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Astarion relished the light of the sun for as long as he possibly could. From the moment he woke up from the crash, drowned in light, to now, finally a free man, he soaked in the sunlight like a plant. Bathing in the light at any opportunity, taking a mental picture, savoring every detail of how it felt on his cold, dead skin. The calming rays of the sun wrapped around him like a safety blanket, soothing the pain he’d held onto for so long. It was like being gazed upon with love by a Goddess. How jealous he was of people who complained that it was too bright, or too hot. They had the luxury of being in the light every day of their lives, while he had that simple pleasure robbed from him centuries ago. Were it up to him, the sun would never set, he would never have to sit through depressive darkness again.His allies all celebrated the fact that they were now free from the tadpoles in their brains, going on about celebrations and wine and how tired they are. Astarion watched on supportively from the side with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. Of course, their lives were affected by the tadpoles just the same as him. But unlike him, they could all, more or less, continue to live normal, satisfying lives. They weren’t banished to the darkness like he was. He had fought the same battles, made the same sacrifices, and yet he was the only one who would be punished. They would be celebrated as heroes, yet he would remain the monstrous and untrustworthy creature hiding in the shadows. For a short moment, still intoxicated by adrenaline from defeating the Netherbrain, he convinced himself that he, too, could remain in the light. It was one of the few moments of true and genuine happiness in his eternal life, and he clung to it for dear life.How foolish he was.His stomach dropped with heavy grief as he began to feel a familiar prickling sensation at his skin. His time was up. He had lingered in the light with everyone far too long. Cazador’s remaining control caught up to him, resuming his eternal punishment. He wanted to claw and grip at his pale skin, tearing up his own flesh, until everyone around him could see the bones, and unbeating heart within him. He desperately looked down at his hands, praying that it’s only in his mind, that he can stay in the light just a little longer. But he is not so lucky. His fingers smoke and crackle like kindling in front of his own eyes, the sickening sensation of body horror overcoming him. He pats his own skin with desperation, as if to extinguish his own burning skin, but to no avail. The pain overrides his senses, and suddenly the world is nothing but pain. He is burning from the inside out, yet everyone stands around him as if this is normal. He hears nothing but ringing, sees nothing but white, feels nothing but fire, both physically and mentally. He mutters a goodbye to his friends, his friends who dare to stand in the sun with such ease while he suffers. Without even thinking, he is running. Well, staggering and stumbling mostly, but fleeing nonetheless. How humiliating, he fights to think through the pain, that everyone must see him in this state. Fleeing like a child from a monster, when his attacker is the sky itself.How foolish he was to think he could remain in the light of day.He’s not sure how he finds shade, but he manages. His senses slowly return to him as the excruciating burning fades. He falls to the floor, curling up like a child against the crates that shelter him. Suddenly, the physical pain is replaced with emotional pain. He is reminded yet again that no matter how “free” he is, he will always be under the curse of his abuser. No matter how kind his friends are, or how much they try to comfort him, they will never be able to save him.Tears overwhelm him, and his mind is once again in the Szarr palace, submitting to torture. The bitter taste of rat blood fills his mouth, making him gag intensely. He rocks himself back and forth, head buried in his knees, in a childish attempt to soothe himself. He sobs and pants and gags, at any moment vulnerable to bile spilling from his throat onto the floor. How he wished he could stay in the sunlight with his allies, yet his own condition betrays him. His existence itself is paradoxical, a dead man withheld from the joys of the living, yet open to the pain of existence all the same. There is no solace, no solution, no soothing his condition.From the distance, he hears heavy footsteps, paced quickly like a metronome. A voice interrupts the sound of boots on the ground, a voice like honey, and it speaks his name. “Astarion!” The footsteps continue, click clack click clack click clack click clack, until they stop abruptly. A gasp. “Astarion!” Yet again, click clack click clack, hastily moving towards him. He keeps his eyes closed, his mind still galaxies away. A cape swishes, and suddenly he is being bathed in comforting warmth, boiling lava upon his skin now faded, replaced with soothing waters of a hot spring. Astarion opens his eyes, taking in large tufts of pink hair like children's candy. He takes a sharp breath in, and his nostrils are filled with sweet fruit scented soap. He doesn’t even need to see her face to realize that it’s Mika. His Mika. His lover.Her cloak shields him from any stray rays of sun, protecting him from that which haunts him, just as its wearer had throughout the time they spent together. The night he fed off her for the first time felt as if it was eons ago, yet it hung over him so heavily. Sinking his teeth into her was thrilling for many reasons, partially due to the fact that it was the first act of kindness he had been shown in over two hundred years. She trusted him (or at least pretended to trust him) so easily, giving in to him and allowing him a moment of invigoration, that she had no choice but to assume was routine for him, at the risk of her own life. His spiel about the benefits of letting him feed off her wasn’t entirely falsified, but he wasn’t only in it for his strength. It was proof to himself that he was free from Cazador’s control. He’d been banned from feeding off of any “thinking creatures” when he was first turned. Being a puppet to his master, his body forced him to obey. Such a simple act of disobedience made it blatantly obvious that his masters mental control no longer hung over him. Mika had no clue how important this revelation was, yet she let him have it all the same.Slowly, her presence became synonymous with freedom.He’d been caged up like a beast on a leash for longer than she’d even been alive. Even in the party, he was distrusted by his allies due to his vampiric nature. For each person who joined them and learned of his condition, there was a new “If you try to bite me or drink my blood, I’ll kill you” threat. If someone had suggested they keep him on a literal leash, he wouldn’t have been surprised, nor would he have blamed them. But Mika never even considered exerting such control over him. Even knowing what he was, a vampire spawn, a creature designed to submit to control, she gave him respect and decency without even batting one of her pretty eyelashes. She showed him what freedom meant, and suddenly she was just as novel, intoxicating and foreign to him as sunlight.They spoke each and every night, she listened with deep care as he threw the entirety of his history onto her, and she did the same in return. Opening up about her own past, being sold, being tortured, it was apparent that they were kindred spirits. The only two souls in the party who knew how it felt to not belong to themselves. Perhaps that was why she fought so hard for his right to make his own decisions. Of course, that was simply who she was. She wasn’t like Wyll or Gale, who were almost annoyingly good, she held her own in sass driven conversations with him easily, and she promised her allies that she was no saint. But she always had this innate desire to do good. In that sense, they were perfect opposites. She’d been through her own torture, similar to Astarion, yet it was motivation to her. She fought all she could to make sure nobody went through her same fate. The safety of those whom she loved could easily be regarded as her life’s work. When prodded further, she conceded that it was too late for her to be saved from her demons. But there were still others out there, with demons of their own, praying to be saved, just as the two of them had. She made him feel foolish for washing his hands of the expectation of decency that came with being a person. The world was only ever cruel to him, why should he be kind in return? Because then people like you and I continue to be overlooked, she told him. She made him so deeply angry. Where was this kindness when he was still savable? Why had she not bathed him in her light before he was this disastrous, miserable creature? She convinced him to free thousands of vampire spawn, and in doing so, gave him the opportunity to be the savior he always longed for.Over time, his blackened heart began to beat once more, entirely for her. He swore he only got close to her to selfishly ensure his own safety, but tender thoughts for her seemed to grow rapidly. Just as he bathed in the light of day, he bathed in her kindness as it soothed his open wounds. Longing desperately to dwell in her presence, seeking her radiance like a sunflower seeks its namesake. He held her closely when they slept together, yet he wanted more. He wanted to shield her from the horrors they witnessed every day, though she hardly needed any protection. The realization that he was falling in love with Mika was terrifying and amazing all at once.Somehow, by some stroke of luck, she adored him all the same. She saw through the horrible mask he kept up, and saw the scared boy, who only wanted freedom. She loved him like it was her purpose in life. She pledged her love to him without the expectation of sex. Upon hearing how he felt for her, she simply hugged him. The first hug he’d received in two hundred years. When she kissed him, it wasn’t an act of seduction. It was an act of love, sucking the rot out of his infected soul.And here she was, a million kisses later, wrapping her arms around him, shielding him from the garish light of day. He didn’t waste another moment before falling into her grasp, burying his head in her shoulder, soaking her sleeves with his tears. She didn’t even flinch, she just held him tighter.“Oh, Mika.” He cried, basking in her warmth as she pet and played with his hair. Once again, her love rivaled the light of day. He longed so deeply to hold her tighter, never let her go, keep her all to himself. She had reached her kind hand out to him, and he prayed she would never take it back, for he would love nothing more than to cling to it for all eternity. He wondered how that kind hand would look with a ring, picked out for her by him. A ring to symbolize the eternity they’d spend together.An eternity spent in darkness, that is.The dark thought crept into his daydreams of love. That was what he was sentencing her to by asking her to love him, wasn’t it? After all she had done to provide him with light, he would really deign to ask her to live in an eternal night? Just to keep her by his side? He pulled out of her embrace, and she reacted with a shocked expression.A hand covered his mouth in horror. “You need to leave. Please. I -” He looked into her purple eyes with pain that shot daggers through her heart. “I can’t do this to you. I can’t force you to dwell in darkness just for my sake. Go, go out into the light. It’s where you belong.”“And leave you? In this state? Never!” She made the mere idea of walking away from him sound like a mortal sin.“Of course you should leave me!” He yelled, begging for her to gain some sense. How could he do such a thing to her? Worm his way so far into her subconscious that she would give up on sunlight just to be with him? “I’m a monster, Mika! I want you by my side more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. But I won’t allow you to sacrifice the light for me, not even for a moment.”She gasped, offense clear on her face. Taking a moment, she stifled out a sob. “Gods damn you, Astarion! You have been selfish the entire time I’ve known you, and this is the moment you choose to act selfless?! You’re not being selfless, you’re depriving me of the most important thing in my life!” She’s yelling loud enough for all of Faerun to hear, hot tears collecting on her neck. “I’ve told you so many times that I love you, that I want to spend my life with you, and you’re doubting me now? Fuck you!” Astarion pulls back, looking at her in utter bewilderment. “I have spent so much time loving you, and I refuse to give up on you now. I will fight for you every single day of my life if I have to. I will never give up on bringing you into the light.” The anger in her eyes ceases, now aglow with hope. This is a declaration of love, yet she makes it sound like a battle speech. “I will wait in the darkness with you for as long as I have to, until it's safe for us both to walk in the sun.”In that moment, Astarion realizes, for the millionth time, that she is truly the person who has loved him the most in his life. What did that one lady say again? That they shared a love that few others had. A love impossible to regain. He could spend eternity desperately searching each and every galaxy and never find a bond like this again. She is not just a light that shines on him, she is the sun. His own sun. She is the retribution from fate and the Gods for all that he has suffered through.How could he ever give that up?“Oh, my love.” He whispers, clinging to her once more as sobs and trembles wrack his body. She doesn’t even hesitate to wrap her arms around him again, to let him sink into her. He presses passionate kisses over her face and arms and hands, worshiping her and her body, intimacy more intense than he’d ever seen, without even a hint of sexuality. She breathes in deeply, filling her lungs with his air. Relaxing her body into his, her fingers grasp at his curly hair, kneading it like a cat. “I’m so sorry.”He breathes deeply, gasping for air. Looking up at her, he gazes into her eyes with more love than either of them have seen their lifetimes. He presses his lips into hers like an alcoholic to the rim of a bottle of wine, as more tears spill down his face. The separation of their lips is like a dagger to the heart, but she compensates by pressing her forehead against his, lovingly.“You are divine.” He whispers. “And almost as good at romantic lines as I am.” The soothing sound of her laugh washes over him, leaving him a loving mess. He presses a gentle kiss to her nose. “Now, no more talk of darkness. I am with you, and I won’t leave you.” He leans back, hugging her against his chest, an arm splayed over her back and snaked underneath her cloak, protectively.“Tell me that you love me.” She nuzzles her face against his chest.He promises to himself that he will give her whatever she wants and more. Any request, anything that could possibly make her life more pleasurable, he will grant it to her. “I love you, my dear. More than anything.” He can practically feel her melt into him. “My light, my shelter, my heart.”Sitting here with her sprawled over his chest, he knows he is far safer than he has ever been. The demons of the past have no hold over him, not when she is here to ward them off.“I love you too, my precious Star.”He is free, basking in the light.