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Evan glanced up from his homework at his boyfriend. Jared was working intensely on his chemistry homework since he had to study for an upcoming test. Say what you will about Jared Kleinman but that boy refused to earn anything less than an A on anything school-related. Even if it meant studying for his least favorite class for hours on end. He became way too aware of the fact that his skin felt like it was crawling, weirdly enough. He thought of the past few weeks and realized that it's been a long time since he's been hugged. Which was, like, really stupid now that he thought about it but he can't control that, can he? “Are you gonna ask or should I just carry on with my work while you study?” Jared asked, not looking up from his work and writing something down. “I don't mind, babe. I would just like to know if I need to force you to say things.” “I-it's-it's really, um,” Evan stuttered. He felt embarrassed that he got caught staring. “It's, um. N-nothing. Don't worry. I'll just- I'll stop if it, um, if it makes you uncomfortable. Sorry.” This time, Jared looked up. He set his pencil down next to him on the bed and closed one of his various textbooks. Jared used two of his fingers to lift Evan's chin so that he could look him in the face, instead of avoiding eye contact like he wanted to. Jared's voice was so soft and un-Jared-like that Evan wanted to melt. “Nothing you do can ever make me uncomfortable, Evan. Come on. Tell me what's up and I'll try my best to help.” Evan tried his best to avoid looking directly at Jared’s eyes. The urge to hug him grew stronger and Evan wanted to give in. But he didn't want to distract Jared and make him fail his test. Evan thought Jared would remember that and he'll probably want to break up with him because he'll finally realize that Evan is a burden and another boyfriend would never distract him from his studies because they wouldn't be as needy and pathetic as Evan. So then Evan will never see Jared again because Jared will probably hate him and refuse to talk to him for the rest of their lives and then Evan will be alone, alone, alone. “Can I hug you?” Frick. Jared smiled softly. It was beautiful to see it spread across Jared’s face. Evan liked to think he was the only one Jared ever gave this smile to. “Of course,” Jared told him. He let his fingers fall from holding up his boyfriend’s face. The other boy took him in his arms, wrapping around Evan’s shoulders and pulling him into his chest albeit a little awkwardly considering Evan is at least a head taller than him. Evan wrapped his arms around Jared's waist and he felt one of his boyfriend’s cold palms against the back of his beck. Despite the height difference making it a bit odd, it still made him feel good. Small. Hidden from the world, from the overwhelming feeling of never being enough. From his mind. Safe. Evan started crying. He tried not to- he hated crying because he did it so much -but it was overwhelming. He didn't realize how much he had been wanting this. Craving it. It just- it felt so good to not feel like his skin was crawling or like Jared hated him. Here, in Jared’s arms, he could hide away from the world and all of his responsibilities. He didn't have to talk to anyone and worry about somehow messing up the interaction. “I'm sorry,” Evan whispered into Jared’s chest. He started to repeat himself because that was the only thing he could think of, the only thought running through his head. “I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.” He wanted to repeat himself but Jared had pulled back and kissed his forehead. So Evan stayed quiet. He stayed quiet as Jared just gave him this Look™ like he actually cared about him. “It's okay,” Jared whispered. “I love you.” He went back to their hug and gosh, Evan loved the fact that even though he was clinging to the back of Jared’s shirt and bawling his eyes out, Jared still didn't hate him. He said he loved him. Granted, this wasn't the first time Jared had said it. But because he doesn't say it as much as Evan does to him, it always hits him harder than it should. Evan continued to cry because what else was he supposed to do? Was there even a right or wrong way to act in this situation because he couldn’t find one? Jared started to quietly hum a song. It was soothing; familiar and very calming. Evan didn't exactly know the name but Jared’s played it on their car rides enough that Evan was able to recognize it. See, Jared liked to think he was cool but this song- and many others -showed that he was just a big ole softie that believes in romance and true love. “I love you too,” Evan whispered once he got his crying under some semblance of control. “So much. So, so much. Thank you for being here.” Jared stopped humming when Evan pulled away from him, wiping his eyes. “Of course. Where else would I be?” Well, there are lots of answers to that. Just ask Evan's anxiety, it can give, like, a million different places that Jared could be if Evan wasn't such a burden and if he hadn't been so lonely. But he's pretty sure that's not the answer Jared wanted. Evan sniffled, still not done crying because apparently, life hated him. “I don't deserve you, Jared. You're too good to me and I can't- I can't just, like, give that to you like, um, like you deserve.” The other boy reached out his hand, taking Evan's. It was a little cold but Evan didn’t mind that Jared’s hands felt like they belonged to a corpse all the time because they were soft. A little worn on his thumbs and pointer fingers but that was from Jared’s video game obsession. “You're sweet. And handsome. And kind. And smart. And you love me the same amount that I love you.” Evan looked done and Jared moved his head along, trying to catch Evan's eyes. “And no one else has ever cared about me the way you do. No one else has ever made me feel on top of the world just because they exist. So trust me when I say, you deserve someone who can do the same for you.” Evan laughed. “That's the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.” “I think you mean the coolest.” Jared made a face that was supposed to look cool. It did not. It looked silly, ridiculous, and very dorky. And it was very much the kind of face that made Evan fall just a bit deeper in love with his boyfriend and his dumb antics. Sometimes Evan couldn't believe his taste in men was Jared Kleinman but here he was, loving Jared and his adorable faces. “I think I mean the cheesiest.” Jared laughed. “Get back to studying, cool guy. I don't want to be the reason you fail a Chem test.” Jared groaned. “Ugh. Did you have to remind me? We were having a moment.” Evan rolled his eyes.