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The streets of Soho are typically bustling with people at any hour of day or night, but that was a particularly quiet night. Hardly anyone was walking at the crossroads between the Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death coffee shop, the French restaurant Marguerite's and the old bookshop A.Z. FELL AND Co. - Antiquarian and Unusual Books on Whickber Street. Or rather, there was no one there except two middle-aged men, wandering around at 3.30 a.m., staggering down the street and laughing loudly, obviously drunk.Mr. Brown, of Brown's World of Carpets, peered out of the second-floor window of his flat above his shop to see who was making so much noise at that late hour.“Tsk… those two again…” he hissed sharply, throwing a little envious and resentful look at the two figures who were walking towards the bookshop, happily tripping over each other. Mr. Brown (of Brown's World of Carpets), pulled the lace curtain of his bedroom with far too much force and decided to go back to bed without giving any weight to the matter.“I SSSSWEAR TO YOU ANGEL, HE WAS THE MOSSST OUT-OF-TUNE EMPEROR IN ALL OF HUUUMANITYYYY! AHR AHR AHR!”“SHHhhhh Crrrooowleyyyy… burp… You're shouting my dear eh eh eh… poor Nero, I'm suuure… you're too harsh on him…”Aziraphale wasn't at all sure about this. He could not remember a single banquet, held during the imperial Rome period, that did not include a singing competition. Too bad that excesses of wine don't make singers better, not even emperors! He and Crowley had together deserted the finale of many evenings. At the time, the angel had wondered why a demon would run away from what was predicted to be orgiastic nights, but now he had half an idea of knowing why.With a tipsy smile curling his plump lips, he turned back to his companion, who was now leaning with his back against the closed entrance of his bookshop. No, “leaning” did not convey the idea of the absurdly uninhibited position that Crowley had assumed in that doorway. That damn demon... it was enough to make him feel envious of a rectangle of wood and glass.“Please... do you mind moving? I have to open the door... eh...” Aziraphale approached the threshold, swaying a little, key in hand and Crowley slid to the side in a serpentine gesture. Those hips were completely illegal in the angel’s opinion.They were close. Very close. Aziraphale could feel the other's attentive gaze behind the dark shades as he put the key in the lock."...Not at all Angel..." Crowley whispered in a breath, staggering towards him. Aziraphale's heart skipped a beat as he turned to look at him. “Huh?!”"NOT AT ALL TOO HARSH ON HIM! I GUARANTEE IT!” Crowley threw his arms up in the air, arching backwards dangerously. “WHEN I FIRST HEARD HIM CLUCKING LIKE A HEN I COULDN'T RESIST THE TEMPTATION AND I GAVE NERO HIS VERY FIRST FIDLE! AHR AHR! HE WAS IMMEDIATELY CONVINCED THAT HE COULD BE A GREAT SINGER, I JUST SAID TO HIM -Mhmm of course! Of course Nero, you are incredible, go set Rome on fire with your music!-” Crowley finished the sentence by miming in mid-air the gesture of plucking a harp with the ferocity of a rock star.“Crowley!” Aziraphale was shocked, stuck staring at him with big blue eyes widened by indignation “No… You didn't! Tell me you-”"Of course not! How was I supposed to know that he would take me literally?! Not like that…”Crowley grimaced at him, mouth set in a frown, brow furrowed, eyebrows almost touching. Aziraphale couldn't hold back a smile for that cute fiend and opened the door.“Oh sure, sure, as if you don't know the effect you have on… humans. After you.” He bowed a little and gestured to the open door. Aziraphale was eager to stay vague and survive that evening, without giving away how much he was head over heels for that splendid, sordid, creature in front of him. He moved slightly to allow Crowley to enter first.“My effects have never bothered Meee.” The demon replied, muttering and touching Aziraphale's elbow by accident as he launched himself, swinging his hips furiously, into the dark shop. He took off his jacket and went to collapse on the small sofa near the desk, turning on a few lamps as he passed.And now what in heaven's name was that supposed to mean? Aziraphale remained frozen for a few moments at the door.Things between them were a little weird compared to the recent past after the matter with... after Aziraphale had followed The Metatron onto that elevator. Crowley had just used That Tone, a calm fury in his voice, an enigmatic expression on his face, that often Aziraphale had heard and seen him use since his return. He could read reproach in it.

The angel had returned from Paradise almost immediately, after a few hours. It had been discovered that the whole Second Coming thing, had been a big blunder by The Metatron, who had interpreted too literally God's joke about the film “The Postman Always Rings Twice". But from that moment, from that...kiss...

Aziraphale swallowed hard as he sat down in his favourite armchair, the sudden tension, and let's be honest, the wine, prevented him from assuming his usual composure.

...since his return, they had done nothing but spend drunken evenings at the Ritz or in the shop. They had acted as if nothing had happened, quite normal, he and Crowley. Whatever "normal" between them meant. But that "normality" didn't feel quite right. There was a tension, a palpable unsaid that, emphatically, was driving Aziraphale crazy.

Crowley had a concentrated expression written across his face the moment the angel looked over him. He had taken off his shades, yellow reptilian eyes staring at an indefinite point in the room, towards the stairs and the upper floor. Aziraphale sighed softly because those were a pair of maddening beautiful eyes.

He had looked for Crowley immediately, obviously, as soon as he returned to the bookshop. He reached urgently for the phone and didn’t pay any attention to Muriel's excited and curious chatter while relegating the confusion that reigned in his house to a corner of his mind. First the important problem: to find Crowley; then he would have safely reshelved those first editions left hanging on the balcony handrail.

The angel felt a pang in his chest, Crowley was now staring at him, impossible to understand what he was thinking though. The emotions continued to surface in confusion and sink back into nothingness on his face. The strange glare Crowley had been giving him for more than a week was there.

Aziraphale had found him by calling his Bentley phone -that motorised treasure of a car- and, after a brief explanation, they immediately met at St James's Park and talked there, sitting on a bench. After hearing the whole story, Crowley's only reaction was an annoyed snort and an acid comment.

“Ah! So it was all a false alarm. I have no idea how you've been in charge all this time. You are a bunch of idiots."

“Yes, we are.” The angel replied after a short silence.

And so now Aziraphale was part of the "idiots" and no longer part of the "us" uh... he had to earn his forgiveness back for real it seemed.

Oh perfect, and what was Crowley up to now? Why did he start crawling on the floor? Eh eh... the old snake couldn’t handle his drinks anymore?

After that, they spent the night drinking, almost two weeks had passed now and between theatre shows and damn alcoholic dinners they enjoyed each other's company almost every day but... the angel always felt something stuck in his throat. Literally! For days now, Aziraphale could feel a pressure, a slight suffocation at the level of his Adam's apple and he was sure the feeling wouldn't go away easily.

No, but seriously, what was Crowley up to?He had slipped off the couch, his skin-tight leather pants creaking, wide eyes fixed and determined, as he proceeded on all fours towards Aziraphale. How could he move his hips in that ridiculously compelling way while he scraped his skinny knees on the carpet? The sinuous swaying had all but taken Aziraphale’s breath away, the room suddenly seemed smaller, devoid of oxygen. The angel held his breath, he couldn't cope with That while drunk.“I’m going to sober up.” “Ngk- Don’t do it…”“What?”“You’re… no fun otherwise… Wouldn’t let me do sssomething like thisss…”Crowley stopped on his knees in front of Aziraphale without looking at him, he placed his hands with long tapered fingers and short black lacquered nails, on the angel’s knees. An electrifying shiver hit Aziraphale's pelvis radiating up to the back of his neck. What should he do now?!After a moment spent staring at his thighs in a daze, the demon moved them apart with a careful gesture, to have more space to slide across his legs. He sat on the ground and leaned his head back, inside the angel's soft, plump right thigh and closed his eyes, arms at his sides. He resembled a tired warrior at the end of a battle. Suddenly Aziraphale felt incredibly aware of every square inch of his pants.“Stroke my hair.” The tone allowed no replies.Aziraphale was a living question mark at that moment. He would no longer have been able to line up two coherent thoughts even if he wanted to. However, he couldn't resist timidly moving his hand towards that tawny treasure. How long had he wanted to do something like this after all? He buried his right hand in that thick auburn hair, leaving his left resting on his other thigh. The glitter of the Principality ring disappeared and reappeared rhythmically in the silky tide, following his movements. Slowly the tension left Crowley's shoulders.They stayed like this for a long time, a caring fair hand in shiny lava hair, the drunkenness finally leaving them of its own accord.The angel kept thinking about everything that needed to be said and heard and how none of it seemed ready to be explained or listened to. After a while, Aziraphale moved his hand to caress directly at the base of the hair, on the skin of Crowley's nape. The demon let out a satisfied sound and pursed his lips in a way that immediately made him resemble a sly cat.“Finally...a smile. I’ve been despairing of ever seeing it again, I had missed it.”Crowley opened his eyes and stared at him, frowning. Together with the smile, the effect was that of a sarcastic expression."Oh yes?""Yes, dear boy." Aziraphale was serious, he continued to stroke that splendid hair and wanted nothing more than to loosen the desperate lump in his throat. The sensual pouty fiend was staring at his lips but he slid his gaze further down the angel’s throat.“Oh? And I missed your bow tie.” His smirk widened evilly as the angel bit back a displeased frown.“The bow tie. Really?" Aziraphale would have sworn the demon was teasing him on purpose. But wasn't that always the case?Crowley let out a half laugh. “My tartan… I love it messy.” He accompanied his words with a stretched-out tapered hand and in a few nimble gestures untied the knot. In an instant, which Aziraphale would not have been able to describe other than "horny as fuck", he could no longer resist and kissed that hand. He kissed Crowley's fingertips that remained in mid-air, pressed his lips against them, opening slightly, letting Crowley's fingers linger on the threshold of his mouth, at a dangerous distance from his tongue. He dared no more.But Crowley wasn't taking his hand away.The demon was looking at him as one would look at something dangerous and irresistible. Crowley’s hand moved on Aziraphale’s face, nudging that wet mouth first with the side of the long index finger, palm open, covering his lips almost as if to silence him. He continued the caress upwards, thumbing over the angel’s mouth, hooking the bottom lip and pushing it down to bare his teeth.Aziraphale closed his eyes at the thrill and pleasure of that contact. He was finally tasting Crowley again after that last kiss. Crowley’s caress moved to the angel’s hair and nape as Aziraphale was dragged down. A hard, needy, messy kiss but Aziraphale reciprocated it with enthusiasm. The demon’s expression hadn't changed, his brows furrowed, every muscle tense, but it didn't matter now because they were already rolling on the floor.Crowley had pulled Aziraphale onto the carpet and was now straddling him, sliding his tongue in his mouth, voracious as someone who hadn't eaten for 6000 years. The angel wrapped his arms around that skinny figure, with no intention of letting him go.“Mmhhhh… even before kissing you that day, I already knew you would taste like vanilla and berries.” The demon growled softly. Aziraphale felt nothing but that tongue, long, slippery, incessant. “So sweet…”They had never been so bold, never touched like this. The other's long legs were anchored to Aziraphale’s hips and... ah... Crowley's effort was in contact with his.“So bitter…”
It was impossible to concentrate on anything else, especially since the demon began to rub his hardness against Aziraphale’s as he broke away from the kiss with a wet sound.
If he could have spoken, Aziraphale would have begged him to come back, to do it again, but he didn't have the breath to say it out loud, too much panting. Crowley was riding him with his clothes on and a complacent gleam in his eyes. The angel couldn't believe the situation, and while he began to pass his fingertips on Crowley’s smooth and delicious abdomen his gaze fell downwards.“And Those?!”Crowley looked at his waist and gave the angel a smug face. “Do you like them?”As they rolled on the ground, their clothes had risen and Aziraphale could now see a pair of black lace underwear peeking out on Crowley's hip, from below the waistband of his trousers.“You come here!”Aziraphale rose from the floor with a powerful lift, taking Crowley in his arms, still straddling him, (he looked like a dishevelled and obscene travel backpack) and almost flew up the stairs towards the upper floor.“Angel what? Where?! What?!”Once they arrived in the bedroom, in front of Aziraphale’s liberty-style bed (Yep. Big wrought iron liberty bed, right there) he approached the edge of it. With one hand he opened the snake belt, undid the button and lowered the zipper of Crowley’s trousers while supporting him with just one arm. Then tucked his fingers on the edge of those deadly tight leather pants with both hands. For a moment Crowley held himself on the angel with only the strength of his arms and legs. “What are you- Woah!”Aziraphale unbalanced him backwards, tipping him onto the bed like emptying a grocery bag, making him slide out of his trousers with some good shakes. The demon fell onto the mattress on his back and sprawled like a wet noodle, his bulge fully visible beneath the feminine underwear.“It will be a challenge to suck it properly with that lace on but I can't wait to find out how I’m going to do it!”The image of Crowley in black lace lingerie had completely subdued Aziraphale’s mind. How many years, no, how many millennia did he have to wait for something like that? Were they ready? Was Aziraphale ready? He could not stand to wait any longer.He knew exactly how things needed to be done, goodness he had been part of the design team that made humans able to do all those naughty wonders. Aziraphale had always been proud of the lubrication system he came up with, he could admit he had gotten carried away with textures, for sure, but the final result was utterly perfect.His focus returned to the beautiful fiend on his bed. Was it good to do it like this? Without any of the romantic things he was planning for the occasion? Then he glanced again at Crowley and the desire to touch him was simply imperious.Aziraphale was about to kneel, he couldn't think of anything other than taking that part of Crowley into his mouth. Nothing could have stopped him from whirpooly sucking that magnificent rod, which made the Eiffel Tower look small, but the demon took the angel’s head in his hands and forced him to look up."No. Not like that."Well, almost nothing. Most importantly, was Crowley ready for it? Aziraphale’s heart sank, he could hear its dying beat somewhere around his navel. A deep shame arose in him, making his face turn red, burning in self-loathing."But- I mean, sorry. I didn’t-"“Undress. Get on the bed. Lie down.” Crowley’s voice was hoarse with need. "Oh." Well, that was a near-miss heart attack for the angel.In several agitated moves, he took off every article of clothing. Crowley had never seen him like that. He hesitated when it came to removing his underwear but at a sign from the demon, who in the meantime had miraculously removed everything except the lace, he undressed completely. All his soft curves and hardened arousal were in full display, completely exposed and offered in sight.Crowley’s poker face threatened to crack for a moment. For the angel that was a very nice reaction and he allowed himself a gratified smirtle.Then Aziraphale reached the bed and lay down, waiting. Crowley moved closer to him, and with a resolute glare in his eyes, he spoke with an unusually serious voice.“If I do something wrong, tell me.”“H-how could you do something wro- well, I mean- What?”Crowley straddled him again but this time not on Aziraphale’s waist, nor his chest but on his throat, while raising the angel’s arms high above his head.“You can't touch me. Not with your hands. Not yet."Aziraphale suddenly realised, not without alarm, that the demon still had his bow tie in hand.“But why?”“Do you deserve otherwise? You always feel so proud of yourself, with that satisfied grin when things go your way, that little bitch eyebrow.”“Crowley!”“Am I wrong?”The lump, again, was tight in Aziraphale’s throat.Crowley raised one of the angel’s hands and softly kissed it, caressing his knuckles with the tartan tie. Aziraphale understood what the other was referring to, and even if a part of his being pushed him to answer back, the delicate touch of Crowley, his lips, would have brought him to his knees begging for more at any moment.“Tell me. Am I wrong?” the demon growled slowly. He reminded Aziraphale of a ravenous python, ready to crush him in his mortal coils."You can try to tie me up and just hope I won't like it any more than you will."Come on, he couldn't give up completely, it wasn't his style.“Once again, cheeky, Angel.” With a snort and careful gestures, Crowley approached Aziraphale with the tartan tie. Although it was a very ordinary strip of fabric, it seemed to stretch under Crowley's hands by miracle. Twice the tie went around the angel’s right wrist, it was passed behind one of the iron rose decorations of the bed and then the other wrist was hooked in the same way. The angel was pleased by the fact that evidently Crowley had noticed how much he enjoyed the escapology trick performed during "Houdini's magicians' dinner"."Open your mouth."Aziraphale couldn't see all that was happening but he felt the lace scratching his neck lightly, the sensation was sending him into a frenzy, he could feel the heartbeat furiously pulsating in his cock, hardening that part of him so rarely used. His mouth was watering and after Crowley's request, a thousand obscene images ran through his mind causing goosebumps. Finally, he felt the warmth and silkiness of Crowley's skin come forward and hit his chin. He closed his eyes and parted his lips, taking into his mouth what the demon was offering him.Heat, a ton of friction, pleasing deep thrusting, and a delicate salty flavour. Crowley was leaning against the headboard and fucking his mouth like he had never even dared dream of. The entire, very considerable, girth of that cock and the odd position almost hurt his jaw. He tried to lap and wrap his tongue around it as much as possible but Crowley was insatiable. There was an endless necessity in those hip thrusts. Aziraphale felt suffocated and the trouble was, he was enjoying it. He opened his eyes and shivered uncontrollably at the sight of the other's pubic area swinging back and forth in front of him, he saw him vibrating, shaken by pleasure. The angel's wet lewd sounds and whimpers only increased the demonic hardness so close to a blissful peak.“Mhf, ahf..uff not yet…” Crowley stopped almost suddenly, he took his cock out of Aziraphale's mouth, while a string of saliva followed it. Overwhelming waves of pleasure shook his flesh as he held back his climax. Aziraphale was feeling much weaker than that, he could not even think about edging in that way."Give it to me. I beg you."Feverish yellow eyes stared into supplicant blue eyes.“I like it when you ask in that way, Angel.”“But keep me company.”"What?"Aziraphale gestured with his chin towards the tartan ligature.“It will be difficult to miracle the knot away if I tie myself up too.”“I'm a master of escapology, remember?”Crowley smiled crookedly.Counter of the evening for magnificent knee-shaking devilish smiles: 2."Yes, I have some vague memories."At last, he made up his mind and stuck two fingers in Aziraphale’s mouth, tracing with his fingertips the tongue along its entire length, massaging the side of it, pinching at the tip before exiting. Satisfied with the lubricated result, Crowley lowered slowly his hand on the angel's buttocks, stroking the sensitive little entrance, circling the tender rim, then he pushed lightly just to tease. At the sensation, Aziraphale gasped in desire. “Angel you’re so beautiful it hurts.”“Please...please, don’t stop, come in...”Listening to the rhythm of Aziraphale’s heartbeat that seemed to resonate in every inch of that heavenly body, finally, Crowley decided, with a laugh of ill-concealed satisfaction, to penetrate the angel's ass with his fingers. He worked briefly but well, spreading, lubricating and preparing for the arrival of the main course. Aziraphale was sure he could have come just like that.“Please Angel, let me drive you crazy. This sight of you spread before me is simply astonishing, you are a work of art, I can’t keep it outside of you any longer.”The demon withdrew his fingers, tore off the lace panties and with a final miracle, he tied his wrists to the bed with the now very long tartan tie. Their hands were interlaced as one. Aziraphale’s attention was all reserved for Crowley’s cock, which was hard rock ready and dripping with precum.“Angel...” He caught a glimpse of the demon's tongue approaching his left shoulder. With small and gentle kisses Crowley began his climb up Aziraphale's neck, from the collarbone going upwards, biting tenderly here and there, reaching for the scent of the curly angelic hair. Aziraphale had Crowley's shoulder within reach and pressed biting kisses all around it. The demon sucked Aziraphale's earlobe leaving him panting and with a cold, wet trace that Crowley pushed to the top of the ear, which he closed between his lips after whispering: “Don’t worry about anything, we are here together.” And like so, Crowley started to enter inside him carefully.It was hot…ah and so good…fuck! Aziraphale was filled.The angel felt the tension throughout Crowley's body as he thrust his cock deeper and deeper, enthusiastically, into him. All of it was heaven on Earth. He tilted his head back slightly, resting it on the pillow, his arms tense and aching. Crowley was below, above, inside him. The demon's knees had slipped below Aziraphale's waist and were holding his bum off the bed. Crowley was fully reclined on him, they formed a knot, wet and throbbing, impossible to untangle.How could Aziraphale possibly survive something like that?“You're here…” Crowely's breathless voice sounded desperate, his face was buried in the pillow, his ear rubbing against the angel’s cheek."I am here." The lump that Aziraphale had felt in his throat for so long began to tighten. The rhythm didn't break, he felt his hips catching fire, widening without shame. Everything in him had accepted the pleasure, his mind went blank.“And you're with me…” Slowly, Crowley stopped with the deep, long thrusts and began drilling him with quick, incessant hits. His panting was hammering in Aziraphale’s ear.Hum. Everywhere. In his mouth, in his brain, in his… Aziraphale was about to come, he was sure of it. “And I'm with you.” He choked on those words. It was too much! Absolutely too much!Aziraphale felt his eyes filling with tears, in his chest, in his throat, he was holding an unbearable pressure rising mercilessly. He had to say it!“...and I will never leave you again.” In a single shuddering breath, Aziraphale's mouth articulated those words and swallowed air, guilty, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling, at Crowley's naked body whose hands were locked with his own, and then he looked at the ceiling again in ecstasy.Crowley raised his head from the pillow to look at him. Ah! Eyes so damn beautiful, big and sweet and… fuck… hopeful and happy."Aziraphale...I..." there was no longer a trace of tension or anger on Crowley’s face, the thrusts of the pelvis had become irregular, serpentine.The angel knew what was about to come, the lump in his throat was killing him, but that wasn't the only thing coming! He couldn’t take any more, he could feel himself falling in pleasure, so he held his breath.“Angel I lo-” “HIC!” Aziraphale hiccuped. Which was already strange for him, a supernatural being who barely knew what hiccups were, but even stranger if you take into account that at that diaphragmatic jerk, in a miraculous flicker, the two lovers disappeared into thin air, complete with bed and sheets.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Wind. Fucking cold and strong wind. It was the first thing Crowley could think of. Then Aziraphale fell dead weight onto his chest, knocking all the breath out of his lungs. The world kept going round and round, he no longer had a sense of direction, reality had become a canvas of messy colours and he could hear the angel screaming indistinctly somewhere below him. The air hissed all around, their bodies were thrown left and right, spinning in space like crazy pinwheels, while the fluttering blankets, stuck between them, completely blocked the view. They were in the midst of absolute chaos and he only knew two things, their hands were still tied and they were falling!Crowley shook his head, managing to peel enough of the sheet off himself that he could see through the wind-induced tears what was around them. It was still night, either that or they had teleported into a black hole. The fucking tie was keeping them hooked to the bed frame, which had lost pillows and mattress, slipped away in the dark void like confetti dropping from a frilly box of sweets. He and Aziraphale were being dragged headfirst into a black nothingness. No, it wasn't complete darkness. They were falling towards some lights. Stars? No. Absurd. You can't fall towards the sky… those were… houses!A bucolic landscape emerged more clearly before his eyes. The countryside was a constellation of little enlightened cottages surrounded by fields. He contemplated with horror the possibility of being impaled on the weathervane of some unknown barn.“AZIRAPHALE- AGH!” Crowley's cheek was hit by the sheet as it writhed wildly, prey to the wind."ARE YOU OK!?" SLAP! Another treacherous blow from the white cotton blanket, which this time remained stuck to his face, making him look like a strange mask with a mouth wide open in silent disappointment. He managed to shake it off but his irritation had exceeded all limits.“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!”“CROWLEY WE ARE FALLING!” Aziraphale's voice was high-pitched, panicked, and accompanied by shrieks of terror. He didn't see him; between the blankets and the constant shaking, it was as if the two were talking to each other through a wall.“I'M NOT BLIND!”“CROWLEY DO SOMETHING!”“AND WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO? YOUR DAMN PRINCESS SISSY BED IS DRAGGING US TOWARD A CERTAIN AND PAINFUL DEATH!”“START BY REMOVING YOURSELF FROM MY ASS!”Right, because Crowley was still dick-deep between the angel's ass cheeks.As the large bed continued to fall at breakneck speed in its precipitous descent, the two of them followed it, remaining attached like an obscene key ring.Aziraphale's bow tie, magically stretched and knotted, left neither of them any room to manoeuvre to fix everything with a miraculous snap.The worst thing was the unfortunate situation between their legs. They were pirouetting in the air, tugged undignified and rather painfully, by wind and gravity. The demonic appendage instead remained firmly anchored to the celestial anal duct by the same forces that move the sun and the other stars.Crowley tried with all his strength to free his hands but it seemed like an impossible task. He couldn't even control his member anymore from the agitation.“CROWLEY! OUT! FUCK!”“I CAN'T, I’M TR-” FLAP! He was interrupted by a slap from the sheet landing full on the forehead."WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Aziraphale's legs scrabbled in the air as he tried to get Crowley out of his ass.“IT'S STILL ERECT!” Their words were almost indistinguishable amid the howling wind. Crowley was doing his best to push the angel's pink buttocks away from his still turgid dick. Have you all ever tried to pull a cock out while free-falling with only the use of your knees? Oh no? It was worth asking.“HOW CAN IT STILL BE HARD!?” The platinum blonde prince of heaven asked hysterically, with a voice that betrayed a certain impressed bewilderment. Crowley felt this was no time to be complacent."GUESS! I AM A DEMON!”“OH CROWLEY YOU ARE A REAL CRET- AGH!”"WHAT? AZIRAPHALE!? DID I HURT YOU?"“NO THE SHEET!”“THE WHAT?!”“THE SH...  OH FOR JESUS CHRIST GET OUT OF THERE! THINK OF ELSE! TO HASTUR! TO SATAN! THINK ABOUT MR. BROWN WITH FURFUR AND METATRON!”“HOW COULD YOU!?” Even thinking about the most disgusting things in the universe, Crowley's excitement wouldn't diminish an inch. Not only could he feel the warm, soft insides of Aziraphale's body around his cock, but the adrenaline rush was pumping all the blood to his nether regions! His heart was beating like a drum in his ears and he felt that the tip of his cock was titillating the angel's prostate. He knew there would be no chance of calming down his crazed python.“CROWLEY THE GROUND IS GETTING CLOSER! HURRY UP! PUT MORE EFFORT!”It was true, by now the chimneys of the houses below them were visible. Crowley was desperate. He tried again to extract his aroused rod from the holy body but it was like playing sword in the stone, each attempt only leading to a new wet suck back to the starting point. Aziraphale was complaining about it a lot, with cries that only a London librarian could utter under such circumstances.“CROWLEY I'M...AH! FORCED TO INSIST! PLEASE GET OUT OR I-GASP- IT’S TOO STRANGE TO COME LIKE THIS FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!”The demon felt, on a physical and unconscious level, that the angel's body was reacting in a discordant way to the current stimulus. He could feel the muscles of his thighs tightening and his skin becoming colder and sweatier with fear. But there were also more than pleasant and lubricated contractions inside that ass, which enveloped his effort along its entire length.Crowley couldn't believe that the wonderful sex they were having until a few minutes ago had been interrupted like this. Finally, the chance he had been coveting for so long had presented itself, he had been able to look Aziraphale, his lovely angel, into the eyes and they were really about to make up after everything that had happened. He was about to say "I lo-"At that moment, the only part of Aziraphale's body that Crowley could actually perceive with any precision was struck by a tremendously exciting shock. The demon was sure he wasn't the only one to blame for the inextricable penetrative dilemma.Crowley returned to harsh reality, so distracted by his thoughts that he hadn't realised how close the end of the race was. No. more. fucking. time!“LET'S PUSH TOGETHER ON MY THREE!”"WHAT?""ONE!"“ONE WHAT CROWLEY!?”"TWO!"“IT'S A TRAGEDY THERE'S NO TIME TO COUN-!”"THREE! PUSH!”Crowley pulled as hard as he could with his thin hips, but Aziraphale didn't understand a thing, and although he managed to gain a few inches out of that thicc ass, it wasn't enough to separate them. So gravity decided to slide the ineffable stick deeply and forcefully into the heavenly backside again.The backlash was breathtaking, deadly, heart-off-the-chest kind of hit, and Aziraphale let out a sharp trill of surprise and ill-conceived pleasure followed by a loud “HIC!”In a crackling blue flash, the two disappeared into thin air.They reappeared shortly afterwards amid a colourless fog; a cloudy sky surrounded them. This time only their bodies had teleported, no bed, no sheets, no TARTAN TIE.They continued to fall, swirling in the air, Crowley's face pointed towards the sky, facing the stars, while Aziraphale's head leaned towards their beloved earth. They found themselves at the apexes of that naked and ridiculous straight line that their bodies formed, united at the centre by their unusual thrusting.“AZIRAPHALE BUT IT'S YOU! IT'S YOUR HICCUPING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!""I DO NOT KNOW!"Finally free to use his hands, Crowley did what he could to bend and embrace Aziraphale in a protective grip. His strengthless fingers met the angel's wrists, he felt the mark left by the tie on his skin, a rough texture that in other circumstances the demon would have licked with pleasure. With no small effort, the two pulled and pulled, eventually finding themselves with their heads on each other's shoulders, lips within earshot. Crowley could see how panicked the angel had become; Aziraphale's face was alarmed, his eyes wide open, pupils dilated, his mouth turned down in an expression of anguish, his brow furrowed and eyebrows trembling.“Don't worry, angel, I promise you that we will get through this, we will find a way. Look at it this way it could be worse.”"And how?" Aziraphale was clearly on the verge of tears.“Um… like… it could rain!”CRACKOM! A bolt flashed less than a mile away from them and hit the ground. Crowley began to feel the first drops of the storm hitting his bare shoulders like little cold needles. The demon wanted to rip out his tongue himself but his gaze was drawn to something even more worrying.“Crowley I'm sorry I don't know what's going on! I don't know what-"“WE'LL WORRY ABOUT IT LATER, NOW WE HAVE A MONUMENTAL PROBLEM TO SOLVE!”They had finally emerged from the cloudy sky and although they continued to fall in a constant and nauseating porn-centric motion, they managed to concentrate enough to understand where they were. Even at night, the lights around the city that spread out below them were unmistakable, that was Rome!“Aziraphale… what the fuck!”“Crowley ahhh…oh no… THAT IS THE COLOSSEUM BELOW US!”“I don't want to smear the fucking Colosseum with our bodies! This is not on at all!”WOOM! In a flurry of black wings, Crowley spread his feathers like an obscene eagle, hovering in the sky while carrying an even smuttier prey.It would have been a great idea if only Aziraphale hadn't chosen the same moment to do the same thing. FLAP, the white feathers almost landed in Crowley's mouth as they appeared.The tension of the air on the pair of heavenly wings had the effect of a poorly manoeuvred sail, causing Aziraphale to collide even more with Crowley. The wind was coming from the wrong way, the angel had his back to the ground and his feathers gave way under the push coming from the unusual direction. His wings folded upwards, enveloping the demon like a cocoon.Once again the demon saw nothing except a mass of feathers and completely lost control of his gliding flight. Crowley was annoyed, to say the least, how could someone as clever as Aziraphale be so stupid!?They were doomed, the wings didn't cooperate stuck like that, and all the demonic energy was channelled into his cock which was still throbbing happily in the celestial ass. Without miracles, without wings, they could only fall and impact in the centre of the Colosseum, like the most scandalous and naked fireworks ever seen in the history of the ancient amphitheatre.“AZIRAPHALE! YOU EITHER LET ME FLY OR HICCUP US OUT OF THIS SITUATION!”"I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I DON'T KNOW HOW- THERE WILL BE SOME TERRIBLE PAPERWORKS! OH MY GOD NO I DON'T WANT TO BE FOUND LIKE THIS PLEASE!”Crowley and Aziraphale, almost unaware, clung to each other tighter, their minds racing to find a solution while their hearts pounded with terror.POOF! The two suddenly disappeared in a whitish crackle.They landed with a muffled crash on Aziraphale's bedroom carpet, stacked like an adult version of LEGO bricks.“Aziraphale are you okay?”"No. You?""Me neither." They caught their breath for a moment, Crowley couldn’t believe they were alive.“W-what happened? Was it you? Did you hiccup?”“I'm not sure… m-maybe, I can't think straight now.”Indeed, Crowley also thought that fainting from tension was an incredibly good course of action.He and the angel remained in the position they were in for some time, with Crowley lying on Aziraphale's chest, both panting, confused, sweaty and happy to be alive. Well, not a different ending to the evening Crowley had hoped for from the moment they rolled onto the carpet a few minutes earlier. He would have almost laughed if his body hadn't been so sore and disappointed.Crowley finally found the strength to speak again.“Nice escapologist that you are.”"Hey! Rude!"“Aziraphale.”"Yes?"“I think I can finally get out.”"Have mercy!"Crowley sat up a little, looking down at the angel’s stomach and let out a smirk."What now?""Judging by the mess down here, I'm not the only one who enjoyed the air accident."Aziraphale summoned a pillow with a snap of his fingers, which he used to hit Crowley in the face like an oversized gauntlet. With one final muffled SLAP! Crowley was knocked on the floor, regretting ever having opened his mouth.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It was evening and Aziraphale was compiling the archive files at his desk when Crowley came in nervously, swaying in a hurry. He heard the door open and close at the snap of his fingers, and the angel couldn't help but let out a small, irritated huff and a roll of his eyes. Crowley took a few sinuous steps inside the bookshop, looked around, as if challenging imaginary customers to question his legitimate presence in that place, and then turned towards Aziraphale expectantly. It looked like he was the owner and the angel was the unexpected guest.Two days had passed since the aerial acrobatics that had almost cost them both their corporeal forms. Since then, Crowley had been more than diligent and thoughtful in trying to find out what was wrong with Aziraphale. Not that the angel wasn't worried: indeed his poor nerves had rarely been put to such a severe test, but the wily old serpent had his own way of bringing new anxiety to situations. He had tirelessly hovered around Aziraphale for two nights and two days, telling him exactly how and where to direct his miracles to study the ongoing interference.They had agreed that showing up in Heaven for a check-up would be their last resort, as they weren't exactly welcome. Aziraphale knew that the Upper Floor had nothing to do with that situation, if they wanted to take away his ability to use miracles, they would have simply done so. The celestial bureaucracy would not waste time with what seemed like a useless game. In fact, he was more inclined to think it was a tasteless joke perpetrated by Hell. Crowley had taken the idea almost as an insult, pointing out that his ex-faction would never limit itself to something as harmless as an impertinent magical hiccup.So they started experimenting, but the only thing they discovered was that the disorder was unpredictable. They could only face the consequences, and for Aziraphale, ignoring the cause and nature of that cursed hiccup was a source of perpetual anguish. The incidents only increased in number: he had already exploded three teacups, changed the weather twice (the frog rain had been spectacular according to Crowley), and accidentally blessed all radio stations across London with classical music, much to the disappointment of motorists stranded on the M25.Aziraphale had permanently closed the bookshop that day after an incident with a rude customer who refused to understand that Madame P. O. Ket's precious Guide to a Perfect Pedicure was not for sale. The man had approached Aziraphale in a threatening manner, barking angrily about a certain Mr Kindle and how lucky the bookshop was to even exist. Crowley was ready to leap on the rude bloke like an animal on the hunt, but he had to run to his rescue instead. In fact, the supernatural bibliophile, faced with such discourtesy, had become nervous and with a loud "Hic!" had miracled the unfortunate customer away with his head dunked in the toilet of the bookshop's bathroom. By accident, obviously.Aziraphale had then sent everyone out and closed the shop again. He wanted to be alone, to ponder and keep everyone out of trouble. Crowley had vanished for those few hours, as requested, and now here he was, standing on the carpet where, a few nights before, they had writhed, hungry for each other.Aziraphale had spent many thoughts on what happened between them. He didn't hide from himself that he had wanted, waited and hoped for it for a long time. An indefinite time, because, as much as he tried, he couldn't remember when or where those first licentious and passionate thoughts came from. A light blush coloured his cheeks at the mere memory of the carnal desire directed exclusively towards Crowley. No, nothing that had happened that night had been anything like his daydreams, both in the good and in the bad.He stared at the demon who seemed too lost in his thoughts to notice his languid gaze. Aziraphale studied his figure carefully; the way in which Crowley revealed an internal tension, ready to explode, had always fascinated him. Before and after The Fall, Crowley had always been a being full of life, and that energy and confidence radiated from every pore. Everything about the fiend hid a serpentine manner that Aziraphale found extremely sweet and captivating at the same time. The angel looked at that auburn hair, so gorgeous and lovely when the daylight hit it and made it shine.He followed the curve of Crowley's head until the eyes rested on his throat. That neck looked like a dance floor ready for scorching kisses nibbled at an impossible pace. He had secretly filled a few pages of his diary with detailed fantasies of what he would have liked to do to that tapered swan neck. Even now, Aziraphale felt the urge to lick a slippery path along those tendons, to the point of sucking the Adam's apple and panting hot breaths in the hollow between the collarbones, while Aziraphale's hands would have gone down to explore beneath the clothes.With an exasperated grunt, Crowley brought him back to reality, taking Aziraphale away from that world of sweet reveries that had begun to make his knees feel weak and his throat dry.“So? Will you come?”“W-what?” Aziraphale did his best not to appear intoxicated by his own imagination."Dinner. Me and you."“Oh sure, what do we want, French? Sushi? Italian? Somewhere with a good wine cellar.” Aziraphale moved prudently, to take his coat and hide from view the inappropriate reaction taking place in his trousers.“Don't… Wait. It's a dinner, yes, but not like the ones we've had recently." Crowley seemed really agitated, he kept turning his head around, like a crazy water hose after turning on the flow at maximum power.“I'm talking about something ro...romantic.”For a moment a stunned silence filled the space between them, Aziraphale remained with his arms frozen in mid-air, in the gesture of reaching for his coat."Romantic?" Without meaning to, the angel's voice was full of hope, expectation, and surprise.“You know the other night, after six thousand years of knowing each other, it was…” Crowley seemed to be struggling with the same lump in his throat that the angel had felt for two weeks.“Not just for, well the obvious reason, it happened as it happened… well… I'M NOT SAYING I DIDN'T LIKE IT!” Crowley now seemed seized by the most demented serpentine fury, he rubbed his hands together, clicked his tongue, took a few steps towards Aziraphale and then went back, hopping uncomfortably, like a euphoric tap dancer.That pitiful sight immediately softened Aziraphale's heart. His shocked expression melted away to leave only a loving look on his face. "I know.""You know?" Crowley's shoulders were perfectly still, he wasn't breathing due to the tension, if he had been human he would have already broken the apnea world record."It was… not like “us”. I had always imagined it too, er..more ah... less... uhm.” Aziraphale coughed, that usual lump in his throat threatening to choke him again. Then he realised what had just come out of his mouth and almost didn't have the courage to check Crowley's reaction to the idea that the angel had been lusting after him for who knows how many millennia."I know." Crowley said, relieving Aziraphale of his embarrassment. The demon’s face suddenly looked cheerful. “Do you also know why I have chocolates in the car and why I'm taking you to the theatre tonight?”Aziraphale smiled with the brightest angelic smile ever seen on Earth, Crowley was secretly grateful that he was still wearing his shades because he couldn't help but squint at such radiance."Yes, I know." The cheerful trill in Aziraphale’s voice rang like many little Christmas bells.He saw Crowley's shoulders start moving again thanks to his resumed breathing."Great. At half past eight. I'll be the one in black next to a Bentley.”Crowley pointed at the door, he had the tips of his ears slightly pink and a satisfied smile on his face.“Uhm Crowley, where are you going?”“Waiting for you until 8.30.”“It's 8.31 dear.” Aziraphale nodded at the old grandfather clock next to a column in the library.“So you're already late angel, get ready and come out.”Crowley quickly disappeared through the door, while Aziraphale chuckled merrily as he put on his coat. Even though he wasn't a vain angel (in his opinion), he took one last look at himself in the mirror near the entrance. Was it or wasn't it, their first romantic date in six thousand years? Oh, well, maybe if he thoroughly thought about it, that wasn't the first at all. But things had to be done right anyway.In a frilly gesture he adjusted the cuffs of his shirt and went out into the night, following the demon wherever he wanted to take him.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“When you said you were taking me to the theatre I wasn't expecting a Rocky Horror Picture Show themed night, Crowley! We were the only ones in inappropriate clothing!” Aziraphale's voice wanted to contain a reproach but he was too amused by the splendid evening to seem truly annoyed.“Were you not satisfied with your outfit angel?” Crowley did absolutely nothing to hide the mocking grin that surfaced on his lips.“You can bet on it! If I had known in advance, I would have made sure to at least bring my vintage feather boa!”The two had left the theatre and were strolling down a secondary alley to return to the Bentley that Crowley had unceremoniously parked in a double line.The demon had willingly followed Aziraphale to the stage door where the angel had wanted to congratulate the performers. He had spent the time listening to Aziraphale's joyous chirps about the costumes, the music, and how Crowley could play a magnificent Columbia. They were now ready to go to dinner and Crowley thought that maybe the serious talk he wanted to have with Aziraphale could wait another night.They were still conversing happily when, from the street corner, a group of five teenage boys appeared. They were noisy, pushing each other, laughing and brawling, and each of them wore a black mask to cover their nose and mouth. There were some groups like this in London and the two otherworldly beings did not realise the possible threat until they found their path barred by the blade of a knife.“Leave your wallets and go!” The boy who had uttered these words was at the head of the group: of medium height for his age, but stocky and well built, he had his arm stretched out in front of him, with the knife trembling slightly in his hand, while his friends laughed and encouraged him. Aziraphale looked at him better: the boy was dressed in black and wore a cap from which a few blond curls escaped, above the black mask with a Mallard drawn on it, two green eyes stared anxiously at the couple of men in front of him. The group of boys had fanned out as if to surround the two unfortunates who were watching the scene with particular indifference.“Ah! Don't you have any rave parties to go to, or anything better than this?” Crowley showed no sign of fear, he was mostly annoyed by the interruption and stared at the young man with a bored look. Aziraphale, to the demon's right side, did not miss the opportunity for a good deed and addressed the teenager in a sweet and courteous, almost paternal tone.“Young man, don't you think your behaviour is quite reckless? Two wallets are certainly not worth the price of your soul, so withdraw from this sinful path!"The young man in question, named Milton, was confused. It was the first time since he joined the group that they had given him the lead task, and when he observed the others, it had seemed simple to him: find some harmless passerby, point the knife, threaten and pick up the wallets thrown on the ground while their owners ran away. However, these two didn’t want to cooperate.“I said empty your pockets!”“Does it look like these pockets would ever hold anything?” Crowley was pointing his index fingers at the very tight leather pants and Aziraphale swallowed softly, distracting himself for a moment from what was happening."Enough! Do as he says!”The tallest boy in the group was the one who had spoken. With an aggressive, challenging look in his eyes, he pulled a gun out from under his jacket and pointed the short barrel of the weapon at Crowley and Aziraphale, expecting the two men to cower in fear at that point. The angel was, in fact, beginning to feel a little nervous, and turned to face the gun.“This is just ridiculous!”Crowley, however, exhibited an affable smile that, at the very moment, was worth a hundred painful death threats.“Oooh I warned you guys, have a safe trip.”He took off his sunglasses, letting his golden eyes gleam in the dim alley light. He tasted on the tip of his tongue, with slight disgust and a hint of satisfaction, the smell of fear and exhilaration coming from the five brats. He was about to raise his arm, with the firm intention of magically sending the gang who knows where, when everything went pear-shaped.“What the fuck is wrong with your eyes?! Stop!" The boy with the gun panicked, tightening his index finger on the trigger.The bang rang strangely low in the night but the bullet hit the mark.Crowley first heard a cry of pain, and he wasn't sure whether it came from Aziraphale or himself. He saw the angel stagger and a red spot spread quickly on his belly. Out of shock, Crowley was unable to grasp any information from his surroundings, only Aziraphale's eyes existed, looking at him astonished. He didn't hear the hiccup that escaped the angel's lips before Aziraphale disappeared right before his eyes in a blue crackle. Crowley could no longer sense Aziraphale anywhere; not in Soho, not in London, not in the UK, nowhere. In the whole world, there was no sign of Aziraphale anymore. As Crowley fell to his knees on the rough asphalt, emptied of any will, there where his friend had been just a second before, he barely caught the footsteps of the youngsters running away screaming and he certainly didn't hear, among other voices, the tall guy repeating “I didn’t do it, I didn’t!”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Aziraphale blinked to get used to the sudden white light that surrounded him. He found himself alone, in one of the infinite halls of Heaven. No surprises.

He was annoyed, to say the least, he couldn't believe he had just been shot. He could not remember a single time when he had felt more indignant and exasperated towards humanity since that morning in 1793 in the Bastille spent waiting for his beheading.

He looked around, the white marble of the non-building and the glass of the infinite non-windows reflected his image from every possible angle and he was surprised to still be wearing his human clothes, complete with a crimson stain on the waistcoat.

“What are you doing here Aziraphale?”

A dry, authoritative voice took him by surprise. He turned, nervously, towards the angel who had found him, trying to show off a smile that he knew very well looked guilty.

He was aware that sooner or later he would have to talk to someone, to process his discorporation and ask for another body, but the other angels had rarely ever behaved in a friendly manner. In fact, Aziraphale already imagined how many prayers a new corporation would have cost.

At that thought, for a brief moment, fear slid down his back in many frozen drops: how long would it be before he could return to Earth, to Crowley? He could only hope for heavenly mercy, but the expression of the divine being before him didn’t give optimistic expectations.

Saraqael was staring at him from a floating wheelchair with their trademark derisive gaze, a single eyebrow raised in judgement of Aziraphale who, in their eyes, clearly didn’t embody at all the image of angels that Heaven wanted to promote.

“What’s with this attire? Why are you here?"

The tone was more that of a third-degree interrogation than of a question asked out of curiosity. Aziraphale wondered if there was even a single way to explain his reasons so he could get what he wanted and leave quickly.

“Well, you see Saraqael, ahem… I'm dead.”

"Dead." Saraqael seemed to consider the statement sceptically as if Aziraphale was mocking them.

"Well yes. Discorporated you’d say. Uhm. Right in the middle of a work of redemption of some young humans who -uhm- shot me.”

“Not much of a redemption work, I'd say.” They couldn’t help but point out.

“Uhm. So… I think this counts as a fall on duty and my work is certainly not done down there, so no laziness! New body, new day!”

Aziraphale tried to put a cheerful, confident tone into his voice, shaking his fists upwards in an encouraging gesture. From Saraqael he got nothing but a judgmental look in response.

“So you would be asking for a new body to return to Earth. A very bold or very naive request for an angel who rejected the divine plan not once but twice.”

“I-I'm not sure I understand?” Aziraphale was almost afraid to ask for explanations.

“Thanks to your refusal of the position as Supreme Archangel, the office will remain vacant until we find a solution. Do you know what this means?”

“Oh… oh! I'm sorry, I'm not cut out for that, it was all a misunderstan-"

“That means: daily performances of “The Sound of Music” until we can go back to work.”

“Ah! This sounds, uhm… really impressive and lovl-”

“Aziraphale. You're not dead. No one shot you. That's red paint and you haven't been discorporated. What you did was appear in the middle of my sector which, as you know, doesn’t take care of distributing bodies, nor paint stains, nor traitorous angels in the mood for jokes, nor anything else until The. Hills. Are. Alive. With. The. Sound. Of. Music!"

Saraqael imbued each of the last words with barely contained exasperation, glaring at him with their big eyes and crackling with divine energy as if they were ready to bring down the wrath of the Lord on the first unfortunate person who came within reach. The unfortunate being, needless to say, was there in front of them.

For a moment Aziraphale didn't feel exactly steady on his feet. Now he remembered how he hiccuped after being shot, probably by a paintball gun, before finding himself in Heaven. He almost wanted to cry both from the overwhelming relief to still have a body and the fear of those out-of-control miracles.

“My last thought was the paperwork and then that damn hiccup transferred me here.” His dejected peep didn't stop Saraqael from hurling any more biting comments at him.

“Maybe you could Climb Every Mountain to heal your problem whatever a hiccup may be.” Aziraphale however, looked so defenceless that Saraquel pitied him, after all, they were an angel too.

“Come on, I'll accompany you to the lift. I imagine you want to go home to your friend from Downstairs.” They turned the floating chair in the direction of the interplanar elevator and proceeded without waiting for a response from Aziraphale who, for his part, followed them with an uncertain pace but eager to return to Crowley.

“Uhm, so you know about me and ehm… about Crowley?” he asked hesitantly. He wanted to know if they were still on the radar of his former bosses.

"Of course. I'm keeping an eye on you, you are free and therefore dangerous. Dangerous for yourselves mainly, a few evenings ago I was checking that-"

“You check on us?!” Aziraphale was shocked.

“I don't do it for you but for him.”

Oh, of course,

Aziraphale thought. Heaven would never trust Crowley, they would always consider him an outcast demon, without seeing how he was the most lovable being in the whole creation. Saraqael glanced at him sideways and ignored his reproachful expression and little angry coughs.

“I've always had a soft spot for that hothead, ever since before The Beginning, when we worked together on the nebulae. So I decided to check on you guys every now and then, just to be safe.”

Aziraphale fell silent and felt an instant surge of love towards Saraquael. A tension that he didn’t know had enveloped his heart for a long time melted away. Knowing that he wasn't the only one who worried about Crowley's well-being made him feel infinitely grateful and relieved.

“And I was right! Luckily, I saw you two falling a few nights ago.”

The gratefulness died on the spot with the realisation that Saraqael had seen them during the pitiful aerial nudity episode. The embarrassment hit him square in the chest. Aziraphale's cheeks seemed to take on every colour of the visible spectrum before turning a deep shame-filled red.

“At first I didn't understand exactly what you were doing, assembled like that, it looked like a fight. I was about to leave you in peace, it's none of my business if you argue." They continued undeterred, completely satisfied with Aziraphale's mortification.

He couldn't say a single word, horrified at the memory of the spectacle he had made of himself on that occasion. Suddenly, the guillotine didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“Then when I heard your prayer, I understood that you were, indeed, in trouble. To quote you:

Oh my God I don't want to be found like this, please.

”

“Please, stop.”

“That's something you never tell Crowley.”

“Ngk!”

Saraqael looked at him and gave an amused little snort.

“You better go now or you'll discorporate for real this time.”

The two of them arrived in front of the elevator, the doors opened to welcome Aziraphale inside but he hesitated.

“Saraqael, I have to ask you. There's something wrong with my miracles, I'm out of control and I don't know what to do. Is it Heaven’s doing?” He had no guarantee that the ex-colleague would tell him the truth but he might as well try.

“Of course not, we still pay your bills, am I wrong?”

Aziraphale knew they were right and could see how the situation intrigued them. Saraqael pulled a rectangular piece of glass from their jacket pocket and unceremoniously, never asking for permission, pointed it at him. A golden beam seemed to scan him from head to toe and after a second Saraqael got their answer from the strange angelic device.

“Ah!” Their expression was disgusted.

"What? What's that?" Aziraphale felt he couldn't survive any more surprises that day.

“Do you remember Anathema, that witch who stopped the nuclear Armageddon a few years ago? Go find her. She has opened a mystic shop in central London, “The Big Bugger” the name. She will be able to help you, being an occult specialist, a real one.”

With that, they pushed Aziraphale into the lift, prodding him with the corner of the chair. The celestial being wanted to get rid of him quickly all of a sudden.

“But, pardon me, why? What’s wrong with me? Can't You help me?"

Saraqael's face became even more nauseated.

“I have no intention of touching that thing, not even with a miracle!”

Aziraphale was confused and slightly alarmed but thought it was best to do as they said and go to this specialist before Saraqael decided to keep him in Heaven for whatever reason.

He looked at the central button in the lift, destination: Earth, and before pushing it he felt the need to thank the other angel. Although their manner wasn't explicitly kind, they had just helped him and took an interest in his and Crowley's fate. For Heaven’s sake, Saraqael had saved them from certain death during that crazy fall, bringing them back to the library!

“Thank you Saraquael, dearly. You have been invaluable… in more ways than one. But, ehm, well… try to keep your checks to a minimum if you can, uhm you know, privacy.”

Saraqael leaned forward slightly, lowering their voice, speaking in confidence and Aziraphale bowed just the same.

“I'll use one of those

lovely human expressions

you like so much.”

They gave him an oblique look and gazing dead in the eye, in their peculiar stern voice blurted out:

“That night I laughed my ass off.”

The elevator doors finally closed but as he descended, Aziraphale could still hear Saraqael's laughter echoing through the halls of Heaven.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Once back in Soho, Aziraphale hurried to his bookstore as dawn began to tinge the sky in pink. He had been gone most of the night.

Going up to the bedroom he thought about calling Crowley, but first, he had to change. Aziraphale could no longer stand the sight of that red stain on his dear old clothes and was afraid of ruining them forever with an unfortunate hiccup, if he used a miracle to clean them. Crowley surely had figured everything out already anyway, Aziraphale would have bet on it.

Entering the room he turned on a lamp which dimly outlined the antique furniture that populated it. The small light seemed to accentuate the shadows all around as he made his way to the large wardrobe in the corner, going around the new bed. Crowley had kindly created it identical to the one that had fallen who-knows-where.

He opened the wardrobe and began to undress, removing his overcoat and waistcoat and putting them away carefully, in preparation for a visit to one of those shops that humans called "laundries" or for Crowley’s help.

He remained in trousers and shirt, examining them thoroughly for any red stains, when he heard a rustle behind him and caught a movement out of the corner of his eye.

He turned to look better at the bed, still half shrouded in darkness and noticed that a shape was rising from the covers as if a small mountain was growing in the middle of it.

“Oh for Heaven's sake, what now?!” That night gave no sign of wanting to leave him in peace.

Dammit! What else could happen?

The blankets fell slightly to the side, revealing a gigantic snake head and a large pair of yellow eyes.

“Azzziraphale?” Under the loud reptile hiss, Crowley's voice was audibly hoarse and pained. Upon hearing that pitiful sound, Aziraphale felt guilt filling him and with a strong pang in his heart he knew it had happened again, he hadn't been able to protect him.

“Aziraphale!”

The serpent jumped towards him as it quickly regained a humanoid form and wrapped the angel in a tight embrace that was more reminiscent of a grip of coils.

It was indeed Crowley, crumpled like a used tissue. Aziraphale turned his neck with difficulty to look at him, he looked like hell: his beautiful yellow eyes were flushed, his complexion paler than usual, he had lost his unmistakable, always perfect hairdo, and his hands were slightly trembling.

"Where… where..." Crowley could barely speak while hugging Aziraphale with all his might.

“It was the hiccup! I went to Heaven but I'm back in perfect shape, you see? Crowley dear, awww look at you poor thing, you didn't have to worry so much. Listen, I just got a lead for my problems with the miracl-”

“I thought you were never coming back!” Crowley broke the embrace and stared at Aziraphale with enormous amber eyes wide with anger and pain, so full of disarming sorrow that Aziraphale didn’t have the heart to continue.

Crowley looked like he was about to explode and that's what he did, moving away from Aziraphale just enough to see him fully, he started to rant.

“You were g-gone! You were there and then you were gone! In Heaven! With THEM!”

Cowley’s voice was rising and Aziraphale started to feel a bit panicked, he didn’t know how to make Crowley feel better. The demon’s face was a mask of grief.

“It’s not like it was my fault or choice. Crowley, I came back!”

Aziraphale needed so desperately to let his reasons be heard but he had to be the calm one in that moment. Crowley was hurt and wasn’t thinking straight; what happened between them two weeks before in the bookshop, wasn’t going to happen again if Aziraphale had a word in it.

The angel took a step towards Crowley and offered his arms again and replied in a soft, warm voice.

“I came back to you, as soon as I could.”

“And how was I supposed to know that huh? How!? How could I be sure that this time they would let you leave? That you would even want to return here?!” Crowley took a step towards Aziraphale, grabbing his shirt with both hands at chest level—not to cause harm, but out of distress. He was trying to  get a hold of himself, desperately needing Aziraphale for that, who looked at him as if he might shatter like glass at any given moment."

“Crowley you are being unreasonable! Why should I ever-”

“I thought you w-would- ssstay in Heaven this time, that it wasss- only a matter of time- be-before you-ahhhh!”

Each word was a tearless sob, the sentences chasing and stumbling from Crowley's mouth in an endless cascade. Crowley let go of Aziraphale and started walking angrily up and down the room, he was wildly throwing his hands and arms in the air, underlying each phrase with a furious shrug of shoulders.

“Why? Why did you go away and-aha… like that? What did I do?" It was clear that he was no longer talking about that night, but about the day Aziraphale had followed The Metatron.

With that said, Crowley sank on Aziraphale's bed, arms and legs crossed, looking gloomily at the floor.

You didn't do anything wrong

, was what the angel would have loved to tell him, to hold him in his arms, to reassure him, to be his solid world and make him feel at home.

Aziraphale could feel the tears rising in his throat like a tide, but he also knew that it was time to put all his cards on the table. They couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't wait any longer. That quiet desperation that they both had been carrying inside for weeks, no, for millennia, had to end.

Crowley clung to himself like a castaway to the pieces of a wrecked ship. It seemed that at any moment something bigger than him would take away all his hopes. Aziraphale calmly sat down next to him on the bed. Crowley's body was going through continuous tremors and the air almost crackled around him. The angel tried to calm him by gently caressing his arm with one hand and spreading his wings to wrap around them. They found themselves in their personal cocoon, while the outside light began to timidly fill the room.

Crowley reached out, grabbing the edge of Aziraphale's shirt as if afraid of losing him by mistake, while his other hand touched his own face. Aziraphale couldn't be certain, but perhaps Crowley had just wiped away a tear. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, while Aziraphale was doing his best to find something to say.

“Crowley, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”

His words reached Crowley, more because of the extreme tenderness in his voice than their content. When the worst was over Aziraphale took a deep breath and silenced the doubts and fears in his head. He could no longer accept Crowley’s suffering like this and felt that they both had reached their limit.

Aziraphale bent down, cupping Crowley's head with his hands to lift it slightly, and rested his forehead on his, noses touching, lips a breath apart.

“Crowley. We need to talk. Please listen.”

When he was sure that he had his attention, Aziraphale moved his head just enough to look the other straight in the eyes and let his words loose, uncensored, for the first time. Completely, painfully, honest.

"What do you want? Tell me what you need and I'll give you everything I have. I've wanted to make you happy since the Garden, since the Beginning, but I didn't know how, thinking that I could never give you anything of myself. Now I can. Now I'm sure we can, that you want it too and that the sky won't fall on our heads. So… what do you want?”

Crowley looked at him in astonishment for a few seconds, raising his thin face with big wet eyes and pale cheeks. He didn't move a muscle, completely still, in the understanding of that moment. He understood what Aziraphale was trying to do: decide, together and officially, what they would be to each other from that moment on.

Crowley's head was crowded with thoughts as loud as a nest of screaming birds. In fact, he felt like the queen of all the screaming birds. Now or never, that was clear. So he didn't hold back, he could ask, it was allowed. Nobody would punish him. The longing, repressed and hidden that had been in his heart since the beginning of time, had found its home in Aziraphale.

“I don't want to feel like I have to apologise for how I feel about you. I am a demon, a serpent, a fallen one. That’s what I am, now and always. Heaven and Hell have nothing to do with us anymore, we are alone, finally free. Let me be close to you, in my way."

Aziraphale nodded slowly, considering his words, finding the most delicate ones he was capable of. Crowley had answered his question with his heart in hand, without any more veils or unsaid truths, he owed him the same favour.

“I want you to stop pointing out how different we are. Listen…Everyone is different, I learned that from humans. No matter how damned you believe you are, you are important, you are my favourite being in the entire universe. Why can't I say you're nice? I tried to tell you in my own words… but…there was nothing to forgive about you from the very Beginning. Whatever flaws you may ever have, you are as lovely as the first time I met you, when

days

and

time

did not yet exist.”

Aziraphale wasn't sure he had said everything, the essential part was there though, the solution was within reach and finally part of the lump he felt in his throat had loosened, but he was afraid. Afraid of what his words could bring and change and how they could hurt. He looked down at his lap. But he couldn't stop, Crowley had been brave, he had to be brave too.

There's no going back.

“You hurt me when you didn't agree to follow me to Heaven. I thought that you wanted to save the Earth as much as I did, that you would walk by my side like you always have.”

Still under the white protective wings, Crowley stopped clutching the angel's shirt, adjusted the cuffs of his jacket and with a gesture tried to give a little order to his messy hair, before settling himself better next to Aziraphale, as much as that slinky being knew how to sit. He looked at his angel carefully before answering.

“I hoped it was more important for you to be an “

us”

. I didn't want to believe it when you asked me to return among the angelic ranks, as if it were the solution... you know, to everything." He said as a hand fluttered up and down pointing to himself as the cause of every problem.

Aziraphale looked him straight in the eyes and raised a hand to caress that face still crossed by a discontented grimace, leaving his hand there against Crowley’s cool skin. There was determination in the demon’s gaze; this time Crowley wouldn't turn his back on him or run away from the conversation. His strength was transmitted to Aziraphale, who would not have burst into tears, nor would he have closed himself behind an impenetrable silence.

“Do you know what I thought when, upon arriving in Heaven with The Metatron, I discovered that it had all been a misunderstanding?”

Crowley shook his head expectantly: he had placed his long, tapered fingers on the hand Aziraphale held on his cheekbone.

“I felt like breaking into pieces, that I had lost you for nothing. I wanted to make a difference and instead, the only thing that was different by the end of the day was that everything between us seemed to have ended in shambles." Aziraphale closed his eyes for a moment, finding the strength to say one last thing out loud.

“I thought I was solving all your problems, but it turns out the problems were mostly mine. I still have faith in doing the right thing but I will no longer take for granted who the good ones and the bad ones are, I can promise you that. We will solve everything together, we will be

us

."

Crowley smiled with those silky lips of his, looking at him tenderly. Aziraphale felt grateful to see him serene, no longer furious or desperate. The old, wily serpent of his heart had returned to shine with his usual light.

“I forgive you, angel.”

"Oh. Good Lor-”

But he couldn't finish the sentence because Crowley was already kissing him and their mouths were doing nothing but searching for each other and separating just enough to whisper mutually words like "Forgive me" or "I'm sorry".

The hands of both sought the other's nape, to hold each other tight. Aziraphale felt Crowley's lips passionately peppering every spot on his face with frantic kisses, some light, some urgent, all hungry.

“I missed you, angel…”

Aziraphale had the same desire filling him to the brim, a deep need to make his love happy and to receive as much. He felt on his tongue the slightly salty taste of Crowley's skin as Aziraphale dug his fingers into the demon’s downy red hair. He resolved to lick away every trace of that now useless tear that Crowley had tried to hide.

Aziraphale heard Crowley's breath hitch for a moment as he ran the tip of his tongue lightly from Crowley’s jaw to his cheek to reach the high cheekbone. The demon remained still, mouth open as he savoured Aziraphale's touch, who finished his journey with a kiss to his temple.

Crowley plunged his tongue into Aziraphale's mouth in response. Goosebumps ran down the demon's neck, and when Crowley slipped a hand between the angel's thighs, Aziraphale's heart seemed to fill his entire chest, pounding wildly.

They looked into each other's eyes, tense and ready, their bodies a bundle of warm, receptive nerves. Then Crowley seemed to make a decision.

In an instant, the demon slithered to the ground in a fluid motion, kneeling and beginning to unbutton Aziraphale's pants. The white wings barely touched his head. The trousers had not yet reached mid-leg when Crowley, impatient, buried his head between the angelic thighs, devouring them with kisses.

“Aziraphale… I want to treat you right tonight, all night long, touching you...looking at you, feeling your heartbeat…”

On the bed, Aziraphale couldn't believe the breathtaking sight before him. Crowley was simply astonishingly gorgeous. It made him tremble to his bones, seeing him kneeling in the heat between his legs not far from his boxers, where his effort was already hard and pulsating.

Aziraphale watched as the morning light bathed Crowley in a golden halo, filtering through the feathers of his snowy wings. Without shame, Aziraphale admitted that he had never seen anything purer.

“I missed your nest.” Crowley said while stroking Aziraphale’s flight feathers as his mouth left round red marks on the angel's inner thighs.

A shiver of pleasure took over Aziraphale's body and he arched his back, staring at the ceiling and propping himself up with one arm on the bed. His wings opened slightly, following his shuddering breath.

Crowley's long fingers were insinuating under Aziraphale’s clothes, undressing him layer after layer, leaving him bare-chested, where Crowley’s hands began to follow the curve of his throat, travelled lower to his stomach, and then reached his tartan boxers.

Aziraphale's legs seemed to lose all strength but he couldn't give in so soon. He wanted to show Crowley everything he was capable of, to reveal all the wildest desires the demon had ever inspired in him. For a moment he wondered if there was still lace lingerie under those tight pants and he felt dizzy at the thought. A new frenzy invaded his body and mind, he knew he could do anything for Crowley and would receive just as much.

“Crowley, there must be something I can do for you, in return?” Aziraphale hoped that his timid attempt was neither too brazen nor too dark to interpret.

A glint full of obscene intention lit up Crowley's eyes as his hand went to discover Aziraphale's effort, the wily mouth a breath from the fleshy tip, making Aziraphale gasp frantically.

Crowley tilted up his head, eyes widened in need, glanced for a moment at the angel and smirked. Even though everything about him was rumpled at that moment, from the clothes to his hair, Crowley always seemed to have the situation under control. Aziraphale felt safe.

“Careful angel, I could wear my shades and dance with you all night long.”

“Crowley..." Aziraphale cupped Crowley's head with one hand. One hell of a hand. He was firmly grasping at Crowley's hair, making him moan with delight in that grip and guiding him down.

“You've been warned, angel.” Thus, Crowley took all Aziraphale's cock in his welcoming mouth.

The sensation was much better than Aziraphale had ever imagined. He could see how his cock disappeared between Crowley's lips, sucked greedily, sinking into the warm, wet mouth. The softness of Crowley's tongue lapping all around his effort was something Aziraphale had long dreamed of experiencing.

Aziraphale's hand was still on the back of Crowley's neck and the angel took the opportunity to push Crowley even deeper onto his cock, while they both panted with excitement.

Crowley was sucking like his life depended on it and Aziraphale couldn't hold back even a single whimper. That tongue was doing the Devil's work, curling inhumanly around Aziraphale’s entire length and titillating his tip where a lubricating drop of semen was promptly licked off.

Aziraphale felt a throbbing heat in his lower abdomen rise with every touch of Crowley's mouth. The more his pleasure grew, the more he felt himself losing control over his own body. The contours of his being became blurred, making him forget where he ended and Crowley began. Another flick of the tongue had him almost collapsing onto the bed begging for mercy.

Crowley laughed, a half-choked, muffled-by-pleasure chuckle but still a laughter. He took a moment, pushing away, only to whisper into Aziraphale’s cock, looking at it like it was an exquisite chalice of wine: “You won't last, I will make sure of it.” And then he dived again, throat-deep onto Aziraphale's turgid cock.

Aziraphale knew Crowley was right, halfway into the ride… oh… and he was… already… starting to feel… too tender, too blessed, too… Ah… Something…Everything!

From Aziraphale's mouth came the most shameful noise he ever produced in his long existence; he felt the embarrassment pouring along the back of his neck and ears in a burning streak. He felt tremendously exposed, ready to do anything to lose himself in those sensations. He wanted more, he wanted it all. He wanted Crowley to devour him and penetrate him, he wanted… he wanted…

“Hic!” In a flicker of angelic light, Crowley found his mouth empty and looked at Aziraphale as if the angel had just scratched his Bentley.

"Where did you put it?"

Aziraphale didn't know what to answer but they both noticed that on his chest he was showing off a pair of large, round, silky breasts. His facial features were almost the same but more rounded, his hair had lengthened to the shoulders in a wavy golden cascade. His penis was gone and in its place, a pink cunt stood on display, glistening with excitement under Crowley's nose.

“Oooh! It's the first time I’ve see you like this!”

“I've lost control over my powers again damn it! Forgive me Crowley for this interruption, I'll try to change back to how I was before."

Aziraphale's new voice wasn't that different from the previous one, same amiable tone, the same anxious attitude in a container that smelled the same, as vanilla and berries. Crowley recognized his angel, she had only acquired an even fluffier and sweeter form, something he wouldn't have thought possible.

"You are stupendous. Stay like this."

Crowley laid Aziraphale fully on the bed, with the same care the angel used with him before, making her spread her wings completely. The new female appearance was a marvellous sight, a riot of curves and smooth skin like none in the world. Aziraphale's eyes glanced at Crowley in excitement but betrayed a particular anxiety born of the unexpected situation.

Crowley carefully bent on top of her as he miraculously stripped away his own clothes which had never really been there unlike Aziraphale's. The angel held his breath, open-mouthed at the sight of Crowley's naked body and the sensation of his chest on her tender belly.

Aziraphale enjoyed running his hand over Crowley's beautiful shoulders dotted with light freckles, the legacy of his snake scales. She couldn't wait to push the demon back between her yearning thighs but Crowley took her right hand instead and, while he was still half lying on Aziraphale, he entwined it with his left hand and began to move them both on his body.

Aziraphale could feel an electric energy pass between those hands and Crowley's corporation. Together they caressed his forehead, his nose, his lips and his long neck, on which the angel already had ancient plans, and then moved on to his chest, embellished with curls of tawny hair. At their hands’ passage, the skin lightened and softened, the shapes became less sharp and instead of the two dark nipples on Crowley's chest, two nice breasts with pointed nipples grew.

“Crowley you are- you are! YOU! ARE!”

“Of course angel. Did you want to be the only one having all the fun?”

"Fun?" Aziraphale had trouble concentrating given the stunning view in front of her.

Crowley leaned close to her ear and in a puff of hot breath whispered: “In this form we can come as many times as we want.”

Aziraphale quickly moved her hand to cover the rest of Crowley's belly. She was in a hurry to finish the work and enjoy its fruits as soon as possible.

When she got to Crowley's cock, Aziraphale slid the warm flesh between her delicate, plump fingers. Crowley's effort, erect and ready, disappeared and, in a shimmering magical flicker, Aziraphale's fingertips sank into delicious new folds.

Aziraphale didn't hold back from moving his fingers where they felt they belonged. Caressing Crowley in her intimate parts and seeing her tremble, shaken by shivers of pleasure, her eyes closed because the new sensations were simply too much, gave Aziraphale an unprecedented and all-encompassing happiness.

In the midst of desperate whines Crowley looked like she wanted to say something, but Aziraphale's doing was leaving her no escape. The angel stopped briefly, satisfied with the effect she was able to cause, eager to hear what Crowley had to say before ruining her.

Crowley barely managed to open one eye and gather enough breath to say: “Wait.”

“Wait what, dear?” Aziraphale said this smiling and pressing lightly on Crowley's clit, leaving a wet streak and causing a shaky sigh to escape the demon.

Crowley ran a hand through her short fawn hair and in an instant long wavy locks covered her shoulders and chest until they almost touched her breasts.

“G-G-Golgotha?!” Aziraphale's voice had reached an almost lyrical timbre and her gaze flew here and there, full of amazement and desire.

Crowley smiled as if he expected that reaction and found it funny.

“I remembered that you seemed to like this look.”

Aziraphale pulled Crowley in a long hug, cheek to cheek, her smooth and creamy tits fitting perfectly with Crowley's smaller ones.
 
“Amo te in omni era,

omni modo,

omni spiritu capio.”

“I love you in every era,

in any way,

with my every breath.”

Crowley seemed to melt in her arms and turned to kiss her. For Aziraphale, at that moment, only the pressure of their lips existed. Crowley's hot breath echoed the heat Aziraphale felt between her legs, her teeth pinched playfully at Crowley’s bottom lip and she wanted more. Nothing was enough.

Aziraphale slid her mouth along Crowley's cheek and kiss after kiss, pressing her lips where the tawny curls didn’t cover the skin, a seductive trail was marked. Aziraphale reached the base of the neck, near the shoulder and remained there, while a hand went down between Crowley’s thighs, making its way between their silky bodies to reach the demon’s tender pussy again.

Crowley's short, high-pitched gurgles almost sounded like weepings and Aziraphale fully enjoyed that imploring music as she bit greedily into Crowley’s shoulder, incessantly passing her tongue and teeth over the increasingly red skin.

Crowley grasped in need at Aziraphale’s wings, resting her head under the angel’s chin, pumping air in her lungs as if she were drowning in pleasure. Aziraphale surrounded her back with her other arm, keeping Crowley close and safe.

Aziraphale’s loving fingers reached Crowley's cunt and the angel pushed them deep inside her, touching voluptuously, exploring and sliding the fingers back and forth as Crowley's pelvis rocked to the same rhythm, one's lust mirrored the other's desire.

The only sounds in the room were their panting, the wet work of Aziraphale's hand, and the gentle stirring of their bodies on the blankets.

Crowley sat up with some difficulty on Aziraphale's stomach, not listening to the latter's complaints, who wanted to continue sucking her long neck. Crowley lowered her hands onto her angel's chest and cupped the two large breasts, squeezing slowly and gently.

“Give me more.” She whispered while sucking Aziraphale’s nipple lasciviously.

Aziraphale didn't have to be told twice and slid a third finger between Crowley’s folds as the demon began fucking Aziraphale’s hand with furious passion, towering over the angel and riding her fingers, letting the wetness drip down her thighs and Aziraphale's wrist.

“Angel, you are everything good this world has ever asked for. Everything about you drives me crazy, I can't stop thinking about you for a second when we aren't together. There's nothing I can compare you with because nothing can be compared to you. I want you whole, I want you forever, I could ride you like this all day and night for the rest of eternity.”

The golden eyes, mesmerising and lit with an otherworldly glow, were fixed on Aziraphale, while the auburn hair looked like a flame dancing in the air. Aziraphale was sure that the demon’s gaze could incinerate her and give her life back if only Crowley wanted it.

Aziraphale felt a searing heat burning her throat; a never-ending thirst had gripped her for so long that she had gotten used to it. Eras had passed without being able to quench her longing until that moment, and now Crowley was the fire that burned from within and the water that would finally save her.

Crowley was taking everything she wanted, the excited panting had given way to long deep breaths and now her fever had taken over her mind. The pace was fast, she rubbed her clit while Aziraphale’s fingers kept thrusting in and out of that incredible body.

Aziraphale couldn't say how long they spent in that position and she didn't care, but at some point Crowley's new soft corporation began to tremble and shudder, gripped by spasms of pleasure, skin hot as hell itself. Aziraphale redoubled her efforts, she wanted to hear Crowley scream her name and while she felt the demonic pussy squirming tightly against her fingers, they maintained eye contact the entire time. Until Crowley froze, holding her breath, turning her face to the sky, her body tense to capture the moment of the explosion.

“Aziraphale please!”

Aziraphale grabbed Crowley's firm ass to support her while with a strangled cry she came into her hand, experiencing for the first time the kind of deep orgasm that makes you jolt in pleasure even the next day, just at the thought of it.

Aziraphale found Crowley back in her arms. Happy and beaded with sweat, the two ineffable beings giggled, exchanging sweet little kisses on the nose, forehead, lips and wherever their exhausted bodies could take them. While resting there nothing else than their arms and eyes seemed important and Crowley felt at home.

After a brief pause, Crowley began to crawl towards the end of the bed, being careful not to ruffle Aziraphale’s wonderful wings.

"Where are you going?"

“To finish what I started, angel."

“Crowley…”

“I can feel it, you know? Your lust. Let me make a mess out of you.”

“Oh, please, Crowley, Yes!”

Crowley settled in the space between Aziraphale's legs and with two fingers opened her folds, exposing the pink button to which she intended to give all her attention. Crowley's long, flexible tongue rubbed flat across Aziraphale's clit, making her whimper and moan, while long gasps left her lips half open. When Crowley felt that the tender cunt was wet and ready to be eaten, she slowly and deliberately slipped her tongue inside Aziraphale, studying every change of expression on the angelic face. From the looks of it, breathing had become an option.

“Relax angel, I will take you apart gently, again and again.”

Crowley pushed her tongue a little further, aiming to fill Aziraphale completely, but she hit an obstacle. She hesitated for a moment before slipping away and staring at Aziraphale with two large wide eyes, an astonished expression painting her face.

"But! Angel this… You have a hymen!”

Aziraphale looked Crowley dead in the eye, the feminine face only adding prissiness to her expression.

"So? It is the first experience for this body.”

"Yeah, sure! But! But! Hell, how could I expect that?!"

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.”

"What?"

"What?"

Crowley's laughter died away in Aziraphale's pussy while the angel's giggles soon turned into disjointed and indecent sounds when the serpentine tongue reached the hymen, erasing it with a lick, a small demonic miracle of her own.

The demon stretched her arms to touch Aziraphale’s breasts and passionately caress the hips’ outline. She reached the feathers on the bed, stroking them along with the curve of the angelic ass and finally landing between the thighs, nails lightly scratching Aziraphale's pink skin. Crowley’s mouth was faithfully attached to the angel’s pussy which contracted in delight at every lap. Aziraphale’s wings were fluttering restlessly, at the speed of her heart.

“Come for me, you beautiful creature.”

Aziraphale felt how Crowley was touching her deep within, shocking her, making her yelp and writhe and want her lover to take root where she was and move never again.

It didn't take Aziraphale long to reach the peak. It was enough for her to caress Crowley's head and feel her sucking the clit even more greedily to burst into a loud prolonged blissful shout. Aziraphale’s wings spread for their entire length, catching the light of the day and reflecting it all around the room with their immaculate perfection, a beacon of delight.

The two lay down, the closest they could, waiting for the breath to return, naked on top of the covers, looking at each other and smiling. Crowley could see the stars hidden behind Aziraphale's human eyes, a radiance as clear as the sky and filled with infinite love. A love that was entirely for Crowley in that precious moment of bliss.

Aziraphale hugged her tightly, hiding her face under Crowley's jaw and whispered happily:

“Before following the CLUES to find out what's wrong with my miracles, do you know what would be needed? A nice hot bath and a cup of tea."

“Nothing could be more true. And stop capitalising.”

“Maybe even something to nibble on for breakfast. I don’t Capitalise Anything.”

“You can nibble on my pussy if you want. Even in capitals if it makes your motor run.”

“HIC!”

With yet another hiccup the two vanished in a blue crackle and a second later they were swimming and groping blindly trying to stay afloat. They had reappeared in the middle of a sea of water, cold and wavy, under a dark sky.

Fighting against thermic shock and fear, Aziraphale made the heavy, drenched wings disappear to not be pulled down the surface and looked around praying that they weren't in the middle of the ocean. Crowley was too busy cursing her to be of any use. Luckily they were surrounded by skyscrapers and boats and that large rectangle of water they had fallen into looked like a port. Crowley promptly snapped her fingers and transported herself and Aziraphale to the nearest dry spot, the gangway of a cargo ship.

Naked, soggy and cold, Aziraphale and Crowley held hands, completely flabbergasted, and looked for a clue as to where they might find each other. A small red house a short distance away bore the words

Boston Tea Party - Ships and Museum

in large black letters.

"Boston! Did you take us to BOSTON?!”

Crowley snapped her fingers again for two bathrobes and thermoses of hot coffee to magically appear.

“Aziraphale, no threat intended but if we don't put an end to this madness I’ll choke you!”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Crowley thought it was all madness. How could a real witch, a witch powerful enough to solve a knot they had been unable to untie, what the hell, even a decent witch, set up shop in the fashionable heart of London?Could it be that simple? No sacrifice, no mountain to climb, no river to cross, no CEO to bribe, to get to said witch? For Crowley’s money that seemed too good to be true.“Aziraphale, are you sure? Really sure?” He said, chasing the angel and then circling him as they walked down the sidewalk.Aziraphale couldn’t take it anymore, he turned to his companion and, tense as a spindle, feet together and bent forward like a teacher talking to an irritating student, scolded him.“Crowley, you’re being petulant!”“H-how can you believe that a two-bit witch can solve our problem! She'll swing her pendulums, play you with the three-card trick and then convince you to buy a telepathic crystal for hundreds of pounds!” Crowley said all this while gesturing in the air.“Telepathic crystals don’t exist!”“And does she know?”Aziraphale, exasperated, kept walking.“Crowley, I remind you that we are talking about the descendant of Agnes Nutter.”“Whose?”“Ughhh you are Unbelievable!”It was almost midnight and Camden Town was bustling with its usual nightlife. Crowds of people animated the streets as the two of them glided through unnoticed by the humans who were too busy with their personal search for entertainment.While Crowley continued to mutter and Aziraphale ignored him, they finally found what they had come for.“The Big Bugger” was impossible to miss, with its assortment of coloured stones, incense, tarot cards, chiromantic charts and posters with the moon phases in the window display. It was located between a colourful perfume shop called Pootiepourri, filled with pictures of strange birds with huge psychedelic eyes, and a sexy shop with red neon signs that read: GOAD -Glorious Oasis for Adult Debauchery- and whose mascot was a goblin with a huge dildo in its hand. Somehow the collection of interesting shops made sense overall.Aziraphale approached the Big Bugger sign, a scowling drawing of the Kraken on the door staring back at him.“Oh look Crowley, what an incredibly delightful little shop. Maybe I’ll buy you something.”“You’re going to look like an idiot and I’m here to stop you from getting into trouble. I don’t wanna see you embarrassed.”“You are being silly, there is nothing to fear.” And with that Aziraphale pushed confidently through the door. “After you.”The interior was a large room longer than it was wide with a low ceiling. It was clean, even if packed with every kind of occult gadget the witchcraft discipline had ever produced. The purple lights dimly illuminated the interior and Crowley turned up his nose at the picturesque sight. It was all so fake and tacky, with the shelves loaded with skulls, velvet drapes, and books on the occult that didn’t even teach the ABCs of the afterlife.“Let’s go, angel, can’t you see that this is stuff for tourists? Come on, if you want a witch I’ve heard rumours there's a small coven of them living on Gleafer Street.”“Welcome, gentlemen! Just take a look at the shelves and don’t be afraid to ask if you need anything.”The girl who had spoken was behind the counter. She was tall and freckled, with caramel-coloured skin, long black hair tied in a messy bun, and round-lensed glasses. She had been idly flipping through a copy of Wingz magazine when she heard them enter and had straightened up professionally, dazzling them with a big smile.Aziraphale strode confidently to the counter, and Crowley reluctantly followed, thinking that he just couldn't remember that Ana-something (not that Crowley ever made an effort to remember anyone) and that she would prove to be a flop.The girl’s smile melted like snow under the sun, as they came close enough to be recognizable even in the dim light.“Ah. It’s you, the book thieves.” Anathema walked around the desk until she was face to face with both of them, looking them up and down with an inquisitorial look.Aziraphale intervened with an introduction before Crowley could come up with a snarky retort.“Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley, thank you. Nothing was stolen and we returned your great-aunt’s book if I remember correctly… well, almost everything.”Aziraphale was having fun, Crowley could see it in his face. The angel was always happy when humans managed to surprise him and he was waiting for the witch to do something “wonderfully human”. Anathema kept staring at them, or rather, at the air around them.“I was inexperienced when we first met but from your auras now I can tell that you two…” Here comes the bullshit, thought Crowley, ready to be told that a £100 coral bracelet would take away the evil eye. If there was one thing Crowley couldn't stand it was being scammed like a chicken - that was his job!“You two are an angel and a demon, powerful, ancient, but there’s something wrong with you, Mr. Fell, in your throat.”They stood speechless. Crowley could survive the fact that the witch’s talent was genuine, but not Aziraphale’s gloating. The angel unfortunately recovered from the surprise before him.“What did I tell you, Crowley? A first-class witch, just the thing for us!” Aziraphale was entirely pleased and gave Crowley one of his self-satisfied looks.Crowley didn’t take up the provocation - Aziraphale was really adorably funny, thus he addressed Anathema directly.“Yes, yes very well, then if you already understand everything, do… I don’t know. One of your hocus-pocus spells, get Azir-ehm-Mr. Fell's miracles under control here and then we'll be gone, as if we never came into the shop. Zero problems. Okay?"Anathema immediately seemed well disposed to those terms and reached out a hand towards Aziraphale.“Very well then let's try to understand what's wrong with you, Mr. Angel. May I put my hand on your throat?”Aziraphale, ever polite and truly happy, answered her with a beaming smile that Crowley wanted to steal and keep in his jacket pocket.“Oh sure, I suppose so. Go ahead!” Aziraphale looked almost too amused.“Less excited angel or the dear Miss Witch here will raise the price.” Crowley hissed in his ear.“Don't be silly, she's a professional.” Aziraphale whispered back.Meanwhile, Anathema had already started working, concentrated, almost in a trance with the fingers of her left hand a few millimetres from Aziraphale's throat. A cavernous voice came out like a howling wind from her mouth and Crowley strained his ears."Little bat, slug, fox fiend with a bitty of marshmallow.""I know a similar magic formula!" Aziraphale exclaimed, now beside himself with excitement and began to recite something the demon remembered all too well." -Banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace with a dash of nutmeg- was part of one of my most successful numbers back in the day! Right, Crowley?""Sh sh shhh, Aziraphale, no."Finally, Anathema, who had completely ignored their exchange, finished what she was doing and stretched out a hand towards them."That makes 200 pounds."Aziraphale's eyes widened and he let out a hysterical cough."Gaspuh! 200 POUNDS?!"It was Crowley's turn to smirk and gloat. He knew Aziraphale would try to negotiate the price on principle and wanted to enjoy the discussion.The angel was not used to concepts like money inflation but he was sure that any human would complain about the price in his place, so that's what he did."And pray, What would I be paying for with 200 pounds?"Anathema lowered her hand and looked at him smiling, putting her hands on her hips."For the Honk of course!"Aziraphale stared at her for a few moments as if she were crazy. Crowley, masked behind his sunglasses, did the same but remained cool as the angel tried to compose himself."Pardon me. What on Earth do you mean by that?"“I’ve figured out what’s your problem and we need to do a ritual: the Honk. It’s 200 pounds.”“Doesn’t that sound like a lot to you? 200 pounds for… for a Honk?”Crowley turned to Aziraphale sceptically, the Devil would take him if the angel knew the value of a Honk. Aziraphale gave him a quick look that meant, “I’m just haggling, as if I know what a honk is!” Ah, right. Crowley was nervous, he could feel it in his bones that whatever this was, it was going to be filthy work.“I don’t know if that’s too much. I only started this business to experience a bit of normal London life with my boyfriend Newt, before I take him to my house in Malibu.”“And you, to live a normal London life, you extort money from your customers?”“That’s what humans do, angel.”Anathema gave a small, impatient snort, took her glasses, cleaned them and put them back on her nose before answering, looking at Aziraphale defiantly, straight in the eyes.“You, Mr. Fell, have a demonic feather stuck in your throat and it won’t be easy to remove. Your friend here will have to give me a hand. The interaction between your angelic nature and the demonic source of the plume has created a disturbance in your powers but once it’s removed, everything will return to normal.”A heavy silence fell in the room. Suddenly the sounds of the city life outside the door didn’t seem so muffled despite all the velvet on the walls.Aziraphale was frozen in place, he didn’t know what to say, and he certainly wasn’t that enthusiastic about the situation anymore. Crowley had no idea what was happening but amused, intrigued and slightly worried, he asked the angel, “Demon feather?”“I’ll tell you later! At home.” Aziraphale avoided his face, his eyes darting between Anathema, the door, and the floor. Crowley hadn’t seen Aziraphale so embarrassed in a long time, he had lost his smug look and it… amused Crowley greatly, so much so that he could have sworn that he had liked Anathema (Now he could remember her name) from the first moment.While Aziraphale stared at them with a speechless frown, Crowley approached Anathema who was gesturing in his direction. He let her whisper the instructions for the Honk ritual in his ear and Crowley’s expression quickly went from curiosity to disgust.“Uuuh… Why should I do something like that?”“Well, because the feather is yours.”Aziraphale, purple in the face, ignored Crowley who turned to look at him with an eyebrow so dizzyingly raised that it was visible above the frame of his shades. He heard Anathema and Crowley talk but didn’t register anything of the conversation, his only thought was “ How can I explain myself now? ”The angel took a few steps forward. Together those three formed a truly comedic group, the demon, the angel and the witch. It could have been the start of a joke that only She would have understood the meaning of.“It’s about my throat, my problem, my miracles! I want to know what’s going on.”“Nothing to worry about Mr. Fell, you just need to relax, stay still and open your mouth wide. Mr. Crowley will go down your throat and retrieve that feather for us in a few seconds and then we can say goodbye. After the payment."Anathema was so calm and relaxed that Aziraphale couldn’t help but find it suspicious. The situation was so absurd that he almost didn’t notice the most worrying piece of information. Almost.“WHAT DO YOU MEAN CROWLEY WILL GO DOWN MY THROAT?”“I had a feeling this was going to be a big rip-off, angel, a dirty job. Trust me, the sooner we finish, the better for everyone.” Crowley snorted, and much to Aziraphale’s surprise, took off his sunglasses and placed them on a nearby table.“Crowley? Your shades!”“I don’t want them to get dirty.”Crowley could see that Aziraphale had only now realised that he had gotten himself into an uncomfortable situation from which he didn’t know how to get out. Who knows what was behind the feather affair… he couldn’t wait to find out more!Aziraphale, for his part, was trying to hide the panic. How to escape the repercussions of a night in which, drunk and horny, he went for the stupidest move? He could feel the sweat beading on his forehead and thought of everything he had to endure the last few weeks. The Universe owed him a vacation.“There must be another way! Please?” He pleaded.“Oh yes there’s one, for it we only need: 500 pieces of sheet music, 24 crows, 4 cats or more, one kitty, one cow, an interesting yolk, a moisty ghost, a rare puzzle, a gorgeous ring, and the lost codex of Me Ghan.”Aziraphale turned hopefully to Crowley."I have all 580 works of Johannes Brahms in my shop, that's a good start."Crowley returned him a less than enthusiastic look.“Come on, Mr Fell, I am also doing you the favour of not asking you how that feather ended up there.”“It- it was an accident!”“That’s what everyone says.”Aziraphale grimaced and decided that he had enough humiliation for one day.“Crowley, let’s go! We’ll do it ourselves.”Anathema had no intention of giving in to Aziraphale's whims and Crowley would have enjoyed the quarrel except that he was about to enter the angel’s mouth with a few more parts than he usually wanted to use."If you want to mess up for sure, go ahead without me, all I ask for is trust and 200 pounds for this ritual.”"This is pure Greed!""I don't deserve a lecture from an angel who goes around treating the seven deadly sins like a checklist."Aziraphale's jaw dropped, his lips stretched into a perfect O, his eyes wide in shock, but the moment wouldn't last long and Anathema had to take advantage of it: "Crowley! Snake form! Now!"Crowley in a fluid gesture gave Anathema his hand and transformed into a small snake while the witch quickly shoved him into Aziraphale's mouth holding him by what was now a tail.
The angel remained still as he suddenly realised what a Honk was.
He felt Crowley's oblong and scaly body descend along his tongue and pharynx and in that brief moment the feeling gave him many confused thoughts, to which he would return later, including the strange sensation that snakes vaguely tasted of chicken.Crowley was deep, very deep, inside Aziraphale's throat who, in agitation, hiccuped, tossing the snake left and right. Thanks to that, however, the demonic feather became corporeal and Crowley perceived its faint infernal heat with his thermo-receptive dimples. Thus the snake demon delicately reached for the feather and took it in his jaws while moving his tail to signal Anathema to pull him out.She tugged at the snake and, like pulling a strange handkerchief from a magician's hat, Crowley was freed from Aziraphale's mouth. For his part, the angel began to make such grimaces of disgust reminiscent of that ancient evening spent in Job's cellar before he succumbed for the first time to the temptation of food and wine.As Crowley resumed his human form, Anathema brandished the tiny black feather in her hand like a trophy."There you go Mr. Fell, your throat should feel infinitely better now! You were lucky, with a feather only slightly larger stuck in there for too long, you probably would have exploded!"In fact, Aziraphale no longer felt the sensation of suffocation that had now accompanied him for over two weeks."The throat is fine but the rest of me cannot say quite the same. Miss Anathema I will make no secret to you that your methods are really... really unorthodox and-” “Come on angel, give her a break. The problem is solved, let's go home.”Crowley put his shades back on, and with a little bow, he pointed to the door, then turned to Anathema. “Actually, it was almost funny, much cleaner than I expected.”“You two! YOU TWO!” Aziraphale stormed out of the shop, not before leaving the 200 pounds Anathema asked for on the counter. Crowley took leave of the witch with a final smirk.“Don’t worry, clearly he adores you, expect a chest of baked goods for Christmas.”So said, he ran after his angel in the chaotic Camden.Anathema was left alone once again in the peace of her shop, so she returned to the Wingz magazine and focused on the article written by the famous witches Looky and Tina, which reported a very complex scheme for a spell: “Now cross the ingredients of the row y2 with the bx column and you will have the power to conjure up bagels and coffee at will.”Anathema huffed, irritated by the loss of concentration, her mind still immersed in thoughts of angels and demons. With a little smile, she thought:
“Those two are a true piece of work, but I would pay to witness the conversation that awaits them. At least 200 pounds.”
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The two of them returned to the car in silence, walking quickly while Aziraphale seemed intent on remaining locked in his mutism and avoiding interaction.Once in the car, Crowley drove while casting apprehensive glances at his sulky passenger every few minutes. It was only fifteen minutes to the bookshop, seven in fact as Crowley was driving the Bentley at 69 mph in central London. Hiding the worry behind his sunglasses, the demon was concerned about the lack of scolding from Aziraphale for the insane speed they were going, and Crowley had no intention of spending the entire journey in pious silence.He kept wondering what all the mystery was about. He couldn’t help it, it was stronger than him, he had to ask the question.“Uhm…so you want to tell me what-”“You didn’t make it.” Aziraphale said it in a defeated tone, looking straight ahead at the road, the cars, houses and shops that Crowley was speeding past, driving like crazy.“Huh? Doing what?” Crowley was feeling really lost at this point.“You couldn’t stop me from getting into trouble and I did look like an idiot in the end… so embarrassing.”“Nothing you are not used to.”“Hey now… shush you fiend.”Silence fell again but this time Crowley had a cocky smile on his lips and Aziraphale was still sulking but at least he spoke.“So you want to tell me the story behind that feather? A feather of Mine nonetheless…”Aziraphale sighed resignedly, looking at his hands in his lap and fiddling with his principality ring.“Well, I suppose there is no choice but to tell you what happened.”Crowley didn’t know whether to be worried or not and promised himself to listen quietly to Aziraphale’s story, even if he would regret it later because he would have loved to comment on it.“Do you remember the first night, back from Heaven? After meeting in the park we went to celebrate at the Ritz with… too much wine and… well, I don’t think you remember what happened next, we went back to the bookshop and then…”

Aziraphale and Crowley were chatting while sitting on the carpet at the foot of the sofa, in the bookshop’s little study. It would have been more honest to say that they were actually trying to articulate sounds that could resemble words, clouded by the river of alcohol they had gulped down and that they had ended up with their butts on the floor without even remembering how.

Aziraphale felt terribly relieved to be on Earth with Crowley at that moment, after the terrible conversation they had a few hours before. Between the revelations about Gabriel and Beelzebub, the appearance of The Metatron and the painful argument with Crowley and how it ended, that day had already been too much, like, over the top too much. However, maybe he had overdone it with the celebrations, he couldn’t coordinate thoughts, words or gestures and yet there was so much he wanted to say.

Crowley, for his part, had been in a mood swing all evening, alternating bursts of hilarity with gruff and confrontational behaviours, more confrontational than usual at least. He hadn’t taken off his sunglasses that evening and the angel couldn't help but read a reproach in that.

Aziraphale gave Crowley a look that was meant to be inquisitive except that the intoxication left him with one eye open and one closed, his lower lip pouting in concentration, holding himself up on the carpet with both hands for balance and his legs spread apart. His usual dignified demeanour had flown out the window.

“Never… been… more… druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

He couldn’t finish the sentence because Crowley on his right was taking off his shirt after getting rid of his jacket and waistcoat, remaining bare-chested.

“Too hhhot in heeeere.” Crowley commented.

“Yah. I kan cee DAT.”

Aziraphale was too drunk to even try to pretend that his eyes weren’t falling out of their sockets to roll over Crowley’s chest and reach his incredible pelvis. A moment before the demon had complained about the heat and now he was lewdly leaning half naked on the edge of the couch... what a lie... he was doing it on purpose... cold-blooded temptor…

Aziraphale felt that Crowley just wanted to annoy him, but could this really be a good time to address the thorny issues pending between them?

While Aziraphale was busy torturing himself with doubts, Crowley let out a pained sigh, bent his neck back, raised his chin toward the ceiling, and started to moan and groan quite dramatically.

“HHHHMMMM angeeel!”

“I’m hhhhere Crowley. N-o n-e-e-d t-o s-h-o-u-t.”

“NNNgnek!”

“Pardon?”

Crowley turned his back on Aziraphale and, still leaning on the sofa, slid onto his side, one arm stretched out on the seat of the couch while his legs were crossed messily.

“It hurts…”

“What hurts?”

Crowley didn’t answer. Aziraphale looked at his crouched figure, his thin shoulders, and in that moment Crowley seemed vulnerable as he had rarely been. He couldn’t help but feel nervous, because he didn’t know what to do with the emotions boiling inside him. It was like having his soul on the grill.

“Aziraphale… hand… please.”

He didn’t have to be told twice: he didn’t know exactly what Crowley was asking of him but Aziraphale would do pretty much anything at this point to regain his trust. So he reached out to Crowley’s shoulders, placing his thumbs on his shoulder blades. The other groaned in satisfaction at the touch.

“Do-do you want a massaaage?” Hesitation mixed with embarrassment in the drunken angel’s voice. The two of them had never indulged in such intimate activities in 6,000 years. At least not physically. Looking at Crowley’s pale skin that faded into the bright red of his hair, Aziraphale managed to give himself courage with a revolutionary thought: maybe if they had hurried up and become more physical sooner, they might have saved themselves a lot of trouble by now.

Aziraphale then actually got a move on and began massaging Crowley wherever he felt him tense. He slid his skilled hands from the centre of Crowley’s back to his shoulders, pressing and smoothing patiently, lovingly, trying to loosen Crowley’s aching muscles as he moaned rather suggestively in pleasure. No small feat considering he couldn't even focus his own fingers properly.

Aziraphale wasn’t in the best of mental clarity at the moment, so he couldn’t just do a good job, his imagination kept tripping over thoughts that were truly not angelic.

He imagined kissing Crowley on the back of his neck and holding him, resting his head on the demon’s shoulder and hiding the face under the sharp curve of his jaw, his forehead pressed against the warm skin while his legs went to encircle the black leather-clad hips. The only being Aziraphale could imagine spending eternity with was Crowley.

The angel infused just a little power into the palms of his hands, cooling them just enough to give relief to Crowley’s booze-overheated body as he began to babble, half-hypnotised by the massage.

“A real snake charmer you are…”

“Ohoh the least I could do for your neck, since you saved mine...”

“Uuh?”

“Crêpes. Guillotine. French Revolution. Not in this order.”

“Ah! How to forget?! Really heckin delicious you were, couldn't concentrate or ssstand up straight. Sssuch a lady tower damsel, I dreamt about those pinky shoes on my shoulders.”

At those words Aziraphale's eyes widened so much they would have made any owl envious. He felt like a real idiot, for goodness' sake, how long had they been circling each other?

“Don’t sstop!”

His hands resumed the work they had abruptly interrupted a moment earlier. Well, now he wouldn't have missed the opportunity for anything in the world.

“I-I dream about your black wings. Always found them such a good look on you.”

“Uh-uh?”

In the blink of an eye the space between them filled with soft, charcoal-coloured feathers. Crowley’s wings, even if not spread out in all their splendour, were still a sight: like those of some birds they returned a dark iridescence that was hard not to be mesmerised by and like everything that belonged to the demon, they were immaculate and in perfect order.

Aziraphale wanted to do nothing but dip his hands in that cloud of raven-black feathers.

The angel thought to himself: “Focus Aziraphale, one thing at a time, these wings are magnificent but compose yourself.”

However, his goodwill failed him when Crowley burst into another chorus of happy groans, as the angel ran his eager fingers over the tops of the wings, starting from the back and sliding his hands along the plumage’s support all the way down to the primary feathers .

“Mmmmore...”

“To hell with the composure.” With that thought, Aziraphale leaned over Crowley, pressing a light kiss between his shoulder blades as his hands continued to caress the wings. Crowley, still dazed, did nothing but bask in the touch.

Aziraphale let himself be guided by the appreciative sounds coming from Crowley, moving up his back kiss after kiss, caress after caress, until his mouth reached the left wing.

Responding to Aziraphale’s urging, the wing stretched out to sweep the carpet, and without further ado, he buried his face in it, feeling the small plumes at the base of the wing tickle his skin. The angel was surrounded by a myriad of soft and tiny black feathers and while his foggy brain was wondering what the next move would be, he heard an unexpected sound coming from Crowley, like a deep, hoarse breath.

It took him a few seconds to understand what it was and to connect the sound to a light snore. He couldn’t believe the demon had fallen asleep in a situation like that, it was impossible.

“Crowley are you…asle-Coff!”

Never inhale in the direct proximity of birds, the probability that feathers will end up in your mouth is dizzyingly high.

Aziraphale found a handful of feathers in his throat and ended up spitting them out and coughing spasmodically for the next five minutes. He gasped on the floor like a dying man looking for water, unable to get up for the simple fact that while he was choking, he forgot how to use his legs.

Amid the cacophony of sneezes and coughs, Crowley only made a sleepy grunt and did not move from the position in which he had fallen asleep.

After a while, Aziraphale, still alive but annoyed by having almost killed himself in such a ridiculous manner and by Crowley's sleepiness, decided to retire in his own room and forget about the last few minutes. Hopefully the alcohol would do the trick for him and cancel the memory of that night, so he went up the stairs staggering. The next day Crowley acted as if nothing had happened and Aziraphale decided to do the same.

"Looking back, since that night I started feeling something in my throat but I thought it was... um... you know... something else."Aziraphale concluded his story and after a moment of silence in which the angel worriedly wondered if the story had horrified Crowley, the demon began to cackle like a hyena, failing in his attempt not to laugh in Aziraphale's face and almost howled as his laughter got out of hand.Aziraphale looked at him reproachfully, but couldn't find a suitable reply."HUAWAWAH! Sorry angel but this is truly the best! THE BEST! I remember almost nothing of that evening but GRAAHAHAHAH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! AHAHAHAHAH!""I knew I shouldn't have told you that." Aziraphale replied in a funereal tone.Crowley wiped away the tears that were shining at the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard.“Oh angel, don’t take it personally.”Crowley reached out and placed his hand on Aziraphale’s knee, who immediately covered it with his. They were speeding through London but they could have been anywhere, whatever was happening outside the Bentley’s windows, remained unnoticed.“Aziraphale, that's all in the past. ”“There's so much in the past.”“Six millennia old friend.”“And never, not once, we told the truth.”“Not entirely. No."The two looked at the road in front of them, each absorbed in their thoughts, in the "what ifs" and "maybes" that over time, they had never hoped to bet on.“Crowley park the car, we're going somewhere special.” Aziraphale was smiling, he had something in mind."Special? The Ritz? We can go there by car.”“No, better. Give me your hand." Crowley didn't ask himself too many questions; he trusted his angel, he would always trust him.Aziraphale took the hand Crowley was offering him and snapped his fingers, making them disappear in a flash of blue light as the Bentley politely parked itself on the corner of the street. A familiar song filled the cabin, a romantic melody following unmistakable lyrics about angels dining at the Ritz and nightingales in Barkley Square. Thus, Crowley’s car remained on that road, letting the serenade accompany its driver on a journey among the stars.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They travelled at transluminal speed, hurtling through space, incandescent. Aziraphale led the way, flying with outstretched wings toward a destination that only he knew, while Crowley let himself be guided, glancing at the stars around him, attached to the angel's hand as if carried by a milky kite launched at an insane speed.In a few seconds, they reached and passed Alpha Centauri, to the demon's disappointment, who would have liked to stop there for a visit. He wondered what their destination was.Aziraphale guided the celestial crossing with confidence, happy with his decision and feeling the comforting presence of his companion behind him. He knew that once, Crowley would have misunderstood what he was about to do, but not now, not after what they had been through.The journey lasted a few minutes, but finally, they stopped, suspended in the void, surrounded by the darkness of space, a transparent bubble cloaked them, illuminating the surroundings and keeping their corporations safe from the sidereal cold.“Do you recognize this place?” Aziraphale, to Crowley's right, showed all his anticipation, fidgeting with visible excitement, glancing eagerly between the demon and the view he was trying to show him.“I'm not sure.” During the voyage, Crowley had calculated an approximate distance from Earth of seven thousand light years, but he was too absorbed in the smile on Aziraphale's mouth to notice where they were.“This is the exact spot where we first met when you started the star factory. Over there are your Pillars of Creation, they are still breathtaking.”Crowley decided to look at what was being pointed out to him and took off his sunglasses, putting them in his jacket pocket. His golden eyes scanned the stars, admiring that part of the nebula in the distance, inside which the cosmic dust met and collided in a perpetual motion. He searched for a name for the emotion that was stirring inside him.For a moment that sensation threatened to overwhelm him, an old sentiment of loss came back, followed by the familiar thought of being an unforgivable traitor; but unlike other times, a distant warmth inside him chased away those gloomy emotions, a warmth that smelled of vanilla and berries.After a long, long time, that feeling finally transformed into a peaceful pride.“I’m not the same as I was then, nor would I go back, but you know, I did a real good job.”“An excellent job.” The angel emphasised, relieved by the other’s reaction.“That’s true. I was damn good.” Crowley smiled as he looked at his old work. “There’s something to be proud of.”Then Aziraphale offered him a hand to shake.“Hello, you must be Crowley, wily serpent of Eden, lover of bebop, reckless driver, inflexible gardener, terrestrial by adoption. Nice to meet you.”Crowley hesitated for a second, taken aback, then understood and shook his hand as he felt that warmth pulsing inside him again.“Nice to meet you Aziraphale, flaming sword Principality, book hoarder, sophisticated eater, enthusiastic gavotte dancer, Earth native by choice.”“Ah! You had to mention the gavotte, didn’t you?”“When something is priceless.”Aziraphale looked at him with renewed interest, a languid look that promised special attention. Crowley swallowed slowly, he was not used to receiving the follow-up of those looks that the angel usually tried to hide or nip in the bud.“I brought you here for more than one reason, you know?” Aziraphale’s eyes were shining wetly, his gentle face expressing nothing but love.“I think I get it.” Crowley replied nonchalantly, briefly looking away. “Look at you! You are gorgeous!”Aziraphale also turned to the spectacle that lay before them, although he looked a little annoyed.“Um, yes it is a beautiful sight.”Crowley smiled slyly. “Yeah, I worked well… but I was talking about you.”“Oh Crowley!”Crowley joined Aziraphale with a kiss, holding him close, one arm around his waist, one supporting his back where his fingers sank into the silky hair at the nape of his neck, while the angel cupped the demon's face with his hands and extreme care. It was a long, soft kiss, full of smiles and breaths that became more and more laboured.Finally, Aziraphale pulled away and said softly: “Come with me, let’s get lost out there.”Crowley could feel the urge growing inside his and Aziraphale’s pants. They couldn't wait to unleash without restraints.“Good idea.”A myriad of white lights began to emerge from the angel’s body, soon followed by red sparks that left Crowley’s. The two flew away from their corporations, which remained to float weightlessly, safe in the miraculous protective bubble, and went to mingle among the star clouds as pure essences.How do you describe two otherworldly beings making love in a form that is not a form? They did not fill the space, they were the space.Constellations are mere concepts, abstract objects, a tangle of imaginary lines that unite the stars, forming designs in the sky that have meaning only for humans. In that moment the ineffable essences gave body and mind to that which had none.Crowley took possession of Serpens and stretched out his coils, enveloping, ring after ring, the feathered body of Aziraphale in a paralysing grip. Serpens moved rhythmically, sinking his jaws into the wing of Aquila who let himself be completely overwhelmed, experiencing an inescapable pleasure.The immense void pulsated with life, space curved and contracted, deep-sky objects thousands of light years away found themselves close for a few moments.Satisfied, Crowley melted and reformed into Lyra, where he sang the sweetest music ever heard by the spheres, because Aquila plucked all its strings, making the celestial harp reverberate with his mighty talons. Matter and antimatter found themselves dangerously close to contact, ready to swallow the universe in the time of an orgasm, but the end of everything did not come, it was Crowley who found a sweet and merciful finish.The very next moment Aziraphale delicately dived into the Milky Way to find refreshment, immersing himself and returning to the surface in the guise of the white Cygnus, it was there that Orion joined him. Crowley slowly slipped off his belt of stars, plunging himself into the glistening astral river and advancing, hungry, towards Aziraphale’s snowy body. His shining thighs encircled Cygnus, pounding him from behind while with one hand he caressed his long thin neck. Aziraphale opened his tapered beak, drunk in ecstasy, and when he thought he was going mad with pleasure, when that galaxy seemed too small to contain him, he spread his wings and let out his cry.The cosmic dust then boiled in response, Orion and Cygnus were consumed, going towards gravitational collapse. Draco and Phoenix came to life from the pressure and temperature that all around reached the point of nuclear fusion, the two essences united in the sky, twisting, suffocating each other with kisses and bites, roaring without respite.Crowley uncoiled his draconic body, rubbing it on Aziraphale, never satiated by the flameless heat that the Phoenix released. Finally, with an inconceivable explosion, stars and remote planets shattered into billions of trillions of fragments, hit by the force of the celestial embrace. Some of them penetrated the Earth's atmosphere, catching fire and dyeing the skies in flames.While the two lovers were busy making NASA images X-rated, a shower of meteors hit the Earth, giving rise to an unexpected event of shooting stars and miracles happened all over the world. At that moment, the shooting of a TV series which would change the lives of dozens of people, was completed. Even the last nation missing from the roll call legalized gay marriage and the entire humanity celebrated for it. In London, Mr Brown (of Brown’s World of Carpets ) received his first dinner invitation in a long time from a handsome postman, with greying hair and a lively tongue. Two girls who lived on opposite ends of the globe finally managed to meet and experience precious moments together. A trans boy walked confidently down the street, without a care or fear, the entire community protecting him. Somewhere an old lady looked back on her life and smiled happily, remembering all the people she had met and the things she had accomplished.It is impossible to describe to mortal eyes what happened, but that was a special day for planet Earth.The return into their bodies felt like resurrection, leaving them breathless, floating side by side in the emptiness of the miraculous bubble they summoned, looking at the firmament without the willpower to do anything but pump air into their lungs.“Damn…” Crowley sighed at last.“Yes…”“Who knows what I'll have to do to deserve another night like this.”“That's the beauty of it, all you need to do is ask.” There was a smile in Aziraphale's voice and a promise of eternity.Too good, too unfair. Crowley turned his face to look Aziraphale straight into those crazy blue, kindness-filled eyes. The curve of his nose, his mouth’s shape, his golden curls, the gaze, would all this ever stop making Crowley tremble with love right down to his bones?"I'll never stop asking you."That was meant to be a lovely threat but the angel knew a prayer when he heard one. Aziraphale's happy expression was everything beautiful it existed and could have melted all the ice on Earth, so Crowley's coolness didn't stand a chance, not really.“Stop it.” Grumbled the demon.“Stop what?”“You are too…” Crowley gestured frantically in the void. “You know.”“What?”Crowley seemed reluctant to spill the tea.“Crowley, come on!”“You are too good. And hot. Global warming kinda hot .”Aziraphale chuckled, delighted, and after a while added, “I count on you never stopping asking me.”He reached out and rested his forehead on Crowley's, noses touching, both closed their eyes, smiling, intertwining their fingers. If there was ever a truly perfect moment in all the universe, that was it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
Now
 I finally put an end to my fanfiction. I had fun writing it and it would be nice if it were true, but this version of reality is far from being achievable because free will can be a real bitch.You can imagine me putting down the heavenly quill, getting up from my divine desk, which looks like a poker table but totally different, and then turning my gaze to you. I decide to describe what I'm doing, to help you.So I take my newly finished manuscript and choose which direction to take in my private library. A place that exists and doesn’t exist at the same time, made of endless bookcases immersed in an intense light of unknown source.With a step that can contain an infinity of them, I move between the shelves of the romance section, arriving at one labelled "The Improbables", where I place my new work. I cover in that single step, approximately a quarter of the distance that separates that instant from the end of eternity and in moving so hastily, a distant galaxy suddenly finds all its planets messed up. I 'll put it back in order later, even if that "later" might be in a billion years. Some call it "ineffable divine plan", I call it procrastination.I caress one of the covers in that immeasurable, imaginative, endless space of possibilities, contemplating the decisions to be made, the choices to be witnessed.Next to “ Hiccup ” just written, I read some other titles: “Ineffable Husbands - escape on a dildo shaped clown rocket ”, “ Kiri and Kuni - The Twins who saved the Smut Fairy ” and “ The Ultimate Llama - The unlikely meeting at the zoo between a lonely carpets salesman and his soulmate ”. Some of my most controversial stories.I turn and smile at you, a smile that contains the eternal power of creation and destruction, I look at you amused.“We'll see how it really ends. You know what you have to do now right? Let's wait and see.”And with a divine wink, this story comes to an end.