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You guys have no fucking clue what it's like, do you?What it's like to live in a world without kindness. No, shut up, you don't know. If you did, there would be no way you could resist her. If you did, you wouldn't have even been phased, when your classmates started killing. Tragedy? You think you know tragedy? That's what they call it, this man made apocalypse, but none of you have the first fucking idea what tragedy is. She was a tragedy. I am tragedy. I have lived in tragedy my whole life, and none of you even know what the word means.Tragedy is realizing you have never been loved. Not by your parents, not by your grandparents, not by your schoolmates. Tragedy is—tragedy is all encompassing. Tragedy is the fact that the only person who ever loved me killed herself smiling, and all of you, every single one of you, did nothing but stand there and watch. You don't know tragedy. Shut up. Shut the fuck up, and get real. You never did.Tragedy is the fact that you don't know it. That no one knows it like we know it. Tragedy is that no one else will ever understand. Tragedy is Junko Enoshima, and that is a girl you seven have never known.What happened to me? You want to know what happened to me?What the fuck didn't happen?People don't help. No one helps. They see someone suffering and they just—go about their day, like they can't do anything about it. They look at you in pity, and the ones that don't laugh. Have you ever been a victim? Well and truly? It's a frame of mind. It's a weakness. They can smell it on you, that you're vulnerable, and they prey on you because they know you are the kind of person that no one will care about. They don't need to be smart to do so—they just need to be cruel. Trial and error will get you there eventually, even for the dumbest of bullies—try and try again with different targets, until you finally get one that sticks. That has no one to turn to, that no one cares about. Then, you just have to break her. Eventually, you'll get a sense for who to target, and the clever ones could sniff a girl like me out a mile away.You want to save me, Makoto Naegi? You'd be the fucking first.Junko didn't break me. Junko didn't need to break me. I was already broken. The world did that, not her. All she did was love me—before her, the only thing I knew that was close to kindess was pity. All she did was make me realize that I was angry.And why shouldn't I be?The first time I tried to kill myself, I was seven.That was me, all me. All broken me. Was it my fault? I was seven. Junko didn't influence me then, I didn't even know her name. Individually, I saw the world for what it was, and I wanted no part in it. No one saved me then, either. I just couldn't keep my head down in the bath water. It was too painful, and I couldn't force myself to stay. That's what the world did to me, Makoto Naegi. And you want to save that world?What a joke. What a goddamn joke. Get real. Get real, get real, get fucking real. There's nothing worth saving, and there's never been. If there was, why didn't anyone save me, either? It's all been rotten from the start.Why can't I hurt it? Hurt it back? No one cared when I was hurt, so why do you care now? Why is it only okay when it's happening to me? It's not fair. It's not fair not fair not fair not fair! Why did no one save me?!And now, now you're saying you want to.But Makoto Naegi, what's there left to save?What does despair mean to me, you ask, but you don't even understand your own question. Despair means everything. Despair means nothing. Despair—do you think it is something she gave me? Because it isn't. It really, really isn't.I don't... I don't believe in hope, Makoto Naegi. To answer your question honestly... Despair isn't grandiose to me. It's not an ideal, it's not a philosophy. No, instead...Despair is all that's left.

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What is despair to me?Hmm. Despair is... proof, I suppose. That I'm alive, and exist as me. Despair is truth. The only thing true. A lot of me is lies, but I know what I feel, the despair I feel, is the honest truth.You... I don't resent you. Or. Maybe I do. Some of you. You just don't know what it's like, do you? To be born with nothing. To be born no one. Even Naegi doesn't fully know, because he was born... normal, let's say. I wasn't born normal. I wasn't given the luxury to be born normal. I—was jealous, I think. And angry. I think we were all... angry. Did I have a grudge against Togami? That's—silly. People don't need to have a grudge to ruin your life. They don't need to care about you at all. They just have to be calloused. They just have to be blind. The fact that you even ask that of me, proves that you are privileged. Maybe it wasn't a grudge, no. Maybe I was just envious, have you considered that? Maybe you had something I didn't, and so I took it from you. Maybe. Maybe.Is that all this is? I don't know.I—I don't think I know a lot of things. But she made me feel like I wasn't alone. I don't think... I don't think anyone else made me feel like that.I don't hate you. I don't need to hate you to ruin your life. Or—maybe that's a lie? I wouldn't know. Sometimes it's so hard to determine what is "me," in the first place. She was better at it. She would—she would just say such simple things, that seemed obvious in retrospect, but before she said them I just—I just didn't know. What my favorite color was. What my favorite food was. What I was feeling. And suddenly I'd realize she was right, and she'd look surprised that I was surprised, would ask me, "You really didn't know, Taro-senpai?"Oh. No, that's not my name. I don't have a name. But it is—it was a nickname. She didn't want me to be unsaid, you see. There was so much in her life that was unsaid, and she didn't want me to be. She... Did you know she was the only one to ever give me a nickname? To everyone else, I was Imposter. That is, if they even realized I was an Imposter in the first place. To most people, I was simply who I pretended to be.I pretended to be a lot. I wanted to steal a life for me, but I never could. I wanted to steal an identity, but it only made me more confused on who I was. I wanted to exist.She looked at me and told me I did—at least, to her. And it was worth everything.Maybe you don't want to hear that, though. Maybe no one does. I think... only three people in my entire life have ever cared about me. And of the three, only one really saw. Not that it was—Mikan or his fault. They both had a lot going on, too, you know. Oh, well. Whatever. We're not here to talk about them, are we? Besides, I don't want to give—his game away. That is, if he has a game. Perhaps he is simply a traitor?There must be a traitor, after all. Why else would you have caught us?...Oh, don't look so worried. It's in our nature to betray. I don't blame whoever it was—as long as they haven't forsaken her, I don't mind being betrayed. It's always been like this, you see? No one has ever trusted me. I don't think—even she trusted me.Oh, what a beautiful pretender she was. But I was a pretender too. That's why we matched.They will all say they loved her, but I don't think any of them, including me, really understood her. There's something wretched about that, isn't there? Something tragic. Something... down right despair inducing. Ah, that's why I was so enthralled. Even she didn't know herself. She was the same as me. We were the same. And maybe... Maybe I was so, so mad that I was born with nothing. That we were both born with nothing. That—that I have always been nothing.Except when I was with her.She was everything. Do you understand me? She would tell me she was empty, but she wasn't. She wasn't. She was so, so full, and how could she not see it? "I'm hollow," she'd smile with a wink, reveal like a secret, but she wasn't, she wasn't, she was everything and more. "I am only ever what you want from me," she would say, but didn't she know I was the same? We weren't people, we were never people, not to anyone but each other. Oh, do you know what despair is? What true despair is? It is drowning with someone you love. It is trying desperately to save them when they pull you down. She was smiling, wasn't she, when she drowned? And we tried to save her, we tried to help her, and she tried to drown us with her. But I can't hate her. We're the same. We're the same. She gave me a name. I can't hate her, and that is despair.Do you understand? Do you understand that?No. Of course not. Only she could understand.That is the meaning of despair.And I am only me when I feel it.

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Despair? What is despair to me?....I don't think anyone has the right to ask me that. Despair is—it's personal. It's not theoretical, not for any of us, you understand? You're not asking us a philosophical question. You're asking us who we are. Th-That's very personal, see, yes, isn't it?....But I'll tell you. I like talking about myself anyhow, you know. I like talking about her.Despair is my mother's home cooked meals.The way that with just a bite, I could taste her love. It was a flavor I emulated, though in my later years I tried to skew more upscale with my presentation. I wanted... to share my food with my mom. I loved cooking because of her, and I wanted to share that simple joy. But—I didn't remember that until far too late.My mom was sick, you see? Very sick. I wanted to go to Hope's Peak and graduate with success, not just to make her proud, but to help her. I wanted to help her. I adored my mom, you understand. Adored her.Despair is my mother's home cooked meals—despair is the fact that I will never experience them again.So... maybe I went crazy, then, huh. Maybe I went crazy.How foolish, to think Hope's Peak could save us.....I don't think—you don't understand. You don't understand. I loved my mother. I loved her so much. She was my world, and just like that—just like that she died. And Junko was there. "Fill me up?" She asked me, "I'm empty." So I filled her. I filled her with home-cooked meals like my mother taught me, and she smiled at me and told me they tasted like home. That I tasted like home.What home? There's no home left without mama. But Junko smiled, and that in and of itself was everything. She was the only one who smiled at me anymore—I scared off the rest, and they didn't comfort me, not like she did, when my mother died. "Fill me up," she demanded again, less a question and more of a command, and she held me tightly by my jaws with furious eyes, "Fill me with pieces of you."That's what Junko did, you see. She ate people. She taught me how to, too. To consume her and be consumed. She taught me that was love, and it must have been, right? Mama showed her love through food too, would put pieces of her love in each dish, and that's not so different, really, now is it? So I ate her, she ate me, and she taught me how to love that feeling. She taught me all the joys of consuming someone, and she called it love.It must have been. It must have been. I continued her work, because it must have been. Because if it wasn't, then that meant she didn't love me. That meant no one in the entire world loved me anymore. ...Why did no one care about me? That's all I wanted. That's all I wanted. That's all I ever wanted.I knew how to love. I swear I did.....I killed my siblings. Did I tell you that? They didn't come to mama's funeral, and I wanted to teach them about love. Because I loved them, and they didn't love me. I wanted to teach them about love. I wanted to make them love me. To care about anything but the lust that ate at them. High school escorts, have you ever heard of such a thing? That school deserved to burn, you know. So did my siblings. But I do it out of love, you see? I do it out of love.I know how to love.She taught me how, so how couldn't I? What a lovely meal.She was such a lovely meal.....Junko leaned in, that day, as she held me in her arms, she whispered it, and I still don't know if it was something she really wanted, but I would have given her anything if I could. If only I could. Anger bright and vicious, her eyes burning, she ordered me: "Save me, Teruteru-senpai. Save me like you couldn't save your mother."Despair is the fact I couldn't.....I think she ate up my entire life. Now I'm empty, too.Won't you fill me?

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You... Where do you get off asking me such a question? Do you think if I told you, that you'd understand? Is that it? You're trying hard to understand—why we did this to you? Is that it?The killing game... oh, you think you know despair from the killing game, do you? You think you know. You think you know! Oh, oh, it's just like a boy to think that, isn't it? Thinking you know everything, while knowing nothing nothing nothing... You want to know why? You want to know why?I wanted to know why, too. Sometimes these things just happen, you know. That's what they all said. A senseless tragedy, a real shame, but it's okay, because these things just happen.I had a girlfriend. Did you know that? Her name—no one, no one remembers her name, no one except me, fuck, no one even remembers her. Maybe Tsumiki does. I don't know, I don't know. I don't think that girl cares about anything but Junko, really. Hiyoko... Hiyoko, maybe. They never got along, though. They never got along. Ibuki might, though she'd never share those feelings with me. Maybe she shares them with Hiyoko. I-I don't know. I don't really talk to them anymore, you see, not much. Fuyuhiko—now, he might think of her. He might. He really might. He doesn't have a fucking right to.Ai Sato. Ai Sato. Ai Sato.That was her name. ...You want to know what despair is to me? Fine. I'll tell you.Despair is unwashed dishes. Despair is absent mothers. Despair is dead-beat dads. Despair is Ai Sato lying fucking dead, and no one caring because she was reserve course.You think that school didn't deserve to burn? You think that school didn't deserve to burn?God, you all have no clue. You all have no clue. When your girlfriend dies on school campus and no one cares, then you can fucking talk to me about despair! Where were you when that was happening?! Happy, smiling, ignorant! But I can make sure no one is ignorant ever again. They'll know. They'll all know. That's what it means to be a journalist, right?....But she was different. Junko Enoshima was different from all of you. Everyone that looked but didn't see, with their goddamn pity and condolences as if I couldn't hear those very same people laughing at her before she died. Oh, the world is rotten. The world is so rotten. Ai-chan was the only one... The only one who protected me.Junko Enoshima was different. She didn't pity me, no, the main course student so depressed, pulled down by a lowly reserve course student... Like I couldn't hear them whispering? But Junko pitied no one. She pitied nothing.I wasn't ruined. They were the ones wrong. They were the ones wrong. Every single one of them did nothing to help us! To help Ai-chan! To help me! None of them did a damn thing, but Junko was different, wasn't she, wasn't she?I will never let them be ignorant again.Junko Enoshima is—she is a match. She started this fire, but even when the flames engulfed her, too, I will make sure it is a fire that will never go out. For her. Both Junko, and for Ai. I will burn the world down until they finally, finally see.If they didn't want a fire, they shouldn't have poured the gasoline.Ai-chan died alone. With her, so did anything even remotely resembling hope. There is no one innocent without her, not a single person, because they didn't do anything to help. They only choose to remained willfully blind. There is nothing, nothing good without her, not a single innocent left.And I'm going to prove it.That is what despair is to me.

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Despair is the fact that I'm human.That might not make much sense to you, but it's the truth. Despair is the fact that I'm human, and I am human because I despair.Junko—didn't offer salvation. Maybe she offered damnation, but I don't... I do not think that's the case either. I think... she offered truth. And maybe—that is what despair is.No one likes the truth. No one wants the truth. No one wanted me, either—not as I was. They wanted a tool.Maybe Fuyuhiko wanted me, and maybe Junko wanted me, but no one else did. They all wanted to kill me. Kill my spirit. I wanted to let them.But I did not die. And maybe that's what despair is.People used me. They molded me. They called it training, and it was—just not the kind meant to benefit me. They stole my childhood. They beat me until I could take a hit, and told me that I should be willing to die for Fuyuhiko. And I was, I was. Just not for the reasons they thought.I know nothing of duty. It's always been about love....I taught him the same, but I taught him it kinder. He was different from me. He wanted to stop hurting, and I wanted to cry. He wanted to escape, and I wanted to embrace. Such silly things, but I think that type of stuff is—human. He didn't want to be human.I didn't want to be a tool.I think it was—kindness. Yes. It was kindness when they ripped out my humanity, and it was cruelty when Junko Enoshima crammed that back in.I am a person. So I despair.I failed, you know. I couldn't protect Natsumi. I couldn't avenge her, either. Fuyuhiko did that. I didn't want him to have to, and neither did he, but he did it anyway because he was, in reality, just as trapped as me. Leader, master, person—all of those things were such a burden for him to be. To make the tough choices, the tough decisions.Kindness. Maybe I don't know what that word means. Was it kind to beat me blue until I could not stand? Was it kind to braid flowers in my hair? Was it kind to tell me that I only existed to serve him? Was it kind to watch fireworks together? Was it kind to tell me I was a tool? Was it kind to tell me I was a person?Being a tool—that isn't despair. Tools don't despair. But I do. And I am a person.How the hell could you call that kind?I don't know kindness. I have never known kindness. I don't know what the fuck that even is. And I have never been kind, either.I have never been kind.I have never been kind.After all, aren't I a "person"?Maybe there is no such thing as kindness. Maybe there never has been.I don't think I know what despair is.I think I have felt it for so long, I have stopped recognizing it.All I know is what I've been taught, after all. All I know is what people do, what they are. People are cruel. People are selfish. People are masters. And now that I am a person, how can I be anything but?I was a good tool. I swear I was.Junko Enoshima broke me.

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Despair...Don't ask me that. Don't be so fucking cruel to ask me that, to make me remember it. Remember despair. No, no, no. Don't do that to me. Don't make me remember her....No, not Junko. She isn't despair. Or at least, she isn't my despair. Junko was—ah. She was... salvation, maybe? Oh, the bitch was fucking annoying, I'll give her that, but—ah. Ah. Ah.There was just something about her, you know? You couldn't look away from her. Oh, what a troublesome girl! Fucking annoying, but she loved annoying, loved teasing and prodding, and all she was missing was the freckles, the eyes, I hated her blue eyes, ah, she smiled the exact same way Natsumi did——Stop. Don't ask me about her. I shouldn't have mentioned her. Stop talking to me like that. Stop making me remember I'm human.Don't make me remember her.....You want to know? You really want to know?I knew despair, because I knew hope. Junko set me free. Because I was human, because I let myself be human, I despaired. Because I hoped. Hope is such a cruel word. Such a cruel thing. You can't have despair without hope, that's what Junko taught me. Having such strong hope, and having it dashed? What's more 'despair-inducing' than that?Shit. Fuck. It was all going so well, too. But rising only exists to make the plummet worse. Hope and despair? I don't want either. I don't need either. I don't care at all. I don't want it.I'm not despair, not really. I'm a tool.And why shouldn't I be?Not having to think, it's—better. Not having to make those tough choices. Responsibility. God, I hate that word. Duty, too. Fuck it, fuck it all. Why would I want to feel it? The despair of my sister dying, of killing. It was my duty to kill, but it was my choice, too, and I can't—I can't get her pained cries from my head. Last time I made a choice, was the first time I killed, and I...Why would I want to feel? Why would I ever want to feel again?God, I hated being 'Young Master'. I hated it, being a Kuzuryu, no, being a person. But now there's no fucking Kuzuryu's left, and it's... It's better. Peko got revenge, which is—good. I didn't have a choice in the matter, which is even better. None of it was my fault, because it wasn't my choice, wasn't my responsibility. Peko would never break me like they broke her, you know? So it's... better.I can't handle bearing responsibility. Responsibility for myself, my own choices, for the Peko who was still a tool. Maybe that's cowardly, maybe that shits weak of me, but...Why do I have to be strong? I couldn't even cry at my own fucking sisters funeral. Natsumi...
Natsumi...
Natsumi was hope. You know that? She hoped so much, so vibrantly, so ambitiously, and I wished I could have granted each one. But hope is a lie. Hope is dead. Hope only exists to plummet you into despair, and when she died, despair was all that was left. She became despair. My despair. Junko freed me from that. A world without hope. A world without despair. That's the world I live in. You want to know what despair is to me?It's irrelevant.

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Mahiru-nee hates me. Did you know that? We fought after Sato-chan died. We fought, and she choose a dead girl over me.No one has ever chosen me. No one, not even Junko-nee....They only want a doll, you know. Something to position and play with. Something they can throw away. Mahiru-nee isn't different. She tossed me as soon as I became inconvenient, as soon as I went against her, so really, she's not that different from everyone else. Junko-nee wasn't that different, either. But at least she was fucking honest about that.I used to love kindness. Mahiru-nee's kindness. My father's kindness. But I only wanted it for me, you see? It was never enough. I wanted more, and more, and I ate that kindness up like sweets. But that kindness was a lie. That's what Junko-nee taught me; that kindness doesn't exist, not really. People are always selfish in the end. Even dad. I didn't believe her at first, you know? I loved my dad, and here this bitch was going on about how his kindness was fake? I didn't believe her. At first.Hypocrites. Every single person is a hypocrite. Junko-nee, Mahiru-nee, dad. Me. Even fucking Ibuki-chan. Dad said he'd do anything for me, you know. Anything, anything at all for his little princess.He lied....Grandmother deserved all the shit she got, but papa was begging with me to not kill her. Didn't he promise anything for me? Fucking liar. If he wanted to save her so bad, would he die for it? But of course not. No, no, no. He wanted to live.He choose grandmother over me. And then, he choose himself over her. Gun to his head and another in his hand—anyone would shoot. Even he would. Even at his own mother. Fucking heartless.Kindness doesn't exist. You can't fool me, Makoto Naegi. You are just like Junko-nee. With your sweet words, with your fake niceties, fucking pathetic. Say what you mean, you spineless coward. You only want to save us to prove a point to yourself.You only want to save us, to justify how you loved Junko-nee's sister.Fuck you. Fuck your kindness. I am not a prop in your story. I am not a doll. You think you're any better than me? Any better than Junko-nee?Don't make me fucking laugh.Despair... Despair is the fact that even you, you so applauded and allauded, are a lying self-justifying hypocrite. At best, you're naive, and at worst you're willfully fucking blind. We won't change. We can't change. Because this? This is human nature. This ugly, shit thing called despair? This is what everyone is like when it comes down to it. Even you. Even Junko-nee. You're the fucking same. So don't lie to me about 'kindness,' when we both know such things have never existed in the first place.Despair? You think I'm despair?I think the whole world is despair. I have seen it, again and again and again. This wasn't something done to us, because it was something inside us from the start. This ugly, festering thing. This "despair."It's in you, too, Makoto-nii.Despair is who we are.

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...Ibuki was a rather cheerful person, you know.No one thought she'd end up this way. Oh, sure, they thought she'd be a failure, her band mates made that clear before they kicked her out, but no one thought she'd end up here. Like this. No one thought she was despair.After all, she was always smiling. Always laughing. Always cheerful. Always looking out for others, only looking out for others.And then guess what? Ai Sato died, and her friend group exploded, and she realized that it's always the fucking same.You can joke and laugh and play the fool, but it won't make you friends. It won't make you keep your friends. But Ibuki still didn't despair! She fought to hold onto her friends! Because—it was too hopeless! It couldn't be happening, not again! She begged in her head, smile plastered to her face: don't leave me.Don't leave Ibuki-chan.And yet they did....And Junko-chan was there.She told me I didn't have to smile. I didn't have to pretend. I didn't have to shut it out, shut despair out, shut her out. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "Ibuki's as honest as they come! Her heart on her sleeve!" I prided myself on it. When everyone else in the industry was fucking fake, I was authentic. Even when I was hated for it. Even when my band hated me for it. Even when my friends. ...I was jealous of Sayaka-chan, actually, when I watched the broadcast. I never knew her, but we got compared a lot, you know? Sugary pop idol, all things fake and stereotypical, and then me. Me, going against the grain. Being myself. Being authentic. Sayaka-chan loved her bandmates. I could tell just watching her. I wonder if anyone has ever loved me like that. If I've ever loved like that....Ah, what is Ibuki saying? Of course she had someone like that! She had Junko-chan, after all!Poor, sweet, pitiful Junko-chan. Oh, she was so misunderstood, but Ibuki could see to the heart of her! She was sad. Ibuki knew this! A sad girl, and Ibuki wanted to cheer her up! And so she latched onto her, letting her in, letting her in. Letting despair in. "Please don't kill yourself, Junko-chan!" Ibuki would say without tact, but wasn't it best to be direct and honest? And Junko smiled! Right there, big on her face, like a grin! And she told her:"Oh, Ibuki-chan, do you really think someone like you is enough to save me?"But I didn't flinch! I knew her game! For all her venomous words, Junko-chan was sad. She was a sad girl. A pitiful girl! Like Hiyoko-chan. Like Mikan! She just needed love, didn't she? We just needed love. ...And yet, when she killed herself, none of you even tried to save her. Did you?...Ah, whatever. She probably couldn't be saved, you know. Hopeless girl. And she loved it. She loved it, didn't she? She loved it. She was smiling the whole time, that beautiful grin.Until she wasn't....Junko Enoshima is a liar. She lied about loving Ibuki, needing her, staying with her. And yet, when she said she couldn't be saved, that was the truth. And that is Ibuki Mioda's despair....Leave me the fuck alone.

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How could you not try to save her?No, I'm seriously asking. I'm seriously... How? She was right there, burning brighter than ever, burning out, and you just let her? You just left that lonely girl to march to her death alone? You didn't even try to give her solace in her last moments? You let her die alone?And you think you're good people? You think we'd want your mercy, when you couldn't even spare any for her?No, you don't get to say that I'm being unfair! Who cares about the killing game? Me and the others have done things just as bad, so why the hell are we getting a chance, when you let her die? Is it just because our actions weren't against you? Are you that shallow? That hypocritical? Why didn't you save her? Even if... Even if she didn't let you, you had to try. You didn't even try! You just gave up right away! Gave up on her right away! She wasn't hopeless. She was—she was my friend.How could someone who loves so much be hopeless? Sure, she had an odd way of showing it, but those feelings were pure. She loved the world. She loved the world so, so much. She loved you. All of you. And you spurn that? You reject her? How dare you? How dare you let her die without knowing she was loved?Junko was lonely. She was so lonely. She loved you, and didn't you use to love her too? And yet you let her die. You let her kill herself. Do you know how much agony she was in? Do you even care? That she self destructed. That whole killing game, why can't you see it? It was her way of isolating herself, so that no one would stop her from self destructing. And you all let her. Her plan worked, like it always does, and do you even fucking care?Her whole life has been one prologued suicide attempt, and do you even care?...I just don't get it. I just... I really, really don't get it. Junko wasn't despair. She was never despair, not really. She was a girl. A very, very sad girl, who needed help, who didn't get it. A girl who killed herself because you didn't care enough to give her that help. Is she evil? Is she really evil? How can you know? How can you tell?You didn't even know her.Because no one knew her. She didn't let them. ...I was lonely, too. It's not projection. I saw myself in her. I wanted to help, but how can one person helping be enough? I wanted to help, but how can the broken fix the broken? How can the powerless have the strength to save the weak? We couldn't save each other; we could only drag ourselves down, clinging as we were. Do you know what it's like to be alone? You'd take torment to it. That—lonely, empty, tedious boredom. You'd take torment in a second. I knew what it was like to be alone, and I never wanted someone to feel that again. That's why I became a coach, you know? Well, partially. That's why... That's why...That loneliness isn't despair. It's something deeper. A hollowness, an emptiness. You want to fill it no matter what. We both filled it with people, in a way, or at least we tried, but... that emptiness is always hungry, and it grows. It's not enough. Superficial kindness isn't enough. And... the only thing that fills it? It's despair. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel right, but it's all you have, all you can cling to, because otherwise there's just—nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing inside you. Nothing to you. Nothing to keep you company. When you are alone, despair becomes your friend....Why did you leave her alone?

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I don't get... that complicated stuff, ya know?That... shit about hope or despair. I don't get what Junko was talkin' about, what she meant by it all. She was—well, she was so smart, ya know? And I just... ain't. I ain't smart. I know it. Everyone loves to tell me it, like I ain't already knowing. But... I kinda get it, ya know? Maybe not like she got it, but—Look. Listen. Really listen, yeah? Because I am gonna be real with you here. Hope doesn't accomplish shit. Not in the world I come from. Hope your boss pays you, hope that your ma's boyfriends don't feel you up again, hope your siblings don't fuckin' starve—you can't hope for that shit, because your boss is gonna do whatever crap he wants, and you can't do anythin' about it because your life is deemed fundamentally—she liked sayin' that word, fundamentally—worthless. And your ma's boyfriends? They know that shit too. They can do anything to you, and you can't stop it because you were dealt a bad fuckin' hand, and that's just how it is. Tough shit. You're the oldest and ya gotta keep the little ones warm, feed, and hope ain't gonna help with crap.Hope doesn't get food on the table. You can't fuckin' eat hope, now can ya? It don't pay your bills, and it doesn't make your ma give a shit about ya. About anything but her jackass boyfriends who give you full body massages even when you're as young as fuckin' nine. Doesn't stop freaky pervert old men from oogaling you, and you can't do shit about it because that creepy old guy? He's the only one willing to fuckin' help. Doesn't stop you from recognizing your friends bodies pillin' up, till you realize that friends in the world you live are a waste of time. Actually - doesn't stop those so called fuckin' friends from betrayin' and sellin' ya out, too, because there is no fuckin' loyalty or honor in my world, in the slums. This—apocalyptic shit? It's not so different from my world. From the world I was livin' before. Nothing has really changed, except now we're all equal in our fuckin' misery. Except for you future foundation fucks. With your ivory fuckin' towers. But I know every tower falls one day, and I know there's fuckin' rats everywhere. Traitors everywhere. Even in your big, nice towers.We're gonna knock 'em all down.And Junko, ya know, she hated hope. Spitting at it, at people who loved it, and... she fuckin' got it, okay, she got it. She hated happy endings 'cause in the world we lived, there was no fuckin' thing. And maybe she was a sad girl, yeah, maybe she was fuckin' pitiful in a way, but she was right, she was right. And we both knew it.All I know, really know, to the depths of my fuckin' soul? Hope is fuckin' useless, and we're all gonna prove it.We already basically have.

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She approached me as if I was a dog. Something to be tamed, placated. Something to be owned.I didn't realize it until after the fact, but she was pretending. Voice soothing and kind, the same way I would talk to an animal. And it worked on me, I'm ashamed to say. The same way a farmers gentle hands would sooth a calf. She made me docile around her. Even if she would plunge the blade, I could do nothing. Like an animal too scared to react. Slaughtered, and for what? Her next meal.Perhaps I'm mixing metaphors. Was I a cow, or a dog? Either way, I was on a leash. There is something intimate about a collar—Komaeda could tell you that, I'm sure. If you pull, you could choke. If they pull. There is a trust in wearing one. I never realized how tender it would leave you. How vulnerable. Of course, you can still bite, and claw, and maim. But you won't. Because then, who would feed you?Who would dare?Ah, she was an audatious one, wasn't she? To try and tame a beast. I always thought it would backfire, and I'd be the one to eat her in the end. But I underestimated her, it would seem. I underestimated how low she would sink.To give up on your life is the worst thing imaginable. To die just like that, without a fight, when she didn't need to? Smiling - like a cow, unaware - but she wasn't unaware and that made it worse, didn't it, because she was also the farmer, the blood was on her hands, her own blood, and isn't that just the worst thing you've ever heard? Ever seen?Her smiling as she died.Junko Enoshima was a dog, but she was also a master, and she was also a killer who would kick her mutt for fun. She was the blade and the butcher and the meat all in one, and she never treated her animals right, not a single one. Because that's what we are, aren't we? Her animals. Her pets.Everyone knows about Pavlov. I don't have to explain it, do I? It's basic conditioning. Basic training. People are the same. What are people, after all, if not another type of animals? We're really not so different in the end. Even she was one of her dogs. Even she wasn't spared from her own cruelty.She was a beast, yes, wasn't she? But she was untamable, she was empty. Hungry enough to eat up anything. And she ate people, and she ate despair, and she even ate herself in the end, ate up all our lives including her own. Always ravenous. She had no mercy at all. And I loved her, that wild animal, and I did not tame her, could not tame her. Nothing could tame her. Not even herself.Maybe it was a mercy when she was put down.You want to know despair? That's your answer.That she wouldn't even spare herself.

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So, uhm, how'd you like the executions I made?Woah woah woah woah, hey, HEY, calm down there! Naegi, get your fucking dog on a leash, sheesh, so violent! What? You were gonna slap me like you slapped Togami? Ha! You think I haven't had worse? You think that would be anything to me?Fuck you. This is my interview. You said I could talk about whatever I want, and, well, I want to talk about my fucking masterpieces! I want to talk about how your friends died.She helped me design them, ya know? Oh, she was shit with anything electrical, but mechanical things, now, there she excelled. Cause and effect. None of that complicated shit. We would talk about that crap for hours, as she sipped her shitty canned coffee behind the bleachers, god, that was our world. Course, I had already graduated by the time the killing game rolled around, so, like, we didn't design those there. Instead we met up at the gates, and she would tell that Juzo guy that I was her date, and she'd take me up, up, up to the roof, giggling all the while, and you all were probably panicking, or trying to distract yourselves doing normal shit, but she was watching the riots with clear eyes with me, she was planning your deaths.Her own death, too.Her execution must be the best! She emphasized that, and I got scared, you know, like, are you planning on dying? She smiled, though, taking a swig of that awful coffee, before she dumped it over the side of the roof, prolly hitting some poor schmuck. But I didn't care, I didn't give a shit, I only had eyes for her, and she shrugged. "Gotta have contingencies, right? Maybe I'll lose."Unthinkable! Impossible! That's what I thought. The only way Miss Junko could lose is if she wanted to. Then I had the horrible thought. Did she want to?But I couldn't bring myself to ask her, because I'm a fucking coward.She noticed anyways, because she always noticed, and her eyes sparkled. "Will you miss me when I'm gone? Will you destroy yourself in your devotion, in your anger, when I'm gone? If you want to know why, that's already your answer. But I'm not planning on dying. You know I love to have plan B's, honeypie. You know I love the possibility of failure."And, well, yeah, of course I knew that. She always left flaws in our machines, because guaranteed success was never fun for her, she wanted some weakness, she wanted the possibility that they'd explode. And yeah, alright, maybe I shoulda seen it coming, but. But.This wasn't a machine, ya know? It was her life.But, also, like. She was trusting me with this. With something as intimate as her death, and she told me I was the only one she could talk to, that I had to do this for her, that she loved me, that's why she was leaving it in my hands, and if I loved her I would want her to have the best execution, the best death, and, like...I would have done anything for her.So we designed her death. Had to be spectacular. Had to be the best. To be a final, glorious fuck you to the world, to her classmates. It had to be the worst pain, worthy of her. Worthy of a goddess.Kuwata's execution... She told me about him, ya know? Hated baseball, so being killed by it? Torturous. Well, being beaten to death is always torturous, of course, but there was extra love in that execution, extra spite, just for him. Owada's? She wanted to emphasize how helpless he was. Riding on a bike but not in control, never in control again. He can try, but he will never conquer himself. Celeste's? Well, she wanted to be as mystical as a witch, as great and renounced, so she was executed like one—fire hurts, but she knew she would keep her smile the whole time. She was executed like one, until she wasn't. A car crash is such a terribly common way to go, ain't it? Throw in a compactor for Alter Ego, the AI who achieved personhood executed like a common inanimate car, and you've really gotten shit rolling. And of course, who could forget your own execution, Naegi! Heh. Hahaha. She didn't try a lot on yours. "Eh, he's a lucky boy, he only got into this school with luck alone, he doesn't actually know anything despite wanting to be a teacher. Maybe something with school lessons? I don't really give a shit."Isn't. That. Hilarious?No? I find it rather funny, actually....But anyway, honestly, she had the right idea. Who cares about you? I wanna talk about her. We went over those plans for hours, but we eventually settled for what we got. She wanted to show you all she could endure what you and your friends couldn't. That your hopeful fucking philosophy you all had going for ya? Wasn't shit compared to her. She could endure it all, and endure it better. Endure any despair, because she loved it. She was smiling the whole damn time. She also wanted the pain, you know? To truly understand the torment she put her friends through. She wanted to feel it, really feel it, everything she did to you, and drown in the guilt. The despair. Bet you didn't even appreciate that, did you? That she loved you so damn much.I thought it wasn't worthy of her. Even till the end, it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. But she loved it anyways. She loved me anyways. There's despair in things being unsatisfying too, isn't there? She loved it, and she loved me, and nothing would have ever been good enough because she was her and I was me. And she loved me anyways. That's all I ever really wanted, you know? Someone to love me.But no one but her did.....I got scared, on that roof. A little bit. A nagging thought that it was dangerous to be so high up. Not because of myself, of course, but because of her. What if she jumped? I didn't want her to jump. If she was going to die, I wanted it to be by my inventions hands. That's what she was promising. And she could tell, I knew, she threw me a wink. "Why are you so scared I'll jump?" She asked me. "Shouldn't you be more concerned I'd push you? I could. I could betray you like that.""But if it's you, then—"Then she wouldn't mean it like that. As a betrayal. It would only be an expression of love.That's what I started to speak, and she laughed. She laughed so hard she choked."You're irresistible, Kaz-chan."Oh, it wasn't what people would call an attractive laugh. She inhaled her spit and it turned into coughing by the end there, not elegant at all. She was gasping, too, her eyes tearing up, she was down right hysterical with how funny she found it. And she was perfect. She was so, so perfect. If she insulted me, that was okay, because the words would sound sweet on her lips. But she never insulted me. It was always praise. Because I just wanted praise, you know? I wanted to be told I did good, that I was useful, and she—maybe she took advantage of me, yeah, maybe, but I was fine with it, because she was everything. And if she took advantage of me, who's fault was it? She didn't make me like this, not really. Everyone did. Everyone who hurt me, everyone who didn't help, they all made me vulnerable to her. And I didn't care if she was using me, because at least that meant I was useful. I didn't care if I was her plaything, because at least that meant I was hers.I can take a hit. Really, you can hit me if you want. I expect it from people like you. People who act like they're so good, and yet never even try to save people like us. Who make us. You can hit me. It's not like it's anything new, you know? People betray and hurt and then somehow think to themselves that they're still good in the end, and it's... it's a shit thing, yeah, but that's normal. It's not like I'm not used to it.My father was the same. My so-called friends are the same. My past crushes were the same. The only person who's not fucking the same?Junko. Miss Junko.So, yeah, go on about how we're despair. How I'm despair. Hit me and threaten me and hurt me, I'm used to it.But what I cannot fucking forgive?You made Junko jump.I'm not mad at her, because this grief is her final gift to me. Her final despair. And, like, sure, whatever. I was never that crazy about despair. But if it's from her? I'd treasure anything. I'd love anything. Because I know she loves me, to the depths of her soul.But you?I think I'll always be mad at you.I don't regret a thing. I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't spare your friends, not in a second, and I would never abandon her either. Because people like me?Only people like Junko Enoshima would save me.And there is no one else in the world like her.And now she's gone, and there's no one in the world like her at all.And you fucks, who as good as pushed her off, are still alive. Still sucessful. Still proving that there's nothing fair or right in the world, nothing just for people like us, as long as you're still breathing.You want to know what my despair looks like?
Look in the fucking mirror.

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Do you know what it's like to be a symbol?Maybe you do. You're the Ultimate Hope, aren't you, Naegi-kun? It's a lot of responsibility. To be hope itself. I don't think it's very fair, is it? To not be able to despair. I was my countries hope. Their pride and joy. And I couldn't show my fear, I couldn't despair, because I was living for their sake. If I panicked, would that not make them panic, too? If I despaired, would I not send them into despair too?I was their princess. I was their goddess. I was their hope.At no point was I ever a person....Junko was the same as me. She was never allowed to exist as a person. The other Despairs, she's their goddess, you know? Packaging herself, rationing herself, turning herself into their ideal. None of us really saw her. Not the full picture, at least. She gave us what we wanted, our ideal version of her. She gave us an idea. A symbol. She gave the world a symbol, too.Junko wanted to become despair. Despair itself. And she said she was despair, didn't she? She was born to be despair, like I was born to be a princess. And maybe I didn't know her. Maybe none of us did. But—she wasn't despair to me, not at all.She was kind.When I told her I was a princess before a person, when I told her that I couldn't despair, she grasped my hands fiercely and said: "Fuck that!"Because... Junko-chan was kind....You may not believe me. I can see doubt on your face. But despair is how Junko said I love you, and she was a girl with a heart kind enough to love the world. She was angry when I said I couldn't despair, outraged on my behalf. I think that's the only time I saw her angry—properly angry. She would feign anger at times, of course, but she wasn't really an angry person. But on my behalf, she was well and truly pissed.I was denied the emotion she loved. And she hated that. She wanted to teach me it, show me it again. She was such a kind person. I know you don't believe me, that she had a twisted way of showing it, but it was true.Maybe I made her a symbol. Like Souda-kun did when he looked at me. Maybe we all made her a symbol, and maybe that suffocated her, but I'm sure never being known was just another despair to her, another delight. Maybe—Ah.You want to know what despair is to me?It's that I fell in love with a idea.

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Naegi-sama, it's an honor to meet you! Can I say that? You're even more dazzling in person, even more radiant! Ahhh, you're so cute, what a dear, what a dazzling dear!...Ahem. Yes, right. Your question! What is despair to me? But, uh, it's such a dreadful question! Are you sure you wouldn't rather I talk to you about hope? Though I suppose they do go hand in hand! And that's not to say I question you're interviewing skills, no, no, no! It makes sense why you'd ask, considering the sorry state I've become! I mean, I don't think anyone expected me to become... this. I certainly didn't! Well, I suppose Enoshima did. Ah, but—let's not talk about such a rotten girl, okay?Though I suppose I probably must, if I'm going to talk about despair!Hmm, lets see, uhmm... despair is insidious. It's... like a corrupting poison that rots you from the inside out. I suppose my views on hope and despair and talent have changed some since meeting that girl. I... don't know if it's for the better. Hope's Peak changed a lot for me. Enoshima posioned so much. But, ah, like always, there's a light at the end of the tunnel! That girl may have risen, but the despair she brought gave birth to your dazzling hope, Naegi-sama! I always knew it would happen! Hope would always overcome despair!Hope is absolute good, you see. I believe in hope to the bottom of my heart! All my actions are always, forever for hope!Ah, Togami-kun... please don't make such a doubtful face! I know you may have a hard time believing me, given my status as a Remnant, and how I helped inprison you, despite how brief that was, but, ahh, it's the truth! Komaru-chan could tell you. I gave her a speech on my goals and everything! My actions in Towa City were to serve the greater purpose of hope, so I feel no regret for my actions there!Ah? Komaru-chan, what a scary expression! I treated you well, didn't I? Oh, even if you ended up a disappointment. I don't hold it against you! Well, perhaps a little bit. I suppose I was wrong to think you could become the second Ultimate Hope! I was just hoping, perhaps, that you took after your brother... ah, it was my mistake, really.I guess I've never been good at... picking people. I picked my classmates, I picked Enoshima, and I picked you, Komaru-chan, and they were all wrong. But you, Naegi-sama... you blew me away! I never expected you. To think the person I shared such a arbitrary, cursed talent with became the Ultimate Hope who defeated even Enoshima!Anyway, anyway, I've gotten off topic! You wanted to know what despair was to me, right, right. Ah, but there's so much to say! Despair is... Despair is......Ah, I'm sorry, it's hard to find the words. Despair is—unpleasant. It is detestable. It is—rot, it's rot, it's mold and decay and decomposition, it's......Did you know her hand still hasn't rotten? I hate looking at this hand. She used to dig these nails into me, you know. Pet my hair. She called me her dog. Why did you take my collar? And my mitten. Now I have to look at this hand, and know she will always be with me, because...You know, she promised she'd never leave. She said that to me. I wanted her to leave, but I also didn't, because no company was somehow even worse than her, and I was always so alone. And she was there, she was.... no. No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about such a rotten girl in your presence. Ah, where was I? Right. Despair.Despair... I want to burn it all down to the roots. I want a hope that will wash it all away. Hope... I want the brightest, bestest hope to be born, one that will burn everything. Turn it all to ash. I feel no remorse for becoming despair. Maybe it was perfectly natural I did. That's what she said, that it, it was inevitable. She loved words like that—inevitable and hopeless and fundamentally, words that cause so much despair, and her favorite one was meaningless. That's what she said what I was doing was. Meaningless. That I was meaningless. I was useful to her, though. I was useful.Oh, she would say I was useless, sure, but we both knew she was just saying that. She loved me. Really, she did. Because my entire existence brings misfortune, brings despair, so she... loved me. I think she might be the only person who was capable of loving me.She had a way of—of seeing. Of understanding. She got what I was saying, she did! She disagreed, but she understood me, she listened. No one ever listened before. Nanami-san, she... she didn't listen. No one did, no one except her. She understood me! She didn't even have to try! Ah, she was so talented, and I loved talent, truly, I... She was poison. But all my life I've been drinking poison. So I didn't even hesitate to drink her down.I thought I couldn't sink any lower, you know. Always causing problems, despite only ever trying to help, and I... I don't think I understood how much I could hate before her. I never hated anyone before, not really. Not until her....Ah. I've gotten off topic again, haven't I? How dreadful. I talked about her again, when I did not want to.I never want to. I never even want to think about that girl. She was—insidious. Rot that decayed Hope's Peak Academy from the inside out. Decayed my friends. ...Decayed me.I truly hate what I've become. I hate myself. She made me—she made me hate myself, and I thought I hated myself before, I really did, but... She taught me it can always get worse. And I've—I've seen a lot of despair in my time, you know, a lot of misfortune, but no act of unluckiness could ever amount to meeting her. No, more than that! That she was ever born in the first place, now that, that's despair. If I could, I'd go back in time, back years and years and years, back to when she was a baby, small and helpless. And then, and then! Then I'd grab her from whatever crib she laid, and I'd shake. I'd shake her, over and over and over again, I'd throw her onto the floor as if she was a vase I could shatter, and if that still wasn't enough I'd lift my foot up and stomp on her fragile baby head! That's what I'd do. That's what I'd do. It would only be right. She stomped on me, on my head, over and over and over again, until my ears were ringing, I even got a concussion once! So why can't I do it to her?She stomped on so many people. Trampled and ruined their lives. She—she loved to make people bow. She would make me bow. Kick my legs out from under me and press my head into the floor, make me kowtow. When, when I didn't call her "sama", you know what she would do? She would slap me, she would pull my hair, she would dig her nails in until I bleed, she would force fingers down my throat until I vomited, she...She did so much to me. Why do I love her for it?...Ignore me. I'm saying nonsense again. I absolutely hate Enoshima, after all....I had to train myself out of the habit, you know. Of calling her "sama." But, uh. Calling the girl who ended the world "sama," would have... probably given me away as a Remnant. So I—couldn't do it anymore. You know, it was... difficult, at first, to break the habit. I ran into trouble when I accidentally slipped, aha, didn't I! And for a while, I would flinch everytime I didn't add it, bracing for a blow, but... well, eventually, after nothing bad happened, I started to believe I wouldn't be punished. That she was really, truly gone....Naegi-sama, I wish I could thank you. For killing her. Or, well, defeating her, I suppose, but either way, it was your actions that led to her dying. So I... want to thank you, I do, really, but...But I can't get the words out, because apart of me...I wanted to kill her. I wanted to be the one to kill her. To see the light go out in her eyes, snuff out her despair myself, and I—I even tried, I swear I did! But she always had Ikusaba with her, and I... I couldn't. Not even with my good luck! I tried, I swear I tried, I wanted her gone more than anyone, but—but—!And then she killed Ikusaba, and I thought maybe I had a chance! Once she left the killing game, that's when I'd strike. That's what I thought. Once... once she left the killing game...I want to thank you. Really, I do. I swear I do. But I can't get the words out. I can't say them without it feeling like a lie. You killed the only girl that loved me. The only person in the entire world I meant something to.She made use of me. And that might sound terrible to you, that might sound terrible, but all I wanted was to be used. She's the only one who ever did, who saw worth in me.Do you know what it's like to have no one in the world who loves you? Do you know what it's like, when someone finally does? You would do anything for it. Even if it hurts. Even if it hurts so, so much. Because it's better than nothing.Enoshima-sama loved me most. I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it. Why else would she torment me so? Why else would she...She...
I...
Sorry. Sorry, sorry. I'm getting off topic.Right. Despair. Well, it's perfectly obvious to me, what despair truly is!Despair is a stepping stone. Or perhaps... the pressure that turns the coal into diamonds? It is the grit you use to tumble rocks, until they're broken down and shiny. Despair will always give way to hope. And hope is absolute good! Hope is what makes all the torment before worth it! Hope is what burns your agony away, hope is—Hope is survival. It's... when you despair, you hope. You cling to hope. You rise above—if you're worthy, that is, which I really have never been—and become it. Embody it. It's meaning! It's purpose! It's—what makes it all worth it. If there's no hope, what's the point? In anything at all? How would you get through those dark, lonely days, what purpose would your suffering have? How would you endure? Hope is—it's worth it. It must be worth it. To achieve hope, to contribute to hope, to become hope, that means your life has meaning. Has impact. Has purpose. That all the pain you experienced served something greater, something better. Because it can't not be worth it. Everything I've endured, it...Ahem. Point is, hope is absolute good, and despair always gives way to that good. Refines it, even. That's what I believe.It... If I have to elaborate simply, hope... It justifies despair. It rationalizes despair. I love hope. Because hope has meaning.Ah, forgive me for rambling. I... My mind gets away from me sometimes. Betrays me. Um. Anyway!I know I've become despair, but that's okay! Because even I will bow to hope eventually. Even the despair I bring will be overcomed! And in that sense, did I not contribute to hope? Did I not become "meaningful"?...Perhaps that was arrogant to say. Apologies. Still, I believe strongly in hope. Everything I do is to serve it. Even if you find it hard to believe, that is the truth....I suppose despair is the fact that only she understood that.

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So many people loved her, and it still wasn't enough....You know me. Do we... really have to go through this interview process? I think... I think I've proved myself by turning us in, haven't I? I... I don't think you need to treat me like a criminal....Excuse me? No, no, say that again, Togami-kun, don't stop him, Makoto. I betrayed my friends for you and you still question my loyalty? I never... I never wanted this, you know! I never......Fuck you. Of course I didn't want this. Why did I join? Are you really so naive? If I didn't join, do you know what would have happened? Enoshima would have killed me! She is—she isn't forgiving. But. But! Once she died, I... I did what I could. I turned my friends over to you and you still question my loyalty?! Is it... is it such a crime that I didn't want to die? That I didn't want her to murder me? She had Hinata-kun on her side! I couldn't... I couldn't...Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you! You have no idea what it's like being me, so you don't get to judge me! I came to you to save my friends. I came to you to... to stop them from hurting the world, to save people! Is that not proof enough of my good intentions? Fuck. You!....Don't apologize for him, Makoto. I want to hear it from him, not you. You didn't do anything wrong, it was him who accused me.Go on, Togami-kun. Say sorry....I don't deserve it? You think I don't deserve it? Someone owes me a goddamn apology! You have no clue what my life has been, do you? What me and Hinata-kun went through! You think Hope's Peak didn't deserve to burn?! What of the Reserve Course?! You think their pleas of justice should have been ignored?! ...I had nothing to do with that. I—of course I didn't approve of that! I don't even know how she did it, how she convinced so many people to jump. I... She... She promised us justice. I didn't expect her to dispose of them the second they fulfilled their purpose! I would have... I would have helped, if I knew, stopped her, stopped them, I...All I wanted was to help.You all... you have no clue what Hope's Peak has done. To Hinata-kun. To the Reserve Course. To—to me. I...Maybe everything is my fault, I guess. Maybe...Maybe I couldn't save anyone. But. But. But. Do you think you're innocent? Because—you're not. You didn't see her threat until too late, too. You ignored the Reserve Courses plight to go on with your happy school life, forgetting that some of us didn't have the luxury to. You... you gave up on the world! You sealed yourself away, every one of you killing game contestants, to leave the world to fend for itself! Did you think you were so important? Talented people the world couldn't do without? The arrogance astounds me! Locking yourself away because you're "humanities hope," buying everything the headmaster said, leaving the rest of us to rot! Do you think you're innocent?! Really and truly, now?!You're all cowards. At least I tried. At least I tried....Fine. Don't apologize. It's not like I'm not used to it, you know. The headmaster didn't apologize, either. Even to the end, he clung to his ideals of talent and hope. Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't hate hope—but you would have to be blind to not see how people use it as justification for atrocities. You've talked to Nagito, right? People like him are everywhere. He's not really that unique, not really. The headmaster was like him, too—or perhaps it's better to say that people like the headmaster made him? And hell, at least Nagito is capable of change. For better or worse. The headmaster was stubborn to the end.Some people will never apologize, in the end.......Sorry, Kirigiri-chan. I think bringing him up was... inconsiderate of me. I was mad at Togami-kun, not you, so I... shouldn't have brought your father into it. But if you knew what I knew, you'd think he deserved to die, too....That's a low blow, Makoto. That's—my friends are obviously different! My friends are societies victims, and Jin Kirigiri was society! Of course it's obviously different, he made us! Each of us, he failed! Someone should pay. Someone should obviously, obviously pay, I... you can't just ignore injustice and hope it goes away! Didn't Hinata-kun deserve justice?Didn't I?....It's different. Shut up, it's—it's different. My friends... they need help. They just need a guiding hand, you know? They just need to see there's hope. Hope for them. Hope for all of us. Okay? Okay. It's obviously, obviously different. ...Right. Right. I know. I do appreciate that, you know. I appreciate... I appreciate that you've given me a chance, Makoto-kun. I... I know what we did was wrong. Of... Of course I know that. It's just... wasn't the world wrong too? For what it did to us. All my friends......Ah, maybe I'm... wrong about that. About the world... deserving what it got. I... Maybe you're right. I know, I know we were wrong, I do! Maybe not about Hope's Peak, but... I don't know. I guess it's... it's just hard to tell, you know? When I genuinely believe something, or when it's something she made me believe. ...We weren't that different, actually. Me and Enoshima. Me and... and Junko. We... we weren't that different. Everyone wanted something from us. Everyone saw us as—well, I guess the term is Mary Sue. That's what she called me when we first met, a sweet hopeful Mary Sue that she wanted to break. But... wasn't she that, too? Wasn't she... wasn't she their God? Neither of us, neither of us were allowed to be... be girls. Be people. I was the classes hope. She was our despair. And at, at no point were we anything but our roles. I suppose... if I have to say how we differ, I think...We are different because unlike her, I failed.I couldn't live up to my role. I couldn't save anyone from her. From anything. I couldn't save myself. And she got me too, you know? She got me sympathizing with her, raging at the world, at how it abandoned us, and...I choked her, once. You know? I could have killed her. Nagito would have wanted me to. My hope triumphing over her despair. But then... then that's all I would ever be, isn't it? Hope. Not a girl, not a person, but an ideal. And I didn't want that.....So many people loved her. I loved her. But none of it was ever enough.And the worst part is? I understand. I get it. Of course I get it. I was the same. I had always been the same.People were never enough, because they never saw me....Only she saw me....She was smiling the whole time, you know. Like she didn't care if I killed her. Like either way, she would win. Hands around her throat for what she did to them, what she did to me, what she did to us. And I... I couldn't stand that smile. I couldn't—Fuck, maybe it's all my fault. Maybe it's all my fault, because...Because I let go....Yeah. Yeah. I think that's despair to me.The fact that I let go....You want my advice? I know you're conflicted on if you want to erase their memories. But it's the only thing you can think of, right? You want to help, but you're questioning if erasing their memories will do more harm than good.Keep my memories. I already know what I did was wrong, that we were wrong. I already want to help. I'll be your informant. If something goes wrong in the simulation, well... I'll try my best to fix it. I know my friends. If they remember, or if they're falling back into despair, I'll know. I'll tell you. But...Erase it all. Erase all their memories of Junko. Erase all their memories of that cursed school. Because that school? It wasn't hope for us. None of us, not a single one. Not even Nagito, not anymore. Erase it all, every single piece, and start from scratch. They deserve to be free. I'll remember for all of us. I'll tell them the good and leave the bad. Only I should need to bare the pain of that school.....Erase me. Erase me from their memories. Because...They shouldn't have to remember a failure.

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............This is boring.You say I can talk about whatever I want, but I do not care to talk about anything. Your bland attempts to get me to speak about her are boring beyond compare......Still, you will not stop badgering me, will you? Then, I will talk. But it will be about what I want to talk about. Not any of the boring topics you expect me to.I do not like being controlled. Your expectations are stifling, and worst of all, boring.....The only thing that was not boring......I suppose would be Nanami.You thought I would say Enoshima, did you not? Hmm. What a boring expectation. But that girl was—predictable, yes. I originally followed her because she was annoying, but... Well, once I found Nanami, Enoshima was as dull as a rock.Perhaps that is unfair of me. No, instead—perhaps it's better to say... Enoshima was a circumstance. I was not interested in her, not really. Only what she evoked in Nanami.What would Nanami do in this situation? How far would her anger take her? What face would she make if I did this, said this? For once, something interested me. Oh, she was not particularly unique, or anything. In fact, in many ways, she was a rather foolish person. But she was singularly unique in one way only—she made me despair.She also made me hope.Hm. Peculiar emotions, hope and despair. They feed into each other. And objectively, neither are solely good or bad, but neutral forces. Hope is not always good. It can be used to justify horrible things. And, from a psychological perspective, despair serves a similar function to anxiety, or fear. It's a warning signal that something is wrong. Not evil at all.Of course, both hope and despair can be twisted into something awful. That is, indeed, what Enoshima did. Enoshima... I did not care for her, in all honesty. But...Ah. Hmm. She was—in some ways, rather similar to me. She, too, was bored with the world. Empty. Hollow. Just waiting to be filled. And she—she filled herself with despair. With, paradoxically, hope. And she came along, and she saw me, empty and hollow, and she tried to fill me. It was a kindness, perhaps, in her mind. She tried to fill me.She was... the first splotch of color in my world. A deep, bloody red, that her lips, painted with the colors, left stains on mine. Kissing is... rather boring. At least how she did it. She would—position me like a doll. Perhaps I was one to her, because perhaps the whole world in reality was a dollhouse. Maybe even she was a doll. Pull my hair, bite my lips, and I'd do nothing. What was the point in it? There was no spark. It all just seemed so meaningless. I thought to myself, I must not be human. I must not be human, not any longer. They stole that from me.Is that feeling despair? I find it hard to identify, truly. It just left me feeling more hollow. And perhaps, deep in my soul, angry, too.Until...Until Nanami....I admit, it is not a healthy fixation. That I have on Nanami. I know that. She is a girl I would let die if it just made me feel something. Objectively, no one could call that desire healthy. I know this. But I do not care.When there is nothing. When there is only emptiness, and hollow anger, and loneliness... you need something to fill you.That is what Enoshima taught me. That is what life did....I am... angry. At how Enoshima used me. That girl was annoying, and confusing, and would scratch at me like a bug. I am sick of being used. I am sick of no one understanding. Only Nanami doesn't use me, and only Enoshima understood, and I do not know if anyone has ever truly accepted me, not once, not in my whole life. I want to use Enoshima back.Deep down, I wanted to hurt the world. This boring world that does nothing for me. Is nothing to me. Can't be anything to me, no matter how much I try to care about it. I thought seeing it on fire would make me feel something, perhaps, but all I feel is apathy. They mean nothing to me. They are—bugs. What does it matter if I squash them?I do not take pleasure in doing so, not like Enoshima, but I do not care. Perhaps that is worse.....I think apathy is what made me. Apathy of others. People who did not care until I could do something for them. But I would take apathy, I suppose, over how all of those teachers used me. I did not want to be used. I could not have wanted that, could I? And Enoshima used me too. She told me everyone would use me, and I thought she was right. So what did I really have to lose?...I suppose I came the closest to understanding Enoshima. That was why she liked me. We were the same—in a way she and the others were not. I never told her she was not empty. Why would I? I knew exactly what she was talking about. What it felt like to be hollow. ...What delighted her most, however, was the fact that even I could not completely understand her. Or, no. That is not strictly accurate. What gave her despair is the fact that I did understand her, but I wondered if she was wrong. I understood her, but I did not love her. I did not care for her. I thought she was boring. And I did not believe in her, not once. ...She tricked me anyway.I do not despair, not really. I feel the echoes of someone else's emotions, but deep down, I am still hollow. I do not despair. Perhaps I do not hope, not any longer.Makoto Naegi, I was her despair.

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Huh? Ah... J-Just so you know, none of us Warriors of Hope are with Monaka anymore! You're looking for her, right? W-Well, it has nothing to do with me!No, I don't really know where she'd be, either. Me and the others were kinda just hiding, you know? The adults, ah... they weren't very happy with us. And the Monokuma's, they... no longer really obeyed our comands. E-Eh? Shelter? You'd offer us shelter? ...Why? All we did was hurt you.Nagisa... did mention you sympathized with us. And, ah, when I was hunting you... I suppose it, ah, it was true you were... nice? But Jataro insists you hated him, so I'm not sure......Jataro's kinda weird though, isn't he? Likes being hated. Kinda like how Junko-onee loved despair. Perhaps it was just... wishful thinking? Is that the term? Ah, so it is the term! Ehehehe, I'm so smart! As expected of the leader! —But, maybe he just wanted you to hate him, ya know?....You saved Kotoko, too. Multiple times. So... I don't think you're really a demon. Not... really. Monaka-chan was kinda like a demon, wasn't she? Maybe... Maybe we were wrong about adults being demons and kids being pure. Maybe there's bad kids too... and if there's bad kids, maybe there's good adults... but...How can we really believe in that when none of those so called good adults saved us?...Junko-onee saved us.But maybe that was just to use us. I don't... I don't know anymore. She said my smile was beautiful, did you know? My shitty, wavering, fearful smile that my dad would look at in disgust, and she called it beautiful. She—She called me her little hero, you know that? Her little brother, her little hero, and I wanted to rescue her, I did! But I couldn't, I couldn't, she didn't want me to, not really... and that's—that's despair, I think.We knew despair intimately, and maybe that's why she loved us. Our own parents didn't want us, didn't love us, so how could we not know despair? Before she came along, we were drowning in it, and no one, not a single person helped. We only had each other, and that wasn't enough. We were kids! We were just kids! Did they really have to beat us, ignore us, hurt us like they did? They taught us—our parents, and every single adult who didn't help us—they taught us despair. Not her.But when I was with her, I didn't even know what despair meant. Because it couldn't touch me. It couldn't touch any of us, except, except maybe Monaka-chan. Despair was... distant. For the first time in my life, I knew hope. She gave me hope. And—and your brother took that hope away. I... I don't want to help him. Because, while I think you're alright, probably, Komaru-chan... because while you tried to save us, tried to give us hope again... Makoto Naegi isn't hope to us, not really.He's what took that hope away.....The fact that he's alive, Komaru Naegi? That is our despair.....I can't help you....I can't help anyone.

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...Eh? What's this?Neechan, your eyes are no longer filled with hatred.That's no good! That's no good at allll! If you don't hate me, then that means you don't care about me at all... It's all Monaka-chan's fault, isn't it, isn't it?! Because you hate her more, you've forgotten your hate of me! But, but, but, buuuuut, that just means I'll have to remind you! I'll have to remind you how awful, how repulsive, how despicable I am!Don't you remember my diorama? Don't you remember the demons I've killed? Don't you hate me, don't you despise me, don't you want me deaaad? I don't regret it! I don't regret any of it at allll!...Huh? Why do I want you to hate meee? Isn't it obvious? Hate or love, it doesn't matter. All it means is that you care! If you hate me, isn't that still a form of care? Isn't that still a form of love? Because you care, you care, you care! When you hate someone, you caaaare about them so much, it feels like your chest is gonna buuurst! Isn't that right, Neechan? You know what I mean, right? Right? I know, it's so painful, but that feeling is looove in its own right, you know, you know!Love? Hmm. Why don't I want loooove, in it's pure form, instead of haaaate? You're joking, aren't you, Neechan?Of course I want love, you know! But only Junko-neechan could love such a disgusting, ugly, repulsive boy! Onnnnly her. My big sister... Only she loved me. Sh-She loved me, didn't she? You nasty Future Foundation members try to convince me otherwise, but I knoooow! I know. She is the only one to ever love someone like me! So, so, it's definitely, deeeefinitely not a lie!Aren't you the repulsive ones, the filthy ones, the ugly ones? Stealing our big sister from us! Stealing our hope!! And you expect me to help you? People like you? Your brother can rot, for all I care! That disgusting, revolting, sickening man stoooole Neechan from us! He should die, die, die, diiie! That's what I think. That's what I think.You won't find help from us, Komaruuuu-chan. Because... Just like they hate us, we hate them, too.That is the reality of the situation. I don't care about despairrr, Neechan. I only taught it to others, taught them hate and love, because it is what I went through. Junko-neechan wasn't despair to me, but our sparkling hooope. Hope that you all killed. So, I will never forgive you all, not for a second. That is my form of love, too....As for Monaka-chaaan, well... If you find her, I would looove to know. After allllll~ I have some thoughts for her.You know~ for tricking us about Paradise.I think she would make a splendid diorama.

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First off, I don't know where Monaka-chan is. I would tell you if I knew. I want that bitch to pay just as much as you, Komaru-chan.After all, that bitch lied to me. Lied to us all, forced a kiss on Nagisa, and tried to get hundreds of kids killed. She almost killed me and the other Warriors, too. I wouldn't protect her. I hope you know that. After everything she did, I want that bitch to rot. I thought she would die after that rubble fell on her. For that matter, are you even sure she's alive? How did she get saved, if she is?...You don't know, huh? Yeah, I expected that much... but I supposed it was too much to hope for her to die, wasn't it? She's like a cockroach. An adorbs one, sure, but that's to be expected. She's always used her "adorbs"ness to her advantage, didn't she?Cute, harmless, pitiful Monaka. I didn't buy it. Not for a second. She was cute, yeah, but harmless? No, I could tell — there was more to her than that. That's why I liked her. I thought she was like me, you know. Always putting on an act. Hiding hate, hiding fear... I thought we were the same. I loved her. She knew it, too, didn't she? That we loved her. She took advantage of it. Or... Maybe she thought we only pitied her. That we only loved her mask, her wheelchair. But it wasn't true. It wasn't true. She didn't need to lie to me. I would have accepted her, if I knew. She wanted Junko-nee back. I wanted her back, too. But the truth is, she felt she was better than us. That her love for Junko-nee was more pure. Egotistical, arrogant brat. I loved her. I loved her.She never kissed me. She never even touched me. She was never—gentle. And that's why — that's why I loved her. Because deep down, she was an awful, violent girl, a liar just like me, and she would hit me, you know, she would hit me, and all I could feel was relief. She never kissed me. She never kissed me. I loved her for it. She didn't love me. She never loved anyone but Junko-nee. Not even herself, really.Despair... I knew despair intimately. Ha, get it? Intimately. Despair was kindness, gentleness, love. My mother's crying, her tears. Despair was how no one saved me. Despair was—Monaka Towa's smile.Junko-nee... She was never despair. Not really. She was a lie, maybe, but more than that, more than that, she was liquid, bottled hope. She was made of hatred and sharp, broken pieces, and what did it matter if I got cut, if I bled? No one would ever be gentle again. She promised it, that if they ever tried, we would tear them apart, we would make them regret it. She was disgusted with them all. All of them, every single one. "You know despair, don't you?" She asked. "Why is it only you who is suffering? How is that fair? How is that just? Don't you want to spread it?"I'm not scared of the adults. I'm mad.I hate them, I hate them all. The cute ones, the ugly ones, each and every one. The gentle ones. They ruined kindness for me. That's what despair was — that even kindness, even gentleness, was a cruelty to me. My mother loved me, yes, she did. I never wanted her love. Her love only burdened me. And every day, she would cry, wanting better for me than what she had. I hated when she cried. It made me feel small.I hated when Monaka cried, too. I would have done anything to stop it. Stop her tears. I still felt small. Junko-nee never, ever, ever cried.I loved her for that, too. Despair...Despair is feeling small.

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....It's good to see you again. Sorry about last time we saw each other. ...Right. No, that question makes sense — you want to know why I ended up like that, when I tried to help you before? Well... What other answer is there? Monaka.She... Ah. We had a talk after I tried to free you. Looking back, she must have wanted that outcome... she was manipulating my actions from the start. Manipulating all of us, all of the Warriors of Hope... I was never hers, though. She could try to take me by force, try to mold me, but...I wasn't hers. Not like I was Junko-neesama's. That's... that's the difference between Monaka and Junko-neesama, see... Monaka-chan didn't want to love us. I don't... I'm not sure if she did despite herself or not — the fact that we survived could point to her not being able to bring herself to kill us... —But... I don't think it matters either way. Whether she loved us or not, she didn't want to. Because she couldn't believe in us. Why do you think she was able to treat us in such a way? Isn't it because she couldn't bring herself to trust us? To trust in anyone but Neesama? Isn't it because she had no faith in us in the first place?That's... that's how Junko-neesama and Monaka are different. Monaka... couldn't open her heart to us. Not ever, not once. She only lied about doing so, but never once in truth... She couldn't even bring herself to kill us properly. If it was Junko-neesama, she would have delighted in doing so, wouldn't she? Because... She loved us, and she loved loving us. And Monaka hated that she cared.She cared about her family. She cared about her brother and father and the mother that abandoned her. She cared about how they hurt her, and she hated that, every moment. She was lying. Komaru Naegi, I know it. I know that when she told you she didn't want to die, that was a lie. That day on the roof... Her eyes were truly hopeless. She held my hand. Only when she saw Junko-neesama did they gain light....I still remember... How empty they looked. Her eyes. She couldn't have faked that, not really. Her hand in mine. Her hand in mine. About to jump, and let it all slip away, and I think in that moment I fell in love. Is that strange? That I fell in love then. That one, simple, single moment where she squeezed my hand. Where she let me in. Just a taste, and that's all it took.When she kissed me, it was different. It wasn't an admittance. It wasn't a surrender. It was just... more lies. More manipulation. I want to say she used me, but I don't know if I was even worth that in her eyes. Hollow eyes. Fathomless and dark, deep and dangerous, flat and blank even when she smiled... And she smiled when she kissed me, and it was a lie. She didn't smile when she held my hand. Oh, I hate her smile. It's always a lie.She never trusted me. Never expected anything from me. I was a fool.Despair... Is Monaka's smile. Her eyes. Her lips, on mine. It all tasted like nothing. Disgusting, flavorless, textureless mush. No matter how much she tried to mimic passion, there was just... none of it. 
...I...
I wanted to save her. She wanted to be saved. And yet, I couldn't. I was never hers, and she was never mine, but I fell in love with her empty eyes and her honest frown. The way she held my hand. The way she squeezed my hand. The way she almost killed herself, that day, hand in hand with me. Maybe... Maybe that makes me messed up, too. Maybe I felt like if I could save her, I could save myself, too. Monaka-chan... I have no clue where she is, Komaru Naegi. This whole... Future Foundation thing, I and the other Warriors of Hope have nothing to do with it. We were just trying to survive, that's it, I swear. But...If you do find Monaka. If you do find Monaka...Please, save her.....Save us.

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Neechan, you've found Monaka-chan, and captured her. Now what? What do you want?...Huh? You want to know if Monaka is... Is behind the Future Foundation Killing Game? Pfffttt—ahahahaha! They're killing each other? Future Foundation is killing each other? Monaka-chan had no clue! Serves them right, though. Especially your brother... Though I suppose you and Fukawa are feeling reaaaal grateful she's not an official member, huh? Otherwise, you would have been dragged into this, too!...But, ah... Nope! I'm sorry, you're totally wrong! Monaka-chan isn't apart of that at all! Actually...Monaka-chan got bored of all that despair stuff. Eugh, so cringy... Just thinking about how seriously Monaka took such things back then makes her want to die from embarrassment!All things considered, Nagito-niisan made me quit all that crap a while ago. I guess you could say I've... grown up? All that talk of hope and despair... ugh. If I have to hear those words even one more time, I might just go insane. Seriously, that was all he would ever talk about! So lame. He annoyed me near to death, Nagito-nii... ...Besides. I... I'm not Junko-oneechan. I... can't be. I can't live up to her. You're... not your brother, and I'm... not her. I didn't even... really want to be. I just wanted her back. Me becoming her Successor was never my dream. It was Nagito-niisan's from the start. And...If even Junko-onee failed, I would have too. I could... I could never be like her, as good at despair as her. If even she failed, what hope did I have? Haaaah. Hope. Nagito-nii always said hope would win. And maybe he was right. What was the point of becoming despair if I was only going to lose in the end? It's all... pointless. And that's... that's why I can't be like Junko-onee. I hate failure. I hate when things don't have a meaning.She would delight in the meaningless, in losing, in defeat. I just... I just can't. So... all things considered, Monaka-chan is just a failure. A worthless sort of person who can't do anything. I'm sorry, Junko-onee...Hope and despair... I just don't care anymore. You all can do whatever you want. It has nothing to do with Monaka. All she'll do is waste away playing games, escaping from such a tedious, boring world. Maybe one day she'll die. That would be a relief. Or maybe she'll find Nagito-nii again and rub in his failure to turn her into the Successor. Maybe... Maybe she'll talk about Junko-onee with him, maybe she'll... she'll find a way to move on and be happy. But she doubts it.The whole thing... isn't Monaka-chan's problem.....Just let Monaka-chan die in peace.

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You defeated Junko Enoshima. If you think I'm going to let you die here... To kill yourself here... To give into despair here...You're dead fucking wrong, you little punk!...Good. You've seemed to have snapped out of it, now. So tell me...What the hell do you think you were doing, huh, Naegi?! Huh?! Giving up now of all times, are you out of your mind?! ...So Kirigiri's dead...? So the fuck what? You think she would want you to give up, huh? You think she would want you to die?....That's right. That's right. Remember those words of hers... those were her true feelings. Heh, what a lucky guy you are. Having someone who loved you so much... She died so you could live, so don't you go spitting on her choices by choosing the cowards way out!....I see... So that's the truth behind the Killings in this game... a video that sends you into such despair, you kill yourself. And that's what happened to you, huh? You're lucky I was here... seriously....Yeah. I cut off my hand. So what? Do you not see this gapping wound Munakata gave me in my stomach? I'm a goner anyway. I figured I might as well try to catch whoever was killing us... well, the whole thing is mute, with the suicide videos. It does fit, you know... No matter how charismatic Enoshima was, getting the entire Reserve Course to kill themselves for her seemed... far fetched. She probably called it something stupid, like "the despair video". She was all about despair, huh... That much is obvious....I sound fond of her? Are you kidding me? I hate that chick more than anyone. If you ever say that shit to me again, I'll fucking kill you....As for the monitors...Do you seriously not fathom how many of them there are? Are you an idiot? Do it on your own, you bastard. I'm not working with you....You know... I hated you. I thought that I'd never forgive you... that I'd kill you myself. Ever since you came out of that cursed school alive. So when Munakata told you to die... to be honest, I was happy.Because... You defeated Junko Enoshima.....I guess I sound like one of her followers when I say that. But... it was more than that. I... I never told anyone, but... I knew her. I knew her like you knew her. I caught her... I caught her crying, one day. I caught her crying, bawling her eyes out, because... Well, according to her, she had a fight with her girlfriend. She felt disgusting, loving another girl like that, she felt so sad and angry inside that no one would accept her. And to top it all off, now they had a fight. Why won't they accept me? Why won't anyone accept me? She asked me that with tears in her eyes. And I... fuck, I fell for it. I felt bad for her. I comforted her. After that, she just... kept coming back. Talking about her girlfriend, how scared she was she'd break her, how delicate and fragile she was... How horrible she felt for loving her. Every so often, she'd sit with me at lunch, just venting her heart out...She manipulated me.I told her things I never told anyone. I thought we were the same. I admitted to things I thought I would never say... And at the end of the day, she recorded it all and blackmailed me with them. My secrets for my silence. I didn't want to believe it was her. I wanted it to be anyone else, because I cared for her... but she shattered that hope. She threw that care away.What was I supposed to do? Let all my feelings I told her, all my secrets, all my shame, be played across the airwaves? For Munakata to hear?I couldn't. I couldn't. I knew she was evil, but I didn't tell Munakata. And... this is the result.He's killing me.I couldn't stop the attacker... If I could, I hoped... I hoped that Munakata could have forgiven me. Even if I die, I didn't want to die with him hating me. I never wanted that. But you say... you say that there was never an attacker in the first place. So then... what was I trying to do this whole time?I couldn't kill you. None of you. I just— maybe I'm weak, but I just couldn't let you die. I felt so angry that you would even attempt to... that you get to run away when I can't.In the end, even Munataka threw me away.....Maybe that was always the true meaning of despair to me.That even from the start——I knew one day, we'd betray each other.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hello, hello? Is this thing on? Ah, yes, I see the light blinking!Hey, everyone! If you're seeing this video, then... I'm probably dead. Sorry, sorry! Well, I suppose I should explain myself, shouldn't I?You've probably guess it already, but... I was the mastermind! Sorry, Ryota-kun... I know this must be a shock to you, that your mentor was the mastermind, but...Ah, I suppose I should start from the beginning. I met Junko Enoshima... when my students did. She... Ah, I never expected her to be the kind of person she was. I mean... who would? A high school student, and she did this?Well, anyway... As a friend of my students, I wanted to get to know her. Of course, I did. I mean... Wouldn't you? I wanted to see if she was right for them... My students were troubled, and I knew that. Saionji with her sharp words, Tsumiki with her soft heart, Komaeda with his self worth issues... Imposter, who seemed so shy when impersonating you... The deaths of Sato and Natsumi hung heavy over everything, too... That's why... I was worried for them, from the bottom of my heart... Ahhh, what a pathetic fool I was. Wasn't that feeling... exactly what Junko-chan wanted?It was her "in." Her "opening." I wanted to get to know her, and she knew that. She used that to her advantage... She told me things she said she never told anyone. Her sister abandoning her, her problems with her homelife, everything, everything, everything, until I could only feel despair for her. I wanted to help, yes, I wanted to help, didn't I? I trusted that girl... that Enoshima... that Junko-chan. What an awful thing trust is.Yes, I trusted her, and she betrayed me. I always get betrayed, don't I? I trusted my students, too. Nanami, and Komaeda, and Tsumiki... everyone, everyone, my precious students, I loved them. I loved them. And yet—!Do you know what it's like... to be betrayed?None of them, none of them, none of them would listen to reason. What should I do? What was I to do? If I turned them in, my precious students would be... Junko-chan would be...—But I couldn't give up! I couldn't break! I couldn't, couldn't, couldn't, couldn't—!Did you know I'm adopted?Yes, I went from foster home to foster home before. Foster home to abusive foster home... My name wasn't originally Yukizome. My birth parents... they abandoned me, see? They weren't ready to raise a child. They betrayed me. My own parents...The foster homes weren't much better. No one likes an orphan who doesn't smile, see? So I always, always, always smiled. Even if things seemed tough, I just got to try my best!My foster siblings... they didn't hate me at first, I don't think. When... When did their hostility begin? I don't know. I don't understand. Maybe they were pretending to be friendly from the start. I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned after them all... They would leave tacts in my shoes, spiders in my belongings... Oh, how I hate spiders! I told Junko that. I told her all of this. I wasn't sure what I was thinking, ah... sharing such details with a student. But it was true! It was truly true! I wanted to do good for the world, to make sure no one else experienced the despair I did!So that no one experienced... despair...I loved my last foster parents. Really, I did! They adopted me, they loved me, they gave me this name... everything was thanks to them! I succeeded thanks to them! To help them out, to help them after they saved me from such despair, I... Obviously I did my best! My best, my best, my best! I cleaned everything, I cooked everything, I got jobs to cook and clean for others, too, and I gave them it all, everything, everything! My money, my love, my skills... I wanted to pay them back!...That's a lie.I wanted to make sure they wouldn't abandon me, too. When I went to Hope's Peak... I was so happy. All my hard work got me here. I rose from the bottom to the top, and graduating from such a school meant I could help out my parents, and help others like me! I could... I could make up for having been born. For ruining my birth parents life... I...Why didn't they want me?Why did no one want me?...I would do it. I was sure. I had to be. I would do it. I would prove to everyone that I was worth having around. More, more, more... I would do more and more until someone could love me! Until someone could see I was worth having around! Please... I was worth having around, wasn't I? There's no such thing as a human being who's worthless, so please, hey, look at me! I'm right here, I'm right here... won't someone look at me?"I'm looking," that's what Junko told me. "I see. You don't have to smile, put on a front with me... you don't have to do your best. You were there for me, and you gave me love, and you saved me... won't you let me save you?"Lies. It must have been. It must have been. A bunch of nonsense lies! Because, after all—!Even she threw me out, you know?!...Maybe the problem was I didn't believe her. Maybe she would have accepted it all, kept me around, if I could just believe her... But I couldn't. And so, my goal shifted from "do my best" to "do my best for her sake." Was that... her intentions, with those words, or was the fault mine? Did I ruin everything? When I couldn't believe in any of it? Any of the people who loved me and their care?I had to do my best, you know. Do my best for them. For their sake! For each student of mine and their smiles, for the future I wanted to make, where no kid has to cry in despair alone again...!...I guess the key word there is "alone." Now, no one is alone in their misery....
This isn't what I wanted.
...Ah. I've gotten off topic, haven't I? I met Kyosuke at Hope's Peak. Juzo, too. And I loved, loved, loved him. I fell in love with him. He was also someone no one would see... and I wanted to see him. I wanted to see him, and I wanted him to see me! Look at me! 
But he didn't.
Kyosuke Munataka never saw me. Because he never saw my despair. The despair of a child thrown away and betrayed at every, everyyy~ goddamn point. He never saw me. He never saw me. He never saw me. I'll make him see me!...Is this where someone asks me, "what is despair to you?" Do you expect me to answer that that was despair?Maybe you would be right. Not being seen... never being seen... never being wanted... That is despair.And it is a despair Junko Enoshima understood.That understanding? That acceptance? That is the most dangerous thing in the world. That is how she got my students. ....That is how she got me.I never wanted anyone to feel that despair. Never. Not even Enoshima. Maybe that is why she betrayed me... So, then~ what happened next, you're wondering, right, Ryota-kun?When I graduated, I went on charity missions. That's why it took so long for Hope'sPeak to hire me as a teacher - they wanted me from the start, but I was on a mission when the school year began, and so... I only became a teacher later in the year. But that's not all I was doing. Secretly, I was working with Kyosuke. Because... he gave me hope. He was my hope. My guiding star~ you know? With his talk of ideals, and rights, and justice... I wanted justice. Avenge me, Kyosuke. Avenge the life I didn't live. Let me save them — save them all, all those kids crying in despair... let us give them hope.He gave me hope. He gave me everything.And it still wasn't enough. I wanted more, more, more, more. I couldn't believe it. Prove it. Prove it to me, please... Make me your number one, your only...! ...But how could I say that? How could I say that when I knew what Juzo-san felt?Juzo... Juzo-san... my hope, my happiness, my life, right there for the taking... at the expense of my best friends despair... That was the price of my happiness. That was the price of my life. You can't live without hurting someone, in the end. Without betraying someone. And so... I betrayed the world. To save it.You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs! I'm sorry, sorry, sorrryyy~ to say that Future Foundation has always been the eggs in this equation!But I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?Anyways... the reason I became a teacher at Hope's Peak, from the very start... was to destroy Hope's Peak from the inside out. Guess I did that pretty well, huh~? Well, well, well, you seeeee-! I had always been working with Kyosuke, to take down the bad guys. The rotten, evil people who hurt others for their own gain. We were the good guys, right? Right? We were just trying to help. I was to investigate Hope's Peak and find out any wrong doing! To stop them from hurting people, from using up all our lives!...What a naive outlook. Thinking I could change anything... that I could make a difference... that I was the heroine. It was all self satisfaction, you know?!  Just a way to justify my existence, in the end! Disgusting! But you know... everyone else is the same....My adoptive parents abandoned me, you know. They died. Not willing to face their corrupted daughter and the state of the world. Junko betrayed me, too. I should have never told her my fear of spiders... Maybe she felt I betrayed her, by not believing her, not falling for her, not accepting her heartfelt words. But they must have been lies, right? They must have been lies. Maybe it was me who ruined everything. Maybe it was me...I just don't know.That, too, is despair. That I never saw her, either....You're probably wondering why I did this killing game. If I have to answer, I'd say...I did it for hope.For the hope of no one ever being betrayed again. For the hope of no one crying in pain, for the hope of no one ever being abandoned. If you want to know what despair is to me? It's my enemy....Maybe that's why I couldn't accept her, either.I wanted to prove to you, Ryota Mitarai. That no one could be trusted. That Future Foundation's hope was a lie. That Kyosuke's justice, his ideals, are all bullshit in the end. When Enoshima tortured me, I cried on my heart. I cried out for him. I cried out for him to save me. But he didn't. Where was he? Why didn't he see? Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't anyone see?I never want that despair to exist again.The hope of Future Foundation is a hypocritical one. A selfish one. An ugly one. A damned lie. That's what I wanted to prove — that is human nature to betray. To hurt, and be hurt. That's why I killed myself. To show you all the truth of this world — to send Kyosuke into despair. I knew he'd go berserk with me dying, you know? Even more when he realized my affiliation with Junko-chan. That's not all of my reasons, but those are some.And Kirigiri-san... Why do you think I made her forbidden action like that? It was to prove to you all. To you, Ryota-kun. I know... I know Kirigiri-san is not strong enough to face death. If Naegi-kun is alive by the fourth time limit, she will kill him herself to save her life. And isn't that despair?Though... Hehe. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she'll slip, and Naegi-kun will see her code... and kill her himself. Either way, I know it. Those two are bound to betray each other, isn't that right? They have before— she's let him die before— she will again. Because... No one is actually that strong.Why do you think I paired you with Kirigiri-san? It was to show you the truth. Even she and Naegi-kun are capable of evil, dark things. Otherwise... Why did the world fall? Why did my students fall? Why did I fall?Humans betray. Humans abandon. Humans despair. That is our true nature. Our natural state. But you, Ryota-kun... can't you defy that?With your talent, can't you rewrite that?You never used that video. That "hope video." You never let me see. You never, never, never did anything to save others from their despair. Because you were scared, right? You didn't want to be used again. There's a reason I liked you, Ryota-kun. It is because you are remarkably like me. You wanted to justify your existence, too, right? You wanted to prove them wrong?Then prove it. Do something good. For once in your goddamn miserable life, do not run away. ...Though, that might be hypocritical of me, huh? I ran at the start of all this. I killed myself. You wanna know the truth? It's because I know I do not deserve the utopia you will give us. I am the villain of this story... and I always have been.Well, that's it. I leave to rest of it to you, Ryota-kun. I'll be counting on you.Because...You are my last hope.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

...Shut the fuck up.Shut the fuck up, all of you. You're redeemed now? You're reformed now? You've given up on despair now, huh? You've found hope? Why the hell, then? Why the hell did you not do so for me?When she betrayed me, when I came to you, when I was begging with you, what did you do? You betrayed me, too! And now you're here, claiming you rejected her, that you're reformed now, that you didn't mean it in the least? Shut up with those hollow words. You don't love her anymore? You don't love her? Do you really think I'd believe such shallow words?...I wanted to help people. I wanted to help people. That's all I wanted, so why...? Why did I have to meet her that day? Why did I have to meet that damned girl?...Why did I have to introduce her to you?...Don't you see? There's nothing to be done. I already ruined it, that hopeful place where we talked and laughed together... That place you never believed in. We're already ruined. We're already fucked. Look at the world around us! If the world is really so good, why did it get like this?! Why did you fall for her?! Why did I...?...."There's hope"? You really... you really think there's hope, Mikan-chan? You're saying you were wrong? That we were all wrong?What right do you have to say that, after you betrayed me?...What right do you have to say that, when...When I doomed you all to this in the first place?!It's... it's all my fault! Everything, everything, everything—! If I never met her, if I never met her...! And yet, yet—!
I still love her!
Why do I love such a girl?! How can you sit there saying you're over her?! She was the only one who accepted me! Who loved me! Who forgave me—!No... That's wrong. That's just what she wanted me to think. She never loved me. She never loved me. I know this. She would never, ever love anyone more than "despair." Not even herself. Especially not herself. She never loved any of us! She never loved us! You don't do this to someone you love! You don't ruin them!—If that's her version of love, I don't want it! I never wanted it! But it was all I had! Because you left me for her! You left me with her! Do you think she plunged me into despair by herself? She pushed me off of the ledge, but you walked me to the top! It's all your fault! It's all my fault! It's all of our fault, it's our sins to bear, it's, it's...Why did I survive?The Reserve Course Suicides, Kirigiri-san's death... why was I the one to survive?I have so much blood on my hands. I really can't be saved.She ruined me. She ruined me. She ruined me. I loved her and she ruined me and then she died, she killed herself, she left me, and why does that hurt more than anything else? I loved her. I loved her. I loved her!How can you say you're over her?! How can you say there's hope for us, when—!When there's nothing worth anything in a world without her.I hate her. I love her. I hate her. Why did she hate herself? Why didn't she love herself? Why did she kill herself? Hypocrite! Hypocrite! Hypocrite! Why am I here without her?! How can I make up for living?! I just wanted to make up for living! I just wanted to help! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—! I didn't mean any of it, I didn't mean it at all, so Junko, Chisa, please come back!Why did they betray me...? Why does everyone betray me...?They saved my life. They saved my life and then they killed themselves. Chisa was right about me. Chisa was right. All I do is run away. Everything, everything I've done—! It was all so someone would want me around, it was all to prove I was worth something! That's all it's been from the start - me futilely trying to justify my existence! But it's all, all, all meaningless! I could never make up for it - my first sin was being born! I wish...
I WISH I WAS DEAD.
Why did I survive?! Why did they save me?! I should have died on that river bank! I tried, I tried, I wanted to make up for my sins, I tried and yet she saved me! Junko saved me! Why did she do that? Why? Why?! I wish I was dead! I wish I was dead! I wish I was dead!Why did someone like me go on living?! How can I bear the shame of going on living after everything, everything I've done?! So, so many people died, and it's all, everything, all of it, my fault! We don't deserve to be spared! I don't deserve to live—! How shameless am I?! How shameless?! To act like I deserve anything, anything at all–!Do you know what despair is?! It's being alive!I thought I found hope, in Chisa—I thought I found acceptance—love—why did she leave me? Why did she leave me? I didn't care, I didn't care, I didn't care if she was despair! I just wanted someone!
Do you have any idea what it's like?!

...
Don't. Don't say that. Don't act like—like—like there's hope. How can there be hope? How can there be hope in this cruel world? How can hope be anything but a clever lie? Everyone betrays, everyone leaves, everyone despairs. I have to do this! For Chisa! For all of us! Don't you want to escape the pain of this despair?!......No... You're wrong. I can't overcome it. I'm not that strong. I've never been strong on my own.......I'm not on my own?How... How can you say that? After everything, all the ways we hurt each other, how...? Even- even Kirigiri-san died, in the end!......You're... sorry?You're sorry. You're sorry? You're sorry.No one has ever told me that before....I'm not on my own. You're saying... you'll stay by me? Is there... is there really hope to be found there? For people like us?...That's right. Kirigiri-san... sacrificed herself. She didn't betray us. She didn't betray Naegi.Then... You're saying Chisa was wrong....I'm not alone...?I've always been alone. From the start. Is forgiveness... even possible for people like us?...."We'll forgive each other"? "We'll forgive ourselves"? I never... I never expected Mikan to say something like that. ...You all... still love her? You're not forsaking her? Live on... for her sake? When she couldn't? Find hope when she couldn't?Is such a thing... Really possible...?Such a beautiful thing... I don't think I can believe in it. The world is full of darkness and bitterness and anger and pain and hurt. It always has been. It always will be. Unless... unless I do this. Unless I fulfil Chisa's last wish, that she entrusted to me. There's no hope for humans unless I make it. I want to do something good. I don't want to run away again. I want to be forgiven. I want...I want to go back. It all went wrong, somewhere along the way. I want to go back....I can't go back. I know that....Do you... really think we can build something new? Can I really... trust in such a thing like that?Imposter... Mikan-chan...
I just want to feel okay.
If I take your hand... will I?
You promise?

...
If you're lying, that really would be despair.