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Severus Snape hated the first day of school with a burning passion. He had been teaching for only a year now, granted, but he knew well enough from the first time around that it was simply awful. The first years were either overexcited or homesick or both, and there was no parent there to stop them from gorging themselves on sweets (and seriously, why were there so many sweets at the Welcoming Feast?! He’d tried to petition Albus to ban them, but the old man had just laughed at him! The audacity!). So, in addition to being hopped up on the excitement and anxiety of being in a new place, they were also hopped up on sugar. It meant that Poppy usually ran through the stock of stomach soothers Severus had made by the end of the first week, leaving him with an unpleasant weekend full of even more extra brewing, on top of all the brewing he’d already done to replenish the stocks during the end of summer.And that was just the first years- but oh, merciless gods, there were six whole years worth of other children to bother Severus as well! Seriously, why did the blithering idiots of wizarding Britain create so damn many of them?! It wasn’t as if the act itself seemed particularly enjoyable to Severus, who eyed any sort of pleasure of the carnal variety with the same distaste and distrust with which he eyed most Gryffindors (Minerva being the sole (and only occasional) exception). But for some reason, wizards just kept having irresponsible sex, and then they sent the product of their liaisons off to him to deal with, an all-too-short eleven years later! He didn’t know how he made it to lunch, honestly. The little display with Harry at the breakfast table had caused the students to let their guards down, so they seemed to think that he would be an easy teacher, or that his class would be fun! Pah! He’d soon disabused them of that notion- potions was not a class in which one could let their guard down, lest they find themselves with a faceful of boil cure. Which had happened, despite his very explicit instructions (spoken and written on the board!) that they must douse the flame before adding the porcupine quills! Giving the three careless first years a detention had improved his mood, until, that is, he remembered that he would have to supervise them during it and thus spend more time with them after-hours. And then the second years hadn’t been much better- it’s like they’d forgotten everything that he’d taught them last year! He hadn’t even looked at the summer homework yet, but he could already tell that it would disappoint him, nevermind that his expectations were already buried six feet under with all the war dead.He stalked into lunch looking every inch the evil dungeon bat, and students were quick to scurry out of his way as he headed up to the staff table. It didn’t put off Harry, however, who merely held up his pudgy brown arms and gleefully shouted “Unca Sevvy!”“Hello, little firefly,” Severus cooed, softening immediately as he lifted the child upon request. “How was your morning?”“Saw lotsa figgy magic!” Harry cheered. “Brew went good?” he asked.“Ha!” Severus snorted. “I wish! But you see, my sweet frog, most children are of a far inferior quality to you yourself, and lack even the basic ability to follow simple directions, putting both my classroom and my sanity at risk.”Harry grabbed a fistful of his hair, making clumsy attempts to braid it like he saw the schoolgirls doing for each other. “I go brew wif you after lunch?” he asked, as Severus sat down and maneuvered him to one side of his lap so he could fill a plate for himself and the child.“Well, I suppose that would be alright, since it’s the upper years, and they are unlikely to be idiotic enough to put your person in any sort of danger. But you must stay at my desk and watch, where you will be safe, and then we can brew together after dinner. Does that sound alright?”“Yay!” Harry clapped his hand as he reached for his sippy cup of pumpkin juice. “Harry give mawks?”“No child, I am afraid you are far too kind to grade these dunderheads in accordance with their astounding levels of what is, at best, mediocracy.”“Severus,” Minerva warned, eyebrows raised. “You remember our discussion about inside thoughts, and how some of them needn’t become outside words?”The 22-year-old glowered at her. “Kindly cease trying to parent me; I’m not your toddler.”“Don’t worry, dear, nobody would accuse you of that,” Poppy jumped in. “Harry’s far better behaved.”“And they ask me why I only like you,” he grumbled to Harry, who was now happily working his way through a bunch of grapes. “Sometimes, snidget, I really do think that we’re the only two sensible people in this school.”“Unca Sevvy cwanky ‘cos he hungwy,” Harry remarked wisely, picking up a bite of pot roast to offer him. Severus thought that this was an excellent example of the sensibility he was referring to, so he’d very much appreciate it if his colleagues would stop laughing. “So, I suppose you’ll be taking him for the afternoon, then?” Minerva asked, as Severus began cutting potatoes into bite-sized pieces and blowing on them before moving them to Harry’s side of the plate.“Yes- it’s just my OWL and NEWT students, and he’ll stay up by my desk, so it should be safe enough once I cast a few protection charms,” Severus replied, as Harry dipped his potatoes in brown sauce. “We know you wouldn’t let him come to any harm, dear, don’t worry,” Poppy said. Severus wondered where this recent habit of calling him dear had come from. “Now, Harry is eating quite well, so perhaps you ought to concern yourself with finishing your own lunch,” she chided gently, noticing how the young man had been too preoccupied with watching Harry eat to take more than a couple bites of his own portion.“May I remind you that you only have one child, and it’s not me,” he grumbled at her, but he did pick up his fork again, so Poppy let his grumbling slide with a satisfied smile.____Severus stalked in front of his incoming fifth years, ready to take stock of what he had and gauge who might be staying with him after OWLS. “Douglas,” he rounded on a random fifth year Hufflepuff. “What would I get if I added powdered asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?” The question was from the “recommended extra readings” section that he’d oh-so-helpfully listed, directly below the “required summer homework” section of the homework packet that the professors sent home with the students every year. “Um, wiggenwald potion?” The unfortunate Hufflepuff (who had clearly not done more than the bare minimum, Severus’ mind supplied), hazarded a guess. “Wiggenwald po- unbelievable! ” Severus groaned, resisting the urge to scream into the void.“Wong!” Harry sing-songed from Severus’ desk ( wrapped with a truly excessive amount of protection charms that was really more suited to an auror preparing to go out into the field, rather than a child simply observing a potions lesson), where he was happily coloring with parchment and muggle crayons. He listened to Unca sevvy talk about potions enough that he knew the answer by heart, but he decided to let the class keep guessing while he worked on a picture for his uncle instead.“Yes, Douglas. As the toddler has so astutely pointed out, that was atrocious , even for a guess.” “Twocious” Harry agreed happily, clapping his hands together. “Big word. Unca Sevvy super duper smart”. “Yes, little bug,” Severus sighed his agreement, his lecture quite well cut off by now, and the students holding back giggles and giving him tender looks. “I suppose so. Douglas, as it is clear from your complete and total lack of any basic potions knowledge, or even the ability to put forth an educated guess, that you have no desire to pursue potions any further than your OWLS, I ask simply that you manage to pay attention, do your work to the best of your ability, and get through this year without blowing up my classroom. Now, does anyone in this room, other than the child and myself, actually know the answer?” They did not, and Severus sighed deeply. Other than Harry, there was simply no hope for today’s generation.“The recommended reading section was there for a reason,” he reminded the fifth-years. “Half of this class is Ravenclaws- I expected better from you lot, at least.”“Uh, Sorry?” one of the braver blue-tied students dared to venture. “I was at computer camp for most of the summer. So like, I could tell you about html, if you’re interested.”“No, I’m not interested!” Severus groaned- since when did students feel comfortable enough in his class to venture into such useless tangents? “Unless, of course, your computer could tell you what happens when you add powdered asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”“Uh, it probably could, if you could get it to work at Hogwarts.”“Well, here’s a question- why doesn’t technology work at Hogwarts?” More blank looks greeted him. “Hint: they also like to feed on leftover potion residue.”“Chiz-purfles!” Harry piped up, still doodling away.“Yes, little one, the answer is chitzpurfles. Once again, ten points to the literal toddler,” Severus told his class, crossing his arms. “Seriously, I would think that this would be embarrassing for you lot, and perhaps inspire you to do better, but that would be clearly holding out too much hope, and I am not an optimist. Which makes the fact that I am about to ask you to brew a deflating draught seriously concerning for me, and I can only be grateful that I’ve carefully warded the one child in here who would have any chance at getting it right,” he declared, motioning to Harry at his desk. “You have one hour- do try not to disappoint me as much as I am expecting you to.”He watched the students scramble to grab the ingredients listed on the board, walking over to join Harry at his desk.“Unca Sevvy, wook!” The toddler declared, holding up his parchment. “I drawed you a picture! We’re brewing!”Severus smiled down at the image of two stick figures, one with messy black curls and two scribbles of green for eyes, and the other, taller one with straighter black lines for hair, and a series of swooping scribbles that was clearly meant to represent his long robes. They were standing over a cauldron, both with wide smiles as Severus stirred what must be the potion, drawn bubbling atop the cauldron in purple crayon.“I think you messed up, kiddo.” One of the Hufflepuffs said, casting a glance at Harry’s drawing as he came back from the ingredients cupboard. “Professor Snape never smiles like that.”“Shut up, it’s perfect,” Severus growled at the student, but Harry just laughed. “Unca Sevvy wuvs Hawwy’s drawings!” He informed the student, proudly showing his work to the class, who responded with appropriate praise, sensing what their teacher would do if they did not.“Yes, little one, he does,” Severus affirmed, taking the proffered drawing, casting a protective charm on it, and tucking it into his robes as if it were the most precious thing in the world.“Now, the rest of you- stop standing there staring vacantly and start brewing, lest you find yourself finishing incomplete work in detention tonight!”The students obligingly lurched into motion, and Severus huffed, somewhat satisfied as he leaned back against his desk.“What a load of tosh we’ve been given this year,” he remarked to Harry. “Do you think we’ve any hope of whipping them into shape?”“Shapes!” Harry squealed. “I wike triangles!”“Well, at least someone’s on track with their education,” Severus responded, unable to stop himself from smiling widely as Harry began drawing various triangles on a clean piece of parchment. “Now, if only the rest of my students could follow your example,” he called loudly, in what was clearly a pointed jab.From their stations, the students stirred faster, casting themselves knowing looks and rolling their eyes. But they did all finish before the deadline, saving Severus the horror of dealing with them during detention.“I don’t know why we even bother,” a Ravenclaw remarked to their Hufflepuff friend as they all left the classroom. “We could invent a perfect new potion, and he’d still be more impressed with the two-year-old’s drawings!”“Seriously,” the Hufflepuff agreed. “Kid defeats the dark lord, but Snape’s over here being more impressed by triangles!” “I’m just thankful Harry’s there at all,” another Hufflepuff replied. “I mean, can you imagine how awful he’d be if he didn’t have Harry there calming him down?”They all shuddered. Best not to imagine such a thing, not when all was (more or less) well, just the way it was.