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The air in the room was uncomfortably thick, seeming to press down around them and reduce their ability to think. Kuro had his hands shoved into the pocket of his jeans, balling them into tight fists. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” “It’s alright,” Shu whispered. Kuro turned his head and stared into his lap, willing the tears not to fall. Shu, his best friend since childhood. They’d been through everything with each other, it seemed. They'd laughed until it hurt, cried within each other’s arms until it stopped hurting, and even took a few breaks from each other when they were the ones hurting each other. They’d bandaged each other’s wounds, wiped away each other’s tears, whispered secrets, and kept them for years. They’d loved together, hated together. Loved each other, hated each other. They’d done it all, and seen it all, and stayed through it all. After all, that’s what a true friend was, wasn’t it? A companion that follows you through the darkness, because to them, anything is worth being able to see you in the light again. So when Shu’s shocking news of a breakup came through, Kuro was over as fast as reality would allow. Who could’ve possibly dumped his friend? Well, he knew exactly who. Someone who had absolutely no business walking out on Shu. The man who fed him, trained him, practically raised him into a perfect star. Mika was gone, Shu’s house was destroyed, and Mademoiselle was locked in a box so Shu wouldn’t be able to hurt her. The spark of joy Kuro had first felt at the news they had split was selfish, perhaps even downright despicable, and he knew that, so he’d quickly snuffed it out. Once he'd gotten there, Shu had curled into his side and sobbed into his shoulder as they lay atop his disaster of a bed. He had cupped the side of the other’s face as soon as it wasn’t pressed into him anymore, thumbing at the damp tear tracks still staining his friend’s cheeks, which were flushed the prettiest shade of pink Kuro had ever seen in his entire life. Then, he had kissed him. Softly, and without a single second of hesitation. It felt so natural, and right. Like they’d been lovers for years, fully accustomed to pressing their mouths together and having long since memorized each other’s taste. They could have been married, from how sure he had seemed. They could have been soulmates, could have been recounting all the times they’d made love under the stars they were so fond of. But they weren’t. So when Shu had pushed him away and scrambled into a sitting position, Kuro had understood, and sat as well as his mind raced to justify why he’d done what he had. He quickly figured out that it was because of all those things they could have been. It was because of those things, and how many hours he’d spent dreaming that they were true. It was because of how many tears that had been shed in the knowledge that they weren’t, how many times he’d drank himself into unconsciousness in an effort to forget how much it always still hurt afterwards. But that was no excuse. He’d violated him, the man he loved so dearly, far more than he had the right to. On the day when Shu had needed him most, Kuro had failed him. So, he’d apologized, as he’d been taught to do after wronging somebody. And Shu had told him that it was okay..? Kuro blinked. “...Alright?” His voice came out a squeak. Shu sniffled. “No it’s just… my fault…” Kuro found the courage to look at the other again, messily wiping at the tears that were silently dripping down his face. “What? What’s your fault? You didn’t do anything wrong, dude, i-it’s me, I-I’m the one…” “The one who’s brave enough.” Kuro wanted this over. He wanted whatever the truth was to come out, so he could simply break down and sob for the first time in many years, whether it be as he was held in Shu’s arms or after he had fled, never to be seen again. “What do you mean?” “I mean that I love you too,” Shu hissed. “I’m the one who’s been trying to deny that. Sleeping around with random people trying to get over you, devoting myself to someone so deeply that it became a lifestyle only to have it taken away from me...” Kuro didn’t think he could form the words to reply, and luckily for him, Shu wasn’t stopping now. “Every time he touched me, I wished it was you. Every time he got me in bed, I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. I thought he could help me, but he only made it worse. And now he’s gone, and it hurts, because as much as I always wanted to escape, I cared about him. But not enough to ruin this now, so please, p-please just…” His voice cracked, and faltered. Kuro felt it again, that sureness. He ignored the screaming in the back of his head, all the emotions he knew he was going to have to sort through later, and gripped Shu’s shoulder with a large, trembling hand. “P… Please what?” “Please… kiss me again, and hold me, and touch me, e-everywhere…” A second hand joined the first, pressing itself flat against Shu’s chest to feel the pounding of his heart. “A-Are you sure..?”
Yes, yes please for the love of god, Kuro. Don’t leave me.