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Quote: “Perhaps, instead of trying to force her to speak, it is time for you to be quiet and really listen.” (Tomas)
Lan thought about what he would say to Moiraine when he entered the room. She hadn’t liked his earlier outburst, and he doubted she had liked his biting answer when he told her she could make her dinner herself.Not once had he forgotten to bring her dinner in the last twenty years. It had been very early when Siuan had made him promise to watch over Moiraine’s eating routines. The Cairhien woman was terrible at thinking about her needs.At first, the Malkieri had found it ridiculous to remind her to eat or drink but found it satisfying very quickly. He realized that he loved taking care of her. Moiraine never asked much of him, and Lan owed her so much – at least in his opinion.Yet, it was hard for him to accept her cold behavior though he wished he could keep his calm whenever she tried to push him away.
I think you’re taking this all too personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. It only affects you if you let it.
Lan’s grip around the cutlery tightened when he remembered Adeleas’ words. Sometimes, he truly wanted to strangle the Green Sister. It all seemed extremely easy in her eyes. Lan should simply forget about Moiraine and her problems – forget about what they had lost. As long as it meant that the Malkieri was finally paying attention to the woman of the Green Ajah. Light, Adeleas would probably not mind should he suddenly show interest in her! He would end up in her bed faster than he could imagine.The uncrowned king of Malkier shook his head. No. He didn’t want to bed Adeleas. He wished they would have left Tifan’s Well months ago. It would take years until he was ready to see that woman again. Hopefully, Moiraine wouldn’t ask him to return to Tifan’s Well any time soon in the future.Suddenly, Lan realized he had reached the study room, and the door stood wide open to his surprise. Frowning, he knocked – not wanting to scare his Aes Sedai – but there was no answer.Carefully, the Warder entered the room, noticing how quiet it was. Moiraine wasn’t there. He was sure of that. They didn’t have their bond anymore, yet Lan was still able to feel the presence of the Cairhien woman when she was in the same room as he was. And right now, his senses told him that Moiraine had left the room. Nonetheless, his eyes scanned the room, not wanting to oversee her should his senses play a trick on him.Frustration rolled over him which he quickly tried to suppress. He had sworn himself not to get angry again with Moiraine’s behavior. He would stay calm and be patient.
Perhaps, instead of trying to force her to speak, it is time for you to be quiet and really listen.
Really listen. What had Moiraine said to him? She had told him she wanted to eat her dinner up here. But there had been more hidden in her words. By telling him that, she had also announced that she didn’t wish to join him and the others. His Aes Sedai wished to be left alone.Although it pained the uncrowned king of Malkier to obey that wish, he placed the plate on the table. It was still filled with countless pieces of paper, maps, books, and who knew what else. Well, if Moiraine didn’t like it, she could still put the papers aside. At least, Lan hoped it would be the papers and books and not her plate. That woman needed to eat!After he had placed the cutlery beside the plate, Lan stepped back and released a heavy sigh. His Aes Sedai. Where was she now? What was she doing? What was she planning? Would she appreciate his change of mind? Would she forgive him his outburst?
Most women never recover. Most women die.
Lan gritted his teeth when he remembered Adeleas’ words. He didn’t want to think about Moiraine being suicidal. Yes, she had lost her connection to Saidar but would surely never… Lan’s thoughts started to wander again before he could stop himself.
“Don’t get close to him!”
Four Warders stood in a circle around Logain Ablar, giving him no way to run. The mad man had escaped again, and now everyone was on high alert, trying to capture him before he found a weapon.
“Take off your weapons before you close in on him!”
Lan watched how his brothers disarmed themselves without letting the False Dragon out of their eyes. He recognized Maksim and Ihvon among them. The Malkieri himself wasn’t part of the circle. His place was beside Stepin, keeping his friend from killing Logain.
His friend was still grieving his Aes Sedai, and the look in his eyes was clearly speaking of murder. Stepin would gladly join their brothers if Lan would let him, though the man wouldn’t hold back and search the fight with the mad man instead of calming the situation. Stepin wanted revenge for Kerene’s death. And whenever Logain escaped again, Lan had to stop his friend from joining the hunt.
But what worried the uncrowned king of Malkier the most was that no Aes Sedai was around to hold Logain in place until the Warders could hold him down. Where were they?
Carefully, he touched his bond with Moiraine. A shiver ran over his body when he remembered how weak it had felt after Logain’s attack in the cave. With Moiraine being heavily injured and him close to death, their bond had felt like it would break any second. Lan hadn’t liked the feeling and never wanted to get that close to losing Moiraine ever again. Yet since that moment, he touched their bond carefully, afraid it could weaken again if he used to much pressure.
Lan’s bondholder was close by, and the Warder felt her question through the bond. Moiraine must have felt his worry and probably wondered about the reason.
“Maksim! Watch out!”
Stepin jumped to his feet when Logain started an attack on Alanna’s Warder and pushed the blonde man out of the way. Quickly, Lan stepped before his friend before he could do something stupid.
“Get out of my way!” Stepin growled.
His hands rested on his axes. The old ones had been destroyed in the battle against Logain, but it looked like he had an extra pair, and he was angry.
“Stay out of it, Stepin.” Lan did his best to calm down his brother. “Let the others handle it.”
“They don’t handle it! They let him escape! I just need-!”
Lan placed his hands on Stepin’s shoulders and pushed the man gently backward – away from the fight. “You need to stay away.” His words made clear he wouldn’t change his mind.
It was too much for the grieving man. Growling, he removed Lan’s hands forcefully, then gave the Malkieri a hard push against the chest, sending him stumbling backward. “Don’t tell me what to do!” Before Lan could regain his balance, Stepin pulled back his arm to leave his fist in Lan’s face.
The Malkieri’s eyes widened when he saw the fist of his friend but wasn’t able to react anymore. Instead, he braced himself for the inevitable pain. As long as Stepin was fighting him, he couldn’t kill Logain.
Suddenly, a painful scream escaped Stepin’s lips, and Lan saw his friend crouching. The poor Warder pressed his arm against his chest while his other hand clutched his hurt arm. What had happened?
“Don’t touch my Warder.”
Surprised, the uncrowned king of Malkier turned his head. Moiraine had appeared with Alanna by her side, and Lan finally felt through the bond that his Aes Sedai still touched Saidar. She must have seen the danger and protected him somehow.
“Really? Again?” Alanna sighed. Her eyes were locked on Logain and the Warders. “They let him free himself again? Don’t they know by now how dangerous he is?”
Stepin turned his head toward the woman of the Blue Ajah, and pure hate raged behind his eyes. “You-!”
When Kerene’s former Warder took a step toward Moiraine, Lan reacted immediately, placing his body between his friend and his bondholder. This time, his eyes showed his anger too. “Don’t you dare!” His voice was cold as ice. He didn’t mind when he took a punch to the face but wouldn’t allow Stepin to hurt Moiraine.
For a heartbeat, it looked like the other man actually considered fighting against Lan, then his body relaxed all of a sudden and his eyes closed, but he didn’t fall. Stepin stood there like he was sleeping while standing.
“Lan.”
Moiraine didn’t need to say more. The Malkieri duck and threw his friend over his shoulder. It was easier to carry him like that.
“We’ll take care of Stepin. Will you help the Warders with Logain?” The Cairhien woman asked Alanna.
The Green Sister sighed heavily. “Well, since he tries to kill my Warders, I assume I should help them before anyone gets hurt. NOT IN HIS FACE!”
Furiously, Alanna moved her hands, and a strong wind threw both Logain and the Warders – who tried to get him away from Maksim – on their backs. Lan heard Maksim gasping in relief when Logain’s weight was finally taken from him. They truly needed a new strategy to deal with the False Dragon.
“No, you don’t!”
Surprisingly, Logain had been the first one being back on his knees. He didn’t try to escape or attack Alanna. No, the False Dragon lunged for Ihvon’s dagger, then pressed the blade against his throat.
Lan was convinced that no one could stop the desperate man anymore, but the Green Sister proved him wrong. She weaved quickly, and her weaves seemed to hold the whole man in place. Logain couldn’t move a muscle.
“Ihvon, take the blade off him!” Alanna was pissed, though the Malkieri couldn’t say if she was pissed at the situation or about the Warders.
Moiraine touched Lan’s arm gently to get his attention. “Let us leave.”
But Lan couldn’t pull his eyes from Logain. Silently, he watched how Ihvon pulled his dagger out of Logain’s hand. A small trickle of blood ran down his throat. The man hadn’t been able to cut deeply into his skin.
“Lan.”
“Whenever he frees himself, he never tries to escape,” Lan stated in confusion. “Every time, he simply tries to find a weapon. Not to hurt anyone, but to kill himself. Why?”
The Aes Sedai sighed but turned back to Alanna and the Warders. “When a man – or a woman – is cut off from the One Power, they eventually turn mad. It is like… a drug when we use Saidin and Saidar, filling our veins, and sometimes people burn out when they draw too much.”
Frowning, Lan looked at his bondholder. Drawing too much at the One Power. People burning out. He didn’t like the sound of that. “Have you ever gotten close to draw too much?”
Moiraine tilted her head slightly. “I was tempted a few times.”
A chill moved over Lan’s back. She had been tempted?! Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier placed a finger under her chin and pulled her face to him. “When have you been tempted the last time?”
The Cairhien woman smiled at him softly. “Don’t worry. I learned a long time ago to notice the signs.”
But Lan wasn’t so easily distracted. He knew Moiraine and how she twisted her words. He wouldn’t leave without an answer.
Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah gave up. “A few days ago.”
Her words were like a punch to his gut, and Lan gnashed his teeth. She had been tempted only a few days ago?! How did it come that he didn’t notice it?! What had he been doing while she-?!
“I didn’t have a choice. You were dying.”
Lan closed his eyes when he finally understood what situation had brought his Aes Sedai close to burning out. She nearly killed herself just to help him.
Moiraine’s gentle hand on his cheek made the Warder open his eyes again. “It isn’t your fault,” she said softly, and Lan could feel her love for him through the bond. “You didn’t attack Logain. And you tried to warn Stepin. You couldn’t see that coming.”
The uncrowned king of Malkier felt the urge to pull the Cairhien woman into his arms. He wanted to feel her body melt against his until neither of them knew where one started and where the other ended. The past few days had been horrible, and the memory of almost losing Moiraine in that cave… it haunted Lan every waking second.
But the Aes Sedai didn’t like to display physical contact in front of her sisters and their Warders. No one needed to know how close they were. So, instead of giving in to his needs, Lan returned to their original subject. “You said, using the One Power is like a drug. Does that mean that men – who are cut off from Saidin – want to kill themselves because they miss the toxic feeling?”
Moiraine smiled. “Very good. Yes, once you have touched the One Power for the first time, there is no turning back. You are able to withstand the temptation not to touch it for a while, but in the end, you will reach out for it again. It’s inevitable.” Moiraine’s eyes turned to Logain when his screams echoed in the air. The False Dragon got tied up by the Warders while Alanna had an eye on him. “Logain won’t stop killing himself. In his opinion, death is the only way to deal with his pain. And no matter how often you try to reason with him, he wouldn’t listen.”
Sighing, the Malkieri counted the days they would need to return to Tar Valon, and his heart sank. It would be a very long ride while they kept an eye on Logain and Stepin.
“What about female channelers? Can Aes Sedai withstand the urge?”
When Lan saw the sad expression on Moiraine’s face, he knew that there was no hope for any channeler to survive such a cut.
Moiraine shook her head. “Every channelers reacts the same. Some do it quicker while others resist a little longer. But in the end, every one seeks the moment when all their pain ends.”
Stepin mumbled something inaudible in Lan’s back and reminded his friend about his presence. They had stood there long enough! It was time to get Kerene’s former Warder to bed.
“How about we return Stepin to his tent, and then talk about our next steps?”
The Aes Sedai smiled at her Warder when she heard the hidden message in his words. It was something they had come up with. Whenever one of them suggested to have a private talk, they meant they wanted to go to their room where they could have a moment to themselves.
But since they both weren’t much talkers, the phrase ‘talk about our next steps’ actually meant they needed physical contact to calm their nerves.
“I’d like that,” Moiraine replied, filling their bond with her love for him.
Lan answered by sending his own love, then motioned for her to lead the way. He would follow her anywhere.
The Warder cursed inwardly. Now, that Adeleas’ words about Aes Sedai who died after being cut off from the One Power rang in his ears, he remembered his conversation with Moiraine after the Aes Sedai had gentled Logain.
Every channelers reacts the same. Some do it quicker while others resist a little longer. But in the end, every one seeks the moment when all their pain ends.
How could he have forgotten that? Was that the reason why Moiraine had pushed him away? Had she already tried to kill himself and didn’t want him to know?Fear grasped at Lan’s heart while he tried to remember if he had noticed any injuries. There had been none when they still had been in Fal Dara. Back in the Borderlands, the Aes Sedai had allowed her Warder to help her undressing, and he had been able to look at her body. There had been no injury.The only unusual thing the Malkieri had noticed – apart from her pale skin, her non-existent appetite, and her quietness – was her unplanned walks. A few times, the man from the Borderlands had found her wandering aimlessly through the corridors, completely lost in her thoughts. She had never told him whenever she decided to take a walk, and at first, Lan had assumed she returned to her room.After he had saved her for the third time from running into a door, the Warder ensured never to let her out of his sight again. He knew how dangerous it was to let Moiraine get lost in her thoughts. That woman was always planning, and it had been Lan who had always pulled her back to the real world. Without the bond… it was harder to find the right moment when she was close to losing herself.Of course, Nynaeve hadn’t been amused about him running after his bondholder all the time and called him ‘a good dog’ a few times.Lan had ignored her biting words most of the time. Moiraine’s health was more important to him than Nynaeve’s jealousy. He had allowed the Wisdom to distract him and because of that he hadn’t noticed when Moiraine left the fortress. It would never happen again.So, there had been no suicide attempts in Fal Dara. But since they had reached Tifan’s Well, Moiraine had started to push him away. What was she hiding from him? Did she have any injuries he didn’t know about?She burned her fingers a few times at the rope from the well, Lan remembered. But that wasn’t self-inflicted. Her arms simply weren’t used to the hard work.Had the Aes Sedai acted strangely while carrying the water buckets? No, she struggled because her body was getting weaker with every passing day, yet she forced it to do such heavy work. And Tomas hadn’t said anything either. Lan was certain the Warder would tell him should he notice anything unusual around Lan’s Aes Sedai.Frustrated, the uncrowned king of Malkier started to take a closer look at the study room. Why wasn’t Moiraine in there? It was late, but the Cairhien woman was one of the last to go to bed. There was no way she had already given in to sleep.Lan’s hands moved over some papers, trying to find a pattern or at least an answer that could have made Moiraine leave that room. But there was nothing. Only Verin and Adeleas’ books about the Karaethon Cycle and prophecies, as well as letters and maps they had collected over the years. The two sisters had collected a lot of information over the years. Every shelf was filled with…Suddenly, Lan’s eyes widen and his eyes moved over the room again. Finally, he had noticed what bothered him all this time. All that stuff belonged to Verin and Adeleas. There was nothing personal lying around belonging to his Aes Sedai. Where were Moiraine’s notes? Where were her personal belongings? Why did the room look like she had never been there?Make it yourself. And have it wherever you want.His stomach twisted painfully. She hadn’t. She wouldn’t. Fear grabbed his heart in a tight grip. Light, what had he done?!Knowing it was useless to search the room for any more clues about his bondholder’s whereabouts, the Warder stormed out, aiming for Moiraine’s room.
Please, let her be there! Please!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Together, Moiraine and Lan returned Stepin to his tent and made him as comfortable as possible for the night. Once they were done, a Warder from one of Moiraine's Green Sisters appeared to take over, giving Lan the chance to get some sleep.When the Aes Sedai and Warder returned to their own tent, they seemed calm as always. Lan walked one step behind Moiraine, keeping an eye on their surroundings. The sudden appearance of Logain's army had made the Warders oversensitive to further possible attacks. No one wanted a repetition of that fight.Shortly before Moiraine and Lan entered their tent, Nynaeve crossed their path, glaring at Moiraine like she could erase the Cairhien woman like that.Luckily, Lan's Aes Sedai was too tired to argue with the young woman and simply disappeared through the entrance of their tent, leaving Lan with the furious Wisdom. But Lan was also too tired to listen to Nynaeve's endless tirades about Moiraine's terrible character, so he wished her a good night, then followed his bondholder inside.The Cairhien woman raised an eyebrow in surprise when the Malkieri followed her so quickly. Obviously, she hadn't expected that."What?" Lan asked in amusement while taking off his belts."I…." Moiraine shook her head, then rubbed her hands over her face. "Never mind."Quietly, the uncrowned king of Malkier stepped behind the Cairhien woman and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close against him. Moiraine sighed with a smile on her lips, tilting her head backward until it rested on Lan's shoulder and placing her hands over his. Their bond lit up with the love they felt for each other, and for a few moments, they forgot the world around them and simply enjoyed the close contact. It was their little moment of peace.The Malkieri moved his nose from the woman's ear over her soft cheek and then to her exposed throat. His lips felt the strong, beating pulse under her skin. Alive. Moiraine was alive. Light, it felt so good to have her in his arms!"What do you think about a hot bath?"Moiraine stiffened, then turned her head until she could look at him. "Is that your way of telling me nicely that I stink?"Lan chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Silly one. This is me, asking you nicely if you'd like a hot bath to relax after riding on horseback for days."Carefully, the Aes Sedai watched her Warder, listening to the bond. When she was satisfied with what she had found, she turned her head away. "There is only one bathtub for the entire camp.""I remember.""We didn't inform anyone that we would like to reserve it for tonight.""Which doesn't mean that it is reserved. I didn't hear anyone talking about using it tonight. Actually, it's used very seldom by anyone if we're honest."Moiraine opened her mouth, then sighed in frustration. Lan was right. The bathtub had barely been used in the last few weeks. It was highly possible that it wasn't used tonight, either. But did she want to ask Lan to leave and get it?"Would you like a hot bath?" Lan asked gently."That thing is heavy, and we don't know where it is right now.""That wasn't the question." The Malkieri brought his mouth closer to the Cairhien woman's ear, tickling her with his hot breath. "Would you like a hot bath?"Moiraine shivered. The thought of a calming, hot bath was… "Yes," she sighed. "That would be wonderful."Contently, the uncrowned king of Malkier pressed a kiss on the back of her head, then released her. "Good. Then I will go and get it.""Lan…" Moiraine started and tried to stop him, but the man from the Borderlands was faster."I'll be back." Smiling, Lan left the tent, feeling Moiraine's frustration through the bond. He would ensure that his bondholder would get the opportunity to relax.Finding the bathtub was easy. As Moiraine and Lan had predicted, no one claimed the wooden thing for the night, so Lan told the servants – who were responsible for the inventory of the Aes Sedai and building the tents – where to bring it. Meanwhile, he left with the rest of the servants to organize water. Within record time, the bathtub was filled with fresh water, and Lan sprinkled some herbs into it. Then, it was up to Moiraine to heat the water until steam appeared on the surface, and the tent was filled with the scent of the herbs.Lan inhaled deeply with closed eyes. Even the simple smell of the herbs was calming him.Moiraine chuckled beside him. "Shall I give you two a moment?" She mocked him.When the Warder opened his eyes, he saw how his Aes Sedai pulled her long hair up so it wouldn't get wet. Quickly, he interfered and pulled out the hairpins, letting her dark locks fall down her back again."What are you doing?" Moiraine wanted to know."Don't put it up. I like your long hair.""Well, it's not helpful when I want to take a quick bath."Lan moved his fingers through the woman's hair. Light, he loved her! "Let me wash it for you.""Wash it? My hair?" The Cairhien woman was confused. "It will take forever until they're dry again.""You're right. If only there is an Aes Sedai around, knowing the weave to pull water out of clothes… and hair." This time, Moiraine couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes at Lan's words. Smiling, the Malkieri leaned his forehead against hers. "Please, let me do it.""I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing bath.""It is. You relax while I take care of your hair." Lan felt the hesitation in his bondholder so when she sighed heavily, he quickly ended her protest before one word could cross her lips. "Please, Moiraine."The uncrowned king of Malkier knew the Cairhien woman well enough to know that the frustrated small sigh that escaped her lips was her way of agreeing to his bidding. Smiling, his fingers went into action, helping her undress. He had won.Moiraine growled at his broad smile, then pushed his hands away from her tunic and started to pull the fabric out of her pants. "Insufferable man."Lan knew she wasn't angry with him. She was angry with herself for giving in to his plea so quickly. He kissed her cheek, then his fingers moved on to her pants, ignoring Moiraine's protests about not needing his help. Taking care of Moiraine was his favorite thing to do.The uncrowned king of Malkier gave the Cairhien woman time to enjoy the warm water without him interfering. He wanted her to have a moment to herself before he would disturb her. Meanwhile, he took off his own tunic and checked on his sword.Once he only received relaxed feelings through the bond, Lan stood up and walked to the bathtub. The water was still warm, and the steam rising from the surface.Admiring, Lan let his eyes wander over Moiraine's face and her exposed arms. He liked seeing her in such a good mood.Suddenly, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. "It's impolite to stare, Gaidin.""Am I not allowed to look at my Aes Sedai?" Lan reached out and let his fingers move gingerly over the soft skin of Moiraine's arm. "Am I not allowed to admire the woman who is bonded to me?"His words brought a smile to the Aes Sedai's lips. She dipped her right hand into the water, then splashed some droplets on Lan's naked chest. Mischief gleamed in her eyes while she waited for his response.Slowly, the Malkieri lowered his head, watching the droplets running over his muscles before he locked eyes with the Cairhien woman again. "And now she declared war against me."Smiling, the Aes Sedai bit her lip, then splashed more droplets on her Warder. "What shall I say? You look like you should wash yourself.""Hmm," Lan hummed, agreeing. "And I think your hair looks still too dry to be washed properly."Moiraine had a second to understand what Lan was saying, but then it was already too late. "Lan-!" Her sentence was cut off when the Malkieri pushed her head entirely underwater. Coughing, she broke through the surface. "Bastard.""Hm. Not wet enough." Lan didn't wait until Moiraine was done wiping the water out of her eyes. He simply pushed her head back into the water.The man wasn't in the least afraid when the woman resurfaced, and her angry glare hit him. This time, she didn't waste a few droplets on him. No, this time, she splashed a lot more at him, drenching the front of his pants so the fabric stuck uncomfortably to his skin.When she prepared another wave, Lan quickly grabbed her hands to stop her. "I believe that's enough. The water is supposed to stay in the tub.""There's plenty left," Moiraine hissed, trying vigorously to free her hands."Well, it's your choice. The more water you spill, the more I have to replace." The Cairhien woman stopped fighting, and the Malkieri smiled in amusement when he finished, "And it won't be warm.""You wouldn't." Instead of an answer, the uncrowned king of Malkier smiled dangerously, allowing her to see the gleam in his eyes. He knew she didn't react well to cold water. "Lan." There was a dangerous warning in her voice."It depends on how much water you intend to spill.""If you do that, you will have to beg one of the other Warders to let you sleep in their tent, Gaidin."Lan chuckled, then held up his hands in defense. "All right, Aes Sedai. I surrender. May I now take care of your hair?"Carefully, the woman of the Blue Ajah narrowed her eyes at him. "Who promises me that you won't push me underwater again? I don't think I should allow you-""Please, Moiraine." Gently, Lan cupped her cheek, stroking her skin with his thumb. "You know I wouldn't do that."Finally, the Cairhien woman nodded, and the Malkieri started to prepare everything.With gentle movements, Lan rubbed the soap into Moiraine's hair. They had stopped talking since the Malkieri had started his work, but Lan felt that his bondholder was enjoying the treatment. The gentle movement of his fingers and the light pressure on her scalp helped to calm her wild thoughts.Carefully, he washed out the soap. Moiraine didn't flinch – not when Lan tilted her head back to wash out her hair or when he rinsed some water over her face to erase the last traces of the soap before it would get into her eyes."Are you still with me?""Hmm," Moiraine hummed though it sounded like she was close to falling asleep."Very convincing," Lan chuckled.Sighing, the Cairhien woman opened her beautiful eyes. "And what kind of reaction would have been more satisfying to you?"Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier helped her sit upright and wrung out the water from her hair. "That you're actually able to speak is already more convincing than your tired humming.""I'll try to remember it the next time.""Thank you." The Malkieri pulled her hair up and used two hairpins to hold it together. "All done."Moiraine lifted a hand to touch her wet hair, then smiled at him. Yes, Lan could see the tiredness in her eyes. "Thank you."The Warder couldn't resist touching the soft skin of her cheek. He loved seeing the color in her cheeks and feeling the warmth of her body. Sadly, the memory of her lying cold in his arms and her skin turning pale still haunted him. Never did he want to experience that again."Do you think this bathtub could take two persons?""Two persons?" Moiraine raised an eyebrow. "Well, I guess that's possible. I could ask Alanna if she wanted to join me – or Liandrin. I bet she would be thrilled-"Playfully, Lan splashed some water into his bondholder's face, cutting her off and making her giggle. "You would rather share a bath with Liandrin than with me?"Smiling, the Aes Sedai motioned for her Warder to get into the wooden tub. "Get in here, Gaidin."Lan took off his boots, then got rid of his wet pants – which were still sticking uncomfortably to his skin – and climbed into the tub behind the woman of the Blue Ajah.Moiraine growled when she had to move to give him some room. "There was so much space on the opposite side of me. You have to use the uncomfortable way, don't you?""Well," the Malkieri said when he pulled the woman back to him until she sat right between his legs with her back against his chest. Lan's arms moved around her to hold her close and he pressed his lips against her right cheek. "This may be the more uncomfortable way, but also the position to have my Aes Sedai close to me. I will always choose you over uncomfortableness."A warm feeling rushed through Lan's veins when Moiraine sent her love, admiration, and gratitude through the bond. She obviously enjoyed their close contact, too.The pair turned silent again. Both didn't want to disturb their peaceful bubble. The woman of the Blue Ajah only moved once to add new heat to the water with a weave, then the two were lost in their thoughts and feelings.Lan didn't know how much time had passed but felt Moiraine giving in more and more to sleep. He had to get her out of the water before she lost the fight entirely. Besides, the water had turned colder by now, and he didn't want her to catch a cold."Moiraine.""Hmm."Her reaction was even worse than when he had washed her hair earlier. Chuckling, Lan kissed her cheek. "Do you need my help to get out of here, or can you do it by yourself?"Frowning, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes and blinked. "What are you talking about?" She murmured."Can you move your arms and legs, or do they need help to climb out of the bathtub?""Why do I need to move?" Automatically, she snuggled closer against his chest."Because the water is getting cold.""Then I channel it warm again."The uncrowned king of Malkier saw how his bondholder moved her hands and felt her opening herself to Saidar. She was tired yet determined to keep them warm. Gently, Lan grabbed her hands to stop her. "Don't," he whispered."But you're cold," the Aes Sedai protested. Slowly, the fire in her returned, bringing back her spirit. "Let go. I can't heat the water like that.""I didn't wake you to heat the water. I woke you so you would get out of the bathtub.""Can't we stay in here?" Instead of an answer, the man from the Borderlands showed the woman her palms. Her skin was wrinkled from the time she had stayed inside the water. "Oh.""Are you now willing to get out?"This time, the Cairhien woman nodded. When she tried to get on her feet, Lan helped her to stand since he was afraid that she would fall. Once she stood safely on her feet outside the bathtub, the Warder followed his bondholder's lead. Tomorrow, he would empty the bathtub.When Lan turned toward Moiraine, his eyes fell on her naked backside. She had found a towel to dry herself, presenting her butt to him. A memory crossed Lan's mind of a younger Moiraine who had thrown everything within her reach at him after his younger self had suggested sharing a bath.Apparently, the Cairhien woman must have felt his amusement because she turned her head toward him. "What?"Admiring her, the Malkieri let his eyes move over her body and smiled. "Do you remember how I suggested we bathe together for the first time?""Yes," Moiraine answered warily, wrapping the towel around her body to cover herself.That simple action increased Lan's amusement. The Aes Sedai had gotten better with her nudity around her Warder – and she had stopped throwing things at him when he suggested bathing together – but sometimes her Cairhien nature broke through.The uncrowned king of Malkier couldn't help himself but felt the urge to play with her. Like a cat he walked toward the woman of the Blue Ajah, who watched every movement warily with her arms crossed before her."You threw the entire inventory our room had to offer at me.""And you deserved it. You didn't suggest sharing a bath. You announced in your best harsh manner that I had to undress to get into the bathtub with you.""We were soaked to the bones from the rain."Moiraine raised an eyebrow. "You tried to rip my clothes off me. Stop smiling."Lan was now close enough for her to give him a gentle slap to the chest. His grin had gotten bigger at her words when he remembered how his younger version had used the wrong way to take care of his young bondholder. "You refused to take them off, and I didn't want you to catch a cold.""I'm from Cairhien. We don't share baths with men who aren't our husbands – or share a bed with them. I've never seen a naked man before and had been scared."The uncrowned king of Malkier placed his forehead against the Cairhien woman's while his hands grabbed her hips. "Are you still scared?" He wanted to know, whispering.This time, Moiraine smiled and wrapped her arms around Lan's neck. "No." She flooded their bond with her love for him."No, hmm?" The mischief was clearly audible in Lan's voice, yet Moiraine seemed clueless about his intention."You're my Warder. I know you for twenty years now. I learned to trust you a long time ago."Suddenly, Lan grabbed her thighs, lifted her up, and wrapped her thighs around his waist. Moiraine shrieked but held on to him. "Lan!"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Carefully, the Malkieri carried her to the bed, then placed her there before he crawled over her, placing his naked body between her legs."Blood and ashes! Stop that! The bed will get all wet!""Hmm," Lan agreed, humming while his nose moved over her throat. "You can channel it dry later."The Aes Sedai nudged his arm for his suggestion. "Who says that I want to do that?" She sighed heavily when her Warder continued his examination of her body but didn't answer her. "What are you doing?""I need to feel you," Lan murmured against her skin.His hands grabbed the towel and parted it so there was nothing between them anymore. Then, they moved over the woman's warm skin without touching her in an inappropriate way.Moiraine's hands moved over Lan's shoulders, feeling how tense his muscles were. "And sharing a bath wasn't enough for you to feel me?" She asked gently, letting him know through the bond that she didn't mind his examination."No."Lan's lips moved over the healed wound on her chest, and he froze. Pictures of Moiraine – getting weaker and paler with every passing day – appeared before his eyes. How she had pushed herself to her limits until she couldn't move anymore. The bond had turned terribly silent, and more than once, Lan had feared he would lose his bondholder.Other pictures flooded Lan's mind. A dark cave. Logain. Stepin's axes. Moiraine's pain. Their bond, fading quickly.Panic rushed through Lan's veins, and his heart beat faster. The fear of losing Moiraine… he couldn't even bear the thought. Panting, he leaned his forehead against her chest and closed his eyes while his fingers moved over her stomach. Unlike the wound on her chest, there was no indication on her stomach that one of Stepin's axes had impaled her. Yet, Lan would never forget the image of her lying on the ground."Lan?"Of course, the Cairhien woman felt his panic, though she didn't know what had caused it. She sent calm and soothing feelings through the bond while her hands moved over his tight shoulders and neck. "What's on your mind?"The uncrowned king of Malkier couldn't speak. His fear had left a thick ball in his throat, making it impossible for him to speak."Lan."
Have you ever gotten close to draw too much?
I was tempted a few times.
When have you been tempted the last time?
A few days ago. I didn't have a choice. You were dying.
Another picture appeared before the Malkieri's eyes. A shard of a blade, cutting his throat. The feeling of his warm blood running over his throat. Although she had been injured badly, Moiraine had tried to reach him. His wonderful Aes Sedai had ignored her own pain just to save his life – and almost killed herself in the process.Again, his fingers moved over her healed stomach. The wheel seemed to be cruel to him lately. How many times would it try to take Moiraine from him? How many times would he have to fear losing her?"Enough."Determined, the Cairhien woman grabbed the Malkieri's hand and pulled it away from her stomach. Lan growled when he lost contact but was finally able to lift his head, glaring at the woman beneath him who returned the look."Speak, Gaidin." Her words sounded harsh, but Lan knew she tried to help him. She wanted to break through his panic attack by distracting him.Automatically, the Warder's hand tried to touch her stomach again, but the Aes Sedai slapped his hand away. "No." Lan gritted his teeth. He was stronger than her but he wouldn't go against her will. If she didn't let him touch her, he wouldn't do it – although his fingers longed for the contact. At least she didn't push him off her.The hard look in her eyes told him she wouldn't let him touch her again until he started to listen to her. Lan swallowed. What should he tell her?"Lately, it feels like the wheel…." His eyes landed on the scar on her shoulder. Close. Way too close. Without Nynaeve and Kerene… "It seems like it wants to separate us by all means." As soon as Lan noticed that his eyes burned, he closed them. "I couldn't stop that dagger at Bel Tine. I couldn't do anything against the poison.""Lan-""I couldn't stop Stepin. And you nearly burned out because you tried to- ""Stop." Moiraine cupped his face, then pressed her forehead against his. Her voice was gentle again. "None of that was your fault.""I-""None of that was your fault." She waited until he sighed before she continued, "You did everything you could to protect and save me." Smiling, she pressed her lips on his cheek. "I don't know what the wheel plans for our future or why it scares us so much lately. But the one thing I do know is that I wouldn't want anyone else by my side – I wouldn't want anyone else to be my Warder."A small smile appeared on the Malkieri's lips. No matter what had happened, the Cairhien woman didn't want to lose him. And she didn't think less of him. Her love filled their bond, so he sent her his love. He wanted her to know how much she meant to him.Slowly, the ball in his throat turned smaller, and the tight feeling on Lan's chest faded. It became easier to speak. "I don't know what I'll do should I lose you." He lifted his hand, and his fingers moved over the scar on her shoulder. "You belong to me, Moiraine."Moiraine's gaze turned soft. "As you belong to me." She stroked his cheek softly with her thumb. "And we will do our best to withstand the wheel's plans to separate us."Lan nodded, agreeing. "Gladly." He didn't know how Moiraine had done it, but she had pulled him out of his dark thoughts. That woman was remarkable."Now, would you please get down here again?" The Aes Sedai asked, pulling her Warder's head down. "I'm getting cold."The uncrowned king of Malkier chuckled. Her body still felt warm underneath him, yet he also felt her shivering slightly. Since he didn't cover her with his entire body anymore, her front was exposed to the nightly air.Smiling, Lan rearranged his body until he covered her front. As a man from the Borderlands, he didn't mind a little cold but knew that the wonderful woman in his arms didn't like it very much.Moiraine melted against his body until he couldn't say where she began and he ended. Her body fit so perfectly against his. Like she was made for me."Better?" The Malkieri asked when the Cairhien woman sighed contently in his arms."Hmm."Gently, Lan brushed a loose lock behind Moiraine's ear. "Honestly, I'm surprised you told me to cover you instead of getting your nightgown.""You keep me warmer than my nightgown."Her words made Lan chuckle. "Do I?" Their foreheads connected again, and a warm feeling filled Lan's body. It always surprised him how well his body reacted to being close to his Aes Sedai. It accommodated Moiraine's movements, and a simple touch of her calmed him."Moiraine?"The woman of the Blue Ajah winced when she recognized the voice of Alanna, and the uncrowned king of Malkier felt panic exploding in their bond. Should the Green Sister enter their tent without an invitation, she would…Moiraine's fingers dug painfully into Lan's back when the entrance of the tent opened, and Alanna entered. "Are you coming to the fire? We need to talk about…."Alanna froze when her eyes fell on Moiraine and Lan, and the rest of her words died on her lips. "Oh.""Alanna!" Moiraine hissed, in anger. "Get out!"Her words didn't seem to reach the woman of the Green Ajah. Instead, Alanna let her eyes roam over the two naked bodies, and they gleamed bright when they reached Lan's butt. Light, the shameless woman even tilted her head to have a better angle and licked her lips like she had a delicious meal before her. "Moiraine, Moiraine. I can't believe you keep such a tasty tidbit all to yourself."Lan saw how his bondholder closed her eyes, ashamed, and her cheeks turned red. She got better with her nudity around her Warder, but her Cairhien nature broke through when she was around others.Sighing, the Malkieri turned his head toward the other Aes Sedai. She was still admiring his naked butt. "Can we help you, Alanna Sedai?"Finally, she met his eyes, and he saw the lust in them. Would that woman ever have enough men to satisfy her needs?"Don't you want to consider joining Ihvon, Maksim, and me? Our bed is open to everyone who wants to have fun. And we do know a lot about pleasure."Lan smiled politely. "I was talking about the reason why you came here in the first place."Alanna pouted when he ignored her offer completely. "At least think about it, will you?" When Lan didn't answer, the Green Sister rolled her eyes. "I came to get Moiraine."This time, the Malkieri nodded. There was little he could do about Aes Sedai's business. "I'll give you two the room." But when he tried to lift his body, Moiraine's fingers dug painfully in his back. Her angry glare was a clear message, "Don't you dare move."Calmly, the uncrowned king of Malkier sent her soothing feelings, hoping it would calm her, then nodded as a sign that he understood the message. Carefully, he lowered his body again, though he ensured he wouldn't crush her beneath him."Turn around, Alanna." Moiraine's voice was as cold as ice."Come on, Moiraine. You can't expect me to- ""Turn around!"Grumbling, the Green Sister threw one last longing look at Lan's butt, then obeyed. She mumbled something inaudible."What do you want here?""I have to talk to a tent?""What do you want here?"Alanna sighed overdramatic, but gave up. "We need to talk. Perhaps Lan could-""Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Moiraine interrupted her harshly. "You don't mind his presence. You just want to get a better look at the rest of him.""I need to talk to my fellow Sister and-""Lan stays."Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier pressed his lips to the scar on his bondholder's chest. Moiraine was pissed and terribly ashamed of the entire situation, so she tried to hide it by snapping at her friend. But Lan felt the raging storm inside her. Soothingly, his fingers rubbed circles on her skin. At first, it seemed like it wouldn't work, but then the tension left Moiraine's body, so Lan continued while she talked to their guest."We need to talk about Logain.""What about him?" Moiraine's fingers pulled at the towel, which was stuck underneath her, probably to cover Lan and herself. But the fabric didn't move."We can't continue like this. We need a new plan to deal with his countless attempts to run from us.""I'm sure Liandrin already has a plan. You don't need me for that."Growling, Alanna faced the naked pair again. "You're an Aes Sedai, Moiraine, and you travel with us for now. The least you could do is to help me with our Red Sisters.""Turn around!"This time, the Green Sister didn't obey. Instead, she even stepped closer. "Stand up and come with me.""Leave, Alanna!"Lan felt how the situation quickly turned sideways. How could he help to calm the flared tempers?"I understand how desperately we all need a distraction, and believe me, I know there is no better distraction than letting your Warder take care of you." Alanna's eyes found the Malkieri's butt again, and the lust returned to them. Murmuring, she added, "Especially, when you have such a delicious distraction already lying between your legs."Suddenly, the uncrowned king of Malkier felt how the Cairhien woman opened herself to Saidar and moved her hands behind his back. What was she doing?"I said…."The sound of water echoed in Lan's ear. Surprised, he lifted his head, searching for the source until he saw the water from the bathtub floating over the wooden construct. Blood and ashes! Moiraine didn't intent to…"You shall leave!"Alanna's eyes widened when the water cloud moved toward her. Shocked, she stumbled backward toward the entrance of the tent. "Moiraine. Stop that."This time, it was the woman of the Blue Ajah who didn't listen. Slowly, she pushed her Green Sister out of the tent by threatening her with the water."Moiraine!""You leave us. Now. Tell the others I decided not to join you and wish not to be disturbed tonight.""You-""And if you ever dare to look at my Warder again when he isn't wearing anything, you'll regret it."Angrily, Alanna glared at Moiraine. "There is nothing wrong with watching and hoping for the best. I'm a woman and can't ignore a handsome man when I see one." The water cloud closed in on the Green Sister. Shrieking, she fled the tent.Once the Green Sister was out of the tent and the water as well, Lan heard a loud splash and looked at Moiraine with big eyes. "Please, tell me you didn't….""You want to check on her?" The woman of the Blue Ajah asked sharply.The uncrowned king of Malkier thought about his next words. He did want to check if Moiraine had drenched Alanna but was sure his Aes Sedai wouldn't take it very well if he took a look outside. Sighing, he cupped her cheek. Sadly, the Cairhien woman was pissed and turned her head away."I guess we would be deaf by now if the water hit her."Moiraine huffed at his words yet didn't look at him. So, he needed a different approach if he wanted to pull her out of her bad mood. Gently, he pressed a kiss right behind her earlobe, feeling her shivering. Good. She was still reacting to him.Slowly, Lan kissed his way down her throat to her shoulder when she finally tried to push him off her. "I think I'd like to get dressed now."Confused, the Warder furrowed his forehead. What was she talking about? "Wasn't it you who said that I'm warmer than your nightgown?""Well, and now I changed my mind. Get up."The big man didn't move an inch. "What if I don't?"Moiraine growled angrily. "Lan, don't play with me. I'm not in the mood for it. Get up."Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier made himself as heavy as possible. "No.""No?" The Aes Sedai couldn't believe what she heard. "What do you mean with 'No'?""I like it to feel you. I don't want to leave." Again, Lan's lips found the scar on Moiraine's shoulder. Would he ever be able to get rid of those images? "So, what now? Will you use the rest of the water from the bathtub to drench me?""Don't tempt me," Moiraine growled, but it didn't work. "I want to put on a nightgown."Her attempts to push him off her were cute. "No, you want to get rid of me."Lan realized she was close to crying, so he pressed his forehead against the side of her head and simply held her in his arms while sending his love through the bond.Slowly, the Cairhien woman stopped fighting. Instead, she held the Malkieri closer to her. After a few minutes of silence, Moiraine was finally ready to talk again."They all will think that we bed each other." Her voice was thick with unshed tears."Isn't that what everyone believes when an Aes Sedai bonds a Warder?" The uncrowned king of Malkier asked softly."But until now, they simply assumed." Moiraine was clearly not liking the thought. "Now, Alanna will tell everyone what she has seen and confirms everyone's suspicion."Lan doubted that it was the real reason why Moiraine was upset. She had never cared about what the other Aes Sedai thought about her. "Are you really worried about what your sisters think of us or about what she will think once she hears Alanna's tale?"There was no need to explain who SHE was. The tent wasn't shielded, so they couldn't talk about Siuan openly. Yet, they both knew who the Malkieri was talking about. And since the Cairhien woman stiffened at his words, the man from the Borderlands had hit home.Softly, he said, "She knows the truth, Moiraine.""What if she-?""She knows the truth," the uncrowned king of Malkier interrupted her. "There had been countless rumors over the years. And she didn't believe one of them, did she?"Quietly, Moiraine shook her head slightly. Satisfied, the Malkieri smiled. "And she won't believe that one either. She is a smart woman."Finally, a small smile appeared on the Aes Sedai's lips. The Warder decided to change the subject before she continued to think about it too much. "Do you intend to leave the puddle outside our tent?""Would you rather have it inside?" Moiraine asked in a mocking tone.She shrieked when Lan started to tickle her instead of answering her. He stopped once she needed air to breathe, though she couldn't stop laughing. "I would not, thank you very much." Sighing, he shook his head. "I just wonder if it's a good idea to leave it out there.""I like to think of it as a warning for my sisters not to disturb me again."Lan chuckled, understanding that intention. He wouldn't mind not being disturbed tonight, either. He just wanted to hold Moiraine in his arms until she had enough of him. They rarely had a moment to themselves, and after everything that had happened lately, he enjoyed that moment.Hesitantly, Moiraine's hands found his tensed shoulders again, kneading them softly. "I could use the One Power to- ""No channeling," the Malkieri interrupted her. "I have everything I need right here in my arms. Forget about my shoulders."A wave of warmth, love, and admiration rolled through the bond and warmed the uncrowned king of Malkier. He wasn't the only one who enjoyed the close contact. Carefully, he ensured not to crush Moiraine beneath him while keeping her warm with his body. Soon, he would have to get their clothes and probably a blanket.If he was lucky, Moiraine would allow him to hold her while she was asleep. There was nothing more calming to him than the calm breathes of his Aes Sedai, her warm body pressed against him, and her scent surrounding him.