Work Text
English isn't my first language, grammar mistakes could be common here.This will mostly follow the trajectory of Twilight's first book, a lot of the characters will also be from Twilight, but others will be people from Karlie's/Taylor's life.
This is obviously a work of fiction, and not an accurate portrail of the real life people I will be mentioning.
The aspects of vampirism will not be fully taken from the Twilight books. Werewolves and other supernatural creatures might be mentioned throughout the story.Originally posted on Wattpad.
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Karlie's POV
The sun was the one element that helped her channel her true self even in her darkest moments.It was the one constant that kept her grounded and made her feel at home. The heat and sweat didn't make her want to crawl out of her skin as it often did to the people around her when a particular summer was hotter than usual. She loved the feeling and the smell of sunscreen on her arms. She loved the early sunsets and sleeping in her underwear without covers.She loved her mom. She loved her friends at school. She loved being the tallest girl in her basketball team, the tallest girl in her ballet classes. She loved that she and her friends were the tallest people everywhere. And she can't lie, she loved being popular.Her routine was simple and methodical. She never had problems following the rules. She loved rules. Loved being praised for not circling around them, and exceeding expectations. She was focused. It wasn't hard, you see, when you keep yourself in check.She woke up every day at 5 AM sharp, went hiking for an hour, came back home and meditated for 30 minutes after her shower, made breakfast for herself, her mother and her mother's boyfriend (well... sometimes they helped), prepared for her classes, did her make-up and hair. She took the bus because it was too hot to bike to school. That was the one and only instance where the sun and its heat were sort of an inconvenience. But truly, she didn't mind riding the bus.She had ballet on Tuesdays, ball practices on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and she did tutoring after class on Thursdays. She babysat the neighbors' little kid most Saturdays. She went to church on Sunday mornings with her mom, and sang in the church's choir. In her free time, she studied and went out with her friends.She'd never had a relationship in her life but had shared kisses with three boys and one girl: Jim, in the first grade, too much saliva; Paul, freshman year, tried to get to second base so she stopped it, being too self-conscious about her chest; George, two months ago, who she actually let get to second base; and Cara, her best friend, when they were having a sleepover last year. She enjoyed Cara's kiss the most, but didn't think about it too much.Her relationship with her mom was the best thing about her life. Her mom was perfect in her eyes. She was an artist, impulsive and extremely talented, a true professional chameleon. Karlie liked to think she was just as versatile but she knew that wasn't true. Her mom was everything she aspired to be.Well, she still is. Everything else isn't.She's won't be living in Phoenix anymore. She won't have the same routine anymore. She won't see her mom everyday anymore. She won't see Cara every day. God, she won't even see the sun everyday.Karlie's trying to deal with the fact that her entire life is going to change and she technically doesn't even have a say in it.If she says she wants to stay then she's ruining her mother's happiness. It's just for a year. So, no big deal, she thinks. Nevertheless, a lot can change in a year. Cara and Jaime will surely make new friends. She's leaving everything behind for a while, and she can't just freeze people in time so they can wait for her to come back.She keeps thinking about how different everything could be once she returns, and how unaccustomed to change she is. She pretends to be taking this lightly, but deep inside there's a voice that says she can still beg them to wait until she finishes high school, and then, after she finally goes off to college, they can do whatever they want.But they can't put their lives on hold for her. And she can't stay alone in Phoenix. So, she's going to spend a year with her dad in a city that rains in 212 out of the 365 days of the year. This is a change so completely out of the blue, she had never thought this was a possibility or a plausible scenario in any way. But then Phil materialized in her mom's life, and now it's happening. She doesn't hate him; he's great. This isn't.Packing was a dreadful experience. Ninety percent of her clothing couldn't be taken with her, and ninety percent of her stuff would be in a storage facility for when they came back. They would sell the house, but her mother promised that once they came back she would find some place closer to school so she could bike or even walk to class.Even with her trying to hide it, her mom can still feel her sadness. She keeps assuring Karlie that it is temporary and they were only doing it so they would live a better life when they returned. However, Karlie likes her life as it is. She can't fully comprehend it. Her mom clearly wants more for herself. Karlie feels useless, knowing this isn't about her, but accepting deep inside herself that she will never be enough for her mother.She is so sad, and it's all she can think about. Saying goodbye (for now, they remind her) almost makes her change her mind about pretending it isn't a big deal. She cries, but only when she's on the plane. The air feels colder somehow, even before the take off.Charlie's silhouette leaning against his cop car is the next thing Karlie remembers seeing. The entire trip was a blur. However, she doesn't want him to know how depressed she feels, so she gives him the biggest smile she can under the circumstances."Hey kid", he says, hugs her, kisses her hair. She gets her tall genes from her dad."Hi, dad", Karlie says, fake smile still on. "You seem well." He really did. His face was rounder; he looked much healthier.Charlie went through some bad times after the divorce. He's been struggling with an eating disorder ever since, but didn't take it seriously until 2 years prior, when he started dating his current girlfriend, Sue. Karlie wonders why they don't live together yet, but the one good thing she can manage to think about this place is that she won't be living with a couple for a while. People can be very disgusting when they are in love. Especially older people.Charlie drives her to a mall so they can buy her new, warmer clothing. At first, Karlie refuses to acknowledge how cold she is. If she closes her eyes and leans toward the car's heater, she can pretend she's still at home.Charlie wants her to engage, though. He's normally not this talkative, but it has been a while since they saw each other."Sue will be making us dinner tonight. She won't believe how much taller you are now.""It's only been a year, dad.""You know, you won't stop growing until you're 20, right?"Karlie laughs drily."I think I've had enough growing to last me a lifetime.""Well, it's not up to you."Karlie wanted leave as soon as she saw the very few store options they had at the mall. But she did the best she could. She bought jeans, sweatpants, sweaters and coats. She figured she could use the boots and the jewelry she already owned to make them look...cooler. She bought some leather pieces too, which she could never really wear back at home. Some cute hats and gloves. It wasn't so bad. And she didn't overspend.Back in the car, Charlie asks her about her life in Phoenix, and that makes her sad again. She tries her hardest to play it cool, but he clearly senses her mood has changed."I know you probably can't wait 'til you get back, but I want you to be happy here," he says, anxiously. And Karlie immediately feels bad."I know, I'm sure I'll be," she lies. It will be quite impossible for her to be completely happy in Forks, and she knows it. "It's just that- It all feels a little...bittersweet right now." She doesn't want him to think this is about him. It's about this place, the people she won't see, and the things she won't get to do.Charlie squeezes her shoulder for a moment and Karlie wants to cry (again) but doesn't.Charlie's home looks the same as she remembers. Small, simple, comfortable. The neighborhood has not changed too much; and neither has Sue, who comes out to greet them as soon as Charlie parks the car. Karlie hugs her, and she feels a little better knowing she'll have a female presence often here, guessing she won't make many friends in her new school.Dinner is delicious, and Karlie tries her best to seem as enthusiastic as Charlie and Sue. Initially, they don't ask about her life in Phoenix, but instead are curious about her future, and what she wants to pursue in college. She feels more comfortable talking about that, and her dad's more supportive than she thought he would be when she said she wanted to become a fashion designer."The look on her face when she saw the clothing stores they have in Port Angeles," Charlie tells Sue, chuckling.Karlie feels her cheeks warm up. She hadn't meant to seem pretentious, but clothing... It's not everything, of course, but it's her thing.Sue then asks her about her mom and her friends back home but Karlie quickly changes the subject. If she pretends she isn't leaving anything behind then maybe this day will end faster.Tomorrow will be better, she tells herself and sighs quietly as her father and Sue do the dishes together. She can sense their love and intimacy in every word they share. She doesn't normally ache for romantic love in the same way girls her age do, but right now she's particularly lonely and wishes she had someone to fall into, to share her feelings, to open up her heart, wide and without fear. She doesn't give this idea much more thought than that, seeing it would be impossible to find someone here, or even back in Phoenix. Boys her age just bored her. Her mother told her they get better once they're in college, but she doubts it.Karlie yawns without meaning to. This gets Sue's attention and she tells her that her old room is clean and ready for her, if she's already too tired. Karlie nods. Charlie approaches her and kisses her forehead, says goodnight.She climbs up the stairs, defeated. Her feet seem like they don't want to carry her anymore. She takes a shower and cries as soon as the hot water hits her cheeks. She's never been this sad, she's sure. There were problems worse than this, but Karlie's life has never been too difficult. She's privileged enough for it to feel unusual.
Coming out of the shower into the cold air is simply awful. She hates it, hates it. She hates this torment of green and cold, she hates this mess of a place.She barely sleeps through the night. It rains for the entirety of it, and the sound only gets quieter once the morning light hits her face through the blinds.She tries to meditate. Fails. Maybe if she went out for a walk... No. It's too humid and wet out there, disgusting. She starts going through her clothes, unpacking a little bit as she searches for a combination of pieces for her first day of school at the Green Hell High School, or whatever it was called.She picks a simple pair of jeans, black combat boots, a black and white striped sweater, and a long, oversized denim jacket. She puts on the cross necklace her mother gave her - she's not as religious as Renée wishes she was, but the necklace reminds her of her mom, and she finds comfort in that.She goes downstairs for breakfast and realizes Sue's no longer there; she has not spent the night. Charlie was already up. He made her coffee, eggs and toast. He still seemed to be in a good mood."Morning, dad.""Good morning, kid. Did you sleep well?""Yeah," a lie, obviously. Will she ever be able to have a good night of sleep here, when it constantly rained so loudly? She was never this aware of the sound when she came here to spend a couple of weeks every year on her school break. But that's because every time she came, she knew she'd be leaving soon. Now, she'd just have to suck it up and get used to it.
Charlie's determined to make her feel better."I have a surprise for you," he says, with a small smile."Oh," she looks up at him, intently. Oh.
"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" La Push is the Indian reservation on the coast. Going down to see Billy, Harry and their kids was frequently part of her plans when she was here on vacation. She remembers how much fun she used to have with the Clearwater kids. She hasn't been there since Harry passed away, almost four years ago.
She's pretty sure they don't go to school in Forks, though. She holds back a sigh. Her year would definitely be better if she already had someone familiar to hang out with. Although, Leah was a year older, Jacob was two years younger, and Seth probably wasn't in high school yet. They wouldn't be classmates, anyway."Yeah, how is he? And Jacob? The twins?" Jacob has older twin sisters that Karlie has met briefly on her visits. They wouldn't hang out with the four of them - Leah, Karlie and the two boys - too much. She thought Leah was really cool for staying with the younger kids. Now that she thought about it, she really had the babysitter role, in the end. Maybe she didn't have a say in it, Karlie considered. Maybe her mom made her do it. She reminisces a bit, thinks of the flow of Leah's long dark hair, the lovely pull of her smile. She talked about some Sam person a lot. A boy she liked.Charlie explains Billy's in a wheelchair now, due to complications with his diabetes. He doesn't mention Jacob or the Clearwater kids, and she means to ask, but then she hears the roar of a vehicle pulling over on their driveway next to Charlie's car.
She looks through the window to see an older version of the Leah Clearwater from her previous thoughts on the driver seat of an old, orange colored (she guessed it was red when it was new, the brightness of the color fading with time) truck. On the passenger seat was Jacob Black; who was a taller, nearly grown young man now. Karlie gasps slightly at the sight of them. She smiles, and Leah catches her eye, gesturing for her to come out to meet them.
Charlie laughs at her reaction and follows her outside.
She greets them with a hug, feeling truly happy for the first time in days.
"Oh, my God, Karlie! You're almost as tall as Jacob!" Leah says during their embrace. Her hair smells of peppermint, and Karlie has to bend down a little to hug her properly.
"Yeah, almost," Jacob chuckles, his voice laced with the changes of puberty. They hug and Karlie is blown away by his strength.
"How the- How old are you now, man?" The both of them laugh."I'm fifteen.""What?" She looks at her dad, incredulous. He nods, also laughing. "That's not true! That cannot be true.""Get over it, Kloss."He's built like a grown man. Actually bigger than the usual grown man.She looks at her dad again for affirmation. He pats her shoulder, agreeing with Jacob. She shakes her head, chuckles."Well, Karls, there's your surprise," he motions toward the truck.
"Wait, what?"
"It's yours. Just bought it yesterday from Billy, he made it a real good deal," he smiles. Karlie was saving up to buy herself a car since she got her license last year. But this was better. God, way better! The car seemed old - older than it should be allowed. But it had personality, it was different, and she was drawn to things that didn't fit in.
"We've done a lot of work on the engine; the carcass is pretty much the only thing that hasn't been touched. This thing will outlive you and your kids," Jacob explains as Karlie further examines the orange beast. "Well... just don't go over the speed limit too much, and you'll be fine.""That is so cool," Karlie's smile is big and she enjoys it as her mood is momentarily lifted. She gets inside, inhales the deep scent of gasoline, plays around with the steering wheel. "Do you guys need a ride to school?"
"No, it's alright, we go to school at the reservation," Leah confirms Karlie's theory. "Sam's coming to pick us up, we're just here to drop your present."Karlie nods once, taken aback by the mention of Sam. She remembers she was quite scared of him and his friends. But, well, she's older now. There's nothing to be scared of.
As if he knew he was spoken of, Sam drives into the street, calling for the two Quileute kids' attention.
"There he is," Jacob says and smiles apologetically as if he wanted to stay longer.Sam's black truck stops by Charlie's house, and he looks at Karlie from the driver's seat, surprised by her height just like everyone else."Hey, kid. You're so much taller than I remember," he seems friendly enough."Hey," she waves politely. She wasn't close to him back when they were children, so she doesn't know what else to say."We gotta go, or else we'll be late," Leah says with a somber expression. "Kar, don't be a stranger, okay? Mom comes here way too often. You gotta come down more, Charlie."Charlie nods, embarrassed.Sue is Harry's widow, Leah and Seth's mother. So, technically, the Clearwaters are family now, too."Promise you'll call, Karlie," she asks."I will," Karlie promises. They say their goodbyes. Leah gets in the front seat and laughs at something Sam says. They wave at her and Sam drives off."I'm going to go fishing this weekend, I can drop you off at Billy's, if you want. All the kids hang out there. Or we could all go to La Push.""Sure," She mumbles happily. At least now she has something to look forward to.
They go back inside to finish their breakfast. Charlie leaves before she does. She procrastinates a bit, until there's no postponing it. The school is not hard to find. Like most other things, it's just off the highway. It is very different from Karlie's old school - the buildings are smaller, looking almost like apartments instead of an institution. She parks as soon as she sees a sign referencing the front office.After being stared at for at least five whole seconds, Karlie gets her schedule and a map of the school from the secretary. She was nice after the initial surprise Karlie had imposed on her. She knew she would stand out here - being tall and tan like she was. In a few weeks, the color of her skin will fade from the lack of sun exposure, and she'll surely look like most of the people here.
Once she finds the cafeteria, it's easy to figure out how the school is structured. She locates her first classroom, no problem. The teacher introduces her to class and she waves at the other students slightly, trying to seem nice but feeling extremely bored of it all already.She sits next to a curly-haired girl, who wears blue eyeliner and a Depeche Mode t-shirt.The English teacher is preparing his material as Karlie opens her backpack to get her notebook."You must hate this," the girl next to her says.Karlie looks at her with a raised brow.
"Having to introduce yourself at every class, although everyone here already knows your name and your family history," she explains.
"It's my first class-" she starts but the girl interrupts her."By the end of the day, you'll be exhausted."She look away, sighs."Probably," she concedes."We've been working on George Orwell's 1984," good, she's already read that. "I'm Lorde."Karlie stares back at her, puzzled."As in... Jesus?""As in me," the teacher starts addressing the class, and they fall silent. Karlie opens her notebook, the same one she's been using for her English classes back home, she figured she'd need it. The girl's right hand reaches toward the empty sheet in front of Karlie. She then writes down:
L-O-R-D-E.
Creative, she gives her that.Nice to meet you, Karlie writes down under her name.When the first bell rings, Lorde asks her what her next class is. She pulls out her schedule and turns out they only have English together.
A tall, dark-haired boy approaches her as she's grabbing her jacket from the hanger. Lorde seems to have disappeared into thin air."You're Karlie Kloss, aren't you?""Yeah," everyone standing around them turn to look at Karlie.
"I'm Joshua- Uh, Josh," He says, hand on the back of his neck, cheeks colored crimson. "What's your next class?""Geometry, building six.""That's my next class, too." He sounds surprised. "I can show you the way.""Sure," she probably didn't need help with that, but sure."That's a cool name you have," he comments.
"Oh. Thanks," she chuckles a bit.
"Sounds like a famous person's name. Karlie Kloss," he exaggerates the pronunciation of every syllable. She kind of wants to dig a hole on the ground and hide in it. "You even look famous."He's trying too hard, and it's getting on her nerves a bit. That's the thing with guys, they're always...pushy. And clueless. In her experience, at least."How so?" She asks.He looks her up and down, blushes."You just do."She thanks him when they arrive at the classroom; it is only polite. But she's thankful he doesn't sit next to her. She doesn't want to feel him gawking at her the entire time.The next few classes pass in the same fashion. Some people would speak to her, but she was mostly being stared at. People seem to be intimidated by her, and that makes her want to laugh.
Heading to the cafeteria, she wonders if she'll sit alone or pick one of the people that had approached her throughout the morning and ask to sit with them. She's buying herself a slice of pizza when she spots Lorde with an e sitting with another kid at one of the smallest tables. She decides that's her best choice of friends for now.
As she makes her way towards them, the kid next to Lorde looks at her in awe, sitting lazily with his legs crossed, holding his chin up with his knuckles. She stops next to the empty chair on Lorde's right side."Can I sit here?""Oh, my God, Lorde, I can't believe you're already friends with the most popular girl in school," the boy says, his voice soothing and feminine.
"Karlie Kloss," Lorde announces."Karlie Kloss," the boy repeats, saying it almost exactly like the boy from her Geometry class.They're so annoying. Perfect.
She takes their ironic commentary as a yes, and sits down, already having some of her pizza. She looks around and sees Geometry Boy eyeing her from a table full of people on the other side of the room. Lorde's friend looks at that same direction."Poor thing, already stalked by our conservative king, Joshua Kushner," he smiles. "He wouldn't shut up about you in gym."Karlie can't help but groan. Both the kids she's sitting with don't even look at her direction, as if they've had this conversation a million times. She already feels like she can be honest with them. Their bond was, inexplicably, almost instant."I'm Derek," the boy finally says, raising his hand to shake hers. Karlie mumbles a nice to meet you with a mouthful of pizza. She grabs his hand, but only after realizes there was a bit ketchup on her index finger."Oh, a blood pact already," he jokes."Why sit with the peasants, supermodel?" Lorde asks, her tone light. She's drawing on a notebook in front of her, but Karlie can't make out what it is; Lorde's long, dark hair covering most of it."Should I go sit with your conservative king, Joshua Kush?""Kushner.""Whatever," she takes another bite of her pizza. Derek stares at her for a moment, then smiles."Ah, I like her," he says to Lorde.Karlie holds back a smile.
She considers her day so far: mostly dull, with the exception of these nerds she already selfishly decided she'd be friends with. She doesn't feel as sad as she was earlier, she admits to herself. Not after the gift her father gave her, seeing Leah and Jacob, and now seemingly making new, weird friends, in this new, weird place.It was there, making snorty remarks about Geometry Boy with two of the most ironic people she's ever met, that Karlie first saw them.
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Karlie's POV
There were four of them. Two boys, two girls. The tallest boy walked in first, rushing through the cafeteria almost unhuman-like. Karlie blinked, trying to keep up. He had bronze colored hair, extremely pale skin and dark eyes. A brown-skinned boy followed behind, in silence. He had the most beautiful hair Karlie has ever seen. Curly, shiny; extremely soft looking. His skin looked quite wrong, however. As if it lost some of its brightness, like he was sick.
The two girls passed by then, so her attention shifted. One white – pale, so pale, and tall, but not taller than Karlie; the other had a slightly darker, olive skin tone and was smaller. They both were unimaginably beautiful. It was almost baffling to watch them move. The first one ran her hand through her blonde, curly hair, and Karlie swears she could smell it in the air; an intoxicating scent she can't quite describe. The second girl's hair was perfectly wavy, long, falling over her shoulders like a dark waterfall.
They all sat at the far left of the cafeteria, away from most of the other students.
Karlie's in a daze. She doesn't know why she can't stop staring at them, like a weirdo. She just can't believe they're real. There's no way people can be this beautiful.Lorde's laugh interrupts her thoughts."Girl, pick your jaw off the floor," Derek says, and Lorde's laugh grows stronger. She even stops drawing.
Karlie can feel herself blush for being caught staring, but she shakes her head and puts out an indifferent, strong front. A "humpf" comes out of her lips, then goes back to eating like nothing had happened."I wish one of them had seen you staring like that," Lorde says, still recovering from her laughing fit. "They would have made you regret it immediately."Karlie furrows her brows."What? How?" She looks back at their table and the bronze haired boy is staring right at her, as if he was waiting for it. The look on his face is the explanation she had asked for. He looks angry. She adverts her eyes. "What the f..." She murmurs."Yeah, they're like this with everybody," Lorde has clearly seen the interaction. "They're kind of a...separated group.""I actually tried making friends with them when they first got here, but they're just...closed off. They're even worse than Josh's group, trust me. Thinking they're better than everyone," Derek's mood seems to change slightly. Karlie wonders what they had done for him to feel this way. Yes, she'd just met him, but Derek really doesn't seem the type to get riled up easily."Taylor - the blonde one," Lorde says. "Is the actual devil, I swear. Don't be too caught up in how hot they are, you have no idea how egocentric...and just- I don't know," she shakes her head, as if to make a specific thought go away.
Karlie is kind of annoyed at their half explanations, but she won't pressure them into talking about situations they're uncomfortable with. And it is clear those guys are removed from the general social dynamic. They're not underdogs, though. They choose to be this way. That is noticeable, even for a newcomer.But then again, Karlie can't help but look back at their table, now searching for a head of golden hair. The girl – Taylor, isn't looking at her like the first boy was. She seems to be engrossed in a conversation with the brunette sitting next to her."Are they all siblings? They don't look alike," They are similar in the way they all are extremely beautiful, I mean holy crap... But they don't look like family. Karlie gives them another quick look, and objectly evaluates: No, not like family."They're foster siblings. Well, Edward – the tallest boy, Taylor and Selena are. Jasper is emancipated – he lives alone and everything. The other three are Doctor and Mrs. Cullen's kids," Lorde explains."You said they are closed off – then how come Jasper isn't family and gets to hang out with them?" Karlie asks. He fits in perfectly with the rest of them. Maybe they met him at some beautiful people event. Karlie had done modeling as a kid and her best friend was a model but oh, my God, these people were on another level."Oh, he's Edward's boyfriend," Derek says. "There are rumors Edward is living with him now. I swear to God, they have the best parents ever; I lost count of how many times they all skipped class so they could travel and shit. They're swimming in cash. Jasper too. He probably has a bottomless trust fund. His parents are European," Derek says, and sighs. His interest in Jasper is vibrant.Huh. This very small town has an out, gay teen couple that lives together.The one (out) gay kid in Karlie's school back home was constantly showing up with "inexplicable" bruises - and one time even a black eye - to class. Karlie remembers tending to a bleeding ankle of his, last year. She wanted to help, but he refused to point fingers, to answer any of her questions. His parents were ignored in church, treated as outsiders. Fork's not even half the size of Phoenix. She can't imagine people here being much more different than that.However, she recalls Edward's expression when their eyes met. She can't picture anyone trying to mess up with him, either. Maybe that was why they all kept their distance and that violent front - so no one would dare to approach the couple."Why they'd choose to live in this hellhole is beyond me," Lorde comments quietly after a moment, to herself more than to anyone. Karlie strongly agrees.She wants to know more: Where did they come from? How long are they planning on staying? Are they professional models? 'Cause if they aren't that infuriates me more, actually. You said their dad was a doctor? Will they really skin me alive if I attempt conversation? But lunch time is over. She takes the last bite of her pizza and watches the four of them leave the cafeteria, still in awe."What's your next class, supermodel?" Derek asks her. Ha. Supermodel. In Phoenix, maybe. She would have never guessed how high the stakes for "supermodel" were in this tiny, remote, quiet town.She's taller than the brooding, angry Edward, though. And taller than the blonde. At least she had that."Biology," she answers after checking her schedule."Mine, too," Derek says and Karlie is thankful they won't part ways yet.Lorde sets off on her path to her next class, but not before saying something in Derek's ear. It takes a whole thirty seconds until Derek finally understands what she means, and laughs.
They walk in silence and Karlie's lost in thought, wondering why her nostrils are burning with a strange sensation. Like an itch. The more they walk, the stronger it becomes. She presses her index finger on the tip of her nose for a moment. They arrive at the classroom.Then, suddenly, Derek says:"Karlie, you're screwed.""Huh?""You'll see. Shit, I'm sorry," he says as they walk in.Karlie doesn't have enough time to process his words. Once they're inside, she realizes everyone's already taken their seats. They were clearly a little late, but the teacher hadn't started yet. Derek sits down next a girl in the front, with an apologetic look. She then understands what he had meant. Because after that, there's only one seat available.
Next to "the actual devil".Karlie gulps. She tries to pretend she's not intimidated.Holds her breath almost automatically. Looks at her feet as she walks.Her table is in the last row. Conversations stop and people turn to watch her as she moves to take her place down in line, next to the blonde. She sits down harshly, staring at her hands now, and exhales. Then breathes in.Fuck, there's that...scent again. Except it's stronger, so much stronger it fills her every sense. It takes her by surprise. Her entire face feels simultaneously absent and on fire.She had never done drugs but this certainly could be just as numbing as a dose of heroine. She doesn't feel right, like she's lost control of her lungs. What kind of perfume is that? She inhales again. Ah. It's definitely coming from the girl sitting next to her.It's excessively and utterly overwhelming.Karlie can faintly hear the teacher asking her to introduce herself. A little voice inside her head tells her to get up and leave; begs her to make up an illness and ask to be excused. She does not understand this reaction. She rises from her chair, tells them her name in the loudest voice she can manage, and sits down again. She feels her heart jump on her chest, feels the pumping of blood in her ears. Her cheeks must be burning red.What the hell, Karlie? She inhales again. Bad idea. Ah. Ah, shit. Her head starts spinning. She is certain she's sweating. Maybe she really is having some kind of episode. An anxiety attack? She should tell someone. She should get up and tell someone. But she can't, can't, can't take in another breath.Her mind feels clouded but cloudless. Her limbs weak but capable. She isn't sure she's blinking. Is she blinking?The anger is the only thing she can truly distinguish from the rest. This girl's bizarre perfume is probably making her have an alergic reaction or something. Why does she have to wear so much of it? When Karlie thought she could smell it in the cafeteria from across the room, she could really smell it all the way from across the fucking room.She finally turns to look at the blonde - stop calling her that. Taylor. She turns to look at Taylor with eyes burning with a wrath she did not fully comprehend.Taylor turns her head at the exact same time. It's strange how she can see the full movement of her golden hair, like the curly strands are moving in slow motion. It's curlier up close. Karlie subconsciously wonders what it looks like in the sunlight.They lock eyes. Hers, so clear. Almost disturbingly so. Grey. Not a single shred of color. But so bright. Blinding.Karlie then watches as Taylor looks deeply unsettled. Surprised - or impressed. Worried. But mostly shaken, shocked.She runs out of breath. Then inhales again, agaisnt her will.It is unbearable.She barely feels the fade away of her conciousness.-When she wakes up, the scent is gone. She's lying down on a cold, hard mattress, her
cheeks wet, a pool of tears staining the white sheets underneath. Had she been crying? She touches her cheeks, trying to understand why.Taylor's expression seems to be imprinted inside her mind. Her face burns against her palms. She wants to cry again, or keep crying, or whatever it is she was doing. Had she been sedated?Taylor's image appears again, igniting a strange flame in her thoughts. She exhales and shakes her head, trying to forget."Karlie, darling?" That startles Karlie, and her blurred eyes search for the source of the sweet voice.Once she finds focus she sees Sue sitting next to her on the bed, in her nurse uniform."Sue," she hears herself and notices she sounds relieved. She feels removed from reality. Her voice is hoarse, she sounds sick. Disgusting. What the hell happened to me?"Sweetheart, you're okay. You're alright," She cleans Karlie's cheeks with her fingertips softly. Karlie wants to say she doesn't need to be comforted. She feels ashamed. But when Sue hugs her, she just hugs her back and says nothing."What happened?" she asks when the older woman lets go of her shoulders. She clears her throat, and Sue offers her a glass of water. She takes it, drinks most of it in one gulp."You don't remember?" Karlie shakes her head. "You passed out in the middle of class."Karlie sighs. Because of that girl's disgusting perfume, she thinks."Your pressure dropped," She strokes Karlie cheeks worriedly. "Did you eat lunch?""Yes," Sue furrows her brows. Karlie stares at her suspicious expression for a moment, then scoffs in disbelief. "Yes, I did. I had a slice of pizza, you can ask-""Okay, okay, I believe you," Sue relents quickly. Too quickly for Karlie to believe it. She doesn't want her to think she has an eating disorder like her father. Not that there's any shame in that, but she has everything to be the stereotype. She is not.They hear heavy steps coming in the room."How is she doing, nurse Clearwater?" A soothing, male voice asks. Both women look up at the same time. Karlie doesn't need introductions. This is their dad. Her dad. She knows it immediately."Karlie, this is Doctor Cullen. He's gonna check on you, okay?" In Karlie's mind, Sue's tone isn't sweet anymore, but condescending. Like she's speaking to a twelve year old.She just nods. He introduces himself, absolutely perfect looking just like his children. He seems to be in his late 30s, blonde hair like hers, but the eyes are different - green. They had the same clear quality that made Karlie want to look away. She felt nauseous, remembering the overwhelming aroma.He examines her, does the flashlight in the eyes thing, just like in the movies. After he has asked her a bunch of questions, she decides on telling the truth:"I think it was the pizza I ate. Plus the girl I was sitting next to was wearing this really strong perfume so it just made me feel even more nauseous. I still feel like I could puke," Half the truth, then. The pizza was fine."Well, your pressure's back to normal, and I have no reason to believe you hurt your head when you fell, but we'll do some tests just to be sure-""Wait, Karlie," Sue interrupts, suddenly worried. "You're not..." Doctor Cullen and Karlie wait as she chokes on her words for a moment. "There's not a chance you could be pregnant, is there?""What? No!" Sue still looks unsure. "No, no, no! I swear to you, that'd be impossible." Karlie laughs loudly. I can't believe this day, she thinks. She is definitely mad at Sue now.She sighs and chuckles again, wishing she could scream."Okay," Mcdreamy says, laughing along with Karlie, and he seems to believe her completely. Sue stares at him, emotionless. He returns the look for half a second then turns back to address the teenager, and they talk about the tests she'll have to do to make sure there's nothing wrong with her head.It takes them a couple of hours. Sue is with her every step of the way, and it is annoying instead of comforting. In this woman's perception she could be anorexic and pregnant. She thought they had a trusting relationship, considering it all. Karlie was never the irresponsible one; her mother was, her father was. She wasn't. She knows Sue worries, but she can't help but think she doesn't deserve these assumptions. Maybe she was being too much of a teenager.Well, Sue definitely saw her as an irresponsible one.Dr. Cullen comes back quickly with the results. There's nothing wrong with her. She wants to mention his daughter's perfume again, suggest it could have been an allergic reaction.But she wants to go home more (home to Phoenix; her father's home will have to do for now), so she doesn't say anything."Karlie, there isn't much more we can do for you here. The food poisoning isn't severe - You seem well enough to do your treatment at home. Stay hydrated, get some sleep, try not to eat anything too heavy. If you don't feel better in the next couple of days please come back for a reassessment," Dr. Cullen says."Will do," Karlie gives him a tired thumbs up and he smiles."Thank you, Doctor," there's finality in Sue's tone.-Explaining everything to Charlie and trying to calm him down wasn't as hard as Karlie had thought would be. Sue said she would be fine and so he believed Sue. Karlie turned her eyes away, because even that was too much intimacy for her to bear at this point.In the car, she allows herself to be annoyed again. She had missed the second half of her day at school, felt disgusting, sweaty, and like she could puke at any moment. Plus the general stab of humiliation she feels thinking of herself passing out in front of her classmates on her very first day at a new school. Passing out in front of her.She doesn't dare to remember what caused it, however. That'd be too much. She avoids the image in her mind once more.But, what even was that? Really. She should have told her doctor father about it. She should go to the principal tomorrow. She should tell Charlie. This girl is walking around wearing deadly perfume, dad! There must be some kind of law agaisnt it. I mean, it literally physically incapacitated Karlie. That must count for something, right?And Sue thinking she was pregnant, my God! I, the biggest virgin in the world, the one who refuses boys' attention constantly and daily. Even her old boyfriend, George, she had never truly liked. Kissing him wasn't all that bad, and it felt okay when he touched her breasts, but the thought of...everything that sex entailed...a boy just...being inside her...Thank God her dad had just parked the car. The general movement of the vehicle and the evil thoughts in her head made her vomit as soon as she opened the door.-The next day is better and worse.She had slept for about ten hours, waking up with a rested mind. Her stomach feels okay again. She eats breakfast under two pairs of watchful eyes, and tells them repeatedly she is well enough to go to class. Miraculously, she convinces them.When she arrives at school it's like she's famous (or got something on her face). Yesterday people were all over her, but today they are hardcore, overwhelming her with questions as soon as she steps out of her truck. When she sees Derek at the other side of the parking lot, she excuses herself and finds a way to get out of the mob of people that had formed around her.She runs to him, taps him on his shoulder. He has headphones in, she can hear a pop song playing. Madonna? He really should lower the volume - for his own sake."How did you know?" She asks, with a fake accusatory tone."Huh?" He removes one of his headphones."You said, "Karlie, you're screwed" right before I went inside and passed out. What are you, psychic?""I said, "Karlie, you're screwed" because I knew Evil Spawn was the only one who didn't have a biology partner and you'd have to sit with her. You're the one that chose to pass out to get out of it," he said, laughing."Hey! I didn't fake it, okay?""I'm not saying you faked it. Can't you pass out on demand like everyone else?" He jokes."If I could, I wouldn't have. Not there," Karlie sighs. They sit at a bench near the entrance. "How was it? How embarrassing was it?"Derek smiles at her, tilts his head."Not at all, honey. Mr. Banner cleared the room and called 911 as soon as you hit the floor. Most people didn't even see it. Just the Cullen girl and a couple other kids. I must say, there are rumors she poisoned your pizza - I may or may not know who started them-""What?""Lorde. Lorde started them."Karlie puts her head in between her legs. The reminder Taylor saw her pass out was enough to make her dizzy."Karlie, I swear it wasn't that bad. They sent us to another class room, no one even saw them getting you into the ambulance. We were all really worried, actually-""Ambulance?" There is no way no one saw that. Everyone must have seen. She must have seen it too. All of them looking out the window, Karlie in a gurney. Why is that image so goddamn embarrassing in her head?"Uh, yeah. What did you think happens when you call 911?" Derek chuckles. "But forget that, you should be worried about the rumors. The he said, she said. The gossip." He emphasizes the p.Karlie just waits, holding her chin with her knuckles."Some say Taylor pushed you and you hit your head, that she poisoned your pizza, etc - those are fun. The not so fun ones are about a pregnancy of fourteen weeks, drugs, and an eating disorder. Mostly about the pregnancy, actually. 99% about the pregnan-"Karlie groans. Why and how and why?"I promise you I'm trying to keep the Taylor ones going. She will pay for her crimes," he gives her a side hug. "You're not pregnant, are you?""No, Derek," she says in a monotone."What happened, then?"Karlie sighs. She wants to tell him the truth but she doesn't think he'll buy it. She doesn't mind any of the other stuff, but this one thing she does not want to get teased about. Plus, she doesn't want to say her name out loud."Food poisoning. I fried a rotten egg that morning," She'd blame the pizza like she did at the hospital, but she doesn't want the cafeteria workers getting in trouble over this stupid situation. "Make sure that story gets around okay?"Derek raises his eyebrows."Is that the real story?"She crosses her heart. "I swear."-By lunch time, everyone knows about the rotten egg story. Hopefully no one will start calling her Rotten Egg Karlie or something of the sort. Would that be just wonderful? The cherry on top of her already horrific last couple of days.She sits with Lorde with an e and Derek again. She's dressed all in black today. In honor of the death of Karlie's "good popularity". She's known these kids for two days. It worries her to wonder what they will be like by the end of the school year.She'll be leaving by then. She shouldn't forget that - They won't be seniors together, nor graduate together. They'll forget each other as soon as she leaves. They'll maybe try to keep contact for a while, then never see each other again. She remembers her friends back home and feels her heart ache; they haven't called her yet. It's been three days since she left and they still haven't called her.She sits there as Lorde explains the difference between good and bad popularity. Takes a bite of her apple - no heavy foods, the doctor said. Remembers how she had cried in her sleep after passing out. Wants to cry again. She knows if she allows herself to be sad, she will be.But then, they catch her eye.Just as yesterday, the two boys walk in first: Edward, then Jasper. She waits. Selena walks in.Then, no one.Karlie gets up from her seat, goes to the bathroom, locks herself in the first stall and cries.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Days pass. She blinks, a year has passed. Five years. She sees no difference, staring intently at her own reflection in the mirror. There will never be a difference, ever again.Her years as a newborn are tiring. Trying not to give in to her senses every time she pays too much attention to a blushing cheek or a pulsing neck is quite exhausting.Some people attract her more than others. Sometimes it's harder and suddenly she finds herself in a bed with a human. It isn't often - but that is enough to make her the black sheep of the family. It should be Jasper - and it would have been if Edward hadn't showed up.Now, she's the only one who keeps doing it monthly. The others (except Carlisle), once or twice a year. They make a day out of it. Like it's a holiday.I mean, c'mon, she is doing fine. Most of their species drink from humans weekly, some even
daily. Most kill the humans in the process.It is only "natural".She doesn't
want
to kill any humans - no, she should rephrase that: She wants to drain their blood, therefore killing them, but it is never her
intention
to materialize that desire. She doesn't kill them. Her entire family doesn't.Most of them have killed humans before. Carlisle and Taylor are the only ones who haven't. She's lived five years with this craving, but still hasn't taken a life. Not even in the beginning. Unlike the others, the first human she had fed from she also let escape, unharmed.There have been times where she came close, of course. Especially if they're having sex while she's attached to their neck. She can never be too distracted. Never use her full strength, never allow herself to be unfocused. Now, that is arduous. Especially when she's got a perfect girl underneath her, begging her to keep going, skin red everywhere she touches. She has left many humans bruised - has broken a guy's arm once, by accident.She
tries
not to hurt them but when she does, she heals them with her blood. And erases herself from their memory - not completely, just the, you know, blood sucking part.To be clear: she doesn't coerce them into bed; most of them jump on her lap as soon as she walks into a bar or a club. She only compells them not to be scared as she drinks from them. Says please, and thank you. It is only
polite. After all, it is their livelihood.
The sex is always mostly for their sake. Not that she doesn't enjoy it, but she needs to feel like they're getting something in return for, you know. It isn't healthy. Inherently, she is everything
but
that. There's nothing healthy, sane or normal about her existence.Most of them enjoy it, and think of it as just another casual night with a stranger that is surprisingly kinky. Because it doesn't hurt for them. Not if she does everything right. The bite is quick - like ripping off a bandage. They have too much adrenaline running through their veins to feel it. She counts the seconds as she feeds, forces herself to be deeply aware of their breathing. She always stops at the fifteen second mark. The venom on her fangs (Yep, she has those. She looks very cartoony when she has them out. Or at least she thinks so.) closes up the wound as soon as she stops. It's all very methodical.
She pretends there are no reasons for them to be scared. She has her rules. And she doesn't
want
to kill them (but then again, she does). There have been slip ups. One in particular that haunts her - the one night she drank too fast and the guy fell unconscious. Humans are
so
fragile. That's why she counts every second now.She is the strongest of those in her family, due to her feeding habits. Although, Jasper is the only one who truly minds the weakened powers. The others want to be human so bad she constantly catches one of them doing weird, human stuff; walking at human speed in the forest, eating free samples of human food at the mall, going to the pharmacy and buying band-aids.None of them chose this life. They were all made to make company to others, or made to strengthen a clan.Carlisle, the oldest, had been changed by a woman who came to be infatuated with him in his early years as a doctor in the 1600s. He had a family - a wife and daugher he had to leave so the woman, Elizabeth, wouldn't hurt them. He had kept an eye on them, in secret, until they died, making sure they had everything they needed, and then helped his decendants until they became too distant from his original family for him to recognize.He endured Elizabeth for a couple of decades until she fell for another human. Carlisle quickly bored her. She found his morals, his refusal to get near human blood and to use his compelling powers
irritating. He had wondered alone for two centuries when he finally met Jasper and Esme, in the Volturi clan.Jasper had been changed as a soldier for the clan battles for territory in the south. He, Selena and Edward have an intuition, as Carlisle calls it. An extra ability, besides compelling.Jasper can sense people's emotions. He had told Taylor, when they met, he sees them as colorful auras around people. Pretty cool, huh? Actually the lamest skill of the three. When you compare reading thoughts and seeing the future to visualizing colorful emotion clouds... There's no competition. But the Volturi still wanted him when he was found during one of their missions to keep "order".Esme had been changed by her ex-husband, who had been chosen to be part of the Volturi's guard. He felt he couldn't live without her, but was denied when requesting the clan's leader to have her "accompany him into immortality". He changed her anyway. Aro, the leader, killed him for his disobedience, but spared Esme, taking a liking to her.They keep in touch, Esme and Aro. Jasper sends him letters, too. More out of fear than anything else, Taylor thinks.The Volturi enforce the "laws", being the biggest clan when it comes to the number of
skillful members. Most of them were "special" and tracked other "special" vampires. Taylor uses a lot of quotation marks in her head when thinking about them. She really doesn't care about the entire game of who's the strongest, who's the most important, who's the most "special". She doesn't have enough regards for her own immortality to care.When Carlisle stayed with them and convinced Esme and Jasper it was possible to live a life free of human death, they were the laugh of the clan. They all left soon after, tired of being ostracized. Aro did not care - they were weaker for feeding on animals, so no one really cared. The Volturi were all about power.Carlisle and Esme were also mates, so Aro could not separate them even if he wanted to. After blood, mating was the biggest, most crucial thing about being a vampire. The main reason why vampires turned humans into other vampires. It was the reason why Taylor was changed, the reason why Edward was changed. There are some who don't believe the strength of the bond - like Carlisle's maker, and Esme's first husband. But it was very much considered a fact by most.It was explained to her, very early on, that a vampire cannot mate with a human. It is physically impossible for a human to feel the pull of the bond without the spell of immortality running through their veins. There can only be a mating bond if both individuals are changed.So, once in a while, an impatient vampire just goes insane and changes a lot of people in a short amount of time, searching for their mate. The Volturi have to intervene. It's one of the jobs they have given themselves. They just kill everybody, every time, even the newborns. Changing humans "illegally" is a dangerous game only played by bored, older vampires. The ones with a death wish.There are a selected few who are unbothered by the Volturi - the ones chosen to be responsible for keeping the species alive, or whatever. Plus, the scary thousand year olds who live underground, still deadly affected by sunlight. Now, they're what vampires are supposed to look like. Straight out of a human's nightmare or a horror film. The stories do not do to them justice; Taylor has seem one and they are disgusting, truly disturbing creatures. The ones made by the first spell. The ones who paid the price of immortality.The second generation of witches who created the magic that runs through Taylor's veins made sure she'd look like this forever. She, her family and most of her species will never pay that price. Or maybe they'll pay it in another way. Taylor thinks they should pay, but she's not sure how. Is there something worse than death? If so, they deserve it. They all do.When it comes to her family, Edward is the one who she has a harder time dealing with. They are two sides of the same coin - extremely different people who share similar stories.They were both changed by vampires who had mistaken them for a mate, then left aside for not corresponding to the expectations. Sometimes vampires get so obsessed with the idea of finding their mate, they think they are feeling a bond where there isn't one.Taylor's maker was a quirky, annoying man, who left her as soon as he realized he was wrong about their bond. Edward's pretended for longer. When a decade later the man met his real mate, Edward ran away, melancholic as ever. They both met Selena and Jasper at a coffee shop, by chance, coincidence, whatever it was.Selena was turned by her aunt, a witch. She was a modern original - changed without being bitten. There aren't many, because most witches are gone. Selena's aunt saw immortality as the biggest gift she could give her niece before she died, seeing the magical gene had skipped Selena's place in the family tree. She was old for a mortal, so the intensity of the spell killed her. Selena still blames herself.She started her new life being solely and completely guided by her visions. She was the youngest after Taylor, but older than her in human years. She technically didn't have to do the high school thing with them, being physically and emotionally twenty-one. But Forks was perfect for them, and she didn't want to miss out.Taylor remembers the day they met. She was wondering on the outskirts of
somewhere, she doesn't remember where she was at that point. Adam had just left her two weeks earlier, with no note, no money, and a dead human on the floor of their hotel room. She left the human at the nearest hospital, there was nothing else she could do.
She made it clear to him - she would drink but not kill. But he did, and a lot. In the five months he dragged her around the continental US he had killed enough to feed an army.She could do nothing but watch. He was older, definitely stronger. She already had a death wish but wouldn't give him the satisfaction of having her life handed on a silver platter. He liked vampire blood, too. Drank from her wrist every night. He was insatiable, but easily distracted.They had fucked a couple of times, right after she was changed. She first thought he was good in bed, and good looking in a obvious way, like all of them. But she quickly came to find he did not care for her. When she found out how old he really was, she wanted to puke. If she was human, she would have.In her first few weeks as a newborn, he almost brainwashed her into thinking she'd have to kill like him too, eventually. She came to her senses when he stopped being careful around her, and she saw a body fully drained of blood for the first time.That night, she tried to end it. Her life, if she can call it that. She tried every night for two months. She jumped off heights, tried to drown herself, bury herself alive, you name it. But nothing worked. Maybe it would've worked if someone else did it for her, but that could not be Adam. No, she would not give more of herself to him.It was a good thing when he left. But she felt nothing. She didn't know where to go. So, she just walked. Her body never got tired, she never broke a sweat. The only signs of the passage of time was the changing sky and her burning throat. When she left the woods to feed after two months of just moving herself foward, a coffee shop was the first thing she saw.She went in. Distracted and numb inside, she didn't catch their scent in the air. They were sitting in a booth, already expecting her. Selena had tenderness in her eyes, and hope. Edward seemed deeply worried. He was the first one to talk to her. Or of her."She's suicidal," he whispered to the other two.It was all very quick. They restrained her, then convinced her to stay. Explained Selena saw things and that she had seen a family, and Taylor was part of it. Not a clan, a
family.That word was what it took for her. She lost her parents before she could speak, lived in and out of orphanages her entire childhood, then escaped at seventeen, stole a car that belonged to one of the social workers at what would be the last facility she'd live in. But Adam got to her before the police could.When they found the car, they declared her missing. She remembers coming down from Adam's coercion once her tranformation had been completed, seeing her old face on TV, then the new one in the mirror. She looked so different. So, so different. She didn't have to worry about being recognized.A couple of weeks after they moved to Forks she found out she was presumed dead by the Pennsylvania State Police. Took 'em five years. She doesn't know why. She thinks maybe a specific person was looking for her, pressuring the police to keep the case open (her old english teacher, Mr. Johnson), but never lets that thought run wild in her head for too long. It's best for them if she's dead, anyway. Mr. Johnson or whoever they are.She is forever stuck in teenagedom. Never growing up, never moving foward. She didn't have a plan when she ran, didn't have a clue of what she'd do next. But this was worse. This life - it took everything she once was, or thought was.She was a good girl. Stealing that car was the worst thing she had done up until that point, and she hated herself for it, but she needed to leave. She was suffocating, and could not wait a day longer. She was a girl without a family and without a penny to her name, a girl broken by the system; but
good, nonetheless.Now, she hasn't taken a life but she still allows herself to be controled by her thirst, one way or the other. She is constantly making excuses.
I'm doing just fine. Most feed weekly. Most kill. I won't hurt them. If I just count the seconds they won't even feel it. It's okay for me to enjoy this. I'm not harming them. In fact, they are leaving happier than before they met me. If I keep myself in check this is a good experience for both parties. I'm in control.She isn't. Her thirst is. She can't give up human blood.And they wonder why she's suicidal.
Edward's constantly aware of her thoughts, her fantasies about death. It is
extremely
annoying. The others, he tries to ignore (he can't, but he still tries). Taylor, he watches. It's been four years of just... being watched over. Four years of quiet conversations, of suggestions, of attempts. Carlisle is almost done getting a degree in psychology just to try and help her. There aren't many professional psychologists that can understand the vampire experience, after all. He runs to New Hampshire to take his classes at Dartmouth every night. They already have daily talks, therapy sessions. However, Taylor is still not completely honest with him, which makes things difficult.
She just wants to tell him what he wants to hear. That she'll see the positive aspects of her existence, and try to remove herself from her
addiction. It's easy for them - Carlisle lives for Esme, Esme lives for him. Edward lives for Jasper, Jasper for Edward. Selena lives assured she'll find her mate somewhere in the near future. There's work and hobbies and other things, of course. Carlisle's work is
definitely worth it; but they can only be happy with who they are because their
addiction
makes them think they can be good. Because that's what mating is. Just another addiction.
"If that's the word we're using, yes," She's at one of her therapy sessions with Carlisle. They normally do this before she has to leave for school and he for work. Right at sunrise."Then, by that logic, we are doomed to be
addicted
to things."She nods."Aren't humans, as well? They have different addictions to different things. Some stronger than others. Some empower them, some take away their lives, take part of who they are. Don't you think we all have to live with it, in different ways?""There's no comparison. They aren't cheating death - cheating
nature, as a reward. They don't choose it," Talking often ignites her anger instead of calming her down."And have you?" He asks. It is obviously rethorical, so she stays silent for a moment. His tender eyes just observe her. She sighs."Carlisle-""Taylor, you know my story. You know I have been exactly where you are right now. You know I understand," he's using his serious voice. If she was human that'd make her sit up straight. "But there is good in this life. Even if it's something that is already wired into our systems. A feeling so pure-""Love," she scoffs. He nods, completely serious."If that was one of the reasons we were made for, then it is
good. There is good in our magic-""It's mostly wretched and revolting, though."He tilts his head. She smiles apologetically.
"It doesn't have to be," He pauses for a moment, and approaches her, reaching for a hug. She sighs, resting her head on his marble chest. "Selena said there could be something coming. Someone-"She backs away abruptly."Let's not start this discussion again, Carlisle. A relationship cannot be the only reason to keep someone alive. Yes, we're doomed to an existence of blood, and codependency," She scoffs for what if feels like the hundreth time today, and the day has barely started. "That's not love, that's sick. Just like the rest of it.""Okay," He says in a calming tone, and she instantly feels bad for raising her voice at him. He just wants to help. If only they could just work on her blood problem instead of always sidetracking the conversation to talk about the importance of soulmate-ism and love and rainbows and happiness and exclamation points... "You must go and get ready for your day. We'll start fresh tomorrow morning, what do you say?"She nods. They hug again."In the short period we have known each other I have come to care for you very deeply, Taylor. I wish to see you well. You have become an integral part of this family. I will do everything in my power to see that you find your happiness, wherever it may be."Sometimes she thinks going along with two gay guys, a centenary couple and the niece of a witch was a bad idea. 'Cause now she loves them. And wishes so much she could want to stay alive for them.She doesn't deserve it.When she gets in Edward's car, he doesn't say anything. Jasper immediately tenses in the front seat, so her sadness must be filling the entire car with a dark fog or something of the sort. At least Selena seems hopeful, sitting by her side. However, that's not unusual.Another thing about being a vampire - you learn a lot faster. So, since she had read every book in Carlisle's library (vampires have a lot of free time, too), anything that was said in her junior year classes wasn't too hard to understand. It was quite boring, actually, not having to make an effort.She blinks and it's lunch time. Time to prentend to eat. She brought one carrott today. Just one single carrott. She wonders if someone would notice and be brave enough to ask her about it."You're playing a dangerous game," Edward says, hiding the vegetable.
Give back my
carrott, you asshole!He just pretends he didn't hear her, looking straight foward. She follows his stare, finding the new human - new
student, just turning her head away, probably out of fear.The teens here have been expecting her for a week. She's the daughter of the chief of police. Mustache man. Carlisle is very fond of him. Every time Taylor sees him in town, though, the mustache is all she sees.
So, how scared of us is she already, Edward?
"Just enough," he mumbles, sharing a glance with Selena. Taylor rolls her eyes. They're always having their private conversations, and this time she is frankly not that interested in asking for context. If she could just have her carrot back..."Will you just stop?"
Do you mean me?
"Who else?"
It is my understanding you are comunicating with more than one person right now.
He stays silent."He needs that carrott for other purposes, T." Selena says. Taylor laughs loudly.Lunch time is over and Jasper gets up before the rest of them, walking away faster. Oh, right. He and Edward were having a fight right now. Something about their new house. Edward didn't want to live completely away from Esme, Carlisle and the two girls. But Jasper felt they needed some time alone, to discover themselves, yadda yadda. I mean, it seems like a big inconvenience having to leave the house every time they wanted to have sex.
Imagine never getting tired, or bored, but not being able to fuck your boyfriend any time you want...She listens for his tiny growl and holds back a smile. Taylor desperately wants Edward to leave. No more digging inside her head. Not so directly, at least.She's thinking about a life free of having her thoughts poked at when she feels someone sitting next to her. Normally, humans don't do that - she makes sure they don't, not at school. She wants to breathe in the scent, but she hasn't fed in weeks and this person is too close. She looks over quickly and sees it is the new student, who sitting very still for a human, staring straight ahead. Hasn't she been warned you just
don't
sit with the Cullens?She looks around and realizes there are no free seats, so she
had
to sit next to Taylor. Oh, okay. She won't bother her. Unless she tries to engage.The teacher, Mr. Banner, awkwardly asks her to introduce herself."I'm Karlie," is all she says.Without realizing, Taylor focuses on her heartbeat. Woah, she is nervous. Poor girl. Being the center of attention in such a sudden way must be hard. Taylor looks over again. She is blushing profusely.
Ah.The monster inside her brain starts begging her to take a breath.
You won't attack her in this room full of kids, of course you won't. Just do it real quick. If you feel you might hurt her Edward will know. But you won't, of course you won't.So, being the disgusting creature she is, she breathes in.The girl smells delicious. Just her type. Floral, sweet. She basks in her scent for a moment.
Maybe she can be the one this month. You'll have to erase her mind completely, though. You can't have her talking about your night together to people here. The more she breathes in, the more the monster begs.The girl's heart starts to beat even faster, if that's possible. Taylor means to look over quickly again, but the girl is turning to her too, so she decides she'll face her. Scare her a bit.They lock eyes.At that moment, she finally understands.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
It is not love; it is not as every person she has ever met described it to her. If she would try to describe it in this very moment - the first moment, she might say it's a sense of purpose, of
promise. Not belonging, not destiny. A direction. A constancy. The magic of immortality made not her duty to love this girl, but just a certainty that she would. She would love her one day. She does not love her now.It's funny that vampires older and wiser have failed to explain this correctly to her. It is so simple. It seems simple.She wonders what it could mean. Because if she feels this for a mortal there
must
be something wrong with her. She would even think this is her own mind playing tricks if she didn't feel so deeply calm and assured by her own sentiment. She pictures Selena feeling this exactly way with her visions, although they could never be this undoubtable. This is not her mind nor herself. It is the magic.It's also clear she has a choice to make. She did not anticipate this. Maybe it's too early to say, but she could still look the other way. She could ignore the bond. It would still be there, and it will still be certain, but this girl is
human. She would die someday soon. And Taylor had plans to leave this reality even sooner. If she didn't falter in her resolve, she could be gone before she even had to know her. Before she fell in love.She could break the bond.Oh, Edward must be having a field day with this. She wonders when Selena must have seen it coming. Both of them were already aware, it's clear now. All of their shared conspicuous looks and half conversations. They knew and didn't tell her so she wouldn't run the other way. Too bad. She did not have to go on with it, even now. She would find a way to go to the Volturi, find a crime to commit before her family could stop her. She would not make this innocent girl one of the many monsters walking this earth.It took a moment for Taylor to realize there was something wrong happening to the object of her attention - Karlie Kloss. What a strange name, so modern. Her father's surname sounded too odd to belong to an average chief of police of an average North American small town. Taylor thinks she might have heard some of the students saying her name starts with a K. She normally doesn't pay too much attention to the humans, so she could be mistaken.Nevertheless, let us say it is Karlie with a K, Kloss. How
notorious. Her name says enough. It says: This girl isn't supposed to be here.She's tall, tan, pretty. She belongs in California, or Florida, or Phoenix (Isn't that where she came from?). She belongs underneath a bright morning sunlight; looking over at tropical trees and feeling the light summer breeze on her face. Not here - no, here she stands out like a sore thumb. That's why the other students are so aware of her. Not only because she's new, but also because she simply does not belong.For a brief moment, Taylor wonders why the hell she would come here. Maybe her parents forced her. Maybe she did something bad and was sent to live with her father as punishment. She can't picture the girl actively making the decision to leave Phoenix to come live in this nothing place.Why are you here? Why?, are Taylor's exact thoughts when she notices the human next to her does not seem well. Oh, she is definitely not well. She seems like she's about to fall.She's passing out.Of course, she notices it faster than any of the humans around her. The girl's breath hitches, it stops for a moment too long. Her eyelids flutter, about to close. Taylor automatically reaches to her side very slightly, in an attempt to try to break her fall, but then collects herself. She cannot help. Not as fast as she'd like. Just after the fact, like a human would. It would not look good or normal if she catches the girl mid-fall.Or maybe it would? If she did it at the right speed and with the right movement?No, she can't attempt that. It's too dangerous. She doesn't know the reaction her body will have once they touch - mated vampires are mad for it, walking around in constant physical contact with one another. And she's thirsty enough as it is.So Taylor watches, in slow motion, as the girl loses consciousness and falls down on the floor. Every bone in her body screams for her to do something.
Help her, help her, help her.
She feels sick. However, she does nothing.The sound of the human's skull hitting the ground makes her flinch. It's painful and she blames herself for it. The magic
makes her
blame herself. So, this is how it's going to be, huh? She's going to feel responsible for this human, now? Continually mindful of her?
Bound
to her? She'll have to find a way out of this sooner than she thought. She cannot, in any circumstance, allow herself to be controlled by yet another vice.It takes the teacher way too long to notice what had happened. About five seconds. That's too long even for a human, right? It seems long. Some of the other humans notice it first. Gasps fill the room, but no one screams. Some people get up from their seats."Everyone stay where you are," Mr. Banner says, approaching the girl, who looked unnaturally pale. Taylor observes her for a moment. Brown hair splayed all across the floor, cheeks no longer colored crimson. High cheekbones, straight nose, soft lips. She then sees something shiny - a cross on her neck. She's religious, then. Taylor holds back a smile. How ironic. If she knew
hell
was staring right into her...And again, the question of why appears inside her head.
Why is she here? Why has she passed out? Why is this happening now? Why?Well, there is one thing she can do.She allows her hand to reach for her phone inside her pocket. Dials 911. Hands it to Mr. Banner. It takes him a while to respond, once again. Then, he finally mumbles a small
thank you
and starts talking to the operator.
Ten minutes, she hears them say. He gives back her phone. She's about to get up and leave when he tells the whole class to go stand in the hallway. She's the first one out the door.She walks into the nearest bathroom as fast as (humanly) possible. She feels Derek Blasberg, the baker's son, watching her as she leaves. There isn't anyone in this school who hates the Cullens more than Derek Blasberg. Great.Selena is in the bathroom, leaning against the sink. That does not surprise her in the slightest. She knows her sister probably feels bad for hiding this from her for God knows how long. But Taylor is still mad."Don't," is all she manages to say.Selena stays in silence. Taylor stares at herself in the mirror for a moment. Every time she does this, she remember the first time she saw her own eyes after the transformation. The comparison of her old and new self. The TV, the mirror. The missing minor, then the villain that was made out of her.The worst thing about how she looks now is her eyes. Just as the rest of herself, they look lifeless. How can humans think she is one of them? She is dead - no flushed cheeks, no blue in her stare, no end to her future."There are a few things that you should know, Taylor."She closes her eyes, trying to get the image of herself in the mirror out of her head."I don't want to know anything," she mumbles after a moment."I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," Selena touches her shoulder and she wants to pull away but doesn't. "If I had, things would've not played out well.""Well for whom?""For you both.""For
us
both?" Taylor scoffs. "I know for a fact I would never allow myself to get close enough to hurt this girl. So, I'm thinking you mean it would not go well for
me
and you know I don't care about that."If she had bumped into this human any other way she would've run for the hills the moment she felt the pull of the bond. She normally isn't very reliable, but this she
knows. She would've ran. And she will."Taylor-""Selena, it's truly over now. You do realize this, right? I know you can see it. The path I'm in," She looks over at her best friend, her sister, and feels absolutely awful for being the one to break her heart like this. She regrets that day at the coffee shop - regrets being persuaded by the idea of having a family. Because now that she has one, it makes this much more difficult.If Adam had told her about the Volturi, she would have gone to them immediately after he left. But he told her very little. They had met a few creatures in the time they were together but Taylor didn't interact with them very much. Some of them were too disturbing to talk to.If she hadn't made the decision to go into that coffee shop that day, she would've continued to walk alone until she found someone who could end her existence for her. But she had gone in. And now she will not be the only one to suffer.Selena stares into her eyes for a moment."I'm going to cut the crap here," she says, suddenly intense. "If you go to Italy, she dies."Now, if her heart could beat, it would be pumping dangerously fast.She hears the sound of an ambulance outside. Shuffling of bodies in the hallway. She focuses on the inside of the classroom. Two heartbeats. She listens for breath sounds. One is quicker than the other. The smaller one sounds...
too small, and she wants- she needs-
Stop it. Help is coming. Human help. The help she needs. You are not it.
She couldn't possibly be dying right now, could she? She did hit her head quite forcefully when she fell. Or was it just Taylor's intense hearing?If she could be out of breath, she would."How?"Silence."You're lying.""You think I would lie about this?" She seems genuinely offended."If it meant you'd get to keep me here, maybe."Selena gives her a sad smile."I'm serious. She'll die next week of you're not here.""How?"Both of them hear footsteps approaching. Taylor pays attention. Human footsteps. They should leave before the person walks in. Selena doesn't move. She closes her eyes. Another vision?"You won't go," she smiles big. "Not to Italy."And leaves before Taylor can say anything else.Great.Taylor feels unable to move.She still could leave. She still could make this decision. She doesn't have to comply to the possibility that this girl's death could be her fault. So far, that's what it is: Only a possibility. Minds change, and hers isn't the only one that has an influence here. If Selena knows how the girl will die, then she shares that responsibility. If Edward heard her thoughts, he does as well.The human whose footsteps they had heard finally comes in. It's the goth girl who supposedly had a crush on her (according to Edward).He was always poking fun at her. Always making snarky comments.
Goth kid is thinking about kissing you again. Goth kid is fantasizing that you walk over to ask her about her favorite band. Goth kid wishes those fingers were doing something else right now.
But one day Taylor just lost it and screamed at him to at least
try
to stop invading this poor girl's privacy. All of the humans had already left the cafeteria so no one heard.He no longer made any comments.The girl - Taylor's not sure what her name is - had attempted to talk to her one day. Of course she had to be unkind. If she was welcoming in any way it could be dangerous for her family. Edward and Jasper had done the same to a couple other kids. If Derek Blasberg hates them the way he does now it is the couple's fault.But now they are generally ignored by all. And that's a success on their book. The goal is to be as under the radar as possible. Of course, that proves to be harder to some than others - Edward and Jasper definitely have a more difficult time trying not to stand out, simply because of the fact they are together. It's not their fault. That's the one part of who they are they don't want to hide. And they shouldn't.The girl seems surprised that she is there, but doesn't say anything. When she thinks about it, she has never gone inside the school's bathroom. Well.Taylor walks out without saying a word.Trying to avoid any more distractions, she heads to the parking lot. It's raining, the water drops are forceful and unforgiving. They must be freezing for a human, but to her they are just the right temperature.She starts walking to the side of the building to make her way into the woods, but then she realizes she can't just leave school like this. She needs to tell an adult human that can vouch for her later, so her disappearance will not be as suspicious. She walks back to the front office, still in human speed.She is noisy when she walks in, so the human behind the front desk notices her faster."Oh, hello, Taylor," the woman seems worried. How bad does she look?She makes up an excuse, says that she isn't feeling well, and compels the woman to believe Carlisle had called her and asked Taylor to leave. It's done in less than five minutes. She walks out into the rain again, and as soon as her feet hit a dirt path, she is running.She isn't sure where she is going. She feels the same way she had felt once she found out she was alone that morning at the motel. A human body on the floor. She had not killed that person, but also hadn't done anything to stop it. She realizes she is in that exact same situation now. She could be partially culpable,
again. How does she keep finding herself in predicaments such as this?She can't leave being responsible. She can fool herself into thinking she could - she could run aimlessly for days, trying to process it; but at the end, she would not leave.Next week, Selena had said. She can wait it out. Be there for whatever life-threatening situation she is going to interrupt, then carry on with her plan. It's just a bump in the road. Just a quick, solvable adversity.She doesn't have to stay in Forks, however. She can leave to feed - she'll be burning in hell soon so why not add a few more sins to her endless list? Yeah, and one more excuse to her
also
endless list of excuses. Just add it to the tab. She'll pay up in a week or so.Seattle is her custom place for her encounters with humans. She rents a room at a nice hotel, goes to a club at a late hour and picks up the first attractive person who approaches her. It's normally the very first one - if they're brave enough to handle a quick conversation with her. Some of them are too intimidated, and stutter a lot. She tries to be patient most times.It takes her less than twenty minutes to get to Seattle. She stops at one of her favorite places, gets a room. Now, here comes the dreadful part. Waiting for nightfall all alone with her thoughts. She decides it's best to go out. See the sights. She has seem most of the touristy locations many times but it's better than staying locked in this room alone.Once she's out, she decides she'll visit the Seattle Aquarium. She walks there - at human speed, so it takes her an hour or so. She likes observing the humans as she walks, making up stories about their lives, giving them entire worlds in the few seconds she sees them.The first one that catches her eye is a woman in a blue dress, probably in her 30s. Blonde, hair pulled back. She's on her phone as she walks. Taylor listens for context. She's talking to a child. Appeasing the child.
Mommy won't be able to make it to dinner tonight. Mommy's very sorry. But tomorrow morning mommy will be there to take you to school and you can tell her all about the new toy daddy gave you. Oh, yeah. Will you let me speak to daddy for a moment?
A beat.
Why would you tell him that I would be there this week? Now I'm going to have to clear my schedule tomorrow and travel all the way back just to hang out with him for a couple of hours. Oh, I'm the one being selfish? I said I would be there Monday-She takes a left, continuing to fight with the man on the phone. Taylor has to keep going straight, but before she turns her stare, she catches eye of a tattoo on the woman's ankle. A big rose. Rose it is, then.Rose won't quit her job. She will stop thinking she'll need to give up one thing to have the other. Sometimes life is about the small sacrifices. It doesn't always have to be about big gestures and big decisions. But she will make more time for her son. She'll set up her priorities right. Delegate. Promote a colleague so they can help with the work overflow. Hire someone new, if necessary. Then, she won't be so busy...Taylor keeps writing Rose's story in her head until she finally arrives at the aquarium.She loves it there. The fish are terrified of her.They sense a predator is around. Why can't humans be more like this, more aware of danger? Just because something looks like you, doesn't mean it's not a threat. He body is her biggest camouflage and her biggest attraction, all in one. They think she is one of them, but not only that - they find her more inviting than most. So, they are fascinated that someone "like them" can also be so much "more". And suddenly they find themselves approaching her, being moved by a magnetic pull. She doesn't even have to do anything. The exposure is enough.She stays still watching one of the sharks in front of her swim away, and smiles. She touches the glass with her index finger. It's so fragile. She could break it with one small movement. Then, the people around her would probably die from the impact. The fish would be distressed, some would die too. One movement.All she'd have to do is break the security cameras before the fact. Then, she'd walk away, unharmed. No one would ever know it was her. Maybe if someone miraculously survived and saw her do it, but that's a long shot. She'd move too fast for the human eye to actually see.She leaves before she thinks about it too much.Her next stop is an outdoor restaurant. She loves them, too. The concept of eating, chewing. Outdoors! She had never done this as a human. She normally just sits and order things for people. The waiters are very weirded out by it but they can't do anything, can they? She makes sure to tip them generously afterwards. She orders the most expensive meal on the menu, picks a human, and tells the waiter to say it was from "their biggest enemy". She laughs internally as she sees the interaction, and the human's reaction. Most of them don't eat the food. It's so funny.A socially strange situation scares them more than
actual
scary things.She orders for four people, only one of them eat.She's bored already. She feels herself starting to overthink. This will be a long week. She wishes she were Edward sometimes. Reading people's minds must be entertaining enough.Her next stop is at a movie theater. She has to wait ten minutes for a showing of a film called
Kill Bill: Vol. 2. She hasn't watched Vol. 1 so she has to try to piece the story together as the narrative progresses, and makes herself busy trying to guess the ending. She'll have to watch more movies this week. They get her into a great dissociative state. Plus, they move at a human speed of thought so she can't rush through them like she can with a book.When she walks out, the sun is setting. She'll have to find other distractions for the night time from tomorrow on, but today she made enough excuses to convince herself. Unless someone physically stops her, she is doing this.She finds a bar just after twenty minutes of walking downtown. It's a big one and although it's a week night, the place is packed. Good. This won't take long. It's probably going to be a man this time, but she wishes a woman would approach her first. It won't happen, she's not at a gay bar, but she wishes.She sits down, orders a drink to use as an ornament. The men around her immediately notice her. She's not dressed for this kind of scene, still in her school clothes, and probably still smells a little bit like rain... But she knows those things won't be a problem. From her experience with humans, even her natural smell is attractive to them. Her hair must be messy, but it's never frizzy, so that isn't a problem either.She feels some people continue to look at her. Again, she wishes she could read thoughts. No one comes near her yet. Is it taking longer than usual, or is she just aware of a clock ticking somewhere?She starts getting impatient. The waitress comes back with her drink. She smiles at Taylor. Huh, brave. The girl's blonde, her type. She decides she'll have to start this one this time. She can't wait any longer, her thoughts are like a bomb about to explode."Busy day, huh?" She asks.The girl is taken aback for a moment. Then says:"Yeah.""How long have you been working here for?""Uh, t-two weeks. I'm new.""New to Seattle or just new to the job?""To both."Taylor fakes having a sip."This is my first time here.""Oh, are you enjoying the city?""Haven't had the time to, unfortunately.""You're here for work?""Yep.""You should take some time to see some of the sights before you leave. I promise you won't regret it."There's her opening."Maybe you could show me around sometime... You seem to know what you're talking about."The girl is silent for a moment."I'm not sure I'm the best person- I mean- I've only been here for less than a month-"A guy two seats away from Taylor calls for the girl's attention. She asks to be excused and goes to take his order. Fucking fantastic. This has never happened to her. She has never been rejected by a human. Of course, it has to happen on the one night she absolutely
needs
this...When she's about to try her "charms" on the man sitting on her left side, the girl comes back."Hey, sorry about that. Busy day - like you said," she laughs nervously.Taylor just smiles, waiting."I could show you my favorite places so far, if you want."There it is.-She does it the same way as always. Methodically, fast, counting the seconds. She feels automatically better, full. The girl doesn't even notice it. She makes her come four times. They've been going at it for a while, and she senses the human is exhausted. The girl tries to touch Taylor, but as always, the vampire doesn't let it happen.The girl is smiling contently, and Taylor wonders if it'll be rude to ask her to leave now."Hey-," Taylor starts."I didn't-" The girl says, at the same time."Go ahead.""I'm sorry," she laughs, seeming embarrassed. "I didn't catch your name."Fake name time."Belatrix," she raises her hand. "Nice meeting you."The girl takes her hand, smiling."What a cool name. Mine's Carly."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
It was very foolish of her to think, even for a small while, that she could stand life in Forks without having a breakdown of some sort.It happened earlier than she expected. Not even a week into her new routine. Crying in the school's bathroom. Thinking of Cara not calling her. Thinking of her mother's selfish, careless e-mails. Missing sunshine, for God's sake. Hating this place, and the people here - most so boring and predictable; and
her. Why isn't she here? Karlie needs to- she wants-She doesn't know. She doesn't know if she would have the guts to approach the blonde if she had shown up but she
needs
to do something about it. They'll have biology together every week, she can't just skip class because she can't handle the way someone…smells. So, she should be here so Karlie could- she
wants-Her hand itches to hit something as more tears fall down her cheek. It's infuriating how helpless she feels. How completely and utterly stuck she is. There is nothing she can do but just take in the suffering and hide it deep inside herself again. Hold back the tears until she’s gritting her teeth and her jaw hurts. She reminds herself:
Don’t allow it. Don’t allow the pain out. Don’t allow yourself to feel it.She manages to stop crying, then. It’s all just so, very stupid. Her champagne problems, her trivial issues. And her inability to deal with them.Once she walks out of the stall, she is surprised to see Lorde leaning against the sink. She doesn't say anything at first. Just hands her a tissue and Karlie takes it, adverting her eyes.“I carry a box of these around ‘cause I have a lot of allergies,” she explains. Karlie blows her nose and the noise is so comical she has to laugh. Lorde smiles at her. “My mom says crying is better than not crying. If you hold something in for too long it’s bound to explode.”Karlie considers that statement for a moment.“I think if I indulge in my pain I might never stop feeling it.”Lorde bursts out laughing, loudly.“I think you might be more dramatic than Derek and I combined,” she sighs, lost in thought. “But seriously, that’s how you get sick. In the head, I mean. If you can’t understand the fleeting quality of every emotion we feel, pain becomes suffering. Then, you get sick.”Karlie looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are dried up, but her cheeks and nose are still stained red.“You think I’m
depressed?”“I’m just saying that kind of feeling can be dangerous,” Lorde looks down at her feet, then watches her black-painted nails. “It’s very stereotypical of me but last year I kind of walked that line. And it’s not fun.”She shrugs and Karlie leans against the sink next to her.“You’re better now?”“Yep, all better,” the both of them don’t move, but a strange tension hangs in the air.“I have it in my family. Uh, history of mental health problems, you know. So, it would not be surprising if-” The sound of the bell ringing interrupts her. “Anyway.”“Talking about it helps. It’s cliché, but it helps,” Her friend simply says.Karlie analyzes her own face again and decides she looks better. Her eyes are still puffy but not as red as earlier. She exhales, deeply. She’d rather jump in front of a bus, or pass out in front of everyone again than
talk about it. About any of it. She can’t even handle her own thoughts bubbling inside her brain, begging to come out, without feeling her throat closing up and her eyes swelling up. How infantile.“I think you’re right,” she says, in spite of all her thoughts. “Thank you for-”“The tissue?”Karlie chuckles.“Sure.”-The week drags on. Derek and Lorde make her days better. They hang out after school in the woods behind the parking lot. There’s an old swing right at the edge of the forest – legend says Joshua Kushner’s dad had built it for his high school sweetheart thirty years ago. Karlie doesn’t sit on it, it looks too fragile. She usually sits on the tallest rock, and her Forks friends call her a show off.They do their homework, joke about their fellow schoolmates, and talk about life. She learns a lot about them, and opens up too. But not completely.Derek’s family has lived in Forks for decades. His dad owns a bakery downtown. Sometimes Derek brings them sweets – but not every day so they won’t lose their taste for it. He knows so much about baking. He’s really smart, really good in math. He’s gay, it’s a known fact that is ignored by all, his father included. Derek says it makes people more comfortable; pretending this part of him doesn’t exist.Lorde’s real name is Ella. She wants to be an artist. All she talks about is leaving Forks (Karlie loves talking about leaving Forks, too). She’s really philosophical and gets lost in thought a lot. She doesn’t talk about her family, although Karlie has learned she has a sister – a blonde girl who hangs out with “The Conservatives” as Derek calls them. They barely speak to each other.It’s Friday when Cara finally calls. They’re hanging out at Derek’s this time – his room colorful and full of Madonna and Britney Spears posters. Karlie keeps the conversation brief and tries not to be affected by the laughter coming from the background or how light Cara’s tone is. She thinks Karlie’s okay. She can’t tell there’s something wrong with her, that her voice sounds somber and small. She doesn’t ask why Karlie cuts the conversation short. She’s supposed to be her best friend, and yet she does not notice.“Who was that?” Karlie’s expression is crestfallen after the call, and Lorde tries to hide her worried tone.
“A friend from home,” the word friend reminds Karlie; “You guys, I’m going to the Quileute reservation this weekend with my dad. Do you wanna come with?”“Seems like the type of thing I’m definitely
not
interested in” Lorde says, and Derek laughs.“Oh, c’mon, it will be fun!”“It will be freezing.”“It’s always freezing here.”“It’s a hundred times worse at the beach.”“I’ll let you borrow my coat.”“HA! That giant, nightmarish piece of pink cloth? No, thank you.”“It’s not pink, it’s a beautiful lavender-““We’ll be there, K.” Derek says, and that’s the end of it.-It’s 8 AM on Saturday when they finally leave for the reservation. Lorde was right – it is freezing, but they’re all huddled together in the backseat, and the atmosphere is cheery and lighthearted. Charlie is extremely happy Karlie found friends in Forks so fast, Karlie can tell. He jokes along with the kids, trying to seem jovial.“Once we get there there’s this amazing trail-““Trail? I thought we were going to the beach?!” Lorde asks, outraged. Derek cackles. She continues in a small voice:“I’m still all bruised from yesterday,” that prompts Derek into laughing even harder and Karlie can’t help but follow along.Charlie looks confused, so Derek explains:“She fell from a-” laugher, “swing-” more laughter. Karlie notices Lorde is silent so she stops. It was funny though – the way she fell back. Karlie had warned the swing was too old to support anything other than someone sitting still. She wanted to stand on it and so she paid the price.“You guys are a little too old to be playing on swings, aren’t you?”The kids all speak at the same time:“Is anyone
too old
to play on swings…”“Dad, we found these two giant trees in the woods behind school that are so tall…”“I wasn’t playing; I was testing a theory…”“And the rain doesn’t hit you and there’s a swing-”“Oh, Renée’s swing,” Charlie finally interrupts them.“What?” Her mother was Joshua Kushner’s dad’s girlfriend? Ew!“The swing I built for your mother when we were in high school. That tree was not an easy climb, let me tell you.”“So, you built it? Josh Kushner said it was his dad! That little shit!” Derek exclaims, in shock.“Hey, language,” Charlie sighs as Derek continues insulting Josh in the backseat. “I shouldn’t be worried that you’re… hanging out in the woods, should I, Karlie?”“What do you mean?”“He’s asking if we’re going to the woods to smoke pot.”“Dad!”-Charlie quits trying to convince the kids to go hiking, once Lorde continues to be opposed to it. When they arrive at the beach, he guides them down to a ring of logs positioned around a fire. The wind is cool but not as incapacitating as Lorde had made it out to be in her dramatic rantings. When they get closer, Karlie sees Sam sitting down on one of the logs. They all greet him, introducing themselves.Karlie notices a group of people closer to the water, a little kid running around. Jacob, Seth. The child, Karlie does not know. When they’re all sitting down, Charlie speaks to Sam about their fishing trip and food is passed around. As they eat, more people start to arrive. Billy Black, Sue, Leah and a bunch of other teenagers from the reservation. Eventually, the adults leave to fish and some of the kids go on the hike Charlie had mentioned – to see the nearby tidal pools.Derek changes his mind and goes along with the group; Lorde stays to draw an old tree she found interesting up at the edge of the sand line. In the end, there’s only Leah, Karlie and the little kid (Charlie tells her she’s Leah and Seth’s cousin, Claire) sitting around the driftwood fire.“I can’t believe you’re still the one who gets stuck babysitting,” Karlie tells Leah, chuckling.“Well, this time I guess you’re old enough to get stuck, too,” she points out, and then drags Claire away from the fire – she was getting too close to the flames. Leah finally gets the kid to sit still on her lap by handing her half of a sandwich. The tiny girl eats cutely, munching and mumbling incoherently.“Oh, but I could leave at any moment,” she jokes.“And go where? Everyone left. You’d get lost in the woods trying to find people, then you’d die, cold and alone,” Leah says, matter-of-factly.Karlie raises her brows.“I would not go deep enough to get lost. Plus, I know the way. I’ve done that hike a couple of times with Charlie.”“That was like, years ago. The forest is tricky – it
changes-”Now, she's just fucking with Karlie.“Oh, shut up,” they both laugh together. “It has not been that long.”“It has. Last time I saw you, you were about this size,” she points at Claire. Karlie laughs, shaking her head dismissingly. “A lot has changed here.”Leah sighs, caressing Claire’s hair. Her demeaning is suddenly quite low. Karlie doesn’t want to intrude, but also can’t help the words coming out of her mouth:“Are you okay?”Leah stares at her for a moment, her dark eyes indecipherable. Then, she turns her head to stare at the waves, caressing Claire’s hair.“Yeah,” she sighs deeply. “Things are just… different now.”Karlie’s curious but feels that, even if she continues to pressure her, Leah does not want to talk about whatever is haunting her. She can relate. This entire week, all she did was avoid her own thoughts – distracting herself with the most insignificant things so she could escape her own head. There’s a certain image she avoids the most; a certain glare, a certain color. One of the things she’s scared of the most is dreaming about it. She hasn’t yet. But she will – she knows it. She can feel it coming. Just out of her reach, out of her ability to contain. Then, the image will be too strong to repress.Claire jumps out of Leah’s lap, and starts playing in the sand, dinging a little hole with her little hands. Karlie focuses on what she’s doing, evading even the thought of the possibility of the… image.“Are
you
okay?”“Yeah, yeah,” Karlie answers too fast, a noticeable lie.“My mom told me you passed out at school…”“Ugh-““C’mon, don’t be like that,” Leah tilts her head worriedly.“It’s good to know
literally everyone
knows,” Karlie sighs.“I was going to say it’s not everyone, and I’m technically your step-sister now – so there’s a reason why I know. But that’d be a lie; everyone
does
know,” Leah chuckles. “It’s a small town, what did you expect?”Lorde walks over then, closing her notebook.“Can I see?” Karlie questions, interested in her art. The dark-haired girl doesn’t answer. Instead, she seats down next to Karlie and asks:“Everyone knows what?”Karlie sighs.“That I passed out."“Duh. Obviously.”“I meant even people from the reservation know.”“Our people know more than you ever will,” Leah mumbles rapidly. If Karlie hadn’t been sitting close to her she might not have heard it correctly.Lorde turns her head to stare at Leah. Somehow, she heard it too.“Yeah?” Lorde says, in a challenging tone. “Actually, something weird happened at our school and I was wondering if your mom might know something about it.”“My mom?” Lorde has Leah’s full attention now. Karlie watches the interaction, confused and interested. “How so?”“She works at the hospital,” Lorde simply says.Silence ensues between the two girls. For a moment too long to feel comfortable, there’s only the sound of the waves forcefully hitting the sand, the vibration of the wind that hits their faces and curls Karlie’s hair, and Claire’s mumbling as she plays on the sand.“I’m not sure I follow,” Leah finally says.“I get it. I’m sure I’ll find out some other way.”Silence again.“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Karlie finally asks.“Doctor Carlisle Cullen’s daughter vanishing from the face of the earth.”Karlie’s entire body tenses.
Oh, no.
She cannot allow this conversation to go on any longer. So she says:“Why do you care?”
Why does anyone care? Why do I? Good riddance she’s gone. I wish the rest of her family would disappear as well,
she thinks, immaturely.“It’s just- strange, is all,” Lorde says, defensive.“Everything about them is… strange,” Leah mumbles. So, she knows them? She doesn’t attend Forks High School.It’s a small town, what did you expect?, are the words that echo inside her head.Karlie catches sight of the group of people coming back from the trail, Derek included. She sighs, thankful. Maybe this stupid conversation will end here. She waves to Derek, who seems happy walking besides Jacob.“How have you guys been doing without me?” Derek says as he approaches. He analyses the girls’ faces. “Huh. Clearly not well. What’s wrong?”“I was trying to find out why Taylor Cullen hasn’t shown up to class in a week, but the locals are not very receptive to gossip,” Lorde sighs.Karlie’s head starts spinning.
Stop. Stop it. Why did you have to say her name?“They’re not very big on the Cullens here,” Derek murmurs, just to Karlie.
Why? And why would Ella bring them up to Leah when she clearly knows the people here don’t like them?
She wants to ask. But she can’t encourage them into continuing with this subject. “You should ask your dad.”Karlie won’t be asking anyone
anything.-It isn’t long until Karlie feels alone once again. Leah leaves immediately when Sam comes back – Jacob tells her they had broken up.
That explains her behavior earlier, Karlie thinks. The Quileute girl just grabs Claire by the hand, and leaves in silence. Jacob and Derek are engaged in a conversation about an action movie that’s currently in theaters.
Bill kills, or
Killed by Bill, something like that. Karlie isn’t big on action movies. Lorde had gone back to the car to “get more of her crayons”, according to Derek. The adults haven’t come back yet.Karlie can’t participate in the any of the conversations around her. She feels as if she can’t speak, her throat is closed up since she heard the name. She hates herself for being so fucking affected.She keeps staring at the waves, trying to refocus. She can’t deny this feeling is real – this giant pit in her stomach, this innervation. The constant unconscious sensitivity that tells her, unrelentingly: There’s something lacking, there’s something missing, I should go look for… whatever it is that is not here.She knows exactly what it is. She knows what’s missing.But it makes no sense! It makes absolutely no sense!She can’t think. Doesn't have the time to because the last straw comes, just then. And it comes from the last place she ever thought would.She is staring at every inanimate object she can, trying to find a focal point; something to help her ground herself. She stares at her boots, at Derek’s shoelaces, at one can of coke that someone left by Jacob’s side. Observes the hardness of the log underneath her hands, and Lorde’s notebook laying on it besides her. She’s watching it. She’s watching it as the wind knocks it over. She’s watching as it falls open on the sand behind her. She sees the page, sees the pencil sketch.She knows what’s lacking.She doesn’t avoid it. Does want to. She wants to look and keep looking. She thought it would haunt her – that she’d pass out or puke again. The nausea is still there, but it isn’t as strong. It’s uncomfortable, but not overwhelming. She doesn’t advert her eyes.Lorde’s a really good artist. It looks exactly like her. Even the eyes she translated perfectly. The paleness, the brightness. She must have gotten close to be able to draw them like this. If not, if she did it from memory, then she’s even better than Karlie anticipated.Before she could analyze it further, Lorde shows up behind her, and calmly picks the black notebook up, closing it. Still not fully out of her daze, Karlie looks around and sees that somehow no one had seen what happened. She turns her head back, and shares a look with her friend. She can’t fully decode her expression, but knows, deep in her bones, Lorde is sad.“I-I’m sorry, it fell. The wind-”“I know,” she sits down next to Karlie, holding the book on her lap. “I saw it. I was hoping it would open on a different page, though,” she simply chuckles.“You’re really good,” Karlie mumbles.Lorde shrugs.“Eh.”“Can I see more of it?” It wouldn’t hurt, would it? She was gone –
vanished from the face of the earth. Karlie hadn’t passed out, nor vomited. It was just a drawing. It wasn’t real. She could look again, just for a little bit.“Keep it.”“What?”“I was going to throw this one away anyway. See,” she opens it on the last page – there’s a sketch of the dead tree she had gone to see earlier. “I used it all up already. I just wanted to add some color, but I didn’t bring any of the paint I wanted. Because it’d dry up too fast here on the beach.”“Why would you throw it away?” Karlie asks, incredulously.“Karlie, I draw all the time. I mean it, all of the time. It’s too much content. I keep the ones I like best, but most go into the recycling bin.”Karlie had noticed the girl doesn’t go anywhere without her notebook and a pencil. But still; that drawing, the accuracy, the detail – she couldn’t just let her throw that away.Even if she had seen another sketch, if she hadn’t seen
that one… Even if the book had fallen open on the dead tree… She’d still want to keep it, right? Right.To the dead tree, she raises an imaginary glass.-They take a lot of fish back home. There’s a faint smell of it everywhere inside the car. It’s not too unpleasant, but she can’t stop thinking about it. Why is she suddenly so aware of smells? Is this what puberty does to you? Why is she so particular about it now?She’s also deeply mindful of the book she is holding on her lap. She hasn’t flipped through it yet. She wants to be alone for it, wants a silent, peaceful environment for her to try to understand her own feelings.Maybe it’s jealously. She obviously finds
her
pretty.She’s addressing her thoughts again – thinking about
her. Not the image of
her, but the idea of
her. After nearly a week of completely and fully avoiding it. She feels better. That, she knows. Definitely better, but still wrong in ways she doesn’t understand.She sees her first day in Forks as a very traumatic 24 hours. Her avoidance of
her
might have been some sort of response to that. The only memory she has of
her
is quite daunting – her intense stare, then nothingness. Karlie remembers waking up crying at the hospital.She was sad before; sad because she had left her home, her friends, her mother. But there is a
before
and
after
in her head, and it isn’t
before Forks, and
after Forks. It is
before
and
after her.The scent is another thing she considers, although it’s definitely not the root cause of her infatuation.
Infatuation. Is that the correct word to use in this scenario? Well. She harbors hatred for
her, as well. It’s a childish feeling, petty. She wants to think of
her, even if it ultimately brings her pain. Not due to the memory of what happened, but the fact that it happened.It was so overwhelming, so deeply paralyzing;
her
aroma,
her
aura. Just the thought of it makes her insides whirl. That can’t be normal. That definitely isn’t normal. Maybe if she asks
her
what kind of perfume she uses, then goes back to the doctor to see if she’s allergic to some component in its formula. If she is, that means she’s probably allergic to really good, really expensive perfume. She looked expensive.
Her
hair, God,
her
hair looked like actual strands of
gold
flowing down the sides of
her
face…Not infatuation. Karlie decides obsession might be a better word.They drop Lorde home, then Derek. He stares at her arms as they say goodbye – seeing the way she’s clinging to the notebook, holding it like a treasure. He furrows his brows, but doesn’t make a comment.Her father is visibly tired, so he doesn’t pay too much attention to anything other than the road in front of him. The way back to Charlie’s small home isn’t too long. The first thing Karlie does is go upstairs, she almost runs up. She notices her own excitement and stops herself.She has never, in her life, had too much of a hard time understanding her own feelings. How could she possibly be so unstable so suddenly – going from evading something so persistently, to it being the only thing she can think about? Going from indifference to hatred, then obsession and enthusiasm in a matter of hours?She walks into her room slowly, actively making an effort to drag her feet. She sits on the floor, and starts flipping through the pages before the rational part of her mind could make her stop herself.Lorde does draw
everything
– she uses a lot of different people as her subjects, mostly, Karlie’s sure, without them even knowing. So many of her classmates are on the notebook, but she only draws them superficially, realistically; creating something in the moment and not stopping to improve it or add anything later.She can tell her friend took time with some drawings more than others.There are a couple of drawings that stand out; inanimate objects, surrealistically portrayed. She uses paint in some of them, making them even more interesting – weirdly colorful. Drawings of Derek, and even a sketch of Karlie, this tall, statuesque thing. Her heart fills with affection for Lorde, seeing how her friend sees her.But let’s not pretend she kept this for the surrealistic art, or Lorde's drawings of herself and Derek.Her friend has done twelve drawings of Taylor Cullen on this notebook. Some of them are of
her
full body - slim, delicate. Most are of
her
eyes and lips.Thinking of
her
name sends a rush through Karlie’s body. Like on the beach, her head starts spinning. She takes a deep breath, lays down on the floor. She inhales, exhales. Looks at one of the drawings and pushes through the nauseating feeling. With each passing second, a strange pull gets stronger, and the nausea decreases.Time passes. She doesn't know how long. She feels removed from herself.
There’s a knock on the door. Her father says, “Karlie, dinner’s ready!” from the other side. How long could she stay like this? Laying on the floor, staring at a drawing of someone she doesn't even know?
Craving
this stranger's presence?She breathes in. She can’t eat right now, doesn’t have the stomach for it. Maybe Lorde's right, maybe she is depressed. Or delusional. Crazy.Karlie falls asleep on the floor, holding the notebook against her chest.She dreams of clear grey eyes.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
On Sunday morning, Karlie decides to start journaling again.Her last entry had been from nearly three months ago. It read:
August 2th, 2004
Mom seems really unhappy today. It is explicit, as every other emotion that passes through her stare. She blames me. Blames my unwillingness to leave, my stubbornness.
I'm not sure I deserve this resentment. I'm certain she sees that I will budge either way. I wish I knew a way I could say no. I wish it would be taken into account, if I did.
Short, but straight to the point.The day is quiet and it doesn't rain. She attends early Mass with Charlie and Sue, out of habit. Going to church for Karlie is more a moment of meditation than anything else. She's not sure she always believes what she is told under roofs such as the one she's under. She can't see her pleas having a destination. No prayers have come out of her lips in a very long time.She remembers the songs she sang in the choir back at her mother's church in Phoenix - how spiritual and
grand, how easy to believe. However, she never had a particular craving for spirituality; in spite of her family's incentives. In spite of the cross always hanging around her neck.Putting pen to paper often sounds like a better way out of her own internal turmoil.So, she'll be journaling again.When they arrive home, she makes herself a cup of coffee and goes straight to her room. The sun hasn't fully come out, the heavy clouds keeping it hostage. It's gloomy upstairs. Gloomy and dark, full of white noise. She sighs, overwhelmed by the space's energy.She sits on the rocking chair by the window. Changes her mind, gets up and sits by the desk. Inhales the strong, sour waves evaporating from the drink she positions beside her. Then, begins:
October 17th, 2004
I'm anxious. I have been for days. The base of my stomach has a constant claim for my attention. I wonder if it is mainly my need to get away, or if it is something else entirely. Have I forgotten I'm not supposed to be here? Have other things, more important things, come to mind to justify my vigilant state?
Was it my routine being disrupted so completely, my being removed from what I've always known? Then her appearence, her influence, her pull? It is just her, now; my mind's only resident. I know it. I struggle with accepting that.
I want to stay. I am resolved on finding out why the object of my direct and indirect thoughts, my conscious and subconcious dreams has left so abruptly. I wish to know why I am so aware of her absence.
We exchanged looks for half a second. It's frankly laughable.
I am frustrated and anxious due to my longing of her. I am frustrated and anxious for not understanding my frustration, nor my anxiety. Is harboring such a feeling for a stranger justifiable?
I'm curious to know why it doesn't feel platonic.
Karlie reads the last sentence twice. Crosses it out until it can't be read.She closes her journal thinking she should stop trying so hard to be poetic.Later, after a day of anxiety, chores and TV, Karlie is having dinner with Charlie. He had just arrived from another day of fishing at the reservation. Initially, they eat in silence, the atmosphere comfortable and familiar. He comments that it started snowing outside, but Karlie can't see anything when she looks out the window. The day had really been darker and colder than the usual already dark and cold. Well."The roads will probably be very treacherous tomorrow. I put snow chains around your tires before I came in; please be careful when driving to school in the morning."Karlie nods. She's habitually a very resposible driver, but she's not used to being behind the wheel in this kind of weather. She'll make sure to be extra attentive.
When Karlie notices Charlie hasn't brought any fish home today, she states her confusion and he gets talking about his day. Something about his stories remind Karlie of Derek's comment on the beach about the Quileute people's disregard for the Cullens.
You should ask your dad. When Charlie stops talking to chew, she sees it as her cue:"Dad, do you know why the people on the reservation don't like Doctor Carlisle Cullen's family?"She doesn't dance around the subject. She just wants to know. Wants to talk about it. She's been distressed all day thinking about her feelings. She needs to talk about
her, even if indirectly.Charlie looks back at her, mouth still full, in complete surprise. His expression makes Karlie chuckle."We were talking about them on the beach yesterday and the general reaction from people got me curious," she explains.He finishes chewing slowly, then cleans the sides of his mouth with a napkin.
"Well, I guess everything started after a trespassing incident."Karlie doesn't know what she was expecting him to say, but it definitely wasn't that."Trespassing? Are they not allowed on the reservation?""Technically they are," he exhales tiredly, as if he's been making this argument for a very long time. "People still had a problem with it, and it's just so strange to me why they were all so angry and
afraid
of this seventeen year old girl. When her father and I arrived, they were all up on her face. It looked like
she
was the one in danger.""Wait, dad, who do you mean?" It can't be."Doctor Cullen's youngest kid, the blonde, uh, Taylor - I think that's her name," Goosebumps. All over Karlie's arms. She crosses them around her chest. "She's in your class, isn't she?"Karlie just nods."When her family first got here, she went driving around, getting to know places and things. She was walking down First Beach when Sam Uley and his friends saw her, and it became a problem.""Why?" Karlie imagines Taylor - she exhales as she thinks of the name; her tall but thin frame side by side with Sam's big, muscular body.
Why the hell would he have a problem with her? I mean, he could seem scary sometimes, mainly due to his form, but he was never mean. Not to me. Not to anyone around me..."They think she's dangerous.
She is dangerous to the tribe, were Sam's exact words. Isn't that insane?" Charlie laughs, expecting Karlie to follow along, but she doesn't. He watches her expression for a moment, then says: "Is she your friend? I don't think they meant to-""No, no. I haven't really met her," Karlie feels as if someone else is uttering the words in her place.Charlie nods slightly, then continues:"I don't think they would've hurt her or anything. I know those kids can sometimes seem like trouble, but they really aren't. I've gotten really close to Sam and Jacob because of Sue, and they are great boys.""Jacob
was there?" Karlie can't imagine that, Taylor and Jake existing in the same universe."Oh, no, he wasn't. But he's getting almost as big as Sam now... He can seem really intimidating from afar," Karlie smiles. She couldn't picture that either; Jacob being anything other than the harmless, sweet kid he is. Charlie sighs, eating the last remains of pasta from his plate. After a long beat, he continues:"It's funny, it seems I've been talking about this all day. Had a fight with Sam and Billy earlier about it. They really
despise
that family. And I always say, Doctor Cullen is a world class surgeon - he could be working anywhere; we're lucky his wife loves the small town life and made the entire family come here of all places. And the lives he has saved, Karlie... Your friend Derek's father for example. Had an extremely rare heart condition, every other doctor said he was dying. Carlisle saved him on his first month working at the hospital."Carlisle. Huh. Charlie's clearly fond of him. Karlie remembers their interaction at the hospital, and Sue's demeanor when the doctor was in the room. She must have a problem with the Cullens, too. Karlie wonders if their diverging opinions in regards to that family is a reason for the couple to fight. She can't picture them fighting about anything.They're both done eating. Charlie collects the dirty utensils from the table, gets up and starts washing them on the sink. He kepts ranting as he does it:"People can be so small minded, so
prejudiced here. Everyone in that big room this morning, thinking they're better for it. The way they talk about the Cullen boy and his partner under their breath- then talking about that little latina girl like she's an alien. Crucifying these poor kids all while preaching
love thy neighbour. Hypocrites."That speech surprises Karlie. He seems really angry. She was so lost in her meditative state this morning, she hadn't noticed anyone speaking of the Cullen kids. She feels a wave of love for her father, for the passion he shows in his defensiveness and protection."It's like that at school too, dad. I think if people weren't so interested in the fact that I came from a big city they would definitely drop me for hanging out with Ella and Derek."Josh Kushner had invited her to have lunch with his group on friday and when she refused he asked her why she'd rather hang out with... Let's just say he used two very offensive slurs. Karlie wanted to go to the principal's office or at least tell a teacher, but Derek convinced her that wouldn't get anyone anywhere.Her friends here are not very popular. A contrast to her very busy social life back in Phoenix. It hasn't been bad, and other people still talk to her - one time a freshman approached her to say she "looked like a barbie" and then ran away. She gets noticed a lot - a pro and a con of being so tall."You're just welcoming to who's welcoming to you. Always has been. And I can't see you hanging out with any of the other kids your age here."
Huh.
He looks back at her, sees her confused expression."What I mean is most people here are
boring. You always had friends with very strange personalities, even as a kid."He was right. Her best friend for the most part of her childhood was a girl who only ever wore green, Lana. Literally every piece of clothing she owned was green. The accessories, too. She was extremely quirky and confusing, which constantly made things interesting. But then she moved away to Europe, and Karlie left Forks with her mother...Cara and the gang weren't too extravagant. They were actually the epitome of normal. Maybe it was this town; Forks made her seek people with peculiar traits, people that looked like what she felt inside - unusual people.
"Nerds" would be the best colloquial term. Karlie smiles internally at her own joke.She reminices with Charlie about her and Lana's mischiefs as kids for a little while; the memories are sweet and bright, twiddling inside her brain. She gets distracted for the first time in days, truly forgetting her current predicaments. It's strange... All the previous versions of herself - especially the one she left in Phoenix - seem surprisingly distant.The subject eventually dies down, so they both go to the living room to watch a little bit of TV before bed. Karlie doesn't pay attention to whatever's on. She's trapped down in her pit of delusions again. All she can think about is the image of Taylor on the reservation - on the beach. What her skin would look like, if her eyes would close as the wind hit her face. She imagines her porcelain skin blushing from the cold, her soft hair hitting her cheeks and contrasting perfectly agaisnt the flushes of pink.
Would she smile if I was the one looking at her? Would she ever smile at me?She wants to get the image out of her head, not because if bothers her but because it's way too satisfying. She'd never see the girl ever again anyway, so daydreaming of such a situation is, besides insane (Karlie labels all of her Taylor thoughts as insane, crazy, absurd, and did she mention
insane), just plain silly. They would never be together at First Beach. Taylor wasn't welcome there, anyway.
Why were they scared of her? Why is she gone?Karlie's brain won't shut off thinking of possible answers to her very pressing questions. At one point she's itching to call Derek and ask him what else he knows about Taylor and her family - something that he has yet to tell her. Anything.
Anything
will suffice. What's Taylor's favorite teacher, which subject she's best at.Obviously, Karlie does not call. She goes upstairs after nine and opens Lorde's sketchbook at page thirteen - her favorite - staring at it like a weirdo again.
Why can't I get a fucking grip?
She closes it. Throws it under her bed in a fit of rage, drops her body on the mattress forcefully, holds a pillow agaisnt her lips and screams.She doesn't feel any better. But she's tired enough, and falls asleep soon after hearing Charlie closing his bedroom door from the other side of the hallway.She doesn't get a good night of sleep, because she has a nightmare. And it is a nightmare, because she wakes up terrified. She remembers all of it very clearly. She's on a beach, walking quietly and slowly across the shore, barefoot. She looks down at her toes as she moves. She doesn't feel them, but they are a scary blue-ish color. She wears a white dress, an old maid's dress. It's made of a very thin material so it barely does anything to keep her from the cold.She walks and she walks, and all she thinks is "Will I ever stop trembling?", in a continuous loop. Eventually, and she doesn't know how long she has been walking for, she turns down and her feet are completely blue.When she looks back up, Taylor, Sam, Jacob and Ella are standing in front of her - the girls on her right side, the boys on the left.They're all speaking to each other, fighting, but Karlie doesn't hear anything besides the wind spinning in circles around her body. She screams for them to stop, but isn't heard nor seen. She looks down and her legs are also blue now, she can see them through the fabric of the dress.Suddenly and unexpectedly, Sam grabs Taylor by the throat and drops her on the ground like she has no weight. Karlie screams, horrified. Jacob holds Sam by the shoulders, Karlie can't see his face clearly. Ella bends down by the blonde's side, holds her small face in between her hands like she's hers to worry about.Taylor looks up at Karlie as her face is held for a moment too long. Coughs and spits out strands of bright red blood. Then, smiles.Karlie wakes up in a sweat.When she can manage to stop her rapid breathing, she gets up and takes a long hot shower. It doesn't make her feel better. She doesn't try to decipher the nightmare, either. Doesn't have the time or energy to. What she does is meditate, but she gets absolutely no relief from it. She'll just have to deal with the fact that today will be a bad day.She can see the snow from the kitchen's window, unlike yesterday. And it's not the neat, appealing, movie-like kind of snow; it's the dangerous, slippery, watery cover of translucent white all over everything. Karlie doesn't even think of how much she hates it, doesn't allow the thought to creep onto her mental notes. She's already too restless.It takes her half her customary time to get ready. She doesn't make an effort to look good, throwing on the clothes as she finds them. No make-up, no jewelry. She feels like shit, so why not look the part?The house is silent, except for Charlie's voice upstairs. She's having breakfast when he rushes out the door, talking on the phone about an accident on the main road, then yelling a "Be careful today, kid!", swiftly closing the door.An accident. Great. That adds another layer of crippling anxiety onto her body.Even with Charlie's snow chains around her tires, Karlie is still overly cautious when driving to school. She sighs when she parks in her usual spot, looking at herself in the rearview mirror. Because of the cold and her no make-up look of desperation, it seems her entire face is colored crimson. The contrast of her green eyes agaisnt all the redness makes her look away. The red and green combination only works on Christmas sweaters.
The lot is full, she realizes. She's right on time, everyone is making their way into the main building.Karlie gets off the truck, locks the door, but the keys slip from her sweaty fingers as she does it. She finds her hands are always damp whenever she's anxious. Today truly isn't her day. She bends down to grab the keys. When she stands straight, she hears an odd sound.She hears it before she sees it. A high-pitched screech, incredibly loud. The moment she looks up, her eyes somehow immediately and magnetically find a pair of grey ones staring back at her in complete horror. Taylor Cullen, standing four cars down the lot, as real as Karlie's disastrous fate.She doesn't have time to react as her attention shifts to a dark blue van
skidding across the icy pathway - the source of the screeching; coming wildly
towards
her truck. Towards her.She doesn't brace herself for the impact. She thinks - and subconsciously wonders if this thought might be her last:
She's here.Something hits her, hard, before she expects it. Her eyes are very much open throughout it all, but she only sees flashes of movement. The van had hit the truck, breaking one of the windows, tiny pieces of broken glass falling everywhere. When she is finally
still
she notices it, the glass on her clothes, on the floor. But there is a moment before the static; a moment where she is
moved, her body is turned around, and she's on the ground. And the motion definitely did not come from her own useless, heavy limbs.She was moved. Made to turn. Then, held. All of it, impossibly fast.She is still being held,
enveloped. One hand on her waist, the other on her head - her right cheek. Everything around her is terribly cold, and she trembles agaisnt the floor and
whoever
it is that's holding her. That reminds her of the nightmare, still fresh inside her head.
Will I ever stop trembling?"Karlie," she feels a cold breath against her left ear. "Are you okay?"It takes a second for her to ground herself. To stop thinking of the bad dream and come back to reality. Then, she feels it.The way she is caught against
her.
Her
touch on Karlie's cheek. The movement of
her
chest pressed up agaisnt Karlie's back. It is unlike anything she has ever experienced. She feels full, complete. Not one last drip of anxiety trickling down her neck, not one single beat of heart out of touch or comprehension. She is
all right. Contented even, like her mind was puzzle that was just finished, all the pieces magically falling into place.She breathes in, deeply. No nausea. Karlie feels as if she can't even recall ever experiencing the feeling. Taylor smells of a sweet lavender scent, like a field of lilacs after a rainfall. And it is
her, voice clear and unmistakable. The relief is so overwhelming Karlie involuntarily chuckles. She has never heard
her
voice. How can it sound so familiar? It's ridiculous. Karlie's so dumbfounded she can't stop a smile taking over her face.Taylor pulls in a strained gush of air, and Karlie's body moves with it, following her rhythm and tempo. It feels
right. Like magnets meeting halfway, pulling towards each other in total synch."Karlie?" She sounds worried, and Karlie realizes she was asked a question she had not answered. Her cheeks heat up in embarrassment."I'm okay,"
I am okay, I am okay, I am okay. The feeling of contented alleviation takes over every bone in her body. The smile doesn't leave her face.Taylor sighs, Karlie following along with another twin movement. Nothing could ever feel as utterly
balanced
as this. Nothing ever would. This steadiness, this peacefulness. Karlie is absolutely certain. She doesn't know how that could be, but she is."I was worried you had hit your head again," Taylor mumbles, and her fingers move slightly against Karlie's cheek, as if to make sure she's still there. Karlie's face burns with it. It is addicting, her embrace."Again?"A beat."Help's coming," Taylor simply says."You're here," it's barely a whisper but she knows the blonde hears it. She says nothing."How do you know my name?" Karlie can't help but ask. She can't tell if it's a stupid question or not. She wants to hear her voice in response, wants her to keep talking."You introduced yourself in biology last week," Taylor's voice is overly calm.Karlie nods, feeling Taylor's hands shift along with her, now. She won't move away. They're trapped, but there's plenty of space for her to remove her hands and she doesn't. That fact makes Karlie's head spin. She wants to turn around to face her, even if
it's ultimately very intimidating.Wanting to search for her eyes, Karlie remembers the last time she looked into them."How... How did you get over to me so fast?""What?" Taylor asks, barely moving."You were all the way over there," she wants to raise her index finger to point but doesn't know where to. She's lost her sense of direction, as if she's trapped in another dimension."I was standing next to you, Karlie," her response is quick, her tone clear and persuasive.
"No," Karlie says, and thinks her own voice sounds incredibly infantile in comparisson to Taylor's calm resonance. "I saw you."Taylor finally removes her hands from the other girl's body, moving as far from Karlie as the limited space permited. Had Karlie's statement made her pull back? She felt coldness before, but now she is truly
freezing. Her hands are shaking.
Barefoot in the wildest winter. The dream from the night before comes back in flashes. She adjusts her big, lavender-colored coat around her body, as if it'd help. Her eyes are burning, tears threatening to come out.
What was I asking her?
Karlie
can't even decode her own stubbornness.She doesn't look back, doesn't search for the girl's eyes behind her.
She's too scared to, too hurt. She can't push back the sentiment, but tries to find a rational reason why she would see Taylor in two different places in such a small amount of time - a matter of
seconds. Is it possible she's having hallucinations? Now, this is truly worrying. She had considered the possibility of depression, or even an obsessive disorder, but
schizophrenia? That's some Girl Interrupted kind of shit. Locked in a hospice for her own good kind of shit.There's a sudden
flurry of activity behind the van. Karlie can't tell if it had just started, or if she just started paying attention.
"Get Lisa out of the van!", someone yells.The cars are being moved, but Karlie stays put until she feels warm, glove-covered hands around her shoulders. A paramedic. He asks her if she's okay. She realizes Taylor's touch was unlike his; her hands were not
warm. That contrast stays vibrant in Karlie's brain. Maybe that's why she felt so cold. She doesn't know where Taylor went, doesn't remember seeing her moving out of the space of the car crash. Karlie thinks she must look catatonic, but once the other girl's contact was gone, her limbs just numbly fell on the sides of her body. When she finally manages to stand up, she sees herself reflected in one of the windows of the van. She has tears all over her cheeks.
They want to get her into a gurney but she refuses. The girl who was driving the van is carried into one of the ambulances - somehow there are two, already parked by the scene (Karlie had not heard the sirens blasting). The girl's head is bleeding, a lot. Her left arm has a giant purple stain on it.The whole school seems to be in the parking lot now. Everyone is watching as the first ambulance drives away and Karlie argues with the paramedics. She finds Derek and Lorde in the crowd, trying to push a cop away so they can approach her. She gives them the best smile she can. Soon enough, Charlie's there too, calling for her, screaming her name. He touches her shoulders, looks for injuries where there are none. She's overpowered by his autority so she gets on the damn gurney, in front of everyone, and let's them put a brace around her neck. She's so embarrassed she wants to scream.As they carry her into the ambulance, she sees Taylor appear right next to Charlie and the male paramedic. How come had Karlie missed her? She was right there. She can faintly hear their conversation from inside vehicle, as another paramedic continues examining her."How did this happen?" Charlie rhetorically asks."The ice," Taylor answers anyway. Karlie is furious, but still aches to hear more of her voice."Second accident today," the paramedic shakes his head. "Not a good day.""Was anyone hurt?" Taylor asks, worriedly.
"Just superficially. The car was wrecked, though. That's why I always say, never forget to put your seatbelt on. Saved her life.""Who was it?""Mrs. Stanley," Charlie answers.
Why is he talking to her like that, like she's an adult? Why is he answering all of her questions without a problem?
"Are
you
okay, kid?""I'm perfectly fine," and they nod. They just accept that!
They start closing the doors of the ambulance. The male paramedic sees the action and runs up, climbing inside. Charlie's face is welcoming as he looks at Taylor, and she's about to say something but Karlie yells:"Wait! Dad!"Her father's head shifts towards her and his expression changes completely. His eyes go from blurry to suddenly very aware. Like he was coming out of a strange daze.
"Charlie," Taylor taps his arm, patient as ever, as if everyone else isn't in a hurry to get to the hospital. Charlie turns to her, back in his daze. "Make sure she sees my dad, okay? I think she hit her head pretty hard."Karlie looks at the both of them in complete shock.
What
the hell?!Charlie nods, wholly convinced by her words. Taylor walks over to the back entrance of the ambulance.
"Can I get a ride with you guys, Jason?" She asks the male paramedic, sweetly. He flushes immediately.
Karlie's palm itches to hit something."Uh, y-yeah. Actually, you should probably be in a gurney too, Taylor.""That's nonsense.
I'm perfectly fine," she says again, winking at him.
She's smiling, but then she's turns to Karlie (who's watching things unfold in shock and confusion), and it fades. Karlie swears she sees hatred in her grey orbs, but the interaction is over before she can say anything. A moment later, she hears Taylor hopping in the front seat. She looks back and sees her golden hair through the partition.She doesn't say a word the entire way to the hospital.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Vampires are dehumanized beings. Brutal, cruel creatures. It is in her nature to be manipulative, egotistical, territorial. Besides blood, she quickly found there are other cravings that come with immortality - cravings she did not anticipate, cravings she still doesn't know how to fully deal with. Violence takes up a bigger place inside her consciousness than it ever has. Blood requires violence.Selena isn't familiar with the details of the original spell, but she told Taylor that "do not trust vampires" was rule number one in her household: in red, underlined.
Vampires can never wholly control their violence, she said,
even the ones who try their hardest. Destructiveness is an elemental component of the spell; it is, therefore, black magic.Witches should not trust vampires. Should not, but they would, of course. Hence their (near) extinction.Now, because she was once (and very recently) a human, she can grasp the meaning of morality more than anyone else in her family can. To them it's a concept instead of an instinct - although humans also have their own atrocious ways. Ying and yang, a consequence of an original sin, whatever it is you believe. Humans are both good and bad - vampires are, inherently, not.The closest an immortal will ever be to feeling any semblance of humanity is during the first ten years of their new existence. Time takes it away. Your integrity, your decency. It gets easier and easier to give in to the blood-sucking demon burning the insides of your throat.Now, this she has discussed many times with Carlisle. He does not see it her way, evidently, being who he is, having the family he has.In his three hundred years, he hasn't met another vampire who has never fed from humans. It wouldn't be surprising to find he's the only one of their kind who has refused such a basic, fundamental need so completely. He is different. "Eccentric", "weird", "unnatural". It is clear to everyone who meets him.Taylor has a harder time justifying why and how the other members of her family have managed to successfully keep such a restrictive diet -
they don't want to disappoint Carlisle, they're so happy with their mates they don't need it, well... Don't need it like I do...
Edward can read thoughts, so it's easier for him to see himself as the victim, the prey (although he has the highest kill count after Jasper); Jasper can feel people's emotions, so killing is as painful to him as it is to them; Esme is physically incapable of hurting Carlisle by hurting a harmless human being.Selena is a mystery. Taylor sometimes wonders if she really is a vampire. She simply does not act like one. She moves differently, even breathes at an unusual speed. Not like a human, but not like a vampire either. It's intriguing. She changes the subject whenever she's asked. Of course, getting anything out of Selena when you're not Edward is impossible - unless she voluntarily gives you the information.Howbeit, each one of these facts and assumptions sound extremely dull when she thinks of the effect human blood - clear,
good
human blood, not from addicts or alcoholics - has on her body. And she has a better understanding of integrity and morality than all of them. She doesn't know how they can be so indifferent about it. Make a once-a-year vacation out of feeding. Hell, she wishes to know how exactly her adoptive father has remained so consistently
good
after so many years; he's still a vampire - he goes against his nature not to give into his violent condition every second of every day.Condition, for they are diseased, their existence an illness. Something ugly, infectious, parasitical; taking, conquering, killing.
Vampires cannot wholly control their violence. Witches should not trust vampires.
No one should.If her family is somehow the exception, she's definitely not a part of it.Taylor thinks this as she feeds on the human - Carly, for the fourth time today. The sun is almost down. It has been nearly 24 hours since they met at the bar.The girl's aware now, aware of what she's gotten herself into. She's been scared ever since she realized. Taylor hasn't compelled her yet. She hasn't even told her to keep still. They haven't left the bed since last night. Taylor let her sleep until noon, but the unrelenting sound of her heartbeat triggered something in her and she found herself glued to the human's neck again.They have not spoken. The girl has not attempted to leave the bed, not once. She's not shaking, but her heart keeps pumping blood forcefully against her chest and the feel of it against Taylor's skin is delicious. The vampire only holds her when she feds, always releasing her right after. Still, the girl does not try to run away.Taylor counts fifteen seconds, but this time it's almost sixteen. She lets go of her neck. Warm red blood trickles down her chin. The bed looks like a crime scene. She has never felt this insatiable. She tries to remember what remorse feels like, but she can't grasp the emotion when she's this high. She has never been this high. Never allowed herself to be. Doesn't quite know why she's doing it now.She's not yet out of control but that could change
very
quickly.The girl's phone buzzes inside her purse. Carly turns her head, opens her mouth to say something.
She's so pale, Taylor notices.
She'll probably need a transfusion if this keeps going. That, if she survives."You can answer it," Taylor hears her own voice and decides she sounds sweet. Not intimidating and frightening like she should be. Just sweet.The girl seems to think for a moment, then, slowly, reaches for her bag on the nightstand. Finds the phone inside it. Her entire body is leveled, she's still not shaking."Carly?" A strong male voice, either her father or her boss."H-hey, Mr. Garcia," she responds weakly. Boss, then."You're late kid, we need you. We're hosting that big bachelor party today, remember?""Uh..." This is where Taylor is supposed to compel her to say she's not going anywhere. But there's something about the thrill of not being completely in control that makes her not do it - not because she's emotionally attached to the girl, or pities her. She tells herself again:
you are immoral, wrong, terrible, absolutely awful. "I'm not feeling very well tonight."Ah. It feels good to have things go her way without even trying. The monster inside herself cheers; her ego is overpowering."What?""Yeah, uh, I think I'm coming down with something.""Well, you should've called earlier. Chris said he hasn't seen you all day.""I'm staying at a friend's house."The man is silent for a second. Taylor remembers the girl had said she's new in town. He's probably thinking - what friends? She hopes he'll come and find her. It'll make it more fun.
You are immoral, wrong, terrible..."Okay," he sounds exasperated. "Feel better, call me if you need me."He hangs up. Carly puts the phone away. Sits on the bed in front of Taylor in the exact position she was before. The movement isn't robotic, but it's definitely strange for a human.Taylor analyses her expression for a moment. She is definitely scared, there's no way she's not scared.
All the signs match up - quick heartbeat, sweat, flushed cheeks... Oh.
The penny drops.
These can also be signs of excitement.It's not unusual for humans to like danger. The rushing stab of adrenaline. Doesn't mean they have a death wish. However, Taylor has never gone this far with it. It's not safe for this girl to behave as if she doesn't care about her own well-being around her. It is
never
safe, but today the vampire's on the edge of something she can't quite understand. She's more dangerous and reckless than she's ever been."Why did you lie?" Again, she wishes she could read thoughts."Would you rather I'd told the truth?" Feisty. Well, it can't be like this, not this time.She needs to be scared. She
should
be.Taylor wraps her right hand around the girl's neck before she can't stop herself. She's barely using any strength. She feels the human's carotid pulsing against her thumb. The girl struggles to breathe, but doesn't fight her. Taylor clicks her tongue in disapproval. Lets go of her neck. She exhales, coughs. Taylor watches, unbothered.
Be scared, you idiot. This only makes the vampire want to drink from her again.
You're walking a fragile line.She takes a while to recover, and Taylor wonders if she went too far. She would be able to tell if she weren't thinking so strongly of tasting her yet another time. It has been, what, five minutes?
I'll be quicker this time...When the human finally meets her eyes again, she asks:"Are you going to kill me?"
Am I?
Vampires are still emphatic. Well, they can be. Taylor knows she has been. She has seen every member of her family be, in one way or another. It is not against their nature; the feeling comes organically and just as full as when she humanly felt it.She wants to kill this girl - her venom begs her to more so now than ever, and she doesn't know why that is. She has never given in like this.I want to know what it feels like to take a life in the exact way my body insists I'm meant to.
When she doesn't inhibit that thought, she can consider it a real reason. She wants to kill her because she knows she can (before she has to die the most terrible and deserving death herself).How would if feel if she was completely free to use her strength against a human? Her
full
strength. Not the repressed version she's used to. It is and it continues to be frustrating to always have to pull back.
But how ugly would it be?
If she broke this girl's neck, how terrible would it sound? The
crack
of the bone is what she imagines the most. How would she take that in? Would she feel bad, disgusted? Would she be
emphatic, would she cry for her? Or would she bask in it, in her liberty, in her high?"No," Taylor sighs, watches her own reflection in the girl's pupils.
Monster. "You have never been here. You don't know this hotel. You've never seen me. Last night, you went to work and then you went to a friend's home. Rose, she's an old family friend who has an apartment in the city. You woke up today with a massive headache. You still have a headache. Rose made you stay and took care of you. You'll feel better tomorrow. You are going to take a shower now, get dressed, get your things and go home."A little more backstory than the usual "You don't know me, you've never been here" she normally uses in her compelling. The girl doesn't say anything, just gets up to do what she's told. Taylor sighs again. Doesn't waste her time thinking of why and how she made the decision to let her go."Carly," she calls and the girl turns to face her again, dazzled. "When you come out there will be food. Eat before you leave."It takes her nineteen seconds to clean the room. She leaves the stained bedsheets burning inside the fireplace, a dangerous move. She's not going to stay to watch them turn to ashes. Her patience is running out, she's sloppy. She's about to go find the kitchen to get the food she promised the human - it would take too long to wait for room service - but, lucky her, a hotel clerk is coming out of an elevator pushing a cart with plates of pasta, a bottle of wine and two empty glasses... Oh, is that a piece of pie she sees? Sugar, that's good. She runs over to him, redirects him to Carly's. Opens the bottle of wine and drinks it entirely. She'll have to pee it out after, which sucks, but it'll make her dizzy for a few minutes. She pays for the room, compels the receptionist to forget her. No one else sees her.-She leaves the city. There's no point in staying in Seattle. It'll only bore her. She's so full, she could live without feeding for months. Not that she would be capable of that, especially after this little endeavor. She'll want blood even more often now that she knows how full she can truly get.She reminds herself she won't be alive to let her thirst get to her again. That makes her feel better.She hasn't felt tired in years, but she couldn't sleep now even if she tried. Sleeping on command is the most annoying thing about immortality; there's no relief in it when you can control everything. It's a decision instead of a need. They all told her it gets easier with time, and dreams come on their own. But why should she rest when there's so physical exhaustion?Esme worries she stays awake for too long. It's not like she hasn't tried - unconsciousness doesn't come that easily. Nothing comes easily to her.After a couple of hours of running, she's in Alaska. She moves aimlessly at first, and it isn't her initial plan to visit the Denalis, but she finds herself taking a familiar path to their home like she's being pulled closer by a magnet. She hasn't showered in almost three days; she smells like sex, blood and rain. She bets she doesn't look her best either, the last time she's seen her reflection had been at the school before she left.Dianna is the first to hear her. Taylor waits in the woods behind the house when she arrives, feeling extremely embarrassed. It has been a year since her family's departure, and she's guessing she's not technically a good surprise. She can only hope she's not unwelcome.She considers turning back; maybe she could go east and cross the Canadian border, stay at one of the big cities.
No, I'll just find an excuse to feed again.
If she went further west, she could swim around the continent to California or maybe even Mexico. She hasn't been at a true tropical place since right after she was changed. She almost does leave, but then Dianna finds her in the darkness.When she sees Taylor leaning against a tree, she grimaces (probably at the way she smells) but then smiles, big."Hey," she says, stares Taylor down for a moment too long. "You look like shit.""I know.""Carlisle called."Taylor had anticipated this."Of course," she brushes it off. She's not in the mood to talk. But she can't leave now. Well. She doesn't want to have to figure out what's next in her dreadful agenda, anyway. Dianna just stares, and her perfect face brings back too many unwanted memories. Taylor sighs. "Can I use your shower?"She can be a savage, but she's not technically a nomad. If you're going to live forever, why would you ever
purposefully
choose to do it without running water? Without
shampoo?"Please
do."-None of the other girls is surprised to see her, of course. They had heard her coming. Taylor says a quick hello, sees Kate waving excitedly and knows she wants to talk. She doesn't give her the chance to, going straight upstairs to Dianna's bathroom. Emmett isn't there - Taylor cannot sense his presence anywhere. From what she can pick up he hasn't been here in a couple of weeks, at least. His scent is still present, but very faint.Dianna's smell is heavy inside her bedroom; it's intoxicating, even after all this time. Taylor's skin burns against the air as if she has an allergy. She'll smell like her for a while, since she's going to shower here.
It's no big deal.
She's doesn't know if she's really nonchalant or if she's pretending to be. She just makes sure to be mindful of any Dianna memories pressing to come out.When the hot water hits her body, she instantly feels better. She wishes there was a way to get her insides clean like this - brushing and rinsing away every terrible decision. She wants to cry, but physically can't. The sadness she feels is impossible to deal with, because her body screams everything is
splendid. She feels so strong, so aware. Her mind is clear and alert, and it forces her to push away the despair. It's a terrible mix of emotions.When she comes out of the shower, she hears Dianna rummaging through her own closet to find clothes for her. She just stands by the sink and thinks it would be quite unsettling to any human to see her as she is now: completely still. The fact that she technically doesn't have to move to feel comfortable is one of the things she hasn't gotten fully used to.Nothing ever itches anymore. She misses it; the itching, the cramping, the anxious need to keep at least one of her feet tapping on the floor. She has to mimic human behavior every day not to draw attention to herself, but it's not the same.She hears the sound of fabric meeting fabric - clothes being put down on the bed. Feet move, then the door closes less than a second after. She comes out of the bathroom. A pair of jeans, a blouse, underwear, and a coat are on the bed. These were all hers - she had left them here, she remembers. Naturally, for she has not forgotten a thing in years.Why would she keep my things?
Taylor shakes her head.
I haven't kept any of hers.
She allows herself to remember for a moment, the day she left. Dianna's eyes full of tears,
tears of pity, Taylor thought then, but isn't sure now, analyzing the memory like a film reel rolling backwards and forwards. It's lost it's relevancy. She doesn't feel anything. And it isn't because she's full and her body's crushing the emotion away - there's nothing to be repressed.It's strange because just a couple of weeks prior she had admitted to Carlisle she still had feelings for Dianna. She wasn't lying, it felt awful to say it. His response infuriated her, "You're not meant to be". How could they not? How could she ever be capable of falling for her, despite her new and disgusting immortal ways, if they shouldn't be together?She can't say it enough: she hates the whole inevitable-vampire-mate debacle. Even now that her own system is making her go through it.
Plus, mine's a human! They told me that wasn't even possible!
It's truly astonishing how terrible her luck can be.She
wants
romantic love. Maybe that comes from what's left of her human personality, from her feeling lonely most of her life. However, true love isn't supposed to be like this. She knew it immediately after meeting her human...
Not my human, the human. The human. Looking into her eyes was all it took, Taylor was bound. That's not love. That's imprisonment.Every day they were together, she
chose
to be with Dianna. She wasn't forced to be. And maybe
forced
isn't the right word for what she feels for the human, but is still an yearning that is intrinsically not hers. She doesn't know who exactly is to blame, but it belongs to someone other than herself. Immortality was a choice made upon her.Nevertheless, she fell for Dianna. For her laugh, for the way she told stories, for her kiss, her magnetic hazel eyes. Gradually.
Naturally. Nothing was ever certain. But she stayed (until she couldn't, until she was made to leave).It's so peculiar, she can remember exactly how she felt, but there's nothing there anymore. Just the memory of how strong it once was. She was cautious when she arrived, but there was no need to be. She feels nothing for Dianna. And she knows why that is. It's in her blood, in every cell of her body. She's
meant
for someone else.She hates it; because it's real, plain and simple, and because it's completely out of her hands.Once she's fully dressed, she hears Dianna approaching the room. She knew she wouldn't be left alone for too long. She comes in without knocking and Taylor doesn't say anything. It's her room.She sits on the bed and watches as Taylor dries her hair with a towel. The taller girl raises an eyebrow."It's just good to see you," Dianna simply says.Taylor doesn't know how to respond. She's not hurt to see the other woman's face, but she can't say it brings her any kind of relief either."I missed you. We all did," Dianna stops for a moment, opens her mouth to say something else but it escapes her."I'm sorry to turn up out of the blue like this," Taylor murmurs."You're always welcome here," Taylor searches for a lie inside the other girl's eyes but only sees genuinely. "I'm unbelievably sorry about everything."Taylor looks away.
Sorry about breaking my heart or sorry to see me in a situation I've dreaded since I was turned? You know, I wouldn't have left you if it happened to me first. I would have stayed. I'm here now, running away from it. I'm strong enough to ignore the bond. Me - the liability, the crazy one. You could have done the same, back then. God knows you had guts for much worse.
There's a lot she wants to say, but she can't have this end up in a fight."How much do you know?"Dianna tilts her head, closes her eyes for a bit. Taylor decides she looks sad."Just that you found your mate," she answers. Taylor snorts. Sits on the bed next to the other blonde, laughing helplessly at her own stupid predicament. When she finally stops, she puts her head between her knees - in her human days that used to help with her anxiety. Now, it does nothing. She wishes she could be given some kind of comfort. It's becoming unbearable, all this running around, trying to somehow make the pointers move faster on the imaginary clock that ticks unrelentingly inside her head.Dianna says nothing else. She knows how much Taylor hates her own condition. When they were together, before she found her own soul twin, she used to be skeptical about it, too. Although she never despised it.Silence lingers for a moment, Taylor doesn't know how long. She watches the sun come up through the giant window on the left wall, burning in flashes of yellow and orange across the mountains of snow. She can look directly into the light without fear; it doesn't hurt her eyes."Do you want me to help you sleep?"Taylor exhales. Stubborn as she is, it takes everything in her to not say:
no, it's completely pointless, Dianna. But sleeping seems better than any other alternative.Dianna has the ability to make people see whatever she wants them to see. It can be done in various ways; a hallucination, a vivid dream, a muddy human-like memory, or exactly like your eyesight - a true manipulation of reality. She can also simulate unconsciousness. Taylor hasn't slept much on her own, so she wouldn't be able to tell how well it compares to the actual thing.She hadn't let Dianna use her powers on her when they were together. She'd say "it's an unfair advantage". A phrase full of double meanings, now that she looks at their relationship from the outside. Dianna was the dominant force and Taylor felt that, in every sense of the word."How long can you kept me out of it?""For as long as you'd like.""Three days?"Dianna masks her surprise with a soft smile."Sure," she chuckles."Okay, wake me up on Sunday, then."The shorter blonde raises her brows."What?""That's almost five days, Taylor," she doesn't hide her worried tone now. Dianna always saw time at a human speed, days and hours. That's very odd for a vampire. Taylor herself has a hard time keeping up, and she's technically a newborn. It can be very easy to lose track of time when you don't have a routine. That's one of the reasons why everyone in her family has a job - and she very much considers high school a job. She works as a Fake Human at a non-paying, detestable purgatory."I'm making up for all the years I haven't slept," she jokes, gives the other girl a small smile for reassurance. "I wouldn't be a burden, would I? You offered.""No, no. I don't have to leave for work until next week."Dianna's coven - Dianna, her mate Emmett (Taylor does not care enough to ask of his whereabouts), and her adoptive sisters, Kate and Tanya, are all historians. They work for both humans and vampires, finding lost artifacts in deeps parts of the ocean and remote places of the world where no one else could reach.They find the objects, restore them if needed, and sell them to the highest bidder. When she and her family lived with Dianna, there were often vampire collectors paying them a visit. Emmett was one of them.After that, of course, Taylor had to leave. Her family followed her - supportive as always. It's been a year since they moved to Forks, a year since she had her heart broken. She can't lie, now that she doesn't feel anything anymore, she misses the sex the most. Sex with a vampire has its perks. They're not soft and warm like a human, but they can keep going for much, much longer."What do you want to dream about?" Dianna asks, interrupting Taylor's thoughts."No dreams," she'd rather just be unconscious."I can't do that, that's terrible," she frowns."Why?""It's like your mind doesn't exist. I have to- Let's say, turn it down. I don't know how else to describe it. But you'll get no rest from it without the interruption and distraction dreams create. And from my perspective... It's very
strange. 'Cause I can feel you there but you're not really there, you know?"Taylor can't even begin to imagine what that would be like."Fine, then. Make them however you'd like. My mind is your empty canvas."The other girl gives her a small smile. After a moment of silence and a little tension, she finally gestures for Taylor to lay down on the bed (the same bed they shared many, many times).
She could've had a new one made, but it's probably not a big deal to her. Vampires usually have things made of titanium or a similar metal, tungsten or carbon steel, so they won't break as easily. Especially bedframes, it gets annoying having it break every time you get a little too excited."Get rid of that smirk," Dianna says, looking away. Taylor hadn't even realized she was smiling."I could go to one of the guest bedrooms," she suggests. How annoying and rude of her to not even hesitate when going straight to Dianna's room. There are three other empty bedrooms she could've used.
I guess I did it out of habit."No, that's okay," Dianna brushes it off. Taylor raises her brows. "Really, Taylor, please lay down."When Taylor places her head on the pillow, she doesn't mind Emmett's scent like she thought she would. It's their bed, now.
Would he be jealous to know I slept here?
She can't lie, that idea gives her a little bit of satisfaction. Just a little."If the dreams come on their own, should I let them be?" Dianna inquires after a moment.She really forgot how much of a liability Taylor is."Absolutely not."Dianna nods once. Taylor shifts her stare, looks at the celling, counting the many ways she'd feel uncomfortable if she were a human: one, sleeping wearing jeans; two, it must be freezing cold, she's doesn't have a blanket; three, her feet are bare, she could never sleep without socks before; four-"Close your eyes, Taylor," Dianna interrupts her thoughts. She does what she's told. Hears the other girl take a deep breath, takes one herself."I loved you. Maybe I still do. But, and I guess you must feel the same now, I stopped being in love with you the moment I looked into his eyes. And it wasn't by choice, it wasn't on purpose. It took so long for me to allow him in, because I still don't forgive myself. I would've stayed with you if I could, maybe before he touched me- I don't know if you touched
her- It's impossible to ignore it after that. Impossible. I don't know, you were always stronger than me. Maybe you've done it. All I can say it's it gets bigger. And it never stops. It's a constant, it brings you...
peace. I know the last thing you want to hear is me telling you should give this a chance, and I won't. I just want you to be happy. I'm so, so sorry," Dianna rants, and the pain in her voice is too much to take.Tears build up and Taylor finally feels the despair that was being held hostage by her own subconscious. She wants to scream."Just turn it off, please," she begs. Dianna concedes.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Dianna keeps her word: Taylor doesn't dream on her own. The dreams she has are peaceful and contextless. They stream over her consciousness without claiming judgement - she doesn't feel anything.Time doesn't pass the same way. She's sure there are moments when she's not dreaming, but she can't pinpoint how long they last. Sometimes she's so unaware she's asleep, she mistakes things as real, and so the dream ends abruptly. When Dianna finally wakes her, she swears it's the same day.She finally understands the purpose of sleeping as an immortal. The break from reality, the moment of pause. It grants perspective. It's not relief - maybe not for Taylor in particular - but it comes close.She's used to her immortal mind always being clear as day (with the exception of the temporary inebriation that comes from drinking a lot of alcohol in a small period of time, but that only lasts a few seconds. Minutes, if she chugs down an absurd amount). Waking up after being unconscious for nearly five days does not change that fact. Her mind works the same way as before, thoughts running over thoughts; her awareness organizing itself in chambers and rooms, prisons and coffins. There is a place for everything -- it is only ever busy if it's wounded.The one thing she can compare to experiencing in her old, human psyche is heartbreak. It hurts the same, taking over every sense.Maybe there are levels of rationality. Maybe she can see something clearly and still not understand it completely. Maybe her optics are tainted by her own hurt. Things remain the same. She is, however, able to have a better view of the bigger picture now. And it only serves to validate her previous resolve.She must protect the human her immortality decided to claim as hers - Karlie. She must make sure Karlie's safe. It's not her fault and Taylor can't bear the thought of imposing her life or herself on an innocent human. She must say goodbye to her family. She must leave to Italy. She must die. If she doesn't make the decision now she'll keep letting things on hold, continuously creating pretexts to justify her avoidance of the evil she has committed.She can sum it up. She can finally see it happening. Not as a possibility, but as an inevitability. She's always been good at fooling herself, but now she can see an end to her constant need for excuses. It is a good thing.
If I hadn't had time to rest, would I be in this same state of mind?
She sighs, finally opening her eyes.
It doesn't matter.
Taylor decides she's grateful that she found her way here. Dianna took away five days she definitely did not need, five days in which she would've probably made countless more mistakes. Now she can focus on what's in front of her. She can return to Forks to get the closure she had to wait for.Dianna watches as she comes out of her somniferous state. She feels a strange need to stretch - it's not uncomfortable but it's there. She elongates her entire body like a feline. It feels good, like it's supposed to."You've been still for a long time," Dianna explains in a low tone. Now that Taylor's paying attention, the other girl looks tense. The taller blonde raises her eyebrows, puzzled. Dianna shakes her head, once, slowly. Taylor stops moving in the statue-like way only vampires can. Something's wrong. "Kate insists she can crack her neck after a long nap, I've never actually seen it."Her laugh sounds normal on the outside, but Taylor knows her too well. She keeps still.In regards to Kate: the kid's wrong.Carlisle has written books about vampire anatomy with all the knowledge he's acquired during the time he lived with the Volturi clan - they have custody of most of the studies on their bodies, their magic. Endless lists of spells that can't be cast due the lack of witches; essays and journals that were "illegally" written and therefore confiscated. Carlisle has allowed her to read some of the material he's recreated from memory, but not all of it. She's learned their bodies are quite literally frozen, numb; maintained by a mixture of different components from human blood and vampire blood.Most of the studies are on their venom, there's not a lot about how each of the organs work, nothing on psychology either. Surgery and autopsy are not seen with good eyes by immortals. Being as egotistical as they are, they consider their bodies and their blood sacred; therefore, not to be meddled with. It is practically impossible to sustain an open cut on their skin for too long, anyhow. After all her suicide attempts, Taylor has learned this the hard way.The connective tissue and cartilage in between their organs are extremely resilient. She imagines it'd definitely take more than one vampire to kill another. After pressing on the subject from a long time, Edward finally told her decapitation is the only way to do it, and afterwards the body and the head must be burnt separately.
How fun.She's glad there isn't more to it. There isn't a thing such as a slow decapitation, is there? No, no. It must be quick. She knows the Volturi only torture if there's information to be given, if not, they kill right away. They are impatient, the guard. They probably won't seek her permanence in their clan. There's nothing interesting about her, nothing that they can use. She must start to think of ways she can get their attention.
Not now. Not yet.Nevertheless, the cracking sound comes from gas bubbles bursting in between joints. Human joints. Theirs are very much solidified.So, Kate's mistaken.Dianna doesn't say anything in the half second Taylor's mind wonders - although, she doubts 'wondering' is the right word to express the constant and unending way her mind works. It's annoying how she cannot manage to keep a focus point. Taylor can often sense Edward hates it - a fact which improves her mood even in her hardest days.It's sudden, then, the way the other woman seizes control of her head. Quick, and at once. It takes a moment for Taylor to understand that she isn't asleep - but senseless. No sight, no hearing. She can feel her limbs, but she does not move. A terrible feeling in her gut tells her to stay put. Dianna grants back her autonomy for an instant too long. She listens carefully for every person in every room of the house."I am sorry we couldn't help you tonight, gentlemen," Tanya says, her voice kind but cautious."We'll just have to hope you'll look harder, won't we?" is said by a male voice Taylor does not recognize. He sounds bored, old. Older vampires talk like they can't be bothered to be understood."Surely," Emmett says, calmly."We must go, Demetri," another male voice, stronger, but somehow less intimidating than the first. He seems slightly amused. "Thank you, lovely Tanya."Oh. Demetri
Volturi, the tracker. Taylor knows the names and powers of the entire Volturi guard. She'd heard the story once.She moves before she can't even process it.
Maybe I could end this sooner than I imagined...Once in the living room, she observes the scene: Two men dressed in all black, except for a silver chain with a red pendant hanging from their necks. The taller one kisses Tanya's hand. Tanya, Emmett and Kate are standing side by side. Not one of them looks at her. Dianna follows Taylor downstairs, moving past her as if she doesn't exist."I came to say goodbye," she simply tells them.The taller man turns to Dianna and smiles, entranced. He kisses her hand. Taylor had been taking small steps towards the group, but now she stops moving. Demetri walks by her, close enough she can smell his breath; but he does not acknowledge her presence either.She feels Dianna's scared eyes on her for half a second.
Oh. She's been hiding me.Taylor, they will kill you right now, Demetri will kill you right now, do not-, she hears inside her head.Her feet move again, without her permission. She tries to keep up with him.YOUR HUMAN WILL DIE TODAY!, Dianna screams, still only to her.She stops in her tracks. Out of instinct more than anything else.Her own reaction angers her, deeply and completely. It's as if she has no control of her limbs. Her usual amount of self-restraint is already noticeably low - being a slave to her bloodthirst, a slave to her immortality. But this is a whole new kind of powerlessness.The sickening way they all keep using this bond against her is what's more revolting. How is this any good for anyone? For the human, especially?
How's my presence in her life something not to be avoided? Can't they see I will ruin her life? That if I don't somehow kill her in the process.'Demetri will kill you right now', what a fucking liar. The Volturi don't kill without cause. They'll come up with a reason themselves if deemed necessary. But never without being incited to.The two man are gone, now. She can no longer hear them. She's still paralized. She won't follow. She
can't, not this instant, not while knowing of what will happen if she does. How could she ever think she'd be okay carrying the weight of the human's death on her shoulders? So foolish. It is not Taylor's decision to save her. It is her role, her duty.
Duty. Duty sounds a lot like burden.It's so clear now. Moreso than before. She knows what she feels. There are way too many reasons for her to continue to push her thoughts away, but it's getting harder. Nearly impossible. The image of the girl is locked inside one of the many cells in her head. There's a key somewhere in the human's pocket, put there by Taylor's own hand. It won't be long until she finds it and sets herself free; the thought of her exploding all over Taylor's veins, her frozen limbs, the tip of her tongue."I know we're all dammed to fire and brimstone, but you," she stares at Dianna. "will have a special little place amongst the flames. If I kill her, it'll be on you, too. Have fun with your himbo over there. For eternity until hell," she raises an imaginary glass dramatically.Kate and Tanya look worried. Dianna looks angry. Emmett looks...amused."Everything's on you, Taylor. It wouldn't be this hard if you weren't so scared of what you've become."
Fire and brimstone, I was saying.
"I fucking despise you," Taylor's voice drips with venom. "You still can't see me clearly. I'm not scared for myself.""I'm not so sure about that. Why is it so hard for you to make peace with yourself when you have never killed an innocent person? This is what I think about the most. I think about you all the time, Taylor. Because of us - because we went so wrong. And because I care. Maybe I'd understand your attitude if you had taken a life, or maybe not even then. But I know, because you told me, you let me dig inside your brain, you let me in... All you wanted before was
to live.
You have that opportunity now. You're scared to take it. You're scared to let yourself feel anything."Dianna always had a way of getting under her skin. She could bring out the best and worst in her.
Still does.
Tears fall from Taylor's eyes while she watches the smaller woman's expression as she speaks, going from enraged to calm, then tender.But there's so much more to it.
Her reasons are so countless they overwhelm her."If I let myself feel, I'll become a killer then," is all she mumbles."Wrong, again," there finality in her tone. As if what she says it's a fact, not an opinion.Taylor simply shakes her head, her cheeks tainted black by her own tears. This is who she is - a creature who cries in darkness, in blood - literally.
If scared is what I am, I'm right to be."Come here, you idiot," Kate says, when Taylor finally looks at her she sees the girl's crying too - eyes and cheeks stained onyx. Taylor faintly wonders if their organs are the same color as their blood and tears. Rotten, dead.Kate's the youngest (when turned) vampire Taylor has met. She's lucky she looks older than her actual age - the frame of a grown woman with a baby face. The Volturi don't tolerate turning teens younger than sixteen. She's forever stuck at fourteen. Taylor cannot fathom such a predicament; being a child forever. It could be argued, of course, seventeen is too young too. Taylor's brain will never fully develop, her emotions will always have a flair of adolescence, no matter how long she lives.
I'll be done soon, anyway. And fourteen is much more brutal.
After a moment of no response from Taylor, Kate walks over and hugs her."Carlisle's worried about you. I was the one who spoke to him on the phone," she mumbles."I know," Taylor relents, hugging the other girl back. "And let me guess, Selena also called to say the Volturi were coming.""We were actually already expecting them," Tanya says, with an apologetic look. "One of them, at least.""The tracker was a surprise," Dianna explains."They're still making you look for it?" Taylor asks, tone still low but the curiosity taking over. Vampire arguments must be so strange to watch. Like a terribly paced soap opera scene. She was just saying she
despised
Dianna not even five minutes ago. Oh, the rollercoaster of emotions.
I am a teenager, after all."Yep," Kate says. "You might want to die but I don't. If we don't find this thing they'll
definitely
have a reason to kill us off."Taylor scoffs."They can't kill you for not finding something that doesn't exist," Taylor says.
Well, they could and they would."Someone, not something," Emmett says, with a small smile. It seems he's a skeptic, too."That's even more bonkers," she says."Bonkers? Have you seen yourself lately?" Dianna winks.Quite literally a soap opera.-Turns out she's not escorted back to Forks as she imagined they'd force her to be. They just let her leave. She suspects Selena has something to do with that, somehow. She doesn't apologize to anyone. While she cleans her face in the barthroom, Kate doesn't let go of her waist the entire time. They walk back downstairs like siamese twins until the smaller girl finally releases her. Taylor shares one last look with Dianna. Adverts her eyes as she says goodbye. Then leaves.She can't lie: It's all becoming a tad bit unbearable. She can no longer stand her own thoughts. She lasted what, an hour? She was so determined when she woke up. So at peace.
I must go back to Forks! Then I must go to Italy! I must DIE!
If there's one thing she can count on is being interrupted on every plan she makes.She has to jump through all kinds of hoops and justify herself in innumerous ways to get to one little shred of oportunity to finally
die. And this human gets it by chance, by accident! She doesn't even know it's coming. And Taylor's now running through the woods, all disgustingly wet again from the rain,
knowing, knowing, knowing.She doesn't think of Karlie. Not directly. Taylor thinks of her name, the concept of her... But doesn't allow the image of her face to truly materialize, still locked somewhere dark and unreachable. She timidly thinks of her
skin, how lively it looked. So flushed, so soft. Taylor loves the peculiarity of tones of the human skin. They're so easy to see with her immortal eyes. The different shades and hues, each one unlike the other. Vampire skin is akin in one very fundamental way; it always has the same undertone. Blue, and cool. It's why they all look sick all the time.The idea of Karlie's skin - more specifically of her collarbone - is tempting enough, so Taylor forces herself to stop thinking about it.She thinks of Carly with a C instead. Another bad idea, and Taylor knows it immediately. She's instantly aroused. The vampiric inherent need for sex is surely something else. It is part of their spell, for reasons Taylor hasn't been able to truly understand.Living with two couples can be so odd because of this...inconvenience. They make up all kinds of excuses so they can go away to fuck. It's the main reason why Jasper wants to leave with Edward. They're so horny all the time. It's such an uncomfortable subject, especially with Edward reading all of their minds (you wouldn't want to know when the main paternal/maternal figure in your life is thinking about sex). But it's not something they can help with, the same with mating.It is so strange - the spell compells you to find someone to be sexually involved with forever but you can never reproduce. The first two steps of a christian marriage, but they cannot acomplish the last. Not that Taylor cares about religion, or reproducing, or gender roles. It's just interesting, and she wonders if that was what the curse was intended for in the old, old times."To strip away our rights to heaven? Sounds weird coming from the witches of Salem," Edward's voice echoes from a little more than twenty miles away.
I can't believe he can hear me already."You can hear me, too," he points out.
Unfortunately.
"You okay?"
Eh...
He sighs. "It'll be this morning."Her stomach twirls with anxiety. Her entire body is suddenly on alert mode.
Will there be blood?
"Selena's not certain yet."
How can she not be? She already saw it.
"Her visions have been wavering rapidly. You keep changing paths."
I'm coming, aren't I?
"Still, you're too erratic," Taylor starts following the familiar trail to their house at a human pace once she's close enough. "She could die."
By accident. By chance.
"I'm aware. You
all
made sure of it."Edward's sitting on the front steps when she finally arrives at their home. He stares at her in tenderness then quickly changes to his usual expression of annoyance."Don't be mad. We had to warn the Denalis for other reasons. You're not the center of the universe.""Am I not?" Taylor crosses her arms. He grimaces in fake sympathy. She sighs deeply, gathering all her strength not to punch him. "I'm saving her then I'm gone. I don't care what Selena sees."He simply stares at her. Selena walks out as her name is said (she had been expecting it, naturally)."Stop being difficult," she scolds with a small smile."Sure, mom," Taylor listens for the other members of her family but there's no one else inside the house."Jasper's gone out to think, they just had another fight," she points at Edward, he doesn't react. "Carlisle's left earlier too - you're not the only one who's saving a human this morning. Esme's...at the school.""Why would she be at the school?"Selena inhales deeply before saying:"You
might
need her there."Taylor stares at the both of them in confusion."Won't you two be there?"Selena avoids her eyes."What, Selena?""She's better at compelling.""I- I'm the best one at that, and I... I just- Technically I
just
fed. Who do we need to compell? I can do it," Taylor says nervously - not because she's not confident in herself; but because Selena definitely saw something bad happening and is tiptoeing around her like she's a child, as usual."Look, Taylor, I have a couple possible scenarios to work with here and I'm sending Esme just in case too many people see it. Stop questioning my methods."
Again, my own decisions are never up to me.
"No,
no! I have a right to-""No, you don't! You're already making this harder than it needs to be," her suddenly serious tone scares Taylor. But she won't take this silently."Fine, I'm your little puppet, then. As always. Things will play out as you see them,
because
you see them.""She gets so mean so fast," Edward chuckles."She's just lost," Selena mumbles as if she had told him this many times. Taylor can't help but roll her eyes. "Let me handle this, then we'll talk. Okay?"She clenches her fists. Her siblings watch her carefully."I thought
I
was supposed to handle it.""You just need to focus on Karlie."She frows, starts walking inside at human speed. Selena follows, Edward doesn't."That's precisely what I shouldn't do, but go ahead and tell me what you saw.""I'm serious, Taylor."She is still using her terrifying low tone of voice, so Taylor believes her."Fine,
fine. Just tell me, then."Silence. She stops and turns to stare at Selena again with raised brow."I'm so sorry, I can't. Your nerves will get the best of you.""My nerves already are in full havoc mode.""Exactly." She approches slowly, takes Taylor's right hand in hers. "You need to calm down.""I'm as calm as I'm going to be in this situation, Sel. What do you want me to do? Run a bath, drink some tea? You made me dread this. I was ready to take another path.""You are here solely to ensure Karlie's safety," is all she says as she lets go of Taylor's hand, angry again. "We'll all be there too, in case you need us. Just go about today as if it is any other day."Taylor scoffs."That's it?""Yes."-She
does
run a bath. Throws in all kinds of salts and essencial oils that will do nothing but affect (very slightly) the natural, forever unchanging scent of her skin. She submerges her entire body. It's easy to pretend she's not nervous when she has no sense of smell. She can still hear Edward and Selena moving around the house, but tries to ignore that. Her sister's right: she needs to calm down. If she can manage to do everything right today there's still a very good chance things can go her way.She must avoid touching her, that Taylor knows for sure. She doesn't want to know what kind of frenzy a simple touch will cause.So she sets some ground rules:
No touching.
No talking.
No eye-contact.
Edward laughs loudly from the living room. Taylor suddenly emerges from the water - way too harshly - the marble cracks and breaks in half. She wraps herself in a robe and leaves the flooded bathroom as if nothing had happened."Go clean that right now before Esme finds out," she hears Selena tell Edward.Should I break more things for you to clean?
Taylor thinks as she picks an outfit to wear. Red sweater: just in case she gets blood on her (Selena clearly stated that as a possibility). Dark pants, dark coat, combat boots. Practical.Edward doesn't answer. She hears him working on the mess she left in the bathroom as she gets dressed and dries her curls. The sun rises. If she went about her day as normal now would be the time for her talks with Carlisle. 'You're not the only one who's saving a human this morning.'Where is he?, she asks Edward."The roads are very dangerous for humans because of the ice. Selena saw another accident that could be prevented."She had just come from Alaska so the snow didn't quite surprise her. And it is the usual Forks weather. But the way he says it makes her think Karlie's accident will be because of the thin ice, too.Edward doesn't acknowledge these thoughts.
Must we save every Forks resident from imminent death?
"We must."-The next couple of hours pass in this same chaotic manner. She nearly gets in a real physical altercation with Edward but forces herself to hold back; she knows she can't win a fight agaisnt the mind reader. When is time to leave, she does what she was told to do: gets a ride with them to school like every other "normal" week day.In the car, they all keep silent at first. Taylor silently wonders how Selena can see these accidents as possibilities if they're incidental. She had been told she doesn't see a future set in stone - but how can she be sure of unintended choices?"She's not," Edward answers."So there's a possibility the accident won't happen?"
Don't give me false hope."Not anymore. Her path is set at this point - even if it's only a consequence of one of the odds," he says."It still makes no sense to me.""The future's about odds more than it is about choices. People don't often change course unless a new one presents itself. Our autonomy is evidently implicated here, but most of it is left up to a series of contexts. Maybe that's why so many people believe in destiny. It's easy to arrive at a destination that's already determined by a limited selection of alternatives," Selena explains - or attempts to."So the future's not set in stone but you can't deviate? That's even worse.""Of course you can deviate. We do it all the time. But you're asking if situations caused in spontaneity are predictable, and yes, they are. Everything's always a possibility. Because sometimes it's not up to us to decide."Taylor considers that for a second."Why can't we just...find a quick way to stop her from being there before it happens?""We could, but that would set in place a few new not so good paths full of not so good consequences for us. I'm looking at the bigger picture here.""We're working on our best prospect, Taylor. It's getting clearer and clearer," Edward says. He doesn't hide the relief in his voice. She looks at Selena for a moment: her eyes are unfocused. "Trust us."Taylor sighs."You make that
very
hard."They finally arrive at the school's parking lot. Edward and Selena get out of the car at the same time, so Taylor follows. They're out of her sight in seconds. Taylor searches for Karlie: she doesn't know which car is hers but it doesn't take long for her to find her, standing taller than most students.Taylor breathes rapidly, overwhealmed by the sight of her. She looks so
cold, her face redder than the last time Taylor had seen her.
To be fair she was unconscious, so the lack of color was understandable. Wait. Oh, God. Is she okay? Why did she pass out last week? I still don't know why! Why didn't I ask? She does not look well-rested. Is she still sick?
Taylor had completely pushed the thought of their last encounter away from her head. She knew she'd get extremely anxious. Exactly like this.
Shut the fuck up and watch out for anything that could potentially hurt right right now. That's what you're here to do!She holds herself in place, actively avoiding walking down the parking lot to get nearer. Taylor faintly notices the sound a vehicle driving dangerously fast nearby. The human drops her car keys on the wet floor.Karlie stands back up and stares directly at Taylor in one movement - not as if she was searching for her; but like she
knew
Taylor was there. She turns to the sound a second earlier than Karlie does. The vampire is surprised when she shouldn't be. She nearly screams. The parking lot is
packed.She would die now, for her. But then again, if she
could
die - if she were human, she wouldn't be compelled to.Fortunately for Karlie - in this very short moment, in this very specific life and death situation - Taylor's compelled to.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle, Taylor mumbles under her breath as soon as she walks in the ER. He's in here somewhere, his scent is warm and recent. Karlie's still being carried out of the ambulance. Taylor doesn't look, just listens as she walks down the mostly empty hospital corridors in search of her adoptive father. She makes sure the nurses on the front desk don't see her."I'm okay, seriously, I can walk just fine," she hears the human insist. "Dad, please. This isn't necessary.""You could have internal bleeding, Karls," Charlie says worriedly.Internal bleeding?
Taylor gasps involuntarily and quickens her step immediately, moving too fast now for the human eye to see anything but a flash of golden. She finally hears her father's voice coming from his office."She's here," he states the moment she walks in."Please go, you must see her now. She was
crying! I think I moved too fast. She definitely saw- or at least felt- that I'm... She's in danger.
She can't know, Carlisle! The Volturi-""I'll come down to examine her. Wait here. Where's your sister?""I have no idea," her brain is all Karlie.I'm doomed. I'm doomed now. Now that there are no humans around, she can't control the sobbing that comes out of her throat. She cries forcefully;
loudly. Carlisle holds her by her shoulders. Her entire body vibrates as she whimpers."She'll be okay, I will make sure of it," he assures her."S-she'll die because of me," Taylor mumbles, trying to get a hold of herself."She's alive because of you."Page Dr. Cullen, they both hear one of the nurses in the ER announce as Karlie continues to vehemently tell everyone that there is nothing wrong with her.Taylor sits and puts her head between her legs. Useless move, of course. Carlisle waits. When she realizes he still hasn't moved, she looks up and groans angrily:"Dad,
go!"He furrows his brows."Selena's here," he says after a moment. Taylor hadn't paid attention to anything but Karlie's shaky breaths and various verbal articulations of discontent."Oh, the great solver of all problems!" Taylor laughs sadly. Her sister walks in, always
so
calm and centered, sharing a knowing look with Carlisle as he leaves the room to answer his page. Taylor scoffs. "So,
that
was our best prospect, was it? You do realize she was conscious through it all? She saw me standing on the other side of the lot. I didn't have time to compell her.""You didn't have the time or you
couldn't?" Selena asks, plain and simple. Taylor opens her mouth but no words come out. "Don't answer. I don't want to fight right now."She doesn't have the energy for it either. She just turns her ears back to the conversations coming from the ER. There's nothing her sister could say or do that would be helpful in the way she wants it to be. Her main goal is to be dead and gone by the end of this nightmare. Selena's goal is to keep her alive. Taylor's being guided and manipulated into taking every step towards Selena's ideal endgame. Her sister's this raw, shameless, unconditional creature she can't and could never fully control. Vampires are never too worried about morality as long as they get what they want. Selena isn't an exception.
How long will I allow this to go on?"Miss Kloss, it is great to see you again but I wish it was in better circumstances. What happened?" Carlisle asks calmly.Taylor gets up from her seat and grabs some tissues from Carlisle's desk to clean the dark tear stains from her cheeks, determined to see this through."Is my face okay?"Selena just nods. Taylor walks out, anxious. Runs through the empty halls again, changing to a human pace right before walking in the ER. Karlie's eyes find hers
instantly
when she enters. The eletricity that burns through Taylor's veins is overwhelming. The human looks away automatically, flushed and clearly exasperated.The room smells like fresh blood - the girl who had (almost) hit Karlie with her van is on the bed next to her, being tended to by a PA. Her arm is clearly broken, her forehead stained red. Taylor holds her breath out of habit."I'm doing fine," Karlie states once again, also looking at the injured girl on her left as to indicate Carlisle should examine her first."Let me be the judge of that," Carlisle says with a light chuckle. He touches her head in search of concussions. Karlie twitches involuntarily, probably due to the coldness of his fingers.
She didn't flinch when I touched her.
The most dangerous moment of her life and she didn't flinch.It is impossible not to think about it now. She can't force the thoughts away, lock them into prisons and coffins like she's grown used to. Not these thoughts. Not when Karlie's
right there, breathing heavily, cheeks still flushed, eyes still red from her tears. Not when Taylor lied to and manipulated her father, two teachers and three medical professionals in the short period of time after the incident.Not when she put her life in danger.She
has
to feel this. Otherwise she won't carry the weight of her guilt in fullness. She has to allow the monster in in order to continue to see, clearly and in color, why she shouldn't change her path into the hands of the italian pseudo vindicators of immortal peace. She is to blame for every second of this. Even if her sister brought her here, if her brother's hand pushed her body into it.Touching Karlie changed her in a
fundamental
way. Dianna was right. It seemed as if every second of her life had led her to that moment. Not to the immediate aftermath, the prolongation of a metaphorical needle filled with heroin into her veins, the blow of fire and powder infecting her lungs, the shock of adrenaline running through her blood - but that
big bang, that clash of atoms. There is no drug analogy that could exemplify the experience in its entirely. She has no idea how she didn't kill her in that exact moment. If her fingers had pressed a little further into her cheek, she's sure she could've cracked her jaw.She never truly allowed herself to feel her own power like this - to the extent of cells and milliseconds, layers of skin and everything in between. For a moment, she had the illusion of one of Karlie's ribs breaking agaisnt the fabric of her coat. She imagined the sound, clear as the glass windows breaking, the shards ripping through the air - even the white noise was vibrant and present in her ears; before the screams of horror and the van driver's blood started dripping on the car seats over her head. Taylor felt as if was covered in it.She wants to cry again. Her entire body aches, pounds, throbs. The emptiness she feels is overpowering. Because she
craves
that moment. She lusts at the idea of experiencing it again. Yes, the moment she
nearly killed
Karlie. She has no words to describe how disgusted she is by her own thoughts. She feels sick, but with no bile to expel out of her throat.When she finally moved, she felt the elasticity of it - like drying glue. Or
blood. (Or arousal). All of her fingers moved at once, and then
Karlie moved
along with her. Her hands nearly shake at the thought. She has no idea how she managed to pull away without hurting her. She has no clue how she managed to
speak.She was completely taken by her thrist, then. She saw her reflection shining on the blue paint of the van; her fangs were out, her eyes pitch black, the veins underneath her eyes prominent and pulsing.
How did I do it... How, how, how...She doesn't have the strength to ponder about it anymore. She just has to see it through to the end.Charlie addresses her with a nod as she approaches, she replies with the smallest of smiles. She can't just ignore him after compelling the man into thinking his daughter's accident was worse than it looked like. She doesn't need to be Jasper to feel his anxiety right now. He hovers over Karlie, waiting apprehensively for Carlisle's assessment. Taylor can relate to his concern more than she's comfortable with admiting, but she keeps her distance; eyes on the ground, hands crossed over her chest as if to keep herself from moving. She is mentally exhausted. But she can't bear the thought of leaving this unfinished.
"I don't think you have a concussion, Karlie, but I am going to ask for an X-ray just to be sure, okay?""Ugh, not again," she mumbles.Carlisle smiles tenderly. Taylor furrows her brows slightly remembering the human had been here last week before she left and Taylor wasn't here for any of it. She feels guilty, outraged at her own stubbornness.
I should have stayed to see if she was okay.
She sighs deeply and Karlie notices it, squints at her, sullen and still furious. Taylor holds back a bitter smile.
That's just great. She forgot she should hold in her breath in case she needs to talk without having to smell the blood. She could only get a few words out now (if needed) after that sigh.
Damn it."It'll be over before you know it," Carlisle assures the human, then asks a nurse to take her up to radiology."What about
her?" Karlie's eyes flicker to Taylor, her tone accusatory.Taylor winces internally."I'm just waiting for my dad," she says, innocently. Almost no oxygen in her lungs now.
I- Somebody
needs to compell her immediately.
She's too angry and too observant for her own good."Taylor's just fine," Carlisle tells Charlie and Karlie in a casual tone. "She just needs a ride home."A good enough reason to explain why she's awkwardly standing there, but then again, she could be in the waiting room - along with the dozens of teens who keep arriving to get updates on the accident. It is a small town, after all.
And technically, I was part of the accident. I should be seen here. That's the story we should maintain. Where's Edward the first time I actually need him to read my thoughts!"I can give her a ride, after this is all sorted out," Charlie offers.
Oh, no, chief. I'd rather not kill your daughter in the backseat of your wagon. Taylor's hard stare reaches Karlie's as the human looks down at her hands, biting her lip.Using the last of her air and doing everything in her power to keep her tone polite, she starts:"That's not necessary-""Well, Lisa here needs a little bit more of my attention," Carlisle interrupts without looking at any of them. "I might be long. You can wait in my office if you want to stay, Taylor."His tone is careful. As if to say,
stay but keep your distance.
"Actually, can I speak to you?" Karlie says as one of the older nurses comes over and makes her sit in a wheelchair. Taylor's focused on the way the human complies to being wheeled out of the room without any protests. It takes a beat for the vampire to notice she might be talking to her.Taylor tilts her head, not allowing any sign of emotion to come through her exterior.
I should talk to her. Set her story straight. I can do it. We need to get away from this room, though. Can't risk hurting her here."No time for girl talk right now," the nurse interrupts before anyone else can say anything. "Let's go, we won't be long, I promise."Taylor's eyes do not follow the two women as they leave the room.
She still needs to be compelled. Maybe Esme can do it? Carlisle won't do it, I know he won't. The psychic twins won't help either. Jasper could be dead for all I know.She breathes in again. The burning in her throat is painful but Karlie is no longer in the room, so it should be safe."You need to finish what you started," Edward's voice and scent hit her at the same time. Her nose finds him at the entrance. It's hard to focus on the vampiric scents when there's a human with an open cut near her.
Oh, there he is.
"I'll be waiting upstairs, dad," she says, more to the humans in the room than to Carlisle himself. She knows he heard Edward too."Are you sure you're okay?" Charlie asks, but still keeps his distance. Mustache man. Today was the first time she properly interacted with him. She vaguelly recalls he was at First Beach when the wolves confronted her. (She wasn't surprised to find out shape-shifters exist - it could be worse. It
is
worse.)"Yes, chief. Don't worry about me," she gives him a small nod, then leaves the room.
Ugh! Talking to humans doesn't normally make me feel this awkward.She listens for Karlie - she's upstairs, taking a deep breath as the technician prepares the X-ray machine. That won't take long. Taylor exhales, glad that it's almost over. Edward finds her in the corridor. They talk in hushed whispers:"I'm worried I hurt her.""You didn't."A strained sigh comes out of her lips."Someone
needs to compell her before she tells another human. She didn't have the time to talk to her dad yet, I made sure of it.""Taylor.""Edward.""We won't do that.""We, meaning you and Sel?""We, meaning the entire family.""You have to be kidding me!""There's a reason why you can't do it. We won't get in the way of your bond.""Not even to
keep her safe?""She's your mate. She's allowed to know. In fact, she
must.""Don't fucking say that."He clicks his tongue."I find it incredulous that you're still able to resist it. I'm beginning to think you're just doing this to be an ass.""I could've killed her. I came very,
very
close. You do realize that, I know you do. You guys love to meddle with my future just for kicks, but it is
her life
that is now on the line.""You are
both
alive, despite your idiotic instincts and her magnetism for near-death experiences. If we left it up to you, you wouldn't be. We don't play God just because like it. Try to cooperate.
She's alive, and we made sure no one else saw.""Edward, listen to me, please! I
will
kill her if I'm not careful. I have no doubt about it.""Then be careful.""I also won't stay here to deal with the consequences of her knowing.""You're not leaving. And she doesn't know anything concrete yet.""Yet.""The ball's in your court. We will try to keep our distance now.""Oh,
now
you won't interfere?"
Just when I need you to. Of course.
"Not unless someone's life is at stake.""You're telling me hers isn't? Were you not in my head in the parking lot? Did you not see how close I was-""You are not going to hurt her, Taylor. Not anytime soon, anyway."She's doesn't see how continuing to get angry at her family will help. It hasn't up until this point. If she has to do this alone, maybe it's better if they stop getting involved.
Call a meeting with everyone tonight.
She'll make sure of it.Edward simply nods. "Be careful."-She's waiting outside radiology, leaning agaisnt the wall next to the door, listening. They had just finished the exam. The nurse who was accompanying Karlie is getting paged. She can also hear a technician on a computer - probably preparing to develop the x-ray image of Karlie's head."Come on, kid," the nurse says."I can walk," Karlie mumbles for the hundreth time, still frustrated."Fine, then. You seem well enough," the older woman finally relents with a sigh. "Let's go."Taylor feels as if she can hear Karlie smile from the other side of the wall. The vampire takes a long deep breath in preparation. They begin to walk out. Taylor doesn't want to startle them, so she steps backwards and pretends as if she was mid walk as they come out of the room.
"Oh- Is everything okay, miss Cullen? Are you lost?" The nurse asks, surprised to see her.It takes a beat for Taylor to answer because Karlie's standing right beside her - they had not yet stood side by side like this. Karlie's at least five inches taller than Taylor. The vampire's taken aback for a split second. The rhythmic beat of Karlie's heart gets stronger. She tenses, Taylor notices, crosses her arms against her chest. Like she could keep Taylor from hearing it.
She doesn't know I can hear it, the vampire reminds herself.Taylor is holding her breath but she decides to take a chance and inhale. The hallway - most of the hospital, actually - was already tainted with Karlie's smell and it didn't make Taylor go into a frenzy or anything (yet). Maybe only if they touch it'll trigger her bloodthrist in a dangerous way. She doesn't pull the air in completely at first, just lets it fill her lungs at its own pace.
Okay.
The smell of her is as mouthwatering as any other human - maybe a little sweeter than most. Maybe Taylor's just too biased to say. But she can handle it. She breathes in, fully.
That's...very sweet. Okay.
Flashes of the parking lot incident come to mind before she can stop her own subconscious.
Damn it. I can do it. Don't let it get to my head."I'm fine. I was actually looking for you," She says before she can overthink it, her voice dripping honey; ready for all the lies, deceit, maniputation, etc. She'll burn in hell soon enough, yadda, yadda."Me?" Karlie asks, surprised.Taylor smiles politely, gestures towards her -
carefully. Keeping a very clear distance."You said you wanted to talk to me," she reminds the human. Her voice lingers on the word
wanted."Uh... Y-Yeah, right..." Karlie stutters, already flushed.
Great.Taylor turns to the older woman and says, casually:"I'll make sure she gets back," her pupils dialate as she gets inside the nurse's head. The woman simply nods and leaves.
Simple, easy. Now do that with Karlie.Karlie watches the interaction, in clear awe and suspicion.
Damn it. Was she close enough to see...? I mean, there was nothing for her to see. Technically. Physically. You can erase that moment from her head too anyway, just in case."So...?" Taylor absolutely needs to know what's on her mind. For her family's safety. And because she's curious.
Karlie shifts her weight from one foot to the other, breathes in."Well, firstly...are you okay?"Taylor furrows her brows for a fraction of a second, holds in her breath again.
What is her angle here? Is this her way of questioning why I'm not hurt? Why the both of us aren't, especially when the other girl involved in the accident is currently having her forehead stitched up, her arm immobilized?
"I'm fine," Taylor casually says. "We're both really lucky, it seems" she implicitly includes herself as a victim alongside with the human, to try to avoid suspicion.Karlie shakes her head slightly."I'm lucky you were there," she says. Her heart is still beating fast, but her tone is clear and confident. The human has no doubt she was somehow saved.
Somehow.
Taylor scoffs jokingly."It all happened so fast," she mimics a human response, chuckling. In actuality, for her, it felt like an eternity.
"You pulled me out of the way," Karlie states. Again - confidently. That does not scare Taylor, it
worries
her. Karlie doesn't seem to doubt her own memory of what happened, like most humans do. That's dangerous.
"You kind of fell over me, I think," Taylor says with a sweetly fabricated innocent giggle.
"That's not how I remember it," Karlie says, her tone never matching Taylor's.
The vampire takes a deep breath, decides this is the time. It's very simple to compell a human now that she's used to it - she usually interacts with them because of her diet, so she gets a lot of practice. It also helps that she's still full from feeding in Seattle last week (let's just leave it at that). She searches for Karlie's consciousness - she can't read her thoughts like Edward or feel her feelings like Jasper, but she can
access
her mind in order to change her ideas and decisions (theoretically). She has no clear vision of how that works - she never had to overthink it. Every vampire can do it. She just says the words "convincingly" enough and it happens."I didn't pull you out of the way, Karlie," she attempts to compell. She tries as hard as she can (and knows how) but Karlie's expression does not change - her eyes stay focused, her head leveled. Taylor knows immediately: it did not work."I don't think I'd have the strength for it, anyway," she tries to fix it so her last sentence doesn't sound so out of place. She doesn't waste her time thinking of reasons why this could be - it doesn't matter right now. All it matters is she'll have to do this the human way - logic manipulation, gaslighting.
"You did then," Karlie won't budge.
"We really remember things differently," Taylor says, tone still light. "I guess you hit your head pretty hard, huh?"That upsets Karlie, who rolls her fingers into fists against her chest."My head is
fine," she tries to hide her fury the best she can but her heart gives her away, clouding Taylor's thoughts.
"Why did you lie to my dad about that?""I didn't. I saw it,"
No, not so good. Turn it on her. "I barely know you Karlie, why would I lie about that?"The human ignores the question."How come you got over to me so fast?"
This again! Any normal human would've let it go by now.
"I was standing by your side. I was going to ask how you were, you passed out right next to me in bio class last week," Taylor's worried tone is not fake this time.
believe me, please. I just want to be done with this."I saw you. Next to your car. Across the lot," the human enunciates every word slowly, like she's talking to a child.
Is she trying to get into my head? Aw."Yes, my brother's car," she corrects, just not to risk her own credibility over a detail. "Then I walked over to you-"Karlie scoffs before Taylor can finish."Karlie, what
exactly
are you saying I did?"
the absurdity of her own memory will surely shut her up.
Karlie opens her mouth but no sound comes out.
Yes, yes!
Taylor continues to stare, tilting her head expectantly, challenging her to say the words. The human's eyes are very clear, bright green. She's wearing no make-up. She looks like she hasn't slept very well. Taylor feels her confidence falter as she worries about what might be keeping her up at night. Karlie's cheeks are tainted red (why is she
always
blushing?) and, as Taylor observes it further, she looks like she could burst into tears at any moment. The vampire backs off instinctively. She can't watch her cry again."Listen, I don't know how we got to this point," she tries to lighten the mood. "I'm just glad we're okay."That seems to appease Karlie a little, but she still looks unconvinced."I don't think I can let this go," she says as she avoids Taylor's eyes for the first time since their interaction started.
"Let what go?""What you did.""What did I do?""You
saved
me," she says, and Taylor waits for her to continue but she doesn't.
"We were both lucky," Taylor exhales, trying to hide the anger she feels - this girl thinking she was saved when she so near death Taylor could pratically feel the taste of her blood in her mouth. "But if that's how you want to tell the story I won't mind. Makes me sound really cool."She leaves it at that, finishing her sentence with yet another painfully innocent giggle."I'm not going to tell anyone," Karlie simply mumbles. She means to keep talking but then hesitates. Taylor waits patiently, interested. "You're...staying, then?"The vampire grimaces. Why is she changing the subject? Is it over? Is she done? Can she trust this girl's word? Should she?
I'll have to. I can't fucking compell her."I'm just waiting for my dad.""N-no, I mean, are you staying in Forks?" Karlie stares at her palms as she says it. She's new here but she still noticed Taylor's absence. The vampire aches to have her look into her eyes again.
What should I tell her? What is my plan here?
She could go to Italy now and leave everything up to chance. It is that simple, even if she can't fully believe it. She did what she came here to do - the human's not hurt and will continue to stay this way. Edward said it himself: no one's life is at risk. She can go.
She doesn't feel like she can grasp that decision. She knows it's right in front of her, but arms refuse to reach for it. She imagines things will remain as mildly uncertain either way, Karlie will go on with her life - and if she tells anyone about the weird details of the incident, people won't believe her. Human's are predictable, they tend to hold onto to normalcy. Even if she convinces one or two people to believe her conspiracy, it wouldn't go far. It never does.
And
Karlie said she wouldn't tell. Taylor
wants
to believe her.If Taylor stays to make sure this won't build up in ways it shouldn't, she'll open yet another door to the pull of the spell, putting herself in situations in which she'll
want
to talk to Karlie again; drawn to her warmth, her adamant stare, the relentlessness of her voice. She wants it already - she wants to continue to talk to her in this hallway, to get as close as she can to her skin, to feel her heartbeat agaisnt her fingertips, she softness of her neck pressed onto her lips; she always ends up wanting her in all the wrong ways. All the ways that'll get her killed.The farther she goes, she'll keep wanting her still. They'll kill her and she'll remain in want. What is the point of her dying if not protect Karlie? And If she's destined to stay, then, how could she ever bear not being able to get as close as she feels she deserves? Her entire body claims Karlie - in terrible, terrible ways - but also very
real
and
raw
ways. That feeling lies to her, it convinces her desire's
good, because it belongs to her,
she belongs to her.
What if I stay and I don't kill her?
A beat. Karlie is still not staring at her, eyes now on the ground. Everything about her is so inviting Taylor feels she could explode.
How could that ever be possible?
Her phone rings in her pocket, saving her from whatever answer she was going to give the human."Sorry, I should go," is all the vampire says as she walks away. She doesn't allow herself to look back to see Karlie's reaction. She doesn't answer the phone. Once she's alone again in Carlisle's office, the tears come back. She cries until her body's limp, dark tearstains all over her face and clothes. She cries until the sun sets, listening to humans coming and going around the hospital, their breaths giving her a sense of time and space. She cries until her father forces her to move, lifts her in his arms and carries her back home. She cries until she can fall asleep for the first time on her own.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
Perhaps this day was only another testament to her impending insanity.Ever since she arrived in Forks her brain has been working at a completely different frequency. Maybe she should be worried about her own mental well-being. She fell unconscious "out of stress", Lorde told her she seemed depressed, Sue was worried she had an eating disorder; and now she's seeing things - impossible things, unimaginable things. She's completely obsessed with this
stranger
she hadn't even spoken to until this morning - to the point she can't even think about her routine, her school work, college, her
parents. She hasn't really called Renée ever since she arrived. She's been too busy overthinking. She can't even sleep, her subconscious plagued with nightmares.It all points out to delusion, neurosis, etc. It does not look good on paper.Except she doesn't have to put any of that on paper. Not necessarily. She's done a good enough job pretending. She only mistrusts herself because others have been insisting on opening the floor for questioning.
She knows
her eyes and ears are working fine.
She saw
Taylor Cullen four cars down the lot seconds before her body collided with hers. She has been replaying that moment in her head - obsessively, surely, but with
reason
- she
had not
hit her head when they fell over. She had not! Taylor Cullen had lied to her father, to the paramedics,
to her face!As soon as she saw her there, Karlie was overwhelmingly aware of her surroundings.
Because
of Taylor's presence. She was exhausted and confused at first but she has no doubt now. She had to
try and get an explanation, but talking to her made Karlie's tongue curl and heart flutter, legs numb and cheeks red. Taylor was alluring in ways she could have never imagined. The tone of her voice begged for Karlie to believe her version of the story - and Karlie very much
wanted
to. Except it isn't real. She was lying, and she was extremely skilled liar.By the end of their talk, Karlie realized how ridiculous it all sounded. She couldn't pretend she didn't see what she saw, couldn't forget
her
touch for a second since she left that spot on the floor of the parking lot. But she wouldn't broadcast it. She just felt helpless, being denied her own version of the facts. Karlie was so enraged at the shorter girl she had nearly cried as she attempted a retort.
I barely know you, Karlie. Why would I lie about that?
She had no clear reason to do so. And that's where Karlie gets stuck. They
do
barely know each other - she has to keep reminding herself of that, like it isn't obvious to everyone other than herself. Because every cell on her body claims otherwise. She can't explain it. She feels there aren't enough words that could ever compile this morning's incident in a way that could be understood outside her head. In a way that didn't make her sound insane.So she should keep this to herself or she would be hospitalized for reasons other than a possible concussion.
Karlie got discharged as soon as Dr. Cullen saw her test results. There was nothing wrong with her, except for a few scratches on her palms. She was absolutely fine, of course - and that made her want to search for the other girl again, to tell her off. To convince her, to shove her into a wall and make her see - she was wrong.
You are wrong, if you don't already know that. If you do, you're lying. I know you're lying.Her brain returns to the plain obvious question of
why.Maybe she's just doing it to be mean.
Saving someone from being hit by a truck doesn't sound like a mean person's intention.
Maybe for attention?
Well, that she has accomplished, for sure. But from what Karlie has seen, her family hates to be the center of any discussion. So, why would she do that to her siblings and herself? The entire town knew about it as soon as it happened.It makes absolutely no sense from any angle she can think of. She was there and then she wasn't, she lied and she left. And now that Karlie has realized this - the other girl's absence - her own body aches like it's on fire. She can't stop the tears that run down her cheeks.
What the hell is wrong with me?
-When Karlie finally arrives at home, nothing is enough to quieten her never-ending internal monologue. Charlie looks worried the entire way back, sporadically inspecting her swollen eyes and flushed appearance. She assures him she will be fine but he still makes her speak to her mother on the phone. That lasts about an hour, but it feels like ten. Renée sounds incredulous when she hears about the almost-accident, begging Karlie to come home and claiming it was the town's fault; Forks was "a blackhole that sucked the life out of everything that came near it". Karlie couldn't decide if she agreed or not. Maybe she thought that when she first arrived, but now...Her mother had always had a flair for the dramatics, Karlie knows she wasn't being completely serious. There is no place for Karlie with her and Phil just yet. And she doesn't have any strength to leave now. The mere idea makes her physically ill.After twenty more minutes of appeasing Charlie, she finally convinces him to go back to the station. School was cancelled for the day, and she faintly wonders about her friends' perspectives after the fact, but she can't possibly speak to them now - she'd vomit the truth out and that would ruin her own reputation even further.When she's upstairs, there's really only one thing she can do. She grabs her journal with a sudden urgency.
I need to put this down, I can't take it anymore.
October 18th, 2004
I should be honest. I will be honest.
I want her.
Karlie exhales fully before continuing. Her hands are damp with nervousness. She observes her right hand's fingers as they tremble, struggling to hold the pen.
I hope this helps. Me admitting it. I can't seem to find any other way to end my restlessness.
I want her, I want her, I want her.
Is she lying to me? Why would she lie? Who is she? Who does she think she is?
If I don't see her again soon I might explode. It sounds insane. It is insane. An absurdity.
The shade of grey alone in my memory is enough to drive me crazy. It makes me want to go back. It makes me want to search for her, to reach for her in ways I find humiliating.
God, there is something very, deeply wrong with me. There's something wrong and I need to find out why.
It doesn't take too long for her to decide she can't just sit and wait. She has to take precautions, but she has to do something,
anything. Even if there's a risk she might end up in an insane asylum.She calls Leah's cell, hoping she was ditching school or something. The nerd doesn't answer. She can't call Ella or Derek, not now. She needs someone from La Push. She walks out the door, thinking. She can't go by foot to the reservation, it was too far away and everything's covered in ice. If she takes the truck, Charlie will find out. She goes back inside, frustrated.Karlie paces back and forth, considering her options. If she could wait until the weekend, it would be easier to find an excuse to go to the reservation and somehow figure out why the Cullens weren't welcome there. But she can't fathom waiting that long. So, she'd have to lie. And she'd have to take the truck.She manages not to combust as she waits for the school hours to technically end - if she were to look for Leah, or Jacob, she needed them to actually be at home. She's not sure she'd get much from their parents (if she could gather the courage to ask). Karlie recalls Sue's stance as she interacted with Dr. Cullen on her first hospital visit in Forks. They seemed professional, sure, but the tone was definitely not cordial.
Maybe I'm overthinking this one. Either way, it would be easier to get the teens to spill the beens.As she waits, the phone rings off the hook. She doesn't answer. She isn't sure about her story yet, it's best if she doesn't speak to anyone here. Fortunately, no one comes to the house after her, and she leaves by the time she imagines the Quileute kids might be coming home from school. Her truck had been brought back earlier by a policeman she didn't know, and her key was in her pocket. She shudders thinking about it falling on the ground right
before...She gets inside the car, determined. It is a terribly cold drive, to say the least - the truck's missing the window from the driver's seat, it had shattered during the accident. Karlie still feels tiny bits of glass on her scalp. She wishes she had thought of taking a shower before leaving. Her anxiety occupied every braincell, she didn't even have a change of clothes.Surprisingly, she's not scared driving on the icy roads this time. She welcomes the chilliness, secretly hoping for another appearance from the young blonde who had saved her earlier. Karlie imagines a flash of gold showing up out of the blue in the middle of the road. She shakes her head forcefully, groaning.She has no doubt she's losing her mind now. Not when she feels the urge to turn the wheel and drive deep into the forest just to hallucinate that glint of grey.When she arrives at the Clearwater's, she's surprised to see Leah on the porch. The older girl holds her phone agaisnt her ear, pacing nervously. She looks up as she hears Karlie's truck roar its way into her driveway. When Karlie gets out of the car, she notices Leah looks unlike she's never seen her - clearly angry.
Furious."What are you doing here, kid?" she asks, voice hoarse. "What happened to your window?""I'm surprised you don't already know," Karlie says as she walks up the porch."I've been busy," Leah simply says. When the person she's calling doesn't answer, the shorter girl sighs and sits down. Karlie notices a giant bag on the nearest bench as she approaches.
That's weird."You running away or something?" Karlie tries to sound uninterested."Or something," her voice is low, a hint of the anger Karlie saw in her eyes is also in her tone. Karlie raises a brow."Where's Sue?" she realizes she sounds like an annoying older sister as the words leave her mouth."Does Charlie know about the broken window?" Leah retorts."Unfortunately, yes," she sits next to Leah. "Does
Sue
know about the bag?""Well," Leah stares straight ahead and Karlie notices she looks like she's been crying. Karlie recalls that day at the beach when Lorde had asked her about the Cullens - she looked
off
then as well. "I won't tell yours and you won't tell mine. Deal?""No deal. My dad already knows," Karlie shrugs slightly, trying to lighten the mood. "I guess you'll just owe me.""I can live with that," Leah smiles half-heartedly. "I'll owe you twice if you give me a ride."Karlie raises her brows. She internally hopes Leah isn't being serious about running. No one needs that right now. Karlie wasn't expecting to be the one doing the rational thinking here, but she needs to figure out what's going on so they both can handle this in a sensible way.
I sound like a parent."Where are we going?" she asks, playing a little into the older girl's game.Leah stares into her eyes for a moment, also seeming to consider her own options. After a long while, her eyes soften."Seattle," She simply says.Karlie tries to keep her face emotionless. At least she knows the specifics if she does need to be a tattletale later for Leah's own safety."What are we doing in Seattle?""Clearing out our heads. Seeing the Space Needle," she shrugs."Can't we clear out our heads here?""We can't see the Space Needle here," she says matter-of-factly.Silence ensues. Karlie watches Leah as she stares down at her own hands. Her demeanor makes Karlie think of her own situation. If she could tell someone, wouldn't Leah be the best person to listen? She would keep her secret because she's clearly too busy dealing with her own dilemmas. She doesn't even go to Karlie's school. Karlie can't tell her everything, obviously, but she can find a way to vent without implying she has completely lost her mind. Maybe that'll be helpful enough."Listen," Karlie sighs, holding back a yawn. She's starting to fully feel how exhausted she is after her previous sleepless night. "Whatever is going on with you can't possibly be worse than what I'm going through. I'm not even kidding," Karlie starts before she can stop herself. She should be careful, but she
needs
to tell someone. If she can find a way to translate her thoughts into actual spoken words, maybe she'll see things more clearly. She hopes that'll help her escape this hurricane of feelings and conspiracy theories, at least for a while."Do you mean moving to Forks? It's just a year, K. You'll be back home before you know it.""No, no. It's not that,"
not entirely. Not anymore.
Although the word
home
still echoes in her head in a strange way."Then, what is it?" Karlie has Leah's full attention now. She quickly adverts her eyes from the older girl's intense stare."How about you tell me yours and I'll tell you mine?" she cowardly suggests."I thought we weren't doing that," Leah points out."I'm not sure what we're doing.""Well... You look like you desperately need to tell me something,"
you're right on the money."And you look like you're about to do something you might regret," Karlie realizes she's scared and turning things on the other girl, but she can't help it. She wants to tell her, but the words get stuck in her throat.Leah sighs, turning her entire upper body towards Karlie now."Mine's not that big of a deal. It's just... There are things you wouldn't understand," Leah rests her head on her palms. She clenches her jaw, clearly exasperated. "And I'm not sure I can talk about it without punching a wall."Karlie frowns. She had never thought of Leah as a violent person, but she does look like she's about to explode into a fit of rage anytime now. In an attempt to calm her down, the words start leaving Karlie's mouth in full sincerity:"I- I need you to promise you won't tell anyone, 'cause I already feel like everyone here knows too much about me. Ever since I arrived, I've found myself in countless situations where I have been the center of attention and
this thing- I feel like I wouldn't be able to escape the weight of people knowing about it. And I can't leave yet as you know, I'll have to stay and deal with-""Wait, Karlie. Are you really pregnant?" Leah asks suddenly, a worried look on her face.Karlie's mouth falls agape."Oh, my God, Leah!?" Karlie shakes her head, incredulous. "Of course
NOT!""I just thought...nevermind," Leah can't help but chuckle at the younger girl's reaction."You thought
what?!""Well, I've heard about this rumor from some kids at school. But you're staying here, like you said. It wouldn't make sense for you to hide it. If it was true, we'd all find out...in a couple of months."Leah gestures at her own stomach, caressing a nonexistent bump, chuckling lightly. Karlie scoffs, still looking at her in disbelief.So, people in
other schools
were still talking about her passing out in class.
Don't they have anything else to gossip about?
She realizes they'll continue to talk about her, especially after today. Karlie now fully understands Taylor's caution and insistence when they spoke at the hospital.
Maybe I shouldn't tell Leah anything. Can she really keep my secret?
What is my secret?
Leah laughs nervously, trying to fill the silence."Karlie, keep going, please. I'm sorry. I didn't think it was true, but the way you phrased it..."She takes a moment as she reconsiders her decision to speak to the other girl about her inner turmoil, feeling exposed. Leah suddenly interrupts her thoughts again:"Sam cheated on me," Leah confesses; still angry, but more focused on Karlie now. "See? Not that big of a deal. I'm sure your thing is much more interesting."Karlie exhales, momentarily forgetting her own anger. She wants to touch Leah's hand but doesn't."Leah...that sucks," Leah shrugs and Karlie tilts her head softly, searching for her eyes. They meet for a moment, but Leah's dark irises escape again. Their entire interaction is marked by this avoidance of eye contact, both girls nervously trying to figure out where the conversation is going. "What an asshole.""Yep," she clenches her jaw once again, holding back her displeasure. "And I'm not...actually running away to Seattle. I just can't be at the rez right now. I'll stay in Forks for a while. Mom will freak out but as long as I don't miss any classes I'll be fine.""Where in Forks exactly?" Karlie's curiosity sparks."That is what I'm trying to figure out. My friend won't pick up," she sighs and reaches for her phone again."You could stay at Charlie's," Karlie suggests kindly."No way. Mom will be all over me," Leah laughs drily and excuses herself to try and call her friend again. After a few tries, the person still doesn't respond."She always answers when I want to skip class. Now when I actually need her..." Leah shakes her head. "I guess I'll just show up out of the blue. Her parents are cool. And if
you
give me a ride I won't have to deal with mom today."Karlie raises her brows. Leah isn't doing anything too bad, she supposes. She's staying at a friend's home, she won't be missing school... She just needs some time away. Karlie wishes she could push back the cravings she has on her mind and exist in some other dimension for a while. But leaving Forks wouldn't help her case, even if she could. She hopes some distance can actually help Leah."I was hoping Charlie wouldn't find out I left, but I don't think I will be able to hide this from him anyway," she sighs and rises from her seat a little too fast, her vision gets blurry. She hasn't eaten anything since this morning. "Let's go."Leah gets up promptly, grabbing her bag, a giant smile on her face."You're getting rebellious. I like it," Karlie shoves her shoulder as they walk towards the truck."Please call Sue as soon as you get settled in okay? I won't lie to Charlie if he asks," Karlie says and cringes at her own annoying tone.Leah sighs deeply, climbing on the passenger seat."Okay, boss."They stay silent until Karlie is driving down the main road and the cold wind is beating relentlessly agaisnt her cheeks again. She can feel Leah's eyes burning a hole on the other side of her head.
Her mind is buzzing with anxiety."So..." the Quileute girl begins."So...?" Karlie drags the word out, trembling.
"At least tell me what happened to your window."Karlie exhales, tired of her own thoughts and insecurities. Leah wouldn't tell anyone. Right? What reason would she have to tell people? Even if she hates the Cullens - this isn't about them. This is about Karlie. She has known Karlie for years."Promise me you won't tell," Karlie still doesn't look back at the other girl."I hope I don't regret this," Leah mutters under her breath. "Yes, I promise."Karlie turns to look for sincerity in the other girl's face. Leah waits curiously."I- I like someone," Karlie can't believe her own choice of words, the phrase leaves her mouth almost without her permission.
Leah laughs. Loudly. The sounds cuts through the truck's roar, breaking the tension between the two girls. Karlie can't help but smile at the older girl's reaction."That's it?" Leah says after finally recovering from her laughing fit. "Karlie-""Wait, there's- there's
more
to it," Karlie wants to defend herself, now realizing how infantile she sounds.Leah raises her left eyebrow, eyes bright, carefully observing the younger girl."Do tell."Karlie stares at her for a moment, looking for any signs of judgement."I need you to promise me again," she cowards.Leah looks extremely confused, stuttering for a second before repeating herself:"I promise I won't tell anyone, Karlie."Karlie nods once, exhales deeply, hands trembling against the steering wheel."Do you... Do you know Dr. Carlisle C-Cullen's uh... kids?"Leah's expression changes completely. Her eyes go from amused and slightly confused to cold and inaccessible. The older girl does not answer and a strange silence ensues. Karlie regrets it all immediately, even though she barely even said anything explicitly. The name
Cullen
echoes in the air like a cloud of smoke, blinding her thoughts. They're getting closer to town and the gloomy sky warns about the sun's departure. Karlie's stomach turns, she swallows loudly."Uh... Where exactly are we going?" she attempts to sound nonchalant but fails miserably. Maybe if she changes the subject Leah will also drop it.
Why does she look so upset?
Karlie shivers. I haven't even said anything. What was that? "I like someone"? What am I thinking?"Lisa O'Connor's," Leah simply says, still not looking at the girl in the driver's seat.It takes a couple of seconds for the anxious thoughts inside her head to allow Karlie to remember Lisa. Lisa O'Connor.
Lorde's older sister. The girl driving the van that had nearly killed Karlie this morning."Oh, no," she shakes her head. "Leah, we should go back. She's...hurt. She's the reason why my window's broken. She hit...uh...she hit my truck
with her van this morning."Leah's head fully turns to Karlie. She looks surprised and suddenly scared."What?
Is she okay?""I think so," Karlie sighs, thinking of the girl's bloody head and bruised arm. "She was still at the hospital when I left.""When was this? Who was- Was my mom there?""I'm not sure. I didn't see her this time," Karlie furrows her brows, trying to remember. "But I'm sure Lisa's okay. She probably got a lot of stitches, though. So we shouldn't show up at her door tonight, unannounced."Leah doesn't say anything after that. Karlie's head turns to watch Leah's profile and then back to the road a couple of times."I'm turning back," Karlie says after another long moment of no words from the other girl. Leah does not complain. "You should've told me before we left-""It's okay, you're right. I shouldn't have left," Karlie cringes at Leah's clearly abrupt change of heart. Why does she think the Quileute girl knows
everything
after just a couple of sentences? Karlie feels bare agaisnt the cold air. She desperately tries to come up with something to help reframe her story.
Goddammit, She's going to tell Sue.
And Sue will tell Charlie... Karlie keeps driving in the same direction, despite what she had said. Leah only speaks after they pass the
The city of Forks welcomes you
sign."Karlie...""You promised me," Karlie murmurs furiously.Leah's eyes widen. She watches as tears silently fall down Karlie's cheeks. Karlie can't help herself - she felt she could trust the older girl, only to be proven wrong. As soon as she said the family name, she sensed Leah
was not on her side. She's so embarrassed she feels warm all over, cheeks burning with the sting of it."I know. But I'm not sure you know what's at stake here," Leah says softly, carefully touching her shoulder. "And I don't think you know what your confession...means.""I know what it means," Karlie stubbornly says.
That's so condescending, she thinks.
Why are we speaking in code?
"Pull over," the older girl says. Karlie agrees that's for the best - she's so angry her hands and shoulders are starting to noticeably shake. Once the truck is completely still, Leah sighs."Which one?"Karlie stares at her, confused."Which one of...them...do you like?"Karlie holds her breath for a moment, releasing the name as a sigh of relief:"Taylor," her entire body aches, like an addict going through withdrawal.Leah seems unfazed."Have you been alone with her?""...What?"Leah waits. Karlie feels careless and hyperactive, wanting to talk more about the blonde girl, even if it's just to utter her name again, to feel her tongue swirl around the syllables lovingly."Uh, yes. At the hospital earlier," she remembers Taylor's hand on her cheek and shakes her head."Why was she at the hospital?" Leah's tone is worried again."She kind of saved my life," is the automatic response that comes out of Karlie's lips. And it is the truth. Technically. Leah gives her a quizzical look, almost shocked. "She pulled me out of the way when the van hit my truck."Leah doesn't say anything for a long time, and Karlie feels the need to explain further."We were talking," blatant lie. "She was...worried
about me passing out that day-" she's just repeating Taylor's words now."Karlie, I'm going to stop you right there," she grabs the younger girl's shoulder. "I need you to promise me you will
never
be
alone with her again. With any of
them."Karlie mouth drops open a little, and shock takes over her anxiety."What?
Why?"Leah takes one of her hands now, her words urgent."Swear
to me, Karlie," Leah's eyes burn with worry. "I promised you I wouldn't tell anyone, and I won't. But I need you to swear to me you will stay away from her. That family is...dangerous."That's the same word Charlie had used when describing Taylor's incident with locals at the reservation.
They're dangerous to the tribe.
"I can't," Leah is about to protest but Karlie continues: "We have biology together.""What do you mean? Are you partners?""I mean...no, but-""Then promise me you will stay away.""I can't do that," Karlie says, stubbornly. Leah groans, letting go of her hand. "Leah, I can't do that when I have no idea what you're talking about!""Karlie, trust me, please!" she pleads.
"What do you mean, they're dangerous?" Taylor was surely intimidating, but Karlie couldn't imagine her hurting anyone. Her porcelain skin was so delicate, her eyes so invinting, looking up at Karlie this morning. Even if she was lying the entire time.Leah sighs, running her hands through her dark hair."I need an explanation if you're going to demand-" Karlie starts."I'm not demanding anything. I'm asking you -
begging
you, Karlie...""Are they involved with something illegal or what? Is it drugs?" Karlie chuckles, incapable of believing the idea. The Cullens are outsiders, strangers to the community. That is clear, and has been clear since Karlie first saw the kids at school.
But there's a line between strange and dangerous.
Taylor saved me,
she thinks, lovingly even in her thoughts.
She also lied to me.
"Can't you just trust that I wouldn't say this on a whim?" Leah argues.
"Why can't you tell me?" Karlie questions."'Cause it's not my secret to tell," Leah sighs tiredly.
Karlie raises her brows."Then whose is it?""Karlie, you're starting to piss me off. If you don't promise me I'll have to tell people that she's approaching you-"Leah makes Taylor sound predatory and that makes Karlie raise her tone, angry now too.
"She's not! She's not doing anything. I'm not doing anything. Nothing's happening," her own words make her awfully sad, because they are true. Most, if not all of it, has been happening inside her head. And the one time she chooses to voice out her thoughts she's met with this extreme reaction. It makes her want to cry again but she forces herself to hold back."But you want things to happen," Leah says, Karlie blushes furiously."Leah, you know what, f-forget that I said that-""I'm not saying you can't- I'm just saying she's...
She's
the problem, Karlie.""But if you tell people, if you tell Charlie..." She breathes in, decides the best she can do now is try to repair the damage. "You're right. I don't know what my confession means."She can never tell this to anyone again. It wasn't worth it. If anything, it made things worse. She's more in pain now than she was before, realizing how delusional she sounds. Nothing's happening. And nothing will ever happen. She should go along with Taylor's lie until things die down and try to keep to herself the rest of the year. Maybe it wasn't a lie after all. Maybe she really hit her head, maybe she made it all up. It doesn't matter. Taylor is a creature out of her reach and she could never be anything other than character in her dreams (and nightmares). This infatuation isn't healthy and she shouldn't feed into it. She has to stop thinking she isn't strong enough to avoid it.
"Karlie-""I promise I'll stay away from her. It's not that big a deal," she tries to contain the emotion in her tone.
Leah grimaces, not buying it."If you keep your promise I'll keep mine," she starts the truck again as Leah keeps watching her face. "Deal?"There aren't any vehicles on the road, so Karlie circles back as quickly as she can, making her way towards the reservation. After a few seconds, Leah responds:"I trust you, Karlie," she sits
rigidly, her voice clear, standing out over the sound of the truck's engine. "Deal."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
Karlie tries her best to avoid her dreadful thoughts as she drives back to the reservation in silence. Leah doesn't speak either. The air is thick with tension after Karlie's strained promise. The younger girl has a lump in her throat the size of a fist and feels like she could burst into tears at any second. Leah seems unaware of the extent of Karlie's hurt, lost in thought for several minutes. As they approach the Clearwater's, Karlie's eyes widen when she sees Charlie's car parked near the sidewalk."Shit," she mutters under her breath.Leah sighs. Karlie stops on the other side of the street and prepares herself to get scolded to hell and back. Leah doesn't get out immediately."Karlie, I just wanted to make sure- I want you to know I don't have anything agaisnt you liking... You know, whoever-""There she is!" Sue squeals from the porch, interrupting Leah's words. The girls' attention shifts and the conversation ends there.-Karlie's grounded for a week. She nearly dies and that's what she gets as a reward. She can't muster up the strength to complain. She just takes it. Charlie doesn't yell but she can tell he was worried out of his mind. As if the almost-accident wasn't enough of a scare, the man comes home and she's not there, and no one he calls has heard of her in hours. She apologizes and silently gets in his car as he also forbids her from driving until her truck's window is fixed. She hears Leah explain to Sue her phone was on silent and she and Karlie were just hanging out. The two girls exchange looks as Charlie says goodbye to Sue with a kiss on the forehead.
If you keep your promise, I'll keep mine.As soon as they're on the main road, this time in the warmth of Charlie's car, Karlie starts crying. She had been holding it in for so long the tears feel like a relief. She places her face in her palms and Charlie touches her head, asks what's wrong. She shakes her head. She tells him she's just tired and lets the tears fall silently until they get home.-Charlie doesn't hover when she asks to be left alone. She sits on the couch and pretends to watch TV. He lights the fireplace in silence, orders pizza for dinner. Karlie isn't hungry but forces herself to eat a slice once it arrives. After a while, when the pizza is cold and the game on TV is over, Charlie finally speaks:"I don't really have to ground you, Karlie...""No, it's okay, dad. I deserve it," she says tiredly. He's about to protest but she continues: "What happened today really took a toll on me."It's the truth, but not for the reasons he knows of. She feels a hole grow wider and wider inside her chest. Her throat aches. She realizes she hasn't had anything to drink most of the day."You don't have to go to class tomorrow. Stay and rest. Maybe I could take the day off too.""No, I would just get really bored and drive you crazy," she laughs sadly. "I already missed enough school. I'm fine, it's just been...a strange week."Charlie tilts his head, considering her words."Do you want me to call Renée? We could arrange things for you to get back to Phoenix sooner, there must be a way they could make it work-""Dad, honestly, that's the
last
thing I want," she sighs deeply, watching his confused expression with tired eyes. "I just want things to go back to normal, okay?"He still seems unconvinced."Forks normal. Not Phoenix normal," she clarifies. She realizes it's a lie only after she says it. Not because she wants to go back to Phoenix, but because there is and there will never be a thing such as
Forks normal.-As she finally washes off her hair, she beats herself up for putting her father through so much. She was always reliable, a good student and good daughter. And she was happy, most of the time.
Maybe I should be worried, she thinks as she looks at the bags under her eyes in the mirror.
Maybe I should take this seriously.
She needs sleep, at least. She rummages through the cabinets in the bathroom not expecting to find anything, but is surprised to see a bottle of Zolpidem amidst the Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Instinctively, she takes one pill.She gets into her pijamas and is drying her hair when it starts to kick in. It's a dizzying kind of fatigue, like her limbs can't help but stop working. She thanks heavens, and strokes her mother's cross pendant on her chest as her eyes close.
I need to be better... I can't be a burden here...-Her entire body feels stiff once she rises in the morning. She had slept all night, no dreams. It isn't raining outside and her room is dead silent. She stretches her limbs, cracks her neck. Her body feels rested enough, but her mind is still troubled by an aching numbness she doesn't fully understand. It's definitely not a good feeling. Since she woke up a couple of hours early, she decides she'll try (again) to have a productive morning routine like she used to have in Phoenix. She makes her bed and
finally
empties the bags of clothes she had brought, folding the pieces carefully and organizing them by color in her small little wardrobe. Some of the furniture in the room was picked by a ten year old Karlie and remained mostly as it was when it was bought. Needless to say, there's details of pink all over. And a lot of stickers.For the first time since she arrived, she turns on the monstruous computer that occupies half of her studying desk. It is second-hand and works at a snail's pace. She doesn't really care about it, since she only used the internet back home to send e-mails and play online video games. Charlie had the phone line for the modem stapled along the floor to the nearest phone jack. He told her it was working but she knows the service here should be horrendous at best. Dialing up lasts so long, she decides to take her morning shower while it does it's thing.Karlie styles her hair differently today - to be honest, she hadn't styled her hair
at all
after she left Phoenix. She would usually go for perfectly straightened but this time she instinctively finds herself curling her strands a bit. By the time she's done, the internet is working. She checks her e-mails: a bunch from her mom, some from her friends. So they hadn't
completely
forgotten about her. Cara had e-mailed her the day after she left. Karlie answers the more recent ones, lies all the way through and says she's fine.That's nonsense. I'm perfectly fine.
She shakes her head at the voice in her memory.Lying has become a habit of hers, too. Apparently.She grabs her make-up bag and a small mirror. Puts on a little bit of concealer under her eyes, mascara, lip gloss. She forces out a big smile as she applies blush on her cheeks.For her outfit, she goes a little too on the nose for Forks, Washington. White button-up paired with a cocoa colored sweater vest, plus a mini skirt (...would she get in trouble?), two pairs of black tights underneath (she's probably going to feel cold anyway), her usual brown ankle boots, a dark coat. She gets up and stares at her full body on the big mirror covered in cat stickers on the other side of the room. She looks fashionable. She looks like she put in the effort.There's no way she's changing. Charlie widens his eyes when he sees her coming down the stairs, but it's more a surprised look than anything else. She smells breakfast in the making as they greet each other. When she fully enters the kitchen, she is caught off guard by Sue stading by the stove holding a bowl filled with pancake batter, and
Leah
sitting on the counter, swinging her feet.
God, this will never end.
They both look at her up and down. Sue seems confused, Leah seems...suspicious."You look pretty, Kar," her father says as he comes in behind her. "Never seen you with you hair curled."It's not curly is it? It's wavy.
She instantly runs her hands through her hair, trying to mess it up a bit."Good morning, Karlie," Sue says, finally looking away. "There's fresh coffee and pancakes, sweetie."She feels too anxious too eat now, but if she doesn't, the entire thing will become yet another awkward topic for conversation."That sounds good," she murmurs."What's the occasion, K?" Leah asks, casually sipping coffee from one of Charlie's colorful mugs.Karlie's not sure of how to talk to Leah right now. She's still feels hurt and betrayed, even though she can admit those feelings aren't exactly justified. How are they supposed to go back to normal when she can't trust her anymore? When she
knows...
She's the only person who knows and I can't trust her. Nor can I trust myself to keep my own promise.
"Huh?" Karlie tries to buy herself some time as she sits down, grabing a plate and a fork.Leah eyes her from head to toe and gestures up and down with her index finger."Well, I don't know. I just wanted to dress a little bit more... like I did at h- in Phoenix.""You dressed like this in Phoenix?" Leah jokes lightly.
What does she mean? Is it the mini skirt?
She starts to worry she seems attention seeking. The goal was to look better outside to try and feel a little better inside, too.
I'm fully covered. Plus, if it were a problem, Charlie would've said something already."Kind of. Minus all the layers," Karlie answers.Leah raises her brows. Karlie turns away and forces a fork full of pancake down her throat. She can't tell if Leah is messing with her or if she really does look ridiculous in this outfit. She has to admit she had let go of her fashion style a little after she arrived; she had barely even worried about putting looks together 'cause everyone around her was so bland and she didn't want to stand out.
But this isn't even that crazy! Maybe if I put some pants on instead..."It's more...sofisticated, right? I think it's nice. Looks like the kind of clothes you would see those Cullen kids wearin'," Charlie says casually.Karlie swallows the next piece of pancake without chewing. She doesn't want to react but her heart skips a beat. It always does when she hears the name. Maybe she should be used to it by now.No one says anything. Charlie doesn't seem to notice the strange mood between the three women, too focused on his food. He continues:"Speaking of which, we barely even had the time to thank Doctor Cullen and his daughter for all their help yesterday. I should stop by the hospital later. Karlie, you should talk to-""Dad, I think I can walk to school today," Karlie says suddenly, getting up and placing her plate on the sink. She feels suffocated with all of them hovering around her and the mention of Taylor Cullen doesn't help her calm down. "I don't want you to be late for work.""We have plenty of time-""I'd rather walk, really. It'll be good to get some fresh air.""Karlie, it's
freezing.""It's not that bad now, look," she points towards the street through the window. It is very cloudy and grey but the snow seems to have settled. "I'm meeting my friends anyway."Another lie, of course. She hadn't answered the house phone at all yesterday and strangely no one has called today yet. Her cellphone had not been charged in a while and has been sitting on the bottom of her bag, untouched. So, she better be out the door before someone calls."I don't know... I mean, you are technically grounded, Karlie."
Right. Damn it.
"I-I know. I'm going straight to school. I just wanna meet my friends on the way."Charlie watches her face for a moment, sips his coffee slowly. Karlie doesn't want to look at the two other (probably judging) stares coming from her left side."Okay. But I'll pick you up after class, no discussion."She thanks him and leaves the room before he can change his mind. She doesn't need to know what the Clearwater women thought of the interaction. She's just glad it's over, even if it means she now has to go through a twenty-five minute walk in the cold.She goes upstairs to get her stuff and stares at herself in the mirror again. She sighs and changes into a pair of pants, defeated by her own insecurity. She doesn't want to risk breaking the school's dress code and bringing even more attention to herself today. The make-up and the clothes are not helping. Organizing her room did not help. All she can think about is one thing: whether or not she will see Taylor Cullen today. And if she is there, should Karlie confront her again about her lies? Or should she keep the promise she had made to Leah?Everything is just so
annoying
at this point. She can't think of anything else, she can't wear what she wants to wear, can't drive her own truck, can't eat in peace! She leaves quickly and without saying goodbye. She faintly hears Leah call for her but pretends she doesn't.Charlie was right: it is freezing. Five minutes into her walk and she already feels disgusting, lips dry and hair all over the place. It is an eye opening walk in many ways: it reminds her of how much she hates this place and nothing,
nothing
can change her mind.
No matter who lives here, no matter if they have perfect golden hair and the strangest, most intringing stare...These intrusive thoughts make her audibly groan as she waits to cross a street a couple of blocks away from campus. An old lady looks at her from her side, startled by the sound. Great. She's now terrorizing Forks' elderly population. She won't be surprised if this somehow gets to Chief Charlie and she earns even more fun opportunities to stay locked inside the house.The light is about to turn yellow when a shiny black car suddenly stops right in front of Karlie (and the old lady). It had been going so fast that once it ceases moving, a gush of cold wind hits them and Karlie's hair flies over her face."So irresponsible," the woman complains. The light turns red.Karlie quite literally spits off strands of hair away from her lips and swears she hears a faint chuckle coming from vehicle near her. She doesn't think much of it until she crosses she street and recognizes the damn car.When she sees the grey eyes behind the wheel through the tinted windows she seriously considers getting a rock from the sidewalk and throwing it at the windshield.She moves foward and doesn't look back before she can give into her rage. She hears the car skimming through the road a few seconds later, going in the same diretion as her.She walks like her legs are made of glass the rest of the way.
Was that really her driving? She was alone in the car. It was hard to see but it was her, right? Well, it was her brother's car... Was she staring me through the window the entire time? Why was she driving so fast? Why did she...stop so early? The light had barely turned yellow.
I'm losing my mind.
Seeing Taylor's eyes for half a second is enough to make Karlie feel her own body working properly again. She feels like she's on a sugar rush, euphoric, ready for anything. But she actively forces herself to walk slowly and not start running like her limbs beg her to.'Cause they have biology together.
And she's going to school, right? She was there in the car (I saw). And there are no seats for me to seat on but the one seat next to her seat.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
-Arriving at school it's an event once again. Joshua Kushner is the first one to find her, like a moth to a flame. She can usually maneuver around his advances but today it seems like he was waiting for her."Arizona, you're alive!" He jokes and a few of his friends approach when they see Karlie as well. She notices Lisa is nowhere to be seen. This is usually her crowd - and it's strange to now know she's also friends with Leah. Seemingly close friends.On the other hand, Lorde barely even mentions Lisa. They interact very rarely in the hallways in between classes. All Karlie knows is that she has a "weed problem" and drives their mother crazy, according to Lorde."Hey. How's Lisa?" Karlie asks. She'll try her best to make this conversation
not
about herself."I don't think she's coming today," he replies."She got a lot of stitches," a blonde girl who's standing next to Josh comments. Karlie doesn't remember her name, but she knows they have history class together and what she
does
remember are some of her weird, racist mumbles about Selena Cullen."I saw," Karlie says in a low tone, recalling how bad Lisa's injuries looked when they were in the ER together."Yeah, her head got all messed up. But look at
you!" Josh points.Karlie flinches slightly at the way they all stare at her. She really dislikes this group, Josh especially."You don't have a single scratch," Josh continues, laughing incredulously. "The van went straight
into
you! I swore you were dead!""Yeah, me too," the truth is she barely even thought of the situation as a near-death experience. All she thought about was being
held
by... And how
impossible
the whole thing was."I didn't even see the Cullen girl next to you-"This automatically makes her blood pump, and, before she knows, her tone changes and she's spitting out lies. Maybe it's the way he says the family name with disgust; maybe Karlie wants to lie
for her
so she can defend her somehow. She wishes Taylor's version was true, so she wouldn't feel this crazy."W-we were talking and then- I swear my brain
erased
the whole thing. Next thing I knew I was in the ambulance. It was crazy," her oscar worthy acting got Josh's eyes sparkling with curiosity."I didn't know you were friends with her,"
that's what he focuses on?"Uh, we're not. That's the first time she ever talked to me,"
can he hear how my voice is trembling?He chuckles, not seeming to notice."I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if you were. You sure seem to like to hang out with freaks. No offense," he raises his palms up. All of his friends laugh, like they came straight out of an 80s teen movie scene."Hottest
freak I've ever seen, let's be real," one of the boys says, another member of the group she doesn't care to know the name. He rolls his eyes, groaning erotically.Karlie cringes, decides to leave before they make her actually vomit."Great talking to you all, but I gotta go back to the freaks," she starts to walk away quickly. Her palms are sweating, she wants to hit something."Asshole, see what you did? Karlie, wait!" Josh calls for her as his friends snicker, but he eventually gives up and doesn't run after her.
Thank God.-People stare daggers into her head as she moves through the halls. It is worse than her first day here (or even the day after she passed out in class) because this time it is
everyone. Every single student is staring at ger as she walks, and they aren't trying to hide their curiosity. She maintains a emotionless expression, breathing through her nose and trying to push her overwhelming feelings of anger and frustration away. Finally,
finally, she sees her friends standing by her locker - both of them with their arms crossed around their chests to make the meeting even more dramatic."Why do you look perfect? Why does she look
perfect?" Derek says jokingly, but she can tell he's relieved to see her."I could punch you right now," Lorde sighs. She looks tired. It must have been scary for her to watch her sister get hurt, even if they don't get along most of the time. Karlie immediately feels bad for neglecting her friends but knows deep down she had no choice. If she had gone to them yesterday she would've told them everything in the heat of the moment. It's best this way, she's now mentally prepared to lie and move on from this as quickly as possible."We've been trying to call for so long- I went to your house and there was no one there! Then chief Kloss calls my dad
asking
for you!?" Derek keeps a stern expression behind his ironic tone."I can explain-" she begins softly."Why the hell didn't you answer our calls?" Lorde angrily asks."I had to help out Leah. She wanted to run away from home 'cause her boyfriend cheated on her."The both of them seem perplexed for a moment."What?""You
helped her
run away?" they now speak in hushed whispers, aware of the many eyes on them."She didn't actually run away. I was there to talk some sense into her.""Then what, you left without telling your dad?" Derek asks."I couldn't risk him telling Sue."Another wordless pause as they stare at her."And your cell?""I forgot to charge it. It's always on silent anyways, you know that. What's with the twenty questions?"Derek's mouth drops open."Karlie. I saw you get
hit by a van. Hit. by. a. van," he shakes her shoulders and she can't help but chuckle."You also saw me right after! You saw I wasn't hurt. Don't be silly!" She extends her arms towards him and he slaps her away comically."Don't be silly? You were
crying! Then after they loaded you into the ambulance like a sack of potatoes, we heard a paramedic say you had hit your head hard and could be
bleeding internally
and not even know," Lorde says."Did they make sure you weren't bleeding internally?!" Derek touches the sides of her head, twisting it, looking for injuries. Karlie can't help but focus on the fact that even her friends knew about Taylor's lie
immediately after the accident. She wants to tell them the truth so desperately it hurts, especially now, seeing how worried they still are. But she doesn't."They did. It was very scary but I'm okay, I promise. I don't even remember anything.""Really?" Derek asks, letting go of her head."Yeah, it's like it didn't even happen," this is her biggest lie yet. They keep silent for a moment, considering her words."I sure wish it didn't," Lorde sighs deeply. "Injured Lisa is even worse than regular Lisa."Karlie smiles a little, seeing that they can go back to their usual banter now. Derek watches her for a second and then suddenly holds her in a strong embrace."I'm serious, you really scared us," he mumbles against her hair."I know, I'm sorry," she hugs him back, trying not to overthink things too much. Maybe she is a bad friend, but she's genuinely sorry and that has to count for something, right?The bell rings. He sighs as they prepare to separate. Karlie looks around and notices people had literally
stopped
in the hallway to watch their interaction. They start walking away as soon as she notices them."You're going to be the reason we climb our way up the social food chain, Karlie," Lorde comments."Is that good or bad?"Both of them say "bad" in unison."Meet up at the gym at lunch. No excuses," the dark haired girl begins to walk again. "We still need to talk about THE DEVIL!" her voice grows into a yell at the end of the sentence. Now even the school's janitor was staring at them from the corner."Oh, she's walking these halls again," Derek whispers in a spooky voice.Karlie doesn't react."But I'm sure you know, after being in an accident
together, almost dying and everything," he presses."There was no accident," Karlie says, trying to keep her tone leveled."Tell that to Lisa."Derek starts walking towards their classrom and she keeps up. Biology is their first period today.
Maybe I should skip.
Maybe I should run away as fast as I can."I'm not trying to deny anything. I'm just saying I'm okay, okay?" she tries to explain."Better than okay," he looks her up and down. "Are you trying to impress Mr. Banner? Or miss...Blondie?""Why in the world would I want to do that?" She can't help but get defensive.He laughs loudly."'Cause that outfit is definitely something she would wear.""Are you saying I'm unoriginal?" Karlie tries to control herself, but she has goosebumps on her arms."I'm saying if you're friends with her now, tell us! So we can stop referring to her as
the devil
and Lorde can get over her crush," he says jokingly.Karlie's eyes widen. She was gone for most of the time Karlie has been here! How could people think they're friends? Even Derek and Lorde?"I really hope you are the first of us earthlings to break the barrier into the Cullen world, I do.""Derek, please."They're very close to the classroom now, and Karlie feels nauseous."We're not friends. I'm not sure how you got that impression when you've been around me the entire time I've been here."She tries to keep looking at her friend's face as they walk inside."We'll talk about it later," he mumbles, patting her on the shoulder once.She sighs, watching him sit down next to his lab partner. Karlie knows she has no choice but to look up and move towards the last row.
She won't be there, Karlie cowardly thinks.But when she shifts her eyes, Taylor
is
there. Real and breathing. She's reading something, her face void of any expression. Karlie almost trips walking towards
her
- well, towards her own chair. Her brain is empty for a moment, and she basks in the good feeling that comes along with seeing Taylor's blond hair almost shining in the flourescent light. She looks at her for as long as she can, even as she sits down. She wants so analize every inch of her face, the curve of her lips, the flutter her eyelashes opening and closing as she blinks. She's too scared she'll vanish in a lavander haze of smoke anytime now.She looks so
sweet
today. Light blue sweater, golden earrings, soft curls falling perfectly around her face. Her lower lip trembles
so slightly
Karlie thinks she imagined it. Her body aches as she sits and watches her for a second too long, then forces herself to look down only to be distracted again by Taylor's fingers changing the page of her book. She has an expensive looking ring on her index finger that Karlie could probably never afford. The placement of it is endearing. Everything about her is.When she can manage to look away, she sees Derek looking at her over his shoulder. He raises his brows. She does the same, defyingly. He chuckles and turns away. She doesn't know what to do, forgets how to move.Right. Get your stuff from your bag. She takes out her books, her notebook and other suplies.
Go over your notes. She tries to read her own messy writing from the last class but her brain is filled with white noise and she can't focus.
READ, DAMN IT.
Phases of mitosis...A melodic voice interrupts her."Hi, Karlie."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
Karlie is taken off guard. She didn't expect Taylor to address her so directly, not in class nor anywhere else. Their talk yesterday was full of lies and unfinished lines, but Karlie had assumed that would be it - unless she initiated it herself. And she had promised Leah she would stay away from the blonde not even twenty-four hours ago.They're sitting so close now, close enough that she can feel every second pass in her presence. Karlie's brain makes sure she doesn't miss anything. She looks over at her, of course. Even if she wants to keep her promise, she was raised to be polite.And it feels like it's out of her hands anyway.She's
perfect. There's no other word. Karlie physically feels her anger fade away, seeing her up close. She tries to decode the emotion behind Taylor's eyes. She seems...careful? Worried, still. Like yesterday.
Remember she's a liar. Remember your promise to Leah."Hi," Karlie can barely hear her own voice. Taylor maintains her stare without moving too much. It makes her look even more like a doll; until she shifts in her seat, closing her book. Karlie notices she isn't using a bookmark."How are you doing?" Taylor asks in a soft tone.Dang it.
Karlie breathes in, stares at the cover of Taylor's book to ground herself. The title's in french, she doesn't recognize it."Uh, what are you reading?" Karlie suddenly asks out of curiosity, changing the subject.If Taylor is surprised by Karlie's question, it doesn't show."A collection of Franz Kafka's short stories," she says in a leveled tone.Karlie saves the autor's name in her memory."In french?" she adds, brows slightly raised, heart beating out of her chest.
What am I doing?Taylor shrugs, smiling politely."I'm learning," she simply says.Before Karlie can press further into the subject, Mr. Banner starts explaining their assignment for the day. Working as lab partners, the students would need to separate different slides of onion root tip cells into the phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly. Karlie had done this lab in her previous school, so she knew what to look for."Wanna go first?" Taylor offers with a small smile that makes Karlie feel a little dizzy.
She's a liar. Big liar. She lied to my dad. She lied to me.Karlie shifts in her seat, her palms sweating. She doesn't answer, just snaps the first slide into place under the microscope, adjusts it to the 40X objective and examines it for a moment, despite her nervousness."Prophase," she says with confidence."Do you mind if I look?" Taylor says as Karlie begins to remove the slide. The taller girl simply nods, popping it into place again."Prophase," the blonde agrees after looking at it for half a second."Like I said," Karlie points out, and finishes writing the word on her worksheet. Meanwhile, Taylor analises the second slide."Anaphase," she murmurs, then writes it down. Karlie stares at Taylor's handwriting, interested by every movement.The taller girl quickly pulls the microscope to herself, glancing through the eyepiece to find Taylor's correct. She's not surprised. After writing the word on her page too, she switches out the second slide for the third."Interphase," Karlie says. This time Taylor takes note without checking the slide herself. Karlie exhales, overwhelmed by Taylor's small sign of trust.They continue the assignment in this manner, finishing it in less than twenty minutes. When Mr. Banner comes over, Karlie mentions she has done this lab before, revealing to him (and to Taylor, who is clearly listening) she's not a genius or even smarter than most students. She just does the work.And she actually hates biology.There's nothing else to do but wait for the rest of the class to finish as well. Karlie starts scribbling on her notebook, drawing incohesive patterns like a three year old. She shouldn't...make conversation. She absolutely should
not. If Taylor talks to her she will answer, of course, but she shouldn't be...friendly."I saw you earlier," Taylor says as Karlie pretends to be lost in thought."Huh?" Karlie looks up instinctively. Grey eyes meet green and Karlie can't help but exhale slightly.
Get a grip."I saw you walking to school earlier.""I saw you, too," Karlie says in a quiet tone, trying to act nonchalant. "Inside the car.""You should be resting, you know?" Karlie's mouth drops open a little.
What is she trying to do? Lecture me?"That's your dad talking," she snaps back, looking away and missing Taylor's reaction to her words."If you want, I can give you a ride until your truck gets fixed."Karlie's eyes shoot back to the blonde. She has a casual smile on her lips but her eyes flicker with something strange. Like she's perpetually under sunlight, reflecting it somehow, even inside this poorly illuminated room. It's a little unsettling, if Karlie is being honest. She's in awe but something tells her she should be scared."Uh... Charl- M-my dad is coming to pick me up," Karlie stutters, going against every thought in her mind to say it. "But, thank you."Taylor doesn't say anything, nodding once. She goes back to reading her book, a curtain of blonde curls covering her eyes, and the only thing Karlie can see is her mouth once again. She looks away.This is bad. Really,
really
bad. Karlie wants to continue talking to her. It is nearly impossible to keep trying to avoid her when she's sitting so close. She desperately looks for Derek's eyes again, but this time he's busy talking to Mr. Banner and doesn't look back. She can feel her strength go through a metaphorical drain as her mind begs her to say something.
I know I made a promise to Leah, but we're in class together! We're lab partners - as of twenty-five minutes ago. We should speak to each other (sometimes). This conversation is not harmful at all. She's being nice. A little condescending but..."Are
you
doing okay?" Karlie says after a small exhale.Taylor turns to her slowly, eyes suddenly emotionless."Yeah," she says, sighing. "Not risking getting sick by going on long walks in the snow. Unlike
some people."Karlie groans a little, remembering how awful it really was. Her nose and hands still feel frozen from the wind. Taylor observes her from the corner of her eye."You don't like the cold," it's not a question."No," Karlie cringes a bit. "But I'm not getting sick.""Mmm," Taylor blinks slowly, changing the page of her book, ignoring her words. "Forks must be a really difficult place for you to live.""Oh, you have no idea," Karlie chuckles darkly. She still hasn't gotten used to the constant rain hitting her roof almost every night. Taylor looks up, suddenly fascinated by the other girl's words. Her face is such a distraction that Karlie can't help but keep staring."Why did you come here, then?" Her demanding stare makes Karlie stop in her tracks."Uh... it's
complicated."Taylor waits, eyes still focused on Karlie. The taller girl looks away so she can gather her thoughts."My mother remarried. And, well, her new husband travels a lot. He plays ball for a living," she tells her the short version of it."You don't like him," again, not a question. But this time she's wrong."No, Phil's fine. He's good for her. He keeps her young, is what she says," Karlie smiles, recalling how excited her mother had been about Karlie picking out her wedding dress. She feels nostalgic for the first time thinking of the ceremony, as if it hadn't happened less than a year ago. It feels like her entire life in Phoenix took place in a parallel universe."Why didn't you stay with them?" Karlie can't fanthom Taylor's sudden interest in her life. But then they lock eyes again and she's answering before she can even think too deeply."Uh... Phil plays minor league but wants bigger things, you know? And mom stayed with me at first but I could see that it made her unhappy. So we decided I could stay with my dad for a little while, so she could travel with Phil," Karlie hopes her tone isn't too sad as she explains it."You decided or
they
decided?" Taylor asks, looking a little frustrated.Karlie smiles awkwardly."Let's just say I went with it," she jokes."But now you're the one who's unhappy," Taylor states with a somber expression. Karlie shrugs and that seems to make her even more upset."That doesn't seem fair," Taylor says, finally closing her book again."My mom made a lot more sacrifices for me," Karlie simply says. "Why can't I handle this one so she can be happy?""You're asking me?" Taylor mumbles, raising her eyebrows very slightly."I-I
should
be able to handle it-""No," Taylor interrupts her, sighing as Karlie is caught by surprise. "I understand but... It's okay if you
can't.""I
can. I'm quite literally doing it," Karlie insists in a childlike tone, again without thinking."Fake it 'til you make it, right?" Taylor presses further."I'm not faking anything. You don't know me at all," Karlie retorts, heart beating out of her chest. She is clearly not handling things very well but why does it have to be written on her face?Taylor pauses for a second too long to be comfortable, then nods slowly."You're right," she mumbles, and quietly turns her head completely away from the other girl. Karlie can no longer see any details of her face, just a mess of blonde hair and a small part of her neck.Mr. Banner calls the class to order then, and Karlie turns with relief to listen. She feels embarrassment take over herself as she begins to overanalyze every word she had told Taylor in the course of this ten minute conversation.She hadn't really talked about any of this with anyone up to this point. Lorde and Derek knew what happened overall but they had never digged into it the way Taylor just did. She looked so genuinely insterested, trying to piece things together, then so frustrated to fully learn about Karlie's inertia in handling her own predicament.Karlie feels angry at herself for being so open. She hadn't got any closer to finding out more about the other girl, didn't confront her about her lies, broke Leah's promise for nothing. Taylor was the one that got under Karlie's skin. She was the one who got details on her life, who figured her out so quickly, not failing to point out how much of a coward Karlie is.
Great.The rest of the class is a blur and Karlie's thoughts are unmanageable. She wants to re-do the entire interaction and accept Taylor's ride so she could at least have more time to fight back and turn it on her.
Why did you lie yesterday, huh? You think you're so much better. What are you, my therapist? You're so full of yourself.Well, they would have to speak to each other again either way. Karlie can't let this go even if she wanted to, even if she was strong enough to keep away. And if Taylor made an effort to talk to her today, that clearly means she wants something from her. The Cullens don't just
make conversation.When the bell rings, Taylor just raises from her seat and swifly leaves without saying anything. Karlie watches in silence, stuck in place for a couple of seconds. When Derek finally looks back and sees her expression, he laughs so loudly everyone turns to look at him.-The gym is empty and silent when Karlie and her friends enter during lunch break. Karlie feels a little anxious knowing she could at least be seeing Taylor sitting with her family at their usual table right now if they were at the cafeteria.
Could you not think abour her for a goddamn second?"She talked to Taylor Cullen the
entire
first period today," Derek spills it out as soon as they sit on the floor, making their little impromptu picnic."What?" Lorde's jaw drops."For God's sake," Karlie sighs. "We were doing the lab together, Derek.""That's not what it looked like."Karlie is silent for a moment, fear taking over her thoughts.
What does that mean? What did it look like?"I've never seen that girl talk that much to anybody other than her sister. It was freaky," he says."No way," Lorde grabs Karlie's arm with curious eyes. "You're really friends with her?""Why do you think that?!" Karlie asks, throwing her head back in exhaustion, trying to push her paranoia away.
They don't think I... They just think we're friends. Which isn't even true..."You just
proved
you're friendly," Derek points out as if he could read her thoughts.Karlie's mouth opens and closes as if she's going to say something but nothing comes out."Karlie, why are you denying it?" Lorde hits her on the arm."Ow!""Hayley told us she saw you two hanging out in Port Angeles this weekend."Karlie can't help but cringe at the gossip.
This one is completely baseless."We know already! So tell us all the details," Derek insists.Karlie breathes in deeply, trying to control her emotions. Do the people here never get tired of spreading rumors about her? The fact that Taylor is directly involved this time makes it a thousand times worse."That's a
lie. I swear to God. She must have mistaken me for someone else.""We didn't even know she was back," Lorde muses. Karlie notices she's more expressive than usual when she talks about Taylor.
Let's not act like I don't share her obsession.
"But Hayley swore on her life she saw you two
shopping
together.""On sunday I went to church service then spent the rest of the day at home. Ask Charlie if you want," she tells the truth.Her friends watch her in silence for a moment."I swear," she crosses her heart."Why were you two talking today, then?" Lorde inquires."We were doing the assignment! And it wasn't friendly. She's so...annoying."Karlie's not sure she's even lying anymore. It definitely wasn't friendly by the end of it. And Taylor
is
annoying. She's so persistent and has a way with her words that drives Karlie absolutely insane.Derek furrows her brows. Lorde smiles knowingly."Everyone at achool thinks you're in with the Cullen's now, though," Derek points out while eating his sandwich."What else does
everyone at school
think, Derek? Please, do tell," the taller girl asks sarcastically."Don't get angry at me for enjoying my thirty seconds of fame," he jokes."Can we not feed more into it?" Karlie says in a serious tone. "I'm tired of being the subject of gossip. Even Leah asked me if I was pregnant yesterday.""Are you?" Derek murmurs jokingly. Karlie glares at him, hitting his arm. "Ow! Sorry, this is how I cope! Can we stop hitting each other?""She started it," Karlie gestures towards Lorde while finally eating some doritos and taking a sip of coke.Derek hits Lorde on the arm so they're all even. Karlie chuckles watching her flinch."We're not feeding into it. Hayley is the one who's telling everybody," the brunette says."Who
is
that?" Karlie asks. She doesn't recognize the name at all."Ah, just a freshman," Derek shrugs."Well, I don't get it. I'm not a celebrity or even worth the interest," Karlie shakes her head slightly, eating more of her chips."Karlie, it'll die down. You've been here a week. It's been eventful, for sure, but people will move on," Derek assures her after a long sigh.Karlie shakes her head.
One week. Why does she feel so stuck in time? Why can't it move faster?"Just lay low, okay? Maybe don't even come to the spring dance and don't engage in other activities for a little while. Because I'm pretty sure Josh and a couple other boys are
dying
to invite you and that would be a whole 'nother deal.""I thought it was girls' choice," She's seen the signs all over the halls but hadn't considered going alone. Lorde and Derek had told her they won't go and she doesn't feel like she knows enough people or like she could possibly fit in at this dance. Lorde said she hates prom and Derek is scared of the boys here, scared of the humiliation.Both of her friends seem to not care about rites of passage in high school but not going to prom seems bittersweet nonetheless. Karlie doesn't fully know why Lorde hates the idea of it. Maybe because she can't go with whom she wants to.
She has to know it's impossible. Taylor would never want her. Or any other girl for that matter... But she wouldn't go with a boy either, would she?
Karlie's palms start to sweat at the thought of Taylor wanting
anyone
at all. Anyone
else."Doesn't mean they won't still try," Lorde points out.Karlie groans. She really needs to sit down and figure out her thoughts. What would she say if a random guy asks her to go? Is saying no to Josh straight away really the best option? She never considered giving him a chance and he will keep bothering her for God knows how long. Maybe her way out of this is going to this dance with him and acting crazy so he leaves her alone.
I've just been told to lay low. What am I thinking?"Are you two still not going?""Not me," Lorde says.Derek looks down at his hands and doesn't answer."Maybe we could go together, it wouldn't be so bad," Karlie suggests."I don't know," Derek sighs deeply. "I'm not feeling like getting beat up at the parking lot aftewards.""Have they done this to you before? Joshua and his friends?" Karlie asks worriedly."Happened one time," Derek says carefully. "I was the one who poked the bear anyways."Fucking typical. Karlie immediately hates herself for even considering going with Josh."Go with Karlie. So you can show them. Josh is really into her, he would hate that," Lorde says calmly, stroking his shoulder. "Plus you could pick out her dress for her.""That
would be fun," Derek gives them a small smile."Hey, I didn't agree to that!" Karlie jokes, and they start talking about possibly matching outfits and taking Derek's father's car to go out shopping. Lorde seems happy for them but is very quiet as they discuss it. When the decision to go is finally made, Karlie grabs her hand."Please come with us. We'll just judge everybody and take shots in the bathroom.""And who will be sneaking the alcohol in, miss perfect?""I'll hide it in my bra. Come with us, grumpy," Derek insists too, now seeming excited about the idea.Lorde considers it for a second as her friends say the word "please" at least twenty times."Fine! I'll go just to watch Karlie get drunk," she says with a small smile."I think she needs it," Derek says and Karlie rolls her eyes.-The subject of the Cullens is not brought up again that day. Karlie does her best to avoid it and her friends are too focused on talking about their new prom plans. It seems all they needed was a little push - a promise of alcohol and shopping for cute dresses. Karlie isn't big on drinking, it makes her feel doozy and weird; it makes her kiss her friends on the lips and let boys stroke her too much. She wasn't a party girl at all but her girlfriends back in Phoenix sometimes dragged her into that world and she wasn't very good at saying no.
Well, drinking with these nerds won't be like that. There will be no 25 year olds trying to kiss me on the neck here...hopefully.Karlie is quick to leave once the last bell rings. As soon as she's outside she spots Charlie's car in the parking lot and sighs with relief. She needs to get out of here. She needs to think in a quiet place, to allow herself to feel everything she's holding back. She can't be truthful to anyone but herself so she needs to be alone.Her father is standing near another car, scolding the kid in the driver's seat. He hasn't seen her yet so she waits on a bench by the sidewalk as they finish talking. Apparently he thinks he smells weed in the car. This would take a while. Karlie looks around and tries to warm up by breathing on her own hands. She watches as other students leave the building, anxious to go before she can see a certain
someone. (In reality she shouldn't want to see her at all and her heart shouldn't ache with disappointment if she doesn't).It's so cold, people are leaving quickly. When the parking lot is nearly empty and Karlie is running out of patience, something grabs her attention: the Cullen kids (except for one) strut down the parking lot towards a red BMW Karlie had never seen before.
How flashy. Why isn't she with them?
The girl searches for the black Volvo she knows for sure Taylor was driving earlier. She gets a rush of excitement when her eyes find it on the far left of the lot, one of the last cars parked there. The red BMW drives away with Edward (Was that his name?) in the driver's seat.
She's still here. Why is she in a separate car? She said herself the black one is her brother's, not hers."Karlie!" her father calls for her, finally noticing his daughter freezing by the entrance. "I'm so sorry, kiddo-
Damn it, Jason, don't make me say it twice!"Karlie sighs and goes over to him. The two kids who were in the car are getting out and Charlie is packing up a couple of unfinished joints inside a small plastic bag.
Holy shit, he actually found weed in there?"Karlie, I'm sorry but I have to escort these kids to the station before I can take you home, it'll be quick-""Dad, I can walk the way back too. I'm fine," she isn't fine. She's
freezing
and she knows she will regret every minute of it."Don't be silly, darlin-
go on, get inside! I don't have all day!" As Charlie deals with the two boys getting in the backseat of his car, Karlie looks towards the entrance for a split second, as if her name was called.Naturally, Taylor is there. Karlie is getting used to her mere presence being like a siren call. She's looking expensive in a long, dark blue (definitely designer) coat, walking down the steps quickly - eyes on the floor. Karlie aches to know why she's alone.So she doesn't think."Taylor!" she yells. Well, yelling isn't the right word. Her tone is hoarse and week, she can't believe herself. The blonde somehow hears her, stops walking and looks up, having the most gracious confused expression Karlie has ever seen.
Why does she look like she's on a TV commercial all of the time?
The parking lot is pretty empty already, except for Charlie and the kids in his car, who are arguing with each other and not paying attention.Her feet force her toward the other girl like her body is a magnet. Karlie is shaking so much her shoulders are trembling, and she tells herself it's only from the cold. Taylor simply stands in place and waits, hands inside her pockets."I'll actually take that ride, if that's okay with you," Karlie spills out with a heaving breath."Oh," is all Taylor says. Karlie can't figure out if the blonde's low tone means she's disappointed or not. Her heart drops."Uh, if you can't that's-" The taller girl starts but Taylor quickly interrupts her."No, I can," she murmurs in a criptic tone and her grey eyes shift away for a moment. "Are you
sure
you don't want to go with your dad?""No, he's busy, I don't want to be in the way," Karlie says, looking back at Charlie who now watches the two girls while giving a small wave. He suddenly decides to walk over in heavy "I'm the chief of police" steps.
This might be embarrassing."Hey, girls," he says and strokes Karlie's shoulders. "My God, Karlie, you're shaking."Karlie shrugs and feels herself blushing under Taylor's curious stare."I was just saying I would give her a ride home, Chief," the blonde says, now in a sure and clear tone, looking directly at Charlie. Karlie observes the interaction."Well, that's great, isn't it, K.?"Karlie simply nods, now surely red from head to toe."Don't worry, I talked to Billy and he said he'll get your window fixed by the end of the week," he tells Karlie."I could give her a ride until then," Taylor offers. She's still staring at Charlie, then turns to the other girl with soft eyes. "If
you
want."Karlie is frozen for a moment and Charlie answers for her."That's very nice of you. That's okay, right, kid? I can bring you before work then you get a ride with her on the way back?"Why are they treating me like an eight year old child?
She wants to accept it, of course, she even wished for it and quite literally just asked Taylor to take her. But doing this
once
feels overwhelming enough. Everyday for the rest of the week? What would they talk about? She can't be friends with her.But what
can
she do? They're making it impossible for her to say no without sounding like a brat. And she doesn't want to refuse, even when she knows she should.
I broke my promise already."Fine," is what comes out of her mouth at first. "I mean, it's- it's great, thank you."She doesn't want to be ungrateful and decides she will swallow any mixed feelings she has about the situation and just use these oportunities to find out whatever she can about the other girl. She's in too deep.
Leah doesn't have to know. I need to make sure no one else knows about this so it won't get to her. And if the rumor that has been going around reaches her, I'll just tell the truth. We aren't friends. We weren't shopping in Port Angeles. It is the truth. It doesn't mean anything, anyway. Taylor doesn't mean anything. I just really need to get under her skin so she can have a little taste of her own poison."Well, it's settled," Taylor says with a neutral expression, but Karlie can see something flickering in her eyes. She feels her own stomach fill with anxiety.
No one can know.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
The human breathes in agaisnt her chest. She feels her own body move along, following the girl's rhythm effortlessly. Breathe in, breathe out. It's slow. Each inhales fills her lungs with desire.
She smells so sweet. Must taste so sweet.
In the dark blue reflection of the van next to her, she watches her own eyes get covered in black veins, her fangs coming out.Just a taste, it echoes in her head.The monster is so hard to ignore.
It's only the beginning. There's no escaping it.
She's not scared. She wants it.With a feather touch, she removes Karlie's soft hair from the side of her neck. Her fingers remain there, feeling how warm she is. The beat of her heart grows stronger and Taylor swears her own ears ring with the way the girl's entire body pulses. Every beat is an invitation. A plead.
Please.She realises the word is coming out of the human's lips.Something shifts right then. The reaction is clear.
She wants it too. Taylor's claim for her is now overwhelming, consuming every cell in her body.
She's mine, mine, mine.So she gives in. Digs into her neck with a quick bite, blood splattering on her own face. She feels the human's neck break with the force of it. After a few seconds, her heartbeat stops.-She wakes up gasping for air. The shock of the dream takes her breath away. It's beyond strange and human-like. She quickly forces herself to recover when she realizes she's being watched - Selena is sitting next to her on the bed with a puzzled look on her face. If she were human, Taylor would be shaking. But her vampiric senses make her keep still like a statue and analyze her own body and her surroundings before making another move.She's scared. She knows she is. She tries to focus on that feeling, because her thoughts are also filled with this sort of possessive desire she has never felt before. Her body is responding to it in a way she can't do much about and she strongly hopes Selena won't notice it from where she's sitting. She can't smell the difference herself yet but she can feel the arousal between her legs. She needs a shower urgently."Bad dream?" Her sister asks in a small voice.Taylor shifts away, staring towards the giant windows. The blackness outside reflects the contents of her small room. It's 2 AM according to the watch on her nightstand. She rarely uses that watch, or this bed. Whenever she's free she's in the woods, hoping the raindrops on her cheeks will make her feel something. They never do."Never let me sleep again," she mumbles angrily. She's not sure what triggered her slumber but she'll make sure to fight her own body whenever she feels it coming again.Selena doesn't respond. She simply reaches foward with her hand to stroke Taylor's hair. Taylor pulls away; she doesn't want her sister to get too close. Her chest is filled with guilt and embarrassment. She looks for Edward's presence in the house and unfortunately hears his voice coming from his room.
Ugh. He's talking to Jasper so hopefully he isn't paying attention to her thoughts. She also hears Carlisle and Esme move inside the house; Carlisle in his office, Esme in the living room."I'm sorry we've been so harsh with you," Selena says slowly. "I can't imagine what must be going through your head."
Well. I really, really hope no one is in my head right now.
"I wish I knew what's going through yours," Taylor says in a slightly ironic tone."I don't know everything, T." her sister mumbles with a long sigh."Can you leave, please?" Taylor asks, still too aware of her own body. She can't have this conversation right now.Selena is quiet for a moment too long, sitting very still on the bed. Taylor sees her face reflected on the windows. Vision time. She lets out a tired sigh."I know you want to talk to everyone. Let's do that, okay? Let's lay things out on the table," she says in a sure tone."Right," Taylor is taken aback by this. Of course this is what she intended. But she's not entirely sure how she'll play it. Either way, Selena has seen it happen.
What will I do? Do you really know? Do I?Her sister finally leaves her room and Taylor exhales in relief, knowing very well anyone in the house could hear her if they were paying attention. She makes sure to avoid thinking about the dream she just had or the feelings that came along with it and simply gets up and moves in human speed towards her bathroom. She's still scared, but she pushes that away too.Edward had removed the pieces of her bathtub from the room after she broke it in half the day before and it looks like someone has already began fixing the damage she had done to the floor and the plumbing. Probably Esme. So she has to use her shower. Not the best idea: showers make her too pensive and depressed. But she can't avoid it now. She washes her entire body and the more clean she gets, the more disgusted she feels with herself. The shame that comes over her is so strong she cries silently, letting the tears fall alongside the water hitting her face.It's a long shower. She still doesn't feel like it's enough but she eventually forces herself to turn the water off. After she dries her body and hair, she sits on the bathroom floor, staring into nothing, wondering how the hell is she supposed to do this. Talk to her family, make them see her side. No one understands the gravity of it. Today was the first time she fell asleep on her own and
that
is what her brain comes up with. That is what
she wants. She woke up filled with want. It's awful.She couldn't even remember what the blood tasted like in the dream. She only remembers the feeling, the high. Vampires don't forget things, so this is also strange. Maybe she couldn't come up with an imaginary taste for her. Maybe it isn't about the blood. Her smell isn't particularly different from any other young human. It's about her attraction. The touch, her reaction. The one word that she imagined in the human's voice. Taylor wants it so much it drives her mad with anxiousness.She's starting to lose control of herself in a very, very dangerous way. More dangerous than she could have ever anticipated. Even in her most reckless moments, she still had some idea of how to stop. The line between what's the right thing to do and what's right for the monster inside her head gets cloudier and cloudier.She is sure of two things:One, her desire for Karlie could kill her.Two, the thought of leaving Karlie has very quickly become unbearable.Saying the truth - even if only inside her head - makes her pull herself together. She's been pushing through and she could still try to ignore it but her dream was right on one thing: there is no escaping this. At least not yet.
No, this can't be it. I can't just make peace with the fact that killing her could be inevitable. That I saved her life only so I could take it away myself.
Her internal monologue only worsens her recklessness. It's sad how her stupid mind can't come up with anything but dread.
...I have to try and get some help on this.
Maybe Jasper will be on her side. He could easily control her feelings if he was willing to. Plus he can't read her thoughts and turn things on her. He's too close to Edward but Taylor can try to make him see she's not so different from him. He has had his own share of problems with self-control in the past.Okay, that is a plan, at least.
Get Jasper to help her control her emotions and, therefore, her urge to kill the human. That would take away half the weight of her shoulders. Maybe then, it will be easier to manage her own attraction.
Leaving could be a possibility again. I just have to be stubborn enough. This is the spell, not me.This solution isn't half bad. It's temporary. If she can't manage to leave just yet she'll have to find a way to train her own brain into not giving in. Her family found a way to avoid harming humans, she could figure out how to do the same with this bond. It's the same principle, going against an innate vampiric instinct.She gets up from the floor, hopeful in her motivations. She might be an evil creature fighting her own nature but all that matters is that the human survives and Taylor gets what she deserves in the end. Immortality cut short.Is she a masochist for smiling at that thought?-"I'm moving out," is what comes out of her lips when everyone is finally together in the living room. This decision is made right then in that moment. It's impulsive, even for her; but it's right. Right for the new plan and it ultimately makes sense for her.
She needs distance from them, Edward and Selena especially.Carlisle, Esme and Jasper are surprised at her revelation."No one takes my side into account and I understand why. I'm not trustworthy. But I am done making your lives miserable," she says with a deep, shaky sigh."You do not," Esme says, eyes already filled with tears. "Please don't say that.""You know that's not true," Selena says in the softest tone.She looks away from them, embarrassed and sad."I'll finish the school year as I promised and keep up with the play for the humans. But I'm sorry, I just don't want to be...here," she says and her heart aches. This is a step towards her breaking the strong family bond she has nurtured for more than five years since she agreed to be part of the Cullens. It makes her want to cry again, but if she's ever going to gather up the courage to leave, this is the path she has to be on.They all stare at her for a moment. Esme and Carlisle are worried. Jasper is confused. Selena is hurt.
Damn it. Edward seems to understand."If you need space, that's fine. Take the Volvo. Stay at our cottage. Jasper and I decided we'll stay here anyway," he suggests with a small reassuring smile. Jasper nods along without hesitation after hearing Edward's words. When she locks eyes with him, her anxiety fades away into calmness. She exhales in relief.
He could really help me. I just need to convince him.She doesn't have much of a choice but doing what Edward wants. She can't live nowhere else in Forks without being noticed. She would have to find a place in Port Angeles or another town further away. This is easier. Their cottage is a small, hidden thing located deeper into the Cullen side of the woods. The Quileutes won't bother her. It's not too far but it's far enough for the time being. Of course, Selena must have seen this coming and that's why Edward refused to move into the cottage with Jasper when he wanted to, a couple of weeks back.
Asshole. You didn't need to do that. You know how bad that makes me feel?He shrugs with an ironic little half smile on his face that makes Taylor want to punch him in the jaw. Then hug him a little bit."We would never force you to stay if you don't want to, but this makes me deeply sad,"
Esme approaches her and grabs her hands. "Promise me this isn't an excuse to go to Italy."Well..."It isn't," she murmurs tiredly. Esme really does not deserve this. All she and her husband do is try to make her feel comfortable in their home. It's not their fault there's a million different things that are wrong with her brain. Taylor hugs her tight for a moment and everyone is silent.
Is my heart really that rotten? I'm so awful for doing this so suddenly.
"I-I'll do what Edward said. I won't go far. How about that?"Esme looks hopeful and Taylor smiles slightly to appease her.
I won't be able to say goodbye to them. A real goodbye, when the time comes. I'll have to find a way to make it as quick and painless as it can be. Maybe I'll write them letters, that could work.She doesn't even mind Edward is reading her thoughts right now. It doesn't matter. He can't make decisions for Jasper. He can and has made decisions for Taylor but she's putting an end to it (hopefully).Edward doesn't react to the words in her mind, seeming unbothered."You will let us visit?" Esme asks in a hopeful tone.Taylor looks down.
It's best if I start setting some boundaries."I won't disappear but I need some space," Taylor says apologetically. "F-for now."Esme nods, one single dark tear falling from her eye. She strokes Taylor's cheek one last time and goes to Carlisle, holding him in a strong embrace. He caresses her back and hair to calm her. Sadness overcomes Taylor thoughts. She needs to get out of the house before they make her change her mind."You can go now," Edward says in a low tone. He hands her the keys to his Volvo and everyone is suddenly quiet. She raises her brows.
Are you kicking me out?
He doesn't answer, also looking skeptical. She assumes he's angry that she made Esme cry. Well.
I need to stop being so affected by his reactions. What he thinks doesn't matter.A small smile appears on his face again but he quickly changes his expression. Taylor sighs, changing her attention to Selena, who seems lost in thought, sitting on the sofa alone. The blonde walks slowly and takes a seat by her side."I'm sorry I made an enemy out of you," she says softly. "I just need you to let me be in control of my own life. I feel so suffocated all the time. I understand your intentions but can you understand mine? Have you ever tried?"Her sister looks down at her hands, biting her lower lip in embarrassment."I just don't want to lose you," she murmurs. "I can't say it's good for me, either. It's not fun or easy to monitor your future. But I can't live with myself if I don't make sure you have one."The taller girl blinks away the tears that threaten to come.
Selena's sadness makes her want to reconsider her entire plan.
I need to leave now."Edward said you won't interfere. Keep that promise, will you? Keep your visions to yourself."Her sister doesn't react."Selena, please," Taylor pleads, grabing her hand. The brunette still can't look her in the eye but she nods."For now," she says.
That's the best I'll get from her.-The cottage is cold and filled with dust everywhere. There is no silence - she can hear the forest around her, alive and constant. She takes her time cleaning things up, trying to distract herself for at least a couple of hours. It's difficult not to allow her mind to wonder. In an attempt to escape her evil thoughts, she gives full attention to the smallest details of each object she touches: the hard wooden table underneath her fingers, then sizzle of yellow and orange that comes from the fireplace when she lights it. She sweeps the floors and cleans every surface she can find. Once she's done, the house smells like artificial lavander and is so warm Taylor starts to absorb it.
If I stay by this fire long enough I can be warm like a human. For a little while.
Would she like that? Would she feel safe, then?
-Taylor doesn't
mean
to see her the next time she does.She always knows when people are near her, either because of their smell or their voice or the way they walk. But this time she is mostly distracted - thinking of how she should approach Jasper this morning - and not focused on the humans outside the car as she drives to school.She stops at a yellow light (she's not the best driver so she
tries
to be careful when driving in town) and nearly does some damage to the steering wheel when she sees Karlie waiting to cross the street right by the side of her car. A surprising, refreshing,
human
feeling takes over her. If Taylor were to step out now, she'd face her directly. The taller girl seems
very
annoyed, hair all over her face due to the cold wind outside. She spits a couple of strands out of her lips and it's so endearing and unintentionally funny Taylor finds herself genuinely laughing without realizing.The vampire then watches her shamelessly with a small reluctant smile on her face but the seconds pass by too fast: the light turns red. Karlie crosses the street and when they lock eyes through the front window, Taylor forces herself to come back down to earth; the corners of her mouth falling into her usual cranky expression.
What am I doing?Returning to her emotional state of anger and frustration, she notices Karlie does not seem happy to see her either, looking away quickly and continuing on her way. The light turns green.Taylor hits the gas a little too forcefully, shaking her head like her hair is full of insects, buzzing, biting and hurting all over.
What the fuck was that?She drives like a maniac the rest of the way, and, not even five minutes later, she's parked on the school's lot holding her head in her hands.Selena's car is already there, her family has already arrived.
Why was she on foot?
Taylor's early, if she could get Jasper alone she could at least introduce him to her idea and the reasoning behind it.
Her truck's window must still be broken from the accident. But why couldn't her dad bring her?Taylor gets out of the car before she starts crying or something worse. She's so unstable, she can't trust herself.
She hates me, she knows I lied.
She looks for Jasper in the building and simply walks toward his smell and voice, one robotic foot in front of the other.
Look human, look human, look human.Edward and Jasper are hanging out in the hallway, acting
very much human
themselves, getting stuff from their lockers. Jasper is already aware of her, and she starts to feel him take over her emotions before they even lock eyes. He makes her calm down and she imagines this is how taking morphine must feel like for a human.She stops by their side. Edward gives her a nod and simply leaves. He knows her thoughts and knows her future by proxy. But he said he won't interfere;
they
won't. Maybe Jasper already knows and is already resolved on not helping her. Everything is so out of her hands but right now she can't feel anything about it, his quiet peaceful fake emotion has taken her mind entirely."He can be a bit much sometimes," Jasper shakes his head, chuckling timidly."I honestly don't know how you can bear it," she says, her face contorting into a grimace."C'mon, don't be like that," he leans agaisnt his locker and crosses his arms, smiling at her reaction. She shrugs as if to say she can't help it. He quickly changes the subject: "Well, I'm sure talking about Edward is not why you wanted time alone with me, is it?""Definitely
not," she sighs deeply. "And we're technically not alone.""He said he won't listen," Jasper says carefully."Did he? Well, it doesn't matter, does it? I wouldn't be able to hide anything even if I wanted to. I just didn't want him to be hovering.""Okay," he shifts his weight, playing his human part even when no one's looking. Taylor is never that good at it, she always forgets to move. She leans agaisnt the locker next to his just to look less like a statue. He waits for her to begin."I'm sure you know what I'm about to ask... I... I know it's not fun for you, feeling what I'm feeling. I know what you do is not as simple as flipping a switch. I also know you can't be at my beck and call..."She's feeling calm but she still has a hard time finding the right words for whatever reason. He furrows his brows, confused."Taylor, I've only been told that you wanted to talk to me. I don't know any specifics. What
exactly
do you need?"
Just get to the point.
"I
need
you to keep me calm when I'm in class," she says quickly in a pleading tone, before she can think too hard about it. "Just whenever I'm around...the girl. Things could turn
very badly very easily. I'm full now but I don't trust myself. I feel like anything could trigger me into hurting her and I'm just counting down the seconds until I explode."For some reason, Jasper stops controlling her emotions as she talks and everything comes back to her in a rush. Taylor tries not to sound
too
desperate, but fails. She
is
desperate. Angry. Too aware. She's not out of control now and Karlie's smell isn't exactly the problem, but this thing is just so much bigger than simple bloodlust. It's something about
her touch
and
her voice
and if she says something that could... If they somehow touch again...
Would I kill her in a room full of kids? Would it be as fast as it was in the dream?
If her plan is to get over the spell, she needs to see the girl everyday. Jasper's role is indispensable so Taylor can build her metaphoric immune resistance and make it fight the Karlie virus. Once she's used to it, the girl will have little to no effect on her. It is only logical. Then she can leave, and Karlie will survive.Taylor suddenly gets lost thinking of the many ways Karlie could get killed by her or by The Volturi. She imagines Aro - the clan's leader who can read entire lives with a single touch - taking her hand and seeing everything. What's happening to Taylor and the human is so unnatural by their standards she's sure they would kill them both immediately. And well, Karlie dying by Taylor's own hand is a very real possibility, even if Selena and Edward refuse to admit it. All Taylor needs is a touch (maybe even less). And she's being
pulled
towards her like a white shark getting into a frenzy over a single droplet of blood in the water.
I have to get closer to build resistance, not fucking give into it.
Jasper watches her face worriedly as she's lost in her thoughts for a couple of seconds. Taylor exhales, missing the calmness he had given her moments before."Will you help me?" she asks, expecting the worst.He responds without hesitation:"Yes."Taylor is a bit shoked. She stops leaning on the locker and watches him carefully. He doesn't seem to be joking."Taylor, what you're feeling is quite torturous. Of course I'll help. I wish you'd let me help sooner and more often."When they met, she made sure to ask him not to mess with her head too much, knowing it would be impossible to escape the other gifted vampires in their home. Selena and Edward were already overwhelming and annoying enough. So Jasper would only change her emotions ocasionally, very hesitantly and not for long. She must really be miserable because, since last night, he seems to be doing it without giving it a second thought."And you won't bring Edward into it?"He cringes slightly."I can't promise that, you know.""Okay, but will you try?"He shakes his head."I
cannot
promise that."Taylor accepts her defeat - or is it a victory overall? he
has
agreed to help her. And Edward can't stop existing, he and Jasper are practically joined at the hip. The poor guy can't hide anything from the mind reader but he doesn't seem to care most of the time.
Of course, they are mates! Ugh."Okay," she shrugs, chuckling, trying her best not to roll her eyes. "I really don't know how to thank you, Jasper," her tone is genuine and relieved."Honestly, it's no bother. It'll be something to do instead of watching these boring classes.""Can you-" she starts but he interrupts."Don't worry, I don't have to pay attention to your conversations. Just your consciousness and your emotional responses."She grimaces, now considering if talking to the human is the right way to play this. She could try to compell her again if they engage in conversation. The more information she has about her, the better, right? She has to ensure Karlie won't tell anyone, and has to expose herself to the pull of the spell in order to get over it. Jasper will keep her calm so she won't feel anything.
Right?"I wasn't going to say- you can listen if you want. Like I told you, I know I can't hide anything. I just don't want anyone to hover and
meddle."Jasper nods once, seeming concerned again. Taylor continues talking before he can change his mind about helping her:"I was actually going to ask you... Can you actually block
everything...
Every
feeling, or... How does it work?" She feels herself get too still again so she starts fiddling with her fingers.They speak in a lower tone now, the hallway is starting to get full of teenagers who grabbing stuff from their lockers and talking amongst themselves."Well, I think I've mentioned to you before - I can see your emotions around you, and feel them coming like a cloud of smoke. It's very instinctive, in a way. Like a deer sensing a storm or a forest fire is near. I always pick up the strongest emotion in the room before any other - grief and fear are always very overwhelming. Sometimes I change them so I don't have to feel them myself. I've never...failed at it, if that's what you're asking. But I have to warn you, there are some emotions I have never
tried
to change, so I can't guarantee that I am able to block everything.""What haven't you tried to change? Love?" she raises a brow."Love doesn't behave the way emotions do, so I can't sense it nor control it. I do sense yearning, lust, peace, joy; things we've learned to equate with love. What I haven't tried to change are mostly positive emotions, such as contentment and pride, for example."Positive emotions? Taylor scoffs, relieved again."You won't have to worry about those with me."He finishes explaining that he doesn't have to maintain eye contact or be right next to her to do it, but he does need to stay in the school premises. Or wherever else she is. He can't be too far, his skill doesn't work like Edward's."I only need you
here," she says firmly.
I can do this. I have to. Again, there is no escaping it. I'll see her everyday, hear her voice, talk to her a bit. Try to compell her. The last time wasn't that bad. I just can't touch her or get her talking about stuff she shouldn't talk about, nor talk about stuff I can't talk about. Easy enough. I will not leave this school with her or try to get her to go any place else. I will deal with her here and just endure whatever I have to endure until it's over.As if she knew Taylor was thinking about her, she smells Karlie getting close. It shouldn't be so easy to identify her scent in the middle of the hallway with all these other humans around but the vampire does.
It's not a big deal. I'm getting used to it. That's the point, right? That's the goal."Jasper, start now, please."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
To say things spiraled out of her control would be a huge understatement.They're in class together and Taylor can't help but get the human talking, leaning completely into the fake peace Jasper instilled in her. The girls are stuck as lab partners and Karlie is
so
smart and quick with her words... The vampire fails to conceal her growing interest. It's difficult to avoid falling into this Karlie-shaped hole she actively dug for herself. She is caught by her own trap, she is here by her own choice.She keeps asking and
offering
things but the human doesn't seem to care too much. Initially she looks nonchalant and, by the end of their talk, she is visibly furious. Taylor had made her angrier than earlier, when she saw her green eyes through the Volvo's window. Karlie's heart is racing throughout their entire exchange; she could be nervous for a number of reasons the blonde wouldn't possibly know. The entire thing just makes Taylor despise herself even more.The girl is open-hearted, altruistic and kind. And so, so young. She's going through so much at home, feeling powerless and stuck in a place she hates. To make the matters worse, her life has suddenly turned into a spectacle for the bored and vicious small-town gossipers. Who does Taylor think she is, presuming she has the right to use her as an experiment?
If it succeeds, she lives. But if it fails, then what? It's over, just like that? Will I kill this girl before she gets a chance at a real life? Inflict upon her the exact same injustice that was done to me?Karlie doesn't seem to feel anything for her. Probably because she's human. This is Taylor's main takeway from the conversation: there's no reason for the younger girl to give her the time of the day. She seems anxious to leave, eager to distance herself. And she might as well tell people about what had transpired the day before—or what she believes transpired. Her current fury will probably make her do it. Taylor can't even say she tried to compell her one last time. What would be the point? She is hopelessly playing with fire anyway.What hurts the most is also the undeniable truth: she knows
nothing
about Karlie beyond the snippets of information she has heard from her today. Karlie's last sentence is honest and it cuts through her like a knife.
You don't know me at all.There are only two silver linings in her painful hell: first, she has
no chance
with the girl— this is good because she has to learn how to deal with rejection and Karlie dismissing her would be the best thing she could do for herself. Second, not once did she feel the familiar ache in her throat that would make things dangerous for the human. She is still full but Jasper is also partially to blame for her bloodthirst being kept in check.Partially, because she
does
feel things beyond what Jasper induces. As the conversation progresses, the calmness he gives her seems to gradually fade. She emphatizes with Karlie's anger and surely gets more and more emotionally involved. It's as if her brain is cut in half: one part is controlled by her adoptive brother, the other is reacting to Karlie's emotions as if they're her own.She wants to
help
the girl.She wishes she could find a way to get Karlie back to her Phoenix life before things had to change so suddenly. She actually
could
help, one conversation with the human's mother would sufice.
Would compelling work over the phone?
She has never tried that before. She could only think of unethical ways to do it.
That's nothing, I've done much worse. Helping this girl would be a good thing.And, by doing that, Taylor would also ensure she'd be far away. The vampire couldn't go to Phoenix because of the constant and intense sunlight. She wouldn't follow her there and live a life in the shadows, would she? That'd be fucking insane.But then again, she was set on leaving right after the accident and
didn't. She couldn't do it. Now she's stuck here, trying to make more excuses to interact with the taller girl. So,
yes, if Karlie left, Taylor would likely find a way to follow. At least right now, that's what she would do.It's maddening, the way she is allowing herself to simply
succumb
to what the ancient magic in her veins is telling her to do.-She goes about the rest of her morning trying to recenter herself. Jasper is still in her mind but it isn't as strong. It's as if she is building a resistance to his power instead of Karlie's pull.
Fantastic."Did you tone it down?" she asks him during lunch break.Karlie isn't at the cafeteria. Taylor confirmed earlier she's friends with the goth girl who has a crush on her and the baker's kid, who has a crush on Jasper. Of course she'd befriend the biggest Cullen haters at the school. The ones who watched the family more intently. She is probably going to tell them about the accident. Taylor has been listening for their voices and it seems they're going to eat at the gym, away from the prying eyes of other teens."No, why? Does it feel different?" Jasper asks, curious. Edward watches her out of the corner of his eye. She cringes."Maybe a little, I don't know," she sighs in exhaustion. She doesn't want to tell him it's not fully working. What a fucking nightmare. She needs to go back to the basics:
build resistance, stay until you find a way to leave,
she thinks, like a prayer."I could try making you feel something else," he suggests. "Maybe boredom."It washes over her as he says it. It's still diminished by the power of her anxiety, the two existing at the same time. Jasper picks up on that, surprised."I see. Maybe we both need a break," he releases her mind. "I don't have a lot of practice keeping an emotion at a steady pace like this for longer than an hour."He looks tired too—not his face, of course, but his demeanor. Edward strokes his back softly. Great, she's being an inconvenience, as always. Not even precious Jasper can handle the hell that lives inside of her."It's fascinating, the way you twist things in your head," Edward watches her carefully. "He just needs a moment."She simply stares back, now in complete control of her emotions. It sucks.
Everything
comes back: her hatred, anger, fear, disgust. She looks down at her hands resting on her lap, overwhelmed."That was what he was keeping away the entire time," the bronze-haired demon points out.
I know. I'm the one feeling it, jackass.
She rises from her seat with her food tray in hand and strides to the first trash bin she sees. With a sharp motion, she tosses an untouched sandwich into the bin, drawing looks from a couple of humans around her, then leaves the room.She's outside as fast as she can, locking herself inside her car. She turns on the sound system and a Mazzy Star album echoes through the speakers, one of her favorites. "So Tonight That I Might See" was in the CD player since a couple of weeks prior, when Selena casually put it on. It remained there for whatever reason. When Taylor clicks play, the music picks up right where it had last been paused.
I look in, in your window
To check my head in your pane
My last thoughts say, "Come to me
Why can't you take me in?"
Taylor's head rests agaisnt the seat.
Breathe. She searches for Karlie's voice inside the gym. Finds is immediately. She wishes she could say she doesn't mean to do it, but she does."...she must have mistaken me for someone else.""We didn't even know she was back. But Hayley swore on her life she saw you two shopping together."Oh. They
are
talking about her.Selena likely spread rumors about them to create a plausible explanation for why they were together when the accident happened. They're friends—they
shop
together and everything!Taylor doesn't even shop for herself; her sister is obsessed with fashion and basically acts as the family's personal stylist. Her closet is always full with designer items, clothes she could never afford as a human and probably wouldn't have the guts to buy for herself now, even if she was somehow the one making the decisions.She hasn't technically worked to earn the trust fund Carlisle established for her, and, at first, it felt icky to get over her stubbornness and just accept the money. Over time, she reconciled any guilt about spending it on practical necessities. However, a Chanel bag with her initials on it is far from a necessity."On sunday I went to church service then spent the rest of the day at home. Ask Charlie if you want. I
swear."So Karlie really is religious. That's interesting.
Why is she hanging out with those queer little high school wannabe rebels? She seems like she'd fit better in Joshua Kushner's circle.
The
perfect
popular guy. He is the epitome of prom king; disgustingly put together, always leaving a faint smell of hair gel and Axe body spray in the room. Even his blood isn't particularly appealing to Taylor. But he does goes to church every sunday.
And bullies freshmen on weekdays. Very atractive indeed."Why were you two talking today, then?""We were doing the assignment! And it wasn't friendly. She's so...annoying."Taylor can't help but cackle, drowning out the music in the car. She laughs for a good minute, basking in the temporary joy of getting verbal confirmation that the girl hates her. It's oddly liberating.The baker's kid then tells Karlie people think she's
in with the Cullens
and that makes Taylor chuckle again. She finally opens her eyes and stares at the snowy parking lot, sighing after the laughing fit."I'm tired of being the subject of gossip. Even Leah asked me if I was pregnant yesterday."Leah?
Couldn't be anyone from their year. Taylor doesn't know every human that attends this school by name, but she knows for sure there aren't any juniors here named Leah. The vampire considers Karlie's family dinamic. She knows the chief dates a woman from the Quileute reservation, a nurse who also works with Carlisle.
Is that why she smells different today? Was she around one of the wolves?When Karlie walked in the classroom earlier, Taylor immediately noticed her scent was a little off. The blonde thought she might be getting a cold and even tried to, not so subtly, warn her about it. But if she were around a werewolf that would explain the difference.She feels her anxiety take over her again.
The wolves are dangerous. How is this girl so fucking reckless with her life without even knowing?They change the subject and start talking about the girls' choice dance that is happening this friday. The goth girl even mentions the Kushner boy might ask Karlie to go with him, causing Taylor's hands to clench into fists for a moment before she even realizes. She stretches her fingers, shaking her head at their plans to sneak alcohol into the party.
Oh, for fuck's sake.The bell rings, Taylor gets off the car and stops listening to their conversation.
The chief's daughter getting drunk at prom? Maybe she does fit in with the little wannabe rebels, after all.
-The rest of the morning is uneventful. She keeps thinking of her own previous plan like a mantra, reciting the words until they somehow get absorbed into her brain.
Build resistance, find the strength to leave.
She doesn't make the mistake of searching for the girl's voice again. She thinking of ways to kill time when she's about to leave, but then it seems she won't be able to escape so soon.Karlie calls for her from the parking lot, hair covered in snow, cheeks red, shoulders trembling. Desperate for help.-When Taylor starts the car again, Mazzy Star echoes through the speakers—she hadn't turned off the player before removing the key from the ignition earlier when she left. It seems to startle Karlie a bit, so she lowers the volume in a soft motion. She also cranks up the heater, silently acknowledging Karlie's shaking breath without looking directly at her.She couldn't say no.She didn't even have the time to ask for Jasper's help, she just found herself agreeing (or did she
offer?) to give her a ride today and everyday for the rest of the week.
Well, the goal is to build resistance, isn't it? I need to pull it together. Nothing bad happened earlier and nothing will happen now.The girl is sitting very still; well, considering she's a human who's freezing. Taylor puts her seatbelt on just to try and prompt the girl to do the same, but she seems to be lost in thought."Buckle up, please. Let's not risk getting into another accident."The human scoffs a little."I'm sure you're a very competent driver."Taylor can't help but smile at the girl's ironic tone, despite the lingering anger simmering beneath the surface.
She's still mad.
For yesterday or today? For all of it?
She hates me.
The human's
heart is pounding loudly, like a drum echoing in Taylor's ears."Never heard that one before," the vampire retorts, unable to resist the oportunity to be a little snarky.When Karlie concedes and fastens her seatbelt, Taylor starts leaving the lot as carefully as she can under the circumstances.The air in the car feels stifling, almost suffocating, intensified by Karlie's presence in such close quarters. It's overwhelming, and Taylor senses it's not a good sign. With Jasper absent, there's no assuring this will end well.
No, no, no! Pull it together. It'll be fine.
She holds her breath, focuses on each movement required to keep the car going. It's very hot all over and Mazzy Star keeps playing, building up a dangerous mood inside Taylor's chest. She does everything in her power to ignore it.
She's my baby
She belongs to me
But yesterday she walked home all alone
Jesus. She considers turning the radio on instead, but then Karlie says:"I love this CD," she says and then mutters some of the lyrics. "I even tried to learn how to play "Fade Into You" but failed miserably."Why is she telling me this? Why is she being friendly?
Her heart is still racing, and the vampire feels a twinge of worry.
What if she has a stroke or something? I know she's young and that's unlikely, but it can't be healthy for her to stay this angry for so long."What instrument do you play?" Taylor asks mostly to distract herself from what she's feeling."Oh, I can't play anything," she chuckles a little. "I
tried
playing it on guitar but it was so frustrating I gave up."A long moment of silence stretches out. Taylor finds herself momentarily lost, so she breathes in. Her chest aches from the warmth of Karlie's presence. No longer shaking, the girl's breathing steadies, and Taylor wants so much to
feel
it, to take the girl's air into her lungs. She wants to lean over and-"Do you play any instruments?" The human asks suddenly.She struggles to keep her voice in an even tone."Uh, yes," she answers truthfully.Not even her family knows about this, but Taylor was technically a musician during her brief years as a human girl. Perharps not even Edward knows; she never explicitly thought about it.At 12, she taught herself how to play the guitar, finding the instrument in a pile of unwanted donations and practicing by mimicking videos on TV. The thing was missing one of the strings, had a hole in the bottom and smelled like cigars. Around that same time, she was almost adopted by a wealthy couple who lived in Easttown. They had fixed her guitar, given her a stack of sheet music and a bunch of other gifts, but ultimately decided they wanted a younger child and took home one of the toddlers instead.She really was persistent about playing it, especially after what had happened, and most of her peers hated how much noise she made. She later learned how to play the piano as well, with the help of her english teacher, who let her sneak into the school's music room whenever she wanted.As time went on, she found herself marrying words with melodies inside her head. Crafting rhymes and conveying emotions through wordplay, she built storylines and entire worlds in her songs. Writing became the one thing that made her happy; she found refuge in pouring out her heart and turning into something real, something that existed beyond herself. She wrote about everything: from mundane moments of everyday life to the sting of unrequited love, her hopes and fears, her perspective on life.That was back when she had a future—or the faint perspective of one. She hasn't played or written anything ever since she was turned. She doesn't feel like she can. It's as if that version of herself simply does not exist anymore. Not even the memory of her feels real, it all became muddy through the eyes of immortality."Really? Which one?""Acoustic guitar and piano, I guess."As the human considers her words, Taylor attempts to push aside the realization that she's confiding in Karlie things she's never shared with anyone else, knowing all too well being vulnerable like this could be very dangerous for her."How did you learn?""Mostly by myself,"
I need to find a way to change the subject.
"You shouldn't give up after one try. It's not something you learn in a day.""I don't think it's my thing, either way," the human simply says.Silence ensues and Taylor holds back a sigh of relief."Where are you from?" Karlie asks, insisting on talking.
Jesus, she's pushy now, isn't she?
"Pennsylvania."The human then starts bombarding her with questions, her tone quite urgent. Taylor is not quite sure why the conversation changes so quickly, she just tries to keep up."Why did you come here?""Because my family came here.""Where did you live before?""Alaska.""And before that?""Pennsylvania.""That was when you were adopted?""Yes."Karlie is silent after the back and forth. Taylor wonders what the human could possibly do with this useless information about the places she had lived in. It was all technically true and very plausible; most humans here knew the Cullens came from Alaska and the kids were adopted."Is that all?" Taylor asks, slightly amused.Karlie is relentless. Their time together is coming to an end—only a few more blocks and they would finally arrive at the taller girl's house. She doesn't even ask how Taylor knew the way and the vampire doesn't need to read her mind to see Karlie's intent on centering the conversation on anything but herself."No. Where did you go last week?"Taylor remains outwardly composed but acknowledges they are charting into dangerous territory once again."Alaska, to visit our cousins," technically true as well."You can just
leave
like that, whenever you want?"She can't resist stealing a glance at the human now. The anger in her voice is way too inviting. She looks flushed and restless, and doesn't meet the blonde's gaze."Are you interviewing me or
questioning
me?" Taylor inquires with a raised brow.Karlie takes a moment to think before responding, her demeanor now tinged with hesitation. She looks small, as if she's folding into herself.
Am I scaring her?
Her heart is still going crazy."I guess both," she says in a leveled tone.Taylor bites her lower lip, trying to hide her surprised expression."Why, may I ask?""Didn't you do the same to me earlier?" she retorts, sitting up straight, shoulders pulled back in an display of confidence.So she felt vulnerable and now wants Taylor to feel the same as well.
There's no need for all this effort. I am completely exposed, like an open wound, gushing information just to keep you interested."Not at all. It was not my intention to
intrude."
Well...
"What was your intention?" Karlie asks defiantly, as Taylor finally halts the car in front of her house.Staying still only worsens her yearning. She turns her head to fully look at the girl, and finds Karlie's eyes already fixed on her. They're such a vivid green, brimming with emotion, overflowing with something Taylor can't explain—something akin to curiosity but a lot more intense.
She isn't feeling anything, this is all in your head.
She turns off the car, the music and the heater stop at the same time."I was just making conversation," it's her turn to sound faint and small; her voice is swallowed up by the white noise now filling the vehicle."Why did you offer to take me home?" Karlie asks, her voice somehow steady despite her nervousness.
Where are we getting at? What do you want me to say?
"Just to be nice," she responds. The sentence comes out in a very high-pitched tone, almost reminiscent of a child's."Oh, you're really nice, aren't you?" Karlie says, viciously.
Jesus, she just gets better and better.Taylor shrugs with a half smile.
You're right, kid. You're right to doubt me. In fact, you should not have accepted anything from me. I'm willing to play with your life like it's a toy. I may fear breaking you, but I can't keep away. What would you say if I told you I dream about sucking every drop of blood from you, savoring that delicious flush from your cheeks in less than a minute?Karlie scoffs, shaking her head."I'm not sure what I'm being accused of here," Taylor plays dumb, she can't help it. As a vampire, her instinct is to manipulate."Well, forgive me if I can't trust a word you say," the younger girl looks away, flushing.It hurts, hearing that from her. Karlie's absolutely right to feel that way but the vampire's heart still aches. The anger she feels makes her cruel and snappy, so she says:"Why can't you just be
thankful, and get over it?"Karlie grimaces, the pain evident in her expression. She averts her gaze momentarily before locking eyes with Taylor once more, searching for something the blonde doesn't know."You still owe me an explanation," the girl's heart is beating so fast it's distracting."I don't owe you
anything," her sharp tone hurts her own ears."Then why are you here? What do you
want
from me?" Karlie's eyes start to water.
That's a big question, isn't it?
"I don't know," she murmurs, just accepting she can't think of a convincing lie when it comes to this. Even if she attempted to fabricate one, it wouldn't hold up, especially given Karlie's evident skepticism toward everything she says. As a couple of tears trickle down the girl's cheeks, Taylor feels her anger dissipate, replaced by a wave of worry and regret.The girls sniffs and cleans her face with her hands, opening the passenger's door. Taylor wants to apologize but doesn't know how to, nor thinks Karlie would accept it. The cold wind from outside hits the human's hair and her lips tremble.
What am I doing to this poor girl?"You don't have to do anything you don't want, Karlie," is what she manages to say.Another gush of wind enters the vehicle and Taylor confirms her theory from before: Karlie has been hanging out with one of the wolves, maybe even more than one. The scent is unmistakable.
Should I..."I know," the girl gets off the Volvo, and stops for a moment near the sidewalk. "Don't be late tomorrow."Taylor can't see her eyes. Karlie closes the door and walks away, entering her home without saying another word. The vampire turns the car back on and leaves before she can convince herself to linger.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
When she gets home from school, she locks herself in her room and cries. She has never felt so vulnerable, so exposed to someone like this before. There's a huge pit in her stomach—she can't tell if it's from embarassment or just plain fear.
Her desperation and urgency were clear the entire time, and the other girl was barely affected by it. Taylor remained curt and distant, refusing to let her in, even when Karlie thought she was making progress. Maybe her approach was flawed, driven by overwhelming anxiety, but still.
The blonde girl was so deeply guarded. She was mean, Karlie decides and hides her face further into the bed, sobbing agaisnt one of her pillows.It takes a long time for her to compose herself. When the tears finally stop coming, she sits on the bed and watches her silent and now dark room in silence. She has homework to do, hasn't eaten anything in a while, needs a warm shower. So she focuses on getting those things done.There are leftovers in the fridge: it seems Sue had stayed a while and made fried fish, rice and mashed potatoes. Karlie makes sure to fill her plate, eating a full meal for the first time in days. As she makes herself some hot cocoa, she hears Charlie walk inside, hanging his duty belt and putting away his gun.
"Hey," he greets her when he comes in the kitchen, watching her face for a moment. "Everything okay? Sorry for this morning, but I needed to deal with those kids...""It's fine, dad," she grabs her mug and starts leaving the room, not in the mood to talk about anything or anyone. "Remind me to thank Sue later for the food. I'm going to bed, okay?"He doesn't go after her or pressure her into talking, simply saying goodnight. She's really lucky Charlie respects her space. Her mother would never leave her alone like this back home.
She sips her cocoa and does her homework, trying to remain focused on the words in front of her instead of the chaos waiting in her subconscious. When she's finished, she takes a hot shower, slips into comfortable pajamas, and settles into her bed. It's 7 PM.
I hate her so much.
How can someone be so infuriating? What does she want with me? What could she possibly want? I'm not telling anybody anything. I should! Even if it makes me sound insane. But I won't. Is she doing this just to monitor me, make sure I won't tell?
Karlie sighs, preparing herself for yet another sleepless night. She can't ignore the reality that she'll have to endure the girl's presence for a few more days before her truck is fixed. Her mind is a whirlwind of emotions: she feels sadness and anger, as if she might burst into tears at any moment, yet she's also inexplicably excited and so... so...She knows for sure this is the first time she has felt this way.
She wants to explore the feeling further, thinking of Taylor's perfume and how the car was filled with it; her mischievous expression, her smart, full lips, and how she bit into the lower one when Karlie said something that seemed to surprise her. The taller girl wants to do that again, to make her eyes glint with emotion, even if it's anger or annoyance.Her right hand is resting on her stomach and she considers the possibility. She knows the anatomy, knows the steps. Technically. Cara said it was easy. But she never experienced the actual thing, never felt tempted to.
She tries not to overthink it.
Her fingers glide upward, coaxing her shirt higher, exposing her chest. The sensation intensifies. She recalls the moment of the lip bite, delicately circling her nipples with her index finger and thumb. She exhales. It feels good; a new, exciting pressure building in all the right places.She stops for a moment, turning on her left side and closing her legs—they had involuntarily opened. Her breath comes in rapid, shallow gasps, as if she had been running. What am I doing? She feels herself blush, embarrassed.She lays down on her stomach, her mouth half open. She pushes a pillow in between her legs despite her own little voice telling her not to, that's a sin, it's a double sin considering who's she's thinking about, plus it's so mortifying, how could she do this!Her hips move agaisnt the pillow once and she gasps, the sound muffled by the fabric of her bedding. She thinks of Taylor's hands on the steering wheel, the shape of her fingers. She grinds down again, then a third time.She moves quicker, chasing the feeling, completely focused on reaching her release. It doesn't take her too long; the memory of Taylor's eyes is what takes her over the edge. She comes for the first time, shuddering helplessly on the bed, biting her hand to keep herself from making any noise.When her high subsides, she kicks the pillow away from her legs and hides her face in her hands. No tears come this time, but she feels herself grimace, trying to understand the motivations for what she just did.
Does this mean I'm...? Do I really want her to...?
She had kissed boys before. It wasn't unpleasant, but it never lived up to her expectations. She had also kissed Cara and always regarded it as the best kiss she ever had—though she attributed that to her friend's experience and skill. It wasn't serious; they were just fooling around.It's undeniable that Taylor is one of the most attractive people Karlie has ever seen. It's also clear that Karlie is drawn to her in many ways, most of which she can't even fully comprehend. Anyone with eyes would think she's attrative. I bet most people wouldn't deny hooking up with her, if they had the chance. Even women. That doesn't make me a lesbian, does it?That word makes her feel very weird, and very scared. She doesn't even think she can say it out loud. And hooking up with Taylor isn't even a possibility. It is a fantasy, existing exclusively inside her head. That can't be good.Karlie gets off her bed and turns on the bedside lamp. She rummages through her backpack next to her bed, searching for her cellphone. It takes a while, but she finally finds it and then finds the charger, plugging it in. She paces around the room, thinking.I shouldn't just say stuff without even knowing what I'm talking about. Maybe I need to have sex with a boy or something, get that over with already. I can't say I don't like them when I've never been with one. Could that feel good? It just seems so disgusting in her head, almost alien in a way. Losing her virginity is something she has never given much thought to.Wait, let me think of someone specific. A boy I like. She can't come up with anyone from school or back home. Someone famous, then. Leonardo Dicaprio. He's gorgeous! I always thought so. So handsome as Romeo, I love that movie. He has blonde hair too, so it's a good comparison.
She remembers Leo's portrayal of Romeo in the pool scene from the 1996 adaptation, eyes full of desire for Juliet. What if he was looking at me? There isn't a lot she can work with in her mind. No, I've never seen him in person, it's not fair. I need to rent the movie, I'm a visual person...Her phone's batery is nowhere near being full but she can't wait, too restless. She unplugs it from the charger and calls Lorde, anxiously biting her nails."So your cellphone does work," her friend says when she picks up, in a slightly stressed tone."Do you have the DVD for Romeo and Juliet? The Leo Dicaprio one," is what she ends up saying. It's not the reason why she's calling at all."Of course not.""Do you have anything with Dicaprio in it?""I think my mother still has the Titanic double VHS.""Could I come over and watch?""What, now?""Yes. I-if that's okay. We could hang out," Karlie suggests, trying to sound casual.
"How are you going to sneak out?""I have no idea.""I mean, you'd have to sneak in here too. I don't think mom would be too happy to know I'm hanging out with you instead of helping Lisa walk ten steps from her bed to the bathroom.""Is she really that bad?""She's being dramatic," Karlie can feel Lorde rolling her eyes over the phone. "Why do you wanna watch that movie anyway?""I'll be there in twenty.""Karlie, what the f-"
She hangs up, mentally preparing herself to face the cold weather outside again. Lorde's house isn't as far as the school, so the walk will be quicker this time. She puts on her warmest coat, layers a pair of leggings under her jeans, wraps a scarf around her neck and tops it off with an ugly beanie she had gotten from Charlie. After arranging her pillows to resemble a human shape on the bed, she tucks her phone inside her coat and turns off the bedside lamp.Karlie quietly opens her bedroom door, straining to listen for any signs of Charlie. All of her shoes are downstairs, and going barefoot is not an option. She'll have to sneak out through the front door. Thankfully, her father is in the bathroom and she can hear the shower running. She closes her room softly and tiptoes down the stairs. After slipping on her boots, she exits the house and starts moving as fast as she can through the snowy streets.
-Sneaking into Lorde's house proves to be even more tricky. She calls her friend's cell to alert her of her arrival and then proceeds to climb through a window into the basement/laundry room where the VHS player is located. Inside, there's a dusty couch, a tiny TV, stacks of boxes all around and a washer and dryer in the corner. There's a humming coming from somewhere in the room, probably a heater, and the sound masks Karlie's efforts as she nearly injures herself squeezing through the tiny window."Mom's already asleep but Lisa might call for me," Lorde greats her, wearing shorts and a shirt stamped with the poster of some horror movie the taller girl doesn't recognize.Karlie nods, breathing heavily. It's warm in the room so she removes her coat, scarf and beanie, sitting on the old couch next to her friend. Lorde watches her, confused."What's up, Karlie? What's going on? You can't possibly be here just to watch Titanic," she says, tone laced with curiosity.
Karlie remembers she had sworn to herself she wouldn't confide her feelings to anyone else after what happened with Leah. Well, I don't have to mention Taylor this time. It isn't all about her.
"I'm going a bit crazy, you know? With everything that's been going on. I just need to unwind, I think," Karlie admitted."Okay..." Lorde seems confused."Do you have some pot or something?" she goes straight to the point; Lorde looks taken aback.
"Karlie, shut the fuck up. You've never smoked in your life.""I know, I know! But it might help," She insists. Karlie's not actively trying to be reckless or anything, but she feels unstable. Lorde frowns.
"I don't think that's the best idea. Why are you so anxious?""I've just been feeling...weird," she replies vaguely."Weird how?"She doesn't respond, looking straight ahead at her reflection on the TV. There's a pile of old VHS tapes next to it. She gets up and starts going through the selection of titles."Let's watch the movie," she attempts to change the subject."You can't be serious," Lorde exclaims, letting out a genuine chuckle before pausing to consider Karlie's behavior. "Is this about Taylor Cullen?"
How can she see right through me already?
"What? No!" Karlie denies hastly. Lorde raises an eyebrow."No? Then what is it?""It's not about anything in particular, I just wanted to hang out," she cowards. Lorde rises from her seat and stands by her side as she searches for the tapes."Fine, let me find it," The brunette says, rolling her eyes. It takes her a few minutes, but she eventually locates the first Titanic VHS. She inserts it into the player and then heads upstairs to grab some snacks. When the film begins, the girls settle in on the couch, eating some potato chips and sharing a chocolate bar.They watch the movie in silence. As the scene where Jack saves Rose unfolds, Karlie can't help but draw a parallel to her own life, remembering Taylor's cold hand on her cheek and how worried she sounded. Stop. Pay attention.Leo looks good, but not as good as she remembers. There's something about him that's missing, though she can't quite pinpoint what it is. The scene continues and the character puts a cigarette between his lips, as charming as ever."He's really hot, isn't he?" She tries to sound casual."Sure, if you like the whole twink look," her friend jokes."Twink?""Yeah, it's like a skinny, little, delicate man," Lorde comments and Karlie laughs. She can see where she's coming from. Leo does looks tiny next to the other male characters on screen."So you're not attracted to him at all?" She asks the brunette."Not really," she shakes her head."How do you know?""What do you mean?""How can you tell you're not attracted to him?""How can you tell you're not attracted to Josh Kushner?" Lorde retorts.
"Okay, okay," she has a point.A few more moments of silence pass as Karlie thinks about Lorde's words. But not being attracted to one guy doesn't mean I'm not attracted to every single one of them. She keeps watching the actor on screen, trying to feel something. When the scene of Jack dining with Rose's family begins, she focuses intently, as if she might be tested on it later at school. He looks really good with his hair pulled back. I mean, I can say that, objectively. She feels nothing special, like she could think that of anyone—if Derek showed up looking cool with his hair pulled back she'd think the exact same thing. God, what is wrong with me?
She sighs, and rests her head on the couch, looking up at the ceeling. She can feel Lorde's eyes on her."Stop it," she says without looking back at her.The brunette throws her the last piece of chocolate left in the wrapper, it lands on her lap with a funny sound.
"Eat that," she says in a amused tone. Karlie sighs, doing what she's told. "You're seriously freaking me out.""You freak me out everyday," Karlie jokes, trying to ignore the tension in the air.Silence ensues and they go back to paying attention to the movie. Karlie doesn't force herself to only watch Leo anymore and it feels good, like she can finally enjoy the story. When the first tape ends, she gets up to put on the second."No, no, no. I'm not going through any more of this torture," her friend goes after her and snatches the tape from her hand.
"But it's a classic!"Karlie attempts to retrieve it, starting a playful scuffle between them until her friend tosses it onto the couch and plops down on top of it."Karlie, we're not doing anything else until you tell me what's going on," she crosses her arms.The taller girl sighs, unable to do anything but cringe.
"I should go then," she makes a move for the window but the brunette interrupts her."No, wait. Sit down," she pats down on the couch. "C'mon."Karlie stops in her tracks. Okay, I need to play this the right way. Do not mention Taylor at all. No one can know the specifics. Leah's reaction was enough already. She glances at Lorde, who is watching her with a patient and concerned expression. Maybe her friend can help her figure out her emotions in a more general sense. She sits down on the couch, praying this might bring her some clarity instead of getting her stuck with yet another promise she has proven to be incapable to keep."How about I try to guess and you either nod or shake your head," she suggests with a soft tone.
Karlie's face contorts with a mix of frustration and uncertainty. She doesn't reply but her friend continues:"Is this about Derek? Or fucking prom?"She sighs in resignation and gives Lorde a slight shake of her head. Please don't mention her."Did your father do something?""No.""Your mother then. Another ultimatum? You're staying in Forks forever. She won't come back for you."Karlie scoffs, raising her brows in irony."Then, how the hell am I supposed to believe this is not about Taylor Cullen?"
For the love of God!
"It's not about her," she says, faking a serious expression.
"Okay, then, what?" Lorde bites her nails, furrowing her brows. "Oh, is it about me?"
Okay, let's work with that.
"I guess... I-I have some questions I can't ask anyone else.""Anyone but me?""...Yes."Lorde shifts in her seat, curiosity sparking."Shoot, then.""How... Do you..." Karlie finds herself unable to vocalize the words that matter most, leaving the conversation hanging in a frustrating limbo. Lorde watches her struggle."You were asking before about how I knew I wasn't attracted to men..."She nods, relieved that the brunette is comfortable moving the subject forward."You just know. Attraction is very clear, so it makes easier to spot what isn't. Like, it's not about tasting a flavor of ice cream and deciding you don't like it. It's just about not even considering ice cream as an option. That's how I see it.""But how can you be sure without trying?""Maybe using ice cream as an analogy wasn't a good idea. I know I'm not attracted to men because they disgust me."That's direct. Karlie looks down at her hands, really thinking about every romantic interaction she has ever had. She knows she doesn't feel that strongly about it. The thing is she also doesn't feel strongly in a good way. Passionate, or something. She's supposed to feel passionate or thrilled at the idea, right?"Do you think you might feel that way, too?" Lorde asks gently, tilting her head."Maybe not disgusted," she says, looking away."Indifferent?""Like, I just don't see them. And when they come near it's annoying," she sighs. It's like dealing with a spoiled child, always making sure they won't throw a fit at you."What about other...people?"Well, there are other people with whom she has experienced a whole kaleidoscope of emotions, good and bad. All of it very, very intensely. She can't lie about that, and she does a terrible job at hidding it. She's lucky people don't pay too much attention or just presume something else."Not so much," she murmurs, blushing."Huh," her friend watches her with soft eyes."What?"Lorde pauses for a moment, seeming to decide whether or not to speak. Then, she does:"Karlie, I know. It's written on your face. I wish you could see yourself when we talk about her.""Oh my fucking God," she gets up from the couch again and starts putting on her coat, getting ready to leave, angry at herself for being so open. She'll always circle back to Taylor. She's obsessed with her too. I shouldn't have come here.
"Wait, c'mon!" Lorde exclaims, frustrated."You don't know anything," Karlie can feel her eyes filling up with tears so she simply opens the window and climbs through before her friend can keep up."Karlie!"-Charlie doesn't catch her when she returns. And she doesn't even try to be silent when she goes up the stairs; he must be in a deep sleep. She brushes her teeth in the bathroom before changing into the first pair of sweats and a t-shirt she can find (ignoring the pajamas she had been wearing before) then slips beneath the covers of her bed. The room feels strange, a little too warm, and she feels a wave of embarrassment wash over, as if the four walls surrounding her had eyes and ears."Ugh, get over it!" She groans in frustration.
She ends up going downstairs and sleeping on the couch.-Karlie wakes up to the worst possible scenario imaginable, a moment that should be considered the most dreadful event to ever happen in the history of the world.
Her father is at the front door, warmly welcoming a tall blonde girl into their home. Meanwhile, Karlie's sprawled out on the couch, feeling and looking like the fucking Grinch, disheveled and unprepared for the situation happening before her eyes. Panic surges through her as she scrambles to collect herself, getting up and passing by them without a word, taking quick steps upstairs.She can hear Charlie chuckling as she closes the door of her room.
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.
Karlie kicks the air in a fit of anger, blushing profusely. She glances at the clock on her bedside table and realizes she should be leaving in ten minutes. Taylor's early, like Karlie had asked her the day before.
Wait! No. We never agreed she would pick me up! We agreed she would give me a ride back! I asked her not to be late to...why did I do that?
A groan escapes her lips as she quickly changes into the first decent outfit she lays eyes on. Rushing through her morning routine, she brushes her teeth and washes her face as fast as humanly possible. Her hair is a tangled mess; she aggressively tries to fix it, then tosses the brush aside in a fit of annoyance. It clatters as it hits the ground and the sound echoes loudly, probably audible from downstairs. She stops in her tracks and closes her eyes. Calm down.Taking a deep breath, she moves towards her bedroom at a normal pace, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Without pausing, she grabs her backpack and puts on socks and the boots from the night before, deliberately avoiding her reflection in the mirror.
"...Oh, trust me. You have nothing to worry about," Karlie hears Charlie's voice as she walks down the stairs. She takes small steps, listening. "Sam's a good kid. He's dating Sue's daughter. You know Sue, right? She works with your father at the hospital. Wait, actually, they might have broken up. I can't keep up with these kids..."
Charlie, you chatterbox.
"They really scared me that day, it was so sudden. I must say maybe they're not the best company for Karlie to-""For Karlie to do what?" she asks in an annoyed tone, interrupting their conversation.
She knows she shouldn't be surprised by her feelings, but her heart still leaps uncontrollably when Taylor's eyes meet hers. It's as if her body is proving that Leo or anyone else could never compare, even in the most far-fetched scenario she could imagine. Nothing could ever compare.Taylor looks chic, standing in Karlie's tiny little living room like a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit. The taller girl could have cropped her right out of the latest winter cover of Vogue magazine.
She's wearing a knee-length leather coat, the coolest thing Karlie has probably ever seen in her life, paired with high-waisted jeans and a cozy white sweater. She has small golden hoops in her ears and is also wearing the same ring from the day before on her index finger. Her hair is completely out of her face, which catches Karlie by surprise. She had straightened it, pulled her bangs back. This is also the first time Karlie sees Taylor wearing make-up: her lips are perfectly filled with red lipstick.
The sight of her is truly something else. Karlie feels herself blush in surprise and embarrassment, feeling an instinctive hesitance to get too close.
"There you are! You guys are going to be late," Charlie pats her on the shoulder. "Why did you sleep down here? I thought you were getting ready in your room until I came to answer the door-""I wanted to watch some TV," they both glance at the blanket she had left on the couch, then at the TV—which was off. Taylor looks slightly confused. "What are you doing here?""You said to come early," she says innocently."I didn't mean-""You have a really nice friend, there, Karls," Charlie points at the blonde with a half smile, making his way to the door. "I should get to the station, you two be careful on the road today!"It seems he was only expecting Karlie to come down the stairs so he could leave. She watches as he says goodbye and closes the door in a hurry, then shifts her focus back to the blonde, crossing her arms around her chest."That was not what we agreed," she points out.
"I thought you didn't want to be late," The blonde speaks softly as she walks past Karlie, leaving behind a lingering trace of her sweet perfume, intoxicating the taller girl. Karlie doesn't move, so Taylor stops next to the door and looks back with raised brows.Karlie follows her out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
It takes all of Karlie's strength to sit quietly in the passenger seat, resisting the urge to glance over and speak to the blonde as she deeply inhales the scent of her perfume. She timidly watches Taylor's hands on the steering wheel for a moment too long, and her mind is flooded with memories of the previous night.
You're such a creep.If only she hadn't made that...mistake, she wouldn't have ended up sleeping on the couch, and Taylor wouldn't have seen her like that. Karlie's mind is completely filled with anxiety as the blonde girl drives in silence.
If I hadn't told her to not be late, she wouldn't have come to pick me up. I don't even know why I said that! I was upset! Now she must think I'm expecting her to be my personal driver. I'm sure she's only doing this so I' won't tell anyone about the almost-accident. If this gets to Leah, I'm screwed. Charlie wouldn't tell Sue, would he? He was chatting with Taylor in the living room like a damn old lady...She
definitely
needs to speak to Charlie after school and make sure he keeps his gossipy mouth shut. She also has to figure out how to get out of Taylor Cullen's car in the school parking lot without anyone noticing. And most of all, she needs to stop herself from having these troubling thoughts about the other girl, the same thoughts that led her to making...the mistake.I didn't even get to shower... I need to shower immediately when I get home.
She didn't feel exactly dirty but her body itched with unease.
Also wash the bedding. And my clothes. Maybe I should just deep clean my room. Drink some bleach while at it.For now, there are more pressing issues at hand besides her urge to escape her own skin. They are approaching the school, and Karlie can't bear the thought of people seeing her get out of this shiny Volvo with Taylor Cullen, and the inevitable wave of gossip that will follow. She had planned to stay silent for the entire ride, but she knows she can't be anything but honest with the other girl."Can you drop me off on this block? I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but you know what people would say," Karlie sighs, battling the weight on her chest that makes her want to stay inside and ask Taylor to drive somewhere else so they could simply be together a while longer."Mmm. What
would
they say?" She doesn't look over to see Taylor's reaction, but her voice sounds angry—curt, like the day before."Oh, it wouldn't be anything bad. I'm just tired of people talking about me, you know," as she finishes her sentence, Taylor skillfully parallel parks next to a couple of buildings before the end of the block leading to their school's parking lot. There aren't too many people around."I knew you were a good driver," Karlie can't help but remark. She glances over at Taylor, who isn't looking back at her. Her side profile could be a painting, perfectly symmetrical, her pale skin contrasting beautifully with the red lips and pink cheeks. Up close, Karlie can see Taylor's entire face without the bangs covering her forehead, and the urge to touch her is so overwhelming Karlie swallows hard and presses her hands agaisnt her thighs. "You don't have to take me home later, by the way. Since you already brought me-""Will your father pick you up?" She asks in a monotone."I... I can make it back on my own just fine," that's the last thing she wants but she needs to at least think she has enough self-control to get out of this situation."Karlie," Taylor locks eyes with her as she says her name. The taller girl glances at her lips, then back to her grey stare, committing every perfect detail of her face to memory, fearing she might disappear for some reason. "I can't...
You can't
walk back all this way. And your house is on my way home."She doesn't sound angry anymore; her tone has a warmth that wasn't there before. Her face remains mostly expressionless, but her clear eyes shimmer with vunerability."Just... I'll be waiting for you here after class. Okay?"She waits for Karlie's answer, and the taller girl simply nods, unable to say no when Taylor looks this sincere.
So different from yesterday.
The blonde nods once too, in agreement, looking back towards the street. Karlie gets off the car and walks to the school in quick steps, the red lips saying her name playing like a record on repeat inside her mind.-The day drags on, mostly filled with boredom whenever she's not overthinking. She focuses on her classes, very aware of her current neglect in that department. The last thing she needs is a sudden drop in her grades, drawing more of parents' attention to her. If that happens, Charlie will call her mother again, she'll freak out, then try to be a helicopter parent from all the way across the country, only to inevitably fail after a couple of days. Karlie doesn't want her to worry; she doesn't want anyone to worry.People at school remain curious about what had happened on monday, which is natural given that only a couple of days had passed. She spends the entire morning avoiding stares and awkward conversations, knowing this is going to last for a little while. Hopefully after prom people will probably find something else to talk about.When it's time for lunch, she meets up with her friends in line at the cafeteria. Lorde immediately avoids direct eye contact when she sees her. Karlie sighs, still mad at herself for opening up to her the night before. Derek quickly picks up on the shift in mood between the two girls, glancing between them with concern."What's going on? Tell me or I will find out somehow," he threatens jokingly."She came over last night and we fought," Lorde is honest, which doesn't surprise Karlie. Lying would have made things worse. "I don't even remember how it started, so let's move on, okay?"Karlie knows that staying in a fight with her won't help anyone. Again, it was all her fault. Maybe gossiping runs in the family, because why did she have to talk to not one, but two people about her crazy thoughts?"Just forget all of it, and it's all good by me," is what she says.Lorde grimaces but then nods when she sees Karlie won't budge."You're not going to tell me what the argument was about, will you?" Derek asks, curious."No," they say at the same time.He sighs in defeat."Fine, then. But I need you two to get over it, today is already going to be stressful enough.""What's today?" Karlie asks, wondering if there was some assignment due that she had forgotten about."Are you sure they checked your head in the hospital?" Lorde jokes, back to her usual dry-humored self."We're going shopping for dresses, remember?""No, wait! That can't be today," her eyes instinctively search for the Cullens' table, but Taylor isn't there with the other members of her family. That doesn't go unnoticed by Lorde, who follows her stare. She stays silent even though Karlie knows she's dying to say something."I already borrowed my dad's car," Derek says, slightly annoyed. "We talked about this yesterday.""I know, I know," she sighs.
The dance is in two days, I can't postpone it.
Somehow, she had completely forgotten that they had agreed to go shopping today after school; for all she knows, she might even have been the one who suggested the idea. Her mind has been all over the place.I need to tell Taylor I won't need her to drive me back.
Why does her stomach drop at the thought of saying that to her? Karlie glances toward the Cullen family's table again, trying not to turn her head completely so Lorde won't notice.Before they find a table to eat, someone taps her on the shoulder. She jumps a little, not expecting it. Karlie finds Josh Kushner standing behind her, chuckling at her reaction. They greet each other, and her friends give them some space, watching the interaction with ironic little smiles on their faces.
Oh, no."I was wondering if you might want to be my date on friday," he's direct and a little too confident. Most girls here would probably swoon over this—he's tall and attractive enough—but the last thing she wants is to say yes."I thought it was girl's choice," she says, trying not to cringe."It is but, you know," he scratches his neck apologetically. His puppy-like eyes and smile don't make Karlie feel anything, and the anxiety from earlier comes rushing back.
That doesn't mean anything."I'm going with Derek," she says, pointing to her friend behind her. Derek waves at Josh, holding back his laughter. "Thanks, though."He seems slightly shocked by her response."Don't you think having an
actual
date would be better?" He asks, clearly hurt by her rejection."He is my
actual date. Sorry, dude," she turns away from him before he can protest and goes back to her friends, hearing him mutter the word "bitch" under his breath as she walks away."What an asshole," you tell your friends once you're far enough from him. They laugh in short bursts, Lorde's eyes even tearing up a little."That was amazing to watch," she says.Derek holds her waist and kisses her cheek, aware that the other boy is still watching them. Karlie is too preoccupied with her own internal turmoil to find the situation funny. She resumes her search for a specific head of blonde hair among the students. The girl is nowhere to be seen.As the three of them settle down to eat, Karlie strategically positions herself to face the Cullen's table, eagerly anticipating Taylor's arrival.
You creep.
She tries to engage in the conversation as much as she can so her friends won't notice her mind is somewhere else. They mostly make fun of Josh, dissecting his reaction to her rejection. Minutes tick by, but Taylor never shows up. Karlie wants to hit her face agaisnt a wall.
Where is she? What am I going to do, ditch her?The last of her school hours pass and Karlie doesn't see Taylor in any of her classes. She's freaking out a little at the thought of the other girl waiting for her, not knowing she's not coming. To make things worse, Derek intercepts her in the hallway after her last class, when she was about to go actively search for the other girl. He hooks his arm with hers, guiding her to the parking lot while chatting about something Karlie isn't paying attention to.
I can't leave him now. He'll ask why.
She can't think of an excuse.Suddenly, they're all in the car and Karlie's heart is pounding with anger at herself. As Derek starts driving, she feels paralyzed, unable to say anything.
Think of something!
She can't see the black Volvo anywhere and wonders if Taylor is already waiting at the spot they said they would meet.
This is probably the meanest thing I've ever done.Part of her wonders if she subconsciously wanted this to happen, perhaps to gain the upper hand and make the girl suffer a little. It's so unlike her, and the lump in her throat is the answer to her own question.
No. I'm just freaking out.
I can't let anyone know about this.
Taylor surely doesn't want that either, she's clearly making an effort to conceal whatever she did on Monday.What does that mean for me, then? Should I really be concerned here?
Leah seemed genuinely worried when she warned her. The idea that the Quileutes thought of Taylor's family as dangerous is unsettling enough, but considering the way that Karlie saw her
move
and the girl's persuasive abilities, she can't help but wonder what else Taylor might be capable of. Leah's request was to avoid being alone with her. What does she think Taylor might do?I tried to get information out of her and ended up with nothing.
The blonde won't admit to anything and there isn't much Karlie can work with. The whole speed thing is shocking enough. She couldn't possibly make that accusation outright. What would that make her? Superwoman?
Superwoman isn't dangerous.
"What's up with you?" Derek pokes the side of her waist from the driver's seat. They've been driving for a while and she's been mostly silent, feeling awful about she had done."Just worried I won't find anything that'll fit me," she lies."Karlie, you're built like a model."The comment gets Karlie talking about how most dresses are too short for her, which leads to a discussion about fashion in general. One topic leads to another, and soon Karlie becomes nonverbal again. The image of Taylor waiting in the car, disappointment in her eyes, is too much for her, making her want to cry.She won't be disappointed, she'll just get angry at me, she reminds herself of how she had been treated the day before and that she doesn't owe Taylor anything, especially after the lies she has told.But thinking like that only makes her feel worse.-Finding a dress in her current melancholic state is stressful, just as Derek had predicted. Nothing fits her like it should. She eventually picks a blue, flowy chiffon dress that won't draw too much attention to herself at the dance. It's the only one that doesn't scratch her skin or exceed her budget. Derek tries to persuade her to choose something more sparkly and revealing, but she doesn't concede. Lorde picks something black, of course, the second dress she tries on, and simply waits as Derek and Karlie finish finding accessories.They're in line to pay and all Karlie can think about is the fact that Taylor had been wearing a blue sweater the day before. She looks at the blue dress on her hands with anger.
What, does she own the color blue now too?They go searching for other stores—Derek is persistent about finding the right shoes for himself. As they're driving through Port Angeles, Karlie spots a record store that has a small Mazzy Star poster in the window. It feels like destiny is making a point to remind her of the blonde by any means necessary. They park by a department store a couple of blocks away. Karlie keeps thinking about the poster as she watches Derek try on seven different pairs of shoes.She reminds herself of her unused CD player and how the only music she brought to Forks was a Linkin Park album that Phil had given her as a present. She couldn't bear to leave it behind and see the sadness in his eyes, even though she hadn't even listened to it. She barely listened to any music besides the usual bubblegum pop Derek played when they hung out. The stupid thing is, she desperately wants to buy the Mazzy Star CD Taylor had been listening to. Just as every shade of blue reminds her of the blonde now, Mazzy Star is hers as well.She tells Derek she's going to the store she had seen, and he warns her about getting lost—it'll be getting dark soon. Lorde had drifted apart from them, gone to get something for her mother. Derek tells Karlie to meet him afterwards at an Italian restaurant just around the corner from the store they're currently at. He still hasn't picked a pair of shoes, torn between three options.Karlie has a little trouble finding the record store, not realizing it was farther away than she had thought. After asking for directions from a nice old lady passing by, she finally gets there. It's a relatively long walk, but the weather in Port Angeles is milder than in Forks. She steps into the store and gets help from the tattooed clerk to find the CD she's looking for. Her mother owned a copy back home, which is how Karlie was first exposed to it; but this new one would be hers alone—she already feels possessive over it, wanting to hold it against her chest like a little girl would hold a teddy bear.When she walks out, the sun has completely set. She keeps thinking about what she had done to the blonde girl, even allowing a few tears to fall against her cheeks.
Stupid, stupid.
Clinging to the CD, she's too focused on her despair to notice her surroundings, thinking she has a general idea of where she should be going. She soon realizes she doesn't recognize the street she's on at all. She stops for a moment, crossing to the other sidewalk and notices that most of the buildings around her are warehouses, and there is no one around.She decides to turn east at the next corner, hoping to find people and open businesses, but instead she's faced with a street lined on both sides by blank, windowless walls. Just as she's about to turn around and go back to her original path, a group of four men surprise her, causing her to stumble back. She looks around and realizes she is completely alone with them. She can see streetlights and traffic two streets down, but it's too far away."Hey, sugar," one of them say as the other three slowly walk around her, blocking her on all sides that lead to the a way out of the dead-end street."We saw you in your little blue dress."Karlie's heart is pounding out of her chest as she realizes what is happening to her. These men must have seen her through the store window and followed her, probably since she left her friends. She had been too lost in her own thoughts to notice her surroundings or the danger she was in. She didn't even have her backpack on her. All she had was her small wallet in her pocket and the plastic bag with the Mazzy Star CD in her hand.Terror had yet to incapacitate her, but she knows it will happen soon. Surrounded by them, she tries desperately to think of a way to escape. When one of them gets close enough to touch her, she screams, overwhelmed with nausea at the thought of what would happen if they laid hands on her."Get away from me!"Before they could do anything else, headlights suddenly appear around the corner, a car driving into the group and narrowly missing the man closest to the road. Karlie seizes the chance to circle around one of them and jumps in front of the car, hoping the driver will see her and help. She doesn't realize it's a Volvo until she sees Taylor emerge from the driver's seat, the headlights casting a halo-like glow around her as she approaches. Karlie struggles to see her face clearly."Get in," Taylor says. Karlie's fear vanishes as soon as she hears her voice. She follows Taylor's instruction, expecting her to join her, but the blonde girl remains outside. Karlie can't hear anything but she can see Taylor is
talking
to the men in front of her, who are watching her in a dazze. She considers getting out of the car to pull the other girl inside, but then the men simply
leave. Taylor gets in the driver's seat, though everything is dark and Karlie can't barely see her.The tires squeal as Taylor swerves forcefully toward the only way out of the street, accelerating too quickly. Karlie clutches her seat with both hands, and Taylor apparently notices because she says:"Put on your seatbelt."Karlie obeys quickly. Her eyes start to adjust to the darkness, and as she turns to face Taylor, she is suddenly stunned by what she sees. At first, she wonders if she's imagining it.Taylor's eyes seem to be hollow, completely black. She can't be certain, but she also notices dark, pulsating veins surrounding them, like tendrils of shadow reaching out. The sight sends a chill down Karlie's spine, and she tries to make sense of it all."Taylor?"
Was this what Leah was warning me about?
She keeps watching her face, but the blonde doesn't answer. Karlie feels fear—but not the same fear she had just experienced with those men surrounding her. It's a different feeling now, she is scared that there is something
wrong
with Taylor. Something so deeply wrong that Karlie could be powerless to help."A-are you okay?" She asks, her voice trembling."No," Taylor says curtly. She suddenly stops the car on a well-lit street, beneath the shadow of a tree on the sidewalk. Karlie can see her more clearly now because of the nearby streetlights, and she wasn't wrong about what she was seeing. Taylor turns off the car and hides her face in her hands.Karlie fights hard to hold back her reaction. They sit in silence for a moment and her mind races with conflicting thoughts. Should she open the door and run for her life? Despite the reality of what she just saw, she doesn't feel unsafe. In fact, she felt completely
protected
as soon as the blonde came to her rescue."What's wrong?" She asks in a soft, worried tone.Taylor doesn't answer, sitting completely still."I'm not scared," Karlie feels is the right thing to say, trying to make herself believe that whatever is happening won't make her run away, even if her most basic instincts are urging her to do so."Distract me, please," the blonde begs in a stifled tone."What?""Just talk about something unimportant until I calm down.""I—I..." She tries to think of something trivial. "I watched
Titanic
last night. Only the first tape, though. I thought I liked Leo, but I don't think I do anymore. It's strange because I swear I did. And now I don't." Taylor doesn't say anything, still sitting as still as a statue. Karlie breathes in, trying to think of something else."Oh, Josh Kushner invited me to prom this morning. I don't know why he's so fixated on me. Is that presumptuous of me to say? I don't know why he would think I would ever go for him. He's been awful to my friends."Silence ensues again and Karlie takes a deep breath, worried that her efforts aren't working and Taylor could feel worse.
What is she feeling? Is she sick?
She notices she has the plastic bag with the CD on her lap, she somehow managed not to drop it."Remember you were listening to Mazzy Star yesterday? I just bought the CD. I didn't have that one with me here. I wanted to buy some other records but I spent all my money on a dress for the dance. I already regret it.""Why were you alone, Karlie?" Taylor asks after a moment. She seems calmer, her tone more leveled. Karlie's babbling seems to be working."Uh- I'm not. My friends are waiting for me."The blonde sighs slowly and removes her hands from her face, looking at the steering wheel. Her eyes have returned to their usual grey, the color that so often occupied Karlie's thoughts. Karlie holds back a sigh of relief."Better?" She murmurs, tilting her head foward, wanting Taylor to look at her.The blonde girl nods and finally turns to face her. She seems hesitant to see Karlie's expression, but she finds nothing but kind, worried eyes. The way they look at each other is intense in a new way—trusting, intimate. Taylor seems so vulnerable and worried too, perhaps for different reasons, but it makes Karlie want to reach out to touch her cheek and softly tell her she'll be okay.
She just saved me. Again.
She can't be dangerous.
"Let's get you back."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
In less than twenty-four hours, Taylor has ruined everything.
After leaving Karlie's home, she spends the night steeling herself for another day of building resistance. She mantains her plan to actively find ways to be in the girl's presence until she grows tired of it. Overexposure is key, she thinks, her mind desperately latching onto the slightest amount of hope this plan provides. It will surely kill whatever feelings I'm having. People get tired of each other all the time.That's not how the magic works, she also reminds herself, of course. But she doesn't have that many options, does she? And who the hell knows how the magic actually works? Not even Selena does. She doesn't ask for Jasper's help this time, either. I'm going to hell already so why not do it do it thoroughly? Why not invade a space that smells so deeply like her and feels so warm it makes Taylor's head spin with desire?
She tries to project confidence and authority, showing up at Karlie's house in the morning practically unannounced and looking her best. Not exactly her brightest idea. She realizes how confusing it all might seem to anyone else other than herself.
Why look her best? Well, she's weak and can't shake the image of the taller girl crying, so she tries to come up with ways to interact with her without putting her at the far end of the spectrum of danger she imposes. She also doesn't want the girl to be on the offense like the previous day, asking the wrong questions. So she wears designer from head to toe, hoping Karlie will notice and talk about it with her. One of her friends had called her a fashionista when they were talking at the gym. Taylor keeps that in mind.But Karlie doesn't make a comment.
When Mustache Man answers the door and lets Taylor in, she finds the girl sleeping on the couch, lying face down. The room's completely filled with her delicious flowery scent; she looks so peaceful, hair splayed across the cushions, her breathing steady and deep. The sight of her, so vulnerable and inviting, makes Taylor ache with want. She immediately looks away as the noise of her arrival wakes the girl up. Without acknowledging Taylor, Karlie quickly walks upstairs, her cheeks stained crimson with surprise and a hint of anger. Taylor makes sure to keep her ears away from whatever she's doing upstairs, giving her privacy in that, at least.As she hears the chief talk about the weather, Taylor begins to notice that Karlie's scent is different—not like the day before, but not like her usual fragrance either. She silently tries to make sense of it by doing a mental inventory of who might have been in this place recently.Firsty there's her father, the second strongest scent in the house; then two other humans, the first one she recognizes as someone from the hospital—probably the chief's girlfriend. A werewolf has been in the house too, in the kitchen especifically. And then Karlie. That's it.
The chief casually mentions the beach incident with the wolves when Taylor had first moved to Forks. She's about to compel him to not allow Karlie to hang out there too often but the girl interrupts the conversation. And she does smell different. The closer Karlie gets to her, the more she can sense it. She had never been the best in her family at picking up scents, so that's why she doesn't notice it at first. But now that she's paying attention, she can tell that Karlie no longer carries that faint, disgusting wet dog odor she had the day before, which Taylor had initially mistaken for a cold.The thing is, she thinks Karlie smells like sex.She's frightened by the intensity of the feeling that surges in her chest when she realizes. It's a jealousy she has never experienced before, mixed with a strange possessiveness—the same feeling from that revolting little dream she had about killing the girl. She pushes it all to the back of her mind, trying her best to look and act normal around the two humans facing her.However, Taylor can't help but inhale deeply, trying to sense the smell of whoever touched Karlie. She can't fully pick anything up. The girl smells like herself, some perfume she put on, the slightest hint of arousal and maybe...another human that hasn't been in the house? I need to get closer to her."Why did you sleep down here?" The chief asks. "I thought you were getting ready in your room until I came to answer the door-"
"I wanted to watch some TV," Karlie answers, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.She's lying. Taylor looks at the couch, knowing whatever happened didn't happen there. Why didn't she sleep at her own bed, then? It's all so confusing.The taller girl points out that they hadn't agreed that Taylor would be picking her up this morning but the vampire doesn't care that Karlie's upset about her showing up without a "formal" invitation. She rushes out so she can be alone in the car with her—something that, ironically, she had dreaded all night—to try to understand who the hell...
She breathes in again when they're inside and Karlie is sitting next to her. She's seething with anger, practically seeing red now. Karlie does smell like another human. It's hard to tell, so maybe they haven't touched each other...
Stop it, why do you care? You shouldn't be paying attention to this. You're being way too invasive. She can do whatever she wants, have sex with whoever she wants.
Taylor gets even angrier when Karlie flat-out tells her she doesn't want to be seen with her. She tries to brush it off, feeling utterly pathetic. I just need to get through this before I drive this car into a pole.
Karlie then lies to her face, saying she'll walk home on the way back. I know you and your friends are going shopping after class. I heard you talking yesterday. I'm a creep, okay? Why are you lying? She offers Karlie a ride, searching for truth in her eyes. The taller girl accepts.She doesn't seem to be lying, which makes her even better at it. It's very disappointing. The vampire knows she shouldn't expect anything from Karlie, but she still feels hurt. All the lies Taylor has told have been to protect herself, her family and the human, as well. She's obviously not someone who can get on a high horse about lying and manipulating, but...
She was so different yesterday. I'm the one who pushed her into being like this.
Taylor doesn't leave her car for the rest of the day, lying on the backseat and closing her eyes. She forces herself to analyze everything she's feeling and pushes it all deeply into the back of her mind. Focusing on the noise of the heater inside the car, she avoids searching for the girl's voice inside the school building. She can't be getting angry like this around Karlie, no matter what she does. It's too dangerous.Once the school hours are over, Taylor feels calmer—resentment had replaced the anger, at least for now. It's not ideal, but better than the alternative. She reminds herself of her plan. Overexposure is key. So she follows the girl and her friends to Port Angeles, trying not to think about how Karlie had lied and left her waiting for her. She's a liar.
I'm a liar and a creep...
She keeps a safe distance from them, not paying attention to any of their conversations, simply focusing on distinguishing human scents. She knows she needs to train her nose to be better prepared. She realizes that the scent she picked up on Karlie earlier was from her goth brunette friend, so she stops trying to figure out what might or might not have happened the night before. It's clear they are just friends. And it's not my business. I shouldn't care.She somehow loses track of Karlie and her friends for a bit when they switch stores. She's trying to figure out the exact distance at which she can sense each of the human's scent, but then she misses them completely. It's not as easy as it might seem and this is the first time she's training herself to do it. After a while, she gives up and starts driving towards the general direction she thought they went. She can smell Karlie's friend, Derek, but neither of the girls are at the same place as him.
She'll come back. Taylor waits by the store for a few minutes, watches as Derek goes to his car, puts his shopping bags in the backseat and heads to an Italian restaurant down the street. A few minutes later, Karlie's other friend shows up to meet him. Taylor finally listens to their conversation: they're ordering their food already. That's strange. Karlie couldn't have gone home.She starts driving again, circling every block until she can pick up Karlie's sweet fragrance. Taylor considers the girl might be lost. It's already dark, and the streets here could look the same for a human. At this point she's desperate to find her, feeling a lump forming in her throat, fear taking over her brain. She jumps in her seat when she catches Karlie's trail a couple of blocks away, relief washing over her. She follows it with a long sigh, trying to calm down. Let's just make sure she's okay. There's no need to act like this.
But then, she's close enough to see the scene, and everything goes to hell.She nearly breaks the steering wheel when she hears Karlie's heartbeat and finally finds her. The human is standing alone on the middle of a dark, dead-end street, surrounded by four strange men who appear to be closing in on her like predators.
Taylor loses control completely.She gets out of the car, the mixture of anger and jealousy she had felt earlier paling in comparison to the fury that takes over. She is lethal, every sense heightened as she approaches the men. But then she sees Karlie trembling under the yellow streetlight, her usually rosy cheeks now pale with fear. If she hadn't locked eyes with her before she could act, Taylor would have killed them without hesitation, without remorse. But the girl is more important—she needs to ensure her safety before anything else.She deals with it. She tells Karlie to go inside the car and she deals with them. She sees her reflection in their eyes—she's in her true form, eyes completely black, fangs out. The only thing that stops her from killing them is the fact that Karlie will see it happen.She doesn't know how she gets back inside the car or manages to drive away. She can hear herself tell Karlie to put on her seatbelt, but it doesn't sound like her voice. She feels removed from reality, fighting the urge to go back and search for them.
She has ruined everything. Even though she doesn't kill those disgusting men in front of Karlie, she isn't able to hide her true nature from her. She has exposed herself.Karlie knows.
She knows Taylor's not normal. She's seen her eyes and perhaps her fangs, though she can't be completely sure. The human's breath hitches at the sight, her heartbeat pounding in her chest. Her body is so inviting, making it even harder for Taylor to calm down. Karlie doesn't realize it, but being saved by Taylor doesn't mean she's out of danger.
When Taylor's in blood-drinking mode like this—and also very angry and unstable—nothing could be more dangerous to a human. She came so close to killing those men she could almost taste their blood on her tongue. Never before has she wanted to kill anyone as badly as she did tonight. Monsters, how could they? How dare they?She compelled them into torture—they would remove each other's penises and then wait until they were close to bleeding out to call an ambulance. If they did survive, they would turn themselves into the police.
She has never done this. Never harmed anyone like this. They deserve it. For the love of God, one of them were about to touch her when I got there. She stops the car and hides her face in her hands, trying to calm down. Her anger boils over, and the thought of going back to make sure they bleed out is way too satisfying.
"What's wrong?" Karlie asks, her tone sweet and careful. Taylor can't possibly answer that.
Then, after a pause, she says:"I'm not scared."Taylor is surprised by her words, which helps diffuse her anger. So she asks the girl to keep talking, and she does. Everything Karlie says is news to her, in both good and bad ways. She feels confused about the Titanic story, jealous that Josh Kushner asked her to prom, and happy about the Mazzy Star CD. Gradually, her fangs retreat, and the veins beneath her eyes disappear. This time is easier than when the van almost crushed them. She's not touching the human or focused on her blood. She's still dangerous, but now more driven by vengeance than anything else.She looks up at Karlie, expecting to see her still shaking with fear. Instead, she meets a worried yet gentle stare that pierces straight to her bones. Oh, she wasn't scared of me. She was scared for me. She turns the car back on, trying to not get too caught up on the way that thought makes her feel. Because Karlie still should be scared of her. She could have hurt her so, so easily, even if it was by accident.
"How did you know where I was?" The girl asks after a moment.
Taylor stays silent, naturally. Now that she's managed to pull herself together, she has to clean up the mess she's made. She doesn't want to but she knows she has to find a way to convince Karlie that she didn't see what she saw. She can't know. If the Volturi find out, she'll be dead."I'm not scared," the human repeats herself. Back to her stubbornness, I see."You should be," Taylor murmurs sadly. "You should let this go, Karlie."Karlie's unnerving calmness after what just happened irritates Taylor. She wants to warn her further, to make sure she runs away to safety, but she also feels a strong need to be the one to ensure she's safe. It's a strange feeling, wanting to protect Karlie when the real danger is herself."How can I possibly let this go?" The taller girl asks, incredulous. "You saved me, again."Taylor's immediate reaction is anger—Karlie's main takeaway from it all is that she saved her. Again! She holds the feeling back, trying not to react. You can't get angry like this with her so close! She's already seen too much. Taylor parks by the Italian restaurant where Karlie's friends are, and the girl remains silent, not commenting on how Taylor knew exactly where to take her; just like the day before."You really owe me an explanation this time," she says, with full confidence now, opening the door of the car. "Stay here."The taller girl gets out of the Volvo, meeting her two friends as they are walking down the front steps of the restaurant. Taylor is taken aback by Karlie's command to stay. She scoffs quietly to herself. She doesn't turn off the car, trying to decide if she should drive away without another word.
I can't leave her now. I need to compel her! How else am I going to make sure she forgets what happened? It has to work this time. I only ever tried it one time, maybe I didn't do it the right way. She never doubts herself like this, but she can't think of any other reason why it didn't work like it should have. She watches as Karlie's friends greet her with relief—they were starting to get worried and didn't know what to do.
"Did you just get out of that car?" Her brunette friend asks suddenly, surprised. "Is that..."Taylor turns off the engine and exits the vehicle, locking the doors behind her. She walks towards the two curious and now very shocked teenagers. She stops by Karlie's side, who looks at her with annoyance. She's not playing this little hiding game this time. She has to make sure Karlie gets home safely and that means she needs other humans to know Karlie's leaving with her. Is she leaving with me? Why am I assuming she's leaving with me?That same possessive feeling she felt earlier begs her not to leave Karlie alone. She tries to convince herself that she's not staying because she can't help it, but because she needs to fix the mess she has made. I need to focus on what I can control. Overexposure was the plan. And now I need to compel her. That's why I'm here.
"Hey," she greets Karlie's friends, who simply stare at her with wide eyes. "Sorry, it's my fault she's late-""I got lost," Karlie tries to explain, running her hands through her hair in embarrassment. She really doesn't want to be seen with me. "And then ran into Taylor."She points at the blonde, who tries not to get too affected by the way the other girl says her name with a small voice."Oh!" Derek is the only one who answers. The goth girl is staring at Taylor and Karlie in complete bemusement.
"Is it okay if I join you?" Taylor asks, simply to be polite. She knows the two kids had already eaten and looked quite ready to leave before she showed up.
"Uh..." The goth girl starts."Actually, Karlie, we already ate while we were waiting," the boy says, his tone apologetic. "I'm sorry.""Oh, it's okay," Karlie brushes it off with a half smile. "You guys can go ahead, I know you have to be home by seven.""You're staying?" The brunette asks with raised brows."I'm hungry," Karlie simply says. "I'll get a ride back with Taylor."She tries to sound nonchalant, but Taylor can hear the frantic pounding of her heart. Everyone is suddenly silent, the shock from Karlie's friends still very palpable and hanging in the air.
"Okay," the boy says after cleaning his throat. "See you tomorrow, then..."He grabs the brunette by the arm, who lets out a surprised, funny gasp but follows him toward his parked car across the street. With a slight frown on her face, Karlie tells Taylor she's going along with them to get her bag. The vampire listens as the trio walk away and whisper to each other."Holy shit.""Karlie, what the fuck!""Shut up!" Karlie scolds as the two other kids enter the car. The boy raises her bag through the window and Karlie tries to grab it, but he holds onto it tightly. With a small grunt, she pulls it toward herself, nearly falling back when he finally lets go. Taylor bites back a smile."You're such a liar!""I'm not. We'll talk about it later.""You better tell us every single detail..."Karlie starts walking away without answering and Derek scoffs, then yells:"I'm keeping your dress!"A couple of seniors passing by glance at him and then at Karlie. The tall girl winces a little, not looking back at the car. Taylor's curiosity gnaws at her—what's going through her mind? Is she embarrassed by her friends? Embarrassed by me?
Derek waves to the old couple, rolls up the window and drives away. The sound of the car's engine fades into the distance and Karlie approaches her with a sheepish look. Taylor raises a single eyebrow."Not a word," Karlie warns, pointing at her with a single finger.
"I wasn't going to say anything.""Oh, sure," Karlie squints suspiciously but doesn't say anything else. She begins walking back toward the restaurant's entrance, with Taylor trailing behind, taking this moment as simply another step in her plan. Things have been going exceptionally well for her. She had a rage fit, Karlie stood her up, she followed her scent for hours, exposed her disturbing vampire eyes to her, and now they're about to have dinner together—I'm not eating human food. It's been great.The restaurant is nearly empty. A hostess greets them and leads them to a small table near one of the windows. The dim lights cast a soft glow on Karlie's face, and Taylor, who seats down across from her, listens to the rhythm of her heart—thankfully, it sounds calmer now. Their server, a young man in his early twenties, gazes at Taylor with a hint of awe before asking if they'd like to order drinks. Karlie asks for a Coke and Taylor does the same; she knows she won't actually drink it. When he leaves, Taylor observes the other girl for a moment."What?" Karlie asks, looking a little annoyed."Are you okay?" She has to ask. The girl has gone through something quite traumatizing and it hasn't even been a hour since it happened. Taylor can't think of the situation without getting furious so she simply focuses on Karlie's demeanor, trying to figure her out.The human's eyes soften a bit.
"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm fine. You?"Taylor ignores her question."Are you sure? That was..."Their server comes back then and puts down their glasses of Coke on the table, asking if they're ready to order. Karlie takes a quick look at the menu and asks for a mushroom ravioli. Taylor thinks that sounds disgusting and tries not to frown as she tells him she won't be having anything."Are you sure you're not hungry?" Karlie watches her with concern. She shakes her head."I'm not hungry, no."Karlie takes a sip of her Coke and shivers a bit. She's not wearing the coat she had on in the morning, when Taylor left her at school. Is it cold right now for her? She glances at a few other humans in the restaurant; some of them are wearing layers, others aren't.
"Where's your coat?"
Karlie looks down at her sweater-covered chest, suddenly realizing she doesn't have it on."Oh, damn it, I left it in Derek's car. It wasn't that cold earlier..."She tells herself that her actions don't mean anything as she removes her own coat and offers it to Karlie. The gesture surprises the human, who looks at her with a mix of astonishment and gratitude. I don't even feel cold. She needs it more than I do.
"You don't have to," she says, blushing.
"It's not a big deal. I'm not cold. Take it," she says in a monotone, telling herself the same thing internally—it's not a big deal, it doesn't mean anything.Karlie hesitates for a moment before accepting it, slipping it on with another slight shiver as her arms move through the fabric. Shit, my skin must have made that thing freezing for her."Thank you," she murmurs and Taylor quickly averts her gaze away from the gorgeous rose color of her cheeks. "I'm not going to freak out, if that's what you're thinking."Taylor looks back at her, curiosity sparking. You should be freaking out. Do you not value your own livelihood at all?"I'm not thinking that."Karlie tilts her head."You don't need to appease me. I'm not upset or scared," she grabs a breadstick from a small basket on the table and chews on it, searching for Taylor's eyes. Taylor meets her gaze, maintaining a fake calm expression. "I just need you to be honest."Taylor takes a moment to consider her resquest. The fact is, she exposed herself—that's done. Unless she can find a way to erase this girl's memory immediately, she won't let go of what she's seen, stubborn as she is. Everything is probably adding up in her head. Taylor wants to believe that Karlie is interested because she cares, not just out of curiosity, but everything suggests otherwise.
"Why should I do that?" Is what ends up coming out of her lips. "Are you ever honest with me?""I try to be," she says, eyes still locked on Taylor's. "Most of the time I can't even help it."Taylor's heart softens at the girl's confession.
"I can't be honest with you without putting you in danger, Karlie," she says, hoping the girl will take her seriously.
Karlie takes it as a challenge."And if I figure it out on my own?"Taylor shifts in her seat, pulling back. She realizes that she had been unconsciously leaning toward the girl across the table, drawn into the conversation. Straightening her posture, she maintains her distance."I would prefer if you did not."The server returns with Karlie's food, placing the warm plate in front of her. Karlie begins eating almost immediately, probably using the moment to consider her next words. Taylor hopes and prays that she will drop the subject—she can't compel her, doesn't even think she could try at this point. It's like she doesn't know the right words, like her body is physically unable to do it. She wonders if this is part of the magic too, or if it's something particular to their situation. Vampires don't usually mate with humans, so there's no real way of knowing."How about I tell you my side of it," she suggests when she's halfway through her meal, and her heartbeat starts quickening again. "And then you tell me yours.""About what happened today?""About all of it."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Not everything has to be lost. Taylor's plan can remain the same if she somehow convinces Karlie that what she saw wasn't...unusual. Maybe she can tell the girl that she's down with something (an eye condition?) rather than being obvious about being a blood-sucking immortal demon.She doesn't necessarily need to reveal the
actual
truth to play along with Karlie's proposition. And, by doing so, she can get more information about the girl and find more ways to get closer to her—all for the sake of her plan, of course.
This would imply lying to her again when she's asking me to be honest.
There's no way she can be honest, even if it's the fair thing to do. If Karlie finds out, Taylor will be even more bound to her, having to quite literally hide her from the Volturi just to be safe. Naturally, they don't go around searching for this type of situation all of the time, but they do show up unannounced—she was there for one of their visits to Dianna's clan not even a week ago.When the Cullens are eventually summoned to Italy, or some member of the guard comes to Forks to check on them, they will ask questions about her if she's not present. Carlisle made sure to let them know about her existence when she joined the family. And, well, if she
is
there, her thoughts might be exposed, and that's even worse.
Aro doesn't do visits. Also, I've been changed for over five years and never had to deal with them directly. I can't risk it, but there would be ways to hide Karlie from them if she keeps being persistent and finds out. That's the last thing I need to be considering, but...
"So?" The girl waits for her to answer. She seems to be getting anxious, Taylor can hear her feet tapping on the ground."I can't promise anything," she mumbles.
It's better than outright lying to her.Karlie exhales deeply and then continues eating. Taylor doesn't look directly at her, instead trying to focus on the other humans she can see walking down the street through the main window. She wants Karlie to tell her
everything, of course, but she isn't going to be the one to initiate this whole thing. She has to find the right time to regain control of the narrative, telling Karlie she's terribly sick with a noncontagious, nonexistent disease.
Ha! Like I had control of anything in the first place.Once Karlie finishes eating, she excuses herself to go to the ladies' room and Taylor really wishes she could be a mind reader to know what the hell is going through her head. She decides to pay the bill before the human returns and makes a fuss about it. She then goes outside to wait for her, leaning against the Volvo with her arms crossed. She feels impatient and reckless, knowing she's not the one calling the shots. Her attempts at solutions are nothing more than grasping at straws. Karlie's silence is very ambiguous, it could very well mean she's simply waiting for Taylor to slip up again.She breathes in the air free of Karlie's scent, recalling how desperate she had felt earlier when she couldn't find her. Taylor's getting
too involved. Her mind is plagued with the ongoing dilemma of protecting the girl from herself—she has to stay just far away enough to know she can come closer. She needs to keep Karlie within arm's reach, but without touching her or even entertaining the thought.And if I figure out on my own?,
Karlie's challenge echoes in her mind.Now, isn't that neat?
Taylor reminds herself the girl is close with at least one of the werewolves from La Push.
What if one of them told her everything? That's breaking the treaty. And if I find out they really did this, I need to tell Carlisle.
The Cullens had an agreement with the wolves: they would not set foot on the reservation as long as the Quileutes kept the secret about their true nature.Taylor broke the treaty without even knowing it, almost causing a fight when she moved to Forks. Carlisle explained to them that he hadn't had time to fill her in on the whole story, and so the leader, an old man in a wheelchair, let it slide.
But if they're going around telling the truth to random humans, then maybe things have changed.
I need to know how much she knows.
Karlie finally comes out of the restaurant with an annoyed expression, striding towards her with long steps. Taylor bites her lip, holding back an amused smile."Why did you pay? You didn't even eat anything," she says, stopping in front of her, crossing her arms around her chest just as Taylor uncrosses hers and starts going around the car to get to the driver's seat."Are you allergic to saying thank you?" the vampire jokes.Taylor watches as the girl scoffs and then she opens the door, getting in the car. She can't fully grasp how
chivalrous
she's been tonight. It's becoming too much for her to accept or try to justify her own behavior.Karlie enters the car as well, her breath quick and shallow. Anger still lingers in her eyes as she deliberately avoids looking at Taylor, her gaze darting around."Seatbelt—""I know!"Taylor is about to start the car, but Karlie's tone catches her attention. She turns her head to look at her, worry taking over her thoughts.
She's been through enough tonight, I need to back off.The vampire breathes in and instantly regrets it. The confined space of the car, already warm and filled with Karlie's scent, is making her feel slightly lightheaded. She quickly turns forward again, trying to steady her thoughts.
Isn't this supposed to be getting easier?"Karlie, I didn't mean to upset you. You can pay me back if you want," she says, hoping it will ease the tension."You didn't—" Karlie stammers before shaking her head in frustration. "You're so
infuriating."Taylor's chin drops slightly at the human's words. She hears Karlie's breath hitch a few times and notices her shifting in her seat. It's then that Taylor realizes the girl is
crying. Her eyes widen as she sees the tears shimmering on Karlie's soft cheeks. Her humanity is so vibrant as she tries to wipe away the tears with her palms, only for more to follow. Taylor feels helpless. This is the second time she has made Karlie cry.
Third, if I count the day of the accident."What—What do you want me to do?" She stutters, struggling to find the right words, her hand twitching as if she might reach out to touch the human's shoulder, but she doesn't. She doesn't want to make things worse."Tell me the truth."Of course, the one thing I can't do, Taylor thinks, closing her eyes for a moment. She considers once again the implications if Karlie were to find out everything.
Certain death. There's no way around it. I can't protect her from the Volturi forever. The two of us would be dead and her death would be on my hands. Haven't I done enough damage?"What do you want to know?" The vampire says, her voice faltering with hesitation.
Careful, now.Karlie takes a moment to compose herself, sniffling softly, clearing her throat, and then turning to face Taylor."What do you want from me?" She pauses, breathing heavily. "I told you I won't say anything about...you know. I
promise, I won't. I'm not scared. I just need to know."Looking into her shiny eyes is too much for Taylor. Her heart softens and she wants to tell her whatever she can under the circumstances. She's feels weak. All she will do is continue to ruin things for herself if she keeps going at this pace."I want to be around you," she hears herself murmur.Karlie furrows her brows in confusion."Why?"Taylor can't delve into that, not only for Karlie's sake but for her own. Maybe it's also a matter of preserving her own denial; it's all getting mixed together. The truth is, she should be driving this car since they got in, yet somehow she isn't. Despite everything, she wants to savor this moment, to enjoy being in Karlie's presence as long as she can. And then she will go back home,
not sleep, and continue to try to escape from the intensity of her feelings when she's finally alone.It's so hard to think about anything else when Karlie's here now, and she's giving her her full attention, asking all of this and
why? Why does Taylor fear that she's faking it? That she's crying because she
is
scared? Or that she's doing this only to talk to her friends about it later?"Do you hate me, Karlie?" She can't help but ask. She needs answers, too. Because her heart aches at the possibility and she is
so stupid
for thinking she could ever not be controlled by this. This entire day, all she has done is be surrounded by Karlie: her voice, her scent, her heartbeat. And it doesn't feel the slightest bit easier to resist the craving in her chest that begs her to give in. Her working alone is basically self-sabotage. It's all going so wrong."Hate
you?" Karlie bites her lips. "No, I don't hate you. You're just..."She shakes her head and turns away, wiping the last tiny droplets of tears from beneath her eyes. Her heartbeat finally starts to steady, going back to its regular rhythm."I don't understand what's
in it
for you."
There's nothing in this for me. The endgame here is worse than you could possibly imagine. There's no upside for either of us. The one plan I had isn't working. What am I supposed to do now?
"Do you want me to stop?" Taylor diverts the subject once again."What?""Is that why you stood me up earlier?" She should be embarrassed for even bringing it up but she can't help herself."I—I didn't do that on purpose," the human says, blushing with embarrassment. "I completely forgot I was supposed to come here with my friends today, and then I couldn't get out of it. I looked for you to explain, but I didn't find you anywhere."She seems to be telling the truth now, Taylor can't see any signs of lying. That would explain why it didn't sound like she was lying this morning, either. The vampire remains silent, not knowing how to respond."How did you find me, Taylor?"She's not going to let it go.
Taylor rests her head against the seat before finally turning on the ignition, starting the drive back to Forks. It's about an hour or so on the road, so Karlie will have plenty of time to continue to ask those stupid, dangerous questions."What did you say to those men?"
Good one. So, basically, I will never know the actual outcome of what I did to them. They could be dead by now. There's no way of knowing!
"Why did you lie about me hitting my head?"
Well, I'm probably going to have to lie again about that, since you saw what you saw. My compelling works with everyone else, you know? I could easily make it look like you're the crazy one.
Karlie sighs, seeming to give up on talking for now, seeing as Taylor refuses to cooperate. Taylor catches her reflection in the window—the girl is staring to her right, a slight pout on her lips.
She's always so..."You said you want to be around me..." Karlie begins, searching for the right words. She pauses for so long that Taylor thinks she's dropped the subject, but then she says, "I want that, too."Of course, an irritating sense of belonging immediately floods the vampire's mind. She fights to keep her expression neutral, every muscle in her face held in check as she concentrates all of her focus on driving with precision, determined not to make this a big deal."But we can't be friends if you're going to keep being so cryptic."Friends.
Huh. Taylor takes a moment see the whole picture again, not breathing in the air in the car and doing everything to keep her concentration on the road in front of her.
The plan doesn't have to be done. It's been one day. How can I say everything is done after one day?She's not going to tell anyone. I'll trust her on that. There's no other choice for me here. And if she does, either Edward or Selena will let me know. She clearly doesn't know the whole story—only parts of it. Unless she connects the dots, we should be in the clear.
Taylor feels somewhat reassured, recognizing that being at least acquaintances with Karlie was a necessary part of her plan, even if she's reluctant to admit it. "Friends" is a stronger term—one that implies honesty, as Karlie pointed out. It's still a dangerous idea. Vampires aren't exactly the safest company to keep. And Taylor is the worst possible vampire for her to be friends with."I'm not a very good friend for you to have, Karlie," she knows she should warn her. The plan only serves Taylor's own agenda and relies on several conditions. They must keep a safe distance from each other. They must not touch. Karlie must not keep pressing on any of the dangerous subjects she keeps pressing on..."You're going to drive me crazy," the girl chuckles, exasperated. "You just said—""I'm only saying it'd be better if we weren't friends, not that I don't want to be.""What does that mean?""It means if you were smart, you would stay away from me," Taylor gives her a sharp, warning look as she speaks, hoping she'll take it seriously this time."Right," Karlie looks down at her hands, her brown hair falling on the sides of her face."Right?""Let's just say I'm not very smart," she mumbles with a shrug. "Will you tell me the truth?""I can't, Karlie," the vampire says in a frustrated tone, pressing down harder on the gas pedal and speeding up. She doesn't want to say goodbye to the girl, but if Karlie keeps asking these questions, it's better for Taylor to get her to her house as quickly as possible.Karlie doesn't say anything about the sudden change in speed. Silence settles over the car once more until Taylor hears Karlie tapping her feet on the floor again. She glances over and sees the girl's shoulders are trembling. As they approach Forks, the temperature outside must be dropping, and the heat in the car is turned down low. Taylor reaches foward to adjust it, and Karlie seems to have the same idea, her hand rising towards the heater at the same moment. Both their index fingers brush briefly, and the jolt of electricity that surges through Taylor's arm is so intense she feels her body shake in response. Karlie gasps softly, her heartbeat quickening."Sorry," Taylor murmurs almost automatically. It irks her to even think of how uncomfortable it must be for Karlie to touch her cold skin.
She didn't seem to mind when I touched her face during the accident. Taylor quickly pushes that thought away, angry at her own weakness.Silence ensues once again, but this time the tension is much stronger than before. Karlie seems more restless and Taylor is doing her best to control her own emotions. She know her quick senses would prevent them from getting into any type of accident, but she feels so out of it, she really wishes she wasn't the one driving."Do you remember how I passed out on my first day here?" Karlie asks, sounding nervous. Taylor nods, curious about where the conversation is heading. Karlie takes a deep breath before continuing, "It was because of you.""What?"
What the hell did I do? I didn't even touch her that day!
"I—I don't know how to explain. You had this
effect
on me; I felt it the moment I entered the room. Then, when I was sitting beside you, it just... I—It was this sweet, strange
smell
that made me dizzy."Taylor is utterly shocked by Karlie's confession. Her mind keeps echoing,
this can't be, this can't be, this can't be. She can't believe that the human is basically saying the spell coursing through Taylor's veins is affecting her. The mating bond, which should only work on vampires, has impacted Karlie to the point of making her pass out. This is possibly the worst news Taylor could receive. Believing that Karlie was completely unaffected has been one of the few things she could clung to."Are you going to tell me that's normal?" Karlie asks, tilting her head.Taylor keeps silent."Do you see why I'm so angry at you? This is all I—" She exhales deeply, trying to calm herself. "Don't you think I deserve some answers?"
Of course you do. I just can't give them to you. You poor girl. I can't even imagine what this thing must feel like as a human.
"Karlie, please, listen to me. I understand this might be confusing but
you have to let it go," Taylor pleads, looking into her eyes for a moment. Her arm still tingles from her touch, a lingering sensation she can't shake off. "Please.""Why?" Karlie asks, furrowing her brows. "Because it's 'dangerous'?"She lifts her hands and makes quotation marks in the air, her lips curling into a wry smile."Very," Taylor doesn't respond with the same sarcasm. Her expression remains serious, eyes filled with concern."I think you have a very strange view of what 'dangerous' means," Karlie replies, her voice steady but edged with frustration. "Those men who wanted to hurt me? They were dangerous. The van that nearly hit me? That was dangerous. But you? You're the furthest thing from—""Stop," Taylor interrupts before the girl continues with her ridiculous rant. "Are you going to let it go, or not?"Karlie stares at her, incredulous."Of course not," she says.Taylor holds Karlie in a steady gaze, her expression hardening as she tries to scare the girl into giving up. Every muscle in her body is tense, and she's doing everything in her power to appear threatening, hoping it will be enough to make Karlie relent. Karlie flinches, a momentary crack in her resolve, but she doesn't say anything else."Then maybe it's better if we're not friends," the vampire says as she turns her head foward. The words are spoken with a finality that leaves little room for argument, but the taller girl doesn't want to back down."I
knew
that was bullshit," Karlie snaps angrily. "I knew you didn't want to be around me. You're just trying to keep me from finding out more things about—ugh! You're just making sure I won't tell anybody."Taylor shakes her head and a small scoff comes out of her lips."If that were true, then I'm failing miserably, aren't I?" Her voice is dry, almost mocking, as she meets Karlie's gaze."On the contrary," The taller girl responds, feet tapping on the floor again. "You're doing a great job of driving me
insane. Nobody would believe me even if I wanted to say anything.""Karlie, you can do whatever you want. I clearly couldn't shut you up even if I tried," Taylor says, tiredly."I already promised I won't say anything.""Well, then this conversation is over, isn't it?""Sure. It's all settled. I'm not going to tell anyone, we're not friends, and you're a hypocrite."Taylor laughs genuinely at Karlie's furious tone, an unguarded reaction that stands in stark contrast to the tension in the air."That's it, then," the blonde says with a small shrug."No, wait—""Oh, my God. I'm going to stop and leave you on the side of the road.""Answer one question. One question and I will let it go."
I'll just play along and if it's something too close to the truth, I'll just lie. She's saying she'll let it go, I should at least give it a chance.
"Can't be any of the ones you already asked.""Okay, okay, but be honest," Karlie finally looks at her with hopeful eyes. The vampire nods once, grimmacing in anticipation."Can you control people's minds?"Taylor chuckles at how direct she is, finding it extremely amusing. It's no surprise that this is what she's picked up on, especially given that Taylor has compelled at least two people right in front of her. For a moment, the vampire considers outright lying to avoid the issue. But instead of dodging the question, she decides to turn the situation on the other girl—one of her favorite tactics."You think I can control your mind?""I don't think you've done it to me, but..." she drifts off, maybe realizing how crazy she actually sounds. "I think you maybe did it to my dad."Taylor wants to punch something. Has she been obvious this entire time, or is Karlie just exceptionally observant? She had tried to be careful, especially with the compelling part of it all.
This is only one of the things she noticed. If she somehow connects the dots..."Karlie, do you hear yourself?" Taylor responds, doing her best to feign outrage."Yes, I know it sounds insane," Karlie brushes off the question as if it were about the weather or her favorite genre of music. "Just answer me.""No," Taylor says firmly. "I cannot control your mind."It's the truth—she can't control Karlie's mind and is physically incapable of even trying to do so. Karlie exhales deeply, looking out the window."Will you drop it now?" Taylor asks, ready to remind Karlie of her promise to let it go if the question was answered honestly, which it was. Technically."If that's what you want," the taller girl replies in a strained voice. "Don't worry, I still won't say anything.""And we're not friends, and I'm a hypocrite," Taylor repeats, imitating Karlie's tone with a smirk.The taller girl has assured Taylor at least three times during this conversation that she'll keep her secret, even without knowing the details, and Taylor believes her. It's odd that she assumes the only reason Taylor is trying to stay close is to cover her slip-ups. While that is certainly part of Taylor's motivation, it's far from the main reason."I'm glad my suffering amuses you," Karlie rolls her eyes."You'll live."That's the primary goal here: to keep Karlie safe and alive. Taylor needs to make sure she doesn't piece things together and discover more about her immortality. Karlie promised she'd let it go, and so far, she's kept her word about not telling anyone. She hasn't even brought up seeing Taylor's dark, unsettling eyes earlier. So, it's not all bad.She'll maintain this dynamic for as long as possible, even if Karlie thinks they shouldn't be friends. They don't need to be that close; Taylor just needs to keep her plan on track. Given that she already trusts Karlie to a degree, she just has to ensure things stay exactly as they are—distant, vague, and carefully controlled.
Maybe 'carefully controlled' is a bit of an exaggeration."So, are you going to the dance on Friday?" Karlie asks, her tone still carrying a hint of frustration but now more settled and casual.Friendship, it is.
Just far enough for her to know she can come closer.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
So, Karlie is not letting anything go.The last thing she will do is give up. She's tried everything to earn Taylor's trust—even confessing how she felt on that humiliating day when she passed out—but nothing has gotten the blonde girl to truly open up. Taylor is such a skilled liar that she often makes Karlie question her own instincts, and breaking through her defenses this time feels particularly impossible. But she's not letting it go.
What frustrates her the most is how easily Taylor gets under her skin. She can't understand why every argument with the girl leaves her feeling so exposed, why her anger so quickly turns to tears. Maybe it's part of Taylor's strange power—this unsettling ability to make her feel everything so deeply, so painfully.Karlie has exhausted every approach. And if she isn't going to get the truth from the source, she'll simply find someone else who'll talk. Someone from the reservation—maybe Jacob. He has to know something. If Leah knows, surely he does too. He's also more gullible, younger. And if he refuses to tell her, she'll just keep looking until she finds someone who will.
She's not giving up, especially not after tonight. Being saved again in what was probably the most terrifying moment of her life only strengthens her resolve. She can't just let this go, no matter how many times Taylor tries to dismiss it or scare her into silence. Her frustration is pushing her to a breaking point, and she knows she deserves to know the truth. All the pain and anxiety this is causing her, all the sleepless nights and endless questions—it isn't fair to be kept in the dark. She won't rest until she gets the answers she needs, no matter what it takes.And she doesn't feel guilty for lying to her; Karlie has lied for her way too many times. In fact, she feels a weight lift off her shoulders now that she no longer has to strategize ways to get her to talk. Sure, she has failed at every attempt so far, but there's less pressure somehow. She can't pinpoint what shifted in her brain, but she's not so angry anymore.
She can't stop thinking about how Taylor got out of the car, ready to protect her despite being just a teenage girl like Karlie herself. But then again, she did protect me. It's all very shocking but also deeply meaningful. Taylor knew where she was, and nothing could convince her that the girl's presence was coincidental. It might seem cliché and utterly irrational, but deep down, Karlie feels that it's fate, no matter what Taylor truly is.
She was meant to be there. It became increasingly clear when Taylor casually offered her coat—a gesture that seemed trivial but was so much more. Her lavender fragrance, deeply embedded in the fabric, felt intensely personal and true. As Karlie sat there, eating and trying to avoid saying something she could regret, she felt different. When she excused herself to go to the bathroom, she sat in the stall and, instead of dwelling on how strange she might seem, she inhaled the scent of the coat for a good while, trying to understand the irrationality of it. It makes no sense that she feels this way, but it's true, and it's just as real for Taylor.
Why else would she be here?
She kept asking that question in her mind. While she was becoming more convinced she wasn't insane, she still needed confirmation. Taylor even made her doubt her theory for a moment, which infuriated her. Is any of it true? What is it you want?But when Taylor laughed at her fury, Karlie was more certain than ever. Taylor hadn't done anything to actually prevent Karlie from sharing anything; she tried to manipulate her, sure, but she wasn't the one actively hiding—Karlie was. In fact, Taylor made sure to get out of her car before Karlie's friends left, ensuring they saw them together. She was there when the van nearly killed her; she offered to give her a ride to school. She saved her from those men. She gave Karlie her coat so she wouldn't be cold and paid for dinner. If Taylor were a man and Karlie were observing this from the outside, she'd believe it meant so much more than she's allowed herself to admit.So, she isn't giving up. Whatever Taylor truly is can't change anything; Karlie deserves the truth, not only for her peace of mind but because her involvement is inevitable. And since Taylor won't budge about telling her, Karlie will eventually find it elsewhere.
She's a bit calmer and no longer fixated on pressuring the other girl, but she's still determined to keep Taylor talking. She tries to shift the conversation toward trivialities, knowing they still have a good twenty minutes of driving ahead before reaching Forks."So, are you going to the dance on Friday?""No, probably not," the blonde girl replies with a slight frown."Why not?" Karlie tries to keep her tone casual, even though she had sounded completely desperate just five minutes before."You're going with your friends?" Taylor asks, avoiding her question. Karlie is starting to notice patterns in the way she steers the conversation; she almost rolls her eyes."Yes," she nods once, swallowing hard before going for a bold question. "Do you want to come with us?"Taylor keeps focused on the road, her expression unreadable as she takes a moment to answer."I thought you didn't want to be seen with me," she points out in a monotone.Karlie shrugs, trying to play it off with a casualness she doesn't feel.
"Well, that ship has sailed, hasn't it?" She knows Taylor won't say yes; that's the only reason why she even asks. The Leah thing is still an unresolved mess, and her friends—well, they'll be an even bigger problem now that they've seen the two of them together tonight. But Taylor can't and won't accept it."Have you stopped to consider that I might already have a date?"Karlie's heart drops.
Jesus, I'm such a loser. For all I know, she could even have a boyfriend. I don't know anything about her. The thought hits her like a punch, making her mind race once again.
It all circles back—it's real, and it's true—but what is it? Why does she feel like this? Why is she so angry? A knot tightens in her chest, unfamiliar and overwhelming. It feels raw, like frustration mixed with jealousy, but not exactly that. It's deeper, messier—alien in a way. Something she can't fully understand.
I shouldn't care that Taylor has a date. It shouldn't matter at all. We're just friends—am I using that word already?
The fact is: the idea of someone else being close to her makes Karlie feel nauseous. It's irrational, confusing, and terrifying, leaving her unsure if she even wants to dig into what it all means.
I have to figure out what she is. The rest of it is not important.
"D—do you?" Karlie finally asks, her voice barely steady.Taylor exhales, her cheeks swelling with a playful smile."I just told you I'm not going," she said, biting her lower lip. "You're too easy."Karlie flushes, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks. I need to be less affected, she thinks. I can't feel like I'm going to puke at the mere mention of anyone else in her life. That's insane. She takes a long breath, fidgeting with her fingers.
"I didn't mean to assume anything," she explains. "I'm sure every guy with a pulse has thought about asking you to go. But I bet they're all too scared..."Karlie's voice is almost a whisper by the end of the sentence. Taylor raises an eyebrow.
"And yet, here you are. Asking me."Her teasing tone sends a flutter through Karlie's lower stomach, making her even more anxious about her own feelings. I asked her to go as part of a friend group; it doesn't mean anything."It's ladies' choice," Karlie's heart pounds in her chest. "And I told you, I'm not scared.""Right," Taylor pauses to think for a moment. "Why did Josh Kushner ask you then, if it's ladies' choice?""He's delusional, I don't know," Karlie scoffs, rolling her eyes. "I was warned, I just didn't think he'd actually do it.""It sounds to me like every guy with a pulse wants to ask you out."Karlie lets out a genuine laugh, shaking her head. I wish. Maybe if I had more options here, I wouldn't be going through this, trying to figure out if Leonardo DiCaprio is attractive enough for me, then sleeping on the couch like a dog."Oh, every guy is asking me out, but my choice is to go to this dance with my two gay friends? Makes sense.""I'm sure your friends are more fun than most men, with or without a pulse.""Without?" Karlie laughs softly. "So you're saying you only say yes to zombies?"Taylor's expression shifts almost imperceptibly, her lightheartedness slipping away. Karlie wonders if her joke struck a nerve and what it could possibly mean."You got me," she says, her voice flat.
"I'm not—" Karlie hesitates, her words faltering. "It was just a joke. I know you don't have a date because you choose not to—""Why are you talking to me like you're walking on eggshells?" Taylor glances over with confusion. "I know you're joking.""So laugh, maybe?" The taller girl replies, ignoring the tension in the air. "You could at least say, 'Wow, Karlie, that was hilarious.'""It wasn't," Taylor deadpans, her expression unreadable."Who would you say yes to, then?" Karlie only realizes this is a loaded question after it leaves her lips.
"I'm not very good at saying yes," Taylor answers, and the pensive way she says the words makes Karlie's chest tighten with curiosity. "What about you?"
"I don't know," Karlie glances at the other girl's perfect side profile with a sigh. My problem is I want to say yes to all the wrong people. "Unlike you, I don't have that many options."Taylor grins, looking over at her for a moment, her eyes lighting up in a way that makes Karlie's heart race."I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Ah, c'mon. Don't tell her I said that, but even my friend is into you. And she's a girl," Karlie tries to play it off casually, but the words linger between them, carrying more weight than just humor.
Why am I talking about this? What do I want her to say? Why do I keep pressing on this subject?
"Are you trying to play cupid? Is that why you invited me?" Taylor asks hesitantly.
"No!" Karlie responds way too quickly. "She knows she doesn't have a chanc—look, I'm just stating the obvious.""And that would be...?""Oh, come on, stop it. You know the effect you have on people," Karlie blurts out in a frustrated tone.
Taylor tries to respond, her lips parting a few times, but no words follow."You're impossible," the blonde finally says after a moment, her voice filled with resignation."I'm impossible? We're only still talking about this because you won't give me a straight answer."They're just entering Forks, the town sign barely visible in the dark. Taylor falls silent for a while, and Karlie scoffs, growing more restless. It's not that she even wants her to say yes—she shouldn't have asked in the first place. But now that she has, her stubbornness won't let her drop it without an answer."Listen, I—""I don't think it's the best idea, Karlie. And not just because I'm starting to think you're trying to set me up with your friend..." Taylor says before she can continue.
"What? That's not—""But mostly because you'll need a ride, and I can tell this is your way of buttering me up," Taylor cuts her off with a roll of eyes."You're insane," Karlie lets out a soft laugh, shaking her head. "I'll probably have my truck back by then, anyway.""And if you don't?" Taylor arches a brow. "I mean, I'm practically your personal chauffeur at this point."Her perfect French accent makes Karlie's heart skip a beat. Karlie tilts her head, narrowing her eyes as she tries to decipher her answer. Her lips part slightly as if she's about to ask for clarification, but she holds back, studying Taylor's face instead."You think about it," Karlie says, finally giving up. "Sleep on it."Taylor bursts out laughing, a sound that catches Karlie completely off guard. She furrows her brow, unsure why her suggestion is so amusing. The laugh, though—it's so genuine, so rare. It echoes in the space between them, and Karlie can't help but notice how good it feels to hear. She presses her lips together, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling along."Sure thing," Taylor finally manages, still chuckling, her voice trailing off into a softer, more controlled laugh.Karlie just sighs, her shoulders slumping slightly as she looks down at her lap, avoiding eye contact, her urge to smile fading away. Why can't she let me understand her?"You're so...difficult," she mumbles.Taylor's mood shifts again, her expression subtly cooling, and Karlie feels the familiar emotional whiplash she always feels when talking to her. The tension between them comes and goes so fast, she can't tell if it's real or if she's just imagining it. Is this conversation as strange as it feels, or is she just going crazy, overanalyzing every word?Thirty minutes ago, she was crying—practically begging Taylor for answers. Her emotions had been raw, laid bare, desperate for something solid after the hellish day she had. Now, here they are, talking about the dance like everything is fine, with Taylor running circles around the conversation, dodging a straightforward answer simply because she can.Karlie feels a slow burn of anger in her chest, once again. Taylor is so annoying, always poking and prodding, pushing her buttons. It's infuriating how easy it is for her to twist Karlie up inside. It's not fair that the taller girl can barely scratch the surface. Tonight was different, though—a lot of things were confirmed, even if she didn't say much. Despite her frustration, Karlie's captivated by the way Taylor operates, the way she seems to hold all the power in their exchanges without ever fully claiming it.
As they near her house, the silence between them stretches, heavy and unresolved. When Taylor parks next to her driveway, Karlie simply breathes in heavily, still not saying anything. What did she actually gain from this conversation? What was the point?
No, tonight was something. Something more. I just have organize my thoughts, I need distance from her. She messes with my judgment.
White noise fills the car, and a chill runs down her spine, the silence wrapping around her like a cold, invisible weight. Knowing this is her cue to leave, Karlie hesitates, lingering for just a second longer, hoping for something, anything. But there's nothing. Taylor doesn't look at her, and Karlie swears she can't even hear her breathing.
That's when she sees Charlie stepping out of the front door, still in his police uniform, his expression a mix of confusion and frustration. He pauses briefly, scanning the area, before his eyes lock onto the car, and without hesitation, he strides over."Fuck," she mutters under her breath. "I'm supposed to be grounded."Taylor doesn't respond, simply clicking the button to roll down her window, and, a couple of seconds later, Charlie's face appears next to hers, tight with concern."Karlie, where the hell were you?""Hi, chief," Taylor chimes in, her voice suddenly bubbly and bright. "I told you we were going shopping after school, didn't I? You said it was no problem."Karlie watches her father's expression change as he processes Taylor's words. The anger melts into surprise, then settles into reluctant acceptance, as if he had known all along that she was right.
Karlie's heart races in her chest. This isn't subtle at all. There's no way they could have talked about this, right? Taylor had said it herself—she thought Karlie had stood her up. How could she possibly know Karlie was going out with friends today?"Oh, that's right. I must have forgotten," he relaxes. "I just got home too, I was worried when I couldn't find you.""Busy day today?" Taylor asks, her tone still friendly and polite."Yeah," he says, tiredly. "Just came back from Mason County. A security guard at the Grisham Mill got killed by some kind of animal.""An animal?" Karlie interjects, glancing at Taylor. She notices the way her pupils dilate even in the dim light, another shiver coursing through her. Every instinct tells her to be scared, especially as she's witnessing how Taylor is handling her father."You're not in Phoenix anymore, honey," Charlie sighs. "Well, you've already had dinner, right?""Yeah," Karlie replies, turning away from the blonde girl's gaze in an attempt to ground herself."Thanks for getting her back, kid," Charlie tells Taylor with a grateful smile. "Don't be too long, Karlie. I let you go out this once, but you're still grounded."
You didn't let me go out at all!
He waves to Taylor and walks away, getting inside the house. Karlie breathes in and out, her shoulders trembling after watching the entire interaction. She knows Taylor has done something to Charlie. He couldn't possibly have known. I'm not crazy. If the blonde girl is behaving so brazenly, right under her nose, then she either believes she's safe or trusts Karlie to keep her promise not to pursue this. But she's so wrong. And Karlie feels no guilt at all."It may be for your own good that I'm hesitating to say yes, Karlie," Taylor murmurs. "You should stay away from me."Karlie looks over at her, and this time, the way their eyes meet feels different. There's something deeper, something unspoken. It reminds Karlie of a look they shared earlier, right after Taylor's eyes shifted back to their usual grey color. Karlie can feel it now—the weakness in Taylor's defenses, the way her walls are barely holding up.
She wants to reach out, touch her, to tell her it's okay, that she doesn't need to hold back anymore. She knows her own nervousness is very real—the way her hands tremble slightly, the subtle sheen of sweat on her palms, the tension in her body that betrays fear—but Karlie knows it's not fear of Taylor. Maybe she's a little scared of what she can do but she still wants to stay.
She would never hurt me.
Karlie doesn't want to run. She's not thinking of pulling away, but of staying in this moment, of letting it stretch on as long as possible."Will you pick me up again tomorrow?" she asks in a gentle tone, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please?"Taylor's eyes soften, beautiful and brimming with emotion, tugging at something deep inside Karlie. The blonde nods, just once. Karlie forces a small smile, trying to push aside the growing ache in her chest. Reluctantly, she opens the door and steps out. The night air hits her body immediately, intensifying the hollowness that she already feels.Only when she steps inside the house, she hears the faint sound of the Volvo driving away. It's as she's unlacing her boots, ready to shrug off her coat, that she notices—it's not hers. It's Taylor's. The realization sends a strange wave of warmth through her, though her chest still feels heavy.She walks to the living room and sinks into the couch where she'd slept the night before, resting her head in her hands. The cold feeling still lingers, but her skin feels almost feverish under her palms. Slowly, she slips out of Taylor's designer coat, folding it carefully over her arm. Grabbing her covers and pillow from the couch, she heads upstairs.She drapes the coat over her studying chair and heads to the bathroom for a warm shower. Charlie is in the kitchen, on the phone, not paying her any mind. As the water cascades over her, Karlie replays his interaction with Taylor in her mind. He had sounded so worried, and then it was as if nothing was wrong at all. Did she do the same to those men? She told them to leave, and they just...left?It doesn't matter what Taylor says, the mind control thing is definitely real. She pulled that trick before when she told Charlie that Karlie had hit her head. It's not just one instance; there's a pattern here. I sound insane.She brushes her teeth, still replaying how the men left just seconds after Taylor stood in front of them. No. I'm not crazy. It's real.Then there are the eyes. Karlie feels a shiver run down her spine. This is where it gets tricky with the fear thing—she was genuinely scared when she first saw them. It was unsettling. Taylor's eyes were completely black, like something out of a horror movie—hollow and deep. And there were...veins underneath and around then, even on her eyelids. It was dark, but Karlie was sure of what she saw.Well, in movies, dark eyes usually signal that a character isn't exactly good. They suggest something inhuman, like some kind of creature. Karlie isn't really into horror films, but she knows that much. She was angry, maybe the dark eyes come with the emotion, she tries to tell herself. It's not fair for me to be hung up on this detail. After all, she's saved me. Twice. She's not evil, and she wouldn't hurt me.She shouts goodnight to Charlie from upstairs and heads into her room. She doesn't dwell too much on what happened the night before; instead, she focuses on organizing her thoughts and reassuring herself that she's not crazy.
She lies on the bed, watching the coat hanging on the chair in the dark. There's also the speed. She came to me so fast in the parking lot. One moment she was so far away, the next she was holding me.
Then, Karlie begins to notice more things about Taylor that she hadn't really considered before. She was strikingly pale—her entire family was, in fact. They were all absolutely gorgeous, but they shared this bluish undertone to their skin. Karlie realizes she's never seen Taylor blush, not even in the cold. And in the two times they touched, Taylor's skin felt like ice. Karlie vividly remembers Taylor's hand against her cheek, so cold it was as if she had immersed it in snow and left it there for a while before touching her.And then there's the issue with the Quileutes not wanting the Cullens on the reservation. Maybe whatever Taylor is, her entire family is too. Maybe the reason why Taylor keeps saying she's dangerous is because she can be.There's no point in thinking about this now. I can drive myself crazy, but it won't get me anywhere. I'll find Jacob and get him to tell me everything. She tosses and turns in bed for what feels like ages, replaying every single interaction she ever had with Taylor until exhaustion finally takes over. As she drifts off, her last thought is clear and full of longing:
No matter what happens, I don't want to be far from her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
As if sensing he had been on her thoughts, Jacob Black arrives at Karlie's house early the next morning, sitting behind the wheel of her truck.The tall girl wakes up earlier than usual, her stomach buzzing with anxiety. She spends twenty minutes agonizing over an outfit, only to end up in her usual jeans and a plain white sweater. She puts on red lipstick, then wipes it off in frustration, hating how flushed and vulnerable she looks. Pouring milk over her cereal, she watches as her truck pulls into the driveway, its once-shattered window now fixed and gleaming in the soft morning light.It's done. She won't need rides from Taylor anymore. She won't get to talk to her today, won't get to be with her. The thought sinks in, hollow and sharp, stealing her breath. She pushes her cereal away; the sweet smell feels like too much, cloying and unbearable.Charlie is upstairs, so she goes to meet Jacob alone. Her face must be betraying her, because he notices her sour mood immediately, his brows furrowing in concern."Hey, kid," she says, trying to sound better than she feels. "Do you have a license to drive that?""'Thank you, Jacob, for fixing my truck
free of charge
and bringing it back to me,'" he mimics her voice playfully, and she chuckles despite herself. "Why, you're welcome, Karlie."She rolls her eyes as he gets out of the driver's seat to give her a friendly hug. He's tall and warm, and somehow looks even more like an adult than the last time Karlie saw him."Yeah, thanks, big guy," she says, pushing his shoulder. "Do you want to come in and have some cereal? I wish I had something more interesting to offer but I'm too lazy to make anything else.""Cereal sounds nice," he replies with a smile.They both step inside, and Jacob quickly fills the kitchen with his warmth and humor. He starts making jokes about how his father and Charlie are always bickering like two old ladies, his laughter echoing off the walls and easing the tension in Karlie's chest.Jacob devours two full bowls of cereal just as Karlie is finishing hers. Charlie greets them with a wave before hurrying out the door for work. He has been quite busy the last few days, and Karlie tries not to be too worried. Her dad's job isn't usually the source of her anxieties; this is a small town, and there typically isn't much action. But if he was gone for so long last night and is rushing in today, that animal attack thing is probably a big deal."Jake, how are you going to get to class? Do you need me to drop you off?" she asks as she quickly washes the dishes they used.If he needs her to drop him off, they have to leave right away, and Karlie won't have a chance to wait for Taylor—no chance to talk, explain, or even meet her eyes for just a moment. I don't have her phone number, Karlie realizes. Their relationship feels so distant, so unreal, she can't even picture what her voice would sound like over the phone."If you can," he says with a shrug, a hint of apology in his voice. "But I can skip first period; it's not a big deal.""Of course it is," Karlie shakes her head. "C'mon, or else I'll be late, too."As Karlie grabs her bag from the couch, she remembers the coat draped over her studying chair upstairs and decides to get it. She can't leave that thing in her room; it's still filled with Taylor's scent—lavender and all-consuming, so clear and vivid. She needs to get rid of it, give it back to her.Just as the thought crosses her mind, Karlie hears the soft hush of a car nearby. She moves towards her bedroom window and catches a glimpse of the black Volvo as it disappears down the street. Taylor must have seen her truck in the driveway and simply left. Karlie sighs and shakes her head.
It's typical of her. Did she even consider coming inside to greet me?
The one thing Karlie has learned over this past week is that Taylor only shows up when she wants to and that only heightens her anxiety—the idea that the blonde might vanish at any moment, that none of this is real, and that she could leave just as she did after Karlie's first day in Forks.She tries not to linger on it, reminding herself that Taylor will be at school, going about her day.
I'll see her at lunch. I'll return the coat.
And this is good—having Jacob here. She'll have about twenty minutes in the car with him, giving her the chance to ask all the questions she had been meaning to, even sooner than had she anticipated; if he knows anything at all or is willing to share.They get into the car and start driving, but it feels a bit strange to Karlie. It just seems wrong, as if she should have stayed and waited, despite having seen Taylor's car drive by and knowing she wouldn't come. She lets out a small sigh and makes an effort to fully engage in conversation with Jacob."So, do you know how Leah's doing?" She doesn't know how else to start."She's bitter and even more annoying than usual," he complains. "She always leaves when Sam is around. And Sam is always around my dad.""Oh," Karlie senses the subject of Sam is full of potential. "Why is that?""My dad is a tribal elder, and I suppose Sam is all about that stuff now. He's always coming by the house, always attending the meetings—Sue too. They didn't used to do this so often, but now it feels like it's almost every week."
Meetings?
"What do they talk about?""Beats me. It's probably all about their legends and protecting the tribe from non-existent threats that only they believe in. They even got Charlie to join one," he says, letting out a throaty laugh. "He walked out cursing my old man. They're always bickering about this ever since the police got involved one time and Sam almost got arrested."Karlie can hardly believe how easy it is to talk to Jacob. She feels almost incredulous that she's managing to guide the conversation toward the subject of Taylor without even trying. She has an inkling of what the incident with Sam might be, and the thought sends a ripple of anxiety through her. Whatever Leah knows, Jacob cleary knows as well—and so does his dad and Sue, both of whom hold significant influence in their community."Wait, what did Sam do?" She makes an effort to sound casual, keeping her tone light even as her mind races, hoping her nonchalance will encourage him to share more without feeling pressured."Do you really want to get into that?" he asks, his voice laced with frustration, though the innocent smile on his lips suggests he doesn't take it too seriously. "He got into a fight with a girl or something—almost, anyway. Then he cheats on Leah, and she tells everyone. It turns into a whole thing. Girls gossip, you know? And my dad is always acting like everything about Sam is the most serious thing in the world.""What do you mean, he almost hit a girl?""No, no," he shakes his hands, his gestures as expressive as ever. "He didn't hit her—I didn't say that right. They had...an altercation, and the police were called. That's why Charlie ended up at one of their crazy meetings; they wanted to explain everything.""What was their explanation?" Karlie breathes in deeply, doing her best to play this right."Well, that's—that's a long story," he says, sounding hesitant for a moment. "Actually, I'm not sure I should be talking about this with you."He chuckles, and Karlie fights to suppress her nervousness, her palms sweating against the steering wheel."Ah, come on, Jake," she groans, feigning curiosity. "You can't leave it at that! I promise I won't tell anyone.""Leah will eat my liver if she finds out," he points out. "She really believes in all that stuff.""I won't tell her," Karlie says, glancing over at him with pleading eyes. "I swear!
I'm just curious."He looks at Karlie with a small smile and warm, accepting eyes, as if he wants to share the story just to give her something."Okay, fine," he relents and Karlie senses this will be quite easy. "It's all pretty stupid, really."The tall girl exhales slowly, her gaze fixed on the road ahead, but her heart is pounding in her chest. She's on the verge of finding out what Leah has been keeping from her, and the uncertainty of it all fills her with apprehension. Deep down, she feels she should already know the truth, but everything still hangs out of her reach, and she's terribly nervous to hear the actual the words."Do you like scary stories?" Jacob asks, his voice taking on a playful, ominous tone."Love them," Karlie replies with exaggerated, fake enthusiasm."So, the girl Sam almost had a fight with was one of the Cullens. You probably know them from your school," he says, lowering his tone, still trying to sound mysterious. This time, Karlie feels a genuine wave of worry; and deep down, she knows she's a little scared, even if she can't admit it."Sure, Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family," she replies, playing along as the clueless listener."Everything happened because they're not supposed to come to the rez," he shakes his head, laughing now, skeptical about it. "And the Cullen girl came to First Beach. Sam found her and wanted to physically throw her out.""What?
Why?" This time she can't hide the emotion in her tone, but Jacob doesn't seem to notice."Uh—how do I begin?" he sighs, running a hand through his long hair. "Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from—the Quileutes, I mean?""Not really," Karlie shyly admits."Well, there are tons of legends about how our tribe has survived over the centuries. Some say we descended from wolves, and that the wolves are still our brothers, stuff like that," he smiles, clearly not taking any of it too seriously. "And then there are the stories about the cold ones.""The cold ones?" Karlie breathes in deeply."Apparently, my great-grandfather knew a few of them. The legend says he was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land," he rolls his eyes."Your
great-grandfather?""Yep. He was a tribal elder, like my dad. The stories all connect because the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolves—well, not wolves in general, but the ones that turn into men, like our ancestors. I guess you'd call them werewolves.""Werewolves?""Yeah, werewolves," he scoffs a little.Before Karlie can fully process what she's hearing, Jacob continues:"So you see," Jacob continues, "the cold ones are, like, our traditional enemies—enemies of the tribe and all that. But this pack that showed up during my great-grandfather's time was different. They didn't hunt like the others; they weren't supposed to be dangerous. So my great-grandfather made a treaty with them: if they stayed out of the rez, we wouldn't expose them.""What do you mean, they didn't
hunt
like the others?""They claimed they didn't prey on humans."A shiver runs down Karlie's arm at the mention of the word "prey.""And according to the legend, they can mess with your head and make you make decisions you don't want to make. So, some people still question my great-grandfather's call to this day, which somehow still hangs by a thread. That's why Sam was so quick to find a reason to almost get into a fight with the Cullen girl.""Wait, I don't understand," Karlie furrows her brows. "Why would your great-grandfather's treaty apply to the Cullens? Are they like the cold ones he met back then?""No," he pauses dramatically. "They are the
same
ones."If Karlie's hands weren't gripping the steering wheel, she's certain they'd be shaking. She glances over at him in shock, and he seems satisfied that his scary story has rattled her. Her heart races, pounding in her chest and in her ears. She glances at Taylor's jacket, which she had put in the backseat, and swallows hard."There are more of them now. The girl who trespassed is probably the youngest—according to them, she didn't know about the treaty. Sam says they were looking for an excuse to get around it, that the new ones want to hunt here.""You keep saying... uh—they
hunt," she bites her lip, trying to downplay it all in her mind."Well, yeah," he replies as if it's obvious. "Even the most civilized of them is extremely dangerous to humans.""So, they are not...human?""No," he says, looking puzzled now, a bit incredulous that Karlie still hasn't figured it out. As they drive through the reservation, he starts guiding her through the streets toward his high school. This gives Karlie a moment to breathe and try to focus on something other than the fear building in her chest."So..." Karlie starts. "What
are
they?""Blood drinkers," he says casually. "Vampires."Karlie continues to look forward as the word penetrates her thoughts like a knife, tearing its way in and clearing away every doubt she ever had. It's strange, the calmness she feels, as if she had been holding her breath for the longest time and can finally breathe in without the fear of drowning."Geez, did I scare you too much?" Jacob says, sounding guilty. "No wonder my dad doesn't want us talking about it with anyone.""No, I just—" he points toward his school building to signal where Karlie should park. "It took me a minute to get there. That's not what I thought you were going to say.""Where did you think the story was going?" He nudges her arm playfully, and she attempts a smile."I don't know," she admits; it's the truth."Seriously, though, don't say anything to anyone. Especially not Leah or her mother. Or even Charlie. He was pretty mad at my dad when he found out that some of us weren't going to the hospital since Dr. Cullen started working there.""I won't, I promise."Karlie parks and he gets out of the car, maintaining his calm and happy demeanor, treating the conversation like a little scary story—completely harmless, which it was for him. But for Karlie, it changed everything."Sorry if I made you late," he says, waving casually as he steps onto the pavement. "See you around?""Yeah, I want to hear more of those legends," she forces a fake smile. Jacob walks toward his class, his figure receding as he blends into the crowd of students. Once he's out of sight, Karlie takes a deep breath and starts driving back.She can't concentrate. Just like the night before, her mind replays every interaction with Taylor, like a film reel on repeat. Of course, she's not stupid. She noticed things, little details that stood out, yet she never connected the dots. But now, after hearing Jacob's story, it doesn't feel like
just a story. Why would Leah believe it, unless they had some kind of proof? And the adults—why would they believe?Karlie had seen proof herself. She saw Taylor change her dad's mind the night before, and that wasn't the first time. She reminds herself again she'd never seen Taylor eat, never seen her blush. And the Cullens—they always looked different, from the very first moment she saw them.Her mind is so full, she can't focus on any one thing. She tries to sort through it all, to make sense of what knowing this actually means—for her feelings, for what in fact happened between her and the blonde.
Taylor has never harmed me.
And Jacob's great-grandfather made a treaty with them, so they must be different.
Different from what, though?
Her thoughts spiral as she wonders how many more
cold ones
are out there, ones who aren't bound by treaties, who might actually be dangerous. The idea freaks her out so badly that she has to pull over to the side of the road, her hands trembling.Jacob's words echo in her mind:
Even the most civilized of them is extremely dangerous to humans.
Karlie lowers her head onto the steering wheel, her pulse racing.
No, no, no! She never hurt me. She saved me.After a moment, she stops and catches her reflection in the car mirror. She stares at herself, completely incredulous.
I can't be believing this, can I? Oh, my God. Vampires! I have finally lost my mind.She inhales deeply, filling her lungs with air, and starts driving again.
Just breathe. She grips the wheel, steadying herself enough to keep going.
I know I've seen a lot of things that don't make any fucking sense, but there has to be a rational explanation for all of this. Think about it from a clear, logical point of view.
Think as if I were anyone else but me. Would I believe Jacob?The answer comes quickly:
no.
It's a silly, morbid story, crafted to scare little kids.
But what, then?
She can't explain how she's still alive without considering that the Cullens might be something other than human. She would've died on Monday, when that van came at her like a magnet. And last night? If Taylor hadn't been there, she doesn't even want to think about what could have happened.
But could the Cullens be vampires?
Well, they are
something. They are not human—that much she can fully grasp. Taylor Cullen is not human; she's something more. Karlie inventories everything she knows about her in her mind: speed, mind control, black eyes, pale skin.
She also told me herself, repeatedly, that she's dangerous.Karlie then starts to think about everything she actually knows about vampires. Besides the blood drinking, they're supposed to be harmed by daylight, sleep in coffins, and turn into bats. But Jacob's story didn't involve any of that. He implied they were immortal—Karlie shivers at the thought—and the Cullens, specifically, didn't hunt humans. Nothing else.
Maybe he said vampires because he doesn't have another word for it. And if I can believe they aren't human, I have to believe they are something, don't I?
If Taylor is a vampire—the words make Karlie's brain ache, and she wants to laugh at how ridiculous the phrase sounds—then what am I going to do?Involving anyone else in this isn't an option. She sounds insane even to herself; anyone she tells will either have her committed or laugh at her face. So, it seems Karlie has only two options: do what Taylor asked and stay away from her, for real this time. She doesn't need rides anymore, and the only place they'd have to interact would be in biology class. But Karlie doesn't have to engage. She can pretend there's a thick glass between them and wait until the school year ends, when she'll go back to Phoenix. Then she'll never see her again, never know if the legend is true, but at least she'll be...safe.The idea is so sickening, even more so than thinking about anything involving the nature of a blood-sucking creature. It's not that the concept doesn't freak her out or make her skin crawl—it's just that it's
Taylor. Karlie can't simply picture her as anything else other than
good. Could she really be dangerous? Could she truly have meant what she said?The other option would be to simply act like nothing is wrong. She wouldn't have to pretend to believe or disbelieve—she could just take everything into consideration but not do anything about it. Her relationship with Taylor is practically beyond her comprehension, anyway. Even though they technically agreed to be friends the night before, it still doesn't feel clear. Everything points to something more, from Taylor saying she wanted to be around her to making an effort to do so. Putting the whole vampire story aside, the truth is Karlie can't stand the idea of not having her around.
I can't ignore it. But I also can't ignore her.
She pushes every thought aside and focuses on the evidence that matters most: Taylor has done nothing to make Karlie afraid. She's saved her more than once. She can be stubborn and occasionally mean, and hell, Karlie knows she can be intimidating if she wants to be, but...
Saving me was more than just a reflex. And if it was a reflex, especially the first time, that only proves how good she really is.
She wants to be around me, and she saved me.
Karlie can run circles in her mind, but ultimately, this is what she holds onto. She knows she's not insane, and that's good enough for now. She still feels on edge, but what else can she do?She's late to class and receives a warning for the first time in her life. It gets even worse because she feels like she can't retain anything, knowing Taylor is in the building and her coat is in her truck. The thought that she has an excuse to talk to the blonde is overwhelming, and Karlie wonders if she'll fear her once she looks into her eyes, after all she had heard. She won't confront her about it; she barely even has the courage to say hello.The school day drags on, and Karlie does everything in her power to take good notes so she can study later. An imaginary clock keeps ticking in her mind, waiting for lunch, aching to see her, and the fear she felt earlier—that Taylor might disappear—returns.She'll be at the cafeteria with her family, Karlie reassures herself internally.Finally, the time comes. She almost runs through the halls to get in line for food, but the Cullens aren't at their table yet. Her friends join her in line, bombarding her with questions—of course, they didn't forget what happened the night before and won't let it go so easily. They whisper to her so the people around won't hear, but Karlie remains completely silent, not answering a single question."Start spilling, or else I swear to God," Derek says when they sit down at their usual table. That happens to be the exact moment Taylor walks into the room, and Karlie is completely taken by the sight of her. She doesn't look at the blonde directly, blushing profusely as she focuses on eating her sandwich."Karlie? Oh my God!" Lorde exclaims in frustration. "Stop with the silent treatment, please!""I'm trying to eat," she finally says in a disapproving tone.They continue talking around her, groaning in frustration when she refuses to give them anything. She's not in the mood to create a story for them; she'll have to do that later, but right now she simply can't. Taylor is in the room, and all Karlie wants is to go and find her."Holy shit, she's sitting alone today," Derek says, staring over Karlie's back. Karlie feels too weak not to turn and look.Following the direction of his gaze, she finds Taylor staring at her from an empty table across the cafeteria from where her family usually sits. Once she catches Karlie's eye, she raises one hand and motions with her index finger for her to join.Her eyes don't scare Karlie.
She's not scary. She's good, she's a good person and she saved me.Taylor seems amused, a hint of a smile playing on her lips, and Karlie rises from her seat almost automatically."I should go see what she wants," she tells her friends, her one-track mind focused solely on the desire to be near Taylor. They stare at her in complete disbelief.
She's good. She saved me. I'll be okay.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
Since she was turned, Taylor doesn't fear the darkness.It's actually warmer, safer, and better than daylight; it's as if her very blood knows this is where she belongs. Days are washed-out and brittle compared to her nights—always so raw, unflinching, alive. In the night, she doesn't have to hide; it strips away layers, burrowing into her bones, into her stomach, settling there with the weight of her reality. In the night, her worries find clarity, brought forward like an offering. The night tells her who she is.And tonight, Taylor is a vampire feeding on a mountain lion deep in the forest, a scene so absurd it almost makes her laugh.The blood tastes earthy, almost swampy—not entirely unpleasant, but a poor imitation of human blood. When she finishes, a hollow ache in her throat remains, an unfulfilled craving, leaving her even more restless. She feels it already—her thirst stretching across her emotions, knotting together her needs and desires, just as it did in those frantic, violent days as a newborn. Back then, every instinct urged her to kill.Now, she clenches her fists, fighting down the voice inside her head that tells her to find a warm neck to nuzzle into. She's promised herself she'll endure, that she'll stick to animal blood until she can finally make the decision to go to Italy. But she knows what will happen if her control wavers, if she gets too empty, too reckless.And the first human she'll likely see is Karlie.It's starting to feel very foolish, this self-imposed restraint. She can still taste the mountain lion's blood on her tongue, muddy and thick. Her stomach twists.
Focus.
I have to believe I can do this. If Jasper can resist, so can I.At least it's a fun hunt. With humans, she never has to try—they give in so quickly, no struggle, no thrill. Vampires are predators of the most sophisticated kind; the chase is exhilarating.Finding an animal big enough to fill her takes practically all night. She has to slip deep into the forest, moving in silence, waiting, listening. The sun is fully out when she finally returns to the cottage. She isn't even truly thirsty yet—she could go a full month before she'd have to feed again. But if she's giving up human blood, she has to start the transition now. Ease into it (it won't be easy).She showers and brushes her teeth—the mint toothpaste tastes strange, almost like rubber or plastic. Everything human has its own flavor of unpleasantness now. But she'll have to interact with Karlie soon and the last thing she wants is to somehow make herself even more repelling than she already is.Throughout the night, she finds herself accepting the idea of being Karlie's friend—or at least, that she'll
try
to be. She weighs her options. Considering how insistent Karlie is, keeping her close is necessary. And her original plan was always to build resistance to the pull of the spell, like strengthening an immune system. She needs the exposure, and
friendship...Well, it would be easier not to be so tense around her all the time.But she can't truly relax, either—not now, not with this new diet. Every movement has to be measured, every instinct restrained, keeping as much distance as she can manage. But it's not a stretch from what she already needs; Karlie has seen her eyes, knows about the compulsion. Ignoring it isn't an option.
If only I could erase those memories from her mind...
The girl is too stubborn, the type who won't let things go, no matter what she promises. Taylor knows, in that regard, she's lying.She's already bracing herself for the possibility that Karlie might uncover the truth. The girl is friends with the wolves, and Taylor can't stop her from talking to them. She can't step onto the reservation, can't risk breaking the treaty.Her plan, if Karlie stumbles upon the specifics, is simple: deny, deny, deny.And if Karlie can't let it go, if she draws attention to herself, and if Taylor ever feels the Volturi closing in—well, she'll get her into a car and drive straight to the Denalis. She'll have Dianna compel the memories out of her. After all, Dianna owes her for all the suffering she caused, all the soulmate drama, yadda, yadda.Why doesn't she just do that now and leave? The bond won't let her. It's infuriating, how she can actually feel it—physically and mentally—binding her to the girl. It's a constant pressure, like an invisible chain. But not for long. Not as long as she has the will to fight it.She doesn't try to look impressive this morning. Just slips into a plain sweater and jeans, leaves her face bare. It's not like the look from yesterday made any impression, so why bother going the extra mile?She finishes her homework in ten minutes. The Cullens can't have bad grades, bad attendance, or any slip-ups at school—it would draw too much attention and she already missed class the day before. So she does it, like it's part of the job. And, as always, it's unpaid and not worth it.When she finishes, it's the perfect time to pick up Karlie—just as she promised. She tells herself this ride is part of their friendship, and anything about the friendship should align with her agenda. So, she's not in a bad mood, though she's still tense. Being in close quarters with Karlie is never easy. But now that she has a plan for at least the main disaster scenarios, her anxiety is placated, and she doesn't feel as awful as she did the day before.That quickly changes.She senses the disgusting, wet, earthy smell of a werewolf—very young, maybe not even fully turned yet—miles before she reaches Karlie's house. As she passes by, she spots the girl's truck in the driveway, hears Karlie rifling through something in her room, and catches sight of a quiet boy in the kitchen through the window. Anger and disgust surge through her, her body tensing with the urge to act. It's for the best, though, that her automatic reaction is to keep driving. Karlie doesn't need the ride, and Taylor can't bear the thought of what they might be discussing. The idea of that mindless child telling everything to Karlie, breaking a treaty that's already hanging by a thread, just so he can seem cool, or whatever the fuck...She stops breathing until she's far enough away that the stench of him fades. Only then, when she reaches the school, she lets out a slow breath and begins searching for her family. This is important. They need to know. Selena can't predict anything when it comes to wolves, and Edward won't be close enough to read his mind. She can't be sure whether he has told Karlie or is planning to, but her family has to be prepared, just in case."Okay, I'm listening," she hears Edward's voice as soon as she steps into the building. She doesn't want to see him, though, so she retreats into an empty classroom, pacing as she speaks to him through her thoughts.She shows him the boy, recalling the smell, and wrinkles her nose in disgust.
Just letting you know this kid could be breaking the treaty.
"Are you going to contextualize?"
No. Leave me alone. Just warning you so the family knows.
She can hear his tired sigh, even from where she stands, cutting through the noise of the surrounding human voices."Will you need Jasper's help today? He was worried, you didn't show yesterday..."
Uh, not for now. Tell him thanks, but I don't think the whole emotion thing was working all that well.
She could talk to him if she ever felt the need, but last night proved she was capable of fighting through her anger and bloodlust without harming Karlie. It gave her more confidence in her ability to hold back, but with a vampire, nothing is guaranteed—and she will be thirsty soon. No possibility should be erased, and knowing she can count on him is better than the alternative. She sighs.
Just tell him not for now.
"Fine."
And stay out of my head, if you can help it.
For that, she gets no response.-She drags herself through the day, in her usual blend of crankiness, anxiety, and restlessness. The hours crawl by, each one heavier than the last, and all she can think about is the quiet certainty that Karlie might look at her differently at lunch.
She might know.
The boy could've told her.And if Karlie knows...then what? Is she disgusted? What if fear replaces that gorgeous, defiant spark in her eyes? Would she be terrified? Or worse, would she breaks her promise, seeking someone to tell just so she could escape the weight of the truth?
Stop freaking out. If she asks, deny. If she looks scared, pretend to be confused. If she tells people, compel them.
She purposely waits a moment before heading to the cafeteria, wanting to see Karlie before she sees her. But as she walks in, the girl's not facing the entrance and Taylor can't see her eyes. She focuses on her heartbeat—it's quick, erratic. Taylor glances over at her family's table, feeling the weight of their stares; it makes her skin prickle. In that moment, she decides not to sit with them and try to escape their judgment, or pity, or whatever it is.She grabs some food to keep up appearances and makes her way to an empty table in the corner. She knows no one will come near her, but she can hear the humans talking about her under their breath and looking at her direction. She just picks at the food for a moment, pretending to eat. That's when she feels it—a different gaze, one she knows so well. She breathes in and glances up, and there's Karlie, finally looking her way.She looks curious. Surprised, hesitant. But not scared. Her heartbeat quickens even more once their eyes lock, and Taylor smiles, trying to hide her own fear that the girl's nervous because she's terrified and is trying to hide it. She gestures for her to come near with nonchalance—or at least she tries not to seem too affected. She has to speak to her, figure out what's on her mind, and if she found out."I should go see what she wants," Karlie tells her friends. From what Taylor could gather from their conversation, they were asking questions about the day before, and Karlie was refusing to answer. She sounds annoyed as she speaks.But she does walks over, tall and tan, brown hair falling over her shoulders, a deep blush coloring her cheeks. Taylor forces herself to look past how striking she is, to keep her thoughts steady and free of anything resembling attraction. Her mind isn't a safe place for that—not now, not ever—and she knows how dangerous it can all quickly become.Thirst makes her cravings blur together: bloodlust, desire, attraction, all of it swirling in a maddening blend. It was harder in the beginning, of course, but that's just the nature of being a vampire, and since human blood isn't an option for her now, it'll be harder to control. So she can't let herself think of Karlie in that way. It would be reckless, even counterproductive—she could never give in, not even if she was disciplined enough (which she is not). Her goal is to escape the mating bond, not fall deeper into it.The girl stops in front of her table, brows furrowed, a warmth radiating from her presence. Taylor looks up at her, keeping a small smile carefully in place."Hey," she says, her voice soft. Karlie nods once, her jaw set, her expression tense. "Do you want to sit with me today?""Uh—I..." She hesitates, struggling with her words. "Yea—okay."She sits directly in front of Taylor, as if they're in an interrogation room, which amuses the vampire to no end. Karlie looks around for a moment, her gaze flicking nervously before she lets out a chuckle."Everybody's looking at us."Taylor plays with the lid of a bottle of Coke, her fingers twisting it absentmindedly. Karlie watches her quietly."Do you care?" Taylor asks, not paying people any mind."A little," Karlie admits with a sigh. "I promised a friend I would... keep to myself."
What the hell does she mean by that?
"I'm sorry," Taylor looks down at her hands. "If you want to go back to your friends...""It's—nevermind," the human brushes it off.Silence stretches between them as Taylor stares into Karlie's eyes, searching for any hint of recognition, any flicker of awareness that wasn't there before. After a moment, the vampire decides nervousness is all there is; nothing less, nothing more."Why didn't you come to pick me up earlier?" The human asks in a small voice."I was going to, but when I was passing by your driveway, I saw your truck," Taylor smiles apologetically, trying to sound casual. If she's being honest, she left mostly because of the werewolf.Karlie nods with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes."No more bothering you for rides," the human says, lowering her head."That is, until that thing breaks down again," Taylor teases, hoping to lighten the mood.Karlie scoffs, raising her brows."Your stupid Volvo will break before my truck does."Taylor quietly giggles, the sound genuine, as she idly continues to toy with the bottle cap. Karlie tilts her head, watching her with a curious gaze."You're in a good mood today," she observes quietly."Eh..." Taylor grimaces. Good mood might be a stretch—she's terribly worried, terribly anxious, and scared down to her bones. But at least, she reminds herself, she has a plan."In a
better
mood," the girl corrects with a roll of her eyes.Taylor simply shrugs. She's trying to be a friend—this is her
trying, awkward as it might be. And, surprisingly, it isn't bad. In fact, it feels way too satisfying for her own good."If I invite you to the dance now, will you say yes?" Karlie asks, her cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of red.It's Taylor's turn to roll her eyes.
Why is she fixated on this if she's supposed to "keep to herself"?
She notices the empty space in front of Karlie, she didn't bring a tray with her. So, she nudges her own tray—filled with a random assortment of human food—toward her."Eat something," she suggests, avoiding the subject. She can't talk about it because she'll want to say yes and she absolutely cannot. The idea of going to a dance together, even under the pretense of joining her group of human friends, is far beyond what Taylor can handle. It's too much, too close to anything but platonic.Karlie's heartbeat quickens, and Taylor listens closely, intrigued by the spike of nervousness."Aren't
you
going to eat anything?" Karlie asks, her voice a bit unsteady.
Now I'll have to, won't I?
Taylor grabs a sandwich from the tray and takes a couple of bites, feeling Karlie's gaze fixed on her, studying her every movement with an unreadable expression. The vampire continues eating, fully aware that her stomach will rebel later, forcing it all back up in a pool of dark vomit.Karlie takes a bite of a slice of pizza and exhales, seeming to calm down a little. Taylor sets the sandwich down and takes a sip of Coke, mostly because it seems like the normal thing to do. The taste is almost radioactive. Alcohol, she knows, passes through her system—making her need to pee, annoyingly enough—but she's never tried drinking anything else. So this Coke might make her need a bathroom trip, too.
Great."Do you want to come over later?" Karlie asks, and Taylor bites her lip, trying to hide her surprise. "It—I have a lot of homework to do. I could use some help. And you're like the top of our class.""From
chauffeur
to tutor, huh?" Taylor jokes, holding back every feeling wanting to explode inside her chest."Friends do this, you know?" Karlie teases, a playful glint in her eyes. "I'm being friendly.""Oh, me too," Taylor points out. "I shared my lunch with you and everything.""Very friendly indeed," Karlie agrees, taking another bite of pizza. "Though, I'm not sure why you'd want all of this food for yourself."Taylor glances at the overflowing tray, realizing she might've gone overboard—cake, juice, chips, a couple of cookies, and even a small salad."I got some for you," she lies smoothly.Karlie's eyes widen in surprise."Okay, you win at the friendship thing," Karlie sighs in mock defeat, and Taylor can't help but smile. "It's not fair. You have to let me have one."Taylor raises an eyebrow, pushing away the thought that maybe Karlie has ulterior motives for inviting her over—motives she can't quite name, but there's something odd in the girl's insistence. This isn't how they usually are with each other."I feel like me tutoring you would add more points for me, not for you," Taylor says."I'll cook for you," Karlie offers.Taylor's stomach twists in disgust.
No. No more human food."Do you even know how to cook?" Taylor challenges, knowing most teenagers aren't exactly pros in the kitchen."Not really," Karlie admits with a sigh."I don't think poisoning me would be very friendly," Taylor grins."Alright, I have nothing to offer," Karlie says, rolling her eyes and raising her hands in playful defeat. "Come anyway?"Taylor softens at Karlie's sweet tone and that beautiful half-smile, all blushing cheeks and flushed lips, so gorgeous, so alive. This is a good thing, she reminds herself—keeping her close, making sure she doesn't know. And if she does know, Taylor needs to be there to do damage control. Being at her house again, surrounded by her things, will be hard enough, but it has to be helpful. It has to make her stronger to fight it. Every moment spent near Karlie, every step closer, is a risk, but it's the only way—facing it head-on, making herself endure it, until the bond weakens."I'll be there," Taylor says, feeling Edward pass by behind her, knowing that means the bell will ring soon. She gets up as well. "I'll see you later then."She starts walking away, but then hears Karlie call for her."Taylor, what the hell am I supposed to do with all this food?"Taylor giggles quietly under her breath, shaking her head as she heads toward the exit. Just as she steps out of the cafeteria, the bell rings.-The interaction leaves Taylor even more hyperactive than before. Her mind keeps coming up with scenarios for why Karlie wants her in her house, why the sudden invitation? What does she know? What did her wolf friend tell her?She keeps replaying every line in a loop, trying to decipher the girl. She said she promised a friend she would "keep to herself." Taylor thinks that it couldn't possibly be any of her human friends. Maybe the wolf warned about the Cullens being dangerous but wasn't specific. Maybe Taylor is still in the clear.This "being friends" thing makes things much more tangled. Because this lunch interaction was probably the nicest she's ever been to Karlie, the least tense, more normal. Karlie probably felt whiplash from it. All the mood changes are very vampiric, and Taylor has learned to manage things over the years, but for a human, she must seem insane.It wasn't that she was in a better mood, per se, but she did change her attitude a bit. Because they were in public, and because it is, indeed, what friends do.Taylor sits in class overthinking when she hears Edward's voice call her name. She acknowledges him, grudgingly, but there's a tension in his tone that catches her attention."Do not go to her house today."Her mind jolts in surprise. If her heart could beat, it would be racing.
Why not?
"There will be blood. She will hurt herself."Taylor closes her eyes for a moment, fighting the urge to lash out. Her frustration builds, a knot in her chest.
On purpose?
"I'm not sure. Selena is having a hard time seeing her."She's been hanging around werewolves."Yes, I gathered that," he says, annoyed.
What was she thinking earlier, Edward? Does she know?
"...I don't know."
So she wasn't thinking anything specific?
"No, I—" He exhales sharply. "I didn't tell you this before because I didn't want to freak you out, but... I can't read her thoughts."
What?
This time, Taylor drops her head fully into her hands, trying to appear simply exhausted, rather than on the verge of losing her mind. She doesn't want to attract any unwanted attention from the humans around her."I don't know if it's something wrong with her, or with me. I don't know. Ever since she arrived, her mind has been blank to me."
Has this ever happened before?
"No," he falls silent for a moment. "Don't overthink that. Let me overthink it."
Tell me what the vision was. Do I hurt her?
"Taylor, just
don't go."
I will hurt her, won't I?
He hesitates for a moment before saying:"You will drink from her," he pauses. "From what I could tell, you don't stop."
Oh my God.
"Taylor, this will not happen now that I'm telling you. Focus on that."
I thought that... I thought I was strong enough. Yesterday...
"Does she smell...special to you?"
Not really. Not any different than most humans.
"But when you touched her, it triggered your bloodlust. I remember."
It was the closest I came to... But I thought, I don't know... Yesterday, I think I killed four people, Edward.
She shows him images from the night before—the things she told the two men, how dangerous she felt inside the car with Karlie, how, in the heat of the moment, she wanted to turn back and make sure they were dead."They might still be alive," is all he says.
And now I could kill her. Not only could, but would, given the chance.
"You won't. Taylor, listen to me—"She raises her hand, asking softly to be excused to go to the bathroom, then leaves the room. At first, she moves in slow, deliberate human steps, but as soon as she's out of sight, she shifts into a blur, running at her usual speed. She bursts out of the school, her feet hitting the damp earth, and finds a secluded spot deep in the woods. There, she kneels, retching violently, the remnants of the food she had forced herself to eat earlier spilling onto the ground in a dark pool.The air around her shifts, and a familiar vampire scent stirs in her senses. The rain, now a torrential downpour, soaks through her clothes, clinging to her skin as she looks up and sees her sister approaching.Selena doesn't say anything. She simply grabs Taylor by the arm and pulls her into a tight hug. Taylor lets herself be held, burying her face into her sister's shoulder, crying and sobbing as the rain relentlessly hits her face."In the vision, you're caught by surprise," Selena explains softly, her voice barely audible over Taylor's sobs. "You don't see it coming. She cuts herself while cooking. And then she stumbles forward into you. There's a lot of blood. When you touch her, you're not yourself. Taylor, you wouldn't do this willingly."Taylor continues to cry, trying to force herself to believe her sister's words, but deep down, she knows this was always a looming danger, a fear she could never shake. Touching Karlie when there was no blood exposed had been a struggle already—just the slightest brush of her finger the night before had sent a rush through her entire body. Now what? How could she forget the very real danger she imposes on this girl, how could she walk around convinced her fragile plan could still work? The idea of drinking from Karlie lingers in her mind, twisted and haunting. It feels wrong, but it's undeniably delicious, and the thought makes her feel sick."I can't leave, Selena," she sobs, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I don't know how to anymore.""I know, honey," Selena murmurs, her tone soft and steady. "I know."Taylor wonders if she can't leave; maybe she can get death to come to her. Maybe it's a quick drive away, simple and on a cold beach, with wolf teeth digging in and ripping her head from her body. Maybe she'll think of Karlie then, and that will be the last thing she sees. The girl would be fine and Taylor could never hurt her. The thought provides the most comfort she's felt in weeks.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taylor's POV
She doesn't know how long she cries, how long the pit in her stomach keeps her from feeling anything but the pain. For a brief, fragile moment, she thought she could handle it. She even went hunting for animals, planned every detail in her mind as though it might make her strong enough. For a moment, she was almost sure she could trust herself. But, as always, that fragile assurance was torn away from her.Selena's vision only serves to remind her of the reality she can never escape. If Karlie's blood is ever exposed, Taylor knows she will kill her. Because she is a monster, unsatiable, and the nightmare she had of killing Karlie still lingers sweetly in the corners of her mind. It terrifies her. It tempts her. The electric energy between them is unbearable, making her certain Karlie's blood would taste like nothing else on earth. She fights the thought, tries to deny it, but the truth edges closer every moment. If her sister hadn't told her what would happen, Karlie would be dead by her hand.Eventually, Selena helps her stumble through the rain toward the cottage. They walk at a human's pace, the downpour soaking them both to the skin. Taylor tries to focus on the forest around them—the wet earth, the sound of her sister's breath, the steadying hand that presses gently against her back. But the distraction doesn't last. She feels herself slipping, sliding back to stage zero, where everything she fought so hard to believe in dissolves.She can't trust herself near Karlie again. And yet, all she
wants
is Karlie. The need claws at her, rakes over her body until it becomes a physical pain, an ache she can't soothe. Being apart from the human now hurts in ways she can't explain—her head pounds, her chest feels locked in place, her limbs heavy and useless. The particles of air around her press in, making it impossible to breathe.Now, after what she's learned, the plan she clung to is gone. She would hurt Karlie without a second thought. Karlie, so bright and alive, fiery and real, spilling light like the sun on everything around her. Karlie, who is raw and vivid and everything Taylor has ever wanted.The truth settles in Taylor's chest now: this feeling is hers. It is not the spell that binds them, nor its lingering influence. The spell may have brought them together, but it isn't responsible for what Taylor feels growing within her. It isn't simple, this unplatonic yearning, this alien and unrecognizable sensation that fills the empty parts of her. But it is hers. She knows that now, and the knowing breaks her even further.It's a tragedy, she thinks bitterly. What she will do to this girl—what she must do—is a tragedy of the cruelest kind. Because if she can't stay away, and if her presence will only lead to Karlie's death, then Karlie will be the last thing Taylor kills. And the ugliest truth is that some part of her knows she'll enjoy every second of it.The thought digs deep. It reveals her nature for what it is, black and unrelenting. Evil. She cannot escape it, no matter how fiercely she fights. Blood will prevail. Taylor will die with the taste of her in her mouth long before she ever gets to Italy.When they arrive at the cottage, Selena forces her into a bath. The water is warm—scalding by human standards—but it does nothing to thaw the icy feeling of dread in her chest. Selena sits at the edge of the tub, silent at first as Taylor's mind spirals. She begins to think of the ways it might happen, the ways she might kill Karlie, ways that could be...less painful.
If it must be done, it must be done quickly,
she decides. She cannot drag it out any longer now that she knows it is inevitable.She knows she could never leave Karlie completely alone. If she allowed the girl to live, she would never grow old in peace. Death would haunt her, lingering at the edges of every moment—a scratch, a paper cut, the barest spill of blood—and Taylor would be there, waiting to ruin her.It has to end, Taylor thinks.
Now. And quick.
Painless.
The plan forms with startling clarity. She will do it at the dance. It will be tragic—a rite of passage turned to death. Karlie will never grow old, never have a family, never see the world, never fully discover who she is. She will become a memory, fixed in time.
It's poetic, Taylor thinks bitterly, and the thought rips through her as she begins to cry again, her body trembling in Selena's steady presence."It's inevitable," she whispers."You are changing paths so quickly," Selena murmurs beside her, her voice soft with worry.Taylor doesn't respond. Maybe her family will stop her. Maybe they'll intervene, and Karlie will live a little longer. But wouldn't that be worse? Wouldn't it be crueller to give her months or years of hope, of imagining a future, only to snatch it away in an unguarded moment?"Would you kill me if I asked?" Taylor finally mumbles, her voice low and hollow. She turns to look at Selena, who stares back with a frown, tears brimming in her own eyes."I can't," Selena murmurs, her voice breaking."Will you kill me after I kill her?""No."Silence stretches between them, heavy and unbroken. Taylor takes it as confirmation. Her family won't interfere. They will let it happen. They will let her kill Karlie because there is no stopping what must be. The thought smothers the faint whisper of doubt buried deep within her mind."I don't know what to say," Selena whispers, pressing her fingertips to her temples. "I don't know how to get you out of this.""Kill me," Taylor asks again, knowing the request is futile."I can't!" Selena cries, her voice cracking with anguish. "How could you ever ask me that?""There is no other way," Taylor replies, her tone lifeless and resolute. "I will either kill her now or in two weeks, a month, a year. If all it takes is her blood to be spilled...""You won't do this willingly," Selena interrupts, shaking her head in denial. "You won't.""I don't see any other way.""Taylor,
for the love of God! My visions change all the time," she exclaims in frustration. "All you have to do is change your mind.""My mind was not set on killing her. Yet you saw me do it.""By accident! And it hasn't happened. And if you could just
think
for a moment—"Taylor lets herself sink beneath the surface of the scalding water, her body disappearing into its warmth. She closes her eyes, letting the muffled silence of the bath engulf her. She doesn't need to breathe, doesn't need to surface. She stays under, letting her thoughts swirl in the dark, just as turbulent as before.The monster in her head has latched onto the idea of killing Karlie with a newfound ferocity, and the depth of her despair only proves what she's always known: she is a slave to her vices, a creature ruled by her despicable, insatiable nature. It's disgusting. She's disgusting.But the voice of doubt in her subconcious begins to whisper again, and Taylor, desperate to escape the hell she has created, clings to it. The idea of getting herself killed by a wolf returns, growing stronger, clearer with every passing second. Slowly, carefully, she eases into the new plan, tracing its outline in her mind. It would be so easy. All she'd have to do is provoke one of them—anger them enough to trigger their transformation—and they'd take care of the rest.A wolf wouldn't hesitate. The rivalry between their kinds runs too deep; it's instinctual, unavoidable. Once transformed, they'd rip her apart. She wouldn't even have to fight back.Taylor wonders if it would hurt, if it would be quick. She decides it doesn't matter. She deserves the pain. She deserves suffering. She just spent hours imagining Karlie's death—how dare she?
How dare she even allow the thought to exist in her head?The idea of punishing herself becomes soothing, in its way. Let them tear her apart. She deserves no less. The wave of self-disgust hits her so hard it's almost physical. If there were anything left in her stomach, she's sure she'd vomit.The silence beneath the water offers some comfort. She begins to reshape her anger, turning it into fuel. She will do what has to be done. Better to let the wolves end her than to risk letting the monster inside her end Karlie's life. Even in her imagination, she's a threat. She can't allow that. She won't.Her focus sharpens as her resolve solidifies. The idea of killing Karlie at the dance becomes inconceivable, a nightmarish thought she banishes entirely. The wolf plan is perfect, and Taylor clings to it like a lifeline. By the time she finally resurfaces, the water cascading down her face, her mind is made up. There's no going back now.Selena is pacing the room, her head in her hands, her movements frantic. She whirls around as Taylor emerges, her eyes wide with panic."Taylor,
I can't see you anymore!" Selena drops to her knees beside the tub, grabbing Taylor's shoulders with desperate hands. "What are you doing?"Selena shakes her forcefully, water splashing over the edge of the tub. But Taylor, for the first time in hours, feels calm. A small smile curves her lips, almost involuntarily. Selena can't see the wolves in her visions, which means she won't be able to predict Taylor's actions. She won't be able to stop her.It gets better and better."I'm not going to kill her," Taylor says, her voice soft but steady. The words feel like an exhale, a release. "You're right.""What are you going to do?" Selena asks, her brows knitting together in worry. "I'm not letting you leave.""I'm not leaving now," Taylor replies, voice unfazed. Without waiting for a response, she sinks back into the water, the surface rippling before settling into calm.Submerged, Taylor allows her mind to quiet, her thoughts no longer consumed by her cravings or the distant, fading ghost of her dance massacre idea. Instead, she drifts into a meditative state, replaying her memories of Karlie like scenes from an old film reel. She avoids the bad moments—the instances when they touched too closely, the arguments that left Karlie in tears. Instead, she focuses on the pull of the girl's smile, the quick wit in her replies, the time she called out to Taylor in the school's parking lot, asking for a ride.Taylor lingers on Karlie's voice, clear and unshaken, saying, "I'm not scared." She replays it again and again, letting it settle in her mind. Her overactive, photographic memory breaks each scene into fragments until she selects her favorite moments—safe ones—and loops them endlessly. The repetition dulls the edges of her thoughts until only the feeling remains. It soothes her, grounding her in a rare stillness.At some point, sleep claims her, though it's not the kind of sleep she remembers from her human days. Her immortal body doesn't need breath, and the water holds her down, cradling her weight like an anchor. Time loses meaning. She doesn't know if Selena stays by her side or leaves, but she dreams—not of Karlie this time, but of things long buried.The dreams come in vivid clarity, much better than her own recollections. She's back in her old school's music room, the faint smell of varnish and sheet music filling the air. The piano keys are cool under her fingers as she plays, her old english teacher standing nearby. But instead of the hazy, muddled details she expects from her human memories, her mind fills in the gaps with unsettling precision. The room feels cold, almost sterile, as though her subconscious has stripped it down to its barest elements.The dream shifts. Now, she's watching herself from the outside. She sees Adam bending over her in a dark alley, feeding her his blood from a cut on his wrist. She watches as he breaks her neck with practiced ease and carries her lifeless body into a dingy motel room. The scene changes again, and she witnesses her first feed, the raw hunger that overtook her. She came so close to killing that human, but she somehow didn't do it. Adam had finished the job for her.The dreams (or memories) flow unbidden, one bleeding into the next. She sees her own hands in sunlight for the first time, gleaming crystalline and brilliant. She always thought exposing herself to humans would be her plan when she eventually went to the Volturi to die. But, needless to say, something always got in her way.When Taylor finally stirs, the water around her has long gone cold. She doesn't get out right away, instead letting her mind creep back to the present. She needs to get things into motion now, has to think of ways to escape her family. They won't let her leave easily, and Edward, if he's at the house, will make things worse. She hopes he isn't there, that her thoughts are still her own.She decides she'll have to run. Fighting them is an option, but not one she wants to consider unless it's necessary. If she can just make it to the reservation, she'll be done. The wolves won't let anyone cross the line without a fight.Running seems like the only real choice, and Taylor knows better than to waste time imagining other possibilities. A mind reader like Edward would make her hesitation a liability. She's faster and stronger than the others—her choice to drink human blood ensured that—but she's not foolish enough to think it'll be an easy escape.And yet, even as she steels herself, Karlie slips back into her thoughts. The memories she collected earlier make Taylor a bit calmer. She considers the risk of seeing Karlie one last time, knowing how dangerous her cravings are.There's only one way to make it safe—Selena. She can't see Taylor's future, but she might be able to see Karlie's. The visions might be blurred and fragmented, but Taylor doesn't need perfection. Just the endgame. She won't talk to Karlie, won't go near enough to risk everything. All she needs is a glimpse, a fleeting moment. One last look.And then she'll run. To First Beach. To whatever comes next.It seems her body doesn't need much else to accept the decision. She will be careful. She won't breathe. She will ask Selena to make sure. She will keep her distance.She finally gets out of the tub and dries her body, looking at the time—she slept for much more than 24 hours, and Selena is not at the house anymore. Her smell seems faint; she must have left earlier. It's nighttime and the school dance has probably already started. Taylor decides it's better this way—the more humans around, the less likely something will happen. She doubts Karlie would cut herself, and Taylor will only need a minute. She still calls Selena before she does anything else. Her sister does not answer her phone.Her family probably has their own plan going, by the looks of it. Taylor should leave quickly, make the decision on a whim so she will be harder to track. Going to the dance will be a good distraction; all those human smells around might grant her at least two or three seconds of an upper hand. Edward isn't near—she cannot hear him nor smell his scent. Her thoughts are probably safe.She starts getting dressed before she can stop herself. In the clothes she packed to come to the cottage, there is only one dress that could be appropriate for this dance, so she puts it on—she doesn't want to stand out, and she already stands out by existing. The dress is a long-sleeved, olive-green velvet dress, and she adds a pair of gold earrings just to look put together. She'll die in green then. Not her favorite, but there aren't any more options to choose from. She puts on tights and boots—she'll have to run, so it needs to be practical—then leaves.She listens in the forest for any noise or scent, but she can't seem to pick up anything but her sister's faint trail. It's not raining anymore, but it's not snowing either. The night is quiet, and the sky is somehow clear, the full moon bright above.When she reaches the school, she slows to a human pace, her steps faltering. The closer she gets, the louder the voice in her head grows, pleading with her to stop.
This is not good. This is dangerous. This is me making excuses again. The girl will die. I was just considering killing her here not so long ago...The thought grips her chest like a vice, and for a moment, she pauses, considering turning around, stopping herself before it's too late. But then she feels a presence brush against her senses, a scent she recognizes. Someone near her, behind her.Jasper.Calm floods through her in a soft, insidious wave, easing the tension in her shoulders before she can stop it. She exhales shakily, her hands curling into fists at her sides."Get out of my head," she groans, her voice low and rough. "And get away from me."To his credit, he obeys—but only partly. He steps back, just enough to loosen his hold on her emotions, but he doesn't leave. She sees him now, lingering at the edge of the forest, half-concealed in the shadows near the school parking lot.Well, at least she knows where one of them is.
They'll interfere to stop me from going to the Quileutes, but they wouldn't lift a finger if I tried to kill Karlie. Or would they?
She shakes her head, trying to dispel the surge of resentment. It isn't fair, not now. She doesn't want to carry this anger, this image of them standing in judgment, into what might be her last day. They were good to her—tried to help her, tried to save her.But they need to understand that she
cannot
be saved.Her presence here proves it beyond all doubt. She's standing on the precipice, fully aware of the consequences, fully aware that if Karlie's blood spills, she won't stop herself. She'll kill the girl. And still, she's toying with the possibility, playing with fate, playing with Karlie's life.If she were truly capable of redemption, she wouldn't be here at all.She steps through the front doors of the school, the muffled thrum of music spilling into the hallway as she makes her way toward the gym. She has no ticket, but no one stops her from entering. A few glances land on her—some curious, others dismissive—but nothing out of the ordinary. She blends into the party, her long sleeves brushing against her sides as she moves forward.The gym is alive with motion and sound, a chaotic burst of 80s music and teenage revelry. The air is thick with the scent of sweat and cheap perfume. Chaperones stand on the sidelines, arms crossed, eyes scanning the crowd. Kids twist and sway on the dance floor, their laughter loud and unrestrained.Her gaze sweeps the room, catching them immediately: Edward and Selena. They're both here, lingering at opposite ends of the gym like silent warnings. Their presence makes her anxious, but she doesn't engage. She won't be the one to break the silence and give them another chance to push her back. It's good that they're here. At least if something goes wrong, they could (and would, she really hopes) save Karlie from her.She shifts her focus, scanning the crowd for the girl. The search doesn't take long. Karlie isn't here, but her friends are, gathered near the dance floor with plastic cups of punch in hand. They're talking, their voices low but clear to her ears.Taylor moves toward a nearby table, pretending to pour herself a cup of punch, all the while keeping her head tilted just enough to listen the two kids talk about her arrival."Holy shit, I didn't think she'd actually come.""Do you think Karlie knows?""The curiosity is killing me.
I swear, I'm this close to going over there and asking that blonde bitch what she did to her.""Brainwashed her. Seriously.""No way. It's something else. Karlie's been acting
so
weird.""Yeah, well, she's been gone for a while. Maybe we should look for her?""No, not yet. I'm tired of her mood. This was supposed to be, like, at least half fun.""Just... Here. Drink some of mine.""Ugh, this is disgusting, Derek!""It's supposed to be..."Their voices trail off into a mix of laughter and irritation, but Taylor doesn't linger to hear more. She places the empty cup back on the table and straightens, her gaze worried as she glances toward the far side of the gym.
Where are you?The noise, the lights, the swirl of human scents—it's all too much, drowning her senses. She steps out into the quieter corridors, her footsteps echoing softly as she begins to search.She tries to focus, to isolate Karlie's scent amid the chaos, but it's nearly impossible with so many people packed into the school. Still, she keeps walking, the noise fading behind her the farther she goes.As the hallways become emptier, it gets easier for her to concentrate. She slows her steps, letting her heightened senses take over. Then she catches it; Karlie's scent, faint but distinct, floral and warm. Her chest tightens, and she follows it, her movements purposeful.As she approaches, she hears movement—rustling fabric, muffled breathing—and senses another human scent that seems familiar. The sound leads her to an open doorway, an empty classroom bathed in faint light.She steps inside and freezes.Karlie is there, pressed against the whiteboard, kissing Joshua Kushner.The boy's hands rest awkwardly on her waist, and Karlie's hair falls in loose waves around her face. Her lipstick is smudged from the kiss, her cheeks flushed. Taylor feels a hollow ache rip through her chest, something far worse than the anger she might have expected. No fury rises this time, only despair, vast and all-consuming.She stands motionless for a moment, her breath hitching in her throat. Her eyes sting with unshed tears as Karlie finally pulls away, startled by the sound of Taylor's steps. The girl looks at her, their eyes locking across the room.So this will be their last look—Karlie, disheveled, her lips red, confused at first, then desperate. Taylor wants to hold that image, to burn it into her memory. And yet, at the same time, she can't bear it.Without a word, Taylor turns and walks out of the room. Her legs feel like glass, but her mind screams at her to run, to disappear before the pain consumes her entirely. She's about to break into a vampire's sprint when she collides with a pair of humans coming around the corner."Watch it!" one of them snaps, but she barely hears it.The collision slows her down, just enough for her to catch the sound of Karlie's voice calling after her, urgent and close:"Taylor, wait!"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
On her way home, Karlie fights to keep her thoughts in check, determined not to spiral into an endless loop of doubt and confusion. The evidence Jacob shared looms large in her mind, unsettling and strange, but it clashes with the memory of Taylor's light, melodic laughter—a sound so genuine, so
harmless.She keeps thinking of the blonde girl eating a goddamn sandwich at lunch; tries to focus on that, on the fact that it happened. But it was weird. It looked mechanical, almost detached, as if eating isn't a natural habit for her. Not exactly robotic, but something about it felt wrong. Which is, of course,
insane
if Karlie thinks too much about it.If Taylor truly is a vampire, her
diet
should, by all logic, disgust Karlie. And yet, it doesn't. It intrigues her. What would it be like to crave something like that? Not a piece of birthday cake at a party or warm chicken soup when you're sick, but something vital, something alive. Red, warm, and that courses through veins. It's a strange thought, and it's strange to be curious about it.What does blood taste like? What is it like for her?
Is it intoxicating like a drug, or is it more mundane, like orange juice in the morning?The deeper she delves into these questions, the harder it becomes to accept any notion of Taylor as a malicious creature. Dangerous, maybe. But not vicious. Not cruel. Not someone who would kill if she could help it.But what if she can't help it?, she thinks for a moment.
What if feeding is an unshakable need, like an addiction? Could Taylor survive on the bare minimum? And if she drinks human blood, does it always end in death for her victim? Could Taylor sustain herself on blood bags, smuggled out of the hospital by her father? Maybe that's the real reason he works there—easy access to a supply.She's going absolutely crazy because when she was sitting and talking to Taylor at lunch, analyzing her every move, Karlie had an idea.A risky, possibly
very stupid
idea.The plan she comes up with is simple: she'll test Taylor. Invite her over, create an opportunity to get a small cut on her body—an "accident"—and watch her reaction.It requires an immense amount of trust, Karlie realizes. Trust that, even if Taylor is tempted, even if the sight of blood awakens something primal in her, she won't lose control. It's a gamble. But it might be the only way to get answers.And Karlie can't shake the certainty that Taylor
wouldn't
hurt her.So she does it. Karlie invites Taylor over, using the excuse of needing help with homework. To her surprise, Taylor accepts. Karlie can't tell if she's suspicious. There's something off about her—her mood is more animated, not quite happy but charged, like static in the air before a storm. She's hyper-focused in their conversation, her eyes locking on Karlie's with intensity. Too attentive. Too present.After the blonde leaves her at the cafeteria with a tray full of uneaten food, Karlie goes back to her friends' table and hands it all off to Derek and Lorde with only vague excuses, disappearing before they can press her for answers. She isn't ready to talk to anyone about this—not without a clear plan or a fully-formed opinion. Every time she tries to settle on one theory, a dozen more spring up in its place.She needs an answer.When she gets home, she waits restlessly for the blonde girl to show up. They hadn't agreed on a time. Karlie still doesn't have her number, and she hadn't seen her anywhere before leaving school. The Volvo was in the parking lot when she got in her truck. She didn't want to seem stalkerish, so she left before she could convince herself to stay.She goes over her plan again and again—she'll get them both into the kitchen to bake something together. Then, she'll "accidentally" cut herself with a knife.Her heart pounds in her chest as she thinks of the possibilities, the risks.But how else is she supposed to get an answer? The blonde would never just come out and say it, not directly. Karlie knows she has to force her hand, to push her into revealing the truth. And if Taylor hurts her... Well, for that, she has no plan. She knows Charlie has a gun somewhere in the house, but she can't even imagine using it.She might not even react. Maybe Jacob's story is wrong, and I'm going crazy over nothing, she considers, and the thought momentarily calms her.She paces around, opening and closing cabinets to check if she has the ingredients for cookies or brownies or something—anything to occupy her mind. It seems Sue bought them groceries because there's a lot of stuff Charlie would never think of getting. She goes upstairs and cleans her room, desperate for a distraction.One hour passes.She does her laundry, cleans the living room. When the second hour drags by, she vacuums the first floor. She scrubs every surface obsessively, and by the time she's gone over the kitchen and the bathroom, the cold, dark night has settled in outside. Karlie, covered in sweat with her hair clinging to her face, finally collapses onto the bathroom floor. The tears come without warning, overtaking her completely.What is wrong with her?
Why would Taylor say yes and then not come? Was this some sort of payback for Karlie not showing up the day before?I explained why I didn't show up, she thinks, her frustration mounting.
Why does she do things like this?She goes over their conversation again, unable to find any signs that Taylor had been lying. Then again, Karlie knew firsthand how good of a liar she was.She stays sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at nothing and thinking of everything, until she hears Charlie coming up the stairs.-Sleeping is no easy task, and Karlie has a nightmare.She dreams she's sitting in a dark room, resting her head on a couch when Taylor comes near her, closer than they've ever been. She can't see her face, only feels her touch in the darkness. Her nose brushes against Karlie's neck, tender at first, before she bites her.Karlie jolts awake, drenched in sweat. Her head aches, her mouth is dry, and her muscles ache from the cleaning frenzy she put herself through the day before.She barely makes an effort to get ready that morning. When her friends join her at lunch, it's painfully clear something is wrong, but they don't press her. It seems they're trying to keep things light, hoping to have fun at the dance later that night.Karlie, however, can't focus on anything they're saying. Her mind is completely consumed by the possibility of Taylor walking into the cafeteria. She scans the room, unable to think of anything else.But Taylor doesn't show up.The fear of the blonde girl disappearing grows so overwhelming that Karlie almost stands up to walk over to the Cullens' table and ask about her. Almost. But the thought of actually doing it feels impossible, she just doesn't have the courage.The rest of the day is a blur of unease. Karlie feels sick, worse than she has in days. Whether it's the crushing disappointment, the anxiety that's been simmering for too long, or both, she feels like she's about to break. It's all too much.Still, she forces herself to hold it together. When the final bell rings, she leaves with her friends to hang out before getting ready for the dance. She and Lorde sprawl out on Derek's bedroom floor, and Karlie remembers the Mazzy Star CD she shoved into her backpack the day before, avoiding it while organizing her room. She digs it out from the bottom of the bag, walks over to Derek's CD player, and starts it up.Lorde is quietly sketching something, not saying a word, as
Fade Into You
begins to play. The soft melody fills the room, and tears spill down Karlie's cheeks before she can stop them.Derek has left to get them booze—he doesn't reveal how or where he's getting it. By the time he returns, Karlie has managed to pull herself together and takes a few quick shots of whatever bottle he sets down first.The alcohol helps. She feels a little better, numb even, as Derek insists on doing her makeup. He quickly switches out the Mazzy Star CD for something more upbeat, and soon they're dancing to pop music, laughter echoing through the room. By the time they head out for the dance, Karlie is tipsy (maybe more than tipsy). The three of them have little water bottles filled with more alcohol in their bags and coats. Her friends aren't as drunk as she is, and the more she drinks, the more frustrated they get with her."Karlie, go easy on that.""Shut up," she rolls her eyes. For the first time since coming to Forks, she feels numb enough to smile and even dance. Why can't they just let her be? She doesn't think she's being obvious."We're going to get caught," Derek mutters. "If she keeps going like this, we're screwed.""Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Karlie fires back."Then stop acting like a child," Derek shoots, exasperated.Scoffing, Karlie storms away, needing space from their judgment. She refuses to let them ruin this numbness—this almost-fake happiness she feels.She's sipping on some punch when Josh Kushner approaches and asks her to dance. She hesitates, but then says yes. Because who else is going to ask her to dance in this hell of a town?They jump and move together to a half-pop, half-rock song she doesn't recognize, and it feels good—freeing—to let herself go like this. To be spontaneous. To not give a fuck. They keep dancing through a couple more songs until he reveals that he's drunk as well. For a moment, she forgets how much she's supposed to hate him, how cruel he's been to her friends. All that matters is that he's paying attention to her. All Karlie has felt since the day before is left out and forgotten.When he leads her toward an empty classroom, she follows without protest, trying to decipher her own emotions. When his fingers rest on her waist, she wonders:
Do I like this?His hand is large, his scent overwhelmingly masculine. His smile is hazy, his drunken gaze sliding over her like she's just another girl. He doesn't see her. He doesn't know her and never will.When he kisses her, Karlie realizes the truth almost immediately: it doesn't feel good.His lips are too hard, too harsh, too quick—too much. But she lets it happen anyway, even tilting her head and pressing back, trying to feel something. Anything. Warmth, excitement, even comfort. But instead, it feels wrong. Not just awkward or unpleasant, but like committing a crime, like she's betraying herself in some fundamental way.It isn't until Josh pulls away and Karlie follows his gaze across the room that she realizes they aren't alone.Taylor Cullen is in the doorway.She stands like a ghost, her gorgeous grey eyes filled with shock. When Karlie stares at her, every bad emotion lingering from the kiss is replaced by a moment of clarity so sharp it feels like a gasp of fresh air.But it's gone too fast. Before Karlie can say anything, Taylor turns on her heel and walks away.Karlie's heart pounds like a drum in her chest, beating against her ribs with a force that nearly sends her stumbling.
No, no, no.
She can't let her leave, not like this. Without thinking, she follows, unsteady on her feet, her head spinning from the alcohol and the panic."Taylor, wait!" she calls, but Taylor doesn't stop.She watches as the girl bumps into a couple in the hallway, slowing her down as she continues toward the exit. Karlie speeds up, ignoring the spinning room and the sick feeling in her stomach.Outside, the cold hits her like a slap. It isn't snowing, and it isn't raining, but the world feels translucent under the moonlight, the air is almost like needles hurting her bones."Taylor, please!" she calls again.The shorter girl continues walking. Her blonde hair catches the faint moonlight as she disappears into the woods behind the school lot. Without hesitation, Karlie keeps following her.Branches scrape against her arms, the ground crunches beneath her feet, and the darkness closes in around her. The school fades from view, swallowed by trees."Go back inside, Karlie," Taylor's voice cuts through the night."No," she whispers to herself, shivering but determined. Her breath fogs the air as she stumbles forward, her heels catching on roots and stones."Please," Karlie chokes out.The forest feels vast, endless. The moon above is her only source of light, casting silver shadows that stretch and twist like ghosts. She stops for a moment, her chest heaving with emotion, tears slipping down her cheeks.Taylor saw me. Taylor saw me with Josh.
The thought feels unbearable. Even now, even after everything, Karlie needs her to understand. She needs her to know the truth: kissing him was a mistake. A desperate, stupid attempt to feel normal, to drown out the chaos in her mind.The tears fall freely now, hot against her freezing skin. She tilts her head back to look at the moon, desperate and broken.When she looks foward again, she sees Taylor's figure in the darkness, leaning against a tree. Karlie gasps, startled by how Taylor seems to materialize out of nowhere and without a sound."Go back. Now," the blonde says, her voice low and cold."No," Karlie replies, trying not to sound as weak as she feels. She wipes her tears away and takes a step closer. "I'm not leaving.""Don't be fucking stupid," Taylor snaps, pushing off the tree. Her movements are fluid, almost predatory, her tone dripping with venom."You don't scare me," Karlie takes another step forward as she says the words.Taylor's eyes flash in the moonlight, bright and sharp and otherworldly. She moves closer, so close Karlie can feel the coldness radiating off her, can see her clear white skin in so much detail she feels like she's dreaming."Do you have a death wish?" Taylor's voice is a low growl, dangerous and deliberate. "I can make that happen very quickly."Karlie gulps, her breath hitching at the intensity of Taylor's presence."Go ahead," the taller girl challenges, her shoulders trembling from the cold.Taylor's brows knit together, the faintest crack in her icy exterior, and she shakes her head in disbelief."You can't hide from me," Karlie says, her tone fueled by adrenaline and anger. "I know the truth.""Oh? What is that?" she asks softly, almost mockingly.Karlie takes a deep breath, her lower lip trembling. Maybe it's the alcohol, or the cold, or the way Taylor is looking at her now, with skepticism and something darker. Whatever the cause, it strips away her defenses, leaving her no room for coded words or convenient excuses. The truth spills out, raw and unfiltered."You're impossibly fast," Karlie begins, trying to keep steady on her feet. "And strong. Your skin is pale and ice-cold. And you can compel people—make them do whatever you want."Taylor's eyes narrow, her head tilting slightly as she listens."I know what you are," Karlie whispers."Say it," Taylor murmurs, her voice flat and devoid of emotion. It isn't a challenge, nor is it pressing or mocking—just numb. "Out loud."Karlie's breath catches, her heart hammering against her ribs. But she doesn't hesitate."Vampire."The word hangs in the air between them, heavy and charged.A beat passes, then another. Taylor's eyes glint under the moonlight, and Karlie realizes, distantly, how beautiful she looks in the dark—beautiful and terrifying, like a predator poised to strike."Are you afraid now?" The blonde whispers."No," Karlie says, her response immediate and unwavering.And it's true. She isn't afraid. Not of Taylor, not of the truth. If anything, she feels relief. Like saying the word has lifted some invisible weight from her chest, like the world has finally snapped into focus.Taylor watches her for a long moment, her expression inscrutable. Then, she smiles—just the faintest curve of her lips—and it's impossible to tell whether it's amusement or something far more dangerous."Then ask me the most basic question: what do we eat?"Karlie shivers at Taylor's tone. This time, she cannot lie to herself—she feels fear. Not fear of death, strangely, but fear that she won't run. That when the moment comes, she will stay rooted, unable to escape even if her survival demands it."You're not going to hurt me," Karlie says, her voice steady despite the turmoil in her chest. The words are not just for Taylor; they are for herself. A mantra she repeats in her mind, clinging to the certainty she feels even as the reality of the moment suggests she should know better. Her heart—overwhelmed, irrational, and cliché as it sounds—tells her that Taylor would never harm her.It makes no sense. She knows it makes no sense. But logic seems so far removed from this moment she can't even grasp it.Driven by something she cannot name, Karlie reaches out and brushes her fingers against Taylor's cheek. Her skin is so cold, unnaturally so, but it doesn't make Karlie pull back. If anything, it makes her linger. But then, something shifts.Taylor's face stiffens beneath her touch, and Karlie watches in horrified fascination as dark veins bloom beneath Taylor's eyes—which are fully
crimson, not black like she had thought when she first saw her like this. Taylor's half-open mouth reveals the glint of two fangs where her canines should be.It is a vision straight out of a horror movie. Yet, Karlie does not recoil. Her breath catches, her heart races, but she doesn't move. She studies Taylor's face, taking in every detail. She's vulnerable and real, stripped bare of all her defenses."I'm not afraid," Karlie murmurs in a peaceful tone. Her thumb brushes over Taylor's cheek with a tenderness that even surprises her.Taylor pulls away abruptly, lowering herself to the ground. She rests her hands on her knees, hiding her face from Karlie's view.Karlie stares at her, trying to process everything. The fear, the horror, the inexplicable pull toward the person crouched before her. She knows she has to do something. She has seen this before, felt this tension before.She needs to distract Taylor."I don't know why I kissed Josh," Karlie blurts out, the words tumbling from her lips in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. "It felt awful. I think there's something wrong with me, because there must be, right? I'm drunk, I'm a terrible friend, and I can't confide in anyone. I just... I search for
you
all the time. I feel your absence
all the time. Even when you're with me, I suffer in anticipation of you being gone. That's crazy, isn't it? And so, why should this matter? It doesn't matter what you are—""It—you don't care that I'm a monster? That I'm not
human?" Taylor cuts her off, standing suddenly. The veins are gone from her eyes now, the fangs no longer visible."No," Karlie says with quiet certainty. And as she says it, she realizes it is the truth. She could analyze it, pick it apart, but it would never change what she feels. Being around Taylor makes her feel alive and, without her, everything is greyish and painful. How could she deny something so fundamental?"You're insane," Taylor mutters with a humorless chuckle, but there is no malice in her tone."So what?" Karlie snaps, her voice rising with frustration. "Are you going to run away now? Leave me waiting and wondering all over again?""Karlie, you have no idea what you're talking about.""Then enlighten me," she challenges, stepping closer.Taylor exhales sharply, her shoulders slumping. "You don't understand the lengths I've gone to keep you alive. You have no idea how much I
wish
I could run away."The words cut through Karlie like a blade. She feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, her chest tightening with an ache she can't contain.
Why is she like this? What does she truly want?"No, don't cry," Taylor says softly, hesitant for a moment."I don't understand what you want," Karlie mumbles. Taylor sighs deeply."You've realized that I can compel people. Have you ever asked yourself why I've never done it to you?"Karlie furrows her brows, even more confused. She tries to think back, to remember any moment when she might have felt Taylor trying to make her forget, but there's nothing."Is there something wrong with me?" she whispers, trembling from the cold."Something wrong with
you?" Taylor smiles faintly, the expression tinged with sadness. "No, Karlie. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm what's wrong."Karlie shakes her head stubbornly, stepping closer despite the warning in Taylor's eyes."Don't," Taylor moves further away, raising her hand. "Stay there. Don't touch me again.""Is it...difficult for you when I touch you?" Karlie takes a shaky breath."It's dangerous," Taylor looks away, her voice barely audible. "For you.""I won't do it again," Karlie promises. "Just... don't go."Taylor turns her gaze to the moon, her expression unreadable. But when she looks back at Karlie, there's something fragile in her eyes."I have to," she whispers.Karlie somehow feels, deep in her bones, that if she lets Taylor go now, she will never see her again. Her heart races in her chest as she tries to think of something—anything—that will make her stay."No," she shakes her head. "Don't you see? I can't
breathe
if you're... If you're not..."Taylor looks at her in concern as Karlie starts crying again, burying her face in her hands. The thought of Taylor being gone, slipping through Karlie's fingers just after she's learned the truth, is unbearable."Stop, stop. Hey," Taylor says softly.Karlie continues sobbing into her palms for a moment before looking up at Taylor, who stands before her with a calmer expression, as if trying to steady Karlie by appearing calm herself. But beneath that, Karlie can still see her resolve to leave."Let's go inside. Let's get your coat. I'll get you home.""No. Promise me you'll stay," Karlie pleads in a childlike tone.Taylor tilts her head and sighs."I'll stay tonight," she relents."You'll stay with me?" Karlie asks, a flicker of hope lighting her eyes."I'll stay with you
tonight," Taylor nods once.Karlie accepts this but in the back of her mind, she's already forming a plan. She won't let Taylor leave—not until she knows everything. Not until she finds a way to make her stay until Karlie can't even remember the thought of her being gone.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Karlie's POV
As they walk back to the parking lot, Karlie makes a conscious effort to give Taylor some space to walk ahead. She doesn't want to take her eyes off her for even a moment. Taylor moves with a quiet confidence that Karlie can't help but admire—how her hair falls in soft waves around her shoulders, how the dress she's wearing fits her perfectly.Back inside the school, Karlie focuses on finding her friends. Her eyes lock with Lorde's first—she seems annoyed and curious, her brow furrowed as she studies the two girls as they approach. Derek, on the other hand, seems to be swaying slightly on his feet, an amused and dazed look on his face."Don't be angry," Karlie says, stepping toward Derek as Taylor hangs back a little, giving them space. "I'm sorry I've been so awful lately, I—"Derek sighs dramatically, then gives her a playful push on the shoulder."Shut up. I think I'm drunker than you now," he says, his words slurring slightly. He suddenly looks over at Taylor."Heeeey, Cullen," he waves at her, and Taylor raises an eyebrow, clearly amused. "She's so pretty. You're all so pretty."His chuckles ring out, and Karlie can't help but laugh, despite herself."I think I should take him home, Karlie," Lorde says with a sigh. "He might wreck his dad's car if he drives back.""How will you get home?" she asks. They really hadn't thought things through tonight. Her truck was parked at Derek's house, and Lorde had needed a ride there earlier. All three of them were intoxicated now; Lorde could hide it well, but she'd had just as much to drink as Karlie.Before the taller girl can come up with a solution, Taylor steps forward. She stands before Karlie's friends, looking at them with clear, unwavering focus."I'll drive you all back," Taylor says, her words cutting through the haze of their inebriation. "You will ask no questions. You won't think much of my presence. Tomorrow, you won't remember a thing."Karlie watches, almost mesmerized, as Derek and Lorde's eyes lock on Taylor. They seem to hang on every word, as though she's speaking in some foreign language they understand instinctively."Give me your keys," Taylor says, extending her hand to Derek. Without hesitation, he fumbles through his pockets in his usual clumsy way until he finally finds his keys, handing them over. "C'mon."They start following her out of the gym, getting their things and trailing behind like puppies. It takes a beat for Karlie to process what just happened and gather her bearings. She grabs her coat, slipping it on as she catches up.As always, Taylor moves with ease, effortlessly finding Derek's car and opening the backseat door. She stands there, lips pressed tightly together, waiting for them to get in. Lorde climbs in first, as if Taylor isn't even there. Taylor stops Derek with a hand on his shoulder, making him look at her again."Hold your head up so you won't puke."He nods, shuffling into the car. When Karlie slides into the passenger seat, she notices that Derek's doing exactly what Taylor told him—his eyes are closed as he absentmindedly hums some unidentifiable song. Lorde stares out the window, looking tired and bored."Derek, please shut up," she mutters, pushing his shoulder.Taylor slides into the driver's seat, looking straight ahead. She turns on the ignition like this is her car, like she's done this a million times. The two kids in the backseat start bickering, and Karlie finds herself nearly fully turned toward Taylor, her focus entirely on her.The drive is quick; Taylor drops Lorde off at her house, and then they head toward Derek's. Karlie's mind is racing with a thousand questions, but she holds them in, waiting for them to be alone. When they pull up to her friend's house, they get out of the car, and Taylor hands Derek his keys. The two girls watch as he walks inside, waving goodbye with a funny smile.Karlie makes her way toward her truck, trying to unlock the door, her movements a bit unsteady."What do you think you're doing?" Taylor asks, trailing behind her with a curious, almost puzzled expression."I'm...opening the door.""You're drunk. You're not driving," Taylor says, raising her palm to stop Karlie. The taller girl sighs, knowing Taylor's right. She hands over the keys without a word, and they both climb into the truck, Taylor taking the driver's seat.Karlie watches her in silence once again. It feels strange seeing Taylor in her truck, especially in the driver's seat. There's something ethereal about it, like she belongs there, like she's glowing. As Taylor adjusts herself behind the wheel, Karlie notices the slight frown creasing her face."What is it?" Karlie asks."This car is really old," Taylor says flatly, her voice monotone."Don't be mean," Karlie says, a little amused despite herself.Taylor's expression softens, and for a moment, the only sound in the truck is the hum of the engine. Despite the chill in the air and the fact that her coat isn't doing much to keep her warm, Karlie feels oddly content, like everything is just
right. Taylor's protective instinct, making sure her friends got home safely, fills Karlie with warmth. She replays their gym interaction in her mind, thinking of how quickly Taylor stepped into action."You've never done that to me," Karlie muses. "Why?"Taylor doesn't answer right away, not because she doesn't know what Karlie means, but because she seems caught in some kind of internal dilemma. Karlie can see the tension in her jaw, as though she's weighing whether to answer honestly. After a moment, she mutters:"It seems I can't."Karlie's taken aback. She tries to process it, but the thought that maybe there's something wrong with her own mind worries her again. After all, Taylor had no problem compelling her father and her friends."Have you tried?" Karlie asks quietly."Yeah," Taylor sighs. "Didn't work."They lapse into another quiet stretch, but Karlie's mind races. Taylor has this incredible ability—one that could change everything—so why is she still here, in high school? Why not just compel her way out it?"If you can make anyone do what you want them to do, why are you here? Why not just get on a plane and go to Boca or something?" Karlie asks, curious.Taylor smiles faintly, biting her bottom lip as though suppressing a laugh."Too sunny in Boca.""But... I've seen you in the sun," she says, confused."You've seen me on
very cloudy
days," Taylor corrects her. "You've never seen me under direct sunlight."Karlie shifts in her seat, so intrigued now that she can't stay still."What would happen? Would you burn to ashes?"Taylor chuckles softly and shakes her head."It's hard to explain. It's easier when you see it."Karlie doesn't push further, she doesn't want Taylor to stop being honest. Plus, there are plenty more questions she's dying to ask."Okay, no burning in the sunlight," Karlie thinks for a moment, then grins. "Can you turn into a bat?"Taylor snickers at the question."No," she says, her tone dry."Do you sleep in a coffin?" Karlie teases further."No," Taylor furrows her brow for a moment. "I don't have to sleep."The taller girl blinks, startled."You don't—what?""I don't get tired, so I don't have to rest," Taylor explains calmly. "I can sleep, but I have to will it to happen.""How do you do that?" Karlie asks, still shocked but doing her best to hide it."I've only done it once," Taylor admits, her voice quieter now. "I'm not sure how. It's hard to explain."Another "it's hard to explain".
Karlie bites the inside of her cheek, trying to make sense of it."You never get tired? Never ever?" she tilts her head, still incredulous."Never ever," Taylor simply says. "Doesn't mean your mind can't get exhausted. There are other types of exhaustion. But I don't feel physical pain, nor discomfort.""That must be amazing," Karlie mumbles."It's very dull," Taylor lets out a deep sigh, her tone curt now. "It can be very easy to spend days without moving at all.""You don't have to
move?""I don't feel discomfort," she repeats herself.Karlie sits with the weight of that statement, trying to imagine what it would be like."You could just keep still forever?" she finally asks."Yes," Taylor says softly. "But my blood would stop flowing, and I would petrify.""Petrify?" Karlie echoes, her brow furrowing."Turn to stone," Taylor clarifies.Karlie needs a moment to take it all in. Everything Taylor is saying feels impossible—not needing to move, not needing to sleep, turning into
stone. None of it seems real or even remotely plausible, but she knows it's the truth. She glances at Taylor, her profile illuminated faintly by the glow of the streetlights, her eyes locked on the road ahead."Are you scared yet?" Taylor breaks the silence."No," Karlie says, running her hand through her hair nervously. Her thoughts are still racing. "When were you...bitten? Another vampire turned you, right?""Yeah," Taylor mutters, cringing slightly. "Well, biting isn't really part of it, but yeah.""What do you mean?""It's not the bite that turns you," Taylor explains, her tone even. "You have to die with vampire blood in your system, then feed on a human to complete the transformation."Karlie shivers, the mention of blood and death sending a chill through her. Her hands fidget in her lap."Jacob said you're the youngest in your family—""Is Jacob the boy who was at your house when you got your truck back?" Taylor interrupts."Yeah," Karlie admits, then immediately regrets it. Her stomach tightens. The last thing she wants is for Jacob to get into trouble, especially for sharing something he didn't even believe in. "But he doesn't know anything. I mean, he knows, but he doesn't think it's true.""And you got him to tell you," Taylor looks at her for a moment. "Is that how you found out?""Yes, but he didn't mean any harm. He thinks it's all just a tribe legend," Karlie says, worried for Jacob."I'm not going to hurt your friend, Karlie," Taylor says flatly. Her voice is so devoid of emotion it makes Karlie's stomach twist."I know you won't," she says just as quickly, the words tumbling out. "Let's just keep him out of it, okay?"Taylor doesn't respond, and the silence stretches, heavy and uncomfortable. Karlie wants to tell her again she never considered Taylor would hurt anyone but she's too embarrassed. She shifts in her seat, stealing a glance at the blonde.The truck slows as they pull up in front of Karlie's house. Taylor switches off the ignition and hands Karlie her keys."You promised you'd stay—" Karlie starts, her voice tinged with uncertainty."I'm not going anywhere," Taylor replies, nodding once.Their eyes meet, and for a moment, Karlie feels pulled in by something true and unspoken. Taylor breaks the connection first, stepping out of the truck. Karlie follows, walking toward her house, unlocking the front door, and slipping inside with Taylor close behind.The house is quiet, dark. Charlie must already be asleep. Karlie shrugs off her coat, avoiding looking directly at Taylor, knowing the intensity of her gaze would only make her more nervous.She climbs the stairs, feeling Taylor's footsteps close behind. Once inside her room, Karlie flips on the light and watches as Taylor slowly takes her bearings, a faintly amused expression on her face."What?" Karlie asks, kicking off her heels."You have a drawing of me on your bedside table."Karlie freezes. Her eyes dart to Lorde's notebook, open on one of her favorite sketches of the blonde. She vaguely remembers flipping through it last night, in the haze of her anger, and must have forgotten to close it."Uh..." Heat floods her cheeks as her heart pounds in her chest. "Lorde did that. I—I can't draw at all."Taylor steps further into the room, moving closer to the window as she glances outside."And you have it because...?""She gave it to me," Karlie mumbles, quickly closing the notebook. Her skin feels sticky from the humid weather and the night's dancing, and the thought of Taylor knowing about the drawing makes her feel unbearably self-conscious. "I'm...going to take a shower."Taylor nods, settling into the rocking chair by the window. Karlie pauses, watching her for a moment. She looks calmer now, her earlier tension replaced with something quieter, more vulnerable.Karlie turns to her wardrobe, pulling out clean clothes with hands that feel clumsier than usual. Even though Taylor's gaze is fixed on the street outside, the weight of her presence makes Karlie feel like she's under a spotlight."You said—""I'll stay right here," Taylor interrupts without looking away from the window."I know, but you have a record of lying to me," Karlie sighs, her voice carrying more weariness than she intends.Taylor furrows her brows, her expression softening. She looks almost embarrassed."I'm not lying anymore," she murmurs, her eyes briefly meeting Karlie's before quickly looking away.For a moment, Karlie isn't sure she's heard her correctly. But Taylor's vulnerability feels genuine—enough for her to nod in silent acceptance. She slips out of the room and into the bathroom, still feeling the weight of Taylor's presence even as she closes the door behind her.Once she's alone, Karlie exhales deeply, her shoulders sagging as she catches her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The makeup Derek applied to her face is still intact, remarkably surviving her crazy night. She begins removing it slowly. She doesn't want to rush—doesn't want to let her nerves get the best of her.It's not that she doesn't trust Taylor to stay. It's just that she doesn't want to spend a moment apart from her now that she's here, in her house, willing to talk. She brushes her teeth, trying to ground herself, and steps into a warm shower. The alcohol haze has worn off some, leaving her tipsy but not entirely sober. As the water cascades down, she lets her mind wander, trying to reconcile everything she's learned so far.After drying off and changing into an old sweater and sweatpants, Karlie hesitates, debating whether to use the hairdryer. She doesn't want to risk waking Charlie, so she opts to towel-dry her hair as best she can. Taking one last look in the mirror, she inhales deeply.
Don't freak her out. Just listen. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed. She needs to stay, and she won't if she doesn't feel like she can trust me.
When Karlie returns to her room, Taylor is still sitting on the rocking chair, holding Karlie's well-worn copy of Wuthering Heights. She appears to be near the final pages, her pale fingers carefully turning the book's edges. As Karlie steps inside, Taylor glances up, an intrigued expression softening her features."What?" Karlie asks, her cheeks flushing under the blonde's gaze."You look...cozy," Taylor says, exhaling softly as she sets the book aside.Karlie flips on the small bedside lamp, turning off the main light. Taylor remains seated just beyond the lamp's warm glow, her figure partially obscured."Will you come over here? I can't see you," Karlie asks, sitting cross-legged on her bed."I don't think that's a good idea," Taylor murmurs, her voice low and uncertain."No touching, I promise," Karlie says gently.There's a pause, then Taylor rises slowly, crossing the room. She sits on the edge of Karlie's bed, leaning back against the bedframe, her movements careful. Karlie smiles faintly, knowing how much this means in their unspoken terms. Taylor is here—close enough to feel real—and that's enough for now."Are you sure you're not tired? It's really late," Taylor asks, her brows furrowing in concern."Not really," Karlie shakes her head. In truth, she feels wide awake, like her nerves are electric wires."Can I ask you a weird question?" Karlie ventures after a beat, unsure how to ease into her curiosity. Taylor waits, hands folded neatly in her lap."Does your hair grow?"Taylor chuckles lightly."No. If I cut it, it's permanent," She runs her fingers through her curls."Your nails too?" Karlie asks, fascinated."I suppose so," Taylor glances at her hands, studying them as though seeing them for the first time."Could you dye your hair if you wanted?""I...don't know," Taylor admits with a soft laugh. "I've never tried.""Don't," Karlie says quickly, shaking her head as though the idea were blasphemous. "Blonde really suits you.""Does it?" Taylor arches an eyebrow, and Karlie feels a familiar warmth creep into her cheeks."Yeah," Karlie says, looking down at her lap. "What's even more upsetting is that your hair isn't just blonde—it's
golden. Like you've got tiny flickers of gold all over it.""That's probably a vampire thing," Taylor tilts her head, a smile curving her lips. "The transformation makes your features more...alluring. To draw humans in, I assume.""You didn't look like this before?" Karlie asks, trying to picture Taylor any other way."No," Taylor admits softly. "I wouldn't have caught your eye as a human. I was very unremarkable.""I doubt that," Karlie says firmly. "Was it difficult for you—being changed?""I don't know where to start with that," Taylor says after a long sigh."I can handle it," Karlie assures her, leaning forward slightly."I should tell you," the blonde looks at the other girl with a very serious expression. "Maybe then you'll be scared."Karlie rolls her eyes but Taylor's tense stare doesn't waver."Go ahead," the human urges, gesturing for her to continue. Taylor shifts in her seat for a moment before saying:"When you turn, every emotion is heightened. Every petty feeling becomes enormous. But the bloodlust..." Taylor's voice sharpens. "The bloodlust is everything. It's the only thing you think about."Karlie swallows hard, her pulse quickening."How did you manage to control it?""Why do you think I have it under control?" Taylor asks, her tone cutting.Karlie falters."I... Jacob told me your family isn't dangerous—""He said we aren't dangerous?" Taylor interrupts, her tone skeptical.Karlie tries to recall the conversation with Jacob, her memory sifting through his words."He said you don't prey on humans," she clarifies. "Is he wrong?"Taylor doesn't respond right away. Her gaze drifts away, avoiding Karlie's eyes. A faint crease forms on her brow."Are you sure you want to know that?" She whispers.Karlie lies in her bed, staring at the ceiling, as if it could help her feel more grounded in reality. She tries to steady her breathing. If there's a moment to feel uneasy, it's this one. In theory, this should terrify her."Tell me," she says evenly."My family doesn't," she finally says. "But I do."The admission hits Karlie harder than she expects, her heartbeat spiking as the words settle.
Why do you do it if they don't?,
she wants to ask."What does that entail, exactly?" Is what she ends up saying.Taylor doesn't answer right away, and Karlie wonders if she's pushing too far. Just as she's about to turn her head to see Taylor's expression, the blonde finally speaks."I feed on human blood," Taylor says softly, each word measured. "I have...a bit of a problem quitting it."Karlie's initial shock gives way to an unexpected wave of empathy."And your family feeds on animals?""Yes.""Is it different? I mean...worse than humans?" Karlie asks hesitantly.Taylor is silent for a long moment."When you feed..." she begins, her voice quieter now. "It's like being on a high. It's not just the taste but the feeling—the fullness. Animal blood doesn't come close. It only keeps us satiated enough to resist the thirst...or I imagine it does. I've never gone long enough without human blood to know.""W—why?" Karlie stammers, her voice unsteady."I guess I have my own set of excuses," the vampire says in a bitter tone. "Carlisle says it's like any other addiction. I keep falling into the same patterns without a break."Karlie shifts her position, propping herself up on one of her elbows to watch Taylor again."Is it really bad...for the human?" Karlie asks cautiously.Taylor's expression darkens, and for a moment, Karlie regrets asking. When Taylor finally speaks, her voice is low, almost distant."Most vampires kill when they feed," she says, her tone matter-of-fact. "If that's what you're asking."For a moment, only sound in the room is the faint ticking of her bedside clock. Taylor shifts her eyes away from hers, her brows drawn tight in thought."Do you?" Karlie finally asks, trying to keep her tone gentle.Taylor's head turns slowly, and her grey eyes meet Karlie's. They soften, just slightly, as if she's reading the question beneath the question."I try not to," she answers at last. Karlie exhales, relief washing over her, laying down again to stare at the ceiling as Taylor continues. "Don't let that make you complacent, though. Every time I feed, it's a risk. Even when I try to be careful, I've hurt people without realizing it. And I've come very close to killing—many,
many times."Karlie feels the tension radiating from Taylor as she says the words. There's no doubt in her mind that Taylor is telling the truth—everything feels too heavy, too serious, to be anything else. Yet the fact that Taylor actively tries to resist, to control something so primal and consuming, is enough for Karlie. She can't imagine being addicted to something so instinctual, especially while living among people who manage to resist it."But you don't want to hurt anyone," Karlie mumbles."I—""That wasn't a question," Karlie interrupts gently, shifting to sit up. She moves closer, resting her back against the bedframe beside Taylor. The proximity makes Taylor twitch slightly, her shoulders stiffening."It doesn't justify the fact that I'm constantly putting people in danger," she says, not looking at Karlie."You said you've come close, but you've never..." Karlie trails off. She's close enough now to make out the finer details of Taylor's face—the faint lines of tension in her jaw, the sharp focus in her grey eyes. It doesn't help calm the wild thrum of her heartbeat."Not by drinking their blood," Taylor admits, her voice shaky now. "Well... I'm not sure they
didn't
die.""What do you mean?" Karlie tilts her head toward Taylor, her worry deepening."Do you remember the night I found you with those...men?"Karlie grimaces at the memory, her stomach tightening. She can still recall the fear, the helplessness, and the moment Taylor appeared out of nowhere. At the time, she hadn't fully understood what had happened or why they had left so quickly."Yeah. I remember.""I compelled them into torture," Taylor says bluntly, her eyes lowering to her hands. "I don't know how far it went, or if they got help in time."The confession hangs between them. Karlie's hands itch with the urge to reach out, to touch Taylor, to offer comfort in some way. But she holds back."I could ask Charlie to find out," Karlie offers gently. "If they really—""Maybe it's best that I think they did," Taylor interrupts slowly. "That was my intention anyway.""If you hadn't come..." The human's voice cracks slightly as the memory resurfaces. "Who knows what they would've done to me.""Are you saying it's okay if they died?" Taylor's eyes widen."I—" Karlie hesitates, unsure how to answer. Of course, it's not okay. But how can she condemn Taylor for saving her life? "You said yourself you don't know for sure."Taylor lets out a hollow laugh, shaking her head in disbelief."The fact that you're making excuses for me is
absurd," her voice wavers slightly. "Are you not repulsed? Disgusted?"Karlie frowns."Why should I be? Who's to say I wouldn't do the same if I were in your shoes?""Does that make it right?""Were
they
right?" Karlie shoots back."That's not the point," Taylor says sharply, her eyes gleaming with intensity. "Karlie, they were human. You don't understand—intrinsically, I was
made
to kill humans. Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my smell. I don't have to try. And even if I did, you could never fight me off. You could never say no—I could change that, too. Does that not freak you out? That's what you're sympathizing with.
Don't do that.
My entire existence is against nature. It's not a fair fight."Karlie exhales slowly, not looking away from her grey eyes even for one moment."I don't think me saying your struggle is reasonable is the same as lacking self-preservation," she says calmly. "I don't think you
chose
this. Did you?"Taylor's lips part, but no words come. She doesn't look away, but the silence that follows is enough of an answer."I thought so," Karlie says softly, sighing."It doesn't—""Look at it this way," Karlie interrupts. "If the roles were reversed, would you say I was a monster? Would you not have compassion for me?"Taylor's lips press into a thin line. Her next words come slow and deliberate:"And if I told you I wanted to kill you?" she asks, her tone deadly serious. "That I almost did? That I
dream
about it?"Karlie inhales sharply, her heart stumbling in her chest. She knows Taylor is trying to make a point, trying to scare her."Yet all you've done is save me," Karlie holds her ground, her voice unwavering.Taylor shoots up from the bed with a frustrated huff, pacing toward the window. Karlie follows quickly, standing to face her."Taylor, you promised—""I know!" She snaps, her voice just above a whisper, mindful of Charlie sleeping in the other room. "I know I did, but I can't hear another word of that coming from you. It's
ridiculous. Don't you care at all about your own safety?""Fine," Karlie says, sighing heavily. "You're an evil, awful killing machine. I'm so scared. Now come sit down.""It's not funny," Taylor says, shifting on her feet."I know," Karlie says, her voice soft but firm. "It's not funny at all. Come on."She returns to the bed, patting the spot beside her. Taylor hesitates but sighs, reluctantly sitting back down on the edge of the bed. Karlie studies her for a long moment, her gaze softening."You're so pretty tonight," she says lightly, the corners of her mouth lifting. Taylor raises her brows. "Don't overthink it. I'm just trying to be nice so you won't run off. Your face isn't as alluring as you think it is.""Oh, it isn't?""Not at all. You have no effect on me whatsoever," Karlie lies easily.Taylor bites her lip, the hint of a smile breaking through."Noted," she says softly.