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I’ve never been a big fan of God. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve given God more chances than a love-stricken girl gives her shitty on again/off again boyfriend, but I’m just not able to be convinced in his so-called mercy or love for humans. Most people in The Lifestyle know to find faith or get out, but I found out that monsters are real and don’t just exist under the bed so I vowed to not sit by and do nothing. After my first encounter with a vampire in my late teens that killed my parents and taking it down on my own on chance, I took to the hills with my car, an arsenal of gathered essentials from the months of research I did, and what little money I had saved. Abandoning my plans for college and going town by town, I took on whatever monsters and big bads I could. Occasionally assisting other hunters on their cases in exchange for supplies and a place to stay.It’s become easy to take on anything I come across, building more strength and skill with every ghost, werewolf, vampire and everything in between I encounter. Except demons. After almost getting killed from a failed exorcism, I learned the truth. Only the faithful can exorcize. So I avoid demons for the fact that they are the only monster I can’t take on alone. When I suspect demonic bastards are the terrors on a case, I usually call the hunters from the next town or two over to help me or give them a lead before moving on.So on my next case, when I ran into a house vacated by its previous owners, I suspected it was infested with a run-of-the-mill creature that I prepared to investigate. However, I wasn’t prepared to find a demon there, holding the Winchesters against the wall with its invisible power. I hid next to the doorway using a small mirror in my pocket to watch the scene. It took everything in me to not turn and run, but I knew these boys. Every hunter across the country knew who they were and if I didn’t help them, especially when I’ve been wanting them on my side, the guilt would wreck me and I wouldn’t get what I needed. Using the iron knife I had hidden in my boot, I prepared to run in with a fight behind my step, not knowing exactly how I would take down the bitch. Before I even take a step from behind the corner, the demon stops me in my tracks, turning around and asking who is there, sensing my presence. Fuck.“Now, now, stop lurking behind walls and eavesdropping, it’s rude.” It said in the voice of the woman it was possessing. I take a step out, now leaning against the wall concealing the weapon I’m holding.“Oh c’mon now, you know I couldn’t pass up on this fun. Seeing you was at the top of my to-do list today, babe.” I snarl out with as much hate I can muster behind my wavering voice. It smiles evilly when it sees my face, speaking my name, unexpectedly knowingly.“You’re a hard woman to track down, you know. We’ve been looking everywhere for the so-called faithless hunter. What a paradox!” It cackles on the last sentence. “Do you know how easy it will be to kill you now? You and the Winchesters in one day! I’d imagine the boss downstairs will even start praising God when He hears of this.”“You know, that would be really easy for you. But before that, do me a favor…” I say smirking and shooting a quick look at the brothers, before revealing the sharpened iron in my hand. “Hold this for me.” I throw it and it sinks deep into her arm. As she screams and tries to pull it out, the Winchesters drop from the wall and I see Dean pick up his demon-killing knife from the floor, the one I’ve coveted ever since I was made aware of its existence, and come up quickly and slit her throat. Her body drops and I walk towards the body, leaning down to grip my own knife from her arm, pulling it out swiftly. I wiped the blood on it on the side of my pants and stuck it in my pocket. I look up at them, seeing them looking at me wildly. Repeating my name in unison, like the demon before, but with more bewilderment.“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean asks in an ever-present pointed tone. I look at him, slightly offended at his tone.“Oh, sorry for imposing on your case, I guess...” My voice trails off, not knowing how else to respond. I knew they work on their own with the occasional help from Bobby Singer, the gruff hunter with a hidden heart of gold that I’ve run into a few times, but I didn’t expect Dean to be so rude, considering I just helped them.“I think what Dean meant to say,” Sam emphasizes with a small glare at Dean, “was we’re just shocked to see you. You’re kind of well-known for your, um, unique hunting style and that was a risky move coming in on a demon case without backup.” Sam says in a serious yet soft voice.“What? A girl can’t make a mistake?” I ask with a small chuckle, “I didn’t know it would be a demon. I thought it was something else, the signs weren’t as clear as I thought. I’m just glad I got here when I did.” I smile at Dean hoping to clear the air.Dean clears his throat before beginning “Well, I guess we can finally agree with a demon, we’ve been looking for you too.” I raise my eyebrows at him, silently asking him to continue “You’re a hell of a hunter, I think you’ve taken more monsters down than we have considering you don’t deal with these sons of bitches.” He pauses and looks down at the demon and kicks it lightly with the last part of his sentence.“Thanks but why exactly have you been looking for me?” I ask. Before he answers, I suddenly see a man appear behind the boys, they turn around and look at him unalarmed before looking back at me. I grab my knife out of my pocket preparing to throw it at him like previously, expecting him to be another demon, he doesn’t even flinch before Dean takes a step forward towards me and grabs my wrist.“Woah, woah. Hey, it’s okay. That’s just Cass, he doesn’t bite. He’s our friend.” I look at Dean again, registering his words, and he gives a small squeeze to my wrist, I lower my arm before looking at the angel. He tilts his head and squints, I realize I’ve unconsciously been making the same face at him.“Oh, yes. Cass, like Castiel… As in, the angel? The friend from up on high?” I ask“Yes. I’m an angel of the Lord. And their friend, I suppose.” Castiel says monotonically.“Thanks Sherlock, but she obviously knows who you are.” Dean says looking at him, before turning his eyes on me again, “Wait, how do you know who he is?”“I’m not the only person in this room who has heard of one another. I know who you both are, who all of you are.” I say still looking at the angel. “And I’ve been looking for you guys too.”
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Sam and Dean have an unwavering faith like I’ve never seen before. If they didn’t indulge in their usual vices and weren’t hunting on the daily, they would be the epitome of pious, church-going, well-rounded men. After finding them, I told them that I need a consistent backup for demon cases that were growing in numbers by the day and from their history and legacy, I wanted them. I offered up my repertoire of knowledge on various monsters, even out-smarting Sam on many, and their weaknesses, as well making an even exchange for hunting monsters and providing backup for them. After a few conversations with each other and amongst themselves, we came to an agreement that I would join their team as long as they need me and vice versa.With all of the cases coming in one after another, they turned out to be appreciative with my help as we would divide and conquer when we could. They focused on demons and I focused on monsters. There were a few close calls here and there being closer on demon cases as I’ve ever been, but we found our groove and I felt safe with them. We all got closer over a few months and became good friends. Except, me and the angel. Castiel was cool towards me when we were all together and ignored me completely when he and I were alone. Dean and Sam didn’t seem to notice, even when it seemed obvious.On our first hunt as a group of four for an especially infamous demon called Orobas, Castiel was sent with me as we split up. To say I was nervous was an understatement having never seen the angel in action on a hunt. The quiet between us wasn't awkward but seemed more filled with animosity from his side. After 30 minutes of looking with no end in sight and no luck finding the demon, I finally decided to confront him.“Castiel.” I say, between beginning a question and beginning an accusation. He looks at me with something behind his eyes that I couldn’t read. I continued, “What is up with your attitude towards me?” I realized at that moment the wording sounded immature, but I stood my ground.“I don’t have any attitude towards you,” he says with finger quotes around attitude, mocking my choice of words. “We simply do not have anything in common, I find it redundant to carry on a conversation with you.”Okay, that stung a little, but I continued on, “Really Cass? We both hunt evil, we both care for Sam and Dean, and you can’t even have a friendly conversation with me?” His blue eyes darken as his ever-present emotionless face turns to one of anger.“First of all, I’m not Cass to you. I’m Castiel and you should address me as such. Second, your lack of faith irritates me, if you truly want to know. How could I carry on a conversation with someone who does not respect my father?”My eyes that were locked on his are now looking down towards the ground, feeling insecure. It’s words that I’ve heard similarly before, my lack of faith bothers a lot of people and has ruined a lot of potential hunter connections in the field, hence my search for the Winchesters and their insouciance towards different beliefs. It usually rolls off of my back but this is someone I’ve tried to put trust in and to know he thinks so low of me already hurts. Before I realize what I’m doing I use my forearm to push him against the wall next to us. Anger taking over my insecurity.“Castiel, if something were to try to hurt me on this hunt, would you even want to protect me? Would you even try? You can’t even have a conversation with me, why agree to come with me?” I spit my words with fire, raising my voice and giving him a look that could kill, if only I was that lucky in this moment. Before he answers, he glances over my shoulder and shoves me with more force than I’ve ever felt and knocks me to the ground. I try to break my fall, but end up falling on my wrist hearing a snap.I wince in pain getting ready to yell at him again, before I look up and see Castiel place his hand on the demon's head and before I know it, the demon’s vessel is on the ground and Castiel is standing over me, looking down at me. He kneels down and places a hand on my wrist that I’m cradling. A soft white light envelops it and I feel a warm sensation before the pain goes away. We look each other in the eyes for a moment and I stare at him with disbelief, yet awestruck. Unknowing of his power to heal. Before another second passes, he stands up and turns away from me. He doesn’t turn to look back and says “Go find Sam and Dean and tell them that the demon has been taken care of and that I’ll check back in with them later.”I blink and he’s gone with a light breeze. I look down and can’t break my eyes away from the ground, my brain racking over the past moments. Okay, so maybe my trust in him shouldn't have been wavered by this disagreement. I find Sam and Dean on the other side of the building and we drive back together to our shitty roadside motel.
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I’ve never denied the existence of God, only His power, but to this day, I practice my enunciation and speed of the standard exorcism. I practice in the mirror, in the shower, anytime I’m alone. I’ve memorized it by now but still hope maybe there is a loophole that doesn’t involve calling on God. I’m running the lines over and over again aloud in the mirror, looking at myself and still believing the hatred I was taught in Sunday school as a kid. Blasphemer, condemned, guilty, lost. I’m caught up in my thoughts that I don’t even notice the angel appearing behind me in the mirror until he speaks.“It’s no use without faith, you know?” He says.I jump and turn around not recognizing his voice at first, still not being used to it like I am with Sam and Dean’s. “No shit, angel.” I say coolly before turning my back on him, only looking at him through the mirror. He takes a step closer to me, close to invading my personal space.“I’m ready to have that… conversation, now.” He says, slightly pausing as if only registering his words as he speaks them.I raise an eyebrow at him, disbelieving of what I’m hearing. I’ll bite. “Okay, Castiel. Let’s talk. What changed your mind?”“Sam said I should try to understand you.” He says plainly.“I appreciate Sam’s concern, but if that’s the only reason you’re here, angel, then you shouldn’t have even come. I don’t need pity or fake niceties”He sighs my name out, so soft you can barely hear it but obviously already exasperated with having to attempt connecting with me. “Sam may be my reasoning but I’m trying here. We will obviously continue to have to work together and I need to see you more clearly in order to help you.”I clear my throat, stunned by his words. “Okay… Cass,” I paused testing the nickname that’s become a subconscious word choice that I’ve picked up from Dean. Seeing no anger from him before continuing, “What do you want to know?”“Why don’t you have faith in our God?” He asks, not understanding how loaded of a question that is. I internally cringe at the word “our.” I turn around studying him for a moment before answering.“Wow Cass, let’s just start with the million dollar question then.” I laugh out nervously, before answering seriously “It’s not that simple to explain. I’ve tried, but it doesn't sit well with me. At this point in my life, the question isn’t why don’t I have faith, it’s why should I?”“Our God is good, he has a plan for all of us. He cares for us.” He argues.“So, why do some plans only entail horrible things, hm? Why do tragedies happen to innocent people? It’s not fair.” I argue back, my voice slightly raised. He looks at my face intently, searching my eyes and silently realizing he must have struck something in me to react like this.“I don’t understand every action of God, but I know He does what He has to and He does it for the good of humans.”“I’m sorry, angel, but I just don’t believe that. I know you say you don’t understand each of His actions, but you must realize how blind your faith is.”“If my faith relies only on knowledge, it wouldn’t be faith. I hope you find yours someday.” He says. Before I can reply, he’s gone in a blink.I speak sarcastically into the emptiness of his once occupied space, hoping he could still hear me, “Great conversation, angel. Thanks for trying to understand!”I turn back and look at myself, frustrated and shaking my head as Castiel’s voice still circles within my head. If a freaking angel can’t understand God’s actions, how should I? Why would God put my parents in the path of death by a vampire? Why force me into this life when I could live a normal one? Why would I almost die time and time again, only getting myself out of suffering? Why would I still feel the way about myself like I have my whole life? They say God understands us, but if so, then why the hell would He do this to us? To me?I sit on my bed looking over my journal on every creature I’ve ever encountered. I grab the motel’s branded pen before writing down a new entry on a blank page:“Angels.Abilities: Healing, StrengthWeaknesses: Unknown”I intend to find out an Angel’s weakness. I don’t want to hurt Castiel, but if that’s Castiel being kind, I would hate to see him, or worse yet, another angel in unadulterated wrath.
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The next time I see Castiel, it’s on a hunt of my own. Laying on the floor after I just, “ganked” as Dean would put it, a nasty Rugaru. I’m holding my hip as I put pressure on the bleeding area missing a chunk of flesh from being bit. I call out into the open air, “Cass, can you come down and put some of your mojo healing on me?” After a few hunts all together, Sam and Dean told me that Castiel would, mostly, come if called and that he’s there if I ever need him. Castiel had begun to protest before nodding silently and curtly, agreeing with them. So in this moment, I’m surprised that I don’t wait even a moment before he is kneeling at my side, examining my wound before placing his hand on it gently. When the light dims and he pulls his hand away, I see my skin as good as new, flawless even, not even a previous stretch mark in sight.I pull my low ridden pants over my hip and shirt down as he holds out a hand to help me stand up, I take it not even barely having to pull myself up as he does most of it with his strength. “Thanks, angel.”“That was an act of faith, you know.” He says with a slight hint of hope and pride in his voice.“What? Calling you down here?” He gives a small nod. “Well, not for nothing, Cass, but I needed you, not God.” His face of hope falls and I begin to feel a bit bad, so I begin to backtrack what I said, “What I mean, Cass, is that I may have had faith in you this time, like I would with Sam and Dean if I needed them to help, but that wouldn’t be enough to take on a demon. Only you and the Winchesters can do that. It wouldn't be enough to believe in God's mercy.”“For now.” He responds quickly.“Cass, we’ve been over this, nothing is going to give me faith in God. I’m doing perfectly fine taking on monsters like this. I really do appreciate your help though.”Still sore from the fight, my legs begin to shake as I walk. Cass notices and picks me up effortlessly and holds me as he transports us to my motel room where he places me gently on the bed and smiles before he sits on the edge of the bed.His face becomes serious as he says my name like a question. “I knew you once had faith, I can feel it from touching you, what made you lose it?”I sigh, realizing I had one of two options, telling him that it’s none of his business and to get the hell out or to explain to him, albeit as uncomfortable as it may be. It seems like it could be a stride in gaining his friendship, I choose the latter hoping I don’t regret it.“I grew up in a church. My parents took me every Sunday, they were incredibly devout, and I loved it once. I loved reading the Bible, singing hymns, and learning about God. But things started to fall apart, I would read passages and be confused and hurt by them. For example, the whole “your body is a temple,” thing, well… I just have a lot of reasons to not believe that.” I subconsciously run my hand over my wrist, knowing the faded scars lie beneath my sleeve that I created during my darkest moments.The angel looks down then looks into my eyes with realization. “You’ve hurt yourself? You think you deserved that?” He asks, in his typical monotone voice, not truly understanding.“Not anymore, but yes, I did. And I did think that in those moments, I still sometimes do, but I got myself out of that. I saved myself. God had nothing to do with it. He simply sat on the sidelines watching the match against myself play out without an ounce of love to offer.” I state, trying not to get caught up in my own emotions while Castiel sits stoically. “But obviously there is a lot more, angel. Between grief, hurt, and a sense of feeling lost in this world, God simply eludes me. He always has and I don’t expect He will start caring now.” I look up as I stop talking and I see he is looking at me, more intently than he ever as before. It makes me uncomfortable enough to want to avert my gaze to the duffle bag sitting on the dirty floor, but I couldn’t stop staring back at him.It’s only when he speaks that I break from the trance, “I think I’m starting to understand you.”He smiles and before I can respond, he suddenly clenches his eyes shut and holds his head, groaning in pain. I jump up, moving closer to him and hold his face in my hands, “Cass, what’s the matter? What’s going on?” The worry in my voice is uncontrollable.“Something’s wrong, I have to go.” He leaves without another word, leaving my hands grasping nothing in the air. I drop my hands before heading next door to alert the brothers.
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We haven’t seen Cass in 3 weeks and 2 days. We’ve all tried praying to him, to no avail, even Dean couldn’t get in touch with him. After our initial worry we head to stay at Bobby’s for a few weeks, we realize we can’t do anything and won’t know anything until he’s back so we go to the small, rickety house for research and preparation, suspecting another big bad supposedly coming our way.Sam and I are in the dining room researching in books and on a laptop respectively while Dean and Bobby are on a supply run. Before we can process what is going on, Cass appears behind us. I stood up quickly as soon as I felt his presence and walked quickly to him. I immediately start running my vision over him, checking him for any injuries as he leans against the wall, barely being able to stand. He waves me off, before attempting to stand up straight but falling right back into the wall.“Castiel!” I call his full name out of intense emotions, anger, worry, concern. “Where the hell have you been?” I take a step closer and smell the familiar scent of booze.“On a bender.” He says in an agitated, slurred voice, Sam and I shoot each other a look out of concern. Sam stands to grab water for him as I lead the angel to the couch which he immediately falls into. I sit gently beside him as Sam walks in with the water. I grab the cup, mouthing a silent thank you. He points back to the kitchen as I nod as he leaves.“Oh my God, Cass…” I pause looking over his form, disheveled hair, loosened tie, trench coat noticeably dirtier than its usual pristine beige color.He scoffs and says “God has left the building.” I blink, an obvious expression of confusion comes over my face.“Cass, You need to drink this. Are you in pain? Do you need medication?” I ask, still concerned over his state of being. We’ve never seen him like this.“Not the kind you can give me.” He says aloud with a few hiccups between words. He takes the water and chugs“Well, what do you need, Cass? Please let me help.”“Faith.” He punctuates it with my name and an eye roll as if it’s the most obvious thing. I look at him bewildered, attempting to process his request.“Oh, okay. You’re right about that Cass, I can’t help. But Sam, he can help.” I call Sam into the living room and stand up, filling him in on the situation with the few answers I got from the drunken angel. He nods and goes to sit beside Castiel. I walk in the kitchen, giving them privacy, before realizing the level of concern I have for him is abnormal. I try to shake off the odd feeling, telling myself that I would react the same way if Sam or Dean were in the stupor Cass is in, but I realize quickly what a lie that is. I begin to panic internally as I realize that my feelings for the angel may have gone beyond a friendly partnership of exchanged services. This is not good at all.I stay a few hours in my makeshift room in the attic going over my thoughts as if they're running across a marque too fast to keep up with, before a small knock on my door comes, breaking me out of my self-induced trance. “C’mon in.” I raise my voice a little to get through the almost soundproof solid wood doors in the house. Cass walks in, a lot more steady than earlier and immediately finds my eyes.“I’m so sorry.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. I look at him sympathetically, shaking my head about the unnecessary apology.“Castiel, you don’t need to be sorry. I’m concerned though. What happened?”“The war in heaven amongst the angels has begun and I’ve searched for God for answers. He’s not anywhere to be found. My faith has begun to… falter.” He looks up at me, almost emotionless as ever if it weren’t for the guilt brimming his eyes. “How do you handle this?”“How do I handle what, Cass?”“The emptiness. My vessel never lacked such faith when I overtook him, I don’t understand where this apathy is coming from and how to fix this.” I move closer to him on the bed as he talks.I touch his shoulder lightly while speaking, “Cass, maybe it isn’t something to fix. You’re breaking free of this mold you’ve lived in your entire existence, you’re changing, perhaps in a good way, and showing emotion. Spoiler alert, you’ve done it ever since I met you. This is just another emotion, you just have to ride it out. I can’t tell you whether or how to fix your faith, but I do want you to know that any decisions you make, you have people that will support you. Sam, Dean… Me too. We’re here for you and will stand by you.”He looks at me and smiles for the first time today, lighting up the room with a soft sincerity. “You’ve helped me show emotion. Thank you.” He says reaching up to squeeze my hand on his shoulder.We share the moment before getting distracted by Dean barging in. “Woah, sorry for… interrupting.” He says smirking. I blush, dropping my hand from Cass's shoulder out of his grasp, and throw a pillow at Dean, hitting him as hard as I can in the stomach, he leans over in faux pain before straightening up and laughing. “We’re going to get food, wanna join?” I look over at Cass who is now standing up above me, he doesn’t say goodbye before disappearing, I stand up in his place and smile at Dean. “Looks like it’ll just be the four of us then!” He says cheerily.
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Sam and Dean are on a demon case as Castiel and I go on our own mission of hunting one of the most dangerous creatures I’ve come to know, angels. We haven’t spoken much since the last time we saw each other; when I was sitting on the bathroom floor in my motel room sobbing after a particularly rough case with the brothers, having to kill a monster that wanted to change and not hurt anyone. But it was too big of a risk to take and we had to put her down. The guilt racked over me and I cried uncontrollably, praying for something to show me a sign that what I was doing is right, that I need help looking past my emotions in order to truly help. After cursing God in silence for the countless time in my life, Castiel suddenly appeared and knelt down next to me looking me in my teary and blurry eyes. His blue eyes searching mine for all of my thoughts but when a look of realization came over him that I was praying, he never said anything, and neither did I.He sat and held me, eventually putting me to sleep with a light touch of fingers on my forehead. I should've been offended, should’ve thought he just wanted to shut me up, but when I woke up feeling better, I was thankful. But the feeling of being alone on the bathroom floor, as he had left, left a hole in my heart, bigger than the one I felt the day before. I walked into Sam and Dean’s room through the connecting door and saw the angel sitting there at the small table with Sam, they looked up, giving their respective hellos and good mornings. Castiel stands up silently, motioning to his chair for me to sit beside Sam to start some research. I give him a short nod, thanking him silently, before taking the seat beside Sam.“What’s going on today?” I lean over looking at his laptop.“Well, it looks like we’ll have to split up again. I know for sure we’re going to take on a case with a vamp nest, but there is another place a couple towns over that we heard on the police scanner. Some guy’s wife is missing, and the signs before she left are unlike what we’ve seen before. We want you and Cass to take it, but just know that you’ll be going in blindly.”I nod and look up at Cass and see him spaced out.“Cael.” He says shortly after tuning into angel radio. “She’s taken over a vessel, I imagine it’s her. I can go alone, I know where she’s at.”“Cass, no. I’ll come with you.” He sighs and shakes his head before eventually agreeing. He takes us to an abandoned warehouse, the same one Dean was kept in the heavenly room he told me about once before. Immediately seeing an angel standing in the shadows.“Castiel.” She says, stepping out into the little daylight shining in the room. “I figured I would find you with her. You being seen with this faithless abomination? This is a new low even for you, brother.” The angel says, glaring at me with a coldness that could ice over the room we are standing in.“Yes, I am.” Cass states answering her question, shooting a glance at me.“I’ve gotten orders to exterminate this… non believing termite. She’s causing too much trouble, choosing to not send demonic scum back to hell.”“I hold my own just fine, I don’t need to exorcize to kill.”“You’re killing humans with it though, you’re going against our father’s commands.”“They’re usually dead anyways. You should know that.” I spit back matching her hostile energy.“Regardless, I won’t go against orders, unlike you.” The angel pulls out her angel blade, ready to fight.“You’re not going to hurt her, Cael.” Castiel says immediately. I take a step forward from where I’m standing behind my angel, getting ready to fight before Cass shoots his arm out in front of me, stopping me. Before I know it, his own angel blade slips out of his sleeve into his hand.“Then you’ll have to die too, Castiel. I’m sorry brother.” I look at him with wide eyes as the angel runs forward. Castiel pushes me back before they start going at each other, blades clashing and punches being thrown to knock each other out of balance. I stand uselessly for several moments, unsure of what to do. I can’t draw a sigil without casting Castiel out too. I go through every possibility in my head in less than a minute before seeing Cass get sliced in the arm and punched in the chest, flying across the room and landing beside me. Before I know what I’m doing, I grab Cass’s blade and run toward the angel. We begin fighting, she’s stronger, hitting me and definitely breaking my nose as I taste the metallic liquid drop into my mouth, but I’m faster. Eventually I dodged a stab towards my face, only getting a small slice under my eye, I duck before coming up and stabbing her through the chest. She looks down shocked and I give a final twist.Before she evaporates into light, I look her in the eyes and speak, “I told you I can hold my own.” I shut my eyes as the brightness comes until silence and darkness falls over the room we’re standing in.I run over to Cass, holding his arm where his trench coat and shirt are sliced. I examine him before looking up and seeing him stare at me, breathlessly whispering my name as he pushes a piece of hair out of my face that loosened from my pulled back style during the fight. I help him stand up and he looks at me with the same face I saw when I first met him, tilted head and squinted eyes. I hand him his blade but when he takes it, he immediately drops it with a clatter on the floor and takes a step towards me. He cradles my face in both of his hands and heals me as he looks me in the eyes, searching them. I give a small nod answering before I know the question he’s looking to ask before he leans in and kisses me passionately.He pulls back and looks at my face, taking his time studying every feature: my cheeks, my forehead, my lips, my eyes. All of my face. “You’re so beautiful.”“No Cass, you don’t mean that. Not about me.”“Are you saying that I’m lying?” Each syllable drops with his notorious intensity.I think for a moment, taking this as a moment of bravery, I shake my head before pulling us into another kiss, both of us smiling against each other before he transports us back to the brothers motel room holding hands.Dean looks up from where he is patching up one of Sam’s wounds. He looks down at our hands before looking up at us grinning wildly. He nudges Sam on his hurt arm, causing Sam to wince and groan his name through closed teeth before also looking at us. He smiles and quietly says to Dean, “Finally.”
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“Castiel, I have a question for you,” I ask as I lie in bed with him sitting next to me drawing enochian symbols on my back. He stops with a simple inquisitive hum asking me to continue. “As an angel. Your weaknesses are holy fire, angel wardings and sigils, certain spells, and angelic weapons, right?”He chuckles before answering, “Why? What are you planning on doing to me?” I smile internally at his joke.“It’s for my journal. Just doing some much-needed catching up on documentation.” I say as I cross out unknown beside "weaknesses," writing what I now know, having learned from this new chosen family I've made.“Oh, well you are correct, those are the weaknesses of an angel, but you forgot one.”“What’s that?”“You. You’re my weakness.”I give him a playful shove as I sit up, “Oh my god, that is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard! You’ve learned too much from Dean, I’m going to have to separate the two of you!” He fakes a pout before we both laugh and he pulls me in and kisses me.“Castiel, you know my faith lies within you, right?” I ask seriously, a change of tone from our playful exchange, hoping he understands the full extent of my feelings from a single question.“And I’ve come to learn that mine lies within you.”