Work Text
‘Bout how many?
After the stilted conversation in a New Jersey psych ward, they never really revisit it. After ‘let’s call it a friendship’, after ‘I’m not ready’, after ‘worse timing for me’, after ‘thought I lost you’, after ‘lead you to happiness, Liv’, after ‘just wanted to hear your voice’, after ‘I’m here’, Elliot and Olivia seem to have made a silent but conscious decision to focus on looking forward, on healing. Something has shifted for the better since he’s been back this time. Calls still go to voicemail but they’re returned. They share the little details of their day to day over text. They’ve even managed a coffee in the park, and now here they are.
It’s not a date exactly. It’s dinner. Just the two of them, somewhere intimately lit with a table for two that allows the toe of her shoe to slide along the solid curve of his calf every now and again. If she’d taken the time to add a bit of smoke to her eye makeup and freshen her perfume, and if he’d intentionally loosened the first few buttons of his best shirt, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s light and easy, her smile wide and his eyes sparking. Not a date exactly, but she’s wondering how he’d react if she kissed him chastely (or maybe not so chastely) before she gets into her car to head home. She’s allowing her gaze to linger along his smirking lips when he suddenly sits up straight in his chair and hardens a glare over her shoulder.
“What?” Olivia’s brows ask him, but she resists the urge to turn and look behind. Elliot won't allow a threat to get anywhere close, she can trust him to be her eyes.
“There’s a man staring at you” Elliot almost growls. Olivia isn’t sure if she should laugh, glare, or squeeze her thighs together at his possessiveness. “Smarmy looking guy at the bar”
Her head turns but her eyes stay on his, a smirk forming across her dimpled cheeks. “Smarmy?” Olivia chuckles “sounds like just my type”. Elliot’s eyes squint in mock indignation, but movement over her shoulder stops his returning grin.
“Olivia?” The low voice widens the Captain’s dark eyes with shock and she has to blink to rip her eyes from Elliot’s brooding stare.
Their surprise guest hovers to her left. He’s aged. So has she. Yet even with the salt sprinkled through his still-full head of hair and the new wrinkles around his smiling eyes, the sight of him takes her back. The confusion, the loneliness, the anger bubbles up. The desperation to be chosen, to be worth staying for.
A“David?” She husks, eyes darting from his smile to Elliot’s dark glare. Olivia clears her throat. “David Hayden” she says, her voice stronger but she knows Elliot has clocked her unease. “This is Elliot Stabler, Elliot this is David.” If Hayden recognizes her old partner’s name he doesn’t show it. Olivia searches the haze of emotion and memory to remember if Hayden would even know, if she’d dared speak the name of the man she’d still been trying to forget back then. Elliot stands and the men shake hands, the grip stronger than truly necessary, eyes challenging. Olivia almost rolls hers.
“It’s been years” Hayden says, cowing to Elliot’s intensity and looking back to Olivia. “You look…”
“How do you know Olivia?” Elliot cuts the man off. Hayden has a grace to look uncomfortable.
“We worked together” the prosecutor offers with a slow smile. “For just a little while”
“You look well” Olivia redirects, giving him a once over and catching the glint of gold on his left hand. She waits for her heart to clench, but Olivia finds only happiness for an old friend where nostalgia or regret may once have grown. “You’re married?”
“Yeah” Hayden blushes, smiling down at the ring “re-married actually, my ex and I…”
“No kidding?” Olivia says, happiness shadowed slightly by the sting of history repeated. Still her smile doesn’t waiver. “Congratulations. It’s nice to see you but we…”
“We’re in the middle of dinner” Elliot asserts with a pointed look. He’s not usually one to interrupt her. It’s one of the things she’d noticed immediately about him. In 1998 her new partner’s consistency in giving her the time and space to speak her mind, take the lead, and take credit where it was due, was immediately clear. Especially back then. She’d loved him for it, she realizes. It’s what had made her feel so safe with him, and that safety opened a part of her heart she’s never truly shared with anyone else. So Olivia forgives him this time. Because along with his support, Elliot’s protection was what solidified his place in her heart. Then and now. She smiles apologetically at David Hayden.
“I’ll let you get to it” Hayden agrees. There’s an awkward moment where the man looks like he might expect her to hug him, but Olivia gives a small wave instead and turns back to Elliot.
The silence that follows Hayden’s departure isn’t tense, but it’s not quite so light as it had been. Elliot’s got that bashful look again, that one he’d worn that Christmas in the waiting room when he’d asked.
‘Bout how many?
Part of her wants to smack him a little. Fifteen years ago she would have punched his shoulder and told him to mind his business. Now Olivia thinks maybe it’s always been his business. Wonders if moving forward might require just a bit of looking back.
“I thought you never date lawyers” Elliot teases, tugging at his ear lobe uncomfortably. She laughs. A deep one, from the gut. One that warms her chest on its way out with its familiarity. This has been happening more since he’s been back too. These moments where she can almost imagine they’re side by side in the squad car poking fun at one another.
“Well it was 10 years, Elliot” she teases back, a nod to that sun soaked hospital. Elliot takes it in stride but his deep breath tells her he’s about to drop one of his little bombshells. Those comments he makes now, the easy way he shows her how he feels about her in a way he never could back then.
“I won’t ask again” he promises “but, if you wanted to tell me, I can listen” Olivia raises her eyebrows in disbelief, which makes him hold his hands up in surrender “I do want to know, Liv. ‘Bout your life” he’s just so earnest in these moments. It was jarring before, when Elliot had first come back. Now though, it sets her stomach a flutter with anticipation. Olivia thinks maybe she can do this, give him honesty in return.
“You and I never…” she starts, thenholds her hand up while she chooses her words, looks for the right way to tell him about those months after he left. “You were someone else’s husband” she goes with “but you were gone and I was…” she was in love with him and she was heartbroken. But she doesn’t want to tell him this way, when it’s about some other man, some other time, when she’d been trying so hard not to love him. So she changes direction again. “David Hayden was, in hindsight, a bit of a rebound” she admits with a deep blush. His large warm hand covers hers on their table and he squeezes it three times in quiet acceptance.
“I get it” he says. Olivia meets Elliot’s eyes and she knows he does. She meets his eyes and hears ‘but in a parallel universe’, hears ‘you can always fix things’, hears ‘I care for you’.
“Anyways it was short lived, he got a job offer that would have caused a conflict of interest and he chose the job” she tries to shrug it off, but it still stings and he sees it.
“He’s an idiot” Elliot says, “and so was I” he adds. Olivia accepts his silent apology and their evening shifts back to lightness and comfort, flirtation and anticipation.
When he walks her to her car she hugs him close, revels in the feeling of his hands settling over her hips and pulling her closer. She pushes a chaste kiss to his scruffed cheek when she says goodbye.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It’s Noah who gets them going. In the two weeks since the not-quite-a-date they’ve had lunch in her office, and now brunch with her son at the island in her kitchen. Elliot had looked a little sheepish when she’d answered the door, running clothes rumpled and doughnuts in hand.
“I was in the neighbourhood” he claimed with a shy grin. Olivia had laughed and invited him in.
“You drove in from LIC, went downtown for doughnuts from Chatter’s then all the way back up town to my doorstep?” She called him out. “That’s a lot of neighborhood, there partner” the tenderness in Elliot’s eyes told her he caught the reference, a shared memory of those early days. It stopped her breath, pulled her in, shorter in her bare feet she’d had to turn her face up to meet his gaze. His scent overwhelmed her, and she’d wondered if he’d reach for her, pull her close, share breath and press their lips…
“Elliot!” Noah’s exuberance had pulled them out of the moment, but Olivia finds she doesn’t mind because there had been so many years where this moment that follows - Elliot and Noah laughing over doughnuts at her kitchen island- had been so impossible she’d had to beat back the impulse to imagine it.
While Noah chatters, Olivia and Elliot smile at each other over their coffee cups, bump hips while he helps her put away their dishes and pack up the leftovers.
She wipes honey glaze and sprinkles from her son’s cheek over his protest, then repeats the motion on Elliot’s beard with a wink and puts her sugar-covered thumb to her mouth.
“Did you and my mom eat a lot of doughnuts when you were partners?” Noah asks. The answer sparks more heavy looks and heavily edited stories. Noah laps it up, these stories about his mom before she was his mom. He loves the way her face lights up, the way her eyes go soft when she looks at Elliot, the way Elliot beams at him whenever the old detective gets a belly laugh from Noah.
“He got shot in the butt!?” The preteen shrieks with laughter. Olivia laughs nervously with her son, watching him closely. She’s always avoided these kinds of stories, the ones that highlight the fact that she may not come home one day. Noah already knows this, has lived it, has seen her bruised and bandaged, has had his life upended by it regularly. But he seems ok now. With Elliot winding tales about their time as partners.
“Your Uncle Munch had to sit on a special pillow for weeks after that” Elliot offers by way of confirmation. Olivia releases a harsh laugh thinking about the decorative pillow she’d ended up wedging under her healing hip on long days. She’s glad for the private office that kept her from the same teasing their old friend received. “That’s how we met Dana Lewis, your Mom was fond of her, me? not so much?”
It all comes flooding back with the Agent’s name, and Olivia busies herself with her phone while her cheeks blush. Her son and her partner continue while memories buzz through her mind. She had been very fond of Dana. The woman commanded every room she walked into, and brought a frisson of excitement to Olivia whenever they’d crossed paths. They’d gone for drinks, they’d flirted, even called on each other every now and then. Indulgent, superficial, and physical. So very physical. Rough kisses and greedy hands, two powerful women recognizing a need in one another. Yet there were tender moments too. Soft comfort on the way up to the prison to confront the man who’d ordered Dana’s rape. Olivia had held her close the night before she testified, had given her the necklace she’d worn for years as a talisman.
Fearlessness.
Elliot seems surprised to find out that Noah doesn’t know the federal agent, his questioning gaze greets Olivia as she comes back into the moment.
She can’t tell him in front of Noah. So she just smiles and hopes he’ll drop the subject. The conversation moves on, and eventually her son asks to be excused leaving the partners alone. Smiling at one another across the sun-drenched kitchen. Their eyes tell one another they’re both remembering another time in this place. Olivia leans back into the counter beside her refrigerator and lets herself wonder - not for the first time - what might have happened had she not stopped herself last January. The charge is back. The one that had crackled in the air between them that night in January and earlier when she’d answered the door. This time it’s Elliot who blinks.
“What happened to Dana?” He asks, settling back against the island and effectively changing the subject.
“That’s a bit of a long story” Olivia shrugs, she’s not sure she wants to talk about it but she sees Elliot’s eyes widen and his face pale. He assumes the worst, which is natural in their line of work. “No!” She assures him “she’s alive, nothing like that” maybe worse, she thinks. But not that.
“You two were close is all” he says and it’s there, the suspicion she never confirmed or denied. She smiles. Maybe it’s time.
“I suppose we were” she’ll tell him, Olivia decides.“We understood each other, or at least I thought we did” Elliot’s head tilts in a very Olivia-like way, but she doesn’t comment. “We would cross paths every now and then, go for drinks, keep each other company, but the last time she turned up…” if she’s honest, the last time Dana Lewis turned up is still a bit jumbled in Olivia’s mind. Unprocessed. Another person who had forsaken the job that she had trouble separating from herself in a way that Lindstom finds fascinating, and perhaps a little frustrating. “I ended up arresting her for murder”
“She finally take out one of your new partners?” He asks. It’s an awkward attempt at levity but she awards him a pointed smile.
“Nick came out ok” Olivia tells him with a humourless laugh, then takes a deep breath and averts her gaze. “She killed a woman out of jealousy 20 years prior and made it look like a serial. It was shocking, that someone I was… intimate with could do something like that”
“Intimate?” Elliot’s eyebrows lifted, his expression curious and a little surprised.
“You didn’t know?” Olivia asks, not buying it. He shook his head, eyes staring off. Both think about ‘do I give you a gay vibe?’ and ‘you should give my wife a call’. “Is that a problem?” She pushes; suddenly nervous.
“No, I…” Elliot does a double take, shaking out whenever thoughts were preoccupying him before moving to close the distance between them. “well, maybe, but not that she’s a woman so much as she shot me, and got be shot, and got me blown up”
“Yeah well, she also tried to manipulate me into getting away with murder” Olivia shrugged. “The last time we…” she hesitates again glancing up at his eyes, blush heating her face “she lied to my face, then took me to bed like it was the easiest thing in the world to deceive me like that”
“I’m sorry” Elliot says for lack of anything better. His warm hands lift to grasp her biceps. The relatively innocent gesture had taken on a certain significance for Olivia years ago, when it was the only physical contact they allowed themselves outside of life and death situations. As always she lets his warmth radiate through her and takes comfort.
“Just another trust issue for the subscription” she jokes, he snorts quietly with her before pulling her into a light hug. Not the intense full body contact they’d shared after their not-quite-a-date, without the charge that had pulled at them when she’d answered the door. Just a light comforting embrace, proximity, warmth, and the gentle pressure of his hand still gripping her arm.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Truth be told he’s considered every single one of their encounters since his latest return ‘a date’. By Elliot’s count, this deli-lunch on a hard bench in the courthouse is date number four. He’s even gotten her a flower. Well, an icing flower on the cupcakes he added to his order in a sentimental fit of whimsy. This particular date was supposed to take place at a real restaurant with table service, but Olivia has been waiting to give testimony all morning and doesn’t want to go too far lest she finally be called. When she’d told him Elliot had been disappointed, assuming she was calling their lunch off all together, but a smile had blossomed across his face when she’d gone a little quiet, voice earnest and wanting down the line of the phone.
“I still have to eat” she’d said “and I’d still like to see you…”
It’s not that Elliot’s doubted her wanting to be here with him in this slow dance toward something they’ve both wanted longer than they should have. But he knows she doesn’t think of it as dating the way he does. He’s not offended, she has every right to be cautious with him. Still, her admission that she looked forward to their time together so much she’d rather move their lunch to this florescent lit basement hallway outside witness holding than postpone, it warms his chest with a sort of optimism.
Hope.
They talk softly, aware of the echo that can carry conversations farther than intended in this old building. They smile at each other, wide-eyed and remembering, as they swap sandwich halves and she plucks his extra pickle for herself without asking. He is a little sheepish when he admits his reasoning behind the cupcakes, and her eyes shine with joy and maybe a little teasing at the gesture. Olivia carefully moves the icing rose to a napkin and admires it while she downs the cake with a grin. She rests her hand against Elliot’s arm with a hum of appreciation for the treat. There’s a crumb of sweet lemon cake in the corner of her mouth that he’s decided he’s going to remove by leaning over and pressing his own lips to….
“Well would you look at that” a voice interrupts. So jarring and obnoxiously loud that Elliot startles, and turns to glare at the distraction only to stumble again. Olivia breathes sharply next to him. She’s removed her hand as though his skin burns her and Elliot watches tension climb up her spine.
“I’d heard you were back in town” Brian Cassidy aims at Elliot. Theres animosity barely contained and Elliot finds himself confused even as his own anger rises to meet it. Five minutes ago running into Brian Cassidy would have been a charming blast from the past; an opportunity to catch up. Now it’s clear Elliot isn’t working with all the same information. “The prodigal son returned” Cassidy sneers.
“Brian don’t” Olivia is up off the bench, stepping into Cassidy’s space and pushing her hand to his chest while the man continues to glare over her shoulder at Elliot. Jealousy flares. Challenge is building. Elliot stands to remind the younger man of his physical advantage.
“It’s good to see you too, Cassidy” Elliot forces is voice into something calm and causal. For Olivia’s sake. Because he doesn’t have all of the information here, though he’s got a pretty good guess, but he can see the distress on his partner and he chooses to feed the instinct to soothe her rather than the instinct to fight.
“And let me guess you just batted your pretty eyes and forgave him?” Cassidy directs at Olivia. Still resentful but softer, as though even in his anger he can’t fully commit to barbs against her.
“That’s not really your business Bri” Olivia defends softly. She takes a step back when it’s clear that Cassidy doesn’t plan to push forward but she doesn’t relax.
“Maybe it isn’t, but I guess it makes a guy wonder” Cassidy’s tone is crumbling fast, the heat replaces with deep hurt. “I had a moment of hesitation and it’s insurmountable but over a decade of neglect and he…?” The young investigator paces back, frenetic, a sad nervous laugh bubbling.
“That’s enough Brian” Olivia stammers moving forward again. “I thought we were in a good place last time we talked, I thought…”
“Thought what?” Cassidy laughed “that it wouldn’t hurt to know I was there during the worst time of your life, listening to you cry out for him in your nightmares, and yet here you are, a decade later, making gooey eyes over lunch like it’s the old desks in the 1-6?”
Elliot watched the verbal blow land on this partner. Watched her go rigid on impact then begin to shake with the effort of remaining upright. History he wasn’t aware of or not, he wouldn’t allow it.
Out in front of her he pushes into Cassidy’s space and smirks in satisfaction when the investigator gives ground, allowing Elliot to crowd him back away from Olivia.
“She told you she’s had enough” Elliot seethed “whatever grace she’s ever extended you, return it by leaving now” for a moment Brian looked like he might rally instead. Might actually try to get a swing in before Elliot squashed him like a bug. Instead his hands went up in surrender.
“Never nearly as much as she’s offered you” Cassidy said. “Hope you understand how fucking lucky you are”
“I do” Elliot assured the man as Cassidy turned a left.
“I’m sorry” Olivia’s voice whispered to get his attention. She was sitting now, one hand white-knuckled on the end of the bench while the other one rubbed at her chest. It was a habit she’d picked up in the time he was gone, a self-soothing gesture, and he wonders if he’d just been given a clue as to where it developed.
“Not your fault” Elliot insisted “you ok?” He’s back at her side in two long strides, but unsure. These last few weeks small touches have been exchanged often and casually, but suddenly he finds himself unsure. Olivia studies him from under her lashes for a moment.
“I need to be, before I get called” she says with a sigh. He watches her lean forward and take some long deap breaths, box breathing Elliot recognizes from the PTSD therapy he’s been taking seriously this time. It’s then he processes what Cassidy had said. Nightmares, worst time of her life, she’d called out for him and he hadn’t… suddenly his own vision is tunnelling but he pinches the webbing between his fingers and refocuses on her. He can’t make this about him right now.
“How’d you end up back with Cassidy?” He tries to keep the question light, but it earns him a light glare. Olivia breathes another minute and reaches a shaky hand for the can of sparkling water she’d had with her lunch. It’s almost empty, but enough to wet her tongue for now.
“Found him undercover on a trafficking case” her voice is tight and husky but he can see her shoulders relaxing down and away from her ears. “I’d been in a bit of a rut, miserable and snapping at my new partner and resisting the responsibilities Cragen wanted me to start taking on. He reminded me of those early days, and we…” she shrugs a bit.
“Got nostalgic?” Elliot fills in when she trails off. It earns him a humourless smirk.
“Maybe that’s why we started but…” she sighs and meets his eyes wistfully “he’s a good man, a bit of a man child but a good man. Everyone else was walking on egg shells around me, and he was the same sweet impulsive funny Brian, but that’s not all it was”
“What was it?” Elliot hopes his voice is soft and casual enough not to give away some of his less altruistic motives. He really does hope that in the time he was gone, Olivia was loved and supported and affirmed. Even if his jaw has always clenched just a little harder at the thought of anyone but him offering that to her. Even back when she’d been with Cassidy the first time. When he’d had no right. She throws him a suspicious look but breathes deeply again as though she’s going to answer him anyways.
“Captain Benson?” They’re interrupt before Olivia can formulate her reply, a uniformed court security guard smiling apologetically as if the young woman knows she’s interrupted something personal and important. Olivia breathes again, adjusts her blazer, and blindly smooths her hair.
“Sorry” she tells him. He thinks maybe she is a little, but more so she looks relieved. He shrugs with an easiness he doesn’t totally feel either.
“Good luck in there” he tells her with a smile. “Can I call you later?”
“You better” she smirks, and off she goes.
——
Later ends up being past midnight. He’d tried texting an apology about getting caught up at work but to his surprise she’d returned with a voice call claiming to have been awake anyways. Her voice is low and hoarse with disuse, and the rasp of it does something for Elliot he can’t quite put into words. It’s the change he’d noticed first when he came back, Olivia’s voice. He’d still know it anywhere. Recognize it down to his soul. But there’s layers of the years between them on top of it. While they work their way through greetings and small talk and ‘how did it go?’ Elliot remembers Cassidy’s words. How his partner had called out for him. The worst time of her life. Had her voice been changed by cries that went unanswered? He didn’t want to ask over the phone, and he wasn’t entirely sure how he would ask in person either. Of course it’s her who finds the bravery to breach the silence.
“Brian and I were together when something really bad happened to me” she whispers. He stills, goes silent but for his breathing on the line and waits for her to continue. Olivia clears her throat and her voice returns a little but stronger. “I don’t want to talk about it. I might never want to, but there are scars. Physical and psychological. I moved in with him, we moved in together. He was safe and while he struggled like he does with… with victims.” She sighs at the word and Elliot finds himself pacing out his sudden nervous energy to keep himself from interrupting, to keep himself present. Victim. Something really bad happened. She had been victimized. “He struggled but he was still him, and he still treated me the way he always had, and he was safe. But as I started to heal, it was clear we just wanted different things”
A million thoughts bounce around Elliot’s head, so fast he feels nauseous. He coughs against the feeling of his throat closing. She’s just told him she doesn’t want to talk about the bad thing. Doesn’t want to share the victimization. So he pushes aside the hurt. He knows she doesn’t owe him. He’d left her, it’s his fault he doesn’t know and he has to accept that she may never want to tell him. Instead he latches onto the first thought that doesn’t involve a million what-ifs and maybes and uninvited images from over a decade in SVU.
“What did you want?” Blood pumps in his ears, but he keeps breathing, and he hears her own breath relax when she realizes he isn’t going to push. She rewards his patience with trust.
“A family” she says. Like a confession. Something heavy she’s been carrying for a long time in silence.
“At one point I thought I might be… but I wasn’t, and he was so relieved and I just felt…” he waits her out again. “So sad” she says finally. Elliot feels the tingle of tears behind his eyes thinking of Olivia so close to the thing she’s always wanted only to feel like that door was closing.
“Me too” he says gruffly. “Now, I mean. With you. I’m sad you had to go through that”
“But around the same time I found Noah” Olivia offers. Her voice lifts with the motherly pride that’s ever present when her son is being discussed.
“Found?” It’s a weird way to put it. He knows Noah is adopted, but her words point to a more complicated story. Despite the late hour and the need for sleep itching behind his eyes, Elliot asks for the story and basks in the joy of Olivia as a mother as she tells him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Seeing her was a balm over the tightness that had settled low in his gut the moment he recognised the cold body of his young colleague in the dark. Since then everything’s only gotten worse and Elliot still isn’t sure he’s pulled in a full breath of air in the aftermath. But here she is. Olivia Benson with her cocked head and dime-sized pupils. Her empathy. He regrets the weeks he’s gone without reaching out, even though they both know he couldn’t. Despite them she’s here without him having to ask, here where he senses her eyes on him before he twists back to find her across the mosque in her stocking feet and loosely covered head. His lungs feel full for the first time, and tears tingle behind his eyes.
Crowded into the Bashir’s apartment after the service Elliot finally approaches. He, Reyes, and Vargas were delayed by the burial, but Olivia, Jet, and Bell have been helping Stacy greet other mourners. Guilt washes over him again. The young mother should be on bed rest with her husband doting on her, instead…
“Hi” Olivia’s voice is soft as he approaches. It’s only then Elliot realizes this isn’t the place to reach for her. Five dates (six if you count the visit to her office to warn her he was going under again) doesn’t make this official enough to do so. Not publicly. He slows his approach, hesitates, even if his team is suddenly watching them expectantly.
Olivia had been disappointed but understanding when he’d told her he was going under. She’d blinked back a flash of hurt, taken a deep breath, and jokingly asked him why there wasn’t a gift this time. He’d only blushed and presented a crumpled paper bag from behind his back. Her eyes had widened and her breath caught. It was a pastry - which she hit him for - a strong fist in his shoulder like she hadn’t done since long ago when they were partners. There’d been laughter and hope, and more importantly acknowledgement that when he came back they’d pick up right here where they’d left off. They were steadier now, more confident. This wasn't going to set them back, and she didn’t need more jewellery to trust it.
Olivia had walked him out that day and lingered with him on the corner outside the 1-6, asking him to be safe, to come home in one piece. She’d let him pull her in close and burry his nose in her hair. Let Elliot hold her and soak her in despite their proximity to the office.
Despite that memory,
It still surprises him that she’s the one to reach for him now. His team watching while she sees his hesitation and her hand slides into his anyways, and she steps confidently into his space.
“Hey partner” his reply is rough with grief and breathless with relief. Her smile settled over him and his shoulders dropped, posture relaxing. “Thanks for coming”
“Of course” Olivia murmured. She surprised him again and didn’t step away as he expected, simply turned herself toward the group while leaning into him and keeping firm hold of his hand. Her eyes caught Ayana’s with a soft understanding look. “Let me know if you need anything, Sargent Bell, it’s never easy to lose someone under your command”
“Thanks Captain” Ayana nodded, pressing her lips together while she leaned heavily against her cane. “Have you ever…” the younger woman seemed to realize mid-way through her question that this might not be the time or place to ask. But as always, Olivia met her with grace.
“Yeah” The Captain confirmed. Elliot leaned closer, squeezing her hand. He didn’t know that, and again he’s struck by how much he can feel as though he knows her better than he knows himself, and how much he still doesn’t know at all about those 10 years. “I was still a Lieutenant. My Sargent and I took a domestic call and…”
“The most dangerous call you can get” Reyes fills in with understanding, something haunting his gaze. The group all nods with understanding. Even Vargas, who tends to trust and understand algorithms and code better than human beings. Who’s never walked the beat a day in his life.
Even Vargas nods quietly in understanding.“That’s what his father said” Olivia sighed, “at the funeral, said we should have known” Elliot feels the tension spreading through her body next to his, and her hand slips out of his grasp for the first time. “But you can’t always know or predict” she pushes through, her touch moves to Ayanna's arm, her gaze intense “even a Lieutenant and a Sargent with a combined 25 years of experience can’t predict, and no one could have predicted what happened to Sam”
The group goes silent, Ayana nods, and they each look around as the rooms fill up with Sam’s family and friends. Sam and Stacy’s daughter toddles over and smiles shyly at Elliot until he lifts her to his shoulder and bounces her lovingly. The man has always been a sucker for babies. Food is served and more prayers are offered before the OCCB team and Olivia take their leave. Outside in the cooling night the group shivers while waiting for their respective ride shares.
“Mike Dodds” Ayana says when it’s just her and the two older cops. Olivia startles. “I worked with him in anti-crime, his dad was a blow hard and you shouldn’t take what he said..”“Oh” Olivia laughs as she realizes what this is “no I know that” she insists. “Chief Dodds and I were actually…” she trails off and glances nervously toward Elliot who looks a little lost, but still tuned into his partner. Both his partners. “William Dodds and I were close, I know it was grief that made him say that”
“I’m sorry” Ayana rushed, realizing she may have spoken out of turn.
“Close?” Elliot asked at the same time. Both reactions made Olivia laugh softly.
“He was definitely a blow hard” she said reassuringly to Ayana. “But he could also listen when it was warranted and in the end he put himself between me and the old boy network when he could have climbed the latter instead”. Understanding dawned in the Sargent's eyes as she put it all together.“That why he’s languishing in Sheepshead Bay?” Ayana asked, though her tone showed she knew the answer. Olivia just nodded as a car pulled up.
“This is us” Elliot said, head tilted to the car. Olivia smiled again at Ayana.To his credit he lets the ride share get several quiet blocks before he can't help himself.
"Close?" Elliot asks again. Olivia smirks and rolls her eyes.
"Close" she tells him. She doesn't mind him asking, but this is one relationship she was never really sure how to define. It was respect, and mutual grief, and understanding. It was also outrageously inappropriate. Olivia had known that then just as well as she knows it now.
"What does that mean exactly?" Elliot pushes gently. His tone is light, but they're both raw and tired. If he's looking for something easy to flirt about to take his mind off of the heartache they've just left Olivia isn't sure this is it.
"It doesn't mean anything" she sighs "He was my boss". Elliot's eyes widened in surprise, but it quickly softens into worry."He didn't..." every the SVU detective at heart. Olivia shakes her head again."NO" she says firmly "Nothing like that. He wasn't perfect, and he wasn't even particularly likeable much of the time, but he looked out for me at a time I wasn't sure who to trust, and at one time we became... close"The conversation is over by the time the car pulls up outside of Olivia's apartment, and again she grabs his hand when he hesitates and pulls him along with her. "I know you must be tired, you just got back, but can you stay for a while?""however long you like" he answers earnestly. Maybe the funeral of a fellow officer doesn't count as a date, but as they make their way inside Elliot decides that this invitation makes the rest of their evening one. His time away hadn't stalled them at all.