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Hajime bites hard.Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s not. It doesn’t really matter, because pain becomes pleasure in the haze of everything that unfurls between them and Tooru would never reject the chance of carrying it with him every time they part.Hajime kisses hard, too.His mouth, his neck, his thighs. Tooru buries his fingers in his hair, guides him to his skin, shows him where he wants him and then lets Hajime devour him with burning lips and honest touches.Hajime aches hard.Tooru feels it in his bones, in the bitter song they sing when they meet, and when they say goodbye, and every minute Tooru spends alone. Sweet, angry ache that travels through his nerves like a power surge; sweet, angry ache that comes aflame every time they touch again.It’s kind of ironic how Tooru has spent half his life fighting vulnerability and still he always comes back for more. It’s definitely ironic how they always feared distance would make them drift apart but it’s being close that’s destroying them now.Hajime loves hard, and maybe Tooru should have known it beforehand— should have seen it coming— because neither of them has ever done anything halfway, because there’s no way Hajime could not—But it’s easier to catch a plane with the dents of Hajime’s teeth on his nape, the scratches of Hajime’s nails over his back, the scent of Hajime’s skin on his clothes, and carry it all with him for five days until it disappears and pretend that that’s all there is to it.Hajime loves hard, and Tooru should have had a plan B, really, or be a little more brave or a little less selfish but it’s like tearing a wound open and then pressing your finger against it once and again and again and again and—Hajime loves hard, and Tooru wants to swallow the whole world up. He wants to conquer and then to relish his triumph, but Hajime loves him and all Tooru can do is cover in fear.Hajime loves him and Tooru could easily handle the world, but Hajime’s much more than that.Hajime loves him, and Tooru’s never learnt how to handle victory.It’s thrilling. It’s terrifying.It’s a downright mess, and every time they fall together into bed Tooru sees himself breaking them even further, teetering on the brink of falling apart. He wonders if there will ever be a way he can win without crushing others first.“I’m sorry,” Hajime says in the hall of San Juan’s airport before he heads to the security check. “I’m not making this any easier, am I?”Hajime loves hard, but Tooru’s always broken harder.“Hajime–” he warns, a lump in his throat.“Hey,” Hajime says, honest and easy. “You know whatever happens, I’ll always be here.”Tooru looks at him and—Hajime is everything. He is everything Tooru’s ever wanted. Everything he has ever hoped for.He is everything Tooru’s yearned for (incessantly, tirelessly, with tooth and nail and claws and oozing want).He is everything, and Tooru just doesn’t know what to do with it once he has it in his hands.“Just– Wait for me,” he suddenly breathes out, eyes closed and heart throbbing in (love, hope, pain). Until I’m ready, he thinks urgently. Until I learn how to do it right.“Wait for me a little longer,” he says, cut open and bleeding.Hajime looks at him and then wraps his hand around the back of Tooru’s neck like an anchor, a reassuring thumb stroking his jaw once, unwaveringly facing Tooru’s red-rimmed and defiant eyes.“Tooru,” he says, and all his incombustible and crushing love is held in that word alone. “What else do you think I’ve been doing all this time?”...