Work Text
2 months post despair, at a doctors office, kazuichi got the somber news that he would die early due to his disregard for his own health for, practically his entire life, but emphatically how he was during despair. he wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. every day was him making murder machines and passing out whenever.inhaling gunpowder constantly wasn't gonna do wonders for his respiratory system in the long run either. so he sat in the doctors office wondering why it was such a big deal that he would be dying a few years earlier. 'not a few years earlier, kazuichi. your quality of life will deteriorate in your late 30s, and you'll most definitely die in your 40's, which would have otherwise been in your 80's.' was what he was told. he didn't care at the time. 'take care of yourself and maybe you can hope to live until your early 50's.' he did his best. well, now he was 38. his quality of life had deteriorated, greatly. and now he cared. he had a husband now, a reason to live. fuyuhiko knew he was going to die early. 'agh, my back hurts..'kaz groaned, looking up at the ceiling. the memory of the doctor describing the process of kazuichi's health deteriorating was replayed in fuyuhiko's mind. 'chronic pains, insomnia and or hypersomnia, hypertension, fatigue, memory loss, cognitive decline..' chronic pains, fuck. he was dying. fuyuhiko's eyes sort of widened. having been married for over 12 years now, the thought of loosing kazuichi was petrifying.so petrifying in fact that his eyes started welling with tears and he felt sick to his stomach. 'fuck.' 'what?- woah- hiko, whats up?-'kazuichi asked, he looked so concerned and fuyuhiko couldn't comprehend why he wasn't worried about dying.i mean, he had to know, right? he must.. 'you.. you're gonna die, kaz-'he sort of stammered, he was so pale.he looked like he was dreading something. 'wha- huh..? sorry?'kazuichi looked at him with some confusion, then his eyes widened.'oh,, yeah. that.. but i'm not gonna die tonight, its no worries right now, right?'he asked with a comforting tone that made fuyuhiko feel like he was sinking into the bed.it was too uncaring.kazuichi did not care. 'yeah!- not tonight! but some day soon, in a few fucking years, kazuichi!'he sat up, gritting his teeth when he felt a tear fall. 'what- hey- no, calm down..'he muttered, sitting up and sort of opening his arms for a hug, a request.fuyuhiko accepted it, more than accepted it, he wanted it. he hugged his husband tightly. 'you just don't care, do you?!'he cried into his chest.he might've been going too far, but it sure felt like kazuichi truly didn't care about himself. 'wha- of course i care.. hey..'kazuichi frowned, hugging him tightly, squeezing him in a way. 'you- you don't! i can tell you don't!'fuyuhiko sobbed. 'yeah- yeah, i do, hiko. i really do, i mean.. it's not like i wanna die..'he trailed off. 'thats the bare minimum, you idiot..!'he said harshly, kaz winced a bit, but he didn't let go of the hug.'you're gonna die some day soon, and on that day i'll be left alone, forever! what, you think i'll find someone else?! fuck that, kazuichi! i want you! only you!'his voice strained as he sobbed into kazuichi's chest.'i fucking hate this! so much! you don't deserve this!' kazuichi teared up, he just pulled fuyuhiko up a bit and leaned his head on his shoulder.he didn't respond for a while, the room only filled with fuyuhiko's sniffles and sobs. 'you're gonna be gone one day. and i'll be all alone. i don't want to live a life without you.'he said in a tone that was more than alarming to kazuichi. 'ay. don't talk like that.. you'll push through, ya always do.'he frowned, his tone somber. 'only because you're with me! you're there to cheer me on, so i push through for you!'he sobbed. 'then do it for me again..'kaz mumbled, his head buried in fuyuhiko's collarbone. 'no! i can't, i just can't! not without you! i won't find anyone new, i won't find another genius who can map the stars out for me, or cook for me, or rant to me, or overlook every shitty thing about me because he loves me! i won't find another guy who would lay on my chest when he's overwhelmed, i won't find another guy to laugh at stupid movies with! i won't find another moron to get drunk with! i won't find another guy like you! even if i would, i wouldn't want him! you're my guy, kazuichi! i don't want any other one!!'fuyuhiko rambled, his sobbing deteriorated into hyperventilating and hiccups.kaz sniffled a bit. 'i can't do anything without you. i'm nothing without you, kazuichi. i don't want to ever have to live a day without you..'fuyuhiko had never felt so pathetic in his life, crying to his dying husband like this at 12 am. 'you'll be okay without me, hiko. please.'is what kazuichi would have said if he was a selfless person. but he wasn't. he was selfish, and what fuyuhiko said was borderline gratifying.he felt so loved. and special. but its not like he wanted fuyuhiko to kill himself after he died. well, maybe a little. they'd be together that way, but he wanted him to be happy, in whatever shape it would take, even if it was without him, or with another person. even if that thought made him sick to his stomach. fuyuhiko, with another person.fuyuhiko who would stroke his hair or put it into a ponytail, fuyuhiko who would encourage him to sleep earlier, fuyuhiko who would kill a hundred people if kazuichi so much as asked him to.fuyuhiko doing those things for another person. he couldn't fathom it.it felt surreal and downright disgusting to think about.so kazuichi was selfish for not saying anything. because he wanted fuyuhiko to love only him.he was like that. he started crying quietly. fuyuhiko held on tighter. 'i love you, kaz.'his voice was hoarse from crying and shouting.he was out of breath and he sounded so hurt. 'i love you too, hiko.'kazuchi whispered in a shaky voice.fuyuhiko pushed the hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear like he always did. careful on his hearing aid like always. he kissed the corner of his mouth like usual, then pulled him in for a real kiss. a normal, ordinary kiss. kazuichi sighed into the kiss like usual. 'i'm sorry for.. all of that. really. it just hurts. so, so bad.'fuyuhiko said, his voice cracking.he sniffled. 'i'm sorry i was so stupid. i really don't wanna die. i wish i could stay with ya forever.'kazuichi replied, referring to himself during despair.it wasn't like it was his fault, but still. 'you will be, baby. okay? i'll be with you forever- shit thats so corny,'fuyuhiko said softly, he chuckled a bit at his own cheesiness.kazuichi smiled, kissing his cheek. 'you're great at embarrassing me at the worst times,'kazuichi chuckled a bit. 'there will never be a bad time to embarrass you.' ... kazuichi kuzuryuu (has a nice ring to it, at least thats what kazuichi said when they first got married,) dead at 42. fuyuhiko kuzuryuu, dead at 42.