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The first time it happened, Chris didn't think much of it. There wasn't much to think about, really. Looking back, he's just shocked that he didn't put two and two together sooner.He, Matt, and Nick were sitting together on the couch watching some rom com they found on Matt's Netflix recommended. It was the beginning of February, so they were trying to get in the Valentine's spirit, but watching two fools suffer through four easily-avoidable misunderstandings was making them feel the exact opposite of lovey-dovey. They made it about twenty-five minutes in before Nick sighed dramatically and hit the pause button, turning to regard the other two questioningly."You guys wanna watch SpongeBob?" he asked defeatedly."Anything's better than this crap," Chris answered, massaging his temples. Turns out, rolling your eyes three-dozen times in half an hour is terrible for keeping headaches at bay."I kinda liked it," Matt mused, pouting exaggeratedly. He was clearly failing to hold back a smile."Shut the fuck up. No you didn't," Chris grinned, looking over at his brother fondly. Matt looked like a cozy burrito wrapped up in their fluffiest blanket, which Chris currently had about a quarter of. He didn't mind, though. He was warm enough.Matt gave in to the giggles, slumping against Chris's shoulder."It's fucking horrible," he agreed, laughing harder as Chris shoved him off playfully. Chris wasn't bothering to disguise his amusement. Everyone knew Matt's laugh was contagious."Who writes this shit?" Matt continued, undeterred by the shove. "I mean, how old is she supposed to be? Thirty-three? And she's out here talking about how 'nobody sees the real me,'" he mocked, doing his best impression of a hormonal teenage girl. "Come the fuck on.""Right? Like, who's fault is that, bitch? You clearly don't get out much," Nick added, cackling.The two went back and forth for a while, coming up with new and increasingly more creative ways to mock the protagonist and her gratuitous comments about the love interest's broad shoulders. Chris mostly listened, laughing along and chiming in with small quips here and there, but he was tired. He was more content to just watch Matt's eyes light up every time he came up with something that he knew would make the other two double over.Matt was more talkative off camera in general, but there were rare moments (usually after he'd chugged a Red Bull) when he really let loose, spewing out every hilarious thought that popped into his head. On a good day, he was fast enough to keep up with Nick when something's pissed him off. Chris lived for those moments. He lived to see Matt happy, possibly more than he should. Not that he'd ever say that out loud. Hell, it took him years to even admit it to himself."I swear to god, if they mentioned his fucking height one more time, I was going to hurl the remote through the screen," Matt exclaimed."Does someone wanna explain to me how they managed to fit every single cliche into the first ten fucking minutes? Cause that shit was impressive, not gonna lie," Nick responded, gesturing wildly."Oh my god, I bet if we keep watching..." Matt began, proceeding to list all the stereotypes he predicted the writers would squeeze into the last hour. At some point during the bitching session, Matt's legs had ended up on Chris's lap, and Chris found himself unable to lean over to grab his water bottle."Can you get that for me?" he mumbled while Matt was still talking, nodding his head towards the bottle.Matt didn't respond. He just reached out and grabbed it, passing it over without pausing his rant. Nick was laughing along, adding ideas he thought of here and there. Clearly, he wasn't as well versed in rom com cliches as Matt seemed to be. He liked seeing Matt happy, though. Maybe not the same way Chris did, but he liked it nonetheless.It was nearing four in the morning, and Chris didn't have nearly as much energy as the other two. He was sleepy. His brain was foggy and Matt was so fucking cute, and flirting with him was basically second nature at this point, so it should hardly come as a surprise that when Matt pressed the bottle into his hand, he slipped up."Thanks, sweetheart," he slurred quietly.Turns out, it very much did come as a surprise to Matt. Granted, Chris had never actually called him anything like that before. Usually, when he was playing around, it was always 'sweet cheeks,' or 'sugar lips,' or even 'huggy bear.' Things that really couldn't be taken seriously. Chris didn't think 'sweetheart' would be much different, but apparently he should have thought a little harder because Matt didn't react like he normally did. There was no playful shove or amused 'fuck off' or even an 'I'm sick of your shit, Chris.'Instead, Matt froze. He stuttered in the middle of a sentence about the best way to lean against a door frame and blushed so deeply the pink crawled under his shirt collar.Matt went unnaturally silent. He seemed to be struggling to even gather his thoughts. He cleared his throat, shutting his eyes and shaking his head gently like someone who suddenly got very light-headed."Umm... Sorry, I-" he started, looking confused. Shit, he looked disoriented.Chris put a hand on his shoulder, concerned. Matt jolted like he wanted to shake it off, but he caught himself. It still sent a twinge of pain through Chris's chest.He knew he'd fucked up, somehow. After so many years of calculated flirtations and careful tiptoeing, he'd finally crossed a line. And he wasn't sure how to make it better without talking about it, which might just be the most dangerous game he could play."What was that?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow at Matt.He was sitting too far away to hear what Chris had said. At least, Chris hoped he was. He really didn't mean to say it. He was just sleep deprived and wasn't thinking straight (and thank god for that, because he did not want to think about the fact that it was getting harder to hide it when his guard was down...)"I got a bad cramp out of nowhere. Must've been laughing too hard," Matt brushed off, smiling awkwardly.Nick looked skeptical at first, but he shrugged and turned his attention back to the screen to find his favorite Valentine's Day episode of SpongeBob.For a second, Chris wanted to believe Matt's cramp story. It would have made things a whole lot easier for both of them. Matt probably wanted him to believe it, too, but he couldn't. He knew what Matt looked like when he was in pain, and he knew what he looked like when he was uncomfortable. Chris couldn't pretend this was the former, and he couldn't pretend that his slip-up wasn't what caused the latter.What he could do, however, was get some sleep so it didn't happen again. He just hoped Matt wouldn't still be upset with him in the morning.He patted Matt's legs apologetically before moving them so he could force himself to stand."Where are you going?" Matt asked, pouting up at him. He didn't actually seem upset, Chris noticed. He definitely didn't want him to leave. . . Maybe Chris was making a way bigger deal out of this than it actually was. He just wouldn't say it again. Everything would be just fine as long as he didn't say it again."I'm literally about to pass out if I don't go to bed right now," Chris answered, stretching groggily."Just finish this one episode with us, please?" Matt asked.'Goddammit, he's too fucking cute,' Chris groaned internally. How the fuck was he supposed to say no to that?"Come on, I'll wake you up if you fall asleep and then we can all go sleep in my room," Matt suggested hopefully. He seemed to be in a loving mood and probably didn't want to be left alone. Chris smiled at him and yawned before sitting back down and letting Matt stretch his legs back over his lap."You two have fun with that. I'm not sleeping on your nasty-ass floor tonight," Nick announced, eyes fixed on the screen."Your floor is so much dirtier," Matt protested, throwing Chris's empty water bottle at him."Yeah, but my bed's not," Nick retorted, chucking the bottle back. He missed and ended up hitting Chris in the head."Hey!" Chris exclaimed, shifting to attack, but Matt's legs pressed down harder to stop him from moving. He clearly didn't think revenge was worth losing his footstool. Nick laughed at his predicament and Chris sighed fondly, settling back down.Twenty minutes later, Matt was patiently shaking him awake to go back to his room. Groaning, Chris allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and towards the bedroom, where they both collapsed on the mattress and barely made it under the covers before they were out cold. They both fell asleep knowing that in a couple hours, they would inevitably drift towards each other, and that when they woke up, Matt would be clinging to him like he was a giant Mr. Wrinkleton. It was never a big deal or anything. Well, it wasn't for Matt, at least. At this point, it was just natural for them.Everything was perfectly fine. So what if Matt doesn't like being called sweetheart? Chris just wouldn't say it again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was almost a week before it happened again. This time, not entirely by accident.This time, it was almost three in the afternoon, and Chris was wide awake. He was scrolling through his phone at the kitchen counter waiting for Matt to drag his nocturnal ass out of bed. Nick was in his room editing their latest vlog. Chris knew he wanted to pre-film a few more videos when Matt woke up because next week they'd be busy packing for their trip to Boston.Chris glanced at the oven clock, which was displaying a bright and blinking 2:56. Before he could look away, he saw the six change abruptly to a seven. He sighed deeply. If Matt wasn't awake in three minutes, he would have to wake him up manually.Waking Matt up was probably Chris's least favorite thing to do because it was quite the unpredictable adventure. Whenever Matt wasn't up by three o' clock (which was often), it fell to Chris to brave the dangers of his dark bedroom and throw open his blinds as dramatically as possible. Now, the reason this was so dangerous was because there were two different versions of Matt that could greet him upon his arrival.The first version would grumble and flop around and hide under the covers to escape the sunlight. When Chris then ripped them off of him again, he would tell him to 'get the fuck out' and then join him in the kitchen five minutes later looking grumpy and half-asleep. The second (and much more dangerous) version of Matt would also wake up grumpy, except instead of hiding and yelling, he would grab Chris by the wrist and tug him towards the bed until he climbed in with him.His blankets were always so warm and inviting, and Matt never failed to pull him closer and hide his face in Chris's neck, not saying a single word. Chris would lay there as long as Matt wanted (sometimes five minutes but more often twenty), trying not to think about the feeling of Matt's breath on his collarbone or how soft his hair was against his chin.Naturally, that just made him think about it more, and more, and more... and when Matt finally felt ready to face the world, Chris would slide out of his covers feeling disgusted with himself and make a quick escape before Matt could notice his raging hard-on.At 2:59, Chris took a deep breath and braced himself for the challenge ahead, but the roulette wheel was never spun that morning. He heard a sound and turned to find Matt standing by the fridge in his electric blue pajama bottoms, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. Chris let out a sigh of relief."Mornin' sunshine," Chris teased, grinning brightly.Matt choked in the middle of taking a sip and began coughing violently. Any juice that had made its way into his mouth quickly found itself decorating their kitchen floor.Chris stared on in shock as that familiar blush reappeared, crawling down Matt's neck and across his chest. This time, without a shirt on, Chris could see just how deep it really went. It came dangerously close to brushing his waistband. Before he could stop himself, Chris began to wonder what he could do to make it go all the way....He shook his head, coming back to reality. "The fuck was that?" he asked incredulously. "You're cleaning that shit up, man.""Choked," Matt offered weakly in explanation, setting his glass down to grab a couple paper towels. Unfortunately, when he ripped them off, his hand came back too quickly and knocked his orange juice off the counter. The glass hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces around his feet. Matt gasped, cringing at the feeling of juice between his toes."Geez, kid. What's up with you this morning?" Chris asked him, concerned. "Hang on. Don't move, I'm gonna grab the broom."Chris returned a minute later with the broom, dustpan, and some towels, and got to work clearing the way for Matt to move without cutting up his feet. As soon as he was freed, Matt bent down to help with the mess, but Chris shooed him away."Wash your fuckin' feet first, you psycho. You're just gonna get the floor stickier," he urged, shoving him gently away from the crime scene. When Matt returned, the job was already done."Sorry about that," he sighed, "and thanks for cleaning up. I really don't know what happened." Matt looked down at the floor, a small quirk that usually told Chris he was lying about something.Chris wasn't sure what he could be hiding. I mean, it's not like he didn't choke, that's exactly what happened. Chris had only said two words to him, so it's not like it was something he'd done.Unless... Chris thought back to that night on the couch."You sure?" Chris asked him curiously. "Come on, seriously. What's got you so distracted?" He punched him in the shoulder playfully."I'm not distracted, just tired probably," Matt responded, not retaliating as he usually would. Instead, he glanced down at his feet again.That really got Chris thinking. Matt didn't look uncomfortable like Chris had assumed he was the other night. He didn't look upset with Chris at all. He just looked... embarrassed. Ashamed.'What could he possibly be ashamed of? He's never felt that bad about breaking a glass before,' Chris contemplated. He followed Matt's gaze down to the ground, but something caught his eye on the way there.Matt was hard in his pajamas. Not very noticeably, but it looked like it had been going down for a while. Maybe since he'd first gotten up. Since he'd first stumbled into the kitchen.Chris remembered the other night again. Matt's bright blush and his cute stutter. The way his eyes practically glazed over from a single word. Those weren't things that happened to someone who was uncomfortable, were they?He had a theory. And when Chris Sturniolo has a theory, he can't not test it out."I'm fine, really," Matt was saying when he met his eyes again. Chris smirked, raising an eyebrow cockily at him."Whatever you say, honey," he teased. The effect was immediate.Matt's breath hitched audibly and the blush returned full-force. It hit his waistband impossibly fast, making Matt look almost feverish with his blown-out pupils and glassy eyes. When Chris saw his expression, he knew for sure that he was right. Well, his expression and the eye-catching erection that had also made a reappearance. Even better, it was clear that Matt could tell he knew everything from the way his lips were parted slightly in shock.Chris wanted to kiss the dumbfounded look off his face. Oh god, and to think that he caused it. He pushed his desires down, though. He wasn't egotistical enough to think he himself had anything to do with it. He figured he'd just found a few command words that worked no matter who used them. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't possibly."Uh, I-" Matt stuttered, his voice coming out much softer than usual. He bit his lip in embarrassment, seemingly out of excuses.Chris grinned triumphantly, the realization of what this meant finally setting in.If it didn't mean anything, then he could use it. He could have so much fucking fun. He knew it was wrong, but this newfound ability to have the same effect on Matt that Matt always seemed to have on him... it was too satisfying to give up.What he had now was ammunition, and he briefly remembered an old middle school teacher who'd pulled him aside one day and told him that his mouth was a loaded gun."Don't worry, sweetheart-""Chris," Matt whined, the unspoken 'stop' hanging in the air between them. Chris smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair affectionately before leaving him in the kitchen to get Nick and the camera."Your secret's safe with me."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chris had always known he was an obsessive person. When he got a new interest, he wouldn't shut up about it. When he found a new friend, he wouldn't leave them alone. When he found a new favorite shirt, he'd wear until it was torn and faded.When he found a new way to tease someone, he'd tease them until they broke.Later that night (or rather, that morning), the three boys were gathered in the kitchen, setting up for yet another blind baking video. It had been a while since they'd put one out, having upgraded to the triple threat of blind, deaf, and mute. They were feeling nostalgic, though, and not in the mood to tear each other's throats out, so Nick suggested they keep it simple.Chris and Matt hadn't spoken about that afternoon yet. They'd been with Nick since it happened, and even if they were alone, Chris had a feeling Matt would avoid bringing it up at all costs. That was fine by Chris. Actually, it was better for what he had planned."So, who wants to be our blind baker?" Nick asked when they'd gathered all their materials. Laid out on the counter was a large mixing bowl, three circular pans, a box of funfetti cake mix, canola oil and a whisk. The rest would be obtained throughout the video as needed."I think it's Matt's turn," Chris was quick to say. Actually, it was Chris's turn, but he was hoping it had been long enough since they'd filmed this series for the other two to lose track. Nick was easily convinced."Okay, Matt. Do you wanna start the video with the blindfold on or off?" Nick asked, accepting Matt's fate for him.Matt looked slightly taken aback, but he wasn't about to argue. Chris knew he must suspect something was up, but he went along with it to keep Nick from questioning them. While what had happened earlier wasn't exactly Matt's fault, it still wasn't information he was going to volunteer on account of it was fucking humiliating."Off," he answered with poorly disguised trepidation.Chris almost felt bad for him then (the key word there, of course, being almost), but it's not like he was actually hurting the boy. Hell, it could be argued that Matt really, really liked it.Soon, Nick had the camera rolling, and Chris stole Matt's sight away as soon as they'd finished the intro. He tried to ignore the power high he got while tying the bandana tightly behind his head. It's not like Chris was unfamiliar with his own sick fantasies. He'd always known he wanted to be the one in charge. It was just the fact that it was Matt...'That's nothin' new either,' a dark part of his brain supplied.'Shut the fuck up,' he shot back.Chris didn't begin his attack until they were about ten minutes into filming. He wanted to give Matt a chance to relax a little. Chris knew his reaction would be so much sweeter if he managed to catch him off guard. And watching him try to keep it together on camera? That might just be the best fucking part.God, Chris knew he was fucked up. He'd known since that lonely night a few years back when he'd finally admitted it to himself; that he was in love with Matt. He'd tried to forget about it. Pretend it never happened. But it's hard to deny something that made you sob into your pillow until the break of fucking dawn.Sometimes, he let himself remember, and in those moments all he could think was that he wished Matt had as many goddamn screws loose as he did. At some point, he'd stopped trying to change himself. He stopped wanting to. All he wanted now was Matt, anywhere, everywhere, all the fucking time.His growing obsession with Matt's hidden on-switch might have been alarming to him, had he not already been obsessed with everything else about his brother. It just so happened that his obsession was now a lot more... interactive.He finally struck when Nick went to search the pantry for the jar of frosting he'd bought less than a week ago. Matt was cracking three eggs into the mixing bowl while Chris supervised him. He managed to get the first one in the bowl on his own, completely shell-free. The second egg, however, seemed to be hovering too far to the left to land safely with the other one."Right a little?" Chris directed, smiling when Matt complied without hesitation. The egg was successfully deposited.Chris, standing a bit too close over Matt's shoulder, rubbed his back appreciatively. "Good boy," he purred in his ear, much too quiet for Nick or the camera to pick up. Matt must've heard it, though, because the third egg promptly fell from his hand and onto the floor. Thankfully, it hit his shoe and rolled off miraculously unscathed."Lucky," Chris pointed out, smirking. He bent down and picked the egg up, pressing it gently back into Matt's palm."Wanna try again, sweetheart?" he murmured. Matt was bright red at this point, and Chris was sure he was thankful for the relatively tall counter in front of him.'Just don't take a step back,' he thought, very much amused at the situation. Matt was able to get the third egg into the mixing bowl after a moment's hesitation, though the crack wasn't nearly as clean as the other two. Oh, well. A little extra calcium never hurt anyone.Nick finally returned with the misplaced frosting and immediately resumed yelling at Matt to "get the sides of the bowl, you're not mixing it well enough!" He was clearly oblivious to the situation, aided by the fact that Matt's cheeks were returning to their natural color.The three of them managed to get the cake layers in and out of the oven without too much difficulty, but they didn't allow themselves to relax just yet. They still needed Matt to decorate it. Chris used the frosting to stick the three layers together for him, but it was up to Matt to frost and bedazzle the outside.Chris watched him struggle to get it evenly spread for about three minutes before taking pity on him. Stepping up behind him again, Chris took Matt's hand that was holding the knife and began guiding it in smooth, fluid motions along the outside of the cake. Matt let him take the lead, allowing his hand to be guided wherever Chris thought the cake could use more frosting. It was looking much better already."Yeah, just like that. There you go," Chris was saying as they worked. It was technically against the rules for him to be helping like that, but Chris didn't really give a shit. It was all part of the plan. He lowered his voice to be inaudible again."Just like that. Good boy, Matt," he encouraged, his words dripping with condescension.Matt squeaked, turning it into a cough at the last minute. Chris stepped back, laughing delightedly."Gross, don't cough on the cake, dude," Nick scolded, looking over at them from where he was gathering sprinkles."Sorry," Matt choked out, looking like his knees were close to buckling. If Chris focused, he could just barely make out a small wet patch on the front of Matt's black sweatpants. It wouldn't be visible on camera, but Chris knew what to look for. Matt was stuck with the kind of hard-on that not even thoughts of naked grandparents could will away. If Chris said he didn't find that incredibly satisfying, it would be a dirty fucking lie.They struggled through the sprinkling process without any further mishaps, and finally finished the outro at around two-thirty. Nick was exhausted, and immediately left the kitchen to get the sleep they all desperately needed. Matt looked like he wanted to do the same, but Chris wasn't going to let him get out of cleaning up that easily.Chris handed him the empty cake mix box. "Recycle that for me?" he requested, turning to put some dishes in the sink. Matt didn't move from where he was standing, but Chris heard the familiar sound of something landing in the bin. He turned back towards Matt and wrapped him up in a hug from behind."Thanks, Matty," he whispered, squeezing him tighter. "You're such a good boy."Matt gasped, letting out a strangled groan that refused to be held back. With Matt in his arms, Chris could literally feel him heat up, and it was the hottest fucking thing he'd experienced in his entire life. It was a good thing he was standing there, too, because Matt's knees chose that exact moment to give out, and Chris had to lean back against the sink to keep them both from falling over."Fuck, Matty, you okay?" Chris had to ask. He was worried for a second he'd pushed things too far, and he was just waiting for Matt to get pissed and tell him to fuck off and cut the shit."Fine," he answered instead, his voice sounding uncomfortably strained. "I'm gonna go to bed. Night, Chris," he mumbled. With that, he forced himself to stand on his own and scampered out of the kitchen, but not before Chris noticed that the little wet spot on his pants had gotten a whole lot bigger.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chris was losing his fucking mind, he was sure of it. Like, what the fuck do you do when the stupid game you've been playing makes your brother come in his fucking pants?You stop, surely. That had to be taking things too far, right? Matt probably wouldn't talk to him for a week, maybe more, for what? Because Chris got off on humiliating him? Because he got addicted to the high of turning him on? That was crazy, it was fucking insane. Why did he ever think that would be a good idea?Chris hadn't moved from where he was leaning against the sink. He'd been spiraling for what felt like hours, but the microwave told him it was barely three o' clock.'Do I apologize?... How do I apologize? 'Hey, man, so sorry I pushed your buttons until you orgasmed in our fucking kitchen. Wanna go watch this new TV show with me?' Yeah, that would go swimmingly,' Chris stressed, his leg bouncing neurotically.Ultimately, he realized there was only one thing he could do to avoid losing Matt completely: wait for him to make the next move. Chris had no idea what Matt was thinking. He might not even be mad, just really, really embarrassed or something.'But how could he not be mad?' Chris thought dejectedly. 'We both know intentionally getting your brother hard isn't fucking normal. He probably feels violated. He probably never wants to talk to me again. Hell, he probably knows.'Well, there was only one way to find out: wait and see what things are like next time they talk. If they talk.Chris sighed, rubbing his eyes wearily. He wanted to scream. Maybe kick over the trashcan. It wouldn't do anything, though. It wouldn't make Matt want him. He swallowed the sob that was trying to climb out of his throat.
'Fuck, I need to get some sleep.'
The next morning, Chris woke up in a terrible mood. His room was cold and his blankets weren't doing shit without Matt there to warm them up. They didn't sleep together every night, only once or twice a week. Still, Chris was pissed because the one time he really needed him, Matt was nowhere to be found.And then he remembered why.Chris groaned, and rolled sluggishly out of bed to change into his favorite black hoodie and some sweatpants. It wasn't his best fit, but at least he was warmer. He wandered out of his ice-box of a bedroom and found Nick in the kitchen fiddling with their toaster."Is it broken again?" he asked, his voice still gravelly from sleep."Yeah, I think for good this time," Nick sighed, pushing it away from himself in defeat. "Will you wake Matt up? I really want a fuckin' bagel."Chris froze."Can't you just... eat one without toasting it?" he suggested carefully.Nick gaped at him, horrified."Are you trying to kill me? Fuck, no. Besides, I really wanna go back to that breakfast place we tried a couple months ago. That shit was good," he responded.Chris was getting nervous. He could remember about three times he'd successfully changed Nick's mind in their lifetime. Today was not going to be the forth, he could already feel it."Nick, it's not even ten yet. If I try to wake him up, Matt's gonna kill me," he argued. Maybe that was a bit too close to the truth."Sucks for both of you. Just get him up, Chris. Kid's gotta learn how to function on a normal schedule eventually. It'll be good practice," Nick urged, rolling his eyes."Why can't you do it?" Chris asked petulantly. He didn't care that he was being stubborn. All he cared about was not approaching Matt before he'd given him a chance to gather his thoughts. Nick huffed in frustration, running a hand through his hair."I'll do it, but I'm not gonna be nice about it like you would. If you want Matt to be pissed off all day, then fine."'He might be pissed off anyway,' Chris thought humorlessly. He considered the options. One the one hand, he could have Nick do it and they could keep dancing around each other until they were ready to talk. On the other hand... Matt had already been embarrassed enough for one week. He didn't deserve a glass of water to the face."Fine, I'll get him," Chris sighed, turning back towards his certain death."Thank you," Nick exclaimed sarcastically. "I'm gonna go get ready, tell him we're leaving at ten-thirty," he added, and then he disappeared up the stairs, leaving Chris alone to gather his courage.He hesitated for a long time outside Matt's door. He didn't know what to expect when he went in, and that terrified him. God, he missed when there were only two possibilities. Now, the list of potential versions of Matt was fucking endless.Chris wasn't sure what he was hoping for. Of course he didn't want to get yelled at, but he honestly thought he'd prefer it to Matt pretending like nothing happened. Like nothing ever happened. What if he decided to forget all the times they'd fallen asleep cuddled up together? Or all the times Chris had gone to sleep alone and Matt was there when he woke up?'What if I open this door, and Matt just wants to be normal?' Even the thought of it made Chris's heart feel like it was being torn into pieces. He took a deep breath.
'Only one way to find out.'
Chris turned the doorknob with trembling fingers, his whole body vibrating with nervous anticipation. The sight of Matt sleeping peacefully under his blankets was enough to make Chris feel choked up.'I can't lose that.' It was running through his head over and over like a mantra. He couldn't. He didn't think he could survive without him.He stepped lightly over to the window, careful not to alert Matt to his presence just yet. He braced himself for the big moment, but before he could let the light in, familiar slim fingers wrapped gently around his wrist.Startled, Chris turned towards the bed to find a pair of curious blue eyes staring up at him. His breath caught in his throat. He didn't want to move, afraid he would somehow remind Matt that he was pissed off. He didn't look pissed off, though. He didn't look disoriented either.When Chris felt Matt tug encouragingly on his wrist, he knew he'd have to be a fool to deny Matt what he obviously wanted. Not when he was looking at Chris so adoringly.Chris's heart was in his throat as he allowed Matt to pull him under the covers. He laid down like he usually did, letting Matt take his corresponding position with his leg thrown across Chris's and his face hidden in his neck. Chris wrapped an arm around Matt's shoulders, pulling him closer, but he was still tense. He couldn't help but wonder when the other shoe would finally drop."What time is it?" Matt grumbled, fighting a yawn."It's early," Chris answered, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Nick wants to go get bagels.""Don't we have bagels here?""Toaster's broken. He said we're leaving in thirty minutes.""Oh."Chris gave into the urge to run his fingers through Matt's hair. It was soft, as most things about him were. Matt shivered and snuggled in closer, making the ache in Chris's chest worsen considerably. Matt was being too good to him. He was willing to forget the last twenty-four hours and move forward like nothing happened. A stupid, selfish part of Chris didn't want to forget it, though. He didn't want to lose the power he'd found.But he could see it in Matt's eyes when he walked in. His little game was over. It had to be because Matt knew.He knew and he didn't care. He wasn't angry, at least. For Chris, it was the best case scenario, so why was he so tempted to fuck it all up again? One thing he knew for sure was that they couldn't go on not talking about it. It was tempting, sure, but it would never work. They'd go insane."Matt, I-" he started, but Matt shushed him, cutting him off. Chris fell silent. A few moments later, he tried again."Seriously-" Matt shushed him again. Chris sighed, tugging gently at Matt's hair in frustration.Matt made a small noise in protest, so he stopped. He knew his brother was just being stubborn, but he wasn't about to let them keep avoiding the problem. He needed Matt to let him apologize at least."Matt," he said forcefully, pulling Matt's hair to make him look Chris in the eyes. The smaller boy whined again, but this time, he was clearly the opposite of dismayed. He was wearing the same shocked, fucked-out expression he'd had in the kitchen the previous morning. Pretty, flushed cheeks; soft parted lips; desperate, pleading eyes. The second Chris saw him, he was a goner.He got high on the power again, bringing his other hand up to caress Matt's pretty face. Everything about his arousal was addicting. Chris was so turned on, so desperate to have Matt begging for him, he was practically salivating. All at once, his plan of abstinence went down the drain. Fuck him, he needed more."Baby, I need you to talk to me, kay?" he cooed.Matt moaned, his eyelids fluttering briefly. Chris almost snapped when he felt Matt twitch desperately against his thigh. It was taking every fucking ounce of his willpower not to grind up against him."Matt, baby, come on," Chris continued, stroking his thumb over Matt's delicate cheekbone."Chris," Matt whimpered. Chris wasn't sure what he was asking for, but fuck he'd give him everything he wanted.Matt's thigh squeezed Chris's legs hard, his cock pressed tightly against him, throbbing angrily. Chris could tell Matt wanted to move. He knew he wouldn't without permission, though. God, the thought of that sent electric shocks through his brain and down into his own growing erection.Chris brushed his thumb across Matt's lips, eyes glued to his face."You're so pretty, baby," he praised, in awe of the effect he'd managed to have on the boy.Matt let out another desperate whine, starting to get overwhelmed and teary-eyed. Chris took advantage of his lips parting further to dip the pad of his thumb into his mouth. He sucked in a sharp breath at the warm, wet feeling.Letting his eyes slip closed, Matt reached up to grab Chris's wrist, sliding his lips further down his thumb and suckling softly at it. Chris bit his lip so hard it almost bled, but it was necessary to keep from flipping them both over and fucking his brother into the mattress.Chris pulled his thumb back, but he didn't give Matt time to be disappointed before he replaced it with his middle and ring fingers. Matt moaned sweetly around the digits, letting Chris fuck them in and out of his mouth as he pleased. Chris stroked his tongue reverentially, fighting back a desperate groan."Good boy, Matt," he breathed, moving the hand in his hair down to press against the small of his back. Unable to fight it any more, Matt took the encouragement and began grinding his hips against Chris's thigh, panting and squeezing his eyes shut in concentration as he chased his release.Chris felt dangerously close to coming in his pants, but he knew he had to get Matt there first. Giving up on being gentle, he pushed his fingers to the back of Matt's throat, growling at the way Matt let himself be choked without hesitation. At the same time, the hand on his back moved to grope harshly at his ass as he rubbed his thigh hard against Matt's clothed cock.Matt tensed up and let out a strangled cry, and Chris felt come soak through his pants leg as Matt's release hit him hard."Fuck, baby. Oh, you're so fucking good," Chris groaned, pulling himself out of his sweatpants. He only had to stroke himself three times before he was coming across his stomach and all over Matt's bed sheets.They both laid there for a long time, coming down from their highs while they tried to figure out what the fuck had just happened. It would have been a perfect moment, but Chris glanced at the nightstand and saw that they had five minutes until they needed to leave.Gasping, he launched himself out of bed and threw open the blinds like he'd meant to do before all... that happened."Matt, get up. We gotta go,' he ordered, getting himself resituated before helping Matt onto his feet. He still looked a little dizzy, but he put on the clothes Chris threw at him and went to the bathroom when Chris suggested it. When he got back in the room, he seemed mostly back to normal.Chris went to leave before he remembered something and froze. He turned back towards Matt and pulled him in close to look him in the eyes."We're talking about this later, Matty, okay?" he promised, and then he ran to change into clothes that were a little less sticky.As he sprinted up the stairs, he found that he was unable to get rid of the stupid grin painted on his face.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After bagels, they spent some time in their favorite thrift store, per Nick's request. When Nick didn't find anything, they spent an hour in their second favorite thrift store. Then, when Nick still didn't find anything, they went to their third favorite, where he finally picked out a single pair of shorts.Oh, but after that, they had to swing by their local grocery store to replace the baking ingredients they'd used up in case they ever film another impromptu baking challenge. And by that point, they were hungry again, so they stopped by Taco Bell for an obnoxiously late lunch which they consumed silently in a mostly empty parking lot."You guys wanna go bowling after this?" Nick asked abruptly. The other two were caught off guard, and turned to stare at him with matching expressions of bewilderment."Fuck, no," Chris snapped. He might have been a bit too harsh, but a glance over at Matt told him the other boy was definitely in agreement. Matt may not have been as ready for the talk as Chris was, but he was still ready to go home."Damn, who pissed in your tacos?" Nick scoffed, glaring at him."Nick, we haven't been bowling in over a year," Matt reminded him, looking adorably confused. Nick rolled his eyes."That's why I want to go, dumbass!""Knock it off," Chris scolded, reaching out to hit Nick in the shoulder. "We've been out all day. If you call some friends, we'll give you a ride, but Matt and I are going home.""Okay," Nick grumbled, rubbing his shoulder defensively, "but I don't recall Matt asking you to speak for him, fucknut.""Yeah, well he didn't ask you to stand up for him, either," Matt sassed.Chris let out a startled laugh, reaching over the console to congratulate him with their secret handshake. Matt accepted it proudly, giggling at his reaction. Chris was comforted by the fact that no matter what happened, it seemed some things would always stay the same."I can ask him if it'll make you feel better," Chris said to Nick, grinning. He turned his attention back to Matt, leaning in to appear interested."Does Matty wanna go bowling?" he teased in a baby voice. Matt was dumbfounded, but he hid his slight blush with mock fear."Definitely not," he laughed, pushing Chris's face away from him. Chris was very entertained by his reaction, and he kept staring at him even as he addressed Nick in the backseat."And there you have it, folks!" he exclaimed, smirking. "Take us home, Matty!"Nick decided to just stay in for the night, and when they got back to the house, he was the first one out of the car. Matt had gathered their trash and was about to open his door when Chris pulled him back by the shoulder. Matt looked over at him expectantly."Come to my room when we get inside," Chris insisted. It wasn't a request. Matt, sensing this, nodded anxiously. Chris didn't want him to be anxious, but that was unfortunately overshadowed by his need to get him alone.When Chris saw his agreement, he released his shoulder and hopped out of the car. He made a beeline for his room, walking confidently but quickly so he'd be ready when Matt arrived. He didn't need to do much cleaning; it's not like Matt cared if his room was messy. Chris just had a feeling this was going to be difficult conversation for his brother, and he wanted him to be comfortable.He tidied up his sheets and threw an extra blanket on the bed with a couple stuffed animals just in case. Finally, he fluffed up his pillows and had just gotten himself situated on top of the covers when he looked up to find Matt standing sheepishly in the doorway.Chris smiled softly at him and held out his hand in invitation. Matt stepped fully into the room, turning to shut the door quietly behind him before coming closer. He allowed Chris to take his hand and guide him onto the bed beside him. The two sat there for a while just staring at each other. Matt was nervous. Chris was trying to be comforting, but truthfully, he had no idea where to begin. Surprisingly, it was Matt who broke the silence first."Chris, are you?... Do you-" he sighed, struggling to put what he wanted to ask into words."Matt, I'm in love with you," Chris confessed.He was shaking. He felt like hyperventilating. He'd never said the words out loud before. He'd never been able to. For years he'd been brushing it off, pushing it down, forcing it back, and now... Now, it was out in the open. Floating in the air between him and the very last person he thought he would tell. As the gravity of the situation dawned on him, he felt like his throat might close up to keep him from saying anything else ever again. Honestly, he might be glad if it did.Matt nodded his head contemplatively, looking down at his hands which were fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt."I thought so," he mumbled finally, refusing to look up at Chris.Chris felt his heart sink into his stomach. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he'd been expecting more than that. He already knew Matt had figured it out. That wasn't some big surprise. So, where was the rest of his reaction? For the second time that day, Chris found himself needing more."I know," he said gently. "Just like I know you know that isn't all we need to talk about.""What the fuck do you want me to say, Chris?" Matt demanded, whipping his head up meet his brother's eyes.Every rational part of Chris's brain was telling him to break down and beg for forgiveness, but what he saw on Matt's face forced him to stay strong. Matt wasn't angry. He wasn't upset. He didn't want Chris to apologize. He was terrified. That's all. He was just scared like Chris had been when he was fifteen and starting to wonder why his whole body lit up when he made Matt smile.Chris reached out to run a comforting hand through Matt's hair, stopping to rub the back of his neck reassuringly."I don't need you to say anything, Matty. I just need you to listen," Chris whispered, thumbing away the tears that slid gracefully down Matt's cheeks. It broke Chris's heart to see his brother cry, but he knew that if this conversation didn't happen, Matt would be crying a lot more for a long time."Look at me, Matt," Chris coaxed, tilting his head up with a hand under his chin. "Are you listening?"He got a nod."Good. Now, I'm not going to pretend to know what you're thinking, and I'm definitely not going to assume I know how you feel. All I can do is tell you what I'm thinking and how I feel and hope it helps you figure things out, okay?"Another nod. Matt looked away again. This time, Chris let him."I don't know exactly when my feelings for you changed," Chris started, clearing his throat nervously. "All I know is that I finally realized it about four and a half years ago. I was so fuckin' scared, Matt. I tried to deny it for so long. I tried to change it thousands of times, but... I guess it never worked. Fuck, it's always been you, Matty."Matt whimpered softly, his tears starting to fall faster. Chris laid down pulled Matt closer to him until he was curled into his side. He rubbed his back soothingly, giving him a moment to settle before he continued speaking."For so long, I would cling to all those nights in your bed and the way I could make you laugh. Every little thing I could get from you, I would take. But, god, it stopped being enough after a while. It was making me sick, Matty. This fucked up desire was tearing me to shreds every damn day, and. . ." Chris drew in a shaky breath, feeling his own tears threatening to spill over. Matt was still hiccuping quietly into his chest. "When I found out I could do that to you," he continued. "When I saw the effect I could have. . . I clung to that, too. I took advantage of you, Matt, and I'm so, so sorry. I was never meant to know that about you, and I should've just left it alone, but I didn't. Fuck, I couldn't."Chris was crying, now. He felt the tears escape his eyes and run down into his ears as he stared at the ceiling. It wasn't comfortable, but he didn't care. He just kept tracing his fingers along Matt's spine until he felt like he could look up at Chris again."I wasn't strong enough," he choked out. "And now, here we are."Matt's face finally reappeared, and the sight of his puffy red eyes and messy hair was the most gut-wrenching thing Chris had ever seen. He wanted to end it there; let Matt get some sleep, but he couldn't. They weren't done just yet."I need you to tell me how you're feeling, Matt. I need you to tell me, because what happened earlier? That wasn't one-sided. Usually, when someone accidentally gets turned on by their sibling, they don't stick around to get off. I know you wanted it, Matt. I just need you to think for a minute and then talk to me. Tell me why," Chris begged.Matt bit his lip hesitantly. Chris knew he would be having trouble thinking. Every part of his brain was telling him that those thoughts were unthinkable. Chris was patient, though. At least, he was with this."Nick calls me honey sometimes," Matt said at last, his voice wavering slightly. "He never makes me dizzy like you do."Chris's heartbeat picked up speed. He could feel it rising up out of his stomach as soon as he heard those words. For so long, he hadn't allowed himself to have hope, but now. . ."I-I know I love you, but how do I know if-"Chris kissed him. He cupped his face gently in his hands and pressed their lips together. Soft at first, so that they were barely touching, but it wasn't long before he let the five years of desperation take over. Matt responded with equal fervor, kissing back with everything he had. It was maddeningly hot, but the way they fit together felt so fucking innocent. The kiss was an endless dance, with how they would pull apart and fall back together over and over until they couldn't remember who's air they were breathing.Their lips may have been salty from all the tears, but god, Chris had never tasted anything sweeter.When they finally pulled apart, Matt was crying again, and that was all the conformation Chris needed. Matt leaned forward to brush their lips together one last time before he spoke."What do we do?"It was a good question. Chris definitely didn't have a solid answer. What do you do when you find out the man you've been in love with your whole life (who also happens to be your brother) might just love you back?"We do what feels right," he responded after a moment's consideration. "We don't have to label anything. We're still brothers. We're still best friends. Matty, we're still the same people. Remember when we told Nick he could love whoever he wanted and we wouldn't love him any less?""Yeah," Matt answered, smiling fondly at the memory despite the tears."Who's to say that doesn't apply to us, too?"Matt thought about it for a moment. "We wouldn't be able to tell Nick about it like he was able to tell us," he mentioned dejectedly."No," Chris agreed. "Not yet, at least. But that's okay. We'll just be us for a little while, and then we'll tell him when we think he's ready to hear it."Matt still looked hesitant, which was understandable considering he'd only known he was in love with Chris for about fifteen minutes. Chris wasn't about to give up, though. Not when Matt was so close to being his. He captured Matt's lips in another loving kiss, drawing it out for as long as he could before they had to come up for air."I just need you to say you're mine," he breathed, their faces barely an inch apart. He brushed the tears off his cheek again, tilting his head so they were resting with their mouths softly touching."That's all, Matty," he coaxed. "I'll take care of you, I promise. Just tell me you're mine."Matt's breath hitched, his eyes starting to well up again. Chris could tell he wanted it. He just needed to give in."I'm yours, Chris," he whispered, fighting back a sob.Chris's heart soared in victory, but outwardly he only shushed him sympathetically, petting his hair until Matt fell asleep safe in his arms."It's gonna be alright, love," he promised, quickly following his boy into unconsciousness.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Chris opened his eyes the next morning, the whole world felt extraordinarily typical. He was expecting to feel different, somehow, waking up next to Matt after their big talk. He was expecting himself to freak out, from fear or joy he wasn't entirely sure. Probably both, if he was being honest.He didn't freak out, though. Actually, he was close to freaking out just from how normal it felt to be with Matt like this. To finally hold him closer guilt-free. To be able to study his sleeping expression without dreading the moment he woke up. To press a lingering kiss to his forehead and bury his face in Matt's hair and just breath him in. It was new, that was for sure. But it also felt so fucking natural.Even though they weren't in their pajamas or under the covers, and the early morning light streaming in through the window was much paler than it usually was, it just felt like a regular Thursday morning. Without taking his eyes off Matt's peaceful form, Chris groped at the nightstand behind him for his phone, which told him it was only seven-thirty. He guessed that made sense, considering they'd fallen asleep before eight the night before.Unable to help himself, Chris opened his camera to snap a quick picture of the way Matt looked so comfortable in his arms. It was a great picture, one to be treasured forever, but he forgot to turn his volume off and he jolted as the sharp shutter sound filled the room. Matt shifted, grumbling quietly, and Chris felt him smile against his shoulder."Creep," Matt teased gruffly, draping an arm across Chris's waist and nuzzling into his side. Chris huffed in amusement, pulling Matt over until the smaller boy was laying completely on top of him and he could squeeze him as tight as he wanted."If you could see yourself right now, you would've done the same thing," Chris promised, kissing the top of his head. Matt smiled again, unable to fight it, and he hid his face shyly in Chris's chest. 'What are we doing today?" he asked, voice muffled by the thick fabric. Chris grinned at the adorable visual he made."Packing for Boston. Nick says he'll murder us very slowly if we don't."Matt's face popped up again, looking at Chris in confusion."I thought we weren't leaving until Sunday," he said, frowning."Apparently, we need three days to pack just to make sure we don't forget anything. As if we don't already have pretty much everything we need back home," Chris explained sarcastically.Matt groaned, not wanting to get up. "Fine," he sighed, moving to roll off of the other boy, but that just made Chris hold on tighter, not allowing him to escape."It's so early," Chris complained. "We've got all day to get it done. Stay for a second." Matt listened, relaxing back into his embrace."Good boy," Chris praised, kissing him on the forehead again. Matt let out a small sound, his body tensing up for a second before he practically melted in Chris's arms."I don't feel bad about that, anymore," Chris noticed, grinning proudly."Shut up," Matt mumbled, embarrassed. "You're gonna do that all the time now, aren't you?" he asked defeatedly."Don't pretend that you don't like it," Chris scolded affectionately."Oh, yeah, I love getting hard at the worst possible times," Matt sassed, raising an eyebrow at him."You do, though," Chris told him, smirking. "You can act innocent all you want, Matty, but I know you're as much of a freak as I am.""Am not," Matt whined petulantly."Uhuh, so you're saying if I called you that in front of all our friends, you wouldn't go home and jerk off thinkin' about it?"Matt's deep blush was all the answer he needed."Thought so," Chris teased, stroking his hair affectionately. "Don't worry, Matty. You're still my little angel," he purred, pulling his head back and tilting his chin up to kiss him sweetly on the mouth.Matt whined, the arousal practically radiating off him in waves. He chased after Chris's lips when he pulled away, making his smile brighten considerably.Chris loosened his hold on Matt, allowing him to fall back onto the bed beside him. A moment later, he'd switched their places, his knees forcing Matt's thighs apart so he could position himself between them. Chris tilted Matt's head to the side, attacking his neck with kisses and licks and little nips that made Matt gasp and tremble beneath him. He sucked a small bruise into his collarbone, working at it until it was a striking blend of purple and red. It was probably the prettiest thing Chris had ever seen. He sealed it lovingly with his tongue, smirking up at Matt who was watching him with flushed cheeks and wildly dilated pupils.Chris kissed his way back up to Matt's mouth and slotted their lips together messily, kissing him hard and impatient. He canted his hips down to rub their erections together, slipping his tongue past his boy's lips when they parted softly around a moan. Chris traced the roof of his mouth teasingly, delving deeper to explore every new inch of Matt he had access to. Matt gasped when he felt Chris bite at his bottom lip and use his tongue to sweetly soothe it. Matt was wiggling restlessly underneath him, and Chris started grinding against him in small rocking motions to ease the arousal that was threatening to consume Matt's body and soul. Matt sighed at the slight relief, pushing up to meet his gentle thrusts. Even through four layers of fabric, Chris could feel Matt's erection hard and pulsing against his. Chris tangled a hand in his hair and tugged, fucking his tongue as deep into his mouth as he could get it.Under all the attention, an endless stream of pretty sounds was constantly escaping Matt's throat, and Chris continued coaxing out as many as he could so he could swallow them whole. He repositioned Matt's thighs so they were wrapped tightly around his waist, grabbing at his ass so he could thrust against him properly. Matt's eyes rolled in pleasure, and he couldn't stop the moans and whimpers that spilled desperately from his lips.Chris pulled away from the kiss to hide his face in Matt's neck as they both chased their release."You're so fuckin' good, baby. Fuck," Chris growled, his thrusts growing erratic.Matt whined loudly, his thighs squeezing the life out of him as he got closer to the edge."Shit, angel, 'm so fuckin' close," Chris slurred, his cock aching and leaking obnoxiously in his underwear.From the way Matt was letting out desperate sounds every time they pushed their hips together, Chris could tell he was in the same boat. God, he was so close. He was literally seconds away from falling over the edge. His cock was pulsing thickly in anticipation and his breath was getting caught in his throat. Matt was shaking underneath him, moments away from his own release.And then there was a knock at the door."Don't be naked, Chris. I'm coming in!" Nick yelled, starting to slowly turn the doorknob.Chris had never moved faster in his entire life. Before Matt even registered what was happening, Chris was on the bed next to him with a blanket thrown over both of their laps and his phone in hand. If Nick had heard the desperate scramble, he chose not to mention it. He was a bit taken aback by Matt's presence though."Why are you awake?" he asked, clearly more surprised by that than the fact that he was in Chris's room."We fell asleep super early," Chris answered for him, praying Nick wouldn't notice their swollen lips and matching blushes."Good, so you must have plenty of energy to get packing," he cheered sarcastically. "If you're not done by tomorrow, I'm restricting your pepsi privileges," Nick threatened."What the fuck? How?" Chris asked incredulously. Nick shrugged. "I'll find a way," he said, and then he was gone, leaving the door wide open.Chris looked over at Matt, who had gone pale and seemed close to a panic attack. "This isn't right," he was mumbling to himself. "I knew this was a bad idea, it's so fucking wrong. Why did I ever think we could-" Matt sobbed. No tears were escaping, but he was gasping and his hands were shaking violently. He looked back at Chris, his eyes begging for help.Chris pulled the boy onto his lap, half-expecting to be pushed away, but Matt went willingly. "He almost found out," Matt stressed, still mostly talking to himself. "We can't do this, Chris, he's gonna find out" he whimpered, scratching at his arms in a frenzy.Chris remained calm, grabbing both his wrists in one hand while the other drew soothing circles on the back of his neck."We're gonna be okay, Matty," he promised. "Everything's gonna be fine.""B-but it's not right Chris, it's not normal-"Chris cut him off with a kiss. Matt didn't kiss back, but he did stop talking. Chris tried again. The second time, Matt responded hesitantly, his eyes falling shut on instinct. Satisfied, Chris pressed his lips to Matt's over and over and over until he finally began to relax. After a long, peaceful moment, he finally pulled away, kissing Matt's cheek one more time before he spoke."Did that feel wrong to you, baby?"Matt swallowed thickly, shaking his head."Good. It didn't feel wrong to me, either. I need you to let yourself have this, Matty. We deserve it, don't we?" he reasoned, looking pleadingly into Matt's hesitant eyes.Matt nodded slowly. Chris smiled adoringly at him, cupping the back of his neck in a possessive gesture."I love you, Matt." It wasn't like he'd never said those words before, but he couldn't help that they felt different coming out of his mouth now. Matt felt the difference, too. Chris could tell by the way he tensed up for a second, his scared expression coming back momentarily before slipping away again."I. . . I love you," Matt whispered back, as if the words might explode the second they left his mouth. Chris repositioned Matt so he was straddling his lap, and wrapped him up in a tight hug. Matt hugged him back with equal desperation, sliding his hands under the back of Chris's sweatshirt to get even closer. Chris shivered at the feeling of his cold fingertips, but he pulled back and tugged the garment over his head so Matt could feel him all he wanted.Matt was satisfied with this for a moment, but he quickly grew antsy and rid himself of his own sweater so they could be pressed together chest-to-chest. Chris let his hands wander over Matt's bare torso, exploring all his ridges and curves, all his different reactions. Matt bit his lip, huffing when Chris thumbed over one of his hardened nipples. Chris marveled at how someone could possibly be as perfect as the boy currently sitting on his lap."So beautiful," he breathed, watching Matt's blush spread across his chest. "So fuckin' pretty, baby."Matt shifted, embarrassed. "We have to pack, Chris," he whined, looking off to the side anxiously."In a minute, sweetheart." Chris pressed a light, teasing kiss to his neck. His heart purred at the feeling of Matt's cock twitching against his stomach. "Just wanna feel you for a second," he breathed, tracing patterns into Matt's ribs. Matt went silent again, letting Chris take what he wanted. "You're still mine, right angel?"". . . Still yours, Chris."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A week later, it was Valentine's Day, and the three boys were thrilled to be spending it with their family in Boston. After everything that had gone down, a trip home turned out to be just what they needed. Nick seemed so much more relaxed, Chris loved spending time with their friends and family, and Matt had only cried himself to sleep twice since they'd arrived. Things were really looking up!They'd been arguing nonstop about what to do for their Valentine's vlog until literally the night before, when they decided on a three-step plan to make love baskets for their parents and Justin. Their first step was a trip to CVS to gather materials.Nick was holding the camera while Matt and Chris ran through the aisles, seeing who could find the best gifts the fastest."Where the fuck is the chocolate?" Chris panicked, scanning the shelves wildly."Right in front of you, dumbass," Matt jeered, reaching around his brother to grab a bag of Reese's cups. Chris gasped."No!" he cried, much too loudly for proper convenience store etiquette, and immediately took off after Matt to steal the bag away from him. Matt dodged his attacks for a while, but Chris didn't care half as much about not knocking anything over, so he caught up to him soon enough. Before Matt could escape the skincare aisle, Chris's arms wrapped around him tightly from behind, stopping him from getting away. Matt was laughing brightly as he tried to hold the bag out of Chris's reach, pulling it away whenever the other boy would lunge for it. Nick was filming the whole ordeal, trying to get them to quiet down some, but both of them were too involved in their competition to pay attention."Give. Me. The Reese's," Chris demanded, gritting his teeth in mock frustration."Never!" Matt cried, managing to evade another one of his attempts to steal it."Matt, hand 'em over," Chris growled, painfully tightening his hold on Matt's chest. Matt grimaced momentarily, but he still seemed to be having fun. Chris was having fun, too, but he noticed that as the seconds ticked by, a sizable chunk of his pretend anger began to harden dangerously. Matt's defiance made his jaw tighten. He wouldn't say he was angry with the boy. Not exactly. It was more like a benevolent urge to make him be good again. Chris had never understood the common desire to 'put someone in their place,' but holy fuck was it starting to make sense. The smell of Matt's cologne was making his mouth water, but not like how he usually felt when he wanted to cuddle or make out. One glance at the pretty, pale skin of Matt's neck told him that he wanted to bite down. Claim him right in the dip where his neck met his shoulder, and do it hard. Maybe leave a mark. . . or a scar. "Matt," he warned, grabbing hold of the wrist that was keeping the chocolates away.Matt froze, sensing something in Chris's tone that scared him easily into submission. His grip slackened, and the chocolates fell to the floor, almost in slow motion.Chris cheered triumphantly, loosening his hold on Matt to grab the (thankfully, unbroken) bag from the floor. Matt still didn't move. He was looking at Chris with wide, attentive eyes full of anxiety and anticipation. He looked like he was waiting for something, and Chris felt fucking terrible because he knew what it was, but he couldn't give it to him with Nick right there and the camera rolling. Especially not when Nick was already giving him such a weird look.Chris struggled to keep his smile from dying awkwardly. He didn't want Nick to have to cut out that part of the video, not when it was such good content. He just had to keep pushing forward as naturally as possible."Victory is mine!" he cheered, making pretend crowd noises. Slowly, Matt regained his bearings and started laughing along with him. Chris could tell his whole heart wasn't in it, but he also knew the viewers wouldn't notice. Nick returned to normal, too, rolling his eyes at Chris and telling them both to get a move on so they could get to step two.Chris waited until they'd finished picking everything out and Nick had shut the camera off to start trying to make things right. They had finished paying and were about to head to the car when Chris spoke up."Nick, I'm gonna run to the bathroom real fast. Matt, wanna come?" he asked, nonchalant."Yeah, sure," Matt responded, wandering after him."I don't have to go. I'll wait in the car," Nick said, fidgeting with the camera settings. Evidently, the fates were on Chris's side.When the two boys entered the mercifully empty bathroom, Chris took Matt by the hand and led him into the big stall, pulling him into a hug as soon as the door was locked."Are you mad at me?" Matt asked into his chest."No," Chris answered quickly. "No, baby, I'm not mad, I promise. We were only playing around. Why would I be mad at you?"'Yeah, why would I be mad at him?' Chris's brain spat. He pushed the question away, turning his attention back to the nervous wreck he was holding."I was being annoying," Matt answered, sounding heartbreakingly guilt-ridden."You weren't being annoying, Matty," Chris promised him, kissing him on the head. "You're such a good boy."That was it. That was all he needed to hear. Chris desperately wished he could've given that to him when he'd first dropped the bag. It probably would've kept him from spiraling. 'No, you could've kept him from spiraling if you could ever keep your goddamn emotions in check.'Matt, oblivious to Chris's inner turmoil, was starting to relax. Chris rubbed his back lovingly, reassuring him until he felt Matt was ready to keep filming."I'm sorry, baby, I must've taken things a little too far," he apologized, leaning back against the wall so Matt could rest his full weight on him."I just thought you sounded angry," Matt responded comfortingly."I didn't hurt you, did I?" Chris asked, rubbing the smaller boy's chest where he'd been grabbing him. Matt shook his head, pulling Chris's arms back around him. Chris smiled, taking the hint and continuing to run his hand up and down Matt's spine. "You're my good boy, Matty. I could never be mad at you." Matt smiled, nuzzling Chris's shoulder happily. Chris could tell his words were having a bit too much of an effect on him, so he forced himself to halt the stream of praise. Unfortunately, Matt couldn't be too turned on (or fucked out, as Chris often referred to it) to continue the video.Back at the house, they'd set everything up in the kitchen and commenced the second part of their three-step plan: Assembly.They got to work on the four baskets (having decided to make one for Nate), showing the camera everything they got and explaining who it was for any why. Chris and Nick got in a jellybean fight when Nick decided to pre-remove the black ones as a thoughtful gesture (and definitely not because he secretly liked them).Chris found out the hard way that the darkest jelly beans also leave the darkest bruises. Who knew Nick could throw that fuckin' hard?"Chris, who's your Valentine?" Nick asked, obviously trying to provoke him. Chris glared at him theatrically before cracking a smile.'Honestly, there's really only one way I can answer that,' Chris thought, knowing that if he said nothing, the fans would suspect he was hiding a girlfriend, and if he said no one, the fans would think he was being salty. But, if he said. . ."Matt's my Valentine," and slapped him on the ass? Well, what could the fans possibly do with that?Matt yelped at the slap, smacking him on the shoulder in retaliation. Nick tried to look disgusted, but couldn't help but laugh at them."Yeah, okay, kid. Stop being a fuckin' weirdo," he reprimanded, throwing a stuffed rabbit at him. "Also, I'm pretty sure he has to consent to that," Nick pointed out. "You can't just declare someone your Valentine. This isn't the fuckin' fifteen-hundreds, dumbass."Chris rolled his eyes. "Fine," he answered cockily, turning to hand Matt the stuffed animal he'd caught."Matt? Will you be my Valentine?" he asked formally. Matt stared at him for a moment, his mouth open in shock. After a long, drawn out pause, he sighed."Sure, Chris. I'll be your Valentine," Matt agreed exasperatedly. Chris cheered, throwing an arm over his shoulders."See?" he bragged. "Matt's my hunny bunny.""That's horrible," Matt snorted, pushing Chris off of him. The other boy grinned teasingly, blowing him a kiss."I agree with Matt, that's fucking awful," Nick complained, hitting him with another jelly bean."Nick, stop throwing shit!" Chris snapped, shoving at his shoulder."Then don't fucking push me, dumbass!""Guys, it's Valentine's Day. Calm the fuck down," Matt urged, pulling them away from each other."Sorry, hunny bunny."Matt rolled his eyes, letting go of Chris's arm, but he couldn't completely hide his oh so familiar reaction. It wasn't as noticeable as it usually was, but it was there. 'Maybe it's just cause I said honey,' Chris thought, but then remembered the time he'd called Matt 'my little honeysuckle' in a car video and gotten no reaction at all. 'So, the other part?' Chris wondered. He didn't know if Matt would want to be called something like that. It seemed a little. . . dehumanizing.
'Unless, he's into that.'
Chris filed the word away for later testing and returned his focus to the basket-assembling.At last, the video was over. Their family's wholesome reaction to the gifts was perfectly captured, and the boys could finally relax.Matt and Chris retreated to Chris's old room for the evening, having just finished eating dinner and opening their one gift each from their parents (Chris got some new shoes he'd been wanting. Matt got a nice new sweater). Chris went to his shelf to put up his new white and orange air forces, but before he could turn back around to ask Matt what he wanted to do, he felt a warm body press up against his back.Chris smiled, turning his head back to kiss his boy appreciatively on the cheek. "Hey, bunny," he murmured, leaning back into him.Chris felt Matt's body temperature rise where they were pressed together. He smirked, satisfied that he'd been proven right."I wasn't sure how you'd feel about that one," Chris informed him, turning himself around so they were face to face.Matt shrugged, looking down at the ground."I'd never thought about it," he mumbled shyly."You just found out, too, huh?" Chris asked, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Matt leaned into his touch, nodding."I like it. It suits you."Matt scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You say that about all of them," he protested."Yeah, and it's always true," Chris defended, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.Matt laughed nervously, nibbling at his bottom lip. He was still avoiding eye contact. Chris knew Matt better than anyone, he was sure, so he recognized the signs instantly."There somethin' you want, love?" he asked sweetly.Matt nodded. Chris raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate. Instead of speaking, Matt put a hand on Chris's chest, and guided him gently until his back hit the wall next to his bookshelf. Here, they were in a nice corner, and would be mostly hidden from view should someone choose that moment to open the door. Chris had a feeling he knew where this was going, but he didn't say anything. He just let Matt move at the pace he was most comfortable with.Matt leaned in to kiss him, giving it a moment to heat up, but he pulled away when he felt Chris trace his tongue over his bottom lip. Chris was confused until he saw Matt begin to sink down onto his knees, looking up at him innocently. And yet, it was probably the dirtiest fuckin' thing Chris had ever witnessed.Matt reached up to hook his fingers into Chris's waistband, but Chris stopped him by grabbing onto his hand."I need you to use your words, Matty," he told him sternly. "I have to know you actually want this."Matt swallowed, looking so fucking needy just from being on his knees. His eyes were locked on Chris's growing erection as he spoke, his voice shaky with arousal."I want it," he whined, leaning forward involuntarily. "Please, I need it so bad."Chris released his hold on Matt's hand, allowing him to tug his sweatpants down his thighs, just enough to expose where his cock was steadily filling up in his boxers. Matt swayed forwards to mouth at his bulge worshipfully, stopping to lick kittenishly at the covered head. "Oh, fuck," Chris groaned, tangling a hand in Matt's hair. He pulled him closer to grind up against his face, unable to help himself when Matt was just so adorable. God, he wanted to ruin him. Matt moaned, licking a long stripe over Chris's clothed cock, soaking the fabric thoroughly. It felt fucking incredible, sure, but what really caused Chris to snap was the goddamn eye contact.He pulled Matt away from him impatiently, yanking down his own underwear and stroking himself a few times. Matt looked fucking memorized, with his shiny pink lips and eyes that were almost completely black with desire. Chris had always known he was big, but Matt's reaction was making him feel like some sort of greek god.Chris pulled Matt back in, rubbing the head of his cock tantalizingly against his lips. Matt whimpered, flicking his tongue out to catch a drop of precome that was left behind."You want it, bunny?" he cooed.Matt whined louder, shifting his hips desperately to find some sort of friction. "Please," he begged, flushed and teary-eyed. Chris took pity on him and nodded, loosening his grip on Matt's hair. The second Matt got permission, he took Chris into his mouth, stopping at first to suck desperately at the head. Every so often, he would pull back and swirl his tongue around the tip, dipping it into his slit like he was thirsty for what came out of it.Chris's head hit the wall behind him as Matt took him a little deeper. He had a hard time believing it was Matt's first time doing this. It felt so fucking good, he wasn't sure how long he was going to last. Then again, that could always just be because it was Matt doing it.Chris began to thrust gently into his mouth, gasping when Matt traced a prominent vein with his tongue. He looked up at Chris with so much love in his eyes, just letting him choke him on his cock as if it were the easiest thing in the world."Just like that, bunny, fuck," Chris gasped, holding Matt's head steady as he fucked in and out of his mouth. Matt gagged every time it the back of his throat, but he didn't seem to mind at all.Looking at Matt on his knees, it was so fucking obvious to Chris that he loved being used like this. He loved it, because all he needed was to be good for someone who could really take care of him.
'He loves me because I'm the only one who can give him what he needs.'
He growled possessively, thrusting into the wet heat of his boy's mouth twice more before he was coming, a deep groan ripping it's way out of his chest. Most of his cum made it down Matt's throat, but a few drops ended up on his chin as he pulled out. Chris wiped it off with his thumb, pushing it back past his lips. Matt cleaned it off graciously, moaning at the taste. Chris smirked, noticing the darkened fabric where Matt had managed to come completely untouched."What did I do to deserve you, baby?" he asked, helping Matt to his feet. Bracing himself, he scooped him up into his arms and carried him over to the bed, laying him down gently. Chris kissed him on the forehead, leaving the room to grab a warm washcloth so they could both get cleaned up.Chris helped Matt change into a pair of his old sweatpants, throwing his sticky ones into a corner to be dealt with later. Exhausted, Chris just tugged off his sweatshirt, crawling under the covers to join him. They found their usual positions on instinct, pulling each other closer until they felt like more like one whole person than the two halves that they usually were."You're so good, Matty. So fuckin' good," Chris praised, both of them already drifting."Love you," Matt mumbled sleepily."Love you more, bunny. Always."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chris was standing at the foot of the bed. The early morning sun was casting his shadow on the covers where he'd been laying a few hours prior. He studied it's familiar shape, watching enviously as it brushed against Matt's sleeping form. He took a step to the right, forcefully pulling it away.'You're fucking stupid,' the rational part of his brain supplied (or, what was left of it, anyway). 'It's literally a part of you.'Chris ignored it. Clutched in his hands was an expensive-looking box coated in soft blue velvet with an intricate gold logo on top. It was Matt's Valentine's Day present, and he'd left the house at six in the morning to pick it up without arousing suspicion. He knew it was a day late, but Chris had gotten it custom-made, and it hadn't been finished until the previous evening, when he'd been more or less. . . occupied.Lifting the cover carefully, his chest tightened when he saw it. It was so simple, but it was so fucking perfect.The gift was a dainty silver necklace with a modest little lock charm at the end of it. To anyone who wasn't Chris, it looked perfectly plain and masculine, like something Matt would pick out on his own. But, when you flipped it over. . .Chris stroked the lock's smooth surface in admiration before turning it around. On the back, he found a delicate engraving in his own (very best) handwriting.
Baby
Chris had been serious when he'd asked Matt to be his Valentine. He only hoped Matt was being serious when he'd said yes. With Chris's loving guidance, Matt had been coming to terms with his confusing feelings surprisingly quickly. Sure, he still ended up crying sometimes when they made out for too long, and he still shied away from his pretty reactions too often for Chris's liking, but he was undoubtedly getting better. That had definitely been proven the night before, when he'd finally been brave enough to ask for something he wanted. Most of the time, he pushed his troubling desires down until Chris was forced to use his dirty tricks (which he had a rapidly growing collection of) to pull them back up to the surface. After a long week and a half of steady coaxing, Matt finally seemed to want him more than he feared needing him.
'And that means he's really mine.'
And so he was. They still claimed they weren't using labels, but truthfully, they were using quite a few. Matt may not have been his boyfriend, or his lover, or even his 'brother with benefits,' but he was his angel. He was his sweetheart, and his bunny, and his good boy, and his baby. And, above all else, he was his. He wasn't entirely sure who he was to Matt, yet, but they'd burn that bridge when he brought it up randomly in conversation.He knew caretaker didn't sound quite right. Neither did just plain old 'dominant.' As much as he fucking loved feeling like he owned Matt, he didn't want the boy to only see him as his 'owner.'Matt shifted in his sleep, mumbling unintelligibly. Chris smiled. 'It doesn't matter,' he decided. 'As long as I'm needed.'He approached the bed cautiously, placing the box on his pillow so it would be the first thing Matt saw when he woke up. On top of the box, he set up a small folded note card. On the outside of the card, Matt's name was written in bold, red ink. When he opened it up, he would find a handwritten message. It was only four words.
Show me you're mine.
Chris brushed the sleeping boy's hair off his forehead, bending down to leave a ghost of a kiss against his skin. Then, he left the room.This way, Matt had a choice. If he came out wearing the necklace, that would make them more official than any pointless label ever could. If he didn't. . .
'You aren't the future he's imagining.'
'He's not a freak like you are.'
'He loves you, just not enough.'
'You can't give him what he needs if what he needs is to be normal.'Chris's worst fears were banging against the bars of their cage. He kept them locked up as best he could, but he found that he was often vulnerable when thinking of his brother. He closed his eyes tightly, leaning against the kitchen counter in front of him until his demons stopped crying out. Chris shook his head, taking a deep breath. Matt would choose the necklace. He was sure of it.In an odd way, the lock was like a promise. To Chris, it meant forever.Unfortunately, it was still early, and he was the only one awake, so he made his way over to the couch to wait for the rest of the house to gain consciousness. Bored, he opened his tiktok, deciding there was no better way to start his morning than by doomscrolling his terrors away. Within seconds, as if his phone was somehow reading his mind (which it probably was, if we're being honest), he stumbled across a video of a girl rating her favorite pet names. He kept watching, intrigued.Most of them he'd already heard and tested before, but there was one that really caught his attention: Babydoll.For some reason, that one did something to him. The girl on his screen said she wasn't a fan, but Chris paused the video to contemplate his own reaction.He thought about what it would be like to pick out Matt's clothes in the morning. He thought about feeding him when he was hungry but too tired to eat by himself. He thought about grabbing him and throwing him on the bed or pinning him against a wall or bending him over their dining room table. He thought about Matt being his to do whatever he wanted with, so sweet and compliant that he wouldn't care what happened to him. He'd just take it all, mindlessly moaning and whining with no regard for who might hear.The mere thought of it threatened to drive Chris to the brink of insanity. He was rapidly growing hard in his jeans, he noticed, but worse than that, he was antsy. He wanted to test it so bad, but he wasn't sure if Matt would like it as much as he did.
'It can't be much different from bunny, right? They both sound so sweetly degrading.'
Chris thought about it for a minute. He figured he'd test the waters first, see how Matt reacted to the vague idea.Standing up from the couch, he crept into Matt's unoccupied room, grabbing a nice pair of jeans and a cute green sweater with a white collar from his suitcase. He also grabbed socks and clean underwear just to be safe before sneaking back into his own room where Matt was still breathing evenly. He laid the folded clothes on the pillow beside the necklace box, hoping he would understand why they were there when he woke up. Chris was tempted to crawl back in the bed and kiss him until he opened his eyes like Sleeping Beauty. He knew he couldn't, though. He had to let Matt do this on his own.When he left the room again, he went to the kitchen to find that his mom and Nick were both awake.
'I must've been watching him for longer than I thought.'
They were working together to gather french toast ingredients, but they looked up and smiled at him when he entered the room. Once they'd all said their good mornings, Chris was quick to help them out, wanting a distraction while he waited for the big reveal. His job was dipping the bread in the egg wash and putting it on the pan for Nick to watch carefully and then flip. Marylou was chopping fruit for decorations.They had almost finished the job with miraculously little arguing when it happened. Matt trudged into the room, yawning and rubbing his eyes sleepily. Though he didn't often get dressed before breakfast, he wandered in wearing an adorable green sweater and baggy jeans that made his ass look fantastic. He had on everything Chris had set out for him, right down to the socks on his feet.Chris grinned, ignoring the way his cock twitched at the sweet sight, but any excitement he felt was instantly snuffed out when he noticed it. There was no lock around his neck.Chris froze, feeling all of a sudden like his world was turning to dust around him. He heard Nick and Marylou greeting Matt warmly, telling him he looked really nice that morning. He heard the voices as if he were miles away, though, or perhaps at the bottom of a swimming pool. His mouth was dry, and the last piece of bread was rapidly dissolving in the bowl in front of him.Matt smiled, giggling and thanking them politely. He seemed so untroubled. So nonchalant. So fucking oblivious to the fact that he'd just ruined Chris's only chance at a happy fucking ending.His jaw was tightly locked, his eyes unfocused. He didn't notice Matt walking over to him until there was a hand on his shoulder."I think that slice is soaked enough," he teased, watching bits of it break off and sink to the bottom of the bowl. Chris shook himself out of his daze, forcing himself to crack a small smile at Matt's joke.'It's his decision,' he reasserted. 'Don't you dare be mad at him for choosing a normal life.' He was upset, though. He couldn't help it. He was pissed at the world for making him fall in love with someone he could never have, and he was pissed at himself for getting so fucking hopeful. He felt dangerously close to tears, and was about to leave the kitchen to break down privately when Matt discreetly tugged his sweater to the side.There, resting beautifully on his perfectly sharp collarbone, was a dainty silver chain. Before he even had time to react, the four of them were joined by their dad and Justin, and they all sat down for a nice family breakfast. Chris couldn't really taste his over the mouthwatering sweetness of his relief. His eyes strayed from Matt probably twice throughout the whole meal, and he may have missed one too many questions that were directed at him. He didn't have time to care, though. He just needed to get his boy alone.Inside his brain, another war was going on. One side was overjoyed that Matt was still his and that he was being so careful to keep their relationship safe. The other, darker side of him was getting frustrated. He was sick of hiding after having to live with his own secret for so fucking long. He was pissed that Matt was too ashamed of them to make it even the slightest bit visible. Not even when no one would know what it meant. Matt needed him. He loved him. Hell, he even wanted him. But hiding the lock meant he didn't fucking want to, and Chris couldn't help but find that infuriating. It took Matt's eyes meeting his from across the table for him to realize he was being unreasonable. Chris softened his glare, guilt flooding his veins from Matt's nervous look.'He's still afraid,' Chris reminded himself. 'Just be gentle. He needs a little more encouragement, that's all.' Matt reminded him a lot of Trevor when they'd first brought him home. Just a scared little puppy thrown headfirst into brand new territory. It was gonna take him longer than a week to adjust, and that was okay.
'At least he's not pissing on the floor.'
The second their plates were cleared, Chris was making some dumbass excuse about needing to show Matt something and dragging him back into his room. He shut the door forcefully behind them, pushing Matt forwards to back him up against a wall. Matt was watching him anxiously. There was something about the way Chris was looking at him that seemed to put him on edge. Chris put a hand on the wall by Matt's head, boxing him in as the other dipped under his shirt collar to pull the chain out into the open."Leave it out," he murmured, flipping the lock over to admire it again. Something in his brain went wild at seeing his handwriting on Matt's body. It made him want to grab a pen and scratch his favorite words over every inch of skin he could reach (or maybe a tattoo gun would be more appropriate)."I can't, Chris," Matt whined, resting his hand over the other boy's where he was holding the charm."Yes, you can. Leave it out," he whispered, trying his hardest to maintain his patience."What if someone turns it over?""Who would do some shit like that?""Nick-""Then don't fucking let him," Chris snarled, his hand shooting up to press against Matt's throat. The smaller boy gasped, his eyes clouding over involuntarily. He looked startled, but also mildly turned on. Chris immediately relaxed his hold on Matt's neck, having surprised even himself with his reaction. Quick to rectify the situation, he moved his hand up to stroke Matt's cheek lovingly."Leave it out, please?" he asked innocently. "For me, Matty? No one's gonna know, baby. I just want to see it." He cupped Matt's face in his hands, kissing him very persuasively on the mouth. Not forgetting the other boy's reaction, he shifted his hand down to his neck once more, squeezing it experimentally. He bit at Matt's bottom lip, nibbling it affectionately before swiping his tongue over the plush skin. Matt bucked his hips into the air between them, chasing friction that never came. He sucked in a shaky breath, and Chris took the opportunity to slip his tongue past Matt's lips, forcing it deep into his mouth and cutting off his already limited oxygen. He dragged his tongue back slowly, rubbing it against Matt's and tracing it over his teeth as he pulled it out. He tightened his grip on Matt's neck one last time before letting go, leaving him gasping with arousal and relief."I-I'll leave it out," he whispered, clutching the lock as a self-soothing gesture. It truly warmed Chris's heart to see it."There's my good boy," he praised, pulling Matt into a tight hug. Matt buried his face in Chris's chest, whining when he felt Chris's thigh forcefully position itself between his own. Matt's back was still to the wall, leaving him completely trapped and at his brother's mercy. Their position reminded Chris of what he'd been thinking about earlier that morning."Did you like your clothes, honey?" he asked, much too casually for someone who was grinding his thigh against Matt's growing bulge.Matt jolted, throwing his head back against the wall in response to a well-placed thrust. "Uhuh," he answered, unable to stop himself from humping wantonly against his leg."Felt-, oh fuck, felt good," he gasped. "Liked you deciding f-for me," he confessed, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment."Yeah? You like being my little doll, Matty?" Chris asked, smirking and reaching down to grab at Matt's ass through the jeans he'd picked out for him.Matt whimpered, panting desperately as his words went straight to his sensitive, weeping cock. Chris hummed in satisfaction, slipping his hand down the back of Matt's pants to grope him more effectively. The smaller boy moaned when he felt a finger tease his hole through the thin fabric of his underwear, and he pushed back against Chris's hand looking utterly debauched."Please, Chris," Matt gasped, completely forgetting about the pressure on his cock from how needy he was to feel something inside him. Chris pushed him further, rubbing two fingers hard against his entrance. It almost felt like he was trying to force them in despite everything that was in the way. His baby mewled brokenly, his eyes rolling back into his head as he sobbed.Chris could tell Matt was getting close, so he reluctantly pulled his thigh back and removed his hand to keep him from coming too soon."I'm not finished with you yet, babydoll," Chris purred, positioning his hands just below Matt's ass. "Jump," he commanded, tapping his thigh encouragingly. Matt listened, allowing his brother to take him into his arms and carry him over to the bed.Chris fell forwards on top of Matt, causing him to giggle as he slid his hands under his sweater and left a trail of kisses down his neck. He got back between his legs, hooking Matt's thighs around his waist so he could press his painfully hard erection against his ass. Chris cursed at the relief, thrusting against him in a way that made them both feel filthy with desire."Fuck, baby, I want you so bad," Chris groaned, Matt's head almost smacking against his headboard from how forcefully he was pretend-fucking him. Chris couldn't tear his eyes away from the lock bouncing on Matt's chest, the delicate engraving on full display."Need you, Chris," Matt whined, hooking his ankles together to pull him in harder. "Please, give it to me. Fuck, please."And how could Chris say no to his boy when he always begged so sweetly?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Baby, if we do this, you're gonna have to be quiet, okay?"Matt squirmed beneath him, the feeling of Chris's cold fingertips against his nipples driving him half-mad. He nodded eagerly, desperate to be rid of some of the layers between them. Chris had been toying with him for almost twenty minutes, and somehow they were both still fully clothed.That was the thing about Chris's endless pool of creativity: He never ran out of ideas.Chris pinched his sensitive bud hard, twisting it until Matt cried out, his back arching into the delicious ache. Chris hummed in feigned disappointment."Don't lie to me, sweetheart. I need to know if I'm gonna have to shut you up later," he teased, pushing Matt's sweater up to soothe his pain. He flicked his tongue over the hardened nub, sucking at it apologetically. Matt keened, his hips trying to buck up against Chris's, but the hand on his waist held him down firmly."No, no, I'll be good. I can be quiet, p-promise," Matt pleaded, biting his lip to hold back a whimper. He threaded his fingers through Chris's hair to push his chest up against the dominant's tongue."Not sure I believe you, love," Chris confessed. With a single scrape of his teeth, Matt was gasping again, further proving his point. Chris chuckled contentedly, tugging Matt's sweater back down to shift his attention to his neck. He sucked a deep purple bruise onto his collarbone, signing it proudly with a kiss. "Don't hold back if you don't want to, angel," he whispered seductively. "If you start screaming, I'll just gag you with my underwear, kay?""Oh, um, o-okay," Matt breathed, shamefully aroused. His eyelids fluttered as Chris continued exploring his neck. He was kissing and licking at every inch of skin he could find, nipping at the sweet spots that always made his baby shiver. His softness didn't last very long, however. Anyone who knew Chris knew that his affection had always been liable to get a little. . . out of hand.When Chris's lips stumbled upon Matt's pulse point, he hesitated. The rapid beating beneath his jaw was memorizing, almost as if it were a part of him inside Matt's veins. 'I'ts only racing like that for me. His skin is only ever this fucking hot for me.'He felt hypnotized; out of control. His mouth flooded with saliva, and he could feel his arousal crawling up his throat and stealing the air from his lungs. He had enough of himself left to remember to cover Matt's mouth with his hand, but there wasn't nearly enough left after that to resist biting down.He bit hard, a couple inches under Matt's ear where the pulsing was loudest. All the restraint in his body was being channeled into not drawing blood, though so much of him was dying to make it permanent. Matt wailed into his palm, sobbing from the sharp pain even as he came abruptly in his pants.Chris was losing it, laving at the flesh caught between his teeth as spit soaked his chin and Matt's pretty, bruised neck. Low groans were escaping from deep in his throat, and he couldn't hold back from thrusting his aching cock against Matt's backside again (as he'd been doing earlier, but he'd had to stop when he got close).When he finally pried his jaw back open, the two neat rows of purple indents that greeted him scratched pleasantly at a six-year old itch in his brain. Belatedly, he uncovered Matt's face, letting him suck in a deep breath."You okay, baby?" Chris asked him worriedly. He hadn't intended to hurt him quite so badly. He was only really after the end result.Matt nodded, panting. His cheeks and lips were flushed cherry-red, his eyes wet and wide with submission. He was shaking, from the aftershocks of his sudden orgasm or from fear, Chris wasn't entirely sure."Words, Matty," he reprimanded. Matt swallowed thickly before he spoke, his voice trembling with his body."I'm okay, Chris.""Still want me to fuck you?" Chris asked, reaching out to play with the lock on Matt's chest."Yeah," Matt whined, embarrassed. Probably because he'd come in his pants like like a horny teenager for what, the fourth time that month? Chris didn't think he should feel bad, though, because he fucking loved it. He loved it because he knew he was the only one who would ever be able to do that to him.Chris popped the button on Matt's jeans and tugged the zipper down in a smooth, practiced motion. He tapped his hip to get him to lift up, and tugged his pants and underwear down his legs until he was left in just a sweater and his pretty necklace. Chris took a moment to admire his baby's softening dick. It wasn't small, but it wasn't very big either. It was pink and pretty and the tip was still shiny with his release. Chris bent down to clean it up some, licking a stripe up the bottom of it and swirling his tongue around the head. Matt's initial overstimulated hiss followed by a pleased sigh danced through his head in much the same way as his favorite song. He kissed the sensitive tip one more time before rising back up to give Matt a matching kiss on his lips. "Flip over for me, babydoll," he murmured, scooting back to give him room to obey. Matt turned around, getting on his hands and knees, looking nervous about being so exposed. Chris paused for a while just to admire him, staring until Matt was squirming under the intensity of his gaze before he got to work.He started by fixing Matt's position, forcing his head down until his arms buckled and his face was in the pillow beneath him. With a firm grip on the boy's hips, he pulled up a little and pushed down on the small of his back until he was beautifully arched. Chris rubbed his ass comfortingly, waiting for him to relax into the vulnerable display before continuing.He released his hold on Matt's waist to tug his own sweatshirt off, overheating from such a prolonged period of arousal. He got up on his knees behind Matt and leaned over him so his chest was flush against the other boy's back where his sweater was riding up. Matt's breath hitched at the searing contact, and he shifted beneath him when he felt Chris's clothed erection press against his bare hole. All of a sudden, there were fingers pressing insistently at his lips."Suck," Chris demanded, and he forced them deep inside his mouth the second Matt opened up for him.Obediently, Matt hollowed his cheeks around them and Chris groaned when a warm tongue slipped between the two digits, coating them both liberally in spit. Chris definitely could have done this part himself, but where was the fun in that?"Good boy, Matt," he praised, pulling his fingers back reluctantly. A thin string of saliva formed a bridge between them, proving that he had, in fact, done a very good job of it.At long last, he moved his hand down to rub one dampened fingertip against Matt's tightly furled entrance, drawing a startled moan from the boy. He pushed a little, dipping it in teasingly before pulling back, this time receiving an impatient whine."Have you ever touched yourself here, baby?" Chris asked, noticing how Matt seemed to be surprised at all of his own reactions. As expected, he shook his head, grunting when Chris teased him again. The most fucked up part of Chris's mind was thrilled by this revelation, happy knowing that no one had ever his baby like this. Not even himself.
'God, he's actually mine.'
Most of Matt's hard work had dried up by the time Chris was done playing with him, so he gathered up his own saliva and pulled his fingers back to let it fall from his mouth in a steady stream. Most of it landed directly above his entrance, and Chris watched hypnotized as it trickled down slowly to where it needed to be. Matt moaned brokenly at how dirty it felt, fully hard again and no less desperate than he'd been before."Don't worry, bunny. I'm gonna take such good care of you," Chris promised him. "I'm gonna make you feel so fuckin' good, princess." Finally reaching his breaking point, Chris re-soaked his own fingers before pushing one slowly into his boy's tight hole. He stroked Matt's back gently to distract him from the discomfort."S-say that again," Matt begged, his voice needy and high-pitched.Chris was a bit taken aback at first, trying to remember what he'd said exactly that was unusual. When it clicked, a pleased smile spread across his face."I don't know what you're talking about, princess," he teased, grinning when Matt practically turned to putty in his hands. "I like that one," he sighed."Trust me, sweetheart. I can tell."Chris continued pumping his finger in and out of his searing channel until Matt's pained expression faded and he was letting out breathy moans and whimpers. When Chris slipped a second finger in alongside the first, he barely needed any time to adjust at all. Chris curled his knuckles, prodding and searching until he brushed against something that made Matt cry out desperately."Shhhhh," Chris soothed, bending down to kiss between his shoulder blades. "That feel good, princess?"Matt nodded, his cock dripping onto the sheets below him in confirmation. Chris continued to attack that spot inside him for a while, petting and tapping it relentlessly until his boy was a panting mess. Matt whined when he pulled his fingers out, but he didn't have time to complain before he was being grabbed and flipped over onto his back."This is gonna hurt a little bit at first, baby," Chris informed him, pushing his thighs apart to get back between them before tugging his zipper down."I think I want it to," Matt whispered nervously.
'Good, cause I think I might want to hurt you, too. . .'
"That's okay, love. It's normal," Chris comforted, not entirely sure who he was speaking to. He hissed as he pulled his neglected cock from it's tight confines, not bothering to remove his pants completely. He was much too impatient for that."Ready, princess?" he murmured, positioning the blunt head at his entrance. He rubbed it up and down teasingly, watching Matt get redder from the humiliating sensation. The smaller boy bit his lip hard, spreading his thighs farther apart in invitation."Wan' it," he slurred sweetly.Chris spat on his hand to slick up his cock, sighing as he jerked it a few times to relieve some of the pressure. The spit mixed with the precome that was steadily dripping from his head was enough for him to guide himself slowly into his baby's stretched hole. Matt gasped when he felt the first inch go in, and he tensed up too much for Chris to proceed. Searching for a quick solution, Chris leaned down to grab Matt's jaw, holding his mouth open for him to kiss him deeply. He fucked his tongue in and out lazily, stroking it against the roof of his mouth or past his cheek. He tangled it with Matt's in a battle he always won, and celebrated by kissing and licking his swollen bottom lip. Matt moaned breathlessly into his mouth, the hypnotic wet sounds of their filthy "kiss" floating through the room. Finally, Matt was relaxed enough for Chris to keep pushing in, and as soon as his cockhead popped through the tight ring, Chris knew he wasn't going to last very long. Matt didn't tense up again, so he let go of his jaw and let his hand rest possessively on the boy's neck while he pushed in the rest of the way.Matt cried out at the final intrusion, the cock inside him perfectly shaped to nudge right up against his prostate on every thrust in."Fuck, baby, you're gonna kill me," Chris groaned, starting to move his hips in gentle rocking motions. "So fuckin' hot.""Fuck me, Chris. Please, harder," Matt begged, pushing his hips down to meet his little thrusts.Chris growled, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in unrestrained. Matt's eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned loud enough for the whole house to hear him, broken and helpless and
'Mine.'
Chris fucked him hard, relentlessly fast but still deep enough to hit his sweet spot every single time. He clamped his hand over Matt's uncontrollable mouth again, his cries muffled regretfully against his palm."So good, baby. So fucking good, fuck," Chris was rambling, praising the other boy nonstop as he drew closer to his release."God, you're so fuckin' tight. 'M so close, Matty," he groaned, panting desperately in his ear.Matt moaned in agreement behind his hand, looking so fucked out and so far gone that it made Chris feel a sick sense of pride. "Please, baby. Please, I need to hear it," he begged, so close to his release that he could practically taste it. He removed his hand from his boy's mouth briefly, putting it back on his neck and squeezing. Matt gasped shakily, quick to give him what he wanted."I'm yours, Chris. Oh, fuck, I'm yours, please."Chris gave Matt a few more hard thrusts before he came deep inside him, the depraved feeling of being filled so intensely sending Matt over the edge with him. He came hard on both their stomachs, unable to keep it from getting on his sweater.
'I did that to him. It was me.'
Chris shuddered through the final waves of his release before collapsing on top of the smaller boy, his softening cock slipping out as he rolled off. He laid on his back, pulling Matt to his chest in their favorite cuddling position.Matt didn't throw his leg over Chris like he usually did, though.Chris looked down at him to find that he looked completely spaced out. It was almost like his body was present but his mind was floating somewhere miles away. At first, Chris worried he'd done something wrong, but then he realized that Matt didn't look upset or afraid. He looked peaceful, like wherever he was, he was exactly where he wanted to be. Chris smiled, kissing him softly on the forehead before zipping himself up and running down the hall to get a washcloth and a water bottle for when he came back down to Earth. He was only gone for thirty seconds, maybe less, but when he reentered the room, what he saw made his heart sink through the floor.Nick was standing over his bed, staring at Matt. He was staring at Matt, who had a deep purple bite mark on his neck and hickies peeking out of his sweater, and come all over his stomach. Matt, with a shiny silver lock over his heart, flipped over to reveal a very special word in very familiar handwriting.Matt's eyes were shut, but they shot back open in terror when he heard Nick speak."Chris," he said, turning to look at him where he was standing in the doorway. Shockingly, he didn't sound angry, or surprised, or even confused. He sounded. . . heartbroken. Like he'd expected better of him. And that probably hurt worst of all.
"What did you do?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"What did you do?"
Chris was frozen in place. His heart was hammering desperately against his rib cage, trying to escape before it was ripped apart again. Matt scrambled to sit up, hugging his knees to his chest to cover himself. Chris could tell that Matt's clarity had been forced by his fear, and he still didn't look entirely present.He looked vulnerable. He looked like a scared little boy, and he looked at Nick like he was the fucking monster in his closet. A fierce protectiveness surged through Chris's body, dampening his panic enough for anger to slip through. The pitying, disappointed look Nick was giving him was sickening, and his body turned any shame he might've felt from it into a simmering rage."What are you talking about?" he asked through gritted teeth, his voice coming out much calmer than he'd expected.Nick scoffed, his laugh empty and disbelieving. "Don't play games, Chris. What did you do to him?" he asked. Finally, he was starting to look pissed off. That was good. It made it easier for Chris to fight back. He had to fight back, because Nick was going to try to take Matt away from him.
'So? Let him fucking try.'
"I think it's pretty damn obvious what happened," he spat, stepping confidently into the room and shutting the door behind him."Enlighten me, then, if you're so sure," Nick retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. The realization of what he was implying struck Chris like a knife to the stomach."Nick, you can't possibly think-""I really don't know what to think anymore.""I'm not a rapist," Chris growled."Yeah, and I'm not FUCKING STUPID!" Nick yelled, stomping over to where Chris was standing by the door."You really think I didn't know?" he continued, fuming. "You really think I could watch you interact with him for years, and not put two and two together? Chris, it's so fucking obvious. Hell, I probably knew you were obsessed with him before you did.""Then why didn't you-""WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY?"Matt whimpered, hiding his face in his knees. Chris wanted to slam Nick into a wall for scaring him like that, but he wouldn't. That would only scare him more."I guess we'd just hoped that you would always be too afraid to act on it. Looks like we overestimated your self-control," Nick said coldly.Chris scoffed in disbelief. "I DIDN'T FUCKING RAPE HIM!" he roared, shoving his brother hard in the chest. Nick stumbled back, glaring, but he didn't retaliate. "And who the fuck is 'we?'" Chris asked belatedly, his heart rate picking up again at the word choice."I told you it was obvious, didn't I?" Nick asked, pity seeping back into his expression. Chris wanted to rip it out. ". . . Mom and dad know. We talked about it, like, a year ago? I don't know about Justin, but he's probably at least thought about it."Chris froze again, his throat tightening dangerously, a common precondition to hyperventilating. He repressed it, taking a few slow, deep breaths as Nick kept talking."They still love you, Chris. We all do. We know it isn't your fault. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to think here," he explained. "I've seen the way you look at him. Like you would burn the whole fucking world to the ground for him, Chris. It's terrifying. There were days when I was just waiting for you to finally snap. For you to find a way to have him, no matter what it took. And the worst part is, I knew it wouldn't have been hard for you." Nick looked like he was getting nauseous just thinking about it. "I've always known Matt valued your opinion above everyone else's. The kid practically worshiped the ground you walked on when we were younger." His voice sounded strained and thick with emotion. "And you. . . Chris, you could sell a fucking picture book to a blind man. I was afraid because I knew you could get Matt to do anything for you. You could make him do anything, and you could convince him that he liked it.""Shut the fuck up," Chris growled, refusing to accept what he was implying. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.""Don't I?" Nick asked sadly. "You're saying that for as long as this has been going on, you haven't wondered for even a moment if you were what he really wanted?"Chris swallowed, gritting his teeth painfully. Various memories were darting through his head, as if they were mocking him for believing Matt could ever love him.
'I need you to let yourself have this, Matty.'
'Everything's gonna be just fine, baby. Be a good boy for me, okay?'
'Don't cry, angel. You're not sick. You were made for me. Just like I was made for you.'
'I'm the only one who can do this to you, right honey? You need me, don't you?'
'Show me you're mine.'
"Stop," Chris gasped, more to his own mind than his brother. There were tears in his eyes and a pounding in his head that was tearing him apart from the inside-out. "No, you're wrong. You're wrong. Matt loves me, I know he does. I wasn't making him do anything, I was giving him what he wanted."Nick sighed, nodding his head as if he hadn't expected Chris to respond any differently. Resolved, he turned away from him, walking towards Matt who was still trembling in his curled up position."Matt? Matt, honey?" Nick reached out to put a hand on his shoulder."Don't call me that," Matt hissed, flinching away from the touch. Nick looked hurt, but he backed up respectfully."Matt, I need you to be honest with me, okay?" Nick began, waiting for Matt to look him in the eyes before continuing. "When you and Chris were alone together. . . did you always want what happened to you?"There was a long pause, in which all three boys feared the next thing that would come out of his mouth."I. . . I don't know," Matt answered, tears streaming from his eyes uncontrollably as he hiccuped. "I don't know," he whispered again. Chris backed up until he hit the wall, everything seeming to move in slow motion. He sank to the floor, his pounding head cradled in his hands."No, no, no, no, please don't say that. Don't do this, Matt, please. I can't fucking-" Breath.He gasped, sobs racking his body even as his eyes remained dry. He was tugging at his hair in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the pain inside, thinking back to all those times he and Matt were together.
'He didn't want it. He never wanted it. God, I'm going crazy, how could I not tell that he DIDN'T FUCKING WANT IT?'
He wasn't sure how long he'd been spiraling before a voice managed to pull him out of the whirlwind."Chris. Chris." Nick was in front of him now, looking panicked and out of his element. He tried grabbing onto Chris's arm."Don't fucking touch me."Chris heaved in a few more deep breaths, swallowing his broken gasps until he felt stable. He felt oddly numb after the breakdown. Like he was ready to face the truth, whatever that may be.Nick looked completely done with him.
'Honestly, I'm pretty done with me too, brother dearest.'
"If you think you'll be alright on your own for a minute, I'm gonna need you to leave the room so I can talk to Matt. Everyone else left to run errands about an hour ago, so you don't have to worry about them. . . seeing you."Chris nodded, rubbing his hands over his face before he stood up on embarrassingly shaky legs."Fine," he conceded. "Just let me clean him up, first. He's not gonna let you do it."Nick agreed, not really wanting to talk to Matt when he was still naked from the waist down. Chris picked up the washcloth he'd dropped from the floor before making his way over to the bed. The fabric wasn't warm anymore, but it was still damp enough.Chris patted Matt's knee gently so he'd look up at him. Even in his emotionless state, those puffy red eyes still managed to break Chris's heart further."I need you to spread your legs for me, Matt," he said patiently. The sweet feeling he usually got when Matt obeyed him tasted bitter on his tongue now. He hoped that would pass eventually. He wouldn't be able to stand it if anything else was taken away from him.He used the cloth to clean Matt's stomach and backside, his jaw tensing when he had to wipe his own come from where it was steadily dripping out of the boy. Matt sucked in a sharp breath when the fabric rubbed over his aching hole. He blushed at the exposure, turning his head away."Chris, I'm sorry," he whispered after a long silence."Don't apologize," Chris answered robotically."Please don't be mad, I-""I'm not angry, Matt.""It's not that I-""Just stop talking," Chris snapped. He listened. The bitter taste returned.When he was done, he put Matt in one of his big sweatshirts and pajama pants, ignoring the lock around his neck entirely. He didn't have the strength to take it off. It was much better to pretend it wasn't there.Before he left the room, he caught a glimpse of Matt tugging at the chain and pulling the charm out to leave it laying openly on his chest. To avoid more heartache, he decided not to read into it.From where he had settled in the hall, he could only catch fragments of what was going on in the room. He mostly heard Nick's voice, with Matt responding to a question here and there. Chris didn't need to hear much to get the gist of it, though.
"Matt, did he ever. . . Are you sure. . . Know you think you love. . . Don't have to. . . So much more. . . Start a family. . ."
Chris banged his head against the wall behind him, hating how similar the speech was to the one he used to give himself when he was a few years younger.
'He doesn't have to be it for you, Chris. There are so many people out there you haven't met yet. There's still so much hope for your future.'
God, that had been such wishful fucking thinking. Chris's love for Matt was a part of him. It probably always had been. He almost broke down again at the realization that for the first time in almost three years, he wanted that part of him gone.Then, he heard Matt's voice come through the door, clear as a bell.
"That isn't what I want, Nick! Not anymore!"
Chris's breath caught in his throat. Matt's voice went quiet again, but Chris could tell he was still speaking. Oh, how badly he wanted to hear those words. A couple minutes after his boy went silent, Nick opened the door to leave the room. He stopped in front of Chris, looking down at him with an unreadable expression."You should go talk to him," he said. "I'm going to book us some earlier plane tickets so we can figure this mess out at home. I think it would probably be best if our parents didn't know I was letting you do this." And then he was gone, disappearing into his own room (probably to scream into his pillow after having to deal with those two fucked up idiots and their fucked up idiotic problems).Chris didn't let himself focus on the last part of his brother's statement. He didn't dare, but he did take Nick's advice and reentered the room to find Matt sitting up on the edge of the bed.Matt looked at him with hopeful eyes. Chris saw that he was clutching his lock and his heart gave a valiant effort to restart itself. Without speaking, Chris went to sit next to him on the bed. He wasn't sure what to say, but he also knew that after what had happened earlier, Matt wasn't going to speak without his permission.". . . You said you didn't know," Chris mumbled at last, not bothering to disguise the hurt in his voice. He saw Matt grimace out of the corner of his eye."Yeah," he admitted sadly. "And, it was true, but I need you to let me explain before you take it out of context."Chris looked over at him, giving him his full attention to encourage him to keep talking."The truth is, it's been hard for me to tell what I want recently. A lot of my memories of us together are memories of me being fucking terrified of the things you could do to me. I was so afraid of how good you could make me feel with a single word, sometimes just a single look. I guess I managed to convince myself that not wanting to want something was the same as not wanting it."Chris felt the words pumping life back into him, the warm throbbing in Matt's permanent corner of his heart a welcome sensation."In the end, it didn't matter, because I realized that even if I didn't want it, I still needed you. I needed every single thing you gave me from the names to the necklace to the fucking teeth marks. And you knew. Somehow, you knew even when I didn't and you were always so willing to give." Matt was crying again. This time, Chris was, too. His eyes were hot and his lips tasted salty, reminding him so much of their first kiss that had somehow only happened a little over a week ago."I don't know why it took s-seeing you so broken for me to realize that, but it did, and I'm so f-fucking done being afraid," he hiccuped, the guilt at what had just happened obviously eating him up inside. Chris shushed him, wrapping an arm around Matt's shoulders to pull him into a hug. Matt went willingly, burying his tear-stained face in Chris's neck."I love you, Chris," he sobbed. "So much that I can barely take it sometimes. And w-when I told Nick that you were all I wanted, he said that all he wanted was for us to be h-happy, and that he'd accept us if we promised n-not to hurt each other.""Oh, angel," Chris breathed, pulling the smaller boy onto his lap. He squeezed him so tightly he was worried he might break his promise already, but Matt didn't seem to mind, as he just hugged him back harder."I don't ever want to hurt you, Chris," he said, pulling away from the hug to wipe the bittersweet tears off his brother's face."I just wanna be yours."Chris sniffled, smiling softly as his body was flooded with adoration for the boy on top of him. "Aww, baby," he cooed, pulling Matt into an emotion-filled kiss. "You've always been mine."