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Sherlock
"Sherlock, look up"I tried my best to swallow down the bile building up my throat, this wasn't supposed to happen. Jhon was standing there at the very edge of the building, my mind reeled,my deductions coming to a halt at the dreadful sight.no
caring is not an advantage, Sherlock

NO
"Jhon...Jhon don't do this, there can be another way...""There is no other way sherlock" his voice was steady, full of steel, full of finality, Jhon Watson, ever the soldier."I was leeching off of you, the fame,the money everything that came from our work together""Jhon...you know that is a lie right? Why are you doing this?"My hands shook, my palms sweating so much that the hand holding the phone to my ear nearly slipped.He laughed, a single bark of dry laughter that held no humor or goodwill"It wasn't" his tone was gruff "I only chose to be your
friend" my breath hitched,his voice wavered, he was never good at lying"because of the benifit it brought along"
"Jhon...!""No sherlock" He spoke, voice harsh
"It wasn't real,neither our friendship nor my loyality none of it was"
Liar, I know you don't mean that.My eyes still stung,
Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock

Deep breaths, Deep breaths "Jhon, this isn't funny""Never said it was" his voice was devoid of emotion but his cerulian eyes held a storm, swirling with guilt and sadness, his lips settled in a thin line and he spoke again "Goodbye Sherlock"He threw the phone and it smashed against the ground"JHON!"His body swayed forward
I'll burn the heart out of you
"NO PLEASE!"My feet that once felt anchored to the ground moved on their own accord, I was charging towards the building, my senses numb, I was ready to catch him, as unfathomable as it sounded I was ready to do
anything
to keep him alive.My side erupted in pain, as i collided against the ground, a sickening thud was heard,a child on a cycle son of a-!
i groaned as I tried to get on my feet, my eyes flit forwards.
Jhon was on the ground,head split open, blood pooling everywhere.
"wait-! No!" i scurried on my feet, people surrounded him, someone was bringing a stretcher, someone was holding me back. "No,no,no,no,no" i tried to free myself from their grasp, their hands feeling like weighted chains, my vision doubled, my eyes stung "Jhon" i croaked "no I have to see him"
I will burn the heart out of you
The world caved in under my feet.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock

My head felt heavy as I watched them take Jhon away, blood rushed behind my ears and my vision turned white, my cheeks grew hot yet they felt damp at the same timeOhI was crying.The hands holding me back finally let go of me, i slumped to the ground.Jhon was gone forever

I will burn the heart out of you
Moriarity sneered, i screw my eyes shut, trying to drown out his voice, erase it but I couldn't access my mind palace, was it the shock? I wanted an escape, I couldn't handle it, my body shook violently, bile once again building up my throat but I couldn't stop it this time, i bent forward, retching out whatever that was there in my stomach.Warm hands carassed my back"Sherlock..!hey mate, easy, easy..." the voice was frantic, when did Lestrade get here? How long have I been on the ground like this?"J-Jhon he-!" I stammered

paaatheeticcc!
Moriarty sang, i couldn't stop crying, i couldn't bother putting on an indifferent mask.Lestrade's face pinched in a pained expression, eyes misty "it's going to be alright Sherlock..." His voice sounded watery "it'll be fine" it sounded more like he was convincing himself than he was convincing me. I shook my head violently."NOTHING
IS GOING TO BE FINE!"
I wailed as i attempted to push the DI away but he held onto me, pressing me flush against his chest, my struggle to get away futile, so i slumped against his chest and cried until I grew completely tired.I could have been clever, I could have solved things, only if I were quicker.
This is your fault brother mine, you were incompetent

Mycroft chided, he shook his head, heavily leaning on his umbrella, pulling out a key from his suit pocket,it was as big as my palm, glinting silver with the words Mind Palace engraved in small writing. Giving me a pointed look he spoke:
This ability is wasted on someone like you, seeing how drowned you are in sentiment,it will only do harm if you are to continue using it any longer.
He straightened his posture and walked away, firmly holding the key in one hand and disappearing from my mind's eye.At that point I knew I was rendered useless.A while later I was starting to lose consciousness when I felt someone carrying me in their arms, I was being seated in the back of some car and slight panic took over me, i opened my tired eyes and saw Lestrade looking at me with concern, as he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder "shh... it's just me, stay here for a while I'll come back in a mo' " he whispered and left in a hurry, Donovan stepping in his place near the car door.
I expected a scathing remark,some kind of mockery but instead I was covered in a warm blanket, a bright orange one, i looked up at her and her face that was usually in a scowl was now soft and... understanding?
She rubbed my shoulders which were shaking, which was even more surprising, she never had been kind to me in the slightest "rest" she whispered and stayed by my side for a while, i wanted to say something, that resting wouldn't undo whatever that had just happened, i wanted to scream but I was too tired, I was so frustrated at the situation and instead of screaming i ended up crying silently, sniffling every now and then, i really wished this was a dream, I wanted Jhon to come back, with his ugly jumpers and warm smile and his sparkling,cerulian eyes.I flinched slightly when I felt warm fingers wiping my tears away,it was Donovan again, i never in my life imagined that this woman would actually comfort me when I was making such a pathetic show of myself."Donavan! For the love of God can't you just leave him alo-! Oh..."I sniffled again as she patted my shoulder and moved away "then I'll leave him to you boss" she spoke softly and left after casting one final glance at me."Right..." Lestrade spoke as he handed me a kerchief,gingerly rubbing my back and moving to the front of the car after closing the door to the backseat i was situated in, he started up the engine and softly spoke "let's get you home", i tried my best to stay awake but soon lost consciousness, hoping that this was a horrible dream and that i'd wake up to Jhon waiting for me in the hall at our home,typing away in his laptop.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon

I didn't know it would break him to this extent, the memory of his face turning pale in horror brought tremors to my hands, my previously injured leg giving a dull throb.I took shallow breaths as i was being wheeled on a stretcher, the dead body bag slightly open to provide very limited air, it made my head dizzy, Sherlock's expression twisting in odd angles, morphing and twisting into some unidentifiable mass of skin and bones in my mind as i struggled to breathe.
stop panicking

i clenched my fists, nails digging into the flesh of my palms, im sure they'd leave marks, my right forearm was throbbing, the airbag only helped in minimising the impact of the fall, i couldn't completely avoid getting injured.Finally, the stretcher came to a halt, the zipper was pulled open and I abruptly sat up straight, taking in lungfuls of air but I felt a sharp pain just below my chest.ShitI broke a rib."You alright Jhon?" Molly's soft voice spoke, i turned to look at her, her brown eyes
uncertain and anxious. My shoulders slumped "M'fine...just..." i mumbled, i furrowed my brows my skin feeling itchy and sticky with the fake blood, I'm sure my hair was soaked in it too."Could you..." I coughed "tissues...could you get me some tissues or wet wipes? Anything to clean this up" i waved my hand to the side of my face and hair which was covered in fake blood.Molly nodded frantically, walking around the lab looking for wipes, snatching a few from a counter and then handing them to me "here""Thanks" i mumble "and give Mycroft a call...i think i broke a rib" i supplied, her brown eyes widened in shock "Oh! I don't really have
his number" her voice rose a few octaves in panic.I frowned, why wouldn't be keep contact with people who are actually a part of this plan?"That's not something to worry about Ms.Hooper, I'm always around when it comes to matters surrounding my brother" came in Mycroft's voice thight and formal.my head snapped up to him,he was dressed in one of his usual crisp suits, heavily leaning on his umbrella."Dr.Watson" he acknowledged, calculating eyes scanning over me, very much like sherlock but it felt rather unpleasant. "I see you have sustained some injuries, nothing to worry about" he added "we will be starting with the mission in the next two months, that's enough time for you to recover"
I sighed,starting to feel the beginning of a headache, i really wished things didn't have to go this way, i didn't expect sherlock to react so badly, my chest felt tight.
i have been reliably informed i don't have one (a heart)

But we both know that's not quite true
I felt guilty, he looked so vulnerable and scared, his walls crumbling, i realised that sherlock holmes was the most human, human to ever exist.
"Where is he now?" I asked and I saw something flash across Mycroft eyes, he composed himself before i could register it."He's with Lestrade" he answered "I'll have you moved to one of my privately owned hospitals for the time being, I want you to be prepared both physically and mentally for what's to come after these two months Dr.Watson,I'm sure you're capable enough, given your impressive feats in Afghanistan"He straightened his back, turning towards the doors. "Are you sure your Sherlock won't figure things out Mycroft?" I asked in a hurry.
He stopped in his tracks, body stiff, he turned to look at me and said
"Sherlock is rather incapacitated when blinded with sentiment Dr.Watson, as cruel as it sounds, there is no other way but to take advantage of said vulnerability in order to keep him safe"
With that said, he left, the lines of his shoulders rigid with stress.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
"Brilliant"A faint whisper, voice honeyed,warm.A flash of gold,Cerulean eyes sparkling with awe, hair shining like a golden halo, thin lips curving up in a blinding smile.Beautiful, Brilliant Jhon.Clad in a Cashmere jumper and jeans, sitting in his chair in the hall of 221B.
So close yet so far awayUntouchable,Unreachable
"So brilliant..." He whispered again, getting up from his chair and approaching me with sure, confident strides. The morning light painting him in captivating shades of gold,his smile warm and welcoming."So brilliant but..." His voice turned cold, i shuddered,the atmosphere of the flat took a shift, the hall turning dark,his glow dimmed, his smile morphing into a scowl "what's the use of it?" He sneered, approaching me still."You failed me sherlock" he glowered, his demeanour turning hostile as he caught me by my collar "you failed me you freak!" He spat,venom dripping from his voice.
Freak
my heart dropped to my stomach,of all the people I never expected Jhon to call me that.I groaned as he threw me against the ground and got on top of me, his first raised above his shoulders, i closed my eyes, ready for the impact but it never came.Something warm dripped on my face and i looked up hesitantly, my eyes focusing on his face again.
My blood ran cold
His head was split open, blood streaming down the side of his face, eyes bloodshot, half of his hair matted with blood, his body swayed, fist no longer raised, his features painted in a pained frown "your fault" he whispered, cerulean eyes growing dim as he collapsed on top of me.My eyes shot open and I abruptly sat up before i could even decipher my surroundings, my chest heaving up and down as i took heavy breaths, my silk shirt sticky with sweat, i cringed as i realised i hadn't changed out of my clothes, I pushed back the damp curls sticking to my forehead.I was greeted with the sight of the familiar green wallpaper of my bedroom.
Goodbye Sherlock

my eyes brimmed with tears as i slumped against the headboard, a sinking feeling in my Stomach.
I had woken up from one nightmare just to face another one.
I sniffled as i tried my best to hold back tears, taking steady breaths to help with the adrenaline rush from the nightmare, my body felt heavy like lead as i bent over to bury my face in my hands.
Your fault
I heard shuffling of feet, footsteps approaching my bed but I couldn't bother to look up as i felt both guilt and grief swallow me whole."Sherlock...?"
"J-just go away Lestrade"
"I'm not leaving you"I felt my anger spike
"If you are afraid that I might end up using again, then rest assured,I am too damn tired to even THINK about doing it!" I spat
The DI flinched at my outburst, his red rimmed eyes casting downwards in guilt, was he crying too?Silence stretched between us like a taut string, i buried my head back in my hands."Sherlock—!""Leave" i interjected
"Sherlock! I've already lost one friend and i don't want to lose ANOTHER alright! I don't care if you hate me for it but I'm not leaving you!"
"WE'RE NOT FRIENDS!"Lestrade screamed at me, his body looming over my bed in an intimidating manner"THAT WON'T WORK ON ME MATE! I'VE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR YEARS WETHER YOU ADMIT IT OR NOT!"I sent him a scathing glare that rivaled his own."Could you both just calm down?" Came a frail voice.Our heads snapped towards my bedroom door, Mrs.Hudson was leaning heavily against the doorframe, tears streaming down her face as she clutched a kerchief to her face."Jhon just died" she sobbed "is it really necessary to start a fight?" Her voice cracked at the end as she started wailing, her body
sliding down the frame, head in her hands.Lestrade rushed to her at once, hands rubbing her shoulder in a soothing manner, his breath uneven as he clearly tried to hold back his own tears "sorry" his voice was barely a whisper.I rubbed at my own tears harshly with the heel of my palms, my eyes then landing on my brother's annoyingly familiar shilloute, he was standing behind Lestrade and Mrs.Hudson,his face remained expressionless as he watched me with calculating eyes, he wanted to talk, i shot him a defiant glare and then looked away.
caring is not an advantage Sherlock

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon
I miss him already
Black hair twisting in my visionPrismatic eyes
Ever calculating
Beautiful like the moon, like a man made of silver dust, full lips streching in a smile, a smirk, a grimace, it was hard to take my eyes off of him.I wonder what happens in his pretty little head when he's sprawled out on the couch or sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, steepled fingers under his chin, eyes closed.Surely coming up with something brilliant to blow me away

Oh Jhon! Do keep up!
i felt my lips twitch as I look up at the ceiling while i stay sprawled over the bed of my room, well, it wasn't really mine, I was in one of Mycroft's safe houses, the two months in and out of the hospital were dreadful and throughout these months i could only think about him, longing and guilt eating me away.He was meant to be a sociopath wasn't he?
That's what he told me, I knew it was a lie but it would have been easier for me to leave if it were the truth, i wouldn't have to see him so afraid, so vulnerable.It still haunts me, being unable to move as I hear him calling my name, trying to pry away the people holding him in place.
Jhon!

No, I have to see him
I wanted to see him too, for one last time, I wanted to reach out and say it was all an act, i hoped he could at least deduce it.
Sherlock is rather incapacitated when he is blinded by sentiment Dr.watson
At least I know now as to why he was so loathe about the topic of sentiment as a whole.And it felt awful that I was the cause of thatThe alarm next to my bed rang, breaking my train of my thoughts, the clock reading 4:00 AM in bold red letters.I hadn't slept all night, Mycroft's words reverberate through my head
rest all you want Jhon, as soon as the mission starts there will scarcely be any luxury that you have now, it'll be hard to have warm baths, full meals, cozy beds and a good night's sleep, heal well, eat well and be prepared for what's to come.
As if i already don't know that, I've been to Afganistan, I've seen and lived through horrible things, horrible things which are enough for a lifetime.want to see some more?
I swing my legs onto the edge of the bed, pulling off my ratty grey T-shirt and making my way towards the bathroom, trying to push back the thoughts of prismatic eyes, curly hair and his deep, velvet voice.I run my hands through my freshly cropped hair, i had decided on growing it a little but knowing this mission isn't an easy one and in order to avoid getting my hair pulled by any offenders in the future,i had to begrudgingly cut it short again."Dr.Watson" came in Mycroft's reedy voice, as I moved to face him, he was in his suit, as immaculate as ever,his umbrella resting against the cemented floor, we were at one of his privately owned locations.A sleek and expensive looking white and black private jet waiting infront of us."It's time"
I shrug, tossing the duffel bag with needed items onto my shoulder"Wish me luck then""Do me a favour and come back alive doctor,for sherlock" Mycroft spoke, his voice uncharacteristically soft.My shoulders grew stiff "I'll try"He gave me a nod and moved to the side, giving me way to the jet.I was leaving a lot of things behind, 221B, Scotland Yard, Mrs.Hudson, Lestrade, Molly and even Sherlock, I am practically giving away my life but I am determined, if it means that in order to keep this little world of mine safe i have to leave, then so be it. Jhon Hamish Watson is dead to the world now and it will remain that way for a while, if i don't make it out alive then it'll remain that way forever but atleast I'll die knowing i did everything i could to keep them safe, to keep sherlock safe."Wishing you the best doctor watson""Take care of sherlock""I will"I gave him a nod and made my way to the jet awaiting me, it'll drop me off to my destination and I'll be on my own from then on.
into battle

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
i took slow,languorous breaths, my mind feeling fuzzy, beads of sweat forming on my forehead and upper lip my curls drenched in it along with my clothes, my back leaning against my bed frame as I sit on the cold floor.Two months
I've been trying to get access to my mind palace for two months but it's been impossible, the doors are locked, the windows bolted shut, my brother giving me a withering look from one of said windows, the silver key dangling from a chain attached to his waist-coat.I screamed at him, demanding him to handover the key but he'd simply shake his head in disapproval and walk away,it was annoying, I was the one who created this space, i was the one who had control over every part of my mind I could reach.My attempts at breaking in were useless, I'd immediately return to the real world, my mind forcefully being brought back to consciousness.Drugs wouldn't help, my body was suffering from the toll of the relentless abuse. My brother was the first to catch me, Mrs.Hudson's apparent distress from my unusual behaviour hadn't gone unnoticed by my insufferable brother who always had tabs on me.He had yanked me by my arm during one of my desperate attempts to stay at the gates of my mind palace longer with the aid of drugs as i tried to break in.he went so far to even brake my bedroom door to get in, the whole house was searched, all of the drugs along with paraphernalia related to it was confesticated, my bedroom door fixed except for the fact that the lock was removed so that I wouldn't do something reckless by locking myself in and I was promptly put under house arrest, not an official one, something akin to being grounded as a rebellious teenager but house arrest was more of an adult like term.And here I was going through a detoxMrs.Hudson would come cheking in once in a while, even Lestrade at times, i wouldn't talk to them no matter how much they tried to engage me in a conversation, I'd barely eat or drink anything the landlady would offer me, which wasn't anything new but she always looked like she'd burst into tears whenever she looked at my barely eaten plate of food that would force me to take a few more bites to placate her.I've never done that before, I was drowning in sentiment and grief, two of the worst things to ever happen to me.Jhon's funeral took a huge chunk out of my mental stability or whatever that was left of it.His parents cast me a scathing glare, even his sister, profanities were thrown my way and so were threats, it was my fault after all, if Jhon had never met someone as dangerous and reckless as me then this would've never happened, he would have been alive and they weren't wrong about it either, so i didn't do or say anything as his father held me by my collar and dragged me outside, i wasn't even allowed to attend his funeral, i couldn't see him for one last time.I think it is better than way, i don't know if I could keep it together if I saw him being buried underground, his body being confined to a wooden box. It's easier to cling onto the lie that he might still be alive, just too angry to want to meet me.I am crying again, i run my hand through my sweat slicked curls, pulling at them violently as I curl in on myself,the bed frame digging into my back, my teeth chewing onto my lip to the point it drew blood.I felt cold hands clasping my shoulders and forcing my body to sit upright, it took me a while to notice that I had passed out from exhaustion at some point when my panic attack died down, I was being shaken violently, someone was screaming something, it sounded muffled and distant.I tried hard to open my eyes that felt heavy like lead along with my limbs, it felt as if they were glued shut, the manhandling didn't stop, it grew in intensity instead and i tried hard and strained my ears to hear what my assailant was screaming at me."Lock-!""Sherlock!""Hmng-! Lestrade?" I croaked my voice weak and scratchy, my throat felt dry, i could finally open eyes into thin slits, the DI's silver hair the first thing that I had noticed, his brown eyes scanning my face with both panic and concern."Thank God! I thought I lost you there mate""What the hell Lestra-! Hey!" I yelped as he hooked the back of my knees onto his left palm,his right forearm supporting my shoulders and back, his hand clasping firmly on my left shoulder, and
effortlessly lifting me off the ground,carrying me bridal style.A teary eyed Mrs.Hudson slumped against the bedroom door in relief, she had been crying a lot lately but so was i.
"Lestrade put me down" i groaned, it wasn't the first time Lestrade had carried me as such, he had assisted me through detoxes nearly a decade ago and it felt horrible knowing I was back to square one."I don't think you can walk in this state Sherlock" The D.I countered, his grip on me getting tighter."Where are you taking me?"
"Bathroom, you need to take a proper bath""You better close the door on your way out""Sure, when you collapse on your arse due to exhaustion and hurt yourself I will take you to the hospital then" he drawled"Lestrade—!""I will put you in the bathtub, Mrs.Hudson prepared the bath for you, I'll help you settle in and wait outside the door and you do your business, I won't be looking""You came here to help me with a fucking bath!? I'm not that far gone Lestrade!" I bristled
He didn't respond and simply kicked open the door and carefully sat me on the bathtub's edge, the steam from the water warming my skin."If you need help with washing your hair just call me, I'll also shave your beard for you""You think I'll cut myse—!?""You said something similar about drugs and here we are" Lestrade's voice was cold as he shot me stern look.My shoulders slumped, a torrent of emotions running through my body, I was so
frustrated."I hate you" i whispered as he turned around, his body going stiff."You're welcome sherlock" he sighed and walked through the door, stopping a few steps away from said door, his back still facing me, "get on with it then"I felt exhausted, as much as I hated this babying, the sweat soaked shirt and my mussed hair made me feel filthy, making me feel all the more dreadful, so I peeled the clothes off of me, my thoughts going back to Jhon, his body lying limp on the floor, bleeding.
Goodbye Sherlock

I fell backwards into the tub, water engulfing me.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon

• one month in
India was a fascinating place, there were so many states and numerous languages, knowing only English posed to be a problem, even if it was considered to be a universal language, given how diverse this country is, not everyone is well-versed with it, yet it wasn't as difficult to pose as a tourist, walking to different places as curious eyes of bystanders followed me, i looked quite different, despite my skin being permanently tanned i looked pasty white here, my blonde hair and blue eyes sticking out like a sore thumb.So far Moriarty succeeded in digging his heels in Asia too, his network running from the North to the South of India, trying to make it's way to the east and west too,I was in Hyderabad now, my last day in the country and next I was headed to wherever Mycroft's men would ask me to go.I walked through the Sunday Bazar, many stalls selling fruits and vegetables, the lanes crowded by men, women and children,the scorching heat reminding me of my days in Afghanistan, thought not as intense but definitely more intense than your typical English summer.
"You will find a small godown at this particular address" the informant spoke, his thick accent curling along the words. His hands going into his shirt pocket as he hands me a small paper. His feet shuffle on the cemented pavement of the no name hotel I was staying at for the time being.

"it's shutter will have a red cross Mark on it" he continued as i unfolded the paper to check the address

"It's one of Moriarty's biggest artillery and weapons exchange business disguised as a Wearhouse company selling and distributing goods"

"Oh okay"

"You already have a map of the building's infrastructure and a fake id in the nightstand's drawer in the room you're staying at. You will be posing as one of the newly hired workers, the chance of getting caught while entering is less likely, we made sure the information from the id forged for you is registered in their systems, once you enter the premises, you're on your own, if you're caught–"

"Then you might or might not make it out al
ive, getting backup is complicated and all that, I know, I've been hearing it since the past month" i drawled

The informant nodded "my work here is done then, we-"

"Yeah we never met, i don't know you and you don't know me, thanks for the help"

The informant huffed in exasperation as he wished me luck and left.
It took me a while but i finally made it to the address, the shutter half closed as it bore the tell-tale red cross. I rounded the building and went towards the godown's entrance as it showed in the map.Workers wearing orange and neon yellow vests much like mine walked into the godown, one gaurd patting them down and another taking their ids' and scanning them on the system to verify.Getting in was easy,well, the guards did give me an odd look,i mean... everyone else here was a local except for me who looked painfully odd compared to every other brown skinned worker, they were suspicious, yet they let me in regardless,since my Id's information was registered in their system as the informant had promised.I walked into the godown, tall shelves filled with goods were reaching high up to the ceiling,almost touching it and extended horizontally to long aisles with a few workers scattered here and there, carrying and moving huge boxes, packaging goods, some of them conversing with each other while working. The supervisior not all that hard to spot, given his stony look and rigid posture, too disciplined to be an ordinary worker. He was obviously one of Moriarty's men, i quickly walked past before he saw me, a new face would definitely cause him to be suspicious.Next step, evacuate civillian workers, i tried to remember the details in the map.Right, one of them is next to the men's changing room, I made my way through the long isles, trying my best to avoid people and making it to the very back and taking a left turn, i continued to walk further and there it was, thankfully, it was empty,i walked next to the door and i heard boisterous laughter and men speaking in their native languages, if only I could understand them, maybe i could catch onto something that could be useful, i huffed as i felt too short on my skill set to carry out these operations.As I managed to trip the fire alarm to evacuate the workers i realised that this place has cameras, I was supposed to disable them first.
well...shit i DEFINITELY make a horrible undercover agent
the sirens blared, one being the fire alarm and another one in my head,the changing room's door opened as all the men rushed out and i stepped back, looking around and finding a cctv camera pointing at the door.Yep they definitely know who tripped it now.i knew I had about five to ten minutes before everyone left and then Moriarty's men will come after me at once, I was supposed to eliminate them one by one while they tried to track who tripped the alarm, it'd be difficult for them to do so if I had disabled the cameras beforehand.
Fuck...It is too early in the mission for me to get caught!
I grumbled as i shifted onto my feet, the control room where live footage from the cameras are looked at would be adjoining the godown as the map had showed,they must've informed them by now, I couldn't exactly blend into the crowd given the fact that I stick out like a sore thumb but I sure as hell could cram myself into the very middle of said crowd making it difficult for them to reach me, my short height being an advantage to me for once,so I just did that and made my way outside.The supervisior yelled at the workers, elbowing them to get to me as i somehow made it outside while being pushed back and forth by the many men and few women who were hurrying to get out, the crowd soon scattered as it reached the exist of the godown, I made my way to the control room, reaching down to the mini pistol expertly fit into my Gumboot and shot the supervisior chasing me square in the face.
Good riddance

i walked towards the small shed adjoining the godown I knew was the control room, i wielded my pistol and hid at the little pillar sticking out at the corner where the godown's wall ended and the control room's wall began which seemed to be a blind spot for the camera placed at the very front of the control room's door.I crouched down as i shot the camera, the door opened as one man walked out holding a gun and i shot him dead before he could even desicpher the threat. I was sure there was another man inside who wasn't planning on coming out any soon, i could just rain bullets through the door, i was sure even one could hit him but I didn't want to waste bullets.The approaching footsteps brought me out of my internal monologue as to how to get in. I cursed under my breath.
go big or go home i guess

I rip open the sole of my Gumboot and retrieve a smoke bomb, throwing one at them, the thick white smoke engulfing them in a few seconds, I hear confused shouts as at least five men aimlessly send bullets through their guns without knowing my exact location, one nearly hitting me as i crouch down, removing an explosive with an inbuilt timer placed at the underside of my belt, activating it, tossing it on the ground and making a run for it.I fall on my back given the intensity of the explosion, my ears ringing, luckily I wasn't hit, i do not waste much time as I stand on my slightly unsteady legs and make my way towards the godown, some of it blown into bits due to the explosive. The cops might be on their way. I look through the godown and make quick work of killing whoever I came across, if one of them happened to be a civillian who unfortunately had stayed back, I'd be terribly sorry but I was short on time, after no one except me was left alive , i discarded the orange-neon vest and Id appropriately.I exited the place quickly after checking everything and made my way back through the bazaar as two cop cars and a fire truck reached the location.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon

Third month in
Frankfurt, Germany's red light districts, one being
"Bahnhofsviertel" a name i genuinely struggle to pronounce has now become a horrible memory for me, despite it's central location being rather famous among tourists for it's vibrant night-life i wasn't so happy with the more illicit activities taking place in it's more shady and well... generally avoided areas.Prostitution and drug dealing were the usual methods of money making in said areas and if things couldn't get any better, i didn't know a lick of German, these language barriers had my mind spiralling back to Sherlock, he would have easily been able to speak their language, i haven't really heard him speak any other language than English but I am sure he'd have them stored in his Mind Palace so that they could be used when the right time comes.The mission was simple, pose as a customer for one of Moriarty's prominent men who sell harmful narcotics and halluciginoics. The location being a high end club owned by one of his men.After Moriarty's death and with no one to supervise to make sure the distribution was going well, the business was staggering at best.The whole thing would've collapsed on it's own if not for a man named Alan Finnick, one of Moriarty's loyal followers who stepped in and took control of the whole thing, this mission now becoming a last minute addition and adding more days to my return back to London.One of Mycroft's men or "someone who owes him a favour" as he likes to put it,was acting as my translator, despite Alan being an American who knew English well, he decided to be a pretentious prick and made it a norm that the whole transaction will take place in German, making it necessary for me to bring in a language interpreter.If i somehow manage to kill him, the business would easily run down to the ground.Everything went well except for when I and Finnick were supposed to go to one of the private rooms along with my interpreter to take a look at the drugs he was trying to sell to me,where I would kill him and escape the place unnoticed with the map of the club provided beforehand, one of the guards came in and notified that our ID's were fake.Then all hell broke looseI myself cannot understand how I, in a span of roughly thirty seconds sent a bullet to Finnick's head, slid past the glass table separating us, shot his bodyguard in the heart and made a run for it from the fire exit at the end of the room before his men could get to me, the interpreter unfortunately being caught in the whole mess and dying by being hit by a bullet.Despite having a bullet graze my left arm Leaving me bleeding out onto the floor, it was better that I came back in one piece without having a bullet making a hole through my body.
Fifth month in
America was a whole another story, there was a whole human trafficking business disguised as an orphanage, where they used those poor kids for illegal child labour and other unimaginable things.This one was easier, i posed as a teacher and took down Moriarty's men working in the organisation one by one and ended up getting my nose broken when one of them figured out my identity, we broke into an ugly fight and fortunately enough i killed him before he alerted anyone else. After everything was dealt with, Mycroft made sure those kids were put into much safer orphanages and foster homes.
Eleventh month in
I ended up getting stabbed just below my right ribcage in Venezuela, Patari, while carrying out the mission in one of it's black markets.I ended up staying in one of the battered and old "hotels", mold spores spanning over the room's walls, dripping ceiling, pungent smell and sticky sheets, i hissed in pain as I added disinfectant to my wound, muffled my screams as i stitched it up and stayed up the whole night, enduring the pain and keeping an eye on the door, a gun in my hand in case anyone broke in and praying to the gods that my wound dosen't end up getting infected,if I developed a fever due to it, it will be over for me.Another scar added to my body along with the many others i accumulated over this year, the gun wound on my shoulder from Afghanistan being the oldest.
Afganistan or Iraq?
SherlockI miss himI miss him so much
January 1st (nearly a year in)
I was back in London, I know this is reckless, Mycroft would be angry but sod him, I miss sherlock, miss his voice.I made my way to 221B, nearly knocked the door but fear kicked me in the gut, Sherlock would be in danger, if i couldn't see him, at least I could hear his voice.I went into one of the booths, the cameras following my movement.Mycroft knows but who caresI call for Molly, she is not happy
"Jhon you are still in the middle of a mission" she hissed quietly
"Molly
please
I want to hear him, just this once and i'll leave, you don't have to tell it's me, just say it's a call for him""He might recognise your voice""I won't speak a word, I just want to hear him, it's nearly been an year Molly"The other line stayed silent for a while, i thought she was going to hang up but then she sighed."Sherlock there is a call for
you, yes they say it's important—, well they didn't call you because you don't take phone calls Sherlock, no, texting won't work—! Just answer the phone and I'll be out of your hair"I heard shuffling on the other side l, a small static and a painfully familiar voice."Hello?" Spoke a deep baritone and I put a fist to my mouth to stop myself from crying, the tension leaving my shoulders, sagging from both happiness and grief."HELLO!"
his tone rising in irritation as he tried to get an answer from my end."Oh sod off! You have wasted my goddamn time!!" He yelled into the speaker and ended the call, i slumped against the glass wall, my eyes welling up with tears.***"Are you OUT.OF.YOUR.MIND Doctor Watson!?" Mycroft yelled as i walked past him on the street, his angry strides following me."You would've have blown up the whole mission!"
"But I didn't""You-!" His words seemed to have died in his throat as i gave him an icy glare"Try living in a world that thinks you are dead while you toil away to keep everyone safe Mycroft, it's easier for you to just sit and give people instructions because you
hate
leg work so much, tell me it wouldn't drive you insane that you're so far from home and away from the people you love, i admit what I did was reckless but i know i would go crazy if i didn't have even this level of contact with him to ground me" this was the very first time i was genuine to someone about my feelings, specially to someone like Mycroft who hated even the idea of sentiment.He remained silent as turned around and walked down the road."Send me the coordinates for the next location" I spoke without looking back.
TBC

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon

"You will have help from now on" the informant spoke, handing me a thick brown file."Help from whom?" I asked as I took it from his hand."Our boss has collected enough evidence against Moriarty's network thanks to you, MI6 will be involved, mostly as backup, you will still be undercover, it's easier to acquire information that way"I nod as i open the file"The file contains information about the agents that will be working along with you, we had roughly estimated it will take at least five years to take down Moriarty's network IF you survive"My anger spiked at that but I was too tired from the last mission to deal with it so i decided to let it slide this time.
"But...!with MI6 it will take a little less than a year, so congratulations, you might survive this after all" the informant chuckled, a hint of mockery in his voice as he smirked.
Oh you son of a bitch
"Don't worry about me"I smiled my best
intimidating smile as I laid my hand on his shoulder, his smirk faltering a little as i crowded his personal space."I once broke a person's neck to kill him and I could do that again when my Survival is threatened " i sneered, digging my nails into his flesh, my thumb painfully pressing onto his shoulder joint.
His smirk dropped as he tried to put on a neutral face yet struggled to keep his mouth from twisting into a frown due to the pain, the man's eyes widening in fear as he tried to manoeuvre away from my grip as he spoke in a panicked voice "o-okay i gave you the information you needed,m..my work is done here"My smile widened as I let go of his shoulder
"I believe it is"He quickly scrambled for my room's door and left without uttering another word.I sighed as I tossed the file onto the night stand next to me and flopped on the bed with thread-bare and not so clean sheets, the frame creaking from my weight.I have somewhat forgotten how it feels like, to sleep on a proper bed.
"with MI6 it will take a little less than a year"
I could be going home early then, go home to Sherlock.
But would he let me?
He dosen't know the reason why I left, he might be angry. I really doubt he'd let me come back to 221B in the first place.
Did he find another roomate?
I turned onto my side as if trying to physically move away from the jealousy crawling up and into my chest.
He must've moved on

--------
He never moved on
Greg shifted uncomfortably on his feet as The curly haired slueth examined the body, he was still dressed sharply but his skin was a bit too pale, the coat that used to make him look confident now looked as if it was weighing him down, was it the amount of weight he lost or is it the grieving?The DI couldn't tell.Yes, it's been a little more than a year since Jhon has left but so far Sherlock seemed to be the only one who couldn't move on, he was still grieving, he wouldn't admit it but it was obvious, from his sunken cheeks to the dark circles under his eyes, his aversion to any topic related to Jhon, he was fighting a battle in his mind alone and never let anyone in."It's the wife""Hm? What?" the DI spluttered
"Where is your mind Lestrade? It's the wife, there are deposits of white cream around his neck where he was strangled, it's texture and smell is very much similar to the hand cream his wife uses""That's not enough evidence-!"
"Extract the hand-cream from her and run the samples through the bloody lab or bully the truth out of her, I don't care, I've done my job here and I'm leaving"
And now he was telling Lestrade how to do his job"Oh you're leaving now huh..! where to? To visit Jhon's grave?" The DI bristled.The Detective flinched and shot Greg a scathing glare, his eyes a tad bit too moist.Greg's heart dropped as he tried to apologise "I didn't....I'm sor—!""I have NO obligation to report to you Lestrade" he growled, turning on his heels and walking away before The DI could say or do anything.
tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
It has been four hundred and twenty seven days and six hours since Jhon's demise.I've visited his grave for about four hundred and twenty one times, with a new arrangement of flowers every single day.
As if that would bring him back
I crouch down as i lay the carefully arranged bouquet of white chrysanythemums next to the dried up carnations and lilies Jhon's family had earlier placed over his black and grey marble gravestone during his first death anniversary.My eyes flit over the words engraved over the stone
JHON HAMISH WATSON

MEDAL OF HONOUR

FORMER ARMY MEDICAL CORPS

FIFTH NORTHUMBERLAND
FUSILIERS

19_ _ to 20_ _

A loving son, brother and friend

Giving in to sentiment once again brother dear?
I clenched my jaw, trying my best to ignore him.Each day you bring him flowers you are failing yourself Sherlock. Mycroft drawled his reedy voice grating my nerves."Leave me alone" i mumble under my breath, as if verbally addressing my irritation would put him away."I'm afraid I can't do that Mr.Holmes, I'm rather desperate about this"I flinch ever so slightly, coughing a little to hide my embarrassment.
that wasn't meant for you
"what do you want?" i asked gruffly, getting back up on my feet and dusting my knees.
when are you planning to put an end on shuch a pathetic show of vulnerability Sherlock? Save us both the embarrassment.
I forcefully cast him away from my Mind Palace, it took me almost half a year to get my bearings back, i don't think I can lose it to him again."I need your help to find my father" she spoke, her voice full of steel.I take a look at her short blonde hair
definitely dyed
"Im already on a case" i answer
"Aren't you supposed to help out as many people as you can?" She hissed, sounding exasperated.Her cheeks are flushed, clothes slightly dishleved

missed the train, ran here
"No" i bit back"Hey!" She shouts, another man who was visiting shoots a glare at her."My father is missing" she lowers her voice this time."You're repeating the same thing""There might be a possibility of him being alive
Mr.Holmes" she growled"You can't do much for a dead man other than catch his killer but you can surely put some effort into finding a man who has the chance to be alive."I narrowed my eyes,her boots have dried up mud stuck to it. She smelled of perfume, Claire De Lune and a hint of Mrs.Hudson's blueberry scones and Lestrade's cheap coffe."You visited Baker Street, didn't find me there, so you visited new scotland yard and asked Lestrade about my whereabouts, wrestled information about my current case too then?" I spoke flatly.Her brows furrowed, face turning red with anger."I didn't wrestle information out of him-! That doesn't even matter, I need your
help to
find
my father" she spoke, her voice trembling with anger."I'm not taking up your case miss, file a missing person report and stop stalking me." I turned on my heels, heading out of the cemetery."I'll pay you any amount you want"
"As I said earlier, file a Missing person report, no amount of money will make me take up your case""Would Dr.Watson be happy with your decision? Mr.Holmes?" she called out, her voice cold.My anger spiked, i turned around, walking towards her, crowding up her space."Don't try and get into my personal life woman, you'll regret it" i growled
She remained unruffled, pale blue eyes glaring back at me."My apologies Mr.Holmes" her voice sounded flat, too flat."But I'll be back again later, when you are free, the police can't do much" with that she walked past me towards the exit.
Tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
I ran the bow across my violin, playing whatever comes to my mind as my hand moves on autopilot, trying my best to busy myself so that I won't be haunted by memories and specially, Mycroft."Hey Sherlock"I keep playing
"Lestrade""As you said earlier, the woman killed her husband, the case is solved, I've come with another one" he sounded guilty.
guilty for what?

For yelling at me during the crime scene?
I gave out an exasperated sigh"If it's the blonde woman with her missing father then I don't want to do anything for her""She met you or did you deduce such an impossible thing?" Lestrade questioned, sounding perplexed.I ended my playing with a rather harsh flourish, the violin screeched, i whipped my head around as Lestrade visibly winced at the shrill sound."She
followed me to the graveyard, before that, she didn't find me in Baker Street, then she went to new scotland yard and you
gave her my whereabouts and information about my current case didn't you?" i hissed."Wha-! I didn't give Ms.Morstan your whereabouts sherlock""Then how did this Ms.Morstan follow me all the way to the cemetery!?" I yelled"No that's-! Fuck!" He groaned, as if he just realised something."She was talking to Anderson later on...that
incompetent bastard, what if he sent a killer after you instead? fuck!" He groaned again, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.I narrowed my eyes at him "now how did
he
know about me visiting the cemetery""There are rumours going around the whole new scotland yard sherlock, he must've acted on one, don't look at me like that, you've known me for years i wouldn't give away something about you like that just to start rumors for sheer entertainment" he threw his hands up in the air in defense."I'm not taking up her case Lestrade" i turn around trying to play again"You are justified to be angry Sherlock, that was unprofessional on Anderson's part but you ought to help her, her father's been missing"
"No""Sherlock
please""I said n-!""Yoo hoo! You boys up for some tea?" Mrs.Hudson interjected, her tea set clinking in the tray she was holding rather unsteadily."Mrs.Hudson,here, please give me that" Lestrade spoke, taking the tray out of her hands and placing it on the table infront of the sofa."How about you help me convince him to take up Ms.Morstan's case Mrs.Hudson?" Lestrade added cheekily
"Gavin...!" i groaned
"It's Greg young man and you should help out the sweet lady, her father's been missing, it's been rather serious""I know that""So help her out then" Mrs.Hudson spoke, hands on her hips as she gave me a challenging look.I shoot Lestrade a glare"Fine"
His smile stretches"But only if you let me work on the human trafficking case later on"His smile drops then and I feel the beginnings of a smirk with the way my lips are curling.
If Jhon were here, he would've enjoyed this
i push that thought away"That's far too dangerous for you to take up sherlock""if I'm helping her out, i also need something in return, I'm no saint, Graham""It's Greg and you will be paid""I don't really care about the money, you can keep it if she offers, i care more about the case"He sighs"Okay
but
you will have the officers accompany you everywhere and you can't say no it's–""Dangerous i know, so when do I meet Ms.Morstan?""I'll give her a call now, maybe in an hour or two""Okay then"
"The game is on then?" Mrs.Hudson claps her hands together as she looks at me, her eyes hopeful.
she thinks taking up cases would help me take my mind off
the past and heal

Heal? I think it's more in the lines of "wouldn't hurt for dear sherlock to be a little useful now would it? "
I give her as strained smile, that rather comes out as a grimace"Sure"
tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
Ms.Morstan visits in no less than an hour after Lestrade gives her a call. She sits promptly on the Ottoman i placed for visitors as a replacement of the well used armchair.
blocked my view to the kitchen, the Ottoman is far more convenient, takes up less space.
"does it really now...? brother dear?"
I turn away and face the window of the living room, my eyes scanning over the road as half formed deductions of the traffic float through my mind.Lestrade and the woman exchange greetings followed by an uncomfortable silence, i felt two pairs of eyes boring into my back, expecting me to start with with my questioning but I do not respond as i continue to face the street.I hear a sigh, definitely that of Lestrade who later clears his throat and starts
"How long has your father been missing Ms.Morstan?""Im not sure...a little more than a week maybe" she responds, her voice weak."You're not sure how long your father's been missing?" Lestrade asked dubiously."Not really, I mean, we don't talk on a daily basis, just once in a while but those sparse calls also stopped and now I'm worried" her voice trembled with...what? Fear? It felt so fake, like a poorly constructed emotion, i turned around to look at her.Deductions go through my head and the one thing written all over her face screams Lair! Lair! Lair! LAIR!the ridiculousness of the whole situation spiked my anger."Is your father even
missing
in the first place Ms.Morstan?" i spoke incredulously, the woman's expression sours as she tries to speak but I beat it to her"you both don't talk on a daily basis, you pretend to be concerned when I can clearly
tell that you were leasurly playing with your cats before Lestrade called you, feels like this whole thing is a sha-!""Brother dear" My spine straightens as I hear Mycroft's voice, i try to figure out if it's in my head but considering the fact that both the woman and Lestrade are looking behind me, it's the real Mycroft."what?" I ask as i turn around and see him standing near the doorway, leaning on his umbrella."We need to talk""No-!""Ms.Morstan, Inspector" he interjects "I'd appreciate if you both could see yourself out, Sherlock is not taking any cases for the time being""And why are you taking decisions for me!?" I yell as he ignores me, gesturing towards the door as he looked at Lestrade and Ms.Morstan."How did you know my last name?" The woman asked, her brows furrowed in confusion."I will let you know that I thoroughly reasearch people who come in contact with my brother Ms.Mary Morstan and seeing your rather odd behaviour with him back at the cemetery, I had no choice but to look you up, you have nothing but my hostility, now please see yourself out while I'm trying to remain civil"
She narrowed her eyes at him, a near snarl forming on her lips as she moved towards the door along with a confused Lestrade."I'm taking up her case, you can't just go about taking decisions for me""You think the whole case is a sham anyway Sherlock" he speaks as he sits on the sofa, crossing one leg over another, his hand fiddling with the umbrella."Then I will take up another one" i answer defiantly
"I will make sure you can't then"
"Why!?" I yellMycroft looks at me, his steely gaze scanning my features turn soft, like melting ice."You're punishing yourself for something that isn't your fault Sherlock"
The Mycroft in my Mind Palace remains quiet.I feel goosebumps rising all over my body
he was meant to be cruel wasn't he
"What...?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper"Sherlock...you always refuse help and it is my fault to have enforced the idea of loneliness being a strength in your mind" my head felt too heavy on my shoulders, my fingers felt numb."I know you blame yourself" he uncrosses his legs, patting the space beside him, asking me to sit.I shake my head violently as I back away"So you punish yourself by starving"
"No""By abusing drugs""I've abused drugs before!""But you relapsed, why?""I had a mind block""Why?"

I don't know how to answer that
"why are you here?" I sneer"Because you're not doing well""I'm just fine!" I burst "I'm not doing drugs now! I'm taking up cases! You could say I'm on my
best behaviour, I'm
fine!!""you think I don't know about the slipper stuffed underneath your bed? It's hollow sole filled with drugs and a syringe? Your seven percent solution?"
I narrow my eyes at him "you had my room checked""I had to""I didn't even use it""But you didn't get rid of it either""Why can't you just leave me alone!?" I yell, my eyes prickling with those awful tears stemming from frustration."Sherlock" Mycroft spoke, his voice uncharacteristically warm "sit here" as he patted the place next to him, i shot him a weak glare "please" he added, his voice genuine.I sniffed, taking hesitant steps towards the sofa and sitting next to him. "Breathe" he adds.I feel embarrassed "I am breathing""Sherlock...you can hate me all you want but I want you to know that I will always be there for you"I try to suppress my tears"Sentiment dosen't look good on you,
Mycroft"
"I'm afraid I'm far too human to completely get rid of it, brother dear" he smiles one of his rare, genuine smiles.My lips twitch upwards "ridiculous"his smile widens "ridiculous indeed"I look down at my lap, absently looking at my hands. We sit in silence for a few minutes."We are Visiting mummy and daddy in a week"My mood sours again"You can't be serious""I am" he speaks, his voice back to it's usual steel."What am I even going to do there?""Show your face so that they atleast know you're alive Sherlock, you haven't contacted them in months, they're worried""Well then, make sure you keep away from the sweets, you've gained three stones"
He shoots me a glare but dosen't say much anyway.
Tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

.Sherlock

I fidget with my coat and scarf covering half my face as I get out of the sleek black car along with Mycroft, my shoes dragging along the gravel of the road as we walk towards the house, mummy and daddy standing at the front porch beaming, a hint of nervousness in their features.
"You better behave Sherlock" Mycroft whispers
"I'm not five" i hiss"Aww there are my dears!" Mummy squeals as she pulls both of us in for a hug, i stifle my groan, I was never fond of physical contact, daddy thankfully stayed where he was, giving us a smile and a nod.
Hoping that this would be the end of the whole "family bonding" thing I was about to make my way towards the front door when mummy started to bombard me with annoying questions."My god Sherlock! You look so thin, as if you weren't already thin enough! Are you even eating dear!?" She yelled as she cupped my cheek "god there isn't even an inch of fat in you!"
Before I could say anything brash daddy inturrepted "Violet, you can fatten him up all you want during his stay, now how about we get them inside, it's getting dark"I huff as she finally let's go of me, i turn to my father whose face is somewhat flushed, i narrow my eyes at him, deductions going through my head."You were drinking" he is momentarily startled but pulls himself together and gives me an awkward chuckle "can't a man have a good drink at his own home?""You weren't drinking alone" i answered"Mummy's not a fan of alcohol, who were you drinking with?"
They both fumble over their words as they share panicked looks
"We...we had your father's friends over before you came here" mummy answered, giving me a nervous smile, her face turning red.She was obviously lyingI look at Mycroft to see if he's a part of anything these two have planned for me, his face remains impassive as he casually leans on his umbrella."Whom do you have over?" I ask a little icyly
"Why don't you take a look yourself?" Mycroft interjected.I scowl at them as I walk towards the front
door and none of them follow me.As i open the door, i see combat shoes neatly placed near the shoe stand. I grow confused as to who they could have over, there was dried up mud stuck to the boots' sole and some other brown splotches.
it's dried up blood
i grew a bit panicked
was daddy drinking with an assassin.
I know my parents are braver than the common folk but they aren't this braveI walk towards the hall and see a man sitting on the sofa, he was wearing a blue-grey checkered shirt with black jeans, his head was bent down with his hands messaging his temples, long silver hair neatly styled, it's fringe covering his face.Something was unnervingly familiar about this man and i couldn't put my finger on it."Who are you?" I ask gruffly, not caring for polite greetings, his head snapped up and I nearly lost the strength in my legs as I saw his face.Tired cerulean eyes looked at me with shock, his face achingly familiar yet still different, more angular, his wrinkles more deep, hair more silver than blonde.
"Jhon..?" My voice cracks, he abruptly gets on his feet
"Hey" He tries for a smile that rather comes out like an awkward grimace
"What...?" I feel my vision going white, blood rushing being my ears, my eyes getting watery."I'm...I'm back" he says, voice uncertain, his eyes gauging my reaction."No""Sherlock..." He reached for me but I backed away, I saw a hint of hurt in his eyes as he retracted his hand."I saw you die" i whisper as i felt tears falling down my face pathetically
"I didn't die Sherlock""I saw you jump from a building!""Sherlock please-!""No...no not real, you're not real" i back away even more and trip, i feel his arms catch me before I fall."I'm real sherlock, I'm here" he whispers comfortingly, his hands tightening around me, i try my best to calm my breathing, his body heat adding to the comfort.

He's real, he's alive
But he left brother dear Mycroft drawled in my head.I felt the spike of anger and adrenaline as i forcefully pushed Jhon away, he made a suprised sound at the force with which i pushed him back."Where were you off to huh!? To become an honourable soldier again!?" I yanked him by his collar "the loyal dog who'd risk his life for the queen? Did they give you a nice reward? A medal maybe?life must have been so boring when you played detective with me hm? " I sneered, his eyes grew cold, i know I provoked him but I could care less, his glare was sharp enough to rival mine.He grabbed me by my shoulders and slammed me into the wall, i yelped as i felt pain radiating through my back, knocking the air out of me.This feeling eerily similar to the nightmare I had on the day he died.
your fault
"I had my goddam reason Sherlock!" He growled "I just don't take off anywhere for the hell of it like you do! I'm not that self absorbed! You don't even have the slightest idea as to what I've been through!" His nails dig into my skin.
you failed me you freak!
I feel the beginnings of a panic attack as my breathing gets irregular, his grip getting painfully tighter.
It pains, it pains, it pains
His eyes look as unforgiving as it did in the nightmare

I'm scared
The tears in my eyes continue to fall pathetically as i start to sob again, Jhon's eyes widen in shock at that, his grip going loose and i immediately push him away."Sherlock!""Leave me alone!" I yell as i storm towards the main door, slamming it closed as I leave the house, mummy and daddy looking at me with concern as i approach them.She waves her hand frantically "Sweetheart-!"
"You were behind this weren't you?" I glare at Mycroft who looked surprisingly guilty, i felt embarrassed with my pathetic crying and vulnerability which was shamelessly on display but I was too far gone to do anything about it,his mouth turned down into a frown as he spoke, his voice low."It was to keep you safe"
"Safe!?" I scoff "you ruined my life! That's what you did! I...I respected you!" Mycroft's eyes widened in suprise at that."And you two!" I glared at my parents who flinched and looked at me with wide eyes, i tried to say something harsh but got chocked up with tears again "I can't believe you of all people...."I shook my head and walked away from the three of them who stood frozen in their place."Sir" Mycroft's Chauffeur waited near his car."I'll get my own ride to the train station" i snap, i don't even bother to retrieve my luggage from the boot of the car as I make my way out of the neighborhood.
tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
The train ride went by in a blur, my thoughts completely static as i listlessly walk out of the station and roam the city of London the whole day, the cold breeze whipping along my face, my tears going dry.The constant buzzing of my phone in my pocket the only thing keeping me tethered to reality, I don't care to check it, i know it's from my brother or...mummy or...daddy, actually, it might be from all of them and maybe even Jhon but if he has even an ounce of shame left in him, he wouldn't call me.By the time I get back to Baker Street it's early in the morning, Mrs. Hudson's door is closed meaning she's fast asleep and not to be disturbed, i quietly make my way upstairs making sure to avoid that one step that creaks under any weight it's subjected to.I open the door of the apartment and hang my coat on the hook, the hallway is spotless, i clearly remember leaving it in a mess with half finished tea and papers strewn all across the room.Mrs.Hudson's doing then, so much coming from a woman who claims not to be my housekeeper, i nearly smile.I quietly sit down on the sofa, my eyes falling on the Ottoman, it is a hideous beige which reminds me of Jhon's ugly jumpers.My mood sours
He left me,Why?

Perhaps you had fallen short when it came to maintaining what little relationship you both had.

I bring my knees to my chest wrapping my arms tightly around me, resting my forehead on my arms.I wanted to feel angry but all i felt is sadness, it's easier to cope with anger than it is with this mess of emotions, this was never my forte.

Are you really surprised he left? Every other "friend'' you claimed you had left you Sherlock, given your eccentric nature it's a miracle he stayed two years. Imagine how overbearing you must've been...

Mycroft scoffs

for him to think that it's better to go back on dangerous lands than share a living space with the likes of you. You and I...

His voice goes sombrewe are both destined to live alone...
I bite down on my lower lip, it's skin nearly tearing.

So wear it like an armour rather than shackles that limit you, alone keeps you safe sherlock. You wouldn't be here if you wouldn't have let sentiment get to you.

Maybe he is right, maybe letting Jhon get so close was a horrible mistake.I sniffle, trying to suppress my tears, i feel like I'm back to being five, with Mycroft teaching me again and again the drawbacks of giving in to sentiment whenever I come back home crying.
buy weren't i the happiest then?
Glimpses of memories filled with sandy beaches go through my mind, the summer wind whipping against my unruly hair, nearly knocking the pirate hat off my head, i hold the wooden sword, giggling as I run along with my childhood dog, his red-brown hair wet with salt water.Readbeard was always with me then, I wasn't alone then.
Is staying at the top of your game so important...?that you strip your life of all meaning? Does everything need to be a game of who rules over who? Does the mind always have to rule over the heart?
Mycroft dosen't respondI sigh as i lay over the sofa, my surroundings empty and awfully quite, i am still alone, I've been alone longer than I had been living with jhon, it didn't used to bother me back then, so why does it now?
what kind of man have i become now?

---

Jhon

God I feel like a collosal dick

I groan as i storm towards the room the Holmes's have provided me. It was kind of them to do that, everything was planned, i would've explained Sherlock why I did what i did, he still would've been upset but not to this extent.
why can't i keep my bloody temper in check for once?
i groan as i kick the nightstand in frustration
"It looked like you manhandled my brother, his clothes were dishleved when he walked out of here""Just leave me be Mycroft" i growlHe sighs"I won't be surprised if one day I find you both ripping each other's faces off in a fit of rage"
"Yeah I know we both are pretty bad when it comes to our temper! I was tired out of my mind and what he told me..." i ran my hand across my face in frustration"just rubbed me the wrong way alright?"
"You're lucky our parents didn't catch you manhandling Sherlock, you'd be in for a whole world of hurt Jhon"I turned around to look at him "I'm sure that could happen"
Mycroft straightened some invisible imperfection of his suit "It's been a rough one and half year for Sherlock too, he nearly killed himself Jhon" his voice was solemn"Wasn't such a good idea to get physical with him"
I don't know what shocked me the most, Sherlock's level of self neglect or Mycroft dropping his professional front."What do you mean by nearly killing himself?""He relapsed and had an overdose, if we weren't quick enough to get him medical help he would've died"Guilt hit me like a truck and I'm sure it showed on my face as Mycroft looked rather uncomfortable, he coughed and looked away, dealing with emotions wasn't his thing afterall."We can't quite expect him to forgive us, the least we can do is try and make up for the damage we've done, he's not doing well... psychologically and physically we need to fix that"I nod remembering his frame being much thinner that it used to be "I'm sure we do"
tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon
Given how the "reunion" turned out to be an absolute shit show thanks to my uncontrollable temper,Mycroft and i decided to leave the Holmes's house the next day and took his ridiculously expensive car to the train station, we sat on the opposite and farthest ends of the car seat in the back.The air was sour with the events that took place earlier and i genuinely wanted to distract myself for the time being."Why on earth did you have your men bring such an expensive car just to get a ride to the train station?"
Mycroft who was sitting ramrod straight didn't even bother to look at me "I gave this to my parents for their recent marriage anniversary, it's a permanent set up." His voice remained monotone.My lips twitch upwards"That's a thoughtful 'gift' "
His face twitched ever so slightly but still remained impassive as ever " it would be a hassle to take care of them if they get sick trying to go around the town without proper transport" he drawledI suppressed a chuckle
leave it to the Holmes brothers to try and act as emotionally repressed as they can.
Sherlock's clearly distraught and tear streaked face flashed through my head, the way I manhandled him and made him cry was horrible,I felt guilt kicking in again.

I need to work on my temper

I clenched my fists
i can't keep hurting him like this"Is Sherlock in London right now? Is he safe?" I ask as I'm sure Mycroft wouldn't leave him unmonitored when he is in such a fragile state."He got back to Baker Street
at four in the morning after loitering the streets of London, he's exhausted"I furrow my brows "hopefully he chooses to sleep"Mycroft sighed "He will do what he wishes to do doctor Watson"I frown "Right...I will have to look for accomodations, I'm sure..." My voice goes quiet with shame and guilt "he wouldn't want to have me around with how things went yesterday"Mycroft simply nodded "that has already already been taken care of""I'm sorry....What has already been taken care of?" I asked feeling completely flabbergasted
"I got one of my safe houses ready for you a week ago , i did expect this plan to not quite workout, also, your phone and other belongings such as your credit card and new clothes have been placed in the bedroom, your bank account is the same as it was before your departure"I didn't know if I wanted to feel offended or embarrassed.
Am i really that hopeless when it comes to mending relationships?
"...thanks"
i really want to see him again

---

Sherlock

i have no idea as to how long I have been laying on the sofa by now, the hall is no longer dark,the room is washed a warm golden by the sunlight,it felt too cheerful for my blackened mood,my stomach felt queasy as I had eaten nothing and my eyes felt heavy as i hadn't slept at all.I don't think I've had proper sleep or eaten a proper meal since the past one and a half year
The nightmares never let me sleep and the grief ruined whatever little appetite I used to have
And it still hurt that Jhon made an absolute fool out of me and I hated it, I hated that sentiment was getting the worst out of me.And I hated that I am hurt with how he treated me yesterday, I have been physically hurt before but what made it worse was that it was Jhon who did it.
I've been treated worse, so much more worse, he just slammed me against a damn wall.
Im sure my back is bruised, it's still sore from pain and i honestly don't want to look at myself in the mirror because I know i look like a mess with my hair sticking out at odd places and my eyes red rimmed with dry tear tracks running down my cheeks.My phone buzzes again and i continue to ignore it.Before i decide to get up and take a shower I hear Mrs.Hudson's scream along with something falling down and shattering onto the ground, i abruptly get up and run downstairs."Mrs.Hudson what-!?" I halt midway while climbing down as I see Jhon with a guilty look on his face as Mrs.Hudson breathes heavily with a hand above her heart, her tea tray laying on the ground with broken porcelain , spilled tea and cutlery spread out on the floor."Dear lord... Sherlock!" She pointed a shaking finger at Jhon "you're... you're seeing this too right?...or have i finally lost it?""I'm...not quite dead Mrs.Hudson" Jhon grimaced and I sent a him a glare
"Oh my god!" She reached for him, grabbing him by his green cardigan "oh god you are alive!" She violently shook the man and he silently accepted her manhandling him "where have you been this past year young man!?"
"To play the good soldier he is" i mocked, his cerulean eyes snapped at me though he didn't look angry this time, still, i felt my blood boil
"what are you doing here?" I asked icyly
"Can we talk someplace private Sherlock?" He pleaded, sounding guilty."I don't want to talk to you, let alone see you"He winced at that "please Sherlock..." He moved away from a confused Mrs.Hudson and tried to approach me "I'm sorry...i really am but I had no choice"I gripped the railing tightly, my knuckles going white "what do you mean you had no choice?..." I growled "You left because you fucking felt like leaving!!"
Mrs.Hudson flinched as I raised my voice, Jhon looked hurt, I've rarely ever cursed like this.His silver blonde fringe fell into his eyes as he closed them, he took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair" Sherlock..."His voice was calm, composed. Bright blue eyes focused on me and I felt my breath hitch "i know what I did hurt you and what I did yesterday was something unforgivable but...do you really think that being a 'loyal dog of the queen' as you like to put it...is really the reason I would leave? I had a good life here."
I narrowed my eyes at him"Then tell me why you left"
"Because I wanted to keep you safe from Moriarty" He answered
"Moriarty was mine!" I yelled "He was MY PROBLEM!"his lips formed into a thin line, his face going impassive and i flinched, I had never seen that look before, Jhon had always been easy to read.
do i even know him anymore?
"do you truly think you could take him down alone sherlock?"His voice was flat and cold."He had had enough of playing games with you and he wanted you dead, you are a genius, i know but one man can't take down the entirety of his Network alone, even I didn't know if I could come back alive if not for the help from MI6" he deadpanned.I stood there shell shocked, Mrs. Hudson's mouth was agape, her brows were at danger to disappear into her hairline.I bit harshly onto my lower lip, my eyes stinging "we could have taken it down together then" I whispered.His eyes softened "Sherlock...Your brother and me never want anything bad to happen to you... just... please don't push me away like this"
I shudder "come back tomorrow if you want to, I don't think I can talk to you right now" I say as turn around and climb back up the stairs."I will" he whispered

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon
I tap my leg impatiently against the floor of the cab, my hands fidgeting with my cardigan and the collar of my shirt, my body was thrumming with nervous energy much like Sherlock's did during a fairly exiting or taxing case, i had little to no food and hadn't slept all night.The cabbie kept glancing at me, my fidgeting proving to be a distraction, the man coughs "Are you in a hurry sire? Want me to drive faster for ya?"
I look at him with a frown "Hurry? Not really, just...just get me to my destination"
He gives me an awkward nod and sets his sight back on the road.I will my body to stop fidgeting and stare out the window,not looking at anything in particular,Sherlock has finally agreed to talk to me and I don't want to botch this one as well, although Sherlock can be testing at times, I need to keep my temper in check, i was the one who left him in the end.And I really want to see him again.i huffmaybe i am
in a hurry after all.The cab stops at Baker Street, the tires screeching against asphalt, i step out of the cab and hand over a few bills to the cabbie, i make my way towards the door, my steps determined.Mrs.Hudson greets me with a look of relief mixed with slight anger,I hear the faint din of Violin being played upstairs, fortunately, Sherlock was home."Now young man..." Mrs.Hudson's voice is stern as i stand before her, my back ramrod straight and arms resting on my sides "the past one and a half year has been horrible for Sherlock, as much as he likes to deny it, the poor thing had been suffering while you were gone"She sighs, crossing her arms infront of her chest "although...im glad you went so far to keep him safe, im not aware of what the whole picture is yet, so i still think what you did was quite foolish"I give her a small nod, she looks me in the eye "i want you to reconcile with Sherlock and for the love of god..." She pauses, taking a calming breath"Just tell him that you love him, you both have suffered far too long."
"I will" i answer "there is no more running from that I guess..." Mrs.Hudson's mouth twitches upwards into a small smile"now go get your man, doctor" she whispers.I smile back at her and make my way up the seventeen steps, one of them giving a familiar creak under my weight, the music grows in intensity, signalling that Sherlock is aware of my presence in his own clever way.The handle of the door twists under my palm and I walk inside. Sherlock is standing infront of the window, his back facing me,his hands are steady as he plays the violin, the navy blue suit hanging off his too thin frame, ebony black curls looking a shade lighter under the sunlight, giving the impression of a halo."Jhon" he greets, his voice too formal for my liking, i sigh "Sherlock...can we talk? Like proper adults? Face to face, Without breaking into unnecessary fights for once"
He continues to play"As far as i can remember, you were the one who flung me against the wall, yet you are the one accusing me of initiating
unnecessary fights?"I wince at that, although Sherlock was the one to yank me by the collar, it was justified, I left him thinking I was dead and walked back into his life like it was nothing, on the other hand, my reaction was inexcusable, I acted like a mindless, raging bull."Sherlock, please, we need to talk"
He finally stops playing, placing his violin down "sit, then"
"Right uh...the armchair...?""Blocked my view to the kitchen, so i got rid of it" his voice was gruff.Something twisted painfully in my gut, i know that isn't the reason why
"alright" i sit on the Ottoman.Sherlock lays down on the sofa, hands steepled under his chin,his eyes on the ceiling, he was resolutely not looking at me."So the whole suicide bit was orchestrated huh? the pedestrians were Mycroft's people, the whole thing was an act."Sherlock was not in the mood to listen to what I wanted to say, i decide on letting him have his way for now."You talked to Mycroft?" I indulge him."Why would I talk to
him?"
He scoffed "I analysed the whole thing yesterday night, it wasn't so hard to deduce from my memories of that event, i could've solved it way earlier if i were actually interested in solving it and..." His eyes glazed over a little
"You are quite a good actor Jhon... I'll give you that, you gave me a run for my money" he let out a shaky laugh "congratulations on that" his voice lost it's edge, he sounded genuinely hurt."You used a deflateble mat to cushion your fall" his hand tremored, his breathing going ragged.He was recounting the events in his head, I abruptly got up from the Ottoman "Sherlock...""a...and the blood...was...fake" his voice grew faint, trembling hands covering his face "There was so much of it...your-!""Sherlock! Stop..." I sink to my knees infront of him, gently pulling his hands away from his face, he finally looks at me, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
"You will go into a panic attack...breathe" I whisper.He swallows thickly, completely ignoring what i had just said "Was it really necessary for you to leave like that?" He turned his body towards me."If i didn't,they'd kill you Sherlock...Mycroft found out in time that they had planned to have snipers aiming at Mrs.Hudson and Lestrade, I was the third target, they wanted you to jump to your death to save us but I replaced you and after seeing your..." I take a deep inhale "...resolve break, Moriarty's men were convinced you would no longer meddle into their business."His eyes widen a bit, i continue on "there was no other way Sherlock, if you didn't stop he'd kill you and I know what a stubborn git you are" i chuckle "and I also know how selfless you can be...no matter how much you try to prove you are a heartless sociopath,you really aren't, you're quite far from it actually, you'd have jumped, there is no doubt about it"The tears finally escape from his eyes "You can't just go ahead and assume I'd jump for any of you" he huffs but there is no real heat to what he just said, i give him a slow,sad smile and wipe the tears away with the pads of my thumbs."I missed you" i whisper "and I'm sorry I left"
Sherlock whimpers, his arms reaching out and wrapping around my shoulders, he settles his forehead against the crook of my neck"i missed you too" I hum, running my fingers through his curls "don't ever leave me again" he murmurs, his arms tightening around me.I smile "I won't, love" his breath hitches
at that.I hesitate "Not good?"
"That's not...do you mean it?" He whispers as he pulls away to look at me, prismatic eyes getting brighter with hope."I know I've been an absolute jerk to you but..." I caress my thumb against one of his cheekbones
"...if it makes things any better, i really love you Sherlock and I want to share my life with you...if you'll have me" i whisper the last line as I give him an eager look.Sherlock's lower lip quivers as he clearly tries to fight back another wave of tears "I'd...love that actually"
I feel a genuine smile blooming across my face, warmth expanding through my chest as I feel some weight being lifted off of it, I pull this impossible madman into my arms, nuzzling my nose against the crook of his neck."I love you too, you know" Sherlock whispers and if i feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes, I say nothing about it.I take off my cardigan and climb onto the sofa, we adjust our bodies in the cramped space, it's warm and none of us complains about it. We stay like this for a hour, slipping in and out of sleep and when we both are completely awake Sherlock slightly moves away to look at me."You were hurt" his voice is barely above a whisper, his hand tracing the scar that used be a stab wound through the thin fabric of my shirt, he continues"and this isn't the only one, I can tell"
I sigh "of course you can"
Sherlock frowns at that "do you...maybe want to talk about it?""No" i answer, there is an edge to my voice and Sherlock flinches, looking hurt.I immediately pull him towards me, running a soothing hand over his back "I'm sorry, i just... don't want to talk about it right now, you know, we both are tired, i know you haven't slept or eaten in a while."He nods and i press a kiss on his forehead as i whisper another sorry into his hair, he practically melts into my embrace and I can't help but smile."I'll fix something up for us to eat in a while"Sherlock groans but I'm having none of it"You are eating Sherlock" I warnHe simply stares at me"What's wrong?""Nothing...i just missed this""Missed what? Me nagging you?" i chuckle
His cheeks turn pink, it's a rare sight to see Sherlock blush but it's a bloody good look on him"Yes" he whispers
I laugh "Be prepared then because you're going to be nagged for the rest of your life"

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
After dozing off for another hour we both untangle our limbs and make our way to the Kitchen, i don't really feel like eating anything but I don't voice my protests, knowing that Jhon will not listen to any of it.I quite missed this, I missed this domesticity of our constant bickering and Jhon fussing over my eating habits but this little cocoon felt temporary and fragile, Jhon refused to talk about what all that had happened during his one and a half year mission, it was surely dangerous and he is far more rigid than he used to be.Jhon coughs "there are no groceries, except for a few eggs, I'll fix us an omelette, and I'm making you some tea, you're eating everything Sherlock"I furrow my brows in confusion"i don't remember getting any eggs" actually, I haven't even been to the grocery store, dull.Jhon gives me an amused smile"I suppose it's Mrs.Hudson's doing then, we really got to thank her y'know"
I give him a small grunt as a response while I lean back on the chair, he shuffles around the kitchen looking through cabinets"uh... where's the-""The kettle's in the opposite cupboard, top shelf" i answer and he gives me an awkward nod."Right, by the way, the fridge and the table are suspiciously experiment-free, what's up with that? Did you turn my room into a lab or something?" Jhon tries for humour but fails miserably at it.The equipment i usually use for experiments are actually packed away and stuffed at the back of my cupboard, it has been like that for almost an year now, I was too busy in wallowing
about Jhon's supposed death that I no longer harboured any interest in conducting experiments but I can't possibly say that to Jhon when he already looks so guilty."No...i just" i shrug "I was too busy with cases to even think about conducting experiments for the time being."
Jhon looks like he dosen't buy my excuse one bit but decides to let it slide this time."atleast there won't be any toes in the fridge,for the 'time-being'."Jhon chuckles, or tries to.He puts the water to boil in the Kettle and pulls out a mug, just one mug."What about you? You don't wish to have some tea?" I ask
Jhon gives me an awkward smile "not really, I stopped drinking tea actually, I'm more of a coffee person now I guess"
"Oh...okay" i feel a little disappointed, i know it's just coffee but the fact that his preferences have changed like this dosen't sit well with me, Jhon Watson not only looks different now but also acts different and I'm struggling to catch up with these changes.i still make a mental note to buy a few coffee sachets for him, only a few,I'll try persuading him to bring down his consumption of caffeine, hopefully he'll stop.
But will he be staying at Baker Street?
"yes I will, if that's alright with you" Jhon's answer startles me."Did I say that out loud?"Jhon laughs, he flips over an egg in the pan, when did he start cooking?"yes, you did""So can I? Stay here with you in 221B i mean""Ofcourse you can, don't be an idiot"
Jhon laughs again "I missed this, you calling me an idiot and all that"
"Who on earth misses being called an idiot?"
"I do"
"You are strange""Any doubt?"
"stop being wired Jhon"
"Sure" he giggles and i find that I quite like it when he giggles.After Jhon is done with cooking our omelettes and making my tea, he sets down the plates and the tea mug for us to eat from.We sit in companionable silence as we eat, the tea tastes like how it always did when Jhon used to make it and I'm glad that atleast one thing didn't change.I can hear my phone notification go off in the hall and i swallow the last bit of my omlette and make my way towards the hall to get my phone.
There are a few more men of Moriarty left,they have caused a commotion in diogenes,i want you there in a few minutes, bring Jhon with you. -MH

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Mycroft's office room was vandalised, there were broken windows, red paint splattered all over his desk, important documents half burnt and torn, his chair seems to have been thrown against the wall in a fit of rage to break it.
"It seems personal" Sherlock spoke, his eyes analysing every inch of the room, Jhon stood beside him, doing the same thing."I believe it is" Mycroft spoke, pulling out a plastic zip lock bag from his suit pocket and handing it to Sherlock, the younger man dosen't even acknowledge his brother, he simply snatches the packet from Mycroft's hand, it seems he was still angry at his older brother.The government official sighs, it has always been difficult for Sherlock to get over his grudges."How can you be sure that this was done by Moriarty's men?" Jhon asked, leaning towards Sherlock,trying to look at the contents in the plastic bag."The card that Sherlock's holding, it has a spider's logo on it, namely a black widow,it's Alan Finnick's signature stamp, he always leaves a card behind whenever he causes trouble at a place or an event, he's known for carrying out notorious activities such as these"Jhon's eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline "I killed that man""That's what I was informed about too" Mycroft answers.Jhon let's out a disbelieving huff "I...shot him in the head, no one can survive that"
"That means he has a successor who did this."
"I solved the anagram" Sherlock interrupts."What Anagram?" Jhon asksThe sleuth rolls his eyes "do keep up Jhon, the back of this card has an anagram written on it" he waves the card infront of Jhon's face.Jhon knits his brows in confusion "that's a bunch of gibberish, you solved that?"Sherlock huffs "yes, i unscrambled the anagram, it says 'you shouldn't have come back' "The sleuth furrows his brows "This one seems to be for you Jhon""Why would they vandalise Mycroft's office if it's for me?""Because I'm the one who organised for this whole mission to take place."
Jhon groans "are you fucking kidding me?" He runs his hands through his silver-blonde hair in frustration "so all the stuff I've been through was for nothing!?"
"Not quite, there are only a few other people left off from Finnick's organisation, we weren't aware that there was supposed to be a successor, if we get rid of said successor in time, we won't have much to worry about"
Jhon pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut"How on earth do we get our hands on the successor?we don't know what that person looks like, we don't even know what exactly that person's motivation is, does this successor even exist!?"
"I don't think it would be all that difficult to figure out, I'll have Anthea look into it, we can procure important files and documents from Finnick's organisation, the business has not completely recovered, so hacking into their database wouldn't be much of a problem, moreover, it's the only active organisation in Moriarty's network, the MI6 and You have got rid of every other existing one." Mycroft answered
"Finnick's organisation handles drugs" Sherlock declares, fiddling the card in his gloved hands, he had already removed it from the plastic bag."Yes, it does" Jhon answers, looking at him with an amused smile "still sharp as ever I see,how did you figure that out?"Sherlock's face turns pale, he continues to fidget the card in his hands and dosen't reply, the older man frowns. Usually Sherlock would bask in his compliments and fire off deductions but this time,it looked like Jhon's acknowledgement put him off."I smell perfume, Clair De Lune to be exact, looks like our perpetrator is a woman" the slueth mumbles.Jhon knows Sherlock is trying to deflect, he glances at Mycroft, he has a neutral look on his face.Jhon sighs and lets the topic go for now."Well, if that's the case then we can cut the list short by half yet the task will still be enormous because we have to fish out a faceless and nameless woman from the whole of London, god-! We don't even know where she is right now!" Jhon whinges."I know a woman who uses a perfume of the same brand, she was also acting quite suspicious while Lestrade was questioning her.""Who?" Jhon asks
"Ms.Mary Morstan, i remember she reached out to Sherlock, asking him to help her find her father, I looked into the database for her profile, there was no information about her family whatsoever" Mycroft answers
"That's it, Jhon, give me your phone"The doctor huffs and reaches for his phone in his pocket and hands it to Sherlock.The slueth starts quickly typing into his phone, after a few seconds, there is a ping, Sherlock quickly reads through the text and passes the phone to Jhon."We are heading to Barts"
Jhon looks at the screen and reads the text messages, Sherlock has contacted Lestrade.
I want to have a word with Ms.Morstan, bring her to 221B -SH

-

I was about to contact you, Ms.Mortsan's dead, i can't give all the details through text, meet me at Barts, delete these texts,by the way
whose phone are you texting from?
Jhon goes after the sleuth, grabbing him by his forearm to stop him"Sherlock-! I can't come with you to Barts"
The younger man furrows his brows in confusion"why not?""Because no one else other than you, Mycroft and Mrs.Hudson knows that I'm actually alive" Jhon wanted to add Molly to the list but he wasn't sure how Sherlock would react to that."They will have to know you're alive at some point Jhon, you can't hide forever and you forgot to add Molly to the list of people who know, she was the one who conducted the autopsy, i know Mycroft included her in the plan" Sherlock's voice was flat, his tone giving away nothing.Jhon sighs"I'll tell them myself when things have settled down Sherlock, there is a lot going on now and i am in no mood to add more to the chaos, you go and talk to Lestrade and don't mention anything about me being alive."
Sherlock pouts "Fine" he huffs and storms off, belstaff bellowing behind him like a cape.

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

"Show me her body""Hello to you too...I'm doing well Sherlock, I hope you are too" Lestrade answered sarcastically.The sleuth scowled at the DI"I don't like repeating myself Lestrade"
"Right" he sighed "follow me then"The duo walked into the morgue where Molly stood nervously near a stretcher with the body laying on it, the entirety of it covered with a thin white sheet, the brunette wrings her hands as she speaks in a low voice."It's...um... it's not-!"Sherlock interrupts "remove the sheet"The brunette immediately does as she is told, the dead body is completely drained of blood,her lips are completely blue and her skin has gone translucent,she's so pale that someone would mistake her for a mannequin from afar, although the woman's face certainly dosen't match with Ms.Morstan's."That's not her"Sherlock answers as he scans the body."She
is Mary Morstan, well...according to the official records" Lestrade answers."The woman who asked for my help is not Mary then, she took this woman's identity, most likely killed her too"
Molly added"...the cadaver is half a year old, six months and twelve days to be exact, it had been kept in an old freezer of an abandoned complex...""Some uh...junkie found her body and caused a commotion" Lestrade informed which caused Molly to frown."there were no missing reports filed during her disappearance...?""No" Sherlock answers "She was a homeless person,most definitely lived in that abandoned complex, overgrown nails, thin and dirty hair, lack of personal hygiene and there are signs of malnutrition...""...An orphan too, no wonder Mycroft couldn't find any information about her family" Sherlock mused "no one really knows her, no one really cares if she's dead or alive, so it's easy to kill her and take her identity"The sleuth give out an exasperated sigh"how inconvenient."
Lestrade nods "I'll have the yard go looking for her""Don't waste your time Lestrade, she'll show herself sooner or later""Show herself?" The Di frowns "wouldn't she try to flee...? given that her cover's been blown"Sherlock rolls his eyes"don't be tiring Lestrade, that woman is smart enough to know that it's not that difficult to find a dead body that's been 'hidden' in such an obvious place""So it's kind of a message then?" Lestrade groans "Are we about to deal with a serial killer?""She has a different motive" sherlock mumbles "It's not a coincidence for the ruckus at Diogenes and her sudden disappearance to take place in one day""What...? What are you mumbling? What other motive does she have?" Lestrade stepped towards Sherlock."Don't bother Lestrade" Sherlock tries to move but Lestrade catches him by his forearm "You can't withhold information from the police Sherlock""I can" Sherlock gives Lestrade a challenging look "given that Mycroft is looking into it,much to my displeasure,the British government may be involved here, i can't give you the details."The Di's face twitches in mild irritation "since when did you start following rules Sherlock?"
Sherlock pushes Lestrade's hand off his forearm "I'm not telling you because I don't want to"Sherlock nods at Molly in acknowledgement "I'll be off then"He turns around and leaves a fuming Lestrade behind in the morgue.

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Jhon
After I get back to 221B from Diogenes, i find myself walking from the living room to the kitchen to my locked bedroom upstairs
(i need to talk about that with Sherlock) in a continuous loop without me knowing, i huff and flop onto the couch and try my darnest to relax but it's just
impossible.My body is too rigid and I feel my eyes roaming the parameter of the flat as my brain tries to look for some potential threat even if there isn't any, being on high alert has been so ingrained into my system that it's getting harder to calm myself down and relax for once.
This is going to be so hard to unlearn

i let out frustrated groan and scrub my hand across my face.
recovering from my trauma as an invalid was so much more easier than this.
As I was about to give up on relaxing and start wandering the flat again to calm my nerves I hear the familiar footsteps coming from the seventeen steps leading upto our flat,my head whips up as I see Sherlock opening the flat's door, his cheeks slightly flushed from the cold air and hair tousled by the wind, i feel my body relax on it's own at the sight of his somewhat deshelved and well... adorable appearance.He grumbles something about the 'annoying weather' under his breath and proceeds to shrug off his coat and scarf to hang them on the hooks,something about that makes me want to hug him, hell, i even want to kiss him but i hold myself back, this is all still new and Sherlock is yet know many important things i didn't talk to him about...yet but for now I need to find something to do to in order engage myself.I get up from the sofa while awkwardly rubbing my hands together "so uh...tea?"Sherlock freezes for a moment, i knit my brows together."Did i... startle you?"Something flashes through his eyes but he immediately puts on a neutral mask"Nothing, just took me a while to process that you're alive" he speaks, his tone slightly accusatory.I frown
At least it looks like he isn't trying to lie as to how he feels about all this."Right...sorry about that"His prismatic eyes lock with mine, "Go on then"
I notice that his eyes look almost green with specks of gold swimming around "What?" i ask and if I sound a little out of breath, he doesn't mention it.He scoffs "make me tea, you
offered, remember?" a playful smile plays on his lips, he was only momentarily bitter then.I chuckle and answer "git", i make my way towards the kitchen "some things never change eh?" I smile.I put the water in the kettle to boil "so...what did you find out at the morgue"I hear the shuffling of feet in the living room and assume Sherlock's taken a seat "The woman i helped isn't actually Mary Morstan" he answers nonchalantly."She stole someone's identity?" I indulge him"Precisely, the dead body of the woman they showed me is the real Mary Morstan, she was a homeless person, most likely killed by our imposter."I hummed
"she's smart, Homeless people have little to no personal documents or government records, no one reports them if they die or go missing""You've gotten smarter Jhon" Sherlock muses and I smile,i pull out a teacup from the cabinet and pour the hot beverage into it."I was always smart" i answer as i hand him his cup and he chuckles."What does she look like? If there is a chance that she is really related to the vandalism that happened at Diogenes, I might want to know what she looks like to make it easier to identify her."Sherlock nods "Mycroft has her face captured on few of his security cameras, he'll most likely provide a copy of her photo whether you ask for it or not""Alright" i answer
He takes a sip from his tea and leans back on the sofa and i go and sit on his armchair.We sit in companionable silence for a while until Sherlock suddenly decides to break it."Jhon""Hmm?""Will you ever tell me?"I feel my jaw tighten, a spark of irritation flies across my mind."I told you I don't want to talk about it right now" i deadpan "although I'm sure you can deduce whatever you want to know, Sherlock" i speak in a low, angry tone as i tighten my fists.He looks at me like I've just slapped him across the face "I can deduce, sure" he pauses, scanning my face "but I can't read minds jhon..." He looks away, as if unable to maintain eye contact "you're angry again" he whispers, sounding genuinely hurt.And I feel like an absolute Asshole again

Why am i so shite at this?
"Oh Sherlock...no that's....I wish it was that easy to tell you everything..." I sit next to him and take his face in my hands but he still doesn't quite look me in the eyes "a lot happened when I was away, it's not that easy for me to open up...to anyone...to you but I need you to know that whatever I did, it was to keep you safe and i promise that I'll tell you one day"I finally feel some weight leave my body as familiar prismatic eyes properly lock with mine, they are a perfect deep blue now, i still wonder how his eyes can possibly change colours and still look impossibly beautiful in every shade, i caress one of his perfect, high cheekbones, my eyes wander down to those perfect cupid bow lips and i slightly lean forward, his breath hitches.I look up at him again "can i kiss you?" I ask.His cheeks turn impossibly red "yes" he whispers and I immediately dive in, it starts slow, i peck on his lips once and when he leans in even more, i suck on his cupids bow, causing him to whimper, i smile against his lips and put more pressure into the kiss, as i run my fingers through his soft curls, he tightly clutches my forearm and tilts his head, we slide our lips together and kiss for hours our lips end up swollen and tingling, i hold him closer by his waist, never letting go.

tbc

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

TRIGGER WARNING: ⚠️ DISTURBING IMAGERY⚠️

-------

John
my eyes are tearing up as I try my best not to breathe in the odour of the rotting corpse slung a few feet across from me, despite my stomach being empty, I can feel bile rising up my throat, if I am to puke now, the only thing that will come out is stomach acid and recovering from that will be nothing but pure agony.I am a doctor, i know but I've been exposed to this thing for far too long....I might as well get sick, if I'm not already.
There must be SOME way out
The uneven cement floor and it's few loose bits are digging into my knees, my wrists are red and raw from chafing against the metal cuffs, my shoulder blades and back are in an awful lot of pain as my hands are cuffed above my head, carrying my whole body weight."What is it new guy? Giving up already?"

That Bastard
"In your dreams" i growled, he chuckles darkly.
I grit my teeth as I try to look up, his wretched face twisting into a smirk, greasy brown hair sticking to his forehead,barely concealing the awful scar travelling from his brow and ending at the tip of his nose."Thought you might need some good company" he mocked, hand gesturing towards the damned corpse infront of me, i don't bother to answer as i continue to glare at him."Tough he only lasted for about ten days" he sighs, sounding disappointed, eyes flicking over the carcass and then landing on me, his misshapen features morphing into a crooked, sadistic smile."But I think you might last longer...new guy" he lifts his hands, thick with callouses and brown with grease and dirt to crack his knuckles"you seem to be a tough guy" he sniggers "I can tell""Bite me" i snarlHis smile grows wider "the more defiant you are, the more fun it will be"He moves to dismount a metal bat from the wall mount behind him, a set of metal keys hanging from his belt,glinting under the basement's dim light.
I need to get out
"Jhon...?"
Sherlock
"Jhon, wake up"I feel a large, warm hand raking through my hair, the scene melts before my eyes but the all too familiar dread remains, the opressing weight of the cuffs on my wrists and the phantom pain wracking through my body makes it hard for me to respond right away."Sherlock...?" I croak, god, I'm parched.I open my eyes, my vision remains blurry but Sherlock's hand in my hair keeps me grounded "This... isn't good" I hear him mumble under his breath.my eyes finally refocus as i rub them to wakefulness "M'fine" i protest."Not" Sherlock answers just as defiantly.I sigh

This might turn into an argument I'm not too fond of
"alright..." I shift around to gauge my surroundings, i hear the sofa creaking as I try to adjust myself, Sherlock is laying there with me,his back facing the sofa's headrest, prismatic eyes looking at me with thinly veiled concern.
I had an episode

I try to diffuse the situation"We fell asleep in the couch?" I chuckle awkwardly
He obviously isn't convinced but he nods his head jerkily, he retracts his hand out of my hair "yeah" his voice is barely above a whisper as he tries to smile."I'll...make us some tea" Sherlock offers as he slips out of my arms and wordlessly goes to the kitchen."How come you've never offered before?" I ask, in an attempt to try and lighten the mood but he doesn't respond.
---
"Mycroft,i
hope you have something interesting to offer or are you here to annoy us as usual?" Sherlock speaks in a bored, monotonous voice, looking regal as he sits on his armchair with his legs crossed, Jhon sits on the sofa in a stiff, military like manner as usual.Mycroft ignores Sherlock's quip "While we were digging around,trying to find Mary's or well..."He begrudgingly sits on the Ottoman and ignores Sherlock's smirk "the impersonator's whereabouts, we found one of her footages in Siberia" he ends the sentence rather slowly, eyeing Jhon warily.Jhon's posture grows even more rigid, his jaw tightens as he clenches and un clenches his fist laying on his knee, even Sherlock notices the tension as he frowns at Jhon, his brows creasing."Show us the tape, then" Jhon speaks, his voice cold.Mycroft raises a brow "if that's fine with you Dr.Watson" he puts a chip on the table and gets up."Since she was found to have been involved with Moriarty, given her activities in Siberia, she is on our most prioritised list now" he leans his weight on his umbrella as he stands."MI6 is after her, you two can try to find her if you wish to but I'd say it's better if you leave it to us-!""We will find her alright" Jhon growls as he snatches the chip from the table."We will find her before you do"Sherlock and Mycroft remain awfully stoic despite Jhon's outburst, the brothers looking eerily similar for once."It will be fine either way" Mycroft nods "I'll take my leave then"
TBC

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
Mycroft leaves the room, his uneven gait all the more pronounced with how the seventeen steps creak under his weight, John remains silent as he holds onto the memory chip, his knuckles turning almost white, his jaw clenched.I want to reach out and be of some help,really but John might as well have a 'do not enter' sign hovering over his head. I trace my eyes over the rigid lines of his shoulders, his greying hair tousled, the creases across his face deepened with stress.It looked like he had aged ten years in the span of one and a half.He runs his hand through his hair in frustration."Sherlock" my eyes snap up to look at him."Why..." He turns to looks at me, cerulean eyes piercing yet exhausted "is my room locked?"I blink, why is it locked? It's been like that since he left, too many memories, too much sentiment."No one was using it" i answer "so I asked Mrs.Hudson to lock it"His face twitches ever so slightly, his lips press into a thin line, i try to gauge his expression but it's unreadable.He wasn't as hard to read before."Alright..." He sighs, turning his face away while massaging his temples "Then maybe you could ask her to open it up again, since I'm back"my chest starts to feel tight, I feel something akin to anger and hurt surge through me.
John has always been uncompromising when it comes to personal space
I feel a wave of embarrassment at how attached i have gotten with him just in one whole day."I will tell her that" i answer flatly as I get up from my seat "I'll get you my laptop for that chip."John shakes his head "I don't need that, where is my laptop?"i furrow my brows in confusion "is there a problem with using mine?"John looks hesitant for a moment before he answers "i just...the footage will end up being stored in your laptop-!"i feel the familiar sting of hurt "you don't want me to see the footage." i try to mask my anger but it seems to have bled through my words as John starts to look exasperated."Yes, i don't want you to see the footage" he answers, his voice tinged with frustration."why...!?" i ask indignantly."because i said so Sherlock!" he yells with barely concealed anger, he lowers his voice as he notices me flinching but remains cold
"Just...just where is my laptop?"
I felt the whole room almost close in on me,yet John felt completely out of reach.'There seems to have been a huge crack in your communication.'
Mycroft mocked, his voice echoing off the walls of my Mind Palace, he clearly seemed to enjoy my misery.I let out a resigned sigh as i raked my hands through my curls and tugged at them to calm myself down "it's in your room, you can go ask Mrs.Hudson for the keys" i make my way way towards the door, taking my Belstaff and scarf off the hook."Sherlock where-!?"
"I need some air and you seem to need your privacy" i answer gruffly as i reach for the door and slam it on my way out.
---

John
I nearly crush the chip in my hand out of frustration "Why is it so hard for him to take no for an answer?" i grumble as i get up from my seat, I didn't want him to know about my time in Siberia,because i know for a fact that my imprisonment will be mentioned at some point in the footage.
At least he wore his coat and scarf on his way out, don't want him coming home freezing half to death.
I genuinely don't want to face Mrs.Hudson right now, if i were to go and ask her to give me the keys for my room, she will bombard me with questions i am in no mood to answer.
So, Breaking the door open it is.
"I'll pay for the damages later" i mumble as i head upstairs***I try to open the door gradually by carefully applying force on the door's lock-set, i twist the handle with force and ram my shoulder against the door once, the wood splinters and the door finally gives away.
lock picking would have been less messy but oh well, it takes patience that i don't have at the moment.
I carefully open the door to my musty smelling room, my bed and furniture covered with thin white sheets, everything else seemed to have been left untouched,i expel air through pursed lips as my eyes scan the perimeter of my room,taking in every detail,memories of my days here flooding through my mind.i know why Sherlock asked Mrs.Hudson to lock the room, it's nothing short of traumatizing to see your best friend fall to their death right before your eyes, you wouldn't want to revisit the memories by coming across something that directly ties to said person.
it's a wonder how he still continued to live in 221B
I find my Laptop in one of the drawers of my Nightstand, where i usually used to keep it.i plop onto my dusty bed with the device perched on my lap, when i plug in the charger and open my laptop i find that it's timeline was set to the same Year i had left.I sigh "well this is depressing" i barely whisper to myself as i update the timeline and insert the SD Card into the designated slot of my laptop."alright, how did this work again...?" i squint my eyes at the too bright screen "right...it will be in the file manager"i open the folder and find a footage, it's label read
'Main Office camera _ 01' in bold, black font.my hand hovers over the touch pad for a moment before i finally decide to click.the Footage starts with two men discussing things in the dreadfully familiar office with the chipped grey paint on the walls and an old wooden table with a plastic white chair acting as an office desk, i remember being dragged through said office while being taken to my cell, i feel a lump form in my throat as i try to swallow it down.the men were talking in Siberian, a language i still struggle to understand, one of them leaning on the chair with his legs on the table while the other casually rested against the grey wall, they both continued to talk in a slow, languid manner, i fast forwarded the tape for about two minutes when i noticed a woman enter the room, heavily dressed in black clothes,her short brown hair slicked back,dull blue eyes a stark contrast to her darker hair and attire, she also had a gun resting against her hip, the men stopped talking as they eyed her up and down like prey."You lot speak English?" She asked casually,as if she was asking this question to some friendly strangers instead of actual criminals."Who are you?" the man on the chair asks, his accent thick.The woman pulls out a card with a spider logo similar to the one we found at Diogenes from her pocket and places it on the desk in front of him.The man raises an eyebrow "Alan Finnick is dead"
"His organisation isn't" The woman answers gruffly.The other man who was leaning against the wall puts all his attention on the woman."He has a successor?" He asks, sounding incredulous."Yes and they know that you have someone named John Hamish Watson...." She spits out my name as if it's something filthy "...held in one of your cells" she continues and i straighten up in my seat, my body feeling tense.The men exchange looks "That's his name?" the man took off his legs from the table and leaned towards the woman, "How do we know you're telling the truth, woman?" he sneered as he eyed the woman up and down with a predatory look "...because if you aren't...we won't be so kind about it".The woman scoffs as she pulls out a memory stick from one of her Jacket pockets along with a folded piece of paper, she tosses the paper onto the desk, the man scowls at her but picks it up and unfolds it, his eyes scan the paper and the other man goes to stand behind him, as he takes a look at it over the seated man's shoulder.they once again exchange glances and one of them says something in Siberian, as he nods and looks at the woman "it's him, the profile matches, what else have you got?"The woman waves the memory stick in front of their faces "Proof...Video Proof of Him trying to take down Moriarty's network, we managed to extract a footage of him trying to infiltrate one of Moriarty's garages back in India..." i wince, should have been more careful
"moreover..." She adds on, her voice going grim "He is the one who killed Mr.Finnick, i know you need evidence to take him to your higher-ups, i know the reward will be high enough to get you both out of here but i want something else in return"The man on the chair laughs as he gets up from his seat, hovering over her smaller form"it won't be difficult for us to snatch it from you woman, you think that pesky little gun will keep you safe?""I have my men waiting outside, all i need to do is send a signal and they'll barge in, it won't be pretty" she responds in a dull tone, sounding bored.the men seemed to have grown agitated "you're lying""if you are that skeptical, you can fuck around and find out" she spat.The man sighs and sits back down "what do you want?""You have good influence with the higher ups,help me to make Finnick's successor the next Moriarty, we'll double the prize, you will not have seen that much money in your life,you do that and i'll hand over the evidence." she answers, i feel my heart drop down to my stomach "oh hell no..." i mumble.The man seems to contemplate for a while and finally nods "deal, we'll make the arrangements, you better keep your promise"The woman smiles "will do and..." she leans towards the man "Make sure to keep the man alive, i want to make a few things
even with him" she growls and i furrow my brows.
She must be a devoted follower if she is that pissed over his death
The woman then turns around and leaves.I shut my laptop closed "We need to get a hold of her as soon as possible" i let out a long suffering sigh as i pinch the bridge of my nose.
TBC

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sherlock
The chilly air almost feels like a harsh sting on my skin as I walk out of the door, my hands already start to go cold, starting at the tips of my fingers."Why did I forget now of all times?" i mutter under my breath as I look defeatedly at my gloveless hands.I contemplate going back inside but i will only make myself look like a fool infront of John, i huff as i stuff my hands in my pockets and storm down the street, i don't have a destination in mind, my only goal is to walk till my legs hurt and my brain goes numb from the overflow of information I get by simply looking at strangers.The woman in the black dress at the cafe across the street with a man is already in a relationship, she's cheating.The man who walked right past me passed his interview yesterday and is planning a party.The cabbie who is arguing with another man who hit his cab with a bike has a gambling problem and had lost quite a lot of money at a game recently.The woman in the tan coloured trench coat is in an unhappy marriage, her husband has gotten distant, she is being kept in the dark about something—!I feel my stomach twisting in knots
I hate being kept in the dark, i really, really do and I've always managed to find out whatever that's meant to be kept a secret from me but it's near impossible with Jhon, he's become unreadable and I feel left out from everything.
Looks like your value has gone down, brother dear.
"Just shut up" i mutter under my breath as i continue to storm through the street.I am about to take a sharp turn around the corner when someone bumps into me, i feel sudden pain shooting through my abdomen like liquid electricity as I look down to see a gloved hand holding a knife currently piercing my lower abdomen."If I had known earlier..." A familiar feminine voice growls near my ear "that you were Doctor Watson's weakness,i could've have had so much fun"

Mary
"you...!" I groan in pain as she twists the knife, the pain tearing through my nerves like an endless tide "oh well..." She whispers, her voice giving away her morbid excitement "red looks good on you, Mr.Holmes"She rips out the knife from my abdomen, i scream in pain, blood gushing out of my wound as i collapse on the ground, she storms past me and my mind goes on overdrive and my nerves feel frayed,my hand goes to press the wound on my abdomen in a weak attempt to stop the blood from seeping out, my hands turning red and sticky as the warm liquid slips through my fingers and stains my shirt, i feel tears streaming down my face as it's getting harder and harder to cope with the pain.

At least your hands aren't cold anymore

Mycroft's voice sounds like a faint whisper

You need to stop the bleeding, use your scarf
John's calm voice is a sharp contrast to Mycroft's colder tone, it echoes through my mind palace.I try to reach for my scarf but I feel my consciousness slip much like the blood from my wound, I hear distant shouts and someone rips out my scarf and i feel
pressure on my abdomen, i shout in pain and the world goes black.
TBC