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The crisp wind breaks through the gaps in the mountains as night falls. You shield your eyes from the gusts, steeling yourself within your armor, as your eyes search for her.
She must come soon...Maker, please bring her back to me. I swear on my devotion to you that I will devote myself to her as well. I will see that she never comes to harm like this again. Oh, Maker...have I failed her? Both as military leader and a pursuant of her heart? This should never have happened, and I swear it never will again. Guide her back to me, oh Maker. Your Herald should never have been left to face this alone...
"Deep in thought yet again, I see," Cassandra says, effectively ending your prayer as she strides to a position beside you.
You sigh and nod your head."Commander, you should head to the camp to thaw out. You must be freezing."Your brow furrows--I can't feel the cold. Not while she's still out there. "And how much worse is she doing in this climate, do you think?" you ask, your eyes never leaving the mountain gaps ahead. "You saw her at Haven. She wasn't wearing proper clothes for this chill."
"She likes cold weather. You know that.""Was that intended to comfort me? And how will she deal with the weather she likes while cold and exhausted and spent?"
Cassandra shakes her head. "You have been out here too long. I'll send a guard to replace you--""NO." You realize how loudly you stated that, and the shocked Seeker beside you looks a bit rattled at your adamancy. "No," you say again, this time softer but just as resolved. "I will not rest until she is safe. If that means I must go look for her myself--""And what would she tell you to do if she were here right now?"
It is clear that Cassandra knows of your feelings. Good thing you trust her."She would tell me to remain here. She would say I worry too much about her.""And do you worry about her?""Of course I do.""Commander...you know what I am asking."Your mind slows to a halt, half refusing to answer her while simultaneously trying to think of a diplomatic response to quell her questioning. You think you have formed a proper answer and part your lips to respond, but you don't get to because that's when you see a figure ahead in the space between the mountains. Her.Your breath intakes sharply and your heart skips a beat as you find yourself sprinting to where she is. Before you can make it to her, you see her collapse to her knees in the snow as the wind howls around you. She looks at you and you lock your amber eyes with her icy blue hues as she goes unconscious and you drop to your knees at her side, cradling her in your arms as she goes limp."Renne?! Renne, do you hear me?" you whisper desperately, caressing her frozen face in your gloved hand. The tips of her pointed ears are bright pink from the chill and her coppery hair is dusted with snow and ice. Even her vallaslin looks a dimmer shade of grey than the silvery hue it normally is. Without thinking twice, you remove your large fur capelet and wrap it around her shoulders before taking her into your arms and lifting her from the ground.You cradle her, keeping your face near hers and breathing into her sensitive ears, whispering words of encouragement and an insistence on holding out a little longer."Thank the Maker!" Cassandra bursts, coming quickly to your side, her face now being the one riddled with worry. "We must get her to a healer. Quickly!""I've got her. I'll take her to Mother Giselle. Run ahead and prepare." Cassandra takes off like a bolt of lightning to the camp as you lumber through the deep snowbanks. The wind howls in circles around you, but you still don't care about the cold. Just her. Only her."Renne," you whisper, eyes steeled on bringing her to the camp, "we will be there soon. Hold on...hold on for me. Please." Your arms shift a bit, drawing her closer to you as you enter the camp. Prying and worried eyes follow you as you take her into Mother Giselle's tent where she and another healer are ready for her. Cassandra follows you inside while Leliana waits at the tent's entrance to keep all others out."Lay her here," Mother Giselle states, gesturing to a comfortable cot and you oblige."We're here, Renne," you whisper again for only her ears, praying silently to the Maker that she can hear you. "Please hold on." You gently lay her down onto the cot, keeping your fur around her shoulders as you then lift her legs one by one onto the cot as well.Mother Giselle says something to the other healer, but you don't hear their words. Prayers are flooding your every cell as you take those copper curls and pull them over the cot to hang off the edge, wanting nothing to be in the way of her neck or any part of her the healer may need immediate access to."Get blankets! She's shivering," you say aloud, and Cassandra is there at your side with a hand on your shoulder."Commander, we should let them get to work," she says with a tenderness you had not anticipated from her, but you shake your head vigorously."I won't leave her! Not again," you insist, and she backs away to indicate she knows she cannot stop you. No one can."Commander, can you hold her lips open so I may give her this warming draught?" Mother Giselle asks you and you nod eagerly. You begin to reach for Renne's face, but withdraw when you realize you are still wearing your thick leather gloves. Nothing will stand between you and your love--you know that--so the gloves must come off. Literally.
Quickly discarding your gloves and tossing them aside, your broad fingers move to hold the bottom of her jaw and her chin, coaxing her lips open for the healer to pour the draught into her mouth. As she does, you lay your hand flat on her forehead, willing whatever strength you can give to pass to her. Mother Giselle must feel this moment, because she smiles softly."You care a great deal for her, Commander," she says in a low volume, but you do not respond. You do not have to. It is clear to everyone in the tent at this moment just how deeply you care for the Herald. And how guilty you charge yourself."Will she recover, Mother?" you question heavily."She will. She is stronger-willed than many I have come to heal in the past. And with you at her side, I suspect she will be stronger than ever when she wakes.""What should we do now?" you question, your amber eyes conveying a fire behind them as you look at Mother Giselle, pleading.Mother Giselle moves to a corner, grabbing another lambswool blanket and bringing it to drape around Renne. You tuck the edges of the blanket around her, leaving no part of her body exposed to the elements except for her head."We will be vigilant in her healing, but tonight will be the most trying," Mother Giselle warns and you rise to your feet."I will keep watch over her tonight," you volunteer vigorously."Commander," Cassandra says, "you cannot. You must rest!"You turn your eyes to look at her. "And I will rest once she is recovered." Cassandra goes to say something else but you hold up a hand to her. "This is not up for debate or rebuke. I will stay with her.""Cullen..."Your eyes snap to Renne, the sound of her voice in her delusional stupor forcing her to talk even in unconsciousness."Cullen...Cullen...I have to...tell you..."You kneel at her side again, closer to Renne as she begins breathing in shorter intakes, sounding like frightened hyperventilation. Without even thinking, one hand slides under the blanket to take her hand from its hiding place, your fingers wrapping around hers. The other hand you move to cup her cheek. "Renne," you say softly to her, "it's me. It's Cullen. I'm here. Please rest. I'm here." Her breathing calms in her unconscious state as she senses your presence and she nuzzles her cheek into the warmth of your palm. Her fingers shift within the grasp of your hand as she clutches it close to her body possessively. Shifting only your eyes back to Cassandra, you give her a look of pained concern. "I cannot leave her. She needs me."
Cassandra knows you must rest, but she also knows how resolute you can be, particularly with regards to Renne Lavellan and her plight, and there is certainly no denying what she just witnessed between you two. "Very well. I will bring you a chair to stay by her side until she is well enough to be on her own."You relax a bit, knowing she means it and you will be eternally grateful for her in this. "Thank you."Cassandra exits the tent, as does the healer, leaving the two of you alone with Mother Giselle.Your eyes turn to the Mother. "She heard me, Mother," you say, relieved. "Does that mean she can feel me here, too? She knows I'm here?"Mother Giselle smiles gently, nodding her head. "Given what I have just witnessed, I would say that is not only crucial for her to have you by her side, but it is also imperative that you remain here with her. She needs you, and you need her. As I suspected, she will heal quicker and more thoroughly with your presence."You feel a wash of warmth and comfort at her words. Maker, thank you for bringing her back to my side. Watch over her as she heals and watch over me as I remain here. I will not run. Not again. Never again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"How is she doing?"
The sudden sound of a man's voice nearby startles you awake in your chair a few feet from where your love lies healing, resting, rejuvenating. You feel none of those things, however, when your eyelids shoot open and you see Dorian kneeling by her side.
You can feel your face scowl as you look at him, truly shocked. "Maker's breath!" you exclaim in a hushed whisper. "How did you get in here?!"
Dorian smirks at you over his shoulder before he turns to face you. "You must know I have my ways, Commander."
You sigh, rubbing your temples as they throb from worry and your ever-apparent lack of rest. "You do not have 'ways' when it concerns Leliana's people. She is our spymaster for a reason."
"Her people were not at the entrance to this tent when I came in just now. It was a mere Inquisition guard, and he was rather easily...persuaded to allow me to enter."
"The sound of your persuasions must be terrifying."
"Or pleasurable." He smirks again and you swallow the lump in your throat at the insinuations he is currently implying. "I assure you--all parties will emerge satisfied when I fulfill my promise."
"Please don't say anything else about that to me," you say, putting a hand up to stop him. "I do not need to know the inner workings of your private affairs."
"How gentlemanly of you!" Dorian chuckles lightly, patting Renne's hand softly and clicking his tongue. "No wonder she is so drawn to you.""Do not speak of her feelings for you do not know them." Now you can feel the warmth of your defenses rising and he quirks an inquisitive eyebrow at your sudden strength of demeanor. Perhaps he had not expected you to react this way. Perhaps he had predicted you would react this way. You know it is none of anyone's business but you and her and you aim to keep it that way.
"Commander, how very touching to see you react this way. It is good. She needs that kind of defensive and protective behavior in her life.""You don't know her.""Neither do you, I would wager, even if your feelings are so plain to see." You soften at his words, knowing that he is partially correct. For once. "She has become very dear to me in the short time I have had with her since we met, and your time with her has arguably been just as short."
You move your chair closer to Renne's side, wanting her to feel your protection even while unconscious. "I cannot leave her."Dorian appears sympathetic at your words, and you feel for a moment like he may pat you on the shoulder to signal this. He doesn't, and you are grateful. "You do know she will recover, yes? How could she not?""We still don't know much about her condition with the Anchor--how it affects her, how it works, how we can go about removing it.""...if it can be removed.""Surely there must be a way."Dorian smirks again, a lighter version of the smarmy one he gave you earlier. You can understand why Renne became fast friends with him, and although you don't know him all too well yet, her trust in him is enough for you. It has to be."Mmm..." Renne stirs, shifting a bit, and your eyes and Dorian's immediately fly to her. Before you can think, you are on your knees beside her, taking her hand into yours and folding it within your own.Dorian's essence seems to falter a bit as he bears witness to the warmth between you and her and he sighs softly. "Maker...you two are quite the sight," he compliments, and you know he means it.Your eyes never leave Renne as you give her hand a squeeze. "I have to believe she can fully recover from what happened to her. I have to.""Because you need her," Dorian finishes for you and you nod gently. He takes a few steps away from you, and all you feel now is the swelling affection between you and her as she lay dormant. "For argument's sake, let's say she doesn't recover. What will you do then?""Don't," you caution him darkly. You cannot even begin to think of losing her. Never. This isn't even an option. She must recover from the cold and the exhaustion and the Inquisition and the weight of her plight and the Anchor and the facing of the demon who caused this. She must.
"Commander...it is a very real possibility that we may never uncover how to undo the Anchor, let alone how to remove it.""Please...don't." You can feel your body tensing as you struggle with pushing thoughts of her loss from your mind. You close your eyes and imagine the two of you having a picnic in the middle of a yellow meadow, nothing but love and smiles and peace. That is what you want. And you won't settle for anything less."Hope for the best but always expect the worst. If she recovers fully and all you want comes true, then it is a happy ending for all. If it comes to the worst...then at least you will have prepared yourself for tragedy and taken necessary measures to prevent heartache." He pauses and you open your eyes, feeling them shiver with his voice. "Please do not give in to what-ifs and could-bes. It will give her--and more importantly you--false hopes so strong that you will be the one unable to recover." You can feel the distance between you grow as he reaches the entrance to the tent. "All I ask is you weigh all options and prepare for all possible outcomes."
Then he is gone and you let go of Renne's hand momentarily so you can pace about the room. Adrenaline is suddenly pumping through you as you mull over Dorian's words. You hate how right he is. You hate that everything negative he said could actually come to fruition. You hate what is happening to her. You hate that you can't just fix it--and her--yourself.
I feel powerless...
That realization hits you like a druffalo charge to the ribcage and you feel your shoulders slump with a proverbial weight you have never experienced before. There have been a lot of things you had not experienced before her and you do not want to uncover any new things with anyone else besides her. She is what you want, and it destroys your emotions to think of what could happen to her, and of all you want to experience with her yet.
You shiver fearfully as you watch the Anchor begin to glow a bright green. She winces in her sleep, groaning as if it is hurting her, and you feel like a sword has just cloven your heart in two.You drop to your knees by her bedside again, the tears falling before you can stop them. You reach out and take her hand. Your original intention was to hold her hand, kiss the back of it, and sleep the rest of your night just like that. Instead, you do something more bold.With the Anchor pulsing its demonic green within her skin, you take her hand and lay her palm against your tear-stained cheek, laying your hand over hers to flatten her fingers against your face. You nuzzle your lightly stubbled cheek against the softness of her undulating palm, your body heat transferring to hers as you watch her face soften and relax within your contact."Renne..." you say in a trembling, husky tone of voice, and you swear you see her ears twitch at the sound, "Renne...please. You must come back to me. We have so much to accomplish together, to see together, to be together. Even if the outcome is bleak and dreary--whatever happens, I will be at your side. I swear to you on all that is good and holy and green in this world. Please. Please, darling...come back to me."She sighs in her sleep, a pleasurable and relaxed tonality in her very aura."Cullen..." she whispers faintly and your heart stirs, more tears falling. This time they drip over her fingertips. You hold your hand over hers where it cups your cheek and the other you hold her wrist, willing that the last of your strength for now will pass from your body to hers, and you could swear by the light of Andraste that you can feel your body and hers connecting spiritually. You are linked by circumstance and chemistry and love, and you feel peace wash over you once more as sleep begins to consume you.You slide back up into your chair, never moving your hands or hers, and it is in precisely this position that sleep wins the night and you can rest with her.
Just a little while longer...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The heady scent of him overwhelms your senses. You can feel the electric touch of his fingers everywhere. On your blushing face. On your slender neck. Down your ample-enough chest. Over the sensitive skin of your breasts. And then you feel him lower. His hands are sliding into your pants, beneath the waistband of your underwear, until his strong digits are between your slick folds and his mouth is breathing hotly on your earlobe.
"Renne," he coos, his voice a mild whisper coated thick with desire, "you are so wet for me..." And then his fingers are moving expertly in all the right ways, in all the right places, and with the right amount of pressure.You moan, wanting to move your hands up to weave through his thick, wavy hair but you don't. Because you can't move. All you can do is lie there completely frozen still while his magical fingers coerce you to pleasure.And that's when you awaken.It has been a few days since the Inquisition's arrival at Skyhold, and you're more than grateful to have an actual bed in your own private bedroom. You are sleeping better now than you have in months...and hotter than you have ever slept in your life.You can feel the pool of wetness between your legs and the chill of the fluids where they have supernaturally cooled the sheets you are lying on. Rising from the bed, you feel the velveteen rug beneath your toes and the pads of your feet. Such a luxury to have rugs again. If only I could keep the sheets clean for more than a couple of days...This isn't the first time your desires during your sleep have caused your sheets to require immediate cleaning--it happened a few times in Haven--but now your vividly sexual dreams are happening more frequently, and a distress of sorts fills your thoughts.
As you bundle your sheets and stuff them into a crossbody satchel, your mind swirls with too many thoughts and unanswered questions. I know how I feel, but these dreams haunt me, even after waking. I need to find out if there is a way to tame them...
After you are dressed for the day, you descend the stairs from your bedroom and head into the main hall. You decide not to style your long and unruly red curls today, instead deciding to leave them flowing over your shoulders and down your back. Easier this way. There is too much on your mind at the moment to worry too much about your hair.You pass through Solas' chamber where he is painting a new section to the murals on the wall. He makes eye contact with you and nods his head in acknowledgement, and you briefly consider asking him if dreams of this nature can be controlled. But you don't. While Solas could be considered a friend of yours, you know he would absolutely judge you for letting your natural dreams be thus. So instead, you continue heading up the winding staircase.At the top of them is Dorian's nook. You know where he has been spending his nights and with whom, but that's not the subject you wish to discuss. Not at this precise moment, anyway.He is there, his features brightening the moment he sees you."My, Renne, you look ravishing this morning!" he compliments, giving a flirtatious whistle as he gestures to your hair. "Vivienne might want you dressing in full and audacious gowns like the empress, but I quite enjoy this undone look of yours. Much more humble and naturally sexy.""...good morning to you, too," you say with a chuckle before your features return to their stressed look. He notices."While we both know you enjoy the pleasure of my company for company's sake, that is not why you are before me, is it?"You shake your head softly. "Sadly, no. I have...an extremely personal question to ask you."He quirks an eyebrow inquisitively. "Oh? Ask away."You chew on your bottom lip and take a deep breath before you ask him, "How do you get cum out of sheets?"Dorian hardly seems surprised at your question, and while you can sense that he wishes to giggle, he maintains composure and clears his throat before responding. "Dreams are pushing you to finish while unconscious again, yes?" You nod, almost on the brink of pure embarrassment. "They must be quite intense for you to continue to respond to them this way...and with regularity like this.""They are more than intense," you say, whispering as a soldier passes behind you to head further up the tower. "They're real. I can feel him and smell him. Even our sex together leaves that heady scent in the air."
Dorian appears to ponder what you are saying, but for some reason, it feels superficial. "I don't think I would have guessed that the Commander would be so...efficient in bed, but stranger things have happened, I suppose.""Dorian," you say, your voice a precaution for him not to joke at this moment.Any laughter behind his eyes falls away and he responds to your warning by dropping the joking tone. "Have you told him yet?"You laugh shortly, taken aback by this question and now it is your turn to answer with a joke. "Of course! I walked right into his office and looked him right in the eyes and said, 'Cullen, my desires for you make me dream of fucking you so passionately that it leaves me wet in my dreams and soaked in my waking." Your breaths are in shorter pants from the anxiety your words have just sparked. Dorian doesn't even bat an eyelash, and you sigh, rubbing your temples. "That was sarcastic and crass. I'm sorry.""There is no need to apologize for the sarcasm, since it is me you are speaking with. As for the crass statements, you have to tell him how you feel. Clearly there is something between you both and the longer it goes unresolved, the more intense and frequent these dreams will become."
You know he is right about that. You did not come here expecting to hear any differently, but hearing his vote of approval and his advice calms your nerves somewhat.He continues, laying a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. "You can do this. You faced down Corypheus several days ago--how could this be any worse than that?"You give him a small smile as you wrap your arms around him in an embrace. He responds, patting your back lightly. Corypheus ignited your courage when facing him. Cullen, on the other hand, sparks your deepest, primal urges of passion.You aren't sure which one scares you more.
-Cullen's POV-
"Commander! Ahem!"The loud voice in the doorway to your office makes your ears ring as you snap around to see Dorian storming towards your desk with a heated look in his eyes."What's the meaning of this?" you question, gesturing for the soldier in your office to depart.Once they are gone, Dorian speaks. "You haven't told her, have you? You haven't mentioned yet how you were by her side for two days during her healing. You haven't told her how you feel about her."
Your face falls and you give him a small sigh. "All of that is true. I haven't told her yet.""When will you?"You scoff. "I don't think that's any of your business."Dorian furrows his brow in frustration at you, and you know that this is his protective side coming out of him. "It is my business where my dear Renne is concerned. She is in agony, Commander. Her subconscious is out of control and her conscious self is unraveling with everything yet to be said."Your heart lurches as you hear his words. I never want to hurt her. Not ever. Oh, Renne...
"Talk. To. Her." His words are short and direct and you nod your head decidedly."I will. I never want to hurt her."Dorian brightens a bit. "Good! Then fix this."
I will. It's time she and I talk...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen's POV
Dorian is right--you must talk to her and tell her the truth. Maker, how I hate admitting that he is right...though I know he cares for Renne. And while you know there is nothing but friendship and platonomy between them, it still makes your bones ache to know that another male cares deeply for the woman who holds your heart.
Your armor is beginning to chafe against your thighs as the leather prevents this from getting any worse. You know it is because of your almost incessant pacing, but you cannot stop, not while there are considerations to be made and words carefully planned and processed before you speak to her.
Your mind races a bit over the many ways you could introduce the subject, perhaps invite her warmly into a vulnerable discussion, but each path and each word you imagine feels put-on, feels too rigid for speaking with her on true matters of the heart.
Dammit...how will I do this? What can I say to make this easier on myself and, more importantly, on her? Maybe I can take her away from this place for a short time, get some time alone? That might work! Yes! I could--
Your thoughts are quickly interrupted by a voice in the door to your office. Well, not a voice. Her voice.
"Commander?" Renne says from the doorway, and you spin quickly around to face her, your heart lurching from the sight of her. Her curtaining curls of coppery auburn are undone and cascade from her shoulders down to the line of her waist. Her already large eyes are wide--almost fearful--and seem to shine a brighter ice blue than you have ever seen them before which makes your skin tingle at the intensity in her gaze. She is dressed simply in clothing from her alienage, peeks of her pale but freckled collarbones showing through the maroon material. Her trousers are tighter to her skin with cutouts for her bare feet as her toes lay against the stone and you realize that you have never seen her feet bare like this. She looks simple. She looks like the heritage of the Dalish she hails from, but she is so much more than that now--she is the Inquisitor and she is worthy of respect, and, dammit, you respect the hell out of her.
Pulling yourself back from the musings of the casual but painstakingly beautiful sight of her lithe body before you, you clear your throat and finally the words come out. "Inquisitor," you say, noting the soldier in the corner of your office eyeing you both cautiously as she steps further into your office.
You can hear the soft shuffle of her bare toes on the stone and every step quickens your heart as she makes her way to you. Her eyes cast downward a bit and you can see her wringing her hands so fiercely that her knuckles are white, whiter than her already pale skin as she stretches her skin taut with what you can only assume is nerves. She is absolutely coming unraveled in front of your eyes and you have never wanted to declare yourself as hers more than this moment.
"I was hoping we could talk...alone," she says when she looks back up at you, her eyes locked onto yours again, and your heart sinks into your stomach.
It's time...Maker, guide me through this...
Renne's POV
You walk beside him as the pair of you make your way to the battlements. At first, you think you can hear the faint clink of his armor as if his body is shaking within the confines of the steel--Is he as nervous as I am? No...not him. Not Cullen. He is so sturdy and strong...but maybe...
His proximity makes your stomach flutter from the closeness as you stride alongside one another in step together, and you can feel a familiar tinge of weakness that his presence and touch have only evoked in dreams, and you shake your head to yourself in an attempt to quell the racy thoughts now surfacing as reality.
"It's...a nice day..." he speaks, the richness of his voice conveying the nerves you can now audibly hear, and when you glance over at him, he is rubbing the back of his neck with his leather-gloved hand. He stops walking once he thinks you two are far enough out of earshot of others and he sighs, more a sound for himself than for you. "There was something you wished to discuss?"
You look into his eyes and see him visibly swallow from the eye contact. You have thought of this exact moment a million times each day and what you would say when the time came, and now it is here, and you feel your nerves wanting to tongue-tie you away from speaking your mind. But you are resolved, and you need to know. Either way, you must know. So you muster the courage and inhale.
"Cullen," you say, and you watch his ear twitch at the sound of your voice saying his name, "I care for you...perhaps more than you know...or perhaps not." He nods as if to affirm your words, or maybe to tell you it's okay to continue. So you do. "I think of you...well, all the time, really."
He pauses, but only briefly, before he speaks again, this time in a calmer tone. "I think of you the same...and, Renne...I care for you, too."
You have never felt relief like this before. It washes over you and it is almost as if all your nerves are cleansed from your body, washed away by the reassurance and affirmation that apparently, the two of you think of one another romantically enough to admit such feelings now. And yet, a question lingers and you decide to voice it.
"What's stopping you?" you ask, laying your hand on the stone wall beside you as if to steady yourself from your own vulnerability.
"You're the Inquisitor and we are at war," he answers, a sadness behind his croon as he shakes his head. "...and to be honest, I didn't think it was possible. I hoped it was."
"And here I am before you, telling you how I feel." You give him a small smile of encouragement and he returns the same expression in kind.
"So you are," he says, and now it is he who sounds relieved to hear your affirmation and reciprocation of intimate feelings.
You lean back against the wall and a lump forms in your throat as you watch him step closer to you, a kind of hunger in his eyes you have never seen before. The tension between the pair of you is electric, and you can feel your magic pulsing. His amber eyes are on your lips as he moves in closer, and you don't push him away. You don't want to. You want him to do as he wants. You want him to kiss you. You want him. And he wants, too.
In a moment, his hand is on your waist as he draws nearer and you can feel the weight of his hand. You wish that somehow the gloved hand would brand you, right there, as his and only his. And then he is inches away from you and you can feel your breaths shallowing as he begins to lean in toward your face.
Up close like this, he is so beautiful. You can see every stubbled hair on his jaw line, every pore in his smooth flesh, every fleck of gold in his eyes. You can feel everything in this moment--every passion, every ounce of fleeting feeling you have ever had for him, and, fuck, you hope he can feel it, too.
"It seems too much to ask..." he coos, a cooling sensation on his tongue as he speaks this time, and you know that this is what intimacy--true intimacy--is and how it should always be. "...but I want to..." And then he is closing the distance between the two of you, and you prepare for impact. But it doesn't happen.
"Commander!" a soldier's voice interrupts, sending you whirling back to reality and to this moment in the most brutal way. You feel jarred as Cullen pulls reluctantly back from you, frustration tightening his voice as he speaks with the soldier, and you are left trying to get your bearings back. You can't hear the soldier speaking, nor do you quite know what must happen in this moment in time, but you do know that perhaps things left unsaid--undone--must wait for another day.
You sigh softly into the silence hanging in the air like a rift has formed. "If you need to--"
And you don't get to finish. Because it is then that his lips are on yours and his gloved hands cup your face. You are startled a bit as your body is thrown suddenly hurling back into the maelstrom of electricity in your connection with him. Your knees buckle slightly at the firmness of his kiss, but gods, his mouth feels so good pressed to yours, and you kiss him back, relinquishing yourself to this, to him.It's as if he can feel the weakness in your body and he draws you closer still, as if to bring your body into the comfort of his embrace. You rest your hands on his biceps, as the firmness of each other's lips has your soul enraptured, along with the rest of you.
After what feels like an eternity, he breaks the kiss, his breaths breaking as he gets his air, and you nuzzle your nose against his before he pulls back more, a kind of realization crossing his already striking features.
"I'm sorry," he says, and you know that he means his apology for the abruptness of his kiss, not for the kiss itself. "That was...really nice."
Your eyes bore into his as your hand grips his bicep more. "You could do it again," you state boldly, knowing that your wide and icy hues are conveying a hunger for more of that, a kind of longing you have felt for him for a long time.
His brows raise at your boldness, and then he smirks, a twinkle behind the flecks in his eyes. "With pleasure..." he says, his voice barely above a whisper as he leans in again, pressing his lips to yours once more. This kiss is more fluid, softer than the one before, but the connection is still just as intense. As his lips and yours entwine, you lose yourself in the tenderness, your hand sliding up to rake your fingers through his hair. His blond locks are dense but soft beneath your touch, and he groans lightly into your mouth as you touch him.
The pair of you is so lost within the meshing of lips and the first intimate contact of skin with him that you almost don't hear the whispers and gasps coming from passersby who scurry off. But you've heard them. And as much as you don't want this to end, you certainly cannot continue this here in the open, not with the places your mind is running to now at the surface of everything.
You break the kiss, and his lips linger near yours, still pursed before he opens his eyes and scans your face. "Is something wrong?" he asks, and you can hear the twinge of concern.
"Not at all," you reassure him, and he remains silent, still holding you, as he waits for what you have to say. "We shouldn't continue here...let's go." With a wide and beaming smile, you take his hand into yours, the leather grip of his gloves fitting somehow within your slender and bare digits and lead him away from the battlements.
Your heart and stomach are flipflopping as you tug him in tow, and you can almost hear the brightness of his grin as he eagerly follows you towards your private destination: your chambers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen's POV
She is leading you with a kind of assured confidence, and as the pair of you pass through the main hall past all the wandering eyes--eyes whose gaze you couldn't care less about at this precise moment--and you finally come to the door leading up to her chambers, a lump forms in your throat. Not a lump of fear, but of nervous anticipation for what awaits you beyond the wooden frame of the door.Once she closes the door behind you, she wiggles her fingers on the hand that isn't holding yours, her magic pulsing to lock it. She gives you a smirk before she ascends the stairs, your own footfalls just behind hers. Your eyes wander over her as she walks, your gaze drinking in the view of her with eyes wide open for the first time. The gentle sway of her red curls glistening with gold flecks as you pass the sunbeams pouring through the windows. The muscles flexing in her calves beneath the tight trousers housing them. The natural curves of her body--have her hips always been so shapely? Of course they have, you tell yourself with a shake of your head, but this is the first time you've really noticed the rather buxom lines of her well-proportioned frame. Most elf women you have seen are shaped like planks of wood, like swords they fashion or staves they wield--nothing exciting. But not Renne. It could be your desire for her creating lines and shapes in her already statuesque build taking form of the lust and affection in your heart, but you don't care. No matter the source of these views, she is the most bewitching and alluring specimen you have ever laid your eyes on.She turns to face you as you finish your ascent of the stairs, her wide and icy eyes locked on your gaze alone."Why did you bring us here?" you blurt in a tender tone before you can still your mouth from asking.A grin curls the corner of her lips upward deviously, and your heart sinks as she makes her way over to where your back is on the stone railing. "You made such a heartfelt confession," she responds. Did I? I don't recall saying anything too passionate. "...and I want to reward good behavior."She slides her hands up the chest plate of your armor and to your shoulders sensually, her eyes shifting from your gaze to your lips where she stands up on tiptoe to press a kiss to them. You sigh softly as she kisses you and you return the kiss just as sweetly, but then she is kneeling before you, her eyes now locked onto your crotch at eye level for her."Renne," you say in a weak whisper, looking down at her in shock as your heart races. "W-What are you doing...?" When her eyes flash up to yours again, the darkness behind her eyes makes your stomach lurch from the deep hurt behind them. There is no lie in her eyes. Whatever she responds, be prepared, you tell yourself."I owe you," she says flatly, "so this is my repayment as is custom." Her gaze goes back to your crotch and she reaches forward, her fingers grazing the flap over your cock and you snap to reality, reaching down to take her hands firmly into yours before she can continue."Renne," you say as gently but resolutely as you can, "no."She slowly gets to her feet, utter confusion now on her features. "But I owe you and I must pay you back."You meet her gaze tenderly, a kind of empathy washing over you as you gently shake your head. "You owe me nothing."She blinks rapidly, her brow furrowing in loss. "But is this not a customary form of repayment?" There is a coldness in her tone, almost like her question is rehearsed more than the answer, and you ache to imagine why."Come," you whisper, wrapping an arm around her waist to guide her to the edge of her bed--made luxurious by some recent upgrades--and you sit her down before taking a seat beside her and looking at her beside you. "Why would you think that this is a form of indebted payment?"She turns her face away, eyes cast downward sheepishly, and you know that she is about to retreat into herself. In a gesture of warmth and humanity, you remove your gloves and place them aside. Your fingers find hers and take them into your palm, your other hand pushing your mantel off. You bend a knuckle to nudge just underneath her chin, placing a gentle pressure there to coax her to look at you again. She does, and now the hurt behind her eyes is a sadness rooted deep within her, and you ache to see it."If I tell you why, you won't want to be with me anymore," she says, and you can tell she means that.You inhale and exhale deeply, outstretching your fingers from her chin and tucking a long curl behind her ear, the points now reddened from what you assume is embarrassment."Try me."
Renne's POV
You don't want to tell him. You've never actually told anyone outside of your clan what happened to you all those years ago, and even though you know Cullen and understand that he will never betray or forsake you, the thought that even one singular moment from your past could make him run at any moment frightens you to no end. But you feel a kind of deep understanding between the two of you unlike anything you've ever felt and as you stand on the precipice of risk and honesty, you recall your many dreams of him. If you can lie still while he is touching you everywhere on your body, bare before him as he plummets his fingers into the depth of your wetness, you can surely talk to him. So you leap from the precipice and into the unknown.You close your eyes briefly to gather your bearings before you speak and when the words finally come out, they are calmed and trusting. "There were many raiders and bandits who would come upon our aravels in darkness. We came to expect that. What we did not expect were the small groups of bandits who would wander into our encampments in broad daylight. They were more exacting, more demanding, more salacious."Cullen sighs worriedly, shifting his body closer to yours and taking both of your hands into his as he rotates to face you. "Humans--er, shems?" he questions."Most of them were," you tell him, pausing before you continue, "but the lecherous ones were other elves from other clans." His breath intakes sharply, and you now turn your body to face his, gripping onto the warm of his fingers. "They were much less kind. The first time they came, they took so many things...including my innocence. I tried to fight one of them off with the uncultivated magic I had at that time, but I was too young and small for that then."Cullen looks into your eyes with a glisten as if he may weep. "How old were you?""I was eleven.""Maker's breath," he exhales, his chin quivering, "oh, Renne." He wraps his broad arms around you and pulls you into his armored chest. Your arms slide around his neck to grip tightly and maybe absorb into him. You send a pulse of sympathetic magic from your body to his as you bury your face into the crook of his neck and one of his hands moves up to hold the back of your head. You have never been embraced like this before. You can feel his comforting soul wrapping around the pair of you, and you relinquish all reservations within him as his biceps tense to grip you closer. "My Keeper told me that this is what has become of our people, that this is normal behavior. And I accepted his words. When I wandered into the cities to find supplies over the years, I crossed paths with many men wanting the same thing from me. It was how I was to pay them, that this was customary for repayment. I thought that this was what had become of our people--that we were merely receptacles for nasty men and their slimy intentions." You pull back from the embrace, your eyes wide as you realized what you just said. Your hands cup his face in desperation, searching for repentance. "Cullen, I do not mean that you are nasty and slimy. I don't know why I said it that way. I just meant about the men I came across in my wanderings--""Renne," he says firmly, stopping your rapidfire ramblings, "I did not take it to mean that."You breathe a sigh of relief, resting your forehead against his as the last light of day creeps low into the room. Darkness will be upon you soon, and it is clear that he cannot stay here. Not tonight. Not with so many people having seen you both."Cullen," you whisper, nuzzling your nose affectionately against his, "it will be dark soon and people will gossip...""I know," he responds, but makes no move to release you from his grasp. Each of you sits there, foreheads nested together and two sets of hands cupping two faces in attempt to reach into the depths of the other's soul and remain here, like this, forever. "When will I see you again?"A smile stretches your lips and you pull back slightly to look into his eyes. "Can I visit your office during the day to steal you away?"He smirks and nods, a playful gleam in the amber of his eyes. "I always have time for you."You nod, chuckling softly as you swipe your thumbs across his cheeks, finding them just as smooth as you have often imagined. "And then, at the end of the day, I will meet you in your office.""...and then, I will be all yours." "You're already mine," you coo instinctively, watching flickers of flame dance in his dilated pupils."Maker..." he breathes heavily, leaning in to kiss you again and now it's your turn to be the kindling. This kiss may have passion behind it, but it is a chaste kiss, full of promise.And this is one debt you can't wait to repay.But it will have to wait for tomorrow. Because now he is draping his mantel back over his shoulders, and then he is standing, and then he is by the stairs where they descend. He is still holding your hand, still gazing piercingly into your eyes, and refusing to turn his back too soon, because he is lost entirely with you here. He does not want to leave you, does not want to put a period at the end of this day's sentence, and you feel the longing as well. But it must end."Renne," he says in a goodbye kind of fashion, smiling tenderly."Cullen," you say in kind, smiling lovingly at him."I...I..." he begins but does not finish. There is no period at the end of that sentence of his--only an ellipses. He swoops in to cup your face in his hands again and draw you in for one last kiss. Another promise. A wax seal. He leans in to your ear and whispers hotly against your sensitive flesh. "Rest well. I don't think we will be getting much sleep tomorrow night."Your heart races at the thought and you bite your lip as you grin mischievously, and when he starts to pull away and winks at you before descending the stairs, you know tomorrow night cannot come too soon.He descends into the shadows, and you start to move toward the wardrobe to change for bed, but a hoarse whisper echoes from the bottom of the stairs."Renne! Renne!"Your feet swiftly fly you to the railing and you lean over, peering into the formless shadows. "Yes?" your voice is in a similar whisper."Can you unlock the door?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Renne's POV
Your focus the next day is almost entirely nonexistent, and that's not to speak of your magic focus. Your mind is swimming, churning, yearning over and over about Cullen, about the romance the two of you have just struck, and about all that has happened in such a short time. You should be pouring yourself into your work, into the necessities of your title. You should be gifting the latest chapters of Swords & Shields to Cassandra, having a walkabout with Josephine, receiving updates and advice from Leliana, and planning the next moves in the stratagems against Corypheus. But you're not doing any of those things. Instead, you are tinkering away in the Undercroft, your hands idly patching your favorite armor and modifying the extra upgrades to weaponry you found during your recent time in the Fallow Mire. Armor, however, is the farthest thing from where your mind wants to be.You glance up from the table several times per hour, and to any studious eyes, it would only appear as if you are adjusting position based on the lighting. In truth, you are just biding your time until dusk. Until you can be in his presence again. Until you can be with him. Until he is there with you, beside you, against you.Gods, this time is dragging, you think to yourself, noticing at once that your leg is bouncing anxiously. What is happening to me? There is so much to be done, but I cannot seem to find the will to even care at the moment. All I want, the only place I want to be is..."Inquisitor?" Harritt's voice sounds from across the space between you where he is hard at work crafting various weapons. Your eyes snap up to meet his as the sound of his voice's echo against the walls of stone startles you a bit. "I think I'll be closing up for the night."
But there is still light out...
"Oh, of course," you say, rising from the table to gather your things. "My apologies. I assumed we have probably hours left until darkness and I was biding my time.""No worries," he says, glancing out at where the light comes into the area. "It's shadowy in here, but the sun setting makes it look brighter. It's nearly nightfall."
Shit!
Your arms quickly gather the remains of your items and you rush to the chest by the entrance where you store so many of your things. "Have a good night, Harritt!" you shout from the door as you close it behind you.The main hall is mostly empty now, and raucous noise of merriment from the tavern can be heard faintly as you make your way into Solas' chambers. He is asleep on the couch against the wall, an open book laying on his chest as you stand on tiptoe and glide through his room with ease, careful to close the doors reverently.You can feel it as you rest your feet flat against the stone of the battlements and see the stars beginning to peek into the sky in half while the lower half grips on to the last moments of daytime. You can feel the air thicken, the electricity become more concentrated, the space between you and him densifying as you close in on his location. And now you're here. You don't knock. You can't wait for that. Instead, you enter his office. And there he is.His back is turned to the door and a stack of books are in his arms. He goes to move them to the bookshelf and catches sight of you now in his office and he gasps, dropping the entire stack of books to the floor."Confound it!" he mutters under his breath, and you smile softly at the sound. "Oh, Maker's breath..." he crouches and begins to pick up the books, one by one, and you close the distance."Would you like some help?" you question, bending over to pick up one of the books for him. As you straighten your spine to stand up and your eyes meet his face, the wideness of his eyes and the slight part in his lips tells you he was watching you the whole time, probably just like that."T-Thank you," he says as you lay the book you grabbed on top of his stack. "I did not hear you come in.""It wasn't my intention to frighten you," you tell him, and he chuckles a bit."I was...lost within my thoughts when you entered."
...was he thinking about me, too?
Cullen places the books at the edge of his desk near a few half-rolled scrolls of parchment. From what you can surmise, it appears as if he, too, was busying himself with whatever he could find to do as preoccupation until this moment. "The main hall is empty," you tell him when he looks at you again, "so I will go on ahead to my chambers. Meet me there in a few minutes...or whenever you're free as you may have some work to do."Cullen shakes his head in an almost solemn way, his amber eyes locked onto yours. "There is always more work to be done, but when the sun sets, I'm all yours."You smile warmly at him, and he smiles at you in return, your heart fluttering. Damn, he has a hold on me. "I'll see you soon." As you turn to leave, you can feel his eyes never leave your back so when you reach the door, you glance back at him from over your shoulder. "When you come up, lock the door behind you."Cullen smirks, the expression of his which sends your mind into a complete frenzy, and when he speaks next, you can hear the lilt in his voice. "Oh, I will."~When you are finally back in your chambers, a sense of relief washes over you temporarily, quickly replaced by nerves as you begin to question your decor and whether or not he will scrutinize you for the choices you have made. Will he disapprove of the choice of color in the velvet tufts of your couch? Will the wood of the desk turn him off? Will the unkempt state of your sheets and bed coverings make him second-guess the desire to be with you?These questions shoot like sparks through your mind as you move lithely from one place to the next in an attempt to hide your normalcy, to mask the fact that you are fallible and, at times, disorderly. That is not the side of you that you wish him to see. You want only the best for him to see at all times. Presentation is the key to successful courtship...right?...right?You can't imagine what lay in store for the two of you but if the fluttering in your stomach is any indication, there is much to be seen and shared together and the mere thought excites you to no end.Your heart skips a beat when you hear the gentle clink of armor ascending the stairs, growing closer and closer...
My hair! It is unseemly!
You rush to the looking glass above your chest of drawers, seeing far too many hairs out of place so you quickly tuck them into the space behind your ears and pray to yourself that they remain there."You don't need to tidy yourself up for me, you know," a voice as smooth as silk says and you feel the chills race down your spine.You turn on your heels quickly, just in time to see him sitting down onto the couch, "I wanted to make myself presentable for you," you confess, folding your arms nervously behind your back as you lean back against the drawers.He smirks in your direction as he removes the pauldrons from his shoulders and slips his feet out of the armored boots. "There is no need for that, Renne. You are the picture of perfection and nothing will sully that in my mind."You can feel the heat rising in your face as you awkwardly bite your lip and glance around the room. "Do you like the decor I've selected?"He is silent for a moment as he unbuckles his chest piece and removes it, but then he looks to the windows, to the desk and shelves in the corner, and then to the bed. "It is all very...pleasant to behold." You slyly watch from the corners of your eyes as he slides the gloves from his hands and rubs them. "I selected the window glass to reflect the Frostback Basin style--lots of blues and muted yellows. I think it gives a comforting glow to the room when the sun shines through them."
Shut the fuck up. This gorgeous man in your room is here to spend time with you, and you're talking about the fucking glass stain patterns?!
"Yes, it is lovely in sunlight and I'm sure the blues cast equally lovely shadows in the moonbeams of night," he says, and you feel stupid for even chatting about this and even lesser at the thought of him thinking less of you for your idle chat. He rises from the couch, his eyes now locked on you as he crosses the space between.Your heart gradually picks up speed as he nears, your gaze glued entirely to his, and you can see a shimmer in the amber of his eyes as he stands before you."Renne," he says lowly, "I have thought about you all day." And now your heart may burst forth from your chest and merge straight into his. He places his hands on your shoulders and runs his palms thoughtfully down your arms, his fingers tugging your hands from their place behind your back and to the front so that he may take your hands into his own. His hands are warm and broad and strong, but there is such a genteel nature about the way his digits caress yours."I thought about you all day, too, Cullen," you admit, and he smiles softly, casting his eyes down to your hands as his thumbs apply a slight pressure to your knuckles. Looking back into your eyes, you smile as he raises your hands to his lips, and he kisses your freckled fingers with a reverence you had not expected. And then he wraps his arms around your body and draws you in for a loving embrace. The connection deepens when you circle your arms around his neck and bury your face into his shoulder. For a lingering moment, the two of you breathe each other in, savoring the warmth and comfort of this moment as if letting go would mean to lose it all. You know how preposterous that truly is, but the fear of losing this, of losing him...The embrace loosens and he pulls back just enough to lay his forehead against yours. His fingers stroke the sides of your hair, and even though your eyes close from the tenderness of the gesture, you can feel him smiling.And now, you can finally relax.~
Cullen's POV
Being here with her is nothing you have ever experienced--and, indeed, it seemed impossible for quite some time that something like this could even happen. But here you are, and here she is, and this moment? Indescribable."What did you have in mind for us tonight?" she asks, and you understand that she is referencing your comment last night before you departed. And you love that she asks."I... I want us to talk," you respond vaguely, and she seems confused by this, so you regain your bearings and continue. "I want us to talk about everything and nothing. I want to learn everything about you and for you to learn everything about me. I will not hold back from your questions and I do not want you to hold back either. For the first time in my life, I wish to be vulnerable with someone...with you. If you'll let me."She pulls back a bit within your embrace, a kind of sheen to her eyes that makes your heart sing. "I'm in. Let's talk!"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Renne's POV
"--and he was completely plastered. Absolutely beyond all sense of reason!""No!""Yes!""So what did you do?!""I...I left that part out of my answer to the grievance filed, sent him to a consoling counselor, and never spoke of it to anyone...until now.""You left something out of an actual filed report?!""I did...and he is still under my command to this day."You gasp sharply, sitting up on the divan from where you had been reclined in relaxation only seconds before. "Who is it?!!" Cullen chuckles and tightens his lips firmly in his grin. You laugh in response and lean in, taking his shirt by the lapels firmly into your grasp and pulling him toward you. "If he is under your command even now, that means he also is under my command and I would have you tell me."Cullen breaks the tight-lipped silence with a laugh as he senses your playfulness. "I can't!" he responds, putting both of his hands up in mischievious surrender. "If I tell you, it would break years of confidence between him and I. I have already told you too much!"You release the lapels of his shirt and smooth your hands over them to flatten them out once more. "One day, I will uncover this man's identity and will tease you relentlessly for it."Cullen smirks, his piercing gaze locked onto yours in such a way that makes your thighs quake from the connection of souls. "...is that a promise?"You smile at him, your eyes never leaving his. "...perhaps."He places a hand over one of yours as it lingers on his shirt, his eyes flicking down to stare at your lips before returning sights to your eyes, this time a fiery hunger flickering behind them.You lean in closer to him, scooting your body towards him as you nuzzle your nose gently against his. He sighs softly as you do, his breath hot on your lips as you dangle the proverbial carrot before him. But instead of leaving the enticement there and lead the horse to preferred desire, you act on your own.Closing the distance between your face and his, you press your lips to his mouth softly and he returns the tender pressure in kind. He exhales into the kiss, one hand still gripping yours and the other sliding up to cup your face. After a few more seconds, the kiss breaks and you rest your forehead to his. "Cullen," you breathe out lowly and he murmurs in response, "talking with you tonight, learning all about you and letting you learn about me in return...there aren't words for how full my heart is right now.""I feel the same," he answers, touching his thumb to your cheek. "Apologies if I seem hesitant or unsure. It has been a long time since I've wanted anyone in my life, and even longer since I allowed someone to know the real me." He pulls back a bit so that the love behind his amber eyes can sweep over your face and soak in your presence, a fact you can feel so deeply that goosebumps pepper your skin and your toes curl a bit. "But being here with you, like this--getting to talk with you, be with you, kiss you, touch you...I did not expect to find this here...or find you."You nod slightly in understanding, taking both of his hands into yours and casting your eyes down at them, marveling at the breadth and strength of his digits as they caress yours. "Nor did I," you say, unintentionally letting a bit of a darkness coat your tone. "I gave up on finding romance long ago." You can feel his hands grip yours comfortingly and you draw them up to your lips. "I never, in my life, knew what true connection, true feeling, was until you...and now..."His concerned gaze finds yours as you lift your eyes to his, knowing the tears are threatening to release. "What is it?"You sigh, feeling your chin quivering as the first tear trickles down your cheek. "I have never run from a challenge, yet I am without strength to turn from you, nor do I want to."Cullen is silent for a moment, releasing your hand to run his fingers over your exposed shoulder, down the line of your arm, and then to lay on your waist. "Then being together is for the best..." he says finally, and your eyes meet his with an electricity you have never felt before, "...because I stand as weak as you do."Instinct calls and you answer fervently, your fingers clutching hold of his cheeks and drawing him in for a fiery kiss unlike any the two of you have shared yet. This kiss is alive and breathing, and as you feel his hands grip your legs to pull them across his lap, you know what the outcome of this will be, but fuck it, you want him and by the sound of the deep moan resounding in the back of his throat, you know he wants you, too."Renne," he grumbles in between passionate kisses, his hands wrapped around your back as your arms slip around his shoulders and your lips press to his over and over."Cullen..." you groan in hoarse reply, hungry for more of him as every inch of your body ignites with passion."I...I want you..." he says, only breaking the kiss to press his lips all over your face, the heat of his mouth matching the temperature of your skin."I want you, too," you say, biting your lip as a tingle of sparks shoot throughout your nerve endings."I've never done this before..."Your hands cup his face to turn his eyes to yours, the pair of you breathing in short pants. "It has been a very long time for me, but I will guide you if you ask it of me. Just do what you feel, respond to your desires."With a heavy and heated sigh, he captures your lips within his once more, continuing the meshing of lips as his fingers begin to undo your vest and remove it. Your fingers slide beneath the hem of his shirt and lift it up and over his head, pausing the kiss as his shirt is cast aside and you finally see him sans shirt. And what a sight it is.You are panting, practically drooling as you drink in the view of his chest. His skin is taut and toned with a small patch of blond hair between his pecs. His nipples are neither too big nor too small and his biceps bear the musculature of extensive weapons training and battle-hardened flesh. Your fingers move as if possessed, lightly tracing his shoulders, collarbones, and pecs before trailing lower across his abs. He is softer to the touch than you would have imagined, but everything about him is rugged and chiseled and holy fuck...he is breathtaking."Cullen, you are beautiful," you say to break the silence, and you see him swallow hard while redness pools in his cheeks. His fingers grip the bottom of your shirt and tug it free from where it was tucked into your trousers, but you can feel him tremble in removing it. "Let me help..." You place your hands over his and help steady him as he lifts your shirt over your head and tosses it to the floor. You push your lengthy hair to your back to let it cascade behind you, leaving your torso bared for him to see. Your bottom lip sinks into your teeth from nerves--good ones--as you witness his unblinking eyes drinking you in.He mutters under his breath, "Maker..."
Cullen's POV
Maker. Oh Maker...
Your brain cannot come to grips with the sight before you. She is so marvelous, so lovely, and you feel your arousal swelling within your trousers as your gaze fixates on her alone. You have guessed a million times at the litheness of her body, of the curves in her figure, but to see one half of that without anything between you, holy hell! you cannot believe that this is for you only, that she is yours.The way the freckles dust her skin from her shoulders across her collarbones and down to her breasts...oh those breasts. They are supple, not too perky, and her nipples were made to be sucked, you think. The lines of her abdomen, the subtle dimples of her belly. This woman--your woman--is a goddess.She giggles at your silence and apparent lack of touch. "Touch me, Cullen," she says gently but firmly. "I know you want to. I can feel it in your gaze." She is correct. And you do as instructed.
Oh Maker, her skin is so soft and feathery. The way she moaned when my thumb grazed her nipple just now, the hardness of it against my callouses...the shortness of her breath, the pounding of her heart...
"Renne, you take my breath away and seize my heart within my chest," you tell her and watch as she blushes now. She rises from your lap--an absence sorely felt--and begins to remove her trousers. Quickly, you rise to your feet and do the same with your own. In a flash--literally--the two of you are bared before each other, sights filled with tender glow of seeing one another fully vulnerable, fully ready.Your eyes drink her in, the vision of her curves melting your fears away. As you note the thin patch of hair just above her lower extremities, all you feel for her was the deepest and sincerest love. "Renne, you have never looked more beautiful than you do right now."Renne blushes heavily and reaches out for your hands. When you take hers into your grasp, she backs away toward the bed, and you follow. Your gazes are locked together amid loving smiles as she lays herself gently against the softness of her mattress and you prop yourself over her, bending your arms at the elbows so that you can dip in for a kiss as your bodies shift into a more proper position.Once you are placed between her legs, the warmth of extremities flush against the other, you break the kiss and stare into her eyes. "You may still say no," you caution.Renne bends her knees and places her arms around your neck. "Don't," she whispers, and you are confused as to whether or not she means for you to pull back. "Don't stop." You nod at her words, glancing down and taking your stiff cock into your hand and guiding it towards her core. The heat radiating from her folds is enough to make your loins pulsate as you struggle to put yourself into her. Renne gasps and shake her head rapidly. "Not there. Not there."You withdraw hastily, a heated shade of red rising beneath your humiliated cheeks. "I am so sorry! I did not mean to hurt you--so sorry."Renne silences you with a kiss. "Let me help," her mewling voice says, demanding your body be joined to hers. She trails a hand down your body, the first touch of her hand to your penis. She bites her lip and grins when your breathing shudders from her gentle hand coaxing you into the proper entryway.Once she has guided you there and the invasion of your force of bodily means has been engulfed by the smoldering heat of her mysterious shade, Renne accepts your entrance into her by reflecting her pleasure with her eyes, careful to keep your gaze as you continue to press further into her territory. She winces, and your brow slants, fearful that you are hurting her too much, but she beckons you to continue with a nod of her head. "Is it truly painful?" you question, sincerely afflicted by the grievous expression on her lovely visage. "Somewhat," comes her reply heavy with breath, "but do not stop until you are entirely inside and can go no further."You oblige her request--the feeling of her tight body, walls swallowing your cock whole-- enough to send shakes along your skin, chills bursting goosebumps beneath the surface. You can push inward no further, so you stop. "That is as far as I can reach."She shifts her hips slightly, and you can feel the mass of your manhood stretch her. Taking a few deep breaths of her own and placing soft kisses against your neck and chin to reassure you that she is still with you, she settles back against her pillow. "Im ready."Your entire body is involved as you pull slowly out of her, the dampness of her walls stroking your cock in a way that you have never before experienced, let alone expected. Your gaze is cast down at where your bodies have formed together as two pieces from a puzzle, careful not to pull entirely from her. You reach the point where only your circumcized tip remained enraptured by her heat, and you slide back into her, your face once again meeting hers.Renne stops you from using your whole body in the second thrust. "Cullen," she coos, grasping your face with her hands, "try not to use your entire being in this--try using your hips only. I want your face to remain linked to mine as we do this."You grace her lips with a tender kiss as you modify your exit strategy. It takes a moment of true focus for you to move your hips in such a way that you can still prod yourself into her juncture properly based on her request. Your mind batters around your feelings--why am I treating intercourse so technically and professionally as if I am planning battlefield skirmishes? You adore Renne more than anything or anyone else, and you wish to show her that here and now.It is then that you, Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford, let yourself go. Your hips soften in their movement as you continue your thrusts, each one in time with the last. Renne's body renounces her rigidity, fully pliable to your motions and without constraint. Your figures meld together as though you were carved from the same bit of marble, etchings connected only when together as now, like pieces of broken glass at last coming together as you are meant to.Of course, only a minute or two into this newfound method of lovemaking--though, in fairness, all methods are new to you--your body shivers and releases your hot cum into her, the orgasm producing a moan from your body that leaves you both riding the ecstasy."Shit," you curse as your face meets the crook of her neck and you catch your breath. "So sorry. I tried to make it last, but it...I couldn't."Renne chuckles, dropping her legs to a flat position on the duvet. "You're forgiven," she assures you, moving your face back up to be over hers once again. "We shall try again in a minute or two."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen's POV
Your eyes open slowly, suddenly awash with the in-flooding of light and your lips release a tender sigh. Fingers instinctively rub your temples as you blink in the sight before you. You are, at last, awake from the most passionate and loving night you have ever experienced, and oh, what a night.A mess of limbs and sweat-coated flesh wrapped together, bodies colliding in the most intimate dance of all. The heat of shared moans and pure ecstasy hangs in the air above the bed where you lay beneath a blanket of fennec fur and there she is beside you. Your goddess. Your love. The embodiment of passion and your heart made home, made real.Rolling to your side gently, so gently to not wake her from a peaceful slumber such as this, your amber hues search her, drinking in the sight of her lithe, naked body sleeping so serenely. Her freckles are dancing in the light of the rising sun and the sun streaks give her copper hair a bright golden sheen. The peachy hair of her shoulders and forearms sing with a new kind of glisten and you can feel each follicle embedding into the grey matter between your ears, a map laid out inside your mind of every inch of her that you caressed with eager fingertips, every span of her skin your lips grazed, every divet in her flesh tasted with your tongue and still reeling from the taste of her. You have never before experienced what bliss feels like, but you know in the sight of her right now that this is it. This is bliss. This is love.Oh, Maker, this love...Your heart pounds as she coos lightly and reaches a lazy arm toward you to grasp you closer. You shift your body closer to her as if to remind her in your sleep that you are there by her side, that you are real, and that you are her anchor in the storm of what you face, a new definition realized against the shadow of the Anchor plaguing her left hand. You are adrift with her, floating against the crashing waves assuredly and you will never ever let her drown. Not while there is blood coursing through your veins, breath in your lungs, life in your body.Her eyelids flutter while closed so you know she is dreaming. Gods, please be dreaming of me...You reach out and lovingly tuck a curl of her mussed hair behind her ear, the points of her ears twitching from the contact. Shit."Mmm," she murmurs, her long lashes batting softly as she awakens groggily, and you cannot help but smile at her. Her eyes close again briefly as she inhales deeply. "Morning."You chuckle lowly at the gravel in her tone, knowing that you have slept just as well, though her groggy voice is decidedly cuter than yours as you respond, "Good morning."She tucks one of her arms between her head and the pillow, her icy eyes now wide and staring directly into yours as her lips stretch into a soft smile. "I can't remember the last time I slept like that," she admits.You nod gently, moving a bit closer so that you can trail your fingers over her face. "Neither can I..." you say, and she blinks as if shocked."No nightmares?"You shake your head. "None."She sighs in relief, smiling a bit wider now and you can sense she is at peace to hear that. "Cullen," she says, and your heart sings to hear her say your name so tenderly--a decided difference from the way she screamed it last night while biting into your shoulder where her teeth left little marks of remembrance."Renne," your voice responds, and she murmurs at the sound of you saying her name."I hope that last night was alright...""Oh, Renne," you say, wrapping your arms around her firmly and drawing her into your chest so that your face is mere inches from hers, "it was far better than 'alright.'" Her eyes seem to glisten with a kind of excited sheen. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known and will ever know. I..." You pause here and lay your forehead against hers to breathe her in. "...I have never felt anything like this."You know she is smiling as she wraps her arms around your neck and nuzzles her nose to yours. "...neither have I." You pull back a bit to look into her eyes as you raise one of your hands to her face so that your fingers can worshipfully trace the outline of her ear, the sensation making them turn red with your touch. "I can't believe you're real...that we are real. I did not do anything to deserve you.""Renne, don't talk like that. I'm here. I'm yours--"She silences you by placing her fingers flat against your lips, her gaze piercing yours. "Cullen..." She leans forward slightly, grazing your lips ever so gently with her own. You respond in kind, every ounce of you wanting to renounce all claims to other priorities--nothing else but her matters. She is your priority. Singular. All other duties...oh, Maker!!You gasp against her lips, shocking her eyes wide open as you glance out of the balcony doors. It is already morning and soon your soldiers will be questioning your whereabouts. Once they begin to question, it will be known exactly where you spent your night and then begins all the mindless gossip. You do not wish to suscept her to that--not yet. Only on her terms."Maker's breath--it's morning!" you mutter, and she realizes the same."Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" she sputters, flying from the bed stark naked as you do the same. You gather your clothes while she gathers your armor. "As much as I'd love to stay here with you all day," she states as she helps you into your clothes, "I can't keep you from your duties. People are already beginning to suspect us."You hurriedly button your shirt and place the pauldrons of your armor onto your shoulders as she knowingly tightens each piece for you. "Does that bother you--that people are beginning to talk of us?"She shakes her head as she holds your chest plate in place while you tighten it, and you can feel her eyes studying your face. "Not at all. I was worried it may bother you."Her words are so simple, so kind, and the reverberating sensation of her voice uttering those syllables makes your heart ache and sing at the same time. You look into her eyes deeply, and she back into yours. You reach a hand up to caress her cheek comfortingly, and she tilts her head to lean into your touch as a soft murmur escapes her lips from the contact."Renne," you say resolutely, "I don't care what the rabble have to say about us, for only you and I know the truth and the details. While I wish my--our--private affairs would remain that way, if there were nothing there for people to gossip about, I would deeply regret that."She reaches up to trace the stubble of your jawline, the wispy graze of her fingertips sending little tingles of pleasure everywhere they touch. "I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or anything."You smirk at her and she smiles at the sight. "I didn't think you were."The two of you share a long, knowing glance for several seconds longer and then you rise from the divan, pulling her up to stand with you. "Please," you plead, taking both of her hands into yours, "please tell me that this will continue tonight. I want to spend all my nights with you."Her cheeks blush a deep red as she smiles from ear to ear, releasing her hands from your grasp so she can cup your face tenderly. "I want that, too," she coos.You wrap your arms quickly around her waist and draw her in to your body for a deep kiss. She responds, her throat groaning pleasurably as yours does the same."Good answer," you mumble against her lips, evoking a giggle from her before you kiss her again and then reluctantly pull away to head down to the main hall.
~*~
Gods, I wish I was doing anything other than this right now.
Organization never has been your strongpoint, and even less so when it comes to organizing paperwork. Books of missives and battle strategies were not an issue, but this--this is torture. The realest torture you've felt since..."Ahem," you hear pointedly from the doorway to your office. You turn to see that the voice belongs to Dorian, who is standing there grinning devilishly, though nothing much is new there."Ah, Dorian," you greet before turning back to your work, "good morning.""I should say so.""Is there something I can help with?"He moves closer to your desk--you can feel the intensity of the smirk drawing nearer. "I, uh...I saw Renne."You smile at the mention of her name, an expression mostly kept to yourself as you clear your throat and straighten the stack of papers in your hand. "And is she well?" you question, trying to keep control of the situation even though it is apparent that Dorian dominates this moment."Oh, she is very well," he says coyly, and you swallow the inexplicable lump forming in your throat. "She is--how do I say this? Completely satisfied."Shit! You drop the papers onto your desk, eyes going wide as you glance up to see the smirk is even more devilish now and his brow is hooked upwards quizzically. He knows."You know, don't you?" you ask in a low volume, fingers rubbing your temples.You jump slightly when he claps his hands together brightly, startled by his utter excitement. "So you two did fuck!" he exclaims, to which you immediately shush him even though it is just the two of you in your office. "No, no, Commander. I will not contain my thrilling happiness knowing that the two of you finally--finally--crossed into the inevitable.""There is no need to be crass, Dorian," you tell him, nervously beginning to pace behind your desk. "That wasn't my intention when I originally joined her in her chambers last night.""And yet here you stand, also satisfied and no longer virginal." You blush brightly at his blunt comment--how does he know everything?! He perches proudly on the edge of your desk and you don't even try to shoo him off. It would be futile to even try. "So how was it?""Shouldn't you be asking Renne this question and not me? The two of you are so close after all.""Indeed we are, but if you have captured her heart and her body and satisfied her to completion, I would like to know how you are dealing with all of this."
'Satisfied' to 'completion'? Did I satisfy her to completion? Did I make every part of last night about me? Maker...
Your mind reels with questions, doubts, and second-guesses. This wasn't something you had thought about before. It seemed like she was fully satisfied from last night, but maybe...maybe she wasn't.Dorian's smirk falls away as if he can hear the wheels of your mind whirring. "...she did cum, yes?" You cannot answer that question because you don't know the answer, and Dorian takes your silence as resolution. "Ah. I see.""How would I know if she did or not?" you blurt before you can stop yourself from asking. "She seemed glowing and breathless and I know I came...but how do I know if she came, too?"Dorian folds his arms across his chest and sighs softly. "While it is no secret that I prefer men for sexual gratification, I have had dalliances with women enough to know that they require more stimulation for satisfaction than we men do." He pauses, thinking for a moment and you watch him, suddenly desperate for his advice. "When you climaxed and came inside her, did she also release any fluids?"You think back to that blissful moment, the sensation of your seed filling her insides flooding your senses at the memory. "I...I don't think so. I mean...she was quite wet down there, so it's difficult to say.""If you have to think about it and are unsure, it is unlikely that she came."You hang your head in your hands with shock and self-disappointment. All you ever want to do is show her how much you love her, make her feel as pleasured as possible. I failed her."Commander," Dorian says, awaking you from the thought of failure plaguing your mind, "there are many things you can do to remedy this situation, to pleasure her for her and make her see stars like she undoubtedly does to you. Don't fret about this on your first try--these things take time to learn, as well as a lot of experimentation."Your resolve hardens as you know what you must do. Your spine straightens as you look him directly in the eyes. "Tell me everything. Spare no details."