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“It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” Chloe Bourgeois griped as she and her twin sister Zoe exited their limousine while popping out an umbrella. “To have it rain on the first day of school! Unbelievable!” “Even we can’t control the weather, Chloe,” Zoe replied gently. “Daddy’s not that powerful.” “A girl can dream, can’t she? Now where the hell is Ms. Bustier’s room again?” “It’s on the second floor to the right.” Chloe nodded and the girls started walking, drawing stares from the new sixth-graders as they’d done the previous years they’d attended Francoise Dupont. Zoe couldn’t blame them; not many people could say they went to the same middle school as the daughters of the mayor of Paris, although she privately suspected that her heritage wasn’t the only reason they were staring at her. They eventually found themselves in the classroom, where their best friends, Alix Kubdel and Sabrina Raincomprix, were conversing. “Yo,” Alix said with a nod of her head, acknowledging their presence as the twins walked up the steps to the second row of benches where she and Sabrina were sitting. “Last year of middle school, girls. Gotta make it count.” “What were you thinking?” Zoe asked warily. “New seats, doi. My dad’s been ragging me on my grades and I figured sitting up closer would help. Besides, I heard our teacher’s new, she’s probably as big a pushover as old Damocles.” Alix eyed the front of the room enviously. “And I keep trying to tell her it’s not a good idea to mess with the assigned seating, especially on our first day,” Sabrina countered, visibly exasperated. “Zoe, please tell her she’s going to get herself in trouble.” “Don’t I get a say in this?” Chloe asked. “I figured you’d side with Alix on this, so I knew I wouldn’t need to ask.” “Damn right I side with her on this, I want that new teacher to acknowledge I exist. And now we’re stuck in a tie. Shit.” Chloe tapped her chin in thought. “Have you tried getting Kim on board?” “Nah, the doofus wants to stay in the back,” Alix grumbled. “Besides, I’ve got incentive too, according to the seating chart I’m gonna be sharing my bench with Mylene.” “Mylene’s not bad, Alix,” Zoe said. “Just…skittish is all.” “Yeah, but if she freaks out I do NOT wanna be within earshot.” Sabrina cleared her throat. “Anyway! Regardless of seating, I heard something pretty interesting. Supposedly we’re getting some new kids in our class!” “Wait, really?” Zoe blinked. “Really. They’ve been keeping it pretty tight-lipped, but my dad knows one of the security guards here and he told me that security’s going to increase this year because one of the new kids is like, some sorta celebrity or something. So I’m guessing we’re getting at least two new students, possibly three, and one of them’s pretty famous.” “As long as they keep their hands to themselves and their eyes off my chest I don’t care what they’re like,” Chloe grunted. “Hey, wait a minute, we don’t actually know where we’re going to be sitting, Zoe.” “Oh yeah, guess we must’ve missed the chart,” Zoe realized. “Alix, Sabrina, did either of you see it? I mean, I guess you did if you’re complaining about it, but…” “Yeah, I saw it. ‘s’in the front on the blackboard,” Alix said with a nod. “Sabrina’s in the front on the right with you two, I was trying to see if we could switch.” “These glasses aren’t for show, Alix!” Sabrina barked as she waggled a finger at Alix, a gesture which made the tomboy opposite her laugh. Chloe and Zoe rolled their eyes fondly as they made their way back down to the front of the room. Right as they’d stepped onto the floor, however, the door suddenly swung open as a frantic blur screamed “CAN’T BE LATE!” before plowing into Chloe and Zoe, knocking them down. Everyone else got out of their seats to gawk at the commotion, save for a short girl named Rose Lavillant who helped the blur off of the Bourgeois twins. “Omigosh! I’m so sorry!” the blur, one Marinette Dupain-Cheng, apologized. “Dupain-Cheng! Watch where you’re going!” Chloe growled. She put her hand to her chest and it came back sticky. “Ugh! What is this?” she cringed at the sight of the pink goop covering her palm, before looking down at her chest and frowning at the matching goop on her shirt and similar splatters on the floor. “It was supposed to be a macaron…” Marinette said sadly. “I-I’m so sorry, I was worried I was going to be late.” “You’re not late, Marinette. Actually, you’re a little bit early,” Zoe said as the twins got to their feet. “What made you think you were going to be late?” “I, uh, kinda helped an old man across the street…” The class went silent before Chloe facepalmed. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Only you could be late for something so silly as that, Dupain-Cheng.” Marinette shrank a bit as Chloe turned to face the rest of her class. “Zoe and I are going to the bathroom to clean my shirt. That floor had better be cleaned up before we get back, I do not want to get macaron on my new sandals.” “And we don’t want the teacher getting macaron on her sandals either,” Zoe added. “Although she might be wearing something else given the weather…” “I have some paper towels,” Nino Lahiffe, ever the helpful one, piped up from the back of the crowd. “Good,” Chloe said, relaxing a bit. The twins put their bags on their bench, then left the room to clean up.“I can’t believe that girl!” Chloe fumed as the twins washed their hands. “Doesn’t she know she shouldn’t run in the halls for this very reason?! She’s fourteen for cripe’s sake!” “Kim does it too, and you don’t yell at him,” Zoe observed. “That's because Kim’s an idiot. Dupain-Cheng’s smart, she ought to know better by now.” Chloe looked at herself in the mirror. “Well, it isn’t perfect, but it’ll do. Let’s go back before the bell rings.” Zoe nodded and the twins left the bathroom, nearly colliding with someone else who’d been wandering a bit too close to the bathroom doors. “Hey! What’s the big– ADRIKINS?!” “Surprise!” Adrien Agreste laughed as he waved to the girls. “I finally convinced Father to send me to school! Now we can be classmates together!” Chloe laughed. “Oh, I’m glad it’s you, Adrien! Of all the famous people Sabrina said I could be sharing my class with, I’m glad it’s you.” “That goes for me too,” Zoe said as she shook Adrien’s hand. “It’s been what, five years?” “Seven. Seven long, agonizing years,” Adrien complained. “I get why they did it when I was little, keeping me out of the spotlight and away from the creeps. But I’m a big boy now! I can take care of myself.” “You’re allergic to feathers,” Chloe observed. “And how many people just have feathers on hand?” Adrien countered smugly. “So, what’s our class like?” “Well, let’s see. Alix and Sabrina you know, and you might know Le Chien Kim,” Zoe counted. “The big Asian guy who’s always daring Alix to do weird stuff? Yeah, we’ve met.” “We’ve also got Max, he’s the biggest tech wiz you’ll ever see, and Nino and Rose are sweeties, and Mylene does activist stuff when she’s confident enough…” “What about her?” Adrien asked, pointing to a dark-skinned girl with reddish-brown hair and big glasses approaching the room from the stairs. “Her we don’t know, but she might be the other new kid.” Zoe smiled and waved at the girl. “Hello there! I’m Zoe! This is Chloe, and that’s Adrien. Are you in Ms. Bustier’s class?” “I might be,” the new girl said with a wry smile. “Alya Cesaire, sleuth extraordinaire.” “Cesaire?” Chloe said, recognizing her surname. “Your mom wouldn’t happen to be a chef at the Grand Paris Hotel, right?” “She might be,” Alya said with an even wryer smile. “I take it you’re the Bourgeois twins?” “Who else could we be?” Chloe snarked. “Whatever, let’s go inside before the teacher marks us late.” “I don’t want to be late on my first day,” Adrien said with a pained expression. “That sounds like bad luck for the whole year!” “Don’t be silly, Adrikins,” Chloe said as the quartet entered their classroom. “There’s no such thing as luck.”Perhaps Chloe had been wrong regarding the existence of luck, for Ms. Bustier didn’t show up until a few seconds before the final bell starting the day. This, thankfully, left the class with ample time to clean up Marinette’s mess and dispose of the evidence. Marinette apologized again for ruining what was supposed to have been a first-day-of-school-warming gift to her classmates, and again to the twins for possibly hurting them. “Don’t worry, Marinette, the only thing hurt was our pride,” Zoe said kindly. “Speak for yourself, my tailbone’s still sore,” Chloe grumbled. Zoe poked her in the ribs and Chloe wisely shut up. Ms. Bustier arrived right as Marinette sat next to Alya in the second row. “Hello students,” she greeted the class. “My name is Ms. Caline Bustier, my pronouns are she and her, and–” She frowned. “Girls, I know you want to be next to your friends, but I’m afraid that one of you will have to leave and find a different seat.”
The other students looked at each other in shock, not expecting such a brazen reaction, but Chloe simply glared daggers at her new teacher. “Ms. Bustier, with all due respect, we can’t.” “Why not?” Ms. Bustier asked. “Because it’ll disrupt your socializing?” “Oh great, we’re going to have to do the bit,” Zoe sighed as she prepared to stand up. “No, because WE ONLY HAVE ONE-AND-A-HALF ASSES!” Chloe yelled as she stood up with Zoe. It was only then that Ms. Bustier realized the error of her judgement, for what she’d thought was two girls, one sitting behind the other, was something else entirely. On the right side was Chloe, who wore her light blonde hair in a ponytail, and on the left was Zoe, who wore her hair in a bob with pink bangs. Below their necks were two arms on Chloe’s side, her left arm angled a bit oddly, and only a left arm on Zoe’s side, with Zoe’s breasts being noticeably asymmetrical with the left breast considerably larger than the right. Their shared abdomen narrowed into a stocky pelvis that terminated in three legs, one right leg on Chloe’s side and a right and a left leg on Zoe’s side, all adorned with a trio of expensive-looking sandals, although their black-and-white-striped t-shirt with three sleeves and two collars & their three-legged white capris were no doubt just as pricey. There were no bones about it; Chloe and Zoe were conjoined twins, and literally couldn’t sit separately. Ms. Bustier blinked, looked at her roster sheet, then blinked again. “Oh, you’re the Bourgeois twins…right, you’re in my class this year…I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognize you. Please forgive me.” For the second time that day, Chloe facepalmed. This was going to be one of those years, wasn’t it? The twins sat back down and Zoe squeezed her sister’s left hand consolingly. Lunch couldn’t come fast enough.“Caline Bustier,” Chloe growled as she shoved a piece of sushi into her mouth. “What kind of a name is Bustier? It sounds like that twit from those old movies Daddy likes to watch.” “Mind our blood pressure, Chlo,” Zoe replied as she tore into her sandwich, one-handed as always. “But I’m kinda peeved too, honestly. I can’t believe she didn’t recognize us! It’s not like there are any other two-headed girls in Paris.” Sensing someone staring, Chloe looked up and scowled at Alya, who’d decided to sit across from them while they weren’t looking. “Freakshow’s closed, Cesaire,” she grunted. “No, it’s not that. I’m just surprised to see you with two different meals is all,” Alya said. “I mean, not to pry or anything, but wouldn’t double portions be bad for you?” “We’re eating for two here, Alya,” Zoe reminded her. “We need to eat thirty-five hundred calories a day or else we’ll be starving and cranky. Well, crankier than Chloe usually is. And it’s not necessarily bad for us to have two different lunches, we have two separate intestines, and thank goodness for that given how much fish Chloe eats, I do not want to suffer her fish-burps.” “See what I have to deal with? A twin sister with no taste in food,” Chloe snarked. Zoe stuck her tongue out at her. “I can relate, I have twin sisters myself. They can be pretty single-minded except when it comes to dinner,” Alya chuckled. “So…okay, stupid question, feel free to be mad at me if I say it: why does Chloe have such a big stick up her ass?” “Blame dear old Mom for that one,” Chloe grumbled as she took a gulp of her water. “Have you ever heard of Audrey Lee?” “That really uptight fashion designer in New York? Yeah, I’ve heard the stuff she’s said about Asian men,” Alya said with a dark expression before it hit her. “Wait, she’s your mom?!” “Yeah,” Zoe said bitterly. “When we found out we couldn’t be separated Mom divorced Daddy and left for America, said she couldn’t stand being around such a freak of a daughter. We were four.” “But she has two daughters,” the redhead questioned. “Tell that to her,” Chloe grumbled. There was an awkward, somber silence that was broken by a loud bellow in the distance. “What was that?” Zoe asked, hair on end. “It sounded like…someone was speaking,” Alya said, confused. “Can’t tell what, though…it ends with an ‘m’ for sure, though.” The wall to the cafeteria suddenly exploded in a shower of rubble, and a man made of rock loomed over the students. “KIMMMM!” he bellowed. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Chloe screamed. “RUN!” Zoe, having more self-preservation, screamed back as she pivoted them out of their seat. Since Zoe had full control over their second right leg she was able to drag Chloe away from things if she ever needed to, and now was definitely one such time. Chloe snapped out of it and started using her leg too, the girls running with a single stomp of Zoe’s left leg followed by a double-stomp of their right legs. Unfortunately, due to their tripodal configuration the Bourgeois twins were still slower than two separate people were, and found themselves cornered by the rock man against the cafeteria wall. “KIMMM!” the rock man bellowed. “Zoe, I never got to say this before, but I love you too much to get rid of your other leg to make us faster!” Chloe shrieked. “Chloe, I used your toothbrush last night by accident!” Zoe wailed. “Zoe, I was there.” “Oh yeah.” Zoe realized something. “Hey, wait a minute, this guy’s saying ‘Kim’...and I think I know his voice, too.” “KIMMM!” the rock man demanded again. “So do I,” Chloe said, and then she facepalmed for the third time that day, only this time she used her left arm. “Fuck me sideways, it’s Ivan Bruel from class. Kim must’ve pissed him off.” “That…does unfortunately sound like something Kim would do,” Zoe winced. “But since when could Ivan turn into a rock monster?” “Hawk Moth did this!” the rock man – their classmate Ivan Bruel – said, resuming his normal eruditeness. “Hawk moth? Like one of those bugs that eats tomato plants?” Chloe asked in disbelief. “That’s only as caterpillars, Chloe. The adults drink nectar,” Zoe corrected. “But I think Ivan means Hawk Moth is the name of a person.” “She’s right! Hawk Moth gave me this power so I can show Kim I’m not a wuss!” Ivan said. “All I need to do in return is give him the ‘Miraculous’, whatever those are.” A moth-shaped purple visor appeared over his eyes. “Quit giving the enemy the plans, Stoneheart!” someone – a grown man by the sound of it – scolded Ivan through the visor. “Just get me the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous!” “Let me find Kim first!” Ivan retorted before he stood up and smashed through the other wall. “There goes our lunch,” Chloe grimaced as she took in the state of the cafeteria, drywall dust covering everything. “There goes our school,” Zoe gulped before she spotted something else. “And there goes Alya…running after the giant monster.” She side-eyed her sister, trying to look at her head-on as best she could with how limited her neck movement was. “We need to go after her.” “No we don’t! You saw what he could do, no way am I getting involved in that!” Chloe said. “Leave it to the real heroes,” she added bitterly. Zoe sighed. “Rock-paper-scissors?” she offered as she lifted her hand. Chloe nodded, lifted her left hand, and they played their traditional game, the same game they’d used to decide what to wear, what to watch on TV, and what shoes to buy (their shirts and pants had to be made custom for obvious reasons) ever since they were toddlers. Due to Chloe’s half-hearted mood Zoe won easily, but something made her suspect Chloe had thrown the match deliberately, wanting to be a hero like the men and women in their Quantic Comics books, one of the few interests they genuinely had in common. After all, when you share your peripheral nervous system with someone else you can sort of tell how they’re going to move before they actually do it.Alya Cesaire was having the time of her life. Not only had the rain finally cleared up, and not only was there a real-life supervillain out there (which would’ve been even cooler if he wasn’t also one of her new classmates), but now there were actual superheroes fighting him! She had her phone out filming away, the amount of memory that filming the fight would eat up be damned; she could transfer the video out later. “Alya!” Alya turned around, phone and all, to see the Bourgeois twins race her way, their pace slowing to a sort of hop like a man with crutches. “Alya, what are you doing?! It’s not safe here!” Zoe pleaded. “Especially since Ivan seems to have gotten a lot taller since he left the cafeteria!” “It’s safe now! Check it out, we’ve got superheroes!” Alya said, turning around to face the fight. “See?” The twins looked up and gaped. There, flitting above Ivan, was a girl in a ladybug costume with bright blue hair, beetle-like wings keeping her out of reach while four nimble hands taunted him with…were those yo-yos? “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe whispered. “This is the most awesome thing I have ever seen.” “I know, right?” Zoe whispered back. “Afternoon, miladies,” came a voice, and the twins looked down to see someone new on the scene. Approaching them was a girl with shaggy blonde hair & green cat’s eyes in a black leather catsuit, complete with ears and tail…okay, wow, Chloe needed to give this poor girl some fashion advice. “I’ll be needing you to step back.” “How come, Chat Noire?” Alya asked. “We need to take old Stoneheart down a peg,” the superhero – Chat Noire – explained. “Thing is, though, we can’t hit him, he just gets bigger. But accidental hits, see, they don’t count.” The other girls understood. “We’ll be getting out of your way, Chat,” Alya said. They took some steps back and watched Chat work. While Ivan tried to grab the toys from the ladybug’s hands, Chat took out a long metal pole and pressed a button. It suddenly extended in length until it was as wide as the street, which soon found itself with the pole – the baton, really – resting on it. When Ivan stepped on it he slipped and fell on his back, and then he lay there motionlessly. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” The twins gasped as the ladybug superhero joined them, finally getting a good look at her. Her “wings” were really a backpack of sorts fused to the back of her costume, and the lower pair of arms looked somewhat artificial as well. The girl’s vibrant, denim-blue hair was tied up in a bun with an antenna headband in front, and she wore a pair of goggles with a sort of dimpled effect like compound eyes. “Ladybug reporting to Paris, we have defeated Stoneheart. Unfortunately we don’t know of a way to turn him back to normal.” “Wait a minute…ladybug? Black cat?” Zoe realized. Ladybug and Chat Noire turned her way and she gulped. “W-well, I, uh–” “What my sister means to say is Bruel told us he’s after your ‘Miraculous’,” Chloe interrupted. “I’m guessing she means your magic powerup items. The one who turned Bruel into that monster is named Hawk Moth, and he’s after them for nefarious goals.” “Crudmonkeys,” Chat muttered. “So what do we do?” “Well, if you get powers from your Miraculous…what if Hawk Moth can make anti-Miraculous?” Zoe piped up. “And I think I might know where he’s keeping it,” Alya added. “Did you notice his right hand never opened once during your fight? That must be where his anti-Miraculous is!” Ladybug and Chat exchanged a glance, then nodded. “Thanks for the help, this is our first day at this,” Ladybug admitted. “Okay, let’s see…Lucky Charm!” In the middle of her hands a giant stick with a pom-pom on the end of it materialized. “Hm…ooh!” She walked over to where the dazed Ivan was lying and tickled his hand. “Kitchy-kitchy-coo, Mr. Stoneheart!” Ivan started laughing, in the process opening his hand involuntarily. Ladybug seized the opportunity to snatch something from Ivan’s hand before racing back to the group. “Got it!” she said. “Hmmm, looks like a poem of some sort,” Chat mused. “Alright, now it’s my turn. Hand it over please, milady.” Ladybug complied and Chat held the paper in one hand. “Cataclysm!” The paper immediately turned to ash, prompting the twins to share an uneasy wince. If Chat’s power ever ended up in the wrong hands, a person could’ve disintegrated like that paper. Then, of all things, an actual hawk moth, fat with triangular wings and covered in an unnatural obsidian ooze, flew out of the ash. Chat retrieved her staff and pressed a button on it, causing it to unfold into a giant X that glowed brightly, searing off the ooze. The uncorrupted African death’s-head hawk moth, its gray and yellow colors now visible once again, flapped away in the wind. The rocks surrounding Ivan crumbled away, turning him back into himself. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said as she tossed her stick into the air, where it turned into a swarm of glowing ladybugs that swarmed around the city before disappearing, the destroyed letter reforming in a burst of light and dust. “Excuse me, Mr. Bruel, are you alright?” she asked. Ivan groaned as he staggered upright. “What…what happened? Where am I?” “So Hawk Moth’s victims don’t remember their time transformed,” Alya mused. “Interesting…” “You wanted to kill Kim for some reason,” Chloe said. “What did he do this time?” Ivan slumped, ashamed. “He, uh, well…I like this girl, and, um, he found the poem I was gonna use to confess to her with. He told me it was dorky. I got upset because I thought that meant my poem wouldn’t work, and then there was this…pricking on the back of my neck. And I don’t remember what happened next until I woke up here on my back.” “Is this your poem?” Chat asked, picking up the paper and handing it to him. “Yes, that’s mine. I’m so sorry if I caused any trouble,” Ivan apologized. “I shouldn’t have let Kim get to me.” “It wasn’t your fault, Mr. Bruel,” Ladybug reassured him. “Hawk Moth did this to you, he’s the one who should be apologizing.” “We’ll talk to Kim about why he should be more careful about what he says,” Zoe promised him. “For now, though, I say you go for it. Trying doesn’t hurt anybody unless you go too far, and you don’t strike me as someone who would.” “Thanks, Zoe,” Ivan smiled. “And thank you for saving me, Ladybug and Chat Noire.” “Thank us later,” Chat gulped as she heard something beep. “We’re about to detransform, can’t let Hawk Moth know who we are.” And just as quickly as they’d arrived, they were gone.“So much for getting out of school early,” Chloe said when they saw that the cafeteria had been fixed by Ladybug’s magic beetles. “But hey, at least Ladybug fixed our lunches too,” Zoe said, relieved to see that their lunches had been cleaned of dust. “Well, that is just ridiculous,” Chloe said as they sat down. “Utterly ridiculous. Like all of today has been.” She exhaled. “But at least I got to see two superheroes…suck on that, Mom, we have superheroes and you don’t.” “Hear, hear!” As they finished their lunch, they looked up to see Ivan approach Mylene Harprele, the girl who was skittish about damn near everything except environmental justice. Ivan took out his poem and gently read it to her; they couldn’t hear it, but they heard Mylene’s enthusiastic “YES!” and they certainly saw her fling herself at him much to his surprise. “Awww,” Zoe cooed. “You know, Chloe, maybe this year won’t be so bad. Maybe this is the year when people finally stop treating us like freaks.” “I’ll believe it when I see it,” Chloe replied. “Still, though,” she added as she saw Adrien congratulate Ivan and Mylene, “at least I’m spending it with people I love.” “Awww, I love you too sis.” “I was talking about Adrien.” Zoe spluttered and Chloe laughed at her twin’s indignant expression. Even with a shared nervous system there were times when Chloe could get one over her sister. But as Chloe’s gaze wandered over the cafeteria and she saw Alya, a girl who truly didn’t see the twins as abominations, get bombarded with questions by a worried Marinette and Nino, she started to wonder if Zoe might’ve been onto something. After all, if their beloved superheroes could exist, maybe their lives really were turning around for the better.
Or maybe that was just the residual adrenaline talking, because all that running was awful on their knees.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Ugggh, I’m so bored,” Chloe whined as she chucked her pencil at her notes. She made to flop back onto their bed, but then remembered that Zoe didn’t like being yanked backwards by surprise. “How about you?” “Gotta say it Chlo, I’m pooped,” Zoe said. “We’ve got all our homework done a day early, which isn’t normal for us.” “And what’s that supposed to mean?” “It means that Ms. Bustier’s assignments aren’t as tough relative to our brains as they oughta be.” “You might be onto something, last year I distinctly remember getting ten questions for each lesson in our history textbooks instead of six. Flop?” “Flop.” They flopped backwards onto their bed, which creaked under their 200-pound weight, the springs reinforced and the mattress queen-sized because they were simply too wide to fit comfortably on a twin-sized mattress. “Wanna watch some TV?” “At this point I’m bored enough to watch the weather.” Chloe reached behind them with her left arm, grabbed the remote, and turned on their TV, which had been tuned to the channel KIDZ+. “Speak of the devil…” “Welcome to the finals of our KIDZ+ competition!” Alec Cataldi said to the camera. “When today, one lucky winner will be announced as our brand new KIDZ+ weather girl! We started off with 5000 contestants. But with the help of our audience at home, we whittled our talent down to just these two amazing young ladies! So, let's welcome our fantastic finalists! To my right, Aurore Beaureal, and on my left, Mireille Caquet! Who will be the lucky winner? Vote now! Text 1 for Aurore and 2 for Mireille. And remember, standard text messaging rates apply.” A blonde-haired girl with long pigtails giggled at the camera, as did a Chinese girl with short hair in a bob. “Hey, aren’t those two in Ms. Mendeleiev’s class?” Zoe asked. “Well that’s not fair,” Chloe scoffed. “Our school’s been in the news enough because of Adrien joining, and, well, because we go there. Let some other school have a chance to be on the news, damnit!” “You’re just mad because you hate Alec Cataldi,” her twin giggled. “I have every right to! He’s a jerk! And not in a sexy way like I am. So, who do you wanna vote for?” “How about we give one vote to each girl? It’d be a lot fairer that way,” Zoe suggested. They played rock-paper-scissors and Zoe voted for Mireille while Chloe voted for Aurore. They waited through the commercials to see the show return. “This is the moment we've been waiting for! The viewers at home have made their decision, and the new KIDZ+ weather girl is...Mireille!” Alec announced. Aurore gasped while the crowd cheered. “Well, there’s always next year,” Zoe observed. “And what are the odds she’d get this far next year?” Chloe countered. “True.” “Man, she crushed you, eh? Better luck next time!” Alec said to Aurore. “But hey, what's the big deal? You only lost by half a million votes!” Aurore’s eyes widened at the revelation of just how many people didn’t like her and she burst into tears before running away. Mireille looked uncomfortable at this exchange. “Dang,” Zoe said. “Now I know why you think he’s a jerk.” “THANK YOU! My little sister has finally validated me!” “I didn’t validate crap!” They giggled. “C’mon, let’s see if there’s something else worth watching.” Chloe handed her sister the remote and watched as the channels changed.A few minutes later there came a buzz. “Whose phone is that?” Zoe asked as they sat up, the TV forgotten. “I think that’s mine,” Chloe said as she picked her phone up from her nightstand on the left side of the bed. Another buzz and Zoe retrieved her phone from her nightstand on the right, which was covered in paint splatters for the aesthetic.
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Alya
GUYZZZZZ
HALP ME
HAWK MOTHS AT IT AGAIN
Nino
O SHIT
WHERE ARE U
Alya
were at that park w the carousel thingy
some purple girl with weather powers showed up destroyin shit
AND THEN SHE FROZE ME N MANON IN A GIANT IGLOO THING
Nathaniel
whose manon?
Alya
shes the kid of that news lady. marinette babysits her sometimes since charmak doesnt trust anyone else for some reason
ANYWAY
the purple girl missed marinette so shes fine
she said shes gonna get ladybug n chat noire since she thinks this might be another of hawk moths villains
Alix
whomst’ve?
oh
oh those girls chloe was crushing on who saved ivan. got it
Chloe
I AM NOT CRUSHING ON THEM!
I AM FANGIRLING THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!
AND YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU SAW THEM IN ACTION THEY ARE AWESOME.
Alya
shes right they r very awesome
BUT ANYWAY HALP ME ITS COLD IN HERE
and manon is panicking bc shes so smol
SO HALP
Kim
id get a flamethrower but im still grounded for causing ivan to get turned into a rock thing
srry bt that again ivan
Ivan
Thanks, Kim.
But I don’t think a flamethrower would work anyway.
Max
Ivan is right, the specific heat of water is extremely high. Melting an ice dome large enough to trap a person and a considerable amount of breathable air would take hours.
We need axes and picks and the like.
Zoe
Alya could just, y’know, call the fire department.
Alya
already tried that. they didnt believe me, thought i was prankin them
Zoe
Well, I’m out of ideas. How about you, sis?
Chloe sighed. “I’m going to regret this.”
Chloe
The hotel has a pair of fire axes in the basement. Zoe and I will take one, someone else who is strong should get the other.
Ivan
I could swing by. Pun not intended.
Chloe
Lovely.
We’ll take the axes to the park and try to break the ice. Cesaire, keep Manon close to your body to conserve warmth.
Alya
already doin that
Kim
wait
if theres heroes shouldnt they be doin the saving?
Zoe
Ladybug and Chat Noire’s powers can only be used once. After that their magic wears off and they turn back into normal people, and I have no idea how much time they need to recharge. They need to focus on freeing that girl from Hawk Moth’s possession before she freezes someone else.
Kim
got it
“Welp, looks like we’re playing heroes again,” Zoe said as the girls pocketed their phones and stood up. “Yeah, but you know what this means, don’t you?” Chloe asked. “What?” “We’ll have to wear a coat and winter boots. In September.” Zoe’s eyes widened. “And we have three legs that we’re not very fast with, and it’s going to be icy…” They let out a pained whine.“Keep up, Ivan,” Chloe, having draped herself and Zoe in an oversized fluffy brown coat, said as they made their way to the park in question. “I’m trying to match your pace, Chloe,” Ivan said, the axes in his hands glinting in the unnatural “winter” light. “I don’t mean to be rude, but you two are the slowest in the class. Physically! I meant physically!” he yelped at her death glare. “Yeah, well, I invite you to try walking with only one leg while glued to someone else’s pelvis,” Chloe shot back before turning to face forward, only to get a flurry of snow in her face. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! No one north of Ecuador should have to wear a coat and winter boots in September!” “So you were paying attention in sixth-grade geography,” Zoe observed. “I know things! Why can’t I know things?! Anyway, we’re here.” Chloe stopped walking and whistled at the sight of the ice dome, which stood ten feet tall and thirty feet around. “Sheesh, that looks pretty nasty. Gimme an axe, Bruel, we’re going in.” Ivan handed the girls an axe, which Chloe took with her left hand, then gave a swing of his own into the ice and felt the vibrations in his arm. “It’s about ten centimeters thick tops, should be easy to at least make an air hole,” he observed. “Air is our top priority right now, so the hole doesn’t need to be big.” “Joy. Ready, Zoe?” “Ready, Chloe.” Chloe rotated the axe in her left hand and grabbed the bottom of the handle with her right, then Zoe put her hand on the handle between Chloe’s hands. With a massive swing they hit the ice, spraying chips everywhere and making a much deeper cut than Ivan had made. Ivan whistled. “Not bad.” “Perks of having 50% more muscle mass than one girl alone,” Zoe said proudly before standing back to let Ivan take a swing perpendicular to their cut. Working together they were able to make a hole in the ice big enough for their faces. “Alya? Manon?” Zoe asked, sticking her face inside the hole. “Where are you?” “Up here!” Zoe looked up and saw Alya and Manon on one of the carousel ponies. Poorly, since it was dark in there save for the light of Alya’s phone. “I figured it would be warmer the higher we got above the ground since cold air sinks,” Alya explained, the little girl in her lap trembling from fear and chill. “We’ve made an air hole! Don’t move until we can make it big enough to walk through!” Ivan called from outside. More hacking and slashing, and the ice went tumbling down. “Okay, you can come out now!” “Alright, munchkin, let’s get cracking,” Alya said as she led Manon off the carousel and out of the dome, making sure the little girl didn’t touch the axes now lying on the ground. “Thanks a bunch, guys. I owe you one.” “We need no payment but the knowledge of our good deeds being received well!” Zoe proclaimed as she raised her fist in a superhero pose. “I take gift cards,” Chloe snarked, shattering Zoe’s pose. “What were you even doing here anyway, Cesaire? I thought the kid was Dupain-Cheng’s.” “Marinette took Manon here to give her some time to run around, and I came here on my own hoping to get some space to work on my new blog.” Alya showed the twins and Ivan a webpage on her phone. “The Ladyblog! For all things Miraculous excepting secret identities! You’ve already got ten thousand views, girls!” “On the one hand, gross, people staring. On the other hand, eternal fame. I choose fame.” “And I literally have no other hand, so I guess I have to choose eternal fame too,” Zoe joked. Manon looked up at the blondes, still trembling a little. “Awww, don’t worry sweetie, I don’t bite! Chloe might, though.” “I do not!” Chloe snapped. “Y-you have two heads,” Manon said, pointing at the twins. “I thought that only happened in fairytales.” “Actually, we don’t have two heads. We’re conjoined twins, we’re two people stuck together. Do you know what twins are, Manon?” “Twins are people who look exactly alike. Well, they are on TV,” Manon amended. “Actually, no, although some twins can look exactly alike. Twins are two brothers and/or sisters who are born at the same time to the same mommy, and they can happen two different ways. Most twins happen when the mommy releases two egg cells at the same time before the daddy turns them into babies, that’s called fraternal twins. They can be two boys, two girls, or a boy and a girl, and they can look a lot alike or pretty different, just like most brothers and sisters. The other kind of twins are identical twins like we are, and they’re a lot rarer. Do you know what ‘identical’ means?” “Uh…izzit mean the same?” “You’re right! You’re so smart!” Manon beamed. “Identical twins happen when the mommy releases one egg and the daddy makes it so it can turn into a baby, but then it splits for some reason and becomes two babies. Identical twins are always two boys or two girls, and they always look almost alike. See how Chloe and I have the same hair color and the same eyes?” “We’re not totally identical though, Zoe’s cheeks are fatter and I’m a little taller,” Chloe added. “That’s because of how our surroundings and the things we eat affect our bodies.” “So why are you…uh…conjoined?” Manon asked. “We started as one baby trying to become two babies, but our egg wasn’t able to split all the way through and we grew up as two people stuck together,” Zoe said. “We actually know that our egg was trying to split at the top and bottom at the same time because Chloe has our right arm and middle arm while I have our left leg and middle leg.” Zoe wiggled her boot-clad right leg for emphasis, thankfully able to balance with their outer legs, a gesture which made Manon giggle. “Chloe can’t really move our middle leg very well, and I can hardly move our middle arm at all. We have to take turns with almost everything except eating and drinking and stuff.” “And we always need to use the handicapped bathrooms since no other stall is wide enough to fit us,” Chloe grumbled. “So why not get unstuck?” Manon asked innocently. The twins exchanged a look before answering. “We’ve thought about that, and all the doctors say that it’s not a good idea. We share our middle lung and kidney, and those can’t be separated very easily if at all. Plus, Chloe’s spleen is a bit smushed by my liver, so her immune system would be pretty weak if we got separated,” Zoe explained. “Either way, we’d have to live our lives sick as a dog if we ever got separated, and neither of us wants that.” “Oh.” Manon then pointed to Ivan. “And who’s he?” “I’m a troll from the mountains of Kildette,” Ivan said, feeling a bit playful. “No way!” Manon gasped. “Do you turn into stone during the day?” He laughed uncomfortably while scratching the back of his head. “Funny you should mention that…” Suddenly, as if on cue the Sun suddenly shone again while little red beetles flew around the world, melting all the ice and restoring the last month of summer to its proper verdant state. “Oh hey, Ladybug and Chat Noire are done.” “Aw, man! I didn’t even get a photo!” Alya grumbled. “Now I’m gonna have to credit the news for my media!” “Be grateful you’re even alive, Cesaire,” Chloe said sternly. “I am, I am,” the redhead said with a dismissive wave of her hand. Rapid footsteps filled the air and everyone turned to see Marinette running towards them. “Marinette!” “Alya! You’re okay!” Marinette then dropped on her knees and prostrated herself in front of Manon. “I’m so sorry, Manon! I left you in the ice and now your mom’s gonna hate me and I’m gonna be yelled at on the news every day for the rest of my life!” “I’m okay, Marinette! You didn’t mean it,” Manon said sweetly. “How did that happen, anyway?” Zoe asked curiously as Marinette stood up. Marinette blushed. “W-well, I, uh…that is to say…” “She tripped on a blade of grass while trying to run away from the purple girl and the ice beam managed to miss her completely,” Alya chuckled. “How did you even trip on a single blade of grass?!” Chloe cried incredulously. “My luck is bad,” Marinette sighed. “Thanks for getting Alya out you two.” “Two?!” the blonde asked angrily. “Yeah, what–” Marinette turned around and jumped. “Oh, Ivan! I didn’t know you were here too!” Chloe relaxed when she realized that Marinette had been talking about Ivan, not her or Zoe. “It was in the groupchat, Marinette,” Ivan said, confused. “My phone’s dead,” Marinette said sheepishly, retrieving her phone and showing them that it was indeed out of battery. “So who was that ‘purple girl’ anyway?” Zoe asked. Marinette sighed after pocketing her phone. “It was Aurore. After she got humiliated for losing the weather girl contest Hawk Moth got her. Her villain form was called ‘Stormy Weather’, and like the name says she could manipulate the weather. She loved ice the most, but I saw Chat Noire get blown into a wall by gale-force winds and she nearly hit Ladybug with lightning.” “Ouch,” Ivan winced. “How’s Aurore?” “She’s feeling better. Mireille decided to quit the show, she said she couldn’t stand to see her best friend be treated that way. Alec’s in a lot of trouble now, kid’s show hosts shouldn’t talk like that. They set a bad example.” “Who are Ladybug and Chat Noire?” Manon wanted to know. “Oh, they’re superheroes, Manon. Real, living superheroes. If you’re good I’ll let you go to the Ladyblog on the internet and you can see them in action. Chloe and Zoe were there too, they helped a lot.” “Say…we did help the heroes,” Zoe remembered. “Without us helping them that little moth would’ve still been around to cause trouble. Who knows what else it could’ve done. Turning other people into the same villain? Cloning itself like a bajillion times?” “Apparently those moths are called ‘akumas’, which is cultural appropriation if I’ve ever heard it,” Marinette said dryly. “And I’m not even Japanese. Oh, and girls, Ivan?” “Yeah?” the three chorused. “Thanks,” she smiled. “Now put those axes back before you get in trouble with someone.” The boy and twins paled and scrambled to hide the axes while Marinette led Manon out of the park and Alya went back to her work.“Dark wings, fall.” Gabriel Agreste, Adrien’s father and the secret identity of Hawk Moth, grimaced as he detransformed, a little purple humanoid creature with moth wings, antennae, abdomen, and proboscis emerging from the brooch on his neck. “This isn’t going like I thought it would,” he muttered. “What’s wrong, master?” the little creature, the Kwami powering the Hawk Moth Miraculous, asked. “Nooroo, do you think Ladybug and Chat Noire are getting help?” Gabriel asked suddenly. “I’m sure their Kwamis told them everything they needed to know, master. I mean, I did it for you, didn’t I?” “You didn’t tell me everything, Nooroo.” The little god flinched. “But that is not your fault. The knowledge of the full extent of your powers has been kept from you by man.” Nooroo relaxed. “No, I meant help from a person. Those two heroines are very young, they don’t look a day older than my son. Yet in only one week of activity they’re able to go toe-to-toe with an atmokinetic villain capable of summoning the strongest winds on Earth and electricity powerful enough to melt sand into glass. Doesn’t that seem strange to you?” “I will admit, that is an unusually short time to master one’s abilities,” Nooroo confirmed. “Most Miraculous users take months to acclimate to their powers, even if we tell them all the deepest details of their abilities. You yourself took nearly a year.” He tapped his chin in thought. “Perhaps they are prodigies. Yes, prodigies make the most sense. They adjusted to their powers well and they respect their Kwamis as much as they respect themselves, so they acclimated to their powers rapidly.” “Are you saying I don’t respect myself?” Gabriel asked. Nooroo meeped in fright. “N-no, master, I–” “It’s alright, Nooroo. How can I respect myself? I let the love of my life get knocked into a magical coma instead of pursuing a normal fertility treatment in the name of my own pride. Nooroo, you are dismissed for the day.” Gabriel removed the brooch and put it inside a glass box covered in strange, magical-looking lines that formed a glowing halo around the box after the lid was closed. Nooroo flitted off to the side of the room where a pot of hibiscus tea was left out for him on a small table, and stuck his proboscis into it. Gabriel sighed at the sight before leaving the atelier. The trip out of the atelier took him down into his mansion’s basement, where a large underground garden was located. Rows upon rows of tomato, potato, and jasmine crops filled the plots along with a few rows of sunflowers and bee balm and a few beehives. European honeybees buzzed around the room, their colonies occasionally invaded by the death’s-head hawk moths that Gabriel turned into akumas while their caterpillars chewed away at the tomato and potato plants. Any kind of moth, including butterflies, could become an akuma, but Gabriel decided that it was only appropriate for the Hawk Moth Miraculous to use actual hawk moths, and what hawk moth was more appropriate for his goals than the one named for the Fate of Death herself? Gabriel stopped in front of a strange pod. Inside of it a blonde woman who looked a lot like Adrien slept motionlessly, more mannequin than mortal. “Hello, Emilie,” Gabriel said, tracing the glass of the pod fondly. “Adrien’s doing well at school, he’s made friends with almost everyone in his class within the week. Quite a social butterfly.” He chuckled at the accidental pun. “He’s in the same class as the Bourgeois twins, in fact; you remember them? You practically took them in after that woman abandoned them.” Gabriel did not consider himself a perfect father. The grief from Emilie’s coma had rendered him distant from his own son, and these days it felt like he hardly even knew him anymore. He knew that Adrien needed to spend more time outside of modeling, outside of an endless barrage of education, outside of home, but Gabriel was afraid of losing him just like he’d lost Emilie. How was he supposed to have known that the Peafowl Miraculous was broken?! The damned bird herself hadn’t even known that her brooch had a curse on it! He cursed the Guardians for keeping the Kwamis from knowing how to fix their own jewels, too afraid of the Kwamis turning on them to even give them the basic decency of letting them heal themselves. Gabriel exhaled, letting his anger metamorphose into determination like a leaf-chewing worm dissolved & rebuilt half its organs to become a flying pollinator. “I will have the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous, and I will rewrite the world so that we never find those damned jewels in Tunisia and Adrien can still have his mother.” He sighed. “And if this world must die so that the new world may live…what’s there to live for here? Besides, the Bourgeois twins need you around too, they haven’t been the same since you fell asleep.” A perfect parent Gabriel was not, but he drew the line at how Audrey Goulding, sorry, Audrey Lee had treated her daughters. He’d always had reservations about Andre marrying her, having heard his fair share of horror stories from interns he’d poached (he was a businessman, they all did that), and the horrible way she treated her own daughters only confirmed his suspicions. She constantly criticized and misnamed Chloe and ignored Zoe completely, always calling them “her two-headed daughter Chloe [“Chloe” to be replaced with any similar-sounding word, including “casserole” and “chlorine”]” when in reality she had two sweet little girls who just happened to share a few bones and connective tissues. Eventually Gabriel and Emilie couldn’t take it anymore and talked to Andre about divorcing her, but Audrey beat them to it after tiring of having to pretend to care about her imperfect identical twins. Gabriel had been to New York once and regarded it as smelling as rotten as her heart was; good, she could stay there for as long as she wanted. After Audrey had unceremoniously abandoned her children, Emilie helped Andre raise them alongside Adrien and a few children of Gabriel’s socialite “friends”. Thanks to her the girls had something of a happy childhood, but when the curse of the Peafowl Miraculous knocked her out they started to regress to how they were when Audrey was still in their lives – Chloe became more standoffish and temperamental, while Zoe became less confident in herself and shyer around crowds. And the conjoined twin daughters of the mayor already attracted a lot of attention simply because of their father’s fame; being an unwilling medical oddity only made it worse. So Gabriel’s quest to bring Emilie back was as much for the Bourgeois twins as it was for Adrien and himself (along with Adrien’s cousin Felix and that Kagami girl, he supposed). As Gabriel left the garden, he chuckled to himself; as long as the Ladybug Cure could repair all the physical damage his quest to obtain the Miraculous caused, he wouldn’t stop until he could use the Ladybug and Black Cat to undo the biggest mistake of his life and have Adrien – his beautiful son Adrien – through scientific means that involved exactly zero magic.
And if no one ever saw a Miraculous again? Then the world would be all the better for it. No one should have that kind of power. Once his new world was made and settled, he’d destroy all the Miraculous and set the Kwamis free, sending them back into the ether from whence they came.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Adrien awoke to the scent of something very oily and, to most people, foul. Adrien was not most people. “Plagg? Why is there a piece of cheese on my pillow with a tiny candle in it?” he asked. “Well, I can’t exactly steal a cake, so camembert with a candle in it had to do,” the Kwami of the Black Cat Miraculous said with a lazy yawn. “Happy birthday, kid. Now eat your cheese before I do, it looks really yummy.” Adrien laughed. “You’re going to run up my laundry bill,” he said before removing the candle (thankfully unlit) from the cheese and eating the cheese. Adrien liked his cheese pungent, a preference that Plagg was grateful for since it made buying the perfect embodiment of rot turned into sustenance that much easier to hide. After getting dressed, Adrien found himself staring at his reflection. “Kid, you’re gonna be late if you keep that up,” Plagg said. “Plagg, why is Chat Noire a girl?” Adrien asked suddenly. “I mean, Ladybug said she’s a girl in her civilian form, so why isn’t Chat Noire a boy?” “No idea,” Plagg shrugged. “You’re nearly fourteen billion years old, how do you not know that?” “Kid, Kwamis don’t have male and female like humans do. We’re just energy. We reproduce by people having ideas.” “So why do you use ‘he’?” “Because my actual pronouns would make your brain explode.” Adrien blinked. “Uh…okay then. I think you’re right, the Miraculous are strange and it’s too late in the morning to worry about them. See you after school, Plagg.” “You too, kid,” Plagg yawned. After Adrien left the bathroom the coal-colored god sighed. “I’d tell you the truth, Adrien, I really want to, but the world’s not quite ready for people like you just yet. It hasn’t been for years.” He shook his head sadly and went to find somewhere to sleep. Plagg had been lying the whole time. He knew exactly why Adrien’s superhero form was a girl (by some metrics not entirely as Chat Noire still had the same plumbing as the untransformed Adrien did, but Plagg wasn’t going to change that unless she specifically asked him to). When in use a Miraculous changed a person’s body to the one they desired most, and the gamut of potential desires was enormous. People could get taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, brawnier, bustier, one of Trixx’s had sprouted an extra finger on each hand. Ladybug had blue hair, a color that Plagg was sure wasn’t natural, and the extreme amount of grace she had heavily implied that she was very clumsy in real life, possibly dyspraxic if he was using the word correctly (he’d been asleep when it was coined, after all). And Adrien became a girl on the outside because she was a girl on the inside and just hadn’t figured it out yet; she hadn’t been Plagg’s first champion to be like that, he knew a thing or two about transgenderism. And sure, Plagg may have been the physical embodiment of the concept of destruction, but he was a moral physical embodiment of the concept of destruction, and right now his target was Adrien’s body image. Since he didn’t want to do away with the source of one half of her self-esteem issues (Gabriel Agreste, not the worst parent Plagg had to live around but not the best one either), he figured it would be okay to deal with the source of the other half of her self-esteem issues: her gender dysphoria. So when Adrien shouted “Claws out!” for the first time Plagg did what Plagg did best: he destroyed, and the mask that Adrien had worn for fourteen years (now fifteen years, he supposed) melted like Plagg’s favorite cheese to reveal the elegant girl within. Mmmm…cheese…surely Adrien wouldn’t notice another piece of camembert going missing…Midway through breakfast, Adrien looked up at the sound of heels on tile and saw Nathalie Sancouer, his father’s assistant/close friend and the closest thing that Adrien had to a mother after Emilie fell into a coma, approach him. “Your schedule for the week, Adrien,” she said, curt and professional as ever, as she handed Adrien a tablet. “Thanks, Nathalie,” Adrien said after looking it over. “Hey, um, did Father get back to you about my birthday party idea?” Nathalie blinked uncharacteristically. “Well, Adrien, um…he doesn't think it would be a good idea. He’s worried that it might attract undue publicity and lead to trouble. You remember that girl who grabbed you after school yesterday, don’t you?” Adrien shuddered. She was a black-haired girl with pigtails who’d grabbed his arm and screamed at him that she was going to marry him and they would have three kids and a hamster. Gabriel had never been angrier. The worst part was that the girl looked so much like his classmate Marinette, the nicest girl that Adrien had ever met (even Zoe had her moments of selfishness from time to time, as befitting the daughter of a man in politics). “I-I understand, Nathalie. Will he at least come to dinner? It’s been a long time since we’ve had dinner together.” “I’ll ask him if he has any time tonight, he should be able to at least make that.” Nathalie patted his head affectionately. “Happy birthday, Adrien. I hope you have a good day at school.”Adrien swallowed nervously at the throng of fangirls surrounding his school, chanting his name enthusiastically. “Don’t all these people have school?” he asked his bodyguard The Gorilla, real name Placide I. T. (he had no idea what the letters stood for). The Gorilla shrugged but stood tall and firm, parting the horde with a leer so Adrien could enter the building. “Dude!” Adrien saw Nino approach him from the first floor, a box in hand. “Happy birthday, man!” “Don’t worry, sir, Nino’s my classmate and he’s cool,” Adrien told his bodyguard. The Gorilla nodded and let the other security guards look the boys over. “What’s in the box, kid?” one guard grunted. “Oh, it’s just my birthday gift for Adrien. No real idea what he likes yet, so…” Nino produced, of all things, a bubble wand that was shaped like a sword. “I went with this.” Adrien laughed. “I haven’t seen one of those things since I was six! Thanks, Nino, I’ll take it home after school’s out. See you later Mr. The Gorilla!” The Gorilla nodded and left. “Okay, the bubble wand’s not dangerous, but keep it in your locker,” the other guard said. “We don’t want distractions in school.” “No worries my dude, I’m gonna put this away so no one can steal it,” Nino said. The guards nodded and left to inspect another student’s bags, in the process missing one of Adrien’s fangirls sneaking in through the front door. “So, what kind of awesome party is my man gonna have?” Nino asked as they headed to their lockers. “I’m not,” Adrien sighed. “You’re not? Wow, your dad sounds like a total buzzkill.” “It’s not that, he’s just…worried. He thinks my fans will come to the party and, uh, do not-so-nice things to me.” “ADRIEN!” Adrien paled as he turned around to see the fangirl rush towards him while taking off her shirt. “PLEASE SIGN MY CHEST!” Adrien yelped as he hid behind Nino, who raised his arms protectively. Before either could act, though, a right hand with pale pink fingernails grabbed the fangirl’s right arm, a left hand with dark teal fingernails grabbed the fangirl’s left arm, and then a second left hand with pale pink fingernails grabbed her hair, halting the fangirl in her tracks. “FUCK OFF!” Chloe roared before she and Zoe pivoted on Chloe’s foot and threw the fangirl down the hall, where she was caught by the security guards. “And if you ever come back I’ll have my daddy put a restraining order on you and your entire bloodline!” “Are you okay, Adrien?” Zoe asked after the twins turned back around. “Because it seems like your fangirls have gotten worse this week. Smarter, too.” Adrien shuddered. “I-I’m good. Thanks for the save.” “It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous that we need to do it at all, but as long as we have to we will,” Chloe said firmly before her expression changed to a happier one. “Anyway, happy birthday Adrikins! This is from me.” She reached into her pants and pulled out her phone, then sent him something. Adrien looked at his email and gaped. “Oh my goodness, a digital copy of Clara Nightingale’s new single! Thanks a bunch, Chloe!” “And this is from me,” Zoe said, reaching into her purse and retrieving a block of wood with a silhouetted fencer painted on it. “It’s you after winning that fencing competition last year, I wanted to find a good time to give it to you and figured your birthday was the best time. They didn’t have a trophy to give, so I made you one.” Adrien took it gratefully. “Thanks a bunch, Zoe. You two are great.” “No duh we’re great,” Chloe quipped, earning some laughs. After Adrien left for his locker she saw Nino’s troubled expression. “What is it, Lahiffe?” “Adrien can’t have a birthday party because his fangirls might crash it,” Nino said sadly. “Dude’s never had a chance to just…be a kid.” He shook his head. “I wish we could do something about it. I wish I could protect him…” Flapping. The twins looked up and their eyes widened as a corrupted hawk moth – no, an akuma – flew into the bubble wand in Nino’s hand and merged with it. Nino’s eyes suddenly glowed purple and his neck bent backwards at an unnatural angle before he was covered in purple smog, emerging from it as a brightly-colored harlequin whose skin seemed to be made out of plastic, a bag slung over his back. Nino looked himself over and took out the item in his bag, revealed to be the bubble wand he’d gotten Adrien, which was now the size of a real sword. He swung it and produced a purple bubble the size of a person that enveloped the twins and made them float six feet off the ground. He grinned sadistically. “Perfect. Now I can protect my new best bro from those idiots.” He thundered off. “LAHIFFE!” Chloe roared. “GET US OUT OF HERE SO I CAN KICK YOU!” “We are so going to be late for class,” Zoe whimpered.When Adrien heard the screaming outside the school, looked out the window, and saw his fangirls floating above the ground in purple bubbles, he knew what he had to do. Ducking into the nearest bathroom, he squeezed his ring. “C’mon, Plagg, pick up!” Plagg materialized in a puff of black smoke and the smell of old socks. “Adrien, what’s going on?” “Someone is putting my fangirls in giant bubbles!” Adrien whispered. “Really? Serves them right,” the Kwami shrugged. “The stuff they want to do to you, kid.” “They don’t deserve to die! What if they run out of air in those bubbles? And what if that bubble villain goes after someone who doesn’t deserve some humiliation?” “So you agree that they deserve to be humiliated.” Adrien glared at him. “Right, shutting up. Do your thing.” “Claws out!” Adrien whispered, and in a flash of black light found herself as Chat Noire. It was strange how her mind made her think she was a girl when transformed; magic was weird that way. After making sure that no one else was around, Chat fled the bathroom and ran down the halls. Her vision suddenly went purple. “Whoa! That is a big bubble.” Then she noticed the three sneakers. “Oh, Chloe and Zoe. How did you get in there?” “Lahiffe decided to use us as guinea pigs!” Chloe snarled. “Ohhh, you’d better kick his ass for me, Chat Noire!” “We could also use your help escaping, I don’t wanna be in here when we need to pee,” Zoe pleaded. Chat looked at her gloves. “Hm…using Cataclysm right now would be risky, but I might have an alternative.” She concentrated and hooked metal claws popped out of her fingertips. “Cool!” She raised her claws and then slashed at the bubble, which popped. “WHOA!” the twins yelped before someone flew in and caught them. “Ladybug!” Zoe exclaimed. “You’re here too! That was fast.” “The speed of justice knows no bounds!” Ladybug declared. Chat started laughing. “Oh, shut up, Chat!” “How are you not dropping us? We weigh more than you do,” Chloe questioned. “You know how some insects can lift fifty times their own weight? Apparently I can too.” Ladybug set them down on their feet. “So, do you know who the Bubbler is?” “It’s our classmate Nino. One of Adrien’s fangirls made it past the guards and tried to get him to touch her boobs,” Zoe said. Ladybug made a face. “Nino got mad that those fangirls are why Adrien can’t have a birthday party, and Hawk Moth got him while he was bummed out.” Ladybug looked outside at the fangirls in bubbles. “Let me guess, he’s going to use his bubbles to get rid of the fangirls in the hopes that Adrien’s dad will reconsider.” “Looks like it,” Chat said. “I don’t know if he’d appreciate the gesture, though.” “Adrien?” “His dad. I have no idea how he thinks.” “You and all of Paris,” Chloe snarked. “We saw Lahiffe get changed, the akuma merged with a bubble wand in his hands. It got turned into his sword no doubt.” “Thanks. Now stay inside so you don’t get stuck in another bubble,” Ladybug ordered. “Don’t have to tell me twice. C’mon, Zoe, let’s go to class. We’re late enough already.” “Right!” Zoe nodded. “Good luck you two!”Chat and Ladybug went outside and looked at Nino’s handiwork. “How good do you think Nino’s aim is?” Ladybug asked. “Not sure, what makes you say that?” Chat asked back. “Look.” Ladybug pointed at the security guards, who were also bubbled. “If Nino’s only going after Adrien’s fangirls, then what are they doing in there?” “I guess he’s mad at them too, they did slip up and let that one fangirl inside.” “Well, okay, that I get, but what about him?” Ladybug asked while pointing to another man in a bubble. “I don’t even know what I did wrong! I know what those girls did, the plastic man made some big speech about it, but I was just walking my dog!” the man said in a frantic voice. “Bark!” said the Bolognese in question, also in a bubble. Chat winced. “Okay, I get your point. Nino’s powers make a lot of bycatch.” She turned to address the man. “What else did he say in his speech?” “Something about how he was so mad at those girls that he’d send them into outer space.” Green eyes widened. “Milady! We gotta go before Nino commits mass homicide!” Chat exclaimed. “Hold your Havanas, kitty. We need a plan. What’s Nino’s greatest weakness?” Ladybug asked. “Well, I don’t know that much about him, I don’t go to this school,” Chat lied. “We need to talk to someone who knows him, like his classmates.” “Good idea. I’ll fly up. You keep Nino busy so he doesn’t go after his classmates.”
Chat nodded and turned around. “Hey Bubbler! Do you wash your mouth out with soap whenever you curse, or is soap just a sports drink for you?” Nino roared and swung his wand, but the blonde easily deflected the blow with her staff. “Aha, I see that you’re a swordsman! Well, as they say in France, which is here…” She grinned dangerously. “On guard!” Concentrating on your assigned reading was difficult when you heard people screaming in mortal terror for ten minutes straight. Ms. Bustier did her best to keep her students focused, but eventually said “You know what, class? Let’s put this lesson on the back-burner for now. We need to evacuate to the basement before we get bubbled.” “But Ms. Bustier, we can’t do that! Those people are in trouble, we have to help them!” Rose pleaded. “Yes, one of them tried to do something horrible to Adrien, but that doesn’t mean that all of them need to be punished!” “Rose, you’re great, but they were clearly stalking him,” Alix said dryly. “Scare ‘em straight a little I say.” There came a tapping at the glass and everyone turned to see Ladybug at the window. Ms. Bustier opened it and Ladybug flew inside. “Hi!” she said. “Chat and I are working on a plan to free Nino, and we need your help to do it.” “Our help?” Kim asked. “Sign me up, that’s awesome! Where do you want me to punch him?” “KIM!” Rose scolded. “What?! They didn’t say they didn’t need someone to punch him!” “Chat’s got that part handled,” Ladybug said. Outside the window came the sound of a metal pipe hitting something rubbery followed by an “OW!”. “See what I mean? No, we need something to make Nino let his guard down so Chat can destroy the akumatized object. It’s the only way to free him from Hawk Moth’s control before he sends Adrien’s fangirls to the Moon. Literally.” “So, you need something that will distract him from the fight, thereby allowing Chat to sneak up on him and use her Cataclysm power on the possessed object, and I’m guessing you wish to use your Lucky Charm power to make it,” Max deduced. Ladybug nodded in assent. “I believe I might have an idea.” “That’s great! What is it?” “Music. Nino is a DJ by trade and is frequently on the hunt for new and interesting compositions. Present him with one and he will likely be too engrossed in listening to it to notice nearly anything else.” “That makes sense,” Alya said. “Yesterday Nino told me that he once nearly forgot to study for a test after Juleka sent him her brother’s latest album.” “Why did you have to put me on the spot like that, Alya?” Juleka Couffaine, the shyest girl in Ms. Bustier’s class, whimpered as she tried to shrink to the size of an ant. Ladybug nodded. “We’ll also need to use a piece he’s never heard before or else it won’t work as well as a trap.” Chloe gasped. “Do you have an idea, Chloe?” “I gave Adrien a copy of Clara Nightingale’s new single this morning as a birthday present!” Chloe exclaimed. “It hasn’t been released to stores yet, so I bet Lahiffe’s never heard it before!” “Great! Thanks for all your help, I’m sure Nino will appreciate you saving him from Hawk Moth,” the heroine beamed. “Bug out!” She jumped out the window and flew away. “Man, I wish I could do that,” Kim said. “Be a superhero?” Sabrina asked. “Jump out a window and not die.” There was the sound of a collective facepalm as Alix, Sabrina, Chloe, Alya, and Ivan made their opinions of Kim’s stupidity known. “What? Don’t act like you don’t want to fly!” “Then say you want to fly you idiot!” Alix hissed.“Lucky Charm!” A jukebox attached to a portable generator materialized in Ladybug’s hands. “WHOA! Glad I have superstrength.” She set the jukebox down on the ground. “Hope this works…and hope I don’t get in trouble for piracy.” She pressed the play button and flew into the shadows. A song filled the air, and Nino found himself drawn to it. “Whoa, Clara Nightingale’s new single!” Nino said. His previous quest forgotten, he ran over to the jukebox. “The Miraculous!” Hawk Moth ordered through a purple visor. “Cool it, man, they’re not going anywhere! Chat Noire’s in a bubble and Ladybug’s a no-show!” Nino dissipated the visor with a wave of his hands and sat down in front of the jukebox. “Hmmm, interesting choice of chords in a B-major piece…and that tempo…” He ended up getting so engrossed in dissecting the song that he didn’t even notice his wand slipping out of his holster. “Bubbler, your akumatized object!” Hawk Moth barked. “What?!” Nino turned around to see Chat twirling the bubble wand in her hands. “How?! You were bubbled!” “Kitty’s got claws,” Chat purred as she unsheathed her claws, a gesture which made Nino gulp. “And she’s also got CATACLYSM!” The bubble wand disintegrated, freeing the moth which Chat quickly purified. “Uh…Ladybug, do you want some help throwing that jukebox?” “I’m good!” Ladybug said, hoisting the jukebox with all four hands. “Miraculous Ladybug!” She gave it a half-hearted toss that made it disintegrate into beetles. “Wow, you are…strong,” Chat said, suddenly feeling hot under the collar. “How are you doing, Nino?” she asked as a distraction. Nino groaned, finding the bubble wand in his hands. “Did I do something stupid?” he asked, shaking the dizziness out of his head. “You did, but it was done out of love,” Ladybug said before looking up. “And it actually did have some benefits, I don’t think Adrien’s fangirls will be coming by your school anytime soon.” Chat and Nino followed her gaze and witnessed the horde of fangirls fleeing from the school in terror. “Huh. Whaddya know. Guess whatever I did back there worked.” “I’ll say,” Chat said, sounding strangely relieved.“In light of what happened at school today, Adrien, I’m inclined to let you have a birthday party after all,” Gabriel said. “With your fangirls frightened off by that villain I’m willing to let my guard down a little.” “Great!” Adrien cheered. “However, The Gorilla, Nathalie, and myself will be chaperoning, it will be outside in the courtyard only, and you may only invite your classmates.” “I can live with that,” Adrien shrugged. Then his eyes widened. “Wait, you’re coming too?!” “I finished a project an hour early,” Gabriel smiled. “And I want to meet my son’s friends.” “That’s awesome! Thank you so much, Father!” Adrien hugged him, a gesture that surprised Gabriel and one that he quickly reciprocated. “I just wish Mom was here too.” “So do I, son. So do I.”“Can you believe this little thing caused so much trouble?” Nino laughed as he gave Adrien the bubble wand once and for all. “So what are you gonna do with it?” “You know what? Other people have hunting trophies mounted on their wall, why don’t I make one out of this?” Adrien replied. “Dude, that idea is wild,” Nino laughed. “But hey, I guess it fits. If it wasn’t for Chloe giving you that song as a gift I’d have a body count in the dozens by now, so I guess you kinda defeated me.” Adrien laughed too; Nino had no idea how right he was. “I can’t believe he’s joking about that,” Sabrina shuddered off to the side. “You’ve never been akumatized, Sabrina,” Ivan said as he took a swig of bright red punch. “Everyone processes it in their own ways. Me, I write poems. Nino, he makes morbid jokes. Don’t know what Aurore’s doing.” “Adrien!” Adrien turned around and saw Marinette handing him a box. “Happy birthday!” Adrien opened the box and found a light blue scarf. “Oh my god, this is amazing! How’d you know?” “I heard you say you needed a new scarf since your old one was getting too small, so I figured I’d make you one and save you the trouble of online shopping,” Marinette said bashfully. “And make you did, this craftsmanship is incredible!” Adrien said as he ran his fingers over the stitches. “You bake like a pro, you sew like a pro; what’s next, you fight crime like a pro too?” Marinette giggled as she blushed. “Maybe I do and you just don’t know it.” Inside Marinette’s purse the Ladybug Kwami, red with two jointed antennae, four arms and two legs, gossamer wings hidden by black-spotted elytra, and small fangs resembling mandibles, suppressed a wry laugh. When Tikki had suggested the light blue fabric for Adrien’s scarf Marinette hadn’t questioned it, assuming that Tikki had only chosen it because it was a pretty color. And while it was a pretty color that reminded Tikki of the afternoon sky, she had other reasons for choosing it beyond simple aesthetics. A more discerning eye would recognize that particular shade of light blue as the same one used for the trans pride flag; Tikki was, in her own way, trying to encourage Adrien to find herself. Tikki was Plagg’s opposite in many ways. She preferred her food fresh, firm, and sweet; Plagg liked his food old, soggy, and salty enough to peel paint. Tikki wanted to guide her champions subtly, teaching them what they needed to know only when they were mentally ready to handle it; Plagg spilled the beans about nearly everything he could do the moment he was chosen and had all the subtlety of the collision that created the Moon (Tikki spoke from personal experience, she’d seen it and many others like it firsthand). Tikki liked to build people’s social lives up; Plagg advocated for quick and clean removal of those who slighted his champions. Tikki created; Plagg destroyed. They could be as different as night and day sometimes. But there were things that they had in common, and one of those things was an immense respect for those that society shunned for the most pointless of reasons. Most of their champions belonged to minorities or marginalized demographics, for their determination to keep living despite all that the world threw at them generally made them more noble. Even today their champions were like that; Marinette was a neurodivergent girl of multi-ethnic ancestry, and Adrien was a girl who didn’t even know that she was a girl yet. And the fact that they still got up and lived regardless made them an easy choice for champions. Wang Fu had told Tikki and Plagg who their champions would be at the same time, a traditional safeguard in case one champion ever had to restrain the other; when Plagg found out about his champion’s dysphoria they’d agreed to wait until they definitively knew how Marinette felt about girls like Adrien to have their kids learn each other’s secret identities. Tikki personally thought that Marinette, herself not quite straight, would understand, but she herself understood that humans in the West were still very weird about gender roles and she agreed that time would be needed to tell for sure what Marinette’s feelings were. But she didn’t like sitting by and waiting; Tikki wasn’t an idle being like Plagg was, she was proactive as heck. So Tikki did what Tikki did best: she created. While Plagg literally turned Adrien into a more obvious girl whenever she became Chat Noire, Tikki created a message of acceptance by convincing Marinette to use a particular shade of blue closely associated with transgender people for Adrien’s birthday gift. The message conveyed was simple: “I know you’re a girl, and I cherish you.” Maybe someday Adrien would figure it out. Maybe someday Marinette would too. Maybe someday.
For now, though, Tikki was just content to enjoy Clara Nightingale’s newest song and scarf down the strawberry cupcake crumbs that Marinette snuck her. For even Tikki could be just as lazy as Plagg; the difference was that she would never admit it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Be honest, I look stupid, don’t I?” Alix, wearing a frilly blue-and-white dress three sizes too big for her, deadpanned. “A little, yeah,” Zoe admitted as she and Chloe fixed their makeup in the mirror, using Chloe’s left arm to hold Zoe’s bangs up so Zoe could do her eyelashes. “If your dad let one of us choose your dress I would’ve gone with something more like ours: monochromatic and short enough to wear tights.” Indeed, the twins were wearing a plain orange dress the color of a mango over blue tights, three teal pumps completing the look. “I can’t believe your birthday’s so close to Adrien’s,” Chloe said. “It feels like only last week we were partying at his mansion, probably because it was. You done there, Zo?” “Release the hair-ken!” Chloe let go of Zoe’s bangs. “Well, Alix, let’s get going, shall we?” “Yeah,” Alix sighed as she let Zoe take her by the arm and lead her out of her bedroom. “Let’s get this over with.”“Attention, everyone, attention!” Alix’s father Alim announced to the assembled crowd at the venue. “My daughter Alix is turning fifteen today, so to commemorate it I will be giving her the Kubdel family watch!” “The what?” Sabrina asked. “I didn’t know that was a thing.” “Me either. Apparently whenever a girl in the Kubdel family turns fifteen she’s supposed to get this antique watch,” Zoe replied. “Alix didn’t know about it until this morning.” “Alix with an antique,” Chloe scoffed. “I give her three days before she breaks it.” “Chloe!” her sister scolded. “Alix is careful!” “Don’t you remember what she did to that window in seventh grade?” “...point taken, but still!” Alix sighed as she was handed a rather large and gaudy-looking pocket watch. “Wow,” she said sarcastically. “What a watch.” Alim blinked. “Wait a minute, that’s not the right watch! Jalil!” “What?” Alix’s older brother blinked. “What did you do with the family watch?!” “I didn’t steal it!” Jalil retorted. “I followed your instructions about where to find it, and that’s what I found! It’s not MY fault it’s the wrong one!” As the men argued Alix grimaced and stood up, leaving the watch on the table. “I’m gonna go for a walk,” she told her friends. “I need Dad and Jalil to cool off. Mind the watch, will ya?” As Alix walked away from the table people started whispering about her: “How disrespectful…needs to be grateful…what would her mother say?” That last one made Alix tear up a bit and her pace quickened. “These people are so rude,” Sabrina grimaced. “Guess it’s true what they say: all the fancy clothing in the world can’t hide the ugliness inside of you. I’m gonna go after her and see if she’s okay, with Hawk Moth around I don’t want to take any chances.” “We’ll watch the…watch,” Zoe said, frowning at how silly that sounded. Sabrina got up and left. “Now what?” “We don’t do anything, Zoe,” Chloe replied. “We have enough people staring at us because we’re freaks, we don’t need to give them more ammunition.” Out loud she asked “Daddy? How’s work?” Andre Bourgeois, current Mayor of Paris, jolted awake. “Oh! Well, it’s going quite well, we have a new initiative in the works to make it harder for people to feed pigeons illegally. They’re quite overpopulated, you know, and the falcon breeding program isn’t able to work fast enough to control their numbers.” “I feel bad for the pigeons, but I agree that there’s too many of them,” Zoe said. “I know I sure don’t want to touch their poop.” “That goes without saying.” Suddenly, there came a scream, and a black-and-green blur rocketed into the room before slamming its hands onto Alim’s shoulders. The robotic-looking woman absorbed a yellow-green energy from Alim, gradually causing him to age backwards until he looked no older than Jalil, then rocketed out of the room as quickly as she came in. “What was THAT?!” Alim cried. “And what happened to me?!” “You aged backwards, Dad!” Jalil cried. “Who was that?” “It was Alix!” Sabrina…toddled into the room, having been deaged into a six-year-old. “Hawk Moth got her ‘cuz she was sad!” “Sabrina!” Sabrina’s father, Lieutenant Roger Raincomprix, cried as he scooped her up. “Let’s get out of here before Ms. Kubdel deages someone else!” “Like ME!” Andre exclaimed before pausing and thumbing his chin in thought. “Actually, no, that wouldn’t be so bad, my back is acting up again.” “Andre, she could turn you into a baby! You can’t be the mayor if you’re a baby!” “You’re right! Everybody out!” The adults and deaged ran out of the room. The twins tried to follow but were unsteady on their heels, and one bump from a socialite sent them sprawling on their backs. “Have I ever mentioned how much I fucking hate high heels?” Chloe groaned as they recovered, finding themselves alone in the room. “Fuck, we’re by ourselves. Alix could come back at any minute, and I do not want to relive the loose tooth years.” “Good thing I thought to bring flats,” Zoe said as she retrieved her purse from their seat. They changed their heels for black flats and stood up, steadier on their feet now. Zoe noticed that Alix’s watch was still on the table. “What do we do with the watch?” “Akumatized or not, it’s still Alix’s birthday present. We should get it out of here before she accidentally smashes it.” Chloe picked up the watch. “It’s funny, though, something about this watch feels…old. But this thing is plastic, how old could it possibly be?” She rubbed the watch and accidentally pressed the latch at the top, causing it to pop open and turn into a cyan pocket watch with a pentagonal face, five black dots taking the place of numbers. Then a white humanoid four inches tall with rabbit ears, large feet, a short tail, and big cyan eyes materialized from it and stared at the girls. “My name is Fluff!” said the Kwami. “You’ve found the Rabbit Miraculous!” Chloe fainted, causing the twins’ conjoined body to sag to one side. Zoe sighed in exasperation and muttered something about her sister being a wuss before licking her index finger, then poking her sister in her left armpit while yelling “WAKE UP!” “GUH! I–” Chloe saw Fluff and glared at her. “What’s the big idea scaring a girl like that?!” “Dreadfully sorry, miss, but I sensed an imbalance in the flow of time!” Fluff apologized. “My Miraculous lets you travel through time and see alternate timelines! If I’m here then you must need me.” “Huh, Alix could’ve gotten a Miraculous but got akumatized before she could put it on,” Zoe pondered. “Good thing she rejected it, if Hawk Moth got his hands on you we’d be done for.” “Hawk Moth?” Fluff’s face fell. “Oh, poor Nooroo! Someone must be abusing his Miraculous again.” “Hawk Moth has a Miraculous?!” Chloe exclaimed. “So that’s how he does it! Those moths are supposed to turn people into sidekicks for the Miraculous heroes!” “Who’s Nooroo? And who are you?” Zoe asked. “Oh, apologies! I am Fluff, the Kwami of Evolution. A Kwami is a quantum kami, basically a tiny god made of ideas and magic. We have great power, but without the Miraculous they’re diffuse and unfocused, nor can we ourselves interact with the material world. My particular abilities involve time travel, specifically the viewing of alternate timelines so my champions can learn what decisions to avoid.” Fluff sighed and clicked her large incisors together. “Nooroo is the Kwami of Transmission and the inhabitant of the Hawk Moth Miraculous. He’s a gentle, sensitive sort of Kwami who…” She gasped. “Wait…if he’s being used to make akumas again, and I sensed time distortions…oh no! He must’ve made a time travel villain! That could go very, VERY wrong! We have to find them! You need to put me on so you can see what alternate timeline they could’ve ended up in!” “Wanna be superheroes, Zoe?” Chloe asked with a big grin. “It’s been my dream since Issue 1 of Majestia!” Zoe replied, grinning just as widely. “So what do we do?” “Say ‘Clockwise’ to transform and ‘Counterclockwise’ to detransform,” Fluff recited. “Your special ability is called ‘Burrow’ and it times out after five minutes since this is your first time with the Miraculous. After that I need to eat a carrot to recharge.” “So it’s not a time-based recharge, but food-based. Alright, sis, let’s do it!” Chloe picked up the watch with her left hand and the twins said, in unison, “CLOCKWISE!” The black dots on the watch turned yellow, and in a flash of cyan light the Bourgeois twins found themselves covered in a sort of mesh that was sturdy, yet lightweight and breathable, the watch hanging on a loop of fabric on the strip of flesh below Chloe’s left arm and above Zoe’s right leg. The full-body outfit was mostly cyan, yellow, and white, with a few streaks of black on their boots and yellow-and-cyan domino masks over their eyes. Speaking of which, their eyes had turned gray and wide like a rabbit’s, while their hair had turned a bright carrot orange. A glance upwards and they discovered that they were wearing bunny-ear headbands colored yellow with cyan centers, Chloe’s ears sticking up and Zoe’s bent over her forehead, and a glance in a nearby pane of glass revealed that each twin had a yellow puffball for a tail at the base of her tailbone. Their weapon, a parasol, was strapped to the space between their spines by magic. “Awww, we look cute,” Zoe cooed, Chloe nodding in approval. There came the sound of a crash and they turned around to see Ladybug and Chat Noire entering the room. “Chloe? Zoe? What are you doing dressed like that?” Ladybug asked. “How did you know it was us?” Chloe asked. Then she remembered she was part of the only pair of dicephalus tribrachius tripus twins in all of Paris. “Oh. Right. Well, whatever! We found the Rabbit Miraculous, it lets you see alternate timelines! Alix might be in one of them!” “We ran into her, she calls herself ‘Timebreaker’,” Chat said. “She’s stealing the temporal energy from people and regressing their ages. My guess is she wants to go back in time and rip up her family’s invitations to that party so she doesn’t have to be humiliated.” “If she wanted to do that then she’d only need to steal a week’s worth of time energy, not several years worth,” Ladybug countered. “Hawk Moth might be sending her further back in time to make sure neither of us is born, or something else bad. Girls, we need your power to see where in time Alix might’ve ended up before she causes any trouble.” “I’m ready to get this over with, time travel makes my brain hurt,” Zoe said. “Let’s do this, Chloe!” “BURROW!” the twins yelled. A pentagonal portal opened in front of them and they all went inside of it, the portal sealing up behind them.Ladybug thought she’d seen it all. She shared a class with the twin daughters of the mayor of Paris, the son of a fashion designer who happened to be Marinette’s idol (the designer, that is, not the son, although Adrien was a total sweetheart), and the daughter of Jagged Freaking Stone (not that Juleka advertised who her dad was, but Marinette knew that under her red contacts Juleka’s eyes were the exact same shade of turquoise as Jagged’s). Ladybug herself was a superhero, powered by a tiny god capable of creating anything, and she was partnered with a cute girl her age who was polite as could be. She’d even gone from the clumsiest girl in the neighborhood to the badass who’d kicked the butts of three supervillains in only two weeks on-duty! But nothing could’ve ever prepared Ladybug for what she saw after the Bourgeois twins used Burrow: a white sphere full of circular screens showing them entire alternate worlds. All Ladybug could say at that moment was “Wow.” “Hey guys, look at this! It’s the time of the dinosaurs!” Chat said, looking at a screen featuring two male Iguanodon bernissartensis smashing their necks into each other in front of a gaggle of females. “Although I gotta say, I was not expecting Iguanodon to be so brown.” “Chat, focus,” Chloe barked. Then she paused as she and Zoe squinted at another such screen. “...huh, Velociraptor really does have that dumb little feather mohawk after all. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous, I can’t believe they got that right.” “I think I might’ve found a timeline where we are!” Ladybug said, showing the group a scene where a statue of Ladybug and Chat was being unveiled. “Let’s go here so the twins can recharge Burrow and their Kwami can try to sense Alix.” She jumped into the screen and her partners followed suit. “How come nobody heard that?” Zoe questioned once they landed. Chat poked a man and saw her hand go through him like a ghost. “Huh. We can’t physically interact with this timeline. Might mean we’re not supposed to mess with it.” “Damnit!” Chloe swore, stomping her foot as the transformation wore off. “How is Fluff supposed to eat now? ” “Power-up foods are exempt from the no-interactions rule!” Fluff said before wiping her brow. “And I sure could use a snack, I’ve never powered up two people at once before!” “It shows, we timed out early,” Zoe frowned. “Is there a way to merge Miraculous together? Because that might be necessary for us to get the full five minutes.” “Plagg – my Kwami – said that there is, but I’m not ready to know it yet and he doesn’t want Hawk Moth to know it either,” Chat shrugged. “Hey, wait a minute, there’s me! And I’m a boy in this universe. Huh. Weird. Let’s see if we can learn something from him.” The girls slunk over to where alternate-Chat was standing (although he wasn’t able to see them anyway). “These statues are amazing,” he said to the teenager who’d obviously sculpted it. “One thing's slightly off, though: I'm actually taller than Ladybug.” “Ladybug didn't show up,” the designer sulked. “I just wanted to express my adoration for her. Let her know that everything I had went into her statue. I'm sure if she took a little time to get to know me she would see how much we have in common. Our devotion to the things we love.” “Hey, don't mean to burst your bubble, but you know, Ladybug and me, we're a thing, you know?” alternate-Chat said with a smug look that just screamed “liar”. “Really?” “Yeah, we're like this,” alternate-Chat said as he crossed his fingers suggestively. As the designer left in a huff, Chat shuddered. “So, I’ve learned that in this timeline I’m not just a boy, I’m a jerk too. And that even creepier guy’s probably going to turn into a villain now. Great. Where were we on finding carrots for Fluff?” “Let’s go to the Dupain-Cheng bakery, they ought to have carrots,” Ladybug suggested. “Chloe and Zoe, do you want me to carry you there? It’ll be faster than walking.” “YES!” the twins nodded enthusiastically, grateful that they wouldn’t have to walk. “What, I don’t get a ride too?” Chat asked playfully. “Only four hands,” Ladybug replied with a wry grin as she wiggled all twenty fingers. “Fine, I’ll go by pole vault,” Chat chuckled as she extended her staff.They arrived at the bakery and Fluff quickly set to work scrounging, coming back with the discarded tops left over from a carrot cake made from scratch. “It’s not much, but it’ll work,” Fluff said before gnawing on a carrot top. “Are you sure Marinette won’t mind us camping outside her room?” Chat asked. “She can’t see or hear us, remember? Different timeline,” Ladybug said, looking nervous for some reason. “Ugh, of course Adrien would own one of these super-expensive high-tech smartphones. I can't even figure out how to work this thing.” The group’s eyes widened at what they’d just heard alternate-Marinette say. “Maybe it would help if you took off those silly mittens.” Fluff’s eyes widened when she recognized alternate-Tikki’s voice, but a death glare from Ladybug quickly shut her up. “And risk leaving fingerprints? No way.” Alternate-Marinette's phone rang. “Problem fixed?” alternate-Alya asked over the phone. “Almost. I haven't erased the message yet, but I'm working on it as we speak.” “No way. You palmed his phone?” The girls outside the room gasped. “Yes? No? Uhh...I mean, I was planning to give it back. Actually, where are you? I can use some help.” “I’ve heard enough, let’s go,” Ladybug said, looking sick to her stomach. The twins nodded, retransformed, and left for the Burrow room. “Apparently in that timeline Marinette’s mom never taught her about boundaries & consent, so Marinette wound up becoming a stalker fanatically obsessed with Adrien,” Zoe cringed. “And that alternate Alya is enabling her. Ick.” “Especially given what Nino was akumatized over in our timeline,” Chat squirmed. “Any luck finding something else?” Chloe found a screen featuring Alix and Kim racing on a gym track while their classmates looked on. “Hey, there’s Alix. If she’s there, so might Timebreaker. Y’know, like she might’ve gone back in time to meet her past self to warn her not to become her future self…” Everyone else stared blankly at her. “Did I lose you nerds somewhere?” “Time travel!” Zoe groaned in anguish. “All you want is to slap a Nazi, but all you get are multiple migraines!” “You do know that Nazis still exist in the present day, right?” Ladybug asked. “Yeah, but they have social media now and they’ll commit stochastic terrorism if you say anything bad about them, much less slap them. Let’s just go inside the time screen and find Alix before Hawk Moth makes my headache even worse.” Chloe nodded and the girls entered the new timeline, which was actually the same timeline as the one they’d entered before, just on a different day, landing at the back of the crowd. “Adrikins, whatcha got there? Some super-old case or something?” The group gaped as alternate-Chloe, who was decidedly not conjoined to Zoe – in fact, Zoe was nowhere to be seen – snatched the disguised Rabbit Miraculous out of alternate-Adrien’s hands, standing on a right foot that Chloe had and a left foot that she did not have. “Careful, it's Alix's!” alternate-Adrien warned. “If it's Alix's it's probably worthless,” alternate-Chloe replied as she played with the watch. Chloe’s jaw dropped at the sheer callousness of her alternate self and the revelation that she and Alix weren’t friends in this timeline. “Give it back to Adrien, Chloe,” alternate-Marinette pleaded. Alternate-Chloe then accidentally dropped the watch onto the track, where Alix's rollerblades shattered it. “Ooh! That’s gonna leave a mark on me!” Fluff winced after materializing out of the Rabbit Miraculous. “I call a rematch,” alternate-Kim, who’d lost the race, decreed. “That false start back there threw me off! Uh…” “Did you do this?!” alternate-Alix snapped at alternate-Alya. “I had to videotape the race, so I gave it to Marinette, but then she had to hold the banner so she gave it to Adrien, then Chloé snatched it from him and dropped it and, uh, then you skated over it,” alternate-Alya said with a wince and a nervous chuckle. “My old man gave me this for my birthday! This watch is totally a family heirloom!” alternate-Alix cried. “It was an accident!” alternate-Marinette protested. “We didn't mean any harm, Alix,” alternate-Adrien apologized. “As if! I totally had nothing to do with this,” alternate-Chloe lied. “LET ME AT ME!” Chloe roared, trying to swing at alternate-Chloe. Zoe wouldn’t budge, though, so Chloe’s rage had to simmer down until she was calm enough to talk again. “This timeline stinks!” “It gets worse,” Fluff said after checking something with her powers. “You don’t even know Zoe exists. In this timeline she was born a year later than you in an affair with our Audrey’s current husband, and this Zoe’s currently living with Mr. Lee in New York.” Zoe stilled. “Um…excuse me, what? How would that even work?! How would Mom hide in New York for a year and hide a second pregnancy from Daddy? And you mean to tell me that Chloe never learned how to be nice because I’m not around to teach her how to compromise? That’s Daddy’s job, not mine!” She scoffed derisively. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! This timeline isn’t just evil, it’s stupid!” “But I do have some good news! An akumatized Alix does show up here! …not sure if she’s ours, though,” Fluff amended. “So let’s retransform and wait it out!” The Bourgeois twins did so, and sure enough a Timebreaker showed up on the track. “How will we be able to tell if she’s ours?” Chat asked. The Timebreaker looked their way. “Oh yeah, ours will be able to see us.” Her eyes widened. “And touch us to steal our time energy. Crap.” “YOU!” Alix – their Alix – roared as she skated over. “Hand over your Miraculous!” “Why should we?” Chloe asked. “What could Hawk Moth give you that we can’t give you?” “My mom!” The heroes froze. Alix removed her helmet, showing them her teary eyes. “I just want to find a timeline where Mom is still alive and just…move in there. Dad doesn’t care about me, I’m just a toy for him to show off, and after Mom’s cancer got her he’s loved me even less.” She sniffled. “Alix, you dumbass!” Chloe shouted, catching her offguard. “Don’t you know you have friends in your timeline? People who aren’t your dad but love you all the same?! Is it fair to them to fuck off to another universe and never tell them where you are?” Alix shrank back “I–” “What about Chloe and Zoe, your best friends since age four? What about Kim, he’s gonna be worried sick about you all the time if you disappear on him! Max too! Adrien and Sabrina will miss you, Dupain-Cheng and Lahiffe will miss you…your dad and your brother will miss you too!” Chloe sniffled. “And what about that alternate Alix? Is it fair to her to take her mother away?” Alix’s eyes widened. “N-no…” she admitted. “T-take me home.” The twins hid behind a pillar to detransform and feed Fluff while Ladybug and Chat hugged Alix consolingly. Once Burrow was recharged they found their timeline by finding the Ladyblog post featuring the defeat of their Bubbler, and returned to the venue where Alix’s birthday party used to be. “Alix?” Chat asked softly. “What did Hawk Moth akumatize?” Alix laughed mirthlessly. “He couldn’t find anything on me worth changing, so…” She reached down, rolled up her pants leg, and ripped a bandage off her knee. “Oh. Ew. Cataclysm,” Chat cringed as she disintegrated the bandage and purified the goopy moth that emerged from it. “Lucky Charm,” Ladybug said, conjuring a handkerchief that Alix blew her nose into. “Miraculous Ladybug.” She tossed the handkerchief and everything was restored. “See you later, Alix.” “Yeah,” Alix said sadly as the heroes left. “You can drop the magic, girls, I know it’s you in there.” The twins detransformed. “Alix, we might need to keep the watch, it turns out it’s another Miraculous,” Zoe apologized. “No shit? Eh, you might as well, it’s kinda tacky. No offense to the bunny fairy.” “None taken, although I should tell you that the form of a Miraculous is mutable,” Fluff said before disappearing into the watch, which the twins hid inside Zoe’s purse. “Oh, and girls?” “Yes?” the twins chorused. “You looked hot as bunnies.” They blushed and Alix laughed. Sabrina, fourteen once more, burst into the room. “Alix!” she cried as she hugged her. “Thank goodness! What happened to you?!” “The idiot tried to run away from home,” Chloe said. “The heroes talked her out of it.” “Alix!” Sabrina scolded. “Whatever made you think that was a good idea?!” “I was going through some stuff!” Alix said as she let Sabrina hug her. Someone behind them cleared their throat. The girls turned around to see Alim approach Alix tepidly. “Alix,” he said slowly, “it appears that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.” Alix swallowed. “That’s on me.” She blinked in surprise at his admission. “After Jahanara died I spent too much time teaching Jalil how to work so he could help pay the bills, I should’ve spent some time with you as well.” He reached into his pocket and placed an antique watch, elegant and silver, into her hands. “This is the genuine watch, which I discovered had been misplaced into your mother’s possessions. This is to show that you are still my daughter, no matter who you choose to be. As long as it is not evil like Hawk Moth.” Alix snorted. “After what happened to me there is no way I’m going his way. Thanks, Dad.” “And as my treat, tomorrow we’ll do something of your choosing so I can start learning who my daughter is,” Alim added. “Rollerblading.” He made a pained expression. “Well…can’t say I didn’t walk into that one.” “No, you skated into it,” Zoe said. Everyone groaned. “What? Too soon?” “My sister, Zoe Bourgeois, comedienne ordinaire,” Chloe deadpanned, jerking her left thumb at her sister’s face. Zoe stuck her tongue out at her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Principal Denis Damocles addressed Ms. Bustier’s class. “You only have one day to work on your fashion piece, and it must be your own design. Tomorrow your pieces will be judged by none other than the great fashion designer Gabriel Agreste, father of our very own student Adrien Agreste. In fact, Adrien will model the winning design in his next photoshoot. And now, to announce this year's theme: derby hats.” “Derby hats?” Marinette swallowed. “What’s wrong?” Alya asked. “I’ve, uh, I’ve never made one before.” “How? Isn’t it, like, one of the most iconic hats out there?”
“I know!”
“Uh, Mr. Damocles?” Zoe asked as she raised her hand. “I, um, I have a question about the project.” “Yes, Ms. Bourgeois?” Damocles asked. “The own work part…I’m kinda, uh, not equipped for that.” “Whatever do you mean?” Zoe turned so Chloe was facing him. “Yo,” Chloe said bluntly.
Damocles’ eyes widened. “Ahem, oh, yes, your situation. Alright, the Bourgeois twins alone are allowed to work together on their pieces given their…handicap, but they’re only allowed to collaborate on the construction of their hats. Designing their hats should still be done independently. Are you alright with that?” “Yep,” Zoe said. “Sure,” Chloe shrugged. “Excellent!” Damocles left the room. “Anyone have a blindfold on hand so we can meet the project requirements?” Chloe asked. Kim chucked his gym towel at her and it landed on her head. “Thanks, Kim, we’ll be sure to use it after we wash it.” “Dude, gross!” Nino chided. “I was only trying to help,” Kim grumbled.“I don’t get it, girl,” Alya said that afternoon at Marinette’s house. “You’ve got like, ideas upon ideas normally. How is this stumping you?” “It’s the time limit,” Marinette said as she tutted over her sketches. “I do not handle deadlines well, especially big ones that get sprung on me at random. I like to take my time on these things, it helps me sort out my good ideas from my sucky ones.” “I am learning so much about ADHD from you, Mari.” “Glad I could help,” the noirette snarked. “Well, let’s try changing your surroundings, maybe being stuck in your room is the problem here. C’mon, there’s gotta be something cool in the park to inspire you.” “Gabriel Agreste would never go for a derby hat that looks like a leaf,” Marinette sighed. “Still, I think you might be onto something, fresh air might do the trick for my artist’s block. I’ll tell my parents and then we can head out. Oh, hey Alya, do you have something in mind for the project?” “That’s a secret,” Alya grinned. “The rules, right. Damn.”Marinette was not the only one hitting a brick wall that afternoon. “How much longer do I have to wear this blindfold, Chloe?” Zoe complained from underneath Kim’s gym towel. “Washed twice or not, I still don’t want to get athlete’s foot on my eyes!” “I’ll take it off when I get an idea that isn’t total ballsacks!” Chloe grimaced as she crumpled up her fifth idea and threw it into their trash can. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” Zoe lifted the towel. “Stumped?” she asked. “You’ve always been the artsy one, Zoe,” Chloe huffed. “I can barely draw.” “That’s not true! Your linework’s a lot neater than mine, although it probably helps that you’ve got another hand to hold the paper down while you write. You’re just having a block, that’s fine. We all get stuck sometimes.” “I am a BOURGEOIS,” her twin scowled. “I do NOT get stuck.” Zoe sighed and clasped her sister’s left hand with her own. “Is this about not being able to live up to Mom’s standards?” she asked softly. Chloe nodded, her eyes watering a bit. “She came out with a new line of dresses this morning, Zoe. She spent two weeks designing them all. You can probably do the same thing in half that time. And what can I do? Fail to make a stupid little old-timey hat in 24 hours. I can’t be like you.” “No, but you can lead people like Daddy does,” Zoe said. “You’re a better politician than I am, Chloe, you’re not afraid of everything like I am.” “That’s bullshit, I’m afraid of most of the things you’re afraid of, or did you forget that your adrenaline affects my heart too?” Chloe scoffed. “I just don’t let them see it.” “Exactly! So don’t be afraid, Chloe. You’ll figure it out eventually.” Zoe pursed her lips. “Maybe you need a distraction.” “Do you have one?” “I do.” Zoe looked over at their couch, where the Rabbit Miraculous lay dormant. “We need to find out where Chat Noire and Ladybug got their Miraculous. Whoever gave them out should be able to take the Rabbit Watch too, we cannot let Hawk Moth know that we have it. If he steals it and merges it with his Miraculous…boom, time-traveling akumas. We might cease to exist.” “Yeah, but how do we find them to ask? It’s not like there’s going to be an akuma attack right now.” The sky suddenly went dark. “Then again, I could also be the dumbest bitch on Earth…” “Never mind that! Let’s look outside!” They got up and hobbled to their window as fast as they could, and saw a massive flock of pigeons blocking out the Sun. “Say, Chloe? Remember how Daddy was talking about that anti-pigeon-feeding initiative last week?” “Yeah?” “Methinks that someone has an issue with it.” “You’re kidding.” “Oh, dreary day, poor Parisians.” The girls looked up to see a man in a pigeon costume flying above the buildings. “Sorry to ruffle your feathers, but Paris now belongs to the pigeons! Flap flap!” “Xavier Ramier,” Chloe said, recognizing his voice. “The man who Sabrina’s dad has ticketed more than anybody else in Paris.” “Looks like it,” Zoe agreed. “HELLLLLLP!” The twins did a double-take as a ball of pigeons with glowing eyes flew by with Chat Noire trapped in the middle. “I’M ALLERGIC! AAAAACHOOOOO!” “Hawk Moth’s making Chat Noire sick!” Zoe gasped. “That fiend! We must stop him, dearest sister, and save her from his clutches before it’s too late!” “We will, but we’re not going out there without the poncho,” Chloe said, snapping her sister out of her roleplaying. “The poncho?” Zoe repeated. “Because if you really think I’m going to let you take me outside where I could get bird shit in my hair…” “Right, the droppings. The poncho sounds especially nice right now. And it’ll make it easier to hide the Rabbit Watch too when we take it to where it belongs.”Chloe was not the only one hitting a brick wall that afternoon, although Chat Noire did so a lot less metaphorically. “Owww…” she moaned before entering a sneezing fit that sent the pigeons who’d thrown her flying away in fright. “Stupid birds…I hope somebody turns you all into squab!” “It’s not the birds’ faults, kitty.” Chat looked up to see Ladybug extending both of her right hands to her. “Mr. Pigeon is controlling them against their will. How are you feeling?” “Awful,” Chat sniffled as she took them and let her partner pull her to her feet. “I’m allergic to feathers. Like, the actual feathers and not the bird grime that they preen themselves with.” “Poor baby,” Ladybug cooed. “Want me to Lucky Charm you an epipen? Or an antihistamine?” “Save it for Mr. Pigeon,” Chat said as she wiped her nose on her gloves. “How’re we gonna get ‘im?” “I think the akumatized object is his pigeon whistle thingy,” Ladybug said. Chat laughed. “Don’t laugh! I don’t know what else to call it!” “Well, I think you’re right about the object. His costume doesn’t have anything else on it besides bird skin,” Chat said before one of her decorative cat ears flicked. “Hang on, did you hear something that sounded like two girls getting mega grossed-out just now?” “Uh…no?” “EWWWWWWWWWW!” the Bourgeois twins, wearing an orange custom vinyl poncho covered in numerous bird droppings, screamed as they raced towards the heroes. “Cat hearing. Cool,” Chat said. “Miladies, you uh, you okay in there?” “NO WE ARE NOT!” Chloe seethed. “You two had better come up with a plan to take Mr. Ramier down! This stuff is corrosive!” “We’re working on it,” Ladybug said diplomatically. “Wait…did you say Mr. Ramier? He’s been on the news, wasn’t he banned from every park in Paris for feeding the pigeons?” “The literal crap on our poncho is why you’re not supposed to feed the pigeons!” Zoe yelled. “And the stuff that people usually feed them with is pretty bad for them anyway!” “Is there anything you know about him that might help us catch him?” “Not us, no,” Chloe said. “But Sabrina might, her dad’s got a grudge against him. But in return we want something from you.” “You do?” Ladybug asked, concerned. Zoe beckoned the heroes to come as close to her as they could without coming into contact with pigeon crap. “We want to know who gave you your Miraculous,” she whispered. “We want to give them the Rabbit Watch for safekeeping.” “We can tell you where to go once this is over,” Chat whispered back. “Now go find Sabrina before those pigeons peck your eyes out!”“Uh…” Sabrina began. “Don’t. Ask,” Chloe grimaced. “Do you have a hose or something we could use to wash this off with? I know the Cure will fix it, but I’m not patient enough to wait.” “Uh…sure! Sure, I just wasn’t expecting to see you here today. How are the hats coming along?” Sabrina asked as she led the Bourgeois twins to her backyard. “I have my design, Chloe’s…having difficulties,” Zoe replied. “I see. Alright, there’s a hook on this wall you can hang the poncho on, I’ll need you to hold each sleeve up while I spray it. Maybe we should get some goggles before we start…” As they watched Sabrina wash the poncho while holding up the right sleeve, a goggles-clad Chloe asked “Sabrina, did you know that the latest villain is Mr. Ramier?” “It is? I kinda figured. Dad busted his chops after school today when he caught him feeding popcorn to the pigeons again.” The word “again” piqued the blonde’s interest. “What do you mean ‘again’?” “Mr. Ramier’s preferred food of choice for pigeons is popcorn. Microwaved and buttered, which is super bad for pigeons due to the high salt and fat content. Hell, the unpopped stuff’s not good for them either, it’s a choking hazard for pigeon-sized birds and it should only be given to big birds like turkeys and ravens.” “So he has a pattern and a tendency…” Chloe nodded. “And I think I have an idea for my hat.” “Yay! You had a creative moment!” Zoe cheered. “Wait, how are we going to tell Ladybug and Chat Noire? Because I am not going back out there.” A feral pigeon, brown and white instead of the typical gray and black, landed near the twins’ feet. Chloe’s eyes narrowed as she had another creative moment. “Sabrina, you seem to know a lot about feral pigeons. How did they first end up in Paris?” “They descended from carrier pigeons that escaped from–” Sabrina’s eyes widened. “Chloe no.” “Chloe YES!” “Chloe WHAT?!” Zoe shrieked as Chloe pivoted on her foot hard enough to make them fall over while reaching for the pigeon with her left hand.“A coin?” Ladybug said, frowning at the ladybug-colored one-Euro coin that her Lucky Charm had conjured. “Why a coin?” “Perfect timing, hootie-hoo! We're ready to greet them, aren't we? They're going to fall right into my trap. It won't be long before you get your Miraculous, friend,” Mr. Ramier chortled from his spot in the warehouse above them. “Maybe if we shine it at him he’ll try to steal it and then we can– nope, wait, that’s magpies.” Chat coughed. “Ugh, this is the worst akuma ever. And it’s only our fifth one, that means there’s only gonna be worse akumas in the future. Whyhyhyhy.” There came a squawk from above. “Oh my, it seems like someone has written you a little message! Well, who am I to deny you your one phone call?” A brown-and-white pigeon with a rolled-up piece of paper tied to its leg with a twist-tie fluttered down to Ladybug’s feet. “Enjoy!” “...what the fuck?” Ladybug swore. The pigeon cooed and let Ladybug remove the paper and twist-tie from its leg. “Hey, it’s a message…‘He likes popcorn.’” Ladybug looked up and saw a vending machine in the warehouse. A vending machine with bags of popcorn in five different flavors: original, low-fat, cheesy, caramel, and…escargot? What? “Oh!” Ladybug raced over to the vending machine and put the coin inside, then selected a bag of original flavor and pressed the dispense button. The bag was dispensed and the coin was spat back out to let her use the Ladybug Cure. “Yes!” Then the door at the bottom of the machine jammed when she tried to retrieve the bag. “No!” “Allow me. I’ve got some urges to let loose,” Chat said. Ladybug stepped aside. “CATACLYSM!” The vending machine disintegrated, spilling all of its contents onto the floor. “Thanks, Kitty! Now we’ve got bait for the entire flock! Hey Mr. Pigeon, your friends look hungry!” Ladybug taunted. “How about some lunch?” Chat ripped open several bags with her claws and the pigeons, hungry for an easy meal, descended on the popcorn, leaving Mr. Ramier exposed. “My friends, now is not the time to eat!” Mr. Ramier begged, but instinct finally won out over magic and the pigeons ignored him. A pair of yo-yos hooked around his ankle. “Uh-oh. I’ve seen this cartoon before. AAAUGH!” he yelled as Ladybug reeled him in with her right hands and crushed his pigeon call with her left hands. The akuma flew out, Chat purified it, and the moth hightailed it before the pigeons could eat it (not knowing that pigeons were almost entirely herbivorous and therefore only saw moths as a flying hazard). “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said as she threw her coin, which removed all the pigeons from the warehouse, restored the vending machine and put all of the magically-refilled bags back inside of it, and cleaned a considerable amount of pigeon droppings off the streets of Paris – including the Bourgeois twins’ poncho. The damage reversed, Ladybug then drew level with the source. “Mr. Ramier, feeding feral pigeons is illegal in Paris for good reason,” she lectured. “Pigeon feces are highly acidic and will damage any limestone, marble, or metal that they come into contact with, in addition to providing a reservoir for various fecal diseases and parasites that can infect people. It also allows the pigeon population to increase to the point where they'll start to crowd out native birds. Oh, and popcorn is not at all healthy for pigeons, if you’re going to feed them you should only be using unseasoned oats, sunflower seeds, and peanuts without the shells. Understand?” Mr. Ramier nodded feebly. “Good.” “Do this again and you’ll be hearing from my allergist,” Chat threatened before the heroes disappeared, leaving Mr. Ramier alone with his thoughts, without even a bird to accompany them.It took them several hours of designing, buying materials, sleeping, and building, but eventually Ms. Bustier’s class finished their hats. Gabriel couldn’t attend in person for security reasons, so Nathalie showed him around via tablet. “Let me see what you have made,” Gabriel said. “Now, Adrien was not eligible for the challenge as he’s the model, but he did decide to draw his own design to use as an example for the quality I seek.” “Ta-da!” Adrien said, showing the class a drawing of a brown derby hat with horse ears. “Why does it have horse ears?” Nathaniel questioned. “Don’t act like you’ve never heard of the Kentucky Derby.” The rest of the class went silent. Then Nino started laughing. “Dude! You got us good!” Then Adrien started laughing, and then everyone else joined in. Even Nathalie snickered a little, and Gabriel had a fond smile on his face at the successful completion of an Adrien Agreste Feghoot. “That aside, I would like to see your designs,” Gabriel said. “We’ll go in alphabetical order of last names, so Ms. C. Bourgeois, you’re up first.” Chloe exhaled. “I had a lot of trouble coming up with an idea, and this came to me a little late, so save the hate for the end of the show.” She opened her box and took out a derby that looked like a bag of movie popcorn, red-and-white-striped with a red rim and a square of knobby-textured yellow fabric representing popcorn on the top. “Well, it’s certainly creative,” Adrien said as he tried it on. “A big derivative, but I appreciate the spirit,” Gabriel added. “Ms. Z. Bourgeois?” “I based mine off the rocks in the Grand Canyon,” Zoe said, showing Adrien her derby, which was striped red and beige like sandstone. “Cool, I like the stripes,” Adrien said. “What do you think, Father?” “Very nice, Ms. Z. Bourgeois. Nature can inspire many a good design. Now, Mr. Bruel?” Ivan stood up. “This is my design,” he said, opening his box and showing the class a metallic silver derby. “I call it ‘Real Steel’.” “Big large,” Adrien said after trying it on, the bottom of the hat coming over his eyes. “Yeah, kinda only had my own head to base the shape on. Sorry dude.” “No, no, it’s fine! The color’s great.” “Ms. Cesaire?” Gabriel intoned. “Since all of my favorite shirts are plaid, I figured I might make a plaid hat to go with them,” Alya said, producing a derby patterned like her trademark orange, purple, and white plaid t-shirt. “Interesting,” Gabriel nodded after Adrien tried it on. “Ms. Couffaine?” Juleka swallowed as she presented Adrien with her hat. “I, um, I call it ‘The Mind is a Machine’,” she said, showing that it had various metal gears stuck to it. “Hm…that sharp metal doesn’t reassure me,” Gabriel said. “How does it feel, son?” “Like it’s pulling my head to the side,” Adrien said, his head visibly tilted to his left where the gears were weighing him down. “S-sorry, Adrien,” Juleka mumbled as she reclaimed her creation. “Ms. Dupain-Cheng?” “I know this might be too soon, but after yesterday’s…incident I couldn’t help myself,” Marinette said as she took out her hat, which was patterned like a rock dove’s feathers, even bearing a few gray feathers on the brim. “So…yeah. Pigeon hat.” “That’s not a real feather, is it?” Adrien asked. “I’m kinda allergic.” “To feathers?” Kim questioned. “It is rather rare, but it can happen,” Max explained. “Of course it’s not a real feather! Who on earth just uses a feather they found on the street for a fashion project?” Marinette asked incredulously. “That’s just gross!” “Indeed,” Gabriel agreed, looking uncomfortable at the sight of the hat for reasons that only he and Nathalie fully understood.One by one the other students showed Gabriel and Adrien their designs for the contest, all of them wondering how far their appreciation of their work went. After viewing Sabrina’s design (a police themed-derby inspired by her father’s uniform), Gabriel, Nathalie, and Adrien left the room to discuss their assessments. “Will you be okay if you don’t win?” Zoe whispered to her sister. “Zoe, it took me a literal akuma attack to even have an idea. The fact that I made it far enough to put my damn hat on Adrien’s head is achievement enough for me,” Chloe whispered back. “Besides, you were right, I’m a better leader & combat strategist than I am a fashionista, if it weren’t for me Mr. Pigeon would still be running around.” “And you still owe me for that bruise you put on my knee,” Zoe said sourly, the bruise on her right leg that she’d sustained from Chloe’s plan to catch the brown pigeon throbbing a little. “I’ll let you choose how we dress for the next week.” “Deal!” The Agrestes and Nathalie returned to the room. “It took some consideration, but after weighing probable audience interest, cost of materials, comfort, and overall aesthetics we have chosen the victor in this project,” Gabriel said. “The winner is…Alya Cesaire!” Alya gawked. “But– but all I did was make a hat version of my shirt!” “Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best ones,” Nathalie replied. “Way to go, Alya!” Marinette clapped for her, and soon the rest of the class joined in on congratulating her. “Well, I didn’t win either,” Zoe said to her sister. “Is it weird that I’m kinda relieved by that?” “It took away a possible cause of intersibling jealousy, so yeah, relief is the correct reaction,” Chloe decided before seeing Alya come their way. “Good job, Alya, but don’t think for a minute that your victory means you get to slack off.” “Not a chance, girl!” Alya laughed. “I’m just getting started! Hey Adrien, when should I come over to your photoshoot?” “We will take care of the arrangements, Ms. Cesaire,” Gabriel said. “For now, though, we must go, there is a magazine editor I’m interviewing shortly. Adrien, we’ll talk later.” “Bye Nathalie! Bye Father!” Adrien waved. Nathalie nodded, powered the tablet off, and left the room.“Is this the right place?” Chloe asked the next day, squinting at the sign reading FU’S MASSAGE SHOP. “It’s got the right address that Chat and Ladybug told us,” Zoe said. “Pity they couldn’t come. And I could use a massage anyway even if it isn’t the right place, my back’s getting stiff again.” They went inside, drawing a stare from a previous client who was leaving the parlor, and rang the bell at the desk. A short, ancient-looking Chinese man – Mr. Fu himself, they supposed – approached them. “Ah, a walk-in appointment. Well, miss…es…” he said as he took in their visage. “Well, I should warn you that I will have to charge you an extra 50% for a massage, which would ironically come out at 75% for each of you.” “We’re not here for that; at least, not solely,” Zoe said. “We’ve got something of yours,” Chloe said, retrieving the Rabbit Miraculous from underneath their poncho and showing it to him. Fu’s eyes widened. “Come with me.” The twins exchanged a glance but followed Wu into his massage room. After the door was shut he pressed a button on the wall that opened a secret door, which led into a different room that was decorated an ominous mixture of red and black. In the middle of the room was a gramophone which Fu opened, revealing that it was a box containing several accessories. The top had a pentagon with a bifurcated circle in the middle, while the sides opened up to reveal a dozen trays. Of the nineteen slots total, six were conspicuously empty: the circle in the middle, three of the pentagon’s subdivisions, and one of the side trays. Fu took the Rabbit Miraculous from Chloe and held it, and Fluff emerged from within. “Master Fu!” she exclaimed. “Hiya! I can’t remember when I last saw you!” “Fluff,” Fu said warmly. “You’re alright. Where have you been?” “I helped stop an akuma! They helped too!” “Did they now?” Fu said as he looked up at the twins. “Hm…I see. You’re those twins who’ve helped Ladybug and Chat Noire. I read the Ladyblog,” he explained. “As I well should, for I am the one who gave them their Miraculous.” “Did you give Hawk Moth his?” Chloe asked. “No.” The girls blinked as a different Kwami, lime green in color with a shell covering his chest, a stubby tail, and a face that looked a bit like he was supposed to have a beak, said as he hovered around the bracelet on Fu’s left wrist. “The Hawk Moth and Peafowl Miraculous were lost many years ago when the British Army attacked our monastery. Wang Fu is all that remains of the once-great Miracle Guardians.” “Wayzz is the Kwami of Protection and the inhabitant of the Box Turtle Miraculous,” Fu introduced them. “And I sense that you two will not sit idly by and let Hawk Moth misuse the Hawk Moth Miraculous, nor find someone willing to misuse the Peafowl. Besides, Ladybug and Chat Noire could use an extra pair– sorry, trio of hands in their heroics work.” He smiled at them. “Feel free to stop by if you have any further questions, or if you just need to work the tension out of your muscles.” “We will,” the twins promised. And they would, for they had many more questions that they wanted answered. But those could wait for now; right now it was time for a back massage, having two spines on one pelvis was taxing. “Do you take gift cards?” Zoe asked. Fu nodded and Zoe retrieved her wallet from her purse.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Hey guys, check it out! The Ladyblog just reached a million views!” Alya said during lunch, showing her classmates a page on her phone showing the viewcount for her blog. “No way! That’s so cool, Alya! You’ve only been doing this for like, three weeks!” Mylene complimented. “Twenty-four days and counting! I’m so happy that everyone cares so much about our superheroes!” Ivan laughed nervously. “They’re um, they’re not saying mean things about me, are they?” “Nah, don’t worry Ivan, I checked the comments sections myself,” Alix reassured him. “Most people get it, people have bad days and Hawk Moth takes advantage of ‘em. Most of the anger is sent at the people responsible for the bad moods, I know my dad’s rich guy friends got their asses raked over the coals for what they said about me. Also, congratulations Sabrina, you’re a meme now.” “Well, I was a cute kid…” Sabrina mused as she looked at a picture of her deaged self captioned with the sentence THE WORLD’S WITTLEST COP. “So, who do you think Ladybug and Chat Noire are? They’ve gotta be our age, right?” Nino asked. “Not the twins, that’s for sure,” Nathaniel said. “Pretty sure we’d notice if they started running around in colored spandex with animal ears.” “Yeah, we’d notice alright,” Alix said, sending a flirtatious wink at the Bourgeois twins, who blushed before giving her a little wave back with their outer hands. Alix was on the aromantic spectrum, but that didn’t mean she inherently disliked all forms of romantic intimacy; it just meant that she didn’t experience love at first sight. But after spending ten years with the Bourgeois twins she could safely say that she wasn’t opposed to the idea of dating them specifically, regardless of how potentially legally dubious that might be. Sharing a body & bloodstream with their sister made their dating lives extraordinarily complicated (i.e. nearly impossible for most people to want to try), but Alix didn’t care that they were a permanent package deal. They were cute girls who Alix was pretty sure also liked girls, and Alix trusted them to not hurt her if they ever decided to ask her out. The twins trusted her, too; Alix was their first real friend and helped them be happy when their mother had abandoned them. They’d returned the favor when Alix’s mother developed metastatic colon cancer that ate away at her brain and made her forget her own name, and now it was Alix’s job to keep the twins’ discovery of the Rabbit Miraculous secret. But Ladybug and Chat Noire were newcomers, completely unknown to Alix; she wasn’t as sure if she could trust them with anything beyond stopping villains. “I’m not sure we should pry, Alya.” That was Marinette. Alix didn’t know her as well as she knew the twins, having only met the noirette in middle school, but she knew that Marinette, while easily-distracted and prone to fits of anxiety, was probably the cleverest girl she knew. “Secret identities exist for a reason; if Hawk Moth knew who they were he could threaten their family, or just akumatize them directly.” “I know, girl, I know,” Alya replied. “I’d never post their secret identities online, or even try to sniff them out myself. But if I knew who they were then maybe I could help them destress after akuma attacks.” “I’m sure they’d appreciate the thought,” Marinette said, looking oddly grateful. “But anyway, have you ever thought about monetizing your blog?” “I have indeed! Someone’s going to call me after school to see about making like, limited-edition figurines. The proceeds would go to the akumatized to pay for their therapy and stuff, and to me to pay for better filming equipment. And Nathaniel’s offered to make free coloring pages for kids that I can post on the site.” “Way to go, Nat!” Alix said, clapping the shy artist’s back. Nathaniel jumped. “Uh, th-thank you, Alix. Uh, do you wanna swing by so I can get you to model for Timebreaker? You’re like, the only one who actually remembers being akumatized. Which is honestly kinda weird.” “I jumped into an alternate reality, Nat, it turns out Hawk Moth’s control has a range limit.” “Interesting,” Adrien pondered. “How far do you think it goes?” Before anyone could ask further questions, however, the bell rang. Everyone sighed and got ready for science.Science was the class that everyone in Francoise Dupont worried about. Not because of the subject matter, or the difficulty of the homework and tests, but because of who the teacher was. Olga Mendeleiev was an ex-Soviet physicist turned French middle school science teacher, having fled to France from Russia thirty years ago. Although the USSR was long gone (unless your name was Vladimir Putin), Mendeleiev still embodied its virtues: hard work, order, and deadly precision. She was a terrifying foe if you got on her bad side, and an even more terrifying ally if you somehow managed to get on her good side. Today Mendeleiev wandered around her classroom, gauging Ms. Bustier’s students’ work on a physics experiment involving tension and weights. It was quiet save for the sounds of pencils on paper, brass weights shifting around on various lengths of iron springs, and the distinctive way that the Bourgeois twins breathed in and out with 3.75 lungs and 1.85 diaphragms (they’d measured at Mendeleiev’s insistence). It was, in a way, quite peaceful. And then Alya’s phone rang, slaying that peace in an instant. All eyes locked on her while she fumbled for her phone. “Oh, no,” she groaned as she recognized the number and took the call. “Uh, excuse me, this is a bad time, I’m still in class…uh-huh, yeah, come back at five PM. Bye.” She hung up. “Ms. Cesaire!” Mendeleiev barked, snapping over to Alya’s seat like a snake striking at a frog. “What is the meaning of this?!” “Sorry, Ms. Mendeleiev. Someone I’m doing business with called earlier than they meant to. Apparently they forgot about timezones.” “I don’t care who you were talking to, child. When you’re in my class, your phone is to be silenced and powered off. And I don’t mean just darkened, I mean shut down and consuming no battery. Hand it over.” Alya sighed and did so, then Mendeleiev put the device inside a box at the back of the classroom. “You will get that back after class. After school, detention for an hour.” “Yes, Ms. Mendeleiev,” Alya mumbled. “Good. Now, everyone, go back to work.” And the silence resumed, only it wasn’t quite as peaceful now.“Poor Alya,” Zoe said as the twins rode home in their limousine. “Talk about bad timing.” “If her business partner is that stupid as to forget what a timezone is, then Alya should take her business elsewhere,” Chloe scoffed. “And Ms. Mendeleiev had no right to embarrass her like that. It wasn’t Alya’s fault that her business partner’s an idiot. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” “Yeah, but she could’ve saved herself the trouble by turning her phone off before class.” “She’s new, she couldn’t have known.” “Then maybe we should’ve warned her.” Silence. Then a phone vibrated. “Whose is that?” “Not mine.” Suddenly, the limousine came to a halt. “What? Driver, what’s–” Chloe gaped when she saw that their driver wasn’t moving, a glowing purple pause symbol hovering in front of his face. “Uh…Zoe? What the hell just happened?” “Ohhhhh, this had better not be another time-manipulation akuma!” Zoe groaned. “You’re half-right! She’s someone even GREATER!” Chloe’s phone glowed and someone materialized in the seat next to her on Chloe’s right (naturally since Zoe was always on Chloe’s left). It was Alya, only she was wearing a black bodysuit with white stripes, a wifi symbol on her chest, a white holster on her hips, and a black domino mask on her eyes, which were purple instead of brown. Her hair had gone from rusty red to deep indigo, the ends probing the air like tiny tentacles while electricity crackled between the strands, and her skin had turned a somewhat sickly shade of ashy gray. “Alya?” Zoe asked. “It’s Lady Wifi, mortal,” Alya said smugly. “I’m here to unmask Ladybug and Chat Noire. Then no one will ever dare humiliate me again!” “Alya, this isn’t you! You made a promise that you wouldn’t betray their trust like that!” “Hawk Moth made a more convincing counteroffer,” Alya replied with a shrug. “Now, I can’t have you interfering, although given how slowly you move with three legs I don’t think I’ll need to pause you like I paused your driver. Toodles!” She jumped into Chloe’s phone and disappeared. “Who even says ‘toodles’ anymore?” Chloe griped as she undid her seatbelt. “C’mon, sis, let’s find the Heroes.” “But how? We don’t know where they’re going to show up,” Zoe replied. “Let’s start at the Grand Paris. Alya’s mom works there, they might try to ask her about what might’ve caused her akumatization.” “Good thinking. Ms. Mendeleiev might’ve called her about the incident in class, that certainly seems like something she’d do.” Zoe removed her own seatbelt and the twins got out of the car. “Sure hope she didn’t call Alya’s dad, though, because I do not want to walk all the way to the zoo.”“Thanks for talking to us, Ms. Cesaire. I know how hard this must be,” Ladybug said gently. Marlena Cesaire sniffled. “My little girl is being used as a pawn for that villain. What does he even want with her anyway?” “It’s not her he really wants, it’s our Miraculous,” Chat said. “If you fuse them together in a certain way you can wish for anything. But something else has to be destroyed to make it come true; wish to be cured of cancer, and someone else gets your tumors.” “The Hawk Moth Miraculous doesn’t give as many physical enhancements as the Black Cat and Ladybug do,” Ladybug added. “So the person who has the Hawk Moth needs to act indirectly as a support-party member. It’s supposed to use a person’s positive emotions to turn them into a superhero, but it can be used on negative emotions just as easily.” “We’ll get her back, Ms. Cesaire. We mean it,” Chat promised. “You’d better,” Marlena grimaced. As the heroes left the building they heard panting. “Oh, hey girls,” Ladybug said as the Bourgeois twins staggered into view. “I guess you had the same idea we did?” “Yeah,” Zoe panted. “Water.” The Heroes led them back inside and watched the twins take turns slurping from a water fountain. “Uggggh! I hate long walks!” “Tell me about it,” Chloe agreed. “We met Alya, she calls herself ‘Lady Wifi’. She can teleport through phones and use video playback symbols on people.” “Shit,” Ladybug swore. “Chat and I have phones built into our weapons. If she ever finds out about that…” “Wait, you have phones in there?” “Uh, yeah? How did you think we were able to meet up so fast? Anyway, what does she want?” “You two. Unmasked. And since she runs the Ladyblog…” “That means she knows we detransform five minutes after using Lucky Charm and Cataclysm.” Ladybug removed her goggles, revealing that the entirety of her eyes when transformed were solid black, and wiped her eyes before putting her goggles back on. “Shit. What do we do, Chat?” “I’m thinking, I’m thinking…I’ve got it!” Chat snapped her fingers. “We set a trap! If Lady Wifi wants a scoop, then someone else getting the scoop first will really grind her gears!” “And one of Hawk Moth’s other villains being the one to get it will really set her off,” Ladybug added with a grin. “If we recruit one of Hawk Moth’s previous victims and have them pretend to be reakumatized, she’ll be too focused on going after them to pay any attention to us.” Then she frowned. “But the akumatized don’t remember their time transformed…and I don’t think we can make Nino or Aurore or especially Ivan look convincing.” “Alix remembers being akumatized,” Chloe reminded her. “And most of her thing was her speed, which is pretty easy to replicate.” “And her outfit was pretty close to what she wears on the track anyway, so all you’d need to do is Lucky Charm the missing pieces,” Zoe added. “Good idea. Let’s pay Alix a visit. Do you know where she is?” “She said she’s going to Nathaniel’s to model for his coloring pages, I’ll give them a heads-up.”“Well, it looks like I won’t need to use Lucky Charm for the costume,” Ladybug said at Nathaniel’s house. “How long did it take you to make this? Asking for a friend.” “I have a 3D printer and some pretty good modeling software,” Nathaniel shrugged. “Are you sure this is going to work?” “I think it’s worth a shot,” Alix said as she adjusted her Timebreaker costume. “Alya wasn’t there when I got transformed, so all of her pictures of me are second-hand. And since Hawk Moth lost control over me the more timelines I hopped I doubt he was able to pay enough attention to how I acted back then.” “Are you able to skate with all that?” Chat asked. “That stuff looks a bit heavy, and you’re not akumatized.” “I skated with the twins on my back and never fell once, I’ll be fine.” As Alix skated out the door, Chat looked at the Bourgeois twins oddly. “Did she actually–” “Yes, she did. For a tiny little thing that girl is STRONG,” Chloe said. “Now go get Alya, we’ve gotta call a replacement limo.”“Okay, so Mylene’s ruled out along with Sabrina, Rose, and Juleka,” Alya said while looking at a list on her phone, which now had white stripes on its case to match her costume. “And I know it can’t be me, of course, and it can’t be Aurore or Alix since they were akumatized and Ladybug showed up both times, and I’d need a new prescription for my glasses to even consider the Bourgeois twins.” She exhaled as she put the list away. “Y’know, maybe it’s not a girl under the spots, maybe it’s a guy who got turned into one like that one superhero show from a few years ago. Nathaniel looks about the right height to be Ladybug, and I know he doesn’t mind dressing stereotypically feminine.” She frowned. “Or maybe it’s Mireille, she did quit the weather girl thing after Aurore got akumatized…” She pulled up another app on her phone and slung a pause button at a passerby, but it shattered when it hit them instead of making them pause. “But whoever Ladybug is, I need to go somewhere with better reception to catch her,” Alya decided while the passerby fled. “My powers are getting weaker.” “You were already too weak.” Alya gasped as Alix, “reakumatized”, bladed her way and came to a stop. “Yo. I’m back.” “What?!” Alya gasped. “How?!” “Got frustrated over staying in the same pose for too long while Nathaniel drew me, moth’s in my sock. Hawk Moth’s not happy with your lack of progress, he wanted someone faster so he called me up. I obliged.” “How DARE you!” Alya fumed. “I’m faster than you any day of the week! I move at the speed of literal LIGHT!” “Then you’ll be able to keep up. Ladybug and Chat Noire are that way. Seeya!” Alix bladed off. Alya cursed and jumped into someone’s phone. Alix bladed down the street, path directed to a certain spot, Alya occasionally surfacing from a phone to throw a pause symbol at her. “Damnit!” Alya cursed after missing for the fourth time. “If only I could use a fast-forward symbol on myself!” Then she got an idea. “How about a rewind, Timebreaker?” she called as she threw a rewind symbol at Alix, only for it to hit a lamppost and get flipped around midflight, turning it into a fast-forward symbol that doubled Alix’s speed. “You’re right, that hit the spot! Thanks a bunch!” Alix grinned and buzzed away. Alya facepalmed and kept diving & resurfacing. Eventually, though, the reception declined to the point where Alya failed to make it inside a phone, forcing her to continue on foot. Her journey took her into a neighborhood where all the lights were dimmed, although she certainly noticed when she completely failed to make another pause symbol. “No signal!” she cursed. “Well duh!” Alya froze as Chat Noire leaped off a wall and landed on all fours. “Several trees here fell down last night, this neighborhood’s been out of power all day. No power, no internet. And thanks to that,” she said as a six-axle crane rolled onto the street opposite her, blocking Alya’s only remaining way out, “you’ve got nowhere to run. Now come along quietly and we’ll get Hawk Moth out of your head.” “Lady Wifi, what is the meaning of this?!” Hawk Moth, as if on cue, said as a visor appeared over Alya’s eyes. “Chat Noire’s Miraculous is within reach but you can’t make an escape!” “Can it, Cock Moth!” Alya snapped as she holstered her phone and crossed her arms. “What did you just call me?!” he gasped. “You reakumatized Alix! Ladybug and Chat Noire were supposed to be MINE!” “I did no such thing! I can only make one akuma at a time!” “Then how come you’re still active? Shouldn’t you time out after five minutes? Alya’s been like that for forty and you’re still able to talk to her,” Chat said, confused. “I’m an adult, you smart-aleck,” Hawk Moth said flatly. “I can stay transformed for hours. Now hand over the ring like a good little girl and I’ll get you some nice catnip.” “You can’t bribe me with drugs! I’m a teetotaler! HIYAH!” Chat swung her staff at Alya, hoping to knock her out, but the staff was caught by three of Alya’s hair tentacles and Chat was immediately electrocuted, sending her to the ground in pain. “Oh yeah, I forgot I could do that too,” Alya said, immediately calming down. She turned to face Alix. “I don’t like people who hide their secret identities. NOW TASTE HAIR!” Her hair writhed like an army of snakes as she raced after Alix, who yelped now that Alya was considerably more dangerous. Ladybug finally caught up with the group. “Kitty!” she cried, racing over. “What happened?!” “Her hair’s electric,” Chat groaned. “I can’t feel my face anymore. Don’t touch her with metal.” Ladybug’s brow furrowed. “Hm…Lucky Charm!” A spool of copper wire with ladybug-patterned flanges materialized in her hands. “Chat, can you still move your hands?” “Not very well, it’s all pins and needles. What do you need me to do?” “I need you to Cataclysm the asphalt on my signal. Rest up, kitty, this next part’s for me and Alix.” She spread her wings and fluttered over, looking for something on Alya she could…her holster! Making a hook out of the end of the wire, Ladybug darted over and hooked it under Alya’s holster. “Alix, catch!” Alix caught the spool. “I think I know what you want me to do!” She started running around Alya, winding the wire around her as the akumatized Caribbean-Francian tried to zap her with her hair. “Chat, now!” Ladybug said once Alix had pulled the wire taught, trapping Alya’s hair against her back. “CATACLYSM!” Chat touched the asphalt with her hands and the black energy lining them turned ten square feet’s worth of asphalt into ash, causing Alya to slip and fall on her back hard enough to crack her phone. The akuma squeezed out from under her butt in a comical manner, only to be purified by Chat’s staff. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said as she tossed the spool, which disintegrated into ladybugs that fixed the road (much to the considerable relief of the construction workers), healed Chat’s electrical burns, and restored Alya to her normal self. Chat flexed her arms, glad that the pain was gone. “Excellent choice of charm, milady! That was the perfect thing to disarm her powers!” “What was?” Alya groaned, rubbing her head in pain. “Copper absorbs radio waves! And since Alya’s akuma powers were based on wifi, which is made of radio waves, copper wiring would serve as shielding!” “I was actually going on the principle that copper conducts electricity and getting Alya’s hair to touch it while the rest of it was wound around her would probably end up tazing her, but your idea probably helped too in case she tried to teleport out,” Ladybug said. “You okay, Alya?” “Ugh…what did I do?” Alya asked. “You tried to unmask us under Hawk Moth’s orders.” Ladybug’s right ear beeped. “Which will happen in four minutes if we don’t book it right now. We’ll see you around, Alya. Bug Out!” She opened her wings and flew away. “Chat Noire AWAY!” Chat shouted, using her staff to vault over the crane and out of sight. Alya grimaced. “Damn, did I really want to expose them? Fuck, that goes against all my morals.” “Your morals took a backseat to Cock Moth’s,” Alix said before snorting and doubling over. “Please tell me someone got that on video!” “Did I actually call him that?” Alya asked. Alix nodded and Alya joined her in laughing their asses off.“You okay, Alya?” Marinette asked the next day at lunch. “Doing fine, Marinette. No memories of what I tried to do. Unfortunately the internet recorded a few of them.” Alya frowned. “I guess it’s true what they say: don’t play with electrical outlets.” “How’d your sponsor react?” “You kidding? They asked if they could make figurines of me. Well hey, if it’s going to my family then I’ll have more money for equipment, might as well merchandise myself too.” “Isn’t that money supposed to be used for therapy, Alya?” Rose asked. “Not to worry, Rose, akuma therapy from here on out will be free!” That was Aurore approaching them, Mireille by her side. “Mireille and I started a support group for former akuma victims, it meets every Monday after school. If we get thirty more signatures we’ll get a teacher to sponsor it!” “And an actual therapist paid for by the school!” Mireille added. “Well if that’s the case then I can’t possibly deny my signature!” Rose said as she took a pen from Mireille and doodled her name on the sheet. The other girls gave their signatures as well and Aurore & Mireille headed to the boys. “One thing I still don’t know, though,” Alya said. “How did Ladybug and Chat Noire know where to find Alix?” “Who do you think?” Alix grinned as she wrapped an arm around Chloe’s neck. “Our resident akuma-chasers Chloe and Zoe!” “Alix, you’re going to get pizza oil on your sleeve,” Zoe said as she lifted her slice of pizza to her mouth. “And that’ll be an improvement over the dresser smell it currently has. How are you guys?” “Still sore from walking all the way to the hotel,” Chloe said, setting down her spaghetti fork to take Alix’s left hand with her own and gently caress it. “We’d take up yoga, but no one’s been able to modify the positions for persons with three legs and three arms. And keep it down, will you? We don’t want Cock Moth knowing how much we help the heroes.” Zoe dropped her pizza onto her plate and started laughing, and soon the other girls joined in too. People stared, but they ignored them. As they laughed, Alix noticed that Marinette seemed to be laughing especially hard, but she quickly shrugged it off. Marinette naturally found penis jokes hilarious, it was something they had in common. It was something relatable that made her that much easier for Alix to trust.Gabriel Agreste grimaced. “This is a disaster, Nathalie. Two investors in Egypt have already backed out after that ‘mystic papyrus of Tutankhamun’ nonsense from Solomon, and I’ve had to fire the man in charge of the November Line.” “You would’ve fired him anyway, Gabriel, his conduct was unacceptable,” Nathalie said. “Well, obviously. I can’t abide that Orientalism nonsense. Bringing people back to life in the name of the Egyptian Sun god indeed! If that papyrus existed I would’ve already used it myself on Emilie,” he added under his breath. “But I wish he would’ve waited to spout off his racist conspiracy theories until after it was easy to cut ties with him!” “Rebecca has some availability this week, should I ask her to finish the line?” “Forget finishing it, we’ll have to start all over. We cannot reward Solomon’s behavior with a single cent of royalties.” Gabriel heard laughter. “Speaking of behavior.” He and Nathalie walked over to a small room where two interns were looking at their phones. “And just what might be so funny as to cause you to stop working?” “Mr. Agreste!” one intern gulped. “We, uh, we just found this video online…you wanna see it?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow but let them play it. “Can it, Cock Moth!” Alya said in the video, the title reading “COCK MOTH EPIC REMIX”. Someone had indeed gotten the akuma fight on video, and someone else had naturally decided to YTP it. The screen started shifting colors and positions as the meme continued. “C-c-c-c-c-can it– can it– can it– Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! C-c-c-c-c-can it– can it– can it– Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth! Cock Moth!” The video ended there. “Uhhhhh…sir?” gulped the other intern.
Gabriel, white as a sheet, only pointed at the doorway and said “Get. Back. To work.” The interns squeaked and ran away. Once they were gone, Gabriel slumped on a stool and buried his face in his hands. “This has been the most humiliating month of my life, and it’s not even over yet,” he groaned. Nathalie sat next to him and patted his shoulders consolingly.
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Sabrina yawned awake. She got dressed, packed up her backpack, and went downstairs. Roger was cramming a pink-frosted donut into his mouth with one hand while shoving papers into his briefcase with the other. “Dad?” “Yeff?” he asked through the donut. “Don’t forget that you signed up for Career Day at school, okay?” “Sabrina, you know your father has to appear in court today, it might take a while for proceedings to wrap up,” tutted her mother Fabienne, a rotund woman with short yellow hair. “Don’t be surprised if he shows up late. And chew your food, dear.” “Late is better than not coming at all,” Sabrina replied while her father swallowed his breakfast. “Right! I’ll try to be as quick leaving the courthouse as I can,” Roger said. “I’ll see my favorite girls later.” He ran out the door. “I can’t be late, I can’t be late…”“Career Day, Adrien!” Kim hooted as he walked Adrien to class. Even though the fangirls were long since gone thanks to Nino’s akumatization, Ms. Bustier’s class wanted to be extra sure that they wouldn’t try anything ever again. Chloe & Zoe couldn’t always be around to yeet (his new favorite word) a creep down the hall, and since Kim could yeet people pretty well he decided to help Adrien out himself. “My father’s not coming if that’s what you’re going to ask,” Adrien replied sullenly. “Wait, seriously?” “Seriously. He said that the hat-designing contest we had two weeks ago counted for him showing up here on Career Day. Besides, he’s kind of an agoraphobe.” “He hates cats?” Kim gasped. “Kim, the irrational fear of cats is ailurophobia,” Max corrected as he came up alongside them. “Agoraphobia is the fear of going outside.” “Ohhhh. I thought Adrien said ‘angoraphobia’. My b. Hey Max, is your mom coming?” “No, she’s very busy as you know, and this isn’t her week off. But my father is coming to talk about his robotics research.” “Knowing your dad it’s going to be a major snooze-fest,” Kim said with a roll of his eyes. “I would not call it ‘major’ per se. Minor, perhaps. And yourself?” “Papa’s coming to show off his sick coaching skills, if they made me the best swimmer in class they can make anyone an awesome swimmer. Even the twins, and they sink like a rock.” “I heard that!” Chloe’s voice came from inside their classroom. “It’s true though,” Zoe’s voice added meekly. Kim knew from experience that the twins wouldn’t be able to participate in Career Day. And how could they? Their father was the mayor of Paris, aka the busiest man in Paris, and Audrey Lee was the kind of person whom Kim would’ve gladly yeeted (yote?) down the hall. She was in America besides. No, the only way the twins would be able to participate in Career Day would be for Andre Bourgeois to remarry, which sounded like a good idea to Kim anyway because Andre was a tired and lonely old coot who needed a lover to spice up his life. Perhaps when Career Day was over the twins would let him play Cupid with their dad. But then he imagined the dark expression that Chloe would have if he brought it up and decided against it. Fool though Kim was, he wasn’t a fearless one, and the girl he’d had a crush on since fifth grade (along with her equally-cute sister to some degree) was someone who could put the fear of an ancient god in him in no time at all. An ancient god that, for some reason in Kim’s mental eye, looked like a tiny yellow bee with big blue eyes and a warm, gentle smile. Weird.“My day begins at four AM every morning because the bakery opens at seven. You might think that the life of a baker is pretty routine, making the same pastries, rolls, and cakes all day every day, but each day can actually be quite different. One day someone might order a cake in the shape of the Eiffel Tower, and another day you might–” Sabrina halfheartedly munched on a croissant that Marinette’s father, a big French man named Tom Dupain who was about as intimidating as a teddy bear, had brought to give the class a sample of his work (and also to provide some extra calories for fifteen growing adolescents, school was exhausting at this age). She envied Marinette, she really did; both of her parents were always there for her even with how busy they could be. She understood that her father was a lawman and his hours were thus that much stricter, but Roger still hadn’t shown up yet. “Unfortunately I have no dishes to share with you myself, but maybe Mr. Bourgeois will invite you all to the hotel and treat you to lunch so you can sample my work!” When had Tom ended his speech and Marlena started hers? How out of it was Sabrina that she no longer registered the passage of time? She looked at the clock on the wall and sighed a little. Only an hour left before dismissal. Where on earth could Roger be? Lieutenant Roger Raincomprix was not having a good day. The judge had kept everyone in court an hour longer than he usually did, and the defense lawyer who cross-examined Roger was a smug bastard who’d clearly been bribed by the defendant (and Roger was sure of this because bribery was what the defendant was being tried for in the first place). All he wanted to do now was to zip over to his daughter’s school and participate in Career Day; he’d missed the last three and he had no intention of missing the fourth & final one in middle school, and possibly forever. Fate, however, had other plans. Roger swore as a car swerved in front of him, its path unsteady in a way that could only mean one thing. “Damnit! A DUI at this hour!” Roger made to pursue them, but the drunk’s reckless driving resulted in a pair of semis crowding together a bit too closely, cutting him off and causing a jam. His face turning as red as his hair, Roger rolled up his windows, turned off his radio, and proceeded to swear so horrifically that every nun in a one-mile radius suddenly started crying for a reason that none of them knew.“Bummer, ‘brina,” Kim said after class as he walked a mopey Sabrina out of the building. “I was lookin’ forward to hearing how your dad kicked ass.” Sabrina sighed. “I hope he had a good reason for not coming…” Suddenly, she looked up as her father’s squad car pulled in front of Francoise Dupont. “Oh. He’s here.” Roger got out of the car, saw his daughter outside the school building, and his face fell. “I missed it, didn’t I?” Sabrina nodded, tearing up a bit. “Oh, pumpkin, I’m so sorry. Court ran late and then I got caught in a traffic jam.” “I-I figured it was something like that, Dad,” Sabrina sniffled. “I-it’s just…I’m so tired. Tired of all the broken promises! I know that your job’s important, and I know you don’t get much wiggle room out of it, but…” She exhaled. “I-I just wanted to see my dad on Career Day just once. And I’m tired of having other people break your promises.” Roger wiped his eyes. “I understand, sweetheart. Want me to take you home?” She nodded sullenly and got in the car, Kim giving her a gentle wave goodbye.Every time Roger used his rear-view mirror he saw his daughter in the backseat, upset. He’d done that. Not on purpose, of course; that damned sports club chairman and the lawyer he rode in on were the ones ultimately responsible for that. He was probably going to get off scot-free too the way Roger’s day was going. Something tailgating him caught his eye. Keeping pace with his car was a rather large moth, positively dripping with black slime. Roger wasn’t as much of an entomologist as his daughter’s friend Zoe was, but even he knew that the moth wasn’t normal and might pose a health risk. He put his foot on the gas a little to make some distance, but the moth simply flapped harder…and then phased through the rear window like a ghost. “Sabrina, watch out!” he cried. Sabrina snapped out of her funk, saw the moth, and screamed “AKUMA!” Roger stopped the car; the moth didn’t stop and kept going until it touched his whistle, where it melted into it. As Roger was consumed by purple smog, two brown orbs appeared in front of his eyes. “Rogercop, I am Hawk Moth. This city needs a truly ruthless righter of wrongs, and that is where you come in. I will equip you with the power to hold those who commit crimes accountable; in return, you will give me the Miraculous of Ladybug and Chat Noire.” And then Roger fell away, and then something deep within him – the unrestrained desire to exact justice against those who’d wronged him – emerged, making him grow taller while wrapping him in an indigo robotic exoskeleton. “Dad?” Sabrina gulped. The transformed Roger got out of his car. “Stay there, kiddo,” he said, his voice cold and robotic. “Daddy’s got bounties to collect.” He waved his hands and a new car, much more advanced than his current one, materialized in front of him. He got in the car and flew away, because the car just happened to be a flying one. Sabrina made a face. “I don’t like where this is going.” Luckily, she knew a workaround. Two, actually.
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Sabrina
Guys!
My dad’s been akumatized!
Marinette
Oh no!
Are you alright?
Sabrina
I’m fine, but I’m worried about him! He said something about bounties, I don’t want him to kill anyone!
Nino
having been mildly homicidal due 2 akuma can confirm you dont want that
Nathaniel
only mildly? those fangirls were trying to RAPE Adrien.
Adrien
Don’t remind me.
Anything about his powers?
Sabrina
He can make flying cars from thin air, and he looked to have some guns on his wrists. No idea what they can do.
Rose
i just saw ladybug fly past my window, she’s on her way.
Max
And I just saw Chat Noire vault over a tow truck while Rose was sending her message, she will be joining her shortly.
Sabrina
Good!
Oh, Chloe, Zoe?
Chloe
Yeah?
Zoe
What’s up?
Sabrina
Can you help them? Chat and Ladybug get things done a lot faster with you two behind the scenes.
Zoe
Will do. What do you think your dad’s most angry about?
Sabrina
He missed Career Day due to being held up at court. My guess is he’s going to jail the person he testified against himself.
Do you know which court building that was? Or where they’re holding the defendant?
Chloe
Daddy might, I’ll ask him.
Chloe switched to her phone app and dialed her father. “Daddy?” “What? Chloe, what are you doing?! I’m in a meeting!” Andre said from the other end. “Sabrina’s dad got akumatized! She thinks he’s going to put the guy he was testifying against in jail, or a grave!” “What?! Oh, that’s dreadful! We can’t have that, it goes against our right to a fair trial! What do you want me to do?” “Ask for which courtroom he was testifying in this afternoon, he’ll probably go for the judge first before going for the defense lawyer and the defendant.” “Say no more, I’ll have the Chief of Police send squads to those areas. We’ll hold him down for your superhero friends. Tell Zoe I send her my love.” “Daddy, I’m right here,” Zoe giggled. “Right! Right.” He hung up. “Being the mayor’s kids has its perks,” Chloe said as she turned her phone off. “Sure, he never shows up for Career Day, but getting the police to go after supervillains for you is awesome.” “I am so glad he got reelected last year,” Zoe agreed.“Where do you think his akuma’s hiding?” Chat asked as they watched Roger fight the Parisian police. To everyone’s considerable relief his blasters only fired handcuffs, which magically bound people’s wrists…and then forced them to do Roger’s bidding, which was not so relieving. “That suit covers everything, and I can’t Cataclysm it without risking hurting him.” “It might be his whistle,” Ladybug said. Roger blasted his whistle, prompting both girls to cover their ears as the newest of Roger’s victims started picking up trash against his will. “The blasters couldn’t have been part of his original attire, and how would Hawk Moth have an akuma possess a car?” “He’d need one really fat moth for that,” Chat agreed. “Okay, here’s the plan. Lt. Raincomprix doesn’t seem to have a limit for how many handcuffs he can make, but if we get him to make a lot of them we can try burying him in them. Handcuffs weigh a lot, and that suit looks pretty heavy. Once he’s too burdened to move we take the whistle.” “Got it.” Ladybug opened her wings and flitted away, letting Chat make herself the bait. While cats were more of a proper ambush predator than ladybugs were, Ladybug found herself doing the ambushes more often due to her wings giving her a major vertical advantage over Chat. It was easy to get the drop on someone who wasn’t used to thinking in three dimensions, after all. She gave her partner a distant nod and Chat immediately set to work provoking the bear (or pig as the case may be). “Lieutenant Raincomprix!” Roger turned his attention Chat’s way. “Someone once told me that all cops are bastards, but I don’t think that applies to you, you’re a nice guy from what I’ve heard. But I think you’re going a lit-tle too far with this self-administered justice. Put the blasters down and let’s talk this out.” “Chat Noire!” Roger bellowed. “Your crimes are as follows: vigilantism, property damage, reckless endangerment, speeding, and possession of the Black Cat Miraculous! Your punishment: community service and permanent depowerment!” He fired cuffs at her that she caught with her staff, the cuffs linking around the metal pole. “Okay, the first four I agree with, but the fifth one’s no crime. And this kitty does not like collars. Looks like it’s time to do this the hard way. HIYAH!” Chat swung her staff, which cracked against Roger’s armor. “Assaulting a police officer! Bad cat! You’re going to the pound for that!” Roger roared as he fired more cuffs at her. Chat caught them with her staff, let them slide off it, and kept fighting him. Roger became so engrossed that he didn’t notice Ladybug swooping in and piling all the cuffs into a very large mound. “Sorry, Lieutenant, but I’m gonna have to scram. I’ve got a wife and three kittens to feed,” Chat said as she danced out of the way. “Ladybug, now!” “LUCKY CHARM!” Ladybug stood behind Roger and summoned a horseshoe magnet as big as she was, and the pile of steel handcuffs quickly flew at Roger. Along with three trash cans, a bag of old nails, five of Roger’s colleagues, and Roger’s flying car. “That oughta hold him. Good thing this magnet is magic or else I wouldn’t have been able to do that.” Roger’s suit suddenly cracked open at the top, and Roger himself was ejected from it. “You will pay for that!” he shouted before realizing that he was now in his underwear, much to the amusement of the heroes. “Oh come the fuck on!” “You know you can use your superpowers to replace lost equipment, Rogercop,” Hawk Moth said through a purple visor. “Right. Sorry.” Roger waved his hands and a new suit materialized around him in a flash of indigo light. “No wonder his blasters never run out of cuffs,” Ladybug mused. Roger took the opening and fired two pairs of handcuffs at her. The first pair missed; the second one didn’t and bound her upper pair of arms behind her – and more importantly over her wings, pinning her elytra shut. “Fuck. With my arms like this I can’t fly.” “Want me to get them off?” Chat asked. “Not with Cataclysm, the normal way.” Ladybug nodded and Chat tried to take them off, only to fail. “What?!” “We tried that already,” one of Roger’s colleagues groaned from the pile. “They’re magical.” “Offfffff course they are.” “Ladybug! Your crimes are as follows: vigilantism, property damage, reckless endangerment, speeding, flying without a license, assaulting a police officer, breaking the laws of physics, and possession of the Ladybug Miraculous! Your punishment: community service and permanent depowerment! You’ll be eating a lot of berries in jail, beetle girl!” Roger declared. “Ladybugs are carnivores! They eat aphids and insect eggs!” Ladybug replied. “Hey, my daughter’s friend is the insect nerd, not me! I just try not to spray pesticides on my yard!” Ladybug’s eyes widened behind her goggles. “Wait, that’s right…think, Bug, think! What did she tell you about why ladybugs have spots?” She thought, and then she remembered. Then she grinned evilly. “Hey Rogercop, do you know why ladybugs have spots?” “No, why?” Roger asked. “Don’t just stand there, get their Miraculous!” Hawk Moth barked. As Roger advanced on her, Ladybug reached for her lower elbows with her lower set of arms. “Ladybugs have spots to tell potential predators that they’re poisonous and not worth eating. If that doesn’t work, they release their toxins in their blood through their knee joints.” “Really?” Roger asked, intrigued. “Really. So how about I give you a demonstration?!” A large bead of yellow fluid emerged from the crook of each lower elbow, which she grabbed with the opposite hand before throwing both of them at Roger. They hit him in the mouth and splattered all over his face, causing him to choke and splutter and allowing Ladybug to headbutt him to the ground before recoiling in pain and sucking air through her teeth. “Ow! Okay, do not do that to people wearing armor. Chat, get the whistle!” Chat yanked the whistle off Roger’s neck. “Cataclysm!” The moth squeezed out of the disintegrating whistle like a cat emerging from a door two sizes too small and was swiftly purified before being allowed to fly away. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said after picking up her magnet and tossing it. The Cure swarmed the world, cleaning up the sidewalk, destroying all the cuffs, and turning the flying car into a distant memory. “Awww, that sucks. I wanted to drive that car someday,” Chat pouted. “Ladybug! Chat Noire!” Alya approached them with her new microphone in one hand and her phone in the other. “You’ve saved the city once again!” “Thanks to the power of my poisonous ladybug blood!” Ladybug said before groaning in pain and clutching her stomach. “Oh, wait, there’s the anemia. Note to self, only use that power as a last resort. Bug out!” She tried to fly, but the pain made her too weak to move her wings fast enough to pick her up. “Fuck it, I’ll walk.” She power-walked away until she was no longer visible. “Chat Noire, what do you make of Hawk Moth akumatizing a police officer? Is he trying to tell us something?” Alya asked, turning to face the blonde heroine. “I don’t think so, milady,” Chat said. “I think this officer was just having a bad day and the moth was attracted to his emotions.” “More likely my daughter’s,” Roger groaned as he wobbled to his feet. “I missed Career Day at her school again, and I think that stupid bug was meant for her. Glad I’m the one who caught it instead. Thanks for saving me, Chat Noire.” “Don’t mention it. And for the record, no, I don’t think that all cops are bastards. It’s not the power that makes you evil, it’s what you do with it that does.” Her ring beeped. “Gotta go! Like and subscribe to the Ladyblog, and stay safe Streets of Paris!” She extended her pole and proceeded to yeet herself over a building. “Why did she bring that up?” Roger questioned. “I’ll explain later. What are you going to do next, Lt. Raincomprix?” Alya asked. “After a good dose of aspirin? I’m going to keep my promise.”“I've been a police officer for 15 years, and I firmly believe that every citizen is innocent until proven guilty,” Roger said as he explained his job to Ms. Bustier’s class. He went on about paperwork, going after criminals, testifying under oath, and trying to balance work with life. Sabrina smiled fondly at him all the while. “A second Career Day was a sick idea, Chloe!” Kim said after Roger finished his speech, having moved to the front of the room to get a better view. “How’d you manage to pull it off?” “Daddy had a free day on his schedule and he was interested in coming to Career Day,” Chloe replied. “And when Damocles questioned it Daddy may have suggested he’d send someone over to make sure I wasn’t getting harassed by other students over my appearance if Damocles didn’t go through with it.” “You didn’t.” “She did,” Zoe said, looking somewhat resigned. “This is not something you should use Daddy’s power for, Chlo.” “That claim of yours is ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. I did no such thing. He’s just a concerned parent who just happens to be the mayor. Speaking of which. Daddy!” Chloe broke into a grin as Andre entered the room. “Hello, my little flowers! And hello to you, students! My name is Andre Bourgeois, and I’m the Mayor of Paris for the Socialist Party. I’m currently serving out my second term until 2020 and I’d like to answer your questions,” Andre said, looking unusually alert and cheerful. “This is the most awake I’ve ever seen him,” Alix whispered to Mylene. “What the hell did the twins put in his coffee this morning?” “Affection, now shush!” Mylene raised her hand. “Mr. Mayor, what are you going to do about improving air quality? Smog’s been increasing in my neighborhood…not that you have to focus on my neighborhood specifically,” she added meekly when Andre turned her way. “An excellent question. Do you know who the biggest smog producers in your area are?” “Th-there’s a lot of construction in my area, I-I think that the construction vehicles might be making most of it.” “I’ll look into it, they might be violating emissions standards. Thanks for bringing that to my attention, no one should have to breathe foul air.” Mylene nodded, grateful for being heard. “Anybody else have a question?” Kim immediately raised his hand.“They got you too, huh?” Roger said as he and Andre left Francoise Dupont. “They did,” Andre nodded with a fond chuckle. “I’ve always been a very busy man, Roger. Even before the girls were born I had little time to myself after my work on City Council was done. My reputation for perpetual sleepiness didn’t originate from nothing, you know.” He yawned to demonstrate his point. “And the girls made you even busier.” It wasn’t a question; Roger had been friends with Andre since highschool. “Parenthood would do that for anyone, especially someone with twins. Especially if their twins have such an extreme physical handicap as theirs.” He sighed mournfully. “Especially parents whose spouses refuse to do their share of the work on the basis of something your children couldn’t help being, and then leave for another country when your daughters are still in preschool.” “I’m glad that Fabienne never thought like that about Sabrina when we found out she needed glasses,” Roger said solemnly. “I’m glad too. And I’m glad that she was there to help you raise your daughter. Raising the twins has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, even moreso than being a mayor; there’s been so much about my life that I needed to change in order to help them learn how to function in an eternal, unbreakable compromise. I’m lucky that Emilie and Gabriel were there to lend a hand back then, I’m not sure I could’ve managed it by myself.” “But you wouldn’t give it up for anything.” “I never would. My daughters are the most wonderful things I’ve ever made. They’re why you didn’t get to go as far as harming Mr. Auclair, you know; they’re the ones who told me about your condition.” Roger nodded. “They’re good kids, Andre. You’d never suspect they were hers the way they acted during Stormy Weather’s rampage.” “It’s funny you bring her up, Audrey’s seen their handiwork on that ‘Ladyblog’ website. She positively hates that they’re getting airtime for being the kind of hero that she never could be. I know this because she called me last night and yelled at me about it.” ‘You haven’t blocked her number yet?” The message didn’t need to be said. “She’s always warned me about what she’s going to do, and I’m worried she might try something if I don’t know she’s going to do it. She’s not very bright that way.” “If only I could sue someone in America for continuous harassment,” Roger grumbled. “If only,” Andre agreed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“These are some sweet coloring pages, Nath!” Nino complimented as he looked at a coloring page that Nathaniel had drawn of him as Bubbler, uncolored. “Now I get to see what I could’ve looked like in other colors!” Nathaniel laughed. “You too, huh?” “Yeah man, I was just tacky in orange, blue, and yellow. I wanna see what I could’ve looked like in green!” “Well, find some colored pencils or a paint program and you’ll find out once I upload this to the site.” Someone tapped his shoulder and he jumped. “Oh, goodness, Marinette. You scared me.” “Hey guys!” Marinette said cheerfully. “Guess what? I got a commission to make plush versions of Ladybug and Chat Noire for a charity auction! The proceeds will go to the city parks to help clean them up some more!” “No way! That’s so cool, Marinette!” Nino exclaimed. “Are they still picking up after Mr. Pigeon?” Nathaniel asked incredulously. “Not sure, actually. But no one wants a Mr. Pigeon plush yet, and I don’t blame them. Poor Mr. Ramier. He only fed the pigeons that much because he got lonely after his divorce.” “Now I feel kinda bad for laughing at all of those memes I saw of him,” Nino said. “Hey, Nath, did you–” “No. He hasn’t asked, and I won’t be asking.” Nathaniel stood up and put his phone into his skirt pocket. “It’s his right to use his image as he sees fit, and if he doesn’t want to be reminded of how he got akumatized then I won’t remind him. It wasn’t like Nino or Ivan or Alix’s transformations, which were caused by legitimate grievances; Mr. Ramier brought his akumatization on himself by breaking the law. I’m not going to merchandise that.” He heard jeering from nearby and sighed. “Oh, great, they’re back.” “Look at that, you guys! A boy, a girl, and a fa–” began a boy from one of the eighth grade classes, two of his friends snickering behind him. “Hey! Not cool, man!” Nino snapped, standing up. “Nathaniel can dress however he wants to dress! Including in an actual dress!” “Yeah, mind your own business!” Marinette added sharply. “Besides, I know what that word you were going to say is, and that’s hate speech!” “Name one person who’ll get me in trouble for that!” scoffed the eighth-grader. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly name one person who could do that,” Marinette said with a knowing smirk. “But I can name two.” The eighth-graders turned around to see Chloe and Zoe standing behind them, looking downright murderous as Chloe palmed her fists threateningly while Zoe had her hand on her hip. They screamed and ran away. “And don’t come back!” Chloe shouted after them. “Kurtzeburg, what did they do?” “Nothing, nothing, they’re just the standard pubescent boys unable to understand that gendering clothes is stupid,” Nathaniel said as he looked himself over with a weary sigh. He was in a lolita sort of mood that day, and his attire showed that perfectly: black blouse with poofy sleeves, a blue plaid skirt of four layers, dark blue hair bow, heavy black eyeshadow, lipstick, and nail polish, and black sneakers with white soles and laces (it was gym day, after all). “Some people are just jerks.” “Ignore them, you look fine. Cute, even,” Marinette said, a statement that made him flush under his blush. “Yeah, ignore them. Let my friend Nathaniel be pretty!” Zoe added. “Anyway, we might wanna table this for now and prepare for science, I heard Ms. Mendeleiev’s making us do projects on particle physics.” “Aw, what?! That’s college stuff!” Nino griped. Nathaniel’s expression showed how much he agreed with him. “I don’t think it’s going to be the hard stuff, just the basics,” Marinette said. “Let’s just hope it’s a group project, though, I only have the one brain.” “Me too, even with two brains on hand I don’t think we can understand that stuff,” Chloe agreed. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” “The second brain agrees,” Zoe quipped. “Ridiculous.” “You will be working in groups of three to document the properties and history of discovery of a class of subatomic particles of my choosing, to be presented this Friday,” Mendeleiev said at the end of her class that day. “There are fifteen of you, so there will be five groups: quarks, leptons, hadrons, vector bosons, and the newly-discovered Higgs boson. I will choose the groups myself.” Chloe raised her left hand. “Ms. C. Bourgeois?” “Ms. Mendeleiev, I’d like to remind you that my sister and I will need to be in the same group for obvious reasons,” Chloe said. “Request granted. You’re both with Kurtzeburg, and you’re all on vector bosons.” Chloe nodded, satisfied, and put her hand down. “Now then. Raincomprix, Lahiffe, and Bruel, you’re on leptons. Agreste, Dupain-Cheng, and Cesaire, you’re on quarks. Couffaine, Le Chien, and Kante, you’re on hadrons. And Kubdel, Harprele, and Lavillant, you’re on the Higgs. Class dismissed.” As the kids got up, the toe of Nathaniel’s sneaker caught on the wheel of his chair and he tripped, falling on his side with a yelp. His sketches fell out of his bag and sprawled onto the floor. “Nathaniel!” Rose cried as she rushed to his side. “Speak to me!” “He’s not dead, Rose,” Juleka pointed out. “I’m fine,” Nathaniel groaned as he pulled himself up. “Skirt broke my fall.” Then he saw Ms. Mendeleiev snapping over and picking up his drawings, and his eyes widened. “Mr. Kurtzeburg,” she said with a dangerous glare as she looked him dead in the eye, “were you drawing in my class?” “N-no, Ms. Mendeleiev,” he squeaked. “He wasn’t, those were from lunch, I was there when he made them,” Alix interjected. “I see. Apologies, Mr. Kurtzeburg. One must always make sure that her students are paying attention at all times. Otherwise, how can they learn?” She gave him his drawings back and let him leave, not noticing how much he tried to shrink into his blouse from how his classmates were staring at him. “Why meeeee,” Nathaniel whined as he flopped onto the Bourgeois twins’ couch. “Drama queen,” Chloe snorted. “The only reason you don’t do that yourself is that I won’t let you,” Zoe replied before turning as best she could to face Nathaniel. “It’s okay, Nathaniel, we all have our off days. Take it from us, we’ve tripped more than anyone else in the class. Except for Marinette, that is. No one’s tripped more than Marinette.” “How she’s even able to function without going to the hospital or dentist more than twice a year is beyond me,” her sister remarked. “Anyway, let’s get this dumb presentation done quickly, there’s a movie premiere at eight with our names on it.” “We can’t finish a whole presentation on…victor bosuns in three hours, Chloe,” Zoe said. “We haven’t even looked at the rubric yet.” “It’s ‘vector bosons’, Zoe.” “Whatever.” Nathaniel sat up. “Yeah, let’s get this done, or closer to it at least. Can I use your bathroom first though? I need to pee.” “Sure. Be careful, our toilet’s custom,” Chloe warned. “Custom?” Nathaniel asked himself as he left for the bathroom and shut the door behind him. “Ohhhh. Right, you have three legs.” Nathaniel did his business, flushed, then started washing his hands…and then purple smog started billowing out from under the door. “Hawk Moth!” Zoe cried. “At least he waited until Nathaniel had his pants up,” Chloe snarked. “Well, skirt, but same difference.” They hobbled to the door and opened it to find their bathroom empty of all signs of Nathaniel, their custom Y-shaped toilet still in one piece, save for a strange white portal in the middle of the room. “If this is another time-travel villain I am going to find where Hawk Moth lives and I am going to bite him,” Zoe seethed. “Good thing we didn’t take our shoes off yet,” Chloe observed. They went to their room, grabbed their respective purses, then returned to their bathroom and entered the portal.They exited the portal right next to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. “Well, at least it’s somewhere paved,” Chloe said. “And current,” Zoe added. “But where’s Nathaniel?” “Probably up there with the dragon.” “Yeah, probably– wait, dragon?!” Chloe grabbed Zoe’s chin with her left hand and directed her gaze upwards, where a massive yellow dragon the length of a jumbo jet was flying lazy circles above the Parisian skyline, much to the fear of most of the population. In the middle of the circle was a small figure resembling a mime with purple skin and a familiar shock of dyed-red hair. “Holy shit.” “You cursed, this must be serious.” The twins jumped when they saw Ladybug next to them. “Hey girls. Do you recognize the person up there?” “Yeah, it’s Nathaniel. He uh, he wasn’t doing so well today.” “Hawk Moth akumatized him in our bathroom. Jerk,” Chloe growled. “I can see why he’d be upset, today’s his birthday,” Ladybug said. “It is?!” Zoe took out her phone and checked the date. “It is! Chloe, we fucked up! We missed Nathaniel’s birthday!” “It’s not your fault you missed it, he doesn’t like to celebrate it. He thinks it’s unlucky, and the way today went he might be onto something.” They raised their eyebrows at her. “Your classmate Marinette told me about what happened to him at school when I stopped by to scope him out, that’s why I’m here at the bakery. Alya ran off to film Nathaniel and Adrien had to take a call from his dad, so I thought she needed some company. Ended up getting a lot more than that.” She looked up at the dragon, which Nathaniel was now petting like a giant lizardy dog. “Alright, I guess he must be a reality warper of some considerable power. I wish Chat was here already. Where is that damn cat?” “Right here!” Chat said, strolling over with her staff over her shoulders. “You wound me, milady, I am not that damn cat, I am THE damn cat. I’m the entire animal shelter.” “Keep up the boasting and I’m getting the spray bottle,” Chloe threatened. “Do you know what Kurtzeburg wants?” “Nope, I think he’s just enjoying himself right now. Hold on…something’s wrong.” The girls looked up and saw the dragon turning in a particular direction. Nathaniel gave it a nod and it opened its mouth, letting out a blast of yellow-white energy at something on the ground. People screamed. The group’s eyes widened. “Nathaniel might’ve killed someone!” Ladybug exclaimed. Without a word she picked up the twins and opened her elytra. “Follow that dragon!”“I was wondering how long it would be for you to show up,” Alya said when the heroes (and the twins) arrived by her side. “Nice ride, C and Z!” “Thanks,” Ladybug said as she set the twins on their feet. “Is anybody hurt?” “Aside from their egos? Nope! Take a look!” Alya pointed at where the embers of Nathaniel’s dragonfire still flickered and stifled a laugh. “I’m wearing a dress!” cried one of the eighth-grade boys who’d been bullying Nathaniel that afternoon, who was dressed like a gothic lolita complete with pink wig. “I’m practicing what I preach against!” cried another boy, who was wearing a girl’s private school uniform complete with plaid skirt. “I’m learning empathy! Save yourselves!” wept the third, the one who’d nearly called Nathaniel a very not-so-nice word, who was now wearing the sparkliest purple dress and high heels that the girls had ever seen. “Is it weird that I think they actually look better like that?” Zoe asked. “Those must be the boys who made fun of Nathaniel over how he dressed that day,” Ladybug deduced. “His dragon’s fire doesn’t kill people, it curses them to become the thing they fear the most. Like being a decent human being.” “He must be going after everyone who hurt his feelings today,” Chat realized. “Poor guy. Who do you think is next?” “Ms. Mendeleiev, our science teacher!” Alya gasped. “She nearly gave him detention over having his drawings out in class! And I speak from personal experience when I say that woman’s angry face could akumatize Jesus.” “Do you know where she lives? We need to find her before he does.” “We have the school directory in our room, we can text the address to Alya and she can tell you where it is,” Chloe said. “But be careful, he can make portals. He figures out where she lives and he’ll beat you there in an instant.” “I’ll fly you home,” Ladybug said. “Well, to your portal at least. Will you be joining us?” “One, no, we don’t want Hawk Moth seeing us. Two, it’s a school night, and we’re already behind on Ms. Mendeleiev’s stupid project. What even is a vector boson?” “Any elementary subatomic particle with a spin of 1, the category to which the bosons carrying the strong & weak nuclear forces along with electromagnetism belong.” Everyone stared at Chat, who raised her hackles defensively. “What?! I like this stuff, sue me!” “You’d get along with Adrien like a house on fire, Marinette told me he really likes particle physics too,” Ladybug remarked. No one noticed Chat’s hackles rising ever-so-slightly higher.Half an hour later, Olga Mendeleiev was finishing some grading when she heard someone tap at her window. “Damned squirrels.” Getting a broom, she went to the window to shoo the rodents she thought were there away, only to see Nathaniel, dressed like the French stereotype, inside her house, a white portal sandwiching her dining room window. The purple complexion his skin had adopted suggested that he’d been akumatized, a process that Olga still told herself couldn’t possibly be scientific (and yet it was, for this universe’s laws of science included a few laws of magic). “Kurtzeburg?” “Hi,” Nathaniel said. “I’m the Evillustrator. I’m here to draw you something.” “I don’t have time for this, I’ve got work to do.” “Time. Time’s a funny thing, isn’t it?” Nathaniel retrieved a futuristic-looking pencil from under his beret and set to work drawing something on the air itself. “What is time, anyway?” “The degree of change in a physical quantity used to determine the duration of an event.” “No, see, you don’t quite get it. Because the human mind simply can’t get how much time there is.” He finally showed her what he’d been drawing: a little golden sliver. “This is a second,” he said. “You can count to one, and this is one second.” The sliver expanded to a sixth. “This is ten seconds.” The circle completed and another began. “This is a hundred seconds.” More circles. “A thousand.” The circles multiplied again, this time a thousandfold, forming a wall big enough to hide Nathaniel. “This is a million seconds. You’d need to count nonstop for eleven-and-a-half days to count this far.” “Nathaniel,” Olga warned. “Here’s a billion.” The room suddenly filled with golden circles and two-thirds circles. “Thirty-one years and eight months.” The entire apartment. “A trillion seconds, over thirty-one thousand and seven hundred years.” Then the floor of the building where the apartment was. “A quadrillion. About thirty-one-point-seven million years.” The building. “A quintillion. About thirty-one-point-seven billion years, which is roughly two-and-a-half times older than the universe itself. But that’s still not enough time.” Olga suddenly found herself in a pure white void on top of the ever-growing golden pile. “A sextillion.” The pile grew to the size of a town. “By this point most of the stars in the universe have burned out. A septillion.” The size of a country. “Six hundred of these and bismuth decays. An octillion.” The size of a planet. “A nonillion.” The size of a star. “A decillion.” The width of a planet’s orbit. “And there’s still larger numbers out there.” A hand grabbed at her ankle and dragged her into the pile, where she came face-to-face with a giant version of Nathaniel’s head. “And here’s our natural life expectancies.” Three rooms’ worth of gold surrounded her. “Don’t you see? Time is massive. Time is infinite. Time is EVERLASTING!” He sneered at her. “And our lives are so short compared to it that the universe won’t even know we were born or died. Our lives are, to the universe, insignificant clips. And you may have poo-pooed art because without science, art has no eyes, but it works both ways, Ms. Mendeleiev: without art, science has no “Voice.” And then the coins were replaced with a cacophony of colors and sounds, of simulated destruction and creation, with images of the biggest and smallest things in the universe dancing as one. The simulation ended. Olga found herself shivering on the floor in a way she hadn’t done since she was a small child in Soviet Russia. Nathaniel smiled. “Are you done now?” Hawk Moth asked through a purple visor. “I’m done. I’ll work on your commission now. By the way, what do you even need them for?” “I don’t have to tell you that.” “I dunno, man, reality-warping jewelry seems like a pretty big thing to ask a guy to risk his life for.” Nathaniel paused. “Hold on, do I feel a draft?” He looked down at his waist and realized that there was a rope tied around his waist – a rope colored a familiar red with black polka dots. Also, he wasn’t inside Ms. Mendeleiev’s apartment anymore, rather he was outside of it dangling in midair. “Rule number one of being a villain: don’t monologue,” Ladybug, the other end of the rope in her arms, grinned from above him. “Rule number two: don’t leave your portals open long enough for the heroes to use them! Hand over the akumatized item, Nathaniel!” “No chance!” Nathaniel took out his pencil and sketched a giant pair of scissors, which came to life and floated in midair menacingly, snapping its blades like an angry metal crab. “One step closer and I’ll cut it!” His dragon roared a threat from behind them. “Nathaniel, you’re twenty meters above the ground. You’d fall and die unless you got your dragon to catch you, and your dragon’s a bit far away at the moment.” “I would?” Nathaniel asked, finally registering how high up he was. “Yeah,” Chat said as she arrived, one hand around her staff while it extended up to where Ladybug was holding Nathaniel in place. “You would.” She snatched the pencil with her free hand before Nathaniel could call over his dragon. “Cataclysm.” The pencil disintegrated, leaving a goopy moth in her hand. Chat descended using her staff, then purified it. “Run along, now. Or fly, whichever works.” The moth flew away and Chat wiped her goopy hand on her pants. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said as she tossed the rope once back on terra firma. Nathaniel turned back to normal, his constructs disappeared, and Olga Mendeleiev magically stopped having an existential crisis in her living room. “You okay, Nathaniel?” she asked after setting him on the ground. He sighed. “No, I’m not. Talk about an unlucky birthday. This is exactly why I don’t like celebrating it. Every year some series of jerks decides to ruin it.” Chat and Ladybug exchanged a worried look. “I just wanna go back to the Bourgeois twins’ hotel and work on my homework. That okay?” “That’s okay,” Ladybug nodded. Her ears beeped. “I’ll be going now. Take care.” And she and Chat Noire disappeared. “Damn,” Nathaniel sighed. “Should’ve asked for a ride to the Grand Paris. How am I going to find a cab at this hour?” Suddenly, a limousine pulled up. Zoe rolled down the window. “Get in,” she said firmly. “Awfully forward of you, Zoe.” Zoe blushed a bit but said nothing as he joined her in the car. “Where are we going?” “To the hotel,” Chloe explained. “Obviously.” Nathaniel nodded and gave a weary sigh, expecting that response.He had not been expecting the yellow-frosted sheet cake with his name doodled on it in red that the twins sprung on him in their kitchen. “Happy birthday, Nathaniel!” Zoe said. “We felt bad for missing it; well, I felt bad, and then Chloe was forced to feel bad too since, y’know, same bloodstream.” “Dupain-Cheng’s mom told us you liked lemon,” Chloe said. “W-wow, I uh, thanks. I’ve uh, I haven’t celebrated my birthday like this since I came out in fifth grade,” Nathaniel said, flattered by the gesture. “Everyone’s just been after me ever since.” “Take it from us, we’re not fond of our birthday either,” Zoe replied. “Our mother’s reaction to seeing us was literally ‘Oh my god, it’s hideous!’ To her own babies!” “And coming out didn’t exactly win us any brownie points with the people who already see us as freaks,” Chloe grumbled. “Coming out?” he asked. “Wait, you’re also–” “When you look like we do you’d be a dumbass to limit your dating pool to only one sex and gender,” the blonde said flatly. “We’re pan like you are, only more useless since we’re also polyamorous. Nothing evil about that or anything, mind you, we’re just trying to expand our options since, y’know, the obvious reason.” “I’m also polyamorous, Chloe. I’m just, well…quieter about it.” “You shouldn’t have to be. You’re the best artist we know and you understand boundaries, it’s not right for people to shut you up just because you like boys as well as girls or sometimes like to wear a skirt. It’s a fucking double-standard, really, Alya can wear flannel and jeans all the time but a boy can’t wear a dress and heels if he wants to? Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” Nathaniel smiled as he stuck his fist out. “Couldn’t agree with you more. To being freaks.” “To being freaks,” the twins chorused before returning the fist-bump. “Now let’s have some cake and start this stupid project, I still have no idea what a vector boson is,” Zoe said. “Y’know, I think I might have an idea for our presentation. To really make it ‘pop’.” The twins leaned closer, interested.“Thank you, Mr. Agreste, Ms. Cesaire, and Ms. Dupain-Cheng,” Mendeleiev said that Friday. “Now, Ms. C. Bourgeois, Ms. Z. Bourgeois, and Mr. Kurtzeburg, it is your turn. And try not to give me another vision of my own mortality.” “I’m still not entirely sure what I did in there,” Nathaniel muttered to himself. “Okay, give us a second to get it into the room.” He left Mendeleiev’s classroom and his classmates started muttering to themselves. All, that is, except for two, a certain pair of conjoined twins who propped open the door to let Nathaniel wheel in a large easel covered in a white cloth. “We have a written portion, but it’s as Nathaniel supposedly said when Hawk Moth got him,” Zoe said. “Without art, science can’t speak, and our picture can speak about this a lot better than we can. I didn’t even know what a vector boson was when we got this assignment, but thanks to some helpful images online I understand it…well, as much as a fourteen-year-old without a math degree can,” she amended. Nathaniel removed the cloth with a flourish and their classmates gawked at the elaborate painting. It was divided into three parts, and Nathaniel took his spot at the left section where a white squiggly line hit a white triangle and split into seven squiggles colored red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, and violet, each line ending in a circle marked with a black γ. “Bosons are particles with whole-integer spins, which means they can occupy the same physical space as other bosons. Vector bosons all have spins of 1, and they’re responsible for three of our fundamental forces.” He pointed at his section – his piece. “Electromagnetism is the force that lets charged particles interact with each other. We can actually see these interactions since the particles that carry electromagnetism – photons – are the same ones that make up light. Photons have no mass, and ironically for the carriers of electric charge don’t actually have any electric charge themselves. Because they have no mass, they can move at the fastest speeds in the universe – almost thirty MILLION meters per second!” Chloe went next and pointed at the middle section of the painting, which featured numerous triads of red, neon green, and blue dots connected by multicolored strings, each string labeled g, along with a few triads of yellow, cyan, and pink, a few pairs of neon green & pink and yellow & blue, and a set of two strings and a set of three strings stuck together with not a dot to be seen. “The strong nuclear force is the force that sticks quarks and antiquarks together into hadrons,” she said. “It’s carried by gluons, which give a sort of ‘color charge’ to quarks that force them to stick together to balance the color charges out. Gluons, like photons, have no mass and no charge, but the energy they carry accounts for most of a hadron’s mass, and you can make quarks by smashing gluons together at high speeds. Leptons don’t interact with gluons, but gluons can interact with themselves; these quarkless hadrons are called glueballs, and candidates have been found in the last two years.” Zoe went last, pointing to the right section of the painting where numerous dots of various colors smashed into each other or split like old fruit, all of them leaking variously-colored fluids labeled either W+, W-, or Z that bubbled to make newer, smaller dots. “The weak nuclear force is the force that lets heavy fermions decay into lighter ones,” she said. “Its range is bigger than the strong force’s, but it’s not infinite like electromagnetism’s is. The weak force is carried by the W and Z bosons, which unlike the photon and gluon have mass – a lot of mass; the W bosons are as massive as an atom of krypton, and the Z boson’s as massive as an atom of technetium. W bosons have charges and are made whenever a particle decays in a way that changes its charge; if the particle’s charge goes up by one, a W- boson is made, and if the particle’s charge goes down by one, a W + boson is made. Beta decay is an example of W bosons at work, changing protons into neutrons or neutrons into protons and changing the atom’s element as a result, with the W bosons decaying into electrons or positrons and a neutrino or antineutrino. The Z boson has no charge and is a lot rarer, mostly showing up when neutrinos collide to let them exchange energy.” “I must say, this is hardly a conventional way to make a presentation,” Mendeleiev said. “However, I can tell that you enjoyed working together and it appears it has helped you retain your lessons better. Perhaps Mr. Kurtzeburg had a point. I still expect a written presentation, however.” “We’ve got a printed version of the script, do you want it now or later?” “Now would be preferable, Ms. Z. Bourgeois. Thank you, you three. Now remove the painting so the next group can go.” While Zoe retrieved the printed version of their assignment, Nathaniel couldn’t stop smiling as he wheeled their painting back to the art room. Thanks to the twins he’d not only had the best birthday he’d had in years, but he’d miraculously (heh) managed to get on Ms. Mendeleiev’s good side. All he had to do was keep up with the workload, which he could manage; science was fun if you could visualize it. And, judging by the somewhat panicked look Nino had as he, Ivan, and Sabrina were called up next, perhaps that’s what his classmates needed.
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“Booyah!” Marinette cackled as her avatar, a pink robot with angel-like wings and four arms, punted her opponent’s avatar, which looked like a silver mechanical owl with an extendable neck, off the platform. “And Needlemistress wins again! Who’s the mecha? I’M the mecha!” “Okay, okay, we get it!” her opponent laughed over her microphone, her French noticeably accented with another language that Marinette couldn’t quite place. “You’re certainly the best Mecha Strike player we’ve ever faced.” “So far,” countered another girl. Her accent was much easier to recognize; Marinette’s grandmother spoke Italian and Marinette recognized the distinctive Neapolitan lilt in the other girl’s voice. “With three million players online at any given time we might find Needlemistress’ match just yet.” “Who knows, CeriseBianca? Anyway, I gotta go, lunch is almost over. See you later!” “You too, Sparrow!” Marinette looked at the clock and paled. “Crap! I gotta do my homework before it’s time for dinner. It was nice playing with you again!” “You mostly just kicked my ass, but it was still fun,” CeriseBianca laughed. “See you!”The next day Marinette decided to go to the school library during lunch to find something worth reading. She found a book that she thought would be interesting, but as she grabbed it the friction between its cover and that of the book to its left brought out its neighbor too. Said neighbor quickly fell on Marinette’s head with a sharp SMACK!, causing her to let out an indignant squawk. “Marinette!” Rose rushed over. “Are you alright?!” “I’m fine, Rose, nothing’s injured but my pride,” Marinette groaned. “What are you doing here anyway? You hardly ever go to the library during lunch.” “Yeah, normally I prefer to eat outside where I can get some sun. Vitamin D deficiency, y’know,” Rose admitted. “But today’s special.” “How so?” Marinette then tilted her head when she heard a familiar sound. “Is that…” “Yep! Follow me!” Rose led Marinette to a large study room where a projector screen was on the wall and chairs & computers filled the room. Inside, Adrien was playing Ultimate Mecha Strike 3 against Kim, Adrien’s avatar resembling a humanoid orange tabby cat while Kim’s was green and had a prehensile tail ending in a blade, the rest of their class looking on in interest. “What…” Marinette began. “Alya, what’s going on?” “Max got into the Paris Ultimate Mecha Strike Three Tournament!” Alya, recording the match with her phone, said gleefully. “And since the tournament’s team-based he’s taking one of us with him in order to qualify! So we’re trying to see who can get the closest to Max’s score, only Adrien’s been mopping the floor with everyone.” “Oh! Cool. I didn’t know Adrien played.” “He’s been obsessed with that game ever since Mecha Strike One came out ten years ago with only eight characters,” Chloe scoffed fondly. “Not that we’ve ever played it.” “Why not? It’s fun.” “Marinette,” Zoe said slowly, “you need two hands to play the game. I only have one, remember?” “And my left arm’s mounted the wrong way to make handling a console for an hour any fun,” Chloe added. “Oh. Right.” Marinette looked at the front of the room, where Kim’s motions were getting more erratic. “How desperate is Kim to beat Adrien? He seems like he’s about to faint with how hard he’s mashing buttons.” “You know Kim, Mari,” Alix said with a roll of her eyes. “Everything’s a competition to him. Especially the actual ones.” “I just hope he doesn’t get mad if he loses,” Rose gulped. As if on cue, Adrien finally beat Kim’s avatar with a slash of the claws, knocking the monkey-like robot off the platform. Adrien’s final score flashed on the screen: 10381, not far behind Max’s 12392. “Dude!” Kim exclaimed. “You’re almost as big a champ as Max is! It has been my honor to get my ass kicked by you.” He bowed to Adrien. “Now be nice to Max in the tournament or I’ll refuse to let you use my notes for an entire month.” “Since when did anyone use your notes, Kim?” Alix scoffed. Kim flipped her off with a grin. “Fuck you, my notes are amazing. I’ve got the prettiest handwriting in the entire class.” “He’s not wrong about that,” Ivan remarked. “Well, that’s everyone done.” “Not everyone, Ivan,” Juleka said quietly. “Marinette hasn’t played yet.” Everyone looked her way, particularly Max, and Marinette gulped. “Marinette,” Max said, “do you want to play against one of us to see if you’re eligible?” “N-no thanks, Max,” Marinette said. “How come?” he asked, confused. “I certainly understand why the twins didn’t play, nor would they likely be eligible regardless since the rules state I can only take one person, not two. But there shouldn’t be anything stopping you from competing.” “I-it’s not that, Max,” Marinette said, backing away defensively. “I-I don’t want to get in your way, i-it wouldn’t be fair.” His brow furrowed in a way that suggested hurt. “Fair? How so?” “W-well, I, um–” As if by magic Marinette’s foot snagged the worst thing it could’ve possibly snagged: the cable at the back of the room that connected the overhead lights & computers to the power grid. The room went dark as she went backwards and the cable’s plug popped out of the outlet, the computers blacking out in an instant. “Oh, no,” Nino gulped. “Your scores…they’re all gone.” No one could see him that well in the darkness, but Max turned as white as a sheet. He ran out of the room as best he could, then fled the library. “Max!” Kim and Alix cried. “Marinette, are you alright?” Adrien asked. “I dunno, I think I hit my head again,” Marinette groaned. She fumbled around for the cable, tried to plug it back in, shocked herself (“Ow!”), and then succeeded. The room lit up. “Ugggh…poor Max…” “Poor you,” Sabrina tsked. “Let’s get you to the nurse’s office, I need to make sure you don’t have a concussion. And we’ll want that electrical burn looked at too.” Marinette looked at the blister forming on her fingertip and sighed. “What’s another scar?” she muttered. “Kim, go get Max. Rose…get me some ice.”After Marinette had been taken to the nurse’s office, Chloe sighed loudly. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” “Chloe!” Alya scolded. “Marinette’s legit hurt!” “Not that! You were recording the games the whole period, right?! And I’m pretty sure the Mecha Strike site records your scores! Either way, there’s a record of your scores that the tournament operators can find, so Kante shouldn’t have to worry about not taking Adrikins to that tournament, or not being able to go himself for that matter!” “She’s right, they keep your scores forever,” Adrien recalled. “I still know my score from my first Mecha Strike Two game: 503.” “But Nino said–” Mylene began before it hit her. Everyone looked at Nino, who winced. “In my defense I didn’t know about the server thing,” he said apologetically. “My mom doesn’t let me play games that need an online account, she’s always worried I’ll get hacked or something.” “And Chloe’s right, I did record everything, so even if their servers fuck up I’ve got Max and Adrien’s scores on tape,” Alya sighed. “Shit. Someone should tell Max that we made him worry for nothing.” “I’ll get him,” Alix said. “Might as well check to see how Kim’s calming him down.” Before she could leave, however, Kim ran into the room. “Whoa! Kim, what happened?!” “Hawk Moth happened! There was this purple smoke, and then Max turned into something outta a techno show!” Kim panted. “Then what?” Adrien asked, looking ready to run. “He made this giant pyramid thingy and people are getting sucked into it! He’s already gotten Aurore, and Ms. Bustier, and the janitor–” A green square appeared under his feet and disappeared him mid-rant in a flurry of pixels. “Everyone, leave the room in a calm and orderly fashion,” Sabrina said. “And leave some extra room for the twins since they’re slower on their feet.” “But what about Marinette?” Mylene asked. “The nurse should be able to look after her, now let’s get moving before we get taken too!” Alix declared. As they left the room they were joined by several other classes running around in a panic. In the midst of the commotion Adrien was able to slip away, although his absence wouldn’t go unnoticed for long.Once the coast was clear Marinette pressed her left earring. Tikki materialized in a puff of red smoke and the smell of fresh gingerbread cookies. “Marinette!” the little goddess cried, putting her upper pair of hands to her mouth. “Are you alright?” “I’m…owwww…akuma…” Marinette groaned. “Need to go and fight…” “I’m not sending you out there like that, Marinette. Heroes with head injuries and supervillains don’t mix.” “Then make a healing item with your magic and fix me...” “I can’t. My powers are restricted by my Miraculous, remember? I can only make magical healing items if you’re transformed, and you’re not experienced enough to do that yet.” Tikki tapped her chin in thought. “But I do know a Kwami who might be able to help. His name’s Orikko, he’s the Kwami of Pretension and the inhabitant of the Chicken Miraculous. He can enhance anything you can do to supernatural extremes, that should include healing if my memory’s not mistaken. But I’ll need to transform someone to get him back to you, I don’t want to be travelling with his Miraculous out in the open.” “Ask the twins,” Marinette said. “I trust them not to misuse your power. Just don’t let them know how you got your Miraculous to them so fast.” Tikki nodded and detached her Miraculous from Marinette’s ears, then placed her left hands on Marinette’s forehead. “Stay safe, Marinette. Get some rest.” “Not like I can do much else,” her champion sighed.“I can’t believe we lost Adrien!” Zoe cried, having left their classmates when they’d noticed Adrien had disappeared. “We’re the worst friends in the world!” “He’d better be hiding in a bathroom or something!” Chloe growled. “If he got abducted by Max I’ll…I’ll…I’ll cry. I’ll cry because I don’t know what Max is going to do to him.” “Not to worry, girls! Adrien is fine, cowering on a toilet.” The twins stared at the little red goddess phasing through a wall with something in her fingerless hands. “Hi there, I’m Tikki! I’m Ladybug’s Kwami! Ladybug’s not able to transform right now, she kinda…fell.” “That makes sense,” Zoe nodded. “Ladybug is crazy graceful, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s entirely because of the magic. So what do you need us for?” “I need you to transform and take me to Master Fu’s so I can get the Chicken Miraculous. I’ll explain more there.” She showed them her Miraculous. “Oh no, I am not wearing earrings!” Zoe protested. “Zoe has a…thing about piercings,” Chloe explained. “My thing is that they’re totally gross! I’m not sticking a hole through my flesh just to wear some itchy piece of metal!” “Not to worry, Zoe. A Miraculous can change its own shape just as easily as it changes its user’s.” Tikki’s blue eyes glowed pink and the earrings stuck themselves together into a single spotted bead, a black cord snaking out of its poles to turn them into a hair tie. “Will this work?” “That’s perfect! But which one of us is gonna wear it? We have two scalps, after all.” “Stick it around my left hand, it’s in the middle of our body so it’s fairest that way,” Chloe said. Tikki did so, using the Miraculous as a makeshift bracelet. “Activation?” “‘Spots on’ for transformation and ‘Spots off’ for detransformation. You know about my powers already, and I use cookies to recharge.” The twins nodded, then shouted “SPOTS ON!” and were bathed in red light.Chat Noire used her staff to smash another portal that tried to swallow her up. “Plagg, I am so glad we can do this!” she said to herself. “I’m giving you double camembert once we get home, maybe even a little epoisses! Wait, no, I’ve got a photoshoot after school. We’ll get epoisses later.” “Chat Noire!” Chat looked up and saw Alya waving her over. “Have you made any attempt to find out what Max wants?” “I have no idea what he wants, Alya,” Chat said as she scampered Alya’s way. They looked up at the black pyramid the size of a city block hovering a hundred feet above the Parisian skyline. “No one’s leaving it; why, I don’t know. But I do know that I can’t stand still for long or else I’m going up to the big pound in the sky. Emphasis on ‘big’.” “Well, the twins seem to be a no-show, they’re probably still inside since they can’t run very fast. So how about I go in there and record?” “You’d do that?” “I’m a journalist, it’s my duty to make the people of Paris feel safe by finding things out. And you’ll be helped out too by my literal inside scoop.” Alya saw a portal come her way and immediately jumped on it. “See you inside!” she said before being pixelated. “Where are you, milady?” Chat said, worried, before smashing another portal.Fu left his parlor room and his jaw dropped. Standing opposite him were the Bourgeois twins doing their best impression of Ladybug. Their outfit was similar to Marinette’s: black on the front, red with black spots on the back, arms, thighs, and boots, black collar with white accents, red goggles with black spots and dimpled lenses covering solid black eyes, and red antennae headbands, although their shade of red was considerably more orange. Their hair had turned black, with Chloe’s in a single bun and Zoe’s in twin buns. They also had a wing-pack and an extra outer arm for each twin, the inner wings fused, and Zoe now had her own right arm sprouting next to Chloe’s left – an arm whose hand she was currently using to pick the inside of her right ear while wearing a very relaxed expression. “I have never been able to properly scratch in there,” Zoe sighed in delight as she busily cleaned her ear. She stopped when she saw Fu’s confused expression and quickly stood to attention. “O-oh! Hi Mr. Fu! Um, Ladybug had an accident and Tikki says we need the Chicken Miraculous for some reason.” Fu relaxed. “I see. Did Ladybug tell you who she is?” “Was she supposed to?” He sighed. “The Ladybug and Black Cat traditionally know each other’s face to prepare for the possibility that one of them turns to evil. Personally, I prefer less secrecy between Miraculous partners since it improves their trust in each other. But Chat Noire’s situation is delicate, so their Kwamis and I have agreed that they will have to wait. As for Ladybug, she is under no such restriction, unless it is mental on her side.” “Chat Noire’s trans, isn’t she?” Chloe asked. Fu blinked. “What makes you say that?” “When Alix got akumatized we came across an alternate timeline where Chat’s hero form was a boy. Her reaction implied that her secret identity might be living as a boy in this timeline, and we know the Miraculous change your appearance.” He nodded. “She is. She doesn’t know it yet herself, but Plagg’s seen her soul. Don’t tell her or Ladybug, it’s not your secret to tell.” “Trust me, Mr. Fu, with all the jeers we’ve gotten for our body we are NEVER doing that to somebody else,” Chloe said firmly. “Now can we meet the tiny rooster already? Kante’s giant metal pyramid scheme of doom is eating our class as we speak.” “Right, the villain. This way, girls.”Max had stopped taking new prisoners for the moment, so Chat decided to take a break and look at Alya’s stream. “Looks like it’s my turn!” Alya said as she reached the front of the line. “Wish me luck!” The doors opened and Chat saw Max. His skin was pale purple, he wore a green butterfly-shaped visor, and he was covered in a black outfit with toxic green accents. “Alya Cesaire, welcome. I am Gamer,” he said, his voice carrying a mechanical whine. “Tell her to turn off the camera! I don’t want Ladybug and Chat Noire seeing you!” Hawk Moth barked through a second, purple visor over Max’s green one. “Clearly he’s taking those villainy lessons to heart,” Chat mused. “Sorry, Hawk Moth, but you can’t hurt me,” Max said smugly. Hawk Moth fumed. “Just defeat her quickly and get Chat Noire in here.” “I’ll do you one better.” Chat Noire found herself getting pixelated and stuck at the end of a line of kidnapped people. “There, she’ll be coming. Are you happy?” “Yes, I am. Now try to find Ladybug!” Max tried to focus on Ladybug’s magic signature with a holographic display emerging from his glasses, only to get an error message. “Strange. The sensors seem to be detecting her twice. I’ll reboot them and pass the time by challenging Alya.” Alya suddenly found herself inside the cockpit of a giant robot that walked on all fours, had an exhaust pipe for a tail, and had a long snout full of sharp teeth. “Alright, The Scavenger!” she whooped as she plugged her phone into the cockpit. “Prepare to taste exhaust, Gamer-Boy!” “I have a streak of 27,” Max replied as he left his station and summoned his own robot, the pyramidal Maxiclass. “I don’t intend to break it. Rules are the same in the tournament: once you ring out at Level 4, you don’t come back.” Alya gulped.“At ease, private!” Orikko, who took the form of a yellow-orange humanoid rooster with orange tail feathers and crest, barked at Marinette, who went to salute but remembered her headache and gave him a nod instead. “I am Orikko, Kwami of Pretension and the inhabitant of the thumb ring known as the Chicken Miraculous! I can enhance any one ability of yours for five minutes with my power of Sublimation! I can only enhance abilities that you actually have, so no asking to fly or breathe in outer space! My weapon is a bow with a quiver of magical arrows that never runs out! And my power-up food is corn kernels, especially when steamed in the tears of the enemy!” “Nice to meet you, Orikko,” Marinette said. “How do I transform?” “Right, right, the transformation. You say ‘Sunrise’ to transform, and ‘Sunset’ to detransform. Are you ready, missy?” “I’m ready!” Marinette said as she slipped the ring over her left thumb. “Sunrise!” A flash of yellow-orange light and Marinette transformed. She found herself covered in yellow-orange spandex with collapsible feathers growing from her forearms, a fluffy skirt covering her thighs and an equally-fluffy ushanka covering her now-brown hair. A gray mask tapering to a beak on her nose graced her face, her eyes brown and birdlike, and scaly gray gloves and boots, the latter ending in five sharp metal claws, completed the look. Her weapon, a bow and a quiver, were hidden inside the folds of her skirt. “Sublimation! Enhance my ability to heal!” And Marinette sighed in bliss as her back pain went away, her finger stopped itching, and her head stopped throbbing. “Ladybug?” Zoe asked as she and her sister stuck their heads inside the doorway. “Are you ready?” “Close to it. Annnd…I’m good. Thanks for keeping Tikki safe, but I’ll need you to use Lucky Charm for me. I don’t think Silent Silkie can fly.” Two portals opened beneath their feet, the twins’ visibly wider. “Or maybe she can.” They were teleported into the pyramid. “Milady! Thank goodness!” Chat said, the line now only consisting of them. “I’m glad you’re…a chicken?” “Long story, kitty. Twins, I need you to use Lucky Charm to distract Max while Chat goes for the akumatized object.” “Alya streamed her fight on the Ladyblog, I think it might be in his glasses,” Chat said. “I don’t know how to feel about breaking them.” “Since there’s two of us we might get one really big Lucky Charm,” Zoe said. “But we’ll also time out after like, a minute or two instead of five, so make it fast.” Silent Silkie nodded and stepped back as the twins shouted “LUCKY CHARM!” A gigantic, insectoid robot colored red and black materialized with the twins in its cockpit. “Oh, no!” Zoe gulped when she saw the console-like controls. “We can’t play Mecha Strike! We can’t use consoles!” “We can now!” Chloe replied. “Ladybugs have six legs, remember?” Zoe remembered that their Ladybug form had extra arms and grinned. They grabbed the controls and their mecha drew back two pairs of fists, then punched a hole in the outer wall of the pyramid.Max was thrown backwards by the force of the great impact vibrating through the central room. “What WAS that?” he asked, and then gulped as a Level Four Ladykiller tore into the room and loomed over him, its fists dripping with liquid fire. “Never you mind the robot! Just get Ladybug’s Miraculous!” Hawk Moth ordered. Max grit his teeth and summoned his own robot, then rushed at the intruder. Their fists met in a clash of steel and nickel & electricity and napalm, and despite the person in the robot clearly being a novice they were still able to match his every move. Max didn’t know that this was because there were actually two people in the cockpit who could look in different directions, but shared enough of their peripheral nervous systems to coordinate decisions. He didn’t care about their skill level; Max was having the time of his life reenacting his favorite game in real life. He’d been taking people into the pyramid to train himself, to prove to the world that he belonged in the Paris Ultimate Mecha Strike 3 Tournament, score or no score. And if he eventually found Marinette, the opponent he was most interested in fighting? That would simply be– “CATACLYSM!” No, it wouldn’t simply be cataclysm, it’d be the exact opposite, it would…oh, he saw what he did there. In the midst of all his excitement he’d completely forgotten about Ladybug’s partner. Max’s robot disintegrated into ash in an instant and he found himself falling. Something flew through the air and pinned him to the wall; Max turned his head and saw an arrow sticking him to the wall with an arrowhead made of magic. Then something orange and fluffy raced his way, snatched his glasses, and snapped them in half, releasing the akuma inside. His vision blurry and his emotions spent, Max barely registered the purification of the moth, four female voices arguing over how to ‘flip a robot’, and the Ladykiller doing a backflip while someone said “Miraculous Ladybug!” over someone else’s screams. He then found himself on the sidewalk with his glasses back in one piece, standing alongside the people he’d…probably kidnapped. “Max!” Kim rushed over and hugged him. “You okay, buddy?” Max sighed. “Kim…I am an ass.” “No you’re not!” “Yes, I am. This only started because Marinette wouldn’t compete with me and I thought she didn’t respect me, and then I made her fall. I wouldn’t have gotten akumatized if I hadn’t pressured her.” “Dude, Marinette’s probably just cursed, it’s not your fault she tripped. And it turns out your scores are actually totally fine and Nino’s just an idiot,” Alix said as she patted his arm. “You’re still in the tournament, man.” “But why didn’t she want to compete with me?” “I was afraid I’d beat you, Max.” The threesome turned around and saw Marinette looking downcast. “I’ve been playing Mecha Strike with my dad, and then with some girls I know online, ever since the original game came out. And I am insanely good at it, my one-game record is 15932. I was afraid I’d beat your score and then you wouldn’t get to go to the tournament.” “If you beat my score it would be Adrien who would be disqualified, not you,” Max corrected, still confused. “And I don’t want to take that away from Adrien either! Adrien’s been homeschooled for seven years, Max, there’s so much he’s never gotten to see. It was never because I don’t respect you, Max; it’s because I respect you and Adrien a lot. This tournament’s probably been your dream since it started running, and I just didn’t want to get in the way.” Max sniffled. “That’s one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me. Thank you, Marinette. And…I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, no one was hurt but me.” “You don’t deserve to be hurt.” Max gave her a friendly nod and a wry smirk. “I’m going to the tournament with Adrien and we’re going to win. And then I’m going to beat you.” Marinette smiled. “I’d like that, Max.” “Way to go Marinette!” Kim said before clapping her back. “YEOWCH!” she screamed. “KIM I’M STILL SORE THERE!” “Sorry!” he winced. Alix and Max promptly facepalmed.“General Fu, may I ask what is your assessment of the Bourgeois twins?” Orikko asked before shoving his head into an unheated can of steamed corn. “I can’t say for sure yet, Orikko,” Fu replied as the avian god ate messily, sending kernels flying everywhere (but mostly onto the faces of his fellow Kwamis, who reacted in various ways). “They’re interesting, that is for certain. And they have great potential for using Miraculous, I think I’d like to run some tests on their abilities.” “Master, quiet! I’m trying to watch!” Wayzz said as he and a few of the others (red fox Kwami Trixx, water buffalo Kwami Stompp, and white goat Kwami Ziggy, who was currently biting where her hooves would’ve been in trepidation) watched the Paris Ultimate Mecha Strike 3 Tournament on Fu’s TV. “And…would you look at that! Adrien Agreste and Max Kante of College Francoise Dupont are the last ones standing!” the announcer said. Fu’s room erupted into cheers and hugs – at least, until Ziggy asked “Are we sure that Plagg didn’t use his bad luck powers to help them cheat without their knowledge? It’s not like he shows up on cameras…” This promptly sent everyone in the room into a panic. (Thankfully, it turned out that he hadn’t; the next day Adrien reassured them that Plagg had stuffed himself so full of epoisses after the adventure with Max that he’d been in a food coma for four days straight, including on the day of the tournament. They’d been immensely relieved to hear that. Sometimes Plagg’s gluttony was a great boon indeed.)
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Today on TVi News at Noon we bring you an exclusive story,” Nadja Chamack said on the television playing in the background. “Jagged Stone is coming to the Grand Paris Hotel on his annual tour of Paris tomorrow, and rumor has it this concert’s theme is going to be tropical fruit as part of a campaign by Bob Roth Records to promote healthy eating & exploration of world cultures. Well, I’m no chef but I’m sure interested in sampling his songs. In other news…” The twins strutted through the room in the Grand Paris where Jagged would be staying. “Does everything look up to snuff, Juleka?” Zoe asked. “Y-yeah, Fang’s tub doesn’t seem damaged or anything,” Juleka said as she exited the bathroom, which had an unusually large bathtub that was more of an aquarium tank. “He has a saltwater crocodile, a species that’s well-known for eating people, as a pet,” Chloe scoffed. “I still think that’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” “You know Fang can’t be in the wild, Chloe,” Juleka replied meekly. “He was raised by people before Jagged was given him, he’s too docile to fend off other crocodiles. And he’s also got an autoimmune thing.” “And I still value my hands, Couffaine. Especially since we just got our nails done,” Chloe replied while inspecting the buff polish on her fingernails and the bright red on Zoe’s. “Anyway, everything looks fine, I’ll ask the staff to dust it again and we should be good to go. None of your dad’s weird fans have tried to steal the light fixtures yet.” “N-not so loud!” Juleka hissed. “You know I don’t like people knowing…that.” “Knowing what? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Couffaine. Are you sure your brother’s music isn’t messing with your hearing?” The goth smiled gratefully at the lie. Chloe could be prickly and abrasive and she yelled a bit too much, but she also understood why Juleka didn’t want people knowing who her father was. After all, Chloe was the mayor’s daughter and her mother was a fashion designer well-known for her cruelty, plus, y’know, the whole conjoined twins thing; she had enough eyes on her already. So if Chloe was ever given a chance to help someone else hide from their parent’s fans, some of whom could be very weird (Juleka had seen the fanfiction thanks to Alix and a game of Truth or Dare), she would gladly take it. “We’d better tell them to stock some more wet wipes, that fruit thing sounds messy,” Zoe said, snapping Juleka out of her thoughts. “And maybe a few more trash cans too.” “Y-yeah, that sounds good. Don’t want to get papaya pulp on the walls again.”
“Again?!”
Juleka felt four blue eyes on her and swallowed. “I have said too much.”“You wished to see me, ma’am?” Nadja asked the following morning. “Yes,” her boss, Arlette Duparc, said. “Nadja, your viewership is at an all-time low. There haven’t been this few people watching your show since the pension reform strikes. Something’s missing from your show to get people hooked. Something…interesting.” “I don’t know what you mean, Arlette. I reported on Jagged Stone’s arrival in Paris,” Nadja said, confused. “And the way he keeps coming back every year it might as well be an annual migration. Has a nice ring to it, actually.” Arlette sighed. “Look, Nadja, people want something flashy and dramatic these days. Their attention spans are garbage now thanks to social media, and we need to adapt. Find something flashy so we can salvage your show.”
“Salvage?!”
“Some of the investors want you booted because of your declining viewership. I’m sorry, Nadja, but they’re the ones with the most money. They’re the ones who get to dictate the truth.” Nadja clenched her fist under the table in frustration.“It’s come to my attention that you two have high potential for wielding a Miraculous,” Fu said. The Heroes of Paris, along with the twins, were in his parlor room during his lunch break when the building was otherwise closed. “However, due to your unique situation it’ll take some time to understand which Miraculous works best for you. Therefore, I propose an experiment: you’ll try each one in the box.” “Wait, what?!” Ladybug cried. “Master Fu, with all due respect that could be very dangerous! It was sheer luck that Hawk Moth wasn’t paying attention when they had the Rabbit Miraculous or mine! They’re extremely recognizable people!” “We’re aware, Ladybug, or did you forget which of us feels her sister’s lung moving every time she breathes?” Chloe growled. “Girls, behave,” Chat said firmly before Zoe could open her mouth. “Ladybug, we need the help and so far they’re the only ones in a position to give it. Chloe, Ladybug’s right, you need to be careful so Hawk Moth doesn’t see you and Zoe with a Miraculous. If he does then he’ll know there’s a Miracle Guardian in Paris, and he might go after Fu to get a Miraculous that lets him participate in a fight a lot more directly.” “Indeed,” Fu nodded. “We’ll be starting you with the Miraculous representing the zodiac.” “The zodiac?” Chloe repeated. “Chloe, there’s a rabbit and a chicken god in there,” Zoe pointed out. “Clearly at least a few of them are themed on the Chinese zodiac.” “Yes,” he confirmed. “Now, your first was the Rabbit, but the Dragon is complex so I’ll be going backwards and giving you the Tiger instead.” He opened the Miracle Box and took out a silver bracelet attached to five finger rings via chains. “Roaar? Come out, please.” A Kwami resembling a humanoid fuchsia tigress materialized in a flash of pink light. “Rrrrrroarrrrrr! Hello there, humans! My name is Roaar, and I’m the Kwami of Elation! My power is Clout, which is like a really big shout that draws all of the attention your way!” Ladybug stilled. “Master Fu…what did I just say about drawing attention to the twins?” “Don’t worry, Ladybug! It only works on the person you deem a foe! And since it’s got the same restrictions as other powers, you can hide if your enemy’s far away enough!” “But they’d still be paying attention!” “Exactly,” Roaar said with a devious grin. “And until Clout wears off they won’t be able to pay attention to literally anybody else in the world. Including other heroes.” “I get it!” Chat grinned. “You’re a diversion! You bait the bad guys and make them unable to focus on what’s behind them!” “My fellow feline’s right! Now, you transform by saying ‘Stripes on’, and you detransform by saying ‘Stripes off’. My weapon is a rope dart and my power-up food is durians! Lovely, lovely durians!” “The fuck is a durian?” Chloe asked, causing Roaar to develop a pained expression. “Isn’t it that green tropical fruit from Asia that’s the size of your head and is completely covered in spikes sharp enough to rend flesh?” Zoe asked. “Wait, isn’t that the one that smells like Adrien’s stinky cheese to the point where you’re not allowed to take it on the train?” Chat tilted her head at the comparison. “That it would be,” Fu confirmed. “Kwamis can eat any food, but their specific power-up foods replenish their energy much faster. For Roaar that is the fruit of any tree in the genus Durio, particularly D. zibenthinus as it’s the only one sold internationally.” “But not in a local supermarket I’m guessing,” Chloe said dryly. “Roaar, I think you might have to substitute your durians for cheese while you’re here in France.” “Stinky French cheese is no durian, but it’s nice too,” Roaar admitted before her face lit up. “Well, enough of that now! Take my Miraculous and let’s go for a spin!” “Yeah, uh…Roaar? Your jewelry, it’s uh…I think it’s from India,” Zoe said. “And we’re…” “White as fuck,” Chloe supplied. “Yeah, that. So…maybe change the shape so we don’t get stared at? Please?” “Can do! You’re not the first person to ask!” Roaar’s yellow eyes glowed green and the rings & chains retracted into the bracelet, which Chloe slipped over her left wrist. Roaar snuggled into the twins’ right hoodie pocket. “Now let’s go see some things and stuff!” “Ladybug?” Zoe asked. Ladybug exhaled. “I don’t like this, but I do agree that Chat and I need help of the magical variety, Max’s akumatization proved that much. And if this helps you find a Miraculous that you’re suited for, or even two, then I’ll let you work. Just be careful and only use the Tiger Miraculous if you absolutely have to, these things aren’t toys.” “No duh, toys don’t have opinions,” Chloe scoffed. “Anyway, we gotta go, Jagged Stone’s checking into our hotel and we need to appear on the news.” “See you later, girls!” Chat waved, Ladybug giving a nod as the twins got to their feet.“Mommy, Mommy!” Manon said as she waved to her mother. “Guess what?” “What is it, darling?” Nadja said, trying to hide her stress from her daughter. “Everyone was talkin’ about Ladybug and Chat Noire! ‘Cuz they’re AWESOME! Are you gonna talk to them, Mommy?” Envy seeped into Nadja’s face. “I don’t know, sweetie. I don’t know why they haven’t asked me, a legitimate newscaster, for an interview yet…” Manon’s eyes widened when a goopy black moth flew into Nadja’s smart watch and covered her in purple smog. When the smog cleared her mother was wearing a blue mesh suit with circuitry lines, her face blue and holographic and her once-auburn locks a flaming crimson. “But I’m going to change that. Stay here, sweetie.” She turned to their TV and jumped into the screen, disappearing in a flash of static. Nadja’s husband Emeril entered the room. “Manon, was that your mother?” he asked. “She went into the TV,” Manon said. “Oh, for goodness sake, she’s been akumatized. Confound it, Arlette, I just know you’re responsible for this somehow!” He picked Manon up and wheeled away. “Let’s go hide in your room, your mom’s going to be doing some very strange things today…”Jagged Stone got out of his limousine and inhaled. “Ahhh, sweet, Parisian air. God it’s good to be home.” Fang let out a trill of content upon discovering how warm the sidewalk was. “Well, let’s not waste any time, Fang. Shall we?” He took Fang’s leash and started walking the fourteen-foot saltwater crocodile towards the Grand Paris. “Mr. Stone!” Jagged waved to the reporters politely, Fang’s presence giving them a wide berth. He’d adopted the crocodile after seeing how gaunt his old owners had kept him, and with the permission of the French government was allowed to raise him himself. It took time and special accommodations, but Fang had blossomed into a powerful reptile. And he was unusually intelligent too, a double-whammy against half of his paparazzi. “Thanks for stopping by, Paris! I’ll be resting up and prepping for my concert, there’s some fascinating recipes I’m just dying to try!” Jagged said as he reached the hotel’s entrance. As he went for the door Fang suddenly twisted. “Whoa, boy! What’s wrong?” Fang pulled again, and Jagged turned around to see a blue arm emerge from the screen of one of the camerapeople’s equipment and pull a reporter into it, the once-large crowd now small. Strangely, people weren’t running away – in fact, they were getting closer. “Stop!” Jagged exclaimed, but they didn’t listen. Then the cameraman was pulled into his own camera and was replaced by the akumatized form of Nadja Chamack, who set the camera on the ground and turned to face him. “Sorry to steal your reporters, Mr. Stone, but Prime Queen needs an audience for the piece of the century!” she leered. “No one’s had any conclusive sightings of magic before Ladybug and Chat Noire, and I intend to be the first to properly report on it! Not that Ladyblog whatsit.” Fang swung his tail at her, but it harmlessly phased through her ankles. “And would you look at that, I can touch you but you can’t touch me. Ta-ta!” She disappeared into the camera’s screen and it fell dormant. “Jagged Stone!” Jagged turned around to see the Bourgeois twins opening the door. “What was that noise?” Zoe asked. “Some lady in blue, she might’ve been on the news,” Jagged said. “Hey, that rhymes…” “That was an akumatized villain! Jagged, you need to get inside right now!” “And tell us everything she was able to do,” Chloe barked. Fang snorted at her and she paled. “Please?” she squeaked. Fang visibly relaxed, not noticing the tiny goddess giving him the stinkeye from the safety of a hoodie pocket. “She stole my entire entourage,” Jagged said with a frown as he let the twins lead him and Fang inside. “Possibly Penny too, she was behind me. Okay, here’s the deal…”“Another electrical teleporting akuma?” Chat asked. “Is Hawk Moth– sorry, Cock Moth running out of ideas?” Ladybug burst out laughing. “Milady?” “Ahahahaha– I’m so sorry, Chat, that stupid video gets me every tihihihime!” Ladybug giggled. She composed herself rapidly. “Alright, let’s go over it again. Nadja Chamack was akumatized into Prime Queen and seems to have TV-based powers. She can’t be touched by others but can touch others if she wills it; based on Jagged’s description she might be made entirely out of static. She can use electronic visual displays to teleport, and the size of the screen seems irrelevant. Lastly, she appears to have hypnotism powers, but Jagged wasn’t looking her way so we don’t know how it works.” “Don’t forget why she got changed,” Chloe said. “She thinks the Ladyblog’s stealing her spotlight. I think she’s trying to outdo Alya by forcing people to come to HER show.” “Which would no doubt be about us and revealing our secret identities,” Chat grimaced. “And since she’s literally hypnotic…darn. If she can use that power through television sets that’s going to be a lot of people watching us get exposed.” “Good thing you have me, huh?” Roaar asked as she flew out of the hoodie. “I can make it so no one’s able to pay attention to you getting unmasked, not even the cameraman!” “Hold on, Roaar. I’m glad you want to help, but there’s still the problem of your power-up food,” Ladybug interjected. “The twins weren’t able to get enough stinky cheese to last you the whole day without raising suspicion given they usually don’t buy it. And there’s a ton of screens in a supermarket, it’s not safe for you to go there to get more.” “Poo,” Roaar frowned. “And the stinky cheese that the twins did get will only make Clout last half a minute per go, if what Fluff’s said about transforming them is correct.” “You figured out how long we’ll stay transformed?” Chloe asked. “I’m smart! I’m literally nine billion years old!” “Only nine?” Chat asked. “It took the universe about five billion years to produce something smart enough to feel elation beyond happiness. Now get going, cubs! Twins, you know what to do.” The twins made faces as Zoe gingerly put a case of roquefort into her purse for later, then shouted “STRIPES ON!” and transformed. Their suit was a gradient of Rebecca purple to a dark shade of hot pink with a white belly and triangular black stripes with different patterns for each sister, their gloves and boots shaped somewhat like Chat’s. Their hair had turned purple with white underneath, Chloe’s ponytail and Zoe’s bob flaring out at the ends like a tiger’s mane, and their eyes had turned golden with slit pupils. Both girls wore a domino mask & cat’s-ear headbands and had a cloth tail emerging from each of their tailbones, their accessories colored the same gradient as their suits, and Zoe’s face was painted with a black cat nose and whiskers. A purple rope dart on a fuchsia rope was holstered on Chloe’s side. “Wow,” Chat said, feeling something stir inside of her. “Why is your face painted like one of those carnival things?” Chloe questioned. “I thought it would look cute…” Zoe mumbled. “You certainly look different,” Ladybug sighed. “Hopefully the glamour will take care of the rest, but given that Alix saw right through it I’m not confident about that. Alright, let’s get to work. Uh…Purple Tigresses, find somewhere where there aren’t many people. Chat, you’re with me. When I give the signal use Clout and I’ll get you out of there, rinse and repeat. I hope it’s enough to draw Chamack out of her studio where Chat and I can clobber her…somehow. How do you hit someone who’s intangible?”“Welcome to Prime Time by Prime Queen!” Nadja said in a studio. “Today we’re going to interview Ladybug and Chat Noire, our resident superheroes, and figure out what makes them tick! But first, I’d like to interview our local supervillain Hawk Moth. Hawk Moth, why do you want their Miraculous so much?” “Classified,” Hawk Moth said through a visor that tinted her whole face purple. “Now why aren’t you going after their Miraculous?” “Because I haven’t seen them yet, Mr. Hawk Moth. But I hope my captive audience will draw them out.” The camera swiveled to show her audience, all of them with whited-out mind control eyes, before going back to her as she turned to face the camera behind her. “Camera 1, come in Camera 1. Any sign?” “Negative, Prime Queen,” droned a possessed reporter. “No sign of any–” The world was suddenly shaken by a massive, ground-splitting roar that sent a pulse of fuchsia light into the sky, emitted from somewhere in the Fourth Arrondissement. It was a Clout, deliberately made big and flashy since the twins didn’t know Nadja’s precise location. Everyone present looked its way. “Is that a sign of magic?” “Yes!” Prime Queen nodded before jumping into the screen behind her and emerging from a TV in Marinette’s house. “Drat! That reporter’s camera had no screen! The light’s not here.” “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, COCK MOTH!” Nadja’s plans were suddenly interrupted by a short Chinese woman throwing a refrigerator magnet at her. The static making up her body was twisted its way as it phased though her chest and she hissed in pain. “Yeah, you don’t like that, do you? Get out of my house and don’t come back until you return my daughter!” Sabine Cheng glared at her but Nadja ignored her, still focused on reaching Clout, and jumped back into the TV and disappeared. “Tom, the villain was in our house! …Tom?” “What a strange light,” Tom said as he stared out the window at the Clout. “What?” Sabine asked before her gaze was drawn Clout’s way. “Strange.” The light suddenly disappeared and she blinked. “Tom! The villain was in our house!” “Oh no!” he gulped. “She must’ve gotten Marinette! But that light…what was that?” “Ladybug and Chat Noire can’t make a light like that,” Sabine frowned. “It must be another hero. Please, new hero, save our daughter!” A few seconds later, another roar, another light, and now they were staring at the First Arrondissement.Five Clouts later Ladybug dropped the detransformed twins off at the Grand Paris. “If I wasn’t this fast we’d be done for,” she grimaced, feeling the strain in her arms. “Stay here for the moment, Chamack’s wild goose chase should lead her right to our trap.” “Why a porta-potty, though?” Zoe asked, making a face. “No screens. She won’t be able to escape once Chat locks her inside, and that should buy us enough time to figure out what her akumatized item is.” She flew away. “We can help too, Beetle Butt!” Chloe snapped once Ladybug was out of earshot. “Oh, forget it, let’s see what Jagged’s doing.” They went back into the hotel and made their way to Jagged’s room, then knocked their distinctive three-handed way. “Mr. Stone?” Jagged opened the door. “Girls! What a strange day, am I right? Bob told me that Paris had superheroes now, but it’s way different seeing it for yourself! Come in, come in!” The girls entered the hotel room, fruit salads of Jagged's creation covering the tables, then Zoe saw something on the kitchen counter – something large, green, and completely covered in spikes sharp enough to rend flesh. “Mr. Stone, is that a durian?” “Yep! Got that little beauty and the rest of its bunch from Thailand. Did you know they invented durians that don’t smell like my socks a few years ago? That means I could get these ‘Long Laplae’ in France in time for my show! You wanna try it with me?” “Say yes! Say yes!” Roaar hissed from inside their hoodie, audibly salivating. “If it doesn’t stink like Adrien’s cheese collection…” Chloe said nervously. “...we’ll try anything once,” Zoe finished. “Cool! Now, in case you haven’t noticed durians are covered in some very nasty little thorns. They also weigh, like, three kilos. People have actually died from getting hit on the head with these things. So I’m gonna cut it for us.” He donned a pair of welder’s gloves, picked up a knife, then set to work sawing through the tough green rind. Once he was sure he was done sawing he grabbed a crowbar and split the fruit in half, revealing flesh that looked like scrambled eggs. “The king of fruits is served! Oh, and make sure to peel it, there’s some gnarly seeds in this thing.” The twins exchanged a nervous look before picking up a segment and peeling it apart, removing three brown seeds the size of walnuts. They watched Jagged stuff a piece of pulp into a mouth, then tepidly did the same. “Wow, it’s…very sweet,” Chloe blinked. “And kinda tastes like vanilla ice cream.” “Three cheers for selective breeding,” Zoe agreed. “Mr. Stone, this has been an honor. Can we take the rest of what’s in our hands to go? And keep the seeds?” “Sure thing, little ladies. Oh, and how’s Juleka doing?” “Still a wallflower. She says hi.” “Cool. Make sure to help her and Luka get tickets for the concert, you dig? Even though I can’t be there for them as a dad I want to spend time with them however I can.” “We will, Mr. Stone.” He nodded and they left. Once in the hallway they handed Roaar a piece of the durian, which quickly disappeared. “Wow! That’s the best durian I’ve had in centuries!” Roaar mewled. “I can feel one really big and really loud Clout coming on, much better than those measly things I made with that overpriced blue cheese!” “Those were measly?!” Chloe questioned. “Those were like a fire engine going off in my ear!” “My biggest Clouts match a jet engine,” Roaar grinned. “Now let’s transform and show Ladybug what we can do!”“A refrigerator magnet?” Ladybug asked, staring at the ladybug-shaped fridge magnet in her hands. “And now I’m recycling Lucky Charms?” “If Nadja Chamack’s made of static that might keep her from moving around. Magnets distort TV screens, you know,” Chat said. “Let’s try it. I’ll stick the magnet on her head to immobilize her, you find the akumatized item and Cataclysm it.” Chat nodded and Ladybug opened the door of the porta-potty, only to find it empty. “Surprised?” Nadja said as they turned around before brandishing her watch. “Smart watch!” she giggled. “Now, you’ll be coming to my show and that. Is. Final!” Her eyes glowed white and she began singing the jingle to her news bulletin, causing Chat and Ladybug to sway as their eyes went white. Then a Clout interrupted her, a Clout easily twice the size of the previous ones. Nadja’s head snapped in its direction. “Mysterious light! Quit running away!” she cried. Chat and Ladybug snapped out of it and slunk up to Nadja’s side. Clout had two main weaknesses: if you couldn’t see or hear it or weren't designated a foe, you couldn’t fall prey to it, and Miraculous champions weren’t affected by it at all. Nadja suddenly groaned in pain as her arm was forced to move towards Ladybug in a nightmarish shifting of holographic flesh. “OW!” she cried. “Sorry, Ms. Chamack, but your show’s been canceled!” Ladybug said as she fumbled the watch off her wrist. She handed it to Chat, who Cataclysmed it. The watch disintegrated and the moth fluttered out, then Chat opened her staff and purified the moth, which predictably kept flying in the direction of the Clout. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Ladybug said as she tossed the magnet, which returned everyone to their proper workplaces or homes right as the Clout timed out. “Are you okay, Ms. Chamack?” Nadja blinked. “What happened?” “You were akumatized, ma’am. Something about the Ladyblog. Which we like.” Nadja facepalmed. “Oh goddamnit. Manon – my daughter – said that everyone was watching it and really liked you, and I forgot what ‘everyone’ means to a four-year-old.” She sighed. “My show’s on the rocks since viewership’s down, and I don’t want to lose my job. My husband can’t work in person since he’s paraplegic and he has trouble finding online work, so I have to support our family all by myself.” “We understand your stress, Ms. Chamack,” Chat Noire said. “Tell you what, how about a compromise? The Ladyblog gets first crack at writing articles about us, but you get second crack at articles & whatever live feed you get before the Ladyblog. The Ladyblog will be for the kids, and you get to report on the adult side of things.” Nadja smiled. “I like it. Thank you, Chat Noire. If it’s okay with Hawk Moth’s victims, of course…which includes me too now, I suppose.” She laughed. “Well, at least that’s going to get me some airtime.”“Nooroo, what was that strange purple light?” Gabriel asked. “I don’t know,” Nooroo…technically didn’t lie. He figured that it was the power of another Kwami, but due to the allure of his own power he’d been bounced around the world more than any other member of his race, and they’d only known what their powers could do in the physical world after being psychically linked to jewelry during the Xia Dynasty, so he couldn't say for sure. “I think it’s another Miraculous. I wonder if Ladybug and Chat Noire found theirs like I did, finding them in a jewelry shop and thinking they were just beautiful presents for my beloved. I wonder if that other hero did the same.” “There is other magic in the world, master,” Nooroo replied, silently wishing that Gabriel would buy it. He did. “Of course I know there’s other magic out there, Nooroo. I’m a scholar of history, I’m well aware of what the Nazis and Americans were after, I know what happened to the Peafowl was not something a Kwami could do, and I know that the rumors of that terrible bomb were no mere rumors. You may be right.” He sighed. “Perhaps if they were the product of another kind of magic we shall never see them again.” “Perhaps,” Nooroo agreed, silently wishing that he’d at least get to see them again, especially if they were another Kwami. He was lonely now that Duusu was dormant.“That was…well, Hawk Moth may try investigating that,” Fu said at last. “We’re sorry, Mr. Fu, but we didn’t know where she would be at any given moment and we wanted to make it as big as possible to draw her out,” Zoe whimpered. “The plan did work, didn’t it?” Ladybug, to their surprise, came to their defense. “They distracted Ms. Chamack for long enough that Chat and I were able to keep her from kidnapping any more people. And I’m sure that Nooroo has a way of misdirecting Hawk Moth.” “Of course he does, Nooroo is quite clever from what Tikki and Fluff have told me.” Fu relaxed. “Let’s change the subject. How did you like working with the twins, Roaar?” “I liked it!” Roaar nodded. “But I’d rather find a different human, someone who needs to learn how to roar. Chloe knows how to roar already, and Zoe doesn’t do it as much but I know that she can too.” “We’ll keep our ears open,” Chat promised. “From one cat to another, it was great meeting you and I hope we’ll find you a more permanent champion soon.” “Especially one who can get durians on speed dial!” Roaar replied, prompting everyone to laugh.
“The fuck is speed-dial?” Chloe asked, causing Fu to develop a pained expression this time.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Thanks to the generosity of Mr. Bourgeois, we're able to have our work experience field trip tomorrow at the Grand Paris luxury hotel. Each of you will get hands-on experience with one of the many jobs there at the hotel,” Ms. Bustier began. “Now, we’ll be picking the jobs via balls.” Kim started laughing. “Kim!” Kim stopped laughing and sat up ramrod straight. “I have a tray here with thirteen numbered balls on my desk. The number you pick determines the job you get.” “Thirteen?” Ivan questioned. “But there’s fifteen of us.” “Chloe and I kinda work there already, and the selection process really wouldn’t work for us since we can’t have two different jobs at the same time,” Zoe explained. “We’re kinda the junior managers of the entire hotel,” Chloe said loftily. “You’re dressed like someone who wants the junior manager of the entire hotel,” Alix snickered as she made her way over to Bustier’s desk. “May I have the first ball, teach?” “Yes, Alix, you may,” Bustier replied. Alix took it and compared the letter to the list. “2 for…laundry attendant.” Kim: “7 for bellhop. Do I hop over bells? …that’s the dude who carries the bags? Huh.” Mylene: “3 for doorman.” Nino: “12 for concierge.” Alya: “1 for night auditor.” Max: “5 for housekeeper.” Rose: “8 for hostess.” Ivan: “4 for reception.” Juleka: “6 for maid.” Adrien: “10 for food & beverage manager.” Sabrina: “13 for hotel detective.” Nathaniel: “11 for tour guide.” “And I guess that means I’ve got 9 for…” Marinette looked at the list. “Gofer.” “Well, that’s that! I’ll be letting your designated overseers know who’s coming to whom, and tomorrow we’ll start working!” Bustier beamed.“So Penny, I think I’m all ready for the concert tonight,” Jagged said to his assistant Penny Rolling the following morning. “I’ve got my songs, I’ve got my gimmick, all I need now is a nap.” “A nap, sir?” Penny questioned. “If I’m gonna be rocking all night I’ve gotta be snoozing all day first. Fang gets it, don’t you boy?” Fang, lazily sunning himself in his tub, bellowed. “Fine, I’ll give you one last piece of chicken before bedtime.” “Should I ask for more security?” “Yeah, send a guard or two up here. Nothing’s gonna get me to move from my bed before two.” Penny nodded and took out her phone while Jagged yawned. “G’night, Penny…er, g’morning.” He headed to his bedroom right as Penny dialed the hotel.“Does this look alright?” Adrien asked the Grand Paris’ actual food & beverage manager, a thin man with black hair and gray eyes named Ramon D’Anjou, as he handed him a rudimentary menu. Ramon looked it over and nodded. “I take it this is to be themed on Jagged Stone’s upcoming concert?” “Yeah, it’s going to promote healthy eating & increased fruit consumption so I figured I’d use mostly fruit-based drinks & snacks. And I know from experience that the poached plums here are really good.” “I’ll tell Ms. Cesaire you think so highly of them,” Ramon chuckled. “This is very good, Mr. Agreste, I had similar instincts myself. I’ll check the availability of the ingredients and we’ll fine-tune the menu from there.” “Thanks!” Ramon nodded and left, and Adrien let go of the breath he was holding. “My first job outside of the brand,” he said to The Gorilla, who was chaperoning him. “I hope I don’t mess up.” The Gorilla smiled at him reassuringly. “Adrikins!” The twins sidled up to him with a clipboard in Chloe’s right hand. “How are you?” Chloe asked. “Mr. T.,” Zoe nodded to The Gorilla, who nodded back. “I’m doing great! Mr. D’Anjou really likes my menu idea! Wow, is this what you do every day when you’re not doing homework or going shopping?” “You tell me, you’ve known us since preschool,” Chloe giggled. Adrien laughed and then paled. “Hide me!” He ducked under the table. The twins exchanged a confused look until they saw a girl with a camera approach their table. “Excuse me, have any of you seen Jagged Stone?” the girl – the paparazza – asked. “No, we haven’t. I think he might be out buying sunglasses,” Chloe fibbed. “Oh! Thanks for the heads-up!” She left as quickly as she came. “It’s like I’m not even here,” Zoe grumbled. “Would it have been better if she had seen you?” Chloe reminded her. “She’s gone, Adrien, she wasn’t after you.” Adrien reappeared. “Sorry, I-I got flashbacks from my fangirls.” The Gorilla grunted reassuringly. “Thanks…I think.” “Just remember that we’re here for you,” Zoe said gently. “Okay, Adrien’s been talked to, let’s check on Nathaniel next.”“And here’s the fifth floor. It’s a floor,” Nathaniel said to the tour group he was with. “Where’s the zest, kid?” grunted his superior, a woman with short blonde hair and brown eyes named Celia Brach. “It’s a hotel, Ms. Brach. How many of these upper floors are identical?” Celia wasn’t able to come up with a retort. “Okay, and next we’ll be moving on to the sixth floor, and– Mr. Aza, what are you doing?!” “There’s a room with security guards! It must be where Jagged Stone is! I have to talk to him!” exclaimed a blonde man, Vincent Aza, a camera in his hands. “No, you don’t,” Celia said firmly. “We’re going to the sixth floor and that is that.” The guards registered movement and snorted at the tour group. As the tour group left, Vincent saw Marinette enter Jagged’s room with something, the guards letting her inside, and his eyes narrowed enviously. Then he suddenly grinned to himself. “Well, the outside’s gotta be less secured…and I never missed a single rock-climbing lesson in my life…”Marinette panted as she sat down on a chair. “You’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would,” Penny observed. “My parents run a bakery, I’m used to running around in circles,” Marinette replied as she took a sip of water from a bottle in her purse. “I’m just not used to the circles being so big.” “Well, you’re doing good so far. Thanks to you we’ve confirmed that the equipment’s all arrived and intact in half the time it normally takes. I should really talk to Jagged about getting another assistant.” “Uh, Marinette?” Marinette turned around to see Juleka looking shyly at her. “I kinda, uh, need to dust that chair…” “Oh! Sure thing, Juleka, I’ll move.” Marinette stood up and leaned against the wall while Juleka worked. “How’s maid life treating you?” “Glad I went with grunge today. How about you?” “Well, my knees kinda hurt and I nearly ran into a wall three times, but I’m glad I’m in here where it’s warmer.” “You nearly ran into three walls?” Penny gasped. “That’s an improvement. Normally in times like this I nearly run into five.” The ensuing awkward silence was broken by a window being smashed. “Whoa!” Marinette shrieked as a rock landed on the floor. Vincent snaked his hand into the window and opened it, letting him jump into the room. “Holy crap! Hotel invasion!” Jagged came running out of his bedroom, brandishing a prop guitar like an axe, and saw Vincent. “Oh, come on! Not you again?! Did you forget about that restraining order?” he groaned. “Mr. Stone! I have to talk to you! I have so many ideas for your new concert that are SO much better than that stupid fruit thing Bob Roth forced you to do!” Vincent exclaimed as he went to snap a picture. “The theme of that concert was partially MY idea! And put that thing away!” Jagged growled. Vincent’s eyes wandered over to Juleka and widened. “Say, that girl looks an awful lot like you, Jagged. Same build, same long limbs…holy shit. That’s your daughter!” Juleka shrank back. “IIIII…” She immediately started crying in fear. “You’ve done enough,” Penny growled. “Get out of here or I’m calling the cops. Actually, no, stick around, I want to see your face when they haul you to jail for breaking & entering.” Vincent was ignoring them and was pondering something else instead. “But I didn’t know Jagged had–” An explosion of purple smog, and Vincent found himself grabbed by the throat by Jagged, who’d grown much taller, had sprouted claws and demonic horns, and had turned golden while his hair glowed neon pink, the prop guitar strapped to his back. “You wanna see me, Aza?” Jagged growled, his voice three octaves deeper than normal. “Then you’ll see me. You’ll ALL see me!” He flew out the window on a mist of blue notes emitted from his feet. The Bourgeois twins burst into the room, Chloe brandishing a can of hairspray like it was mace and Zoe looking ready to smack someone over the head with their clipboard. “What the hell happened?!” Chloe yelled. “Jagged Stone got akumatized when his stalker broke in and gave Juleka a panic attack!” Marinette exclaimed. “Oh, no, Juleka!” Juleka was shaking in place on the floor while crying silently. “Don’t worry, Juleka, we’ll get him,” Zoe said reassuringly as the twins knelt down on all threes. “But we need to get you out of here, this room is a crime scene now. Also, there’s glass everywhere. Can you move for us?” Juleka nodded wordlessly and let the twins help her up, then escort her out, Penny following while dialing the police. Once they were gone Marinette slunk into Jagged’s bathroom and touched her right ear, and Tikki appeared in front of her. “Marinette?” she asked. “Long story, Tikki. We need to go, Jagged Stone got akumatized and the way it happened I think he’s going to pull a Nino.” Tikki nodded in understanding. “Spots on!” Marinette transformed, then saw Fang staring at her from inside his tub, a chicken bone hanging out of his mouth. “Uh…don’t tell your daddy I was here,” Ladybug said. Fang seemed to nod. “Thanks.”“Citizens of Paris!” Jagged boomed at the Eiffel Tower. “For too long have you stalked Jagged Stone, invaded his life, prevented him from having even one moment of peace! But he’s not here right now; Guitar Villain is! And I’m going to make sure that you NEVER cross Jagged Stone’s privacy ever again! Starting with HIM!” He turned around to face Vincent, who was currently photographing him. Removing the enchanted prop guitar from his back, Jagged strummed its strings, which produced a purple spell that forced Vincent to dance. “Dance for me, cameraboy!” Jagged grinned. “You like my music so much, how about you rock out FOREVER?” “That sounds amazing!” Vincent exclaimed. “How is this supposed to be a punishment?” “Read your fairytales, Vincent Aza. At the end of Snow White the Evil Queen was forced to dance until she dropped dead.” Vincent suddenly gulped. “Be glad I didn’t make you wear red-hot iron shoes. Now to round up the rest of your sorry lot!”Juleka’s older brother, a teal-haired boy named Luka, emerged from his car and raced to the front door of the Grand Paris. “Where is she?” he asked. “Where’s who?” asked a security guard. “Juleka Couffaine! I HAVE to see her!” “It’s okay, sir,” Sabrina said. “He’s her older brother. We called him here ourselves.” “He doesn’t smell high-class,” gruffed another guard. “Mostly like junkie. But if he’s on your list, well, we’ll let him in just this once.” “Thanks,” Luka said dryly. Once inside, Sabrina exhaled. “She’s pretty shaken, Luka.” “No kidding. How would you feel if someone broke into an apartment while you were there? How did that paparazzo get up there anyway?” “He climbed the outer wall. No, really, he actually did that.” “Whoa. I’d be impressed if I wasn’t angry.” Luka found Ms. Bustier’s class, Juleka huddled under a blanket on the floor. “Juleka!” “Luka?” Juleka asked hoarsely, looking up with one baleful red eye. “I…” She sniffed and made a face. “Ugh, seriously?! You know you’re not supposed to toke due to Mom’s throat issues! And it makes you smell like cat pee anyway!” “Didn’t have time to change, and you know I always do it outside so Mom doesn’t have to smell it,” Luka replied as he crouched down, grateful that he’d inadvertently snapped her out of her panic attack. “How are you, sis?” “B-bad,” Juleka sniffled. “He…he knows, Luka. That paparazzo knows.” “Knows what?” Nino asked innocently. “Uh…something personal about Jagged Stone that he got by intimidating Juleka,” Zoe interjected. “Seriously? Geesh, how low do these people gotta go to get info?” Nino groaned. “It’s not enough to go after the celebrity, he’s gotta go after kids on a field trip?” Juleka exhaled, relieved that he’d missed the actual reason. “I know. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe agreed. “Adrikins hid again because this incident gave him flashbacks.” “Hey, Ms. Bustier?” Alya asked after looking up from her phone. “Jagged’s on the news.” She showed the class a live newsfeed where Jagged was rounding up his various paparazzi and forcing them to dance. “I don’t know what his ‘ultimate solo’ is, but I’m guessing it’s the kind of thing that hospitalizes people.” “We need a plan for the heroes,” Zoe said. “Juleka, Luka, you two are Jagged’s biggest fans. What would you say is his greatest weakness?” “His unwavering love for Fang?” Luka asked. “No, no, it’s his strange taste in concert themes. I mean, I-I understand it’s for a good cause, but an entire song about pineapples? Doesn’t that already exist?” Juleka asked. “His inability to get a second assistant?” Penny snarked. “Or how he keeps a prop guitar in his bedroom at all times? Or how he decided to take a four-hour nap at ten in the morning today?” “Wait!” Juleka realized as she stood up, the blanket falling off her shoulders. “That’s it! His sleep schedule is super weird! See how he’s not walking around, just using his musical feet to fly? He’s gotta be too sluggish to run!” “Thanks for the heads-up!” Chat Noire said, flipping in front of them. “I came here to check out the crime scene with Ladybug before we went out, we want the police to be prepared to get Jagged’s victims out of dodge while we fight him.” “Which is going to be difficult,” Ladybug said as she touched down. “His compulsive dancing spell stays strong over a considerable distance, it’ll be hard to get close enough to reach him.” “Then make him too weak to pick up the guitar,” Chloe said. “You heard Couffaine– er, Juleka, he’s short on sleep. Tire him out, then make like The Who and smash it.” Everyone stared at her. “Zoe likes rock and roll!” she said defensively while blushing. “So do you, sis,” Zoe teased. “We’ll get the police over there to get those people away from Jagged. You two bomb his concert.” “Bomb…” Ladybug pondered.“I like being carried by you,” Chat mentioned. Ladybug was indeed carrying her over the streets of Paris in all four of the insect heroine’s arms. “It makes me feel safe.” “I’m glad you think that,” Ladybug smiled back. “Now remember, use your staff to take the force of the impact. I don’t want you smashing your feet before we smash the guitar.” The blonde nodded. “Say, milady?” “Mm?” “Luka and Juleka are Jagged Stone’s kids, aren’t they?” Ladybug nearly dropped her. “What makes you say that?” she squeaked. “Luka kinda looks like him, Juleka not so much but her eyes can’t be that shade of red naturally. And I figured something had to make her that upset.” Ladybug sighed. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?” Chat nodded. “Eighteen years ago Jagged Stone fell in love with a lyricist at his record company named Anarka Couffaine, and they got married and started a family. But Jagged’s fans didn’t take it well, they thought the marriage would ruin his music. So they started harassing his wife and children, it got so bad that they needed to move onto a houseboat so they could change locations when needed. Jagged ultimately had to leave them behind to protect them, but he always tries to get them to his Paris concert so they can at least spend some time with him.” “Oof,” Chat winced. “Why do some fans think they get to dictate a celebrity’s life?” “People are strange, Chat. Anyway, we’re here. Get your staff ready and aim your feet at his back, I’ll draw him out from there.” “Dance, my lovelies!” Jagged boomed, sneering at the hundred paparazzi dancing at the base of the Eiffel Tower. “Dance for your new master!” “No sign of Ladybug or Chat Noire,” Hawk Moth said through a purple visor.
“You know, I’m surprised, Hawk Moth. For a supervillain most of your crimes aren’t very criminal. This is the most violent thing you’ve done since Stormy Weather tried to wreck all that reminded her of how Alec Cataldi humiliated her.”
“My ambitions don’t need that much in the way of destruction, Guitar Villain. But here? I don’t like how they treated that girl as much as you do,” Hawk Moth replied with a growl.
“Do you now?”
“I’m a father, Guitar Villain. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my son.” Jagged immediately understood the hidden meaning and smiled a bit. Suddenly, a black blur landed roughly on his back, knocking him to the ground. “Ow! Way to harsh the vibes, little lady,” Jagged snarled as he stood up and faced Chat. Then a yo-yo socked him in the eye. “Stay there, kitten, I’ve got a bug to spray.” He grabbed his guitar and pointed it at Ladybug, then strummed it. An orange spell flew at her, sending her flying via a compressed wave of air. “Whoa!” she helped, regaining control in time to avoid hitting a lamppost. She beat her wings harder and flew over him. “Didn’t know he could do that too, so much for Plan A! Okay, Tikki, gimme something good! Lucky Charm!” A ladybug-patterned pillow appeared in her hands. “Hm…” She saw the notes coming out of Jagged’s feet. “Maybe…” “There you go, this way,” Chat said, leading another dancing victim to a squad car. “Chat! I need a strap!” Ladybug called as she flew over. “I think I know where we can get one,” Chat said when she saw Vincent. “Your camera, hand it over. The Cure will fix it if it breaks, don’t you worry.” “B-but my photos of Jagged Stone!” Vincent protested. “You caused it, you help fix it!” Chat hissed as she got in his face, baring sharp fangs and catlike molars. Vincent gulped and handed her his camera, and Chat quickly removed the adjustable strap from it, then extended it as far as it would go. “Here you go, milady!” “Thanks! Now use your staff to trip him!” Chat nodded and extended her staff until she could clothesline the incoming villain. As he fell, Ladybug flew over and tied the pillow to his left foot using the camera’s strap. When Jagged tried to resume flying, he found that the pillow muffled the music coming out of his foot so much that he couldn’t fly anymore. “Not cool, kids!” Jagged groaned as he sat down and tried to remove the pillow. “I’m too tired to walk!” “We know!” Chat said as she swiped Jagged’s guitar before raising it over her head. “CATACLYSM!” She brought it down, smashing its body while it disintegrated from the neck forwards. From the ashes the moth rose out like a tiny evil phoenix before getting purified. Ladybug removed the pillow from Jagged’s foot and tossed it into the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!” Jagged’s victims stopped dancing, the prop guitar was restored, and Jagged, now back in his original body, promptly fell asleep on the sidewalk. A taxi suddenly showed up. “I’m here for Mr. Stone on the orders of Chloe Bourgeois,” said the driver. “They think of everything!” Ladybug laughed as she and Chat helped Jagged & his prop guitar into the cab.“Well, that was an exciting trip,” Ms. Bustier said that afternoon. “Tell me about it. I didn’t know how much laundry a hotel makes in a day,” Alix said as she rolled her arms. “You’ve all worked so hard. So, as a reward, Jagged Stone’s boss Bob Roth has decided to offer us half-reduced ticket prices for tonight’s concert for all of us!” “Wow, cool!” “That’s so great!” “Will he sign a guava if I bring it?” “What the fuck, Kim?!” “Except for Juleka.” Everyone suddenly went quiet. “In recognition of the, um, incident in Jagged’s hotel room that started this whole mess, Chloe and Zoe have asked Mr. Roth that Juleka be given her ticket…for free! And he said yes!” Juleka gasped and everyone cheered for her. “We felt the label owed you,” Zoe explained. “Besides, it’s weird to pay your dad for stuff instead of the other way around,” she whispered. “You made Luka pay half-price,” Marinette observed. “He has a job, he can afford it,” Chloe retorted. Juleka giggled. “Thanks, girls.” “Don’t mention it. Only the best for the Bourgeois’ classmates.” Juleka laughed again.Vincent groaned in his cell. “Arrested on the day of a Jagged Stone concert. My luck has never been this bad.” “And it’s only just started.” A figure resembling a four-inch-tall humanoid black cat phased through the wall and glared at him with big green eyes. “Hello, Vincent Aza. I’m Plagg, the god of destruction. I’m going to be erasing a few pesky memories of yours. This will only hurt a bit.” Before Vincent could protest, Plagg phased into his head. Vincent’s mind filled with visions of decay and rot, of a land of ash that polluted the air & endless yellow-green muck that boiled and bubbled and ate anything that fell in. Swooping around the land, running between the pools of muck and under the clouds of ash, was a monster resembling a black panther, only it was much too long in the torso and seemed to be made entirely out of oil. Parts of it continuously sloughed off and fell into the muck, exposing the skeleton beneath and regenerating just as fast. Then the beast looked him dead-on: no eyes, just a rotten, too-long face with snaggleteeth. It roared, spewing green and brown fluids from an unseen black hole inside its throat, and Vincent passed out. Plagg emerged and bumped into Tikki. “Oh, hey sugarcube. You’re here early.” “Plagg, you know bad things happen when we use our powers without a champion nearby,” Tikki said sternly, glaring at him with her upper arms crossed and her lower arms on her hips. “It’s for a good cause, Tiks, you know I can’t use my own power for evil. It’s to protect that Juleka girl, Vincent didn’t just find out that she’s Jagged Stone’s daughter.” “What else did he find out?” she asked, tilting her head curiously. “Juleka’s like Adrien.” She gasped, all four hands flying to her mouth. “Yeah, while I was erasing his memories of finding out that Juleka was Jagged’s daughter I found another one: Vincent’s memory of Jagged having two sons instead of a son and a daughter. And if people made the connection between Juleka being transgender and Juleka being Jagged’s kid we’d have a shitshow so big they would never recover. Besides, with you here I can balance out my bad luck.” Tikki exhaled. “Alright. What do you want me to create?” “A change in his behavior. Make it so Vincent doesn’t want to stalk Jagged anymore. And make it look like it’s just a delayed trauma response from nearly getting danced to death, we don’t want the kids finding out we do this kinda stuff.” “Can do, stinky sock.” Plagg chuckled and watched as Tikki phased into Vincent’s head. Now there was a land of light and water in his mind’s eye, an endless flurry of small red things building elaborate structures before dismantling them just as fast. In the middle of the water was a strange being: an egg that sprouted into a grub, then curled up into an orb, then erupted into a crimson humanoid with four arms, two legs, two antennae, and four wings, the rear pair much longer than the front pair. The humanoid branched and branched and branched into an enormous treelike fractal, then collapsed back into an egg and repeated the cycle again. Vincent shuddered in his sleep as Tikki emerged from his head. “Done,” she said. “Now let’s go home. I certainly hope he doesn’t press charges…or the others…” “Nahhh,” Plagg shrugged. “If Adrien’s fans didn’t then neither will Jagged’s. They’ve learned their lesson: don’t poke the bear. Or crocodile in this case. Speaking of which, the reptile knows; let’s hope that Hawk Moth doesn’t make an akuma that can read the minds of non-human animals.”
“Let’s hope that Jagged’s Paris tour ends before he gets that idea,” Tikki agreed before the tiny gods phased through the wall, leaving Vincent alone in his cell once more.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Attention, everyone. Nino has an announcement that he’d like to make,” Ms. Bustier said at the start of a new day. Nino stood at the front of the room. “Hey dudes! My script got accepted into the Parisian Student Short Film Festival last night! They’ll be airing the finished films on Halloween, and, well…” He scratched the back of his head. “Do any of you wanna help me bring my script to life?” Zoe slammed her book down. “YES,” she said, jumping out of her chair faster than Chloe could react. “Oops! Sorry, sis,” she smiled sheepishly. “Let a girl put her foot down first, why don’t you?” Chloe snarked as she set her foot on the floor. “Sounds interesting, Lahiffe. What needs doing?” “Well, we’ve got lotsa acting parts, then there’s all the stuff on the crew. I’m the director, of course.” “If you need a producer then I’m your girl. And Zoe can help with the editing, even throw in a little narrating.” “You sure you don’t want to be on the screen too?” “We’re conjoined twins,” Zoe said sadly. “We always get typecast as the horrible monster.” Nino frowned, then snapped his fingers as inspiration struck him. “Wait a minute, I have a minor part for two girls that you could fit! I didn’t describe their appearances in my script, so it shouldn’t matter that you share a body!” “NINO I COULD KISS YOU YOU GLORIOUS HIMBO YOU!” Everyone stared at her and she went as pink as her bangs. “Um…” “Are you asking me out?” he teased, and Zoe only blushed harder. “Congratulations, you broke her,” Chloe sighed. “I won’t be able to walk for an hour. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Lahiffe. C’mon, Zo, sit down, there we go, that’s a good girl.”“‘Agent Smith, it's too dangerous! We must evacuate!’” Adrien declared in a hammy way during lunch. “Great! Adrien’s got the part of Officer Jones! That inflection is perfect for the B-movie homage I’m going for!” Adrien beamed and fist-bumped him. “Okay, now it’s time to audition for the monster! Okay Kim, gimme your best roar!” “YAHHH!” Kim bellowed as best he could. “Okay, that’s good, but I need something a bit deeper.” “Can I try, Nino?” Ivan asked. “You sure, dude? I wasn’t gonna ask since, y’know, akumatized.” “Nah, it’s okay. Remember how in akuma therapy we were told to try and replicate what we did while changed? It’s supposed to help us accept our emotions as part of ourselves.” “Oh yeahhh, I remember that now. But I still can’t remember the last time I had a bubble bath. Okay, Ivan, roar!” Ivan took a deep breath, then said “WAAAAAAAHHHH!” in a deep voice. When he opened his eyes half the class was now sitting on their desks, and Nino’s hat had fallen off. He coughed. “Uh…can I have some water?” he said hoarsely. “Tell me we were recording that!” Nino said as he retrieved his hat from the floor. “Your sound technician did indeed record it!” Alya replied, playing the roar back on her phone. “Now Ivan won’t need to say it again, we can just edit it over him doing the monster pose.” “That’ll save us a ton of time,” Chloe said approvingly. “Now can someone get Bruel some water?” “I-I’ll take him to the water fountain,” Mylene volunteered. “Alright, you can go with him, but I expect you to come back in time for the Agent Smith auditions,” Nino said. Mylene nodded and led Ivan out of the room, then Nino turned to face the boys and clapped his hands twice. “Okay, people, time to audition for Agent Smith’s father! Kim, do your best impression of your dad!” “Which one?” Kim asked. “Either!” “Get off the roof, young man! Uh, lady!”Ivan wiped his mouth after finishing his drink. “I hope you get that part, Mylene. You’ve wanted to be an actress ever since you first saw your dad on the stage.” “I hope so too,” Mylene said nervously. “Um…Ivan?” “Yeah?” “That was really scary back there. It, um…it reminded me of Stoneheart.” His eyes widened at this and she shrank a little. “I-I know, it’s stupid, I’ve known you for forever and I know you’re not really like that, but–” “It’s okay, Mylene,” Ivan said calmly. “I kinda scared myself. But that’s the whole point of that exercise. Emotions are scary things, and we’ve all got them. We all have to face our fears someday or else we’ll never grow.” “It’s easy for you,” Mylene sighed. “You’re not afraid of everything. I’m afraid of heights, mice, spiders, the dark, lightning, public speaking, global warming, leishmania, that creepy milk carton mascot who’s shaped like a…” She shuddered. “Hey, leishmania seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to be afraid of. Whatever it is.” “It’s a tropical parasitic infection that makes holes in your flesh.” “See? Perfectly reasonable thing to be afraid of. Also, ew.” He patted her shoulder and gave her a big smile. “You’ll be awesome, I just know it. So let’s get back to class before– Mylene? Don’t. Turn. Around.” “What is it?” she gulped. “There’s an akuma in the hall. Stay put while I swat it.” Ivan pulled out a collapsible flyswatter from his pocket, extended the handle, and swung it at the moth…which phased right through it. “Shit, Sabrina wasn’t lying. Alright, Cock Moth, come on, you know you want it. I’ll be the rock boy again.” The moth flew around him and merged into Mylene’s necklace, causing her to disappear. “Orrrr you could akumatize my girlfriend. You could also do that.” Something purple dripped onto his shoulder from above, then the lights went out. He turned around, looked up, and screamed at something above him before it lunged.“Where the hell ARE they?” Chloe grimaced. “It doesn’t take five minutes to get a drink of water! Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” “Maybe they’re making out,” Kim suggested with a lecherous smile. “They don’t strike me as the kind of people who’d do that, Kim,” Alya said. “You don’t know what people do when they’re in love! You’re single!” “And ready to mingle. Okay, twins, you’re up for the parts of Agent Smith’s gal-pals.” The twins stood up, scripts in hand. After reading them, Chloe spoke first. “‘Oh-em-jay, like, can you believe what Kaitlin said last night?’” “‘Yah, like–’” Zoe began, only for Aurore to burst into the room, ending the audition right there. “Oh…” “Guys! Ivan’s been taken!” Aurore exclaimed. “Calm down, Aurore. How do you know he was taken?” Marinette asked. “Follow me!” Ms. Bustier’s class followed her outside to a spot in the hall where a puddle of electric purple slime lay on the floor. A black pin shaped like a skull was embedded in the slime. “See that pin? That’s Ivan’s lucky pin from the Zombie Skull Crushers! Something took him!” “An akumatized villain, no doubt,” Max surmised. “And since Mylene is missing too it is most likely her.” “Low blow, Hawk Moth!” Alya growled. “He must’ve gotten her in one of her fear-spirals!” “Well, we’d better get Ivan’s pin out of this puddle before someone steps on it and breaks it,” Nathaniel said, grabbing the pin and trying to pull it out to no avail. “Geesh, this stuff is tough. Wish I had glue like this back home.” The lights suddenly went out, plunging the room into near-total darkness. “Uh-oh.” A glowing yellow orb appeared in the darkness. Then a second. Then six more. They blinked. Nathaniel screamed. The eyes got bigger, then disappeared. There came a wet SPLAT!, and when the lights returned Nathaniel was gone, a puddle of slime marking where he’d once stood. “NATHANIEL!” Rose cried. The lights went off again, Mylene’s eyes grew, another SPLAT!, and when the lights came back on Rose was now gone too. “Uh-oh!” Zoe gulped. “She’s targeting people who show fear in front of her!” The lights went off, Mylene returned, and Zoe shrunk under her intense gaze as her eyes grew again. “KEEP YOUR EYES OFFA MY SISTER!” Chloe roared protectively. Mylene’s eyes noticeably shrank in size before going out. When the lights came back on Chloe quickly hugged her trembling twin as best she could. “It’s okay, it’s okay…” “We should split up and spread out,” Adrien suggested. “The more distance she has to cover to find us, the more likely it is that Ladybug and Chat Noire will have enough time to track her down.” “Dude, that is not how horror movies work!” Nino protested. “This isn’t a horror movie, Nino, this is real life,” Marinette replied. “And we don’t know why she’s taking people, but if Hawk Moth can use her to mind-control us then we need to make it harder for him to find us.” “Right. Right! We gotta make sure that he can’t make us into an army of slime monsters. Everybody split up. Except the twins, of course.” “Of course,” Chloe snarked. “C’mon, sis, let’s hide in the library. It’s the last place that Harprele would expect to find us.” Zoe nodded and the class split up, Marinette and Adrien ducking into two separate bathrooms in the process.Ladybug skittered around the ceiling of the third floor on all sixes like her namesake insect. The lights went out, Mylene’s eyes lit up below her, and Ladybug held her breath as a seventh-grader screamed. When the lights returned the seventh-grader was gone. “Phew. That was too close.” “Milady?” Ladybug twisted her head to see Chat staring at her. “Is this a nature documentary? Am I about to witness the feeding habits of the Rare Anthropomorphic Seven-Spotted Ladybug?” “Seven-spotted ladybug? Is that the specific species I’m based on? Wait, hold on a minute, how are you here already?” “Ladyblog,” Chat replied, showing her partner a post that Alya had made to the site showing the slime puddles. “You?” “That also,” Ladybug fibbed as she crawled down the wall and onto the floor before standing up. “It’s Mylene, apparently she has anxiety issues and Hawk Moth got her during a stressed-out moment.” “It would explain why she doesn’t seem to be able to talk,” Chat guessed. “Most of the akumatizations we’ve seen are derived from resentment or anger, I think this is the first fear-inspired one we’ve come across.” “Max,” Ladybug countered. “Oh yeah. Where are the twins? Do you think they’ve been taken yet?” “Dunno, but we should check in on them anyway. It just doesn’t feel right not doing a case without them.” “I know, right?” The lights went out and someone screamed, then the lights came back on again. “Let’s go find them before Mylene finds us.”Hiding behind a dictionary, Zoe groaned. “Oh, don’t be like that!” Chloe scoffed. “With eyes like that anyone would be scared.” “It’s not that, Chloe. We got interrupted during the audition, remember? The part of Agent Smith’s fashion-obsessed friends is perfect for us!” Zoe lamented. “And I didn’t even get to say most of my first line…” Chloe’s gaze softened as she set the dictionary down. “Zoe, you’ll get that part. And I’ll get the other one too by default. Chat Noire and Ladybug will surely stop…I have no idea what Harprele’s new name is, she isn’t talking like one of Majestia’s nemeses. That’s kinda weird.” “We don’t know her villain name either, Hawk Moth hasn’t spoken up any,” Ladybug said as the heroes approached them. “Hey girls, we’re here. Any info?” “N-no, I, I couldn’t look her i-in the eyes for m-more than a few s-seconds,” Zoe shuddered. Chloe’s own eyes widened. “Wait…her eyes! They got bigger when Kurtzeburg and Lavillant screamed at them, and when Zoe freaked too! But when I yelled at her they shrank! Fear makes her grow, and bravery makes her shrink!” “Hmmm…Zoe, what did you see in her eyes?” Chat asked. Zoe trembled. “I-I was just a ghost, drifting through the world, invisible to everyone.” “She can make you see visions of your worst fears,” Ladybug grimaced. “Combine that with her blackout powers, tenacious slime, probable ability to turn invisible, and likely supernaturally high speed…this is going to be one tough fight. Do either of you know what Mylene is afraid of? Hawk Moth might be making her do something ironic.” “She hates the dark,” Chloe recalled. “She invited us to her house for a sleepover once and she had like, three nightlights on at once. I wasn’t able to sleep at all.” “That explains why she can turn the lights out,” Chat said before it hit her. “Wait…she’s taking people. What if she’s putting them in the darkest part of the school?” “The boiler room!” Ladybug exclaimed. “That’s in the basement! And it has no windows, so when the building is closed at night it doesn’t get any light from anywhere!” “How did you know that?” Chloe questioned. “I’ve been here before, Chloe.” “Oh yeah. Well, keep out of trouble you two. And try to raid some alcohol from Mendeleiev’s room, it might dissolve the goo.” The heroes nodded and fled. “Zoe?” “I wasn’t able to come up with anything,” Zoe sighed. “Maybe you’re better off chasing akumas without me, or at the very least my dumb brain.” “Zoe, you have the brain of a Bourgeois. How can it be dumb?” Her sister smiled a bit.Chat rammed her staff into the door to the boiler room, which cracked from the force. A heavy shove from Ladybug and it opened. “Mylene!” Ladybug called into the darkness, two spray bottles of isopropanol in her lower hands. “We’re here to save you from Hawk Moth!” “Hawk Moth!” Chat declared. “We’re here to save Mylene from you and purify your moth! Send any more and we’ll start tagging them to find out where you live! Assuming that they return home once purified, that is.” “An excellent entrance, young heroes, bra-VO,” Hawk Moth said sarcastically from somewhere inside the boiler room, only visible via a purple outline around a section of inky blackness. “But I’m afraid that it’s all for naught. Horrificator is in need of my services for a little while longer.” “Horrifi– Hawk Moth, that’s dehumanizing! Let Mylene speak for herself!” Ladybug snapped. “I’m afraid that she cannot. Would you like to see why? Come on inside.” “This is a trap,” Chat swallowed, but they did as they were asked, entering the boiler room to see several egg-shaped capsules made of hardened slime littering the floor. They saw Alix’s head sticking out of a capsule before a shimmering appendage stuck to her head and drained a red energy out of her before shoving her inside and sealing it up with slime. The boiler room went dark, but not completely, and then something shimmered as Mylene finally became visible. She’d been turned into a beast resembling a hot pink mouse the size of a rhinoceros, with four blue arms and four blue legs and eight mustard yellow eyes that occasionally blinked, her skin smooth and rubbery. Her tail, long and ratlike, ended in a four-fingered hand with two thumbs, one on either side, and a blue mane resembling her human form’s wavy, rainbow-dyed hair sprouted from her head and neck to make her seem far bigger than she actually was, her necklace tangled within the strands. She let out a snuffle, showing a wide mouth with rodent-like teeth that dripped with purple saliva. “Her phobia of public speaking rendered her mute,” Hawk Moth explained with a guilty sigh. “When I changed her I’d hoped to simply make her overconfident and risk-taking, but she had so much more fear than resentment of being fearful that the akuma latched onto the wrong emotion. Fortunately for her, she can cure herself with a little help from her schoolmates.” “That red stuff,” Chat gasped. “It’s courage.” “Correct. The more courage that Horrificator consumes, the less she fears, and the less restricted her abilities become. Already she’s cured herself of her phobias of lightning and leishmania; with the bravery of a superhero in her belly she’ll lose her fear of the dark completely and be able to move in the light. And with the bravery of two superheroes she’ll look less like a mouse doing an impression of a spider.” “I don’t have time for this,” Ladybug said sternly. “Lucky Charm!” She received a portable media player that she immediately turned on. “It only has one song…‘Smelly Wolf’. Hey, wait a minute, I think Mylene’s social media said that this is her favorite comfort song! Chat, if we play this for her we can get her to calm down!” “Time to go to sleep, Mylene! We’re not afraid of you!” Chat declared. Mylene shrank. “Milady, it works! Keep bragging about your bravery!” “I can fly and not barf! What do I gotta fear from Hawk Moth?” Shrink. “I can fence like a pro! Beat that!” Shrink. “I can lift fifty times my own weight! I’m fucking AWESOME!” Two big shrinks, and Mylene was now half her original size. “And I can also do THIS! CATACLYSM!” Chat used Cataclysm on the floor, making a pit under Mylene’s feet that trapped her there as she shrank to the size of her non-akumatized self. “Now we can–” Mylene spat slime at Chat, pinning her to the wall. “Mayyyyyybe we should’ve gone for her mouth first.” Ladybug swallowed, a moment of great fear that allowed Mylene to regrow large enough for her tail to reach a pipe in the ceiling and pull her out of the hole. Ladybug frantically tried to use the alcohol to dissolve the slime, but it wasn’t able to work fast enough. Back to her original size, Mylene tackled Ladybug to the floor and slimed her, then carried her to a corner where no one else was. She quickly spat up a capsule, shoved Ladybug inside, then extracted her courage. She did the same with Chat and her extra limbs and eyes disappeared. “And now, Horrificator, you can move in the light!” Hawk Moth declared proudly. “Eat some more courage, my girl, and you’ll cure your fear of heights next!” Mylene nodded, turned invisible, and dashed out of the room with superhuman speed.The twins had gotten bored with reading the dictionary and were now on their phones. Well, Chloe was on her phone; Zoe was still out of it. “All I wanted to do was be in a movie where I wasn’t the monster,” she sighed. “And now I’m in a movie where the monster’s hunting me.” Chloe gave a small hum of acknowledgement but didn’t say anything – at least, not until something purple dripped onto the dictionary from above. “I’m not going to get in trouble for that getting damaged, am I?” she gulped. Mylene pounced in front of them and roared, not bothering to hide anymore. The twins screamed and she grew, then she grabbed them and ran them to the boiler room. Once they were on the ground she looked them over, deciding to conserve her slime until later since the twins would require more of it. She looked at Zoe first. Zoe was a kindred soul, another girl whose mother had run away when she was a toddler over her child being born imperfect, another girl taught to fear the world that despised her. She respected Zoe a lot. Then she looked at Chloe. Despite sharing a bloodstream with her sister Chloe could be very different sometimes – louder, vainer, ruder, all the things that reminded Mylene of her childhood bullies. All the things that Mylene herself wished she was brave enough to be, since Chloe’s personality, while sometimes hard to deal with, could be useful if applied towards protecting her friends. Chloe would go first. Mylene’s tail inched closer to her face as she stared her fellow blonde down, Chloe whimpering under Mylene’s psychic gaze…then a hand grabbed the end of her tail and squeezed. “Hey!” Mylene turned her gaze and didn’t quite believe what she saw: Zoe rarely got angry, but she was livid now. Mylene growled, but Zoe wasn’t having it. “No, Cock Moth! I’m not doing this dance with you! Thanks to you I missed out on my totally big film debut! I’m not gonna get another chance like that EVER, I’m that much of a freak of nature! So let go of my friend Mylene AND GET OUTTA MY SCHOOL YOU WANNABE PURPLE BUTTWIPE!” The room went deathly silent as Mylene shrank down to her human size. Chloe smiled proudly at her sister, then saw the PMP on the floor. “Zoe, that’s Ladybug’s Lucky Charm! Let’s use it!” Mylene’s gaze snapped to the PMP and she tried to grab it. “You want it? Go get it!” Zoe said, letting go of Mylene’s tail. Mylene raced toward the PMP and pressed the play button, Hawk Moth not recognizing the song until it played:
Smelly wolf, smelly wolf, trapped in the stinky hut…
Smelly wolf, smelly wolf, I'm gonna kick your butt.
Smelly wolf, smelly wolf, stinky breath and slimy drool,
Smelly wolf, smelly wolf, you are just silly!
Mylene started shaking, and as she shook she shrank, the stolen courage bleeding off of her like red mist. “She was afraid of herself more than we were afraid of her,” Zoe gasped, hand going to her mouth. “Poor Mylene.” “Zo, look!” Chloe pointed at Mylene’s necklace, which was getting looser. When Mylene shrank to the size of a cat it fell off entirely. “That has to be her akumatized item! But where are the heroes?” The courage permeated the room. A staff tore through a capsule from the inside, while four fists punched another open. “GIRLS!” Chat gasped as she stuck her head out. “The necklace!” Chloe used her foot to pick the necklace off the floor, then kicked it towards the feline heroine, who snapped the clasp, freed the moth within, and purified it. “Smelly bug,” Chloe quipped as it flew out of the boiler room before handing Ladybug the PMP. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The slime disappeared, Mylene’s necklace was fixed while the girl herself resumed her human form, and everyone was magically put back to the spots they were standing when Mylene had abducted them. And not a moment too soon; Chat and Ladybug’s Miraculous beeped their one-minute warnings, and they quickly dashed away. The twins exited the library to see Ivan retrieve his lucky pin from the floor and restore it to its rightful place on his chest. “Alright, head count! Is everyone here?” “We’re here, Bruel,” Chloe said as she patted her sister’s head. “And it was thanks to this one’s acting that you’re not still slimed.” “Acting?” Alya questioned. “Mylene’s akumatized form got bigger when you showed fear in front of her,” Zoe explained with a smirk. “So when she kidnapped us I pretended I was major ticked off to get her to shrink.” “Attagirl, Zoe! That’s the kind of thing that’ll net you acting parts!” Nino declared. “Speaking of which, wanna finish your audition?” “‘Yah, like, I’d have to be a major space cadet to think there was like, an alien slime thang eatin’ mah peeps. Like, barf out!’” “And cut! You’ve got the parts!” “I’m gonna be on film!” Zoe cheered. “A fiction film, not a documentary, I’ve been on those!” she amended. “I’m so proud of you, Zoe.” Everyone turned to see a restored Mylene, a bit wobbly on her knees, giving her a smile. “And I’m proud of YOU, Mylene. You’re probably one of the bravest people I know. It takes a lot of bravery to even get up in the mornings when the world seems to hate you.” “Actually, I’m a little braver than that now,” Mylene said with a smile. “I don’t remember everything, but I do know that Hawk Moth’s scheme let me keep some of the effects. I’m not scared of lightning or leishmania or the dark anymore! That last one’s going to reduce my energy use for certain.” “Hope that doesn’t mean I’m scared of the dark now, I happen to be a night person,” Nathaniel frowned. “But good job, Mylene!” “Yeah, good job!” “MARINETTE!” Alya cried. “Where’ve you been, girl?” “Mylene didn’t go into the bathrooms, I guess even Hawk Moth has standards. An akuma, sure, but not an akumatized person,” Marinette said as she joined the group. “Me too,” Adrien agreed as he joined Marinette. The bell rang. “And there’s the bell. Sorry we couldn’t get more done, Nino.” “It’s okay, we’ve got a few more weeks. And Mylene? I expect you to be there tomorrow for Agent Smith interviews,” Nino grinned. “‘You're suggesting we run, Officer Jones? After it devoured my family, my friends, even my beloved dog Sniffles? Never! I won't run! I no longer fear it, I'm going to face it, then I'll take it down!’” Mylene declared. “Nevermind! You got the part!” Everyone clapped for her, the twins doing so in their unusual three-handed way, and Mylene basked in something she thought she’d never experience: mass praise for her talents. She’d never feared anything less.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“So…I’ve been told that this is what I looked like,” Mylene said, showing a picture of Horrificator to the rest of the Akuma Club. “All of my fears made manifest. She was me. My soul.” She trembled a bit. “Take your time, Mylene,” Mireille said gently. Mylene exhaled. “I’ve been afraid of a lot of things for my entire life. Some of them because of incidents; my fear of mice came from a time as a little kid when I got bit by one. Others came from understanding them better; my fear of global warming got worse as I got older and learned more about it. Some of them just…were; the dark and lightning, both things that Hawk Moth took away as a side-effect of my time spent.” “That IS weird,” Alix pondered. “How much of a permanent mental effect does the dude even have?” “And that’s not even the weirdest part. Ladybug told me afterwards that Hawk Moth actually apologized for turning me into Horrificator. He hadn’t planned it, it turns out I was supposed to be a daredevil or something. His akuma’d gotten my fear by mistake, it was supposed to get my resentment of having so much fear.” “Hawk Moth can empathize?” Nathaniel asked. “Never thought I’d see the day.” “It would explain several things about how he operates,” Max mused. “Hawk Moth preferentially transforms those who have a grudge that they wish to resolve; of the twelve akumatizations thus far all but Alix’s and Mylene’s have been at least somewhat based on getting revenge on those who slight them.” “Maybe that’s why we’re the only ones who remember any part of our time transformed,” Alix guessed. “Revenge consumes everything.” “Fear can too,” Mylene replied. “Yeah, and get this: I looked at the news broadcast of Jagged’s akumatization, right when Hawk Moth was talking to him,” Alya said. “I enhanced the audio, and guess what? Hawk Moth’s a dad! He has a son that he’s very protective of!” “Well, then I guess he isn’t my dad,” Aurore mused. “Or any dad who only has daughters, that narrows things down a bit. And now we also have a motivation, he wants the Ladybug & Black Cat Miraculous to do something for his son…but what could he want that justifies turning me into a public danger? I nearly froze the whole city for goodness sake!” She shook. “I-I could’ve killed someone!” “It’s okay, girl, it’s okay. The Cure fixed everything, nobody died or got seriously injured. Not even me or Manon.” Aurore exhaled. “Yeah…glad that’s what happened. Magic is totally bogus.” “THAT we can all agree on,” Nathaniel snarked, and the rest of the club nodded in agreement.In addition to working in Nino’s film as Agent Smith’s mother, Marinette was the crew’s resident costume designer. “Do you think this looks police-y enough?” she asked Tikki. Tikki tilted her head at the police uniform resting on a mannequin. “You know, maybe I’m not the best judge of that. I still keep thinking it should be a redcoat.” “Because you’re red?” “No, because I was in Concord during the Revolution. I made so many cannons.” “You were in the American Revolution?!” “I’ve been a lot of places. Southern China, Egypt, Greece, Japan, Mexico, Namibia, South Korea, Vietnam, the United States, before the British destroyed the monastery and Fu took me to France I did a stint in Tibet for a few decades.” “So…” “No, you can’t use me to cheat on your history homework.” “Can you at least tell me if this looks nice?” Tikki squinted. “Well, I think it kinda looks like what Sabrina’s dad wears, so I think that’s as good as I can manage.” “Marinette?” Tikki hid inside Marinette’s pillow as Sabine entered the room. “Dinner’s ready.” “Oh, thanks for telling me Mom! I’ll be right–” Marinette’s foot caught on the mannequin’s foot and she fell on her back, taking the mannequin down with her. “...under my mannequin. Flirt.” Sabine grimaced. “Looks like I’ll need to give you another serving of ice packs and love.”“Dad?” Mylene asked, looking up from her plate. “You’re awfully quiet tonight.” Her father, Fred Harprele, sighed. “I’m just worried about tomorrow. It’s not every day something I write gets performed in the Bataclan. I just hope the audience likes it.” “There’s more to it.” It wasn’t a question. “Mylene, I don’t want you to worry, but…people are starting to say things about me. After what happened to you on Wednesday some people think it’s a sign I’m a bad parent. And, um, some of them think that I should be…‘disciplining’ you.” Mylene made a face. “You mean they think I should be spanked for getting afraid enough to get akumatized.” “Yeah. But don’t you worry about it. Your mother left because I wouldn’t let her do that to you, and I’m not about to let someone else try. Besides, you’re a big girl now, you could probably take ‘em.” Mylene giggled. “Something tells me I’d need a Miraculous for that. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were more than two? Well, three I suppose given Hawk Moth?” “Yeah,” Fred sighed wistfully. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”The next morning Fred got in his car and started driving. When he came to a red light, his phone rang. He put it on speaker. “Hello?” “Fred, it’s Chris,” a man said from the other end. “There’s been an accident on Haussmann Boulevard, part of the road’s closed until they get it cleared. You’ll have to go through the 4th Arrondissement to get to the Bataclan.” “Thanks for telling me, Chris, I’ll take the detour.” And Fred started driving in a different direction onto streets much more densely-packed, which Fred assumed was the fault of the accident. Several minutes later he received another call. “Yes?” “Fred, where are you?!” a woman cried. “The dress rehearsal’s in three minutes!” “I’m sorry, Sarah. Chris told me there was a car accident on Haussmann, I had to take a detour,” he apologized. “What accident?! There’s no accident on Haussmann, I just got the traffic report from there! I can’t believe you’d lie like this! Fred, if you don’t show up soon Chris will be taking your part!” She hung up. Fred’s eyes widened as he realized he’d been had. “SON OF A–” “Ahhhhh,” Zoe sighed as Fu finished the lower back massage. “Thanks, Mr. Fu. With two spines on one weird pelvis we get a ton of pain in there.” “You’re welcome,” Fu replied as he helped them off the table. “Now girls, I believe it’s time for you to try your next Miraculous. Tell Ladybug and Chat Noire they can come in.” “Ladies, we’ve got work to do!” Chloe barked, sticking their heads out the massage room’s door. “We’re coming,” Chat said, pocketing the phone on her staff. “I just got to Level 30.” “I still can’t believe you got Sugar Smash on those things.” “Perks of modern living.” Once the door was closed Chat asked “Mr. Fu, since they’re testing the zodiac Miraculous would the ox be next?” “Not quite a taurine ox, but a bovine all the same,” Fu nodded as he retrieved a nose ring lined with five spikes from the Miracle Box. “Stompp, the heroes are here.” A Kwami resembling a humanoid blue water buffalo materialized in a flash of blue light. “Morning, girls. I’m Stompp, the Water Buffalo Kwami of Determination,” he said in a deep, nasally voice, his accent resembling the mooing of a cow. “I grant the power of Resistance, which grants immunity to any other magic save the Ladybug Cure and the Black Cat’s Purification spell until you time out. When using Resistance the illusions of the Fox cannot trick you, the shield of the Box Turtle cannot stop you, and the sting of the Honeybee cannot halt you. It’s also the only known power that can ignore Earth magicks entirely.” “Earth magicks?! You mean to tell me that Earth has magic TOO?!” Chloe cried. “It does,” Fu nodded. “It can be very different from that of a Kwami’s, to the point where some Earth spells can’t be undone by the Ladybug Cure. However, most information about Earth’s spells has long since been destroyed by various empires beginning in the Inquisition, so discovering Earth magic these days is unlikely.” “To transform you say ‘Oxen freed’, and to detransform you say ‘Oxen penned’,” Stompp continued. “My power-up food is grass, and I have a preference for sugarcane. Your particular weapon is a hammer. Now, I know of your dislike of piercings and I myself find giving calves nose rings a cruel practice, so I shall change my Miraculous to accommodate.” His blue eyes glowed yellow and the nose ring expanded into a necklace ending in a curved brass arch resembling a yoke, five metal plates fanning out in a fringe. “There. Now let’s transform.” The twins played rock-paper-scissors and Zoe won. She donned the necklace, then the twins shouted “OXEN FREED!” and were transformed. They emerged clad entirely in dark blue leather, the toeboxes of their boots split in half like cloven hooves. the necklace embedded into Zoe’s chestpiece. Fake cow tails dangled from their rears, and dark blue bandannas were tied over their now-brown eyes in such a way that their ends resembled cow ears. They each wore a headband ending in backwards-facing buffalo horns, Chloe’s straight and Zoe’s curved, and their hair had turned chartreuse with Chloe’s in twin braids and Zoe’s in a half-up-half-down bun. “We’re wearing leather,” Chloe groaned. “Why are we wearing leather?” “Um, because we’re cows?” Zoe reminded her. “Anyway, wow, I feel really strong now. We’d better be careful with handling small things while we’re like this.” Something started vibrating on her side. “Whoa! What is that?!” “It’s your weapon, since you’re the one wearing the Miraculous it’s on your side,” Ladybug said as Zoe found the large, dark blue war hammer holstered to her outer hip. Zoe picked it up, impressed by her enhanced strength. “I think that’s the phone. How do I–” The phone shot out of the hammer’s head like a CD being ejected from a boombox. “Oh, it’s by thought. Hey, we have an akuma alert on this thing…we have an akuma.” “Check the news,” Chloe suggested. Zoe did so, accessing the news via thought alone, and saw a periwinkle-skinned mime driving an invisible car. “It’s an evil mime. Looks like he can make invisible things.” “Naturally,” Chat remarked. “Say, I think this is a good time for you to test the Water Buffalo. Since Resistance negates other kinds of magic you might be able to destroy his constructs.” “But how do we do that without Hawk Moth seeing us?” Zoe frowned. “We’ll figure that out later. Right now we need to stop this mime from causing vehicular manslaughter,” Ladybug said as she spread her wings. “See you later, Master Fu.” “Good luck, heroes,” Fu replied.Fred sped down the street in his invisible car. Roger saw him go by and blinked. “Uh…that happened.” He got a call on his radio. “Hello?” “Lieutenant, we just saw a mime break the speed limit in an unregistered invisible vehicle, we suspect involvement of Hawk Moth,” a patrol officer said. “Since you have experience with him we’re asking for advice. Hawk Moth, that is, not the mime. Unless you recognize him?…” Roger thought for a moment. “I didn’t recognize him, but I know he shouldn’t be driving that fast. Tell everyone to clear the streets, with him going that fast in a car you can’t see it’s not safe to be on the roads.” “Roger…uh, I mean, over.” The call ended. Roger sighed. “So this is my life now.” He heard flapping and looked up to see Ladybug carrying Chat in her arms. “Ladybug! Chat Noire! Hello up there! The villain’s in the Fourth Arrondissement heading east! Try to make him visible!” “Thank you, Lieutenant! We’ll be out of your hair as soon as we can get him to stop! Stay safe!” she replied. To Chat she asked “Did they get it?” “Yep!” Chat said after sending a text. “Now let’s think of a Lucky Charm we can use to make him visible without causing collateral damage!” “Working on it, kitty!”The twins, detransformed to keep their cover, got off the train. Stompp poked his head out from Zoe’s purse once no one was looking their way. “How close are we?” he whispered before ducking back inside. “We’re ahead of him at the moment,” Chloe replied as she looked at her phone, which now had a Miraculous groupchat. Then she saw that she had several unread messages in her primary groupchat. “Zoe, we’ve got unreads in the chat.” “Oh! Can’t miss those.”
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Alya
The Ladyblog | Saturday October 3 2015 | Akuma sighting in the 4th Arrondissement…
its a fuckign mime im DEAD
Alix
fuckign
Kim
fuckign
Alya
shut
ANYWAYS stay off the roads 2day if u live in 4th, this dudes goin fast enough to kill
Nino
gas gas gas
im gonna step on the ass
*GAS LOL
Alya
LOL
Mylene
guys.
holy shit.
i think that’s my dad.
he’s got his hat from his play on his head.
this is about the same time he’s supposed 2 be at the bataclan 4 his play.
i think 1 of his coworkers did something 2 him 2 make him b late.
Sabrina
That’s awful! Why would anyone want that?
Mylene
its probably bc i got akumatized.
some of his coworkers especially his understudy really envy his popularity.
now that i’ve been akumatized i think they think its the right time 2 get him out of the way.
since worrying about me would make it easier 2 get things past him.
Alya
in that case i say we let the mime do his stuff
whatever it’ll b
like lockin them in an invisible box and doin the whole show by himself
Rose
That sounds EXACTLY like something a mime villain would do!
Chloe?
Zoe?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Zoe
Sorry, Rose! We just got off the train, we were going shopping when we saw the mime drive past us.
Without a car.
It was very weird to see.
Chloe
We can’t let him keep driving. As much as I want to see Mr. Harprele pay out his shitty coworkers, this isn’t the way to do it.
He’s driving so fast that he might hit someone, and since we can’t see his car the likelihood of that happening is ridiculously high.
Alya
did u see lb n cn?
Chloe
Just saw Ladybug fly over. She’s got something in her hands. No Chat yet.
OH SHIT THE MIME!
The twins hid inside an abandoned newsstand and watched the invisible car speed into view. Then Ladybug flew over it and let fire with a red-and-black paint sprayer that doused the car with red paint. Fred came to a stop and got out of his car, shaking his fist at Ladybug. He tried to reenter the car, only to find that he couldn’t. Dismayed, he started climbing a set of invisible stairs while palming his fists menacingly. “His powers have a limit,” Zoe gasped. “He can only use one invisible thing at a time, otherwise he’d either get back in the car or he’d be making to hit Ladybug with an invisible flyswatter once he gets close enough on his invisible stairs.” “Time to make a diversion so Chat can swipe his hat,” Chloe said. “Stompp, we’re ready. Are you?” “I am,” Stompp said after leaving a newspaper he was reading. “I feel rather lucky today.” “How so?” “The business section said we have a bull market this week.” They stared at him. “Let’s transform.” “Oxen freed!” The twins transformed and tiptoed over behind the car. “On the count of three, we use Resistance and see what it does to his car,” Chloe whispered. “Ready?” “Ready!” Zoe nodded. Ladybug saw the twins from above and decided to draw the attention away from them. “Mr. Mime, please! We can talk about this!” Fred took out a cue card that had “NO” written on it. “Well, you saw him, Chat! Unbelievable!” “Some people,” Chat agreed, her staff balanced between two buildings while Chat herself stood on the staff like the housecat she took the appearance of. Fred growled silently, walked over, then jumped onto the staff. “Whoa! Looks like it’s time to prove that Chats can dance!” And dance she did, effortlessly evading Fred’s swings and kicks while putting on a show for the civilians below, dancing along her staff like a metal tightrope. Ladybug looked nervous at first but ultimately decided to get in on the blonde’s act, swooping down and picking Chat up off her staff to toss her around in increasingly elaborate ways, Fred missing them all the while trying to snag their Miraculous. Fred started to tire until he made himself an invisible glass of water, then kept going as strong as ever. “Okay, the performance is at its peak! Three!” Chloe whispered. “Resistance!” the twins said in a sotto voice. A yellow shell of energy crackled above their skin. Then they touched the invisible car, which promptly blew up in a very visible explosion of blue and yellow light as the magic holding all that solidified air together was released at once, leaving not a single speck of damage to the roads. Fred turned towards the explosion, allowing Chat to steal his hat. “A mime’s hat oughta have the mime’s akuma,” she said. “CATACLYSM!” The moth was released and purified before flying away, and once Ladybug dispensed the Ladybug Cure Fred’s other invisible items also exploded. “And not a moment too soon!” Ladybug said as her Miraculous beeped the two-minute warning. “See you later, folks! Bug out!” She flew away into the explosions. “I’ll get you down, sir, cats always land on their feet,” Chat said. She skittered over to one of the buildings, retrieved her staff, then used it like a fireman’s pole to put Fred back on the ground. “How are you, sir?” “Late. I’m late,” Fred groaned. “My understudy tricked me into taking too long to get to the Bataclan, and now I won’t be able to perform my play. I wrote it myself.” “Don’t worry, Mr. Harprele!” Fred gasped as he saw Chloe and Zoe, who’d detransformed during the explosion while no one could see them, raising their phones high in the air. “We called you a cab!” Chloe said. “We saved your daughter, and we can save you!” Zoe said. “Take us along and we’ll get everything sorted out!” “My daughter’s lucky to have friends like you two,” Fred smiled. “Chat Noire?” “Good luck, Mr. Harprele. Chat Noire AWAY!” And Chat Noire left. “Today has just been ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe exhaled. “I think you mean udder-ly ridiculous,” Stompp said quietly from inside Zoe’s purse. “Between you, Chat, and Adrien I don’t know whose sense of humor is worse.” “Come again?” Fred asked. “Oh! Sorry, that was her talking to me, subvocalizing, twin thing,” Zoe said while smiling reassuringly. Fred bought the lie and turned around to wait for his cab.Sarah exhaled. “Well, Chris, if Fred isn’t going to show up at all then I think it’s time we–” The twins burst into the Bataclan, looking very angry. “CHRISTOPHER DEBURAU!” Chloe yelled. “You’ve got some explaining to do!” “What should I have to explain to you two?” Chris growled. “I don’t have to answer to you, mayor’s kids or not!” “You’ll have to answer to ME, though!” Chris gulped when he saw Fred marching over. “Sarah, you need to hear this!” “Hear what, Fred?” Sarah asked. “Yeah, why should we listen to you? You’ve ten minutes late!” Chris said nervously. “You would know, since that’s why I got AKUMATIZED THIS MORNING!” Fred shouted. Chris paled. “What–” “Look on the news,” Zoe said, showing them the Ladyblog article Alya had posted earlier, the picture of Fred taken off Alya’s TV big and prominent. “Mr. Deburau did this to him. He tricked Mr. Harprele into being late so he could have his spotlight for himself, and Hawk Moth possessed him when he figured it out.” “I’m not surprised, if his weakling of a daughter got turned why not him too?” Chris scoffed. “ANYONE could be turned by Hawk Moth if their emotions are negative,” Fred growled. “And I think he’d find your fear very delicious.” Sarah’s eyes narrowed. “What did he say?” “He said there was a car accident that was blocking the road.” Sarah glared at Chris. “I happened to have been in a car accident, Chris. It’s not something you should ever lie about witnessing. You’re fired. Pack your things and go, I don’t want you in my troupe anymore. I was already considering it given your inappropriate comments about Fred’s daughter, but this has finalized it. Go.” Chris gaped, then whimpered and left. “I’m gonna need a new understudy,” Fred exhaled. “But on the plus side, I won’t need to exercise before we start rehearsals. My akumatized self did quite a lot already based on that video I saw on the ride over. Thanks for taking me here, girls.” “You’re welcome!” Zoe said, then poked Chloe in the ribs. Chloe snapped to attention. “What she said!”That night, Marinette watched a televised version of Fred’s play with her parents. “He’s very good as a writer,” Sabine nodded in approval. “‘The Mime's Extraordinary Adventures’ is sure to become well-regarded among independent play circles. Mylene must be very proud of him.” “She is,” Marinette nodded, the camera briefly capturing a glimpse of Mylene’s smiling face in the front row of the theater in one shot. “He’s one of her biggest heroes.” “Speaking of heroes, I heard that Ladybug and Chat Noire saved Fred from Hawk Moth this morning,” Tom said. “But I think they had to have had help, someone had to have made his invisible car explode.” “They must have a secret sidekick,” Marinette said nervously. “Ah, like the Bourgeois twins. Those two are very brave, risking themselves like that.” “They love their city, Papa. They’d do anything to protect it.” “Truly their father’s daughters,” Sabine chuckled before her expression changed. “Still, I don’t like seeing children in danger like that, especially of the magical sort. Even if their magic makes them stronger and tougher than you or I, something inside of me still aches when I see their brushes with death. Makes me worry about my own.” “Me too, Sabine. But I’d like to see Hawk Moth try to touch our little ladybug.” Marinette smiled at her father’s bravery and went back to watching Fred’s play. Tom might make a good Water Buffalo, although Stompp had said that he wanted a champion who needed to learn what strength truly meant after the twins returned him to Fu. Perhaps Mylene would make the cut, although Marinette was hesitant to partner them since she didn’t want Mylene to be subjected to any more fat cow jokes should her identity be exposed. It was Stompp’s choice in the end, though; that’s how Tikki had ended up with her and Plagg with…whoever Chat was under the mask. Under normal circumstances the Kwamis chose their champions, and woe to those who ever tried to separate them.
Tikki poked her head out of the armrest of the couch while Marinette’s parents were focused on the TV screen, her reflection not showing up in the glass. Marinette reached out and absently scratched the little goddess’ forehead, a gesture that she quietly leaned into. Marinette was glad that Tikki had chosen her, the clumsiest girl in Paris, to be the champion of the oldest and possibly most powerful Kwami. She was glad that there was at least someone who believed that she was destined for greatness on par with all the various champions before.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sabrina hummed as she looked over her math notes. “So Chloe, are you gonna run for class representative this year?” “Nah,” Chloe said with a wave of her hand. “Akuma-chasing means we’ve got less time for school politics. We can be the class rep in spirit besides.” “Yeah. Besides, someone else oughta run this year,” Zoe said before smiling. “Like you!” Sabrina dropped her math notebook. “I– what– me?!” “You’re very organized, Sabs. Name anyone else in our class who color-codes their notebooks by subject.” “Max Kante.” “Then ask him to be your deputy. He’s a good guy, he’ll be responsible enough for the job. Better than Kim was, at least.” “Ugh, because of him our last field trip in sixth grade was to that vampire museum,” Chloe groaned. “I love Kim, I really do, but now I can’t take vampires seriously anymore. Which stinks, because now I laugh at every vampire movie I watch.” “Including the creepy ones,” Zoe sighed resignedly. Sabrina looked at her notebooks and sighed. They were indeed color-coded. “Alright, I’ll do it, and I’ll ask Max to be my deputy. But I expect to get your votes in return!” “Deal,” Chloe said with a smile. “Alright, let’s keep studying, that stupid geometry test on Monday isn’t going to tank my grade in math. Remind me what ‘cosine’ is again?”Adrien, meanwhile, wasn’t studying for the geometry test; he was fencing instead. His rapier clashed against his teacher’s, a sword belonging to a Mr. Armand D’Argencourt who taught physical education at Francoise Dupont in addition to private fencing lessons every Friday and supplemental lessons on Sunday. The instructor pretended to be open for an attack and suddenly lunged, and the student lost both his sword and the match. “Touch.” D’Argencourt removed his mask and smiled. “You’re getting faster, Sir Agreste. I really had to stretch to get you out.” “Thanks!” Adrien beamed after removing his own. “Who taught you that feint?” “Legend says ‘tis a product of the signature style of a knight who roamed the land nine hundred years ago, righting wrongs and saving lives.” He smiled fondly. “My ancestor, known only as The Dark Blade for his blackened armor.” “Ancestor?” Adrien gasped. “Do you mean–” “Indeed! My family had our DNA tested against the bones in his crypt, and they were as perfect a match as they could tell us!” He looked upwards towards the ceiling. “I feel honored to continue his legacy as a swordsman! Well, a teacher of one, at least.” “Wow,” Adrien breathed, stars in his eyes. “You’re AWESOME.” His eyes widened and he laughed nervously. “Not that you weren’t awesome already!” “I know the intent, my boy,” D’Argencourt laughed. “Now please step aside to let Sir Duparc take his place opposite me.” Adrien nodded and stood off to the side of the room to let a boy from Ms. Mendeleiev’s homeroom named Jean go against D’Argencourt. “He’s really interesting, Mr. D’Argencourt,” Adrien decided. “Oh, please!” scoffed a boy with red hair. “He’s about as interesting as a paper towel! All that junk about medieval stuff’s gone right to his head, we should’ve never let him read that stupid knight book.” “I thought the book he read last week was a retelling of King Arthur.” “Which is stupid and boring! You know I’m only in class because my dad wants me to exercise, Agreste, I don’t like fencing like you do. When is fencing going to save someone’s life these days?” Adrien sighed, too resigned to bring up Chat Noire. The worst part was that some of his other fencing classmates were nodding in agreement with Charles. He wished there was someone besides himself in that room who took fencing as seriously as he did. None of them knew that D’Argencourt had heard the whole conversation; in retrospect they should’ve, for Charles wasn’t exactly known for being quiet. And the man’s hurt feelings led to Jean getting the touch.“Okay, everyone, today we’re going to hold elections for class representative!” Ms. Bustier said the following morning. “I want anyone who wishes to declare candidacy to do so now, then we’ll campaign during lunch and vote at the end of the day. Do we have any volunteers?” “I-I’m going to run, Ms. Bustier,” Sabrina said, nervously raising her hand. “A-and I nominate Max as my deputy.” “I wish you’d given me some forewarning,” Max chuckled. “That being said, I accept.” “Dude, I thought you were gonna be MY deputy,” Kim gasped. “Kim, you are one of my closest friends, but you have a very busy schedule already given your swimming lessons. I, however, am not as busy, so therefore I can be involved in student politics without cutting into my studies.” “I’ll show you busy,” Kim growled before raising his hand. “I’m gonna run, Ms. Bustier. And I nominate Marinette as my deputy.” “WHAT?!” Marinette cried as she turned around to face him, banged her elbows into her table, and hissed in pain. “Kim, I’m a terrible pick for deputy! I’m too busy! I have to help my parents with baking, and help Nino with the wardrobe for his film, and then there’s all the plush commissions I’ve been getting from the Ladyblog lately – no, Alya, I’m fine, it’s for a good cause – and then there’s trying to remember to do my homework before ten at night! I have ADHD, Kim, and the meds that would help me think straight make me sick! Oh, and did I mention that I’m THE CLUMSIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL?!” “This got awkward,” Juleka said quietly, most of the class surprised by the outburst. “Naw, Marinette, see? See that passion? That’s good passion!” Kim said with a grin. “That’s why I want you as my deputy! And hey, you know how stubborn I am, you won’t need to focus when I’m doing all the focusing for both of us!” “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe sighed. “Dupain-Cheng, take the damn nomination. He’s been a class rep before, it’s not the worst thing in the world.” Marinette sighed. “Okay, Kim, I’ll accept your nomination. But I want you to be nice to Sabrina and Max, they’re still our friends. Sorry for yelling, everyone.” Kim’s expression softened. “Yeah, they are…sorry, Max, stupid competitiveness got me again. We still cool?” “We are, but I think you need to calm down and think this decision through,” Max said gently. “It’s a big responsibility.” “Yeah. Yeah, it is. Maybe I’ll bum around the courtyard during lunch until I cool off.” “Do we have any other nominations?” Bustier asked nervously. “Chloe? Would you–” “We ran last year, we’re fine not running again,” Chloe replied casually. “‘We’?” “I was her deputy,” Zoe shrugged. “Only way to get us into the council room since they don’t usually let civvies in.” Bustier blinked at the admission.Adrien half-heartedly threw a basketball into the courtyard’s hoop. “The geometry test got you bummed too, man?” Kim asked as he approached the blonde. “No, it’s not that. Some of my classmates in fencing yesterday were saying mean things about Mr. D’Argencourt,” Adrien sighed. “I thought you had fencing on Fridays.” “He does extra lessons on Sundays, I decided to take them this year since I think I’m getting a bit rusty.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, so Adrien thought it was okay. “Oh.” Kim grimaced. “I like Mr. D’Argencourt, his stories make gym a lot more fun. Do you think I messed up in homeroom?” “Marinette…I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but I don’t think she’s got the time to be your deputy this year,” Adrien said at last. “She’s very frantic and I think she needs to just spend a day doing nothing. But her brain won’t let her, will it?” “Yeah, ADHD does that apparently. Her mind just…wanders off halfway through some things, and there’s no real way for her to stop it.” “And Max, well, I know him a bit more through you and Alix. I think he knows you just want to prove to yourself you can handle this job.” Kim smiled. “You know how to be a dude, Adrien. Thanks.” Adrien smiled…and then the happy moment was ruined by several knights in gray armor with green accents rushing into the courtyard. “Whoa!” “Akumatized villain!” Adrien gulped. “And if it’s knights it must be Mr. D’Argencourt!” “Save yourself, bro!” Kim replied as he tripped one of the knights. “I’ll hold ‘em off!” While Kim threw down with the knights, Adrien ran into the bathroom and squeezed the Black Cat Miraculous. “Plagg!” Plagg teleported in front of him. “I think Mr. D’Argencourt’s been akumatized!” “The Dark Blade guy?” Plagg asked before tapping his chin. “Now that I say that out loud I think his ancestor might’ve been one of mine. I was in France in 1154…yeah, Perry D’Argencourt, blonde with a big smile. Kinda like you, actually, but…well, he was a man with washboard abs instead of a big belly when he transformed, for one thing.” “Plagg, that is awesome, but now is really not the time for flashbacks! He’s turning people into knights against their will!” “Well that certainly isn’t chivalrous. Do it, kid!” “Claws out!” Chat left the bathroom and grimaced. “I hope Kim’s alright…time to find Ladybug and the twins.” She raced down the hall.“What do we do?!” Rose cried, huddled on top of a cafeteria table while knights thundered through the room. “These knights are everywhere!” “And I think they got Marinette!” Alix added. “I haven’t seen her since she went to the bathroom!” “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” Chloe exclaimed. “These knights are just taking people and no one’s doing anything!” “They’re knights, Chloe! Armor and swords! Who in their right mind would just walk up to them and try to fight them barehanded?” Zoe asked. “You’d be surprised.” Ladybug touched down in front of their table. “Are you guys okay?” “We’re fine for the moment, Ladybug, but we need to get out of here before these knights take us!” Sabrina exclaimed. “When I was flying here I saw a bit of how the knights distribute themselves. They seem to be the densest in the courtyard, and I’ve counted at least twenty.” “I think it’s Mr. D’Argencourt,” Chat said as she joined her partner. “His fencing class is held in the courtyard when the weather’s nice, and he sure loves his medieval stuff.” “How did you know that?” Alix questioned. “I ran into your friend Adrien and he said that people in his fencing class were making fun of Mr. D’Argencourt yesterday. I feel bad for him.” “Great, Hawk Moth’s using midlife crises now,” Chloe sighed. “Do you want us to do anything?” “We need to find out why he’s taking people but we can’t tell which knight is him,” Ladybug said. “Alya’s already volunteered to sneak in, but I’d feel a lot safer if she had backup.” “Can do, milady!” Zoe saluted. “Hold on, Ladybug. You can’t take all these knights alone,” Sabrina interjected. “Nor can Chat Noire, there’s too many of them. We need to bring our own knights.” She spied something in the corner of her eye. “And I think I might know a way to bring them.” “Sabrina?” Rose gulped. Alix gasped with glee. “Is my little goody-goody Sabrina gonna do something…bad?” “Alix, this is an emergency,” Sabrina said as she stood up and walked towards the cafeteria wall. “This is expected at a time like this.” And then she pulled the fire alarm. While the knights went scrambling around trying to turn off the blaring alarm, Sabrina marched back over to her table. “Follow me, we’ll go down the outer stairwells and leave the building. Remember our fire drill procedures. Chloe, Zoe, stay safe.” “We will, Sabrina,” Chloe said. Ladybug scooped up the twins and flew away, Chat trailing behind her. Sabrina nodded and motioned for her classmates to follow her.In the courtyard, Kim struggled against his captors. “I’ll never tell you Ladybug and Chat Noire’s secret identities! Mostly because I don’t know them either! Let GO!” “Oh, silly boy,” D’Argencourt, now a knight whose armor had red accents instead of green, a shield-shaped crest with a griffin’s head on his chest, crooned. “I don’t want their secret identities. I want their powers. A flying four-handed flail user and a fencing feline would be excellent additions to my army!” “Darkblade, they would lose their power after you give me their Miraculous,” Hawk Moth reminded him via a purple visor over his helmet. “Dude, is that what you sound like? Wow, you sound hoarse. Ever tried tea?” Kim asked. “Of course I drink tea! I’m a man of class. Just knight him already.” Darkblade nodded and took out his rapier, which had been transformed into an enormous longsword with a large red spinel in the middle of the hilt that occasionally blinked like an eye. He turned the sword so the gem faced Kim. “I dub thee Sir Kim of Locker Rooms!” Red light beamed from the gem and hit Kim in the face, then D’Argencourt tapped him on the shoulders with his sword. A flash of green, and Kim was a new knight.Alya, recording the whole thing from underneath the stairwell, gulped. “Now what?” she whispered. “We’re going in,” Chloe decided. “Zoe and I are conjoined twins, that might confuse him. You stay there and don’t let them see you.” “If you say so,” Alya swallowed. “Sure hope the fire department comes quickly.” The twins stood up and marched over. “Excuse me, Mr. D’Argencourt?” Zoe asked. “Uh, what you’re doing isn’t very nice, so please put the sword down and let us talk it out.” “Negative, young princesses,” D’Argencourt said firmly. “I will not rest until I have an army to take care of Paris in ways that it cannot take care of itself already. Terrorist attacks, natural disasters, ALL will bow before me!” “At least we know what he wants now,” Zoe mumbled to her twin. “He called us princesses,” Chloe said. “I feel honored and kinda disturbed.” “If we’re only the mayor’s daughters wouldn’t that make us baronesses, not princesses?” Chloe gave her a look. “Right. Not the time.” Darkblade went to move his sword, but then he paused. “Wait…these maidens have three shoulders, not four. How am I to properly knight them? I cannot verily tap the same shoulder twice, and the gaze of my gem cannot focus on both maidens at once. And making one my knight before the other will not be fair to either. Hawk Moth, how shall I proceed?” The purple visor reappeared. “Find another sword and use your gem on it,” Hawk Moth instructed. “That should make it a copy of your current one, and then you can knight them both at the same time.” “You there, Lady Caline of Blackened Board!” D’Argencourt said, snapping his fingers at another knight. “Fetch me another rapier!” The knight – a transformed Ms. Bustier – nodded and went to find a new rapier. “In the meantime, watch these maidens and do not let them leave.” The twins gulped as a group of knights clustered around them.Ladybug frowned as she watched Alya’s stream on her yo-yo, a group of students huddled around Sabrina in front of the school. “The akuma’s in his sword. I don’t think I can fight one of those.” “That’s where I come in,” Chat replied. “I can fence, I’ll disarm him and break the sword once it’s out of his hands. You need to help the fire department get inside and evacuate everyone that Sabrina wasn’t able to get out.” They heard a siren. “Here they are.” “Ladybug! Chat Noire!” a firewoman said as she got out of her truck. “What’s going on?” “There’s an akumatized villain holding people hostage in the school, ma’am, we could use your help getting them out,” Ladybug said. “Hawk Moth’s victim sealed the doors shut once we got out, I think they might be enchanted for extra toughness,” Sabrina piped up. “None of us have been able to break them down.” “Believe me, I tried,” Ivan said while clutching his shoulder in pain. “Enchanted? Then I guess it’s a good thing I have Lucky Charm!” Ladybug got a medieval axe twice her height with an elytrum-shaped blade and a red-and-black handle. “I guess I’m on theme today too. Stand back, everyone, this is gonna get messy!” She swung the axe at the front doors and they cleaved clean in half, sending a spray of splinters and a pulse of red magic flying. Behind her, a fireman looked at his own axe and sighed at how much smaller it was. “Thanks, Ladybug,” the firewoman nodded. “Alright, crew, start the second round of evacuations! And don’t hurt those knights, they’re also victims of Hawk Moth!” “I’ll help you fend off the knights,” Ladybug said as she shouldered her axe. “Chat’s going after their leader to put a stop to this mess once and for all. Chat, get ready.” Chat took out her staff and twirled it around before getting into a fencing stance. “I was born ready.”“My liege, we have trouble!” Ms. Bustier said as she raced back to the courtyard. “There are great red beasts with men in them, and they’re taking us away from our castle! What do we do?” “What do we do? We fight them, of course!” D’Argencourt declared, unsheathing his sword. “But first, where’s my second rapier?” “Right here, my liege.” She handed him another rapier and he turned towards the twins, who held each other fearfully. “Be quick about it,” Hawk Moth told D’Argencourt, sounding somewhat unsure for once. Suddenly, Chat’s staff extended into the scene with enough force to snap the rapier’s blade off its hilt. Everyone looked down at the broken sword, then back up. “D’Argencourt!” Chat declared. “Have you no honor?! These women have no weapons of their own!” “I mean, I have a bottle of perfume in my purse, I could use that as mace if these guys weren’t wearing helmets,” Zoe mentioned. “No, your fight is with me, D’Argencourt! I am a cat with a sword, and I challenge you to a duel!” “Very well!” D’Argencourt threw his broken rapier aside and drew his longsword. “HAVE AT THEE!” He lunged and the duel began. Chat had fought rapiers plenty of times, as had D’Argencourt, and they both knew their way around the lightweight swords. A longsword, especially one the length of a person, was a whole different kind of blade with a radically different fighting style, and it showed: D’Argencourt had trouble adjusting his muscle memory to the heavier, unwieldy piece of metal even with his enhanced strength. Behind them, Zoe saw the broken rapier nearby and got an idea. “Chloe, do you still have that metal nail file in your pocket?” she whispered. “Yeah, what do you need it for?” Chloe asked as she retrieved the item in question from her jeans pocket, confused by the request. “I’ve got an idea.” Zoe retrieved her perfume from her purse. “Take this in your left hand and help me scoot over to that hilt.” Chloe helped her scoot, and while the other knights weren’t paying attention Zoe picked it up. “When I say ‘go’ start spraying the perfume, then stick the file out in front of it. I’ll do the rest. Stand up.” They stood. “Go!” Chloe started spraying perfume, then held the file in front of the nozzle. Zoe angled the broken end of the hilt, then scratched it against the file. Eventually a very small spark came off and the perfume erupted into a makeshift flamethrower, startling the knights and making them back off. “Yeah, you’d BETTER run!” Zoe declared, a wicked gleam in her eyes as the twins waved the flame around, corralling the knights against the wall. Elsewhere, Chat was still fighting D’Argencourt. He’s getting better with that sword… she thought before it hit her. Idea! She started the moves of D’Argencourt’s feint, the akumatized villain too focused on adjusting his fighting style to match his weapon to realize the trap. Chat made it look like she was open, D’Argencourt lunged, she struck, his sword went flying into a wall. Alya raced out of her hiding space and snatched the sword before D’Argencourt could retrieve it, the knights too scared of the twins to help out. “This is mine now!” she called. D’Argencourt roared and made to go after her, only for a metal staff to hit him in the gut hard enough to knock him down. “Touch,” Chat quipped. “I win. Alya, the sword?” “Here you go, milady,” Alya said as she handed the sword to the heroine. “Thank you, milady.” They giggled as Chat Cataclysmed the sword and purified the moth. “Ladybug, over to you!” “MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!” The Ladybug Cure restored the world, detransforming the knights, fixing the doors and rapier, and refilling the twins’ now-doused perfume bottle. “Alya coming in clutch!” Zoe grinned as she high-fived Alya. “No one expects the reporter!” Alya laughed. “How are you feeling, Mr. D’Argencourt?” “Ugh…” he groaned, blinking awake. “I feel like I was trampled by a horse. What happened?” “You got upset about no one taking your love of fencing seriously, and Hawk Moth akumatized you over it,” Chat said. “I had to defeat you with the D’Argencourt Feint.” “You know it?” he gasped. “I do. Your ancestor The Dark Blade was a previous Black Cat hero. Guess you’re not the only one living up to his legacy, huh?” She gave him a big smile that showed her fangs. “Let me know if you ever want me to sit in on your fencing lessons, I’m sure a superhero can teach your students a thing or two.” “I’d like that,” D’Argencourt said gratefully. “Well, if that’s all settled, Chat Noire must be heading home. There’s some stinky cheese in the fridge with my name on it.” She scampered off. D’Argencourt smiled and looked at the sky. “Thank you, ancestor,” he bowed. “Thank you for sending her to Paris.”“Alright, even though we couldn’t have any speeches today due to the akumatization, we’ve still gotten enough votes to find out who our class representative & deputy will be,” Ms. Bustier said. “And our winners are Sabrina and Max in a near-landslide victory!” “Way to go, Sabrina!” Alix clapped before stopping. “But wait, only a near landslide?” “Alix, Sabrina and I voted for Kim and Marinette,” Max said with a smile. “We weren’t allowed to vote for ourselves, you know.” “Yeah, it’s against the rules,” Sabrina giggled. Kim chuckled too. “My dumb ass got turned into a knight while you got like, fifteen people out of the school. You earned it. But hey, you did something I would do, at least.” “Kim, if you’re implying you’re going to pull the fire alarm…” Bustier said sternly. “No, I’m not.” “Good.” The final bell rang. “Oh, and the day’s over. Good luck, everyone, and stay safe.” As the kids started packing up and leaving for home, Zoe grinned at Sabrina. “See? You’ll be fine. You earned it.” “I did, didn’t I?” Sabrina replied. “But y’know, Zoe, things are gonna be different now that I’m in charge.” “Oh yeah? How so?” “My first act as representative will be to disallow flamethrowers in school. Seriously, you two could’ve gotten yourselves burned like that.” “We won’t be doing that again, trust us,” Chloe reassured her. “That perfume was expensive.” Sabrina gave a fond sigh at her antics.Far away in Tokyo, a girl with short hair stood off to the side of her kendo class and gave a much wearier sigh. It wouldn’t be long, now; the 2015 winter term would be her last in Japan. Once December came she and her mother would pack their bags and move to Paris to be closer to her mother’s new business partner, a man named Gabriel Agreste whose stoic demeanor supposedly obscured a deep love for his only son. Kagami wouldn’t know, she hadn’t heard of him until a few weeks ago. She’d never liked change. The way her mind worked meant that change was far scarier for her than it was for her classmates. She’d have to find alternatives to all the samefoods that she wouldn’t be able to get in France, figure out how to adjust to the different morning hours & shorter schoolyear, double-down on her French lessons (at least its alphabet was the same as the English one so she wouldn’t be illiterate)... But perhaps it wouldn’t be all bad. Kagami had heard that France’s special education was much better than Japan’s, as they were willing to acknowledge that people like her existed. She’d heard that school bullying was condemned more than it was condoned due to different attitudes regarding social hierarchies. And she’d heard that Francoise Dupont was one of the more liberal schools in the part of Paris where she’d be moving to, not least due to the efforts of Mayor Andre Bourgeois to make a safe environment for his rather unusual daughters. She’d also heard of the akumas, corrupted humans from a plot right out of her manga collection, but Tomoe hadn’t cared; as long as Kagami hid her emotions they wouldn’t bother her, so she said. But Kagami was sick of hiding her emotions; she’d been doing that since her father died and her mother went blind. She’d been doing that after she was diagnosed and her teachers learned that she felt things twice as strongly as a neurotypical person did. She’d been doing that ever since her strict and cruel grandfather told her that a girl shouldn’t cry if a boy pulled her hair. She wanted to be free. Free like that playful black cat with big green eyes and a dopey smile. Free like that caring ladybug who flew like a speeding bullet and struck like a freight train. Free like that carefree reporter who was brave enough to steal a sword from a knight in armor. Free like those bold & brash blonde twins who made a flamethrower on school grounds to protect those who no doubt mocked them for their conjoined visage.Someday she’d be like them, soaring through the air like a great red dragon. Someday she’d be free. Someday, someday, someday. Someday she’d be too.
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“Marinette, there’s a delivery we need to make today, but our deliverypoeple are on their own journeys and we’re not available to do so ourselves,” Tom said as he approached his daughter that afternoon. “Can you do it? Please?” “Uh…Papa, I’m flattered, but don’t you remember what happened the last time I made a delivery for you?” Marinette asked. “What are the chances another giant catfish will jump out of the Seine and eat the box? Besides, it’s just down the corner, it should only take you a minute to get there.” He handed her a box with an address on it. “Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to that wedding cake, the client wants it frosted like the Mona Lisa.”“You’ll be fine, Marinette,” Tikki said from inside Marinette’s purse once outside. “I’m here right now, and I can make you luckier with my powers.” “You’d do that?” Marinette gasped. “Oh, Tikki, thank you! I’ll make sure to repay you!” “Well, if you insist on repaying me, can my next batch of recharge cookies have jellybeans in them?” “Sure, but why jellybeans?” “They remind me of aphids.” “...right, aphids eat plant sap, they’re basically living candy.” Suddenly, a motorcycle roared past them, nearing a puddle. “Shit!” Marinette quickly lifted her arms over her head to protect the box. Thankfully, Tikki’s small pulse of luck protected the box; the same sadly couldn’t be said of Marinette’s pants, which were splattered in mucky brown water that oddly seemed to shimmer blue. “I had to wear my favorite white pants today.” She heard a tiny cough. “Tikki?” Tikki stuck her head out of the purse, her complexion somewhat blue. “There was magic in that water,” she coughed. “Earth magic.” “Which can make you sick,” Marinette frowned. “Damnit. At least the box is okay. Stay strong, Tikki, I’ll get you to Master Fu as soon as I can.” “I’ll try,” Tikki gagged as she disappeared into the purse.“Marinette, you look sad,” Rose said the following day before science class. “What’s wrong? You’ve been out of it all day.” “I got splattered by mud during a delivery for my parents yesterday, ruined my favorite pair of pants and now I’m itchy,” Marinette huffed while she scratched at her hands. “Just ignore my bad mood, Rose, I don’t wanna bring you down.” “It’s no trouble, Marinette. Meeting my pen-pal Ali for the first time in two years is exciting, sure, but I don’t like seeing you upset either.” “Ali’s coming? Your pen-pal Ali?” Zoe questioned, having overheard their conversation. “Yeah! We met during a study on genetic types of rickets, we’ve been writing ever since and he’s coming here tonight to talk about stuff.” Rose checked her watch and jolted. “Oh, goodness me! I’m late for my pills.” She reached into her backpack and took out a bottle of water followed by a bottle of vitamin D & calcium carbonate capsules. “Ms. Lavillant!” Ms. Mendeleiev darted over. “Remember what I said about food and drink in my class?” “Ms. Mendeleiev, it’s for Rose’s medication, not anything bad,” Marinette interjected. “She just doesn’t like to stand in the hallway to do it because she doesn’t like people staring.” “Usually she takes them before you get here,” Juleka mumbled. Rose showed her teacher the label on her pills and Mendeleiev sighed. “Ms. Lavillant, if you have a medical condition I would like to know about it beforehand. I may be stern, but I am a woman of knowledge first and foremost, if I don’t know certain things about you then I cannot help you. Understand?” Rose nodded. “Excellent. Now take your pills and make sure you don’t spill any water, we’re doing combustion experiments today.” While Mendeleiev snapped back to the board the twins exchanged a glance. “Say, Rose?” Zoe whispered. “Wanna go perfume shopping with us after school?” “Sure,” Rose whispered back. “Have to make a good impression on Ali, after all.” Marinette watched the exchange and smiled to herself. A good plan on Zoe’s part; if Rose was focused on spending time with Ali, Hawk Moth might not be able to akumatize her over her pills. And given Tikki’s current illness that was not something she wanted to deal with today. She scratched her hands again; was she allergic to mud now?“Good, they have it in stock,” Chloe said as she took a bottle of Zoe’s perfume off the rack. “I know the cure refilled it after D’Argencourt, but it might not always be so nice.” “Yeah, and we have that big charity drive tomorrow night besides,” Zoe agreed. “Charity drive?” Rose asked. “Yeah, it’s for people to give old stuff to the homeless shelters. Daddy’s trying to expand them, but before he can get that plan past the council he wants to make it look like he cares about the homeless. Which he does, but you know how people talk.” “I have some old sweaters that no one wears, they’re too small even for me.” “Perfect! Just wash them before you donate them, the last charity drive we went to someone forgot.” “It took five weeks to get rid of all the bedbugs from the shelter they ended up in,” Chloe griped. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous, and I’m still not sure if that was an accident.” Rose looked around and found a pale pink bottle of perfume shaped like a flower. She read the label: “‘Princess Rose’.” She took the sample card under the bottle and sniffed it, mulling over the subtle rose & cherry blossom scent. “Hm, not bad. I think I’ll go with this one, it’s not very strong so no one will sneeze.” “Too bad it won’t work!” Rose turned around and saw a pair of eighth-grade girls from Francoise Dupont. “Pill-girl’s always gonna smell like a hospital!” one of them cackled. “Yeah, and that two-headed freak’s got three armpits, no wonder it needs perfume!” the other jeered. Chloe fumed. “Zoe, hold the perfume, I’m gonna commit an unpleasantness.” She tried to move forward but Zoe wouldn’t budge. “We’ll get kicked out if we try anything! This isn’t school where Damocles is too much of a wimp to give us detention!” Zoe whispered. “And I do NOT wanna have to hunt for another banana-scented perfume that doesn’t irritate my eyes or smell like cheese!” “Alright, fine, but we’re getting their names and then banning them from the hotel. Lavillant? We’re going to the register and leaving those two to–” Purple smog filled the aisle. “Damnit! The exact thing this trip was supposed to prevent!” Rose emerged from the smog wearing a black dress with bright pink highlights, her skin chlorophyll-green and her hair bun as pink as her scleras. “You two should be nicer,” she said, her voice carrying an undertone of rustling leaves. “A princess should not be treated so cruelly.” She aimed the perfume bottle in her right hand – fused to her right hand like a gall – at the bullies and sprayed them with a strangely organic pull of its dispenser through a wire snaking out of her wrist and into the top of the bottle. The bullies’ eyes dilated and adopted a pinkish tinge. “Yes, Princess Fragrance,” they droned. Rose beamed and sauntered off with her new lackeys, ignoring the twins completely. “Another mind-control villain? Seriously? We just had one two days ago!” Chloe groaned. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! C’mon, Zoe, let’s ring up our perfume and go to work.” “Don’t forget to ring up Rose’s perfu–” Zoe said before they heard a ding at the front of the store. “Or she could do it herself. Huh, even as a villain Rose is super polite. Well anyway, there’s a hardware store across the street, we should go there.” “For what?” “Painter’s masks. We don’t want to breathe her fragrance in, after all.” “Good thinking. Let’s pick up a few for our girls as well.” Zoe nodded and they walked up to the register to pay for their own perfume.Marinette burst into Fu’s parlor, canvas grocery bag over her shoulder, and rang the bell frantically. “I’ll be right there!’ Fu exited the massage room. “Marinette? What–” “Tikki’s sick! She gave some of her good luck to me yesterday and then we got splashed with a magic puddle and now she’s sick and it’s all my fault!” she cried. Tikki appeared from Marinette’s purse. “Master Fu…” and then she puked a stream of red plasma onto the floor that manifested a tiny flowerpot complete with yellow tulip. Fu grimaced. “I see. I’ll get Stompp, he’ll be able to fix this.” They went into his massage room and shut the door, then Fu summoned Stompp. “Stompp, Tikki is sick and in need of your services. She’s been exposed to Earth magic, I believe that Marinette may have been exposed to it as well.” “Yeah, I thought I might’ve,” Marinette said as she took her muddy pants out of the bag before scratching her hands again. “Brought my pants for that very reason.” Stompp looked it over, then his eyes glowed yellow. “I see…that dirty water had a natural irritation spell that made touching it like touching stinging nettles and drinking it like drinking fire. Easily removed. Master Fu, let’s transform.” Fu retrieved Stompp’s Miraculous, back to its nose ring form, and let it magically grab his septum like a tiny crab. “Oxen freed.” His costume was also of dark blue leather, his hair white and poofy and his horns curled and wide. “Resistance.” The yellow field crackled over his body and he set to work massaging Tikki, whose complexion returned to a healthy shade of red. Then Fu massaged Marinette’s pants as well as her hands. “I’m glad I’m not itchy anymore,” Marinette said as Fu turned around to check on Tikki. Then she squinted. “Why does the back of your costume have a water buffalo skull and the words ‘Oxman’s Herd’ in white?” “The eighties were an interesting time,” Fu shrugged. “Stompp, Oxen penned.” He detransformed and removed the Miraculous, then went to a cabinet in the side of the room and took out a piece of lemongrass. “Rest up, Stompp, you did well.” Stompp graciously took his snack. Tikki yawned. “I feel a lot better. Thanks, Stompp. And don’t worry, Marinette, it’s not your fault for asking for better luck. Luck magic is fickle, even I can’t always control it. And your idea did work, your delivery wasn’t damaged one bit.” “I still wish I wouldn’t need extra luck just to keep something weird from happening to me,” Marinette said with a sniffle. “Marinette, I would like to take a look at you with my power. May I?” Stompp asked after polishing off his lemongrass. She nodded and he gazed into her left hand. “I see…there’s Earth magic inside of you. Not the kind that would hurt Tikki, don’t you worry. Your clumsiness is natural, but the specifics of your bad luck, like a catfish deciding to target your delivery out of all of the things it could’ve decided to attack…that is different.” “Can you take it out?” “Not right now. I don’t know what it is, and my determination powers are constrained by the limits of my knowledge. Removing it might hurt you.” He frowned. “It seems to be part of your genetic code, as if one of your parents came into contact with magic.” “We will look into this another time,” Fu said. “Unfortunately, I have an appointment soon, so we will have to cut this meeting short. But I’m glad you caught me now, Marinette; Tikki would’ve taken a long time to recover from this ailment naturally.” “Thanks so much.” Marinette put her pants back into her bag, then her phone buzzed. She looked at it and groaned. “And of course there’s a villain right now! See you later, Master Fu and co.!” She raced off, Tikki following after. “Magic you don’t recognize? That’s not good,” Fu frowned. “No,” Stompp agreed. “And if I don’t recognize it, that means it’s not from Europe or Tibet where almost all of my holders have been.” “Marinette once told me that her mother is originally from Shanghai,” the human pondered. “And we know that the Battle of Shanghai involved magic. I wonder…”Ladybug flew over the streets of Paris, unable to see the ground due to the dense magenta haze coating it. “No signs of life…that’s not good, and that gas everywhere is concerning.” She sniffed the air and sighed dreamily. “But that smells pretty good…it’s like a flower…and I’m not even a pollinating beetle…wait a minute!” She halted in midflight. “I shouldn’t be able to smell that from up here!” “Milady!” She turned and saw Chat and the twins on a roof, white painter’s masks over their faces, Chat holding one out to her. “Here, take this! That smell hypnotizes people.” Ladybug flew over and donned the mask. “I figured. You two know who it is?” “No shit, we were there when she got turned,” Chloe huffed. “It’s Lavillant. Two underclassmen were at the perfume shop and they made fun of her for needing vitamin pills. She turned into a copy of Lady Fellflower from Majestia 38.” Ladybug giggled. “You didn’t hear that!” “She’s a comic book nerd, you definitely did!” Zoe laughed. “Traitor! I’m trying to impress the cute superhero!” Chloe faltered and blushed. “Shit.” Ladybug chuckled, flushing a little under her goggles. “I’m flattered. What makes you say she resembles Lady Fellflower?” “Green skin, pink eyes, hair kinda looks like a flower, similar dress and powers…wait,” Chloe realized, her eyes widening. “If Rose became a real-life copy of Lady Fellflower, then that means she can turn into a giant plant monster if she eats enough!” “Her mind-control scent!” Zoe gasped. “She’s going to make the citizens of Paris give her all their food, then she’s going to absorb it like fertilizer and grow until she’s the size of the Eiffel Tower!” “I remember that comic now,” Chat recalled. “Taught me a few things. Like why you don’t overfeed your plants.” “Maybe that’s what we need, actually,” Ladybug pondered. “Feed her too much of the wrong thing and she’ll be too big to move. What makes plants get too big normally?” “Too much water,” Zoe replied. “I did a science project on what plants are easy to overwater in fourth grade, it turns out cherries split in half if you give them too much.” “Foods high in water such as fruit, got it,” Ladybug decided. “Lucky Charm!” She received a ladybug-patterned credit card labeled “I HAVE ONE SEXTILLION DOLLARS ON ME”. “Math question, Chat Noire: how many watermelons can we buy with one sextillion dollars?” “Math answer, Ladybug: all of them,” Chat replied with a grin.“Your offering is accepted! Thank you!” Rose beamed as another mind-controlled citizen came her way and deposited a plate of food in front of her, this time three dozen iced cinnamon buns. She greedily devoured them all and grew another foot in height; she’d already made it to eleven feet tall, and several leafy branches were sprouting from her limbs. “May I have my next offering please?” “Yes, Princess Fragrance,” Chloe and Zoe droned. “Your offering is coming soon.” It started raining watermelons. Rose clapped her hands in glee. “Watermelon rain! What a lovely surprise! And it doesn’t matter that they fall and break sometimes.” Roots sprouted from her ankles and snaked over to the falling melons before impaling them and sucking up all the matter, leaving them withered flakes of red and green. The watermelons she caught, she ate with her mouth. More roots and more leaves erupted from her body as she grew another two feet taller, and a thick palisade of pink roses erupted from the street, snaring the twins much to their shock. Rose leaned over and gazed at them with wide pink eyes and an even wider smile. “Your little maskies tell me that this is a trap. Where are Ladybug and Chat Noire so I can take their jewels for King Hawk Moth?” “More like King Cock Moth!” Chloe snarled. “Now, now, a lady shouldn’t use such language.” “Tell that to Majestia!” Zoe said. “In the Majestia Black comics she swears like a sailor and is STILL the classiest woman in town! And you and your ugly king oughta know that given who you’re cosplaying!” “For the record, my wife is the fan of those comics, not me,” Hawk Moth said flatly through a purple visor. “Princess Fragrance, your focus is on the Miraculous, not these two. Let them go.” “Can I at least share my scent with them?” Rose asked. “Sure, why not? Just don’t eat them.” “Wouldn’t dream of it, my king!” Rose sent out another series of roots towards the twins’ faces, who tried to lean out of the way as best they could. “You’ll be quite darling in my court.” “CATACLYSM!” Chat turned the palisade into ash and pulled the twins aside. “Your reign of terror ends NOW, Hawk Moth! Let Rose go!” “Silly cat,” Rose purred. “Don’t you know ash makes plants STRONGER?!” She sent more roots towards the ash and started sucking it up, growing taller while perfume spewed from her right hand. “Yes, YES!” Then her belly suddenly bloated. “What?!” “Looks like your body finished processing those watermelons!” Ladybug taunted as she flew past Rose. “All that water has to go somewhere, after all!” Rose gasped as her joints began to swell as well, her skin turning turgid at her elbows and, more critically, her knees. Unable to modify her skeleton to support her weight fast enough, Rose came crashing down on her knees, the perfume bottle still stuck to her cracking when she put her weight on her hands to keep her face from smashing into the pavement. “Got it!” Chat said after purifying the moth. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Ladybug Cure turned Rose back to normal in a flurry of dying leaves and shed petals, all the food she’d eaten was restored to its original places, the road was fixed, the people she’d corrupted were freed and sent home, and all the perfume she’d released was sucked back into its restored bottle, which Chat snatched before it could hit the ground and break again. “This is yours, I think,” Chat said as she handed Rose the perfume bottle. Rose nodded and gingerly put it inside her bag. Chat’s ring beeped. “Oops! Gotta scram!” And then she was as gone as Ladybug. Marinette emerged from inside the grocery store where she’d gotten the watermelons. “Rose! What happened? All I remember is something perfumy.” “She got akumatized into the world’s most elaborate Fellflower cosplay,” Chloe supplied. “Fellflower?” “Plant villain from the Majestia comics.” “Oh, so NOW you own being a comic book nerd?” Zoe asked playfully. Then she heard a sniffle and saw Rose starting to cry. “Rose? Oh my god, Rose, are you alright?!” “N-no,” the small blonde said, wiping her eyes. “I-I just…I just wanted to be treated like a princess for one day. I-I don’t want people pitying me because I’m sick, but I also want them to treat me like I mean something.” “Rose, c’mere,” Marinette said as she opened her arms. Rose shuffled over and let Marinette hug her. “You do mean something to us. We know you don’t want people treating you like glass just because your bone density is a little low.” “Not very little or it wouldn’t be rickets,” Rose sniffled. “We just try to teach you like one of the girls. So you can’t lift the heaviest box in the room, who cares? So you shouldn’t be clapped on the back, why bother? So your diet needs to be monitored, people do that already for much stupider reasons!” “Before Dupain-Cheng goes on another rant about fad diets, let me put in my two cents,” Chloe said. “Look at me, Lavillant. Look at me. And look at my sister.” “Hi!” Zoe said with a wave. “I have to share everything with her. My bed, my clothes, my skeleton, hell, even things that aren’t immediately visible like my crushes! Have I ever told you that Zoe and I always crush on the same people because we share a bloodstream and our mood hormones affect each other’s brains? Because that’s a thing for us, and boy do a lot of people have questions about that! But so the fuck what? I’m Chloe motherfucking Bourgeois, and no one can take THAT away from me! Not even Zoe!” “And the same goes for me! They can’t take away my name or my soul, and as long as I don’t use that to excuse being a jerk I’m free to be whatever I want! Even a superhero!” “Trust us, even our asses would look great in animal-print spandex.” “You just had to ruin it,” Marinette facepalmed. Then Rose suddenly laughed. “Rose?” “You’re right, why didn’t I think of it before?” Rose guffawed. “I’m Rose Lavillant, I like unicorns and comfy chairs, I’m ambidextrous, and I’m my own person!” She sighed. “Thanks so much, girls. I feel like a princess again.” Then her eyes widened. “Oh, bother, I’ve only got an hour until Ali arrives! And I’m not ready!” “Leave it to us,” Chloe said. “Dupain-Cheng, we’ll see you in class. Don’t get your pants dirty again.” “How did you– oh, right, you were there when Zoe came up with the perfume shopping trip. Why didn’t you say anything?” Marinette asked. “One of us has to check the board for a homework assignment.” “Fair enough. See you tomorrow!” After the Bourgeois twins left with Rose, Tikki poked her head out of Marinette’s bag. “You managed to get that Cure in at the last second,” she said. “I’m impressed, but don’t make a habit of it. If you time out while the Charm is still intact–” “The better the chances it becomes permanent and I can’t revert the magical damage as completely with the Ladybug Cure,” Marinette finished. “I know, Tikki, I know, it just took too long to get all those watermelons out of the store. How can I make it up to you?” “You could make me those jellybean cookies you promised me yesterday.” “I saw some jellybeans in that store, I’ll get you a few bags.”“Rose!” a tan-skinned boy in a black suit said when he saw Rose approach him inside a restaurant. “Are you alright? The news said you got akumatomized!” “It’s just ‘akumatized’, Ali, and I’m fine now,” Rose, wearing a blue dress patterned like the midnight sky, said reassuringly. “Ladybug and Chat Noire saved the day. And me.” “Superheroes,” Ali wondered. “Paris has it all. Bright lights, good food, nice girls, and superheroes.” “I know! The girls here are so nice!” Rose gushed. “And the boys aren’t too shabby either!” Ali chuckled. “Glad you’re still the same romance-obsessed pen-pal I met two years ago, Rose. How’ve you been lately?” “Pretty good! Our new teacher’s really nice, even Ms. Mendeleiev seems nicer now that she’s here. Or maybe I’m just getting to know her better. Or maybe that’s because Nathaniel gave her an existential crisis a few weeks ago by filling her room with coins, we are never letting him live that one down. And how are you? How’s life in Amman?” “Guess who got a date with Haya?” Ali grinned. “No way! Congrats! What was it like?” “Took a dip in the Dead Sea, or tried to at least. You really are unable to sink there.” A waiter approached them. “May I take your orders, young friends?” “Oh, the orders! I’ll take the baked salmon with mushroom sauce. Ali?” “One herring & potato salad with poached eggs on the side, please. We’ll both take milk as our drinks.” “Excellent choices. We’ll get them to you quick as a flash.” After the waiter left, Ali gave Rose a grin. “One benefit of having rickets? All the fatty fish you can eat.” Rose giggled. “And all the milk we can drink.”“Father?” Adrien asked that night when he saw Gabriel looking through a box in the man’s bedroom. “Oh, hello Adrien. I had a nostalgia attack today,” Gabriel explained. “Care to join me?” “Sure thing. What are we looking at?” “Some of your mother’s old Majestia memorabilia.” Gabriel picked up a comic book in a plastic sleeve, Majestia 5, and smiled fondly. “She practically grew up on these silly comic books. Her parents never taught her or Amelie what a woman could be, but Majestia did. She’s the reason your friends Chloe and Zoe got addicted to that franchise, you know.” Adrien found something and laughed. “I remember this Halloween,” he said, showing Gabriel a photo of the twins, age five, dressed like a two-headed Majestia complete with two capes, Chloe’s half of the suit blue and Zoe’s half red, smiling at the camera with three bags of candy, one per hand. “They couldn’t decide which era of costume to use, so we decided they could be both at the same time!” Gabriel chuckled. “Andre was a terrible sewer, but they loved it all the same. I think that was the first time since Audrey left them that they really smiled.” He sighed. “Father?” “Your classmate Rose Lavillant was akumatized this afternoon, her costume and powers were inspired by one of Majestia’s rogues gallery. I guess that’s what triggered this nostalgia attack, or maybe I’d already had one and didn’t know it.” “Did we ever find out why Mom fell ill?” Adrien asked. “No.” And that was technically the truth; Gabriel didn’t know what kind of Earthly magic Duusu had been cursed to bear, just that it had slowly sapped away at Emilie’s life force until it decided it had enough and left her trapped in a magical coma. “I wish I had done more to prevent it.” Adrien sighed. “I hope she gets better, Father.” “As do I, son. As do I.” Watching the scene from inside the bookshelf, Plagg wiped a tear from a big green eye, ruing how this sunshine child’s family had such a rotten history with luck. Far away in the same mansion, Nooroo, having already deduced who Chat Noire was under the mask (her use of the D’Argencourt Feint had given it away, not that he’d tell Gabriel), resolved to someday tell Plagg just how deep that history went.
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“Chloe, Zoe, for your third lesson we shall test your compatability with the Gray Rat Miraculous,” Fu said that Friday afternoon. “Fun fact about the Chinese language, it doesn’t have separate words for ‘rat’ and ‘mouse’, so the rodent in their zodiac can be translated to either,” Chat mentioned. “Yeah, that’s right. How did you know that?” Ladybug asked. “I take Chinese lessons. You?” “Mixed-race.” She blinked. “Uh…” “I heard not a mew, milady,” Chat said, pantomiming zipping her lips shut. “Thanks.” “It’s funny you brought that up, Chat. For many years Mullo was thought to represent a house mouse,” Fu explained. “It was only until I acquired the Tortoiseshell Miracle Box that I realized she’d been misclassified and was, in fact, a gray rat. Speaking of which.” He took a coin pendant with five murine-like spots arranged in a pentagon and a pink string out of the Miracle Box. “Mullo, we’re ready.” A Kwami resembling a humanoid gray rat materialized in a flash of silver light. “Hiyah!” she squeaked. “I’m Mullo, the Gray Rat Kwami of Multiplication! My power is Multitude, which is exactly what it sounds like: clones. The more clones you make, the smaller they are.” “How many can we make?” Zoe asked. “Fifteen at most for first-timers and thirty for advanced users! To transform you say ‘Get squeaky’ and to detransform you say ‘Squeak off’. My weapon is a whip. My power-up food is any Alpine cheese with holes like Emmental, but I can also be powered up with peanut products. I really like peanuts,” she said, her right eye twitching. “You okay–” Chloe began. “BOO!” The twins jolted and Mullo laughed. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I had to!” “I don’t believe you did,” Wayzz sighed. “Word of warning, girls, Mullo can be a bit of a prankster to new holders. She’s not malicious about it, for no Kwami is; she simply wants to see how you react to the unexpected.” “You’re not malicious?” Zoe asked. “Can’t,” Mullo shrugged. “Kwamis are an inherently benevolent species. We literally can’t even think of using our powers cruelly, any time they are it’s because of the champion misusing them, not us.” “Well,” Chloe said at last, “you sound like an interesting Kwami. As long as you don’t mess with my clothes I think we’ll get along.” “Good to hear, pup!” Mullo beamed. “Well, I don’t want to keep you kids from your activities, get squeaking out!”The twins played rock-paper-scissors and Chloe won the right to wear the Miraculous. “Well, if that’s settled I have to go,” Ladybug said as Chloe put on the pendant, Mullo hiding in the pocket of her hoodie. “Civvie me’s expected at a friend’s house.” “We’ve got a friend coming over to ours,” Chloe added. “And civvie me has homework,” Chat finished. “Catch you girls later!” After the heroes left, Zoe tilted her head. “So Chloe, we’ve got a rat Kwami now. Does that mean Chat Noire will try to eat us if we transform?” Chloe facepalmed. “What?! It’s a valid question!”“Yes, Mrs. Césaire, the girls are ready for bed! Uh...technically speaking…” Marinette chuckled nervously. “Yeah, we're good. Enjoy the movie!” She hung up. “Come on, bedtime you little monsters!” Alya said as she scooped up her younger sisters, identical twins Ella and Etta. “That's enough mischief for one day!” “It's not us! It's Ti Sapoti!” Ella, the pink-clad twin, giggled. “Yeah, she’s makin’ us too heavy to lift!” Etta, the teal-clad twin, added with a smirk. “Is that so? Well, Marinette, what kind of goblins would they be at the amusement park tomorrow if they didn’t get enough sleep?” “The gobliniest,” Marinette said authoritatively. “That’s not a word!” Etta giggled as Alya set the twins down. “I can make up whatever words I want to, that’s what big girls like me can do. Now, bedtime you two.” The twins acquiesced and went to their rooms to bed. Alya exhaled. “Thanks for stopping by, girl. Those two have been hyper all day ever since they won those tickets to the Jardin d'Acclimatation in their class raffle.” “You could use a break anyway,” Marinette replied. “You’ve been running yourself ragged trying to figure out Hawk Moth’s secret identity.” “That’s the one secret identity I want to find out. We have to, otherwise we’ll never see the end of those damned slime-moths.” Alya walked into a closet and came back out with a wheel-mounted whiteboard and dry-erase markers. “This board’s usually my mom’s for when she has new recipes to parse out, but she told me that I could use it tonight for theorizing. Okay, what do we know about Hawk Moth so far?” “He’s a grown man with unoriginal ideas for villain costumes,” Marinette scoffed. “I mean, seriously, Nathaniel looked like the picture of a Frenchman you’d see in a British children’s book, only with purple skin.” Alya wrote “grown man” on the board in blue. “What else about him?” “He has a son, no idea his age, and he’s extremely protective of him. And according to the twins, when Rose was akumatized Hawk Moth mentioned he has a wife who’s really into Majestia.” “She has taste.” Alya wrote “son” and “wife who is comic book geek”. “His motivation?” “To take the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. The heroes think he wants to fuse them together because that’ll grant you one reality-warping wish.” “Wish…” Alya said, sticking her tongue out as she wrote. “Is that all we know?” “Looks like it. No one’s been able to figure out where the akumas come from, they seem to be able to phase through solid objects so they might spend part of their journeys hiding in the street.” Alya sighed. “Damn. Alright, let’s try to figure it out. Hawk Moth wants the wish and is protective of his son. Do you think he might be out for revenge on someone who hurt his son?” “Maybe. And since that was brought up in the Jagged Stone fight, it might mean that his son is a famous person who got assaulted by a fan.” She shuddered. “I kinda don’t want that to be the case, though, just so it means that a kid our age wasn’t raped.” “Yeah,” the redhead grimaced. “Me either.”Neither teen noticed that Ella and Etta were watching them from their doorway. “Alya’s scared,” Ella gulped. “Alya’s not supposed to be scared.” “Everybody gets scared, Ella,” Etta replied. “Even Alya and Nora.” She shook her head. “I don’t want them to be scared. I want them to be brave.” “Yeah…let’s go to bed before they see us.” They were about to leave when they saw an akuma phase through the living room window. Their eyes widened. “Sis is gonna become Lady Wifi again! We gotta catch it!” The twins raced over. “GET OUTTA HERE, HAWK MOTH!” they shouted as they jumped through the air and onto the moth, trying to dogpile it. The moth simply divided in half down the middle, becoming two moths that fused into their nightcaps. “Okay, I did not know they could do that,” Alya blinked before it hit her and her face twisted into one of raw fury. “HAWK MOTH! Get outta my sisters’ brains!” Once the purple smog cleared, the teens saw that Alya’s younger sisters had been transformed into diminutive red goblins with lavender crests and jagged black tutus. “What?!” Hawk Moth said when visors appeared over the girls’ faces. “This akuma was meant for the fear of an older girl, not the fear of toddlers! I– you know what? I can work with this. Sapotis, I’m Hawk Moth, if you find the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous I’ll use the wish to make it so your sister has nothing to fear. That alright with you?” “Okay! What can we do?” the goblin with the pink spot on her head – Ella – asked. “Scream. You can scream VERY LOUD. Use it to get people to give you the Miraculous.” “Okay! C’mon, Ella, let’s go looking for Miraculous things!” the goblin with the teal spot on her head – Etta – said. The twin goblins raced out of the apartment. “I’m gonna be so grounded for this,” Alya groaned. “It’s not your fault, Alya, your mom understood when you were akumatized,” Marinette said gently. “And the twins were trying to protect you, although I think they accidentally protected me. I don’t think that akuma was meant for you.” “Whatever! We gotta get them back before they run into some creep. Call Ladybug and stay here, I’m going after them!” “Alya, calm down! You’re not even dressed for outdoors!” “I will be in a minute!” the redhead replied as she raced to her room to get dressed. Tikki phased her head out of the couch. “You know, Alya would be a very good person to tell your secret identity to,” she mentioned. “Not the time, Tikki,” Marinette groaned. “It is absolutely the time! You can’t do this alone, Marinette, it’s high time you started trusting more people with knowing Ladybug.” Marinette sighed. “Christmas. I’ll tell her on Christmas.” “Deal.” And with that Tikki phased back into the couch.“And that scene’s done,” Alix sighed, pressing save on her computer. “Whew, another scene down. Nino’s film might be done by next week.” “I still can’t believe I get to be in an actual movie!” Zoe gushed. “A bit part, yeah, but it still counts!” “Would you mind leaning back over, sis? You’re pulling me up,” Chloe said partway through her pedicure, their back having twisted when Zoe leaned up to face Alix. “Right! Sorry!” She leaned back over and resumed her own pedicure. “Oh, that is a nice shade of pink, it really goes with my yellow.” Alix chuckled. “If it’s not black it’s not worth it. Black nails go with everything.” Then she noticed something in the back of the room. “Uh, guys? Did I just see a mouse in here?” “Um…no? I don’t think so,” Zoe frowned. “Did we get another plushie keychain?” Alix frowned and picked up her sneaker from the floor. “I don’t want that eating my charger cable, my computer’s battery is for shit. I’m going after it.” She walked over, smacked the floor, and screamed. “HOLY SHIT THE MOUSE JUST PHASED INTO THE FLOOR!” “I’m a rat god, not a mouse!” Mullo snapped as she phased back out of the floor. “My name just happens to look like your word for ‘field mouse’! And for the record you shouldn’t smack mice with shoes, it’s not nice!” “God? What– girls, you found another tiny animal fairy?!” “Another what?” It clicked. “Ohhh, you’re that Alix girl Fluff told me about. No, I’m a Kwami, an idea made form.” Zoe exhaled. “Alix, Chat Noire and Ladybug think we could be another pair of superheroes, so they’re having us try out other Miraculous.” “So THAT’S what caused that weird purple light and exploding invisible car,” Alix realized. “But why? Isn’t it risky since everyone can tell who you are even if it changes your appearance?” “We’re trying to find which ones will work for us, because we can unify them and that might make us last longer,” Chloe said. “Alix, I know it’s dangerous, but Zoe and I have always wanted to be superheroes. It’s the most exceptional thing we’ve ever done.” Alix noticed the use of the word “exceptional” and her gaze softened. “Oh. Well, let me help! I know all sorts of cool things! And I’m smart, too! And–” Her phone buzzed, and the tomboy gulped when she saw the reason why. “And there’s an akuma.” “Looks like it’s time to get to work, girls!” Mullo said. “But our nails are still–” Mullo sprayed the twins’ feet with silver light. “–dry?” Zoe blinked. “God of multiplication, I multiplied the speed it took for them to dry. Unfortunately that means something else will have to have its speed divided. Kwami magic sucks like that. Now transform already!” “How can I help?” Alix asked as the twins hastily tugged on their socks and slippers. “Get me some peanuts, these two detransform at least twice as fast as a single person after they use my powers! Now, girls!” The Bourgeois twins nodded as Chloe took the pendant out from under her nightshirt before shouting “Get squeaky!” in unison, erupting into silver light…very slowly.Ella and Etta ran through the streets, periodically screaming their way into peoples’ houses by shattering the glass with their voices. “You okay, Chat?” Ladybug asked as she flew her partner over the block. “Not at all!” Chat groaned. “Stupid feline hearing range! The nastiest stuff’s got the highest pitch!” “I’ll try to keep you out of the worst of it, but keep looking for Alya! I lost track of her after she left her apartment building!” “What do you mean by that?” Ladybug stilled. “Patrol?” she said meekly. “Weren’t you at a friend’s house? Unless…” Chat gasped. “You were visiting one of Alya’s neighbors and went patrolling the neighborhood once they fell asleep!” Ladybug exhaled, relieved that Chat had missed the mark by a mile (or kilometer, in their case). “Yeah, I was. That’s how I saw her, I think the villains are her sisters.” “Aren’t they six?” “I think it might've been an accident on Hawk Moth’s part.” She spied something gray skating down the street. “What is that?” “I think it’s the twins,” Chat said. “But I didn’t know they could skate. Let’s check it out.” Ladybug nodded and they touched down.“Phew! What a workout!” Alix grinned as she set the Bourgeois twins down. The sound of flapping wings made her look up. “And there’s the heroes!” “Alix?” Ladybug gasped. “She knows,” Chloe said. The twins’ costume was largely graphite gray paired with pink gloves and boots with white cuffs, the domino masks around their eyes gray with white inner circles and their eyes themselves raspberry red. White rat-ear headbands graced their magenta locks, Chloe’s hair in a ponytail and Zoe’s in twintails, and whips shaped like pink rat tails emerged from each of their tailbones. Their front teeth had enlarged a bit like they had when they’d worked with Fluff, and Zoe’s face was painted with black whiskers. “Alix wanted to help.” “I wish I’d been consulted, but if Alix kept the Rabbit a secret then I guess I can trust her. Alix, we have two villains today, identical in form and power. They’re called Sapotis.” “You mean like that goblin Alya talked about for Heritage Day at school?” Alix asked. “Yep,” Zoe nodded. “Must be her little sisters. Where’s Alya?” “Trying to look for them herself. I don’t want her getting her eardrums blown out. Can you use Multitude to track her down?” Ladybug asked. “MULTITUDE!” the twins shouted. A clone materialized from pink light, but to everyone’s surprise it was only a clone of Chloe, 90% the size of the original. And since Chloe only had one leg, the clone promptly fell over and struggled to pick itself up. “Uh…what?” Chat blinked. “Let me try,” Zoe suggested. The twins detransformed, the clone dissipating, Alix gave Mullo a peanut while Chloe gave her the Miraculous, and they retransformed. “MULTITUDE!” Zoe’s clone was missing an arm and a sizeable chunk of its chest, and it fell to the ground while struggling to breathe. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! What gives, Mullo?” Chloe asked once they detransformed again. “How come you’re only cloning one of us?” “My power is Multiplication, which means I can only clone one soul at a time,” Mullo frowned around her peanut. “I can’t divide my power between two people like Nooroo can, which means I can only clone one of you. And since you’re conjoined…yeah, I don’t think this is going to work. Sorry, girls.” “Maybe it’s not a total loss, though!” Alix replied. “What if I use your Miraculous?” “That’s it!” Ladybug exclaimed. “Alix, did the twins explain how Mullo’s powers work?” “They did on the ride over,” the tomboy nodded. “Then take the Gray Rat Pendant and join Team Miraculous!” Alix eagerly took the pendant from Zoe, said “Get squeaky!”, and transformed. Her outfit was similar to the twins’ but the gray parts on Alix’s outfit were pale silver, her stomach had a big white spot on it outlined with pink, and the cuffs of her gloves and boots were pink rather than white. Her hair had turned its natural brown and was pulled into a short ponytail at the base of her skull, but the most noticeable difference was that she’d grown a foot taller. “Whoa! Is this what being tall is like?” “Looks like it,” Zoe giggled. “How do you feel, Alix?” “Great! And call me Remy while I’m like this. Alright, let me show you how a skater does it. MULTITUDE!” Fifteen tiny Remys the size of dolls burst out of her body in pink light. “Alright, mini-mes, listen up! We’ve got a lot of ground to cover tonight to find Alya and we need to do it fast! Remys one through four, go north! Five through eight, go south! Nine through twelve, go east! And thirteen through fifteen, you’re goin’ west with me! Let’s go!” “RAT CHARGE!” her clones squeaked as the Remy army raced to their respective quadrants. “She makes a good rat king,” Chat quipped, prompting groans from her compatriots. “Anyway, let’s go after those kids and try to save them. Did Alya say anything about how you defeat Ti Sapoti?” “No, I don’t think that’s part of the legend,” Zoe frowned. “I’ve heard from Alix’s brother that farfadets can be defeated with kindness or milk, but the Sapoti legend’s from Martinique, not mainland France.” “Then we focus on what the Sapotis used to be: small children,” Ladybug said. “At this hour they’ve gotta be tired.”Ella and Etta panted, exhausted. “We can’t find ANYTHING Miraculous!” Ella cried. “It’s not just anything, it’s a pair of earrings and a ring!” Hawk Moth corrected. “I’ve said this I don’t know how many times!” He exhaled. “I apologize, it’s a late night for me. But you’ve done good work.” “We have?” Etta asked. “You’ve proven to me that Ladybug and Chat Noire likely don’t live in this neighborhood, so that’s one less place I have to look. You’re free to go, I’ll escort you home.” “You’d BETTER.” The twins looked up at a very furious Alya. “Let go of my sisters.” “Gladly.” The moths disappeared from the twins’ nightcaps, releasing them from their goblin forms, then fused back together into one moth. Then the moth did something unexpected and glowed purple, erupting into a holographic projection of Hawk Moth himself streaming from the tops of its wings. Ella and Etta whimpered and hid behind Alya’s legs, and Alya herself felt weak in the knees. A tiny Remy watched from behind a lamppost. Hawk Moth was clad in a purple suit, a black mask covering his entire head with two black feathers for antennae sticking out of his eyebrows and a small curl on the nose for a proboscis, his eyes glossy brown orbs with no visible pupil or iris. He had four arms and two legs like Ladybug, each foot wearing a well-polished black Oxford and each hand wearing a clawed black glove, a reticulated purple-and-black insectoid abdomen sprouting from his tailbone and audibly expanding and contracting with every breath. Four triangular wings, the first pair solid black and the second pair purple with black stripes, emerged from his back, and if one saw the back of his suit they would’ve seen a gray symbol resembling a tragedy mask between his wings. His weapon, a cane, rested in his hands, and although they could not have known it he was half a foot taller than Gabriel was untransformed and had considerably broader shoulders. Hawk Moth exhaled. “I do apologize, Ms. Cesaire. The akuma was meant for Ms. Dupain-Cheng. I try to make a point not to transform young children who aren’t old enough to fend for themselves.” “Why are you doing this? What do you get from tormenting Paris like this?” Alya demanded. “Have some compassion, Ms. Cesaire. It isn’t as though I want to do this.” She blinked. “...what?” “A close friend of mine has a curse on them.” Alya jolted. “An Earthen curse, a powerful one that no Kwami can break for good. Any knowledge of how to break such a curse was destroyed after the Second World War when humanity decided that their fear of magic should get the better of them and prevent them from understanding it. So there’s only one way I can find to break the curse: stop it from being placed.” “The Wish,” Alya gasped. “Correct. I wish to revert time and change the decision I made that led to my dear companion being cursed. If they never encounter the cursed item, then they never become cursed.” “Hawk Moth, the Wish uses equivalent exchange! If you don’t find that cursed item then someone else will!” “Not necessarily. What if I wished that no one could ever find the cursed item? They might find another cursed item, but it would likely be a much more minor curse as those are far more common.” He exhaled. “I wish you could help, child, I really do, but my search for the Ladybug and Black Cat cannot be understood by those who know nothing of magic. Take care.” The projection disappeared. A beam of light and the moth was purified. “Alya! What happened?” Chat asked as she, Ladybug, and the Bourgeois twins raced over. “It was Hawk Moth!” Alya said. “He let my sisters go! Apparently they really weren’t the target, but guess what? I know what he wants the Ladybug and Black Cat for! He wants to prevent a friend of his from being cursed by changing history!” “He was using Ella and Etta to scope out the neighborhood to see if he could find where our secret identities live,” Ladybug realized. “Well, I certainly feel concerned.” “Changing history? If there’s one thing I learned from helping these two hunt for Alix, it’s that time travel and magic do not mix,” Zoe said with a shudder. “One wrong move and something really bad could happen. Are you okay, Alya?” “I’m fine. Ella, Etta? What happened?” Alya asked. “Do you remember anything?” “We just remember wanting to help you, big sis,” Ella sniffled. “We heard you ‘n’ Mari being scared and we didn’t want you to be scared anymore.” “We didn’t want you to turn into that scary Lady Wifi again, or Mari to turn into something scarier,” Etta trembled. “So we tried to squish the bug.” “Ohhh, babies! C’mere.” Alya kneeled down and hugged them. “It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about that. It’s my job as your big sister to protect you. Someday you’ll be ready to return the favor, but that day hasn’t come yet. Right now I want you to just be kids.” They nodded. “So first thing tomorrow we’re gonna eat breakfast and we’re gonna go to that amusement park, and I don’t wanna hear a peep about Hawk Moth all day. Got it?” “Got it!” the Cesaire twins nodded. “Brings a tear to this cat’s eye,” Chat sniffled, wiping her eyes. Ladybug Lucky Charmed a tissue box. “Thanks. Good thinking, too, we’ll need the Cure.” Chat Noire took a tissue, wiped her eyes, and Cataclysmed the tissue. “Miraculous Ladybug,” Ladybug said softly, tossing the box into the air and watching as the Cure repaired all the broken windows and ransacked houses. “Chat, take the Cesaires home, I need to ferry the Bourgeois twins to the hotel before they get any colder.” “Yeah, we should’ve put on a coat before we came here,” Chloe shivered. “See you tomorrow, milady,” Chat said, giving two nods. “This way, Cesaires.” After Chat led them away, Remy timed out and all the clones teleported over to the lamppost in a flash of pink and gray. “Whoa! Cool, didn’t know I could do that,” Alix blinked. “That was wild, girls. That happen every time you mess around with magic?” “Sometimes,” Zoe shrugged. “How about you?” “Man, I think I’m gonna like being part of the akuma-chaser crew. If Ladybug’s alright with that.” “I’ll ask Master Fu, our teacher,” Ladybug replied. “Mullo will need to go home anyway. What did you see?” “The whole thing, Hawk Moth’s actually kinda understandable. But I just know he’s gonna word his Wish wrong, so we can’t let him get it.” “We won’t. Now let’s get you back to your hotel, and me back to where I belong.” She picked up all three girls, spread her wings, and took off into the night.Alya yawned awake the following morning. She got out of bed and looked into the living room, smiling at the tired Marinette on her couch. “Silly girl,” she chuckled fondly before going to wake up her sisters. Marinette reminded her so much of Ladybug sometimes it hurt. Partway through reaching for her sisters’ door she touched her cheeks. When did she start blushing? She shook her head; now was the time to help her sisters decompress, not focus on her own worries and tribulations. Now was Big Sis Alya time, not Ladyblogger Alya Time. Hopefully a rollercoaster would make her forget it all. She opened the door. “Rise and shine, Ella and Etta! Or did Ti Sapoti steal your sleep?” “We’re up!” Ella said as she jolted upright. “We stole it back!” “And she’s not getting it ever again!” Etta replied, jolting up too. “That’s what I like to hear! Now let’s get dressed and eat, we’ve got an amusement park to conquer!” Alya grinned.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Blouse?” “Navy blue.” “Skirt?” “Black with pockets.” “Shoes?” “Black loafers with white socks, keep the spare left shoe in our bag just in case.” “Handbag?” “The big black one.” “Headbands and hair ribbons?” “White.” “Teeth?” “Brushed.” “Hair, makeup, and nails?” “Perfection.” The Bourgeois twins exchanged a nod, then exited their bathroom. “My flowers!” Andre said, looking up from his newspaper. “You look wonderful!” “Thanks, Daddy!” Chloe beamed. Andre’s phone suddenly rang. He picked it up. “Andre Bourgeois, Mayor of–” “ANDRE!” The twins paled; it was Audrey. “Would you care to explain why Cholera gave one of her classmates a free ticket to a Jagged Stone concert?” “It was a show of good faith, Audrey! The girl got a panic attack from one of Mr. Stone’s stalkers breaking into our hotel! I’m surprised you’re not mad about that, it was a serious lapse in security. I had to fire three guards AND reinstall the security cameras!” “Security guards are expendable, that’s what we pay them for! I will NOT have my alimony be squandered on frivolous people like that ugly goth girl! What did she ever do for society? Buy black clothing? The trend this year is GOLD!” “Audrey, if the ticket was given for free then your alimony wasn’t used. And wouldn’t the girl have had to pay for it herself if Chloe and Zoe hadn’t talked to Mr. Roth?” A pause. “I still don’t like how you insisted on schooling our daughter with pedestrian riff-raff. They’re bad influences on people like us. And who the hell is Zoe? Keep this bad behavior up and you’re fired.” The call ended. “Pretty sure the divorce was getting fired, at least I still get a severance pay,” Andre snarked. Then he looked up and faltered. “Oh, girls…I’m so sorry you heard that.” Chloe sniffled. “I-I’m trying not to mess up my eyeliner, but Cholera? That’s literally the shittiest thing she could’ve called me!” “A-at least she called you something,” Zoe trembled. Andre walked over and hugged them. “Ignore her. She’s an idiot. You’re the best daughters that I could’ve asked for, and you’re going to be bigger than she ever was. You’ll see. Now hurry off to school, your best picture day ever awaits!”“Good morning, everyone!” Sabrina, wearing her best teal argyle vest, said to her class. “As class representative it’s my duty to tell you everything you need to know about picture day! And this one’s special because Vincent Roullier, Adrien’s personal photographer, has volunteered to take the pictures!” “How did we manage that?” Nino, wearing a green jacket over a white shirt, asked. Adrien sighed. “That silly ad went viral. Mr. Roullier got an entire week off as a reward, and he decided to spend it taking pictures for our school since he likes to keep busy. Radiant, carefree, dreamy: Adrien, the fragrance. It doesn’t even smell like anything.” “Regardless, we’re expected in the courtyard by 11:15 sharp, so be prepared. We’ll be doing individual pictures followed by a class picture,” Max added. “And if you ever need the bathroom, please go before 11:15 so you don’t miss the call,” Sabrina finished.It was 11:05 when Zoe’s bladder made her squirm. “Ms. Bustier, I need the bathroom,” she said, raising her hand. “Okay, Zoe, you and your sister can go, but be quick! We’re going to leave in ten minutes!” Ms. Bustier said. The twins hobbled out as fast as they could to the nearest girl’s bathroom. “Damnit!” Chloe cursed when she saw that the double-wide handicapped stall was occupied. “We’ll have to wait for them to leave, the ones on the other floors are too far away to try walking to. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. There should be two per room.” “Darn space constraints,” Zoe agreed. A sixth-grader exited the handicapped stall and stared at the twins. “Uh…hi! Don’t mind us, we need that stall. Can’t fit in the others. Ignore us.” She gave a big smile and scurried herself and her sister into the handicapped stall, then closed the door. “You couldn’t wait to pee?” Chloe whispered from inside. “Of course not, you know my bladder’s weaker than yours! And you should go too, sooner or later my hormones will make it to your side.” After doing their business the twins made to exit, but found the door jammed shut. “What?! Oh no! The door’s stuck!” “No, Zoe, don’t you hear that bonking noise?” Chloe asked, shoving the door to make a wooden-sounding rattle. “Someone put a chair against the door.” They heard a giggle from outside. “Have fun making it to picture day!” someone said. “The school should’ve never admitted a monster like you!” “If that’s the girl we saw earlier…” Chloe growled. “Do we have our phones?” Zoe asked. “No duh, this is the skirt with pockets.” Chloe took out her phone and sent a text:
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Chloe
HELP! WE’RE STUCK IN THE SECOND-FLOOR BATHROOM! SOMEONE SHOVED A CHAIR AGAINST THE STALL DOOR!
“WHAT?!” Ms. Bustier’s class exclaimed as one. “This is an outrage!” Kim fumed. “I’m gonna march right in and– oh, wait, no I can’t!” “I’ll go,” Juleka said shyly. “Juleka, it’s almost time to go! Let me do it, I’m faster!” Alix exclaimed. “Alix, i-it’s alright. My curse keeps me out of picture day anyway, might as well have it be for a good cause.” Juleka stood up and left the room, her classmates exchanging a concerned look.
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Sabrina
Juleka’s on her way!
Heavy footsteps and the screeching of a chair against tile. “Are you dressed?” “We can open it ourselves, Couffaine.” Chloe opened the door herself. “Thanks.” “I owed you one,” Juleka replied. “Now let’s get outta here!” As they exited the bathroom, the girl the twins had seen before stopped them. “Ugh, what? And that’s what helped you?” “Juleka’s not a that,” Zoe said firmly. “Now please leave, we have places to go.” The twins started walking, but the girl grabbed Zoe’s arm. “Not until you tell me why he was in the girl’s bathroom!” she demanded. Juleka’s visible eye widened. “W-what–” “Oh, don’t play innocent with me you tranny freak! I bet you wanted to be in there to spy on real girls like me! Ugly whores like you–” “Were being recorded.” The sixth-grader whipped around to look at Chloe, who still had her phone out. “And…sent. I bet Mr. Damocles would love to hear what your parents have to say about that.” “They’ll say that I was in the right, men who pretend to be women don’t belong in this school. Or anywhere.” The twins gasped at the implied death threat. Juleka started tearing up, then ran away. “Juleka!” Zoe cried. “Come back!” “Yeah, run away!” the sixth-grader giggled, then paled as Ms. Mendeleiev marched over. “Principal’s office! NOW!” Mendeleiev roared as she led the sixth-grader away.“Mr. Roullier, not all of my students are here,” Ms. Bustier said. “Time waits for no one! I shall start with Mr. Agreste and work my way down!” Roullier scoffed. “It’s okay, we’ve met,” Adrien said apologetically as he took his seat. “Spaghetti like your mama made it!” Adrien beamed model-perfectly and the picture was taken. “Excellent! Now, Ms. Bourgeois and…Ms. Bourgeois? What?” “The mayor’s kids,” Adrien reminded him. “They take their portraits separately.” “Oh, of course! Well, I don’t see them, so Mr. Bruel, up you come!” “Hope they make it,” Ivan remarked as he took Adrien’s place. “Your photographer works fast.” “Spaghetti! …oh, bother, low battery.” “Or they might have a chance,” the hefty boy muttered to himself.Juleka crumpled up against a wall and sobbed, not noticing a slimy moth disappear into the small mirror she wore on her right wrist. Smog the color of her hair consumed her. “Reflekta, I am Hawk Moth. What troubles you today?” Juleka’s inner self sniffled. “Th-they…some girl called me a…a t-t-tranny. A-and now I’m gonna b-be l-late for p-picture d-day…n-not that it m-matters, I-I don’t b-belong in one.” “I see, I see. You must have trouble with your body image.” She nodded. “Poor girl. I can fix that. You should be the one deciding how people get to look, not the other way around. That would be fair after all they’ve judged you over the years, right?” “I-I guess.” “Good. How would you like to look?” “...pink. Loud and p-pink. Like my mom was when she was m-my age.” “Excellent. Please wait for your transformation to proceed.” The smog dissipated, and Juleka smiled at her new look. Her dress and gloves were the same shade of pinkish-red as her mother’s glasses, her hair in a messy magenta mane that let both eyes, now amber, see the world unimpeded. Her face had been caked in white paint with red makeup around her eyes, and streaks of pale pink and green decorated her skirt, sleeves, and leggings. A pair of red high-heeled boots with flame patterning completed the look. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” “You’re very much welcome. In return, I’d like to have Ladybug and Chat Noire’s Miraculous once you’ve had your fun.” “It’d be my pleasure.”The Bourgeois twins stomped into the courtyard. “Ah, girls! You’re very late! And so sour! Where’s the spaghetti that your mama made?” Roullier asked. “Our mother doesn’t cook for anyone!” Chloe barked. “And she sucked complete ass the few times she did!” “Oh! Apologies! How about your father’s spaghetti?” The twins sat down, gave him perfect smiles, and let him take their pictures. “Excellent! Mr. Le Chien?” While Kim took the twins’ place, Sabrina asked “Girls, what happened? Is everything alright? And where’s Juleka?” “The bitch who locked us in the stall called her a tranny!” Chloe snapped. Sabrina gasped. “Holy crap!” “Yeah, good thing Ms. Mendeleiev saw!” Zoe replied with a snort. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” “Get your own verbal tic!” her sister retorted. “We haven’t seen her since, she ran away and we lost her, and, well…picture day. Shit, we’re awful friends.” “Juleka likes to have time by herself to recover from things like that, you gave her space like she would’ve wanted,” Rose said with a sigh while wringing the hem of her skirt. “Poor girl. I still wish I could be there for her, though, it’s not healthy to do that alone.” “And now you can!” Juleka backflipped into the courtyard. “Ms. Raincomprix?” Roullier asked, oblivious. “She’s been akumatized!” Nino gasped. “Alya, dial the heroes!” “I’m trying to, but these pants are too tight!” Alya said as she struggled to get her phone out of her pockets. “Don’t worry, I can fix that.” Juleka pointed a finger at Alya and zapped her with green light. Alya’s skinny jeans suddenly grew a size wider and she easily retrieved her phone. “Thanks!” Alya said. “Wait…” “Stay on my good side, and I’ll help you. Make me mad…” Juleka sent a beam at Roullier and he was suddenly enveloped in a black fencer’s uniform. “You get punished.” “Confound it! The lens is dirty!” Roullier said, not noticing the change in his attire. She blinked. “Wow, that man is an idiot. Anyway, it was nice talking with you, but I have a few scores to settle! Reflekta out!” She flipped out (literally, over the roof). “Is it weird that I think she looks really hot like that?” Rose asked, blushing up a storm. “It’s not just you,” Alix said, fanning herself a bit. “Hot damn, confident Jules is a dream. But she’s under the influence right now, so we’ve gotta get her out of it. Ms. Bustier, we might have to delay picture day until after Juleka’s recovered.” “I would like to, but I don’t think the photographer agrees!” Ms. Bustier said nervously, pointing at Roullier finally managing to take his perfect picture of Sabrina. “Out of space on my SD card! I’ll have to buy a new one. I’ll be right back!” Roullier declared before running away. “...is this what Juleka meant by ‘curse’?” Bustier asked. “Yeah,” Nathaniel, dressed in a white button-down shirt and brown slacks, supplied. “She’s never been able to have a good picture day due to stuff like that.” “I see. Well, you know what to do, class: hide until Ladybug and Chat Noire save her! Alya, Chloe, and Zoe, you’re excused to track her movements.” “Thanks, Ms. Bustier, we’ll do what we can to cheer her up!” Alya beamed. “Or find her, at least,” Chloe remarked. “I wish we were that fast in heels.”Vincent Aza was now in prison, serving a four-month sentence for breaking & entering and another five for violating his restraining order. “What could make this worse?” he complained inside his cell. “How about I bring back the uniform?” Juleka phased through the wall, zapped him, and phased back out. Vincent looked down and found himself the new owner of a black-and-white 1920s prison uniform, complete with ball and chain.The sixth-grader sulked in Mr. Damocles’ office. “I do not tolerate hate speech, Ms. Bain,” Ms. Mendeleiev said in a low voice. “No matter what your parents tell you, it is not right to use discriminatory language.” “I agree,” Damocles said. “This school is meant to be a safe space away from that kind of thought, what would people say if it wasn’t?” “That you stopped being pussies,” the girl, Evie Bain, shrugged, causing him to gasp. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Juleka phased into the room and zapped the sixth-grader, cloaking her in blue overalls three sizes too tight and covered in drawings of trash cans. “And this is for not catching her earlier.” She zapped Damocles’ suit until it was purple with banana print, then left. “What does she mean by ‘not catching you earlier’?” Damocles questioned, frowning at the state of his clothes. “And why do I like this suit?” he muttered to himself. “Perhaps her social media will tell us more,” Mendeleiev said as she took out her phone to look Evie Bain up online. For the first time that day, the sixth-grader showed fear.Anarka Couffaine was typing at her computer when Juleka appeared in her office, hugged her, and left just as suddenly. She blinked. “What the stark-raving fuck?”Ladybug panted as she collapsed against the outer wall of Francoise Dupont. “Why is she so FAST?!” “She must have light-based powers,” Chat groaned, barely able to stand. “She uses light to turn people’s clothing funny, and she travels at the speed of light.” “We’ve got sightings from all over the city,” Alya said as she checked her Ladyblog feed. “Like this elementary school, for instance; why there?” Zoe looked at the name of the school and recognized it. “I guess that’s her motivation, then: revenge against her old bullies. I say that because that’s Juleka’s old elementary school, she came out when she was eight and some of her teachers didn’t take it well.” “Came out? As a lesbian?” Chat asked. “Uh, no, she’s bi actually. Sapphic, but she likes boys too. Juleka’s…do you know what ‘transgender’ is, Chat Noire? Normally I wouldn’t bring it up, but I think it’s important for you to know since I think it’s involved with how she got akumatized.” “Is it a person who’s born one gender and then turns into the other one?” “You’re mixing up sex and gender, kitty,” Ladybug gently corrected. “You can’t change your biological sex, that’s in your DNA. Gender’s more flexible since it’s part of how you think. And yeah, most trans people are male-to-female or female-to-male, but some feel more comfortable as a gender outside of the traditional binary.” “Juleka probably got akumatized because the girl who locked Chloe and I in the bathroom called her a ‘tranny’, which is a slur against trans people and transwomen especially,” Zoe explained. “Granted, it was quasi-acceptable a few years ago, but lately there’s been a lot more backlash against it.” “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude, I just don’t think I’ve ever met any trans people before,” Chat apologized. “Well, besides Juleka, I mean. Is that why she’s so shy?” “Not entirely,” Chloe replied. “I’ve seen people who don’t like her because she’s taller than they are, and others who don’t like her because she’s interested in goth stuff. And I’m pretty sure that the whole bad-luck-in-school-photos thing did not help. Let’s face it, she’s always been targeted by someone for her appearance; today’s incident was simply personal enough to get her akumatized.” “Poor thing,” Alya said ruefully. “We have to break that curse of hers.” “Please do! Selfie!” Juleka suddenly appeared and made Alya take a selfie with her. “But I can’t have you interfering with my fun.” She made Alya’s pants too tight again, then made the sleeves of her shirt too long and tied her up with them. “Now hand over the Miraculous, heroes.” “Not a chance! Lucky Charm!” Ladybug got a mirror. “Aha! Reflekta, time to get reflec-ted!” Chat started laughing. “Shut up, Chat!” “We so need to do a pun workshop when this is over,” Chat guffawed as she took out her staff. “Anyway, Juleka, time to get–” The staff passed through her stomach harmlessly. “Oh riiiight, light powers. Light’s intangible.” “Revenge!” Reflekta declared, zapping Chat. The heroine found herself wearing a cat harness, which made her flop to the ground uselessly. “Revenge!” She turned Ladybug’s costume purple, orange, and wingless like a ladybug larva. “Revenge!” The twins found themselves wearing five-inch-tall platform heels, which made them unsteady. “Now to get Audrey Lee, the worst fashion designer in the world!” “Chat, Cataclysm your harness before she turns this domestic terrorism international!” Chloe barked. “Even though I kinda wanna see her fuck over my mom!” Chat grabbed the leash coming from the harness. “Cataclysm!” It dissolved and she stood up before tossing her staff to Alya. “Catch, Alya!” “Got it!” Alya hip-checked the staff at Juleka, who decided to blast her again…right as Ladybug threw the mirror in the way. Juleka was hit by her own power and found herself in a massive winter coat with mittens so thick that the strap of her wrist mirror snapped in half, sending the mirror crashing to the ground. Chat purified the escaping moth in an instant. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure restored everyone’s clothing to normal and repaired Juleka’s mirror. “Juleka, are you okay?” “Ugh…how did I–” Juleka froze. “Did I g-get akumatized b-because of w-what that girl c-called me and r-ruin picture day?” “Don’t worry, the photographer’s out buying a new SD card, he’ll be out for a while. Trust me, making the right selection can be pretty hard,” Alya smiled. “There’s time to break your curse yet, Juleka, and Mama Alya is gonna lead you through the steps! Twins, you’re on wardrobe!” “I mean, Juleka’s looking pretty good already,” Chloe said as she looked the goth over. “Purple dress with multiple layers at the bottom and black leggings? Very feminine.” “Yeah, we just need to fix her eyes and foundation and she’ll be good to go,” Zoe nodded. Juleka beamed a rare beam. “You guys are great. Thanks. I owe you another one.” “It’s on the house, friend,” Zoe smiled. Juleka wiped her eyes, this time out of joy. For some reason Chat’s heart turned envious at the sight.“And smile like your mama’s spaghetti is full of gummy worms!” “What,” Sabrina said, flabbergasted. Alix burst into laughter. Juleka grinned and the photo was taken. “Perfect! Now join your classmates and we’ll take the big photo!” “The funny part is my mom actually does that,” Juleka laughed after Roullier gathered Ms. Bustier’s class together. “Juleka, that’s sacrilege!” Marinette gasped. “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it, Mari.” “And one big smile like your spaghetti is the world’s biggest ever!” The class smiled together and the photo was taken. “Beautiful! Take a look!” They did, and gasped. “Juleka, your curse is broken!” Nino exclaimed. “Your picture is perfect!” “I guess the problem was all my pent-up dysphoria,” Juleka guessed with a relieved grin. “Once I let it out, no more curse!” “Ms. Couffaine?” Mr. Damocles approached her and bowed. “I apologize for not being a more watchful principal, it turns out Ms. Bain has been cyberbullying her classmates and others for months. She’s been expelled for that along with that filth she slung against you.” “A-and her parents?” she gulped. “After Daddy’s through with them after she locked us in a bathroom and left us to die, not to mention the fact that she suicide-baited you, they’ll be lucky to find a private school willing to take her,” Chloe said darkly. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Zoe agreed. “But I’m glad she won’t be locking anyone else in the bathroom again. Well, as far as we know, at least. A-and Juleka, I’m sorry, I kinda told the heroes about you being–” “That’s fine, Zoe. They’re superheroes and open-minded ones at that, a-and they needed to know how I was turned to set things right. A-as long as you don’t tell anyone bad I’m fine with you telling people I’m…unconventional.” “Trust me, Juleka, we won’t be telling our mom.” Juleka smiled and held out her fist, the one with the mirror. “Thanks. To being unconventional girls.” “To being unconventional girls.” They fist-bumped her. “So, what’re your plans for tonight?” Zoe asked as Rollier packed up his things. “Luka’s probably worried sick, I guess I’ll have to jam with him for an hour to calm his nerves, and mine,” the goth mused. “But I mean, I need the practice anyway, I can’t remember the last time I used my bass.” “Do you remember anything about being akumatized?” Mylene asked. “The start of it, a little…Hawk Moth asked me what I wanted to look like, and…I think he’s not as evil as we think he is. I think he’s got the right motivation, but the wrong execution. At the very least he’s not a transphobe, I wanted to look that outrageous since I wanted to pay homage to some of Mom’s old photoshoots, which was how I cracked my egg in the first place. Is that the right word? I think that’s the right word.” “I thought I recognized your boots,” Marinette muttered. “Juleka’s right,” Alya said. “Hawk Moth actually talked to me a few days ago when my sisters got akumatized. Somebody close to him is under a curse and he’s trying to change history to prevent it, and he’s doing his deal-with-the-devil stuff to find out who has the Ladybug and Black Cat so he can take them and use them to make a Wish.” “And naturally we fear the Wish’s unintended consequences,” Juleka determined. “I could wish for people to not judge how I look, and they’ll judge me for how I speak instead. N-not like they don’t a-already given my s-stutter.” “The people who do that to you are jerks,” Rose said firmly. “Ignore them. As long as you’re not hurting anybody, judging you makes them the wrong ones, not you. And if even Hawk Moth thinks that’s a line not worth crossing then it’s not a line worth talking to. Besides, Juleka, they’re wrong about other things too.” “Th-they are?” “Yep! You’re not ugly at all! In fact, you’re the prettiest girl I know!” Juleka went as red as Reflekta’s hair and, the stress of the day finally getting to her, fainted dead away. “Rose!” Sabrina’s voice came from somewhere. “Sorry, Juleka!” Rose winced. “Asfaghdkj,” went Juleka on the floor. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe facepalmed, finally reclaiming her wayward catchphrase. “Can somebody help her up?” “I’ll do it!” Kim volunteered. “Thanks.”
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Nathaniel hummed as he sketched. “Annnnd…done. How does it look, Nino?” he asked as he showed Nino his draft for their film’s poster before art class began. “It looks great, dude! That’s going to be the BEST poster!” Nino nodded enthusiastically. “Careful, Nino, nod any harder and your head’s going to fall off,” Ivan chuckled fondly. “It looks awesome, Nath. Especially once you color it in.” Nathaniel laughed. “Coloring’s going to be the most tedious part. But hey, we’ve got until the thirtieth to turn it in, and I can probably crank this out in two days. Assuming there’s no big tests this week, that is.” “Nah, aside from that history quiz on Thursday we’re fine.” Ivan looked up and saw the Bourgeois twins enter the room. “Oh, hey girls. Here’s the draft for the poster.” Chloe looked at it and nodded. “Great. Color it in and send it over, Kurtezburg, we’re going to blow it up.” “Huh?” Nathaniel did a double-take. “Oh, you meant make it big.” “She’s gotten it into her head that both our homeroom and Ms. Mendeleiev’s homeroom should see it together, and now she wants to advertise it,” Zoe said with a roll of her eyes. “Although I don’t know of a reciprocal performance of theirs to make it fairer.” “Huh. I’ll ask around during Akuma Club, Mireille and Aurore oughta know something.” “Thanks, Nath!” she beamed.As Nathaniel was making his way to Akuma Club he ran into a boy in a red hoodie. “Oh hai Marc.” “You did NOT,” fumed Marc Anciel before snickering. “Hey Nath, how are you?” “Makin’ a poster for Nino’s monster movie. I play the police officer who dies first. How about you?” “Oh, I’m glad you asked! I got an idea for a superhero comic after being inspired by our heroes!” “Nice. Have you run it by them yet? They’re a little touchy about publicity since, y’know, Hawk Moth.” “No, I won’t be basing it on them directly,” he replied. “But I wanted to ask them about an idea I had that’s inspired by their power system.” “Solid. Alright, I gotta go to Akuma Club, but I hope you get lucky. Take care.” “You too!”“A comic book?” Ladybug asked that afternoon. “Yeah, a comic book about superheroes. I was inspired by your power system and I wanted to know if I could have something similar in mine.” “How so?” “Well, they’ve got animal gods, but they’re based on the Greek zodiac.” Ladybug jolted a bit. “What makes you say that?” “Well, you’re an animal-themed heroine, and I’ve noticed how similar your powers are to magical girl anime, so I figured that Miraculous had to be jewelry with animal gods inside of them.” “Holy shit you’re right, that is like a magical girl anime.” She buried her face into all four hands. “Why is this my LIFE?” She recovered. “Continue.” “So, the lowest tier would be the Greek zodiac itself. Aries would be a sheep, Taurus would be a bull, Gemini would be a swan–” “Why a swan?” “Gemini represents Castor and Pollux, the sons of Leda.” She nodded thoughtfully. “Cancer would be a crab, Leo would be a lion, Virgo would be a human–” “A human?” she chuckled. “Humans are animals!” he defended himself. “Anyway, Libra would be an owl since they’re associated with Themis, Scorpio would be a scorpion, Capricorn would be a goat, Aquarius would be an eagle since the sign represents Ganymede, and Pisces would be a barbel, which is a kind of carp that lives in Greece.” “You mentioned tiers, is there one above the zodiac?” “Yeah, the elements. Water is a coral, Earth is a crane, Fire is a salamander, and Air is a moth. Then there’s Quintessence, which would be a snake and the strongest jewel.” She nodded. “If you fudge the details a bit it should be okay, I don’t think Hawk Moth is paying too much attention to extracurriculars unless emotions are involved.” “Solid! Thank you so much for the endorsement, Ladybug!” “Don’t thank me yet, we still have to get Chat on board.” “She’s on board!” Chat said, revealing herself to be sitting next Ladybug. Ladybug broke character and fell over. “DAHHH HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE.” “The whole time! I came in here first, actually, how come you didn’t notice?”Marc was writing in his journal the following morning when Aurore and a blonde-haired girl in turquoise named Olivia came up to the front of the classroom. “Hello everyone!” Aurore said. “Yesterday it came to my attention that Ms. Bustier’s class is making a short film and they would like to show it as part of an inter-class exchange with us! And I think we could use a project like that to show how awesome our class can be!” “Yeah, I’m down with that,” Jean said. “When are they showing it?” “Well, Nino said the submission deadline is on Halloween, so I guess we could do the showcase then after break starts,” Olivia suggested. “That’s not a lot of time,” a dark-haired girl in pink remarked. “What could we write in nine days that’s worth a big production?” Marc sat up, intrigued. “I dunno, Simone. So we’re asking you guys!” Aurore announced. Marc’s hand immediately shot up. “Yes, Marc?” “I had an idea for a superhero comic, we could do a reading of the script, and I write pretty fast so I can turn it out by the thirty-first,” Marc said. “And Ladybug and Chat Noire already endorsed it so we don’t have to worry about controversy.” “You got their endorsements?! Marc, that’s so cool!” Mireille gushed. Many of Marc’s classmates agreed with her assessment. “But does anybody else have any ideas?” “Something cool enough to stand up to a film?” Charles scoffed. “Nah, I got nothin’. Anciel’s thing is as good an idea as any.” “You’re not serious, are you?” scoffed a blonde-haired boy with green eyes. “Marc Anciel? What’s he gonna write? Some dumb little romance thing?” “Connor,” Aurore said sternly. “I’m just saying!” The door to the room opened and Ms. Mendeleiev stepped inside, sending Aurore and Olivia scrambling into their seats. “Is everyone ready for today’s quiz in thermodynamics?” she asked. Marc slipped his journal into his bag and gave her a nod. “Well, Mr. Anciel, since you’re prepared you get to start first.” She handed him the quiz and he quickly started writing. Connor glared at him enviously.Connor accosted Marc during lunch. “What the hell, man? It’s because of you that the rest of us look bad!” he snapped. “H-how?!” Marc whimpered. “Making ideas, getting complimented by Mad Dog Mendeleiev; you make the rest of us look like idiots! And I’m tired of looking like an idiot!” “YO! Back off!” Kim intervened. “What the hell, Connor?! What the hell?!” “Oh, Kim. I’d expect you to defend Marc given it was your stupid class’ idea to start this ‘interclass exchange’ shit. Who needs to learn that?” “Yo, as a competitive swimmer I gotta know how to respect the other team! That’s just sportsmanship!” “Yeah, and Marc doesn’t play sports. So he’s fair game.” Then Marc erupted in a flash of purple smog. “Oh, what now?” “Connor, you moron! Marc got akumatized because of you!” Kim snarled as Marc emerged from the smog in a black-and-white color scheme. “This is your fault!” “It is,” Marc said, his voice now unusually deep. “And as your punishment, the Reverser shall reverse something precious of yours.” He levitated a paper airplane telekinetically folded from a page in his notebook into his hands and threw it at Connor, the impact making a brief flash of white light. “Was that supposed to do anything?” Connor asked as he grabbed an apple from the lunch line. Or tried to, at least. “WHAT?!” “Your hand-eye coordination would come in handy right now,” Marc chuckled. “I’ll leave you to it. As for you…” he said as he turned towards Kim. “You could’ve stepped in earlier. So have fun being a swimmer who can’t swim.” Another paper plane, another flash. “NOOOOOOO!” Kim cried at the ceiling. “I CAN’T GO TO THE POOL AFTER SCHOOL!” Marc chuckled darkly and started levitating around the room. “Wait…the twins! They’ll know what to do!”Kim slammed the door to Ms. Bustier’s classroom open. “CHLOE AND ZOE MARC BECAME A VILLAIN.” “KIM!” Chloe shrieked, jolting in surprise. “Fucking KNOCK! And what’s this about Marc? Do we even know a Marc?” “Anciel,” Zoe said. “Ohhh, him. Oh yeah, Marc Anciel from seventh grade! How did he of all people get akumatized? He’s a total sweetheart.” “Connor was yelling at him over a quiz and your presentation idea thingy,” Kim said. “He’s reversing things…HE TOOK AWAY MY ABILITY TO SWIM!” he sobbed. The twins stood up and walked over. “Hug?” Zoe offered. Kim nodded and the girls hugged him. “It’s okay, Kim. We’ll get it back.” “How touching.” They turned to see Marc floating in the doorway. “You two were responsible for the idea to have our classes exchange works, the very thing that led to my creation. You must face the consequences.” He drew a paper airplane and took aim, threw it, and fled. “Ugh…” Chloe groaned. “What…happened?” “Yeah, I feel so weird,” Zoe said as she scratched her nose…with her right hand. They looked down and discovered what Marc had reversed: which twin was on which side of their body. They screamed and fainted.Something lightly slapped their faces. “Ow! Cut that out!” Chloe griped, trying to swipe at them with her right hand, only to fail at that. She sat up. “Sabrina? What are you…why are you over…oh shit. ZOE!” “DROP THE FROG RIGHT NOW, MISTER!” Zoe gasped as she snapped awake. “Ohhh…I just had the weirdest dream…” “It wasn’t a dream, girls,” Sabrina said. “Marc swapped your heads.” “I think he might’ve swapped a bit more than that,” Zoe said as she looked down at her hands. “This is my manicure, Chloe wasn’t wearing this shade of blue today. He must’ve reversed which one of us was on which side of our body at the cellular level.” “Is this what it’s like having two legs?” Chloe asked while moving her new left leg up and down. Then her eyes widened. “Oh, no. We’ll have to learn how to walk all over again! It took us three years to learn how the first time!” “Yeah, we figured. Kim’s already been reversed, so he’s going to help Ladybug and Chat Noire since he thinks he might be immune now,” Sabrina said. “He said he felt obligated since he saw Mark get akumatized. I trust him to at least give it a good try.” Chloe sighed. “I’ll trust him too. How are the heroes faring?” “They just showed up last I knew. In the meantime, I want you to stay here since you can’t walk. Zoe’s left-handed, so she can do all the writing for you if you need to write. Alix and I are gonna talk to Connor, Kim says he’s the one who caused it, and Ivan and Nathaniel are coming by later to keep watch of the classroom. Stay safe you two.” As Sabrina left the room, Chloe sighed again. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. At least being Ladybug taught you how to use two arms.” “Yeah…now what do we do?” Zoe replied nervously.“Ladybug! Chat Noire!” Kim said when he saw the heroes. “The twins got hit, now their heads are on each other’s shoulders!” “Um…what? ” Chat blinked. “Kim, can you explain that a bit more?” Ladybug asked. “Marc got turned into a villain and his paper airplanes make things about you the opposite! I got hit, he says I can’t swim anymore! The twins got hit, and now Chloe’s on the left and Zoe’s on the right! And now they can’t walk!” “Shit,” Ladybug swore. “We have to get this done fast, kitty. If we get hit we might lose something important. Like my gracefulness or your happiness.” “I like being happy!” Chat gulped. “Alright, Kim, where did you see him last?” “RIGHT BEHIND YOU!” Two paper planes hit each girl in the back. Ladybug summoned a yo-yo in her upper right hand and slung it out at another incoming paper airplane…but it flopped uselessly to the ground a foot away. Ladybug strained to pick it up and her eyes widened. “Oh no! He took away my superhuman strength!” Chat tried to bat away another paper airplane but her staff wouldn’t move the right way. “He took away my fencing skills! Now what?” “I’ll let you figure that out while I finish my quest,” Marc said as he started levitating. “Ta-ta.” And with that he sped away in a flurry of paper. “This is gonna suck, I still feel sore in my knees from chasing Juleka around town,” Ladybug groaned. “At least I can still fly, but I won’t be able to take you along.” “And if I can’t fence then I can’t vault either,” Chat frowned. “But we can still interfere with his game. He hasn’t declawed me, so I’ll try to shred his planes. Any I miss, you try to draw away as best you can.” “If his vector is paper airplanes then the akuma must be in his notebook,” Ladybug deduced. “So if you used Cataclysm on a water fountain we could make it soggy enough to get the moth out.” “Uh, girls?” Kim asked. “I’m still here, y’know. I wanna help!” “Thanks for the offer, Kim, and we’ll take it. I’m gonna need you to do my hitting for me until I send out the Ladybug Cure, I’ll tell you how to hit the paper airplanes away from your classmates.” She handed Kim a yo-yo and he squeed. “I finally got asked to punch something!” “Girls? Are you there?” Nathaniel asked as he and Ivan entered Ms. Bustier’s room. He blinked at the sight of them. “Whoa, Sabrina wasn’t kidding. You too?” “Too?” Chloe asked. “Ivan and I got hit too. My color vision got inverted, you look weird with blue hair.” “,sdrawkcab klat I won dnA” Ivan added. Then he heard footsteps behind him and turned around. “?oot desrever teg uoy diD ?syuG” “What does it look like?” Alix griped as she struggled to stay upright. “I can’t skate anymore, he reversed my balance!” “He reversed my height!” Rose, now ten-foot-four instead of four-foot-ten, said as she also wobbled. “At least this isn’t the first time I’ve been this tall…” “He reversed my gravity!” Sabrina fumed, now standing on the ceiling. “I can’t go outside or I’ll end up floating away!” “He reversed my sense of rhythm! Now I can’t evaluate the soundtrack Juleka made for our movie!” Nino wept. “AND SPEAKING OF ME, HE REVERSED MY VOLUME!” Juleka said, her normally soft voice now a shout that rattled the windows. Chloe removed her hand from her left ear. “Ow. Alright, we need a plan. Since we’re stuck here on account of not being able to walk we should brainstorm. Do we know why Marc got akumatized?” “Yeah, Connor decided to be an asshole about Marc being ready for Ms. Mendeleiev’s science quiz, and for having an idea for that project thing Nath mentioned too,” Alix said. “No wonder we were an early target,” Zoe realized. “We’re the ones who had the idea.” “No, Zoe, it was my idea,” Chloe huffed. “I wanted people to have something to talk about that wasn’t my temper or our bodies. Guess I went too far.” “Maybe you got a little carried away with wanting a big poster, but I appreciate trying to give people a better reason to talk about us than being freaks,” Zoe said warmly. “Yeah, and I was thinking about doing a promo like that anyway,” Nino shrugged. “I just wanted people to have a good time working on something fun together.” “Hey, guys?” Sabrina asked suddenly. “I just thought of something. Kim went out because he thought getting hit made him immune to Marc’s powers…but what if he isn’t?” “?niaga emoC” Ivan asked. “What if Kim’s not immune to Marc’s powers? What if getting hit by another paper airplane reverses him again?” Rose gasped. “And if he reverses the reversal, then it’s like Kim was never reversed in the first place!” She rolled her tongue. “Bleh, that’s a mouthful.” “Sabrina’s right, Marc’s only reversing one thing per person,” Nathaniel realized. “He must only be able to reverse one thing about them, and if they get hit again they should cancel out.” Chloe’s eyes narrowed as she mulled it over. “But we can use how we are now to distract him. I’ve got a plan. Juleka, we’ll need your voice, Lavillant, we’ll need your height, and Sabrina, we’ll need your…spacetime continuum fuckery. And will someone get her a rope that we can tie around her ankle?”Chat slunk around the school, watching Marc fling paper airplanes at people and shredding them before they could reach their targets, all while Kim and Ladybug tried to draw the noirette towards a water fountain. She saw Alya recording the fight, and then a paper airplane headed her way. “Alya, watch out!” she whispered. Alya ducked the offending origami in time and watched as Chat’s claws shredded it. “Thanks! How are you?” “Can’t fence, still have my claws,” Chat replied. “NOT FOR LONG!” Marc threw a paper airplane at Chat and it glanced off her tail. The next plane was batted away by her staff on reflex…which made everyone’s eyes widen. “HAWK MOTH! I can only reverse one thing at a time and the next plane reverses it back!” Marc complained. “What did you want me to do? You didn’t ASK to reverse more than one thing at a time!” Hawk Moth replied through a purple visor. “Then I guess you won’t mind if we borrow that!” Kim said as he snatched a paper airplane that had been knocked to the floor. He poked himself with it and sighed. “Sweet swimming at last. Hey Ladybug, catch!” He tossed it at her, only for it to pathetically blow to the side. “Heheh, he uh, he didn’t fix my aim,” he said sheepishly. Marc fumed. “Everyone will PAY for trying to reverse my good fortunes! AIR RAID!” He summoned a dozen paper airplanes at once and threw them at the people he hadn’t hit yet, reversing things from heights to hair colors to weights to handedness. “Marc, calm down! This isn’t you!” Ladybug pleaded. “It is now! If my luck went from good to bad, so should the luck of everyone who wronged me!” “That’s not the right way to think, Marc!” Marc whipped around to face Juleka, who was standing at the other end of the hall next to Rose clustered around something. “Stop doing this! …p-please?” Marc fumed as he began marching over to get in her face. “How can you take their side?” “He’s distracted!” Kim said. “Ladybug, prepare to spread your wings!” “Why?” Ladybug asked. “‘Cuz you’re gonna get used like a shotput!” He picked her up, spun around twice, and then threw her down the hall. “YEET!” “AAAAAH!” Ladybug barely managed to spread her wings in time to soften her collision with Marc, whose lower back she rammed into headfirst. They tumbled to the ground, Marc’s notebook detaching from his pants in the process. Rose bent over and threw the notebook up to Sabrina, whom Juleka was holding in place with a jump rope around her right ankle. “Sabs!” Sabrina caught it and raced along the ceiling a few feet, which was somewhat hard to do with her negated gravity. “Kim! Go long!” “Oh no you don’t!” Marc said, aiming to re-reverse her gravity. “Oh yes she does! LUCKY CHARM!” Ladybug got a pair of handcuffs. “Perfect!” She stood up and watched as Alix scooted over from her hiding spot on the floor behind Rose and Juleka and cuffed Marc’s hands together for her. “No more paper airplanes for you, young man!” Sabrina wound up and threw the notebook to Kim. “Chat! Get messy!” “CATACLYSM!” Chat put her hand on the water fountain and it eroded in such a way that the pipes beneath it started spewing water all over the floor. “Kim, yeet it over!” “YEET AGAIN!” Kim yote the notebook into the water and it turned soggy, a very damp moth spilling out of it as though it had been tucked between the pages. It was purified and Chat scooped it up in her hands before blowing on it to dry it out, then gingerly helped it outside through an open window. “Here, lemme get those cuffs for you again,” Alix said as she undid the ladybug-patterned handcuffs. “Thanks.” Ladybug took the cuffs, oddly struggling under their weight, and gave them a tiny throw. “Miraculous Ladybug!” A wave of black light washed over the school ahead of the ladybug storm. When it settled, everyone there was back to themselves – Juleka was quiet, Rose was short, Sabrina was standing on the floor, the water fountain had been repaired, and the spilled water was gone. Marc groaned. “What…” “I can lift!” Ladybug said, easily pulling Alix and Marc to their feet, her strength restored. “WE CAN WALK!” came a double shout. Chloe and Zoe power-hobbled out of their classroom, back to their normal selves. “Girls! You’re back!” Kim hooted. “Alright!” Alix high-fived them, then Kim. “Thanks a bunch, man! You really made up for D’Argencourt!” “I can be a hero too, you shouldn’t have doubted me,” he boasted. “Yeah, yeah, yuck it up while you can. Marc, you okay? Connor told us what he said to you. Didn’t seem very apologetic either.” While their backs were turned Ladybug and Chat Noire slipped away. Marc sighed. “I just wanted to share my writing with you all, so did my classmates except for Connor. After that I don’t remember.” “You blamed Connor for turning your mood from happy to sad, so you played opposites with us,” Nathaniel said as he and Ivan followed the twins outside. “Yeah, my tongue still kinda hurts,” Ivan said, rolling his tongue while making a face. “But we know it’s not your fault your feelings got hurt and Hawk Moth used them to turn you.” “I found Connor.” Alya marched Connor up to Marc. “Apologize, now.” “Or what?” Connor scoffed. “Or I’ll see to it that on the next short film we work on you’ll be stuck as our GOFER!” Chloe threatened. “Trust me, she is not lying,” Zoe added. “I can feel her heartbeat through my lungs and that is definitely her serious beat right now.” Connor gulped. “Uh…sorry, Anciel, I won’t judge your stories again.” Under his breath he added “This year.” “So I could reverse people’s traits?” Marc pondered. “Yeah, with paper planes no less,” Marinette said as she approached the group. He nodded. “I think I know what my villain for my story will be.” “Welcome to Akuma Club,” Nathaniel said. “You’ve passed step one of admission: find a way to deal with it.” “Don’t you have something to draw right now?” Connor snarked. Nathaniel paled. “Oh shit, the poster!” He raced away to finish it. Connor laughed, and then yelped at the glares he was getting from Ms. Bustier’s students. “Shutting up! I am shutting up right now!”“About time!” Kim exclaimed.
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Marinette was doing her homework in the bakery when the door opened. She perked up at the noise and saw a Chinese girl with pigtails & glasses enter the building. “Oh, hello Marinette,” the girl smiled. “Socqueline!” Marinette exclaimed, jumping to her feet. “It’s been so long since we last talked! How are you? How’s eleventh grade treating you?” “I’m helping plan our Halloween/All Saint’s Day dance, if that’s what you’re asking,” her former upperclassman Socqueline Wang grinned. “Which reminds me, where are your parents? We need to cater it.” “Mama, Papa, Socqueline’s here with an order!” Marinette called. “I’m coming, don’t fret!” Sabine exited the bakery itself and bowed to Socqueline. “Socqueline, good to see you.” “Ms. Cheng,” Socqueline bowed back. “Our school’s Halloween/All Saint’s Day dance is coming up and I’ve been assigned to find a caterer. Naturally, I thought I would ask you.” “I’d be delighted to cater for your highschool,” Sabine said with a laugh. “Tom’s busy at the moment but I can take your order. Did you have anything specific in mind?” “Beyond a request for pumpkin spice everything and Luka mentioning something about gummy worms? No, I don’t.” Sabine tapped her chin. “I’ll ask Tom what his instincts would be. Halloween was discouraged in China when I was a girl and I didn’t grow up celebrating All Saint’s Day, so I’m afraid that thinking about them doesn’t come naturally to me.” “I can help you come up with ideas,” Marinette piped up. “Marinette, that’s very kind of you, but you’re very busy this week. You have toy commissions to complete and there’s quite a sizeable science test in two days, you should focus on those today. Especially that test, it seems rather big.” Marinette frowned at the reminder. “Right. That test. Need to study chemistry.” She took her homework and went upstairs. Sabine exhaled. “I don’t like turning her down, but you know how easy it is for Marinette to forget to finish her homework.” “You forget who used to babysit her,” Socqueline remarked. “Still, you should at least get a few ideas from her to make her feel like she’s wanted.” “A few what?” Tom, carrying a tray of newly-baked bread, asked as he emerged from the prep room. “I’m lost here.” “I’ll explain later. Socqueline, you may go.” Socqueline nodded and left. “What was that about?” Tom asked. “Socqueline wants to cater her school’s dance but her class has no menu. Marinette wanted to help me, but I turned her down.” She exhaled. “I hope she isn’t mad at me.” Tom patted her shoulders. “We’ll talk to her at dinner. Right now, though, tell me what Socqueline suggested for the menu.” “I don’t think ‘pumpkin spice everything’ is much of a suggestion, Tom.” “Pumpkin spice macarons, then,” he decided. “A few pies as well, and something with sweet potatoes…” Sabine nodded and took out a pad and pencil to write them down.Marinette frowned as she wrote in her notebook. “Don’t be too mad at your mom, Marinette,” Tikki said gently. “She’s doing her best to look out for you.” “I know, Tikki, but some part of me still thinks she thinks my ideas are dumb,” Marinette huffed. “And that I’ll forget to study for Ms. Mendeleiev’s chem test.” “Well, you did space out a bit during the lesson on thermodynamics…” Her champion raised an eyebrow. “I read your mind every time you transform, you got that silly fragrance commercial stuck in my head. Which is probably what distracted you during that class now that I think about it.” Tikki floated over and patted her shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Marinette, you’re not the first neurodivergent champion I’ve chosen. I’m more qualified to help you than any person alive or dead. Let me help you. And talk to your mom about your feelings before they hurt you.” Marinette exhaled. “Thanks, Tikki. I–” The sound of breaking glass from downstairs. “HOLY SHIT!” She raced into her closet and closed the door. “Tikki, scope it out!” “Will do!” Tikki saluted before phasing through the floor.Tom and Sabine trembled at the sight of five men brandishing assault rifles at them. “Put the money in the bag!” the leader declared, holding a big sack in front of himself. “Y-yes!” Sabine said nervously, opening the register and removing several coins. “Boss, look!” said one of the lackeys. “Maybe there’s more money up those stairs!” “Or a kid!” said another. “I bet their daughter must be hot if the woman’s any indication!” Suddenly, Tom was enveloped in purple smog, emerging as a giant werewolf in a princely suit with a thorny vine for a belt. “LEAVE HER ALONE!” he roared, sending the thieves flying through the wall with just his roar alone. “Tom?” Sabine gulped. “It’s Weredad, honey. And this isn’t a safe place anymore.” Part of his belt shot off his waist and dug into the floor, a palisade of unusually gray roses erupting from the street. A dome-shaped barrier of shimmery blue light enveloped the bakery, cutting it off from the rest of the world, a layer of frost forming on the inside. Tom nodded and disappeared into a secret passage that grew from the wall like a heart valve, leaving Sabine thoroughly confused and worried. Above them all, Tikki frowned. “This isn’t good.” She wriggled through the ceiling and phased outside before tapping the dome experimentally. “Hm…given the resonant frequency of this magical barrier, a Kwami could phase through it by themselves but objects and portals can’t, even if the object was made intangible.” She exhaled. “So no getting Kaalki, then. Phooey.”“How am I getting this wrong?” Chloe grimaced at the practice quiz on her laptop. “Did you balance everything?” Zoe asked. Chloe took another look. “Shit, you’re right, forgot the 2.” She typed something and the site showed her new answer as correct. “There are fifteen different kinds of ice that we know of?!” Alix cried while reading her textbook. “That’s too many to remember! I can barely remember the one that you ski on!” Adrien chuckled. “I remember five.” “Shut up, Adrien, don’t rub it in. Can’t believe you’re taking this stuff this seriously.” “Hey, if I don’t stay a model forever I’d be fine with becoming a physicist,” he shrugged. “I like physics, and I think I’d look pretty fetching in a lab coat, don’t you think?” “I dunno, but I think Chloe would~” “Do you mean I would look hot in a lab coat, or I would agree with you in thinking that Adrien would look hot in a lab coat?” Chloe asked. “Do I need to specify?” the tomboy cackled. “What about me?” Zoe asked meekly. “If Chloe looks hot in a lab coat then you automatically do too.” Zoe blushed. “Can we stop talking about lab coats? It’s starting to not sound like a real phrase anymore!” Adrien laughed. Someone knocked on his door. “Yes?” Nathalie entered his bedroom. “Alix, Chloe, Zoe, you need to leave. The Tom & Sabine Bakery & Pastry Shop has been the site of an attempted robbery by armed men.” They paled. “Gabriel thinks it prudent for you to return home as quickly as you can. Adrien, stay here until we know more about the break-in.” “Alright, if you say so Ms. Sancouer,” Alix said nervously. The girls packed their bags. “See you tomorrow, Adrien. I hope Marinette gets out of this okay.” “You too, and I do,” Adrien said uneasily. Nathalie escorted the girls outside. Once they were gone, Adrien decided to look at his phone. “Oh, no! Akuma alert! Wait…it’s near the bakery! The villain might be Marinette!” He looked around the room. “Plagg!” “Yeah?” Plagg asked, phasing out of Adrien’s dresser. “There’s a villain out there, I think it’s at Marinette’s bakery!” “I heard everything, kitten,” Plagg replied. “Let’s go.” “We can’t! Nathalie said I have to stay here! She might check up on me!” Adrien thought for a moment and snapped his fingers. “The twins got Ladybug’s Miraculous from Tikki before, maybe you can do that too!” “Kid, you’re not suggesting they become Chat Noire? Well, Chats Noires. Regardless, there’ll be cameras, and I don’t show up on cameras but they certainly would.” “No, but Alix could wear it and not have anyone recognize her! And she wants to help out more anyway. Please, Plagg?” Plagg exhaled. “You’re lucky I like the Dupain-Chengs’ cheese bread. Alright, I’ll do it. Gimme the ring.” Adrien slid the Black Cat Miraculous off his finger and handed it to the god. “Sheesh, when was the last time I did this?” he grumbled to himself as Adrien opened a window. “No need, I can make my Miraculous intangible too, but thanks for saving me the effort.” Adrien rolled his eyes as Plagg left his room, then quickly slid his window shut in case Nathalie came back.As they waited for the Bourgeois limo to pick them up, Chloe sighed as she pocketed her phone. “I sent Sabrina’s dad to the Dupain-Chengs’. Might not do much, though, the Ladyblog had some more details about it.” “Yeah?” Alix asked. “Like a force field increasingly covered in ice,” Zoe replied. “Right from Majestia 22.” “Damn. The akuma must be possessing one of Marinette’s parents, or even Mari herself. How are the heroes going to get inside?” “Cataclysm.” The girls turned around to see a humanoid black cat holding a ring in its hands and hovering at eye level. “S’up.” “Oh my god you’re so cuuuuuuute!” Zoe cooed, hand flying to her face. “Awwwwww…wait a minute, you’re Plagg!” “Yeah, and I’m not cute, I’m fierce,” Plagg replied with a smirk. “I’m here for Alix, Chat Noire can’t come today because her parents want her to stay inside due to the break-in, and you two are too recognizable to destroy that magical barrier on the news.” “We figured,” Chloe said. “Good.” He turned to face Alix. “Alix Kubdel, I’m Plagg, the Black Cat Kwami of Destruction. My powers are Cataclysm and Purify, I get two because Tikki, the Ladybug Kwami of Creation, and I are the original Kwamis born at the beginning of the universe. To transform you say ‘Claws out’ and to detransform you say ‘Claws in’. My power-up food is cheese, the stinkier the better, and you know all the rest. You in?” “SO in! Chat Noire’s amazing!” Alix nodded, taking the ring from Plagg and slipping it on her left middle finger. “But what about the twins?” “Don’t worry, I have an idea about how they can help. That barrier is probably impregnable to physical attacks and portals given that most magical barriers are like that, but I happen to know a Kwami whose power phases through magical barriers like a hot knife through camembert. Camembert,” he drooled. “Anyway, his name’s Daizzi and he’s a pig, literally. I’ll let Fu do the rest of the talking, your ride’s here.” He phased into Alix’s backpack just before the Bourgeois limo pulled up. “Mr. Driver?” Zoe asked once they were inside. “We’d like a change of plans. Our backs are acting up, we’d like to make a pit-stop at Fu’s Massage Shop.” “Certainly,” said their driver, whose last name really was Driver (his first name was Richard). “What about Ms. Kubdel?” “I’m coming too, I wanna get my feet checked out to make sure my skates aren’t making me cramp,” Alix lied. Driver nodded and started the car.Marinette grimaced as she tried to read her textbook, shivering all the while. “Where did Papa go, exactly?” she asked. “In the walls, but I can’t find his exact location. There must be a pocket reality somewhere,” Tikki frowned as she gave her champion a scarf and gloves from her closet. “It’s times like this I wish I had Stompp’s Determination-vision.” “Yeah…you know, with the frozen castle, what you said about Papa becoming a werewolf, and the roses, I think this is a Beauty and the Beast akuma.” “Is that a fairytale? I don’t think I’ve heard that one. There’s just so many books I’ve read over the years, including ones that don’t exist anymore.” “It’s about a girl, and about a beast. A poor merchant stumbles on an enchanted castle whose owner is a beast. The beast gets mad when the merchant tries to take one of his special roses, so the merchant offers to send one of his daughters to the beast’s castle so he doesn’t have to be imprisoned himself. The youngest daughter takes the offer and lives in the castle for a year, the beast asking to marry her every night only to be turned down. Eventually the girl becomes homesick and the beast lets her go home if she promises to return, but her brothers prevent her from returning until after the beast is dying. She promises to marry him and the next day he’s turned into a prince.” Tikki made a face. “There are so many consent issues with that story.” “Yeah, Mama doesn’t like it because she thinks it rewards treating women as items.” Marinette huffed. “How’s she taking it? I’m too scared of what Papa might do if I leave my room to check.” “Not well,” Tikki sighed, not hearing the door open. “She’s pacing up a storm in her room last I checked, at least she thought to wear a coat. Talk to her, Marinette. Please.” “Yes, Marinette, please talk to me. Especially about that.” They froze and turned around to see that Sabine was standing in Marinette’s bedroom while Tikki was in full view. “...buzz?” Tikki said weakly. Sabine raised an eyebrow and she wilted. “Dangit! Plagg told me that would work!” She massaged her cheeks with her upper hands and exhaled. “Sabine Cheng, I’m Tikki, Ladybug Kwami of Creation. I’m a 13.787 billion-year-old goddess who can grant magical powers to whoever wears my Miraculous, and we need to have a long-overdue talk about your daughter’s extracurriculars.” “Uh…I’m kind of a superhero,” Marinette swallowed before explaining everything.“Daizzi, we have new friends who want to meet you,” Fu said as he took out an anklet. A Kwami resembling a humanoid pink pig with black spots materialized in a flash of rosy light. “Hello there! I’m Daizzi, the Pig Kwami of Jubilation!” he said cheerfully. “My power is Gift, which allows you to read the mind of another person to see what would make them truly happy in that moment! My weapon is a magical hoe which allows you to dig up deeply-hidden thoughts – and crime! To transform you say ‘Rejoice’ and to detransform you say ‘Lament’. My power-up food is cucumbers, especially pickles, but cheese will work too!” He smiled big and wide, showing small tusks in the process. “So whaddya say, girls? Ready to help save your friend?” “We sure are, Daizzi!” Zoe nodded. “Dupain-Cheng may get on my nerves sometimes, but there’s no way I’m letting her freeze!” Chloe said firmly. The twins slipped the anklet around Zoe’s right leg, then shouted “REJOICE!” and transformed. “Guess I should too,” Alix shrugged. “CLAWS OUT!” A burst of shadow and she transformed as well.“Mr. Dupain, come out of there!” Roger said through a megaphone. “It’s safe to come out now, we took the burglars away! Stand down and–” SWAT! “You okay, sir?” an officer asked as the giant gray rose resumed its original position. Roger, a vertical red mark on the middle of his body shaped like a rose stem and a gray stain on his hat left from the petals, trudged back to the car. “This isn’t working, we need superheroes. And don’t laugh.” “Lt. Raincomprix? I’m here.” Roger blinked. “Well, that’s good, I– Chat Noire? You look…different.” “I’m Black Manx, Lieutenant. I’m a temp, Chat Noire’s stuck at home so she asked me to fill in.” Alix’s Black Cat costume was quite different from Adrien’s: the padding on her arms and stomach were considerably thinner to lighten her weight, there were green stripes along her humeri and thighs, there was no bell on her collar, her eyes were yellow and her bobbed hair was flaming red, and Adrien’s long belt of a tail was replaced by a short puffball on Alix’s tailbone. Unlike Remy, Alix was the same height as her untransformed self. “I suppose it was only a matter of time before the heroes started hiring sidekicks,” Roger remarked. Black Manx’s eye twitched but she held her tongue. “What’s the plan?” “I’ll use my claws to do some gardening, then I’ll Cataclysm the force field.” Black Manx extended the claws in her hands, then squinted and popped out the ones in her feet too. “ME-YOW, BITCH!” she screamed as she jumped onto the roses and started slashing at them with her claws while they tried to fight back. “Get under her in case she falls!” Roger ordered the other officers, who promptly did so.“Are the cops busy?” Zoe asked from behind a dumpster. “Very,” Chloe nodded. Their costume was pale pink and puffy, large black spots covering their skirt, limbs, and chest, the toeboxes of their sneakers sharp and split like cloven hooves. Their hair had turned black, Chloe’s in double buns and Zoe’s in a ponytail, with their bangs held back by dark pink pig-ear headbands. Domino masks split pale with black spots on the bottom & black with pale pink spots on the top covered their now-hazel eyes, and curly black tails sprouted from each tailbone. “Now how do I work this stupid hoe again?” she asked as she removed the miniature pink garden hoe strapped to her waist. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous choice for a weapon.” “Well, how do you use a regular one?” “Do I look like a farmer to you?” The end of the hoe’s handle popped open. “What the–” “Select a target, swing it up, say ‘Gift’, and then swing it down like you mean it!” Daizzi’s voice came through their weapon before it went dormant. “Uhhhhh…okay, that’s a thing I guess!” Zoe said, eyes wide. Chloe wordlessly grabbed the hoe with her left hand as its unusual construction made it the best at vertical swinging of their three limbs. “Okay, let’s do it. Let’s target Marinette’s dad since he’s the villain, that’ll tell us how we can stop him.” Positioning themselves to get a clear shot of the house, the twins whispered “Gift!” while Chloe swung the hoe downwards. As it swung the hoe suddenly extended until it was eight feet in length, its blade glowing pinkish-white, and when it reached the ground a crescent of pinkish-white light broke off and flew through the air, past the roses, and into the walls of the bakery. Then a truffle-shaped construct emerged in front of the twins; not knowing what else to do, they broke it in half, causing a rosy hologram to form: An older Marinette stood proudly at the front of the bakery. “Marinette, I am so proud of you!” a gray-haired Tom wept openly. “Thanks to your improvements to the building’s security we’ve never had a single break-in or even a shoplifter in ten years!”
“Thanks, Papa,” Marinette laughed. “I may be the biggest fashion designer in France now, but I never forgot the wonderful times we spent in this bakery. I’m glad you were able to protect me for long enough for me to protect you back.”
Tom sniffled. “You’re the best daughter in the world, and since Hawk Moth isn’t making people into villains anymore I can finally relax, smell the roses…and ask you how your many lovely wives and husbands are doing.”
“PAPA!” Marinette blushed.
“Tell Ladybug to get her polka-dotted ass in there NOW!” Chloe barked once the vision ended. “Oh, wait, the hoe’s in my hand.” She willed the phone out and sent a message:
Miraculous Heroes
Pig User R
Ladybug, we know what Mr. Dupain wants! It’s to protect his daughter! Use that against him!
Ladybug
His wife has an idea for a Lucky Charm, we’re gonna see if it works.
Also, Pig?
Oh. OH.
We’ll discuss this later.
Tangled in the roses, Black Manx managed to extend her right arm out until her index and middle fingers were able to touch the barrier. “Just need a little…CATACLYSM!” The barrier turned black and exploded in a cold wind, frost filling the street and killing the roses. Alix fell out of the dead flowers with a yelp and was caught by two police officers. “Thanks. Now let’s get in there! Where’s Ladybug?” “Up here!” Ladybug called, touching down on the roof of the bakery. “Thanks for popping that barrier, Black Manx, you know us ladybugs don’t like the cold. Where’s Mr. Dupain?” “GET OUT!” Tom roared as he emerged from the front door and stomped onto the street. “YOU DARE THREATEN MY DAUGHTER?!” “Lucky Charm!” Tom’s eyes widened in confusion as a red rose with black spots fell into his hands. “Tom.” Tom turned around to see Sabine. “Is this what Marinette would’ve wanted?” He faltered. “I…I only want to protect her.” “And is what you’ve done here helping?” Tom looked around, seeing the ice, the ruined pavement…the girl his daughter’s age wiping the lingering cold out of her face. “No. She wouldn’t want this. Hawk Moth?” A purple visor appeared over his face. “Yes?”
“Revoke my power. It doesn’t help. My daughter can be protected in other ways.”
“Of course.”
“...who was this akuma for?”
“There was a girl in this building who was worried about a friend. She’d evidently left by the time the akuma arrived.” “Good. Because if you ever send an akuma after my daughter on purpose I will end you myself. I know you have tried it before, Hawk Moth. Don’t test my patience.” “...how about I revoke that akuma now?” Tom suddenly detransformed as the slimy moth left his belt, and Alix (after fumbling with the switch on her staff) purified it. “Tom, the rose,” Sabine said gently as Ladybug landed in front of him. He nodded and gave her the rose, which the heroine gently threw into the air to dispense the Cure. The road was fixed, as was the bakery, Roger healed, and the frost melted away. “Come inside, Ladybug,” Sabine said. “We’d like to speak with you. Away from the police.” “We understand,” Roger nodded. “Alright gang, pack it up! Little cat, you’re free to go.” “Solid,” Black Manx said. “See you on the flipside, LB.” “Thanks,” Ladybug said. Black Manx – Alix, she realized – gave her a peace sign and scampered off. She noticed a distant flash of pale pink from behind a dumpster, where Chloe and Zoe gingerly tiptoed out and slunk away as stealthily as conjoined twins with three legs could, a chipper little piglet-looking thing phasing into Zoe’s purse. It was sheer luck (no doubt Tikki’s doing) that no one saw them. Speaking of Tikki…Ladybug sighed, not wanting to face the music. She let Sabine and Tom lead her inside, closed the door, led them to the second floor, then said “Tikki, Spots off.” Silence. Then a loud, masculine “GROUNDED!” Wang Fu had faced many horrifying things in his 186 years of life. The tuberculosis epidemic that killed his parents and forever stunted his growth. The abusive teachers at the Miracle Guardian Monastery. The death of his beloved wife at the hands of a jealous prince. The many wicked sorcerers he’d faced throughout the late 19th century. The invasion of the British in 1904 in their quest to conquer the world & genocide all magic users, cleverly disguised as defending their territory against Russia. Learning a new language in a land hostile to Asian men. The horrific things that the Nazis did to his friends. The bombing of Japan with nuclear weapons. The magical bomb that was being developed before he finally had enough, unified Plagg and Kaalki, Cataclysmed the plans, and made the drafters look like moronic conspiracy theorists. But the expressions that Sabine and Tom were wearing as they stared him down right now were twice as scary as at least a few of the men on that list. Fu knew better than to show it, though. “So,” Tom said sternly, “why didn’t you think to ask us first? She’s a child!” Fu sighed. “I apologize, Mr. Dupain, but it wasn’t my decision. It was Tikki’s, and I know what can happen when the will of a god is defied. Besides, she is needed, we can’t let Hawk Moth use his Wish.” “Why not tell us, though?! We could’ve helped her! Talked to her after battles! Helped her process the horrible things she sees!” Tom started shaking. “A-all we wanted was to know why she didn’t think she could trust us…” “Were we that bad of parents?” Sabine sniffled. “No!” Marinette cried. “I-I just didn’t want you to worry…a-and whenever you saw Ladybug on the TV I didn’t want you to think it was me, your stupid daughter who can only fuck things over and never has any good ideas…” “Did you have any ideas for Socqueline’s dance?” Sabine asked softly. “Well, Halloween’s not as popular as All Saint’s Day, but ghost-shaped meringues and special chocolates shouldn’t be that controversial to those who don’t like how Americans treat Halloween–” Marinette froze. “See? How stupid can you be if you come up with great ideas like that?” Marinette’s lower lip quivered and she wrapped her mother in a tight hug while crying. Tom saw Tikki look guilty at the scene. “C’mere, little goddess,” he said, producing an almond cookie from his apron pocket. “We got off on the wrong foot, I think. You want to help her grow as much as we do, don’t you?” “Kwamis always choose those who need our specific mindsets to reach their full potentials,” Tikki replied as she took the cookie gratefully. “I chose her because she’s creative and kind but needs focus and confidence in herself.” “Well, please consult with us in the future. That goes double for your human friend. I want more standardization for her training sessions both in content and time, time management is something she needs particular help with. And no more secrets except for those that protect our lives from Hawk Moth.” “I have no objections to those terms,” Fu said, inwardly relieved. “I apologize, Mr. Dupain and Ms. Cheng, I haven’t been a father for a very long time. I appear to have forgotten how much parents can worry about their children’s safety. But rest assured, I will do all that I can to keep her safe.” “Thank you,” Sabine said gratefully. “She’s still not permitted to play videogames until All Saint’s Day, though.” “You know what? That’s fair, I have a test tomorrow,” Marinette acquiesced. “It’ll probably help me focus more, I can only remember like two phases of ice.”
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“Hawk Moth hasn’t done anything in a while,” Alya noted as she scrolled through her blog feed. “I don’t recall him taking a break this long before.” “Maybe it’s because All Saint’s Day is coming up?” Mylene suggested. “You said that a close friend of his was after the Miraculous to break a curse, maybe he’s in mourning.” “I don’t think it’s that, Mylene,” Marinette said. “He akumatized my dad last week, remember? And my dad got really mad at him, he practically threatened to tear his wings off if he tried akumatizing me for real.” “I heard. Glad they got the guys who tried to rob you, at least. So who do you think that new sidekick ‘Black Manx’ is?” Alix did her best not to scream. “I dunno, girl, and I’m not going to find out,” Alya said. “Me, I’m just waiting on the results of Nino’s film, it got nominated for an award. I know we’re gonna show it to the school tomorrow anyway, but it’d be so much more special if we knew it won.” Mylene nodded. “Yeah, that’d be cool. Speaking of tomorrow, where are Sabrina and Max? Shouldn’t they be done negotiating things with Damocles by now?” “Maybe they’re taking longer for some reason. You know how he can be.”“How are we over budget?” Sabrina gulped upon seeing the paper in front of her. “What was the last thing we did that would’ve taken this much money to run?” Max looked it over and frowned. “I’m not sure. Our class’ only field trip was to the Grand Paris Hotel, and it was my impression that Mayor Bourgeois provided for half of the expenditure personally. It seems that this green section right here, ‘other expenses’, is what is putting us over budget, but it isn’t explained in any way. Mr. Damocles?” Mr. Damocles took a look at it and squinted. “I don’t know what it is either, Mr. Kante. I just distribute the reports, I don’t make them.” “That seems like an oversight. No offense.” Damocles frowned. “I’ll ask around, we’ll want to know what it is so we can address it. Thank you for your time.” “But what about tomorrow?” Sabrina asked. “We’ve been planning that assembly for a week and a half!” “Don’t worry, Ms. Raincomprix. It’s still going to happen. Have a good break.” She exhaled. “Thanks.”“So, what do you think we should wear for tomorrow?” Chloe asked as the twins and Sabrina waited for their rides home. “Dunno…maybe something inspired by Romero?” Zoe pondered. “Shouldn’t more of your focus be on All Saint’s?” Sabrina asked. “Halloween’s more American and English, not French, and I know your dad’s gonna do a big thing for it.” “Sabrina, you know why we like Halloween more, Halloween’s the one day of the year when we’re not the only freaks in the city. It’s one of the only days when we can ignore the stares. And we don’t really celebrate All Saint’s anyway since we’re not religious.” “We’ll stick chrysanthemums on a thing for a dead person, but that’s about it,” Chloe explained. “Or nearly-dead as the case may be.” “Nearly– oh. Adrien’s mom,” Sabrina realized. The blonde nodded, trying not to cry. “I just wish I knew what happened to her. She was totally fine and then last year she suddenly got so sick she fell into a coma. We don’t even know where they’re keeping her. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” The twins’ limo pulled up. “See you tomorrow, Sabrina,” Zoe said while trying to console her sister. “Save us a double-seat in the auditorium.” “Already reserved,” Sabrina replied. She watched them get in and go and exhaled. “Now where’s Dad?” Her phone suddenly rang. “Who is it?” “Ms. Raincomprix,” Mr. Damocles said. “I found the answer to your question. My secretary told me what it was that caused your class to exceed their budget.” “What is it?” “It’s the akuma therapy.” She jolted. “The salary for the therapist we’ve had ever since Mr. Harprele and Mr. D’Argencourt got akumatized has eaten into the class’ budgets, as has the hiring of new security guards. She told me that the board declared that for our school to have sufficient money for your class, and for the other classes, we’ll have to axe the program entirely. Along with the assembly tomorrow as a cost-saving measure.” “But–” “I’m sorry, Ms. Raincomprix. I wish I knew of a way to help, but Mayor Bourgeois has been criticized for giving money to his daughters’ school in recent months, so I don’t think he can make a donation to help us out this time.” He hung up. Sabrina shook. “I-I can’t do that! I made a promise to my friends that we’d have it! I made a promise to my girls that they’d get their big film debut! I can’t break that! What do I do? There’s gotta be some kind of fundraiser, or–” An akuma entered her phone and covered her in purple smog. She emerged wearing a glossy black jumpsuit with no sleeves and short legs, her hair and scleras tulip purple and her skin paper white. “Or maybe those pesky heroes can help me,” she purred.Chloe and Zoe had just left their limousine when their phones buzzed. “I got it,” Zoe said, pulling hers out and looking at the alerts. “Ladyblog update, Sabrina just got akumatized. Oh, no! Sabrina! We have to help her!” “Can I at least set my stuff down on our bed first?” Chloe asked. “And tell Alya to talk to her, suss out her motive and keep her busy.” “On it.”“Sabrina!” Alya walked over to where Sabrina was standing. “What happened? Oh my god, you’re wearing shorts, I’ve never seen you wear shorts!” “Hello, Alya,” Sabrina said with a menacing smirk. “Sabrina’s not here right now. I’m Miraculer, the multipowered villain. Well, I will be multipowered eventually,” she amended with a pout. “O…kay…uh, listen, what brought this on?” “Don’t you know? Sabrina doesn’t like breaking promises. If there’s one thing she’s at fault for, it’s being too loyal. So when others don’t offer her that same loyalty…she breaks. Shattered like a teacup dropped on the floor.” “Was it your dad again?” “No, no, Sabrina understands why his promises break. His job demands it of him. But there are others out there who don’t keep their promises. Like Mr. Damocles, for instance; did you know he’s been told to get rid of the akuma therapy program?” Alya gasped. “He wouldn’t!” “He would. He’s been told by the school board that Sabrina’s class can’t afford anything anymore because paying the new therapist made them go over budget. But I personally think he could stand to manage his money better.” “So what are you going to do?” “I’m going to get Damocles, then the school board, and then the people on city council who told the mayor he can’t give any more donations to Sabrina’s school. But before I manage that…there’s a hero I need to catch,” she grinned as Chat Noire came into view. “Sabrina! We can talk about this! I have rich friends, let me organize a charity for you!” Chat begged. “Sorry, Chat, but that’s a stop-gap measure. I need something more permanent, and a way to make them listen.” Sabrina removed a black tonfa with a fuchsia tip from her belt and threw it at Chat, who ducked. “Missed me!” Chat taunted. Then the tonfa’s path curved backwards and it hit her on the back of her head like a boomerang. “OUCH! Rude!” The tonfa returned to Sabrina’s gloved hand. Black pawprints spread up her bare arms and onto her cheeks like buboes; grinning, she took out her phone and pressed a black icon. Black energy emerged from it and touched the ground on a mental command, spreading outwards & turning the sidewalk beneath Chat’s feet into silt. Chat fell on her rear due to the resulting loss of balance. “Look at that, you’re playing in kitty litter,” Sabrina giggled. “That was Cataclysm!” Chat cried. She tried her own, but it fizzled out in half a second. “And I don’t have it anymore! Can she do that?” “Of course she can!” Hawk Moth gloated through a purple visor over Sabrina’s eyes. “My Kwami is the Kwami of Transmission! If it can be transmitted, my Kwami has domain over it, and Miraculer can transmit Kwami magic directly into her body via her tonfa! It’s the greatest kind of transmission that I can grant!” “Speaking of which,” Sabrina said as she tapped the visor with her tonfa. Purple moth shapes joined the pawprints on her arms and fluttered onto her jumpsuit while the visor fizzled out. “There. Now he won’t be meddling. After all, he’s already renounced two akumas he chose poorly, I don’t want him to spoil my mission early.” “Oh, shit,” Alya gulped. “A villain who’s actually clever.” “Too bad I’m cleverer!” Ladybug touched down. “Sorry I’m late, my parents found out who I am and I’m still kinda grounded for the moment unless it’s hero work.” “I’m glad they took it well, milady,” Chat said, relieved. “Well, as well enough as a parent would. But listen, Sabrina can steal powers! She took Cataclysm, and I think she just took Akumatize from Hawk Moth! Don’t get hit by her tonfa!” “Then I’ll give her too many things to hit! HIYAH!” Ladybug slung all four yo-yos at once, missing Sabrina with every swing but forcing her to walk backwards while smacking the yo-yos away with her tonfa. Sensing an opening, Chat withdrew her staff and swung it at Sabrina’s back… Only for Alya as Lady Wifi to suddenly block it with a pause symbol. “Did you really think I wouldn’t send out my own brand of akuma while you weren’t looking?” Sabrina asked flatly. “Now, I’d like to just akumatize you to get you out of the way, but I don’t need to take your minds just yet. Just your powers.” Sabrina threw her tonfa at Ladybug and it hit her left wing, making her fall to her knees & onto the ground and cry in pain. Red ladybug shapes joined the moths on Sabrina’s jumpsuit, and she grinned at the moped she summoned with Lucky Charm. “Good, I needed a ride. Lady Wifi, use a lock symbol to lock them in place, I’ll free you afterwards.” “Yes, Miraculer,” Alya bowed, flinging a lock symbol at both heroines to prevent them from moving or being moved. Sabrina freed her, absorbed the akuma into her phone, and rode off on her moped. “Did I do that?” the liberated Alya winced. “A little, yeah,” Chat said. “How’s your wing, milady?” Ladybug frowned at the crumpled state of her wing. “Broken. It’ll be fixed the next time I transform, if I have a next time. Sabrina’s smart, I can’t run as fast as I can fly. I think this might be a new record for the worst akumatization.” “That remains to be seen unless she goes after Mr. Ramier.” “Girls! What happened?!” Zoe cried when the twins arrived. “Why are you locked? Why’s the sidewalk dusted?” “And why did I just see a ladybug-patterned moped if Ladybug’s…here…” Chloe’s eyes widened. “Sabrina can copy powers, can’t she?” “No, but she can steal them just fine,” Ladybug corrected. “I have two, but without Lucky Charm I can’t make the Ladybug Cure.” “I can use Purify without Cataclysm, but I have to use both in a battle against a magic user,” Chat said. “My master said it’s about maintaining the balance between Creation and Destruction: Ladybug can perform two acts of creation, so I have to perform two acts of destruction to balance her out.” “You have a master? Could Hawk Moth have been a former student of his?” Alya asked. “No, our master hasn’t seen the Hawk Moth Miraculous in a long time. Did you at least get a picture of Sabrina?” “I was recording her during the interview, covertly of course. She’s not the only clever girl with glasses in our class.” Alya showed them the video on her phone. “Wow, I haven’t seen Sabrina in shorts since first grade,” Chloe whistled. “She looks nice, although I wouldn’t have made her hair that shade of purple. Periwinkle, perhaps.” “Chloe, you know why she can’t wear shorts or short sleeves, her skin is stupid sensitive. She sunburns really easily and she’s super ticklish too.” Zoe suddenly snapped her fingers. “That’s it! Her skin’s exposed in her costume, if we make her itchy she won’t be able to focus! Anyone got a jar for that sidewalk dust?” “No, but I’m sure Ms. Mendeleiev wouldn’t mind if we asked to borrow some beakers, after what Nathaniel did to her I think she’ll make an exception for superheroes,” Ladybug surmised. “Good instincts, girls, but we need to find out where she’s going. And a way to get out of these locks.” “Maybe she’s not going to Damocles’ place first,” Alya suggested. “Maybe she’s going after another akuma victim for some muscle. If she turned me back into Lady Wifi, then she can turn other people too. As for the locks, I know how to pick ‘em.” “Really?” “Etta accidentally locked herself in her room once, I taught myself how to pick locks to get her out. Saved us a call to the fire department. Should work on magic internet locks too, right?” The heroes exchanged an odd look.Nino exited a convenience store and was nearly bowled over by something. “Hey! Watch where you’re– Sabrina? Are you trying a new look?” He looked at his watch and raised an eyebrow. “How did you change so fast?” Sabrina simply took out her phone, selected the purple icon, and sent a ghostly lavender akuma into Nino’s hat. He transformed into Bubbler. “Bubbler, I am Miraculer. I need you to stall those pesky heroes while I make my way to Mr. Damocles’ house.” “Done and done. You want me to send ‘em into space with my purple bubbles?” “Actually, I was thinking something different. You can make other colors of bubbles too, you know. Try making some nice green ones.” Nino raised an eyebrow but obeyed, thinking about green while blowing some bubbles. They came out green instead of purple and stacked together into a ten-foot wall. When he pushed against them he found that they were extremely tough. “No way!” “Way,” Sabrina grinned. “Now make a big red one.” Nino did so, the resulting bubble the color of blood. “Now when the heroes come by, chuck that over the wall and duck! Toodle-oo!” She got back onto her moped and sped off. “There’s Nino! She got him too!” Ladybug, swinging in using her yo-yos like makeshift grapples, the twins in her lower pair of arms, said as she landed. “I got those bubbles!” Chat said as she vaulted in, extending her claws as her trajectory took her into the wall. To her surprise her claws bounced off the bubbles with enough force to smack her in the nose. “No I don’t…kitty needs a tissue, her nose is bleeding.” Chloe was midway through removing a tissue from her purse when she saw Nino kick the red bubble over the wall. When it landed it exploded in a loud BANG!, sending red soap everywhere. “MY EYES!” she screamed as she used the tissue to instead tend to her irritated corneas, Zoe rubbing her own eyes furiously with her hand. “That was AWESOME!” Nino cheered. Ladybug growled and marched over, making to push up her sleeves (not that the spandex would let her). “No one hurts my girls!” she hollered as she wound up her arms. “Ha! You can’t pop those bubbles!” Nino taunted. Ladybug punched the wall with enough force that a bubble was dislodged and sent flying out, bowling him over. “Ow.” “I can hit them just fine,” Ladybug sneered as she walked around the wall and picked him up by his collar. “Now where the hell did Sabrina go?!” “To Mr. Damocles’ house! I have no idea where that is, though.” “But Sabrina does!” Ladybug gasped as she dropped Nino (“Ow.”). “Girls, do you?” “No duh!” Chloe said snappishly as she rummaged in her purse for her eyedrops. “We were the class representative & deputy last year, of course we know where he lives! Have to know where our calls are going!” She found the eyedrops and used them, then handed the bottle to Zoe. “Sweet Jesus that feels better. Chat, you good?” “Still waiting on that tissue,” Chat replied. Chloe gave her one. “Thanks.” She cleaned her nose. “Is the you-know-what still safe?” “Still in one piece,” Zoe said after looking inside her messenger bag. “Then let’s keep moving. We can’t let Sabrina akumatize someone else. And can someone do something about Nino?” “I’ve got an idea,” Ladybug smirked menacingly.“Decisions, decisions,” Sabrina said at the stoop of Mr. Damocles’ house while checking her phone. “Do I use Cataclysm to break down the door, Lucky Charm to make a crowbar and pry them open, or do I design my own akuma and akumatize him myself? Well, probably not the last one, I’m not sensing any emotions strong enough for that.” She sighed, and then turned around to see a red bubble floating her way. “Oh? Did Nino get me a gift to– wait why is there sand inside of it–” The bubble exploded, covering her in soapy sand. “GYAH!” she shrieked as she immediately started scratching her arms and neck. “WHY DOES THIS OUTFIT HAVE NO SLEEVES?!” “Ms. Raincomprix?!” Damocles stuck his head out of a window. “What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like you came out of a punk concert?” Sabrina paled. “Gotta get him NOW!” She went for her phone, but every movement caused grit to move around her skin uncomfortably, forcing her to pause every few seconds to scratch the offending itch. She wound up getting so distracted that she didn’t notice the twins hobbling her way until Chloe wrapped her in a hug from behind, the blonde making sure that the former redhead’s arms couldn’t move. With Sabrina unable to use her phone, she couldn’t access her powers, allowing Zoe to easily remove the phone from Sabrina’s belt. “Did you get her?” Ladybug asked as she and Chat raced over. “We got her! Now get your powers out of the phone! Hurry!” Zoe said as Sabrina struggled against Chloe’s grip. Ladybug took the phone and touched the red icon, which she pulled out of the screen like taffy. The ladybugs on Sabrina disappeared. “LUCKY CHARM!” Ladybug got a hammer. “This’ll come in handy. Chat, get Cataclysm!” Chat took the phone and removed the black icon, causing Sabrina’s pawprints to disappear next. “I suppose we should give Hawk Moth his power back too, if only for his Kwami’s sake,” Chat sighed as she pulled out the purple icon, which removed the moths from Sabrina and somewhere in the distance deakumatized a bubble-bound Nino. She returned the phone and used Cataclysm on her bloodied tissue. Ladybug took the phone back and smashed the screen with her hammer, freeing the akuma which Chat quickly purified. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure undid all of the damage to the sidewalk, destroyed the moped, and popped all of Nino’s bubbles & set him back on the ground. “Are you alright, Sabrina?” Sabrina blinked as she registered being in Chloe’s embrace still. “Chloe? What brought this on?” she asked with a light blush dusting her cheeks. “You got akumatized,” Chloe murmured. “You nearly kidnapped the principal.” Sabrina saw where they were and gulped. “Oh. That would’ve gotten me the wrong kind of visit from my dad. Sorry Mr. Damocles, I-I just didn’t want to let my friends down.” “Actually, Ms. Raincomprix, your timing couldn’t be better,” Damocles said as he left the window and exited his house to address them. “I sent an email to your class’ parents to tell them about the proposed removal of the akuma therapy program, and within minutes Gabriel Agreste sent me a 150,000 Euro check. He said that since he was a private citizen it wouldn’t qualify as a conflict of interest like Mayor Bourgeois’ donations might. So tomorrow’s assembly is back on!” “I can’t believe Gabriel Agreste did that!” Chat said, flabbergasted for some reason. “He has a son, Chat Noire. I’m guessing he wants the program to keep running in case Adrien gets akumatized, or at the very least help his friends deal with their troubles.” Chat smiled gratefully. “That sounds nice. You alright, Sabrina?” “This is the BEST news!” Sabrina sighed, relieved. “Yeah, thanks a bunch Adrien’s dad!” Zoe agreed. “But now we have to wear something especially nice for tomorrow…” “Why don’t we come to school dressed as our characters?” Sabrina suggested. “Oh, and Chloe? You can let go of me now, I’m good.” Chloe let go. “I’m glad you’re okay, Sabs. Now let’s go home and forget today ever happened,” she said, blushing a bit herself. Sabrina giggled. “Let’s.”“‘Hello, Ruby! I’m Pollip, the Precious Coral Miniety of Water!’ said the little creature, a translucent white humanoid with eight tentacles for arms and four stubby legs that wore a pinkish-red shell like a dress,’” Aurore said at the reading for Marc’s script. “‘A god?! I’m not worthy!’” Mireille said. The students of Francoise Dupont weren’t the only ones watching the reading. “That Marc kid’s a riot,” Plagg snickered from the rafters. “It’s so obvious that Anderson is based on Adrien, he’s even got a Latin tutor like Adrien has a Chinese tutor!” “Is Adrien okay with that?” Tikki asked. “Yeah, kitten and co. helped Marc develop some of the characters. Ruby’s Marinette, only autistic instead of ADHD. Lauren’s Alya, only nonbinary and a total jock. Sally’s Chloe, only she has no Zoe counterpart and is consequently a lot bitchier.”
“Plagg!”
“Just because you don’t swear doesn’t mean I can’t, sugarcube. Besides, Chloe was fine with it since Zoe wanted to inspire Pollip instead. Miniety as ‘mini-diety’, classic.” Plagg suddenly tilted his head. “Do we have a precious coral Kwami? I know it’s an animal, so you’d think there would be one…” “Plagg, we hardly ever met other Kwamis outside of the ones assigned to the Tortoiseshell box, remember? Our particular group only used the nineteen of us, and I only knew Liiri and Mei Shi in passing.” “It sucks that they wouldn’t let us socialize more, even back when our Miraculous were first made,” he frowned. Tikki nodded and they fell silent once again. After the reading was over and Ms. Mendeleiev’s class left the stage, Nino, dressed as a reporter, took their place. “Hey dudes and dudettes and duderinos!” he greeted the audience. “Nino Lahiffe here. At the start of the month I learned that a script for a short film I submitted to the Parisian Student Short Film Festival had been accepted, and the people running it wanted to see the finished film by today. So I asked my awesome classmates if they wanted to help me bring it to life, and they said yes! Couldn’t have asked for better pals. “But wait, it gets better!” Everyone looked at each other in confusion. “It got nominated for the award Best Student Horror Film From A Middle School…and won!” The audience suddenly erupted into applause. Plagg gave Tikki a wry look. “You used your luck powers, didn’t you?” “I’m not like you, Plagg,” Tikki replied loftily. “But I did give the upload on the site a like, that might’ve helped push it towards nomination.” “Yeah, that sounds about right. I gave it a like too, it’s not the best horror film I’ve ever seen, but it’s got good heart.” “You don’t like horror films because you have incredibly high standards that almost no humans can meet.” “I’m essentially a death god, Tikki, you know it takes a lot more than creepy monsters to scare me!” Plagg exhaled and looked at the audience again. “Look at the twins, Tiks. I’ve never seen them happier. Especially Zoe.” Tikki smiled at the happy tears that Zoe was trying to wipe away one-handed. “Yeah…the kids are alright. Now hush up, I think the film’s starting!” The room went dark as a black-and-white title card emerged on the projector screen. FACING YOUR FEARSA short film by Nino Lahiffe of College Francoise Dupont Cast & Crew
Nino Lahiffe
Director, Writer, Harry Everett
Chloe Bourgeois
Executive producer, Financier, Elody Tennyson
Zoe Bourgeois
Producer, Lead editor, Jessica Tennyson
Nathaniel Kurtzeburg
Editor, 2D graphics, Officer Louie Barnes
Alya Cesaire
Sound technician, Molly Stevenson
Marinette Dupain-Cheng
Lead costume designer, Ms. Ida Smith
Rose Lavillant
Costume designer, Mayor Lena Gomert
Juleka Couffaine
Soundtrack, The Monster Expert
Mylene Harprele
Agent Kaitlin Smith
Adrien Agreste
Officer Mallory Jones
Max Kante
Chief of Police Vernon Stockman
Le Chien Kim
Mr. Paul Smith
Ivan Bruel
The Monster
Alix Kubdel
Detective Gabriella Armstrong
Sabrina Raincomprix
Officer Nancy Oswald
The film itself opened on an interior shot of Francois Dupont. Nathaniel, dressed as a police officer, stalked the darkened halls while waving a flashlight around. “If this is another prank I’m resigning,” he grumbled. Talking out a cellphone meant to portray a walkie-talkie, he said “Officer Jones, this is Officer Barnes. No sign of the supposed break-in, suspecting it might be a prank. Over.” “Keep going, Louie, someone heard something last night. And no one’s seen Ms. Stevenson’s husband in a week, I think there might be foul play involved. Over,” Adrien’s voice came over the phone. Nathaniel’s character frowned but kept walking. Then his light swung over something red. “Is that blood?” he muttered. “Mallory, I think your little theory has some merit, I believe Mr. Stevenson may have indeed been killed by his wife. I’m going to look further and–” He suddenly screamed as something dark (Ivan wearing a black bedsheet) picked him up and hauled him away. Chewing noises were soon heard from offscreen. “Officer Barnes? Come in, Officer Barnes! SPEAK TO ME LOUIE!” cried Adrien’s character from the phone lying on the floor as the screen cut to black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Francoise Dupont had the first week of November after All Saint’s Day off. On the day itself, the Bourgeois family joined Adrien at the Agreste mansion, laying purple chrysanthemums beneath a framed picture of Emilie Agreste in the dining room. “I miss you, Mom,” Adrien sniffled. “We all do. Hope you wake up someday.” He looked up and saw Gabriel and Nathalie enter the room. “Oh, hey Father. Nathalie.” “Hello, son, Andre, girls.” Gabriel set his own bouquet of chrysanthemums, his yellow, below the picture, with Nathalie setting a bouquet of white ones alongside them. “Oh, Adrien, I wanted to tell you something. Your aunt Amelie and cousin Felix are visiting us later this week, I expect you to make them feel welcome.” “Felix?” Chloe scrunched up her nose. “Chloe, be nice,” Andre gently scolded. “She’s got a reason, Daddy. Felix always gave Chloe the stinkeye whenever he showed up,” Zoe explained. “I don’t know why, either, he was always perfectly civil to me.” “Don’t worry about it, I’ll make sure he minds his manners if we run into you while he’s here,” Adrien reassured her. “How are you, Mr. Mayor?” “I have to thank your father for getting me out of that pickle with the school,” Andre said graciously. “Perhaps I should’ve been a bit more careful with using my salary for donating to Francoise Dupont, it nearly cost me my reelection after all.” “Andre, you did a good thing by donating for renovations so your daughters could have a more pleasant time there,” Gabriel replied. “And other students have benefited from the presence of handicapped bathrooms too, which you no doubt considered.” “I know, and they have, it’s just that some people are still so stuck in their ways,” Andre sighed. “Thanks again, Gabriel.” “Would we be us if I didn’t bail you out every now and then?” Gabriel chuckled, earning a laugh from Andre and a rare smile from Nathalie.Days passed, yet Hawk Moth didn’t act at all. “Is something wrong, princess?” Tom asked that Saturday. “Hawk Moth hasn’t done anything this week,” Marinette replied while staring out the first-floor window uneasily. “Is he planning something big?” “I don’t know. He has a family, maybe he’s doing what you’re doing and taking the week off. Why don’t you help me make brioche in the prep room? Baking always makes you forget your worries.” Marinette nodded. “Good idea, it’s been a while since I’ve made brioche.” She was about to stand when she heard a motorcycle roll to a stop in front of the bakery. “Huh?” The front door swung open. “Marinette!” exclaimed a gray-haired woman. Marinette’s jaw dropped. “Grandma! What are you doing here?” “What, I cannot visit my only granddaughter during her school break?” Gina Dupain scoffed. “For shame, Marinette. For shame.” “Mom!” Tom exclaimed. “It’s so good to see you! How was Estonia?” “I don’t understand how people can thrive in a land so cold. And yet the people there were some of the happiest souls I’ve ever met.” She hugged her son. “I’ve brought many recipes from there too, I was wondering if we could make them together.” “That would be wonderful, Mom,” Tom smiled. “What kinds of recipes?” “The Estonian classics – rhubarb pie, Estonian semla, thin waffles rolled up and baked to a crisp, oh, and many others. Your father can explain more.” A burly man with very little white hair staggered into the bakery. “Gina, that sidecar is going to be the death of me!” he wheezed. “Pish-posh, Rolland. You lived. And I went under the speed limit this time.” Rolland sighed as he caught his breath. “Tom, my boy, I hope we weren’t imposing on you and your family.” “Not at all, Dad,” Tom said as he hugged his father. “Marinette and I wanted to spend the day baking away her troubles, if you’re here then you can help.” “Is that dreadful bug-man scaring you, Marinette?” Rolland asked. Marinette shrugged. “Well, we can’t have that. How would you like to know the right way to boil rhubarb so it doesn’t destroy your kidneys?” “I would be honored, Grandpa. Mama, Grandma and Grandpa are here, we’re going to be baking stuff for a while!” Marinette called upstairs. “Do you want in?” “Of course I do! I’ll be down soon!” Sabine called back.“Y’know, you’re doing alright for someone smaller than the controller,” Adrien remarked as he and Plagg played Mecha Strike 3 (the non-ultimate version). “Gods don’t believe in such silly human things as size,” Plagg said, his arms comically elongated so he could work the controls. Adrien’s Maxiclass punted Plagg’s avatar, a yellow sports car-like robot, off the platform. “But we do believe in losing. Good game, Adrien, this stuff will help with your reflexes.” Adrien laughed as he turned off the TV and stretched, then poked at his stomach. “Man, I’m starving. You want lunch?” “Always, kid. Make mine camembert.” “We’ve got plenty, ooh, and also there’s that block of maroilles I’ve been itching to try in a grilled cheese, we can–” He suddenly heard footsteps. “Plagg, hide!” Plagg phased into Adrien’s dresser and Adrien stood to attention as Gabriel opened the door. “Adrien, Amelie and Felix are here,” Gabriel said. “Oh! Coming!” Adrien raced out of his room and to the front door to see Amelie Graham de Vanily, Emilie’s identical twin sister save for her sun-darkened hair and chubbier cheeks, and her son Felix, who was tall and gangly with thin black hair and piercing silver eyes. “Aunt Amelie! Felix!” He promptly glomped his aunt, then did the same to his cousin much to the latter’s shock. “How have you been?” “We’ve been great, Adrien,” Amelie laughed. “Look at how tall you’ve gotten! Oh, you look so much like Emilie now.” “I-I do?” he asked, feeling warm at the compliment for some reason. “Of course! Oh, I’m sorry we couldn’t be here on All Saint’s Day, but Felix had school.” “It’s alright, Amelie, we understand,” Gabriel said. “Why don’t we take this inside? It’s almost time for lunch.” “Ooh! Father, may I cook it? Please?” Adrien pleaded. “Of course you can, Adrien. Just go easy on the cheese for the others, if I remember correctly Felix doesn’t share your particular palate.” “I’m not sure who does,” Felix snarked. Amelie gave him a look and he shut up.Chloe and Zoe were reading the latest issue of Majestia, 56, on their TV. Because of the arrangement of their arms reading printed books could be difficult for them, especially turning pages, so whenever they had a chance to read something digitally they gladly took it. “Looks like the fandom was worried for nothing,” Zoe said. “Ms. Hill handles the series just as well as her dad did.” “I can’t believe people seriously thought she would fuck it up, the original comics were written for her when she got sick as a little kid,” Chloe scoffed. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” Their stomachs growled in unison. “Sheesh, is it lunchtime already?” “Looks like it,” Zoe said as she paused the TV. “What’ll it be, sis? Wanna screw around in the kitchen?” “Yeah, kinda, but I’ve got a craving for something sweet. Are the Dupain-Chengs open today?” “They should be, and I think chouquettes for dessert sounds great. It’s not too far from here and it’s nice out today, so we should walk.” “Let me find a scarf that matches our shirt first.”“Lunch is served!” Adrien said as he plopped three plates of grilled cheese sandwiches in front of Gabriel, Amelie, and Felix before producing one for himself, his smelling considerably stronger. “Enjoy!” Adrien and Amelie dug in with gusto, Gabriel being slower and neater but still enjoying his son’s early forays into cooking for himself. Emilie had always believed in self-sufficiency, and he was glad that Adrien had inherited that belief. Then he noticed that Felix wasn’t touching his food. “Felix?” Gabriel asked. “Are you alright?” “How can you be happy?” Felix asked, glaring at Adrien. Adrien sucked a stray piece of cheese through his lips. “Come again?” “How can you be happy at a time like this?! Your mother is probably dead by now, Adrien! Your father spends hardly any time with you! You work like a dog, your every move is watched by millions, and don’t think I haven’t heard of the fangirls who tried to molest you in September. So how, Adrien?! How can you be happy at a time like this?!” “Felix!” Amelie scolded. “It’s alright, Aunt Amelie. I know Felix is still trying to deal with losing his dad,” Adrien said placatingly. “Dealing? I’m thriving. Colt Fathom was a violent drunk, I shed no tears over his death.” “That doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you, Felix. And for what it’s worth, yeah, there are some tense things in my life, but I have things to be happy about. I have friends, I get to learn so many cool things in school, and I get to just live. What’s wrong with that?” “Who needs friends?” Felix scoffed. Amelie gasped and Adrien’s face fell. “Adrien, you’re excused,” Gabriel said. Adrien nodded and left the room, then went back for his sandwich and resumed his journey. “Amelie, I will be heading out as well, I just remembered there’s some paperwork I need to look over.” “I understand, Gabriel,” Amelie said. After Gabriel left he heard her say “Felix, that’s no way to talk to someone, least of all your own cousin!…” Gabriel didn’t go to his study, however; he actually went to his basement, where he gazed fondly at Emilie (who now had the chrysanthemums next to her pod, the resident bees still picking pollen out of them) then went to his lair. “Nooroo? Are you awake?” Nooroo lifted his head from his teacup. “Master?” he asked sleepily, blearily rubbing his eyes with his upper pair of hands. “It’s been eight days since I last saw you.” “I’ve been spending the week with my son, Nooroo, and right now we need to help him. His cousin Felix said something rather rude to him and I want to teach Felix a lesson.” Nooroo gulped. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” “It’s nothing like that, Nooroo. I’ll be using the akuma to show him what he’s been missing in his quest for isolation. You know, like that ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ film.” “Oh, I see. Just don’t let the heroes get too rough with him. Or the other way around. And don’t let him know that it’s you.” “Trust me, Nooroo, Amelie only knows I have the Peafowl. We never told her about you. Dark wings, rise!” Gabriel transformed, and with a wave of his hands a death’s-head hawk moth fluttered into the atelier from the garden. Hawk Moth let the moth rest in his hands, then spoke to it. “Find the resentful and jealous one and transform him into something new.” He charged the moth with purple energy that turned black and slimy, the new akuma fluttering out once he was done. Hawk Moth then detransformed. “To keep up appearances,” he explained to Nooroo as he handed the Kwami a packet of dried hibiscus petals. “I have to deal with my son and my sister-in-law now, along with some genuine work; November will be a much busier month for Agreste Fashions as the quarter comes to an end. I’ll return here later.” “I’ll be here,” Nooroo said. “As always,” he muttered once Gabriel was out of earshot.“–and they assured me that the bear was tame, but I wasn’t about to take any chances,” Gina said as she regaled her granddaughter with tales of Estonia while they waited for the semlor to rise. “So what did you do?” Marinette asked. “Well, I know a few things about escaping from wild animals, so I–” The bell over the bakery’s door jingled. “Oh, do we have a customer? Who could it be?” “I’ll go see.” Marinette stood up and walked out of the prep room to see the Bourgeois twins in the lobby. “What are you two doing here?” “Hi Marinette! Is this a bad time?” Zoe asked. “We came here to pick up some chouquettes, but we can get them somewhere else if you’re busy.” “No, no, it’s fine, we’ve got some from yesterday that didn’t sell, I’ll bag them for you.” “And you’re sure they’re safe to eat?” Chloe asked skeptically. “Ohhh, a two-day-old chouquette won’t kill you. And if you’re that concerned about germs you could always just microwave them, they taste better when they’re warmed up anyway.” Marinette put the unsold chouquettes into a paper bag, counting them as she went, and rang them up. “That’s twenty-four chouquettes and the unit price is twelve for twenty, so that’ll be €14.40 for twenty-four.” Chloe handed her fifteen euros. “Keep the change, it’s break.” She took the bag from Marinette, walked outside, and screamed “DUPAIN-CHENG WHY ARE THERE GIANT FLOATING EYEBALLS IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE?!” The exclamation drew the entire Dupain-Cheng clan outside, where they saw five pairs of floating silver eyeballs the size of basketballs hovering in front of the storefront, three pairs giving Chloe a dirty look. Optic nerves writhed like snakes behind each eye. “Ewww!” Tom cringed. “This is exactly why I never got into butchery!” “What is that?” Rolland asked, Gina clutching his arm reassuringly. “An akumatized villain,” Zoe said. “And I’d know that shade of gray anywhere. The villain is Felix Agreste, Adrien’s cousin. Today must’ve been the day he came to Paris.” Rolland stared at them. “The mayor’s daughters came to my son’s bakery,” he said. “But Marinette has spoken of you before, Ms. C. Bourgeois, I thought you hated her.” “I’m annoyed by her, she’s smart and she’s caring but she holds herself back and she doesn’t let things lie even if she should. That doesn’t mean I hate her,” Chloe scoffed. “I’m flattered, Chloe,” Marinette said, genuinely touched. “Regardless, we need to find a way to get rid of those eyes before they peep on our store operations, or worse,” Sabine said firmly. The eyes suddenly flew away. “Or they could just leave on their own. That could happen too. Marinette, why don’t you go inside with your father? You know how he gets around things like organs.” Marinette picked up on the hidden message. “Papa, let’s go upstairs and do some breathing exercises.” Tom nodded in assent. “Grandma, Grandpa, why don’t you help Mama keep the bakery secure in case the eyes come back?” “I’d be delighted to, Marinette,” Gina said courteously. “It’s the least I could do for imposing on your Saturday.” “And we can help Sabine prepare for the next round of baking,” Rolland added. “C’mon, Papa, let’s go upstairs and get you some water,” Marinette said as she led Tom inside. “Chloe, Zoe, I’ll see you on Monday.” After the Dupain-Chengs went inside the bakery Zoe asked “Was that weird?” “Yeah, that was weird,” Chloe agreed. “But if the villain’s Felix then we know where he is. Let’s take our food home and call Ladybug up for a ride.”Adrien gulped at the five pairs of eyes staring at him from outside his window while he took the last bite of his sandwich. He didn’t know if they could hear him, but he didn’t want to take any chances. Plagg hadn’t been given the all-clear, so inside the dresser he stayed. Then he heard a knock. “Yes?” Gabriel entered his room. “Adrien, I’m sorry for what Felix said to you. But you did the right thing, removing yourself before your emotions fell out of control.” “Is what he said about Uncle Colt true?” Adrien asked. Gabriel sighed as he sat down on Adrien’s bed next to his son. “Yes. Colt was…old-fashioned, and not in a good way. After he passed Amelie told your mother and I all that he did; ‘violent drunk’ only scratches the surface. His marriage to Amelie was arranged just as your grandparents tried to do with your mother, it was sheer luck they decided I had enough potential that they wouldn’t interfere.” “That sounds awful. How come I didn’t know about what my grandparents did?” “We wanted to spare you from their world, so after you were born your mother cut off all contact with them. As for Amelie, when the mayor was divorced Colt got it into his head that we’d go after his marriage next, so he moved them to London and hid them.” Adrien made a face. “I hope Felix is okay, dealing with someone like that sounds horrible. Do you think his school has a therapy program like mine does?” “I don’t know, Adrien,” Gabriel admitted, looking oddly guilty. “But I hope it does…hold on, what are those eyes doing outside your room?” The eyes flew away. “Strange. Well, I must be going. Stay safe, Adrien. And don’t worry about Felix, Amelie will sort him out.” Adrien exhaled. “Thanks, Father.” Gabriel left the room and closed the door before heading off to his study, not hearing Adrien transform and sneak out through the window, which Chat barely remembered to shut behind her. “Gabriel!” Amelie cried when she saw him. “It’s Felix! He got akumatized! I don’t know where he is!” “We’ll find him, Amelie, don’t worry,” Gabriel said. “I just talked to Adrien, he wasn’t in there. I’ll help you look for Felix. What did he look like?”Blue. Felix was blue with green hair and no eyes, the sockets filled in. But he did have eyes – a hundred disembodied silver eyes that snooped around Paris in ten sets of ten. Two sets had already returned, hovering around him. And the remaining eight? Set three was watching the Cesaires. “Hot damn, Mom!” Alya complimented. “Eight different ways to cook octopus! I think that’s a record for one of your spreads.” “Nowhere near it, Alya! I’ve managed ten,” Marlena laughed. “Then let’s go for eleven! Hey Nora, do you have a suggestion for a ninth dish?”
“Have we tried accras de morue, but with octopus?” Alya’s beefy older sister asked.
“It’s never been done!” Marlena gasped. “Which means we should do it!”
Set four, the Lahiffes. “My son the filmmaker!” Nino’s father Ikram laughed. “One week and one hundred thousand views! We’ll make a star out of you yet, boy!”
Nino laughed back. “Thanks, Dad. Did you have anything in mind for promoting it? Or any other film festivals coming up I could enter?”
“None yet, but your mother and I will keep an eye out. Won’t we, Imane?”
“We will,” Nino’s mother nodded. “We want you to be the brightest star that you can be.”
Set five, the Raincomprixes. “Aw, damnit!” Sabrina groaned at the television, which was displaying a soccer match. “I could kick better than that!”
“I know you can,” Roger chuckled. “Who do you think taught you?” Sabrina laughed.
Set six, the Kantes. “So, Markov, how are you liking your new body?” Max’s father Jacques asked a…floating robot that looked a bit like a tapeworm for some reason. The robot, Markov, flexed the fingers at the end of its arm, then poked Max’s forearm. “Is this what it’s like to touch?” it – he asked.
“Yes, it is,” Max confirmed.
Markov suddenly wrapped Max’s arm in a hug, the blade powering his flight falling silent so Max wouldn’t get cut. “I like touch! And I like you, big brother!”
“I like you too, Markov,” Max smiled as he patted the robot’s “cheeks”.
Set seven, the Kubdels. Alim was posing in front of various statues in the Louvre while Alix and Jalil laughed their heads off. Set eight, the Harpreles. Fred and Mylene were singing karaoke together in an arcade. Set nine, the Kurtzeburgs. Nathaniel, clearly in the middle of a cottage life mood if the blue gingham dress was any indication, eagerly played charades with his parents, Michael and Rachel Kurzteburg, who didn’t mind how Nathaniel was dressed one bit. And finally, set ten, which was watching the Couffaines. Luka and Juleka practiced their instruments together, Ankara providing vocals. When they were done they laughed at something Anarka said; Felix wished for a moment that his eyes could hear as well. The tenth set of eyes returned to its owner. “Nothing, nothing, NOTHING!” Felix seethed. “Why are they all so happy?” “Clearly there’s something they’re doing that you’re not.” Felix snapped to attention as all one hundred eyes turned to face Ladybug, Chat, and a very nervous Chloe and Zoe. “Felix?” Ladybug asked tentatively. “It’s Argus,” Felix sneered. “He of a hundred eyes, manservant of Hera, guardian of Io.” “Cut the shit, Felix, we know it’s you in there,” Chloe growled. “And I’m not in the mood to listen to one of your weird speeches.” “Why did you have to be on the roof?” Zoe asked timidly. “You don’t know anything of my loneliness!” Felix seethed. “No one does! They’re all together, happy and sweet and all mushy! Blugh!” “Felix, you do know it’s us, right?” Chloe said with a mocking laugh. “Chloe and Zoe Bourgeois, the two-headed freaks of Paris? If there’s anyone lonely in this town, it’s us.” “You’re never truly alone like I am! You share your every waking moment with someone else by your side!” “Technically I’m more in her side,” Zoe said. “Shared skeleton, after all.” “Zoe, you’re sweet, but I’m not interested in hearing what you have to say.” “SEE?!” Chloe exclaimed, pointing between herself, Zoe, and Felix. “He always starts something with me, but never her!” “Felix, listen,” Chat interrupted. “No one knows how you feel better than you feel yourself. That came out wrong. Felix, there’s nothing wrong with having friends.” “I’ve been told all my life that I shouldn’t show weakness! And then I went ahead and did! You’re a superhero, you don’t understand!” “I’m a superhero whose mother is missing,” Chat said, eliciting gasps from the girls. “I’m a superhero whose father hardly talks to her. I’m a superhero whose secret identity looks so different from her suited-up self that lately she’s been wondering if there’s something wrong with her to cause it!” Ladybug gasped as she realized something about Chat that Chat herself hadn’t. “I’ve done so many stupid things in battles that I can’t even count them anymore. But I keep getting up every day and greeting the morning with a smile, because why? Because I like living! Because I like to see what the world can offer, both the good and even the bad! Because I want to show the world who I am, and I want them to see it! So tell me, Felix: what are you really afraid of?” “…that if I don’t show strength…I’ll get thrown into a wall again…” Everyone gasped. “My father’s dead, but my mother’s parents…the one who forced her to marry him…the ones who did nothing as his alcoholism became worse…they still live…and I’m afraid of what they might do to me.” “Felix…” Zoe said, hand to her mouth. “I had no idea your dad was so… Mom-like.” Felix blinked. “Mom-like?” “Audrey Lee thinks we’re a single entity with two heads,” Chloe explained with a fearful swallow. “Not long before she left she started looking into forcing me to undergo an operation that would remove Zoe. As in removing her head like it was a wart.” Zoe whimpered at the memory while clutching at the base of her neck, and Chloe guiltily caressed her twin’s right cheek. “Shhh, it’s okay, the law says she’s not really our mom anymore, she can’t make me do it.” Felix sighed. “We’re all lonely up here, aren’t we?” “Looks like it,” Chat said, Ladybug looking away guiltily. “Where’s the akuma?” “In my shirt,” Felix said, removing it and then suddenly shivering. “Fuck that’s cold.” “Cataclysm.” The shirt disintegrated, releasing a slimy moth that was quickly purified. The moth seemed to shiver and then dove into the vents, where it would eventually make its way back to the garden (not that anyone on the roof knew that). “Milady?” Ladybug snapped out of it. “Lucky Charm.” She got a plastic feather. “Huh. That’s an odd choice for a charm.” Only Felix understood the significance of the feather that she threw into the air, turning him “normal” and restoring his shirt. “I’d better get you down now.” “PLEASE!” the twins begged while Chat Noire slipped away. “Felix!” Amelie hugged her son. “Don’t scare me like that!” “I won’t, Mom. Hawk Moth didn’t even talk to me, one of his akumas must’ve escaped from his lair and possessed me without him knowing,” Felix replied. He saw Adrien rush over and winced. “Adrien? I’m sorry. You’re right, Colt messed me up really bad and I’m still trying to heal. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” “I understand,” Adrien said as he hugged him. “You wanna see if you can beat me in Ultimate Mecha Strike 3?” “I heard about that competition you won, and I think I can. You were only in the Parisian tournament.” The cousins shared a competitive grin, their past grievances forgotten.Marinette reunited with her family and they resumed their baking extravaganza. It was nice catching up with them and bonding the way they bonded best: through food (Marinette was surprised to find out that she liked rhubarb). Something still bothered her, though, so after her grandparents left for home she went up to her room. “Hey, Tikki?” “Yes, Marinette?” Tikki asked after emerging from inside Marinette’s mattress. “So the reason I shouldn’t tell people my secret identity is for safety, right? But you said I wasn’t ready to know Chat Noire’s yet; is it because she’s living as a boy right now?” Tikki sighed. “Yeah, it is. Fu, Plagg, and I decided that we should wait to tell you Chat’s identity and Chat yours in return because one, Chat Noire doesn’t know that she’s a girl outside of the costume yet, and two, we didn’t know your feelings on transgender people until Juleka got akumatized.” “Tikki, my grandpa may be old-fashioned but he’s not that kind of old-fashioned. He taught my dad that there are people out there who might be different from you in an unusual way, but as long as no one’s getting hurt you shouldn’t judge them or treat them badly.” She sighed. “I feel bad for Felix, though. And Chat, and the twins, and Adrien. Both of my parents are here and love me, but not everyone’s families are like mine.”“No,” Tikki agreed, “but you can share your love with those who need it. Speaking of sharing, you wouldn’t happen to have any two-day-old chouquettes left, would you?” Marinette laughed and went to retrieve one, wondering how the twins had enjoyed theirs. (The answer was very much, because they were made with love. And sugar.)
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Okay, Chloe and Zoe, today you’ll start training with the Dog Miraculous,” Fu said. “You’ve had plenty of rest, so you should be able to handle another Miraculous easily.” “What about me, teach?” Alix asked, then made a face. “Sorry, Master Fu.” “I’m not mad, call me what makes you comfortable. As long as it isn’t ‘chink’, I’ve heard that enough times to last me another 186 years.” “You’re 186?! Geeze, that shouldn’t be possible! Is it the turtle?” “The lifespan of a box turtle is actually rather similar to that of a human’s,” Wayzz corrected. “Master Fu is in such good shape because he was hit with a longevity spell in 1889, he hasn’t physically aged since.” “Oh yeah, I forgot that Earth magic was a thing. So who am I workin’ with?”“Well, you’ve met Fluff before, and I think the nature of time travel might work well for you,” Fu explained. “You’re a rather headstrong girl, so being able to see the consequences of your actions and the actions of others might benefit you. Do be careful, though; the time you spend inside the Burrow room or in alternate timelines is equal to the time elapsed in this one.” “What happens if I time out before I pick a world?” “You get ejected into the timeline nearest to you. Some of them aren’t particularly nice.” He shuddered at a distant memory. “So many lawn gnomes…” The girls exchanged an odd look while Fu retrieved the Rabbit Miraculous along with a wire necklace that didn’t form a complete circle. “Fluff, Barkk, come out and greet us, please.” Fluff materialized in a flash of cyan light. “Girls! Hello!” she waved. “Oh, is it time to do the greeting for Alix? Well, I’m Fluff, the Rabbit Kwami of Evolution, my pronouns are she and her, and my power is Burrow, which allows you to access the Burrow Room where all the universes meet and travel into them. At high levels you can even go back in time here, but there’s a catch: you can’t ever mess with the flow of this timeline or any alternates, just learn from them. To transform you say ‘Clockwise’ and to detransform you say ‘Counterclockwise’. My power-up food is carrots and my weapon is a parasol! Now it’s your turn, Barkk!” A Kwami resembling a humanoid orange dog with a white spot on her face and floppy ears materialized to Fluff’s right in a flash of orange light. “Hello, girls. I’m Barkk, the Dog Kwami of Adoration,” she said, her voice laid-back and, fittingly, a little husky. “My power is Fetch, which allows you to snatch any object from any distance with my ball, which is also my weapon. To transform you say ‘On the hunt’ and to detransform you say ‘Lay down’. My power-up food is any sort of meat product, especially turkey.” She leaned back and put her paws behind her head. “So, which twin’s it gonna be? Mullo told me that our powers don’t always work with your…biology.” “Fetch probably will, though, it seems pretty straightforward,” Zoe said. “Just yeet the ball and draw something in.” “Kim got you too,” Chloe sighed. “Alright, rock-paper-scissors.” They played and Chloe won. “Okay, Barkk, you’re going around my neck. Hold on, you’re the Kwami of Adoration and your jewel’s a collar? Geesh, I feel weird.” “Not the first time it’s been compared to that,” Barkk said as Chloe donned the necklace. “And I’ve got domain over that too since it’s a kind of adoration. In its own way.” “I am very lost here,” Chat said, confused. “Stay that way,” Ladybug replied. “Alix, do you wear your mom’s watch to school?” “No, I don’t, that thing is over 140 years old. I don’t want it smashing like this did in that alternate timeline,” Alix said as she took the Rabbit Miraculous. “And I’ve already got a cover for this one of my own, I got it to time my races.” “Good. Now remember, be very careful with touching it. One false move and you might accidentally summon Fluff in public. Even if you leave her at home, touching it while thinking about their name can teleport a Kwami to you from anywhere.” “Kinda like Fetch, actually,” Barkk remarked.As the twins walked into Francoise Dupont the following day they saw a couple holding hands. “I want what they have,” Chloe said jealously. “Which one, though? A boyfriend or a girlfriend?” Zoe asked. “Either. Both. I wish someone our age would ask us out.” “You’re the more outgoing of us, Chlo. There’s gonna be more boys after you then there will be me…and then I just drive them away by breathing.” “It’s not like the same doesn’t happen to you,” Chloe sighed. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous things, is Mendeleiev done grading our tests yet? She hasn’t posted the results online yet and it’s been almost two weeks.” “I dunno, she didn’t say anything about it in class yesterday. Maybe she’s been busy.”“Ms. Mendeleiev? Are you alright?” Nino asked in science class. “No, Mr. Lahiffe, I am very much not,” a weary Ms. Mendeleiev sighed. “All of this strange stuff about magic. It shouldn’t exist! It goes against everything I’ve been taught!” “Maybe you were taught wrong,” Juleka said quietly. Mendeleiev shot a look at her and she shrank. “I-I mean maybe magic exists in a science-y way and you weren’t taught it because your teachers didn’t know it! …p-please don’t give me detention.” Mendeleiev sighed. “You may be right, Ms. Couffaine. Magic undeniably exists given our superheroes, therefore it must do so in a scientific way. Anyway, back to a more mundane topic: your tests have been graded. I apologize for the delay, but you know I have eight classes across four grades to tally.” Marinette gave a big sigh of relief when she got hers back. “Phew. 85. That’s better than I thought I’d do.” “You’re too underconfident, girl,” Alya said as she showed the pigtailed girl her 82. “Besides, you’re smarter than me at least!” Marinette laughed. Adrien and Max heard this exchange and wisely chose to keep their 100s to themselves. Alix grimaced at her own score. “Sixty-four. Geesh, that’s not good.” “Don’t worry, Alix, Ms. Mendeleiev offers extra credit assignments to make up half the points you missed on tests,” Sabrina reminded her. “Correct, Ms. Raincomprix. Should any of you be dissatisfied with your scores you may do this extra-credit assignment I have at the front of the room,” Mendeleiev confirmed. “Get it right and you’ll earn up to half of your missed points back.” “So I can turn my sixty-four into an…eighty-two,” Alix exhaled. “Not my best, but I’ve done worse.”After class Alix took one of the extra credit assignment sheets and punched the air. “YES! Paleontology! That’s perfect!” “You never left that dinosaur phase, did you?” Chloe snickered. “No shit I didn’t, dinosaurs are awesome. And these questions are all stuff I know by heart, I could knock this out here. Ms. Mendeleiev, can I stay here after school to do this and give it to you when I’m done?” “That’s quite alright, Alix, I need to stay late today anyway,” Ms. Mendeleiev stated as she left for her office off to the side of her classroom. “Good luck, Alix!” Zoe said cheerily. Alix waved her goodbye and gave her a flirtatious wink, which made her blush before grinning and returning the wink. Alix chuckled as the twins left the room pink in the face. “Alix, I didn’t know you liked people like that,” Kim said, confused. “I thought being aromantic meant you hated love.” “Kim, ‘aromantic’ just means I don’t experience romantic attraction,” Alix corrected him. “Some aros are repulsed by the idea of romance, yeah, but some of us are neutral on it and some of us like it. I’m romance-favorable, which means I like doing romantic stuff even if I don’t get the urge to do it like you do, just like Max is the favorable kind of asexual.” “Ohhh, it’s a spectrum. Like light.” “Why do you think the Pride flag is a rainbow?” she chuckled. “But anyway, yeah, I’m not romantically attracted to the twins, but they’re cute and I trust them to treat me right. I think they feel something towards me, but you know how they get stuck on these things. Anyway, you gotta go, you’ve got a swim meet.” “That’s right, I do! See you later, Alix!” Alix giggled and sat down at a desk to start her assignment. As she thought the questions through and wrote, her left hand absently went down to the pocket watch tucked inside her jeans, the coolness of the solidified magic helping her focus. She did most of the assignment without issue until she came across a picture of a Sinosauropteryx prima. “D’aww, you’ve got a lot of fluff, don’t you~” Fluff suddenly materialized in a puff of cyan smoke and the smell of carrot cake. “Whoa! Where’s the villain, Alix?” “What?! Fluff, what the hell are you doing here?!” Alix cried. “You thought my name, so I appeared. That’s the rule, isn’t it?” “I didn’t think your name! I was–” Alix looked down at her assignment and facepalmed. “Oh goddamnit, I thought the word fluff lowercase! Alright, we need to teach you capital letters, but right now you need to go home before someone sees.” “Okay!” Fluff shrugged as she began floating towards the periodic table poster on the front wall, briefly pausing to look at it. “You know, these four unnamed elements get named next year…” She floated over and started phasing through it earsfirst, which was naturally right when Ms. Mendeleiev returned to the room. Alix’s eyes widened but due to the rules of secret identities was forced to stay silent as Mendeleiev squinted at the wall, then ran over and grabbed the end of one of Fluff’s whiskers before it was able to go through the wall completely. She pulled, and Fluff was yanked back out roughly. Mendeleiev blinked at the tiny goddess in her hands. Fluff coughed. “Hello, I’m a drug-induced hallucination–” “Magical creature!” Mendeleiev exclaimed. “Talking ghost rabbit! This is unprecedented!” “Ms. Mendeleiev, put the bunny down, you’re scaring her,” Alix said weakly. “Everything I know about the universe! Everything I’ve been told! All of it! Incomplete!” Mendeleiev babbled, not noticing the akuma heading into the room and fusing with her lab coat. When the smog cleared the coat had turned gray, a blaster mounted on a hose like a tentacle snaking out of the highlighter yellow pod on her back. Her skin had turned pale pink, her hair a darker shade. “But now I have a way to complete it! If I capture you I can study your magic! Understand everything!” “A rabbit Kwami?” Hawk Moth said through a purple visor over the teacher’s eyes. “There must be additional Miraculous in Paris. Understandable, the Nazis did confiscate and destroy several Miraculous, that must’ve been one of the lucky ones that escaped. Well, she isn’t the Ladybug’s or Black Cat’s, so I don’t need her power. Kwamibuster, you can test your pack on the Rabbit for when you find the ones I need.” “Yes, Hawk Moth.” Mendeleiev let go of Fluff, summoned her blaster, then took aim and fired. Fluff barely dodged a tendril of yellowish-green light that tried to snag her. “Get back here! I need to study you!” “AAAAAAH!” Fluff screamed as she successfully phased through the wall. Mendeleiev growled and gave chase. Alix whimpered. “This is all my fault. Wait…if I transform, she won’t be able to get Fluff!” She touched the watch and Fluff teleported to her. “Time to get you somewhere safe, Fluff, namely inside my organs! CLOCKWISE!” In a flash of cyan light Alix transformed into a rabbit-themed heroine, her bodysuit having significantly fewer yellow patches on her body than the twins’ did while her rabbit ears, gloves, and boots were yellow and her hair had grown to shoulder-length and slightly pinker. Alix ran her tongue over her transformed front teeth and frowned. “Ugh, hope I don’t bite my tongue.” Mendeleiev ran back into the classroom and tilted her head. “Who are you?” “The name’s Bunnyx, and you’re not getting my friend,” Bunnyx growled. “Seeya!” She sprang out of her chair much faster than she normally did, then kicked the window hard enough that it popped open. She jumped out and unfurled her parasol, which let her glide safely to the ground. Mendeleiev grimaced. “You didn’t happen to make me flight-capable, did you?” “Just take the stairs,” Hawk Moth sighed.“Ugh, where’s our ride?” Chloe groaned. “It’s only been ten minutes, Chloe,” Zoe replied. “Be patient.” Then she saw Bunnyx walking their way. “Um, Chloe? I think Alix transformed…and holy crap, she looks great.” “Guess we’re not the only ones who look hot as bunnies,” Chloe said, blushing a little. “Wait, if she’s here, then that means–” Mendeleiev ran out of Francoise Dupont. “At least my endurance was enhanced,” she grumbled. “Rabbit Hero, relinquish your Kwami.” “Fat chance! I’m gonna go where you can’t follow!” Bunnyx said as she hopped away. Mendeleiev cursed under her breath and gave chase once more. “Oh no! She’s going to use Burrow! Then she’ll only have five minutes to get back home, and then Ms. Mendeleiev will take Fluff!” Zoe panicked. “Zoe, relax. We’ve got a solution who’s both a literal and a metaphorical retriever.” The twins hobbled into an alley and made sure no one could see them, then Chloe touched her necklace. “Come in, Barkk.” Barkk materialized in a puff of orange smoke and the smell of (fittingly enough) smoked meat. “Girls, what’s up?” “Alix is a bunny and Mendeleiev’s trying to kidnap Fluff. We need your help to stop her.” Barkk facepalmed. “Gimmidamnit, Fluff, I knew your ditziness might cause trouble someday.” She exhaled. “Alright, let’s do this. Transform with me.” “On the hunt!” the twins whispered, transforming in an orange flash of light. They emerged wearing a rather soft and plush costume rather than the typical spandex, orange with a white stomach and white gloves and boots, a foot-long fake tail with a white tip sprouting from each tailbone. Their eyes had turned russet brown, as had their hair, Chloe’s down and bobbed while Zoe’s was up in a short ponytail. Both twins wore a dog-ear headband, Chloe’s ears big and floppy and Zoe’s short and perky, and an orange domino mask with a black dot over their noses, and Chloe wore a collar with a brown tennis ball attached to it over the Miraculous. The twins ran after Bunnyx, marveling at how much Barkk enhanced their speed and grace. When they got close enough Chloe removed the ball with her left hand and catapulted it at Bunnyx just as the leporine heroine used Burrow in the middle of an alley. The ball smacked the sole of Bunnyx’s left foot just as Mendeleiev tackled her into the Burrow room, leaving behind a small glowing mark of orange. When they used Fetch they would be able to choose which object to pull in, which in this case was just Alix. The fluttering of wings. “Girls, what’s going on?” Ladybug asked as the portal closed. “Barkk thinks Fluff came here by accident and Ms. Mendeleiev saw her,” Zoe explained. “Don’t know how that got her akumatized.” “It gave her another existential crisis,” Chat said as she touched down. “Yeah, that might do it.” Zoe looked at the ball in Chloe’s left hand. “Hope Fetch works between realities. You two stay on guard in case Mendeleiev gets the Miraculous and leaves, we’ll stay here and try to get her out here. We can sorta sense where Alix is, but right now there’s too many alternate timelines in the way to get a clean shot.”“Shit,” Bunnyx said inside the Burrow room. “Where did my timeline go?” “Your watch,” Ms. Mendeleiev realized. “That’s the phylactery your Kwami is tied to. If I remove it, then I can catch it!” “Fat chance, lady!” Bunnyx snarled. She grabbed her parasol and swung it at the older woman, hoping to knock the blaster out of her hands, but Mendeleiev was tall enough to dodge. Then she reached for the Miraculous, only for Bunnyx to do a backflip, striking the old woman on her sizeable nose with a rabbit-scaled foot. Snarling, Mendeleiev swung again, and so it went, each one trying to avoid falling into the alternate timelines that might trap them forever. Whenever they got close enough to a screen they got a brief glimpse of what lay inside them. A timeline where Mendeleiev appeared on that stupid Alternative Truth TV show that Kim watched so he could make fun of the guests. A timeline where Hawk Moth was the hero (although he was called Betterfly in this universe; wasn’t his Kwami a sphinx moth given his villain name?) and Ladybug (who had two arms & no wings) & a masculine Chat Noire were the villains. A timeline where Ladybug was Chat Noire and a masculine Chat Noire was Ladybug. A timeline where Alya was the Ladybug heroine and a singlet, two-armed Zoe (whose hair was dyed the ugliest shade of lime green) was the Black Cat heroine. A timeline where the characters of Majestia actually existed, Majestia herself being just as busty as Olympia Hill, who in that universe was her secret identity. A timeline where Adrien’s emo cousin Felix was a blonde. The Rabbit Miraculous beeped the four-minute warning. Bunnyx grimaced and kept fighting, barely managing to get away from Mendeleiev pulling on her rabbit ears (which hurt, were they attached to her skull?) by stomping on her foot. As they continued fighting their path took them deeper into the Burrow room, and the timelines diverged even further. They saw a timeline where the Kwamis were humans and the humans were Kwamis. A timeline where the Kwamis were humanoid animals and the humans were human-shaped Kwamis. On that note, Marc’s comic book universe flew past them, playing a scene where a red-haired girl in green named Perry donned a hot pink sleep mask with eyelash decals to take on the powers of the Human Kwami Ladyy. Then they saw a Rule 63 timeline where a masculine Rose became Prince Fragrance, a timeline where Marinette got akumatized and made a bunch of clones of herself, and a timeline where Marinette was kissing some jerk in an ugly red-and-yellow supersuit while Adrien and Alya were metaphorically shat upon. The three-minute warning. Bunnyx managed to land a bite on the blaster’s hose, her rabbitlike chompers making short work of the rubber. Undeterred, Mendeleiev kept using the severed blaster as a melee weapon. Then the alternate timelines got really strange. They saw a timeline where Kim alone was a zombie. A timeline set in medieval times where the Kwamis were dragons, a reptilian panther-shaped Plagg spewing corrosive brown acid. A timeline where everyone was made of their respective birthstones, Adrien and Nathaniel both made of glittering blue sapphire. They ducked around a screen showing a timeline where everyone was a dinosaur, and Bunnyx was pleased to see that her counterpart was her all-time favorite dinosaur: Struthiomimus altus, pink and black feathers overlying green scales. Then she finally saw her own timeline with a feminine Chat Noire, a four-armed Ladybug, and her favorite conjoined twins wearing an adorable doggy costume. Bunnyx’s watch beeped the two-minute warning just as Mendeleiev got her in another headlock. Now was the time to finish this. While her teacher suplexed her, Bunnyx planted her feet onto her teacher’s stomach and kicked, sending Mendeleiev flying through the…not quite air into the screen denoting her timeline. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and started falling, heading towards a glimpse of a lava field…which, judging by the lava-covered planet looming in the sky, was probably Earth at the time of the collision that formed the Moon. Bunnyx shed a tear and prepared to get lost forever in a world without carrots to power Fluff back up, then felt something tug on her left foot. With a comical whirring noise she was reeled back up, all of her belongings (the parasol had gotten dislodged while being suplexed) flying out with her. She was reeled out belly-up through her portal and flew right into the twins, bowling them over…and landing on Chloe’s stomach in such a way that her lips wound up pressing into hers. Silence. Then Bunnyx removed herself as her watch beeped the one-minute warming. “Chloe, shit, I’m so sorry, I should’ve thought this through, I didn’t mean to kiss you without consent, I–” “Alix…” Chloe said softly. Alix looked down and saw how red-faced Chloe was. “I’m glad you’re okay. And…I liked that. I like you. E-even though I know you’re not really able to feel the same way, I-I just…you were the first person our age who didn’t run away. J-just ask next time you want to k-kiss me.” “But…” Bunnyx turned to face Zoe, who was…also red in the face. Right, shared bloodstream. “Alix…I also l-like you…w-we always like the same people. A-and I know that that’s kinda weird, especially since not all conjoined twins are like us in that way, so uh, it might not be worth it to d-date us.” “I don’t give a fuck!” Zoe blinked. “You two are a permanent package deal, and I made peace with that a long time ago. I decided that if one of you ever asked me out I’d find a way to give both of you as much love as my brain allows me to make.” Bunnyx sighed as the transformation dropped, leaving her just Alix. “Chloe, Zoe…I’m okay with both of you loving me. Because you didn’t run away from me either. So Zoe, can I…kiss you?” Zoe nodded enthusiastically. “YES!” Alix laughed and bent down to kiss Zoe on the lips. “Chloe, we did it! We kissed a girl!” “I’m not your first?” Alix asked. “You’re our first girl, but not our first ever. Our first kisses were with a boy, we kissed Adrikins under the mistletoe when we were eleven at a New Year’s party,” Chloe said casually. Chat looked somewhat nervous at the remark. “So that’s why I saw Adrien’s dad setting a bunch of tabloid magazines on fire,” Alix recalled. She turned around and grinned nervously at Ladybug and Chat Noire. “You uh, you saw all that, huh?” “We’re not going to tell anyone how this happened,” Ladybug promised. “Ms. Mendeleiev’s been taken care of, Chat Cataclysmed her pack and it took her coat with it. I used Lucky Charm and got a wax carrot, the moth’s purified and the Cure fixed the window. Alix, you should probably go back inside, I think you left your bag in there.” Alix patted her back. “Shit, you’re right.” The twins detransformed. Barkk said “Fluff.” Fluff whimpered and floated over. “What happened?” “I thought Alix was calling my name, so I came over,” Fluff said meekly. “And then I got distracted when phasing through the wall.” Barkk’s gaze softened. “I’ve made that mistake myself,” she admitted. “I think Sass, Roaar, and Stompp have too. We try to use honorifics around new holders until we’re able to tell when they want us, so maybe you should only respond if someone says ‘Miss Fluff’.” “As for the other stuff…well, if you had phased through the wall someone else might’ve seen you,” Chat said. “Someone not as nice about magic as Ms. Mendeleiev.” “That was nice?” Alix muttered. Fluff exhaled. “Thanks. Alix, I am so, so sorry I nearly got you stranded in the Hadean.” “No, Fluff, it’s my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to where my hands were or where I was fighting in the Burrow room, I caused this whole mess.” The crimson-haired girl huffed a bit. “But all the same I really liked working with you, if we can keep communicating and being more careful I think we could be great together.” “Yeah,” Fluff agreed. “I’ll want to talk to Sass first, though, I haven’t been active since the monastery fell. Sass is the Cobra and he’s also got time powers, in case you were wondering.” “Good idea, Fluff,” Barkk said. “We can talk to him once we’re home. Chloe, Zoe, I know we didn’t get to speak very much but I liked working with you two.” “I did too, Barkk,” Zoe replied as the twins and Alix got to their feet. “Your power’s pretty straightforward and really easy for us to figure out.” “And I think you could stand to benefit from a little more self-adoration. But hey, there are two of you, perhaps if you unify me with someone else we’ll get the right combo. For now, though, I think it’s time you took me home…and prepared for a shovel talk with Alix’s dad.” The twins blushed and Barkk laughed, which was naturally a barking sort of laugh. “Glad you’ve got everything sorted out. We gotta go. Catch you later!” Ladybug said before flying away, her earrings beeping their one-minute warning. "Have a magical first date!” Chat said before vaulting away. Alix laughed. “Those two…wanna walk me back to Mendeleiev’s, Zoe? Chloe got my first kiss, so I think you should have my first hand-hold. More for you than for me, but, y’know.” “Thanks, Alix,” Zoe said bashfully as they linked hands, tasteful lime green fingernails interlacing with solid black ones. “I’d like that.” Chloe smiled approvingly.Alim and Andre sat with their daughters in a conference room in the hotel. “So,” Alim said. “You two and Alix are…” “A polycule,” Chloe said, staring at her foot. “We’re in a relationship now, of sorts since she’s aro. We both like her, and she trusts us both.” “And are there…others you wish to court as well?” “Someday,” Zoe admitted. “We’re just…there’s so many different kinds of love that some part of us needs, and it wouldn’t be right to make Alix give us all of them, especially if she can’t make them in the first place.” “Dad, I’m okay with that. I think I might actually be a little poly too, however that works with aros,” Alix said. Alim exhaled. “It’s not something I understand, and one person dating two siblings simultaneously is especially unusual. But if you’re happy…” He smiled at them. “Then I’ll let you find yourselves.” “So you’re not angry?” Alix asked. “Why would I be? I’m a curator and former archaeologist, I’ve seen all sorts of arrangements of love. As long as the love is healthy I think it’s wrong to interfere. Other people might not approve, but I don’t think you care about that much.” “Hell yeah we don’t,” Chloe said with a smirk. “We’re freaks. They’d hate us if we were straight.” She turned to face Andre and paled. “Uh…” “Girls,” Andre said gently, “do what you need to do. Whether that’s protecting our city from Hawk Moth’s villains or filling your heart with people who truly care for you, if you’re healthier doing it then do it.” Zoe smiled. “Thanks, Daddy.” “Anytime, flower. Anytime. Now how did you do on that science test?” “Ninety,” Chloe said. “Ninety-five,” Zoe said. “See? I told you studying with Adrien would help,” Andre smiled. “Speaking of which, Alix, I saw your score. Is everything alright?” Alim asked. “I think I might’ve been in too much of a hurry to get out of class that day. But I’ve learned my lesson, Dad, I’ll take more time to do stuff. Especially now since I have a reason to slow down.” Alix took Chloe’s right hand and squeezed it; Chloe squeezed back. He nodded, satisfied. “Very well. Good luck.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Andre sprayed the inside of his mouth with water. “Showtime,” he said to himself. As he left his bedroom he saw the twins placing something into their DVD player. “Oh, hello girls. What brought this on?” “We’ve got a writing assignment for childhood memories, but we’ve got too many to pick from,” Chloe said. “We thought we could get some help choosing by watching our old home movies.” Andre smiled. “Ah, I remember those. And that documentary we shot when you were five; wow, it’s been nine years now, I’m getting old. Which one was that, Zoe?” “It’s the doc, actually,” Zoe said. “We figured it might have captions so we could pause it and write if we had to.” “I see. Well, I’m off to Pantheon-Sorbonne to give my speech, I’ll see you at dinner.” “Bye Daddy!” the twins waved. After he left, Zoe pressed play and they sat down in front of the TV, laptops at the ready.
A younger and thinner Andre Bourgeois knocked on the twins’ bedroom door. “Girls? It’s time to get up.”
My name is Andre Bourgeois, the narration said in Andre’s voice. I’m a member of the Council of Paris from the Fourth Arrondissement representing the Socialist Party, and I’m currently fifty years old. But I’m also a father of two little girls, identical twins named Chloe and Zoe. “We’re coming, Daddy,” came a little voice from inside the room. “Well, I’m tryin’ to come, Chloe’s still sleepy.”
“Uggah…” came another little voice.
“I’ll help you wake her up,” Andre said. He opened the door to their room, which was simpler in those days with fewer plushies on their bed, although the twin stuffed bees, one yellow and the other pink, were still as prominent as ever under their arms. He walked over and knelt next to Chloe’s face. “Chloe? You have to go to school today.”
“Oguh…” Chloe groaned. Zoe let out a distressed noise at the idea of being late.
“Too sleepy to stand. C’mon, I’ll help you up.” Andre put a hand under Chloe’s chest and lifted, Zoe providing the rest of the force to make them vertical with her back muscles while setting her pink bee on her pillow. In the process, the twins’ conjoined status was revealed to the viewer. Chloe became more alert as she was lifted up, letting her yellow bee tumble to the foot of their bed. “There, now let’s have breakfast.”
Zoe stood up, sliding off of the mattress on her side and standing with both of her legs. She took a small crutch from next to the bed and handed it to Chloe. Waking up fully, Chloe took it while Zoe took the other. The twins hobbled out of their room, using the crutches to balance while mostly relying on their outer legs for locomotion.
Chloe and Zoe are a specific kind of identical twin called conjoined or polycephalic twins. More specifically, they’re very rare dicephalic parapagus twins with three total arms and three total legs. Chloe is on their right and controls their right arm, their inner left arm, and their outer right leg, while Zoe, who is on their left, controls their left leg, their inner right leg, and their outer left arm. Because of how their bones and organs are linked they can’t be separated, and this has led to situations that they have to resolve in unique ways. I made this film for them so they could learn about themselves and those around them. This is their story, “Two Bees in a Pod”.
Andre exited the limousine outside the Sorbonne Library. Nadja Chamack was there waiting for him. “Hello, Mr. Mayor,” she said courteously. “Are you ready for your speech about this year’s new economic policies?” “Yes, Ms. Chamack, I feel very ready,” Andre replied with a polite smile. “I spent the last week revising my script myself, you know.” “No wonder you’re so tired in the mornings if you do all your hardest work at night,” Nadja chuckled. Andre laughed too, finding the remark apt. “Yes, I suppose that is how I work. Is everyone ready?” “Not quite, sir. We’ve got an hour before the assembly starts.” Andre tilted his head. “An hour delay? What for?” “I’m not sure. Perhaps they want to speak to you about Hawk Moth before you speak about the economy. As a former akumatization victim myself I know I want to know what you’re doing to track Hawk Moth down.” “I’ve asked the President of France and the Prefect of Police to help me organize a task force to track akumas before they possess people,” he replied. “It’s slow going, mostly because this has never come up before in recent history. The fact that the akumas can…what’s the word? That thing they do when they act like ghosts?” “Phase?” “Phase! Yes, they can phase through solid objects and nothing seems to deter them, that makes it a lot harder to find out where he’s hiding. It might be possible that the only thing that can truly stop a released akuma, or track Hawk Moth’s location for that matter, is magic. Rest assured, our resident superheroes are doing their best to control his chaos while their support network tries to hone in on where Hawk Moth’s lair might be.” “And what do you recommend to the people of Paris to avoid getting akumatized?” “Akumas appear to be attracted to strong emotions, particularly negative ones. For that, I recommend whatever coping method works for you as long as it isn’t self-injurious.” “I see. Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Thank you for looking out for Paris.” “I love Paris like I love my daughters, Ms. Chamack. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for them.” “This is Nadja Chamack from TVi News, wishing Andre Bourgeois good luck.”When Andre entered the Saint-Jacques room where his speech was to be held, he saw a nearby group of college students giggling at something on their phone. “I’m surprised no one’s cleared this room out yet,” he muttered to himself. “Look at that! It’s a big red-and-blue walrus!” Andre stilled and turned to see one of the college students, a boy with brown hair in a green baseball cap, pointing at him. Andre’s eyes flicked downwards and saw that the boy was streaming TVi News on his phone to his friends. “No, no, no, it’s Sleepy Andre, the man who’s too old to remember simple words like ‘phase’!” giggled a blonde girl in pink. “Leave the politics to the young people, old-timer!” “My gaffe could’ve happened to anyone,” Andre protested. “When there are eyes on you that you weren’t expecting you’re bound to make at least one mistake.” “Nah, you made two mistakes,” said another boy, this one in a white tank top. “That two-headed dyke you janked into the world is the other!” “Ugh, I knowwwww,” whined the girl. “I can’t believe she’s dating that pink-haired dwarf from the Louvre. Don’t these people know it’s not appropriate to show lesbos to kids?” “Hey mayor, here’s a thought we awake people have: send your blonde slut to get some therapy so she can settle down with a proper MAN!” the boy in the cap said before the three bullies laughed heartily. Most people thought that Andre generally had feet of clay when it came to reacting to insults; Andre himself agreed with them. But there were things that were sure to rile him up, and directing hate speech at his beloved daughters was at the top of the list. He didn’t even notice the akuma fusing with his sash until his body was covered in purple smog and Hawk Moth’s insectoid eyes were staring at him. Hawk Moth was quiet for a moment before speaking to Andre’s inner self: “Malediktator, I am Hawk Moth. Humiliate them.” And then he left. Andre emerged from the smog blue-skinned and dressed like Napoleon Bonaparte. “So,” he said, voice dripping with anger, “Sleepy, am I? WALRUS, am I? FATHER OF A SLUT, AM I?! You’ll be eating those words once I’m done with you, you dreadful children!” “Make me, old man!” the boy in the cap taunted…and then gaped as Andre grabbed at the air and pulled out a white speech bubble with his own lines on it. Andre then fired a beam of yellow light at the student, compelling him to grab the speech bubble and swallow it whole like a snake eating a rat. Another beam turned him into an Atlantic walrus. “What?! What did you do to __?” The boy in the cap stilled. “Now for your friends.” Andre fired two new beams of light at the other delinquents, who screamed. “Perfect,” he grinned.
The girls have very different personalities. Chloe is active, short-tempered, and isn’t afraid to speak up for herself; Zoe is much more passive and quieter, and there are times where she isn’t quite as attentive or quick on the uptake as Chloe is. Their strengths make up for each other’s deficits; Chloe stands up when Zoe’s too frightened to speak up for herself, and Zoe holds Chloe back and pushes her to seek more peaceful solutions.
“Okay everyone! I have big news for you all,” said the teacher at the twins’ nursery school. “We’re going to get into groups and act out a fairytale, then we’re all gonna put on a show for your mommies and daddies! Who wants to suggest a fairytale to act out?” A little boy raised his hand. “Yes, Raphael?”
“I wanna do Goldilocks and the Three Bears! I can be big, mean Papa Bear!” the boy said. “Grrr, that porridge is too hot.”
“Very good! We’ll also need parts for Mama Bear, Baby Bear, and Goldilocks.” Zoe shyly raised her hand. “Yes, Zoe?”
“Can I be Goldilocks?” Zoe asked.
“You can’t be Goldilocks! Goldilocks only has one head!” said a little girl.
“I’m not a head, I’m her sister!” Chloe sniped. “Stop calling me a head, Capucine!”
“Hey, maybe Goldilocks can have a sister who tries to tell her to stop doing naughty things, like a, a, a, a, a conch-science! Like Pinocchio’s cricket!” Zoe exclaimed.
“I’m afraid I have to agree with Capucine, Zoe. Your mommies and daddies will be very surprised if you change the fairytale,” the teacher said. “So I don’t think it’s a good idea to change it so you can be Goldilocks.” Zoe’s face fell.
“Then why do they all say ‘retold’ at the bottom of the books?” Chloe muttered.
Suddenly, another hand went up. “Yes, Adrien?” the teacher asked.
“I wanna do The Elves and the Shoemaker!” Adrien said. “I can be the Shoemaker, and Chloe and Zoe can be the elves! They like shoes, so they’d be perfect elves!”
“If you say so, Adrien,” the teacher said, her enthusiasm clearly dampened. The opposite was true of the twins, who looked ecstatic.
That sunshine child is Adrien Agreste, the son of my longtime friend Emilie Agreste and her husband Gabriel. After Audrey left my daughters and I for New York, the Agrestes, and Emilie in particular, have been especially good to us. Thanks to them I don’t have to worry about the twins’ safety quite as much.
“Awww, little Adrien!” Zoe cooed. “Once a sweetheart, always a sweetheart!” “And you couldn’t pronounce ‘conscience’ correctly,” Chloe chuckled. “You were what, eight when someone finally told you how to say it?” “I distinctly remember you laughing your buttock off because you knew I was saying it wrong the whole time.” “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. I did no such thing.” There came a knock at the door. “That’s odd. I didn’t remember us being on hotel duty today.” They paused their show, put their slippers on, then padded over to the door. They opened it, and then Chloe slammed it shut. “Zoe, we can’t let the heroes see us without makeup, we have acne.” “I don’t care about that! You looked fine!” Ladybug said from the other side of the door. “Just do it,” Zoe sighed. Chloe relented and opened the door. “Ladybug? Chat Noire? What are you doing here?” “Someone got akumatized, but we can’t bring you along this time,” Ladybug said firmly. “Correction: she says we can’t bring you along, but I purr-sonally want to.” Ladybug gave Chat a withering look. “It was a crime against humanity for me to take this long to make that pun.” “What’s the big deal? We’ve dealt with tons of akumatized villains,” Zoe said, confused. “Well, twenty-two at least.” “This one’s a…conflict of interest, as they say.” Ladybug sighed. “Look, let’s cut to the chase: it’s your dad.” The twins stilled. “…Daddy got akumatized?” Chloe asked in a hushed voice. “Yeah. His speech got delayed for some reason, and while he was waiting for the delay to end some college kids started picking on him. And then they said some nasty things about you, so he got mad and Hawk Moth got him. I don’t have any more details than that, the news said all the remaining info about him’s too scrambled to make sense of.” “Milady thinks you two would make bad decisions because of your relationship with him,” Chat explained. “And I think you’d be the key to defeating him especially quickly.” “I’m with Chat,” Chloe said. “If it’s because of something someone said about us we’ll be able to talk him down.” “Me too, looks like the majority wins. Sorry, Ladybug,” Zoe said apologetically. Ladybug sighed. “I don’t like this.” “Why not, Ladybug? Why aren’t you able to trust us?” Chloe asked angrily. “After all we’ve been through–” “I DO trust you! It’s Hawk Moth I don’t trust! What if he finds out you’ve been helping us? I know your dad knows about your akuma-chasing, what if Hawk Moth reads his mind? What if you being there tips him off? What if you get akumatized because I wasn’t there to stop it?” Chloe’s gaze softened. “Ladybug…you’re an idiot. He’s our dad. If we go there we can just play it off like concerned daughters wanting to talk to their father.” “We’ll be careful,” Zoe promised. “But right now we need to find out what he can do. We’ll take the limo since it’ll help with our cover and it’s a bit far to fly in this weather. Which reminds me, we might wanna change.” Ladybug smiled. “Thanks, girls.”“So, Ms. Chamack, when Ladybug said you told her that Daddy scrambled the information about him…you meant that literally,” Chloe said in disbelief. Blocking the entrance to the Saint-Jacques room was a pile of scrambled eggs four feet tall. “It was the strangest thing,” Nadja said. “And because of that I don’t know what he can do.” Ladybug’s stomach suddenly growled. “Ladybug? Was that you?” “I think that was,” Ladybug replied sheepishly. “I have ADHD, sometimes I get so invested in things that I forget to eat. Eat…say, ladybugs are known to eat the eggs of other creatures.” She pulled out a wad of eggs from the pile and stuffed it into her face. “Gross! That was public eggs!” Chloe cringed as Ladybug swallowed and wiped her mouth with her sleeve, Zoe looking similarly ill. “These eggs are made of the data about Andre’s akumatization!” Ladybug exclaimed as her eyes went wide. “He’s a reality warper who can bring language to life! When he scrambled the information to turn it into scrambled knowledge eggs, he took it out of Ms. Chamack’s head and made it into a physical object!” “And the victims?” Chat asked. “One of them got turned into a walrus, another boy is in a coma, and there’s a girl who got turned into a pink-haired dwarf. He made one of them eat his words and now he can’t say them.” “Crack about our dad’s weight, crack about our dad’s sleeping habits,” Zoe said as she counted on her fingers. “…crack about our relationship with Alix.” She growled. “Well, she doesn’t deserve to be a dwarf forever. Chat, use Cataclysm on the eggs.” Chat did so and tried the door. “Crap, it’s locked.” “Lucky Charm!” Ladybug got a key. “Hope this fits.” It did. “Now remember, girls: no figurative language, no insults–” “–and no puns,” Chat finished with a frown. “Phooey, there go all my lines.”The doors swung open. “Mr. Mayor?” Ladybug called into the room. “It’s me, Ladybug. Chat Noire and I are here to talk to you.” Andre appeared from behind a bookshelf, his victims behind him. “You’re a ladybug? You don’t quite look it.” He shot a beam of light at Ladybug and she turned into a seven-spotted ladybug, her Miraculous magically stuck to her elytra. “And Chat Noire doesn’t look like much of a black cat.” Another beam, and Chat became a black cat with her Miraculous tied to a black collar. “Now hand over your Miraculous!” A pair of beams shot out of his hands at them, hoping to force them to do his bidding…only for three hands to block the beams. “Meow,” Chat said. The actual word “meow”. “Mind your feet!” Ladybug said in a tiny voice as she scuttled away on all sixes while the twins walked over and faced their father down. Andre blinked. “Girls? What are you doing here?” “Preventing you from getting impeached,” Chloe replied. “Daddy, I know you’re mad at them, but what do you think letting Hawk Moth get his way will accomplish? We could all get erased by the Wish!” “How hasn’t the walrus one fallen through the floor by now?” Zoe questioned. “Shut up you two-headed dyke freak!” the walrus seethed. Andre and the twins glared at him. “Guys!” Ladybug barked. “This isn’t how we deal with people like them! We might want to hurt them, but we don’t because we don’t stoop to their level! We act BETTER than this to give a better example of how to solve problems to other people! Otherwise we’d fall into anarchy!” Andre looked ashamed of himself, and the twins looked similarly nervous. “You’re right, Ladybug. All I did was transform them in an ironic way and make them sit here and think…but there was a better way to hold them accountable.” He fired beams of light at the college students and restored them, then did the same to Ladybug and Chat Noire. “Hawk Moth? Detransform me.” “As you wish,” Hawk Moth said through a visor before forcing the moth out of the sash. Andre wobbled. “What…am I still here? What’s going on?” “You got akumatized, Daddy,” Chloe said gently while Chat purified the moth. “You got mad for us, but…we’re growing up. We can stand up for ourselves a lot better than we could when we were five.” “Hope I didn’t do anything too rash.” “Hold on, you don’t remember the shit you did to us?!” the girl cried, the sleeping boy finally waking up. “They usually don’t. Akumatization is a corruption of the Hawk Moth Miraculous’ power that suppresses most of the conscious mind of the akumatized,” Ladybug explained as she dispensed the Cure. “Once released they can’t remember what they did while transformed, with some exceptions.” “And for the record, the twins’ love lives are not your business,” Chat said firmly. “It’s theirs and theirs alone. If they can’t judge your lifestyle, then it’s only fair that they’re free from your judgement too.” “It wasn’t even that scary!” the boy in the cap, human once more, protested. “You said that my daughters should be given conversion therapy to make them attracted to men,” Andre growled, earning some gasps. “People who say things like that mean it.” “What’s conversion therapy?” Chat asked. “It’s where they try to ‘cure’ you of being gay by torturing you, usually with electricity,” Zoe explained with a sneer. Chat looked ill now. “And it’d be completely pointless anyway; we’re pansexual, we’re already attracted to men.” “Look out! There’s another akuma!” Ladybug panicked. Everyone turned to see the akuma fly into the room…but it didn’t merge with anyone. A vision of Hawk Moth emerged from the akuma’s wings. “I may be a bit reckless with human life, although after Stormy Weather I’ve learned to be more careful with how I akumatize – and I apologize for that, I wasn’t intending for her to end up so consumed by her rage – but I am not the worst enemy that Paris is facing. The reason I’m able to work as I do is because this city isn’t as happy as it acts, and rhetoric like what these students were spouting is a perfect example. If you truly wish to deal with me, you need to cut me off at the source and stop acting with prejudice and bigotry, for that creates the strong negative feelings necessary for transformation. Pass that on to the news.” “Y-yes, Hawk Moth,” Andre swallowed. The vision disappeared and the akuma phased outside before spontaneously deakumatizing itself into a normal moth. “Wow, is that what he looks like? He looks like something from a nineties cartoon,” Chloe said at last. Zoe and Ladybug burst into laughter. “Ohhh…anyway, I gotta go. Seeya!” Ladybug flew away, Chat hot on her heels. “Boo,” Chloe said to the delinquents while making a face. Still frightened by Hawk Moth’s appearance, they screamed and ran out of the room. “Sheesh, why is it always the cowards who become the biggest bullies?” “They feel like they have the most to prove, I suppose,” Andre said before smiling at his daughters. “Thank you, my flowers, you saved me from doing something rather foolish.” “You saved us I don’t know how many times when we were kids,” Zoe said. “It’s about time we saved you.” Andre gratefully wrapped his daughters in a tight hug that they eagerly reciprocated.Andre finished his speech without any hiccups until afterwards. “Mr. Mayor, is it true you got akumatized today?” a reporter asked. “It is,” he confirmed. “My speech was pushed back an hour without my knowledge due to unforeseen delays with the other speakers, so I wound up coming here early. While I waited for them to arrive a group of students said some rather cruel things about myself and even crueler things about my daughters, and that was how Hawk Moth got me. According to my daughters I became some sort of word-based reality warper; if so, I’m glad it didn’t last very long.” “Mr. Mayor, did Hawk Moth personally address you?” another reporter asked. “He did. He is no doubt a terrifying man, but there is something oddly noble about him; I believe the term to use is ‘chaotic neutral’. Although I don’t like what he’s doing to our city, he does seem to have a virtuous side to him, and he said something today that I agree with: Paris is unhappy. As the influence of the internet and social media in particular continue to grow and expand it becomes increasingly easy to divide us, for selfishness and fast judgements without any sort of nuance are favored over introspection and comprehension. Hawk Moth is able to act in large part because of the divisions we allow ourselves to create. To combat him it will take more than just coping mechanisms and therapy, although they will certainly help to limit the scope of his ugly wrath. No, it will take us – ALL of us – to stop thinking about our own perspective all the time and start considering those of others.” “Mr. Mayor, are you saying that you don’t love our city?” a third reporter asked, looking clearly predatory. “Certainly not! I love Paris like I love my daughters, and like them I wish to see her become the best version I know she can be. And with your help, we can MAKE our beloved Paris the best version of the best city in the world!” The standing ovation he got was one of the biggest he’d ever gotten, and Andre looked prouder than he’d been in a very long time.Back home, the twins were finishing the documentary.
Living in an eternal compromise has caused the twins to take my lessons about empathy to heart, or hearts as the case may be. At their core they’re compassionate girls who hate seeing their loved ones upset.
“Sabrina, we found your monkey!” Zoe called, pointing at a tree where a stuffed monkey had been tossed into the branches.
“Can you get it down?” a younger Sabrina pleaded.
“We can’t climb that tree, it’s too big,” Chloe said. They tried to poke it with their crutches but couldn’t reach it. “Oh no! Our crutches are too short!”
“No, WE’RE too short,” Zoe said. Then she realized something and turned as best she could to face the camera. “Hey Adrien’s mom, can you get that for us? Please?”
“I’d be delighted to, children, I didn’t ask earlier because I didn’t want to interfere if you didn’t want me to.” The camera was set on the ground. “Now be careful, that camera is very delicate.” Chloe handed her crutch to a figure revealed to be Emilie Agreste, healthy and hale and the camerawoman the entire time. Using the crutch she was able to reach the branch where the toy had been thrown; Zoe caught it with her hand.
“There you go, Sabrina!” Zoe said cheerfully as she returned the toy to its owner. Sabrina sniffled at the gesture and hugged the twins, who quickly hugged her back.
“I’m glad you’re happy now, Sabrina,” Emilie said as she returned the crutch and reshouldered the camera. “Now why don’t we tell your teacher about what Capucine did to your monkey?” Sabrina nodded shyly while Chloe grinned in a way that just SCREAMED “revenge time”.
And the twins have helped me in turn by helping me understand my duty to my city. The people in a city live together much like Chloe and Zoe live with each other, conjoined by a social contract that affects how they eat, sleep, and play. For Paris to operate at her fullest potential we Parisians must be able to compromise and communicate with each other. Otherwise, much like the twins would be unable to truly walk, Paris would never be able to move forwards.
The twins are still very young, and they have a lot to learn about the world. But they have much that they can teach us in return – not just about biology, but about compassion, about empathy, and about love. One day I hope they’ll be able to see this for themselves. The end card appeared. “Y’know, Chloe, it can be hard living our lives, and I know we don’t always agree on stuff, but…I like sharing a body with you,” Zoe said. “I like sharing a body with you too,” Chloe replied. They leaned their heads together until they were touching and watched the credits roll.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Alright, everyone! Sound off with your username, city, and a personal fact!” Sparrow said. “My name is Sparrow, I’m in NYC, and I’ve broken six skateboards in one year.” Marinette hummed a bit; so that unfamiliar accent was English. Good to know. “Oof,” CeriseBianca giggled. “Anyway, hey, my name is CeriseBianca, I’m in Naples, and I have three moms: my bio-mom, my step-mom, and my godmother who is so obviously pining for the other two and the other two are pining for her and they never say it because they get nervous every time they try it and it makes me want to scream.” “I hope they get the bravery to sort their feelings out soon,” Marinette chuckled. “I’m NeedleMistress, I’m in Paris, and when I was six I believed that there was a ‘Knitting Fairy’ that gave you knitting supplies if you put a button under your pillow. I was so disappointed when I found out that she doesn’t exist.” This earned her a round of laughter from her friends, including from a new voice. “That’s us covered,” Sparrow said. “LadyDragon8, why don’t you introduce yourself to the stream since this is your first time here?” “Hi everyone,” said the new voice, her accent similar to Sabine’s. “I’m LadyDragon8, I’m in Shanghai, and I taught myself five different styles of kung fu because I was bored.” “Mood,” Marinette said approvingly. “Anyway, are we all ready? Does everyone have their subtitles of choice on?” “Yep.” “Sure do.” “Roll the bald guy already!” Laughter as Marinette clicked on something on her laptop, showing an online KIDZ+ broadcast that she was streaming to her friends.“Welcome back to KIDZ+'s #1 live gameshow: The Challenge, where everyday people get the rich and famous to do some cool tricks! Let's give it up for our first awesome contestant, Nino Lahiffe of College Francoise Dupont!” Alec Cataldi announced. As the camera turned to face Nino the older man muttered “Still can’t believe I got demoted to gameshow host…” “Dudes! Hello!” Nino greeted the live studio audience. “Let me introduce myself to you all. I’m Nino Lahiffe, I work as a DJ for birthday parties in my neighborhood, and I made an award-winning short film with my amazing & awesome classmates!” “Nice to meet you, Nino. What will your challenge be?” “I’m gonna get the mayor to dance!” “I don’t dance, so this will be a challenge,” Andre said as he came onto the stage. Nino grinned deviously. “Don’t be too sure.” “Begin!” Alec announced. Nino took out his phone and cued up one of his songs. Andre tried to resist but quickly gave in and started dancing in an unusual way.Tom nearly dropped the laundry when he heard a sudden peal of raucous laughter coming from his daughter’s bedroom. “Whoa!” “Your daughter’s livestreaming with her online friends,” Tikki said as she phased through the wall while munching on a pink macaron. “Oh. Hey, wait a minute, is that macaron from today’s batch?” “No, of course not! It’s one of the stale ones from last week that you haven’t gotten around to chucking yet, it’s hard as a rock and I don’t want you to break a tooth on it.” “Oh, okay. Thanks for looking out for us, Tikki.” “It’s what I do,” she shrugged as she phased through another wall. “I am never going to get used to her phasing through stuff,” he sighed.The Bourgeois twins stared at their TV in disbelief. “That is…I know he wanted to make it up for being akumatized somehow, but this?!” Zoe cried. “At least you can dance with your fancy two legs,” Chloe grumbled. “Yeah, well, at least you can do the Macarena with your whole two arms!” Chloe sighed. “Look, I don’t wanna fight you, can we just agree that Daddy shouldn’t be allowed to dance ever?” “Oh, no argument there!”“Well done, Nino! You get to come back here next week!” Nino beamed and raced off the stage, Andre staggering away in exhaustion. “And now, for our next contestant please welcome professional magician Simon Grimault!” A slender man with curly brown hair came onstage. “H-hello,” he said bashfully. “Now, Mr. Grimault, you said on your application that you’re a hypnotist. You use your tricks to hypnotize people to get what you want from them. Is that right?” “Well, yes, I'm a hypnotist, but, uh, I wouldn’t put it like that, that just makes me sound like a criminal,” Simon corrected him meekly. “Well, let’s see how tricky you can get! What’s your challenge?” “I’m going to see if I can get Gabriel Agreste to tell me where his card is.” “Unfortunately, Mr. Grimault, Gabriel will not be attending,” Nathalie said as she came onstage. “Hello, I’m Nathalie Sancoeur, Gabriel’s assistant. Gabriel is currently attending a meeting with his investors, so I came here in his stead.” “Oh. Well, I might as well try my trick anyway, it is a new one.” Simon produced a deck of cards and took out the Ace of Spades. “Ms. Sancoeur, I’m going to turn around and you’re going to put this card into one of your pockets, don’t tell me which one. You in the audience shouldn’t tell me either.” He turned around and Nathalie stuffed the card into her right rear pants pocket. Simon turned back around and produced a steel pocketwatch on a chain. “Alright, Ms. Sancoeur, Alec and I are going to ask you some simple questions. Focus on my watch while we speak.” “Okay,” she nodded as she focused on the swinging watch. “What’s your favorite color?” “Dark blue, although red’s a close second.” “What’s your sign?” Alec asked, looking rather excited. “Capricorn.” “What’s your favorite food?” Simon asked. “Almond-meal cake with raspberry jam.” “Where were you born?” Alec asked, looking very excited by now. “Paris, 7th Arrondissement.” “What’s your favorite season?” Simon asked. “Winter,” she said, clearly relaxed. “Is Gabriel Agreste your boyfriend?!” Alec blurted out. The audience gasped. Nathalie awoke and glared at Alec. “Mr. Cataldi, that is an entirely inappropriate question. And no, he isn’t. First of all, I have zero attraction to Gabriel Agreste, nor he to I. Second of all, he’s my employer and such a relationship would be inappropriate and unprofessional. Third of all, he’s still legally married to his wife, and fourth of all may I remind you that said wife is currently in an irreversible coma and he’s still grieving her?!” She removed the card from her pocket and returned it to Simon. “Here’s your card, I’m done with this show.” She marched away furiously, slamming the door behind her. Simon turned around and glared at Alec. “What the heck, man?!” “Hey, we were all thinking it!” Alec protested. Simon clenched his fist, then up from the floor an akuma emerged and melted into the deck of cards. A puff of purple smog and Simon was now purple too, along with a few green bits. “Simon says you're lame! As lame as a duck!” He threw the King of Hearts at Alec, which stuck to his bald head and made him start quacking involuntarily. “VILLAIN!” someone screamed, starting a panicked rush for the doors. Simon laughed. “And now to get the rest of your enablers, Cataldi! Now to get my reveng–” TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY.Marinette’s stream groaned. “Damnit!” Sparrow swore. “Bugged by a bug!” “Yeah,” Marinette agreed. “Listen, girls, I think I might have to leave. It might not be safe to be up here if Mr. Grimault can mind-control people with his cards.” “That’s fine, Needlemistress, seeing a real supervillain on TV dampened my mood anyway,” LadyDragon8 replied. “We’ll see you next time.” “Bye,” CeriseBianca and Sparrow said. The stream ended. Marinette exhaled. “So much for my lazy Wednesday afternoon. I only get so many half-days, Hawk Moth, I even finished my homework early!” She sighed. “Fuck it, it’s not worth it.” She opened her trapdoor and said “Mama, Papa, I have work, I’ll be back in time for dinner.” “Be safe!” Tom called up. “And transform under the balcony where it’s harder to see!” “Thanks!” Marinette headed outside, ducked into the shade of her balcony, and summoned Tikki. “Tikki, we’ve got another mind control villain, it’s a magician who got akumatized. You ready?” Tikki nodded. “Good! Spots on!”Andre panted. “Are…they…gone?” he wheezed as he leaned against the studio’s wall. “Yes. And I did tell you to lay off the desserts ten years ago, Andre,” Nathalie observed. “Well I wasn’t about to drown my sorrows after Audrey left, Nathalie, the twins needed a better father than a drunk would’ve been.” He grimaced. “Why did Hawk Moth decide to attack today? And why here?” “That’s what I’d like to know,” she agreed, albeit for a very different reason. The Gorilla drove up to her in the Agreste limo. “Ah, Placide, thank you. I’ll see you around, Andre.” “You too, Nathalie.” She got in the car and left. Not long after, Andre’s own limo arrived. The twins spilled out. “Daddy!” Chloe cried as they helped him stand. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine, my flowers, but I’m not so sure about the rest of the crowd. Your classmate was in there and I didn’t see him come out.” “Nino was on the show today!” Zoe remembered. “We gotta get him out before–” “No need, girls!” Ladybug burst through the doors with Nino slung over her shoulders. “Nino’s a-okay!” “I am very fine with this,” Nino said, blushing a little as Ladybug set him down. “Okay dudettes, here’s what you gotta know–” “We were watching the show, Lahiffe, we saw it happen,” Chloe interrupted him. “Oh! That saves me some trouble. He’s going after the studio heads, he must be on the upper floors. The akuma’s in his card…oh shit, I don’t know which card it’s in.” “Then I’ll just Cataclysm the entire deck,” Chat said after vaulting in. “Sorry I’m late, civvie-kitty had sports practice.” “No sweat, dudette, I’m glad you came at all! Hey Mr. Mayor, can I bum a ride? I don’t know if my parents will be able to pick me up here since, y’know, villain.” “That’s alright, Mr. Lahiffe, I’ll let you get your bearings at City Hall while you wait for your parents to pick you up,” Andre replied. “But no more weirdly catchy music, alright? I think I pulled my spleen with that last funky chicken.” “...the what?” “Ask your mother.” Nino and Andre got into Andre’s limo and rolled away. “Girls, what I’m about to ask might be very tricky,” Ladybug cautioned. “Bring it on!” Zoe smirked. “We can do anything!” Chloe boasted. “You have to babysit Alec Cataldi while Chat and I find Mr. Grimault.” “FUCK!”Chloe grimaced as she watched Alec quack around the stage while flapping his arms. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. He’s larping as a duck.” “How do you know what larping is?” Zoe asked before gasping and glaring at her. “Wait…so you weren’t asleep during the Wizardy Wizard Movie?!” “Not for that part I wasn’t. Anyway, babysitting Cataldi will be easier if he’s not acting like a duck, and I think that card on his head is the reason why he’s acting like one.” The twins walked over and leaned down so Chloe could peel the card off Alec’s head. “Ew, gross,” she cringed as Alec snapped back to his old self…and then she started quacking and flapping her arms, the card now stuck to her right palm. “Uh-oh,” Zoe gulped. “The cards are cursed. Uh, Mr. Cataldi, you wouldn’t happen to have a glove or something in your pockets, would you?” “I have a napkin,” Alec said, producing one from his pocket. “Um…do you want me to get that card off her hand? I’m not sure you can reach that far.” “I can’t, so please do!” Alec wrapped his right hand with the napkin and grabbed Chloe’s wrist with his left, peeling the card off and wrapping it in the napkin. Chloe snapped back to normal. “What happened?” “You larped as a duck,” Zoe replied. Chloe paled. “Yeah, it was hilarious!” Alec guffawed. “Mr. Cataldi, with all due respect…stop talking.” Alec gasped at Zoe’s brazenness, but she continued. “Your inability to keep your thoughts to yourself directly caused Mr. Grimault’s akumatization today, and you’re lucky Ms. Sancouer wasn’t akumatized instead. Not to mention the fact that your lack of a filter also caused our friend Aurore’s akumatization, in case you forgot. Do you know what it’s like for her now? Practically every adult flees from her! Her own parents still look at her funny!” “What about Nadja Chamack?” Alec asked. “Oh, Ms. Chamack forgave her since she knew Aurore didn’t mean to put Manon in an ice dome – because she was aiming at a stand selling balloons with your face on them.” “We’re asking you to think before you speak because you might wind up akumatizing someone a third time if you’re not more careful,” Chloe finished. Alec didn’t have anything to say to that. “Anyway, did we learn anything useful here?” “Yeah, don’t touch the cards barehanded,” Zoe replied. “They’re still magical even if they’re not stuck to anyone. Now let’s go tell the heroes…without Hawk Moth finding out our involvement. Crudmonkeys.” “What if we used TV?” Alec asked. “And, uh, I won’t say your names if you don’t want me to say them.” “Thanks, Mr. Cataldi. What did you have in mind?”“Simon says you’re a gorilla!” The Two of Clubs flew onto an executive in the boardroom and he started acting like a gorilla. “Simon says march like a soldier!” Another executive was hit with the Jack of Diamonds, picked up a broom, and started marching around like the broom was a bayonet. “Simon says take a shower!” A woman with the Nine of Spades stuck to her nose removed the bottle from a water cooler and dumped its contents onto her head, the card magically staying on her face. Simon laughed sadistically at the scene. “Yes, yes! You made money off laughing at people, now I laugh at YOU!” Watching Simon from the safety of a cubicle, Ladybug and Chat Noire tried to strategize. “So, water won’t remove the cards, meaning we can’t use it to deprive Simon of an army,” Chat frowned. “Especially if he decides to draft more executives. It’ll have to be mechanical force, and I’m not confident about how close we can get to any of his victims without getting hurt.” “There is some good news, though,” Ladybug said. “I noticed that his deck isn’t regenerating the lost cards, it’s half the size of a full one by now and shrinking fast. He must only be able to use his cards on fifty-two people.” “Fifty-one,” Chat corrected. “Nino said that one of them has the akuma in it, so he wouldn’t be able to use that one on someone else.” Ladybug gasped. “And I think I just figured out which card it is! I was watching the show myself and Ms. Sancoeur got the Ace of Spades, it was a rude question that Mr. Cataldi asked her that got Mr. Grimault akumatized in the first place. If Hawk Moth was watching when she showed the card to the camera, that might’ve been the card he chose to put the moth in.” She frowned. “But why would a grown man watch KIDZ+? I– oh right, he has a son.” Suddenly, a TV mounted on the wall came to life after displaying a technical difficulties card for the last half-hour. “Hello, world! I’m Alec Cataldi of KIDZ+!” Alec grinned. “We’ve got an akumatized villain at the studio today! His name is Simon Says, and he can force people to act in funny ways by sticking a card on them! Now, I have a card in this napkin, it’s very sticky and–” When Alec touched the card with his fingers he started acting like a duck again. Ladybug grimaced. “Shit. The cards can still affect you even if they’re removed. At least they seem to require direct skin contact to work, with our gloves we’ll be able to handle them safely.” Chat looked up and gulped. “Um, Milady?” “Yeah?” “Chat Noire says run like heck!” Ladybug looked up too, saw Simon staring at them, and scrambled out of the cubicle alongside her partner. “Sorry, kids, but Simon Says has plans for you!” Simon grinned as he flicked the Three of Diamonds at Chat Noire’s hair, which stuck. “Simon says beat up your partner!” Chat’s feet dug into the floor as she summoned her staff and swept Ladybug’s legs out from under her. “Sorry!” she winced as Ladybug fell to the floor. Ladybug got up. “I’m also so, so sorry, kitty, but it needs to be done.” She summoned all four yo-yos and slung them at the blonde, hoping to wrap her up, only for Chat to dodge them all. “Uh-oh, I think you’ve gotten a boost to your reflexes.” “Looks like iiiIIIT!” Chat yelped as she nearly took Ladybug’s antennas off with her claws. “Sorry!” A missed headbutt. “Sorry!” A whack to the hips with Chat’s staff. “Sorry!” “Wait a minute, Simon’s getting away! This is a diversion!” Ladybug said as she dodged another swipe of Chat’s claws. “Time to end this! Lucky Charm!” She got a pair of scissors. “Of course! Chat, gimme your head!” “I think I’m gonna give it to you anyway!” Chat cried as she charged at Ladybug. Ladybug grabbed the catgirl’s head with three hands, holding her in place, and while Chat involuntarily tried to push her to the floor Ladybug snipped the lock with the card stuck to it, freeing her partner. “There!” “Thanks, milady! Simon’s going to pay for what he made me do to my lovely partner! You stay here and try to take off the cards stuck to the execs before they try to take you out, I don’t trust that soldier.” The executive acting like a soldier looked their way. “Good idea, kitty.” Chat raced off and Ladybug touched her hip, which still hurt from getting whacked. “She called me lovely…also, ow ow ow ow ow OW!”Simon cackled. “Ah, yes, glorious mayhem! Glorious PAYBACK! Paris at my command! Say, I could use my cards on the mayor! The regional council! The PRESIDENT!” “Sorry, Simon, but you’re not getting France in trouble with the UN!” Chat retorted as she swung her staff at his back, sending him to the floor. “THAT’S for making me hit my partner you jerk!” Simon groaned. “Ugh…” “Huh, Hawk Moth enhanced your speed but not your toughness. Anyway, let’s get that card…” Chat trailed off when she saw the cards spilled on the floor. “Aw, dangit! I hate Fifty-two Pickup!” She started looking over the cards, trying to find the Ace of Spades. “Five of Hearts…King of Diamonds…Four of Clubs…Ace of Diamonds…King of Clubs…Queen of Spades…Seven of Hearts…” While she was distracted, Simon shakily got to his feet. Picking up the card nearest to him, the Six of Diamonds, he growled and sent it flying in the air. “Simon says STOP!” Chat’s fake ears flicked and she turned in the direction of the card. On reflex she screamed “CATACLYSM!”, and the card disintegrated when it hit her palm. Looking at her feet, she saw the Ace of Spades lying next to the Eight of Hearts and Ten of Clubs. “Yes!” She picked up the card and ripped it in half, exhaling in relief when the akuma left it. Her staff opened up and seared the corruption off the moth, which fluttered away. “Chat, did you do it?” Ladybug asked, fluttering over with the scissors in hand. “Yeah, I did. Now dispense the Cure and let’s get outta here before we time out!” Ladybug’s ears beeped the three-minute warning. “Shit. We’re too far upstairs, we’ll never get out before we detransform.” “Uh, Ms. Ladybug?” The heroines turned around to see the executive formerly acting like a gorilla turn their way. “There’s a breakroom in case you need to recharge, I heard that your magic stuff needs food to replenish itself.” “Thanks, sir,” Ladybug nodded. “We’ll check it out. Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure repaired the studio, turned Simon back to his normal complexion, and restored every last card in the deck. The girls raced off to the breakroom. (To the girls’ relief the breakroom had some oatmeal raisin cookies and brie in the refrigerator, and after taking the food they went into the bathrooms to detransform and recharge. Plagg gave a withering stare to the brie but ate it anyway; after all, Chat was only retransforming to go outside, not fight.)Nathalie approached Gabriel in his atelier. “Gabriel? Did you really akumatize Simon Grimault just to pay Alec Cataldi out for his rude remark?” “Of course I did,” Gabriel scoffed. “Wasn’t it obvious? I’m not about to let the closest thing I have to a sister be treated like that, least of all on live television.” “I appreciate you looking out for me, but what about your investors? Shouldn’t they have taken priority?” “The meeting ended a lot earlier than expected,” he replied. “Adrien wasn’t the only one with a half-day today, it seems.” “I see. Well, be that as it may it would still be a good idea to look over our stock.” “Already planning to. Lock up after I’m gone, if you wouldn’t mind.” Gabriel left his lair. Nathalie heard a loud sip from the corner of the room and rolled her eyes. “What do you want, Nooroo?” she asked as she turned around to face the insectoid god. “An answer,” Nooroo replied after finishing his tea. “Why do you stand with Gabriel? You know that using my power this way is wrong, and you know that the Wish could – no, will have unintended consequences. So why go to all this trouble?” “We don’t have the time nor resources to find any alternatives, Nooroo. That’s why we haven’t pursued other Miraculous-based or Earth magic-based cures for Emilie’s condition.” She sighed. “As for me personally, it’s because of Duusu.” Nooroo’s eyes watered at the mention of his sister. “Duusu?” “I didn’t object to Gabriel and Emilie using her power to create Adrien, they had so much trouble conceiving and Emilie’s parents were still involved with her life at the time, they would’ve caused trouble if they found out about Emilie’s fertility issues. But then Tomoe and Asakura Tsurugi learned of the Peafowl, and they wanted a child too so Tomoe’s father wouldn’t ruin her either. I didn’t object to that even though I should’ve; how could we trust them to keep quiet? And then Colt Fathom found out about Duusu; he hated magic but feared being perceived as less manly if he couldn’t get Amelie pregnant more. I should’ve absolutely objected to him using the Peafowl, I should’ve pushed Gabriel and Emilie away from bending to his will…but I let them loan Duusu to him because Emilie wanted her sister to be happy, and I wanted that as well.” Nooroo understood. “You blame yourself for Duusu’s Tragedy?” “I blame myself for letting three families get involved instead of just one. Because I wouldn’t stand up for Gabriel like he’s stood up for me, Colt Fathom died and left a broken son behind. And although Asakura Tsurugi died in a car accident, given that he’d been the one to use the Peafowl his days were likely numbered anyway. I don’t know how his daughter turned out, but given what Tomoe’s father was like she’s likely broken too in some way.” Nathalie exhaled. “My inaction led to so many broken lives, Nooroo…so I have to help Gabriel fix them. Does that answer your question?” “It does,” Nooroo exhaled. “I may not like the answer, but it’s the answer all the same. Take care of yourself, Nathalie. I mean it.” Nathalie nodded and left the lair, locking it up as Gabriel had asked of her.“We didn’t get to do that much today,” Chloe frowned. “I mean, we had no idea where the hell Mr. Grimault was in that building.” “We’ll get another chance to be more involved, Chlo,” Zoe replied gently. “Especially since we’re due for another lesson from Mr. Fu. We’ve met Orikko before so we know how his power works, so I don’t think being superpowered hens will be that much of an issue for us.” Chloe hummed. “Yeah, it seems like there’s a new akuma released every time we try out a new Miraculous. You’re probably right. But something about today still bothers me.” “What is it?” “Mr. Grimault got akumatized after Alec Cataldi said something stupid to Ms. Sancouer. Normally I’d just say that Hawk Moth was looking for the nearest source of indignation, but he got akumatized like, seconds after the remark was made.” Zoe frowned. “Huh, that is odd. Do you think Hawk Moth might’ve been someone at KIDZ+? Or at the very least someone who lives nearby?”“Maybe. But the fact that it involved Ms. Sancouer specifically makes me wonder if Hawk Moth isn’t a relative of hers looking to defend her honor, or maybe her actual boyfriend. Or someone else she’s friends with.” She hummed. “Maybe we did something important after all, sis. Maybe we did something important after all.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Today you’ll be trying out the powers of the Chicken Miraculous,” Fu said as he handed the Bourgeois twins Orikko’s ring. “Since you’ve already met Orikko I don’t think he’ll need to explain his powers to you.” “You could explain them to me, I’VE never met the bird,” Alix remarked. “Supernatural enhancement of any one of your natural abilities,” Ladybug explained. “For example, you’re pretty fast already, but Orikko’s power of Sublimation could make you able to run at a hundred kilometers an hour. His weapon’s a bow with a quiver of infinite arrows whose heads are made of magic and don’t hurt you.” “Damn,” Alix whistled while Orikko materialized in a flash of yellow-orange light. “That sounds awesome.” “At ease, private!” Orikko saluted. The tomboy burst out laughing. “Oh my god he’s a tiny little drill sergeant!” “Do you think this is funny, whippersnapper?!” Orikko barked as he suddenly got up in her face. “This is no laughing matter, pinky! This is a matter of life and death right here!” “Ease up on our girlfriend, Orikko,” Chloe said sternly. “Girlfriend? Oh, well, congratulations. But girlfriend or not this pink-haired one could stand to respect authority a little more than she does!” “Not every authority is nice, Orikko,” Ladybug gently reminded him. “I’m aware, Ladybug. But as a Kwami my authority is inherently benevolent, so I do expect her to take my words seriously!” “Just be cool with me, Orikko, and I’ll be cool with you. Got it?” Alix asked. “Now that is a compromise I can accept. What are you girls doing for training today?” “After my parents found out about my secret identity they’ve been giving me some meditation techniques to help me focus more,” Ladybug said. “My father doesn’t know about me and I don’t plan to tell him,” Chat said. “But I do have plans to work out in my room for a bit.” “The twins and I are goin’ on a gym date, after that we’re going to Sweetheart’s to spoil our appetites before dinner,” Alix said. “You’re getting ice cream in November?” Ladybug questioned. “We had cravings,” Zoe shrugged. “Say Alix, is Fluff coming along today?” “Fluff has training of her own today, Zoe,” Fu replied. “Her Miraculous was lost during the fall of the monastery and has been dormant ever since, so I’m teaching her about all the history that she’s missed…or may not have missed. Hard to tell with her. You may leave. Have fun with your various training sessions and dates.” The five girls nodded and left. “Say, Master Fu?” Wayzz asked at last, having been quiet the whole time. “The name ‘Sweetheart’s’ in relation to ice cream…that sounds familiar to me.” “Does it?” Fu asked. “Do you know why?” “Not at the moment, but I’m sure it’ll come to me eventually.”Alix did bicep curls with a 5-kilo weight inside the gym before setting it down. “Hoof… dang, Max was right, my upper arm strength is the pits. Speaking of which.” She sniffed under her arms and made a face. “Yeah, I’m gonna wash up in the showers before we leave.” “Are you sure it’s a good idea to take a shower in this weather? You could get a cold,” Chloe said from a nearby cable machine. “Chloe, that’s a myth,” Zoe corrected her. “You don’t get a cold from being cold, you need to be close to someone who has a virus. Being cold just makes it more likely for the virus to get you.” “Huh. But regardless, Alix, you’ll get cold, and you’re small so that might be worse for you. Just wash your face and armpits with a towel and change your shirt, you can do the rest later. It’ll take less time to dry and we can get ice cream earlier.” “Alright, but how much of a line could there be at an ice cream shop in the fall anyway?” Alix asked.“Okay, that is one really big line.” Indeed, the line for Sweetheart’s Ice Cream led out of the store and onto the sidewalk. “What’s even the draw here?” “You mean you don’t know?” scoffed the older boy in front of them. “They say that Mr. Glace’s got a new way of selling ice cream! Besides finding the flavor that your heart truly desires at the moment, he’s now able to find the kind that best reflects what you love! And that could be anything you love: your girlfriend, your sister, your father, your cat, your favorite food, your favorite color, your country…your…you have two–” “Zip it,” Chloe said crossly. The boy zipped it. “If it can be favorite food-based…oh god, I’d have to smell your fish-flavored ice cream burps,” Zoe said as she made a face. “I wouldn’t eat fish ice cream, Zoe. The store wouldn’t have it in stock anyway, he’d probably just give me something with honey in it if he went for my favorite food,” Chloe replied. “Let’s hope.” The line shuffled in by one as a girl left the shop with a cone of bright orange ice cream. “Well, at least we know what her favorite color is,” Alix remarked, the twins nodding in agreement.Andre Glace (not to be confused with Andre Bourgeois) smiled as he exited the room in the rear of the shop and handed a man a cone colored a blended mix of brown and white. “Coffee with vanilla, your favorite morning drink.” “Thanks, Mr. Glace,” the man said as he paid and took the cone. “I missed my morning coffee and I’ve been craving a replacement all day.” “I know, the ice cream told me,” Glace chuckled. The man was confused by this but shrugged it off and left the shop. “Next customer, please?” A blonde woman in a gray suit and red cat’s-eye glasses slapped a piece of paper on his counter. “Health inspector, Mr. Glace,” she said sternly. “We’re shutting you down.” “Whatever for? My shop is completely clean!” Glace asked, confused. Indeed, his shop was impeccably clean. “And I always clean my utensils between customers!” He showed her his scoop, which was spotless like it’d just come out of its packaging. “That’s just it, Glace. No one knows how you clean them. So until you tell me every last method you use to clean them I’m going to close you down right now.” “Oh my god!” the woman behind the inspector exclaimed, a towering figure with short black hair. “You can’t do that! You’d need a court order and a warrant or something!” “Miss, with all due respect, which one of us has the badge?” the inspector asked snootily. “I can shut him down however I want for however long I want.” Glace swallowed while sweating bullets. “It’s, uh…well, the thing is…” And it was at that exact moment that an akuma phased through the window and made a beeline (or mothline in its case) for his scoop. “I doubt your claim of cleanliness, Glace,” the inspector said when she saw the moth. “That’s an akuma you dumbass!” the woman behind her exclaimed. “Paris is full of them these days! And you just brought one here!” “Akuma?” the inspector asked, unfamiliar with the term. “Isn’t that Japanese for ‘demon’?” She saw a puff of purple smog and turned around to see that Glace had been replaced with a pulsating mass of vanilla ice cream. “What?” “Run!” the woman shrieked, causing the line behind her to turn into a blob as the would-be patrons fled the store. The inspector followed them out, still confused, and that’s when the ice cream flowed out of the store like an amoeba before reshaping itself into a thirty-foot-tall snowman. The crowd gasped and huddled together. Two cherry eyes narrowed at the health inspector. “YOU WILL PAY!” he roared before firing ice cream from his fingerless strawberry hands at the inspector faster than she could move, freezing her in place with a puddle of raspberry at her feet. A chocolate tentacle snaked out of his left hand and swiped her wallet, the case swallowed up by his milky flesh. “EVERYONE WILL PAY FOR GLACIATOR!” After he stomped off to steal more wallets the twins grimaced. “So much for our third date,” Chloe grumbled. “Are you kidding? This is the BEST kind of third date!” Alix cried excitedly. “Not that I’ve ever been on one before.” “Well, we can’t reveal our hand to Hawk Moth, so we’ll have to find out what set Mr. Glace off,” Zoe said. “Call the girls and tell them that training time is over.”“We came here as fast as we could,” Ladybug said as she and Chat touched down. “What happened? Why is there ice cream everywhere?” “Speaking of which, we should probably get that cleaned up before it freezes and someone slips,” Chat remarked, doing her best to scrape a piece of vanilla off the road with her staff. “Mr. Glace was akumatized into a giant ice cream snowman,” Zoe explained. “Oh no, poor guy,” Ladybug said mournfully. “My dad proposed to my mom at Sweetheart’s, they told me that Mr. Glace is, well, y’know, a sweetheart. Who could’ve made him so upset he’d get akumatized?” “Why don’t we ask the lady with ice cream on her feet?” Chat suggested as she walked towards the health inspector, who was furiously scrubbing her pumps with a wet wipe. “You uh, you don’t have to scrub so hard, miss, the Ladybug Cure will fix them right up.” The inspector looked up and groaned. “Oh, what now? Is there a bondage convention around here somewhere?” “Uh…no. I’m Chat Noire, a superhero.” Chat whispered “What’s ‘bondage’?” to Ladybug. “I’ll explain when you’re older.” Ladybug approached the inspector. “Ma’am, I’m Ladybug, another superhero and Chat Noire’s partner in fighting supernatural crime. We were called here because of a magical disturbance that only we can resolve in full.” “Magic?” the inspector scoffed as she put her shoes back on. “There’s no such thing as–” “Weren’t you just attacked by a man who turned into a nine-meter-tall giant made of ice cream after getting possessed by a moth?” Ladybug asked flatly. “Also, I can do this.” She spread her wings and started beating them until she was flying lazy circles around the inspector. “Magic exists, ma’am, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. Now what made Mr. Glace so upset that he got akumatized?” “I’LL tell you what happened!” The woman who’d been in line behind the inspector marched towards the heroines. “Camille Bruel, I came here looking to see if there was anything new on the menu. This woman right here threatened to shut down Sweetheart’s for unspecified health code violations that she provided no evidence of existing. He got akumatized when she said that she could have him shut down indefinitely unless he told her his secrets and he got frightened.” “Is this true?” Ladybug asked as she landed. “No one knows how he cleans his shop!” the inspector snapped. “Sue me for thinking there’s a mess back there!” “Relax, lady, we can check it out no problem,” Alix said casually. “And you are?” the inspector sniffed. “Uh…she’s one of our deputies,” Chat said. “Yeah, we deputize civilians sometimes. It’s a whole thing. Anyway, Ms. Bruel, did you see the akumatization itself?” “Yes, I did,” Camille nodded. “The moth possessed his scoop. After he came outside he stole this inspector’s wallet and said that he’ll make the world pay for him. I believe he means that literally.” “Thanks, Ms. Bruel, we’ll take that to heart,” Ladybug said. “Think nothing of it. My son was the first person that Hawk Moth corrupted, and you saved him from himself. It’s only fair that I repaid the favor today. Also, he went east, you can follow the vanilla footprints.” Ladybug and Chat Noire saluted and followed the footprints away. “No, seriously, who are you?” the inspector asked Alix. “Like I gotta tell you,” Alix scoffed “The nerve! I am Inspector Adelaide Cellier of the DDPP and I do not take orders from children!” “Funny you say that, because that child happens to be our girlfriend.” Adelaide’s eyes widened as Chloe and Zoe walked over and stared her down. “Chloe and Zoe Bourgeois, daughters of Andre Bourgeois, Mayor of Paris,” Chloe said firmly. “And I think he’d be very interested in knowing why you came here alone to harass a businessowner with no reported violations.” Adelaide swallowed and tugged at her collar. “W-well…just because there’s no violation yet doesn’t mean there won’t be one…” “Ma’am, please step aside,” Zoe said. “We’re taking this case into our own hands. C’mon, Alix, let’s get snooping.” “About time!” Alix said as she followed the twins into Sweetheart’s. “Alix…as in Alix Kubdel, daughter of the Director of Egyptian Antiquities Department OF THE LOUVRE?!” Adelaide gasped. “Yeah, my son goes to school with her and the twins,” Camille said casually. Adelaide fainted. “Wow. Wuss.”“Can you believe her?” Chloe asked. “Why the hell would you want to shut down a place this clean?! I could eat off these floors! Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” “Hm…that is kinda weird, though,” Zoe frowned. “You’d think that a place like this would have staff cleaning everything, but everything looks like there’s only one guy running it.” “Girls, I found a thingy in the back!” Alix called. The twins hobbled over and saw Alix pointing at a glowing blue orb mounted on a steel plate on the wall. “No idea what it is, but I think it might be magic!” “Let’s call Orikko, he’ll know what it is,” Zoe said. “Hopefully, at least.” Chloe nodded and squeezed the Chicken Miraculous gracing her left thumb. Orikko materialized in a puff of yellow-orange smoke and the smell of wet straw. “Orikko, how much do you know about magic?” “Stompp is the resident expert on Earthen magicks and Wayzz is the resident expert on Kwami magicks, but I happen to know a thing or two about magic and enchanted objects myself!” Orikko declared. He flew over and inspected the orb. “Yes, yes, I know exactly what this is! This is a hearthsweeper, I haven’t seen one of these things in 180 years! It cleans the chosen hearth by transmuting any undesired grime and dust into pure magical energy before eventually converting it into any stone of the user’s choosing! They’re perfectly safe for human use, this technology’s been tried and proven for well over two thousand years!” “That explains all those river rocks,” Chloe said, nudging a plastic tub on the floor that was a quarter-full of egg-shaped gray stones about the size of plums. “So he uses this thing to clean his shop without needing to hire anybody?” “Indeed he does! Now, hearthsweepers usually only have a very small amount of magic in them, so they normally only work when the user is alone in the hearth. However, as the Kwami of Pretension I’m able to give these things a little kick.” He formed fingers at the ends of his hands so he could crack his knuckles, then reabsorbed his fingers and kicked the orb while his right foot glowed orange. The hearthsweeper hummed and the girls watched as the dirt tracked inside by their footprints was invisibly erased. “Now, because I used Pretension on my own something else within range will have to lose its pretensions.”“I can SO outrun a panther, Max!” Kim declared. “No you can’t, a ‘panther’ or melanistic leopard can run at speeds of up to fifty-eight kilometers an hour,” Max replied. “Your top speed is sixteen.” Kim suddenly glowed orange a bit and his posture relaxed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…wait, did I just say that?” “Yes, you did,” Max said, visibly concerned. “Are you alright?” “No idea. Maybe I need to lie down.”“Okay, so this shop is cleaned by magic, and it’s perfectly harmless magic to boot,” Zoe finiished. “Alright, we need a plan to get Mr. Glace deakumatized. Ivan’s mom said that the akumatized item was a scoop, but I didn’t see one. Or him.” Alix’s phone buzzed. “Ladyblog update. We have visuals.” She showed the twins a picture of Mr. Glace stealing five wallets at once using ice cream tentacles, Chat’s staff sticking out of his head. “Everything he steals ends up inside of his body,” Chloe gagged. “Gross. And that means Chat Noire can’t use Cataclysm to get the item since that could mean killing Mr. Glace.” “Wait…Orikko, you can enhance things. Could you make us cold-proof?” Zoe asked. “Negative, private. Remember, I can’t give you supernatural powers,” Orikko said. “But I can enhance your body temperature enough so you can’t get frostbite!” “That’s good enough for me! C’mon, Chloe, let’s bird it up!” “SUNRISE!” The twins transformed. Their costume was primarily yellow-orange with a redder shade of orange used for the fluffy triangular ruffs covering their necks and the balaclavas covering their heads save for a few loose strands of blue hair, each balaclava tapering to a beige point above their noses and possessing a floppy red crest arching over the midlines of their skulls. Collapsible feathers grew from their arms while their sashes were tied in a way that it looked like they both had small tails. Their pants were bell-bottoms ending in fringes that obscured their white low-heeled boots, which ended in five sharp metal claws. Their eyes were brown and birdlike, and scaly white gloves completed the look. The quiver was on Zoe’s side while the bow was on Chloe’s. “Les Femmes Faverolles are on the case!” Zoe saluted. “Cover for us, Alix!” “You bet I will! Time to annoy a health inspector!” Alix saluted back.“This way, Glaciator!” Chat said as she lured Glace away from a main road onto a smaller alley. As he tried to follow her, he got stuck. “AHA! Now to remove your–” Glace simply changed shape and began sliming down the alley. “Oh COME ON!” “Chat, we’ve got a problem!” Ladybug called from above. “The police blocked most of the roads where Mr. Glace left ice cream but not all of them, and there’s a bus headed this way! I need to stop it before it comes!” “Alright, milady! You stop the bus! I’ll handle Mr. Glace! …would it be too much to ask for him to just drop the akumatized item on the ground?” Shaking her head, Chat scrambled after him.“So how long did it take to get you that badge?” Alix asked Adelaide. “Like I have to tell you!” Adelaide snapped. “C’mon, you made a big deal out of it when you arrived, I wanna know why. How much work did it take to get it?” “I did not make a ‘big deal’ out of it when I showed it, I simply wanted to use it as a symbol of my authority!” “I was bluffing when I said that! You mean you actually said ‘this is my badge, that means I’m smarter than you’?” Adelaide tried not to scream.Ladybug flew towards the bus and got next to it. She tapped on the window. “Excuse me? You need to stop, the road’s slippery!” “I’ll try, lady, but my brakes aren’t working right today! I can only slow down part of the way, I’ll need something to stop the rest!” the driver yelped. “Something to bleed off your momentum, then.” Ladybug swooped over the bus and shouted “LUCKY CHARM!” A harness appeared in her hands. “What?” She realized what the harness was for and groaned. “Oh, no. Let’s hope I don’t pull something.” The driver put on the brakes, but the bus’ forward momentum kept it rolling. Ladybug put the harness on, then aimed two of her yo-yos at the bus’ rear wheels. They quickly got tangled up in the axle, then Ladybug tied their strings to the harness. “Hope this bus isn’t stronger than me!” She grabbed the strings with all four of her hands and started flying backwards with all her might. “GAAAAH COCK MOTH I’M GONNA KILL YOU AND STUFF YOUR REMAINS INTO AN ICE CREAM CONE!” she screamed as the bus slowly came to a stop moments before it could slide on a creamy footprint. Ladybug unhooked the harness and fell from the sky, only for a feathered figure to throw her into the alley where Glace was with a magic arrow to the chest. “What?” “Sorry, Ladybug!” Zoe apologized as the twins jumped down in front of her. “It was the only way we knew to catch you and keep the world from seeing us.” “It’s okay, these arrowheads don’t damage anything,” Ladybug said as she removed the arrow. “Well, I always knew you were cute chicks, but this is getting out of all of my hands.” “Har-de-har-har, Ladykiller,” Chloe said while blushing. “We’re here to get the akumatized object. Is Chat keeping him busy?” “Yep! Do your thing, chicken wing!” Ladybug frowned. “Wow, Chat was right, I do need to work on my lines.” “Sublimation! Make us frostbite-proof!” The twins heated up and they charged at Glace before jumping into his body and wading into the ice cream. “I’ll have you know this is the second-grossest villain that Cock Moth’s ever made!” Chloe cringed. Her foot touched something heavy. “I think I found it!” She kicked it out and gasped when she saw the scoop magically clean itself. “So his equipment’s also enchanted…good to know.” The twins extended the feathers on their arms and flapped out of Glace’s body, using Chloe’s left arm to steer. With a few hops they found Chat keeping Glace’s head busy with ice cream puns. “I’m leading you down the rocky road!” Chat quipped. Chloe tossed the scoop at her. “And it looks like you’ve just been served! Cataclysm! Hat-cha!” The scoop turned into ash and the moth was quickly purified. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The cure fixed the road, turned Glace back into a man, returned the stolen wallets, and as promised removed the ice cream from Adelaide’s shoes – and everyone else’s.“I’ve been listening to this girl’s annoying questions for half an hour, you owe me an explanation,” Adelaide growled at Glace. Alix waved at her slyly. “Alright. Let me show you.” Glace picked up his scoop and showed her how he assembled a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Once he was done, he showed her how his scoop cleaned itself. Then he showed her the hearthsweeper and how it worked. “You’ve been using magic all this time?" Adelaide gasped. “Of course! There aren’t any laws about using magic, no wonder you wanted to hide it!” “It wasn’t that. Were there laws about it, I’d comply with them.” Glace sighed. “My grandparents were killed by the Nazis because they used magic. Their grandparents were killed by spies sent by the British Crown to eliminate magic-users around the world. My family’s cleaning spell has been in use since 1010 and it’s perfectly harmless, but because it wasn’t the proper kind of magic approved by the Pope everyone decided that it therefore had to be evil.” “…I see. I apologize for my hastiness. Since there seem to be no other potential health code violations, I won’t tell my superiors about what I did to you.” Adelaide handed him twenty euros. “Here. For the ice cream, and for the trouble I caused.” “Might take a lot more euros than twenty to pay that off,” Chloe snarked after Adelaide left with the bowl. “How are you feeling, Mr. Glace?” “Perfectly wonderful! It’s a pity that no one else has come back yet, but perhaps it’s better this way. Now I can reward Master Fu’s students in private!” He chuckled at the girls’ shocked expressions. “Your secret is safe with me, girls, Wang Fu is a family friend of mine.” “Wait, really?!” Alix asked. “Yes! After my grandparents were taken by the Nazis it was Fu who ensured that my mother was saved from their wrath and given a new family who loved her, magic and all. As for how I know the flavors you want…that’s a spell that I made up myself, and one that I won’t be telling Ms. Cellier about. Have to keep my brand, you know.” Glace waved his hands, and then he made them glow a soft pink while he waved them. “Yes, yes, I see…aha! You wished to have an ice cream date, the three of you? I know what you’d like to eat for it.” He went to the back and quickly assembled three desserts, then came out to present them to the girls, the ice creams telekinetically hovering in midair with tendrils of orange light connecting them to Andre’s hands. “For Miss Chloe, who loves her country, I give you the tricolor: blueberry, vanilla, and cherry,” he said as he handed Chloe a cone with the three flavors blended together to resemble the French flag. “For Miss Zoe, whose favorite fruit is banana and whose favorite color is pink, two scoops of banana with strawberry gummy bears, in a bowl-shaped waffle that she can eat with a spoon since she only has one hand and is likely anxious about dropping hers.” “Thanks a bunch, Mr. Glace! It’s so awkward for me to not be able to transfer my cone out of my hand if I need to!” Zoe exclaimed as he set her ice cream down on their table, a plastic spoon sticking out of it. “And for Miss Alix, the humble pistachio, the favorite flavor of her favorite woman,” Glace said as he handed Alix a cone of uniform green. Alix’s eyes watered. “That was my mom’s favorite ice cream flavor…i-it was the last thing that she could remember before…thank you.” “Thank you, my dear child,” Glace said with a bow. “Thank you for saving me from myself and keeping Ms. Cellier from interfering with my salvation. Although I must thank your friend Orikko too, and I have just the thing for him. Bring him here, please.” Chloe nodded and pressed the Chicken Miraculous with her left index finger. “General Glace! Good to see you!” Orikko saluted. “Good to see you too, old one,” Glace said warmly. He went to the back and came back out with a bowl of pink ice cream with toppings. “Strawberry ice cream with popcorn and crushed almonds, for you to recharge with.” “Tonight we celebrate our victory with the frozen reminder of human impermanence!” Orikko declared before digging into his food. “And luckily for me I can’t get brainfreeze!”
“Lucky you!” Zoe moaned while rubbing her left temple, having eaten her own ice cream just a little too fast. Glace handed her a glass of water. “Thanks.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Forsooth!” D’Argencourt barked one day in gym class. “Hawk Moth has let up on how often he makes akumas. This gives us a wonderful opportunity to exploit the blind spot in his flank!” “Come again?” Sabrina asked. Kim started laughing. “Don’t you start, Kim!” “I believe Mr. D’Argencourt means he wants to train us so we stand a better chance of avoiding serious injury from another villain,” Max explained. “Precisely, Sir Kante! After my akumatization it came to my attention that I’ve been slacking off on giving you self-defense training! Well, that will never do, so it’s high time I did! And as a fencing teacher I believe that the best way to help you get into shape will be to teach you some rudimentary fencing!” Mylene poked her chubby stomach. “That’s gonna take a lot of fencing,” she frowned. “Well, Lady Harprele, how about you go first? And Lady Couffaine, you can face her. Get in the center of the room and I’ll arm you.” The girls shrugged and stood in the center of the room. “Now, here are your ‘swords’, if you get three touches on your opponent you win,” D’Argencourt continued as he walked out of the room and came back with a cart of pool noodles. “This is just a test to see where your skills currently are, but be careful all the same. I don’t want Sissy to get mad at me if you get hurt.” Nino laughed. “Dude! Pool noodles! The funniest pool toy there is!” “As a pool lover myself I can verify that!” Kim guffawed. “Floppy and droopy!” “Why pool noodles? Wouldn’t a foam sword or something be a better thing to train us with?” Mylene questioned. “Because I do not trust some of you with swords,” D’Argencourt said darkly. Mylene looked at Kim and Nino, who were still laughing. “Yeah, that makes sense.” Juleka took a purple noodle while Mylene took a blue one. “Alright, ladies…on guard!” In a flurry of rapid whacks and slaps the two went at it. Juleka had better reach due to her height and Mylene’s stamina was naturally a bit on the poor side, so Juleka ultimately got the win. “Alright, very good Lady Couffaine. Lady Lavillant, you’re up!” Rose selected a pink noodle and waved at Juleka. “Hi!” Juleka smiled bashfully and gave Rose her own wave. “H-hey.” They started fighting. This time Rose was able to net the win despite being more frail, as she was faster and surer on her footing than Juleka was due to being smaller. She eventually got her third touch on the back of Juleka’s legs. “Good match, Juleka!” Rose cheered. Juleka gave her a thumbs-up and left. “Sir Bruel, you’re up!” D’Argencourt barked. Ivan picked a black noodle and towered over Rose, who gulped. With a single swing he disarmed her, then got three easy touches on her. The third touch on her shoulders was a little harder than he’d intended, and she ended up losing her balance while waving her hands and ultimately fell on her butt. “Shit! Rose, I’m so sorry!” Ivan fretted. “It’s okay, Ivan, I’ve taken worse falls,” Rose said as she stood up and rubbed her butt in pain. “I’m mostly mad at myself for losing my balance so easily.” “Sir Bruel, you’re up against the Bourgeois twins. Since your mass is about equivalent to theirs it should be a fairer fight,” D’Argencourt said. “Yeah, fairer for the three-legged girls to go up against someone who only has to worry about two,” Chloe snarked as Zoe selected a pair of yellow noodles, handing one of them to her sister and keeping the other for herself.The match began. The twins did have three advantages over Ivan: one, their combined strength made them a bit stronger than even he was alone; two, they could attack two-on-one; and three, one twin could see the tells on one side of Ivan’s body before the other twin could and react accordingly. They were less agile, however, and Ivan got two touches on them before Zoe hastily got a third on his stomach. “Now what?” Zoe asked. “I have a solution for that. Lady Cesaire, Lady Dupain-Cheng, select your armaments.” Alya selected an orange noodle while Marinette took a pink one. “Now stand side-by side.” They did so, Alya on the left and Marinette on the right. “Now stick out your inner arms and legs.” They did so. “Now watch.” D’Argencourt produced two green resistance bands and used them to tie the girls together. “There, now you have the same handicap as the twins. Should they lose, I’ll free you to fight each other. On guard!” Now, Marinette was strong, Alya was fast, and both girls were smart, but the twins had been conjoined for their entire lives. They were now the more agile fighters for a change, and they capitalized accordingly. Alya got one touch in but then Zoe swung, disarming her, and Chloe did the same by slamming her noodle into Marinette’s arms. Then the twins pivoted on Zoe’s feet, allowing Chloe to raise her arms higher and aim at Alya’s bound left shoulder, which took the hit with a loud CRACK! “Ow!” Alya exclaimed while rubbing her left ear. “A little less enthusiasm, Chloe!” “Sorry!” Chloe winced. “Do you need the nurse’s office?” “No, I’m mostly just surprised. You two are good! Marinette, you alright?” “My arms are still kinda sore, Chloe hits harder than she looks,” Marinette said, massaging her left elbow as best she could while conjoined. “We had to make our arms stronger, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to push ourselves up off our stomachs,” Zoe replied. “Alright, girls, that’s good. Lady Chloe, in the future you shouldn’t aim so close to people’s faces, that could lead to permanent injury.” Chloe nodded and let D’Argencourt untie her opponents. “Now, Sir Lahiffe and Sir Kante, you’ll be facing them too.” “Uh-oh,” Nino gulped, blue noodle in hand. “Alya took the worst hit of the girls and she had glasses, that means we’ll take bad hits too.” Max sighed while holstering a green noodle; sometimes Nino’s logic made him question his sanity.“I’m not Mom or Dad, but I’m family all the same,” Nora said. “What happened?” “I’ll explain inside,” Etta and Ella’s homeroom teacher, a thin man with equally-thinning red hair named Georges Rainier, replied as he led her to a conference room where a Caucasian couple looked rather sternly at her. “Now, let’s begin with the–” “Your brat pushed my son!” the man snapped. “Etta wouldn’t do such a thing!” Nora protested. “We don’t use our fists to solve arguments in our house! And who’re you calling a ‘brat’?” “Etta maintains that it was an accident during a game of tag,” Rainier interjected. “She said that she slipped on a wet spot on the playground and accidentally tagged Alexander a bit too hard, so he fell. He says it was on purpose since he couldn’t see her face when she tagged him, but Ella said that she was there and saw it happen. She even brought us to the spot in question, there were quite a few wet leaves there from last night. I told the custodians to clean them up before someone else falls.” “How could it have been an accident?” the woman scoffed. “Those two got turned into little monsters, they had to have been monsters before in order to get possessed.” “And then there was your other sister who got possessed too because she got in trouble,” the man scoffed. “Honestly, you Cesaires are delinquents, it’s not safe for Alexander to go here. Either take out your sisters or we’re transferring.” “You have no right to make Ella and Etta leave!” Nora protested. “They didn’t do anything wrong!” “A likely story! One of them’s probably covering for the other!” Nora grimaced but tried to calm herself down before she said the wrong thing. Alas, it wasn’t enough; an akuma fused with the tape wrapped around her left hand, which was soon triplicated.“Are you sure you’re not hurt, Alya?” Zoe asked as the twins and Nino followed Alya inside her house. “I’m fine, Zoe! It’s not like my little sisters can’t scream louder,” Alya replied with a laugh. “Anyway, my art stuff’s in my room, I’ll go get it.” “Your place is sweet, Alya!” Nino complimented. “Love the plants!” “Thanks!” Alya laughed as she entered her room. “They were on sale!” Nino looked around a bit more and saw a terrarium up against the wall. He walked over, squinted at it, and then screamed at its resident. “SPIDER!” “Oh, that’s Hannibal, he’s a Chaco golden knee tarantula. He’s harmless, try not to be loud though,” Alya called. Nino trembled. “H-how can she be so c-calm? It’s s-so b-BIG!” “Spiders aren’t evil, Nino,” Zoe scoffed. “Sure, the way they eat might seem weird to us, but that’s what they have to work with and it works for them, so they do it.” “They’re not evil?” “Of course not! You need to be pretty smart to be capable of evil, and most spiders aren’t even smart enough to know how to count!” Nino exhaled. “That’s a relie– wait, most?” “Yeah, apparently jumping spiders can count about as well as a one-year-old, and they’re the smartest spiders out there,” Zoe shrugged. “What can I say? Chloe’s the fashion priss and I’m the bug geek.” “Which will come in handy given that our project is about the plague,” Chloe said. “Y’know, what with the fleas and all.” She huffed. “What is taking Alya so long in there? How hard can it be to find markers? Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” Alya left her room, her face looking hollow. “Nora got akumatized,” she said. “That was Ella and Etta’s teacher, Etta got in trouble at school and Nora got turned when the parents of one of her classmates said our sisters oughta be expelled.” “That’s horrible!” Zoe gasped. “Do you know anything else?” “Yeah, he sent this.” She showed her classmates a picture of Nora in front of Ella and Etta’s school, Nora having gained four more arms and six more eyes along with a brown-and-golden coloration on her limbs, a white shirt, and a large brown organ sprouting from her tailbone that when combined made her resemble a tiger spider. Behind her, Alexander’s parents had been webbed to the outer wall. Nino saw what Nora looked like now and fainted. “Honestly, I’m with him on this one,” Chloe said, looking sick. “Humans do not look right with eight eyes.” Alya grimaced. “I gotta go, I need to get to the bottom of this if I’m going to get Nora deakumatized. Chloe, Zoe, stay here and watch Nino. I’d bring him along, but he’s clearly still not very good with spiders and I’m not going to risk him getting hurt.” “We get it, Alya,” Zoe said placatingly. “Want us to start on the project?” “You might as well. I’ll do my part once Nora’s back.” Alya put her coat back on and marched out the door.“Hey Chat, what’s up?” Ladybug asked as she landed. “I’m trying to figure out where the akumatized item is,” Chat said as she pondered over Nora’s arachnoid form from behind a bush. “Not sure where it is, I can’t tell where the clothes end and the skin begins.” Ladybug turned around, saw Nora, and grimaced. “Geesh, she looks freaky with eight eyes. Do we know why she’s doing this?” “Are you kidding me? I get close enough to hear her and I’ll have to Cataclysm myself out of her web. And then she’ll web me back up and everyone will know what I look like. And trust me, I’m not as cute under the leather as I am in it.” Why on Earth did I say that? I’m a model. Ladybug seemed to understand for some reason. “Yeah, I don’t want her exposing my secret identity either, but we need to figure out why she’s doing this so we can talk her down without having to fight. Let’s get on the roof and try to eavesdrop; be careful, though, spiders can sense vibrations a lot better than they can see.” “How do you know that?” “I have a friend who likes bugs,” Ladybug said as she led Chat away from the bush. Chat idly wondered if it was the same friend she had.“I wish Alya hadn’t brushed us off like that,” Chloe grumbled. “We’re the akuma chasers, we’re the ones who chase the damn villains.” “From behind,” Zoe reminded her. “The way Nora changed means we can’t get her from behind. And it’s not like the principal will let us walk through the back door of the school.” “The school…” Nino suddenly snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! I need to make a phonecall, girls, I’ll be right back.” He raced out of the room and took out his phone. “He’d better have a good idea for this or Alya’s ending up spider stew,” Chloe grumbled. “Nino has good ideas!” Zoe protested. “He might not always have them, but he’s always really nice and he always tries to help!” She sighed blissfully. “Why do you think he’s one of the many people I wouldn’t mind holding hands with? Well, hand…” “I will admit that he is frustratingly cute…” Nino raced back into the room and the twins composed themselves. “Yes?” “Call your limo, girls, I know how to get Nora to stop being a spider!” Nino grinned. “Mind telling us what it is?” He told them. “Not bad at all, Nino. Not bad at all.”From the roof, Ladybug and Chat Noire looked down to Nora’s web. “Lucky Charm,” Ladybug whispered, receiving an extremely long pair of earbuds. She dangled one bud over the roof to where the web was and held the other up to her ear, Chat’s enhanced feline hearing letting her hear it as well. “I grow impatient, Anansi!” Hawk Moth scolded. “You’ve yet to deliver me Ladybug and Chat Noire’s Miraculous!” “Cool your jets, man! I haven’t seen ‘em. Mostly because it’s kinda hard to see much of anything right now. Did you have to give me a spider’s vision as well as the legs?” Nora replied. “Besides, I’m still getting the stuff so you can hold your end of the bargain.” “And how do these people fulfill it?” “Well,” Nora began as she began pointing at her webbed-up victims, “Anansi had to give four kinds of legendary creatures – a python, some hornets, a leopard, and a fairy – and his mother to the sky god in exchange for getting the world’s stories. You won’t give me the real story of what happened until I give you the same things, right? Well, I can’t find a python, but Mr. Escoffier is a lawyer and people often compare them to snakes,” she said as she pointed to the man who’d been in the conference room, Gerard Escoffier, currently trussed up like a python tied to a tree branch. “And Ms. Escoffier’s no hornet, but she’s got a temper worthy of any wasp. And she’s English, so she’s a wasp in that sense too.” “Mmmph!” Jennaline Escoffier, tied in a way that looked like she’d been shoved into a gourd, said through the silk on her mouth. “The leopard was trickier, but then I remembered that Principal Sartre is well-known for liking his wine a little too much just like old Osebo, and when I learned that he was actually considering expelling my sisters over them being akumatized – and fuck you again for that, Cock Moth – I figured he’d count,” Nora said as she pointed to a rotund man wearing a leopard-print tie, Principal Isaac Sartre, his silken prison knotted like a ladder. “Now all I need is a fairy and then I can call my mother.” “Not today!” Nora looked up and saw Alya marching her way. “I heard enough, Nora! Stop letting Cock Moth jerk you around! That sounded way better in my head!” “This isn’t your fight, Alya! I can get this resolved!” Nora retorted. “So just STAY AWAY!” She turned around and sprayed silk at Alya from her abdomen, covering her in a whitish ball of sticky thread. “Don’t you always say we don’t use fists to solve problems in our family?!” Alya gasped. “Webs ain’t fists! And what’s that red doohickey?” Nora grabbed the earbud, gave it a yank, and Ladybug fell to the ground. “Well, well, well! Looks like I found a fairy!” “Uh…hi,” Ladybug squeaked, not liking the hungry look in Nora’s upper pair of eyes, or the two pairs in her cheeks. “She’ll do perfectly, Anansi,” Hawk Moth said approvingly. “Anansi? Like your kickboxing stage name ‘Anansi’?” Alya asked before laughing. “Oh my god Cock Moth is unoriginal.” “WILL YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT?!” “Not until it stops being funny!” Chat said as she jumped down. “And no one yanks my partner off a roof! Eat steel!” She unsheathed her staff and let out a protective catlike yowl as she swept at Nora’s side. Nora dodged it. “You can’t hit me, cat! I may be half-blind, but I make up for that in sensory hairs!” she laughed, the long brown hairs on her arms moving gently in the air. “Then it’s time for you to shave!” Chat retorted, unsheathing her claws and swiping them at Nora’s middle-right arm, severing the sensory hairs. “Six arms, cat! It’ll take a lot more than one hit to blind me!” Nora laughed as she swung a sextuple-punch. As they fought, Chat noticed that Nora’s upper left hand was wrapped and realized that it had to be the hand with the akuma on it. She swung again, hoping to knock Nora over, but Nora spat at her face and Chat received an eyeful of spider venom for her troubles. “Especially since I can blind you!” she laughed as she knocked Chat to the ground. “Can’t…move…” Alya grimaced. “Ladybug, save her! You can stand up to her poison!” “It’s venom!” Ladybug paused. “Wait…poison! That’s it!” When Chat finally cleared her eyes she found herself webbed to the ground at the waist. “Sorry, cat, but that little ring a’ yours is going to Hawk Moth!” Nora grinned. “Finally we’re getting somewhere,” Hawk Moth sighed. Nora loomed over Chat, in the process distracted from what was behind her. Ladybug removed a blood-bomb from her lower left elbow and tossed it at Nora’s spinnerets, gumming them up. “Hey! What gives?” Nora asked as she turned around. “What’s the matter, beetle? Wanna play rough? ” “You bet I do!” Ladybug said, not liking the three-minute warning beep in her ears. “Especially since you’re out of ammo!” Nora tried to web her and groaned in pain. “FUCK! I’m jammed!” “And when you’re in pain you can’t think!” Ladybug slung a yo-yo at her head and it connected hard enough to send Nora to the ground. “Fuck! I don’t know where the akuma is!” “Get the wrapping on her left hand, and do it before she gets back up!” Chat said as she Cataclysmed the silk trapping her. Ladybug found the hand in question and unwound the tape before tossing it to Chat, who shredded it with her claws. The moth flew out and was purified, and the Cure removed all the silk. The job done, Ladybug and Chat fled the scene. Nora groaned as she stood up. “What…happened? And why does my ass itch?” “Nora!” Alya hugged her. “You got akumatized!” “Shit! Hope I didn’t…uh-oh.” “What?” “I got akumatized because Alexander’s parents thought Etta pushed him and thought she should be expelled over it because she’d been akumatized. I think I just jeopardized her.” Alya’s face fell. “Nora! You’re not a spider anymore!” Nino said as he raced over. “Ugh, did we miss the entire fight?!” Chloe complained as she and Zoe joined him. “Looks like it,” Zoe said. “Darn cement mixers in front of the limo.” “Nino?!” Alya gasped. “Alya, I figured it out! I know what happened!” Nino exclaimed triumphantly. “Do you now?” Everyone looked to see the principal and Escoffiers glaring at them. “We’re all ears!” Gerard said. “It was an accident! Etta slipped on a wet leaf during a game of tag and she tagged Alexander a little too hard. The other wet leaves did the rest,” Nino explained. “It wasn’t on purpose at all.” “How do you know this?” Sartre asked, interested. “Because my little bro Chris goes to this school too! He saw the whole thing. And I DJ’ed for Malo, Eden, and Mael’s birthday parties so I have their parents’ numbers, and Chris said that they saw it too, and I verified that with them!” “And we can verify that in turn since we were there when he made all those calls,” Zoe added. Sartre nodded. “I’m convinced. It was all just a big misunderstanding over a little playground accident.” “She still got akumatized!” Jennaline protested. “Girl, I got akumatized because my phone went off in class,” Alya laughed. “If you feel bad in any way – sad, embarrassed, angry, jealous – then Hawk Moth can get you. He takes your emotions and uses them to turn you into what he wants you to be.” “Is that how it works?” Gerard asked, somewhat confused. “Trust me, I’m the Ladyblogger. I’m an expert.” That seemed to finally satisfy them.“Looks like everything’s going back to normal,” Alya sighed in relief once back at the apartment. “Yeah! I’m glad Alexander knew I didn’t mean it,” Etta said. “Thanks, Alya’s boyfriend!” Ella said mischievously. Nino spluttered and the Cesaire twins doubled over laughing before scampering into their room and shutting the door, Nora even joining in the ribbing a little. “I’m not– Well I’m–” “Actually,” Alya said with a lopsided smile, “I think you’ve earned it, Nino. You did something really nice for my family and I like nice men. And hey, you are cute.” Nino chuckled bashfully. “Well, I did have some extra tickets for Invasion of the Yogurt Snatchers that I don’t know what to do with…” Then he looked up and saw that Zoe looked a little crestfallen. “Oh, Zoe, did you mean it with what you said when I announced my short film?” “The himbo comment?” Alya remembered. “Wait, you actually wanted to– oh, girl…” Zoe nodded while wiping her eyes and gave them a nervous smile. “D-don’t worry about me, I-I’m just greedy about love and I already have Alix on my side and–” “No, Zoe, it’d be wrong to leave you upset because of feelings that you can’t help having. And, well…I kinda do have a thing for geeks,” Nino admitted while rubbing the back of his head shyly. “What about Chloe? Alix said that they’re a permanent package deal,” Alya reminded him. “She’s right, and we’ll want to talk to her about this to get things completely sorted out,” Chloe added. “But, well…eh, fuck it, when Nino doesn’t have his head in the clouds he’s a decent, honest man who I’d really like to…” She blushed. “Damnit, why is it hard to talk about this with Nino? It wasn’t like this with Alix!” Nino chuckled as he walked over and hugged the twins, Zoe reciprocating eagerly and Chloe doing so a little more nervously. “Guess I know who my other two tickets are going to now. Uh, are you okay with this Miss Nora?” he asked when the hug broke. “We have a rule in my family about interfering with others’ love lives: unless there’s clear signs of the relationship being dangerous, don’t,” Nora replied. “I don’t see any here, and if Alya’s happy with sharing your time with another pair of girls then I’m happy.” “Just don’t smack me with another pool noodle so hard, Chlo,” Alya giggled. Nora raised an eyebrow at her. “Mr. D’Argencourt’s teaching us fencing with pool noodles and Chloe got a little carried away in class.” “Glad you brought that up, Als, because I need to address something that you’ve been doing. You can’t go rushing off into villain fights without a plan. You could get seriously hurt, and I don’t know if that Cure business can raise the dead.” “It can, but I don’t think we want to actually experience it,” Zoe clarified. “But Nora, I have a duty to report on the villains so people can know how to avoid them!” Alya protested. “And it helps Ladybug and Chat Noire end their fights faster!” “I know you do, and I know it does. So I’m gonna help,” Nora replied. “I cancelled my match today for mental health reasons and that means I can spend tonight drafting a plan to get you and your friends into shape. D’Argencourt’s teaching your class fencing? Then I’m going to ask the school if I can teach your class hand-to-hand. Just a little bit of extra assurance to keep you safe.” “Thanks, sis,” Alya exhaled, relieved. “I’d like that, it’d keep me out of another web.” She stretched her arms and yawned. “Well, I’m kinda bushed. How far are we on the history project?” “We did the part about how the plague spread, which is actually kinda like how Hawk Moth gets people,” Nino mused. “He can’t get you himself, so he has to put his rot inside a bug and send it out.” “He did say that his Kwami’s the one of transmission,” Chloe agreed. “Aces,” Alya said, relieved. “I’ll handle the political stuff then, it’s the least I could do to pay you back.” The group went into Alya’s room to continue their work. “Crazy kids,” Nora sighed fondly. “But they’re gonna be fine. Aren’t they, Hannibal?” Hannibal thumped the dirt in his terrarium with his pedipalps. “Dinnertime, huh? Alright, let’s see if I can get a little revenge on Cock Moth.” She reached into a drawer under the terrarium and retrieved a tomato hornworm that she placed into the terrarium. Hannibal snuck up on the caterpillar and pounced on it. Nora smiled at him approvingly. “Yeah, you eat his child. Good little tarantula.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Father?” Adrien asked, knocking on the door to Gabriel’s study. “Come in, Adrien.” Adrien entered the room. “How may I help you?” Gabriel asked. “I noticed that my December photoshoots have reduced in number, and the one I was supposed to have this Thursday’s been replaced with this event called ‘MG’. What is it?” “Ah, that’s simple. ‘MG’ is the Grevin Museum, they were interested in having a wax figure made of yourself.” “The fragrance ad?” Adrien asked flatly. “The fragrance ad. They wanted to preserve it for posterity. As for the photoshoots being reduced, I decided that it wasn’t fair to you to make you juggle worrying about a photoshoot with your schoolwork. I underestimated just how much work that a child your age would have.” Adrien smiled. “Thanks, Father. So what should I wear to the wax thing?”“Marinette?” Nadja called two days later, Manon by her side. “Sabine, do you know where Marinette is? She promised she’d take Manon to the Grevin Museum today.” “She should be home by now,” Sabine replied. “Marinette?” Marinette almost literally tumbled down the stairs, a paper package in her hands. “I’m here! Sorry I’m late, I had some work to finish up.” “What’s that in your hand?” Nadja asked. “Oh, it’s the latest charity doll. Mr. Glace told me that I could make ones of his akumatized form to make up for any accidents he might’ve caused while turned.” “The snowman…man?” Manon asked. “Yeah, him. I just need to take this to the post office and we can go to the museum, it has to be in the mail by tonight or else the buyer will ask for a refund.” “Marinette, your fingers!” Sabine cried, looking at the bandages covering her daughter’s fingers. “Did you have an accident with the needles again?” “I may have…rushed the stitching when I remembered what day it was.” Sabine gave her a weary look. “I know, Mom, time management.” “At this point you might have to consider outsourcing, with how much demand those toys have these days you’ll give yourself carpal-tunnel if you keep making them yourself,” Nadja remarked. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t know anyone who’d want to partner with me,” Marinette huffed. “C’mon, Manon, let’s drop this off and then we can go to the museum.” “Yay!” Manon cheered.“Say, Chloe?” Zoe asked over the twin roars of their hairdryers. “Yeah?” “Should we tell Alya and Nino about Mr. Fu and the Miraculous we’ve been using? Now that we’re kinda dating Nino I think it’s only fair if we included them. Y’know, show them that we trust them and all that.” Chloe’s hairdryer suddenly fell silent. “Chloe? Are you okay?” Zoe asked, turning hers off too. Chloe trembled. “Zoe…Alix is going to become the new Rabbit hero soon…sooner or later Fu’s going to find Miraculous that work for Alya and Nino too…” “Oh, Chloe!” Zoe cried. “It’s okay, we’ll find ones that work for us.” “And what if their Kwamis don’t CHOOSE us?!” Chloe yelled. “I’m sick of it, Zoe! I’m sick of having to stay on the sidelines because our body disrupts the glamour! I want to be able to run around and be a superohero! I want to be exceptional! I want…I want Mom to see us in costume and realize she was wrong about us…” she sobbed. Zoe reached over and stroked her sister’s left arm, the lingering water from the shower no longer the only thing making their shirt wet. “We are exceptional, Chloe. Most girls aren’t brave enough to run on a roof while dressed like a two-headed chicken.” Chloe laughed and wiped her eyes. “Yeah, you’re right…and I want to tell them too, Alya would love being a superhero and Nino could make so many people happy if he could use magic.” She reached for her phone. “Let’s hope they’re free today…”“Jagged Stone!” Manon said as she raced towards a statue of Jagged and Fang. “Can I get your autigraph?” No response. “What?!” “Jagged Stone can’t give you an autograph, Manon,” Marinette gently corrected. “That’s not the real Jagged Stone, the real one’s in Milan right now. This is a statue of him and his crocodile made out of wax, just like everything else in this museum.” “Ohhhh. It looks just like him!” “Yes it does. I’m more impressed by how well they got Fang, that crocodile does not like to sit still in front of the cameras.” “Hi Marinette!” Marinette turned around and saw Mireille shyly waving at her. “I haven’t seen you around here before.” “Mireille! Hi! How are you? This is Manon, she’s a fan of yours.” “Why aren’t you the weather girl? Now it’s someone named Anais,” Manon asked. Mireille laughed nervously. “You know how Aurore got akumatized? She got that way because she lost the weather girl competition and Alec Cataldi told her how many people didn’t vote for her. She got really sad, so Hawk Moth turned her into Stormy Weather and told her to destroy anything with Alec’s face on it. After she got rescued I decided to quit the show because I didn’t like what Alec said to her.” “Aurore told me she was sorry and she didn’t mean to put me in an igloo,” Manon recalled. “But why are you here?” “My mom works for the museum, I decided to come here to spend some time out of the house today.” Mireille heard screams from outside the room. “What the heck?” “ADRIEN’S HERE!” gushed a girl with bright orange hair as she led a pack of fangirls into the room. “And no school either!” added a blonde. “Now we can see him! Hold him! KISS HIM!” “Not again!” Marinette groaned. “Manon, we need to leave.” “But–” Manon protested. “Manon, these girls don’t care if you’re in their way! They’ll trample you flat!” Marinette scooped her up protectively. “Mireille, this way!” “I don’t understand! How did they get past security if they’re behaving like that?!” Mireille gulped as she followed Marinette past the horde. “Outta my way, hussy!” a brown-haired girl said as she elbowed Marinette roughly. Marinette lost her balance and was barely able to drop Manon to her feet before she was sent sideways to the floor by another fangirl’s shoulder. Fortunately, the next fangirl was the last of them; not quite as fortunately, that fangirl was well over six feet tall, and Marinette screamed in pain when the tall girl stepped on her shin with considerable force, thankfully not enough to break it. “Marinette!” Manon cried. “Those…those…those…those…those BITCHES! ” Mireille snapped. “It’s not enough to hurt Adrien, they have to hurt you too?! And they nearly hurt a little kid no less!” An akuma flew into the pen clipped to her shirt pocket and transformed her into a black-and-cyan pixie, the pen transformed into a wicked star-tipped wand. “They will PAY for desecrating my museum! Army of Wax, ATTACK!” The wax statues suddenly sprang to life, Jagged Stone cracking his knuckles, Clara Nightingale rolling her head, Fang lashing his tail. Manon trembled as Mireille led the paraffin army away. “Manon…I’m gonna have to call your mom to pick you up,” Marinette said before grabbing her leg and hissing in pain. “And maybe mine too.” “Please call Mommy,” Manon agreed nervously.“Wow! You’re the Master! This is AWESOME!” Alya whooped in Fu’s parlor. Fu laughed nervously. “I appreciate your excitement, Alya, but do be careful about your volume. Does Ladybug know about this?” “We texted both her and Chat Noire, if they don’t read their messages today that’s on them,” Chloe replied with a shrug. “Honestly? You made the right call, babe,” Alix grinned. “If you’re gonna be dating a boy as well as me then the boy’s gotta know what he’s getting into.” “Hey, I think I’d make a pretty good superhero,” Nino replied with a laugh. “Picture me now, Alix: Bubbleman!” “There’s no Parrotfish Miraculous, Nino,” Zoe giggled. “But there is a Dog Miraculous, and I think you’d be a pretty good fit for it. All you have to do is chuck a ball at stuff, choose which item you wanna retrieve, and say ‘Fetch’!” “Indeed, and the Pig’s power would work well for an investigative reporter,” Fu added. “Speaking of which, I do want this to be as confidential as possible, Alya. If Hawk Moth realizes that Ladybug and Chat Noire received their Miraculous from a person rather than randomly like he did, he may try to hunt me down to find out their secret identities.” “I don’t want that,” Alya grimaced. “But can I still report on Alix, er, Bunnyx since she’s going to go public today?” “Cock Moth already knows about Fluff, so that’s fine,” Alix said as she took the Rabbit Miraculous in her hands and exhaled. “It’s the big day, Fluff. I’m not gonna be a sidekick. I’m gonna be a hero.” “And you’re gonna look awesome!” Fluff cheered as she floated out from behind Alix’s head. She saw Alya and Nino gaping at her and waved. “Hiya! I’m a Kwami!” “Oh my god it’s a god,” Alya gasped. “You reacted better than Chloe did when we met Fluff, she fainted,” Zoe giggled. “What an accusation! Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” Chloe’s phone buzzed and she took it out. “Akuma alert at that creepy wax museum, the exhibits came to life and are…oh no. Adrikins said he was going there after school today to pose for a wax sculpture, he’s in danger!” “Not my bro!” Nino gasped. “Alright, Mr. Fu, we’re on the case!” “I knew you would say that. This will take a coordinated effort,” Fu said. “Alix, use Burrow to figure out where in the museum Adrien went so you can retrieve him. Alya, use Gift to find out what the villain wants. Nino, try to use Fetch on the akumatized item. Chloe and Zoe, you’ll be using Clout to draw anyone caught in the crossfire out of danger, I found a website that sells freeze-dried durian so Roaar can power up fully.” “The fuck is a durian?” Nino asked. “The answer involves a very long and very strange story involving a tiny purple tiger and an eccentric rock musician,” Chloe sighed. “Let’s just get the jewelry.”Outside the museum and hidden away from any cameras or passerby, Tikki inspected the large, greenish bruise on Marinette’s shin. “It’s not sprained or anything, but that bruise is rather big. Try not to put too much weight on it, i.e. no landing hard or kicking.” “Marinette?” Child and goddess looked up at Sabine as the woman approached her and handed Marinette an ice pack. “Nadja told me about what happened when those girls charged in there, I called Mr. Raincomprix so he can deal with them after you’re done in there. Keep that on your leg for a minute. Tikki, here’s something for you to recharge with.” She handed a few peppermints to the goddess. “I know it’s no cookies, but these were easier to sneak out.” “These will work,” Tikki said as she tossed a candy into her mouth, plastic and all, and chewed it up. The humans stared at her. “What? I’m a goddess, I can eat anything. Now let’s transform! We’ll see you later, Sabine.” Sabine nodded and slipped away. After she finished icing her leg Marinette made sure that no one was paying attention, then slunk back into the museum, hid inside a one-person bathroom, and emerged as Ladybug. She opened her yo-yo and raised an eyebrow at the unread messages:
Miraculous Heroes
Purple Tigress R
Ladybug, Chat, Bun, we’re planning to tell Alya and Nino about Fu.
Purple Tigress L
We want to be honest with them about what “akuma-chasing” means for us.
Bunnyx
Hey, I’m game for more heroes, I’m only one bunny. Can we get Al to be quiet, though?
Purple Tigress L
If we tell her the right way, sure. Fu will probably know what to say.
Ladybug
Sorry it took so long to reply!
Tikki did say she thought I could trust Alya with knowing who my secret identity is, and I think she’d be a pretty good superhero!
Nino is a surprise, but I get why you’d want honesty with your new boyfriend. Congrats on that by the way!
Pig Hero
OMG OMG HI LB!!!
Dog Hero
Nice to know you ship us LB. We’re outside and ready to go in. Did you see what happened?
Ladybug
Civvie-me was there, there’s a horde of fangirls looking for Adrien Agreste. Mireille from your school got mad at them and got akumatized into a fairy. She can bring wax statues to life.
Dog Hero
I’m gonna bite someone.
Purple Tigress R
I’m gonna help.
Ladybug
No biting.
Dog Hero
Yes’m.
Purple Tigress R
Sorry, Ladybug. Got carried away again.
Bunnyx
Lol, whipped. But seriously, that sucks, we gotta get Adrien outta there. Where are you?
Ladybug
On my way outside.
Adrien sighed as he paced around the closet where he’d been told to stay inside by The Gorilla (for a given definition of “told”) so Mireille’s army wouldn’t attack him. “Great, just great. Stuck in a closet with no one else. Well, except you, Plagg, I’m glad I summoned you for some company.” “What am I, chopped liver?” Plagg asked dryly. “And at the risk of making a cat pun, are you claustrophobic, kitten?” “Phobia’s too strong a word, it’s more of a very strong dislike. You know I was homeschooled for seven years, right?” “Yeah, someone tried to kidnap you a week before your first day of second grade and your dad had a paranoia attack, you’ve mentioned it,” Plagg recalled. “But listen, kid, we need to leave…say, why do they have a cardboard cutout of you?” “It’s for the sculptors, they’re going to use it as a color reference since I can’t be here for the whole process,” Adrien said as he looked at the cutout in question. “Wait…one cat god…one double-sided cardboard cutout of me that has my back…and one big vent in the side of the room…equals one Chat Noire making her great escape!” Plagg grinned. “Best idea you’ve had all day!”Bunnyx left the Burrow room and detransformed, feeding Fluff a baby carrot from her fannypack. “Alright, I know where Adrien, Mireille, and the fangirls are, thank goodness there were screens from our timeline. It’d probably be faster to round up the fangirls, though, since the Crayon Brigade is probably hunting them down for sport.” “Yeah, that sounds about right,” Alya said. Her costume was almost entirely pale pink down to her gloves and cloven sneakers, the only black parts being a few small spots on her headband’s ears. Her mask came a bit further down her nose than the twins’ had, and her hair had turned cherry red with white tips and was now a short bob. “She’s not picking up,” Chloe said as she looked at her phone. “Where is that damn cat?” “Hope she doesn’t freak out if she sees me,” Nino swallowed. His outfit was more of a tracksuit, with the dog ears attached to the back of a hood and his fake tail much fluffier than the twins’ were. A thin brown domino mask wrapped around his eyes (which hadn’t changed color due to the canine theme of his Kwami, although his hair had turned green). He suddenly turned to face a vent cover. “I hear something coming! Hope it’s not Charlotte Corday!” he yelped as hollow footsteps inside the vent drew closer. A metal staff shoved the vent cover off and Chat squeezed out of the duct like a fat cat squeezing through a cat door two sizes too small. “Chat!” Zoe cried. “You’re okay!” “I apologize for my tardiness, girls…hold on, who are those two?” Chat asked. “Meet Pigella and Mr. Hound, they’re trying out for Team Miraculous,” Ladybug said. “Really, LB? Those are the codenames you’re going with?” Alya deadpanned. “I didn’t have time to think of anything better! Chat, listen, Adrien Agreste is–” “Purr-fectly alright. I came across the closet he was hiding inside and we came up with a plan,” Chat replied. “A plan to get those fangirls out of the line of fire and their phones away from the twins. Clout only works on people you designate as foes, so I need the twins to designate the fangirls – and ONLY the fangirls, not Mireille – as enemies.” “That won’t be an issue,” Chloe said darkly. “Good! Bunnyx, glad to see you’ve made it official. Do you know where Mireille is?” “She’s in the music section last I saw,” Bunnyx replied. “Alright, everybody split up!” Ladybug ordered. “Chat, Bunnyx, Purple Tigresses, you round up the fangirls and disarm any wax people who try to stop you. Don’t worry too much about breaking them, the Cure will fix them. Pigella, Mr. Hound, you’re with me.” “As much as I like hanging out with you I still maintain that my codename is completely ridiculous!” Alya complained as she and Nino followed Ladybug away. “I’m actually kinda liking ‘Mr. Hound’ now, it makes me sound like a spy,” Nino replied.Auguste Rodin and Pablo Picasso had cornered three of the fangirls in the theater, Rodin twirling his hammer and chisel threateningly and Picasso brandishing his chair. “What did WE do?!” the brown-haired fangirl who’d called Marinette a hussy cried. A blue-and-white parasol knocked the statues’ heads off. “Get clear!” a new superhero said as the headless bodies flailed on the ground. The fangirls took out their phones and snapped pictures. “Didn’t you hear me?! Get! CLEAR! It’s not safe for you to be here!” “We get to be the first people in Paris to see the new bunny superhero! Lit!” the red-haired fangirl who’d talked about how much she wanted to kiss Adrien cheered. Bunnyx facepalmed. “GET! CLEAR! OF! THE! HOMICIDAL! CANDLES! BEFORE! YOU! GET! WAX-MURDERED!” she growled as she roughly shoved the fangirls out of the room before running back inside and elbow-dropping Albert Einstein. “Well, she was mean,” the blonde fangirl said. The other girls nodded in assent, then screamed as Fang lunged at them only for black energy to dust the statue in an instant. “You okay?” Chat asked. “Listen, you need to get out of here, the villain–” “She calls herself ‘The Puppeteer’, which is lame-o,” the brunette scoffed. “Well, she’s got a lot of power, and I think you’d be safer elsewhere.” “Like we have to listen to the ugly half of Ladybug and Chat Bore! Hmph!” the redhead said as the fangirls flounced away. Chat took out her staff and summoned her phone. “Last of the birds are out in the open. Operation Eye of the Tiger is a go.”The fangirls heard a loud roar coming from upstairs and found themselves hypnotized by it. They ran upstairs and found themselves in the storeroom along with the rest of the gaggle. “Adrien’s in there!” the pink-haired girl who’d pushed Marinette exclaimed when she saw the open closet door. “Yeah, and I see his butt! Come to mama!” the tall fangirl leered. The fourteen of them raced inside…and discovered that Adrien was cardboard. “Hey, what–” The door closed and the twins locked it. “Sorry, but we need to keep you out of the way for your own safety,” Chloe said in falsetto. Zoe snickered at the voice as they detransformed, the rest of the storeroom thankfully empty. “Nice work, Roaar,” she whispered. Roaar saluted before chowing down on a proffered piece of durian.
The Gorilla returned to the storeroom, Roaar hiding inside Chloe’s purse before he saw her. “Hello Mr. T., the fangirls are in there. Mind watching them for us until the police come?” Zoe asked. “Chat Noire said she got Adrien out of there, he’s fine.” The Gorilla relaxed and nodded as he took their place at the door.The grand hall was full of chaos as Alya and Nino clashed with wax figures while Ladybug did aerial battle with Mireille. “The Puppeteer does not like intruders in her museum!” Mireille roared. “That’s the fifth time you’ve said that!” Ladybug retorted before slinging another yo-yo. Mireille dodged it and struck at her legs with her wand, hitting the ice pack covering the bruise (which had been magically integrated into her suit thanks to Tikki), and the heroine yelped. “Time to end this! LUCKY CHARM!” She got a police shield. “Nice!” Down below, Nino kept throwing his ball at various wax celebrities, its supernatural momentum letting it bounce around the room to increase its damage output. He literally and figuratively chipped away at historic figures like Elvis, Joan of Arc, and Ernest Hemingway, fictional characters like Esmeralda, Majestia, and Super Penguino, and people from recent memory like Clara Nightingale, Andre Bourgeois, Alec Cataldi, and a ten-year-old version of Chloe and Zoe using their respective handbags as bludgeons. There was even a wax horse causing mayhem around the hall. “These things are tougher than they look!” Nino fretted. “Do you have an idea, Pigella?” “I think I might! Ladybug just used Lucky Charm and got a shield!” Alya exhaled, took out her hoe, and said “GIFT!” The pink energy phased through Ladybug’s head; since Ladybug had told her Mireille’s motive Alya was free to use Gift on someone else. The vision in the psychic truffle told her what needed to be done. “Mr. Hound, throw me your ball!” Nino nodded and threw it at her, then Alya swung her hoe. “FORE!” The hoe connected like a golf club and the ball rocketed to the ceiling, where it ricocheted off the walls, off Ladybug’s shield, off Mireille’s face, and onto the wand, knocking it out of Mireille’s hands and sending it to the ground. “How did you know I was going to ask– oh, wait, Gift. Good job!” Ladybug called to the ground. “I’m not done yet! GET THEM!” Mireille ordered. The disfigured wax army converged on Nino, who on instinct ran on all fours like a greyhound, weaving through them until he was able to use Fetch to snatch the wand. The wax figures, naturally, dogpiled him, but it was too late. Nino snapped the wand in half, then Chat raced into the room, hastily purified the moth, and fled to a hiding spot with only thirty seconds left on her transformation. As she turned back into a boy Plagg used his bad luck powers to ensure that everyone else was too preoccupied with various mishaps to see the change. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure restored the wax figures to their proper places and states, and Mireille finally returned to the ground.The fangirls, however, were still locked in the closet; at least, they were until someone opened the door. That someone, unfortunately, happened to be Roger Raincomprix, The Gorilla standing behind him and looking rather cross. “Conspiracy to commit sexual assault, physical assault, and child endangerment,” Roger said. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.” “W-we just wanted to see Adrien!” a blue-haired fangirl protested. “Which goes to motive. You’re all under arrest.”“Adrien, I am so sorry this happened,” Gabriel apologized. “Father, I’m fine, my friends kept me safe,” Adrien replied. “Although…could we do the rest of the wax thing at home? Just so it doesn’t happen again?” “Of course. I’m just thankful that Chat Noire was able to keep those girls from doing something horrible to you. I apologize for inadvertently causing you to be akumatized, Ms. Caquet.” “Thanks, Mr. Agreste,” an exhausted-looking Mireille said. “Can I go talk to my mom now? She’s worried sick.” Gabriel nodded and let Mireille leave, then gave a curt nod to Adrien’s classmates as he and The Gorilla led his son to their car. “That’s the most expressive I’ve ever seen Gabriel, not counting the hat contest of course,” Marinette remarked as she returned to the group after giving Roger her statement. “Girl, you missed it! There’s a new rabbit superhero in town!” Alya exclaimed. “Wow, really? She sounds so cool!” Alix grinned at the compliment, not knowing that it had been intentional. “Wait…Marinette, your hands!” Nino exclaimed. “Did the fangirls do that too?” “No, that’s from earlier. I kinda rushed a plush commission since I haven’t been able to find someone to outsource them to–” Chloe facepalmed. “Chloe?!” “Dupain-Cheng, you’re an idiot,” Chloe groaned. “You know US! We’ve been getting our shirts, pants, and underwear custom-made since we were BABIES!” “Yeah, we have like, eight different tailors and seamstresses, and I know two of them haven’t had as much work lately & want to branch out and do toys,” Zoe added. “If you’d asked us we’d have been happy to get you in touch with them!” “Really?” Marinette asked. “Ladybug and Chat Noire were only able to keep those fangirls from getting killed because they had help. We’re stronger when we work together. Take it from me, I’ve had to work together with Chloe my entire life, and we’re both stronger because of it.” Marinette smiled. “Thanks. I’d like to meet those tailors. And I’m glad you girls helped save the day and Adrien’s sanity, you’re some of the most exceptional girls I know.” She hugged them, Chloe trying not to happy-cry at being called exceptional. “Well, I think I need to go back home. Mama probably wants me off my feet, and I should put this ice pack back in my freezer. I’ll see you tomorrow!” “Bye Mari!” they waved. As she left Alix whistled. “Do you think we should ask her to be on Team Miraculous?” “She’s super busy, dudette,” Nino replied. “But wouldn’t it be something if she was?”
“Yeah, something,” Chloe agreed. “Marinette would make a great superhero.” She had yet to know how right she was.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Chloe, Zoe, I have something to tell you!” Andre called. The twins hobbled into the living room. “What’s up, Daddy?” Zoe asked. “KIDZ+ is airing a new show called ‘World's Greatest Chef’, and the first episode is going to be shot in our hotel. Not only that, but we’ve been asked to judge the food!” “All three of us?” Chloe asked, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, ourselves, Adrien, Marlena Cesaire, and Mr. Cataldi. He got demoted again for that crack he made about Nathalie. Anyway, I want you two to behave yourselves and be nice about passing judgement if you don’t like the food. I know your stomachs can be a bit sensitive given the issues you inherited from me, but you should still be gracious.” “We can do that,” Zoe nodded. “Who are the guest chefs?” “I can’t recall the whole program list, but one name stuck out to me: Wang Cheng, the operator of a restaurant in Shanghai. I’m not sure why it did.”Wang got off the plane and inhaled the strange, foreign air. “So this is Paris,” he said in Shanghainese. “Now where did the map say the Grand Paris Hotel was?” Sabine hummed as she tidied the living room, KIDZ+ playing commercials in the background. “And now a special sneak peek at the first episode of KIDZ+’s new cooking show, World's Greatest Chef!” Sabine stopped what she was doing and turned around, interested. “In our first episode six chefs from every continent with chefs will try to wow our judges with something tasty! Our first episode features soup and will be filmed at the Grand Paris Hotel! And now for our awesome first set of chefs: “Representing Europe, Lena Chlebek of Warsaw, Poland!” A stern-faced woman with brown hair and eyes. “Representing Africa, Amadin Dossou of Porto-Novo, Benin!” A young man with curly dark hair in a manbun. “Representing North America, Zack Lee of New York City, USA!” A thin man with black hair and a goatee, smiling enormously. ‘Representing South America, Marcia Silva of Rio de Jainero, Brazil!” A tan-skinned young woman with light brown hair under a green beanie and grayish-blue eyes. “Representing Oceania, Achina William of Palikir, Micronesia!” A middle-aged woman with a warm smile. “And representing Asia, Wang Cheng of Shanghai, China!” Sabine’s jaw dropped at the sight of him. “Tune in Tuesday at 2 to see them cook!” “WHAT THE FUCK?!” she shouted. Tom and Marinette raced into the living room, Tikki phasing through the floor behind them. “Sabine, what happened?” Tom asked. “My uncle’s in Paris!” Sabine exclaimed. “And the idiot didn’t even try calling me!” “Your uncle?” Tikki asked. “Yes! My uncle Wang Cheng! He’s the one who taught me most of what I know in the kitchen! I haven’t seen him since I moved to Paris twenty-five years ago!” She exhaled. “I suppose it’s my fault, I haven’t been able to find the time to write him due to how busy I’ve been here. He might not even know about the bakery.” “Then maybe this could be your chance to have a reunion!” Marinette suggested. “Dad and I have never met him, surely he’d love to meet his nephew-in-law and great-niece!” “And we could support him in the audience, if they have one,” Tom added. “Then it’s settled! Grab your coats, everyone, it’s time to go to the Grand Paris! Tikki, you’re in charge of the house while we’re gone.” “I won’t let you down, Sabine!” Tikki saluted.“And let’s meet our judges for this episode!” the hostess, a spry young woman named Claire E., said cheerfully. “From the Grand Paris herself, chef Marlena Cesaire!” “Hello!” Marlena waved. “Alec Cataldi of our very own KIDZ+ staff!” “Hey,” Alec said, not looking quite as enthusiastic. “From College Francoise Dupont & Agreste Fashions, Adrien Agreste!” “Father couldn’t come, something about a white suit and a rogue gazpacho, but I’m here to try food!” Adrien said as he waved to the camera. “Our very own mayor, Andre Bourgeois!” “Welcome to Paris!” Andre bowed. “And his daughters & Adrien’s classmates at school, Chloe and Zoe Bourgeois!” The chefs gaped at the twins; well, Zack didn’t. “Before you ask, we have completely separate digestive systems and we’ll be needing separate servings,” Chloe said. “Yeah, and try not to make anything that needs a knife, I can’t cut my food since I only have one hand,” Zoe added while waving said hand. The chefs snapped out of it. “What kind of idiot would make soup that you need to cut?” Lena asked in accented French. “Put your hand down, Amadin, I know you have it up.” People laughed, Amadin included. “Did she say something funny?” Wang asked, confused. Everyone stared at him. “Do she…speak the laugh?” He shrank in on himself. “She was talking about people being foolish enough to make a soup thick enough to need a knife, and then called Amadin out for raising his hand to imply that he would indeed do such a thing.” Wang gasped as Sabine moved to his side. “Sabine Cheng, I’m his niece and will be serving as his interpreter.” “A fellow cook! We might have to ask you to come to the next episode,” Marlena teased. “That would be nice,” Sabine admitted. After the cameras moved on she bowed to Wang and he bowed back. “Wang, I apologize for not being in touch with you more in past years, it took quite a lot of work to become a baker in my own right and some things fell to the wayside.” “I understand, Xia Bing. I should’ve done some prior research myself, I knew you were in Paris yet didn’t call ahead.” Wang looked over at Tom and Marinette. “And they are?” “My family,” she smiled. “I’d like you to meet my husband Tom Dupain and my daughter Marinette.” “Now I believe you when you say you were a busy woman. Nice to talk to–” “It’s okay, Mr. Cheng, Sabine taught me enough Shanghainese to speak to her in-laws, which would’ve worked a lot better had they actually come to our wedding,” Tom said before bowing. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” “Yan and Mei never approved of Xia’s ambitions when they paid enough attention to her to notice them, and I was unable to afford the trip until today,” Wang explained before bowing back. “It is nice to meet you both.” “It is nice to meet you too, Uncle Wang,” Marinette said, her Shanghainese a bit stilted. She bowed and Wang bowed back. “Ugh, seriously?! Some of us are trying to concentrate! And speak French, you have no idea how rude it is to hear a conversation you can’t understand!” snapped a shrill voice. “Oh FUCK no,” Zoe whimpered. Andre got in front of the twins protectively. Sabine turned around and found herself having to stare up at a considerably older & taller blonde woman in a black-and-white jumpsuit. “And you are?” she snarked. “Who am I? WHO AM I?! Listen here you worthless pedestrian! I am Audrey Lee, director of the #5 American fashion magazine Style Queen. If you don’t know my name then I pity you even more than I did. I’m here to see my husband win this little contest.” “Hello!” Zack said, waving to everybody. Chloe facepalmed after registering his surname. “And if you know what is good for you, you will–” She saw something else. “ANDRE!” “H-hello, Audrey,” Andre said nervously. “It’s been a while since we’ve…been in the same building. Are, uh, are those sunglasses new?” Alec raised an eyebrow at him. Audrey suddenly tilted her head. “Andre, is that Claritin hiding behind you?” “No, but I’m going to need one after today’s over,” Chloe snarked as she pushed Andre aside. “Hello, Mom, it’s us, your daughters Chloe and Zoe. We’re going to be judging your new husband’s soup.” “Any dietary restrictions or allergies I should know about?” Zack asked as he produced a notepad, oblivious to the drama as usual. “Yeah, uh, no fish please. The way our guts process omega-threes gives us gas, and I don’t know how Chloe stands the aftertaste,” Zoe said. Zack wrote it down. “Stop talking out of your other head, Clavicle, it’s very uncouth,” Audrey ordered. “I’m not her other head! I’m your other daughter Zoe!” “She doesn’t even have the same voice!” Chloe added furiously. “Don’t lie to your mother! I may be divorced from your father, but I still have the final say over you!” Audrey turned around and flounced back to the audience. The twins slumped and shook in their seat, Adrien, Marinette, and Andre doing their best to console them. “I understood not a word of that, but her voice suggested scorn,” Wang said. “Apparently she’s the twins’ mother, and as you could probably tell she’s quite verbally abusive,” Sabine explained crossly.
“A bit like Mei, then.”
“Yes, I suppose she is a bit like Mom,” Sabine frowned.“So, Marcia, what are you making today?” Claire asked in the hotel’s kitchen. “I am making my own recipe of canja, with a twist!” Marcia replied, showing the camera her station. “Cool! What’s the twist?” “Magic!” Claire did a double-take. “When I learned that Earth does indeed have magic that is not from a ‘Kwami’ I decided to find some and experiment with it. And now I will show you how I use it to speed up my cooking!” “This is exciting, folks! The first confirmed televised showing of Earth magic!” Claire said after composing herself. The other chefs looked on, interested. Marcia exhaled, then began to wave her hands while mumbling the recipe to herself in Portuguese. Her hands erupted in yellow light that she began to weave and mold together until she had a disk roughly a foot across hovering a few inches above the counter. She placed a pot of olive oil and herbs on it and stirred, an herbal odor rising from it as the oil and herbs emulsified into sofrito within seconds. Removing the pot, she replaced it with a pan of chicken breasts and tomato halves that sealed in five seconds, then put them in the pot and let it sit for another five seconds. Marcia then produced a wooden spoon and used it to mash the chicken into a shredded pulp, added water, rice, carrots, celery, and potatoes, and let it simmer for thirty seconds. “And done!” Achina checked the temperature of the canja with a heat gun. “I don’t believe it! It’s cooked through! And it’s not even been two minutes!” she exclaimed. “Yes, and the best part? This magic is safe to touch!” Marcia laughed as she removed the pot and picked up the disk with her bare hands. “See? I have no burns! And now that I’m done with this, you all can use it too! It would only be fair, after all.” Wang frowned while the other chefs eagerly got in line. Not because of the magic, he could see how useful that would be, but because he didn’t understand most of the language. Not having had the means to learn French earlier in life, what French he did have was rather broken. Then he inhaled the scent of thyme and oil and he didn’t feel quite so lonely anymore; for a Cheng, food didn’t need any translation. And if there was one thing that Wang Cheng was good at doing in the kitchen, it was thinking on the fly.“And they’re done!” Claire said as the chefs presented their soups to the camera.
Alec nearly fell over in surprise. “WHAT?! It’s only been like ten minutes! You’d need magic to…annnnd I just remembered that magic exists. Nevermind! Ignore me!” “Let’s dish ‘em out and see how our judges like them!” Claire said. Wang watched as the other chefs sent out their soups and had them rated on a scale from 1 to 10. Lena’s borscht earned a 39, Amadin’s Edo black soup earned a 42, Zack’s cream of mushroom soup earned a 55, Marcia’s canja edged one over at 56, and Achina’s kosraean earned the lowest score at 37. Now it was Wang’s turn, and he exhaled trepidatiously. “Time to serve.” “Wow, I’ve never seen anything like it!” Alec said after Wang uncovered his pot. “Why is it purple?” Wang spoke and Sabine translated. “It’s based on a puree made from purple cabbage & ube along with cauliflower, celery, and white onions, thinned with vegetable stock and given a dash of ground edible violets to enhance the color further. He calls it ‘Celestial Soup’ as it reminds him of the night sky. He actually invented it today.” “And you’ll be the first people in the world to try it! After Mr. Cheng himself of course.” Claire motioned for the cameraman to get closer to get a better look at the soup. “Well, this looks like a soup that could–” The cameraman stepped on a stray wire and tripped, pitching the camera right into the soup lensfirst. “–get ruined by a camera.” “Forget the soup, what about the camera?! We’ll have to find a replacement until this one gets fixed!” the cameraman replied frantically. “And Wang will have to remake the soup, I don’t know where that camera’s been,” Sabine added while making a face. “It should not take long, I can just make the magic stove again,” Marcia said. “Hold on just a minute!” Everyone turned to look at Audrey. “You’re seriously giving him another chance?! He just ruined the whole show! I say you fire him right now!” “Uh…honey, we weren’t hired for this,” Zack pointed out. “So what? You’re still getting paid to be here! So don’t pay him! Must I do everything?” “But Ms. Lee, how will Mr. Cheng get home without the money from the filming?” Marlena asked. “Who cares? As long as he doesn’t badger me for a plane ticket it isn’t my concern.” Something inside Wang snapped. An akuma flew into his toque and transformed him into a blue-skinned humanoid whose robe resembled that of a kung fu grandmaster, the fringes decorated with pictures of various fruits, vegetables, and fish. “So!” Wang bellowed in perfect French, “I’m not given a fair chance to prove my kettle’s mettle, am I? Well, we’ll see about THAT!” He slammed his hands together and the room erupted in white flour. “In order to leave the hotel, you must first escape from your various prisons, then beat me in armed combat! I decide the arms!” When the flour settled he was the only person there.“Extrauniversal labyrinth-type gauntlet,” Tikki said after teleporting into Marinette’s cell, which looked rather a lot like the inside of a milk carton. “You say that like you’ve seen one before,” Marinette remarked. “Fifty-five, actually. They’re pretty popular. Is there a door or something?” Marinette turned around and saw that there was, indeed, a doorway. The only problem was the door itself. “Tikki, don’t look now but the door is a giant galette.” Tikki looked. “Huh. Food-themed villain, then.” She flew over and took a bite of the crust, exposing a layer of red jelly that she licked. “It’s strawberry flavor. Wait a minute…didn’t you once tell me that your favorite food is your dad’s strawberry galettes?” “Yeah, I once ate myself sick with two dozen mini-galettes when I was five. And if the only way out of here is to eat it then I’m definitely going to get sick.” “Luckily, you have me.” Tikki reached into her jaws and rearranged her teeth until they’d been converted into a sharp pair of ladybug mandibles. Clicking them once, she quickly chewed through the giant galette until none of it was left. She restored her teeth and let out a small burp. “Oh! Excuse me!” “…what the fuck, Tikki.” “I’m an immortal cosmic being beyond your comprehension, kiddo. Now let’s find your friends!” “CAMEMBERT!” Plagg exclaimed before swallowing the wall of camembert in front of him like a black hole swallowing a star. His belly noticeably bulged like a balloon once he’d finished. “Oh, man, when we get home I’m gonna go into another food coma.” “Plagg, you are terrifying,” Adrien said meekly. “It’s a living,” the god shrugged. “Now put your claws on and find a way out of here!”“That’s a…lot of chouquettes,” Zoe said as she eyed a door made of solid puff pastry. “Even for two stomachs I don’t think we’ll be able to make it through by eating it.” “Can’t we just punch it?” Chloe asked. Zoe shrugged and they walked over to the door, then punched through it with all three hands. When they pulled them back, however, the holes healed shut. Chloe tore off a piece and put it in her mouth, chewed it, swallowed, and saw that the torn crust didn’t heal. “Damnit! Eating it’s the only way out!” They groaned before ripping holes in the door and shoving pastry down their throats. “Ugh…all that soup’s reacting with the sugar…” Zoe groaned. “Look on the bright side, given how tall Mom is we’re bound to hit a growth spurt soon, so we won’t end up too fat for our knees to hold up.” Chloe huffed after swallowing. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Did we need more proof that our mom hates Asians?” “I feel bad for Mr. Cheng, stuck in another country with a language he can barely speak, humiliated on TV…good thing it’s not live TV, at least. And that soup sounded yummy, too.” Zoe reached through the hole she’d chewed and felt something hard. “Wait…that’s a doorknob!” She twisted and the door opened. “Wow! It’s a trick! You only need to eat enough door to find the knob!” She blinked and groaned. “Why is this my life?!” “Girls!” Ladybug and Chat raced over. “Are you okay?” Chat asked. “Aside from the upcoming stomachaches? Peachy.” “Do NOT talk to me about peaches right now,” Chloe moaned. “Have we found an exit?” “No, but these rooms seem to lead down that tunnel, or is it more of a funnel?” Ladybug pondered. “Let’s see where it goes.” The four girls followed the corridor down to another food door, this one a giant slab of meat. “Oh god,” Zoe gagged after recognizing the smell. “Swordfish. My least favorite food. Most fish I like the taste of but don’t eat because it makes me gassy, but that just tastes like how memory foam smells.” “And it’s the one fish even I won’t touch,” Chloe agreed. “Well, besides shark, that is.” Ladybug suddenly groaned and facepalmed. “Oh my god, it’s a pun: the password is always swordfish.” The twins groaned with her. The door suddenly opened. The trio looked up to see Chat Noire wiping her mouth, a hole eaten in the door while they weren’t paying attention. “What? I’m a cat,” she said defensively. “What was I supposed to do when presented with fish?”After going through the swordfish door the girls saw a white light in the middle of an arena. Entering it, they found themselves back in the real world. Bunnyx was sparring against Wang with a literal carrot spear, the possessed chef using various martial arts moves. “About time you showed up!” Bunnyx complained. “Sorry, Bun, we got sucked in by the flour cloud,” Ladybug apologized. “What’s the matter, Bunnyx? I thought rabbits liked carrots,” Wang sneered. “Nuh-uh! Carrots are rabbit junk food ‘cuz of all the sugar! They give rabbits diabetes!” Bunnyx retorted as she swung her carrot. Wang swung back harder and sent her flying, a quick click of the parasol saving her from crashing. “Now, who ELSE will challenge Kung Food?” Wang bellowed. “Oh my– is THAT your name? Seriously, Cock Moth?” Ladybug burst out laughing. “I have a call I need to be on soon, I panicked!” Hawk Moth protested through a visor. “So challenge Ladybug and Chat Noire to a duel and get their Miraculous already!” “Of course,” Wang smirked. He summoned a mace consisting of a nutmeg fruit impaled on a stick and started advancing on Ladybug and Chat. “CHENG!” The room went quiet as a furious Audrey marched up to him, her stomach looking rather bloated. “I had to eat my way through five inches each of foie gras and swordfish to get out of there, and I have had it with you! You’re fired!” “Wood-fired,” Wang replied as he summoned a plain pizza and threw it at her, drenching her with sauce and oil. “Don’t interfere, my fight’s with Ladybug and Chat Noire.” “You don’t pass Audrey Lee over for some dumb little bug and her flea-riddled sidekick!” Audrey sneered as she shoved the heroines aside. “I can stop you myself, because I am EXCEPTIONAL!” “Have it your way,” Wang sighed as he gave Audrey a hamburger hammer. “I’ll fight you first, then.” Audrey roared at him and the fight began…lasting all of twenty seconds. Chloe and Zoe tried to hold in their laughter, but someone else beat them to it. “That was so fast!” Alya, who was there in the audience to support her mother, giggled, her phone up and recording. “You can’t film me you little brat!” Audrey declared, flicking a pickle out of her hair. “Actually, she can.” Audrey’s gaze snapped over to Andre, who was smirking at her. “Normally filming someone without their consent is illegal in Paris, but special permission was given to the Ladyblog specifically by the president for akuma attacks alone due to their magical nature. And since this is an akuma attack…” “You’re a spineless twatwaffle, Andre Bourgeois.” “Sorry, if you were trying to get me akumatized that's already happened.” “Ladybug, now it is our time to fight,” Wang said impatiently, summoning a pair of chain whips made of knotted licorice. “Do you need a weapon?” “Nope, I can make one myself! Lucky Charm!” Ladybug received a giant fork. “This is your last course, Wang! And Chat and I are going dutch!” Wang raised an eyebrow. “We’re in France.” “‘Going dutch’ means we share the bill equally!” Chat said as she swung her staff at Wang’s back, making him stumble. “And today we’re paying in CRASH!” While the girls fought Wang, Tom and Sabine emerged from the gauntlet. “Wang!” Sabine gasped. “Oh, no. What do we do, Tom?” “We help Ladybug,” Tom said, cracking his knuckles. “Time to pound his cake into the ground! TOMS AWAY!” He charged at Wang from behind and plowed into him. Wang scowled, not expecting to face an opponent his size, and began to wrestle with him. Bunnyx staggered over to the twins. “Alright, he cleaned my clock pretty good, so to speak, I’m still seeing bunnies and stars. You got any ideas?” “There’s still a lot of flour on the floor,” Chloe said as the gears in her head turned. “Seems pretty slippery. Anyone got a broom? Or a shovel?” “No, but we do have several pots of soup,” Sabine said as she eyed the pots. “And the first ingredient of any soup is water.” The twins caught on. “Got it!” Zoe said. They hobbled over and hefted Zack’s pot, then Sabine took the canja and Bunnyx took the kosraean. Walking over to where the flour on the floor was the thickest they dumped the soup on the floor, turning the flour into paste. “Girls! Mr. Dupain! Over here!” Girls and baker began corralling Wang onto the patch of paste. Losing his footing when one of his shoes got stuck, Wang was sent ass over kettle onto the floor. “Where’s the akuma?” Chat asked. “In his hat!” Chat nodded, swiped the toque, and Cataclysmed it. The moth flew out and was purified, and then it started drinking the spilled soup until Ladybug shooed it away. The Cure destroyed the pocket universe & freed its prisoners, refilled the soup, restored the toque, and cleaned everything. Their job done, the heroines all fled. Audrey frowned. “Well, at least that superhero cleaned my clothes. But I’m still livid!” “You don’t scare me anymore,” Wang replied with a sneer…in French. He blinked. “What? What’s going on? How can I speak and understand French?” “You got akumatized, Uncle Wang,” Sabine said gently. “And it looks like there are some lingering side effects.” “Akuma…what?” “I’ll explain while you remake your soup.” Wang looked at Claire, who nodded.“And the total score for Celestial Soup is…fifty-four! Looks like Marcia Silva wins!” Wang bowed to Marcia. “From one cook to another, good job.” “Are you sure you are not going to get another moth in your hat?” Marcia asked. “Why would I? I lost fairly, it was being denied a chance to prove myself that got me turned.” Marcia nodded in recognition. “But scoring third place on a soup that I literally invented this afternoon is impressive in its own right.” “I don’t believe it!” Audrey fumed after the replacement camera went elsewhere to film Claire giving the outro. “Zack, why are you in second place?!” “I must’ve kept the soup on the magic thing for too long,” Zack guessed. “D’ohhhh, Clambake I just know you had something to do with it! Giving two scores just because you have two heads!” “Uh…both of us gave your new husband’s soup a ten, Mom,” Chloe said flatly. “It was the other judges who gave it harsher scores.” “I don’t like cream of mushroom,” Adrien said with a wince. “Sorry.” Audrey growled. “This is not the last time you’ve heard of me! You’re all fired! Zack, come!” Zack waved to the judges and followed her out of the hotel. “Why did she marry a chef?” Tom questioned. “Because she can’t cook,” Zoe replied. “When we were little, any time when Daddy was late coming home from work and we weren’t at a friend’s house our butler had to make dinner because Mom can burn anything except water. And now that there’s magic around she can probably burn water too.” She burped and made a face. “And there’s the gas. And that is why I don’t eat fish.” “Your mother seems like a dreadful person, girls,” Sabine said gently. “But there is something good that she made, and that’s the both of you.” “Thanks, Ms. Cheng,” Chloe smiled, and then burped. “Sorry!” “Mr. Bourgeois?” Wang asked. “Would you be willing to let me stay in this hotel until I’m ready to go back to Shanghai? I’d like to get to know my niece’s family and bakery.” “I’ll see if we have any rooms, it’s the least I could do after you got akumatized,” Andre replied graciously. “It wasn’t your fault, Mr. Bourgeois. It was Hawk Moth’s fault…and your ex-wife’s too.”
“With you there.” Then he burped. “Sorry! It’s genetic!”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Alright, gang, here’s what we know so far.” Alya whacked her mom’s whiteboard with her marker, Marinette, the Bourgeois twins, Juleka, and Rose in attendance. “Hawk Moth has a son that he’s very protective of, a wife who’s a comic book geek, and he seems to know Nathalie Sancoeur close enough to akumatize someone on her behalf. Also, he akumatized Simon Grimault really fast and I have no idea if that means he lives in the area of the KIDZ+ studio, but I’m gonna roll with it for the time being!” “He akumatized my uncle really fast too, Alya, does that mean he lives in the Grand Paris Hotel?” Marinette asked. “That is a ridiculous, utterly RIDICULOUS idea,” Chloe scoffed. “We would know if Hawk Moth was in the hotel, the maids would’ve heard him gloating.” “And there’s not enough space to raise a bunch of death’s-head hawk moths,” Zoe added. “I mean, seriously, those things eat honey. Hawk Moth would need an entire garden full of beehives just to sustain a breeding population.” “Really? They eat honey?” Rose asked, intrigued. “Yeah, they raid beehives. They look like bees and even smell like bees to make the worker bees think they’re the queen so they’ll be left alone.” “Should we look for people who are buying a lot of bee stuff yet don’t seem like the kind of person who would have bees?” Juleka asked. “Maybe,” Alya remarked before writing “Find bee store?” on the board.Gabriel was having a similar meeting with Nathalie. “Alright, so we know that the Heroes of Paris are about Adrien’s age, they’ve recruited a third heroine to their ranks which means there are other Miraculous in Paris beyond the four that we already knew about, and they may attend Francoise Dupont since they seem to be able to get there incredibly fast,” Gabriel said. “So what do I do?” “Well, if they’re superheroes then they surely love fighting you,” Nathalie pondered. “Or at the very least making fun of you, that seems to be a highlight. Perhaps use that.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, a villain who forces you to confess the things that you like. Being a superhero should be at the top of Ladybug and Chat Noire’s lists. I’ll start with Ms. Bustier’s class since many of my best villains have come from there.” “Sabrina was even better than you, if I recall.” Gabriel gave her a withering look. “Sorry. Continue.” “Let’s see…well, I’m not akumatizing my own son, Marinette is off-limits, and I’ve spent enough time with Chloe and Zoe that I’m not entirely sure I’d feel comfortable akumatizing them either. So that only leaves Le Chien Kim.” “And Ms. Bustier herself, of course.” “Yes, and her.”Caline Bustier woke up and yawned. She got dressed, took a diphenhydramine pill, packed her briefcase, and headed downstairs, gingerly so as not to jostle her stomach. “Good morning, honey.” “Morning, Cal,” Gisele Bustier smiled as she kissed her wife. “Breakfast is on the table, have you taken your nausea meds yet?” “Yes, I have. Have you taken your hormones yet?” “Just about to.” Gisele downed the estrogen pill in question. “What’s on the schedule today?” “We’ve got a discussion of The Count of Monte Cristo today, along with a lesson on the First Indochina War. Not a very exciting birthday, huh?” “Which is objectively the best kind of birthday.” Gisele handed her a cup of water. “Happy birthday, babe. Now eat your breakfast and teach your kids about the world. Hopefully some of it will rub off onto Harmonie.” Caline smiled and patted her belly. “Hopefully.”“Happy birthday, Ms. Bustier!” Marinette said, handing her teacher a box of macarons. “I didn’t drop them this time!” “Oh, Marinette! You didn’t need to do this!” Ms. Bustier cried. “I felt like I had to. Besides, you’re eating for two, I figured you could use the extra calories.” “She’s so thoughtful, isn’t she?” Bustier asked her stomach. She opened the box and saw that it contained fifteen somewhat large & highly colorful macarons. “Wow, that’s a lot of colors.” “It’s a gift from all of us, Ms. Bustier,” Nathaniel said. “Marinette did all the hard baking stuff, but we suggested the flavors. Each one is from one of us.” “Yep!” Marinette nodded before counting off on her fingers. “The strawberry’s mine, the passionfruit is Adrien’s, the grape is Alya’s, the orange is Nino’s, the honey lemon is Chloe’s, the banana cream is Zoe’s, the blueberry is Sabrina’s, the pistachio is Alix’s, the black raspberry is Juleka’s, the peach is Max’s, the cherry is Nathaniel’s, the vanilla is Ivan’s, the butterscotch is Mylene’s, the cinnamon apple is Kim’s, and the rosewater is, well, Rose’s!” “I felt like I had to do it at some point,” Rose giggled. “Awww, thanks kids!” Bustier said as she put the box of macarons inside of her desk. “And as your reward, you get to choose which chapter of The Count of Monte Cristo to discuss today!” The students found this an acceptable reward and took out their books.“I honestly can’t believe you ate five of those things,” Olga said in disbelief during lunch. “What can I say? Marinette’s good at this,” Caline shrugged as she licked the last bit of peach cream off her thumb. “And my blood sugar’s been low lately due to Harmonie, so I think I needed a snack anyway. I’ll take the rest of them home and have five of them after dinner, then I’ll eat the rest of them for breakfast tomorrow morning.” “Does your wife know about this plan to spoil your appetite?” “She will,” Caline shrugged as she closed the box. Denis approached them. “Oh, hello Denis. What’s up?” “I just got news from the board,” Denis began. “They’re trying to axe the akuma therapy again,” Olga guessed. “No, they stopped talking about that after you got changed. No, it’s good news that I have today. Caline, you’re getting two new students in January!” “I am?” she asked, surprised. “You are! Not only that, but they’re foreign exchange students! One of them’s the heiress of Tsurugi Industries, and the other’s the daughter of an Italian diplomat!” “Wait, Tsurugi Industries? As in the people who made the breakroom fridge? The one that we haven’t been able to fix because their tech support refuses to help us?” “I keep saying you should just let me fix it,” Olga muttered. “Yes, that Tsurugi Industries,” he confirmed. “Now, Tomoe Tsurugi has already sent her daughter’s information to my office, apparently Kagami is on the autism spectrum and she’ll need some extra accommodations. I understand that you have some training for working with special-needs students?” “Marinette wouldn’t be in my class if I didn’t,” Caline replied. “Splendid! I’ll send you her transcripts and her tutor’s notes. I’ll contact Ms. Rossi to see if we can get Lila’s documentation by the end of the week.”“Ms. Bustier, are you alright?” Sabrina asked after lunch. “I’m fine, Sabrina, I’m fine!” Ms. Bustier replied hastily, not wanting to show her anxiety of getting one and possibly two internationally famous students added to her class; she already had her hands full with Adrien and the Bourgeois twins, and to a lesser extent Alya and Juleka as well. “So, let’s turn to Page 348 in our history textbooks!” “You gonna be okay, Kim?” Ivan asked after finding said page. “This stuff’s about the French going to war with Vietnam over them wanting to be independent.” “Nah, don’t worry, I’ll be fine! Honest! I’ve heard this stuff before from Dad,” Kim replied. “Yeah, the president back then was a total jackass, but he’s dead! He can’t do anything to hurt me.” “Well, do be warned, Kim, there were some…unpleasant things done to Vietnam by the French during that war,” Bustier said nervously. “And before it by the Japanese.” “Is that why you’re nervous, Ms. Bustier? I’m sorry if I made you worry I’ll freak.” “No, no, it’s not you at all, I’m just…uh…” And then, to everyone’s surprise, an akuma phased through the blackboard and possessed her hairpin. When she emerged from the cloud of smog she was gray-skinned and stitched-together, her dress black and pink & the hairpin joined by two sharp knitting needles impaling her bun. “Well, how about we get our troubles out of the way? Hello, kids! My name is Zombizou, and I want to know your five most favorite things in the world!” She then ripped her own lips, now painted black, clean off her jaws, exposing all of her teeth at once. “EWWW!” most of the class screamed. “Mood,” said Juleka and Ivan at the same time before staring at each other. “Jinx,” Ivan said at last, causing Juleka to sigh and snap her fingers in disappointment. Bustier’s disembodied lips started growing in size until they were three feet tall, hovering in midair. Then they sprayed a jet of black gas right at Marinette. “Marinette! Glad you’re going first! What are your favorite five things in the world?” “Strawberry galettes, making strawberry galettes, designing clothes, hamster videos, and beating my online friends at Ultimate Mecha Strike 3!” Marinette was forced to say. “Wow! I dig it! You’re dismissed.” The lips then proceeded to pick Marinette up with another jet of black gas and dumped her outside the room, slamming the door behind her. “Adrien, what do you like the most?” “Stinky cheese, any Mecha Strike game, anime, passionfruit, and particle physics!” Adrien joined Marinette outside the classroom. “Well, that was weird. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and try not to barf at the memory of her ripping her lips off.” Marinette made a face, only partly for show. “I’ll do that too, but in the girl’s bathroom.” They ran away to the bathrooms, transformed, and unknowingly regrouped. “Oh, hey Chat. You’re here fast.” “Feline hearing, I heard the screams of children,” Chat said. “Me too. Do we know who the villain is?”
Chat looked through the window in the door, saw Ms. Bustier interrogating Chloe and Zoe, and recoiled. “Ms. Bustier. Psychic zombie with magic lips. Don’t look at her face.” “Too late,” Ladybug said, looking sick. The door opened and twins were deposited in front of them. “Who needs to sleep tonight anyway?” Chloe snarked. “Girls, it’s Ms. Bustier. She’s a zombie with magic lips whose breath makes you tell the truth. I can’t believe Cock Moth would akumatize a pregnant woman.” “At least she’s not a kissing villain, I don’t want to kiss someone against my will,” Zoe said. “Or theirs. Plus she’s like, twice my age and married, that would be weird.” “Shit,” Ladybug frowned. “Hawk Moth planned this akuma ahead of time. He’s trying to find out who our secret identities are, and he’s using Ms. Bustier to see which of your classmates that might be.” “That would explain why she dumped Marinette, Adrikins, and us outside the classroom after interrogating us,” Chloe said as Alix was dumped next to them. “Hey sweetie. What did she make you say?” “I listed my top five favorite street artists,” Alix replied. “Nothing incriminating about bunnies if that’s what you’re worried about.” “That it would be,” Chat confirmed. “Whatever you do, don’t get hit by her gas. If you say the same things as Bunnyx that you said in there she’ll know it’s you.” Alya was dumped next to them. “Are we doing a thing?” “Oh, we’re doing ALL the things,” Ladybug replied. “Let’s wait for Nino to get here and then we can go.” Nino was dumped near them. “He’s here, let’s go.” “How is she not seeing us?” Chloe questioned. “She’s a teacher, her tunnel vision must be nuts,” Alix guessed.“So how do we stop her?” Bunnyx asked as she strolled into the courtyard, freshly-transformed. “I mean, we can’t hit a pregnant woman, the baby will get hurt.” “Well, she’s obviously zombie-themed, maybe we lure her out of the school with brains?” Chloe suggested. “Where would we even find brains, though?” “In Haiti where zombies were invented they were dead people resurrected by a necromancer with no free will,” Nino pondered. “There’s also like, a kind of ghost zombie that can be stuffed in a bottle and sold.” “Do they eat brains?” Alya asked. “Actually, no, George Romero invented that trope wholesale,” Zoe replied. “My sister the film geek, everyone,” Chloe said while gesturing at Zoe’s face. “I thought she was the bug geek,” Nino said. “I can be multiple kinds of geek at the same time, babe,” Zoe said playfully while giving him a wink that made him blush. “Anyway, I don’t think Ms. Bustier acts like any of the zombies we’ve seen in movies, aside from the whole detachable body parts thing. But if what Nino said is right then we might be dealing with another mind control villain.” “It might involve her breath,” Chat frowned. “Anyone marked by it could be turned into a minion. That would also help expose Alix’s secret identity. Do we know what the akumatized item is?” “It’s her hairpin,” Alya said. “I kinda figured given the giant knitting needles. Don’t wanna end up on the other end of those. Milady?” Ladybug was tapping her chin in thought throughout the entire conversation. “If she’s obsessed with finding out what the five things that people like the most are, maybe we need to put her with someone extremely indecisive or single-minded, or at the very least someone who won’t pick favorites for whatever reason. That might break her, or at the very least distract her long enough for us to take off her pin.” She suddenly snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it!”“Okay, that’s the ninth grade taken care of!” Caline said cheerfully, Olga’s students now standing outside the room. “And none of them are Ladybug or Chat Noire!” “Caline, please, fight it! You can’t give that bastard what he wants!” Olga protested. “Hmmm…Olga, what do you like the most?” Caline sprayed gas at Olga. “Physics, chemistry, biology, paleontology, and math,” Olga was forced to recite. She grimaced. “Rotten move, Hawk Moth, holding an unborn and wanted baby hostage to get your way.” “I’m going to talk to the eighth-graders now!” Caline said cheerfully as she began to walk out of the room. “Not so fast, Ms. Bustier!” Alya said as she came into view. “Mr. Damocles would like to speak with you first!” “Do I have to?” Denis asked fearfully. “Oh god, I can see all of her teeth at once.” “Don’t focus on her mouth, Mr. Damocles! Focus on her hair!” Denis looked up at Caline’s bun and composed himself. “Alright.” “Hey Ms. Bustier, why don’t you ask Mr. Damocles who his favorite students are?” Nino called into the room. “Good question, Nino!” Caline sprayed her gas as Denis. “Top five favorite students, go!” “What? I can’t answer that question!” Denis protested. “For two very good reasons!” “Oh?” she asked, not expecting that answer. While she was distracted, Ladybug picked up the Bourgeois twins and carried them to a spot behind their teacher. “First of all, I don’t spend enough time with the 130 or so students who attend this school, and second of all that would be very unprofessional of me! I’m an educator, we’re not supposed to pick favorites! Sure, there may be students we dislike dealing with more than others, but we’re not supposed to let that inspire hatred of the students in question! Actually, wait, no, I was wrong.” “You have favorite students after all?” Caline asked excitedly while the twins got in position. “No, I have a third reason why I can’t tell you who my five favorite students are. I’ve been an educator for thirty-two years! That’s over four thousand students who’ve been in my care, I can’t possibly remember all of them! So how would I be able to pick a favorite student if I can’t remember who that is?” Caline’s eye twitched. “Why you little–” “YOINK!” Zoe said as she and Chloe slid the needles out of Caline’s bun with their outer hands, causing it to sag enough for Chloe to snatch the pin with her left hand. “Sorry, Ms. Bustier, but it’s time to return to the land of the living!” “I don’t think so!” Caline whipped around and her forearms separated from her humeri at the elbows. They shot outwards, pinning the twins to the wall, the pin fallng to the floor. Her lips spewed gas at the pin to pick it up, but a yo-yo snagged the pin first and pulled it away. “YOU!” “ME!” Ladybug sneered from above. “Zombizou, now’s your chance! Gas her!” Hawk Moth ordered. “How about I get ALL THREE?!” Caline lifted her lips and made them spin rapidly while spewing gas, hitting Chat Noire and Bunnyx when she tried to catch Caline offguard with Burrow hard enough to send them to the floor. She then kicked her lips into the air, catching Ladybug and forcing her to land. “And now, tell me your five most favorite things!” “Cookies, galettes, hats, protecting the innocent, and training new champions of the Ladybug Miraculous,” Ladybug said. “Camembert, sleeping, eating, napping, and snarking,” Chat said. “Carrots, grass, people who are nice to their pet rabbits, seeing alternate timelines, and inventing new powers with each new Rabbit champion,” Bunnyx said. The room went quiet. “Inventing new powers with each new Rabbit champion?” The handle of her parasol popped open. “Kwami of Evolution, Bun. Each new Rabbit gets a new set of extra powers tailored to the world they live in,” Fluff explained. “Huh. Neat.” “Wait a minute…Ms. Bustier didn’t get what our civilian selves like the most, she got what our Kwamis like the most!” Ladybug gasped. “I’ve never trained a new Ladybug champion, Bunnyx doesn’t eat grass, and Chat Noire certainly isn’t that lazy!” “I did?” Caline asked, tilting her head to the side. “Ignore her! Bunnyx has used her power, she’ll be detransforming in the next few minutes!” Hawk Moth ordered. “So keep her here!” “Not a chance! LUCKY CHARM!” Ladybug got a beach towel and threw it at Caline’s face, blocking her vision. With her arms pinning the twins to the wall she couldn’t just pull it off, and since she couldn’t see her lips didn’t know what to grab. “Chat, catch!” She threw the pin at her partner. “Got it!” Chat said. “Cataclysm!” The pin turned into ash, freeing the moth which was swiftly purified. Ladybug removed the towel from Caline’s head and threw it into the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure restored Caline to her original form, which was thankfully the only thing it needed to do, and the three heroines booked it. Caline groaned. “What…why am I here?” “NEVER TURN INTO A ZOMBIE AGAIN!” Denis shouted before composing himself. “Sorry, Caline, your akumatized form was just utterly terrifying. I’m glad to have you back.” “Akuma– oh, no…” “It wasn’t your fault,” Olga said gently. “It was Cock Moth’s. Trust me, I’ve been there.” “You’re doing it too, huh?” Caline chuckled joylessly. “Ah…I think I have some explaining to do to my kids…” “And US!” The teachers turned around to see Olga’s students marching back into the classroom, Connor looking particularly miffed. “Eheheheh…I’m fucked.”“Ms. Bustier, are you alright?” Max asked. “No, Max. To be honest, I’ve been a little anxious today ever since lunch,” Ms. Bustier sighed. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this, but…we’re getting two new students after Christmas break.” “Wait, really?!” Alix exclaimed. “Yes, Mr. Damocles told me himself. Two girls, one from a very prominent family and the other from a family that is likely also very prominent.” She exhaled. “I started worrying about making a good impression on them when they come, it’s only my first year teaching and there’s still a lot I think I need to learn, and I guess that’s how Hawk Moth possessed me. What was I…like?” “You turned into a zombie who made people say what their favorite things were,” Alya said as she showed her a picture of her akumatized self. “I think Hawk Moth was trying to see if anyone in our school was secretly a superhero.” “Okay, now I understand why Denis freaked out,” Bustier winced before her eyes widened. “Wait, Harmonie!” “Don’t worry, you weren’t hit once,” Zoe said reassuringly. “Although Hawk Moth possessing a pregnant woman has some worrying implications.” “Yeah, I do not wanna think about what kind of monster he could’ve made out of a fetus,” Chloe cringed. Bustier put her hand on her belly. “Harmonie? Are you alright?” She felt a faint little kick. “Oh, thank goodne– wait. That was your first kick!” Her eyes started watering. “Ohhh, this has been the weirdest birthday! You know what? You need a free period so you can properly settle down from what happened, and I’m going to tell Denis that I need to go home early and rest.” “We get it, Ms. Bustier,” Sabrina smiled. “And as class representative it’s my duty to take care of us while you’re unavailable. I’ll make sure that we all read that chapter while you’re gone.” “Looks like we’re not getting out of this lesson, Kim,” Ivan chuckled. “You kidding me? I like history! It’s the one thing that I actually get,” Kim replied. “Mood,” Chloe agreed. “Why does everyone keep stealing my line today?” Juleka mumbled to herself.Gabriel groaned into his hands. “Why did that not work?” “I think it had to do with the glamour,” Nooroo pondered. “Since it’s meant to change the champion’s appearance the Kwami’s soul necessarily integrates with the human’s, so a mind-reading akumatized who tries to read a transformed Miraculous wearer’s mind would get mixed up and read the wrong mind.” “I see. I’ll have to be more specific with the next such akuma. And I’ll have to choose a target who isn’t pregnant. Why didn’t anyone tell me she was expecting? I wouldn’t have akumatized her if I knew she was expecting,” Gabriel muttered to himself as he secured the Hawk Moth Brooch and left the atelier. Once Nooroo was absolutely certain that Gabriel couldn’t hear him, he burst into laughter. His technobabble had fooled his unchosen champion completely. The truth was that Nooroo had deliberately hindered the akuma’s abilities so Caline Bustier wouldn’t be able to discern the minds of the heroines from those of their Kwamis, all to keep the girls from being exposed. By now he was fairly certain that he knew who Ladybug and Bunnyx were – Bunnyx was absolutely Alix Kubdel, her diction made it incredibly obvious, and Ladybug was probably Marinette Dupain-Cheng given that their respective ADHDs produced the exact same neural patterns and she’d somehow managed to escape akumatization even before her father forbade it. Not that he’d ever tell Gabriel their identities. As the Kwami of Creation Tikki was free to use Lucky Charm to make whatever she wanted, to the point where she was known to give seemingly useless objects to her champions if they were misbehaving. As the Kwami of Destruction Plagg could only destroy what his champions wanted to destroy and nothing more. Nooroo, being a “second-tier” Kwami, was somewhere in the middle – he had to obey his champion’s will, but if they were too vague with the details he was able to fudge things a little without their knowledge. In other words, Nooroo’s kamikos would only transmit to his champion what he was asked to transmit to his champion – and if they didn’t ask, he wouldn’t tell.
Nooroo finished laughing, satisfied that his scheme had gone off without a hitch, and flew over to his table to enjoy some well-earned hibiscus tea. Ooh, a yellow kind instead of the standard red, that was new. He’d have to remember to thank Gabriel for introducing him to it after he found a champion that was truly worthy of his power, broke Duusu’s curse, brought Emilie back to the waking world, helped Adrien transition, and sent Gabriel’s skinny ass straight to prison where by this point it probably belonged. Hey, it’s tough to be a god.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“And hold!” Click. “Excellent work, Mr. Agreste!” Vincent Roullier said as he lowered his camera. “This year’s Christmas issue will be one of your best!” “I sure hope so,” Adrien said as he broke his pose. “Can I have a look?” Roullier nodded and let Adrien take a look at the pictures. “They’re very nice.” “Oh, you hate them! What did I do wrong?” “It’s not you, it’s just…me. For some reason I feel…ugly. And I don’t know why.” Roullier frowned. “Perhaps it is the sweater?” “Maybe,” Adrien said, looking at his tacky green holiday sweater in disgust. “I’m just glad this was the last photo of me that they needed for the ‘ironic sweater collection’.” After Vincent moved on to the next model he felt something in his pocket buzz. “Huh?”
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Nino
ADRIEN CALIFORNIA AGRESTE
Adrien
That’s…not any of my middle names?
Nino
wait u have more than one
Chloe
He has FIVE. His full name is Adrien Avitianus Adelemus Artaldus Auspicius Athanase Agreste. His grandparents wanted to name him after a saint and his mom decided to troll them by making his name acronymize to “AAAAAAA”.
Adrien
BETRAYAL!
Anyway, what’s up Nino?
Nino
i scored tickets to solitude!
Adrien
THE MOVIE MY MOM WAS IN?!
Nino
yep! its at the sorbonne this week! i heard of it n decided to make it a guys trip thing where u, me, n the homies watch it together
its spposed 2 b rly good
Max
The “homies” being myself, Kim, Ivan, Nathaniel, and Marc.
Adrien
That sounds awesome! I’d love to watch it with you guys! It’s been so long since I’ve seen it!
I’ll ask Father ASAP!
Adrien dialed Gabriel. “Adrien, what’s going on?” Gabriel asked. “Father, some of my friends from school invited me to a screening of Solitude. I’d love to share it with them, and I finished my photoshoot.” “I don’t know why I’m still surprised by how fast Vincent works. Alright, you may go, but you should probably wear a disguise. I don’t want a repeat of the sculpture incident.” Adrien grimaced. “Good idea. See you later, Father.” He hung up.
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Adrien
I can go! But I need a disguise first.
Nino
thats cool adrien! its not showin till three anyway and its noon now.
Kim
do u have any wigs or sumthin? that might help.
Max
Kim is right, the more significant the change in your appearance the less likely you are to be recognized.
Adrien pondered this. “What would make me look really different?” Then he looked around himself and saw various items: a package of face masks, an open case of various makeup products, some contact lenses, a dress with a hood that had been rejected for the photoshoot due to “subpar stitching”, and a black shoulder-length wig. For some reason the idea of combining them all together made him giddy. Then he remembered what today was. “I sure hope Plagg doesn’t ruin what I’m about to do…” In his haste to leave for Fu’s he may have forgotten to tell Placide about his plans.“It’s now or never, Sabrina. This isn’t scary. Your dad’s been akumatized, you’ve been akumatized, this is NOTHING compared to that! This is just a silly little crush…on two hot blondes you’ve been crushing on ever since you were ten…daaaaah IgottadothisnoworIwontever!” She dialed up. “H-hello?” “Sabrina!” Zoe said from the other end, train noises in the background. “What’s up?” “W-well, I uh, I was wondering if you and Chloe would like to…spend time with me in some…way…” “We’d like to, Sabrina, but our backs are acting up again,” Chloe replied. “And after that we’ve got some new physical therapy stuff so we don’t pull our hamstrings the next time Ladybug and Chat Noire have us play informants. Could we do that tomorrow?” “O-oh! S-sure thing!” “Great! See you then!” Zoe said before hanging up. Sabrina sighed dejectedly. “Delayed…y’know, their backs have been acting up a lot lately, and I’m not sure if that’s only because of the akuma chasing…”“Chloe, Zoe, today I’ll be introducing you to the Snub-nosed Monkey Miraculous,” Fu said as he retrieved a brass circlet. “Xuppu, it’s your moment.” A Kwami resembling a humanoid brown monkey with a yellow face and tiny ears materialized in a flash of tan light. “Hiya! I’m Xuppu, the Snub-nosed Monkey Kwami of Derision!” he said while practically vibrating. “My power is Uproar, which lets you summon a funny little bomb that turns your enemy’s magic topsy-turvy! To transform you say ‘Showtime’ and to detransform you say ‘Curtains’! My power-up food is bananas, dried or fresh, I don’t care, I’ll even eat the peels! And my weapon is a monkey stick!” “It’s actually a thin wooden staff called a gun or a bang, but after the invention of firearms he decided that its old name was too confusing,” Wayzz said. “Also because he thought ‘monkey stick’ was funnier.” Xuppu nodded rapidly in agreement. “O…kay,” Ladybug said warily. “Are you sure he’s…ready for this?” “Don’t worry, Ladybug, Xuppu only breaks rules that he thinks are harmful or…idiotic,” Fu said. “If he deems it a good rule he’ll leave it be. Secret identity rules, for example.” “Yep! Don’t want Cock Moth getting Uproar!” Xuppu agreed while inspecting the twins. “So how do you normally choose which twin wears the thing?” “Rock-paper-scissors, usually,” Zoe said nervously. “Rule break! You’re playing tic-tac-toe this time. Get some paper and a pen!” “May I be excused? Civvie-me has an event she needs to go to,” Chat piped up. “Oh? Is Chat Noire having a girl’s day out where she’ll get her claws done and her coat brushed with some other furry ladies?” Bunnyx teased. “Something like that,” Chat said, feeling that funny feeling again.“Where’s Adrien?” Ivan muttered. “It’s been over an hour since we last heard from him. Is he blowing us off?” “Dude, you know Adrien’s mega busy, I wouldn’t be surprised if his dad made him play at a sudden piano recital or something,” Nino replied. “Why would anyone want Adrien at a piano recital? He’s a kid, and our school doesn’t have any recitals coming up,” Nathaniel said in disbelief. “Yes, but he is a model, and for some that might be enough,” Max replied. Marc squinted. “Hey, guys? There’s a girl over there in a…green dress with a hood on it. It’s a hoodie-dress! What a wonderful invention that must be.” “Uh…she’s headed our way,” Kim said nervously. “Shit, incoming girl! How do I look?” “With your eyes,” Nathaniel snarked. The boys paused, then burst into laughter. “Guys?” They looked up at the girl. She had shoulder-length black hair underneath the white-trimmed green hoodie-dress, black leather boots, brown eyes, heavy black eyeliner and eyeshadow, red blush, a blue face mask over her mouth, and dark red nail polish on her fingernails. “Sorry I’m late.” “Who are you– what the–” Kim’s eyes widened. “Adrien?!” “Shhhh!” Adrien hissed, briefly dislodging his mask to reveal that he was wearing maroon lipstick under the mask. “I’m in disguise! Call me Noelle!” “One of me, one of me,” Nathaniel chanted in a sotto voice. “We didn’t recognize you at all!” Ivan said. “Glad you could make it! How was work?” “Ironic sweater collection,” Adrien sighed. “Ouch. Glad you’re not wearing one. Listen, Solitude’s not showing ‘till three, but there’s some reruns of Doorman’s Amazing Adventures playing before then. You want in?” “Doorman’s part of the Majestia extended universe, and Mom followed Majestia religiously,” Adrien remembered. “If this helps me remember her I’ll do it.” “Sis,” Nino said with a sad smile, “you must really miss your mom, huh?” “I do. Well, enough being sad! Let’s go see Doorman get up to some hijinks!”“I feel bad for brushing Sabrina off,” Zoe said as the twins followed Alix to a supermarket. “It feels like we haven’t seen her that much outside of school lately. Do you think she’ll get jealous of Alya and Marinette?” “She shouldn’t,” Chloe replied. “At least some of that’s professional, we help Alya with the Ladyblog and right now we’re helping Marinette work out the kinks in her plushie business.” She huffed. “But yeah, we should definitely hang out with her tomorrow.” “Well, while you figure out what to do about ‘brina I’m gonna do my Christmas shopping,” Alix said as she took a basket. “And since my mom’s side is from Egypt that means I have two Christmases to shop for.” “And you want us for what? Holding the bags?” “Keeping me from getting another prank gift for Jalil, he’s onto me. And the bags.” Doorman’s Amazing Adventures ended. “Good visuals,” Nathaniel said. “Really makes me wanna draw my own superhero comic. Only problem is I can’t write for shit.” “Yeah, I remember that play you wrote in sixth grade,” Kim laughed. “The story of Buddy the Pencil Sharpener and His Pals. It was so bad it was great.” “Hey, I can write,” Marc thought. “But I can’t draw. So what if we worked together?” “And I drew your Miniety comics?” Nathaniel said. “And then we made money off them?” “We could be the next Sam Hill! Together!” “Get a room!” Kim laughed, causing Nathaniel and Marc to blush. “Anyway, damn Noelle, never knew you had it in you!” “Kim, be nice,” Max said firmly. “I’m gonna be nice! I’ve known Nath since fifth grade and I’ve only tried to kill him once, and that had NOTHING to do with the cross-dressing!” “April Fool’s prank where I switched his hair dye with mine,” Nathaniel clarified to Adrien. “But seriously, Noelle, I never thought I’d see you in a dress. Guess you took ‘disguise yourself’ pretty seriously, huh?” “Is it working?” Adrien asked. “Keep your voice down, we’ll pretend you have a sore throat and can’t talk,” Ivan said. Adrien gave him a thumbs-up. “Ahem, so Nino, who told you about Solitude anyway?” “I was looking for inspo and I found this really cool song, so I looked it up and it was from Solitude’s soundtrack,” Nino explained. “Nearly missed picking Chris up from Blaise’s house. But then I decided it was a movie worth having a boy’s day out for!” “Dumbass,” Marc snickered. “I know I am, but what are you?” They all laughed as the second episode started but Adrien couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, and not because of the company…“We’re sorry, but you don’t have a ticket, you can’t go inside,” the clerk droned. The Gorilla tried to explain he was here to see if Adrien was there, but was ignored and got frustrated. An akuma flew into his belt and he was covered in purple smog.The akuma alert went off right as the girls exited the cab. “Great,” Chloe grimaced. “Perfect timing, Cock Moth. Let a girl set her stuff down first, why don’t you? Alix, you wanna come in?” “Yeah, Ladybug said she doesn’t know what the akumatized item might be, so they’ll need me to see him get akumatized.” Alix made a face. “Time travel is weird.”After depositing their purchases in their room Zoe squeezed the ornate orange headband in her hair. Xuppu materialized in a puff of tan smoke and the smell of green bananas. “You know I was close enough to be called over,” he remarked. “Sorry, Xuppu, but there’s an akumatized villain out there. His name’s Gorizilla and he’s holding a theater hostage,” Zoe replied while Alix transformed. “We already like bananas a lot, so we’ve got banana chips aplenty on hand,” Chloe said. “Goody! Then let’s get this monkey show on the road!” Xuppu declared. “Showtime!” The twins were engulfed in tan light and emerged wearing twin brown hoods covering their heads and chins over tan spandex, fluffy brown epaulettes decorating their outer shoulders with a small one on their middle “shoulder”. Their boots and gloves were furry and brown, the toeboxes divided so each individual toe had its own little socket. Twin rope tails emerged from their tailbones just as pale blue domino masks accented their dark brown eyes, their hair had turned banana yellow under their hoods, and Zoe wore the monkey stick on her side. “Welp, time to climb!” Chloe said. “Good thing we have tails, huh?” “Um, Chloe? Snub-nosed monkeys don’t have prehensile tails like atelids such as spider and howler monkeys do,” Zoe piped up. “…pole vault with the monkey stick it is then.”“Okay, okay, let’s see…if I’m gonna confess to them I have to play it right.” Sabrina looked around the shoe store. “Hm…I know Christmas is coming, even though the girls don’t really celebrate it I bet they’d like some new shoes, especially if they really are going to hit a growth spurt soon–” Her jaw dropped when she saw Chloe and Zoe, dressed in a two-headed monkey costume, run along the roofs of the buildings across the street. Bunnyx was with them. Her fist clenched. “I’m getting to the bottom of this.”Marc struggled against magical blue chains. “Aw, man, it sucks that that gorilla guy won’t let us leave until we tell him where Adrien is! I really have to pee!” “ADRIEN!” The Gorilla, now a giant blue gorilla with no shirt, roared. “GIVE HIM BACK!” “HEY, ASSHOLE!” The boys looked up and saw Chat Noire clocking The Gorilla upside the head with her staff. “Your reign of terror ends NOW!” “Chat Noire just cursed, she never curses!” Kim gasped. “She must’ve been here in civvie form with her friends! I know I’m pissed too! GET HIS ASS, CHAT NOIRE!” “Thank you, random citizen! Oh, hello Kim! Nice to see you're not the akumatized guy!” The Gorilla tried to grab her and got scratched for his troubles. “Hands off! Geesh, I thought gorillas were supposed to be the nicest apes!”Peeking inside the auditorium through the front door, Ladybug grimaced. “There’s too many people in there, we can’t send you in.” “Good thing we can send in our bombs, not to mention the fact that no one’s out here,” Zoe said. “UPROAR!” Both twins got a banana yellow grenade. “Oh hey, we got two! That means double the disabled powers! Ladybug, Bunnyx, deliver them!” Ladybug and Bunnyx nodded, took a grenade each, then opened the door and ran inside. “Chloe. Zoe.” The twins yelped when they saw Sabrina glaring at them. “Answers, now. Why did you brush me off? Why did you decide to lie to me about all those massages? Why…” She started shaking. “What did I do to make you stop loving me?!” “Sabrina…were you going to confess today?” Zoe asked. Sabrina nodded while wiping her eyes. “Oh, Sabs, c’mere.” The redhead shuffled over and let the twins hug her. “I’m sorry we made you think we hated you. We don’t hate you at all, we like you like you.” Sabrina looked up. “Y-you mean it?” Chloe sighed. “Sabrina, we didn’t tell you because of the danger. If Hawk Moth figures out that we help Ladybug and Chat Noire he might hurt our loved ones. He’s already targeted you and your dad, and we know you got pretty shaken up by that. We didn’t tell you because we didn’t love you…we didn’t tell you because we love you too much to let him hurt you.” She blushed. “And there’s a lot of things to love about you, Sabs.” “Really? Really?! Me, a glasses-wearing geek with a big nose who can’t ever wear anything sexy because of a skin issue and who always ruins the fun by bringing up the rules and–” The twins detransformed and Xuppu floated out of Zoe’s transformed circlet. “–and there’s a tiny flying monkey oh my god was there WEED in that shoe store?!” Xuppu squinted at Sabrina. “Hmmm.” He orbited her head and looked inside both of her ears. “Hmmm.” He opened her mouth and smelled her breath. “HMMM.” He shut her mouth and grinned at her. “You’re perfect!” “Say what now?” “Hiya! I’m Xuppu, the Kwami of Derision! My whole thing is breaking rules that I think deserve to be broken: laws that result in human rights violations, snobs telling you where to sit at lunch, fashion conventions – there are times when socks and sandals look good together, Patrice. Anywho, I’ve been looking for a new champion who’s a bit tightly-wound and needs to learn to loosen up a bit and I think you’re exactly what I’m looking for! So, whaddya say, kid? Wanna go…apeshit?” he grinned. “You have a tail,” Sabrina pointed out. “Fine, Old World monkeyshit. But there’s an ape in there who’s full of shit and we need to kick his ass!” Xuppu phased into Chloe’s purse and returned eating a banana chip. “Zoe, do something nice for your girlfriend and give her a gift! Like, say, my Miraculous!” Zoe removed the headband and placed it on Sabrina’s head, the Miraculous changing color and thickness until it looked like one of Sabrina’s headbands. “You’re really cute, Sabrina,” Zoe said warmly. “So say ‘Showtime’ and make your own rules.” Sabrina smiled. “I knew there was a reason I fell for you two. Showtime.”The Gorilla had been hit by both grenades and his original powers were therefore nerfed: he’d shrunk to the size of a regular gorilla and he was no longer able to summon chains from his hands and feet, only able to make linguini. Unfortunately for them he’d quickly adjusted to his newfound agility, made it to the rafters, and started shooting pasta at the heroines from his feet. “Damned monkey’s paw!” Ladybug swore as she dodged a hit. “How long is Bunnyx gonna be in the Burrow room finding the akuma?!” “No idea, but at least I’ve gotten lunch,” Chat burped after swallowing some of the linguini. “I’ll Cataclysm a hole in the floor, you try to knock him into it.” Ladybug nodded and they set to work corralling The Gorilla into the middle of the room while Chat made a Gorilla-sized hole in the floor. “Lucky Charm!” Ladybug got a spray can of olive oil. “Sorry, Mr. Gorilla, but it looks like we’ll be giving you the slip!” She sprayed the olive oil on his fingers, hoping to make him let go of the light fixture, but his grip was much stronger than she’d expected. “Oh, come on! Let go already! I’m already out half my cannnAUGH!” An unexpected blast of linguini hit her wings and jammed them, and she went spiraling down to the ground. Bunnyx burst out of the Burrow room and caught her. “Ladybug! The akuma’s in his belt! Chat, try to get it off!” Chat nodded and tried to elevate up with her staff, but the slippery pasta-covered carpeting didn’t let her anchor it firmly to the floor and it started to wobble. Deciding to try her luck, she jumped off the staff, got shot in the face with linguini, and fell – only for a brown blur to jump in and save her. “Who are you?” Chat asked as her savior set her down. The new heroine wore a tan shirt with brown sleeves and sleek black gloves, knee-length brown pantaloons giving way to tall black boots that were divided into individual toes at the ends. Her domino mask was a grayer shade of blue than the twins’, her fake tail was made of smooth cord rather than braided rope, and pale pink hair cascaded around her face like a hood, the Snub-nosed Monkey Miraculous now a black headband underneath a translucent white helmet that protected her skull. The new heroine looked at Chat with deep brown eyes. “The name’s Galopain, and I’m here to fuck. Shit. Up.” She set Chat on her feet and looked up at The Gorilla. “Hey! Gorizilla!” she snarled, baring wicked fangs. “UPROAR! CATCH!” She made a grenade and batted it with her monkey stick, sending it flying upwards into the confused Gorilla’s face. It exploded and his pants promptly fell off, revealing banana-print underwear that brought some much-needed levity to the literal captive audience. Chat caught the pants, shredded the belt with her claws, and purified the moth. Ladybug cast the Cure and everything went back to normal – the theater was fixed, the audience was freed, and The Gorilla was no longer quite so literal. Chat looked horrified when she realized what had happened and raced away a little faster than the other heroines did. Adrien returned in his cross-dressed state and signed something to The Gorilla. The Gorilla looked at him and facepalmed, then signed something himself. Adrien signed back. This went on for a bit until The Gorilla gave a fond, silent chuckle and hugged his charge, relieved to know that Adrien wasn’t hurt at all, just kind of stupid. “Ohhh, I see what happened,” Ivan realized. “Noelle forgot to tell her bodyguard where she was going after her photoshoot.” “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous,” Chloe sighed from the seat in front of him, a rare double-seat. “She could’ve avoided this whole damn plot.” Ivan did a double-take. “Wha– Chloe?! What the hell are you and Zoe doing here?” “We’re on a date with our girlfriends, Ivan,” Zoe said. Alix was sitting on Zoe’s side and Sabrina was sitting on Chloe’s. “What does it look like?” “Oh, dudettes, congrats!” Nino exclaimed. “Welcome to the club, Sabrina!” “Thanks! Now hush up, I wanna see Solitude!” Sabrina laughed. “I’ve earned it!”Hours later inside the Agreste limousine, Gabriel gave Adrien a withering paternal look. “Adrien…you should’ve told Placide where you were going and when you were going. You know it’s not safe for you to be out in public by yourself.” “I-I know, Father,” Adrien wilted. “I-I just…when I disguised myself, I got so caught up in having a chance to just be a normal kid that I forgot I needed a bodyguard. And…I was also a little afraid of how you’d react if you knew what my disguise was.” “Well, it’s an unusual choice, but dressing like a girl seemed to work for you rather well. And I apologize if I made it seem like I or any of my staff would think less of you for not dressing like people say a man ought to dress. I have never believed in that rigid idea and I make a point of hiring people who agree with my belief.” His look softened. “Emilie and I didn’t care who our child wanted to be as long as they were healthy and happy.” Adrien nodded and stared out the window. He had a lot to think about today, including trying to figure out why some part of him wanted to stay dressed like Noelle forever.The other boys were walking to the train together when Kim asked “Hey, guys? Did Adrien look uncomfortable to you?” “I mean, he did accidentally cause someone to get akumatized, I know I’d feel bad about that,” Ivan replied. “No, not about that. Before. Like, whenever we talked about it being a boy’s day out he’d just get this look.” “Like he didn’t wanna be there?” Nino gasped. “No, like he didn’t want it to be called a boy’s day out.” Marc gasped next. “Marc?” “Kim, you know how I used to be a girl?” Marc asked. Kim nodded. “Well, before I realized I was a boy, whenever I was doing stuff with my girl friends and they said we were having a ‘girl’s day out’ or something I’d die inside. Maybe that’s what’s happening here, Adrien likes hanging out with the bros but she’s not one of the bros at all!” “Dude, if that’s true then I feel so shitty,” Nino winced. “I’ve been calling her the wrong thing all this time…” “We don’t know that for certain, Nino,” Max interjected. “Adrien hasn’t made any mention of being transgender, and it’s possible that he may just be gender-nonconforming like Nathaniel is.” “That was not the look of a boy like me, Max,” Nathaniel countered. “I grew up with Juleka, remember? What Marc said about himself, I just remembered that Juleka would look like she’d swallowed a mouse whenever someone called her Luka’s little brother. Adrien kinda looked like that too whenever Nino included her as one of the ‘guys’.” “Thanks for the gross visuals, are you gonna put them in our comic?” Marc snarked. “Yes I am.” “Interesting data point, Nathaniel, but as I’ve said I don’t think it’s wise to assume that Adrien is a girl unless he…she…they say so. We may be wrong, and bringing it up might jeopardize our friendship,” Max said at last. “Max is right,” Ivan said firmly. “What we need to do is keep this to ourselves. And if Adrien ever realizes that he is actually a she, then we support her like bros ought to do.” “With you there, Ive,” Nino agreed, the others sounding their own assents. “Say…do you think Chloe and Zoe know? They’d know him even better than we do, they practically grew up together.” “Dunno, but I don’t think they’d care. Chloe didn’t bat an eyelash at Adrien cross-dressing and Zoe didn’t say anything about it either, so some part of them might just expect it by now.” Ivan exhaled. “Well, anyway, what did we think of the movie?” “It was great!” Nino said. “Best use of my money yet! And I got to see two of my girlfriends cuddle with theirs, and that was just plain adorable.” “No arguments there,” Max chuckled fondly.“Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, hold on, let me get this straight. Alix is Bunnyx, Chloe and Zoe’s masseur is an ageless sorcerer from the 1800s, and a monkey god older than the solar system wants to be my spirit advisor. Did I get that right?” Sabrina asked. “Yep!” Alya said cheerfully. “Welcome to Team Miraculous, Sabrina!” The paler redhead sighed. “At least my family always has bananas on hand since they’re easy for Dad to take to work if he wants one…and at least Xuppu follows some rules…” She shook her head. “What’s next, Marinette is Ladybug? Emilie Agreste is under a magic spell? Some whacko scientist puts pigeon wings on the back of a T. rex?”
“…what.”
“Yesterday was a very weird Saturday for me, Alya, at this point I’ll believe anything’s possible.” Alya nodded sympathetically.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sabine smiled as she pulled a tray of chocolate sheet cakes out of the oven. “Alright, I’ll roll these once they cool down a bit. Marinette, how’s the strawberry batch coming?” “Almost…got it!” Marinette said as she gave a pink roll one final shove. “I did it! One dozen strawberry Yule logs made all by myself! And two of them don’t even have cracks!” The midsection of the one she’d just rolled split along the long axis on cue, exposing an internal layer of pink frosting. “Make that one. Damn.” “Don’t worry if it’s not perfect, people will still want them,” Sabine replied gently. “I’ll start on the chocolate logs, okay? You can mix the batter for the vanilla batch while I work.” Marinette nodded. “Tom, we need more frosting over here, are you done in there?” “Almost!” Tom returned from his station with a bowl of chocolate frosting. “This was a great idea, sweetheart. With three different flavors we can sell Yule logs to people who don’t like chocolate! Or at the very least want something different.” “Thanks, Papa!” Marinette beamed. “I’m glad I was able to contribute something to the Christmas rush this year. Something me.” Tom patted her shoulders. “And it’s one helluva good something. Now get mixing, cadet!” Marinette laughed and went back to work.Sabrina exhaled. “Do you think Chloe and Zoe are going to do something stupid to try and make it up to me for…y’know. The thing?” “Wasn’t that what our impromptu movie date was for?” Alix asked. “Or that shovel talk with your mom the next day?” “I think so, and you think so, but do they? Or am I just going to get a normal pair of Christmas gifts?” She sighed. “Let’s change the subject. Is Master Fu really 186?” “Sounds like it. He remembers the Boxer Rebellion, at least.” Alix gave Sabrina a wry look. “Y’know, Sabs, I think I know what’ll help you unwind. How about we go around singing Christmas carols incorrectly?” Sabrina raised an eyebrow; Xuppu had been nagging her to have some fun over Christmas break. “Go on.”Adrien sighed. “Adrikins?” Chloe asked. “What’s wrong? Do you still feel guilty about getting Mr. Placide akumatized? Because that wasn’t your fault, it was Hawk Moth’s.” “I still made him worry when I didn’t tell him where I was going, he could’ve gotten fired for that,” Adrien replied. “I mean, I get it, I’m fifteen, I’m gonna do stupid things. But this was just…ugh.” “Ugh indeed,” Zoe agreed. “And speaking of last Saturday…you cross-dressed.” “Y-yeah?” he swallowed. The twins practically pounced on him. “Why didn’t you tell us you liked cross-dressing?!” Chloe yelled. “We could’ve brought you shoe shopping! We could’ve taken you dress measuring! We could’ve been nail salon buddies! It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous that you didn’t tell us earlier!” “Chloe, you’re scaring him,” Zoe said. “But she’s got a point. If we knew that you like doing the same stuff that we like doing we would’ve convinced your dad to let you tag along with us. You spent seven years homeschooled, Adrien; we could’ve helped you get outside more often if we knew.” “But I didn’t even know I liked cross-dressing until last week,” Adrien pointed out. “Oh yeah.” “So…you and Sabrina?” he asked. “What did you do to make her miffed?” “We haven’t been spending a lot of time with her lately, and the rest…I don’t think you could possibly believe us,” Chloe sighed. “I mean, seriously, there’s magic involved.” “Akuma chasing?” Adrien asked, already knowing the real reason. “Something like that. Anyway, we’ve been working on stuff to make it up to her. Zoe’s got a painting in the works and I’m working on getting her to a nursing symposium.” “Right, Sabrina wants to be a nurse when she grows up,” he recalled before smirking at them. “Am I allowed to get a preview of my gifts too?” The twins drew close to his face and he could feel their synchronized heartbeats, their breath, their warmth…and then Zoe booped him on the nose. “Nope,” she grinned. They giggled at his stunned expression.A man named Pierre Noel who was coincidentally dressed like Santa Claus shivered. “Man, it’s cold out here. At least the Santa costume keeps me warm.” He looked up to see a young boy and girl approach him. “Hello, children! Merry Christmas!” “Who do you think you are, old man?” asked the boy. “Yeah, those gifts look so lame, and I bet this is totally fake!” the girl added before walking over and yanking on Pierre’s very-much-real beard. “Hey!” Nino snapped as he ran over. “What is wrong with you?! Even if he’s not the real one, what would Santa think of your behavior?” The kids looked guilty. “Say sorry!” “Sorry, Santa,” the kids said sullenly. Pierre nodded and watched them leave before bowing to Nino. “Thank you, good sir.” “Don’t mention it, I don’t like seeing people get bullied no matter their age,” Nino replied. “So, what brings you out here in the cold?” “Promoting some charity my company’s running, I don’t even know what it is,” Pierre sighed. “I keep meaning to look into it but I never have the time.” “Do you know what it’s called?” “Yeah, Cure It Now. Figured it was a cancer charity, I’ve done work for those before.” Nino took out his phone and looked it up. He paled. “Uh…sir? It is a cancer charity, but your company…there’s a news story here about how they’re taking half the proceeds for themselves.” He showed Pierre the story in question. Pierre looked livid. “They USED me!” Nino looked up and yelped as an akuma possessed Pierre’s hat, transforming him into a green-skinned Krampus-like being. “And Santa Claws will make sure they PAY! Literally!” “Uh…sir? I’m all for arresting jerks, but–” Twin gouts of green flames erupted from his hooves and he flew away. “Annnnd he’s gone. Fuck. Now I know how Adrien feels.”Marinette wiped her brow, leaving a line of flour on her forehead. “Okay, that’s the last of the logs done. Do you want me to start on the madeleines or the cotillons?” “The madeleines,” Tom replied. “You’re much faster at making them than we are.” “Okay.” Suddenly, they heard a buzzing. Marinette found her phone and grimaced. “Fuck. Akuma alert…what the hell is a Krampus?” “It’s a demon from Germanic folklore, basically the anti-Santa,” Tom explained. “He swats naughty children with birch branches and kidnaps especially naughty children.” “Cock Moth couldn’t have chosen to not akumatize someone on Christmas Eve?” Marinette sighed as she removed her apron. “Tell Mama that I’ve got work and that I’ll be back before you can say ‘croquembouche’.”“We wish you a merry kiss my ass, we wish you a merry kiss my ass–” SLAM! “Wow, two lines! That’s a new record!” Alix cackled. “Hey, Sabs? Are you alright? Is this getting too much for you?” “No, Alix, I’ve grown very accustomed to your nonsense by now,” Sabrina replied as she showed Alix a video of Pierre opening a vent at the top of a skyscraper and jumping down it. “But Hawk Moth’s nonsense…that not so much.” “Welp, looks like he’s getting an ass-beating for Christmas,” Alix said as she read the article to find out where the skyscraper was. “And before we suit up we should try to ruin another carol, do you have a rhyme with ‘shoe’ that isn’t ‘flesh wound’? Kim already beat me to ruining Little Father Christmas that way.” “‘Flesh wound’? Why would that– oh, right, we’re French.”Zoe stuck her tongue out in concentration as she swiped orange onto the canvas. To her side Chloe held the palette since Zoe couldn’t do so herself. It was quiet and peaceful, so naturally it was when the akuma alert went off. Zoe was so startled by the sound that she accidentally jabbed her paintbrush up her nose. “Ow.” “You’re gross, you know that sis?” Chloe said as she removed the paintbrush from her sister’s right nostril. “At least you only use non-toxic paints.” “Har har,” Zoe groaned. “Help me wash it out before I get a rash in there or swallow the paint.” They hobbled into their bathroom and washed her nose out, then returned to pick up her phone. “About time we had a demon villain. I like that Hawk Moth made him green instead of the traditional red and black, red and black’s kinda cliche.” “Don’t compliment the villain’s fashion sense, Zo,” Chloe snarked. “Looks like he’s jumping down the chimney of that insurance company building. Wait…isn’t that the one that got in trouble yesterday for that cancer charity scam?” “One of the people collecting money for the charity must’ve found out,” Zoe guessed. “Oh hey, we have unreads.”
Ms. Bustier’s Class of 2016 Groupchat
Nino
so i may have ruined christmas
Rose
Nino! did you make someone a grinch?
Nino
maybe?
there was this guy dressed like santa collectin money for charity
two kids harassed him, 1 pulled his beard
i saw and drove em off
Mylene
that doesn’t seem like it would get some1 akumatized.
unless their parents saw.
Nino
no it wasnt that
i may have told the santa that his bosses were stealing from the charity
Mylene
oh. that makes more sense.
wait. i think i might know which charity you’re talking about.
Rose
really? which one?
Mylene
Cure It Now is a lung cancer charity run by Better Life Insurance meant 2 give money 2 kids with lung cancer & asthma n stuff.
yesterday a whistleblower revealed that some of the execs were taking half the money given 2 the charity 4 themselves.
Ivan
isn’t that illegal?
Sabrina
It is. My dad’s overseeing the investigation to see how long it’s been going on.
Chloe
Well, I’m sure glad my family uses Hearthunter.
Kim
r u goin after them c n z?
Zoe
Of course we are! Even though we don’t agree with certain claims of ancient miracles, Christmas is still a miraculous time of year to share with your family and friends! Especially now with the Miraculous around!
And we can’t let this Krampus guy go after the families of the executives so he can get the money back!
Chloe
What she means to say is we’re on it. We know about that scam and we’re gonna make sure they’re held accountable in a non-magical way.
We’ll go as soon as we make sure that Zoe doesn’t have any more paint in her nose.
Bye!
Mylene
W H A T
don’t just leave the chat after saying something like that!
Juleka
honestly? mood
YES! I FINALLY SAID IT FIRST!
Ladybug shivered as she tramped to the insurance building, the snow too heavy for her to risk flying. “Ugh, I hate this weather! Why did I have to be an insect that hibernates?” “Merry Christmas, milady!” Chat greeted as she landed next to her. “How’s it been?” “Sucky, but it’s better now that you’re here.” Chat blushed. “How do we get inside?” “We ask nicely?” Chat approached a security guard. “Hello, sir, we’re superheroes. There’s a villain in there and we need to stop him.” The guard raised an eyebrow at them. “Aren’t you kids?” “She’s fifteen and I’m fourteen-and-a-half, but who’s counting besides you?” Ladybug muttered. “Sir, it’s okay, they’re with us.” Chloe and Zoe strolled up and flashed their IDs at him. “Whatever,” the guard sighed as he let the girls inside. “Phew, nice and warm,” Ladybug said as she shook the snow off her elytra. “Okay, do any of you know what the villain’s after?” “Nino said he met a guy dressed as Santa who works for this company,” Chloe said. “Yesterday it was revealed they were scamming a children’s cancer charity, and Nino told the guy because he’s Nino. The guy got pissed.” “The alert said that he became a Krampus, a demon that kidnaps naughty children, and you’d have to be pretty naughty to steal from a children’s cancer charity. Alright, first things first, we need to find out where the executives work. Call Bunnyx and–” “No need, we’re here!” Bunnyx said as she and Galopain arrived. “We took the subway.” “She’s making me travel around Paris singing messed-up Christmas carols with her,” Galopain sighed. “You liked some of them! Jingle bells, Cock Moth smells like a rotten egg–” “–if he tries to akumatize my mom I’ll break his legs! Oh!” Galopain blushed. “Glad to have you here, Galopain! We’ll need you to disable the Krampus’ powers so I can get close enough to steal the akumatized item,” Chat said. “Although given that he’s formerly a Santa I’d actually be nicking it,” she added, earning several groans. “Nino saw him get akumatized,” Zoe remembered. “So he should know some of the things he can do.” She sent him a text:
The Beehive
Zoe
Nino, you saw the Santa get akumatized, right? What’s the item?
Also, what are his powers?
Nino
its his hat. dont know too much bout powers, but he can shoot fire from his feet
Zoe
Thanks babe! <3
Nino
<3
“The akuma’s in his hat and he can shoot fire from his feet,” Zoe said after returning her phone to her bag. “Alright, let’s do this. Bunnyx, find out where the executives are. Chat and Ladybug, draw him out of the boardroom. I’ll douse his flames, you get the hat. Sound good?” Galopain asked. “Sounds perfect! I’m so glad you joined the team, Galopain!” Ladybug grinned. “Th-thanks, Ladybug,” Galopain said bashfully. “Okay, girls, it’s time to deck the halls!”“You’ve been very naughty!” WHACK! “Give back the children’s money!” WHACK! “I can’t! It’s in the Bahamas!” the executive exclaimed, cowering under the blows of Pierre’s stick. Pierre tossed his stick aside. “Then I guess we’re going to the Bahamas! Get in the sack!” He took his sack off his back, opened it, and it swallowed the executive up like a black hole before it was drawn shut and returned to its rightful place. “Cataclysm!” Chat leaped over and Cataclysmed the sack, turning it into ash and freeing the executives inside. Pierre roared and started shooting fire everywhere. “Lucky Charm!” A ladybug-patterned fire extinguisher appeared in Ladybug’s hands, and she started spraying yellow fire retardant foam onto the surfaces where green flames burned. “Stay back, citizens! One of the deadliest parts of any fire is the smoke!” “Thanks for the tip!” Pierre started flinging fireballs into the air, raining green flames onto every trash can he could see so they could start producing clouds of blackish-green smoke. Suddenly, a yellow grenade hit him in the face, and when he tried to shoot fire again he found himself able to shoot water instead. The water doused the flames and diffused the smoke, but then Pierre noticed the big glass windows. “Hope you like frostbite!” he said as he aimed for the windows, hoping to use his water powers to break them and let the frigid outdoor air inside. “Frostbite? That makes me think of a song! Chat Noire the Black Cat is a strange and fluffy girl! Decked in pawprint boots and a leather suit and a head of ash blonde curls!” Pierre turned to face Galopain. “What the fuck–” It was enough of a distraction for Ladybug to snag his hat with a yo-yo and tear it in half with her bare hands, allowing Chat to purify the moth. After Ladybug dispensed the Cure, which fixed all the damage and turned him back to normal, he blinked. “How did I end up here?” “You uh…you kinda got akumatized after you found out about the charity scam and nearly kidnapped your employers,” Chat Noire said. Pierre winced. “Eesh, I did that? Well, in my defense stealing from a charity is wrong, especially if it’s going to kids with life-threatening diseases.” “Pierre, you’re fired!” snapped an executive. “POLICE, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!” Everyone turned around to see Roger and several other officers beside him. “Bunnyx caught a glimpse of the meeting where you made your plan to steal from the charity, and she was nice enough to record it for us!” Roger declared. Galopain gave a small wave to her father. “Miss Galopain! Nice to see you on the job. Hope you have a very merry Christmas! You too, Ladybug and Chat Noire!” The heroines saluted and dashed away before they detransformed. “Pierre?” Pierre turned to face a policewoman. “We’d like your statements, whatever you remember, anything. It’d help those kids get justice.” “Sure thing,” Pierre replied. “It all started this afternoon…”The following day was full of various Christmas and other end-December hijinks. At the Agreste mansion Adrien told a story to Gabriel. “So, my friend Horace, you don’t know him but he works in garbage collection, and he needed a way to keep the flies off him. So I told him ‘Horace, why don’t you come with me to the hardware store and get a new flyswatter’, and he said ‘No way, man, I’ve heard of this new spray that’ll work like a charm’. And I’m not sure if it’ll do that, but it sure smells awful, even worse than his garbage truck does! I guess it just goes to show – you can’t lead a Horace to swatter, but you can make him stink!” Gabriel stared at Adrien…and then burst into laughter. Adrien joined in, and distantly Plagg and Nooroo snickered in their own individual rooms, Plagg still unaware of Nooroo’s presence.“Oh great goddess of creation, please accept this humble sacrifice,” Marinette bowed dramatically after placing a plate with one slice each of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry Yule logs on her dining room table. “The great goddess of creation does accept this humble sacrifice,” Tikki declared before they broke character and giggled. “Merry Christmas, Marinette. I know I’m not the god this holiday was invented for – well, stolen for really – but I’m happy to celebrate it with you. So…about Alya…” “Not yet, Tikki.” Tikki looked up and Marinette exhaled. “I wanna tell the others too the first time we can all get together at the same time. Including Chat Noire, it’s not fair to leave her out.” “Something tells me that Chat’s getting a lot closer to figuring out that she’s a girl outside of the mask,” Tikki hummed. “Alright, deal. Now lemme at that sacrifice!” She fluttered over and began to daintily chomp away at her cake. Marinette smiled and picked up her own plate of strawberry Yule log with one hand, took a fork in the other, and proceeded to dig into her own creation herself.“Oh my gosh, I love it!” Sabrina squealed when she saw the painting of herself as Class Representative, sash and all. “This is going on my wall! Thank you so much, Zoe!” “You’re welcome! And I love this beanie you got me, I’m definitely gonna wear it to school!” Zoe grinned, a pale blue beanie now gracing her head. “And here’s my gift,” Chloe said as she handed Sabrina a ticket. “The University of Paris has a symposium on how to get into nursing school on the twenty-eighth, I figured that you’d wanna go.” “Planning my future already, are we Chloe?” Sabrina chuckled as she reached over and picked up a box that she handed to the blonde. “That sounds great, the University of Paris is my dream school. And here’s a gift for you!” “A bracelet?” Chloe asked when she opened the box, removing a golden bracelet with blue gemstones. “Hold on, this wouldn’t happen to be a St. Croix, wouldn’t it?” “Yeah, but here’s the funny thing: I found it in a thrift shop for like fifty Euros. The old owner must not have wanted it. The blue gems are supposedly fluorite.” “I don’t have any fluorite in my collection, and they are very pretty.” Chloe put it on her left hand and admired it. “It fits great, Sabrina. Thanks.” There was an awkward silence before they heard rustling above them. The girls looked up to see Xuppu hovering above them while holding a sprig of mistletoe with his tail. “France’s rules say New Year’s, England’s rules say Christmas, monkey’s rules say just kiss already you dorks!” he snickered. “Xuppu! What–” “Mom and Dad know about him,” Sabrina said with a fond sigh. “It was the best way to make sure that he knew what rules we have so he wouldn’t accidentally break them. Dad’s okay with me being Galopain, but he wants me to take some police-style training to protect myself better.” She exhaled and blushed. “So, um, do you wanna–” “Yes!” Zoe nodded exuberantly. Sabrina scooted over and kissed her on the lips, then did the same to Chloe. When the twins pulled back Zoe tapped her chin and smirked. “Y’know, Sabs, there is one big benefit to dating conjoined twins~” “And it would be?” Chloe and Zoe shared a nod, then pecked her on both cheeks at the same time. Sabrina went as red as her hair. “O-oh,” she squeaked. “Merry Christmas my little monkey,” Chloe smiled as the girls snuggled together on the couch. Watching the exchange, Roger and Fabienne smiled and took each other’s hands.“Say, Fluff?” Alix asked while cleaning her skates. “Yeah?” Fluff asked. “Is Santa Claus real?” “Oh, as you know him? Nah, he’s not real. But there was a Finnish reindeer herder who used a superspeed spell to deliver food and medicine to civilians during the Swedish Crusades, his legacy wound up influencing a few of the myths that were combined to make the modern Santa Claus. One of Mullo’s previous champions was a buddy of his.” “So that’s where elves come from.” Fluff suddenly hid inside Alix’s toolbox as footsteps came their way. “Alix, c’mon! The Christmas special that Dad’s starring in is about to start!” Jalil said. “Oh, shit, already? On my way!” Alix dashed out of her room to the couch.Late that night, the Kwamis of Paris not trapped by Hawk Moth floated out of their various homes and into Fu’s bedroom, where they began to sing. Fu woke up and listened to their song, which eventually finished thusly:
On the twelfth day of Kwams-mas, the Guardians gave to me:
Twelve pigs in wallows,
Eleven dogs a-hunting,
Ten chickens crowing,
Nine monkeys playing,
Eight goats a-leaping,
Seven horses racing,
Six snakes a-shedding,
FIVE DRAGON ROAAAAAAAAARS!
Four rabbit kits,
Three tiger cubs,
Two buffaloes,
And a rat nesting in a pear tree!
“Thank you, my friends,” Fu smiled. “Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa, happy Festivus, and happy New Year! Stay safe on the roads!” “Uh…Master Fu?” Pollen, the Honeybee Kwami of Action, piped up. “We fly.” “I wasn’t talking to you, Pollen.” “Then who were you–” She followed his gaze and turned to face you. “OH.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Our very first mainstream concert is going to be awesome!” Rose said cheerfully as she screwed a microphone stand into place while sticking her tongue out. “A-and outdoors, too, I just hope the equipment doesn't ice over,” Juleka said nervously as she pushed an amp onto the stage. “Relax, Juleka, the overhead lights will make enough heat to keep us warm,” Ivan reassured her. “Yo, Chloe and Zoe, how’s the parking situation?” “Cordoned off and VIP-only!” Chloe called while Zoe finished positioning a traffic cone. “Thanks!” “D-do we know who’s going to come?” Juleka asked. “Well, the mayor for sure since this is for a charity to replace the money stolen from Cure It Now, it’ll be a while until the cops get it out of the Bahamas if they even can,” Luka said as he tuned his guitar. “Besides him I think we’ll also be seeing the Dupain-Chengs, the Cesaires, the Lahiffes, heck, basically most of your classmates’ folks will be showing up tonight.” “Except for Gabriel Agreste,” Ivan snarked. “And I’m sure that Ms. Sancoeur will bring a pillow for his tablet.” Ivan snorted, Rose cackled, and Juleka let out a low chortle. “Well, my guitar’s all harmonious. Jules, check your bass.” “Alright.” Juleka started strumming when she heard a loud gasp. “W-what?” “What are YOU doing here?!” Everyone turned to see none other than Evie Bain slipping over to the stage, the twins hot on her heels as best they could. “Who’s that?” Rose asked. “Th-that’s the girl from picture day,” Juleka whimpered. Rose gasped and shot Evie a conflicted look while Ivan scooted in front of Juleka. Luka intervened. “Hello? Who are you? You know this is a private venue, right?” “I know!” Evie huffed. “And I gotta talk to you!” she added, pointing at Juleka. “M-me? W-what do you want?” Juleka swallowed. “I’m sorry, miss.” Everyone blinked and saw how vulnerable Evie looked. “I-I was told a lot of things about people like you by my parents, a-and it wasn’t until I got transferred to my new school that I learned they were wrong.” “New school?” Zoe asked once the twins had caught up. “Y-yeah, your dad said I deserved a second chance so I got sent to Ficelle Boulotte. They have a lot of guidance counselors who are good at teaching people stuff. A-and I’m sorry, Chloe and Zoe, i-it was wrong of me to lock you in the bathroom.” Chloe hmphed. “Just don’t do it again, including to your new classmates.” “I-I’m not. I just…well, new year, new me. Better me. I-I’m gonna go now.” “Alright. See you around, kid,” Luka said. Evie nodded and scurried away. “So she wasn’t hounded into a private school?” Ivan asked at last. “Of course she wasn’t, you know Chloe tends to overreact,” Luka replied. “Speaking of which, Chloe, I want you to listen to me. You too, Zoe, this applies to you as well.” The twins turned his way. “I know that you’re protective of your friends and you have every right to be, but you need to understand that your foes are people too. Evie has just as much of a right to an education that isn’t homeschool as you and Adrien do. And she learned her bad behaviors from her parents just like you learned some of yours from your mother; don’t you think she deserves a chance to unlearn them in a public school?” Chloe wilted. “I guess.” “Don’t guess, know.” “Yes, Luka.” “We’ll do better, Luka,” Zoe added. “Good,” he smiled. “It’s always a good day when I see someone grow.” “Luka, boyo!” Ankara called from inside the Couffaine houseboat. “Your boss be wantin’ a word with ya!” “That’s my cue to leave. I’ll check back with you guys later.”“Luka!” Bob Roth said over the phone. “I have a proposition for you, my boy!” “What is it?” Luka frowned. “The program for the benefit concert tonight, are you aware that XY will be performing the opening number?” “I read that. What’s this about?” “As you know, XY is still new to the business and he’s in need of a helping hand to get ready for tonight. I’d help him myself, but you know I’d be accused of nepotism, and I need someone with experience as a musician and managing other musicians. Naturally, I thought of you – you have your own band whom you both play in and manage, and one of said bandmembers is your own little sister.” “Wouldn’t it make more sense to pair XY with another DJ, sir?” “That was my first idea, but I haven’t been able to find any who are available right now.” Luka considered it. “I’ll do it.” “Splendid! I’ll tell him to come to the venue at once.” He hung up.Chloe sighed. “Centime f-for your thoughts?” Juleka asked. “It’s so obvious looking back on it,” Chloe grimaced. “That girl was what I could’ve been if I wanted my mother’s love just a little bit more. And I thought she might’ve deserved to be stuck with those people. Am I a bad person?” “I wouldn’t say bad, Chloe. Just…you tend to lose your cool and forget the big picture. And I get why, Marinette and Alya told me some of the things your mom said that time with the cooking show, but Luka’s right. Even the people you can’t stand, they’re, they’re, they’re still human.” “Ladybug said something like that back when Daddy got akumatized,” Zoe said. “We’ve been thinking about it ever since.” “Hey, the new year’s tomorrow, you might as well make a resolution,” Rose shrugged. “Well, let’s think of lighter things. Like our new classmates! Who do you think they are? I know that Ali isn’t either of them, I asked and he said that he’s not moving out of Jordan anytime soon, but who could they be?” “Well they’d have to be pretty famous for Ms. Bustier to get akumatized over worrying about them,” Zoe pondered. “Speaking of famous, is that…oh my god! Chloe! It’s XY!” “It is?” Chloe turned his way and gasped. “It is! Wow!” “I thought Nino was your favorite DJ,” Rose said, confused. “He is, but XY’s a close second.” Rose nodded in understanding as XY came their way. “Hey hey, Kitty Section!” XY greeted. “It’s sweet to meet another new batch of artists!” “Uh, we’re not part of the band, Mr. XY, we’re here on behalf of the Grand Paris Hotel,” Zoe corrected him. “Eyyyyy, the Bourgeois gals! I remember how much you liked The Pink Blitz when it debuted.” He clapped his hands once. “So, I’m here to see a Couffaine?” “I-I’m a Couffaine,” Juleka said shyly. “Jules, I think he meant me,” Luka said as he arrived. “Hello, Mr. XY, I’m Luka Couffaine. I’ll be helping you prepare for your part of the concert.” “Dude, I appreciate the thought, but have you considered that I’m like, four years older than you?” XY scoffed. “I think I know what I’m doing, kid!” “Dude, your dad asked me to help,” Luka revealed. XY frowned. “Doesn’t Dad think I can handle it? Well, alright, if it gets him off my case. Lead the way.” Luka nodded and led XY somewhere else. “So…Juleka, have we picked which song we’re doing for our segment?” Rose asked. “Y-yeah, Ivan said that we should do ‘I Love Unicorns’ since little kids will be in the audience and watching the broadcast.” Her visible eye suddenly went wide. “O-oh no, I-I’m gonna be on TV.” “Remember what I told you after Reflekta, Juleka,” Rose said gently. “You’re pretty because you’re you. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.” Juleka smiled gratefully. “Th-thanks.”“So, Luka, when did this whole band of yours start?” XY asked as he typed at his laptop. “Did you know that Juleka got akumatized?” Luka asked. “Was she that eighties rockstar girl who turned people into fashion disasters? Yeah, I remember that. Kept worrying if she was gonna turn all my underwear green.” “O…kay,” Luka blinked, not expecting that last remark. “Well, anyway, she joined our school’s akuma therapy club afterwards. One of the things they do is choose someone at random to do a group therapy activity. Well, earlier this month it was her turn and she chose writing their feelings into music. Ivan and Rose really vibed with that, so they asked her if she wanted to make a band with them. I joined to give Jules some help and Kitty Section was born.” “So you only joined to control your little sis?” Luka was taken aback by the accusation. “What?! No! Juleka’s not good with strangers is all, I joined the band so she wouldn’t have to deal with them as much. And also because I genuinely wanted to be in a band, music’s kinda in my blood. Anyway, do you have a selection for your segment yet?” “Yeah, The Flare of the Night. It’s kinda my magnum opus and I’ve only been at this for like, two years,” XY replied casually. The younger boy’s jaw dropped. “That song is twenty-five minutes long! We’re only allowed fifteen minutes at the most!” “So why is each segment given thirty minutes on the stage?” “Setup, testing, introducing the band, getting off the stage so the next group can set up on time? It’s not just playing music the whole time.” “Don’t worry, Luka! I’m a DJ, I can set all this stuff up fast!” “No, you can’t. I’ve seen how big your equipment is. And what about prep time?” “Don’t need it! Seriously, kid, I appreciate the help, but I got this.” Luka exhaled. “You know what? Fine. If you say you got this, you got this. I gotta check up on my band anyway. Good luck, XY.” He got up and left, going through his breathing exercises…but alas, he hadn’t started them early enough to prevent an akuma from latching onto his scarf and transforming him in a burst of purple smog. “Whoa! Is that a Purple Super Ranger cosplay? Cool! I didn’t know you were into that series!” XY exclaimed, not making the connection. “Do you have a Plateotana too?” Luka stared at him, then pointed at his face. White lightning zipped from his index finger and hit XY in the mouth. When it disappeared XY found that he couldn’t speak, then Luka spoke in XY’s voice. “No, I don’t have a robot in the shape of a purple Plateosaurus because I’m not cosplaying ‘The Purple Super Ranger’,” Luka sneered. “I’m Silencer, and I’m going to make sure that no one is able to use their words to start a conflict again.” He ran off, his feet making no sound as he went.Although Luka was inaudible now, his costume was still extremely garish and stuck out like a sore thumb against the white snow. Chloe and Zoe saw him coming in an instant. “Juleka, your brother’s been akumatized!” Chloe hollered while Zoe snapped a picture and sent it to Alya. “W-WHAT?!” Juleka ran over to her brother. “Luka! What happened? What–” White lightning hit her mouth and she was silenced. “Sorry, sis,” Luka spoke in Juleka’s voice. “It’s for your own good. And as for you.” He zapped the twins and Chloe found herself unable to speak. “No warning the heroes.” Then he left. “Chloe?” Zoe asked. “Wait…he only took your voice. He’s only able to take one voice at a time. And now…” She swallowed. “I have to do all the talking for both of us.” Chloe rolled her eyes at her. “Yeah, you’re right.” She exhaled and stood taller. “I have to. So Paris can have this concert on time. So Luka doesn’t steal the voice of someone who absolutely needs to speak.”Ladybug touched down on the Couffaine houseboat. “Hello? Anyone here?” “Ladybug, me lass!” Anarka called from inside. “Pleased ta see ya here! Come aboard!” “Thanks.” Ladybug went inside and gaped. “Uh…are you actually eating that?” “Don’t be so narrow-minded, lassie,” Anarka said, looking up from a plate of plain spaghetti and gummy worms. “What I be eatin’ don’t hurt no one else nor me, so nobody ought to be judgin’ me tastes like I’m a scoundrel.” “I…never thought about it like that. Thank you.” “Ye’re welcome.” Anarka set her fork down. “So, how may I help ye?” “The Ladyblog got word that your son got akumatized into a voice-stealing villain, Ms. Couffaine. Did you witness it?” “Not at all, but I wish I had.” Anarka sighed. “I bet it was Xavier-Yves who caused it.” Ladybug tilted her head. “XY. You know, the DJ.” “Oh, him. Never really cared for his stuff to be honest, it always felt a little flaky. What makes you say he caused it?” “His father told Luka to help Xavier set up fer’is show. Xavier’s a regular chowder head when it comes to managers, though, so I bet he told Luka t’shove off.” “Thanks. If you see him, text me on the Ladybug Hotline.” Ladybug gave Anarka her hotline number (thankful that Alya had had the idea to set it up) and left the boat…where she promptly ran into Luka on the riverbank. “Luka, it’s me, Ladybug! Please, fight it!” “Luka’s not here right now,” Luka mocked in Ivan’s voice. “And I can’t have you meddling. You’ll be defenseless once I’ve taken away your–” Ladybug hit him in the face with a yo-yo with enough force that the visor of his helmet cracked. “Hey! Not cool!” “I thought Cock Moth knew better than to make his villains monologue anymore,” Ladybug snarked. “So let’s just get on with the pummeling, ‘kay?” Luka nodded and they lunged at each other. Due to the cold weather and the snow Ladybug’s movements were somewhat sluggish, but she still had enough energy to beat Luka as purple as his costume, hitting him with enough force to gradually break off most of his armor. She saw the scarf wrapped around his neck and went to grab it, correctly guessing that it was the akumatized item, but Luka caught on and used the opportunity to zap her. Ladybug growled and tried to call on Lucky Charm…but failed. “Aha!” Luka exclaimed in Ladybug’s voice. “No more Lucky Charm for you!” “Silencer,” Hawk Moth interrupted as a purple visor flickered over Luka’s now-bare head, the boy’s hair purple and his skin pale gray, “why did you do that?” “So she wouldn’t be able to use Lucky Charm. Without it she can’t make an item that will let her dispense the Ladybug Cure, so anything we do right now will be permanent.” “First of all, I don’t want this damage to be permanent. Second of all, if she can’t say ‘Lucky Charm’ she won’t time out and show me who her secret identity is!” “Maybe I can force it. Lucky Charm.” Nothing happened. “Huh. It must need to be said by the actual champion to work. And you didn’t think to make me strong enough to fight her fairly, so getting rid of the earrings myself is a no-go.” “Perhaps not. I’ve been reading up on my insects lately, and it seems that ladybugs dislike cold weather. Dump her in enough snow and–” Ladybug took that as her cue to fly away. “Bother. Well, we have other plans. You still have her voice? Use it. When Chat Noire comes, lure her over with Ladybug’s voice and defeat her, then claim her ring for me. And don’t steal anyone else’s voice until you have the ring.” “One, she fences, and two, her claws.”
“Figure something out!”
Ladybug flew into one of the houseboat’s bathrooms and locked herself inside. She sent a text to her partners and removed the earrings, detransforming. To her dismay she still couldn’t speak. “Don’t worry, Marinette,” Tikki said gently. “I know what to do. Chloe and Zoe are here, and they’ve used my power before. In the meantime, rest up and drink some water.” Marinette gave her a thumbs-up and Tikki phased out through the bathroom ceiling, transfiguring her Miraculous as she went.“Girls!” Tikki flitted over, depositing the Ladybug converted-hair-tie in Zoe’s hand. “Ladybug got hit by Silencer and can’t use her powers! She needs you to use Lucky Charm since it’s voice-activated!” “Chloe got hit too!” Zoe replied frantically. “I’m not sure we can transform!” “Let’s give it a try anyway, we don’t have much time!” Zoe put her hair in a ponytail and said “Spots on!” They transformed, the hair tie now wrapped around one of Zoe’s buns. “Oh good, it still works. Now let’s use Lucky Charm and–” Chloe gave her a look. “What? I– oh right, Lucky Charm goes overboard when we use it. Hmmm…we might be able to work with that.”“Ladybug? Helloooo? Are you okay?” Chat called as she wandered around the riverbank. She eventually came across Kitty Section. “Are you guys alright?” They tried to reply but nothing came out. “Right. Voice-stealing villain. Do you know where he went?” Juleka pointed westward. “Thanks.” As Chat tramped through the snow one of her decorative ears flicked. Spinning around, she pulled out her staff. “Hello? Anyone there? I know there’s a villain around here…” “Chat! This way!” came Ladybug’s voice, leading her towards a denser cluster of trees. “Alright, I’m coming over! You know, I just thought of something. What do you call a zipper that keeps snagging your dick? A penis flytrap.” “...what the fuck?” “AHA! You’re not my lady! CATACLYSM!” Chat touched the snow, disintegrating it and revealing Luka hiding in the trees. “The real Ladybug would’ve laughed her butt off at a penis joke! Now give up your akumatized item and I’ll set everything right.” “No way!” Luka retorted. “I happen to know that cats don’t like water, so if you don’t want to get punted into the Seine you’ll give me your–” “UPROAR!” Luka was hit in the face with a grenade as Galopain swung in from her hiding spot above a streetlight. He tried to steal her voice but his lightning fizzled out. “DANGIT!” he roared, his stolen voice loud enough to shake the ground. Chat removed her hands from her ears. “So much for being silent!” she yelped. “We need to quiet him before we go deaf!” Galopain cried. As Luka continued roaring, no one heard the whine of insect wings or noticed a red-and-black blur until Luka found himself buried up to his eyes in foam. Chloe and Zoe landed, walked over, and stuck their hands into the foam until they found his scarf. “Thanks a bunch, girls!” “What are heroes for?” Zoe asked as she handed Chat the scarf, which was quickly shredded. After the moth was purified the twins removed the massive foam sprayer tied to their waists and threw it. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The stolen voices were returned and the destroyed snow was restored. Chloe worked her jaw as the twins detransformed. “RIDICULOUS, UTTERLY FUCKING RIDICULOUS! I don’t ever wanna do that again! Anyway, good job Tikki.” “Thanks! I’m gonna go raid Ms. Couffaine’s gummy worm stash now,” Tikki replied as she removed her Miraculous. “Oh, hello Galopain and Chat Noire! I’m Ladybug’s Kwami! She got hit by Luka and was unable to dispense the Cure as a result.” “I’m more impressed by how the girls can fly with conjoined wings,” Galopain replied. “Anyway, we gotta go now. It was nice meeting you Tikki!” “Any friend of Milady is a friend of mine,” Chat added before leaving with Galopain. “Luka? Are you okay?” Zoe asked gently. Luka sighed. “Broke my own rule, Zoe. I let my annoyance at XY cloud my judgement. I screwed this up.” “It’s okay, Luka,” Chloe replied. “We’re kids, we’re not going to get everything right the first time around. Just make sure it doesn’t happen a second time.” “Luka!” XY raced over. “I am so sorry I got you turned! I was mad ‘cuz I thought my dad was babying me and I took it out on you. You’re right, you’ve been doing this longer than I have, so I should listen to you about the music stuff.” “Alright,” Luka said. “So what are you going to play?” “The Pink Blitz. And I actually had something I made for the heroines, do you think we could get them to come here?” “We’ll see what we can do, it is a charity after all,” Chloe said. Luka smiled.“And a big thanks to Kitty Section for that wonderful song about unicorns!” Bob Roth said that night. “But they’re not done yet! We’ve got some special guests tonight willing to send off the old year in a truly magical fashion!” The crowd gasped as the heroes of Paris flew, leapt, and hopped onto the stage. “Let’s jam!” Luka declared. “One, two, three, four!” The music started playing, everyone looking on in interest, particularly Gabriel, his tablet resting on a pillow that was in turn resting on a chair in the front row. Ladybug went first. “In the daytime, I'm not a hero, just a normal girl with a normal life…and seven impending migraines.” This garnered a few chuckles. “But there's something about me that no one knows yet, ‘cuz I have a secret.”
Another day, I’m back at school,
But now there’s villains trying to force us under their own rules.
But I don’t run, no, instead I find a way
To use the power of creation so I can save the day.
Ah-ah-oh, life's got me spinning around.
Ah-ah-oh, my feet are high above the ground.
Ah-ah-oh, I won’t let evil sleep tonight –
This beetle’s taking flight, and I’ll give it a fright.
Miraculous! Simply the best!
Up to the test when things go wrong!
Miraculous, the luckiest!
The power of love, always so strong!
“In the daytime, I’m not the cool cat that you all know and maybe also love,” Chat said, resting her hands and staff behind her head. “And I wouldn’t say that my life is ‘normal’, or even ‘conventional’. But I don’t let that bother me; no sir, I just wake up every morning ready to see what the day has to offer because there’s nothing that I like more than living my best life!”
I’m still a kid, got lots to think about,
But when my friends need me to bring the fight, the claws come out.
Destruction’s my game, and I can spread it fast;
Hawk Moth can hide for now, but I know that that’s not gonna last.
Ah-ah-oh, I’m not just a cute kitty-cat.
Ah-ah-oh, I can pound any evil flat.
Ah-ah-oh, It’s all purr-fectly clear to me:
The road to victory is paved with stinky cheese.
Miraculous! Simply the best!
Up to the test when things go wrong!
Miraculous, the luckiest!
The power of love, always so strong!
“And give it up for our auxiliary heroines! They may not be frontliners or vital to winning every fight, but they’re no less important to the protection of our city!” Rose said. “Hit it!” Bunnyx and Galopain alternated lines:
I’ve got a parasol that I use to beat crime
Before it can evolve into a total waste of time.
There’s nothing we can’t face that Hawk Moth hasn’t tried,
And if he shows his face you know his mug we will deride.
Ah-ah-oh, the monkey sees what she must do.
Ah-ah-oh, this rabbit’s gonna beat him blue.
Ah-ah-oh, Team Miraculous ain’t just those two,
And now we’re going to show that we’re heroes too.
Miraculous! Simply the best!
Up to the test when things go wrong!
Miraculous, the luckiest!
The power of love, always so strong!
Then they all sang together:
Miraculous! Simply the best!
Up to the test when things go wrong!
Miraculous, the luckiest!
The power of love, always so strong!
MIRACULOUS!
The heroes’ song alone caused the donations to exceed the amount of money lost by 12.5%.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Nino was sleeping when his little brother Chris raced into his room. “Nino!” Chris exclaimed. “It’s the first day of school in 2016!” “Waugh…five more minutes, Chris, my alarm’s not gone off yet,” Nino groaned. “But you said you’d play your First Day of School in 2016 Song!” Nino shot up like a rocket. “Why didn’t you lead with that?!” He found his phone and brought up the song, an upbeat power pop mix that made him bop his head to the beat. “Let’s get ready, little bro!” Chris giggled and danced with Nino as they got ready.Sabrina’s alarm clock went off. She turned it off and yawned. Xuppu handed her her glasses. “Thanks, Xu. Oh, don’t forget, we have a meeting with Master Fu after school.” “I won’t forget! The twins are gonna meet Ziggy today!”Alix’s alarm clock went off, but she slept through it. Then a different sound filled her room. “I’M UP!” she exclaimed as she bolted upright. “Who– Fluff!” “Sorry, kit, but you don’t wanna be late for school, do you?” Fluff asked as she turned the alarm off on her Miraculous.Adrien bounced awake. “Plagg, it’s morning!” “Great, wake me when it’s noon,” Plagg grumbled as he tried to rouse himself.Marinette snored through her alarm. “Marinette…Marinette…oh, I know!” Tikki cleared her throat. “Marinette you have to watch all fifty-three episodes of Ghostforce or else you’ll flunk out of school!” “I HATE THAT SHOW!” Marinette exclaimed as she snapped awake. She realized what had happened and glared at her Kwami. “Low blow, Tikki.” “You know you love me. Now get dressed.”Kim sighed in bliss as he took a shower. “Ah…water,” he sighed before drinking some of the shower water.Alya finished drying her hair. “Looking good, girl!” she complimented her reflection.Ivan sniffed his armpit and recoiled. “Yeesh! Better put on some deodorant.” He sprayed some under his arms and sniffed again. “Much better.”Max snagged an apple and a few madeleines for his breakfast. Nearby, Markov went to a website and downloaded its cookies, which he then “ate”.Mylene brushed her teeth vigorously, then spat into the sink. “Well, at least you have your smile,” she said to her reflection.Chloe and Zoe finished applying their respective lip glosses, Chloe’s pale pink and Zoe’s a rather imposing dark blue. “Okay, we’re done,” Chloe nodded. “Now let’s get out of here before traffic gets bad.” “Right to your left,” Zoe replied. She made a face. “That sounded better in my head.”Juleka and Luka waited for their bus on the sidewalk. “At least my school is right across the street from yours,” Luka remarked as the winter wind blew into their faces. “Yeah,” Juleka shivered. “Stupid wind’s making my eyes water.”Nino and Chris were still jamming out as they got on their bus, much to the confusion of many of the other riders.Max rode the train to school, staring at his phone while waiting for his stop to come.Nathaniel sketched in his notebook while staring out the window of his car.Rose got off her bus and exhaled. “A new year, and new friends too!” she smiled. “I can’t wait to meet them!”Kagami sat next to her mother in their car, a one-of-a-kind self-driving vehicle dubbed “Tatsu”. “Kagami, I expect you to make a good first impression on your new peers today,” Tomoe said firmly. “And that means not giving up. Remember the story of Tomoe Gozen? In a time when women warriors were so few and rarely accepted, do you think she gave up? No. Perching on her steed, wielding her naginata, she fought her way to recognition. That woman is my ancestor, and she is yours in turn. You have her blood.” “Yes, Mother,” Kagami said monotonously. Tomoe sighed. “How afraid do you think I am? I’ve never seen our new house and I never will. It will be months before I can walk anywhere without catching my foot on something. But I don’t let that fear consume me, so don’t let your fear consume you, Kagami. Fight it.” Kagami nodded.“Don't be bemused, it's just the news!” Nadja Chamack said through a screen on Chloe’s phone. “The Louvre Museum will be unveiling its latest acquisition today, a statue discovered in Tibet last December.” The channel showed an image of a large, froglike monster with no eyes. “Carbon dating of the surrounding dirt suggests it was carved around one hundred years ago. No word yet on who carved it, but the Chinese government was willing to sell it to the Louvre so that our scientists could study it.” “Alix didn’t say the Louvre was getting an ugly statue of a frog,” Chloe frowned. “Her dad’s in the Egypt department, this must’ve been through the sculptures department,” Zoe guessed. “What do you think it’s supposed to be? I’ve never seen anything like it in any Chinese art.” “If it’s from a hundred years ago maybe it’s dada,” Chloe pondered. “Like a chocolate grinder or a signed urinal or a large piece of glass that no one understands.” Their attention returned to the news. “In other news, American comic book author Olympia Hill will be visiting Paris today for Quanticon 2016–” “Okay, we were already planning to go after school, but now we are DEFINITELY going.” “Should we go in cosplay?” Zoe asked. “Like you had to ask!”A black car pulled up to Francoise Dupont. “Bye Mom! Bye Mama! Have a good day! Give me a voice if you find something cool!” A brown-haired girl in a vermillion jacket got out of the car and sighed blissfully. “Alright Francoise Dupont, it’s time for you to meet Lila Rossi! And let’s hope my new classmates don’t think I’m chiachiello.” She exhaled and walked into the building. Tatsu pulled up shortly afterwards. Kagami got out of the car and stared at the building, then went inside. She bent down to take off her shoes when she saw that no one else was doing it. “Strange,” she said, her French very accented. “No one is changing their shoes.” “Yeah, that’s not a thing we do in Europe.” Kagami jolted and looked up to see Lila. “Hey there, Lila Rossi. You’re new too, huh?” “I am not new to the world, but I am new to this school,” Kagami replied. Lila blinked at this but decided to ignore it. “I am Tsurugi Kagami, heiress of Tsurugi Industries. I have just moved here from Tokyo.” “Lila Rossi, heiress of an Italian translator, I just moved here from Naples. Oh, and just a heads-up, kids in France call each other by their given names.” “Right. Thank you for reminding me. I have Sensei Bustier for my homeroom.” “No way! Me too! C’mon, let’s go together!” Lila smiled a genuine smile and led the way. Not knowing what else to do, Kagami followed her upstairs.“–and that’s how I got my first credit card,” Mylene finished as the door to Ms. Bustier’s classroom opened. Lila strode into the room confidently, Kagami following with carefully-counted steps. “Oh! Rose, it’s the new students!” “Wow! Welcome to our class!” Rose beamed, the width of her smile making Kagami subtly flinch on reflex. “I’m Rose, and these are our amazing classmates. We have Sabrina, our class representative.” “Welcome to Dupont, girls!” Sabrina smiled. “Max is our deputy and resident computer whiz.” “Winner of the 2015 Parisian Ultimate Mecha Strike 3 Tournament,” Max said proudly. “Chloe’s our resident queen bee.” “Damn right I am,” Chloe boasted. “And to her eternal left is Zoe, who knows more about actual bees than pretty much everyone else in the class.” “Hiya!” Zoe waved. “Alya runs the Ladyblog, the official publication for all things superhero.” “Want the best video of their performance on New Year’s Eve? I gotchu covered,” Alya said with an easy nod. “There’s Nino, who is a himbo (affectionate).” “It’s great to meet you, girls!” Nino smiled. “And Kim, who is a himbo (derogatory).” “WHAT?!” Kim exclaimed. Alix doubled over in laughter. “The girl laughing her head off is Alix, she skates, and next to her is Mylene, who wants to become an actress when she grows up.” “It’s in the blood, what more can I say?” Mylene shrugged. “Ivan is probably the worst liar I know.” “Did you have to put it that way, Rose?” Ivan groaned. “Nathaniel’s a dark and brooding comic book artist.” “I prefer ‘sassy’,” Nathaniel replied. “Marinette’s just as sweet as her baking.” “Rose, I love you, but it is way too early to be this cheerful,” Marinette yawned. “Adrien tells jokes, some of them are funnier than others.” “I’d say more, but something just arose that I couldn’t push aside,” Adrien smirked, which was soon followed by the sound of Chloe facepalming. “And last of all is Juleka, the bassist for the band that I’m in and my closest friend ever!” “…h-hi,” Juleka squeaked. “And I’m Ms. Bustier, your teacher.” Lila and Kagami turned around to see Ms. Bustier entering the room and taking her seat. “So, Rose introduced everyone, did she? Why don’t you two introduce yourselves now?” “Hey everybody!” Lila waved to her new classmates. “I’m Lila Rossi, I’m from Naples, and I was up to the weirdest things last year. I mean, I met the daughter of Olympia Hill and Jagged Stone on the same day, I learned another language, which makes it what, ten now? Ooh, and I saved a cat from a tree! I thought that only happened in cartoons.” The room was a bit stunned by the specificity of her admissions. Mylene was the first to speak. “Nice to meet you, Lila. I hope we can become friends.” “Friends! Yes! That is a thing that I want!” Lila laughed nervously, trying not to sound desperate. “Kagami I think it’s your turn now!” “If you say so.” Kagami turned to face her new classmates and bowed swiftly. “I am Tsurugi Kagami, heiress to Tsurugi Industries. I moved here from Tokyo because my mother is pursuing a business agreement with Gabriel Agreste. Please take care of me.” “Oh yeah, Father mentioned that last week!” Adrien recalled. “Something about a new line of fencing uniforms and a long-overdue overhaul of the website’s user interface.” “The site’s getting fixed? About time,” Alix said derisively. “I mean, I like the clothes and all, but good luck finding what you want online.” “Wait, you’re the son of Gabriel Agreste?” Kagami asked as she pointed at Adrien, who tried not to die inside at being called “son”. “Yep, that’s me, haha, you got me…” Ms. Bustier interrupted. “Alright, students, before we begin our lesson we need to make some adjustments to the seating chart. Kagami’s…specific accommodations mean that she’ll have to sit in the front of the room so we can help her learn.” “It would be no trouble to sit in the back, Sensei Bustier,” Kagami said. “Nonsense, I’m not forcing you to the back of the room just because you’re new. So, to that end, here are the new seats.”
Kagami
Adrien
Chloe & Zoe
Sabrina
Alya
Marinette
Mylene
Alix
Nino
Rose
Kim
Max
Juleka
Ivan
Nathaniel
Lila
After the new seats were chosen and sat in, Nathaniel whispered to Lila “Hey, if I ever happen to start doodling instead of writing don’t rat me out, okay?” “No way I’m gonna do that,” Lila scoffed. “If it helps you study it helps.” “Thanks.” Further away, Marinette frowned. “Girl? You okay?” Alya whispered. “Two things. One, half of that stuff didn’t seem very believable, and that’s coming from a Parisian,” Marinette whispered back. “Two, why does her voice sound so familiar?…”“So, how are you liking Paris?” Mylene asked during lunch. “It’s pretty cool,” Lila replied as she joined her new female classmates at their table, with the notable exception of Kagami (who was sitting by herself in the corner of the cafeteria). “I’ve been to a lot of big cities, but there’s just something romantic about Paris, y’know?” “Everyone here except me,” Alix snorted. Lila tilted her head. “Oh, right, you’re new. I’m aromantic, so I don’t understand mushy stuff. Like, at all.” “You’re holding hands with Chloe.” “Alix is the kind of aromantic who likes being treated romantically even if she doesn’t understand the appeal,” Chloe said, holding Alix’s left hand with her right while her own left hand snagged a piece of sushi from her tray. “Wait…how do you already know which one of us is on which side?” Zoe asked. “Zoe, you dye your bangs hot pink,” Sabrina reminded her. “Oh yeah.” “It helps that I’ve met you before,” Lila shrugged. “Uh…we have?” Zoe asked her sister, who shrugged. “Yeah, some old people party, we were only three so I get it if you don’t recognize me,” Lila admitted. “But I sure didn’t forget; how could I? You’re the only dicephalic parapagus twins with three arms and three legs in the entire world who’ve been born alive.” Marinette’s eyes narrowed. “Really?” “Yeah, she’s right,” Chloe confirmed. “There’s only been like, two other confirmed cases like us, and both pairs were stillborn because they didn’t have separate hearts. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if we turned out like we did because of magic.” “Speaking of which, did you hear the news?” Rose asked. “Earth has its own magic that doesn’t need a Miraculous to summon it. People have been experimenting with it for the last few months.” “And protesting it too,” Mylene groused. “Buncha people showed up at my house during break to call me and my dad heretics just because we got akumatized.” “Jerks,” Alya grumbled. “Have you seen anything about magic, Lila? I don’t know how popular the Heroes of Paris are in Italy.” “Somewhat popular, I know people are asking for an Italian translation of the Ladyblog at any rate,” Lila replied. “And as for me personally? Well…right before I moved here I found this book in a bookstore. I couldn’t read the words, didn’t recognize the language, but I know what those pictures are. They’re past Miraculous users.” Alya’s eyes went wide and starry. “Tell me everything!” “Alya, NO,” Marinette cut in. “We don’t know if Hawk Moth’s listening to us. If he hears about this book he might akumatize Lila so he can steal it for himself. And that’s assuming it really is about past Miraculous users; it might just be one of those surreal fiction books like Codex Seraphinianus.” “You don’t believe me?” Lila gasped. “When it comes to Miraculous magic I only trust the heroes to know what they’re doing. The whole thing’s just too new to have a second opinion.” She went back to her lunch, missing the distraught look on Lila’s face in the process.“Lila?” Mylene asked after school. “Are you okay?” Lila held back her tears. “Another school where no one believes me…I thought it would be different…I-I never asked for my life to be this strange…” “Hey, it’s okay to be scared,” Mylene said gently. “Take it from me, I got akumatized over being terrified over little things. Marinette’s just in one of her paranoid moods, her dad and great-uncle got akumatized and it’s made her a little tenser than usual lately.” She tapped her chin in thought. “You know, why don’t you find some proof for your adventures? Surely there’s a picture of you with the cat you rescued.” “And adopted,” Lila laughed a little. “Her name’s Polpetta because she’s fat like a meatball. We’re trying to get her to lose weight, I’m not sure how well it’s working.” “She sounds cute,” the blonde smiled. “I’d love to see a picture of her.” “Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt, Mylene,” Lila exhaled. “I just wish you weren’t the only one…” Her car arrived and she got inside, leaving Mylene to wait for her dad by herself.“Alright girls, today I’ll be introducing you to the Goat Miraculous,” Fu said as he retrieved a pair of ram’s horn-shaped hairclips from the Tortoiseshell Miracle Box. “Ziggy, we’ve got company.” Ziggy materialized in a flash of gray light. “H-hello, I’m Ziggy, the Goat Kwami of Passion,” she said shyly. “My power is Genesis, which allows you to transform any object you’re touching into anything you desire, but only if the final product is smaller in mass than you are. To transform you say ‘Summit’ and to detransform you say ‘Descend’. My power-up food is strawberries, especially if they come from a can, and my weapon is a pen that can be used like a dagger.” “Why canned strawberries specifically?” Chat asked. “Haven’t you watched those old cartoons where goats eat tin cans?” Chloe asked. Chat nodded in recognition. “It’s nice to meet you, Ziggy,” Zoe said, stretching out her hand. Ziggy shapeshifted one of her hooves into a humanoid hand and shook it. “Whoa, okay, I did not know Kwamis could do that. Pretty cool, though.” Ziggy laughed nervously. “Sorry if I scared you, girls…” “Hey, Master Fu?” Alya asked. “A new girl at our school said that she found a book with pictures of Miraculous heroes in it. Was she telling the truth?” “It’s possible that she was,” Fu replied. “After the fall of the monastery some of its contents have turned up in several places around the world. Empty Miraculous boxes, mostly, but there were a few scrolls detailing how to use a specific Miraculous – the brown bear, the raven, and the bison – that showed up in a British museum. No wondering how they got those,” he added bitterly. “I’m wondering,” Nino said. “The British were the ones who destroyed the monastery, Nino,” Bunnyx explained. “Ohhhh.” “Wait a minute…your monastery was in Tibet, right?” Chloe asked. “Because I saw something in the news this morning about a statue found there. Here, I’ll show you.” She took out her phone and showed the room the picture of the statue. Ziggy’s jaw dropped. “IT’S BACK! OH GIMMI IT’S BACK!” “What? What’s back?” Ladybug asked. “The beast called Feast! It eats and eats and never gets full, and it’ll eat anything that it can fit in its mouth! Master Fu, we need to leave.” “WHAT?!” Chloe gawked. “You can’t just leave! We have business to take care of!” “S-sorry, Chloe, but it’s not a good idea for him – or us – to stay.” Ziggy exhaled. “Feast was the monster that ate his wife.” The room went quiet. “Master Fu?” Galopain asked. Fu exhaled shakily. “There were three Miraculous from the Tortoiseshell Box that were lost during the fall of the monastery. Fluff’s watch was one of them; Nooroo’s brooch was another. The third was a lapel pin housing Duusu, the Peafowl Kwami of Emotion, and Feast was made with her power.” “Is that what the Peafowl can do? Make familiars?” Zoe asked. “Yes. They’re called ‘sentimonsters’ and are made by charging a feather with energy and having it possess an item, similarly to an akuma. However, instead of transforming a person it causes their emotions to manifest in the physical world as a creature. Most sentimonsters are no more aware than a computer program, Feast being one such example, but entire people have been made using the Peafowl as well. That practice is frowned upon due to the inherent ethical issues, though, so the Miracle Guardians were forbidden to use the Peafowl to make truly conscious beings.” “Sheesh,” Alya whistled. “So someone made Feast to assassinate your wife?” “Not exactly.” He exhaled. “I never told you the story of how I became a guardian, have I? It’s about time that I did. Wayzz, play the record.” Wayzz nodded and retrieved a vinyl record that he put on the phonograph section of the Miracle Box. It began to play the record, filling the room with white clouds and visions of Fu’s past.
“I was born in a small village near Guangzhou in southern China. My family wasn’t very wealthy, but we didn’t need money to be happy; we were content to simply live together and farm the land. But being so close to a large city that saw trade from many other nations, that peace was not to last. A tuberculosis outbreak hit my village when I was six, and it slew my parents while damaging my body. If you’re wondering why I’m so short as an adult, that bacterium is why.
“The outbreak was eventually contained by a group of heroes calling themselves the ‘Miracle Guardians’. They found me in the village and decided to take me and the other orphans under their wing to become new heroes. I was the first to accept; I didn’t want anyone else to suffer like I had.
“So my training began. I was assigned to the group training under the Tortoiseshell Miracle Box, where the oldest and most powerful Kwamis dwelled. Unfortunately, the leader of the group at the time was Master Su-Han, a rather uptight and cruel man who always rubbed our failures in our faces. He’d been chosen by Longg, the Dragon Kwami of Perfection, to teach him that it was okay to be imperfect, but he rejected her in favor of Plagg’s Destruction.
“Eventually I was chosen by Wayzz, the Box Turtle Kwami of Protection. Su-Han objected, of course, not wanting ‘Whiny Chicken Legs’ to have such a powerful Kwami empowering him. Wayzz responded by creating a force field around me that sent Su-Han flying into a wall when he touched it. Su-Han left the Guardians not long after, and I was made his successor as the Kwamis and I respected each other so much.
“As I grew older I learned more about Kwamis, and of Earthen magic as well. Healing spells, curing spells, spells that made animated stories out of my thoughts and words. And that’s all what I thought my life would be…until she showed up.
“Her name was Marianne Lenoir. She came from a family of magicians who’d been severely persecuted during the French Revolution, and she came to the Guardians to start a new life. She was eventually assigned to the Golden Miracle Box and was chosen by Mei Shi, the Lion Kwami of Obligation. We met during a mission and we quickly fell in love. We grew closer, got married, moved to a village in nearby Bhutan, had children…life was good.
“But a Bhutanese prince learned that Marianne was the secret identity of Yanluo, the leonine heroine that he wished to marry. He learned that she already had a husband and a family, but he didn’t care. He offered to buy her from me, but I refused; he tried again, and Wayzz did his force field trick again. The third time he tried to marry her, Mei Shi bit him, and after the fourth time the Guardians banned him from the monastery altogether. But he was undeterred.
“One day I was called to the house of Lan Niao, the Peafowl Champion at that time. He’d been injured, and he told me that the prince had stolen the Peafowl from him and was heading towards my village with a sentimonster. I immediately rushed over, but it was too late. Feast had eaten a considerable portion of my village, and Marianne had detransformed & been stripped of Mei Shi’s Miraculous by the prince. I used Wayzz’s power, Shell-ter, to try to protect her from Feast, but Feast had gotten so large that it broke through Shell-ter with its sheer bulk…and then she was gone. The prince declared that if he couldn’t have Marianne then no one could, then he tossed me the Peafowl & Lion and left me to deal with Feast. Angered, I unified the Lion, Box Turtle, and Peafowl together, then petrified Feast with a combination of Kwami and Earthen magic. The prince was executed for treason when his parents learned he’d destroyed one of his own villages, but it didn’t bring Marianne back. Nor our children and grandchildren, who were never found again after the village’s destruction.
“But I keep going nonetheless, so I can preserve their memories. Their dedication. My new obligation is to a new generation of Miracle Guardians so that the mistakes of my life aren’t repeated…which is easier said than done in a world so vehemently opposed to acknowledging magic that they’re willing to take a life.”
The vision ended. “Master Fu, that’s horrible,” Galopain sniffled. “It was one of the worst things in my life,” Fu exhaled. “But I don’t think that Feast will be waking up anytime soon, let the wider world think it’s just a statue.” Nino suddenly hugged him. “What?” “Dude, you shouldn’t have to do this alone,” Nino sniffled. Fu softened and returned the embrace, the girls and Kwamis eventually joining him.“Don’t you have homework?” Ziggy asked in the twins’ room. “We did some of it on the ride to Fu’s and back, we’ll do more of it on the way to Quanticon,” Chloe said as she and Zoe assembled their cosplay of Majestia and her evil twin Ignoblia, only conjoined. “Besides, Olympia Hill’s gonna be there!” “She’s the author of our favorite superhero comics,” Zoe explained. “Oh, I get it! It’s a mutual passion!” Ziggy beamed. “I’m all for exploring your passions! Just balance it out with your work life, okay?” “Don’t worry, Ziggy, we’ve learned how to balance things,” Chloe replied. “Kind of have to when you share three legs. Speaking of balance, would you mind transforming your Miraculous so we can wear it in our cosplay?” “Sure thing! What did you have in mind?” “How about a star on my side and a lightning bolt on Zoe’s? Oh, and make mine gold and hers silver.” “Coming right up!”Lila sighed. “I hope tomorrow’s better. Don’t you?” “Meow,” said Polpetta, a rotund brown tabby with a white belly, socks, and tailtip, as she leaned up into the butt scratch. Lila sighed again, not noticing the corrupted African death’s-head hawk moth phasing through her window. Her cat did, however, and darted over with surprising speed to pounce on it. The moth squeaked at her, making her rear up in shock and allowing the moth to escape into one of Lila’s bracelets. Lila found herself covered in purple smog, two featureless brown eyes gazing into her. “Chameleon, I am Hawk Moth. I will give you the power to infiltrate the place where proof of your claims lurks. In return, I want the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.” “N-no! I can prove it by myself!” Lila protested. “Part of you says otherwise,” he replied, and her true self was swallowed up. Polpetta darted under the couch as Lila emerged from the smog transformed. She was covered in mint green scales underneath a darker green hoodie with white stripes on the sides, the hood pulled over her head like a casque. Her hands and feet were bare and clawed, a curly tail sprouted from her hips, and a sharp, conical horn protruded from in between wide chameleon eyes. “Now go to Quanticon and get your proof.” “Yes, Hawk Moth,” Lila said.“Girl, are you alright?” Alya, currently dressed like Victory, asked. Marinette, currently dressed like Knightowl, sighed. “I don’t get Lila’s deal. All of her stuff is kinda far-fetched, but not enough to be an outright lie. I mean, I know a lot of famous people for my age and magic’s a thing now too, so I understand how weird life can be. But it seemed like she was trying to one-up us.” “Maybe, maybe not. Maybe we’ll ask for some proof tomorrow. Rose is the kind of person who’d ask to see a picture of a cat, and Juleka might know if Jagged Stone ever came across Olympia Hill and her family at a concert.” “Maybe. I just…I just don’t know, Alya. What if she’s lying to eventually get us to do her work for her? Or to donate to a charity that doesn’t exist? I’ve dealt with people like that before; last year there was a girl in my class named Cleo who tried to pull that kind of stunt with Sabrina. Thank goodness Sabrina was smart enough to see through it.” “Relax, Mari. Lila’s probably just trying to impress us because she’s new, it’s probably just some harmless tall tale telling, and that’s assuming it’s not true in the first place.” “I hope it’s just that,” Marinette muttered. “Ohhh, let’s talk about someone else. Like Kagami; I didn’t know we were getting the Tsurugi heiress in our class, or that Agreste Fashions was partnering with them.” “Me either, but if Adrien’s right then the site’s finally getting fixed,” Alya scoffed. “Seriously, the payment interface sucks. Hey, wait a minute, I think that’s the twins! Girls! Hey! You look nice!” “Would you have expected anything less from me?” Chloe quipped as she and Zoe approached them. “You guys look great. Victory was a good choice, Alya.” “Thanks! She’s my favorite after Majestia. Where’s Sabrina?” “Right here!” Sabrina, currently dressed like Snowflake, said as she approached the foursome while waving a map in her hands. “Nathaniel and I found out where Ms. Hill’s doing her signing!” “And I’ve brought things for her to sign,” Nathaniel, currently dressed like Mercury, said as he waved some of his coloring pages in his hands. “I’ve got Ladybug, Chat Noire, Bunnyx, and Galopain, figured superhero pages would be appropriate. Let’s go before the line fills up!”“Wow, it seems like our whole class is here except for Kagami and Lila,” Kim, currently dressed like Thorn, said as he marveled at the line. “Yeah, Kagami couldn’t make it, her mom’s got her on a pretty tight schedule,” Adrien, currently dressed like Doorman but with a full head of hair and no earrings, agreed. “I’m only able to come ‘cuz I finished all my Chinese lessons…I sure hope Father doesn’t figure out that Mandarin isn’t the only kind of Chinese out there.” Kim patted his shoulder sympathetically. “I feel ya, man. What about Lila?” “I think she might still be unpacking,” Alix, currently dressed like Hurricane, replied. “Ivan said he brought stuff for them to get autographed, though, so it should be fine. Yo, Marinette! Looking snazzy!” “Thanks! You do too!” Marinette called back. The line moved forward and Marinette took a step, only for her cape to slide under her foot. When she set her foot back down she tripped and fell backwards, only being caught at the last minute by a pair of strong, tanned hands that righted her. “Whoa! Thanks for the save! Knew I should’ve made the cape shorter…” “Holy shit.” Marinette blinked as she faced her savior, a girl of Oglalan ancestry with double braids who was cosplaying Knightowl’s sidekick Sparrow. “NeedleMistress! It’s me, Sparrow! What are the odds that we’d meet here in person?!” “Wow! Sparrow! It IS you!” Marinette cried. “Hey everyone! This is my online friend Sparrow, she’s from New York and she does skateboarding stunts.” “Hey, nice to meet you French people,” Sparrow said to Marinette’s classmates. “But Sparrow’s not my real name, allow me to introduce myself properly. I’m Jessica Keynes of the US of A, and I’m here to read comic books!” “Jessica, what are you talking about? Mom and Mama brought us here so we wouldn’t get into trouble at home.” Everyone blinked at the sudden appearance of an African-American girl with dreadlocks who was currently cosplaying as Uncanny Valley. “Shut up, Aeon, I’m trying to impress a girl here,” Jessica hissed. “Apologies. Hello everyone, I am Aeon Hill, Jessica’s stepsister. We’re here to spend Quanticon with our mothers until our winter break ends,” Aeon introduced herself. “And we intend to see the sights of Paris as well; do any of you know what the fastest way to the Eiffel Tower is?” “We can hook you up with a cab if you want,” Zoe said. “It’s nice to meet one of Marinette’s online friends! She hasn’t mentioned you guys much, but I’ve heard that she absolutely loves spending time with you.” “Her name’s Marinette? Fancy-schmancy. I like it,” Jessica said. Marinette flushed a bit. “Say, you’re cosplaying that incident from Majestia 40 where Majestia and Ignoblia got stuck together by Professor Cataclysm’s fusion ray; how did you get it so convincing?” “Because they’re actual conjoined twins,” Nino, currently dressed like Hot Dog Dan, grinned. Blue eyes flickered over the Bourgeois twins. “Ohhh. Oh you’re the mayor’s kids, we saw you on that French cooking show that we watched to improve our French. Nice to meetcha. Uh…which hands do I shake?” “Both of us have a left hand, so use them,” Chloe replied. Jessica nodded and shook their left hands, then Aeon did the same. “Jessica! Aeon! There you are!” A tall woman with short brown hair approached the group. “What’s kept you over here for this long?” “Sorry, Mom, but look! I met one of my online friends!” Jessica said, gesturing at Marinette. “Hi,” Marinette said with a nervous wave and smile. “Ah, a fellow Knightowl enjoyer. Excellent taste. Who’s your tailor?” the woman asked. “You’re looking at her,” Nathaniel chuckled. “She made these for us last year and they still fit; well, except for Alya’s and Adrien’s since they’re new to our class.” “Impressive. Barbara Keynes, I teach martial arts to kids in New York. And I also remind my wife when to eat, sometimes she gets so wrapped up in work that she forgets.” “Ain’t that the story of my life,” Marinette replied. They reached the front of the line at last, Olympia Hill sitting at a table signing proffered comic books. “Oh good, we’re here. Nathaniel, start handing out drawings.” “Roger roger,” Nathaniel saluted as he began distributing drawings to his classmates. “Dude! Did you make these? These are AWESOME!” Jessica exclaimed when she saw the drawing of Ladybug that Rose, currently dressed as Agent Red, received. “Yeah, he makes them for the Ladyblog. That’s our website for the superheroes, Alya runs it,” Rose explained. “It’s my baby,” Alya said proudly. “I’ve read those entries, it seems rather dangerous work,” Aeon said. “It can be, but the world needs to know about what Hawk Moth is doing. And the heroes have benefitted from my posts.” “Just play it safe, kid,” Barbara said sternly. “Don’t worry, my sister’s already grilled me for it.” It was finally their turn. “Ms. Hill! Hi! I’m Alya Cesaire, I run the Ladyblog.” “Oh, the Ladyblog! Real superheroes!” Olympia gushed. “I’ve always wanted to see Dad’s ideas come to life, although I could do without the moth man. What do I sign?” “This!” Alya said, producing a drawing of Ladybug. Olympia nodded and signed it, then did the same for all the rest in the line. When the twins arrived Olympia looked up. “Wow, Issue 40. Haven’t seen that one referenced in a while. How did you–” “They’re actual conjoined twins, Mama,” Jessica said. “Oh! Of course!” Chloe handed her a picture of Bunnyx and Zoe handed her one of Galopain. “Nice to meet you, Chloe and Zoe! The Ladyblog made mention of how much you loved my comics. And how one of your classmates got turned into Lady Fellflower.” “That was me!” Rose piped up. “Hey, us geeks gotta stick together, especially us conjoined twin geeks,” Zoe laughed. Olympia giggled and signed their drawings. “Uh…Jessica?” Marinette asked off to the side. “Did you just call Olympia Hill ‘Mama’?” “Yeah, she’s my stepmom and Aeon’s bio-mom. Both of our dads died in Iraq, our moms met in a support group and fell in love. Why do you ask?” Jessica asked. “Because a new student in my class said that she’d met Olympia Hill’s daughter, and I wasn’t sure if she was lying or not…” “You have three,” Olympia said when Ivan, currently dressed as Thundergard, said when he approached her. “Yeah, only one of them is mine. Ivan Bruel,” Ivan said as he gave her a drawing of Galopain. “The others are for two of our friends who couldn’t make it.” “Oh, well that’s alright.” Olympia signed the Galopain drawing. “Who do I make out these other two for?” “The Chat Noire one’s for Kagami Tsurugi, and the Ladybug one’s for Lila Rossi.” Olympia signed them. “Done. Wait a minute…Barb, do we know a ‘Lila Rossi’?” “I don’t,” Barbara said. “I do!” Jessica exclaimed. “She’s CeriseBianca from my Mecha Strike account! We met her in that Jagged Stone concert in New York, remember? The one where Aeon wanted to pet his crocodile?” “It was on my bucket list,” Aeon said weakly. “Oh her! The one who found that cat outside her hotel while she was in New York! Strange girl,” Barbara remarked. Marinette gaped. “Yuh…I…Lila wasn’t just telling the truth the whole time, she’s one of my online friends TOO?!” “Looks like it,” Alya said with a wince. “Eesh, this just got awkward.” “Why? What happened?” Jessica asked. “GET CLEAR! IT’S IN THE ROOM!” a security guard shouted as he ran into the hall. A long line of blue energy suddenly shot out from the ceiling, grabbed Jessica by the waist, and reeled her away. “JESSICA!” Barbara cried. “We gotta get outta here, guys! It might take us next!” Alix shouted. “Follow me out in an orderly fashion!” Sabrina ordered as she led her classmates away. A guilty-looking Marinette left the crowd to transform, Adrien, the twins, and Alix doing so as well. When the crowd was thick enough, Sabrina darted away as well.Alya stayed behind, comforting the Hill-Keyneses. “It’s okay, we’ll get her back,” she said soothingly. “You’d better,” Barbara growled. “An actual supervillain! And he decides to send one of his cronies out today to attack my daughter!” “He doesn’t work like that, honey, Hawk Moth works like Razor Ghoul,” Olympia replied. “These people don’t want to become villains.” “I see.” Barbara exhaled. “Alya, do you know anything about what might’ve gotten Lila turned?” “She talked about some of her weird stories in school today and Marinette thought she might’ve been pulling our legs for attention,” Alya said. “That would be consistent for Lila, I’m afraid,” Aeon winced. “When I met her I learned that she has very few friends in her native Naples. Her mother is a translator working under a diplomat, so Lila’s had to meet some very odd people and go to some very odd events. But hardly anyone takes her seriously because of just how odd her life can be sometimes.” “She must’ve been desperate to find real friends, then. Poor girl.”Jessica came to in a storage closet. “Where am I?” Something invisible shimmered in front of her. “Uh…what?” “Jess!” Lila turned visible. “It’s me, Lila!” “You look like a lizard. I thought your fursona was a fox.” “…don’t kinkshame me. Anyway, I need your help! No one believes my stories and you’re the only one I know who can back me up!” “So why did Hawk Moth turn you into a lizard?” “To get past the security guards, doi. I didn’t have a ticket.” “…uh…but listen, Lila, don’t do this! We can do this without any kidnapping or weird lizard stuff!” “How can you say that?! Marinette didn’t believe me! I recognized her voice, I thought she would’ve recognized mine back…” Jessica reached out and hugged the transformed girl. “Listen, Li, maybe you laid it on a bit too thick. With all the weird shit that’s been going on lately Marinette’s probably scared out of her wits, thinking everything around her’s the enemy or something. And Marinette should’ve asked for further proof of your adventures rather than just writing you off. Therefore, I conclude that both of you fucked up and need to talk to each other before this gets any further out of hand.” “How did you get so smart?” Lila asked while wiping her eyes. “I have a sister,” Jessica shrugged. “Some things just take having a sibling to figure out.” “CATACLYSM!” The door to the room disintegrated, revealing Chat Noire and Ladybug on the other side. On reflex Lila opened her mouth, an energy whip taking the place of her tongue lashing out and smacking Chat in the forehead. “Ow! I’ve been licked!” “Lila?” Ladybug asked morosely. “Can you…ask Hawk Moth to rescind the akuma?” “He can do that?” Lila asked. “He’s done it a few times if the villain asked or he didn’t think it was working out,” Galopain explained. Lila nodded. “Hawk Moth? I wanna go back to being me. It’s no fun being a chameleon, it’s cold outside and my feet hurt.” “As you wish,” Hawk Moth said through a visor, undoing her transformation and letting Chat purify the akuma. “Lucky Charm.” Ladybug received a pair of knitting needles that made her mumble something unintelligible before she tossed them into the air, dispensing the Cure. “Galopain, you never needed to use your power, take Jessica downstairs and Lila home.” “Yes, Ladybug,” Galopain nodded, escorting them away while Chat and Ladybug fled. “So much for needing us,” Chloe snarked. Their costume was made of gray spandex with black sleeves and leggings, a black stripe along each spine ending in a small flap of furry fabric above the tailbone and the toeboxes of their black shoes cloven like hooves. Their hair had turned black and was held back by blue headbands with fake horns, Chloe’s horns curved and Zoe’s smaller and straighter, Chloe’s hair in a ponytail and Zoe’s in her usual long bob with the pink spots in her bangs now a mixture of periwinkle and white, and black bandannas tied around their now-yellow eyes in such a way that the ends resembled goat ears. The pen-dagger was strapped to a holster on Chloe’s right hip. “Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” “We’ll be needed next time, Chlo,” Zoe said. “But why did Ladybug seem so sad? It’s not like this was personal to her or anything.” “She has anxiety issues, this might just be an off day for her.” “Could be. Poor bug.” “Lila, are you alright?” Lila’s biological mother, a redhead named Isabella Rossi, asked. Lila exhaled. “No, Mom, I’m not. One of my online friends is in my class but she didn’t recognize me. And she thought I was lying about my stories. And that’s why I got akumatized.” “Oh, honey!” Isabella hugged her daughter. “I’m sorry she made you feel that way. Have you talked to her yet, gotten her side of the story?” “No, but–” Her phone rang. “I don’t recognize this number.” She accepted the call. “Hello?” “Lila?” Lila’s jaw dropped. “It’s Marinette. I just wanted to say…I’m so sorry! I didn’t recognize your voice and I didn’t think to ask for proof because I know you would’ve given it and I’M A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO GOT YOU AKUMATIZED!” “Marinette, Marinette, it’s okay!” Lila said hastily. “It wasn’t that bad, I don’t even remember it happening. And apparently I didn’t do anything that horrible. But…Marinette…it wasn’t entirely your fault. I-it was also partly mine.” Marinette sniffled. “W-what?” “I’m not blameless, Marinette. I may have been a bit desperate to make friends on my first day at my new school, and I might have been a little too boastful about my misadventures. It’s broken for broken, it’s like Jessica said to me while we waited for my mom to pick me up; we both screwed up today and we could’ve prevented this by talking about it first. But it’s okay; I’m not mad at you, Marinette. Looking back…I’m mostly just embarrassed at myself.” Marinette sniffled. “Th-thanks, Lila.” “Oh, and one more thing.” Lila sent Marinette a few bits of media: a picture of her and Jessica backstage with Jagged Stone, another picture with Aeon gingerly petting Fang’s haunches, a video of Polpetta falling out of a tree and onto Lila’s head, and a picture of a piece of paper with the sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” written one time each in Neapolitan, Tuscan Italian, French, English, Spanish, German, Russian, Japanese, Hebrew, and most recently (given that the ink was visibly fresher) Arabic. “There! All my proof.” “Now I remember that you mentioned you got a cat last summer,” Marinette said. “Wasn’t expecting the cat to get you first, though. Good night, Lila, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” “Alright! See you!” Lila hung up and exhaled. “Mom, I think things are going to work out fine.”They did not. The following morning Marinette slumped down the steps in a clear fugue, tear tracks marring her already-scarred face. “I’ll get you breakfast, sweetie,” Sabine said gently. “‘m’fine, Mama,” Marinette mumbled, pushing her aside and walking away. Sabine gasped. “Marinette, you have to eat! You have school!” Tikki exclaimed as she stuck her head through the ceiling. Marinette ignored her. “Dangit! Sabine–” “On it!” Sabine started moving after her daughter, who noticed and picked up the pace.Downstairs, Tom saw a man looking at his phone in a panic. “Can’t be late, can’t be late!” the man chanted to himself as he took a croissaint. An akuma phased through the door, heading for the man’s hat. Suddenly, he saw a text message on his phone. “WAHOO! My meeting got cancelled! What luck!” The akuma’s wings drooped and it fluttered away, seemingly sad, while the man went over to a table and started eating. It was at that exact moment that Marinette reached the first floor, colliding headfirst with the akuma in the process. She’d forgone her usual pigtails for a headband, and the akuma was sucked inside of it. “NO!” Tom cried as Marinette was enveloped in purple smog. “Panic, I am–” Hawk Moth’s eyes widened. “NO! You’re not the right target! Abort, abort! Get out of her head you stupid moth!” “Stupid moth,” Marinette mumbled, the depth of her despair and self-hatred sucking the akuma into her soul harder than Hawk Moth could tug it out. “Just like me, a stupid girl. A stupid girl who deserves to be punished.” And then she transformed. When the smog lifted she’d been turned into a blue-skinned humanoid with a shaggy mane of indigo hair, eyes burning with faded yellow fire and a mouth full of too many brilliant white human teeth, clad in a tattered black tunic and muddy fur boots with a muddied lion’s tail lashing behind her. She roared, a chilling sound that drowned out every other sound in the building and filled Tom and Sabine’s minds with a vision…
The bakery had collapsed in a fire. “Marinette!” Tom cried. “My daughter’s in there!”
“Sorry, sir, but this fire won’t go out!” the fireman replied. “We’ve drained all the hydrants!”
“Do something! ANYTHING! Please!” Sabine begged. As if on cue it started raining.
“Tikki!” Tom called. Tikki appeared. “Find Marinette!”
“That’s the thing! I did!” Tikki replied tearfully. “She’s over there!” Tom and Sabine followed her over and gasped at the sight of a small body stripped of all its flesh.
Sabine gasped. “That fracture on the femur…that’s where Marinette broke her leg when she was eight.” She, Tom, and Tikki cried together.
When the vision ended, Marinette was gone and the man was huddled over in his seat. “Tikki,” Sabine whispered, “I’m going to save my daughter. Did Marinette have your Miraculous on?” “No, she always takes it off before bedtime. Good thing, too, otherwise Hawk Moth might be able to force her to give him the Ladybug Miraculous directly.” “Bring it to me. My house was on fire and my child was gone, but I’ll see to it that Ladybug flies home. It’s time that Hawk Moth faced the wrath of Motherbug.” Tikki matched her determined gaze. “It’d be my pleasure. Tell Tom you’ll be busy.”Lila got out of her car and was immediately swarmed by reporters. “Miss Rossi, what brought on your akumatization?” “Miss Rossi, did Hawk Moth akumatize you to declare war on Italy?” “Miss Rossi, why did you kidnap Olympia Hill’s stepdaughter?” “I-I-I–” “HEY! BACK OFF!” Chloe roared as she and Zoe raced out of their limo as fast as they could on three legs. “Can’t you see that you’re scaring her?! Leave her alone!” “Yeah, back off!” Zoe added. “If you want to know so badly read the Ladyblog or wait for Nadja Chamack’s interview with the Hill-Keyneses! Otherwise, go away! You’re making us late for school!” The reporters cowered and let the girls go inside. “Thanks,” Lila smiled gratefully. “Don’t mention it, we’ve been harassed by journalists with low standards before,” Chloe said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “We’ll always look out for another girl in the same situation. Speaking of which…” The twins marched away. “HEY, GET AWAY FROM TSURUGI, LET THE GIRL GO TO SCHOOL FOR PETE’S SAKE!” “Rose was right when she said she was the queen bee,” Lila remarked to herself. “She’ll sting anyone who messes with her hive.” She blinked. “Wait…she defended me…that means I’m part of her hive!” She cried happy tears. “Finally! Friends!”“It’s so weird,” Kim said as he looked out the window. “We’ve never had this much attention for akuma attacks before.” “This is very anomalous,” Max agreed. “Mayor Bourgeois and Lt. Raincomprix were both akumatized, as were Adrien’s cousin and Marinette’s uncle, yet the English and Chinese governments have never declared it a diplomatic incident and Mayor Bourgeois’ has received little attention in recent weeks. Given that Lila’s mother is only a translator and not a diplomat, I wonder why Lila’s akumatization is drawing so much attention.” “Maybe it’s because Jessica’s the stepdaughter of Olympia Hill,” Mylene said. “People tend to flip out a lot over actors & entertainers.” “Or maybe it’s because Americans are just touchy as shit and it’s rubbing off on our journalists,” Alix grumbled. “H-has anyone seen Marinette?” Juleka asked. “She might just be late or nearly-late,” Adrien said. “I don’t think so, Adrien-kun. The route my mother’s car takes to this school passes by the Dupain-Cheng bakery, and I saw her walking down the street yesterday but not today,” Kagami replied. “Maybe she got sick? I know Aurore’s out today because she got the flu yesterday,” Sabrina pondered. “Maybe she got akumatized.” Everyone looked at Lila. “She was really upset that she’d accidentally caused me to get akumatized, maybe Hawk Moth decided to–” “No,” Chloe interrupted. “Rossi, Marinette’s dad got akumatized last October. After it happened he made Hawk Moth promise to stay away from Marinette.” “On pain of possible death,” Zoe added. “Maybe it was an accident,” Nathaniel suggested. “Like, one of the customers for the bakery was supposed to be akumatized and Marinette bumped into the akuma by mistake. With her tendency to bump into stuff I’m surprised it hasn’t happened earlier.” “Wouldn’t Hawk Moth be able to take the akuma out? He did that for my little sisters…eventually,” Alya countered. “If what Lila says is true she might’ve been in a bad enough mood that he couldn’t,” Nino frowned. “I know Marinette has trouble asking for help when she’s sad or upset.” “Oh, poor Marinette,” Rose whimpered, wiping her eyes. “This is still all just a guess, Rose,” Ivan reminded her. “Marinette might just be late.” He swallowed. “I hope that means she’s the right kind of late.” The room went deathly silent as the implication of his statement hit them. Then they heard a roar, a scream, and their visions clouded over with fear: Adrien saw his mother’s lifeless body in a coffin. “You did this! YOU!” Gabriel sneered. “I’m going to lock you in your room until you die! You’ll never have any friends! I wish you were never born!” And then Adrien fell until he found himself in his room, which had bars over the windows and had shrunk to a twentieth its original size. Alya whimpered as journalists yelled at her on a talk show. “You’re just a stupid kid!” “You’re a talentless hack!” “Leave the news to the grown-ups!” “Go back to Africa you four-eyed negro BITCH!”
Nino swallowed as Bob Roth snapped a record in half. “When I’m through with you you’ll NEVER find an audience for that garbage you call music!” Bob sneered.
Mylene, locked in a pillory, whimpered as her long-missing mother readied a studded leather belt. “Spineless pig!” Jeanne Harprele snapped as the belt went flying.
Nathaniel, strapped to a chair, whimpered as he was forced to stare at an image of two boys holding hands in a romantic fashion while a nun forced a pill into his mouth. The pill made him throw up, yet another stain on his favorite shirt. “Yes, YES!” the nun chanted. “Purge the sin from your soul you ugly Jew fairy!”
Juleka screamed as a group of cisgender women of various ages set her hair on fire and laughed at her.
Kim found himself drowning in the middle of the ocean. A seaplane touched down. “Sorry, but help is only available for SMART children,” the pilot sneered before flying away, leaving Kim to die.
Rose fell down a flight of stairs, breaking every bone in her body.
“MONSTER!” a woman screamed. Ivan wasn’t able to speak before a large group of people clustered around him and started hitting him with sticks.
Sabrina found herself alone in the world. “Hello? Anyone?” No response. “Oh…” She curled up in a ball and started crying.
Max saw a game he’d designed be banned on the grounds of him being “more robot than man, and therefore not deserving of anything ever but ESPECIALLY love”.
Alix was skating along the track and laughing heartily when she suddenly started bleeding into her pants. “I’m sorry, Alix, but you’ve inherited your mother’s colon cancer,” said a doctor who appeared next to her. “You have one week to live.”
“LIAR! YOU ALWAYS LIE! I BET YOU GOT AKUMATIZED ON PURPOSE!” someone screamed. Lila whimpered as she was pelted with a veritable storm of rotten produce. Kagami whimpered as she watched her prized possessions get thrown into an incinerator, unable to do anything because four boys were holding her by her limbs. Then she felt someone yank her hair hard enough to force her to the ground. “Girls don’t EVER cry!” her grandfather’s voice barked from behind her. Chloe found herself in a hospital bed. Blinking, she removed the covers and screamed at the network of scars stretching over her skin, including…Zoe’s left leg now attached to her left pelvic bones. She’d been surgeried into a non-conjoined girl. She looked over to her right and screamed at the sight of Zoe’s severed head, the eyes vacant and the tongue lolling out, floating in a jar of formaldehyde. “Because of you we've lost face!” Chloe’s gaze snapped towards Audrey, who was wearing bloodied medical scrubs that she was currently wiping a pair of bloodied surgical scissors on. “You've ruined our name and our reputation! Bourgeois do not raise losers. You think you're going to London on vacation? Dream on! I'm going to take control of your life again, starting with your education.” The visions ended. “What the FUCK?!” Alix cried. “I…I…” “I think that was Marinette,” Zoe said in a very small voice. Her lower lip started quivering and she burst into tears. Chloe hugged her twin as best she could, the tears flowing freely from her eyes as well. One by one the entire class started crying from being forced to confront their own personal worst-case scenarios. The door swung open, startling them out of their tears, and Ms. Bustier marched in furiously. “WHAT. DID. COCK. MOTH. DO?!”Marinette kept shambling down the street, not caring that she was entering the Louvre. If someone tried to block her, she simply roared, letting the panic aura send her opponents (and anyone else within radius) to the ground and stepping over them. She eventually passed a group of young adults whose visions were filled with evil sorcerers torturing the masses for amusement. Once they snapped out of it, instead of crying their eyes filled with hatred and they marched deeper into the museum. They eventually came across the petrified Feast on display, standing a good thirty feet tall. “Hello, how are you enjoying the museum?” Jalil asked. “If you found this statue in Tibet and it’s been there for a hundred years, why hasn’t it broken?” the leader of the group, a skinny boy with oily black hair, asked. “You know, it’s the darndest thing. This statue can’t be damaged! It’s completely unbreakable and cannot weather! If we could find a way to replicate this rock we’d never have to demolish a building again!” “This statue must’ve been made by magic!” the leader said to the others. “And only evil people use magic! Look at what Hawk Moth’s doing to our city!” “Yes, but there’s also good magic like Ladybug and Chat Noire’s,” Jalil said. “Pfffft! Get real! They’re only pretending to save people! They’re in on it with Hawk Moth. I say we make an example out of this statue to show those ‘heroes’ that magic isn’t welcome in our city!” “Hey, no vandalism! Am I gonna have to call a– OOF!” Jalil was elbowed in the stomach and sent to the floor while the delinquents picked up various rocks left over from construction, along with various newly-found pieces of jewelry and china, and threw them at Feast, jeering all the while. A blonde girl snagged a malachite bottle that she threw at Feast, causing it to erupt into hot pink flames with blue highlights. “Whoa! That bottle was enchanted!” she gasped. “Not anymore! It’s in pieces!” a brown-haired girl grinned. They all laughed but stopped when they heard something crack. They looked up and their jaws dropped as the fire magic reacted with the petrification spell that Fu had frozen Feast with and the various other kinds of magic they’d unwittingly exposed it to via the other items. The rock crumbled away, revealing blue flesh with the texture of vinyl. The delinquents gaped as Feast awoke and lumbered off its platform…and turned their way. Now, Feast was blind, deaf, and about as intelligent as the average centipede, but its sense of smell was impeccable, and right now it smelled food. Turning its nearly-featureless head at the delinquents, a sticky purple tongue unhinged out of its mouth and captured them.“Thank you for your time, Ms. Hill, I know this might be rough for your family right now,” Nadja said. “It’s nothing, Ms. Chamack. Jessica handled herself well and the heroes mounted a quick response,” Olympia replied. “But all the same, are you okay sweetie?” “Yes, Mama, I’m fine,” Jessica said like the moody teenager she was. “See?” Suddenly Nadja’s phone went off. “Oh? What’s that?” “Akuma alert,” Nadja replied. She looked at it and her jaw dropped. “No.” She looked at the camera. “Cut to commercial!” Once she’d gotten the all-clear Nadja slumped. “It’s Marinette. She got turned into a being that gives people visions of their worst fears.” “Oh shit,” Jessica swore. “Language, Jessica,” Barbara said sternly. “This is a fucking shit situation. She must’ve been self-flagellating over that disagreement she had with Lila yesterday.” “Um…Mom?” Aeon asked after looking up from her phone. “There’s…another alert. Something about a…giant frog in the Louvre that’s eating people. What the heck?” “Is Hawk Moth able to make two akumas in a day?” Olympia asked. “Theoretically yes, but he’s never done it since it would mean severing the connection to the previous villain. This might be something else.” “Well, whatever it is, I’m not going to let Marinette keep hurting herself like this,” Jessica said firmly. “I’m going after her.” “No you’re not,” Barbara said. Jessica glared at her. “Not without a helmet. Go get your protective gear for skating from our hotel and then go after her.” “Thanks, Mom!” Jessica hugged her. “Aeon?” Olympia asked. “I’m no good with fighting, but I am good with science,” Aeon said. “I’ll stay here and try to see if there’s a pattern to where the akumas went from previous battles, maybe it’ll help us find Hawk Moth and the French police can arrest him today.” “Smart! I’ll help you set up the spreadsheets. Barb?” “I’m going to drive Jessica to the hotel and then to the Louvre, after that it’s up to her,” Barbara replied. “Just stay away from the monster, okay? Oh, and Oli, you should try and wrangle up some cops while you’re at it.” “Will do! Let’s make like Majestia and save the city!” Olympia declared. “That’s the spirit!” Nadja grinned.Chat raced down the sidewalk. “Marinette!” she called. “Marinette, where are you?!” “She’s around the Louvre, Chat!” Bunnyx said as she hopped alongside her. “Didn’t you see the alert?!” “No?! I’ve been busy?!” “Girls! Stop fighting! We have to prioritize Marinette’s safety!” Galopain said as she joined them. “And Ladybug’s not responding either, that’s double-bad!” They heard the fluttering of wings as a shorter version of Ladybug with fewer spots, short candy orange hair in a bob, and a more faded shade of red to her costume joined them. “Uh…” “Good morning, girls. Ladybug’s out today, so she asked me to take over for her,” Motherbug said. “You can call me Motherbug.” “Ohhhh, you must be her mom! And Ladybug must’ve gotten that flu that’s going around,” Chat guessed. Motherbug exhaled, relieved by how dense Chat could be when it came to the glamour. “Yes, she’s out sick. I may not be as agile as you youngsters, but I’m not going to let Cock Moth get away with this.” “Welcome aboard, Motherbug!” Galopain said. “The Alpine Kids said they’d be at the Louvre as soon as possible. They said they got hit already, so we’re hoping they’re immune to her powers.” “Let’s hope that’s how it works,” Motherbug agreed. Bunnyx’s phone buzzed. “Yello?”“Uh…girls?” Zoe asked at the Louvre. “We have a problem.” “What? Did your car break down?” “No, we’re at the Louvre…it’s just…” “The fucking frog woke up is the problem!” Chloe snapped. “It tore a hole in the wall and it’s eating civilians, and it’s getting bigger with every bite! It’s already like, twenty meters tall!” Indeed, Feast had doubled in height since it had been freed, and although the change in size made it slower its tongue was still as fast as ever. “How do we kill a sentimonster without the Peafowl?!” “Chat could Cataclysm it, but it’s alive so I don’t know how she’d feel about that,” Zoe mused. “Ladybug could Lucky Charm a sword, then? Or a bazooka?” “It’s Motherbug today, apparently ours is out sick and her mom’s filling in. I’ll ask her if she’s willing to kill a frog. Over and out.” Bunnyx hung up. “Well, if we’re French and it’s a frog, maybe we could eat it?” Chloe suggested. Zoe gave her a withering look. “Right, not one of my better ideas. Any suggestions, sis?” “We’re the Goat right now, Chloe,” Zoe reminded her. “We can use Genesis to enhance our pen-dagger into a more powerful weapon. It might not be enough to kill it, but if we slow it down that would help the others finish it off.” She tapped her chin pensively. “It doesn’t have any eyes and it doesn’t seem to have tympana either, so I think it’s deaf as well as blind. So it’d get around with touch and scent, but it doesn’t seem to have a nose…” “Which means we need to take out its tongue,” Chloe decided as she removed the pen-dagger from its holster. “This is going to be another disturbing villain fight, isn’t it?” “Not as disturbing as what Marinette made us see,” Zoe shuddered. “That’s what Mom wants to do to us, Chloe. Browbeat you into a broken shell of a girl and leave my dead head in a jar.” “We need to find a way to convince her that you’re a different person from me,” her sister agreed as she removed the pen-dagger from its holster. “Alright, let’s do this. Let’s make this pen into a gun so we don’t have to get close.” “GENESIS!” The pen-dagger glowed cyan and its shape started to change until it became two sniper rifle/machine gun hybrids conjoined by a harness that wrapped around the twins’ conjoined backs, to be controlled by their respective outer hands which were held to the guns via bracers. On the front side of the harness a conjoined pair of binoculars emerged, and Chloe picked them up with her left hand so the twins could use them to get a better shot. They took aim and fired, a bolt of cyan energy taking the place of a bullet. Their aim wasn’t quite there, though, so instead of hitting Feast’s tongue it hit the sentimonster’s forehead, ricocheting off in a shower of sparks. “Impenetrable skin,” Zoe frowned. “No wonder Fu wasn’t able to kill it back then.” “Yes, that’s why I had to petrify it.” The twins blinked as Fu, dressed in an armored green costume with scales resembling a turtle, showed up. “I am Jade Turtle, the last of the Miracle Guardians, and I’m going to help you save my city. Some notes about Feast: sentimonsters are not exactly like akumatized villains as emotions can be internalized, so if a sentimonster is fed their own amok they’ll be freed from the Peafowl’s control forever. Feast is one such sentimonster.” “So it looks like we’ll have to kill it the long way,” Chloe frowned. “Why didn’t you come up with a gun earlier?” “Because the more Feast eats the faster it can heal, and I don’t know of anything besides Cataclysm that works fast enough to kill it.” “When was Feast made anyway?” “1881.” “So machine guns didn’t exist yet,” Chloe determined. “And certainly not ones like ours. Let’s give it a shot.” She sighed. “Damnit, walked right into that one. Whatever! Time to take it down!” “We cannot let Feast destroy our fair city! Not when it’s already caused so much pain and terror!” Zoe said as she took aim. “EAT GOAT MAGIC, MOTHAFUCKA!” The twins fired on Feast again, this time successfully hitting its tongue. Blue blood spurted out of the entry & exit holes as it moaned in pain, the wounds closing as its magic worked. But as it lost blood it shrank, and the more it shrank the slower its wounds healed. Fu threw his shield at it and scored a deep cut in the tongue that healed a little bit slower. “Yes! That’s good!” Fu said after catching his shield. “When your team arrives I’ll ask Motherbug to lure Marinette over here while using Shell-ter to protect as many people as I can from her panic induction. Galopain will disable her powers, Bunnyx will find the akumatized item, and Chat will destroy it. Nino and Alya weren’t able to come because their parents decided to visit them at school and I had to come here on very short notice, so we won’t be able to use any other Miraculous for this fight. As for Feast, once Plagg recharges I will take his power myself and do what I should’ve done a hundred and thirty-five years ago.” His eyes narrowed. “For Marianne. For my charges. For Paris.” Feast started moving in the direction of the bullets. Simple though it was, it was smart enough to understand that if it ate the source of its pain it would be able to heal. It started hopping their way, the street buckling under its multi-ton weight whenever it landed. Fu picked up the twins with surprising strength and backwards-walked them away from Feast so they could keep firing on it. “It’s working! It’s shrinking! But how do we get it to ralph up the people it ate?” Chloe asked. “Slaying Feast ought to free the civilians, although if they’ve died we’ll have to hope that the Ladybug Cure can resurrect them,” Fu replied with a grimace. “Not having been in there myself I don’t know how its stomach works, although it’s likely extrauniversal. Keep firing.” She nodded and did so. Then he suddenly cried out in anguish as visions of his wife’s and descendants’ bodies filled his head. He fell to his knees and detransformed on reflex, causing the weight of the twins to collapse them to the ground on top of him. “Mr. Fu! What happened?” Zoe asked when she felt a familiar feeling of dread. “Shit. Marinette. At least we’ve got the Goat this time, its Passion powers must be warding off her powers a bit.” “Oh, no,” Chloe gasped as Marinette came into view and stood before Feast. “She’s going to get herself eaten! Oh, no, she’s going to kill herself! We can’t let that happen! DUPAIN-CHENG! OVER HERE! YOUR FIGHT’S WITH ME, NOT THE FROG!” Something inside Marinette stirred at the mention of her true name. A loathing much greater than her loathing for herself. A hatred burning brighter than her hatred for herself. In the back of her mind the true Marinette recognized Feast as the monster who’d caused Fu so much personal pain, who’d terrified a god. She roared at it, but Feast was too unintelligent to be affected. She slumped, not liking the failed attempt, and proceeded to walk away. The twins’ jaws dropped, as did their transformation. Ziggy flew out of Chloe’s hairclip, screamed at the sight of Feast, and dove into Zoe’s clip to hide. Marinette kept shambling away until she hit something else: another akuma, this one translucent and ghostly. Everyone watched as the ghostly moth flew over to an ornamental plant and…laid an egg on its leaf. An egg that suddenly grew and grew and grew until it was eight feet tall. Then the shell exploded in a cloud of white dust. And when the dust settled, Hawk Moth himself strode out onto the sidewalk. “HAWK MOTH!” The twins turned to see the rest of the heroes moving their way. “Get away from her!” Motherbug growled. “I’m correcting my mistake, woman!” Hawk Moth retorted before turning around. Marinette roared, but a purple aura glowed around him before fading away. “Sorry, but I’m the champion of Transmission, and I’ve already seen my worst nightmare come to life,” he sneered. “Your powers do nothing to me.” Marinette roared again and tried to bite him, the flames in her eyes burning hotter, but Hawk Moth held her in place with his lower pair of arms while the upper pair removed the headband and snapped it in half. “Chat Noire, purify the akuma!” he ordered as he lobbed the slimy black akuma at the feline heroine, who did so. In a flash of purple light Marinette returned to her human self. “What…” she groaned. “There you go, child,” Hawk Moth exhaled. “You’re back to normal. I do apologize for not doing so earlier, but your emotions were even stronger than I am. Do you have undiagnosed depression, by any chance?” “I…oh god,” Marinette said when she realized what had happened. “Hawk Moth, why are you here?” Galopain questioned as the heroes came to a stop. “One, to deakumatize Marinette Dupain-Cheng in person, which I have done. Two, to destroy this sentimonster because I don’t share my city with other supervillains.” He unscrewed the top of his cane, revealing it to contain a rapier inside. “I’m going to slay that thing if it’s the last thing I do.” “Okay, two things. One, that thing’s skin is impenetrable, and two, how did you know that’s a sentimonster?” Zoe questioned. “Impenetrable skin? That’s not good,” Chat muttered off to the side. “One, Nooroo knows Duusu on a personal basis, and two, that thing is certainly not one of mine,” Hawk Moth replied. “And what are you two doing– oh, right, Marinette. Whatever. Take the girl and give her care. Heroes, for now we have a truce. Its mind is too simple to be akumatized, so I can’t control it myself.” He spread his wings and started flapping them. “But if its skin is like that of the Nemean Lion, then its mouth is its weakest point.” He took to the air. “DIE!” he roared as he flew towards it. Chloe and Zoe stood up, then saw Fu sprawled on the sidewalk. “Mr. Fu! Shit! We’re so sorry!” Chloe yelped. “Ugh…it’s alright,” he groaned as he got to his feet. “Alright, we need a new plan. I can’t let Hawk Moth know about me, so I’ll stay behind with Bunnyx and use Shell-ter to protect the Burrow portal while she searches the past. I’d like to try to find an Earth magic spell I could use to impede Feast somehow, perhaps a partial petrification spell.” “Will do, teach!” Bunnyx saluted. “Motherbug, use Lucky Charm to make a firearm, Feast shrinks when it loses blood. Be careful about the Cure, though, it might heal Feast’s injuries.” “Understood,” Motherbug nodded. “Lucky Charm!” She got a laser rifle. “Um…Ladybug doesn’t get these science fiction weapons.” “Adults who use Miraculous have additional abilities that children lack, younger champions are favored because they acclimate to these abilities faster when they arrive gradually,” Fu explained. Sabine nodded in understanding. “Galopain, use Uproar to neutralize Feast’s superpowers. To heal, to grow, to smell, any of them.” “I’ll try my best,” Galopain nodded. “Chat Noire, when the time is right I want you to–” “Uh, I’m not comfortable with using Cataclysm on a living thing,” Chat said while waving her hands defensively. “–give me the Black Cat Miraculous so I can use Cataclysm on Feast. After the Cure so it won’t be brought back to life. Get as many civilians out of the way as you can in the meantime.” “Ohhhh, I can do that. You heard the turtle! Break!” Everyone got to their respective stations, leaving Chloe and Zoe alone with Marinette. Marinette trembled. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I–” “Shut the fuck up.” Marinette blinked and looked up at Chloe’s stern glare. “You fucked up around Rossi, yeah, that goes without saying. But is hurting yourself really the proper punishment?!” “Chloe, you don’t understand! I’m a horrible person!” “No, you’re NOT! Whoever told you that is a bald-faced liar!” “You don’t get it, Chloe! Do you know what it’s like to have ADHD?!” Marinette exploded. “To start something and get really invested in it, so much so that you forget practically everything else in the world including your basic human needs, only for your brain to force you to quit halfway through?! To forget to do the things that you love, fulfill the promises that you made, and do the things you need to do to care for yourself without KNOWING that you forgot to do them until someone is yelling at you for being a fucking SPASTIC RETARD IN THOSE EXACT WORDS?! You have no idea what that’s like!” “But I sure as fuck know what it’s like to be abandoned by YOUR OWN MOTHER for something that you can’t help being!” Chloe snarled back. “And I know what it’s like to have your own mother want to KILL you because she’s too much of a fucking moron to understand that you’re your own person!” Zoe snapped. “Besides, Marinette, you forgot one thing: we’ve seen an alternate version of yourself who stole her crush’s phone! Who knows what other creepy things she’s done or is going to do? Acquire Adrien’s schedule for the next three years? Buy birthday presents for the next THIRTY-FIVE years?! Break into his house?! Sabotage every other relationship with a girl he’s had?! Stalk him all the way to China?! You are NOWHERE near that bad, Marinette!” Marinette’s jaw dropped when the twins suddenly hugged her. “You’re one of the nicest girls we know,” Chloe said. “And you shouldn’t feel like you have to lie about how you’re feeling to be accepted. Or be perfect all the time. You’re fourteen, you’re allowed to fuck up every now and then.” “Most people’s fuck-ups don’t get their best friends akumatized,” Marinette sniffled. “And that’s Cock Moth’s fault, not yours.” The three girls looked up to see Jessica join them. “Hey Mari. Finally found you. Did you talk to Lila yet?” “Y-yeah, last night. She…she said she was more embarrassed by getting carried away with her stories than she was annoyed with me not believing them.” “Good.” Jessica hugged her. “I love you, Marinette. And I want you to be able to love you too.” “Is that a roundabout way of asking me out?” the baker girl laughed mirthlessly. “No! You’re depressed! Right now you need a therapist, not a girlfriend! Not that I wouldn’t mind kissing you,” Jessica added under her breath while blushing. “Hey, wait, Jessica, I just had an idea,” Zoe said. “Did you see that giant frog monster?” “Yeah, I’m familiar with it.” “The what– holy shit. Wait, is that my mom wearing the Ladybug earrings?!” Marinette exclaimed when she saw Sabine firing laser beams into Feast’s tongue. “And why is Cock Moth helping?! Holy fuck he is tall.” “He deakumatized you himself,” Chloe replied. “Zoe, finish your idea.” “Oh yeah! Jess, we need to kill that frog monster with Cataclysm, which is Chat Noire’s destruction power. But Chat has some ethical issues with the idea of doing that to a living being, so someone else will have to do it,” Zoe explained. “I’ve had to kill a rat that decided to bite Aeon when we were little, I don’t have any problems killing a giant frog monster,” Jessica replied. “And I’ve seen videos of Chat Noire on the Ladyblog, so I know how her powers work. I’ll talk to her. Jessica out!” She got back on her skateboard and skated away. “In the meantime, Marinette, we want you to have this,” Chloe said as the twins removed the Goat Miraculous. “Marinette, this is the Goat Miraculous, housing Ziggy the Goat Kwami of Passion. She has the power of Genesis, which transforms objects into whatever you want them to be. You say ‘Summit’ to transform and ‘Descend’ to detransform. Do you have enough passion left in you to finish the fight?” “After that hug you and Jess gave me I think I might,” Marinette said as she put the clips in her hair, which transformed into bow-shaped clips. Ziggy flew out of the right clip and took a dried strawberry from Zoe, then gave the rest to Marinette. “Huh?” “I can tell that you didn’t eat this morning,” Ziggy said firmly. “You need your strength.” Marinette smiled a wobbly smile and ate the rest of the dried strawberries. “Now, transform with me Marinette!” “SUMMIT!” Marinette transformed. Her costume was mostly gray shaggy fur with a black stripe running down her back, a strip of fluff for her tail. Her eyes had turned yellow with a gray bandanna similar to the twins’ over them, curved horns lying flat on her head with a red mohawk hanging in the middle of her forehead and a brass bell on a choker around her neck. Her gloves and boots were identical to the twins’. “The Jining Jumper is on the case!” she declared. “And I know exactly what to make from my pen!” She jumped away like a goat. “Wait…did she say that Motherbug is her mom? But Motherbug said that she’s Ladybug’s mom,” Zoe realized. “Does Marinette have a sister we don’t know about?” “Wait, no, in that alternate timeline we heard Tikki inside Marinette’s room,” Chloe remembered. “Which means that Marinette is Ladybug…and I’ve flirted with her.” She went bright red. “And why am I okay with that?” “Uh, because Marinette’s adorable?” Zoe scoffed. “Anyway, let’s go to Fu and Bun so we don’t get eaten by Feast.” Chloe nodded and they shuffled away.“Thanks for the help, officers!” Chat saluted as she led civilians away from the scene of the fight. Roger saluted back. “Okay, okay, that’s almost everyone gone, time to give the ring to Fu and–” “Chat Noire!” Jessica rolled up. “Change of plans, I’m gonna use the ring!” “Alright, if you say so. Just…don’t look at me when I’m untransformed, I don’t look like me.” “Uh…okay then. There’s a bush over there you could hide in.”
“Take me there!”
Motherbug wiped her brow with her upper right hand, the wounds in Feast’s tongue having shrunken it to its original height. “I don’t think I have much time left until I detransform,” she frowned. “Should I give the Cure?” “You might as well, it’ll fix the Louvre at least,” Galopain replied as she got into a stance. “And I don’t want you undoing what I’m going to do to Feast.” Motherbug nodded. “Miraculous Ladybug!” The Cure repaired the hole in the Louvre, restored the destroyed artifacts, and fixed the street. The people Feast ate were not freed, however. “Hawk Moth, get clear! And don’t even think about stealing my Miraculous!” she ordered as she ran away to detransform. Hawk Moth sliced a line into Feast’s tongue again. “Sorry, frog, but it’s a little-known fact that your tongues aren’t long and ballista-like like that of a chameleon!” he taunted as he flew too far away for Feast to reach him. “Galopain, now! Aim for the cut!” “Uproar!” Galopain lobbed a grenade into Feast’s mouth, yellow powder settling into the cut. Feast roared and lashed its tongue out, missing Galopain but getting a civilian who’d wandered too close to it. Feast did not get bigger, but the cut in its tongue did slowly heal. “Crap, I didn’t get its healing power! At least it won’t get bigger anymore.” “Small problem, though!” Hawk Moth retorted as he sliced into its tongue again, the blood loss making it shrink. “The smaller it gets the faster it will get!” Indeed, Feast found itself much more mobile now that it was smaller, and it got ready to pounce on its assailants. “Then we just have to make it shrink faster than it can move!” Galopain and Hawk Moth gaped as Jining Jumper, well, jumped into the scene. “Genesis!” The pen-dagger in her hand shifted and changed until it had turned into a gray-and-black pesticide sprayer. She aimed it at Feast’s mouth and sprayed a dense, molasses-brown syrup into its gullet, not letting up until the sprayer’s barrel was empty. Feast bellowed at them, and then it gagged. And gagged. And gagged until it spat up the civilian it just ate. “That brown stuff wouldn’t happen to be ipecac, would it?” Galopain asked. “It sure is! I figured that if this monster gets bigger when it eats it should get smaller when it barfs,” Jining replied as Feast continued puking up its stomach contents. “I wasn’t expecting it to work that well, though…” “Ipecac is poisonous, why do you think the Americans stopped making it six years ago?” Hawk Moth asked as he touched down. He heard someone walking their way and paled when he saw it was Sabine. “Uh-oh.” “Galopain, lend me your bang,” Sabine growled. Galopain did so, and the girls watched wordlessly as Sabine whacked Hawk Moth in the nuts with it. “That was for akumatizing my daughter you fucking jerk.” “I deserved that,” Hawk Moth grimaced while clutching his groin in pain. “Wait, what about the sentimonster?” They turned around and gasped at the large crowd of people, including several 19th-century Bhutanese villagers and some rubble, blinking in surprise. And at the foot of them all was a disoriented Feast, no bigger than a cat, stumbling towards the heroes. It could smell the fresh magic on them, and although it was unable to grow its stomach could still hold the infinite. Tiny mind made up, it hopped their way and jumped while opening its mouth, aiming for Jining’s head– “ME-YOW, BITCH!” A black-and-white blur tackled Feast to the ground. She was tan-skinned and had a similar outfit to Chat’s, only her gloves, boots, tailtip, and a stripe up her midline were stark white. She had tan skin and burgundy hair in twin braids, and her hands were full of black energy that she pressed into Feast’s skin while her tail twitched. “Cataclysm. May your eternal hunger finally end.” Feast dissolved into ash that blew away in the winter wind. The girl stood up fully. “Tuxedo Girl reporting for duty,” she saluted. “And now that the monster’s dead it’s time we squashed a certain bug.” “Not today, child,” Hawk Moth replied as he called over the ghostly akuma. “Not today. You’ll get another chance, but it won’t be today. Ta-ta!” The ghostly akuma put its proboscis on his forehead and drank him up like a cartoon, teleporting him far away, before exploding in a puff of purple glitter. “Uh…what the fuck?” Tuxedo asked, nonplussed. “Don’t look at me, I didn’t know he could do that,” Galopain replied. Her headband beeped the three-minute warning. “Shit! I gotta go! See you later, Catgirl!” She ran away to detransform. “Come, Goat Heroine. I would like to speak with you,” Sabine said, producing a croissant from her purse. Jining’s stomach growled loudly and she sheepishly let her mother lead her away. “Uh…I’d better get the ring back to Chat Noire in her bush,” Tuxedo said at last. “Tuxedo Girl AWAY!” She leapt away. Fu, Alix, and the Bourgeois twins finally arrived at the scene. “I’m so sorry, Master Fu! I couldn’t find a spell in time!” Alix cried. “It’s alright, Alix. We did at least see how Marinette got akumatized.” Fu huffed. “I’ve been an idiot, why didn’t I try to address this earlier? But on the plus side the others managed well without us, and Feast has been slain at long last.” “Wang?” His gaze snapped up as a small old woman with big green eyes walked his way. “Wang, it’s you, I…what on Earth are you wearing? Where on earth am I? Why is that girl’s hair pink? And why are those other two girls stuck together?” “Hawaiian shirt, Paris, dye, and their mom decided to wait until she was forty-five to have children,” Alix rattled off before it hit her. “Wait…are you Marianne Lenoir?” “I am,” she said. “Wang…I missed you so much. When I was in Feast’s stomach it was like I was in an eternal dream that I couldn’t escape.” “I’m glad you lived, Marianne,” Fu said as he hugged his wife. He started crying. “I missed you so much.” They stayed like that for a while before Marianne pulled away. “The girl said this place is Paris? But it looks nothing like it.” “It’s 2016, ma’am,” Chloe said. “Chloe Bourgeois, Zoe and I are the mayor’s daughters. Mr. Fu’s the last of the Miracle Guardians, the British destroyed the rest in 1904.” “Not anymore. Now there are two,” Marianne said firmly. “Perhaps more if these villagers wish to stay in France. Well, enough talk. Let’s go home, we’re all exhausted.” “I’ll get you a cab, Alix and us have to go back to school,” Zoe said. “It was nice meeting you Master Lenoir!” Marianne smiled. “And it was nice meeting you, Apprentices Chloe and Zoe.” She bowed and the twins bowed back.The door to Ms. Bustier’s classroom opened and Marinette, rehydrated, fed, and the Ladybug Miraculous back on her ears with her headband restored by the Cure, entered. Alya and Nino glomped her. “Don’t make us that scared ever again!” Alya cried. “We were so scared, dudette!” Nino sobbed. “We thought you were gonna kill yourself!” “I’m so sorry I made you that worried,” Marinette sniffled. “And Lila? I’m sorry I caused all this mess in the first place.” “It’s okay, Marinette, I’ve already forgiven you,” Lila said as she joined the embrace. “But have you forgiven yourself yet, though?” “N-not entirely, no, not yet. But I start akuma therapy next week, that should help me figure out what to say to myself.” “Why next week?” Ivan questioned. “Because Mr. Damocles just told me that the school is closing for the rest of the week due to how stressful today’s akuma incident was,” Ms. Bustier announced. “Are you going to be okay, Marinette?” “I should be asking you that,” Marinette laughed bitterly. “I heard what Panic could do to people…” “And you’re not the one at fault for that,” Mylene said as she marched over and joined the group hug. “Take it from me, the person who used your fears to turn you was Hawk Moth and Hawk Moth alone. You didn’t want to hurt people today, so the only monster I can think of is that moth-winged shitstain.” Marinette sniffled and let Mylene hug her, then the rest of the class joined in. Including, surprisingly, their very newest member. “Kagami?” Adrien asked. “You’re hugging her too?” “But of course,” Kagami, latched onto the outside of the group hug, replied. “I know what it’s like to hate yourself for being atypical.” She exhaled shakily. “Everyone…I’m autistic. I understand what Marinette-chan may think of herself because there have been times when I’ve felt the same about myself. But if you don’t face your fears nor fight them then you’ll never grow, and it’s better to face your fears now when growing up is easier. So, Marinette-chan…are you willing to face your fears?” “You can’t see me but I’m nodding,” Marinette replied. “Excellent. I’d like to be your friend too, Marinette-chan. I haven’t had too many.” “I’d like that, ‘gami.” Ms. Bustier smiled as Kagami leaned into the group hug just a little bit harder.Andre stood at a podium. “Today was probably the worst incident involving Hawk Moth on record,” he said. “Yesterday, Hawk Moth akumatized a child because her classmates weren’t sure that she was telling the truth, and she feared this meant that they hated her. One such classmate feared that accidentally causing the akumatization meant that she was a bad person deserving of nothing but scorn, and that indirectly led to her own akumatization. In this form she could make people see their absolute worst-case scenarios, the deepest and darkest fears even they may not wish to acknowledge. And this led directly to an even greater incident.” He exhaled. “A group of people saw visions of evil magicians, for they fear magic. For they don’t understand magic. So when presented with something they perceived was magical they wished to destroy it. A dangerous conclusion for anyone to reach; what if that magical thing was a person? Would they have taken a life just so they wouldn’t be forced to learn about the thing that they feared, which might force them to swallow their pride and admit they made a mistake? “In their haste to destroy the magical thing, which was the statue unveiled this morning, they wound up awakening it. For it was no statue but a petrified sentimonster, a creation of the long-lost Peafowl Miraculous gone rogue. Its only desire was to eat, and eat it did; in fact, it caused so much mayhem that Hawk Moth himself decided to do the right thing and help the Heroes of Paris slay it. I am pleased to say that thanks to the heroes, and, well, I guess I must thank Hawk Moth as well, the sentimonster has been slain, and all the people it ate today and long ago in 1881 have been freed. The government of Bhutan has offered to help the people eaten in 1881 return home and adjust to this strange new world they now find themselves inside. For the rest, call the number at the bottom of the screen and talk to the person on the other end; the Magic-Induced Trauma Counselling Hotline is officially available for public use. “But how do we prevent another such act of terror? By understanding and studying magic, Earthen and Miraculous alike, so we can regulate and monitor it just as we would any weapon, drug, or food. I know they may not be the magic you were taught existed in the books your parents read you, but these are two kinds of magic that everyone agrees can be seen and felt. If we don’t try to understand them and instead decide we should kill those who do just because we’re afraid, then we’ll never learn if magic can be used to help more than it can bring harm. The world has already made this mistake several times, yet magic endures all the same, and without anyone to control it it remains free to cause trouble. So join me, Paris. Join me in studying magic so today never happens tomorrow.” Felix frowned at the TV. “Mother? I thought Uncle Gabriel had the Peafowl.” “He didn’t make that faceless toad, Felix,” Amelie replied. “Why would he? He loves Paris just like we love London. Besides, that monster was made in 1881, years before the Miracle Guardians fell.” “I see.” He returned his gaze to the TV and started thinking.“Why on Earth are we here?” Barbara, accompanied by her family, asked in Fu’s parlor. Also in attendance were Sabrina’s parents, Marinette’s parents, Alya, and Nino. “Because I wanted honesty.” Ladybug exhaled. “Lila, this all started because of things on your end that I thought were lies…and a few real ones on my side because I didn’t want to get targeted.” “Targeted?” Nino questioned. “You?” Lila questioned. “Everyone, it’s time. Time we let our friends know who we really are. No more secrets. Bunnyx, Galopain, you go first, I need to prepare myself a little.” The other girls nodded. “Curtains.” “Counterclockwise.” They detransformed. “Whoa!” Lila exclaimed. “My new classmates are superheroes!” “Wait, was the watch Jalil found on your birthday the Rabbit Miraculous?” Alya asked. “Yep! It was a whole weird thing,” Alix shrugged. “The twins know already, they’ve actually been trying the Miraculous out for a while to see if any of the Kwamis want to choose them,” Sabrina explained. “That’s actually how Xuppu and I met.” “Hiya!” Xuppu waved. “I’m a god!” “So am I!” Fluff agreed, waving too. “I have so many questions,” Aeon said, jaw slack. “Can I use this for a new comic?” Olympia asked. Barbara chuckled at her wife’s antics. “Sorry, ma’am, my friend Marc already beat you to it,” Nino said. “Oh, I see. Would I be able to read it? I’d love to help another writer get off the ground.” “Sure! I’ll ask him and Nath, that’s his illustrator, if they wanna talk to you. Ladybug?” Ladybug exhaled. “The truth is…I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to get harassed or beaten up by a stranger, or for them to do the same to you. But you’re my friends. I was chosen because I need to build a support network…and it’s about time that I started. Tikki, Spots off.” She detransformed. “So…yeah,” Marinette said, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly. “I’ve been Ladybug the whole time.” Alya walked over and hugged her. “You’re amazing,” she said. “I’ve always known it since we first met, but this just confirms it.” “Yeah, I…looking back, you were right to say I shouldn’t just, y’know, say I own a magic book out loud,” Lila said guiltily. “Hawk Moth could’ve stolen it, or those idiots who woke Feast up could’ve killed me or my moms. So I decided to bring it here so no one else can have it.” She reached into her backpack and produced an old leather book. “Here, Master Fu.” He took it and opened it. “I say…I don’t recognize these spells,” he frowned. “But you know everything,” Roger said, confused. “You’re a master, aren’t you?” “Yes, but there were several ranks higher than that in the Miracle Guardians. A grandmaster, senior grandmaster, and an enlightened one especially would outrank me.” “‘Enlightened one’?” Fabienne asked. “One so in sync with their Kwami they can use their power repeatedly without detransforming. Very few people ever make it that far, even I haven’t.” “Wang, sweetie, may I see that?” Marianne asked. Fu handed her the book and she recognized it on sight. “This was why I was sent to our village that day! One of the senior grandmasters misplaced a draft of a grimoire and I was tasked with retrieving it since they were too busy to get it themselves. That’s when I was ambushed by Prince Tobgay and Feast…perhaps he stole that draft when Senior Grandmaster Liao visited his parents to create a reason to send me out.” “Likely so,” Fu agreed. “What does it speak of?” “An experimental way of combining Earth magic with translations of the spells for Genesis and Sublimation, effectively serving as a way to temporarily transform Kwamis to grant extra powers. Only the senior grandmasters and enlightened ones were to know about it to prevent it from falling into the hands of the inexperienced.” “Meaning they just wanted to lord it over their subordinates,” Tom guessed cynically. “Probably,” Fu agreed. “How many new powers are in there?” Nino asked, curious. “Also, Marinette, you look great with blue hair.” “Thanks,” Marinette said bashfully. “How come Chloe and Zoe aren’t–” “You accidentally mentioned that Motherbug was your actual mom,” Zoe said. “Me and my big mouth.” Zoe giggled at Marinette’s indignant pout, then her expression changed. “Wait, shit, so whenever you made your blood-bombs…were you basically cutting?!” “No, they’re made from Kwami magic and congealed stamina rather than actual blood, so it was less anemia and more cramps that I thought were anemia,” Marinette explained sheepishly. “Tikki still chewed me out for being so reckless with making them that I made myself sick, though, so I’m going to be more careful with how I make them from now on. Uh…do you mind that it’s me?” “No way, girl,” Jessica said. “Actually, I kinda figured you were Ladybug already, you fly like a Cherubot main.” “Oh you’re right, she does,” Lila nodded. “No, we don’t mind. But Tikki’s right, you need to take better care of yourself. And that means telling people when you’re not okay.” “Chloe and Zoe already told me that much,” Marinette replied. “I guess I understand why, they have to be honest with each other since they share a bloodstream.” “Why do you think I’m such a blunt-ass bitch most of the time?” Chloe said bluntly. “And today I needed one to set me straight. Thanks, Chloe. You too, Zoe, you were also a big help. You were right, as long as I never act like my alternate self I can’t possibly be a monster.” “Alternate self?” Sabine questioned. “The day the twins found my Miraculous and Alix got turned, the girls stumbled through an alternate reality,” Fluff recalled. “That Chat Noire was a boy and kind of a jerk, and that Marinette was a stalker obsessed with Adrien.” “That alternate Sabine must not be as attentive as she ought to be,” Sabine frowned. “Say, Chat Noire? You’ve been awfully quiet this entire time,” Barbara said. “I admit, it’s quite a lot to take in, knowing that my daughter is friends with a real superhero, but–” “N-no, Ms. Keynes. I-it’s not that,” Chat said while wringing her tail. “I-It’s just this whole identity reveal. I-I wanna, but I dunno if you’ll be okay with how different I look.” “Dude, Marinette grew extra arms and WINGS, how different can you be from your civvie form?!” Alix scoffed. “O-okay…Claws in.” Chat became Adrien. “H-hi,” he squeaked. “S’up,” Plagg said nonchalantly as he floated over to the girls. “I’m a cat.” “AWWWWWW!” Lila, Olympia, and Aeon cooed. “Humans.” Tikki giggled and patted Plagg’s head. “Adrien…you’re Chat Noire! Dude! My bro’s a superhero!” Nino exclaimed as he hugged Adrien. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone unless you wanna, but that’s awesome! Does this mean you have to share your stinky cheese with your Kwami?” “Yes, I do,” Adrien laughed. “You don’t…mind that I turn into a girl when I transform?” “Not at all, bro! Sis! Whatever! You’re awesome however you are!” “He’s right, Adrien,” Tom said warmly. “We’re not going to judge that. Right?” “Right,” the other parents nodded in assent. “Yeah, you’re amazing!” Alya agreed. “Two of my best friends are superheroes! And now I can fulfill my dream of helping the superheroes destress after fights!” Marinette chuckled. “Thanks, Alya. And Adrien? I’m glad that you’re the one who’s Chat Noire. I’m uh, I’m sorry if my alternate self being a creep freaks you out.” “No, I’m just glad you’re taking this well. And that’s not the you I know, or will ever meet.” Adrien hugged her. “Thank you for accepting me.” “Thank you for accepting me back.” For the second time that day there was a group hug as the kids all huddled together. “Aeon?” Fu asked once the hug broke. “Did you find out where Hawk Moth is?” “No, unfortunately. But I did manage to figure out how to tag the light from that ghost akuma thing,” Aeon replied as she handed him a flashdrive. “The next time he makes one of those, track it.” “I’m glad you called for our help, Ms. Hill,” Roger said as he tipped his cap to Olympia. “It was no problem at all,” the blonde replied. “I’m a mother, I’d do anything to protect my kids just like you would.” “Everyone!” Everyone turned to look at Marianne. “I’ve finished translating the book! To answer your question, Apprentice Nino, this grimoire documents the development of seven specific potions with different colors and effects. The green potion lets you breathe & travel underwater, the blue one lets you survive blistering cold & travel on ice, the purple one lets you survive & travel through outer space, the red one allows you to survive volcanic temperatures & fire, the yellow one lets you survive being hit by lightning, the orange one lets you withstand any sort of poison, and the pink one grants healing powers.” “Excellent!” Fu beamed. “With these powers at our command we can make great strides in finding out where Hawk Moth is hiding and defeating his villains faster than ever before! Thank you all for your help today. Parents, I’ve prepared some literature to help your children train. Ms. Hill, Ms. Keynes, I’d be interested in tutoring your daughters in the ways of the Miracle Guardians as well as Ms. Rossi.” “I’d love to be a superhero!" Lila gushed. “Me too!” Jessica agreed. Then she noticed Aeon’s nervous expression. “Shit, Aeon, I’m so sorry! You don’t have to have a Miraculous if you’re not comfortable with the idea of transforming!” “Don’t worry, Apprentice Jessica, not everyone in the Guardians used Miraculous,” Marianne replied. “I originally worked as a magician specializing in Earthen magic, and if we’re going to make sure these potions don’t have any horrible side effects we’ll need new magicians to develop and test them.” “I’d be honored to be your apprentice, Master Lenoir,” Aeon said, relieved. “And I’m better at chemistry than fighting stuff, so this works out great for me.” “Good,” Barbara smiled. “I’m glad this all worked out in the end. We’ll set up something long-distance, and after that I’m going to make sure my girls have a good winter break before we have to go back overseas. It was nice to meet you again, Lila, I just wish it was in better circumstances.” “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kidnap your daughter again,” Lila laughed. “Crap, look at the time!” Adrien panicked when he looked at his watch. “I gotta go!” “Come with us, we’ll cover for you,” Chloe said. Adrien smiled and let them lead him away. “After all, us superheroes gotta stick together.” “Especially us conjoined twin superheroes,” Zoe giggled. “Goodbye everyone! We’ll see you sometime later!” “Bye!” the others waved.“Mr. Agreste! We brought Adrien home!” Chloe called. Gabriel limped into the foyer. “Whoa, what happened to you?” “I fell in an awkward way while trying to hide from the villain,” Gabriel groaned. “Are you and Adrien alright?” “We’re fine, Father. We’re going to my room to study.” He nodded and let them go. Once inside his room, Zoe exhaled. “So, Adrien…you’re Chat Noire. Gotta say, you make for one really cute catgirl. I mean, the little black pawprints on your cheeks? Sho kyoot!”
Adrien laughed bashfully while blushing. “Th-thanks.” He coughed. “So! What are we gonna do during this week that we have off?” “No idea. But if your dad decides to cancel stuff on your schedule we could help you cross-dress again.” “Father did say he didn’t care if I did that,” he admitted. “Wow, cool,” Chloe said. “You know what, though? We should try to get Kagami involved with something. I like her, she’s a plain-speaking girl who I could see myself being friends with.” “There’s that Friendship Day scavenger hunt thing next week, we could invite her to that,” Zoe suggested. “What’s the prize this year?” “I happen to know what it is,” Adrien smirked before reaching over and booping their noses with both thumbs. “And I’m not telling you. Consider it revenge for surprising me with that Berries in the Wind Season 1 DVD on Christmas.” “Stupid cat,” Chloe muttered while blushing, Zoe’s face as pink as her bangs. Adrien laughed at their expressions while blushing a little himself.Elsewhere, Marinette, curled up in a blanket on Lila’s couch, sighed sleepily as Polpetta kneaded her stomach while Lila tenderly stroked her forehead. Behind them, Isabella, along with Lila’s brown-haired stepmother Serena and her black-haired godmother Leonora, watched them, relieved that their daughter’s friendship with the black-haired baker girl was finally officially mended.