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Don’t ask Sam how he ended up here. He had no idea. Something Stark related; which obviously roped Sam and Bucky into a mess they had no say in. So here they were, in the dining room of Sam and Bucky’s Louisiana house. Except Sam and Bucky didn’t have a house in Louisiana. This home belonged to another Sam and Bucky, who had a family together, were older, happily married (and had been together for even longer), and invited Sam and Bucky to stay until Stark fixed whatever mess he had created. So that’s why there were two Sams, two Buckys, and two kids at the dining room table. The four Avengers had already confirmed that this other universe was its own separate timeline. There were many differences in their past and present, and impossibilities that would never happen in their own universe. One of those being kids. Now, don’t get Sam wrong, he loved kids. He had two beautiful nephews whom he loved dearly, as did Bucky. It had taken Bucky a while, and lots of practice, to trust himself around Sam’s nephews. His nephews. And while Bucky had joked about having kids of their own one day (not directly mentioning it would be with Sam but he hoped his partner got the hint), he still didn’t trust himself with kids of his own until he knew for sure that he would never be a harm to them. Even though he and Sam had made so much progress (really, he had come so far, and Sam was so proud of him), Bucky just didn’t think he would be the father a child deserved. Being an uncle could never prepare you to be a father. And Sam? He was scared. “Other Papa, will you come to my dance recital this weekend?” Other Thems’ daughter, Stella, looked up at Bucky with big blue eyes that melted the old man’s heart. Her brother, Riley, elbowed her from beside her place at the table, “Our dance recital.” His sister rolled her eyes before the two both pouted and looked at Bucky and Sam. Riley and Stella were Other Thems’ adopted son and daughter. They were both orphaned as infants, on two separate missions, and Other Bucky and Other Sam found themselves attached to the two from the moment they had found them. Riley was twelve, originally from New York, and was orphaned during The Battle for New York thanks to Loki’s invasion of Chitari.
“This building’s about to collapse on top of us, let's get out of here, Sam-”
“No, wait- There’s a kid , Buck! He’s just a baby-”
“What the hell- Then get him, Wilson!”
“...”
“Wilson? Sam?!”
“So I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“I’m going to kill you, Sam.”
“Look, I’ve got the kid, that's the important thing. Now come get us-”
“You will be the death of me. God, you’re lucky I love you, Wilson.”
Stella was nine years old, originally from Sokovia, and was orphaned thanks to Ultron’s invasion of clones.
“Sam, she’s hurt- Fuck, her parents might’ve left her behind. She’s just an infant, Sam!”
“I’m on my way, Buck, but we’ve gotta get off this falling city, man.”
“Not until we search every foot of this place for her parents, Sam.”
“Bucky-”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Fine, we’ll stay on a falling city as it becomes an asteroid.”
“You wouldn’t expect anything less from me.”
“I can hear that smug grin of yours. You’re lucky I love you, Barnes.”
Sam and Bucky’s hearts broke when Other Thems told them the story of how they found the two as infants. But then Sam felt his heart twist. He was so happy for Other Sam and Other Bucky. He was happy for the found family they had created, the kids they had together, the somewhat normal life they had together. But there was a sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t want this for himself.
Why didn’t he want this? What was wrong with him?
The whole night had gone by like a blur. One moment, Sam was at the table eating his Mom’s shepherd's pie which he hadn’t had in so long. Sarah was the only good cook between the two of them, but at least Sam had Bucky to cook. His food was always home for Sam. The next moment, Sam was leaning over a couch and watching his Bucky try to play Mario Kart with the kids as Other Thems watched with fond smiles, probably savouring some quiet time together. And then Sam was in the guest bed, sitting against the bed frame as he watched Bucky take his belt off, wondering how he had gotten there. “Those kids are something, right?” Sam snapped out of whatever fog he was in and looked up at his partner. “What?” Bucky chuckled, placing his folded jeans on the dresser. When had he taken them off? “I said- Are you okay, Sam?” He sat on the edge of the bed beside him. Bucky was looking at him, his bottom lip doing that gnawing thing it did whenever he was worried about Sam. Sam sighed, letting his head hit the wall behind him. “Being here. It just got me thinking.” He saw Bucky give him a look that said ‘go on’ but also ‘take your time.’
What did he do to deserve this man?
“I like this.” At Bucky’s head tilt, he continued, “This place. This home. This family.” He saw Bucky smile warmly, grabbing his hand and squeezing. “I like it, too.” Sam felt his stomach drop. He couldn’t do this to Bucky, he deserved so much better. “I can’t do this.” Bucky’s world froze. His heart felt like breaking. What was Sam saying? What was he meaning? Did he want to break up? He pulled his hands away from Bucky’s, “I-I don’t want this-” He gestured around to the room, hands clenching and unclenching, trying to avoid grasping at his hair. “I know I’m meant to be the ‘family man’ but, but I- I don’t think I want this , Buck.” Sam grit his teeth, a habit he had forced out of Bucky and yet here he was, doing it himself. He looked down at his hands. “I can’t be this for you. You deserve better.” Buck was silent for a while, in his thoughts as he put together the pieces Sam had sporadically thrown around. Sam thought he didn’t deserve Bucky? He thought Bucky deserved better than Sam? But Sam was his everything. Sam was all he needed. Bucky didn’t need anything else in his life, as long as he had Sam. But did Sam know that? Did he think Bucky wanted more? “Sam.” He sighed, grabbing Sam’s hands again. “Sam, please look at me.” He saw those brown eyes that he loved to get lost in. “I love you.” Sam turned away before Bucky’s human hand turned him back to face him, hand on his cheek as he smiled. “You’re an idiot, Sam Wilson.” Sam scoffed, shaking his head as he chuckled despite himself. “I hate you.” “No, you don’t,” Bucky smiled. His thumb stroked Sam’s cheek as he gazed into his eyes before reminding himself of what he was trying to say. He asked softly, “Do you not want kids, Sam?” Sam clenched his eyes shut, letting himself fall into Bucky’s arms, his head leaning on his partner’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Buck. I know you wanted kids in the future, but I just don’t want that for myself. I love my nephews, God, I love them, but that’s enough for me. That’s all I want. I don’t want kids of my own, Buck.” Sam’s eyes watered, his voice breaking before hiding his face in Bucky’s neck. Bucky had a hand behind Sam’s head, stroking a thumb through the man’s hair. It reminded him that Sam hadn’t cut it for a bit. “Sam.” He pressed a kiss to his partner’s head. “We don’t need kids. We just need each other, right?”
“Wanna go for a run?”
Bucky looked up from the corner of the room he was glaring at, his mid-length oily hair falling into his face. He didn’t push it away, answering lowly, “Sure.”
They didn’t talk much, especially when Steve was there. But he liked talking with Sam, something about him just felt like he could spill all his secrets to the man and he would never leave him.
Sam would never abandon him, that much he could tell.
Sam never pushed Bucky until he was ready. He wasn’t Steve, he was nothing like Steve, and he loved him.
He loved Sam Wilson.
Sam looked up at Bucky, internally cursing at himself for having created such a fuss over nothing. “I love you, Sam Wilson.” Bucky pressed a soft kiss to Sam’s forehead before pressing them together, gazing down at his beautiful partner. “You’re all I need. And those nephews of ours, they’re perfect. We don’t need anything more when we have each other.”
Ours.
Sam huffed, smiling before pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. “You’re right. I’m sorry I overreacted over nothing-” “Ah,” Bucky gave him a stern look. “None of that. I’m supposed to be the emotionally unstable one out of us, Wilson. You trying to replace me?” He smirked as Sam rolled his eyes fondly.
“So,” Bucky started. “Since we won’t have any kids… Can we get a cat?” The former super soldier pouted, eyes begging. Sam grinned, “How about two?” The couple smiled lovingly at each other, sharing a small kiss before letting a comfortable silence take over them. “I'm going to kill Stark.”