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When Bruce met Vance, he was eighteen, it was the beginning of summer and Bruce had just left his part time job. He was in a pair of jeans and a polo, walking to the bus stop. Then a blond kid his age shoulder-checked him as he went by. Bruce wound up staring at him, wondering who in the hell did that.Then he kept staring, because that guy was beautiful. He was in a pair of shorts and a cropped shirt. He was about Bruce’s height, with blonde hair. When he turned around, Bruce saw angry, clear blue eyes.Vance must have seen him staring, because he glared at Bruce. “What? You’re gonna do something about it?”“I guess not,” Bruce said. “But why did you do it? I don’t know you.”“Well, I don’t fuckin’ know you either. I’m pissed and I need to get out of here.” Then he turned away.“Why don’t you come to the movies with me.”The blonde guy turned back around. “Huh?”“Whatever you’re running from, they won’t look in the theater. I was gonna take the bus but the theater isn’t far. Want to see a movie with me?”The other boy was looking completely confused, but he nodded. Bruce turned and started walking in the direction Vance had been going. “I’m Bruce.”“Vance. I don’t have any money to pay for a movie.”“And I haven’t cashed my paycheck. So I guess we’re gonna have to sneak in, huh?”That got Vance to laugh, just a little. “Who the fuck are you...yeah, let’s do that.”They walked fast towards the old theater downtown.…Bruce was eighteen when he showed up in LA with about two hundred dollars and hardly anything else. The first thing he did was get a motel, then he looked for a job in a restaurant. He washed dishes for three days until the owner realized that Bruce was good looking and not lazy, so he promoted him to waiter. When he felt settled, he started looking for an agent.He couldn’t find one. They all said the same thing. “There’s not much work for Asian actors, you won’t get anything except background roles.”The third time he heard that, he looked at the agent. “Hey. How about I just try out for any role I can and not worry what race they’re looking for? Let’s just see what happens.”The agent looked at him, and huffed a laugh. “You’ve got balls, kid. Sure, why don’t we try that. I’ll sign you on, temporarily. Let’s try it for a few months and if not, try something else. I like you.”Bruce grinned, read the contract, then signed and shook his agent’s hand. Being charming was always one of his strong suits.The ‘try out for everything’ approach didn’t work at first. He got dismissed a lot. One time he got yelled at by a prick of a director who seemed to think Bruce was personally responsible for his experience in Vietnam. But then, he got a role in a slasher movie. He wasn’t the star, but he was a main character. Then he got another one for the same independent studio.Then, he got a starring role in a teen comedy, and it was huge. Overnight, everyone knew his name. Bruce felt like he should be pinching himself every minute. It had worked, he had gotten what he wanted.Well, most of what he wanted. Now he had to protect himself and worry about rumors.…After their little illegal trip to the movies, Bruce started to seek Vance out. He was usually either playing pinball or getting into fights. So Bruce would wait around until Vance felt like hanging out with him.It was only two weeks into knowing Vance that it got physical. Vance had borrowed (or ‘borrowed’) his uncle’s car, and they went to the drive-in. Thirty minutes into a dull martial arts Bruce Lee-ripoff movie, Bruce felt Vance rubbing his thigh, close on the inside.Bruce took a deep breath, then looked over. Vance was looking straight ahead, like he didn’t know what he was doing. Bruce pushed his legs a little further apart. Vance’s gaze flickered over to Bruce’s lap, then he moved his hand over, rubbing Bruce through his jeans.Bruce didn’t know what to do. He knew he should pretend he hated it and leave. But, he didn’t. And while he had managed to never get any sexuality rumors attached to him, Vance had. Bruce didn’t want to pretend he hated it.“Can we get in the back seat?” Bruce whispered. Vance shook his head. “Why not?”“Because people can see us through the windows if we do. Just look straight ahead like you’re watching the movie.”Bruce licked his lips and stared ahead. He watched an okay fight scene while Vance unbuttoned and unzipped his fly without looking over.“Don’t react,” Vance said as he slowly jerked him off. “Don’t moan, don’t look at me. Stay still and we can get away with this.” Bruce didn’t dare speak, so he just nodded. They were pretty far in the back, so they might be unnoticed.Vance’s hand was greasy from the popcorn he had earlier, and that was somehow so insane it just made the entire thing hotter. He did as he was told, and watched the movie with the godawful dubbing and didn’t look at Vance.When Bruce came, he bit down on his lip so hard he thought he’d split it. Vance just looked unbothered and wiped his hand on his jeans. “You okay?” Bruce didn’t answer at first. “Hey. Are you mad?”Bruce looked over at him. “No. That was great. But what about you, do you want anything?” Bruce had never planned to let anyone in his hometown know about him, but it looked like that had changed.Vance started the car. “Let’s go somewhere else. I think I can get out of here without much problem.” Vance carefully drove out, and they were back on the main road. “I’m gonna take you to a place I crash at. If nobody’s there, we can finish what we started.”“Okay.” Bruce waited until they were out of there before he zipped his jeans back up. “Is it close by?”“Sure is. Stay in the car and I’ll go in first, to check if it’s clear.” Then he drove them to the most rundown looking apartment complex Bruce had ever seen. Vance cut the engine and walked around the corner. After a few minutes, he came back. Bruce didn’t’ say anything, just followed him.Vance opened the unlocked door, and Bruce saw a dimly lit studio apartment with mattresses and blankets in the corners. It smelled a little damp, and Bruce wondered if there was mold growing in the walls. “Who lives here?” Bruce wondered if the rent was cheap. He never told anyone, but he wanted to get some independence from his parents.“Couple of guys pay the rent, but I have a cot over here. I pay them grocery money so I can stay when I need to.” Vance took Bruce’s hand, and led him over to a cot on the opposite side of the door. “What do you want to do?”“I don’t know. I’ve never done anything.” He’d kissed girls, even felt a girl in seventh grade up one time. But he’d been too scared to try anything with boys. “I can try going down on you, if you want.”“That sounds good.” Vance took his clothes off, and Bruce followed him. When they were naked, Vance ran a finger through his pubic hair and down the length of his cock. Bruce felt it twitch. Could he get it up again? “You’re pretty fuckin’ hot. Okay, let me lie down.”Vance lay on his back, and he instructed Bruce the whole time as he struggled with giving head the first time. “Look, don’t think about it so much. Just relax your throat and go for it. Okay?”“Okay.” Bruce took a deep breath and tried to relax. It went easier from there, and Bruce realized he liked it. Vance was quiet, except for a few grunts. Bruce had one hand on his dick as he sucked Vance off.“Okay, pull off.” Bruce did, and watched as Vance finished himself off. “Don’t feel bad, you were doing okay. But I thought we should finish soon. I don’t know when Randy and Jim will be back.”“You don’t want them to catch us?” Bruce wondered if Vance was gay. He didn’t know anyone else who was.“Yeah, we all live on top of each other so I don’t want them to see that. You can use the shower if you want. You must need to clean up. And I can drive you home.” Vance seemed very matter of fact, like this wasn’t a big deal.“Can I kiss you?” Bruce had to ask. This might not be anything to Vance, but it was something to him. And he was going to let Vance know it. If he got laughed at, he got laughed at. But he really wanted to know.“Do you want that?” Vance’s cool broke for a second, and he looked surprised. “Okay. Yeah, we can do that.”Bruce grinned. “Great.” He leaned in, and Vance kissed him open-mouthed. It was soft at first, but deepened. Vance put a hand in his hair, and they kissed until Bruce broke it off.“Can we go out again?”Vance stared for a minute. “Sure. I’ll call you later, or we can meet up outside your job. But really, get cleaned up. I know your parents don’t like you out late.”“All right,” Bruce said. He knew he was grinning his face off, but Vance didn’t even make fun of him for it. Then he went to the gross bathroom and cleaned up.…Bruce did really like being famous. He felt like it was good for other Asian people to see him succeed. He liked the money, living in a nice apartment. He was saving for a house. And he loved acting. Being other people on a set was a dream come true.He also worked hard to be as nice and polite as possible. He soon got the reputation as one of the nicest actors working. Most of that was for his own benefit, since it meant he would get more work. But it was also part of his personality.What the fans and People magazine didn’t see, was how lonely and disconnected he was. He would be seen with actresses from time to time, but he didn’t feel like he could date who he wanted. Too much was on the line, he didn’t want rumors if he could help it.So after a glitzy night out, he would come home, and go into his room. He had a big TV, and a huge gay porn collection. He had a little bit of everything, but if he could find any with blonde tops, he was in business.When he was done, he’d take a shower. While he was under the spray, he would think about Vance.He had sent Vance a letter a month after he left. He got it sent back to him, but not return to sender. Instead, Vance had ripped it up and mailed it to him. He never tried sending him mail again.Bruce knew it was his fault, but that didn’t stop it from hurting. He was just so lonely.…After that first time, Bruce and Vance became inseparable. Bruce would be with him every moment he wasn’t at his job or home. And he was trying to be home less and less. He was supposed to be heading for university that fall, but he was avoiding the subject every time his dad brought it up.“I don’t want to go to college,” he told Vance one night when they were at the apartment. He was resting his head on Vance’s stomach, Vance running a hand through his hair.“Why not? I know I’ll never go, but if you got the chance, why wouldn’t you?” But the way Vance said it, he seemed curious and not dismissive. Vance never made fun of him, even though he gave his friends a hard time.Bruce paused. “I want to act. I want to go to LA. I’ve never told anyone this before.”“Yeah?” Vance sat up, and Bruce moved so he was sitting up too. “You’ve got money saved up, don’t you? If you want to, you can just go.”“But my dad might stop talking to me,” he said. “And I probably won’t make it. American movie studios don’t look for someone like me.”“That’s because they haven’t met you yet,” Vance said. He was grinning, fond, and Bruce leaned in to kiss him.The door opened just then and Randy groaned as he came in. “I don’t mind you two being queer, but I wish you wouldn’t kiss in front of me.” Bruce glared at him. He really didn’t like Randy at all.“We weren’t,” Vance said. “You just happened to come in when we were kissing, we didn’t set out to do it in front of you. And you could've seen a lot worse. Or you would have if I wasn’t careful about knowing when you came home.”“Well, that’s true. And thanks for that.” Randy had a bag of groceries with him. “Whose turn is it to cook tonight?” Bruce didn’t say anything, since he wasn’t sure if he was included in that or not. He didn’t live there, he just visited a lot. But maybe he should, as good faith.“I might be able to, let me see what you have.” Bruce got up and went through the bag. “Ground beef, taco mix, shells-looks like taco night. Did you get lettuce?”“I ran out of money, but I did get tomatoes. Thanks Bruce.” Bruce noddle politely and got the only skillet in the place. Nobody had cleaned it after breakfast, so he did. There was some leftover cheese in the fridge with only one or two mold spots, so he cut that off and grated the rest.Jim got home just as the tacos were ready. They all sat on their respective mattresses and had dinner on paper plates. When they were done, Randy got everyone’s plates and threw them away. Jim got out the weed.“For dessert,” Jim said, and they all passed the joint until Bruce was heavy-headed and sleepy. He never smoked much before this, but in Randy and Jim’s house, it was an everyday activity.Bruce slept there that night, taking the extra mattress. He didn’t call his parents to tell them where he was. It didn’t matter anyway.…After the movie about pilots he did became the hit of the summer, the rumors started. Some gay activists had sniffed him out somehow. Bruce had been very careful about who he saw and who he was seen with, but nobody could be perfect.The day after Outweek put him on the cover, Roger told him to come to his office. Bruce sat down. “So, I guess you have an idea on how to handle this? We’re not just going to ignore it this time?”Roger sighed. “Bruce, I love you. Don’t get me wrong. But I think it’s time for you to get married.” Bruce watched with a sense of numb resignation as Roger handed over a file full of pictures of actresses head shots. “Maybe we can find you someone to date with the goal of marriage.”Bruce looked at the pics for a minute. Then he met Roger’s eyes. “I want you to set me up with a lesbian.”Roger looked up, surprised. “Yeah? Why?”“Because I don’t want to lie to her,” Bruce said. “Because this way, I can help someone else, and not just get stuff for myself. If she’s smart and we get along, we might be able to go in on that production company I want. And maybe, she could also be a friend. If we’re going to do this, I don’t want either of us to be miserable. Find me a lesbian.”“That might not be easy, gay women can hide better than men sometimes. But, okay. So she doesn’t have to be an actress I take it?”“Nope. Just someone in the business. I’m willing to do this if we can.” He looked at the photos again. Maybe he was trying too hard to be ethical even about his closet, but he still wanted to help someone if he could.It didn’t take as long as he thought it would. A few weeks later, Roger introduced him to Maddie. She was a tall blonde who was an actress and production assistant. She was cute and had freckles over her nose. Bruce invited her out boating on their first date. It was a beautiful day, and this way they could talk without anyone overhearing them.“I saw what that zine said about you,” Maddie said. “So that’s why I’m here, huh?” Bruce felt a little defensive, until she said, “Don’t worry, I think it’s a good idea. My relationship just fell apart, and I would like someone to hang out with. But I have a question. If we stay together, how do you feel about children?”“Wow, you thought that far ahead?” Bruce laughed. “Maybe. But we need to give it a few years. Also, I might be looking for someone to help with the production company I want to start. Roger tells me you’re pretty smart.”Maddie grinned, and kicked her legs. She had a goofy, fun spirit to her, and Bruce liked it. “So this is business in a couple of different ways. I might be interested. Just show me what you have so far. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We should at least see if we like the same things. Are you really a big Bruce Springsteen fan?”“Yeah. I go see him every chance I get. I like Tom Petty and David Bowie too. Who do you like?” Maddie giggled and told him all about the female musicians she liked, from Bonnie Raitt to Joan Jett. Bruce felt relieved. Maddie was a fun person. Maybe they could make this work.…Bruce got to where he was spending all his free time with Vance. He worked, he checked in with his parents and sister so they wouldn’t get too suspicious. But Vance, in a short period of time, became his world.It was sex, but it was affection and support too. Vance believed in him. And Bruce believed in him too. It went both ways, and Bruce was convinced that it was the first time that either of them had that.They were a good match, Vance and him. Vance would be gentle when they were alone. Attentive, sweet. Not like what he was with other people. It made him feel special, and he hoped that he made Vance feel the same way.Later, it would strike him that the whole affair lasted maybe two months. It was a shooting star, destined to burn out fast. The deepest relationship of his life, and they never even spent Christmas together.…About a year and a half after he met Maddie, they got married in Hawaii. His sister Amy was his best woman, and Maddie’s new lover attended. His parents didn’t attend, because of his dad’s health. That’s what his mom said, anyway.The same month of their marriage, they got the production company off the ground. By now, it was the early nineties, and while Bruce was still getting good roles, he wanted to branch out. They produced a movie where he got to play a romantic lead, which was new.The whole time, he kept busy. He didn’t date, and he took his anxiety medication every night. He started having depressive episodes too, so he went to a therapist. Her name was Nancy, and she was an older woman with a no-nonsense way to her. They always say to be honest in therapy, so he was.She looked at him. “So you think being in the closet effecting your moods?”“Probably,” he said. “But I also think I can’t do too much about it. Not yet.”“I suppose you would know,” she said, but there was some doubt in her voice. “Well, we can talk about it. I’ll try to help you find ways to decrease your stress.”“Thank you,” Bruce said, polite as always.…“Okay, so I fucked up,” Vance started. He had come to Bruce’s parent’s house, and they were in Bruce’s room. He had Hunky Dory by Bowie playing low in the background. “I got in a fight, and the police were called. They found pot on me, and I’m going to have to go to court.”“Jesus,” Bruce said. “How bad do you think it’s going to be?”“I don’t know. I have to be in court in a month or so. Randy bailed me out, and I’m gonna have to pay him back. I got a job in a warehouse for now. I’ll probably only keep it about two weeks though. That’s how long most of my jobs last.”“Please don’t fight anyone at work.” Bruce bridged the gap between them and kissed Vance. Vance immediately put his arms around, holding Bruce almost too tightly. That was Vance though-he would kiss Bruce until his lungs burned, hold him so tight he sometimes had bruises. Vance’s love hurt a little, but Bruce could never get enough of it.When Vance pulled back, he ran a hand down to Bruce’s ass. “You got time?” Vance’s voice was husky, and Bruce shivered.Bruce pulled his shirt over his head. “Yeah. I’m done with work for the day.” At this point, he was close to leaving home for college. He and Vance never really talked about that. Neither one of them wanted to think about Bruce leaving.“Good.” Vance ran his hands up and down Bruce’s chest, and then played with his nipples. “Okay, take everything else off and get on the bed.”“Yes Vance,” Bruce said, and watched as Vance tried not to show how much that turned him on. They found out early on that they complimented each other in bed. Nearly anything Vance wanted to do, Bruce wanted him to do to him. So Bruce got naked and laid on his back, looking up at Vance.Vance ate him up with his eyes, just staring for a minute, before he finally started getting his own clothes off. Bruce watched him too, feeling hungry just from looking. Finally, Vance got on the bed, covering Bruce’s body with his own as they kissed.After making out for a while, Vance turned Bruce on his belly, and got the lotion out of Bruce’s nightstand. “You’re so good for me,” Vance said. “I’ve never been with anyone as good as you.”Bruce grunted. Vance was his first, and he didn’t know who else could compare after him. “I love it,” Bruce answered, as Vance caressed his ass. “I love it so much.”“I know,” Vance said, and Bruce heard the cap of the lotion being flicked open. Vance started fingering him open, and Bruce closed his eyes.Then he heard it: the front door opening, and his dad’s voice. Why didn’t he hear his dad’s car? “Vance,” he whispered. “Vance, get out of here.”“What-shit,” his dad said. He pulled his fingers out of Bruce and got up. Just when his dad opened the door.The next minute seemed like it lasted an hour. They all just froze. Then his dad started to cry.“Dad?” Bruce said. “Dad, don’t cry…” He looked over to see Vance standing in the corner, his jeans in his hand.“Get out,” his dad said. “I’m not paying for your school anymore. You’re on your own. You take the money you earned, maybe you can go to community college with it. But you can’t live here anymore.”“Dad!” But his dad just left the room, slamming the door. “Dad!”“Come on,” Vance said. “Get your clothes on, we can go to the apartment. I know, it’s shit. I’m sorry. But don’t try to argue with him. Maybe you two can talk later. And grab your money.” Then Vance threw Bruce’s clothes at him. They both got dressed, and Bruce took the box with all the money he’d saved from summer jobs over the years. They left out of the window, and ran down the street. When they got to a pay phone, Vance called Randy, while Bruce cried, leaning against the phone booth.…By the time Bruce was in his forties, he had two kids with Maddie, a successful production company, and more money than he needed. He gave a lot to charities. He paid for Amy’s Master’s degree (their parents had paid for her BA), and he had a nice house.He’d kept his looks too. He discovered martial arts later in life and it kept him sleekly muscled. He was still in demand as an actor. Things were pretty good.One day, Maddie sat him down with a bottle of wine. “Bruce,” she said. “My girlfriend wants me to move in. Would you be okay if we ended this now?”Bruce was surprised, but maybe he should have seen it coming. Maddie’s girlfriend had tolerated him well enough, but it wasn’t like they were friends. And Maddie was his best friend, but she deserved a better life than this.“Okay,” he said. “We can do this quietly, and you can have your rooms here when you want to visit, spend some time with the kids. I guess I’m keeping them?”“Yeah, they should be here because I don’t want to disrupt them too much. They need to go to the same school. Thanks for doing this for me. I liked the marriage, but it’s time for it to end. And it’ll be good for you too, Bruce. You need to find someone for yourself now.”“I don’t even know if I can.” Bruce had been mostly single for decades. He had some brief relationships every now and then, but nothing ever seemed to work. “I’m tired of being in the closet, Maddie.”“I know. Maybe you can do that now, since we’re breaking up. I don’t know if I want to come out or not. But you’ve earned it. Times are different now. A lot of people are coming out.”“I know. I feel like I’m waiting for a sign. Is that dumb?” Maddie laughed and booped his nose.“I’m not surprised, coming from you. But maybe you already have one. You’re friends with Ben and Matt. I know you’re out to them.” That was true. He had a part in Ocean’s Eleven, and the three of them bonded immediately. Ben and Matt’s relationship was...complicated, with their wives and families. But it was also very important to them. They understood him.“Yeah. Let’s get this divorce finished with first. We’ll have to think of what to tell the kids and the press. And you’re staying with the company, right?” Maddie nodded, and took a sip of wine. “Okay. Let’s write down some ideas while we finish off this bottle. And thank you for this. I’m so glad I met you.”“Me too. Let me get a notebook.” Maddie got up and nearly skipped across the room. Bruce smiled, shaking his head. She was always so cute and goofy. He’d miss living with her, but it couldn’t be helped.…Randy had picked him and Vance up from the pay phone, and now Bruce was back in that disgusting department, crying. Vance had an arm around him, and Jim brought him some paper towels to wipe his tears. Bruce figured he liked Jim the best out of the two of them.“You guys didn’t even get any of Bruce’s clothes?” Jim looked concerned. “Do you think maybe we should get the car and go get them?”“Not right now,” Bruce said. “I don’t want to see my dad again tonight. I can’t believe I’m disowned.”“Look,” Randy said, trying to take control of the situation as always. “You got nothing to worry about. I can get you a job at the warehouse with Vance. You might be able to still go to school locally. And if you need any extra money, I can introduce you to someone. You can deal a little on the side.”“Yeah, and you can stay here long as you like,” Jim said. “We like you.”Bruce looked around at all of them, and the thought hit him like a truck.
I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I’m not going to waste my life in a warehouse and living with three other guys in a run down apartment. I’m not going to deal with my dad glaring at me on the street if he sees me. I’m not going to become a loser just because my parents don’t want me anymore. I’m going to go. I’m going to LA. Now.
Bruce stood up. “Hey Vance,” he said. “Let’s go talk outside for a minute.”“Sure.” Vance got up, taking Bruce’s money box with him. Bruce was glad he thought of it. He thought Jim could probably not give in to temptation, but Randy was another story. They went out to the parking lot of the apartment complex. “What is it? You look like you’ve decided on something.”“I have.” Bruce looked Vance in the eye. He had to be straight with him. “I’m going to go. I’m going to move to LA. I have to do it now, or I never will. Please don’t be mad.”Vance stared at him. “You’re leaving. You’re leaving me.” Bruce didn’t know what to say. Vance didn’t say anything, his expression didn’t change, but somehow it looked like all the life had just been drained out of him.“Vance,” Bruce said. “Please. It’s not about you. But I can’t stay here. Nothing good is going to happen if I do.”“Oh, it’s not? I’m not good enough for you? You know what, fucking fine.” Vance shoved the box at him. “Take it. Take your fucking money. You think you’re too good to live the way I do? You can’t put up with it to be with me?”“No, I don’t think I’m better than you. I just. I want more, Vance. And I think I can get it. So I’m really sorry. But I’m going to go. I’m sorry Vance. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”Vance glared at him. Bruce wondered if he would get violent, something he’d never been with him. But Vance just looked at Bruce. “You fucking liar. You’re not sorry at all. Now get out of here. Go stay in the motel near the bus station, I don’t want you to lose your money. But I don’t want to see you again.”Then Vance turned around and went back to the apartment. Bruce could hear the door slam. He stood there for a while, wishing he could take it back. But he couldn’t. He had to do what he had to do. So he took the money out of the box, and stuffed it in his pocket. He threw the box into the first dumpster he saw. It was a nice wooden box, with an inlaid design of cherry blossoms. His mother had gotten it for him. He never wanted to see it again.He walked the two miles to the Greyhound station with his mind blank. He refused to let himself think about anything else other than getting there. When he did, he went to the counter and bought one ticket to LA, leaving tomorrow morning. Then he got a room next door.The motel was bare bones, not much better than Randy’s apartment. There was a couple of vending machines, so he had a can of Coke and a honey bun for dinner.Later, as he laid back on the thin sheets, he realized he lost his family and his boyfriend all at once. Then he started crying again.…Bruce’s divorce went smoothly, and they both agreed to not talk about it much to the press. Since they had been married a fairly long time by Hollywood standards, the split was mostly accepted as just one of those things.Bruce spent some time just involved in work. He produced a thriller for him to play the bad guy in. He really enjoyed it, and the movie made a lot of money.Around that time, his father died. He went home for the funeral, and played the good son. When it was over, he hugged his mom. “Do you want to come live with me?” he said. “You can see your grandkids more.”His mother shook his head. “No thank you. I just...I can’t imagine living anywhere else, I guess.” Bruce nodded. Their town was like that, people got stuck and never left. He kissed her cheek, helped out for a day or two, and then left.He was still looking for his sign, that it would be okay to come out. Then one day, Lance Bass from *Nsync came out in People magazine. Bruce remembered the time that he met Lance at a charity event. They both cruised each other until they wound up in a closet, making out desperately. They only quit when they realize that neither of them was a top.This must be his sign, then. He called Roger, and they started coming up with a plan.A few weeks later, Bruce did an interview with one of the few gay magazines still publishing. (He thought about sitting down with that guy who put him on the cover out Outweek all those years ago, but Roger decided against it.)It was huge. The magazine sold out everywhere. He was asked to be on everything from Ellen to Howard Stern. He wound up saying yes to both of them, and more.Mostly, he got support. Some straight assholes were mad that Bruce ‘tricked’ them into supporting a homosexual, but there were in the minority. He even got a supportive letter from Bruce Springsteen. Of course, they were on friendly terms, but it was still a pleasant surprise.“So, do you have regrets?” He got asked by Anderson Cooper. Bruce was still being asked for lots of interviews, and he was happy to.“I wish I came out sooner,” he said. “And...I left someone behind, when I came to LA back in the early 80’s. There really wasn’t any other way, but I still think about it sometimes.”“A romantic interest?” Anderson said. Bruce nodded. “Do you know what happened to him?”“No. I saw him once, but it was a while ago.” Bruce wondered if Vance was even alive. He never tried to find him, since Vance told him it was over. Anderson nodded, very serious, and then they moved on to another topic.It was a few days later, when he was relaxing at home, when he got a call from Roger. “Bruce, I got a number from someone. I think it’s that person back in North Denver. He got in touch with me. Do you want to talk to him?”Bruce was stunned silent at first. After a minute, he cleared his throat. “Yeah. Give it to me.”Roger gave him the number, and Bruce wrote it down. He waited for a bit, just sort of staring into space. Then he called.After a minute, someone answered. “Yeah, Vance.”“Hey Vance,” he said. “It’s me, Bruce. How are you?”Vance was silent a minute, and Bruce started to get nervous. But then Bruce heard a bark of laughter. “Wow, can’t believe it worked. I didn’t think you’d ever get back in touch with me. I just wanted to let you know how I was. You actually told CNN that you left me, huh?”“I...I’m sorry. Did I upset you?” Bruce was shocked. Vance had been very clear about not wanting to hear from him again. But that was over twenty years ago. Now, here they were.“No. But it made me want to touch base. I just want you to know, Bruce. I’m fucking fine.” Bruce let out a breath. “I am. I own my own restaurant now. I’ve been dating a sous chef at another restaurant for a few years, and we get along great. I’m not angry anymore. I finally did something with my life.”“I’m really glad,” Bruce said. “I’m glad you’re happy.”“Yeah, and I’m sober too, ten years going. Don’t worry, I didn’t have drinking problems because of you. It was more just being a chef, it’s high pressure. What about you? Are you doing better now?”“Wow, you’re sober? And I’m doing okay. Now that I’m out, I’m taking some time to go out, date. I get invited to parties now so maybe I can meet someone. But my kids live with me, so it’s not that much of a party life.”“That’s good. I’m glad you had kids. I won’t, but that’s okay. Look, I just called so you’d know I’m alive and going okay. We don’t have to stay in touch if you don’t want.”“I might keep your number, just so you know,” Bruce said. “And you can have mine. So you can keep in touch with me in case things go wrong. Just, let me know if you need anything. And thank you. It helps a lot, knowing you’re okay.”“Okay. I’m sorry for how angry I was. Maybe I’ll get back in touch. But for now, I’ve got to get the menu ready for tomorrow. I’ll see you. Come by the restaurant sometime if you ever come back here. Bye Bruce.”“Bye.” Bruce hung up, and went to his room. He stared at the ceiling for a while. He was glad that Vance seemed to be doing good. He figured he was too, although he still wanted to find someone. Maybe, the last part of him that missed Vance could move on.After a minute, Aster, his little girl, came running into the room. “Daddy, I want to go to my friend’s house, can you take me?”“Yeah? Want me to call ahead, see if they’re home?” She nodded, and crawled on the bed with him for a hug. “Okay honey. Who is it you want to see?”“Mabel,” she sing-songed, and Bruce giggled. “She said she wants me to come over soon. Before she goes to camp.”“Yeah? Let me call her mother then.” Bruce picked up the phone that was right next to him, and dialed Mabel’s mom. She was the wife of a movie exec, and she was a good mom to Mable. The call was brief, and then Bruce helped his daughter get ready to see her friend.…Before he got on the bus, he called his mother. “Mom, I’m leaving town,” he said before she could hang up.A pause. “Are you sure?”Bruce blinked hard. “Yeah mom, I am. Give my college money to Amy. She’s smarter than me anyway.”“Do you have your money?” Bruce told her he did. “Do you need me to bring you your clothes? A toothbrush?”“I don’t think I have enough time. I’ll pick up a couple of things at the store.” There was a thrift store and a five and dime near the bus station. “I love you mom. Tell dad I’m sorry it turned out like this. I’m going to LA.”Another long pause. “Call me when you get settled.” Then she hung up. Bruce left the phone booth, and went to the thrift store. He bought an extra pair of pants and two shirts. Then he got some toiletry items from the five and dime, and a gym bag to put his things in.He got on the bus without any thoughts. He didn’t want to think about Vance or his family. He just looked out the window, watching the scenery.After a few hours, he realized that he had nothing holding him back anymore. He could follow his dreams. He no longer answered to anyone. He missed Vance, but maybe this had to happen.He was going to make it. He was going to beat the odds. He had to. He had nothing left to lose.