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The fire was a searing inferno, raging all around them, sparks flying everywhere as smoke filled their lungs. the pain was insufferable. “m-m-mom what will we do?” Lucas cried, tears pouring from his bright blue, gleaming cerulean orb shaped vision receptacles, he was crying even more than usual, most likely due to the eye scorching smoke that plagued the air.“we just need to be strong and pray that it goes away. give peace a chance (John Lennon i love you)” Hinawa, in a last ditch attempt at comforting her children, stroked their bright orange and platinum yellow blonde heads as gently and reassuringly as she possibly could, all while secretly smoking the fattest joint ever conceived on this mortal coil. it was humongous, and Lucas and Claus were so flabbergasted by it’s incredible and absolutely impossible size that they were on the verge of shitting themselves. this was going to be one trip, and oh boy, was it.“Mom? Are we going to die?” Lucas's anxiety brimming to the top“yes Lucas we are” claus responded making the blonde boy's poor little heart even more filled with woe.“Claus!! Knock it off! But yes lucas we're gonna die…well you'll be fine but me and claus are goin byisebyes”Suddenly a roar was heard in the distance, only growing closer and closer. a mechanical drago popped out of nowhere (islands) snapping trees in half with his gaping razor sharp stainless steel maw(note: gotta hide the evidence innit, great design there from the Pigmasks)“hey…dudes is this floor like? red or am I tweaking” hinawa explainedlucas and claus grabbed their mother’s arms, desperately pulling her dead and extremely stoned brain along but was no use. the drago stomped over and bore down, piercing her poor poor loving heart, the same loving heart that used to brush Lucas's bueatiful blonde hair, the same heart that put claus in time out for only 25 minutes when his misdemeanor was so cruel it should have been 5 hours. The same loving heart that loved the boys and fed them omelettes. The same heart that cried when Flint had an affair with Bert. Gone… swiped away in an instant by the cruel horrible disgusting world forever… not quite a #1 Victory Royale for the Drago yet. ⅔ of the way to go.Blood spraying in all directions like it was raining, the smell of the Always Sanitary testing facilities and hemoglobin filled the air.. it was a great day for rain because of the fire but, not this particular variety of rain. Hinawa was on her period. What a debacle. But in a positive light she no longer had to worry about the plaguing period cramps; the vicious cycle could no longer continue. to those who seek to end the vicious cycle too, be like Hinawa. free thyself.Shortly after it smelled of KFC as it was very hot and she was really cookin! The forest fire was like the world's largest grill. that’s where KFC gets it’s name from actually, Killed n’ Fired claus/hinawa (the h is silent)“Claus…I dont think I like being drenched in my mothers ketchup”“Nuh, this is cranberry juice idiot.”..they fell silent when they saw their mother in a heap on the plateau ahead once the red rain had ceased. oh.Lucas's slow brain finally processed what had just happened, “mommy?” he cried out like the fucking orphan he is, straight out of Annie (don’t sue me please) he ran and ran as far as his stubby little legs could carry him, until Claus picked him up, called him a retard and that he got their mother killed, and then threw themselves in a river and later died of hypothermia (not quite)Fin. The end.
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Lucas and Claus sat in the icy cold water brooding, about just how awful their day had been. lucas was sad about his mother, and also that he was breathing water in and hurting the river, so to make it feel better he cried it back out again, but Claus was just angry that he smelled KFC but only got to eat the sand from the bottom of the river, and also that his streak of not showering had been broken against his will too. the day certainly was not in favour of him. poor Claus.“we better die of hypothermia before i start having to eat Lucas’ feet cheese instead. the stuff he has between his toes is all manky and blue. exquisite toe-aged cheese, enough to satisfy Duster’s cravings on a bad day.”“Hey!!! Its not my fault it builds up from how much I wear socks”“Oh yeah? well, it’s salty too. you don’t just cry out of your eyes y’know, cheese-boy.”“you better not have chewed my feet off already I can't feel them….. actually I cant feel any of my limbs, maybe we should get out of this water”“Skill issue. Also, no, lets wait for someone else to get us out. I can’t be bothered, also, it builds character.”“your right, our brooding is more effective this way too let's go back to brooding now…..eugh I hate life, I hate you, I hate my mom.”Lucas says all those with a crackly voice holding back sobs clearly not meaning his cruel harsh words...Suddenly, Claus’ eyes widen all of a sudden, as if he has just come to a sudden and miraculous realisation. “..oh my god. Lucas.”“What? I’m brooding..” Lucas exclaimed.“..i’ve got a fucking nut cookie in my pocket.”—---Near a tree by the river stood a certain little boy, one who’d covered himself with leaves as if to try and camouflage himself. This boy was infact not being racist towards chameleons, but rather, his name was Fuel. a friend of the twins, he’d been watching Lucas brood for the past 30 minutes or longer, not having told anyone that was desperately searching for them. He found it amusing, and found humour in Lucas’ agonising mental turmoil. It was only when he heard Claus mention nut cookies that he shot up and pulled them out of the river, calling for Tessie as if he’d just seen them for the first time. He needs that slightly unclean and not very tasty soggy and extremely moist nut cookie.“oh me oh my!! You poor poor babies, come here boys you look so blue and cold and sopping wet!”“Claus, remove your pantaloons, they’ll make you colder.” Fuel’s master plan was coming into fruition. The heist was beginning.“Oh Fuel! look at you so responsible and knowledgeable about hypothermia, I'm so glad you’re learning to help people out when they need it, your becoming a truly good lad. Yes boys, remove your pantaloons and take these towels to dry off.”“Thank you, Aunt Tessie, I learned from the finest!” With a huge grin, Fuel eagerly watched the two damp twins remove their shorts, and he threw towels at them as hard as he possibly could, picking up their shorts and rummaging through their pockets as he rushed off, stealing all of their belongings. The nut cookie was in his possession. his life was complete. now all that was left to do was to waste away and fucking die.Tessie sighed and gestured to the boys to follow her, Claus smirked and purposely tripped and fell “oh me! oh my!…I'm so cold I can't walk you'll have to carry me”“oh dear… yes come here little guy…glad to see at least you can walk Lucas.” tessie took claus in her arms and walked offLucas in fact could not walk, as he'd lost circulation in his limbs from the cold. He fell over and dragged himself across the ground to the fire with his hands.Finally the two were sat in front of the fire, warming up with their tea innit’10 minutes later and their dad Flintypie arrives, his balding head flashing brilliantly, reflecting the light emitted by the fire warming his two little juveniles.“I know that light conduction anywhere… dad!!” lucas smiles, both him and claus stumbling over their towels as they rush to their father.“Howdy sons, I reckon you’re hypothermic. Got that thermia' ay!” Flint chuckles as Lucas’ eyes are poked out by his icicle tears. ..it’s only then that somebody comes from around the bend. Jesus. he walks to Lucas, spitting on the ground in front of him. He picks it up in his holy palm, rubs it together, and then massages it into Lucas’ eyes.“See.”“Thank you lord for lettin’ my poor lost soul of a son see. Amen… can we all get an Amen?”All the villagers surrounding lift their hands into the air and release a powerful “AMEN LORD '' from their lips. The presence of the lord is so powerful and evangelical it would cause even the lowest believer to see.Lucas begins to recite the holiest holy thing to have ever been written in a holy book for holy people to indoctrinate them into holy beliefs for holy exelsis. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us for our trespass, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever, AMEN.”“This won’t be the last time I see you, Claus. Peace be with you, my lamb.” The light of God looks to Flint. “May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman.” Christ the lord turns away again, as he walks off, the holy dove the spirit of god lands on his shoulder and exclaims in a booming voice “behold my son” a stairway of clouds, leading him back into Nirvana, where it smells of teen spirit and the. irritatingly, there was Something In The Way; a door knob. he kicks it off of the stair, as his favourite disciple, Kurt Kobain, is waiting for him at the top.“I CANT wait to play fortnite and ping pong with that guy!!”The doorknob which the messiah kicked from the heavens hits the head of Bronson, who doesn't notice a thing due to how thick his skull is. he’s so insanely muscular that he has excess muscles which don’t fit in his body, but rather in his head that cushion the danger of the doorknob.Bronson struts over to the fire, the light revealing how gorgeous of a man he truly is. His toned figure is really complimented by the firelight, and he stops to make sure none of the women are drooling as he walks by. Bronson is no man, but rather, a deity. he is as close to god as god gets. that’s why Jesus left, he can’t handle Bronson’s fabulousness and divinity.“wheres my goddamn wife at?!” Flint looks over at Bronson, wiping a tear from his eye. he was still processing the holy visit.Completely stoic, Bronson stares at the two blue twins (yes, blue blue, haha, two contexts), staying strong as he projects his voice. “Your Mother would know.” (the beatles) now, looking over at Flint, he speaks up again, clearing his mighty throat. “I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”“ay! I want the bad news”Bronson strecthes his mighty finger out silencing the cowboy “nevermind that, let's start with the good news first. I found a drago fang, it's a fine blade I'll fashion it into a lovely weapon for sure, you can have it when Its complete, as I dont need such things as you can tell from my humble physique.”“I don’t need no damn tooth, i got’s plenty, where’s my wife at?!”“trust my m’boy, you will…” Bronson pauses for a moment sighing and wiping a single tear from his now saddened eyes. “as for the bad news…. Your probably wondering where I found such a lovely tooth… well your wife had it…”“Why you givin’ it to me then eh? it’s our anniversary, she should he givin’ me her presents herself. where’s my wife, Buffy?!”“Are ya ready kids?”“Aye aye, Captain!”“alas… your wife had it in a different manner, it was pierced through her heart.”“I CAN’T HEAR YOU” Claus chimes in. it was terrible timing to be singing the theme song to his fabourite animated TV series of all time. Spongebob Squarepants.“IT WAS PIERCED THROUGH YOUR MOTHERS HEART CLAUS” bronson says again making sure everyone hears the news.“AYE AYE CAPTAIN!!”“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.. WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE-” Claus is rudely interrupted by a rather out of place thunder clap. Lucas carries on either way.“spongebob squarepants!!” lucas chimes in, as Flint drops to his knees in absolute shock and disbelief.“..meh. ABSORBANT AND YELLOW AND POROUS TO SEA!!” it’s better to stay happy in situations such as these.“Spongebob squarepants!!” Other villagers attempt to console Flint, though he aggressively, and not very politely, pushes them away. he stands up, walking to the fire before him..“IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE IS SOMETHING YOU WISH!!”“spongebob squarepants!” CRASH!! in a fit of rage, Flint’s quaking hand tears through the simmering flames, picking up the thickest log he could find.“THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH!!”“Spongebob Squarepants!!”..And flop like a fish did Abbot and Ollie. his rampage would have carried on had it not been for Lighter, who knocked Flint out before he relentlessly hit someone else too. darkness.(🚨🚨Ness🚨🚨)