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Governor Ferguson had insisted on them having drinks after work. A debrief, she had called it. And Vera had said yes. She could not have said no. Joan was right, she needed to make time for herself; her mother was a lot do deal with. She was grateful for the distraction and the excuse to avoid her house.How she missed the silence when Rita had been in the hospital.Joan’s pour of vodka was generous. Her pour of soda water much less. Still, Vera drank her poison, only slightly grimacing. She refused to appear weak in front of the new Governor. The other woman seemed unaffected by the liquor.She smiled kindly and Vera felt herself melt at the sight.It was rare, seeing the Governor smile.She could hardly look away as she freed her hair from the tight bun. It looked soft. And disciplined even after a whole day in a bun. Hers was unruly, always.She laughed and confessed secrets that were never supposed to leave her lips.And she laughed some more, giggling uncontrollably after her third drink.It felt like friendship. Friendship with an imposing and accomplished woman who had chosen her, of all people.She felt special, more than she had ever done, and she had not needed to invent a fake boyfriend or create herself a new personality. The Governor had picked her for who she was.She had seen her. The real her.“Come on, Vera, you’re in no state to drive.” Joan said. She carefully cleaned their glasses as her deputy watched her from her chair in the office.“You’ve had as much to drink as I have.” Vera protested. She slurred her words and giggled again.“I’ve a much higher tolerance than you.” She replied. “I’m twice your size.”Her deputy looked her up and down as she walked closer to her. She was much taller and curvier than her, she noticed appreciatively.Disinhibited from the amount of vodka in her system, she ogled her openly. Joan silently took note of her interest.“Let’s go, Vera.” She said. She grabbed her deputy’s bag and jacket, making sure her keys and phone were inside.The younger woman wobbled as she stood up. “Oops.” She giggled again.Joan did not share her amusement. She caught her just in time to avoid her falling back onto the chair.“Sorry.” Vera had the decency to look sheepish. She grabbed Joan’s forearms to hold herself up.She was so tall and felt so warm. She looked at her, as she had never dared to, examining the way the dim lighting and her hair softened her features. Her lips seemed silky; how strange that she had never thought of her lips before.The Governor let her watch, masking the confusion she felt for a second. It did not take her long to understand, though: her drunk deputy wanted her.She felt the hands on her forearms bring her even closer. Her body was almost flushed with Vera’s. It appeared it had been purposeful on her part.The younger woman stood on tiptoes, a look of determination on her face.It seemed vodka had made the mouse bolder.Joan indulged her. She leaned down to meet her in a tentative kiss.Thought hesitant at first, Vera grew confident.When one of her hands left Joan’s forearm to find her waist, the Governor broke away.Her subordinate looked surprised. Was it at her own actions or at Joan’s?She chose to ignore it.“It’s late, let’s go.” She said firmly.Vera followed, still panting in shock. She held onto Joan’s arm for stability and followed her to her car.They drove to Vera’s house in silence. The deputy resisted the urge to turn on the radio.She felt nothing but confusion. Had they not kissed? Were they not going to talk about it?Joan acted as if nothing had happened.She wondered if she had not imagined it all. Her vision was blurred, she was uncoordinated. She could feel it as she willed herself to sober up.The Governor parked in front of her house and left the car to open her door and walk her up the driveway.That was more chivalrous behaviour than she had seen in the very few men she had dated.Vera stared at her again as she unlocked the door. Would she kiss her again?“I will come and get you in the morning. I’ll text you when I leave my house.” Joan said.“Thank you.” Her deputy replied.Joan nodded and walked back to her car.“Goodnight.” Vera added before getting inside to relieve the nurse. She was not sure the Governor had heard her. She had not answered.The next morning, she woke up with a pulsing headache and an upset stomach. She groaned as her alarm screeched.Her mother looked furious as she finally made her way downstairs to greet her. She listed her grievances: her coming home late on a school night, her getting drunk, her not being able to drive herself home…Vera ignored her, mechanically preparing her breakfast and her medicine. She did not have the strength to fight. Let her mother complain about her ungratefulness, unprofessionalism and unreliability.She sighed in relief when the nurse arrived.Joan texted her that she was on her way and memories of their evening came flooding back.She had made a fool of herself, ending up so inebriated when Joan had looked as sober as ever.And then, there was that kiss.Had it happened?She frowned. She had no evidence of it, only a fuzzy recollection of it.She knew alcohol could affect one’s memory. But could it create new ones out of nowhere?Joan greeted her at the door and drove her to the prison, telling her about the new inmate’s death the night before. Business usual.She only smiled slightly as she asked Vera how she felt and received a groan in return.She mentioned nothing about their possible kiss.Vera Bennett decided to drop the issue altogether. Joan was not angry with her, so that was it.It was much easier to pretend she had not drunk-kissed her boss who happened to be a woman. Much, much easier.It’s not that Joan had not enjoyed the kiss or that she would not want to do it again. It is just that she believed Vera too fragile to handle more in that moment. She was not sure her deputy even remembered, anyway, what with the state she was in.
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Vera thought about their kiss often. She thought about how she remembered it feeling, how she remembered it happening. She was still not sure whether she had truly kissed Joan: would a dream feel so realistic?But the Governor had mentioned nothing, therefore she had followed her lead.Schrodinger’s kiss was never to be spoken of.And yet it was always in the back of her mind: the longing, the fantom sensation. She remembered how electric it had felt, the way Joan’s lips tasted like heaven. How it had satiated and famished her at the same time.None of Fletcher’s attempts had made her feel so. The memory of him had never kept her awake with need. She had never daydreamed about him during the day, pining after an inaccessible force.Joan was different. Joan was unlike anyone she had ever met.Joan was a beacon of light in her sombre days. Waking up to her mother’s screeching was fine if she knew she would see the Governor at the prison.That evening, Joan brought her dinner and Vera was so shocked and frazzled she could barely react. She could only watch as the formidable woman met her harpy of a mother and whispered words that kept her quiet for the rest of the night. Then, she just stared as she navigated around her kitchen with ease and confidence.Rita fell asleep before the food could be plated. Vera had never been so thankful. And curious. What could Joan have said to her?The Governor refused Vera’s offer of a plate but agreed to a glass of wine.The younger woman relaxed. Was it the wine or the comfort of her own home now silent with her mother asleep?“I can’t believe she’s been quiet for so long.” Vera giggled. Her plate was empty. Her glass had just been filled for the third time. There she was, buzzed in front of her boss again. Her boss who seemed sober, unaffected by the pinot.“I guess she was just tired.” Joan shrugged.“I don’t know what you told her but can I record you saying it again so I can make her listen to it every day?” She joked.The Governor smiled mysteriously.“Come on, let’s get this plate cleared.” She said, picking up her plate and cutlery.And Vera forgot her line of questioning.“No, no, no. I’ll do it. You’ve already brought the food.” She hurried to grab everything from Joan’s hands. “Everything’s just going in the dishwasher anyway.”The older woman watched as she set everything away with satisfying efficiency. It took less than a minute.“See. All done.” Vera smiled.Without warning, Joan’s right hand came closer to her face. She froze, waiting for her sentence. And soon, she felt her thumb wipe away the stain left by the red wine on her bottom lip.“You had a little something.” Joan said, her face unreadable, unaffected.Vera blushed and stared wide-eyed.Joan held her gaze and stepped closer. Closer. And closer. The younger woman closed her eyes. It felt intense, nerve-wracking, not knowing what would come next.And instead of kissing her, as Vera had hoped, she walked past her to the sink and washed her hands.Vera sighed silently. Of course she would. She took advantage of the distraction to compose herself.Where was her glass of wine? She grabbed it and downed a large gulp.Was it all innocent on Joan’s part? Was Vera reading signals wrong?The Governor dried her hands and drank more of her wine too.Silence settled in; a silence that felt uncomfortable to Vera.
“Thank you for tonight again, Governor.” She started. They were standing face to face. “It means a lot.” She looked up, trying to focus on Joan’s eyes but her lips looked so inviting.“It’s my pleasure.” She replied.The intensity of her gaze made Vera blush again. It had to mean something, she thought. She could not be reading those signals wrong.The alcohol in her veins made her bold. She grabbed the glass from Joan’s hand and set it on the countertop with hers.It was all the encouragement her boss needed, it seemed, as she closed the distance between them and kissed her.It felt different this time. She was only tipsy, aware of her surroundings. Her hands explored the other woman’s waist as she felt herself being pulled until she was flushed with her body.Her curves felt delicious against her. She would have salivated, had her mouth not been too busy devouring Joan.Their tongues gently caressed each other. It was not forceful, not invasive, as most of her kisses with men had been.They eventually broke apart, gasping for air. Vera reluctantly let go of Joan’s hips. They looked so good in her black jeans.“We’ve done this before, haven’t we?” She asked, gazing up at her boss. Her cheeks were red, and her lips swollen.“We have.” Joan simply replied, still unreadable.“We should do it again.” Her deputy decided.She stood on tiptoes and waited for her to meet her halfway. Which she did, with ardour.Their lips and tongues moved against each other with urgency. Vera allowed herself to explore her body as she felt her own being explored by dexterous hands. Her hands snaked down Joan’s blouse and found the delicious expanse of soft skin.And suddenly, everything stopped making sense. The Governor took charge, assaulting her neck, unbuttoning her blouse, carrying her to have her sit on the countertop for easier access.Vera sighed, holding onto her back. It felt so good. Better than it had ever felt. She wrapped her legs around her waist, hoping her body would relieve the ache between her legs.Here she was, half naked in her kitchen, while Joan Ferguson sucked on her neck and removed her bra.“We should go upstairs.” She mumbled.“Why?” Joan whispered in her ear. She licked her earlobe.Vera moaned again. Why? “My mother is asleep in the other room.” She said, too distracted to truly care.What if her mother heard? Let’s traumatise her back.“You’ll have to be very quiet, then.” Joan declared with a knowing smile.The next thing she knew, she was no longer sitting on the countertop but rather standing in front of it, her back to Joan. She yelped in surprised.The Governor flushed her body against hers from behind and attacked her neck again. She bit her shoulder. Something that should not have felt as heavenly as it did.One hand teased her nipple and the other moved down. It was slow, deliberately tortuous. She traced her abs, the curve of her hip and finally reached her skirt which she bunched up around her waist.She cupped her through her knickers. Vera gasped and moved against her. That’s what she needed. She wiggled some more when she realised Joan would not bulge from the spot.“Please.” She whispered.“Please, what?” She felt her smile against her cheek.“Please, touch me.”“I am touching you.”She groaned. “Please, please…” Begging seemed ineffective. Joan expected more. “Please, fuck me.”And she did.Joan’s fingers worked her knickers and found her soaking centre. She was ready, more than ever. She circled her clit, revelling in the way Vera gasped. She was putty in her hands, at her mercy, hers to defile and possess.
“Shh…” She whispered as the younger woman grew more vocal.She pondered adding a finger in but considering the way her deputy squirmed against her, she would not need to just yet. Instead, she put her hands against her mouth to muffle her moans.The sole gesture should not have excited Vera as it had. There had to be something wrong with her, being aroused by such a controlling move. But she was.It was the cherry on top to how good Joan’s fingers felt between her legs. Her index had found her clit with such ease she felt jealous. The Governor was playing her like a fiddle, with the talent of a musical prodigy. She gripped the counter. The furniture and the strong body against her were keeping her upright. Her legs were already starting to give out.
She came hard with a scream silenced by Joan’s hand. She let her ride her orgasm, moving slightly until the jerks of Vera’s body pushed her to stop.The younger woman barely had time to catch her breath. Joan stepped away from her and walked to the sink to watch her hands. She stared at her back, shocked. Here she was, half naked in her kitchen in a post-orgasmic bliss while Joan remained…Joan.Her reflexion in the window made her grab her discarded shirt, put it back on and straighten her skirt.She stood wide-eyed as the Governor grabbed her bag and left her kitchen.The front-door closing softly startled her back to reality.What had just happened?She stared at her reflexion once more.She knew what had happened.But what did it mean?She sighed.The shower she had brought no answers. Her almost-sleepless night did not either.She was so preoccupied she barely noticed the three pills missing from her mother’s pill box.The next morning, she found the Governor in her office to file a report and get updated on Simmo’s state. Joan acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and Vera followed her lead. Again.Still, before leaving, she found the nerve to ask one question:“Governor… About what happened last night…” She started.Joan looked up from her computer screen, frowning. She had dismissed her deputy. She needed to leave. She had work to do.“Where are we, Vera?”Vera stood, confused. “Erm… In your office.”“Yes. In my office, in the prison, in your place of employment. Not an appropriate place to talk about last night.”Her deputy looked down, dejected. “You’re right… Sorry.”“I do hope you are not stupid enough not to understand what happened.” Joan said. She looked pointedly at her. “Are you?” She almost challenged her.Vera felt small, so small. She refrained from hugging herself for comfort. “No, Governor.” She replied and left her office in a hurry.She would never ask questions about their encounters again. Not when Joan’s answer had made her feel so stupid and little and socially inept.She went back to her rounds with haste.It was not that Joan regretted what had happened. It is just that she was not capable of the emotional availability Vera would surely expect after that. It was easier to nip it in the bud.Vera was not ready. She was neither strong nor independent enough to handle her just yet.
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Vera was distracted. Her performance at work was subpar at best, and Joan would not stand for that. She was, therefore, forced to set a plan in motion that would rid her deputy of the source of her worries.And it worked. It worked so well, Joan wished she could publicly take the credit for it.Her caterpillar had bloomed into a majestic butterfly.She decided it was time, now. Vera was ready.She deserved it.She was hyper focused, efficient, and independent. Everything she needed her to be.This new version of her made Joan seer with arousal.Vera was surprised by the ringing doorbell at eight that night. She was relaxing on her couch after her first day back at work.Her house had been cleared of her mother’s belongings. It almost felt empty. Only the furniture and some photo frames remained.She had already contacted contractors to renovate the house she now officially owned.There’s one thing about being a pathetic forty-year-old spinster with no friends to speak of: her saving’s account was full, and for the first time in her life, she knew how she would spend part of her hard-earned money.Vera opened the door to find Joan standing there. She stared in surprise.Joan had forgone the uniform and was wearing a dark blouse with three buttons open: enough to tease quite a bit of cleavage. And if that was not sufficient, she had put on a necklace that fell right between her breasts. Vera was too distracted to notice her black leggings and riding boots.“Governor. Hi.” She stared some more.“Hello, Vera.” Joan looked her up and down and stepped closer to her. She walked with a purpose; a woman filled with determination.Her deputy barely had time to process her presence in her home. She felt her hands on her cheeks and the assault of her lips on hers.She welcomed her with ardour, pulling her closer by her hips and ignored the strain on her neck caused by the height difference.She had been dreaming of kissing her for weeks. For a while, she believed it would never happen again, not when Joan seemed so disappointed by her failures at work.Vera asked no questions; she followed the Governor’s lead. When she led her to the couch, Vera walked backwards without breaking the kiss. She feared Joan would run away if she stopped touching her.Now that she had her again, she refused to let her go.So, she bent to her will. Joan motioned for her to straddle her thighs, so she obliged. Joan wanted to kiss her neck, so she brushed her hair away. Joan wanted to hear her moan, so she moaned.And when Vera felt like nothing more than a puppet that the Governor enjoyed devouring, she decided to grant herself a few liberties. She touched her silky hair, softly scraping her scalp which made Joan bite her shoulder. Her hands travelled down her back and under her blouse.Her own t-shirt had been discarded a while ago and Joan had happily realised she was not wearing anything underneath. She played with her nipples, fondling her breasts and delighted in the groans that came from her deputy’s mouth.She was so very delicious.She bit her neck but stopped herself from branding her with her teeth. No visible marks. It would not do at work. Instead, she ravaged the skin of her chest. It would be hidden by the uniform.She hastily regained control of the situation as she felt Vera’s hand reach her own breasts over her bra. This would not do.She changed their position at once: Vera down the couch, her back against the armrest and her between her legs, pinning her hands in place by her wrists.It was not that she did not want Vera to touch her. She was just not sure she was ready.She kissed her again, leaving her breathless and let her free hand roam down her body. She felt her small hips though her shorts and grabbed her naked thighs with enough force to bruise them. It seemed to excite Vera. She let out a needy whine.She removed the pyjama shorts the other woman seemed to wear over nothing and was hit with the smell of her arousal and her shower gel. It reassured her that Vera had just washed.Otherwise, she might have been forced to get her in a bath.She let go of Vera’s wrists and repositioned them on the couch.There was her prize. She almost lunged for her groin, burying her face in the soaking centre. Vera startled and froze underneath her.Joan guessed it was her first time feeling someone’s face between her legs. She let her acclimate and started lapping at her slit only after she felt her fully relaxed.The hand on her head did not bother her. She allowed Vera that freedom.The younger woman’s body almost sung for her. She let her moans and jerks guide her mouth, sucking and licking her clit and brought two fingers to tease her with come-hither motions.How delightful it felt to have her contract around them as she reached the nirvana. It made the heat between Joan’s own legs seer.She remembered how she had furiously driven home and brought herself to orgasm three times that night after their fumble in the kitchen.Vera pulled her up to kiss her. She tasted her own juices on her lips and was surprised to find it sexier than anything she had ever felt.She only broke away to look at her pleadingly.“Can I touch you, please?” She asked. No, she begged.Joan looked at her, puzzled. She tried pulling away, but Vera would not let her. She would have besought her on her knees if the older woman had asked.“Please. You make me feel so good, I want to make you feel like that too.” She added, leaning in to kiss her.The Governor seemed lost in thought for a moment and took another look at her bright blue eyes. Would she cry if she refused? Would she have to comfort her and give her an explanation?She allowed the kiss and bit the mouse’s lips when she felt hands settle on her hips.“Okay.” She finally breathed against her mouth.Vera smiled, no, she beamed.Her hands made quick work of Joan’s buttons.The older woman barely had time to feel self-conscious or wonder what Vera would think of her body. Her deputy lunged for her breasts hungrily.She guessed she had been waiting for this as long as Joan had. Who was she to deny her the pleasure. Her and herself.She sat back on the couch and let Vera straddle her. But it seemed she had other ambitions. Her blouse and bra were thrown on the coffee table and before she could protest, Vera stepped back, opened her legs and kneeled between them.Joan’s breath caught. Her mind screamed at her to leave. This level of intimacy was too much to bear. But the burning need in loins kept her there.Her riding boots were slowly removed, followed by her leggings and her socks on the way.Vera’s hands travelled from her knees to her upper thighs. She looked up, her pupils blown, almost shyly asking for permission to rid Joan of her knickers.They were black and plain, not that she noticed.A nod from the governor was all she needed. The cotton of her underwear joined the rest of her clothes.Joan had scooted down enough to give her access to her most intimate parts.She had hardly ever allowed anyone to touch her there. She was certain whatever effort Vera would make would bring her nowhere near orgasm, but she allowed the other woman to try.“I’ve never done this before. Will you teach me?” She asked, looking up at her again with pleading eyes.That look was enough to make Joan’s walls clench over nothing.She grabbed a fistful of her hair. “Just take your time, I’ll tell you what feels right.” She said.Vera kissed and licked and sucked on the skin of her inner thigh. Joan had done the same and it had felt wonderful, teasing her just to make her completion more delicious.Joan’s fist tightened around her hair; she took that as an order to focus on other parts of her.She licked up her slit. Joan was wet, soaking. She wondered why she would not let Vera touch her before, if she was this aroused.She let the pressure of Joan’s hand and hips guide her. She would hear an intake in breath if she was doing something right and receive a slight pull if she dared move away from a sweet spot.Joan was surprised to feel her own orgasm building. She felt the pleasure intensify in waves. It had only taken Vera minutes to learn how to please her. She was efficiently accomplishing what no one ever had.Joan came mumbling profanities and clutching Vera’s hair. There she was, out of breath, vulnerable. And Vera was gazing longingly at her.The Governor stroked her hair and force her to stand between her legs. As a reward, she received a kiss. Her deputy beamed, naked and sweaty and happier than ever, it seemed.It triggered Joan’s fight or flight response.She waited for Vera to get dressed and serve them water to slip on her own clothes. She joined her in the kitchen, accepted the glass and washed her hands thoroughly. She only barely refrained from asking for mouthwash to rinse her mouth. She could survive the ten-minute drive.And as Vera was slowly walking to lean against the counter next to her, she vanished into thin air.The younger woman stood, confused, as she heard the front-door close.Was that the price to pay to be close to her elusive superior? Only sharing ephemeral intimacy before going back to being professionals?Would she accept that?She did not even have a choice. She could never refuse Joan.Still, she went to bed and cried herself to sleep. Had she ever felt so used?The next morning, she did not mention their encounter at work. She had learnt that lesson the hard way.
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Joan watched Vera like a hawk, prepared for another awkward conversation about what might or might not have happened between them, her shoulders squared, ready for combat in case her deputy were to act unprofessionally.But nothing happened.As the days went on and she realised that nothing would have to change, she relaxed.She had slept with Vera Bennett, and everything had remained the same.She worked comfortably, forming an unbeatable duo with her competent deputy.The younger woman had proven herself worthy.Two weeks after their encounter on Vera’s couch, Joan decided that reiterating the experience would be a great idea.This beginning of an arrangement was perfect for her: she got to enjoy her body and not worry about her feelings. It seems her deputy and her were on the same wavelength.She needed to blow some steam that evening. Channing was foolishly trying to build a case against her.As if she were anything but competent. As if she could not cover her own tracks.He should have put his own house in order first.She knew for a fact that Vera had rebuffed whatever offer he had made her and for that, she deserved a reward. Joan felt like celebrating.“Drinks after your shift?” She asked once she got Vera alone in the canteen office.Her deputy appeared surprised by the offer but finally nodded. “Sure, Governor.”“Alright. See you in my house at eight, then.” She said and left.Of course she had agreed. Vera never had other plans, and if she did, Joan would have found a way to make her drop them with very little persuasion. Vera was always available for her.The Governor decided she would not get her drunk that evening, just enough to relax her. One reasonably poured vodka and soda. And she would allow herself one too. She would prepare some food to nibble, for sustenance.Vera went home as soon as the end of her shift rang. She was surprised by Joan’s offer. Drinks in her office were common, but drinks at her house? That was new.She was far from innocent; she knew what it meant. She was grateful for the heads-up this time. Not that she had minded Joan’s unprompted visits.So, she hurriedly hopped in her shower and thoroughly washed away the sweat and dirt accumulated during the day. She was far from unclean, but she knew of Joan’s obsession with hygiene. She would not give her a reason to reject her.She carefully chose a matching set of underwear. The nicest she owned. She did not possess anything overtly sexy. It’s not like she had any use for it. Perhaps that could change.She picked an outfit that was casual but still complimented the shape of her body: jeans and a white top. It highlighted her delicate collarbones and hugged her narrows hips.She let her curls naturally flow but still disciplined them. Joan seemed to love her hair. Or rather, she seemed to love touching it, grabbing it, pulling it. She kept her make up as she wore it at work and only added gloss. She did not have time to fuss over her face. Joan did not appear to care either way.She parked in the driveway of the address Joan had texted her. She nervously knocked on the door holding the bottle of wine she had brought. It was impolite to arrive empty-handed. It was the same vintage that Joan had drunk when she had brought her dinner.The Governor had forgone her uniform and was wearing dark leggings, a black blouse and her hair down. She had picked jewellery: a necklace, earrings, just enough to dress her outfit up.She smiled at Vera and the younger woman wished she could have told her she looked beautiful.The words were stuck in her throat. She imagined it would be inappropriate. But then again, she could not figure out what was appropriate about this situation. Was she, Plain Vera Bennett, having an affair with her boss?Joan accepted the bottle of wine but told her they would drink it another time. Her deputy almost jumped for joy when she understood there would be another time.She poured Vera a glass of vodka and soda and led her to the couch. On the coffee table laid a tray with cheese cubes, hummus, and crackers.The younger woman still felt awkward as she sat next to her, but not so close they would be touching.“To the end of a long day.” Joan toasted.Vera nodded and clinked her glass to hers.She imagined Channing’s presence unnerved the Governor. She was smart enough to realise he was trying to remove her from her position.She took a consequent gulp of her perfectly balanced vodka soda, hoping the alcohol would sort her nerves out, and obediently set the glass on a coaster.Was this a date? How was one supposed to behave on a date? She should have done research.Vera decided to ask Joan about her life, how she had come to work in corrections.The conversation naturally flew. It felt much less awkward after a while. The alcohol helped too.The younger woman could only listen, fascinated. She watched the way Joan’s mouth moved as she told her about her time as Governor of different institutions. She sat there, hypnotised and the conversation moved to Wentworth.And she forgot to answer when Joan asked her why she had chosen to work in correction. Thankfully, the other woman appeared amused by her contemplation.She eventually replied but moved the conversation back to Joan. She did not feel interesting enough to talk about herself. Instead, she asked more about the Governor.She learnt that she enjoys Russian literature, thrillers, classical music and fencing. Her favourite composer was Rachmaninov because he is a genius pianist and his Romantic work has more soul than all his contemporaries’ combined.Vera pretended to understand what she meant and tried to pay attention to the symphony she played for her.She was hanging on to her every word, drinking her wisdom and breathing in her eloquence. She would never be as cultured as Joan, not even if she spent years trying to learn all there was to learn.She almost felt stupid, sitting next to her with so little to say. She was not a great cook, she was not particularly gifted physically, she was plain, the last book she read had to be an embarrassingly cheesy romance and lately she had taken to listening to Lana Del Rey on full blast at home.How plain. How boring.Joan did not seem to mind.“You’d never betray me, Vera, would you?” She asked after a moment of silence. She turned on the couch to face her, her hands free from her empty glass.Vera frowned. “No, Governor.” Did Joan believe she had sided with Channing?The older woman gently stroked her cheek and felt her deputy all but melt into her touch.“Good girl.” She whispered, her eyes analysed her face, looking for traces of dishonesty.Vera’s eyes widened at the tone, her mouth fell open. She would have never imagined being aroused by such words. And yet here she was, almost breathless with the intensity of the moment.Joan kissed her and it felt like a reward.Vera realised that she would stand by her forever if Joan vowed to kiss her every day.They had sex on the couch because the older woman was not ready for the bedroom. It was too intimate. Much too intimate.Vera touched Joan with reverence, as one would a goddess, and Joan touched Vera as if she owned her. And she might as well have. As far as her deputy was concerned, her body was safer in the older woman’s hands than in anyone else’s, even her own.Vera took her leave once they were done, saving Joan the trouble of asking her to go. It would make her too uncomfortable.She almost ran to her car, still feeling the ghost of her hands and lips on her skin.That evening had felt different, much more intimate, less rushed. She felt less like a random body and more like a person Joan had chosen.It was better than nothing, she supposed.
She could not find the nerves to ask what they were. She refused to give the other woman a reason to panic and run away. Vera would rather have parts of her than nothing at all.She could endure it. She knew it.And one day, Joan would be hers.She had hope, so much hope. She lived on it.Their relationship shifted from that night on. Their encounters were no longer unplanned, rushed, and messy.The Governor would invite her for drinks and her deputy would come running. She had the jurisdiction of their rendezvous, and Vera never refused. They were frequent enough: once or twice a week.The younger woman almost knew when to expect them: at the end of a day where the Governor had accomplished an impressive feat, or after an excruciating shift where she had reached a dead-end. Joan never called on her after a banal day. She had no excitement or frustration to wear out. Vera assumed she went fencing instead.They were not dating, the younger woman knew that. They were regularly sleeping together at Joan’s convenience. It was a strange situation, but then again, Vera had so little experience that she could not compare it to anything else.It was reassuring, in a way: she kept her independence, she did not have to worry about commitment, her needs were met regularly and with expertise, and most importantly, nothing changed at work. No one knew about them, no one asked questions, no one gazed at her suspiciously, no one wondered how long she had been attracted to women and why she would fall for one such as Joan.It felt safe, almost. Constant.Bea’s escape would soon unravel their fragile equilibrium.The atmosphere felt stifling in Wentworth. Staff and inmates could all feel it. A storm was brewing, and that storm would thunder sooner than they expected.Joan realised what Smith had planned too late. She let her opponent best her. And suddenly, her fortress crumbled: the escape, Fletcher’s accusations…Still, she found a silver lightning: the situation was the perfect excuse to throw Will to the wolves, to ruin his career, and avenge Jianna.Vera’s question about her past became an opportunity to truly test her loyalty.“It’s not true though, is it?” She asked, tentatively. She seemed worried. What about? Worried that Fletcher might be right, or that Joan might take offence to the accusation?“What if it is?” Joan answered. She had nothing to lose, now. She would not lie. “Every decision I make is for the greater good. If I have to make difficult choices, then so be it.” She added. Vera appeared confused. Her moral compass had not fully been recalibrated yet. “You could relate to that.”“I’m sorry?” Vera frowned.“What you did to your mother.” She delivered the coup de grace. Her deputy visibly paled, fearing a life in prison. “Some people would think differently, but you made a difficult decisionfor the greater good. Just like me.”We are the same, Joan thought.“My conscience is clear. How's yours?” She finally asked.It took her deputy a moment to decide. But she eventually nodded.We are the same, Vera thought.And from then on, they seemed to reach an understanding. They could accept each other when no one else would: the bad, the ugly, the atrocious, the monstruous.Vera passed her final test when she supported Joan in front of the police. She went against her own colleague, one that used to be a friend.It sealed their fates forever.
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“The women have been informed of the lockdown and the suspension of their privileges, Governor.” Vera said as she walked into Joan’s office.The dark circles under her eyes and the tension in her shoulders betrayed her exhaustion.“Smith and Will Jackson are in custody. They should remain there until tomorrow at least, so we should have a relatively quiet night.” The governor sighed. She did not hide her exhaustion either.Cards on the table.“Time to go home, now. There’s nothing more we can do.” She declared.Vera nodded.Her computers were both turned off already. The desk was spotless as ever.“Very well, Governor. Do you need me in earlier than usual tomorrow?” She asked.“No, there’s no need. Smith won’t be transferred until the afternoon, at least, even if she and Jackson both confess.”“Alright.” Vera remained unmoving for a while, examining the woman in front of her. She had never seen her so affected before. She wished she could find words to show her support, her compassion, her devotion.She found none.Instead, she made her way to the door and said: “Goodnight, Governor.”“Vera.” Joan called before she could leave. The younger woman turned around at once. “Would you follow me home tonight? We can have dinner.” She offered.Vera refrained from smiling. She was exhausted, more than ever. She wanted nothing more than to jump in the shower and head to bed, but the prospect of an evening with Joan changed everything. It was still early anyway, barely eight in the evening. And she would not be needed before nine tomorrow.“I would love to.” She said. They had never had dinner together. That was new.“I’ll meet you in the parking lot in ten minutes, then.”Joan seemed unaffected by her own invitation on the outside. On the inside, her blood boiled with anxiety.
“Okay.” Vera beamed and hurried out of the office.She had never packed her belongings so quickly. Joan’s offer felt different this time around. Auspicious. Profound.She signed off as the Governor stepped out of the elevator and waited for her after greeting the officer on duty in reception. They walked silently to their respective car and Joan reminded her what the fastest route was.She had never followed her home from work. She was usually invited for a later hour during their shifts or received a text. Sometimes all Joan would send was “come over”, and Vera would all but jump in her car and speed towards her house for fear that she change her mind if she took too long.Joan’s home was spotless when they both arrived. She gestured for her to leave her shoes at the door and her jacket and tie on the hat stand. She even gave her slippers, which made Vera giggle.“Are you hungry for something consistent?” Joan asked, as she fed her fish.“Not really.” She shrugged. “But I’m fine with whatever.”The Governor looked up and stared. “Don’t be too adaptable, Vera.” She opened her fridge. “I’m not too hungry, I guess I could make soup, a small salad. There’s still fresh bread left from this morning.”
“Sounds good.” Vera smiled.“Come wash your hands, I need you to peel vegetables for me.” Joan pointed at the sink.The younger woman seemed surprised but started smiling. It felt oddly domestic, cooking side by side in Joan’s kitchen, wearing slippers she had given her.She peeled away as Joan chopped and simmered. A chef and her assistant.When the time came for the onion, tears welled up in her eyes. She felt them slide down her cheeks. She watched as Joan’s own tears fell. How strange, to think the Governor would be reduce to tears by mere onions. One would have thought she would have found a way around it.“Jeez, Vera, don’t you own waterproof mascara.” She mocked.Vear rolled her eyes, amused. “Let me sob in peace, my husband left me for another man.” She joked.And Joan laughed. She had never heard her laugh sober before. It sounded delightful. She wished she could listen to it forever.They had a drink while the vegetables simmered in a homemade broth. The countertops were spotless once again, the dishes were done. They sat on the highchairs of the kitchen island.“Today was atrocious.” Joan sighed. “The board will have my head.”“It wasn’t your fault, you’re not the one who let Smith out.” Vera frowned.“That’s not how it works, Vera. When you’re Governor, the responsibility falls on your shoulders. Whatever your staff or the prisoners do, you answer for it.”“You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it though, could you?”“I should have anticipated her escape.” She sipped her vodka soda. “Now I’m two officers down and one inmate has committed murder on the outside under my care.”“The board wouldn’t…” Vera dared not complete the sentence, but Joan understood anyway.“No, I have an… Ally on the board.” She replied, mysteriously. “I’ll receive a good old bollocking, as one could call it.” She paused. “God, I fucking hate being lectured by men. Balding buffoons the lot of them.”Vera snorted as she heard the words. “Sorry, I’m not used to hearing you use that sort of language.” She said, sheepishly when she saw Joan frown.Joan drank the rest of her drink and checked on their food. The vegetables were ready to be blended.The younger woman was impressed to see that Joan had a robot for that. Their soup was ready three minutes later and the Governor set everything away in the dishwasher. She was a ‘clean first and eat later’ kind of person. Unsurprisingly.As everything Joan had ever cooked for her, it was delicious. She told her so and the Governor just brushed off the compliment.Vera almost felt annoyed. Why did she have to be perfect at everything she did? Could she not be mediocre for once?“Do you understand why Smith did it?” Vera asked while they dined.“Kill Brayden Holt?” The younger woman nodded. “She was right to do so.”“He deserved it, I suppose.”“He did.”“She’ll probably serve a life sentence for it, though.”“She most definitely will, but what did she have to lose, really? Her life on the outside seems quite bleak without her daughter there. And I suppose her husband was too much of a coward to do it himself.”“That’s true.” She appeared lost in thought for a moment. “I think I would have done the same, but I would have made it hurt so much more.” She confessed, as if it were a terrible secret.“I would have too.” Joan replied.There it was again: an understanding, an acceptance. The violent, the ugly, the cruel.“But we’re not here to judge, just to correct. It doesn’t matter what we would or wouldn’t have done, she will be condemned.” The Governor said.“I feel quite hypocritical sometimes. They’re inside and…” She hesitated. “Other people aren’t.” She couldn’t use ‘I’, or ‘we’. That would not do.“They were stupid enough to get caught.” Joan shrugged.“Fair enough.”Vera considered conversations with the older woman to be a breath of fresh air. She could utter the wildest, most politically incorrect statement, and Joan would always agree and say worse.“Cold-blood murder should be legal sometimes.” She said.“It’d sure save me a lot of trouble.” Joan replied.And Vera smiled.Soon they were done dining, and their plates were cleared. It barely took a minute. Joan was an efficient cleaner. She had to be, the younger woman assumed, otherwise she would never get anything done.“Come with me.” The Governor said.She offered no explanation. Vera followed, obediently.She was led up the stairs, an area of the house she had never visited. A door on her left opened on the most luxurious bathroom she had ever visited. There was a bathtub, a multijet shower, a double sink and a full-length mirror. All towels were neatly folded, all beauty products arranged in a straight line.It looked like something out of a magazine. One could not imagine someone could live in such an immaculate space.“Undress, now.” Joan said. Her voice was soft, it was not an order, though it felt just like it to Vera.She stood in front of the taller woman, hesitant.
“We’re having a bath.” Joan explained. Why did she have to spell everything out? Could Vera not understand the context of her demand.“Oh, okay.” She smiled, shyly.It was strangely intimate, undressing in front of her. There seemed to be no sexual tension between them: just two women about to step into a bath together. She removed her clothing slowly, nervously, and barely looked in Joan’s direction.She wanted nothing more than to ogle her, to gaze at the body she only got to touch, and kiss, but never to hold. There was no time for contemplation, no time for tenderness, no time to just enjoy each other’s skin. She always left Joan’s house touch starved and heart-broken that it could not be more.The governor started running the bath, throwing various products that made the room smell like a luxurious spa. And then, she led Vera to the shower, she offered no explanation, just a wash mitt and shower gel. Her deputy followed her lead. It would make sense that Joan would want to rinse before getting into a bath.Vera was very quickly distracted by a part of Joan’s anatomy that was right under her eyes. Or rather, face to face with her. All soft and soapy. She watched mesmerised as her lover’s breasts moved with her. She almost reached for them, but refrained for fear that it might be untoward.“My eyes are up there, Vera.” Joan joked.She looked up, not the least bit embarrassed. “Sure, but can you blame me? These are literally, right here.” She smiled. “And you’re like super hot so…”The older woman snorted silently, and rolled her eyes, and faintly blushed. “Okay, Vera.” She dismissed the compliment, as if she hardly believed it.With one last rinse, she led Vera out of the shower, carefully having her step on the mat that separated it from the bath.It was full now, and the perfect temperature.They stepped in, easily for Joan and with difficulty for Vera. The edges were much too tall for her legs.Joan positioned herself behind Vera, making her sit against her front. She couldn’t see the way the younger woman beamed.“Wait, let me just…” She moved around for a moment. “I have… legs.” She said, and cursed herself for sounding so ineloquent.“I know, they’re great legs.” Her deputy replied. She slowly stroked her thighs under water.The compliment made Joan snort, again. Vera supposed it was her equivalent of giggling and twirling her hair. She promised herself that she would compliment her more just to hear the sound.Joan dried her hands and slowly unpinned her deputy’s tight bun. Hers had been freed when she had stepped inside her house. She let the hair fall and slowly brushed the strands with her parted fingers. Finally, she pinned her hair in a relaxed ponytail to keep it out of the water and hugged her with both arms. Vera sighed in contentment and relaxed even further onto her.They had never been so close platonically. It generated a comfortable warmth that had nothing to do with the water temperature. It felt like a cocoon, a moment suspended in time and space.For the first time since Jianna, Joan showed her vulnerability, removing her armour, if only for a night.Vera could be trusted. Vera saw her, and Vera stayed. Vera understood. Vera could relate.“What are we, Joan?” The younger woman asked. For the first time, she felt safe enough to.“We’re the Governor and the Deputy Governor of Wentworth.” She replied.“Not here, though.” She did not turn around.“No, not here.” Joan held her tighter.“Are you a lesbian?” Vera asked. Where was this courage coming from?She tensed but slowly relaxed soon after. “No.”Her deputy frowned. Joan Ferguson who could not look at a man without sneering at him was not a lesbian?“Am I a lesbian?”“That’s for you to decide.”“I can just… decide?” She questioned, confused.“It’s your life, of course you get to decide.” Joan replied, matter-of-factly.“Right.”“Why is it so important to you?” She asked.“I… don’t know. What if people ask?” Vera frowned.“Why would people ask?” She seemed genuinely confused.“Don’t they?” Now the younger woman was confused too.“Have you ever been asked?”She thought for a moment. “No.”“There you go, then.”Joan gave her time to ponder the thought.“Vera… You know that no one must know about us.” She began tentatively.“Of course.” Vera did not take offence.“It would do no good to our reputation. It’s tough enough being a woman on the job, you can’t add an illicit affair on top of it.”“It’s not illicit.” She frowned.“I’m the Governor, you’re my Deputy.”“I mean, we’re consenting adults… And we’re not married to other people unless you’re hiding a spouse from the world.” She tried joking.“It’s a sensitive subject. Look at Meg Jackson and Erica Davidson.”“What about Erica Davidson? She was engaged.” She frowned again. Where did Joan get her information?“She had an inappropriate relationship with Doyle.”“Doyle? Franky?”
She asked, surprised.“Yes.”“No, she couldn’t…” She remembered all those times Erica had defended Doyle and denied her involvement in drug activity. “Oh… You’re right… Fuck, not her too…”“See…”“I mean... who would I tell anyway?” She joked.They remained in silence for a while longer, just holding each other.Eventually, Joan gestured for them to step out of the bathtub. She offered Vera a bathrobe that was almost comically huge and slipped on another herself. She opened one of the cabinets. They were as tidy as the rest of the bathroom.“There you go, clean toothbrush.” She held it out for Vera to grab. “I’ll get you something to sleep in. Maybe a shirt, unless you want to sleep in the nude?”The younger woman stared for a while. She was sleeping over? That was new. Again. “A shirt would be great.” She finally replied.Joan left the room, allowing her to integrate the importance of that advancement. Was the Governor finally opening herself up to her? She beamed and decided to start brushing her teeth to avoid looking foolish in front of Joan.How lovesick she was.Joan completed her nighttime routine standing next to her, scolding her for not using eye-cream and SPF daily. She defended the benefits of her expensive products so convincingly that Vera joked she should be paid to promote them.She giggled when Joan forced her to turn around as she spat her toothpaste in the sink and giggled some more when she saw her flannel pyjama set.It almost felt unreal, too perfect not to be a dream. She might wake up and find out that she had been in a coma all this while.Joan’s bedroom was luxurious. Her bed was larger than she had ever imagined possible, her mattress was so comfortable she wondered how the woman found the will to get up every morning, her sheets were so silky, she almost slid right off.It appeared clear, as they settled into bed side by side, that they would not be having intercourse that night. Vera did not ask. She was exhausted anyway.Still, she turned around to face Joan. The other woman looked at her as she felt eyes burn the skin of her side profile.“Goodnight.” Vera said.“Goodnight.” She replied. Why was she staring at her so… lovingly? It made Joan want to run for the hills. That would be quite complicated since she was in her own bed, in her own home.She understood the next course of action when she caught Vera’s eyes linger on her lips. Right. That made sense. She kissed her. Chastely. Just a peck to say goodnight.Vera settled back on her side and smiled, ready to sleep.The whole ordeal felt so domestic it made Joan’s stomach churn.They felt asleep on different sides of the bed, never touching, not even in slumber, cocooned in the warmth of Joan’s perfume.
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A screeching alarm woke Vera up in a state of panic. The room was dark, not a ray of sunshine filtered through the blinds, she assumed it was still early for sunrise yet. She remembered she was in Joan’s bed as she felt her leave it.“Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when you need to.” She said quietly.Vera did, grabbing Joan’s pillow to keep her warmth and odour.The door closed softly behind the Governor.She was woken up by Joan who opened the blinds with little thought for her resting mind. She had imagined more peaceful mornings. That’s how she knew it was not a dream. Joan was still… Joan. She did not coddle.“Time to wake up now, Vera. I washed your clothes, they’re in the bathroom. There’s breakfast downstairs. We’re leaving in an hour.” She said and left.Vera left the most comfortable bed she had ever slept in and walked to the bathroom. It was spotless and freshly cleaned. Had Joan woken up before sunrise to sanitise her house and do laundry? Was that part of her morning routine?Vera could never.She found her underwear neatly folded in a pile and her shirt and pants hanging. She forwent the shower, still smelling the salts of their bath and Joan’s perfume on her skin. She wished to keep it a while longer.Vera found her way downstairs after a last trip to the bedroom that Joan had apparently cleaned silently while she got ready. How did that woman do it?The rest of the house was as spotless. It seemed Joan even had time to go shopping for fresh bread.“There you are, Vera.” She greeted her, already in uniform, her bun high and her tie perfectly straight. “Here’s some toast, coffee and fruit. I’ve some yogurt in the fridge if you’re interested.”“Oh no, thank you, I don’t really eat breakfast, actually.” Vera said, sitting down.“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Joan frowned. “That is highly unhealthy. One cannot function efficiently on an empty stomach.”Her deputy did not argue. She ate two pieces of toasts with jam and had coffee. She even grabbed an apple for later. It seemed to satisfy her boss.They left the house ten minutes later.“Do you want me to wait five minutes after you’ve left?” Vera asked as they stood in the doorway.“Whatever for?”“So, we don’t arrive at the same time. People might get suspicious.”“We often arrive at the same time. No one’s ever suspected a thing.”“Right. That’s true.”Joan opened the door to let her out.The younger woman turned to her expectantly as she had the night before. She just frowned, looking down at her.“Will you lean down so I can kiss you?” Vera asked.Joan weighed up the pros and cons, and finally arrived at a decision. She kissed Vera on the lips, chastely. Silly Vera. She could indulge her.“Have a good day, Joan.” She beamed and strutted down her driveway.The Governor rolled her eyes, amused.It became a sort of routine. Joan asked Vera over, demanding that she bring an overnight bag, which she did, giddy, giggly.They had dinner, they watched old films, classics that the older woman declared “must-watch”, they had sex, they went to bed together, and every morning, Joan woke Vera up with little delicacy and the lingering smell of her sanitizer.She hugged her goodbye and kissed her goodnight, every time they met outside of work. She even let her rest her head on her lap while she stroked her hair during their movie nights.Some nights, they did not even have sex. Joan invited her over just to spend time with her.Something had changed. It felt less like an affair more like a burgeoning relationship. Still, the Deputy asked no difficult question. She accepted what Joan gave her, overjoyed, but dared not demand more lest she scare her away.What would she do with more anyway? She neither had the experience nor the mental energy to be in a committed relationship. She valued her independence.Joan answered her texts. Sometimes. Often. And sometimes, she ignored them and never apologized for it.The messages were silly anyway.They did not need to text each other. They saw each other at work. Vera tried very hard to convince herself of the fact.The Governor was so busy.Still, she worried. What was she doing on the nights she was not with her? Who did she talk to? Where did she go? Were there other women?She grew bold enough to breach the subject at dinner on a Friday.“Are you seeing anyone else?” She asked after drinking a large gulp of red wine for courage.Joan put down her fork and stared. “Am I seeing anyone? Do you mean a therapist?” She did not leave Vera enough time to explain. “I’m not. But you should.” It was a trick. A distraction.“What?” She froze, stunned. That answer was much worse than learning about the existence of another lover of Joan’s. “You think I should see a therapist?”The older woman looked away. She did not wish to start a scene. “If you want to, I suppose you should.” She explained.“I should see a therapist?” The nerve of that woman, Vera thought.“Vera, you have… Mummy issues.” She seemed sheepish enough. Ever the diplomat.The younger woman snorted but could not deny the fact. “Let me get this straight, I should see a therapist for my mummy issues, but somehow you don’t need to?” She questioned, incredulous.“I’m a confident and accomplished woman, I don’t need therapy.” Joan insisted. “I have a master’s degree in psychology anyway; a therapist could not tell me anything I don’t already know.”“You have a master’s degree in psychology? I thought you majored in law?”“I studied both at the same time. It’s useful knowledge in our line of work.” She shrugged.“You did double master’s degree?” How was that woman such a high achiever?“Yes. It’s not that complicated.” She said, as if it were as banal as passing a driving test.“That’s kind of hot, actually.” Vera decided, her initial line of questioning forgotten.“I’m glad you find my academic success arousing, Vera.” Joan replied. She rolled her eyes, amused, as she did every time the younger woman paid her any kind of compliment.The old Vera would have blushed and stuttered. But not the new Vera. “I find everything about you arousing, Joan.” She said.She beamed as the Governor shook her head and looked down at her plate, laughing silently. She could see a faint blush on her cheeks.Complimenting Joan Ferguson was fun.Thirty minutes later, the older woman had her pressed against the kitchen island, half sitting on the countertop half leaning on her, her fingers masterly bringing her closer and closer to completion.“You’re not allowed to see anyone else, Vera.” She whispered in her ear.Had she not already been in such a delirious state, Vera would have melted as her suave voice caressed her lobe.“You’re mine.” Joan said, even closer. The vibration reverberated all over her body.“I am.” She replied, out of breath. She was. She was hers. “Are you mine?” She dared ask.The Governor’s hand stilled for a second and started moving again with more fervour, if such a feat was even feasible. She bit her trapezius muscle for her offence and was delighted to feel her come all over her fingers in a silent scream.It would bruise and fade, but the knowledge that this pain caused Vera’s orgasm would remain forever engraved in her memory.The younger woman kissed her, pulling her as close as she could as she slowly came down from her high.“Fuck Joan…” She sighed. “I love you.”Vera barely registered her own words. They had left her lips without her thinking. She only realised their weight as she felt Joan tense and take a small step back. They stared at each other, wide-eyed.The most eloquent woman she had ever met had been rendered speechless by her ill-timed love confession.Great.“Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” She admitted, looking down. It felt awkward, incredibly tense.“Right…” The Governor replied, stunned. “I…” She could not finish her sentence. She could barely even speak. Never in her life had those words been addressed to her. Not from anyone.“Do you…erm…” She hesitated. How could she diffuse the tension? “Do you want me to eat you out from behind?” She eventually said. “I’ve been meaning to ask.” She had. She thought of it often, every time Joan’s hips and thighs and bottom came into view.The older woman was left dumbfounded once again. “Okay?” She replied, not truly able to process her proposition.“Cool.” Vera smiled awkwardly.Her tongue visited parts of Joan that had never before been explored. But the novelty and the excitement were not enough for the Governor to forget about her confession.
Vera Bennett loved her? Sweet, affectionate Vera loved her.Was it some sort of beauty and the beast fantasy to her? Joan wondered.It all seemed too good to be true. Too good to last.And it was, the Governor realised as the bonfire was lit in the yard after Smith’s trial.Joan could not falter. She could not appear weak. Her authority over the prison mattered more than anything else, which is why she refused to open the door to isolation, even as she faced Vera’s terrified Bambi eyes in the monitor.The liquid fury that overtook her when her attack failed and Channing overruled her made her forget about the image as quickly as the memory had been formed.The rest of the evening panned out so fast she did not have time to reflect over her decision. She knew she had no regret anyway. She never had any. The decision she made had been carefully thought-out in a matter of seconds. Her hold on the prison was much more important than sweet, terrified Vera.“Do you want to come home with me?” She asked, once the pizza boxes were cleared and the women asleep in their unit.They were in her dimly lit office, Vera was pale, her dark circles appeared deeper than ever.“Any other day, I would gladly accept, but I’m exhausted.” She sighed.“Just to sleep, Vera.” Joan said. “I could… use the company.” She confessed, almost shamefully.“Okay.” Vera smiled softly. She could use the company too.They drove home in Joan’s car with no one to see them in the dark parking lot. The Governor sensed that her deputy was in no state to drive.It was strange, had she been in her shoes, Joan would have raged with fury, she would have done everything in her power to find the women who had held her captive and make them pay. Vera just seemed… defeated.It would not do.A good Governor could not be distracted by violence. She had to rise above it and remain one step ahead, always.Joan would make Bea Smith pay for her second betrayal, and she needed Vera as an ally to do so.When they arrived, neither of them was hungry enough to eat. They had a calming infusion which they drank silently.“Come on, let’s head upstairs.” Joan said after putting their mugs in the dishwasher.Vera followed mechanically.She let the Governor undress her. She could not find the strength to do so herself. She sighed when her bun was slowly unpinned and unravelled.The water was warmer than it usually was, making the whole room steamy. She did not mind. The slight burn to her skin anchored her to reality.It felt like watching her body from the outside.Joan started washing Vera’s hair, willing every trace of her captor away. She softly shampooed the strands, rinsed them carefully enough not to get any in her eyes, and conditioned.The Deputy barely registered. She stood, almost flush against her body, her eyes closed and her mind unresponsive. It felt divine, comforting. How could the woman who was washing her hair with such care be the same who scolded her for asking stupid questions earlier?They stepped out of the shower and put on the fluffy bathrobes that Joan liked. Vera had a designated one in the bathroom at all times. It hanged next to the other woman’s.Joan brushed her hair, as softly as she could while she sighed in pleasure.“We need to dry your hair, or else it’ll be messy in the morning.” Joan spoke quietly.“No.” Vera shook her head almost petulantly. She could not stand the racket of the hairdryer.She turned around to face Joan and embraced her. She held her tightly, her face against her robe-clad chest. She breathed in the smell of her detergent and melted in the warmth of her body. Two powerful arms embraced her back. One hand stroked her back and the other her hair.“I love you.” Vera whispered again. She had not voiced her feelings since the first incident.Joan did not say it back, but she kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.“Let’s get this over with so we can go to bed.” The older woman said after a while.She reluctantly let Vera go and prepared her toothbrush for her. The left-hand sink had been unofficially designated as Vera’s side of the bathroom. Her beauty products stood proudly on the shelves.She unenergetically brushed her teeth, barely comprehending the movements that her muscle memory ordered.She did not find the strength to apply face-cream, and Joan found it to be an outrage, so she applied it for her carefully, reminding her of the importance of hydration.She was given one of Joan’s shirts that she eventually managed to get over her head.They went to bed soon after.For the first time, the Governor crossed the invisible line between them on the mattress and held Vera’s back against her front. She embraced her tightly.The younger woman started crying in her arms and she kept holding her until the sobs shaking her body eventually died down and slumber claimed her.Joan would never admit that she had needed the closeness as much as her deputy had that night.She felt her control slip, her hold over the prison weaken. She promised herself she would prevail. No matter the price.
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Joan opened the door to Vera holding an overnight bag and a plate of homemade cupcakes.“Sorry it took so long, the contractor was late.” She said, beaming.The older woman leaned down to peck her on the mouth and took her plate, her bag and her coat as she removed her shoes and put on her slippers.“Incompetence.” She tsked. “Do you need the contact of a more reliable worker?” She knew people. Talented people. People who could redo one’s patio and bury a body underneath with no questions asked.“No, it’s fine, it happens, he just got delayed on another site.” Vera replied, following her into the house. It was the fourth night in a row she was sleeping over. Joan kept asking her to come back since the riot. She tried not to read too much into it.“You’re much too lenient.” The Governor groaned. “Did he quote you a fair price?”“Yes, he did. And he said it was okay to remove the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. It’s not loadbearing or anything.”“Good. That’s good. Modern, more natural light. Great for the value of the house.”“Yeah, I think so too.” Vera smiled and walked upstairs to unpack her bag in the bathroom. She needed to hang her clothes. They were freshly ironed. It was almost part of her routine now: she no longer needed Joan’s permission to do so. It felt domestic.She walked down the stairs to the kitchen where the older woman was setting different ingredients down on the counter. They kept cooking together.“This is nice.” She said, touching Joan’s mesh top from behind. “The tank top underneath is cute but just a bra would have looked hot.” She added to tease her.“I’m a fifty-year old woman, no one wants to see that.” Joan replied.“I do and considering it’s only the two of us tonight…” She giggled, her hand found her way underneath the top.“Alright, Vera. Come on, get to work. I need my assistant.” The Governor replied.She unfolded the apron reserved for Vera and helped her slip it on and tie it. She motioned for her to peel and cut the vegetables on the kitchen island.“Are we testing the new waterproof mascara?” The younger woman joked as she grabbed two onions.“I suppose we are.” Joan smiled.They peeled and chopped and simmered. As they did every time Vera came over for dinner.“Do you know what a strap-on is, Vera?” Joan asked as she stirred her sauce.Her deputy’s head shot up from her chopping, eyes wide. “Yes please.” She beamed enthusiastically.“I haven’t offered anything.” She replied, confused.“Okay, please I would love it if you fucked me with a strap-on. And it would also be an honour to fuck you with it.” Vera smiled. Her eyes were shining with excitement and her cheeks were slightly pinking.“Hm…” Joan considered her for a moment. “I’ll be the one doing the fucking.” She finally decided. The offer was tempting but it felt too soon. Maybe someday.“Brilliant. We should totally forget about dinner.” Vera said, almost vibrating with anticipation.“No we’re not. We’re having dinner and then you’ll be getting fucked.” The Governor said with a pointed look. It would not taste as good reheated.“Damn… You tease.”“Anticipation makes everything so much better.”Vera pouted. “Well… Let’s get chopping now!”Dinner was not a silent affair but the pace at which the younger woman was eating rendered it quite difficult to hold a conversation. She just couldn’t wait for what would come next. She kept picturing it as she watched Joan sitting across from her. She had to close her legs, looking for some relief in the friction of her thighs.“You’re off tomorrow, aren’t you?” Vera asked. Joan was not halfway done with her plate.“I was supposed to work but the club asked me to fill in for a competition in Melbourne last minute. The team would have been disqualified otherwise.”“Oh fencing competition?” She smiled.“Yes.” Joan did not appear overjoyed at the prospect.“How are the odds? Think you’ll win?” She teased.“I’d better, otherwise we’ll all be having a bad day.” The older woman replied with a pointed look.“Sore loser, are you?” Vera joked. It was a well-known fact: their first and only game of chess had been a disaster. Joan had taken the competition so seriously she had glared at Vera the entire time.“I fight to win.” She said biting a piece of meat from her fork forcefully.“Yeah… Should’ve expected that. Will you beat up the winner in a dark alley if you lose?” She giggled.Joan considered the idea. “I might. So, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
Vera giggled some more. She could see the red flags, the warning signs. She just chose to ignore them.They finished their dinner and Joan forced Vera to eat one of the cupcakes she had brought over.“I can barely fit in my jeans anymore. Can you see what you’ve done to me?” She complained.“Have I… shrunk your clothes?” The Governor frowned.“No, you’re making me eat dinner and breakfast and I’m gaining weight.”“If you’re gaining weight eating healthy dinners and breakfasts, it means your body naturally needed to gain that weight.” She pointed her cupcake at her. There was the lecture on healthy eating.Vera refrained from rolling her eyes. “I suppose. Still a pain. I like my jeans.”“They do suit you quite well.” Joan contemplated.“You should see me out of them.” She winked ostensibly.And finally, dinner ended. Dished were set in the dishwasher, the table was cleared. Vera was almost bouncing with excitement.“So where’s that strap-on you’re telling me about.” She said, standing much closer to Joan than necessary, sneaking her hands down her top. That mesh top WAS a great choice.The older woman laughed breathily and picked her up to sit her on the kitchen island. It was much easier to kiss her there. Their height difference was an issue that her neck and back angrily reminded her of frequently.They wasted no time with languish kissing, or teasing, or undressing. They made quick work of their clothes, and their hands and mouths obediently worked. Soon, they were gasping in their underwear in the middle of Joan’s kitchen.She decided enough was enough and led Vera upstairs. Her bedroom was as inviting as ever. The younger woman thought the comfort of her bed made sex ever better somehow. Perhaps it was the knowledge that Joan welcomed her in her inner sanctuary that made their connexion so much deeper.“You need to be wet enough for this.” Joan whispered in her ear. “But I have a feeling that won’t be an issue.”Her hand slipped under her knickers and found her drenched centre.Vera moaned. “I’m so wet, you made me wait until after dinner it was unbearable.” She sighed.Joan laughed, kissing her neck. She made her come with her fingers in a matter of minutes. Anticipation did make everything better, she smiled when Vera held onto her for support, her blunt fingernails digging into her skin.They kissed again, more tenderly and the older woman walked out of the room and into the bathroom. She washed her strap-on, just in case bacteria had developed in storage. Better safe than sorry. Joan put it on, tightly, making sure the leather straps were correctly placed. The glass dildo was unrealistic, plain, just a pointed cylinder.She walked back into the room, gloriously naked apart from the toy. Vera could have giggled at the strangeness of the sight, but she was too aroused to care. She all but crawled to the edge of the bed to meet Joan halfway.“Hi.” She beamed from the bed. The older woman looked down at her face that barely reached her midriff as she remained on all four. She stared at the toy hungrily and Joan pondered whether she should ask her to suck it.She did not.Maybe another time.Instead, she grabbed Vera’s face and kissed her again, with all her might.“Let me grab some lubricant.” She said, letting her go.“I don’t think we need lube.” Vera giggled.“Let’s use some just in case.” She knew how inexperienced Vera was, no matter how eager she appeared. Her lone experience with that oaf of a man had been deeply unsettling.“Come.” Joan said. She had the other woman lay on her back and settled between her legs. She would be soft, just so she could get used to it. The dildo was not oversized.Vera grabbed her hips almost impatiently, though her eyes shone with shy apprehension. Joan kissed it away and teased her centre with the head of the toy until Vera’s hips moved to meet hers.“Please.” She whispered.Joan obliged, slowly, almost excruciatingly so.It felt lovely, easy, comforting, diametrically opposed to her two encounters with Fletcher. It felt like Joan cared for her pleasure over anything else. Which she did. Vera knew she did.She gasped when she felt the dildo move back and forth. It was not painful, just different. Much different to Joan’s fingers and tongue. It hit spots inside her she never realised existed.“Touch yourself.” The older woman ordered in her ear.She obeyed. The torturous rhythm and her own stimulation of her clit had her pant and moan and shudder.“Be a good girl and come for me.” Joan whispered. She pinched her right nipple and bit her left shoulder and smiled as Vera reached her climax.She wished she could feel it around the toy. She wished the strap were part of her, though she almost believed it was, with the way it teased her own clit with each movement. She could come just from fucking Vera, she was sure.“Ride me.” She said when her deputy’s breath quietened.“I don’t think I can go again.” Vera replied.“Yes, you can. I believe in you.” She made her switch places, now laying on her back as the younger woman straddled her.She watched as Vera took all her length inside once again, gasping as she felt it hit new depth of her.She moved up and down and then decided to move back and forth instead. It felt better, it hit her where her entrance met her clit. Joan delighted in that decision as she base of the dildo stimulated her own clit.“Good, good, keep going. Fuck me.” She breathed, gripping her hips to give her movements more amplitude.“Does that feel good for you?” Vera asked, ever the good pupil.“Yes.” Joan hissed.It egged her deputy on. She moved faster and teased Joan’s nipples mercilessly. She knew how much she loved to feel them pinched.“You’re close, aren’t you?” She asked again. The older woman nodded. “God, I bet I could come watching you come.” She groaned.The Governor aided her in testing her hypothesis. One of her hands left her hip and settled on her clit to circle it with her thumb.Joan came as Vera’s pace quickened, her eyes closed, her mouth opened, her nails digging into Vera’s soft skin, and Vera followed her, laughing with how surreal, how intimate it felt, coming at the same time as Joan. It was symbiotic, almost.It was love, she realised, again. Love that Joan might also feel for her though she would never tell her.“I told you you could go again.” The older woman smiled. Vera had collapsed on top of her, stroking her chest.“I think you can, too.” The deputy smiled when no opposition was heard. “I want you on top of me, possibly riding my face.”“That can be arranged.” Joan said. “On your back.” Her partner obeyed and stared as she unstrapped her toy and straddled her face. That’s what she wanted. “Pinch me if you’re having trouble breathing, I don’t want to suffocate you.” She warned her.“It would be an honour to be suffocated to death by you.” Vera giggled.“Okay, Vera.” She rolled her eyes, amused. With her hands on the headboard for support, she let the younger woman feast on her, eyes closing and head rolling back when she felt her tongue inside her and her nose on her clit.Joan came again, her thighs almost painfully cramping in an effort not to suffocate Vera. She cursed, swore like a sailor and collapsed next to the brunette.Vera looked proud, bright-eyed and in love. And for the first time since their affair had started, the prospect did not terrify Joan.It felt easy, their relationship. However it could be called. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Vera stayed, Vera shared, Vera chose her, Vera respected her boundaries.For the first time in decades, she felt comfortable enough to appear vulnerable.It could be something more, something that did not have to stay behind closed doors.She thought about a date to the opera. It would be perfect, she decided. And Vera would be hers. Officially. Publicly. Just not at work.
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When one reaches the top, the only way is down. She had told Franky Doyle so, but had never imagined it could be true for her.A morning cough was the omen of her downfall. She had noticed it, she always noticed a cough, but she had not realised how much it would matter.She heard it from the bedroom when Vera was getting ready in the bathroom three weeks after the riot. She coughed and Joan stripped the bed she had just made. She would need to sanitize the entire house.It was an inconvenient sign of weakness from her lover, one she could not tolerate.The younger woman did not meet her eyes at the breakfast table. She remained quiet. Joan imagined it was out of shame.She would realise much later how wrong she was.“You should go home, see a doctor.” She said.“No, I’m fine, it’s just a cold. I have too much to do at work.” Vera protested coldly. She was upset and refused to confront Joan unprepared.“I don’t want my staff walking around contaminating colleagues and inmates.” Joan crossed her arms and stepped away from her.“I’ll be careful, it’s fine.” She shrugged. Paracetamol would get her through the day. She once worked with the flu for two days, a mere cold would not incapacitate her.The Governor refused to kiss her on her way out, in fact, she refused to stand close to her altogether. She tried and failed not to take it personally. It was impossible not to, after what she had heard during the night.It’s how it was: she would never come between Joan and her OCD. She had always known it. But she had not realised another woman would come between them too.It hurt like hell, being reminded of how little Joan cared for her. Just when she had started to believe she might love her too.A simple cough put an end to weeks of sleepovers and dinners and embraces and kisses goodbye.That is how Vera interpreted her rejection and her nightly whispers.How ill-timed, Joan thought, just when she had bought tickets to her favourite opera for the following Saturday. It would have been their first official outing. She had decided it was time: dinner and a show, in public. They risked running into opera-enthusiasts with whom Joan had a cordial relationship but no one from Wentworth.It would have been perfect.And now it was ruined.Her castle crumbled.The illness.The visits to Fletcher.The lies.Vera had betrayed her. Sweet Vera who claimed she loved her was a snake masquerading as a mouse.It infuriated her. She could barely look the younger in the face without boiling with rage.How could she?“It’s not that you visited Fletcher that irks me, it’s that you purposefully lied about it.” She said in a dangerously quiet voice.Her deputy’s eyes widened, her pale face paled further, her irritated nostrils flared. “I just…” She started.“You just…?” She repeated, cruelly mocking her inability to form a coherent sentence. “I must say this is so disappointing, Vera.”“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”“I think my feelings would have been able to handle it just fine.”The younger woman rolled her eyes, a gesture that did not go unnoticed.“You know how you are… If you’d heard that I was visiting Fletch, you’d have got angry.”“So you’re caught lying, and to defend yourself, you just choose to launch an attack on my character? I didn’t even ask about Fletch, you’re the one who brought the matter up.” She said Fletch with so much disgust in her voice it made Vera’s blood boil.“It was stupid, I shouldn’t have lied but I did it because I didn’t think there was another solution.” She crossed her arms defensively.“I trusted you, Vera. I trusted that you wouldn’t betray me.”“I didn’t betray you, I just visited a friend in the hospital!” She said. Her frustration was palpable. Why was Joan being so unreasonable?“A friend?”“A friend.” She continued.“I wonder, Vera, where does your loyalty lie?” The question sounded like a test, one of those deadly riddles.“With you, Joan. Always with you. You know that. I told you that. I love you.” She stepped closer to the desk, planting her eyes in Joan’s, willing her to believe her. She could fix this. She needed to fix this. She missed her every second of every day; most nights she could hardly breathe, longing to feel her warm body next to hers.The older woman brushed the admission away. “It just seems I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth anymore.”Vera remained silent, calmly boiling with rage as the Governor burnt the bridges she was willing to fix.“Who’s Jianna?” She eventually asked. Let’s cause a scene. Let’s give the woman a taste of her own medicine. She wanted to see jealous? She wanted to see possessive? She would.The name hit Joan like a truck. She did not answer, she just stared at her deputy, stunned.“You said her name in your sleep last time I slept over.” She explained. “Who is she?”The Governor’s neutral expression turned into a twisted fury. “Get out.” She said.Vera did not argue. She did not want to be on the receiving end of that raging volcano.
It was never the same from then on. They were professional, cold, polite, cordial. But they shared no smile, no joke, no tenderness, as if they had never been anything more than the Governor and her Deputy.How strange that someone one used to know so deeply, so tenderly could become a stranger one could no longer understand overnight.It broke both their hearts, though Vera believed there was nothing under Joan’s ribs that could be broken.She heard Linda’s admission. She heard Channing’s confirmation. And it became all too clear: Joan had never cared about her.Her grief slowly turned to fury. How stupid she had been, falling for Joan, hoping she might love her back. How foolish she felt, when she realised she had made a caring version of her up inside her head. Joan had never hidden her intentions, she had never pretended to love her. She had taken what she wanted and left her to mourn her departure.She grew to resent her. Her sole presence infuriated her. She avoided her in the prison, missed as many staff briefings as she could get away with.Until one day, the day where she had to deliver a fish to Joan’s office.The Governor was rattled by her decision to post Fletcher in general. She was all the more bothered that she had not consulted her first.“What’s this tension I can sense?” She asked.And Vera refrained from rolling her eyes. Finally, the socially inept mess picked up on her resentment.“Dinner. Tonight. My house. Seven. Bring an overnight bag.” She decided.“What?” Her deputy just stared. She had not been invited over for weeks, not since the first signs of her Hepatitis C contamination. Did Joan truly believe she would jump into bed with her after everything?“What, you have other plans?” She almost snorted at the thought.Vera shook her head, almost imperceptibly. It reminded her of how lonely she had been, but lonely was better than being Joan’s dog.“That’s it.” Joan dismissed her.The younger woman left her office and walked back to the staff room. What had just happened?Still, she went.She walked up to Joan’s front-door at the agreed-upon time, well, demanded-upon, rather. She made an effort to look as attractive as she could. She even shaved, which she would never admit to anyone; but she brought no overnight bag with her.She might let herself be convinced to have sex with Joan, but she refused to keep up the charade by sharing a bed with her. She hated the woman, for God’s sake!The Governor made a note of it when she arrived. She frowned but did not mention it.It was fine. Vera could go home after dinner.It did not disappoint her.She was fine with having her bed all to herself.She did not even feel lonely in her empty house.She was happy about it, actually. She prided herself on her independence.She had not carefully planned the dinner hoping to fix her partnership with Vera. And she had absolutely not purposefully chosen to wear her mesh top that Vera liked so much to seduce her back into her life.“You know I value our relationship. I am not one to get close to people.” She said in the middle of dinner. She struggled to find the appropriate words.Here she was confessing. She wanted Vera to know that she needed her, that whatever misunderstanding had hindered their partnership could be resolved and that they could go back to being… close.She was being sincere, for the first time in decades.“What are you saying, Joan?” Vera asked, rudely interrupting her.It took Joan aback.“The state of our relationship saddens me.” She admitted.The younger woman snorted. “You made it happen, Joan. It’s your fault.”“I…” Joan frowned. “I fail to see how that could be true.”“You’re the one who sent me away and abandoned me when I was sick. You’re the one who ignored me.” She almost spat. “You’re the one who wouldn’t open the door.”“What are you talking about?” She asked, frowning some more.“During the riot, I had a needle to my throat, and you refused to open the door to isolation.”Joan drank a large gulp of her wine glass. “I don’t know what you mean.” She lied.“I don’t understand you, Joan.” She laughed ironically.“You know the prison comes first.” Joan said.“I don’t care about the prison, Joan. It has nothing to do with the prison. You washed my hair, you held me as I cried myself to sleep knowing that hours before you’d refused to open the door. And you said nothing. I stayed over for days after that and you pretended nothing happened. I don’t even think I slept home from more than two nights in the weeks following the riot.”“It’s much more complicated than that.”“It’s really not. How could you, Joan?”“There was no other way.”“I could have died, Joan. And you didn’t care enough to stop them.”“They wouldn’t have killed you. They were bluffing.”“You were willing to take that bet my life over it, and hours after you had me sleep in your bed knowing you didn’t give a shit about me.”“No, that’s not true. I did.” She said, honestly. “I still do, Vera.” She reached for her hand.Vera laughed. She stared at their joined hands. “No, I don’t think you do. I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth anymore.” She echoed her words from their last disagreement.She frowned. “Vera, I do care.” How could she make her understand? “I…” She started, almost trembling. “I love you.”Vera’s laugh turned into a sob. How she had longed to hear those words. “Liar.” She whispered.“I do.” She held her hand tighter. How could she fix them?“They stabbed me with a needle.” Vera said. “I have Hepatitis C.”She stared at Joan. A test of her own. How the tables had turned. She realised she would forgive her for everything if she just supported her, if she just told her she loved her again even with her Hep C contamination.The older woman tensed, her eyes dropping to their joined hands. A wave of anxiety hit her, pure acid dread pulsing in her veins. The thought of the infection made her stomach churn.She tried to resist, she tried to fight it, but her torturous condition was stronger than her own will.She removed her hand. She thought she might suffocate if she left it there. And she wiped it on her napkin.She could not have done anything worse. But trapped between her affection for Vera and her own brain, she would always choose her brain.Her brain would never leave her.But Vera had, Vera was about to, again.Her sweet little mouse grew furious.“Fuck you, Joan.” She said, getting up. How foolish she had been, to hope that they could be fixed.Vera walked as calmly as she could to the door and left without another word.Her house turned quiet once more. And it would remain so forevermore.The Governor did what she did best: she cleaned, sanitized. She removed all traces of Vera from her home.She cleared the bathroom of her products, she threw her slippers in the trash, she found the DVDs of the films she liked and hurled them across the sitting-room.It felt atrocious, as if a part of her had been ripped off her body.Though tense in the last few months, Joan had hoped that their relationship could be saved.But not anymore. Vera had made it clear now.They were done. They were over.Where Vera felt fury, Joan felt emptiness, disappointment, and loss.Not even an unruly inmate or a worthy adversary could distract her from how monotonous her life had become.How could she let it happen?Her father was right, emotion was weakness.The emotions she felt for Vera and Doreen had proven it true once again.She imagined she was not destined for companionship. How stupid of her to think she could rewrite the unavoidable prophecy of her life.She felt her deputy boil. Ever the professional though, she still looked for her approval in her work.One thing had not changed. It brought her comfort.Until it did not. Until the final domino of her sanity fell and left her raw.The plastered pictures of Jianna on her walls felt like a hundred stabs through the remaining pieces of her heart but knowing Vera was behind it all ripped her apart.Her rage was such she could have killed her Deputy with her bare hands as the rest of their colleagues watched in horror.She would ruin her. That was a promise.The younger woman seemed confused as she waved the picture she had salvaged from her walls.“I will annihilate you.” She promised.“You will what?” Vera asked, incredulous. She examined her as if she were insane.“I trusted you… I mentored you…” She said, on a rampage.“What are you accusing me of?” Her deputy questioned again. Sure, she had been writing up a report for the board about the Governor’s behaviour but what did that have to do with the picture she was waving?“Don’t pretend to be innocent. It does not become you.” Joan spat.Vera looked closely at the photograph. “Is that Jianna?” She asked. The older woman’s fury increased tenfold. “Was she… a prisoner?” She frowned. The pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together. “Oh my god, you insane woman, you had an affair with a prisoner, and you think I’m trying to use that against you?” She turned to her, as distraught as she was appalled.Joan’s nostrils flared but she remained unmoving. Her rage would get the best of her soon if Vera did not leave her office.The younger woman laughed. “Is that why you were so close to Doreen? She reminded you of her, didn’t she?” She asked, her eyes wide. “It’s always been about her, hasn’t it?”Joan stared some more and slapped her with all her might.Vera stood in shock, unsettled by the force of the blow. It would leave a mark; her neck would hurt for some time. “I can’t believe I ever loved you.” She said. “I can’t believe I ever thought you were the greatest thing on Earth.”Joan did not react. She needed to remain in control lest Vera report her misconduct to the board. A slap could be forgiven but a further act of violence would not.“You make me sick. I can’t wait for the day you’re removed from your position.” The deputy continued.She stared at her superior’s unreadable face. She wanted a reaction, she wanted anger. Her fury was terrifying but so addicting. How lovely it felt, to realise that behind her statuesque armour, Joan had feelings just like the rest of them lowly humans.“Oh, you’re ignoring me now?” She snorted. “Amazing.”She started walking towards the door. Silence was as good as a dismissal. Before leaving the office, she turned to Joan.“You broke my fucking heart, Joan.” She said, her throat painfully constricted. “But I did not have anything to do with this picture.” She added before leaving. The Governor did not believe her. She vowed to ruin Vera Bennett.You broke my fucking heart, Joan did not say. Let the world believe she had none to break.
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Vera knew that she was about to die. Ann had overpowered her and she could do nothing to stop her. She laid powerless as black dots gradually blurred her vision.
She had survived riots, a fire, a siege, a psychopath, violent inmates and a bomb. And now, she was about to die at the hands of her friend. How silly she felt, being betrayed by yet another person she loved.But suddenly the weight on top of her disappeared, almost out of thin air. It took Vera a moment to regain the consciousness she had almost lost. Her surroundings were fuzzy, almost like an echo of reality.And then she saw her: all tall, and proud, and determined, and furious. She saw Joan Ferguson snap Ann’s neck and she heard her friend’s lifeless body hit the ground.Vera could only watch as she knelt over her, letting her hair touch her skin. She shook with terror and adrenaline. Was she next? Was Joan there to finish the job?“Do you think you can walk?” The prisoner asked instead.Her eyes widened. “What?” She asked, dumbfounded.“We need to get you out, the foundations of the building have taken a hit, it could crumble at any moment.” Joan said, reaching for her.“You’re getting me out of here?” Vera asked again.“Obviously.” The older woman shrugged. She inspected her, perhaps she hit her head in the commotion.“You’re not here to kill me?”Now she started frowning. “Why would I kill you?”“Why would you help me?” Vera questioned again. Was it a trap?Joan paused and understood. Her change of heart might be hard to fathom. “Why did you save me in the yard?” She asked to make sure her former mentee would comply.It had the desired effect. “I can walk, I think.” Vera said. She would not meet her gaze.Joan carefully helped her up and supported her as they left the building. She only let go of Vera once they were several yards away from harm. Ahead of them shone the lights of the police cars and ambulances.They remained unmoving, almost suspended in time, at the end of the world. The explosion almost felt like a small apocalypse, tearing everything in its wake, burning years of struggles and memories. They stood shoulder to shoulder contemplating the remnants of the prison. Time had aged them, but not as much as the anxiety of their conditions.The inmate and the industry manager. Former governors who could not let Wentworth go.Or was it just each other they could not leave?“Thank you.” The younger woman sighed. For the first time in years, her eyes held no spite or resentment as they looked at Joan.“I couldn’t let you die.” She replied.“Why not?” Vera asked.“You asked me why I confessed and pled guilty in court. I wasn’t sure then, but I am now.” She grabbed Vera’s hand. The younger woman stared as she stroked hers with her thumb.“Tell me why.” She insisted, though she knew the answer. It felt unbelievable, like she was being manipulated somehow.Deep down, she understood Joan. She saw her for who she was, better than anyone. She realised Joan had loved her, in her own selfish, gauche way before the betrayals. But not in the way she wanted. Not in the way she needed.“I told you once and you didn’t believe me. And I tried telling you as Kath Maxwell and you thought I was pretending.” Joan said.“Can you blame me?” She replied, frowning.“I suppose I can’t. But it still hurt.” Joan sighed. “I… I don’t know how to love very well, but I did. I tried. I guess I wasn’t… Wired for it.”“You could have told me. You could have talked to me.” Vera insisted, she squeezed her hand. It could have been so different. The Governor and her Deputy, the way they were supposed to be.“I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.” Joan admitted.“Why are you telling me now?” She sighed.The inmate looked around, to the crumbled building, to the police and ambulance lights, and to the path to freedom. “Closure.”“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Vera asked. Her throat tightened at the idea of her departure. She should be feeling relieved, she knew she should.“Go with the others. They need you there.” Joan dismissed her question. Were she caught, it would not be perjury if Vera did not know of her intentions.“Will you come with me?” The younger woman insisted again. She felt like her old self: the one who would all but beg Joan for attention, who would have done anything not to be abandoned by the Governor.“Just go.” Joan said. “I’ll walk right behind you, but you’re not allowed to turn around.” She squeezed her hand again. What was one more lie? “I’m sorry, for everything.” She added and brought their joint hands to her lips to kiss Vera’s.“I’m sorry, too.” She smiled tearily.It did not erase their history. It did not right any wrong.“You be happy, Vera Bennett.” She said. “And stop loving the wrong people.”The younger woman shook her head, almost laughing.Joan dropped her hand again, this time she did not rush to wipe it on a napkin. She longed to feel the ghost of Vera’s skin on hers for as long as possible.The younger woman stared, torn between her fading hatred and her incessant yearning for Joan. Still, she found the will to turn around, her shoulders lighter than they had ever felt since Kath Maxwell’s appearance in the hospital.She walked toward the lights, slowly.Vera tried, she did. She tried her best to follow Joan’s instructions. But how could she, now that she knew she would never see her again.So Vera stopped and turned around to watch her leave. She found Joan in the same position, twenty yards away from her.Time froze as they stared at each other. A decision was to be made.Vera could not leave Grace behind.Joan could not follow her to Hell.With one last nod, they turned around and walked in opposite directions.