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You hear it drop. You see it taint the forest floor red. Except it wasn't tainting — it was too small, too unnoticeable, too quiet.Too irrelevant of a blood drop to affect the Leaf's restless, chaotic, already too dirtied battleground.But you had watched its path. You had seen it leave the boy's eye, fruit of a sudden cut, the liquid result of a hefty kunai. Or maybe a small kunai, carried by a hefty hand. A hefty warrior. A hefty anger.Why was he so angry? You couldn't know. The fiery desires other ninjas seemed to be filled with had never taken over you, not even in the slightest. Your body was, at the very least, humid and damp from the inside. It turned flames into smoke before it could reach your core. If for your well being or sad demise, you still weren't sure.But as you watched the blood leak from his exploded eye, travelling down his arm until it left his fingers in a hopeful jump, your chest tightened. If your limbs weren't paralyzed in fear, you would've grabbed your shirt in an attempt to control the aching. Your body's structure collapsed from within. Your ribs weighed down on your lungs, hardening your breath. Your vision had to retake its path, retrace its way, so you could be sure. It left the bloody grass, finding, once again, the now unmoving hand, the crimeless arm and, around the wrist, the friendship bracelet. A simple token for an overtaking, web-weaving relationship that had formed in your training days. You remember making the bracelet: you collected flowers, sticks and pieces of fabric to award your two team members in a common afternoon. You gave it to them smiling. The path of a shinobi to you, then, was as light as the sun rays traversing a glass window.But, now, as the dirt in the forest stung the cuts in your leg, as you laid on your knees, the only light shining was reflected onto the blade. The blade that had broken through your team member's skull. The blade that was handled by a similar boy, with a similar arm, and a similar bracelet wrapped around his wrist. But this boy was not as unmoving. Not as blameless.He took the blade out of the head in a forceful swing. The innocent boy's body fell down in a thump.The other one turned toward you.It was such a shame you still recognized himself in his eyes.If only he had been overtaken by something else."What are you doing, Kira?" you hear yourself say. It starts without any remarkable tone, completely devoid of strength. But as you ask the sentence, it imprints itself into your brain. You found you, the real you, not your instincts, wondering the same thing: what had happened? The second time you said it, the anger started creeping in. "What are you doing?"But your change in tone did not affect Kira. He showed the same grace the forest around him made home to. The same stillness."I'm not doing anything," he said.And maybe it was the familiarity of his voice. Maybe it was his gray hair, and his gray eyes, and the shape of his face which was so comforting to you. Maybe it was the fact he was your leader, and that he didn't like lying, and that he had confessed to you, in a quiet night, he wasn't sure if he could be a great shinobi because of it. Maybe it was because, that night, it was the first time you felt somebody understood you. The three of you, you believed, would achieve greatness, and succeed as ninjas, with the same clear heart and the inability to corrupt all that you had in the name of victory. Maybe because it was Kira, and you had trained yourself to move at the speed he dictated. To attack your enemies at his word. To change your will as he planned.Or maybe it was due to your nature. To the metaphorical water filling your insides. Maybe because you started feeling angry, but that anger didn't find place, couldn't keep burning, didn't have fuel. Maybe because watered fire turns to smoke, and smoke can not be grabbed. Maybe because you were too hurt to be awake, and too clouded to see correctly.Maybe, maybe...But you believed him.How had he gotten hurt, anyway?"We have to... We have to take him somewhere safe," you said, squinting your eyes. His body was thrown on the ground. His bones shattered to pieces. "We have to take him somewhere we can heal him."You were on a mission, after all. Taking an exam. The other teams couldn't take your scroll.You touched the pocket on your left thigh and felt relief upon sensing the cylindrical structure.You made to get up, but putting force on your feet made another place altogether, upper in your back, ache in a dull pain. Had you hurt your spine? It wasn't possible. Your team hadn't met other students since last night.Ignoring the aching, you limped toward the body on the ground. "Here, Kira, help me carry him. I think still have one of my aunt's healing paste. He'll wake up in no time. We don't have to worry."Kira watched, hands crossed behind his back, as you made your way. "Mhm? Ah, yes," he started, a different twinkle in his eyes. "It's a bit dangerous so out in the open."You didn't give him a response, as it was obvious. Kneeling down beside your team member, you took his hair out of his forehead, in a gentle sweep... Ignoring the flesh, ignoring the cuts, ignoring the blood, ignoring the hole in the place of his eye. You saw him as you had always seen him: the youngest member, your little cousin, Kai. After all, his cheeks were still round and soft, and his clothes still smelled like the firewood your village burned before you both had travelled for the exams. Winter was soon to come, and Kai had always felt cold really easily.Thinking of it, you took off your jacket and placed on top of him. You weren't as big as him, but it would suffice until you both went home. "I'll take care of you," you whispered, and the grass around stopped moving. You couldn't hear the cicadas screaming, neither were you surrounded by so many shadows anymore. It shone bright around you, and you started feeling like everything was a dream. You would wake up soon. You would be in your bed and the chuunin exam would be in a few days. You would meet your two best friends in an open field, and train until your legs trembled from the exhaustion, until your stomach ached from the laughter. You always laughed when they were with you. Regardless of the pain, regardless of the training, regardless of your fate. It was what you did: you fought fate. This time, too. You would wake up soon, you knew. They would still be with you. Alive. Everything would go back to what it was, and the crippling cold you felt in your fingertips would not last. It would go away. It would go... Everything... Everything... Would go....Teardrops wet your hand. Your teardrops.You were sobbing.It wasn't peace that had dulled the sound of the cicadas. It wasn't the premise of waking up. It was your aching, your cry. Your screams.Your fingers grabbed onto Kai's arms until your knuckles were white."No...!" you tried saying, but your throat got constricted. "My... My Kai..." you could only think you said it. You could only think.Your head fell down to his torso, as your screams got louder. The coldness of his body came to you as a shock and it almost made you get up again. How soon did a soul leave its corpse?How long had you been knelt down, watching him bleed?You couldn't ponder about the answer. As soon as your cries got louder, something twitched inside Kira. It was one thing to deal with you, and it was another to deal with experienced ninjas. You both were still in the forest, surrounded by shinobis eager to destroy anything that moved. He had to act fast.His kunai came down as heavy rain pounding over earth. The slash on your back took away the breath you struggled to gather in the first place.It torn your clothes apart, burning your skin tissue, showering your back with dark blood.And yet…"Shit," he cussed.You knew that movement well. You had watched him train it endlessly, claiming it to be his path to victory. It was a technique exclusive to his clan. Something only shinobis with an exact knowledge of bone placement could attempt."Were you trying to paralyze me?" you hissed, already away from the body, away from the murderer. You had jerked your body back by instinct, but proved his failure in consequence.Was he, too, losing control? It wasn't like Kira to make mistakes."I don't want you to be hard to kill," he calmly stated, ever so honest.Although, at that point, you already had an idea of what was happening, his rational honesty was enough of a punch to take you out of the delusional state.The fog disappeared.Kira had killed Kai.And you had watched it.Tears started prickling your eyes again. "How could you do it?"Kira stopped moving, dropping his arms to his side. He tilted his head in confusion."Well," he started, "how could you have let me?"Your eyes widened. His words resonated around you like still water moving at the sound of a gong.You jumped before you could recognize your own movements, taking a kunai out of your pocket, screaming in pain of what you had heard. You aimed for his head.But you weren’t quick enough.You had never been.Kira dodged with ease, not making any unnecessary movements. Barely acknowledging you.You let out another scream, turning to try and slash him again. He only moved his shoulders away.“Why are you mad, little sister? I am just speaking the truth.” You tried hitting him again, but he held your arm in place. He lowered his voice, “you just… stayed there.”A tear ran down your hot cheek. “I am not your sister,” you hissed, pulling your arm back, already crouching down so you could try your luck with hitting his thigh instead. But, as you reached his knee, he kicked your chin.You were thrown back, the wind moving with you.“Do not take the title back,” he stated.Soon enough, you were back on your feet, running in his direction once again. As it was practice in your village, you were trained to be a medical-nin. You were not skilled in combat. In fact, you weren’t expected to be at the fore front of any fight. Being from your grandmother’s line, which excelled in producing potions, neither your family nor you mastered anything but taijutsu — and, even then, “mastering” only meant “knowing it enough to use it”. Your only chance of harming Kira was embedded in your limbs, reliant on your speed and strength.That was why, there, standing in front of the man who killed your cousin, you damned your blood and your name.There was no way you were winning that fight.Not against him.As soon as you neared him again, he punched you before you could do anything.“I liked when you insisted on calling me brother before,” Kira spoke again, his necklace swaying from side to side. “You tried to make me feel like I was family, no? You made sure I didn’t feel excluded being in a team with your and your cousin. I am not a Hoki, after all.”No, there was no winning this fight.Not when he had known you for so long. Not when he had taught you how to stand in combat. Not when he had gifted you the very own kunai you now tried to slash him with.The walls broke down, and despair started flooding your lungs.You and the damned water inside your heart.You couldn’t even gather enough hatred to kill him.“Why are you doing this, Kira?” you asked, more to yourself than to him. Still on the ground, you tried grabbing the dirt under you for leveling. You fought against the stone in your throat. “We were supposed to win this together, become shinobis together, to fight together,” you screamed the last part, throwing the dirt you gathered in a pathetic attempt of… something. You whispered, “what did Kai do to deserve this?”No, you had hatred enough alright.You just didn’t have the strength. Or the skills. Or a way out.Or hope, anymore.As his figure loomed over you, his shadow only getting bigger against the rays of the setting sun, your heart dropped to your stomach.You couldn’t do anything.It was the end.Kira looked at you, his eyes unwavering, as they tended to be. He seemed to analyse your giving up. “Dear sister. You have always been so… kind.”The compliment stung and you couldn’t bear it anymore.You were about to close your eyes, begging him to end it at once, when you felt something hit your hand. Not something. A lot of somethings. A lot of small somethings. You looked at it. Sand.It was sand.You watched as Kira’s eyes widened. You turned to see what he saw.Standing proud, with blood-like hair and piercing green eyes, stood Gaara, surrounded by small gatherings of seemingly self-minded sand, with his arms crossed.It was no wonder Kira was shocked. He had gotten so close, without even making a sound.You knew what they said about him, as you were also from Suna. You heard what they used to call him.The monster. The demon. The killer.With a wave of relief washing over your body, you quickly got up only to throw yourself at his feet.If Gaara was as blood-thirsty as everyone seemed to believe, he would be your salvation. He would be your answer.He would be the one to kill you.Not the boy you had grown up with. Not the one in your memories.But, most importantly, not Kai’s murderer.If you could, you would steal that satisfaction from him.It would be your last attempt of protecting your cousin. This time, you wouldn’t fail.Breathing heavily against the ground, you tried holding onto his ankle. ”Please…” you begged, without even telling what for.You waited for a hit. Waited for his power. Surely, your petulance of touching him would be enough to rile up a monster. Or, even worse, a prince.But the contact didn’t come. Instead, your heard his voice.“Was he the one who cut you like this?” Gaara asked.It was only then you remembered the slash in your back — adrenaline hiding any pain you could be feeling.The shock of his question left you with an iron-y feeling in your mouth. Still, you looked up and slowly nodded.Gaara’s stare, somehow, grew sharper, looking ahead.You didn’t see Kira’s reaction, but, when you looked back, he wasn’t there anymore.Coward, you thought.Gaara took a step back, freeing his ankle from your hands, and your mind from your thoughts.Being thrown into reality again, you quickly bowed, pressing your head to your hand and your hands to the ground.Surely, this time, you thought, almost relieved with the thought of death. Surely, now.But you waited, and you waited, and you waited.Nothing happened.You raised your head.Nothing was there anymore. No one.Just you and the forest.And just like the falling leaves, the blowing wind, and the warm sand who did not announce their arrival, Gaara went away without a sound to his departure.“Thank you,” you whispered, anyway. Hoping nature, which was so alike him, would eventually give him the message.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
11 years later
You opened the round flask and the pungent smell of alcohol burned the inside of your nose.It was your third try at finding the right bottle, still with no luck.“How much longer is this going to take?” Kakashi complained. He was sitting on top of a table, looking at the ceiling so no more blood would run down his nose.You, and the rest of Kakashi’s team, had arrived in Suna just the day before.However, the frantic wind storms, sand blasts, and the low humidity had gotten the best of your leader (or, rather, your leader’s nose) and he came knocking at your room’s door in the middle of dawn.It’s what you guessed, anyway. You weren’t there.He found you in a secluded area of the building the Suna officials had placed you in. It was a large room with very little furniture, saved for the occasional tables and, now, the row of cans you had placed at the furthest point.It was a good thing you hadn’t gotten changed and you entire travel medicine bags were still on you. Although, of course, you had the suspicion Kakashi would’ve done okay with any piece of fabric — your best guess was he had something to speak with you.You arranged them on the floor for a better view. They were convenient, yes, but, oh, so disorganized.Your frantic hands searched through bags, tissues and herb sacks as you replied. “It will take the time it has to take, Kakashi. Just be glad you were able to find me at this hour.”Outside one of the windows, the pale blue sky, still shy of rays, was welcoming the sun little by little, with the pitch-black night having only recently gone away.Not even the immense sand buildings that filled the village were enough to bring more yellow into the view.“I’m surprised the trip didn’t tire you out,” he spoke, his tone growing more bored by the second, although you could tell his words carried real surprise. He was sneakily mentioning your lack of sleep. That is, sneakily to those who didn’t know him. The snark was obvious to you.In quiet celebration, you finally found the rightly shaped cotton in between the small branches of a soothing plant you liked to keep. How had it gotten there was a mystery.But, when you turned to face Kakashi, the wrong muscle in your shoulder pulled, and the cotton escaped your hand as you tried to compress a grunt.“Or maybe it has,” Kakashi found the humor to joke, even though he rushed to stop you from falling, lowering his head in the process.You swiftly pretended nothing had hurt you, realigning your posture. Then, seeing the thin trail of red in Kakashi’s face, you threw a piece of fabric to him.“Clean it before I place the cotton,” you said, avoiding his gaze while picking the cotton up from the floor.He started doing as you said. “Are you just going to pretend nothing happened?”As in: how did you hurt your shoulder? We’ve just arrived!“Nothing happened,” you were fast to speak. Then, with a lower tone, you continued. “Nothing important. I was just practicing.”Unconsciously, you threw a glance at the bow and set of arrows resting against the wall in the corner of the room. It was quick, but Kakashi was quicker. He saw it too.As usual, he didn’t react much.“Mhm. Nothing like a shooting practice at dawn,” he joked, but it came to you as scolding. “You enjoyed the fantastic lightning it provides? I’m sure you hit all the targets.”You lightly smiled, recognizing his hidden concern. You approached him and started placing the cotton inside his nose. “Why? Is it so hard to believe us common folk can see well without a sharingan?”“Ha!” he said, and his tone was now different due to the cotton. Bloated, somehow. “That’s not how the sharingan works.”You are still a fool for target shooting in darkness, he might as well have said.“I don’t know much about sharingans,” you admitted. “But I know some things about shooting. I am quite good at it now,” you shyly confessed. It was weird to boast about anything at all. But it did run in your family— and you had worked endlessly towards it.Besides, it was as an honest review as it could get. You were quite good at it, but you could be better.That was all there was to the erratic training sessions.Nothing else.“Are you sure you are ok?” Kakashi questioned, the silly cotton still inside his nose.He was watching you try to close your bags, with very little success due to your trembling hands.You hid them behind you at once, turning to face him again. “Yes, I am.”Kakashi, for once, was genuine. He sighed.“You assured me you would be fine if I let you come with us,” he warned in somber tone.As in: will I have to send you back home?Your eyes narrowed. “I am fine,” your voice was firm.As in: do not even dare.“I’m just saying it might not be very sensible to keep you around,” he continued, carefully. Well, as careful as Kakashi could be, anyway. “And not being sensible means danger. It could cost a shinobi’s life.”You understood what he said, why he said it. You knew his intentions.But you had heard it so many times before, in such nerve-wracking situations…It was no secret you went after Kira. After the incident during the chuunin exam, your time and vigor were entirely dedicated to some extent of his life. By, of course, training harder, so you could fight him. But, also, by staying around the right people, and making requests to the right supervisors, so that any threat, any minimal sign of runaway ninjas would not slip under your radar. So you could beg and fight for a place in those teams, so you could be in those missions and, hopefully, be the one to seize his life.Needless to say, to your embarrassment, none of the times you insisted the chaos-maker in a random village was your ex-team member turned out to be actually him. After fighting tooth and nails, your only reward was a redder face and looks of disapproval from your fellow shinobis.Seeing as it was never him, there was a chance he wasn't a criminal at this point, but you doubted he could hide his nature. The lack of mercy in his eyes still gave you goosebumps when it flashed your mind, usually before sleep.The memory of his gaze made Kakashi’s words sting harder.Kakashi, like the others, worried you were too unstable. But, when your heart broke again and again, as if you realized Kira had betrayed you for the first time everyday, you didn’t just worry. You were certain: a part of you was going insane.And yet, you had to be there. With them.This time, you would be right.This time, it would be him.You could feel it in your bones.But Kakashi didn’t have to agree with you. He only had to believe you were sufficiently sane.Sometime during his reprehension, you neared the arrows on the ground. If you were close to him, he would see you trembling. He would hear the heaviness in your voice.You picked one of the arrows, also reaching for a sharpening kunai. “I’m… I’m fine, Kakashi,” you tried your best to control your tone. “I’m just… a bit nervous about today’s meeting.”Kakashi raised one of his eyebrows. And that was all he did, for a while.Soon enough, his cheery nature came back. But you knew it didn’t mean he believed you. It meant he was letting you go, this time.“I’m kinda nervous too,” he lightly admitted. “Meeting the Kazekage’s kids? Huff. Weird little fellas, I’ll tell you. All of them. But especially that one… what’s his name? Uh…” He clicked his tongue. “Ah. Gaara.”The mention of his name made you grab the arrow tighter, your finger going over the inscription in the wood by instinct.Kakashi didn’t, but you knew Gaara wouldn’t come to the meeting. It was something the village knew well: he rarely appeared in anything official. Some said it was his preference. Of course, as the murderous one, it was easy to imagine why he would not stand for formalities.Others, however, suggested it was his older brother, Kankuro. Rumors had it he didn’t like Gaara’s obvious power and influence, so he didn’t let him participate in anything.You thought it was a silly guess. As if anyone could control Gaara.The matter of the fact was… he wasn’t coming to the meeting. And hearing the news for the first time, the servants sighed in relief.You, however, was slightly disappointed. After so many years, you still hoped you could thank him in person. You still hoped to see him.But it was pointless.“Do not be nervous,” you said to Kakashi, the mention of the meeting activating something inside of you. There was still more to that reunion. You both knew. “You promised me you would ask Lord Kankuro.”Kakashi made an unpleased sound. He was hoping you had forgotten. “I’ll try,” he replied. “If you keep your head in place, that is.”You nodded, then let out a long breath, hoping to ease your heart in the process.Kakashi watched you closely then raised an eyebrow. “How come you don’t get this and I do?” his bloated voice rang once again in your ears. He was pointing to his, now contained, bloody nose.You lightly chuckled. “I come from Suna, sensei.”“Well, yes, but…” he stopped, pensive. “I just thought your body would be used to Konoha by now.”That made you think.It was true: your family was originally from Suna. But in a political trade, the Kazekage placed your grandmother and mother, alongside others, in a small village between the Land of Water and the Land of Fire. Your family’s healing services catered to a number of different regions which, in turn, paid the Land of Wind a worthy amount.You, especially, was given to Konoha as a young child. Your mission was to train and become a medical-nin, ready to serve both countries as it was necessary.Sometimes, the weight of the trade laid heavy on your shoulders.You wondered if it had been enough. If, at any point in time, the Konoha officials, expectant of the skills of a Hoki, came to their disappointment when they realized you were just… you.You analyzed Kakashi’s face. Had he?“I guess you can’t change blood,” he concluded, after a beat of silence from both of you.And maybe it was the largeness of the room, but his words echoed in your ears for a while.The meeting room suffocated you.It was large, it was wide — wider than the one you trained in earlier.Yet, it suffocated you.It was something about the dry sand columns. Something about the long line of low-ranked ninjas standing parallel to the wall. Something about the empty throne behind Lord Kankuro and Lady Temari, who didn’t have seats of their own.Something about the sweat in your hands.You were standing alongside the servant shinobis, watching your leader, Kakashi, and Shino Aburame carry out the conversation.A conversation that was almost over.“It is settled, then,” Lord Kankuro said. “As soon as the sandstorm subsides, your team is allowed to travel through the Land of Wind searching for your bandit. Do you need any shinobis from our side?”That was it, then. Kakashi had judged best not to include you in the hunt.You tried convincing yourself it was okay. You just had to get stronger, somehow. You had to practice a new skill, a new ability, to convince Kakashi and hopefully meet them in the middle. It was not impossible. It could last that long. You had seen hunts last months before and, surely, there was something you could do…“Actually, Kankuro,” Kakashi said, ignoring the unofficial title, used mainly by Suna residents out of tradition, “there is something else I need to talk about.”Your eyes widened. Could it be?But, as Kankuro opened his mouth to reply, a shrieking sound came from another’s. It was one of the servants. Looking at the door, she let out a horrified gasp.One by one of the servants, after that, got down on their knees, pressing their heads to the floor so that their eyes were shut.You were not officially a part of this mission’s team. You had merely asked Kakashi to accompany them on the travel as an assistant. So you, too, knelt, knowing what was about to come. They had warned you.If Gaara was to enter the room, no outsider could see him, at the cost of losing their lives.At the sound of his footsteps, the room became still.One.Two.Three.His presence wasn’t audible, yet it seemed to reverberate throughout the room, ricocheting off of walls.Even with your eyes closed, in pure darkness, you could feel it.“Gaara, my dear friend,” Kakashi's exclaimed, breaking the silence with a hammer. A very ironic one. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t appear.”Of course, rules about not looking at him didn’t apply to everyone. Especially not to those who had seen him as a child.“He wasn't supposed to,” Lord Kankuro said, although you couldn't tell if out of contempt or pure surprise.More steps were heard and, then, something sitting over leather.The throne, you thought to yourself. It was reserved for him.“Well, well, little brother,” Lady Temari spoke for the first time in a while, “what a good surprise to have you here.”The servant beside you held their breath. Everyone was waiting for his reply.“What do you want, Kakashi?”His voice gave you goosebumps.It was not suffocating like the room, nor scorching like the Suna’s sun. It was gelid.Like finding water in a desert.Kakashi made a startled noise. “Huh?”It could also sound like the beginning of a fight to some, you realized.“You said you had something to ask,” his cadence was slow. “What is it?”You pressed your eyes tighter.Oh, no. The last thing you wanted now was attention to yourself.“Ah. Hm… well,” Kakashi cleared his throat, “there’s this shinobi from Konoha. She’s not formally in a high enough level to participate in this mission, but I… judge her to be able. I told her she could participate, but I had to…” he cleared his throat again “…I had to get permission from you, Sunagakure’s officials, too.”A beat of silence followed.“If she’s not up to par, why should we allow her?” Lord Kankuro was the first one to say. “The rest of the team might not feel as safe.”It was physically impossible to close your eyes with more strength, but you tried to anyway.“I say let her do it,” Lady Temari followed. “I trust Kakashi’s opinions more than old-fashioned tests. Him vouching for her is enough for me.”There was one more opinion left.Another beat of silence ensued.Everyone seemed to sense when he was about to speak.“What does she think of it?” Gaara asked.Kakashi confusedly spoke, “what does she…?”“Yes. What does she want?” His tone was firmer. “If it is something she wants, chances are she’ll give all of herself towards the goal. I usually find unmotivated shinobis worse than unskilled ones. Besides, if she ends up dying, it’s hardly anyone’s fault. Nor something her family should complain about.”“Ehhhh…” Kakashi said. You could imagine him scratching his head.Another beat of silence. There seemed to be a lot of those when Gaara was around.The room, once again, came to a still.“So,” although it was not in his nature to speak much, he, then, had to continue, since no one else would, “does she want to go?”You gulped.Somehow, you could feel Kakashi’s gaze in your direction. Calling you.He would never speak in your name, but that meant you had to speak for yourself.No, no, no, you prayed. Not in front of him.It was a weird thing, that. Gratitude.It was agreeable, and pleasing, and respectable.However, sometimes, to some people, it left the grateful with a petrifying sense of shamefulness. They would think “you have given me something or acted in such a way that benefited me with little to no return, when you didn’t even have to.”Then, their next thought would be “at the very least, I should live my life in such a way that makes your gesture worth it. I should make you proud.”It was another weird thing, that. Pride.Gaara seemed to be prideful. Of what you heard of him, he carried himself with confidence. A soldier type of poise. It was easy to imagine powerful men coming to a bow by gazing into his eyes long enough.And yet, you could not imagine him feeling proud over small things. Much less, the smallest of them all: a random shinobi he had met years ago. It was hard to assume he even remembered you.So, of the weirdest things, you were left with its scraps.Not quite gratitude, not quite shame, not quite pride.Only a whispered plea: “do not present yourself to me, I’m way smaller when by your side.”But there you were, seconds from being presented to him.You still had tiny hopes of being left aside somehow until Kakashi spoke, loud and clear, directed at you: “aren’t you gonna come?”Now, not only him, but the whole room stared at you. Well, you were guessing. Your eyes were still closed.And they remained closed as you took small, careful steps into what you imagined was the center of the room.It was quite comical in your head, but maybe it was the nerves making you laugh easily. It had the potential of becoming a disaster, even, but the hands of Shino took you by the arm and placed you where you had to be. You knew it was him by the displeased grunts he gave as he moved you. At first, it was a shock. You had forgotten he was even there.But, soon, the absurdity of it all gave to place to a respectful awe.You knew there was a beautiful embellished window behind the throne that couldn’t be opened, but let light through. And now, in front of said throne, as you raised your head, the bright yellow shone against your eyelids, also showering your face with warmth.You were also hit by the tiniest gusts of wind, followed by light touches of soft sand. Although the room was closed, the air you felt was probably made by the grain’s movement.Everything took you back to eleven years before. It all felt the same.And the relief you couldn’t feel then, hindered by fear and confusion, came rushing in at once. Your chest was filled with something. Or, better yet, it let go of everything.For the first time in a while, you felt like you could breathe.Without processing, you greeted Gaara.“My prince,” you hailed, bowing.The title came as a surprise to you as well.Officially, the offspring of a Kazekage were not authority in any way. However, ever since the birth of the siblings, the village knew there would be no other shinobi in Suna who could surpass them. They could only be overthrown by themselves.In playful manner, young girls from Suna would sing songs and fight over which one of the boys would eventually be titled. They would refer as their preferred one as prince.Of course, it could also just be a sign of respect and patriotic sentiment, just like referring to them as Lords and Lady.You bit your cheek in reflex, hoping none of them would think it was the former. But you refused to feel embarrassed for calling him in a more respectable manner. He was an important shinobi, after all. He had defended your land like none before.“Just Gaara is fine, actually,” you hear Lord Kankuro say with a squeaky voice. This time, you could tell: he was joking.Then, a slap, his complaint and Lady Temari whispering something along the lines of “stop acting like a ten-year-old.”You came out of your bow, but kept your eyes shut. Part of you didn’t wish to see him too. You were fearful of how you would react.For what seemed like the fifth time that day, no one spoke anything.Realizing he had to speak again, Gaara angrily sighed. The hairs at the back of your neck stood up.You hadn't realized he was so… close.“What do you say?” Gaara asked, his deep voice running through your bones. A huge difference compared to when you were kids.Ignoring the nervous pit-a-patting of your heart, you focused on your goal.“I want to go,” you assured, as firmly as you could.A new wave of silence.“And are you able?”By instinct, you shut your eyes tighter.You were not as strong as you thought you would be the next time you saw him.You feared you never would.But, at the very least, he didn’t seem to remember you. So you ignored the part of you that was disappointed in yourself, and tried thinking rationally.“My skills in ninjutsu as a medical-nin are very limited, Lord” you admitted, clenching your fists. “But I shoot well and my knowledge of plants and medicine are like not other. Besides, I am of the opinion there’s no harm done in having a medical-nin around.”You tried sounding as convincing as possible, although “like no other” was a clear stretch and not how you felt about yourself at all. But it was what your grandmother would say, many moons before, and, for some reason, at that moment, you wanted her to be with you.Behind you, you heard a satisfied “mhm” from Kakashi. Surprised, even.But the somewhat light mood didn’t last long.When Gaara spoke again, his tone was different. Sharper.Something had shifted.“So you can only fight from a distance?”Was he being spiteful?“Hm…,” it was all you could muster.“What if your enemy came…”A bigger, harsher gust of wind hit you. The sand even scratched your skin.A couple of gasps surrounded you and, following another gust, you soon felt Gaara behind you.“…closer?” he finished the sentence.Seconds after, you were thrown against a column by a tentacle of sorts. You could only guess what it was made of. Your breath was forced out of your lungs.Surprisingly, your eyes didn’t open. You had always been good at following instructions.But the rest of your team was not as contained. You could hear the swift sound of feet changing positions and kunais leaving their cases.“What are you doing, Gaara?” Kakashi shouted. But he wasn’t angry, you could tell. Not yet.You should’ve been as agitated, but crashing against a column didn’t have the expected effect in you.Or, rather, you would have been terrified and shaking like one would assume if you had actually crashed. However, your body barely touched any structure. And, in every possible place you could have hurt yourself, there was a thick layer of soft sand, holding you in place. The lack of breath had been of shock.You weren’t hurt. You weren't hurt because he made sure you weren't.So, instead of feeling afraid, the ordeal had the opposite effect. Gaara was not your enemy: he was a soldier. A fighter. A shibobi.A shinobi skilled enough to control elements of nature in such a way no part of you was harmed.And, although there could be an argument about his purpose in taking such action in the first place, your mind was overwhelmed with a single realization: he was the future sovereign of your village, distinct from you in both blood and skill, and that was the last time in your life you would be in a room with him.You had to take action, or regret it for the rest of your life.After Kakashi’s questioning, you rushed to speak.“Lord Gaara,” your hurry made your voice sound louder than intended, but it worked in silencing the others amidst the commotion, “I need to speak with you.”You couldn’t see their reactions.There was another moment of silence.A moment long enough to make you wonder if they would now ask for your head in a plate for demanding something from the most powerful ninja in the village.Instead, Gaara asked, “now?”“Yes,” you replied. Your hands were shaking again, but you were feeling bold. “Alone.”It was now or never.The fulfillment of your request or decapitation.After what seemed an eternity, Gaara’s voice resonated. “Leave,” he demanded, in deep tone.Not you. Everyone else.As confused sounds and a wave of footsteps rushed out the door, you let out the breath you were holding. Thank God for waking up on the right side of the bed and the inclination to entertain peasants.After everyone left, you felt yourself flutter in the air. The sand arm was pulling you closer.Once it stopped, you gulped. The arm let you go.“I need to get something, my Lord,” you practically whispered, “but for that I need to open my eyes.”This time, you didn’t have the time to be afraid. Almost instantly, Gaara replied. “Do it.”So you did.Gaara stood in front of you, closer than you had realized. His hair was of a deep red and his eyes, a light green. However, they were enrapturing in the same way: every ray of light that came in, they locked to themselves. They did not reflect anything and, in that sense, they were muted. But the intensity of the colors spoke for themselves, and there was nothing you had ever seen that compared to his eyes.Except, of course, his eyes from a decade ago.But something was different. They used to be beautiful. Now, they were enchanting. Like an animal in the wild who lured their prey with their appearance.Or, maybe more fittingly, like the ones who warned their predators off with their bold colors.But you had a feeling not only you were lured. It couldn’t be.As murderous and as feared Gaara was, not one woman in the village would refuse his hand in marriage. You became certain of that.His beauty was haunting.And, for a while, you found yourself unable to speak.He stared at you. “So?”Startled and taken out of your trance, you quickly made your way to the sidewall where your backpack was. You had bought it before you knew it was such a big room, with such tall columns and such long lines.But you also had bought it because something held onto the belief he could appear out of mere foolish hope, which was commonly found within you.You took the arrow out of the backpack, stood in front of Gaara and bowed, extending the gift held by both of your hands. “It is nothing, my Lord, nothing at all,” you began explaining. “And you don’t remember this, but you saved me when we were young. You saved me and I couldn’t thank you, and that has been my biggest regret. But then I thought… what could I give to someone that can buy anything? I don’t have anything valuable.”You were looking at the floor while saying. Gaara wasn’t saying anything.“Still, I had to give you something. So, please, accept this arrow. I engraved in it the symbol you have in your…” He took the arrow out of your hands in a light sweep. You barely felt it, but it was enough to make you lose your train of thought. You stood up. “I think I did it correctly,” you almost whispered, resisting the urge of hiding the cuts in your hands.Gaara held the arrow with both hands, but only with two fingers of each. He was analyzing with a slowness atypical of him. He turned the symbol upward, then ran his thumb over it.“I see,” he eventually said. The richness of his voice still hadn’t stopped surprising you. “Go, now.”He pointed to the door with his head.You nodded, bowing once more.You were almost completely outside the room when his voice was heard.“Back then, you did…” his back was turned to you while he said it “…say thank you.”You couldn’t comprehend his words. Your actions were becoming more real in your head as time went by, and fear came in belatedly. At that moment, your head was a maze.As such, he left the room before you did, through a door on the other side.The coin dropped only much after, at night, when you were in your bed ready to sleep.In a gasp, you said out loud, “he remembers me.”And, although the world disagreed, your opinion about Gaara was set.What a prince, indeed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
If only it was an enemy, you thought.The Suna Sun reigned above your head. You were out of the Kazekage’s grounds for the first time since you had arrived, loose in the village. You had a destination and, to your surprise, as you set foot outside, the route to it became clear in your head, still fresh in your memories. That, so far, hadn’t been a problem.Unfortunately for you, everything else was.The market tents were too many, too close. It was beautiful, and it was warm, and it was a gracious display of community few other places had. But it was a bad day. A terrible day. And, even though the grumpiness was against your own will, you had woken up fully bitter.Of course, participating in the hunt was, now, completely ruled out. You had displayed too much audacity and too senseless of an action in the meeting for it to be possible. It was your last chance to thank an important figure for you, yes, but that was only achieved by imprudence, and you doubted the Suna lords would overlook it. You couldn’t say you regretted it — you were, somehow, satisfied.And, yet, bitter.How paradoxical was the human heart.The second paradox was this: Gaara had to be out your mind. The implication of him remembering you had too many consequences. Mental, emotional… and, yes, physical ones. You could shut down thoughts of him completely. Your heart, however, throughout the entire morning, had drummed arrhythmically in your chest.There lay your third and, perhaps, most irritating irritation among the irritations. Your chest hurt. Your hands were clammy. Your feet, unaccustomed to the fluffy ground, sunk into the sand every five steps you took. The typical Suna attire you packed no longer fully fit you, cutting off too early at the sleeves. Your hair was thrown into your face by the wind and, although your mouth was covered by a scarf, you constantly hurt your teeth by biting into teeny tiny rocks.Yes, it was definitely the most irritating part. But not the root. Not the source.All of it could’ve been overlooked, and you could’ve enjoyed the quirks of your native land (as you did many times before), had your objective been another.If only it was an enemy, you groaned in your mind.But, no. It wasn’t an enemy.It was your aunt.“Oh, my love” she sung, at the door of her dome, upon laying eyes on you.The softness of her gaze immediately melted your overwhelmed heart.You weakly smiled. “Hi, aunt Amani.”You hugged her, and her hands were quickly on your face. “Have you not been eating well? Your face is pale!”“Well, dear aunt, you know how Konoha is...” You shrugged, trying to give the impression the cause of your lack of color was something other than pure, raw panic.Your aunt stopped in her tracks, looking at you expectantly for the answer. That made you shy.“Hmm… not as hot as here,” your voice came out meek. It really wasn’t that impressive of a sentence.To your aunt, however, everything about you was impressive.She took you to a sofa, then sat in front of you. In the middle, there was a small table, as embellished as the mirror in the palace, with swirls in earthy colors decorating the polished stone.Upon seeing it, your stomach dropped.On top of the table, there was a round recipient filled with honey sweets.Kai’s favorite.Suddenly, the stillness of the house, to your ears, became a loud token of what had passed. The bags under your aunt’s eyes became darker.You had the overwhelming urge to run away.“So tell me, my darling, how have you been?” her mellow voice sounded in your ears.“I’ve been… well, my aunt.” The word struggled to come out of your mouth. As if you weren’t. As if you shouldn’t be. “I would like if you didn’t burden yourself with worries about me.”Your aunt turned her nose, cutely. Cutely to you, at least. “Humpf. And what should an old lady do but worry?” She grabbed more trays and placed them around. “What other good can I offer now?”You took one of the sweets in your hand because you would insult her otherwise.“Do not say that,” you scolded her. “I am sure the entire village would be devastated if you weren’t here to make your cakes.”You tried nibbling on the sweet, but your stomach refused to accept food. It was time to pretend, then.“I try infusing them with healthy herbs, just like the way I taught your mother…” she stared at the colorful display of food, longingly. “But, funnily enough, I think I am starting to forget how. I never thought I would.” The last part, barely a whisper.You gulped. Would it be right to ask?You did it anyway.“Has she been around?”“No,” the answer came out simple. Although you expected there to be hidden tones, there were none. “Neither has our mother.”You shook your head, dropping your hands to your lap, careful not to stain your clothes with the sweet. “I can not make sense of their refusal to come.”Your aunt softly smiled.“It is one of the ways I think Konoha was good to you. You did not inherit the Hoki’s impetuous upholding of tradition,” then, she stopped, only to make an expression you could not understand. “Although… I remember you were this kind before moving there, too.”You flinched. Of all the ironies in your life, it had been said by her.The lonely woman in an empty house.Without a clan, without a family and, now, without her son.You placed the candy back on the tray. “I am not kind, my aunt,” your voice was low.“You mustn’t be,” she replied, regal. “You are a firstborn daughter.”She would know. She was one, too.In a confession you could make only in front of her, because you were in front of her, you whispered, “sometimes, I wish I wasn’t.”Your aunt stopped. She aligned her posture, then took a long, careful look at you.“And what do you wish to be, my child?” she finally asked.You turned to face your aunt. Her face now had more wrinkles than the last time you had seen her.It was obvious thing, but it hurt your heart.Everything she had given up in her life invaded your mind in a flash.“What did you wish for when you were younger, aunt Amani?”Aunt Amani let out a satisfied chuckle. “I’ve gotten what I wished for, my dear. I wanted to be a mother.”As a reflex, you shut your eyes for a second. Your hands turned ice cold.Oh.“Now all I wish for… is for you to dream for yourself, too,” you barely heard her continue, behind the silencing, blurry wall that barred your mind.The sequence that followed did not reach you. You could’ve stayed there for minutes or for hours. Your answers could’ve made sense or not. Your head was half empty.The existing half, however, was only focused on one thing: how could you have possibly let yourself be cut from the hunt?As soon as you left her home, your steps clashed against surfaces with rapid force. You ditched the sandy roads to reach for the top of the domes along the streets. You had to be fast.You cut through paths just like the wind cut against your face. It was easy for the air to become dangerous surrounded by so many grains, but you had a clear objective.You had to meet Kakashi again.You turned left and the palace was now in sight. You became so euphoric upon seeing it, you forgot you had not arrived.You forgot to look ahead of you.You only saw the man in the red cloak when he was too close for good measure.Gaara was on top of the building, too, with his hands behind his back.He never did as much as blink his eyes as you stopped yourself centimeters away from him.You threw yourself back at once, bowing in a hurry. “I am sorry, Lord Gaara.”As you were about to, you heard him say: “Do not close your eyes.”Although you were in shock, you did as he said.Then, he asked, “why are you not at the meeting?”It was strange how he could question someone and not look the tiniest bit affected.“What meeting?” you heard yourself ask.His dull green eyes turned to face ahead of him. He was by the side of the building, viewing the scenery. There were dunes, other domes and, further away, a playground, with children. From your hasty memories, you were under the impression he was doing it before you arrived, too.“Did they not notify you?” he asked. Then, he frowned, in an effort to remember something. “The one with glasses.”Shino.Did he have something to tell you?Either way, you had left the officials’ ground early in the morning, before you realized you knew the path to your aunt’s. He couldn’t have reached you.“I left early to…” you began to explain. But, even though Gaara didn’t show any signs of displeasure, you shook your head. What were you doing? He didn’t want to know. “Notify me of what, if I may ask?”“They’re meeting to talk about the mission,” he replied. A beat of silence followed. “You said you wanted to go?” this time, he sounded confused. It was that important, yet you had forgotten?But no, you hadn’t forgotten.You were just paralyzed, still processing what he said.Had he…?Were you…?Had he actually…?The cloud of anguish blocking your lungs dissipated at once.“You let me…?” you couldn’t even end the sentence.Gaara had added you to the team.You didn’t have to run so hard anymore.Now, panting, finally letting the adrenaline run off your body, you bowed.“Thank you, Lord Gaara.”You don’t know what this means to me, you thought, focusing on not letting too many tears gather.You couldn’t see, but he eyed you up and down.“Your clothes are old,” he said plainly.Your euphoria cracked in shock.“Ah,” you exclaimed, as you got up. You tried pulling the cuffs closer to your wrists.Some of us are not that fond of shopping, you know, my lord…, you thought to yourself, a bit taken aback because of the rude question. Or that full of funds.“You got them when you were younger?” his voice sounded curious.Looking at his eyes, you finally realized what he meant.Ah.Of course a prince would want to know about his subjects.“Yes, my lord. I am actually from Suna,” you replied what he truly meant to ask, running your hand over the Suna embroidery on your chest. “I was born here.”He stood taller, somehow. “What is your surname?”“I am a Hoki,” you replied, with the usual shyness that followed. You didn’t look like one. “I was transferred to Konoha when I was pretty young, though…” you let yourself trail off.“How old are you?” he asked again, without knowing you shouldn’t make such questions to a lady.You cleared your throat. “I believe we are of a similar age, my lord.”Gaara looked down for the quickest second, before facing ahead again.He took a step back, opening his mouth.No sound came out, and you felt the world stop in anticipation.But maybe it was just you.“When you were here…” he began, then he stopped. Then he breathed in. Then he tried again. “Did you use to play on that playground?”A lot of strange things happened when Gaara was around.He could be quite surprising on his own, but the reactions to his actions almost always followed the same level of deviancy.This time, he seemed reluctant to speak. So, in reaction, the sound arrived late to your ears. You could’ve sworn it did.His mouth moved at first, then the sound followed.It was not hard to connect the dots and remember sound had to travel through air.And, although you didn’t know if he somehow had control over air too or if the grains had taken upon themselves to stop the sound waves a little longer, that was not your focus. In a land of such powerful shinobis, you had learned to not over-explain what your mind perceived.However, as you realized it happened only because he was uncomfortable, not because he was in danger, the innocence of the act left an impression on you.Ever since you were a child, you knew him as the demon ruling over sand.But the lightness of his emotions, and the force that decided to care about it, made you wonder if it thought of him not as a controller, but as a friend.You wondered if anyone else did.“No,” you replied to his question honestly. There was never enough time. “I took lessons. I had to know enough before moving away from my family.”He merely nodded, somber. But the lack of his reaction hit you in a pang.You wanted to hear him talk again.“Sometimes, I imagine myself playing,” before realizing, you divulged. And you kept divulging. “It’s very silly, but I can’t help but wonder how it would feel to just let the sand run through my fingers, to let myself move without a purpose. To walk without knowing where I would arrive, or when I would be coming home. I’ve had a curfew since I learned how to walk,” you stopped to chuckle. Soon, you, however, were downer than before. Not by his side, but inside of yourself. Lost, somewhere. “But when I imagine myself being so… childish, I am never a child. I am myself now. I often wonder what that means.”“It means you haven’t given up,” his rich voice startled you, taking you back to the rooftop.When you looked at Gaara, there was something about him.You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but it was unguarded.You knew it wouldn’t last long, and, in a hurry that was becoming routine when it came to him, you knew you wouldn’t have another chance.Not only you needed to take it, you wanted to.“When you said I thanked you, my lord, what exactly did you mean?” you asked simply, hoping it would be enough for him to know what you were talking about.Thankfully, it was.“You did thank me,” he replied, without looking at you. “With your eyes.”A wave of realization rushed over you.Of course. To someone as sensitive about gazes as he was, the pleading eyes of a child might’ve been enough.They might’ve been everything.“Lord Gaara, I…” you didn’t know what you would say, but you also didn’t find out.Sounds of a fight invaded your ears and, looking at Gaara, you knew he heard it too.Without a second thought, you both started running in its direction.It didn’t take long to arrive — both you and the fight were right by the palace.From the rooftop, you saw Kankuro and Kakashi fighting against what you could only describe as slimy black figures. They were tall, and they had a mouth, and they seemed to melt. They also appeared from the ground, leaving their previous place by disappearing into it, too.At first, when you saw Lord Kankuro and Kakashi without action, merely stopped in place, you imagined it was because of the creatures’ fast movement — you assumed they would be hard to hit. But, soon, you realized the men were unsure.“Try telling if they’re the residents faster, man,” Kankuro hurried Kakashi, looking over his shoulder with a kunai in hand.“I can’t tell,” Kakashi replied, his sharingan on display. “They are completely blurred to me.”“Then where did they all go?” Kankuro shouted.There were residents here?, you thought to yourself.Almost knowingly, Gaara spoke by your side. “This is a training area for the officials. No one lives here.”It seemed true. Looking around, you realized all of the domes were unlocked, and they didn’t have furniture inside.You nodded when he looked at you. “They’re not people,” you completed his thought.But, if they were not people, what were they?And why did Kankuro look so troubled?Something was off.To start with, Kakashi should be able to tell their nature. At the very least, his sharingan would be powerful enough to determine whether they were humans or not. To your knowledge, no shinobi still alive had any way to interfere with that power.Besides, looking at your leader with a bit more attention, not only his abilities seemed unlike themselves. His whole demeanour betrayed what you usually knew to be him. When was the last time you saw Kakashi take steps back in a fight?Looking from above, it was easy to tell: the whole scenario appeared frozen in time. The creatures merely appeared and disappeared, while Kankuro and Kakashi didn’t dare approach them, seemingly stuck behind an imaginary divide.While you scanned the fight, Gaara got down the rooftop at once, with his usual unrivalled certainty.His confidence was such, you almost followed. But, as you approached one step into their direction, your fingertips turned frozen again. Rolling your hands into fists, you hid them by your side.It’s no use, you thought, shaking your head. I’m meant to be behind the lines.You tried reaching for your bow on your back, only to remember you hadn’t brought it with you. You scoffed, shocked at your own lack of preparation. But there was no time to complain. Hurriedly, without leaving the roof, you ran to accompany Gaara from above.He was quick. Quicker than you. But his eyes were fixed.Upon arriving, he didn’t waste a single breath. He raised his arms and the sand followed. Numerous pillars stood up, soon becoming like water, twisting and turning at Gaara’s will. They enveloped the creatures, ready to explode them in a fatal embrace.You watched Gaara with a different shimmer in your eye.How stupid it was to challenge him in his own home. Everything in Suna rose in the morning and laid down at night with the sound of his name being carried by the wind.However, your attention was stolen from Gaara back to Kakashi when you heard his grunt.“They’re not attacking us,” Kakashi warned, with real fear in his eyes.The scene gave you goosebumps, and you raised your lip in disgust. That was the moment you knew he wasn’t fully himself.It was ridiculous enough to witness the image of your leader with such clear emotions on his face in the middle of a confrontation, being the experienced shinobi that he was, but the most off-putting point wasn’t even that. The real shiver-inducing impossibility was that Kakashi wasn’t afraid of the creatures.He was afraid of Gaara.He was warning Gaara not to hurt them.Like the inevitability of a weapon, however, and with the stubbornness of a man who was raised to be one, Gaara merely moved his hand and the sand pillars finished their jobs, tightening themselves. All of the slimy creatures disappeared into air, as if they had never been.At that moment, Kankuro, who was watching it play out with grief-stricken eyes, reached for his kunai in a fit of fury and let himself go, screaming.He hurried in the direction of Gaara who, from shock and confusion, stayed in place. Had it not been from his self-minded shield of sand, Gaara would’ve been hit in the chest with force.Even after the miss, Kankuro did not stop, nearing himself from other angles, powered by anger that only seemed to worsen with time. Gaara, although now conscient enough to avoid his hits, did only that. He moved with a slowness atypical to him, but, from above and with a careful gaze, you could tell why.Gaara watched Kankuro as if it was impossible for his blade to actually hurt. His expression carried confusion, but, above all else, a hopeful type of begging. At the hands of Kankuro, under the shower of merciless slashes, Gaara wanted his older brother to stop by his own will. He was stuck in utter disbelief.But you knew the truth.It was clear from the moment you saw Kakashi. Their confusion was intentional. It was controlled.“Lord Gaara,” you screamed, hoping it would be enough, “it’s a genjustsu!”At the sound of your voice, Kakashi fell to his knees, holding his head in agony.But Gaara did not seem to hear you. He still looked intensely at Kankuro, unable to even raise his hand and hold him in place.“Why did you kill them?” Kankuro shouted between each slash, his voice clouded by his crying. “Why do you always kill them?”“What…?” Gaara’s voice sounded, despite his own will, startling himself with its honest surprise.At that second, a kunai flew in, cutting Gaara slightly in his lower chin, but, ultimately, hitting Kankuro right in the shoulder. Your kunai — the one you had sloppily thrown because your bow was not an option.“Yes!” from the rooftop, you celebrated the unlikely hit. You covered your mouth in embarrassment a second later, however. It was not the time.Kankuro fell to his knees and held his arm, his anger subsiding. As you suspected, they were under the sort of genjutsu that could be broken by exterior wounds.You got down the rooftop, ready to slap Kakashi back to sanity, but, looking around, you found him nowhere.You almost went after him, but you were stopped by Gaara’s shouts.“What were you doing?” he questioned Kankuro, holding him up by his clothes. Kankuro’s head dropped — he was still too weak to support himself.“Lord Gaara, now may not be the best time…” you tried intervening.“What did you mean?” he ignored you, his voice getting louder. “What were you trying to say?”He shook Kankuro which, now, had his feet completely off the ground. Gaara’s hands were veiny by the strength he was putting on them and, you assumed, under his red cloak his arms were no different. It was the first time you saw his emotions take over his body.But did you even have the right to intervene in a fight between brothers?Right then, Gaara shaking Kankuro made his neck move. He fell in such a way you saw his face — his eyes were closed and his breath, patchy.You clenched your fists. When one of them was unconscious, yes, you did.“Lord Gaara, he was not himself,” you reprehended Gaara, running closer to them both.However, other steps accompanied yours. By the very end of the street, you stopped running to see an older man with superficial cuts, limping. He approached you and Gaara slowly.To you, he seemed harmless. He could even provide some clarity on what had actually passed.Gaara, however, smelled blood on him, and his arms were already occupied.You did not know if he had meant to step on the ground with so much force. You couldn’t tell if the long line of sand that rose had any purpose charging towards the man. If Gaara had control of his intentions, if he was in his right mind, if he had merely planned to weakly hold him in place — none of that you knew.You only saw a giant arm of sand punching the already hurt man against the building. You could only scream “no!” while you watched a thin trail of blood run down his ear.Running toward the man, you did not see Gaara when he left. But you could hear him.He let out a strained, horror-filled gasp that made the situation only more regrettable to your mind.But it was too late. He had already gone.And you were, now, with your leader missing, and two passed out men to take care of.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Gaara threw himself inside the palace at once, and that was how he resumed breathing: he clashed against a wall, and the air was forced out of his lungs. He swallowed whole waves of air, unable to stop his body from seeking survival. Not only then, fleeing from having murdered a man, but throughout his years, since the very beginning — he was forced to fight for his permanence. He remained despite his wish to leave. He curled his fists, nails sinking into skin. At the very first tear of his palm, somebody arrived at the corridor he was in. A servant.“Young master, are you well?” her voice sounded worried. He didn’t know who it was. He couldn’t see her face. His vision was too blurry. But she shouldn’t be a stranger. No one was allowed at that part of the palace, his part, without having known him for long. It should inspire intimacy, but it was a mere choice out of convenience. If they knew him as a child, they were accustomed to the red veins in his eyes. They suffered under his hands when they were at their heaviest. Everything else, in comparison, would be good enough. So Gaara didn’t deign himself to answer. Even if he wanted to, his throat was clogged up. Besides, he was in a hurry — at every minute passing, a bit of limbs froze. He was losing control of his body. In a limp, without any strength to his legs, he dragged himself to the nearest room. It didn’t matter which. Every one of them, on that corridor, belonged to only him. But he didn’t get that far. A vision invaded his mind. It was himself. Younger. With the same sad eyes, holding the same sad bear. Gaara fell to his knees, screaming in agony. His hands trembled, but he took them to his head, hoping they would calm it down. Hoping they would hold it in place. It never worked. Feeling his muscles tense from under his skin, Gaara damned the man who, one day, said he should only try harder. That he could be enough. He damned the unreasonable hope that man possessed. He damned the rising sun reflected onto dunes, he damned the sounds of a quiet morning, he damned the scarce moments he believed in laughter. He damned the cold excitement in his stomach whenever his brother complimented him. He damned her faith, and for heaven’s sake, he damned her eyes. He damned the blind fury that took over him whenever she closed them. He damned everyone’s, anyone’s, unbloodied hands. And, above all else, he damned the sand and its refusal to empower him, now.“Just let me end it already,” he screamed, feeling his voice scratch his neck.It was no use. No matter how much force he exerted, his arms wouldn’t move. “Please,” he cried. “I can’t stand myself any longer. I can not.” There was no reply. He tried moving his arms again. They only locked in place harder. “All of the years come down at once and take over my mind. I’m already too rotten, too dirty,” Gaara barely heard himself speak over his tears. “My hands won’t wash. They won’t. No matter how many times I clean it.”Closing his eyes, he let his head reach the ground. “Kankuro knows it too,” he whispered.Losing control so easily, how could he even be human? The very word left a bitter taste in his mouth.Not human, no.A monster. A demon.A killer. It didn’t matter if he tried to change. It didn’t even matter if the smell of blood made his stomach turn in disgust. He couldn’t run away.He couldn’t… He couldn’t… At that moment, Gaara felt the lock release, but it was already over. The sand had already taken all of his force.His legs still shook, but he tried standing on them either way. “Lord Gaara?” he heard a voice from behind him say. Your voice.He turned at once, but the movement was too harsh. Anything would be, at that moment. His body fell forward. He was unconscious when you held him, stopping him from hitting the ground. Still, one small part of himself was awake before the contact. It was the younger part, or maybe the older. Either way, it was the part away from his memories, and his pains, and his reason. The last thing it saw was you. And, for shorter than a second, it allowed itself to rest.After Gaara left, you took care of the two men until more medical-nins showed up. Kakashi had appeared sometime in between, saying he had gotten out of the genjustsu and hurried to try and find the shinobi behind it, with no luck. It was reasonable, but you lightly slapped him anyway, for giving you a scare. No one’s wounds were fatal. Kankuro, especially, was only too tired, so it didn’t lay on you back too heavy when you decided to leave and look for Gaara.Someone would call it worry, but you called it your duty. It was easy to argue you had been trained for that very reason — taking care of the future ruler of your nation. He hadn’t merely left, after all. He had fled, distressed. Although it was hard to admit, your own heart was frantic, too. At some point, you had become afraid of what composed men could do, once emotion touched them. Aware of how the world reacted to Gaara, you tried searching for a frenzy. You had seen the beginning of his path, directed toward the palace. Soon enough after arriving there, a servant called your attention, alarmed and worried, saying Lord Gaara needed a medic. You ran to where she told you, although she insisted on not going with you. Apparently, her being there was a mistake in the first place. She was worried, but she was also afraid. You entered the corridor with bold steps. Even if Gaara didn’t like it, your concern was making sure he was alright. But, instead of finding a rage-driven, exploding shinobi like you had imagined, you saw the back of a man barely standing up, surrounded by empty turns and empty rooms, clinging onto the remains of his vigor, because he had no other choice. Because, if he stopped, he would fall. “Lord Gaara?” you said, without realizing. It carried too much sadness, and it surprised even yourself.You ran to hold him when he, finally, gave up. His head hit your chin, but you didn’t feel any pain. You stood there, with him in your embrace, moving your eyes in all directions, thinking about how to best proceed. You considered calling more shinobis to help, but the thought didn’t last long. As prestigious as his life was, and as valuable of a position he held, you decided his wishes mattered more. If he didn’t want anyone else there, if the area was prohibited, then no one would enter it.You decided you, too, was not meant to be there long. So you placed him down, as gently as you could, then inspected his condition. His skin was gelid. His limbs were still shaking. But, ultimately, you arrived at a conclusion. His calm breath didn’t leave room for questions — Gaara was simply sleeping. You wondered if it was only then, with his strength completely gone, that he could reach that level of sleep. But it was not your place to analyse his mind. As his medic, you just had to care for him.And that word, care, did so good for you, and it fit so nicely in your chest, you carried it with you for longer. Looking at the young man on the ground, only then realizing that he truly was as young as you, but carried so much more, you made a decision. Perhaps you didn’t have to live in such shame anymore. Perhaps he had saved you for a reason. Perhaps, somehow, you could give back.He could complain about it. He could fight against it. He most likely would.You only had to keep it a secret, then.If you had any say in it, Gaara would never hit the floor. Even if no else would, because no one else would, you would care for him. It was only fair. Anyone else would be cleaning the wounds of a murderer, but you would be cleaning the wounds of your helper. The dirty job was yours and, to your mind, it wasn’t even that dirty in the first place. After all, you couldn’t be sure, but he was on the ground now by the weight of his regret. No? You almost moved his hair out of his forehead, but reminded yourself of what he would say about it.“The man is safe,” you whispered. “Your hit wasn’t that powerful, after all.”And, with that, you left, warning every guard to leave him alone and his corridor, untouched, like he had always asked.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Shino’s bugs gave you goosebumps, but you tried loving them, because, otherwise, he’d be hurt.Six days had passed since the incident with the slimy creatures and that was the only thought on your mind. Although, not by choice. There was no much else to think about — you hadn’t even taken a glimpse of Gaara nor Kakashi during that time.The absence of Gaara could be easily understood. You lived in different worlds. All of your meetings had been due to the mission. Taking an oath to care for him didn’t mean much when you weren’t allowed to be five meters within his space. But it was the way the world spun, and you had imagined it would be that way ever since your first encounter with him.Kakashi, however, was another matter altogether and it had kept you awake at night. At first, you refused to listen to the thoughts that suggested he was avoiding you on purpose. You knew you were prone to overthinking and misunderstanding signs in the name of anxiety, so you tried ignoring what your mind had to say. But ignoring it only gave it a clearer sound. As the days passed, you started having anxiety over having anxiety — what if he not only was avoiding you, but the whole ordeal was a test to see if you would take action in the face of opposition?As such, you worried about worrying too little. But then another wave came and you disregarded your own thoughts, thinking you were being silly, like always. A true, prepared shinobi would never act that way. It made you question your nature and your training. So you worried about worrying too much.And that had been only the third day of his sudden disappearance.Every morning, you entered the small section resembling a kitchen that was reserved for the Leaf shinobis inside the palace. It was small, sand-filled, but it contained a counter and a table with three seats. Besides, it was one of the few places besides your room within the royal area that you were allowed to enter, so you tried to look at it with a certain fondness.Although Kakashi used to be around during breakfast, he stopped coming after the incident. So you and Shino, ever since then, ate alone.He wasn’t unpleasant. He mostly kept to himself, but would randomly mention facts about the animal kingdom or trivia about your training rule book whenever he felt like it. You were one to enjoy such little information, but you had the feeling you’d enjoy it much more if your mind wasn’t falling apart.Either way, you became used to entering the place with a careful pace to your step, watching out for any bugs that you could accidentally walk over. Eating surrounded by insects would be written alongside your other biggest nightmares, but Shino was a nice man, and he did see each one of them as individuals. It would be too cruel not to take those measures.But, as nice as he was, his presence was a big factor to your sudden, but steady, descend to madness. All because, after having breakfast, he would get up from his seat, realize you weren’t following and, every day, without failure, ask: “aren’t you coming to the meeting?”. To which you had to reply, “no, I’m not” without sounding like you were trying to kill him. Because, really, it wasn’t his fault.There was a certain procedure in the shinobi world in dealing with team missions. It required the leader to invite you to them.However, after the fourth day of that routine, you did begin to wonder if you had been invited after all. It was possible it all had been a misunderstanding, right? You knew Kakashi. You could even dare to say he didn’t hate you. Maybe the message hadn’t arrived to you, or he expected you to simply follow Shino. So, mustering all the courage you could, you told Shino you would go with him this time. Only to arrive at the meeting spot and hear Kakashi say “let’s move somewhere else” upon seeing you. Shino went, and even looked behind him to nod his head in your direction, but you refused to go. You could take a hint.So you soon stopped worrying if something was wrong. You became certain of it.But with the world already falling on your back, how could anyone expect you to carry a bit more?You didn’t know what to do. You merely looked at your hands, stuck in a thoughtless maze for some time. They had taken you out the team, then let you in the team, only to take you out the team again. It was like your emotions was somebody else’s playground. They made decisions at your expense.Someday, you weren’t sure which, Shino entered the kitchen and, with a different shine in his glasses, pointed at you. “I just remembered. Gaara had asked me to tell you’re in the hunt,” he said.The coin dropped. The emotion came all at once. It didn’t mean anything new — silly Shino was only mentioning what had happened before Kakashi turned his back on you.You replied with all the bottled whiplash the world had given you in your life.You bawled your eyes out.Right there, in the middle of the kitchen, Shino watched you cry with his hands in his hair, panicking. Uncertain of what to do, he asked, “do you want some sugar?”Soon enough, you were sitting on the sofa with a chocolate bar in your hand and your cry had somewhat settled.“Thank you for the chocolate,” you said, still nibbling on the candy, feeling your puffy eyes weigh your face down.Shino pushed his glasses up, replying lowly. “Ants like it too.”Despite everything, you chuckled. “Did you just decide what to do by comparing me to ants?”You were kidding, but he sounded serious when he replied. “Yes,” he said. “It is the insect most like you.”Without much will to talk more, you inquired with your eyes.“They are very determinate and hard-working,” he began explaining. “But once the trail ahead of them disappears, they don’t rely on their senses anymore and just… lose their minds.”You chuckled again, weakly this time. Then, you sighed, letting your head hit the sofa. “I feel like all I’ve done is try to forge a path on my own. Nobody wants what I want and nobody believes what I believe,” you said, feeling your voice get heavier and your chin, tremble. “Even though they see it killing me.”“You are an ant without a colony, then,” he concluded, quite simply.“It’s worse. I have a colony, but it decided I am crazy,” you said, then sighed again.Shino raised his hand, watching one of his bugs on top of it with the most attentive eyes. “Then it is not your colony.”You closed your eyes, fighting the tears gathering. “I dream of the privilege of being liked by the world I was born into,” you confessed. “I know it’s not very shinobi-like to say this but—”“I like you,” Shino said, forcing you to open your eyes in shock.He was watching you. Behind his dark glasses, you could imagine his matter-of-fact stare, as if it was true. As if it was easy.“I like you too, mister Aburame,” you replied, after a slight shock, hugging him by the side, which he avoided a bit. “You are the bestest.”So, for a short while, he became your world.Your mind was too overwhelmed, and your soul was too tired to do anything. You refused to think beyond the kitchen walls. You just tried breathing in and breathing out, being accompanied by smaller beings whenever Shino left when he was called.Shino’s bugs gave you goosebumps, yes. But you tried loving them anyway, because, otherwise, he’d be hurt.And every time you decided the place you wanted to step on, precise and small, in order to avoid the creatures, you took control of your life. You decided where you belonged. You were making a decision that mattered.You were giving someone else relief.It was a thin thread of kindness that kept you sane, while you waited for the Leaf official to send you home.After all, it wasn’t enough that Kakashi alienated you — he had yet to fully let you leave.He was keeping you in an area smaller than a children’s playground.And you were, somehow, expected to figure out why, while relearning how to breathe.Thinking about it once again, your shoulders dropped, and you almost let the glass of water in your hand fall.On that night, you realized: if it wasn’t for Kai, you wouldn’t be a shinobi anymore.But Kai was dead. You watched his murder. You watched it well.You suffered due to your own hands’ doing, while he was blameless when he passed.Kai was dead, yes.You were tired, and confused, and Kai was dead.It was a cold night, the wind was calling, but Kai was dead. Kai was dead.Kai was dead. And someone was behind you.You jumped in place.It was Kankuro. He smiled awkwardly, then showed you his shoulder.You let a sigh in relief.It was time to change the bandages.Soon, you found yourself on royal grounds again, as you had been doing occasionally that week.The night outside made its presence known through a small round window in the infirmary. You were tying your hair the way you always did when you needed to focus. In the background, you could hear the wind blowing against the domes. There seemed to be a light sand storm.“I’m sorry for calling you so late at night,” Kankuro interrupted the silence surrounding you two. He was sitting on top of a simple hospital cot, and the equipment made you wonder just how often Suna authorities got injured in order to have one at their home. “It’s just that… I have a meeting now and its appearance could be a bit better.”He seemed shy. Maybe not healing as fast as his brother was a reason for embarrassment.You smiled timidly, still not over the scare. Or your thoughts. “I’m sorry for hurting your shoulder,” you replied.Kankuro dismissed it by waving the hand under the unhurt shoulder. “It was a favor you did for me. It wouldn’t have crossed my mind to hit someone to end a genjustsu…”It was basic knowledge, but, precisely because it was basic, it was so easy to forget.“An ex-teammate of mine was very skilled at them,” you replied as you turned to get scissors. Maybe because your mind was aloof, your jaw didn’t even tense up as you mentioned Kira. “I studied them a bit in case I ever come across him again.”He raised his eyebrows. “You sound determinate. But that’s why I called you, y’know. I figured you’d know how to treat it the best way since you…”“Since I was the one who threw a kunai in your direction, my lord, yes,” you joked, already cutting down the old bandages. Some of them needed the scissors, others didn’t.Kankuro slouched down. “I’m no lord.”“In a way, you are,” you protested. “Do you not like being one?”“Dunno. Kinda wish things were… simpler. I don’t like dealing with a lot.”As you continued changing the bandages, you guys talked.“Are you the oldest of the siblings?” you asked.“No, Temari is. But she really doesn’t like being bossed around, and no one can really control her.”“It does seem like you are the most malleable one of the three,” you agreed with the judgement.However, Kankuro still seemed slightly down. So you tried amending things.“But, still, more chaotic than most. Like a true son of Suna.”“I miss being chaotic,” he confessed, looking ahead. “I miss the liberty that I had as a child. But I wouldn’t go back to that.”You raised one eyebrow. “Do you enjoy more the trouble an adult can cause?”“Well… yeah.” He chuckled. “But, at the same time, I am glad I don’t see my father as much.”You didn’t know what to reply to that.Although it wasn’t official, Suna’s royalty was made clear in moments like those: his sons had the liberty of talking about the Kazekage. You, a mere peasant, did not.Kankuro sighed playfully. Somehow, he could do that.“See, that’s the effect he has,” he complained, playfully still.You turned to get alcohol to clean the wound, which still bled a little.“I thought you saw him plenty, if I’m honest,” you tried continuing the subject in the best way you could.“It different when he thinks he can teach you something. It’s better when he doesn’t think you have much value. Once he figures out he has no special place for you, the interactions with him become more limited. I’m just the message boy now. Gaara, on the other hand…”Silence irrupted once again. By the lack of sound outside the window, the sand storm had subsided.“Lord Gaara is so private I feel disrespectful by even inquiring about his life,” you explained, a bit uncomfortable. You were uncomfortable before you came in and you stayed uncomfortable as you talked. It was only made worse by the mention of Gaara’s past. You knew bits of it, as everyone in Suna, and the heaviness was not welcomed by you. Not usually, and especially not on a night already so plagued by regrets, with a strong scent of death.“I can just tell you, then,” Kankuro said. He didn’t realize you were avoiding the subject. If he had, you had the impression he wouldn’t mention it. “He’s my father’s prize. Well, he didn’t use to be, and that was hell, but then he became that, and… it seems worse, somehow. Like hell just got bigger.”You avoided eye contact as you rubbed the cleaning tissue against his shoulder. “I’ve heard of the Kazekage and of lord Gaara’s past… It’s weird, but I was under the impression they cut off contact,” you tried interacting as best as you could.“Their relationship is unknown even to me, to be honest. None of them are the speaking sort. But Gaara would never stop talking to our father. It’s like it’s physically impossible for him to.”Your eyes widened and you stopped moving. “Physically?”“No, not bound to it by jutsus and stuff,” Kankuro was quick to explain. “But, y’know, love. If Gaara can even feel that.”At the sound of it, your breathing resumed. You began placing the new bandages.“But it’s not his fault if he can’t. Our father can not love. And, out of the three, he was the only one who didn’t get to meet our mother,” Kankuro continued.Your eyes were down. “It must’ve been lonely.”“Yeah,” Kankuro sighed. “Sometimes, I regret not standing up for him before, but it’s pretty pointless. I wouldn’t have won. I never win when I’m against any of the two.”The image of child Gaara stuck to your mind. His mother wasn’t around, and his father punished him for it. He was practically an orphan. Or something worse.“I bet he blamed himself,” you concluded, throwing the old tissues away, having finished the job. You weren’t sure if you had heard lord Kankuro’s last sentence.“Do you? I wouldn’t know. I don’t talk to him about it. It’s like… It’s like…”Kankuro sighed, looking at his hands.“Gaara’s lived a pretty difficult life, y’know. Not only as a child, but when he grew up, things got worse. From my point of view, at least. It’s one thing to kill as a shinobi, but the things our father has made him do… He has to be the monster everybody thinks he is. It’s important for the village. It protects us against the other nations. I think everyone believes it enough already, but… But our dad wants to see it.” Kankuro gulped. “Gaara has been trained to react to his voice. But our father only ever says ‘kill’.”Kankuro’s gaze sharpened. The words came out of him with more difficulty.“After the missions are done, after our father has decided what he wants, and how he wants, after he sends Gaara to rip, tear and destroy more than he should, much more than what was necessary… He organizes meetings like this and tells me to talk nicely. To apologize, I guess. Everyone’s so scared they accept it,” he let out at once.His words came as a river — overflowing you, although the coldness wasn’t entirely unwelcomed. You were certain you could do a better job of processing what Kankuro meant and giving whatever emotion Kankuro needed if your mind wasn’t as hazy, but, at that moment, you could only focus on one thing at once.You knew it was heavy for him, and you knew whatever evil that inflicted his family wounded him, too.But only one thing made its way to your heart. Only one sentence of his burned enough to leave a mark, and be remembered. As it stung, you tried clenching your fists for some grounding.As you did, you felt the scarred cuts on your fingertips. From engraving an arrow.“Do you believe it too?” your voice was hoarse as you cut the silence. You had to ask.Kankuro looked at you, unsure of what you meant.“Do you think lord Gaara’s a monster?”He was still for a moment.“I have to.”You clenched your fists harder.“Why?”“If it all comes down to it, I have to be able to stop him.” He stared at you while he replied. “Mentally, too.”You turned around. This time, you had nothing to do. You just wanted to leave, and that was the closest thing to leaving you could do, now.Kankuro noticed your stillness, then chuckled bitterly. “Is it too awful?”“If you’re asking what I think, my lord…” you tried speaking with a clenched jaw, pretending to be getting something from the drawers, “not one person in this village would hesitate in killing him if they had the chance. Regardless of all else, he carries too much power to be not be a threat. He is already surrounded by fear and hatred. He has always been. But families are supposed to love despite. To believe despite.”To protect, you thought. But it sounded too hypocritical to say it out loud.Kankuro thought about your words for a while, then asked. “Do you think that’s what he’s repeating inside his head when he meets our father?”You grabbed the first thing you saw, then turned around at once.“I know a lot about people with power,” you started saying. “People that care about authority. Do you know what all of them have in common? My words bounce off of them like they’re against a wall. I’ve always been too meek. They’ve gotten where they are by refusing to give in to people like me. It’s how they keep their place. On the other hand, I know very little about lord Gaara. But at least I know this… out of all the times I’ve spoken with him, he has never once turned down what I’ve said before listening to the very last word.” You extended your hand, offering him what you had found. “And what am I? What am I compared to you two?”It was a lollipop. The type you gave to children after consultations.Kankuro eyed down the candy before replying. “Pretty sweet?” he said. Then he grabbed it with a smile.You couldn’t even acknowledge what had happened, determinate to make your point clear.Sometimes, if your message wasn’t delivered with the strength you wanted, you felt like you could die.Now it was one of those times.“Maybe he just listens,” you declared. “To your father, to the village, to you. Maybe he’s just very, very good at listening.” Your shoulders dropped. “Maybe someone should just say something good, for once.”However, the words echoed for a bit in the room before falling to the ground.The intensity you felt before saying fell flat against Kankuro’s high spirits.He took the lollipop out of his mouth, ready to change topics. “Do you know what I’m doing today?”Although the change in tone whiplashed you, you remembered what he said. “Apologizing?”“Yes. To the man Gaara hurt in that fight.”The sentence hit you with shame. You had forgotten about him.“Is he healing well?” you asked, cautiously.“Much better than me, at least.”“Did… did he say anything about the attack?”“There wasn’t one. He was hurt because, when the creatures appeared, the officials training there struggled to leave in a commotion. He was trampled while they tried to escape.”“The officials?” you asked with a questioning tone that was not intended.Kankuro frowned. “You probably know this too, but risking your life is not an easy thing, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for it. It paralyzes you.”Your whole body froze. He couldn’t possibly be mentioning…“I know this too?” you asked.He shrugged. “You’re a shinobi, no?”The air was let out of your body. Of course, of course. Very few people knew what had happened with you. And no one cared enough to mention it.Stop embarrassing yourself, you reprehended yourself in thought. But you couldn’t be too harsh. It was a tense night, after all.“Anyway. I’m probably late,” Kankuro said, as he stood up. Before he left, he stopped by your side, then said: “I owe you one, doc.”He didn’t owe you anything, of course. It was your job, your duty.But, watching him leave quickly, you did think of a favor he could do.“At least show me the way out…” you whispered, knowing it was too late.What a strange conversation, you thought, as you passed through corridors. And what a strange guy.You stopped in place, looking in front of you, especially at the awfully familiar-looking plant vase.
Have I not been here before?
You did not mean “before” as “sometime during your stay in Suna”. You meant “before” as “sometime during the seven minutes you were walking around the palace to see if you could find your way out”.Even the sequence of thoughts itself gave you deja vu — you had been alternating between thinking of your conversation with Kankuro and failing to recognize your surroundings for a while.But it was an odd conversation… you thought again. Why did he change spirits suddenly like that?At its very core, maybe the reason for your overthinking was very simple. He had shifted demeanor right after you stopped speaking. Not only that, but right after you stopped speaking quite passionately. Maybe you weren’t bothered by Kankuro’s change, after all.Maybe you were simply… ashamed.The conclusion gave you shivers.
Did he think I was overbearing?
Did it matter if he did?Your shoulders dropped. I have so many other problems to deal with, and this is what my mind decides to be bothered by.At that moment, letting your shoulders drop lower, you turned around a corridor, and, among the many other problems you had, another one appeared.The door to Gaara’s corridor — it was open.After the day you found him, its appearance was ingrained in your mind. Although you were lost, you were certain this one was it.And it wasn’t fully open, no. Just partially. As if it hadn’t been on purpose.Or, worse, as if it hadn’t been him.Your feet acted without your permission, going forward. But you stopped yourself in time just before you crossed the opening.Would you be overbearing this time, too?It was one thing to see him hurt and act — but taking preventive measures?Did that signal, the slight breach in between doors, even mean anything to warrant your worry?What even was the difference between a potential intruder and yourself?All these questions made way to your mind as you considered your options.It would be wise to just leave. No one would fault you for having ignored it. No one would even know. Besides, you didn’t know how Gaara would react if you simply showed up and nothing was wrong. You couldn’t even trust his reaction if something truly was wrong and you actually managed to help him. What if you hadn’t seen him because he simply refused to? What if that had been the last straw for him?But…What if he was hurt?The image of him unconscious, shaking, flashed your mind. Suddenly, it was as if you were touching the gelid skin of a boy on the ground all over again.He seemed weak before. You still didn’t know for sure what had made him pass out.Was he sick?If he was, could you even trust someone knew?Could you even trust someone cared?The previous conversation rung inside your ears. Do you think lord Gaara’s a monster?, you had asked.I have to, it was what his brother replied.You clenched your fists at the memory.Well, you didn’t have to.Not your country, not your family, not your duty, not your oath. Nothing forced you to hate him.Others didn’t have that privilege, you realized. They had the perfect excuse not to care.But you didn’t. You couldn’t hide your shortcomings with pretense.All that held you back was your conscience.But you wouldn’t let a hollow sense of propriety stop you from reaching out. Not again.And you had very little else to lose.You breathed in deeply, before setting foot inside, doing your best to be as quiet as possible.The corridor seemed spotless, the very same way you had left it before. At first, passing through rooms, you were convinced nothing had actually happened and even intended on just turning back. Walking around, you found yourself flinching at nothing, worried Gaara or one of his servants would catch you snooping.But precisely that thought made you suspicious enough to stay: there were no servants around. You knew they were only a few in Gaara’s place, compared to the rest of the palace, but it was still too early for them all to have gone to bed. At least one should’ve been there.It was strange enough to press on. And, as you got deeper into the corridors, muffled, deep tones sounded behind walls.You crouched down, startled at first, but kept on walking.The quietness of the place helped you in following the almost just as silent conversation. Your training also played a part in aiding you — it was almost like trying to find a heartbeat.I will see what it is and then just turn around, you thought to yourself. If he’s obviously fine, I’ll stop listening to it.At that point, you were just assuming Gaara was part of the conversation. You still couldn’t tell or hear correctly.Soon, however, you found the room they were in. You gathered all the courage you had and approached the closed door. If Gaara could tell your chakra well enough to feel it at that spot, he most likely started feeling it way sooner. Either he already knew you were there or he had no way to tell, so that aspect of the endeavor was out of your mind.You placed your ear against the door. You could distinguish two voices. Gaara’s and someone else’s.“So tomorrow you travel north?” the unrecognizable man said. His accent was distinct, but you could not tell where it was from. Regardless, it rang deep and he sounded impatient.“Yes,” Gaara replied. Short and brisk. Upon hearing his voice, you let out a breath of relief. At the very least, he wasn't unconscious.You closed your eyes, feeling a mixture of comfort and frustration. It was comforting to know he was well. It was frustrating having let it all get to that point.“I expect you to hold your end of the mission,” the man said, and the choice of words caught your attention. Seeing the way he spoke with Gaara, he probably held some authority. “Can you guarantee it?”Either way, you had achieved what you wanted. You knew he was fine, so you had to leave.Before you stepped aside, however, a sound startled you: a grunt. A sudden release of tension that reminded you of a fight. That reminded you of pain.Instead of leaving, you pressed your ear closer.“Are you well, Gaara?” the man spoke with a composed suspicion. “Do you refuse to talk?”You inhaled sharply.“I— I—” Gaara’s voice finally sounded. Well, if you could call it a sound. It was strained and choppy, and his breathing was louder than his words.Exactly like you had heard a week before, in that very same hall.His sickness, his wound… whatever it was he had was acting up again. And, now, it was in front of a man who, you felt, could slice his throat at that very moment.Anyone would kill him if they had the chance, you were reminded of your own words.If he passed out in front of a foreigner or even an ill-intended Suna citizen, you could not imagine what would happen if word came out that he was weak.His world wouldn’t forgive him for a second if he showed fragility. All of his image would come crumbling down at the blink of an eye, and the sharks around him would dash at the smell of blood. That is to say… if the man behind the door didn’t take the opportunity to finish him right there.You hated to admit it, but at that second you sounded like Gaara’s father. At the very least, that meant the Kage wouldn’t behead you for what you were about to do.You barged in the room, with your back curved and your eyes shut tight.“I apologize, young master, I know you asked us servants to not come out at this time,” you took a leap of faith in assuming what Gaara had done. He wasn't your problem at that time. You had bigger fish to fry. “But the Kazekage has asked you to go to his quarters immediately.”You heard Gaara swallow his words, and it sounded like a surprised “what?”The other man hummed. You imagined he analysed you.“Do you always allow your servants to barge in?” he asked, the mellow tone of his voice clashing against the cruel nature of his words. “In my home, they sweat in fear of being too nosey.”“Do you suggest, then, I defy my father’s orders?” Gaara spoke. His voice still was rigid, but he was making his best effort at letting the words come out. “Do not forget yourself. This is not your home.”A beat of silence followed. You could hear your blood flowing inside your ears.Then, the man sighed, resigned.“I’ll watch and see if you leave tomorrow,” he said. “I’ll keep an eye on where you are headed.”A gust of wind hit you. The man had left.It was only you and Gaara now.You heard his body fall against something, and his breathing sounded harsher still. You stood straight at once, opening your eyes, ready to catch him again.But, once your vision returned, you saw Gaara awake, sitting on a chair behind a desk. He inhaled and exhaled with force, seemingly grounding himself.“I’ll take care of you if you pass out,” you said, for some reason. Maybe you were hoping it’d comfort him, like the silly little fool you were.His gaze only grew sharper, turning at you. But only his irises did, the rest of his body remaining motionless.You started fidgeting with your clothes under his stare and his heavy breathing.“Your father is not calling you,” you felt the need to explain as your discomfort only grew with time. Well, not exactly discomfort. Just a “not being sure what to do”.Gaara rolled his eyes, and closed them at the end of the movement, letting his head hit the chair. “I know,” he said, then gulped. “He’s not in the village.”That at least meant he wasn’t too mad about the lie. Surely that could count as a type of victory.But your humble joy died shortly after.“What do you think you’re doing?” Gaara asked, coldly. Outraged, even. His voice was raspier than normal now that his breathing was coming back down.You watched him with the most careful eye, unable to stop yourself from fearing he would pass out. “Helping you,” you replied. “Hopefully.”At some point during the moments you’ve spent around him, you lost the caution of holding your words back.He didn’t move an inch. “What are you doing here?”“The corridor door was open,” you said, holding the fabric of your clothes. The reason was quite embarrassing. “I assumed… something was amiss.”Gaara raised one eyebrow. “So you took it upon yourself to solve it?”Of course.There was no other option.“I would not risk leaving your safety up to fate,” you replied. The words left your lips easily, without second thought, given how obvious they were to you. But you watched the weirdest thing happen: they flew around the room and, when they hit Gaara, it looked like it hurt. He opened his mouth slightly, and his eyes, for the quickest second, lost their edge. They were… round? And so incredibly green. You had never seen something so green in your entire life. “I would not want you to be alone,” you felt the need to add.But the moment faded out quickly, and he, as a whole, became sharper. His face was covered by a scowl, and his bright green eyes went back under the shadows of his blood red hair.“What about your risk?” he growled. For the first time, you heard him raise his voice, if ever slightly. “What if I were hurt? What did you think you would do? Defeat an enemy I myself would’ve not been able?”But you were unfazed. You were used to your recklessness being questioned.“Probably what I’ve done,” you said. ”I would interrupt the conversation so he doesn’t see you lose control.”He let his body fall against the chair, running his hands over his face, frustrated.But, then, he stopped.He frowned, lowering his eyes. Thinking. Running your words back inside his head. “Conversation?” his voice was so low, it was almost a whisper.You gulped. Oh, no.The air around you both became colder. His eyes turned empty. You could see behind them — he was thinking of what to do with you.You watched him rise with caution, placing both hands over the desk. Then, his slow steps toward your direction.His emotionless stare was not unusual, but, this time, it was different. He gazed in your direction, but looked past you. He was somewhere else, yet was right there, in front of you. Getting closer by the second.He stopped when your noses almost touched. You smelled some type of breeze, but you suspected he didn’t wear cologne. So it must’ve been just his ordinary scent.Your stomach was cold, and you assumed it was some type of tension.After all, you discovered you couldn’t be afraid of him, even if his eyes, that were a palm away from you, screamed murder. They were even more beautiful that close. You decided you were crazy that way.“How much did you hear?” he whispered. But he was so close, and his voice, so deep, your bones trembled under your skin.“Something about a mission,” you replied, whispering too. You had no reason to lie.He clenched his jaw. You tried not looking at it.“What mission?” he questioned again.“I do not know,” you replied.He stood there, staring at you. His pupils ran across your face, and you had the sudden urge to hide. His chest rose and got down steadily while he thought about his decision.Good. At least one of you was breathing.Finally, he exhaled one last time before turning back and going toward his desk again. “Be happy you’re such a bad liar,” he said. “You’re too easy to read.”Your heart thumped loudly against your chest and you were still rearranging your thoughts, but his words were loud amidst the confusion. Your previous anxiety was replaced by disappointment.You couldn’t count how many times you had heard that before, usually out of the mouths of teachers or higher ninjas, trying to convince you to stop. Sometimes they were backhanded comments, sometimes they were direct confrontation. Every time it happened, though, you couldn’t do much in your own defence. It was true.“I know,” you replied, defeated. “I’m not really fit for this job.”“You’re perfect for a shinobi,” Gaara finally said. Your eyes widened in confusion.“You’re like a ghost. You get close without me even noticing it,” he continued, sitting down again. “I turn around and you’re just… there.”You mentally checked: Gaara was not a sensor, then. And he also thought you could be a good shinobi, which made your made your mind tingle in excitement.But why did he sound as defeated as you?“You did it first,” you reminded him.“Do not dedicate yourself to me because of that,” he said, looking down. “You don’t have to.”“I am dedicated to something else,” you countered. Gaara’s gaze tweaked ever so slightly. “Keeping an eye out for you hardly costs me a few minutes a week.”He let his body fall on the chair again. Not out of frustration, this time. Just… tired. “It feels like more,” he confessed.It should’ve made you upset, but his honest comment only made you want to know more. After deciding you were telling the truth and hadn’t heard much, Gaara stopped fighting against his own fatigue, which, somehow, opened a breach in his exterior toughness.Through a window in the room, you could see the moon was high on the sky and the village settled down in silence. The white light streak coming from above illuminated him and, now, you could see the sweat under his hair. The meeting probably was too hard on him.Everyone liked to think of him as untouchable, as invincible, but you could not shake off the imagine of him laying on the ground, forced to shut down from exhaustion. A young man, still not even twenty-five, dealing with powerful leaders from enemy nations since he was fourteen. You knew he was often more sought after than the Kage himself. The Kage was aware of his role, and his burden, too.But was Gaara?You wondered what he thought about his position. You wondered if he knew he had more power than the Kage. You wonder if he ever thought of doing something about it.You wondered how his day had been, and what sort of tasks he was obliged to go through, but that would be overstepping.You wondered if your presence was truly too much for him.“Would you like me to stop?” you asked cautiously.“Yes,” he said, lightly moving his chair from side to side. He still didn’t look at you. “You’re supposed to be afraid of me.”Knowing more about him was more enticing than his words were hurtful, so you pressed on.“Do you want me to be?” you asked again. “Afraid, I mean.”A beat of silence.“Yes.”You bit your lips, apprehensive. He was right — you should be. But you weren’t. Against your own knowledge, you weren’t.“You’ve never given me a reason to fear you, my lord,” you replied honestly, although you knew it would disappoint him.The implication was obvious. Regardless of what he had done to others, you wouldn’t fear him.It was so disgustingly selfish and yet, at that moment, it was also the truth.Gaara took his fingers to a paper on the desk, and started moving it around, lost in thought.He broke his silence some seconds after, asking, “back then, during the chuunin exams, do you know why I got so close, so silently?”You blinked. “Isn’t it your nature?”“I intended on killing you all,” he stated. “Maybe that’s why I hate your eyes. Maybe that’s why I threw you against that wall. I can be a lot of things, but I’m not a liar. And your eyes are so gullible, they make me one.”You raised an eyebrow. “You hate my eyes?”“Do not turn me into a liar,” he said, raising his voice slightly. Your lack of shock seemingly hit a nerve. “As you seem adamant on calling me your lord, take it as an order. Don’t look at me like that anymore. Don’t approach me with bold steps. Don’t enter my rooms without fearing for your life.”You pretended to look around. “I’m in your room now, but you’re not doing anything.”Gaara rose at once, slapping his desk with force. “This is the last warning, Hoki,” he declared, louder than ever.It startled you at first, but your position remained the same. The last warning of what?, you wondered. You were simply stating you were not too afraid to treat him whenever he needed. That you, as a medic, wouldn’t stop from making sure he was safe. It was hardly controversial.You raised your chin. “Do you realize why you even have to warn me in the first place?”“Because you’re a madwoman.”“Because you didn’t kill me,” you replied. “As far as I’m concerned, the purpose of a medicine is what it does.”Gaara scoffed, looking at you like you had lost your mind. “So, because I didn’t kill you, my hands are now clean? I am blameless?”As he saw you wouldn’t answer, he continued. Now, he didn’t look like you had lost your mind — he looked like he had lost his. Or, at the very least, he was about to.“I could not tell you a single name, nor recall a single face, of the lives I’ve taken. My mind is empty and my memory stays somewhere behind a wall. But I feel it. I feel the weight of every single one of them.” His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists. “Are you telling me the weight does not exist? That the blood I smell every night was imprinted onto me by casualty?”You didn’t think it was by casualty, no. But also not by will. Not fully.His words told a story that his past corroborated. But the image in front of you was not of a man standing tall over corpses. He looked like he belonged by the side of them.The blood he swam under was also his.Anyone could damn your weakened heart, and rage against his sins. But Gaara did not deem himself worthy of forgiveness, and you were not important enough to change his fate in any way that mattered.However, at least on very deep nights, you wanted to reach him gently for a bit. If anything, for the baby that was doomed by possessing death in his stomach. If anything, in name of the child who, like all the others, probably was afraid of the dark. In name of his mother.“What I am telling you is that I am not a Kage, lord Gaara, I am a medic,” you began explaining, carrying the same seriousness he did. “I don’t approach you in hopes of sentencing you of your crimes, but I’ve sworn to treat every life as worthy of being cared for. Do you not want to be cared for, lord Gaara? Are you this insistent about me fearing you?”“You do not understand,” Gaara spoke, shaking his head. “I have not been slaved away for nothing.”It was clear. His eyes begged: let me have this.But you had always been a terrible liar, after all.“I will not fear you, my lord,” you said, sorry. “You can’t give me anything I don’t already seek.”You tried not looking at his face. It was time to leave. There wasn’t anything more you could do.“I have done what I needed. You can rest now, you’re alone.” Then, you took medicinal herbs from one of your bags and placed them on top of his desk. They would help him sleep. “Take these, too.”And, so, you left.When you entered your room, you could not wait until arriving at your bed. You slid down the door, worn out.But you knew you had been followed. So you stood up, barely, and opened the door to let Kakashi enter.As you expected, he was at the other side.“Are you finally letting me go?” you said. It didn’t matter much. You were used to going back defeated and resuming planning so you could try to find Kira one more time.“You’ll go back to Konoha,” he replied and you almost celebrated. But he continued. “And, until the end of this mission, you’ll be on training grounds. Guarded.”You frowned. “What?”Kakashi didn’t move. “It’s an order.”You began shaking your head. “You can not tell me what to do.”“Yes, I can. You’re not going after us,” he lazily explained. “You’re not searching for him on your own, either.”The world stopped. Your gaze sharpened.“So it is him this time, then?”“No. We don’t think it’s Kir—”“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Kakashi,” you complained, exasperated. “Don’t take me for a fool. His genjutsu even caught you for a while. No other shinobi could do that.”“It was a strong jutsu, but others could do it. Other people from his clan, even.” Kakashi leaned against your room’s wall. “Besides, the man we’re following was attacking villages going north. We have no reason to believe he was the same person who attacked us here that day.”“So what was it, then?”“We don’t know. It was an odd attack, with seemingly nothing to gain. It doesn’t matter.”“It was for me,” you stated, turning to sit on your bed. “He was teasing me.”“For you?”His mocking tone got under your skin.“You don’t know Kira,” you snarled. “He does that. He used to say we’d train at dawn just so he could see the look on my face when I actually appeared at that time. He just enjoys seeing what I’d do.”Kakashi raised an eyebrow.“So the out-of-nowhere attack on the Kazekage’s officials, in Sunagakure, happened because someone wanted to tease you?”“Yes, why? That sort of stuff can only happen to you and your buddies? Maybe if I was an Uchiha you’d believe in the possibility, no? Or an Uzumaki, perhaps.”“Don’t involve your silly complex into this,” Kakashi complained, serious.It could not be your complex when it was the truth.“It is him, I know it. Why would be sending me home, otherwise? You’ve always let me tag along when it was random shinobi stealing from minor villages. You weren’t expecting it to be him this time, but it is, so now you don’t want me to follow. Because you think I’m too weak.”Stupid white-haired leaders. Stupid Kakashi. Why was his opinion worth so much? Why was your voice so heavy, already? Why did you feel like you could cry?“They’re orders,” he divulged, certainly noticing your eyes feel with tears. “From the higher ups. They think we have reason to believe… he’s receiving insider information.”“What?”You stopped breathing for a second.“You think I’m helping him?”For the first time on that night, Kakashi seemed unsure of his words. “They don’t want to risk it…with a Suna-born on the team.”You let your hands fall.“Guess you can’t change blood, huh?” You chuckled, bitterly. “Foolish me thought it was a compliment.”“I know it isn’t you,” Kakashi declared. “But it is convenient for me.”You avoided his gaze, not wanting to engage in that conversation any further. You were tired. It had already been a long night.Kakashi spoke again, either way.“Do you even want to kill Kira?” he asked. “Or do you just want to see him again?”You were adjusting your comforter on your bed, but you stopped at his words.A long night, indeed.“And what is it to you?” you countered between clenched teeth, turning with force. “Whether I want to kill him or cry in his arms, what is it to you? To any of you? What if hate him, then what? Or if I miss him? If I want to destroy or be destroyed, why would you or anyone from that stuck-up village have a single thing to do with it?”Your voice could probably be heard throughout the whole hall, but it was the section reserved for foreign ninjas, and you didn’t care if Shino listened to your conversation.“It’s all I hear, it’s all you say. Shinobis from Konoha are better. They are more prepared. They’ve seen worse,“ you mocked their tones. “And what about it? If you can see a hundred corpses on the ground, all belonging to people you’ve known your whole life, and not miss a minute of sleep, what do I care? If bodies are only bodies to you, then so be it! If you’ve lost your entire family in a war and still wake up humming and singing, good for you. I hardly have a family. And I’ve lost my entire world in an afternoon, murdered by one another, only to hear that I’m too attached. That I should’ve let it go.”Your voice began cracking. The tears began rolling down. But you wouldn’t stop. You had to tell him.“I can’t let it go. I can’t forget. So what if I’m the one that holds on? So what if I’m the one that remembers? So what if it stays in my heart, and it eats me alive? Is it your heart that’s being eaten? Then what about it? What is it to you?"Kakashi merely watched you, waiting for you to finish.You did not see an enemy in him, but it hurt still. It hurt so much.“If all three of us died that day and I dream of reuniting our graves, why do you care, Kakashi? Why do you care?”“You’re wrong. I remember too,” Kakashi replied. “But I can’t let you make that sacrifice.”He left before you could start punching walls. He left before you screamed.Not in anger, no. You didn’t have it. Anger required someone to be punished — you simply wanted to be free.You didn’t have freedom. You didn’t have choice. You didn’t have a pardon.You only had desperation, and a world you didn’t want to fall back on.What was to be of you, stuck in Konoha, alone with your thoughts?What was to be of you, if you stopped, even for a second?What was to be of you, simply?What were you, Hoki? What were you?The rest of the days were blurred. Maybe not even days. Maybe just one had passed.Maybe it was the next morning when you saw Kankuro again.You saw him, and you knew you had to continue. You knew you had to do anything you could to walk on the path you wanted.“You said you owe me one,” you said as soon as he approached.“Good morning to you to—”“Lord Kankuro, arrange me a meeting with the Kazekage.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I always know where you are,” Kira said, right by your ear. “I make an effort to.”
Your body threw itself forward, begging for air. Your eyes opened to see your badly-lit room, as your hands clawed around your comforter.The moon was high in the sky. You had woken up again.The dreams were common enough not to faze you, but the constant interruptions during your sleep were worrying. If everything went positively today, you’d begin your journey that same day. The exhaustion could be too much to bear.If nothing went positively, well…The thought made you chuckle. Had you ever heard about a meeting with the Kazekage that had gone wrong?Obviously not. There was a reason no one knew such a person.You let your body fall on the mattress again. Your mind, numb. You rubbed your eyes, sleepy, but it was no use. You knew you’d be awake until the sun rose again.Resigned, you got out of bed and, with a sigh, started packing your travel bags. Maybe the action counted toward the reality where he’d accept your request.You chuckled again. What would you even say?Surely he’d ask how you knew who he was. Surely he’d ask why you were confident.You could trick him — not everyone was Kakashi. Almost no one was. They didn’t realize that, apart from the gut feeling, you hadn’t the faintest idea if he was actually Kira or not. They never realized it didn’t even matter. That had never been the point.As long as you never stopped.You packed your kunai in one of the bags.As long as you moved from one place to another.You also packed a picture of you, your aunt and Kai.As long as no one knew your name.You carefully folded a worn-out letter, written on tainted paper, packing it as well.As long as you were his chaser, and not yourself.Then it wouldn’t hurt.As you expected, although the sun shone bright, your eyes were heavier than usual. They begged to be closed. You couldn’t do them the favor, however — you were in front of the Kazekage, sitting in the middle of his office.The palace could be seen as a gift. After the success of the Fourth’s reign, the council insisted something bigger and brighter was constructed in his honor. One could bring attention to the fact it also housed the very own elders who were part of said council, alongside their servants and whomever they saw as deserving, but few ever really did. In the end, what started as a single building, by the end of its construction, became the royal grounds, an entire part of the village dedicated to higher officials. Sunagakure, after all, was much more recent and much smaller than Konoha. Its leaders were less like governors, and much more like kings. Although the heredity of the title was not official, all the Kazekages that had been chosen were part of a single family line — the Kazekage clan, as it was fittingly titled. The Sand Siblings were treated like ladies and lords because, in every way that mattered, they were distinct from the villagers. Gaara, especially, was treated like the future Kage for the same reason.Gaara was also the reason Lord Fourth had such a prosperous reign. Everyone knew it, but that only meant everyone knowingly misdirected the praises. It was the Lord Fourth who ended up acclaimed, one way or the other.The fact of the matter was, although the palace had been such a welcomed gift, the Kazekage hardly ever had meetings inside of it. His usual duties took place in the village’s office, as it had happened with all the Kages before him. It was suspiciously performative, but, at the same time, it fitted the man you heard of him being: extremely traditional, and ready to give his life in name of his residents.His every action was taken with Sunagakure in mind — it was what you tried telling yourself when he smiled and his eyes followed the movement. Your stomach had no reason to turn in reprehension. He was a good leader, one whose commitment to the village could not be denied.But there was something off-putting about it.When you entered the office, the warm vapor of tea touched your face and invaded your noise. He welcomed you, then urged you to take a seat. His actions, never for a second, were hostile.And, yet, they were so completely… shallow.Shallow in the sense of importance. Shallow in the sense of urgency. Shallow, because you were speaking about his son, and his eyes were still on the teapot. Shallow, because you had called for his attention for a while now, with no return.“Lord Fourth,” you called him. With no answer, you made your voice louder. “Lord Fourth.”With a snap, his eyes turned to you. “What? Ah, yes. It will be ready any time now.”The tea, yes. He was talking about the tea.You breathed in slowly.“I have a request to make,” you said, with no hesitation. It had taken you less than five minutes in his presence to not dance around subjects.It was an argument toward his leniency, while all the same proof of his indifference. How could any attempt at severity simply bounce off his skin?Outside of the office’s sand walls, a brown-feathered eagle hit your ears with a screech. It wasn’t unpleasant, nor strong enough to pierce. The animal was probably far away and, for good or bad, it was a familiar sound within the village. You remembered it from your younger days. The bird started sounding in the beginning of afternoons and it kept going until the very final minutes of sunlight. You, however, throughout your childhood, thought it only appeared at the very end of the day — because you spent your days inside closed, dark rooms fit for tonic-making, you were only let out close to the sunset, and you heard the bird only then.As such, it reminded you of relief. It reminded you of winding down. It brought you back to when you looked toward the red sandy mountains around you, dreaming of a wider future. Dreaming of running.The imagery, and the sound, fit perfectly with the Kage’s smiley eyes, brightly lit office and boiling tea.Now, why on earth did it do that?Why was the Kage the only one unaware and unharmed by the dark sobriety which sunk deep inside all the other shinobis in Suna you had met so far?You could be being too harsh, too suspicious. His lightness had come as too big of a shock, but you had been prepared for the worst. By his own son, for that matter. Both of them.Maybe he lashed at them like crawling out of a cage, like breaking free from a cell. Maybe he gave to them what had always been his, but he could not give to the public.Somehow, that made it all worse.“Of course,” he replied, finally pouring the tea in his cup. “What is it?”But you would use it as an advantage the best way you could.“Are you aware lord Gaara will leave the village today? For a mission?”The Kage laughed openly. “Why, yes. He is my son.” He took a sip of the tea while gesturing toward his official garments. “I am the one who gave it to him.”You tried not turning your nose, although you could not tell what was funny about what you said.“And are you aware a small team from Konoha will also travel to the same region he is travelling?”“Hm, yes. I believe Kankuro was telling me about it. You are with them, no?”He pointed at you.You pointed at yourself. “Me?”“Yes. Are you not the medic who slashed him?” Then, a small laugh. “I must say, you gave me a bit of trouble. He had to appear in all his meetings with a cut on his shoulder.”Oh-oh. The thought of the Kage knowing you that well hadn’t crossed your mind.“He told you about that?”“Of course. Kankuro is an air-head, but he gives good reports.” Another sip. Before he finished, he raised his finger, as someone who still had something to say. “We have increased security around the training areas ever since then.”Air-head, huh?The Kage had a very interesting way with words.“Lord Kankuro has been the most perfect host ever since the beginning,” you felt the need to say.“I am glad to know it. Although he is not a host to you, is he, Hoki? He is merely a colleague from Suna.”He lowered his gaze, as if to not give weight to his own knowledge. But something about his tone…You did your best not to show surprise.“He is far above me as a shinobi,” you replied. “As a Suna son, as well.”The Kazekage nodded. You sighed, a bit nervous.So nervous, you forgot you had something to say.“Your request, then, is…?” Lord Fourth brought you back to the topic.You pressed your lips before replying. “Has lord Kankuro given you details about their mission?”“A bandit search, I believe.”You lowered your torso, even though you were sat, and looked both sides before whispering your question. A bit of it was theatrical, a bit of it was your own doing. “Have you ever wondered why they decided to go after him themselves, instead of simply notifying Suna about him?”Lord Fourth raised one eyebrow. “What ever do you mean?”You breathed in deeply. It was now or never.“Allow me to accompany lord Gaara in his mission,” you requested.The Kazekage let out the loudest laughter of the afternoon.Lesser women would’ve sunk in their seat from the humiliation. You, however, was quite used to it.“And why would I do that?” he finally asked, after laughing. “Gaara does not need companions.”You got closer to his desk. “He does not need any help in fights, I am well aware. But he does not enter villages as he tends to avoid stares, which makes his travels slower while he searches for paths and food, is that not right? Allow me to be that person for him. It will be helpful for all of us.”Any sight of chuckle rapidly disappeared. The Kage inspected you with a more careful eye.“How do you know that?” he asked.“It is a well known rumor among Suna residents.” You shrugged. “I take it is true, then.”This time, it was his turn to get closer. “What are your intentions, Hoki?”“I will catch the criminal before Konoha does,” you stated, with as much confidence as you could. For a woman that had lived her life running after illusions, it meant plenty.“My, oh, my,” he said each word with a pause. By the upturned corners of his mouth as he said it, you could tell it replaced his laugh. You decided it was a terrible choice — you hated the mocking tone much more. “And how would you do that?”“Finding him is only a matter of time, as is traversing through our deserts. They are simply not used to it. They will get tired more easily because of the sun and the terrain, while me and lord Gaara will be much more at ease.” You pressed your palms against the ground. You were both sitting on cushions, Lord Fourth being behind a desk, which made the action easy. “I know everything they know about him, so there is no information they hold over me.”He hummed before taking a sip again.“You have trained in Konoha, as far as I’m aware, no? You are probably similar in the traversing aspect,” he finally said.What didn’t that old man know about you?It meant he did remarkable research as a Kage and, yet, in that moment, it was also incredibly irritating for some reason.“Be rest assured, Lord Fourth,” you replied with clenched teeth. To your own surprise, they weren’t clenched because of him. “One does not simply change their blood.”“And why not simply go with them? You are also theirs, after all.”A very interesting way with words, indeed.But you couldn’t even focus on his suggestion of you being owned. Your heart had stopped in your chest.It would be very simple to get him on board. Knowing how deeply he cared for the village, one mention of you being cut because Konoha was too suspicious of your character would be enough to wreak havoc. Your training was shared by the two nations — you were a symbol of their union, even. To suggest they mistrusted you because of your birthplace, even though you spent your growing years in Konoha, was too insulting to be ignored. It would be breaking their deal.It was such sensitive information, you wondered why Kakashi shared it with you. Even if he did trust you enough to not use it against Konoha, it was an action that didn’t have to be taken in the first place. He was never one to explain himself.But it mattered little. You both knew you would never tell. It took guts to connect ties — it took many more to sever them. Regardless of how upset you could get, it was still the one thing you lacked.Especially in front of the Kage, you realized, in that small office room.He stared at you, looking for an answer, and the surrounding background disappeared. It reminded you of gazing upon the desert under the scorching sun. The dunes danced together, creating an illusion. You did not know whether you were close or far.He lured your mind with his serpent-like eyes, but your body knew it was best to run away. Even if your heart had stopped for a moment, now it beat rapidly in your chest. For a second, he let go of the caring image, and he positioned himself as a leader — unlucky you noticed it was too resembling of a predator.You were reminded of Kankuro’s words: it was worse when he thought you were of use.Maybe the shift in his demeanor was an omen. He was judging you.You had a feeling you wouldn’t be happy with either verdict.Still, even though your mouth was dry, you proceeded with the script you thought of the day before.“We disagree on one thing...” you started, stuttering a bit in the beginning. “They think the criminal is from Suna and I don’t. He started going through villages surrounding Konoha, but quickly changed his route and ended up here. They believe that means he came here to hide, because it’s where he’s from. I believe he’s still searching for something.”One drop of worry fell between his eyebrows. He tilted his head to the side, unsure.“As interesting as this endeavor is, I don’t see how—”“I’m trying to save Suna from public embarrassment,” you interrupted him. You could not afford for him to disengage himself.He waited for you to continue, not too bothered by being cut off. On the contrary, he was focused.You took a big breath.“If I am right, and he is from Konoha, then not much will happen,” you said, making an effort to pronounce everything right. “But if he’s actually from Suna, Konoha officials will surely use it against us. They will say it’s a problem we created, but they were the ones to end it. That’s why they decided to go after him themselves. They don’t even trust us to punish him correctly.”Your pupils danced around the Kage. You waited for a signal of sorts — was he tense, was he angry? If he indeed was, was it at you or at them?The worst thing, for you, was not knowing whether you were telling truth or lie. Somewhere between hearing Kakashi say they mistrusted you and the afternoon you were in now, your mind became stuck in a haze. Your feet gained a life of their own, and your mouth was their appointed official. That was, of course, a lyrical way of stating you had lost control.The cause was obvious: it was the loss of Konoha’s trust. It also made you lose your footing. They weren’t your home, but you were finding rapidly they were your ground. Steady, secure, receptive. A foreign land that took you and fed you with their fruits, quenched your thirst with their water, entrusted you with their purpose, and trained you alongside their sons.Your birth was Suna’s, your youth was Konoha’s. As a result, you had neither.A stranger to one, a traitor to the other.A traitor… The word sunk deep within you for the first time. You clenched your fists against your best knowledge, the sudden urge to cry overwhelming you.But you had to hide your worries behind a wall. You were speaking with the Kazekage, after all.And it didn’t matter what you said, now, in front of him, as long as he helped you leave Kakashi’s hold. If it all went badly, you could just run away.Couldn’t you? That’s all you talked about, anyway.“But if I catch him, Lord Fourth…” you made use of your last thread of confidence and threw a final line at the Kage, hoping he’d understand.You had to catch him so Suna could avoid the backlash that would follow from not handling a cross-nation swindler correctly. With luck, the rule-holding, guardian of his nation, traditional Kazekage in front of you would be convinced about the severity of the case, at the expense of his son. Although you had a feeling the last part wouldn’t be that hard on him.Lord Fourth placed his elbows on the desk, crossing his hands. He thought for a long minute before staring directly in your eyes.“And are you able?”A flash of Gaara shone against the Kage’s face. Heavens, they did look the same when they questioned you.Contrary to the first night, however, you were not as genuine. Not as honest.Not as blameless, too.“Yes,” you replied, simply.If all went badly, you could just run away. Just run away.“With Gaara by your side, surely there will be very little problems in your way…” the Kage was still speaking, mostly under his breath. It was relief he didn’t seem to be speaking to you — you hadn’t been listening. “On the matter of Gaara, however, I must inquire…”The Kage got up from his seat, going toward a window and gazing mindlessly through it. His arms were crossed behind his back.You lifted your eyes, following his movements. The tone shift left you uneasy.“He, sometimes, loses his head,” he finally said. “You probably know this, you saw him hit that poor, poor man. It is not the most dignified of postures. Not what someone would expect from a future leader.”You almost didn’t believe what you heard. The man was trying to gauge on whether you knew about the nature of Gaara’s actions whenever he went on missions. Whether you’d support the things you were subject to seeing while travelling by his side.Your stomach turned in disgust. How could a parent badmouth his child in such cheap manner? Especially when he revered at his actions. Especially when he was the one instructing him.It was your luck his back was still turned, so he didn’t see your eyes sharpen and your mouth twist at the sound of his badly-masked pretending voice.It was also your luck you didn’t have to lie when you replied.Not what people would expect from a leader? Huh.“It is exactly what they should expect of one,” you said. And the Kage finally turned.By his expression, you knew: you had gained your way out.Your feet were heavy heading toward the gate. You weren’t looking forward to seeing Gaara.You weren’t looking forward to anything, in particular. You had made that far because you felt you must.To put it simply, it was all you knew. Besides, the only time your heart was warmed by your thoughts was when they were filled with Aunt Amani. Kai was not alive to see Kira falling, but she was.You swallowed any bitterness in your mouth. She would see it, yes, and that was enough. She could not convince you it wasn’t necessary. She would not convince you it wasn’t necessary.But your feet was still heavy, and the sand around it didn’t help. It covered your sandals, pushing your steps down, as if begging you to stay.You were probably reading too much into it, however. You had been staring at it for quite a while.Suddenly, a thump. A gelidness of sort reached you.You shivered even before raising your head to see what you had hit against. There was only one thing that cold in the middle of the desert.Gaara, too, seemed to know it was your before turning around. He was staring you down from the moment his face became visible.When you looked to the side in order to recognize your surroundings, you saw a lower shinobi, by the side of the gate, staring at you in apprehension. They probably knew Gaara well, seeing as they didn’t have to shut their eyes. That was why they were afraid.Gaara started walking toward one of the domes nearby. With a flick of his hand, the sand behind you pushed you to follow him. You didn’t fight against it — there was no need to.“Do you not comprehend the language I speak in?” it was the first thing he said when he found the place he wanted. It was behind walls, where no one would hear you two. He harshly turned to face you as the sentence came to an end.Under the strain of his gaze, you lightly smiled. It was the power of familiarity. Finally, something in your life that was unchanging.“I understand you well,” you replied, as small in sound as the weakness of the smile.He inspected you, incredulous. His eyes never blinked.“Then it is Konoha’s schooling system,” he concluded. “It has failed you. You have learned enough to identify words, but not enough to grasp their meaning. Is that it?”You raised an eyebrow, well-humored still. “You’ve certainly mastered one more expression or two since we’ve last talked.”Gaara sighed as he turned again, refusing to meet your gaze. From behind, you could see his arms moving to rub his face. “I do not talk to you, Hoki,” his voice was muffled under his hands. “I tell orders to a wall and you pretend you hear them.”“I’ve never pretended anything,” you confessed. “Not in front of you.”Another partial turn. He faced you, but his body was slightly to the side. This time, his eyes were not only angry. They held an emotion you failed to recognize.Without realizing, you took a step back. You didn’t like this one. You had never seen it before.“To go in front of my father?” his voice was raspy, sounding more and more like something hurt. “To ask him… this? How did you even meet him that fast?”You opened your mouth to reply, but he was faster. Internally, you thanked him — you didn’t know what to say.As soon as you heard him, however, you noticed it would be better if you had babbled anything.You really didn’t like this new emotion. It cornered you.“Why do you even want this?” he questioned. His eyes were sharp, as always. Green, too. You saw the color well as they cut you. “Did I not give you what you requested? Did I not place you in that damned group mission? Don’t you have someone, other than me, you’re dying to pester?He stopped at once. A new thought came to him. Something he hadn’t considered before. “Was that all pretext?”His eyebrows were pressed together as he asked you.“No,” you rapidly, emphatically replied, shaking your head.“Why are you doing this? Are you taking advantage of me?”How was it possible his tone was never raised, his voice was a note away from a whisper, and yet it rang so loud against your ears?Upon hearing his question, it was your turn to press your eyebrows. How could you possibly?“What? No, how could I—”“Is it because you’re a doctor?” he interrupted you. “Are you aware of something you shouldn’t be?” As he spoke, you could see his chest rise and fall in atypical speed. He clenched his fists in an attempt to hide something, but you were knowledgeable enough to notice despite it. His body was twitching. “Have you used any of your weird camouflage jutsus and looked into something? Is it because I’m weak, now? Is it because you know my head is not working well anymore? If only I could, Hoki… If I could be me again, you would not dare to see me this close. You would not make use of my weakness to—”“Lord Gaara, breathe,” you begged him, raising your hands trying to calm him down.His neck was visibly strained from forcing himself to speak although his body fought against it. The veins in hands looked like they would explode any minute, now.Out of habit of someone who was trained to nurse, you took a step forward in his direction. He moved his arm and a line of sand blasted in front of you.“Keep your distance,” he ordered.The force of the impact threw you to the ground, but it shouldn’t have. A well-positioned shinobi stance would’ve been enough to keep you standing, but you had made the mistake of lowering your guard. Your head should’ve been in place.Gaara, too, was surprised to see you fall.It was not only you who was functioning incorrectly today. Under normal circumstances, he would’ve never allowed his eyelids to raise like they had, however slightly.In that moment, both of you realized you had an exhaustive list of fighting principles to uphold, and throwing them away in front of possible death was enough reason for reprehension — experienced shinobis doing it because of a petty argument, then, was cause for humiliation.As the grain of sands fell and settled around you, so did both of your demeanors.“I do have someone,” you finally said, cleaning your hands in your clothes as you got up. “I’m going after him.”“Do it alone,” his voice was as low as always, but you heard what he truly said: do it without me.A known aching touched your chest.You fought against your memories.You fought against all the attempts of handling your own matters, of running away from your dormitory in oddly still nights, of passing through all the roads necessary to find him. You fought against the planning, the studying, and the hope you held, freshly born and so utterly naive, then. You fought against the ghost sensation of a heavy bag weighing down your small, children-sized back.You fought and you won. Against memories, it was easy.What truly bothered you was not what had gone, but what remained: your incapable muscles, so ready to give up, your average strength, so uniquely lacking when compared to your peers, and your questioning feet, at an usual and total loss of where to begin. Your family, your name, and its legacy of standing out by failing on what was certain. Above all else, what remained was yourself, who, despite all the complaining, was not any different than your ancestors — so hopelessly common and unfit to star in a journey of revenge.Kakashi was right. You did have a complex.But the main point was simple. If you could’ve done it alone, the story would’ve ended a long time ago.You lowered your eyes. “I’ve tried,” you replied, still hitting against your clothes although they were, now, clean.You couldn’t see Gaara when he replied. It was best that way.“Why go to my father?”
I didn’t realize it would upset you this much.
You shook your head, somewhat sorry. “There was no other way.”“How did you convince him?”You gasped, lifting your head at once, finally hearing the unknown emotion in his voice clearly enough to name it. Of course. Fear.In a way, it was impossible. Gaara could not fear. He did not fear enemies, or blades, or blood, or death.Yet he constructed his life around avoiding one thing that scared him.Eyes.Gaara had always traveled alone. The Kage knew this. His actions were too gruesome, and his nature was too reckless. It was best that he wasn’t seen. They shared objectives no one could know about, let alone witness.How could you have possibly convinced his father to let him be watched… by you?It was the question that had been wrecking him since the beginning of your talk.But the answer was simple. You were painfully common.You were obviously not meant to star in a revenge journey, or any journey, for that matter. You were irrelevant. What you did or didn’t see, what you thought or didn’t thought about what you saw, why did it matter? What could you do? You were invisible. Practically a figure of imagination.For some reason, Gaara was the only one who did not realize it.“Whatever it is you’re about to do, it does not scare me, Lord Gaara. I’m just trying to leave,” you told him, after finally understanding.You took a step forward.He took a step back, still guarded.You sighed. He truly had no idea.“When you found me in that clearance, in the middle of the forest, I must’ve looked at you differently, no? I probably held a lot of relief in my eyes. Right before I threw myself at your feet,” you started. “Forgive me for the boldness, but I do not think you are not used to being met with relief. Not now, and especially not then. How old were you? Eleven, twelve? Probably as much as me. But I saw you as much, much more.”You would travel with him regardless. You did not believe Gaara could go against an order his father had made, whatever it was. But if your presence truly did bother him as much as he had confessed, you could at least try to convince him there was nothing more to your gaze. You saw him as he was.“When I saw you, Lord Gaara, I was relieved, yes. You held my salvation in your arms, but not in the way you think. I was just relieved you would be the one to kill me.”His expression did not change, but his chest changed rhythm. It was easy to read him when one noticed the pace in which he breathed.“There is something quite silly about knowing someone wants to kill you. I did not want to give them the satisfaction,” you continued, when he didn’t reply. ”You, Lord Gaara, prince of my nation and holder of the beast, you did not want to kill me. You simply would. That’s how I knew you.”Your jaw clenched as you said it. Something in you withered by admitting you, too, had believed he and the demon who inhabited him were one and the same.His shoulders, on the other hand, dropped entirely, and the tension he held so tightly throughout his body disappeared in a gentle sigh. Round eyes, again. So green, as always.“I’ve never gone to you because I thought you are anything else. I never pretended anything. Not in front of you. And, as it turns out, you’re not that special. We’re all shinobis. We’ve all killed, once.” You gulped. “I know I’m asking for another favor. I know all I do, in front of you, is to ask for favors. I know you’re not used to being asked. And it might take you by surprise that I come closer and closer, but it’s not because I don’t think you’d kill me. I’ve just made my peace with it a long time ago. So, please, let me come with you and treat me like the miniscule spec of dust that I am around you. Leave me to tend to my fate as it was woven and I’ll leave you to yours.”It was the end. You had said all you could.You stared at him, expectant of his answer. Partially affected. Partially questioning if you could truly count as a success if the man in front of you felt comforted by being seen as a beast. Partially wondering if there was such a thing as a beastly fighter. Was that not just a fighter?Before you could discern the expression on his face, Gaara left, hitting your shoulder on his way out. You sighed. He was shaken. He would’ve never trespassed the distance he imposed between you two otherwise.You could not blame him. You were shaken too. He had barely spoken, but the conversation cleared doubts you did not know you had.During the Chuunin Exams, Gaara thought he would kill you.During the Chuunin Exams, you thought Gaara would kill you.Yet, there you were. Alive. He not only left you untouched — he stopped someone else from hurting you.It was clear, now, as to why. Your easy-to-read eyes. The relief that welcomed him for the first time in his life.You stared at your palm, holding your hand, feeling the pulse beneath your skin.You were alive. Because you felt relief upon seeing him.It had been such a force in his life, it followed him through adulthood. It was clearly the reason he had let you approach him, although he didn’t want it. It was also the reason you couldn’t find in yourself to fear him.To put it simply, Gaara was as easy to read as you.In his way, he had always made that clear. He had never forgot.He cared.He cared, because he thought you saw him as a benevolent hero. And it made him feel like a liar. And he hated being seen as a liar. So he cared enough to keep it in his heart. He cared enough to want to clear it up.All the while, he also cared because… well, you hoped the skies wouldn’t punish you for assuming such nonsense, but wasn’t he… in his own way… thankful?Was it that controversial to imagine that a child, when not met with hostility for the first time in his life, would be thankful?He was thankful, so he remembered you. He was thankful, so he listened to your request, and placed you in the team you wanted. He was thankful, so he endured your approaching, and your sudden presence, and your eyes. Although he hated being seen as a liar.You bit your lip. Had you disappointed him too much by going after his father, by ignoring his need for privacy?Did you truly not have any other way to go after the man you wanted? Did you have to go with him, and antagonize him?Your questioning thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.From afar, a man sounded. “Where is she? I know she is trying to go with you, Gaara.”Your eyes widened, and you followed the sound to the gate.Gaara was there, still. A few steps away, there was your leader.In him, you saw a father, a mother, a nation. A home.Kakashi noticed you as soon as you arrived. “You are not leaving,” he stated, as if it was his choice.In him, you also saw an arrogant, pig-headed, jackass.“You are not the one to say,” you replied.“I am exactly the one to say,” he countered, unwavering. “Or have you forgotten the oath you live under?”Your mouth become dry and your breathing staggered. How dared he call for your honor as a shinobi when Konoha was the one to question it first?“My oath does not mean I stay locked up in a dormitory, wasting away, while you and all the Konoha-born ninjas roam free,” you replied, hoping the slight mention of the true reason of your fight around Gaara would shaken him up a bit.Kakashi did not as much as blink. “Your oath says you don’t decide that. Now, think of how much you’re afraid of travelling at night and leave for the village before the sun sets.”You clenched your fists with such strength your fingernails cut through your skin. What a low blow.“You’re being unfair,” you spoke, barely able to open your tense jaw. “You’re being unfair and you know it. I will report you to the elders, Kakashi. I will report you, your team, and everyone involved in stopping me from going on a mission for no identifiable reason. They’ll investigate it. They’ll find out why.”You sounded pitiful to your own mind, grasping at straws. The walls were cornering you by the second.You had hoped Kakashi would simply not care enough to try to interfere, but you had always been aware that if he decided it, your little attempt would quickly come to an end. As a shinobi, you could not do much when you were given an order. Except under very specific circumstances, the disorderly one was in the wrong. They would be the one punished.You always thought of running away, yes. But that’s all you ever did: think about it.In truth, you feared being disowned more than you could admit. You wouldn’t risk it and, as always, you wouldn’t fight.Especially not now when you knew Gaara did not even want you around him.But an accusation against a village that betrayed their agreement would not be taken lightly. It was your last resort. At the very least, Kakashi could fear damaging the relationship between the countries.Or so you desperately hoped that would be the case.“For no identifiable reason?” Kakashi questioned. “Don’t make me laugh. You’re barely a Jonin. You were never meant to be here in the first place. I brought you along, with no promise of your participation.”As much as you hated it, he was right.With the prospect of you going back becoming so inescapable, you took a step back, reluctant.“Please, Kakashi,” you tried asking, hoping your voice wouldn’t betray you. It did. “I don’t know if I can start all over again.”For the first time in a while, Kakashi looked at you like he tended to do. Like you could break.“Then maybe it’s time to just leave it in the past,” he said.You took another step back. “Kakashi, no. Don’t do this.”“Listen to your commander, Hoki,” he said, firmer this time. “Or you’ll go back to Konoha not by choice, but disarmed and subdued, as a defector, where you’ll undergo questioning and trial.” Then, he looked you into your eyes as he continued. “I give you my word of this.”Your stomach turned cold. You a whispered a defeated “no”.And, beside you, someone crossed his arms.“Who is her commander?” Gaara spoke, looking Kakashi up and down. “You?”Kakashi did not bother stating what was obvious.“And you are…?” he countered.“Just thinking,” Gaara replied. “The Hokis were relocated, and she, specifically, was trained by your people, yes, but also by her own clan, which never renounced their country, the Land of the Wind. Or did you?”He turned to you. When your eyes met, it gave you a little shock.“No, my lord,” you lowly replied, not staring at him for long.Gaara faced Kakashi again. His expression was empty.“Her family is known as healers from the Sand. They are paid, not by Suna, but by Konoha, because their permanence there, and the labour of their daughter are not conditioned by birth, but by a contract. They are Sunagakure-born and that is where they loyalty, undeniably, lies.”As he said “undeniably”, Kakashi swayed a bit to the side. It would be unnoticeable, if you did not know him that well. If you weren’t anxiously looking.“Now, do continue telling how she will be questioned and trialed as a defector by Konoha for following Lord Fourth’s orders, the rightful Kazekage of her land, instead of yours. But don’t do it for her sake,” Gaara said. “I am the one looking forward to hearing it.”For the first time since you had arrived, the wind blowing through Suna was as cold as the one usually surrounding Gaara. His final words, as equally gelid, hit Kakashi at once, and they left him silent.For a moment.Gaara looked to the sky and, noticing something, turned to head toward the gate. You were about to follow him, when Kakashi spoke again.“Think reasonably about this,” surprisingly, it wasn’t an order. It was a request. “He is not going to let you go this time.”You shook your head. “He would never let me go, regardless.”So you walked ahead, and went through the gate, and left Suna. Left Konoha, too.You were, finally, running away.After you two were far enough, Gaara turned to you. “I will walk you to the nearest village,” he said. “Then we will part ways.”You merely nodded. You did not think of what was to come.You did not think about what the nearest village was and what it had done to you. You did not remind yourself you had swore to never comeback.You did not want to.“Thank you, my lord,” you could only reply.And, although the world still disagreed, your opinion about Gaara did not change.What a prince, indeed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The visible desert was endless.A brown-feathered eagle flew over you and Gaara as you both made your way through it. Although you couldn’t be sure, you chose to believe it was the one from your meeting earlier. You also chose to believe it was the one from your childhood. You liked to think it was watching you.This time, however, quite unlike itself, the eagle was silent, and, as such, the only sound you heard was crunches as you stepped against the sand. Gaara had not said a word since you had left the village, and you wouldn’t be the one to initiate conversation. Because you feared bothering him any more than you had already done, yes, but also because there wasn’t a bit of you not overcome by tiredness.However, and this had come as a surprise to you as well, you weren’t tired from the travel. Of course, It had only been a few hours since you had left, but the desert just outside of Suna was known to take down even the sturdiest shinobis. As the village was located inside a crater, even the scarce rain that rarely fell was blocked by the walls of sand that enclosed it. Shino, specifically, had told you Kakashi and his team had chosen to travel above the mountains, and not leave through the gate, as that route was known to hold more moisture, although it did take a longer time.That’s how you knew he wasn’t coming to get you for now. He had a mission to accomplish and he could not waste time. The journey was lengthy on its own and they had no choice but to take the longest path. Even if the heat and dryness did not slow them down in the slightest, which was improbable, they would still arrive at a later time.In any case, your body was holding itself much better than you had imagined. You barely felt any difference in the way you breathed, and your legs were glad to step on fluffy sand once they remembered how to best do it, so you knew the harsh conditions you were in were not the cause of your exhaustion.You were merely sleepy.Your eyes had been begging to be closed for a while.And, at first, you did your best to fight against it. You believed you could hold it off until the night.But, although you were doing better than most shinobis, the sun above you was still too harsh. The top of your head burned, accelerating the rate in which your body wore out, and the bright light stopped your eyelids from fully opening. You had to keep them somewhere in between, which was somehow harder than opening them to their full extent. But those weren’t the worse parts.The undeniable, absolute worst part of it all was Gaara.He walked, and walked, without stopping to check behind or throw a look in your direction. You had expected him to analyse his surroundings once in a while as travellers always did to choose which direction to go, but no. He dashed through the desert with a fixed gaze and a certainty to his steps. He simply knew where to go.Due to his speed, you had no choice but to cling to him and, because of his focus, he didn’t realize the proximity between you two. You were directly behind him, watching his red coat move as he moved too. You were breathing the air surrounding him, and the air surrounding him, as you came to know, was so surprisingly, so incredibly, so deliciously… cold.It wrapped you in a fantastically gelid bubble, freeing you from the cauldron heat. It emanated from him, and the closer you got to his skin, the fresher the air that passed through your throat. It tasted like ice.Soon, your body decided it was the perfect temperature. So perfect, it lowered your walls. Your mind was, bit by bit, invited by the darkness. You could do nothing against it.You fell asleep, and your head hit his back.Gaara turned at once, holding you in place. You woke up to the pain of his fingers grabbing your arms. When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was the shock on his face. Then, confusion.“I thought they had attacked us,” he explained as his pupils ran across your body, looking for a wound, but it sounded like a question.You could imagine the look on your own face, lost and sorry, but you didn’t want to.“I fell asleep,” you lowly replied. “I apologize.”He clenched his jaw, but let your arms go. The trace of his hands was white in your skin from the grasp.“We have barely began,” he scolded you. His tone had not changed, as still and deep as always, but it sounded like a scolding to your ears.“I know. I apologize,” you repeated. “I sleep very little on usual nights, but yesterday was worse. At the thought of meeting your father…” you began explaining, but you watched his chest move quicker at the mention of the Kage, so you just let your words trail off. “I guess my body did not take it well.”Gaara watched your for a bit, then sighed. He was willing to let it go, but his clear discomfort made your stomach burn. He turned to continue walking.“Please, show me how to track where we’re going,” you requested. Gaara stopped in place, looking at you again. “I want to know what to look for as we travel to the village.”Your fidgety hands, grabbing the hems of your sleeves, did not lie — you were as uncomfortable travelling with him as he was travelling with you.“There are no clear tracks in this path,” Gaara replied, serene. But you felt your shoulders drop in disappointment. “Suna shinobis have to travel back and forth continuously until they memorize it before they become jonins. Or so I’ve heard.”You raised your eyebrow. You knew Gaara was a jonin, and yet… “So you’ve heard?”He stared at you. “I was born knowing,” he plainly replied.You held back a smile.Of course.You waited for him to lead the way again, but his eyes never left you. He watched you for a while before frowning slightly. “Why are you not a jonin?”He was probably thinking back to what Kakashi had said, but the question still caught you by surprise.“I am. But in just one area,” you admitted. “I am a tokujo.”Not being an elite ninja in all areas could be seen as reason for embarrassment by some, but being proficient enough in one aspect of training to deserve another title was far more interesting to others.Gaara was partially turned away from you, but, at your reply, he moved to face you fully. His eyes shone with curiosity, and you realized he belonged to the latter group. “In what area? Tonics?” he guessed, ever so eager to hear about your family.“No. That’s my mother,” you explained, lowering your eyes. “Hokis usually excel at that, but some of us were also born with abilities related to hearing and sight. We have low amounts of chakra, and an odd understanding of signs related to life, so that has given us a somewhat successful record of—”“Trackers,” he completed for you, pressing his eyebrows, as if finally unlocking the final piece of a puzzle. “Of course,” he whispered.At that, you could not hide your smile. It amused you how much your silent approaching haunted Gaara.“Or messengers,” you completed, as that had been the real reason for your promotion. It was easy to first think of tracking, however, given the life you lived.Gaara nodded, then frowned. “Wouldn’t that make you the perfect person for Kakashi’s mission?”You ceased to smile.You knew you were easy to read, but you hoped Gaara would think your obvious discomfort was due to being cut, and not because you were afraid of the political mess that would start if he discovered why that happened.“Kakashi knows me too well,” you replied, defeated. “Well enough to realize theory and practice are different things.”It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t the whole truth. To your mind, you did a good job.Sadly for you, Gaara still seemed like he had something to say. He even opened his mouth.But he, suddenly, stopped. Then looked behind you. You looked too.It was a sand… storm? A sand something. It had risen, a cloud of sorts, and was being carried by the wind in your direction. It was far, but it was fast, and it looked like it would be hard to breathe in.Gaara’s eyes narrowed. “It’s small.”You hadn’t turned away yet. “Is it?”It was getting bigger by the second. That meant it was getting closer at that rate, too.“We can probably avoid it by moving to the side,” he said, walking before his sentence ended.“Probably,” you repeated, under your breath. But you couldn’t take your eyes away. Something about it was too out of place. Too… familiar.You watched it move, and you realized it was too stuck to the ground. Like it wasn’t floating.Looking closely to the part that was never raised, you realize it moved in turns. It went back and forth, one in front of the other. It was too recognizable. No biped was that tall, but you were certain. They were legs.Without doing as much as blinking, you took one arrow out of the case tied to your leg. You took you bow from your back, which, this time, you hadn’t forgotten, then prepared to shoot. You felt the elastic stretch in your hand. Your eyes were fixated on the mass of sand flying toward you. Your hands, calloused enough to not be cut, were untrembling.You did not have a target, per se. To all intents and purposes, it was still a natural occurrence of the desert. But you were aiming, just in case. Just in case.Behind you, Gaara finally stopped. He looked at you, then at the cloud. His expression was empty. But he was waiting.You were too.For the cloud to stop.“Five,” you mistakenly counted out loud.Four, this time, only in your head.The wind was stronger. Your hair began moving. Few grains of sand hit against your face. You were standing in the middle of its path.Three. Two.The cloud was close, dirt and wind alike. The mixture blasted against your face, and you could not do much but close your eyes. At the very least, the position of the bow barred sand from entering your nose.But, as you expected, instead of proceeding, the cloud came to a stop.One, you thought.The winds ceased. The sand went back to its ground. You opened your eyes.At the very tip of your arrow’s blade, a nose. It was surrounded by a cocky grin, pressed eyebrows and upturned, green eyes.“You’re quite perceptive,” Temari said. As usual, you could not tell if it was a compliment or a complaint.Even after recognizing her, there were a few seconds of delay in you lowering your weapon. “Lady Temari,” you marvelled.She put away her fan, which you assumed was the reason behind the cloud.Temari got closer to you, her mouth right by your ear. “Just between us, it’s best for you if you stay that way. It’s not wise to rely on my brother for surveillance,” she whispered. “Gaara has a sentient shield. He does not know what it’s like to be slashed from the back. He does not worry about it.”She could not know, but your scar burned behind you. It was something to consider.“Thank you, my lady,” you replied.“What are you doing here?” Gaara’s voice sounded. You both looked at him.He did not look pleased. But he did not look displeased. He just looked dangerous. As always.“Dear brother,” Temari said, smiling at first, then scowling, “come here.”“Just say what you came to say.” He looked at you, before turning back to her. “She could hear us from any distance, anyway.”You almost choked. “What? That’s not…! I’m not…! It’s not to that extent,” you fumbled for words, trying to refute Gaara’s extreme overestimation of your abilities.“She’s a tracker,” he said directly to Temari.“Oh.” She looked at you in surprise, then turned back to her brother. “Just raise one of your awfully strong sand walls,” she hurried him, the irony thick in her lips.Gaara, very quietly, sighed, but moved to do what she said.You watched them walk away from you, then saw the gathering of sand and the rising of a wall around them.A part of you was disappointed. You could not hear from very long distances, that was true. But Temari had been smart about one thing: you still would have been able to read their lips.Chuckling at your own frustrated desires, you started swinging back and forth. There was only time, now.Time, the desert and you.After the wall was built, Gaara turned to his sister, waiting to hear (what most likely would be) her complaints.But, instead, he received a numbing punch to his arm.At that point in his life, he was used to his sister’s aggression. As he aged, so did the sand which protected him — it now allowed a very select group of people to reach him and, sometimes, touch him. Gaara, of course, did not think his sand (as impressive as it was) possessed ways of knowing who meant him harm and who didn’t. He assumed the sand responded to his own feelings, and to his own system of trust. As he learned to trust, the sand, too, rested. And he trusted his sister.But he did not appreciate the punches.“You can go back home, now”, he said, massaging the place she punched, and sulking in a way he only allowed himself to do in front of her.“I can not believe you made a deal with them,” she replied, much more serious than she was a moment before. Her tone was sterile, even.Gaara watched her very carefully. “What deal?”“Not deal,” she corrected herself, closing her eyes and snapping her fingers in an effort to remember the word. “The mission. I can’t believe you accepted the mission.”Ah.He avoided her eyes. “Lord Fourth ordered me.”“Gaara,” she started, calling for his attention, replacing her anger with visible worry, “the Kurama clan?”Gaara didn’t reply.“Do you even know why they live in secrecy?” Temari questioned, annoyed at his lack of response.Gaara resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but his tone was as harsh. “Am I a fool?”“Might as well be,” Temari countered. She approached him, holding his arm. “Do you truly think they have happily entrusted their secrets to you and father and are simply planning to let you live? They want something from this.”“Quite obviously. They sent me to get it,” Gaara replied.“Something they haven’t told you, genius,” Temari spoke between teeth. “Ugh. You’re so frustrating.”This time, he did roll his eyes. “I’m only as frustrating as you are stubborn. I am aware of the dangers,” Gaara explained. “I’ve done this many times before. Many more times than you.”Temari watched his gaze shift. He was her younger brother only in age. Both in pain and in labor, he had more experience than her. She knew that.And, yet, she couldn’t help but worry.“They’re watching you,” she said. “I know they are, somehow. They suspect you more than you suspect them. They’re making sure you’re following through, Gaara. That you’re doing as you told them.”“What’s the harm in being watched?” Gaara shrugged. But, inside him, something trembled. He remembered the words of the Kurama leader in his office. They truly were watching him. Gaara didn’t know how. It left him at a disadvantage.Temari let her shoulders fall. She questioned whether she should say what she was thinking.Expressionless, she finally asked him. “What about the girl?”Gaara narrowed his eyes. “What girl?”But he was being silly. He knew what girl it was. The only possible one.“I think it’s her, Gaara,” Temari confessed. “It only makes sense.”“Hoki?” he asked, just to say something. Or just to stall time. Either way, his shock was honest, and it showed.“It only makes sense,” Temari repeated.Gaara shook his head. “It’s not her.”Temari grabbed his arm once more. “How can you know?”“How can you know?” Gaara countered, staring into her eyes.Temari sighed, pressing her lips together. Thinking.“Isn’t it convenient that she appeared out of nowhere and insisted on going with you in this mission?”Gaara shook his head, immediately changing his mind and unlocking eyes. He could not bear to see his sister’s face. Something about the conversation was irritating.“Not out of nowhere. The opposite of it. She came here with Kakashi. She’s trained with him her entire life,” he spoke as though it was obvious. In a way, to him, it was. Thinking back on Temari’s words, Gaara pressed his eyebrows. “And how do you know she insisted on coming?”Temari ignored his question.“Exactly. She’s lived her entire life in Konoha. We have barely any record of who she is,” Temari explained. Even though Gaara didn’t look at her, she looked at him, and pulled him closer the more invested she got in her own words. “Remember we don’t know anything about the Kuramas, including how they look like.”Gaara turned to Temari, his annoyance turning into something more palpable, changing the tone of his voice. “Listen to the words you’re saying, Temari, treating her like an outsider,” he reprimanded. “She’s from Sunagakure. She’s been sent away at our orders. Her clan has sacrificed much for our country. For yours,” the final words, sharper.At that, Temari gulped. She thought for a bit, and her next words were softer.“I mean to say,” she started, slowly collecting her words, “the Kuramas are known for genjustus that go beyond human comprehension. What if they’ve done something to her? Taking possession of her mind, somehow?”Gaara scoffed. “Doesn’t that sound a bit desperate?”“I am desperate,” Temari insisted. “They were banished by the will of the five kages, Gaara. Our own grandfather wanted their entire clan gone. Up until a few hours ago, I thought they were extinct.”Gaara closed his eyes, hearing the true panic in her voice. But he did not know what she expected him to do.“Lord Fourth—”“Lord Fourth has an unquenchable thirst for power and he believes you are above all that is good and evil in this world. He places you amongst gods, Gaara,” Temari interrupted him. “But you are a human.”Gaara finally opened his eyes. “And what do you wish me to do? Go against him?”“No,” she confessed, upset at herself for doing so. “But do you truly have to go with her?”Gaara almost said yes, immediately. But she would not understand it. He did not understand it himself. There were numerous arguments against her going with him, and none in favor of her case.But he had watched Kakashi argue with her. He had watched him and the power he held over her life.It was an undeniable fact that Kakashi was within his right to do so.The honorable duty of a shinobi. The honorable burden.The honorable chains.All concepts known to Gaara.But, at that moment, hearing Kakashi speak, Gaara fought against the clenching of his teeth. Something burned inside of him.One should have the freedom to do as one wished, he felt.One should only bear the weight of their own life.One should—“Did you hear me, Gaara?” Temari called for his attention, taking him out of reliving the moment. “Do you truly have to go with her?”On the same line of thought, Temari, his sister, only had to bear the weight of her life. But she chose to carry his, too. Even if he disagreed, he could not dismiss her. He didn’t want to.“She’s not being mind-controlled, Temari,” he tried explaining.“You can not say that with certainty,” she insisted.“Yes, I can. I know her,” despite his own conscience, the words came out with ease.Did he know her?He felt like he did.“You know her, right,” she quipped. “For what? Two weeks? Not even that?”Gaara rolled his eyes again. “I knew her as a child.”At that point, he might as well just say everything.“What?” Temari stopped in place. “Since when? How?”“It doesn’t matter,” Gaara replied. “Are you more reassured now?”Heavens. How he wished for that conversation to end.“No,” she exclaimed. He sighed. “Why does it matter if you knew her as a child?”Quite weirdly, at her words, Gaara felt the taste of blood in his mouth.It made him nauseous.Thus, he was at his harshest when he answered. “How does it not matter?”Temari was surprised at his sudden sharpness, which, in turn, made her get louder. It was how she dealt with surprises. “No one stays the same from when they’re children.”“But it’s how I know it’s her now. I know it.”“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known her,” Temari stated.Temari’s voice was louder in each sentence. Gaara’s was raspier. The changes both served the same purpose.“It couldn’t matter more,” he countered.“How many people knew you as a child and saw your face as the last thing before they died, anyway?”Temari did not notice, and Gaara couldn’t have known, but his eyes became round. The roundest they had been so far.What Temari did notice, however, was how she had described him as a murderer. How cruel it had been, even to her own ears.“I’m- I’m sorry, Gaara,” she was quick to apologize. “I didn’t mean—”“I understood your point, Temari,” Gaara spoke. Needless to say, the ground seemed to speak with him. And, as what seemed to be usual whenever his heart was hurt, his eyes regained their edge with triple the sharpness. “I’ll do my best to keep it in mind.”The sand walls fell at once.“Go home, now” he ordered.And, although her little brother’s orders to the world were at best suggestions to her, this time, she did not find in herself to go against them.When Temari’s voice started sounding beyond the sand walls, you decided to distance yourself from it. You walked farther into the yellow desert, hoping it would be enough to silence their conversation. You had no interest in knowing what they had decided you shouldn’t. You wanted to, somehow, keep your peace.But there was only much you could do, having being trained to find signs of human life in the wild. Although you went as far as you felt comfortable, you still heard the most important words. Something about Gaara and his power. Something about children. Something about a girl.They were speaking about you, after all.You didn’t hear Gaara’s voice in the ordeal. You didn’t know if you wanted to.When the sand walls fell, and he walked toward you, something about his demeanor had changed. His head was hanging lower. But not out of shame, or fear — out of anger.“Come. We’ll find a place to camp,” he said to you, not bothering to stop in order to do so. You quickened your step to catch up with him, looking behind you to see Temari left behind.“So soon?” it was all you could say in between walking, looking behind and hearing him talk. You pondered on questioning about Temari, but ultimately decided against it.“Kakashi was right. The night will fall quickly,” he replied, detached.But why would it matter? Shinobis traveled during the night, depending on the urgency of their mission.You stopped, in surprise of your own conclusions. “Kakashi wasn’t right. I can travel at night, lord Gaara.”But he didn’t answer, and you had no choice but to keep walking.Soon, Gaara led you to a place in the desert where the sand was redder and thicker. Firmer.There was an already-made cave under a rocky hill, and that’s where you set camp. It didn’t go far, but its depth was perfect for protecting against the wind. In awe, you wondered if Gaara had known it before or if he simply was called to it. But you couldn’t voice your doubts. The mood wasn’t calling for conversation.The night had fallen.You could only hear the cracking of the bonfire in front of you.Gaara was further away from the heat, so his face was barely lit. But you could tell he looked at the sky.He had been at it for a while before he broke the silence. “My sister thinks you’re suspicious.”You had figured it out already, but hearing it said made you stomach drop just the same.A stranger to one, a traitor to the other. Unwanted by both. Essentially, alone.“It’s understandable,” you barely heard your own voice say.You couldn’t see Gaara’s face when he replied.“She thinks you’re being mind-controlled.”You pressed your eyebrow in confusion. “That’s… a bit less so.”“I disagree.”You raised an eyebrow. “You think it’s possible I am being mind-controlled?”“You’re not suspicious,” he stated, simply.At that, something in you was relieved.“I am glad,” you told him so.“I don’t know why.”“W-Well, it’s not an awfully good feeling when someone questions your—”“I don’t know why I don’t doubt you.”You fell silent. You couldn’t tell him, either.Gaara approached the fire. His pale skin, now, showed unusual undertones of pink. But the sudden coloring was not enough to take away the aggressiveness of his eyes, or his hands, or his jaw. The numb red of his hair fought against the shiny flames of the fire. The shadows produced by the battle covered most of his gaze.You gathered your legs to be nearer you. It would be wrong to say he was not threatening.But you hadn’t lied. You didn’t mind dying. It was a blessing in itself to be around someone who admitted what he was — your only fear was not death, but being caught by surprise.“I have to question you, now,” Gaara took you out of your thoughts. With him being by the fire, you could see everything, from his unwavering pupils to the movement of his lips. “She’s my sister. I try to do what she asks.”You hugged your legs. “Is it going to hurt?”Gaara frowned. “No.”“Then ask whatever you want to ask.” You shrugged.“What I have to ask,” he corrected you, a bit offensively.To your mind, he worded it like knowing you was a chore, but you didn’t mean to suggest it was anything but.“If you’re that hung on semantics..” you muttered under your breath, trying not to roll your eyes.“I merely meant,” he started, and the distinct tone in his words caught your attention, “what I want to ask and what I have to ask are different things.”Your shoulders fell. You didn’t know what he meant, but it sounded like he tried to ease you.“I’ll answer whatever,” you urged him on.He should do what was best for him, regardless of your convenience. He was accompanying you as a favor, after all.“Why did he want to kill you?”But nothing had prepared you for him asking about that out of all things. Sometimes, you forgot he was the only other person there, witnessing it all.You would be honest, however.“I don’t know.”“Couldn’t it be due to the scroll?”You shook your head. “We belonged to the same team.”“And the other one?”Your eyes moved to Gaara in a snap.Upon looking at him, however, you realized: despite his wording, his curiosity lacked the desire to taunt.“My cousin,” you replied, after a while. “He was on the team as well.”“You never wondered why?”You never wondered why he wanted to kill you?Sometimes. But it never lead you anywhere.“He confuses me in a lot of different ways,” you confessed.Gaara was unchanging. From his posture to his tone. “What happened to him?”“I am not sure. He just disappeared.”“Is that why you decided to track others?”A beat. You had to think about it.“No,” you finally said. “Just him.”Gaara looked outside for a moment. You even thought the interrogation had come to an end. Sadly for you, he went back to asking. “How do you know it’s him?”You didn’t.“The place he seems to be going to.”But that part was true.Gaara narrowed his eyes. “Why don’t you ever say his name?”A gelid wave hit you, but there was no wind around.“It’s Kira.”You lowered your gaze, so you didn’t see him raise his eyebrow.“You don’t sound like someone that wants to destroy him,” he stated.“Maybe I don’t,” you confessed. “But I will, regardless.”“Why? You don’t even care why he wanted to kill you.”You bit your lip. What was with the world and trying to convince you that avenging your dead cousin was a bad thing?“For my family,” you said, simply, fearing what would happen if you allowed yourself more words.“Have you seen him since?”You focused on watching the flames.“Once.”At that, Gaara stopped for a second.“But he’s still alive?”“I was too weak.”“You’re strong enough now?”You shook your head, hugging your legs tighter as you replied. “No.”After a few moments in silence, you raised your head, wondering if your voice had been so low Gaara didn’t hear it. But no.When you looked at him, he was already staring at you. Against the fire, you could dare to say he looked… soft. Softly. At you.At that moment, at least. But it vanished quickly.He got up at once, heading to the entrance of the cave. “You should rest,” he said.You almost got up with him. “Why are you leaving?”He stopped.“I will sleep outside,” he replied, without looking at you.“Why?”“It’s… It doesn’t matter. I will be back in the morning.”This time, you did get up, taking a good look at the night outside. “There’s a sandstorm coming.”Anyone could tell it was true. Far in the horizon, but not far enough to be safe, a dominating red storm took control of the sky.“I’ll just make something I can sleep in,” he replied curtly, trying to leave.You approached him quickly, almost holding him to say. Thankfully, you stopped seconds before your hand touched him. But the proximity scared you both just the same.“You’re supposed to be recharging your chakra, not using it more…” you tried convincing him. And, maybe it was the silence of the desert making you a bit insane, but you resorted to mentioning the prohibited topic. “You’re… weaker now,” you whispered.It was true. He had said it himself. He knew it.And, maybe it was the silence of the desert making him a bit insane too, but he didn’t rise to anger. On the contrary, he lowered his head. Defeated.He opened and closed his fists, uncomfortable, avoiding your eyes.“Do you not want to sleep here?” you encouraged him to talk.He turned to you in a snap. “I sleep without my coat.”Your eyes widened.There was no problem in that, right? It was not like it was unheard of in shinobi missions, men and women sleeping in proximity. It was not like he didn’t have anything underneath. It wasn’t like the cave was small, and the two of you would be close together. Not like you hadn’t seen other men’s arms before.So there was no problem in that, right? No reason for your eyes to widen. No need for his discomfort. No need for anything at all.But you watched him gulp. You watched tension take over him. You watched him undo himself in front of you.He was so awfully nervous, and it broke your heart. He was truly not used to being watched.But he noticed the moment you realized his nerves, and his face turned into a scowl in that very second. He ran his hand through his hair with force, frustrated.When his hair strands moved, you finally saw the sweat in his forehead.“How are you sweating?” you voiced your thoughts impulsively.Gaara tried to face you, but couldn’t look at you for long. “The sand regulates my temperature. In the desert, I am cold during the day and hot at night.”He was unquestionably discombobulated. He was even indulging your questions about him.But that was the good part of his confusion. The explanation was essential for you to gather the courage necessary to continue with the topic.“It only makes sense, then, that you take it off, lord Gaara,” you tried keeping your tone as medical and worried as possible, although the sentence was weird on its own. “Please. You must be baking inside of there, and with this bonfire, too.”You motioned to extinguish the fire, but Gaara stopped you.“No. Leave it,” he ordered. “You need it. I will just… sleep farther back.”You nodded, then watched him most carefully. What if he had been dealing with the heat for too long already? He should’ve told you sooner, the fool.Gaara found a spot deep enough in the cave to be satisfied, then lifted his arm up, following the buttons of his coat. His hand encircled one of them.You gasped, turning around, after realizing how fixated were your eyes. “I will… I will sleep with my back toward you, lord Gaara. Don’t worry. I won’t look.”You couldn’t see his answer, but you heard a somewhat agreeing grunt.Trying very hard not to let him hear it, you sighed.Who were you kidding?That was nothing like the other missions.Deeper in the night, you were already sleeping. You had been for a while.Gaara could hear your steady breathing, but he did not dare move his head and look in your direction.The black shirt he had on was practically nothing. If he felt like he could bear the heat or the expending of his chakra, he wouldn’t have taken his coat in front of you. But there truly was no choice. His arms were so sweaty inside the thick red sleeves, the stand stuck to them when he finally laid down, free of the fabric.It was one of the reasons he couldn’t sleep, he supposed. Feeling so exposed.But resting didn’t come easily to him, anyway. It was very rare when he had more than two hours of sleep. The last time had been…Well, thinking about it, it had been after you had given him the herbs in his office. He boiled them with his tea, and they had helped.He didn’t, however, have any more of them with him. So he used the time awake to think.He meant to think about the Kurama clan, and the Kurama leader, and the fact he was being watched. But, in the end, he found himself wondering just one thing.During his questioning, you went on and on about one ninja. The one who slashed you. Kira, he thought. It was all you talked about. You directed all your anger toward him. But how could you be so forgiving? Why did you chase just the one?Could it be that you thought not doing anything to help wasn’t as bad as trying to harm you?That was the only possible explanation.Because… why else would you never mention the other one? The one who was standing in the back, watching it all play out?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
SIX YEARS BEFORE
The papers were right in front of your eyes, but you could barely see them, with your hands, which held them, shaking as they were. Your breath was staggered, refusing to leave your lungs — the strength it took to force them out was like a punch to your stomach. Everything, now, was like a punch to the stomach.
Everything except the man whom you felt approach you from behind.
He was not a punch in any sense. Not a surprise, even. You could dare say you expected him.
Apparently, him always knowing where you were meant you could feel him, sometimes, coming to see you.
“You have to leave,” Kira said, before you turned around. But his tone was not angry. It was worried.
Worried.
Could you believe it?
In a second, you took a kunai from your pocket and ran to him with force. But he was quicker, and held both your wrists with his hands.
“Listen to me. Listen to me,” he begged, holding your arms away from him. “You have to leave. They know someone is here. They can’t know it’s you.”
“They?” you countered, twitching your body with all of your strength in hopes of getting out of his grip. “You mean, the Kurama clan? Your father?”
It was written all around you, filling the shelves. The letters he shared with his father, talking about their clan, talking about their family, talking about their plans. Talking about how he could never be found out.
You stared into Kira’s eyes while he held you. They reminded you of a friend.
Against your best judgement, you asked, “why did you never tell me?”
His jaw was tense. “How could I tell anyone?”
You moved your body with force once more.
“Why did you never tell me?” you asked again, feeling your voice stretch the inside of your neck as you spoke.
Kira tried pulling you toward the exit, but you refused. There was only so much he could do while keeping you under control.
“They’ll kill anyone that knows about these papers,” he explained, desperation coming across his tone more at every passing moment. “They kill most people regardless.”
You felt your stomach drop.
“Did you kill me because of them?” you asked, without blinking.
For the first time, he stared back. “I didn’t kill you.”
You felt his grip slip. You took one hand out — the right one — and attacked him again.
But, once again, he was too fast.
“You can’t do it. You know you can’t. You’re too kind.”
The compliment was like salt to open wounds.
You growled, hoping to drown out his voice.
“Do you know how much it took to find this place? How many years I’ve spent thinking— How many steps I’ve traced and retraced trying to figure out where you went after killing me?”
Only after being done you realized you were screaming by the pain in your neck.
Kira got closer. He changed the way he held you so his hands were closing more fully around you.
“I didn’t,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I didn’t kill you.”
To which you were in such disbelief, you had no reply.
“Leave,” he pleaded again. “I have to light this on fire anyway. If that’s what’ll take you to leave, I will stay here and burn along with them.”
You narrowed your eyes. “How could I possibly believe you?”
He let go of your hands, then took something out of his pocket, throwing it on a shelf.
In the blink of an eye, the whole room was catching on fire. The papers burning down in rapid flames.
Kira stood in the center, then opened his arms. As if to say, look, I’m staying.
In that moment, a light came to you. A dirty, heavy, smoke-scented light. You had an epiphany.
It was the only way you could take him down.
“I will watch,” you said.
By going with him.
Kira’s eyes widened. No, he almost said. He took a step toward you, you took a step back.
“Kakashi is on his way,” he said. “I know he is. You probably warned him as soon you as saw this, no? You want him to know you’re not crazy.”
You rolled your eyes, but could not deny it.
“If he arrives and sees us like this, he’ll know. He’ll know you couldn’t do it again,” Kira said. “He will not let you sacrifice yourself, but he will not be able to catch me. Everything will be in vain.”
Yes, Kakashi was coming. You had forgotten it for a while. But Kira had reminded you of it.
You grabbed your kunai, but, this time, you didn’t aim at his body. You held his arm against a table, then sunk the blade into his sleeve. It did very little to hold him in place, but it did give him a message: you would wait for the end by his side.
“Do you think the Kuramas will show their face once they realize Kakashi is here, too?” you said, knowing the answer would be no.
Kira shook his head. “You’ll only be embarrassed,” he replied.
It was probably true. Kakashi would arrive and it would all play out like he said. But it didn’t matter to you.
The smoke was starting to cloud your vision, after all.
“I might struggle to take lives,” you said, coughing a little, “but you truly underestimate how much I hate you.”
A single, cold, gentle, damp sweep across your face took you out of the dream.It made you shake in surprise, but it had been so light, you barely felt it.You only confirmed it had actually happened when you raised your torso and saw Gaara, closer to the corner, with a piece of cloth in his hand.“You weren’t waking up,” he explained himself upon seeing your face. It was clear the whole ordeal was, somehow, much more confusing to him.“Of course, I—,” you began, raising to stand and prepare your belongings. How late were you that he decided to wake you up by his own hands? “I don’t want to slow you down any further, lord Gaara.”In the midst of you moving around, his expression came back to normal. He approached the opening of the cave, then shook his head. At that moment, you realized there was almost no light inside the cave, even though it was — supposedly — the morning.“There’s no hurry to what I’m doing,” Gaara said, looking outside. It was only then you saw the red clouds covering the sky and heard the moving of the winds. “But Kira might get away.”You gulped, finding weird hearing Gaara say his name.You approached the opening as well, taking a good look at the sand storm. To those who were inside somewhere safe, it could even be described as beautiful.At that, a worrying thought reached your core.“I wonder if lady Temari got home safely,” you voiced it out loud.You saw Gaara gulp. You saw his eyelids open slightly, although he didn’t look at you.“She’s fast,” he said, in a low whisper. “Faster than any of us.”He meant to sound certain, but you could tell he hoped for the same you did.That was also beautiful to you. The clarity of his feelings. His dedication to his sister. His love being as transparent as a pond of water.You, however, did not have such clean feelings. There was nothing in your life as simple. You hated what you loved, and you loved what you hated. You were fated to despise and care. Care and despise.You looked at Gaara. He was not wearing his usual garments. He had replaced his usual red coat by something thinner and black. You wondered if he realized he brought the change of clothes only after it was too late. Maybe it had been one of his servants.It fit him very, very well.But you did not tell him this.Maybe due to the nature of your interaction the night before, he was more distant. More closed off. More avoidant.His arms were crossed in front of him and he hadn’t looked at you once.He was doing his best to draw a line.Bringing your gaze back to the storm, you nodded in approval. It was good to establish barriers.One could meet their demise by not knowing when to close doors.The remaining three days of travel were quiet. They were, in theory, only two days, but the persisting sand storm went back and forth within the desert, slowing you down. Even on days it settled, it was still present. You had resorted to covering your nose and mouth with a scarf to continue walking.Gaara didn’t seem to mind the strong winds and flying sand, but you did notice he began looking over his shoulder from time to time. It seemed that it was not the physical presence of the storm bothering him, but the principles behind it. He looked to the skies as if the storms were a sign. But only when he thought you wouldn’t notice.One of the most eventful moments in the journey happened when you noticed a rattle snake around. Its venom was known to cure a number of illnesses common in the Leaf village, so you wanted to extract a bit of it without harming the animal. Your surprise in noticing the snake was audible without you meaning to, which led to Gaara questioning you about it, which led to him trying to get the snake with his own abilities.He looked at the sand, breathing slowly, channeling something. At the end, however, he just sighed, closing his eyes in disappointment, roughly massaging his neck.You tilted your head to the side. “Is something wrong?”He side-eyed you, but did not take much time to answer. “The sand is not responding.”“At all?” you asked, believing it to be the first time it simply refused to respond. “Isn’t that too worrying?”“It comes and goes,” he said, with a certain strain to his voice. But, realizing what he had divulged, he stared you down, clearly aiming to stop you from getting any ideas. “It always comes when I’m to be harmed.”You almost rolled your eyes at his suspicion, but it was not the time. You wanted to get the snake, which was getting more distant with each minute passing.“You could hit it with your shuriken, certainly,” you tried, because you felt like a ninja of his caliber could do it.“Something that small?” he questioned, and his usual stern expression allowed room for disbelief. “Without killing it?”At his reply, you frowned. Yes?, you almost replied.But, looking him up and down, you shook your head. His chakra was so strong it practically emanated from him like electric rays. Ninjas of his caliber never thought about ways of lessening their strength.Ninjas of his caliber also never knew when to stop.“You’re just too used to your glorious power, my lord,” you said, realizing you had to be the one for the job. You took your bow and arrow, aiming for the snake. “Some hits are more effective when light.”Your arrow traveled like you wished it to. It was a good thing you were between two lengthy rocky structures: the wind would’ve never allowed you to hit the animal otherwise.It was a clean hit. It harmed the snake, of course, as it was quite impossible not to, but you aimed it toward its end, which avoided any vital points. The weight of the arrow alone would prevent it from moving any further.You were about to happily walk in the direction of the animal when Gaara stopped you with a question.“Are you this proficient in anything else?” he said.You looked to the side, a bit taken aback. “Isn’t this impressive enough?”The confident sentence didn’t sit well inside your mouth, coming out a bit mushed, and you wondered if Gaara even understood it after he didn’t reply for a while.But, then, he simply nodded, then said. “I know everything I have to know now.”You waited for an explanation. It didn’t come.“Which is?” you tried encouraging him.“The ways you kill,” he said, already walking in front, leaving you behind.Puzzled.“And what you wanted to know?” you asked, raising your voice a bit, because he was quite ahead by the time you remembered what he was mentioning.Gaara stopped, turning around to stare at you. “On the first night,” he replied.But his admission did not stunt you the most in that moment. You could dare say you didn’t even pay mind to him wanting to know about you and Kira.What truly alarmed you was this: what had been the last time he felt the need to look at you while answering a question?But the brief interaction did little to change the routine you both found yourselves in. The remaining path was as arduous, as hard to breathe in and as devoid of words. The silence was not uncomfortable, per se. Not hostile, even. By the time the night was falling on the third day, and you two were already approaching your destiny, you had already come to know Gaara was not avoiding you, necessarily. He, as a person, just didn’t have a lot to say. Your conclusion about it was one: as long as he wasn’t bothered, then you also didn’t mind it.But the comfort of thinking about silly things such as interactions fell down at once, like a curtain dropping to present a freak show.Everything you had been trying to ignore, and succeeding at it, were front and center in your vision when your steps led to a beautiful stone sign that read: Welcome to Matsuri!The village was just like Suna, existing inside a valley, behind rock cliffs. The sign, engraved on a crystal-like rock, was placed on the beginning of the descending ramp which lead you to the actual village.Gaara was a few steps behind you and seemed to wait for you to make your way downwards. You knew that.But your hands rolled into fists, and your fingernails sunk into your skin. Your feet were moving in place, uncertain. The cold in your stomach reached your chest.The light sandstorm you both found yourselves in, that got worse at every second, started to be muffled against your ears.At the thought of revisiting your father’s birthplace, you would pass out.You only didn’t because you were startled by shadows. No, a single shadow, which, as it ascended from behind rocks, shocked you back into conscience.“Grand-mama?” you asked, blinking your eyes. You just weren’t sure if from the disbelief or the clouds of sand. “What are you doing here?”“I could say the same to you,” she said, crossing her arms. “What are you doing here?”“I am on a mission,” you explained, frowning. “But, wait, why did you leave our village?” You moved your head to look behind her. “Is mother around?”“Of course not,” she exclaimed. “She can’t simply leave every time Kakashi appears at our doorstep asking to take hold of yo—”You raised your hands in confusion. “Wait a second. Kakashi? He spoke to you?”“Him, or some illusion of him. I do not know. I don’t understand your methods, but he was insistent. Is it true you are in danger, my child?”“No, I am not,” you replied, cautious. Not at that very moment, you were not. But why did it matter, anyway? When was the last time your grandma had spoken with you out of concern? When was the last time she had spoken with you at all? You narrowed your eyes. Kakashi, that fox. He hadn’t given up yet, had he? “What did he say?”“He said enough. He said you left your team to follow along…” Your grandmother extended her neck to look at something behind you. You turned, too, trying to figure out what. You only saw Gaara, with his arms crossed, still. “I can’t believe I am saying this, my child, but it must be true, from what I see. Are you truly travelling with him?”Him?You eyes were practically closed, at this point. The conversation was leading to a place you didn’t want to be in, you could tell. A knot was forming in your stomach.The wind blew your scarf to the side, but you managed to catch it. You did not have the time to place it back where it was in your head. It was a battle lost against the ever-fastening winds, and you really had to ask something as quick as possible, just to make sure your guess was not right. “With who?”“With who?” Your grandmother turned her nose. “Gaara, of course.”To your madness, your guess was right.You took a step back. It took more strength than you thought — the sand and will were as strong as walls, pushing you forward. “And if I am?”You grandmother approached you, raising her voice. “Are you out of your mind? I did not believe Kakashi when he said so, but you must be. You must be being used by something, or, at the very least, playing with us!”“Lord Gaara is not a threat,” you tried reasoning. “There’s nothing unsafe about travelling with him.”At that, your chest tightened. You could not affirm it was completely safe. You just meant it was worth the risk.“Not a threat? The man is a beast. He holds a monster inside of him, which is the same as saying he is one!”You clenched your jaw. “It is under his control now, grand-mama. He is not the boy you heard about.”“Nonsense! He has tasted blood already. He grew up with it! It doesn’t wash away that easily. It doesn’t leave the tongue.”You had to bite your own tongue at her words. What could she say about tasting blood? What could she say about stains that could not be washed?“He’s had very little say in who he fights against,” you could barely speak between your clenched teeth.Your grandmother opened her arms, like your words were a point in your favor. “It is out of his control, then? And who’s to say his next target won’t be you?”What if it was? you wanted to ask.What if it was? you wanted to scream.“He merely fights to protect those under him,” you countered. “Is that not the same reason you adore my mother so much?”Your grandma’s nostrils flared. “Do not dare compare your mother to that vicious man.”Your guts were taking laps inside of you. You were so nauseous you could throw up.It was always like that with your family. They pretended you did not know them. They forgot they were taking to you, the one who was aware of their character and of their past. They denied what was obvious, what was real, what was true, regardless of how baffling the lie was. Growing up, you swore to never be as dishonest as them.You tried taking a good look at your grandmother, but, at that moment, it was useless. You could not bear it.“Have you said your piece?” you managed to ask, although your chin was shaking from stress. “I wish you a safe travel back. Goodbye.”You tried to turn, but she held onto your arm in a flash.“You are coming back with me,” your grandmother stated.You pulled your arm back with force, leaving your grandmother with a puzzled look.“Once I am done with my duties,” you declared.She scowled.“What other duty do you have but following the will of the women who hold your name? Act like a Hoki for once in your life and put your family above yourself,” your grandmother spat.You had to clench your fists for some grounding. As infuriating as it was to hear her speak of you that way, the emotion that you felt was one. Pain.You did not mind when people called you reckless, intense, childish, stubborn. You did not mind when they said you were weak, fragile, too sensitive or even unfit. You did not mind it because it rang true. Because you could see why they would think that way.But how could someone stand in front of you and, shamelessly, without a drop of rouge in their face, claim you had to think of your family “for once”?How could someone deny the undeniable and sell their oath to truth for a mere attempt at offending you?And, most importantly, how dare she speak of blood, and murder, and family when she was the one to take yours away?“My family?” you quipped, feeling an unwanted, bitter tear leave your eye. “Like my dad?”You grandmother scoffed. “Is that what this is about? Taking revenge on your mother for your fallen father?”“Do not speak about him,” you threatened. “I hate the sound coming from your mouth.”“Your father was a troublemaker. A rebel!” she screamed. “There is very little else in the fate of rebels other than what happened to him.”By reflex, you raised your hands to cover your ears, but you belatedly realized you weren’t in your room. You belatedly realized you weren’t a child anymore. You could just end the conversation. You could just walk away.“Leave, now,” you ordered. “I am not coming back with you. I was ordered by the Kage and even you are not above him.”“Lord Fourth is a fine man,” she said. “A good ruler. An orderly one. Nothing like his mess of a son, preying on silly, childish girls with delusions of knowing more than their mothers and fantasizing being worth more than their name.” At that, you scoffed, which seemed to hit a nerve. The wrinkles around your grandmother’s mouth turned deeper as she continued to scream. “You mean nothing to him! He will kick a market tent and five girls just like you will fall from the sky.”You shook your head, beginning to walk in the opposite direction. You gave up. By suggesting you were simply trying to get with Gaara, she insulted your entire mission. Your being.Your grandmother followed.“You will not make me question myself,” you said, as you walked. “I have been living well for years without any of you by my side.”At that, she stopped.“Sending you away to Konoha is my biggest regret,” your grandmother said. “If I had not left your education in the hands of men, certainly you wouldn’t have become this.”And her words were infused with such disgust, you could not stop yourself from crying, or screaming, or responding.You turned to her. “If you hadn’t sent me away, I would’ve made my fist bleed by punching my way out, just like aunt Amani did.”It all happened in the blink of an eye. At your words, your grandma raised her arm to hit your face. As you closed your eyes, bracing from the impact, you felt a presence.Gaara appeared between the two of you, holding her arm in place.With his arrival, even time seemed to freeze for a second.“It is time for you to go,” he said, ever so serene.Your grandmother pulled her arm back like his touch burned. But, at the same time, she avoided his gaze, lowering her shoulders and changing posture. She was afraid, you could tell. But the changes were also due to one thing: she respected him. She respected him in a way she did not respect you.“I am merely protecting her,” your grandmother replied with a different tone altogether from what she had been using before.“From me, yes?” he asked. Gaara, then, lowered his head, so his face was right in front of her. “Take your chance.”You stomach turned cold. You did not see his eyes, but, from the horrified look on your grandmother’s face, you could imagine them.Gaara was never outwardly angry. His expression never changed much.It was their blankness that reached a person’s core. It was the realization whatever dimension regular people were in did not encapsulate him as a whole. It was fearing he was, somehow, different from ourselves. Inhumanely.But he was not a liar.So when he gave his face to be hit instead of yours, you believed his gesture. You did not think he would retaliate your grandmother would she be brave enough.But you knew your family. They thought the world was as the rest of them. They did not expect truth.They did not believe anyone, no matter what they said.Gaara waited. Not one part of his body moved.Your grandmother was the same. Terrified, yet still. Unable to move her eyes.“Either make your words be worth something,” Gaara said, after a while, “or leave.”He did not have to say twice. Your grandmother simply threw you the quickest of uncertain looks, then vanished.You fell to the ground, unable to stand for longer. Sobbing. Shaken by a multitude of unpleasant feelings and relived past.There was also, of course, the matter of your father, which was lessening your strength even before your grandmother had arrived.Gaara turned around, then stared at you on the ground, barely affected by the ending world around him. “What has become of you?” he asked, simply. But he had to raise his voice, or he wouldn’t have been heard.You frowned, gasping for air in between cries, breathing sand in the way. “Don’t make fun of me in such a horrible time.”You knew he wasn’t making fun of anything, but it was not the best time to ask for eloquence. You barely knew what you were thinking, let alone how you’d translate it into words.Gaara stared at you blankly for some more. “I apologize,” he eventually said.You sat on the sand, hugging yourself. Now, due to his lenient response, you were deeply embarrassed. “I hate feeling like I force you to defend me,” you confessed.“You were the one defending me,” Gaara was quick to state. “Besides, the sandstorm is not ceasing. It’ll be too violent soon. That’s why I had to stop you. You have to look for shelter in the village.”Your hands started shaking. Your head began to hurt.You were in panic.“I can’t,” you declared, denying with your head. ”I can’t. I can’t. I can’t enter that village.”He was right. Soon, the force of the winds around you would lift you from the ground.But you were also right. You couldn’t do it.“You must sleep somewhere,” Gaara said, after frowning in confusion.“I can’t, lord Gaara,” you screamed, under the flying sand. “I can’t.”Maybe you had been too focused on your grandmother to notice before, or maybe it had simply escalated profusely in that short time with Gaara, but, now, if you were not screaming, you could not hear yourself.“What choice do you have?” he screamed too, although a bit less than you. The sand in the air would make way for his voice regardless. “Do you want to be carried by the wind?”At that, the sand under your hands started to move, and a small rock came directly at your eye. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t even have bothered you. But, carried by the speedy wind, and aimed at the inner corner of your iris, it made you grunt in pain.Gaara said something under his breath. You could not make out what it was, but you knew it was a curse. He seemed to be trying to use his jutsus, to no avail.He looked to the sky once more, like he had done during your travelling, but, this time, he didn’t have the intention of hiding it.Something was amiss.Something he could not control.He looked to the ramp, and to the village that was lower in comparison.He looked at you.Then, he picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder.The winds, now, were unbearable.“Hold on, Hoki,” Gaara screamed. “Hold on.”Gaara was inside a pension’s room. You were too. But you were on a bed, asleep.He had invaded the building, entering from the a window on the third floor and, luckily, the room it led to was empty. He let go of you onto a bed and you, quite to his surprise, did not say anything. You turned around, muffling your voice against the pillow, and cried. You cried until you lost all your strength. You cried until you were asleep.It did not take long at all. Probably under seven minutes.He had not known what to do while you cried, and he did not know what to do now.Leave, he imagined. Like he said he would.But he thought of your surprise at waking up inside an unknown place. He also thought of the resident’s surprise if you could not pay for the room.So he walked to a small table and placed a couple of coins on top of it. It should be enough, even if you didn’t have anything. But he imagined you had something. So it was all well. He could leave.But then he looked at the door. The old, weak, wooden door. Anyone could invade the room, and, given that you two hadn’t asked for the room, it could be given to somebody else. That could be resolved easily in the morning, but there was a chance of someone entering during the night.He looked at you. You were still in your mission gear, with weapons and medicine bags stuck to it. Common folk would think you were distinct. They would think you were rich. They could rob you because of it. Harm you.So he walked to the door, and tried giving it some structure with his sand. But it did not come, as it hadn’t done the past days.Gaara cursed under his breath. Looking around the room, he realized the only solution was placing that same small table in front of the door. It would be enough. It had to.So he walked toward the window, meaning to leave. Like he said he would.He said he would because it seemed proper. It seemed just. He would help you get control of your life, while not dedicating himself to your mission. He could focus on what he had to do. He could continue travelling alone, like he always had.Besides, he hated people. He hated being seen. Being watched. Which was why he assumed he would have a hard time travelling with you, too.At that, his shoulder fell. He turned to look at you once again. Laying on the bed, with puffy eyes from crying, you almost looked younger. Defenseless.He thought back to your refusal to enter the village. What could cause such a reaction? What made regular people, people that weren’t him, shriek in so much terror?Could it be that you had enemies? Could it be that you were wanted by something? By someone?He turned his gaze back to the window. It didn’t matter. He hadn’t sworn he would protect you. He had never promised you any—
I will… I will sleep with my back toward you, lord Gaara. Don’t worry. I won’t look.
Your voice invaded his mind. He pressed his lips, letting his head fall against the window.I won’t look, you had said.And he hadn’t even had to ask.He hadn’t had to order it. To demand it. To threaten.He felt like he had to, with everyone else. Growing up, they couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He was too different, too talked about, too fable-like. They stared intensely at his every movement. Fearing. While, at the same time, rooting for a new disaster. Hoping to see his ruin reach somebody’s flesh.He walked the streets of Sunagakure, looking back at them, hoping their gaze was a sign of interest. A sign of acceptance. Thinking he only had to stare at them in return. He practically raised his arms at them, like a toddler, asking for their embrace.But they only looked. With disdain, or mean curiosity, or expectant of a wreck. As he was cussed out, they only looked. As he was screamed at, they only looked. As he fought to be human, they only looked.How easier would his life had been if, when he was a child embarrassed of being alive, the villagers in Sunagakure simply decided to look away?It had been such a quick conclusion to you, too. Such an easy one.Like… like it made sense. Like someone could feel that way. Like he had the right to.Gaara looked at you at once, surprised at his thought. Could it be?He analyzed you on the bed once more.Could it be that you too, right now, just didn’t want to be seen? And that was why you couldn't enter the village?Could it be that you understood?Gaara sighed, feeling constricted. Even a creature like him could not deny somebody a favor that was freely given to him.You had said there was no problem in two shinobis sleeping in a room, right? As long… as long as…He clenched his fists, preparing to move. But not in direction of the window.He sat on the ground, next to your bed, keeping an eye on the door. So no one would enter. So no one would see.“Don’t worry, doctor,” Gaara whispered. “I won’t look too.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Before Gaara realized, as soon as the sun appeared in the sky, you were in front of him. Bowing.“I have caused you much, much trouble,” you said, after lifting your torso. “It feels redundant to apologize, so I’ll thank you instead. Thank you for taking me out of the storm and thank you for staying the night. I just wish I hadn’t forced you to it.”Gaara stood up. “No one forces me to do anything,” he replied.You followed his movements. “That’s not true. You have a deep sense of responsibility.”“Which is still mine, yes?” he said, looking to the window behind him from time to time. “I’m still listening to me.”You frowned. “Not if you tend to think you’ll fail.”Gaara turned to you at once. His first reaction was to be surprised, that much you could tell. But his expressions after it were unreadable. He watched you blankly, leaving the moment to fall into a quiet.You gulped. He was staring at you with a purpose. You didn’t know which.“What will you do now, my lord? Will you leav—”“Yes,” he interrupted you. Your words seemed to bring him back to the moment. “Farewell.”Then, he turned to walk in direction of the window.Apparently, in regards to his departure, Gaara didn’t want to leave space for any more comments. He didn’t even intend on making use of the door.As your shoulders dropped, however, he turned again, wanting to say something.He opened his mouth a few times without sound. In the end, what came out was this:“I apologize for the bruises,” he said, and the stillness of the world behind him made his words resonate louder. Deeper, into you. His tone was not overtly apologetic or emotional — and yet, they rang true just the same.At first, you frowned in confusion. But, looking down on your body, you saw very faint marks across your body that were turning into purple. Their extension was lengthy, and you quickly concluded where they came from: they must’ve been made when Gaara carried you inside.You shook your head. “Don’t be silly, lord Gaara. There’s no need to—”“Young master, young master,” a man screamed from outside the window. You and Gaara both looked at each other, making sure the other could hear it. “Help us, please. Something terrible has happened.”You both made your way down to the street.The man, panting, was supporting himself on his knees. He had ran to where he was.“Young master, I apologize for the sudden calling,” he said, after catching his breath, standing up again. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me for me to act with such boldness, but I suppose the matter calls for desperate measures. I wasn’t even aware you had graced us with your presence, but as I roamed around in search for help, my attention was soon grabbed by your flaming red ha—” At this moment, the man’s eyes widened. He realized he could see Gaara’s face. With force, he threw his torso forward again. “I didn’t look, of course. I couldn’t possibly. But I saw… that is to say, I quickly motioned to… I took a glance! A small, little, harmless glance, yes. But my body almost instantly descended into a bow, as your imposing presence warrants…”Gaara rolled his eyes, then took two of his fingers and pressed them against the man’s forehead, pushing him to stand again. Essentially allowing him to see.“You said something was amiss,” Gaara’s voice was deep as he said it, asking for focus. “What is it?”“The whole village…” the man’s voice was hollow, due to how perplexed he was. “It has vanished.”Gaara narrowed his eyes. He, then, looked to the skies like he had done the previous days. Asking for answers.“Vanished?” you found yourself asking them too. It was only then the man realized you were there.He nodded, looking at you.“The residents, the sellers, the guards. Everyone,” he exclaimed. “They have disappeared.”As soon as you heard it, clenching your jaw, you moved with speed. You began checking the nearby buildings, staying close enough to hear them speak.“When did it happen?” Gaara asked somewhere behind walls.“I couldn’t say. I trade in Sunagakure, you see. I take all of the goods we produce here and sell it to the palace. If the young master thinks he recognizes me from somewhere, that is probably why.” A slight pause. You could imagine Gaara’s blank face. “In any case, I have arrived but half an hour ago. I don’t know if they’ve been missing for longer.”You opened and closed doors. You opened and closed drawers.“The whole village?” Gaara seemed to think out loud. “To what purpose?”You finally reached the men again, controlling your speed as to not clash into them.“I have checked a couple of houses, my lord,” you said after catching your breath. “I couldn’t find anyone, but there were no signs of struggle. The furniture is intact. All of the clothes are still in the wardrobes.” You looked around. You saw round sand buildings, strings filled with decorative paper shaking with the wind and containers made for carrying water thrown around. But no people. “No one on the streets either.”Gaara also looked around. It didn’t take much to notice the emptiness of the village. All one could hear throughout was the moving of the wind.He turned to you. “Can you track them?”You breathed in.Technically, yes. But tracking was much more of a psychological analysis that it was a sensorial one. It involved thinking about where one could go due to his limitations, physical or emotional, while also analyzing their motives and objectives.In the case of kidnapping, if it was recent, of course a tracker could look at the signs around and try to determinate where the victim might’ve been taken, but its start was usually very clear. The target was objective, as well. People were usually surrounded by family and friends with enough frequency that their kidnapping was announced within hours of them going missing.In the case of the village, you didn’t know even know when it had happened. And, judging by how the wind was carrying the sand, most of the physical signs would’ve been already gone in hours. Scent would be carried away, footsteps too. Even if you did try to follow their chakra, which was not your specialty, it was safe to say the trace was long gone.Besides, you were in a desert. There were no trees to be marked or branches to be broken. You couldn’t ask around, because the nearest other villages were days away. Even if you did somehow discovered the direction they had gone, what could you do to catch up?And, above all, what would cause an entire village to just… disappear?You sighed, looking at an expectant Gaara.“I can definitely try, my lord, but do we even know if they all went to the same place?” you asked. “Do we even know if they walked?”You looked at Gaara for answers which, in turned, stared at the man you had just met.“I am at a loss,” he replied, shrugging.You saw Gaara’s jaw tense up.“We know where they’re not. Right here. We can start by that,” Gaara said, giving out orders. “Let’s assume it was a mass fleeing. If he’s come from Suna, he has been away for days. There’s a chance it was organized.”At that, you tilted your head to the side. “They left by their will, but didn’t pack anything?”Gaara shook his head, trying to appear calm. But you could tell he looked to the sides, searching for movement. Expecting it. “If they had taken all of the residents by force, we would be seeing a partial massacre by now. There’s no way to subdue so many without a fight.“Except there was a way. You knew it well.But Gaara’s visible uncertainty, alongside with his wording, made you press your eyebrows in suspicion, barely hearing the end of his sentence.You raised your chin. “They?”“Search for signs of a disaster, doctor,“ Gaara ordered, obviously ignoring your question. “A force that could’ve scared a whole village away.”With such direct commands, there was very little else you do. Or question.“Yes, my lord,” you replied, lowering your head.“You come with me,” Gaara told the man beside him, which promptly lowered his head like you had. The two took off.You turned to cover the other side of the village, taking your first steps in the northeast direction. But, as you made your way, a sudden ache hit your head and left you numb. You brought your hands to your head, trying to hold it in place.As your vision recovered its focus, you saw, in front of you, the cause of your distress. A path made of white stones. A known path made of white stones. The street, all at once, became recognizable, and you shook your head, knowing where not to go.They can check here later, you concluded, not giving yourself much time to change your mind. You quickly made your way north, avoiding that part of town.Just like you had expected, however, there were no signs of the villagers. A desert was exceptional in a lot of ways, one of which hindered your progress the most: it was made for holding secrets.No footsteps, or chakra trail, or change in the flora and fauna were found. No blood splattered, quite thankfully, and no broken structures. But, also, no signs of natural disaster or prominent danger. Eerily, there was also no sound.The day passed and the sun was nearing its resting point. The small hope you held of the villagers eventually coming back home was struggling to keep its flame.You had resorted to invading buildings and reading documents in search of answers, given how scarce were your options. You were inside an administrative building, made for handling village affairs, with a copy of their finance plans in your hands. Of all the words you had read that day, only three could be considered remotely relevant: the spark festival.It held no deeper meaning, being just a commemorative date for the village folk, but it did imply the entire village was together at some point, in a single place, for hours. And, most importantly, judging by the documents you held, it had happened… yesterday.You tightened your grip around the documents, thinking. You were ready to find Gaara and tell him the little information you knew and, as such, you left the building.You hadn’t taken three steps when a sound startled your ears.It was clear, bright, and it twinkled. You swore, at first, it was wind chimes. But, pressing your eyes together so you could focus, you realized: it was laughter.You gasped, then quickly tried to follow the sound.But it was low, and it was far, and, sometimes, it stopped at once, coming back minutes later.You were barely aware of your surroundings, focusing only on finding the sound, when you were shocked into paying attention.You turned a corner and, right there, you saw the same house, with the same lettering, and the same flag attached to it.You had gone to his house without realizing.The laughter had stopped, but it’s not like you would notice either way.You could only stare. Gulping.Eventually, a figure came to your side. You were probably standing still for a while.“Whose house is this?” Gaara asked.You didn’t look at him when you replied. “My father’s.”“I wasn’t aware he lived here,” he said. Then, you felt his gaze on you, but you still didn’t look back. “Are you afraid he has been harmed?”You bit your lip, then let out a single bitter chuckle. “We’re years late.”You couldn’t see, but you could imagine his pressed eyebrows.“How come?” he asked.You sighed, meaning to move.“Let’s go, lord Gaara,” you called, walking in front of him. “This is not the time to be telling stories.”Gaara, however, stayed and, still looking at you father’s house, confessed. “I’d like to hear them.”At that, you turned to face him. So he was truly fond of listening, then. You had imagined as much.“Do you enjoy stories?” you asked.He nodded. “But I’ve only recently been introduced to their concept.”You tilted your head. “How recently?”“A couple years,” he replied and, very minimally, almost imperceptibly, shrugged.At his reply, you frowned.“You hadn’t heard a story before that?” you questioned. “Not even as a child? Nobody read you one at bedtime?”Gaara turned to look at you, pressing his eyebrows. It was not only your words that he did not recognize, but the very concept behind them. He searched in your face for more clues, or signs that you were playing a joke, but you could tell he, at his core, did not know what you were talking about.He first lowered his gaze, then lowered his tone. “Why would they do it?” he wondered, gelid. Disliking to be kept at bay.You opened and closed your mouth, fumbling for words. “For…”Laughter sounded again. This time, louder than ever before.You quickly placed your finger on your mouth, asking for silence. Gaara didn’t seem to have heard it, but he nodded, agreeing not to talk.Quickly, you followed the sound. As it got closer, it also got lighter. Happier. Unmistakable.It came from children.And it was them you found as you raised the lid of one of the containers in a corner.They screamed, but not in fear. As if they had been caught in a hide-and-seek game, rapidly falling into laughter again.“Oh,” you exclaimed, putting your hair behind your ears, unsure of what to. “What are our friends doing here?”“We’re hiding from the bird,” one of them said, smiling.You looked to the sky. There was not a single feather around.Apparently, they were successful.“I see,” you said, smiling too, trying to be approachable. “And your parents? I can’t really see them around.”You looked behind you. Gaara was standing back, crossing his arms. Appalled.He seemed to think the same as you: what sort of family would leave their kids behind?“They were in the festival,” the smaller one, the only girl, said. “We were hiding. We would go back, but…”“But?” you tried encouraging.“They entered the bunker,” another boy said. Then, he shrunk. “It’s too dark there.”“The bunker?” you repeated, turning to Gaara, who had approached you to hear the conversation.“It used to protect them for harsher storms,” he explained. “There’s an entrance to it on the other side of the village.”“You only mention that now?” you questioned.Gaara, too, seemed to be regretting not having thought of it. His jaw was clenched.“I did know it was there, but no one would willingly go there to hide. As it was built, they realized it did not have proper structure. It could easily collapse.”You pressed your eyebrows together. “And how do you know that?”“I came to help build it,” Gaara stared at you as he replied.He was about to move when you held his arm. His coat was the softest texture you had felt in days.“And if it has already collapsed?” you whispered, trying not to get the attention of the children behind you.Gaara moved his eyes back and forth between you and the children. “Let’s think about that when we get to it,” he eventually replied.You nodded.At some point as you walked to the entrance with the children around you, you met the man from earlier, coming back from his own search. And, as neither the man or the children seemed too happy to enter the dark tunnel, you suggested they should stay back.The way down was quiet.Gaara walked in front of you, determined. You were a few steps behind, more concerned with looking around than he was.The steps you were both stepping on were made of sand, and the tunnel surrounding you resembled a mine. It was easy to see how and why Gaara had helped them. But the walls, although deep into the ground, were not as hard as they should — when you tried to touch it, your finger was enough to make a couple grains of sand fall to the ground.Inhaling deeply, you resumed to following Gaara on his way down. At the very least, there were no signs of a collapse yet.The steps led way to a chamber. A hole at the end of the stairs was its entrance.As the hole came into your vision, and light from torches reached your face, your mind was too preoccupied to notice how your fingertips had turned cold.Gaara was the first to enter. But, from behind, you saw him stop in place.Frowning, you hurried to see what he was seeing.You reached his side, noticing, first, the terror in his eyes, before staring ahead.A crowd was standing still. Countless people. Maybe the entire village.And, far ahead, on the very end of a chamber, a man was pulling ropes, lifting something from the ground.Not something, no. Someone.Your face turned pale.Tied, and unconscious, being pulled to the ceiling, there she was: Temari.Before all the blood left your face, Gaara had already tainted his blade with someone else’s. But, before Gaara took his kunai to attack, he had used his fingernails to slash their skin.He gnawed at them like a monster. He growled in pain, but not physical. He lost himself in a second.And, in that moment, you knew: regardless of what you could do, nothing would be the same at the end of that fight.The first man he attacked was also the first man to go down. You watched him fall to the floor, unconscious. Blood was seeping out of his wounds like honey dripping from a pressed comb.At that point, Gaara had already moved to the next.You looked at Temari, far in the distance, trying to be sure it was truly her. About that, there was no doubt. She was tied, dirty and passed out. Her skin had superficial cuts all throughout — they were uneven, but well spread. It appeared she had been dragged. The dirt in her face was only rivaled by the amount of blood. Most of it had dried already.In response to Gaara’s attack, the crowd turned at once in his direction. Their movement, synchronized to the point of being uncanny, resembled a hive. The lack of light inside their pupils did not leave space for doubts. They were being controlled.Given all that you knew, you should’ve guessed sooner, but what were the odds that attack, too, was fruit of a genjutsu?You looked at Gaara. Ignoring the crowd surrounding him, he was moving with speed and precision. He neared an older man and slashed him. His skin, due to his age, did not need much strength to be opened, already weak as it was. But Gaara did not take that into consideration when he sunk his kunai into his arms.Anguish started clogging your insides. By Gaara’s movement, you knew he was trying to get to his sister, to protect her from the people who harmed her. But you also knew the villagers could not be convinced to stop — their minds were not their own.And the older man’s clothes were old and torn. He had a backpack still on him, filled with traps and bait. He was not a shinobi or a fighter in any sense. He was a hunter. A hunter who, somehow, got involved into a matter bigger than he was, and was now bleeding on the floor, being trampled under the wave of other hunters, and teachers, and sellers, who pursued after Gaara in a beastly manner.You ran to the old man, wanting to help him stand up, but, before you could reach him, he pulled himself up on his own. You sighed, in relief, only to watch him move (with a limp) in the direction Gaara now was.Gaara was surrounded. A mountain of people was forming around him. He could not move.So he ran upward the walls.Five other men, the ones you assumed were ninjas and could control their chakras, followed.As they were hanging on the walls by their feet, a fight ensued. It was nothing to Gaara — even without his sand, he was an unparalleled shinobi. He took control of them in less than a second. However, his gaze was fixated on his sister. And, even from afar, you could see the veins in his neck getting thicker and more prominent with time. You could’ve sworn you saw them inside his eyes, too, just like years before. His frustration, both from being powerless and from being stalled, was reaching its limit. When the men around him got up after being thrown for the third time, pulling him back while he tried to run in her direction, he growled like you had never seen before. Then, he took two of them by their collars and threw them.You watched one of them hit a pillar. You heard their bones break.You saw cracks begin to firm in the hardened sand. They reached the ceiling.You wanted to help the men on the floor, but there was no time. Turning to look at Gaara, you saw he had been forced to leave the walls to get to the center of room. The crowd forming around him was filled with insanity. Most of all, they lacked concern for the integrity of their bodies. They lacked concern for the integrity of the structure around them.As Gaara cut and slashed, and as he threw them away so he could move, the waves of people clashed against the walls. Clashed against the pillars.The cracks in the one near you began trembling and spitting out sand as each hit made the room shake.You had never seen such a genjutsu, but it was clear it could not be stopped by an external hit. It was also clear they would not be stopped regardless, no matter the circumstance, as long as they could move. As long as they weren’t dead.You looked at Gaara. You looked at his unconscious sister. You looked at the village stuck with him underground, determinate to get between them two.If his only way to getting to Temari was killing them, that’s what Gaara would do.And you could not allow him.You rushed toward him, climbing the walls when needed. As you got closer, you saw the trail of unconscious bodies laying on the ground. But as numerous they seemed, they were still less than the number still awake, throwing themselves at him. He tried moving quickly, in a way it seemed like teleport, but they held onto him by his clothes, weighing him down.When you got to his side, you grabbed onto his arm, trying not to be overtaken by the crowd around you both.“Lord Gaara, they’re under a genjutsu,” you exclaimed, using your body weight to pull him toward you. “I know it’s hard, but I beg you to cease this madness.”Gaara used his other arm to grab a woman’s throat and press it until she fell unconscious. As long as you held him, he did not hit you, but he also did not reply. And when he felt like he had an opening to move, he pulled his arm from your grasp. “I’m coming, Temari, I’m coming,” he screamed. “You’re safe. You will be safe.”You were about to follow him, but you stopped yourself. It was useless. All he wanted now was to get to his sister.Think, woman, think, you ordered yourself, pressing your eyes together. Forget what you can’t do. Think about about what you can.Genjutsus. You knew about them, didn’t you?As unique and as powerful as that one was, what was the one thing all genjutsus had in common?They were an illusion. A projected idea, tailored to the needs of the projector. They were specific, and constructed, and all that meant was they needed a point to begin.They had to have an originating mind.A controller.You made your way up the walls again, reaching for a spot that would allow you to see the entire room.Ranges in genjutsus differed, but no one could control an entire village to that extent from afar. Not even…You shook your head. It was not the time to think about them.The shinobi had to be in the room. You concluded that because you were underground, and most genjutsus were controlled by vision. If it had been fixed to the location, both you and Gaara would’ve been under its control when you entered it. And, if it had been caused by a sound, you would have heard it just the same. The controller was using his vision to determinate who he manipulated and how.But you looked and you looked, and you could not find a person who was not under its effect.At some point, you saw the man from earlier, crying and shaking, holding the three children in a corner, putting them in front of him. You almost cursed him for bringing the children to that mess, but you knew it was not him. He was not a ninja. He had no control of chakra.Frustrated, you moved upwards, hoping to somehow see something you hadn’t before.As your head hit the ceiling, your eyes were called by a certain movement. It was not on the ground, however. It was in front of you, on the parallel wall, inside a hole. An eagle. Quiet. Still. Except for its head, who seemed to follow the fight under it.You gasped.What are our friends doing here? you had asked.We’re hiding from the bird, the children replied.The children who were not under the genjutsu, because they were not seen by the eagle when it was activated.It was obvious.But unbelievable.A genjutsu of that dimension being controlled through eyes of a bird? What sort of shinobi held that much power?You did not have time to think about it. You heard a scream from under you. A helpless, fury-filled scream.Gaara had reached Temari. He had taken her out of the ropes. He was holding onto her with both hands, stuck to a wall by his feet. He called for her, but she did not wake up. He placed his hand on her stomach, and, when he lifted it up, it was stained with blood.He closed the stained hand into a fist. He punched the wall behind him, cracking it.A giant fist of sand followed his movement.His powers had come back to him.“Oh, no,” it was the only thing you could say, before the men chasing after Gaara were overcome by sand.They were thrown out in all directions, which much more force than before.The ground shook beneath you. The wall you held onto shook as well.Gaara hugged Temari, holding her close, and left the wall he was on. As he reached the ground, the sand started revolving around him, keeping anyone away. If that meant he would leave with Temari on his arms, you would be thankful. But no. He walked with his gaze fixed on something. On someone.The man he saw lifting her with the ropes.As he walked, arms of sand erupted from the ground and walls, hitting and punching the villagers around him. But, most of all, they hit the structure around them. The walls, floor and pillars were cracking. A rupture began on the ground and only ended above, by your side.A part of the ceiling, near the entrance, fell.You heart drummed against your chest. You knew the room would not stand for longer.The eagle, which due to the events you had forgotten about, left its hole, flying out of the room.For a split second, you felt relief, thinking it would mean the genjutsu would end. It didn’t. Even as the eagle left, the villagers still lunged themselves in the direction of Gaara.But you had to think about that later. Another pillar was overcome with cracks, and it gave out on its corner, making the ceiling above it fall as well.You let go of the wall, reaching the ground and grabbing onto the first person you saw. “The room is falling apart,” you screamed, shaking them by their shoulders. “You must leave.”But it was useless. They didn’t even look at you. Their eyes followed Gaara.You felt something hit your leg and, looking in its direction, you saw a little girl. Even though she was also affected by the genjutsu, and wanted to follow Gaara, you picked her up. Looking around, you realized: the village didn’t only have the children you had seen earlier. They had plenty more, walking in the same hole that you were now in.Sand fell onto your head as thunder sounded. But it wasn’t thunder. It was just the ceiling dislodging.As the girl kicked and cried on your shoulder, wanting to get to Gaara, you made your way to the man from earlier with the other children.“The room is falling. Leave, now,” you ordered, as you handed him the little girl. “Take her too.”The man nodded and left with the other children as you said. But one stayed. He looked behind and, crying, he screamed: “Daddy!”You looked too.Gaara had taken control of the man and, not with his sand, but with his own arms, he was about to smash the head of the man against a pillar. His sand arms were the ones holding Temari.“Leave,” you screamed again, begging the child to run.But, before he could reply, you raced toward Gaara and, just in time before the man reached the pillar, you threw a shuriken at Gaara’s arm. You were not merciful. You could not have been.You heard the blade hit against Gaara’s bone as he grunted in pain. At the very least, he had let go of the man, which plopped to the ground.The walls shook again. A hole had formed in the left corner of the ceiling, and sand was now falling like a storm.No one around you seemed to mind it.Gaara, even with his sliced arm, was now attempting to pick the man up again.You were desolated. Frantic. Looking around like help would magically appear as the ceiling cracked on top of all of you.You turned and, with tears on your eyes, tried one last time.“Lord Gaara, the ceiling is falling. Help us, please,” you screamed. He didn’t reply. “For heaven’s sake, Gaara, there’s children here,” as you shouted his name, you felt the taste of blood inside your mouth.Gaara’s body recoiled, like he had taken a punch to his stomach. He turned to your direction, face pale, just in time for you to see his pupils returning to their normal size.The center of the room opened in a loud crack.Gaara motioned his hands and a mountain of sand rose from the ground, holding the ceiling in place.A wave of relief rushed inside of you. You were finally able to breathe again.Your hands were still shaking, but you were resolute. You knew the room was being held, but the villagers did not stop throwing themselves at Gaara. Holding both Temari and the ceiling, while already sick and weaker, he could not diverge his focus. He could not spare chakra to raise his shield, either. So the villagers scratched his face and skin while he had to stand still.With an objective in mind, you ran out of the underground.As you expected, when you reached the village, you immediately saw the eagle flying around in circles. It did not have to look at the villagers, but it had to stay close so the genjutsu would work.Without wasting time, you tried to reach it, jumping from building to building. You took your bow out of your back, and an arrow from the bag stuck to your leg, and did the best you could in aiming toward the moving bird, while running across the top of a house.Hitting the villagers did not work. But maybe hitting the mediator would.“Please, do not die,” you begged under your breath, knowing the animal was being used as much as the rest of the villagers were.You let go of the arrow. It hit the bird.You jumped from the ceiling, aiming to catch it as it fell. You grabbed it with both arms.Once on the ground, having placed the wounded bird carefully, you ran back to where everybody was, still unsure if that would be enough, or if your theory had been right at all.You entered the place running, but your steps slowed down and, eventually, halted, as you took in what you were seeing.The entire village was on the ground. Breaking the genjutsu had made them lose consciousness.Bodies were thrown around, some covered in blood, some slashed, some crooked. Gaara stood among them. He raised his head to look at you.You unconsciously took a step back when your gaze met his.His eyes were not empty like always. They were dark. Lost.As a few grunts of pain could be heard throughout the room, and some villagers moved their bodies, meaning to get up, Gaara approached you with quiet steps.He could not meet your eyes as he did it, but he placed Temari on your arms. You could feel her heartbeat resonating through her body, so you sighed in relief.That duration of the sigh was the time it took for Gaara to leave.And, as you looked upward, you noticed the moving sand rushing to fill the necessary cracks. Probably at his command.But it was already too late.The world had already fallen.In the middle of nowhere, farther than the village, but close enough to do harm, in the very end of a dark cave, Kira was sat.He could not see anything.His hands twisted anxiously above his knees, but he was not to make any noise. Not even as he heard moving behind him, inside the cave walls. Not even as he imaged they were tiny legs from tiny scorpions.He waited for his uncle, who was sat in front of him, to say something.But they had been in silence for hours.His uncle stayed in the middle, with a piece of cloth over his eyes, as he had worn it since before Kira was born.To Kira’s knowledge, his uncle was blind, so it made him wonder why even go to the depths of a dark cave anyway. But he was not in a position to question anything. Not since he had renounced his place as the first son.So he merely waited. For a while. When, finally…“The bird is dead,” his uncle’s dusty voice echoed in the cave.Kira wasn’t sure what that meant. They were to flee? To come back?“Do we invade the village to retrieve his sister?” Kira asked, unsure whether to get up.His uncle, quite to Kira’s surprise, chuckled. It sounded older than the cave they were in.“Our intention was never to retrieve the girl,” he replied. “Gaara was very foolish to make plans with your father, ignoring he belongs to a clan. You father was an ever bigger fool, but we will deal with him in time. At last, the family has discovered their alliance. Gaara is, now, aware of that.”Kira clenched his fists. “What must we do?”“We go back to the clan for now,” his uncle replied. “It is the prince’s turn.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The sky trembled, gray, above you. It had been that way, overcome by clouds and resonating thunder, for an entire day. The entire day after the event.Calling it “the event” sounded a bit too childish to your own mind, but thinking about what took place reminded you of blood — and right then, in the biggest building of the village repurposed to serve as a hospital after the fight, surrounded by patients with open wounds, lacerated skin and oozing fluids, the last thing you’d want to do was to smear of blood the only part of your body untouched by it. Your brain.Every other bit of skin smelled like decay.“Heavens. Rain in Matsuri. Can you believe it?” one of the village nurses looked outside through a window as she said it. Not everyone had been injured to the point of needing treatment. A lot of them decided to help you in aiding the others.“We were built by a spring,” an older man, a doctor that was bandaging a patient, replied without taking his eyes off the injured arm he was holding. “It happens.”You were focused on leading your hand inside a wound in a leg to take particles of rock from between the flesh. With your hand inside a body, you could ascertain just how squishy was the meat belonging to a human: very.After grabbing the remaining particles, pulling your hand out, you tried your very best not to breathe.When the whole ordeal was done, and you thanked the nurse beside you that helped you hold the patient in place, letting the dimensions of what you had done take place inside your mind, you decided the patient having passed out as you inserted your hand had been a good thing. It was too much pain.Letting your body slightly fall back, holding tight onto a improvised table behind you, finally stopping for a bit after twenty hours, you looked around. All of the hurt people and the helping people, equally tired, filled the room that was only one among all of the others in that building. As the night was falling, and after hours of work, you could say the village was finally settling into a calm. But still.It was too much pain.The same woman from before grunted. She was looking at the sky from time to time. Taking some bloodied clothes from the ground and throwing them onto a pile in a corner, she spoke again. “This many clouds? During this many hours? I’ve never heard of it.”The doctor was now sitting on a weak chair. He seemed just as weak. He sighed. “Do you intend on complaining to the skies?”“I’m sure it means harm. More harm to us,” the woman complained again. “It’s reacting to something.”You unconsciously paid attention to her words. Gaara had also looked to the skies with the same accusing eyes before.Your jaw clenched.It was the first time you had dared to think of his name that day.You looked to the window beside you, trying to see where he was, although you knew it was pointless. He had gone to a cabine just out of the village the last time you had seen him. You wondered if he was still there.You wondered if he would leave you.You wondered if there was any point to him staying.The woman noticed you were looking outside. She saw something in your gaze she didn’t like.“I bet it’s him,” she spoke loudly. Not directly to you. But loudly. You looked at her. She was staring at you. “I bet it’s reacting to him.”You matched her stare for a bit, before letting yours fall to the ground. If she thought you’d react, she was wrong. You were too tired for it. Too tired for anything.And at every moment, every cursed moment you spent in that village, you saw a glimpse of a face you swore you had met as a child. Not a singular face, and it didn’t remind you of anyone in specific, but it was that feeling of recognition, of bitter nostalgia, that trapped you inside a nervous jail.Sometimes, you smelled something that seemed familiar. Other times, you recognized clothing patterns that were famous only in that region of Suna. You saw patients eat food that your dad used to cook for you.Everything remained the same. Everything remained there.Except for him.And in your mind, there was the image of a house. The same house from yesterday. The same house from years before.The house he had died in.The house you had watched him die in.If you closed your eyes, it was like you were still in front of it. Seeing the yellow paint, hearing the wind-chimes he had carefully hanged, hearing his decorative flag shake in the wind.The one you had not dared to enter.The one that had only plagued you in your dreams for more than a decade, but that was, now, only a few steps away from you.“I bet it’s him,” the woman said louder than before, somewhere behind your thoughts, bringing you to the present.The doctor let his head fall against the wall.Knowing she would not stop until somebody responded, he replied, lowly. “He’s just a man.”At first, she didn’t say anything, not having liked the response. But, then, her head turned. Her gaze sharpened.“Yes,” she hissed. “Just a man.”And the vindictive weight in her tone woke you up at once.Regardless of your own pessimistic thoughts, you felt the urge to see Temari.But you did not leave the room as soon as she said it. It would be too obvious. You let some moments pass then, with very slow steps, made your way to the door.She noticed you just the same.“He’ll hurt you too,” she said. Although your back was turned, you knew she was speaking to you. “It’s who he is.”Without meaning to, your hands rolled into fists. Regardless of how you felt about Gaara, that type of doomed determinism, which tried to decide the destiny of a creature, was enough to provoke you under any situation.“I don’t intend on kidnapping his sister,” you snapped, a bit more unhinged than you usually were, already too weighed down by your own life — enough to stumble.The woman scowled.“We were controlled. Certainly by his enemies that know his every step,” she replied. To your surprise, her tone carried more sorrow than you imagined it would. “What fault do we have except being the village that happened to be in the prince’s path?”Your eyes widened, if ever slightly. Due to both her sadness and her words.Behind her, cries and grunts of pain sounded, scattered across the room, jailed by the sand walls.You could’ve tried to explain yourself more. You could’ve said sorry. But there was nothing to explain. And if you started to say sorry to anyone in that situation, shouldn’t you say sorry to them all, including yourself?It was too much pain.Shaking your head, you decided to simply abandon the conversation.“Excuse me,” you said, as you left the room.Soon after, you heard droplets of water hitting against the roof.Something inside you was triggered by the rain.It can not be right, you thought, agreeing with the woman from before. There must be something wrong.Although it was not intended by you, the water hitting the building matched the steps you took up the stairwell. With every step, your breath was cut a moment shorter.At every passing moment, you began to worry more.As your thoughts gave place to suspicion and paranoia, by the time you opened the door to Temari’s room, you were certain she was dead.You barged in the room, walking toward her bed. Then, with force, slid the makeshift curtains to the side, your heart drumming against your chest, expecting to see a massacre.Temari, however, was well. Sleeping. Or, rather, she had been sleeping, until the moment you practically threw her curtains to the side.Blinking slowly, there was a pause in which she took to recognize you. Finally, after realizing who you were, she smiled. “Oh, hello.”After the relief of seeing her alive took place inside you, you frowned, still frantic about everything else.“Lady Temari,” you called for her attention, serious, “is the rain a bad sign?”She, very minimally due to her condition, shifted her face to the side, confused. “Huh?”You looked at the nearest window. The water hit the glass like arrows, resembling a battle: explosion after explosion.You turned to Temari again, trying to steady your breathing. “Does it mean something I should know?”Temari frowned. “No… Not unless I’m also out of the loop,” she said then chuckled. It was clear she did not consider that a possibility. However, the laughter soon subsided and her worried eyes came back. “Why?”Why?“I’m not sure,” you replied honestly, letting your head hit against a wall. “I just have a feeling that… My heart is convinced something terrible will happen.”Temari rose an eyebrow, turning her eyes to your arms, covered by blood from the fingers to the elbows.You did not notice her gaze, too busy staring at the ceiling in anguish.“Something bad did happen,” she tried reminding you.You closed your eyes, sighing. You knew that. Heavens, you knew that, you had just spent your day surrounded by organs and sewing skin. You did not mean to treat what had happened lightly.But still.“The walls in my chest are enclosing,” you blurted out, frustrated at not understanding your own mind. “I seem to have swallowed an entire ball of guilt, but it does not go down. It’s stuck in my throat.” You held your neck, feeling your voice get thicker with emotion.“Are…” Temari started carefully, moving her cotton sheet along with her, “are you okay?”You pressed your eyes shut at the question. It had hit your skin like thorns.No, you were not okay.Your hands were clammy. Your chest was hurting. Your breathing was unsteady. Your temples were pressing inward, as if to explode your head at once.And, inside your mind, a single image.A haunted house.You turned to Temari, whispering. “Do you think he blames me?”But she only looked at you like she could not understand. And, truly, she couldn’t.Being there was a waste of time. Not to say inappropriate.You fixed your posture, her expression giving you a shock of reality.“I’m sorry, my lady.” You bowed, while fidgeting with your clothes, after regaining some clarity. “I will leave you to your rest.”You did not wait for her reply.You left the room, then left the building. Other nurses tried to stop you in the way, asking for your assistance or advise, but you could not stop. In fact, you began running. The walls were closing in, and there was no other place for you to go. Except one.Unbeknownst to you, however, after you left the room, Temari was left with herself. Her own thoughts. Her own family. Her own heart.A heart that, just like yours, beat in name of other people, not in hers. A heart that would do anything to protect them. A heart that, in name of protection, was made to suspect.Thinking back to the conversation you two just had, she connected the words like pieces of a puzzle, arriving to a dangerous conclusion.A conclusion she had made since the very beginning.And, lost among the similarities, that was the difference between you two: to survive, you were made to believe you could always be wrong; to survive, Temari could not be convinced she wasn’t right.