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the dust has settled, the wound seemingly mended, the planet spun as it always had, everyone moved forward, but tifa was stuck in the same place.
it had been a week since cloud defeated sephiroth for good, life was fighting to go back to normal, tifa felt that she should be fighting too. however, she found herself crying every night, something she hid from cloud by shutting herself in the bathroom. she knew she could not hide this forever, but she
also
knew that cloud could hear her muffled sobs. she could sense he was just waiting for her to come to him.
she wished he would take the leap; just one more time, but every time she thought of that, the memories would flood in.
cloud fell off mt.nibel for her.
cloud went to midgar for her.
cloud joined avalanche for her.
cloud outstretched his hand to her so many times...
and here she was, begging for
more
from the poor man.
so, she kept quiet. she knew this was yet another battle she would have to fight alone.
when she clicked the bathroom lock into place, she caressed the ribbon around her bicep, the memento everyone kept to remember
her
.
aerith.
her best friend.
one of her first friends that was a girl, though she felt that “friend” was not enough to describe what she and aerith had. they just fit together like puzzle pieces, despite the obvious problem, their feelings for the same man.
tifa vowed to herself silently, after she witnessed how aerith selflessly put her life on the line to protect marlene, that she would never hate aerith. she would accept whatever aerith chose to do, she would never blame aerith, never despise her, never let her own undying feelings for cloud get in the way of her and aerith. she would not.
so why did she have dreams of a different world?
ones of where aerith was saved by cloud, where aerith properly confessed her feelings to cloud, where cloud had enough time with aerith and could finalize his feelings for aerith, where tifa was just another attendee at their wedding...
why did those dreams frighten her?
she knew cloud loved her, she had seen his hidden and tender memories, he had confirmed it with her under the highwind on that fateful night, but what if all of that was just because aerith was not around?
she knew she was wrong for feeling jealous of a deceased friend, but she could not control her heart at the time of night when it was her, her seemingly interminable tears, the floor of the bathroom, the running water in the toilet, and cloud's overwhelming presence waiting in their bedroom.
she turned on the water to wash her face, hopefully it would help to soothe the redness in her eyes. she looked into the mirror to see she had no luck at possibly avoiding more concerned looks from the man she had given her heart to.
she sighed, stepping out of the bathroom, looking at the clock installed on the wall.
only fifteen minutes this time, that's three minutes less then last night.
she shut the door behind her, her heart jumped as she looked up to see cloud standing there, waiting. he pursed his lips as he tried to say something. normally, tifa would listen to whatever he had to say as it was rare he wanted to say anything, but she found herself running away. she heard the rustle of his sleeves as he tried to stop her, but she could not look at him without seeing him with
her
.
she knew it was silly and childish.
"tifa!" he called her name like he always did, but this time it made her stomach churn.
this is stupid, tifa. you're only making the gap between you two bigger, don't you love him?
she chose to ignore that voice, even if it was right. she left their home, walking into the night. she did not know where her feet would take her, but anything was better than
here
. with
him
.
the city was alive, more alive than she had ever seen it. perhaps that near death experience breathed a new hope and joy into everyone's life, tifa wished she could bask in that euphoria too. she watched a young couple smiling and holding hands as they both flushed in the heat of alcohol. tifa clenched her fists.
... that's how she ended up at a random bar. the bartender recognized her, and gave a free drink. she made sure to thank them before drinking it, it barely did anything so she asked for refills. more refills. more.
more
.
more
. she wanted more until she drowned. she wanted to drown in the atmosphere, where people barely let their burdens catch up with them, where everyone seemed to have a sense of freedom, she wanted to let herself be absorbed in it.
the bartender forcibly closing her tab did not take long at the rate she was drinking, so she was soon gently escorted out. now it was just her and the starry night sky. as the world began to spin just for her, she was reminded of that shy boy who called her to the water tower that night.
"cloud..," tifa said, already on the verge of tears again.
she could not take a breath without the feeling of being choked, the tears already caked onto her face. she wandered over to a closed shop, letting her back rest against the sturdy wooden wall. looking up to the sky, she recalled the girl who always feared what the big vast blue sky held.
"aerith... can't you just visit me once?"
she had not forgotten what cloud said happened to him, the messages he would get from the flower girl, how it helped him get closure. she was...
envious
, was that it? she desperately wanted a vision, a message, she would take even a
call
. if tifa could just
hear
or even
see
her, she could stop dwelling so much on her. at least, that is what tifa wanted to believe, so badly.
she took hold of the ribbon on her bicep, threading her fingers through the fabric—like she did with aerith's hair. she wanted to braid the girl's hair again, wanted hear aerith's heartwarming laugh and see how her eyes lightened up when she would touch her ribbon. she let go of the ribbon and bit her lips as she held back tears.
"tifa? why are you crying? what's wrong?" a voice with a bright timber called out to her.
tifa raised her head cautiously, nervous to see who was in front of her, but if she wanted to move on; she would have to take this leap.
looking up, she was met with a breathtaking sight. there stood the girl she could not put a label on, her beautiful shining green eyes that seemed to look through your very soul, her long braided brown hair that tifa used to braid for her when she was winded from their travels, her pink bow that used to hold the weight of the world, and that beautiful pink dress she never dared leave without. she was
there
. tifa was sure she looked dumbfounded because aerith started giggling, a sound tifa did not realize she had missed so much.
"aerith... aerith? is it really you? it's not just the alcohol messing with my head?" tifa asked, slowly pushing her back off the wall.
all aerith did was smile sweetly and take tifa's hand. leading her like she always did her friends, like she was guiding tifa's soul.
"aerith... what are you doing here?"
"you called for me. you've never done that before, so i came. of course~," aerith replied, with her usual sing-songy tone.
"aerith... i'm sorry," tifa said, holding aerith's hand tighter.
"sorry... for what?" aerith asked, stopping her movement.
"everything," tifa hated giving such vague answers, but she really did mean
everything.
"everything? but you never did anything wrong?" aerith replied, sounding confused.
"huh? w-what do you mean? i was too late, i couldn't save you. i was the one who started bringing you into all of
this
, yet i was the one who lived. and, for cloud..," tifa looked away, afraid of what expression aerith had.
"... you really are two peas in a pod," aerith said.
"uh, what?"
"you and cloud, you have the same issue. tifa, i never ever blamed anyone but sephiroth. there was
nothing
you could have done in that moment," aerith held both of tifa's hands.
tifa marveled at how soft aerith's hands were in contrast to her roughed up and scarred ones, like she was born to be a princess. aerith was someone she was supposed to protect, and she failed.
"aerith... you're so kind."
"i am, but that's not the main issue. you're all my friends, i knew what danger i could be in, but remember; i prayed for you
all
to be safe and spared. that was my last wish, but i'll make a new one, just for you. won't you help grant it?" aerith smiled, her eyes slightly curling into a crescent.
"of course...
of course
i will, aerith," tifa replied, gripping aerith's hands tightly.
aerith inhaled, it was then tifa could see the lifestream surrounding her. this was taking all of aerith's strength to remain here with her, to say these last few words before time ran out.
"tifa, i wish for you to be happy. happy with cloud, marlene, and denzel. i have seen how hard you have been working, how difficult it was when cloud left, and how much those three
love
you, tifa. it's time to relax... you've earned it.
so, tifa, it's time to let me go. can you do that? it won't be easy, but i wish for you to be happy, and i support whatever path you plan on taking," aerith's body started to fade away into green light.
"it'll be okay. i'll be okay.
aerith, will i see you again?"
aerith giggled.
"i hope not! if i see you again, i’ll kick you away! … i'll miss you tifa, but don't forget, zack is by my side. just like cloud is there with you,
let him in
, tifa. you've both spent years waiting for the other, you know how much of cloud's life he dedicated to simply impressing
you
. i did like him, yes, but that doesn't matter. focus on the present."
aerith stepped close to her, standing on her tippy-toes to kiss her forehead, before winking and walking away into nothingness. all that was left was tifa, the night sky, and alcohol in her blood. she silently sat down on the ground, touching her forehead, slightly blushing. however happy she felt in that moment, it was overwhelmed by the feeling of confusion. what was she supposed to do to grant aerith's wish? where should she even start with cloud? she could not help but cry, perhaps the alcohol was a bad idea, because she was crying all her makeup off.
"tifa?" a deep voice called to her.
she turned her head to see someone she did not expect to see.
"oh... vincent..," she replied, smiling softly.
"you're crying. did something happen?" he asked bluntly.
she could see in his crimson eyes that it was a question filled with a quiet seething anger, though she could not quite decipher towards whom.
"nothing... nothing at all," she found herself lying.
she heard the
clink clink
of vincent's outfit before he was right in front of her. she could not bring herself to acknowledge him.
"when you lie, you avoid eye contact," vincent commented, before wrapping a stiff and awkward arm around her, "but... i am here. for you, tifa. we are... friends, right?"
she let her body fall onto his, tears already free falling.
"... thank you," she let her arms hang, not wanting to hug him back.
"i don't want to go back to the bar.. but there's no where else for me to go..," she lamented.
all she received was a grunt from the stoic man, it almost made her laugh, how similar he was to cloud. she rested her head on his chest, it bothered her slightly that there was no heartbeat, but his protective aura calmed her. she focused on syncing her breathing with his, letting her legs give out, knowing vincent would not allow her to fall. he let her use him as a wall to lean on, not uttering a single word since his previous sentence. she could not help but be grateful.
they stayed like that for a while, tifa slowly hearing the city go to sleep. only the occasional gust of wind reminded her where she was, she heard all the shopkeepers finally end a long day’s work, heard all the drunken people slump into an alleyway, but she focused on vincent’s breathing. before she knew it, she too fell into sleep's embrace. she vaguely recalled arms under her legs and back, carrying her.
she did not wake up in the bar, but in the bed of the man who had come across her the night prior. she looked around to see him asleep on the window sill, smiling to herself. she stood up and gently carried him to his bed, careful to not wake him. as she lowered him onto the bed, his eyes opened. he sat up immediately.
"you're awake," vincent said.
"yes. thank you," she whispered, smiling.
"...are you going to be okay?" he asked, concern appearing on his otherwise cold face.
his question pierced a hole through her heart.
am i going to be okay? what should i even say?
then she realized that vincent is the last person who would care enough to judge her.
"vincent, last night, i saw aerith. she visited me. she wished for my happiness, but i don't even know where to start. she wants me to go back home, to the bar, but what if what me and cloud have... is broken forever? like shattered glass?" tifa spoke, looking into his dead red eyes.
"...you believe
that
?" he simply asked.
"what? what do you mean?"
vincent sat in silence for a moment, carefully selecting his next words, a habit he seemed to abuse. he exhaled and shut his eyes before speaking.
"even a fool could see that man can barely breathe without you."
she stood there for a couple of beats, in silence and shock, but vincent never wavered.
"vincent... i don't know... what you're talking about..."
he simply shook his head slightly, pulling up his cloak to hide a small smile.
"love is a phenomenon that lingers and grows stronger."
tifa could sense that was all vincent was willing to say for a while, so she sat down on his floor to process it. she and cloud had been in each other's life longer than they had been apart, she could not think of a point in her life where cloud was not in her mind at least once. when they were younger, cloud had always been watching her from afar, something she noticed but did not want to call him out on, even as her father forcibly separated them; cloud was always there. he had loved her longer than she had loved him, harboring feelings inside his heart for nearly his whole life, a will to protect her growing in his very being, she did not need to worry.
"i should go back home," tifa said, smiling.
vincent nodded, standing up to guide her outside.
"be safe."
ever the brief man, vincent turned back into his residence, leaving tifa to thank the shadow he cast.
she was on her own yet again, or at least that is what she felt like. she checked her phone and saw texts from cloud.
cloud (5)
tifa are you ok
where did you go?
tifa answer me
tifa i am putting marlene and denzel to bed now
tifa pls text me back when you can
tifa bit her lip, he was never the type to text a lot. she realized he must have been frightened by her outburst, given that they were “okay” just days prior. however, there was still a burning anger in her heart, something that made her want to block him right there and never go back home. she put a hand over her chest, taking a deep breath.
memories,
so many
of them flooded her mind.
a broken cloud, stranded in midgar, death-gripping a sword in his hand. his eyes lifeless as they looked up at her, how life seemed to breathe into them when he uttered her name. how he looked like a shell of the young boy who left nibelheim full of promise, how much she just wanted to
protect
him in that moment, cradle him into her arms and lull him to sleep with nursery rhymes their parents sang to them. he looked at her like she was his guiding star.
a tender cloud, as he outstretched his hand to tifa, showing his heart to her. waiting for her to take his hand, as fireworks erupted in the background, the tension in the gondola rose by the second. his stare sharp enough to cut through glass, as he looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. as he pulled her towards him, wrapping his strong arms around her, she swore she could hear how his heartbeat rose. as he grasped her shoulders gently, she realized what was happening. his lips on hers was something she used to daydream about when she gazed upon the starry night sky in their small village, but now it was happening. he had placed his trust and devotion onto
her
.
a lost cloud, devoid of his identity and sense of life, wandering aimlessly in his own subconscious, trying to find who he was. she witnessed just how much she flooded his mind and how much he
needed
her, needed her to stay by his side and envelop him with her love. he showed his overwhelming amount of favor and love he held for her deep within his heart, protected and sheltered from everything else. he always proved he would protect tifa and everything about her.
a complete cloud, finally one with his true identity, his true purpose, comforting her through the night. the grass poked her ankles as they shared their deepest concerns, her head on his shoulder, cloud cutting off her thoughts and holding her tight. cloud undressing and cradling her in his arms, showing her the absolute most gentle he could be as he treated her body like a sacred temple. she and him had already confirmed their feelings without words, she could only wonder how she could finally convey her love to him with words of her own.
“oh, cloud… i can’t stay mad at you i suppose,” tifa exhaled.
her hand shook as she picked up her phone, dialing cloud’s number. as it rang, her heartbeat quickened, nervous that he would be too angry to answer her. all those worries were quelled when he answered on the third ring, sounding exasperated and speaking with haste.
“tifa!? are you okay? where are you? i’ll come get you,” cloud spoke, his words jumbling together from the speed at which he was talking.
“cloud… i’m at vincent’s place, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to walk out like that,” tifa apologized, “i’ll come back home today.”
“vincent’s? … i’ll come get you.”
his voice held a weight to it tifa could not explain, but it was unlike anything she had ever heard from him before. he hung up shortly after, leading her to wait where she stood, though she felt that they would be okay. they had been through hell and back together, they could handle anything fate threw at them, tifa was sure of it now; she could not believe she ever let doubt creep into her mind.
time passed and she soon heard the revving of an engine, it was fenrir’s. she saw cloud nearly surpassing the speed limit to get to her, she waved at him and saw as he merely nodded in acknowledgement. he braked near her, the screeching of the wheels showcasing how fast he was really going, he took off his glasses with urgency.
“tifa. we need to talk,” cloud said, offering a hand to her.
right there, tifa began to cry.
“tifa?! what’s wrong? did i say something wrong?”
“no… i just… i want to be with you forever, just me, you, denzel, and marlene,” tifa spoke with a soft smile, taking his hand.
“tifa…,” he had a habit of saying her name like that, it was a natural reflex for him.
“let’s go. let’s go home, cloud,” she saw a small smirk appear on his face.
he hoisted her onto the back of fenrir, jumping off after seeing she had settled. she instinctively wrapped her arms around his waist, enjoying the warmth of his back. his calming heartbeat nearly lulled her to sleep as she knew he would never let them crash, not when she was clinging onto him with no helmet.
then, he spoke.
“...was i too late?” he asked, his voice breaking.
“what do you mean?” she responded.
“you… you were at vincent’s,” he stated.
“what..? oh, oh my god, cloud! nothing happened, do you think vincent’s that type of man?” she exclaimed.
“he’s fallen in love with another man’s woman before,” cloud replied.
a pregnant pause began.
another man’s woman?
so that means i am cloud’s woman?
but he has never asked me to be his wife, nor girlfriend…
“i-i’m sure he would never and he didn’t do anything to me, cloud!!” she yelled, pouting.
cloud grunted in response, simply speeding up the bike.
the ride overall was awkward but cozy, cloud did not pry any further into what tifa did the night prior. she was grateful, but soon realized cloud was simply a ticking bomb, waiting to explode once they were alone.
when she sat down onto their bed, cloud collapsed in front of her, on his knees. he rested his head onto her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and lower back.
“c-cloud?”
“i… i was worried,” cloud muttered into her thighs.
“worried..?”
“worried you wouldn't come back. that you were done with me, with
us
.”
“...well, what
are
we. what is
us
?” she asked, moving her hand to brush through his hair.
she felt him pause, before she watched him lift his head to look at her.
“what do you… do you think we’re just friends, tifa?” he asked.
“you’ve never asked me to be your girlfriend, cloud…”
he let his head fall onto her lap again, groaning as the tip of his ears turned red.
“sometimes… i used to wonder if you had stayed with me only because aerith had.. died,” tifa spoke.
this caused cloud’s head to shoot up faster than lightning.
“that’s-”
“i know that’s not the case. now i do, i just got caught up with emotions. but then i thought about what we were, were we together or
together
, you know?”
“tifa…”
he stood up and hugged her, launching them both onto the bed.
“i love you.”
the world stopped, it was like the birds stopped flying, the clouds stopped drifting, the earth stopped spinning, or maybe it was just tifa’s heart stopping. cloud held her head into his chest, not letting her look at his face.
“i just thought you knew,” cloud muttered shyly.
“cloud… i love you too.”
she heard him chuckle, and they laid like that for a while. tifa did not feel tears coming, she felt an encompassing warmth fill her heart, a want for cloud and her to never ever separate again. the feeling of his arms around her, his comforting heartbeat, and the warmth of his body. all of those things were things she could no longer live without. sleep overtook them, they slept for a long while until the sun went down.
when the night came, they hung up their ribbons, moving forward. this time, truly
together
.