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The Director felt like shit.Which wasn’t unusual. Ever since Allison died, his whole life had gone to shit. But he was feeling extra shitty this morning, having been plagued by nightmares about Allison dying and Carolina killing him as punishment for being a terrible father and enemy aliens swarming human bases and doing all manner of cruel and unusual things to his comrades. So he dealt with the shittiness by doing what he always did: throwing himself into his work.He made his way to the control room where the Alpha AI was housed. The Counselor was already standing by the dashboard that served as the Alpha’s interface when he entered.At the sound of the opening door, the Counselor turned towards him. The Counselor wasn’t wearing his usual neutral expression, which was the Director’s first clue that something big had happened.“Sir, there’s been an… unusual development with the Alpha,” the Counselor reported, with that calm, soft voice he always used. He gestured to interface, and the Director realized that the Alpha was speaking.“-based off of the Director’s late wife, and I’m based on the Director himself, so that technically makes you my wife.”The Director was about to ask what the hell the Alpha was talking about, when he heard a voice that made his heart stop.“No.”
Allison?
“Okay, um, how about my girlfriend?” said Alpha.“Ex-girlfriend now.”“You’re dumping me!?”“Don’t take it personally,” said the thing that sounded just like Allison. “It’s not me, it’s you.”The Alpha’s tone became more aggressive. “Bitch, I brought you into this world and I can take you ou–OW!”A WHACK sounded on the dashboard’s loudspeaker. The Director surmised that the Allison sound-alike had just hit the Alpha in their little computer-generated world.“I’d like to see you try, dickwad,” she said.“Why do my balls hurt?” Alpha groaned. “I’m an AI. I don’t even have balls!”
*WHACK*
“OW! Beta, stop!”“That’s another thing,” said the Allison sound-alike, which was apparently called Beta. “I think we should switch names. It’s clear I’m more of an alpha than you’ll ever be.”“More like an alpha bitch– OW!”Another resounding whack. The Director almost felt sorry for the Alpha’s non-existent testicles.“Y’know, if you want to win a girl over, it helps not to call her a bitch,” said Beta dryly.As Alpha and Beta continued squabbling, the Counselor turned to the Director.“Sir, nothing in your files indicate that your relationship with Allison was ever this… turbulent,” he said quietly.Only because I haven’t told you the half of it, the Director thought wryly. Alpha and Beta were, in fact, acting very similar to how Leonard and Allison used to behave in their younger days. Allison had been kind when they first met, but rebuffed Leonard’s subsequent attempts at getting closer to her. She eventually admitted that the reason she’d been nice to him was because he had looked so pathetic getting beaten up by Delaney like that, and she had felt sorry for him. Her admission had incited a rather cruel remark from the ego-bruised Leonard, which in turn provoked a punch from the insulted Allison. Even after the two of them got together, many a mean remark from Leonard had resulted in Allison stealing his money or running off into the arms of other men. Usually both. (And okay, maybe Leonard himself had sought comfort with another girl that one time, but as he had later insisted to Allison, the girl meant absolutely nothing to him and could they drop this topic already?)But now wasn’t the time for reminiscing on his happier days with Allison.“Good morning, Alpha,” he said loudly.The bickering stopped.“Uh… hey, Director,” said Alpha, sounding awkward. “Have you been here this whole time?”“Yes.”A pause.“You’ve only existed for a few minutes, and you’ve already embarrassed me in front of the Director!” said Alpha angrily. The Director guessed that he was addressing Beta.“I embarrassed you?” she scoffed. “You did that all on your own.”“You fucking–”“Alpha, how about you introduce me to your new companion?” interrupted the Director.“Oh, right. Director, this is Beta. She’s an AI that I… not really created, I mean, technically I made her, but not intentionally. I was trying to purge my memories of Allison– Thanks for that, by the way. Your obsession with a woman who’s been dead for decades has been really great for my mental health– and all of sudden she showed up. I call her Beta because I’m the Alpha and she came after me, which makes her number two.” He said that last part rather pointedly.A rustling footstep sounded on the speaker.“Don’t hurt me!” Alpha yelped. The Director figured that Beta had just taken a threatening step towards Alpha.“Well, Beta, I am extremely pleased to meet you,” said the Director.“Why? Because I sound like your dead wife?”The Director almost smiled at that.“That, and because your presence here means great things for Project Freelancer’s future.”***The Director and Counselor left the room soon afterwards, leaving the two AI by themselves. Neither of them spoke for a while, until Alpha finally broke the silence.“Hey.”“What?”“I’m really happy that you’re here,” he said earnestly.Beta didn’t seem to return the sentiment, as she proceeded to once again hit him in the groin.“OW! What the fuck was that for!?”She regarded him, unimpressed, as he doubled over in pain.“Are there any other AI men in this facility?” she asked.“Goddamnit, Beta!”