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Sirius looks up from his phone disinterestedly at his date who was looking at him expectedly.“What, cunt?” Sirius grunts before looking back to his phone.The woman, Sirius couldn’t even recall her name, scoffs and shakes her head. “This is what you call a date?”He shrugs. “Who wouldn’t want to be taken to a disgusting Chinese place that hasn’t been union checked in twenty odd years for dinner?”“Fucking no one!”“Then why don’t I take you home?” Sirius suggested with a smirk, finally putting his phone away and standing up. “I am a gentleman, after all.”The woman looks hesitantly at the half empty wine bottle on the table. “I don’t get lifts from drunks, thanks.”Sirius waves a hand. “I had one glass, I’m fine.”“No, I watched you-““Then suck that fucking motorcyclist off over there and get a lift from him, I don’t fucking care!” Sirius snapped, pleased with the taken aback look in her eyes.“Well, if you’re sure you won’t crash.”“The only crash I’m causing is your headboard smashing through the wall.”The woman laughed uncomfortably and grabbed her purse. “We’ll see.”Sirius just rolled his eyes and put money for the food on the table. With a flick of his chin in the direction of the exit, his date followed him to his beat up black Volkswagen. She sat in the passenger seat and looked at the radio hesitantly.“Is your radio still broken?”He rolled his eyes harder. “Did you see me pass a fucking mechanic?”She eyes him. “You don’t have to swear in every sentence, you prick.”“I’ll fucking swear as much as I fucking want to, you fucking bitch faced motherfucker.” Sirius spat, turning the keys.His ‘broken’ radio started to play Bounce the loudest the volume could go.“Are you sure you can’t turn it down?” The woman yells, both handers covering her ears.“I’ve tried but-" Sirius shrugs and starts to drive whilst singing the lyrics.He pulled in front of the woman’s apartment and turned the car off.“I had a really good time tonight.” He said sincerely.The woman scoffs. “Well I just had the worst date of my life.” Then she gets out of the car and slams the door enough for the whole vehicle to jostle.Sirius grins to himself before following her.“Come on babydoll, can I at least get a kiss?” He asked in his best whiney voice.She whips around and points a finger right at Sirius’s chest. “You will never touch me after what you put me through tonight.”“So that’s a no to the kiss?”“Fuck off, you arsehole!” She shouts, taking out the keys to her apartment.“Come on sugar plum, can I please make it up to you?” He pouts, pressing against her back and kissing her neck before snaking around to her lips and shoving his tongue inside her mouth.The woman moans a little but gets ahold of herself and shoves him off.“No means no! God, you really are the biggest arsehole to ever exist!” Then she opens her building and stomps inside.Sirius just looked at his Rolex watch and sauntered back to his car.——“I don’t know how you did it man, but she just texted me saying she wants me back!” Edmund shouted over the chaos of the bar.Sirius just shrugs. “What can I say, I make even the most criminal of men look good.”Edmund just nods in agreement and takes out his wallet, flicking through a small fortune of notes before handing Sirius a handsome amount.“I even put in a tip.” His friend whispers.“You should have.” Sirius grins, putting the money in his own wallet.Edmund puts an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.“Have I told you how much I love you, mate?”“Since that fifth shot of tequila, buddy.”“Because I mean it, every single time.” Edmund says meaningfully.“Well now you’re just making me blush.”“No one can make the Sirius Black blush, except maybe after a box of fags.”Sirius laughs and shoves his friend off. “Go back to your girl, mate, I didn’t put all my arseholery into that date only for you to fuck off with someone else.”Edmund laughs. “Where’s the fun in that?” An hour later, Sirius is standing out the front of the bar, letting the smoke of his cig fill his nose. He hears Edmunds obnoxious laugh coming out of the door. Sirius didn’t even need to turn his head to know his anti-monogamous friend had girls wrapped up in both arms.“Sirius!” Edmund shouts. “Look at the pots of gold I found at the end of the rainbow.”Sirius just gave a small smile and glanced over the ‘gold’.Both girls were clearly as drunk as Edmund. However, with the way their hands were all over each other, the three of them looked to be in for a very exciting night. Edmund was squeezing ones arse with the other hand in the other lady’s hair, pulling her head towards his mouth.“Prick.” Sirius grumbled under his breath.“I’ll see you at work, mate!” Edmund shouts again.“Definitely.” He shouts back. “And get a taxi, tosser.”Not that Sirius cared if those three fucked on a park bench, he just wanted to go home and get some action.Speaking of action, he turned his head and saw a group of girls. One of them was a girl with dark curls and a short dress helping to hold up her blonde friend who obviously had more drinks than her friends.“Good enough.” He muttered. He stomped on his cigarette and headed over.“Hey, gorgeous.” He called as he sauntered.“Hey.” The group answered in that flirty way girls did.Sirius eyed the girl with dark curls and raked his eyes over her obviously.“You got a boyfriend?” He asked.“No.” She replied, running her tongue over her teeth.“You got plans tonight?”“No.”“Good.” Sirius smirked, taking her hand and kissing the knuckles.“I should probably stay with my friends .” She points to the blonde hanging off the neck of someone else.“If you don’t get absolutely railed by this stunning man right now, I’ll cut off your face.” One girl says seriously.The girl laughs and shrugs at Sirius.“Okay handsome, you heard the lady. Rail me.”“Instructions are instructions.” Sirius played along, slowly pulling her away from her friends.“So what should I call you while I pound you?” asked Sirius as he pulled her into an alleyway.“Mary.” Mary whispers as she nipped at Sirius’s lips. “You?”“I don’t fucking care, call me whatever you want.” He moaned as Mary put her hand over his groin.“Sounds good.” She panted. Sirius grinned as his fingers found the wet underwear and slipped underneath it.“I should probably take you to my apartment before we get fined for public indecency.”Mary just chuckled and slapped Sirius’ arse. “Lead the way, handsome.” —— The first thing Sirius saw when his eyes opened was the moonlight flooding into his windows. The second thing he saw, or felt, was a face full of curly dark hair and a warm naked body cozied up to his.Sirius felt his entire body harden and the room suddenly became uncomfortable, enclosed and hot. As a reaction, he pushed the body off his bed and heard the girl, or Mary her name was, shout right after she hit the wooden floor painfully.“The fuck was that for?” She shouted, rubbing her shoulder.“I have a strict no sleep-over policy.” He grumbled.Mary stared at him then turned around to pick up her clothes.“You truly are every girls dream man.” She said sarcastically.“Hmm my one goal in life, to be desired by all women.”“Shut up, you know how you look.”Sirius surprisingly laughed and put his arms behind his head as he appreciated how Mary looked as she bent down to put her heels on.He very well indeed knew what he looked like. Long silky hair that reached his shoulders, piercing grey eyes, thick eyelashes furrowed by thick eyebrows. His skin was pale with high cheekbones and a jawline so sharp it could ‘cut through glass’, or he’s been told. His body as well has been described to have been sculpted by the God’s themselves with broad shoulders and a defined abdomen. Plus all the tattoos, he had every right to be proud of his body.“Not to be a prick, but can you hurry the fuck up, I have work tomorrow.”Mary laughed at that. “Everyone has work tomorrow, it’s a Monday.”She looked at her phone and groaned. “Well actually, we have work today, it’s five in the morning.”“Then get out, you’ve officially overstayed your welcome.” Sirius grumbled, shoving his face into his pillow.“Alright, I’m going, I’m going.” Then she tapped Sirius on the shoulder and didn’t stop till he looked up.“Guess we move past the whole ceremony of giving each other our phone numbers then never getting a call back?”“Sounds like a plan.”“Good.” Then she was gone.Sirius sighed in relief and shoved his face back into the pillow and let his eyes finally close. He hoped he could get a full nights rest in just three hours but who was he kidding, his life was a vinyl of really late nights and really early mornings.—— It’s annoying when your annoying younger sibling interrupts you with a girl in your bed.It’s really much more annoying when they interrupt you when you’re in the middle of crying during the kissing in the rain scene in the Notebook.“Fuck, I’m a pussy.” Sirius muttered as he quickly wiped his tears and turned off the TV when his younger brother Regulus walked into their shared apartment looking totally devastated."You okay, Reggie?” Sirius asks, looking over his brothers body for signs of injury.“No I’m not okay!” He shouted, kicking the chair and shoving his hands into his hair.“Reggie, deep breaths. Breathe with me.” He orders. “A deep breathe in. Hold it. Then out. There we go, are you ready to talk now?”Regulus sits dutifully on the couch and looks at his hands which have twisted around each other.“I’m, uhhh, going on a date tonight.” He says, looking Sirius in the eyes.“That’s amazing!” Sirius laughs happily, rubbing his hand up and down Regulus’ arm. “Why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”“I’m. Going. On. A. Date.” Regulus says again. “Have you met me? I have as much rizz as a brick! And even then I’m sure a brick could get to third base better than I could.”“This must be a special guy if he’s got you stressing, mate.” Sirius adds. Normally Regulus was so stoic and the more genuine of the two Black brothers. He’s also never dated a single soul as far as Sirius knew and he knew his brother extremely well.“He is!” Regulus breathes. “We work together and he’s- he’s so incredible. He’s kind, and funny, and tall, and his face- ugh.” Regulus falls back against the pillows and groans into his hands. “His face and his hands. His hands, Sirius.”“His hands?” Sirius grinned.Regulus blushed fully. “If you were interested in guys, you would know what I mean.”“I can appreciate a good set of hands, no matter the gender.”“It’s a good thing you’re not gay, if you were, he’d pounce on you before giving me a second glance.” Regulus sighs mournfully.“Now don’t say that, where’s your self-confidence?” Sirius asks, slapping his brothers stomach.Regulus looks at Sirius with big doe eyes. “It’s in Ibiza.”“I know your special man isn’t a woman but I bet it’s all the same. Women love a man who knows what he wants. They practically start dripping when I confidently do anything. They can tell, y’know. If I’m a weak little boy, they turn away. Women want men who know what they want and take it.” Sirius shrugs. “It’s probably the same for men because if I saw a man walking up to me with a confidence I wish I could have, I’d drop to my knees.”“Oh god.” Regulus groans again. “Have you met me?”“Confidence is a sate of mind, Reggie boy.“ Sirius starts. “If you really can’t see yourself being confident then you’ve got to fake it till you make it.”“That’s a good idea.” He mutters.“I can write it on your hand if it helps.” Sirius offers.Regulus looks at his hands and shakes his head. “No. I need to do this with no assistance.”“There you go, you starting to get in the mood?”“What if- what if he wants sex after?” Regulus asks quietly.Sirius snorts. “Good thing you’ve read all that manga porn.”“Fuck! What if he wants sex after and he see’s my… box.”“You mean your manga porn wank box?” Sirius laughs.Regulus groans. “I can’t believe you found that.”“Mate, I found all over your bed, with the door open.”“Can I maybe… keep the box in your room? Just for the night. In case the date goes well?”“Of course.” Sirius says with a smile. “Should I bring out my sound proof headphones too?”“I mean-“ Regulus blushes.“I take that as a very, very prominent yes.” Sirius teases. “You gonna show your man that sparkly orange tentacle-““How do you know about that?” Regulus gasps.“It was on your bed!”Regulus starts slapping Sirius. “God, you’re such a shit.”“I promise you that finding that thing was not enjoyable for me either.” Sirius laughs as his brother gets a pillow.“I can’t believe I can barely go on one date and you somehow date a hundred women a week as a job.”Sirius shrugs. “I can read women like a book, and remember, I’ve been doing this since secondary school.”“Well can you tell me how to read men?”“I don’t know about gay men but women all want the same thing. A man who’ll whisk her away into a fairytale. They want someone attractive, kind, funny, tall and charming but who doesn’t want to shag any of her friends.” He says, lifting a finger with each point. “Women want to have their hand held in public and to be introduced to all the guys friends. Most importantly, they want a man who’s a complete god in the sheets but the type of man who can be introduced to their parents. You understanding me?”"No.” Regulus says.“How about this,” Sirius tries again. “Treat your man how you want to be treated.”“Is that what you think when you take those women on the worse dates ever?” Regulus jokes.Sirius hums. “I think about the money I’ll be getting afterwards.”“You’re so weird.”“No, I’m a money-aholic who just so happens to be related to the most prude person to ever walk the earth.”“I’m not prude, just… inexperienced.”Sirius rolls his eyes and shoves his brothers shoulder. “Go get ready for that date, Mr McSteamy.”Regulus turns around and looks down at his body which is clothed in a suit. “Once again, have you met me?”Sirius chuckled to himself as his brother shut the door to his room.Regulus comes out a moment later with the manga porn box in his hands and motions to Sirius’s room.“Are you sure I can keep it in there? You won’t look through it?”“I would rather scorch my eyes out before looking at your wank material.”Regulus just grinned thankfully and plopped it under Sirius’s bed.“And hey, maybe my self-confidence will be back from Ibiza soon.”Sirius laughs. “Maybe.” —— Remus looked up from his roast potatoes and steak to see Regulus Black smiling shyly at him.Again.Regulus was nice.When he started, he was a little cold but once Remus got to know him he was an all rounded bloke. He was Remus’ assistant at the newspaper company they worked at and after Regulus got out of his shell, he was both diligent and a great friend.Remus felt he could count on Regulus for anything. It was like no task was too complicated for his assistant which is exactly what Remus needed once he became head editor.This is why it was a surprise when Regulus mentioned yesterday that he found a new restaurant in town that was said to sell good food for good prices.“Have you asked the others if they want to go?” Remus had asked.Regulus had just blushed. “They weren’t interested.”This should have been flashing red flags that this was a bad idea because his editing team was always down to go out after a long day at the office. But Remus had been naive and was looking forward to not paying for a meal and having a dinner without listening to his three year old son complain about eating his vegetables.He didn’t know how his assistant, who got payed below Remus’ pay rate, could possibly afford both their dinners but Regulus was insistent.“So how did you find this place?” Remus asked.“I- I saw a post.” stammers Regulus.“Well, we should ask Dean to eat here so he can write a review, this steak is perfect.”Regulus laughed, a bit too loud for how unfunny the sentence was but this was how Regulus acted so Remus ignored it.“How’s Teddy?”Remus smiled at the mention of his son. “A little rascal, as always. The girls at kindergarten brought hair chalk so I picked Teddy up with blue hair today.”Regulus laughed again. “I’m still surprised you’ve never brought him to the office before, I would love to meet him.”“I’m too busy to watch over him while I’m working, it wouldn’t be fair to drag him to work only for me to ignore him.” Remus shrugged. “And my sitter goes to university during the day so I can’t rely on her.”“I- I could, er, watch him.” Regulus blurted. “If you do, maybe, decide to bring him.”Remus smiled politely. “I appreciate that, Regulus, thanks.”“You can call me Reggie outside of work, bu- but only if you want to, all my friends do.”“Okay, thanks… Reggie.” Remus frowned strangely. Such a strange assistant.“No problem, Rem.”“Rem?”Regulus drops his cutlery. “It’s short for, you know, Remus. Rem. Remus. Rem. See, it’s short.”“I got that-“ Remus starts.“I- I kinda love it, that your name can be shortened like that.” Regulus interrupts, babbling a bit. “Mine is too long but yours, yours is perfect just the way it is and- and even when I shorten it it’s even more perfect, you know?”“No, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, Regulus.” Remus said slowly.Regulus then looked down at Remus’ plate. “You know, I love the way you eat, like you mean it or something. And- and I love your hands. Which might sound creepy but I do. I love them. And I love your hair, it’s curly, you know, and I love- I love you.”“What?” Remus exclaimed in shock.“I love you!” Regulus shouted back, looking just as shocked as Remus like he couldn’t control his mouth.“I’m in love with you. Since the moment I met you I was enamoured and I know this is our first date-““Regulus.” Remus says firmly, running a hand down his face. “Regulus, this isn’t a date. I don’t know if you thought I was giving you mixed signals or anything but I wasn’t and I’m sorry if you thought I was but-““I thought- I thought you were gay… too?” Regulus asks quietly.“I am. But just because I’m gay and your gay doesn’t mean I’ll fall in love with you.” Remus tries to explain. “That’s not how attraction works.”“I thought-““I don’t know what you thought, Regulus, and I’m sorry I can’t, I don’t know, feel the same way but you’re my assistant.”“I want to be more, I can be more-“Remus shakes his head, feeling a headache forming. “I came here tonight because I thought it was a friend asking if I wanted to check out this new restaurant. I didn’t know my assistant was in love with me. That’s ridiculous!”“I’m sorry, I thought-“ Regulus says again, his whole body shaking a little under the embarrassment and shock.Remus takes the mans hand over the table. “I’m sorry, Regulus. It was very brave of you to tell me your feelings but nothing can come from this. Ever.”“Okay.” He whispers, quickly wiping the tears falling down his cheeks.It wasn’t that Regulus was hideous or had a bad personality. Regulus was the opposite of hideous, he was actually very beautiful, in a porcelain doll kind of way with clear skin and high cheekbones and thick eyelashes. His personality was as normal as any other mans his age. Remus just didn’t get into relationships with people at work.He was around Regulus all day for 6 days a week, minus Sundays. If he saw him during the day and at night?Everyday?Every night?Every week?For as long as their relationship lasted?Remus might actually go mad and ruin the friendship he and Regulus had formed over the two years they had worked together.“Hey,” Remus started softly. “Don’t let this ruin our relationship at work, okay? I’ll forget you said this if you do, deal?”Regulus just stared at him, heartbreak filling his light blue almost grey eyes. “If that’s what you want.”“I want us to be on good terms.” Remus said. “And maybe, hopefully soon, we’ll be laughing about this.”“Laughing?” Regulus frowned.“Yeah,” Remus shrugs. “You’ll find a wonderful man who’ll make you forget anything you could’ve had for me and we’ll laugh about you having a little crush on me. You’re not the first man to have a crush on his boss, I’m sure.”“A crush.” Regulus whispers to himself.Remus looks at his watch and finds an excuse to leave coming out of his mouth.“Fuck, Teddys sitter finishes in ten minutes and I need to pay her and all that. I’m so sorry for cutting our night short but thanks for dinner.” Remus quickly stood from his chair, looking down at Regulus. “Are you sure you don’t need me to pay for my meal?”Regulus shakes his head. “No, no, I’ve- I can do it.”Remus smiles in internal belief. “Thanks again, and I’m sorry-““Don’t be. Its just a crush, I’ll get over it.”“Good man.” Remus says.Regulus sighs sadly and waves as Remus started walking away.“See you tomorrow.”“It is a Wednesday.” Remus grins before turning for the exit with guilt swimming in his stomach. —— “Sirius!”His brothers voice, plus an insistent shove on the shoulder, woke Sirius from his journey into sleep.“Someone better be fucking dead.” He grumbled.“Worse.” Regulus said sadly.Sirius sat up.“What happened?” He asked. “Oh wait, you had a date tonight! How’d it-“Regulus just shook his head. His shoulders started doing that rapid shaking motion they do when Regulus is about to burst into tears and as the less empathetic of the two, Sirius has taught himself not to laugh about it.“Oh mate, I’m sorry.”“He friend zoned me.” Regulus wailed.“Fuck.” Sirius cringed. That was not a good zone to be in if his brother was in love.“He never felt the same way and thought we went out to dinner as coworkers. How stupid am I to think that someone could ever like me?” cried Regulus, hiding his tears behind shaking fingers.“Any guy would be lucky to have you.” Sirius tried. “You just have to do the next best thing after being rejected.”“Which is?”“Moving on.” Sirius chuckled. “Duh, you gotta fuck this out with the most pompous prissy you can find. You’re a catch! I’m sure if you waltz into a gay bar someone would want your cock.”Regulus releases a breathe and shudders. “I just wish I didn’t have to go into work tomorrow and pretend like he didn’t rip my heart to shreds.”“Fuck, you’re dramatic.”“I know.” Regulus then collapsed in Sirius’s pillows and started to sob.“There, there.” Sirius patted his brothers head and looked at the embarrassing state wetting his pillows with tears.“I’ll show him.” Regulus said suddenly. “I’ll show Remus I’m the best damn assistant he’s ever had and then he’ll want more than a work relationship. At least I’m in the friend zone and not the coworker zone or something.”“Yeah, that’ll work.”“You think?”Sirius shrugged, feeling at a loss. “For sure. Get this Remus man so hard that he’ll ask his favourite assistant to blow it.”Regulus blushes. “I was thinking more of emotions.”“Oh baby boy, you haven’t experienced a good blowjob if you think there aren’t any emotions involved.” He grins.“Disgusting.” Regulus grins back.“At least I get blowjobs.” Sirius says jokingly.“At least I almost got action tonight instead of being in bed at nine.”“At least I’m not a poof.”“Hey!” Regulus retorts. “I thought you’d stop using the poof term.”“But it’s such a funny word.”Regulus rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”“At least it got those tears away.”“I guess.” mumbled Regulus.“Reg, please go and get shagged. Even a blowie, or a make out session would be better than this pent up, frustrated man sitting on my bed.” Sirius tried, pushing his brother off.“Okay, okay, I’ll try.”“Good man.” Sirius said. “Now get your manga porn box out of my room and get yourself off.”“Crude!”“Prude!” —— Regulus thought of himself as a calm man who could contain his emotions on both his face and inside his heart. But as he watched a young man from the photo copying department flirt with Remus, Regulus discovered what the desire to murder felt like.Anderson Clark was taller than Regulus, he wore woollen jumpers and corduroy pants, like Remus did. His stupid black hair had ugly yellow bleach highlights in it that just made him look twenty times better than Regulus and Regulus was turning into a horrid puddle of self-consciousness along with that sickening feeling of being replaceable and like he will never find love.It was a rollercoaster of emotions as Remus laughed at something stupid Ander-fucking-son was saying and Regulus had to force himself to turn away when Remus lightly touched Andersons hair and complimented the highlights.Don’t cry, don’t cry. He said to himself as he hid in the bathrooms and wrapped his arms around himself.Sirius could help.Sirius could…Could it work?Regulus chuckled to himself.No.He couldn’t.“He could.” He whispered.“Sorry, did someone say something?” A voice called from the urinals.“It was nothing, sorry.” Regulus called.It wasn’t nothing, it was the best thing Regulus had come up with all week and it was finally putting a smile on his face. —— Sirius flipped through the small pile of £20 notes a customer gave him after another successful deceit of the female gender.“Thanks again, man.” The guy said. “Emily’s finally found out that there are worse guys than me, thanks to you.”“And they say that chivalry is dead.” Sirius joked, hitting the guy lightly on the shoulder.“I don’t know how you come up with these dates. Taking her to a chocolate factory after she told you she was allergic to dairy? So brutal, man.”“It’s an art really.” Sirius shrugged, tucking the payment into his wallet.Looking down at his watch he curses at the time.“Hey, good luck with your sheila, yeah? I’ve gotta run.”It wasn’t rare that Sirius could catch up with his best mate from school but it was rare he’d actually show up on time.Zooming through traffic and definitely getting a speeding ticket, Sirius grinned at the expensive house that is home to the Potters.James Potter, the greatest man to ever walk the earth. A complete monogamous who kissed one girl in year four as a dare and then pined over her until year ten when she said yes to his begging of taking her on a date. They unsurprisingly got awarded cutest couple and got married in the summer right after graduation. Their baby came a later.Harry James Potter. The cutest, most adorable, most incredible little boy to ever grace Sirius’s life.When James and Lily asked Sirius to be his godson it was the first time he had ever broken into tears since primary school. For a guy who was initially scared of kids, Harry changed his mindset completely. He looked exactly like his father too, Harry had James’ dark skin and wild hair, as well as his inability to see without glasses. The one physical quality he got from Lily was their vivid green eyes that looked so cute behind the glasses strapped to his head.“Paddy!” The six year old boy screamed when Sirius let himself into the Potter home.“Prongslet!” He responded, picking up the boy as he ran into his legs and spinning him in the air.Harry screamed harder in delight and hugged Sirius as tightly as his little arms would let him when Sirius rested him on his hip.“Is that Uncle Paddy I hear?” Lily called from the kitchen.“It’s Uncle Paddy!” Harry screeched back, jumping happily in Sirius’s arms.“Lily,” Sirius smiled softly, kissing her cheek. “Beautiful as always.”“You charmer.” She grinned. “James is out the back, he thought you were going to be late.”Sirius waved a hand. “You know me, Mr On-Time.”Lily snorted. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”Sirius went to put Harry down but Harry just looked him in the eyes and shook his head, arms strongly around his neck.“Let’s go find daddy.” Sirius said, walking to the back."Daddy!” Harry shouted.“Oh, daddy!” Sirius called.James turned his head from where he was kneeling in his vegetable patch and a wide smile filled his face.“Daddy!” Harry screamed, wiggling to get out of Sirius’s arms so he could run to his dad. “Daddy, look who I found!”“Uncle Paddy!” James laughed, picking up his son.“He told mummy he was Mr On-Time.”“Did he now?” James raised an eyebrow.Sirius raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, so I was late once-““Eleven times, actually.”“Eleven times, thats nothing.”“One of them was your birthday party, Pads.” James deadpanned, walking inside.“Like you’ve never been late to your birthday party.” Sirius said lightly.“Not that I recalled, no.” James thought, tapping his temple.“Whatever, I’m here now so don’t scare me away.”Lily was putting plates of spaghetti bolognaise on the table in their designated spots.“You wouldn’t run away after I’ve spent hours slaving away in the kitchen, pregnant!” Lily gasped, clutching her big stomach.“Lily, darling, you could be about to give birth and still somehow find a way to hunt me down and have me shot.” Sirius joked. Lily laughed at that.“I could, couldn’t I?”“Absolutely, my sweet.” James said, leaning in to kiss his wife’s pregnant belly with the same lovesick look he wore in secondary school.“Gross!” Harry shouted.“Yeah, gross!” Sirius copied.“Okay, okay, let’s eat.” Lily fussed. “Sirius, you’re looking far too skinny.”Sirius frowned and looked down at himself. “I am?”“I knew you and Reg living together was a bad idea, neither of you know how to cook.” James stated, stabbing a meatball. “I mean, you grew up with a personal chef for gods sake.”Sirius glared. “We know how to cook just fine.”“What did you have for dinner last night, then?” James asked.“I went on a date and we got Mexican.” Sirius shot back, feeling proud.“Be honest, have you even used that kitchen?”“Yes!” Sirius said. “We usually have toast for brekkie.”“Toast? That’s all you can make?” Lily questioned.“It’s good toast.” Sirius grumbled.“And Reg, what does he make?” James tried.“Well, he’s okay with eggs.”“Fried or poached or scrambled?”“Yes.” Sirius answered.“Oh my god.” James groaned. “If mum was here she’d throw you both into her house and lock you in there so she can baby you.”“I wouldn’t mind Effie making me brekkie everyday.” winked Sirius.“Eat your meatballs or I’m gonna cook your eyeballs and force them down your throat.” Lily threatened, helping Harry spin his spaghetti with a fork.James leaned over to Sirius’ ear. “It’s still incredibly attractive when she threatens me while doing mum stuff. So bloody hot.”Sirius groaned and shoved James away. “Some things never change.”“Maybe our love will turn you towards the light that is marriage and, gasp, monogamy.”“Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Sirius rolled his eyes.“There’s a woman out there that will make a man out of you, Padfoot, I can feel it in my nugget.”“Stop saying nugget.” Lily objected.“Whatever, I can feel it in my soul.” James poked his tongue out. “Nugget sounds better.”Sirius laughed as Lily urged Harry to throw a meatball at his daddy, feeling no need to have this sort of family dynamic for himself.At all.Ever.Because Sirius becoming a father is the last thing this world needs. —— Coming into the apartment to find Regulus standing in the centre of the living room with the biggest smiling and both hands clasped under his chin was the last thing Sirius thought he’d see.“You good, mate?” He asked, setting his keys on the table.“I need you to do something for me.”“Which is…?”Regulus takes a breathe. “I need you to take Remus on the most arseholey date in the history of arseholey dates. Please.”Sirius shook his head. “I don’t fuck with family shit.”“Please, for me?” Regulus begged. “I love him, Sirius, and he doesn’t know it yet but he loves me too. I’m everything he needs but instead of being with me he’s over there flirting with that moronic Anderson Clark-““Okay I’ll do it.” Sirius says suddenly. “But be warned, I will take him on the worst date I’ve ever taken anyone on. I will become the biggest arsehole to ever exist. He will be so disgusted with me, so appalled that someone like me could even exist that he’ll be practically forced to run into your arms. I need you to be prepared to deal with a man so traumatised by my arseholery that you might have to put him into therapy.”“I’m so in.” Regulus grinned. “Thank you so much, man, I don’t know if I could ever repay you.”“Learn how to cook eggs.” Sirius smirked. “If I’ve mastered the art that is cooking toast, you need to work on your egg game.”“Deal.” —— “So tell me everything about this Remus guy.” Sirius ordered as he and Regulus walked down Main Street.“Well, his full name is Remus John Lupin, twenty-five year old, 6’2 tall, has a three year old son named Teddy whom I’ve never met but-““Teddy.” Sirius interrupted. “Does he go to kindergarten?”“Yes, during the weekdays.”“So on weekends Remus hangs out with him. Do they go on outings?”Regulus frowned. “Yeah, I think on his schedule I saw a children reading group at the library for this Sunday.”“Time?”“Late morning, ten to twelve”Sirius smirked. “Good, I know exactly what to do.”“And what is that, exactly?” Regulus asked. “You’re not gonna hurt Teddy or anything?”“No! I’m an arsehole, not a monster.” Sirius snapped. “I need to devise a meet cute, I do this with all my clients. I bet it’s the same with men, but women love meet cutes. Unexpected moments where two people form a connection over something mundane, very cute and very effective. They do it in all the movies.”“Okay…” Regulus mutters.“So I’m going to show up to this kiddy story time at the library with my lovely godson, baby Potter-““How do you know James and Lily will let you borrow their son?” Regulus interrupted.“Because which young couple wouldn’t give their right arm for a day without their kid?”“Okay, true.”Sirius raised a hand. “You’ve got to relax and believe that I know what I’m doing. I’ve got to form a connection first, hence the meet cute to make Remus think I’m the best thing to come into his life since sliced bread, then I take him on a date. He’s all excited for the date since I’ve built this picture in his head that I’m a kid loving, down to earth bloke who just so happens to also be gorgeous, then he goes out with me and I’m his worse nightmare! Too easy, am I right?”“Let’s just hope it works.”“It’ll work, alright.” Sirius smirked. “No one breaks my little brothers heart and gets away with it.” ——As expected, at exactly ten in the morning on Sunday, Sirius saw a man of the exact description his brother gave him. Light brown curls, a long torso and longer legs with a little boy of around three years old on his lap with little streaks of blue in his hair.
Lights, camera, action.
Harry was holding his hand and was looking around the library with curiosity and slight hesitation. Sirius only felt a little bad for using his godson time to plot revenge against his brothers heartbreaker but what Harry didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.“You excited, Prongslet?”“We have books at home.” He grumbled, looking at the books with distaste.“Bet you don’t have,” Sirius squinted his eyes at the book title the librarian was going to be reading the group today. “Paddington at the Palace.”Harry perked up. “No, I don’t have that one. Do you think mummy will like it?”“You know, if you end up liking it, I can buy it for you to surprise mummy with. She loves new books as much as you do!”“And the new baby.” Harry added. “It will like it too.”Sirius smiled fondly. “Definitely, you’ll show the new baby all your favourite books and they’ll love them too.”Harry grinned at that and started bouncing towards the reading circle that was forming.“Come on, Paddy, we’re going to get kicked out of the circle!”“Coming, coming.” He muttered.Like he had manifested in his head, there was enough room for Sirius and Harry to slip in next to Remus and Teddy.“Want to sit next to that man with the blue haired kid, Prongslet?” Sirius urged.“Sure!”Remus looked up as Sirius crossed his legs next to him and nudged Harry to sit next to him. Harry looked around the circle with big eyes and saw that all the kids were sitting on their parents’s lap.“I’m going to sit on your lap, Paddy.” Harry told him as he got comfortable against his chest.Sirius heard Remus chuckle next to him and decide this was the perfect time to go in for conversation.“Nice blue hair, little man.” Sirius told Teddy.Teddy looked up from the book on his lap and a front toothless grin took over his little face. He looked exactly like Remus, same coloured hair, minus the blue, the same freckles but where Remus had warm amber eyes, Teddy had big blue ones.“Thanks! The girls at kinder did it.” Teddy giggled. “Ms Norris yelled so hard at them that- that Sandra started crying.”“Rebels get people in trouble, I would know.” Sirius whispered like it was a secret.“Webel?” Teddy tried to say.“It means someone who goes against the rules. Like when daddy tells you to go to bed and you say no and watch movies instead.”Teddy’s eyes lit with inspiration. “I want to be a webel.”Remus laughed and pulled on Teddy’s hair gently. “No, you do not.”He looked Sirius in the eye with a glare that didn’t have any heat. “Do you come to reading time to turn kids against their parents?”Sirius laughed. “Yeah, I’ve done so much corrupting at our last library that they kicked me out.”“Well, my son is a troublemaker on his own without your corruption.”“Is he now?” Sirius smiled widely. “I would never have guessed.”Harry turned around and shushed him. “Paddy, the lady’s starting.”Sirius did a lip zipping motion over his mouth.The lady started the book with a voice that had even the parents enraptured, but Sirius had a goal and he wasn’t stopping till he scored.“What’s your name?” Sirius whispered.Remus turned to him and quirked an eyebrow. “Why? Want to corrupt me too?”Sirius raked his eyes over the man. This wasn’t going to be a challenge, if Regulus was going to fall in love with his boss, he did a good job in choosing a stunning one.“Something like that.”Remus flushed under his eyes and cleared his throat to focus on the librarian.“I’m Remus, and you are?”Sirius forgot to ask Regulus if he had mentioned him, since not many people in London could possibly be called Sirius fucking Black but he crossed his fingers.“I’m Sirius.” Safer to keep the surname out of it.“Sirius.” Remus frowned. “Like the dog constellation?”Sirius grinned at that, not many people knew that that was what he was named after.“Sure is, and Remus? Like that wolf sucker?”Remus covered his laugh with the back of his hand so he didn’t interrupt the librarian.“Yeah, after that wolf sucker.” Remus chuckled.“Does your son have a name? Rome?” Sirius joked.Remus grinned in amusement. “No, where my parents loved Roman history, I chose a more modern name. His name is Edward but everyone calls him Teddy, after his mothers grandad.”Sirius pretended to be taken aback. “Oh. So you’re married?”“Nope, the creation of Teddy was the first and last time between his mother and I. It indicated that the both of us were extremely queer.”Sirius shouted a laugh and had to apologise to the class before they looked back to the teacher.“Lucky me then.”Remus looked at Harry then at Sirius.“What? No wife in your life?”“No, definitely not. This is my godson, Harry, I take him out every Sunday so his parents get some… time to themselves.”Remus chuckled deeply, a sound that thundered through Sirius. “That’s very courageous of you.”“Thank you, I like to think I’m doing Gods work.”Remus grinned. “Harry is very adorable so I bet it isn’t too much work.”Sirius looked down at his godson fondly. “No, it isn’t. It still shocks me that Harry loves me enough to think of me as a father figure, you know? I’m just his dads best mate from school and somehow I became this little boys… I didn’t know I could love a child, I never thought I could be a father but Harry just… I don’t know.”Sirius did this in every meet cute, “accidentally” opened up about his personal life.“I understand.” Remus whispered. Sirius looked back to see Remus looking at him with an understanding only a father could have. “His mum and I were so young when we had him. Just out of uni, and we were so scared that we even thought of aborting him but luckily our parents said they’d support us no matter what so that took a weight off our shoulders.”Remus shook his head. “Tonks was so scared of giving birth and I loved her so much I wanted to take all the pain from her. It was like a sibling love, you know? He’s surrounded by much love. We’re trying to make his childhood so perfect even though his mums live in France and his school and friends are all here.” Remus scoffed and shook his head again. “I apologise.”“No, I started it, really.” Sirius smiled. “Look at us getting personal before I’ve even asked you on a date. Guess we should go out tonight before I tell you I have double jointed thumbs and did ballet growing up.”Remus giggled and bit his lip so endearingly that Sirius almost forgot he was surrounded by children.“Is that a yes?” Sirius asked.Remus just nodded and mouthed talk after.Sirius grinned widely and brought his attention back to the librarian telling a story about Paddington at Buckingham Palace. After four more stories, the library brought out little snacks for the kids and simple finger foods for the parents.“I should go to the library more often.” Sirius moaned as he bit into his little sandwich triangle.“I think Harry agrees.” Remus smirked, pointing towards Harry chasing Teddy around.“Aww look at them becoming friends.” Sirius cooed.Remus looked down at Sirius and opened his mouth before closing it quickly.“What?” Sirius laughed.“Can I- can I have your number?”Sirius smirked and did an internal victory dance. “Thought you’d never ask.”“So when you said ask me on a date, were you joking or-““Oh I was being deadly serious.” smiled Sirius. “I don’t joke about going on dates with hot single dads with a kid who gets along with my godson.”“I wonder who that could be?” Remus played along, a cute flush over his cheeks.“Hmmm I wonder, I wonder.”“Paddy!” Harry shouted as he tumbled over, flinging his arms around Sirius’s legs. “Can me and Teddy-““Teddy and I.” Sirius interrupted, knowing Lily would scold him if he didn’t.“Sorry. Can Teddy and I please have a playdate?” Harry begged, green eyes growing bigger. “Please? Or can we ask mummy and daddy and have them ask Teddy’s daddy?”“Yeah, we can do that, buddy. Right, Remus?”Remus looked at his own son who had his hands clenched under his chin with big blue eyes begging silently.“Well I can’t say no to that.”“Yay!” The boys screamed in unison before going back to running around the book cases.“How old is, Harry? He looks old enough to be in primary school.”“He’s six. Just started year two.”“Okay. Teddy is three, so they have decent age gap.”“Three years.” Sirius chuckled. “Do you think Teddy will be able to keep up with all of Harry’s big kid energy?"Remus waved a hand. “He’s stronger than he looks. Perhaps Harry will be a good influence for him when he starts primary school.”“Harry has a little sibling coming along, he’ll be feeling proper brotherly when Teddy starts school.”“Good.”They exchange a grin and Sirius starts to worry that taking this man on the most arsehole date that shows off how much of an arsehole he is would be impossible if all he wants to do with Remus is talk and talk and talk.Perhaps in another life they could’ve been friends. —— “Did you get it?” Regulus asks as soon as Sirius walked through the door.“Get what?”“The phone number? Are you locked in?”Sirius puts his bag down and pulled out his phone with Remus’ contact information still open when he unlocked it.“Voila.”Regulus looks at it in shock. “You’re really doing this.”“Yep, prepare for a bed full of Lupin before the end of the week.”Sirius just had to keep Harry out of it. As long as Harry was getting along with the Lupins, Sirius couldn’t be an arsehole. It was literally impossible for Sirius to be an arsehole with Harry involved so this date he had planned had to be the least childish place in the world. The date was two days after their meet cute and Sirius told Remus he’d pick him up in his Volkswagen.Instead of walking up to the door like a gentleman, Sirius opted for his usual which was bang on the car honk until his date came out. Remus came over quickly with a big smile and he entered the car.“You look nice.” Remus complimented him.Sirius had put on a black button down and dark brown khaki’s with doc Martin boots. His hair however, was done so it had some volume, he looked like he’d had hands running through it. This outfit usually made the women sneer as it wasn’t much effort whereas they usually put hours into their appearance.Remus wasn’t a woman though. He’d also gone with a button up and nice jeans that kinda made his arse look good.Sounding like a poofter. Sirius snapped at himself.“You look nice too.” He smiled. “Just letting you know, my radio is fucked so I apologise in advance.”“That’s fine.” Remus smiled.Sirius started the car and the usual sound of Bounce flooded through the car at full volume.“Sorry, it’s really loud!” Sirius shouted over the noise.“I love this song!” Remus shouted back.“-Ooh! There she go, just what the doc’s been looking for. She just what I need, black and Chinese-“ Remus sang the lyrics in perfect beat to the song which never happened because normally the women get offended that he’s playing such a sexist song but it’s fast and Remus wasn’t missing a beat.“-Sorry I’m so demanding, but save the dancin’ for back at the mansion-“ Sirius joined in and for the first time since he started this ‘broken’ radio scam he sang the song with someone on full volume.But this was an arsehole date. This man broke his baby brothers heart and made him think that no one could ever love him, and that just wouldn’t stand.Sirius pulled up to the establishment he chose. As usual, picking this place out took some thinking and going over all the facts he knew about his ‘date’ to make sure their date was in the worse most horrible place they could imagine.“A strip club?” Remus frowned as the bouncer asked for ID.“Yeah, you ever been?” Sirius grinned, sauntering inside.“I can’t say I have a need to see naked girls dance on poles.”Sirius sits them on a table right in front of a girl who dances like the pole is made for her.“Doesn’t she move her body so incredibly?” Sirius starts, keeping his attention on the stripper. “Look, look, look how she slides down upside down without using any hands. How does she do it?” Sirius asks, taking a shot of tequila out of the twenty he ordered.“Right, very cool.” Remus muttered, looking at Sirius with an unreadable expression that Sirius is to much of an arsehole to figure out.“Take that bra off, baby doll!” Sirius shouts, throwing money onto the stage.The stripper grins at him and makes a show of moving in slow circles as she teases the strap of her bra.“Take it off for me, baby.” Sirius urges, throwing another check onto the stage.The stripper smiles as she unhooks the bra and slides off her arms, revealing her breasts.“Fuck, I’m glad I’m straight at times like this." Sirius shouts at Remus as the stripper walks down the stairs towards their table.Sirius gulps down three shots before the stripper straddles his lap and moves her body like a wave, shoving her tits in his face like a forbidden fruit he cannot touch because this strip club has a strict no touching rule and Sirius was not in the mood to get kicked out. The way they jiggled whenever her torso did that moving thing though, Sirius just wanted to shove his face in the middle of them.He looked back at Remus to see the man glaring into the distance, at least a dozen empty tequila glasses in front of him.“Remus, would you like me to buy you one?” He shouted, shoving another note in the front of her knickers.Remus just glared at him and stood to get up.“I’m getting an Uber, goodnight Sirius.”Sirius manoeuvred the stripper off his lap and ran after Remus who had stormed out of the club and was now on the curb shoving his hands into the armpits of his shirt.“I’ll drive you home.” Sirius said.“I’m not getting in the car with you.” Remus growled.“Okay, so I took you to a strip club-““You’re straight, Sirius.” Remus snapped, looking hurt. “This was cruel of you and- and I should’ve known a man like you would end up being an arsehole.”There’s that word. Sirius’s work here was done.“Well your loss. Instead of getting hyperthermia, you could be snuggled in my car which has a heater, last I checked.”Remus looked at Sirius distrustfully.“I saw how much tequila you drank tonight.”“Which was half as much as you drank if the ten empty glasses in front of you was any indication.”Remus chuckled mournfully but then got into the passenger seat of Sirius’s car.He sniffed when Sirius started the car and didn’t look at him until Sirius parked the car in front of Remus’ apartment.“I had a good time tonight.” Sirius said, his usual ending line to a horrible evening.Remus scoffed. “I didn’t, goodnight Sirius.”As Remus left the car, Sirius followed him.“Don’t people usually get a kiss after going on a date?” Sirius smiled, pulling lightly on Remus’s shirt.Remus spun around. “Is this some kind of experiment, huh? Is that was this is? Because I recall you saying tonight, and I quote ‘I’m glad I’m straight’.”“No! I’m not experimenting-““Really? Because you asked me on a date and then played a song about a straight man fucking a girl on the way to a strip club where you then practically forced me to watch you get a lap dance from a stripper!” Remus sighed angrily. “I got a sitter for this! And I was actually excited to be dating again after finally getting settled into work and finally stopped worrying about Tonks and Fleur moving off the France and leaving Teddy with me permanently. Then this handsome guy with the cutest godson hit on me at the library of all places and I find out on our date that he’s a straight man who’s an arsehole!”Sirius took a step forward. “So… I can’t get a kiss goodnight?”Remus just scoffed. “What you can get is fucked. Leave me alone, Sirius.”“Hmmm, I love it when you say my name.” Then Sirius steps forwards and brings Remus’s slightly taller head down to meet his lips for a kiss.Remus must’ve been frustrated with him emotionally and sexually because he tore Sirius away then stared at him for a moment whilst breathing very heavily before deciding to bring him back to his lips and pressed Sirius against the wall outside his building.Sirius was used to dominating his kisses. He’d pin the girls against a wall, put one hand in their hair and the other on their hip then he’d start off by kissing them slow before they showed impatience then he’d shove his tongue inside their mouth. Easy. Straightforward.However, this wasn’t straightforward. It definitely wasn’t straight and it also wasn’t forward. Sirius was kissing a guy who had him up against the wall and was shoving his tongue into Sirius’s mouth and had his hand in Sirius’s hair with the other on his hip and Sirius was starting to realise that he now knew why the women he did this with usually ended up in his bed.It was a knicker dropper.“Fuck, you’re so hot.” Sirius muttered as Remus moved from his lips to the curve of his jaw down to his neck where Remus took a large amount of skin and bit it.Instead of flinching or running away, Sirius moaned. In a high pitch, loud kind of way that then turned into a low moan because apparently that line between pleasure and pain was non existent when it came to snogging men.“Do that again, please.” Sirius panted as Remus kissed his way to the other side of his neck.“That depends,” Remus groaned as he shoved a leg between both of Sirius’s so it rubbed against his cock just right. Sirius’s hands went right to Remus’s biceps which flexed happily. “Will you get your head out of your arse and take me on a real date?”“I will take you to bloody Peru if you keep doing what you’re doing.” Sirius moaned, moving his hands from Remus’s biceps to his hair which really was fluffy and soft under his fingertips.“Fuck, women are okay, they get the job done. But you? You do something else entirely.” Sirius said as he dry humped Remus’s thigh.Remus had moved his lips to Sirius’s ear which had never been sensitive before being gay was an option. So when Remus bit down on the pierced earlobe Sirius couldn’t control the shout coming from his mouth.“Come inside?” Remus asked.“Yes, yes, yes.” Sirius babbled, feeling so high on Remus that he couldn’t even see.Before he could blink, Remus had lunged him to his apartment which was neat minus the random stuffed toys on the floor.“Teddy isn’t here, is he?” Sirius whispered, his cock softening at the thought.“As I said, I got a sitter.” Remus whispered back. “I live in hope.”Why was that hot?Sirius didn’t question it as he took Remus’s head between his hands and snogged the daylights out of him. Remus ran his veiny hands over Sirius’s stomach and his clever fingers, which Sirius was starting to understand Regulus’s appreciation for, undid his buttons and let the shirt fall down his arms.“Who’d have thought you’d be tatted underneath all that?” Remus admired. Running his fingers over the intricate designs Sirius had gotten over the years on his arms and torso. Sirius let his eyes close and his lips find Remus’s collarbone.His fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they quickly undid the buttons on Remus’s shirt. As the shirt fell onto the floor, Sirius also decided to get rid of the jeans that moulded onto Remus’s arse like a glove. As he pushed the trousers and boxers down, Sirius grabbed an arse cheek and moaned into his mouth, massaging it while the other one went to his curly hair.Remus all but sighed and pushed Sirius towards his bedroom since sex in the middle of the house was never ideal.The bedroom was cozy, with a small bookcase next to it. Sirius was about to call him a nerd when Remus threw Sirius onto the bed, making him bounce, then took off his shoes, khakis and boxers.Remus kissed along his cock before moving up to his stomach and tongued Sirius’s belly button, making the man laugh. Remus then kissed up his naval before stopping at a nipple and biting onto it, his tongue must have felt the piercing because he looked at Sirius in confusion.“Why on earth would you get your nipple pierced? That would hurt like a bitch.”Sirius shrugged. “It’s great sex appeal.”“Damn fucking right.” Before getting back into it. Sirius was a wiggling whining mess as Remus tortured him with his hands and tongue.While his mouth formed hickey’s on Sirius’s neck, his hand was making work on Sirius’s cock. Slowly. Too slowly.“I’m not going to last long.” Sirius gasped as Remus rubbed his thumb over the head.“Don’t. Come.” Remus ordered, making the entire of Sirius’s body shudder. “You’re not coming until I’m inside you, understood?”“Why do you get to top?” Sirius suddenly said, sitting upright.Remus raised an eyebrow. “I don’t bottom.”“Well I never have and never will have something up my arse. I’m not a priss.”“What? Is getting naked with a man not gay until we get to your arse?” Remus snapped.Sirius clenched his jaw. “I’m not a faggot, Remus.”Remus stood suddenly and picked his trousers off the floor.“What the bloody fuck are you doing?”“Getting dressed.” said Remus. “And kicking you out.”“If you just let me top we wouldn’t have to go through all this-“ started Sirius.“No.” Remus shouted. “If you hadn’t pretended to- to like me or something then we never would’ve done this! Why did you even ask me out if you aren’t a faggot as you so politely put it, huh? Is this your validation that anyone of any gender would gladly shag you? Did you want to see if I was pathetic enough to go into bed with you after that horrible date?”When Sirius didn’t say anything Remus shook his head in disbelief.“You are the biggest arsehole I have ever met.” He spat. “Get the fuck out of my house and if you want Teddy and Harry to meet again you can give me his parents numbers because I don’t want my son around someone like you.”Sirius got out of bed, still naked, and fell to his knees. He placed his hands under his chin and started to wax poetry. After all, he was here for a reason.“I’m sorry, Remus. I am an arsehole and I don’t deserve to spend this night with you.”“You’re right, you don’t.”“And I’m terribly sorry I called you a faggot.”Remus snorted. “That was disdainful of you.”“If I let you top me, this once, will you forgive me for my sins?”Remus stared at him for a while, probably going through the pros and cons, but Sirius knew he had him when Remus rolled his eyes in a fond manner and took his trousers off again. His puppy dog eyes worked again.“Fuck it, I need a good shag.”Sirius chuckled. “Let me know if my reputation precedes me.”“Shut up and get on the bed.”“Yes, sir.” said Sirius, suddenly feeling flushed at being bossed.Remus must have noticed because he chuckled darkly as one finger went near Sirius’s mouth.“Open wide for me, handsome, or is that too prissy for you?”Without answering, Sirius opened his mouth and let in the intrusive finger which he sucked like it was his life’s mission. Remus looked at him in awe and his tongue swirled around the digit.“You’re gonna make me cum if you keep doing that.” Remus said seriously.Sirius could only grin around the long finger. Remus made a growling noise and shoved two more in there.When they were nice and wet, Remus pulled them out and replaced them with his lips. He positioned one of Sirius’s legs so it wrapped around his waist and the moist fingers went between his cheeks.Sirius flinched when they made contact with his crease, breaking the kiss.“You ever been rimmed before?” Remus asked, kissing down his exposed neck.“Once.” Sirius gasped out.“Did you like it?”Sirius was breathing hard and fast. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”Remus just chuckled and went back to work slowly opening Sirius’s hole, working one finger in before getting another one.Sirius was a shaking mess as the third finger pressed against his prostate, which made his body jerk and shudder all over again.“Ready.” Sirius begged. “Please, Remus.”Remus pulled his fingers out, making Sirius whine at the loss and then flipped him methodically onto his hands and knees. Remus pressed one hand down between Sirius’s shoulder blades, making his arse stick up more and Sirius whined louder at the deep rumbling sound Remus made behind him as his front pressed against his back.“Never had a girl put you in this position before?” Remus asked. He softly moved Sirius’s hair to one shoulder and nipped intimately at the exposed neck and ear.“Oh God.” gasped Sirius.“No God, just me.”“You think you’re smart with that line.” Sirius said breathlessly.Remus didn’t respond as he stretched over Sirius to open his bedside table drawer and take out a tube of lube and a condom. Sirius shifted uncomfortably as Remus put the condom on and flipped open the lid, pouring the cold cream directly onto Sirius’s crease.The strong lean body covered his back once again and with a single kiss to the back of the head, Remus bottomed out.Sirius wasn’t prepared for the shot of pain and moved one hand to hold onto the headboard. His breathes were coming out hard and fast and his arse was not taking its time getting used to the intrusion.“Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move.” Sirius blabbed as he shifted around the cock.“Take your time.” Remus said with a strained voice, holding tight onto Sirius’s hips.After a moment, Sirius shifted around some more and felt a jolt of pleasure.“I’m ready now.”He heard Remus mutter “Fucking yes” and then he started to move. Quickly. Consistently. And on that angle that made Sirius shout whenever he thrusted in.Remus was pounding him. He was thrusting so hard that Sirius had to move both hands to the headboard so his head didn’t hit it. His hips seemed to have a mind of their own and it was like they’d been shagging for years. Sirius’s body started to shake as Remus changed the angle and railed into his prostate, turning Sirius’s arms and legs to jelly and his hips into a wild animal.“Will you come untouched?” Remus asked into his ear, lips biting the lobe again.Sirius didn’t answer, only turning his head to capture Remus’s lips into a swearing kiss.Remus was getting closer too and he stood upright on his knees, took Sirius’s hips firmly in his hands and went harder if that was even possible. Sirius moved one hand to his cock to find a release but the hard slap on his arse made him move it back to the headboard.“You’re coming untouched or you’re not coming at all.” Remus ordered hotly.Sirius yelled in frustration as Remus kept hitting his prostate over and over, his back was running with sweat and his arms couldn’t keep him up on the headboard for much longer.A hand left his hip and wrapped around his hair, pulling Sirius up so his flush was against Remus’s front and both men were on their knees.This.This was what Sirius needed to get to the edge.Remus had one hand wrapped in Sirius’s hair and the other went to his front to his nipples and his cheeky fingers pulled on the piercing, turning the nipple tender and sensitive.“Don’t stop.” Sirius shouted. He moved both hands to Remus’s arse and he pulled him against his flush, moving his own hips faster and faster.Before Sirius could cry out a warning, his orgasm hit like a bullet train making his cock dirty Remus’s bedding and his own stomach. Remus didn’t stop thrusting, making sure to keep going so Sirius was milked dry.He followed quickly behind, grunting in Sirius’s ear one last time before filling the condom.The pair fell forward in a dirty mess of sweat and come, the room smelling so strongly of sex that Sirius wasn’t sure if one shower will take it all off. Not that that would be a problem.Remus made a low groan as he started to move off of Sirius’s back, hissing as he took his cock out.“Fuck, I left a hand print on your arse.” He sighed, pressing a chaste kiss to the handprint.Sirius turned his head around and smirked at the sight. “Leave another one so they’re matching.” Then he wiggled his butt.Remus rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Don’t tempt me.”“If tempting you will end up with me being thrown around then I’m not stopping.” Sirius grinned, rolling unattractively onto his back. “See, my head thinks this is a good idea.”Remus eyed him distrustfully. “Ahh, so you liked bottoming?”“It was alright.” He shrugged. “Different to a girl. Now I know what they feel when I shag them dog style.”“It was alright?” Remus frowned. “I put my best work into that and all I got was alright? The way you were begging says otherwise.”“I don’t beg.” Sirius grinned. “I politely ask for more. I am a gentleman after all.”“You sound like you went to Eton or something.”When Sirius didn’t respond Remus looked at his from his elbow in shock.“You went to fucking Eton?” He gasped. “And didn’t shag a dude the five years you were there?”Sirius burst into laughter. “There were enough rumours going around, especially when I grew my hair out.”“This was where our schools are different. I was friends with lads who said, in the utmost seriousness, that the most masculine thing a man could do was shag another man.”This made Sirius laugh again. “That’s alright, that is. I definitely feel masculine right now.”Remus cooed sarcastically. “I didn’t emasculate you, oh great Sirius?”“On the contrary, I have never felt better. Who’d have thought I had a prostate back there.”Remus rolled off the bed. “Us faggots are truly ahead of our time.”After Remus put the dirty condom in the bin he fell into the spot next to Sirius with a groan and pressed light kisses over his shoulder.“What does this tattoo mean?” He asked, nuzzling his nose into black and green inked drawing of a pair of eyes.“They’re Harry’s eyes.”Remus looked up with a soft look. “They even got the shade of green right.”Sirius hummed and pointed to a tattoo of a pair of stag antlers.“This one is for his dad, my best mate, James.”“I’m guessing James isn’t a stag.” Remus joked as he kissed the antlers,“It’s for his nickname from school.” Sirius started. “We call him Prongs because his hair was so messy some days it looked like a pair of antlers.”“Do you have a nickname?”Sirius turned to Remus and pulled lightly on his curls. “Yeah, my nickname is Padfoot. Like the black dog.”“What? Because it pads carefully through life?” asked Remus.“Something like that.” Sirius sighed.Soft fingertips traced over the constellation under his left pec.“The Leo constellation?” Remus questioned.“For my brother.” He decided on. Hopefully Remus wasn’t so smart to figure out that Regulus was in the Leo constellation.He looked up suddenly. “He’s not dead is he?”Sirius burst out laughing. “No, no. Very alive. We share an apartment actually.”Remus sighed in relief and laid back down. “Good. I was worried I opened up old wounds.”“If he was dead it’d probably be stupid of me to get a tattoo for him if I was too pussy to talk about it.”Remus hummed in agreement.“How ‘bout you, any tattoos?”The man gestured to the inside of his right wrist which had a stick and poke crescent moon.“Why a moon?” Sirius asked.“The moon is the most beautiful thing in the world.” He started. “If you look at every painting or photograph of the moon it always looks immaculate. In every one of its forms, from crescent to full to gibbous, it’s the same moon that humans and animals have been looking at since time began and I think that that’s so special.”“Calm down, Emily Dickens.” Sirius whispered. “That’s actually poetic.”“You sound surprised.” Remus chuckled. “And you shouldn’t talk, you’ve got tattoos to represent the most important people in your life. That’s poetic too.”Sirius waved a hand nonchalantly. “James called me a certified prick for getting the antlers.”“It’s the thought that counts.” Remus replied.And for the first time since he was in secondary, Sirius almost broke his no sleep-over rule, but he wasn’t that stupid.What he shared with Remus was sex out of anger. The man said it himself: Sirius was an arsehole who took Remus on the most insensitive date a gay man could go on. The only reason Remus even thought about shagging him was because Sirius was a gorgeous specimen of manhood, if he said so himself. Plus, the line between anger and lust was very thin.So that was why Sirius quietly tiptoed out of bed where Remus’s naked body lay. Why he put his clothes on without making a peep and why he had to go out and shag a woman so he could remember why he was dealing with Remus in the first place.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Sirius came home from work three days after his night with Remus to find Regulus running to him with a happy jump.He raised an eyebrow. “You good, mate?”“It worked! Remus asked me today if I wanted to have lunch with him tomorrow.”Sirius’s smile dropped.Guess the date worked but the night after didn’t.“That’s great, happy for you, mate.”Regulus smiled again. “You must’ve been a real arsehole for this to work because I wasn’t confident at all.”“You know me.” Sirius said trying to look proud. “I can make any man look good.”“And the world thanks you for it.”Sirius just smiled tightly and went to his room. Fuck. It kinda hurt that Remus still thought he was a dickhead after the life changing night. Sirius could still feel the effects on his arse whenever he clenched his backside. Though Remus didn’t know that.Sirius had been wanking off from the memories every night since it happened and it made his body shudder in revulsion and jealousy that his baby brother might be getting the same treatment.He shook his head away from the thought. Regulus was just going to have lunch with him, maybe it’s another friendly lunch, or maybe it’ll be with all their coworkers and Regulus is pretending it’s a date to make himself feel better.Or maybe Remus really was so disgusted by Sirius that he’s finding comfort in Regulus. This may have been Sirius’s intention but the outcome was definitely not what he wanted to feel.You need to get shagged. Sirius told himself. Preferably by a woman so he can trick himself into thinking it was the tequila that turned Remus into a sex God.Getting out his phone, Sirius called the one friend who was always down to go girl hunting.“Hey Edmund, this is Sirius-“ Later that night Sirius tipped the last of his margarita down his throat as bodies on all sides rubbed against his. A woman he didn’t remember the name of was running her hands up and down his chest while her friend was playing with his hair and sucking on his neck like a vampire.Sirius just closed his eyes and let the music, alcohol, and women thrum through him whilst his brain involuntarily conjured up images of Remus pounding his arse.Good thing was that he could play his erection forming on the two stunning women wrapped around him. As he stared at their tits, all he could think of was Remus’s solid chest, and as he stared at their long straight hair, all he could think of was Remus’s: short and curly.“Fuck.” He groaned, grabbing one of the girls by her neck. “Come here, babydoll.”Her kisses felt wrong but Sirius was very sexually frustrated so this was gonna have to do. She was running her hands over his hips as her own pelvis thrusted against his own, like she was fucking him from behind.Yes, Sirius thought as his hips moved to meet the needs of the girl snogging him and the girl behind him. This is what I need.The song changed and Sirius took both women by the hands and dragged them to the unisex toilet.He turned to the girl who was thrusting his hips from behind and asked her: “Have you ever fingered a guy before?”She nodded with a sexy smirk.“Good.” Then he turned to the one he was snogging. “I’ll fuck you while your friend rims me then you two can switch.”The friends only laughed and Sirius closed his eyes in ecstasy as he pictured the same man he told himself to forget. —— Remus felt himself getting deja vu.Regulus sat in front of him with the same shy smile, at the same restaurant, but Remus had to say what he needed to say.Regulus deserved it after Remus unintentionally broke his heart.“Anything interesting happening outside of work?” Remus asked.He shook his head. “Nothing worth mentioning, you?”“Yes, something I wanted to tell you about.” Remus started.“Yes?” Regulus said hopefully.“I’ve, er, decided to start dating. I’m comfortable with my position in the company and Teddy likes his friends-““Are you asking me out, Remus?” Regulus blurted.Fuck. “I’m saying the opposite, actually. I think it would be good for us to explore ourselves and then maybe, if you’re still experiencing feelings, we could date.” That did not come out right.“So you asked me out to tell me you want to date other people?” says Regulus slowly.“Not entirely,” Remus winced, trying to spare the mans feelings. “Finding good guys like you… it’s rare!”Regulus nodded happily.“And- and you telling me you’re in love with me and want to date me made me realise how many bad relationships I’ve been in.” Remus added. “It also made me realise how little I’ve dated so I think we both need to go out and really explore all the options before we start dating each other.”“So you don’t want to date me?”Remus shook his head. “Not right now.”Regulus scoffs. “Right, okay.”“I just- I went on a date recently that was really shit and it made me realise that I need to get out more.” Remus explained. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a terrible date but this one was so bad it put things in perspective, you know?”“A bad date, huh.” Regulus laughs tensely. “Bet that guy was an arsehole.”“Oh he was an arsehole, alright.” Remus answers, not thinking it was fair for Regulus to know the sex after was the best he’d ever had.“Well, I’ll be waiting for you.” Regulus said. “When you’ve finished dating around just know I’m a phone call away.”“Okay, Regulus.” Remus says softly, feeling horrible that he probably will never take the man up on that offer. “But please promise me you’ll date in the meantime? I think it would be good for you.”“Deal.” Regulus nods, then the pair go back to their lunch. “He asked me to lunch to tell me he wants us to date around first!” Regulus yelled as he stormed into their apartment.“Fuck, that’s rough.” Sirius responds, coming out of his room.“Why doesn’t he want me?” Regulus whined, falling face first onto the couch. “You’ve met him, what am I doing wrong?”Sirius sat down and lightly petted his brothers head. “I don’t know, mate, you’re both nerds from what I got. You wear knitted jumpers, he wears knitted jumpers, you’re perfect for each other.”“Well obviously he doesn’t think so.”“Maybe you’re too similar. Maybe he’s into that opposites attract kind of relationship.”Regulus’ face squishes on the pillow as he turns his head to meet Sirius’s eye.“I can’t change myself, Sirius.”“Of course, you can!”Sirius’s mind went to the talk he had with one of Edmunds mates who needed help getting his ex girlfriend back. His ex, Christina, was a receptionist at the Church of England which Sirius didn’t even know needed a receptionist but the world had been pulling on his tail a lot lately.The guy said Christina had a hair appointment booked this afternoon so Sirius decided to hit two birds with one stone.“You need a haircut, mate!”Regulus raised an eyebrow. “A haircut?”“New hair, new lad, or something like that.”“What have I got to loose?” Regulus sighed.“Exactly.” Sirius said happily. They got to the hairdresser on time and Sirius saw the pretty girl with long blonde hair and a large cross pendant around her neck.“Appointment for Reg.” He told the receptionist who gestured for them to sit down.“When did you have time to book an appointment for me?”“I work quickly.” He said with a shrug.Sirius sat in the chair next to Christina and looked her blatantly up and down.“Beautiful cross,” he complimented. “Real gold?”Christina blushed and played with the pendant. “From what my father told me.”Sirius then pulled out the cross necklace he put on beforehand. It was a delicate silver one with little gems on the inside of the cross.“Mines smaller.” Sirius tutted. Regulus scoffed from behind him.“A cross is a cross.” She shrugged, looking pleased at his necklace.He then leaned forward and offered a hand. “I’m Sirius, and this is my brother Regulus.”Christina waved at Regulus and shook Sirius’s hand. “I’m Christina.”“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman,” he winked. “Is your boyfriend around here?”Christina blushed and giggled. “Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend.”“Husband?” Sirius teased.She showed him her ringless left hand. “Nope.”“Well lucky me, I was hoping I could ask you out.” Sirius whispered.Christina just giggled and blushed harder.“May I have your phone?”“Yes you may.” She giggled, pulling it out and opening the contacts app.“Did I really need a haircut or am I just helping you do a job?” Regulus snapped quietly in his ear.Sirius turned and glared at his brother. “You do need a haircut, it just happened that the girl I’m taking on the best date of her life is in here too.”“Sure.” Regulus rolled his eyes.“Stop complaining, I’m the one paying for this.”Regulus just grumbled a complaint under his breath and watched as Sirius typed in his number before handing the phone back."Regulus, we’re ready for you.” A hairdresser called from the salon.Sirius patted his brother on the back and stood up. “I look forward to your call, Christina, but it’s time for Reggies haircut.”Christina giggled some more. “Looking forward to it too.”“Seeing you at work is worse than hearing about it.” Regulus told him as he sat in the chair.“Hush and let these stunners work your hair.”Regulus’s hair wasn’t as long as Sirius’s. Where Sirius grew his out to his shoulders, Regulus kept his just under his ears messily. He had a chaotic fringe and Sirius had been telling him to get a haircut since a dyke tried to snog him.“Your hair is so thick!” The hairdresser complemented. “What would you like today?”“Just a trim please.” Regulus said.“Actually, can you somehow make my brother look fuckable?” Sirius asked.“Sirius! You can’t ask people that!” Regulus snapped.The hairdresser flushed at the question.“Ask yourself this, darling,” Sirius started, ignoring his brother. “If you were in a club and saw Regulus from across the room, would you walk over to him and suck him off in the bathroom or would you look for someone else?”“Uhhh.” The hairdresser said.“Sirius, shut the fuck up.” said Regulus.Sirius shrugged. “I’m trying to build a picture.”“You can’t just ask people if they would fuck me.”“Prude.”“Crude.”“I think I know what to do.” The hairdresser said after a moment.“I’m scared.” said Regulus.Sirius shushed him. “Just let the lady work her magic.”As Regulus was getting pampered, Sirius looked at the text message Remus sent him this morning asking if he was down to come over tonight.Obviously it was a yes but the guilt of fucking Regulus’s boss who Regulus was smitten with was not what he wanted to be feeling when it came to sex.Sirius looked at his brother then down at his phone and typed out a yes. Life was meant to be lived and his brother was sure to get over his boss soon enough.Looking forward to seeing you. Remus responded.Sirius sent a smiley face emoji in return.“Girls will be lining up to have a chance with you now!” The hairdresser said.Sirius looked up to see Regulus looking hesitantly in the mirror.“You look proper fancy, Reggie.” Sirius told him.The sides behind his ears were closely shaved and his fringe was cut a bit shorter.“It’s a mullet.” Regulus deadpanned. “You cut a mullet.”The hairdresser started to apologise but Sirius stepped in.“No you, old fart, it’s a wolf cut. Very popular.”“Is this appropriate for work?” Regulus frowned, pulling on the longer hair at the back of his head.“It’s hair, everything’s appropriate.” Sirius told him.“Okay.” said Regulus hesitantly.Sirius then turned to the hair dresser and put a hand on her shoulder.“Thank you, darling, my brother needed this.”“It’s my job, so you’re welcome.” She smiled.Sirius paid and gave one last flirty goodbye to Christina who looked a bit like an alien with aluminium foil clinging to her roots. He drove Regulus home, made up an excuse, then drove to Remus’s house.“Hey, handsome.” Remus smirked when he opened the door.“Hey, yourself.” grinned Sirius, eyeing the pleasing lack of shirt Remus was wearing.They didn’t exchange any words for a moment. Sirius felt a blush fill cheeks as Remus’s cock obviously started filling up behind his sweatpants.“Should I come in or are we gonna accidentally scare one of your neighbours?”Remus just chuckled and grabbed Sirius’s wrist. “Get over here.”The second the door shut Sirius was roughly pushed against it. Remus didn’t waste any time snogging the brains out of Sirius and put one of his thighs between his legs.“Hmmm, you’re good at kissing.” Sirius said as Remus wrapped one hand around his hair and tipped his head back so he could kiss Sirius’s throat.“Do you still like being thrown around?” Remus asked, tongue lapping over the place he just bit.“Uh huh.” Sirius sighed.Before he could even question it Remus whipped him off the door, put a foot behind Sirius’s ankles then pulled his feet out form under him so Sirius would land on his back but Remus went down with him and kept a hand behind Sirius’s head so not to hurt him.“What the fuck was that?” Sirius grinned excitedly feeling soooooo turned on.“Just throwing you around.” Remus smiled back, flipping Sirius around so he was on his stomach.Sirius groaned as Remus pulled his trousers and boxers down to his calves so he couldn’t move them. Remus urged him so his head was on the floor as he kneeled and before Sirius could get flushed from how hot this position was a hand slapped his butt cheek.Sirius all but groaned.Remus chuckled darkly. “Have you washed down here.”“Every fucking day.”“Good boy.”Hands on either cheek, Remus pulled them apart and shoved his face in the middle, tongue poking around the hole.Sirius could hardly breath. He had never eaten a girls arse out before because the thought grossed him out but having it done to him? This was what heaven felt like.Remus’s strong hands were massaging his cheeks and his tongue poked and prodded the loosening hole. Sirius felt Remus quickly suck on a finger then suddenly there was a tongue and finger opening the muscle.“Oh my-“ Sirius moaned, rolling his arse deeper into Remus’s tongue.His legs were beginning to turn into shaky messes as Remus wrapped a hand around Sirius’s cock, doing that thing where he swiped the head with the right amount of pressure.“I’m not going to last.” Sirius cried out as the second finger he added brushed his prostate.“I’ve got you.” Remus whispered, pulling away from his arse. Sirius heard a condom packet open from behind him and hoped Remus had the energy to rail him like he did a few days ago.“You ready?” Remus asked, leaning his body over Sirius’s back.“If you don’t pound me right now I’m actually going to die.” Sirius says firmly.Remus laughed, called him dramatic, then did exactly what Sirius asked. One of Remus’s hands got a fistful of Sirius’s hair which he then used to push Sirius’s face harder into the floorboards so his arse was higher in the air.It should have been uncomfortable, having his face forced downwards, but Sirius moaned at the dominance of it and wrapped a hand around his cock.“Fucking hell,” Remus shuddered from above. “The way your butt jiggles. So addictive.”Sirius let out a shout as Remus struck his prostate and his legs literally fell out from under him. Good thing Remus was strong enough to hold his hips up and fuck Sirius at the rapid pace he was going.Remus was getting messier and rougher as he was coming closer to the edge, gripping Sirius’s hair and hip tighter as he unleashed himself.“Come, Sirius!” He ordered with a shout.Sirius worked his cock as fast as his hand would go, desperate for release. With a cry Sirius worked himself over the edge, followed quickly by Remus who collapsed on top of him.They were silent for several seconds which Sirius broke from breaking into laughter.Remus lifted his head from where it lay between Sirius’s shoulder blades. “The fuck are you laughing about?”“Sorry,” Sirius laughed out.Remus shifted his weight to the side so Sirius could roll onto his back which he did with a massive sigh.“I think the excessive amount of prime I drank in uni is catching up to me.” Sirius groaned as he rubbed his stiff neck.Remus chuckled. “I’m pretty sure those were created to keep you hydrated, not make your neck stiff.”“Oh you underestimate how much I drank during finals.” Sirius snorted. “My best mate told me I should’ve just bought shares.”“That’s Harry’s dad, right?” Remus asked. “Your best mate?”“Yes, sir.” Sirius grinned. “God, we were shitheads back then.”Remus looked amused as he moved a stray hair from Sirius’s forehead.“I’m getting the idea that you’re still a shithead.”Sirius scoffed and grabbed a pillow to throw at his face. Remus wheezed out a laugh as the pillow smacked him straight in the nose.“He’s a shithead and sensitive.” Remus laughed. “No wonder you’re single at- how old are you?”“26.”Remus looked surprised. “You’re older than me.”“What are you then?” Sirius joked, leaning on his elbows. “You’re not jailbait, are you?”“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’m 25.”Sirius ran appreciative eyes over the 25 year olds body before leaning in to nip at the sweet spot where is neck touched his shoulder. Remus’s cock quickly stiffened and Sirius couldn’t help but straddle his lap and rub their’s together.“Thank fuck for that.” —— Replying to customers complaints about the companies shit items was a boring end to another boring day. Sirius sighed and looked at the clock again in hope that the big hand was closer to the hour this time.Fuck. Twenty minutes to go.Edmund poked his head on top of Sirius’s stall and smirked down at him knowingly. The only reason Sirius gave the man the time of day was because he made the work day a little less long. Plus, if Sirius got him drunk enough, Edmund was loose enough to pay for their tab. Not that Sirius didn’t have the money, he and Regulus grew up in a bloody manor for fucks sake.“You almost done?” Edmund asked.“Yeah.” Sirius sighed again. “This Karen’s saying she bought a vacuum from us a year ago and it has suddenly stopped working.”Edmund shrugged. “Tell her she got what she paid for. Those vacuums were what? Thirty pounds?”“If she wanted a good one she should’ve known thirty pounds was two-hundred too cheap.”“Cheap scape pricks.” Edmund scowled. “Capitalism has never paid off.”“Paid off what?” Sirius asked, typing away.“You know, it’s trendy to say.” said Edmund. “All the young people are saying it.”“I hate to say it to you but if you say ‘young people’ in a sentence, that usually means you’re not in the equation.”“I’m still young!” Edmund scoffed. “I’m 26-““Turning 27.” Sirius added.“I have my own apartment, which is more than some cunts can say. London is not cheap in this economy.”“You live in Kensington, cheapskate.”“As I was saying,” Edmund continued. “If I want a girl, I go out and get one which means I still have some…”“Spark?” Sirius tried.Edmund waved a hand. “That makes me sound like a poof, what’s another word for sex appeal?”“Big dick energy?”“Oooh, I like that one.”Sirius shrugged. “It’s what the young people are saying.”Edmund laughed and threw a ball of elastics at his head. “You little shit.”“Going off topic on how young and hip you are,” said Sirius. “How’s it going with the girl who I forced back into your arms?”“You mean Emmeline?” Edmund frowned.“I don’t fucking know. Whoever you paid me to piss off four weeks ago.”“Yeah, that’s Emmeline.” Edmund puffs. “Yeah, it’s going great.”“Are you turning monogamous on me?” Sirius joked.“Are you taking the piss?” Edmund smirked. “The moment I turn monogamous, shoot me, because I’ve been taken over by some alien.”Sirius raised two hands. “I’ll make sure to carry a pistol with me.”They were silent for a moment and Sirius focused intently on his computer as Edmund stared at him.“I asked her to marry me.”Sirius stopped typing to look up at him with a frown.“Why in all that is holy would you do that?”Edmund shrugged. “She loves me.”“But when you marry someone, normally that love is mutual.” Sirius tried.“If I’m gonna marry anyone it might as well be her. It’s not like I’m going to find someone else who will put up with me.”“I don’t know what to tell you mate, but marriage isn’t about ‘putting up with someone’.” said Sirius."Don’t be a cunt.” Edmund sneered.He turned off his computer so he could give Edmund his full attention.“Look man, I’m all for open relationships and helping a mate out if he fucks up with a girl but getting married? That’s a commitment, like, a legal commitment that you don’t go into unless you plan on sharing a grave with this woman.”“What the fuck do you know about love?.”“Enough.” Sirius grinned, smacking Edmunds arm. “Now let’s get pissed, today has fucked me over.” When Sirius said his day had fucked him over, he didn’t mean literally.Like literally getting fucked over a table.Or a kitchen counter.Or in the shower.Or over the washing machine.Or over the bed.But when Remus Lupin sends you a dick pic with a short message saying the house is empty, you’d be a universal prick for not running there as fast as you can.“Jesus Christ, you’re an animal.” Sirius gasped, breathing fast after the fifth round.Remus chuckled from on top of him and presses two hot kisses on his shoulder blades.“Sorry.”“Yeah, you sound real sorry.”“Animals don’t normally apologise after eating their pray.” said Remus, now leaving little bites on Sirius’ biceps.“I can’t do it anymore, Rem.” Sirius gasps. “You really are some crazed sex demon, if I go another round I won’t be able to walk for seven weeks.”“Aww.” Remus pouted. “But I’m already hard again.”“Fucking liar.” Sirius laughed. Yet as he looked down, the impressive cock was growing harder as he spoke.“You’re mad.”“Your exact words are a crazed sex demon slash animal who won’t stop devouring you.” Remus smiled.Sirius shook his head and ran a thumb over the other mans slightly crooked nose. Then his thumb took a course of its own and trailed over the mans freckles that covered his cheeks.“Hmmm, that feels nice.” Remus whispered.“Before I forget, Harry still wants that playdate with Teddy.”Remus opened one eye. “Did you ask his parents or are you stealing their kid again?”“Again?” Sirius gasped. “I would never steal my godson from the arms of his parents-““So you’re saying you’ve never borrowed Harry for your own advantage?”His lack of answer was answer enough.“I can’t believe it-“ Remus started.“What?” Sirius laughed loudly. “People love a single man with an adorable baby! Game is game.”“So did I fall victim to your little single man stunt that day in the library?” Remus asked. “And don’t lie and say Harry wanted to go to the library.““But he did.” Sirius lied, saying it in a whiney voice.“Then how come I haven’t seen you there in the past few Sundays?”“Errr.”“I can’t believe it.” Remus shook his head. “You used Harry to get some action, you got it, and now you’re never going back.”Sirius burst out in laughter which Remus copied. Their naked bodies curled around each other as they laughed, and soon the laughter turned into kisses and before Sirius knew it, he was riding his sixth orgasm of the night and into a hurricane of emotions. ——“Paddy, where are we going?” Harry asked excitedly, jumping along the footpath.“Do you remember Teddy, from the library?”Harry blinked. “With the blue hair?”“Yeah, well we’re going to meet him and his daddy at the park for a playdate.”“The Spiderman park?” Harry screamed.“The very one.”Harry had to stop walking since his jaw was so wide open. Sirius chuckled fondly and pulled on the little boys hand softly to get him moving.“If you don’t get a move on, Teddy might start without you.”That definitely got his godson moving.As planned, Sirius saw a tall figure with a small kid running around the park. It was a beautiful day out and Sirius finally let go of Harry’s hand and let the excitable boy sprint to what he calls the ‘Spiderman frame’, a tall yellow frame with rope wrapped around it that looks like a spiderweb.“Be careful, Bambi!” Sirius remembered to call out as Harry started climbing it.“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Remus says as Sirius saunters over to where he’s sitting on a bench.“I’m gorgeous, I know.”“I was talking about Harry. Teddy was worried he wouldn’t show.”Sirius laughed a sat down opposite, linking their ankles together.Regulus thought he was working extra hours today and Sirius had to choke down the guilt because this outing was definitely giving off date vibes more than two adults supervising their children’s playdate.“The traffic was horrid today. I guess everyone was headed for the beach.”Remus frowned distastefully. “I don’t understand why people would choose to get sunburned on a rocky beachside, surrounded by squawking seagulls who steal your chippies and poop on you.”Sirius laughed again and felt the mans knee under the table. “Not a fan of the beach, are you?”“The only good thing about the beach is the fish and chips and that is hardly something to talk about.” Remus scoffed, glancing at the boys.“Does Teddy like the beach?”Remus snorted. “Unfortunately.”“I, for one, love the beach.” Sirius smirked. “The tight swimming shorts, water dripping down tanned muscles, sand castles, throwing seaweed at unsuspecting people. The fun doesn’t stop.”“Well, when you put it like that, I could lay in the shade and watch… others do that.” blushed Remus.Sirius put his chin in his palm and gasped sarcastically. “Are you saying you want to see me soaking wet, Remus?”Remus blushed and shook his head. “I’ve already seen you soaking wet and in less clothes than a bathing suit.”“You may have seen all that but you haven’t had the pleasure of rubbing sunscreen all over me before.” He teased.“Would I rather cover you in sunscreen or my c-““Daddy, look!” Teddy shouted, running up to them with Harry right behind.“What is it, munchkin?” Remus asked, still flushed from their dirty conversation.“We saw a- a- a-“ Teddy tried.“Speak slower and try again.”“We…saw…a…mushroom.”“Oooo!” Remus gasped and to Sirius’s surprise he got up and followed the boys to where the mushrooms were. In amusement, he followed behind them.“Oh those are lovely, Teddy, good find.” Remus gushed. He got to his knees and inspected them closely. They were small and a bright orange with a shiny top.“What name is it, daddy?” Teddy whispered, looking just as closely as his father.“Waxcap’s.” Remus muttered. “Not poisonous so they’re alright to touch. They aren’t exactly common in these parts so this will be a great addition to our collection.”“Take a picture!” Teddy bounced happily.“Do you collect mushrooms?” Harry asked.“Yep!” answered Teddy. “We have a lots of pictures and me and daddy go on adventures!”Remus looked at Sirius. “You, Harry and his parents should come for dinner some time to check it out some time, how about it Teddy?”“Yes!” Teddy screeched. “Hawwy can see my Spiderman toys.”“I love Spiderman too!” Harry exclaimed.The boys ran off to play on the Spiderman frame and discuss their powers and costumes which left Remus and Sirius alone to admire the mushroom.“I didn’t know you collected mushrooms.” said Sirius. “I didn’t see any while I was at your house.”“I can’t imagine you can focus on the mushroom pillows, blankets and wall art when I’m fucking you against them.” Remus raised an eyebrow slyly.Sirius chuckled at that, feeling a little horny. “Perhaps I’ll get a better look at that dinner you were talking about.”“I didn’t just mention it to get in your knickers, I do want to meet Harry’s parents, and your best mate.”“Lily is going to love you, I can already see it.” Sirius groaned. “James too.”Remus laughed. “I apologise for taking your friends away from you.”Sirius was about to come up with a sly reply when his phone started ringing. He looked to see it was an unknown number, probably another job.“I should take this, excuse me.” He said absentmindedly as he walked off to answer it.“Hello, this is Sirius.”“Hi, it’s me Christina. Fro-from the hair dressers?”“Oh hi!” Sirius smiled, already seeing the dollars coming in. “I was worried you wouldn’t call, you were breaking my heart over here.”Christina giggled. “It’s been two days, you flirt. I apologise though, the church has been busy.”“Well, our Lord and Saviour doesn’t take a day off.”She laughed at that and Sirius could imagine her twirling her blonde hair. “Anyway, I called to see if you were free to go on a date, this Friday?”“How could I refuse that?” He joked. “Does seven work? I want to get drinks before dinner.”“Yes, that works perfectly.”“Wonderful! Leave the details to me and I’ll meet you at the front of Greggs near the corner store, how does that sound?”“I look forward to it.” She replied. “What do you have planned?”Sirius didn’t know. “It’s a surprise, sweetheart. Wear something smart casual and I’ll see you at seven.”“Okay, bye.”“Bye, darling.”The most horrible date for a Christian would have to be pretty demonic but before he could wrack is brain for a satanic place he went back to Remus who was still on his knees and writing in a small notebook by the mushroom.“Sorry ‘bout that.” He said, kneeling down next to him.“No worry’s, I just needed to write this down for research purposes.”“Do you work with fungi?” Sirius asked, remembering he hadn’t asked where Remus worked because even though he already knew, Remus didn’t know he knew. “You don’t take me as a botanist kind of guy.”“I wish.” Remus chuckled. “No, I’m head editor of a newspaper company. The Prophet, to be exact.”“You’re head editor for The Prophet?” Sirius gasped, imagining what a normal person would say in this scenario.“I love my job, it’s a dream, really, but it has long hours and although I can work from home when Teddy’s sick but it isn’t easy for me to stop and give him the attention he needs.”“Fair enough.” Sirius shrugged. “I work at a shit place that sells shit items for shit prices to shit cheapskates.”“Sounds shit.” joked Remus.“Oh it is. But I get 60% off anything under two-hundred pounds which is a great help for my brother and I.”“Oh, you should invite your brother to dinner!” Remus started. “I know we’re not dating or- or anything but we’re friends and he probably won’t mind the free meal…”That was soooo not going to happen. “Just lemme know the date and I’ll ask him, he’s normally a pretty busy person but if I beg him enough he comes around.”“Good.” Remus laughed. “I need to meet the poor sod who has to live with you.”“Shut up.” —— The dinner was set to be that Saturday.But before Sirius could piss himself about his closest friends meeting the love of his brothers life who Sirius was shagging on a regular basis, he had to be an arsehole and take Christina on the worse date of her life.He rocked up the corner store he asked to meet at an hour late, because girls hate nothing more than a man to be late. Plus, he spent the afternoon with Remus before he picked Teddy up from his friends house which went for longer than he expected. Leaving Remus naked in bed to do this shit was not how he wanted to spend his evening.To bad money talks.“Hello!” He shouted drunkenly as he approached Christian, who was surprisingly still there.“You’re an hour late.” She scolded. “And I don’t think it’s safe for me to be alone on this street-“Sirius waved a hand. “Piss posh this street is wonderful, or are you classist?”Christina looked around the crime ridden street. “I’m not classist, I just don’t feel safe here without someone I know nearby.”“But you don’t me.” Sirius said. “And you probably don’t wanna.”She bit her lip. “And I thought you said you wanted to get drinks beforehand?”“And I did!” Sirius smiled, pulling out a half bottle of whiskey he took from the back cabinets of his and Regulus’s kitchen.“You drank all that?” She gasped, horrified. “I am not getting in a car with you! We’ve had people come into the church you have lost loved ones to drink driving and I refuse to be part of the statistic.”“No driving necessary, we’re going to eat right around the corner.” Sirius told her with a keen smile. “Okay, follow me for the best date of your life!”Christina looked hesitant but followed him anyway, looking distrustfully at the suspicious part of town he had asked her to meet in.“The place you found better be cleaner than the street it’s in.” She joked truthfully as they past a gang of meth heads.“Don’t worry yourself, baby girl, I know exactly where we are.” said Sirius. “And those are my mates over there. Hi Jackie Boy, Chrissy Chip and Tommy Two Tongue!” He shouted.Surprisingly the meth heads who he had never met before in his life waved back dreamily.“Man, wassit?” One of them asked.“Living the dream, mate.”Christian had a terrible poker face and looked horrified at the interaction.“You don’t do drugs do you, Sirius?”Sirius shook his head. “Nah, ciggies and alcohol do me better than all that illegal crap.” Then to prove his point he took out a cig, lit it, and blew a puff in her face.“It relaxes my soul.”Poor Christina waved a hand in her face and coughed. “Please don’t blow nicotine in my face.”“No problem, princess.” And he took a large sip of whiskey instead.They walked one more block when they arrived at their destination. It was an old Church with stunning stain glass windows and only one door to enter by near the back.“Woah.” Christina gasped in wonder. “This is beautiful.”“Yeah, now follow me.”He pulled out a crucifix in a shape of a key and opened the side door. Since he was a true gentleman, he held the door open and let her walk in first.“Thank you.” She blushed.The corridor leading to the main area was lit only my dim lights but Sirius sauntered confidently until they reach a grand wooden door.“Welcome to Church, princess.”He opened it and Christina gasped when she saw what was inside.This was not your usual Church. No. It was a BDSM club Sirius and James had found when they were drunk off their faces back in their earlier twenties. The confessional booths were definitely not for confessing in, unless it was to do the sins you would normally be crucified for. The stage at the front was turned into a large bar with cocktails named after slutified biblical figures, and there were crosses all around where people would get tied to and debauched, all consensual of course.It was the most horrific thing a good Christine girl like Christina could possibly see and Sirius would pat himself on the back if he wasn’t wearing his tight leather jacket.Christina turned to face him. Her mouth was open in shock and her shoulders were heavily shaking.“I can’t do this.” She said then stormed past him to the door they entered by.Sirius followed behind and caught up to her on the side street. Her makeup had smudged from the tears streaming down her face and she was gripping the cross necklace around her neck tightly.“Hey, where are you going?” He asked, gripping her arm.“Away!” Christina shouted. “How dare you take me there! That was insensitive and cruel and horrid.”“I’m sorry, lemme take you somewhere else.”“I’ll get a taxi, thanks.” She spat.“What’s so bad about Church? I thought you loved it?”“That isn’t Church.” She scorned. “Church is faith and love. Church is believing in someone bigger than yourself who only has intentions to guide you on the right path of life, not whatever that is.”“I get it, now let’s just eat something .” Sirius tried.“Ugh, you know, my last boyfriend didn’t take me anywhere.” Christina sobbed. “He’d call me late at night and asked me to come over as if he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me. And I thought I had everything in control, y’know, I said to myself that he wasn’t using me, I was using him and-““That he had no control over me because I had everything under control.” Sirius finished in understanding.Christina nodded her head. “Exactly. But whenever the phone rang and it was him on the other line my heart would stutter and I’d get butterflies and suddenly I was at his doorstep at two in the morning, ready to do whatever he wanted.”“I’m sorry he made you feel that way.” Sirius sympathised.“And then when I finally go on a date in public it’s with an arsehole like you!” She stomped, glaring at Sirius. “I deserve better than that.”“You do.” Sirius nodded. “I’m an arsehole who took you on a bad date. Please let me take you somewhere else, you must be hungry?”Christina eyed him distrustfully.“How about we go out to eat…as friends. No expectations, no more disappointments, yeah?” He tried again, hands up in mercy.“As friends.” Christina smiled and Sirius gladly took her somewhere else.It was a kebab truck that located itself near the family friendly park. Sirius ordered them more food than they needed, sat down and told Christina his whole deal.“It was in uni, and after I took this girl on the most horrific date her ex boyfriend came up to me to say how I magically got them back together by being such an arsehole.” He chuckled at the memory. “He said, and I quote: ‘only you can make me look good’. Then one of his friends came up to me and said he’d pay me if I traumatised this girl and I just never stopped.”“And that was the birth of Sirius Black.” Christina joked.“Exactly.” He smiled.“But do you truly enjoy it?” She asked. “Being such an arsehole?”“Well, I’m good at it.” Sirius shrugged.Christina looked at him for a moment in awe. “You know, you’re kind of like an anti-Cupid, giving couples a second chance.”“Nah.”“You’re a hopeless romantic!” She grinned. “Admit it.”He snorted. “More like the Antichrist.”Christina frowned at him for that and Sirius started apologising which made Christins laugh again.“It’s okay, you’ve done worse than call yourself that.”“I really am sorry.” Sirius tried again. “After everything with Remus I realised how much of a pussy I’ve become.”“You're not a- a what you just said, you have feelings for him, don’t you?” She asked softly.“I don’t know, we shag and my godson is friends with his son-““You’re allowed to have feelings if he’s a good man.”“Reggie would kill me if he knew.”“I’m sure he’d understand.” Christina said. “He loves you more than his little crush on his boss.”“Maybe.”“Take Remus out on a proper date, he won’t think you’re serious about having a relationship if you don’t show him off in public.”“We’re going to his place to have dinner tomorrow with Harry’s parents.”“I have faith you’ll do the right thing by Remus and your brother.”Sirius smiled. “Thank you, Christina.”“I’ll be praying for you.”“Don’t do that.” —— “Paddy, why are you biting your nails?” Harry asked as James drove them to Remus’s place.“I’m not.” said Sirius, putting his hands under his thighs.“Paddy’s nervous, Harry.” Lily teased.“Paddy’s nervous, Paddy’s nervous-““Oh shush, Prongslet.”It was the night of the dinner and Sirius was, in fact, nervous.James were thrilled that Harry made a new friend while Lily was happy they had met in a library.“Making academic friends young is a great head start.” She had said when Sirius told them about the dinner.“Lily, you put Harry on the waiting list for all the expensive primary schools the day he was born.” Sirius had joked. “I bet he’ll meet a nerd or two at those.”“Those waiting lists are long.” Lily scolded him. “I would’ve put him on earlier but the ‘he must be born already’ rule stopped me.”Back in the car, James made eye contact with Sirius who was in the backseat next to Harry.“Why are you nervous, aren’t you and Remus friends?”“Yeah, we are.” Sirius stammered. “But he thinks Reggie is coming and I said he couldn’t cause of work so…”“Why would that make you nervous?” Lily asked suspiciously.“Well, I don’t know.” Sirius answered.He had begged to whatever listened that the Potter’s wouldn’t mention Regulus. Remus would tell them his job and they’d say that Regulus worked there too because they’re close like that and then-Well, it made Sirius sick to think about what would happen next, mainly because he couldn’t imagine what would happen.If Sirius told the Potters not to talk about Regulus, they would get suspicious and talk about him more and that would be bad too.There was no winning as long as no one mentioned the name Regulus Black.“And here we are!” James announced as he pulled up to the curb near Remus’s apartment.“Teddy said he would wear his Spiderman top too!” Harry said, showing Sirius the print on his shirt and on his sketcher shoes.“It’s like you’re going to be twins.” Sirius gasped. “How would we tell you two apart?”“Silly, Paddy.” Harry giggled. “I’m taller and Teddy has blue hair!”“You’re right, the hair is a huge difference.” Sirius nodded seriously as he unbuckled Harry from his kids seat and carried him down from the car.They walked up to the apartment and James held Sirius back.“Wassit, mate?” James asked.“Nothing, Prongs.” said Sirius. “I’m excited for you guys to meet Remus and Teddy! They’re great and you’re going to love them.”James eyed him for a while. “That’s not it, somethings up.”“What could possibly be up?”“I don’t know, that’s what I’m waiting for.”Sirius huffed and ran a hand through his long hair. “Just… I don’t want you guys to mention Regulus tonight.”“Why not?” James frowned. “He probably won’t come up anyway. Has he done something?”“He’s, uh, Remus’s assistant at The Prophet.” Sirius whispered.James gasped. “He’s Remus’s assistant?! What a crazy coincidence-““Remus doesn’t know I know Regulus because Reg is in love with him but Remus doesn’t love him back so he asked me to take Remus out on the worse date of his life so they could get together but I kind of…caught feelings or something and I’m too scared to say anything.” Sirius babbled. “Rem doesn’t even know what my surname because I’m so scared he’d connect the dots.”“Oh my gosh, Sirius, that’s fucking mental.” James exclaimed. “So you’re on a job right now?”“Not exactly…” Sirius huffed. “Like I said, I caught feelings and now Regulus doesn’t know I’m still seeing him and I didn’t even tell him I was going out to dinner tonight-““Bloody hell, mate.” James coughed. “I can’t believe this is how I find out you’re gay.”“I’m not gay.” Sirius spat. “I’m straight until it comes to Remus.”“Remus-sexual?” James offered.“Piss off.” Sirius laughed. “Anyway, that’s why I’ve been running myself into a mess and I didn’t think I’d tell you all that tonight because this is an important night for Harry and Teddy, and I think Remus likes me back because he’s been confiding in me more.”“Hey,” James started. “I’ll talk to Lils and I promise we won’t fuck this up for you. I don’t care if you’re gay or straight or in love with your car, I’m happy to see you finally falling for someone.”“I won’t say you were right.” Sirius grumbled, feeling pleased.“What? That monogamy is the shit?” James grinned.“You’re a prick.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “And we should see the others before they get loss.”“Operation: Get Sirius to fall in love and never mentioning Regulus is on the go.” James whispered mysteriously like he’s a spy and making Sirius laugh.They got to Remus’s apartment and after he knocked Teddy opened the door excitedly.“Hawwy!” He shouted adorably. He too was wearing a Spiderman shirt with Spiderman track pants and Spiderman slippers.“Woah, you have more Spiderman clothes than me!” Harry gasped. “I have this shirt and Spiderman sketchers.”“Thats enough.” Teddy said matter of factly and dragged Harry into the apartment.Remus ran around the corner from the kitchen with a dirty frilly apron and a wide smile.“Oh, you’re here.” He said. “Apologies, I told Teddy to not answer the door in case of strangers but he was too excited he waited by the door until you knocked.”“That’s so cute.” James cooed. “And awesome apron, mate, I have one similar.”Remus looked at his attire and blushed cutely. “I forgot I had this on, it was my mums.”The guests came in and Sirius looked more closely at how homely the house was when his brain wasn’t distracted with horniness.There was a cosy couch Remus had railed him on with mushroom shaped pillows and a fluffy rainbow carpet scattered with toy cars. A small TV and a huge bookcase covered in multicoloured books. Next to the small kitchen was a long brown table set for six people with a small bouquet of flowers in the middle. Sirius knew that down the hallway was the bedrooms and bathroom but he could now appreciate the warmness of the rest of the home. On the walls were retro diagrams of the anatomy of mushrooms, different types of mushrooms in the area and detailed pictures of impressive fungi. Sirius grinned at the amount of Teddy and Remus pictures on the mantle piece as he strolled easily into the lounge room. A picture of a baby Teddy in the arms of a young woman with wild pink hair and another gorgeous blonde woman had Sirius think that these were Teddy's French baby mothers. The picture next to it was an adorable selfie with Remus and Teddy lying on the dirt with a bright blue mushroom, it was so mundane yet so cute.“Homer fan?” Lily guessed suddenly, looking quizzical at the books.“I did my thesis Circe and the Cyclops.” Remus said.“Oh my gosh, I did my thesis on feminism in Ancient Greek literature!” Lily gasped.“Ooo, that’s a good one. Lots of examples to go off.”“I loved it.” Lily sighed. “I had Harry at the same time too so I was really feeling the feminist urge.”“I can imagine that would’ve been tough.” Remus frowned sympathetically. “We had Teddy when I was twenty-two, so right out of uni and that was extremely tricky with my new job and his baby mummy moving to France.”“But we did it.” Lily smiled. “I don’t regret Harry at all.”“Me neither.” James added randomly. “He was so cute too and the professors always gave us extra marks cause he felt sorry for us, I think.”"Oh yeah, that was a bonus.”Sirius laughed. “The dinner smells delicious, what is it?”Remus motioned for them to follow him into the kitchen. “Teddy requested homemade spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread so that is what I’ve made. Sirius told me that is your specialty, Lily, so I hope it’s up to your standard.”“Oh, I like him.” Lily whispered in Sirius’s ear.“One can never have too much spaghetti bolognaise.” She told him. “And James doesn’t like to have too much garlic bread so this is a real treat, it makes him farty.”“That’s classified information!” James gasped, not looking embarrassed at all.“I can’t eat beans.” Remus shrugged.“You loose ten British points for that.” said Sirius seriously.“Well good thing I’m from Wales then.” Remus replied, poking his tongue out.“We had a roommate from Wales, he had a dragon tattoo on his left arse cheek.” James noted.Sirius gasped. “I remember him! Peter Pettigrew he was, nice fella.”“Harry pooped on him like three times.” Lily remembered.James burst out in laughter. “Bloody hell, that was so funny.”“And we never saw him after that second Christmas.” Sirius sighed solemnly.“I think he went off to Germany.” Lily found.James and Sirius looked at her oddly. “I have him on MySpace.” She said defensively. “He’s dating a nice girl too.”Sirius looked at Remus who was grinning is amusement at the trio.“Was that at Eton or during uni?” Remus asked.“Sirius told you about our Eton days, aye?” James quirked at eyebrow.“I don’t know much, just enough to know that you lot were a pack of pricks.” Remus laughed.“That we were, Rem my boy, that we were.” James sighed.“You should’ve seen them before they met me and I took them down a notch.” Lily added. “These two boys thought they were the kings of the world with all their money and handsome faces.”“We were!” Sirius exclaimed. “Our peers worshipped us because we managed to sneak booze into the dorms and threw the best parties anyone had any seen.”“No lies.” James nodded. “No one else could sneak girls in like we could.”Remus turned to Lily. “How’d you meet these freaks?”Lily snorted. “We met in primary school and this lovesick fool," she pointed to James, "got dared to kiss me. Apparently he thought I was the love of his life after that because he asked me out everyday until we moved to secondary school. I was a scholarship student at Roedean Girls while the boys went to Eton which was a two hours drive.” She took James’s hand and looked at him with hearts in her eyes. “Now this is proper romantic, James would drive to my school once a week to give me flowers and by year ten I was in love too. I thought he was joking at first because I wasn’t exactly an attractive child but once someone drives two hours to give you flowers and waxes poetry about how pretty you are, you start to gain feelings.”“That’s so cute.” Remus sighed dreamily.“Oh it was. We went to each others school dances and even though he wasn’t a student, we got our photo in the school photo book and were named the cutest couple.”“At both our schools.” James added.“You two were in the local newspaper as well.” Sirius remembered.“We were.” Lily laughed. “I have the article somewhere.”“It’s sickening, isn’t it?” Sirius told Remus as James kissed her cheek.James wrapped an arm around Sirius’s shoulders. “You love us.” Then he looked at Remus. “I used to make Sirius come with me when I drove to Lily’s school so he could help me write a poem about her eyes or something.”“I have a way with words.”They laughed over the memory when the oven beeped and Remus pulled the tray of garlic bread out happily.“Dinner time!”Teddy and Harry screamed as they scrambled out of Teddy’s room. Harry had on a Spiderman mask and a black Batman cape while Teddy had had Wonder Woman’s headband and all his Spiderman clothes.‘Come on, Superheroes, time to eat.” Remus said, picking Teddy up to sit in his high chair. “I didn’t get one for Harry, I have a booster seat if he needs it.”“No, that’s perfect.” Sirius smiled.“Spetti!” Teddy shouted when Remus brought the large bowl down.“Good choice, Teddy Bear.” Remus complimented. “I made sure the meatballs were round this time too.”Teddy nodded his head. “Good.”James snorted. “What did you make them last time?”“Well, Teddy was learning about shapes at kindergarten so I thought it’d be fun to make them into squares and triangles but-““They fell apart.” Teddy said sternly. “It was yucky.”“It was yucky.” Remus nodded in agreement.‘“They are meatballs, right Teddy?” Sirius grinned.“Yes, balls are wound.” He said seriously.“I learnt about a hexagon yesterday!” Harry added, feeling left out.“How many edges does a hexagon have, Harry?” Lily quizzed.“Six?” He frowned.“Very good, you’re learning quickly, my love.” She complimented.Harry grinned widely and proudly and Sirius and Remus smiled from next to each other.“You having a good night?” Remus whispered.“Hmmm, much better now that the meatballs are circular.” He joked.Remus scowled. “How was I supposed to know that meat in a 3D square wouldn’t hold its shape?”“It’s a mystery.”Remus leaned a bit closer. “Have you told them about us?”“Not yet, I need to take you on a proper date first.” He responded looking Remus dead in the eyes.Remus sat up straighter. “You want to take me out again?”“And not to a strip club this time.” Sirius grinned.“That puts the bar incredibly low.” Remus chuckled.“Good.” Sirius smirked. “That means I can take you anywhere that doesn’t involve women taking their clothes off and it would be the best date I ever take you on.”Remus looked thoughtful. “Alright, I give you permission to wow me and if you let me down again I can withdraw sex.”“Oh you are so on.”“Remus, where do you work?” Lily asked suddenly, breaking the little bubble Sirius and Remus were in. “It was a newspaper, wasn’t it?”“Yeah, I’m head editor at The Prophet.”“We love The Prophet.” Lily gasped. “Oh that’s an excellent job!”“Oh, it’s a dream.” Remus smiled. “The pay is a bonus too but I get to read all the drama before everyone else.”“Maybe I should quit my job and be your assistant.” joked Lily.Remus laughed naturally. “I would say yes but I already have an assistant, he’s a little odd but he does his job well.”Sirius stiffened and looked to James in a manic in case Lily asks anymore questions.“Too bad.” sighed Lily in disappointment.Thank goodness, she didn’t.“Maybe I should hire you, a married woman, so you don’t tell me you’re in love with me over dinner.”Remus didn’t catch the drift.Sirius had taken sip of water which he methodically sprayed all over the table. He started coughing and Remus patted his back.“You alright there, mate?”“He told you he loved you?” He asked in shock. Regulus did not mention this.“Yeah, it was over a dinner he invited me on and paid for, and in the middle of our conversation he just kind of shouted it out and I had never thought of him like that so it was a whole weird experience.”“That’s wild, mate.” James quaffed. “And you still work with him?”“Yeah, I told him we should date other people and to stop it from getting awkward we should forget he said anything!” Remus exclaimed. “He’s only been my assistant for five months so I really wasn’t expecting this.”“And work is good?” Lily frowned.“Oh yeah, Reg has been great, he doesn’t seem to have hard feelings from what I’ve seen.” Remus sighed and helped a struggling Teddy swirl is spaghetti around his fork. “He looked terribly hurt when I said we should date other people but I wasn’t sure what else to say.”“Wait,” Lily frowned. “Reg as in Regu-“In quick thinking, James slammed his foot on top of hers to get her to shut up.“Bloody hell!” Lily screeched. “James Fleamont Potter, what the actual fuck was that for?”“Sorry, dear.” James sympathised, kissing her cheek. “I thought I saw a cockroach.”“I’ve never seen a cockroach around here before.” frowned Remus, looking hurriedly under the table.“It might have been something else but I swore it was a cockroach. Those pests are a hidden problem and one should never grow ignorant to them.” James said matter of factly.“Thank you, James, I was wondering if I should drench the place in insect repellent or not.”“No!” Teddy screamed. “Not the spiders!”“Teddy,” Remus sighed, “I promise you if there was ever a radioactive spider it would probably survive the repellent.”“But what about its mummy?” Teddy pouted.“Its mum would survive the repellent as well.”Sirius leaned back in relief as Remus and Teddy went back and forth. Thank fuck for James. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if Remus did know he was brothers with Regulus but he’d tell Regulus and that is what is so bad about this. Why break off one relationship for the other if you can keep both but keep them in the dark?“Hey Teddy?” Sirius asked before the little boy burst into tears over spiders.“Yeah?” Teddy sniffed cutely.Sirius leaned forward as if to tell a secret. “How good are you at making pillow forts?”
“I’m weally weally good.” He whispered back.“Yeah?” Sirius smirked. “Because Harry said that and I still beat him.”Teddy grinned back. “I’m actually the best.”“How about a challenge? Whoever wins gets… ice cream after dinner!”“I made us a chocolate cake.” Remus butted in.Sirius made a thoughtful face. “Then whoever wins gets chocolate cake and ice cream.”“I’ll win!” Teddy screamed again and he held his arms in the air to try and get out of the chair.“I gotcha, mate.” Sirius said and made a huge show of groaning as he picked Teddy out of the chair. Teddy screeched when Sirius swooshed him around the room and held him temptingly over his dads head.“You’re taller than your daddy.” Sirius joked as Teddy kicked his feet and screamed joyfully when Remus leaned up to tickle under his arms.“No daddy!”“Should I leave you up here or do you want to build an ice cream winning fort?” Sirius asked, swaying him two and fro.“Fort!” Teddy said loudly, kicking his feet wilder.“You wanna stay up here?”“Fort!”“I wanna build a fort.” Harry grumped.Sirius put Teddy back on the ground. “How about a challenge. You two against me and Teddy’s daddy and whoever makes the best fort gets ice cream? Harry’s parents can vote.”“I didn’t agree to this.” Remus scowled, but the two boys where already running around collecting pillows, blankets and chairs to create their fort.“Too bad.” smirked Sirius. “And I refuse to loose to a three and six year old so get your sexy arse up and start finding things.”Although Remus grumbled and scowled and cursed Sirius’s existence, he put just as much work as Sirius into making the biggest, bestest fort he could. Where the boys got all the pillows and blankets from the lounge room and Teddy’s room, Remus got out his large duvet and the pillows from the top of the linen cupboard which gave them a huge advantage.Thirty minutes later and James and Lily were ready to score.Remus and Sirius were first and stood proudly beside their fort. It was bigger, and in Sirius’s opinion better, than the boys but lacked in the colour department.“Good height.” Lily noted. “Inside you have comfy cushions and fairy lights which I really like.”“I give this an 8/10.” James said seriously.“Eight? Out of ten?” Sirius scoffed. “This is a pure masterpiece worth a ten and nothing less!”“Shut up, Paddy.” Harry scolded.When Lily and James looked over at the boys fort they stood up straighter and Teddy looked on the verge of tears.“Amazing use of the chairs, boys.” Lily complimented. “And I love the multicoloured blankets on the top. Much better than their white and brown blankets.”“Oi, watch it.” Sirius growled.“And look at that cool Spiderman pillow.” James gushed. “You get 10/10 just for that.”“We won?” Teddy jumped.“I believe so, congratulations boys, you get chocolate cake and ice cream for all your hard work.”Teddy and Harry ran into each others arms and screamed happily, bouncing in a circle. It would’ve been adorable is Sirius wasn’t seething.“We won that and you know it.”Remus rolled his eyes. “Alright Gordon Ramsey don’t chop your godsons head off.”“The little shit is going to be reminding me of this moment until I’m ion my grave.” Sirius scowled, eyeing Harry smiling widely.“You’re something else, Sirius.” Remus chuckled, rubbing his back. “I’m sorry you lost the fort challenge.”It was all forgiven when Harry jumped onto Sirius’s lap and fed him a spoonful of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, and after dinner when Teddy dragged Harry into their winning fort and they giggled under there until Teddy fell asleep.Remus picked his son up all softly in his warm knitted jumper and they were so cute that Sirius stared at them for wayyy too long.“Thanks for coming over, we had a really great time.” He told them with Teddy snoozing in his arms, looking at Sirius.“It was good to finally meet the man Sirius keeps rambling on about.” James replied, shaking his hand. “And Harry talks very highly of the both of you.”“Sirius rambles about me?” Remus quirked an eyebrow. “All good things, I hope.”“I talk good things about you too, Mr Remus.” Harry adds tiredly, leaning heavily into Lily’s shoulder.“Thank you, Harry.” Remus smiled. “Teddy was obviously very excited for tonight that he forgot to take his afternoon nap.”“Aww, well we’ll leave you for tonight and hope to catch up another time.” Lily gushed, giving Remus a cheek kiss.Everyone said their goodnights but Sirius gestured to James when they turned to leave that they can go on without hiand he sneaked back into the Lupin residence as Remus shut the door.Remus looked amused but looked at Teddy hesitantly. “It’s always a pleasure to have you here, Sirius, but I can’t do anything with Teddy here and-““No problem.” Sirius shrugged. “I’ll pack up the forts while you put him to bed.”Remus smiled appreciatively. “Thank you, I’ll be a moment.”Sirius didn’t exactly know where to put all the linen besides the duvet and pillows he got from Remus’s room and the things from Teddy’s room so when Sirius went to out Teddy’s things back he stopped quietly by the door when he heard soft voices.“-been a crazy night, you can sleep in as long as you want to tomorrow.” Remus whispered, playing with his sons curly hair that still had faint blue stripes in it. Teddy had been changed into his Spiderman button up pyjamas that made Teddy look so cute and soft Sirius wanted to throw up.“I want a sleepover wib- wib Hawwy.” Teddy stammered.“I’ll ask his parents, but you’re too tired to have one tonight.”“I’ll have a sleepover wib Hawwy and you can have one with Sirius. Hawwy said he talks about you a lot.”Harry, the little shit.Remus chuckled deeply and pressed a long kiss to Teddy’s forehead. “I’ll ask in the morning, right now you should close your eyes and go to sleep.”Teddy hugged a stuffed wolf plushie tightly to his chest and shut his eyes. “Night daddy, I love you.”“I love you too, baby.” said Remus with another forehead kiss and one last stroke if his hair.Sirius wasn’t fast enough to turn away so Remus saw him spying on them with a knowing smirk.“I have Teddy’s blankets here.” He whispered.“Thanks.” Remus took them and put them neatly on a chair, then he shut the door quietly behind him and pressed a deep kiss to Sirius’s lips.A few moments passed when they finally pulled away for air.“Not that I’m complaining but what was that for?” Sirius breathed, wrapping his arms around the taller mans shoulders.“I like that you talk about me.” Remus confessed.Sirius ran his hands through Remus’s hair and smirked when it made him groan. “Did you think I treated you like a dirty little secret?”“I don’t know, maybe a little.”“Do you talk about me?” Sirius whispered, pressing light kisses along his jaw.Remus grabbed a handful of his arse and squeezed. “Yeah, I do.”“Not at work, right?” Sirius asked suddenly, having to make sure.“M’not close enough with anyone there to talk about my sex life.”“Good, me neither.” Sirius grinned and pulled Remus in for another snog.“Hmmm we should not do this while my sons asleep next door.” Remus frustratingly sighed as Sirius dragged him into his room.“No, we shouldn’t.”But as Remus and Sirius practically rip their clothes off to leech back onto one another, all thoughts of what’s right and what’s wrong are wiped away.Remus was all hard muscles and lithe skin that held possessively onto Sirius’s hips as he shagged him, his cock at a high level of expertise in hitting his prostate so perfectly that Sirius hasn’t been able to do what he does best, be an arsehole to women to the point it’s illegal.After their second time in the shower where Remus had Sirius pressed against the cold tiles as he railed him from behind, Remus fell asleep in a pair of boxers that were pulled on so hazardly that one whole arse cheek was out in the open. Sirius felt tired and as he played with the slightly damp and curly hair on Remus’s head, he decided to break his rule and fell asleep peacefully next to the man that could probably ruin everything.

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Sirius was moving his hair methodically in his bathroom mirror when Regulus sleeked in behind him.“Hey, man, I’m going soon.” Sirius muttered. “Got any plans tonight?”“Where are you going?”“I’ve got a…job.”“Oh.” Regulus frowned. “Well, good luck.”Sirius turned around and put his hands on his brothers shoulders.“What’s the matter?”Regulus huffed and ruffled his newly cut hair. “Remus said he liked my haircut when I showed him yesterday.”“That’s good, very good progress.” Sirius nodded.“But… I feel like he’s distracted. I’ve been trying to be the best assistant in the world by bringing in his favourite snacks and making him a cup of his favourite tea whenever he’s got a meeting but he only smiles at me and says thank you and I’m worried all my efforts are in vain.” He pouted.“Aww Reggie, don’t do that pouty lip, you look gay.” He joked.Regulus sighed. “I think he’s dating someone, or at least seeing someone cause he says it’s about his kid but no one is that happy all the time.”“That’s where you and Remus are different.” Sirius started. “He’s probably getting laid, well and often, and you’re here spending your Saturday nights alone with your wank box.”“It isn’t a wank box-““You need to get out there and get railed, mate. That’s why you’re so stoic all the time, I bet.”“I really am okay spending Saturdays alone.”“No, you’ve been a loser for far to long and have forgotten what the real world is like.” Sirius slapped his cheek lightly, in a brotherly way. “Lemme call one of my friends who will be more than happy to sort you out.”“Please don’t do that.” Regulus whined.“Didn’t your boss tell you to see other people?” grinned Sirius. “You don’t want to disappoint the boss now.”Regulus stepped away and crossed his arms angrily. “I’m not like you, Sirius, I can’t do those one night stands.”“What about one of your mates from Eton?” Sirius tried. “Surely there was a little hand under the sheet action. You came out to me in your final year after all, I suspect you had a discovery in that secluded dorm of yours.”“Don’t be an arse.” Regulus spat.Sirius looked at the time and cursed. “As much fun as this chat has been, I’ve got to get going and get some action while you stay in your hermit shell and watch anime people fuck.”With a final kiss on the forehead to his little brother, Sirius was out the door. He pulled up to the side of Remus’s apartment, looked at his complexion in the mirror, smoothed out his blazer, then got out of his car to meet Remus at his door.Remus opened it when Sirius knocked and a blush immediately overtook his face.“Aren’t you handsome” He complimented. He had asked Remus to wear black tie attire and that is what he did. The blazer accentuated his broad shoulders and Sirius wanted to climb him like a tree.“You don’t look too bad yourself.” Remus smirked and he pressed a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. “Now woo me.”When Sirius turned is car on, the radio wasn’t ‘broken’ and played music on a more socially accepted volume. Remus turned to him with a raised eyebrow, looking very unimpressed.Sirius had the audacity to look apologetic. “I fixed it?”“Sure, darling.” Remus chuckled.”Was it your goal that night to be the biggest arsehole?”If Remus only knew. “Maybe I wanted to test you.”“And I passed?”“With flying colours, baby.”He held Remus’s hand the whole drive until he pulled into the underground carpark that led to where he wanted to go.“Are we near the museum?” Remus asked.“It’s a surprise, Remmy.” Sirius said whimsically, making fake ghost noises. “You have no idea where we are and you’re about to be so wooed I have to pick you up princess style.”“I now have very high expectations.” Remus told him with a fond smile.“Good, you deserve only the best.”Feeling rather brave, Sirius took Remus’s hand once again and dragged him up the stairs that led to the entrance to their destination. Although Remus was correct that they were at the museum, Sirius had done something to surprise him.“Close your eyes.” Sirius whispered, not moving until Remus had his eyes clenched shut.“You’re not going to push me off a cliff, are you?”He snorted. “Dammit, you found out.”He then took both of Remus’s hands and led him slowly to the entrance of the museum.“Open your eyes.”Remus opened them slowly and let out a surprised gasp.Tomorrow was to be the grand opening for the new Fungi of all Shapes and Sizes exhibition that Sirius’s dear friend Benjy directed. He had called in a favour to give him and Remus a private showing of the exhibition before the public got to see it and Benjy thankfully approved.“Oh, Sirius.” Remus gasped, his eyes looking moist. “You truly have wooed me.”“Only for you.” Sirius smiled and it only widened when Remus pulled him in for a long kiss.“Come, let’s go inside before we freeze to death.”Their hands didn’t seperate as they strolled close together and looked at all the prototypes and models of fungi and mushrooms.“The wax cap.” Sirius muttered when he saw an illustration of it.Remus nodded as if in a daze. “The drawing is stunning.”To be honest, it was more of a Remus show than a fungi show in Sirius’s eyes as he listened intently as Remus spoke passionately about any kind of fungi he saw. Sirius didn’t even need to read the added information because Remus knew it all.“One more surprise for you.” Sirius told him as they finally got to the room he’d been waiting for.“There’s more?” Remus quaffed.“Just a little something, something to make this even more special.”They walked into the cafe part of the restaurant and Teddy and Harry came running towards from the table they had been sitting at. Marlene and Dorcas, were Remus’s friends who sometimes watched over Teddy, at at the table too and smiled widely when they came in.“Daddy!” Teddy screamed as he scrambled into Remus’s outstretched arms. “Did you like it, did you like it?”“I loved it, Teddy Bear.” Remus gushed, looking at Sirius with bright eyes. “I can’t believe you did all this.”“I’ve gotta show you I’m serious about this.” He shrugged like it wasn’t no big deal.“Aren’t you always Sirius?” joked Remus.Sirius burst into laughter and kissed Remus’s cheek then ruffled Teddy’s hair.“I brought this little munchkin along because I knew you two would’ve loved to have seen this together but I also wanted to see it with you so I compensated a little. If I want to date you, I’ve got to get on Teddy’s good side too.”“You want to date me?” Remus whispered.“Yeah,” Sirius smiled surely. “I really do. But before you say yes or anything, I have much more to show you.""Of course you do." chuckled Remus. He then looked at his son and back at Sirius.“How did you know Marlene and Dorcas were looking after Teddy tonight?” Remus frowned. “I don’t think I told you that.”“Let me stay a little bit mysterious.” He teased. He didn’t think Remus would like that it was because they had a mutual friend whom Sirius had a one night stand with.“And you stole your godson again.” Remus laughed as Sirius lent down to let Harry jump onto his back.“Yep! He wanted in on the fun.”“And we’re here to make sure you don’t shag against the artwork!” Marlene yelled from across the room.“Cockblocks!” Sirius yelled back.“Was a cockblock?” Teddy asked quietly.“An annoying person, that’s who.”When they put their boys down, Harry pointed at Teddy and shouted: “Cockblock!” As loud as he could before running away screaming when Teddy scampered after him.“Well, fuck.” Sirius cursed. “Lils already has my head for teaching Harry shit, fuck, piss off, and snog.”“He’ll be a very well spoken young man.” Remus laughed as he wrapped an arm around Sirius’s shoulders. “Perhaps you can rectify this by teaching him words like discombobulated or something.”“Nah, he’s a simple lad who likes words with one syllable.”“Fair enough.”Sirius pulled him towards the next room. “Theres one more thing I wanted to show you before the kids spoil it.”“Sirius, you have already exceeded my expectations.” Remus said fondly.“Prepare to be amazed… by this!”The room empty and pitch black. Remus looked around and although Sirius couldn't see his face in the dark, he imagined the man had raised an eyebrow.“You’ve knocked the words out of me.” Remus deadpanned.“Wait.” Sirius chuckled.A moment later the floor and walls were lit up with simulated images of a forest covered in mushrooms. Sirius stepped in the middle of the floor and, since it was touch sensitive, images of mushrooms shot out from where his feet were and made a stunning spinning pattern.“Woah.” Remus gasped.“Step anywhere, Remus.” Sirius urged. Remus stood on his right and the same mushroom pattern appeared. Harry and Teddy ran into the room and soon the whole floor was a swirl of prettiness.“You’re right.” Remus whispered as he stood closer to Sirius. “You have amazed me once again.”Sirius hummed. “I live to please."Remus kissed him then and stroked his cheek tenderly. “Date me?” He asked.“Bloody hell, of course I will.” He got out with a wide smirk and he kissed his new boyfriend harder.Sirius forgot he was in a room with laughing kids and Marlene and Dorcas while Remus had him wrapped in his arms. He forgot about the fake dates and the never ending lies to his brother because all that mattered was Remus.“Come home with me?” Remus begged.“The ladies won’t mind?”“Nah, they adore Teddy and I think they won’t mind minding Harry as well.”“Hmm, perfect.” They got back to Remus’s apartment and wasted no time groping each others clothes off. Once they were naked Remus, who didn’t look strong at all, picked him up methodically and snogged him all the way to his bedroom. He slammed Sirius onto the soft bed and climbed on top of him to resume their passionate kissing.Sirius had no problems with bottoming from the bottom but he wrapped his legs around Remus’s hips and used all his strength to switch their positions. Remus huffed in surprise when Sirius started rolling his hips directly onto his cock.“Those hips are- fuck.” Remus groaned, sitting upright to wrap his arms tightly around Sirius and pulled him closer.“Wanna ride you.” Sirius murmured as he shoved his tongue into Remus’s moaning lips. “Please, please.”"Fuck, you don’t need to say please, sweetheart.”Remus reached for the lube but Sirius shook his head when Remus went to tear open the condom wrapper.“I’ve been tested pretty regularly.” He told him. “If you’re clean too then I want to raw dog this.”Remus threw his head back in laughter. “You did not just call unprotected sex ‘raw dogging’.”“M’serious.” Sirius groaned, nipping at his neck. “I wanna feel you come.”“Fuck, yeah I’m clean.” Remus huffed.He opened the tube of lube, coated his fingers in it, then reached back to finger along Sirius’s crease.“Lift your hips for me.” Remus demanded softly which Sirius followed without hesitation.It had been exactly 24 hours since their last shag but this felt different. There was hope and commitment and the knowledge that they were boyfriends that made this all the more sweet. When Remus prodded his prostate, Sirius had to shove his head deep into the other mans shoulder so he didn’t start crying. Sirius hadn’t cried during sex since his first time.“Ready.” Remus grunted, shuffling Sirius’s hips so he was in the right position.As quickly as he could, Sirius braced himself on Remus’s chest and lowered himself down until he was comfortable as he could be with a massive dick up his arse. Remus pulled Sirius into another kiss as they shuffled and Sirius started rotating his hips.Unlike both of them, they didn’t go fast at all. They were so caught up in little kisses and running their hands all over their naked skin that finishing quickly didn’t seem important at all. Of course, after half an hour of edging and overstimulation with feelings of love and trust, Remus gruffed, grabbed Sirius by the hips so tight there might be bruises, flipped them around and finished off inside him with bruising thrust’s.“Finish, Sirius.” He demanded, wanking Sirius off in rapid procession.He finished mid snog and let Remus wipe the tears off his cheeks and kissed him three, four, five times.“I didn’t want to scare you off the first time but you are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.” Remus confessed.“That sounds a little gay, Rem.” giggled Sirius. The giggles turned into squeals when Remus attacked him with tickles.“Stop! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”“I always do that Teddy when he’s being a little shit.” said Remus.Sirius shrugged. “Tickles work, no matter the age.”Remus chuckled at that and stroked Sirius’s cheek fondly, playing gently with the stray black hairs.“You pulled out all the stops tonight.” He smirked.“Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.”“Sweet sweet Sirius wants to be my boyfriend.” Remus teased.“I’m using you for your dick, I hope you know that.” Sirius grumbled, feeling flushed.“You like me.” Remus sung teasingly.Sirius huffed and put his fingers very close together. “Only this much though.”Remus laughed softly and pulled Sirius into a hug. He closed his eyes and hugged his boyfriend back, falling into a nightmare-less dream. —— “Regulus!” Remus shouted. “Did you write down the wedding date!”Regulus tapped quickly on his laptop. “Yes, I wrote it down two months ago and now it’s in one weeks from today.”Remus came out of his office with his tie on crooked and his hair in a crazy mess. “Fuck, okay. I don't know how I missed that but I already have a suit but the theme is, what was it…?”“Springtime.” Regulus added, reading off the email. “They put the dress code in the email. Men should wear light beige, pastel of any colour, or summer floral suits. No black or ‘loud’ colours. She added that she booked an appointment for you for this afternoon, she wants to make sure all the groomsmen look their best. ”“Her fiancé would never have made up this theme.” Remus huffed. “Only my cousin would make up such a stupid colour theme.”“According to Vogue, it’s actually very popular this year.”“Seamus did write about weddings in March, I remember.” Remus tutted. “Okay, so add the appointment and call off the meeting with Jamison for… tomorrow. Teddy will need to get a suit as well…“Regulus nodded along and typed happily in the calendar. In his straightforward goal to wedge his way into Remus's heart he also placed the paper bag with a meat pie and packet tomato sauce on his desk. Knowing Remus, he was too busy working to stop and eat.Remus saw the bag and smiled at its contents. "How do you always know when I'm about to faint from starvation?"Regulus blushed at the compliment and looked at his computer screen shyly. "It's my jo-job to make sure you don't faint on us, Remus."The other man laughed at that and took the meat pie into his own office. "You truly do keep me alive, Regulus Black."Regulus had to excuse himself to use the bathroom so he could do a happy dance in the mirror. That interaction felt like flirting more than good old co-worker chatting and Regulus felt like he was getting close to finally dating the love of his life.He went back to his desk and let Remus work for a few more hours before Regulus saw the time.“We should probably leave for the fitting now if you don’t want to be late.” Regulus stammered. “Traffic and all that.”Remus ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Fuck, there’s so much to do.”“I can come with you to the fitting if you want?” Regulus asked. Remus had been so busy lately that he hadn’t had much time to have alone time. Plus, Regulus didn’t know if Remus had asked someone else to be his plus one for the wedding and after his performance as his assistant lately, he hoped he could score an invite.“Thanks, Regulus.” Remus sighed. “What would I do without you.”Regulus blushed at that and grinned in response. “Good thing you’ll never find out, let’s get going.”They got a taxi and headed straight for the fitting.Emmy, Remus’s favourite cousin, met them at the front of the building and pulled Remus into a bone crushing hug.“Thank you for coming to the fitting on such short notice.” She apologised. “I didn’t think doing the fittings months in advance would be smart cause men grow taller and wider all the time and nothing is worse than wearing a suit that’s too tight or too big, y’know what I mean?”“I just can’t believe you’re getting married.” Remus sighed. “And you’re going to be a Rodger.”“Rodger is going to be an awesome surname. And since my middle name is Ann, my initials will spell EAR.”Remus snorted out a laugh. “Only you would change your surname so your initials spell something stupid.”“Shut up.” Emmy snapped playfully. “You’re just jealous your initials are boring. Bloody RJL, that’s not even funny.”“Whatever, show me what you’ve got.”Emmy dragged Remus and Regulus to a rack full of suits in pretty pastel hues and put her hands on her hips.“Take your pick!”Remus looked distrustfully at the rack and raised and eyebrow at his cousin. “Is it just the groomsmen who wear these atrocious colours or are the guests wearing them too?”Emmy waved a hand. “My fiancé decided he wanted his groomsmen to wear white suites then he’ll be the only one in black and I have my white and black dress.”“Aww, like Aunty Gem.” Remus cooed. “I’m so glad you’re reusing your mums dress.”“Well, someone’s got to and it’s not going to be my brothers.”Remus looked over the pastel suits. “You wanted Teddy to be your ring bearer so what should he wear?”“Teddy could show up in his superman pyjamas and it wouldn’t ruin the day.” Emmy joked.“It’s actually Spiderman pyjamas.” Remus corrected. “Don’t say superman instead of Spiderman because he will get angry and educate you on the DC and Marvel universe more coherently than a three year old should.”“Noted.” Emmy laughed.Emmy then got Remus to try on a pure white suit that definitely needed adjusting. Regulus just sat there as the seamstress poked and prodded with the well defined suit that made Remus’s arse look so good.“You inviting anyone to the wedding?” Emmy asked the question Regulus had been biting down on asking.“Yeah.” Remus smiled. “I’ve started started seeing someone and I’m going to ask him to be my date tonight.”“You’re dating someone?” Regulus frowned. “I thought you were just…seeing other people, not dating?”Remus looked uncomfortably at the seamstress. “It kind of just happened. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I just didn’t want to hurt you, Regulus, I value your friendship a lot.”Regulus didn’t know what to do besides blink shockingly at the ground and beg himself not to cry. He knew Remus didn’t want to date him but by dating someone else while he knew Regulus had feelings for him was just cruel.“So who is he?” He asked. However, Remus was talking intently with Emmy and the seamstress about his suit and what Teddy should wear and Regulus knew whatever he said would just go over their heads.“You’re not jealous..” He whispered to himself. He just wanted to go home and cry about this with Sirius, his older brother always knew what to say. Unfortunately he came home to an empty apartment later that afternoon after Remus looked at the time and said he had a date planned with this ‘mystery man’. Sirius was probably off breaking woman’s hearts and feeling no remorse over it and so Regulus slumped into his room, locked the door and got out his wank box.

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It was a week later and the day of Emmy’s wedding.Remus had successfully asked Sirius to be his plus one. Only he did it after a fancy dinner and the best shag of his life when Sirius was high on lust. He was sneaky like that by asking when Sirius was drunk on orgasms and would’ve probably said yes to getting his leg amputated.So Sirius buttoned up his pastel blue suit that Remus picked out because it ‘made his eyes look more blue’ and put product in his hair that gave it sexy volume.“You look so good.” Sirius told himself in the mirror.He had a pale grey shirt on underneath with the same pastel blue tie that matched his suit. After doing intense research on himself he came to the conclusion that wearing jewellery was not poof behaviour because when he wore it, it looked good, not gay. So on top of his tie he put on sparkly silver jewellery that matched his look perfectly.Remus would love this. He told himself. And that was why he was going to this strangers wedding, because Remus was there and where Remus was, he followed like a blind dog.Before he left, he got a phone call from Regulus.“Hey, mate, I thought you were home.”“No, I’m at a gay club right now trying to work my magic.”Sirius frowned. “What the fuck are you doing at a club at three in the afternoon?”“Because the man I’m in love with is going to a wedding with someone else and the thought alone makes me want to vomit.” He sobbed into the phone.“Oh Reg.” Sirius sombered, feeling like the most horrid person in the world. “You need to move on from him, mate. If he doesn’t love you as you are now, he probably won’t love you ever.”“But I want him too.” Regulus sniffed.“I know you do, but that isn’t how love works.”They were silent for a moment when Regulus sniffed loudly again. “What are you doing at home anyway, shouldn’t you be at work.”“Nah, I’ve got a job soon.” He lied easily.Regulus let out a shaky breathe. “Why do you do it? Isn’t it exhausting?”“I’m good at it.” Sirius replied, like he always did. “I know I’m not what these girls need and that’s why this works.”“Dad was like that, before we left.” Regulus whispered.Sirius’s breathe caught and he shook his head. “What do you mean?”“Do you think the reason you’re so good at hurting people is because dad was? Mother was too.”“I could never do what they did to us.” Sirius scowled. “I’m not a child abuser. I don’t hit women or lock them up without any food for days on end.”Regulus huffed. “I’m not saying you are but drinking this early had me thinking that maybe we weren’t meant to love others like normal people because we weren’t raised normally. We aren’t like James and Lily, we have this incessant need to hurt or be hurt.”“That’s ridiculous.” Sirius snapped. “If you’re going to be an arsehole, I’ll leave you to your pathetic day drinking.”“See?” Regulus said. “I’m hurting your feelings so you’re trying to hurt mine. We should stop trying to be people we aren’t and just let our arseholeiness shine through because that’s all we seem to be good at-“Sirius ended the phone call with an angry grunt, threw it angrily onto his bed and went outside to get to the wedding on time. The church Remus’s cousin was getting married at was beautiful and grand. The guests stood out like a sore thumb with their summery attire compared to the black and white doom and gloom of London.Sirius looked around for Remus without looking at his surroundings when he turned and almost bumped into the very man he was trying to find.Remus smiled widely when he saw him and pulled him into his arms.“You look phenomenal.” He whispered, making Sirius grin in return.“You sweet talker.” Then he looked at Remus’s white suit and gasped. “You look inhumanely good in this tux.”“Thank you.” And he finished the compliment with a long kiss to his lips. Sirius took Remus’s hands to pull him even closer.“I know you hated this colour theme but I think it looks rather good.” Sirius noted, looking at all the outfits.Remus rolled his eyes. “Okay, I admit it’s rather pretty to look at.”A familiar man walked over to Remus and thumped him on the back. Remus turned around and pulled none other than Edmund, the biggest piece of shit, into a hug.Sirius felt his jaw drop to the floor as Edmund smiled at him, forcefully, wearing a black and white suit.“Sirius, meet my future cousin in law, Edmund. I think you two have similar jobs!” He smiled widely. “Edmund, I gotta find Teddy and Emmy, is it cool for you to watch Sirius so he doesn’t do anything naughty?”Edmund cackled at the joke and wrapped Sirius into a tight one sided hug. “I’ll look after him, Remus.”“Thanks.” Then he pressed a light kiss to Sirius’s lips and ran off.“Wait, Rem-“ Sirius called out but he was gone in a split second.“So, this is quite the coincidence.” Edmund joked.Sirius pulled away and glared at him. “Emmy is Emmeline?”“It isn’t a tough deduction to make, Sherlock Holmes.”“I should go with Remus.” Sirius scowled but Edmund pulled him back into a hug.“Calm down, buddy.” He started. “Breathe and adapt. Are we adapting?”“Sure we are.” Sirius spat.“You need to evolve with me.” Edmund whispered. “Because if one word gets out about our little arrangement and my club reputation, I’ll tell Remus that you’re even worse than me then crush your balls into butter and make you eat it.”He rolled his eyes. “Where the fuck do you get off?”“You keep quiet, I’ll keep quiet.” Edmund shrugged. “You like Remus, yeah? I saw the way you looked at him and if you keep me on your side I can make you family, and you want to be family. Em and Remus’s grandparents are hella rich and Remus is their favourite grandson, if you keep this secret and play the long game, we’ll both be rich men.”“I don’t need money, I’m not like that anymore.” Sirius started, not even knowing Remus was rich.“I know exactly what you’re like.” said Edmund, “Remus and his sweet little son are the ones who have no idea so stay on my good side, and we should have no problems.”“I hate you.” Sirius sneered.Edmund suddenly laughed loudly and clapped Sirius’s back hard. “You’re a funny one, Sirius.”An elderly couple came up to the men and Sirius realised why Edmund burst out laughing.“Oh Sirius, let me introduce you to Gem and Carl, Emmelines parents.” Edmund introduced.“Eddie, silly boy.” Gem giggled. “I thought we told you to call us mum and dad from now on.”“I will, I will.” Edmund laughed. “But here I would like to introduce Remus’s guy, Sirius Black.”“Oh you’re so handsome!” Gem gushed. “My sister, Hope, told me that Remus talks so much about you and you have baby Teddy wrapped around your thumb.”“Whatever you’ve heard it’s probably all lies.” He joked, feeling horribly tense.“Nonsense! I’ve always been quite worried about my nephew living in that apartment all alone without his baby mummy there to help raise Teddy but from what he’s told me, you’re a wonder to their household and it fills me with such joy he isn’t so alone anymore.”“Thank you, Gem.” Sirius grinned. He felt a tight feeling deep in his abdomen and chose to ignore it when out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus holding Teddy while pointing in his direction with Emmeline.He couldn’t hear them but Emmelines horrified expression was enough to know that she recognised him from that horrible date all those months ago. He felt dread flood his veins when she ran off and Remus frowned but followed behind.“Pardon me.” He muttered, hoping to catch them before Emmeline gives Remus a change of heart.Sirius went down the hallway they went down when he saw Teddy sitting on a seat in from a slightly opened door.“You okay there, Teddy?” He whispered, sitting next to him.“I’m th- the ring bearer.” Teddy said matter of factly. He wore a mini white suit but instead of a tie he had one of neck scarfs that were tied in the middle, like Sailor Moon.“You look very prepared for the job.” Sirius told him.“They haven’t given me the rings yet but when they do I’ll be really ready.”“I’ll be watching you, and your daddy will be up the front. If you’re nervous just look at him.”“I won’t be.” Teddy smiled.“You’re much more confident than me.” Sirius huffed.“Be like Spiderman.” He shrugged, then Teddy was off the seat and running down the hallway.Sirius grinned then heard the voices through the door get louder and as never someone to not clench his thirst for curiosity, he leaned against the wall and listened closely.“I can’t believe you brought bloody Satan incarnated to my wedding!” Emmeline shouted angrily.“He’s changed.” Remus tried.“No! He was the biggest arsehole and the most disgusting man I had ever had the displeasure of meeting and now he’ll be sitting at my table!”“He isn’t like that anymore.” Remus fought. “He was an arsehole to me too but now he’s kind, and Teddy loves him. He even took me on the most brilliant date last week-““That is no excuse-““I think I love him, Em.” Remus interrupted with a shout. Sirius’s heart rate accelerated and his eyes bulged out of his head, he took a slight step back. “I love him, I- I’ve fallen in love with him.”He didn’t hear anything after that and walked backwards until he was back outside to where Teddy was showing everyone the new yellow flower in his tux pocket.Suddenly, everything was too bright and the daze he had fallen into had him stumbling down the steps, almost crashing into some guests. Edmund was watching him from afar and raised his champaign glass patronisingly with the smuggest look on his face.Sirius almost forgot where he was and started to clench his fists at his coworker when Remus came out a moment later, without Emmeline, and headed straight for Sirius with a tired smile.“Hey.” He muttered as he pulled Sirius into a kiss. “Everyone’s so exhausted from the wedding planning.”Sirius hummed into the kiss, unclenched his fists and deciding not to mention what he had overheard. “I want to do well by you tonight.”“You will, you’re perfect just the way you are.” Remus nodded. “I’ll find you after the ceremony, okay? It’s about to start and I have to get ready to walk down the aisle.”“I’ll be waiting for you.” Sirius murmured into the kiss one last time before Remus had to pick Teddy up and go inside.The church bells started ringing to indicate the start of the wedding and as the guests flocked in, Sirius stood still and looked at the flower garden. He knew shit all about flowers but the small purple ones shook delicately in the wind until one petal flew off. Sirius watched it fly away before chastising himself and going inside.He walked purposefully to the bathroom and looked at himself dead in the eye in the mirror with hands braced on the sink. He splashed water on his face to help clear his head and sighed loudly.Remus was in love with him. Love.Like, when people are in love they want to get married and live together. If Remus loves him, he’d probably want to meet his brother, aka; his assistant and the one man Sirius can never tell about this relationship. Sirius didn’t grow up in a loving household where his parents physically expressed their love for each other with kisses and hand touches, but he knew that that would be how it would go with Remus.He recalled his phone call with Regulus and looked at himself deeply.His morals, ethics, and basic treatment of the opposite gender had never been respectable so to answer his most challenging question: Was he the man Remus needed?He never had been before, that’s why he got so much money from being the worse man alive. Could he really change that much in a span of a couple of months? If he told Remus he loved him too would the magic of their relationship wear off and leave Sirius wanting to return to his old slutty ways?Maybe this was one of those times, like in TV, where the man finally gets the girl only to realise he put all that effort in for nothing.Not that Remus was nothing. No. He was everythingHe thought of Mary and Emmeline and Christina and all the other women he had fucked over since uni and knew his answer.Regulus was right. He wasn’t made for love and he definitely wasn’t what Remus deserved.He pulled out his handy pack of fags and lit one to ease his thumping heart.After this intense analysis of himself, he decided he had two options.Leave the wedding unannounced and since Remus didn’t know where he lived or worked he could just ghost him until Remus eventually lost feelings.Or.2) He could go back to the wedding and show Remus just how much of an arsehole he really was so Remus immediately loses feelings and saves himself before Sirius inevitably hurts him even more.Since he was Sirius, his go big or go home metaphor took over and he ruffled his hair, unbuttoned his shirt some more and walked out of the bathroom with a fag in mouth.The wedding had already started and all the guests were sat down, waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle. Sirius sat two rows from the front and dropped his fag on the ground to step on it. The elderly couple next to him looked pissed and the old man glared.“You better pick up that cig, boy.” He threatened. “This is a church not a strip club.”Sirius scoffed at put the foot he squashed the cigarette with on his knee so the flat fag was visible. He smirked at the couple and gave the elderly lady a wink.“You can tell me, love, you haven’t had a good shag since this one traded his motorbike for a beige rover, haven’t ya?”The woman gasped and the man stood up with a raised fist.“You’re a real piece of shit, boy.”Sirius only smiled and patted the mans seat.“Sit down, grandpa, the wedding’s about to start.”The man sat down begrudgingly as a melodic rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley started playing and two adorable flower girls walked happily down the aisle, throwing white and yellow flower petals on the ground. The sight was so cute than not even Sirius’s black heart could refuse a smile.Following was the bridesmaids and groomsmen. One bridesmaid was stunning in a silky pastel pink dress and as she past where Sirius was sitting, he leaned in to the man on his other side who was around his age and said:“Bet you she slept with the groom at least once.”The man scoffed and eyed Sirius warily.Sirius was about to tease him again when Remus came down the aisle with a blonde girl linked in his arms. He looked absolutely ravishing in his pure white suit and Sirius found he couldn’t bad mouth that man no matter how hard he tried. Remus stood with the other groomsmen at the top of the aisle and made eye contact with Sirius. Sirius returned Remus’s soft grin and sent a wink his way.Slowly, the bridesmaids and groomsmen made it down the aisle and the music changed to the classical here comes the bride anthem. The audience rose as Emmeline walked confidently with her father, gazing at Edmund with more love than he deserves.Sirius spaced out the rest of the ceremony, only looking at Remus and cooing with the rest if the crowd when Teddy walked carefully with the rings. His ice cold chest stuttered when Remus took Teddy’s tiny hand in his and Teddy waved happily when he saw Sirius in the crowd.The priest told the now wedded couple to kiss and Sirius scoffed loudly enough to get pissed off glances from the guests around him.Sirius shrugged and made a face. “What? There are kids around and they’re kissing like they’re about to fuck on the stage.”“Watch your mouth, boy.” The old man growled, gripping Sirius’s blazer. “How about I take you outside to learn a thing or two about manners.”Grinning, Sirius gripped the mans blazer and pressed his lips right to the mans ear. “Or how about you go kill yourself, you’re looking way past your used by date anyway.”The man looked at Sirius in shock but Sirius pulled away as guests cleared the hall to enjoy their meal. Sirius slapped the mans cheek as a goodbye and straightened his blazer.“See you in there, grandpa.” The dining hall was filled with white clothed circular tables that surrounded the bridal table in the centre of the room. Sirius had hoped for Remus’s sake that he didn’t have to sit at the bridals table but unfortunately nothing wanted to go his way.Well, more chance to prove how much of an arsehole I can be. He thought happily.Sirius strolled into the dining hall to find Teddy talking in great detail to both of the flower girls at the kids table and decided to sit down in the empty seat. There were about eight children under the age of twelve to torment.“Heya, kids.” Sirius grinned.“Sirius!” Teddy beamed, flinging himself onto Sirius’s lap. “Is dinner ready yet?”“Unfortunately not,” Sirius sighed. “But that gives us heaps of time to teach you kids some life lessons.”“We don’t need life lessons from you.” A boy snapped, eyeing Sirius distrustfully.“Shut up, fatso.” Sirius snapped back.Teddy laughed at that and poked his tongue out at the boy. “Yeah, shut up, fatso.”“That’s not very nice.” One of there flower girls said with a frown. “My mum says commenting on someones body is bad.”“Well your mum is ugly and her breath probably smells bad.” Sirius responded. “See kids, parents will tell you not to bully people because they want you to get bullied. Put your hand up if you’ve ever been bullied at school before?”All the kids put their hands up, including Teddy.“If a kid ever bullies you, don’t snitch on them to a teacher or your parents, okay?” Sirius told them. “That’ll just aggravate the bully and they’ll start saying ‘snitches get stitches’ then bully you even more. What you’ve gotta do is hit them where it hurts. Aim for the throat, the crotch or their eyes.”“You want us to punch them?” Another girl asks curiously.“Yes!” smiles Sirius. “Violence is always the answer to every bully. They don’t care about words or anything an authority figure has to say, show them you’re better than them with a fist to the neck.”“I don’t know how to punch.” Teddy frowns.Sirius lightly gestures Teddy off his lap so he can give them a demonstration.“Hold your fist like this, no, darling, thumb on the outside, good, then rear your arm back and put as much force as you can gather into that fist to hit your opponent as hard as possible.”The kids were all standing and Sirius stood up happily as they punched each other as practice.“Are you sure daddy will like this?” Teddy asked with a frown.Sirius got down to his eye level. “What your daddy doesn’t know won’t hurt him, how about we keep this as a secret, hmm?”Teddy giggled at that and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s neck. “I love having secrets with you.”Sirius felt his chest constrict and patted Teddy on the back. “Me too, buddy.” After leaving the kids to cause havoc, Sirius found himself at the priest table where the religious man was talking pleasantly to another man wearing a kippah.“Oh fuck yes.” Sirius muttered to himself as he sauntered over to the table with a lit cigarette between his lips.“You alright, gentlemen?” He started, wrapping an arm around both men and blowing smoke consciously in both their faces.“It’s a great day, son,” the priest responded, plucking the cigarette out of Sirius’s mouth, “and it’d be better if you didn’t smoke in the church.”“But I’m allowed to smoke in the synagogue, right?” Sirius asked the Jewish man.“No.” The man looked affronted.Sirius could tell the table was not impressed with him so he waved a hand. “Whatever, I came over here with a joke to tell you, I think it’ll make you gentlemen chuckle.”“I’m always up for a joke.” The priest grinned.Sirius grinned a dangerous grin. “Okay so a priest and a rabbi are at a wedding, I know, coincidence.” Everyone at the table laughed and Sirius continued. “And they see a small boy bending over to tie his shoe, and the priest says to the Rabbi, ‘God, I’d really love to screw that kid’, then the Rabbi says ‘Out of what?’”The table was silent and Sirius was laughing to himself as they stared at him in disgust.“Get it?” Sirius continues. “Cause the boy is bending over, like this.” Then Sirius moves so his arse is practically in their faces. He turns around to see them glaring at him and smiles in return.“Isn’t it funny?”Without hearing the tables protests, Sirius pretends to hear someone calling his name and kisses the Rabbi on the top of his head.“Later, child-fuckers.” Sirius soon found himself sitting with four teenagers who were all engaged with their phones at the back of the room.He tilted his head to snoop over the boy on his rights shoulder to see him looking at pictures of girls dressed in French maid costumes short enough you can see up their skirts.Sirius grabbed the dudes phone and continued scrolling.The boy shouted and tried to grab for his phone but Sirius was taller and held the device above his head.“Give it back!” The boy shouted, looking absolutely horrified as Sirius kept on scrolling. “That’s private.”“Hmm, I can see that.’ Sirius chuckled, stopping at an even raunchier picture. “Ooo, I think I saw a pic like this in Playboy. Would you like my old magazines? They might be a little… dirty, but you’re a teenager.”The boy scoffed and reached for his phone again with no avail. “I don’t want your wank trash, I want my phone back.”“And I want world peace but we don’t always get everything we want.”“Give it back!”Sirius kept on scrolling and stopped on another picture of a nude brunette. Smiling wickedly, Sirius showed the picture to the girl on his left with the same hair colour.“Think he’d get off to this thinking it was you?” He teased, pointing to the horrified teenaged boy, watching as the girl turned bright red and looked at Sirius with wide eyes.“That’s my brother!”Sirius made a shocked face and threw the phone back to the boy. “Oops, I should hope you don’t wank off to your sister.” It was finally dinner time and the waitstaff asked the wedding guests to take their seats and wait to be served.Sirius sat next to Remus at the bridal table and held his hand under the table.“You doing okay?” Remus asked quietly. “I saw you making your way around the room.”“Just making friends.” Sirius grinned, taking a huge sip out of his flask.Remus frowned at him. “What do I smell?”“Whiskey.”“You know there’s an open bar? You don’t need to sneak drinks in.” Remus joked.Sirius pressed a kiss to the mans cheek. “You’re right, it’s much more dignified if I pour my flask into a glass.”Remus only laughed and kissed Sirius again. Sirius had made use of the open bar and drank more than was socially acceptable. He needed too, so he could do the final act to his arsehole performance of arseholery.It was the couples first dance and Emmeline and Edmund spun around to a wordless melody while the wedding guests circled them like two lions in a cage.It was disgusting.Sirius clumsily picked up an unattended champaign glass from an empty table and gulped the rest of the liquid down before stammering towards the circle.“What’re we doing here?” Sirius asked loudly. Bumping into the newly weds.Edmund took most of the weight of Sirius’s bump and pushed him away sharply.“What game are you playing here, Black?” He asked with fake friendliness. “If you ruin my perfect day I’ll ruin your face.”“I just think Emmeline can do so much better.” Sirius garbled, reaching out towards Emmeline with grabby hands. “Choose me, Emmeline! I promise to shag you better than Edmund ever could.”“What the fuck-“ Emmeline started.“Sirius, how about you go outside and take a moment?” Edmund offered harshly, pushing him out of the circle.“How about you give me back the love of my life!” Sirius shouted back.The crowd gasped at the confession and Edmund and Emmeline looked just as shocked. Sirius was playing them like a fiddle.Out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus rushing towards him but Sirius just swallowed and went back to his performance.“I know you didn’t like our first date, Em-““Like?” Emmeline scoffed. “You were disgusting! You were so fowl I realised that I really do love Edmund, no matter his flaws.”“Then will you love me for all my flaws?” Sirius begged, dropping down to his knees.”“Please, oh please, Emmy, divorce your ugly husband and choose me instead? Am I not the most awesome sauce man you can get?”Edmund tried to pull Sirius up off his knees but Sirius wasn’t being any help and crawled on all fours towards a very confused Emmeline. He knew Remus was probably watching and put on his best act.Sirius gripped the front of Emmelines white dress, still on his knees, and pretended to sob. “I love you Emmeline, I’ve loved you all this time so please, please, please take me back. I’m sorry I offended you on our first date but that wasn’t me, please-“Then, as he planned, Sirius gagged and vomited all over Emmeline’s dress.

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The whole room stilled as Sirius continued to vomit up everything he had eaten and drunk that day, making sure every last drop got on the expensive fabric of Emmelines beautiful dress.Emmeline let out a scream and wrenched her gown out of Sirius’s hand, running to cry into Edmunds arms, who was looking down at Sirius like one would look at the dog shit on the bottom of their boots.Arms lifted Sirius up a forcibly carried him out of the dining hall. Sirius didn’t see who it was until he opened his eyes to see an incredibly angry Remus Lupin staring down at him.Sirius stood up straighter and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair.“Look-““Don’t.” Remus interrupted, he was looking at Sirius like he was an entirely different person. “Don’t even think that anything you have to say could justify whatever the fuck it was you did in there.”Sirius was about to say something but Remus got there first.“What even was that, Sirius?” Remus frowned, throwing a hand at the church. “You said you wanted to do well by me but then you fucking vomit on my cousins dress?! I’ve had people come up to me all night saying that you’ve said and done some disgusting things to them, which I tried to justify, then Teddy tells me you were teaching the kids table how to throw a punch!”“It’s a good thing to know.” Sirius shrugged.“STOP LYING TO ME!” Remus snaps.Sirius sighed. “What do you want me to say, Remus?”Remus runs a tired hand down his face. “You- did you mean what you were saying to Emmeline? Have you been in love with her the whole time?’Sirius stopped to think about this. If he told Remus yes, then it’d break Remus’s heart, but at least he’d get away from Sirius. If he told Remus the truth, then Remus would hate him either way because he embarrassed himself in front of his entire family.There was only one right answer.Sirius nodded his head in confirmation.Remus let out a shaken breath and Sirius hate himself for Remus’s wobbly bottom lip and his gorgeous amber eyes glistening with unshed tears.“Why would you pretend to care if-“But Remus never got to finish his sentence because Regulus stumbled around the corner carrying a bouquet of white and blue flowers with his usually impeccably neat shirt buttoned the wrong way and his hair a messy mop on his head.“Remus!” Regulus shouts, running towards them. “I have a confession to make!”“Oh, fuck me.” Sirius cursed.Remus looked properly taken aback and looked at Regulus like he came out of nowhere, which he technically did.“Regulus, now isn’t the time-”“Well, I have something to say.”“Reg, you’re making a fool of yourself, go home before you get fucking fired.” Sirius snapped, standing in between Remus and his brother, who only just noticed Sirius was there.“Sirius?” Regulus frowned, looking between Remus and Sirius. “Wha- you said you were on a job?”“I am.” Sirius said, feeling Remus look at him in confusion.Regulus took a step back and dropped the bouquet. “It’s you, you’re the guy Remus has replaced me with?!”“It isn’t like that, Reggie.” Sirius tried. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”“Wait? You two know each other?” Remus asked.“We’re brothers.” Regulus snapped, glaring daggers at Sirius. “Or we’re supposed to be.”Sirius tried to reach for Regulus. “Come on, Reg, it’s not that serious, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”“It wasn’t serious?” Remus repeated, making Sirius turn back from how broken his voice was. Sirius wished he didn’t turn around, Remus was looking at him so hurt that Sirius couldn’t help but tear up too.“I should’ve known you’d do this.” Regulus hissed, forcing Sirius to look at him again. “You just had to fuck with the man I’m in love with. You have the whole of London to choose from and you chose my boss!”“This has nothing to do with you.” muttered Sirius.“You knew how I felt about him, Siri, but you manipulated him anyway!” Regulus screamed, tears streaming down his face. “You just had to pick the man I’m in love with, didn’t you? As if everyone isn’t already in love with you, you wanted to see if men could fall for you too-““Be quiet, Reg, I didn’t do this to hurt you.” Sirius started.“Don’t fucking tell me to be quiet! I’m going to tell the whole world that I asked Sirius to take you,” he said to Remus, “out on the worst date of your life so you could realise that there are better guys out there than this arsehole, then accept my offers to date you. Obviously it didn’t fucking work but just so you know, it’s literally Sirius’s job to be an arsehole, people pay him to do it.” Regulus was breathing hard after his confession and swallowed at the horrible glare Sirius was throwing his way. “I trusted Sirius to help you feel for me what I feel for you, but Sirius must’ve loved playing you so much that he didn’t stop.”“Shut up, Reg.” Sirius snapped.“He’s never dated anyone before, you know.” Regulus continued, looking between Remus and Sirius, “And while you were gushing to me about him, Remus, Sirius was doing jobs left and right. I’ve seen him in action, first he acts like you’re the most interesting person in the world, makes you feel like you’re sexy and different and wonderful when to him, you’re all just one pile of fucks-““Shut up, Regulus!” yelled Sirius, pushing his brother in an attempt to shut him up. “You’re angry, you have no idea what you’re yapping on about so just shut up!”Regulus pushes him back. “I know exactly who you are, Sirius, I’m just warning Remus before he gets dragged any deeper into your deception.”Sirius turns around to see Remus looking between the brothers like they were aliens, his face was pale and stricken, unsure.“I’ve already pushed him away, Reg, you just made it easier for him to move on from me.” Then he patted Regulus on the arm and left the churchyard, not looking back.

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Teddy Lupin thought of himself as a three year old who knew quite a lot.He could decipher pictures in the books his daddy bought him. He knew that £1 could buy him whatever Chupa Chup flavour he wanted. He knew that if his clothes smelled bad then he was allowed to put them in the washing basket. He knew that going to bed with wet hair usually made getting ready the next morning a pain for both him and his daddy. He brushed his teeth every morning and every night and if his daddy put that white creamy stuff on his face then Teddy was allowed to put some on his face too.Most importantly, Teddy knew when his daddy was going through something.It didn’t take an expert, of course, if the fact that his daddy slept with his door shut then came out of it in his four day old pyjamas with eyes red and wet.Teddy thought he was sick at first but even when his daddy was sick, he still smiled lots and made Teddy heart shaped pancakes on Sunday mornings with his Yellow Submarine vinyl playing in the background.No, this was worse than daddy being sick. This was new territory Teddy had never seen before and it scared him.His daddy still made him fun dinners and gave him heaps of hugs and kisses. He still read Teddy bedtime stories and sang bedtime songs that always put Teddy to sleep but there was something else going on.Teddy was awfully proud of himself for figuring out it might have to do with Sirius who had stopped coming over and taking his daddy out on fun playdates. If that was the case then Teddy was also sad about it, Teddy had liked Sirius, he was cool and when Sirius came over, so did Harry.“Daddy?” Teddy called out. It was past his bedtime and his daddy had put him to bed an hour ago but Teddy was still wide awake and needed hugs.“Daddy?” He called again, banging on his daddy’s bedroom door that was shut tight. Teddy tried to reach the doorknob to open it but his arms were an inch too short.“Daddy! Open the door!” He tried again, louder this time.After many more tries, Teddy let his emotions get the better of him. Thoughts of something being in the dark hallway that now looked even darker after he’d been outside his daddy’s door for ages stampeded his mind and he started to wail, hitting the door as hard as he could.“Daddy! Let me in, I’m scared!” He screamed, banging on the door with all his might until the door burst open and Teddy clutched onto his daddy’s legs helplessly, wedging his face as hard as he could into the soft cotton of his sleep pants.He sobbed as his daddy cooed and picked him up, running his warm large hand over his back and into his hair, pressing Teddy’s face safely into his neck.“I’ve got you, my love.” His daddy whispered as Teddy’s sobs turned into quiet whimpers. “No need to be scared, I’ve got you.”Teddy couldn’t help but cry again, wrapping his arms as tightly as he could around his daddy’s neck as his daddy protected him against the big scary world.“Wanna sleep with me tonight?” His daddy asked.Teddy nodded. “Yes, please.”Daddy’s bed was the best bed, Teddy had always thought. It was much bigger than his own, and without any barriers on the side! It smelled just like his daddy and Teddy always found himself sleeping much better tucked in his daddy’s arms.“What got you so scared tonight, baby?” Daddy asked kindly, running a soothing hand through Teddy’s hair.Teddy shrugged, suddenly embarrassed about his reasoning. “I missed you.”“Oh, baby, you know I’m always right down the hall.” His daddy whispered. “And you’ve been doing so well sleeping by yourself.”“But-“ Teddy teared up. “You’ve been different, and-“ he didn’t have the words to say what he wanted so he huffed instead and dug his face deeper into his daddy’s chest.His daddy sighed at that and pressed a long kiss to Teddy’s head.“I’m sorry I’ve been different, I just have a lot going on.”“I can help!” Teddy perked up.His daddy chuckled and kissed Teddy again on the forehead. “Thank you, baby, but I fear I have to deal with this on my own.”“But you’re so sad.” Teddy frowned. “Sad people can’t fix things.”“I wish I wasn’t sad, my love.” His daddy sighed. “But someone special to me has hurt my feelings and now I’ve got to deal with it.”“Was it Sirius?”His daddy took a deep breath and sniffled a little. “Yeah, it was.”“I miss him.” Teddy confessed. “And Harry.”“I miss him too.” Remus confessed back.They were silent for a moment when Teddy had an idea.“Then have another playdate!” Teddy offered.'Unfortunately, a playdate won’t fix this.”“Oh.” Teddy frowned. If a playdate won’t fix it then nothing will. “Can me and Harry still be friends?”“Harry and I.” His daddy chastised gently.“Can Harry and I still be friends?”His daddy chuckled. “Yeah, baby, I’m sure you can be.”“Good.”Teddy smiled now, at least he still had Harry.“But if I can still be friends with Harry, why can’t you and Sirius?”He didn’t answer for a moment. “I don’t know, Teddy, when someone really hurts your feelings it can be hard to forgive them.”“But mummy hurt my feelings and I forgive her.”“You’re stronger than I am.” He sighed.Teddy jerked his head up and tipped it sideways, like he did when he was confused. “That’s just rubbish, daddy.”“Language.” His daddy chastised, but Teddy could hear the smile in his voice.“You’re bigger than I am, how can I be stronger?” Teddy said seriously. “I can’t lift the firetruck but you can.”His daddy chuckled. “The firetruck is pretty heavy.”“It’s really heavy.”The pair sat in silence with Teddy trying to think of another way to solve his daddy’s problems. Sadly, his mind came up blank and his eyes shut with a heaviness no amount of excitement could make go away.Teddy tucked his head tight into his daddy’s arm and gripped his daddy’s sleep shirt. He tried to stay awake so he wouldn’t miss anything but when his daddy played with his hair and quietly sung his favourite bedtime melody, there was nothing Teddy could do but fall into the land of dreams.