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Daryl had been acting off.
Really off.
Rick had a god given ability to read people, which aided him in his duties as a cop. Daryl had always been closed off, but this was different.
He felt jumpier, more skittish. Daryl was not skittish. Rick noticed that the man hardly ever flinched for whatever reason, presumably due to some closed off chapter of his past. However, Daryl had begun to flinch more often, mostly after someone called him out by name. Rick wanted nothing less than the best for his people, so he needed to get to the bottom of whatever deep dark sinkhole this was coming from.
He had always wondered if Daryl was gay.
It wasn’t too outlandish of an assumption.
He remembered a talk he and a few others had about their lives before.
“Glenn,” began Maggie, “you have a girl before?”
The man turned visibly red, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Uh, no. I have at some point, but immediately before I was alone.”
“Sounds sad.” She smiled. He chuckled, and turned his attention towards Daryl.
“What about you man? You ever have a girl?”
Daryl looked clearly uncomfortable with the question, and began to pick at his nails more aggressively.
“Nah. Never was the type for that kinda stuff. Romance and all that shit.”
“Seriously? Not even a fling or nothin’?” Asked Maggie.
“No. Why’s that so hard to believe?”
“No boyfriends?” She joked.
Daryl blushed, and grunted out a ‘fuck off’ before running away.
Maggie chuckled and went back to collecting eggs.
Rick would see Daryl trudge out into the forest at random intervals, never telling anyone his whereabouts. He ached to follow him, but did he even want to know? Although Daryl was family, there was an entire side to the hunter that Rick would never understand. He hated to see his friends suffer, so something needed to change. For everyone’s sake.
“Daryl.” Rick called out as the man attempted to leave. He harshly turned around, visibly unsettled at someone noticing his departure.
“What?” He grunted.
“Where are you headed off to?” He inquired.
“Ya’ know. Huntin’ and such. Why?”
“Can I come? You’re always leaving on your own, thought you might want some company.”
Daryl turned over the offer in his head, before slowly nodding and continuing to venture into the thick forest.
The two men walked side by side, Rick quickly catching up to Daryl. Weapons in hand, their eyes scanned the forest floor, hoping to find something of interest. Daryl picked off a few squirrels along the way, tying them up and slinging them over his shoulder. Rick was less successful in his ventures, mainly focusing on the ideal time to bring up his concerns.
“Daryl, can we talk please?”
Daryl stopped in his tracks, gears turning in his head.
“Bout what?” He answered finally.
“You seem off. Something’s wrong. And don’t even try to lie, cause I can tell clear as day. Please just talk to me brother. I want the best for y’all, and you’re no exception. I don’t care if you believe me.”
Daryl paused, and considered Rick’s words. He was right about something being wrong, but this was anything but recent.
How the fuck was he supposed to explain this?
Daryl avoided eye contact, looking down at his finger tips he had chewed raw. He had developed the nervous habit as a kid. He kicked a few rocks on the ground, and rolled them against the sole of his boot. Eventually, he looked up and met Rick’s concerned glance, his blue eyes piercing through Daryl’s skull.
“I’ve felt this way since I was a kid.” He began. “I’ve never known what it meant. Felt like there was a screw loose or somethin’. Only difference is I know to hide it now. How fucked is that? That I don’t even know what it means, but I already have the sense to hide it?” He looked at the ground again. Rick could tell tears were coming. “I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s stupid.”
Rick smiled at him, and left a gentle palm on his shoulder. “That’s fine. Explain it the best you can.” He sat on a nearby log, dusting himself off. “I’m all ears. You tell me when to talk.”
Daryl took a deep breath.
“I don’t-I’ve never, fuck. Sorry.” His eyes were completely welled up now. “Ya’ know how we call women different things? Like how we call ‘em ‘she’ and shit?”
“Yeah?” Questioned Rick.
“I-I want you to do that for me. Call me that.
“Okay.”
“And call me a different name.”
“Okay.”
Daryl looked up at him, confused.
“You don’t care?”
Rick shook his head, “Of course I care. But not in a bad way. You can call yourself whatever you damn well please, that’s none of my business. What matters is that you’re safe. That’s it.”
Daryl’s cheeks were soaked with tears as she sat next to the man.
“Thank you.” She whispered, frantically wiping her face.
Rick leaned into the hunter, and gave her a suffocating hug. Daryl reciprocated the gesture, seemingly in shock. When she realized what she was doing, she pushed Rick back and rested her elbows on her knees.
“I do have some questions though.”
“Sure.”
“What name would you like me to call you?”
“Can you call me Natalie?”
“Of course. That’s a nice name.” He praised the hunter.
“Thanks. Picked it ma’self.” Rick chuckled at that.
“Who else knows about this?”
“Only Glenn. But he doesn’t know about the whole name stuff. He kinda found out on accident though.”
Rick nodded, and patted her on the back.
“Thanks for trusting me with that. I know that was hard.” She nodded, and smiled for the first time in seemingly ages.
“Can you still call me the normal stuff in front of the rest of ‘em? I’m not ready for that yet.”
“Sure. May I ask, what do you plan on doing about this?”
“Honestly I dunno. I’ll figure all that shit out with time.”
“Okay. We good?”
“Never better.”
They packed up their gear, and began to walk back to the prison. Natalie beamed beside her best friend, a weight lifted off her shoulders.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had been a few weeks since she told Rick.
He used her preferred name when they were alone with such ease that it made her question everything. After hiding something like that for so long, she didn’t know how to react when someone was okay with it. It felt like all her suffering was for nothing.
Rick started to call her ‘Nat’, and she couldn’t help but smile whenever she heard it. It felt so nice to hear her name out loud, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.
The man was also excellent at switching back and forth, respecting her wishes and referring to her incorrectly in front of others.
She wanted to tell the rest of them so badly, but how could she? Telling Rick was the hardest thing she had ever done, imagine telling a whole group of people. The thought petrified her.
She was sitting in her cell, hands running through her grimy brown hair. The only perk of the world ending, was that she could grow it out, and no one would bat an eye. She dreamed about braiding it and wearing it in ponytails, but right now wearing it down would have to do. It wasn’t suspicious to grow it out, but it was definitely suspicious to twirl it and style it so femininely.
It was even harder for her to hide herself now that she had told Rick. It felt real now. Now that someone knew, it was no longer her secret, it was a bird waiting to be let out of its cage. Rick would never pressure her to tell anyone, but he definitely expected her to.
And she wanted to. So fucking badly.
However, every time she mustered up the courage to say it out loud, she would deflate. It was hopeless.
Before she could raise her hand to her mouth and gnaw on her fingertips, Carol entered the cell.
“Hey pookie.” He said, a gentle smile adorning her face. Natalie nodded in response, eyes glued to the floor.
“Something’s up. I can smell it.” Said Carol, resting a hand on Natalie’s shoulder as she sat beside her.
“Nothin’.” She lied. “Jus’ tired is all.”
“Tired?” Laughed Carol. “I doubt it. You’ve been moping around this place for months thinking I won’t notice? Give me a break.”
She sighed, finally meeting Carols concerned gaze.
“You’re right,” she whispered, “I haven’t been myself lately. But have I ever been myself?”
“What do you mean sweetie? Please just talk to me.”
She paused.
“My name is Natalie. I’m a woman.”
“Wow.” Said Carol.
“What? Shocked?”
“No. Relived.”
What the hell?
“What do you mean relieved?”
“I thought you were sick! Or that you were suicidal. Mostly the latter.”
Natalie chuckled and ducked her head.
“Seriously? That’s it?”
“Well, yeah? What else do you want me to say? I’m happy you told me, Natalie.”
“I don’t know. I was expecting a little more after telling you I was-uh. You know.”
“You don’t have to say it. I know. I’m proud of you.” She grabbed Natalie’s hand and squeezed gently. “Who else knows?”
“Rick and Glenn.”
“I’m assuming you still want me to call you Daryl in front of everyone else?”
She nodded solemnly.
“Thanks for sharing. I appreciate that you trust me with this.”
Carol leaned in, and hugged her tightly.
Natalie took a deep breath into her and smiled.
Release
.