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They met for the first time at Lily’s housewarming. James had forced Sirius to go to in an attempt to show Lily that he had cool artsy friends. Sirius was already pleasantly tipsy when Remus tripped into the kitchen, Lily close on his heels. Remus pulled out an absolutely smashed iPhone 8 and a spray painted Altoids tin that he promptly flipped open and dumped onto Lily’s formica counters. Remus was wearing a dingy white shirt with a giant coffee stain and the ugliest pants Sirius had ever been cursed with seeing. His pants were just short enough Sirius could tell that he was inexplicably wearing one single red sock, his other ankle bone bare under the fraying hem. His shoes seemed to be held together by what appeared to be electrical tape and sheer force of will.The first thing Sirius noticed about Remus was how his eyes crinkled up over an easy smile. The second thing he noticed was Remus’s hands. Sirius stared over James’ shoulder as Remus rolled a perfect joint while he chatted with Lily. Remus had broad palms and long fingers, surprisingly verily forearms that seemed honestly out of place on his otherwise skinny frame. Remus barked a loud laugh at a bad joke from Lily and Sirius was enchanted.James was too busy not walking right up to Lily to profess his love to notice Sirius’s mouth drop open when Remus lit up in the kitchen. Remus did though. Remus had been staring right back. Sirius cut a striking figure in the kitchen. Tall and wiry with dark hair pulled back, a few escaped wisps curling around pierced ears. To be clear, Sirius was probably the most beautiful man Remus had ever seen. Remus caught his eyes across the kitchen and smiled with a single dimple, eyebrows raised like he couldn’t believe he was at the same party as someone who looked like that. Somehow this ended up with them alone sitting together on the grass in the backyard watching the party through the kitchen window. Remus held the joint lightly between two fingers as he held it up to Sirius’s mouth. Sirius inhaled too fast, coughing as his face flushed red.Remus looked over at a blushing Sirius under hooded lids and twisted until the two of them were face to face. Bringing the joint to his own mouth he inhaled deeply before leaning forward to put one hand on Sirius’s face. Remus’s hand was huge on the curve of Sirius’s jaw as he brought their lips to barely touching, hot smoke heavy between them. Sirius inhaled softly and pressed forward until their foreheads touched. Remus froze, starry eyed, pinned under Sirius’s warm gaze. It had been Sirius who leaned forward again, bring their mouths together in a tentative kiss. It started soft and sweet until Remus slipped some tongue and everything narrowed down to the languid slide of their mouths together. They startled apart when the porch door slammed open with a whooping cheer from Lily and an incredulous ‘what the fuck do you even smoke’ from James. They still ended up missing the rest of the party, glued to each other’s side in the yard, high and giggling into each other’s mouths between kisses. //The party marking their official anniversary happened some fifteen months ago and they’re stoned together again. Remus rolled a joint earlier, fingers fast and deft. They lazily passed it back and forth in Remus’s side yard. Sirius presented his playlist of the week. They sat criss-cross in the grass, shoulder to shoulder listening until the sun sank below the horizon and the bugs started coming out. Now they’re sitting in Remus’s bed, Sirius cradled between Remus’s legs, back to chest, sun-mellow and hazy-eyed. Sirius is playing with the fraying edges of a confusing slash in the thigh of Remus’s pants, fingers pulling at the loose handing threads, warm on Remus’s leg where it’s surprisingly bare.They’re watching a docuseries about the ocean. There are huge silver-blue fish swirling across the screen, David Attenborough is droning in the background. Remus snorts a little, voice gravelly, “Did you know fish have their own THC?” “Wait fish can get high?” Sirius thinks it would be so wonderful if the fish could feel like this. “No no,” Remus is laughing under his breath, “they have thermohaline circulation, you know like how the whole ocean moves, THC.” Sirius snorts, tilts his head back to fall on the top of Remus’s shoulder to press a kiss under his ear, and snuggles down back further into his chest. “Shhh, watch, you’ll miss the part about sardine schooling.” Remus just nods in response and looks to the next joint they’re sharing in his hand. He takes a drag and holds it for a beat, feels it tingle in his chest and then holds it in front of Sirius. He leans forward, lips meeting the edges of Remus’s fingers on the filter to take a puff of his own. Remus slides his other hand from where it’s been resting on Sirius’s hip up, slipping it under his shirt to rest on the warm skin of his belly. He pets his fingers over the dark hair running down from Sirius’s navel, softer than his own, long enough to gently twirl between his fingers.Remus lets himself settle into the moment. He’s comfortable, Sirius a solid line against his front. Their hands gentle on each other while they smoke as the series flips from the open ocean to the deep sea, sun finally setting fully behind the windows. The light in the room is soft and low, a large lamp, shade covered in a red scarf making it feel extra warm. For someone who only owns two shirts without rips or stains, Remus has extremely strong opinions about ambient lighting.David Attenborough is talking about some sort of fish with a clear forehead as Remus stubs out the j into a handmade ashtray on his bedside table. He feels heady when he finally gets two hands on Sirius. He rucks Sirius’s shirt up a little higher so he can put one hand over his heart, the other still resting just below his belly button. He lets his pinky sweep down, pushing under the waistband of Sirius’s boxers, rubs it gentle back and forth over his happy trail while he holds him. Sirius hums, quiet and pleased, limbs loose. He tilts his head back again, lips brushing Remus’s ear, voice small, “That feels nice.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” “Good, I always want you to feel nice,” Sirius blushes, barely noticeable in the darkening room. Remus is so wildly in love with him in this moment, “let me make you feel nice?”Sirius nods, “yeah, please.” “Ok, just keep watching your show, I’ll make you feel good.” Sirius nods again, eyes glazed as he turns back to the screen at the end of the bed. Remus lets his hands roam, starting gentle and slow as he sweeps his hands across Sirius’s torso, fingers warm on the curve of his chest. When thumbs at his nipples, Sirius lets out a sigh and Remus’s heart does a little double beat in his chest. Remus’s hands are broad across Sirius’s back when he leans him forward to pull of his shirt and settles them back, cradled together once again. Remus scratches gently at his belly, hands sliding lower to the band of Sirius’s sweatpants. He murmurs, “hips up love” and Sirius braces his shoulders against him, scooting up on his feet so Remus can push his pants and boxers down over the swell of his ass. Sirius kicks them off the rest of the way. Sirius can feel the soft cotton of Remus’s own shirt and sweatpants against his bare back and thighs. Suddenly shy, Sirius tries to curl forward. Remus won’t have that. “No, baby, let me.” Sirius feels blown wide open. “Are you sure?”Remus nods. He reaches down to Sirius’s thigh, moves it up and over so Sirius’s knee is hooked over his own, pulling Sirius open, making him lean his entire weight back onto his chest. Remus feels a little starstruck. He can see all of Sirius spread out before him, his tattoos painted across him, hair soft and dark against his pale skin. “Fuck, Sirius you’re so beautiful,” Remus lost whatever filter he was going to have halfway through the last joint. Remus runs his hands up and down the length of Sirius’s body, feeling him up as he goes. He grabs at Sirius’s slim hips, runs his fingers along the sharp edge of his iliac crest before palming roughly at his chest. Remus thinks he could touch Sirius like this forever, slow and letting the heat build between the two of them. Sirius feels warm, feels himself starting to get hard and wet, on the edge of worked up. He wants Remus’s hands on him always. On the screen in front of them there’s a sprawling deep sea vent, an ecosystem like no other. It’s a little eerie, a little beautiful. Sirius is fuzzy, high and full of a gentle sloping want. He’s a little entranced by the romance of these vents, so full of life when everything says they should be desolate. Remus is petting across the tops of his thighs, layering kisses down his neck and shoulders when Sirius finally has to ask “would you go there with me?” His voice is raspy, ridden with want. Remus thinks he would follow Sirius anywhere, do anything for him, if he asked him with that fucking voice. Remus’s reply is muffled into Sirius’s neck, “To the vents? Yeah, no question.” Sirius hums, quiet and pleased and Remus is obsessed with him. He dips his one hand down between his legs and gropes at his thighs, bringing the other up to hold Sirius’s cheek.Sirius turns his face, kisses Remus’s palm and takes his fingers into his mouth. They taste earthy and ashy as he laves his tongue over them. Remus traces the edges of Sirius’s eyeteeth before bringing his hand down to his cunt, one finger running up the core of him, bumping against his cock at the top. “Fuck you’re hard.” Sirius laughs, “Yeah Rem. You’ve had your fucking huge hands all over me for the better part of an hour what did you want me to do.” Remus hums into his neck, rubs gentle circles with his thumb around his cock and lets his middle finger slide into him, hot and wet, fingers dancing. He wants to feel every inch of Sirius, inside and out. “Let me play with you.” Sirius nods his assent. He draws Sirius knee up and out with his own where they’re hooked together, pulling his legs wide apart. Remus uses one hand to spread Sirius even further. He’s rubbing his thumb up and down Sirius’s cock, sinking one, then two, then three fingers into him, curling up relentless where he’s soft and dripping. Then he’s fucking him with his fingers, broad knuckled and thicker than Sirius’s own. Sirius is so wet Remus’s hand make a slick, dirty squelch on each thrust. His head thrown back over Remus’s shoulder, body curved and splayed open, Remus’s very own figura serpentinata. Remus stills his hand, let’s Sirius writhe against him for a second. When Remus doesn’t start moving his fingers again Sirius whines. Remus is enamored, starstruck by the flushed planes of his boyfriends body. Sirius shifts hips a little bit but doesn’t give into himself quite yet. Remus is absolutely not having it. “C’mon ride my hand, you love my fingers. Make yourself feel good.” Sirius breaks, plants his feet where they’re dangling on either side of Remus’s knees and lets his hips roll, grinds his cock into Remus’s palm. His cheeks are flushed red, mouth open letting out a tiny string of ah ah ah’s. Remus watches Sirius’s thighs work, abs clenching, as he brings himself into his first orgasm on Remus’s fingers. Sirius is pliant for just a second before Remus flips them, Sirius blushing and gasping beneath him. Remus is kissing him like he might die. Like he wants to map the backs of Sirius’s molars with his tongue. Sirius is trying desperately to get Remus’s shirt off but it catches on the edges of his shoulder blades. Remus pulls back just long enough to get it off, lets it land in a puddle next to Sirius’s face, close enough for him to be smell the heady mix of weed and boysweat. Remus reaches down and shoves his sweatpants off then pushes Sirius’s knees all the way back up to his shoulders. Remus is staring at his wet open mouth, red cheeks, damp eyes. Remus teases the head of his cock against Sirius’s cunt. Sirius’s cock is hard above where he’s so soft, so silky wet. Remus thinks he might pass out before he can even fuck him. Sirius throws his head back, demanding, “Jesus fuck Rem just fuck me already.” And it’s game over for Remus. He sinks into his cunt, it gives around him perfectly, hotter and wetter than fuck. Remus can feel Sirius’s cock pulse every time he hilts inside of him. Remus would have been embarrassed at how fast this was going to be if he didn’t feel so good. He can feel sweat prickling at the dip of spine, behind his knees, belly tight and twisting. He isn’t sure that what he and Sirius are doing could even be called kissing, it’s all tongue and teeth pressed so close and so hard Remus is pretty sure he can feel his lip starting to split. Sirius is whining into his mouth, hands raking scratch marks deep and long up his back, cunt clenching around him as he comes again. With hard thrust Remus comes too, spilling into Sirius. He presses in further for a second but then pulls out and grinds their still hard cocks together. They look hot together, come mixing as it drips out of Sirius, everything’s wet and messy.They’re sweaty and slipping against each other, Remus heavy on Sirius’s chest. He’s not sure whose heart he can hear pounding but its loud even under their panting breathes. Remus lets himself come back into his body, feels Sirius shifting beneath him, and kicks his legs out long behind him, feet dangling off the end of the bed.Sirius pulls Remus into another fucking filthy kiss, fucking his tongue into Remus’s slack mouth. Remus snorts and props himself up on his elbows. He looks down at Sirius, “Oh baby you’re not done.” Sirius squirms at the words, pinned under Remus’s heated gaze. He’s a little embarrassed, a sticky, hot feeling licking up his belly. Remus rearranges them. He lands on his back, propped up against the headboard, Sirius's lying half on top of him. Remus fusses until Sirius is straddling his hip, pussy dripping come, wet and slick against the top of his thigh. Sirius is sucking at the crook of his neck when Remus uses his hands to guide Sirius’s hip into a gentle rock, clenching his quad in time with his movements, giving him something to grind his cock against. Sirius gives up any pretense of grace as he rides Remus’s thigh, grinds his cock down wet and dirty onto wiry hair and soft skin as Remus holds his face into his neck with a fist in his hair. Remus is fucking floored, watching Sirius’s ass clench, hips rolling, teeth sharp on his neck. “C’mon love, that’s it.” Sirius’s hips are starting to slow when Remus snakes one hand down his back to grab at his ass. Remus lets his fingers drift down, rubs gently at puckered skin. Remus lets his hand dip further, moving his fingers down, gets them wet before sliding them back up, lets his middle finger sink in. Sirius is back to panting ah ah ah into Remus’s neck. He shifts to get his knee under him, giving him that little bit of leverage as Remus fingers the come that dripped out of his pussy back into his ass. Sirius lets himself feel dirtyhot and wanted and a just little bit owned, cunt clenching rhythmically, cock hard against Remus’s leg. He comes with a wet rush, filthy on Remus’s thigh. He lets himself ride out it out, until he can barely move, oversensitive but feeling so, so good that he can’t bear to make himself stop. Remus is once again fucking floored. Sirius is so and pretty and sweet and strong and his. Remus needs a minute. He vaguely thinks they should clean up or at least turn off the fifth and final episode of Oceans because Sirius will be pissed if he misses it. But Sirius is draped across his chest, hips finally stilling as he starts to doze, their legs a tangled mess. Remus presses a kiss to Sirius’s forehead and lets himself float, eventually following him to sleep.Both of them sleep wrapped up in another while the documentary plays into the dark room bathing them in shifting greys and blues and whites. Eventually Remus’s laptop dies. It plunges the room into a swaddling darkness and inadvertently wakes Sirius up. Remus is a furnace beneath him but Sirius would rather die than move away. Sirius shifts and Remus hums beneath him. The air between them is tendersweet, the kind that requires whispers. “Awake?” Remus murmurs. “Mhm,” Sirius nods, cheek dragging across Remus’s chest. Sirius shifts his hips where he’s still straddling one of Remus’s thighs. He’s still wet. “You’re still wet.” “Mhm,” Sirius nods again, lets his hips roll once, slow and languid. He’s still a little hazy, a little stoned, sex drunk. He can feel where Remus’s cum has dripped down between his thighs.“You wanna?” Remus is running his hands roughly up and down Sirius’s back, big and warm and a little possessive. “Do you?” “Yeah, Sirius. Yes.” Sirius nods a third time and Remus flips them over again. Sirius now flat on his back as Remus leaves wet, sucking kisses as he works his way down Sirius’s chest and torso to lay between his legs. Sirius looks wet and flushed and it makes Remus want to bite. So he does. Sinks his teeth into the soft skin of Sirius’s muscled inner thigh, hard enough to leave a perfect, bruising imprint, before pressing the soft peck over the mark. Remus props his chin on Sirius’s pubic bone so he can look up at him, “I want you to squirt again.”Sirius laughs as Remus uses his hand to push Sirius’s legs towards his chest. “Hold yourself open for me.” Sirius blushes but does, hooks his elbows under his knees. Remus uses his thumbs to pull him open, lick hot and wet into the core of him. Sirius gasps, “oh fuck.” Remus is making out with his cunt, fucking drinking him in. Pulling back every time Sirius gets to the edge to pepper small kisses over his cock and the tops of his thighs, just to drag it out. Remus fucks his hole with his tongue until Sirius is squirming and then slips a finger in. Sirius is so worked up he drops his legs, one heel cracking down on Remus’s back . Remus’s mouth is relentless bringing him right to the edge over and over. Sirius feels a fat tear drip wet down his face and is about to start begging for Remus to please, please make him come when Remus grabs him, pulls his legs around his head, hands hard on thighs. Remus flattens his tongue up the length of his cock and presses forward. Lets Sirius grind his cock into his face and he uses his mouth. Remus is struck by the man in front of him. He pulls back again, holds Sirius’s hips still and presses one single sloppy kiss to Sirius’s twitching cock before taking his mouth away completely. He needs to catch his breath.Sirius is trying to wriggle away as he pants, “wait no Remus what — what the fuck.” He sounds distraught but Remus wants to make him work for it, just a little. “Say you’re mine.” Sirius groans. “Fuck Remus c’mon.” “Just say you’re mine and I’ll make you come.” He drops featherlight kisses across Sirius’s pussy. So light it’s almost meaner than just waiting for Sirius to answer. Sirius tries to grind back down on Remus’s face but is held fast by the hands wrapped around his thighs. He lets out a tiny sob. “Yeah Rem, I’m yours, I’m always yours.” Remus moans, loud and throaty in the quiet room before sucking Sirius’s cock back into his mouth as he grinds his own hips down into the mattress. Remus uses his hands to move Sirius’s hips against his face as he licks into him again. Sirius feels his legs tingle, belly tightening up and up and up and up, as he grinds down wet and messy across Remus’s mouth, cock bumping against his nose. Remus slides two fingers back into him, he’s somehow even hotter and wetter and messier than before. Sirius comes so hard everything goes white, ears ringing as pleasure wrings itself out of his body. Remus feels it when Sirius comes. He squirts again, messy all over Remus’s face and Remus works him through it, mouth moving gently, sloppily kissing his hole as it clenches down over Remus’s fingers. Remus is engrossed, he pulls Sirius even closer, nuzzling his face against his cock, lapping through his folds, tonguing his pussy, and daisy chains orgasm after orgasm out of him.Eventually Sirius starts thighs start shaking, he’s wrung out and tired, and pushing kitten weak against Remus’s head for some reprieve before pulling back on his hair because he feels so good. He’s on the knife’s edge of pleasure-pain. Remus takes mercy when Sirius is so overstimulated he can’t form full words anymore. Remus is hard enough to cut glass, Sirius is all pretty and pliant in front of him. Remus pushes up onto his knees, one hand landing to hold him up besides Sirius’s face, the other going to his cock. Sirius mouths at Remus’s wet fingers next to his face, tasting himself, while Remus gets a hand around himself. It only takes a second, Remus’s hands are soaked from where he was holding Sirius. He finishes with a groan, comes across Sirius’s cock and belly before collapsing back down on top of his boyfriend. Sirius is giggling into Remus’s ear, playing with the hair at the nape of Remus’s neck while Remus tries to catch his breath, panting hard into the crook of Sirius’s shoulder. “Good?”Remus thinks his brain is melting out of his ears a little bit. “Yeah fuck, so good.” “You wanna hear I’m yours yeah? Okay tough guy.” Sirius’s voice is hoarse, sex drunk and light with laughter. “Yeah, yeah, yeah big talk from someone who just squirted on my face.” “Yeah and you fucking loved it don’t front.” “Of course I loved it Jesus fucking christ it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” “You’re welcome then but I think I’m gonna sleep now?” Sirius sounds like he’s already drifting off. “You wanna shower first?” “No no nooo… bebe don’t make me go.” Remus is sure this is a bad idea. They’re disgusting, the sheets are soaked through, but the thought of moving is atrocious and Sirius has him wrapped around his finger. “Okay, okay let’s sleep.” Sirius hums and scoots over to let Remus flop face down onto the mattress, leg bent up over Sirius’s hips and arm still tossed across Sirius’s chest and the two of them doze off, warm and sated and completely tangled together. /// It’s 8am and Sirius thinks he might be dying. At six he snuck out of the bedroom and ran to the bathroom. Everything hurts, his hair is so knotted at the back of his head he may have to just cut it off. He’s sporting a crisp bite mark on his thigh, he sort of feels like he ran a marathon. And it burns. He had to pee and soon as his ass hit the toilet seat he knew he was fucked because, as mentioned, it burns. At first he tried showering in the hopes that somehow hot water and Remus’s organic body wash would magically remove the bacteria that weaseled its way inside his body but it was futile. He’s still here in the bathroom two hours later. He’s going to kill Remus. Sirius is peeved. He knows he told Remus that under no circumstances can Sirius fall asleep after sex without peeing especially if Remus decided he needed to roll his own joints that day. He knows they’ve discussed it. Sirius is kicking himself. This will be his fourth UTI in the past year. The guy at urgent care is going to give him fucking eyebrows when he walks in. He can already see James’s face drawing down, the frustrated ‘why can’t he wash his fucking hands didn’t you tell him’ that’s sure to come. Sirius knows sitting on the toilet is just delaying the inevitable so he gets up, washes his hands, and limps back to the bedroom. He shakes Remus awake. “Remus, Rem.” Remus is groggy. “Yeah, yes, what’s up?” “I have to go to urgent care.” “Wait— what— why— what’s wrong?” Remus tries to shake the sleep off at the hurt in Sirius’s voice. “I have a UTI.” Remus tries desperately to wake all the way but his brain is moving slow. “I thought you already did that” Sirius screams internally and looks to the ceiling. “I have another one.” Remus is still trying to wake up, piece together what’s going on. “But we have breakfast with Fleamont and Euphemia today?” “Yeah I know but I have to go to urgent care.” Sirius hopes Remus gets with the program expeditiously because he’s losing patience. Fast. “Do you want me to come with you?” “No. James would actually murder us if we both missed breakfast.” This breakfast has been on the books for weeks. James’s parents are coming into the city on their way to meet friends before heading to the beach. It’s been hard not seeing them as often, Sirius might cry if he thinks about it too hard. “But then I’ll have to go alone?” Remus is clearly still not with the program and Sirius has reached the end of his rope. He rolls his eyes.“That’s right champ.” If Remus didn’t know better he’d think that he’s on the receiving end of the tone Sirius uses with people he thinks are too stupid to be alive. “Champ?” “Yeah champ. This is kinda your fault so you get to go to breakfast alone.” The color is slowly draining from Remus’s face. Remus doesn’t want to go to brunch alone. He’s sleep-warm and deliciously sore and was really hoping Sirius would fuck him this morning to round out the rather stellar streak they’ve been on. And then a worse thought hits. “But James is gonna know.” “James is gonna know.” Sirius says this with an unhappy finality. “He’s gonna be mad at me.” Every time this has happened James has given Remus this look. Like it’s all his fault that Sirius is cranky and in pain, like Remus could’ve done something to stop this from happening. Which he can’t. He’s really pretty sure he can’t.“Well.” Sirius does not feel bad for him. “Well?!” Remus wants Sirius to feel bad for him. James is like a little kicked puppy when he’s mad, a little pathetic and impossible to ignore. “Remus I am have a really hard time feeling bad for you when it feels like someone has shoved a hot knife up my urethra, okay.” Sirius is trying and failing to keep his temper under control. “Oh fuck that’s what it feels like?” Remus is really struggling to keep up with what’s going on. “Remus.” “Right fuck, okay urgent care.”“Yes they open at nine you can drop me off on your way to breakfast” “On my way to breakfast.” Remus can hear that Sirius is getting close to tears but is brain is still moving too slowly to keep up with what exactly he needs to do in this situation.“Yes Remus—on your way to breakfast—in your car, which you drive, there’s a place on the way to the restaurant I already checked.” Remus takes Sirius in, he’s looking a bit worse for wear. He’s a little pale and a little shaky. “Fuck baby I’m sorry. You really don’t feel well huh?”Sirius’s tears finally well up. “No.” Sirius feels small and a little stupid. Remus gets up, soft cock heavy between his thighs as he stands. “C’mon I’ll make tea, you sit on the couch. I’ll get ibuprofen.” He looks back at Sirius who looks bereft. Remus stands in front of Sirius and cups his face, kisses his forehead and pulls him for a hug. Sirius lets himself be comforted as Remus herds him out to the living room, depositing him on the couch with a comforter. Still naked, Remus brings him an earl grey, extra milk and sugar. Remus knows extra milk and sugar are for bad days. “Okay drink this. I need to shower and then we can go.” Remus puts a large hand on the curve of Sirius’s jaw, “Okay?” Sirius melts a little. Remus is using his slut hands to his advantage and they both know it. “Yeah, okay.” ///Sirius texts James while they’re in the car.
prongs
i’m so sorry
i can’t make it to breakfast
everything okay?
yeah i just have another UTI
fuck dude I’m sorry
don’t be sorry it’s my fault anyways for being fckn stupid
but i’ll make it up to you and your folks soon
Remus will still be there
i’m so sorry
don’t even worry about it
mum and dad’ll be back in like a week
so for real no worries
let me know if you want me to bring you anything
ty bb
appreciate you
feel better bub
///
Remus drops Sirius off at urgent care and heads to breakfast. The car ride was quiet, Sirius tired and cranky. Remus felt unsure of what to do, wanting to fix everything with the wave of a magic wand for Sirius but also not wanting to overstep. Sirius gave him a halfhearted kiss on the cheek as he got out of the car and Remus hated it. Remus knows James is not going to be impressed if he’s stoned for breakfast with his parents but it has to happen after the morning he’s had. Remus grabs some shitty preroll out of the glove box after he pulls into the parking lot. He manages to take a single a pull before his phone buzzes. James and his parents are already sitting apparently. Remus smokes for another four and a half minutes before he stubs it out in his cup holder, takes a deep breath, and looks at his red eyes in his rearview mirror. He grimaces at himself, he can do this. Remus started out feeling off-kilter sitting with the Potters, especially when James catches his eye with a frown from across the table when Remus tells Fleamont and Effie that Sirius caught some sort of bug and can’t make it. But things mellow out quickly, an iced latte does wonders and breakfast ends up being sort of lovely. Sirius would have loved it. Remus wishes he was there.//Remus drives James home and James invites him in. Remus walks up the drive like a lamb being led to slaughter. As James walks into the kitchen he lets out a weary sigh. “Let’s sit.” Remus nods and the two of them sit at the little round table tucked into the corner. Remus picks up a napkin from the holder and starts tearing it into tiny shreds. He lets James break the silence.“Dude.” James thinks this whole thing is a little confusing because Sirius is whip-smart and stunning and Remus is honestly kind of a dirtbag who insists that hand rolled spliff is better for you because it’s more ‘organic’. He’s now also given Sirius his third UTI in six months. Regardless Sirius is too besotted to have this conversation so James is going to step up. Best friend duties. Remus feels scolded, he should not have been high at breakfast. “Yeah I know.” “I mean, do you know? About Sirius?” James is looking at him beseechingly, big brown cow eyes blinking at him. “Uh I mean, like I know he has a UTI again.” James is looking at him like he’s expecting him to continue. “Annnnnd that sucks.” James nods and raises his eyebrows. Remus lets the silence hang. “Okay. Right. Only because I love Sirius so dearly — I’m just going to say it,” James steels his shoulders, “you have to wash your fucking hands.”This is not what Remus was expecting. “What?” “Your hands Remus, you have to wash them.”“I do wash them.” Remus knows he has a grungy, dirtbag kind of thing going but he thinks he was pretty presentable for James’s parents this morning. Besides the stoned part. But really he thinks maybe it wasn’t that noticeable. He doesn’t even see any stray spray paint or dirt in his nails. James presses on. “Okay let me rephrase, after you roll your foreplay joints or whatever, you have to wash your hands before things progress.” “Before things progress?” Remus thought they were going to talk about how breakfast went. He is slowly realizing maybe they are not talking about how breakfast went. “Yes. Do you follow me?” James is looking at him like he’s saying the most obvious thing in the world.“No?”James drops his forehead to the table with a thunk before sitting back up straight. “Christ alive okay, you have to wash your hands before you finger him.” Okay so definitely not talking about breakfast but Remus has thoughts on this. “But he loves when I finger him when we smoke.”“Right, do you see the problem here?” James is back to his beseeching stare and Remus’s brain is finally catching up. “Wait foreplay joint?”James narrows his eyes, “Remus focus please.”Remus is focusing, he’s trying very hard to focus. “I am focusing.”James smiles and nods, “Great so you’re going to wash your hands and this isn’t going to be a problem again?”Remus frowns, “What problem? Sirius missing breakfast? Don’t be mad at him he’s sick.” James’ smile tightens, he honestly looks a second away from losing his shit completely. “The UTIs dude. The UTIs are not going to be a problem now right?” Remus is confused again. “How would washing my hands fix it?” James heaves yet another sigh. “Right if your wash your hands he probably won’t get UTIs so just wash your fucking hands.” He pauses. “And make sure to pee after sex.” James sees Remus’s face and cuts in again. “Not you. Sirius. Sirius has to pee after sex.”“But that’s when we cuddle?” Remus does think he has vague memories of a conversation about peeing after sex at some point. “Oh my god Remus,” James pulls the shredded napkin out of Remus’s hands and continues. “You’re smart. You’re a smart guy please keep up with me here this is a simple solution.” Remus nods and James keeps talking, muttering under his breath, “Sirius is gonna kill me but he has to— okay—” James speaks up. “Sirius thinks it’s hot when you roll joints for him. I have essays about it in my phone so he won’t say anything cause he doesn’t want that to stop but you have to wash your hands before you touch him okay. The ash or weed or whatever is giving him UTIs. I know you don’t want to hurt him so you have to alright— just please please please wash your goddamn hands. He gets all sad and guilty when this happens. So just for the love of christ, wash your hands.” James’s basically yelling by the end of his monologue and Remus is flabbergasted. There’s nothing to do but acquiesce. Remus’s voice is soft and a smidge incredulous, “Yeah okay sounds good I’ll wash my hands.” James absolutely beams at him, “Great, amazing. problem solved.”Remus is suddenly exhausted, his head hurts, his jaw is sore from last night. “Do you wanna smoke?”James looks at Remus like he’s offered him a million dollars. “Jesus Christ yes.”////Sirius is bundled on the couch when Remus gets back, a few wispy curls poking out over the top of what appears to be every comforter in the house while he naps. Sirius stirs when he hears Remus walk into the room, tilts his face up from the pile of blankets and blinks sleepily up at Remus standing over him. Remus smooths a hand across his forehead and drops a kiss there. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this again.” Sirius is quiet, just nods. “How did the appointment go? Was that shitty tech there again?” Sirius huffs softly. “It was fine, and no thank god it was the nice nurse, the one with the eyebrow piercing.”“Oh good, they get you sorted then?” “Mhm got the real horse pills this time, three times a day for the next ten days.” Sirius gestures towards an orange bottle filled with the possibly the largest pills Remus has ever seen. Remus is thankful in an entirely new way that Sirius doesn’t have much of a gag reflex. “Ugh I’m so sorry dude.” Sirius huffs again, “Yeah, dude.” “Oh my god you know what I mean.” Remus takes a second to really look at Sirius. He looks tired, shirt crumpled at the collar, eyes rimmed red like he cried before falling asleep. He has pillow lines on his cheek. Remus’s heart swells a little bit, he’s so in love he can feel it choking in the back of his throat. He blurts out, “I brought you breakfast.” Sirius smiles, still a little syrupy with sleep. “Wait really?” “Of course, you’re not feeling good. Of course I brought you breakfast. And a latte.” “Oat milk?” “Your coffee order was like one of the first things I knew about you of course it’s oat milk.” “Oh of course!” Sirius’s tone is cheeky but it’s the perkiest Remus has heard him yet. Remus sets down the latte on the coffee table and pulls a container from the restaurant out of the tote bag he dropped at the corner of the carpet. Sirius moves to get up but Remus puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let me.” Remus bustles into his tiny galley kitchen and grabs a silicon tipped straw, silverware and a napkin before returning to the living room. Sirius has opened the clamshell to find fluffy pancakes with hash browns and crisp bacon. There’s a flimsy paper straw lying damply on the table. Remus shoves the ‘good straw’ into Sirius’s drink and sits down. Sirius kisses the ball of his shoulder before digging in. They sit in companionable silence for a minute before Remus asks if they want to watch the last episode of Oceans. At Sirius’s nod Remus flips on the TV and clicks through until the screen fills with an icy blue, they’re in the arctic now. Sirius picks at his breakfast before laying with his head in Remus’s lap. He fades in and out sleep while they learn about leopard seals and some sort of ancient shark and supercooled hyper-brine-y waters that freezes sea urchins on contact as they try to hop away. Remus pets his hair, tucks it gently behind the delicate curve of his ear, pointer finger catching on the tiny hoop in his cartilage. Remus maneuvers them so he’s wedged behind Sirius, the two of them tucked up into a tight spoon on the couch that barely fits them. He whispers in Sirius’s ear. “I’m really really sorry you don’t feel well.” Sirius dips his chin and snuggles back impossibly further into Remus but doesn’t say anything so Remus continues. “I talked to James.” “Oh god why?” Sirius sounds wary.“Well you weren’t there so I had to settle.” “Rem.” They jostle on the couch as Sirius sends his elbow back into Remus’s boney sternum with a tiny shove.“I’m joking but yeah we chatted and I just um,” Remus chooses his next words carefully.“I get the sense that maybe you think this is you fault and I uh…. I just want to make sure you know that this isn’t your fault and,” he pauses takes a breath before getting to the crux of what he wants to say, “you being with me didn’t cause this.” Sirius snorts, his shoulders are tense. Remus pushes on. “Okay yeah, sex played a part, but in the cosmic sense or whatever, this is just biology, not like a punishment. It’s not your fault you know?”Sirius breathes heavy through his nose, his voice so quiet Remus almost misses it. “Promise?”Remus puts both arms around Sirius and squeezes him tight, puts his lips right on Sirius’s ear. “Yeah, I promise.” Remus keeps Sirius tucked in snug against him as they watch penguins sort of fling themselves off a cliff into the water below. After a few minutes he feels Sirius’ breath turn slow and even, a tiny snore gurgles out. Like he’s holding a sleeping kitten, Remus stays perfectly still, doesn’t move an inch until he eventually falls asleep too. /// A full course of antibiotics later and Sirius is back to feeling normal, good even. He’s supposed to meet Remus at the farmers’ market to celebrate his re-found freedom. Sirius steps off the bus and just knows in his bones Remus is going to be late so he wanders through the square until he finds a bench. Sirius is scrolling through his phone when he hears the distant sound of a skateboard on pavement. His head snaps up and he sees Remus across the way. Remus is wearing some sort of knee length kilt-skirt-thing and a baggy t-shirt with a rip at the collar. Sirius can tell his socks used to be white but are now some sort of indescribable greybrown. Remus picked up his board when he crossed the street but he trips over the curb as he tries to step into the square. Remus falls forward, sort of throws his board, and lands hard on his hands. His phone flies out of his grip and rips the wired headphones out of his ears. The board rolls away dangerously fast towards a rickety table at the edge of the market piled high with peaches before he can catch it. The board careens into the leg of the table causing the bottom row of peaches to roll, sending the whole pile tumbling onto hot pavement. Sirius glances back to where Remus is getting up, his hands and knees are scraped raw. Remus licks a line up a line of blood that had been trickling down down his forearm as a horrified mother looks on and tries to subtly scootch her toddler away. The stand owner’s gaze is darting back and forth between the grounded peaches, the skateboard, and Remus, eyebrows raised, face disbelieving. Her voice carries across the square, “Aren’t you too old to be using that?” Remus squints at her. His answer is honey slow, “What? How else would I get here?” The stand owner’s mouth pinches down into a tight frown as Remus hovers awkwardly next to the empty table. Sirius watches as Remus wipes his bloody palms on his t-shirt and gently tries to pile to fallen peaches back onto to the table. Sirius thanks a god he no longer believes in that his phone can zoom in far enough to capture the full scene in a series of pictures Sirius wants framed right this second. Sirius is so fucking in love.Remus is clearly so stoned and trying so hard to get the peaches to stay on the table but they keep rolling back off, landing with a bruising smack on the asphalt, bloody handprints showing even in the distance. The stand owner is stock still watching this happen, mouth agape. Sirius lets out a barking laugh at the look on her face, at the sound Remus looks up and lets out a giggle himself. Remus does a weird half-bow to the now fuming stand owner, scoops up his board, and bails before he can make it any worse than it already is. He fully scurries over, breaking into some sort of loping run before crashing into the bench next to Sirius. Remus immediately loops a long arm behind Sirius’ neck and pulls him in for a kiss that is definitely inappropriate for 10:30am at a farmers market. He tastes like strawberry chapstick and ash. Sirius pulls back and looks at Remus next to him. His legs are splayed open, skirt riding dangerously high up his thighs. High enough Sirius can see his tan lines, where the tops of his legs are pale beneath the fraying hem of loose boxers. Sirius snaps off the longest of the loose strings and gently tugs the hem of the skirt back down. “Big morning huh?” Remus leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheekbone, Sirius can feel his answering smile against his face. “Sorry I’m late, there was a cat.”Sirius nods, tries to school his face into something serious. “Oh?” “Yeah I ran into that orange cat, you know the one that lives on the corner, and I had to stop and say hi.”Sirius gives up and lets a huge goofy grin take over his face as he nods again. He puts one hand on Remus’s leg, above where his knee is still weeping a little bit, and pushes himself up off the bench. He holds the same hand out to Remus, “Let’s go get coffee?” “Oh fuck, I could fucking crush an iced coffee.” Remus’s voice is raspy. “I know, c’mon, I’ll buy the first one.”Remus looks at Sirius like he hung the moon and takes his outstretched hand. Sirius pulls him up from the bench hard and Remus stumbles right into his chest. Remus dips forward, kisses him with too much tongue for public, again. Sirius laughs into his mouth, “You’re really gonna scandalize that mom this time.” Remus presses their foreheads together briefly, “Good, let her watch.” Remus grabs his skateboard in one scraped up hand still holding Sirius’s with the other. He holds his arm up like a dancer might, eyes playful. Sirius twirls under it, giggling, before pulling Remus in the direction of the coffee shop. Their pealing laughter is loud in the morning as they duck through the crowd.