Work Text
Regina's POV
“Loss of love can make a person desperate… desperate enough to do anything to bury the truth, to hide from its pain.”
-Castlevania
I hate you. I hate you so much that it would worry even my darker self.
Why did you have to say yes? Why does it bother me that she said yes? I should be happy for you, but I'm not. All I feel is hate, all because she said yes to him. That pirate.
It feels like somebody ripped my heart out of my chest. This isn't something I should be upset about, and all I feel about this is hurt.
It feels like losing Robin all over again. Or losing Daniel. And it shouldn't. It shouldn't feel like this.
I should've known after she kissed him in Neverland that she would have never listened to me about him.
I shouldn't even feel like this. She's my best friend, we did so much to get to a stable relationship with each other, and now it feels.. tainted, broken, distanced.
As I pace my kitchen, it's all I can think about. The small smile on her face as she showed the ring, the quiet and dull subtle happiness she had in her eyes. The way she looked to me for my approval even after I said he didn't deserve her. Then who does? Who deserves her? It shouldn't bother me this much. My disgust for the rum-soaked filth of man was expressed clearly to the blonde.
“To be honest, you're too good for Hook.” I said. At the time, it was a mere factual throwaway statement to emphasize how good of a person Emma is. But now I'm questioning it. In fact, I'm questioning every statement or interaction I've had with the blonde, and I don't understand why.
Even when I said I was happy for her, I still felt the mask I was wearing to hide my emotions slip for just a moment and I shouldn't have to wear one for the happiness of my friend so why did I?
Even when it slipped, I knew she wouldn't catch it. She never does. Emma may say she has my back, but that was a while ago before the pirate really pushed himself into the picture. I never expected her to ever really gauge my true emotions, not since.. not since Camelot and her being the Dark One. But even then, I knew that she was going to slip away at some point.
It shouldn't even matter to me this much, and yet it does.
Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as my thoughts continue to border on irrational.
Maybe you should just do what you've always wanted to do since you laid eyes on her. A voice in the dark reaches of her mind spoke.
“No. This is not happening. You aren't about to tempt me with your bullshit right now.” I whisper to myself.
Oh, I don't have to do anything. But if I may, you should probably start realizing that denial is a very internalized thing, and I have the key. It said, smirking at the raven haired woman's turmoil.
I shook my head to rid myself of the voice.
I won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but I'll let you sit and mope for a while. The voice said with a cold grin.
“What? I'm not moping!” I barked.
The voice chuckled at my outburst. Sure, you aren't. Until tonight, see you, queenie. The voice disappeared into the shadows of her mind.
I scoffed at that. Why is today turning out to be the worst.
First, Emma is engaged to the rum-soaked pirate, then I start losing my shit over it for no reason, and now she's back to make me angry about it.
“Ugh, I need a drink.” I groan into my hands.
“Could not agree more, sister.” Zelena said from the stool across from her.
I jumped at the sound of my sister's voice, “What the hell, Zelena?!” I shouted at the sudden red-headed intruder.
“What's the matter with you?” The auburn haired Brit said to me with concern, ignoring how rude it is to barge into someone's home. “Usually you would be making dinner or some dessert for such a momentous occasion but all you're doing is..” Zelena looked at me, assessing my body language. “Moping?”
“I'm not moping!” I exclaimed in frustration, throwing my hands down onto the counter.. making my moping and irritation clear.
“Sure you're not.” She answered with an eye roll. “Look, I'm just gonna say this and hope you realize that subtlety is not your strong suit, but it's okay to feel upset about this.. considering how you feel.”
My face furrowed in confusion, “How do I feel about what exactly?”
“About Emma.”
“What about Emma?” I question with a pain rising again in my chest that feels so familiar yet so cold like a past longing I've felt before. What feeling is that?
“Bloody hell! If I knew you were this dense like her, I would've just outright said it the first time.” Zelena nagged.
“Tell me what?!” I hollered, already done with her antics.
“That you're in..” Instead of finishing what she was about to say, my sister just looked at me in curiosity, and a pitied look flashed in her eyes like I needed to be pitied about Emma for some reason.
“Well? Are you going to tell me or are we going to stare at each other all day?” I commanded.
Zelena sighed, looking down at her hands. “Perhaps, if you don't realize what you feel yet, then it's not my place to tell you.”
I stared at my sister, confused at her words. Why is she saying this? What about Emma is so important that I don't know it myself? “Zelena, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Nothing, just mouthing off as always. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow for lunch. Bye!” The redhead professed in an untimely manner before poofing out of my kitchen.
What the fuck just happened?
***
No One's POV
“A blush for a date and a kiss awaits.”
-AGThePoet21
“You told her, didn't you?” The tall sixteen year old questioned.
Zelena sighed. “I couldn't do it. She was in the kitchen pacing with a lost look on her face.” The boy in question looked at his aunt with confusion. “What? Mom doesn't spiral. She may be snappy most days with people who aren't me or Emma but never spiraling.” He said in disbelief.
“She was spiraling, Henry. Telling her would really set her off, so let's play it safe from the sidelines, okay?” Zelena pleaded. And we both know that the redhead never pleads with anyone.
Wide-eyed and nervous would be an understatement for young Henry as he realizes just how critical the situation is and could get. “Alright Aunt Zee, I'll stick to the sidelines for now.” He agreed while his thoughts were running a mile a minute.
The young teen was baffled, never had he heard of his mother being so out of place in a way that even his aunt couldn't take action in a little teasing. It causes him to question what has been going on between his mothers since they met all those years ago.
“How about we go grab a bite at Granny's?” The redhead suggested. “Get our minds off of this situation long enough to come up with a better plan.” She says with a small smile, walking down the sidewalk towards their destination.
“You know what to get me, right?” The brown haired teen asks, opening the door to the establishment.
Zelena chuckled at the teen. “Your usual bacon cheese burger with chocolate milkshake sprinkled with cinnamon and onion rings.”
Henry rolls his eyes at his aunt with a smile. “I'll find a place to sit.”
“Mhm.” The redhead says in a noncommittal tone, staring at the red-streaked raven haired waitress.
Henry smirked at his aunt's distracted look. To say that his aunt has had a slight crush on Ruby for a while would be under selling it. Henry has been trying to get her to at least talk to the wolf, but Zelena denies ever having any kind of attraction towards her with very colorful language that his mom would seriously be upset about. But overall, it's kinda hilarious how Ruby is the only person to make Zelena sound like an actual idiot.
Sadly, Zelena doesn't know that Ruby is kinda crushing on Mulan, who is in love with Aurora, which pretty much means that she's trying to get over her. What Zelena also doesn't know is that Ruby also has been eyeing her, too. It’s honestly entertaining to watch, especially when his aunt blushes beet red.
So Henry finds a booth to eat at while his aunt fails at being subtle as well. How his mothers are the completely oblivious one's is just an insane thought, considering Zelena is giving them a run for their money.
“Hello, Red. Can I get the usual for me and young Henry?” The redheaded witch asked, looking quite shy for a former villain.
Ruby leaned forward with a gleam in her eyes that the redhead witch was lost and oblivious to. “Of course, Zee, but I only know Henry's order, not yours, so tell me..” She smirked at the green eyed witch, “What do you like?”
Zelena's eyebrows raised slightly in question and a small state of shock at the waitress.”W-what do I like?” The redhead started feeling on the spot, looking away trying to come up with an answer, but nothing was coming to mind, instead her mind going to a place it usually goes when around the wolf and making Zelena blush even harder.
The red-streaked raven haired wolf furrowed her eyebrows as well at the lack of a response from the woman in front of her, unaware of the turmoil happening in her head.
Before she could embarrass herself even more, Zelena just quickly muttered what she wanted and sped off into the other direction where Henry had a booth for them.
Henry had watched the entire interaction with amusement on his face, seeing his aunt once again get stumped by Ruby.
“Are you good, Aunt Zee?” The teen asked as he watched her rush to the booth only to sit her head down on the table in defeat as she nodded her head in response to his concern.
“You won't always choke Aunt Zee, Ruby is an intimidating person sometimes even if she is very approachable.” Henry encouraged.
Zelena groaned at that and sat her head up, looking at her dear nephew with an overwhelming feeling of getting bested overcoming her. “The same could be said about me, nephew, only people usually cower at my name.”
Henry has known for a while about Zelena's crush on Ruby for a while now, He didn't like seeing his aunt so down about this. He tried to ask Zelena if he could help in some way, but she would always decline the offer or come up with excuses of not wanting to be even more embarrassed than she already gets when she tries to take a chance and talk to the wolf.
“I don't think so anymore, Zee. You've changed since you had Robyn, and that is something that I believe a lot of people have started to see even if you don't.” Henry admitted proudly.
Zelena's small smile ensured Henry that she was at least feeling a little bit better at his compliment. “I suppose you're right.”
“Speaking of which, where is little Robyn?” He asked.
“With Belle.” She answered as if that was the most obvious answer in the world.
“Is she okay? Did something happen that she'd needed to be sent to Grandpa?” Henry asked, worried if his cousin was in trouble.
“No, everything is perfectly fine with the little one. I just needed a babysitter for today since I was dropping you off at that friend's place, you asked Regina if you could go to and to hang with you before I am swamped with taking care of my little angel.” Zelena explained.
“Mom said I could go to my friend's house?” He questioned.
Zelena nodded with a hum of confirmation.
“On a school night?” He emphasized further.
“But it's Friday?” She reasoned.
“Mom doesn't believe Friday's are considered a weekend.”
Zelena deflated as she realized what her nephew was trying to point out. Her dear sister truly kight be in the dumps about the engagement.
“Well then that means she's at work then.” She estimated, trying to find a more plausible answer other than the depressing one she's thinking of right now.
“Called the office and her assistant said she called off for the rest of the weekend.” He answered.
Zelena huffed and covered her face with her hand in exasperation at her sister.
This is turning into a nightmare.
“Okay, since this is obviously now becoming a top priority, have you come up with a name for the operation?”
Henry nodded his head with an excited grin, “It's called Operation Lonely Hearts.”
“What's that supposed to be for Hen?” The red streaked raven haired waitress wondered as she was bringing them their orders.
“Aunt Zee and I are trying to help Mom and Ma realize how much they need each other again.” He replied.
Zelena fights to hide her face once more as she receives her food.
Ruby hummed as she finished setting their plates down. “That's nice and all because I've been waiting ages for them to realize that, but isn't Emma engaged to Hook now?”
“Yeah, but I don't think Ma realizes that she has feelings for Mom yet.” He added. “But as for Mom knowing about her feelings for Ma.. she's at home. Alone.” Henry concluded with a slight grimace.
“I think I have an idea of who might be behind that one.” Ruby said as her eyes found Zelena's glazed over one's.
“Have anything to say about that, Zee?”She queried.
Since the wolf had walked over to their table, Zelena has taken to looking everywhere, but at her, ultimately, she fails and ends up gazing into her eyes as she speaks with Henry. Zelena quietly sighs at how beautiful she is, Zelena doesn't often revel in others' beauty, but the wolf's beauty is beyond anything to her.
Unknown to the redheaded witch who's lost in her world of Ruby, the waitress had asked her for an explanation as to why Regina was trussed up in her house.
“Aunt Zee?” Henry blurted out, snapping his aunt from her state of silence and staring.
“I- well..” Zelena stuttered.
Immediately, she looked away from the piercing gaze of Ruby before quickly rushing out of the booth almost tripping over herself, rushing to the washroom, missing the sad, longing look from the waitress as she watched her run away.
***
Emma's POV
“In love, one always starts by deceiving oneself… and ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls romance.”
-Oscar Wilde
It should've been easy, saying yes to such an amazing guy, but it felt like.. nothing.
Well, not nothing. Truthfully, everything feels like nothing but contentment. And that's not what I want to feel, I want to feel something, something other than content. I want to feel like this decision was the right one, but instead, it feels like a trap, a set up, confinement. It feels like I'm 17 again and pregnant, trapped within four walls with clothes I don't approve of, food that makes me feel weak inside, and the prison guards are my parents. And my warden is my fiance.
And I shouldn't feel like that, but it's all it feels like.
I haven't felt like this since I was a lonely bounty hunter in Boston. Alone. Misunderstood. Lost.
It's like I'm trapped under a confinement made to treat others' needs and wants, not my own.
What do I want exactly? Why do I feel like a caged animal? I should be happy with him. I am happy with him.. I think. No, I am happy with him. For the first time in a while, someone who has made me happy made me feel like I belong somewhere. But why do I feel like fleeing the castle? I'm not a princess trapped in a tower. I'm a savior with a happy ending that I've always wanted as a kid.
Right?
No. I'm not sure about it. If anything, I'm not sure I should've said yes to Hook.
He's a nice guy as far as I can say, but he doesn't.. fulfill me the way I thought he would.
But my parents are so happy for me. The way my mother smiled so brightly when I told her. The way my father proudly smirked at how I was smiling about the proposal. Hook's been nothing but a gentleman since we've gotten together.
Yeah, that's right. I don't know what I was saying earlier, Hook makes me feel at home.
“Maybe, I'm just overthinking this all, and it's just nerves. I am worrying about nothing. I'm happy. I am so happy.” I say to myself, staring at the bags under my eyes and the dullness in my complexion.
Even as I'm saying it, I don't believe it. It's like I know something is missing from my life that gives me a fire in my heart, a feeling of fate in my bones. No, it's something..
ineffable.
It's so ineffable that the universe placed me exactly where I belonged.
But what is this feeling that I get when I'm in close proximity to the man I love? Is it fate? Is it the ineffability that I described?
A deep sigh leaves my body as my thoughts swirl around with nothingness, emptiness, a feeling of being.. settled.
Before my thoughts could unsettle me even more than I already am, the bathroom door opens behind me as Regina’s sister walks in with a blush covering her cheeks and anger glossing her eyes.
That's something I've never seen before. I wonder who made her blush that hard? But what has got her so upset?
“What's got you all strawberry cheeked?” I ask with a grin.
“What's got you downtrodden like someone took your heart?” Zelena snarled back at me.
“Woah, not taking a jab at you, just.. curious who's the lucky person to make the wicked witch of the west blush like a schoolgirl.”
“If you speak another word, your mouth will be where your fiancé’s asshole should be!” Zelena yelled out defensively, glaring at me, about to walk back out into the diner.
I frown at her outburst as she's about to walk out annoyed at me. I was just joking. What's up with her? “Hey, wait, what's wrong? Are you alright?”
Zelena stops in her tracks with her head held down and frustration still clear on her face. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, Emma.” I stared in shock at the redhead's apology. Never have I heard one from her, especially to me.
Zelena and I always had this mutual friendship, we discreetly bash each other with our words in a joking manner even if the words are.. well, mean and we never apologize for it. Even if I got a small vibe that she was always annoyed with me about something.
Specifically, my choices in anything or my ‘blatant dense obliviousness’.
I never understood what she meant by that and honestly, I don't think I ever will, but this has to be serious if she's apologizing for doing what we usually do when we see each other.
“No need to apologize, I just want to know if you're okay?” I say, trying to give her comfort in any way I can, even if it's just words. We're not really at the hugging part of our friendship yet. (Except when she hugged me when I told both her and Gina about my engagement to Hook)
She looks toward the ground awkwardly clearing her throat before asking, “How do you do it?” She says nervously.
I frown at the question. “Do what?”
Instead of finishing what she was saying, she was already turning away from me, practically throwing herself toward the exit.
“Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I yelled at you.” She quickly divulged, trying to rush out and hide the slight shake in her voice, before I grabbed her arm, turning her to face me.
“Please, I want to help if I can.” I pleaded.
As the redhead turns to face me again, I see tears tracking her cheeks, her frustration void and replaced with grief of being a failure over something which is seriously causing her major distress.
Without thinking, I pull the redhead into an embrace, giving her something other than a conversation that would have probably done her no good at this point and time. We stood there for a while as Zelena let out all her heartache as it seemed she's struggling with something similar as I am, in a way.
After a few more seconds, she pulls back with a sad and grateful smile, mouthing a thank you in my direction before wiping her eyes.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
“Maybe later tonight if that's fine with you? I have something to ask you anyway, but a restroom at the diner isn't the most ideal place to say it.” I nodded yes as she went to grab tissue from one of the stalls to fix her eyeliner and the rest of her makeup.
I don't know what it was that had such a strong woman break down in my arms in Granny's diner, but it must be heavy.
But a question weighed on my chest that I didn't know I had until just now. A question that could possibly change the course of the path I'm on right at this moment.
“Hey, uh Zelena, I have a question.” I shuffle on my feet nervously.
“I was going to ask you myself what was wrong before I broke down in tears into your obviously muscular arms.” Zelena joked with a smirk as she put the finishing touches on her makeup with her magic before turning to face me once more.
I chuckle smugly before I ask the question. “Is Regina okay? I tried to call her but it went straight to voice-mail.” I said in curiosity and concern.
It seems mentioning her sister caused the redhead to do something with her face that didn't consist of a glare and smirk wickedly at people. Instead, she looked.. wistful and sad.
Zelena sighed heavily before she answered. “I think you should go see for yourself after we have our talk at my place.”
“Yeah, no problem. I guess I'll see you later tonight.” I respond, leaving the bathroom to go pay for my food and get back to planning my wedding at my parents' loft, wondering what's going on with Regina and if she's okay.
***
No One's POV
As the day turned into the night and slowly progressed into a subtle and simple darkness, the dark queen constantly kept irritating her, calling her a coward, saying she needs to acknowledge her feelings before it overtakes her like it did when Daniel died. The dark queen constantly emphasizes how it will only be more gruesome and at the risk of losing everything she worked hard to keep after turning a new leaf. Everything could be lost just because of denying herself the simple truth.
From that revelation, it was beginning to feel like she was torturing herself, denying herself the truth of why she truly felt so distraught at the idea of Emma saying yes to the pirate and Regina couldn't take it anymore.
The constant struggle of not knowing why she feels like her whole world has come crashing down. The torment of battling with her badgering darker self over the cold, painful truth, or settling with a beautiful bold faced lie.
What was the truth?
Is she jealous of Emma for being happy?
Is she jealous at how Emma gets her chance at happiness and not her?
Or.. am I just jealous?
None of those are the right answer, other than the fact that you're jealous. The queen said, entering the dark tresses of Regina's mind, appearing in front of her in her usual extravagant outfits.
“Jealous?” The raven haired mother contemplated.
What exactly could she, a queen, be jealous of between the pirate and Emma?
Simple. The queen remarked. Him.
“W-what?! You're kidding me, right?!” Regina whispered loudly in surprise. She couldn't believe her darker half believed that she was jealous of the disgusting rat of a pirate.
“What could I possibly be jealous of with that husk people decide to call a man?” Regina challenged angrily.
Once again, it is very simple. The queen appraised. He got the one thing he desired without being judged for it, the one thing you destroyed lives over. A sad look crossed the dark woman's face, a familiar look that suddenly made sense to the older woman.
“He got his chance at true love..” Regina quietly evaluated.
Yes, he did. At this moment, the dark queen wondered how she should broach the subject of giving the other side of her, the answer to the question hidden and buried deep inside her head.
Do you want the key to your door of denial? Or do you wish to remain lost in this sea of questions and misguided answers to the truth that's been in your face the entire time? The queen divulged with a tiny smirk.
Regina looked up at her darker half, faltering under her questioning gaze. If she had a chance to stop losing her mind over something that should make her happy for her friend.. she would. But the answer she might get is making the raven haired woman feel terrified because deep down, she knows the truth. She knows what that answer is but won't admit it for the life of her.
So she made a decision that she would have to deal with like she always has done.. alone.
“Yes, I want to know the truth.” She concluded.
The queen smiled for what seemed like a relief being lifted off her shoulders. You have been falling in love with the savior for quite some time, Regina. From that moment you saved her from the fate of the Enchanted Forest, going all the way into working together to save Henry in Neverland, that's where your feelings began to truly blossom into a raging fire of frustration, determination, and care. As time progressed, you started to subconsciously save each other until Emma made the ultimate sacrifice.. her own soul. That was the day you truly realized you fell madly, ineffably in love with her.
As the queen explained her denied truth, flashes of every interaction, every smile, every laugh, every late night conversation they had when a family dinner turned into just the two of them, every frustration of how beautiful she looked when she was focused on something, how powerful she seemed as she helped out others or when she saved her, how lost, and dulled Emma became after she found love in the pirate.
She didn't want to fathom it, but she knew she had to. She said she wanted to know the truth.
You pushed yourself closer to Robin Hood after that, determined to deny the simple fact you loved her in such a way but in doing so.. you pushed her even closer into the arms of the pirate. And that loss became a part of you as Robin Hood's death seemed significantly more painful for you no longer could deny and hide how you felt for the irreparable Emma Swan.
After the dark queen gave her the answers she needed, she disappeared into the void, her work finally completed.
As the raven haired woman watches in disbelief as the darker part of herself vanishes into her subconscious, she gets a multitude of revelations about herself that she never acknowledged deeply about herself.
Regina knew when her denial started.. the apple tree. Things always seemed to begin and end there, like a place of constant milestones for Regina's path in life.
She planted that tree with her father. She mourned the loss of her father with that tree. She had secret meetings with Daniel under that tree. She asked him to marry her under that tree. She planted a memory of him under that tree. She bawled her eyes out after Daniel's death under the tree. In grief, she attempted to take her own life under that tree. She got her rightful revenge on Snow White under that tree. She started a rivalry with Emma under that tree. The day she felt the fire rush back to her as she hadn't felt in the years before.
*Slight Trigger Warning*
It was all monumental moments that happened under that tree in her life and a new one would begin when she once again took a vow to never do what she did to Daniel's name in trying to forge a revenge for his death. She realizes that after all the torture she endured from her mother, being constantly controlled for her agenda, being told she's not allowed to have her own choices in any matter regarding love as she was not mature enough to know how love works. ‘A queen cannot love a lowly stablehand, a queen needs a king’, her mother demanded. Her mother always knew best. So much so that her life was turned into a path of agony and despair, where nothing but grief, anger, and loneliness kept her going.
Soon, that grief turned into wanting nothing more than to leave the torturous world behind after her wedding night with the king. The way he pinned her down against the mattress, no gentleness like Daniel had done for her. The way he clawed at her body like it was nothing more than something to be used and abused for his nights of missing his dead wife. That anger turned into rage for the mistreatment of her freedom and life, the way of being disregarded by everyone because the king had treated her so. That loneliness turned into a void, an emptiness she could not fill with anything but hate.
*End Of Trigger Warning*
It was like all the grief of Daniel faded into an all-encompassing rage and passion for freedom and revenge. But it soon turned into the thing she hated most.. herself.
She remembers the day she looked into the mirror realizing how much she despised and hated what she became and how she ultimately turned into the person she cried day and night to her father saying how much she never wanted to be like.
Her mother.
So Regina cried. She wept until she fell asleep in the wee hours of the rising sun.
She called off from work, turned off her phone so no one could contact her for the time being, other than Henry if he needed anything, and she made sure Henry was good to go to school, and went to a lot of trouble to hide her despair from him so he didn't know the pain of her realization about his birth mother. She allowed him to go to a friend's house for the week to enjoy the company of new experiences, while she lay in bed, misery slowly forming into a new version of hate she had never experienced before.
For hours, she sat in her bed after Henry left, staring at the ceiling, and walls in her bedroom, spaced out, looking at nothing, thinking about nothing.
Until she got tired of moping, she realized that the thought of experiencing a new kind of hate that caused such dismay, she decided it was high time to get over Robin and let go of Emma for good.
The older woman clamored out of bed, ridding herself of the depressionized state of her bedroom and the house.
She called into question who she could call to help her with letting go of something she knows she won't be able to have anymore as she cleanses herself of her recent depressed state in her bathroom and went to go call up an old friend.
She smirked to herself as she dialed her up.
“Oh, this is going to be fun.” She thought to herself.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"The answer… is love. A force so powerful that all reason becomes blind to it. Blind to all things… even the truth.”
-Castlevania
Emma
As the sun begins to settle among the horizon I start to feel panic rise even more in my chest at the thought of my friend being so upset with me for a reason I have no idea about.
But doing this? Making such an impulsive decision.
I shouldn't be doing this. I can't be doing this. She wanted her space for a reason. Not to be bothered by me and my overzealous concern. It's irrational and stupid.. But I'm really worried, I've tried calling her again and even went to her office but her assistant said she was off for the rest of the weekend.
That's not like her. If anything, I know how serious it would have to be for her friend to call off on the weekend, which consists of very important budgeting and documents to sign, and then and only then would she take at least a two day break then get back to work.
But showing up unannounced at her home is something I have never done in a long time. I'm scared something happened to her or.. if someone has kidnapped her again.
After my talk with Zelena at the diner, I've felt more worried as time went on. I couldn't focus on preparing for the wedding while with my parents or Hook because of how nervous and scared I was for Regina.
The only time she has done something like this was when I brought Marian back from the past which destroyed her chance at happiness with Robin Hood. I hadn't seen such disappointment in a long while directed at me. Hell, I hadn't seen such anger directed towards me since we had first met.
But it was also how we got to where we are now.
So maybe, Zelena will understand me being a tad bit late. But just in case I'll give her a call to let her know. I pulled my phone out as I walked down the sidewalk towards Mifflin street.
It rang a few times before she picked up and the shrill scream of Robyn in the background was thoroughly introduced with Belle quietly trying to soothe the very upset child. “Hello blondie, we're still on for our chat at my place or did something come up?” Said the velvety voice of the auburn haired Brit.
I chuckled at the woman, “How'd you know?”
“Well, considering the question you asked me at the diner beforehand, I knew you would most likely have a detour.” Zelena stated, the upset child in the background fading slowly, until the sound of a door closing, deafened the cries completely.
“I have another question for you then since I know how you are and a second one for what you will eventually ask when I reach my destination..” I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Is Regina upset with me about something?”
Zelena's silence on the other line had me squirming. What does she know that doesn't have her immediately blabbing it off to me with a smug grin?
It's not like her. Which worried me even more.
The continued quietness surrounding us was making me even more uncomfortable and skittish. Regina couldn't be mad at me, could she? What could I have done in such a short amount of time to upset her?
Unable to handle the silence any longer even if it has only been ten seconds I speak up getting the redheads attention. “Zee?” I said curiously.
“Hm?” She hums finally.
“What do you know that you won't tell me?” I questioned.
“I don't know anything.” She responded noncommittally.
I groan frustrated at the dismissal. “Regina's my friend and I need to know if I've done something to hurt her, please Zee.”
The redheaded witch goes silent once more, “I'm begging you. I can't hurt her again.” I pleaded again, noticing I'm almost at Regina's mansion.
After a few more seconds of silence and three deep breaths indicating the redhead's contemplation, Zelena spoke. “I can't tell you anything in particular, but just know that she chose to be alone for the time being and not tell anybody why.”
I sigh at her answer as it provides not even the slightest bit of relief for my troubles. “I'm here at her front gate. Do you want to stay on the phone or should I hang up and wait until I get to your place?” I ask.
“I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answer you wanted, but it's not my place to tell.” She spoke solemnly.
I smile at her apology, “Stop saying sorry, it's weird, but.. it's no problem.”
“And stay on the phone, I'm always waiting to hear anything interesting going on in this backwater town.” The redheaded witch conceded.
I snort at her answer to the latter question I asked.
“Seriously, you and Ruby would be the best of friends with the way you guys circulate around gossip.”
“What about Ruby and I gave you the idea that we would ever speak?” Zelena theorized.
“With the way you barely can look her in the eyes without getting lost in them or stuttering, I'd say I have a fair amount of good reason.” I preened, looking up towards Regina's driveway noticing another car parked next to hers.
My eyebrows furrowed at the sight of another car in her driveway. The car looks strangely familiar.
Zelena gasped, “Well, I could say the same about you! With all your heart eyes and eye fucking its a wonder how you two haven't shagged each other yet!”
Confusion settled in my mind at Zelena's deflecting statement. What in the hell is she talking about?
“I do not heart eye or eye fuck Killian! And I have slept with him, he is my fiance!” I retorted with a roll of my eyes. Leave it to Zelena to say the most obvious things that others don't want to see just like Regina.
Yeah, they are definitely sister's.
Zelena scoffed in an irritated manner. “You never cease to amaze at how idiotic you are about people or your self awareness.”
“What are you talking about now?”
Zelena groaned even more on the phone at my question.
What am I saying that requires such animosity from her?
I could feel the redhead roll her eyes through the phone, “And there goes your absolute idiotic and annoying oblivious density.. again.” She groaned.
“Look, I have no clue what that means and I never do so moving on..” I stare at the carealization still trying to decipher who owned it when the door to Regina's house opens revealing the owner of that car and Regina tangled in an intimate embrace, smiles gleaming from Regina as if she's been rejuvenated. A smirk plastered onto the car owner's lips whispering into Regina's ear causing her cheeks to blush slightly.
A drowning feeling grasped my body, surrounding my chest, dropping into my stomach causing a coil of something I should not be feeling.
“What is it, saviour? I'm getting bored here!” Zelena sassed.
As I opened my mouth to answer, Regina was pulled into a blistering kiss by Maleficent, making my gut growl even harder in what I decipher as sadness. “Why is Maleficent at Regina's house?”
***
“A secret is a slow trudge towards destruction but a step away from desperation.”
-AGThePoet21
Regina's POV
2 hours ago
I waited on the couch for my friend to knock on the door. I felt my whole body shake from excitement for Maleficent's arrival.
It's been so long since we've done this sort of thing. Like since the Enchanted Forest. But I just need to get this new building hatred that's rising out of my mind and into something else.. or someone else.
Ever since my epiphany, I have this boiling anger constantly sitting on my chest, mocking me and daring me to do something heinous towards the person in question who is the constant swirl of my thoughts as of late.
I'm in love with Emma Swan.
I'm in love with Emma..
I'm in love…
I'm in love..
With Emma Swan..
It still fills me with uncertainty as this thought repeats like a loud drum in my mind. I can't clear my head of it, it's trapped in a symphony never leaving like a beautiful torturous melody.
How couldn't I have noticed? Why didn't I just accept this sooner to spare me the pain of this moment of watching myself crash under the pressure of hiding and realizing how much I hate her with that pirate.
It's so much pressure under me, above me, below me that I can feel myself drown mentally from the weight.
I grab another bottle of wine and pour it into my cylinder glass, quietly giving myself a little boost to speak without breaking down crying.
But it's not just the thought of Emma and Hook together, it's everything. I look at my life now and wonder even if I don't regret what I've done but do I deserve the good I've gotten out of it?
I hear the doorbell ring, before my thoughts spur into a darker turn. I graciously walked to the front door to an old friend of mine I hadn't seen in a long time. I fluff my hair slightly to show an air of confidence before I open the door, a smirk blazing at me from my old friend Maleficent.
“Hello Mal, it's good to see you after so long.” I greeted the blonde, stepping back so she could enter.
She walks forward with trained elegance and a dominant air. “Same to you too dear, it's been way too long!”
I close the door enacting a light conversation with Mal getting the rest of the pleasantries out of the way before I get into what I really called her here for.
We step into the living room, taking a seat on the cream colored ‘L’ shaped couch.
“Something is on your mind, so out with it.” Mal inquired.
I gazed up at the blonde with a question that has rattled my brain for a while and asked, “Do I deserve the life I have now? Even after everything I've put everyone through.” I paused for a second, “The stuff I put Henry through.” I reminisced.
“Do I deserve the good I've gotten?”
Mal sighs momentarily, an answer obviously ready for me in her mind, “Do you remember the night you fought me for the first curse?”
I chuckle at the memory of my theatrics and how much more despicable I was back then. “Of course.” Then a brisk thought shaped into my head as well, “What about that night?”
The blonde witch leans closer to me as she considers her answer, “It made me think of how you were in that moment, desperate, longing, in search of a fulfillment that would finally sustain your..” A sad smile appeared on her lips, “broken heart.”
Tears slowly build in my eyes as the blonde reminisces, “I never thought I would ever see your heart finally be free from the burdens you quietly carried around you.” She whispered, gratitude filling her tone as she said, “I’m proud of you for enacting the curse, truthfully, it led you to your ultimate happiness, your son, and most importantly.. yourself.”
I smiled brightly at my old friend, her words made me feel just a bit more appreciated, her words made me feel a little more present in myself, and her words made me feel like a weight came off my shoulders, I leaned forward pulling Mal in for a gentle hug.
“Thank you for coming over just to talk, I know it wasn't what you were expecting but I’m grateful nonetheless.” I whisper into her neck trying to hide some already fallen tears.
She rubs my back in comfort whispering calming words. “It’s what friends are for.”
I scoff at that, leaning back slightly while wiping tear streaks away, “If I could say that for all friends then I guess so.”
The blonde looked at me in question at my curious statement.
“Why did you really call me here? It wasn't just for that little conversation, I know there is something amiss considering you weren't at the office.” Mal insinuated, getting right to the point.
I purse my lips, thinking of where to start first as to why I called her to my home. I’ve been fighting with myself for hours over this and telling someone is what I needed even if that someone is Mal, Archie was out of the question and I can't talk to Zelena since she is busy, and talking to Emma about herself is just a recipe for disaster so I quickly said the only thing that's been screaming in my mind since late last night, “I’minlovewithEmma.”
Maleficent stares at me with a blank look as if she was waiting for the punchline. But there was also this brief look and sigh of relief, like she can finally say what she's been thinking.
Instead, the blonde settled on being a friend by saying, “And when did you finally come to this conclusion?”
I scrunch my face up at a loss for words. How did she already know? How long has she known? I truly have been oblivious to my own emotions for the half witted blonde, haven't I? “You.. you already knew?”
“I’m pretty sure even Snow knows which is shocking considering it’s a secret, and she's not entirely great with secrets.” Mal mocked with a smug grin.
“A secret? When has my feelings for her ever been a secret when I myself was completely unknown to them?” I ask with a furrowed brow.
“Since Neverland as I was told.” Mal answered.
“And who exactly told you that?” I commanded, folding my arms in defense.
The blonde pursed her lips as if telling me who gave her such personal information about me is bound for trouble.
I demanded again from the blonde to tell me who gave her that information and Mal briskly rolled her eyes and said, “The Evil Queen, who heard it from Snow White while she was following her to enact some plan that saves not only herself but you as well apparently.”
My eyes widened in shock, my hands trembled, I paled at the thought of my other half still being out there after everything we went through just to put her back only for her to come out again and for what?
“How is she still here? I thought everything was fixed?” I spouted to the blonde.
“She said that it was but only in a half sense. Something about a piece of unfinished business with her heart's true desire.” Maleficent explained.
“Oh Gods.” I covered my face with both my hands groaning exasperatedly at the predicament.
It slowly started becoming abundantly clear why Snow was pushing so hard for the wedding, for Emma to stay with Hook. Why she had been so excited for Emma to have her happy ending like she did with Charming.
She knew about my feelings for Emma.
Now that I really think about all my interactions with Emma, it makes sense how everyone would figure it out, the only people who have seen me happy figured it out first and the others found it out from how I only allow her to call me Gina without a scowl, how I feel a bit brighter when the blonde gives me a smile or a sly grin at my snide remarks.
And everything that happened last night came into perspective, clearing away all the fog and showing me the light, showing me how blind I had been, how much denial I had threaded into my mind. My jealousy for the pirate, and his conquest for the savior's heart, my unspoken disdain for their relationship, my unbridled constriction pilfering my chest as they smile so happily at each other.
The pain of losing Robin Hood clouding just how much I needed something to run away from the second trap I set myself in.
The first trap was blindly set by my deadly determination for revenge on lost love turned into a vast empty abyss of forgotten power and forbidden memories.
But my second trap was all a monumental kick to the chest for my destruction in those years, in the name of a broken heart, broken spirit, and a tortured, broken soul, a withered retribution to finalize my damnation of love. A cruelty even the Evil Queen would deem too harsh.. the fate and damnation of loving someone who could never choose me, who wouldn't ever choose me.
Loving someone who would only deem her as acceptable if I was once her, the noble and uncruel heart of my younger self. The me that had faith in the eternity of true love. The me that was in love with someone just like Emma but who was torn away too quickly. The me that believed in the good in people. The me that had hope for freedom and no thoughts of such cruelty and no blood trailing behind her like an unkempt raging ocean.
Maybe it isn't that Emma was too good for Hook.
Maybe.. it was that..
Emma is too good.. for me.
Even in my reform, even in the good I've done, even in the ways I've changed.. I will never truly be good enough for her.
It makes sense. It's become clear to me now. it's way too clear to me now.
I can't keep her in my mind and heart the way I have unknowingly anymore. I can't ruin her life just because I want to be the one making her smile the way she does with the pirate. It's unfair to take that away from her. And if I ever did do that, I'd be doing what my mother had done to Snow, I'd take away her choice, her freedom, her life that she wanted all for selfish need.
“I can't do this to her. I have to move on and leave her be.” I remarked after sitting in contemplation.
“How are you going to do that?” She analyzed.
“I.. I have no clue.” I estimated.
How can you move on from someone you've never really had? Let go of a love that was only in your own yet unknown to both parties of that relationship.
Robin Hood came in so quickly that I had no choice other than to accept it as is because of my hope to have the love I was torn away from. But then that got torn away as well.
So, how do I move on with my life without love from another the way I've dreamed of my entire life?
I glance towards Mal with a thought in mind that I haven't had in a very long time.
I know exactly what to do. It's been in my face the whole time, something I'm not too aware of. But now I will be, and there's no stopping it, I want my freedom, I want something that could last and if I have to find it in someone like me.. then so be it.
So, at this moment, I made a decision, I looked into the blonde's light green eyes and smirked at her devilishly. If I can't have one blonde, then I can have another, preferably one that wants me too. One that has already been with me.
“I think I know now.” I responded with lust laden eyes.
The blonde chuckled flirtatiously, knowing what I was thinking.
“Show me.”
With quick movement, I grabbed Mal by her neck and crashed my lips into hers with a thunder of ferocity. She moaned in shock, then gathering herself pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.
Lifting me on top of her lap, roughly grabbing my hips and scratching them in pleasure from my kiss, she descends down my neck with her soft lips sucking on my pulse point having a moan escape from me.
“Fuck.” I moaned as she bit my pulse point a little harder. “You're still as rough as I remember.” I gasped at her titillating caress.
She chuckles heartily, “You're still as submissive as I remember.”
I pouted in defiance at her taunt and I tugged at her shirt, taking it between my fingers, ripping it open, smirking deliciously, “Not so submissive now am I?” I mocked back, placing nips and kisses down her clavicle towards her left breast entrapped in a charcoal black laced bra, removing both straps from her tantalizing creamy shoulders, I encase my lips around her dusty nipples with rapt succession, swirling my tongue and smirking under the blonde as she moans and breathes heavier from the pleasure. “No, you're not so submissive..”
Mal hums hungrily when I nip her breast softly.
“You're eager.” I feel Mal flip us over with her on top and me below her as she ravages my collarbone with kisses of her own, while raking her nails down my stomach.
“Eager enough for a few rounds like this before it's my turn to play with you.” I gasp coquettishly.
Mal quickly hikes my shirt above my head, throwing it to the side, moving back in with prurient intent, splaying her right hand down my chest and massaging my supple breast causing a soft purr to leave my lips.
“Then let's see how long you can go before you beg me.” She whispers against my lips as she slides my purple laced bra off my body, I moan out as she leaves kisses down my chest, her lips descend lower down to my stomach to my waist. I moan in anticipation as she teases me through my silk shorts.
The blonde brought her left hand to my breast massaging them in a circular motion impeding a sensation so thrilling I nearly gave in. “You can do better than that.” I moaned, entranced by the feeling.
Mal hums cockily, “We'll see about that dear.” The blonde mumbled, slowly guided her right hand that was teasing my clit, inside my shorts and teased my soaked entrance with ease.
“You aren't gonna make this easy are you?” I moaned, biting my bottom lip to hold back a moan begging to be released.
Mal smiles mischievously, “No, I'm not.”
“Mal, please.” I cried out as she continued to fill me, I could feel I was completely wet and aching.
The blonde curls her fingers in the lining of my shorts with a smirk gracing her, “Please, what?”
“Please, fuck me.” My eyes pleaded along with my words.
Mal hummed as she pulled my shorts off and led more kisses down my body and finally reached to where I wanted the most.
As she finally tasted my forbidden fruit I pictured the one person who would never have the chance.
I try to force my mind to focus on the woman below me, taking me to heaven's door but all I can see is the eyes of a fierce woman with a glare that can read me with all my flaws, with all my good, with all of me. The smile of a woman who could turn a horrible day to an amazing one when she calls me Gina. The longing look in her eyes as she looks forward at my lingering gaze when she mocks me and my etiquette gingerly.
Her wistful eyes, so bright they not only shine, they whisper to me something that should be mine, if only I never wasted time, indulging a love that will never come to pass, I wish I told you, before another took your wistful smile and turned it into theirs.
Suddenly, I'm seeing the stars as a strangled moan erupts and I look into the stars' shining gleam.. I notice Emma's face watching me with lust and desire that will never be.
Maybe this is step one to letting you go.. by dreaming of a version of you that loves me and searching for the love I should have shown me.
***
Present
No One's POV
Mal caresses her olive cheek softly as Regina covers herself up with her silk black robe.
“I'll see you again soon?” She replied, a smirk plastered on her swollen lips at the thought of a next time with her.
As Mal stood before Regina, she chuckled sinfully, pulling her into her chest roughly as their lips met in an intimate kiss. Regina wrapped her hands around her neck pulling her in closer, entwined and lost in the feel of her soft and aggressive lips. A sigh escapes as Mal backs away, her finger under her chin, a grin of mischief lingering in her eyes as she says, “As long as I get to see you in all of your beauty.”
Regina smirks devilishly, “Kiss ass.. but as far as seeing me.. I would love that.”
The flustered brunette feels the blonde's hands lower to her hips, she gripping them lightly, “Not a kiss ass.. just a friend helping out a hurting friend.” Mal complimented.
She smiled gratefully. “If you consider what we just did as friendly then I have no comp-” A voice suddenly spoke from behind Mal in confusion and a tone that she couldn't pinpoint.
“Gina?”
To their surprise, the woman who has recently been tormenting Regina's recurring thoughts, standing there, putting her phone in her back pocket with shock and irritation coasting her body language.
“Emma? What are you doing here?” Regina asked, frustration baring her expression as well.
Emma scoffed at her tone, glaring at the woman in question. “What is she doing here? And why are you kissing her?”
“Why is it your business who I kiss, Ms. Swan?” Regina hissed back at the frowning blonde.
“It's not! I just..” Emma's expression contorted at the way Regina said her last name. She hadn't heard that since when they first met, it was unusual, so she took a softer approach.
“Y-you called me, Ms. Swan, why?” Emma wondered, her frustration dissipating quickly being replaced with worry. “Did I do something?”
“Yes, you're bothering me while I have a guest.” Regina snarled, her face expressing defiance and borderline exhaustion.
“It looks like she's about to leave so stop deflecting and answer the question!” Her anger rose once again at Regina's continued defiance.
Mal clears her throat, reannouncing her presence to Emma, who's scowl is set in place for her. “I think I'm going to get going.” She said, readjusting her designer coat, doing a once over of Regina with a bemused smirk, “Call me if you need me dear, I'm always here for you,” Mal leans forward seductively to Regina, her warm breath giving her a shudder of excitement, “In any way you need.” She whispered, pulling away slowly staring into Regina's dark eyes.
“Same to you as well Mal.” Regina beamed, her frustration leaving for a few seconds as her eyes settled on her departing friend.
With a turn of her head, Mal looks to Emma with a mock and amused smile at her clear jealousy, leaning slightly forward towards her as she's walking away, Mal whispers, “You really are oblivious aren't you?”
An uncomfortable feeling settled into Emma's stomach at the older woman's statement. What did she mean by that? Emma wondered.
First, Zelena then Maleficent, what are they talking about and why is it always reflected towards her relationship with Regina?
A muffled voice screeched out from Emma's back pocket with a resounding, ‘Yes! She really is!’, grabbing everyone's attention.
A befuddled look crossed Regina's at the noise, “What was that?” She asks.
Mal whisked out Emma's phone from her back pocket and says, “Hey, Zee, tell bottle blonde here to get a clue.”
Zelena responds curtly, “I've tried but you can't break denial and density from a woman like that.” Mal could hear the exasperated tone of the wicked witch.
Mal turns her head towards Regina, a wild and wicked grin settled on her lips. “I wouldn't be too sure about that. Regina seems pretty much out of her stupor so maybe you need to provide better options instead of taunts.”
Zelena scoffed, “You try telling that blonde idiot exactly how she feels abou-” In the midst of their conversation, Regina had walked forward knowing that her sister's frustration with Emma about emotions were valid but also as easy as enacting a curse three times over on a good day, so she snatched the phone from Maleficent's hand and hung up before she said anything else incriminating.
“I will see you tomorrow, Mal.” She said giving Mal a quick kiss on the lips before swatting her hands in a motion.
Emma's face had shown displeasure. Mal catches the look with a smirk and leans down to whisper something in Regina's ear. For a moment, Regina's body seemed to tense before Mal rubbed her shoulder, softly muttering making a smile shine upon Regina's lips.
Emma's scowl deepens with displeasure at the sight before her.
Finally, to Emma’s pleasure, Mal sets for her car but not before pulling Emma slightly away from Regina to speak with her. Already annoyed at said woman, being forcefully pulled by her isn't ideal either but Emma didn't want to cause a scene anymore than she already did so she allows it, quietly wondering what it is that Mal has to say that she needed to speak with her alone. Alone-ish considering Regina is only four or five feet away.