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Sam Wilson, he was the Falcon among other things. He knew this, he always had. He had been this was since he was a child, but right now he couldn't bring himself to belive it. He was on the run from the law, sure. He knew Wakanda was safe, and that sooner or later the accords would be found to be unconstitutional and he would be given a full pardon. But for now, Wakanda felt like a nice place to stay. But that still didn't keep the guilt from bubbling up in him. He sighed and shook his head.Sam was walking down a trail near the Forrest. He had run this trail the other day, he had found it quite nice. So for now to clear his mind he was walking down it. Normally he ran to clear his mind, but right now listening to the birds chatter was relaxing. He stopped a little ways down the trail and veered off slightly. He came across the clearing once again. He had found this beautiful part of the woods earlier that week. The clearing was encased by these beautiful vined trees. In the center of the clearing stood a hulking waterfall, spewing droplets of clear refreshing water flying as it cascaded down the sheer drop. The pool of water at its base was outcropped by stones of various sizes. The floor of the pool was mossy rock. The grass around the waterfall was a bright green. There were various types of wild flowers and almost all other types of flora. A small wooden bench sat a bit away, observing the waterfall.Sam made his way over to the small bench. He gently sat down, making sure to not disturb the surrounding areas. He leaned back and silently watched the falling water. The sounds of the clearing were relaxing. He closed his eyes and hummed in content. He felt more weight added to the bench, it wasn't the weight of a human being, so he had a pretty good idea of who it was. Just to make sure he pried open a single eye. He hummed when his suspicions were confirmed."Hello Redwing," He greeted the familiar peregrine falcon.Redwings feathers ruffled slightly, "Hello Sam!" She flapped her wings once in a playful manner.Sam smiled at the familiar bird. The fact that he could speak to birds was known to nobody sans himself and his long dead commrade. But if you had known Sam back then when he was fresh into the military, it wasn't a big secret. He had a suspicion that most of his friends back then had known. It was kind of obvious when you had a pair of wings and a falcon following you around. Sam had named the drone in his now-destroyed wings after her. She thought it was funny, but it was his way if showing that he cared."You need anything Sweetheart?" He hummed, bringing a finger up to pet at her feathers. Redwing seemingly leaned into the touch."I have heard some things that might trouble you..." She responded sadly.Sam opened his other eye and sat up. "What's going on?"Redwing shifted slightly, "I am not completely filled in on the situation, as I only heard it in passing by a couple of crows..." she began.Sam bit the inside of his lip, crows were not known to lie. They were known as the knowledge keepers in bird lore, despite how humans might see them.Redwing continued, "The crows have talked about your friend, the Captain they called him."This caught Sam's attention. Why were they talking negatively about Steve? His friend? The man who had saved him from the raft? He sat forward a bit, Redwing transfered onto Sam's shoulder. If Redwing said it was something bad, he was inclined to belive."They said that during Siberia he had almost killed the Man of Iron, that he had sent his sheild into his heart. They said that Stark was still alive, but that he almost perished in the battle."That made Sam's blood run cold. Steve did what? And then Steve had the gall to not mention it to anyone? Despite that he and Tony disagreed on the accords, Sam still cared for Tony. They were still friends, and he had told Tony as much, he had told Tony before he left that he hoped they could still be friends. The man was still like family. Sam knew that Steve had kept it a secret for a reason, and that reason was probably to stay in good graces with the few remaining avengers in Wakanda.Redwing nudged him with her beak. "Sam?"Sam snapped out of his own thoughts, "I need to talk to Stark, and probably T'Challa as well..."She adjusted on his shoulders, he was wearing padding underneath his shirt so he didn't have to deal with her talons. "How will you answer them when they ask you how you know."Sam sighed, "The truth. You wanna come with?""Wherever you go, I will follow Falcon."Sam smiled at the bird. He stood and stretched. He wasn't in running. Clothes, but right now he didn't care. He took off from the clearing, Redwing took flight, she was flew slightly in front of him as he ran. His feet hit the ground in a steady pace as he made his way into the city. He turned a corner and stopped, waiting for Redwing to perch onto his shoulder.It had taken him a good ten minutes to get here, times like now was when he was missing his wings. And not the metal ones, his actual wings. His wings that he had lost a year out of basic training when he was captured as a POW. Redwing perched on his shoulder and made his way into the lab. He knew T'Challa was there, along with Shuri, and... Steve. Steve was there talking to Bucky who was frozen going through de-programing. They were in an off-shoot of the main lab that Shuri had moved Bucky to when she got tired of Steve visiting every day. The birds told him a lot, and while he never visited himself, he knew where everything was. He entered into the main lab through the glass doors.Shuri glanced up, before going back to her work, before her head snapped back up to him. She was surprised to see him here."You have never visited before..." She trailed off as she locked onto the falcon sitting on his shoulder.T'Challa looked up with a small amount of suprise, "We were not expecting you.""Long story." His voice was gruff and sharp. They picked up on something wrong. "Make sure Steve can't hear and I'll explain." He huffed.Both T'Challa and Shuri gave eachother tense looks before ultimately Shuri nodded. She went over to a panel of what Sam could only assume to be lab controls. She pressed a few buttons and looked up."Well then, you better explain."Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He launched into an explanation of everything he had heard. By the end of his explanation the two were staring wide-eyed. Neither had sensed any decept in him."I-" T'Challa was the first to speak. Well, it wasn't entirely speaking but it was similar to that. T'Challa had a look on his face that he could only assume was horror, betrayal, and a little bit of something else that was to small for Sam to identify.Shuri was the next to speak, "I'm not even going to ask how you know... he did WHAT?" She had obvious venom and hatred that laced her voice.Sam cringed at the loud noise. "Yea..." he trailed off for a moment, "That's why I was going to ask if I could get a secure line to call Tony on."Shuri nodded and ran over to her cabinet of, spare phones? Aperently??? Anyways, Sam shook his head at that. She chucked one at him and Sam plucked it from the air in a practiced ease. He dialed a few numbers before holding the phone to his ear."This is JARVIS speaking on behalf of the Avengers Tower. How may I be of assistance."Sam took a deep breath and Redwing nudged at his hand, "Hey JARVIS. This is Sam Wilson, I was wondering if I could talk to Tony? Shuri and T'Challa are here as well."JARVIS went silent for a minute and Sam shifted slightly. "Very Well, Sir has said he wishes to talk to you as well. You will be connected shortly."Sam looked up at Shuri and T'Challa and nodded. They relaxed slightly, knowing Tony was willing to talk. He set the phone down and put it on speaker. Shuri walked over to the lab controls and locked the doors and put privacy mode on. A few moments later Tony answered."Hey Tony..." Sam was the first to speak. "You're on speaker. Shuri and T'Challa are in the room with me."An audible sigh came through the speaker. "Did Steve put you up to this? Because I swear to God if he did-"Sam cut him off. "No Tony, Steve doesn't even know we're calling you." His tone was stern."So... you're not calling about Siberia."Sam looked up at the other two people in the room, he glanced at Redwing, she shrugged. "In a way we are... but not in the way you think."Tony's voice came through slightly confused, "So you're not calling to lecture me on how it wasn't Bucky's fault and that I reacted unfairly, and that I was being a bitch?"Sam sighed. "Tony, I don't even know the full extent of what happened in Siberia, Steve kept that to himself entirely. I just know that he tried to kill you, and then told none of us about it because we would be pissed at him, which we are."Tony was silent for a moment, "He didn't say anything?""No."Tony took a deep breath. "When we were in Siberia I found out that The Winter Soldier had killed my parents. Looking back, I don't blame Bucky for that. But in the moment I reacted harshly. I instigated a fight and Bucky rightfully defended himself. It got unfair when Steve joined in." This is when Tony's voice started to tremble. "He sent his sheild through my Arc reactor, a few inches deeper I would be dead."Sam didn't really know what to say. He was even more angry now, at HYDRA, at Steve, but not at Bucky or Tony. "I think that was a fair reaction to the situation honestly. What Steve did was shit." His voice must of portrayed his anger as Shuri and T'Challa vocalized their agreement. Sam almost cringed as the place in his back where his wings used to be started to hurt. That normally happened when the he was angry and he tried to flare his wings, forgetting that he didn't have them anymore.The four of them talked for a while longer. They promised to keep in contact. By the time they were done Steve had already left. He sighed and subconsciously pet Redwing as he turned to leave. He made his way back to his apartment with minimal trouble. He sighed and made his way into the bathroom. Redwing was resing on the window sill in the living room. He sighed as he closed the door to the bathroom and locked it. The phantom pain was back. He slowly took off his shirt and traced the scars on his back. They were large and oval shaped. He was about to leave when the memories started to return.And make no mistake, they were some bad memories.
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The memories were bad, yet he remembered every single one in great detail. He stumbled from his mirror until he was in the corner of the bathroom furthest away from the door. He remembered falling, and the cold of the cave he was held in. He remembered the feeling of his head being held under water, the feeling of blood pouring from the cuts on his skin, Sam remembered the agonizing feeling as his wings were ripped from his back. The sickening crunch they made as they were shattered in so many different places."Take his wings.""No! NO! STOP! PLEASE!"He was grabbed harshly as he struggled. He felt a pair of hands come down, one hand on a different wing. He felt himself pull at the men binding him. He was pulling hasher and harsher now."NO! STOP! DONT! PLEASE!"Tears were flowing down his eyes now. He felt the hands on his wings pull, pull hard, it hurt so much. He felt the bones crunch under the man's hands. He felt his back slowly separate from his wings."MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE- P-PLEASE. JUST M-MAKE IT STOP!"His cries were now one of agony as the sick crunching and agonizing feeling of limbs being torn from body overcame him. He screamed so loudly out of pain, of fear, of everything that his screams cut out. He fell down and crumbled into a ball as two limp wings were discarded beside him.He came back to the present rapidly. By his horse throat he suspected that he had actually been screaming. He was glad he didn't have neighbors for at least a mile. He tried to regain composure but was unable to. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He silently sobbed as he looked around his bathroom. His eyes locked with the drawer he knew held his razor blades. Nobody had to know. He had gauze under the sink. The pain would be nice, he deserved it anyways.He stumbled to the drawer as he pulled out a new razor. He stumbled back to where he was sitting earlier. He wiped his eyes with his free hand and then put it down ever so slightly. He brought his other hand up and positioned the blade so that it would cut parallel to his wrist, less of a chance to accidentally cut an artery that way. He cut into his skin and it felt good. It felt like he deserved it. The thick crimson liquid spilled out from the cut and he couldn't stop himself from doing it again, and again, and again, and again. The next cut was a little too deep. But he kept at it like that for a while. Eventually he disposed of the razor, it began to be too much of a hassle making sure that he didn't accidently drop the blood soaked peice of metal.Sam sat like that for a few minutes before frowning. It didn't feel like enough. He felt like he should have gotten more out of that. But he didn't. He frowned in thought. Sam had to have something that could take this further. He had his pain killer's that he took when his back flared up. He also had another razor. But using another razor ment more blood for someone to clean up. And the pills sounded really nice for both his back and his throbbing wrist. He sat there thinking for a few more moments. He weighed his options. The pills sounded nice. Maybe if he took enough of them he wouldn't wake up, that would be nice. He used the wall to support himself as he stood up. He made his way over to the mirror. He pressed a button on the side of it and it opened to his medicine cabinet. He took out tye full bottle of pain killer's and grabbed a handful. He wasn't sure how many were in his hand. But it was definitely enough to make him pass out, or kill him, he didn't mind either outcome.He dry swallowed the pills, forcing them down his throat. He set the open bottle of pills on the counter and stumbled back to his corner. He slid down the wall and smiled lazily. Sam sighed warmly as his vision began to go dark. His eyes fluttered shut, and then open, and then finally they stayed shut as Sam slumped against the wall. His cut up wrist falling limply to the floor.The darkness was comforting. He had been there once before in a situation similar to this one. It wasn't long after his wings had been taken from him in the first place. At the time he felt like he couldn't handle it. And honestly he never could. Y'know, considering Sam was here again. But anywas. The darkness was nice. It was silent. Sam hadn't felt this at peace in a long time. It was weird, it really was. He didn't know why it was comforting, it just was. It was like a warm blanket, although he couldn't tell if that was the blood, but his wrist didn't look all messed up here so he didn't think it was. He hummed to himself. Had he ever been here this long? No, last time he woke up by now. Maybe this time it would stick. The peacefulness of it a would be nice. And besides, he was curious to know what the afterlife was like.He was there for what felt like another few minutes before it went dark. Sam assumed he was passing on, but he wasn't entirely sure. It had been like this the last time, the time Sarah woke him up. It was right in that moment that regret hit him like a train wreck. Sarah, Redwing, Tony, everyone. Why did he do this? He didn't want to die. The darkness around him changed as he pushed to survive, it changed to one of life rather than death. The darkness consumed him, but deep down he knew he wasn't going to die....He kept his eyes closed as he woke up, if he opened them his pounding head might have gotten worse. He was vaguely aware of the pain in his wrist. He could smell the puke in front of him, all his meals from the day and presumably the pills he had taken. His face felt wet, probably from the tears. His torso was cold, he roughly remembered taking off his shirt and then the PTSD attack. He felt two warm comforting presenses beside him. One was small. Redwing, but how had she gotten in here? He locked the door. He turned his senses onto the other presence, that explains it. Human. He silently panicked for a moment. He hadn't wanted for anyone to see him like this. His hand twitched as his eyes slowly opened. After a second he clamped his eyes shut again because of the light. He groaned before trying to open them again. He felt a comforting hand on his leg. His eyes adjusted and he lazily glanced around the room. He spotted Redwing first, who seemed relieved. He then spotted T'Challa. He froze, his brain cursing at itself.T'Challa had a look of concern on his face. Sam used his trembling hands to slowly push off the ground(he regretted that option as he looked down at the wrist he had cut. Had T'Challa bandaged it?) T'Challa made the mistake of supporting Sam's back. Sam flinched harshly, T'Challa quickly drew his hand away, placing it hesitantly on Sam's shoulder. Sam silently looked around the room. They were still In his bathroom. He brought his uninjured hand up to wipe his tears. He shakily exhaled. The door looked broken in, T'Challa had probably done that. The pills were gone from the counter, probably either thrown out or in the medicine closet. The bloody razor was nowhere to be seen, but he had thrown it into the trashcan and he couldn't see that from where he was sitting.T'Challa broke the silence, "What happened?" He asked, worry laced his words.Sam opened his mouth to say something but no words came out so he clicked his jaw shut. He avoided eye contact. Sam wanted to tell him, he did, but it was like he couldn't physically speak."Was this the first time you've done this."Sam shook his head no. He held a shaky hand up, he brought one finger up."Once before?"Sam nodded."How long ago?"Sam held up an 1 and then a 7."17... days, months, years?"Sam holds up a 3."17 years ago."Sam nodded."Relapse"Sam nodded."Does it have something to do with those scars on your back?"Sam looked away slightly and then nodded.T'Challa sighed. "Let me help you up, were going go sit somewhere that isn't the bathroom floor."Sam nodded and let T'Challa help him up. Redwing flew ahead of them and landed on her perch. T'Challa sat him down on the couch and then sat a small distance away. Sam looked down at his hands as they sat in his lap. He felt bad, he wanted to vocalize that, but he couldn't. T'Challa frowned and stood up for a moment. He looked around before he went and grabbed a device. Sam followed him with his eyes as he took it from T'Challa."Type what you're trying to say."Sam looked down at it before writing. "I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking."T'Challa looked saddened by that. "I'm sure it isn't your fault."Sam didn't feel like that was true so he nervously licked his lips and went onto the next thing he had to ask. "How did you find me..?""Your brid came and found me. You're lucky she did, if not you would not have survived."Sam nodded. Redwing shifted, "You were screaming and needed help that I couldn't give."T'Challa asked the next question, "If you feel comfortable sharing, could I ask what happened."Sam considered the request for a moment. "PTSD, Flashback. Hurt. Captured. Torn off." He then pointed to his back.T'Challa processed that for a moment. "What were torn off?"Sam took a shaky breath, "Wings."It seemed that everything clicked in the Panthers mind as his eyes widened. "Oh..." Sam Began to tap his fingers against his legs. "I'm... sorry, that sounds terrible."Sam typed back, "It was... I thought I had gotten over it when I relapsed and harmed myself, I went way too far..."Without much of a warning T'Challa hugged him, steering clear of his back thankfully. Sam relaxed into the touch soon enough. He rested his head on the place in between T'Challa's shoulder and neck as he started to sob. The Panther didn't show any reaction to being cried on, he just tightened his grip slightly. Sam seemed to be wearing himself out as soon enough he had fallen asleep. T'Challa layed him down and moved to another chair in the room. He wasn't leaving anytime soon. And he had plans, plans that involved a new set of wings. He just had to figure out what the old ones looked like.