Archive of Our Own

Work Text

Smoke is supposed to make my lungs hurt. It was designed to kill me slowly. But why? Why is it that when it comes to you, it's my heart that's beating faster than a bullet train? Why did I have to get addicted to you? Why? Why? Why? Why, Miya Atsumu?—Suna Rintarou, 23 ☏ Of course, it would be like this. He was meant to relapse every single time he fucked up. No shit, messing up was the least happy thing that would happen if you lose a big game that could've put your team in the semi-finals of the season. He was so fucking pissed to the point he didn't even realize he was smoking half a blunt in front of his fucking captain. Of course, it would be that snitch of a cousin his friend’s boyfriend has that would rat Suna out like this. Komori Motoya was his friend, sure, but sometimes he cares too fucking much. Nothing's fun when he's sobered up to reality again anyway. “Rintarou, we've been trying our best to keep your drug use hidden. As an athlete, I hoped you would change for the better. This is so disappointing coming from a promising player like you. Do you know how much of a loss this would be for us as a team if you were to spiral into addiction?” “Cap, it's just one blunt. Chill out. I've been clean for three months! This isn't the worst of it.” Suna dropped the blunt onto the ground, stomping the fire out with his boot. His captain sighed as he rubbed his temple. “You're… You're going back to rehab.” “Over one fucking blunt?! Are you serious?” The fox’s eyes narrowed into a glare as he stretched his arms out. “Even if it were to be on the news that I was smoking, they wouldn't know it's drugs unless someone—” He looked at Komori “—rats me out!” The weasel was quick to defend himself. “You know that I would never do that to you, Suna. I was just concerned that you were smoking again ‘cause Atsu mentioned you were finally clean!” He gasped for air. “I'm doing what's best for you!” “How do you know what's good for me?!– Fuck! Ugh…” He held his head, feeling the high take the shot at his head. “One blunt is the worst you can do now. What's the reason anyway? Just because we fucking lost? God, you're so selfish!” His captain spat at him. “It wasn't your fault that we lost! You're not a one man team. We all did our best, but it wasn't enough, okay? It wasn't just you.” “But I could've done better if I didn't get ahead of myself and forced that son of a bitch to keep doing cross hits then Motoya could've bumped those shots back up if I—” “Stop talking, Suna. Please, fuck, just…” His captain sighed, feeling sorry for the fox. Suna’s mouth quivered. God, he didn't know if he wanted to frown or laugh. Were they feeling sorry for him? He decided to grin either way. “Are you feeling sorry for me? Like, are you genuinely feeling sorry that I'm like this right now?! Do you think I need you to feel sorry for me?!” Suna shouted, his pupils dilating, his sclera tinting red. Suna's captain came forward as he hugged the fox, the fox struggling in return as he tried to escape the death grab of his captain. “Calm down, Suna. We don't feel sorry for you, okay? We're worried.” “Yeah! We're so worried for you, Rin, please! Just go back to rehab, I swear it'll make everything better.” “SHUT UP MOTOYA! I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY! I DON'T NEED YOU TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!” Suna struggled as his captain kept a firm hold of him. “Motoya, how far are they?” His captain asked as Komori looked at his phone. The weasel replied– “They're here.” “What?” Suna asked as he looked at both his captain and teammate. “Oh, you motherfucker— MOTOYA! MOTOYA WHEN I CATCH YOU— MOTOYA!” The fox shook his way out of his captain's hold as he ran to Komori who stood still in fear. The nurses were quick to bust through the door that led to the back of the building where they were as they tackled Suna down, wrapping a white belt around his torso, keeping his arms down as well. “Get off me! Get the fuck—” He hit his head on the ground, feeling blood spill from his forehead. He wished he was fucking sober right now so he could stand up and just swing a sweet right hook at Komori to make him realize that his timing was shitty. Komori sobbed as he covered his mouth. “I'm sorry, Rin… I can't see you ruining your life like this!” “You narcissistic bitch! It's not even your life! Why the fuck are you the one crying when I'm the one being dragged back to rehab without my consent?!” Suna yelled at the weasel who looked at him with tear-filled eyes. Their captain sighed as he looked at the nurses, helping them get Suna to stand up. “Please. Please, take care of him for us.” The nurses nodded as they started escorting Suna inside. “YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M CLEAN, I SWEAR! IT'S ONE BLUNT! ONE FUCKING BLUNT! CAPTAIN! FUCK, CAPTAIN!” He called out to the one person he respected in this team that he joined. God, this was betrayal for him. Everyone in the team who was inside the building saw how Suna was being dragged back to rehab. With the white belt, it was like he was being admitted to the psychiatric ward instead. It was so embarrassing to even be watched at the lowest point in your life. The concerned eyes, the murmurs… Mary made him too hyper aware with the sounds that it started to ring in his ear. Suna wished he took the smoking home instead of getting high at the back of the EJP Raijin’s building like an idiot. Suna wished he didn't even lose at all. Suna didn't want to lose that game for the love of God. He didn't. This is why Nothing is fun when you're sober. ☏ Of course, it wouldn't only be Suna who was getting high off of grass. He wasn't selfish with his sweet sweet high. The Miya twins would also have an investment with his business since they were friends, after all. They were currently in Osaka, in another branch of Osamu's famous Onigiri Miya restaurant/shop. This branch was closer to the MSBY building that's located here in Osaka itself. The Hyogo branch was being managed and looked after by their mother and the trusted staff that Osamu even considers as family now. Atsumu raised his head from the lip of his bong, eyes so red it was as if he slapped onions on them to get a reaction. Everything is fun when he's not sobered up to reality again anyway. Osamu laughed as he pointed at Atsumu who stared into space like a goldfish. Even blinking one eye at a time. This shit cracked Osamu up so bad he saw his brother as a frog. “Shit, Sumu, yer so ugly.” He groggily commented, body so deep into the bean bag he was turning into Quasimodo. Atsumu sniffled as tears formed in his eyes. “He used to call me ugly… Fuck, he's such a BITCH!” Atsumu sat the bong down as he laid on the couch, eyes up at the ceiling as he stopped himself from crying. Osamu hiccuped as he finished his swisher. “Why did he break up with ya again? I swear, I could've punched him…” Atsumu stared into space for a few seconds before opening his mouth. “He was annoyed at the controversy between me and Suna… He didn't want press attention on him to the point where he called me a fucking embarrassment in live TV…” “Could've poisoned all the onigiri ya asked me to make for him, but nah! Ya were such a bitch that was sniffin’ up his ass, lickin’ his butthole.” Osamu hiccuped. Of course, he was mad at Sakusa Kiyoomi– THE Sakusa Kiyoomi who swore he'd never break Atsumu's heart 3 years ago. He always knew that it would be Sakusa who fucks the relationship with his brother. He could've sworn Atsumu was straight. He was for real straightwashing and gaslighting the faux blond into thinking he was straight. But, it didn't work. Atsumu was too in love with the jajangmyeon haired weird wrists man. Osamu loved his twin to the ends of Gehenna. He would kill himself after his brother dies first, knowing Atsumu would do the same if it were the other way around. He grew up with his ass, of course he would know when Atsumu is the nicest to a person. Atsumu just had to shower all of his love onto the wrong guy who was ready to cut ties as soon as trouble came. Watching people bash Atsumu for being gay was already hard. To watch Saku-Shit (Sakusa) bring him down, only to elevate himself up and away from the issue was his breaking point. Atsumu recalled how Sakusa broke up with him. He had to do it in front of the team. ☏ 
“Atsu, we're over. I told you, I'm done! I'm tired of you– I'm tired of your attitude, your complaints, your issues! I'm done.” Sakusa pushed him away.
 
“What did I ever do to you, Omi? I gave you everything. I changed my ways to fit with your standards and all I did was try my best to appease your taste! I waited half my life to get with you and now what? You're going to say those things about me and throw me aside once you're done chewing on me?!” Atsumu said calmly.
 
Atsumu could feel all eyes on him. Everyone was looking at him. But, why him alone?
 
“All that you gave me were problems! Back to back! Problems! First, our publicity, and now this– this scandal!”
 
“I never did that!” Atsumu yelled back.
 
“Stop yelling at Sakusa, Atsumu. We can't cause a commotion now, don't we?” Meian was quick to barricade Atsumu away from Kiyoomi.
 
Of course all the members agreed that Atsumu should stop yelling. He wanted to say that it was Sakusa who yelled at him first, but would they even listen? Everyone was taking Sakusa’s side. Everyone was quick to comfort Sakusa, but not him.
 
No one was ever at his side in the first place.
 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 ☏ Atsumu frowned at the memory, but his dry ass eyes refused to even piss out a tear. He was so high he started to see the heavens before him. “I want to fuckin’ end it all…” He muttered. Osamu shot his head up. “Woah, woah, woah. That's not very nice…” He groggily spoke. Atsumu was always one to joke about not wanting to live long. Everytime that he'd end up in an embarrassing situation, he'd mutter things like “Why was I even born?” or “I should probably commit seppuku now.” Osamu knew they were just embarrassed ramblings, but there were times where Atsumu was serious about taking himself out. He once found Atsumu crying in front of their kitchen knife after one fight with their mom. Ever since Atsumu was a child, he had fantasies of killing himself in front of the person who made him cry just to make them feel guilty about hurting his feelings. He never really explains his emotions well, that's why he ends up doing stupid, petty things like that. Osamu was always the victim of this sort of outburst. He was quick to get angry with his twin for his arrogant behavior, that's why sometimes it felt suffocating being with him. But, twins understand themselves more than anything. Osamu knew why Atsumu was that way. Osamu understood Atsumu even without the twin's reasons. Osamu was quick to comfort his twin. He was quick to join in on the suffering. Over the years, those kinds of statements died down as Atsumu matured. Osamu, of course, had frequent talks about how saying those things hurt him, so Atsumu just had to learn how to be more emotionally stable. He'd do anything for the betterment of his twin, as long as Osamu stayed with him, doing what Atsumu wanted. The blond raised his hand, feeling the soft tug of angels on his sleeve. “Samu, they're takin’ me, Samu…” “Well? Don't go? The fuck? Wait– who the fuck’s takin’ ya?” Osamu knitted his brows, the left one raised a little. Atsumu giggled as he slumped back down on the couch comfortably. He could feel his head throb, but his eyes were quick to shut as he inhaled slowly, and deeply. “They left me… Awwe~ Why am I always gettin’ left behind like this…?” Osamu could also feel his head throbbing, but instead, he was the one crying for Atsumu. “Sumu… Don't end it all without me in yer mind, ya bitch. At least kill yerself if ‘m with ya.” He took a deep breath in through his mouth, nose too clogged to even breathe. Atsumu was radio silent. The man was already snoozing his high away in the worst time possible. Osamu stood up, falling to his knees as he crawled his way to the side of the couch where Atsumu laid. He raised his hand, poking the blond’s cheek as he rested his head next to his twin. “Are ya dead? Bitch. Ya dead.” He sobbed. If only Atsumu were awake, he would be fucking laughing his ass off at Osamu who was crying for him. Osamu sniffled as he took a handful of Atsumu's crispy dyed hair. “I'd kill Sakusa for ya, Tsumu! Don't cha worry, he's gon’ be in hell soon…” He smiled, looking at Atsumu. “Fly high, Tsumu.” It took a few more minutes for Osamu to finally sleep his high away. They weren't really that chaotic when taking mary. That's why they do it in the comfort of their own home. Osamu was going to have a tough time though. He had an Onigiri shop to manage at 10 in the morning, and it's already 5 am, just at the ass crack of dawn. Atsumu didn't have it better. He had practice at exactly 7am today. This is why everything is fun when you're high. ☏ 
1 year ago
 Suna slumped on the couch, Atsumu sitting by his side. Both of them were shirtless and in teensy-weensy shorts since it was the middle of summer, particularly in the last week of April. Both of them hated the heat, unlike Osamu who enjoyed it. Atsumu smiles at the thought of a younger Osamu who enjoyed sitting in front of the oven when something was baking inside of it. He was… a really weird kid. Suna was renting a small studio room apartment in Osaka so he could spend his free time hanging out with the twins when he's not in Nagano training his ass away. It was fun there, but life was a little too dull without the twins to mess around with. He didn't mind the long drive, as long as the two were waiting for him, it was all good. The fox sneezed as he looked at his clean apartment. The place was trashed with dried mary and wrappers everywhere. It wasn't easy getting sober, but hey, this time he was determined to stop. The faux blond could remember the reason why Suna relapsed in the first place. He wouldn't dive into it, but the aftermath of his relapse was the former sanitary landfill ass apartment he had before this spring clean. “Shit, ‘m sweatin’ buckets over here. Ya better let me borrow yer clothes after this, SunaRin.” Atsumu let out a long sigh, tired and hungry at the same time. Suna wiped his face with the towel on his shoulder. “Sure. Ya always do that anyway.” He looked at Atsumu, knowing what that sigh meant. “I still have some coupons Samu gave for free Ongiri. After ya take a bath, why not go there with me?” He suggested, earning a side-eye from the latter. Atsumu was quick to his feet as he waved his hand, walking to the bathroom. “I'll be out in 10 mins.” “Fatass!” Suna yelled from the couch, hearing the bathroom door shut loudly. Shortly after that, running water echoed from the bathroom as the fox continued to relax on the couch. This time, he swore to himself that he'd finally be clean. He burnt all the drugs he had with Atsumu earlier, even hiding his kit under the floorboards. Well, maybe not all? He kept a blunt or two, a bag of mary and wraps inside his kitchen cabinet though. In case of an emergency, of course. When did he even start drugs? Of course, not in highschool. The best he could do back in highschool was share a vape with Atsumu and Osamu in their third year. The twins kept the vape since if his mom caught him, he'd probably die young. He was younger than the twins anyway, so it was really a death sentence. He has a strained relationship with his mom since he was the oldest child of their family. After the divorce of his mom and dad, they had to move to Hyogo from Aichi, Hyogo being his mom's hometown. That's where he met the twins in their first year. That's when he learned how to cope with his depressing life. They started smoking because they found the smell of vapes tasty. Atsumu was the first one to smoke since he was technically The oldest and most sensitive person. Osamu was the first one to quit though since he preferred the taste of real food.  Suna could recall Atsumu saying— “Oh? This? This is a vape. It's like cigarettes, but with flavor and the air is cool. It's cheap too… Why'd I start? It distracts me, I guess? It kind of takes the stress away.” To think he'd follow the steps of Atsumu, only to discover something worse (better). He was 19 and a year into University when he started doing mary. He’s 23 now. Atsumu and Osamu were roped into this a month after Suna started smoking mary. Let's say they were quick to get addicted. Atsumu quit after 2 years though, since he was getting into frequent fights with Sakusa, who was a graduating dietitian at the time. Osamu wasn't really a frequent user since he had a business to run. Suna had the worst of it, of course. He was left like an unsupervised child. The twins were just happy that he didn't take pills or snort shit off of tables. This time, he swore to lay it down with just sucking off chuupets from now on. He's still prideful at the fact he doesn't have dentures in his mid-20s despite eating so many sweets. Atsumu stuck to his words, coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. “I'm done.” Suna grimaced as he looked away. “Ya could've taken a bath in the bedroom's bathroom. Why'd ya even use that bathroom?” “It's closer.” Atsumu walked towards Suna’s bedroom, into the closet. Suna stood up as he followed Atsumu into the bedroom, hand on the handle of his bedroom’s bathroom door. “Ya got a lil’ fat. Is Samu feedin’ ya all his onigiri?” He chuckled. “I don't work out. Volleyball keeps this tummy in shape just fine.” Atsumu commented from the closet. Suna scoffed before entering the bathroom, ready to take a bath. Atsumu peeked out from the closet, enough to watch the door close. He leaned on the doorway, smiling softly. He was glad that Suna took the opportunity to sober up and finally come clean. He was watching the kid, now an adult, suffer in silence with him. He wasn't one to scold him because he was a hypocrite, but damn was he proud of Suna. He was so fucking proud it brought tears to his eyes, but he refused to let them spill just yet. He smiled at the thought of a 17 year old Suna coughing and choking the first time he smoked the vape they bought. He was laughing his ass off since Suna turned so red after that. Atsumu was shocked that Suna was the first one to use drugs between the three of them. He always thought that Osamu would be the first one considering he's an absolute beast to things he has yet to taste. The man could poop his food poisoning out as if it didn't violate his stomach. A few moments later, Suna was wearing a light white shirt and gym shorts, whilst Atsumu wore a light black shirt and Suna's Inarizaki volleyball shorts. “Are ya goin’ back to Sakkun’s apartment after this or are ya goin’ to yer apartment?” Suna asked. Atsumu shook his head. “I moved out of the apartment. I went back to Samu’s since the rent ain't worth shit anyways. It was nice livin’ alone ‘cause I thought I could have sexy time with my boyfriend, but the man never once came over.” “What a bitch.” Suna muttered to himself, rolling his eyes. Honestly, Sakusa, sure, loved Atsumu back. He even proved it by kissing Atsumu on live television during his debut game. Apparently the man was in love with him since highschool, and they were in a relationship since Sakusa's third year in college like— Be for real. They both went to the garage as Suna opened the car door for Atsumu. Atsumu got in as the fox walked around the car to get into the driver's seat. The blond rolled the window down, the fox allowing this since Atsumu was sensitive to vehicle air conditioning. Suna focused on the road as Atsumu chatted on his phone, his typing getting a little faster as his face painted anger. “God fuckin' damn it Omi!” He shouted as he slapped his face with both hands. Suna flinched at how hard it was, glancing at the man beside him. “Jesus, fuck. What the hell did he do now?” “This— He really said my clothes in his apartment were outside in a fuckin’ laundry basket since he can't have ‘em layin’ around his closet anymore.” Atsumu clicked his tongue. Suna frowned. Oh, was he prepared to tell Osamu about this shit. Atsumu opened the compartment in front of him, finding Suna’s spare vape inside. “Is this charged?” The fox nodded as Atsumu inhaled away, the smoke trailing out the window. “Mixed berries aren't my favorite…” “But doesn't your boyfriend love eatin’ like, mixed berries ‘n shit?” “Ironic, ain't it?” “Very.” Suna's pretty sure it's just because the two weren't really meant for each other. By that, he means, he has a gut feeling that something is going to happen to this man besides him that he'd be the reason for. ☏ Atsumu stood in the gym, high out of his mind. Osamu woke him up when he woke up, but he didn't expect his high to last so long. Was it because he used the bong, or was it because he ripped it 12 times? The blond had enough sense to take a shower and get dressed, but he didn't have that much sense to make himself look presentable. His hair wasn't combed and waxed up, he even forgot to put foundation and concealer on. The makeup hid the “unpresentable” freckles on his face. He started applying make-up back at highschool when he heard Sakusa say it looked like splattered shit on his face. Osamu dropped him off at the MSBY Black Jackal's building, a little high, but sober enough to stir the wheel. On the way there, they were still laughing their asses off without the worry of consequences. Atsumu was so out of it he saw fishes in the sky. “Tsum-Tsum, are you okay?” Bokuto placed a hand on Atsumu’s shoulder, earning a slow side glance from the man. “Ya were sayin’ sumn’?” Bokuto Koutaro has been Atsumu's senpai for a while now. The man joined the MSBY Black Jackals earlier than him, of course. They were quick to get along since Bokuto mentioned his partner, Akaashi Keiji, was also a setter. The manga editor was far more laid back than the firework of a person Bokuto was. He was calm and collected every time Bokuto invited Atsumu over to the said partner’s house when Atsumu felt homesick. The couple was quick to adopt the young fox, Atsumu couldn't be happier. He'd learn tips on how to lift Bokuto's spirits up so he'd avoid getting all mopey and depressed when blockers block his hits. In a game where Akaashi couldn't attend, Atsumu was always the first one to clap for Bokuto's beam to fully shine. Bokuto reminded Atsumu of what home felt like. “I was asking if you were okay. You look so out of it. Are you sick again? I have some meds in my bag since Akaashi hates it when I get sick.” Bokuto worried, tilting his head in front of the smaller setter. Atsumu's ears started to ring as he glared at the owl, Bokuto's own eyes widening in shock. “Tsum-Tsum?” Hinata frowned as he walked over to Meian. “Meian-san. I think Atsumu-san started smoking again. Look at his eyes.” From afar, Meian couldn't really see anything since Atsumu was wearing a mask. But, upon closer inspection, Atsumu's eyes were clearly bloodshot. “But he quit a year ago…” Shugo Meian, the current Captain of the MSBY Black Jackals. He was the one who welcomed Atsumu with open arms when the setter joined the team. He was young and fresh out of highschool. Having found similarities with the blond, he was quick to learn how to mesh with his unique play style. He sometimes worried about Atsumu almost breaking his back or limbs with how risky he played. The setter was pushing himself beyond human capability with how far he'd bend when the ball was received too low. Bokuto and Inunaki were more of the acrobatic bunch, but Atsumu was close to fit the image. Meian and Atsumu shared their fair moments of mentor and mentee. The blond was quick to follow him around like a kid, coming to his captain for help with no hesitation. The kid was 18 years old when he debuted, quickly earning his position in the starting lineup with how pure and unmatched his talent was. He was dedicated and he made great use of the spikers they had, bringing out their shining potentials as players. Bokuto, of course, being his greatest match as they were more familiar with each other. Atsumu went to him first when he found his smoking addiction hard to remove. He had to come clean to his captain, of course, since he was an athlete struggling with an addiction that could ruin his career. Bokuto stepped in front of Atsumu, brushing his hair up. “Is it because of Omi-kun? I heard about what happened from Tomas. I wasn't there to protect you, I'm sorry. But remember what you said? You promised to quit whatever this is…” Atsumu blinked one eye at a time as his eyes narrowed into crescents. “Now’s prolly not the time, Bok-Kun… Ya may be older than me, but that doesn't mean ya can make me do jackshit—”  “But I can, Atsumu.” Atsumu's eyes widened as he felt a calloused hand grab him by the shoulder. Bokuto stepped aside as Meian made his way to stand in front of the blond. Atsumu's eyes were quick to narrow down into a glare as he brushed the hand off. “Go away, Meian-san.” “Who are you to order me around, hm? Are you even sober right now, Atsu?” He placed both of his hands on Atsumu's shoulders. Atsumu's eyes welled in tears as he curled his hands into tight fists. “Ya don't understand, Meian-san! Don't ya know how much of an asshole ya'll made me feel?! Omi-Omi did me dirty and y'all took his side! Didn't ya hear him yellin’ at me first?!” He took his facemask off, tears almost slipping past his eyelids. He was damn glad that Sakusa was given his day-off today and tomorrow. But, even if the man wasn't here, that doesn't mean Atsumu can't see him. Atsumu's honey eyes were plastered to the area behind Meian. He could see the man he used to love scowling at him, eyes staring at him with anger. Meian bit his lip as he raised his right hand, cupping Atsumu's cheek. “Atsu, we didn't mean it to be that way. We know how violent you could get when you're mad and we know how toxic Sakkun’s mouth can get if you two continue to fight. I stepped in so things wouldn't escalate. I'm sorry if it made you feel that way…” Atsumu hiccuped. “I felt like fuckin’ shit because of him, Meian-san… I fuckin’ gave everythin’ I had! Now yer mad at me?! Me?! Why is it always me? Does it always have to be me?” His pupils were so dilated, Meian almost thought he was face to face with a dog he kicked. “I'm always being left behind! What the fuck is up with y'all takin’ sides like immature fucks?!” He continued to rant, face turning red as his vision blurred and cracked. He could hear voices he wished he could drown out with the help of a quick mary. Atsumu grew silent as he felt sweat finally form on his skin, dripping down from the back of his neck as he softly gasped for air. His eyes were staring at Meian. They were quick to change from a glare to soft doe eyes. The blond reached out, a hand holding onto his captain as he took in another breath of air, his voice calm and in a whisper-like state. “Meian-san, I want to end it all…” All ears perked up when they heard Atsumu say that. Meian, who was in front of him, could feel his legs trembling in fear. The hand that cupped Atsumu's hand went cold as the blond in front of him displayed no emotion but dullness. He looked so defeated. Tears formed in Meian's eyes as he stepped forward, hugging Atsumu who stood still, eyes so dull, they were lifeless. “I just want to end it all…” Atsumu muttered again, his eyes drying out. He didn't even have the energy to cry anymore, he just wanted to get so lost. He didn't want to be sober anymore. Nothing's fun when it's back to reality. Meian pulled away, running his thumb on Atsumu's cheeks. His pupils were no longer dilated, a sign that his high wore off. “I'm sorry, Atsu. We– No. I know that whatever Sakusa did was so unprofessional and it must have been so embarrassing for you. A break up should be done between you two, I don't know why he involved us in the first place. I'm so sorry. Can you let me know if there's anything I can do so it would help lessen your burden?” Atsumu was silent. His tongue was stiff, refusing to move or ask for whatever he had in mind. He could hear everything. The state a person is in after a high is like having post-nut clarity, except that you are perfectly, hyper aware of everything around you. “Please, Atsumu… Just don't end… Just don't say you'll end your life, please.” Meian pleaded with the blond silently, Atsumu's eyes darting around the room. He could feel his heart start to race, it was getting hard to breathe with his captain’s hands on his body. It was suffocating. It was too much. The smell of sweat, heating pads, salonpas, athletic tapes, baby powder, the volleyballs, the fresh wood stain on the court, the net that spends the majority of its time on the floor of the storage room. Oddly specific, but just the right things he noticed. “I'm sorry.” Atsumu mumbled, feeling a sensation in his throat that made him want to puke. He tried his best not to gag, but he raised his hand to cover his lips, retching. “I'm so sorry…” He couldn't breathe. Meian instinctively held onto Atsumu who stumbled and gagged. The said blond leaned forward, falling to his knees. He could feel his ribs caving in and crushing the living shit out of his lungs. He gasped for air, eyes so wide they were about to pop out. He wanted to scream, but his wheezes were drowned under the consecutive shouts that were calling out for his name. Atsumu wanted to pass out so badly. This was so embarrassing. He could feel Meian laying him down, but his own hand refused to let go of the grip he had on his shirt. He felt as if something was stabbing him directly through the chest. Atsumu groaned and gasped. He was too young to have lung cancer, he thought to himself. 
“... Panic attack.”
“ ...He was fine…”
“I didn't know it was this bad, I thought…”

“... Atsumu, breathe…”
 He could barely make out whatever they were saying. Was his baby of a body having a panic attack now? Out of all places, why here? Why now? He wanted to bury himself underground in embarrassment. He was so embarrassed. This break up brought him nothing but wonders, now, didn't it? Sakusa, that piece of shit. A few moments later, Atsumu was there, lying motionless on the floor. Bokuto had used his thighs as a pillow for the blond whilst he played with the mentioned blond's locks. Hinata, on the other hand, was conversing with Osamu, who was called over by Meian and Coach Foster. He was glad that at least Meian still cared for his ass. (He really does) They were scared half to death that Atsumu never once passed out. He had his eyes open through the whole ordeal but he wasn't conscious at all to know what was happening around him. He could feel his head throbbing worse than any hangover he had. He shouldn't have smoked right off the bat after being clean for 2 years. “Bokkun…” Atsumu called out. His voice was so raspy with how dry his throat was, but it was enough to catch Bokuto’s attention. “Miyaa'Tsumu! Myaa'Sam, Shoyo! Tsumu’s awake!” Bokuto was quick to inform the two as he grabbed a bottle, giving it to Atsumu, gently placing the nozzle on Atsumu's lips. Atsumu drank the water as he pushed Bokuto's hand away a few seconds later, letting out a long sigh. “Ugh… My head hurts, Samu.” Osamu walked over to his twin, brushing his untamed hair up. “Sumu. ‘m sorry for lettin’ ya go to practice even if ya were still high out yer mind. Are ya okay now?” He chuckled softly, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. Atsumu chuckled in return as he turned to look at his brother, eyes so tired it was as if he were dying before them. “I'm good. Bokkun, Shoyo-kun, thank ya for takin’ care of me. Where's Meian-san? I wanna say sorry to him.” Hinata and Bokuto looked at each other, their faces painted with worry and annoyance. Hinata crouched down, resting his hand on Atsumu's leg. “The word of your break up with Omi-san got out and news reporters flooded the front of the building earlier. Meian-san and the others are still dealing with them.” Atsumu's brows were quick to furrow as he groaned in frustration, placing both of his hands on his face to hide himself away from the world. Did it have to get this complicated with Sakusa? Seriously? All over a rumor, they had to break up and make shit worse? He didn't know if he should be sad over the heart break or be sad over the fact that Sakusa placed all the attention on him. “I swear to fuckin’ God I wish I could kick Omi-Omi’s ass right now… He didn't even give me a proper break up! Dude had to do it in front of a ramen shop after we lost the semi-finals.” Atsumu complained, earning pity from the other three that watched him. Bokuto frowned the worse as he removed Atsumu's hands on his face. “By the way, Tsumu… Coach Foster said he'd be taking you to rehab today. He didn't expect you to relapse after two years of being clean.” “What?” The twins questioned in unison. Bokuto brushed Atsumu's hair up, exposing his forehead. “He said that he's worried for you, honestly. We are too. I know it's your first time again after years, but don't you think that going to rehab would also help you escape your controversy with Omi-Omi?” Osamu held onto Atsumu's hand. “If yer goin’ to rehab, I am too! Don't think ‘m lettin’ ya go there alone.” Atsumu chuckled as he looked at Osamu. “As an athlete, I should prolly follow what my coach suggests. As for ya, Samu… Who's gonna manage the onigiri shop when yer in there playin’ Jenga with me?” “But—” “No buts, Samu. I‘ll be fine in there, it's just rehab ya know. I'll prolly be out in no time.” Osamu glared at Atsumu before flicking his forehead. “I should've stopped ya from smokin’ last night… We should've egged Sakusa’s apartment instead.” The other three laughed in unison as Atsumu tightened his hold on Osamu’s hand. “It would've been better if we did that actually. Hah, welp! I think these are the consequences of my bong ripping at 10pm.” “You think, huh?” Hinata chuckled as he stood up, stretching. “Coach Foster will be back by 7pm. You can lay down there until you feel better, Atsu.” Bokuto grinned as he flexed his bicep. “You can use my legs all day, they're stronger than you think.” He chuckled to himself. Atsumu smiled as he closed his eyes. “I'mh ella tired. Lemme sleep for a bit.” Osamu smiled as he kept a firm hold on Atsumu's hand. “I'll be here for ya, Sumu.” “I know.” ☏ 
2 weeks ago
 Sakusa stood face to face with Atsumu. Sakusa's phone was on the table that stood by their side. On the screen was an article describing a photo that was taken of Atsumu and Suna sitting together and drinking in Onigiri Miya a few days ago. “How can you be so reckless, Atsu?” Sakusa asked his boyfriend with an annoyed tone. Sakusa hated the attention of the press on trivial matters, especially when it came to his relationship with Atsumu. He was cool with the whole nation knowing they were openly gay since he was ready for the consequences, but he didn't want their perfectly built image to be tainted by negative opinions. Of course, Atsumu wasn't really pressed by this. He could easily clear this up by saying that Suna and Atsumu were just good friends having drinks at his own brother's shop. He was just confused as to why Sakusa was reacting so badly to this. To sum it up, the one who wrote this article also provided a picture of Atsumu and Suna back in highschool where they were seen together outside of school. They were spilling bullshit saying that they were childhood love interests. The article even pointed out the time where Sakusa and Atsumu had a major fight just a month ago that caused Atsumu to ignore him. Now, they're saying that Atsumu called Suna back since Sakusa and Atsumu were in a bad situation. This writer had the guts to assume that Atsumu was cheating on Sakusa, all the while sugarcoating it so no one would come for their ass. “Why don't we prove them wrong then? It's a simple misunderstanding that we can clear up by releasing an official statement that we're fine!” Atsumu suggested as he reached out for Sakusa. The ravenette took a step back as he sighed. “Releasing an official statement would just make the situation worse. This could also harm the EJP Raijin and we don't want to cause a domino effect now, do we?” “But—” “What's done is done, Atsu. I'm just saying that I'm disappointed that you weren't careful enough! You were so close to Rintarou here.” Sakusa argued. “It was the bar stools at the front of the counter, what the hell did you expect it to be? Samu was there! If they damn well know that the three of us were friends, just friends, back in highschool, this issue wouldn't be so bad! What's the point in you acting like this?” “Atsu, you know I hate it when the cameras are on us as people, not as athletes. I've told you again and again that I didn't want any press attention!” “Then act like this doesn't exist at all! You're making it worse by acting out like you're deeply affected by this! If you really aren't, then prove it!” Sakusa glared at Atsumu as he took a step forward, towering over the blond. “Can't a man feel jealous?!” The ravenette was pining over this man since his first year in highschool, by the time they met at that youth camp. He was so drawn to Atsumu's talent and surprisingly clean personality, that it was difficult to even look away. He also had a thing for doe eyes, especially with how Atsumu had honey ones. They started dating when Sakusa was in his 3rd year of university, getting a degree as a dietitian as a backup plan once he retires from volleyball. They got together when Sakusa texted him that he got an offer from MSBY since he was part of his university’s volleyball team. The blond didn't hesitate to offer his help to train with the ravenette on his no-practice days, and they were just quick to… click. “What the hell are ya jealous for, Omi-Omi!? Ya've known SunaRin since we were in highschool! Ya know damn well that he'd kill himself first than to fall in love with me or Samu!” Silence settled between them as they both breathed heavily. Sakusa couldn't retort anything back. Well, Atsumu was always reassuring him. It was his lack of trust in his partner that really… God, but his pride refused him to let Atsumu have the satisfaction of knowing he was the right one in this argument. ☏ “You better not put Taylor Swift on my car speakers, Miya blond.” Sam Foster reprimanded Atsumu who was fiddling with the bluetooth options on Foster's car. Osamu, who was sitting at the back with Meian, laughed at Atsumu who looked away nervously. Meian, who was glad that Atsumu was finally back to his normal self, smiled at the blond. “Don't stop him, Coach. Let him cry his broken heart out.” He commented, earning a glare from Atsumu. “Meian-san! I'm not going to cry over Omi-Omi!” He pouted, crossing his arms above his chest. His twin laughed as he leaned forward. “Ya liar. Ya were cryin’ about Sakusa last night and we were jammin’ to Taylor Swift. We all know that when yer sad, it's her that ya listen and sing along to.” “So what? Her music’s fire! And besides, ya wouldn't know what a break up feels like since ya never had a girlfriend.” Atsumu argued, pointing fingers at his brother. Osamu shrugged. “Not havin’ a girlfriend is my choice anyways. I have an onigiri shop to manage, havin’ to give out free onigiri to someone would just kill me! Givin’ one to ya every game is already heartbreak for me.” Atsumu looked out the car window, his hair flowing in the air as the bright city lights of Japan twinkled in his eyes. He wasn't sad nor happy. He was just content that everything is back to a normal state. His break up with Sakusa still lingers in his mind, at the same time it weighs on him. But, that doesn't mean he can't be happy now. Rehab would also mean he gets to have nothing on his mind at all. No Sakusa to worry about, no paparazzi that would pressure him about the mentioned ex, and no responsibilities. He's just glad that the rehab they're going to will permit him to play volleyball with some of the patients there. Atsumu went back to fiddling with the music, putting on Taylor Swift's “My Tears Ricochet”. He smiled at himself, the other three letting out synchronized sighs of relief as they looked ahead of them. “What’ll ya do to Omi-Omi, by the way, Coach? Yer not gonna ostracize him now, are ya?” Atsumu asked, eyes on the road below them. Foster stayed silent for a moment, making a right turn. “I'm pretty sure Kiyoomi will ask for your whereabouts. If you want, we can lie to cover for you. I know breaking up is hard. I experienced a divorce with my first wife after all, haha!” Atsumu smiled. “That would be great… I just hope Omi-Omi won't miss me much even if he was the one who left me behind.” He looked up at the sky, wondering why no one wants to fulfill their promised dreams with him. Meian scoffed. “Sakusa will be fine. He's a tough kid who knows how to act mature. If your break up was his decision, I'm pretty sure he thought about all the outcomes by now.” “He also has his cousin to comfort him, ya know that Sumu.” Osamu added. The blond’s smile washed away as he looked outside the window. “I guess so, yeah. I have no choice than to be happy for Omi, then.” Atsumu sighed, sad that he couldn't shed tears for his broken romance. A part of him wants Sakusa to regret ever breaking up with him, but most of him wanted to just let Sakusa go. Selfishness is a trait that needs to be drowned. He hated getting all selfish since he knows how much of a suffocating feeling it is. Osamu was an example for it. He remembers the day when his brother revealed that he'd no longer be playing volleyball by his side. He didn't like the thought of being left in the air after all. Osamu brought him up so high back in highschool, it was utter betrayal that his twin no longer flew to the top with him. His brother, his assigned best friend at birth. It was childish, but he held onto the promise they both made to fulfill their dreams together. Passion was really never enough to keep anyone with you. Especially when it was Atsumu. Sakusa brought him up so high, now he's falling since his love can't carry him higher. Sakusa no longer wanted to fly with Atsumu just because he broke his wings. It was childish, but he held onto every single promise they made. He hoped, and prayed, that at least there will be someone who'll make a promise they can keep with Atsumu. Someone who'll run and never get tired. Someone who'll hold Atsumu's hand with no doubt in their mind. He didn't need memories… He doesn't need memories. It was just a bad heartbreak, he convinced himself. A few moments later, they reached the rehabilitation center in Osaka. Foster had already filled out the stuff needed and submitted Atsumu's requirements to the facility, all that was left was for him to be dropped off. Osamu hugged his brother, face buried in the crook of his twin's neck. “Get well soon, Sumu. I'll make ya the best onigiri when ya come back out.” Atsumu hugged his brother back, smiling softly. “I'll be sure to be out here fast, then. Take care of yerself, Samu. I won't be there to wake ya up early now…” “I'll be fine. I promise ya that, Sumu.” Osamu pulled away as Meian took his turn, hugging Atsumu. “You may not be the youngest, but you act like a baby. Get well soon, Atsumu. We need our promising and shining setter back as soon as possible.” Atsumu patted Meian’s back. “Sure will! You know that I'll never leave the team unless I pay y'all back for everythin’ ya've given me.” Meian smiled at this, pulling away from Atsumu. A nurse assisted Atsumu inside, the blond waving back at the three who were left outside. Meian patted Osamu's back, the younger twin shivering as he held his tears back. “He'll be fine, Osamu-kun. Your brother is stronger than you think.” Foster nodded as he too patted Osamu's back. “Atsumu would be sad if he saw you crying for him. He'd want you to stay strong for him.” Osamu sniffled as he looked up, stopping his tears. “I know that. I just hope that Tsumu… Sumu will take care of himself here. He has a lot of dreams he has to fulfill for both of us. He promised me that.” Meian grinned. “If it's Atsumu, he will always keep his promise.” ☏ In the hallway, Atsumu was actually kind of concerned that there were scratch marks on the wall and tackled medicine trolleys on the floor. The nurse was being so nice to him, it was scary to even ask what happened. They informed him that since he came in quite late now, a solo room couldn't be provided. Therefore, he'll be staying with someone in a room that has a bunk bed and two bathrooms. Atsumu thanked the nurse as she opened the door for him. Inside, there was someone curled up under the weighted blanket on the bottom bunk. He was getting anxious just by looking at the organized room that was painted a beautiful sky blue. The blond made his way inside, the door shutting silently behind him. “Whoo… ‘m gonna be fine here.” He smiled to himself, setting his bag down on the table near the wall since it was the only table that didn't have things on it. He assumed that the person sleeping on the bottom bunk owned those things on the opposite table. Atsumu sat down, the keychain he shared with Sakusa falling to the floor as it slipped out of his pocket. This caused the person sleeping on the bottom bunk to jolt and sit up. Atsumu shivered as the figure appeared to be tall despite the person only sitting down. They were covered under the blanket after all, it was scarier like that. “I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to wake ya up. Ya see, I just came here just now and I was gettin’ settled in. I didn't wanna wake ya up, ya can go back to bed. We can do the gettin’ to know each other tomorrow, is that fine with ya?” “Tsumu…?” The person under the blanket called out to him. Atsumu stiffened, his mouth hanging in shock. “Excuse me?” He questioned in order to clarify on why the fuck does this person know his name. The person pulled the blanket off of them, revealing them to be no other than— “SunaRin!” Atsumu called out, a smile painting over his worried expression. Atsumu was quick to his feet as he walked over to Suna, sitting beside him on the bed. “What the hell are ya doing back here? Don't fuckin’ tell me ya relapsed again, ya son of a bitch.” The blond laughed. Suna rubbed his eyes. “I should be askin’ ya the same thing, ya hypocrite. What the hell are ya doin’ here too? Did ya start smokin’ weed again?” He asked, blinking his eyes a few times as he took a good look at Atsumu. The mentioned blond chuckled as he leaned on the fox, resting his head on his shoulder. “Suna… He fuckin’ broke up with me.” He informed the latter, earning a wide eyed reaction of shock. “The fuck? Like, Sakusa broke up with ya?” “Mhm…” “What?! Why?! Does Samu know?” He questioned Atsumu. Atsumu stayed silent for a little while, his eyes shut softly. “Samu was the first one that comforted me. After we lost, Coach took us to a ramen place and the bastard broke up with me at the entrance. In front of the Whole Team. He was such an ass!” He complained. Suna scoffed. “What the fuck? After he called ya out on live TV? Motherfucker. He said, and I quote— “He was just as embarrassing out of the court. He makes more mistakes than you think.” And ya were there behind him like– be fuckin’ for real now.” “Mmm, yeah. And, after that, I went home so Samu and I could drink my bowels out, but we ended up smokin’ mary the whole fukin’ night. New record, by the way. I ripped the bong about 12 to 12 and a half times.” Atsumu proudly flaunts his utterly stupid achievement. Suna flicked his forehead. “Ya fuckin’ dickhead. Ya and Samu quit like 3? 2 years ago? I thought ya said y'all never smoke again?” His voice had clear worry in it. Atsumu raised his brow, looking at Suna with judgment in his eyes. “Ya said the same shit 3 months ago. Now yer here, back in this rehabilitation center. Ya told me and Samu that this place was shitty and fuckin’ borin’. Fuck ya mean quitin’, huh?” Suna rolled his eyes as he laid back down, his head comfortably landing on the soft pillow. “What I said about this rehab center is true! Ya haven't been to rehab, you can't judge a person who's been to rehab. That's like being homophobic to someone who's in rehab.” “What fuckin’ made sense in what ya said just now? Nothin’! Absolute crap.” Atsumu clicked his tongue as he laid next to Suna, facing the fox. “Was it ya? The one who trashed the hallway, I mean.” “Yeah, so what? I was dragged here without my fuckin’ consent. And guess what? It was over one fuckin’ blunt!” Suna scoffed at his own story. Atsumu raised his brow, clearly offended. “What the fuck? Over one blunt? They better be glad ya haven't relapsed That bad! I mean– It is kinda valid for ya, SunaRin.” His opinion quickly changed. “What do ya mean?” Suna looked at Atsumu in question. “Yer the addict between the three of us. If it were me and Samu who found ya smokin’, we'd prolly drag yer ass back to rehab too. I was really proud when ya said ya’d finally quit mary…” Suna knitted his brows as he hid the lower half of his face under the blanket. “Mary helps me, okay?” Atsumu chuckled as he turned to hug Suna who was under the blanket. “Negative side effects of mary, everyone. Be aware.” “Shut up, Tsumu.” Suna closed his eyes. “It was that annoyin’ cousin of yer ex that called the pound on me…” “Komori? Like Komori Motoya?” Atsumu mentioned the name for confirmation. “Yeah.” Suna confirmed with an angry tone in his voice. Atsumu snickered as he looked at Suna with a grin. “Did ya know he had feelin’s for ya? Omi-Omi told me so.” Suna grimaced as he looked at Atsumu with an offended expression. “Ew? What the fuck? I'm not even gay.” “Guess bein’ gay runs in their family.” Atsumu shrugged as he snuggled closer to Suna. “Let me in, it's cold.” “Ya have a blanket at the top bunk, move there.” Suna tried wiggling so he could push Atsumu off and away from him. The blond persisted, cuddling Suna closer. “Ya were never this mean, SunaRin. Come on, let me in.” Atsumu was a cuddler by nature. His main victim was Osamu because when they were kids, Osamu often snuck into Atsumu's bed at night when he feared his twin would disappear in the morning. Because of this, Atsumu developed a habit of hugging someone or something when he sleeps. At one point, Atsumu even cuddled with Aran, Kita, Riseki and Ginjima respectively when they went to training camps. It all depended on who was closest to Atsumu when it was time to sleep. Suna sighed as he raised his hand, creating an opening so Atsumu could slide inside the blanket. The blond wrapped his arms around Suna’s neck, the fox hugging the blond closer as Atsumu's head rested on Suna's chest. “No homo…” “We did this when we were 15 to 19, SunaRin. Yer basically like our younger brother now.” Atsumu tiredly commented as he yawned. “See ya in the mornin’, Rin.” “If ya snore, I'm gonna choke ya.” Suna looked down, his chin brushing against Atsumu's dry hair. “Shut up, ya talk in yer sleep. Talkin’ is definitely worse than snorin’ for me.” Atsumu let out a long breath. “We'd prolly balance each other out with how noisy our vocal chords are. Either way, yer snorin’ is annoyin’, Sumu…” Suna yawned as he hugged Atsumu closer, loving the heat. “Goodnight, ya scrub.” “Goodnight, Rin…” “Goodnight, Sumu…” “Goodnight, Rintarou.” “Goodnight, Atsumu.” “Goodnight, Suna.” “Goodnight, Miya.” ☏ 
Atsumu looked after 3rd year Suna and Osamu since he was the captain of the Inarizaki volleyball team after Kita. Well, now, Atsumu was the one called to the clinic after Suna got into a fight since the student requested so.
 
The blond walked over, standing before Suna who was getting his forehead cleaned and treated. “So ya got yer head bashed to the wall by that scrub?” Atsumu asked, leaning down as the school doctor finished the fox’s treatment.
 
Suna looked up, his right eye bloodshot and a bit irritated. “He started the fight first. He just shoved me and tripped me before I could even get to class. Ya've gotta testify for me, Tsumu.”
 
Atsumu sighed as he sat down next to Suna. “What were ya even doin’ after the bell rang? Samu and I left early since we had a quiz.” He brushed a strand of hair away from the bruised area on Suna's face.
 
The fox looked down at the floor, biting his lip in frustration. “I was about to take my bathroom break so I could sleep through this period just fine, okay? ‘m not as irresponsible as ya think I am, Tsumu. I'm not even yer little brother, why are ya always scoldin’ me?”
 
“Kita-san would've done the same to ya, Suna. I'm doin’ this not ‘cause I see ya as a baby brother, but because I see ya as my teammate and as a person. Of course, I would worry for ya.” Atsumu placed his hand on Suna's shoulder, earning a glance from the flustered fox.
 
“Ya aren't Kita-san. So, stop that and just… testify for me or somethin’. I could get suspended, ya know? That means no volleyball. I know ya need me on the team and during practices.” Suna replied.
 
Atsumu sighed, retracting his hand. “I don't really need ya there much. We have our second years and new first years, they seem capable enough to match yer expertise as a middle blocker. Ya can use a week or more off.”
 
“Are ya crazy, Tsumu?! Ya know my mom would literally behead me if she found out I'm suspended.” “Sounds like a You problem, SunaRin.” Atsumu shrugged.
 
Suna looked at Atsumu in disbelief, stuttering as the blond stood up, ready to walk away. In the moment, Suna reached out and grabbed Atsumu's hand, the blond turning around due to the force. “Wait! I'm sorry, Tsumu. I really don't wanna get suspended right now, not with nationals just around the corner. Please, I'm sorry.”
 
Atsumu had a blank expression on his face. He was rather surprised that Suna would act like this. Suna would usually get annoyed and call him names like Osamu does. Seriously, those two were more twin-like than Atsumu and Osamu themselves.
 
“What are ya so afraid of, Rin? It's not like not playin’ volleyball would kill ya.” Atsumu asked, head tilted to the side as he faced Suna.
 
Suna bit his lip in frustration as he looked at the floor, his hold on the blond's hand getting tighter. He had bigger hands than the setter before him. “It's not about playin' volleyball over all. It's that… I want to play with ya. I want to play volleyball with you. Volleyball with Samu, you, the others. So, please…”
 
Atsumu crouched down, looking up as he observed Suna's frustrated expression. “Ya look like yer shittin’ yerself there.”
 
“My head fuckin’ hurts.” Suna groaned as his eyes stared at Atsumu. The mentioned blond sighed as he stood up, placing his hands under Suna’s armpits as he carried the fox to lay on the bed.
 
Atsumu walked over to the end of the bed, grabbing the chair that was there as he dragged it all the way to the side of the clinic bed. He closed the curtains to give them privacy, opening the ones on the window to let some fresh air in.
 
“Yer a big baby, Rin… But it's sweet that ya want to play volleyball with us.” Atsumu hummed as he sat down on the chair.
 
Suna held his hand out, expecting Atsumu to grab and hold it for him. The blond noticed this as he smiled softly, grabbing the fox’s paw, drawing lines on his calloused palms. “My sweet middle blocker.”
 
“That's so gay and cringe…” Suna commented, watching Atsumu with a blurry line of sight. “Now yer bein’ homophobic, Rin.”
 
Suna closed his eyes, feeling Atsumu hold onto his hand. “I want to help ya with yer sets… Ya said it yerself, ya wanted me to spike ‘em. I want to play volleyball with ya ‘cause ya want me to.”
 
Atsumu grinned. “How sweet of ya, Rin. So sweet! Too sweet.” He chuckled. “It's makin’ my teeth ache.”
 
“I hope they all fall out, then…” He let out a long sigh, feeling his breathing even out as he felt drowsy. “Goodnight, Sumu…”
 
“Goodnight, Rin.”
 
“Goodnight, Atsumu…” Suna yawned, eyes tiredly looking up at Atsumu.
 
“Goodnight, Rintarou.”
 
Suna smiled as he closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Miya…”
 
“Goodnight, Suna.” Atsumu chuckled, squeezing Suna's hand softly, reassuringly.
 ☏ “Can I still love him? I don't think so.” Atsumu answered as he tossed a ball to Suna, the fox spiking it with a loud bang to the floor. Suna let out a breath as he wiped the sweat on his face. “As ya should. Ya should never give that asshole a second chance. If he was so ready to let ya drown, he ain't worth shit.” Atsumu looked at his calloused palms, feeling them tingle. “Sometimes, I look at old couples and wonder how many times they forgave each other after having fights of their own… Then, I wonder how Omi-Omi couldn't do that for me.” He glared at his palms. Suna, who was looking up, tilted his head to the side as he stared at Atsumu, his eyes narrowing down so he could focus on the blond more. “Sometimes, stuff ain't meant to be, ya know? Maybe Sakusa wasn't the man for ya. Knowin’ ya, ya'd prolly be destined for more.” Atsumu chuckled, turning to look at Suna. “Is it just me, or do ya have the urge to get high right now?” Suna shrugged, lifting his shirt to wipe the sweat off of his face. “I dunno. But, I kinda want to.” He agreed. The blond stretched his arms up, letting out a soft moan as he yawned. “Do ya think they're servin’ lunch now? I'm pretty hungry.” He licked his lip, feeling it crack and peel. The fox came forward, placing a hand on Atsumu's shoulder, wrapping his arm around him as he pulled the blond along. “Not yet, but let's take a shower first. I feel so sticky.” Atsumu flinched as he felt Suna’s skin come in contact with his. “Ew! Yer so wet! Don't touch me if yer sweaty then!” Suna laughed as he kept pulling Atsumu along, the blond having no choice but to walk with him. There was silence between them. They could only hear the slap of their slippers through the tiled floor, the occasional drop of their sweat and their ragged breathing. Atsumu momentarily glanced up at Suna who was looking straight ahead. The taller fox was surely keeping him close with the way he held him. Kind of homo if he does say so himself. He brushed it off, thinking that Suna just missed having good times with him and Osamu as friends. “How many weeks did they say?” Suna asked as his eyes shifted to look at the blond, catching Atsumu off guard since he was already staring at the fox. “J-Just 3 weeks. They would lessen it if they see me in good behavior.” “Sweet! I have three too. Help me be on my best behavior then, Tsumu.” Suna tilted his head to face Atsumu, winking at the blond. Atsumu could feel his cheeks slightly heat up as he scrunched his nose. “Yer trouble even if I help reprimand ya.” Suna chuckled, opening the door to their room as Atsumu went in first. The mentioned blond yawned as he started taking his shirt off. “I'm hella hungry and tired. My stomach's already growlin’.” He commented, scratching the back of his neck that was wet. The fox's eyes narrowed, his gaze on Atsumu's nails. “I'll take the shower on the right, ya take the left. After that, come to me.” Atsumu raised his brow, turning around to look at Suna. “Why?” “Just do as I say, ya fatass.” Suna walked past him, going into the bathroom on the right. Atsumu huffed as he entered the bathroom on the left, their showers syncing as they took their respective baths. Atsumu raised his head, feeling the running water wash away the sweat on his skin. God, he missed the way Sakusa touched him. His waist felt so unheld and empty. But then, a burning sensation formed on his shoulder. He could feel Suna's hand on it. It was… awkward. It made his guts ache from the inside. He bit his lip, closing his eyes as he let out a long sigh. “SunaRin’s just a friend…” He mumbled, feeling his heart beating loudly. If only he had the guts to punch himself right now. Suna on the other hand, was leaning on the wall as he listened to Atsumu's shower run. His eyes were glued to the wall as if he could see through them. He had his arms crossed above his chest, a deep frown on his face. Atsumu was… starting to light a fire that could potentially turn his life into a living hell. He licked his lip as he stood up straight, his hair going flat as water continued to pour on his head. “Sumu…” He called out silently, feeling tinnitus in his ear. After showering, Atsumu came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, finding his change of clothes on the top bunk. A few seconds later, Suna came out with a towel around his waist too. Atsumu looked away. “Ah! Yer out too. I'll go back into the bathroom so ya could change.” Suna raised his brow. “Why?” “Hello? I'm gay, SunaRin. Ya might get uncomfortable.” Atsumu answered. Suna pressed his lips together, unamused. “We literally went skinny dippin’ with Samu when we were in college. The fuck would change if ya saw my cock now?” “Ewww. Don't use that word to address your peepee.” “The fuck? Like peepee sounds better than cock.” Suna laughed, walking to the bottom bunk as he sat down, moving his change of clothes to the table. He looked at Atsumu, patting the empty space beside him. Atsumu looked at Suna, confused. “What?” The fox sighed as he slammed his hand on the mattress. “Sit down.” Atsumu didn't hesitate as he sat down, water dripping from his wet hair. Suna took out nail clippers from his bag as he took Atsumu's hand. “I saw gunk materializing on yer nails. When we were in highschool, by the time ya became captain, ya were yappin’ on and on about how we should keep our nails filed and short.” Suna commented as he started clipping Atsumu's nails one by one. “I simply didn't have time– Wait– Do ya carry nail clippers just because of me?” Atsumu asked, his eyes sparkling. Suna looked at him, shrugging. “Duh? Ya were our captain. Yer yappin’ never stopped to the point ya bought us these nail clippers. I'm pretty sure this became a tradition for the Inarizaki volleyball brats that replaced us.” Atsumu chuckled. “It was a personal preference since nails could mess with the trajectory of the ball, and it could also damage them. As a setter, of course, that's common knowledge.” “No shit. Even now, I keep my nails clean and short ‘cause of ya. Would ya be happy if I gave ya credit for keepin’ me clean and safe from trouble?” Suna asked the blond sarcastically. “Uh, yeah? That's the nail clipper I bought for ya, of course I'm to thank.” Suna let out a smile before laughing, earning a laughing Atsumu as well. “Well, then. Thank you, oh great Miya Atsumu for keepin’ me clean.” “Yer welcome, peasant.” Atsumu replied, earning a louder laugh from Suna. “I never thought the day I would laugh at being called a peasant would come.” The fox continued to laugh. A few moments later, Atsumu and Suna were changing side by side. Let's just say Suna compared sizes secretly. He was happy that he was better than the setter. Atsumu, of course, had shame as he kept his eyes on the top bunk. Suna looked at the clock that was hanging above the door, both hands landing on the number 12. “Lunch’s ready. Let's go, Tsumu.” Atsumu nodded as he once again felt Suna's hand on his shoulder. He looked up at the taller fox. “Why do ya keep holdin’ me like this, SunaRin?” Suna looked down. “Oh? Just watch.” He smiled softly, opening the door as shouting erupted from the end of the hallway. Not even a second later, a slipper went flying in front of the two of them. There was a patient who was having a temper tantrum on the floor as the nurses had a tough time subduing him. Atsumu watched in horror, whilst Suna simply laughed at the scene. It was normal for him at this point since he spent 5 months on 2 separate occasions in this facility already. “Keeping ya close to me would be safer since ya don't know when someone's about to throw a major bitch fit.” Suna guided Atsumu to the dining room, eyeing the scene momentarily as the patient was tranquilized. Atsumu was clearly disturbed. Suna knew what was going on in his mind since the blond was always so expressive. He sighed, slightly gripping Atsumu’s shoulder tighter. “Don't worry, Tsumu. I won't end up like that dude. Mary is, well, bad, but that guy was probably taking somethin’ worse.” “Just… Promise me to never snort shit off of tables or meddle with injections, okay? I consent to ya smokin’ weed, just…” Atsumu raised his head to look at Suna, eyes glistening in worry. The taller fox smiled as he slightly hugged Atsumu. “I won't, I promise. I don't even find that crap good anyway. People who use those always end up looking ugly like that one dwarf from Lord of the Rings.” “Who?” Atsumu raised his brow. “That one My Precious guy. Eugh, makes me wanna puke when I think about it.” Suna gagged as he stuck his tongue out to further display his disgust. Atsumu chuckled as he sat down, Suna sitting across from him. “They'll serve us our food, right?” Suna nodded. “Yeah. Although, when I was here for the first time, they had that cafeteria like situation where the patients were the ones servin’ the food. Later on, they found out that one patient was sprinklin’ weed into the brownies.” “Talk about catnip.” Atsumu giggled as nurses served them a healthy meal. He picked up his chopsticks, noticing Suna who was grimacing at the side dish provided. “Rin?” He called out to the fox. Suna pushed the bowl towards Atsumu, retching at the dish. “I hate umeboshi.” The blond's eyes widened as he looked down at the bowl of fresh pickled umeboshi. “Omi-Omi likes these…” He muttered with a sad smile. The fox knitted his brows as he picked up his bowl of rice. “Well, I'm not yer Omi-Omi, so I have a valid reason to say those don't clash well with my tongue.” He said a quick— “Itadakimasu” before chowing down on his rice, followed by the provided fish dish. Atsumu smiled as he too said his blessings before targeting the umeboshi first. “Very sour.” He commented, followed by a huge portion of rice. Suna maneuvered his tongue to push the food in his mouth to his cheek. “That's why I hate ‘em. I dunno how ya can say ya like those.” He swallowed, followed by another portion of food into his mouth. Atsumu scrunched his nose as he swallowed too. “Don't talk with yer mouth full. Ya can choke, ya know.” Suna shrugged, swallowing before he took a sip of his hot miso soup to cleanse his pallet. “Touche.” “Come to think of it, Kita-san gave me umeboshi once when I got sick. I guess they're only good when yer ill.” Atsumu pushed the bowl of umeboshi away, feeling its bitterness paint itself on his tongue. Everything just had to remind him of Kiyoomi now, does it? “Ya want chuupets?” Suna asked, head leaned a little closer as he looked Atsumu in the eyes. The blond could feel it again. He could feel his cheeks heating up just slightly. “Do they even give those here? Knowin’ there are many druggies here, that could be a chokin’ hazard.” Suna chuckled. “If they know yer sober and sane enough, they can give ya anythin’ ya want. They don't have the rights to deny ya anythin’ that isn't harmful to ya after all.” Atsumu nodded slowly, kind of understanding how that makes good sense. “Chuupets then. It's so bitter, it's still on my tongue.” Atsumu stuck his tongue out, earning a soft laugh from Suna. ☏ “Personally, I think rehabs shouldn't have bunk beds. Like, what if the addict on top suddenly throws a bitch fit and they just throw themselves off and bash their head on the floor? Who's gonna face the consequences now?” “Atsumu, what the fuck?” Atsumu rolled over, his arm dangling from the edge of the bed, enough for Suna to see his hand. “I can't sleep.” The mentioned fox sighed as he sat up, bed sheets shifting. “Well? What are we gonna do about it?” The blond let out a sigh. “How are ya, Rin? Like genuinely, how are ya?” Suna was silent for a moment before he scoffed, looking at Atsumu's hand with annoyance. “I don't like what yer startin’ Tsumu.” “What? A therapy session with lil’ old me won't hurt. 2 months, Rin. Ya ghosted me and Samu for 2 months. What's up with that?” Atsumu spoke a little louder now. “I thought we weren't keepin’ secrets between us. So, why?” Suna sighed, fingers running through his hair. “Can't a man enjoy his life alone? I was busy with volleyball, what else did ya expect me to do? Ya were too, and Samu was busy with his business. Ain't ya askin’ me for too much?” Atsumu knitted his brows. He sat up as his head popped up upside down from the top bunk, making Suna jump in surprise. “You'll fall!” “What do ya mean too much? Did I ever tell ya that ya were too much? Don't ‘cha know how concerned I was for ya? I watched yer games, but that doesn't mean that was enough proof ya were doin’ fine. The next thing I know, yer back in rehab. Were you plannin’ on doin’ what ya did last time?” “Tsumu.” Suna's brows furrowed as he listened to the words of the older one. He hated the way Atsumu actually cared for him. This is why Nothing's fun when it's real. Atsumu sat back up, holding his face as he felt light headed. “SunaRin. I know ya basically survive just fine, but god damn please be more aware of yer actions.” Suna looked up, a smirk on his lips. “Yer the same, ya abusive tyrannical pig.” “Oh, come on! I thought that died out with Samu.” The blond ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “So what? The point is, ‘m sayin’ that ya should acknowledge that there are people who care for ya. Yer what? 23? Ya plan on killin’ yerself before ya can even get to yer 80’s? The Rin I know would be suckin’ on candy even if all of his teeth fell out.” The fox stood up, his arms resting on Atsumu's mattress as he rested his head on top of them. “And? Are ya any better? Yer the same when it comes to bein’ the most stubborn asshole. Remember that one time ya got sick? Ya kept pushin’ yerself. Ya even threw a temper tantrum since Kita-san forbade ya from trainin’. Yer basically a hypocrite.” Atsumu's eyes narrowed as he grimaced at the smirk of pride Suna had on his lips. “Yer so annoyin' for that.” Suna laughed as he reached out, placing his hand on the blond’s knee. “But, that makes us human? Right?” Selfishness is a trait that needs to be drowned. So what if Atsumu was an abusive tyrannical pig? If it were for something he knows is best, won't it be absolutely right? He was smart and empathetic after all. “But, why can't you stop? For once in your life, stop feeling… human.” Suna suggested to Atsumu, catching the latter off guard. “What?” “Bein’ human makes ya feel too much. It's absolutely tirin’.” “We're born human, Rin. What do ya expect?” “Well– Ain't it better not to feel anythin’ frustratin’ at all? Ya complain and complain about feelin’ absolutely almost everythin’.” “Feelin’ feelings are natural since everyone has a heart—” “That's because ya use yer heart to think. Ever tried using that love-biased brain or yers? Or has feelin’ so idealistic lowered yer sense of self ya can't even think with an ego anymore?” Atsumu was speechless. His palms were sweaty and he could feel a lump forming on his throat. Once again, his tongue was numb and paralyzed. Nothing's fun when it's real. “Just say that yer an absolute apathetic and selfish piece of shit, then I'll stop askin’ about how ya feel. If that makes ya so shitty and don't even live at all.” Atsumu blurted out, a stinging sensation in his eyes. “Tellin’ me to kill myself over this? Why don't ya act yer age and actually discuss YOUR feelings for once, ya big hypocrite. And, don't act so immature when ya damn well know ‘m right! What? Never had the sensation of bein’ right for once? That's ‘cause ya never fought for what you felt. Ya simply say it, ya don't fight for it. Ya don't justify it.” Suna argued out. “Everyone's opinion should be validated of course! Ya would keep callin’ me selfish if I fought for what I thought.” “Ya step down as soon as ya see the person ya hurt feelin’ like absolute shit! Remember that time ya fought with Samu? Ya basically said what ya felt but ya never told him why ya felt absolutely betrayed when he said he'd no longer follow ya! Yer selfish for only followin’ what ‘cha want.” 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 Atsumu sniffled as tears formed in his eyes. “Ya big hypocrite. Now yer cryin’? What are ya cryin’ for?” Suna scoffed, jumping up to sit at the top bunk. “Hate hearin’ the truth, huh?” Atsumu, an absolute idealist when it comes to everything he wants in the world. An absolute dictator of people he knows would follow his lead. An absolute wreck when he's left flying in the air alone. He's all bark with no bite after all. It made Suna laugh. Suna, an absolute apathetic and ignorant realist. He lives by making things feel like a dream so he won't regret the choices he makes after following the raging current of the world. An absolute psych patient when he's stuck in reality again. It made Atsumu furious. “Are ya happy now, Rin?” Atsumu asked, tears falling from his eyes as he tried wiping them away. Suna sighed as he shifted closer, pulling Atsumu in for a hug. “It's not like I totally invalidate yer feelings. I just didn't like the fact that an absolute hypocrite like ya was tryin’ to scold me for takin’ drugs to hide my feelings away.” Atsumu sobbed onto Suna’s shirt, snot dribbling from his nose as he spoke in a muffled tone. “Yer shirt will get wet and sticky, aren't ya gonna be disgusted?” “I've had worse shit on my skin. Ya think I'd get uncomfortable with snot on my shirt? Be for real, ya bitch.” Suna laughed as he ran his fingers through Atsumu's hair. Atsumu chuckled, snuggling closer to Suna's touch. “If it were Omi, he would've kicked me away.” With that statement, Suna grimaced as he flicked Atsumu's forehead. “Don't compare me to yer sad ex. He can eat shit, I'll eat shit when it's on a plate.” Suna earned a louder laugh from the blond, Atsumu feeling a tad bit more comfortable in Suna's embrace. “Ya happy for makin’ me cry out like a lil’ kid? I haven't cried this hard since I was 9.” “Bullshit. Ya had so many fights with Samu and that ex of yers. It's impossible ya haven't cried in almost 2 decades.” Suna raised his brow, not believing a word Atsumu said. The mentioned blond scoffed. “I'm bein’ honest. Everytime I had a fight with Samu or Omi-Omi, I never really reached the point of sobbin’ my eyes out. Guess it was the pride in me that stood up for itself.”  “Wow. You are probably one of the most annoyin’ people I will ever meet in my entire life.” Suna said sarcastically. “If not yer face, it's yer attitude that would bring my blood pressure to its fuckin’ peak.” Atsumu raised his brow. “What do ya mean? Ya better watch yer mouth before I shut it for ya.” “No, that's gay, Tsumu.” “Yer literally huggin” me like, right now. I'm basically infectin’ ya with my gay disease.” “I feel sick to the stomach. Am I openin’ a womb? Oh my God, am I–” Silence settled between them as the two erupted in hushed laughter. “Yer so homophobic, Rin.” Atsumu commented in between gasps for air. Suna had the inhaling type of laughter that made Atsumu laugh louder. The smoking wasn't really doing Suna any good now, was it? Suna pulled Atsumu closer as he sighed in relief, hugging the man. “No homo, then. Just two best friends in a room…” “They might kiss.” The blond jested, referring to a meme Bokuto showed him. “Why not?” Atsumu blinked. Then, he blinked again. Over and over for about a minute, he was staring at Suna who held his gaze on Atsumu's honey eyes. “What?” “What?” Suna asked, tilting his head to the side which brought their noses to a brushing distance. Atsumu wanted to know what was going on inside Suna's mind. The fox was neither smiling nor joking. He was completely serious with a straight face. He wanted to speak, but his heart was getting the best of him. It was beating so loudly, he was kind of anxious that Suna might hear it. Suna, on the other hand, could feel Atsumu's pulse quicken on his arm since Atsumu was basically laying his neck on it. He knew that the blond was flustered, but he was kind of curious too. He had a girlfriend back in highschool, but they never really got into kissing much since she had… absolute horrid breath after eating. Mints couldn't even save her. Suna could gag by just thinking about her. “So?” He further pushed Atsumu's buttons, the blond underneath him overheating in a sense that it was getting harder for him to breathe. Atsumu was blushing. He was blushing because of his “bestfriend”. He could wish that this was just a dream. 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 “I think I'm gettin’ sleepy, Rin. Ya can go back down now.” Atsumu wiped his tears as he tried sitting up, pushing the fox away. But, the fox persisted, keeping Atsumu down in a tight hold, his hand moving to push Atsumu down by the stomach. Suna looked down, his eyes met with Atsumu's surprised ones. “Are ya tryin’ to run away from me, Tsumu?” The mentioned blond blushed as he knitted his brows. “Don't joke around, Rin. This isn't funny.” “I'm not jokin’.” Suna leaned down, their noses once again in a brushing distance. Atsumu could feel his breathing hitch as he looked into Suna’s eyes. “What if… I actually wanna kiss ya? Sumu? Would ya push me away?” He asked in a hushed voice. Atsumu could feel his heart race. He could feel his chest collapsing and caving in him again. He wanted to cry and push Suna away. He didn't know what to do. Was it his organs tying each other in a knot, or was it the million cocoons inside his stomach bursting into butterflies? “Quit that, Rin. I told ya, didn't I? Yer like the lil’ brother Samu and I wanted. Stop this.” He sat up, avoiding Suna’s gaze. The fox's eyes narrowed down, his gaze set on the blond’s neck. “Go back down and get yer rest. Enough jokes for now, okay?” Suna didn't want to give up now. He wanted to keep whatever he created going. Come on, Atsumu. It was getting to the best part. But, Suna sighed as he moved to the edge of the top bunk, jumping down with a soft thump. “Whatever.” He muttered, softly sliding under the weighted blanket he left on the bottom bunk. Atsumu grabbed onto his shirt, face so red it almost contrasted with the wall. He can't believe it. Suna made his heart race. He made him feel a feeling comparable to eating good food. Osamu’s food metaphors never left his mind… That moment was certainly a moment where he enjoyed the food before him. God, it made him want to cry. He was… feeling something real. Are some things really fun when it's real? Atsumu took a deep breath in before laying down, facing the ceiling as a few tears formed in his eyes. “Goodnight, Rin…” Silence. It was a good three minutes of silence. Atsumu begged Suna to not leave him hanging now. Suna turned in his bed, looking at the top bunk even if his body was facing the right. He smiled, feeling his heart race and face heat up slightly. It wasn't even winter, but he felt so snuggled under the covers now. “Goodnight, Sumu…” Atsumu smiled as he turned to face the right as well, his hand once again dangling from the edge. “Goodnight, Rintarou.” Suna sat up grabbing Atsumu's hand softly as he placed it on his cheek, feeling Atsumu's warm touch. “Goodnight, Atsumu…” Atsumu could feel Suna's soft lips peck his palm before his hand was left hanging in the cold air again. “Goodnight, Suna.” Atsumu took his hand back up, looking at his palm. “Goodnight, Miya…” Then again, both of them were hit in the head with theirsimilar thoughts. Nothing's fun when it's real. ☏ Suna stared at Atsumu who was polishing the volleyball he held in his hand. His eyes were focused on Atsumu like a spotlight, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned on the doorway. “Sumu, ya done there?” He called out, the blond flinching in surprise. “Ya've been polishin’ all the volleyballs here since this mornin’. Ya didn't even wake me up. The old farts who play here say thank ya, by the way.” Atsumu laughed nervously, standing up as he dusted himself. “Ya looked so comfortable in yer sleep. I would've felt bad if I woke ya up from it.” He replied, tossing the last volleyball into the bin. The fox smiled. Atsumu's nervous habits. Cleaning stuff out of impulse to distract himself was one of them. Osamu and Suna created a listing system where they tried to use Atsumu as their thesis back in highschool during their third year. Ultimately, it was effective. Title? “Factors that affect athletes out of their life in sports”. Suna walked over, placing his hand on Atsumu's shoulder again. He noticed the way the blond shrunk in his hold, enough proof to submit that he was indeed nervous and flustered. “We've been skippin’ breakfast recently. A nurse came by and asked us to eat an extra serving at lunch later.” “It's only been our second day here. Do they keep track of all their patients at the same time?” Atsumu asked. Suna scoffed. “Duh? It's a rehab. The fuck did ya expect? They're supposed to make us feel better, not let us crash here with no care in their minds.” Atsumu shrugged. “Touche.” Silence once again settled between them as Suna walked with the blond back to their room. This time, he was determined to catch the mentioned blond off guard once again. It was starting to be a fun game. The slap of their slippers could be heard. As they continued to make their way back to their room, they came across other patients who were doing their activities. Some were playing inside the library whilst the others read books. Some were in their rooms, sleeping or bashing their head against the wall. Atsumu is quite relieved that no one has thrown a bitch fit yet. Then, it was time to face the one thing he's been avoiding all morning. He raised his gaze, now landing it on Suna's face. He was much taller than the blond after all, which was kind of infuriating that he had to look up everytime he spoke with the fox. He could feel his heart racing again. His face was heating up as his stomach was the one to alarm him this time. It was so… Suna leaned his head to the side, his eyes now locked in with Atsumu's. “Can't take yer eyes off of me?” Atsumu's breath shuddered as he stopped in his tracks. His heartbeat went from the normal 60 bpm to a 100 bpm in mere seconds of looking into Suna's eyes. The side of his lips nervously ticked up as he laughed. “W-What? What are ya talkin’ about? I was lookin’ at yer hair.” “Still at me though.” Suna turned, pining Atsumu to their door. The blond let out a small— “Hic” before raising his head to look at the fox. Suna smirked. “What's gotten into ya, Sumu? Ya've been actin’ so suspicious…” The blond's lips quivered as he glared at the fox. “Yer the one who's actin’ weird! Yer actin’ like nothin’ happened last night.” “Something could've happened last night…” Nothing's fun when it's real. Atsumu bit his lips as his face colored red. Suna couldn't determine if it was the red of anger or the red of a flustered blush. Either way, he saw fun in the way Atsumu glared at him. “W-Why do ya keep lookin’ at me like that, Rin? Is this a fuckin’ joke to ya?” Atsumu asked him in a slight shout. Suna returned a wide grin as he leaned closer, their noses once again in a brushing distance. “Why? Ya don't like it when I look at ya like this?” Atsumu could feel tears stinging his eyes as he bared his teeth at Suna. “I don't!” A look of surprise shattered the smirk on Suna's lips as he lowered his hands. “I…—” “If this is a joke, Rin, it's not funny! I'm going through a fuckin’ break up. If ya think flirtin’ or jokin’ around with me like this would get a laugh out of me, fuck off, ‘cause it ain't! It's just makin’ me feel more of the pain that I got right now on my plate. I appreciate it if ya want to make me feel better, but this? This ain't it, Rin. So please. Fuckin’ please, stop!” Atsumu was crying again. He was full on sobbing under Suna as the blond shakily reached for the door knob. Suna sighed as he opened the door for Atsumu, the blond running inside and into the bathroom on the left. The fox stood frozen by the door, unable to even take a step inside. Nothing's fun when it's real. He bit his tongue, brows furrowed as he felt his nose scrunch. He folded his hands into fists as he shut his eyes tight, feeling the guilt creep up and send a cold breeze up his neck. What was he thinking? That messing with Atsumu would help him cope with his break up? He wasn't even interested, let alone gay in the first place. It's crazy what he'd do for a friend. Suna took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly as he took a step inside, still stuck at the genkan. He could hear Atsumu sobbing Sakusa's name in the bathroom. They were boyfriend's for three years. The first boy Atsumu has ever loved in his life. Of course, this kind of thing would've made him feel guilty. Suna made Atsumu feel guilty. What could have even pushed Suna to start acting like this towards Atsumu? They were never into flirting as a joke in the first place. He doesn't even know his own sexuality at this point. He never questioned it either. So, why now? Why did it have to be Atsumu? The fox slowly walked over to the bathroom door, placing his hand on the wood as he let out a sigh. “Sumu, I'm sorry…” He apologized. The sobbing came to a halt as he heard Atsumu's clothes shift. “Go away, Rin…” Atsumu spoke softly, asking the fox to give him space. Suna bit his lip as he felt his own eyes sting. “I don't know what came over me, okay? I thought that… That, y'know, what I was doin’ would cheer ya up. I'm sorry.” “Oh, so ya think that flirtin’ with a gay guy like me would make me feel better about myself? That's so fuckin’ homophobic and so fuckin’ selfish of ya! Don't ya know how bad it feels to know ya’ve been usin’ my sexuality as a means of drownin’ my sadness down and to humor yerself? There are so many ways I can cope with my break up, and havin’ ya there ain't necessary at all! If ya have nothin’ good to contribute, have ya tried leavin’ me the fuck alone?” Suna's hand folded into a tight fist as he took all of Atsumu's words to heart. Honestly, the blond was right. He had no idea what a true heartbreak felt like. He doesn't know how painful it is. To top it all off, he was also ignorant on the parts dealing with Atsumu's feelings and sexuality. “I'm sorry, Atsumu.” —Was all he could mutter before he finally drew himself away from the door. From inside, Atsumu could hear Suna leaving their room. He was sitting on the toilet, hugging his knees as he sobbed his heart out. Suna was the only one who has made him sob this bad. “What a prick…” He muttered to himself, eyes hurting as tears continued to leave. Selfishness is a trait that needs to be drowned. A part of him wanted Suna to comfort and stay with him until he felt better since he felt better in the company of other people with him. But, he needed to be alone for this. Suna hurt his feelings, it was just right that the other had to suffer the consequences of his actions. God, how much has love destroyed him? Sakusa was already hard to move on from. Atsumu loved him, from every strand of hair on his head, down to his toes. Atsumu shared all of his feelings with the person who easily threw him away. It was pure fucking betrayal and yet he's the only one probably suffering right now. He didn't even get what he gave back. Sakusa just had to gatekeep all of those nice things Atsumu gave, huh? He wished that he had enough guts to blame and lash out on Sakusa, but, knowing Atsumu, he'd never hurt the people he loves. Just, what do they want from him? It was unfair in his eyes. Everyone expected him to never make a mistake. Couldn't they handle a sad Atsumu for a while? Osamu could… Osamu was there when Atsumu was sad. His Ma could handle a sad Atsumu. He wanted to punt Sakusa in the face. Did a mistake look like a virus in his eyes? Was it that dirty that he had to discard Atsumu in the most brutal murder possible? It wasn't easy loving Sakusa either. There were so many adjustments and habits he had to pick up just so he could call Sakusa his boyfriend. Sakusa did say he accepted Atsumu the way he was… But why is it that he still found it hard to love some flaws Atsumu displayed? Why is it that Atsumu is the hypocrite and not them? Not them for painting him that way? A good 30 minutes later, Atsumu came out after taking a long soak in the water. It was just the right time for lunch too. Suna wasn't in the room, he was nowhere to be seen. Deep inside, Atsumu felt guilty for driving his friend away like that. He took a step outside of the room, cautious since Suna wouldn't be there to hold him safe. He was even more anxious that something bad would happen, but the hallway was silent and empty. “Maybe everyone's at lunch now.” He muttered to himself as he walked towards the dining hall. On the way there, however, he heard Suna's voice arguing with one of the nurses. Atsumu hid behind the wall, listening in on the conversation. “Come on, please. Ya have to have a spare solo room, right? The last time I was here, ya had many to spare.” Suna argued. The nurse looked terrified of the tall man arguing with her as she raised her clipboard to hide underneath it. “Sir, I'm sorry but all the solo rooms have been given out! The nearest solo room to be vacated is due until next month, so I'm afraid I can't move your roommate.” “But— Can I just be switched out, then? Like, move me to another room or somethin’, huh?” “Sir, we can't do that either since you are specifically assigned to a room. All of the rooms are vacated since this is the only rehabilitation in Osaka.” Suna facepalmed as he took a deep breath in. “I… I'm sorry. Thank ya for… yer service.” Atsumu stayed silent, his guts tying each other in a knot again. He couldn't help but frown at Suna, his heart feeling itself crack a little. He didn't mean to be that mean to the fox. He just wanted to let him know that whatever he was doing was wrong. He didn't want Suna to distance himself from him this way. The blond let out a sigh as he walked back to their room, no longer feeling the appetite. He felt that the food would taste cold and bitter in his mouth now. It wouldn't taste the same anymore. He crawled under his sheets, heart feeling heavy as he sniffled. He missed Sakusa. He missed how lenient and strict he was with how Atsumu acted, that way the blond wouldn't make a fool out of himself. He missed Sakusa's touch that would burn his skin with how hot and passionate it was. He missed Sakusa, his first love, oh, so dearly. His eyes never hurt this way before. Why did Suna have to makehim cry now? Why is he crying over Suna when it's Sakusa that broke his heart? Nothing's fun when it's real. ☏ It's been a week since Atsumu and Suna's argument. The blond no longer felt the energy to play volleyball. He was either in the library playing jenga with random geezers whilst Suna kept playing with the others who were playing volleyball. Deep inside, Atsumu missed messing around with Suna. Not that messing around, but the everyday volleyball banter they had. The messing around that friends do almost everyday. Atsumu usually ate earlier than Suna so they wouldn't bump into each other in the dining hall. He would usually leave for the library early in the morning since Suna wasn't an early riser like he was. Suna, on the other hand, tried talking to Atsumu. When the blond would walk past him, he would greet him with a quick— “Hey”, only to be left on heard. He wanted to explain his side so badly, but it looked like Atsumu wasn't ready to talk yet. So, he didn't bother him too much. He kept his mind busy by bullying the other patients who played volleyball with him. Of course, he took pride in being better than them. Every night, Atsumu would already be curled up in his bed under the covers like a snail, tucking himself in the further corner of the top bunk. Suna was worried that the blond would suffer back pain, but he knows he won't listen to a word he'd say. It was just agonizing that he'd catch Atsumu always staring at him. The way Atsumu looked at him was burdensome. There was silence between them, but Atsumu's eyes spoke volumes. If only he had the guts to throw dirt in those honey hued eyes of his. But, deep inside, Suna knew that Atsumu would be the first one to mess up with his ignoring game. On the 5th night of their second week in rehab, Suna placed some chuupets on the foot of Atsumu's bed. The blond shifted in his position as he looked at the multicolored sweet snacks below him, feeling a tug on his heart. He contemplated whether he'd eat those or leave them be. He wanted Suna to suffer since he was petty, but he was too soft hearted to just ignore those chuupets. They were Suna's favorite after all. Knowing him, he wouldn't share these with just anyone. Atsumu sighed as he sat up, the blanket still covering him like a cape as he grabbed one of the chuupets. He ripped the top open with his teeth as he began sucking on the sweet jelly snack. He smiled at the sweetness, his heart feeling full as it brought him nostalgia. Unbeknownst to him, Suna was watching him as he stood by the foot of his bed. “Are ya done ignorin’ me, Sumu…?” He asked in a soft voice, making sure he sounded sincere. Atsumu momentarily jumped in surprise before he slowly raised his gaze at Suna. “Hm?” He hummed in confusion. Suna's brows furrowed as he gave Atsumu his best puppy dog eyes. “Look, I wanted to apologize, again. If ya could hear me out, I would love that…” He began, waiting for Atsumu's affirmation to go further. Atsumu finished his chuupet, wiping the side of his mouth. “Go on…” The fox took a deep breath in as he continued. “I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry for that. I didn't wanna come off as homophobic or anythin’. I didn't want to use yer sexuality as a means to make ya feel better. I never had experience with cheerin’ up someone who's goin’ through a break up. With the flirtin' and stuff, it was all my fault. I thought it would take yer mind off of it, and I haven't thought of the consequences of it either.” Atsumu was silent all throughout, acknowledging Suna's sincerity as the fox apologized. The blond smiled softly as he got on his knees, cupping Suna's cheeks. “I'm glad ya apologized… Oh, and I forgive ya. I like it when people know their mistakes.” Atsumu was so happy he got the satisfaction of knowing he was right about getting mad. For once. He was right. Some things are fun when it's real. Suna leaned into Atsumu's touch. “I'm sorry, Sumu…” “Ya were never this soft, Rin. It's weird. Where'd our SunaRin go?” Atsumu asked, laughing softly as a smile soon sprouted on Suna's frowning lips. “Way to ruin the mood, Sumu.” Atsumu laughed a little louder this time, taking his hands back as he grabbed another chuupet. “Are these all mine?” He asked the fox. Suna nodded in response as he watched Atsumu open and eat the snack. The blond bit the chuupet’s plastic in place as he moved, patting the space beside him. “Come up here, Rin.” Suna raised his brow “Ya sure?” “Mhm. Now, come up here ya soggy baby.” Atsumu chuckled as he watched Suna make his way up to Atsumu's side, sitting a comfortable distance. It was understandable as to why, but Atsumu being himself, cuddled close to Suna. “How are ya, Rin?” He asked again, earning a scoff from the mentioned fox. “Askin’ me again? How ‘bout ya, Sumu? How are ya?” Atsumu smiled as he finished his chuupet. “I've been good. I lost to those geezers in the library whilst playin’ Jenga. I never lost to Samu when playin' jenga at all! It was new to me.” Suna listened to Atsumu with a smile on his face as he rested his head on top of the blond's locks. “Well… I bullied the ones who played against me in volleyball. They couldn't even get past my block, let alone spike that strong to get a block out.” The blond grinned as he looked at Suna, pointing at him. “That's Inarizaki’s buttercup blocker for ya folks.” The nickname caught the fox off guard as he let out a loud— “Pfft!” before laughing his lungs out. “Who the fuck named me buttercup blocker?” He asked, holding onto his chest as he laughed louder. Atsumu was also laughing his ass off as he gripped his stomach. “Ahahahaha! It was Riseki who did, God! He was so adamant at teachin’ the younger ones to call ya that behind yer back. Even other schools knew ya as our buttercup blocker.” “Was it the fuckin’ hair? Y'all damn well knew it was my ma cutting that!” Suna argued as he grinded his knuckles on Atsumu's noggin. The blond winced as he laughed louder. “It wasn't me ya bitch! Ow!” Suna let out a sigh of relief as he hugged his knees. “Y'all are mean.” Atsumu wiped the tears from his eyes as he looked at the wall, the fox doing the same. “We aren't. That's just the way we loved ya, Rin.” “What tough love that is then.” He scoffed, eyes now gluing on Atsumu. “Are we… good now?” He asked the mentioned blond in a hushed tone. Atsumu nodded slowly, closing his eyes. “Yeah… We're good.” Suna smiled as he leaned closer, his nose lost in the blond's scented hair. “I'm sorry again for bein’ ignorant, Sumu. I respect yer sexuality and I respect ya as a person so much… Please, don't forget that.” Atsumu smiled wider, his cheeks heating up a little. “Everybody makes mistakes, Rin. Just learn from em. Yer still a youngin’ after all.” “Says the one in their quarter life crisis.” Suna jokes, earning a jab to his waist. “Ow!” “I'm still 24, ya prick. I'm as strong as a bull, hmph!” Atsumu rebutted. “Alright, alright. This younger one is wrong. He apologizes to his elder.” Suna further put salt on Atsumu's wound as he earned two hands grabbing at his hair. “Call me old one more time and I'mma bleach yer hair to my highschool piss one!” He threatened, tugging on Suna's hair. “Ow! Ow! Ow!!! Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't want yer piss hair! Yer young! Yer still in yer peak! I'm sorry!” Suna could feel his hair being pulled from their roots as Atsumu raged on him. Atsumu let out a loud— “Hmph!” before taking his hand away. Suna's hair was now a mess, some strands even sticking to Atsumu's hand when he pulled away. The fox groaned as he got dizzy from the hair pulling. Atsumu sat back down properly, taking a deep breath to compose himself. “I regret havin’ piss hair so much. Thank God I learned about that purple shampoo shit. I can never see myself without hair dye.” Atsumu let out a sigh of relief. “At least yer piss hair didn't stop ya from gettin’ many fans. Ya and Samu had a fuckin’ fan club for y'alls back in the day.” Suna fixed his hair, combing through it with his fingers. The blond hummed. “They were hella annoyin' though. If only I came out gay sooner, I wouldn't hafta deal with ‘em squealin’ pigs at our every game.” “Touche.” Suna replied as he laid down on Atsumu's thighs. The both of them stared into each other's eyes, lost in the moment. Suna, for the first time, could feel his heart racing as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He was feeling things for Atsumu. Out of all the times, why now? Atsumu, on the other hand, admired Suna's eyes. They were always relaxed and his lashes were long… He envied him. He was so damn pretty, why wasn't he the one who had a fan club before? (He sees himself daily in the mirror, he only sees Osamu, that's why he thinks he's darn ugly.) Suna lowered his gaze to look at his trembling hands that rested on his chest. “Tell me a bedtime story, will ya, Sumu?” “Ya sleepin’ here with me? Ya should fix yer position then.” Atsumu pulled himself away, Suna's head flopping on the mattress. The fox grumbled. He wanted to fall asleep on Atsumu's thighs like a child. He sighed as he pushed himself up to lay on Atsumu's pillow, the blond lying beside him. “What do ya want to hear?” Atsumu asked. “What about that one time we…” ☏ 
“It would be me against the world, but I don't care, I'm happy to be who I am.” Atsumu smiled at Suna who laid on his lap.
 
It was their 10 minute break after the first 30 minutes of their practice. Osamu was sitting besides Atsumu, listening to his brother rant about his sexuality,
 
“So, yer sayin’ that Kita-san was yer– what do ya call it?” “Gay awakening.” He answered Osamus's question.
 
Osamu pursed his lips. “Well, Kita-san is dependable as hell though. I'm not really surprised if it's him. I just thought ya were straight since ya used to hit on Karasuno's Number 5’s sister.”
 
Suna nodded. “Yeah, and ya have yer fan girls basically flashin’ ya every game.”
 
Atsumu laughed, scratching his cheek. “It's not like I chose to be this way. I've always been like this, and Ma knows that too… I don't think I'll ever change.”
 
“No one's askin’ ya to change, Sumu.” Osamu nudged his brother. “Just give me the permission to call ya a twink tho when we argue.”
 
“Permission fucking denied? Hello? Ya tryin’ to be homophobic on me, Samu?” Atsumu raised his eyebrow, smirking at his twin.
 
Suna laughed as he took a picture of the two. A few moments later, he stared at Atsumu. “What does it feel like? Is it any different from likin’ girls?”
 
Atsumu hummed as he looked at the ceiling. “It ain't that different, really. Yer just likin’ a person for bein’ a person. Love is love either way, there ain't no other meanin’ or variation of it anyway. If a man loves a man, and if a woman loves a woman, nothin’s particularly wrong.”
 
Osamu looked at his brother, a bit of worry in his eyes. “Are ya gonna tell anyone else?”
 
This earned a soft laugh of nervousness from Atsumu. “God, no. Ya know how they treat the gays in this country… One day, maybe. I'll get famous, then earn respect through my hard work. By then, they won't have a choice but to accept who I am.”
 
“Gettin’ famous for that, huh?” Suna pondered, lost in his thoughts.
 
Come to think of it, he has seen Atsumu as a pretty person in his eyes before. I mean, the first time he ever joined the Inarizaki volleyball team, all he had for Atsumu was admiration. The boy would literally break his back no matter how low the ball was just to set it up for a good toss.
 
Suna took Atsumu's hand, drawing circles on his calloused palms. “Can ya tell me more about how it feels like bein’... y’know– gay and all that.”
 
Atsumu smiled as he looked back up at the ceiling. “Well, for me, I started to realize I had a crush on Kita-san when I kept gettin’ nervous around him. At the same time, I felt the need to be closer to him. Even if he didn't notice me, just bein’ a few meters close to him was enough.”
 
“Ya sound like a fuckin’ pushover, Sumu.” Osamu commented, earning a soft punch to his shoulder. “Shut up, Samu.”
 
“Go on.” Suna butted in. Atsumu was surprised, but he cleared his throat and continued. “After that, I would usually feel my cheeks heat up as if I have a fever. Then, my heart starts racin’ when he talks to me or even if he only looks at me… I mean, have ya seen Kita-san’s eyes?”
 
Osamu and Suna had no choice but to agree. Kita-san was probably the world's most perfect man at this point.
 
Atsumu cleared his throat. “What I like about Kita-san… Well, he's smart and very responsible. He's also carin’ in his own way. He tries his best to make an effort. He cleans up after himself and his surroundin’s. I guess my standard for care came from Samu since, even if he's the younger one, he still takes care of me.”
 
“That's ‘cause yer a baby.” Osamu commented, earning a nod from Atsumu who didn't deny.
 
Suna hummed. “I think yer just the same as Kita-san, tho. Minus the being perfect part ‘cause yer an absolute ass.” “Hey!”
 
“Either way, I think ya set a good standard. Seein’ that yer as hardworkin’ as the one ya like… Ya deserve to get a partner just as good.” Suna said with a smile.
 
Atsumu stared at Suna for a moment before letting out a soft— “Yeah”.
 
Osamu nodded. “Before ya decide gettin’ a boyfriend, better bring ‘em to me first before I can approve. If I hate ‘em, I'mma have to roundhouse kick their ass.”
 
The blond let out a soft laugh before running his fingers through Suna's hair unconsciously. “Ya two will be the judge of my future partner. If he's shitty, then kill him for me. I want someone who's as good as Kita-san, or even better… Whew, Kita-san really is the standard of a good house husband.”
 
“For real.” Osamu stood up with a grunt. “10 minutes is over, back to practice everyone!” He yelled out, commanding them as the vice-captain.
 
Suna helped Atsumu up, lending his arm out as the captain grabbed it.
 
“I hope ya find a good boyfriend then, Sumu.” He smiled at Atsumu.
 
“I will find a good boyfriend ‘cause I know I deserve one.” Atsumu laughed, pulling Suna along as practice resumed.
 ☏ 
2 days later
 “You've got a lot of fuckin’ nerve comin’ here on yer own, ya bitch.” Osamu raised his hand, pulling his sleeve up as he glared at the man before him. It was raining outside. Sakusa's hair was wet and he was barely inside the restaurant. “I just wanted to talk to Atsu, is he here?” Osamu's eyes widened in a crazed look as he scoffed, fists tightened as they almost bled. “Ya want to talk after that shit ya pulled in the news?! Are ya fucked in the head, ya sick fuck?!” Sakusa grimaced as he let out a sigh, taking his facemask off. “I wanted to apologize. It happened in the heat of the moment, I didn't realize the words that were coming out of my mouth. Has Atsu heard the news yet?” “Sumu ain't here to listen’ to yer bullshit, Sakusa. Ya better go home before I beat yer ass up!” Osamu stood his ground, arms folded on top of his chest. “Go!” “Wait— Let me talk to him, please. I have a lot of things unsaid and I know Atsu deserves a proper explanation. We really… didn't end that on good terms. I know I must look like a massive asshole in your eyes right now, but please.” Osamu shut his eyes tight as he slammed a chair to the ground, gritting his teeth at Sakusa who was caught off guard. “GET OUT! SUMU HAS GONE THROUGH HELL ‘CAUSE OF YA. DON'T YA EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF RESPECT FOR HIM?” Sakusa's tongue was stiff. If Atsumu was easy to talk to, his brother was an iron wall. Osamu was much scarier than Atsumu when he's serious. One thing Sakusa does know is that Osamu absolutely loved Atsumu, and he'd do anything for his twin brother. Osamu would do anything for Atsumu. “I'll come back… Please, tell him that I want to talk.” Sakusa turned around, putting his facemask back on as he ran to his car in the pouring rain. Osamu watched as the man left in a hurry, his fury still there. He was pissed beyond words with the recent interview Sakusa had regarding his break up with Atsumu. Osamu was ready to kill that man for his brother's sake. He sighed, picking the chair up as he sat on it, a few tears forming in his eyes. Osamu absolutely loved Atsumu, to the point that he'd be the one shedding tears for him. Atsumu was too scared to hit anyone, but he'd also be too scared to shed a tear. Osamu was fine with getting into fights, but he'd also be the one to cry the most since Atsumu said it's fine. He wished his twin was fine. He wished Atsumu was doing well. ☏ The mentioned twin was in the library, playing jenga with Suna. The fox was so focused on pulling that one wooden rectangle that made the tower sway from left to right oh so slowly. “Shit…” Suna took a deep breath in, pulling it out as the tower fell. “Fuck!” The blond bursted out laughing as he pointed at Suna. “Ya lost! I take the win again, bozo.” Atsumu giggled as he took the chuupets on the side of the table. Suna grumbled as he watched Atsumu take the snack, the blond eating them before him. “Yer so mean, Sumu. Ya know no one ever wins against ya in jenga.” Suna sighed. Atsumu grinned with the plastic in his mouth. “Setter things I guess.” He shrugged, finishing the chuupet he was sucking on. The fox smiled as he rested his face on his palm, admiring the blond who enjoyed his food. “We have one more week to spare… Mind if I crash at yer place?” Atsumu's eyebrows raised as he grinned. “That's the best thing ya've said to me so far! Of course! Samu and I miss hangin’ out, and maybe smokin’ with ya too, Rin. Yer always better at making the mix for us.” He pursed his lips. Suna chuckled as he looked outside the window. “Then ya better give me free onigiri for my services. Samu’s cruel for makin’ me pay.” He clicked his tongue, kind of annoyed that Osamu still teases him. The blond giggled as he opened another chuupet, leaning unto the table. “It's been nice bein’ here. I never really slept that well in so long since our controversy. Who knew bein’ highschool friends would get us stoned to death.” “People are just fuckin’ dramatic. I'm still pissed at yer boyfriend for not lettin’ us give our personal statement. I know he's rich, but to pay me to not say anythin’? Motherfucker, I'm prepared to punt his face now that ya've broken up.” Suna knitted his brows, glaring at the window. Atsumu shrugged. “I won't even stop ya. I mean, just don't kill him, I guess… Leave him able to play or somethin’, I dunno. Or maybe not ‘cause the media might just burn us at the stake.” “Are ya stuck in the 16th century? The fuck is up with yer witch metaphors?” Suna raised his brow at the blond who chuckled. “Samu and I were watchin’ a netflix series. It got into my head pretty well.” Suna wasn't surprised. Atsumu was always the type to really remember things in perfect detail, especially if it's for revenge. He's so petty that even him and Osamu can't defend his actions. He was the real definition of— “You're not getting away with this. I will have your head on my wall like a taxidermied deer.” “Other than smokin’ more mary with me, what else do ya wanna do? I mean, for me, I won't be back to practice at least one more week of bein’ out of here.” Suna took one of the wooden pieces from the jenga set. Atsumu hummed. “Meian-san and the others would most likely visit me after I get out… Wanna come and have drinks with us? It could also help clear the allegations.” Suna hummed. “As long as Sakusa ain't commin’, I'm goin’. But, knowin’ him, he prolly won't, right?” He snickered. Atsumu chuckled. “Y'know Omi, he won't go to bars nor even stay at Samu’s restaurant for meals. He'd prolly send in Toya tho, knowin’ him, he won't let things go by.” “I mean, fair enough.” Suna shrugged as he started building the jenga tower again. Silence settled between them as Suna noticed Atsumu reminiscing about Sakusa again. That damned smile on his face was enough of a story already. He couldn't help but be curious. “In yer three years with Sakusa… How was he?” He asked, catching Atsumu off guard. Atsumu's tongue was stiff. He was surprised that Suna would ask, but then again, it's Suna. Suna always asks him the hardest yet most answerable questions. Suna makes sense most of the time, unless he's high out of his mind like they were 2 years ago. “Well, Omi was a nice experience… No– actually, he was everythin’. My first for almost everythin’, really. He treated me well, but there were times where our arguments got too out of hand… Someone like me dealin’ with a blunt person like him is like cuttin’ meat with a dull blade. He showed his affection in ways I can't comprehend, which was my flaw… We loved each other differently, maybe that's why we never saw eye to eye.” Atsumu could feel tears welling up in his eyes, but somehow, they refused to leave. He laughed in a sob-like sound. “Omi was hard to understand since he was never someone to talk about his feelings, yeah? But, he appreciated the way I tried to understand him… I'm glad I tried ‘cause he was so fun to love. He… He was someone I was so afraid to lose. Maybe that's why my heart's so broken like this, and yet I can't seem to cry ‘cause… In the end, he showed me the shittiest side of him that was so tough to love.” Suna had his hands folded in fists as he listened to Atsumu. Honestly, they had a very healthy relationship from what he heard. Atsumu loved Sakusa, Sakusa loved Atsumu the same. But, things weren't the best when they argued. Was it their pride clashing against each other? Knowing Atsumu, he'd be the type to unintentionally guilt trip Sakusa by never fighting for himself. Maybe that's why Sakusa got so used to putting all the blame on Atsumu. “It was so hard to love him when he's… that mean, y'know? I didn't know how to love that… That side of him. I regret not learnin’ how…” The two of them fueled each other's separation. They both held onto the relationship like a raft on fire. This is why nothing's fun when it's real. “I didn't want it to end.” Atsumu continued, looking into Suna's eyes with tears caged in them. “I didn't want to break up with him… I still don't want to.” He sniffled. Atsumu hated the way his eyes stung, but his tears were betraying him. As if they were telling him that it wasn't worth it to shed them now. Remembering Sakusa's promise 3 years ago that he'd never make Atsumu cry. Here he is now, beaten and left by the man that once promised him that they'd reach their dreams together. That man who promised to help him live a better life than his twin to prove to him that he was happier. Atsumu laughed as he looked up, his chest caving in on itself again. “God, I love Kiyoomi… I love him so much, I'm so afraid I won't have anyone to fly with me anymore… Maybe— Maybe I'm just that hard to stay with, yeah? Maybe I'm the problem—” “You're not!” Suna grabbed Atsumu's hand, bringing him back down to earth as the two of them looked into each other's eyes. Suna bit his lip as he furrowed his brows, letting out a deep sigh. “Sumu, he loved ya too.” He spoke softly. “I know he did, because yer the most loveable person I know. Yer egoistical, sure, but ya never meant to hurt anyone. Y'know yerself. Y'know yer worth since ya've worked hard to reach where ya are, so never ever say yer the problem… At best, Samu loves ya. Yer Ma loves ya. I… I love ya, y’know? There are people who love ya for who ya are, Sumu…” Atsumu bit his lip as his eyes narrowed, his tears threatening to fall as he sniffled. The fox continued, eyes still locked on the blond's honey ones. “Sakusa broke up with ya in the shittiest way possible, but think about why he did that… Maybe he didn't want ya hurtin’ anymore. Ya know he cares ‘bout ya so… try to think that he did that for the better.” In that moment, Atsumu's eyes shut as he felt hands gripping on his heart. It was so hard to breathe, he had to let in a gasp of air before sobbing. He took his hand back, covering his face as he wailed. Suna sat there, watching Atsumu break down in front of him. He was glad that they had the library all to themselves at this time. That way, Atsumu was able to express his emotions in ways he needed to. Atsumu's breathing was ragged as he sobbed even more. He would occasionally mutter Sakusa's name and say that he missed and loved him. Suna just sat there, his hand offered for Atsumu to take. It took a good 15 minutes for Atsumu to calm down. His eyes were puffy and his nose was dripping with snot. Suna simpered, standing up as he went behind Atsumu, hugging the blond who collected himself. Atsumu raised his head up, gasping for air as he calmed himself down. He was shaking along with occasional hiccups. “Yer alright, Sumu… It's okay…” Suna spoke softly, running his fingers through the blond's dry locks. Atsumu smiled as he hid behind Suna's arm, his tears and snot rubbing on the fox's sleeve. “Sankyu, Rin…” His brows furrowed as he sobbed again. “I miss Samu…” Atsumu chuckled, opening his eyes as he looked at the ceiling. Suna remained hugging him, eyes shut. “You'll come home to him soon, don't worry Sumu.” Atsumu smiled, closing his eyes again as he relaxed into Suna's hold. “Yeah… I'm goin’ home to Samu…” ☏ Atsumu closed his eyes as the water ran down on him. Break ups in TV and movies were always so fun to watch, but now that he's the one going through it, it's all of a sudden the hardest thing he's ever experienced. He wanted to cry again, but his eyes refused to even produce more tears. The blond scoffed as he closed the shower, the excess water running down his hair as he grabbed a towel. He walked outside, seeing Suna who was reading a magazine on his bed. “Ya've been readin’ that for a while now. Got anythin’ interestin’ to share?” Atsumu asked as he began changing. Suna hummed. “Nah, this week's shonen jump ain't really interestin’. Anyway, we'll be out tomorrow. Ain't ya at least a bit enthusiastic about it?” He asked, sitting up as he stretched. “I'm happy… I miss Samu.” Atsumu said with a sad smile as he finished changing. Suna patted the space next to him as the fox sat down. Suna grabbed the towel as he began drying Atsumu's hair. “Ya should retouch yer hair dye. Yer roots are turnin’ back to their original color.” Atsumu raised his brow, grabbing his hair. “Really? Fuck, I look ugly with no hair color. Now I really miss Samu. He better help me re-dye my hair.” He groaned, thinking about what he would look like if he were to go back to his natural hair color. He'd look too much like Osamu and he hates it. Absolutely hates it. Suna knew that look as he chuckled, combing through Atsumu's hair with his fingers. “Yer clearly thinkin’ about how hella ugly ya’d be if ya went back to yer root color. If Samu was here, he would've kicked yer face.” “He does that for free. I just don't want people to go up to me and say that I look like the chef that cooks at fuckin’ Onigiri Miya like— Hello? Were ya not informed I am in fact a twin?” He laughed softly. Suna grinned as he set the towel aside, pulling Atsumu to lay his head on his chest. “One twin is a good cook and the other is a shitty disaster in the kitchen. Maybe ya'd gotta have different fields to be good at.” “Well, I'm obviously better at everythin’ other than bein' a housewife… Maybe I am destined to wear the fuckin’ pants in a relationship!” Atsumu's eyes sparkled as he came to that conclusion. With that conclusion, Suna let out a loud— “Pfft!” before flicking Atsumu's forehead. “I can't see ya as– what do ya call it? A top?” “Hey! I can… I can give good sex.” Atsumu said slowly yet with full confidence, earning a louder laugh from the fox behind him. God, Atsumu wished he could put oxygen directly into his lungs because this man is dying. Suna almost let out a scream as he gasped for air. “I can't— No! Ya gotta be jokin’ Sumu! I can't!” He wheezed, eyes almost popping out from their sockets. Atsumu's brows knitted in annoyance as his forehead veins popped out. “Yer havin’ so much fun talkin’ shit about my sex life there, Rin.” “Yeah, yer non-existent record as someone who gives durin’ sex, sure. Yer so easy to bend over, ya expect to wear the pants in a relationship?” Suna poked fun at Atsumu. The blond gasped in offense. “Yer bein’ so mean right now, Rin!” Suna let out a long— “Hahh” before wiping his eyes. “I seriously can't see ya being with someone as someone who gives. With a baby face like yers, ya'd prolly look stupid.” Atsumu smiled as he cupped his cheeks. “So, I'm pretty?” His eyes fluttered as he tried charming Suna. The fox grimaced as he pushed Atsumu's face away. “I can't even say ya look good ‘cause I've been surrounded with yer face for years– multiplied ‘cause of Samu.” He shivered. “It's freaky cause what if Samu starts datin’ someone and ya get caught in a scandal.” “Oh, fuck. Yer right.” Atsumu groaned. “We still have a scandal of our own, eyes up here.” The fox's eyes narrow as he sighs. “We haven't seen the news in 3 weeks since they don't allow phones nor TV here. Who's gonna pick us up by the way?” He asks the blond who pursed his lips. “Coach Foster will since Samu’ll be busy. He'll drop us off there anyway. Is that okay with ya?” Atsumu asked as he leaned closer to Suna, feeling drowsy. Suna ran his fingers through Atsumu's hair. “That's fine with me. Wanna stop by a boutique to grab some hair dye? I'll help ya dye yer hair, and I know a cheap brand of good conditioner that can make yer hair less of a broom than it is now.” Atsumu looked up, an offended expression on his face. “My hair always looks good on camera!” The fox chuckled as he placed his hand on top of Atsumu's eyes, covering them. “That's ‘cause ya style it. When ya leave it like this, it's dry and dyin’ to the eyes.” The blond puffed his cheeks as he crossed his arms above his chest, his breathing getting slower. “Fine…” He yawns softly. “Wake me up when lunch’s ready… I'mma sleep for a bit.” Suna nodded, fixing the way Atsumu was leaning on him so he could hold the blond by the waist. “Sure. Sleep away.” Atsumu went to sleep as the corners of his lips ticked up into a small smile. Suna sighed as he stared into space, hearing Atsumu breath slowly beneath him. With the three weeks he spent with the blond, there was undoubtedly a feeling that was rekindled within him. And that was his feelings for the blond back in highschool. The feelings that made him question his own sexuality. But, he hates it though. The feeling was always so unfamiliar and it was also towards a friend he could consider family. And besides, he wasn't gay. He knows to himself that being gay is just… making yourself suffer more than a normal human being does. He isn't gay. Being gay would mean… Nothing's fun when it's real. He could vaguely remember the time Atsumu had started dating Sakusa. He was always jealous at how casual and how perfect of a pair they were. The blond never knew that the fox had always felt that way towards him though. Suna was one to slide in comments that the twins wouldn't get. At some point, Osamu even asked him if he has ever had a crush on either of them. Suna was quick to respond that he'd rather kill himself than to even date either of them because they were simply good friends. But, by the time Atsumu mentioned he had a crush on Kita… he realized it wasn't about just liking the person for their gender and well, face. His mom always taught him that love was always about appearance and that he'll only come to love someone he found attractive. Atsumu wasn't really attractive in his eyes either. The blond was seen handsome by other people, but seeing that face twice was enough for Suna to lose interest in his appearance. But his personality was another conversation. He was a control-freak, a tyrant of some sorts. He was arrogant and always ignorant of the people around him. Atsumu had a way with his words, and he knew how to show his love for someone. People may not like him for thinking highly of himself, but that's just because people's insults and backhanded compliments weren't really worth his time. Atsumu worked hard to earn respect, and to be trash talked is simply a simple case of a “You Problem” for those who hate him. Atsumu respects the one who sees him eye to eye, and he mocks those who think he's any less than them. When it comes to people that Atsumu loves and/or respects, he somehow ends up taking the blame. He immediately becomes submissive after a quick fight because he knows if he makes one more mistake, they'll leave. When passion was the conversation rather than talent, he was a god that loved all his creation. He shows his emotions well. He wants them real. That's one of the things that attracted Suna to him. Atsumu knew his worth and he flaunts it rightfully. He knows his expertise and he pushes it to its limit, willing to learn more just to make it easier and better for everyone to experience. He's also strong for holding back his natural animal instinct of being prideful. But then, Atsumu is the weakest when it comes to his loved ones. He shows his emotions, though he never fights for it when it comes to them. Atsumu became a dictator that learned from his mistake of losing someone that sat besides him on a throne. He hopes that the blond was still in pursuit of someone to fly with him. Feelings are complicated, fatal, and most all, stupid concepts of reality. Suna prays that one day, he'd finally stop feeling human… 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 ☏ “EJP Raijin’s middle blocker? What's he doing with you, Miya Blond?” Foster stood before his car, confused as to why Suna was with Atsumu. The blond chuckled as he pointed at Suna. “As ya know, SunaRin and I have been friends since highschool, that means… we share a few similarities.” Foster sighed. “Is it your similar use of drugs even as athletes?” Atsumu flinched at the disappointed look Foster had on his face. Suna cleared his throat. “Actually, mary has medical—” “It's not the weed itself. I have smoked weed before and what I'm talking about is the smoke. You’re athletes! You need your lungs to stay longer on the court, especially you Miya blond!” Atsumu chuckled nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry… But we promise, we won't smoke anymore!” “Sounds like a fucking lie to me. Get in.” Foster opened his car door as both Atsumu and Suna made their way in, sitting next to each other at the back. “About your smoking… Try to stop it. If you can't, at least don't do it when a game is near. Mary Jane has some– I repeat! Some. Some benefits, so…” Atsumu smiled, sitting comfortably as Foster began to drive. “It's fine… I'll try to stop. I'll be there with SunaRin too. I'm an adult responsible enough—” “Miya blond, you're full of lies aren't you?” Foster looked at him from the rear view mirror, a smirk on his face. Atsumu smiled nervously as he looked at Suna. The fox snickered as he leaned on Atsumu, resting his head on the blond's shoulder. “Sometimes, ya are full of shit, Sumu.” Atsumu let out a small— “Ah” before scowling at Suna. “Yer supposed to be on my side, Rin! Don't side with him!” “Yer coach is absolutely right tho. Nothin’ wrong with what he said ‘bout yer take on responsibility.” Suna chuckled, eyes on the road. The blond puffed his cheeks as he pouted. A few minutes later, his eyes widened as he leaned forward. “By the way, Coach, can we stop by a boutique? I need to buy some hair dye.” “Sure. You're going to retouch your hair? Or are you gonna dye it something new as a sign you got over Sakusa-kun?” Foster laughed. “Coach! I swear, it's to retouch my hair.” Atsumu argued, annoyed as the two men in the car with him laughed in unison. Foster was silent for a few moments before looking back at them again, seeing how comfortable the two were with each other. He cleared his throat, eyes now back at the road. “So, how long have you known each other again, Suna-kun?” Suna's eyes widened as he sat up straight. “Are ya askin’ me, uh– Sir?” The coach chuckled as he looked back. “Call me Foster, or Sam, whatever makes you feel comfortable.” The fox cleared his throat as he dropped his accent. “I've known Sumu since highschool, Foster-san. We've been friends since first year and fun fact, he was actually the one who got me into college in the first place.” Foster hummed. “With how close you two are, I now know why the news got you two so mixed. You look more of a family to me than a couple actually.” Atsumu grinned as he put an arm around Suna. “Of coure! He's the little brother Samu and I wanted so bad. Hehe, he's a perfect fit, right?” “Sure is.” Foster chuckled softly. Suddenly, Foster's eyes widened as he remembered something. He looked back at the two. “Atsumu, you might want to watch the news about you and Sakusa… I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, so I'll have you watch it instead.” “Oh? Our phones are dead since they don't allow it in rehab. Can I borrow yours, Coach?” Foster nodded as he took his phone out, handing it to Atsumu as he went to YouTube, searching for news about him and Sakusa. 
“Miya Atsumu and I broke up because we no longer had love to share between us. The controversy between Suna and him was news that I was unfamiliar with… I didn't even know that Atsu and the middle blocker from EJP Raijin were together that day since Atsumu and I had a major fight that very day. The breakup was my choice since I thought that… It's best if Atsu focused on himself so we could pursue our volleyball careers, since it is our common goal.”
 
“Are you saying that Miya Atsumu went to Suna Rintarou, the middle blocker from EJP Raijin for comfort after your major fight as a couple?”
 
“No comment.”
 
“Sakusa-senshu, are you saying that Miya Atsumu cheated on you with the middle blocker from EJP Raijin?”
 
“I'm not saying that he did. They are high school friends after all, so I don't really think he cheated on me. There was no cheating that was happening. It was simply a falling out.”
 
“What are your plans now since you and Miya-senshu are part of the same team?”
 
“We will still work as a team, of course. We never let our personal lives mix with our professional ones. So, nothing will change. Atsumu isn't someone who takes things deeply to heart since he cares more about his dreams than trivial matters such as the relationship we had.”
 Atsumu gripped the phone tight as the sound of voices turned into muffles. There was tinnitus ringing in his ear as a few tears plopped onto the screen that kept playing. Suna sat beside him, fists folded tight as he listened to what Sakusa said on the news. Foster wasn't any better as he felt sweat form on his neck, glancing at Atsumu from time to time as the blond grew silent. Atsumu closed his eyes as he let out a long sigh, wiping his eyes as he returned the phone to Foster. “I guess this is the end of it, huh? Are people still floodin’ the buildin’ or are they finally contented with the bullshit Omi spat?” “There are still some reporters waiting for your response… But, with your absence, there's nothing so far that changes the nation's view of you.” Foster informed, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. Atsumu leaned into the car seat, Rin holding his hand in comfort. “When did this happen?” Foster bit his lip as he made a left turn. “He was swarmed after he finished his check-up at the hospital. He was alone, so our management and team couldn't keep him away from the press. I guess he was pressured into answering… You know that Sakusa won't say those words if he wasn't under pressure right, Atsumu? You understand him, don’t you?” “No, I don't!” Atsumu covered his face as tears slipped past his eyes. “He damn well knows that I cared more about our relationship than anythin’ else! Hell, I would retire from volleyball at an early age if he wanted me to! I took sick leaves even if I wasn't sick just so I could visit him if his eczema flared up on him! I worked my ass of trainin’ and all so I could win every match with him. What is trivial with me?!” Foster sighed as he stopped the car in front of a boutique. “I'm sorry that you have to go through this, Atsumu… Do you want us to… to set a date for an interview? So you can clear up the misunderstandings?” Atsumu was silent for a few moments before he wiped his tears, sniffling. “I'll think ‘bout it…” He mumbled. Suna took out two face masks from his bag as he gave one to Atsumu. “Let's go buy hair dye?” The blond blinked for a few moments before looking at Suna, his eyes bloodshot. “Sure… I need a breath of fresh air. My life's a fuckin' mess already.” The blond took the mask as he wore it, ruffling his hair as he brushed it down to cover his face. The two got out of the car as Foster sat inside, eyes on his phone. “I'll be waiting here. You two can take your time.” Suna and Atsumu walked inside of the boutique, walking directly to the hair dye aisle as Suna grabbed the lightest shade of blonde on the top shelf. Atsumu who was beside him was staring into absolutely nothing, still processing his emotions. The fox sighed as he turned Atsumu to look at him. “Calm down, ya scrub… Yer life ain't over yet. Ya won't be burnt at the stake, ya won't be stoned to death. There's still somethin' ya can do, and we'll be there for ya. Ya know that right, Sumu?” “But what if… What if I make one single appearance in a game, all of a sudden the crowd won't go silent for me? What if I mess everythin' up cause all I could hear are the people booin’ at my name… What if…” “Shut up! God, Sumu, shut yer mouth!” Suna shook him, Atsumu's eyes widening and focusing on the taller fox. “No one's gonna hate ya. Just they try and… I'll fuckin’ cut their tongues off. So please, calm down. There's somethin’ we could do about this. Ya believe me, right?” Atsumu's eyes watered as he wiped them, sniffling. “Yeah, I'm sorry… Ugh, fuck. This is all gettin’ to my head like a fuckin’ kick to the balls. Shit, I fuckin’ hate it.” Suna sighed as he took Atsumu's hand, pulling him to the conditioner aisle. He pulled the blond's mask down as he shoved an open bottle to his nose, the scent making Atsumu jump and step back. “FUCK! That fuckin’ stinks!” He covered his nose. “Get over yer fuckin’ self, Sumu. Be sad over yer breakup or focus on somethin' else. If ya don't, I'll split yer skull open.” Atsumu's eyebrows were knit together in anger, but a quick breeze that passed behind him made him gasp as he stopped. A few inhales and exhales later, a small smile lifted his lips. He looked at Suna, the man's eyes looking at him with utmost emotions. “Haha… I'm sorry.” Atsumu smiled as he pulled his mask back up, squatting down as he looked at the bottles of conditioner. Suna looked at the blond, confused at the almost too sudden change in expression. He was kind of freaked out at how fast Atsumu was able to change his frown into a smile. Suna cleared his throat as he crouched down as well, grabbing a green bottle before him. “T-This is the one… The conditioner I was talkin’ about.” “I saw this in Bokkun’s apartment. Apparently his boyfriend owns it and it leaves yer hair smellin’ like green apples and as soft as a baby's bum.” Atsumu commented as he took it from the fox's hand. Suna looked at Atsumu, head resting on his arm as he watched the blond. “I use that…” Atsumu's eyes widened as he looked at Suna who was already staring at him. “Ya do?” With this, the fox responded with a nod. “It keeps yer hair from gettin’ frizzy, and it's also good for dyed hair.” The blond stood up as he reached out to Suna. “Let's go?” The fox smiled underneath his mask as he took Atsumu’s hand, pulling the blond along to the counter as they paid for the hair dye and conditioner. A few moments later, they settled in the car as Foster began to drive. Atsumu looked out the window, hair flowing in the air as his other hand held Suna's. It was cold outside, but Suna's hand somehow warmed his body. “Where do we drop you off, Suna-kun?” Foster asked as he glanced at the rear view mirror. Suna smiled as he squeezed Atsumu's hand, earning the blond's gaze on him. “I'll be stayin’ at Sumu’s place with his brother for a while. It's about time we three had the time to catch up and spend time with each other.” Foster's eyes widened in surprise but they quickly settled into crescents as he grinned. “To Onigiri Miya it is then. Osamu-kun must be excited to see you home, Miya blond.” Atsumu's eyes gracefully shut as he smiled. “I miss Samu too! Let's go home, Rin, Coach.” Suna stared at Atsumu as a small smile pressed firmly on his lips. “Yeah, home.” ☏ Osamu was just closing up the front of the restaurant for the night. He had his back to the street, the last of his customers saying goodbye as they walked away. Osamu sighed as he locked the shop, turning his head as a car pulled by the driveway. The car door opened, Atsumu stepping outside with a bright grin on his face. “Samu!” He called out, the mentioned twin's eyes widening as he bolted and hugged the blond who made his way to his brother. “Sumu!” Atsumu smiled as he hugged his brother. He smelled rather scrumptious… His favorite, fatty tuna, evident on the man's shirt. Osamu had his eyes closed as he hugged his brother tight. He was so bothered that he didn't have contact with his brother for weeks and it hit him just now. He doesn't think he could survive without his twin at all. The car door slammed shut as Suna stepped towards them, putting a hand on Osamu's head. “Yo." Osamu's eyes widened as he shot his head up, seeing the fox wave his hand at the twin. “What the fuck are ya doin’ here?” “Wow, okay. Rude. But, I'm here to crash.” He held out a peace sign with his hand, earning a glare from Osamu. Foster coughed as he rolled his window down. “I'll leave them in your care, Osamu-kun! Meian and the others are visiting Atsumu tomorrow.” Osamu shook his head as he smiled at Foster. “Thank ya for pickin’ ‘em up, Foster-san! Drive safely!” The blond turned around as well, waving his hand. “Thank you!” The fox also nodded as a gesture of thanks. “Thank you, Foster-san.” Foster drove away with the three of them waving him goodbye. Not even a few seconds later, a punch landed on Suna's cheek. “Samu what the fuck?!” Atsumu exclaimed. Osamu was always, will always, would always… throw the first punch. If Atsumu was the talk, Osamu was the walk. By walk, he means walking over your dead body after he guts you. “Did ya fuckin’ relapse on us after three months of goin’ AWOL?! Are ya fuckin’ serious, Rin?!” Osamu spat as he looked at the taller fox who had his eyes on the ground. Suna slowly turned his head to look at Osamu, spitting as he sighed. “Look, I know I have explainin’ to do, but can we please not do it in front of yer shop and in the literal streets?” Osamu crossed his arms above his chest as he growled at the fox. “Well, tough shit. I want one now.” The fox sighed as he rubbed his cheek, Atsumu hiding behind his brother. “Look, after losin’ in the quarter-finals, I kind of– well, relapsed, ‘cause I played on one of probably the worst days I had. Of course, I felt like absolute shit and y’know what I'd do if I'm absolutely losin’ my shit like that.” Osamu's gaze faltered as he let out a dramatic exhale. “And ya got yer ass into pound town ‘cause what? Ya got caught smokin’ the whole damn weed farm?” Suna rolled his eyes, hands in his pocket. “Shut up, it was one blunt.” Osamu raised one eyebrow momentarily before looking confused. “Wait– One blunt ain't even that bad!” “That's what I was sayin’! But, that butt weasel of a fuckin’ cousin ratted me out like I was snortin’ cocaine and shit.” Suna scoffed. “Komori outed ya? No shit!” The twin laughed along as he wrapped a hand around Atsumu's shoulder. Well, Osamu was taller than Atsumu by an inch. “Let's go in then. I bet y'all haven't eaten yet.” Osamu pulled his brother along with Suna following them behind, entering through the main door of the restaurant. After eating and a few stories later, the night went on until it was time Atsumu brought up the thing about his roots. They were now in the living room, preparing Atsumu's hair dye. Osamu was always the one who dyed Atsumu's hair, the blond doing the favor back, but he stopped dying his hair when he went to university since it was a hassle to keep retouching it. He also couldn't do it alone since he'd be too tempted to eat the dye. Atsumu looked up at Suna who was putting gloves on his hand. “Are ya sure ya got the right dye? I don't want it to look like piss, ugh. I don't even want it to look like a different color too ‘cause the press would be dickin’ my ass with assumptions if they found out.” Suna chuckled. “I did, don't worry.” With this, the two of them started to dye Atsumu's hair. There was so much leftover dye that Osamu just made a decision to dump it all on Atsumu's head, massaging it to re-dye the blond's whole hair. “I don't think ya should do that, Samu.” Suna worriedly looked at the twin, who looked back at him. “It'd be a waste of dye. Sumu’s blond anyways, nothin' bad here.” Atsumu yawned as the two finished. “Wait 30 minutes.” Osamu advised as the two friends headed to the kitchen, washing their hands and the dyeing equipment. Suna was silent, stealing glances from the blond who was watching TV in the living room. Osamu's eyes narrowed as he looked at Suna with a look of suspicion. “Don't go on gawkin’ at my brother again, Rin.” Osamu warned, earning the fox's attention. “I thought ya stopped havin’ feelings for him back when ya were in uni.” The fox shrugged. “Don't bark all over me now. I don't even know why, but when I saw him back in rehab I just… I dunno, like, started likin’ him again?” “Dude, we specifically set a boundary about siblings!” “Well, it wasn't my fault ya like my sister now, ain't it?” Suna raised a brow at Osamu, the twin flushing in a red tone. “Yer sister doesn't look like ya at all! I thought she was yer friend or sumn, geez.” Osamu placed the equipment away in a kitchen cabinet with other miscellaneous items. Suna sighed as he dried his hands. “I won't make a move on Sumu… I'm not even gay… I'm just hella curious or somethin’.” Osamu sighed as he punched the fox's shoulder lightly. “Let him move on from that jackass first before ya do stupid shit I'd probably hate.” “Sure.” He replied, following the twin back into the living room. Atsumu was now munching on chips as the foil on his head slightly ruffled against each other. The TV was displaying an episode of the K-Drama “Goblin”. Atsumu hummed along to the theme song as the pair sat on the couch behind him. He had to sit on a stool so the dye wouldn't stain Osamu's cherished black couch. Osamu sunk into the couch, head up to face the ceiling. “Sumu, how many people are comin’ tomorrow exactly?” Atsumu hummed as he swallowed, looking back to face his twin. “Let's see… Meian-san and Bok-kun for sure… I don't know ‘bout Shoyo-kun, but let's count him in along with Inunaki-san and Adriah-san. Oriver-san is visitin’ his family this off-season. I'm pretty sure Motoya will be there too, heh.” The twin's eyes narrowed into a glare as he looked at Atsumu. “I'm not lettin’ him in.” The blond sighed as he waved his hand, giggling softly. “Now, now. No need to show hostility to Motoya. Be glad it ain't Omi-Omi makin’ a bold appearance in front of us.” Osamu scowled as he recalled his encounter with the mentioned ravenette yesterday. He swears to God that he'd be the taxidermied deer Atsumu wants as a wall decoration for the interior of Onigiri Miya. “Aren't ya uncomfortable with Komori bein’ there? Like– He was always quick to jump ya when ya argue with burnt noodle hair like that.” Osamu argued. Atsumu frowned, the twin flinching. “Samu…” Osamu's brows knit together as he looked down. “I'm sorry… I just, personally, I don't feel comfortable with ya still treatin’ ‘em nice after the shit yer ex pulled!” “It's fine with me, Samu. It's best to show ‘em niceness than return their hostility, right? Motoya just jumps me like that ‘cause he's Omi-Omi's cousin… Ya do the same for me.” Atsumu smiled at him, sending a wave of guilt running down Osamu's throat. “Sumu…” “Would ya look at that! It's been thirty minutes. Time to take a bath.” Atsumu stood up as he walked into his bedroom. “Be right back ya two! Tell me what happens to them!” Suna yelled back. “Hope yer dye comes out well!” The fox slowly turned around to Osamu looking at him with a disapproving look. A few moments later, the two of them heard a shriek coming from the bathroom. This was enough to alert the brother instincts in Osamu as he flipped from the couch, stumbling towards the bathroom with panic on his face. “Sumu! Sumu! What's wrong?!” He called out, pulling on the locked bathroom door that burst open with force. Another expense down the drain, but Osamu couldn't care less. When Osamu opened the door, Suna and him were faced with a totally… totally different Atsumu. As if in sync, they both let out an— “Oh my God.” Atsumu's hair was no longer that platinum blonde he worked hard to maintain. Instead, it was ash blonde, close to white but almost silver like. His roots were slightly darker in color which looked like an ombré effect. And, he was crying, eyes swelling with tears. “Rin! Ya grabbed the wrong box!” Atsumu cried out, gripping at his hair as he looked at it in the mirror. He looked so much like highschool Osamu now. (Not really. His hair was close to Gojo Satoru white but, more on the silver side) Osamu clasped a hand over his mouth as he attempted to stifle a laugh. “Pfft— Ya– Ya look good, Sumu.” “No, I don't! I look like ya!!!” “Motherfucker, we're twins.” “No, but like— AHHHHH!!!” Atsumu hid behind his palms, overwhelmed with the sudden change. “They'll get the wrong idea! Fuck, the fuck do I say to them now?!” Suna chuckled as he snapped a picture of Atsumu's dilemma. “Well, it suited Samu, it definitely suits ya, Sumu.” Atsumu fell to his knees as he started mumbling to himself. “Why was I even born…?” The pair laughed as they stepped in, carrying Atsumu as they pulled him to the couch. “Calm yer dick, Sumu. Just roll with it for three months ‘cause ya ain't allowed to fuckin’ dye yer hair again or y'all get a bald spot.” Osamu warned. Atsumu groaned as he rested his head on Osamu's shoulder. “Rin, yer washin’ the dishes tomorrow.” The fox snickered as he leaned on Atsumu, earning another look of disapproval from Osamu, but he couldn't care less to be honest. “Touche.” “God this is such a…” ☏ Bokuto and the rest were getting ready to meet for the welcome back party at Onigiri Miya. They decided to meet at the MSBY building so they could travel using Meian's van. (They enjoy abusing Meian's van to the point that Inunaki partially lives there) The owl decided to invite his boyfriend, now fiance, Akaashi to join them. Akaashi also struggled with an addiction, but tamer than Atsumu. That being vaping. He owns basically a cabinet’s worth of disposable vapes since he thought buying a refillable one would be too time consuming. Akaashi could remember the day Bokuto found his tape-recorder style strawberry flavored vape and sucked on it, only to have a coughing fit that lasted an hour max. He was a manga editor, a job he didn't really like at first. He works 7 days a week with only 4 day offs every month. This time, Akaashi didn't regret applying for his day off perks. “Akaashi, do you think Tsum-Tsum’s doing good? I'm really worried that Omi-kun broke his poor heart! You saw how cute they were, right? Right?” Bokuto jumped in front of his boyfriend, waving his hand as his face displayed worry. Akaashi sighed as he smiled at his fiance, placing a hand on his shoulder to calm the owl down. “It was unexpected, even for me, Kou-san. But, we don't really know the full story. And, maybe, Atsumu-san isn't ready to talk about it yet, hm? Let's not question him about how he's feeling about the break up, and let's just ask him about his well-being regarding the whole relapse situation.” The owl hummed as he went behind his fiance, hugging him by the waist as he rested his chin on the manga editor’s head. “Alright! I really miss him training with me. I feel like my spikes falter without him! Seishin-san is a great setter too, but Tsum-Tsum just hits differently, y'know?” Akaashi chuckled as he leaned into the hug, feeling Bokuto's warmth. “Yes, indeed. Atsumu-san is a very capable setter and he's definitely gotten better over the years. I mean, he's got you fired up more than you were back then in highschool.” Bokuto frowned. “But I'm as happy as I was with you. You'll always be a great setter in my heart, Keiji, but I love you more as my partner more than anything! I love you, Akaashi!~” The manga editor grinned before letting out a soft laugh, leaning to the side as he planted a soft kiss on Bokuto's cheek. “I love you too, Bokuto-san.” “Akaashi-san! Bokuto-san!” Hinata ran over to them, waving his hand in the air as the two welcomed him with a hug. “Hinata! Hey!” Bokuto bear hugged the ginger, the smaller man reciprocating the hug. Akaashi was, well, squished between them as he laughed awkwardly. “Are you alone? Where's Kourai-kun?” Bokuto pulled away as he raised an eyebrow, scanning the area if anyone was following Hinata. Hinata chuckled at the mention of his boyfriend. “The Adlers have training today so neither Kou-san or Kageyama will be able to come.” “I see. How is Kourai-kun by the way? I'm pretty sure I saw his Instagram post about your 2nd anniversary a week ago.” Bokuto teased Hinata with Akaashi laughing along with him. Hinata blushed as he scratched the back of his head. “I was so embarrassed when we reached the venue! Kou-san is one with surprises, but I was so underdressed for it! I thought we were only going for a drive and I prepared my gift at home but he ended up giving me one of the best experiences in my life. And! He played beach volleyball with me like— That's my man!” Akaashi smiled as he ruffled Hinata's hair. “Hoshiumi-san is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I'm happy for you, Hinata. What did you get him anyway?” “A new… A new car…” The ginger looked away, both owls looking at him in shock. Akaashi stuttered as he pointed at Hinata. “W-What car, exactly?” “A… A Bentley.” Hinata muttered. “Specifically, what version?” Akaashi continued to pester, both of the owl's jaws dropping further. “The Bentley Mulliner Bacalar… In white…” Akaashi and Bokuto could just imagine how many kidneys that car is worth because it looked like it cost Hinata absolutely NOTHING. They were aware Hinata was, well, well-liked and he had many sponsors. But, A BENTLEY, nonetheless. And, it was for his 2 year boyfriend, who's as sought for the same way. “Kou-san really wanted it so I took matters into my own hands and used at least… most of my savings on it. At least he's happy! I'm happy if my boyfriend is happy.” Hinata defended his purchase. Bokuto had his jaw on the floor whilst Akaashi clutched his pocket. The manga editor reached out, placing a hand on Hinata's shoulder. “You could have been oiled up on his bed, and he'd still be the happiest man in the world.” “When did you have the money to buy your little seagull a Bentley, Sho-kun?” Inunaki questioned as he walked over with an iced coffee in his hand. Adriah walked behind him, carrying the libero's bags. Hinata pointed at them as he laughed. “Inunaki-san! You're making Adriah-san carry your things again.” Adriah groaned as he repositioned Inunaki’s things on his body. “Sometimes, I ask myself why I let this gremlin treat me like a coat hanger, but then again, he is the love of my life and I can't deny his requests.” “I just like teasing you babe, give me my bags.” Inunaki reached out, only to have Adriah attempt to bite his fingers. “No! I'll carry them for you, you'll stress the baby.” Inunaki knit his brows in confusion as he grimaced at Adriah. “Baby? What baby?” “You. You're an absolute brat, and a baby. No! You're a toddler. You're one of those ipad kids who can't eat fruit, and you can't even carry your things properly. Go finish your coffee– which is basically milk with chocolate– in a corner or something.” The other three burst out into laughter as Inunaki kicked Adriah on the knee, the taller one letting out a cartoonish yelp. “Shion! You know I freaking hit my knee on the car door earlier!” Adriah held his knee, bags dangling on his hand as he sniffled. “Oh! Oh, shit! I'm sorry baby.” Inunaki quickly pulled Adriah to him, kissing his cheek. “I'm sorry Adri, I didn't mean to. Oh, shit.” Hinata let out a mocking laugh. “Old married couple type shit.” Inunaki rolled his eyes as he ruffled Adriah’s hair. “Shut up, Sho-kun. You're just bitter that Hoshiumi-kun can't be with you right now.” “Stop using my boyfriend as a weapon!” Hinata argued. A loud beep of a car came from behind the cookies and cream couple as they turned around to see Meian's van pulling up. The captain had his window down as he waved to them. “Get in losers, we're going to party.” Inunaki was the first one to raise his hands as he let out a loud— “Whoo!” before opening the van's sliding door. In the back, some of the chairs were taken off and replaced with a foldable bed and a wall mounted TV. The libero quickly flopped down, Adriah following suit. They lied down on the bed as they cuddled in the back. Hinata sat on the passenger's seat while the other couple sat on the vacant chairs. “Quoting Mean Girls is so much like you, Meian-san.” Hinata laughed as he buckled his seatbelt. Meian chuckled as he started driving, the TV now loud as Inunaki and Adriah continued the cartoon they were watching together. “Atsu is enough of an influence for us to not quote Mean Girls.” Hinata laughed as he fiddled with Meian's speakers, blasting Zipang Opera songs on it as he vibed to it alone. The other four were too busy watching on the TV for them to even hear the music. Meian popped a lollipop in his mouth, turning right. “How is Hoshiumi-kun, Shoyo? Happy anniversary to you two by the way. I really thought Kageyama was your boyfriend when you first joined the team.” The clementine chuckled as he took his phone out. “Kageyama is more like a cousin or a brother to me. And, Kou-san is doing great! He sent me a picture just earlier.” He went to his messages to view the photo of Hoshiumi posing with a peace sign along with Hirugami. “The picture would've been fine without that annoying bastard behind him.” The captain shook his head as he laughed. “Kou-san did also say he'd be catching us later after practice with the car I bought for him, so I'll be going home with him after the party, Meian-san.” Hinata informed. Meian nodded. “Alright, then. Lesser the trouble of dropping kids off. Just look at them, they're watching Peppa Pig in this day and age.” Hinata laughed as he looked back at them. “If Atsumu-san was here, he'd probably be watching along with them too. It's a shame they broke up… I never expected that from them since Atsumu-san never stopped talking about Omi-san.” “Me too. I thought they'd last a lifetime, but looky here… I didn't take Sakusa-kun for an asshole, but by God did he mess up big time.” Meian sighed. Hinata shrugged as he got comfortable. “It's their problem as a couple, so we really don't have anything to say… I just hope nothing gets too out of hand when Atsumu-san does release a statement about it.” The captain chuckled as he turned left. “I just hope when the next season begins, nothing bad will happen to our balance. Can't have them toppling our team down now.” ☏ Atsumu was in his bedroom, panicking as he looked at his hair repeatedly in the mirror. His hair was already the perfect platinum blond shade before, but this hair fully developed into Gojo Satoru’s wig. Suna walked in, spotting the now dove Atsumu picking at his scalp. “Sumu? Ya good?” Atsumu flinched as he turned around, eyes welling up with tears. “I look fuckin’ ugly, Rin! Look at my fuckin’ hair! I look like a grandpa! It's not even blond! It's full on white! White!” The fox chuckled as he walked over, running his fingers through the smooth wavy locks of the dove. “But it looks fine to me. Samu said so too, so what are ya worried ‘bout?” “What if the team gets the wrong idea? What if the people who see me like this assume I'm gettin’ the short end of the stick? I don't want to look that driven over! Dyein’ my hair ain't my copin’ mechanism either!” Atsumu complained. Suna sighed as he pulled Atsumu closer. “You look fine, Sumu. Trust me. If they assume, correct them. But, if they start to bitch about it, then prove ‘em wrong. The part about others, well, ya can't change their mind if they refuse to believe. So, let ‘em be stupid fucks. To me, ya look like yer in yer best right now.” Atsumu's eyes glistened as he called out to the fox in a soft voice. “Rin~ Ya really think I look good? I don't look like a grandpa now, do I?” The fox let out a— “Pfft!” before laughing out loud. “Old people have gray hair, Sumu. Yers is white, so chill out. Either way, with that pretty face, it goes well with ya.” “Ya think I'm pretty?” Atsumu asked. Suna stayed silent for a while, his heart beating loudly in his chest as his face flushed a little. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he grinned. “The prettiest, probably.” Nothing's fun when it's real. “That's so gay of you.” Atsumu pointed at him. “No homo, bro.” Suna took his hand back, raising them to admit defeat. The dove laughed as he looked at the fox. “What time is it? Probably not past 7 now, is it?” “It's 7:30. P.M at that. That's why Samu asked me to come fetch ya since they'd be here any second now.” Suna informed, showing Atsumu his phone screen. Atsumu's eyes widen in a panic as he goes back to looking at his hair in the mirror. “Ahh! What do I do? Should I wear a cap? A beanie? Should I even show myself to them?!” Suna sighed as he walked towards Atsumu, looking at the dove in the mirror. “Ya look just fine, Sumu. If they ask ya… Fuck it, I'll be there. Let me do all the talk for ya.” “But what about the scandal? We can't have ‘em gettin’ the wrong idea!” Atsumu further panicked. The fox looked at him deadpanned, squishing the dove's cheeks with his palms. “Calm yer ass down, Sumu! Ya keep yappin’ about shit that's easy to solve. Ya ain't alone in it, so let me help yer ass! I'm here for a reason, ya fuckin' dumbass.” Atsumu groaned as he looked up at Suna. “But I just don't want ‘em to get the wrong idea, okay? They're quick to show hostility since, well, they are friends.” Suna smiled as he made Atsumu look at him by lifting his chin up. “I can take ‘em, Sumu. That's why yer there. I'll be there to help ya explain, you'll be there to protect me from ‘em.” The dove groaned as he pulled himself away from the fox. “Ugh, fine. Whoo. I'm just worried that shit would get worse with this… I don't want to drag ya in any further to this problem Omi and I have.” “I'm fine, so don't worry about me, Sumu. What can I do to make ya feel that there ain't nothin’ wrong at all?” Suna asked as he turned Atsumu to look at him. Atsumu was silent for a while, eyes scanning the room. Slowly, he calmed down under the gaze of the fox that eyed him. “I'm sorry. I'm just— Fuck. I'm sorry, Rin. Thanks for groundin’ me. I'm fine now. Sorry.” Suna smiled as he ruffled Atsumu's hair. “It’s all good. Just calm down, hm?” Osamu walked up to them, knocking on the door even if it was open. “They're here! What are ya two doin’?! Help me set up.” Atsumu grinned as he took Suna's hand, dragging him along. “Comin’!” The dove turned to look at the fox, squeezing his hand for a moment. “Don't let me be, okay?” “I'll be there. I promise.” Suna smiled, walking a bit faster to match Atsumu's pace. Meian and the rest were carrying tables and chairs to arrange a big table in the middle of the restaurant. Osamu was busy in the kitchen pulling out beer mugs and the actual drinks. The place was already booming with loud voices when Atsumu walked out of the door that connects that restaurant to Osamu's house. Bokuto, who was holding a chair up his head, suddenly felt his arms go weak as the chair fell to the floor with a loud bang. Collective eyes turned to look at Atsumu, the dove smiling nervously as he waved them a hi. “Hey… How y'all doin’?” Atsumu greeted. Inunaki raised his hand as he pointed at Atsumu with shaky fingers. “Y-Your… Your hair!” The dove chuckled nervously as the MSBY players ran and started picking at Atsumu's hair. “You dyed it!” “What— This color oddly suits you, Atsu!” “Wah! You look like Osamu-san back in highschool.” “The Miyans! It's the Miyans in one body, Akaashi!” “Everyone, please give Atsumu-san room to breathe.” “Guys— Guys! Wait! Let me explain!” Atsumu yelled out, the fiddling coming to an end as they all took a step back. “Before you say anything, let my good friend Rin explain why my hair is like this.” Meian cocked his brow. “Rin? Who?” From behind Atsumu, a taller figure appeared as he waved his hand. “Hi.” “Suna-san!” Hinata pointed, Suna laughing softly. “I bought Atsumu the wrong hair dye and it colored his hair this silver-whiteish type. It was purely my mistake. No, it isn't because he's heart broken, I just grabbed the wrong box.” Adriah cleared his throat before raising his hand up. “But, Atsu, why is EJP Raijin's middle blocker here with YOU at this time?” “We should all probably sit down and y’know… Let me tell you the whole story.” Atsumu waved his hand. Meian pulled a seat as he pushed it towards Atsumu with an intimidating look in his eyes.. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Atsu.” He crossed his arms above his chest as he stared at the dove. “Well? Open that mouth now before we pry it open for you, Atsu.” The dove sat down as the rest of MSBY surrounded him. For about 30 minutes and so, Atsumu explained the situation on how Suna ended up coming home with him. It didn't end there since Atsumu also told them about his experience in rehab and how odd it was inside of the facility. They all listened to Atsumu and took note of his expressions all throughout the story telling. By the end of it, Meian got onto his knees as he held Atsumu's hand, taking them as he looked at the dove softly. “As long as you feel better about yourself. I'm proud of you, Atsumu. We all are. Welcome back, our shining setter.” Inunaki grabbed one of the pints Osamu was preparing as he raised it in the air, hand on Adriah's waist as the taller male supported him. “Even if you just got out of rehab, let's drink up! Party up people!” Everyone let out howls and cheers as the night progressed to its festive approach. Atsumu and Suna went behind the counter as they helped Osamu prepare the food and drinks. The others finished setting up as they took their seats and waited. Atsumu bumped into Suna's shoulder intentionally, earning the fox's attention. He grinned, whispering— “Thank you” before carrying a platter of food to the table. Suna watched as Atsumu interacted with them. His heart deafened the sounds that surrounded him, eyes burning a hole through Atsumu as he stood there, frozen. He could feel his cheeks heat up as he hid behind his arm, wiping at his nose. “Fuck.” He muttered, feelings painting him obvious. Eventually, they all sat down and started the talks and teasing. Hinata was the main victim of the nights since he was being criticized for buying Hoshiumi a Bentley on their 2nd anniversary. “But, Shoyo-kun, don't ya think it's too soon for ya to be buyin’ him that stuff?” Atsumu asked as he drank from his pint. Hinata blushed as he hit his beer mug against the table, wiping his mouth. “I've been pining over the man for 5 years now! Let me be when I want to spoil him!!!” Inunaki whined as he hit his boyfriend on the chest. “Adri! Buy us a car too, baby! We've gotta travel all around Japan!” The mentioned cookie laughed as he kissed Inunaki on the forehead. “Soon, baby. Let's save up for that house you want first, hm?” Meian sighed as he chuckled softly. “These lovebirds, I swear to God.” “Oh yeah, by the way, Hinata, didn't Kageyama win another award or something?” Osamu asked as he pulled out his phone to look at the article. Atsumu's brows perked up in curiosity as he leaned onto his brother's shoulder to look at the article too. Hinata nodded, grinning. “Yeah! He was awarded best male setter in Japan just a few days ago. He kept messaging me that he's winning against me again, Kou-san was quick to scold him for me though.” The conversation took a turn from storytelling to praising the setter of Schweiden Adlers. Atsumu silently sunk into his seat as he took a sip from his beer. Of course, the fact that Kageyama was being praised for his ability as a setter hurt his ego. He was a hardworking setter too, but it seems like he wasn't enough to satisfy the country and its people. Bokuto, who was sitting on his left, looked at him with his brows furrowed. His lips formed a soft smile as he chuckled, wrapping his arm around the dove. “The nation may see Kageyama-kun as their best setter, but you, Tsumu-Tsumu, you're mine.” He whispered, grinning at Atsumu. Atsumu’s eyes widened for a moment before his drunk-dazed situation cleared due to the sudden confession. The dove smiled back as he chuckled. “Isn't it supposed to be Keiji who's yer favorite, Bok-kun?” Bokuto hummed as he looked at his fiance who was stuffing his mouth with Osamu's mouth watering onigiri. “Keiji's my favorite person. He was my favorite setter, but now, it's you! You give me the best sets, and you give me your trust to hit them. So, you're my favorite setter, Atsumu.” Atsumu could feel tears well up in his eyes as he grinned at Bokuto, leaning into his hold as he laughed. “Yer such a good person, Bok-kun. Thank you.” The night went on and the conversation eventually took a turn. Surprisingly, Motoya didn't come to the party. Meian informed Atsumu that Kiyoomi didn't know where Atsumu was and was oblivious to the fact that he was in rehab. An hour later, Hoshiumi came with his new car. Hinata went running out of the restaurant to tackle his boyfriend in the streets. They all laughed it off as Hoshiumi joined the party. As the night went on, they put Inunaki, Hoshiumi, and Atsumu side by side as they compared their hair color. Inunaki had more of that vanilla color whilst Hoshiumi had that full pristine white, and Atsumu had that silver white tone. They all took pictures of it and even made fun of their heights a bit. Suna, who was silently resigned to his corner by the counter, watched as he took slow sips from his bottled beer. He didn't really meddle much since it was a gathering for the MSBY team. He was invited over by Meian earlier, but the man was so intimidating that he had to decline. He sat there, eyeing Atsumu who was drinking and partying with his team. He found himself turning red, hot and bothered with how the dove looked at this moment. Suna already found it hard to resist Atsumu back in rehab, but seeing him happy like this with people just… makes him jealous. He gripped the bottle, knuckles turning white as his eyes narrowed into an annoyed glare. Was it the alcohol? Or was it his unconfirmed feelings about the dove? No. He wasn't gay. He isn't gay. God, he wished Atsumu was a girl… Maybe if Atsumu was a girl, liking him wouldn't be an issue. Nothing's fun when it's real anyway. It isn't fun that Atsumu was a boy. A girl with a personality like his would've been his idle woman. But, no. Sadly, for him, Atsumu was a boy. But, Atsumu was gay, right? The alcohol was getting the best of him. It was messing with his mind. He knows it does, but they were his honest thoughts. Atsumu was gay… So… So if Suna could just project even the smallest bits of his fantasy onto the male. It wouldn't be so wrong, right? He smirked, drinking the last sips of his beer as he sat there, looking at Atsumu who enjoyed himself. He wanted Atsumu to look at him that way too… He'd just have to get used to the fact Atsumu wasn't a girl. Either way, it's his personality that attracts him to the dove. ☏ Atsumu was already drunk out of his mind. His teammates left one by one, leaving him in the mess of the plates and cups they used for the party. Osamu, having a ritual, went to bed earlier on, leaving the clean up to Suna who was tasked to do so by Atsumu yesterday. Suna walked over to Atsumu. The dove was half asleep on the table, body uncomfortable since he's been sitting for a while now. “Sumu… Sumu…” Atsumu could barely make out the voice that was calling out to him. His head was spinning and it felt like it would break open any moment now. Suna frowned at the sight. He sighed, placing a hand on Atsumu's hair as he ruffled the dove's feathers.. “Sumu, get up from there.” He coaxed, scooping the dove into his arms as the latter did throw himself to the fox. Atsumu blinked a few times, one eye at a time. He gazed at Suna with wasted eyes. “SunaRin… Rin, is that ya…?” The fox blinked a few times, as drunk as Atsumu. His cheeks heated up as he looked down. “Yeah… It's me, Sumu.” The dove sniffled as he wrapped his arms around Suna's neck. Atsumu was so wasted, he looked so tired right now. “SunaRin! Hehe… My buttercup blocker~” Suna wanted to burst out laughing as he stared at the smiling Atsumu. His vision was blurry and his thoughts were ransacked with Atsumu. “What’d ‘cha just call me?” Atsumu was gay… He wouldn't mind if Suna, just for a bit, projected on him, right? He was gay, anyway. Suna bit his lip before speaking. “Hey, Sumu… Can I… Can I kiss ya?” He asked, his drunken yet real thoughts slipping out. Atsumu leaned in, kissing the fox passionately. Suna wanted to gag at the taste of the fatty tuna on Atsumu's tongue. But, he was quick to reciprocate his kiss as he pushed the dove onto the table. Suna's hands traveled down to Atsumu's waist, holding him in place as they kissed over the empty pints of beer and plates. There was clattering and occasional creaks of wood as the fox's hand traveled under the clothes that covered Atsumu's dignity. Atsumu was gay. He wouldn't mind, right? The dove's kiss was passionate with moments where he'd moan out Suna's name. Suna was too preoccupied listening to the dove whimpering. He kept muttering incoherent words, but he mostly pleaded to not be left alone. Atsumu was gay. Suna was a guy. He wouldn't mind this, right? Suna's hands traveled to Atsumu's chest as he fondled them. Atsumu was quick to whimper into the kiss, saliva dripping down his chin as he threw his head back. The fox clicked his tongue, angry that he couldn't find soft breasts on the dove's body. In anger, he squeezed them, his nails scratching the sides of Atsumu's chest as the dove gently gasped. “Why aren't you a girl…?” Suna asked, frustrated as he continued to claw at Atsumu's skin. “Why can't you be a girl…?!” Atsumu was gay. Suna was a guy. He wouldn't mind hearing these words from someone that likes him, right? “Wha– Rin… What?” Atsumu slurred out, hands too weak to push Suna away as he gripped onto the dove's waist too tightly. “It hurts, Rin— Rin it hurts!” A loud bang shook Suna sober as Atsumu hit his head on the table. The fox's eyes were wide in shock as his hands trembled, pulling away from the dove who was unconscious on the table. He could feel his world going silent as his breathing and heartbeat went muffled in his ears. He gagged, feeling something claw at his stomach as he doubled over on top of Atsumu. He wanted to puke at Atsumu's face. “What… What the fuck?!” He held his cheeks, tasting Atsumu on his tongue, so bitter, so sour… “Ahhh… Ahhh!!!” He yelled, falling on his back as he crawled backwards, hitting his back on a pillar as tears left his eyes. He wanted to puke. He could smell it, God. He wanted to throw up so bad. Suna placed both hands on his mouth as he stopped himself from retching. Snot clogged his nose as he got onto his knees, letting out gasps and a few sobs. “Ahh… Ah… Wahh… Eugh… Ahh!!” He gagged, eyes darting back on Atsumu who had his shirt lifted on the table. “Fuck… Fuck— Fuck!” He got up, pulling Atsumu's shirt down as he ran his fingers through his hair in a panic. He paced around, sobriety hitting him in the fucking face. Nothing's fun when it's real. He tripped on the way to the counter as he grabbed a pitcher of water and a few paper towels as he poured some on Atsumu's mouth, wiping his lips and face clean from his saliva. Tears continued to leave his eyes as he looked at Atsumu. He was so… Disgusted. Kissing Atsumu, taking advantage of him, fantasizing about him… Fuck, Atsumu was so disgusting. He paced around, his head in his hands as he trembled. He wanted to curl into himself. He wanted to wash it out. He wanted to get rid of Atsumu's taste on his tongue so bad. It was disgusting. It was revolting. It was Atsumu's fault, he convinced himself. He was the temptation. He was the gay one. He was the one offering himself for this. He was— Suna inhaled harshly, eyes glaring at the dove who laid passed out on the table. It was because Atsumu was gay. Wasn't it? It was because he was gay, and being gay was wrong, right? It made him feel sick. He bit his lip as he walked over, carrying the dove in his hands as he took him up to Osamu's house, placing him gently on his bed. “It's your fault… It's you… You…” He talked to the unconscious boy, hands reaching out to Atsumu's neck in disdain. He wanted to hold him. Choke him until Atsumu pleads with him again. He wanted Atsumu to cry again. He wanted Atsumu to whimper, he wanted him to be under him. In Suna's hold— Suna scowled, feeling tears slip past his eyes as he gagged. “I'm not gay— I'm… I'm not—” He covered his mouth, looking away from the sleeping dove as he staggered backwards. “I'm not gay!— I'm not gay—” He muttered in low whispers. “I can't like you– I can't. I just can't. Atsumu, I can't like you—” He sobbed, back hitting the wall as he looked up at the ceiling. He slowly fell to the floor, labored breathing echoing into the hallway as he hugged his knees. “I'm not gay…” He convinced himself. Suna's tears burned his eyes as he felt Atsumu's soft skin on his palms. The dove's body was in his hold. Atsumu’s taste on his lips. The dove's voice in his head. The colors expanded rapidly, they were making him go blind. It was nauseating. It was sickening. “I'm not gay—” He sobbed, eyes shut tight as he held both palms over his mouth to muffle his cries. 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 Atsumu was a real boy. He was a real boy. He fantasized over a real boy. He had genuine feelings for a boy but— “I'm not gay!” He argued with himself, tumbling out of the dove's room as he ran to the bathroom. He knelt before the toilet, retching and gagging as he stuck his fingers into his mouth to puke. He sobbed, tears staining his face as substance left his lips. He could feel his stomach turning in on itself. Everything was going silent. He could feel himself blacking out. He could feel himself losing it. He could still feel Atsumu's skin on his. He could taste Atsumu. 
So bitter, so sour, so real…
 
Nothing's fun when it's real.
 ☏ 
Suna was young, but he wasn't dumb. He was the oldest child, having to take care of a sister who was a year younger than he was. She was a quiet, yet sickly child. She needed Suna to be there for her.
 
His parents worked almost every day of the week. They did everything to provide for their family since their marriage didn't get the blessings from both sides. Suna was the unplanned birth. He was the accident that led to this chaos.
 
He was the misery child.
 
His mom loved him, really, she did. She loved Suna so much. He was spoiled. She spoiled both him and his sister rotten, almost blowing all of her savings on whatever the two wanted.
 
At the ripe age of six, Suna was already aware of what his mom was doing. It made him feel guilty. He didn't want his mom to do that. When he denied, his mom would get all sad and blame herself for not making her son happy.
 
Suna, for a six year old, of course felt guilty for making his mom sad. So, he had to get used to the life of getting what he wanted.
 
His dad, on the other hand… He was the type of man to work overtime. He was the one to always come home late. He neither ate nor spent time with them in ways a father should. He was… absent. Almost never really there.
 
Suna wondered why. He was nice to them, he was, really. He liked his dad. His dad also gave him what he wanted. He was equally giving as his mom, so why?
 
Why is his dad in love with another dad?
 
At the age of eight, he overheard the two arguing in the kitchen. His mom was on her knees, hands tearing at her hair as she asked his husband why.
 
“Why?! Why, Fushi?! What will the kids think?! What was going on in your mind?! You could've cheated on me with a woman, but it had to be my best friend’s husband! Why did it have to be him?!”
 
Suna's eyes widened, nails digging into his skin as he watched his mom sob into the floor like a bullied child.
 
His father just stood there, looking down at her with a disheveled shirt. His dad was in love with someone else's dad. His dad was in love with his mom's best friend's husband.
 
His dad was gay. He was gay. He was gay, and he ruined his relationship with his mom. He was gay, and he ruined this family.
 
It was implanted into young Suna's mind that being gay was wrong. His dad was wrong. His dad was someone he couldn't love because he was gay.
 
Eventually, his mom divorced his dad and they moved from Aichi to Hyogo.
 
Then came Suna's questioning. He would rant to his sister about his feelings for Atsumu, which was overheard by his mom.
 
This was their big argument. This was the reality that wasn't fun. This was reality.
 
“You can't leave your family like your dad did us, Rin! You can't be like him! I've given you everything! Isn't that enough to make you stay?! Rin?! Is this what you give your Mama back for raising you?! Are you serious?! Rin?!”
 
Suna bit his lip as he watched his mother get on her knees, tugging at her hair as she sobbed. She held onto Suna's pants, pleading with him.
 
“Don't fall in love with someone's son, I beg of you Rin… Rin, I beg of you, please.”
 
Suna felt tears slip past his eyes as he sniffled, tongue too stiff in his mouth to speak. He wanted to get on his knees too, but to hear the sobs of his mother grounded him.
 
“I'm sorry, Ma…”
 
“Don't do this to me Rin… Don't do this to your mother…”
 ☏ Atsumu sat up, head ringing in pain as he looked at the window before him. It was mid day, and tears were already pouring out of his eyes. He felt it. He can still taste it on his tongue. His body ached, his skin was burning in an itching sensation. Worse, he could remember everything. He raised his hand to touch his nearly bleeding lips that Suna scrubbed, chapped and bruised. He ran his thumb on it, feeling it sting. His hand traveled down to touch his stomach, then to his waist. He could feel the opening of scratch marks on his skin. He ran his fingers on them, feeling it bleed. He sobbed silently, face wet in sweat as he gagged, both hands raised to cover his mouth. Osamu opened his door, but his twin's voice was muffled out with how loud his own heart was beating. He couldn't hear his twin over how bad he sobbed, curling into himself as his stomach turned and hurt. His guts were tangled into each other. His eyes stung. He didn't even notice Osamu kneeling before him, his twin cupping his cheek as he shook his own head in denial. “...Sumu… okay… happened… crying… hey..!” Osamu talked to him, but he couldn't fully register what his twin was saying. Atsumu gasped for air as he looked at his brother, eyes full of pain as he sobbed a name out. “Suna… He… Where is he…?” He asked, hands finally falling from his lips as he held onto Osamu's shoulders. Again, Osamu spoke but every other word was being drowned out by his own heartbeat. “Suna… left… he… left… ask… something… last night…?” Atsumu gasped for air, a hiccup escaping his throat as he let out a sound close to a whimper. “Suna he… I… Samu…” He tried to speak, but his tongue felt as if it were swollen in his mouth. He wanted to speak, but it was so hard to even breathe. He wanted to scream. He wanted to claw at his skin. He wanted to die. He wanted to be gone. “Calm… Sumu… everything will be alright…” Osamu's assurance reached him as his twin pulled him in for a hug. Atsumu refused to hold onto Osamu, his own hands hanging loosely on the sides as he sobbed harder. Osamu hushed him as he hummed to calm his brother, pulling the dove into his lap as he comforted him. He ran his fingers through Atsumu's wet hair, hugging him close as the older twin just cried. “I can't… I want to fuckin’ die… Why… Why…?!” Atsumu screamed, burying his face into Osamu's chest. Osamu bit his lip as he felt them quiver, eyes also welling with tears as he pulled his brother close. “Shh… Don't say that, Sumu… Please, Don't ya say that…” “I don't want this anymore, Samu… I don't wanna live anymore… I'm done, I'm tired!” Atsumu raised his hand, fisting his twin's shirt. Osamu sniffled as he hushed Atsumu again, his hand patting the dove's shoulder softly. He looked like an infant in his arms, so small and fragile. “I know it's hard, Sumu… I know, but ya've gotta pull yerself together, hm? It's okay, I'm here… I'm here for ya…” Osamu assured, nestling his nose on the dove's head. “I don't want this anymore… I don't… I can't! I can't anymore. Fuck— Fuck!” His grip tightened as he felt a pang in his head, lights flashing in his eyes as he shut them tight. Osamu shook as he held Atsumu closer, body trembling as his own breathing went labored which led to him hugging Atsumu tighter. “Shh, I'm here… I'm here… I've got ya, Sumu… I'm here now…” Atsumu gasped, a few sobs leaving his lips as he whined into Osamu's chest. “Fuck my life… Fuck— This shit sucks… I don't want it anymore, Samu…” “No, no… Don't say that, Sumu… Tell me, please? Ya can tell me what's wrong. I'm here, Sumu… Shh, I'm here…” Osamu hugged his brother closer, face buried in his hair at this point as he talked to him. The dove struggled to breathe as he gasped for air, chest aching as he let out weeps that were close to yelling. He wanted to scream. His tears kept overflowing, staining Osamu's shirt. His cries were of pure agony, worry flooding Osamu's thoughts as tears also formed in his eyes. Osamu cupped Atsumu's cheeks, looking at his brother as he wiped his cheeks. “Talk to me, Sumu… Please, please talk to me… Shh, it's okay… It's okay, I'm here…” Soon, tears also fell from Osamu's eyes as he sniffled, his thumb still wiping Atsumu's cheek. The dove continued to wail like a baby who's been left alone with no food. He continued to cry like an animal stuck in a trap. Atsumu continued to cry in a way Osamu has never experienced watching before. Atsumu never cried in front of him. Atsumu was always silent, even when he was angry or sad… “Talk to me, Atsumu, please…!” He pleaded, salty tears fogging his eyes as he held his brother close. Atsumu didn't budge. His cries didn't stop. It was that same sad melody that Osamu started to hate. It was agonizing to hear his brother cry out like this. Worse, he couldn't help. Atsumu could feel his body itch in every place imaginable. He could feel his sweat and tears making him sticky and disgusting. He could feel vomit wanting to escape his throat. He could feel his chest caving in, his lungs tightening as he gasped and gasped for air. He longed to breathe, but it was so painful to even ask his body to. It hurt his head. It hurt his stomach. It made his palms feel cold. It made his feet feel numb. He could feel his eyes burning as more tears spilled, feeling as if they were being bitten off with how sore they were. He wanted to stop, but he could still taste it. 
Suna's bitter feelings.
 They were still there. His kiss, his touch, his words… Atsumu let out a scream as he buried his face on Osamu's chest, his voice cracking as he continued to yell in tears. Osamu bit his lip as he hugged his brother, body trembling. “Shh… Shh… Sumu… I'm here… I'm here…” He rubbed the dove's back, hurting his broken wings as Atsumu weeped. “Shh… Shh… I'm here, Sumu… Talk to me… Shh… It's okay now… I'm here, please…” His voice cracked. Fear choked Atsumu tight. Suna was their friend. Suna was close to being family. Suna was Osamu's friend. Suna was his friend. He didn't want to ruin this. He didn't want this to happen. He pushed Suna away for this reason. He kept Suna close because he was a friend. He set a boundary. A boundary the fox blew over. It was the feeling of utter guilt. The pain and the disgusting feeling. What was shared last night between them was comparable to a sweet apple being devoured by the both of them. Shared on one plate, on one table, with no utensils. Atsumu hated everything about it. He hated how it felt. He hates what's happening between him and Suna. He hated the touch. He hated the taste. He hated himself. This stabbed him in the chest. A knife repeatedly struck into the same gaping and bleeding wound. It was painful. So painful, so excruciating. So bitter, so sour… He blamed himself for Suna's actions. He blamed himself for what Suna did. He was the temptation. He was the reason why. He should've said no. He shouldn't have been so drunk. He shouldn't have kissed him. He kissed Suna first. It hurts. The pain was there, and it was great. The misery. The not so fun reality. Nothing's fun when it's real. God, Atsumu could only dream that whatever happened last night wasn't real. He pleaded. He prayed it wasn't real. He begged for it not to be real. Atsumu raised his head, mouth quivering as he let out soft sobs. “Samu… I'm sorry…” He apologized. Osamu shook his head, wiping Atsumu's cheeks once again. “What are you apologizin’ for, Sumu? Talk to me, hm? Let's fix this together…” “I'm sorry…! I'm sorry! Fuck, I'm sorry…” He cried out, eyes shutting tight as he cried. Osamu gasped for air as he buried his nose in the dove's hair. “Shh, stop apologizin’... Shh… I'm here, I'm here Sumu… Stop apologizin' now… Talk to me, hm? What's wrong? Please, tell me what's wrong…” Nothing but sobs and gasps left Atsumu's mouth. Nothing but the agony he was experiencing left his mouth. Nothing but the taste of Suna stained his tongue. Nothing but the touch Suna left was what Atsumu felt on his skin. Nothing but the guilt of sharing an experience like that with Suna ran in his thoughts. 
Nothing is fun when it's real.
 ☏ Osamu placed a cup of hot chocolate before Atsumu. The dove's hair was still damp after he took a shower. Both the twin's eyes were puffy and bloodshot after Atsumu's previous breakdown. Atsumu told Osamu what happened last night, feeling the truth burn his throat in guilt. He could hardly even speak with how painfully chapped his lips were. The young twin sighed as he sat before his brother, hands clasped on his own mug of hot chocolate. “Y'know, Sumu…” He started, eyes on his brother. “What happened last night wasn't yer fault… It wasn't yers, nor was it Rin’s.” Atsumu but his lips, feeling them painfully sting and bleed into his mouth. “But I kissed him… He asked, and I gave it anyway!” Osamu sighed as he reached out to hold his brother's hand. “When a person goes through a breakup, it's natural that they'll need a support system to ground them. Y'know that, yeah? And, the first person to be there for ya was Rin. Ya didn't have a choice, that's why ya held unto him like a fuckin’ lifeline.” “What's the point in ya sayin’ this to me? I just drove a friend away. A mutual friend, possible family, we commonly have.” Atsumu glared at Osamu, eyes threatening to tear up. The younger twin frowned. “Ya didn't know Rin had feelings for ya. This was a clear misunderstandin’ between ya two. Sure, drunken antics are honest and probably the most sober decision a wasted person can make. The point is… I can't even make sense of this shit I'm sayin’ anymore ‘cause either way it sucks that this happened.” Both Osamu and Atsumu looked defeated as the dove took his hand back from his twin. He held his mug, feeling it warm his palms. “Don’t beat yerself up, Sumu.” Osamu looked at Atsumu with soft eyes as he frowned, feeling sad to see his twin sad. Atsumu simply grit his teeth. “I kissed Rin ‘cause… I don't even know why! At that moment, I just wanted to forget feelin’ sad over Omi… Then he offered and I…” His eyes stung as tears fell into his hot chocolate. “I haven't even broken up with Omi yet…” He sobbed. Osamu knit his brows together as he slammed his hand on the desk. “What the fuck are sayin’? Ya two have broken up in almost a month now, are ya still hung over that?!” “I didn't say I agree! I didn't want to break up with Omi! I didn't want to leave him! He pushed me away! I haven't broken up with him yet!” Atsumu argued back. “I'm still his!” “He doesn't want ya anymore, Sumu! He's gone on and on ‘bout that in the media, and yer here still in denial. Was him shamin’ ya not enough for ya to see how shit of a person he is?” Osamu stood up, towering over Atsumu who looked up at him. “But I… I don't want him to leave me… Samu. Just when I finally had someone— They fuckin’ leave! He can't leave me! I can't be alone anymore, I swear to God, I can't!” “Ya can't be together anymore Sumu, because he— He doesn't love ya anymore! Get that in yer head. He Broke Up With You! He left you! He. Left. You.” Osamu pointed at him, making Atsumu sniffle and sob. Atsumu looked down, sobbing as he wiped his tears. “Stop… I can't anymore, stop.” Osamu paused as he took a deep breath in. It was hard to convince Atsumu. The same thing happened when he quit volleyball. He had to yell at Atsumu for him to realize he wasn't leaving him. His denial was something to laugh at, quite literally. But, it was also the saddest thing in him because he'll never believe anything good too. “I'm sorry for yellin’, Sumu… I just– You just had to know that, okay? Sakusa can't love ya anymore. You can't be anythin’ anymore. Yer basically back to bein’ that Miya. Just Miya.” He reached out, placing his hand on Atsumu's shoulder. Atsumu's mouth was in a deep frown as he looked at Osamu in the eyes. “Yer so mean, Samu…” The younger twin couldn't help but stifle a laugh as he looked at Atsumu pouting. “I'll buy ya a tub of ice cream. Want to go get one now?” “Why?” Atsumu grumbled, looking at his hot chocolate that now had a separate layer for his tears. Osamu chuckled as he walked over to the kitchen counter, taking the keys of his motorcycle. “Let's take yer mind off of this. Let's fix things once ya feel a lot better. There's nothin’ good ya can do when yer down and bleedin’ now, right?” Atsumu looked up, the corners of his lips softly tugging up as he wiped his eyes. “Why do ya always have a way with yer words, Samu? Yer makin’ me look crazy smilin’ with tears in my eyes.” The twin laughed as he looked at his phone, ignoring the displayed notification on his screen as he turned it around, leaving it on the counter. Osamu walked over, offering his hand for Atsumu to take. “Ya want ice cream or nah?” “Ya just want ice cream ‘cause yer a fatass.” Taking Osamu's hand as he stood up, stretching. “Are we gonna go out lookin’ like this?” Osamu smirked as he pulled Atsumu with him. “Fuck yes. It's a down run today, we deserve to look ugly outside.” The dove laughed as he followed Osamu outside of the house. They went to the back of the house where the garage was located. There, Atsumu's car stays untouched since the dove has yet to achieve a driver's license. On the side, Osamu had two motorcycles. One was a Harley Davidson CVO Street Glide, and the other was the standard Japanese E-Bike most high schoolers would have upon attaining a student license. Atsumu pulled the gate up to open the garage as Osamu grabbed their helmets. Atsumu grabbed his helmet as he waited outside, Osamu pulling his E-Bike out. The dove soared in the sky. Well, his eyes did. He smiled as Osamu ran on a faster speed than normal. Their favorite ice cream shop was a little further out of the city, just near Suminoe Park. Osamu discovered the hidden gem when he was out looking for a place to build a branch of Onigiri Miya in Osaka. Atsumu enjoyed the times where Osamu took him out to eat food or to simply just have fun. They basically lived off of each other's pocket all their lives, this was just a get back at each other. Their bet was basically useless at this point since they were making each other happy, which means basically they both were at the happiest of their lives at the same time. “Mind if I buy a vape on the way?” Atsumu asked as he leaned on Osamu's shoulder. The twin's eyes momentarily glanced at the dove before nodding. “If you let me hit, Ya can.” “Bro, you won't like the flavor. I remember ya shittin’ on my vape taste.” Atsumu poked his brother. Osamu scoffed. “Who wants Strawberry Pastry as a vape flavor? Straight up tonsillitis.” He stuck his tongue out, making a gagging sound. Atsumu raised his brow as his face painted a look of offense. “Who are ya to judge? I like sweets! Yer just pissed I don't buy shit like those caramel ones anymore.” The twin shrugged. “They tasted better than pastry shit. I'm fine with mixed berries too.” The dove clicked his tongue as he looked back up at the sky. “Man, I hate those… Reminds me of a fuckin' bland breakfast with… With—” “Don't ya dare finish that sentence. Forget about them for a moment, I beg of ya. Focus on yerself. Focus on us for now, yeah? Miya bondin’, c’mon! Look alive.” Osamu scolded, glaring at the road. Atsumu pressed his lips together for a moment before taking a deep breath, a soft smile replacing his uncertainty. “Sorry ‘bout that, Samu.” The twin hummed as he sped up a little, making a turn to leave the highway. “Ya've never treated me recently so… Focus on yer twin first. I was yer assigned best friend at birth! Yer supposed to give me yer undyin’ love unconditionally.” The dove chuckled as he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Osamu's waist as he leaned on his back. “Dumbass. Ya always have it, I just don't want ya to yap ‘bout it when I do shit ya don't like.” Osamu stopped in front of a vape store, the window displaying a variety of disposable vapes that were being clouded in a mist created from the inside. Atsumu stepped down, putting a mask on as he ruffled his hair down to hide his face partially. Osamu stayed on the vehicle, claiming that the smell was too sweet for him to tolerate. The dove went in, leaving Osamu to watch his back disappear into the shop. He watched his brother, eyes on his silhouette inside the shop through the foggy window. His palms were getting sweaty, eyes trembling with the threat of tears falling. Atsumu was his brother. Atsumu was his best friend. Atsumu was his first “love” in the platonic ways, and he knows he'll always be that love. Atsumu was the other side of his coin, his other half. There were nights where they would sleep mad at each other. Deep into the evening, Osamu would hear his brother gasping for air underneath him from the top bunk. Osamu would initially not mind since his pride stood tall against his brother. But, his eyes would then completely betray him as he too began sniffling silently. When just enough time passed by, his pillow wet with tears, he'd sit up and jump down from the top bunk, standing parallel to his sleeping brother. He'd grit his teeth, noticing that Atsumu didn't even bother to wipe his tears. He'd get frustrated that Atsumu would beat himself up so badly just for making Osamu mad. It was just a small fight, and yet Atsumu acts as if he killed his brother. It was always an emotional sight to see his brother getting all tear painted and broken. He looked so miserable, it was almost impossible to look at. He… He doesn't like the way Atsumu looks when he's sad. Then, on nights like these where he can't apologize, he'd slither into Atsumu's bed and lay his head on the older twin's chest, his ear on top of the latter's heart. Atsumu's heartbeat always had a rhythm that would lull Osamu's thoughts. Atsumu's heartbeat was a song that would bring Osamu to tears, or it was a melody that could calm his anxious, shaking, mind. He'd lay there, occasionally taking note of how Atsumu's chest would rise and fall impossibly slow. It was as if he was taking his time trying to not breathe in hopes he'd die in his sleep. This would always worry Osamu. It was so worrying that he'd end up thinking of scenarios where Atsumu's heart would suddenly go silent and he'd no longer wake up to kiss Osamu's forehead in the morning as an apology for the previous fight. Then, Osamu would let his tears soak Atsumu's shirt that night as he hugged his brother impossibly closer. So warm, it was as if they were back in the womb. He'd sniffle occasionally, his hand moving to fist the shirt's collar. Atsumu's heartbeat was oddly offbeat. When hearts normally thump in two loud “bud-thump”’s, Atsumu's heartbeat singing its song was weird. His heart would let out that loud “bud” but then a silent thump. Then, Osamu would close his eyes, silence settling in their bed, other than the low rumbling of shitty air-conditioning in their room. He'd listen to Atsumu's heartbeat until it let out that beautiful “bud-thump” sound. A realization came to his mind. His heart was syncing with his brother's heartbeat. Whenever Atsumu's heart lets out those loud “bud” thumps, his own heart would let out the loud continuing “thump”s. His own heart let out an offbeat beating. His heart would let out that silent “bud”, but then a loud thump. Whenever their hearts beat, they'd finish each other off like a sentence. When Atsumu's heart would beat, so would Osamu's. Their hearts sang their own rhythm as twins. Weird and offbeat on their own, but then perfect and melodious when together. Upon discovering that, Osamu would then make his way to lay on Atsumu's chest every night where the twin would be too dead-tired to notice his surroundings when he's asleep. He'd do this, smiling as he listened to their hearts beat as one. College rolled around and Atsumu had to leave. Osamu could no longer calm himself. His heart was back to being weird and offbeat. His heart was back to beating alone to an imperfect rhythm. Atsumu is his brother. Atsumu is his one and only best friend. Atsumu is his first “love” in the platonic ways, and he knows he'll always be that love. Atsumu is the other side of his coin, his other half. Osamu's greatest blessing in return is his twin brother, his brother Atsumu. Osamu smiles as Atsumu steps out from the store, eyes red rimmed with no tears spilled. Ice cream tasted so nice right now. That's where they are at the moment. Sitting on a bench in the Suminoe Park with separate tubs of their favorite flavors. Atsumu had mint chocolate, while Osamu had cookies and cream. “Ever thought of goin’ back home, Sumu?” Osamu asked as he wiped the side of his mouth. Atsumu, for a moment, hummed as he looked at the ice cold treat he held. He grinned, cheeks feeling sore as he did so. “That'd… That'd sound nice, actually. But, I don't really wanna, for now… I can't look at Ma in the eyes without cryin’.” Osamu frowned as he raised his hand to brush Atsumu's hair away from his face. The twin instinctively pushed Osamu's hand away to hide his face again, feeling insecurities rise up. The twin sighed as he went back to holding his spoon. “Ma ain't mad at ya anymore, Sumu… Y'know that, right?” “I know she isn't. I just– I can't… I can't come back after defendin’ Omi like that to her and it turns out to be like this– God! If only I could kill myself now.” Atsumu chuckled, biting his trembling lip. “Ma would laugh at me that she was right all along.” “Ma isn't like that!” Osamu argued, raising his voice a little. “She just didn't want to datin’ a Tokyo boy ‘s all! She just– She didn't trust him. Okay, y'know Ma! She's all fortune and shit. Our last name? Miya? Ya god damn well know it's related to our tradition.” Atsumu groaned in frustration. “I know that, that's why I don't wanna go back! I feel so dumb not listenin’ to her warnings. She… I feel so bad for arguin’ with her like that… I'm sorry, Samu, but I don't think I can face Ma yet.” Osamu, for a moment, wanted to grind his knuckles on Atsumu's noggin in annoyance, but he chose to empathize with the embarrassment Atsumu was feeling at the moment. He sighed, placing a hand on top of Atsumu's. “It's alright… I just want ya to know that Ma really misses ya… And, if ya want to go home, she'll take ya fishin’ again. Hm?” Atsumu nodded as he looked at his melting ice cream, thinking that Osamu was melting it with how warm his love was. “I know, thanks…” Atsumu's greatest blessing is probably Osamu being his brother. He's happy that he is. ☏ The thoughts he had kept running like the train he sat on. His eyes were welling up with tears as his heart sank deeper than any trench in the ocean. His fists were tightly clasped on his lap as he hiccuped, feeling nails sink into his palm. Suna wanted to gasp for air, but he was worried that it would be too loud for the very few people that were in the cart where he sat. He was taking a train back to Nagano from the station in Tokyo. Just earlier, he was on another train from Osaka that led him to Tokyo. There, on that train, he met with a colleague, Hitoshi Ginjima. Well, it was more like Ginjima found him sitting, looking into space like a person who just murdered someone. “Suna? Is that you? Suna Rintarou?” Hitoshi called out, waving his hand in front of the fox. Suna looked up, eyes as wide as before, but a little more laid back now. “Gin?” Hitoshi grinned as he sat next to Suna. “Can't believe I ran into you here. How've you been, Suna? You look like ya've just killed a man.” The fox was silent for a while before sighing. “I just… Somethin’ just happened. I'm sorry for looking out of it.” The silver one chuckled as he looked at the moving planes. “It’s all good. I hope you're doing fine now, then. Y'know you can talk to me about it. I'm not a complete stranger.” “I really don't think ya'd want this.” Suna scoffed. “It's… It's too weird…” Hitoshi sighed. “Alrighty then. I'll stay by your side until we reach Tokyo. I have to meet with a few people there, how about you?” “Going back to Nagano… The EJP building would be closed for break soon so I had to grab a couple things.” Suna explained. “Seen the twins lately? I dropped by Onigiri Miya a few days ago. Osamu's been weird.” Hitoshi shuddered. “Atsumu's been MIA too after that shit with Sakusa. Have ya watched the news yet? I still can't believe that they've broken up!” Suna nodded, fiddling with his fingers as he tugged on the loose skin around his nails. “Yeah… Sakusa's always been a dick to him since they've been together, I'm shocked that you're even surprised by it.” Hitoshi shrugged. “I never took Atsumu as someone who'll accept a break up that easily. I mean, it took him a whole year to get over being rejected by Kita-san.” The fox's eyes widened as he looked at the silver one, brow raised in confusion. “What?” Hitoshi raised his brow back at the fox. “You didn't know? Atsumu was courtin’ Kita back in 2nd year until the end of our 2nd semester in 3rd year.” “I… I didn't know that.” Suna was genuinely shocked that he just learned of this now. Hitoshi shrugged. “I didn't know either. But, back when I met Kita-san, he told me about that story. Apparently, Atsumu was too scared for everyone to know he was gay and for Kita-san, the perfect husband material, at that. Kita-san gushed at how considerate Atsumu was to keep their sexualities under wraps to avoid persecution.” “Kita-san’s gay too?” Suna knit his brows in slight disgust. Hitoshi didn't notice this since he thought Suna was just confused. The silver one nodded as he placed a hand on his chin. “Yeah! He was pansexual or something, I forgot. But, he liked Atsumu back. He just didn't go through with it since Atsumu was destined for more, he said. He didn't want “gay” love to be pulling Atsumu's career down with controversies.” Suna looked at his palm. How could Kita casually like Atsumu back like that without feeling disgust? Atsumu was a boy, could he not see what was wrong with that? With that, here he is, on a train back to Nagano, feeling needles and nails in his throat. Someone like Kita liked Atsumu. A guy… A guy Suna definitely thought was straight, liked Atsumu. How could people casually like people of the same gender? How could they? Do they not find it weird to be attracted to people that basically look the same body wise? Being gay was just nailing yourself to a cross for people to see and shame you. Being gay was suicide. Being gay was just giving up on life. It's like mary… Suna found himself craving for mary. He wanted that forbidden taste of a high. He wanted that feeling of not being human at all. Being gay was being addicted to not feeling human… Being gay was the least humane anyone could feel. Suna was addicted to the smoke that gave him the sweetest feeling of being inhumane. It made his lungs tighten like no human could. It wasn't human to feel this way. He was broken whenever he's high. When he's no longer human, he could finally accept himself for liking who he wanted. He was addicted to the high because he didn't feel guilty for having feelings held towards Atsumu. How could people love the people of the same gender without the need of feeling inhumane? A human was born to like the opposite gender, weren't they not? It was hard for Suna to accept that feelings were normal concepts human beings had. But those feelings aren't that gay shit he experiences. Humans are hypocrites to their own concepts. Humans shit on their own concepts. If he wasn't human, liking Atsumu wouldn't be wrong. If… If Atsumu was a girl, nothing would be wrong. If only Atsumu could be Mary, nothing would've been wrong with getting addicted. But, no. Nothing's fun when it's real. Atsumu was a boy. He was human, and he had feelings for a boy. He had real feelings, a concept a human has. Something normal, but something other humans would jeopardize. He was nailing himself on that cross of shame. He was killing himself slowly by getting addicted to Atsumu. He inhaled that smoke with no care. The smoke was supposed to kill him slowly, but it was being gay that did that job for him. Liking Atsumu was the closest to being human. Liking Atsumu was the closest he'd feel to a genuine— not so lethally killing him by burning his lungs— high. It was the closest he's ever been to ever liking the thought that he was a human who had feelings. It was the closest he felt to being free from the shackles of internalized homophobia. But, by God, did the eyes of other humans make it hard to love someone like Atsumu. A boy like Atsumu. A guy. A dude. A man. A human like Atsumu. Atsumu was the only one that made feeling human both a blessing and a curse. Funny how he thought he'd been getting high over nothing. He was just really gay after all. ☏ Finding Atsumu on the beach in this weather… Was not in his list of shits to do this year, but it was alright, he guesses. Hinata and Hoshiumi planned this beach vacation for this off-season since last year and they were allowed to bring a plus one at best since it was sponsored by Hinata's friend, Kozume Kenma. So, being in Brazil, specifically in Copacabana, located in Rio De Janeiro, was a great get away for Atsumu. He just went through a breakup, come on. Nothing like a few tries of drowning himself in salty seawater could make himself feel better right now. Hoshiumi brought his veterinarian friend Atsumu met back in highschool, Hirugami Sachirou, who's the brother of Adler's Captain. Hinata obviously brought Atsumu with him, whilst Kenma brought his best friend, Kuroo Tetsuro. Kuroo Tetsuro was a familiar figure for Atsumu since Bokuto mentioned him almost every time he'd tell stories, but this was the first time he's met the young capitalistic bastard in his life. According to Kenma, he is part of the Japan Volleyball Association's sports promotion division. So fitting for a passionate capitalist. At least he was doing it for the good of volleyball though. Back to being on the beach. He was sitting on one of those resin wicker beach seats that faced the sea who would occasionally greet Atsumu through soft waves and splashes. He just sat there, a cocktail on the table next to him. Hoshiumi and Hinata were nearby, playing beach volleyball on the court a few walks away. He could also see Hirugami jogging near the waters with his dog, throwing the saucer away so his silly little pet could catch it mid air. Kenma was sitting next to him, eyes on his gadget as he played a game called Stardew Valley. He would occasionally drop the switch to snap pictures of himself and his surroundings, smiling as he chatted with the person on the other end of the line. “Kozume-kun?” Atsumu asked, raising his sunglasses to rest on his hair. Kenma raised his eyebrows, head turning to look at Atsumu with an almost mechanical clank coming from his pained neck. “Yes?” He asked softly. “Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't even know I called you out like that. I was just uh– I'm sorry.” Atsumu stuttered, hands waving in the air frantically. Kenma stifled a laugh as he raised his phone to cover his lips. “It's okay. Atsumu, yes? I heard a lot from Shoyo, and the news…” “I see, haha.” Atsumu scratched the back of his neck. “I was just so uh– Y'know, kind of awkward for us to be sitting in silence when we're supposed to be enjoying, right? I just got so curious as to why you kept smilin’ at your phone like that.” Kenma blinked a few times before looking down at his phone screen. “I was uh– I was talking to my boyfriend, heh. I'm pretty sure you know him.” Atsumu blinked, brow raising in doubt. “Boy… Boyfriend?” Kenma let out a soft— “oh” before smiling at Atsumu softly, setting his phone down on his lap before he took a photo from behind the casing. “I get that you're not the chronically online type. But, here.” The cat showed a polaroid picture of him holding his diamond YouTube play button, standing next to a tall silver haired foreigner. “I'm Kodzuken. YouTuber and Pro gamer. I'm mostly known for my League plays and some Apex or Valorant here and there.” The dove gasped in awe as he looked at the photo. He admired Kenma’s talent, feeling a little old as he mentioned some games he wasn't familiar with. Atsumu wasn't really all that about online stuff since he adapted Sakusa's personality of not caring much about media and stuff. He was surely missing out. A second later, he raised his hand to point at the foreigner next to Kenma. “Is that him? Yer boyfriend?” Kenma presented a close mouthed smirk. “Yeah. Lev Haiba, model. Are you familiar with him?” “Yes! I saw him modeling for Vogue or Dior or something. He's got a sister, right?” Atsumu grinned at Kenma. The cat nodded, putting the photo back into his phone case. “Yeah. Haha, anywhere he goes, his sister is there paving the way for him.” Atsumu smiled as he looked back at the sea. “How'd you two get together?” “You never really got to play against us in nationals or something so I'm not surprised you don't know us. We were on the same team back in highschool. Lanky kid, he was… Lev was a year younger than me, so I had to take care of him. We didn't get together until I sponsored him as a model though.” Kenma informed. Atsumu let out a hum. “So you weren't together yet in highschool?” Kenma nodded. “I was with someone else at that time so, yeah.” Atsumu's eyes widened. “Oh?” The cat laughed softly. “Don't take me for someone who dates?” The dove was caught off guard as he jolted, shaking his head in embarrassment. “It's not that! I was just surprised that– That you of all people would have an ex. Like– losing you would be such a loss if I was your ex.” Kenma's laugh grew into a louder cackle. “Not all break ups are sad, I guess. I mean, we were together for 3 years, but it was a mutual break up, so no hard feelings. The first three months were hard since you've basically lost someone who's loved you for 3 years in your life, and you make some mistakes here and there, but I was able to move on.” “But, 3 years was so much… Were they your first love?” “Oh, he was. He's known me since childhood. But, I guess it's not always about love that's between us. Sometimes, we're all just better off as friends.” Kenma smiled, eyes on his lockscreen that displayed a picture of Lev. “And love isn't something that can be forced either… Lev and I were basically polar opposites on everything, but I soon grew to love him the way he was.” Atsumu began reminiscing about the moments he had with Sakusa. He was definitely someone opposite to him. He was someone he had to learn to love. He was someone he chose to love, the way Kenma did to Lev. So, why? How come their love wasn't successful? He asked himself. Like Kenma and Lev, Sakusa and Atsumu were polar opposites. Those three years were… Those three years were his greatest moments. He was envious of Kenma. The cat is able to enjoy a relationship formed from nothing. They had those differences that they learned to accept, yet they're here, happy in this stage of life. He wanted to cry. He missed Sakusa. He wanted Sakusa to love him back. Did he really mean it when he said he'd never make Atsumu cry? He had him at the palm of his calloused palms, so… So why is it that they never worked? Kenma showed his phone, messages between him and Lev displayed. “I also snapped a photo of you since Lev was curious. Please don't freak out.” Atsumu snapped out of it, shaking his head with a laugh. “No, no. It's fine. Tell him I said hi.” “Sure. Lev is a fan of yours, by the way. He has a thing for that skit where you silence the crowd. He said you look like a boss in games.” Kenma chuckled as he went back to texting his boyfriend. The dove grinned as he laid back down on the beach chair. “Mind if I get both of your autographs one day?” Kenma looked at Atsumu, a soft smile on his lips. “Sure. I don't mind.” Now, look at him, standing on the balcony of their room. Hinata and Hoshiumi were given the chance to sleep in a separate couple room while the four of them stayed in a shared room. He was halfway into his martini when Kenma's friend, Kuroo, walked over to him. “Hey.” The capitalist greeted, hand holding a glass of wine. Atsumu raised his head to look at him, an awkward smile on his face. “Hello.” Kuroo chuckled as he leaned on the ledge, staring at Atsumu. “No need to be so stiff. I'm Kuroo Tetsuro, nice to meet you.” He let his hand out. The dove nodded as he took his hand, shaking it. “Miya Atsumu, nice to meet you too.” “Koutaro told me all about you. It's my first time meeting you in the flesh though. I was expecting you to be a lot shorter since Koutaro basically describes you as a baby.” Kuroo informed, sipping on his drink. Atsumu let out a chuckle as he looked back at the sea. “Bok-kun manages to make me look a lot younger than I do. I heard a lot about ya too. Are all of Nekoma graduates capitalists and rich kids?” The capitalist laughed. “Most likely. I mean, it's a prestigious school so I'm not surprised.” The dove stared at him, head laying on his palm. “Sooo~ Why did you follow me out here?” Kuroo gave him a side eye before raising his hand, gesturing the OK sign in front of his mouth. “I was hoping to hit on you. Are you up for a one night?” Atsumu bit his lip as he stopped his laugh, now laying on his arms as he looked back at the sea. “I mean— I would hit, but I'm currently going through a break up so, I'm sorry.” “Ah, my bad then.” Kuroo sighed as he too turned to look at the sea. “It's been 2 months so I thought your ordeal with Sakusa Kiyoomi was done.” Atsumu scoffed. “Yeah~ But your cute friend over there said the first three months will be the shittiest of all break ups…” Kuroo hummed. “Of course Kenma would know a lot about that, huh?” He chuckled. The dove raised his brow, looking at Kuroo with squinted eyes. “Why are you talkin’ like that?” The capitalist turned to look at Atsumu, leaning down to rest his chest on the ledge. “I'm that ex.” Atsumu's mouth was agape, just as wide as his eyes were as he pointed at Kuroo, stuttering. “You– I– He– What?” Kuroo bursted out laughing as he watched Atsumu break into confusion. A good 3 minutes later, he let out a satisfied— “Hah~” before wiping his tears. “Man, watching you is such a treat. But, yeah. I'm that ex.” “But, he said that you're childhood friends! When did you even start dating? Why'd you two break up?” Atsumu waved his hands around like a monkey. Kuroo rested his chin on his palm, eyes up at the round moon. “Kyanma and I have been friends since we were basically babies. I brought him into volleyball since I don't want him to grow up with scoliosis playing games all night and day. I started dating him in highschool when he was a 1st year until he was a 3rd year. We broke up since we really didn't feel couple-ey at all.” “But… That'd be such a waste though.” Atsumu said with a sad tone. Kuroo shrugged. “Not really. 3 years as a couple was just the same to us being friends… It was hard after the break up since we had to cut old habits, but eventually Kenma moved on, so I was content with that. It was mutual, that's why we stayed as friends… I'm thankful that we're the good kind of break up though.” Atsumu frowned. “If I was that… I don't think I would be able to move on at all! I mean… The memories and stuff… Man, I feel jealous that y'all got to stay as friends.” He scoffed. Kuroo hummed, bumping his shoulder against Atsumu's. “Not all relationships end well. And, we haven't gotten your response on your relationship with Sakusa either. If you can't move on now, there's always time to get rid of those icky post-breakup feelings. Ain't this vacation a good start?” The dove wanted to soar high again after breaking his wings. He sighed, eyes on the ground. “I… I don't think I'm ready to move on from Omi at all.” “Why?” Kuroo asked, hand moving to take a hold of Atsumu's. Atsumu sighed as he looked at his palm, Kuroo drawing circles on it. “I just have so much love for him left… He took me so high and now… I want that love reciprocated back before I let go, y'know? Like– I just want to know and feel that he genuinely loved me in our relationship, so I could feel satisfied. I want to feel satisfied first before I break up with a man I swore to marry.” The capitalist modded. “That's understandable, to be honest. Must've been a shitty break up, huh?” “Does shitty equate to dumping me in front of our team at a ramen shop?” “Definitely.” Atsumu scoffed as he tugged on Kuroo’s index finger. “It's been a month since I've seen that bastard… He doesn't even want to talk to me. He has me blocked on all socials, even my number.” Kuroo whistled, groaning. “Man, he sounds so shitty.” “Omi-Omi really isn't… He's just… I dunno, challenged? He doesn't know how to talk about his feelings properly and he'd end up isolatin’ himself. Even from me. He'd say the meanest things before doing so, too… I thought that… That after all that, he'd just end up isolatin' again, but! Looky here! He broke up with me…” Kuroo frowned. “Ever tried talking to him about it? I mean, you’ve probably done that…” “Fuck, I did! But every time he'd argue back and when he's isolated, his cousin comes and jumps me… Like, it was a fight between us two, yeah? I never once told anyone about issues in our relationship, and somehow his cousin knows all! It's a bit unfair, ya get me?” Kuroo nodded. “Yeah, I do. Couple fights are supposed to be couple fights. Why'd his cousin come into the picture?” “I know right? If Omi-Omi had trouble understandin’ why we were fightin’, we could've talked about it, but nah! He went and asked someone else to help him. Like— I'm the boyfriend! I'm supposed to be the one yer talkin’ to if ya don't know. It's our business. If he wanted more assurance, he could've asked me to give it to him! I'd give him everythin’ he wants, even if it means bleedin’ me dry.” Kuroo stopped him there. “Well, maybe because he felt guilty? I mean– You were probably beating yourself up, so maybe he thought he wasn't doing good as a partner? You were basically stabbing yourself in front of him so—” “I…” Atsumu stopped, tongue feeling dry and numb. Kuroo shrugged, “I'm not one to judge, but what if that was the case? Isn't it natural to feel guilty when your partner is basically hogging all the negativity in a fight that's supposed to be an eye opener for you both to have equal grounds and understanding? He must've felt bad that you were on the heavier side of the scale. He must've felt bad that you weren't even trying to defend yourself when you know he's the one who did something wrong.” “That's ‘cause I didn't want him to feel bad about hurtin’ me! I didn't want him to feel that he hurt me ‘cause I know how much he loves me…” Atsumu was breathless. Kuroo's brows were furrowed as he placed a hand on Atsumu's shoulder. “Love isn't always happy… Y'know that, right? You are destined to hurt each other and to forgive again and again… But, it's supposed to be an equal battle. Depriving Sakusa of feeling guilty resulted in him wanting to make you feel bad.” “But… But I did that so he won't…” “He'd purposely make you feel bad in hopes you get mad at him. So you could see that loving him excessively like that suffocated him. Depriving him of a human’s true nature of having the ability to feel everything. Every emotion. You probably deprived him of loving you like a human would, because you presented yourself as a punching bag or a chew toy…” Atsumu frowned, eyes welling in tears as he looked at the floor. “I…” Kuroo sighed as he pulled Atsumu into a hug, his hand rubbing his back up and down. “He probably wanted you to respect yourself, that's why. He probably wanted you to love yourself first because treating yourself any less of a human wounded Sakusa's image of you.” Atsumu sobbed as he balled his hands into fists, knuckles turning white. “God… I…” “He must've loved you so much to let you go like that… He's probably heartbroken right now, too, that you're still treating yourself this way. Maybe… Maybe try and focus on loving yourself first, yeah? I think Sakusa would like that.” ☏ Suna was back at it again. Smoke fogged his room, eyes bloodshot and dry with tears. He ripped everything. Every possible blunt, swisher, roll, even the bong! He's been at it for hours, he was just sitting there. His lungs hurt. He felt as if he was burning in hell. In hell where Gay people belong. His head rested on the couch, body on the floor as saliva dripped from the side of his mouth. He wanted to laugh, but it felt like his lungs would crumble to dust if he even let out a sound. He sat there, convincing himself that liking Atsumu wouldn't make things better. It was only Atsumu that made him feel this way, though. No other man has ever peaked his interest other than his highschool bestfriend. Suna shouldn't have left Atsumu like that… He left him in the worst state possible, even adding onto the fact he was a man who still loved somebody else. Coming from a boy who grew up learning that being gay was wrong since it kills your social life on the spot. That the human population would view him more of a circus animal than the human, capable of feeling love, that he truly was. That the world would bury him raw and alive for being a walking defect of society. That the eyes of many would see him as someone who ruins the possible future life that could blossom. That the universe wouldn't even bother to label him as a creation with how alien he was. Suna knew how the people like Atsumu were treated. He was scared. He didn't want the same treatment, because being human is permanent. It was best to be reserved. Drugged into a never ending high. In a state of inhumanity, than to be labeled as someone who feels everything. Every real thing. Because… Nothing's fun when it's real. It was best to kill himself earlier with drugs like these so at least he can't die human. Being a human sucked.  The smoke was designed to kill him slowly. It was an addicting cooking process that brought him the adrenaline of knowing he'd be dead soon without feeling emotion in the slightest. Everything was suddenly too quiet in his room. The ticking of the wall clock became muffled as hallucinations started to play out as Mary kissed Suna a good high. Why? Why is it when he feels less human, Atsumu comes and visits him in times like these? Why was Atsumu here, holding him with cold palms? Why was Atsumu smiling at him as if he's the most loved human of all? Why is it when he feels less human, Atsumu makes him feel everything a human would feel? Why is he addicted to getting high in the first place? If not to feel the reality of his feelings for the blond he adored back in highschool? Getting high resulted into feeling inhumane. Getting high made him hallucinate Atsumu. Atsumu resulted into feeling human. Even if it was only for a while. Suna loved being human. Suna loved Atsumu, even if it was temporary. He didn't have to feel guilty for liking a boy. Back in college, he ended up making friends with people in the pharmaceutical field who taught him about medical marijuana. They said it was safer than taking pills because pills could result in overdose. Suna wasn't unfamiliar with smoking because he hung out with twins who are fatherless after all. So, Marijuana was just a new type of smoke for him. He didn't think that it would psychiatrist the shit out of his repressed feelings and bagged emotions that he hid under his bed in a case. The first inhale was basically someone asking him about his well-being. The coming rips were just statements telling him that he's not so “human” for feeling those. But, when the last rip hits, it's all back to falling from the sky into the arms of the most repressed memory of all. Atsumu. Miya Fucking Atsumu. The cases under his bed were feelings for Miya Atsumu. The most inhuman thing he could do was feel feelings for Atsumu. At the same time, the most human he could feel was having feelings for Atsumu. How confusing it was for a 19 year old Suna to suddenly remember his repressed homosexuality. It was both a nightmare and a dream to suddenly reignite his crush on a friend. Then again, he would see his mother in the corner of his eye when he wanted to admit that he was indeed in love with someone else's son. All he could do was regret, then love the feeling he'd experience by getting high in the worst possible way. At least it was for Atsumu. At least it was for someone worth all the love he has… Atsumu just kills him. It was Atsumu who did the killing at this point. He was the reason why Suna's heart would skip beats often. He was the reason no air would enter to make its trip into his lungs, leaving it looking like a raisin. He was the reason why he forgets that he has to breathe in the first place. He was the reason why his eyes are so dry right now. Atsumu was the reason why he enjoyed food. He was the reason he could get a good night's sleep after getting high. He was the reason why he was so passionate about playing volleyball as the buttercup blocker. He was the reason why he was high in the first place. Atsumu was the only fun thing that's real when everything else is not. Atsumu was his tragic end when sobering up has to slap him back to his senses. God, how much he loved Atsumu. It drove him mad. It gave him that gut wrenching feeling. It made him cry. Suna sat there, hands pressing into his eyes as he sobbed. “Eugh… Augh, fuck…” Honesty was the hardest thing to face. It was the reality of all. Nothing's fun when it's real. “I don't want this anymore… Love… I don't want to love anyone else other than ya anymore, Sumu…” He sniffled, sobbing as he pressed his forehead onto his knees. It would've been easier if he straight up told Atsumu he was in love and to be rejected on the spot than to have done that. He only added to the burden the dove had on his plate. He truly was a pathetic man through and through. Making mistakes for a man he longed for like an idiot. Acting like any other human would for anyone they loved. And he said he hated feeling human. Ha! He just can't be honest now, can he? Afraid of the reality that's unfunny and scary. Nothing's fun when it's real. Nothing is ever light when you're sober. It's Tragic. ☏ 
“We came as fast as we could, Samu's parkin’ the car. Rin! Rin open the door for me, Rin.” Atsumu banged on the door repeatedly as he called out for the man inside of the apartment, occasionally shaking the door knob open.
 
Suna was on the floor, sobbing his eyes out as wraps and weed surrounded him.
 
Atsumu groaned as he hit the door. “Rin ya were fuckin’ fine earlier! What the fuck happened?”
 
Suna's world was too muffled, too silent. Everything was in slow motion or unmoving at all. His eyes were falling out of its sockets along with tears that anchored his weight down.
 
He lied there, motionless. Breathing ever so slowly. There was still smoke in the room. He'd hope he'd die of carbon monoxide poisoning right now since he was too numb to even feel the bleeding sensation coming from his nose.
 
Atsumu kicked the doorknob down, prying the room open as he rushed into the genkan. “Rintarou!”
 
Suna's eyes slowly moved to eye the blond who stood in the genkan, hands on the walls to support his trembling body.
 
His throat was too dry to speak. His tongue felt like sandpaper resting in his mouth, too rough to swallow. His heart strings tugged on each other in separate directions everytime he took a breath, making him suffer more.
 
It was the only thing he could feel even if his entire body was already numb and paralyzed.
 
Atsumu ran to the fox's side, lifting his head to make him rest on his lap. “Rin? Rin are ya okay? I— I— I'm here— I'm here for you now.”
 
The blond brushed Suna's hair away from his face as his panicked demeanor worsened at the sight of blood leaving the fox's nose.
 
“Rin, fuck. God, why would ya do this to yerself?” Atsumu wiped his nose, followed by his calloused thumbs wiping the side of his eyes to clear away the dried tear stains.
 
“I thought ya were— I thought ya were fine…? I thought ya were okay…? Rin, hmm?” Atsumu continued to wipe Suna's face, a few panicked tears forming in his eyes.
 
And all of a sudden, Suna's high wore off as all sound deafened him. A tinnitus so loud it made him wince in Atsumu's touch, letting out a gasp and pained groan.
 
Atsumu hugged the fox close, nose buried in his hair as he hushed him. “Where does it hurt, Rin? Shh, it's okay… I'm here… Where does it hurt, hm….?”
 
Suna shut his eyes tight as he raised his hand to fist Atsumu's sweater, more tears leaving his eyes as he sobbed. “She's dead… Fuck, Sumu… She's dead…!” He sobbed out.
 
Atsumu's palms went cold as he held Suna's cheek, eyes wide in shock. “Auntie…”
 
“I didn't— I haven't— I…” Suna gasped, hiccuping in the process as he buried his face in Atsumu's chest.
 
Atsumu bit his lip as he held Suna closer, his hand traveling to brush through the fox's hair. “I'm sorry for yer loss…”
     
“Ma, What if I… Let's say I…” Suna struggled to speak as he held onto his mother's hand.
 
She laid in the hospital bed, oxygen being carried to her through a tube. She's been laying there for a while now. The doctors said she was taking one too many pills from her prescription.
 
They suspected it was an overdose, but Suna refused to believe his mom would kill herself like that.
 
Suna bit his lip, grip tightening. “Ma… I can't, like… I can't find myself likin' girls… I can't like ‘em the way you want me to… Would you be able to forgive me for that?”
 
Of course, Suna's mother stayed silent. She had her eyes closed for a while now, as if to say she'd rather die not having a son like Suna.
 
“There's this boy… Well, there's this boy in my year that I… That I might like, y'know and— And, he's nice! He may not be a girl, but he's so much more than that… I think he's better than any girl that I've been with…” Suna explained.
 
“I know for a fact you'd like him since you met him already… I was hopin’ one day I could talk about this with you… But I'm too scared to hear you say that you can't love me anymore just because I'm…”
 
Suna stopped himself as a few tears escaped his eyes. He wiped them, sniffling as he took his mother's hand with both of his.
 
“I hope that when you wake up… I hope that I'd have the courage then to come out to you… As your son, I know that you love me, but I wish that you could accept me for who I am. It's hard, Ma… It's hard to think that… That you won't love me for being human…”
 
He raised his mother's hand to his forehead, chest feeling heavy as his heart sank to his stomach in an uncomfortable churn.
 
“I still want you to love me as your son… I did everything that you asked me to do, so at least accept this part of me, Ma… I don't want to keep lying to you… I don't want you to die without knowing this ‘cause it'd make me so guilty to know I've disobeyed you…”
 
Suna took a deep breath. “I’ve never been the best son to you, and I'm sorry… I'm sorry for not being the son that you wanted… I'm sorry if being me pains you, Ma… I'm sorry…”
 
Suna bit his lip as he pressed the back of his mother's hand onto his cheek. “I'm your son… I'm your son, and I hope you can accept me the way I am… I'm sorry, Ma…”
     
Atsumu cradled Suna as Osamu prepared the fox's things since he would be taken home to Hyogo. They sat on the couch as Atsumu continued to nurse the mourning boy.
 
Suna's eyes were blinking rapidly since an overdose on marijuana wasn't really fatal, but rather concerning instead. He was feeling dizzy and breathless after all that breathing in and suffocation after all.
 
Suna stared at Atsumu, heart faltering as it pumped in skipped beats. With his mother gone, he can't afford to love Atsumu the way he wanted to.
 
Not without apologizing to the woman he killed.
 
He can't afford to love Atsumu. Not when his mother refused to love him as her son until she drew her last breath.
 
And her last breath was just a day after Suna's visit.
 
It was the last nail to his coffin to abandon that case under his bed.
 ☏ Destiny brought Atsumu to a familiar doorway, hand on the doorbell he used to press every time he visited. In hand was a plastic bag of goods they used to share together. Umeboshi, mixed fruit, trail mix, and yogurt. Some things they used to enjoy. Kiyoomi stood behind the door, sclera a pinkish red as he held the doorknob. It was cold against his warm, moist, palms. Just behind the door was Atsumu, the love of his life. The door swung open slowly, the ravenette towering over the dove who had to lift his chin to meet Kiyoomi in the eyes. “Have you been crying?” Atsumu asked in a breaking voice, hands shaking as he took a sharp inhale to calm himself. Kiyoomi nodded, hand on the wood door as he hid behind it. “Come in…” He pulled it back along with himself. Atsumu sighed as he stepped inside, leaving his shoes by the genkan as he welcomed himself into an abode he once acknowledged as home. The ravenette followed behind, the dove having led them to the couch where they used to spend most of their time together. Atsumu sat down, plopping on the corner he used to feel most comfortable in. It wasn't warm and cozy anymore. If anything, it was cold, and the cushions were now stiff. Kiyoomi sat next to him, leaving a 5 feet gap between the two of them. “It's been… 2 months? Next season is right around the corner, Omi-Omi…” Atsumu started, placing the plastic bag neatly on the coffee table in front of them. The ravenette nodded, eyes glistening. “I tried to reach out to you…” He spoke in a raspy voice. God, Kiyoomi's voice nearly brought Atsumu to tears. It was as if the man had been wailing day and night that he lost all ability to speak properly. Was Kiyoomi even eating at the right time? Drinking 8 glasses of water a day? When Atsumu was his, he'd make sure to do those daily… “You blocked my number— Everything else, too. I wanted to talk to you so bad, Omi…” Atsumu's eyes stung as wind blew before him. Kiyoomi sniffled. “Because— I did that because I felt uncomfortable talking to you over the phone! I wanted to talk to you in person because I— I didn't know how to express myself in words. You know me…” Atsumu raised his chin, eyes shut to stop his tears. “I know, Omi… I'm sorry…” He paused. “Uh… Hah… Why…? Why did you break up with me that way…? What made you say all those things about us…?” Kiyoomi swallowed the lump in his throat. “I was scared. I was— I— I wanted you to push yourself away from me as much as possible because if you— If you kept loving me… Fuck—” He inhaled sharply. “I needed to break things off with you that way because if I went soft on you, I'd see you crumble again and I— I can't afford to feel bad any more…” “Oh… Oh…” The ravenette continued, his own fingers picking at his skin. “I couldn't find the courage to talk to you the first month because— because I felt bad. I didn't have the courage to look at you so beaten and bruised, because I knew if I saw you like that, I wouldn't have the guts to break up with you…” He sobbed. “If I saw you then and there, I would come crying back to you and the toxic process of us hurting each other would continue and I can't do that to you! Atsu, you're the only person I've ever loved in my life, and I can't afford to be someone that kills you.” Atsumu inhaled again, heart aching as he folded his hands into tight fists that rested on his lap. Tears soon slipped through the sides of his closed eyes as he shook, sobbing. Kiyoomi had his mouth hanging in a slight gape. He quickly bit his lip as he looked away, fists folded tightly as he refused to stare at the falling dove. “I said all of those things so that people would finally shut up about us because I can't have eyes on me all the time at the rawest moments.” “I'm sorry, Omi… I didn't think that I was doing so much to you… I thought I was doing good because you— you gave me everything I needed back…” Atsumu gasped for air. “I kept you so impossibly close because I— I loved you so much I was scared that a stupid mistake would make you leave me… I was so scared that I wouldn't be understanding enough or I wouldn't be enough for you. I— I threw my pride down because I didn't want you to feel like I was y'know, controlling you?” “Atsu— I felt so suffocated! I felt so trapped when you loved me the way you did! I— I didn't even think you were treating yourself as a human! You made me feel bad, Atsu…” Kiyoomi bit his lip, bruising it. “You made me feel like a murderer. Like I dehumanized you because you always made me feel like I treated you like you weren't my equal. We were partners! We were lovers, Atsu… Did you even know what I felt when you put me on a pedestal every God forsaken time we argued?!” “How would I have known when you kept running away?! You wouldn't want to talk! It's always Motoya who would confront me! I didn't even know you felt bad because You refused to talk to me! What choice did I have? I had to believe that I wasn't even worth the talk because I was probably too inhumane to know you were capable of feeling bad!” “I didn't know how to talk to you because— Because I—” Kiyoomi stuttered as he shut his eyes in a wince. Atsumu shook his head as he took a deep breath. “I kept asking you. Everytime we fought, I kept asking you if you had anything to say but You just left. You leave and walk out that door with everything you have. I kept waiting. I wanted to read you so bad, Omi… You made me feel bad by crying to Motoya instead of talking to me. Do you know how embarrassed I felt when he was the one who told me I was making the love of my life cry?!” “You make yourself impossible to reach!” Kiyoomi argued. “You make yourself feel unworthy of knowing how I feel, because you don't even pity yourself! You already display yourself as a bullied child before I can even say how bad I feel!” “The issue was you kept leaving! You kept leaving me before I could even tell you why!” “I left because I can't stand seeing you hurt because of ME!” Silence settled between them as Atsumu moved to hold onto the fabric of his shirt, gasping for air as he sobbed in front of Kiyoomi again. Nothing's fun when it's real. “From the start, Atsu… I loved you so much, I swear, I did… You were all I ever wanted… All I ever had… I tolerated your smoking. I believed that the drugs would make you stay true to yourself but— I can't stand to hear you say those things every damn time we fight… It isn't easy to hear you say I'd witness you kill yourself in front of me… I'm sorry if I had to leave.” Kiyoomi reached out, pulling Atsumu into his arms. Atsumu wrapped his arms around Kiyoomi, hands clasped tightly together. “I’m sorry for hurtin' ya so bad, Omi… I'm sorry…” Kiyoomi sniffled as he pulled Atsumu closer, face buried in the crook of his neck. “I wanted to love you as a human… I couldn't love you when you were thinking that you were any less than that… I wanted to love you when you were capable of loving yourself, because it felt better that way…” Atsumu sobbed as kissed Kiyoomi's neck. “I wanted to understand you so badly… I wanted to know you deeper because you didn't even know yourself… I wanted to love the Kiyoomi who knew what he felt… I wanted to love you Omi, the Omi who trusted that I would take care of him… I wanted to love the Omi who trusted that I could love him.” Kiyoomi nodded as he stayed in that position, hands moving to interlock with his own fingers to hold Atsumu closer. “Promise me, Atsu… Promise me you won't say those things again… That you wouldn't end it all… Promise me that you'd stay true to yourself, hm…?” Atsumu hummed as he shifted to rest his chin on Kiyoomi's head. “I promise… Promise me that you'd be more honest with yerself too, Omi… Promise me that you won't feel the need to run away ever again…” The ravenette took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly. “I promise… I promise.” Loving Kiyoomi was Atsumu's choice. He was aware that the ravenette was aromantic from the beginning, but he still chose to love him either way. He chose to give the overflowing love he had. But, some plants die when they are overwatered. Those 3 years of fighting over who loved who better. The nights where none of them could sleep, yet they stay with their eyes closed in each other's embrace in a cold bed. Kiyoomi truly loved Atsumu. Atsumu was the only person he had ever loved. He was the only one he could call his true love. Atsumu was the only one who changed for him. Atsumu was the only one who tolerated his inexcusable behaviors. Atsumu was the only one who made an effort to break his walls down despite having the risk of losing face. Being Atsumu's was his proudest moment. But, Atsumu was hard to love. Well, there were Atsumu's cruel statements that he would take his life upon heartbreak. There was Atsumu's quick surrender to every unequal fight. Those were things Kiyoomi found hard to love. Atsumu truly loved Kiyoomi. Kiyoomi was one of the people that genuinely loved him back. He was someone he could call his true love. Kiyoomi changed for him. Kiyoomi tolerated his inexcusable behaviors. Kiyoomi made an effort of stepping out of his comfort zone with the risk of losing his self respect. Being Kiyoomi's was the happiest moment of his life. But, Kiyoomi was hard to love. There were times where Kiyoomi would run away from him. There were times where Kiyoomi would say the cruelest things just to get a reaction out of him. Those were things Atsumu found hard to love. Their hearts sang in an unsynchronized beating. Atsumu wished he could've met Kiyoomi at the right time. He wished that he met Kiyoomi in the best state he could. 3 years of loving and fighting… Atsumu was ready to let go of those, because he didn't need memories. Everything was before him. Kiyoomi was in front of him now. It was time to move on… Kiyoomi cupped Atsumu's cheek, the dove having a small smile on his face. The ravenette raised his brow, the dove's smile contagious as he too let out a small grin. “What are you laughing about, Atsu?” He asked, lifting the dove's face to meet his eyes. Atsumu's brows were furrowed as he spoke. “I… I'm just happy that you got to be a major part in my life, Kiyoomi… You were so… So lovable. You were so fun to love.” Kiyoomi's heart ached as he listened to Atsumu. “Were”— he thought. He sighed, pressing his forehead onto Atsumu’s. “You are lovable… You are fun to love, Atsumu. But to me… You'll probably be my one and only storyline… But, I'm happy you were mine.” Kiyoomi's heart ached. He was about to lose someone he never got to love as a human. Someone else will have to experience that feeling of meeting the loveable Atsumu at the right time… He's already jealous of what it'd feel like. Atsumu stood by the door, hand on the knob. Kiyoomi stood before him, hand holding the dove. Atsumu didn't want to leave, but he had to go. “We're not going to fix this and try again?” “I… I think this is the end.” Atsumu took his hand back, opening the door as he stepped outside, waving goodbye. “See you tomorrow, Omi-Omi.” Kiyoomi exhaled as he scoffed, waving back at Atsumu with a wide smile. “See you tomorrow, Atsu.” ☏ Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi's separation: Confirmed? The internet was taken aback when MSBY Black Jackal's players Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi posted on their Instagram stories at the same time whilst tagging each other’s username. On August XX XXXX, photos of the same sky which was likely taken in the same location in different angles surprised the netizens. Last April XX XXXX, news regarding the break up of MSBY’s openly gay couple was released to the whole nation. Initially, it was only Sakusa Kiyoomi who released statements about their break up, with Miya Atsumu staying silent about the whole dilemma. Then, on July XX XXXX, Miya Atsumu was spotted in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, enjoying his vacation with teammate Hinata Shoyo. He was seen with newly dyed hair, which was speculated to be his way of saying that the break up has indeed happened, and he was deeply affected by it enough to dye his hair. Miya Atsumu neither released a statement, nor spoke about the whole situation. But, with the Instagram story scenario, it is safe to say that the couple ended on good terms. They were truly a couple the young members of the LGBTQIA+ community looked up to. Their relationship was truly a heartbreak everyone experienced along with the couple. As Miya Atsumu stated in his own Instagram story— “This is proof not all relationships will last forever, but they won't necessarily end in just memories.” Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi are examples of bravery and courage. Let us all wish them for the better as they continue on with their lives in different paths. Let us continue rooting for them as star players of the MSBY Black Jackals, and as people like the rest of us. — Meiru, AiAugust XX XXXX ☏ Well, technically nothing felt like home to Rintarou anymore. Not even the house that he left years ago. The rotting house left that came with leaving her sister to hole herself into it alone. He went back to Hyogo for two specific reasons. One, was to come out to his remaining family member in order to finally drop the guilt he's been carrying all his life. Two, was to also come out to someone he felt the need to. It's been a while since he walked through this stone pathway. It was kept clean, no weed sticking out… Riika must be taking care of it well. He knocked on the door, a familiar sound he always heard when the twins visited him as dumb teens. The door swung open to an unfamiliar figure. It was a girl who was almost as tall as he was with dyed pink hair and hazel eyes. She turned her head to look behind her. “Riika-chan! Your– Your brother's already here!” Rintarou's brows furrowed as he looked at the girl, confused. “Excuse me, but who are you?” The girl turned to look back at Suna, an awkward smile painted on her lips as she bowed. “Ai Meiru! I'm Riika’s uh… Uhm– How should I put this…” “Nii-San!” Riika came running as she stood before Rintarou, arms outstretched to barricade him from Meiru. Suna Riika stood before her brother, towering the same height as he did. Well, if Rintarou had the eyes of a Tibetan Fox, Riika had the eyes of a Tibetan Mastiff. Both had uninterested looks, but Riika's was gentler, nicer. “Why'd ya hafta come home now? Ya could've like– came a little later with a proper warnin’?” Riika glared at her brother, a little defensive. Rintarou raised his brow as he flicked his sister's forehead, the mastiff letting out a soft— “Itte!”. The fox sighed as he cocked his head to the side, eyeing the girl behind his sister. “Who's she?” Riika glared, mouth pursing into a pout before she looked outside in swift glances. “Come inside first. We don't want ‘em neighbors watchin’ yer back, right?” A few moments later, Rintarou found himself sitting in their living room that looked nothing like their living room before. It was decorated with furniture that ranged from the color pink to orange, some were fruit-based and some were just… weird. Riika clicked her tongue as she pushed a mug of tea towards Rintarou, plopping down on the couch that faced the complementary sofa. “Before ya yap at me, what brings ya here? The last time I saw ya, ya didn't even bat an eye when ya left me for Nagano after Ma died…” Rintarou sighed as he looked at the steaming tea. “I…” He stopped. Damn it. He could feel that lump in his throat again. That itching feeling that wouldn't leave. It made him want to puke. He raised his hand to cover his mouth as he gagged. “I…” His eyes narrowed into an uncomfortable glare, burning a hole through the coffee table. Riika watched her brother with a glare as she kicked the coffee table from underneath, finally getting the fox's attention. “Spit it out, Rin! It's not like yer pregnant or somethin’?! Unless ya are, which would be a whole new problem, ‘cause how the fuck?!” Ah, Riika hasn't changed at all. Rintarou thought. When they were younger, Riika always had a nasty personality. She would always rebel against her mom, and would defend Rintarou when their mom guilted him of his homosexual tendencies. She was the type to hold onto her anger. She was the type to fight in order to justify feeling angry. Rintarou couldn't be prouder of her. She was everything he couldn't be. Then, Rintarou took a deep breath in, keeping his eyes glued to the floor as tears soon fogged his eyes. He sniffled, his mouth quivering as he forced them open. “Remember… Remember back in highschool where… Where I would always say I felt somethin’ for that one guy in class?” His eyes glanced up, but his head kept it's bow. Riika nodded as soon as she heard this, body relaxing into the couch. “Yeah? Isn't it Miya-senshu? MSBY’s famous setter?” Rintarou nodded as he swallowed dryly. “Well, I uh… I'm still good friends with him and his twin… I know I cut all contact after Ma died, but I… Well, I… We've been friends for a while now and I can't get rid of that feelin’ I felt for him back in highschool…” “When did it come back?” Riika asked firmly. This caused Rintarou’s eyes to widen as he stuttered, “W-Well– I… Fuck…” He sighed. He was about to tell her sister she's been doing drugs for a while and was sent to rehab for it like a fucking idiot. Nothing's fun when it's real. Anyway, “Look, hypothetically—” “Hypothetically my ass. Got somethin’ to say? Spit it out. Ya sound like a pussy with a hairball in her mouth.” “Geez! Fine, fuck! I do— I do marijuana.” “So?” “I do— Wait, What?!” Rintarou's eyes widen even further, finally ridding of that stereotypical Tibetan Fox look in his eyes. “Rin, everyone's probably doin’ edibles and shit nowadays. Gettin’ high, ‘specially with the money ya got, ain't new. I ain't surprised either since ya used to smoke vapes behind the school with the Miya's.” Riika slumped further into the couch. Rintarou had his jaw on the floor in disbelief as he let out incoherent words that came out like broken words from a walkie-talkie. It took him a good few blinks and swallowing later to clear his mind from the back to back shocks he received on this day alone. After shaking his head in a guillotine type of way, he proceeded again. “Well, now we're done with that. Back in college, I started doin' mary ‘cause some med kids taught me it hits good. So, naturally, the Miya's followed. They quit early, but let's say my team kinda found out, and they often sent me to a rehab in Osaka, where I'd spend my off-seasons bangin’ my head on the wall than bein’ with them.” Riika scoffed as she grinned at her brother. “Sounds so much like ya. Hah~ Ma really raised us well, huh?” “Ya could say that again. Anyway, I got caught smokin’ a blunt after we, like, held a sort of last team meetin’ since some senpai’s are retirin’. The captain found out and sent me all the way from Nagano to pound town like that.” The mastiff cackled out loud as she held her stomach, body fully laying on the couch as she gasped for air, laughing the same way Rintarou does. “Nah! Ya got got! Puhahahahaha!!!” Rintarou waved his hand as he laughed. “Shut up. So, like a day later, Sumu also came to that rehab ‘cause apparently he relapsed ‘cause of his break up with Sakusa. And hallelujah, he was sent to the same room as me. Yippee!” “Nah. No fuckin' way. Ate type shit! What type of wattpad bullshit is this?” The fox scowled at Riika. “Stop talkin' like that. It makes ya look… dumb.” “Oh! Rude.” Rintarou sighed as he fiddled with his thumbs. “Then, well, I started unknowingly flirtin' with him ‘cause apparently, I can't keep my hands to myself in the presence of a man I… Love? Like? I don't even know! So then, well, yeah, shit started goin’ downhill there…” Riika was silent for a few moments, this made Rintarou stiffen in the position he was in due to fear. He basically came out without the intention of coming out yet. He knew he screwed up. The only thing the fox could hear was the creaking of the couch's wood and the shifting of the soft fabric of the sofa pillows. Riika was now sitting properly, eyes wide and staring at Rintarou who presented himself as if he was naked for the world to see bare. “Are you… Gay?” “I… I… I don't really know… I think I am, but at the same time… It's like I'm not.” He muttered softly. “What do ya mean?” Riika raised her brow, Rintarou bit his lip as he glared back at the coffee table, a few tears slipping past his waterline as he sniffled. “I don't know… I… I like Atsumu only, and– and I never felt this way for any guy before! I mean– It's not like I even tried to. I just like Atsumu, and Atsumu only… And, I also never really liked girls. I had a girlfriend, sure, but it wasn't like I liked her, or I loved her! I'm so confused here, Rii!” Rintarou pressed his palms against his eyes as he cried. Riika sighed as she stood up, walking over to her brother as she placed a comforting hand on his back. She didn't really know how to comfort the man since they were never really close. Same house, but always closed doors. The mastiff smiled softly as she ran her hand up and down on the fox's back. “It's okay. I understand ya, Rin-Nii.” Rintarou sniffled and gasped for air, lungs compressing once again in an inability to breathe properly. “Eugh… Ugh… Fuck, I'm so lost…” Riika chuckled as she leaned on the sofa's hard foam. “I dunno if now's a good time, but… I'm lesbian, Rin-Nii. Always was. Never will change.” Rintarou's eyes widened as he sat up, eyes on her sister who just smiled at him. She acted like nothing was wrong about what she said. Well, nothing was really wrong with her… “What…? Since– Since when…?” Rintarou asked in a hushed voice. Riika looked up at the ceiling that had a few pink-orange paper jellyfishes hanging from it. “Since I was like 9, Rin-Nii. I always… Well, I thought I was just really into pretty things. Turns out I was, but not in the way I expected me to be. It wasn't their pretty faces or pretty voices that attracted me, it was their pretty and feminine personalities that just made me gay. I liked girls for being girls.” She laughed. Rintarou wanted to cry more. Oh, he wanted to cry so bad. “Of course… That didn't feel good at all times… When Ma kept cryin’ to ya, I somehow also felt bad… At least ya didn't do underage bullshit like I did.” Riika glanced at her brother. “14 and I was already drinkin’ Sake and cuttin’ my skin like a fuckin’ idiot. I don't recommend that, but damn was I miserable. Ya were there, but ya were never really there… I kept askin’ myself ‘bout what was wrong with me for likin’ girls. I asked myself if I felt like a girl or a guy. That's why I cut my hair back then.” Rintarou could remember their mother scolding Riika ,who was in her school uniform, for having cut her hair to one that looked like Rintarou's own hairstyle. She looked so much like him that time, even wearing sweatpants under her skirt. Riika looked so empty that day, but all Rintarou did was close his door. Riika continued. “Then came rolling 16 when ya left for college… I had a girlfriend, Meiru. The girl ya met.” “She's… She's yer girlfriend?” “6 years. 6 years, I kept her for 6 years as a secret to ya… ‘Cause I thought ya were like Ma.” “Oh. Oh…” Riika sighed as she looked down. “I told Ma, and then suddenly she started takin’ pills… She overdosed, killin’ herself… Can ya believe that? She killed herself all because I liked a girl…” “Ma would never…” Rintarou's brows furrowed as he frowned. The mastiff huffed. “Dramatic woman. That, she was.” She grunted as she sat up properly. “She was selfish and her views of the world were too clouded with resentment. She chose to live a life of despair. She chose to die, so… It wasn't my fault. It wasn't your fault. I know it's not all people, but she chose to die, yeah? Her reasons were stupid, and she rejected our help, so we aren't the bad people, yes? Rin-Nii?” “But she… We… I…” Rintarou's eyes worked like a faucet these days. Never ending tears pouring like a dam that hasn't gushed in years. Riika sighed as she placed her hands on Rintarou's shoulder. “Coming from me, Nii-san… Nothing's wrong if you're gay. You're… You're still my brother, okay?” God. Rintarou wanted to sob. He wanted to just curl into himself and bawl like a toddler. “How about me? After finding out that I've been a lesbian my whole life, am I still your sister?” Rintarou sniffled as he nodded rapidly, pulling Riika into a hug as he sobbed. “Yes! Yes. Oh, God, yes… Rii, you're my sister no matter fucking what…” Riika bit her lip as her facade washed away. Her eyes started to water as she trembled, tugging on Rintarou's shirt as she took a deep snotty breath. “You're accepted, Rin-Nii… Even if it's not by the world… I do. At least I do. I accept ya for whoever you are, because you'll always be Rintarou Nii-san… There's nothing wrong with loving who you want. There's nothing wrong with loving.” Riika and Rintarou, even behind closed doors, were still in the same walls. They were alike in so many ways. It was as if the wall that divided them was a mirror that made their lives match in a laughable way. What a way to end a bloodline, though. But, now, Rintarou found himself being choked by Riika on their dinner table with a shocked Meiru next to the mastiff. “Ya did fuckin’ what and just left him there?! Ya know, even when yer drunk, yer conscious of yer actions, ya fuckin’ dickhead! I was drunk at 14 and I can still remember my reason for kissin’ Meriu!!!” Riika wrapped her hands tighter around Rintarou's neck as the fox choked. “Look! I wasn't really aware that I was gay! It was like— Khck!!! A bad awakenin’? Yeah?! Ahck! Rii– Riika!!!” Rintarou tried to pull Riika's hands away. Riika stopped as she sat back down with a loud bang to her chair. “Ya know that can count as sexual assault, right? And, ya haven't shown yer face to them for 3 months now! 3!!! The VLeague starts in 1 and a half months tops, and ya haven't made yer peace with Miya-senshu yet. Are ya plannin’ on actin’ like a serial murderer until then?” “I’m ashamed to a degree a demon would feel if they possessed the wrong person. I feel bad for leavin' him like that with no proper explanation! And, we were friends! It would be so… awkward now…” “For dicks sake!” Riika groaned in frustration as she covered her face. Meiru, the only sane one with them, laughed. “As a journalist, I hope you're updated about the news with Miya-senshu and Sakusa-senshu, are you?” “What? Why? What happened? Did something happen to Su– Did something happen to them?” Rintarou asked. Meiru smiled as she gave her phone to Rintarou. “Miya-senshu and Sakusa-senshu had their closure a week ago. MSBY has been back to practice two days ago, and in every social media update from Hinata-senshu, the two have been acting normal.” “I see…” ☏ Kita has been living his life in the Hyogo countryside more than anything. His grandmother was doing well, and rice has never been boring company to him. The thought of being surrounded by golden providers just… put his heart in ease. It was peaceful, and nice, and— What is a Tibetan Fox doing here in the middle of the rice fields? “Kita-san… It's been a while.” The fox greeted with his nostalgic appearance. It made Kita smile as he took his sun hat off. “SunaRin. Here for a cup of tea or rice to go?” “A… A cup of tea sounds nice.” A cup of tea was indeed nice. Just the two of them, senpai and kouhai sitting under a parasol in an elevated area in the farmland. Suna was silent, mostly having a slight blush on his cheeks as he sipped his drink. Kita, on the other hand, sat with elegance and poise as taught by his grandmother. Kita glanced at the fox, cocking his head to look at Suna fully. “Somethin’ on yer mind? Ya've been silent since ya got ‘ere earlier.” The fox's eyes widened as he shook his head to gain composure. “Oh! I uh… I uhm… ouh.” A burp left his throat before he shook his head again, finally gaining that composure he lost earlier. “I wanted to, uh– catch up to ya, Kita-san. And well, uh, ask for advice?” Suna said in a nervous tone. Kita blinked once before his flat-pressed lips curled into a soft, understanding smile. “Well? How are ya, SunaRin?” Fuck. Atsumu and Kita were really alike in ways, huh? Kita was just… nicer, and calmer. “I… I'm doin’ good. Well, aside from volleyball, I'm basically someone jobless with a degree.” He laughed. “But, over all, at this moment, I'm pretty… fucked up?” Kita blinked again, eyebrow raised. “Why? Did somethin’ bad happen?” Suna let out a low groan as he laughed nervously. “More like I did somethin' bad…” The senpai let out a knowing— “Oh” before looking away from Suna, eyes on the field before him. “Mind tellin’ me ‘bout it a bit more?” The fox sighed as he too raised his eyes to eye the rice plants. “I'm… I… I like Atsumu, Kita-san.” “I know.” For a moment that felt like forever, Suna held his breath as his eyes were permanently open in surprise. He could feel his heart racing, face blushing a furious red. He was either going to have a heart attack, or he was just going to stutter out of embarrassment. “H-How— W-Wha— I—” He stuttered, of course. It wasn't that deep. But do you know what else is deep? Absolutely the hole Suna was ready to hide himself in right now because Kita was actively smiling at him, teeth out in a tease. “Since high school, silly. Ya weren't obvious, but it was evident. I know a gay person when I see one since it takes one to know one, SunaRin.” Suna had a perplexed look on his face as he flailed his hands. “But, I didn't look gay???” “Uhuh, and the stares of longin’ directed to Atsumu was just my hallucination. Oh, poor old me with bad eyesight.” Kita finally had that signature look of disinterest on his face. The fox looked at Kita with a disturbed look. “Kita-san, please go back to bein’ nice. Ya scare me.” The senpai chuckled as he looked at Suna. “What came with likin’ Atsumu? Did ya get rejected?” “No…” Suna's voice changed. It was an obvious change that made Kita’s eyebrow rise again. Suna looked defeated. Guilty, even. Kita sighed, eyes slowly closing and opening. “Is this related to the bad thing ya did?” Suna nodded, enough for Kita to sigh again, a little louder this time. Sighs from Kita was already something bad, but for it to happen back to back was just proof you fucked up real bad. “Well?” Kita coaxed. Suna recalled his experience with the dove that fateful night. As the story went on, Kita's now expressive face changed in reactions that varied from surprise, discomfort, and pity. Kita frowned, hand outstretched to hold the fox's shoulder. “SunaRin, ya know that can be considered as sexual assault, right?” “I know, and I feel so bad for doin’ it! I… I feel like I killed Sumu that night…” Suna bit his lip in frustration. Kita took a moment before placing his hand on top of Suna's. “Yer lucky that the twins treat ya like family… If ya weren't, ya'd prolly be in jail by now. I'm pretty sure Atsu-kun wants to see ya, even if that did happen.” “How can he? I basically used and violated him! How can he forgive me? He's a smart person to know to avoid seein’ me again…” Suna barked back. The senpai shook his head as he let out a small smile. “Atsu-kun ain't like that. He's… He's a good boy.” Kita smiled as he raised his head to look at the sky. “Back then, I allowed him to court me after the Nationals. He confessed to me straight on ‘cause he said it was too much for him anymore to hold one sided feelings. I said yes, of course, ‘cause I quite fancied him as a first year too.” Suna's eyes widened again, his lips agape. “Woah…” “But I never said yes to bein’ his boyfriend that time ‘cause my grandma wanted me married… Now, look at me. 26, and still unmarried. I rejected Atsu-kun because I wanted him to pursue his career to go pro. He spent thousands of Yen on gifts, shared kisses and close sexually explicit experiences with me, but he never got mad… He just cried and asked for an explanation. After that, we parted ways.” Kita blushed as he told Suna his experience with Atsumu. By the end of it, he was simply simpering. “I know what ya did ain't as close to what Atsu-kun and I shared, but I'm pretty sure he'll forgive ya. It's Atsu-kun. He loves ya just as much as he would anyone he sees close to him.” Kita affirmed. Suna pressed his lips into a soft smile, looking at the ground. “I see… I… I have one last question.” Kita sat more comfortably. “Spike it at me.” The fox scoffed. “How… How did ya get comfortable with yer sexuality? Like… How did ya come to acceptin’ the change?” The senpai went silent for a few moments before letting out a hum of acknowledgement. “Well, I simply said fuck it, it's me either way. I'm a simple person, SunaRin… What's clean is clean. What's needed to be cleaned will be cleaned. But, comin’ to terms with me bein’ in the spectrum of homosexuality was like lookin’ in a mirror. I was always like that, so what's there to change? I was as clean as a shiny volleyball.” “Please stop speakin’ in tongues Kita-san…” “What I'm sayin’ is, just be who ya are. There's nothin’ wrong with feelin’ that way, ‘cause yer still human like the rest of us are. I simply accepted the fact that I was born that way, ‘cause I am still human.” “Don't cha just want to… not feel human at all? For once in yer life, stop feeling… human…” “SunaRin, lovin’ is both the most human and inhuman ya can feel. Why? Lovin' someone would mean ya live for them. The reason why ya choose to breathe air and make yer heart pound like crazy since ya love that feelin’, is ‘cause yer in love. At the same time, ya die for that love. Ya'd stop yer breathin’, make yer heart ache, ‘cause yer in love.” “But that's not fun…” “Nothing's fun when it's real, SunaRin. I told this all before to Atsu-kun before, too. Reality ain't meant to be fun. It's supposed to be just a plain old feelin’ of acknowledgement. But, ya can make it fun by makin' the reality worth it to be known.” Suna looked at Kita with glistening eyes. The senpai simply grinned as wind blew by to make the rice plants rustle in a song. Kita let out a breath, still smiling. “It’s the greatest feelin’ to know yer human when ya feel somethin' real… Ya only want the reality when it's good anyway. That's why ya always think that nothing's fun when it's real when things aren't goin’ yer way.” The fox nodded, a knowing smile on his lips. “Kita-san’s always wise, huh?” “I'm just Kita Shinsuke, no one else… I'm happy I can help ya, Rin.” “Thank you so much, Kita-san.” Kita stood up as he dusted his pants. “Tell Atsu-kun I said hi. I miss seein’ him run and scratch himself in the fields.” Suna followed, looking at his phone. “I will. He definitely misses bein’ here with ya, too, Kita-san.” ☏ “Finally showin’ yer face after 3 whole months again, Rin? Got an obsession with it or is it just to make us worry for ya?” Osamu wiped the pint glass clean with a cloth before placing it down with a thud. Suna looked at him, guilt and embarrassment in his eyes as he stood at the entrance of Onigiri Miya. Osamu looked at him with disinterest on his face, a slight frown on his lips. “Did ya smoke yer tongue dry that it crumbled off? Speak up.” “Yer scary when yer mad… I thought ya were goin' to throw that fuckin’ glass at my face when I opened the door.” The fox mumbled as he walked inside, hands in his pockets. The twin sighed as he took his apron off, placing it on the counter before he went to the shelves, picking out some drinks to mix into a cocktail. “Sumu was worried for ya… I, on the other hand, couldn't care less ‘cause ya did somethin' I'm not happy about.” Osamu placed the alcoholic beverages on the counter as he went to the back to get some ice. Suna sat on the bar stools as he placed his miscellaneous items on the countertop. “I wanted to apologize to you first… ‘Cause I know you're really mad at me.” Osamu scoffed as he started making a cocktail. “Damn right I am.” He shook the shaker, causing the fox to jolt in his seat. Suna swallowed dryly as he felt his tongue recoil in guilt. With the amount of times Suna had to mention what he did, the worse it got each retelling. It was that shitty. “That night… I got so drunk, I'm sorry… My thoughts got the best of me, and I took the opportunity since Sumu was finally single.” He started. “But I also… wasn't really sure of my sexuality that time. That's why I panicked and I ended up doing that to him…” Osamu pushed a familiar looking cocktail towards Suna. It was the same cocktail Suna made when Osamu admitted to liking Riika back in highschool. “A Last Word, really?” Suna scoffed, taking the glass. The twin sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, ‘cause I hope that no more bullshit comes out of that mouth of yers. Rin, ya know ya did somethin' so wrong. And, honestly, I can't even forgive ya.” This causes Suna to freeze in his place. Damn, he felt a jab to his chest. It was so painful that it caused his brows to furrow, grip on the glass going loose as he bit his lip. “I'm sorry…” “Like, Rin… Man, that's my twin brother ya fucked with. If that was anythin’ more than caressin’ and kissin’, I would've stabbed ya.” It was already as painful as a stab wound to be told all this by his friend. Osamu was right. What he did was truly unforgivable since blaming it all on alcohol isn't a valid reason for one's actions. A person's choices, drunk or not, is what defines that person as a whole. And, that decision Suna made drunk, was him being an asshole of a person. “But, Sumu, somehow, still forgives ya. Like– Like, can you even imagine how pissed I was when he said that? He cried to me sayin’ he wanted to kill himself for makin’ ya feel bad for doin’ that to him, like– Rin, I wanted to kill ya so bad at that time.” Suna looked up, brows knitted in frustration. “He shouldn't! I was the one who kissed him! He should be the one who feels bad that I did that to him. I feel like such an asshole for doin’ that, for sure, but he's got to blame me rather than himself!” “Oh, ya fuckin’ know how Sumu is. He'd blame himself for makin’ ya feel bad for whatever ya did to him…” Osamu bit his lip, eyes scrunching as tears threatened to form. “Ever since we were young… He'd always say he'd kill himself if I didn't go and make friends other than him. Why? ‘Cause I said I felt bad that he was always alone growin’ up since kids didn't really like him… He'd threaten to leave me sayin’ that if he were gone, then I'd be able to make friends.” “What…?” “After a fight with Ma, he'd always show me that he's ready to take his fuckin’ life. Rin– Rin, it's hard to witness that. And, I can't say anythin' about it ‘cause he might just!– It's– Fuck.” Osamu took a shaky breath. “I'm mad at ya for makin’ him feel that way… I'm mad at what ya did, and I'm mad that ya made him feel like that…” Suna didn't know what to say. He wasn't really aware of Atsumu's behavior about saying things like those, especially towards his twin. He wonders about how many times Osamu had to go through Atsumu crying to him that way with a 70-30 chance that whatever Atsumu was attempting to do would come true. “So, Rin, fuckin’ please… Give me a damn break and stop fuckin’ him over. It's hard to talk to Sumu that way… He's my family. Ya'd hate it as much if it were yer sister that was like that. Ya don't know how bad it feels to hear all that… But, ya probably know how it feels when Sumu's willin’ to kill himself as so not to embarrass ya for yer mistake.” The fox kept his head low as he glared at the ground. Of course it would suck to hear that from anyone. He was so self absorbed that he didn't even bother asking how bad the situation was. God, he was such an asshole. The reality was pissing him off. Nothing's fun when it's real. Osamu sighed as he looked at the small framed photo on the counter he had of him and Atsumu when he first opened the Onigiri Miya branch in Hyogo. “But, if Sumu forgives ya… I can probably do so, too. It's bad, yeah, but… Man I don't even wanna justify it, just stop fuckin' up for the love of God. If ya wanna do that then confess and get together before ya do shit like that, God damn it's so bad.” “You're really not helping me feel better here, Samu.” Suna groaned as he hid his face behind his palms. The twin shrugged. “I don't aim on makin’ ya feel better, to be honest. Wallow in guilt or somethin’. It's THAT bad.” Suna groaned again as he downed the cocktail before him, slamming his forehead onto the countertop with a loud thud. “I hate myself…” “Don't we all?” Osamu chuckled as he took the glass, mixing another cocktail. “Alcohol doesn't excuse that kind of behavior. If anythin’, alcohol is liquid truth, ‘cause they say yer most honest when yer drunk. So, whatever thoughts ya had that time of fuckin’ with Sumu, that was yer honesty. And, that tells me EVERYTHIN’ I need to know about ya.” The fox frowned as he looked up at Osamu. “But Sumu was also drunk that time… And, he kissed me first too, so… Was that his honest feelin’?” The twin shrugged. “Ask him that. He's comin’ home tomorrow since it's the weekend. He's been sleepin’ in the dorms since trainin' started. When does EJP start?” “We mostly start mid-September. The new coach we have said that since I'm a druggy, they should push it back so my medical can come out squeaky fuckin' clean.” He chuckled dryly. Osamu let out a small— “Pfft” before offering another type of cocktail to Suna. “Yer medical normally comes out good even if ya used to smoke once a week. I remember yer team winnin’ against DESEO even when ya were still fuckin’ high. And, shut up, don't interrupt me. I know the look in yer eyes when yer high. People may not see it, but I do.” Suna flipped him off. “Oh, fuck ya. Ya've known me 8 years? Give or take a few. Of course ya'd know when I look the shittiest and not.” “We're friends, Rin. Of course I know ya better than anyone else. 8 years, 7 months. That long. I still remember the day ya started adaptin’ and usin’ the Kansai dialect ‘cause of us! Hahaha!!! Ya were so bad at it, but then ya got so good, ya started to sound like a local.” “Dude, I didn't want to be left out! Y'all were talkin’ with each other in language I should be speakin’ but in a total foreign fuckin’ way. A dialect ain't supposed to be so hard to listen to!” Suna argued, pointing at Osamu as if to accuse him. The twin simply laughed harder as he held his stomach. “Man, watchin’ ya struggle so hard to say one word in the Kansai dialect for 3 hours is a highlight of my fuckin’ life. Ya sounded like a 3 year old in a 17 year old’s body.” The fox glared at Osamu as his hands folded tight into fists. “Be glad I even got scouted to go to Inarizaki!” “Shut the fuck up. Ya moved ‘cause yer Ma wanted y'all's to. Inarizaki's scoutin’ was just a coincidence.” Osamu stuck his tongue out. Suna sighed as he decided to no longer argue with the twin. Osamu was just that good at cooking people too. “But, I'm glad I got to meet ya all. Especially ya and Sumu. Mostly Sumu ‘cause yer just a thorn to his side.” “Bitch.” “I'm jokin’. I'm thankful ‘cause ya kept Sumu in this world. And, ya somehow kept me in this world too. Yer just that fat to anchor us down.” “When are ya gonna stop givin’ me back handed compliments ya fuckin’ dick?” Suna laughed as he grinned at Osamu. “Ya know what I mean anyways. Yer more of my twin than ya are with Sumu anyway.” “Ew. I don't want to be yer twin.” Osamu's nose scrunched up in discomfort. “Thank ya, Samu.” “Yeah. Yer welcome, Rin.” ☏ Peace has never been so close to Atsumu before. It's never been an option for him to enjoy a life with either. But, recently, it introduced itself along with the freedom he's never had before. It wasn't because of his break up, or anything in particular. It was because he was slapped with the reality that he was being too much. He took it upon himself to at least self rehabilitate without the help of drugs. Unlike a particular Tibetan Fox that stood before him when he entered Onigiri Miya. “Rin…” He called out to the fox softly. Atsumu went back to that familiar blond color to his hair. 3 months have passed and, well, Atsumu somehow changed. Yellow was really Atsumu's color. But it wasn't really a small change. It changed the way Atsumu looked in Suna's eyes. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. But, a heavy bag still remains waiting for it to be unpacked by someone who owns it. Atsumu noticed it too. Suna looked different. It wasn't a small change either. It changed the way Suna looked in Atsumu's eyes. It was as if he was more confident with something he carried. All his bags were out. Open. Contents presented like an open bible. Reality has never been so close to Atsumu before. It's never been an option for him to believe either. But, recently, it introduced itself along with the bitter and sour flavor he's never tasted before. It wasn't because of his break up, or anything at all. It was because he was faced with the lie he's been trying to believe, because it was more fun that way. Since… Nothing's fun when it's real. He can't get rid of that flavor. He can't keep it off of his tongue. Those eyes burn him. He says he's forgiven himself for what he has done, since it was a funnier sensation than pinning the blame on the man before him. It was tragic. Being sober. Knowing the truth. Acknowledging the reality. It was fucking tragic. The reality was them. And they were not fun. For once, Atsumu wanted to believe nothing was real. He refused to believe that the bitter and sour taste on his tongue was caused by the man before him. He wanted to believe that it was him who drew that unwanted flavor out. He didn't want to ruin the bond they've created, because it was already hard losing someone you loved. It was hard becoming a stranger when you have to face them everyday. It was already tragic being sober, because he can't help those thoughts of wanting to disappear. Because if he went, the not so funny reality will no longer bother him. That night, he believed that he poisoned Suna with his kiss. It was a traitor's kiss, making Suna act that way. He was a snake that offered an apple that choked the fox, his friend. Suna took a step closer to Atsumu who stood frozen by the door, bag dangling from his hand in a loose grip. He looked shocked, and scared. It was as if he saw a dead body rise from the ground. “Sumu… Can we, uh… Can we talk?” He asked in the softest voice he can muster without his throat making it sound cracked. Atsumu closed his gaped mouth, nodding slowly as he placed his bag on the closest table. “It's been 3 months. 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days exactly… Are you some kind of occultist?” Atsumu jokes, sitting on the table where his bag rested. It bothered Atsumu that Suna wasn't laughing. He had that signature look of disinterest on his face. A look he didn't see often in that damned rehab. They spent too much time together there, it was hard to forget. “I wanted to say sorry. I know what I did was unforgivable because I, too, can't forgive what I have done…” Suna got to his knees as he bowed, surprising the blond as he gasped. “Rin—” “I took advantage of you because I… I've liked you for a long time now, and I was too cowardly to admit that I was gay. Since highschool. Since the first day you and I made eye contact. I have liked you ever since, but I was too scared to acknowledge my sexuality.” It silenced Atsumu. Suna's words felt like cold water that's being used to waterboard him with guilt. “My Ma was homophobic. That was the reason why I suppressed my feelings for you… I didn't want to break her heart, because I really loved my Mom since she tried her best to make us live a good life while my father cheated on her with another married man. As a child, that scarred me, and I came to terms that I will never love someone's son for the sake of her.” Atsumu could feel his palms going cold despite sweat forming on them. His fingertips stung and tingled. His throat felt tight, making it hard to breathe. “But, her actions became intolerable. She committed suicide because she found out both her children were gay. She wallowed in her own hatred, leading my sister and I to believe it wasn't our fault that she passed. Which is true, because now I believe that I did nothing wrong. I wasn't wrong in choosing to fall for a man like you, because you are so worth it.” “What are you saying, Rin…?” Atsumu choked on his words, hearing his voice crack that rang tinnitus in his ear. “I thought to myself that night, that if only you were a girl, loving you would be easier. That if you were a girl, I wouldn't feel bad for liking you… But then I remember that the person that I loved was a boy named Atsumu. It was a boy, not a girl. And, it took me a while to accept that fact ‘cause I was scared.” Atsumu stood up as his legs trembled. “What are you talking about, Rin…?” “I'm saying that I don't regret having feelings for you, because you are truly, and purely loveable. I want to apologize for taking advantage of you, and showing you my true feelings in the wrong way. I did that intoxicated, but that doesn't excuse my actions. I'm sorry, Atsumu. I'm truly sorry… I apologize, and I hope you can forgive me.” Suna bowed further in his kowtow, eyes closed tight, palms on the cold marble floor. Atsumu couldn't speak. He didn't like the feeling of Suna apologizing. It wasn't even Suna who kissed him first. It was him who kissed the fox knowing it was the fox that was asking for a kiss. Why did he kiss Suna? Why did he agree to kiss Suna? At that time, it's merely been a month since Kiyoomi broke up with him. Suna was the closest he had to someone that won't push him away even if it was the shittiest of lows he was in. He did it before too, actually. Back in their third year, he would love bomb Suna after Kita had ended things with him. He gave Suna every love he had left. He gave him the wrong thoughts. He purposely left trails to his gingerbread house that was sour and bitter, unlike the love he fed Suna slowly. He showered Suna in that until it was Suna who ran away and disappeared… Or so he thought. From a perspective not of his own, it was Atsumu who created the distance. The pile of paper hearts he threw at Suna grew so large it formed a barrier between them that formed a distance. It took Suna a long time to consume that love since he didn't openly admit his sexuality before. Therefore, Atsumu moved on without knowing Suna even reciprocated that love. Atsumu took advantage of the fact that Suna was always there. He loved the fact that Suna will always be there. He… actually liked Suna without even realizing it. He didn't even know, since it was always after liking a different person that he felt that feeling towards Suna. Suna became his relief that hugged his broken heart close. He liked Suna at those times best, because Suna was proof that he can be loved. He liked Suna when he had no one loving him. He was such an asshole for that. Fuck, he's such an asshole for that. He had feelings for Suna, but never really labeled them. He didn't even bother labeling them, because Suna didn't confirm them either. Now that all the paper hearts were consumed. In the shittiest timings possible. He fucking realizes his reality. Nothing's fun when he knows that he has fallen for Suna all along. Suna stood up, eyes on the blond that held his arm. Atsumu pulled him up from his kowtow with tear filled eyes, water running down his cheeks, down to the floor. “Why'd ya apologize when ya know it was me who kissed ya first? Why are ya apologizin' for somethin’ I caused?!” He yelled, voice cracking like a pubescent teen. Suna raised his hand to cup Atsumu's cheek, his thumb gliding over his wet cheek in a poor attempt to dry it. Atsumu swallowed forcefully, eyes working like a faucet. “Ya fell for me, which is my fault. Ya kissed me, which is my fault. That all happened because of me, so why?! Why are ya askin’ me for forgiveness?!” “Because it was us two, Atsumu. A love like that can't happen with just you. It was us… I was with you when that happened… And, I need you to forgive me so you can forgive yourself.” Suna whispered to him, forehead touching with the blond's. “I know that you won't forgive yourself unless you know I'm content… But I won't feel content until I know you forgive yourself. Call me by your name, Atsumu…” The fox looked into Atsumu's eyes, sparks can be seen within. “I don't want you to think about dying or disappearing because that won't do me, or you good.” Suna smiled softly. “I want you here, living, and loving yourself first. You have so much love. You don't even know how to consume it for yourself, so you suffocate others with it with the threat that you'll deprive and starve them of it. Your love is that good, that delicious. But…” Suna paused, lips pressing on Atsumu's forehead. “You should give that love to yourself… Eat it, and taste it. Wallow in its sweet and savory flavor… Because that way, you can finally feel the taste that makes you crave for life.” Why did Atsumu start thinking of leaving when people made him feel sad? He always threatened to end his life when Osamu said he didn't need friends. He threatened to end his life when his Ma worried that he wasn't doing well. It was a natural defense mechanism of his mind that formed when people made him feel guilty. Guilt made Atsumu crave for a release. He felt guilty that Osamu and his Ma pitied him. He felt guilty that he made Shinsuke feel unworthy. He felt guilty that he made Kiyoomi feel suffocated. Guilt made him want to die. Of course, everyone feels that way. Guilt makes you feel the most painful phantom pain you want to escape. Guilt is the truest feeling one can feel after hurting a love they swore to keep grounded and innocent. So, making comments like that became a defense mechanism. A negative one. It was his last shield using his arms so he won't have to suffer seeing others feel bad for him. It was like hiding his eyes behind his palms so he won't feel guilty for making people feel bad. But, he doesn't know how that only scares the people around him. It scares them into silence which only leads to a situation where a clogged drain finally stops draining the water, causing the whole room to fill up with dirty dishwater that the drain was supposed to dispose of. And now, Atsumu's here listening to a person who forcefully pried those hands away from his eyes. He was forced to look into Suna's eyes after those painful experiences of eating Atsumu's love. He suffocated, starved, felt full, and felt content. Suna experienced all that, not once, but more than twice already. Yet, he still stayed. Someone who wasn't Osamu or his Ma stayed. Someone loved Atsumu and his boat to the sea like love. Suna stares at Atsumu for what felt like forever. His heart was pounding so loud. He never breathed air so clearly before. It made him feel alive. Loving Atsumu made him want to breathe. With Atsumu's sweet and savory taste on his tongue. In the best of times possible. He realizes his reality. Nothing's fun when he kept denying his love for Atsumu. “What we did… Was wrong, in my eyes.” Atsumu spoke in a voice comparable to that of a whisper. “But, I forgive ya… Because I feel like it was somethin’ that can be forgiven. It was bad, for sure ‘cause it escalated with ya… But, that was my fault too. I'm sorry, Rintarou…” Suna laughed softly as he pressed his lips on Atsumu's forehead once again. “You don't have to apologize for anything, but I forgive you.” A moment of silence settled between them. Suna buried his nose in Atsumu's hair. Atsumu rested his head on Suna's chest, listening to the fox's heartbeat. “I like you, Atsumu…” Suna confessed. Atsumu pulled away, eyes locking in with Suna's again. “I…” He muttered. “I can't accept that… I'm sorry, Rin…” Suna had to admit, he predicted that that would be what Atsumu says. It wasn't surprising, but it hurt him. “It's okay. I, uh… I just wanted to get that out there.” The fox chuckled awkwardly. Atsumu bit his lip as his eyes squinted in the threat of tears. “But… Ya need to continue what ya started. I'm not gonna threaten to kill myself if you… like, stay, I guess…?” Suna raised his brow in confusion. “I'm gonna live. I'm gonna live my best life, and ya've gotta watch it knowin’ that yer a part of it. If not, ya still gotta watch knowin' ya ain't a part of that. Just, give Us time…” From feelings suppressed with the help of drugs in order to avoid facing reality. To those drugs being the cause of truths being revealed that lead to a fucked up reality. Suna and Atsumu came a long way of facing the Tragedy of Sobriety. Being sober was tragic because everything you felt was real. But, Atsumu was kind of happy that he was sober right now. So was Suna. “Sure… One day, I'm gonna confess again… And, I better see a living and happy Atsumu.” Suna grinned at the blond. “I better get a taste of yer love too, then. Ya look like yer already full of mine.” Atsumu laughed at the sight of the fox. Suna was already so full of it. That confession was just the process of shitting it out in his own form of love. It was so fun to love Atsumu. He had such a thin layer like a potato. Inside tasted so sweet and savory… Kissing him was truthfully the best thing he'd consider wrong, other than smoking weed at this point. Atsumu was the best drug he's ever gotten addicted to. He had every after effect of one, too. Atsumu was the best thing that could kill Suna. Loving Atsumu was the best thing that Suna has ever gotten addicted to. It made his heart beat faster than the bullet trains they had in Japan. Loving Atsumu was the air he needed to breathe to motivate his dried heart to keep beating. He liked the feeling of a palpitating heart if it was Atsumu that caused it. A feeling Mary couldn't replicate no matter what. That's why he started to enjoy not being sober. It somehow felt like Atsumu. Mary made it hard to breathe, it made his heart beat rapidly, and it was as addicting as staring at Atsumu with need. But this was the best scenario that could end in feeling the true beating of a heart caused by Atsumu. It was the best to feel Atsumu when sober, anyway. Atsumu was a fun reality. Liking Atsumu with no guilt was a reality Suna finds fun. And he made sure that it was that way. Some things are fun when they're real. ☏