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On Wednesdays, Jiang and Kavinsky have the fourth period free, and they usually spend it outside by the parking lot, smoking. By then, Kavinsky was awake enough to contribute to the conversation – unlike in the mornings – and it was actually quite hard to get him to stop talking.Today, however, he’s leaning against the hood of the Mitsu, cigarette between his lips, sunglasses on despite the overcast day, pointedly silent.Jiang has been around him long enough to know that he only gets quiet when something’s wrong, but it’s hard to figure out whether it’s something banal or serious. If he pushes, and K starts yelling, it’s fine. If he pushes, and K remains calm, it’s worse.He stays quiet and hopes K will offer him some kind of clue, but K keeps smoking in stone silence, expression unreadable.Jiang lasts maybe ten minutes before he sighs and asks: “Okay, what’s wrong?”K inclines his head in Jiang’s direction, but Jiang has no idea if he’s actually looking at him. Stupid reflective sunglasses. “What do you mean?”Jiang scoffs. “You haven’t said a word to me since we got here.”K shrugs. Jiang has the urge to take the sunglasses off for him, but he chickens out. The only person Jiang has ever seen do that is, predictably, Prokopenko, who apparently lacked any survival instincts. Jiang knows that K wouldn’t do anything to him, but still.He doesn’t expect K to say anything else, but when he gets to the end of his cigarette, he flicks it on the ground, lights another one and in an awfully casual tone says: “My father called.”Jiang freezes. He has absolutely no idea how to react to that and acutely wishes for Proko to be there. “Is he… is he coming over?” He tries unsurely.K nods tensely.“When?”“Tonight.”Shit. “Oh.”K laughs at his face. “Relax, it’s not that big of a deal,” he says which is a lie and they both know it. Jiang has seen the damage K’s father was able to do in the past.“Are you going to stay with Proko in the dorms?” He would offer him his own dorm, but he doubts his roommate would be happy at the prospect of Joseph Kavinsky of all people staying over.K shakes his head.Jiang expected that much. He knows this is exactly the scenario where he shouldn’t push, but he still asks: “Why not?”K gives him an unamused look for that. “Jesus, you’re like a broken fucking record, you and Proko both.”“Maybe we just care about your safety.”K sighs. “Listen, I’ve had enough of these fights with Proko before and I’m inevitably gonna fight with him about it again, so how about you just stay out of it?”It’s not quite what Jiang expected to hear. Kavinsky doesn’t even sound mad, he just sounds tired, and Jiang doesn’t know how to react. His initial reaction is to be angry, because how dare K to tell him that? But he knows anger is a secondary emotion and that he actually feels hurt. Is he not worth the argument? Is only Proko allowed to fight with him about the important things? Does K not care about his opinion on the matter? K sounded like he didn’t even consider how badly that was worded, and somehow that makes it even worse. K was mean often enough, but he was rarely cruel.If Proko were there, he would’ve noticed and called K out on it, but he’s not here, so Jiang has to do it himself. “If you wanted me to stay out of it, you never should’ve started dating me,” he hisses.K pushes the sunglasses up and rubs his eyes, clearly done with this argument and Jiang has a sudden vivid image of him agreeing and saying that yes, he never should’ve started dating him in the first place.Thankfully, K doesn’t say that. His reaction is much more predictable. “I’m tired of having the same arguments. How about you just tell Proko the news yourself and you can be mad together, yeah? Good.”Jiang is nowhere near being done with the argument and he wants to scream at K that neither he nor Proko are mad, but concerned, and yes, there’s a fucking difference, but K’s already stubbing his cigarette and walking away, making it clear he’s done talking.Jiang curses quietly and lights another cigarette to calm down.…Proko only catches up with Jiang at the end of the school day. He’s more than ready to get out of school, spend the afternoon at K’s house doing nothing, and maybe finally figure out why K’s being so weird today. “Have you talked to K today? I feel like he’s avoiding me,” he says as they’re walking towards the parking lot.Jiang winces. “His father’s coming over today.”It takes Proko a few seconds to process the words. He stops in his tracks and turns to face Jiang. “What?”“Yeah, he told me in the morning.”“How long has he known about it?”“I don’t know.”When Proko scans the parking lot, he realises the Mitsu is already gone. Un-fucking-believable. “I’m gonna kill him,” he mumbles angrily. “Have you yelled at him?” He asks Jiang.Jiang grimaces. “We’ve… argued.”Proko has no idea what to take from that. He presses the bridge of his nose between his fingers and sighs. There’s nothing he can do about it now. “Okay. Let’s get something to eat and then we can just stay in my dorm tonight.”Jiang stares at him. “What about K?”“What about him?”“We’re not gonna do anything?”“Like what?”“I don’t know. We could go to his house, refuse to leave him alone?”Proko sighs again. “That would only make things worse, trust me.”At least Jiang has enough sense not to argue further. He falls silent for a moment, then asks, in a much softer tone: “Have you ever met him? K’s father?”Proko involuntarily shudders at the memory. “Yeah, a couple times.”“And?”“I don’t know how to describe it, really. Just… He’s the only thing K has ever been scared of.”“Christ.”Proko doesn’t want to think about it too deeply, not now, not when K is under the same roof as his father and Proko is on the other side of town, unable to do anything. Instead, he makes a beeline for Jiang’s Supra and forces himself to think about what he’d want to eat, despite the fact, that he feels like throwing up.Jiang gives him one long lingering look but doesn’t say anything, reassuring or not, and Proko’s glad for it.They end up in Nino’s because it’s comforting and they’re predictable. They talk about stupid things, avoiding serious topics, but Proko can’t quite stop thinking about K, and when Jiang goes to the bathroom, Proko caves in and calls him.K picks up on the first ring. “Yes?”Proko has no problem picking up on the fact, that his voice is unusually quiet. “Is he already there?”“Yeah.”“Are you okay?”“Yeah.” Small wins , Proko thinks. “Okay. Good. Why haven’t you told me about this sooner?”K sighs. “It wouldn’t have changed anything anyway. Listen, I have to go.”Proko could point out that Jiang wasn’t his fucking messenger boy, but he doesn’t want to fight right now, especially over the phone, so he lets it slide aside. “Call me if anything, yeah?”“Yeah. Bye.”Proko suppresses the instinct to tell him he loves him because that feels way too fucking sentimental. “Bye.”He does his best to compose his face into a neutral expression for Jiang, but based on Jiang’s questioning look, he did a shitty job. He shakes his head in dismissal, and Jiang is kind enough not to ask.Swan and Skov are already occupying the dorm, but they take one look at the two of them and don’t ask where K is or why they aren’t with him.They curl up on Proko’s small bed and Jiang queues a TV show they’ve been watching but Proko only half-pays attention to it.Skov and Swan watch one episode with them, then go on some date thing they have planned and Proko doesn’t know whether he should be relieved they’re gone.Jiang rests his chin on Proko’s shoulder. “Should I ask if you’re okay?”Proko sighs, leaning against him. “I’m fine, just worried.”Jiang closes the laptop, puts it aside, and very unsubtly puts his hand on Proko’s inner thigh. “The best I can offer is a distraction.”Proko laughs but it’s not such a terrible idea. He’d prefer not to have sex in the dorms, but beggars can’t be choosers. “A distraction sounds nice.”Jiang grins victoriously and climbs into his lap. He brushes Proko’s hair out of his face, his touch impossibly gentle, and kisses him.Proko closes his eyes, tangles his fingers in Jiang’s hair and lets him do whatever he wants.Afterwards, they have a shower and watch two more episodes of the TV show before Jiang’s eyelids start dropping and he falls asleep practically as soon as his head hits the pillow. He’s like Kavinsky, easily tired out with sex. Proko envies them both.He doesn’t sleep much. He spends the night lying on his back, holding Jiang, tracing mindless patterns across his bare back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about K. He finally drifts off towards the morning and is rudely awakened by his alarm at crisp seven o’clock.Jiang takes one look at his tired face, sighs, and shuffles around the room to make some instant coffee.They make a detour to the parking lot to see the Mitsu, but it’s absent from its usual spot.“He’s probably just late,” Proko says and Jiang nods, but there’s a worried crease between Jiang’s eyebrows, and he tugs nervously at his earring, an anxious habit Proko has seen him do countless times before, that does nothing to ease his worry.“I have a modern history with him the third period,” Jiang says.Proko nods and they walk to school in silence. Proko barely pays attention to his lessons. He texts K if he’s okay but gets no response. He consoles himself that he’s probably just asleep, ignoring his phone. It’s fine. They’ve been through this before. He’s fine.After the third period, Jiang catches him in the hallway. “He wasn’t in class,” he says, unable to keep the worry out of his voice, the grip he has on Proko’s arm borderline painful. “Has he texted you? Anything?”Proko shakes his head. “He’s probably just sleeping,” he assures him.“Call him.”“Now?”“Yes.”“Okay.”They go to the bathroom, effectively scaring some first years, who quickly scramble out of their way. Proko dials K’s number, but they get only the automated response: “The person you’re trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later.”“Fuck,” Proko curses softly. “His phone is probably dead.”“We’re driving there,” Jiang announces firmly.Proko gazes at him, and when he sees the determined look in his eyes, he sighs. “Yeah, let’s go.”Proko prays to all gods that K’s father will be already gone because he has no idea how he’d be able to convince Jiang not to barge inside and do something stupid. Fortunately, when they pull to K’s house, the only car in the driveway is the Mitsu.The inside of the house is a mess of broken glass and turned-over furniture. Jiang curses quietly when he sees the state of the living room and Proko doesn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s most likely K’s doing.“Joey?” Proko calls softly.Predictably, he doesn’t get a response, but they find K quite easily, sitting on the floor in the kitchen, looking tired but mostly unharmed. There’s a small cut on his cheekbone that was probably caused by some stray piece of glass, and his knuckles are bloody, but that was a normal occurrence. He looks up at their arrival. There’s blood on his too-expensive T-shirt.Jiang stays frozen by the kitchen door but Proko crouches to K, checking for signs of other injuries. “Are you hurt?”K ignores the question. “Why did you bring him here?” He asks, switching to Bulgarian, his eyes fixed on Jiang, still standing a few feet away from them, unsure what to do.Proko blinks, but obediently switches to Ukrainian, mostly to spare Jiang’s feelings. “We were worried about you. You didn’t come to school, and I tried to call you, but the call didn’t go through…”
“Make him leave.”
Proko sighs. “You can’t just push him away like that.”K finally meets his eyes. His own eyes are bloodshot. “Ilya, please.”Proko sighs and turns to Jiang. He has no idea what to say to him. “Jay.”“Yeah?”“Do you think you could go and get us something to eat?” It’s a lame excuse and he prays Jiang won’t question it. If they really needed food, they could just order it.Jiang gives him a long lingering look, but he nods and leaves without another word.Proko turns his attention back to Kavinsky. “Let’s go wash away the blood.”K doesn’t protest when Proko helps him up, and they walk together to the upstairs bathroom. Proko forces him into the shower and only after all the dried blood is gone, does he start bothering with disinfection. K assures him multiple times that it’s unnecessary, but they’ve had this argument many times before, so it just feels like they’re replaying the same scene again and Proko finds the predictability almost comforting.“Have you slept at all?” He asks K.K shakes his head. “Have you?”“A little.”K rolls his eyes, takes his hand and tugs him in the direction of his bedroom. Proko doesn’t really want to go to sleep now, knowing Jiang will be back soon and he’ll have to deal with him and the mess downstairs, but K offers no room for protests.They climb into K’s gigantic bed and K curls close to him, closing his eyes. Proko combs his fingers through K’s wet hair until it dries. He has every intention of leaving when K falls asleep, but the bed is comfortable and he’s tired and he knows K is finally safe and he allows himself to drift off.He only wants to take a little nap, ten, maybe twenty minutes, but he startles awake two hours later. K is dead asleep next to him, his face relaxed. At least something.He carefully detangles himself from the blankets and K’s arms and goes downstairs. He finds Jiang mopping up the blood stains from the kitchen floor, the rest of the mess already neatly cleaned up.“You didn’t have to clean it,” he says softly, despite having precisely the same intention.“It’s fine,” Jiang says tonelessly. “It’s not like K wanted me anywhere near him anyway.” He looks up from the mop. “How is he?”“Fine. He’s asleep.”“If he wanted me to leave, you could’ve just told me so.”Of course, Jiang saw right through his poor excuse. Proko sighs and takes the mop from his hands. “It’s not that he doesn’t want you here. He just doesn’t want you to see this part of him. It took him ages before he stopped pushing me away. Just give it time.”Jiang nods. “Okay. Thanks.”Proko offers him a small smile. “Would you like me to stay here with you?”Jiang shakes his head. “Go back to K. He shouldn’t be alone. I’ll just… do my homework or some shit.”“Okay,” Proko agrees but he doesn’t move. “Jay.”“Hm?”“I love you.”Jiang looks up sharply, as if afraid he misheard. He searches his face for a moment, then smiles a little. “I love you too.”Proko grins, kisses him on the cheek and lets him have the mop back.…Jiang has his stupid homework spread out on the dining room table, but he can hardly focus. He’s still thinking about Kavinsky and Proko and how casually Proko said that he loves him, like he didn’t completely tilt Jiang’s world’s axis.He tries to do the homework, he really does, but in the end, he gives up and relocates to the couch. He hasn’t slept much either. He woke up in the early morning, too worried about K to fall back asleep. He turns on the TV but doesn’t bother picking out a specific channel. He just needs a background noise. He doesn’t quite sleep, but he closes his eyes and allows himself to relax for a while.He doesn’t know how much time passes when he hears someone walk down the stairs. He assumes it’s Proko, checking up on him again, but when he lifts himself on his elbows to look over the couch, he sees K, dressed in Proko’s sleeping shorts and Jiang’s T-shirt, descending the stairs.When he sees Jiang, he gives him an unimpressed look but joins him on the couch. “You’re still here?”“Do you want me to leave?” Jiang asks bitterly and sits up.“If I did, would you?” K asks and smirks at Jiang’s sullen expression. “That’s what I thought.”Jiang throws his hands up in frustration. “You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you for thinking you can just push me away whenever you want. I’m not going to leave you just because things go to shit, okay? Actually, I’m not going to leave you, period. Is that so fucking hard to understand?” He’s distantly aware that he’s yelling, but he’s too fucking angry to care. “I fucking love you, alright?”K is staring at him with wide eyes and Jiang realises what he’s just said. He blames it entirely on Proko, but he can hardly back out now. “I love you,” he repeats, more calmly this time. “And I’m not leaving.”K is silent for a moment and Jiang refuses to be anxious about it. So what that he just declared his love for him? It’s fine. Totally fine. Right?“Did you know that the first time Proko told me he loves me, we were both drunk?” K says with a hint of a smile.“Okay?” Jiang says unsurely.“I just think it’s funny, getting one love confession when he was drunk and getting another when you’re angry. Do you think it should count?”Jiang mostly wants to ask him what the fuck is he talking about. “Yes, I think it should, when the person means it, which Proko obviously did and so do I.”K nods pensively. He meets his eyes and chuckles at Jiang’s baffled face. “I love you too, you know. I’m not just pushing you away for the fun of it.”Jiang sighs. “I know. Are you feeling any better?”“Yeah.”“Proko is asleep?”K nods.“Good. He didn’t sleep much last night. He was worried. We both were.”“Do you wanna go upstairs?” K asks then and laughs when Jiang gives him a questioning look. “What? You made a big dramatic speech about not leaving, so you might as well join us and get some sleep.”Jiang can’t help but laugh too. “You’re such an asshole, do you know that?”K only grins. “Too bad you love me.”Too fucking bad indeed.