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It was late, but Larry knew the gate code to get into the pool at Don’s apartment complex. Don had shared it a year and a half ago, back when Larry was sleeping on couches and in steam tunnels. Don had even said, as he scribbled the five digits down, and you can use this to swim any time. It's the resident code for my unit so it won't change like the guest codes do. My rent includes pool upkeep so someone I know oughta be enjoying it.In the dark of the night, the bright clear blue of the under lit pool called to Larry like a siren’s song. He left his towel and robe and flip flops on a chair and eased down the steps of the shallow end, sitting on the bottom one and laying back into the embrace of the water. Larry enjoyed this pool; it was salt water rather than chlorine. Made for better floating.Better thinking in the quiet hours of the night.***Don couldn't sleep. Yesterday, he and Robin had a fight. Their last fight, probably.For once, though battling insomnia, Don did not have his television on, blasting whatever late night sports reruns he could find. For once, he was allowing the silence of the small hours. The contemplation that came with them. But that didn't mean he was also sitting still.He wandered from room to room in his apartment, his thoughts doing something similar in his mind. Room to room he went, work to family to desire, to self truths…Stopping at the window, he looked down onto the neighborhood pool, expecting to find a serene white and blue gem in the night. He was surprised to see the silhouette of someone floating in the shallow end, face up, arms and legs idly swishing back and forth in a slow and pensive way.He smiled.***The scrape of a shoe on concrete startled Larry seconds before a familiar voice said, “Larry, it's two am, what are you doing in my pool?”“Hmm,” Larry answered, relaxing back into his drift. “I often float in this pool and contemplate the Boson particle at this hour, and for months now, have been largely unmolested for it, so the better question is, what are you doing awake enough to catch me?”“Robin and I broke up.”“Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry. I was given to understand from wayward comments that you and she were making a real go of it. A significant measure of growth on your part.”A scoff and then the sound of disturbed water. Larry sat up and looked around to find Don in swimming trunks wading into the pool, another robe and flip flops lay with Larry's on the nearby chair. Don’s expression was pinched.“Given our most recent one-on-one conversation, may I infer that your search for a higher spiritual meaning is the cause of this fracture?”Don sat beside him on the bottom step and leaned backwards, letting his legs drift out alongside Larry's. He smacked his lips, breathed out a soft, sad. “Yeah.”“My heart goes to you, Donald. I myself, as you well know, chose to undertake a tremendous spiritual journey recently. Little did I know when I embarked upon it that I would inspire the love of my life to move across the continent and self actualize in a way that did not include me.”“Ah, man. I kinda thought you and Megan were doing the long distance thing?”“It was, I believe, our gentle way of trying not to let it hurt too much. But the writing was on the wall.”Don inhaled and then exhaled with an emphatic, mopey, “Sucks.”Larry chuckled. “To put it inelegantly, yes. It sucks.”“You know what the weirdest part is?” Don asked, “Robin is sort of why I’ve been looking for God. Before her, you know, I never had anything so… real. Anything meant to last. She and I, we’ve had this history of coming together and running away and this time…. I guess, I thought we were finally doing it right. We were talking. We were planning on staying together. I started to feel…”“Larger than yourself.”Don flapped his lips on an exhale, “First time in my life. Ever. And I admit, it was scary. And now I'm some kind of asshole for turning to a higher power just to have something to lean on?”“You're not an asshole, Donald.”“I am, though. When Robin found out I joined a temple, you know the first words out of her mouth? Some joke about how she's afraid of me turning into a fiddler on the roof.”Larry grunted, tore his eyes from the heavens and sat up, “No.”Don’s lips were a tight line. His eyes skyward. “Yes.”Larry blinked, eased back into the water in stunned surprise. “I've met Robin. Hard to imagine an intelligent woman like her being so blatantly anti-Semitic!”“I hear that kind of stuff more often than you think,” Don grumbled, “but never from her. It actually felt like a kick to the gut when she said it, I'm telling you. Then she quotes some guy, something about how religion is the end of all wisdom.”Larry intoned, “My God, you think you know a person.”“Yeah, and that's why I'm an asshole, Lare, I ignored it. I talked to my dad, downplayed her reaction a bit like all she did was, you know, balk at the idea of religion.”“How generous of you.”“I wanted to give her slack, I guess. Because at the end of the day, I get where she's coming from. I actually see a lot of my old self in her. I used to dismiss God right out of hand, too, you know? So when I talked to my Dad, he talked about him and my mom and their differences, made it feel like there was no reason I couldn't still build a strong relationship, a viable life, with Robin just because we have different perspectives.”“Mixed faith marriages have been known to work, for sure.”“But get this, Larry. Robin bought us these tickets to a, uh, a debate between a rabbi and a lawyer on ethics and morality. I thought hell yeah, this is going to be fun.”Larry made a delighted hiccup sound, “A rabbi and a lawyer debate! Now, I would have quite liked to attend such a meeting of minds. Was it an engaging discussion?”“Absolutely, I mean I loved it. I thought she did too, but we get home and suddenly we're arguing. She kept wanting to reiterate the lawyer's side of the debate. She wouldn't let it go. It's like she only ever bought those tickets as a way to snap me out of it and make me see reason.”“How unfortunate.”“Yeah. It just became crystal clear to me that I don't need someone who's going to withdraw from me every time I try to express some sense of spiritual peace, or challenge me if I say anything that makes her uncomfortable.”“A valid personal rule.”“Those mixed faith marriages, right? They have to have built some kind of medium ground in their relationship, some place where each person is allowed to just be whatever they are with no push back from the other one.”“Absolutely. A quest for spiritual peace requires, well. Peace.”“Maybe I should book myself into that monastery, huh?”“Perhaps. Floating is good, too, though.”***Don floated. He let a lull fall which stretched into a long, deep comfortable silence as he bobbed in the water next to his friend.Having talked it out a little, he felt better. He felt in his heart that he was moving toward something he needed, he just wished he didn't have to let go of Robin to get there. Because, honestly, that hurt like hell.But how could he possibly build what he needed to build in himself if, while he was bending over backwards to put in the hard work of self actualization, he was with
a woman who was, frankly, a lingering reflection of his old self? Just like he used to be, she was skittish of commitment, a workaholic, and a control freak with trust issues.He had thought the similarities were a good thing; it meant they knew each other better than anyone else. It had given him the courage to leap. That leap had made him curious about the sky and how to fly, and so he was putting the work in. Changing himself for the better. But what was she doing other than planning on going into corporate law for the money and otherwise unwilling to change anything else but her last name?“I'm pruning,” Larry said into the quiet.Don stood when Larry did and wiped the tears off his cheeks, a little embarrassed. Had Larry seen? If he had, he was being a damn good guy about it.“Did you drive that antique Ford here?” Don asked as they shrugged into their robes.“Of course.”“Don't get the seat wet. Come upstairs.”“Much appreciated, actually. It's nearly half past two already. Passed my bedtime. I don't usually swim for so long.”Don smiled, “You call that swimming?”***Larry was more than happy to accept the invitation. Of all the couches he had slept on during his stint of having no earthly address, Don’s had been a favorite, and it really was past his bedtime, so he was eager to get to that couch and settle in.
Upstairs, Don let him go first, and he showered quickly. When he opened the shower curtain, Don was in the bathroom and stepping out of his trunks. Larry averted his eyes and hurried out of the way as a naked Don moved right past him and into the shower.
Don’s locker room mentality, his utter lack of puritan shame over the nude form, had been something of a shock the first time Larry ever stayed over. This time, he did not so much as bat an eyelash. He did, however, have the inconveniently intrusive thoughts that they were both single and it had been far too long since he'd engaged in homoerotic exploration.In keeping with the locker room boundaries they had established on his last stay, Larry felt no need to hurry out of the bathroom. He dressed in some clothes from the bag he'd retrieved from his car and performed his nightly oral hygiene regimen.The shower cut off, and the curtain swished open. Larry was bent over the sink with his mouth open, only half way through flossing his back molars. He tried not to look in the mirror for an eyeful of Don’s body. He tried, but did not succeed. And—Don caught him looking.Something inside Larry seized with a terror he hadn't felt since he was in a highschool locker room after gym class, suffering the indignity of being an awkward young man in a sea of boastful athletic young studs. Never ever stare. That was the one rule. And he just broke it.But Don, drying off, smiled and said, “Larry, I never knew! How interesting!”Larry fumbled the floss and shook it loose, eyes avoiding the mirror. “Hm? I'm sorry, Donald. I don't –”“Ah, come on. Stop. I know what I saw. It's cool. Actually, we can mess around if you want to. It's been a long time for me. But maybe some guy action is what I need right now.”Larry turned, feeling warm and trapped but not necessarily in trouble. Don was naked, smiling and not using his towel to be modest.
“That has got to be the most unique sexual proposition I've ever heard,” Larry said.Don’s smile was ear to ear, and he jumped a shoulder. “So I'm not naturally romantic. Sue me.”“I must warn you, I haven't had Guy Action, as you so eloquently put it, since my undergraduate stint at Princeton.”“Yeah, I haven't since Quantico.”“But my graduation was a lot longer ago than yours.”“Ah. What, by like twelve years. Big whup.”“Fifteen.”“C'mon. It'll be like riding a bike.”They migrated upstairs into the open loft bedroom. Larry felt a pool of desire spreading throughout his being, but anxiety had equal measure. Don’s movements took on a sensual quality, and his eyes became hooded, breath rougher and incredibly loud in the ringing silence of the apartment.Don peeled back covers, slid between the sheets and gave Larry space to join. He twitched his fingers invitingly. Larry gulped, hesitated. Don reached for a remote.“Want to put on a movie or something?” he asked. The TV blinked on. Don punched exact buttons that selected Cinemax. The skin flick filled the silence with the sounds of scripted passion. Larry's trepidation halved. While not his usual entertainment of choice, man could not live on MythBusters and ESPN alone.His attention snagged on the screen. “My word… y’know when I gave up television along with my other worldly possessions, I was pacified by the fact that I could catch games and daily news at Charlie's house. I somehow completely forgot what wonders could be found while late night channel surfing...”“You forgot porn was a thing?”“I did.”Don chuckled warmly as Larry crawled into the bed. He had the nerve to settle closer to Don than the edge of the mattress, and saw in the ambient flash of TV light the way Don rolled his lips in his teeth to keep from smiling too much. They lay side by side, biceps grazing, and caught up to the plot, such as it was. The asinine storyline made Larry roll his eyes, and Don cracked a joke, and the next thing Larry knew, he could feel Don's laughter vibrating in his chest because they were that much closer. And kissing.Larry detected the trace flavor of juicy fruit chewing gum on Don's thin, smooth lips. He chased it, boldy licking into Don's mouth, and received more than tongue. Don emitted the softest of noises, a completely involuntary sound of surrender.Calloused hands roamed over Larry's ribs, down his back, groped his bottom, dragging his hips closer. Don had flung his knees wide, offering a comfortable cradle for Larry to settle himself, groin first, against freshly washed, warm pubes and a wakeful cock. Larry wheeled back in alarm.“Smatter, Larry. Too fast?”“No… Perhaps. Forgive me. But I was, until this moment, envisioning myself as the receiver.”“Oh,” Don smiled. “Right. Well. I was kinda thinking we would switch.”“By all means,” Larry said. Don grunted and resumed kissing, but Larry felt compelled to speak when his lips were free to move. “Only keep in mind–I’m at that age–where I’m afraid–I won't have very much bounce back for extra rounds.”The kisses stopped, because Don was smiling too wide, and he rumbled. “Aaah. Ok. So we flip flop.”“Flip flop?”“Yeah. Y'know. Take turns until we cum. Whoa, hello!” Don lifted his head to see past Larry's shoulder. “We got girl on girl!”Larry squawked, and they repositioned to better see the screen. Never his proudest moment, but Larry watched without blinking. The visuals concocted on the screen certainly did as intended, and they took full advantage of it for the necessary prep.
Half of Larry's brain still couldn't believe this was actually happening, and yet Don yielded to him. The mechanics came easily. The pleasure, unrivaled.***Don liked this side of Larry. The man often to be found with his eyes unfocused while in deep contemplation, now had a searing gaze focused on Don. And maybe it was a physicist thing, but Larry found optimum angles and amazing torque. The acute pleasure buzzed through Don like a damn table saw, and he couldn't help but shout. The only coherent words he managed were profanity, and when Larry suddenly pulled out, Don wailed,“Wha–wha are you–? What's wrong?”Larry’s brows dipped in an expression of bewilderment, and only then did Don recognize that it was his turn to pitch. He laughed at himself and hastened into position, kissed Larry to coat over the blunder. Up on his knees, he had a new perspective. His mind focused up, but his stretched hole felt strangely hollow as he lined up and entered Larry.The room seemed much quieter than before. Gasps. Grunts. The TV sounds (rolling credits by now). Larry grabbed Don by the ears, kissed him deeply, and asked; just a question mark sound. Don nodded, rumbled something sexy. Larry's eyebrows dipped again.“Wha?” Don asked, feeling self conscious. He knew he had the angle right, he could read it on Larry's oh so responsive skin. So why was he not into this?Larry caressed Don’s neck, speaking cautiously, strained by the pleasure, “Whatever happened to those erotic sounds you were making for me, Donald?”“Huh?” Don puffed, skin blistering. “Shut up.”Larry's eyes sparked. “But I so like to hear your enjoyment.”Don would have laughed if his lungs were working. But they were kind of tripped up right now, what with his established rhythm and sudden embarrassment. He tried to sound off, throat crackling. He gulped and shut the hell up; kissed Larry instead.Larry hummed and caressed his skull as their bodies rocked together, but too soon, Don had to lever back up for the best angle. So now he was technically free to deliver dirty talk, but he was drawing a blank. (Was it weirdly quiet? Why wasn't another movie starting?) And why was it on him to make all the noise? He hefted Larry's thick thighs, rumbling. “It's your turn to make the neighbors complain, baby.”He doubled his efforts, and learned two things. Larry would do anything for him. But he did not know how to use swear words.
Don tried not to laugh but some of it was just too funny. Larry flung his arm over his eyes. “Alright, alright. So I'm a quiet lover. So sue me.”Don chuckled and kissed him, and gave him a long slow thrust. His nipples tightened, his body quaked, dick seeping precum. “S'okay, baby. What you're doing is better than someone faking it.”Larry hummed and tapped out, squirming back to the top position. Don yielded, responding to his eagerness, and amused by the clear shift he saw happening behind Larry's eyes as the man went from passive to dominating. A little shiver squirreled through Don.“Now to test my hypothesis,” Larry said, lining up.Don opened his mouth to ask, but Larry's sudden intrusion diverted all thought. Red hot sensation over nerves left alone just long enough to become extra sensitive flooded Don's consciousness. Flattened him. He didn't know what was up from down.Larry exclaimed something, but to hell if Don could even hear it over the thunder of his own pulse in his ears. He nodded and tugged at Larry until they were moving again. And the world caught fire.Talk about getting just what he needed. The acute pleasure struck right through a numb center that had been worrying him for a while now. He felt like he was in his skin again. More than that. He was alive with possibility.It was probably time to flip, but he held Larry close. “Don't stop. Don't stop.”Larry shook his head and maintained the pace. Don writhed and wailed. It just came out of him, like some kind of deep valve no one ever talks about opened. A torrent of pressure rocketed up and out. He broke .***In what was perhaps the greatest feat he ever accomplished, Larry Flienhardt outlasted Don Eppes in a flip flop coupling. By only a centisecond, the human reflex response time to visual stimuli, but still. Larry drove deep and filled his condom with every bell and whistle in his mind sounding.Divinity. The universe's ideal and central form of energy. Who was to say moments such as these did not unlock such power? Larry contemplated this until he felt the world move. Don shifted beneath him.“Hot damn.”“Indeed. I must confess that, like late night adult programming, I seriously misremembered Guy Action.”Don laughed. “I know I did…. I think I was a little bit too eager to just write it off as a phase, put it all away too soon or something, what about you?”“Same.”They got comfortable, cleaned up. Don started channel surfing in a lazy way, but his lips suddenly parted, and he asked, “Did Megan know?”“Of course. It's no secret, though it hasn't come up in years….I mentioned it once to Charles, and it made him so uncomfortable the topic never came up again.”“Huh. Yeah. I guess that's why I never told him.”“Have you told anyone?”“I told my mom right after I started exploring in college... I dunno. Maybe I was just trying to get her attention.”Larry's eyes popped wide. “Is that what she said?”“No. She said… she said she wasn't surprised, because I have such a beautiful smile it would turn any head.”Larry relaxed, and chuckled, and traced the shape of Don’s broad smile, getting his fingers nipped at in the process. “And that is true. But for me, there is just something about your arms.”“These arms? You like these guns?”“Yes, yes, I do. Very much.”Don scooped him close and gave him a tight squeeze, and Larry went pliant against his chest, floating in a new way. “Hmm.”“Hmm,” Don echoed, before falling asleep. His lips parted, and he started snoring, but his arms stayed fairly secure around Larry, who yawned and settled in for the scant hours of sleep they would get before work in the morning.
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It became a regular thing for Don to check out his window every evening. And about once a week, usually around ten at night, he would find Larry floating in the serenity of the pool. Don always joined him for an hour or so. Usually they floated in silence. Sometimes they discussed whatever case Larry happened to have recently helped work on. Sometimes he listened to whatever was on Larry's mind—even if Don didn't actually understand it. And sometimes Don would simply swim some laps while Larry bobbed in the shallow end.They always retired upstairs, showered off and ended up in Don’s bed.Don did not concern himself with how easily he let dick become a habit. What he and Larry did felt good, and it was fun, and it didn't mess anything up. So why not? It beat being alone.***Larry, meanwhile, tried not to compare himself to a stray cat who was fed once and will forever return in hopes of scraps. But how else to describe the desire that plagued him? He yearned for frequent repetition of that first glorious night of contemplation followed by comradery and climax.He delighted in the achy, anticipatory tremble in his gut each time he punched in Don's gate code to the pool. So much so that he had to put himself on a diet. A strict one. Or the addict in him would lose himself in the pursuit of that elusive freedom he had felt that first night.Once a week, he promised. You can have a taste once a week, but you have to focus on work the rest of the time.He genuinely did need at least an hour or so of a good float to settle his thoughts, to allow the curls of his theoretical mind to unfurl and reach beyond the mundane, the regular, the expected and into that vast unknown place of mystery… and then, after a good think, if he indulged in some harmless messing around, as Don described it, who could blame him?The second one out of the shower, as usual, Don entered the loft bedroom naked one evening. After ten weeks of this easy little routine between them, Larry felt at home enough to have already helped himself to the bed, the remote. Cinemax was already playing and Larry had already been drawn into it.Don chuckled, moving across the room in that sensual way of his, climbing naked into bed. “Starting without me?”Larry no longer cared about the story on the screen. Eyes only on Don, he said, “I'm compelled to admit I actually started in the pool.”Don’s laugh was carefree, delighted. “Oh, yeah?”“Watching you swim those laps…” Larry confessed.“Hm?” Don inquired, kissing him, asking lowly, “Made you hard?” As they kissed, Don slid down to lay under Larry and as he did so, made one of those soft sounds that Larry craved.“You are quite the specimen, Donald. Athletic, graceful. Powerful.”Flattered, Don had creases at the corners of his slitted eyes and his nose wrinkled, “Aw, c’mon, I was just showing off for you.”“No, you're incredible every second of every day, regardless of my observation.”“Well, I guess it's only your observation that makes me feel how incredible I really am.”Larry laughed at that. But rutted their dicks together. “Similar to what the sounds you make during sex do to me.”“Yeah?” Don asked. “I make you hot?”Ever since their first time, in which Larry demonstrated an utter lack of finesse in the area, Don had begun to talk dirty to Larry in the form of questions, and, in answering them truthfully, Larry found himself engaging in successful dirty talk. Don's enthusiasm only ever escalated for it. And now, when Larry submitted, there was no trace of awkwardness or laughter. Only heat and growling words, and Don became powerful, ruthless even. And Larry craved it.***Larry came first while on the bottom, still begging for Don’s load like his life depended on it. Don gave it to him, stroked through every last shuddering aftershock of it. He had no idea how loud they were being until a neighbor pounded on the wall.Oh, a little too loud. Don cringed, and laughed as he dismounted. “Whoops.”Larry covered his face as if mortified, but giggled with glee. Don grabbed some tissues and helped clean up as they disposed of their full condoms.“First time that's actually ever happened to you, huh? Pissing off the neighbors?”Larry was beet red. “How on earth do you ever look those people in the eye?”Don shrugged, getting comfortable, “I mean, it happens to us all. I've even been the angry neighbor. Especially back in New Mexico. I was so miserable there, I was a tyrant about peace and quiet, man, lemme tell you.”This was the most insane part of his weekly hookups with Larry, how talking after guy action was only ever easy and fun. They got naked, got each other off, then just lounged in bed and exchanged opinions or ideas or stories or jokes.Sometimes there was very little talking and they fell right to sleep. Sometimes they were up far too late just shooting the shit or catching a game rerun, even once somehow debating the ethical dilemma of continuing to watch pornography and getting off even if someone in the movie reminded them of someone from the FBI.“Aw, c’mon,” Don had argued, “What Colby doesn't know won't hurt him. It doesn't mean anything. Sometimes if something feels taboo, it just makes it feel even better to do it. I saw one once with a chick that looked exactly like Amita, and it was the hardest I ever came on my own.”Don never would have admitted that to anyone else. But in all the time of his acquaintance with Larry, it had never been hard to say anything to the man, and, miraculously, that fact did not change with sex in the mix, but was, instead, amplified. Now there were things he could say to only Larry.That was the best part in all of this. His words never needed to be chosen carefully. He felt no need to be on the look out for traps. He didn't feel a particular urge to perform, to be charming. If this stream of consciousness way of communicating was ever politically incorrect, Larry simply called him on it, but not to pick a fight. Just to gently educate him on the misguided nature of the perspective. It never made Don feel attacked or called dumb, just put back in line in a good way.And listening to Larry was just as easy. None of the professor's opinions ever hit Don on the chin, though sometimes they did metaphorically kick him in the head. No stories from Larry ever sparked a flight response. No jokes from Larry ever hit wrong, and he had to politely laugh it off and change the subject.There was nothing but flow. Even when Larry was off on some tangent about things Don didn't have the first clue about, Don was satisfied to just let the man talk. Sometimes he understood Larry's point anyway. But usually he fell asleep before Larry finished his lecture.***Excruciating pain. Being stabbed was two words: excruciating pain.Don collapsed on the cold pavement as his attacker fled. His mind was a screaming blank void of pain so intense it became terror. His vision tunneled and before he lost consciousness, it occurred to him that this might be it. Everyone he knew and cared about flashed through his mind, and he thought how all of them would have to deal with this without a goodbye. His team: Nikki and Liz and Colby and David. Then his family: Dad. Charlie. Amita. Larry.Larry.That last thought burst like a flare gun through the tunneling darkness. Bizarre, but the one thing Don’s brain latched onto was that, whenever leases ended in his apartment building, the unit-specific resident code for pool access changed, too.Oh, no, Larry. Don thought as he died, He’ll lose the pool.***Charlie's TA came flying into Larry's office, breathless, eyes wide. “Professor! Professor! Charlie just called me from the hospital. He told me to tell you…”Larry listened and shot to his feet. He scrambled to find his keys, cursing his decision to once again ditch his cellphone after NASA no longer needed to reach him. And his habit of unplugging his office phone while working.At the hospital, he found Alan standing alone outside on the sidewalk. Larry's fears pounced on him at the sight of Alan looking so lost.“Alan!”Looking around, Alan greeted Larry with a hug and a thick-voiced, “He's in surgery. No one will tell me anything…”“Where's Charles?”“Amita took him back to the FBI. He's got work to do. You should go help him catch the guy.”Larry shook his head, “I am staying right here. You shouldn't be on your own. Tell me what happened…”Alan repeated the facts as he knew them. The wound was to the gut, rather high. Apparently, knives with the right characteristics could pierce bullet proof vests.Larry coaxed Alan back inside. They paced the tiles of the waiting room together. Larry caught himself more than once opening his lips to say, your son has become a remarkably important companion to me, Alan.But he never did. How was this the appropriate time for that discussion? Don had said he wasn't out to Alan or Charlie. It was poor form to kick down the closet door while the man fought for his life.And yet Larry felt compelled to explain his own desperate need for Don’s continued existence. Shouldn't someone know?But know what, exactly?We've been messing around.A little bit of guy action.Colby was kind of there once.No. Larry could not explain any of it, and yet he might—he just might—have to lose all of it in silence.***The hospital room had three Hello Kitty balloons, and so Larry was eternally thankful he had decided to forgo the traditional gift basket Get Well gesture.Don was awake and channel surfing. The sight of him in bed, the flickering glow of a TV on his features as he toggled between some classic film and sports reruns, made Larry's heart lurch. Apart from the gown and all the monitoring equipment, this was the version of Don that Larry had gotten to know these last two and a half months. Not the agent on duty, or the son unwinding among his family, but the man, unwound.Except right now Don was more than unwound, actually, he was practically kaput. Pale face. Drooping eyes. Somehow far too small for that bed. He smiled when he saw Larry, though. “Aw, man, thanks for coming!”Larry took the seat nearest Don. “Donald, allow me to express my well wishes without the help of a Japanese kitten.”Don chuckled, looking around at the balloons. “It's kind of hilarious, actually.”“I suppose they do bring some much needed levity after the darkest of hours.”Don exhaled, eyes focusing a little too much on the screen, but not necessarily seeing the baseball game there. “Yeah, it was a close one.”“I couldn't exhale until the doctors approached your father with a smile.”Don smiled and cut his eyes over to Larry. “What, you weren't going to miss me, were ya?”Larry lifted his shoulders playfully. “I don't know anyone else with twenty four hour access to a salt water pool!”Don laughed so hard he winced and put a hand to his torso.Larry winced with him and apologized, but Don’s smile was simply wonderful to see, so he wasn't that sorry. He helped himself to some chocolate out of the open basket nearest Don, sitting back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the edge of the mattress as he asked, “So what's the score?”***Larry became concerned for his own humanity when the very next Wednesday came back around, and he realized that his float in the pool would go unanswered, and he got irate over it. Don was still in the hospital, just two days post brutal stabbing, and here was Larry, grumbling about the disruption of his routine.Dear God, what was he becoming?So Larry floated, eyes fixed not on the heavens but on the dark window he knew to be Don’s apartment, and he meditated on the animalistic nature of humans hooked on their own dopamine. Remarkable that Larry had more than once gone literal years between coital acts and now he struggled to go seven days.Larry chalked it up to his addictive personality. Gambling had gotten its hooks in him for the way it freed him from the chains of monetary obsession. Outer space had rocked him to his core, jettisoning him off into realms of the spiritual in a desperate attempt to feel so unbounded once more… Now the thought of some simple Guy Action made an itch at the base of his spine, an itch to escape the cerebral into the carnal.And a masturbatory emission wasn't going to cut it. First of all, Larry didn't own a TV so he had no access to Max After Dark. Secondly, the aspect of guy action which Larry found so freeing was the way Don made it feel perfectly natural for men to behave this way together. Like Larry was just one of the guys, doing what guys do.Larry told himself Donald would heal. He tried not to worry that the six requisite weeks would kill the routine. Though it was a possibility, wasn't it? Six weeks could give Don time to realize that the guy action he had wanted in the wake of his painful breakup had done its job. He was successfully rebounded. No need to mess around anymore…***From his hospital bed, Don realized it was Wednesday and exhaled. On one hand, it was enough to be alive to even see another Wednesday. On the other hand, he didn't feel alive enough for it to count.Stuck in a hospital bed, feeling some truly alarming pain every time he tried to move more than his arms, Don felt an overwhelming mixture of bitterness and relief, of vulnerability and frustration, and even of arousal, but also embarrassment. Because his own arousal felt like it was behind glass. The pain meds and a general weakness made it impossible to feel more than a vague stirring. Even when he closed his eyes and thought of the sexiest things he could think of—a twitch, and nothing. It was humiliating for a man who had always kept a daily basis check-in with his dick, even if it was just a few idle tugs in the shower. He was literally so hurt, he couldn't even get hard.If anything drove home how close he came to dying, it was that.***Two weeks after leaving the hospital, Don was dressed for the day in lounge wear but was in his usual place on Charlie's couch, where he was to remain for two to four more weeks. At least here, he didn't have to put up with strangers and weird smells. The drawback was, neither Dad, Charlie, or Amita left him alone for more than ten minutes. That made any daily check in with his dick basically impossible, so his mood soured as his need for it grew.Then, finally, the house full of caregivers decided he was strong enough to take their eyes off him for the day. Charlie and Amita had class and Dad left to run errands. Don had the house all to himself. Hell yeah. He didn't even need to find something sexy on TV. He reached into his shorts, sighing as the first few tugs brought an erection flaring into existence.The door opened. Don jerked his hand free, waistband popping, annoyance skyrocketing. But it was Larry. He relaxed with a smile, cock throbbing now, but he played it cool.“Hey, Lare, what's up?”Larry had a salacious grin as he said, “I promised Alan I would check on the invalid.”Don groaned, “Very funny.”But his dick throbbed even more. As far as caregivers went, he wouldn't mind if Larry took over completely. At least he wouldn't bat an eyelash if Don watched porn at one in the afternoon.Larry hung his bag on the hook and crossed right to the coffee table where he sat in front of Don. “But how are you?”“The doc liked the look of it yesterday,” he said with a shrug. “Pain’s less and less every day.” His eyes flitted up to Larry and away as he said, “Can't swim for another few weeks.”Larry grinned, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Is that a timeline for literal swimming or was it a polite euphemism?”“Literal swimming. Doc says I can fuck now, so long as I go easy, and I stretch first.”Larry hooted, color rising in the cheeks. He looked away as he pressed his palm to his forehead. “Well! I am delighted that you made a direct inquiry on the matter.”Don chuckled, hand touching Larry's knee and sliding up his thigh. “Hey, I can't work. What the hell else is there to do?”***Here? Larry's breath caught in his chest. He looked around and found no adequate reason why it couldn't happen here, beyond the outside chance that someone might come home hours earlier than planned.Don twitched his blanket aside, revealing tented shorts, and Larry lost all inhibition. After two weeks of starvation, here was a tiny morsel. He nodded his acquiescence to the plan.A radiant smile creased Don's face, and he freed himself from the underwear. Larry fell off the coffee table, onto his knees. The space between the furniture was barely enough. He was now between Don’s open legs. Larry caressed Don’s thighs, distracted by the intense body heat.Their old routine had been centered around water. Cold pool, quick showers, fooling around, usually above the covers. To kneel here now in Don's little nest of convalescence, to lean into this cloud of musk from his endless hours in this one spot, felt incredibly like being swallowed alive.Don's fist pumped steadily, and Larry remained transfixed by the sight of the glistening head popping out of his slick hand. There was no lube or lotion around, the slick was entirely precum. Larry suddenly realized he may have walked in on something, and felt a body rush head to toe.“Perhaps I should volunteer to check on you from now on.”Don nodded eagerly, breathing heavily through his mouth. Larry giggled. “Now, you aren't to strain yourself at all. That is the number one rule here.”Don chortled, breathless. His fist sped up a little. Larry spread Don's knees, giving himself a little more room. When he put his mouth on the tip, Don whimpered. Larry felt absurdly like a rock star returning to stage after a false retirement.Actually, Larry preferred giving oral, in the greater scheme of his life. It allowed for better cognitive ability. A good deal of his work had been done while kneeling for lovers in the past. (And was the reason his dirty talk had been so underdeveloped.) Truthfully, he had lost himself a bit there, in the exciting adventure of learning erotic word play in a safe space, but there was something to be said about reverting to default settings.And the best part? Don’s moans. Without showboaty physical exertion or the unavoidable initial discomfort of anal sex, his sounds never raised higher than sixty disciples, the average conversation volume. Larry's mind slipped back into work mode, and it was like Don's erotic affirmations were cheering him on as his theoretical mind reached out… and broke new ground on his theory.***Don warned Larry right before he broke, and so he sat back, took Don in hand and jerked him off. The thinking happening in Larry's eyes the whole time was so matter of fact. His hands were so clinical. Like Larry was operating one of those state of the art machines built for geniuses like him to help solve the mysteries of the universe. Against all odds, Don liked it.As the orgasm faded from his body, a sudden need to sleep swamped Don. He chuckled, slurred out something along the lines of, “you look so smart when you do that, Lare… brilliant cosmo…mol-oligst… always thinkin’...” Something occurred to him, and he jolted awake, but his eyelids drooped. “Raincheck on the flop?”“When you're back on your feet, definitely.”Don hummed happily, still fighting sleep. One little orgasm and he was worn out? Like the impotence in the hospital, this kitten-like strength shamed him. He vowed to work on it. It was the last coherent thought in his head before he succumbed to the tiredness.He sensed Larry arranging him on the couch, making him decent and comfortable. Then the TV clicked on, and settled on a hockey game.***Larry opened his bag, pulled out some notebooks and got to work while the ideas were still fresh in his mind…It was an entirely new experience, to mess around outside of the predictable little routine they had established. Larry didn't hate it, but he did suffer a spike of concern that he was allowing himself to be distracted from work too often by all of this.True, this time at least, it seemed to have brought on a bolt of inspiration. But Larry had been down this road before. In all prior cases, his so-called muses had ended up leading him astray.The game was still on, Don was asleep, and Larry was still jotting in a composition book at the kitchen table when Alan came home. He cast a shrewd eye over the space, and asked, “So how is he?”“He did not leave that couch, you have my word.”“Thanks, Larry. Are you busy? Got time for a little chess?”“I've actually already begun a game for us. But I'm afraid I do have to get back to campus.”Alan went to the chess board to check out the opening move and hummed happily, “Ah, someone has brought their A Game. Now that's more like it. Uh, see you later?”Larry stole one last look at Don, dead asleep, and waved backwards on his way out.
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After Larry got Don off on Charlie's couch, something akin to their previous routine started up again. Don received regular check-ins from the professor there on the couch, whenever Larry knew Don would be alone. This was usually on Sundays when Charlie and Amita had their little brother and little sister programs and Alan played golf. The visits consisted of updates and idle chit chat and, inevitably, Larry's blunt command of, “Okay, lie back. Let me suck you.”Don was not even expected to retaliate, though he did offer.Then, when Don started sleeping at his own place again, and he got the clearance from the doc to go back to work, it was back to night swims and Cinemax after ten on Wednesdays—going easy at first. Getting totally naked with Larry again was a relief even though at first Don was self conscious of the heinous scar.There was definitely a different tone to their Wednesdays together. On one hand, it was still the easy, carnal meeting of two friends with very few boundaries between them. On the other hand, there was an extra sense of laid back ease to the proceedings, no need to work so hard, because it was no longer the one night a week that either of them got off. You see, by this time, Larry had started coming by Don’s apartment every Sunday after lunch for some swim-free and unapologetic oral sex in Don’s living room. And in those encounters, Don did retaliate.Every Sunday, after Don had slept in and was still enjoying his coffee, there would be a knock on the door. Don would find a lusty smile of greeting from Larry. And in the same moment of the door latching closed behind him, one or both of them would be opening their fly on the way to the couch…The no-fuss attitude of the Sunday arrangement matched that of Wednesday night. And that was what Don liked the most. How, even when things escalated between him and Larry, nothing really changed. There were no new expectations of “more romantic” behavior. There was no added pressure to the relationship at all. In fact, the opposite happened; there was less pressure now that they saw each other in this way more often.Wednesday and Sunday was their fun, easy secret. And whenever they saw each other the rest of the time (nearly every evening at Charlie's house) everything remained normal. Casual. They never ever had a need to discuss the details, the rules or "their future".Don thought it was kind of adorable the way Larry did things almost the same way every week. It was like the scientist was repeating an experiment, maintaining the parameters to keep the data nice and clean. A night swim and Max After Dark on Wednesday night, then Sunday afternoon they swapped BJs on a couch. These formulas were proven to work for Larry, and Don had no qualms with a scheduled private life he could depend on to stay familiar and easy even when the rest of his week went to shit. So, he figured, why mess with the variables?***Larry was worried. Ever since Amita’s kidnapping four days ago, something was going on. Charlie and Amita were being strange. He had a suspicion that wedding bells were in the future, and it unnerved him.Not because he had an issue with Charlie and Amita as a couple. The two belonged together. But he was made uneasy by the nagging thought that Don was going to react less than ideally to the news.Don’s baby brother, who surpassed him far too often in the milestones of life, was once again set to eclipse him. The younger brother would wed before the elder. And Don had told enough little stories in their late night hang outs to suggest this would only add to his ever growing brotherly issues.Larry’s concern was that Don would put an end to their regular routine of night swims and “guy action” in a desperate attempt to get serious about finding his own future bride. No, to be more precise, Larry feared his own reaction to Don ending their tryst.
He feared that, without those regular doses of freedom and unrestrained id, the stable orbit he had been enjoying of late would wobble, and he would burn in through an unforgiving atmosphere before disintegrating on impact in some unfeeling ocean.So Larry flat refused to entertain the drama surrounding Charlie and Amita… as if that could possibly stop the inevitable.****A Sunday afternoon came and went with no sign of Larry. Don ended up spending some time in front of the mirror, poking at his huge new scar and thinking. Then he headed to dinner at Charlie's house trying not to read into Larry's absence. The guy was eccentric and easily lost in his deep thoughts. It was no big deal.By sundown, Don sipped his beer on Charlie's couch and kept track of the game his dad was missing because of the mysterious call that had taken him out of the room. Alan returned with the phone in hand, announcing as he set it in its charging cradle, “That was Amita’s father.”Don frowned, turned down the volume of the game. “Amita’s dad? In India? Is everything okay?”Alan, smiling, sat in his chair and answered, “Charlie has formally asked him for permission to marry Amita.”Don’s heart leapt with the happy surprise, and he laughed, “Ahh! Way to go Chuck! Hey, who’da thought he was such an old fashioned gentleman?”Alan smacked his lips, “Yeah, I guess I raised at least one out of two respectable men.”Don scoffed, smile slipping. Alan chortled and waved a hand, “Just kidding, son. Just kidding.”Don grunted, reaching for the levity of the previous moment. “Well, I don't think you can take credit for Charlie. Amita has been doing a lot of work on him. I'm sure the whole thing was her idea.”“What? The engagement or the asking for permission first?”“Both,” Don answered and laughed.“I hope she didn't have to ask him. She and I spoke on the matter not too long ago, and I told her that modern women don't have to wait around to be asked, but she seemed less than thrilled with the idea of having to be the one to get that ball rolling.”“Charlie is pretty clueless sometimes.”Alan grunted at that. Don, sipping his beer, cut his eyes to his father. “What?”“Nothing,” Alan waved a hand.“Saying I'm clueless?”“I'm saying ever since you and Robin didn't work out, you've been dragging your feet. Don't tell me you've resigned to dying alone.”Don sighed and got to his feet. “No, Dad, but I'm not in a hurry to get married either.”“You're saying you're totally fine with Charlie beating you to the altar?”“Yep.” Don answered and to further seal that discussion, he immediately commented on the game and carried his empties to the kitchen.Charlie getting married. Don was smiling, happy for the little guy. Happy for Amita, who fit in so well and was so good for Charlie in all the right ways…But his father's words swirled around him. You're saying you're totally fine with Charlie beating you to the altar ?He was. Which was weird. There was a time in Don's life when something like this would have sent him spiraling. He would have proposed to whomever he was dating. But now, between his study of the faith, and the enlightening experience of being nearly stabbed to death—not to mention the comfort of Larry's steady, uncomplicated companionship—now he felt rock steady. He was simply too content to let Charlie rock his boat so easily.He wondered what Larry would have to say about Charlie and Amita getting married—and he gasped as some things clicked.Could that be it? Could Larry's absence this afternoon be because of the news?Don knew that Charlie and Larry had become fast friends from the day they met and were to this day best friends. They had lived very similar lives for eighteen years. And now suddenly Charlie, as a husband and no doubt someday a father, was going to be a little bit less similar to Larry. Don was sure that, no matter who you were, a close friend taking a step in a direction you couldn't follow had to sting a bit.Don also knew Larry sometimes got into moods where he applied pressure to Charlie for him to set aside crime solving and focus on the kind of work that only he could do. Did Larry see marriage and fatherhood as equally threatening to Charlie's focus? Did it start a fight?And what if all of this set Larry off on one of his philosophical searches for meaning, and he disappeared again into the steam tunnels or outer space or a monastery?Don’s guts quivered, uneasy.Freaking Charlie and his freaking love story.If this wedding messed with Larry's variables, Don was going to find a way to accidentally kick Charlie really hard in the shin.****After celebrating with Charlie and Amita, Don headed home but surprised himself by stopping at CalSci. He needed to talk and wasn't in the mood to wait until Wednesday. It was late but campus was still open, and Larry was in his office.Don expected chalkboards or notebooks. A desk completely cleared off except a bowl of raspberries surprised him.“Hey, Lare,” Don said.Larry stirred from deep thought and focused on Don—though it wasn't a true focus. It was like his attention was still half on something else.“Donald. I surmise you just heard the news about the engagement.”“Officially, yeah.” He came the rest of the way into the office. “Dad told me a few hours earlier. Amita’s dad told him—did they tell you?”Larry snorted, lifted a raspberry and studied it closely, “I didn't need them to tell me. If Newton's Law of Gravity were to depend on their discretion to do its job, we would all be floating away in the asteroid belt by now.”Don laughed as he took a chair across the desk from Larry. “Ah, good for them, though, huh?”Larry nodded and dropped his raspberry into the bowl and stared straight down into it.A lull stretched out. Don hadn't seen Larry like this in a long time, not since his stint in the monastery after returning from space. Which meant, somehow, the news had rocked him. Don got a pit in his stomach and started making shin kicking plans. He asked, “Is this a bad time to talk?”“I suppose that depends on the nature of the conversation you intend to thrust upon me.”Don scoffed, sensing a mild form of accusation in the comment. “I guess I was just hoping to… I don't know, get some things off my chest. You're a good friend, Larry. Easy to talk to.”Larry leaned back in his chair. “Charlie's good news leaves you feeling off kilter. Left behind in some sense.”“Actually, no.” Don said, amused at the look of surprise in Larry's eyes. “That’s the thing , man. No!” He smiled, proud of himself. Stunned by himself. “I thought I would be, but I'm not. And my dad thought I would be, too. And you clearly just assumed I was. So I'm wondering… is that the way everyone thinks of me? Let's tip toe around Donnie because he's going to lose his shit over this?”Larry chuckled. “You can't deny that your relationship with your brother has always been a minefield.”“But this isn't about my relationship with him. It's Charlie and Amita. It's her joining our family, as she's meant to do. And it has nothing to do with me. As far as the rest of it… I know I'll be alright. Whatever is meant to happen to me… it'll happen.”Larry smiled, “That comes as something of a relief, I have to admit.”“What, you thought I was here to tell you we’re done so that I can find someone to marry?”Larry laughed, held up his hands in surrender. “No comment.”They laughed together. Easy as ever. Both relieved and sensing the other's relief, and then feeling more relief because of that shared relief.Larry grinned, “So is this clarity and strong sense of self credited to your newfound faith?”Don shrugged, eyes dropping away as he felt suddenly bashful. He had leaned toward his faith when he experienced a few licks of jealousy during the celebration, and Larry was the only one who recognized that he would have. “I don't know… maybe.”
With a sudden urge to change to topic, Don frowned and leaned forward to poke the bowl of raspberries. “So what's this? About to run off and become a farmer to gain some new perspective?”Larry frowned with intrigue at the idea, “I don't know… maybe.”Don’s heart plummeted but he played it cool. “Really? Do you react that way when all your friends get married?”Larry chuckled, stood and picked up his bowl. “No. The reason behind my ponderance has nothing to do with Charlie. My thoughts are based purely on the fibonacci sequence at the moment.”“...ok.” Don said, lost.Larry came around to lean on the desk in front of Don, where he held out a raspberry. “Taste this.”Don glanced at the open office door but leaned forward to take the berry right from Larry’s fingers with his lips. He held eye contact as he did it and watched the fog of thought clear from Larry's eye.The berry burst between his teeth, tangy and sweet, and he exaggerated a little hum of approval at the taste just to watch Larry's pupils dilate, but Larry's eyes, locked on Don’s mouth, did not only dilate. They also went right back to pensive again. The aroused focus had only been a brief flash. “The center of the milky way tastes like that berry...”“It does?”“Ethyl formate,” Larry murmured.“Huh?”Larry suddenly kicked out of his lean and headed for the door. “You can help me with something. Come with me.”Don chuckled, lost but not mad about it. He murmured, “Ok,” and followed.****The news about the ethyl formate dust cloud had utterly rocked Larry's world view. Ever since reading the study, he had been suspended in this maddening thrilling moment just prior to the exhilaration of epiphany. He wrestled with the intellectual itch that was forever about to explode into a sneeze…Raspberries and nebulas and Fibonacci sequences and Don’s lips and—something was there. Something just out of reach.Larry led Don to his car and had him hold the raspberries for the drive home. Don ate one or two, and asked for clarification. Larry explained about the dust cloud in the center of the galaxy containing the same chemical that gave the berries their flavor and Don frowned and ate several more. Larry stopped at a roadside vendor and bought several more packs of raspberries and then sped home.“Your place?” Don asked as Larry pulled into the complex. Larry, lost in thought, parked and took the bowl from him and headed inside. Don followed, laughing but not complaining.***An hour later, Don lay naked on Larry's bed, eating raspberries. A projector cast a stunning starfield on the wall, the bed, and Don’s body. Larry sat across the room, also eating raspberries, and just looking at him.This was hands down the weirdest sex act anyone ever asked him to do, but Don was okay with it. He wasn't even a hundred percent sure it was a sex act. Larry wasn’t jerking off. He was just sitting there… thinking. Sometimes he stood and walked around the bed, studying Don and the stars from different angles. Once he picked up a fresh pack of raspberries and dumped them all over Don's body. But then he retreated to his chair, and sat there, staring. Silent. Eyes largely unfocused.Don, experimentally, started touching himself, getting hard, and Larry only sat forward and watched more intently. Don liked those eyes on him. He started to get into it… he took some of the berries and crushed them over his chest… smearing the bright red juice through his chest hair, down his belly to his dick.Larry got undressed and climbed into the bed, into the light of the projector, and he licked the taste of the cosmos from Don’s skin. Don smeared some berries on Larry, and they fooled around a little bit, giggling and feeding each other. Their bodies slid together, cocks trapped between sticky abdomens as Don rutted. Larry stretched out on his back like a lazy cat, one arm folded behind his head, the other hand mapping stars as they slid over Don’s berry stained face and body.Don honestly didn't mind how checked out Larry could get sometimes. Because it wasn't like he was shutting down completely. In fact, his stamina was twice as long with his mind above the clouds. So what if Don wasn't the main focus here? Big whup. Don was guilty of using sex to forget about the job. How was that any different than Larry using it to think more clearly? They were still both getting sex. Good sex, too.Larry gasped softly–an honest to goodness Light Bulb moment–and yet rather than toss Don aside, he pinned him and took charge, moans greedier, brow lower.…And, if Don was being honest, he was proud that Larry asked him for assistance with the big problems. He actually helped somehow, just by being here. That was a pretty big honor, when you think about it.
When the slow frot finally pulled an orgasm out of Don, he held Larry close by the ears, their noses practically mashed together because he wanted to see the reentry; Larry dropping back to earth in order to witness and share in the ecstasy. His body tensed.Don felt their gushes wash over his hip, blending into the bigger sticky mess all over the damn place. He chuckled happily, stroked the nape of Larry's neck.
Larry bumped their noses sweetly, but his gaze slipped away again. Don wiggled with pride. How many men could say sex with me gives you all the answers to the universe?
“Go write it down before you forget,” he ordered with a smile.Larry's brow crinkled and his voice rose an octave with playful indignation. “How do you know there's something to write down?”“Because I'm just that good, baby,” he teased.Larry shrieked but did not formally object as he rolled away to reach a notebook. Don felt a bloom of more pride and then checked himself. God had a hand in all this, he must not forget that. Then he smirked at the idea of sharing all of this with the rabbi….maybe he would….the gist of it anyway….He showered and redressed. Larry was still exactly where he left him, working by the light of the projector. He leaned carefully over the messy bed and gave Larry's juicy shoulder a kiss. “I'm gonna head home. This was great.”“Donald,” he said. It was an agreement, a thank you, and a demand to see him again soon, all in one word. Don couldn't help the swagger in his step as he headed for the door, returning smoothly,“Larry.”
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Don knew Larry was caught up in some sort of genius brainwave. Whenever they hooked up—three times a week now, the third time always at Larry's place with that projector going—he was distant. Distracted. He started taking notebooks into bed, sometimes scribbling equations on the pages even as Don fucked into him from behind. Don didn't mind. He actually found it kind of freeing, to be allowed to use a friend’s hole without even having to juggle that friend’s pleasure with his own.
But what was most fun was whenever Larry would shift from passive and distracted to passionate and focused. He would suddenly tune in to the fun and toss the notebook away and climb from under Don to on top of Don and—kablooie. And then after cleaning up, the notebook almost always came back into the bed.Don got used to falling asleep three nights a week to the scratch of pen on paper.***Larry knew what he had to do. Frankly, it was astonishing he had put it off for as long as he had. Once upon a time, at the first hint of an epiphany in his grasp, he would have vanished, retreating from the world without so much as a sayonara to anyone. But this time, he merely scratched wayward thoughts into some notebooks and stayed.Then he got banned from the CalSci lap pool for bringing five pounds of raspberries into the chlorinated water to float with him. The only reason he hadn't performed the ritual in Don’s much better salt water pool (where he would have had late night privacy) was a consideration to the fact that Don would have been the one to get in trouble if his guest crushed raspberries to make underwater nebulas.The work was growing. The encroaching epiphany was a large lightless mass moving in the dark, closer and closer. The notebooks, scribbled in at odd intervals through his everyday life, began to pile higher and higher. No wall was safe from the graffiti of his errant thoughts.Eventually, Larry had to start making arrangements for the inevitable. He knew he would have to go. The work demanded it. So he pulled out of the cern collider project and then talked to the head of his department. Divested of his teaching duties, he began decluttering and packing up his apartment on the lead up to breaking his lease.Larry tried to form a plan. He really did. He knew he needed to get away. To retreat from the busy distracting world of technology. He needed to be in some quiet, beautiful place where he could—to use Don’s phrasing–regress a little bit. Go back to being a caveman.But where to go? Far away. The greater the distance, the greater the clarity. But where? and to be gone for how long? As long as it took. But to leave Don for that unspecified stretch of time?Larry wasn't ready .***When Larry purchased an actual stack of plane tickets, Don choked back the words that leapt to his tongue. Don't go! Don didn't want to be clingy. He knew Larry was only leaving to find the space and peace he needed for his mind to do the work. It was a work thing. How was it any different than Don flying to Quantico for a week? Apart from the fact that Larry would almost certainly be gone for more than a week…Charlie started telling people he didn't believe Larry was going anywhere. He cited the indecision, the procrastination, as evidence that Larry did not want to go and so therefore wouldn't go. But Don, as much as he wanted to believe Charlie, knew better. He could see the way something was eating at Larry—haunting him, maybe. Some invisible force was pulling him one direction while all the other stuff, the fun private stuff that happened behind locked doors, pulled him another.Don resolved to never be a force that Larry had to fight against.While Larry was in the shower on a Wednesday night, Don did not turn on Cinemax. Instead, he stopped on the travel channel. Larry wore a frown as he came into the loft bedroom. “Is this a new fetish, Donald?”“I thought it might help you make a decision.”“That's sweet, but I won't be going as a tourist. All the sightseeing tours and gimmicks would be more of a distraction than anything here.”Don rolled onto his back, folded a pillow to prop his head on. “Okay... So… your plan is to land somewhere, crawl into a hovel and not do anything but contemplate the cosmos.”
“Ideally, yes. Free from all obligation, responsibility, and temptation, ” Larry stressed the word as he crawled over Don, who chuckled and pressed gentle kisses to his jaw as he continued, “I hope to gain the clarity that so eludes me.”“Fair enough,” Don grunted between kisses. “So you just gotta make a choice. Flip a coin or throw a dart or somethin’.”“We both know your brother can mathematically prove those aren't truly random—”“Ookay, okay,” Don matched the groan in his voice and waved it aside, “all I mean is, if you can't choose, maybe you should find a way to, y'know, leave it to a higher power.”Larry sparkled, stacked his hands on Don's chest and just rested his chin there. “God?”Flutters squirreled through Don. He was in no way practiced in talking about this stuff right out loud, definitely not with such an old friend, and while naked. There weren't enough layers to shroud himself in, literally or metaphorically. He was laid totally bare here. He shook a little.“Yeah. God. I'm told it's what He does, or somethin'.”The levity of the little remark worked like a charm to lighten the mood. Larry giggled and twitched against him, so Don rolled on top.“And in what way shall I do that, do you figure?” Larry implored.“Maybe ya just gotta ask ‘im.”Larry's lips parted on a breath. He caressed the side of Don's face, bit his lip. He was getting hard. Rapidly. Don felt a buzz roll through him and got into a better position.“How ‘bout one for the road, then, huh?”He kissed one of Larry's nipples, feeling it bead against his tongue. Larry trembled. “ Oh, Donald .”***Hours later, Larry drove a rental car toward Las Vegas. He had the top down, an ache in his body from the vigorous farewell sex, and still no clue which of the many tickets he would be using. Don's advice to leave it to God was easier in theory than in practice. Just ask ‘im .Larry had. And no great revelation had befallen him as he dozed in Don’s arms. Nor when he pried himself loose, or when he quietly got dressed in the dark, or when he lingered on the cusp of waking him just to say goodbye. The image of Don snuggled face first into the bed, burrowed beneath blankets and pillows, sated, safe and untroubled, stayed with him even now.A sudden gust of wind, and the tickets took flight out of the car without him. “No!”Larry pulled over, desperate to locate them all before the wind took them further away. But wait. The wind…. Divine intervention?His gaze tilted up, and he gasped at the splendor of the desert sky. It seemed he had arrived at his destination much sooner than he expected….
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What was it they said? You don't know what you got until it's gone?Don had known himself to be lucky to have a special relationship with Larry. But he underestimated how much room it had taken up in his life.What he'd had was something he could depend on. Something to look forward to. A guaranteed way to unwind at regular intervals. No fuss. No hassle. Someone who wasn't Dad and Charlie that he could talk to about Dad and Charlie.When he encouraged Larry to go, Don had known it would be a while before he had all that easy fun with Larry again. But he kinda thought it wouldn't be any longer than when Larry had gone to space. So he braced for four months and twelve days. He put his shoulder to the wheel, kept his head down.He worked with Charlie and watched sports with Dad and studied Hebrew lessons with his Rabbi, and, almost nightly, swam laps in his pool. Maybe the motorcycle really was an impulse buy, but he genuinely loved it. Something about those long drives through the night air, down winding California backroads… it beat laying in bed with his eyes wide open.After just two months and literally no one had heard from Larry or knew where he went, Don started to feel like he was holding onto memories of a ghost. And when the day he had circled in his mental calendar– the four months and twelve days deadline– came and went and there was still no word from Larry, Don could do nothing but say an occasional prayer for the guy. Surely, wherever he was, whatever he was doing, it was worth it.In the meantime, a conversation with David about advancement opportunities in the FBI did shine a light on some things. Don realized he never had a plan for his life, not a real one. His goals had always been short sighted or vague. I'll play ball while I can…. Being a Fed sounds cool... I think I'm done with fugitive recovery; maybe it could be me to have a desk, run a team… Colby called him a lifer, and Don got queasy.He didn't want that. A good career, sure, but to be a lifer? One of those guys who only ever had the job-–like Bloom? Or Petey? No. But the thought of leaving the bureau was unsettling. He had no clue what else he would do. And he did like the work, making a difference. And he was good at it…It gave his mind something to chew on during those long night drives, during those exhausting endless laps in the pool. What did he want, long term?There were some older guys at the synagogue, respectable and funny and so kind-natured, and they always had a comforting answer for everything . If someone started on a rant about politics or whatever, these men didn't get all torn up; they reached for grace. They left whatever troubles they could not control in the hands of God and just existed in the moment, a beacon of good will to all. Don wanted to be like them some day.He also wanted a family. He always assumed he would be a father. He also always assumed he had plenty of time for that. But maybe not so much nowadays. It was time to start getting serious about his love life. And dating would be a lot easier if he wasn't a field agent always on call. So maybe he needed to start advancing in the bureau. A nine to five desk job where he called the shots, and he was always on time for dinner reservations…Don joined Dr. Laszlo’s motorcycle club and met a great group of professionals who, like him, just liked to ride the roads. And while Don had enjoyed cruising alone, he sort of loved riding in a pack. He smiled the whole way as he rode as one of eight a little ways down the coast and back up.He got several numbers from several women in the motorcycle bars they stopped at along the way. But he found himself not calling any of them, always thinking, why complicate things ?The very fact that he considered women too complicated and more than likely to disrupt the carefully arranged life he had built for himself was something that occurred to him the fifth time he threw away a phone number.Did he… not like to date women?He liked women. He certainly liked them. They definitely turned him on. But dating them… he actually didn't enjoy the performance of it. Managing their expectations and toeing some kind of line, behaving himself, so that they could relax around him…It was just so much easier with guys. With Larry.What if he had the future, the faith and the career and the marriage and the kids… with a guy? He opened his imagination to it in all seriousness for the very first time. Finding a husband instead of a wife…Would that be so terrible? In some ways, not at all. In others? It was 2011. Same-sex marriage wasn't even legal in California yet. No adoption agency would hand a kid over to two guys just living together. Only one of them would get full custody and how was that a family?
Plenty of couples made it work, they defied the laws and committed anyway. But could that be Don? Did he have what it took to build a family on trust and nothing else? No legal framework to prop it up and make it official and cohesive? He was afraid he didn’t.But was that any reason not to try ?
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Don was the last to learn that Larry was not only back, but had even helped solve the jewelry heist today. He had even been in the building. Don had simply missed him (a major plight of higher management, Don was discovering. You didn't see much of anyone unless you sought them out or summoned them to your desk.)He finished cleaning the watch from evidence and delivered it to the man’s thankful son. Then he went straight to Charlie's house. On the doorstep, he paused, smoothed his hair. But in the living room, he found only Dad, Charlie, and Amita.“What's this about Larry being back?”Don did not say much as they filled him in with the bizarre facts. The quirky professor had not gone around the world. He had spent all six months in the desert like some kind of hermit. It sounded like he had made a major breakthrough, so good for him. But did that mean he would no longer need to float in Don’s pool late at night?Not that it would be a big deal if he didn't. Don had survived just fine without it. For the most part. Sort of. And maybe it was a good idea if things didn't pick back up, since he was goal-oriented now. No time to fool around like that.It was late and, by the sound of it, Larry needed rest and required privacy as he readjusted to civilization, just like when he had come back to earth from outer space. So Don did not go out to the garage to see him. Not right away.But after midnight, on his way home, Don was pulled to the garage by a power he was only just beginning to trust. He had no plan, only an ache that had not gone away for months. And, okay, upon his realization that he was probably never going to get serious with a woman, there had been nothing stopping Don from seeking some more Guy Action elsewhere, he just hadn't. Never felt right.And now Larry being back meant, maybe, a return of those simple and easy evenings he had so enjoyed last year—and maybe more could grow from there. Don hoped so. He tried to play it cool, though.There was a light on. He poked his head into the garage and saw that Larry was awake.“Larry? You're back!” He said cheerfully.Larry was in worn out jeans and T-shirt, reclined on the couch, propped on an elbow, one leg bent, reading a book. He looked up, and his full, unruly beard twitched. “Donald.”Don came to a stop, a little stunned. Charlie had warned him, and still the sight of Larry with so much wild hair took him by surprise. He looked… good . Don was reminded of Alan’s oldest friends, the laid back chill dudes in family albums; the hippies who had been supposed honorary uncles, but who Don had only the haziest of actual memories.
Ah, we all grow up,
Alan had said once in answer to why he wasn't that close with them anymore. It had left Don with the idea that responsible grown men couldn't look like this, and yet here stood Larry. A brilliant scientist, a professor, an astronaut… yet most people would write him off as a bum or a drug addict just because of the way he looked.Something about that contrast quickened Don's pulse. A man could be more than he appeared-–at this moment in his life, Don needed that to be true more than ever.
“Oh, man, I like the new look.” He said, closing the door behind him.Larry flicked the book closed and stood without taking his eyes off Don’s. He crossed the space between them in a slow, lazy gait. Not a word. By the time Larry reached him, the silence and the eye contact had Don squirming with anticipation and honest to goodness bashfulness.
Who was this new and improved Larry? He exuded a calm certainty that wasn't there before. His eyes were clear. Focused. This was a man with answers . Don trembled with a need to know those answers for himself. How,
he wanted to beg. How did you figure it out, tell me. “Missed you,” Don puffed, when the silence simply became too much.Larry smiled, lips parting on an inhale. He closed a fist around the zip of Don's jacket. With just a tug and a step backwards, Larry directed Don to the couch. He went with it because–hell yeah, this was what he had been hoping for.***Larry had not expected to see Don just yet. Part of his reasons for squatting in Charlie’s garage in secret had been a means of avoiding any interaction with Don Eppes in front of an audience. Because Larry knew himself, knew there would be no resisting the need he had lived with for six months now. He had been vaguely planning on a night swim later, assuming Don would wait until then. He never calculated that Don might orchestrate being alone with him earlier, and here of all places, in this garage, with his father and brother home.
It seemed Don had needs, too, and more than that, had done plenty of work on himself to be able to pursue those needs outside of the perceived safe zones.So this was happening.
Larry kissed him. Don hummed and scooped him close, returning the kiss with fervor. When a fist closed tightly in Larry's hair, the sting in his scalp sent cartwheels of pleasure through him. He pivoted and pushed Don down onto the old sofa. Don went with a breathy snort of laughter that was so precious to Larry it hurt in all of his most human places. He knelt onto the cushions over Don, fitting right into the cradle of Don's open legs.Don's loud breathing hitched. His face split with a giant smile, and he looked all around as if someone else might see this. Larry caressed his jaw. “Is this okay?”“Yeah,” Don rumbled, relaxing and scratching his fingers through the ragged beard on Larry's face. “Let's just keep it quiet, y'know?”“Can you?” Larry teased and humped the fly of his jeans against Don’s. A tremble went through Don. His lips smacked off Larry's earlobe.“Mmn. You’re right. Maybe we should switch,” Don whispered, dark eyes glittering. Larry grunted affirmatively.They didn't move.
Larry lacked the strength of will to climb off of Don. Not when having him like this again had been the sweetest of dreams out in the Mojave desert, his one tie back to reality.
Feeling Don buck sluttily beneath him was utterly intoxicating. He was enveloped by Don's passion, and quickly lost all Reason. Don's motives for disregarding the logic of discretion were his own, cloaked in mystery the way Larry liked. He couldn't actually believe how much he missed this layered and complex individual.Don captured his mouth again for deeper and deeper kisses, holding fistfuls of Larry's long hair, and Larry got his hands beneath clothing. Brushing fingertips across Don's ribs and around to his happy trail and down made him moan—soft, muffled by grappling tongues and yet music to Larry's ears.“I've got you,” Larry whispered, moving his kisses down Don's clavicle, and opening their jeans. Don’s hold of Larry's hair tightened ever so much. Larry gasped and chortled quietly into the alcove of Don's neck, “Just hold onto me, try not to scream.”Don buried his face in Larry's hair. “Fuck,” he breathed, a tight and desperate sound that squirreled through Larry right into the deepest, tightest most sacred places. Like a key, it unlocked him.***Before this moment, Don would have said Larry was a good fuck, a solid friend. Period. Fact-checked. Proven.But this version of Larry? Here now, on this old sofa? Don had a promise of a good fuck with every scratchy, beardy kiss, every bite, every greedy clutch. But where was the friend? Or, better question, where was that boundary that said More Than Friends Beyond This Point Do Not Cross, because Don didn't even see it go by, yet he sensed he was definitely past it.This Larry was passionate and bold, and his new look paired with his new energy was doing things to him that Don didn't even know how to begin to define. He was turned on not just physically but emotionally. This focused, instinct-driven Larry was somehow locating and turning over rocks deep inside Don, revealing unshaped, unnamed needs that had probably been there since Don was a kid, and Don had absolutely no idea what they meant or what to do about them. But Larry made it okay.
He crossed Don’s wrists and pinned them to the arm of the couch over his head. He put teeth in his kisses. He whispered dirty confessions. “Thought about you so much, Donald…” And “Yeah, that's what I like to hear, give me that sound again” and “missed the way you taste…” and “want my fingers in you?”While Don drowned in his new and terrifying ocean of need, Larry moved down Don’s body and wasted no time in slurping Don’s hard dick into his mouth. Because the new Larry was confident and demanding and yet thoughtful and charming. For the first time, Don really felt the age difference, and it startled him how much he liked it.It felt like it had never been the comfortable variables of all that guy action that had made Don feel safe. It was the guy. It was Larry.Larry’s lips popped off the head of Don's dick, and his fingers left Don's hole. Don lifted his head to look down at him. What? Why stop? Larry pushed his long hair back out of his face with an overhead comb, those unnervingly confident eyes cutting right through Don as the beard twitched with a smile. Don quaked with need, open mouth panting with desire.Larry moved back up over Don, pausing with his beardy lips in kissing range. “If mankind could somehow live in a universe made of nothing else but starlight, raspberry nebulas and your sounds, Donald, there would be no such thing as theoretical physics, only a society of priests living in an eternal equilibrium of sweetest pleasure and deepest awe.”That was new. Larry never kept his enjoyment of a noisy lover a secret, but he'd never dressed his praise for it in poetry either.“Yeah?” Don asked, feeling shy and unprepared to make any other form of response. He focused, instead, on getting Larry’s jeans open and out of the way.It became apparent that, though Don had always thought Larry wasn't much for manscaping, he evidently had been doing something of a bare minimum bush trim. The discovery of a jungle of bushy pubic hair only thrilled Don more. (Seriously what was that about? It didn't gel with Don's self image, but it made him throb and leak and yearn for more of this rough cut man pinning him to the couch.)Out of sight as they lay lip to lip, breathing each other's breath, Larry's dick was already hard and deliciously hot to the touch as Don got his fist around it. Larry chuckled breathlessly, thrusting a little in the dry ring of Don’s fingers. “Want it?”“Fuck yeah,” Don intoned.Another overhead hair comb, “I somehow expected you to be uncertain of a fully penetrative coupling in this setting.”Don arched an eyebrow. “Here? You kidding? This is where I lost my virginity.”“Here?” Larry lit up with delight, looked around, “In this old garage?”“On this exact same couch , Larry,” Don laughed. Then, upon Larry's questioning gaze, explained, “Charlie’s babysitter. We were sixteen. First time I ever felt how unbelievably wet a girl could get. Lasted about forty five seconds.”Larry chuckled warmly, lining his dick up with Don’s slicked asshole. He pressed the head to the ring of muscle, slipped it around teasingly in the hand lotion lube substitute, “Were you in the same state of reckless undress as I now find myself?”“Huh? I mean, I got my jeans all the way off, but not my shirt.”“I meant to reference my lack of a condom, sweet one.”“Oh, fuck,” Don looked round, but there was no reason to expect to find condoms in Charlie's at-home work space. He collapsed, eyes closed. “ Fuck . Um. Just—yeah, just don't worry about it.”“Donald–”“No one since you,” Don cut in. Then he added, so much softer, “I trust you.”“No one? In six months? That doesn't sound like you.”Don laughed. “Yeah well. I think it means you ruined me, Lare.”“Oh, Sweetest,” Larry breathed, raking his nails across Don's scalp before gripping as much hair as he could. He covered Don's mouth with his own to swallow every sound and shoved his dick in with no more preamble.***The need inside Larry was phenomenal, perhaps due to how long it had been starved. Add in Donald's sounds, and the intense intimacy of no condom and right away, Larry feared he would not last much longer than the inaugural act of Don’s sexual maturity. He resolved that lasting anything longer than 45 seconds would be a win.He need never have worried. Because all Don had to do was ask, and Larry could find it in himself to deliver and Don kept puffing out these soft little pleas, “More, more,” and “yes, Lare, God, don't stop!”By digging deep, focusing on his breathing more than his own need, Larry gave it to Don with everything he had and lasted as long as necessary. He thrust hard and deep and relished the way Don grunted with every jab to his prostate and moaned whorishly to every touch to his dick.Don came first, and the timing surprised Larry. He felt Don's body flutter and spasm on his dick, he saw the cords stand out in Don's neck, the vein in his forehead pop up. Larry had been so outside his own pleasure, so doggedly focused on his objective at that point that he himself wasn't close.Oh, but all he had to do was let go, and his own climax crashed down on him so suddenly and so intensely that he was as surprised by his own orgasm as he had been by Don's.Don chuckled warmly, languidly and murmured, “Thank God you're back. I think I.. I—I think I really need you, Larry. Like, really.”“I'm quite certain you have me, Donald, in whatever capacity you require.”Don's eyes glistened with tears, but he was smiling through it, a brave face, “Yeah? Feels right, doesn't it? Like—I don't know— like,” he wrinkled his nose, “it's supposed to be like this, right? It's in the design to feel this good—has to be. Humans are meant to feel like this, so…” his eyes dropped away, and he finished, shy and unsure, “safe.”Larry vividly remembered Don declaring himself to be void of romantic sentiment, but that was a falsehood, because Larry never felt so romanced in all his life. He kissed Don thoroughly.When he eventually separated from Don, a delicate maneuver, he witnessed his seed gush out. The sight alone was overwhelmingly pleasurable but the sound Don made as his hole fluttered against the trickle… that sound was tantamount to a declaration of—Of something too wonderful to name.Another string of kisses and then Larry stood, tucked away his dick and hauled Don up. Don was a little unsteady on his feet and laughing in the carefree, boyish, half drunk way of his.“Get dressed, Donald. We have somewhere to be,” Larry gently ordered, grabbing Don's underwear and jeans from the floor.
“We do?”“I have to show you something. You're driving.”***Don felt drunk. He felt Larry trickling back out of him. He felt good. He felt—his tentative heart dare not knock on that door.There were no towels or tissues in the garage and so Don cleaned up with the chalky scrap eraser cloth from Charlie's work boards and folded the messy side inwards and shoved the cloth in his leather coat pocket. He dressed as Larry shoved some items in a dirty old backpack.Outside, Larry's enthusiasm ground to a halt at the sight of the motorcycle. “This is what you drive?”Don chuckled warmly, “Yep.”“Don't you know they're death traps?”“Get on, Lare. Hold onto me and try not to scream.”“But–”“Do we have somewhere to be or not?”Larry relented and climbed on, wrapping his arms around Don’s torso.“Where am I going, baby?”Larry gave a general direction and Don brought the bike to life. Larry's grip tightened. He drove the speed limit, respectful of the fact that he had Larry's life in his hands. Still, Larry clung to him like it was a rocket, letting go only to point for turns.When they arrived at their destination, the headlight illuminated a shack. Plywood walls, a narrow barn door constructed of two by fours. The roof slanted to the right, a brown tarp covered it, staked into the ground at all four corners.Don shut off the bike. “This where you've been living, Lare?”“Hm hm.”Don climbed off the bike, walked around the thing. He hated it based on the simple matter of security. Any whackjob looking to hurt somebody could have easily kicked down one of these wimpy walls and gotten in…. He pushed away the nightmare.Larry stepped into his embrace, caressed his face. “You look upset, darling.”“Just worried what mighta happened, you out here all alone, none of us knowing where to even look–”Larry hushed him and hugged him close, chin tucked over his shoulder. “None of that, Donald. It’s not real. It didn't happen. It won't happen.”“Damn right it won't because you're staying with me.” Don declared heatedly.Larry let out a giggle very close to a bird chirp. The moonlight caught his eyes, and his surprisingly clean teeth. He said nothing. Don exhaled. “Sorry.”“For what?”Don shrugged. “Bringing work into this, it’s,” he pushed air out, shook his head.“Don't apologize for that. You're a cop as much as you're my friend.”Don smiled, coating over a quivering feeling that the word friend didn't half cover it and they both knew it. Larry got busy removing the tarp.“In the wake of my Great Ponderance, I have no intention of living without common amenities ever again, and I relish the thought of your pool, but I did bring you here for a reason.”He weighed the tarp down with a rock and pulled Don through the door. Inside, there was a pot bellied stove. A small bed. The walls were covered with math. No ceiling. Just stars.“I dreamed so often of having you here, it feels wrong to demolish the place without actualizing it.”“You dreamed of me, huh?”Larry put his hands in his back pockets and looked around, nodded. “I didn't used to dream. But out here, when I slept, if I slept, I thought of you.” He looked Don in the eye. “Oh, how I missed you.”Don caressed his beard and kissed him, then whispered in the quiet dark safety, “I'm still wet. You wanna…? I mean, if you’re not bounced back, maybe you just use your fingers, o-or your mouth?”Shit, Don’s tongue had run ahead, he could not believe he just said that right out loud. He felt his face blister. A rim job was over the line for casual guy action. Way over any line. Don had never, ever done it or asked for it, not even with women. But he could still feel Larry's seed trickling out of him, and his gut said the only thing that was going to top that was feeling the intoxicating scratch of beard there, too.Larry took action, opening Don’s jeans, turning him, kneeling. He peeled the clothes out of the way. Don braced on the wall, and shivered in the open desert air. He dropped out of his thinking mind, into a pool of desire. “Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Lick me clean.”Larry spread his cheeks, and kissed him there. The sensation was everything Don expected and more. So much more. The warm wash of breath. The press of cool dry lips and coarse beard against extremely sensitive skin. It was like a feather tickler going down his spine. Light and sensual.And then Larry's tongue made contact. Unlike fingers or a penis, the thing pressing against Don’s delicate hole was warm, wet and malleable. It licked and flicked and pulsed against him, going from soft to tense and back. It created these warm tingling sensations that oozed through his entire body, like the head of his dick was being licked the long way around.And the way he could actually feel the hums and moans of Larry’s pleasure more than he could hear them over the clamoring heartbeat in his ears. And the fact that Larry was doing it, licking him there, no hesitation, no preamble—Don tried not to read into it. Some people were just generous.Before Don knew it, he was riding Larry's face, undulating against him, and spewing raspy, breathless filth. The typical rhetoric bled into new material centered on the new elements that made Don hot. The beard. The age difference, now highlighted by Larry's mysterious wisdom. Very quickly, he was in “fuck yeah daddy bear” waters and Larry responded to that with a vigorous lick, a teasing bite, and then he stopped.“Get over there, on that bed, ass up,” Larry ordered. His voice was so deep, Don almost didn't recognize it. He tingled and tripped that way. With his boots still on, he couldn't step out of his jeans. He knelt on the bed. Larry came up behind him, and opened his fly. Don felt a body rush. “Did I make you hard again, daddy?”Larry grunted and slipped into him carefully. Don wailed from oversensitivity. His voice literally echoed off the hills. One look back at the sight of him, a wild man in a desert shack, and Don was well and truly outside the norm here. In the absolute best way possible.Larry held a fist full of his shirt and his hip and started to move. Forceful, deep thrusts designed to demolish Don’s rationality. He rode the lotion slick cock with abandon, free to be a version of himself that had been out of reach until now.***Larry drained into Don for the second time that night, and then stood back and watched it slide out of him as Don stroked himself off. The sight, the colors, the sounds, the smells, the words they said and took care not to say. Larry never felt more alive and connected to the universe.Don cleaned up with the same rag as before, hissing and giggling at beard burn, and then redressed and got comfortable on the bed. He gestured for Larry to join him. “No way I can drive home. Let's just sleep here. Under the stars.”Larry climbed into the bed, snuggling in next to Don and gazed up at the heavens. He could feel the weight of Don in the bed next to him, his body heat and his steady breathing and all of that in this place where Larry had spent so much time alone...“Remarkable,” Larry said.“Yeah, it's gorgeous,” Don said, peering up at the pristine constellations.“I meant this,” Larry said, snuggling under Don’s arm, ear against his heart. Don squeezed him.
“It's remarkable that our time apart did not precipitate a fracture in our relationship, but instead this incredible blossoming of intimacy.”Don hummed in agreement, lips pressing against Larry's forehead. “I didn't know where we stood until I walked into the garage. Somehow the minute I saw you–” he cut off and shrugged a shoulder. Exhaled.Larry chuckled, made an affirmative intonation. He understood Don perfectly. Six months had been far more than either of them had bargained for, and yet their first few moments in that garage had felt as if it had been no time at all.“There’s something different about you, Donald. And I'm not just talking about the motorcycle and the increased muscle tone.”“I've been swimming a lot,” Don explained, curling an arm to make a bicep swell.“Yes,” Larry squeezed it, “but apart from the external changes, something else has shifted in you. You don't seem to hold as much back as you once did.”Don wrinkled his nose and inhaled through his teeth, dropping his arm over his eyes, embarrassed, “Yeah, I guess I got kind of slutty, huh?”“Not the word I would use. I would say you were stunning, Donald. As divinely marvelous as this sky, yet you were within my grasp in a way these stars will never be.”“Oh.” Don said, the smallest little sound. Larry lifted his head from Don’s chest and kissed him. And kissed him.Eventually, Don pulled away, chortling and shaking his head. “This new you uncorks something in me, Larry. I don't know what it is. I didn't even know it was there. But… you have something I need. Something I think I've needed for a long time. I don't even know what to call it.”“No?” Larry laughed, “Well, I do!”
“Yeah? What is it?” Don asked.Larry leaned in and whispered against Don’s ear. “A daddy.”Don groaned, dropped his head again to hide his eyes. “Don't—let’s not do that—not outside the heat of the moment, okay?”Laughing, Larry peppered him with kisses. “Don't be embarrassed. It made me hot. And you were so generous with yourself; I felt honored.”***Don was so embarrassed. While it had been happening, the power dynamics role play had ignited him, spurred him on, but looking back he wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out. He had never let go like that, had never trusted anyone like that. Having done so felt a lot like he handed someone a loaded gun and let the barrel rest against his heart.Larry’s beardy lips pressed to his forehead. “I will be anything you need, whenever you need it.”Shy, Don chuckled and snuggled closer saying, “Right now I need you to keep your body heat close. It's chilly out here.”Larry sat up and pulled a folded blanket from a shelf. He spread it over both of them and settled in as the little spoon. Don felt a real pitter patter in his heart and bit his lip. The truth was, he still couldn't say exactly what he needed Larry to be. He wanted him. Just like this. The two of them, no obstacles, no drama.But that couldn't last forever, could it?
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This time, Larry returned to his life with no reservations. Thrilled to be back, even. He had found what he sought out there, and so now he sought that which only other people could give him. Family.For his first week back, he ate at the Eppes house every night. He helped on cases. He swam at Don’s. He dismantled the shack and had the notebooks shipped to Charlie's garage. He taught classes. At Donald's insistence, he did not cut his hair and only trimmed the beard, so from the moment he stepped back onto campus, he became something of an icon. He no longer blended into the crowd, a faceless academic in a sea of scholars. Now he stood out. Eyes tracked him through rooms. Heads turned. Even students outside the physics department came to recognize Fleinhardt, the guy with the beard and the hair, and they called out greetings to him, offered him high fives.Don laughed when a flabbergasted Larry shared the odd development with him. “Ahh, Lare, c’mon. They can see that you're a cool, chill guy with a lot of answers. You've got your outside matching the inside, baby.”During one of their nightly swims, Larry attempted to share the details of his theory of the future of the cosmos with Don, who got a little lost before getting mind blown and sworn to secrecy. Larry just wasn't ready for the wider physics community to start picking it apart. He wanted the math to be rock solid first.
He retrieved his beloved Model A Ford from storage and even let Don drive it up to a popular lookout, where they necked, and that exhilarating roleplay cropped up again, just a tentative whisper from Don, but oh how it stayed with Larry for hours after…“There you are!” Charlie said, appearing around the back end of the car. It was parked on campus. Larry jolted out of a reverie and resumed cleaning the windows.The look of relief on Charlie's face stunned him. He almost laughed. “Charles.”“Hey, man, I've been looking everywhere for you. You weren't in the garage this morning.”A coy smile twitched his lips. They had gone back to Don’s place for a few hours of sleep after steaming the windows of this car. Larry polished the glass and smirked,
"Did you think, perhaps, that I had returned to the desert after spending only a week in civilization?"Charlie exhaled and smiled. "Kinda, man, yeah,” he laughed and shrugged, “But clearly you haven't. Yet."The teasing add on felt to Larry like a kick to the sternum. His remark had been a joke, but was that how people thought of him? A permanent nomad likely to vanish into the night at a moment’s notice? Did Donald feel the same?
I need you daddy.
Those decadent whispers from last night took on new meaning as a surge of key moments with Don this past week shuffled through his mind.
I think I need you, Larry. Like really.
You've got something I need.
Need you. I need you, daddy.
He'd been saying it over and over, and it was entirely possible that it was not, as Larry had assumed, a sexual need but an emotional one. What if Don was apprehensive of another vanishing act? What if Larry had failed to hear the true meaning of each of those little confessions? I need you to never leave me again .
This had to be cleared away at once. He checked his watch. Don had shared that, in Larry’s absence, he had decided to put in for a promotion. That meant he now spent more time in the office delegating field work and doing paperwork, and as such he had a reliable habit of leaving the office around six every evening.“I thought we could sit and go over your theory,” Charlie was saying.“Hm?”“Your big theory, man, I’m dying to hear it!”“And you will, but not now,” Larry jumped in the car.“Where are you going? Larry .” Charlie pained, resigned to the fact that he would get no answers. Larry grinned and waved as he drove off. There was something to be said about maintaining an air of mystery about oneself.***Don issued orders and watched the team disperse into the field without him. It was getting easier to stay behind. Sure, the paperwork was boring, but the perks of a set schedule were still piling up. He had more energy for hobbies outside of work. He had unpacked his old college casio for the first time since Quantico. He could now almost play Mom’s etude from memory.
He was trying real recipes for dinner at Charlie's, garnering comments from Alan about finally earning his keep around the place. He continued to swim with Larry whenever he came around. But more than that, he could make plans and keep them. Like the drive with Larry—that alone was worth being chained to a desk.That first morning after their reunion, Don had given Larry a key to his apartment, but Larry was still technically staying in Charlie's garage, with his boxes of notebooks. They never discussed why. It was probably one of those variables Larry needed, and Don could respect that.
Anyway, it was a non issue, because they saw each other every time Don made dinner at Charlie's house, and if he didn't, then Larry swung by the pool. He still liked to float and ponder the cosmos. The other night he had even tried explaining his cohesive theory of the future of the universe. Don had followed it to a point, gotten lost in the middle but then with the help of an analogy kinda sort of understood it in the end. But just listening to Larry talk it through had been awe inspiring in its own right, and they had very nearly had sex in the pool. Only the threat of live security footage had stopped them.Now it was the end of the work week, the bad guy was in jail, and Don headed straight home, feeling wound up too tightly by a day in a cubicle to bother with family time. He would just wait for Larry to turn up.***Larry waited in Don's living room. He had come here to tell him in no uncertain terms that nothing stood to pull him away ever again. His path was clear. Any changes between them from here on out would be Don’s making. The surety of this promise sat heavy in Larry’s chest. His fingers trembled. He feared words would fail him in the moment. Words could be so inadequate in the grand scope of things.
The front door opened. Don in slacks and a dress shirt, came in with a briefcase, and froze when he saw he wasn't alone. His eyes creased with happiness. He shut the door, put the case on the floor, and removed his sunglasses.“Larry,” he croaked.Larry, having shot to his feet, responded, “Donald.”They came together in the center of the room. Don scooped him close, lip between his teeth. A greedy little growl quickened Larry's pulse. They kissed and stumbled backwards toward the couch. But then Don pulled away with a grunt, “Wait, Lare. Look what I got us.”He led Larry up the stairs into the bedroom, rummaged in the bedside table drawer, and–shyly, adorably– showed him a new tube of lube. Raspberry flavor. The inference was undeniable. Larry felt a hot rush over his body. “Ah, how appropriate.”“Yeah?” Don kissed him again, hungry.Larry grunted affirmative, tried to free his lips to say what he came here to proclaim, but Don wouldn't let him up for air, let alone talking. Larry didn't fight it. He found this side of Don, the one Don called slutty, too enchanting to protest even a moment of it.
They crawled into bed. Larry pinned him against the pillows. Don made helpless noises of need as they stripped bare. The heat of his skin practically blistered Larry's lips as he pressed a slow, teasing line down, down, down. As he slurped Don’s dick into his mouth and bobbed his head, Don combed all ten fingers into his hair and gripped lightly. He was trembling like a leaf by the time Larry liberally applied the flavored lube and touched his hole. He flipped him over for better access and Don whimpered when Larry spread him.“Hngh, right there,” he begged and Larry and buried his face.
***Don laughed at the sensation he had been daydreaming about ever since feeling it for the first time. The warmth of a tongue touching the warmth of his hole. There was nothing else like it. Goosebumps lifted on his skin. His toes curled. This was as incredible as he remembered. It had not been a wild one off thing, good only out of novelty. Rim jobs—Larry’s rim jobs—were officially ruining him, for good.After the first couple of licks, Larry retreated and smacked his lips and hummed thoughtfully at the taste. Don looked over his shoulder. Their gazes locked, and something flipped in Don’s chest. He looked away, tried to catch his breath. Was he shaking?He grunted a simple, “good?” because his heart was thrashing too hard for more than a syllable.In answer, Larry crawled back over him, chest to back, and grabbed him by the chin, gave him a kiss. Don licked it from his bearded lips and hummed, too, against the very faint fruity flavor. “Not bad.”Larry bit his shoulder on the way back down. Don laughed again and sang praises, and tried not to move too much.
Wet, ticklish, tantalizing. Larry’s warm slick tongue went from soft to hard, barely–just barely–pressing in only to retreat and circle and tease. Larry was a good kisser, and this was Larry making out with Don's ass. Don’s whole body tingled with the sensation.Then Larry's hands twitched, prompting him to ride. Don screwed his eyes tight, and unleashed himself. And it was like being back in the desert, under the stars. This limitless feeling of freedom overtook him. Then he opened his eyes and looked through the cave of his own legs, and saw that Larry was jerking himself off. While hot as fuck, and thrilling at the notion that Larry was content to simply lick Don to completion, a spear of alarm cut through him at the thought of Larry spilling into the sheets.He objected loudly, no words just vowels of protest. Alarmed, Larry sat up. “What's wrong, darling?”“Want it,” Don managed between hammer slams for heartbeats. He made himself clearer by reaching for Larry's cock. “Fill me up, daddy.”***Larry abandoned the plan to eat Don to orgasm and somewhere between manhandling him onto his back and spreading his knees, he got a tremendous idea. He paused, swept his hair back, caught his breath. “Yknow, Doland. I would quite like to experience a raw dick for myself.”Don's brow furrowed adorably. “Flip flop?” he considered it, and a wicked gleam entered his eye. “Think you can fill me and then take my load while you soften?”Larry's vision tunneled. It was more than he had ever given a lover. His chest hitched, but he nodded, and witnessed Don’s pupils blow out.They kissed and Don purred. “Sounds fun, daddy. Yeah. Let’s try it.”****Don fucked a man with that man’s seed seeping out of him, and there simply wasn't words for how perfect and right it felt. But they didn't need words because they were eye to eye, sharing breath. Knowing how sensitive Larry must feel post his own ejaculation, Don was as gentle as he could manage. Larry took it like a champ, sweating profusely. As the end drew nearer, Larry held him tighter, and when Don broke inside him, spilling straight into his guts, he saw something wash across Larry’s face that made his heart skip a beat.He smiled down at Larry, “Yeah? Feels amazing, doesn’t it?”Larry flung an arm over his eyes and let out a joyous exclamation. “Heavens, I've never felt more in tune with another living soul before in my life!”It was too real a statement. Don laughed reflexively and muttered, “You're tellin’ me.”He made himself comfortable next to Larry. They caught their breaths, fluttering on each other's ooziness. When Don accidentally caught Larry's eye, he giggled bashfully and scrubbed his face. “Oh man . What a night. This was amazing.”“Truly phenomenal.”Don choked. For the very first time since this started, he couldn't share with Larry what was on his mind, because the whole thing was just so big and complex, he just didn't have the words. It was a daunting feeling. Very similar to going into a suspect's dwelling with no lights, no floor plan. Yeah, you're scared, but you also know you're not alone. Your partner is right there, at your back.***Laying there, with Don’s seed inside him, having given his body to Don’s pleasure after having already found his own, Larry no longer felt it necessary to make the verbal assurances he had raced over here to make. What they just did, slowly with eye contact, felt loud and clear enough. Words would somehow spoil it.After they took turns tidying up in the bathroom, they snuggled back into bed together and Don broke the silence.“Listen,” he adjusted his pillow, rolled closer to Larry, and Larry knew it was so he wouldn't have to look him in the eye. Don often became bashful when emotional tensions were high. “I know it's easier for you to work over at Charlie’s and all, but, I gotta tell ya, coming home to somebody was pretty great. I-I want more of that. Doesn’t have to be every night,” he assured quickly when Larry was about to speak. “I don't wanna screw with your variables or anything–”“Variables?” Larry cut in.A bashful smile broke across Don's face. He snickered. “Yeah. It's what I call your schedule. The way you need things to be.”Larry laughed in surprise. It was true he had been implementing some of the methodology that Megan had taught him in regards to balancing his work, his social anxiety, and his physical needs, but having never directly spoken to Donald about it, he was somehow surprised the detective had detected it.“Wait a minute, who are you talking to when you reference these variables?” Larry teased.Don blushed, “myself.”Larry was washed in fondness for this man who kept some things so private that he could only ever talk to himself about them. More than that, he had figured out Larry's “variables” and talked himself into protecting them against his own desires. The selflessness of that knocked into Larry's heart hard enough to hurt.“So?” Don asked, breaking the string of kisses. “What do you think? Stay here more often? Every other night, maybe. Would that be okay?”It struck Larry that Don was afraid he was messing everything up by asking for what he wanted. The bizarre part of it was that last year, such fears would have been well founded. But now? Larry was a new man. His so-called variables no longer felt necessary.“I will be wherever you need me, whenever you need me.”“Yeah?”Larry squeezed him tight. “Yes, Donald. I'm not going anywhere.”***The next morning, Larry emerged from the shower to find Don was in a nice suit.“Where are you going?”A brief look of uncertainty crossed his features, and he reached for a small book, a white sash and a yamaka. He looked shy, even apologetic.“Oh!” Larry exclaimed, smiling. “Can I come too? Or is that intrusive?”Astonishment broke across his face. “You want to?”“I would love it immensely, if it's permitted.”Don smiled, wide enough to add new crinkles. “Yeah. Uh, I mean, if you really want. Sure.”“Should I change? Can I borrow appropriate clothes?”***Larry was forever grateful that Don was not in the habit of driving his motorcycle to Temple. The car ride was pleasant, with Don holding Larry's hand the entire way and smiling easily as they planned their day. Temple was an hour long. Then he usually went to Charlie’s house for lunch and to catch whichever game he could find.
Larry was on board with the plan. Before his extended stay in the desert, where life had no structure based on any regular circadian rhythm or social expectation, Larry had been in the habit of a long walk through nature first thing on Saturday. His very own religious communion. So very Emily Dickinson of him.“Doesn’t Shabbat start at sunset on Friday?” Larry asked.“Yeah, why?”Larry laughed, “Well, Donald. I’m hesitant to put the things you did after sunset last night into plain English!”Don, getting it, laughed, smiling broadly and kissed Larry's knuckles. “Well, actually, it's said that sex is considered to be part of the obligation to honor the Shabbat.”“You’re kidding! You can't answer the phone or cook or watch TV but you can fornicate?”Don laughed, “Only super devout guys take the Shabbat that seriously but, yeah, sex is allowed. The rules say something like… uh… he may engage in relations whenever he desires, kiss any organ he desires, or engage in vaginal or other intercourse, provided he does not release seed in vain.”Larry giggled. “And nothing about last night was in vain.”“No, it was not,” Don agreed, pressing a final, firm kiss to Larry's hand before placing it back down on his knee. He squeezed it.The Temple parking lot was crowded. Larry and Don joined the throng of people entering the beautiful building. Larry was surprised when Don’s fingers slid between his as they ascended the steps.The Rabbi who greeted everyone brightened at the sight of Don and enthusiastically shook his hand, welcoming him and confessing delight that work had not stolen him away again as it too often did.
Don indicated Larry. “Rabbi Berman, this is Dr Larry Fleinhardt, my boyfriend. He's a professor working with my brother over at Calsci.”“Welcome!” The Rabbi greeted him warmly, not batting an eye. “Dr Larry Fleinhardt! Shalom aleichem!”Larry shook his hand, responded, “Aleichem shalom.”Don raised an eyebrow in apparent surprise as they continued on into the building. Larry grinned. “I remember that part from going to Temple with my grandfather. He died when I was ten. My grandmother was protestant. My parents were not religious at all. So, without Grandfather's insistence, no one felt obligated to give me a bar mitzvah or push any religion on me at all. And so science became my church.” He looked back at Rabbi Berman and laid a palm across his hairline. “But I am quite certain grandfather's Rabbi would not have liked to hear the phrase ‘my boyfriend’ coming from a prominent male member of the congregation.”Don chuckled, “This is LA. We have modern, inclusive synagogues here.”Larry followed Don to a seat in the upper balcony. Don greeted and was greeted by several people who all received introductions. Larry was my boyfriend every time, and it never stopped feeling exceedingly wonderful, just like that first time.
Larry had the absolutely outrageous sensation that all these people would now believe him to be popular. As if this place of worship was a high school. Incredibly out of left field, yet a valid feeling nonetheless. Larry had never been so openly claimed by someone so outside his usual wheelhouse. Donald Eppes. The athlete. The cop. The pretty boy who could turn any head with his perfect smile. That kind of individual holding hands with him, Larry Fleinhardt, in front of everyone.Larry had butterflies.Someone loaned Larry a yamaka. He sat next to Don on the pew and found himself facing balconies opposite from them with some rather exquisitely carved balustrades. Add in the stained glass and the curtains and the artwork… Larry liked it here. This place where laborers had joined together to turn feeling into architecture and architecture into feeling…***Don tried to focus on the sermon. His Hebrew was getting better. But he still needed the helpfully printed translation pamphlet provided by the Rabbi’s wife who also taught Hebrew school to adults turning to the faith. Larry had also picked up one of the translations, but he never read it. He sat there, eyes wandering into the middle distance. As lost in thought as the way Don had always known him to be.When it was over, Don commented on the ignored pamphlet. Larry blinked at it and smiled sheepishly, “Oh, actually, I quite liked not understanding what they were saying. I think it helped me in my own worship to be totally ignorant of the finer points yet understanding of the wider message.”Don smiled, laughing a soft supportive, “Ok,” and kissed Larry’s cheek. Right there in the synagogue. Felt like a king for the way Larry's eyes darted around as his cheeks turned pink under his beard.“Rabbi Berman,” Larry suddenly called as the man walked by. “Donald was telling me about a debate you had with a lawyer. I'm sorry to have missed it. Would you perhaps have anything more like that coming up?”Rabbi Berman began speaking of the community events happening and added, “But perhaps you would like to set up a debate with me?”“What?” Larry asked, surprised.“Yes. A mathematician and a Rabbi. That could be fun!”“He's a cosmologist,” Don corrected.“That’s a branch of theoretical physics involving astronomy,” Larry explained. “We cosmologists are utterly preoccupied with the moment of creation in our universe as well as its inevitable conclusion.”Rabbi brightened, “Yes! Excellent! Oh, you have to debate with me now!”“I am not certain it could be classified as a debate as you and I do both believe in an existing God figure. Perhaps a discussion, though, on the word of God from a book of testimony versus the word of God as perceived from the physical world around us?”Rabbi Berman was ecstatic. He couldn't book Larry fast enough for the event.In the car, Don didn't start the engine right away. He sat and looked at Larry, unable to control the huge goofy smile on his face. “Thanks for coming.”“Thanks for bringing me. I enjoyed it. I particularly enjoyed being called your boyfriend precisely twelve times.”“You kept a count?”“I'm in the habit of counting anomalies.”Don caught Larry's drift and his heart turned over, some uneasy squiggly things scattering in the bright lights. “Yeah. Before you left I was … pretty stubborn about keeping things between us locked down.”“You once described it as no one’s business but ours .”Don chuckled, uncomfortable.Larry continued, “Another time you said guy action is perfectly natural but still not something meant to be broadcasted .”Nodding, Don put on sunglasses and started the car.
“Okay.”“Once you even uttered the phrase keeping it on the down low.” “Larry. Okay. Yes . I was scared to make a big deal out of it.” Don shook his head but smiled.How was it that Larry could call him out on his bullshit, and he didn't feel defensive or get hostile? Instead, he was laughing and in total agreement with Larry's tone, which made it clear that his stubborn bullshit had been cowardice, plain and simple.“And what prompted this bold exit from the closet?” Larry asked.“I don't know. Maybe after you ate my ass and then let me fuck you raw while your seed slid out of my hole, it started feeling pretty stupid to hide it all away.” Larry guffawed. He may have been reluctant to put it in plain English, but Don wasn't. He liked it all too much to dance around the facts. It was what it was. “It was an experience I'm never going to forget. And… I'm ready to obey the word of God as perceived in the physical world around me.”Larry exhaled and Donald felt a thrill down his spine as he sensed those clear, focused eyes piercing him. “Donald, I swear you say things just to turn me on.”Don winked.***Don pulled into the driveway and Larry couldn't help himself anymore. “So… this new found pride. Does it have a place in there?”Parking the car, Don turned off the engine but otherwise made no move to exit the car. He peered at his childhood home. Uneasy. Larry took his hand. “I meant nothing by that but an honest inquiry. If you aren't ready–”“They should know,” Don cut in, so softly.“But you're scared.”He grimaced. “I just don't see the point in making some kind of announcement. Or, like a speech or something?” He almost looked green in the gills, “That kind of thing doesn't feel like me.”“You said once that you told your mother.”“Over the phone when I was nineteen. She was in New Jersey with Charlie. I was here. I just sort of blurted it out. There's this guy, Trevor, on my baseball team. We had a date. He's a good kisser.”“And she was kind to you.”“I couldn't see her face. She was quiet. Then she said she always knew my smile could turn any head.”Larry chuckled. “I never actually came out to my mother. Or my father. So, unfortunately, I can't offer advice other than to say it wasn't the end of the cosmos when you blurted it to your mother. So it won't be the end of the cosmos if you go in there and tell your dad and brother and future sister in law in whatever way you can manage.”Don grinned. “It won't be the end of the cosmos, huh?”“You have my word, as a cosmologist, that the likelihood of an end to all things happening as a direct consequence of any utterance of yours is practically zero.”Don’s eyebrows went up, “Practically zero?”“There are no absolutes in theoretical physics. But almost zero should be rather comforting for the layperson.”“Whatever. How did you say it to Charlie?”Larry shrugged. “I think I included both the feminine and masculine pronouns in a generalization of my love life. He immediately changed the subject and avoided it ever after that. But he was a kid. Eighteen. Probably still a virgin. I suspect he's wiser now, as a soon-to-be married man.”Don chuckled. “Don't you kinda think he and Amita just sort of wriggle around on each other and call it a win?”Larry barked with laughter, stemming it out of respect for Amita. “Mathematicians do tend to leave a lasting impression of asexuality, yet history will insist they do, from time to time, manage to wriggle children into existence.”Don laughed, a full sound with a wrinkled nose and he said, “I'm so in love with you, Larry.”A truth already acknowledged in the unspoken spaces, it moved through Larry as an unseen gravitational force. His eyes welled with the power of it. “Donald, I love you.”Smiling, Donald drew a steadying breath. “They should know how we feel. But… rather than doing the big announcement thing, let's just go in there and let them see the truth.”
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It went something like this.They walked in the door, and Alan, sorting the mail at the entryway table greeted them. “Hey, Donnie, game's on. Larry, I took coffee out to the garage for you this morning. Where have you been?”“He was at Temple with me,” Don answered. The way his gut clenched and his palms were sweaty, you would think he just said, we were having the best sex of my life.From the living room, Charlie looked up from his work and asked, “Temple? You went to Temple with Don?”Don moved on into the living room, bracing for the axe to drop. Larry followed with an easy, “I was curious.”Charlie’s eyes held a glint of mischievousness, “First you refuse to share your big theory of the universe and now you're going to Temple? You're going to tell us that you encountered some kind of burning bush out there in the desert, aren't you?”Don snickered and Larry pointed a stern finger at his student. “There was an encounter with one very wise coyote.” He was sincere. He became pensive with the memory of it. The others laughed and Larry sat, “And putting aside your wise cracks, I will remind you that my paternal grandfather was devout in the faith, which is perhaps why I have never shied away from spiritual exploration. I am curious about my relationship with the greater powers of the universe, and I willingly nurture that relationship in all the ways I find effective, be it through the medium of macrame in zero gravity, or through meditation in a monastery in the San Pedro hills, or by floating naked in the ocean, or living in isolation in a shack in the mojave desert.”“Yeah, Charlie,” Don teased, “What's wrong with a little socializing in a synagogue on Wilshire Boulevard?”“Precisely,” Larry drawled, eyes tilted to the ceiling as he relaxed deep into the armchair. Charlie smiled fondly at his friend, shaking his head and returning to his work grading papers.“So what exactly did the coyote say to you, Lare?” Don asked.“It wasn't an exchange of words in the traditional sense. An understanding passed between us. Beyond that, I'm not prepared to say.”Don, holding Larry's eyes, began to wonder if Larry had been speaking metaphorically and Don was the coyote. By the crystal clear, yet indecipherable, look in Larry’s steady gaze, Don kinda thought so.Charlie had returned to his work and Alan was setting up the chessboard so neither noticed the prolonged eye contact between them.“And how did you two find this morning’s sermon?” Alan asked.Tearing his eyes from Larry, Don shrugged and, down to the wire, was not prepared to talk about his thoughts on God's word. “It was good.”A beat, a dull note where everyone in the room felt the way Don brushed away something important. Larry moved them along from it with his answer, “I concerned myself less with the lesson plan and focused instead on the combined spiritual energy of a group of people worshiping in one place. It was a pleasant way to pass an hour. And Donald was very popular there. I don't believe I have ever seen him surrounded by so many friends who didn't have guns.”“Oh, really?” Alan was interested. Don blew air through his lips.Larry explained about his upcoming debate with the rabbi and invited them. Don pictured his father and brother meeting all of his Temple friends, friends who now knew Larry as my boyfriend.
His insides quivered.***Twice over the course of normal lunch time conversation and pizza, Don and Larry let their fingers brush while passing napkins or marinara sauce. Their feet were touching under the table. And yet no one seemed to notice these little intimacies between them.Don and Larry ended up back in front of the TV while Charlie did the dishes and Alan made some calls. They shared the couch.“They haven't noticed anything yet,” Don said.“In their defense, our signals haven't been particularly ostentatious.”
“I'm not going to kiss you just to show off that I kiss you.”“Nor have I ever been keen on public displays of affection.”“I don't know how much more of this I can take, this not knowing when they're going to pick up on it." Don confessed. "I almost called you Lare Bear just to make something happen, but it didn't feel right. I don't use cutesy nicknames just because I'm in love with someone. That's not me.”“You are a private man, Don, and there is nothing wrong with that.”Amita arrived, back from spending her morning with a little sister from the community outreach program. She breezed into the room, her eyes swept over them on the couch, and her head tilted.“Good morning.”Don braced himself for the question transitioning from her eyes to her tongue, but then Charlie interrupted. He had emerged from the kitchen and greeted her with their customary lovey dovey kisses. Alan asked after the little sister and Amita allowed herself to be swept up in general conversation without even a glance back. Don and Larry traded impish smiles.When the game was over, Alan asked, “will you be cooking for us, Donnie?”Caught off guard, he looked at everyone else. “I didn't have anything in mind, but I guess I can put together whatever's in the kitchen.”“You don't mind?” Alan asked.“Please,” Charlie begged. “You're a better cook than Dad.”Don snickered and got up. “Okay.”“Larry, any luck with the super-computing?” Alan asked as he settled in his armchair.Don went into the kitchen, shaking his head at Larry's evasive answers.***Dinner was served, and Don sensed the praises were primarily given to ensure he continued trying, not necessarily because the spaghetti was any good, because it wasn't. His mind had been elsewhere, worried about when, or even if, his family was going to catch on that he was with Larry.Then, it finally happened.Alan said, “Larry, you can't keep sleeping in that drafty old garage. I fixed up the guest room for you, and I insist you stay in it tonight.”“Thank you, Alan, but you needn't worry. I will be staying with Donald from now on."“With Don?” Charlie echoed.Don, breath stalled in his lungs, took Larry's hand. Right there on top of the table and said, “Yeah, I mean, we’re dating so he might as well.”Silence rang through the dining room, and then everyone sort of asked nine questions at once and Larry said, “No, it's not new. Donald and I have been dating for about sixteen months.”And then it got loud.Charlie shot to his feet saying something along the lines of “is this supposed to be some kind of joke?” While Amita made a loud, astonished laugh. Alan, meanwhile, spoke over Charlie and Amita both, saying firmly, “Sixteen months? Over a year? This has been going on for all that time?!”And Charlie went right from his statement to turning on Don and saying, “What the hell is the matter with you? Can't you stop yourself?”And Don snapped, “What? Stop myself? What are you talking about, Chuck?”“Don't call me Chuck! And you know what I'm talking about! You have sex with EVERYONE you work with!”And while all of that was happening, Amita asked Larry, “Wait, so the whole time you were gone? Did he know you were close by? Did you meet in secret?”And Alan heard that and exploded, “In secret?! In secret?! Since when is it okay to keep these kinds of secrets in my house?”And Charlie said, “It's my house!”Don, meanwhile, was shouting that his love life really wasn't any of their business and they were lucky he shared anything with them at all, and Larry was attempting to get everyone to calm down.“Don, I don't understand,” Charlie cried, incredulous, “You're not even gay.”“Well, no, Chuck, I'm bi.”“Don't call me Chuck! And bi? Since when? And how could you not tell anyone?!”“I thought you knew, Charlie,” Amita said with a soft snort. “I thought you could just tell like I could.” She glanced around at everyone else for confirmation. Don’s insides seized, and he met his father's eye. Charlie likewise looked at Alan, who had the expression of a man who agreed with Amita.Charlie balked. “Excuse me? Wait a minute, so all of you knew?”Don didn't say a word, just held Alan's eye. Alan crossed his arms and said stiffly, “Your mother told me, after you told her.”Charlie literally grabbed his hair and cried, “What? When did he tell mom?!”“You were kids,” Alan flapped a hand.“You never said anything,” Don said to his father, quietly.“Neither did you!” Alan returned with some heat.A beat, then Charlie shook his head. “Unbelievable! Why didn't one of you ever tell me?”“I thought you knew,” Amita repeated at the same time that Don snapped, “Because it didn't have anything to do with you, alright?”
He was so sick of Charlie making everything about Charlie all the time, even this.Alan went into Father mode. “Okay, okay now, let's just—”Charlie turned to Alan, “Dad, how could you know and never tell me?”Defeated, Alan started, “Charlie–”But Charlie left the room. Amita looked shocked and then determined. She stood.“I’ll go talk to him.” As she passed Larry, she touched his arm, and gave him and Don the warmest smile, “I'm so happy for you both.”“Thank you.” Larry murmured and Don made a noncommittal noise and tried to show her his appreciation.At least there was one person who could set ego aside for a second. He glanced at Larry, who was hunched with his arms folded on the table, a very close imitation of a turtle. Cute enough to make Don feel a little better.Alan remained seated, stoic. Don leaned back in his chair in the wake of Charlie's turbulent exit and stacked his hands on his head.“Well, that coulda gone better.”Alan threw his hands up, asked heatedly, “Well, what did you expect? Dropping this bomb on us like that?”Don's brow crunched. “What bomb? You said you knew!”Alan struggled with words, finally said, “I knew you— both of you—had… predilections, I didn't realize it was with each other.”Don scoffed and glanced at Larry, who had a tight expression. Alan, a little blind from emotion right now, carried on in kind of a rant. “How could I know? A year and four months and not a word from either of you? It is as if you went out of your way to conceal it from me!”“C’mon–” Don objected.“How many dinners did we have in this house together? How many times did you lie to my face to keep this a secret?”“Lie?” Don shouted. “Lie? Come on, I never lied to you!”
“Well, good because I was talking more to Larry.”Larry drew back, jaw falling open. “Alan, if I lied it was only by omission! We have never been in the habit of speaking openly about our private lives.”“But we speak about Don often enough.”Don's eyes rocked to Larry, who looked discombobulated by Alan’s ire. Larry stood up but couldn't find words.“You had ample opportunity to share your feelings,” Alan continued without a breath. “You didn't, so what am I left to think? Hm?” He stood, visibly shaking. “To me, it seems there were no feelings to mention, in the, what, ten months you two would have had before you left. And you left him! For six months! And now you're back and it's all supposed to be okay? How dare you use my son that way!”“Dad, just cool it alright?” Don said, flaring to Larry's defense and standing, too. “I made him keep it a secret, okay? That was all me.”“Why?”“Why? Oh, let me see, maybe because I didn't want this! I didn't want yelling and accusations flying around over the best thing to ever happen to me!”Alan was stricken silent, dropped his weight onto his knuckles on the table for a second, and then left the room.
Larry stood there with his hands over his mouth. Don’s breath roared. He reached for Larry, who stepped right in for the hug and received Don’s defiant kiss to his hairline. Then Larry dodged back out of the hold, saying, “Actually, I have something to say to Alan. Excuse me, darling.”“Mkay. just...” Don trailed off, looking lost.Larry looked stern, and pointed at him, very in control, “Don't you worry. This is not the end of the cosmos.”He went after Alan. Don wiped at stinging eyes and scrubbed his face with a miserable groan. Honestly, this family…. He wished Mom was here.
***From the other side of the kitchen door, Charlie suffered under Amita's silent, stern stare of disapproval, then sighed and attempted to return to the dining room, but got the door open only an inch before he froze. He eavesdropped on the exchange between Alan, Larry, and Don. Through the crack in the door, he saw Don put his arms around Larry, kiss his forehead, and then, as Larry went after Alan, extend his arm all the way out before letting the man slip from his grasp.Seeing that, Charlie was shook. The fact was, he never saw Don being affectionate with his girlfriends. Ever. (Not since Charlie had spied on Don with the babysitter when he was a kid.) Don brought his women around occasionally and maybe they called each other babe and that was the end of it. No touching but for maybe a hand on her back. No kissing.
Charlie always knew it was because Don was a private man who liked to keep some things private. But now it was abundantly apparent that his brother was actually a private man who kept most things private.Did he even know who his brother really was?Amita’s gentle hand rested on his back and gave him a nudge. He sighed and moved through the swinging door.***Don looked up as Charlie crept in from the kitchen, and he got the sense he had eavesdropped, at least partially. Annoyance prickled across the back of his neck.“Charlie, look–”“So I didn't handle that well. I'm sorry.”Don took a breath. “Thanks for that. And I'm sorry, too.""I thought you liked me," Charlie said, and the note in his voice was not blistering with accusation, just a dull sadness. "I thought we were friends now.""Charlie--" Don started, pained and frustrated, "I do like you! We are friends now!"Lifting his sad puppy eyes, Charlie rasped, "But to keep this big thing about yourself from me all these years?"Don just hung his head, pressed on his eyes. So many emotions roiled under the surface and he barely had the tools to express them. "It was private, Charlie. As in private. As in, literally, not your business.""I get that you keep things close to the vest. And when we were kids, fine. And those years we barely talked, sure. But these last five years?"Don was momentarily speechless. He shrugged and admitted, "We were just starting to be comfortable hanging out together. I was afraid it would rock the boat.""Okay, but, sixteen months ago you started dating the best friend I've ever had and---nothing? From either of you?"Don knew he messed up there. Guilt and some shame cut through him like a razor. Perhaps defensively, he said, "Well, the best friend you ever had said that you got weird on him after he told you he goes both ways, so..."Charlie flared. "I did not get weird!"Don snorted, smiling, "You got weird.""Well," Charlie looked lost and frustrated, perhaps by the notion of Larry and Don talking about him behind his back. He huffed, "I was a kid!""Yeah? Well, maybe I still see you as a kid in some ways, alright?" Don snapped. Charlie narrowed his eyes and Don shrugged and, injecting some playfulness in his tone, he added, "and maybe I always will, Chuck."Charlie's eyes flashed impishly. "Don't call me Chuck! And, Don, I know you were private about some things, but I always trusted that when important things happen, you would want to tell the people you love!"Don flung his arms out, "That's literally what I just did, Charlie!""After sixteen months of, what, double checking it was actually important?"Don guffawed, cowed, and said softly, "Kinda... yeah."A beat fell. When Don looked up, Charlie was grinning. Don exhaled, feeling lighter. And stronger. He straightened out of the heavy lean on the back of the kitchen chair and said, "Listen, it's not like I did any of this on purpose, y'know. Dating him and not telling you. It just... didn't come up.”“But it could have! Even if you were afraid I'd get weird, you can't have thought it would be forever. Don't you know how much I need my big brother?"Choking, Don scoffed and looked away and said, "ok.""And I do understand being apprehensive about the reception of something so personal, but all you had to do was say it anyway."Don scoffed at the 'straight-splaining' of it all, twisted his head, "Easier said than done.""Fair enough," Charlie gave a curt nod. Then, "But, y'know, whatever you said when you told Mom, why not just do that again? Unless it went wrong somehow or something? What did she say?"“Charlie…” Don hated this. He hung his head, shrugged, “It went okay." And that was true. In the moment, he had felt blessed to have a mother so full of grace and love."But," he continued with a lost shrug, "I didn't tell anyone else after her because... I think I told Mom hoping she would tell everyone. And she didn't."It kicked against his heart. She didn't tell anyone else. She didn't want to. It still hurt twenty years later."And, I guess, I took that as a signal that it would be best if I just didn't do it anymore… but I couldn't do that, so next best thing was just not talk about it.”Charlie looked pained and lost. He looked at the other door. “She told Dad. And they decided not to tell me... I just don't understand why.”Don didn't understand it either. He'd lacked courage to ask her about it when she was dying, feeling so unbelievably scared that it would mean she would die with unkind things said between them. He shrugged. “You'll have to ask him that one.”“He's not ashamed of you, Don.”He huffed. “Says you.”“He's not. He can't be. That's not…”“Ohho, you'd be surprised, little brother.” Don intoned. Playing with toy guns, becoming a fed, killing people, never giving him grandchildren and now this… and those were just the issues that had come to light in forty years. Don couldn't shake a feeling that Alan just didn't like him.Charlie shook his head, looking determined. “Let me talk to him.”****Meanwhile, in the other room, Larry found Alan sitting in an armchair, glaring at the chess board. Larry moved into his line of sight and waited to be acknowledged.The silence stretched out and Alan snapped, “You clearly came in here with something to say, so say it!”“Alan, I'm surprised by you. I thought you were a hippie back in the day.”“It isn't that,” Alan insisted, “it's the lies. It's this sudden feeling that I never knew who I was really playing chess with. I've looked at you as a friend for decades, Larry. Charlie's teacher and his mentor, his second father. And now you're sticking it to Don.”“That was crass, and I'll thank you not to repeat it!” Larry said, flinty. Alan looked sheepish. Larry took a seat across from him. “I am deeply in love with Donald. Our individual spiritual quests have brought us together in a way that feels as if it was Written. I wish you could see the glory in that.”Alan’s gaze shifted around the room. “I do. I mean I can only imagine… And I'm not going to lie, hearing that takes a big weight off… But I'm having trouble still, Larry. And it's not your fault. It's not Don's. It's mine.” He leaned back, crossed his legs, sighed. “It was my failure to properly recognize that you aren't, actually, my age.”Larry almost smiled. “No. I am not. I am exactly halfway between you and Donald. Too old to be your son, too young to be his father.”Alan laughed. “Generationally speaking, you could have gone either way. I was just under the impression you had leaned into my generation. I guess not.”Larry emitted a thinking noise, “I teeter. I flirt with that line because the simple fact of the matter is, I do hold many things in common with both generations. But, I have to say that, even if I was closer to you than him in age, I still wouldn't see the problem. Don is a middle aged man, Alan.”“You're right. It's just. When Don gets like this, when he shows me that he needs me, I can't help seeing the nine year old boy who begged me to play ball with him.”Larry smiled warmly. “Don tries really hard not to need anyone. And I tried really hard not to need anything at all, but that quest brought me a new perspective and with it the elusive answers I sought. Both professionally and personally. And Donald accepted me back with open arms. And now, with your son, Alan, I'm completed.”Alan smiled, eyes a little misty. Larry folded his hands and pressed the crease to his mouth, waiting for a response.Charlie stepped into the room. “Dad? Can we talk?”Larry stood swiftly, and Charlie gave him a really good attempt at a reassuring smile as he took the seat. Larry returned to the dining room to find a wholly different atmosphere.Don was sitting with Amita. They were giggling. Larry became suddenly nervous. He just faced an angry father without batting an eye, but a giggly girlfriend made him want to run away.“Larry!” She said happily, “Don was just telling me how you two waited for each other while you were gone! How romantic!”Larry rubbed Don's shoulders as much for the contact as to simply hold himself upright. “He tries to say he isn't romantic, but he has his moments, to be sure.”“Well, I'm just trying to keep up. Y'know he spouts poetry at me?” Don bragged. “Beautiful stuff, too.”Larry tried to act like he had been here before, being bragged on for more than his academic career. Not even Megan, who had openly adored him, had gone around telling people such details about their relationship.Amita was sparkly eyed and pressing her knuckles so hard into her smiling lips, they were white. She was literally white knuckling her excitement here."I'm sorry if I'm being weird,” she gushed, “I'm just so happy for you, Larry. And Don. You make a great couple. And it just completes our family so perfectly. I mean, now I won't have to compete with some random other daughter in law!”Don and Larry laughed and held hands.***Charlie came into the dining room with reddened eyes, and, barely holding eye contact with Don said, “He wants to speak to you. In private.”Gut clenching, Don stood up, chair legs scraping. Larry gave him a reassuring look. He gulped and gripped Charlie's shoulder on the way by as he went into the next room. Charlie's bloodshot eyes did not bode well.Alan was standing with his back to him, looking at a picture of Margaret. When he sensed Don come in, he glanced back.“Donnie,” he started and stopped; sighed.“I get it, okay. It makes you uncomfortable. Let's just move past it. We won't talk about it.”“No, no,” Alan insisted. “It doesn't make me uncomfortable. Love is love. I am not ashamed of you."“Then why not let me know that you knew, Dad?”“Why not come to me about it like you did your mother?”Don threw his arms up and paced away.Alan grunted and admitted, “You know when your mother was sick and decided to stop treatment, we spoke of this matter once or twice. I wanted her advice on how to get you to open up to me like you did for her. Know what she said?"Holding his breath, Don shook his head."She said Donnie is a private man. Unless he thinks there's something you need to know, he likely isn't going to tell you."Don exhaled, and his heart throbbed with longing from a powerful love for someone out of reach. He missed her terribly; a kind woman who understood him so well, maybe even before he understood himself.Alan cleared his throat. "And I apologize for not recognizing that, well, that's exactly what you did." Alan met his eye and gave him a tight smile on a forced chuckle. "It was good news--happy news--and it shouldn't have become a scene of accusations and shouting. I could have handled it better, if only I had just stopped and thought about your mother. I see now that she warned me, in her own way, that this was how you would end up telling me--if at all.""So... Sh-she didn't hate it about me?"Alan whipped around at the stuttering sound of grief and cried "No! Donnie, she was worried about you. Because you never seemed able to settle, and you never brought it up with her again and anytime she tried to open a dialogue on your dating life, you mentioned women and just brushed it all aside, played it cool. She could only assume you wanted it that way. We were wondering if maybe it was just a college phase... There was no way of telling."Don exhaled, tears slipping down his cheeks.Alan turned back to the mantle, the picture of Margaret. "I was so scared when we found out we were losing her. Not just for myself, but for you, because I knew I'd be all you had left. And, sometimes, your whole life, I would get this feeling that you wished you had a different kind of father than you got.”Don pivoted in place this time. “What?”“I was never that kind of macho man you always idolized. Like those mentors of yours in the bureau, those guys you would die for. Kill for. You were always hero-worshiping guys like that, going way back to before you ever chose to be a cop. Tough guy characters in movies. Comic books.” Alan harrumphed. “You loved them. Modeled yourself after them. And then there was me, your pop, nothing like any of them. I was an intellectual. An artist. I drew on wax paper for the city for a living. I hated guns and violence, and I liked sports but was never any good at actually playing any of them.”“Dad–”“Your mother told me to let you come to me about it when you were ready, and then you never did. I figured, if it was still something you were doing… you didn't need me to know. Or maybe you just didn't want me to know. Either way, it left me out.” He smiled, a sad expression. "And then you finally were ready to tell me and I made all your fears feel true. I'm so sorry, son."“Daaad,” Don sat heavily on the arm of the couch and dropped his hands from his hair, slapping his thighs.The heartfelt apology speared through him, left him feeling untethered and...a little giddy. He wasn't in trouble for any of this.As for the other stuff, it was true, he idolized tough guys. At first it had been envy, but in college he realized what it truly was: attraction. So it was a good thing those guys did not resemble his father, right? Not that Don was at all ready to say that. Instead, he said, “You were a great father to have, and I have always known that.”“Then why, Donnie? You're a grown man, and we are a close family now, so why carry on with someone we all know and love and not mention it? Why behave this way?”“I don't know. Because of the way it went down with mom, I guess?"Alan balked, "She told me that she supported you when you told her.""She was nice but... Okay, so I expected Mom to tell you so that I wouldn't have to, because… I don't know. It was weird and embarrassing."“Donnie, it was your truth.”“Yeah, but I was 19! I didn't know which end was up! And, it seemed like she didn't tell you, so I didn't know what to do. Back then, I wasn't talking to you about that kind of stuff. Even when it was about girls. Mom was the one who gave us the talk. Mom was the one who always asked us who we were dating and what we were up to. You and I talked only ever about sports. Or how I should be treating Charlie.”Alan grunted. “Your mother was always better at handling the awkward stuff. But, Donnie, we talked about more than sports and Charlie when you were a kid.”“No, Dad. Not really.”Alan grunted, surprised and troubled.“So, honestly, I couldn't know for sure if you would be comfortable with having a bisexual son. I thought for sure Mom told you, but then you never brought it up, so I thought… that was the way you wanted it.”Alan shook his head, “Look at us, huh? More similar than we realized!”“I love you, Pop. I didn't want to hide anything from you, it just seemed easier that way. Especially after I left baseball.”“What do you mean?”“Well, for a while it hurt too much to talk about sports so then we suddenly didn't have anything to talk about and, you know, I guess it just felt like you had enough reason to not like me, so why add to it?”Alan held up his hands, “Donnie, I love you. And I like you, too. So we don't see eye to eye on some things. And so we have differing interests. But you're my boy and you always will be.”“Thanks, Pop.”***That night, Don and Larry returned to the apartment, too emotionally raw to speak the entire drive. Don showered first and when Larry finally climbed the stairs after his wash, he did so prepared to open a light hearted negotiation. He wished to cut the long hair, finding it far too much work to dry—but the sight of Don sitting on the edge of the bed, lost in what looked like some very serious, somber thoughts, stopped him from breaching the playful topic at this time.Instead, Larry left the towel around his shoulders and knelt on the floor at Don's knees. Don focused on him, grinning bashfully. Perhaps he had been praying. Larry took his hands,
“How do you feel?”Don grinned, “No regrets.”“Good.” Larry parted Don's knees, leaning in.“Actually,” Don said, catching Larry's face. “Can we just sleep? You can let me hold you, like we did out in the cabin, maybe?”It was a first for Larry, to share a bed with a romantic partner without coitus. He enjoyed it immensely and lay there as the little spoon for hours after Don fell asleep, just feeling him breathe.
The next morning, Larry brought it up before they got out of bed, how just sleeping next to someone without sex first had been a brand new experience, and one he cherished. It triggered that heartbreaker smile.“Really?”Larry shrugged. “I suppose, in the past, if I was not in need of physical release, I would retreat into my work. Hence the poor track record in the dating department.”“You and Megan seemed pretty solid.”“Ah, Megan… she was like a unicorn. Beautiful, intelligent, funny. She was the first to truly respect my need for space to work, to help me find the variables that worked for me to be able to balance it all. But the established pattern we landed on meant she and I only ever saw each other when we wanted sex.”Don raised his eyebrows, grinning, “Sort of like what we were doing before you left.”“Exactly what we were doing before I left. But I left her, too.”“For work, Larry. She got that. I was there. She was so proud of you for seeing your dream of going into space a reality.”“Hmm. And yet I returned to find fractures in what I had built with her.”Don’s brow crinkled. “So why not fight for her? Why not do the work to fix what was broken?”“Because our time apart had only highlighted how our compatibility was all an illusion. She had greater needs than even she had realized, and when she found the courage to face those needs, it was time for us to part ways.” There was a loaded pause and Larry forced himself to meet Don’s eyes even though it cost him something to do it.It hung in the air between them, that which Larry lacked the courage to ask outright. Now that Donald had found courage to face himself, to show more of himself to his family, did he need Larry in quite the same way as before?Don dragged him across the sheets, and buried his nose in Larry's armpit, then the sweaty crook of his neck. His baby-bear rumble of satisfaction said it all.
Larry's relief gave way to a love so powerful it ached. He got hard, but that went unnoticed in their warm cozy nest of domestic bliss. Don continued the conversation with a lazy little,“And now? What'd you find when you came back this time?”“You. Waiting for me. Miraculously waiting. Even after all that time.”Don’s eyes fell away and he murmured, hurt, “It was a long time.”“I know. I know. Please forgive me for disappearing without so much as a postcard and for so long.”“Ah,” Don said with a cavalier tone, going for humor, no doubt. “Who here hasn't put work first without strictly needing to?”That forgiveness did not come close to matching the sincerity of the apology. But what to do about it was lost on Larry. He swallowed an uncomfortable fizz creeping up his throat, and continued with his point, all thrusters burning in a desperate bid to earn more than that.“I will never leave like that again. I have achieved the goal of my entire career. And now, I'm at the start of a brand new chapter of my life. There is nothing my theory requires from me while the super computer crunches the numbers. That means nothing at all will distract me or prevent me from focusing my attention on those who need me most right now.”Don lifted his disheveled head, and the expression on his face bespoke deep contemplation. His lashes veiled his eyes, and through prim lips he mumbled,“You know, I-I need you the most.”The fizz settled, nulled by the vulnerability in that little stutter. Larry succumbed to the zero gravity of unconditional love. “And I need you, because my love for you, Donald, is a—somewhat alarming—fixed state of being.”He snickered, bashful. “It feels crazy, doesn't it?”“Eh, perhaps crazy in how not crazy it feels.”“Yeah. That's it. Alarmingly crazy not-crazy love.”Don shifted close enough to feel his arousal. His lips parted on breath, and he snickered again, this time with excitement. Larry caged him with his legs and felt the delightful sensation of Don's arousal flaring to life against him.The phone rang. Work. Don's face creased with a humor born of grace. “You gotta be kidding me.”“Oh sweet irony.” Larry mused. They separated, laughing at life's funny timing. Don answered the cell, saying sternly, “one sec, David.”He muffled it, looked Larry in the eye. “I love you.”Caught off guard, Larry pressed his face into a pillow, screamed a little, and then looked back at him. “I love you.”Their gazes locked. Don's chest hitched. Larry, very conscious of the open phone line, made a shoo motion, “Now, go, go save lives. You know where to find me.”“Happy floating.” Don gave him a smooch and then took the call.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
An undeniable sense of change was in the air. It could not all be credited to Springtime, either. Anywhere Larry looked, he saw growth. Don no longer wore his trademark jeans and black-tee to work. His closet was now filled with suits, blazers, and fashionable shirts of many colors. He delegated workloads, and stayed out of the field. Charlie and Amita had accepted a prestigious job offer in Cambridge and were considering a destination wedding. Even Alan was working for a computer software company, of all places. Onwards and to the future.Oh, the bright and happy future.Larry relished his new purpose of contemplating what was to come, cosmically but also spiritually, romantically– politically.
The good fight for the recognition of same-sex marriage in the Golden State was not yet won, and yet Alan’s none-to-subtle remarks made it abundantly clear that it was not only recognized in the Eppes family, but very much expected to occur.He and Don treaded lightly around it, same as one avoided stepping on a tender shoot in a freshly laid flowerbed. They had come Out only a week ago, and needed time. (Alan’s stern looks said plainly that sixteen months was plenty.)
But not every wrinkle in the Eppes family dynamic had been fully ironed out on the subject.
Just like 18 years ago when Larry first broached the topic, Charlie deflected at every opportunity. He was much more subtle now, of course, often letting the family speak of it for whole minutes before a masterful redirect to the case at hand.When it became clear that the Eppes men had –so, so quickly– regressed into old habits, deciding to let things lie rather than kick up a fuss, Larry knew he had to take action.
Don was still at work when Larry stepped into the garage. Amita was sitting on the couch, innocently unaware of the passions that had transpired there. She looked up from her laptop and smiled. Charlie, lost in the math, didn't spot him.“Hello, Charles.”The staccato of the chalk skipped a beat as Charlie glanced over his shoulder. He went back to work with a pointed, “Lawrence.”Amita winced and gave him a loaded look. She was clearly the one who had harangued Charlie into allowing safe spaces for the subject, but this look promised there was more to it. Larry understood that now, and quietly marveled at his own blind spot. Don wasn't the only complex and misunderstood man on the planet. Somehow in the chaos of raising their Flags, Larry and Don had climbed onto a pedestal and begun looking down on everyone else, as if their issues were somehow smaller. Huh.“You're still upset with me.” Larry said, guessing the heart of the problem. After all, Charlie had shared every bloom of hope he’d ever had about Amita, and yet Larry had breathed not a single word about his feelings for Don. It had been a betrayal, plain and simple.Charlie shrugged, face passive. “I'm over it. Happy for you. Really.”“But….?” Larry pressed.Charlie sighed and put the chalk down. He rubbed an eyebrow. “But I'm a little worried about you, too.”This came as something of a surprise. “Whatever for?”Charlie actually smirked. “You and Don. It makes sense, oddly enough, but that's the problem.”Now Larry was really confused. He looked at Amita, who was wound tight and keeping her mouth shut, eyes on her fiance.Charlie pushed air out his nose. “Don always runs from things that are too good.” he shook his head at the lost cause, “I can't help but feel like Don is going to do what he always does, and run away. I don't want to see you get hurt.”“Charlie, Don has been doing a lot of work on himself,” Amita cut in. “Who’s to say he will run this time? He and Larry have been together for over a year. That's promising.”“He got that far with Robin and then he bailed for no reason.” Charlie huffed lightly and picked up his chalk like that was the end of discussion.Larry huffed in astonishment. “Do you mean to tell me that Donald never told you why he and Robin broke up?”“He just said it was over between them, ‘because it was time’.”“Why? What really happened?” Amita asked, sensing some salacious gossip.Larry hesitated to spill the beans. It was Don’s story to tell. But then he thought of Don's bifurcated Outing. Two reveals twenty years apart, because, having explained it once, Don would rather leave certain things to be retold by someone else.“Robin revealed herself to possess a rather interesting blend of anti-Semitism and atheism. Simultaneously belittling Jewish faith specifically, while scoffing at the notion of God in general.”“Wow,” Amita said, stunned. “She seemed so nice. So intelligent. I can't believe she could be so… bigoted.”“And the most heartbreaking part of all, Donald forgave her.”Amita gasped. “No.”Larry nodded. “He allowed her space to hold her opinion separate from his, but she couldn't be content with that arrangement. She was compelled to convince him there is no God. As if his differing opinions of existence somehow threatened her own.”Charlie swallowed bile and rasped, “Y’know, I never liked her.”Larry smiled a little, nodding, eyes unfocused as he slipped into lecture mode. “Now, imagine if Donald had done the thing Donald truly always does, and he acted impervious to all of that? For the sake of keeping those around him happy, he sacrificed something. What if he had married such a person anyway, and convinced himself all was fine? Do any of us believe he could have ever found true happiness?”Amita was on the verge of tears. She shook her head. Charlie, meanwhile, looked a little pale yet….charmed. He was staring at Larry with a twinkle in his eye.“You really get Don, don't you?”“He's been a point of interest since I've known him, and has been a focus of deeper study for nearly a year and a half.” Larry rocked onto his toes, hands slipping into his pockets. “Yes, I fancy myself something of an expert on the subject.”Charlie laughed. The tension broke. Everyone breathed a little deeper. Then Charlie swallowed loudly.
“Speaking of being an expert. Are you ever going to share with us your great theory?”Larry groaned. “Fine. Okay. I suppose I have kept it guarded long enough.”His former students eagerly gathered on the couch to hear his lecture. Before explaining his radical idea for it, Larry began by covering the current understanding of the cosmos, the differing theories of what shape the cosmos was even in. And, based on those shapes, the four prevailing unproven theories of the future of the universe. Was it flat as a sheet of paper and forever expanding into eternity? Was it a sphere that would expand until it lost all momentum and all heat and froze at absolute zero? Or would the sphere one day stop expanding, crunching back in on itself in a fiery cataclysm? He had barely gotten started on the good stuff when Amita perked up, grinned and pointed behind Larry.Larry pivoted, and spotted Don coming toward him with that heartstopper smile. He spared the chalkboard a glance. “Oh, look at this. H, omega, lamda. Yeah, I know this. Looks like you're finally sharing your theory, huh, babe?”Charlie's jaw dropped. “You've already heard it?”“Yeah, a couple times,” Don rumbled, studying the board, “I'm almost starting to get it, too. Omega is greater than one, which means we are in a sphere, but the raspberry theorem suggests the sphere of the universe is in an eversion.”“An eversion?” Charlie exclaimed. Amita gasped and covered her mouth.Don looked perplexed. Larry gave him a warm smile. “I haven't quite got that far yet, darling.”“Oh, shit.” He snickered boyishly, “Sorry to wreck the reveal.”“It's okay. This is good for my data. How people take in the broad strokes. Yes. The universe is actively turning itself inside out without ripping or creating any creases.” Larry said, taking in their stunned expressions.Don snickered. “Okay. Well, you know I love to hear you talk about differential topology, Lare, but the game’s on, so I’ll leave you to it.”Larry waved and Don vanished. Charlie slumped against the couch and huffed. “So, you guys… you two really talk about everything, huh?”“Of course they do!” Amita said.Comprehension made Larry cross his arms. “You, perhaps, thought I pander to his likes and interests, and keep my intellectual pursuits to myself?”Charlie looked guilty, held his breath, and then sighed. “I guess I did, man. And I'm sorry. But hey, I'm glad I was wrong.”“See, Charlie?” Amita said, “You've got nothing to worry about. They love each other as much as we love each other.”Charlie brimmed with happiness, kissed her, and then tilted his head. He gave Larry a searching look, “So when are you going to marry my brother?”Larry scoffed, laughed, and groaned. “Can we just talk about the inevitable eversion of all of space and time?”“Absolutely.” Charlie agreed. He shot to his feet, going for chalk. “Space is turning itself inside out!?”“But what drives the fabric of the universe to take on this complex shift in shape, Larry?”“I affectionately call it the raspberry theorem…”A spirited academic debate launched and all was right in the world.
****For Don, coming out was less about breaking free as it was tearing down his own walls. He had lived decades in a rigidly compartmentalized lifestyle. It had taken a lot of hard work on himself to reach this point where his family life and his work life and his private life could overlap, blend. The notion of coming out at work still gave him the sweats only because he knew it would have to be an announcement this time. That whole playing it cool thing just didn't go as he imagined.So he found Liz on her lunch break and she instantly clocked his nerves and hesitation during the initial small talk. She put an elbow on the back of the bench and said, “Don, whatever it is, just say it.”“I’m dating someone. A man.” He said.Her jaw dropped. She stopped breathing. Then she huffed with amusement. “That was unexpected.”His stomach curdled. If not even Liz guessed the truth then this was going to be a giant bombshell for the rest of the team. He tried to stay calm. “I wanted to talk to you first, before the rest of the team heard it, so you could, y’know, prepare for what they're gonna say.”Nodding sagely, she said, “They’ll want to know if I knew you swung both ways.”“Yeah,” he said primly. “What are you going to say? I’ll back up whatever it is.”“Thanks, but it depends... Did you know? When we were together?” she asked.He held his breath and then nodded. She leaned forward empathically. “Don, we were together over a year and you never shared such a fundamental fact about yourself?”Looking and sounding like a fish on a hook, he shrugged. “I know. I’m sorry. Really. I just had everything so compartmentalized back then. I was with a woman, so the other side had nothing at all to do with it.” He took a breath, licked his lips, shook his head.Liz narrowed her eyes, but stayed silent, forcing a confession with a vacuum of silence. Don was proud of her for that more than anything, and gladly kept explaining himself.He smiled and leaned back. “But, y’know, obviously that wasn't sustainable, and then that barrier came down, and now…” his face creased with a bashful grin, “I think I might be happier than I've ever been. Ever—and that isn't to say you didn't make happy, cuz you did—”She cut him off with a hand to his knee, a gentle squeeze. “I'm not mad. I’m happy for you.”“Really?”“I think we both spent a lot of our time together pretending one thing or another. But I wouldn't change any of it.”“Fond memories,” Don agreed.“So tell me about the guy.”“It's Larry,” he said, incidentally timing it perfectly for a spit take.She cleaned her mouth with her sleeve.“ Fleinhardt?!”Don threw his head back and laughed.By the end of their lunch break, Liz had the facts and permission to spread the hot gossip as far and wide as she wished. She shook her head.“Nuhuh, boss. If you want the team to know, you gotta tell ‘em.”Don dropped his head back petulantly. “Liz, please, just break it to them for me.”“C'mon, don't chicken out now. You did great telling me. Just tell them.”“But,” he pained, “Colby and David, and all the other guys—it is going to be so awkward.”“Why? They're not going to be assholes. They care about you, Don.”On some level he knew that. On a deeper level that only ever craved validation from tough, strong men, he still felt scared.They returned to the office to find Larry in a conference room with the rest of the team. David was laughing. Colby was hunched over. By their postures and expressions as he came through the door, Don could tell that they knew. He exhaled, and met Larry's eye.“Did you tell them?”****Larry had, and it had gone something like this:“Before we begin,” Larry said, with a flippant hand wave at the math for the latest case, “I have an announcement to make.”All eyes riveted to him with curiosity, he said, “In the spirit of full disclosure among teammates, I find myself in a committed relationship with the boss, and I hope that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.”Colby's brow crunched. “What boss? Who's he talkin’ about?”“Donald.” Larry said.David, beaming, hid his mouth behind his hand. Nikki rocked back in her wheely chair. “I knew it!”“Knew what?” Colby demanded.Larry took pity on Colby. Meeting his eye, he broke it down kindly, “Donald and I both identify as bisexual men, and have done so for decades. Over this last year, we have developed strong feelings for each other that will no longer go denied.”“Hey, that's…” David struggled for the right word, still smiling, “Good for you man, both of you.”“Colby?” Nikki said, pulling him from a kind of stupor. “How ya doin’ with this?”“Shut up.” He shifted around, shoulders close to his ears. “Why do you think I'd have a problem with this? If anybody is going to feel weird, it’d be Liz, right?”“What makes you think she didn't know?” Nikki asked. “They coulda been having some real fun with it.”“What, like, pegging?!” Colby balked.Larry let out air as if he just unexpectedly caught a medicine ball.Nikki, cool as ever, said slyly, “Yeah, what do you know about it, Granger?”David’s laugh filled the room. He and Nikki gave the crimson Colby some comradery nudges and back slaps. Larry felt heat under his own collar and hoped to divert the topic back to the case at hand, but then Don and Liz arrived. Everyone perked up.Don’s gaze swept the room and hooked on Larry with a soft smile.“Did you tell them?”Larry nodded. David said, “Yeah, congrats, man.”“How exactly did you know?” Colby asked Nikki.Don looked around at everyone, landing on Betancourt. “What, she guessed?”“Allegedly,” Colby challenged.“Like I was telling you,” she said glibly, “ladies like bisexual men. Switching it up from time to time. Right, Liz?”“Or tagging in the occasional guy friend,” Liz said, with a poke at Colby’s shoulder, garnering catcalls. (Unseen by the others, Larry and Don’s eyes glanced off one another guiltily.)“Okay. I see how it's gonna be.” Colby said.“No, now that's enough,” Don said, “This is a lot of fun, but it is a workplace, so let's get to work, okay? Lare? What did you guys come up with?”****One evening, Alan looked up from his crossword puzzle and experienced one of those surreal moments where he saw his life and what it had become. He was sitting in his living room, his usual chair, watching a hockey game, and he was surrounded by his family. The surreal part was that everyone was doing well in life, everyone was happy . He knew they would be okay without him, which was all any parent wanted to know.Charlie sat on one end of the loveseat, grading papers on the armrest. Laying with her head in his lap, Amita had her knees drawn up to balance her clipboard as she, too, graded papers. And on the couch, Don watched the game while he lay along the length of the couch with his head in Larry's lap. Larry ran his fingers in idle circles through Don's hair as he divided his attention between the game and the academic journal in his other hand.Alan must have believed he would never see both his sons settled and happy at the same time, because he was getting choked up just looking at it.
A goal made Don groan and shout, “Aw, c’mon! Did you come to play today, or what, man?”Larry chuckled and said, “It seems he has forgotten his objective is to keep the puck out of the net.”Don blew air through his lips and murmured, “tell me about it,” and snuggled into Larry's leg and the twirl of fingers on his scalp with a contented sigh.Alan marveled at how much it softened his hard as nails son to relax into the caress of another man like that. Don must have felt Alan’s eyes on him, because his attention cut that way and his eyebrows dipped.“What?”Alan shrugged. “Nothing.” He couldn't begin to articulate how delighted he was to see Don so happy, so himself , in the gentle aura of Larry’s open affection. How could he tell his son that it felt as if he was seeing him, the real him, for the first time? How could he say, I like you like this, Donnie , without implying that he had not liked him before?“Alan, is everything okay?” Larry asked.Alan removed his glasses and dabbed at his eyes. “Yes, yes, fine. Please, don't mind me. Something, uh, something made me think of Margaret. That’s all.”A beat and Charlie said, “Mom used to lay with her head in your lap.”Everyone looked around the room, all of them noting that Alan was the only one not enjoying the position of domestic bliss with the love of his life. Air left Don's nose, a bashful little laugh, when he realized he was in his mother's position. Meanwhile, Amita made a soft little noise of compassion for Alan but Alan waved it off.“I'm fine. I'm fine. It's the way things go. I'm just—I’m just so happy to have a daughter and three sons.”“Daaad,” Don intoned, proving that he had detected Alan’s mood was indeed all about him and his self actualization.“I love being your daughter, Alan,” Amita said.Larry made an intonation of agreement and said. “Alan, I will refrain from calling myself your son, but I am deeply touched to be counted among your family.”A snap and air horn on the screen and Don groaned, “Ahhh! You kidding me?”“Where the hell is our defensive line?” Larry immediately asked, throwing his arms up in outrage.“ Ack ,” Charlie groused. “We were all having a really nice moment, and you guys ruined it.”“A nice moment?” Larry squawked. “How can we have a nice moment while we are being eviscerated in the playoffs?!”Chuckling, Alan put his glasses back on and returned to his puzzle.***Don got up for some fresh beers. He was filled with sudden energy and just needed to move. Life was definitely different now, cuddling with a guy in front of Dad and Charlie like that? The old him never would have put money on that happening, not in a million years.
Now that it had, and the cosmos didn't end, he felt good. He felt like he had put down a huge weight he had been carrying around. With no part of himself hidden away, he felt love coming at him from all sides.He opened a bottle and sipped it, quietly tracing back the decisions and events in his life that had brought him here, to this perfect evening. He had been standing alone in the kitchen for long enough that his thoughts turned to his faith when the door swung open.Larry stepped into the kitchen with empties and raised eyebrows. “There's been further discussion on the matter, and it seems now Charlie and Amita wish to wed before they leave.”They were due to leave in four days. Don kicked off from the counter. “What, so like this week?”“Tomorrow. They've crunched the numbers and determined which elements are most crucial to them both, and all are readily at hand, thus giving no reason for any further delay.”“Alright, good for them. So they're doing a justice of the peace thing after all, huh?” He was delighted to have been right all along. It was not often he had better ideas than Charlie.“Actually, after just one twenty minute online course, I will be able to officiate.”“I love that.” Don said, leaning in to kiss him. “You're the most romantic guy around. Of course it should be you. So where is this happening? Here at the house?”“As I left the room, they were considering a small ceremony on the campus where they met.”“Awe,” Don said, only a little sarcastic. Truthfully, he liked the idea. CalSci meant so much to Charlie.Larry sighed with agreement. The bottles clinked as he placed them in the sink beside Don. Then he leaned there, smiling. “We met on that campus, do you remember?”Don did. He was twenty two, home from his minor league spring training for the weekend, visiting Mom and Dad, and he had been forced to visit Dr. Eppes, the new professor at CalSci. A thirty seven year old Larry had been lounging in a chair in Charlie's office playing with a Rubik's cube. Don distinctly remembered wondering if the guy even saw him, he'd seemed so checked out, so lost in thought.Now Larry was smiling at him, his eyes no longer hazy but clear and focused and shining. He said, “Charlie's big brother, the professional baseball player, walked into his office and I completely forgot how to solve that Rubik's cube. I couldn't even look right at you.”Chortling, Don teased, “Yeah? You were perving on me?”Larry's eyes flashed lustily as his cheeks pinked. “You were legal.”Don was thrilled and wanted to hear more. He glanced around at the door and deemed this time and place to be inappropriate. “We're going to talk about this in detail later.”“Your wish is my command,” Larry said.Don smiled and sipped his new beer. He swished the cold beverage over his tongue, swallowed and then asked, “Do you want to get married?“To you? Yes.”
A rocket blast off happened in Don's chest, ignited by the complete lack of hesitation in that answer. He soared. “I know it wouldn't be legal but, I think it'd be nice to stand up together with everyone around and show them we’re all in, y'know?”By the light in Larry's eyes, he did know. He wrapped his arms around Don's waist. “But would a public acknowledgement of a homosexual commitment interfere in some way with your advancement in a federal agency?”Legally, no. There were new laws in place. But socially? Don shrugged, “So what if it does? I'm not a lifer.”Larry raised an eyebrow. “And what of your reputation?”Don grunted. “Yeah. All I used to care about was impressing the tough guys, but …. I kinda feel like it's all an act with them. They're all just pretending to have things figured out. But you? Man, the way you talk, and when I look in your eyes….” their gazes locked. Don felt his nose wrinkle from the force of his smile. “You are the answer. You're everything to me.”Saying it felt so damn good, Don’s heart raced. Larry’s eyebrows dipped and he pitched forward into a kiss and then a hug. “Donald.”He closed his eyes against the flood of emotions stirred up in him whenever Larry said his name like that. The best he could do in response was an attempt to mirror it with a softly croaked, “Larry.”They held onto each other for who knew how long before Larry swelled with an intake of breath. “If you are sure.”Don squeezed him closer, promising, “We are more important to me.” He frowned and asked, “It wouldn't interfere with your career, would it?”“Not in the slightest. And a public spiritual commitment ceremony would appease your father.”“Right? And Charlie n ‘Mita, you know, there's no telling how long Cambridge will keep them, right? Visiting professorships, they start out short but usually roll into two or three years, right?”“Typically.” Larry answered against his shoulder.“So it makes sense for us the same way it makes sense for them. It could be a while before we're all together again.”Larry pulled back enough to see his face. “Ah, so you're planning on making this happen soon.”“Well, yeah, I was thinking: tomorrow.”“Tomorrow?”Don took a beat, relocked his hands at the small of Larry's back, and asked, “Will you marry me tomorrow?”“Yes!” Larry squawked. Don exhaled and laughed, but Larry stopped another kiss by asking, “But wouldn't we be stealing thunder from Charles and Amita’s big day?”“I thought it would be sweet. Brothers married on the same day.” Don headed for the living room, and Larry kept up with him. “Besides, he stole my thunder, how many times now? Graduating from highschool on the same day as me, becoming a doctor when I got a bachelor’s,” there was a playful light in his eyes, “This’s payback.”Larry shrieked and covered his forehead with a palm. “I love you, Donald, but I think this should be put to Amita before we make any firm plans.”“What should be put to me?” Amita asked.Charlie frowned and asked, “What's payback?”“Me n Larry want to get married,” Don announced with confidence. Alan slapped his crossword across his knee and Charlie guffawed and Amita stood up, an expression of pure delight and excitement on her face. Don grinned at them, “And I was thinking we could do it tomorrow. Double wedding. Make it an Eppes brother thing.”“If the bride is okay with it,” Larry insisted.Amita’s smile only got brighter. She looked back at Charlie, who had a wobbliness in his smile. He stood to put an arm around Amita and meet Don eye to eye. “You want that? To share such a special day with me?”“I know I was a nightmare about this kinda thing when we were kids but, I do, Chuck. What d’ya say? Amita?”Charlie looked to Amita for permission. She was squirming in place, seeming barely able to contain herself. “Oh my gosh, I love it!”“Yeah?”“Yes! But, Larry, you're officiating us, who's going to officiate you?”“Per the outrageous law of this state, our union will not be strictly legal so I suppose… anyone.”“Chuck?” Don asked. Larry nodded.Charlie looked surprised. Larry shrugged, “You are my best friend.”“No,” Charlie said. He surged forward and captured Larry in a hug. “We’ll be brothers,
man! Yes, yes! I do!--I mean, I’m in. Let's do it!”Laughter and hugs abound. Amita started talking a mile a minute about the arrangements. Alan wiped at his eyes and stood to shake Larry's hand. “I don't know what to say, except… Well, it's about damn time!”Larry thumped him on the arm and squeezed. Next, Alan shook Don's hand and then hugged him. They had hugged at regular intervals through Don's life but this was different. Chest to chest, neither pulled away immediately.“I'm so happy for you, son. And your mother would be so proud.”Don's eyes stung, welled with tears, and he laughed as the hug ended. "I know."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ian Edgerton walked into the FBI, and approached some long haired biker guy helping himself to the tea percolator. Since witnesses were not allowed in this break room, he dropped a heavy hand on the guy's shoulder.“Sorry, sir, but this room is off lim–”
When he turned, Ian recognized the face beneath the full beard. “ Flintstone?”“It's Fleinhardt, as I've told you many times.”“Right. Wow, professor, what happened? Did you join a gang since I last saw you?”“Several, in a sense.” Larry adjusted the leather vest he had on over jeans and t shirt, then flashed a wedding band. “I have found true love and domestic bliss. He and I are proud members of a group of weekend warriors who cruise the highways as often as time allows, and, as I've volunteered to fill Charlie's role as math consultant around here, I'm too often called in at the last minute, to help serve Justice. I didn't have time to change.”Ian had only ever gotten a strong asexual vibe from the professor before now, so the wedding band came as more of a shock than the gay thing. “Congratulations.”He grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the boss’s office. The name plate said plain old Don Eppes, but inside, Ian found a highly polished version of the man. Slicked hair, expensive clothes, and a general vibe of someone fully rested, hydrated, and taken care of carnally.“Have I stepped into a twilight zone?” Ian asked.Don snickered and looked up from some papers. “You saw Larry? Yeah, he's getting a lot of that today. That vest,” he pushed air through his teeth and shook his head as he signed forms.Ian’s brows moved closer together and he sipped. “Yeah, but you as well.”“Me?”“You look like a whole new man. What's the secret?”He shrugged humbly. “I swim a lot more.”Ian leveled a look at him and he grinned. “What do you want from me? I guess true love and domestic bliss just changes a man.”Ian's face fell. “Wait.”Don turned a wedding band on his finger, feigning innocence. “What?”Ian's jaw dropped. He looked through the glass walls at the unkempt biker brainiac and huffed. “Him?”Don looked too. “Him.”Ian took a moment, maybe two, to get his head around it. He scoffed and shook his head, "I can't BELIEVE you didn't invite me to the wedding!"Genuinely caught out, Don could only let his jaw gape and scoff and say, "Sorry man, it was a spur of the moment thing. We wanted it done before Charlie and Amita left for London."Ian was grinning, eyes sparkling with mirth so Don knew his outrage had only been in jest. He pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes at his buddy and his jokes.Ian looked back at Larry for a few seconds, then at Don and then he huffed and shook his head. “That's what I love about this office, you guys keep me on my toes. So what's the case, boss? Who do I gotta find?”
Fin