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Max didn’t particular want to go back to Seattle.There was a sense of defeat all over her as Chloe drove, an anxiety so strong that not even their big fluffy dog between them laying her head on her lap could fix.Having to resort to returning back to her parents felt like it was reopening old wounds. This was not the same thing as what she had to choose when standing beneath that lighthouse (she had to keep reminding herself that), but it still ached the same. Making a choice that she knew was for the better, but still made her feel like she failed all over again.They only lasted so long out on the road by themselves. As much as they loved Rocky, the sweet fluffy girl and all her mischief, she only added to the expenses and how hard traveling with such little space was. But Max couldn’t blame the dog. She knew that even if they’d never found her, this wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyways. Gas and motels were expensive, and with their budget decreasing they were running out of areas to travel to. When Chloe’s funds ran out, Max’s parents had been generous to now and then send Max over some money to use. It was when they started being a bit weird and off about it when she’d asked for probably the 15th time, that she knew this was over.It wasn’t just the loss of being able to travel that had made her dread the return home though, it was the guilt. The fact that she had parents she could go to. A bed she could sleep in and a building she could at the very least pretend to call home. Chloe didn’t get that luxury.Chloe had once told her she deserved to be selfish. That no one should have had to make that choice. It still didn’t feel fair though.But she also said she didn’t have to make decisions on her own anymore. And Chloe had certainly committed to that.They had talked about it for a good long while one night in the car, trying to figure out where they could go next with the little they still had scraped together. Max had phrased it more as a joke, in the hopes that maybe going back could be one, and they could somehow discover some much better option. Chloe had been the one to push on it, reassure her that she wouldn’t mind it as long as her parents were still cool with it, and they could figure out something from there. It wasn’t a permanent thing.——When they finally got there Max didn’t even want to be here one night.Max loved her parents, she really did, but there was a disconnect that was just painfully visible from the start. When she’d texted them to ask if their offer still stood, they’d seemed delighted, and when they finally arrived (she tried not to think about how suffocating the tall buildings felt. How big and lonely the city still was.) they had doted on her for a bit, asking how the open road was, if she was okay, how Chloe was doing, where they found Rocky, that they were glad they were both safe. After a lot of lying and forcing a happy yet tired smile, it was a little too easy to keep a safe wall up. To just not talk about things yet, of just being an awkward amount of distant, one end filled with a concern they were too fearful to push on, the other being filled with a fear too naturally kept hidden.It made her feel horrible, as she took Chloe and Rocky up to her room to help them settle in for the night. She knew Chloe missed Joyce. She’d opened up to her about that a few times now, whether it was through bitter words or sobbed out confessions. She knew the other would give anything in the world to get to talk to her parents again, and here was Max, finally being back with hers and deciding to hide away and pretend it was all normal. Like the fact that she knew they loved her so much, enough to let her go to Blackwell even if it was far from them, and to help her pack her things even when it made them cry, and take her to hockey games or buy her movies to watch or get her candy on the way home from work, to love and support her all of her life, and yet repay them by pretending she didn’t feel like a shell of a person, just barely hanging on and terrified of every shadow in the room, wasn’t another super selfish thing she was doing.She was still just selfish selfish selfish. Chloe was wrong. She didn’t deserve to let herself be that.Later that night her girlfriend had found her in the bathroom staring at the scars on her arms, one hand gripping over them tightly with her nails slightly digging into the skin. After she led her back to bed Chloe didn’t leave her by herself for a couple days.——There was only so much she could do to pretend everything was fine.It was around Halloween where her parents finally revealed just how much they had noticed. There had been a silent wall between them, as Max grew up. A wall with a sign that read that Max’s emotions were her own to bottle up in her chest and deal with by herself, and that any attempt her parents could make at reaching over to express concern would only make that wall become higher. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust them. She knew they loved her. She loved them too. But talking about the heavy stuff had never felt easy, never like something to be pushed upon.And this? How do you do anything but hide behind the wall with this?With the little bit of excitement in her life, through Chloe making them plans to put together pirate costumes and rent horror movies and buy candy and have a fun spooky night, that reason to keep getting out of bed hadn’t even made the brunette realize the cracks in the wall had grown till it toppled over. Chloe had still been asleep when Max’s parents had sat her down in the living room for a talk, and she had just been waking up when the shorter of the two walked into her room, clearly shaken up, her movements antsy and a mix of emotions on her face.Still half asleep, Chloe had asked if everything was okay, and when Max took a little too long to respond, the blue haired girl just patted the space next to her before she could finally get a word out. Max immediately took the offer and crawled onto the bed next to her, leaning into Chloe’s side and staring at the blanket until she quietly spoke.“They want me to go to therapy.” It was funny how one sentence could hold so much meaning. But Chloe was no mind reader, and Max was grateful that she remained quiet and listening as she found the words to go off.She explained to Chloe that she’d gone once before, when they had just moved to Seattle and it was very obvious Max was not adjusting very well to a new school and new house but no one knew what else to do, and that the best thing to come out of it had been her anxiety disorder and autism diagnosis because other than that? She’d been treated like a small child with confusing to unreasonable worries, and like everything she was struggling with would go away thanks to a couple reminders. They didn’t question it thankfully when she asked one night before they went to bed if she could stop.They wanted her to give it another go, because they knew whatever had happened to make her want to stay away for over a week instead of come home was something she wouldn’t talk to them about (and boy had that stung to hear, especially when they sounded so lost. So defeated. Her dad had teared up during the conversation and Max had never felt so far from her own body since the storm first hit), and Max admitted she was scared it’d be like that again. Her insecurities being confirmed that her problems were still just things she was being unreasonable and selfish over.With a little bit of prompting, Chloe also got her to admit that she also didn’t know how to talk about things still. That Chloe was the only person she was comfortable doing that with, and even then it was still hard. She still couldn’t get it all out without choking on the words or shutting down, or just outright not knowing how to verbalize it. A storm inside her own head constantly brewing unless the rain and wind leaked out a bit.Chloe had kept an arm wrapped around her the entire time, gently rubbing her arm as she listened. When Max was done, she leaned her head against the side of the brunette’s.Chloe talked about how counseling was the closest thing she had ever done to therapy, and how she agreed it tended to be bullshit, for various reasons. Reasons very different than Max’s (she recalled the brief conversation they had outside of Blackwell the night after Kate-… after what happened to Kate, about how Chloe’s councilor nailing her issues made them her ex councilor) but it was still comforting nonetheless to not be the only one hating therapy.But then, a little quieter, she said that “Maybe you should try it again, though.”She talked about how she knows that things are still difficult, even when Max tries to hide it. That she hates the days she doesn’t know what to do to help.Grabbing her hands and squeezing them, Chloe told her that she loves her, so much, and she just wants her to be able to feel okay again, any method necessary.Max could find no strength left in her not to agree with that. To fight against the sheer amount of worry and care for her, the guilt in her stomach.The other was not able to celebrate a victory of Max agreeing to give it a try, however, because immediately she squeezed her hand and hit the taller with the fact that she feels the same. That she hates when she’s not able to help either, and that Chloe deserves it just as much as she does.The blue haired girl tried to laugh it off, joking that “this isn’t about me right now, Maximus.” But she wouldn’t let it go.“Please.” She quietly begged. There was a lot she wanted to say.
You’ve needed it a lot longer than I have. Everytime you push everything down to hold me and focus on me I feel sick and I can’t be the one to stop letting that happen. I hate that I can’t be the one to help right now. I want to get better for you. I want to know if you’d want the same.
Instead she opted for pulling the partner's card. Half heartedly joking that they always do everything together, why should this be any different.Max had no idea how she did it without it resulting in a fight, or Chloe blowing up because she was well aware the last thing the other ever wanted to do was be open.But one way or another, Vanessa Caulfield ended up helping two girls fill out the paperwork online that night.—The first appointment being awkward was something that seemed to never really change.This woman was nice at least. Long blonde hair, green glasses, patient smile. She sort of gave the vibe of a kindergarten teacher.Max just mainly talked about herself for the first half. She went to school here until Blackwell for her senior year, she was living with her parents and girlfriend right now (there was no comment or change in demeanor at that mention, so not homophobic. Big check mark on the boxes so far.), she grew up liking photography, she journals a lot, and she hadn’t even realized she’d gone off onto an infodump about her favorite video games until she realized her therapist was actively asking questions about the ones she was talking about.Despite the start of the serious questions coming right at the end it was still enough to leave Max feeling icky and heavy when Chloe picked her up. Yes she was there for the storm that hit her hometown. Yes she didn’t really know how to talk about anything yet. Yes she had a good relationship with her parents, and despite that they didn’t know anything really. Yknow, all the normal stuff to make her shut down in the car ride back home and want to do nothing but curl up in a blanket for the rest of her life.Chloe threw on a movie for them to watch in her room, snuggled together in her bed, and thankfully she could excuse the sobbing her eyes out for the sad ending.—Chloe’s first appointment was the day before Halloween.She was antsy the entire time before, and a little bit snippish. Max got it though, she really did. But she doubted the other would want to hear that, so instead she distracted her with made plans to go directly to the store afterwards and buy candy. Her dad had given her permission to use their money to buy whatever they wanted, so long as both her parents got to collect on their candy tax. Max had giggled and agreed to it.When the blue haired girl had gotten back to the house, she just looked tired.It was weird watching Chloe be so quiet and still on the ride to the grocery store. She couldn’t tell if it’d gone well or bad.“I can feel you staring, Caulfield.” Chloe had joked, which made her finally just bite the bullet and ask how it went.“Well, I don’t know if sobbing like a damn baby day one counts as good or not.” She shrugged, keeping her eyes focused on the road. “She’s nice though. Said it’s normal. Could probably give you a run for your money with how much she was writing in her journal every time I spoke.”Max playfully shoved her at that dig, which got them both laughing. They parked, went inside, and splurged on what was probably enough chocolate, lollipops, and other various sugary goodness to last them a lifetime.Halloween day they dressed in their very sloppily put together pirate outfits. Ryan Caulfield took a bunch of photos and they posed like they were little kids. They made sure their movie list was still accurate and good. Her mom kissed her cheek before she left for work. And Max tried not to think about how excited the school was for the Halloween party that would’ve been happening tonight. How Dana had never stopped raving about her costume ideas. How Warren had told her that they needed to find a time to candy trade before the night would be over, because he liked to plan these things so far in advance, and he was excited about the fact that she’d already invited Kate along to swap treats with them. How she’d overheard Victoria talking about doing a costume photo shoot with Courtney and Taylor.What was always her favorite holiday went by in almost a blur, and before she went to bed Max made a note in her journal to probably bring this up next appointment.—It took around three appointments to finally mention Halloween.Sometimes Max worried she was frustrating with how much prying it’d take her to open up. How so far she’d been doing the exact opposite of what she knew she needed to do to make this actually work for her.What was even more frustrating sometimes was how patient her therapist was with her. She didn’t get mad when she stuttered on a sentence for too long, didn’t get agitated when she was silent for a full 5 minutes to rehearse how to word something in her mind before saying it, and even then getting choked up on tears while she spoke.Max hadn’t talked about anything related to the storm until that day. She’d danced around the topic a lot, instead indulging in how she didn’t open up to her parents a lot, how the move from Arcadia to Seattle had been rough, and that she’d never really been able to make real actual lasting friends.She probably wouldn’t have even brought it up still if her therapist hadn’t given her the little nudge to do so. A conversation about how she just felt like she couldn’t go home yet devolved into why she left in the first place.“You told me you’ve always found it hard to make lasting connections. Friendships. Did you have any friends in Arcadia Bay while you were in school there?”It is a different kind of numbness to talk about so many people, with lives, ambitions, goals, dreams, things that made them laugh and things that gave them bad days, people who went out of their way to talk to her when she was just a nervous wallflower, and have to say out loud that almost every single one of them is dead.She admitted she thought about them all during Halloween, a little less than a week ago.Her therapist asked her if she’d let herself grieve yet.Max didn’t know how to tell her why she didn’t deserve to in a way that wouldn’t make her sound crazy.So instead they talked about a different friend she’d briefly mentioned in her long list. Kate Marsh. How she nearly had killed herself and Max had been there. How she knew she was alive, one of the only ones that was, since she’d been at the hospital when the storm hit, but the day she visited her was the last time they talked.She’d been encouraged to reach out. To reconnect and hold onto that friendship, have someone else who knew what it was like to lose everyone. “Survivor’s guilt” is what her therapist had called her feelings. Why does she get to live when no one else did? And boy did that hit the nail directly on the head and then smash it through the wood for good measure.She said that from the sounds of it, Kate might be feeling the same way. That’d it’d be good to have another perspective besides Chloe’s. Max agreed to think about it at least.—Two nights later at 3 am, Max texted Kate with shaking hands while everyone but her and Rocky were asleep, the dog curled up on her lap while she ignored the burning in her eyes at the light from the phone screen.It took so long to figure out what to say. Chloe had encouraged it though, saying that Kate’s a sweet girl and maybe it’d be hella awkward at first, but she’s a good friend and probably misses her.It was a simple text, just saying “hi” and that she hopes she’s well, and that she’s staying in Seattle right now. Max sent it knowing the other wouldn’t be awake. She wasn’t ready for a response right away yet.When to her surprise her phone buzzed with a text notification five minutes later, she threw the blanket over her head and buried her face into Chloe’s side, squeezing her eyes shut and begging her body to stop shaking so she could sleep.In the morning, when the sleepiness left her brain and she realized she was the only one awake, she finally checked that text.Kate left a long paragraph about being so grateful to hear from her, that she’d been keeping Max in her prayers in the hopes that she was okay. Her parents had gotten her home safely and they had all been working on repairing their relationship. Kate had also not been back to Arcadia since everything occurred, and she’s just glad she’s safe.It felt like a small weight on her had been lifted. Kate hadn’t been mad or upset (she would be if she knew) and she was alive still. She was going to be okay.Max stayed sat up in bed just texting her for about an hour. Kate had started going back to church, and was working to figure out her school situation. The other was also glad to hear Chloe was safe. Max mentioned her new dog and almost immediately regretted it when she remembered Alice and nearly broke down at the thought. Kate didn’t bring the bunny up, and instead demanded pictures of Rocky, to which she joked about sneaking over there just to pet her and hug her once they were sent.When Kate had to go she promised to keep in touch, and said she hoped Max would do the same.She did not know yet if she was lying or not yet when she assured her she would.—On November 20th, Max got a job.Her therapist had been trying to drill into her that she was allowed to grieve, allowed to feel and allowed to mourn. But also she had been telling her that she was allowed to live a life, and it would probably be healthy to start doing some normal things like work or get out more. So, baby steps. One at a time, and she was definitely opting for the ladder here.It also helped that this way she could start helping with the groceries and bills as long as they were living here. Her parents had insisted she didn’t need to do anything like that. They were both welcome for free as long as they needed, the only payment being their company, but it didn’t stop Max from feeling like a freeloader. She knew Chloe felt the same way, even bringing it up to her once her parents added her to their cell phone plan. She didn’t blame her partner for not job hunting yet though. Something about therapy had left her a lot more tired lately, like all the fight and drive had been sapped out from her. This way she could take the rest she needed. Max could go back to carrying both their weight for once.It wasn’t anything big. The Seattle Aquarium had a paid internship program, something she found out about when Chloe and her had gone there as a little date to celebrate another week of “being forced to talk about their emotions to a professional stranger”. It was an option she’d kept in the back of her mind, because it could be fun. The position was just managing the entry tickets, and it was a job that would not care that her senior year of highschool got cut short.It wasn’t until she’d woken up that morning and realized why today felt so important that she’d spontaneously asked Chloe to drive her over to apply. She could tell the blue haired girl knew something more was wrong just from the way she was looking at her, but she didn’t push, instead telling her to “knock em dead!” And waiting in the parking lot while she ran inside.It definitely wasn’t the most professional way to go about it, and she most definitely came off more disheveled than anything. But whether it was for pity points or a desperation to get more employees, they walked her through what to do and told her she started next week.The adrenaline was wearing off by the time she was out back in the car with Chloe, who was doing the celebrating and cheering for them both while Max attempted to get over her utter state of “I cannot believe I just did that and now I have to actively go contribute to society”. Her girlfriend drove them over to the local burger joint and they indulged on greasy fast food to celebrate.When they got back home, as Max was texting her parents to let them know the news, Chloe finally braved the line and asked what got her so bad that she needed this big of an escape.One long long difficult talk later, a quiet admittance that she still thinks it should have been her instead, and a gentle push to reach out, Chloe, Max, and Kate over the phone all shared their favorite stories about Warren Graham in celebration of his 17th birthday.Curled up in bed with Rocky at their feet, Chloe kept repeating to Max quietly in her ear that he would’ve been damn happy she’s still here while she held her close. Max had no idea if she stopped after she fell asleep or not.The rest of the week blurred together.—Aside from Chloe, Kate ends up being the first person she comes out to.They don’t talk nearly as much as Max knows Kate wants to, but the other never stops sending her the occasional text about her day, and asking how Max is doing. Even when she only has the strength to send a few words for a response, she’s grateful nonetheless.They’re calling and talking about Max’s job when it happens. She has a coworker there and she thinks they might be friends? She’s not entirely sure. He’s her age, long shaggy dark brown hair, and entirely too friendly. They met when his coworker at the kid’s touch pool bailed on their shared shift before the aquarium opened, and Max’s manager had directed her to him to help out, saying they could get someone else to cover her spot for the tickets. She had no idea what she was doing the entire time, but thankfully it was easy to just keep an eye on the kids, and he carried the conversation enough where it didn’t feel too awkward.Since then he’d constantly seek her out during their breaks. Max had learned his name was Freddy, and he had a lot of knowledge of all the sea creatures here. Sometimes they’d spend their breaks with Max being pulled along to the different tanks and being given every fun fact under the sun on the type of fish or creature she was looking at (Apparently jellyfish can reproduce asexually through budding). Chloe would get the full play by play of everything she’d learn on the drive home, and it started to get to a point where Max had found herself gaining more interest in the topics on her own.Max was talking about him to Kate, mainly the marine biology meme he’d shown her when she arrived yesterday. Her friend had laughed, told her that he sounded very nice, and made a joke about him being her boyfriend.Silently she cringed, and that’s when she mentioned that she was actually with Chloe. Kate was her best friend, supportive and kind and understanding to anyone and everyone no matter who they were. So of course, she wasn’t really surprised when the blonde had just apologized and expressed how happy she was for the two of them.“Make sure Freddy knows you’re taken though.” She teased.“Don’t even joke about that.” Every inch of her forced as much of a joking tone into her voice as she physically could. She did not want Kate to even somehow feel for a minute that she was physically recoiling at those words, fingers digging into her arms in an attempt to ground herself, holding the phone away from her face for a moment so she could remember the breathing exercises her therapist had started teaching her.Truth be told, the reason she wasn’t entirely sure they were friends was because of everything Max had been doing to fuck it all up.She noticed the confused hurt in his eyes everytime she made an excuse to leave or take them somewhere else when they ended up in a room alone, even if she pretended not to.She knew he saw the way she flinched when he’d reach for her hand or his shoulder would brush against hers. She knows the reason he randomly clarified to her one day that he only sees her as a friend and nothing more was because of that.It’s not his fault. Even if she has no way to tell him that.It’s not his fault that a hand goes on her arm and suddenly it’s duck tape and bright lights and failing to resist the urge to claw at her wrists till they bleed to get the feeling away. Max does not blame him for the fact that when it’s just him and her the thoughts flood her mind of fear, unwanted advances, darting her eyes around for the nearest exit and consistently looking over her shoulder to be sure no one can sneak up on her like that again.It’s not his fault she’s fucked up.Later that evening Chloe lets her rest her head against her chest while she squeezes the ice cube she’d snagged from the freezer in her hand as a distraction. She’s here. She’s okay. She’s alive.Her parents are confused when they both join them for dinner for once, but they don’t ask.Max doesn’t tell. She doesn’t know if people her age are supposed to need their mom and dad like this still.—There’s a week till Christmas when they talk about something Max didn’t even realize she needed off her chest.It’ll be her last therapy appointment for the rest of the year, because her therapist is taking a holiday vacation out of state with her family. They discussed it, and Max had reassured her dozens of times now that she wouldn’t be needing any emergency appointments while she was away. (She hadn’t had one since the beginning of the month. It was the worst nightmare about the storm she’d had in a long time, and they had a very long talk about her admittance to wishing she was gone along with them.)She’s going through her day, how the gift she ordered for Chloe should be arriving before Christmas hits thankfully, and that she plans to hide it with the stuff she got for Rocky and her parents, when the other realizes that she’s neglected to ask when they got together.Max opens her mouth, pauses as it closes, then makes a nervous chuckle, shrugging her shoulders. “I guess there wasn’t really a point? We kind of just. Kissed, and started calling each other our girlfriend.”“So there was never a point where you defined it?”She shook her head, and her therapist nodded. “Do you want to define it?”She was surprised at how quickly the answer came to her.Yes. She does.Max has loved Chloe since the day they met at school and got seated at the same table together in their first class. Every time they colored together, or drew, or watched a TV show and spent the afternoon acting it out, or baked cookies with one of their parents help, she’s known she loves her. But now that love has a different meaning. Or maybe it’s the same meaning, just grown and evolved into including different things. She doesn’t know. It’s almost scary to put a label on it, despite the fact that she knows she wants that definitive-ness.And maybe that’s why Chloe never has. Maybe she thinks it’s easier this way.Or maybe she doesn’t want to because Max isn’t the type of person you’d wanna spend the rest of your life with. Maybe she doesn’t want to because she’s too much of a commitment. Maybe she’s changed her mind.Max took a shaky breath, and started with verbalizing that yes, she does want to define it.And when asked why, her guts were spilled.When her spiraling was all out in the open, laid bare to dissect and probe at, the other did not tell her she was overreacting, or just being silly.They talked about how Chloe felt like another piece of her. How she was her safety person. An extension of herself. (She would tear the universe apart for her again if she ever needed to. That bit was kept to herself though.)Her therapist had said that above all else, they sound like they have an incredible connection. That sometimes relationships don’t work out, whether it’s because of one person, or both, or outside forces that make them not ready. She asked her if she thought Chloe would ever be willing to lose her, the way Max was scared of losing her too. To really think about it.When it came down to it, she knew that was not the case. She knew Chloe had lost her once already just like she knew that there was a reason the blue haired girl always managed to end up with her arms encasing her, holding her close and tight no matter what they were doing. She did not want to lose her again.After giving her answer, the other recommended finding the time to have a talk with Chloe about it. Because even if she confessed that now wasn’t the right time, or maybe something had changed, then they’d still have each other. That was never going to change. Christmas Eve rolled around. The Caulfields and Chloe all baked cookies together, Chloe making Ryan laugh so hard that he nearly spilled his icing everywhere with a particularly stupid face she iced onto one of her baked goods. They put on a movie after, and when her parents went off to bed and told them not to stay up too late, the two had finally called it a night at almost two in the morning, hiding under the covers so neither of her parents could bust them for still being up, Max playing pokemon on her DS while Chloe watched and occasionally snook her kisses.The next morning her parents were delighted with their stupid mugs Max had gotten them, each with a different dad joke that had them all grinning as they read them aloud and Chloe snorted before laughing so hard her chest hurt, dragging Max, and then her parents into the same laughing fit. Chloe absolutely loved her pirate themed lighter, getting scolded at by Vanessa for turning it on in the house and joking about burning down their occasionally noisy neighbor’s house. Her girlfriend also got a handful of rings with different patterns engraved into them, which she had immediately put on and claimed she was never taking off.Her parents had surprised her with more film for her camera.Max had not taken a photo since Arcadia Bay, and she’d taken special care to make sure none of her Polaroids survived. Her late birthday gift from Chloe has been collecting dust in her closet for a while now.With a heavy heart, she thanked them, and gave a “maybe” to their prompting for her to use it for a family photo. Instead she chose to focus on the lovely new journal they’d also bought her, and a brand new guitar, which she very much turned into a crying mess over as she hugged them both tightly.Her mom was stuck calling Max’s grandparents with her dad roped in for emotional support, Rocky chewing on the large bone she’d been gifted, when Chloe pulled her upstairs for her gift. She shoved a box her way, messily wrapped (your mom tried to teach me how to wrap it but I got too impatient) with a tag on top that read “to my Max. From your Chloe.”She gasped when she opened it. Max has had her crummy Nintendo DS since she’d met Chloe. It was about a miracle that the thing was still working. In this box was a major upgrade, a Nintendo 3DS.Before Max could even utter a word, Chloe took it out of the box and shoved it into her hands, grinning ear to ear. “Open it! Ya got another surprise in there too.”She held her tongue and did as told, realizing that it was actually already set up. She didn’t even realize a game cartridge was inside until she saw the Pokemon HeartGold icon practically beaming at her. Gold had been her first pokemon game, with her dad passing down his old gameboy to her to play it on before she upgraded to a DS. Chloe had known that, because Max had never shut up about the game when she used to be addicted to it.With her jaw dropped the other held up a finger, directing it to the screen. “One last surprise, go inside.”“Chloe, I’m-““Nope! Zip it! Save it all for when you see!”The save file had already been opened, her character being named “Super Max” with one pokemon in her party. She opened it up to see“Are you cereal.” She practically gasped the words out, Chloe cackling at her reaction.“Merry Christmas you dork- oof!” Her words were cut off as Max threw herself onto her, laughing as tears filled her eyes because fuck. This was so sweet.“How long did this take you?!”“About a month.” She shrugged. “I have no idea how losers can sit around in their mom’s basements and shiny hunt all day, I felt like my fingers were gonna fall off.”She squeezed the other tighter, remaining on her lap when she finally pulled away and held the screen up to her face. “Why cyndaquil?”For a brief moment there was panic on Chloe’s face. “Fuck, that was your Gold starter right? Because if it was a different one I can-“She laughed again, shaking her head. “No I just. I didn’t know if you remembered or not.”“Of course I did.” She said it so simply, like such a kind gesture was the easiest thing in the world. Like Max was another part of her too.Almost instantly her lips met the other’s and neither pulled away until they needed air.—New Year’s Eve had never felt so bittersweet.Half of Max was ready to leave this year behind. Get it all off of her shoulders and kick it away until she couldn’t see it anymore. The other half wanted to cling onto it and fade away with it. Keep 2013 in her grasp along with all the memories she needed to keep alive, keep with her, make sure she could never forget no matter how badly she wanted to.Her parents always made a big deal out of it, pulling out board games that Max and Chloe were forced into (it was entertaining watching Chloe and her mom get so competitive though. They hadn’t gotten to do that since she was 13.), party poppers, tons of snacks, and the countdown on the TV an hour before midnight.Gathered on the couch soon before it happened, Chloe leaned over and whispered in her ear that someday they’d go watch the ball drop in person. Max smiled fondly at the idea.After the numbers hit zero and “happy new year!” rang throughout the house accompanied by excited dog barking, her parents kissing and Max pretending to gag in disgust, they were all up for only a little bit longer before her parents both agreed they were hitting the hay. The brunette would be lying if she said today hadn’t left her tired herself, and thankfully Chloe was fine with heading back to their room to lay down.In the middle of the night, with the cover of the darkness hiding both their expressions to give her a sense of confidence, Max finally asked “what are we?”“Huh?”“Like, uh, romantic wise.”Chloe shifted over to be laying on her side, facing the other. “..We’re girlfriends?”“Yeah, but.” She did the same, forcing herself to meet her eyes. It was Chloe. It was just Chloe. She’d still be her friend no matter what happened. “Is that how this works? We never like, officially got together.”Silence.“Does that matter?”Deep breath. You’re okay Max.“Yeah. It does to me.”“Where’s this coming from?” Chloe’s tone had taken on a bit of defensiveness, scooting against the pillows until she was sat up a bit. Once again Max copied her, gripping Captain tightly in her hand against the blankets.“I don’t know.” Mostly the truth. “I’ve just been thinking about it lately.”“Do you not want to be together?”“No-! I mean yes, I- ugh.” She inhaled a shaky breath and slowly released it. Start over. You’re allowed to think of what to say first.Chloe was patient until she tried again, despite every bit of her body language practically screaming how anxious she’d become. Max kept her gaze firm when she finally did speak again. “I’m saying this because I do want to be together. I want it to be official. I want you to be my girlfriend. I just..” her confidence faltered and she looked away. “I didn’t know if you wanted to establish it or not. If maybe you’d changed your mind, or I want more than you do. I don’t know..”“Hey, hey.” Chloe’s hand hovered over the side of Max’s face. The brunette leaned into the touch, and let the taller gently lift her head back to facing her again. “I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way dude.”Now it was Chloe’s turn to hesitate. Eyes adjusted to the darkness now Max could see the gears turning in the other’s head, trying to figure out how to word it. She let her take her time, let her sort it out even if her heart was pounding against her chest the entire time, and it felt like the darkness was swallowing her up.“I’m fucking scared Max.” She finally admitted. “When.. when me and Rachel had our thing, she never wanted to label it. Not even the whole girlfriend or partner terms stuff. She shied away from it every time I went in that direction until I got the hint. I know she loved me. I know she had her reasons, and I’ll never know them now, but it still felt shitty. It still does feel shitty.”Max hesitated. “Do you wish she was here?”“Not in that way.” Her voice had gone from small to firm. “There is not a day that goes by where I don’t wish she was still alive, but I would not trade you, and this, and what we have, for anything in the damn world, whether she was still here or not.”The taller’s thumb gently traced up and down her cheek. “Being with you just feels natural, and I didn’t wanna break it, like everything else I do in my life. I didn’t know how you felt about it and I didn’t want to ask in case it blew up in my face. I wanna make it official, scream it to the rooftops that “I’ve fucking loved Max Caulfield with my entire chest for as long as I’ve known her!”, I just didn’t know if that’s what you needed right now. If you wanted all that on top of everything else in your plate.”Slowly, Max’s own hand made its way to cup the other’s face as well. “Right now, I need you.”Chloe blinked at her, staring at her at those words. “Promise?” Her voice cracked.“I promise.”“I need you too, Max. I always will.”The brunette leaned forwards until her forehead was resting against Chloe’s. She could feel the other’s breathing from her nose hitting her face.“Chloe Price, will you be my girlfriend?”She cracked a grin, moving to wrap her arms around Max’s shoulders. “Max Caulfield, I would love nothing more in the entire world. Will you be my girlfriend?”“I’d love nothing more in the entire universe.” Their lips met. In the movies and shows Max watched, these kinds of kisses always ended up hungry, deep, growing into a very different kind of scene.This one was a different kind of hungry. A gentleness, that made her feel oh so incredibly loved. Adored like she was the only other one in the universe with Chloe. A desperation to please stay. Please don’t ever go. and a quiet reassurance that I’m right here. I never won’t be.Max loved Chloe like it's breathing.And with her girlfriend’s arms wrapped around her as tight as always as they drifted off, for right now at least, she felt like maybe her pieces were worth being held together.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chloe can’t bring herself to block David’s number.She couldn’t bring herself to do it after his first call, when they were still on the road, and she was tired out of her mind and her sense of judgment was a little off because of it and she answered forgetting that she’d just abandoned him in a dead town, and he screamed at her, berated her, called her selfish and every other name in the book. She couldn’t bring herself to do it when he’d spam her text after text, and she couldn’t make herself be bothered to look at them, let alone answer, and she still couldn’t bring herself to do it now, with what seemed to be the final text being sent to her from him that she finally checked, because curiosity killed the damn cat when it was only one after he had stopped for months. > Talk to me when you’re ready. She wouldn’t have wanted this. It had made her want to scream. Get it all out till her voice was hoarse and her throat was burning and the entire world knew how much she fucking despised him.There was an exhaustion in her bones that would not leave her be though. Something that gripped her so tight yet so gentle, that it felt hard to do anything still, but sleep and think. So she’d resort to what she’d do most days anyways; curl up in Max’s arms and try to pretend none of it ever existed.Her girlfriend had been playing her guitar a lot ever since she’d gotten the new one for Christmas. She’s starting to become more accustomed to the tunes, recognizing them as songs Max had added to their shared playlist, would play around the house when it was just them, or hum along to while working on chores.Max’s mouth had turned to a thin frustrated line when Chloe had showed her the text. She watched the shorter squeeze the phone so hard her hand shook for a moment before shoving it back to her, shaking her head. In a weird way it always felt good to see her angry too. A reminder she wasn’t unreasonable. “Do you wanna talk about it?”“What’s there to talk about? Isn’t that what the therapy shit is for?”“Chloe..”She deflated, laying against the pillows. Max’s bed was comfy, like, really comfy. “Sorry.” She grumbled. Ironically enough the ‘therapy shit’ had been encouraging her to talk to Max more, even in the moments that felt the hardest. “I just hate that he’s fucking right. That she would have wanted me to try and ‘connect’ with him and use this as a chance to bond instead of running away from everything.”Max set a hand on her shoulder. Chloe leaned her head against it. “She also wouldn’t want you to be miserable. I think that trumps this.” She paused. “You also deserve to make your own choices. If you ever speak to him again,” the word alone was spit out with more venom than Chloe had ever heard in the other’s voice. For a moment her eyes widened. “Then let it be because you want to, not because you think it’s what she would’ve wanted.”She looked up and met Max’s eyes. There was no pity. Just love and care.With an overwhelming desire to melt right then and there, the blue haired girl smiled. “Since when did you get so wise and junk?”“Not wise, just the truth.”Their lips met and if possible Chloe knew she would not move from this spot ever again.When they parted, she reached over off the side of the bed and pulled up Max’s guitar, shoving it into her lap with a grin and a demand to “Teach me how to play something.”She was chided for handling “her baby” so roughly, but in a matter of minutes they were shoulder to shoulder, hands guiding her’s over the strings, and explaining each chord to a song Chloe recognized from a movie they watched at 3 am last month, with an ending that had them both a little too emotional.
You’re so nice and you’re so smart
You’re such a good friend, I have to break your heart
I’ll tell you that I love you and I’ll tear your world apart
Just pretend I didn’t tear your world apart
Chloe ended up giving up. She didn’t feel like having the patience for it tonight, and in the end she was content to lay there and watch Max strum along and play herself, very quietly murmuring the lyrics as she did so, occasionally stuttering them out before going quiet to focus on the chords. Max’s voice was addicting, a sound that Chloe wanted to sink into and let herself drown in. Let it clog her ears and all her senses like water.‘All for me.’ it was near impossible not to crack a sleepy smile.When they finally settled down for sleep, Chloe tucked Max into her arms and held her close against her chest, felt the other’s hands dig into the shirt against her back. Chloe was always the first to fall asleep, but in those moments where it was almost completely dark save for the nightlight plugged into the wall nearby, so out of it that this felt more like a dream than the real world, she could think for a moment.A lot of her time had been spent in this bed really. Being tired and feeling the sunbeams through the window nearby. Her therapist had said it was something something her body finally allowing itself to catch up on the rest she’d missed from being in constant vigilance in her own home something something. Which made sense. But she wanted more than it. This was supposed to be “healing”, but instead she didn’t even feel like she was living.Which was almost comedic in a sense. Chloe Price was thinking about living. Chloe Price who has almost thrown her life away more times than she could count, on purpose and on accident (pleading on a cliff side, feeling more insignificant in that moment than she ever had in her entire life) would rather be doing anything else than sleeping her life away.Funny.“Max. You awake?”There was a tiny noise of confirmation, a nod against her chest and a smaller body pressing further against her own for warmth. Chloe buried her head against the mess of fluffy hair on Max’s head. It was getting pretty long. Fluffy was also starting to push it. It’d been a little while since she brushed it last, and the knots and tangles were more of a scruffy texture against her chin. “Do you wanna do something tomorrow?” She couldn’t remember if Max worked or not. Didn’t matter.“Mmm.” Her voice came out a bit muffled against the blanket and the talker’s body. “Dunno.”“Take it as it comes?”She could feel a tiny smile make its way against the other’s face. It was half of a saying they’d started using that they came up with. When Max had gotten a little too stressed one night thinking about everything she could’ve done different, and Chloe was thinking too hard about a world where this all got snatched away in favor of a bullet in her chest.Life is what it is, and“We’ll take it as it comes.”She felt her eyelids drift to a close, her hand threading through the loose strands of the other’s hair, coming to a slow stop as her brain started to shut down.Chloe wanted to keep believing in that right now.But, fuck, if she wasn’t tired of doing nothing.Isn’t that weird? That you can get tired of being tired?That you can be tired of everything and nothing?Max squeezed herself a little tighter against her, and Chloe felt the last of her consciousness start to slip away.‘Not this though. Never this.’ —— Chloe means it when she says she doesn’t blame Max.They still don’t even know for sure if the storm was her fault, something that over and over again they’ve both had to remind themselves (if only time travel powers came with a manual), and even if it was, it’s not like she wanted this all to happen. It’s not like she ever wanted to have to pick.But sometimes, when Chloe’s not sleeping, and instead getting a little too much time to think, it’s hard not to hold a little resentment.She always feels guilty when it happens. Max blames herself for it enough for the both of them and then some, and even then Chloe will always hold firm that it’s not her fault. It was never her fault.But some days it’s hard. Some days she misses her mom a little too much, and her bedroom, and the moments of peace she had around the town where didn’t entirely hate everything, and the junkyard and smoking with Justin and annoying Steph and Mikey walking on the beach and kicking aside the trash in the sand, and she thinks about how it was all ripped away. Gone in a snap, and now she can never go back to it, when that’s all she ever used to want to do.Chloe blames the universe a lot, and whatever entity out there in it gave her girlfriend time rewind powers, and took away Rachel, and changed her family so much that it felt like she’d already lost her mom before she even died. But blaming the universe is hard. The universe is uncaring, you can yell and shout and scream at it and it will continue on because it knows you are insignificant long before you figure it out.So sometimes it’s easier to be a little mad at Max. To curl up in the corner of the room alone, dig her hands into her scalp, hardly being able to fight back the tears in her eyes and the aching emptiness in her chest, and wish Max never came back, or that she just fucking listened to her on the cliff and went back and let her die like she was supposed to, so her mom could live and all of Max’s friends could live and the world could keep spinning.It’s not fair. She always realizes that hardly any time later. Takes extra care to find her girlfriend, whether she’s home or out at work (Chloe’s positive the aquarium staff are tired of her at this point) and wrap her arms around her and never ever let go. Hold her close and make sure she knows she’s loved. That Chloe loves her. She could let herself get mad and spiteful a million times over and even in the midst of it she knows she’ll never stop loving her.It’s not a situation she can exactly bring up in therapy, not in details that are accurate, but It ends up getting worked out of her one day anyways, and she finds a way to bitterly condense the words into something a little less insane sounding.She wishes she could trade herself. Go back and die in the bathroom in exchange for everyone else getting to live.“Do you think your mom would’ve wanted that? Like how you thought she deserved better?”‘You don’t fucking know her.’ she wants to snap, but instead she forces out a laugh as she shrugs. “Probably would’ve made her life hella easier.”“Do you really think that? You can think about it first before answering.”Her therapist is nice enough. Always patient to her outbursts and always saying things that hit way too hard and close to home, but she doesn’t get mad or angry when she reacts negatively to it. She’s doing her job, and Chloe knows she needs to let her. So she shuts her mouth. And she does think. And she remembers the worried texts when she broke curfew, the scolding because she just wanted her to do better, and the “I love you” ‘s that’d go unanswered when she was pissed beyond belief.And Chloe sighs, and slumps in her seat. “No, I don’t think she would have wanted that.”They talk about how Chloe’s mentioned before that Joyce had chosen David over her. How it felt like in some ways she stopped being her mom the day her dad died. How despite that, Chloe knew she wouldn’t have ever wanted her dead, the way Chloe never wanted her dead either.How you can’t change the past, but you can’t get through the future if you don’t stop thinking about the what ifs.It still feels like there’s a hole in her heart when she gets back in her truck, and her head slams against the wheel. The horn blares while she groans.‘Fuck therapy. Fuck emotions. Fuck the universe. Fuck everything.Would she really have not wanted her dead? In a universe where Chloe bled out in the bathroom, was that the only way she finally stopped catering to David and thought about her again? Made the effort to see things from her perspective?‘Dad dies and she did the opposite. What makes you so special.’She’s being mean again.Chloe picks up Max from the aquarium, asks about her day as a distraction. Teases her about how huge of a nerd her co worker Freddy is as she drives. They get home and Vanessa ruffles Max’s hair, asks how work was and listens as she goes over the exact same stories Chloe just listened to.She wonders if Vanessa would be this loving of a mom if Ryan died. If it would tear her away from Max too, and make her throw herself into some douchebag man just to ignore everything else in her life.She thinks about if this kind of situation makes every mom go that route. Or maybe it was just hers.Maybe it’s just because she’s Chloe. —— There were a lot of difficult things about the fact that their stay in Seattle was not permanent. One of the many was definitely going to be the fact that Vanessa Caulfield adored Rocky nearly as much as Chloe did.If the giant dog wasn’t laying on the carpet in her and Max’s room she was in the living room with Max’s mom, snoozing away or begging the older women for treats. When Max was at work and Chloe was either sleeping the afternoon away, smoking on their patio (a habit she’d been trying to curb, so that one wasn’t often), or off to visit her, Vanessa would be the one to take her out for walks in the neighborhood. She was honestly half convinced she’d steal the dog one day and skip town with her.Chloe was in the living room now, actually, ruffling up her thick fur and saying “baby baby baby babyyyy” with a laugh as Rocky covered her face in kisses, when Vanessa came in from the kitchen, smiling at the sight before clearing her throat and properly announcing her presence.“I was gonna take her for a walk, do you wanna come with, Chloe?”And, well, she came downstairs in the first place to get a distraction from how shitty she was feeling today and how much she was missing Max right now, and that was just a longer form of said distraction, so Chloe really saw no reason to decline the offer, going off to grab her coat. When she’d come back down, Rocky was already hyped up from the word “walk” alone, running around and trying to put her paws on Vanessa’s chest while she fought to get the leash out.“Rocky! C’mere Rocky girl!” Chloe called out, patting her own chest and nearly stumbling backwards when the dog came running, hopping up on her instead. Vanessa flashed her a grateful smile as she finally got the leash clipped to the collar, and off they went.January afternoons were nice. It was still cold winter air that bit down on Chloe’s ears from beneath her beanie, but the sun was starting to come back out a little more every day. As she followed her girlfriend’s mom in silence, looking around at the different houses in the neighborhood and the still barren trees around them, she silently realized this was probably the first time she’d left the house for any other reason than to go see Max.“How’s your day been, Chloe?”Vanessa’s voice had immediately pulled her out of her slow starting train of thought, and after a dumb “huh?” And a repeat of the question, the blue haired girl shook her head in an effort to get more awake, smiling slightly.“Fine? I think? Mainly, uh, sleeping. The leftovers from last night were good by the way, you’re a beast in the kitchen Vanessa.”She chuckled, a smile on her face. “Makes me happy you still like my cooking. I know it doesn’t compare to..” that smile faded and she shook her head. “I’m just still glad you like it.Chloe frowned, but bit back the urge to make a comment. She couldn’t be sure she was talking about her mom, and even then, Vanessa was trying to be nice and make conversation.“Hard not to.” She shrugged. “Gotta make you some pancakes in return sometime. Not to toot my own horn but they’re pretty fantastic.” Last time she checked, anyways.Thinking about it, Chloe hadn’t really made food in a while. There was one time while they were on the road still, but, that was really it.She bit the inside of her cheek, staring at the sidewalk while they walked with her hands in her pockets. “Least I can do while freeloading it up, right?”“Chloe Price you are not freeloading.” Vanessa wasted no time in scolding her, shooting a glare in her direction that she only just barely caught when she finally looked up. “I promise you, I understand. You deserve to get to catch up on your rest, you’ve been through a lot, I..”she trailed off, and Chloe felt that anger bubbling up inside of her. She was still talking about her mom. This is what she always hated. The treating her like glass. Like she’d shatter into a million broken pieces if anyone so much as tried to even tiptoe around the subject. Just say it! She’s not glass, she’s not broken or cracking, she can take it! Just say that-“..I know it can’t be easy, by any means. Losing both your mom, your home, everything like that. Especially after William.” Vanessa shook her head, tugging Rocky’s leash to get her away from the street. “Forgive me if I’m stepping out of line saying all that. I just want you to know that I know those kinds of emotions are exhausting to handle, so no one’s mad at you for needing your time is all.”Chloe nearly stopped walking, forcing her body to keep up.Fuck, she could feel the way her chest was tightening, the stinging in her eyes. She’s not glass. She’s not glass and she doesn’t crack so easily and people are allowed to bring it up without her breaking so she is not going to break.“Thanks.” She finally got out the moment it felt safe enough to speak normally again. Chloe cleared her throat, balling her hands into fists in her pocket and forcing herself to breathe. “I- I really mean that Vanessa. But also as much as I appreciate the permission to basically sleep every single day away, I wanna be able to do something too, yknow? Stop feeling tired all the time.”She nodded, slowing down a bit so Chloe could catch up, continuing her pace when they were right next to each other. “I get that. Too much of anything is bad for the brain, and that includes sleep.” There was a brief pause, with Vanessa putting on a very visible thinking expression, before she finally spoke up again. “It’s been way too long, I feel weird asking this because if anyone asked me this when you were 9 I would have every answer in the book, but, what’re some things you enjoy doing, Chloe?”‘whoa, Deja-vu.’ Vanessa totally reminded Chloe of her therapist for a moment, asking all the basic “get to know you” type questions as a way to pick into her mind. She knew this was different though, just a mom trying to reconnect with her daughter’s best friend. She hoped so, anyways. Max and her therapist always reading her mind was enough for her.“I used to tag a bunch of stuff in Arcadia.” Probably not the best thing to admit. “But um, I mean related to that I still like drawing. Just didn’t have a lot of time for it, haha.”The other smiled again. “Those comics you and Max used to make were so creative. You always were a talented little artist, Chloe. Anything else?”“Hmm.” Racking her brain for a moment, she suddenly perked up, a grin spreading on her face. “Oh! Yknow that truck I have? That thing was a discarded hunk of junk when I found it in the junkyard a few years back. Fixed it all up myself, and it was pretty fun, so, I think that counts.”That certainly got the older’s attention. Vanessa completely halted for a moment, only realizing when Chloe slowed next to her and Rocky tugged on her leash before she resumed walking, surprise still clearly on her face. “You- you fixed that thing up all by yourself??”The grin grew. “Yep.”“How old were you?”“16.”“And does it break down often?”“Eh, sometimes she needs a different part or two but I always manage to get her running again with what I can find.”“Chloe- that’s-“ Vanessa genuinely seemed at a loss for words, gesturing at her with her free hand. “That’s genuinely impressive! Yknow, not a lot of kids your age can do stuff like that.”Chloe couldn’t help but soak in the praise. She was damn proud of that truck still, and to hear someone be impressed with it felt nice for a change. “What can I say, I’m one of a kind.”“You certainly are.” She reached over and pat her back. “..Y’know, when you and Max were little, and just becoming friends still, our car broke down pretty bad one day.” Vanessa smiled, her gaze growing distant. “I remember panicking, wondering how we were supposed to get to work, what we were gonna do, how we were gonna pay for repairs, all of that. The next day when we were still figuring things out, your dad dropped you off for your playdate with Max, and he found out about the situation. Offered to see what he could do for free, and in less than a day the car was good as new.” She glanced over at Chloe, smile growing more fond. “I don’t think Ryan ever stopped thanking him for that. You got a natural talent, all on your own, but you also certainly do take after your father.”Once again, Chloe faltered slightly, fighting down the emotion in her voice as she smiled back. “Well. I hope he would’ve liked the truck.”“Knowing him I’m sure he would have loved it.”Even if it was still cold outside, enough for boots and layers, Chloe felt a sense of warmth the whole rest of the walk.When they got back home, Rocky ran laps around the blue haired girl’s legs for a moment before settling on the couch for a nap. She hopped up next to her, gently running her fingers through her fur.The good mood still being carried with them back to the house was broken when Vanessa warned Chloe she’d be heading out again soon, offering to pick up Max today since she needed to do a grocery run anyways, and that they’d probably both be home late because of it.Chloe forced a nod and an “okay”, trying to focus her attention back on Rocky.‘She’s Max’s mom.’ she quietly reminded herself. ‘Yours is gone. She’s not her.’The house felt a bit more empty than usual when Vanessa finally left.Good things don’t last, and she needed just about anything to remind herself of that right now.——This was the closest Chloe’s been to quitting therapy.Which okay yeah realistically she knew she never could, because therapy is expensive as shit and the fact that Max’s parents were still paying for it for her was more kindness than Chloe deserved, but this was pushing her patience a little too much.“Codependent” was how her therapist had decided to label her and Max today, and that it was unhealthy or some other kind of bullshit. Apparently only having one friend and constantly clinging onto her and being anxious whenever she was apart from her instead of making the effort to have any other kind of connections was “not helping her mental state”.She was honestly just frustrated from the moment the conversation began. Max is her world, and she trusts she’s not leaving her again. She’s the only one who’s ever picked her and put her first, made her feel like she matters at all. The only one who makes her feel like she’s got a reason to keep moving. She doesn’t need anyone else.The other is persistent though, and Chloe hates hates hates the patient yet firm tone she has when she speaks. “I know it’s difficult to make new friends when you’re still somewhere new, and still processing so much. And I know there aren't a lot of people from your hometown that are an option anymore.” The reminder feels like fire against her skin. It’s close enough to start to hurt and she knows she’s one wrong move from being engulfed by the flames. “..Out of the people who survived, is there anyone-““I didn’t have any friends.” It’s a sentence she’s repeated so many times now in these sessions. She had Rachel, but Rachel is dead now, long before anyone else who Chloe got a kick from hanging around was too.“I know.” Her therapist is probably tired of the way she says it each time, Chloe imagines.She gets that look in her eyes. The kind she has when she’s about to say something that reads on Chloe’s private life and thoughts a little too well. She bristles uncomfortably on the chair, tapping her fingers on the arm of it.“How about anyone who maybe you didn't consider friends at the time? Maybe people who were trying to come into your life, but you pushed away because you were hurting?”And for a moment she lets that built up energy release, shoulders sagging, because she’s fine, she didn’t have anyone like that, no one who ever gave a shit about Chloe Price because-…Oh.Her therapist notices the change in her demeanor and the evil bastard smiles.—She hates this.She hates this so fucking much.It’s ironic that Max was the one who encouraged this though, when every tap tap tap of her fingers on the keypad reminds her of unread texts and nights begging the universe for them to be read.Max has too much optimism when it comes to Chloe. She doesn’t even need to know Steph Gingrich or Mikey North to encourage her to go through with this. All she needed to hear was Chloe mentioning that they hung out a handful of times playing DND, and that they were both nerds but cool in her book, to tell her that her vote was on her going with reaching out.She hadn’t heard from both of them in a while, even before the storm hit. Mikey was reasonably busy a lot with his family, and Steph had moved after graduating. They’d texted a couple times after, but around when Rachel disappeared was when they really started drifting.Because good things don’t stick around when you’re Chloe. At the very least by then she had more important things to worry about.Here she was though, reaching out again, to someone who’d drifted away from her again. At least this time she had more realistic expectations.Steph was probably not going to reply. And whether she did or didn’t (probably didn’t), she’d reach out to Mikey. And if he also didn’t, then Max was still there. The one constant in her life now, reassuring her so many times as she battled with herself over whether or not to go through with this that either way she wasn’t going anywhere.She ended up with a long rambly paragraph. She didn’t know how much to mention, what she knew (It made headlines everywhere. There’s no way she didn’t at least hear about Rachel and Jefferson.) or what to say in general, so it was a lot of “hope you’re okay”s and “if you ever wanna talk about literally anything I wouldn’t hate it”.A week later, when she was ready to throw in the towel, shrug the emotions off, and start drafting her message to Mikey, Steph texted her back.Chloe felt like she’d left her stomach downstairs when she read the very short message containing “hi” and “we should call sometime!” Amongst a few other words.What was she even doing.Did she really want a reminder like this about everything she lost? Everything she couldn’t go back to?She’d never hear the end of it though if she went up to her girlfriend and essentially went “hey yeah she reached back but I was too chickenshit to go through with anything so I left her on read and have decided I’m going to just stay in your bed the rest of my life because it’s better than ever trying anything like this ever again anyways what’s for dinner?”So the next day, she tried not to throw herself out the window when the phone rang for a few seconds, before finally Steph picked up on the other end.“..Chloe?”“Sorry, wrong number. This is actually Mr. Ima Lousir, please leave a message.”“Ima Lou-? Oh my god I just got it fuck you.”Steph sounded so much older than Chloe last remembered. She also sounded so tired.It was especially evident when slipping into conversation felt so awkward. They avoided the big stuff like the plague, sprinkling in the little stuff where the in between would be. Chloe’s living in Seattle, with her girlfriend Max at her parent’s house (“THE Max?? As in Max Caulfield Max?” “The one and only absentee childhood friend.” “Holy shit Chloe.” “Yeah, it’s a long story.” “I got time.”), and they got a dog named Rocky who was currently curled up by her legs as she spoke.“Where’re you currently stuck at?”Steph was quiet for a moment, before finally speaking. “College, actually. Here for game design.”“Awfully vague.” She forces a laugh. Tries to pretend that the fact that Steph’s still able to pick up her life and carry on and keep going to school after everything doesn’t make her feel a little shitty. “Is it secretly like, a wizard school or something so you can’t disclose details?”“Chloe.” There’s a tightness in her voice that makes her shut up instantly. It’s gone in a second though, with the same forced laughter that Chloe just had. “Nothing as cool and awesome as a wizard school, sorry. There’s just not a lot to talk about with it.”“No no I.. I get that.” She shrugs, even though she knows the other can’t see it. “But also you’re full of shit, because game design sounds awesome and I’m sure you got tons of stories. Any wacky roommates?”“Well, I guess they technically would count as ‘wacky’-“The conversation eases a bit after that. A little more natural. Chloe gets a lot of stories about Steph and the classes she hates, and the people she doesn’t, and Steph gets a very condensed chopped up story about how it turns out Max was back at Blackwell for a month without saying anything before they finally ran into each other. It’s missing half the details and she skips the ending in favor of giving her a few travel stories. The other finds those funny at least, and it’s almost weird how nostalgic it is. Like if Chloe closed her eyes, she could almost pretend she was 15 and back at the Blackwell courtyard, class 5 minutes away from starting, the sun a little too hot, and Steph was the only one out there still who tolerated her enough to ramble off together with her instead of anything more productive.She’s hit with a sudden sense of longing, and the ache in her chest overpowers any sense of filter.“I need to tell you something.”She could practically hear the way Steph lost the smile in her voice, evident by her slightly nervous tone when she responded. “Shoot, Price.”She sucked in a breath. “I really miss our DND games. Like, really really miss them.”There was a pause before Steph laughed. A real, natural, loud laugh that made Chloe smile slightly. “That’s it? Really?”“Yeah.” Was she being emotional and opening up in the most cryptic and weird way possible? Yes. Despite it all she couldn’t find herself to be unreasonably upset that Steph didn’t see that. Just a weird sense of happy. An odd sense of normalcy. “I know I acted like I didn’t care too much and was too cool for them and joked around a lot in them, especially when I was with..” The words briefly caught in her throat, but Chloe pushed them out anyways, ignoring the way her voice choked on the sentence on her name alone, before stuttering back to wavering normalcy. “W-With Rachel, but, they were really fucking fun man. You did great at running them and I honestly miss sitting around school with you and Mikey just doing fantasy bullshit.”The other girl was silent again for a moment, and as her brain caught up with her mouth it made her wonder if she brought up one of the bushes they’ve been beating around a bit too soon. Hell, it’s not like Chloe liked talking about it. But her therapist had told her once, that pretending it didn’t happen, like she didn’t even exist, was like pretending her feelings didn’t even exist. She couldn’t move on if she didn’t at least try. Maybe Steph needed that too.“Well Barb, I happen to miss them too. I think you don’t remember how shit a job you did at pretending you weren’t into it though. I wouldn’t have kept hounding you to stay and play if I didn’t see it.”And this time Chloe laughed, but she didn’t exactly know why. And as they kept talking about their previous adventures graciously hosted by Steph, it occurred to the girl that it was because it felt so weird. To bring up Rachel and just continue the conversation without her being the centerpiece. No segway into what happened, how they were holding up over her, fond memories, like she was just.. not important.And she knew that wasn’t the case. Rachel had been important to them both. But it was the first time Chloe spoke her name without it being a topic of discussion, something that could just be moved on from.She wondered how Steph felt about it, but she didn’t want to break this. Shatter the illusion and drag them both back down in the pit the dead blonde left in her world, leaving her wondering if she even wanted to claw back out.She felt guilty for enjoying a world where she was able to live outside of it. To acknowledge the pit then walk along it like it never consumed her. She almost wished Steph would just rip the bandaid off and be the one to go back to it.“I haven’t actually gotten to GM for a game in a while. My roommate is into it but it’s more fun with more people, plus college work kicks my ass.”“Well..” She tapped her finger on the desk she was sitting at. “I wouldn’t mind. If.. Y’know.”“Are you asking to play again?”“Maybe.” She was incredibly glad this was just a phone call and not a video chat. She didn’t need Steph seeing her face and all the emotions on it. “I could like, ask Max to join too, introduce you both. I feel like you’d get along, and this kinda nerdy shit seems right up her alley. We could get Mikey in on it too, make it a big thing!”Chloe could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest with the way Steph’s demeanor changed again. “Oh. Um.”“Max is chill, I promise, she won’t-““No no it’s not that.” She can hear the other audibly breathe in heavily. “Just. Me and Mikey haven’t really talked in a while is all.”“Oh. Shit.” Fuck, of course she’s already messing things up. “Did something happen between you two?”“No no, we’re fine! Everything’s fine!” She sounded truthful with that, at the very least. “It’s just. I don’t know. It’s hard to talk about Chloe.”There’s a silent pause between them. It makes the blue haired girl wish the ground would open up and swallow her whole. “We don’t have to include him.” She offers. “It can just be me, you, and Max. Even your roommate if you want.”“That’s.. no. No it’s okay Chloe, I’ll talk to him eventually. Sorry. It’s a good idea! We’ll set up a time, I’m excited to get to know Max and teach her how to play.”“Me too.”They only talk a little longer before Steph mentions having plans and needing to go. When she hangs up Chloe throws her head into her hands and drags in a shaky breath.The call with Mikey goes a bit better. She had no idea Drew died in the bay. She’s just glad he’s safe. Mikey’s glad she is too. Despite all the swapped stories, the laughter, the warmth she feels at the fact that Mikey never stopped being into all the same nerd and geek stuff, her stomach still twists and turns when she thinks of her conversation with Steph.It only settles right before she falls asleep. Max is long passed out before her for once, and Chloe’s still wide awake when her phone goes off. > What days are you free for DND? Chloe thinks for a moment. Max doesn’t work Wednesdays and Thursday. <> Thursday sounds good! Can’t wait! Something in her calms down enough to finally sleep.—Max’s emotions are a lot easier to pinpoint than Chloe’s the day they decide to come out.Reasonably, her girlfriend is anxious, jumpy, and panicking at every single possible thought and outcome about this situation. She knows her parents love her, no matter what, but it still doesn’t stop her from worrying.Chloe’s a bit conflicted.Max was the one who came up to her a few days ago with the idea. She had left to grab a bowl of chips for herself in the kitchen, came back to their bedroom where Chloe was laying and watching YouTube on the other’s laptop, set the bowl down on the nightstand, crawled into her arms on her lap, and said “I wanna tell my parents we’re dating.”Chloe had raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are in those chips?”“I’m serious.”Chloe reached over and stole a couple chips, ignoring the annoyed look on the brunette at her thievery. “Any particular reason this came up now?”Max settled a little more comfortably against the blue haired girl, her head resting against her chest, Chloe’s legs moving to Max’s sides to box her in. “Just been thinking. I love you, yknow? And I wanna kiss you without having to hide it. I don’t wanna feel like it’s something to hide. You’re my world and I wanna show it.”For a brief moment, the taller felt the emotion clogging her throat, and was suddenly very grateful Max couldn’t see her expression with her head resting on her girlfriend’s head. God only Max could ever make her feel so sappy so quick, and especially make her not want to shove it down. After a moment of silence, Chloe wrapped her arms a little tighter around the other and held her a little closer, nodding. “And you think they’d be okay with it?”“I don’t know.” Quiet admittance.“If they’re not?”Max’s turn to go silent. Finally, a little above a whisper, she murmured “then we go. This still isn’t permanent.”In a way, she still wanted that.That reminder that things have never been permanent, that there’s no reason to ever start believing they are. Good things are not the norm for Chloe Price, she’s been getting too cozy with all of this for too long, and it’d be better to rip the bandaid off now.Probably a little fucked up to be thinking that the possibility of her girlfriend’s parents being so homophobic they have to leave is the best case scenario, but, Chloe’s never been good with her feelings. Why start now.They sit the Caulfield’s down in the living room after a day of rehearsing. Chloe’s holding Max’s hand tight because they’re shaking so damn hard. She lets Max stutter through her words, to do this without her own input because it’s something she wanted to feel strong enough to do. The whole time she side eye’s Vanessa and Ryan’s reactions. She’s not above yelling at them, throwing away every nice thing they’d ever done for her to send the message that the most important thing in her life right now is the girl sitting on the couch next to her.When Max is done explaining, that she likes girls and so does Chloe and that they’ve (technically) been together for a while now, Chloe waits for the reality check. The disbelief, the anger, the whole sha-bang.Instead Vanessa and Ryan look at each other, before Vanessa turns to the two of them. “Okay. Okay, so, you two are..?”“Lesbians.” Chloe supplies a little too quickly, and Max looks down at the floor.“Okay.” She nods. There is no malice in her words, no disgust or false calmness. It’s genuine acceptance. “It’s a bit to take in, I gotta admit, but, I’m really proud of you both. Thank you for telling us, Maxine, Chloe, we love you two so much and I promise that this doesn’t change this.”Max just about crumbles in relief. Chloe watches the way she deflates, smiling and getting very teary eyed. It’s then that she knows this is the best outcome instead.“Though I don’t know if I want you to sharing a room anymore-“Max squeezes Chloe’s hand a little tighter, and she watches the way relief freezes into solid panic for a moment.Ryan must have seen it too, because he holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, they’re adults now, I trust them.” He gives a sly smile. “Just nothing while we’re home, Kay?”Simultaneously Vanessa and Max’s face both go immediately tomato red. The only difference being Max hides her blushing face in her hands while Vanessa turns to her husband with the most gobsmacked look she’d ever seen, shouting “RYAN!” over Chloe’s cackling.Vanessa ends up letting them keep sharing the room, under the condition that they keep an open door policy. Max hugs her mom incredibly tightly, and silently, Chloe thinks distantly about Joyce joking that she was glad the boys were “just a phase” when she told her about her and Rachel.She catches Ryan’s gaze, who smiles at her for a moment, before it turns into a smirk. “So future daughter-in-law, do we know what the grandkid situation is, or..”Chloe feels like the skin on her face is about to melt off, and she gives the world’s most awkward laugh as Vanessa pulls away to shove him. Later in the day they’re back in Max’s room, curled up and watching a show that Chloe’s honestly half asleep for most of. She jolts more awake when the girl beside her stretches, nudging her as she makes a move to get up. “Gotta use the bathroom, I’ll brb.”“Hurry backkkk” she drawls her words on until Max is gone from the room, the brunette giggling to herself at her antics. She’s alone in there for all of two minutes before there’s a knock on the open door, and Chloe looks up to see Ryan nervously standing in the doorway.“Hey. Can I come in?”“Sure?” As confused as the girl is it’s not like she owns the space. Ryan nods, shutting the door behind him as he walks into Max’s room. Across from her girlfriend’s bed is a small desk cluttered with notebooks, clothes, and various trinkets. Ryan takes a seat on the chair in front of it, folding his hands into his lap, suddenly putting on a very stern and serious expression. “Do you have good intentions with my daughter?”Oh boy they’re doing this.Chloe gives an only slightly nervous chuckle, nodding. “Yes sir? I always have, would be pretty weird if that suddenly changed. Unless I got replaced by an evil clone or something.” It’s hard to take his attempt at interrogating her seriously. This is the same man who helped her make pillow forts with Max and bought her manga for her birthday as she grew up. She knows he’s a huge dork just as much as he knows she only wants the best for Max.Ryan scrunches his face up at her response, shaking his head. “Ugh, please don’t ever call me “sir” again even as a joke.”Chloe laughs and then they both do. He shakes his head again, smiling softly. “I’m not being very good at this aren’t I?”“Nope, sorry to break it to you. A for effort though.”“I’ll just cut straight to the point then.” His hands shift a little uncomfortably on his lap for a moment. “I know you and Max are dealing with a lot after everything. I know there’s a lot that we still don’t know, that you probably do.”Chloe’s mind immediately goes to being woken up by her girlfriend’s screams and sobs, desperation to stop being touched, to escape, to stay awake so she can think. She shoves it down and swallows before nodding.He continues. “I’m happy for the both of you. I’m glad you’ve always had each other, and that it’s looking like that’ll never change. You’re a good kid Chloe. I know Max will always do her best for you and to be there for you, and I just..” he sighs. There’s emotion seeping into his eyes, in the way he frowns, covers his face with his hand and takes a shaky breath before releasing, refocusing his gaze back on her. “I just want your word you’ll do the same. That you’ll take care of her where we can’t.”Oh.She doesn’t need to think. No hesitation. Not even for a second. The words come out before her brain can even fully process them. “I always will. You have my word.”Ryan gives her a watery smile, shoulders sagging with relief as he gets up and pats his hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Chloe. I’m glad you’re here.”And that’s something that hits maybe a little harder than it should as he walks over to the door, about to open it when a voice makes them both startle.“Daadddd can I come back in now?”He yanks the door open, giving his daughter an apologetic grin. “How much of that did you hear?”Max gives a both suspicious and confused look.“None..? I just got up here.”“Okay, good. Love ya honey.”He pulls her in for a quick hug, Max, still confused, giving a “love ya too” before her father leaves to head back downstairs. The minute he’s out of earshot her girlfriend practically runs to her side, scrambling to sit on the edge of the bed. “Dude my parents fucking bet on us being together.”That gets Chloe to sit up almost immediately. “HUH??”“My dad told me he wanted to talk to you alone so I went down to the kitchen, right? My mom was in there digging through her wallet, and then she was like “hey remind me later that I owe your dad 10 bucks.”“Uh huh?”“So I say ‘sure how come?’ And SHE says ‘let’s just say he’s very very proud of you both and what you did today.’”Chloe stares at her for a moment before bursting into laughter, clutching her stomach as she doubles over while Max joins in.“No- no fucking way oh my god.” She finally manages to breathe out.“I’m cereal!! There’s no way it was anything else!” Wiping tears out of her eyes Max tilts her head to the side, smile fading slightly. “What were you two talking about anyways?”“Nothing.” Chloe shrugs, reaching over to grab the TV remote so they can get back to their show. “Just not to mind how Vanessa was being earlier.”“Oh. I should tell him she already apologized for that.” She moved back to her previous spot, leaning against Chloe and curling up. “Love you.”“Love you too, you dork.”Halfway through this episode Chloe’s phone buzzes. She’s expecting it to be from Steph, probably another vague cryptic hint on her campaign plans. They haven’t actually started playing yet, instead their group video calls more so being to explain things to Max and help her fill out a character sheet. Her and Steph hit it off as well as Chloe expected, and it just makes her all the more excited for the actual sessions to start. But instead, it’s from Max’s dad. > don’t tell Max but I wanna surprise her with tickets to next Sunday’s hockey game. Want to be an awesome girlfriend and come with? 🙂 She snorts. Max asks what’s up, and she quickly lies and says it’s a stupid inside joke Steph texted her about. The moment Max resumes focus on the show Chloe quickly types up a reply about how “I’d love to but just know the girlfriend guilt trip card won’t work every time, ‘sir’” despite knowing that it’s definitely the opposite.She sets her phone down and wraps an arm around Max, pulling her close.Yeah, definitely the better outcome.——“To be fair even when you’d just tell me about her, it was kinda blatantly obvious.”“In that case Ryan should have asked for more, get his money’s worth.”Steph and Chloe both laugh. Her roommate waves in the background and Chloe waves back as they keep talking.At the next pause in their conversation, Steph fidgets with her fingers. “I talked to Mikey, by the way.”“Oh yeah?” Chloe tries not to let too much eagerness show.Steph holds the suspense in the air before giving a giant grin that spreads across her whole face. “Our party of 3 is officially ready for adventure next Thursday.”“FUCK YEAH!” She spins around in the desk chair, and behind her on the bed Max looks up from her laptop to start cheering, pumping a fist into the air.Steph just giggles. There’s an air of lightness around her, a kind of spark back in her eyes.She’s got the feeling the other is saying “thanks”, for some reason.She doesn’t know what for, but she hopes her genuine excitement has a “you’re welcome” somewhere in there.——Every boom, louder than the previous, makes it feel harder to breathe.There was no indication in the weather report for this heavy of a thunderstorm. It came out of nowhere.Chloe’s home alone because of course she is, and Rocky is thankfully just as scared as she is, barking filling up the house and pulling her out of her own head every time another flash of lightning strikes and is followed by another clap of thunder.She can’t take her eyes off the downpour out the window. The way the streets flood, the leaves in the trees shake, the branch that breaks off and almost hits a powerline by the neighbor’s house.She wonders if she’s gonna die. If maybe everything finally caught up to them, and she’s alone right now because something’s gonna get swept up and crash through the house and take her away with the rain.Her heart is drumming too fast for her own liking and it feels more and more difficult to think.Rocky is way too big to be a lap dog but it has never stopped her, especially now, shaking on top of Chloe’s legs in her cycle of repeatedly laying on her and then getting up to pace and bark before hopping back over. The weight does little to help, and every loss of it only shoves her further down her spiral.Chloe’s phone buzzes and she immediately assumes it’s another text from Max’s parents, who have been periodically checking in on her and making sure she’s okay. She keeps lying to say that she is.Instead it’s from Max, but the person texting is clearly not Max. > Hey this is Chloe right?
> This is Max’s coworker Freddy we really really need you to come over here like asap
> Max is having like a seriously bad panic attack and nothing anyone is doing is helping and she said to get you
> I’m like kinda freaking out right now Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCKShe hurried replies with an “omw” before bolting at the speed of the lighting coming down to grab her jacket. Rocky’s barking again and Chloe feels terrible when she pets her fur and promises she’ll be home soon before racing out the door. The rain only hits her for a brief moment before she’s able to get inside her truck but it still floods her with too many memories all the same.She’s probably breaking multiple traffic violations with the way she’s driving, especially since she can hardly see through the rain on the window, but cops be damned she was getting there.Chloe’s suddenly incredibly grateful for the amount of times she did impromptu visits to the aquarium just to see her girlfriend. Her mind went on autopilot to get there and before she could even fully process it she was at the parking lot.The adrenaline kept her speed up, and she did not slow down in the slightest when she ran to the door. The door was locked and halfway through her frantic banging on it did it click that they were probably closed early due to the weather.Before she could debate on what way she wanted to break the door down, the thing was opened and in front of her was someone her age with brown skin, dark brown shaggy hair, a couple piercings, and a panicked expression on his face.“Chloe?” He asked.“Yeah, where’s-“ Only her first word got out before she was being grabbed and yanked inside, matching pace with the stranger over to what seemed to be an employee’s only room.The door to that got shoved open too, and inside was a sight that had Chloe nearly crashing to the floor with how hard she ran over.Max was curled up and rocking back and forth with her head tucked in her knees, her arms wrapped around her legs and her whole frame shaking harshly as she breathed unevenly. Next to her was a girl, crouched by her side and murmuring reassurances. Her darker blue uniform matched the color of the hijab on her head, and immediately she glanced over at Chloe the moment she came speeding over.The other stared at her for a moment, an interesting expression on her face, before it snapped away back to the situation at hand. “You’re Chloe, right?”“Yeah- Shit- Max! Hey, Max? I’m right here, okay?”The girl hesitantly pulled away before she stood up, walked over to the door, and motioned for the guy standing awkwardly nearby to follow her out. Chloe hardly noticed, even when the door shut behind them and left them entirely alone. Her focus was just on Max.“I’m here. I’m here.” She repeated it a couple more times, rubbing a hand down her back and pressing closely against her side. It didn’t take long for Max to uncurl and throw herself into Chloe, the two wrapping around each other as another thunderclap shook the building.Max clung onto her tighter. “Don’t go- I can’t I can’t I won’t-““I’m not going anywhere.” Her throat felt like it was closing while she spoke.“I’m not letting it t-take you.” Max sobbed against her. “I won’t I won’t I won’t”Chloe didn’t know what to say at that one.But she did know that she loved Max. And Max loved her too.Just as protectively as the brunette was holding onto her, Chloe squeezed her in her hold just as tightly. “We- we aren’t back there.” She whispered she didn’t know who she was trying to convince more. “Nothing’s gonna happen. Take a deep breath, okay?”Max’s body was wracked with more sobs, and Chloe let her tears finally fall and soak her girlfriend’s messy hair.They stayed there until the thunder stopped. Chloe didn’t know how long it was. It felt agonizingly long.Max’s shaking had lessened up and her breathing evened out at least. She’d stopped babbling through her tears and instead had shut down, refusing to let go of Chloe even after she suggested they stand and get out of here.She’d completely forgotten about the other’s coworkers, and it almost felt mortifying when she opened the door and found them sitting outside, both their heads snapping to their direction.“How’s-..” The boy’s voice trailed off when he spotted the taller tucked under Chloe’s arm, clinging onto her hand like a lifeline.The girl cleared her throat, standing up. “I’m assuming you both are gonna go. I’ll walk you to the exit. Freddy, I can lock up, just wait here for me okay?”The boy- Freddy- (memories flooded back and silently Chloe noted that this was probably the world’s most awkward way to meet your girlfriend’s work friend) nodded, sparing one last glance at Max before running off. The girl motioned for them to follow, and gently Chloe guided her girlfriend along, willing her own feet to work.When they got to the door Chloe saw that at least the rain had died down. It was still coming down but not nearly as heavy as before. The girl beside them winced before handing them an umbrella Chloe hadn’t even realized she’d grabbed. “Max can give it back to me when I see her next.” The other quickly explained before she could get a word in.“Thanks, uh..”“Pixie.” She grinned, pulling out her phone and also handing it to Chloe. “Could ya maybe gimme your number? I wanna be able to..” Her eyes darted to Max and then back to Chloe.‘Glad she’s got someone who worries.’ with a silent nod and a bit of struggle to type with one hand, she put it in before handing the phone back to Pixie, giving her one last thanks for the umbrella before braving the outside.The car ride home was silent, minus the taps of the rain against the glass.When they got back Chloe helped guide Max back inside the house. Rocky went crazy barking, and Chloe sat next to the other when she fell to the ground and hugged the dog tightly, sniffling.They both stumbled upstairs to Max’s room, fell onto the bed, and once again clung onto each other tightly.Her eyes were practically staring holes into the wall, hands gently rubbing up and down Max’s back while the other clung onto her with one hand, the other one running through her hair for comfort. Captain was tucked between them and Rocky was at their feet.
Nothing’s gonna happen.
She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath.
Nothing’s gonna happen. It’s okay.
The next day they’d both woken up, silently looked at each other, and mutually agreed to go back to bed and sleep today away.When Chloe woke up a second time the bed was empty and it felt like her heart skipped a beat.“Max?” She sat up, looking around before throwing the blanket off of her, muttering a panicked “shit” under her breath. “Maximus?!”Her first thought was to check the bathroom, which was thankfully empty. She stepped back out into the hallway, looking around. “MAX?!”“Down here Chloe!”Incoming heart attack officially canceled. It didn’t stop her from racing down the stairs at a speed that she definitely risked tripping and breaking something at. Max was by the kitchen with her dad, clutching onto Captain tightly and waving at her girlfriend, who was deflating in relief at the sight of her. Vanessa had been the one to be calling for her, sitting on the couch and patting the space next to her. “Sorry, we wanted to let you sleep in more. Wanted to talk to Max about something.”“All good.” Mostly the truth. Chloe took the offer and sat down, looking from Vanessa to Max. “Everything okay?”The brunette glanced over at her father, who looked over at his wife as both nodded. Chloe felt incredibly out of the loop as Max ran over to sit next to her, resting her head on her shoulder. Instantly Chloe wrapped an arm around her, unable to hide the confusion on her face as everyone sat around her. Outside the window it was visibly sunny, so much so that it shone into the house and cast the living room into a nice golden glow. The sight of it felt comforting in a way.“Everything’s great, actually.” Vanessa began, glancing at her husband again.Ryan cleared his throat, a shine in his eyes with barely contained joy. “We actually have a surprise for you Chloe.”She feigned a gasp. “Wow I can’t believe you guys won the lottery and are giving it all to me!”Max snorted next to her, and Ryan chuckled. “Nothing as cool as that, sadly.”Vanessa motioned for him to continue, and the older sat up, hands balled into fists on his lap. “Chloe, a while back Vanessa talked to me about how you wanted to be able to start doing more things, and get out more. It’s taken a while to set up, but finally we can say that we found a car mechanic shop nearby that’s willing to take you in for an internship. If that’s what you want, then all you gotta do is agree, and we’ll let them know and get the details sorted. It’s entirely up to you though, no one will be mad if you decline.”It took way too long for Chloe to let the words register in her brain. And when they did it sounded too good to be true.She’d get to actually work on cars? And get money for it? She never finished highschool. She never got to go to college and she doesn’t even know if she will still. Most people like that don’t get these kinds of chances. This generosity.“I.. I don’t.. why?” She finally settled on, blinking dumbly at the two. “Why did you-“ fuck. She wiped at her face, staring into the carpet with a smile that was entirely made up of disbelief. “I don’t deserve this, I really don’t.”Good things don’t stay when you’re Chloe Price. Nothing good ever stays, you are not worthy of them staying, you’re not-“Chloe?”She looked up and met Vanessa’s gaze.“You’re a good kid.” She reached over and squeezed her hand. “From the day we met you, when Max wouldn’t stop talking about her cool new friend she made at school and how she wanted to hang out with you, and we watched you run around our house and color and talk about superheroes, you were a part of our family. And that has never changed once.”Ryan nodded. “Family helps each other.” He murmured. “So whether you think you deserve this or not, we know you do. You deserve good things, and especially more than that, you deserve to enjoy them kiddo.”Max pressed herself more against her, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.Chloe’s never exactly been renowned as an openly emotional person in any sense that wasn’t sarcasm and anger. Softness, vulnerability? That was reserved for special private occasions.And maybe most wouldn’t consider this that special.Chloe couldn’t care less as she felt the floodgates in her eyes open, and the way Max held her as she cried, and Vanessa rubbing her shoulder and Ryan excusing himself to get her something to drink.They’re not her parents.Nothing is ever going to replace Joyce and William, and the home she had in Arcadia Bay, and the memories and moments that all felt so far away and unreachable now.But god dammit they’re her family.And maybe, just maybe, Chloe thought as she finally calmed down, giving a watery laugh and announcing that she’d take the offer, everyone cheering and deciding right then to plan out a celebration and figure out which restaurant Chloe would like,It was going to be okay. Different, definitely, but okay.She’s used to settling anyway.