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On any normal day, Jungwon wouldn't return to his off campus apartment after his first class on a Wednesday, because the trip was too long when he'd just have to turn around and go back out an hour later. However, as soon as he got to class, and dug around in his bag for his notebook, he felt a stomach sinking panic that his headphones were nowhere in sight. The panic only settled down to a mild annoyance when he realized he'd let Heeseung borrow them the night before, when his own had blown on one side and wouldn't be acceptable for his long night gaming campaign. Jungwon understood, because the static buzz on one side of his head would have driven him crazy no matter what he was doing. The annoyance turned a bit fond as he thought about how serious his roommate got about some of his gaming sessions. As ridiculous and cute as it was, Jungwon just wished he had remembered to take them back that morning before he left. He was so used to leaving them in his bag, and it was way too early to have a coherent thought when he'd left. Heeseung had still been fast asleep because he didn't have a class until the afternoon, even after Jungwon's second class.After spending the entire hour and a half contemplating if he should return home or spend the whole break between classes miserable in the study lab or library without music, Jungwon had decided to make the trip home. He might not have as much time to enjoy them, but he would rather not spend all that time wishing he'd made a different decision.Stepping back into the apartment he shared with his hyung, Jungwon let his bag fall to the floor there as he slipped out of his shoes and made his way towards Heeseung's room. The shower was running. He was relieved that his hyung wasn't still asleep, so he wouldn't have to disturb him, but with a glance at his phone for the time, he didn't want to wait for however long it would take for him to shower.The door to Heeseung's room was slightly ajar, and it wasn't like he'd never been in there. He would just go in and grab his headphones and leave. It wasn't really intruding in a bad way, and he was just going to get something that belonged to him. Pushing the door open, Jungwon stepped in. As much as he'd been in there before to hang out, or play games with Heeseung, it felt weird to be there on his own, without Heeseung knowing. Shoving the feeling away, Jungwon moved to the desk and saw his headphones sitting right in sight, neatly resting on the corner. Heeseung's laptop was still open, the desktop the only thing on the screen.He looked at it for a moment, lips twitching up at the image of two people on a pier. He had no idea what it was of, only that it was some anime Heeseung must have liked. A sudden ding sounded and startled him. A small notification box popped up in the bottom corner of the screen, and his eyes immediately went to it. 'Oh god he sounds so hot I want you're roommate to fuck me too'. A ripple of shock went through him, and for some reason, his hand moved before his brain did. Fingers swiping over the trackpad to hover over the notification, and somehow he accidently clicked. A minimized window shot up and a full paragraph right above the comment he'd just seen met his eyes.'Sometimes I think about my roommate ... his sharp cat eyes ... looks when he comes out of the bathroom ... worship them like this.'His eyes caught words, heat flooding his face, his body. He felt panic rise in him suddenly, thinking about Heeseung coming out of the shower and finding him there, rooting out his secrets. For some reason, maybe not so unintentional as he might like to claim, his eyes darted to the username and the website url before he quickly minimized it again and stepped out of the room. Carefully pushing the door back to the spot he remembered, Jungwon quietly walked back to the door, slipped his feet into his shoes, picked up his bag, and left the apartment like he'd never been there. He even left his headphones, because he didn't want Heeseung to know he'd been there at all, not in his room, not even in their apartment.Jungwon made it all the way down the hallway before pausing, still somewhat in shock. Heeseung was writing about him? Was there some sort of misunderstanding or maybe he'd read it wrong? Maybe it wasn't what he thought he saw. Tugging out his phone, Jungwon pulled up his notes and jotted down both the website and the username. Maybe he would check it later. Part of him thought he shouldn't, but part of him knew he would.Though he had left the headphones, Jungwon definitely wasn't bored for the rest of the day, but sitting through his classes was even more difficult than if he hadn't gone back at all. He couldn't stop thinking, couldn't get what he saw out of his head. It even got to the point where the words got so twisted in his head that he was sure he'd read it wrong, that he was making something up. But it had definitely said roommate. No, it definitely had.Riding the bus home in the late afternoon, Jungwon quite literally obsessed over it. He couldn't think of anything else. The thought of Heeseung writing that, and then whatever he was doing in the shower seemed to eat his brain. Of course, Jungwon had always been attracted to Heeseung. He was gorgeous, and there had certainly been a small amount of playfulness that he might have construed as flirting between them. Still, he'd never really let himself think too much about it, because Heeseung was his roommate, and his friend. It didn't seem like a line he should cross, and any stray thoughts or dreams concerning the other man had been brushed off, pushed away. Clearly, Heeseung had not taken the same approach in regard to those boundaries. If what Jungwon had seen was legitimate, he was giving full life to whatever fantasies he wanted concerning him. It was almost frustrating to discover. Frustrating, and incredibly exciting.Jungwon couldn't remember the last time he'd been so completely absorbed by the thought of something, and before he knew it, he was off the bus and heading into their apartment. Inside, he found the air quiet and still. Heeseung was clearly still out, as he usually was when Jungwon got home. His classes ran later, after all, since he didn't want to be awake so early in the day.Jungwon stripped off his shoes and made a beeline straight to his bedroom. Without even changing, he dropped his bag and pulled out his laptop to boot it up. Pulling out his phone, he rechecked the website, typed it in and suddenly felt the weight of everything when it asked him to log in. He pondered over a username for way too long. At first, he'd started to type in some play on his own name, but quickly thought better of it and erased 'wontondesire'. What sort of name did one use for a sex-centric website? He leaned back thoughtfully as he considered the options. Jungwon wanted at least some reference to himself, but he wanted it to be so subtle that if Heeseung did notice him somehow, he wouldn't be able to make the connection so easily. He typed in 'daddycat' and then erased it again with a small laugh. Using such a term on such a website would probably have a lot of connotation he wasn't sure he wanted. Being called 'daddy' didn't sound entirely bad, but he wasn't completely sure it was what he wanted most, not enough to base an identity around. Thinking back to his original thought, he decided to go with something just a bit more subtle. 'heiswanton' on the screen made him smirk to himself. Perhaps it was a little much to play on the sounds with their names, to correlate that to something undefined and unexplored between them, but if he was going to dive into this, he supposed he shouldn't hold back.Clicking the final buttons to register, Jungwon took a deep breath, and then felt the second round of exasperation of the night. The website was a forum, and Heeseung's post was lost somewhere in one of many, many posts. He suddenly wished he'd taken the time to take a picture of the exact url of the post. Getting up, Jungwon changed and cleaned himself up before getting some dinner and a drink before returning to peruse through the many categories and posts he found. Time drained as he clicked and scrolled in a way that felt torturously endless. It was only when he finally, finally found the comment with the right username on it that he sat back, looked at the time and wondered at just how long he'd been looking. The clock read 10:36. He had been looking through random posts for two hours straight. Heeseung had long since come in and shut himself in his room. Jungwon felt his eyes lift to the wall connecting their rooms before returning to the screen. There was part of him that expected more, desired more than just reading what had been written, but he knew Heeseung wouldn't come barging through the door with a confession at that. He wouldn't even know, and he was aching to read it again, to know exactly what he was dealing with. It felt both wrong and enticingly, excruciatingly, wickedly good.'Sometimes I think about my roommate. I've never spoken about this to anyone, not him and not even my closest friends. I think about his sharp cat eyes, and the way they look at me. I imagine them following me, searching me, taking all of me in. They're so dark, and surprisingly intense at times. It makes me feel naked, or like I want to be naked. I'm not sure. Sometimes the way he looks at me makes me feel weak, like I might collapse, fall to my knees and beg for his cock. I want his hands in my hair, tugging, pulling, as he shoves himself deep in against my throat. God, the way he teases me sometimes with just the smallest touch or comment, and he doesn't even realize. The way his body looks when he comes out of the bathroom in just his towel, hair wet, water dripping down his chest. I've never wanted to be violated by someone so much. To touch someone.. worship them like this. I think about how it would feel the be teased, tied up, at his mercy. I'm so hopeless. I've been thinking about him in the moments to relieve all the tension inside of me, but I need more than that. Being near him, I can't keep channeling all of this at him or I might not be able to keep it to myself any longer. So, I'm here for suggestions. How do I keep myself away from my incredibly hot roommate? How do I distract myself from my escape that has turned into something even more stressful than my daily life?'Sitting back in his chair again, Jungwon considered everything after reading through the entirety of it twice. The thought that Heeseung wasn't just posting a fantasy about him, but trying to distract himself from Jungwon, who had become stressful to him, was a bit of a bummer. He felt a sort of regretful feeling in his chest. Even so, the more he thought about it, the more he felt like maybe it wasn't so bad that he felt that way. After all, if Heeseung was looking for ways to distract himself from Jungwon, then that meant he was really into him. The thought was both intriguing and intoxicating. Jungwon hadn't realized just how into his roommate he was until then, but it was suddenly so glaringly obvious that he wondered how he wasn't in the same position, or an even better one. An even better one would be on top of Heeseung, or like he had so eloquently written about, deep in his throat. The thought was enough to make him almost frustratingly horny, but he didn't just want to think about it. Jungwon wanted more than that. Head leaning back against his chair, he stared at his ceiling for a while, wondering what in the world he should do. He could confront Heeseung, but he wasn't even sure what sort of reaction he would get if he did. Besides that, there was something even more appealing nipping at the edges of his thoughts, and once he gave into that string of thoughts, it was like getting on a train that couldn't go backwards.Leaning forward again, Jungwon looked at the comment already left on Heeseung's post.
'Oh god he sounds so hot I want you're roommate to fuck me too'.
He would have cringed, but it was kind of amusing as well, minus the thought that whoever 'bbyboy2669' was, he might be getting off on Heeseung's description of him or what he wanted to do with him. Jungwon didn't really enjoy that thought. He wanted whatever Heeseung's fantasies about him were, to be his. Which was a very grounding thought. He scoffed and decided to ignore the random comment as he stared at the 'leave a comment' button for a good ten minutes before finally clicking on it. After another hour of writing, erasing and writing more, Jungwon read over what he'd written about twenty times before posting it. He smirked to himself and finally pulled himself away from his laptop to collapse in his bed. At least he would give his roommate something interesting to wake up to, and just maybe Heeseung would take him up on the offer.
'My dear heeatdreams, it sound like you need a place to channel your desires. If your escape is no longer a safe option for you, perhaps I can help you out with some suggestions. I also know what it's like to be close to someone that feels dangerous. Maybe we can help each other out by sharing ideas? Let me know.'
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Author's Note: Sorry this isn't beta-read, so there might be some mistakes. I will try to fix if I find anything. I'm posting this quite late after binge writing so much, but wanted to know if it was worth continuing. Please let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks! ^^
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
------------------chapter 2: An Agreement Made----------------
The sound of his alarm going off only prompted Heeseung to grunt in surprise and turn over, tugging the pillow over his head. In his still half asleep state, he was pretty sure it was wrong and that he should still be sleeping. He had something else to do, not wake up. No, that wasn't it. The noise didn't stop, though, and he eventually regained enough conscious thought to realize what the obnoxious sound interrupting his precious sleep was. Groaning, he rolled back over towards it and sat up, reaching out to find his phone on the far side of his bedside table. With a sigh, he shut the alarm off and dropped his hands to his lap, staring a bit listlessly at the wall for a long few minutes. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his classes were a bit earlier today, one reason he hadn't stayed up so late the night before.Puffing out his cheeks, he leaned back against his wall and spent another couple of minutes willing himself to move before finally dropping his phone to the side and sliding out of his bed.After a long shower and the torturously long minutes he spent waiting for a cup of coffee to brew, he returned to his room to let his hair dry as he sat himself in front of his laptop and booted it up. He started drinking his coffee as he let it load. He wasn't really expecting anything more than the random comment he'd gotten the day before, but curiosity had him pulling the website back up. Another comment notification showed itself in the upper corner of his profile screen, and he clicked on it without much expectation. The reply was longer, and he leaned forward as he read it in slight interest. The invitation to share ideas and help each other out from this new person he'd never seen or interacted with before was somewhat surprising. Not that he'd really interacted with anyone on the site, but he had seen enough of some usernames to get to know them, and some people seemed to talk to each other quite a lot on there, maybe even to know each other. That thought was terrifying, because he didn't even want to imagine how mortified he would be if anyone he knew found him there. Pushing the thought away, Heeseung stared at the comment and the name for a long moment. It didn't sound too weird or creepy, like just about anyone else who had messaged him on the site in the past, but he felt hesitant anyway. Posting what he had, he hadn't really expected anything other than an outlet for his increasingly complicated desire stemming from the fantasies he'd let grow just a little too out of control.Honestly, fantasizing about Jungwon had been something he didn't want to do at first, but had somehow become a way for him to relieve all the stresses from the rest of his life in a way that games and other things hadn't been enough for. Touching himself and not thinking about someone had never been as exciting to him, especially after he has sex for the first time. It was the closest thing he could get to the real thing without actually being with someone, and that just wasn't something he felt ready to initiate. He wasn't even sure he wanted it, not now.Heeseung worked hard to stay at the top with his grades and his extracurriculars, and it left him feeling exhausted and drained. Not to mention the lingering negativity of past relationships ending and leaving him feeling almost ridiculously alone. He knew he wasn't alone entirely, but he'd never known how to fill the gap of a relationship or a lover with something else. He needed an outlet, and somehow he had let Jungwon become that for him. The bad thing was that after a while, it became difficult for him to separate reality from the fantasies, and interacting with Jungwon in daily life had taken a frustratingly embarrassing turn when he started getting turned on during the seemingly innocent times they joked around with each other. He missed the days when he could freely poke or tickle his friend, or even just sit next to each other watching some show on tv, and not get so turned on that he had to retreat to his room or his bathroom to hide it. His thoughts got away from him too easily now. That was his problem.Heeseung didn't really know how he felt about sharing details with a stranger, but there was an appeal to it. In a way it was kind of exciting, even hot. He didn't know what helping each other out might mean, but if it could distract him in a way that wouldn't affect his real life, he thought it might be worth testing it out.Taking a deep breath, and a rather large drink of his hot coffee that he realized was a stupid mistake when it burned all the way down his throat, Heeseung coughed and clicked on the other person's username to send a private message.
'Hi, heiswanton. I was curious about what you said. You said maybe we could help each other out? I could use a distraction from everything, but how will I be helping you out, and what are you proposing we do exactly?'
Letting out a breath, Heeseung closed out of the website and stood to finish getting ready. Jungwon was already gone for the morning, which was fine because he didn't have to think about his problem again for a while, and just maybe this person would be distracting enough to get his mind off of it enough that things could go back to normal, at least enough to keep him from ending up in a very embarrassing situation.
Hours later, Heeseung was having a late lunch between classes in one of the campus dining halls. Jake sat across from him making somewhat obscene noises that sounded almost sensual as he ate his meal of ramyeon and sausage. "Ugh this is so good," he groaned, hands fisting on the table as he leaned back in a show of just how good it was.Laughing under his breath, Heeseung took another bite, and felt like it was really good, but not really any more than usual. This hall definitely had the best ramyeon, a reason the two of them had frequented it in their days of college so far. Heeseung and Jake had quickly become friends during Heeseung's second year there, and he might have ended up rooming with the other man if Jake hadn't already had two other roommates lined up. He was a popular guy. Despite how introverted he could be at times, he was also extremely cute and friendly when it came to the individuals he bestowed his attention on. Heeseung knew Sunghoon and Riki as well, though Sunghoon more so. He honestly couldn't say who he was closer to between Sunghoon and Jake, even if he'd met Jake first, but he knew they were inevitably closer to each other, and probably Riki, since they all roomed together. Heeseung wasn't the quickest person to suggest things like living together, so it was only natural Jake had dedicated roommates before he even had a chance to really consider it. Living with Jake might have been more comfortable in ways, but he couldn't say he exactly regretted living with Jungwon, not when it had allowed him to get closer to the other man over the last year. It had presented its own difficulties, though, when he realized just how attracted to him he was."You're really deep in your thoughts," Jake said suddenly, pulling Heeseung from said musings. His gaze focused on his friend across the table, and the usually smiling face suddenly looked more thoughtful and serious as well. It was kind of incredible to Heeseung how easily he could switch between playful and serious, how even when he was serious, the edges of his lips looked like they might betray a smile at any point in time. Heeseung liked that. In some ways, Jake had made his life feel lighter, more fun. He definitely went out more after finding a real group of friends, not to mention Jungwon and his core group and how they all kind of actually knew each other. Jungwon. Again. He pushed the thought away."I'm just thinking about things," he said carefully. If he said too much, Jake might try to get more out of him than he wanted to share. Jake's eyebrows lifted as he considered him quietly for a moment."People things?" he asked with a searching, and a somewhat playfully accusatory gaze.Scoffing, Heeseung kicked him lightly under the table. Jake blanched, showing a bit of the ramyeon left on his tongue, to which Heeseung made a disgusted face.Chuckling in amusement, Jake shrugged. "Not my business, but you can talk to me about it if you want. I promise I won't judge... unless it's about me," he added with another playful look, this one jokingly scandalized."As if," Heeseung shot back with a smirk as he leaned back. "I don't know. I told myself I wouldn't date anyone for the next couple of years so I could focus on school, but it's hard being alone, you know?" That was true, and much easier to talk about than what was actually most prevalent in his thoughts.Jake nodded slowly and crossed his arms as he considered, "Yeah, that makes sense. We all have needs," he added with a smirk of his own. "I mean maybe you could find something casual. I could try and help if you want? Find someone into casual things."Heeseung shuddered and quickly shook his head. "No, that's okay. I think I'll just suffer with my hand, thanks."With a laugh, Jake kicked him back. "Rude, it's like you don't trust my judgement.""I don't," Heeseung deadpanned, way too matter-of-fact, and Jake's open mouthed shocked and hurt look made him laugh. At least, even if he was a pent up mess of frustration, Heeseung had friends he could joke around with like that. At least he could forget about his life complications for small moments in time. If only things with Jungwon hadn't started feeling complicated. If only he didn't suddenly want those secret fantasies to be real so much that it had become difficult to think about anything else around him. A year. It had only taken a full year for him to figure out just how much he had royally fucked himself by not cutting those thoughts off early, before they could grow into this monster.
There was a phone app version of the website that Heeseung had been absolutely not comfortable with the thought of downloading when he started using it a few months prior. He had shuddered at the thought of anyone finding his phone and finding out just how depraved he could be. His recent comment was only one of many he'd left in various threads, and the rest were less question and more just fantasies he'd shared as an outlet in a slightly different, but similar way that Jungwon had been an outlet for him for so long. It was honestly maybe only a month after they moved in together that it started, and looking back on it, Heeseung couldn't help but feel like maybe he was just disgusting for letting himself cross that line so easily, like maybe in some way it was encroaching on Jungwon's rights.Jungwon had dated girls in the time that they had known each other, and hadn't ever made it clear that he was interested in anything other than that. Regardless of that, Heeseung had still let himself make him the object of his fantasies, and only now when it started to feel like too much, did he reflect on it and think maybe he should have considered both the consequences and how Jungwon might feel about it more. He wanted to hate himself, but really, he mostly just felt sorry for himself. Heeseung really wanted nothing more than Jungwon's cock buried deep inside of him, hearing him say all the nasty things he wanted to do to him, but that was just the Jungwon in Heeseung's head. A version of him twisted to suit what he wanted, and he had to accept and deal with that. The real Jungwon might never be into any of the things Heeseung was, or into him period.With a sigh, he let his shoulder bag slip to the floor and sat down at his desk. Maybe, just maybe, he could find some relief in talking to whoever this stranger on the forums was. Booting up his computer, he leaned back in his chair and listened to Jungwon moving around in his room. He tried not to, but he did. His bed creaked and Heeseung felt a thrill rush down his spine. He shoved it away roughly and pulled up the website. There was a reply in his private messages. With wide eyes, he leaned closer and pulled the message open.
'That's a fair question. I hope you don't think this is too forward, but I enjoyed what you said before, and I wanted to hear more about your experiences. If you want to give this a try, I can help distract you from your roommate by ... suggesting other things to do and think about. No pressure, and no strings attached. You can do things when you have time, and you don't have to worry about things like your roommate if you're busy enough with those things. For me, I'm mostly just curious. I think it could be fun. If you're in?'
Heeseung stared at the screen for a long moment. The stranger was suggesting some sort of no strings attached sexual play through the internet, or at least that was how it sounded. It was intriguing, and even though it wasn't Jungwon, or someone he fantasized about in real life, he couldn't help but feel a slight rush at the thought. From how it sounded, he was more or less suggesting that he could tell Heeseung to do things, and that he wanted to hear about those things when they happened. It was a little arousing in a strange way that Heeseung wasn't sure he really wanted to explore, but at the same time, his options were exploring this new potentially kinkier side to himself, or continuing to pine over Jungwon in a way that would likely inevitably make him both obvious and so ashamed that he wanted to sink directly into the earth one day. After a long moment, he finally did type and send a response.
'Okay, I'm in. I'm curious what sorts of things you would give me to do. Also, what should I call you?'
After sending the message, Heeseung stood up to get ready for bed, but the almost immediate ding in response took him by surprise. He grimaced and sat back down, turning his laptop's sound down nearly all the way before opening the response.
'Real names are off the table, but how about you call me Wanton? And I can call you Heat?'
Heeseung wanted to laugh at the response, because the names were both cute and ridiculous, but he did appreciate the play on their usernames. Something about it felt kind of odd, like another ding in his head that he couldn't exactly place, but he pushed it away. It wasn't like the guy would know Hee was actually part of his real name.
'Wonton would be cuter, but okay. I guess I can call you that. You didn't tell me about the other part though?'
This time Heeseung stayed in front of his computer, waiting, staring at the messages. Nothing happened for several minutes, and the build up started to waver as he wondered if maybe he'd expected too much. Then, it came.
'Think about it tonight, what I might tell you to do. I will send a message in the morning. We can discuss more later about when and how you'd like to play.'
Heeseung definitely felt his cock twitch at that. It was almost a scary feeling, as he wondered just who in the world this guy was, and what in the world he was getting himself into. It felt hot, though, and wouldn't be something he'd have to worry about making obvious at any point. He grimaced to himself and glanced at the door, wondering if it would be too weird to take another shower. Lips pursing thoughtfully, he sent a quick, 'Okay, I can do that' before crawling into his bed. Situating himself comfortably under the blanket, Heeseung closed his eyes and thought about all the things someone from across the internet might come up with for him to do or think about, or if he'd want to, or if it would continue, or how hot it could be if he wasn't just some crazy troll. He pushed the uncertainty away and bit down on his lower lip as the memory of Jungwon's bed creaking slipped right back to the front of his mind, his fingers tracing down over his navel, lightly tickling the skin of his stomach before finding the band of his pants, digging under the loose elastic and down, down further.
The next morning, Heeseung woke up to a new message that sent him reeling.
'Today, while you're out at whatever you're doing, I want you to find a bathroom, shut yourself in a stall and touch yourself. Tell me about it. If anyone walks in, how you feel, if you can get off like that. I want to know more about your limits before I give you more.'
He was simultaneously mortified and turned on at the thought. Shutting his laptop again, Heeseung walked out of his room and into the kitchen to find Jungwon in there, munching on a piece of toast.
"You're still here," he murmured in a sleepy voice. Jungwon simply smiled in response, his cheeks forming the ridiculously attractive dimples Heeseung knew so well at this point.
"You're up early. Want some coffee?"
Heeseung nodded before sliding into one of the chairs at the table and laying his cheek on the surface. "I couldn't sleep well," which was true. He just didn't want to say he was too preoccupied thinking about what sexual things he might be getting up to, or told to do by some stranger online. That would have made any of his friends lift an eyebrows so to speak. He definitely didn't want to tell Jungwon, because that would be some combination of admitting how deranged he was and halfway to admitting all the things he'd been thinking about recently that lead to this interaction. The cup of coffee sat in front of him steamed invitingly, and as he sat up, he wrapped his hands around it and took a sip to see it was just how he liked it."Thanks," he said quietly. Jungwon stared at him quietly for a moment before moving to clean up his breakfast mess.
"Are you okay, hyung? You seem distracted," he said as he moved closer again once he was done. Heeseung started a little and looked up from his coffee. Jake had said something like that the day before, and now Jungwon. He must really be letting everything get to him too much. He couldn't even hide it anymore, and he was so good at hiding inner turmoil usually.
"Ah, no I'm fine. Just a lot of school stuff right now," he said a little dumbly, not really knowing how to respond to it. He really needed to get a hold of himself.
"Well, don't get too stressed out. I'm sure you'll do well. You always do," he responded with one of his gummy smiles, reaching out to squeeze Heeseung's shoulder before moving around him. "I'll see you later. Gotta get to class."
"Oh, have a good day," Heeseung shouted after him, getting a returned sentiment in response before he heard the front door shut behind his roommmate. He sighed softly and wanted to bury his face in the table. Jungwon had no idea just what he was worried about 'doing well' with suddenly, after the message he got. Part of him thought he should message Wanton right away and tell him hell no, but another part of him, a hot, uncomfortable feeling in his gut, made him pause. He was almost as mortified by the thought of doing it as he was with the thought that he kind of wanted to.
Even so, maybe letting himself five into whatever this was would help him be a little less swept up in Jungwon before he made their living arrangements too awkward to live with. Just the squeeze of his shoulder had his mind attempting to stray to thoughts of Jungwon touching him, squeezing him in other ways. He laughed a little incredulously at himself and thought he might have a serious problem, actually. It wasn't just that, but also that he didn't want to lose Jungwon as much as he had him. He didn't want to lose his friend. Frowning, he gripped the cup tighter until it nearly burned his hands. He wouldn't let his fantasies ruin their friendship.
The entirety of the day, Heeseung felt the weight of what he was supposed to do nagging at the back of his thoughts. Why would he start with something like that? Couldn't he just have said something like, 'touch yourself in the shower'. Through his first class, he kept telling himself he didn't have to do it that day, or at all, but he couldn't ignore the part of him that wanted to, that wanted to explore whatever this was. It made him feel hot, embarrassed, and oddly turned on to think about doing what he was told to. He'd never really, fully explored anything like that, even if he'd thought about similar things in the past. He'd thought about a lot of things he hadn't ever explored with anyone, because he never really knew how to bring up the whole 'hey, would you mind telling me what to do or just doing whatever you want with me, because that kind of shit turns me on' sort of topic. He'd been involved with a couple of girls and guys in his life, and hadn't crossed that line with any of them, at least not very far. He wasn't sure he'd wanted to with them anyway, but the thought was just too awkward and intimidating to actually bring up. He'd been intimately involved with people, but even the times that felt rougher or intense had never really included such a straightforward dynamic.
Somehow, suddenly, during the hour gap between classes, Heeseung had brushed off meeting his friends and found himself slipping into one of the less used, more remote, bathrooms on campus. No one was in there and he laughed nervously at himself as he slowly moved to a stall and locked himself inside. He stood there for a while, feeling a bit at a loss. Frowning, he pulled out his phone, and on a whim decided to download the app and log in to the site. Several minutes later, he was in his messages and staring at the instructions with heat rising into his face.
'I'm there right now, like you told me.'
He sent the message after a moment and then leaned against one of the walls with a sigh, feeling kind of dumb for just being there. Maybe he wasn't as cut out for this as he thought. His hand holding his phone dropped by his side for a moment as he contemplated just leaving, and then a ding sounded and he quickly pulled it back up to read the new message.
'Oh? You're such a good boy, doing what I said. You've done so well. Have you touched yourself yet? Are you touching yourself for me, pretty boy?'
Heeseung felt heat flood his face, his ears, his neck, and even down into his chest. He wasn't really expecting a response, or an interest in what he was doing. Even though this person didn't know him, and he didn't know them, it was kind of exciting regardless. He felt a little ashamed for being so turned on by such a simple message from a stranger, but he liked being appreciated, and to his own embarrasement, really liked being praised. That thought alone made him want to both throw his phone somewhere far away and sink further into whatever this was. Heeseung wanted to respond, and to be able to respond without lying about it. Biting down on his lower lip, he listened to the silence around him for a few more minutes, wanting to be sure he was really and truly alone. Then, he moved his other hand, fingers digging into the space under his shirt and at the hem of his pants. He took a breath and listened again, but all was quiet around him. Fingers pressing into the small give of space between skin and jeans, Heeseung moved his hand into the tight space of his briefs and curled them around the shape of his cock. He took a deep, shuddering breath and let his head rest against the wall as he stroked himself in the tight confines. Using his other hand, he struggled to type out a reply.
'I am. Right now. No one is around, What should I do?'
He bit down hard onto his lower lip and dropped his hand to undo the button and zipper to his pants, giving himself more range of movement as he stroked himself, mind drifting to thoughts of the person telling him to do this, and then ultimately to the person he'd been trying to avoid. Somehow, he was suddenly thinking of Jungwon in front of him, his own hand down his pants, touching him, telling him how dirty and slutty he was for touching himself in a place like this, for wanting to tell someone what he was doing. He shivered and stroked his own cock faster, groaning and pressing his head harder back against the cool metal of the wall. His teeth bared in frustrated pleasure as he stroked faster. Lifting he free hand, he pressed the back of his arm against his teeth, biting just enough to stifle any noises as he palmed the head of his cock. He forgot to look back at his phone, as his imagination continued providing Jungwon in front of him, kissing his neck, touching him instead. Heeseung gasped as a final tug pulled him over the edge and he spilled into his hand. He took several deep breaths and then looked at his phone again with hazy eyes as he struggled to grab enough tissue to clean himself off.
'Tell me about it. What are you feeling right now?'
He felt suddenly a little ashamed that he'd just gotten off without saying anything else. Even so, he supposed it was the only opportunity to be honest he had right then.
'I started thinking about him again. I was thinking about him touching me instead of being by myself, and telling me how bad I am. How slutty I am to touch myself like that for someone like this. Do I have a problem?'
He sighed and figured he probably shouldn't treat this stranger like some sort of sexual deviance guru when he didn't even know anything about him. Still, it was nice to have an outlet where he could be completely honest, even if he had to somehow get through the rest of the day, knowing that he really needed a shower. He supposed the tissues would have to do.