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A regular Saturday. That’s all today was supposed to be.The usual from start to finish of his weekend routine: breakfast, shopping, lunch, and drinks to top it all off. An easygoing weekend spent with cherished friends to relax after grueling week. Then Vash would go home to tidy up and order overpriced delivery to welcome his twin home with.He’d been looking forward to this day for a while, even though the original plans were hardly different from any other Saturday. He’s certainly not looking forward to it anymore. What once was is no longer.
Boo.
If Vash finds himself alone in the apartment, he begins his day early and ends late with the girls, waiting until Sunday to catch up on sleep and responsibilities. Milly and Meryl typically choose the brunch spot - never the same place twice in a row.Afterward, always beginning with the neighborhood book store; followed by the thrift shop and so on, the trio shops around, coffees (or teas) in hand, with lunch in between. Once satisfied with their haul and ready to rest their feet, they wind up somewhere familiar to drink until the bars close, often reflecting on the events of the day between sips and selfies.If Nai is home, he and Vash sometimes go out together on Friday night - typically a fancy dinner somewhere quiet - private - staying up late to catch up with dishes that Vash typically cannot pronounce the names of but inhales with absolute delight.Saturday, they become useless homebodies and spend time with each other, still one on one, in the comfort of their downtown apartment. They order groceries and cook together, searching new recipes. More dishes Vash can’t pronounce but is eager to taste.Nai does most of the work, with claims that Vash is a mess in the kitchen. Vash is given smaller tasks because he wants to feel useful, do his part. But he knows Nai would happily do all of the work, wanting to spoil him. The younger twin knows this, but he can’t stand sitting around watching if there’s something he can contribute. He’s too antsy. So Nai always gives in.If Nai is jet lagged, Vash will sometimes meet the girls at their favorite hangout spot, but only for a drink or two while Nai is catching up on sleep. His twin rarely spends time with the whole group, insisting Vash is the only person he has any desire to spend time with until his long next venture away from home.Sometimes, Nai is gone for weeks at a time. So Vash tries his best to be there to welcome him home with a freshly cleaned apartment and some of his favorite things. His brother isn’t very social, so he knows how exhausting his travels are for him. It’s one business meeting after the next. He returns physically and emotionally drained every time.Vash has often wondered if Nai gets any sleep when he’s away because it’s about eighty percent of what he does when he’s home. Will Nai be disappointed if Vash isn’t there when he gets back from his long journey?The younger twin didn’t even get a chance to buy Nai’s favorite snacks, let alone do anything else. Why couldn’t any of this wait another day so that his brother would be here already? Either way, it’s a huge inconvenience.Vash really can’t believe this is happening right now, even though he should. It’s exactly his luck. This is where procrastination and not wanting to be an inconvenience has gotten him. Well how convenient is this?There have been accumulating signs for a couple months - uncomfortable pains and several rough bouts of nausea among other symptoms. But he’d chosen to keep his mouth shut to spare his loved ones the concern. Especially Nai. He has been traveling so much more recently and Vash doesn’t want to bring him any additional stress knowing that those overseas flights are hard on his brother.He already sent him off with some minor anxiety and even though Nai insisted it was fine and Vash was forgiven, Vash has still been worried about it. He promised Nai he had nothing to worry about, swearing to the heavens they’d benefit from the choices he was making; all but begging his older brother to trust him.Now, here he is, creating a whole new slew of concerns for Nai to come home to. At least he’ll be home.It’s selfish, but a wave of relief washes through him. His brother isn’t here, but his impending arrival does bring some comfort. Vash knows his current situation will have Nai rearranging his entire schedule for the next six months, even if the younger twin recovers fully by tomorrow.His arrival can’t come soon enough. Vash has so much he needs to tell him. At least breakfast was nice because the rest of Vash’s plans are now totally fucked.He’s stressed and starving and nobody will let him eat anything yet since they’re between tests and haven’t figured out exactly what’s wrong with him yet. Vash already knows though. He’s just ashamed to speak up. He isn’t being dishonest with questions from the nurses or the two doctors that have stopped in, but he isn’t being as clear as he could be. And if he were to be totally honest with himself, he knew the day was coming when he couldn’t ignore it anymore.He feels stupid. This is why he needs his twin here. The girls keep asking questions too (rightfully so), but Vash doesn’t have the bandwidth to get into it even when he does have an answer to one or another. Maybe he should have told them about it all sooner, perhaps years ago, but it’s an awkward subject, even though he’s certain they’d never judge.Knowing Meryl and Milly, they’d probably understand it quite well, actually. It isn’t as though he has kept everything a complete secret. They know as much as Vash feels they need to. Each time he considers telling someone the truth, the ache in his chest makes it too unbearable.He’d rather claw his own throat out than bear how tight it feels when he attempts to speak on it. Even the thought of it hurts. A duller ache, but still present. Still noticeable enough to feel it, but subtle enough to keep hidden; keeping him restless and unable to focus. Vash wants to stow the feelings away. Bury them six feet deep. Hopefully to never need addressing. At least- that was the hope. He can’t hide forever. It hasn’t done him any good as it is.All Vash really wants at this point is to get through the next steps and get the hell out of here, but he can’t escape the waiting game. Especially not without Nai here bossing everyone around. That overprotective nitpicking definitely comes in handy sometimes. About as often as it has been annoying to Vash, he can admit.At the end of the day, Vash knows all the attitude Nai brings with him comes from a place of both fear and love. He’s seen too many hospital rooms in his twenty-five years. Both have.The younger twin swears there will come a day when he can look back and say it has been twenty-five years since last visiting one of these places. He’s sure Nai would like that too. The younger twin can only imagine the absolute hell it has been on his brother too. There’s always a sharp pang of guilt when Vash considers what he has put his only family through and how he’s making it worse being here yet again.Vash stares at the ceiling with hazy eyes after completing a number of tests that have left him more exhausted than before, but still too anxious for any real sleep. He has had too many unfamiliar hands on him for one day. Too many people asking about his medical history. Too many eyes raking over each scar revealed. Too many voices trying - failing - not to pity or infantilize him or act as though he shouldn’t be alive. He knows he shouldn’t.University hospital.Med students.Nai is going to be so pissed about that. He has a firm stance against letting them near his brother. Vash is a medical anomaly in several ways and these fresh, young doctors all want a chance to look at the rare specimen but don’t know how to process it gracefully. Forgetting he’s human, as Nai puts it. So rather than set his own boundaries, Vash is all smiles and awkward laughter like he usually is whenever he’s on the spot.Meryl can tell he doesn’t like it and has wondered several times if she should step in, but she’s too hesitant. Her stupid friend is difficult to get a good read on right now. She and Milly have exchanged several glances wondering what to do or waiting for Vash’s “save me” eyes to look their way. But they don’t.In a way, it’s almost like he’s pretending they’re not there. Not because he wants them to leave though. Milly believes he’s overwhelmed by the attention and trying to make himself as small as possible. Trying to block everyone out in hopes that they’ll become invisible and leave. She’s right. Vash thought the questions would never end and, by the way doctors keep passing by his room to look inside, he suspects there are more questions on the way. He hides under the thin blanket he’s been offered, not wanting to be seen anymore today. Not that he’s done anything to stop it. Nai usually does that for him - which, to a degree, may not be as helpful as it seems, but still makes Vash feel better.He realized during the tests and another round of questions that this is his first time in the hospital without Nai consistently within his sights, answering on his behalf. Unlike his older brother, who does not give a singular fuck about what others think of him, Vash doesn’t ever want to come across as rude or difficult.So, he stayed awkwardly quiet and polite despite his discomfort and the way his heart yearned for someone more familiar by his side after the girls had not been allowed to stay in the room with him.He’s relieved that they’re back, but hopes they’re done with questions too. Vash doesn’t want to talk anymore. Doesn’t want to explain. Now that he’s through all of that, he’s finally feeling the effects of the hospital grade drugs offer relief, trying his best to forget the last several hours. Trying not to think.Trying to relax.Failing.There is no distraction quite strong enough. Not here. And his heart is slowly crumbling to dust in his chest. There isn’t a single question to be asked that can stop that. No solution for all hope obliterated.He looks as though he’s just received a death sentence. Though Meryl heard the doctor say Vash would probably be fine after surgery. Certainty is right around the corner once the results are confirmed. It seems like they know what the issue is and can fix it. Shouldn’t Vash be happier? Her curious nature and love for her friend have her dying to know what’s gnawing at him.“If there’s anything you need, you don’t have to be shy, Vash. If you need us to go get you anything, we can. We’ll call your brother, your boss, whatever you want us to do.” Meryl offers - her voice sounds a bit far away. Muffled like she’s one room over, hiding behind a door.“You’re too worried about me. I’m okay, really. Not my first time doing this. I’ll be fine.” Vash gently laughs it off, despite the brick of lead pushing down on his heart, slowly crushing his hopes and dreams.He knows he should have told the girls about everything a long time ago, but he never found the will. Not that it would change a thing. He’d feel exactly the same as he does now. Only they’d be looking at him in that way; trying to offer their sympathy. It’s nauseating because he feels so undeserving. Ungrateful. And one day, these wonderful friends of his might just catch on and leave him behind.“Too worried? Vash, please- be real right now.” Meryl sighs in frustration and disappointment. “I don’t care if it’s the first or five-hundredth.”She’s a wonderful friend, worrying as she does, and Vash already feels enough guilt knowing she can’t provide what his heart is aching for. Though he would also be so much worse off without his friends. He keeps so many secrets from them, yet they stay by his side.They’re a couple years apart in age, but that hasn’t once stopped the girls. Meryl, specifically, hasn’t left him alone since high school. Vash already feels guilty for making her worry and asking her to do anything more than she already has is too selfish of him. With all the help she’s provided over the years, Vash knows he can trust her, but he still won’t burden her with these feelings.It isn’t personal. Perhaps he’s taking advantage of the fact that she and Milly have never actually forced him into talking about anything. They know enough through the bits and pieces to envision the entire puzzle. So Vash gets away with his many secrets and the girls protect what little information they have on him. Vash isn’t the only one who gets questions. He has no idea they were stopped for what damn near felt like an interrogation in the hallway. So rude.Despite it all, Vash forces a smile “I am okay. I swear. It’s nothing. I’ll be home in no time and Nai will be back around ten or eleven.”“Yeah, okay. But that’s hours from now, you know?”“I think I can make it til then.”It’s quite possible that his twin is the only person he doesn’t feel guilty about being greedy with, especially as Nai spends weeks away from home sometimes. Vash needs to suck up all of his free time whenever he actually has some.“Huh? He’s coming back? It’s been nearly a month since he left, hasn’t it?” Milly chimes in.She’s fond of Nai. Finds him funny and awkward. Vash agrees. He is. It makes him happy that someone else sees it too. His brother can come across so cold, but that isn’t who he is at heart. “Yeah. He’s always gone somewhere or another...” Meryl crosses her arms. “He probably has no idea you’re here does he?”“Ah— well… no.” Vash admits guiltily. “Not yet.”“God- give me your phone.” Meryl snatches it from where it’s resting defenseless on Vash’s left side, where he does not have a hand to stop her and is much too slow to react with his right.“Aw- low blow, Mer.” Vash whimpers defeatedly. He never learns.“Don’t care.” She’s unsympathetic. Vash is used to it and Meryl is used to his manipulative golden retriever tactics. She’s been immune for years now. In fact, she’s quite possibly the only one who is.“Are you really my friend or my biggest bully?” Vash pouts.“You decide.” Meryl shrugs him off. Meryl types up the message for him but is kind enough to read it aloud for Vash’s approval before she hits send. “‘Hey, Nai. You’re not going to believe this, but I’m in the emergency room… again. Passed out this morning. The girls are with me so I’m not alone. I’m okay. Meryl will send you updates. Sorry to worry you while you’re traveling. See you soon. Love you.’ Good enough?”“Ahh… yeah, I— that’s good, I guess.” Vash sighs. It doesn’t exactly sound like how he would text his brother but it’s close enough.Meryl rolls her eyes and adds some emojis for flavor. Nai will probably figure out that someone else wrote it on behalf of Vash. Meryl isn’t stupid though.She returns Vash’s phone to him and reaches for her own to let his older brother know Vash is at the university hospital near their apartment in case he isn’t discharged by the time Nai’s flight lands.“I don’t think we can wait until your brother gets here, but we’ll stay as long as we can.” Meryl promises after her message has been sent. “Oh! Maybe we can get Nicholas off his ass and over here!”The suggestion comes, seemingly, out of nowhere. But Meryl isn’t stupid. She knows exactly what has been going on there and thinks it might be the perfect cure for the sad look in her friend’s eye.“Huh?!“ Vash hears her chirp that name and turns bright pink.Meryl has been trying to get him to dish out the details, but he’s been skirting around all of her questions. She’ll take any opportunity to ask and with Nai out of town, Vash has had plenty of time with Wolfwood lately.“Shoot! Nicholas! I forgot!” Milly gasps, leaping to her feet. “He opened this morning. I am very late again. I’ve left him all alone!”“You work today?! Milly!” Meryl comically gapes at her. On their Saturday?“I know, I know.” Milly quickly gathers her belongings after checking the time. She has to hurry if she doesn’t want to be fired. “I picked up an extra shift last minute. I forgot! I’m so sorry. I’ll come back. I’m so very sorry, but please keep me updated! I’m so sorry, Vash!”“It’s okay, Mil. Get to work. I’ll probably be right here.” Vash snorts, watching her run out. Just like Meryl, she has done more than enough too.“Okay. Well I guess I will stay here as long as I can.” Meryl corrects herself. “Sorry.”“It’s fine. I know she really needs the extra money right now. And it’s not like there’s anything to do around here other than watch TV. Boring.” Vash is grateful they’ve dropped the subject of one Nicholas D. Wolfwood for now.That guy- Vash closes his eyes for a moment and wonders what it would be like if he were to show up here.He’s been good to Vash so far, but he knows from previous conversation the man is not a fan of hospitals. Though he has only a summarized version of why, Vash can’t imagine that Wollfwood could show up willingly. Besides, they aren’t close enough for that yet, are they? Vash asked to take things a little slower, so he can’t speed it up now. Wolfwood doesn’t need to know that Vash is here. He doesn’t want to put that kind of pressure on him or those expectations.Despite the grief Meryl gives him, Wolfwood works a ton to support himself and his brother. And when he’s not working, he volunteers and rescues injured animals and bakes fresh bread. Vash doesn’t want to be a distraction from his priorities, as nice as it would be to have him here. He can’t really deny that. But he knows Wolfwood has better things to do right now than sit here, waiting with Vash, in a place he doesn’t want to be.“It’s really fine. Nai will be back soon and then I won’t get any peace at all. He’s gonna pop a blood vessel worrying before he even gets out of the airport.” He snorts, suppressing his desires. “He’s always worrying too much. Also my fault. I mean, look at me.”Meryl raises a brow at Vash. “Yeah, if you say so. But you do like Nick, don’t you?”Damn it. She is not going to let him drop this topic, is she?“Well, yeah. We are dating after all. But-“ Vash blinks his eyes open and focuses on his tiny, fearless friend.“So wouldn’t it be nice if he paid you a visit while you’re feeling down and out?”He loves how bold Meryl is until she’s honed in on him like this. They’ve been close since high school, but he still struggles to fully open up to her even though he’d lay his life down for hers. He’s lucky to have a friend as loyal and kind and ferocious as Meryl Stryfe. She’s been sticking up for him all day just as she’s done for years. Meryl loves Vash and she wants to see him succeed.“Uhh… sure, but-“Meryl tosses her hands in the air and groans. “But nothing, dummy. It’s okay to want the person you’re dating to show up for you. Good lord. I know you’re bad at this, but that guy likes you. Like a ton. Obsessed, even. You could have him feeding you cheese and grapes and worshipping your body three times a day. Three! At minimum! Wrapped around your finger. Likes. You.” She pokes his chest, ensuring that he knows she isn’t talking about anybody else. “You’re so hopeless, Vash.”Vash laughs bashfully. It hurts but he can’t hold back. He is known to shy away from these topics, recoiling as if he’s afraid the truth will lash out and bite him.“Yeah, Meryl. I get it. I know he likes me.”“Ah. That’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?”Vash’s face falls and he stiffens. “Huh?!”“Oh! I’m so right, aren’t I? You don’t want to tell him. You think it will run him off!” She calls him out without a lick of hesitation.“N-no! I- he has a lot going on. That’s all. Why worry him over nothing? I don’t even know what’s happening with me yet. I’ll probably be out of here soon.”Is he lying? Maybe a little.Vash wishes more than anything that his body wasn’t betraying him right now so he could go home. Then he could escape this silly idea, but the longer he’s here, the more likely it is he’ll be admitted overnight. Trapped like a stray cat. No, Wolfwood does not need to know about this, even if it would be nice to have him here. Just to look at him while awaiting the test results. To hear him crack some stupid joke or watch him come in and out after stepping outside for a cigarette. He’d probably come back in grouchy after being told to take his smoking to the street, as this is a tobacco free campus.
No.
Vash does not need that at all and Wolfwood does not need more to worry about.Vash snickers at his own thoughts. He can’t help it. The drugs are going to war with his embarrassment. And- and Nicholas is really - very - nice to look at, even in his own imagination. And he always smells so good. And he’s perpetually the perfect temperature. Warm. Simply put, the man is fucking hot.Yeah. Vash is definitely feeling the drugs. They’ve taken hold. And they’re making him miss that guy right now. He can’t believe he hasn’t been able to make time for him this week. It feels awful. Because, damn, he’s a catch.“Are you high?” Meryl scoffs amusedly.“Hehe. Yep. I think maybe a little.” Vash admits it easily. His head is feeling light, like a balloon tied down. Floating, swaying back and forth, but unable to escape into the clouds.“Of course you are. Perfect time to get that big idiot over here.” Meryl thinks. She doesn’t need to do a thing though. Milly will surely fill Nicholas in on her own and get him here soon enough.“Don’t be silly, Meryl.” Vash giggles.“I’d never dream of it.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“You’re late again, Mil!” Wolfwood groans and wipes his hands on a towel before draping it over his shoulder. He draws in a deep breath and sets his hands on his hips with a mild huff, wishing he had it in him to be a little angrier with her. But for all the times she’s been late, Milly has never been this late and she’s never called out either. Unlike the rest of the staff, she picks up a ton of extra shifts and never misses her own. It’s a cause for concern more than annoyance.Milly immediately gives him the eyes. Huge and round and innocent with those crazy long giraffe-like eyelashes. It’s not fair. She knows he is weak to her kind innocence. It reminds him of someone else who drives him absolutely batshit crazy on a regular basis. Why is he drawn to these types? Unable to hate them no matter how they get on his nerves? Well- whatever the reason, Wolfwood is relieved to see Milly here now. “I know, I know. And I’m so so so sorry. I have a good reason this time I promise, Nicholas. Really good. I mean it.” She answers, tone making it that much more apparent; that she’s begging for his forgiveness once more. Though, he’s told her to stop telling her it won’t happen again. So Milly doesn’t say it. She doesn’t want a liar made out of her. So whatever she’s going to tell him, no matter how wild it sounds, will be the truth.“Yeah, I bet.” Wolfwood scoffs, wondering what it’ll be this time. Rescuing another box of kittens? Helping someone carry their groceries home? Always an act of kindness, which he knows Milly is made out of. Another reason he can’t be mad. The world would have crumbled a long time ago without people like her in it.“Try me. What was so important that I had to cover your ass for an extra hour and a half?” He grumbles back while Milly ties her apron.it isn’t like he has a long list of errands to complete or plans after work, but he’s been here all day, and is ready to get the hell out. Wolfwood has recently come into this pretty good gig as assistant manager of this old bistro near the university and told the boss he was staying late to cover for someone else, but the truth is that she hadn’t given any warning this time. No heads up. Usually, she does. Milly is late all the time and Nicholas always makes excuses for her because it would absolutely suck for him most of all if she got fired. She always finds a way to make up for it. Besides, after her last place of work closed down unexpectedly, he knows she really needs this job to get her through the summer. Most traffic comes from the neighborhood, so it stays busy and the tips are great. Unsurprisingly, it turns out teaching kindergarten does not pay particularly well, so Milly needs a summer job to stay afloat.Even though she’s never once been on time, she makes customers happy and generally does great work around the little restaurant. She’s wonderful, with regulars returning just to see her. Even when she’s having a bad day, she sucks it up and treats everyone warmly, making herself as useful as possible. It makes Wolfwood’s life a hundred times easier on busy nights. He’d usually be opposed to hiring friends, but he made this one-time exception without regret. Milly can multitask and doesn’t let anything get her down. With all of her experience wrangling five year olds, she’s a patient saint. People come for the menu and return over and over again for her and they tip well. And what’s better is that her friends often come by to see her and grab a meal. There’s Meryl and that idiot.Wolfwood wonders if he’ll come in tonight. He often does - sits at the small bar with Meryl, drinking whiskey like it’s water and smiles at him until the restaurant closes and he’s off to the next bar, telling Nicholas he hopes to see him there when he’s off. Soft and sweet with a taste for strong drinks. He’s so alluring. That damn fool who makes Wolfwood’s heart race and his cheeks heat up and his tongue trip over his words and—“Vash-“ Milly starts, but isn’t able to get very far. “Whoa, whoa. Getting yourself tangled up in the shenanigans of Mr. Chaos himself is not a good reason.”Of course it has to do with him. Vash. Wolfwood’s heart thumps hard in his chest hearing that name. He’s still in such denial. That’s what Livio tells him. But it’s not. It’s not denial.Wolfwood isn’t denying the effect that guy has on him. He sees the possibilities in front of him and he isn’t sure that he’s ready to get himself fully sucked in, but he wants to be. He’s fully cognizant to the fact that once he takes that plunge, he will ever find his way out. A bad thing? Perhaps not. But it knocks the wind out of him thinking about it, knowing he’s one tiny step away from falling hard. They’re on the same page in that way.Vash has already asked to slow down.His new interest is skittish among other things.Wolfwood hasn’t known him very long, but he has known of him for a while. Vash is a well-known presence, as coy as he is whenever the subject of his local popularity comes up. That- what did they call him? An unstoppable force of nature. The hurricane? No. The tornado? Wrong. Ah- right. The Typhoon. A stampede.Whatever fun nicknames the local community has bestowed upon him, screwing around with Vash is still not a good enough reason to be so late for a shift. Doesn’t matter how cute and fun and shiny he is. This is so frustrating. Milly has to know better?God, Wolfwood wishes this girl had a face he can be mean to. Nah- not that. Wolfwood checks the time. It’s been four hours since his last cigarette and if he doesn’t get some nicotine soon, he is going to shrivel up like a dying spider. Beyond that, he may be a tad jealous that Milly was spending time with Vash. Nick wishes it had been himself to breathe the same intoxicating air as that fool. He hasn’t seen him yet this week and the wait is beginning to make him itch.Yeah. He’s definitely jealous. Milly sees that idiot every other day. If only Wolfwood could be so lucky. Then maybe he wouldn’t want to rip his bleeding heart out of his chest and bury it just so he doesn’t have to feel the awkward way it beats at the mere mention of Mr. Stampede.“No shenanigans, Nicholas! Meryl and I had to take him to the hospital this morning.” Milly frowns deeply, wondering what’s wrong with him. From what she can tell, he quite liked Vash the last time he saw him. “Be nice, this is serious.”“Huh-!?”Milly’s concerns are answered to when Wolfwood’s face falls and contorts into an expression of combined confusion and worry. She can see that he is frustrated and knows that it’s her fault for not letting him know sooner. She will apologize later. But the health and wellbeing of her friend comes first. She is relieved that Wolfwood immediately calms down and appears ready to listen.“Wait, what? You’re not yankin’ my chain here, are ya?” Not that he thinks Milly is the type to play a sick prank like that. She doesn’t want to be perceived as a liar, after all.She shakes her head adamantly, sighing through her nose. She’s fidgety enough for Wolfwood to see that she’s still worrying about Vash. “No way. I would never yank on anyone’s chain, Nicholas. That’s wrong. This is serious.”“Well, shit…” Wolfwood nods in agreement and leans against the counter, still absorbing the news. Hearing Vash’s name had him riled up, but he was quickly reminded to take a step back and listen before drawing conclusions. There is no need to be so reactive. “So fill me in. What’s going on with Blondie?”He gathers that Vash isn’t at death’s door since Milly appears concerned but isn’t in shambles, bawling over a sudden or impending loss. She is still here to work. So Vash most likely has to be fine now, or at least safe enough that Milly felt comfortable leaving his side.Thankfully, it’s a bit slow around this time. The lull before dinner rush. She has no issues getting right into it. “Okay. Well it was a perfectly normal Saturday morning to start. I woke up at Meryl’s after accidentally falling asleep there again. We picked Vash up at our usual time and had the loveliest little breakfast at that new brunch spot down the street. Oh, the pancakes-“Nicholas anxiously groans over the added details. “Stay on track, Milly. I don’t need all the pancake details. What happened to Vash?”Pouting for a moment, Milly pauses, taking a closer look at Nicholas and softens. Right. He has blossoming feelings for Vash. It’s clear that he’s concerned and anxious to know that his crush is going to be alright. And Milly can empathize with those worries. Vash is one of her closest friends, after all.“Oh, sorry- well, after breakfast, Vash started acting funny. He was pale and sweaty and he said his stomach was hurting from cramps. We thought we should try finding some water and get him to a bathroom; that maybe breakfast wasn’t settling well, but he collapsed in the parking lot before we could get to the car. Someone saw and called the paramedics. We had to wait for them to arrive to figure out what to do.”“Wha- really?” Wolfwood’s eyes go wide. A pit of guilt the size of Alaska opens up in his stomach. He feels terrible for assuming anything. A lesson learned.Milly nods and continues. “He was in a lot of pain and very sick. Shaking terribly. The EMTs tried to take him to the hospital in the ambulance but he was so stubborn.” She sighs. “He said he just wanted to go home and call his brother, but Meryl convinced him to go to the emergency room and we took him ourselves. I don’t know what’s going on yet because he hadn’t gotten test results before I realized the time and left.” Milly pauses, wishing she had more to share with Nicholas. “Meryl is still there with him and will send updates, but they’re probably going to admit Vash for now. He was still in lots of discomfort when I left, even with pain medicine. I really hope we know what’s wrong soon.”She hopes to never see Vash hurt so badly again, watching him struggle to contain how he really felt. And for whose sake? He had not lied to any of the nurses or the doctor who examined him, but to anybody familiar with Vash, he was keeping so many things bottled up before she’d left the hospital. Milly is worried about her friend. And rightfully so. They’re close as can be, but she knows Vash is secretive. It takes constant prying and the correct amount of tenderness combined with bullying from Meryl, and confident, gentle affirmations from Milly to pull anything out of the guy. The conditions have to be just right. Like flying kite. The right amount of wind, but no storms in sight. The girls both wish it was easier, but they respect the fact that Vash has been through it in his lifetime and some things are difficult to share with others.That’s why they like Nicholas. And they like him for Vash. He has a way of making Vash be more honest with himself. Less ashamed. He brings out a new side of their friend, helping him to shed the guilt and shame he’s burdened by. Vash seems less likely to crumble or explode when Woldwood is near, like his presence is a shield, offering safety from a barrage of the unexpected events that have earned Vash his silly local titles. Chaos takes caution with Wolfwood. It stalls, trying to creep around him before it can ensnare Vash. It’s exhausting work, but it’s worth it for that sunny smile. Wolfwood exhales, still absorbing this load of information. There’s so much he doesn’t know yet. Things he needs to learn from Vash and no one else. Things that have made him skittish and lacking in both shame and confidence. He needs to know so that he can better protect that rare, silly creature.Wolfwood can see that Milly is still reasonably worried about her friend and he’s worried about her friend too. Vash is not like anyone Wolfwood has ever encountered before. He wonders how he’s actually doing, not just physically, but mentally too. How sick is he? And what will the future look like pending the diagnosis?Refusing to allow himself to expect the worst, Wolfwood sucks in a deep breath and pretends he isn’t as concerned as the sinkhole in his gut says to be. No sense in getting worked up yet, right? He has no plans of giving up on this thing with Vash, so what can he do for him now? He wonders what Vash might need. “Damn. This really sucks. Poor baby. Probably whining and crying like a child for his big brother, I bet.” Wolfwood assumes, since he’s seen Vash whimper and cry over a bug bite. It’s easy to see the scene in his head. “Actually, not at all. He’s certainly tougher than he looks. I even think he’d rather Knives not know at all.” Milly gives Wolfwood a watery but sincere smile and it makes him feel a certain kind of way. There’s a twitch in his chest. Like a tiny kick to his heart, probably shaming him. “Even though it was super obvious he’s suffering, Vash was smiling and laughing with us; charming the nurses. He kept saying he would be fine and couldn’t wait to joke about this several months from now.”“That right?” Wolfwood already knows Vash to be a weirdo. So he can’t claim he’s totally surprised, even though he expected him to be a bigger baby about it. Of course, Vash does try not to draw too much attention to himself. Though his attempts often fail miraculously, garnering even more attention than what he is attempting to avoid. He’s like a baby deer the way he draws in attention. So cute and ethereal with those big, gentle eyes making people want to get closer to pet him. But move too quickly or make too much noise and he bolts at the smallest chance of danger. Wolfwood can’t blame him. Not after the way they met while Vash was in a particular - rather unfriendly - situation, trying to run from someone who approached too aggressively and would not back down.“Yes. Hm- though… there is one thing.” Milly suddenly begins to seem properly worried, pulling Wolfwood out of his thoughts.“Yeah? What’s that.” “Oh- well… I may just be seeing things, but I couldn’t help but notice he seems a little sad. Or lonely. Like maybe there’s something he’s hiding. Which I think is a look he has quite often. But it felt heavier this time.”Milly is so perceptive of the way others are feeling and she knows Vash well. Even if he refused to talk about it, Milly wouldn’t be wrong picking up on something.“Ah. That.” Wolfwood’s seen that look. That sad expression that dulls the almost-iridescent glimmer in those clear blue beyes, too often hidden behind obnoxious orange lenses. Those eyes always say so much, speaking for Vash when words fail him. Or- when he refuses to let them out and give his full story. But his beautiful docile eyes, blue as the clearest cut of aquamarine, always give him away. Wolfwood wants to drown in those lakes but only if he can take all the sadness and pain out of them. He doesn’t understand where it comes from. Who put it there? Do they know what they’ve done to such a rare and irreplaceable beauty?“Anyway,” Milly continues, “I really think you should see him after your shift. He’s different when you’re nearby. In a good way.”“Different?” Wolfwood echos, not entirely surprised by the suggestion, but unsure of how it is that he makes Vash behave another way. Vash is someone else when he isn’t around?“Yes.”“Care to explain?” Wolfwood can’t see those differences himself. He’s only ever seen Vash one - okay, maybe two - ways. But the second was for the two of them alone alone. And nobody else needs to know a thing about that.“I don’t know, Nicholas. Just different. Vash trusts you. Likes you. You can help him open up.” That’s all Milly can say. Because, although Vash trusts her and Meryl too, it isn’t the same at all.Vash blooms for Nicholas like a moonflower, opening his petals under the specific condition of feeling safe in his soft, gentle light. He knows the blond to be surprisingly deep on occasion, but he saves this side of himself for moments least expected.The suggestion that he go pay Vash a visit still surprises Wolfwood. They’ve been on a handful of dates and hung out a number of times, but it’s still so new. The two are still very much in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, so Wolfwood isn’t sure what the protocol is for a spontaneous hospital visit. “Huh? You think so?”“Oh, absolutely. You’ll make his day.” Milly oozes innocence but she is no fool. And it isn’t like it’s a secret that they have something going on. Vash won’t talk about it much but he does get all giggly and red in the face whenever the girls mention Wolfwood or ask when they last saw each other. He gets so flustered and red, but it’s not impossible to figure out what he wants if one knows the correct signs to look for. His affection isn’t entirely concealed just because he is shy to address it. “He could really use it right now, I think.”She and Meryl have had more conversations than she can count on the way these two have been dancing around each other since they were first officially introduced two and a half months ago. Milly knows they had one encounter prior to that, but Vash pretended like it was nothing (it was not nothing) while Wolfwood would think about it for the rest of his life even if he never saw Vash again. And yet, neither of them will spill any of the details to the girls. Vague details only. Whatever happened between them, it was enough to earn that skittish baby deer’s affection. A visit from Wolfwood might even be enough to cure Vash of whatever he’s dealing with now. He’d be so happy. Milly knows the two aren’t anything yet. But they aren’t nothing either. They have flirted and they have even kissed. And they will not say it, but she’s doubtless that there has been more. How much more convincing should they need? They’re a good match. Cute together. A lovely couple.Wolfwood opens and closes his mouth several times. Though he isn’t fond of hospitals for plenty of his own reasons, if it will help Vash, of course he’ll suck it up and go, sparing none of his breath on complaints. “O-okay then. Sure. Yeah. I’ll- yeah. Is it actually okay to just drop in unannounced?” “I mean… in this case? I say yes. Absolutely. I’m sure Meryl has already told him you’re coming. Take him a little treat too.” Milly is already boxing up a cake slice and some beignets from the dessert case. “These will do. He loves them. Maybe grab him some balloons or a little bouquet. If you really care, that is.” Milly eggs Wolfwood on, trying to help them establish something.“Course I care, damn it!” He grinds his teeth. “You know- I would have covered for you if you’d wanted to stay there with him.” Wolfwood reminds Milly. “Just had to call or text to tell me what’s up.”He thinks he’s been a pretty easygoing manager for the most part and Milly would absolutely agree that he is. But she just shakes her head. “I love Vash very, very much. He is one of my very best friends. But I can accept that I’m not the person he wishes was holding his hand right now. Sorry I didn’t tell you I’d be late though.”His chest tightens. “Noted… and forgiven, of course.”Wolfwood is surprised by the notion that it could be him. That he might be that person. What about Vash’s family? That brother of his- the one he should be whining for? Where is he? Is Wolfwood really topping the charts right now? He supposed he feels blesssed to be chosen. There have been many vying for Vash’s attention. Men and women both. Wolfwood has been lucky to get a solid five minutes of conversation without an interruption. “Now get going. I can take it from here.” Milly offers, shoving the full to-go box at Wolfwood. “I can tell you want a cigarette too, so hurry up before you chew a hole through your cheek!” She’s practically swatting him out the door like an unwanted pest, but he isn’t resisting. He’s agreeing. “I know, I know. I’m going right now.”Wolfwood flings off his apron and gathers his belongings before hurrying out the door. He checks traffic on his phone before starting up his bike. Although he knows Meryl is still with Vash, he doesn’t want to keep him waiting too long. And Wolfwood needs to see for himself that the big baby is okay. He’s worried, of course. Vash is so bright and energetic. It’s difficult to imagine anything pinning him down. Wolfwood waivers for a moment, glancing in the direction of his apartment before he gives in and decides to make a stop. Vash isn’t really expecting him, let alone at a specific time. So Wolfwood decides he can at least clean himself up and show up refreshed and smelling good rather than leaving the odors of food, sweat and smoke on himself. He also thinks he might have some comforts he can bring to Vash to make his hospital stay a less tumultuous one. He tears his apartment apart looking for everything, inwardly swearing he will tidy up the moment he gets home. Since it’s a shared space with Livio, who is typically very tidy, there’s some guilt for leaving a mess.Despite the mess, Wolfwood is very careful about what he chooses to bring Vash. He wants to comfort him, not overwhelm him. But he doesn’t want to be too bland with it either and disappoint. Not that Vash would ever say he is unimpressed. He’s too much of a people pleaser for that. It’s half the reason Wolfwood has to be selective.It isn’t much by the time Wolfwood is headed out the door, but he has the snacks, phone charger, sweatpants that he conveniently purchased two days ago, a soft blanket, and a hoodie he’d let Vash borrow once before, remembering the blond had liked it. Now looking at the small array of items, Wolfwood takes note of what is missing and reminds himself that it’ll be perfect once he picks up the flowers. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagantly done. All it has to do is make Spikey smile and help him to feel more comfortable while he’s stuck in a dreadful place until further notice.“Don’t let yourself over think it, dumbass.” He sternly warns himself. Vash will appreciate anything he brings him, especially treats.He checks one more time to make sure Livio isn’t home and instead shoots him a text that he probably won’t be back for dinner but will fill him in once he knows more. Of course, if Livio had been here, he would also chastise Wolfwood and tell him to stop overthinking it. Perhaps it’s better just to stick with that. Doing whatever Livio would probably say to do. His logic typically contains much fewer holes than Wolfwood’s as long as Razlo lets him speak. But Razlo - much to Nicholas’s appreciation - hasn’t been coming around very much lately anyway. Weird? Yes. But there will be no complaints about it. It comes as a relief that Razlo has kept a low profile. Since right around the time Vash showed up, actually. Livio has been himself much more often.Wolfwood briefly wonders what they’re doing today and hopes Livio is getting to enjoy himself without too much nagging from the person he shares his headspace and body with. Razlo would probably just talk shit to get Wolfwood doubtful and nervous, so he cannot allow himself to think about what Razlo would say. Only Livio. Or he will lose confidence for sure. It’s annoying as fuck. Wolfwood doesn’t exactly hate Razlo. They have learned to coexist to some extent. However, Nick doesn’t understand why he wants to get under his skin so badly. Vash is the only one he has been able to tame that beast so far. It’s actually impressive. Vash can bring Livio back out with such ease. Makes Nick like Vash even more. He briefly wonders if Vash might have said something to Razlo to keep him at bay, but can’t imagine what words from such a docile lamb could silence such a brazen man’s ego.On his way to the hospital, Wolfwood takes ten minutes to decide between several get well soon cards and settles on the stupid one in hopes that it makes Vash laugh. The flowers are an easy pick when he spots a bunch that he knows the blond will love, but the card is really tough. He likes the stupid one in the end, thinking Vash can probably use a laugh right about now. The other two cards are verging on strangely romantic and now is not the time. They don’t know one another quite like that yet and Wolfwood is trying not to fuck it up. The nice cards are too serious. Too deep.Vash is a treasure. A wrecking ball. But a golden one at that. Wolfwood looks at him and knows once it goes any further, he has the world to lose. He refuses to identify as a coward though, so it’s about time to suck it up and ask the blonde for exclusivity. Then, maybe a year or so from now, the soft, romantic cards might be appropriate. Or maybe not.Nicholas wouldn’t mind staying silly with Vash forever. But first, he needs to see to it that Spiky’s gonna be okay.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Wolfwood sort of (absolutely) makes an ass of himself asking a couple of nurses where he can find Vash’s room, but he gets to the right hallway eventually. It’s easy to figure out when the nurses working Vash’s floor giggle at the mention of his name and begin to playfully argue over who is next in line to check in on him and whisper to each other about Blondie’s hot friends coming to visit.Wolfwood can feel their eyes all over him has he walks away and can’t help but snort. Before meeting Vash, he would have played into it, flirted, grabbed a phone number or two. They’re cute. However, since meeting Vash, Wolfwood hasn’t given anyone else a second glance. He knows he’s officially in the correct place when Meryl pops out of one room near the end of the long, florescent-lit hallway and quietly shuts the door behind her. Wolfwood would know those dangly earrings and feisty pout anywhere. She takes out her phone to check her messages but stops when she sees him in front of her and quickly closes the distance between them. “There you are. I was just about to ask Milly when you were supposed to be turning up.” She starts.“Sorry, sorry. I hurried as fast as I coud. You haven’t been waiting for me to get here have you?” Wolfwood responds with a frown.“No, but I do have to leave kinda soon. Only came out here to grab a drink and make a couple calls.” She sighs, relieved that she no longer has to worry about leaving Vash by himself.“Ah. Gotcha. Spiky get any test results back yet?”“Oh- yeah. About an hour ago. But I’ll let Vash fill you in himself. He should be okay. It’s just- uhh… complicated.” She groans, defeated. “Complicated?” Concern echoes in Wolfwood’s voice.”Nothing crazy serious. Better for him to explain.” Everything has been moving along slowly and she’s frustrated by it. Not because she wants to leave, but because her friend is quietly suffering. Vash has some answers. But it’ll still be some time - hours - before he gets the help he needs to actually feel better. “Anyway- I’m sure you want to know how Vash is doing, don’t you?”“Yeah. Figured I’d hang out a bit to help you and Mil with the babysitting rotation.” Nicholas lightly jokes. Though it’s halfhearted. His body is aching to get to Vash now that he’s so close.Meryl snickers. “I know. You’d think with the way he usually is that he would be a ton of work. But Vash is surprisingly quiet in this state. Not asking for much. At least he’s finally getting a good helping of pain meds while he waits for the next steps. Those nurses will give him almost anything he wants.”Wolfwood chuckles, less worried than he was mere seconds ago. “That’s good to hear. Milly said something similar. I expected that keeping Blondie here would be something like bathing a cat. A struggle from beginning to end.”“Right? But no. Not at all. He’s the perfect patient according to the nurses. So polite. A real charmer.” Meryl rolls her eyes playfully. “You can totally tell that he’s done this before.”Wolfwood offers a sly grin right back. “Oh, really? I did overhear them fighting over him earlier. So I better get in there before he woos someone else into my place.”“Yep. Wouldn’t want him to forget about you.” Meryl teases.Wolfwood shakes his head. “Impossible. Look at me! I’m a catch!”“I dunno. If you keep dragging your ass, he might. Good thing you showed up to surprise him. That’ll definitely score you enough points to keep you in the running.” Meryl gently shoves him toward the door. “I’ll give you two a little space. Now go.””Say no more.”Wolfwood sucks in a deep breath and lets it out through his nose before he gently knocks on the door, pushing it open just enough to stick only his head through the small gap. “Yo, Spiky. Can I come in?” He asks gently, but still sees Vash lurch in surprise.It’s obvious Vash isn’t expecting him today and is, in fact, quite surprised. However, Wolfwood still feels a small pang of guilt. He already knows the blond is pretty skittish and wishes there was a smoother, gentler way to surprise him.Still, Vash blushes in slight embarrassment for getting spooked by his apparent crush. He smiles, genuinely enthralled by Wolfwood’s arrival. His grin lights up the room, but it isn’t shining quite as bright as usual. It’s obvious Vash is drugged and his complexion tells the other man he isn’t feeling his best. His reaction time is somewhat delayed. He’s also pale, skin glassy with a thin layer of sweat. Still stunning though.“Huh? Oh- Wolfwood. H-hi! Yeah, sure. But- sorry? What- uhh… what are you doing here?” He asks sweetly, guessing that the girls told him anyway.“Can’t a guy pay his ‘friend’ a visit in the hospital?” Wolfwood snorts, finally taking a full step into the room. He gently shuts the door behind him and plops his bag onto the foot of Vash’s bed to begin unloading the treats he brought for him. “The big girl told me what went down this morning. Came to check on ya myself.”“Oh- ha- you didn’t have to.” Vash shifts to sit up, smiling even as he winces through pain. It breaks Wolfwood’s heart to see, but Vash seems a bit like he’s trying to draw attention away from that. “I’m okay. Really.”“Well that’s too bad. I’m here now, ain’t I? Paid for parking and everything. Which- charging for that is criminal.” Wolfwood states a bit defensively, but eases into a smile. “I brought ya some things. The girls made it sound like you might be here for a couple days so you need some things to stay comfortable in a hell hole like this.” He shudders. Not a fan of hospitals. But he’s sucking it up for Spiky. At least this one is nicer than the last hospital he visited. Probably costs a lot more too.“Ah, yeah. I guess you are. Thanks.” Vash’s cheeks redden to a deeper shade of pink. “You didn’t have to.”“Dork. That’s not the point. Just lemme spoil you a little, okay?” Wolfwood chuckles. “This place sucks.”“Ah- uh- okay, okay. Sorry” Vash smiles timidly. And he agrees. It does suck. “Yeah- So what’d you bring?”“Thought you’d never ask!” Wolfwood starts digging into his backpack. He lays everything out in front of Vash. The sweets, the blanket, the sweats, the hoodie. And then he gently pulls the flowers from a separate paper bag, making sure they didn’t get crushed on his ride over.“Oh, wow- those? They’re for me?” Vash lights up and reaches for a small potted plant. “You remembered I like geraniums?”“Sure did. See? I was listening. And I’ll get ya one of those hanging baskets to plant them in when you go home. I remember you saying you wanted to put some out on your balcony this summer.”Vash hugs the pot close, careful not to crush the flowers. “You do pay attention. Thank you. I love them. I’ll take good care of them, I swear. The pastries too. I can’t wait to eat them later.”Wolfwood shrugs nonchalantly. He can’t take full credit for everything. “I try. You want one now?”“Ugh- I wish. No food til surgery tomorrow. I guess my cutoff was an hour ago and all I got was a pudding cup. It’s not fair. I’m starving.” Vash grumbles.His crush has not forgotten that he is a bottomless pit, constantly snacking. Even sick, he’s still hungry, so that’s good to hear, but Wolfwood does pity him. “Ah, that’s a bummer. Guess you’ll have to enjoy them all at once later.”“Yep. I’ll have to use them as encouragement to get me through this. Your restaurant has the best desserts.” Vash groans. “Best everything.”It isn’t entirely lost on Wolfwood the way Vash pauses to look him over as he says so. “That’s why I brought you a little of everything.” Nick smiles, proud of himself since he can tell he’s impressed the blond. “So what’s going on? Why do you need surgery?”He finally breeches the question with an edge of concern in his voice. “Oh- haa… it’s nothing major. I’m fine.” Vash tries to wave it off, though he’s struck with a pang of guilt.He’s here more often than he’s been willing to admit. Will Wolfwood want to be with him still, knowing this could be something of a routine?“Okay? What? Like your appendix or somethin’?”“Uh- no. I got that out when I was ten.” Vash snorts.“Then what?”Vash won’t ask for the things he wants. He minimizes himself and his needs and bottles them up, counting himself lucky - blessed - if he gets anything at all.It infuriates Nick. He wants Vash to be more outwardly selfish. To take more of what he wants for himself. Maybe that’s something they can work on while Vash is recovering. Wolfwood wants Vash to ask him for things. To rely on him for more. He wants to know how he can spoil him and make him feel good.“Vash.”Being first-named by Wolfwood is always jarring for Vash. He’s used to the goofy nicknames and endearing name calling. Being called by his given name is serious. “What?” He stiffens.“You know you don’t have to be embarrassed right? Whatever it is, you can talk to me. May not totally get it, but damn. Gimme a chance. I’m a decent listener.” Wolfwood firmly reminds him.He’s had plenty of practice with Livio. Whatever Vash is going through, Wolfwood wants to help in any way he can offer. Nothing Vash could possibly say to him is going to put him off. Not one deal breaker comes to mind. “S-sorry. You’re right. I know.” Vash swallows a hard lump in his throat.He eventually relaxes a little and sets the flowers aside to keep them safe.Wolfwood reaches a large hand out toward Vash and affectionately messes his spiky hair. “Then talk, Blondie. I’ll help. I’m here for you, stupid.”“I know.” Vash takes a moment to just stare at Wolfwood, looking him over to remind himself this man and his kind, dark eyes can be trusted before he begins to speak. It isn’t like he’s kept any secrets from him, but it’s complicated. Vash has told him the reality of it all already, but getting into the specifics is kind of tough. Physically and emotionally.“Damn it, Spiky!” Wolfwood sighs and rubs his face. Perhaps it’s wrong to think so, but his frustration is kind of cute to the blond. “Just talk to me, will ya? I wanna help. I want- I wanna take care of you.” He states through grit teeth.“Ah- sorry. Okay, okay.” Vash holds up his one hand defensively, but he’s giggling some, not trying to be dismissive of Nicholas but absolutely flustered. The drugs are making him feel a little loopy, but he isn’t too far gone. The dose isn’t quite as high as he’d like. “It’s really not a huge deal.” He finally explains. ”Turns out I have a few cysts I need removed. I guess they got big enough to cause some issues and now I’m here.”“Cysts? Where? How?” Wolfwood is certain he hasn’t seen or felt anything abnormal growing on Vash’s body recently. Not that he’s seen him totally naked enough times to know for certain yet. There are plenty of scars that shouldn’t be there. Nothing else.“Ovarian.” Vash finally sighs out the answer. His throat his tight, feeling full of thorns. If he speaks too much, they’ll gag and cut him until he’s choking on his own blood. It’s only in keeping his gaze on Nicholas that he finds the strength to push through the pain. “I knew they’d start giving me problems eventually, but I thought I’d have more time to do something about it. I’m way too busy for this, y’know?”Vash says it like it’s not really a big deal, cracking a half-assed smile, but there’s a looming weight in the air that says otherwise. It’s just like Milly said. There’s something deeper going on. It’s not just an inconvenience the way he insists it to be.“I had no idea you could get those.” Wolfwood isn’t unaware that Vash is built a little differently. He has seen for himself and knew before then. No surprises. Vash was up front when they decided to date.But Nicholas is still getting his bearings and figuring out what is and isn’t appropriate to say or ask in this new and unique relationship. He’s had boyfriends. Girlfriends. Cis and trans. There was that night with Zazie once. One once. Livio says this makes Nick pansexual. Sure, if he had to label it, that’s probably what it is. Whatever his sexuality, being with Vash has awakened something else in him. Something that runs deeper than any physical body.Still, it’s important to know what his person is going through. Whether it’s seasonal allergies or surgery.He knows intersex people exist in the world, more commonly than natural redheads, and he knows each individual has a different experience. Their own story to tell. He is unbothered by it. Curious, but never put off. He likes Vash for Vash and thinks everything about him is beautiful. His particular sex organs don’t make a lick of difference to Wolfwood. He’s certain he would want him no matter what. Male or female. Both and neither. Two limbs or four. But he isn’t very educated on what any of it means for Vash himself. He’s been learning little by little through a combination of their dating and a few google searches. Wolfwood has found that going directly to the source garners the best results. Vash speaks English. Medical journals do not.“Yep. Perks of being a medical anomaly. They may not work for procreation, but I’m still susceptible to aaall the same issues. So they’re finally taking everything out.” Vash sighs and appears distant for a moment before snapping back to reality. “Anyway- I knew a hysterectomy was coming one day. It’s not a big deal. But the doctor said these two cysts are the size of small lemons. Can you believe that? Lemons?I knew I felt bloated, but damn. I just thought I’ve been eating too much pizza while Nai is away. I didn’t realize they could get that big before they start to suddenly hurt like hell one day. This is what I get for not keeping up with appointments.”Vash rambles a little, but it seems that he needs it. There are deeper thoughts there that he’s suppressing. How long can he contain it all? With Nicholas, there’s no need to contain anything.“Blondie…” Wolfwood can tell Vash is thinking harder on it than he wants to admit. It’s all in the eyes. Vash is smiling, acting nonchalant, but it’s sad again. He is drifting further away. “Is there a reason you didn’t get it taken care of sooner?”“Yeah, but just forget it. It’s dumb. I’ll be okay. Really. Promise.” Vash is politely dismissive, just as Wolfwood expects. “Feels like I should be telling you that. Your brother? Knives? He know you’re here?” Nicholas remembers that guy should be back soon if he’s not already. His impending return is part of the reason Vash hadn’t been able to see him this week. Said he had to clean the apartment and get ready. Wolfwood wonders if Vash’s brother has seen it. This unspoken sadness Vash wears like another poorly covered scar.Vash shakes his head a little. “Not yet. He‘s on his flight home so he hasn’t gotten my text yet. But I know he’ll be here as soon as he sees it.”He sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself that everything is fine.
But it’s okay, Vash. It’s okay if it’s not.
Nai wouldn’t be anywhere else if he knew Vash was here. He almost wishes he never had to tell him. Too late now that Meryl has reached out. The older twin would have a meltdown if he arrived home to an empty apartment anyway.“Good.” Wolfwood decides he will stay at least until the older twin arrives, but wouldn’t want to impose on their family reunion. He has only met Knives once for about a minute. But if he’d picked up on anything about him during that brief interaction it was that he’d do anything for his baby brother. “Where’d you say he went again?”“Ah. Hong Kong and Singapore this time. Maybe somewhere else too.” Vash has to think about it for a moment, but can’t remember. “Recruiting or something.”“Damn. The long flight makes sense now.”“Mm. And he is not great at flying.”“No way.”“Dead serious.”“I mean- I hardly know the guy but he’s kinda scary lookin’. I can’t imagine he’d be afraid of anything.”Vash laughs obnoxiously. “Oh, he’d kill me for telling you this, but it’s just the opposite. He’s extremely particular and very anxious. So needy.”“Really? Interesting.” Wolfwood finds it difficult to imagine. Knives didn’t look like the needy type in that expensive tailored suit. Kinda fun to imagine a guy that big and serious looking whining and pouting for his little brother. Cute. If Nick is allowed to think that.“Yeah. He needs a Valium every time he gets on a plane.” Vash tells Wolfwood amusedly.“Is he going to be alright when he gets here?”“Yeah. It’ll have mostly worn off by then. But he might need another when he finds out I’m here.”Wolfwood notes the way Vash teases his brother, even from afar, but he can also sense the underlying guilt for making his twin worry about him. But Vash feels as though he’s put Nai through far too much over the years. He owes him for his life as it is and hates adding more to the list. “Has he always been anxious like that?” Wolfwood wonders.“Ah, no. Maybe a little? Particular for sure. I mean, we’ve always been really close, but maybe we weren’t so dependent on each other? He didn’t start having severe anxiety issues until this happened.” Vash raises his residual limbs off the mattress for a second. “Might have messed him up more than me.”“As an older brother, I think I understand.” Wolfwood doesn’t know the details yet, but he can’t say he blames Nai either. He gets it. It’s traumatic to see a sibling on the verge of death. “When Livio got diagnosed I couldn’t let him outta my sight for months.”“But he’s doing a lot better, you said?” Vash’s concern shifts toward Livio now.From the very beginning of this new relationship, Wolfwood has been very open with Vash about the circumstances around his brother and what they’ve been through together. He wanted to give Vash a chance to run in case the baggage was too heavy.Of course, he didn’t run. He buckled in and listened close, telling Nicholas what a good person he thinks he is.The beginning was tough; marked by a jarring suicide attempt when Livio spiraled after Razlo tried to murder Nicholas in cold blood. Unable to bear the guilt on Razlo’s behalf, Livio couldn’t stand the thought of Razlo hurting someone again and saw only one way out.Despite loathing Nicholas, Livio’s alt quickly learned that without this “brother” of his, Livio would not allow either of them to live.“Yeah. Razlo is so much more tolerable.” Wolfwood responds with an air of relief. Compromise is difficult, but necessary. Razlo wants to live and Nicholas needs Livio alive too. It’s probably the only subject they find common ground on. “No more violent outbursts?” Vash hopes, asking on occasion to ensure Nicholas feels safe even though all of that happened a year before the two met.“No, thank God.”“That’s good. It’s because Livio has his big brother to help him through it.” Vash says full of sincerity. He knows that Wolfwood gives so much effort to taking care of his sibling. Their relationship is part of what Vash adores most about this new man in his life, knowing his heart is huge to forgive Razlo and coexist with him.“So when’s your surgery?” Wolfwood circles back to the topic at hand. He’s never been one to talk too much about himself either and didn’t come to talk about the past. The now is all about Vash.“Tomorrow morning. Five o clock.” Vash groans. “So early.”“Damn. They got you waiting a while.”“Yeah. I guess it’s not really an emergency unless the cysts rupture, so it’s the soonest they can get to me. But it’s fine. I don’t mind. Should be pretty quick and then I can go home.”Vash speaks like all he’s getting is a little injection at the CVS clinic before going about his day. It bothers Nicholas.“Spiky-““No, really. I’m okay.”“You’re in pain.”The fact is, Wolfwood is correct. But Vash dismisses it. Too easily. “It’s fine. I have good drugs. I barely feel a thing now. I’m sorry. You probably feel like you wasted your time coming here.”“No! That’s not- listen. Knock that shit off. I’m here now, alright? You don’t gotta pretend to be alright if you’re not. Just tell me what you need.”Instead regret strikes him, taking his confidence down a notch as Wolfwood realizes after he speaks that he just snapped a little at Vash. Enough to make the baby deer flinch, but not quite enough to make him run. He pushes the guilt down and remains vigilant. He won’t let Vash brush him off or put stupid words in his mouth.
Damn it. What’s he hiding?
Wolfwood knows Vash is struggling to open up to him. He’s hurting. Not only physically, but emotionally too. Something is visibly weighing on Vash for anyone who knows what signs to look for, but he’s doing his usual thing. Playing it off. Minimizing.Vash watches Wolfwood closely for a while and finally nods slowly. “I know… but-““But nothing. I’m here. For you. Ain’t nothing you need to be shy or ashamed about. I’ll be here no matter what. Don’t talk now. That’s fine. But when you’re ready to tell me what’s really going on in that needle noggin of yours, you say the word. Got that?”“Uhm-““Vash.”“Y-yeah!”“I mean it, Vash. Tell me you understand.” Wolfwood sounds harsh, but looks pained. He wants the blond to know he can always rely on him.And Vash, naturally, doesn’t want to be someone who hurts him. “I do! I understand!”“Good.”They sit in an awkward silence for another five minutes or so. Wolfwood is trying to tell himself not to apologize or feel like a dick for telling Vash what he needs to hear. Meanwhile, Vash is blushing and twitching awkwardly, avoiding eye contact the entire time before a ripple of pain washes through him and he doubles over, yelping from the shock and clutching his abdomen. “Damn it.” He sniffles, sucking back tears. “Stupid lemons…”This sharp twinge is a reminder of what he can’t have. It’s almost like it’s laughing at him for dreaming even though he’s known the truth for quite some time. “Whoa- hey- you alright, Blondie?! What was that?”“Mhm. M’fine.” Vash sniffles, holding onto his abdomen, but that physical pain isn’t what’s really hurting him most. “Just need a minute.”“What did I just say to you?” Wolfwood isn’t blind. He can see tears burning Vash’s eyes; threatening to spill. “Talk to me. Please. I don’t wanna beg.”“S-sorry. Yeah. Yeah, okay-“ Vash finally agrees through clenched teeth.There’s another moment of silence and Vash hiccups. A tear slips down his cheek and he quickly swipes it away. “Please, Nick. S-stay. Don’t- don’t go anywhere.” He pleads, needing another moment for the sharp stabbing sensation in his gut to subside. “I’m sorry.”“Does it look like I’m leaving? Idiot. ‘Course not. Stop apologizing.”“No matter what?”“No matter fucking what.” Wolfwood has already told him he isn’t leaving his side until his big brother arrives. He gently rubs Vash’s upper back, knowing it will do little, but giving comfort whether Vash takes it or not.“Sorry. I- this is so dumb.” The blond nearly chokes on a sob. Wolfwood thinks it may be a good thing. To let all of this out. “It’s not dumb. Whatever you’re feeling. Feel it. You’re allowed to do that.”This sort of shame Vash shows for getting emotional - who put it there? Wolfwood wonders what Vash has been through to make him think so little of himself that he can’t have anything but positive emotions. It’s no way to live. It’s a lie. He doesn’t deserve to feel bad for being a person.Vash takes a minute to catch his breath and center himself even though the tears are free-flowing now. He can’t keep up with them all, losing the race as they trickle down his cheek; dripping off his chin in time to avoid capture. “I just- I thought maybe there was still a chance. So I waited and hoped and only made it worse for myself.”“A chance? Chance for what?” His affectionate visitor doesn’t understand.Vash sucks in a sharp breath and another tear slips down his cheek, leaving a cold trail as he no longer makes any attempt to keep his face dry. It’s a useless effort for these particular tears which have long been put at bay. Today, they say no more. Their time has come, exposing all that Vash is and hopes to become to Nicholas.“A chance that this ugly, broken body could do something as beautiful as create a new life one day.” He confesses, voice low and pained; eyes kept closed so he isn’t taken down by whatever unspoken words Nick’s expressions will give away. Vash usually reads them for extra strength.“Oh- uh- shit, Blondie.” Wolfwood’s expression falls into something akin to shellshocked by this new information. The words hit him hard in the heart. Their discussion surrounding children and parenthood in the future has been very light, but neither wanted to dive into a relationship only to learn later on that they wanted completely different things. Wolfwood loves children and hopes he can afford to raise a whole pack of them one day. He remembers telling Vash that and watching him smile brightly in response, saying that was perfect. He hoped to have a big family one day too. So Wolfwood knows Vash wants kids. But he didn’t know it was like this. “I- I didn’t know. Blondie…”“Crap- I told you, didn’t I? That it’s dumb.” Vash can absolutely not look at Wolfwood now, entirely flustered by his own confession.Wolfwood reaches for Vash’s hand and tries to soothe him. “No! Stop. That ain’t what I’m saying at all. Just surprised, is all. I had no idea you felt this way. You told me you wanted a family in the future, but this part didn’t come up in that conversation. And that’s okay. We didn’t need to talk about it right then either. It’s just- that’s a really heavy load to be keeping all to yourself.”Vash squeezes the hand that now holds his own and closes his eyes. He won’t look at Nick yet. Too embarrassed. But he grips his hand tightly. His lifeline. “I don’t… I don’t think I’ve ever actually told anyone before, honestly. N- not even Nai.”He sounds much more nervous than he needs to be, fearing judgment and ridicule. Nicholas is determined to show Vash that he has none of either to give. His only concern is how to get Vash through this now and how he can be of help while his body and heart heal.Nicholas uses his free hand to reach toward Vash’s pretty face and carefully wipe some of the tears away. They’ve left red streaks temporarily striping his smooth skin. Doesn’t suit him one bit.“Huh. Guess that’s kinda obvious now. But God- dumb? No. It ain’t dumb. Like I said. You can tell me anything and I’ll have your back, okay? So tell me about it. I want to know. Even if I can’t be much help, I can listen and let you get it off your chest. I wanna be that kinda person for you, Blondie. If you’ll let me.” Wolfwood exhales and keeps his eyes locked on Vash. “I can handle anything you throw at me, alright?”Vash sniffles and nods, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to refuse the words, but doesn’t know that he can accept them. He’s trying, but it’s clear to Wolfwood that Vash is feeling flustered. Embarrassed. Guilty. This is where he’s putting the majority of his remaining shame. It’s undeserved. Vash has nothing to feel ashamed of for wanting something so beautiful and pure.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Spiky…”It is a difficult subject. Wolfwood inwardly promises to be his most respectful toward Vash. He doesn’t know everything Vash has been through because he doesn’t ask for fear of scaring him and pushing him away. They haven’t even discussed how he lost two limbs. It’s deeply personal. And so is this. Now, another piece of Vash will be stripped away come morning. So Wolfwood has already been taking a careful approach throughout their entire, uhh— relationship (not yet exclusive, of course). This is no different.Wolfwood glances at the prosthetics stored on a chair in the corner and then his eyes are back to Vash again. Despite being over six feet tall, he looks so much smaller right now with half his left side detached. Stowed away until he’s well enough to need them again.“I knew I was infertile a few weeks before I lost my limbs.” Vash begins to explain, following Wolfwood’s gaze. Nick told him that was okay, didn’t he? And now that he’s started, he craves to be understood. To feel seen.
“I was only fifteen; just beginning to figure myself out, but- I dunno. Something about that almost hurt worse than even this.” He gestures to his two scarred stumps. Losing a part of himself isn’t new. He’s familiar with it. But this? There is no prosthetic or other synthetic alternative for his current problem. “For a long time, I wondered if it was because I chose to live my life as a guy. I wondered if I made the wrong choice. Even considered not taking hormones anymore to see if it helped. But it’s never really been a choice. I need the hormones. My body doesn’t make them correctly on its own. This is who I am. And even if I identified differently, it wouldn’t have made any difference in the way I was born. As a woman, the problems would remain the same.”He’s been over it in his own head hundreds, if not thousands, of times, allowing the thoughts to plague him into all-nighters that leave him achy and nauseous after a lack of sleep. His gender identity wouldn’t give him something that was never there in the first place.Nicholas‘ frown deepens. “So you thought that if you were a girl, maybe things would have turned out differently?”Vash shrugs a little. He looks so sad. Lost and lonely. Like a kitten thrown out in the rain. It’s an offense to his natural radiant beauty to have him so beaten down. Wolfwood wishes this pain was caused by a person he could take to the streets. Knock ‘em out so that he could make it go away. Avenge Vash with a couple quick punches (even though Vash probably wouldn’t like that). But nobody made this happen. It just… happened.“Yeah. I mean- no. Just getting my hopes up. I’ve been in denial because supposedly nobody else is like me. And that puts a lot of other people in denial too. I’m an identical twin. Being born this way is supposedly scientifically impossible according to the dozen different doctors I’ve seen over the years. Then they take a look at me and it’s utter confusion. Pure disbelief. They can’t believe it. For multiple reasons, I should not exist. But here I am.” Vash tries to explain, giving Nicholas further context. And he looks pained doing so. Frustrated. He’s tired of feeling like a newly discovered species that defies all logic of science.Too many doctors he’s seen throughout his lifetime have had no idea what to do with someone like him. And he’s so strange a case that doctors have been lingering outside his room all day just to catch a glimpse. As if they’ll make a groundbreaking discovery by staring at Vash long enough; hoping he does something so grandiose and unheard of that answers their endless questions and makes sense of the tests they claim cannot be accurate. If they couldn’t make sense of him, how could they be of any help? Of course, there are non-believers. Doctors who want a chance to poke and prod at Vash if only to disprove his own existence. Rediagnose and deny everything that he is.“I’m real, aren’t I? Still a person?” Vash stops and searches his crush’s soft, dark eyes for an answer. The quiver in his voice makes Vash sound so uncertain. Wolfwood can see that he’s been asking himself this question for a long time and currently feels very small finally asking someone else.Wolfwood does not waste a breath before he answers. “Yes, Vash. Of course you are.”Graciously, Vash chooses to believe Nicholas this time and continues, ignoring the voices of anxiety in his head attempting to cast a tricksy spell of doubt.Keeping others at a distance isn’t fun. Vash doesn’t think so and he really doesn’t like making others worry. Today, his secrets are filling all of his loved ones with concern. Everyone has rushed straight to him, protected him, and repeatedly told him he isn’t alone. Though this attention is so undeserved, when it comes from his friends, Vash can’t deny how good it feels.If he can give nothing else back, he can at least tell Nicholas his truth.“When Rem finally adopted us, she raised us both as boys just like everyone else did, but she knew it wasn’t so simple and always gave me a choice.” Vash inhales and thinks, yes, he is ready. Despite his fear, he wants to let Wolfwood all the way in. He’s been nothing, if not transparent, since the day they met; telling him all about how he and Livio grew up. About how he continues looking after Livio now. Time and time again, he gives Vash shelter and patience, making it known that he means no harm with the information he shares about himself. Vash knows he can tell Wolfwood this. “As soon as I was old enough to understand, Rem said that whoever I wanted to be and whatever I wanted to do with my body was okay as long as I kept my heart in tact and didn’t choose for anyone but myself. And I do believe that. I’m still me. And I’ve never felt particularly feminine. So you know- kids grow up. Puberty hits. Everything is normal with Nai, he’s growing super fast and getting real tall, but I… I wasn’t changing. Barely growing. So Rem took me to the doctor to figure it out. I learned so much at that appointment. Things I’d never considered or learned about before were suddenly thrown at me. I didn’t really think of myself as being different from other kids before then.” Vash swallows. “Kids aren’t thinking about that kind of stuff.”His throat is tight and he feels embarrassed to say it out loud, but he doesn’t stop. He’s been holding this in for so long. “It was the first time the topic came up - the idea of having a baby. It hit me for the first time and I began to really think about it. It was different. Never about gender. They’re my organs. Surely they couldn’t be a mistake, right? So I got my hopes up. Being born with all the right components to choose one or neither doesn’t mean everything works the way it’s supposed to. For me, those parts didn’t fully develop. So there’s no chance in hell...” Vash inhales shakily, thinking that he’s saying way too much. His throat hurts. The words feel strained coming out. Like they’re too big and too heavy to be pushed out. “Never was.”He has thought about this so many times, never brave enough to speak on it for fear of sounding foolish. He’s run it through his head over and over for a decade now, but thought it would be a secret taken to the grave. He feels pathetic for having such silly hopes and dreams.Wolfwood feels for him though. He can see that it’s tough on Vash and is fully attentive to him. Not for a single moment will he allow Vash to feel alone.“If I did ever get pregnant, I’d probably die trying to keep it.” Vash lets out a pained laugh. He wipes at his eyes and doesn’t keep going until they’re dry enough not to blur his vision anymore. Wolfwood laces their fingers after taking Vash’s wet hand back and squeezes supportively, but he doesn’t speak. Only listening attentively. This is something Vash has clearly kept bottled up for years and he needs to get everything out now that he is on a roll. No stopping now. Scaring him back into silence would do nothing but harm. He’s emotionally fragile, but Nicholas has gained his trust. It’s a wonderful gift to own. One he will be careful not to break in these most delicate moments.“It’s not fair, y’know? Lots of people - people like me - can do it. They can make babies just fine. And I’m not bitter. Really. I’m so glad it’s possible for some. But not for me.” Vash hangs his head low, feeling so foolish.He shouldn’t be whining when he knows how lucky he is to even be alive. And what an amazing life he has. Nobody wants to listen to him, greedy and depressed. He knows he must sound terribly ungrateful to crave more. “I know I shouldn’t complain. It’s wrong of me to feel sorry for myself, but it’s also so damn frustrating. I get problems that come with female organs. All the pains. None of the benefits. It’s not like I’m anywhere close to ready for kids right now, but until today, I’d kind of been holding out hope that some kinda miracle could happen. And til I met you, I was having lots of irresponsible sex and situationships just to see if maybe- but no. All I got was a reputation downtown for being easy. Idiotic.” He berates himself, glad to have stopped being that delusional. Reality is really setting in now.“I guess I’ve always known this was coming. My sex organs have always caused problems for me. I should have gotten it out of the way when I was still a kid.” High school would have been the best time to do it since he was already in and out of the hospital so much, Vash thinks. He probably wouldn’t have even noticed it back then. “This is what I get for not taking care of it sooner. I- I’m a guy anyway. What do I need to be pregnant for?”Vash exhales shakily and tilts his head back, eyes on the ceiling. He can’t look Wolfwood in the eyes just yet, fearing his expression and what it will say in response to Vash feeling sorry for himself. So many unspoken words have finally come pouring out and he is feeling the physical weight of it now.“O-oh. Spiky…” Wolfwood finally begins to speak again as Vash stops to catch his breath after ranting, wanting to be tactful and empathetic. That’s what the blond needs. He is learning so much about Vash in these moments, but still has a great distance further to fully close the gap. Though it’s all so new to him, he wonders if lending an ear and a hand to hold can ever be enough.“Sorry. I know that’s probably way more information than you needed.” He sees Vash grimace, physically beginning to withdraw back into himself after realizing all that he has said. He wants to open up. But the second he opens his mouth, Wolfwood can see Vash’s regret. “I’m just whining now because I stayed stupidly hopeful like the idiot I am. Stop me anytime. Please.”Of course Wolfwood is quick enough to put an end to it. But not the way Vash expects. He can’t stand to see him so self-deprecating. “No way. Stop putting yourself down, Spiky. I told you this is what I’m here for didn’t I? Unload. Don’t fuckin’ stop now. Talk. Seek comfort. You’re allowed to do that.”Vash tenses so hard the walls tense with him. “Isn’t it annoying though? I don’t want to burden-”“Stop with that crap, Vash. You’re not a burden. I offered to listen. I’m not annoyed at all. So keep it up. Keep going.” Nick gives Vash an encouraging reminder before he shuts back inside of himself for good.“Keep going?” Vash doesn’t know how best to respond to Nicholas. He’s anxiously waiting for the prank to be revealed, but it’s not like that and never has been.“You got more to say don’t ya? So keep going.” Wolfwood nudges Vash a little, forcing his gaze back to him.“But— why?”
Why? Why do you look so defeated right now, Blondie?
Wolfwood can’t ask him out loud, but he’s not giving up. He’s careful with Vash, today, refraining from any of the tough love he might ordinarily give. “Cause I care. And I wanna know everything about you. I’m learning so much right now. I want you to tell me more.”“You do? Everything, huh?” Vash twitches nervously and starts looking for the exit. He hasn’t even scratched the surface with Nicholas. But the other man already knows this, finally feeling bold enough to ask.“Yeah. I do. About this. About your amputations. About your mom. All the things you mention here and there but never really talk about. I wanna know about that stuff. Let me know the real you, Vash. From the parts that shine the brightest, to the darkest corners you keep hidden from the rest of the world. Tell me all about yourself. Let me in.” Wolfwood looks over Vash and takes him in for a moment.This fool is entirely clueless as to how wanted he is.They’ve never had much time for a private conversation, but there’s time right now. It’s selfish, Wolfwood already knows, and he can’t say that he’s ashamed of himself for it. ”Isn’t that what it is to be with someone? I’ve been dying to just talk with you for so long.”Admitting it feels good, actually. Accepting his own greed is a relief. Wolfwood wants Vash to know how he feels. Learning all that he can about the blond is a show of his serious intent to continue this relationship. To grow it. To become something.A nervous chuckle worms its way up from the back of Vash’s throat. He’s scared, but Nick will not let him run away no matter what excuses or degradations he throws out there. “I’m not so sure about that. What if you don’t like me anymore?”It’s a sincere inquiry. Despite coming off as a joke.“Not fuckin’ possible. Here-“ Wolfwood picks up the hoodie and carefully helps Vash into it. He needs to distract the blond from all of these negative thoughts flooding his mind. It’s the fear that’s doing it. Wolfwood is going to defeat that fear. Slay that beast and heal the tear in Vash’s heart.Vash is flushed the entire time. Wolfwood’s hands are strong - huge - and usually rougher than this. This time, he handles Vash carefully, as not to cause him any additional discomfort. He’s going to keep him cozy and warm tonight.“I want you to keep this. Not borrow. Keep. Okay?” Nicholas tugs on the hoodie.“But isn’t it your favorite?” Vash blinks back his surprise. He remembers Nick telling him after he wore it on their first three dates and leant it to Vash for a few hours. But he stopped wearing it a few weeks ago now that the weather has gotten so much warmer.Wolfwood is just happy they’re about the same size so this worked out. “Yeah. And I like seeing it on ya. And as long as you’re still in my life, I’ll get to see it on you all the time, I hope. I know it ain’t much, but think of it as a physical token of my promise. At least til we’re a little more serious.”“Huh? W- What promise?” Vash hates the way he can feel how red his cheeks are.“The promise that no matter what you tell me about yourself, I’m not gonna turn tail and run. I like you, Blondie. And I’m not just saying it because you’re hurting right now. I like where our relationship’s been headed since we met - least I’ve stayed hopeful - and I care for you.”“N- Nick?!” Vash’s entire face turns pink and he hides it in the hoodie. “O-okay. I get it. Please. S-stop talking now.”Wolfwood can only laugh because he refuses. “No. I won’t. I know you like this too.” He gestures between them.“Yeah! Duh! But— ugh, you didn’t have to put it like that.” Vash wasn’t prepared for corny Nick today. He whimpers. “So lame and romantic.”“Had to get it through that thick head of needles somehow, didn’t I?” Wolfwood barks out a laugh.“Shut up!” Vash settles down a little, feeling warm from his core. He’s more relaxed now than he’s been all day. “But yeah, I guess you did, so thank you. I’m really glad you’re here, Nick.”“Me too, Blondie. Me too.” Wolfwood reaches for Vash’s and and holds it tightly as he leans in to kiss his forehead. “You don’t have to tell me everything about you right this minute. I know you’re exhausted. But when you’re ready. I’ll listen whenever you want to whatever it is that’s on your mind. Just promise you won’t hold it all in anymore.”“Sorry. You’re right. I won’t.” Vash sighs but he means it. He wants to be able to tell Nicholas everything about everything. The girls too. He’s just bad at it. He needs practice. And this man wants him to use him for said practice. He wants Vash to use him in any way he desires, honestly.“And, Dummy, You’ll make an amazing parent when you’re ready. Don’t think I’ve forgotten just because we strayed topics a little.”“How can you be so sure? If I can’t have kids, that takes like half the options off the table.” Vash’s tangible doubt has not been entirely warded away just yet.“So? You can’t get pregnant. But still- there are tons of options for having a family these days.” Nicholas isn’t hesitant to remind Vash. “I know those options aren’t the same as creating a life yourself and I can also understand the reason for your disappointment. So forgive me if I sound insensitive here, cause God knows the last thing I wanna do is hurt your feelings.” Wolfwood sucks in a breath. He’s nervous that he’s going to push Vash away if he isn’t careful.“But there are tons of kids just like us out there, y’know? No family. A childhood spent in the system. Lookin’ for parents to love them. And a guy like you? You’d be perfect for ‘em, Vash. So don’t give up on becoming a parent, alright? I’d hate to see you lose sight of your dreams because of this. Because I know you have endless, overflowing love to give.”Vash gets teary again and wipes his eyes. But he’s listening. No. Adoption isn’t the same, but Nicholas is making a fair point and also earnestly doing his best to help.So many children out there in need of genuine love; given up for a chance at a better life, or carelessly abandoned by parents who took their gifts for granted. Whatever their stories, Vash doesn’t hold any judgement in his bleeding heart, but he does not want to forget about those children. “Thank you. For reminding me.” He sniffles, appreciating a new perspective. He’s been humbled.“It’s what I’m here for. It’s okay if you can’t get pregnant. You’re just the way you’re supposed to be. So if you wanna have a kid one day, you’ll have one. Maybe five? Twenty? However many you want, we’ll figure it out and they’ll be so lucky to have ya raising them.” Wolfwood delivers all the confidence Vash lacks.He knows that nothing will replace the experience Vash one day hoped to have, but Vash will be okay. He’s strong as he is gentle. He will mourn what he can’t have, but he’s going to come out stronger and kinder for it. Nicholas is certain of that.The blond nearly chokes. “Ha-?! S-sorry? We?!”“That’s not- well- no— I mean- fuck you, Spiky! You know what I mean! God- listen. You just- shut up, okay?”It’s not typical to get Wolfwood flustered. He is brimming with confidence and a huge flirt. Leave it to Vash to make him bashful every time. But the truth? He’d do it again and again if only to make him smile.He grunts after cursing under his breath. “Yeah. I said we. What are you gonna do about it?”“Do I get a choice?” Vash tilts his head curiously.“No.” Nick grunts again.Vash knows that, he’s okay with it, and he’s comfortable again. Still emotionally wounded, but less devastated than before. He doesn’t know what he’ll do, but he takes comfort in knowing Wolfwood wants him.“Anyway- when you’re ready, there are still options to be explored, alright? And if it’s me you’re making those moves with, I was never banking on ya getting pregnant anyway.” Nick grins warmly.“Hehe. Yeah. Thank you, Nicholas. I think I feel much better now.”“Good. That’s what I’m here for. Whatever you need.”“Anything?”“That’s what I said. You want something right now? Name it.” Wolfwood nods, ready to accept any request in order to prove it to be true. “Except food, apparently.”“Ah, damn.”“I know. I’m sorry. Anything else?”Vash is quiet for a moment, wondering if he should really ask. But he figures that if Wolfwood wants an out, he’ll take the opportunity with this. If not, he’s probably a true keeper.“Help me to the toilet? I gotta pee so bad.” Vash laughs sheepishly and nods his head toward the bathroom. He’s been holding it for hours, trying to decide when the right time to ask for help was, but the nurse hasn’t been back in a while and he’s not going to make it much longer. Not to mention, the man in front of him is a much better choice for Vash personally.“What was that?!” Wolfwood snorts obnoxiously. This is not the request he was expecting, but it’s still one he will honor. “You want me to wipe for you too, baby?” “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” Vash pouts, but it isn’t serious. He’s fighting a grin of his own.“Kidding.” Nick snickers. “Want your leg or you want me to carry you?” He gestures to the high-tech prosthetics in the corner of the room.“Leg’s such a pain to attach for just a few minutes and I haven’t shown you how to put it on yet.” Vash shakes his head. “Don’t think I can wait that long.”“Gotcha. Option two it is.” Wolfwood shrugs, inwardly thrilled for any opportunity to hold Vash close. “Sorry you gotta wait around on others just to take a piss.”“If my guts didn’t hurt so bad, I could do it myself no problem.” Vash huffs. “I’m actually pretty good on one leg.” He mentions casually and a cheeky smile returns to his face.This intrigues his crush. “Really? You’ll have to show me when you’re feeling better.”“Ha! Sure.” Vash giggles, happy to do so as long as he has Nick’s attention. “I’m still pretty quick, you know?”“I believe you.” Nicholas grins widely. He likes getting to know Vash in these little ways. It’s fun. “Okay. Ready?”“Mhm.”“Try not to pee on me.”“Shut up. You’d like it.”Laughing, Wolfwood carefully hoists Vash into his arms and makes sure he has it on his own once he gets him inside the connected bathroom. He waits outside the door for him until he’s finished, hearing a couple of pained sounds from Vash on the opposite side of the door. He thinks about letting himself in until Vash calls for him, letting him know he’s done. Is Nicholas worrying too much?Vash isn’t the same as Livio. He doesn’t need someone to keep constant watch over him. No. Vash simply does not want to be alone. But he also doesn’t want anyone hovering, breathing down his neck. Not that Livio wanted that either. Nicholas did not find himself with a choice while his brother was trying to end his own life. As it stands, Vash has no desire to die. He doesn’t need what amounts to actual babysitting to keep him safe. Nicholas forces himself to wait until Vash explicitly asks for his assistance to push the door open and move in. “All good?” He still asks, just to make sure.“Ah, yeah. Hurts, but I can take it.” Vash admits.Wolfwood nods and scoops him up to take him back to bed. Vash should be much more comfortable now.“Tell me if you need to go again. Don’t wait.”“I won’t.”While holding tightly onto Vash, Nicholas cannot stop thinking about the feel of the blond in his arms. He’s thought about it before. When they have their hands roaming all over each other during a heated makeout. But it’s different now. He doesn’t want to put him down. Vash feels like something precious and perfect to protect. Even knowing the blond is tougher than he looks, Wolfwood cannot help but feel like he needs to take good care to handle him with delicacy. “Thank you. I feel like we can carry on our conversation much better now.” Vash sighs, happily nestled back into bed, admiring the gift of Nick’s hoodie and how nice it smells. Though it’s nothing in comparison to the comfortable nest of pillows and blankets he’s built for himself at home, this bed isn’t so bad anymore. He’s got Wolfwood’s hoodie and is also bundled in his blanket, enjoying the scent of him. He always smells so good. Even with the constant lingering tobacco on him.”It’s okay if you just want to rest for a while.” Wolfwood reassures, not wanting Vash to feel obligated to tell his life story now.”Mm. I’m okay. As long as it’s just us.” Vash thinks.Wolfwood pauses for a moment and can’t help but stare at Vash. How does he manage to appear so ethereal even when he’s unwell? Wolfwood is a sucker for that smile - the real one - feeling weak in the knees. If he doesn’t get it together quickly, he’s going to drop to the floor and pray to Vash like he’s Jesus Christ himself. His divinity is limitless. It takes everything in Wolfwood to remind himself that Vash is an ordinary human being, but his charming aura is so strong, ensnaring Nicholas in its grip. Vash is an ordinary person. But far from ordinary to those who love him most. Wolfwood is only taking it slow for the blond’s sake and his own sanity. If it were up to him, Vash would already know that he hopes to be a permanent part of his everyday life, constantly swept up in his chaos and love. Hell, there’d probably be a ring already.Wolfwood only truly fears how horribly he wants this and fears losing it even more. Once he crosses that line, admitting that he is head over heels in love, it will do irreparable damage to his little world in the best possible ways. How does one slow down after spiraling into love at the speed of a fighter jet?No matter where this relationship is heading, Wolfwood won’t be the same man at the end. Having already surrendered his heart, he will have to keep Vash forever and ensure he gets the family he dreams of. It’s an enormous responsibility to take on. Nicholas wonders if he’s worthy. Actually- he knows he isn’t. Despite being the one Vash chose, gratitude overflowing, he knows he has done nothing to deserve the blond’s affections.Vash would tell him that’s not so if he were to say it to his face. But it is so. He is a priceless gem, highly sought after and shining so brightly he draws every person to him, hypnotizing them with his light just as the full moon does to a moth.But there is grief with the strength of a hurricane that lives within him.Wolfwood takes a tentative seat at the edge of Vash’s bed and, leaning closer, reaches forwards to push his messy golden hair away from his eyes. Wolfwood feels that it’s so rare to see them unshielded. Vash is always wearing those obnoxious orange sunglasses, keeping them on even indoors. His pretty doe eyes are sensitive to the desert sun shining hot and bright over their city of asphalt and concrete. Nicholas also thinks they’re something of a security blanket of sorts. Vash has stated in the past that he feels exposed without them. But he hasn’t been wearing those sunglasses since arriving here. He looks deconstructed. Still beautiful. Wolfwood is enamored by every breath Vash takes, inwardly questioning yet again if he’s actually human or heaven sent.“You look like you’re having a religious experience.” Vash interrupts with a soft snort and snaps Wolfwood out of his thoughts.“Oh, believe me. I am. Every time I look at you. I am.” He grins slowly, frightening awake the butterflies resting in Vash’s stomach.For a moment, Vash can only stare at Nicholas, trying to absorb and accept that these words are meant for him. There is no one else here that Nick could be speaking so softly to as far as he is aware, quickly glancing around the room to make sure there isn’t an actual heavenly body sharing this room with him.Vash, in this very moment, knows he has two options and must decide quickly. One: He could make a stupid comment. Crack a joke. Ruin the moment further. Or, two: he could say something corny and affectionate right back. Still running the risk of ruining this, but at least it would show his sincerity. And Wolfwood would most definitely expect it.Of course, secret option number three is not entirely off the table either. Especially if he is considering the unexpected. Vash decides it’s safe to risk it while there’s no one lingering outside his door. What better time than now while the drugs he’s on at this moment are giving him the little confidence boost to lay himself bare. Bedsides- it’s not like they haven’t done it before. But he still feels like a goofy little idiot every time. Giddy and shy.Okay, Vash. Calm down. Get it together.Vash feels like he’s taking an eternity, but he only leaves Nicholas waiting for a couple of seconds, answering by leaning forward to capture a kiss from his tobacco flavored lips.Wolfwood is surprised, but welcomes it with ease, allowing this lanky idiot take his breath away. He lets Vash lead the kiss. It’s affectionate, sweet, if not slightly desperate, as if Vash is afraid it’s the last time he’ll be allowed to drink Nicholas in. “Thank you.” Vash whispers against his lips when he finally pulls back.“No need.” Wolfwood thinks this kiss was more than enough to fuel him for the next two weeks.No food, water, or sleep could do for him what Vash’s lips do. He could go on for days from a single peck on the cheek alone.