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It’ll be over by Christmas. At least that’s what the newspapers said when the war started in 1914. The propaganda was positive, preying on citizens' loyalty to Crown and Country to support the war effort. Support your country, support your wife and children, fight against moral wrongs, fight for your King, fight for your nation. If an able-bodied young man didn’t join the troops, he was deemed a coward. Cowardice started as a social shame, quickly becoming a legal death sentence once the draft started.Sirius Black had been given many titles in life: Lord Black, Mister Black, heir to the Black estate, and dearest son were amongst the proper ones. The improper titles were more vast, but one thing Sirius had never been deemed was a coward. The difference between cowardice and intelligence lies in a precise line drawn in the sand. Sirius was intelligent, and had argued that he could better support the war effort on the home front, working with diplomats and parliament to tackle deep-rooted issues and support a peace agreement and cease-fire.That was two years ago. The draft started in 1916 and Sirius, his brother Regulus, and best friend James had immediately been called to the front lines. They were given titles like Lieutenant and then Captain at the tender ages of 21 and 22 respectively, simply because they were sons of the British upper class. Sirius had no bloody idea how to lead anyone; he could barely keep his own affairs in order. Regulus and James were in a completely different battalion than Sirius, and it was quickly established that communication with them would be near impossible.Now, it was 1918 and the war had certainly not been over by the Christmas of 1914. What a load of rubbish that had been. In the beginning, when men were dropping like flies and Sirius had been scared out of his bloody mind, he’d contemplated lighting a cigarette, taking a drag for luck, and then holding his hand in the air above the trench wall. Surely the red embers from the butt would be targetable by an enemy sniper. He’d lose a finger, maybe his whole hand, but he’d live and he’d be able to go home.But you learn quickly when you’re in the trenches, ducking from artillery fire and bombs, and Sirius ended up finding meaning in leading the men who had been assigned to him. He transformed his fear into determination, and now Sirius has adapted to survive.“Captain Black!” A voice beside him shouted, causing Sirius to blink at the scene before him.He’d just been talking to Lieutenant Chapman, and now the man he’d spent the past several months living beside and breathing the same air as was lying against a barrel, bleeding from a bullet wound to the temple. Quick as that, a man whom Sirius knew had a small child and a young wife at home, dead and likely to be buried in a mass grave. He’d seen it hundreds of times now, everyone had. This was a brutal war, one which Britain had never seen the likes of.“Captain Black, get down!” And then he was being pulled into another body and forced down as the firing started anew. There was never any screaming when the trenches came under attack, just the deafening noise of shots and explosions accompanied by shouts and orders. Oh, and the wails of injured men.Those were always the loudest.“Private Lupin.” Sirius finally blinked at his comrade-in-arms, one whom he considered a friend. Private Lupin had been in Sirius’ battalion for a few months now, same as the now-deceased Lieutenant Chapman. “I—” But he couldn’t find the words; he rarely could these days. Sirius knew he should be giving orders, but they were down men, down ammo, down, down, down.Supplies had been dwindling for months now; even food and water were scarce to come by.The reality was that this trench did not stand a chance against an attack unless another battalion came to their rescue. Sirius sent the message two days ago. No one had shown. No response had been given.“I know!” Private Lupin shouted over the blaring sounds. “We knew it was coming; the men know what to do. We’ve prepared for this. You’ve done well, Captain Black.” The thing with Private Lupin was that he did not care if he was speaking out of turn to his superiors if it was warranted. Sirius had no idea what status or titles Private Lupin possessed, if any. They’d never talked about it.But they did talk.They talked a lot. Sirius knew that Private Lupin loved chocolate. Not the “fancy, pretentious” chocolate as he so deemed it, but the cheap sort that one could buy from a street vendor for double its worth. He enjoyed books; by God, the man was obsessed with books. Sirius rarely caught him without his long nose in a novel. And, if one asked, Private Lupin would talk for hours about whatever he was reading. They were usually autobiographies or something on history. But sometimes, they were epics or poetry from scholars past.They talked about trivial things. Subjects that kept their minds from the grim reality of their situation. Over time, Sirius found himself undoubtedly attached to Private Lupin, to this man he knew so much about, but still couldn’t quite understand. They never talked about their friendship, or how sometimes Sirius would hand Private Lupin a canteen and purposely brush his fingers against the other man’s. When Private Lupin would sit with Sirius on his cot, just a little too close to be appropriate, so that their muddy knees would bump together, they never mentioned it. The lingering glances and the barely-there touches were a taboo subject that was never broached. Frankly, it was an illegal subject and Sirius was conscious not to get arrested, and so was Private Lupin.During his time as Lieutenant, and then Captain, Sirius tried to maintain a sense of light-heartedness in the trenches. He cracked jokes, acting nonchalant about matters that weren’t strictly dire. It was because of his composed and confident nature that the men followed him, that they trusted him.But those times were over now, as they came under enemy attack for the umpteenth, and what would undoubtedly be the last, time for all of them.“Private Lupin, I—” Sirius started, because he had to say something, right? If these were to be his final moments, shouldn’t he tell his truth?But Private Lupin cut him off. “I wish you would call me Remus.” His hazel eyes met Sirius’, pleading. “Just this once.”.The sounds muted, if only just a little, as Sirius registered the request. The breaking of their rigid system. “Remus.” It felt like a whisper, but Private Lupin heard his hoarse voice, because the look that registered on his face was something of relief. Perhaps also joy. Happiness in the shadow of death, how ironic. “Remus, it has been an honour to know you.” Sirius meant it, he meant it and so much more.They were crouched so close together that their helmets were knocking against each other, rattling Sirius’ brain around in his skull. Even so, he felt a sense of clarity. Maybe it was the determined look on his comrade's face, or the way Private Lupin's eyes brightened, but Sirius felt the electric sense of anticipation buzz between them.Private Lupin seemed to hesitate, for as much as one could whilst surrounded by the chaos of war. Sirius wished that he could read Private Lupin’s mind like how the man read a novel. Inside and out, dogearring the most important parts. Maybe he’d know then, what was about to come next.“I can resist everything except temptation,” Private Lupin finally spoke, and Sirius barely registered the words before a hand came up, grabbing the back of his helmet and pulling him forward to close the minuscule distance remaining between them in a searing kiss.Their lips were chapped, their faces covered in grime. The kiss was rushed—bruising and uncoordinated. Desperate and yet communicative in all of the things they’d left unsaid. It tasted of dirt and the bitter tang of blood; whose blood, Sirius did not know. Perhaps it was Lieutenant Chapman’s, or maybe his own. It mattered not, because this kiss meant more than the physical action itself. It meant that Sirius hadn’t been alone in his confusing, yet sure feelings.And it meant that he wouldn’t die alone.If this was how Sirius was meant to die, then he supposed it wouldn’t be so bad as long as he was kissing Remus Lupin.It was only the need of breath that made them pull away from each other. The sounds of the attack seemed closer now, but Sirius just laughed. He laughed, because despite his failures, and their inevitable death, they’d all made peace days ago. The knowledge of his feelings returned was enough to bring Sirius euphoric happiness now, at the end.“Did you just quote Oscar Wilde to me?” Sirius thought his face might split open with the stretch of the smile. Private Lupin was laughing too, as if they shared a private moment of joy against the impending doom.“Never you worry.” Private Lupin caressed his flushed cheek, and the touch was so fond, so soft that Sirius nearly wept. “I didn’t want my last memory to be one of regret.”Like magnets drawn together, he and Sirius leaned in for another kiss, their final kiss.When the bomb came down, it tore them apart. Sirius registered the feeling of flight, like he had become airborne due to the blast. Maybe he did fly, because he definitely fell down, his body rag-dolling and crashing into whatever was left of the trenches.Dying didn’t hurt, not like he thought it might. All he saw was the soft hazel of familiar eyes in his mind before the blackness took hold.*Turns out, almost dying hurt a whole bloody hell of a lot. When Sirius woke up in the field hospital, the nurses informed him that he’d suffered grave injuries and he’d been in a coma for two days. When the initial fuzziness of his mind cleared, he’d immediately inquired after Private Lupin and the rest of his battalion.“Private Lupin also suffered extensive injuries, but he’ll live,” Nurse Lewis told him. “There was one casualty, unfortunately. Lieutenant Chapman did not survive.”The relief was just as palpable as the confusion. They were all meant to die that day. Had aid finally come to their rescue during the attack?“Forgive me, Nurse Lewis, I don’t understand,” Sirius croaked, voice strained from the air being knocked out of his lungs days before. His whole body hurt, but the pain was a welcome one because he was alive, and so was Private Lupin and almost all of his men. He would surely mourn Lieutenant Chapman, but Sirius was comforted in knowing that the rest of his battalion had pulled through.“Oh, of course, you wouldn’t have heard, Captain Black, I do apologise.” Nurse Lewis smiled at him, a smile that seemed more appropriate for celebrating than for war. “You see, a ceasefire was declared. The message was received on both fronts during the attack on your trench.” She started to attend to his bandages, unwrapping them from his legs and arms with care.And Sirius laughed, because it was November and technically, the war did indeed end before Christmas. Just not the Christmas of 1914.*As the days passed, Sirius healed and regained his strength, and the doctors told him that he would make a full recovery. He pushed his body to the limits in rehabilitation therapy and followed all and any orders from his nurses and doctors. In general, Sirius was in fairly high spirits. James and Regulus had both sent letters, informing him that they were also in one piece. Regulus was helping out at a field hospital to the north, while James was currently en route to visit Sirius.A letter with the Black family crest waxed into the envelope was delivered to Sirius midday.
Sirius Orion Black,
I, Mister Charles Smith, solicitor of the Black Family estate, am writing on behalf of Lord and Lady Black. An incident has been brought to the attention of Lord and Lady Black that has both disgusted and outraged them. Your indiscretions are not only sinful under our Lord’s righteous eyes, but illegal and punishable by imprisonment and ultimately rightful execution.
Despite your shameful acts, Lord and Lady Black have graciously decided to not inform the proper authorities under the condition that you, Sirius Orion Black, accept without contest being hereby disinherited from all Black family fortune. This includes all assets, physical possessions, lands, treaties, bills, notes, treasury bonds and any other worldly valuables that had previously been associated with your heirdom.
Should you choose to attempt to contact Lord and Lady Black regarding this matter, you shall be promptly reported to the police and thereby arrested and punished for the crime of sodomy. You are not welcome back to the estate and should consider all possessions that were once yours as lost.
May you repent in the eyes of our Lord.
Mister Charles Smith, solicitor of the honourable family Black.
A strange cocktail of emotions rushed through Sirius all at once, leaving no room in his brain to properly process them all. Shock was probably the most prominent feeling. He’d always taken a great deal of care and caution in being discreet with his romantic endeavours.In polite society, Sirius Black was a highly sought-after bachelor, young and promising with a great deal of wealth and a high title. He had plenty of admirers and was never seen dancing with the same woman twice during parties or galas held by the upper class. Behind closed doors, and in the shadow of his parents’ expectations, Sirius explored his curiosities. He’d known from adolescence that he was different. When the other young chaps would speak politely about the debutantes they were interested in, Sirius agreed and participated. The difference was that Sirius also felt that familiar sensation of butterflies in his gut when he found himself watching a particularly handsome gent as well.He’d never been caught.He’d never even been suspected, and Sirius was sure of that. How had his parents found out?“Well, as I live and breathe!” A loud, booming voice shouted. Sirius set the letter down on the small table next to his armchair and stood to greet his dearest friend.“James!” The distraction of being in the company of James Potter was a much-needed reprieve. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.”When they embraced, it was as brothers, as two life-long friends who’d been through the harshest trials of a bloody war and lived to reunite again. Sirius knew how lucky they both were, and he sent a silent thank-you prayer up to whichever gods would listen that they’d spared James and Regulus both.James squeezed the life out of him, and even with his still healing injuries, Sirius wouldn’t trade it for anything.“I hear you’ve been blown up,” James quipped as he finally pulled away and took a seat in an armchair across from Sirius’ own. The doctors had cleared Sirius to be moved from the field hospital to a medical facility back in Yorkshire where he and James were both from. The facility had a sitting room that Sirius tended to frequent when he wasn’t ordered to stay in bed.“I jolly well did,” Sirius exclaimed with a laugh. “I do not recommend it.”One of the servants who worked in the facility brought them tea. He thanked her with what he thought of as his signature charming smile, and she blushed before scurrying off.“Ah, well, I’m glad to see that your injuries and time in the trenches have done absolutely nothing to humble you with the ladies,” James joked. “Have you heard word of your brother?”While Sirius often left the estate to spend time with James growing up, Regulus tended to keep to himself and preferred to stay in the comforts of the Black family manor. Even still, Sirius knew it was obvious to James how much he cared for his brother.“Regulus wrote a few days ago. You know he was able to train as a field medic so he was mostly kept from the front lines?” Of course, that was not to say that Regulus hadn’t faced his own atrocities. Sirius could only imagine the things his brother had seen as he attempted to save the wounded and nurse the damn-near dead back to the living.“Thank God for that,” James raised his teacup as if they were toasting. “And how are you, Sirius? Truly?” Even though they’d both served in the trenches, James—selfless as he was—seemed keen to make sure that Sirius was well. Sirius would never know what he’d done to deserve such a friend.“I’m alive.” Sirius hesitated for a moment. They both knew that the question was subjective, but no one would know for a long time how to broach the subject of the forever-changed soldiers and the horrors they’d experienced. “And unfortunately I can’t dwell on the rest right now because even though this war has ended, it appears that another has begun within the Black family.”James’ expression soured. “Pray tell, when is there not a war going on there?”For a moment, Sirius considered simply giving James the letter to read. There weren’t many things unspoken between them, but they’d never talked about Sirius’ proclivities outright. Sirius long thought that both James and Regulus had their suspicions, but it was safer for all of them never to acknowledge it.“It seems that I have been officially disowned.” Sirius tried to keep his tone light, as if it were a joke to him. He wished he felt that way. Instead, all Sirius could muster at the moment was shock.“I beg your pardon?” James uncrossed his legs as if he were about to run off and confront the Black patriarchy himself. “On what grounds?” he demanded.Sirius cringed, “I’d rather… Not say.” He hated it. The words tasted bitter on his tongue. It almost felt like a betrayal to his best friend, not to tell him. But by God, Sirius didn’t think he could say it out loud in this moment. That was a conversation for another day. Not a day when his whole future was unknown.Of course, James didn’t push the matter. His best friend simply settled, albeit indignantly, back into his chair.“Right then,” James nodded, as if making a decision. “You’ll come back to Godric Manor with me. My parents will gladly take you in. God knows they’ve been trying to claim you as their son for long enough.”It was that simple, in the end. Sirius tried to argue about the imposition, but James only rolled his eyes. There wasn’t much to argue. James treated the situation as if this was meant to happen this whole time.When Regulus arrived later that evening and they’d spoken over supper, he’d simply watched—face blank—as Sirius explained the situation. They didn’t speak of the reason either, and Regulus didn’t ask. All his brother did was set his fork down and wipe his mouth, before declaring:“I shall join you in living at the Godric Manor, then.”Sirius blinked.James choked on his wine.And just like that, the two most important people to Sirius stood by his side. Without question.Sirius would laugh if he didn’t feel like he was about to weep from joy.
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Remus
“They’re here! They’re here!”The sound of Marlene’s shouting jolted Remus from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, along with having the same effect on a few of the other servants, if their grumbling was to be believed. They’d been eagerly awaiting this day for some weeks now. After far too long away, the young Lord James was to arrive home from war. His parents, Lord and Lady Potter, were beside themselves. Frankly, so were the staff; while the whole family was beloved by the servants, James in particular was the most favoured. He was the kindest person Remus had known, certainly out of the upper classes he’d crossed paths with in his time. James was generous, funny, endearing, and reliable. Most notably, though, he never made any of the servants feel like they were beneath him. Where most heirs of an estate as great as Godric Manor were entitled and dismissive at best, cruel at worst to their servants, James was the epitome of good. Yesterday, the staff had been told by Euphemia, her Ladyship, that James would be bringing two more young men home with him from the front. She didn’t share too much about the new additions to the household, not even their names, but Remus trusted James’ judgement in friends. He trusted that they would likely be of the same manners as he, polite and careful, good-natured and tidy. It was interesting, though; Remus couldn’t help but wonder what the circumstances were that led James to be bringing home other soldiers, other men. War had changed so much, Remus knew this first-hand. He’d been there, he’d served in the war. Been thrown in the depths of darkness and death, and somehow, miraculously, made it out alive. He never spoke of it though, not even when asked. The thing about war, especially one as bloody and eventful as this, was that it brought out the best and worst in people. And with that, the highest and lowest points of their lives. Remus had been dragged down lower than he’d ever have imagined possible in a mere matter of weeks spent at the front. By the time it’d dredged on to being years spent there, he barely recognised himself. But from it he realised something: it had made him brave. In more ways than one. A few points stuck out to him, and sure, he’d been rather reckless with it too. Very reckless, in fact. But he’d managed to accomplish things he’d never dreamt of, access parts of himself he didn’t know existed. That meant something to him, and it was a badge that lived only inside him, unseen to everyone else, but it meant the most out of all the medallions he’d brought back with him. He wore it with pride, every day— a memory that for a while there, he’d been someone he could be proud to be. “Ah, Mr Lupin, there you are!”There was no official butler at Godric Manor; instead, the Potters employed someone far more capable.Remus stood from his place at the table and turned to face the woman who ran the house. “Hello, Mrs McGonagall. Are we to head out to the front?” he asked. The kitchen was alight with hustle and bustle, servants rushing around to get everything ready for the young men’s arrival. “Yes, but just before you do, Mr Lupin, there’s something I need to tell you.”Immediately, his heart started thumping. “Yes?”“You’re being offered an opportunity, if you’d like it,” Mrs McGonagall said to him, face expressionless. “The role of Valet.” Remus baulked. “Valet? How?”Mrs McGonagall raised an eyebrow. “Well, as I’m sure you’re aware by the countless conversations and preparations that have taken place in the last twenty-four hours, Mr Lupin, we’re receiving new members to the Potter household. That means they’ll be treated as sons of his Lordship and her Ladyship, and will therefore be entitled to the same level of service as James.”“Ah.”“Yes,” Mrs McGonagall said with a small smirk. “Ah.”“So…” Remus swallowed. “I’ll be Valet? To one of the new men?”“Correct.”“Do you know anything about him? Who are they?”“I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. Now,” Mrs McGonagall ushered him towards the stairs leading up to the main floors of the house. “Off you go. Out to the front of the house so we can greet Master James and his friends.” “Yes, Mrs McGonagall.”“Oh, and Mr Lupin?”“Yes?”“Tell Miss McKinnon to stop squealing like an escaped piglet and get up there and play the part at once.”“Yes, Mrs McGonagall.” Remus ducked his head to hide his grin as he went up the stairs. Marlene was excited; she loved a good gossip, and receiving two new arrivals to the household was the juiciest bit of news she’d had in months. She was hoping for scandal, as she’d told him many times in the last day since they’d found out the news. Remus stood on the beige gravelled driveway of Godric Manor, looking into the distance as the two motors approached the estate. He was looking forward to the whole thing, more so now he’d found out about his promotion. That meant more money, more responsibility, and hopefully, more freedom. Not that the Potters weren’t exceptionally giving and generous with their staff—Remus had never had to worry about time off, or fair pay. He’d been assured before the war that he’d always have a place of work at Godric as long as he wanted it, as long as he promised them to come back safe and sound. The cars pulled up in front of the Manor, and Remus held his breath. He felt something hit his ankle and looked down, realising that Lily had reached out her own foot to kick him gently. He turned to her; she waggled her eyebrows and mouthed, “Ready?” He grinned at her and turned back to face front before Mrs McGonagall saw him looking out of place. The cars parked, and the first door was opened by Peter, the footman—probably First Footman now that Remus had been promoted, he realised. Remus watched and felt his chest warm when James climbed out eagerly, looking like his limbs were slightly too keen to get to where they wanted to take the rest of his body. He nearly tripped over in his haste to reach his mother, and when he got to her he hugged her so fiercely she lifted off of the ground entirely. Technically, the servants were meant to avert their eyes in this instance, but Remus couldn’t tear his eyes away from it, and he knew without looking that the others couldn’t either. It was something beautiful. There was a lot of love to be found running through this household. “My darling, darling boy, I can hardly bring myself to believe it!” Euphemia exclaimed, tears making her voice sound cloudy. “Let me look at you, put me down and let me look at you this very instant!”James obeyed, smiling so widely his face looked fit to crack into two. He stood there, rocking backwards and forwards on his feet like a child, looking exceptionally happy with himself. “It’s me, mother. Did you miss me? Don’t I look even more handsome now than I did before I left?”Remus snickered, as did a few of the other servants. Even Mrs McGonagall had lowered her head to hide a smile of her own. James Potter was one of a kind, and already the energy he’d brought back with him was enough to power the entirety of Godric Manor, all by himself. “You’re more beautiful every day you’re alive, my boy,” Euphemia said, and she reached out and squeezed his cheek. “Let me have my turn, Effie, for goodness’ sake!”His Lordship was playfully pushing past his wife to get to his son. “You look well, my boy. Did you get taller?”“I think you got shorter, actually, Father. Must be the old age,” James teased. “Bloody cheek,” Fleamont said, and then grabbed James by the back of the head, pulling him in for an embrace. “I missed you something terrible. Your mother’s awful at chess.”“Only because you cheat!”“Blasphemy!”“James?” A voice from the car called. “Have you had enough of the spotlight yet? Is it our turn?”Remus’ ears pricked at the voice. It was smooth, very well-spoken and… familiar somehow. The soft tones of sophistication weren’t surprising; Remus knew very well the type of accent and enunciation that came with those of the upper class. But there was something about it that made the hairs on his arms stand to attention. “Let me have my moment, you cad. Mother’ll be fawning over you the minute she sees you!” James replied, but he walked over to the car and waved at the passengers to get out. As they did, Remus felt his knees almost buckle. He nearly shot his hand out to hold on to Lily, but sense caught up with him just in time. He simply couldn’t do anything to bring attention to himself in this moment—that would be absolutely detrimental. Standing a mere few feet away from him was the face that had visited his dreams every night for weeks and weeks. Hair that shone in the sun, eyes that twinkled their very own colour, a colour invented for that face alone. And a mouth that whispered promises and kissed like it was the greatest kept secret in the world. “Mother, Father, I’m sure you both remember Sirius Black.”“What am I, chopped liver?” The second man getting out of the car spoke up. Remus almost did a double take when he caught sight of him properly. He looked exceptionally similar to Sirius, just slightly shorter and slimmer, his hair a little more curly and a little higher than his shoulders. He was just as stunning though, just as elegant. Perhaps even more so. “Sorry, sorry, and of course,” James grinned, “Regulus Black.”“Darlings!” Euphemia called, rushing over to greet the two brothers. “It’s been too long. Too, too long. My goodness, it’s so good to see you both. You look so well, like you could both do with a good meal of course, but better than expected. We’re so, so pleased you’re both here. Aren’t we, Monty?”“That we are,” Fleamont agreed. “That we certainly are.” He stepped forward and shook the hand of Sirius, and then Regulus, both of whom looked up at the man gratefully, and perhaps slightly in awe. “Have their rooms been made ready? We’re all rather exhausted from the drive I’m afraid,” James said. “Of course, of course. Mrs McGonagall has ensured all three of you will have everything you need. And Sirius, Regulus,” Euphemia looked at them both in turn. “Anything you require, you let her know. She’d be happy to help, we all would. No one will see you want for anything at all. Isn’t that right, Mrs McGonagall?”“It certainly is, your Ladyship,” Mrs McGonagall stepped forward with a beaming smile. “Welcome, Master and Master Black. I’ll introduce you to the staff, if that suits?”“Please,” Sirius nodded. James stepped forward first, making his way up the line starting with Peter, shaking his hand and saying hello, then moving on to the other Footmen. Poppy the cook and Mary the assistant cook were next. James squeezed the both of them on the shoulder, face beaming, telling them how much he was looking forward to some “bloody good food” again. Then it was Marlene, the housemaid, followed by Lily, her Ladyship’s Lady’s Maid. He gave them squeezes too and said how lovely it was to see them and that he hoped they’d been well. When he reached Remus, Remus couldn’t help the smile that reached his features. James shook his hand very firmly, and even grabbed him by the arm, telling him how well he looked. “God, it’s good to see you Remus. Sorry, Mr Lupin, now isn’t it? I hear a promotion has come your way! Staying in the big house, Valet to the Black brothers here!” James said. “How are you coping, being home?”“I’m doing well.” Remus replied. “I’m happy to have somewhere to come home to, sir.”“None of that ‘sir’ tosh, Mr Lupin. I’m so bloody gassed to see you, truly. We’ll catch up properly soon, yes?”“Yes, si-, Yes.” Remus agreed. “We shall.”“Sorry, did you say that Mr Lupin will be valet to both of the new Masters, Master Potter?” Mrs McGonagall asked. “Just for now,” Euphemia replied. “Until we can hire someone else, that is. It’s been a little difficult to hire lately, what with everyone getting settled after the war, you see. That won’t be a problem will it, Mr Lupin?”“No, your Ladyship,” Remus replied instantly. “Not at all. I’m more than happy to help.”“Perfect,” she smiled kindly. “Sirius, Reg, come and meet everyone!” James waved the brothers over.Regulus went first, making his way up the line and standing in front of each of them, offering a stiff but polite nod, along with a quiet “Hello, nice to meet you.”When he reached Remus, he lingered a little. “Hello. Mr Lupin, is it?” he asked with a head tilt. Remus felt like he could see every thought running through his head at that moment. Which was no small feat—they were currently running at a million miles per second. “Yes, Master Black. Nice to meet you.”Regulus Black’s eyes narrowed slightly; not nastily, more just as though he’d suddenly realised or remembered something. Remus swallowed. Next, inevitably, was Sirius. Master Black, that is. He too made his way up the line, more animatedly than Regulus had been, but still polite, following protocol. When he finished greeting Lily, Remus saw him take a sharp breath, his chest rising and falling quickly. “Mr Lupin,” he said, through a strained voice. “Good to… meet you.”“Master Black,” Remus replied in turn. “Pleased to meet you. Welcome to Godric.”“Yes, right. Thank you. It’s, ah, been a while since I was last here. Good to be back.”“I’m sure.”An awkward silence followed. Neither of them had looked at one another properly.“You’re our Valet, then?” Remus looked him in the eyes then. Properly. The breath left his body and he was sure he swayed a little on his feet. “Yes, sir.”“We’ll… talk soon then, I imagine,” Sirius replied quietly, a small crease appearing between his brows. He was staring intently at Remus, like he was begging for something, although Remus couldn’t imagine what. Perhaps he was trying to communicate that Remus was to keep his mouth shut about anything that may or may not have transpired in a past life. Not that he needed to. There was no way on God’s green earth that Remus was going to spill that to anyone. “You slept with him.”“Lily!” Remus hissed. “Watch your voice!”Lily grinned at him. “Well? Am I wrong?”Remus sighed, peeking around the corner of the stairwell to check no one was listening in to their conversation. “No, I did not sleep with him, don’t be absurd. We just… well. We… ah…”“Remus, I love you but I’m losing interest by the second here. What bloody happened?”“We kissed!” Remus blurted, wincing at his own volume. “We were stationed together and things got dicey for a while there and I thought, I don’t know, I thought we were toast. I thought we weren’t going to make it so I was impulsive and reckless and stupid and–”“And you kissed him?” Lily looked at him, facial expression somewhere between incredulous and impressed.“Yes.”“Well. There we go, then.”“There who goes where?”Lily snorted inelegantly. “That explains it. The eyes.”“What eyes?! What are you even saying to me right now?”“You both looked at each other like deer caught in headlights, Remus. It was painful. But also sort of fascinating. In a morbid sort of way.”“Charming.”“You know me,” Lily winked. “So, what now?”“What do you mean?”“Well,” she mused. “You’re his Valet now, aren’t you? And his brother’s, for that matter.”“Yes.”“How’s that going to work?”“Well, Lily, the role of a Valet is to help prepare the Lord or whomever for the day, sort their clothes, tidy their affairs– ouch! Do you mind?!” Remus rubbed his arm where she’d pinched him. “What was that for?”“Don’t sass me, lover boy. Are you going to speak to him about it? It looked as though he had rather a lot he wanted to say to you.”Remus stayed silent, thinking on that. She was right, it certainly seemed as though Sirius had something he’d wanted to say to Remus outside the front of the Manor. “I don’t know. I think it’s probably not the best idea for me to bring it up.”“Why’s that? You certainly didn’t seem to worry about rank when you were attaching your lips to his like a vacuum.”Remus tutted. “Must you be so vulgar all the time?”“Hey,” Lily reasoned. “This is the most action I’ve seen in years. I live vicariously through you these days, war hero.”“Nothing else happened with you and Ma–”Lily held her hand up in front of Remus’ face. “Are you quite well? Don’t talk about that sort of thing here. Anyone could walk up the stairs and hear us, you oaf.”“Oh, but it’s fine when it’s my arse on the line, I see how it is.”“As long as you know. But seriously, I think you’re right. You’re best waiting to see if he brings it up to you. He could land you in some real hot water here, and well, no offence, Remus, but you’ve an awful habit of saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time.” “Lily, truly, the confidence you have in me. Outstanding. I always leave our conversations so sure of myself,” Remus said drily, eyebrow raised. “No worries, big guy. What are friends for?” She slapped him on the arm, right over the same place she’d flicked him. “Anyway, we’d better get cracking. Mrs McGonagall’s going to have a fit if she catches us gossiping in a stairwell.”“Suppose you’re right. I’d better go and make sure the two new arrivals have everything they need.”“Mhm, you do that, Lupin,” Lily called behind her as she turned on her heel and flounced down the stairs. “See ya later, lover boy!”Remus closed his eyes, cringing at the nickname. Lily was his best friend in the world; he trusted her more than anyone on earth. He knew his secrets were completely safe in her hands, the same way hers were with him. But by God, she had all the subtlety of a brick to the face. He shook his head, and took a deep breath, willing himself to make the necessary steps to go and do his job. “Be brave, you idiot,” he whispered to himself. “You fought a bloody war. You can face Sirius Black, for God’s sake.” Remus made it up the stairs without his legs giving out, or falling back down the way he’d walked up. He got to just outside Sirius’ bedroom door before he stopped in his tracks. He could do this. He would do this. It would be fine. He could be professional. The door opened suddenly and Remus held his breath.“Hi,” Sirius said quietly. “You’re here.”He absolutely could not do this.
Sirius
For the second time that day, Sirius stood dumbstruck. Remus appeared to be similarly frozen. They stood there in Sirius’ new bedroom, staring at each other. He expected Remus to say something, but when nothing but silence stretched between them, Sirius tried to muster up his courage. “I-” Sirius started, but what did he say? Hi, I know what we did was illegal and also our statuses are vastly different, we’d not only be shunned but also arrested, anyhow would you like to be my sweetheart? That was prosperous, and there’d been a war on, for God’s sake. Mr Lupin may not fancy him at all. The kiss they shared may have been a last-ditch effort at some comfort between two dead men. Sirius tried again. “Mr Lupin, I do apologise. Had I known you, er, worked here…” For heaven’s sake, this was unlike him. Sirius was confident, proud and eloquent. He was a smooth talker, rarely ever nervous. He was—
Oh, why did Remus have to look so handsome in his livery?
“Master Black,” Remus saved him from whatever embarrassing blubber he’d been about to say. “Is there anything that you need before supper?” “Remus—”“If there’s nothing else, may I be dismissed to assist in the kitchen?” “Oh,” Sirius frowned. “Of course, I’m perfectly fine here. Thank you.” Then before he could speak again, Remus bowed his head just slightly and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Sirius released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He needed a bloody minute. So many things were happening at once and he had absolutely no idea how to handle it. On one hand, Sirius didn’t want Remus to feel like he needed to leave his current position at the Manor, but on the other hand this may present an opportunity for them to get to know each other outside of the battlefield. He didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. Firstly, they needed to talk. Sirius was sure of that at least.*Supper wasn’t as grand of an affair in the Potter household as it was in the Blacks’. The pristinely polished cutlery was laid out on the table next to their plates, but they weren’t in the formal positions that high society was accustomed to. There wasn’t an extravagant centrepiece, but rather a few simple lit candlesticks and a bouquet of flowers. Even the serving plates were more simple than the Blacks’ gaudy ones. This wasn’t the first time Sirius had dined with the Potters, so the general informality came as no shock to him. Regulus, however, looked slightly concerned. His brother was a traditionalist, and tended to resist change. It was all Sirius could do not to snort at him in amusement.“Once again, welcome to our humble abode!” Monty announced. “I’m so happy that we’re having our first supper together as a family,” Effie smiled warmly at Sirius and Regulus. She’d always felt more like a mother to him than Walburga ever had, and Sirius hoped that maybe with time, Regulus could come to feel the same. “Thank you for having us, Lord and Lady Potter.” Regulus sat straight, shoulders tense and back rigid. “Oh, please, call us Monty and Effie. You’re just as much a part of this family as Sirius and James.” As Monty spoke, Regulus’ cheeks tinged pink. “Don’t worry, Monty. He’ll lighten up,” Sirius elbowed his brother playfully. “But in all seriousness, I really cannot adequately express my gratitude for all of you.” Had it not been for the Potters, Sirius would have been shamed from society altogether. He would have been homeless, prowling the streets looking for work and a roof over his head. Sirius wasn’t afraid of hard work, but he was afraid of loneliness. Of being cast out from everything and everyone he’d ever known. The Potters single-handedly prevented that by taking in Sirius, and by extension, Regulus. “Oh don’t start again, Sirius, no tears at the dinner table,” James teased him, and after that, no more was said on the subject. Sirius knew that none of the Potters would ever make him or Regulus feel indebted to them, even if they technically were. It just wasn’t like that. They were family. Even though Sirius was used to the way the Potters lived, he was surprised to see some familiar faces of the servants helping to serve them at dinner. Along with the Footmen, Lily and Remus were assisting too. Effie must have noticed the confusion from Sirius and Regulus, because she spoke up. “Times are changing, boys,” she smiled. “Many of our staff have moved on. And, we do not require as much assistance as we once did, so most of them help out in other tasks outside of the traditional job description, with higher pay of course.”“Oh, how very modern,” Regulus took a sip of wine and Sirius immediately panicked, thinking that the Potters may not catch on to his brother's particular brand of dry humour. Thankfully, James snickered and then laughed, and Effie and Monty soon followed. The strange part of it all was the way that James was looking at his brother; curiously, almost endeared. Sirius put it up to the fact that Regulus was his brother and James was going to accept him regardless, but it was still peculiar. The conversation flowed easily after that, as it always did. Going into this supper, Sirius thought the biggest problem he’d have to face was Regulus being too sarcastic. Instead, the Potters seemed to adore him. The situation was dire for other reasons now. Other reasons being, Remus Lupin and his very pretty eyes. Sirius couldn’t stop glancing at him as he carved meat from the chicken they were eating, or as he poured someone more wine. They’d catch each other's eyes and Remus would immediately look down. Sirius hated that, but he understood why. “I do not want to darken the mood, but please know there is an open invitation to speak of the war in this house,” Monty declared. “We’re not going to pretend it never happened. I know you were all put through the wringer, and if you need to talk about it, you may.” Therein lay the biggest difference between the Potters and the Blacks. In the Black household, you did not speak of emotions, whether they be ill or happy. You did not speak of anything that shamed the honourable Black name, or Crown and Country themselves. There was no crying, no joyful shouting, no strong showing of anything that may look untoward. No; the Blacks were to stay proper and poised in all situations. Regulus remained silent, obviously taken aback. Even Sirius, though he was completely comfortable with the Potters, could not bring himself to speak at that moment. “Well, we saw some awful shite,” James spoke. “James Potter, you will not use that language at my dinner table!” Effie scolded, but her eyes were soft with understanding. “He’s right, though,” Regulus piped up, surprising Sirius. “I saw some of the most ghastly injuries.”“Undoubtedly,” Monty answered. “Though I do think it admirable that you served in the way of healing our injured, Regulus.” “I agree,” James nodded, and Regulus fidgeted. Interesting, Sirius thought.“I think in many ways, Reggie experienced the worst of it,” Sirius offered his agreement. He’d never been prouder to call Regulus his brother. “Perhaps, but that’s not to discount what you boys experienced on the front lines,” Effie put in. “I think Mr Lupin served there too, didn’t you, Remus?” “Yes, my Lady,” came Remus’ voice from somewhere behind Sirius. If there were goosebumps peppering up Sirius’ arms… No, there were not and he would deny it at all cost.Regulus hummed, “Interesting, that.” He looked towards Sirius. “Did you not have a Lupin in your brigade, dear brother?”There was a soft clatter that drew the attention of the table. When Sirius turned, Remus was fidgeting with a serving platter. “Apologies, my Lord,” Remus murmured. Sirius felt immediately guilty. “Quite right.” He turned back towards the table. “Mr Lupin and I did serve together in the same trench. He was an honourable soldier.”There was no lie in the statement, and no one around the table needed to know that they’d been anything besides brothers in arms. Regulus’ eyes were narrowed in his direction, but he said no more. “Still, I am so proud of you all,” Effie said, while Lily collected everyone’s plates to prepare for pudding. “And I am saddened that your parents can not recognise both of your valiant achievements.”“That’s another thing,” Monty wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin. “As with topics of the war, Sirius, please do not hesitate to speak of the situation with your parents. I do not care to maintain what is considered polite conversation if something is bothering you.”“Yes, dear, I agree. And, if you need us to hire a lawyer and fight it, we will,” Effie said in a determined voice. “Oh no, that’s quite alright,” Sirius spoke fast. He wanted to squash any thoughts of potentially contesting the disinheritance, lest his parents tell the police of his crimes. “I—-Well, thinking about it now, I’m rather unsurprised.” James glowered, “They truly are such a horrible excuse for parents.” This time, Effie did not correct James’ manners. “But if it’s alright with you all, I’d rather not speak about it,” Sirius couldn’t help but wonder what Remus and the other servants were thinking. None of them had spoken the word disinheritance aloud, but it could easily be assumed based on the conversation. Sirius was already battling the inner voices that whispered to him of his failure as a son and heir. Logically, he knew that the people closest to him didn’t see it that way, but his brain could be unkind to him at times. Strangely, Sirius found himself wanting to know that Remus didn’t see him as a failure. That this man, who came into his life when they were both under duress, who had ended up being his closest confidant, might still perceive him as someone whole.Someone worthy. “Besides,” he smiled. “I think James would have had my head if I’d argued against staying here.”Sirius was always better at humour than hard things. *After supper, Sirius shared a drink with James, Regulus, and Monty before they each retired to their rooms for the night. Per tradition, Sirius knew that he should be expecting Remus at any moment to help him undress and to ready him for bed. He didn’t need the help, but this was Remus’ job, and Sirius didn’t want to insult him by denying traditional Valet services. Sirius wore embedded footprints into the plush carpet from pacing while he waited. He was anxious about being alone with Remus again, because the conversation they inevitably needed to have was going to be tough. And awkward.When the knock came, Sirius stilled himself, glancing at his reflection in the mirror of the vanity next to him, just to make sure he looked okay.“Come in.”“Good evening, Master Black,” Remus spoke quietly as he stepped into the room. “Hi.” Sirius turned and Remus helped him out of his coat. The silence between them was thick with a palpable tension, but Remus’ hands were on his shoulders and Sirius couldn’t for the life of him think of what to say. “I… I appreciate you helping Regulus and I.” Remus turned and was hanging the coat and overshirt carefully in the closet. “It’s no bother, sir.” “It wasn’t that long ago that you called me Sirius.” Ok, that wasn’t exactly the smooth way he’d intended to start the conversation, but Sirius couldn’t help it. Now that he’d heard how his name sounded coming from Remus’ lips, he craved it like a man starved. “That… That was a different world, Master Black,” Remus turned towards him and gestured towards the vanity. Even though Sirius was disappointed that Remus was still sticking to formalities, he spied a light dusting of pink across the tops of the other man’s cheeks, and that gave him a twinge of hope. It was nice to know, or at least to be able to somewhat safely assume, that Remus was just as affected by being in the same room with Sirius as he was with Remus. “Was it though?” Sirius sat down, facing the mirror, which gave him a perfect view of Remus in its reflection. “It’s just you and me here now, Remus.” He grinned, pleased to feel the sweet return of his usual suave confidence. Remus appeared to be in a panic, which was highly amusing to Sirius, until he realised what was about to happen. The hairbrush that Remus picked up had an intricate S.O.B. carved into its handle. Effie had it made for him years ago when he’d begun staying at the Potters’ more frequently. The problem was that Sirius hadn’t accounted for the fact that a part of Remus’ job would be to attend to his hair as well. Remus hesitated for only a moment before beginning to comb the soft bristles through Sirius’ hair. Sirius had stubborn thick curls, and to properly brush them out, Remus had to run his own fingers through the strands alongside the brush. It wasn’t meant to be an intimate action, considering their status, but it was Remus, and they had a history, and Remus was brushing his bloody hair and Sirius was not okay. Now it was Sirius’ turn to panic, and when he glanced at Remus in the mirror, he noticed that both of their faces were red. “Master Black—-”“Remus—-”They both started at the same time, then abruptly stopped. Before Sirius could try again, Remus spoke up. “Will you be needing anything else, sir?” “O-Oh, well, actually maybe we could—-” Sirius started.“I must attend to the other Master Black,” Remus blurted, setting the hairbrush down but almost missing the vanity completely. “Oh, right, okay.” Sirius stood fast, trying to turn towards Remus before the other man could dart out of the door. But Remus was just standing there, and now they were very close, and Sirius was half-dressed and frazzled from the situation and, well, the confidence he’d felt before the hair-brushing ordeal was now decidedly non-existent. “Right—-”“Okay—-”They both started at the same time once again. It was awkward, and all Sirius wanted to do was sit back down and let Remus run his fingers through his hair again. “See you in the morning, Master Black,” Remus bowed his head slightly. “Right-o,” and God forgive him because Sirius bloody saluted. He actually bloody saluted and Remus stared at him like he was actually mental and he was, really, because who does that?When Remus finally shut the door behind him, Sirius fell into his bed and promptly screamed into his pillow.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
There was a certain time of day that was Remus’ favourite: early mornings, the earliest part of the morning in fact. It felt like the darkness had just departed, the first glimmers of light beginning to break their way through the atmosphere, glinting through the clouds and casting little rays of light on everything they could reach.Before anyone else was awake, before the house itself started creaking into life, the only sound to be heard was that of his own footsteps, carefully walking down to the kitchens as he did every morning. Avoiding the stairs he knew would groan with the injustice of being stepped on, being careful to jump quietly over the particularly noisy of the wooden floorboards. Greeting the dogs as calmly as possible so as not to get them riled and excited before was appropriate.Often, he’d walk them first thing, the dogs. There was something soothing about it. If he woke up early enough, before the rest of the staff, he would sneak them through the kitchens and out the back door, walking the grounds for an hour or so with the two beloved family pets, Pads and Prongs, just running free. They stayed close enough to him but enjoyed the freedom of the endless rolling hills; grass, bushes and trees for as far as the eye could see.Godric Manor was beautiful. Beyond anything Remus had ever thought he’d be able to see on a daily basis; he never could’ve imagined it. And yet, somehow, this had ended up being his everyday life. His livelihood; he was embedded into the walls of the place, there were pieces of him living in each blade of grass, in every painting on the walls. He’d put more of himself into Godric Manor than he had anything else.Except, perhaps, the war. For many reasons.Remus liked his early mornings, and he liked his routines. But on this day, his routine was thrown out of whack. Which, considering the events that had taken place a few days prior, he should’ve expected. But, alas, he was always a little too practised at being taken by surprise.So, when he returned from walking the dogs, he made his way into the kitchens to begin preparing tea for the rest of the servants when they awoke, as he did every day——and nearly jumped from his skin when he saw a figure standing by the sink, leaning on it casually.He, in fact, did jump when he saw who it was.“Master Black,” Remus gasped. “I didn’t expect–”“Hello, Lupin, good morning,” Regulus replied, a smirk lifting the left side of his mouth slightly. “How are you?”“Well, thank you, sir. And yourself?”“Quite well, yes,” Regulus replied softly. “First things first though, let’s stop with the formalities immediately, if you would be so kind.”“I—-sorry?”“Master Black is… well. I’m not a fan. Nor Sir, while we’re on it. I’d much prefer if you’d call me Regulus.”Remus blinked. “What do you mean?”“I have a name. It is Regulus. I’d rather you address me as such. At least when we’re downstairs.”“Yes, sir, I mean,” Remus shook his head, attempting to come to terms with the absurdity of it all. Especially at this hour of the day. “Regulus. Are you… are you sure? It’s rather… improper. I don’t want to overstep.”“Really, Lupin, you’re hardly overstepping by doing exactly what I ask of you,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Although on that note, may I perhaps call you by your Christian name too? You see, I have rather a large favour to ask you, and it feels a tad ridiculous having formalities in the way of it all.”“Oh,” Remus tried to compose his face, although inside he was absolutely beside himself wondering where this conversation could possibly be going. “Of course. Remus. My name’s Remus.”“Yes, I heard,” Regulus smirked, and Remus felt his ears get hot.“You mentioned you wanted… a favour?”“Ah! Yes,” Regulus clapped his hands together, moving his body forward so he was no longer leaning against the sink, but standing straight, the sort of posture that one only seemed to acquire after serving in the forces. “You see… I’d like very much to learn how to cook.”A beat of silence stretched between them.“To cook.”“Yes.”“Yourself?”“...Yes.”“Like, with your… hands.”Regulus looked at Remus as though he’d grown another head. “Yes, Remus. With my… hands.”Remus let out a jolt of nervous, too-loud laughter.Regulus sighed. “I understand why you think me ridiculous. It is ridiculous, I know that—”“No, no,” Remus rushed. “That’s not why I laughed, I’m sorry. I’m just… surprised. That’s not what I expected you to say at all.”“Oh?” Regulus raised his eyebrow. “What were you expecting, then?”Remus faltered. “I’m not sure exactly,” he admitted. “But not that.”Regulus examined him a little, head tilting in the same way his older brother did when he was assessing something, be it a person or a situation. He nodded then, before continuing. “It’s odd, I know. But I’d like to learn the basics. It’s… it’s important to me.”Remus felt something tug in his chest a little at that. He could understand it, in his own way. Both Sirius and Regulus had all security and stability ripped from them twice over now. Firstly by being shipped off to a war they shouldn’t have had any part in. And then, a second time with the disownment by their parents. It made perfect sense that Regulus wanted to feel somewhat self-sufficient. If anything, Remus thought it rather admirable. He’d have said as much but the whole situation was still absolutely insane.“That makes sense. Was there anything in particular you had in mind?”“No not really, not as such,” Regulus said. He chewed slightly on his lower lip. “Although, I wouldn’t mind learning to make a cup of tea.”Remus smiled again at that. “A cup of tea.”“Really, Remus, must you repeat everything I say? It’s like I’ve an echo in here.”He laughed again. “My apologies, Regulus. It’s just a bit early for the long list of surprises I’ve been met with this morning, is all.”Regulus’ cheeks went slightly red then, and he smiled sheepishly at Remus. “Yes, I suppose that’s fair. But I wanted to catch you before the others woke.”A thought occurred to Remus. “How did you know I’d be up?”“A hunch,” Regulus replied. “My brother’s an early riser too, you know.”Remus swallowed thickly. “Oh?”“Mhm.”“So… tea, was it?”“Please,” Regulus gave a smug little smile, looking a lot less sheepish all of a sudden.*Regulus hadn’t been lying when he’d stated he had no idea about any of it. He was clearly the newest of newcomers to a kitchen. In fact, Remus was still confused as to how the hell he’d found the kitchen in the first place. That being said, Regulus was observant. He seemed to know an awful lot of the goings on of Godric Manor already, considering he’d only been living there for a few days.He’d somehow learned the names of all the servants and all their jobs in his short stay so far. He knew where each and every corridor of the manor was without needing to be shown. Regulus told Remus some secrets of the house itself that even he hadn’t known. Little private walkways in the grounds, which rooms had doors hidden behind shelves, all of it.“How have you learned so much about the place? You’ve only been here a few days,” Remus remarked.“I’m a fast learner,” Regulus replied, as he dropped the lid of the kettle into the sink for the third time.“Clearly,” Remus snorted. “Here.” He picked up the lid, running it under the tap before showing Regulus how to do the same without underestimating the water pressure and turning the kitchen into a swimming pool.Regulus watched intently, taking all the instructions Remus gave seriously, everything from how many teabags to use in a teapot depending on the number of people you’re serving, to what temperature the milk should be. What sort of china was best for which occasion, and what depth of the teacup was best for what style of tea.It was simple stuff, hardly took a lot of brain power at all, more just a good eye and not too bad of a memory. But Regulus listened as though Remus was spilling the last secret the universe had to offer, the final one to add to his collection.“So,” Regulus began. “I see you and my brother are clearly more acquainted than I realised.”Remus pursed his lips. “A little, yes. We… we crossed paths.”“Crossed paths?” Regulus nodded, focusing on his task but raising his eyebrows, showing an elegant scepticism that Remus would never have been able to master. “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”Remus put the teacup he was holding down on the side, and turned to face Regulus fully.“Well,” He began, mirroring Regulus’ tone. “It certainly seems you have a bit of a fan, amongst the Potters.”Regulus narrowed his eyes. “A fan?”Remus set to make it look as though he was busying himself with a very important task. “Mhm,” he assented. “Master James has a particular expression he wears on his face every time he looks in your direction, haven’t you noticed?”If looks could kill, Remus reckoned he’d have been six feet under by lunchtime.By the time the tea was acceptable enough to be served to people, and Remus was certain Regulus wouldn’t accidentally poison someone, the light was beaming through the windows and they could hear the telling rumblings of the house coming to life. People were starting to wake, floorboards were creaking, and the house felt as though it was getting a bit warmer with bodies.“Okay, just set it all down here on the table. People usually just serve themselves as they come down, nothing fancy like for the family,” Remus instructed.“Alright, does it matter wh–”Regulus was interrupted by the sound of the kitchen door swinging open and closing with a click.“Master Regulus, good morning! Was there something you needed?” Mrs Mcgonagall looked sternly at the pair of them. But where Remus shrunk slightly, knowing he was bound to get told off, Regulus’ chin raised slightly.“Yes, actually, Mrs McGonagall. Remus here, that is, Mr Lupin, has been teaching me to make tea. He’s kindly agreed to help me learn a few things here and there.”There was a beat of silence, both Remus and Mrs McGonagall likely feeling the same level of disbelief at the outright honesty of Regulus’ statement.“Is that so?” She asked, a single eyebrow raised.“I—-” Remus made to interject and apologise, but Regulus cut him off.“It is, yes. I rather bullied Mr Lupin here into it, is the thing. He’s been very patient with me.”“Master Regulus, if there’s something you find to be lacking with the service here, please do let me know and we will rectify at once, I can assure you.”“No, not at all. The kindness and attentiveness of the staff here at the Manor has been second to none. It’s not that at all.”Mrs McGonagall looked confused. “Then… If I may ask, what is the purpose?”Remus looked between them, wondering how truthful Regulus would be. It would be easiest to lie, most likely. He could say anything. Boredom, wanting to understand the workings of a big house, bragging rights with a woman he fancied… anything at all.He watched as Regulus swallowed visibly, then lifted his head higher still.“Things have changed. Since that war, that is,” he said slowly, carefully. “I’ve changed. The world is changing. Certain things that seemed to matter terribly now all of a sudden feel rather pointless. Useless.”“Okay…” McGonagall frowned, understanding seemingly dawning.“I don’t want to be useless,” Regulus stated. “I won’t be useless.”Remus’ heart crawled its way into his throat. Suddenly, teaching Regulus how to make something as small and simple as tea, didn’t feel quite so small and simple any more.
Sirius
The next day…Soldiers never truly sleep when they’re on the front lines. There’s no real way to calm your body and mind enough to rest when bombs are blasting apart men you’d come to call friends. You slept when you could, sometimes for only a few minutes; other times you’d be lucky enough to rest for a couple of hours.Sleep never came easy to Sirius, even before the war. The racing thoughts often won out over the tiredness. When he shared a bunk with Remus, both of them would lay awake at night, struggling to sleep. It hadn’t taken them long to start talking in those moments, where the darkness was louder than the gunfire. They’d found comfort in each other in those days.Now, Sirius lay in bed without threat of imminent doom, and he still couldn’t manage to sleep. The silence kindled a longing for Remus’ conversation, his thoughtful insight and compelling nature. Sirius recalled how sometimes, when he and Remus spoke in those moments when they should have been sleeping, it felt restful. Like calmness even in the chaos. Sirius missed that comfort.When the Blackbirds started serenading the rising morning sun, Sirius gave up on trying to sleep any longer that morning. He dragged himself out of bed and blinked wearily at his reflection in the mirror of his vanity. Now was the part where he should pull the string that would ring the bell in the servants quarters to notify Remus that he was awake and ready to be dressed for the day, but it was disgustingly early and he didn’t want to wake him.Sirius changed slowly in an attempt to waste time until the rest of the house woke and he wouldn’t have to be alone with his thoughts anymore. For a while, he walked the halls of the manor, debating on what he could do to ease his boredom and frustration. Luckily, the answer came in the form of his brother exiting the servants quarters with a small plate in his hands. Sirius’ curiosity was immediately piqued.“Reg?” He asked, making his way down the hall.Regulus froze, shoulders visibility tensing as he turned to face him. “Good morning, brother.”“Good morning brother? Come off it!” Sirius exclaimed. “What in heaven's name were you doing down there?!”A beat of silence passed before Regulus answered. “I cooked an egg.”Sirius blinked, struggling to comprehend what his brother had just admitted to. “You cooked an egg?”“Yes.”“You did? Like, with your… hands?” Sirius cocked his head.Regulus’ left eye twitched. “Yes, with my own two hands.”“Oh.”“Yes.”Sirius sobered when he noticed Reg’s very serious face.It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that their childhood was tumultuous, and because of their history, both of them struggled to adapt as adults because their needs had not not been met by their parents as children. As a result, Sirius needed to know that he was important to the people he was close with, that he was valued, and most of all, loved unconditionally. Regulus tended to keep his battles internal, but Sirius knew that his brother shared similar sentiments. How could they not when they’d endured the same atrocities?Sirius knew that Regulus felt the need to prove something, just as he himself did.So, he didn’t push or continue to tease his brother because he understood. Maybe cooking, for Regulus, was proving something.“Well, shall we try it then?” Sirius smiled.Reg’s posture relaxed. “If you insist.” He rolled his eyes, but Sirius spied one side of his brother's mouth lifting in a small, lopsided grin.They made their way to the dining room, padding across the hardwood floor as quietly as they could since the Potters were still asleep. The gold velvet curtains in the room were already drawn, letting the very beginnings of the soft rays from the morning sun peek in. Miss McKinnon was currently starting the fireplace, kindling the burgeoning flames to warm the room.“Good morning, Master Black.” Miss McKinnon stood and nodded towards them. “Er, and other Master Black.”“If you don’t mind, Miss McKinnon, I would like to be called Regulus.”Sirius turned his surprised gaze towards his brother. Reg always seemed to value traditions when they were living with their parents. But, if anyone knew how getting away from a bad situation could change a person, it was Sirius.“Ah, me as well, Miss Mckinnon,” Sirius smiled. “Well, Sirius that is.”“Oh, thank god!” Marlene exclaimed, immediately dropping her air of formality which momentarily caught Sirius off-guard. “The Potters like us to use Christian names as well. Anything else feels so impersonal. Well that’s to say—we use Christian names when it’s just family around.”The implication almost brought tears to Sirius’ eyes. He’d spent time here as an adolescent, sure, and he knew all of the household servants—with the exception of Remus since he and his family had been grounds staff—but they hadn’t used Christian names up until this point. They were family, more officially than ever before.“Thank you, Marlene,” Sirius spoke.“I’ll tell everyone else too,” Marlene winked before leaving, likely to begin preparing the other rooms.Sirius and Regulus glanced at each other, and shared a small laugh. What a difference acceptance and open arms made to two young men who’d never known such compassion. Like wilted flowers blooming from the first touch of water after a hostile environment.They sat at the large table to share the egg. It was a little bit crispy around the edges, but otherwise seasoned well and tasty. Sirius was beyond impressed, having never even boiled a pot of water before.“Poppy taught you this?” Sirius asked.“Remus did, actually,” Regulus said casually, as though that bit of information wouldn’t send Sirius into a tailspin.And it didn’t. Sirius remained calm and collected.“Remus,” His voice came out high-pitched, like a surprised mouse getting caught by a cat. “I—I know him!”Ok, so he wasn’t calm. Nor collected.Regulus blinked slowly. “Yes, this has been established.”Sirius felt heat creep up his cheeks. “Oh, right. Well, he’s a good man.” Remus was more than a good man. He was kind, and compassionate, and quirky, and—“He is. He was very nice and didn’t put up a fight when I asked if he would teach me,” Regulus interrupted.“Did he— um, that is to say, did he mention me?” Sirius pushed the last bit of egg around the plate with his fork, suddenly feeling shy. It wasn’t typically in his nature, but considering the circumstances, and how those circumstances hadn’t been discussed yet, Sirius felt vulnerable.Regulus hummed, “Why would he do that?”Sirius looked up to find Reg gazing at him, a single eyebrow raised. Since they were children, Regulus could see right through him.“No reason,” Sirius frowned, because what was he supposed to say? That he was in love with a man, which was illegal, and also Remus worked for the Potters, who were graciously opening their home to them? It was messy, and complicated, and Sirius didn’t want to cause any undue hardships for his brother or the Potters.“You’re an idiot,” Regulus said dryly.Sirius sputtered, “What did I do?!”“It’s what you haven’t done.” Regulus frowned. Sirius blinked, confused. He knew his brother was incredibly perceptive, but could he possibly know?“I don’t…” Sirius trailed off, unsure and uneasy. He’d never spoken aloud his preferences, his wants. Not even to James.Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose irritatedly before glaring at him. “Just talk to him, tell him how you feel and what you want.”It was as simple as that. Regulus knew, he probably always knew and it had never been a problem. Sirius’ heart swelled with love for his brother. Not only had Regulus followed him to the Potters after his disinheritance—effectively giving up his own financial future—but he’d known of Sirius’ differences and didn’t care. Suddenly, Sirius felt like he may actually cry because how was he so lucky to have Regulus, and James too? To have people that loved him unequivocally?He wondered if Remus would love him unequivocally too.But it wasn’t that simple. He and Remus did need to talk, but he was scared and Remus was avoiding the conversation.Sirius ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I know, I know. I tried to talk to him,” he said, exasperated. “But I will try again, I will.”With the knowledge of Reg’s acceptance, confidence started to flicker into a steady flame within him again. He could do this, he would do this. Remus was worth it. What they could potentially have was worth it.“Good.” Regulus straightened up in his chair again. “How was the egg?”Sirius laughed, “It was actually good!”“Gee, thanks.”“No really! It was!” Sirius insisted, elbowing Regulus playfully. “Do you think you’ll take up cooking then?”“I’m… Well, I’m not sure,” Regulus looked contemplative, like he’d been thinking about the future. “I guess we both have to find our paths now.”Their future was uncertain, and the weight of that was not lost on Sirius. Between recovering from the war, trying to figure Remus out and adapting to living with the Potters, Sirius’ mental capacity was at its max. He’d tried to consider what he may do, but every time he did he found himself getting stuck.For so long, Sirius thought he’d take over the Black household. The rest of his life would be spent running the house, participating in local government, producing heirs. Now, things weren’t so bleak, thanks to the Potters, but Sirius still wanted to do something.Something he enjoyed.“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”“I’ve written to Andy to ask her to visit,” Reg informed him. “I’d like to speak with her about working at a hospital.”Sirius and Regulus were only ever close with one of their family members, their cousin Andromeda. Early on, Andy decided that she did not want to take part in the upper-class lifestyle. She left home and immediately went to school to train as a nurse. Sirius knew that she had helped triage soldiers who were discharged from the war, and suspected she was still working to help heal wounded men.“I miss her.” Sirius sighed, quiet longing for his cousin suddenly rising to the surface. “Do you think she’ll come?”“I do believe she will.” Regulus retrieved a folded letter from his pocket and handed it to him. “She wrote to you as well. It just came last night. She and Ted finally got engaged.”Andy met Edward ‘Ted’ Tonks whilst in school. Her parents, Cygnus and Druella Black, had been furious when they discovered that the two were pursuing each other. Their disapproval of the relationship was the deciding factor for Andy to leave the household. They’d disinherited her, and she’d never been happier.“Joyus news!” Sirius laughed. “Now she absolutely must come so we can wish her well.”He and Regulus shared a smile.*The topic of the future carried over into supper that evening with the Potters. Fleamont and James passed ideas back and forth about what they’d like to do with their land in order to keep Godric efficient and up-to-date; several other large family estates had stayed hesitant to change, and because of that, they were dwindling to non-existence. It was a new world, and the Potters were ready to embrace modernism.“I think we should focus on agriculture,” James declared. “Bring in more farmers, expand our current crops. We would bring in enough to maintain the estate, and also have more for charitable pursuits.”Everyone at the table nodded their agreement. “I do like that idea more than selling land for new homes, but perhaps we could consider leasing land for the development of more affordable dwellings?” Effie chipped in. “Places for the working family to grow in.”.“If I may, I think that you may even be able to establish a program of sorts. Provide leased housing at a lower cost in return for paid labour on the farms. It could include not only farming, but research and production as well,” Regulus added before taking a sip of his wine.Sirius noticed James gazing at his brother with a soft, almost affectionate smile. When had the two of them become friendly? Or was he imagining things?“Perhaps there could even be an incentive to build the homes.” James said, pointing his smile at Regulus.Reg hummed, his cheeks slightly tinted red. It most likely went unnoticed to anyone else, but Sirius knew his brother. Knew what to look for. Underneath his sarcasm and dark humour, Regulus was just as vulnerable as Sirius. Knowing that his brother was getting along with James made Sirus’ heart fill with joy. It was sickening almost, how much everything was falling into place. All of the good that was happening.Perhaps all of the goodness bode well for him and Remus.“But before all of that, I’ve had an idea of sorts that I wanted to run by you both,” James turned towards Effie and Monty. “What do we think of a party? We haven’t had one in so long. It could be a celebration for the end of the war. Something to ring in the new season of change, liven things up for some of our more stringent friends.”“Oh, dear, I think that is a wonderful idea!” Effie clapped her hands together. “We could serve cocktails like they’re doing in London nowadays. Oh, how exciting!”Walburga and Orion only ever hosted the dullest of parties. Sirius didn’t even consider them parties, but rather more of a get-together of the stuffy upper class where they smoked cigars and basked in their echochamber of horrible politics. Sirius and Regulus were ordered to be on their best behaviours during those parties, which meant that Sirius was on his worst behaviour. He didn’t always intentionally ruin them, but it inevitably happened every time. Which, consequently, always lead to harsh punishments.But the Potters were the polar opposite of Walburga and Orion. They wanted their guests to dance, drink, play games, and have fun.Excitement thrummed through Sirius’ bloodstream like adrenaline. “What if we hired a band?” He looked around the room, giddily realising that for once, no one was gazing back at him in disappointment.Instead, James slammed his open palm down onto the table, exclaiming a boisterous “Yes!”, while Effie smiled and Monty nodded in agreement.“Did you see the paper about that band, what are they called…? The one that’s been performing at all of the clubsin London?” James looked at Sirius imploringly.“Oh yes, I know the onef!” Sirius was about to burst with excited energy. “Seven hells, what were they called?”Effie shook her head fondly at him, letting the inappropriate dinner table language slide. In another life, he’d be sent to his room for disrespect. Now, Sirius no longer feared speaking freely.Someone in the corner of the room cleared his throat. “The Hobgoblins.”All five heads at the table turned towards the speaker.Remus Lupin was standing mildly at his station, ready to serve more wine if needed.Of course Remus would know about the latest music.God, Sirius loved this man.Oh God. Sirius loved this man.He couldn’t bring himself to speak, too stunned by the force of the revelation, and anyway was rather enraptured by the particular way Remus’ hair curled softly under his ear. There was a faint blush at the top of his cheekbones that Sirius yearned to brush his thumb across. He wanted. He wanted. He loved.“The Hobgoblins, yes! Good man, Remus!” James pointed at him, before turning back towards Monty. “Could we please, father?”The room quieted, anxiously awaiting a response.“I think that sounds rather grand,” Monty smiled.Sirius and James erupted into cheers.And Sirius didn’t miss the secret smile that broke out onto Remus’ face, head tilted down where he tried to hide it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
Music was always a very welcomed sound at Godric Manor. The thing about the Potters, and their staff for that matter, was that they all did pure joy very, very well. Remus and the other servants had found out there was to be a party at the manor soon, so they’d been in full preparation mode. As such, tensions were fairly high and stress levels were soaring, so Mrs McGonagall allowed the staff to throw a bit of a shindig downstairs to blow off some steam.Nothing major, just some music and card games, the occasional dance and plenty of booze. Remus was in his element with his favourite people in the world, drinking beer and listening to one of the footmen playing the piano surprisingly well for someone who’d downed so much drink.So when Lily came and pulled Remus from his card game, pestering him to dance with her, he gave in after only a little persuading.“Fine, but don’t expect anything fancy!” he cautioned as he unravelled his long legs from the kitchen bench.“Oh yeah,” Peter the footman taunted. “Lupin’s no fancyman.”Remus was about to ask him what his problem was when Lily beat him to it. “Just ’cause you’ve two left feet and the grace of a baby elephant, Pettigrew,” she smiled sweetly. “Come on, Lupin, woo me!”“Bloody hell,” Remus laughed. He obediently took her hand and spun her around, out away from him and then back in, while the others around the two of them laughed along, dancing with their partners and having a merry time of it.Remus wasn’t sure what time it was. Late, he knew that much. Work had ended at least three hours ago and spirits were getting higher and higher as the night wore on. The song changed to something slower, and Lily batted her eyelashes at him dramatically and acted as though she were about to faint in his arms.“Oh, good sir, won’t you save me from distress by dancing me off my feet? My knight in shining armour!”Remus snorted. “Please,” he said. “I’m more of a damsel in distress than you’ll ever be.”She winked, and cackled, and spun him around this time, before closing the space between them so they could sway to the music together. They danced and talked, laughed and giggled, gossiping like the best of friends they were.Lily was saying something to him about one of the housemaids when something out of the corner of his eye caught Remus’ attention: three figures, standing just outside the window of the partition between the corridor and the kitchen. Three dark heads of hair all peering in at the dancing and drinking.James, Regulus and, of course, Sirius.Remus stiffened, and watched as the three men slowly walked into the kitchen. The music was turned down and the dancing stopped.“Everything okay, Master James?” Mary stepped forwards to ask, curtseying slightly.“Yes! Yes, Mary, of course! So sorry,” Jamesrushed out. “Didn’t mean to interrupt the, er, festivities.”“What are you all celebrating?” Sirius asked, eyes wandering around the room, landing on Remus and Lily. He tilted his head slightly and raised his eyebrows as he saw how Remus and Lily were holding hands. It took every ounce of willpower Remus had not to drop her hand like a hot coal.“Ah, well, we’ve just been working hard, sir. With the party coming up, you know how it is,” Peter said quickly. “Mrs McGonagall said we were allowed though, so if it’s not then you should take it up with her.”“Peter,” Marlene hissed. “Shut up!”“What?” He squeaked back.“Do you guys fancy a drink? Er, sirs. Masters I mean,” Lily asked, then promptly hiccupped immediately after.Sirius grinned, and James laughed. Regulus rolled his eyes, but Remus spotted the small smile playing on his lips too.“What do you say, lads?” James asked, clapping Sirius and Regulus on the backs.“As long as we aren’t intruding, of course,” Sirius said, before addressing the room at large. “We’d love to join, if you’ll have us?”om.A resounding reassurance came from everyone there; even Peter nodded along gamely.The room stayed still for a second afterwards, nobody quite knowing what the next move should be. Remus went to say something, but of all people, Regulus beat him to it.With a tut and eye roll, he called over to the footman at the piano. “David, do you know anything a little livelier? My brother is a rather terrible dancer and I’m sure he’s itching for the chance to show you all.”Sirius gasped and shoved Regulus in the shoulder while James cackled. Remus smiled to himself, aware Lily was watching him, so he ducked his head to hide it before tugging on her arm to start dancing again.He could feel Sirius watching him. He didn’t know how, but at any point whenever they were in the same vicinity, he knew exactly where Sirius was, what he was doing, who he was with, when he was looking at Remus.And he did look at Remus. Often.*“He hasn’t stopped staring at you all night, you know.”“Who?”Lily tutted, reached her arm up and flicked him in the forehead.“Ow, what the– what was that for?!” he asked, bringing his hand up to rub at it.“You. Playing dumb. You know exactly who I’m talking about, Remus John Lupin.”Remus sighed. “You mean Sirius?”“Yes, I mean Sirius, you obtuse goat.”It was true. Sirius hadn’t stopped staring at him. Well, more accurately, glaring. He’d been watching Remus and Lily dance all night, was being short with people, refusing to dance with anyone who asked. He wasn’t being rude, exactly. More like… broody. It looked as though he were sulking. Staring at Remus and sulking.“I think I’ve pissed him off somehow,” Remus said.“What do you mean?”“Well… look at him,” he urged. “He doesn’t exactly look… friendly?”Lily turned them so they were facing him. “Oh, yes he does look rather annoyed doesn’t he?” she smirked.“Subtle, Lils.”“Right!” She abruptly stopped dancing and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m off to get a snack. On your own, soldier!”Remus’ eyes widened. “Lily!” He hissed. “What are you–”But it was too late. She’d left him. Abandoned him. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by people dancing and chatting, and being stared down by the death stare of Sirius Black.“Perfect,” he muttered under his breath. He made his way over to the table to take a seat and grab another drink, rather than standing like a lemon.He was pouring himself another small glass of whiskey when he was intercepted by the man himself.“Master Sirius,” Remus said, glancing up.“Oh, for God’s sake, Remus,” Sirius whispered. “Just call me Sirius, please?”Remus met his gaze. “It’s not appropriate.”“You call Regulus by his Christian name. Why should I be any different?”“It just… It is different. You’re different.” Remus felt his neck heat with the admission.Sirius looked at him sharply, then his face softened. He gestured to the back door of the kitchen. “Walk with me?”Remus hesitated. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t.“Alright.”Sirius led him out into the dark night, no sounds haunting the grounds of Godric Manor outside of the hooting of owls and rustling of bushes. Their footsteps crunched down on the gravel as their eyes adjusted to the path they walked.“What did you want to speak about, Sirius?” Remus asked, looking straight ahead. He heard Sirius’ intake of breath.“It’s good to hear you say my name, Remus. It feels like… forever.”“Sirius, please.”“Sorry,” he rushed. “I’m sorry.”“Why were you looking at me like that?”“What?” Sirius' head spun to face him. “Like what?”Remus turned to look back at him, the both of them having stopped walking completely. “Like you wanted to punch me in the face. Or, or, like I’d… I don’t know. Kicked your puppy or something.”Sirius snorted. “Kicked my puppy? Is that a euphemism?”“What? No!” Remus spluttered.“I wasn’t looking at you like anything,” Sirius replied.“You absolutely were, even Lily noticed.”“Oh,” Sirius said, his tone changing entirely. “Well, I suppose if Lily said it, it must be true.”“Uh…”“You two looked awfully cosy, dancing the night away.”Remus smirked. “Cosy? That right?”“Yes. I didn’t realise you had a girlfriend, Remus. You sure move quickly.”Remus laughed at that. “Sirius… What?”“What? What’s funny?” He pouted. “I’m just saying. Perhaps we don’t all move on as fast as you do.”“Sirius, firstly, it’s been months. Literally months. I didn’t think you’d even… anyway. You’re being ridiculous.”“Ridiculous? Is that right?”“Yes,” Remus laughed again. “You are.”“And why’s that?”Remus shook his head in disbelief. “Sirius… I… I like men. Exclusively.”Sirius’ cheeks went pink, enough that they’d surely be visible in the dark of the night sky.“Exclusively?”“Yes.”“Ah.”“Mhm,” Remus hummed. “Why should it matter, anyway?”“Why should what matter?” Sirius replied, starting them off walking again.“Whether or not I have a girlfriend.”Sirius didn’t reply for a while, just walked in silence, clearly running responses through his mind before allowing them out. “I think you know why.”“I don’t, actually.”“Remus.”“Sirius.”“Ugh,” Sirius sighed. “I love hearing you say my name. It sounds like everything I’ve been missing, all this time.”Remus stopped. “How can you… how can you just say that?”“Because it’s true.”“You’re trouble, you know,” Remus shook his head, hiding his smile.“Good,” Sirius grinned. “How terribly boring it would be otherwise.” He looked up at Remus again, eyes sparkling dangerously in the generous moonlight.Remus itched to reach a hand out and grab his jaw, hold it until his face was tilted up just enough that Remus could place a kiss on that beautiful, infuriating mouth of his.“Come on,” he said instead. “We should get back before they come for us.”They walked back towards the Manor, where the dim, orange lights of the kitchen were just visible in the night.As they reached the building, they stopped to look in the window, peering into the party still in full swing in the kitchen.“Look,” Remus whispered, standing just close enough to Sirius that it was inappropriate and thrilling. “You see that?”“What?” Sirius asked, trying to follow Remus’ line of sight.“Your brother. Playing the piano.”“Ah,” Sirius smiled. “That’s nice to see. It’s been too long.”“Look what else.”“What?” Sirius edged slightly closer still to Remus, and Remus had to force himself to breathe steadily. They were so close, if he reached out his hand would be on his hip, Sirius’ back pressed up against his front…“Master Potter. James, that is. Standing right next to him like a lovesick puppy.”Sirius gasped. “I knew it!”“Looks like you’ve more to worry about than whether or not I have a girlfriend, Sirius.”“Perhaps,” Sirius agreed. He turned his head and looked up at Remus, eyes darting down to his lips and then back up again, making Remus swallow audibly. “Still, can’t hurt to check, hey?”
Sirius
Somehow, Remus managed to thwart Sirius’ efforts in talking about what they were. Just when Sirius thought that they were getting to the point, standing oh-so-close outside the kitchen window, Remus had sabotaged him with devilish distraction. So how on god's green earth was he supposed to win Remus over?The solution came to him when he was discreetly listening to Lily talk to Marlene about her burgeoning feelings for Mary, the assistant cook.“I’m just no good with words, you know?” Lily sighed, despondent. “I’ve tried to tell her how I feel, but then the conversation goes elsewhere and I can’t seem to bring it back.”Lily and Marlene were dusting the room while Sirius and Regulus were playing a game of chess.It was shocking at first; that the two women felt comfortable enough to speak about something like this aloud. Even though Sirius wholly supported them, it was hard to consider himself in the same aspect. This was a safe space, rationally Sirius knew this, but that part of him—the part his parents had carved their prejudices into—still reared its ugly head more often than not.Sirius wasn’t ashamed of who he was, or who he loved, but he was scared at times.“Have you tried just flirting with her?” Marlene cocked her hip and gestured vaguely with the duster. “You know, put on a nice dress, do your hair up, tell her she looks pretty? Woo her, Evans!”Sirius had always loved Marlene.That was it! He’d woo Remus while trying to talk to him. He’d talk to Remus, and woo him, at the same time! It was a brilliant idea. What could go wrong?*As it turns out, everything could go wrong.Over the next few days after he and Remus’ walk, Sirius caught Regulus coming out of the kitchens several times. The problem was, Sirius had feelings about Reg’s new hobby. After the situation where he was definitely not jealous of Lily’s relationship with Remus, Sirius was trying to behave, but he had feelings about Reg getting to spend time with Remus.Okay, he was jealous. But, whatever Regulus could do, so could he. Which was precisely how Sirius found himself in the kitchens one day shortly after breakfast was served.When he opened the door, he was greeted by Mary, Lily, Remus, and Poppy standing from their seated positions.“Please don’t let me interrupt,” Sirius pleaded, immediately feeling guilty for disturbing them.“We were just chatting anyway, what can we do for you, Sirius?” Poppy smiled warmly.“Well, I heard about Reg… You know,” he gestured vaguely. “How you’ve all been teaching him how to cook. And, I was wondering if you might also teach me too?” Sirius felt vulnerable asking, like he was admitting his own general ignorance. Though he suspected that most people would consider the members of high-society to be ignorant.Lily and Remus caught each other’s gaze. Sirius fidgeted nervously.“Of course we can,” Mary spoke. “In fact, Remus was just saying how he wanted to start the soup for today's lunch.”Remus’ eyebrows pitched together in what Sirius thought might be confusion.Poppy turned towards Remus and patted his arm gently, “It was so kind of you to offer Mary and I the afternoon off. We’ll enjoy playing cards while you prepare lunch!”Lily snickered.“Oh, only if it’s ok with you, Remus?” Sirius smiled in his well-practised expression of endearment. He wasn’t above batting his eyelashes if the need called for it.Remus sighed, defeated. “Yes, I suppose.”“Excellent!”During the war, and all of the proceedings afterwards, Sirius saw Remus in many uniforms. There was not a single one of them that he didn’t think made him look unequivocally handsome. That also included, as it turned out, an apron. Remus donned the simple white apron easily, and when he tied it at the waist, Sirius’ mouth went dry. How one person could make an apron look so good, he’d never know.Although, perhaps he would know, because Sirius was absolutely certain he could pull off the apron look as well. Perhaps he’d garner Remus’ attention in precisely the same way.“Hey, Remus?” Sirius fidgeted innocently with his apron ties. “Would you mind lending me a hand?”Remus paused, and Sirius could tell that he was fighting an eye roll. Gods, how he loved all of him. One of Sirius’ favourite pastimes when they were serving together was to tenderly annoy Remus, to coax smiles and affectionate eye rolls from him. Though they hadn’t spoken about their relationship before, Sirius still felt the buzz of chemistry between them in the air. Palpable and electric. At first, Remus seemed to be avoiding touching Sirius at all while tying his apron, which was comical considering he was his Valet and he helped him dress every morning.But Sirius didn’t miss the brush of fingers over his waist, or the way Remus seemed much closer than needed; looming over him, warmth radiating between them.“Do you know how to chop vegetables?” Remus inquired, breaking Sirius from his daydreaming.“I’m afraid not,” Sirius admitted.Remus started by showing him the correct way to hold the knife, and how to position his fingers as he was chopping so that he didn’t hurt himself. For a brief moment, Sirius considered letting the knife slip, which would almost guarantee Remus’ attention, but he quickly disregarded it. No, he’d have to be more strategic than that.“You start on those, I’ll start preparing the broth.” Remus held a piece of paper in one hand, and started adding spices to a pot of water with the other.“Remus, dear,” Poppy spoke. “You don’t have to follow the recipe exactly.”Sirius glanced towards the table. Sure enough, Poppy, Mary, and Lily had a game of cards going. Them being there threw a small wrench into Sirius’ plans with Remus, but he was intent on it nonetheless.“I know, but everyone really enjoyed it last time so I want to make sure I follow it exactly.” Remus shrugged.Sirius smiled to himself, or rather, to the carrots he was cutting.“I still remember the stew you made in the barracks,” Sirius said wistfully. “It was delicious, even with the limited rations.” He glanced towards Remus, and was pleased to see that there was a faint dusting of pink across the tops of his cheeks.“You should really focus on chopping. If you get distracted you might cut yourself,” Remus commentedafter a moment.Sirius bristled.He moved onto the onions.“I guess it’s true what they say about chopping onions,” Sirius sighed, perhaps a bit too dramatically. “Though I can’t tell if I’m crying because of them or because you’re avoiding me, Remus.”Remus coughed, spluttering weekly. Sirius grinned. A win was a win.“It’s probably the onions,” Remus finally choked out, somehow still managing to maintain a disaffected tone.Sirius laughed. Bloody hell, the man was stubborn. Sirius considered that perhaps Remus would be more open if they were alone. Every time he felt like they took a step forward, Remus pulled them two steps back. Still, it did not shake Sirius. If anything, it only made him more determined.“I think I’ll probably cry when the Hobgoblins play that song about getting back someone you’re still interested in,” Sirius offered casually. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus fidget.“You know, I think my favourite lyric in that song is ‘You'll find that you were never not mine,’” Sirius sang the lyrics softly.Remus dropped the jar of spice on the counter. Sirius two, Remus nil.“What do you think of that song, Remus?” Sirius inquired.After straightening up and returning his attention to the soup, Remus answered. “Imgonnagetyouback is a good song, sure. Very modern.”Then, their eyes met and Remus had a determined look on his face. As if he were about to convey something quite serious in the midst of their casual back and forth.“I think I’m partial to one of their older songs,” Remus ventured quietly. “that I’. Specifically, the lyric ‘though I've handled the wood, I still worship the flame.’” He didn’t sing it like Sirius had, but the look in those bright hazel eyes was enough to convey Remus’ meaning.Sirius wasn’t alone in his longing.He wasn’t alone in breathing in the love between them when they were together.Remus spoke again. “But then the lyrics go on to say, ‘but it’s not tonight’, which makes me wonder if the narrator is maybe afraid of the heat.”Sirius’ heart beat wildly. Overjoyed by the subtle admission of Remus’ feelings.He wanted to scream.To grab Remus and scream that he was afraid too, that he was terrified, but that it would be worth it. They would be worth it.But he understood. Sirius understood the fear on a deeply personal level.“Yeah…” Sirius said, voice barely above a whisper. “It’s very relatable.”He’d finished the vegetables.“But sometimes I think the risk is worth it,” Sirius offered with a tentative smile.After a moment of hesitation, Remus mirrored the smile.“The broth is ready, come put the vegetables in.”Sirius blinked, his brain attempting to catch up to the shift in conversation. Right, they’d been making soup. And, he was attempting to woo!“How do they look?” Sirius sidled up to Remus, brushing their arms together as he presented the plate of vegetables. The cuts were uneven at best, varying in sizes and shape.Remus’ eyes narrowed towards the vegetables. “They look great.”It was Sirius’ turn to flush. Remus continued to surprise him.After Sirius had carefully dumped the vegetables into the broth, Remus handed him the sheet of paper that had the recipe scribbled on it. “Here,”he said. “Take this while I get the bottle of milk.”The soup was starting to fill the room with a hearty aroma from the vegetables. Sirius felt immensely proud of himself already. Surely he was making a good impression on Remus and the others.“Okay, how much does the recipe call for?” Remus asked when he came back with the milk. Sirius was pleased to be entrusted with the matter.“Two-hundred and fifty millilitres,” Sirius read from the recipe. “Why on earth would we put milk in soup?” It was probably a silly question, but how was he supposed to learn if he didn’t ask?“Mostly to make it more creamy,” Remus rolled the sleeves of his pressed shirt up past his forearms carefully before twisting open the bottle of milk.Sirius was transfixed on the exposed skin. His eyes tracked every freckle, vein, and scar that marred Remus’ tanned flesh. There was simply no part of him that wasn’t gorgeous. When Remus opened the bottle, Sirius noted the slight flex. His heart raced as he watched Remus pour the milk into the pot.Suddenly, many things happened at once.“Fire!”Poppy shrieked in alarm and pulled both Sirius and Remus away from the stove. Lily and Mary rushed to fill a bucket with water from the sink. Remus gripped Sirius’ arm, as if to pull him further from the fire, or perhaps ensure he didn’t move any closer. Sirius probably would have been obsessing over the touch if he wasn’t so preoccupied by the madness that was putting out the small fire that had started on the stove.Lily and Mary doused the fire with the bucket of water while Poppy frantically tried to move the pot of soup out of the way.“What the bloody hell happened?!” Sirius exclaimed, utterly bewildered how a fire had started not at the soup pot, but next to it.Lily opened the door to the kitchens that leads outside. “At least there wasn’t that much smoke.”“What could have possibly caught on fire?” Poppy demanded.“Sirius,” Remus released his hold on him. “Where’s the recipe paper?”The room filled with expectant silence.Sirius’ stomach dropped out of his arse.“Oh…” He breathed.
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!
He must have set it down on the stove while he was distracted by Remus’ bloody forearms.Sirius swallowed and looked up at Remus desperately.A beat passed before Remus broke into a smile. Bright, and dazzling. He laughed, and Sirius melted. He melted right into the floor with whatever remnants of the recipe paper that was left. The sound was like music to Sirius’ anguished ears, lifting him up from the depths of his embarrassment.Poppy, Lily, and Mary joined in, boisterous and playful.Sirius flushed, but their laughter was contagious. He leaned into Remus, just slightly, not enough for anyone else to notice, and laughed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
Events at Godric Manor were always a sight to behold. Before the war, there seemed to be an endless stream of parties and dinners held there, in the house or on the grounds. Either way, they were always over the top, and very, very busy.The Potters’ parties brought in an eccentric crowd, the most esteemed of society turning up to let loose and have a good time. Remus had heard horror stories from servants who worked for families outside of the Potters. Of their guests being entitled, snobbish and occasionally cruel. He knew he was lucky to have landed where he had—the Potters drew in a crowd much of the same mind as them. Kind, generous, and always grateful for good service.So as Remus watched the guests begin to trickle in for the party that was to take place the weekend ahead, he felt a small thrill of excitement thrumming through him, If for no other reason than it meant seeing Sirius in his finery for the occasion. Remus swallowed, scolding himself for thinking such thoughts, and shook his head free of them while carrying on tidying the drawing room.It wasn’t technically his job to do so, but he liked to help out where he could. He enjoyed spending time alone around the manor anyway, finding out more of its secrets, helping it become its shiniest and best. As he did so, he spotted a motor car pulling up the driveway: another set of guests ahead of the festivities.“Remus! There you are, old chap!”Remus startled, whirling around to see James in the doorway, looking frantic. “Everything okay, Master James?”“Firstly, we’ve been through this, call me James,” James replied. “And secondly, have you seen Padfoot? Bloody dog, I can’t find the crafty bugger and he’s liable to get himself run over with all of these blasted cars coming to the house.”“No, I haven’t. I can go and look for him though?”“God, would you? I would go myself but if I’m not out front five minutes ago, my darling mother is going to clip me round the ear for not greeting our guests,” James said.“Of course, Ma—-James. I’ll go right now.”“I’ll help.”Remus baulked. Sirius stood behind James, just out of Remus’ line of sight.James turned to look at him. “Aren’t you coming out front?”“Nah, you go. It should just be family who greet the guests anyway.”James raised an eyebrow. “Oh, all of a sudden you’re not family?”Sirius laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Bugger off, I want to make sure Padfoot's alright, that’s all. It’ll be easier and quicker with two of us looking.”Remus held his breath awaiting James’ response.James sighed. “Alright, yes. Thank you. Remus,” James turned back to face him. “If Sirius bothers you, you’re well within your rights to push him into a puddle or something. Send him away, whatever suits you.”Remus smirked as Sirius mock gasped. “Yes, sir.”“Perfect. Let me know when you find the silly thing, would you?”“Of course. There are a few places he’ll likely be hiding, don’t worry.”“Cheers, Remus. I owe you.”“What about me?” Sirius called after James as he disappeared into the hall. All he got in response was an exceptionally rude hand gesture from James, leaving him and Remus to laugh into the parlour together.“So, erm… You said you had some ideas?”“What?” Remus asked. “Oh, right, er—yes! Usually he goes into all the outbuildings to see if anything exciting’s happening. We’ll go check those, I guess?”Sirius saluted him. “Lead the way, soldier!”Remus just, just caught himself before he rolled his eyes.*“You helping out with the archery tomorrow, then?” Sirius asked, referring to the archery tournament that usually came with the sort of party the Potters were hosting.“I think so. His Lordship mentioned it at dinner the other night,” Remus replied. “I enjoy watching it all; her Ladyship beats them all every year, it’s quite something.”Sirius laughed. “Everyone always thinks Effie’s all sweet-natured and calm. A gentle thing, because she’s so kind, you know? But she’s a beast when it comes to competition. She’s banned from playing charades at Christmas. She turns into something mad.”Remus chuckled. “I can imagine that. I can’t see how anyone could think her gentle, though.” He rushed to clarify, “Not in a rude way, just because she’s smart as a whip. She runs the whole show here, really.”“I rather agree. She’s brilliant. James is lucky to have her as a mother.”Sirius’ voice had turned wistful, and Remus felt something tug at his heart. “It seems to me as though she’d call you her son, too,” he said gently.Remus watched the other man’s perfect face light up. “Yes, I think you’re right.”They continued walking in silence towards the nearest outbuilding after that. It was a games shed, filled with equipment for various sporting events, but often forgotten about at this time of year. Too cold for any rugby or croquet, it was rarely even looked at until at least May when the weather was brighter.“Reckon the silly sod’s in there?”Remus nodded. “Probably. Come on.”As they approached, Sirius walked slightly ahead to open the old door for Remus, letting him through first. Remus shook his head and cocked an eyebrow, but went through the doorway to be immediately greeted by the happy bark of the dog of the hour.“There you are!” Remus crouched down to greet Padfoot, giving him a face smoosh while he was at it, and was turning to tell Sirius that they’d found him and could head back to the house when his stomach dropped. “Shit, no, Sirius don’t close the–”
The door slammed shut behind Sirius and the lock made a fateful little click.“—door,” he sighed.“Why?” Sirius asked, turning to open the door, only to find the doorknob didn’t exist where it should. “Ah. Shit.”“Yeah. Shit,” Remus replied. “Well… Guess we’re stuck here for a while.”“Sorry,” Sirius mumbled. “I didn’t realise.”“It’s okay. They’ll come find us eventually…”Padfoot barked happily, tail wagging, and went bounding up to Sirius.“Hello, you little terror. Look at all the trouble you’ve caused,” he said, scratching behind his ears. Padfoot’s back foot thumped on the wooden floor of the shed. “Poor thing must’ve been cold out here all this time. How did he even get in here?”“Dunno,” Remus shrugged. “He’s a habit of finding mischief though, that one. Not unlike yourself.”“How’d you work that out?”Remus just looked at him.“What?” Sirius laughed. “I don’t find mischief.”“No?” Remus smirked.“No,” he paused. “Mischief finds me.”Sirius grinned at Remus, and Remus couldn’t think of a thing to say to that.“How… er, how are you finding everything here?”“What do you mean? In this shed?”Remus snorted. “No, at the Potter’s. Here. This life.”“Oh,” Sirius paused, scratching the stubble that had started to show on his chin. “I love it here. It’s so different to… well, everything from the past few years, really.”“Different?”“Yes. My family isn't like this at all. The Potters are like something off of a Christmas card. My mother wouldn’t know Christmas if it slapped her ‘round the face.”Remus tried to stop the laughter that rushed out. “Sorry,” he said. “That’s not funny. I’m sorry you grew up there.”“It’s fine, I can laugh about it now. It all seems rather ridiculous now I’m out of it all. Anyway, yes, so living there and then, well… The war. As you well know. The Potters’ is about as different to all of that as you can get.”“Yes,” Remus agreed. “I often thought about things back here when we were out there. I missed it terribly.”“Your family or?”“Yes,” Remus bobbed his head side to side as he considered. “My family. But also… this family. Perhaps that sounds weird. I know I’m not part of it all–”“You are,” Sirius frowned.“I serve the family, Sirius–”“It doesn’t matter. They love you. They think so highly of you. We all do.”Remus looked down and smiled. “That’s nice. I think highly of all of you too. But it’s still…”“Different,” Sirius finished.“Yes,” Remus agreed. “Different. But anyway, you were saying?”Sirius gazed at him with that soft smile he had, the one that was seemingly reserved just for Remus, and Remus all but melted under it. “Ah, yes. Well, the family situation was hardly perfect. And then, well… as you know. The war.”Remus nodded. “I do, yes.”He knew what was coming. Before Sirius even opened his mouth to speak again, Remus knew he was going to speak about their time together in the trenches. And he couldn’t cope. If Sirius spoke of it all, of their sweet kisses and late-night conversations, all of his resolve would crumble and he’d follow this man wherever he asked. Which would inevitably be doomed. They were worlds apart. They lived in the same house but their lives couldn’t be further from one another.“Remus, I know we haven’t spoken about it all properly–”“Sirius, please–”“But I, please, I just need to say this,” Sirius rushed to get the words out. “The war was terrible. We saw things no man should witness. Things that keep me awake every night, haunting me behind my eyelids. But you… You made it bearable. The darkness of it all is made brighter because you were there.”“Sirius,” Remus pleaded. He felt as though a crack had formed in his chest.“It’s the memories of you and I that keep me going, Remus. And despite it all, despite our differences… I can’t help but to have… Hope.”“Hope?”Sirius nodded, swallowing audibly. “Yes,” he whispered. “I know we don’t make sense on paper, I understand that but…”“You were the light for me too, Sirius.”Sirius’ breath was such a sharp inhale that Remus heard it across the small shed.“I have them too, the nightmares. But after I wake in the night, I fall back to sleep to your face. It’s your touch that keeps me calm. The memory of it, I mean.”“Remus,” Sirius moved closer and Remus put his hands out defensively.“But it can’t be that here, Sirius. I have too much to lose. The Potters… They’re good to me. I have it good here; I’m so lucky to have this job. And you’ve just, just landed on your feet.” Remus paused, worrying his lip. “You deserve to keep this family. They can offer you more than I ever could.”“But what if I want–”The door swung open and Padfoot let out a lively bark, startling the two men out of their conversation.“Ah! You found him! Hello you little shit!” James bounded into the shed, ruffling Padfoot’s fur and looking around at their surroundings. “God, you two been in here a while? It’s dreadfully cold and dreary. Everything alright?”Remus couldn’t find words, but luckily Sirius stepped in. “Yeah, yes. Found him! Skilled little escapist, got himself stuck in here. Mind that door, James, can’t open it from the inside.”“As you two well found out, by the looks of things!” James laughed, and Remus let out a small chuckle, a sad little thing that sounded weak even to his own ears.“Shall we… head back, then?”Sirius looked at Remus. “Are you coming with us?”Remus swallowed, standing straighter. “Yes, of course. I’ll speak to the groundskeeper about that door first thing tomorrow.”“Good chap!” James said cheerfully, clapping him on the shoulder as he walked past.The three of them walked back to the big house, Padfoot by their side. Remus was a little quieter than usual, but if James noticed he was polite enough not to bring it up, just kept the conversation light and breezy, involving Remus wherever he could without pestering him. James was good that way.And if he noticed Sirius glancing over at Remus every few minutes and Remus avoiding his gaze entirely, he was certainly too polite to point that out, too.*When they got back to the house, things were business as usual. Dinner occurred, and then after-dinner drinks, and as they retired to bed, Remus went up to assist Sirius and Regulus, as he did every night.He went to Regulus first, who quickly told him to bugger off (much more politely, of course), and that he could get himself ready for bed, and not to be so ridiculous.So, with that, Remus made his way to Sirius’ room. He waited outside for a few moments before knocking softly.“Come in, Remus,” Sirius called quietly from the other side of the door.Remus entered and they went about their nighttime routine, not speaking, just playing the same game as earlier where Sirius was determined to make eye contact and Remus was even more determined to avoid it.“You have to talk to me sometime, you know,” Sirius said.“I am talking to you.”“Pfft,” Sirius scoffed. “You haven’t said two words to me since the shed.”Remus sighed. “I think I’ve already said too much, Sirius.”“Do you? I could listen to you speak forever.”Remus closed his eyes.“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t want to make your job harder. I apologise. It’s just…”He trailed off and Remus looked up at him from where he was hanging Sirius’ dinner jacket back in the wardrobe. The expression on Sirius’ face was so forlorn that a pang hit Remus’ chest and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to cross the room and embrace Sirius with all he had.“I couldn’t bear it if you stopped talking,” Sirius whispered. “To me.”Remus held his gaze. “I’ll never stop talking to you, Sirius. That’s the problem. I want to talk to you forever.”Something that looked a lot like the longing Remus felt was mirrored on Sirius’ features then.“Then let’s?”“Let’s what?”“Talk,” Sirius said. “Forever.”It sounded so sweet, so innocent and lovely, that Remus couldn’t help but laugh lightly.Sirius sat down on the end of the bed, and patted it, silently asking Remus to sit by him, to make the next move.And so, he did. And they talked. About all sorts. About their childhoods, and the war. About the Potters and Padfoot. About Remus’ job and the plans Sirius was making for what his life would look like now. They spoke until their voices were barely above a whisper, but they carefully avoided the topic of them.All up until it was time to say goodnight, and Remus couldn’t resist any longer. So he stood, looking back at Sirius, and reached a hand out to gently stroke Sirius’ cheek with his thumb.“Goodnight, Sirius.”Sirius’ cheeks were slightly red, and his eyes lit up.“Sweet dreams, Remus.”*“They’re here! Reggie, they’re here!”Remus nearly dropped the very, very full pot of boiling water he was carefully holding at the sound of Sirius’ loud voice entering the kitchen, where Remus was currently attempting to teach Regulus how to prepare stock.“What the bloody hell are you talking about, Sirius?”“Andy! Andy and Ted, they’re here, Reg! They’ve just pulled up. Come and greet them! Remus, you too, come and say hello!”With that, he was gone, leaving Remus and Regulus staring at one another. Remus carefully placed the pot down on the kitchen counter and raised an eyebrow at Regulus.“Well, come on, you heard my oaf of a brother. Let’s go,” he said, tone dripping in sarcasm.Remus laughed, and followed Regulus up to the main quarters and out to the front of the house.“Hello, darlings!”The woman who walked in was a beauty; she looked so much like Sirius and Regulus but fiercely feminine. She had her hair cut fashionably short, and lipstick so red it was almost daring. Her clothes were fancy and expensive-looking, and she had those notorious Black cheekbones the family seemed to share, but she somehow looked so far from intimidating that it caught Remus a little off guard.She also happened to be exceptionally, heavily pregnant.“Um, is there… something you’d like to tell us?” Sirius ambushed her the moment she was close enough, stopping just short of hugging her while he stared at her stomach. His face was a picture of shocked delight.“Yes, yes, I’m here! Look at you! So handsome, my goodness.” The woman didn’t answer Sirius’ question, but did shoot him a sly wink. “Ted is just getting the bags, you know him, won’t let the servants handle a thing, God bless him. Let me look at you properly. You too, Regulus, get over here please!”Regulus narrowed his eyes, but Remus didn’t miss the little smile that graced his face as he walked over and was promptly pulled into the hug by both his brother and his cousin.“Agh! You’re both so boisterous, don’t you remember any of your home training?” Regulus complained, voice muffled.“No, darling, we’re the black sheep of the Blacks, remember? The delinquents. Our manners got kicked out when we did,” Andy replied, ruffling Regulus’ hair. “Someone get me a glass of water, would you?”One of the maids rushed off to find some refreshments for the new arrivals, and Sirius cackled and Remus ducked his head to hide a grin as Regulus furiously broke free from the embrace and fixed his hair. Only for him to be dragged back in a second later by a new attendee to the whole thing.“Andromeda! Hello! My God, it’s been far too long. You’re beautiful as ever! If slightly, er… glowier?” James called as he walked up to them, shooting a sideways glance at Sirius. “Are we hugging? Fabulous.” He reached them and joined in the hug Andy and Sirius were still very much involved in, and reached out to grab Regulus by the wrist, yanking him in too.“You’re all worse than monkeys in a zoo, what the hell is wrong with you all?”“Hello, anyone home?”Remus rushed to the door to help the man—Ted, he assumed—with the bags he was carrying.“Hello, Sir, let me take–”“Not a bit of it!” Ted replied. “You just tell me where we’re off to and I’ll drag the bags up, no bother.”“Ted! You look awfully well, how are you? It seems congratulations are in order!” Sirius broke free and rushed over to greet Ted with a firm handshake and a wide smile.“Haha, noticed that, did you? Yes, yes, not too shabby, yourself? It’s wonderful to see you, my good man. And you, Regulus. I see these two are driving you quite mad already?”“They do it so well,” Regulus confirmed. “Good to see you, Edward.”“Ted, please,” Andy rolled her eyes. “Don’t call him that, you little snob. He’s family.”Regulus rolled his eyes. “Good to see you, Ted. Congratulations.”“You as well, Reggie!”Remus snickered at the sight of Regulus’ eyes rolling back so far this time they looked as though they might disappear entirely.“Remus, would you be a gem and fetch someone to get some tea set up? Let’s get you a comfy seat, Andy.” James put in.“Of course,” Remus nodded, and rushed off to the kitchens to go about organising it all. Everyone in the kitchens was busy already, catering to the guests who had already arrived, or else prepping for the Archery luncheon that was to take place on the grounds the next day, so he sorted the tea himself and took the tray up to the drawing room to serve it.When he reached it, the five of them were sat on the comfy chairs, perched politely in posture but looking as comfortable as family should.“Thanks, Remus,” Sirius smiled, as Remus passed him his tea. He served the rest, then stood by the wall in case the family needed anything further.“So,” James started. “Ready for the festivities?”“Oh, you know me, James. I love nothing more than a party!” Ted replied.“Me too,” Andy said. “Although I’ve to take it rather easy this time round I’m afraid.”“Oh? Why so?” Sirius asked, sipping from his teacup. He looked so happy, so at peace, that Remus smiled to himself, content just watching Sirius shine.“Oh, you know, just the entire human I’m currently growing,” she laughed.“Ah, far along then, are you? Gosh, it doesn’t feel like we’re old enough to have children,” Sirius replied, a touch of wonder in his voice. “I can’t believe you didn’t mention anything. I was counting on you being on my archery team!”“Sorry to disappoint, cousin,” Andy replied, glancing sideways at Ted with a smirk. “You’ll have to have Ted on your team instead, I’m afraid. He’s been looking forward to it terribly, haven’t you, darling?”Ted nodded happily, halfway through a bite of Battenburg cake.Remus looked on, amused, as Sirius redirected his attention to his cousin, eyeing her pregnant belly with distrust “How…er, far along are you?”“I would imagine quite far, Sirius.” Regulus looked at him as though he were an idiot.“Whatever do you mean?” Andy asked, looking at her stomach and then at Regulus.“I– what?” Regulus replied, a mild look of panic on his face.“I’m barely three months along, Reggie, I’m hardly showing!”“Oh!” Regulus replied, cheeks turning red. “I, um… that is–”Andy, Ted, Sirius, and James burst into laughter, watching as Regulus sunk back further into his chair, tutting at them all.“Sorry, darling. Couldn’t resist. Not due for a good few weeks yet, though. So no babies will be getting in the way of the competition, don’t worry, Sirius.”Sirius laughed. “How exciting for you. I wouldn’t mind if the little thing showed up while you’re here. Be nice to be the first to meet them when they come along!”A wry smile lit up her face and she nodded. “Mm, yes, as lovely as that would be, I rather think I’d like them to arrive no sooner than they’re supposed to, thank you very much. However,” she looked between Sirius and Regulus. “I’m very excited for them to meet their new… well, second cousins, I suppose. But that’s rather a mouthful. We’ll say their uncles, shall we?”A cry of congratulations went up, James and Regulus standing and shaking Ted’s hand with gusto, offering their best wishes. Sirius stood slowly and went straight to Andy, gently pulling her up from the chair into a much more careful, but just as loving embrace this time. She squeezed him back, and Remus thought he should probably give them some privacy.Just as he was about to leave, he caught Sirius’ eye from where he was still hugging his cousin in awe, and they just looked at one another. The joy on Sirius’ face was radiant, contagious, and his smile turned into the cheesiest grin Remus had seenm him wear so far.Remus returned it in full, and mouthed “Congratulations.”Sirius’ smile grew even wider still.
Sirius
After the incident in the kitchen, Sirius had been worried he may have ruined everything. That maybe, he’d not only set fire to the house, but also to any chance he’d had with Remus. Alas, from the ashes came Remus’ smile, his gentle laugh, and then a chance. A chance that Sirius grasped onto, and through his efforts, they talked.They were finally talking. Getting to know each other in a different context than the war. Remus was no longer avoiding him completely, and Sirius could positively weep with joy.After the incident with Padfoot, and the progress that ensued between him and Remus because of it, Sirius walked with a new pep in his step. He felt light as a feather. Happier than a kid in a sweet shop.And, Andy was having a bloody baby!Life was good, and Sirius was happy.Thus, Sirius decided that the wooing agenda must be taken to the next level. His new mission in life was to fluster Remus just as much as Remus flustered him. And by God, did Remus fluster him. Sometimes, it was a smile. Small and private when they caught each other's eyes during dinner. Those moments would leave Sirius breathless and otherwise choking on his pudding.Other times, it was something that Remus would share with him; something about his life, his family, or how he felt about a certain topic that would spark a long-winded discussion. They would speak well into the night, long after Remus performed his nightly Valet duties. Sirius cherished those nights, even if he was acutely aware of how physically close they were during these conversations.As long as Remus would allow him to, Sirius was determined to bring them closer.And not just emotionally.That’s why today was important for Sirius’ wooing plans.“Will you stay still?” Remus pleaded as he attempted to help Sirius with his kit. “You’re more jittery than normal today.”Sirius laughed, amused by Remus’ harassed expression. “I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, you don’t need to help me Remus. I can manage on my own.” Like every other time he’d said this, Sirius secretly hoped that Remus never stopped, because it meant they spent time alone together.Remus simply huffed as he tied Sirius’ riding boots.“I think you come help me because you want to see me.” Sirius winked at Remus when their eyes met. “Am I wrong?”“Stand up so I can put your coat on,” Remus ordered, but his stern tone was betrayed by the small grin that stretched across his lips.Sirius obeyed, because of course he did. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed it when Remus got a little bossy.“Why are you so anxious anyway?” Remus asked.“I’m just excited,” Sirius fought the urge to fidget as Remus finished dressing him. “This is my first time!”Sirius had never been able to participate in one of the Potters’ infamous archery tournaments, forbidden as he had been by his strict parents. He and Regulus both were more than a little excited to finally see what all the fuss was about.Sirius didn’t miss that Remus let his hand linger on his shoulder a little longer than what could be considered appropriate.*“You know, my mare is looking a bit tired today, maybe I should ride with you, Reg?” James proposed with a lopsided grin.All of the tournament guests and the Potters were mounting their horses, preparing to ride out to the fields together. Sirius and Regulus had been given their own horses a few days ago in preparation for when the season's games started.“In your dreams, Potter,” Regulus deadpanned. Sirius’ interests piqued as he watched the two of them banter and flirt. Yes, they were definitely flirting.“You know, your horse may feel more comfortable with me riding her with you,” James suggested with a shrug. “Since she’s new to you, but she knows me. I’m only suggesting it for the horse’s good, of course.”Regulus’ eyes narrowed. “Of course.”Sirius laughed and turned his attention to Remus, who was looking rather grey around the gills.“I don’t do horses,” Remus stated dryly.Sirius barked a laugh, “Yet you’re insisting on carrying my gear?”Remus opened his mouth as if to reply, but then snapped his jaw shut.“How about you ride with me?” Sirius suggested, attempting to school his tone from sounding too eager for the opportunity to be in forced proximity with Remus.“Fine, I suppose,” Remus relented, a little too quickly.Sirius helped Remus mount the horse first. Somehow, even with the rigorous military training that they’d both gone through, Remus still managed to move his limbs like a newborn baby giraffe.“How are you still so uncoordinated, Remus?” Peter sauntered up to them, laughing. “Can’t imagine how you fared in the war.” He handed James his bow and quiver.Sirius shot him a glare.“Oh bugger off,” Remus retorted with an eye roll.Sirius didn’t think Peter’s tone sounded too friendly, but if Remus was going to let the teasing roll off his shoulders, then Sirius wouldn’t interject. He didn’t let up on his glare, however, as he watched Peter scurry off to go assist other guests.“Well? Are you coming?” Sirius looked up to see Remus positioned and ready, the ends of his brown hair curling beneath his newsboy cap and haloed by the sun, hand outstretched.Sirius smiled, clasped his hand, and mounted.When they started to gallop, Remus immediately clutched onto Sirius’ waist. He was so distracted by the touch that Sirius almost missed James and Regulus trotting away—together on the same horse.It wasn’t a long ride, but it was enough to send Sirius into a panic. Remus was so close, his chest to Sirius’ back, warm and solid. Hands gripping his waist and long, nimble fingers digging into his skin. The touch burned hot, despite the chilly December air.Sirius tried to focus on the sound of hooves galloping on crunchy leaves to distract himself from the situation, to no avail.The thing is, when you ride a horse, gravity and physics work against you. Or at least, in Sirius’ case, he felt that the universe was taunting him, because the more they bounced, the closer Remus’ hips shifted involuntarily into his own. It was a cosmic joke, really.Never in his life did Sirius think he’d experience homoerotic horseback riding, but here he was.*Once all of the guests arrived at the tournament field, Effie explained the rules of the game. There were several stations set up spanning the fields. Each station had different targets, whether those be a standard board set to different distances, or a more tactical course with varying sizes of targets. There was a referee at each station to take scores. Once all participants moved through the stations, the total score would be calculated to determine winners.“Shall we start with the thirty yard?” Sirius asked as he handed the reins to a stableboy that had joined the group to watch the horses.Remus carefully dismounted, and even managed to hold onto Sirius’ bow and quiver as he did so. “I go where you go,” he answered, and Sirius’ breath hitched. Their eyes caught as the implication passed between them.Sirius clapped his hands. “Let's begin!”Remus handed him the bow. The maple wood was neatly polished and had the Potter family crest etched above the leather of the grip. It felt nice in Sirius’ hands, sturdy and sure.An arrow was handed to him next. “Right,” Sirius took a deep breath and stood in a wobbly stance. He fumbled nocking the arrow, struggling to line his fingers up correctly.“You—” Remus started, “What are you doing?”“I told you, this is my first time!” Sirius cried dramatically.And it was Sirius’ first time competing at the Potters’ archery tournament. The fact that Orion himself placed a bow and arrow in Sirius’ pudgy little hands practically the moment he could stand on his own was beside the point.Sirius flipped his hair over his shoulder and turned his gaze towards Remus. Puppy dog eyes were something that Sirius had perfected over the years. They never failed him.A sigh escaped Remus, but he relented and moved towards Sirius. “Ok, stand straight up.”Sirius spread his legs just so and straightened his stance ever so slightly. “Like this?” He asked innocently.“Here,” Remus pressed a hand to the small of his back. Success! “Just a little more, not too much though, you don’t want to be arching.”Sirius obeyed, fighting the urge to lean into the touch. “Now the arrow?”“Impatient,” Remus tsk’d. Sirius almost broke out into a sweat. There were certain tones that Remus used that affected Sirius in a… bodily way. Feelings that he tried not to think about too deeply.“Hold your fingers like this,” Remus demonstrated holding the arrow, “and then line it up with your left hand where you’re gripping right above your fingers.” Sirius let Remus move him into position. “Keep both eyes open when you aim.”Remus stepped back and Sirius let the arrow fly. It soared through the air, clearing the thirtyyards easily. He missed the target completely, startling some birds as it hit the bark of a nearby tree. Sirius laughed nervously and turned towards Remus for another arrow.“The wind must have taken it,” Sirius stated confidently.“Right…”They continued on like this, with Sirius struggling and Remus looking like he was about to burst a blood vessel. But as much as Remus huffed and puffed, Sirius never missed the mischievous twinkle in his eye, or how he jumped at any opportunity to touch him.“How are you so good at this?” Sirius eventually asked as they were moving between stations.“Well, I told you my family were groundskeepers here,” Remus started. “I used to help my dad set these tournaments up.”Sirius imagined a younger Remus, taller than any of his peers and just as uncoordinated as he still was now. Perhaps Remus’ father showed him the ins and outs, used it as a fun teaching opportunity. Would they celebrate with an ice-cold lemonade after a hard day's work? Is that what normal families with parents who loved their kids did?Sirius’ own archery lessons had always ended with little more than a disappointed sigh.“Your dad taught you how to shoot then?”“No, actually. Effie did.”Of course she did, the loving angel of a woman that she was.“My dad was a very strict man. All work, not much play,” Remus elaborated. “He wasn’t a bad man, but not all good men make good fathers.”Sirius nodded solemnly. “Sometimes I wonder if any of us ever make it out of childhood without scars from our parents.” Though, he knew for a fact that Effie and Monty did their absolute best to raise James to be a good man, and the proof was in the pudding.“Well, despite that, I think you turned out pretty well.” Remus offered a small smile.It was bloody ridiculous how easily Remus could throw Sirius off of his game. If there weren’t people all around them, Sirius considered he may have attempted to give Remus a sneaky kiss on the cheek. The question was, would Remus let him?“Do your parents still live here?” Sirius asked.Remus fidgeted with the strap of the quiver that he was still carrying. “No, they passed right before the draft.”The breeze blew gently between them, carrying with it the soft undertones of despondency. They’d stopped at the next station, and Sirius took a chance to glance at Remus.“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he spoke softly, unsure on how to approach such a situation.Pensive hazel eyes met his own.“Thank you.” Remus’ tone wasn’t sad, but thoughtful in nature. “You know, that’s the first time I’ve actually said it out loud to someone.”Sirius couldn’t stop himself. He reached out, laying a hand on Remus’ forearm in a show of comfort. “Remus…”“I’m okay, truly,” Remus reassured, and after a quick glance around, he placed his hand right on top of Sirius’. “I think, in their own ways, they’re still with me. I feel them here, in the wind, the grass… the soil of these grounds. They’re here.”An unexpected lump formed in Sirus’ throat that he struggled to swallow down. It was beautiful, the sentiment. Something like poetry and a sonnet mixed together in a cocktail with wisdom and knowledge, much like Remus himself. Sirius could spend the rest of his days listening to how Remus viewed the world and its hardships. The conversations that they’d shared barely scratched the surface of what Sirius knew he could learn from Remus.Moreso, Sirius would like to spend the rest of time getting to know Remus. Perhaps, falling more in love with him day by day.“I’m honoured that you felt comfortable enough to tell me, Remus.”Remus squeezed his hand.*Sirius continued to fake-fumble through the archery tournament, and by God’s grace, Remus continued to try and assist him. There was touching. A lot of touching. And the more Remus touched him, the more Sirius actually started not to be able to shoot an arrow correctly. While he would definitely not be taking home any prizes for this tournament, Sirius considered the whole situation a win regardless.Somehow, they managed to catch up with Regulus and James along the way.“You’re insufferable, Potter,” Reg’s unamused tone greeted Sirius and Remus as they made their way towards the two. “And despite all of your peacock-ery, I’m still beating you.”“You’re ahead by a single point!” James laughed and leaned in towards Regulus. Sirius’ eyes narrowed.“That’s about to change.” As if he’d planned that line for years, Regulus took stance and shot his arrow towards the one hundred yard target. He landed a dead-centred bullseye. Several took notice and cheered.James’ jaw was on the floor, mouth open wide. Sirius knew that look. Saw the longing there, the heat. It was kind of gross, if he was honest, considering he considered James his brother just as much as Regulus.“Careful Potter,” Reg sauntered over. “You’ll catch flies.”James’ mouth snapped shut.Remus laughed.Sirius pat James on the back knowingly.In the end, and despite Regulus’ best efforts, Effie won the archery tournament. Regulus came in second.Sirius came in last.“What an interesting showing, brother,” Regulus needled as he sauntered back over to James, Remus, and Sirius, flashing his respectable silver trophy.Sirius hoped his responding glare communicated just how dead Regulus would be if he let anything slip.The horse ride back to the house was much like the first time. Sirius tried to engage a wobbly Remus in conversation to avoid being overly aware of how they were pressed together again.Before the four of them parted ways once they were back at the house, James spoke. “How did you get so good at archery anyway, Reg?”“Don’t you dare,” Sirius telepathically threatened, absolutely staring daggers at his little brother.Regulus met his gaze straight on, cocked his head a bit.And grinned.Sirius despaired.Regulus shrugged in feigned nonchalance. “Our parents insisted we train in all games. Archery was among Sirius and my favourites.”“Wait, hold on,” Remus interjected, eyes narrowed. “Sirius practised archery?”“Well… Yes?” Regulus answered, eyes all wide and innocent-looking. Sirius thought it was horribly overdone. “Sirius always beat me. He used to compete in tournaments all ’round the country.” He batted his stupid eyelashes, smiled sweetly at Sirius. “He’s very skilled.”It wasn’t exactly how Sirius had hoped to receive an actual compliment from Regulus Black. But he’ll take it.Remus rounded on Sirius. “You!”Sirius threw his hands up. “Hey, I merely said it was my first time. That wasn’t a lie! I’ve never participated in this tournament before.” He winked and crossed his proverbial fingers, hoping Remus wouldn’t be mad.Remus, for his part, looked Sirius up and down, folded his arms over his chest, tilted his chin up.Tongued his cheek, and smirked.Sirius immediately felt heat ignite, strong and sudden, pinned under a gaze so naked in its intent. Raw desire, there, plain on Remus’ face. Desire for him.Sirius laughed, bright and full and utterly delighted.Then, like a giddy child, he ran, sprinting manically inside the house. And, when he glanced back, Remus was in close pursuit behind him.The sound of his own laughter and Remus’ accusatory shouts echoed off the walls for the next ten minutes.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
There was always a sort of hum around the house, the night of a party. It was something in the atmosphere, the possibilities that come with the darkness outside and the glowing lights inside. It felt a little like the walls were thrumming with magic.Remus didn’t consider himself a particularly whimsical person; he was rooted in logic and understanding, but even he couldn’t help but feel the effects of it all.After the conclusion of the archery tournament and ensuing tea service, Remus had time to quickly wash before joining the rest of the household in preparations. He’d finished everything downstairs, ensuring the kitchen staff all had what they needed and offering his help wherever he could. Now, it was time to head to the Black brothers’ bedrooms to help them get dressed and ready for the evenings’ festivities.He, as always, started with Regulus’ room, and was promptly sent away with a swat of the hand and a “I’m perfectly capable of tying a tie, Remus”, so he left the younger brother to it and made his way to Sirius’ bedroom.As was becoming a pattern, he paused outside before knocking, steadying himself for another night of pretending he wasn’t utterly enthralled by this man. Another night of convincing himself that with every word Sirius spoke, Remus wasn’t resisting all temptation to grab his face and kiss him like their lives depended on it.“Sirius?” He knocked, then opened the door by a crack. “Have you started getting dressed?”“Remus, come in, would you, I need your help.”Remus entered the room fully and then stopped in his tracks. Sirius was stood in front of his dresser, wearing nothing but a towel that was tied around his waist far too low to be considered appropriate.Remus swallowed. “Help?” His voice came out much too high-pitched. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Ahem… Help?”Sirius turned to him, tilted his head and ran a hand through his hair with a smirk. He knew what he was doing, the smug bastard.“Yes. I want to wear this shirt.”He held up a crisp, black shirt in front of Remus, then tugged it away and threw it on the bed. Remus moved over to pick it up and carefully place it down again to avoid it creasing.“Alright…” Remus replied. “What’s the problem?”“It’s missing the cufflinks I like to wear with it,” Sirius frowned.“Missing?”“Yes. Well, I think actually I left them in the library,” Sirius said.“In the library?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “Why would your cufflinks be in the library?”“What do you mean?”“What were you doing in the library to take off your cufflinks?”Sirius paused. “Um… Reading.”“...Right,” Remus nodded, amused.“Remus, I don’t judge your reading habits, I kindly ask you not to judge mine,” Sirius said with an air of snootiness. It was rather ruined by the fact he had to clutch his towel where he hadn’t tied the knot tight enough. “Would you mind terribly going down to see if you can find them for me?”Remus bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. “Sure. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”He left the room chuckling to himself, walking down to the library. He searched for ten minutes before finally deciding they were nowhere to be found.“You an errand boy now, Lupin?”Remus stopped short, turning around to see Peter leaning against the doorway, a sneer on his face.“If you’re asking me if I’m doing my job, Pettigrew, then the answer is yes.”Peter gave a low chuckle. “Sure, I bet it’s all strictly tasks in the job description with you two.”Remus’ heart thundered in his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”Peter acted as though he was inspecting his nails, looking bored. “I think we both know what it means. I wonder what the Potters would think if they knew the levels of depravity the Black brothers are capable of.”Without thinking, Remus stormed right up to the other man, got in his face and slammed a hand to the door frame, barely missing Peter’s head. He towered over him, and Peter knew it. “If I were you, Pettigrew,” Remus growled. “I’d keep my mouth shut about topics I’m not clever enough to comprehend.”Peter audibly gulped, trying hard to show he wasn’t shaking. “Whatever, Lupin.”He ducked out from under Remus’ arm and scurried off. Remus scoffed and carried on back to Sirius’ bedroom.He knocked again, entering without waiting for an answer and nearly tripped over his own feet.“What d’ya think, Remus?”Sirius stood in the middle of the room, dressed to perfection, the light of the moon shining on him like a spotlight. His outfit was stunning, sleek and elegant, just like him. His clothes were all black, with gold elements sparkling throughout. Including the supposedly missing cufflinks.“Remus?”Remus shook his head a little, realising he’d entered the room and not said a single word. Just stood and gaped at Sirius like a statue.“That’s my job.”Sirius blinked. “I–what?”“That’s my job. You did my job,” Remus reiterated. “I was supposed to help you get ready.”Sirius grinned. “Well, you snooze, you lose.”“I—I didn’t snooze,” Remus hissed. “I went on your phoney errand!”Sirius moved towards him. “Don’t you like it?”“What?”“My outfit,” Sirius replied. “Don’t you like it?”Remus swallowed. “You look… Yeah, I like it.”“Yeah?”“Yeah,” Remus said. He’d noticed that Sirius was still edging closer to him. Remus kept his feet firmly on the ground where he was standing, trying to keep things as professional as possible. “You look incredible.”Partly professional, then.“Do I?” Sirius moved closer still.“You always do.”Professional had clearly left the building entirely.“Do you like the shirt?” Sirius asked, close enough now that he had to look up at Remus to keep them eye to eye.“Yes,” Remus said quietly. His eyes snagged on one of the cufflinks Sirius was showing him. “You’ve missed the clip, hold on.”He lifted Sirius’ arm and fixed the cufflink with ease. He let go, and saw Sirius staring up at him, eyes darkened slightly.“Thank you,” Sirius whispered. “Remus, I–”“Yeah?”“I… Would you… Could we…”He trailed off and Remus watched as Sirius’ eyes darted down to his mouth and back up again. And that was it.“Fuck it,” Remus said, moving in to close the gap and pressing his lips against Sirius’.Sirius responded immediately, desperately wrapping his arms around Remus’ neck, leaning all the way into it.It was probably the only kiss that had been better than his very best kiss. Which, incidentally, was also with Sirius. Their first kiss. This felt different, though. It was desperate, just as their first had been, but it was more careful, more… well. Loving. There were more feelings going back and forth between them, floating around them like fireflies. Like something electric.Then, all at once, Remus’ senses came crashing back into him. He ripped his head away, backing against the door like he was trying to sink into the wood.“Fuck, Sirius, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t–”Sirius put his hand up. “Don’t, just…” And he leant forward in a rush, grabbing Remus by the back of his head and pulling him down to kiss him again.Remus was wrong, this kiss was better than the last. And the one before that. And their first. All of them. This was… everything. He put his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him in as close as he could.“Remus, you… I…” Sirius trailed off with a sigh as Remus planted kisses from his mouth to his jaw, to the top of his neck and back up, gently biting here and there as he went.The two of them were letting their hands roam, exploring one another as though this was their only opportunity. And perhaps it would be. If so, Remus was going to savour every last taste.But it didn’t feel like it would be.This felt like maybe it was the beginning of something.*After far, far too long getting each other hot and bothered, whispering things to one another between kisses and leaving marks for each other only they would ever know about, they managed to get Sirius dressed and ready for the party. Looking only slightly dishevelled.“After you, Sir,” Remus winked at him, holding the door open.“Pfft,” Sirius snorted. “Don’t start ‘Sir’-ing me now, Remus. We were playing tonsil tennis not five minutes ago.”“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Master Black.”“Alright,” Sirius laughed. “You had your hand down my–”“Anyway,” Remus interrupted. “You’re going to be late. Go on.”“Yes, Sir,” Remus grinned.Sirius looked at him, laughed, and surged forward for one last kiss before going through the door. Remus nearly stumbled back with the force of it. He closed the door behind them, following Sirius down the staircase.When they reached about halfway down, they noticed two people standing extremely close together, whispering conspiratorially in low voices, sharing secret smiles. Then, Remus realised who it was.“Reggie?!” Sirius half shouted. “James?!”“Finally,” Regulus said, calmly turning around to face his brother. “Where the hell have you been?”“What’re you both doing?” He asked.Remus just watched the exchange hiding his smile. James looked as though he’d just been caught doing something terrible; there may have even been sweat on his brow.“Shall we, er, head downstairs?” he asked.“Yes,” Sirius said through gritted teeth. “Let’s.”Regulus rolled his eyes, letting Sirius and James go down the stairs first. Remus caught up to Regulus on the stairs, and when they got to the bottom, he grinned at him, winking and wiggling his eyebrows.Regulus shot him the finger, but there was a small smirk in the corner of his mouth Remus didn’t miss.Feeling as though this was about to go down in history as one of the oddest nights of his life so far, Remus made to go down to the kitchens to grab a tray of hors d'oeuvres and help around the party, when someone grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. He whipped around and saw Sirius standing there, a soft smile on his face.“I wish you could come with me.”“Me too. I can’t speak to you properly when we’re in there,” he replied, nodding in the direction of where the guests had all congregated. “But I can look.”Sirius’ eyes lit up, and a light blush spread up his cheeks, leaving Remus feeling like he was walking on water. He squeezed Sirius’ hand quickly, then disappeared down the stairs to the kitchens, lighter than air.
Sirius
The adrenaline from the kiss was still buzzing through Sirius’ bloodstream when the party began. It was everything he’d ever wanted, and more. Familiar, and yet new in its context. The lowering of defences and acceptance of lighthearted happiness. The taste of coffee, with warm undertones of chocolate still lingered on his lips. Sirius never wanted it to fade.After weeks of the back and forth, Sirius and Remus were finally on the same page. A new chapter in what was surely to be an epic-novel-level love. A wonderful life.There was still fear there, fear of the hardships they may face if they were to be found out. Sirius never could quite grasp why society was so against love for all.Despite his devil-may-care attitude, there were limits to what Sirius was willing to risk, and his and Remus’ freedom and happiness weren’t one of them.But for now, they were finally facing what was between them, and it was lovely. Absolutely world-bending, breathtakingly lovely.“Well, don’t you look dashing!” James sidled up next to Sirius to greet guests as they entered the ballroom, transformed into a modern and swanky party venue. Gone were the heavy formal curtains, allowing the windows to be opened to let the night's moonlight cast into the room. All of the hand-stitched rugs were moved, displaying the dark marbled floors, vast and with enough space for guests to dance. Despite the room’s large size, there was minimal lighting, including electric chandeliers, candles, and sconces, all crystal, softly illuminating just enough to set the perfect mood for a party.Throughout the room, Remus, Marlene, Lily, and Peter were serving champagne on simple platters, which was traditional. What was new—and exciting in Sirius’ opinion—was a decently-sized long table in one corner, with food laid out between decor for a buffet-style experience. Poppy was behind the table, assisting guests in making their plates. The spread was incredible; small options like strawberry-and-cream tea sandwiches and chocolate biscuits were available, as well as dough-wrapped sausages and canapés. And then there were the cocktails. Mary was behind the makeshift bar, mixing and pouring the drinks as they were requested. The options were endless and guests were immediately attracted to the idea, queuing by the handful to try “Gin Rickeys” and “Old Fashioneds”, “Negronis” and “Continental Sours”.Simply put, The Potters had thoroughly outdone themselves on welcoming the new age of things.Walburga and Orion, with their bland and boring parties, had scoffed at such trends when they started to become popular years ago. Now, that was the past and Sirius was here with his brother, and his best friend, and the love of his life, and there were cocktails and sausages on sticks. He was elated.“Hush, you insufferable flirt,” Regulus admonishedJames as he joined him next to Sirius.James winked at Reg, which drew Sirius’ attention towards them. He’d almost forgotten that the two of them had been caught practically canoodling in the hallway, even though it’d happened just moments ago. Remus had a way of distracting him.“Oi,” Sirius interjected. “Are you two—”“Cas, hi!” James interrupted conveniently, waving over a stunning woman in a purple dress, which was strappy and adorned with white and gold beads that complimented her rich brown eyes and intricately braided black hair.“Sirius, Reg, this is my good friend Lady Dorcas Meadowes,” James introduced as Sirius and Reg shook Dorcas’ hand.“Pleasure to meet you,” Sirius smiled. “What a lovely dress you have!” He couldn’t help but exclaim the sentiment. Dorcas seemed the embodiment of young and trendy, beautiful and lush but without a pretentious air around her.“Oh thanks. I went to a seamstress who’s really into the new nightclub-style dresses. It’s probably the third one I own now. They’re so much more easy to dance in than a drab old gown,” Dorcas explained, waving her hand.“Wow, you look amazing, Cas!” Marlene exclaimed with a beaming smile as she offered them champagne. Sirius and Reg blinked, caught off guard, but James didn’t look surprised in the least. “I mean—” Marlene started. “Lady Meadows.” She coughed.Despite learning within the past few weeks that he was surrounded by those like himself, Sirius was still surprised at the blatant openness from the staff and friends of the Potters. It should comfort him, perhaps make him feel safe enough to divulge his own secrets about Remus, but there was still a wall there. Tall and strong, bricks stuck together with immovable concrete. He knew he had to move past it, but it seemed impossible at times.“Thank you, Marlene,” Dorcas’ tone changed completely. Where she’d introduced herself strong, confident, and independent to Sirius, James, and Reg, now she spoke softly, her eyes crinkled at the sides with adoration.Sirius declined champagne, and not because he wanted an excuse to go talk to Remus, who was also conveniently serving champagne. No, not at all.Reg and James accepted, each moving for the same glass atop the shiny platter. Their fingers brushed, and Regulus blushed so deeply red that Sirius almost remarked how he resembled a tomato freshly picked from the vine.Two more guests made their way over to the group. One in a beautiful white and silver gown, long but still fashionable without being stuffy. The other, in a crisp fitted suit, but with a white bowtie to match his companion.“Ah, Frank, Alice!” James bellowed happily. “Lovely to see you old chap.” He clapped Frank on the shoulder and the two exchanged grins.“I see you’re all in one piece, Potter,” Frank laughed and brought up his own hand, which was missing his pinky finger. “Can’t say the same for myself. Though I’m lucky it wasn’t more serious.”Sirius had heard of Frank, a commander of another battalion that was stationed miles away from his own. Though he’d never met Frank face to face, Sirius knew the man to be smart and cunning, but always respectable and ready to return home to his wife and young son.“Ah, Lord Frank Longbottom I presume,” Sirius spoke up and shook Frank’s hand. “I heard about you when we were all on the front. I assume this must be Lady Alice Longbottom, then?” He smiled.Alice returned his smile and nodded. “It’s good to meet you.”“Ah, sorry! Frank, Alice, this is Master Black and Master Black—Sirius and Regulus, if you please” James gestured. “And you already know Dorcas and of course, Miss Marlene.”Marlene offered champagne to the Longbottoms, who accepted with a grateful smile and nod each.The group of them settled into easy conversation, Marlene included. They talked of the war for only a few minutes, before moving to more cheery subjects like the rise of racing cars and jazz age music. Sirius shared that there would be a band there that night, which Alice seemed elated about. They spoke about Neville, Frank and Alice’s toddler who was now walking and happier than ever. The conversation flowed easily, and by the time the band started to play, Sirius’ spirit was light as a feather.This was what a party was meant to be like. Something to look forward to. Enjoying the company of friends, and family, dancing, laughing, and being overall filled with joy. The only thing that was missing, and it was not an insubstantial part, was being able to openly spend the time with Remus.Sirius sighed longingly as his eyes searched the crowd for the man in question. His man in question. When he spotted Remus, their gazes met and they shared a small, secret smile.“You look thirsty, brother,” Regulus murmured next to him, just loud enough to be heard over the band, but not loud enough for others to suspect anything. “Maybe you should go get a drink from him.” His brother nodded towards Remus, and the back of Sirius’ neck was suddenly flaming hot with embarrassment.Was he really that obvious?“Don’t be such a loser. Just go,” Regulus elbowed him. Sirius turned his eyes towards his little brother, nerves spiked high. Should they talk about this? Should Sirius deny something? Did Regulus even know that there was something going on, or was it simply a coincidence?But Regulus just met him with a small, knowing smile. One that Sirius recognized to be sincere, instead of filled with teasing sarcasm like his usual grins.Sirius nodded and made his way through the crowd towards Remus.“Those cufflinks were a good choice, even if you did make me run around the whole house for no reason,” Remus smiled, eyes warm.“Oh, there’s always a reason,” Sirius purred, moving closer to Remus under the guise of reaching for a champagne glass. “I’ve got to get you close to me somehow, don’t I?” He plastered his best, most charming smile on his face in hopes of winning Remus to his favour.“I don’t think you need excuses anymore… I always want to be close to you,” Remus whispered, sending a chill up the back of Sirius’ spine, making the fine hairs on his arms stand. “I need to go get some more champagne, down in the kitchens, where no one else is at the moment.”Sirius’ heart leapt into his throat. He could do no more than meet Remus’ dark gaze and nod in understanding.Remus moved from their spot, through an open door and off towards the kitchens. Sirius bit his tongue and stifled the urge to run after him like a man starved. He stayed by the door for a while, sipping champagne and pretending to listen to the band even though his mind was floating far above the clouds and solely focused on getting to Remus.When enough time passed since Remus left, Sirius slipped out and into the hall. Before he could make his way to the kitchens, though, long fingers wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back behind the open door. Sirius didn’t even get a chance to comprehend what was happening, suddenly he was being kissed with such ravenous passion that his knees buckled and threatened to give out on him.Even though Remus had all but admitted he was done hiding, done pretending like there was nothing between them, the proof was in his actions. It was in the way that he gripped Sirius’ hair, lovingly but firm, holding him in place for the kiss. It was in the way that their bodies pressed together, and Sirius could feel Remus’ erratic heartbeat desperately trying to sync up with his own. It was in the way that when they broke apart to breathe, Remus was smiling against Sirius’ lips, happy and content.“Wow,” Sirius whispered. “What’s gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining.” He moved his hands to Remus’ waist, trying to map out every curve and dip that he could.“I just...” Remus started, flushing minutely. “You are very handsome tonight.” Remus moved his fingers through Sirius’ hair, seemingly trying to slick it back again from where it had become mussed from their activities.Sirius grinned. “You are quite dashing yourself.” He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to the side of Remus’ soft lips. “One day, I’d like to see you in party attire.” He tugged gently at the lapel of Remus’ livery. “Though I do quite love you in this as well.”Remus returned the grin and ran his thumb across Sirius’ cheek. “One day.”“Ah, so this is what you’ve been up to,” a voice sounded from behind them, causing Sirius and Remus to jump apart in a panic. Sirius was ready to faint, or cry, or vomit, but by God’s saving grace, Andy and Ted were standing across from them. Still though, the fear did not subside completely.“Ah, we were just—” Sirius started, attempting to quell his trembling voice.“Stop, I’m only teasing,” Andy smiled softly, not an ounce of judgement or disappointment visible in her expression. “Sirius, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”Sirius relaxed slightly. He could feel Remus next to him, also tense but remaining calm.“No one knows,” he blurted out, then risked looking at Remus; Sirius didn’t want to hurt him with his statements. After all, they’d only briefly spoken about Sirius’ fears and his struggles to move past them. Remus did share that he had similar fears when they spoke about it, but they hadn’t dwelt on the topic for long. “I don’t want it to… stay like that forever,” he clarified, trying to convey his sincerity to Remus, who answered with a small, encouraging smile.Sirius turned back to Andy and Ted. “Eventually we’ll tell, it’s just…”Andy lifted a hand, stopping him. “My lips are sealed, love.” She smiled, and Ted nodded along with her.“Love is love,” Ted spoke up.Sirius was so relieved that he felt his eyes water. He knew, deep down, that Andy—and even Regulus—would not see him any differently once he came out to them. And now, Andy knew and Regulus maybe knew and everything was ok. There were no arguments, or screaming. The world hadn’t come crashing down. Not yet. And maybe it never would. Maybe.“Oh,” Andy suddenly said, voice pained. She reached for her belly, placing her hand and rubbing gently. “The baby has been active tonight. He’s been kicking so hard.” She tried to laugh, but it was obvious that she was uncomfortable.“Shall we go find somewhere to sit, my love?”“Yes, let’s.” Andy sighed and took Ted’s hand. “See you around, boys!”Sirius watched Andy go, a hint of worry welling up inside of him. When he turned back to Remus, he was met with a soft smile.“I’m sorry—” Sirius started immediately. “I shouldn’t have followed you out here–” but to his surprise, he was was cut off by a chaste kiss to his cheek.“Don’t be. We’ll figure it out,” Remus reassured. The tears that had threatened to form in Sirius’ eyes now threatened to fall past his cheeks. He was so grateful, so bloody grateful for the people in his life now. “Want to help me top up the champagne?” Remus asked, raising a challenging eyebrow in Sirius’ direction.“Hell yes,” Sirius beamed.As they trekked down to the kitchen, Sirius accidently let his hand drift closer to Remus’, brushing their pinkies together. The further they got into the house, and the less likely they were to run into anyone else, their fingers bumped closer together. Eventually, Sirius was grasping Remus’ hand carefully. It sent a thrill down his chest and into his belly; perhaps one day soon, they’d be able to do this in the company of their friends and family.“Would you wash these used glasses while I fetch clean ones?” Remus asked when they got to the empty kitchen.“What do I get in return?” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.Remus rolled his eyes so severely that it reminded Sirius of Regulus. No wonder the two of them seemed to get along so well. Several times now, Sirius had caught the two of them chatting and bantering, not to mention that Regulus was still getting cooking lessons down in the kitchens. After the totally normal and acceptable fire incident, Sirius had been relegated to “watching only” for at least the next month, according to Poppy.“What do you want?” Remus asked, one corner of his lips starting to lift in a grin.Sirius knew immediately what he wanted. “A dance.”When Remus started to frown, Sirius lifted a hand and placed it gently on his chest. “Right here in the kitchen, where it’s just us,” he smiled.Remus visibility relaxed, muscles easing underneath Sirius’ palm. “I think I can do that.”Sirius made sure the used champagne glasses were squeaky clean. If it meant getting to dance with Remus, he’d wash dishes for the rest of his life.Even though they were rooms away, the Hobgoblins could still be heard from the main ballroom. Just as Sirius finished up with the glasses, and Remus topped up new champagne, a familiar song started playing. If fate wasn’t real then Sirius would eat his own shoe, because the Hobgoblins started playing the song that Remus had quoted to him in this very kitchen just a couple of weeks ago.Sirius turned, and their eyes caught. There was a magnetism that drew them together, not just in the moment, but at all times. They gravitated towards each other, snapping together like two puzzle pieces. Remus placed a gentle hand to his waist, and took Sirius’ other hand within his own.The Hobgoblins crooned while Sirius and Remus shared a secret dance. They swayed, much too slow to keep up with the beat of the song, but it didn’t matter. It was perfect. The perfect moment.Sirius couldn’t even tell which one of them was leading; instead their bodies moved in sync, like gentle waves lapping against sandy beaches, the same peace and tranquillity borne by soft shores found here in Remus’ embrace.♪
With the roar of the fire, my heart rose to its feet
Like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat
Settle soft and as pure as snow
I fell in love with the fire long ago
♪Whether they face gunfire, or kitchen fires, Sirius fell in love with Remus all the same. There was no doubt there, no doubt in the tender swell of his heart anytime he thought about Remus, or the breath that stole from his lungs when they made eye contact. They could face anything together.Sirius moved in close, wrapping his arms around Remus’ neck. He couldn’t help but smile. Silly and joyful, so full of love and happiness that he felt like he might burst.“Who would have thought you were such a good dancer, Lupin?” Sirius teased lightly, bringing his face closer to Remus’ to touch their foreheads together.Remus chuckled. “I suspect you are helping me tremendously.” He tucked a stray hair behind Sirius’ ear. Even though Sirius had gelled his hair back in a fashionable style, their kiss earlier had caused irrevocable damage. “I never dance.”“Oh, I must be special then.”“That you are.”Sirius’ heart leapt wildly behind his ribcage. “So are you.”♪
So in awe, there I stood as you licked off the grain
Though I've handled the wood, I still worship the flame
Long as amber of ember glows
All the "would that I'd loved" is long ago
♪They were hardly dancing anymore, simply holding each other in a gentle sway. Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder and cherished his unusually quiet mind. Where he was usually chaotic and all over the place, Remus had a way of calming him. Of bringing him back to earth, steadying him on his own two feet.“I love this song,” Remus whispered as he rubbed gentle circles into Sirius’ hip bones with his thumbs.I love you, Sirius thought weekly in return.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Sirius swallowed and gathered up all of the courage he could muster in his body.“I love y—”“Sirius!” Lily burst into the room.Sirius and Remus both jumped and sprang apart at the interruption. Lily was red-faced and panicked.“Lily, what’s wrong?” Remus asked, concerned.“It’s Andromeda, come quick!” She ushered them out the door and sprinted out into the hall, heading for the main ballroom.Sirius was panicked as he moved behind Remus out of the kitchen. Just as he passed through the door to the main house, a door creaked open from the other side of the kitchen, causing Sirius to hesitate.The familiar face of Peter Pettigrew was peeking into the room.“Sirius?” Remus called.The sound of his name being called snapped Sirius’ attention back to more pressing matters than Peter being weird. Sirius picked up the pace and followed closely behind Lily and Remus.*“I’m fine, I just got a bit light headed!” Andromeda insisted as the Potters, Ted, Regulus and the staff assisted her out of the main ballroom and into a side room. Sirius, Remus, and Lily caught up to them in the hallway.“Andy, what’s going on?” Sirius asked.Regulus answered. “She fainted on the dance floor.”Andromeda sighed. “Everyone is being dramatic about it; honestly, I am fine.”“Please just sit and let us dote over you, love. You are with child after all,” Ted urged as he helped Andy sit down on a couch; Marlene rushed to hand her a glass of water.“Step aside please! The doctors are here,” Effie announced.Two older gentlemen made their way into the room, both dressed in party attire. Sirius thanked God above that the Potters were friends to so many people. Mary rushed in behind the two men, doctor’s bag in hand. “Here you are, sirs!” She handed the bag to one of the men.“Are you positive you haven’t had any other symptoms before today, Madam Tonks?” one of the doctors asked as he listened to her heart and breathing through a stethoscope. Sirius didn’t like the concerned look that crossed his face.“Nothing out of the ordinary of any woman who's pregnant,” Andy waved her hand dismissively.“Darling, please tell them,” Ted urged, taking one of Andy’s hands in his own as he sat next to her on the sofa.Andy looked towards her husband, her eyes visibly softening. She sighed and turned back towards the doctors. “Oh alright, just some headaches and shortness of breath; but I’m far enough along that I’m sure the baby is just pressing against my lungs.”The doctor with the stethoscope nodded and handed over the instrument to the other man. Two opinions were always better than one.“Any vision changes?” the second doctor asked as he too, listened to her heart and lungs.“Well, yes...” Andromeda paused. “But I assumed that was due to the head—Oh!” She cut off with a loud gasp, alarming everyone in the room. Sirius wanted nothing more than to press between the doctors and comfort his cousin, but he knew he had to stay back.“What is it, dear?” Ted asked, panic clear in his tone.But Andy did not answer. Her light grey eyes darkened and unfocused, as if she no longer was present in her own body. She groaned, loud and pained.“Andy?!” Sirius shouted.“Oh God, please help her!”“Andromeda, dear!”“Stay back, let me examine her further!”The panic in the room spread among them like wildfire as Andy started to become more vocal. Groans turned into shouts and screams that ripped through Sirius’ heart. Ted was beside himself, tears pouring down his face as he tried to snap Andy out of whatever was ailing her.“Someone get him out of here!” one of the doctors tried to say as he motioned towards Ted.“Absolutely not, I’m not leaving her,” he all but shouted, firm in his conviction.“It’s okay, Ted, no one will make you leave, just let them do their job,” Effie tried to comfort him.The two doctors were talking in hushed voices, seemingly arguing.“We don’t have time for this—” Regulus started.Sirius voiced his agreeance, desperate and concerned.“We are at a disagreement,” one doctor said. “I believe this could be preeclampsia and the only way we can give them both a chance is to perform a caesarean section.”“No,” The other doctor argued, “It’s too dangerous; if it’s not preeclampsia, which I do not believe it is, a caesarean section puts them both at great risk.”“And if it is, both of them will die if we do not at least try.”“Caesarean section, at this moment in time, will certainly kill the mother, if not both of them.”Die.Kill.The words flooded Sirius, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.He could not breathe because Andy and her unborn child might die.Andy, the only other Black relative besides Regulus who actually showed him kindness and decency.Andy, who’d broken away from her family, completely throwing her certain and wealthy future to the birds because she wanted to choose who she got to marry and love.She didn’t deserve this. She and Ted were good, and kind. They did not deserve this.“Why do you think this could be preeclampsia?” Ted demanded the first doctor.“She’s into labour early,” he started to explain. “And she described all of the symptoms of it. Headaches, vision changes, shortness of breath.”“But her lungs sound clear, if it were preeclampsia we would hear fluid in her lungs. And, I do believe that she would know her own body. She would know if something more serious was happening,” the other doctor interjected.“We might not hear fluid in her lungs yet; it’s possible that the condition has not progressed to that, but it could in a matter of hours during her labour,” the first man said. “And this is her first child, she does not know what she should be experiencing yet!”“I disagree.”“Your opinion is rubbish.”The other doctor looked towards Ted. “I believe we should deliver this baby naturally. It’s early, but the baby is coming whether we like it or not. She is already eight centimetres dilated. We must make a decision.”Sirius didn’t like the tone of the first doctor, and apparently neither did Ted.“No caesarean!” Ted swallowed. Effie placed a hand on his shoulder. “If there’s a better chance for them both to live… then no caesarean.” Even though he sounded sure of himself, Sirius didn’t miss the worry in his eyes. This would likely be the hardest decision that Ted would ever have to make.“I support you, Ted,” Monty nodded. Sirius, Regulus, and the others voiced their agreements.“We will get through this,” Effie chimed in. “She is in good hands, Ted.”The first doctor seemed to be holding back whatever he wanted to say, but when Monty shot the man a stern look, his shoulders relaxed.“Let us have a baby and pray for the well-being of both child, and mother,” the doctor said, defeated but evidently determined to do what Ted felt fit best. “I shall assist, if that’s alright with you.” He looked towards Ted.“Please save my wife and child,” Ted addressed both doctors. “I’m nothing without them.”Fate had already blessed Sirius that night, and it was all he could do but pray that God still favoured them all at this moment.Much to Sirius’ dismay, the men were ushered out of the room, all except Ted. Sirius, Regulus, James, Remus, and Monty stood outside waiting. Marlene, Mary, and Lily were all rushing back and forth out of the room, bringing blankets, warm water and any other supplies they needed.Monty, Regulus, and James were having a conversation about the party, presumably to keep their minds from dread. Sirius’ mind, however, was a whirlwind of horrible thoughts ranging from the cruelty of the world to threaten to take away someone so wonderful, to the idea that maybe somehow, someway, this was his own fault. Maybe God was angry with him, and was taking his rage out on one of Sirius’ loved ones. It was ludacris, but in a time of crisis, thoughts run rampant. All Sirius could do was pace nervously, chewing his nails to the bone, until Remus stopped him with a warm hand to his bicep.“It’s okay, Sirius,” Remus whispered and moved his hand down to wrap their fingers together, trying not to draw too much attention to themselves, lest the other men notice. “It’ll be okay.”A quick glance in the others ’direction told Sirius they weren’t paying any mind to the two of them currently. James and Monty weren’t even facing them at all.“Remus, I’m scared...” he whispered. With the admission came a lump in his throat that he had to swallow down. “What if... What if...” Sirius’ eyes glistened with tears that threatened to fall.“Shh,” Remus shushed him and squeezed his hand. “I’m here, love.”The tears did spill then. Remus pulled him into a tight embrace, whispering comforting words into his ear and petting his hair. It helped, because it was Remus, but the fear of losing Andy and the baby still threatened to engulf Sirius whole.“Please let them be okay,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ shoulder helplessly.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
Remus woke with a start.“Sorry,” Sirius whispered. “It’s over.”Remus sat up straighter, studying Sirius’ face. “Is she okay? The baby?”Sirius smiled. “Both fine. The baby is… Well, she’s beautiful. Healthy too, a proper young fighter. Regulus hasn’t stopped crying, of course, soft touch that he is.”A lone tear rolled down Sirius’ face.“And you? You were fine, I take it? Stiff upper lip of the Brits?”Sirius sniffed. “Precisely.”Remus reached up and wiped the tear. “Thought so. How are you feeling? You must be exhausted?”“I am. But I’m too happy to sleep. You, on the other hand, should go to your bed. I only woke you to tell you the good news and because your exceptionally long body looked awfully cramped in this little chair.”Remus had fallen asleep in the hall just outside the bedroom where Andy was delivering her new baby. He’d fought sleep for as long as he could, determined to stay awake and be there for Sirius. But some time after the sixth hour, he must’ve drifted off in the quiet hallway.He yawned. “No, I’ll be fine. I’ll go down and fetch some tea and toast for everybody. Is Andy asleep?”“Yes, she’ll be resting for quite some time I’d imagine. You don’t have to fetch us anything, I can go.”“Don’t be daft. It’s no trouble. Let me help. I want to look after you.”That last part had slipped out without Remus’ permission, but judging from the soft smile on Sirius’ face and the faint colour on his cheeks, it had been a good addition.“Alright.”“You feeling okay after it all? I know you got quite a fright. It must’ve been very difficult for you.”Sirius let out a breath he’d obviously been holding. “Yes. Just a little shaken up. And grateful. Very, very grateful.”Remus stood, stretching his long limbs out from an uncomfortable nap. “It’s a miracle. And it just goes to show, really.”“Hmm?”Remus stepped forward, cupping Sirius’ jaw with a gentle hand. “We must never take us for granted. Who knows what’s coming?”Sirius leaned into the touch, then brought his hand up to cover Remus’ and moved in closer. “I have to take one thing for granted. That I will love you until the last breath leaves my body.”Remus’ breath caught. He brought Sirius closer still, sneaking a quick glance at the door and the hall to make sure they were alone, and then rested his forehead against Sirius’.“I love you too.”They stayed like that for a while, just drinking each other in and feeling the magic of the moment, the little glimmer of hope that came after a fright. The prospect of new beginnings and opportunities they had yet to greet.“I’ll head down now.”“I’ll let them know.” Sirius nodded towards the door of the bedroom.Remus made it halfway down the stairs before he turned back and asked a question. “Oh, Sirius? What’s the baby’s name?”Sirius smiled. “Dora.”*“Did you hear the news?”Remus nearly dropped the hot kettle with the shock of hearing another voice in the kitchen. “Bloody hell, Regulus. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”“Please,” Regulus held up a hand. “No more medical emergencies today, thank you. I’ve had quite enough drama to last me the year.”Remus snorted. “Glad to hear you’re not making this all about you.”Regulus smirked. “So, did you hear?”“I did! Dora. A beautiful name for a tiny fighter.”“I rather think so too. A tad whimsical, but I suppose that’s Andy all over.”Remus threw a dish towel at him. “I hear you were stoic throughout.”“Of course,” Regulus frowned. “What use is it if everyone’s crying all the time? Sirius was a howling mess, of course.”“Of course,” Remus chuckled. “Hey, speaking of your brother…”“Oh good, it’s one of those talks.”“Regulus, please. I have to tell someone, and Lily isn’t awake yet.”Regulus rolled his eyes. “Oh, even better, I’m second choice.”Remus tutted. “That’s not what I meant. But fine, I’ll save it.”“No, go on. You might as well say it now,” Regulus said, eyes narrowed. He moved closer to Remus and began helping him prepare the tea tray. “Go on. What is it?”“Your brother… Sirius, he…” Remus swallowed. “He told me he loves me.”For a moment, Regulus didn’t react. Just carried on calmly arranging the tea cups and saucers.Then, he spoke.“About time, is it not?”“What?”“He’s been foaming at the mouth everytime he looks at you for the whole time we’ve been here. Of course he loves you. And you’re no better, come to think of it.”Remus let out an incredulous laugh. “Excuse me?”“You heard me,” Regulus shot him a sideways grin. “I’m happy for you. Maybe he’ll be less annoying with you wearing him out.”“I– sorry?” Remus choked on air.“With romantic walks along the grounds, Remus. What did you think I meant?”“Mhm, yes. That’s… Anyway. There it is. Now you know.”Remus picked up the tray, preparing to take it upstairs.“Look at your ridiculous smile. My brother’s disgusting, and you’re pathetic,” Regulus said, looking him up and down with a raised brow. But there was a quirk of humour on one side of his mouth. “I’m very happy for you both.”Remus smiled so wide he thought his face might crack. “Thanks, Regulus.”He started towards the stairs when Regulus spoke again. “Oh, and Remus?”“Yes?”“James and I are sleeping together.”The clatter of the tray and all of its teacups, saucers, and dishes falling to the floor was just about loud enough to drown out Regulus’ cackle, as he walked from the kitchen leaving Remus gaping after him in shock.
Sirius
Sirius flew on the high of their proclaimed love for days. Sure, he’d felt the love there for weeks, months even; back when they were in the trenches. But, love wasn’t allowed then, not when your life was on the line. Technically, their particular brand of love wasn’t allowed now either. They could both face imprisonment or worse, but locked away in this space with love and acceptance surrounding them, it was ok.One day, he’d work up the courage to tell James, Effie, Monty, and Reg. But, for now, he was happy to bask in the joy of love laid out on the table. No crush or rushed hook-up compared to this feeling, and to knowing it was requited.“So, Sirius, did you dance with anyone special at the party?” Regulus asked with a devious smile over breakfast one morning. Effie and Monty liked to invite anyone, even staff, to their table for any meal if they weren’t busy, and today they were joined by Lily, Mary, and Remus, plus Andy and Ted.It was a very full house.Sirius coughed on his scrambled eggs. Ever since the event, Regulus had been teasing him mercilessly. There was no way Reg knew about him and Remus, so Sirius had no idea what his darling brother's diabolical intentions were.“I—” He decided to be daring. “Well, I did dance with someone that caught my eye.” Remus glanced up from across the table. “Oh, is that so?” Andy offered an encouraging smile. Since the birth of Dora, Andy had been recovering wonderfully. Their little family was going back home today, now that Andy could safely travel.“How about you, dear brother?” Sirius shot to Regulus, hoping to curb the conversation. Regulus only rolled his eyes, but Sirius didn’t miss him fidgeting with his fork.“I enjoyed the canapés,” Regulus answered, completely ignoring the actual question.“Mary and I spent a lot of time on those. It was fun!” Lily smiled softly at Mary.“Yes, I think we should make canapés more often,” Mary laughed. Lily flushed. Sirius blinked in confusion.“It’s too bad you can’t stay for the fair today,” Effie spoke to Andy and Ted. “I hear they’re going to have quite a few rides there.”Ted hummed, “Andy would if she were fully recovered, to be sure. I, however, am not brave enough to attempt those mechanical monsters.”“You and me both,” Remus murmured.“Really? I’m most excited for the rides!” James exclaimed.Sirius voiced his agreement, “The rides are the best part!”“Lily and I are going to go. I think Marlene may be going too, but she won’t tell us who she’s meeting up with,” Mary pouted. Effie smiled fondly.“Reg, do you want to go?” James asked hopefully.“If I must.” Regulus sighed dramatically, but Sirius knew deep down that he was excited for the fair, or more accurately, the ice cream there.Sirius looked towards Remus, a small questioning smile stretched across his lips. Remus returned the sentiment. “I do enjoy the candied apples.”“Wonderful!” James exclaimed. “It’s a triple date then!”No one responded, instead deciding to take bites of their food in panic.Effie giggled.*The fair was being held right next to the Potter's property, so the walk there wasn't far. It was a chilly winter day, and the season's first snow flurries twinkled in the air. Sirius badly craved to reach for Remus’ hand, but they were walking with James and Reg and, well, he never liked the term coward, but if the shoe fit…Remus reached out and brushed their pinkies together.“I've been reading in the paper about a tilt-a-whorl,” James exclaimed. “They've been around for a while but I've never been on one.”“I don't do spinning things, Potter,” Reg stated dryly.“Unless you want this morning’s breakfast all over your lap,” Sirius snickered. Regulus always did have a weak stomach.“Shut up, I still remember when you cried on the Ferris wheel that one time we snuck to the fair,” Regulus snapped back.Remus and James both laughed in surprise, turning towards Sirius.“Please, I was five, a mere child!” Sirius defended himself.“Add ten years to that, brother.”James doubled over in hysterics.“He's lying.” Sirius narrowed his eyes at Regulus.“Of course he is, darling,” Remus said quietly. The term of endearment made Sirius' heart warm, even in the cold December air.The fair itself wasn't a very large one, only spanning a few acres of land. But it was packed full of games, small stages for shows, a petting zoo, and a few rides including a Ferris wheel and tilt-a-whorl.“I would like to pet the goats,” Regulus declared firmly when they stopped to decide what to do first.Everyone turned their curious gazes towards him.“Shut up,” Reg glared at all of them, challenging them to question him.“Goats it is then,” James nodded.“I want to go play a game. Shall we part ways?” Sirius asked. He loved James and Reg, but the opportunity to spend time with Remus, alone but in public, was a thrilling one. It was like a true date, certainly their first real one.After Reg and James made their way towards the petting zoo, Sirius turned to Remus.Remus crossed his arms over his chest. “You know this only counts as a date if you win me a stuffed prize at one of the games.”Sirius laughed, surprised, “Is that so, Lupin? That seems like rather a high price.”“Only the best for me, my sweet,” Remus winked.“By God, do I love you.”The first game they tried involved throwing suspiciously large balls into even more suspiciously small holes, laid out in a triangle of ten. The top hole was the smallest, and worth the most points towards prizes.Sirius was a good shot, always had been, but as it turned out arrows and rifles were a different kind of dexterity because he was absolutely dreadful at hoops. He was given five balls and he only landed one of them through the bottom tier of holes.“Atta boy!” The game host bellowed. “That'll be 10 points to you my good sir!”Sirius lit up. “Wonderful! What can I get for 10 points?”The game host handed Sirius a small wrapped lollipop.“Oh,” Remus snorted and covered his mouth, attempting to hold back a laugh.“Don't worry, there's still time to get you that stuffed prize, Lupin,” Sirius' eyes narrowed in defiance.“Indeed,” Remus couldn't hold back the chuckle anymore. “Shall I try my hand then?”“Please! It's a lot harder than it looks, trust me,” Sirius tutted.They paid the fare, and then Remus was presented with his balls. With perfect precision, Remus landed the first ball right through the top hoop.“Blasphemy!” Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up.The next four balls found hoops, going clear through each one.“Outstanding!” The game host shouted. “Two-hundred and twenty points points to you, fellow!”“What?! Those maths don’t even make sense!” Sirius exclaimed.The game host shot him a dirty look, causing Sirius to snap his mouth shut.“With those points, you can choose anything in the cart!”Remus brought his thumb and forefinger to his chin in contemplation. “How about the flower crown?”“You got it!”The crown itself was actually quite beautiful, for being offered at a fair. It was crafted with the few but stunning flowers that were in bloom this time of year.Sirius and Remus moved from the booth and found themselves in a slightly secluded area behind a large storage cart.“So, who's the crown for?” Sirius asked curiously. “Lily, I presume?” He knew that Remus and Lily were close, often seeing them trade teasing quips and passing books back and forth.“Actually...” Remus looked around, then brought the flower crown up and set it gently atop Sirius’ head. He adjusted it carefully, moving a few pieces of long black hair back and forth until he was satisfied. “I rather thought the flowers would bring out your eyes.”Sirius was left stunned, his heart in his throat, his stomach filled with butterflies. With one last glance to make sure they were alone, Remus stepped closer, and Sirius felt that familiar electricity sparking at his fingertips, urging him to reach forward.They met in the middle, with Remus tilting Sirius' chin up just so. And when they came together, warmth exploded within him, his tortured heart beating.There was so much more of a risk here. A chance they may be caught. But with that came excitement and adrenaline. Coaxing the kiss into something a little more. A little closer, a little more desperate.There was a longing there, one to which Sirius wasn't new, but was so very welcome.Up to now, they hadn't done too much more than kissing and some heavy petting. Every time they'd get started, something would happen. One of them would cave to the fear of getting caught, or they'd be interrupted unexpectedly.Unfortunately, now was one of those times. They couldn't well conduct any shenanigans here at the fair.“Later?” Remus whispered against his lips.“God, yes please.” Sirius was out of breath.Before they made their way out from behind the cart, Sirius adjusted his crown.“Don't worry, you look very princely,” Remus reassured.Sirius flushed.Somehow, they ended up at the Ferris wheel. Sirius was most excited by the prospect of sitting so close to Remus.“Don't worry, I brought my handkerchief.” Remus elbowed him teasingly while they waited in line to get on. “You know… just in case of the...” He drew his finger from his eye and down his cheek, indicating a shed tear.“Oh not you too, you absolutely menace!” Sirius feigned anger, but couldn't hold back his surprised, barking laugh.When they boarded and reached the top of the wheel, Sirius reached out and clutched Remus’ hand firmly. “Remus…” He whispered, searching for the words that could explain how profound he’d been feeling lately. How happy he was, how relieved and grateful.The sun was setting below the trees, casting the light snow that dusted the grounds in its soft oranges and pinks. It was beautiful, and when Remus’ eyes met his, hazel to grey, all of the breath left his body. Almost like when the untrained eye saw a Monet for the first time and was awestruck by the beauty and essence of the art. That’s what Remus was, he was art. Stunning and captivating, sometimes rough around the edges and imperfect in the most perfect way.Tears threatened to gather in Sirius’ eyes as he opened himself to the emotions that he felt. How lucky he was to have this man, and to have this life. To have the Potters, and his brother. To have survived the war when so many good people did not.Remus’ eyebrows scrunched together in worry at first, but quickly his face softened and he squeezed Sirius’ hand. “I know, love. I know.”Somehow, Sirius found himself crying on a Ferris wheel for the second time in his life.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
“He’s crazy.”“Why? I think it would be great fun!”“Of course you would,” Remus sighed, rubbing his temples. “It’s a terrible idea. First of all, it’s illegal, second of all–”“Do you want to go?”Both Remus and Lily turned to look at Regulus.“Well?” He raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Do you? Why am I even asking, of course you do.”“That’s not the point. It’s still a terrible idea. How would we even, what if something happened?”“Like what?” Lily asked. “Like you have a fabulous night of dancing and drinking and kissing down alleyways? God forbid.”Regulus snorted. “She has a point. Don’t be a bore all your life.”“I can’t believe you, of all people, are encouraging this.”Sirius had proposed the idea to Remus the night they’d gotten back from the fair.
“Let’s go out. Properly out.”
“Out where?” Remus had asked.
“To a club! One of those clubs, you know the sort. Full of people like us!”
“People like… us?”
“You know. Men who… Men who like other men.”
And Remus could admit that it was tempting. To go out and be surrounded by people who wouldn’t judge them, wouldn’t be monitoring their every interaction for anything that looked a little too close to something romantic.“Well, you’re right, it is a terrible idea,” Regulus replied.“See!” Remus slapped his knees with his hands.“But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be fun.”“Exactly!” Lily cried. “Go on, Lupin. Live a little. What’s the worst that could happen?”*“Alright.”Sirius jumped. “Bloody hell, Remus, where did you come from?”Remus smirked. He’d crept up on Sirius in the library. No one else was around, so it seemed the perfect moment to sneak in a conversation about their plans.“The kitchen. I saw you up here on your own and thought I’d tell you yes.”“Yes?” Sirius blinked. “Oh, you mean… Yes? About–” He lowered his voice, which was ridiculous seeing as they were the only two people in the massive room. “Going out?”“If you make me say it one more time then I’m going to change my mind,” Remus said, nudging him. “But yes. Let’s go. Let’s do it.”Sirius’ eyes glistened with mischief in that way only his could. It was endearing, electrifying and absolutely terrifying all at once. “Amazing. I knew you’d say yes eventually. Can’t resist me for too long, can you?”Remus tutted, but leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “When do you want to go?”“Have you got plans tonight?”“I– tonight?!”“Yes. Why, got other engagements? Something more enticing calling you?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows.“Wait, do you know of a place?” Remus baulked, already having doubts about the whole thing.“I do. James and I were speaking about it the other day.”“James knows?!”Sirius scoffed. “Of course he knows. He knows everything about everything.”A strangled sound left Remus’ throat. “Everything?”“I– No, not that, for Christ’s sake. A gentleman doesn’t fumble and tell.”“Oh my God.”“No, but you know James. He has his finger on the pulse, that chap. Knows a thing or two about the big bad world.”Remus privately wondered how much James did know, considering what he now knew about James and Regulus’ relationship. Or whatever it was between them. He’d weighed up the pros and cons of coming clean to Sirius about what he knew of James and his brother, but quickly came to the conclusion that Regulus deserved to be the one to tell his brother if and when he was ready. And although he hadn’t said as much at the time, Remus suspected that Regulus was trusting him with his secret, regardless of how flippantly he delivered it.“So,” Remus cleared his throat. “How will this work, exactly?”The plan was simple enough. Apparently, Sirius had casually floated the idea to James already, who had said he was quite keen on giving it a look for himself. Knowing what he knew now, Remus wasn’t overly surprised. Regulus had sneered at the idea but hadn’t rejected it completely, which was as good as an enthusiastic agreement as he would likely give. And so, it was decided that after dinner, they would feign being tired from the day and head up to “bed”. Then, they’d sneak to the kitchens and leave from the back door, where James would drive the motor to the city and park it somewhere discreetly.“Let me put a little something on your face, Remus. Give your cheeks a little colour or something,” Mary said. Lily nodded in agreement.“Yes, go on. How often is it you go for a night on the town?”“Absolutely not. This whole thing is risky enough without me looking like a painted clown on the streets of the city, for goodness’ sake,” Remus grumbled.“Alright, no rouge. But let me straighten your outfit at least, Lupin,” Lily said, not giving him a choice as she yanked him up from where Mary had been taming his curls into something presentable at the kitchen table.“Ouch!” He yelped as he lost a few strands of his hair in the tussle.“Shut it. Listen,” Lily said, tongue pointing out the corner of her mouth as she straightened out his shirt. “I want all the details. Don’t you dare leave out a thing. I want every, sordid, filthy little–”“Remus?”The three of them jumped as Sirius’ whisper bounced off the walls.“In here,” Remus replied. Lily and Mary looked at Sirius with grins that were about as far from subtle as could be.“Hello, Sirius!” They both said in high-pitched voices.“Ladies,” Sirius smirked. “You look…” Sirius broke off mid-sentence as his eyes landed on Remus.“I–” Remus cleared his throat and walked over towards Sirius. He looked at him for a moment, tilting his head as he drank in the sight before him. Sirius looked beautiful all of the time, as far as Remus was concerned. He was quite sure most people would agree with that fact. But now, specifically, he looked like the most incredible creature to walk the planet. So, instead of trying to find the words, Remus simply grabbed his face with both hands, and kissed him firmly on the mouth.He heard the girls both gasp and giggle behind him, but he couldn’t care less. If anything, Remus deepened the kiss at the sound of Sirius’ intake of breath and the feeling of him opening his mouth for Remus to take what he wanted.They broke apart at the sound of footsteps, and saw James and Regulus making their way towards them.“Well, chaps, are we ready?” James grinned.“Let’s get this over with before I change my mind,” Regulus sighed.Sirius turned to Remus. “Shall we?” He raised his eyebrows.Remus smiled in return. “Let’s.”*They parked the car in an alleyway away from any street lamps and prying eyes, and then walked quickly to the venue. After knocking on a hidden door, they were admitted entry by a man with a large hat and hard eyes, no words exchanged between any of them.When they walked inside, there was a neon sign that read “Moon Bar” on the wall above a staircase, and the lights made everything look a dark sort of blue. There were paintings and photographs on the walls, all of men, and all four of them couldn’t help but let their eyes snag on each and every one as they walked through slowly.Remus blew a breath out when they descended some stairs and made it to the bar, finally. Whether it was nerves or relief, he wasn’t sure, but it all stopped abruptly when he got a proper look at the place. It wasn’t a large club, barely even a bar, in fact. But it was decadent and glamorous, and absolutely filled to the brim with people. All men, all shapes, sizes, and appearances, from all walks of life it seemed.James grabbed Regulus by the hand and dragged him to the bar immediately, leaving Remus and Sirius watching as Regulus turned back to them with a sly smile, happily letting James pull him along.“I… Am I… missing something?” Sirius asked slowly, his head turned towards Remus but his eyes fixed on James and his brother.“Probably,” Remus leaned into him slightly, nudging him with his shoulder. “Well. Shall we?”“Hmm?” Sirius finally looked at him.“Shall we get a drink?”“Yes, alright, good idea. You grab the drinks… I’ll grab my brother.”Remus rolled his eyes, following James’ example and grabbing his man by the hand before leading him through the crowd.His man. He liked that thought. In fact, he loved it.
Sirius
“You’re dense.” Regulus rolled his eyes as they stood around a cocktail table, waiting for Remus to return with drinks.Okay, the thing is… Sirius might be a little bit dense. At the very least, he had been so distracted by Remus' and his relationship that he’d only picked up on small hints from James and his brother about what was going on between them.“I knew that James was going to come and that you might but I didn’t know that you two were coming together,” Sirius wailed, flailing his hands around for dramatic effect. Sure, the four of them had ridden in the same car here, but it wasn’t until Sirius noticed them holding hands at the bar that he realised there was definitely something going on between them.James looked green around the gills with worry, and Sirius understood why. They’d never talked about this before. About the possibility that James was interested in Regulus. The two of them typically had no secrets, but this was complicated in nature.Sirius blinked, and then it all made sense. The stolen glances between the two of them, the fond smiles and quips, the way they’d both disappear at the same time. It was akin to him and Remus, really.And it was…. Well, it was…“Brilliant,” Sirius smiled wide. “Absolutely brilliant!” What could be better than his brother and his other brother hooking up? Well, perhaps not in that way, but the sentiment was there all the same. Sirius’ heart was already filled with so much love, and this was the cherry on top.James’ shoulders relaxed slightly, “You’re not... Cross with us?” he asked, voice hesitant.“Blimey, no!” Sirius exclaimed. “We’re all one big family.”Smiles stretched across James’, Regulus’, and Remus’ faces.Sirius glanced at Remus, who’d returned with drinks in hand, then back to James. “While we’re on the subject, well… I suppose I should tell you…”“He already knows.” Regulus rolled his eyes again.Sirius blanched. “Pray tell, how?”“I told him.”“He told me.”Sirius stared, dumbstruck.“I had no idea really,” James offered. “But then I just saw that you and Remus both seemed more chipper than usual, and I was talking about it and well, Reg just told me.”“You bloody cad, how dare you?” Sirius accused Regulus.“Well, you were taking your sweet time and I was annoyed with you that day, so,” Regulus shrugged.Remus snorted.“I told Reg.”Sirius turned towards Remus, aghast.Remus just smiled innocently and gave him the gentlest of kisses to the side of his lips. Right in front of James and Regulus and everyone at the bar and it was... Magical.Sirius forgot all of his qualms at that moment.“C’mon, I want to dance,” James smiled at Reg.“I need a drink before you’re getting me on that dance floor, Potter.”Remus handed Reg one of the four drinks he’d been managing to carry.Regulus and Remus stuck with their traditional drinks, but Remus managed to bring Sirius and James both something called a Sidecar.“Look at us!” Sirius lifted his interestingly orangedrink to his lips. There was a mix of flavours including cognac, orange liqueur, and lemon juice along with sugar around the rim. It was incredible. “We’re so avant-garde!” He winked to James, who clinked their glasses together.“Just two chaps that have tossed out the old ways. May as well call us flappers!” James shouted.Regulus choked on his whiskey neat. “Please don’t ever say that again.”Remus laughed.In this place, there was no judgement. Couples danced close together, bodies pressed against each other with no hesitation. People shared kisses, hugs, and smiles without having to keep a look out over their shoulder. The atmosphere was light, as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of each patron's shoulders.“Shall we dance?” Remus placed his hand on Sirius’ hip.“Oh, you’re actually offering?” Sirius teased. Dancing wasn’t one of Remus’ favourite pastimes, but if there ever was a time to dance, now would be it.“Anything for you.” It was just over a whisper, but Sirius heard it all the same. His attention was fully tuned into Remus.The first song that played when they danced was a fast one. One that didn’t allow them to be especially close, but did allow Sirius to teach Remus how to do the Foxtrot. Remus was clearly uncomfortable in his long, lanky body as his legs flailed helplessly in an attempt to keep up with Sirius, who was leading.Sirius could not love this man any more than he already did. How Remus could be so coordinated sometimes, and then so dreadfully uncoordinated in the next moment was beyond him.“There you go, you’ve got it!” Sirius picked up the pace as they spun wildly around the dancefloor to the quick-tempo beat.“I feel like a distressed octopus,” Remus shouted over the music.“A sexy distressed octopus!” Sirius laughed, tears springing to his eyes in delight. He pulled Remus in closer, one hand between his bony shoulder blades, the other held out in gentlemanly fashion, attempting to help steer him more firmly to the rhythm. “My sexy distressed octopus.”He grinned.Remus seemed to relax under his touch. “Is that so?”“Oh, yes,” Sirius pulled him in for a kiss, unabashed and unworried about the consequences in this place. The kiss wasn’t hesitant or shy. It was laced with a deep-seated want, something so raw that it threatened to eat Sirius up if he couldn’t get closer.The physical tension between them had been growing for months now, and in this place, where they could freely be, it was almost overwhelming.“Sirius,” Remus pulled away, and the look he gave Sirius was dark and pleading. Desperate in nature.Sirius took Remus’ hand in his and led them off of the dance floor, almost tripping in his rush to find somewhere private. Any inhibitions he may previously have had were long gone now, dust in the wind. Sirius was on fire, and he intended to bring them both to ashes.The lavatory in the establishment was blissfully empty when they stumbled into it, slamming and locking the door behind them. The press of lips became frantic as they took turns exploring each other’s bodies. Sirius ran his hands up Remus’ chest, pushing away his jacket as he went. Despite Remus being lanky, his chest and stomach had definition from the chores that he used to do on the grounds.Sirius unbuttoned Remus’ shirt with expert fingers, exposing his warm skin, begging to be explored. Each dip and plane, imperfection and perfection, Sirius cherished. “You’re so lovely,” he whispered against Remus’ neck, and Sirius felt a tremble against his lips.“You’re such a flirt,” Remus breathed, his hands moving to relieve Sirius of his own jacket.This wasn’t the time or place for them to get completely undressed, but the need to feel at least some sort of skin-to-skin contact was urgent.“Only for you.” Sirius pressed his lips to the pulse point of Remus’ neck as he moved his hands down, running his fingers against the light dusting of hair leading to his trousers. “Everything changed when I met you.”Remus tilted his head back with a sigh, allowing Sirius time to explore him. “I changed when I met you.”“Me too.”They kissed again, and didn’t break apart until Sirius unbuckled Remus’ belt and snuck his hand inside.There was no denying the want that he found there, hot and heavy in his grip.Sirius would have been perfectly happy to bask in Remus’ pleasure and forgo his own, but Remus had other plans: before he knew it, Remus had expertly undone Sirius’ trousers and reached in, returning Sirius’ blistering touch with gentle strokes.Tandem gasps filled the cramped space, asRemus managed to grasp them both in one large hand.“I love you,” Sirius moaned, voice strained and heart light.“I love you,” Remus answered.And even though Sirius was the one determined to set them both on fire, Remus was the one who brought them to completion in the ashes of their passion.*The night went on, and Sirius never wanted it to end. He was filled with love for Remus, his brother, and James. They laughed, drank, and enjoyed each other’s company. Eventually, he and Remus ended up back on the dance floor.Remus was tense again, but when the music transitioned to a slow love song, his shoulders sagged with relief. Before Sirius knew it, he was being swept into the long arms of the man he loved.“This is so much easier than those faster ones.”Sirius hummed and wrapped his own arms around Remus. They danced contentedly, basking in each other’s hold. Sirius breathed in Remus and breathed out happiness. They followed the music easily, but eventually, Sirius found himself drowning in Remus’ eyes and losing all sense of a beat. Remus seemed to feel the same, because by the time the song changed, they were simply swaying back and forth, lost in each other.“Remus,” Sirius whispered. “How do you think the Potters would react—you know—if we told them about us?” He’d never lied to Effie and Monty before, and he hated doing it now. Even though Sirius hadn’t outright told them that nothing was going on between him and Remus, it felt like lying nonetheless. But so much rode on Effie and Monty for Sirius and Remus both. A life, a job, a roof over their heads, a future…Remus took so long to answer that Sirius almost thought he hadn’t heard his question. Eventually though, he spoke. “My heart tells me that there would be no problem at all. They’re so kind and loving…” He trailed off, and Sirius swallowed, anxious of the inevitable but that would come.“It’s just complicated, isn’t it?” Remus continued. “It’s hard to overcome the fear of the miniscule ‘what if’.” He seemed sad, as if the admission may somehow make Sirius question his devotion.“I know, I feel the same way,” Sirius came back quickly, hoping to quell any worry that Remus may have. “I love you, Remus. So, so much. God, the thought of losing you just…”“I can’t even speak of it.” Remus frowned. “Even so… I do think we should tell—”“THE BOBBIES ARE COMING, EVERYONE CLEAR OUT!”Time stopped for just a moment as all of the bar lights flipped back on. Remus and Sirius’ eyes connected, panicked. Then, everything happened all at once. People were screaming and running, tripping over themselves to get out. Glass shattered against the floor, spilling shards and bright cocktails, making everything slippery and impossible to run on.The police rushed into the establishment, brandishing batons and knocking over tables and chairs. The first crack of a baton against the back of a man sent Sirius into a spiral.“Sirius we have to GO!” Remus shouted at him, “I just saw James and Reg go out the back, c’mon!”Remus pulled him by the hand, rushing towards an exit that was flooded by others trying to escape. The police were gaining on them. Sirius pushed forward with Remus, trying to escape, but the reality was… They wouldn’t both make it out of this. There were too many people, too many police…Clarity struck him, almost peaceful in its resolve. Sirius shook himself free of Remus, having made up his mind.“Sirius!”He couldn’t let them get Remus.Remus would face the harshest punishments.Sirius couldn’t let Remus suffer.“Go Remus, get out!” He shouted. “I’ll buy you time!” Sirius backed up, slowly raising his hands. The look of horror on Remus’ face almost brought him to his knees.“I’m not going without you!”“I have a better chance of making it out of jail, Remus. Please, go.” Sirius pleaded, but before Remus could make a decision, he was being shoved through the exit by other patrons. The shout of his name from Remus’ lips was the last thing he heard before Sirius turned around.“Oi, I know you know me!” He shouted, and it worked. The police turned towards him, surprise clear as day on their faces. Walburga, Orion, and their sons were known in this community. This would be the biggest news to hit the papers since the end of the war.And all of the fear that Sirius had had about this very moment bled from his veins, because at least Remus got away. James and Reg got away.Sirius would throw himself on the sword a million times over for the ones he loved.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
He’d lost them. He ran out of the back exit of the club, running towards where he was sure the car was parked, he was certain of it. But he must’ve been wrong, or perhaps James had fled with Regulus, because it wasn’t there. The streets were thick with the fog of fear and regret and desperation, but there was no sound of his friends anywhere. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of Sirius yet.He needed a plan. He’d figure out a way to get Sirius out of jail. Sirius couldn’t spend the rest of his life behind bars. The rest of their lives.So, he ran. He ran all the way back to the Manor, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he thought it might burst through the buttons of his shirt. His legs were screaming with effort, his breath so heavy the sound rang in his ears. But he made it.He got to the kitchen door and shoved it open with the little force he had left, his body thrumming on pure adrenaline.When he got in, James, Reg, and Lily were all sitting around the table, drinking tea and looking shell shocked. Remus had only ever seen this type of look on soldiers from the front, 'shell shocked,' was what they called it. They stood as he burst through the door.James was the first to him, clutching Remus by the shoulders, closely followed by Regulus who looked suddenly younger somehow.“Where’s Sirius? Are you alright? How did you get back, Remus?” James asked.He couldn’t find the words. He tried, and failed, desperately trying to muster up the courage to tell James, to tell Regulus, that Sirius had sacrificed himself to the police for their own good.“Remus, what happened?” James asked again.But Remus could only look at Reg. He looked into his eyes, trying desperately to bring all of the emotions lodged in his throat to his brain, so that they would somehow find their way out in words.Regulus paled. “James.”James looked between Remus and Regulus, then stepped back.“No.”“James,” Regulus said again, a hint of something urgent, something scared in his voice.“I—”“Is he there? He’s still there?” Regulus asked, as James ran a hand down his face, holding it over his mouth.“He got their attention,” Remus replied. “The police. He got their attention so that I could run, I told him I wouldn’t, I didn’t want to, I said I wouldn’t leave him but he–”“Oh, I believe you,” James said. “Stupid fool, he’s too noble for his own good sometimes.”“What are we… Did he get arrested, Remus?” Regulus asked quietly.Remus went to reply but Lily beat him to it. “He will have been taken to the station by now, we should try and get someone there as quickly as possible.” Remus hadn’t even noticed she’d come to stand next to him and was clutching him by the arm, trying to lead him to sit down. “Come on, love. Come and have some tea and calm your nerves. Your body’s gonna hurt like hell tomorrow if you don’t relax a bit.”“I can’t,” he croaked. “I–”But despite feeling as though his entire body was frozen like a statue in shock, he allowed Lily to lead him to the table, and sit him down in a chair. She stilled his hands, and warmed them up in hers. It was only then he realised how cold he was, how violently he was shaking.“I’m going to get my father,” James said into the room. The rest of them stayed silent. He looked around at each of them in turn. “He’s the only one who has a hope in hell of getting Sirius out of there safely. He’s… He’s respected here, trusted. He has power. He’s our only hope.”Regulus took a step back from James, shaking his head. “James, you can’t.”“Why not?”“Because, he–” Regulus started to say with evident frustration before he took a breath and started again. “He’ll know then. About Sirius. And me. Hell, even you.”“And?”“And?” Regulus scoffed. “Tonight was a perfect example of why we can’t freely talk to people about this. Look how they think of us, how they treat us? In the eyes of everyone else, everyone normal, we’re an abomination. We aren’t worth anything other than a dark cell and being beaten to death.”James shook his head. “My father’s not like that.”“You don’t know that.”James was quiet for a moment; they all were, their collective breaths hanging in the air, full of tension.James walked towards Reg, and gently stroked his cheek. “I know where you come from. I know what your family is like, but I promise you, if I thought there was any even remote risk that he would react badly, I wouldn’t even suggest it. I need you to trust me.” He looked at Remus. “I need you both to trust me.”Remus nodded, not able to find words. James was his only hope; he had nowhere else to put his faith at this point.Regulus closed his eyes. “Okay,” he whispered.James kissed him on the cheek and ran up the kitchen stairs. The rest of them stayed stock-still, the mug of tea Lily had put into Remus’ hands burning him a distant ache, the only thing he could feel.When James returned, Fleamont was on his heels. Remus stood when he approached, but the Lord of Godric bypassed him and stopped right in front of Regulus. Remus could see Regulus’ chest inflating and deflating quickly, his face pointed down, eyes trained on the stone floor.“Regulus,” Fleamont said quietly. Regulus looked up but said nothing. A moment passed, and then suddenly Fleamont reached out and pulled Regulus in close, holding him in a fierce, tight embrace. Remus' heart thudded once more as he watched the tension leave Regulus’ body as his arms slowly returned the embrace, hands clutching Fleamont’s dressing jacket.They stayed like that for a moment, and the rest of them looked away as Fleamont quietly muttered things to Regulus in a soothing voice, words just for him. When he pulled away, Regulus’ eyes were shining with unshed tears.Then Fleamont walked over to Remus, so he stood straight, and raised his chin, prepared to be told off for wanting above his station, for daring to leave Sirius in danger. For going in the first place, for bringing shame to a reputable family. Whatever Fleamont would throw, Remus was ready to stand up for himself. For who he was, and who he loved.“Are you okay, son?”“I–,” Remus hesitated. “Not really, my Lord.”“None of that. Call me Fleamont. I’m sorry about what happened tonight,; I’m sure it gave you a terrible shock. I hear you ran all the way home?”“Yes, sir.”“And Sirius is still there?”“He…” Remus swallowed. “The last I saw, he was distracting the police and forcing me to leave. They knew who he was immediately. I imagine they’ll want to make an example out of him. He’ll be at the station by now.”Fleamont sighed, rubbing his temples. “Alright. I’ll head there straight away. See what can be done.”“I– I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for… well. For any of this. I understand if you want me to leave,” Remus said.Fleamont gazed at him over his glasses, his warm brown eyes troubled but kind. “Remus, son. You have a job here for as long as you want one. More than that, you have a home here.” He reached out and grabbed Remus by the shoulder firmly. “I know the world isn’t always a kind place. But you’re family. You needn’t worry about anything here. We will protect you. We’ll protect all of you.”“Thanks, Dad,” James replied quietly, reaching for Regulus’ hand.“Can I make you anything for the drive, my Lord?” Lily asked.“No, thank you Miss Evans. I’ll make my way there now. The sooner the better, I’d say.” Fleamont walked to the kitchen door, and paused. “I’ve called Mr. Weasley, our solicitor; he’s meeting me at the station. He says there should be a way to settle things out of court. If I’m not back before your mother wakes, James, tell her what happened, and that I’ll be home soon.”Remus, Regulus, James, and Lily watched as he walked out, closing the door behind him. The four stood in silence for a while, until Regulus walked over to the kettle and filled it at the sink. He went about arranging the teacups and saucers in the way Remus had shown him setting them at the table. James and Lily sat down while Remus went to collect the sugar cubes and honey from the cupboard, working in a supportive silence with Reg.Remus heard the sound of a door closing, and looked around, thinking perhaps Fleamont had forgotten something. But it was just Peter, scuttling around out the door, tripping over his own feet as usual. He didn’t really have the energy to wonder why Peter was leaving the kitchen at such a late hour, nor how long he’d been there. It didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was Sirius.When the tea was prepared, they put everything on the table and joined James and Lily. The four of them sat in silence, no sound but the ticking of the old clock in the corner of the room.They waited.They would wait.
Sirius
The atmosphere inside of the jail cell was sombre. Sirius sat amongst tenother men who’d been arrested at Moon Bar with him. Only the sounds of quiet sniffles echoed around the cold cell. No one dared touch each other in this place, even though it was obvious that some couples had been arrested together. They risked only fleeting glances and small but brave smiles to each other.There was a selfish part of Sirius that was worried for himself, as anybody would be, but a larger part of himself worried for these other men. Sirius could spend the rest of his life behind bars, but because he was born into wealth and power, he may face a lesser charge. These men were titleless, just working class folks who wanted to live as their true selves. They faced life sentences.It wasn’t right.It wasn’t just.It wasn’t fair.Sirius wanted to scream for change. He wanted to fight.But he could do nothing behind these bars.And the Potters… Would they try to help him? Or would they abandon him for his supposed ‘sins”? Effie and Monty were the kindest, most compassionate people that Sirius knew, but there was still that fear within him, that doubt that maybe he wouldn’t be worth saving.Time went on, and Sirius waited, chewing his nails down to the bone with anxiety.Eventually, a policeman came to the cell. “Black, c’mon,” he called.Sirius’ heart raced as he was led through a hallway and into a room where Fleamont Potter and a red-headed man were speaking with a police chief. Sirius recognised the other man to be the Potters’ legal counsel, Mr Weasley, whom he’d seen a few times in passing.“I hear what you’re saying, William,” Mr Weasley was saying. “But the facts you have are hazy at best. You don’t have any evidence. You cannot charge young Mr Black with any crimes.”The police chief William was scowling, but apparently had no further arguments.“You’re free to take him, my Lord,” the policeman who’d let Sirius out said.“Excellent,” Fleamont answered.The three of them made their way outside, and Sirius took a deep breath of fresh air, allowing it to fill his lungs and hopefully help quell some of his anxiety.“I’m going to contact a colleague in the morning so that I can come back here with reinforcements to help out the other men,” Mr Weasley nodded at Monty.“Thank you, Arthur. You can count on my financial sponsorship, of course. You are a good man.”Sirius wanted to weep with joy that there were more than just a few good people in this world of theirs, but the other tumultuous emotions raging within him were on the forefront. Even as he and Fleamont loaded into the Potters’ car, Sirius felt like he may burst into tears.“Is Remus ok?” Sirius mustered up the courage to ask, because out of everything else, Remus’ safety was his top concern.“Yes, Remus is home and unharmed. He got away,” Monty answered gently.Neither of them spoke after that for a while. The silence was a relief, but it also made Sirius feel very much like a child who was in trouble with their parents. His mother, Walburga, always expected silence from him, whether he was in trouble or not. So Sirius pulled his trembling lip between his teeth and avoided looking at Monty.He hadn’t even noticed that he’d been shaking until Monty reached across the centre console and placed a warm hand on his knee. “Sirius, it’s okay,” he spoke. “Nothing to worry about. We’ll talk with Effie together when we get home, but everything is okay.”The words would have been hard to believe if they hadn’t come from Fleamont Potter.*When they arrived home, Fleamont led them to the sitting room where Euphemia, James, and Regulus were waiting for them.“Oh, my son, come here,” Effie spoke, and her voice cracked with sadness. There were tears in her eyes, but Sirius knew they weren’t tears of shame or anger. They were for him, her son. It wasn’t the first time that Effie or Monty had called Sirius “son,” but tonight it felt real.Effie held him in an embrace and stroked his hair as he gently wept into her shoulder, all of the emotions finally pouring out of him despite his best efforts to keep them in. “Shh, shh now, my darling, it’s okay. All will be okay.”Sirius clutched onto the mother he’d always wanted, but never had until now. She calmed him, whispering reassurances in his ear and squeezing him gently.“I’m so sorry to put you both through so much trouble,” Sirius croaked, pulling away from Effie slightly to address both her and Monty.“Nonsense,” Monty tutted. “Sirius, you are our son. You’ve always been our son. We would and will do anything to see you live your truest, happiest life.”“I know it’s hard to hear that, when all you’ve ever heard is the worst from the two people that are supposed to love you through everything.” Effie nodded at both Sirius and Regulus now. “But, here, you are safe. We love you. Both of you.”Sirius finally released Effie to go hug Regulus instead. Surprisingly, Regulus had a sheen in his eyes that looked suspiciously like tears.“Allergies,” Regulus mumbled, as if reading Sirius’ mind. But despite his denial, Regulus buried his head into Sirius' shoulder and held him tight.“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Reg said as they separated and James went in for the next hug.“I agree with Reg on this one, Sirius.” James held him so tight that Sirius felt like he might crack a rib. But he wouldn’t trade it for the world.“I know,” Sirius admitted. “I didn’t know what else to do, I had to…”“Shut up, we know,” Regulus said. “You’re still an idiot.”Effie led them to sit down and handed Sirius a cup of warm tea. “It’s herbal, dear, it’ll help with the anxiety.”“Thank you,” Sirius whispered. “Thank you both, for everything.”Monty sat next to Regulus and James, while Effie sat next to Sirius on the opposite couch.“No thanks needed,” Effie waved him off. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”Sirius swallowed nervously, biting into his lip. “But...”“No buts about it. Monty and I don’t believe all of that codswallop about same gender relationships. There’s nothing wrong with loving who you love and we’ll hear nothing untoward about it,” Effie stated, leaving Sirius and Regulus both blinking in surprise.“That goes for everyone in this room and in our home,” Monty added, and looked directly at James, who flushed around the ears.Regulus looked as though he might faint, but managed to keep his stoicism top notch anyway.“I will not allow anyone bigoted in my house. And speaking on that matter...” Monty stood and peeked his head out of the sitting room door. “Marlene, would you please fetch Peter for me?”Sirius’ head whipped to James, hoping for some sort of confirmation that he knew what was going on, but James just shrugged.“It’ll be alright, dear, don’t worry,” Effie moved her hand to squeeze Sirius’.OncePeter was in the room with them, Monty didn’t hesitate.“Mr Pettigrew, you’ve worked for us for a few years now, and we have appreciated all that you have done for us,” Monty started, voice stern. “However, it’s come to light that you’ve conducted yourself rather distastefully towards other members of our staff.”Peter blanched and opened his mouth, but Monty raised his hand. “And I was willing to speak to you and attempt to work on things, but since it was apparently you who reported my sons and Mr Lupin for going to enjoy a night out, I do not think we shall be able to employ you any further.”“But, Sir,” Peter’s voice was high-pitched. “They—They–”“They went out to enjoy themselves at a club, on their own time, just like we have all done before. I will hear no more about it, Mr Pettigrew. Please collect your things. I will have someone take you wherever you need in the morning,” Monty concluded, his tone leaving no room for arguments.Peter nodded and left the room, head down and face red with anger.“Boys” Fleamont turned to the four of them. “Effie and I want you to feel welcome here. This is your home too. And I want all of you to know, and I will also tell anyone else who shares this home with us:Whom you love is whom you love, and you do not have to hide it. You are safe here. Please feel comfortable to be yourselves.”Effie smiled, beautiful and bright.“We’re all family, in one way or another, and we love each and every one of you. We want you to be happy.”
Remus
There was a cobweb in the corner of Sirius’ window. It had eleven different sections to it, spanned across the entire square of one of the panes. He’d counted it six times now; each time his pacing of the room led him back to that side of Sirius’ bedroom, the glint of the thing caught Remus’ eye and he counted each strand of it.It also took approximately between fifteen and seventeen steps to walk the entire length of the floor, depending on how wide his step was.He’d been doing this for what felt like hours, just walking up and down the room, waiting. Occasionally he’d stop pacing and sit on the bed, but it smelled too much like Sirius, so much so that he found it suffocating, filling his lungs with worry and guilt.More time passed, and Remus began to fear for the worst, when suddenly there was a small knock on the door and his heart stopped.It opened slowly, and in he walked.Sirius was there. Looking tired, and small, but there. Free.“Remus?”Remus stood still, his mind and body barely daring to believe his eyes, and then he sprung into action, not even thinking as he moved across the room and swept Sirius up in his arms, holding him tight. Sirius clung to him just as fiercely, head buried in Remus’ neck while Remus drank in the feel of him.“Are you okay? You’re here, I can’t–”“I’m okay, Remus, fuck, I’m–”“I thought–”“I know, I know,” Sirius whispered, tightening his grip on Remus even more. “I’m so sorry.”“Why are you sorry? I’m sorry!”“No,” Sirius leaned back to look at him properly. “I made you. I forced you. I needed to keep you safe.”“I should have kept you safe. I can’t believe I left you,” Remus replied. “I hate myself for it.”“No,” Sirius repeated, more firmly this time. “It would have been a thousand times worse if you were with me. It was… It was awful. Fleamont told me what happened, by the way. Did you know?”“Know what?”Sirius frowned. “About Peter?”“What?”“Yes. Apparently, it was him who orchestrated the whole thing. Tipped off the boys in blue. Monty’s going back there tomorrow to try and help some of the other men who were arrested.”“Sirius.”“Yes?”“I love you so much,” Remus croaked. “So, so much.”Sirius made a small noise in the back of his throat, then leaned up to kiss Remus softly. “Not as much as I love you.”They stayed like that, just enjoying being back with each other, relief coursing its way through both of their bones, exchanging sentences here and there and little smiles when it dawned on them both that they’d made it.“Sirius?”“Yes?”“Did you knock on your own bedroom door?”Sirius laughed, a loud, glorious thing. “Shut up,” he said.And so Remus did just that, responding instead with a long, meaningful kiss.Eventually, they went and laid down on the bed together, legs tangled and fingers intertwined as they spoke in gentle voices, watching the sun slowly make its way into the sky through the window, casting soft glimmers of light across the room.“Fleamont was incredible,” Sirius said. “He took no nonsense; you should’ve seen him, Remus. I’ve never seen him so angry. The police did exactly what he told them at every step. I’d be dead if it weren’t for him, one way or another.”“I know,” Remus replied. “He was brilliant here, too. We were so worried to tell him; none of us really knew how he’d react to the whole thing. But James was sure, so we had to trust him.”“I saw Regulus and James on my way up to you, but after everything with Peter I just wanted to find you. I only spoke to Reg for a moment, and of course he didn't really tell me how he was doing. Was he okay?”“He was,” Remus swallowed, thinking of the way he’d watched Regulus cling on to Fleamont. “He was alright. He was worried about you. He didn’t want any of this to affect how the Potters treated you, I think. He knows how important they are to you.”“I’d say after seeing him with James they’re fairly important to him, too. As are you.”“Me?”“Yes,” Sirius replied, tangling a finger in one of Remus’ curls. “You two are rather good friends these days, are you not?”Remus nodded. “Yes, I suppose we are.” He paused. “Fleamont told me I’d always have a job here. A home here, he said.”Sirius was quiet again for a while, seemingly thinking hard. His brow furrowed and then he spoke again.“I think we’ve got something a bit special here, when it comes down to it.”“With the Potters, you mean?”“Mm,” Sirius replied, stroking Sirius’ cheek. “Yes, with them. But us, you and I. James and Reg. We all look out for one another. We’re all sort of related in some way or another.”“Well, you, Reg and James, are.”“And you, my darling. You’re one of us, you know. James thinks the world of you. Regulus speaks so freely with you, I’ve never really seen him like that with other people before,” Sirius said. “And I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever now.”Remus snorted. “Oh no,” he said, a mock serious tone to his voice. “However will I cope?”He wrapped his arms around Sirius and pulled him in closer, so they were nearly nose to nose.“You say that now,” Sirius replied gently. “But I’m quite serious. You’re it for me. You’re my forever. I can’t imagine ever thinking of anyone the way I think of you. You’re my first thought when I wake, my most difficult goodbye when we part. I see something beautiful or hear something funny and you’re always the one I want to tell.”Remus swallowed. “Me too, Sirius. My life doesn’t really feel, well. Like a life, when you’re not in it.”“We’ve come this far, battled a whole war and still found ourselves together. That means something, don’t you think?”“It means everything.”Sirius kissed him, and Remus drank it in, savouring the taste of him. Relishing in the fact that they could do this, just be with each other. Freely. Happily. For as long as they’d like.“I will never want anyone the way I want you. I don’t want to go a day apart. I mean it.”Remus looked at him, at the seriousness of his face. Something that looked a little like nerves, etched across his expression. “What are you saying?”Sirius sat up, pulling Remus to be upright opposite him. “Maybe it’s crazy. Maybe it’s stupid and it wouldn’t mean anything. But to us it would, it would mean something and it’d be ours and we could–”“Wait, Sirius, what are you saying? I don’t–”“Marry me, Remus. I know it wouldn’t be legal, and I know the millions of reasons it’s a perfectly ridiculous idea, but… Do it anyway.”“I—what?”Sirius leaned in close. “Marry me, Remus Lupin, you tall, beautiful creature. I want to be yours and for you to be mine and for us to live every single day doing whatever we’d like, whenever we fancy.”“But, Sirius, I–”“Don’t you want to?”“Of course I do,” Remus replied quickly. “I want nothing more, but I have nothing for you. You deserve the best, the very best in life. I don’t have that, I probably never will.”“You are the very best, Remus, don’t you see it?”“See what?”“You are absolute magic. You are light, and good, and all that’s right with the world. Anything else isn’t worth having.”The lump in his throat caught when Remus tried to reply. He’d wanted to say something that conveyed how he felt, how much he loved Sirius, how deeply he wanted to spend the rest of his days with him, until they were old and grey and bickered about silly things and went to sleep wrapped up in one another, breathing in each other’s breaths until they’d exchanged their last.All he could manage, however, was a quiet, “Bloody hell, go on then,” and a laugh as Sirius shot his head forward for another kiss.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Remus
The Potters always did know how to throw a good party. Remus had helped prepare so many of them, it was almost like clockwork. He knew where the decorations went, which glassware to use for which arrangements, the florist Euphemia liked in town because they sold the best roses, which paintings to replace in the drawing room… all of it.So, watching the hustle and bustle that had happened for perhaps one of the biggest events he’d ever seen at Godric Manor without being able to help out was proving to be rather difficult. Lily had slapped his hands away no less than thrice that morning, telling him to mind his bloody business and go and get ready in harsh, chiding tones. Regulus had even given his room up for the day as a place for Remus to get ready, with large mirrors and lots of good lighting. And, most importantly, away from Sirius’ noseying. Marlene and Mary had fussed around with his hair until it looked presentable, and even Mrs McGonagall had come into Regulus’ bedroom to hand him a small handkerchief to go in his pocket.“You deserve all the good that’s coming your way, Mr Lupin,” she’d said to him, peering at him over the rim of her glasses. Her eyes had looked suspiciously misty. “Don’t get in the way of your own happiness. And for the love of God, stop trying to help serve and prepare for your own wedding day, you fool.”And it was difficult, watching the house transform into something spectacular without being allowed to lend a hand. Not that they needed his help. Within days, Godric Manor had turned into a sight like something from a picture book. There were golden touches to everything, in the decorations strung up across the ceilings, ornaments sitting on every surface. Large, expensive and elaborate-looking rugs and carpets had been laid down, and there were glorious flowers everywhere. Sirius’ request, naturally.Remus looked in the mirror, analysing himself in his suit. He had the handkerchief from Mrs McGonagall tucked into his pocket, and a small, delicate rose clipped to his jacket. His hair had been successfully styled, thanks to many, many attempts from the girls; he had to admit, it was all working wonders.He looked at himself, and didn’t see some farm kid playing dress up.He saw a man, confident and happy and sure of himself. About to go and marry the love of his life.Remus was startled out of his thoughts by Padfoot barking at him from the floor.“Sorry, Pads. No time for a walk. You have a very important job today.”Remus walked over to the dog and hooked the little silk bag with the rings inside to his collar. “Suppose we’d better go and face the masses.”“The masses” was, of course, an overstatement. The ceremony was unofficial, true, but it would be something meaningful, something intimate, meant to be shared only by the friends and family closest to him and his husband-to-be.He walked down the stairs, Padfoot hot on his heels, and was met by Lily, who was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.“Bloody hell. Took your time,” she said, shaking her head. Padfoot trotted away while Lily took Remus’ arm and led him into the library, where the ceremony was to take place. “You look good.”“Thanks, Lils. You too,” Remus replied with a grin. She looked beautiful, wearing a dark green dress and her hair curly; a few flowers matching the arrangements around the house were dotted in her long, red waves. “Suppose we’d better go in?”“Nervous?” she smiled. “Come on, Romeo. You’ll be alright.”The people who meant the most to him in the world were all there; the staff at the Manor, the Potters, Regulus, a few friends from the village who had been updated on everything, and that was it. Everyone was smiling and beautiful, and Remus thought his heart might burst.“Hello, you.”His heart gave an almighty thud, and he turned around to be faced with Sirius, standing next to Fleamont. Fleamont patted Sirius on the back with a smile, nodded at Remus, and went to take his seat.“You look incredible,” Remus whispered as Sirius approached. Lily made a surreptitious gagging noise, then gave a wink, and went to join the rest of the attendees in the seating area.“You scrub up pretty well yourself, Lupin,” Sirius smiled. “Bloody hell, I can’t believe it’s happening.”“Having second thoughts?”“Nah, never.” He reached up and kissed Remus.“Bit early for that,” Marlene said as she walked past. “Keep it in your trousers, lads.”“You know,” Sirius started, “when Regulus and I first got here, she barely nodded at me.”“Well, you did encourage her with all that don’t call me Lord Black stuff when you arrived.”“That was my second mistake.”“Oh? And what was your first?”“Not kissing you the first day I got here,” Sirius said.Remus beamed. “Sirius, I–”“Did you idiots lose something?”Remus was interrupted by Regulus’ voice from the doorway. He and Sirius turned to look, and saw Regulus and James, James holding Padfoot’s lead and looking at them with amusement.“Did we?”“We found him in the garden, you dolt. He has the rings. That would’ve been embarrassing,” James replied, closing the door and unhooking Padfoot’s lead from his collar.“You’re both utterly useless, are you aware?” Regulus asked, but there was no malice to his tone.“Ah, save something for the speech, Reg,” Sirius winked.Regulus turned to James. “How are they going to cope when they’re married?”James laughed. “Guess we’re about to find out. Go on, lead the way, my love.”Regulus scoffed, kissed James, and went to the front of the room, getting the attention of the crowd.“Well,” Sirius whispered. “This is it.”“This is it,” Remus agreed. “Shall we?” He held out his hand for Sirius to take, which he did, enthusiastically and happily, and the two of them walked down the aisle to stand either side of Regulus.*“Sometimes, when life looks to be its darkest, people languish in it. They turn to the dark and follow it entirely, thinking there’s likely no way out, no way to find the light again. But then, there are some people who simply create the light for themselves.” Regulus cleared his throat, and looked up from his notes. “That’s what my brother, Sirius, has always had an innate talent for. It used to drive me up the wall, the way he always had a positive spin for everything. But when it came down to it, I believe it’s the very thing that saved his life, and allowed me to begin mine. He went into war ready for life to be over, for darkness and tragedy and blood and grief to be the end; we all did. But, instead, he found a love that would keep the light going forever.”Sirius sniffed, tears running freely down his face, and Remus reached out to grab his hand, stroking it gently with his thumb.“Remus Lupin is perhaps the very last person I would’ve expected to call one of my best friends, if for no other reason than he appears not to be afraid of me at all, so he never listens when I try to tell him what to do. Same with Sirius, who as you may know, often gets his own way.”Remus laughed at that, as did everyone else.“But when I think of these two together, everything begins to make rather a lot of sense. For all of Sirius’ wild, ridiculous schemes and ideas, Remus is his logic, his patience…and occasional enabler. When Remus retreats too far into himself, Sirius is the light that guides him out. Sirius and I didn’t come from a happy home. But watching my brother and Remus create one for themselves is the greatest thing to come out of this life so far. Bested only by being a small part of it.”“You’re a very large part of it, Reg,” Sirius interrupted.“Hush,” Regulus replied, “Or I’ll take it all back.”Remus laughed again.“I wish you both every piece of happiness you deserve. May your love continue to light up every room you enter.” Regulus cleared his throat. “I now pronounce you, husbands. Sort of. You may kiss.”And so, they did.The sound of cheers from their loved ones filled the room, but Remus barely heard it. He could hear only the sound of his heart. Full of hope for a very, very bright future.“I love you, Private Lupin,” Sirius whispered, just for him.“I love you too, Captain Black.”
Sirius
There are days in life that carve themselves into your memory forever. The best days.Days like when Regulus was born, or when Sirius met James Potter. When Effie called him “son” for the first time, or when Monty taught him how to drive, despite Walburga’s protests.The day he first kissed Remus Lupin.The day he married Remus Lupin.It didn’t matter that they didn’t have a piece of paper with official documentation of their marriage. It was etched in their hearts, and in their souls. Forever to live on in their memories, and the memories of their loved ones.And that was all that mattered.After the ceremony, a grand dinner was planned with all of Sirius’ and Remus’ favourites, including, but not limited to, canapés and sausages on sticks. Candles were spread across the table, along with flower arrangements that Sirius had been obsessing over since the first planning stages of their wedding.Sirius couldn’t believe the effort that everyone had put into making his and Remus’ big day special, and beautiful. His heart was filled with so much love he felt it might burst.“Before we all sit down, Effie and I would like to speak to you two, if we may,” Monty asked, pulling Sirius and Remus aside.Sirius had expected they wanted a private word, perhaps to share some seasoned advice with the two newlyweds.What he hadn’t expected was for Effie and Monty to take them on a short walk across the grounds, leading them to an older, run-down-looking cottage tucked away in a quaint corner of their land.“Remus, you’ve been part of this family and this land since you were a small child,” Monty started. “And it’s been our honour and pleasure to see you grow and become the man that you are today.” He placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder while Effie smiled softly.“Monty and I have talked about it, and we’d like to offer you agentship of the estate,” Effie continued. “You’ve earned that, and so much more in our eyes. And now that you’re married to our son, we thought it more than appropriate.”Sirius’ breath stole from his body for Remus’ sake. He knew how much Remus struggled with societal positions, and where he felt he belonged in this world. But Sirius couldn’t agree more that Remus deserved this. He deserved everything good.Remus seemed too stunned to speak for a moment, eyes fixated on the cottage in front of them.“If it wasn’t obvious, we’d also like to offer you both this cottage as a gift and a promise to always be involved in this family,” Monty added. “Remus, at first I had thought I may offer you your parents’ old cottage, but I think this one would be better suited for you both. To fix up and create new memories in.”Remus’ eyes glistened. “I—I don’t know what to say.”“Oh just say yes, dear,” Effie trilled and patted Remus’ arm. “Embrace the good!”Remus turned and hugged her.Sirius laughed, “I don’t think that’s what she meant, Remus.”“Hush,” Monty chided him.“Of course, of course I accept,” Remus’ voice cracked. “Thank you. Thank you both so much.” He turned towards Monty then. “I—I’ll make you proud.”“You already have, Remus,” Monty smiled.“And don’t thank us yet. I’m sure Sirius will be beside himself until the cottage is repaired and made nice. It’s rather rough in there, I’m afraid,” Effie chuckled.Sirius felt himself on the verge of tears for the fifth time this day alone. “That’s okay” he whispered. “It’s ours.”Suddenly, a loud barking erupted from inside of the cottage.“What in the devil?” Monty asked, frowning.Sirius moved forward and opened the door, and out came Padfoot, tail wagging and tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth as if smiling.“This cottage hasn’t been opened in years; how in the world did he get in there?” Effie asked.“God knows,” Monty sighed. “But I think it’s a sign. Maybe Padfoot should retire from hunting and become your lap dog.” He gestured towards Remus and Sirius.Padfoot barked in agreement.Sirius barked his own laugh.*“Remember when Sirius set the house on fire?” Lily asked around the table, laughing.Everyone was gathered ’round for the wedding dinner, enjoying each other’s company and the variety of foods. For the past ten minutes, they’d been sharing memories of Sirius embarrassing himself. Including when he set the kitchen on fire.“In all of my years working here, since even Monty was a young boy, I have never seen the house set on fire,” Mrs McGonagall pointed out. “I’d say that was quite the feat.”“It was Remus’ fault!” Sirius defended. “He distracted me!”“How on earth could he have done that?” Mary snickered.“Yes, Sirius, how?” Remus raised an eyebrow, “If I remember correctly, I was opening a bottle of milk when it happened.”“Well… You rolled up your sleeves…” Sirius quietly rebutted, cheeks flushing.Laughter erupted from the table. “Oh I understand, my brother, it’s tough out there,” James cackled.“I remember one time, your mother was wearing this particularly low-cut bodice—”“EUGH- Dad, please.” James was suddenly not laughing. Sirius thought it was hilarious.“I feel that way every time I see Dorcas in that one sparkly dress she has,” Marlene spoke up, and when everyone turned towards her, she seemed determined. “Well… I figured since we’re all revealing ourselves lately…”“Here, here!” Lily cried, lifting her glass. “Mary and I kissed!”The table erupted in cheers.“My goodness, love is in the air it seems!” Effie laughed.“Speaking of cheers, I’d like to give a toast.” Mrs. McGonagall stood, and everyone quieted. “Remus, I’ve watched you grow up here, and I know that your parents would be proud of where you are today. And as for myself... Well, I’ve seen you go through many hardships and endure them with grace and discipline. I wouldn’t say you’ve been unhappy, but since you’ve returned home from the war, and Sirius has been here, I’ve seen your eyes light up more than I’ve ever seen before.”No one was used to McGonagall, a woman not unkind but reserved in her affections, speaking so candidly. She held everyone’s attention with her heartfelt words. “You seem lighter on your feet now, and filled with joy. And that brings me joy. I know that this union is just the start of your bright future, Remus.”When she lifted her glass, everyone followed. “Cheers!”“Thank you, Ms McGonagall,” Remus smiled, eyes full of emotions. Sirius reached out and squeezed his knee reassuringly.“Well said, Mrs McGonagall,” Monty added. “Well said indeed.”James cleared his throat, “Well, if we’re giving speeches…”“Oh no, James, please,” Sirius begged. “I’ve cried enough for one day.”James laughed and shook his head. “Fine. I just want to say how happy I am for you. You deserve the best.”The two of them shared a smile.“Can we go back to sharing embarrassing stories about my husband now?” Remus interjected.Sirius’ heart leapt right out of his chest and landed on his dinner plate. Today had been a day of many firsts, and now, Remus had addressed him as husband. He knew it was the first of many, and that made it all the more better.“This one time when Sirius and I were adolescents, we snuck out to the fair, when we went to get on the Ferris wheel—” Regulus started, but Sirius cut him off, swinging his arm out dramatically to cut it through the air.“We were children, not adolescents!” Sirius bellowed.“Fire!” Marlene shouted, and the whole table’s attention suddenly snapped to the sleeve of Sirius’ shirt, which had sideswiped a candle as he’d been flailing and was now, indeed, set on fire.“Sirius!”“Oh my god.”“How is this happening again!”“Oh, for heaven's sake!” Mrs McGonagall shouted and stood up, picking up a large pitcher of water and splashing it right across Sirius, dousing the fire and effectively soaking him.It was funny, really. Symbolic of sorts. Their love had bloomed under gunfire and flourished around a kitchen fire; it only made sense that on the day they united themselves, Sirius would set himself on fire.The flame between them would never fade.Sirius would be starting fires and stealing kisses from Remus for the rest of his days.