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Sometimes Tim would break into Jason’s apartment
with the spare key Jason gave up and made for him
to steal his food
by forcing his older brother to make him healthier snacks.
This meant that when the fearsome Red Hood found his little brother perusing his closet with all of the audacity of Catwoman, he wasn’t exactly surprised. He just didn’t approve of Tim selecting his favorite clothing to satisfy his thrifting habit.
“You’re always stealing my stuff! Jason complained, snatching his wonder woman hoodie out of Tim’s thieving little hands. “My bike-“
“That was for bat stuff!” Tim protested with outrage, following him down the hallway towards the kitchen. “And I
borrowed
it!”
“You can’t ’borrow’ something,” here Jason used air quotes without turning around to face the kid “and return it riddled with bullet holes and a note saying: sorry lol’”
Tim smirked unrepentantly from where he had teleported onto the counter top, hunched like a gremlin and digging through his Cheetos. Jason squinted suspiciously at his little brother, maybe he had a secret meta ability he wasn’t telling Bruce about.
“I’ve never stolen anything from you.” Tim lied blatantly, he had the audacity to make direct eye contact as his orange fingers shoveled Jason’s Cheetos into his hungry maw. Jason growled with frustration, striding forward and snatching back the bag.
“You’re a lying liar who lies!” He turned towards the fridge to Tim’s left, fresh determination flooding his system. “Now let me make you some real food. All you ever eat is prepackaged shit.”
“Ramen is real food!” Tim piped up like an idiot.
“Veggies, you idiot! Protein!” Jason scoffed, turning back to the fridge where the
A5 wagyu beef
, shiitake mushrooms and eggs were stored. He’d show the little twerp real ramen.
“I can’t believe you live like this. I, on the other hand, am a civilized human being who actually cooks food.” He continued, slamming the fridge door with his foot because his hands were full of food stacked to his chin. Years of martial arts training and practical application really came in handy sometimes. He tried not to think about why Tim didn’t eat healthy, why he was always underweight, who never taught how to cook, and how his parents had taught him jack shit about nutrition. But Tim was sensitive about the Drake’s various failures in parenting so instead of saying anything, he just swallowed the words and started furiously chopping mushrooms. Instead of helping Jason feed his ungrateful guest, Tim pointed an accusing, orange finger at his older brother.
“Bold words from a man who I once found gnawing on frozen broccoli,” he said, grinning slyly. Jason grit his teeth, the problem with siblings was that they never let you live anything down. He cut the beef into thin strips with a little bit more force than necessary.
“You know what else you stole from me?” He asked with a misleadingly level voice.
What?” Tim ventured suspiciously, eyes narrowing. Jason pointed the blade accusingly right back at his brother,
“Robin!!!” he shot back. Tim gasped with faux outrage, plastering one orange palm to his chest like a horrified Victorian maiden.
“You did not just say that, you did not just pull that card.” He said,
“Yes I did!” Jason returned viciously, turning his attention to sautéing the vegetables, a smirk playing at his lips.
Watch the bird beat that one! He cheered inwardly,
Tim did not attempt to. He did, however, steal back and eat the rest of the cheetos as revenge. But once they sat down together, he was talking a million miles a minute about one of his genius ideas. By the time they’d emptied a couple bowls of
quality
ramen each, the sky was darkening and birds and bats were coming out as rational Gothamites scattered for their homes.
“You’re lucky you left a suit here again,” Jason said. In response, Tim slurped the remaining soup straight from the bowl loudly. Jason sighed, little siblings were annoying. The whole Batfamily drove him insane sometimes. But they were his, and he wouldn’t trade them for the world.