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Will had always prided himself on being a master of first aid, a dependable healer, and, recently, a boyfriend who tried his best to expose Nico to more ‘normal’ modern experiences. After all, he believed that Nico deserved a break from the Underworld, the monsters, and everything else that made their lives... chaotic, to put it lightly.
And what could be more normal than a nice, wholesome trip to Olive Garden?
So that’s what led them here, standing outside the chain restaurant’s glowing sign, Will smiling as if he'd just handed Nico a ticket to Elysium itself.
Nico glanced at the entrance, narrowing his eyes. "Why are we here again?"
"Endless breadsticks, pasta, salad, trust me, you'll love it!" Will grinned, nudging Nico's shoulder.
As soon as they stepped inside, Nico was apprehensive. But Will was hopeful, and if anyone could convince Nico to give mortal experiences a shot, it was him.
-
Fifteen minutes into the meal, Nico was suspiciously quiet. Too quiet.
The breadsticks, which Will had praised endlessly, sat in front of them like ominous, cardboard-like tubes of doom. The pasta—overcooked, soggy—was being forked into Will’s mouth enthusiastically, but Nico’s plate was untouched, save for a single bite that he immediately regretted.
"You okay, Ni?" Will asked, oblivious to the storm brewing next to him.
Nico slowly placed his fork down and fixed his boyfriend with a stare so icy it could rival the River Styx.
"Will... this food... It's personal."
Will blinked. "Personal? Like... you don't like it?"
"No, I mean, it's like the food has personally insulted me. As if every bite is screaming 'go back to the Underworld, you shadowy freak.'" Nico pushed his plate away in disgust, he stared straight at it and deadpanned further, "It’s like the pasta is calling me a slur."
Will snorted, then immediately covered his mouth, trying (and failing) to suppress loud laughter, "Okay, oh my Gods, I- I get it. You're not a fan." He choked out.
"I’ve battled literal monsters, survived Tartarus, faced gods, and this...
this
is what breaks me?" Nico threw his hands up, half-joking, half-serious. He honestly couldn’t tell. "It's offensive on a level I can't even explain."
-
Later that night, back at the camp, Nico stormed into the cabin with a glare that could send Hades himself running. Will didn’t know Italian, but on the way back, he definitely could assume that his boyfriend had been cursing vigorously.
"I want that place destroyed."
Will, trailing behind and still trying to stifle his laughter, raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"You heard me," Nico said, eyes flashing dangerously. "I want that... Ol*ve G*rden erased from existence."
Will chuckled, shaking his head. "Nico, babe, you can't just destroy a restaurant because you didn’t like the food."
"
Watch me
."
-
By morning, rumors of Nico’s vendetta had spread like wildfire through the camp. Campers whispered about how Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, was on a personal warpath... against Olive Garden. Topic of the week, ladies and gentlemen.
Annabeth found him first. "Nico, are you seriously plotting the downfall of a chain restaurant?"
Nico crossed his arms, his expression stormy. "It’s not a plot. It’s justice."
"Have you considered just... never going back?" Annabeth raised an eyebrow.
"I can't let them get away with it," Nico grumbled. "They need to pay for what they’ve done."
Jason, overhearing, snickered. "What did they do, serve you a cursed breadstick?"
Will arrived just in time to throw an arm around Nico’s shoulders, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, everyone. Olive Garden didn't exactly win Nico over."
"They didn't just fail. They’ve
offended
me," Nico corrected sharply. "They must be stopped."
-
As ridiculous as it all sounded, Nico was dead serious. (Though, the way he had been trying to not laugh about it with Will earlier made him think he wasn’t entirely) He was gathering support. Chiron overheard Nico muttering darkly about 'revenge' and 'overpriced pasta' and decided it was safer not to ask.
Percy, being Percy, couldn’t resist egging him on. "Dude, do we need to go all-out war here? Because I’ve been itching for a quest that I probably won’t die on."
"Not a quest. A message," Nico replied cryptically.
To everyone’s surprise, the night culminated in a mock siege. Campers armed with plastic forks and glow-in-the-dark olive tree props marched towards the dining pavilion in an epic (and completely unnecessary in every way, shape, and form) re-enactment of what Nico envisioned his 'destruction' of Olive Garden would look like.
Will, watching from the sidelines, leaned over to Annabeth. "You think I should tell him there are, like, thousands of these restaurants?"
"Let him have this one," Annabeth replied, trying not to laugh. "He’s been through worse."
-
In the end, no actual destruction occurred, but Nico swore to never step foot inside an Olive Garden again. The restaurant chain would continue to exist, blissfully unaware of the wrath they narrowly avoided.
As the 'campaign' wound down and the campers dispersed, Nico settled next to Will at the campfire. He was still scowling, but his mood had lightened considerably.
Will, forever the optimist, nudged him gently. "So... next time, we’ll try a different place?"
Nico shot him a withering look but then sighed. "Yeah."