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So a new guy moved into town. It was a small town, where Derek and Titch lived, meaning that new people quickly caught the eyes of pretty much everyone. This person in particular caught eyes. In all fairness, Titch found himself leaving the farm more often, just going on walks, going to the grocery store, taking the dogs to the park… anything to catch a glimpse of him. Because damn. Titch had always known he was gay, but it was like he only now realised how incredibly gay he was.And Derek noticed, of course, because Derek noticed things. Titch called the dogs to him and Derek came into the mudroom as well.“Taking the dogs for a walk again, love?”Titch felt his cheeks colour, but he wasn’t doing anything wrong, was he? Walking the dogs, just walking the dogs. The chances of running into this guy were small anyway.“Yes, I decided to, uhm, get some exercise in. I’ve been doing so much admin work, I-“Derek put his hand on his shoulder and looked him deep in the eyes, shutting him up immediately.“You can’t claim the dogs and the shops for yourself, though, love. When will I get to be in town then?”“You’ve been working so hard, I thought I’d take some of the chores off your shoulders,” Titch rambled. What was Derek even on about?“Yes, on the farm. Now, don’t get me wrong, you’re really hot, but- and aubergines are pretty too, but this guy…”Titch’s eyebrows shot up higher than he thought they were able to.“You mean that Frenchman?”“Who else would I mean?” Derek asked, as if this was a normal thing to talk about. “You aren’t the only one of us with eyes, love. He’s like 6’5” and has this gaze…”“He’s not ugly, I guess…” Titch confessed. The ease with which Derek was saying all this confused him. They had commented on men before, like on tv, or during their road trip, but this man lived in their village. He was less unreachable. He was less of a fantasy and more of an option – well, as long as he was even into men, of course.“He’s a little more than just not ugly,” Derek said. “Can I come with you and the dogs?”Max and Rover were excitedly running around in the mudroom at this point, jumping at Derek and Titch’s legs and barking at the door. Titch fastened their leashes and handed one to Derek.“But are you crushing on him then?” Titch asked and Derek shrugged nonchalantly.“I don’t even know his name, but he’s eye-candy for sure. And you? Crushing?”Titch also shrugged, though a lot less nonchalantly. He opened the door and walked out with Rover in tow. He was so red at this point; he could feel his cheeks burn. Walking away was no use though, with Derek’s legs being so much longer than his and Max being the bigger dog as well. Within seconds, Derek had caught up and was happily walking next to Titch. Yes, actually happily. He had a cheeky little smile.“Titch is in looooove…” he sang, like an annoying kid on the playground.“Yes, with you!” Titch snapped.“Of course!” Derek exclaimed. “But also…”“I don’t want to talk about this,” Titch said. “I’m happy with you. Yes, he is attractive, big deal. He’s not you. He hasn’t saved my farm, he hasn’t been with me in my darkest hour, you have.”Derek stopped walking and took Titch’s hand to make him stop as well.“I know,” he said, making quite intense eye-contact. His expression was soft and loving. “Which is why I’m not scared of you being into this new guy.”“And what if-“ Titch turned his head, still uncomfortable. “Like, imagine he would, also be into it, I guess?”“Introduce him to me?” Derek suggested. “Have you ever talked to him?”“Are you crazy?! Come on, the dogs are being impatient.”
For the last two weeks, Titch had hoped to run into the Frenchman, every time he had been in town. Right now, he wished with every bone in his body that they wouldn’t meet him. Derek was chatting away about something else, but Titch couldn’t focus on what he was saying. He felt like he was being jealous on behalf of Derek. Someone had to be, right? Also, Derek seemed to also be into the man. He could just be jealous in general! Then again, that felt hypocritical.And of course. As soon as they walked into the park. There he was. Smoking on a bench next to the duck pond, leather jacket open, pink scarf telling Titch bizarrely little about his sexuality. Was he gay or just European? Who knew?Derek poked Titch with his elbow and pointed with his eyes, as if Titch hadn’t noticed.“Your crush!” he hissed excitedly. “We should introduce ourselves!”“No, we fucking shouldn’t!”But Derek was already walking over and grabbing him desperately by the wrists would only make them look more deranged – especially because Derek was clearly stronger than him. Max followed Derek, Rover followed Max, meaning Titch followed both dogs and his boyfriend to the mysterious smoking hot man.“Hi,” Derek said. “You must be new in town! My name is Derek, this is my boyfriend, Titch. We want to welcome you!”Which was a normal thing to say, and the Frenchman reacted very normally to it, but Titch noticed himself wishing that the earth would swallow him right that moment.“Bonjour,” the man said, flashing them both an irresistible smile. “My name is Xavier.”Oh great, he had a beautiful name as well.“Nice to meet you,” Derek said and to Titch’s horror, he pointed at the bench. “Can I?”“Bien sûr!” Xavier said, scootching over a bit so Derek could join him on the bench.Titch held out his hand to Derek.“Give me Max, I’ll walk them if you want to sit.” He really needed to move – especially move away from this situation.But as he was walking away with the dogs and Derek stayed behind with Xavier, he wasn’t feeling super well about himself either. Now his boyfriend was talking to the hot stranger, and he was walking the dogs, when he had only been wanting to walk the dogs to meet Xavier. What was he doing? Derek was being the normal one at this moment. He was having a pleasant conversation, probably, and Titch was running away because a guy had a pretty face. Then again, turning around now and coming back wasn’t an option if he wanted to come across as a functioning human being, so he walked on, constantly looking back to see what was going on between his cute boyfriend and the hot stranger. He could’ve been sandwiched in between them right now if he weren’t such an awkward loser. What was it about Xavier that made both him and Derek behave like schoolgirls?After walking for a few minutes, Titch stopped in his tracks. What was he doing? He was so concerned about looking normal towards Xavier and not too obsessed towards Derek, that he just left his boyfriend with Xavier, of whom Derek had already confessed he found attractive. What if Derek was flirting right now? What if they were hitting it off? Or what if Derek was telling Xavier about Titch’s crush? Would he do any of those things? No, right? But Titch still turned around, walked back to the two men, let the dogs loose to play on the field and wrapped his arms around Derek’s shoulders. Derek immediately reacted by reaching back with one hand and stroking Titch’s hair.“Hi love, back already?”Xavier had put one of his feet on the bench, manspreading, leaning back, still smoking. His skinny jeans showed off the shape of his legs.“You never guess what Xavier does for a job,” Derek went on. Escort? Titch thought and then pushed that idea far, far away.“Farmer?” He said instead, knowing it wasn’t true.“I’m an improvise comedian,” Xavier said, pressing his cigarette bud on the armrest of the bench and then shot it away with his thumb and index finger.“Cool, right?” Derek asked and Titch nodded.“Very.”Xavier was looking at him. He turned red again. He cursed his skin for showing his blushing so much. He knew Xavier would notice. And he did. He winked. Oh my god, he winked, even though Titch was holding Derek right at this moment. And Derek laughed and looked behind him and saw Titch blush and still laughed.“I think your boyfriend is impressed,” Xavier remarked, making everything worse.“Even though he’s the impressive one, really,” Derek said, which felt like a small light being lit in the awkward darkness. “He works so hard, and he’s really cute. Look!”Xavier nodded, smiling a smile that would make the sun jealous. Was Derek just being his adorable self, Titch wondered, or was he trying to sell him?“You both should come see my show in [Bigger City] next week,” Xavier suggested. “Maybe we can have some drinks afterwards. Have some fun.” He actually wiggled his eyebrows.“That sounds like a lot of fun!” Derek answered.Not much later, Xavier said goodbye and Titch was both dreading and looking forward to next week.
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Titch didn’t run into him anymore that week and he was quite happy about it. He also made sure to ask Derek whether he had. He was honestly quite scared of all the things Derek might say to Xavier. He was being so casual about this whole thing; Titch wouldn’t be surprised if Derek would set Titch up with a date – or both of them. Then again, they already kind of had a date, didn’t they? Tuesday was approaching fast, and Titch found himself doing laundry on Sunday to make sure his favourite button-up would be clean. He even ironed it, to great amusement of Derek, who was loudly contemplating his most god-awful outfits to wear for the evening.“How about this, love?” Derek asked, holding up his cow-onesie. It even had a snout and horns on the hood. Titch made a face.“You’re just bullying me, right?”“I am. But also, it’s only one zipper…” Derek winked.“So?” Titch asked. He knew what ‘so’ but didn’t want to think about it. At the same time, didn’t he?“You’re cute,” Derek just answered, kissing Titch’s cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll dress nicely. We have to impress your crush.”“He’s not my crush!” Titch exclaimed and Derek snickered.“Sure, love. Look,” his voice became serious for a second. “I genuinely don’t mind, okay? I think it’s funny. We can flirt with Xavier a bit, he’s hot, it’s okay. We have each other if things don’t work out and we’ll have each other still if things do happen to work out somehow.”“What if he only likes you?” Titch asked.“Then I’d ask for consent from you.”“What if I won’t give it?”“Sucks to be Xavier then. You’re my number one.”“And what if he only likes me?” Titch felt his cheeks colour again.“We’ll see. I’m just going with my gut on this and I don’t feel like we’re in any danger at this point. You sometimes walk with me and sometimes walk with the dogs. I’m not getting jealous about that, am I?”“That is very different! Xavier is not a dog!”“I’d be concerned if you were infatuated with a dog. Is this okay?” Derek held up a shirt and a pair of pants that looked considerably better than the cow-onesie, so Titch nodded.“We’re just having a date tonight. We’re going to a comedy show. Nothing weird is going to happen.”Derek shrugged and kissed Titch.“I love you. I will be there. I’ll take care of myself and my feelings, okay? I’ll tell you when things are getting weird for me. You take care of your own feelings and be honest with me. Promise?” Derek looked at Titch and when he didn’t get an answer other than his boyfriend averting his gaze, he added: “Or just start acting weirdly possessive, I can take a hint.”That finally made Titch laugh.“I love you too.”
They went with Derek’s car, which Titch felt relieved about. Going with one car probably meant going home together as well. Derek had one hand on the steering wheel and one around Titch's shoulders, absentmindedly massaging him. And Titch wondered again why Derek was so sweet about all of this. He could understand it if Derek had pushed himself aside for Titch, to make him happy. He'd feel terrible about it, but he would understand. He's also understand if Derek would be distant or angry or if he secretly wanted Xavier to himself and was about to leave Titch. All of those thoughts made him sad, but he understood them. What he didn't understand was Derek's honest-to-god cheerfulness about the both of them kinda crushing on the same guy. He was treating it like a shared interest. Yeah, my boyfriend and I, we both like farming and action movies and this one guy called Xavier.Maybe that was genuinely how Derek felt about it. Come to think of it, Derek was always the one pointing out guys who were Titch's type.
The venue was small, and Derek was a bitch, meaning him and Titch sat pretty much on stage, as Derek refused to sit on the back row. So as soon as Xavier came on stage, introducing himself and his two fellow actors - one of which had a speech impediment that made him almost impossible to understand - the tall Frenchman saw them and winked.The show wasn't great. Xavier clearly knew his trade but not the language and Jericho and the other guy, whose name Titch had immediately forgotten, seemed to be a lot younger and less experienced. Add to that the fact that he had to guess the meaning of every line Jericho said and the main attraction remained to be looking at Xavier being hot on a stage, which - Titch had to admit - he didn't mind doing for an hour and a half. He felt Derek's hand on his knee at different points during the show. In the break, they shared a drink and a kiss - it seemed like a safe place to do that, having seen the positive reactions to Xavier kissing both his co-stars already in different scenes. It was actually a really nice night. And then the show was over, the three actors bowed and got their final applause, before disappearing through a door, presumably to a dressing room of some sort."So, what now?" Titch asked."Now we have a drink and wait for Xavier to come talk to us," Derek answered. That sounded like a plan to Titch, so they got in line for the bar. Titch wondered if Xavier even cared they were there. He might as well just have been flirting to fill his venue. Oh look, two dumb gays, surely, they'll drive half an hour to see me. Would that really be bad? He had a nice time with Derek after all.“You really came!” a French accent said behind them and a big hand was placed on Titch’s shoulder. Looking over, the other big hand was on Derek’s. “I am honoured. Did you like the show?”“Absolutely! The three of you are so funny!” Derek said immediately and Titch nodded, being extremely aware of Xavier’s hand on him. “How long have you been acting together?” Derek asked and Xavier started the story of how he had met the other two guys only a few months ago, when he immigrated to the UK and lived in London for a bit.“But London es… uh, trop cher… too much money.” He let go of their shoulders to theatrically turn the pockets of his trousers inside out. The other two were living in Shoreditch, while Xavier moved to the countryside, but they still had gigs pretty much every week, in London and outside of it.Derek offered to buy Xavier a drink, which he happily accepted.“What do you want?” Derek asked Titch, who asked for a beer and then was told to find them a table to sit at, together with Xavier. For a second, Titch was scared he’d have to make small talk, but luckily, Xavier was on a train of talking about himself and didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. So he was talking about gigs he had done before, made some jokes about the other two actors, who seemed to be joining them at their table, and Titch just had to sit there, allow Xavier to place his hand on his knee – Titch looked over nervously at Derek at that point – and listen to the conversation that was flowing naturally. He didn’t follow all of the inside jokes, but he was being touched by one of the hottest people he had ever met, so did it really matter?“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything!” Derek exclaimed, as soon as he came back with two beers and a red wine and saw the other two actors, who immediately said it didn’t matter and the guy whose name Titch had forgotten got up to get them some drinks as well. Derek sat down on the other side of Titch, placing his own hand on Titch’s other knee, noticing Xavier’s and kissing Titch on the cheek.“So, eh, like, who a’ you?” Jericho asked. “Fwiends oh Xav?”“Zey are my lovers,” Xavier said without a hint of sarcasm, making Titch spit his sip of beer back into his glass from shock. Xavier reached with his free hand for Derek’s hand, stroking it playfully.“A’ you sure?” Jericho asked, laughing. “Becau’ I don’t think, he, like, knew tha’.”Xavier released his hand from Titch’s knee and stroked his cheek instead, gently pushing him to look at Xavier as his face came closer.“Yes, he does,” Xavier said.From the corner of his eye, Titch noticed the fingers of Xavier’s other hand still playing with Derek’s. Derek’s hand was still on Titch’s knee, gently stroking it as if to say everything was okay.And then he was kissed. Xavier just went for it. In front of his colleagues. In front of Titch’s boyfriend. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, or even a long one, but it happened. Before Titch even fully realised it, Xavier had pulled away again, leaving a lingering smell of cigarette smoke in Titch’s nose. And nothing had changed. Derek was still there. As Titch looked to his left, he met Derek’s gaze, who, if anything, seemed slightly concerned. Titch smiled, carefully. Derek smiled back, slowly blinking, like one would do to a cat. So Titch allowed himself to feel happy.
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Xavier released Titch from his touch to reach into the pocket of his jacket and took out a pack of cigarettes. He held it up to the other two actors, who immediately got up, taking their drinks with them. Xavier looked at Titch and Derek.“Do you smoke?”“No,” Titch said. Or at least, he hadn’t in a long time and felt like a moment alone with Derek would be better than a cigarette right now.Xavier stood up from the table, still holding Derek’s hand as he walked around it as a kind of one-sided dance.“Et toi?”Derek shook his head.“We’ll guard the table.”That made Xavier laugh out loud. He pulled his hand back and blew a kiss at Derek and then bent over towards him.“That one’s a promise,” he said, stroking Derek’s cheek with one finger before following his co-stars outside.
It was silent at the table for a bit. Titch leaned back in his chair and rested his chin in his hands, elbows on the table. Titch took a swig of beer and looked at Derek. Did he look annoyed?“So…” Derek broke the silence at last.“Yeah…” Titch said.“That happened.”“I suppose it did… Are you okay?”“Yeah.” Derek turned his head and smiled at Titch. “Don’t worry about it, I would’ve said something if I weren’t.” He paused for a second. “He, uh… well he just made a promise, I suppose. Would you… like, do you want me to stop him if he tries?”“Am I a bad person if I say yes?” Titch asked. It felt hypocritical, after what had just happened, but when he imagined Xavier and Derek kissing… he really didn’t want to see that in real life.“Yes to me stopping him?”“Uhuh?”“I don’t think you are,” Derek said. “A bad person, I mean. I know I’ve been pushing you a bit. Honestly, I just enjoy seeing you be so… so in love, I suppose. I don’t think you’ve had that phase with me, have you?”“Ehm, I, of course, I…” Titch was struggling for words. What kind of trap was this? “I was just stressed at that time, you know? I fell in love with you. I’m still in love with you!”“Love, calm down,” Derek laughed. “I mean it, how often do I have to repeat that? You’re blushing, you’re nervous, it’s cute, I enjoy it. Yeah, we got together at a stressful moment. Your constant arguing with James, the curse-stuff, your father – God bless is soul – having just died. I’m serious when I say I enjoy seeing you like this, even if it’s not directed at me. You’re so… young in a way, when you act like this. It’s cute. I like seeing you happy. So if you don’t want me to kiss Xavier as well, I won’t.”“I can’t believe that just happened,” Titch said. “That man really has no shame.”“Of course he doesn’t. Have you seen the same show as I?” Derek raised his eyebrows. “They’re clearly quite shameless – all three of them – or they would’ve quit before they even started…”“It was really bad, wasn’t it?” Titch laughed and Derek nodded.“It took a lot of effort to give them compliments about it,” he admitted, giggling.Titch closed his eyes for a second. How bad would it really be, Derek and Xavier? He imagined them touching lips, weaving fingers in each other’s hair, in a way, it seemed quite innocent. So he took it a bit further in his mind, less friendly, more passionate… Maybe he could deal with it? The only real way to find that out felt incredibly risky thought. And Derek would be willing to take it slow, Titch was sure, but was Xavier? Probably not. Then again, Xavier might be tall, but there was no muscle to speak of. They were both farmers. If they didn’t want something to happen, it wouldn’t happen, so much was clear. How much did Derek want to happen? Could they stay a team through this?“Is this a really bad idea?” Titch asked Derek.“What?”“What?” Titch repeated, sarcastically.“Oh, right. Eh, maybe?”“I mean, not to be dramatic, but I’ve never been in a real, like, stable relationship before, and now we’re inviting so much chaos in.”“Do you want to stop?” Derek asked, sounding earnest.“No,” Titch admitted and he noticed he meant it.“Also, I assume the answer is no, but just to be clear: can I let Xavier kiss me?”“Yes, you can,” Titch answered after taking a deep breath. He felt nervous saying it and he wasn’t sure if it was a scared kind of nervous or an excited kind of nervous. Maybe both. He had no idea where all of this would lead, but he trusted Derek. Derek’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.“Are you serious?”Titch nodded.“He does smell like an ashtray though,” he warned.
Not much later, the three actors came back in and Xavier joined their table again, while the other two mingled with the crowd that was still hanging out.“I can’t believe you just introduced us both as your lovers,” Derek told Xavier, who smiled.“Why not? You may not be yet, but…” He looked at both of them, approvingly. “Well, I zink we all know it’s going to ‘appen, n’est-ce pas? You came by car?”“Yes,” Titch said, trying to sound like he was only answering the last question.“Could you give me a ride? Public transport is… horrible. And driving on ze left side of ze road, I can’t get used.”“Sure,” Titch answered, right before Derek asked:“To your place or ours?”“You just- what?!” Titch exclaimed and Derek shrugged, his expression gleefully shocked at his own words.“Mon appartement est uh, petit. We are not all going to fit, so…”“So, Derek drops us off and then drives on to the farm, alone?” Titch suggested.“Oh, you absolute bitch.” Derek pushed Titch, conveniently in Xavier’s direction, who gracefully caught him and buried his nose in Titch’s hair. Titch closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment for a second, before looking at Derek.“Yeah, so, our place it’s gonna be then?”
Xavier was lounging in the back seat, seemingly not concerned with wearing a seatbelt. When the annoying bleeping sound had begun, that indicated someone wasn’t wearing theirs, he had fastened it behind him to stop the beeps and went on lounging. And, sure, Derek was a good driver, despite having drunk two beers over the course of the evening, but Titch still felt like Xavier was being a little too confident back there.They had music playing, Derek and Xavier made some small talk and flirted a little. Titch tried to join in, but he was too focussed on what was to come to really engage. So they were actually taking him home? Things were moving so quickly! Xavier had kissed him once and promised Derek a kiss and now… what were they going to do? Nothing? Everything? Titch thought he’d be okay with Xavier and Derek kissing, he didn’t mind their flirting, but where would his boundaries be? What was sacred to them and what not? Would he have to find that out within one night? Would someone get hurt tonight?But then he looked in the rearview mirror, saw the man he was worrying about and felt actual butterflies in his stomach. Maybe things would be okay. Derek was right, although it felt almost unfair to admit it. Titch had never felt this way about him. Derek was the biggest sweetheart ever. He was handsome, for sure, but Titch had mostly fallen in love with his unrelenting loyalty and support, his patience, his sweet words… There had never been this tension of whether Derek liked him or not, because he made that more than clear from the beginning. If being with Derek was like taking a warm bath after a long day, Xavier made Titch feel like he was about to go skydiving. Way scarier, but also way more exciting.And Derek understood all that and was still supportive, still patient, still sweet. What a fucking catch that man was!
“Here we are,” Derek announced, parking the car in front of the farmhouse.“You sleep ‘ere?” Xavier asked, his gaze focussed on the rows and rows of greenhouses on their land. “With all zis lights?”“You get used to it,” Titch said.“That, and good curtains,” Derek completed.“At least you know some zings about aubergines.” Xavier grinned. “I’m sure you can teach me.” He put his arm around Derek’s waist and looked at him while slowly dropping it across Derek’s lower back. “I promised you a kiss,” he said, now stroking Derek’s neck with one hand and the other hand slowly reaching Derek’s back pockets – which Titch knew was quite a great place for a hand to be.Derek leaned in, exchanging a short moment of eye-contact with Titch, who nodded ever so slightly – it was more the though of nodding than the actual movement, but it was enough for Derek to give in to the sexy Frenchman. And now Titch was just watching his boyfriend and crush kissing each other. They took significantly longer than Xavier had done with Titch at the comedy club. He wasn’t sure what he felt. Surprisingly, he mostly felt nothing. He had expected to either be turned on or turned off by it, but now that it happened, it just… happened. When they were done, Derek had a bit of a dazed look in his eyes, Xavier turned to Titch, almost challengingly.“Your boyfriend is a good kisser,” he said, hand still in Derek’s back pocket.“I know,” Titch said. “I kiss him quite often.”“But I ‘aven’t properly tried you yet,” Xavier went on.“Let’s do that inside, yeah? No reason to do all this in the driveway when we have a perfectly fine house.” Titch sough eye-contact with Derek while going inside. Okay? Derek mouthed and Titch nodded again, so Derek smiled and then stuck out his tongue, bending over to Titch.“Ashtray,” he whispered.
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So far, Titch realised, Xavier had initiated everything that had happened. He decided it was time to change that, so as soon as they had entered the living room, Titch took Xavier by the collar, to pull him down into a real kiss – not like the little peck they had shared earlier. He had the feeling that tonight might be going too far, but he wanted to take the risk. He and Derek would make up if needed. Ashtray really didn’t taste that bad.Having his hands on Xavier’s collar already, Titch started opening the buttons of the Frenchman’s shirt, one at a time. Breaking free from the kiss, he looked at what he was doing and noticed Xavier’s skinny chest was quite heavily tattooed. Didn’t expect that. Titch opened the rest of Xavier’s shirt and made it slip off his shoulders to reveal the full art piece – or rather, page of sketches, because the different scribbles seemed to have very little to do with each other. Different styles, different themes, different quality, abstract, figurative, French words. Some had bled quite a bit, whereas others were crisp and well done. Most noticeable was the biggest piece, right over his heart: a large, solid black diamond-shape with a ship in white ink. Titch ran his fingers over it.“That must’ve hurt,” he commented. Not that he knew. Xavier shrugged.“It was not ze worst.”“Look, Derek,” Titch said, stepping aside so that his boyfriend could see the full picture as well. It looked pretty cool, Titch found. Maybe not very elegant, but it gave the otherwise elegant and, frankly, extremely flamboyant Xavier a rough edge.“Hm,” Derek said. He didn’t sound happy. Turning around, Titch saw he didn’t look happy either. Had he gone too far, taking Xavier’s shirt off? This was the plan, wasn’t it? Derek seemed so on board earlier – not even on board, he was the captain of this ship. He had started this whole thing. Was he having second thoughts?“Are you okay?” Titch asked, but Derek didn’t answer him. Instead, he asked Xavier:“Is that a cover-up?”“Oui,” Xavier said, either not noticing the change in atmosphere or deliberately ignoring it. “Name of an ex. I sailed away from ‘er, so that’s why the ship…”“Her?!” Titch’s jaw dropped. “You’re bi?” How? This man was the gayest person he had ever met! And he had looked in the mirror before, so that said something.“I can’t keep zis,” he gestured to his own body, “away from ‘alf the people, n’est-ce pas? It would be rude.”Titch laughed but Derek didn’t.“But why a Viking ship?” he asked. “And why the diamond shape? Are you sure ‘she’s’ your ex?”Xavier grinned at Derek.“Times change, but true love never leaves the ‘eart.”“I’m going to need you to leave our house,” Derek said, shocking Titch. What was going on? Xavier still loved his ex, Xavier was bi, Xavier was tattooed, which of those things was Derek’s problem? How were any of those a dealbreaker? Was Derek just looking for an excuse to stop this? But he had said he would be honest if things were going too far. Did they have history? Did Derek know whose name was tattooed there? Was it his? Titch’s thoughts were going a hundred miles an hour.“Derek, come on, you’re a man, you get it, don’t you?” Xavier protested, which confused Titch even more.“If getting this,” Derek pointed at the tattoo, “is what it takes to be a man, just call me Denise from now on. Get out.”And so, Xavier put his shirt back on and walked towards the door, past Titch, whom he tried to kiss goodbye, but Titch kept him at distance. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he was pretty sure on whose side he was.The door slammed shut.
Derek sat down on the couch, Titch didn’t know whether to join him or not, so he just lingered in the middle of the room.“What just happened?” He asked.“Xavier is an asshole,” Derek answered. “I, eh, I genuinely think he’s a neo-Nazi.”“WHAT?!” Of all the things Derek could have said… “Why?”“A Viking ship is a symbol of white supremacy,” Derek explained. “Have you never heard of that?”“I don’t spend as much time on social media,” Titch said, finally sitting down next to Derek, now that he felt assured at least the whole mood-swing wasn’t his fault.“And I think he used it to cover up something worse. Something, diamond-shaped, something that wouldn’t be easy to cover up in any other way…”“Like?” Titch was too confused to be thinking straight now. He’d rather Derek spelled it out for him.“Like a swastika. It’s not just the Viking ship. A lot of those other symbols were dog-whistles. I’m sort of glad I couldn’t read the French he had written on him, because I don’t think I want to know what it said.”“Unbelievable,” Titch sighed. Derek wrapped his arms around Titch. Thinking back at the evening, it did make sense of some of the jokes Xavier had made during the show, that at that moment felt like just kind of being in bad taste to him. Had he meant them? That was disgusting.“I’m sorry,” Derek said.“For what?”“That things turned out this way. It could’ve been so much fun. It eh, it sucks if you fall in love with someone who seems so perfect, but then they turn out to be a massive jerk.”Titch cuddled up to Derek.“Yeah, oh well, I still have you, don’t I? If he weren’t a Nazi…” Titch looked up at Derek. “Would we have done it?”“Why not?” Derek asked.“Why not…” Titch repeated. “Do you want this? A third person?”Derek let his fingers run through Titch’s hair.“Maybe, if we find someone we both like, who isn’t an actual Nazi. I don’t need a third,” he assured Titch. “I’m just not against the idea. What about you?”Titch sighed.“I don’t know. I think I just want to go to bed, honestly.”