Work Text
"Oh. Hey, Adora. You're home early."Catra shuts the front door, drops her satchel just inside the study, leans one crutch by the coat-rack, and goes to sit next to Adora on the sofa. Adora's trying to read a book, but she's staring blankly at the same page she left off at this morning. She sniffs."Yeah. I was just, um, helping out with setting up, uh - y'know that festival in Thaymor? And, um, it got too much, and I had a panic attack. So Bow made me come home." "Bow was there?" "Archery festival. Some guy did a thing, like, two hundred years ago. I don't know."Adora closes her eyes and leans nearer to Catra. Smiling gently, Catra runs her claws through Adora's hair. She's slowly moving away from keeping it in a ponytail all the time. Slowly."If you're tired, you're allowed to go lie down."Hm. Adora's usually the one saying that to Catra. "Can we cuddle?", asks Adora quietly. "Yeah. Sure." "I mean, as long as you're not busy, or anything, or as long as you wouldn't hurt, or-" "Adora."Catra holds Adora's upper arm in a vice-grip."What part of 'yeah, sure' went over your thick head? Was it the bit where I said yes already?" Adora takes a deep breath."Sor- not. I'm not sorry. I'm..."She flounders for a second, very nearly defaulting back to an apology."Thank you." "Mm."Realising that Adora, unprompted, will stay exactly where she is, Catra gets up and heads through to their bedroom, and half-lies down on top of the duvet without checking to see if Adora's followed her. It takes a few seconds for Adora to turn up, and then self-consciously pull off her cardigan and lie down next to Catra. She crosses her arms over her chest, because it feels good. "Yeah, you're right, you'd make a pretty corpse, Princess.", Catra mutters, leaning over Adora. Adora blushes slightly and uncrosses her arms."I just..."She waves her hands around a bit, trying to find the words."I want to be squished." "Can do."Catra turns forward, so she's half-draped over Adora."Is this okay?" "Can you do it more?" "Sure."So Catra shifts herself a little to the side, and then she's entirely lying on top of Adora, leaning her forehead on Adora's sternum. Adora sighs. It's a little harder to, now, but for some reason, that's calming. And there's the slight sensation of a purr running through her chest - Adora's always loved that, ever since she found out she'd never be able to herself."Yeah. That's - this is good."She runs her hands over Catra's fluffy ears."Thank you." "You don't have to thank me, Princess.", Catra mumbles. "You look out for me, like, all the time, so I'm looking out for you. Promise." After quite a long while of gently petting Catra and trying to be meditative, Adora loudly whispers, "There were horses there." "Oh." "I like horses." "I know."
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[Hello, and thank you for reading A Constellation of Moments. Here are a few notes to bear in mind whilst reading:
- Everything you read is subject to change. I am constantly editing chapters, adding bits, deleting bits, etc. If you see something that doesn't add up, feel free to point it out and it'll either be a mistake I made, or a very subtle detail- Direct speech from me, the author, will be shown in [square brackets] and slightly indented with a quote marker. Each scene usually has multiple notes.- It is important to remember, especially in first-person scenes and when reading dialogue, that every character is fallible (can make mistakes) and also, fairly often, is carefully deciding what to say in order to get what they want. Basically, when reading in perspective or when reading dialogue, don't trust it. It's probably lies (outright or by omission), or wrong.- The middle of a chapter may include a scene break (horizontal line). This indicates that the first scene on that particular date has ended and another is about begin. Time stamps (15:45) may appear at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a scene, and they do not break the scene.- Many scenes will begin in media res, or even in the middle of a conversation. Where this happens, I will indicate which characters are present and which are speaking.- My dialogue and paragraphs are formatted slightly unusually. This just makes distinctions clearer. It is odd, but at least consistent. I also think it looks better on a computer than a phone.- When I say 'freeform' I mean that as well as actual scenes, there are various letters, files, records and transcripts. I also switch liberally between 1st and 3rd person (there's even some 2nd person thrown in there somewhere) and the past and present tenses, and between different characters' perspectives.
Here are a few notes on my own headcanons:
- The First Ones are confirmedly human (Light Hope's 'human interaction' programming), and therefore, the Etherians are a humanoid but non-human species - almost indistinguishable by eye.- The early Etherians could and did learn First Ones - Madame Razz certainly did. Although, is she an Etherian? A question for another time.- Etherians take vocational names, such as Sea Hawk. Cultural context may also result in oddly specific names, such as Frosta.- Horde Prime is lazy about the details. He only cares about how the big picture looks.- She-Ra's healing process takes the biological self-healing mechanism and ramps it up by 1000%. As such, unfortunately, it's not great for autoimmune conditions.- Finn, in this world, is not Catra and Adora's child - they are EXP351/04, Catra's half-sibling. EXP351/01 died at 6 months old, EXP351/02 died at 1 year 10 months old, and EXP351/03 is Catra. After Finn's birth, the war started to ramp up, and nonessential experimentation was suspended.- The Horde hierarchy descends as follows: Hordak (and personal team), Force Captain, Cadet Officer first to sixth order, Cadet, Soldier first to sixth order, Auxiliary. The difference between a soldier and a Cadet is that soldiers are recruited after the age of 12, and Cadets are recruited before and thus indoctrinated as children.- Shadow Weaver has an unusually small group of Cadets. This is because she collects 'special' ones: Rogelio is an experiment, Lonnie is a hostage, Shadow Weaver just liked Adora, Catra is an experiment, Kyle's parents were powerful (much like Scorpia's). They are given here in descending order of age.- The Best Friends Squad, accompanied by Spinny, Netty and Entrapta (collectively Team Darla), do undertake their 'one last roadtrip', travelling for several months around the universe on Darla. While this happens, Hordak is entrusted with overseeing Dryl, and Micah runs Bright Moon.- My full version includes Catra's death. However, I {A) don't want to make you sad} and {B) don't know how to write that properly}, so this collection cuts off in 1015 or so. Therefore, no characters die except the ones that canonically do in the series (and also some throwaway characters)- Catra's most often depicted as kind-of furry all over but I've always imagined her with some thin fur down her back and tummy, and furry ears, and very slightly fuzzy skin (also very soft skin but that's for a different reason). Also I never imagine her with a tail, but you can pretend it's there, I just don't mention it- If you enjoy reading Melog, then, many apologies unto you; I keep forgetting it exists
THE TIMELINE
Time references (the little collections of letters) are also provided. These will be given alongside the scene date and title in the titles of chapters. -=-=-=- PreM (y<0) -=-=-=- {before Mara's death}-0001 December 31: Etheria moves into Despondos just before midnight-=-=-=- Pre (0<y<965) -=-=-=- {before my general narrative}0000 January 1: Mara dies two minutes after midnight-=-=-=- CW (965<y<979) -=-=-=- {the Mystacor/Martynist conflict}Some point in 965: Martyn declares his manifesto to the Sorcerers' Guild-=-=-=- PreSR (979<y<1000) -=-=-=- {before She-Ra}0982: Catra and Adora are born0999 December 31: Adora runs away-=-=-=- Cur. (1000<y<29/12/1001) -=-=-=- {during S1-S4}1000 January 1: Adora transforms into She-Ra for the first time two minutes after midnight1001 April 4: Angella dies and the message to Horde Prime goes through-=-=-=- T1 (29/12/1001<y<30/1/1002) -=-=-=- {on the flagship}1001 December 29: Etheria moves into the wider universe1002 January 27: Catra is chipped-=-=-=- D1aC aka T2 (29/12/1001<y<15/2/1000) -=-=-=- {Darla 1 and camp}-=-=-=- T3 (15<2<1000<y<7/4/1002) -=-=-=- {interim at Bright moon}1002 February 15: Horde Prime is defeated-=-=-=- TD aka D2 (7/4/1002<y<14/9/1002) -=-=-=- {Team Darla mission}1002 April 8: Team Darla departs-=-=-=- Post (7/4/1002<y) -=-=-=- {after my general narrative}1002 September 14: Team Darla returns1002 December 30: Sea Hawk and Mermista marry1003 March 2: Glimmer and Bow marry1003 June to September: there is a famine in the Northern Reach1004 September 12: Catra and Adora marry1007 October 19: Glimmer and Bow's child, Seren Angel, is born1011 May 15: Scorpia and Perfuma marry Several notes on time references:- These overlap based on perspective - while Glimmer is in T1 on the flagship, Bow is in T2 on Darla, and while Entrapta is in TD on Darla, Hordak is already in Post overseeing Dryl.- Catra is my main character. Therefore my segmentation choices are based on her story. If I was writing mainly about Glimmer, say, then there would be separate sectors for before and after the portal.- They exist mainly for me. I jump around in time a lot and can't be bothered to memorise dates. Therefore I like to have a way to talk about general bits of time where a set of rules is true, e.g. in T1, Catra is generally (read: always) on the flagship, but in T3, Catra and Adora are generally at Bright Moon.
On the reading order of these chapters:
The easiest way to read this story is the usual way, which is to read all of the scenes in order. However, I will refer to the introduction of David Crystal's book How Language Works to explain that:
"It is not necessary to read the book 'from left to right'. Each chapter* is designed as a self-contained unit, and there are many cross-references to associated chapters. ... The section in a car manual which tells you about its tyres can be read independently of the one which tells you about its lights."
*Where Crystal refers to "chapters", I would refer to my acts, or, collections of scenes with a common title, such as Scars -III to Scars VI. If deciding to read the scenes out of chronological order, it does make sense to read each act's scenes in their proper order.Recommendations for adventurous readers: skip Penelope, and read Scars first, and then go back to Penelope after Scars IV like a flashback. Read A Letter from Mystacor after Teo's Meeting Transcript. Don't read Cam all at once - it ruins the effect that the reader is missing bits from their story. However, do read Finn all at once, including EXP-351.Also, song-lyric chapters are best read after listening to the titular song about 10 times. I say that because I write them after listening to the song about 50 times.Also, narrative turning points in general are: Birthday, Scars, Alone, Torches, Enemy, Doubt, Scars V, Constellations, The Palace V, Dinner, Mandatory Evac / Counting Cars, Perception III, Mystacor VI, Catradora, AFCC -I, Disbelief, and Princess Prom. It's a twisty narrative.
Thank you so much for your patience and understanding reading this preface. I hope I have not bored you too much.
Good luck!]
PS: Many apologies if chapters are mixed up in the wrong order. Always trust the date and not the chapter order.
PPS: There is some inconsistency over perspective markers and "OK"/"okay". Am working on standardisation
PPPS: Please do ask questions; this is a story of details, many of which will not be explained
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[Serenia speaks, in the recording, as the voice of Rebel Squadron Grayskull. Therefore, is it inconceivable that she is the leader of Rebel Squadron Grayskull? Therefore (especially since native Etherians don't seem to have last names) is it inconceivable that her full name is Serenia Grayskull? Therefore, is it inconceivable that she is related somehow to Adora Grayskull? Therefore, in my humble opinion, although we never actually see what Serenia looks like, I reckon she looks kind of like Adora. I also ship her with Mara because why not. They both deserve some happiness]
Serenia tossed a strawberry in the air, trying to catch it in her mouth - it missed entirely. Laughing, Mara picked it up off the picnic blanket and threw it at her, leaving a little red mark where it hit her blonde hair."Idiot. No spatial awareness." "You think you can do better, Princess?"The title 'Princess' was special to Mara - so Etherian, so pretty - and Serenia'd started using it as a nickname for her. "No, no, wait - watch this. It's so cool."Mara pulled the ring off her thumb and it turned into a blue crystal sword. She grabbed a strawberry from the basket, and threw it up in the air: the blade sliced it clean in two, one part landing somewhere in the grass and the other on her plate. Mara picked up the strawberry half and popped it in her mouth. Serenia clapped slowly."Very impressive. I can do three at once, but..." "You cannot." "So can! Give me that." Serenia made a grab for the sword, but Mara turned it back into a ring."Nuh-uh. No swords for you." "I kill one pot plant and Light Hope gives up on me." "Yeah, but it was a really nice plant, to be fair. She actually remembered to water it herself. And she never does that." Serenia started peeling some sort of orange-red fruit. An import from Krytis, probably."Wait. That place is full of plants." "Yeah, and?"Mara lay down, watching the clouds drifting overhead. "Who waters the rest of 'em?"Mara gave a small smile to Serenia, anticipating the response."Maraaa!", complained Serenia through her mouthful. "Stop taking on more responsibilities. You've already got Eternia on your back what with dealing with the Horde. And there's a queue that want healing. And a queue that want rescuing. And a queue that want impartial judgement. And then where's the space for me?" Actually, there'd been a lot of space for Serenia recently. Eternia had kind of just stopped sending Mara out on duties sometime last year. It was weird, but she didn't want to complain because Etheria was wonderful."Okay, then. I'll kill the lot of the plants, and I'll tell Light Hope who made me do it. And then we'll see how much fencing she wants to teach you." "I could fence you in a circle and you'd walk yourself into prison."A line direct from an Erland play. The villages near the Crystal Castle tended to put on amateur but enjoyable shows. "And I'd thank you for the land.", quoted Mara. "Anyway, th-" Serenia started waving madly."Hey, Phemeris! How's it going?" Holding up a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, Mara turned her head to see the local cobbler. He lifted his hat just a bit off his head at them - funny gesture, that - and continued wherever he was going with a wheelbarrow full of miscellaneous junk. Was that an Eternian-915 graphics unit in there? Mara didn't really care. The Etherians could do whatever they liked with that tech. Anything on a planet this far out was guaranteed to be a couple years out of date. Serenia lay down next to Mara, grabbing a handful of strawberries, and threw them one at a time into the air. None of them landed in her mouth, or Mara's. Mara wiped a bit of red juice off her face."Starting to look like a murder scene, here.", she giggled.
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[Serenia]
"Eye contact.", Mara whispers to me, and I bite my lip and tense up. She nudges the back of her hand against the back of mine, and - just slightly - I relax. The doors open, and a small chime quiets the crowd."Visiting from Etheria: Mara, the She-ra; Serenia, Carver of Worlds; and, Anatoly, the Creator." My new shoes step too loudly, and with each click, they're rubbing blisters into the backs of my heels.
Chin up, kid, you're gonna change the world. Go get 'em.
Flatten my shoulders, breathe with my whole chest, and smile like the universe balances on it. Don't think about Mara - she's right there, but she's somewhere else entirely, because we're only one being when we're back on Etheria. Walk with decorum, keep my hands still, keep my gaze level. "Revered Host.", says Mara smoothly. "Thank you for your hospitality. From Etheria, we have brought teaching materials on sorcery." The Host chuckles."A dying art in our time, hm? I would have expected you children to ply me with technology." "Quite the opposite. Etheria has never been settled before, aside from its natives. The whole planet is a time capsule."I've never understood how Mara goes off-script so easily, but somehow she sees her way into the workings of these things. Sometimes she sees things she shouldn't. "Ah, you must hold your own Ball sometimes, She-Ra of Etheria.", says the Host. The back of Mara's hand brushes against mine again, and Anatoly and I bow to the Host, and then the three of us make our way through to the ballroom. Mara picks up some sort of fizzy drink, and starts scanning the crowd."Ren, talk to Major Yr. I have my eye on her for a recruit. Nat - Lieutenant Colonel Andrias. Information. I'll wander in the middle third until the first dance - then, we meet by the deer statue." "For the honour of Grayskull.", I whisper back to her, and then sidle over to Yr.
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11:48 PM Mara could feel the world crumbling into itself. All was pain, crushing and tearing and shattering. Her hand was heavy where the sword wasn't - and there was weight all over, dragging, suffocating weight - gravity laying itself down in the grave of that pulsating void. 11.49 PM The ship jutted over the warping horizon, beckoning. Mara couldn't feel her feet walking toward it. Razz was still, somehow, trailing her. There would be no pie. There would be no tomorrow. The ground was shaking, overwhelmed by the quantity of magic being forced out of every fissure in it. Sparkles tumbled in the air. Mara tried to remember when she'd liked those. She couldn't. She still, however, watched them, shearing off those blazing, screaming columns - the heraldry of a new era. 11.58 PM The last thing Mara saw was the empty sky. She'd done it. Finally. It was over. And the last thing Mara felt was acceptance. She'd done it. And that was enough.
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"No, do go on, Sylvia, darling." I hand my drink to a Melog and lean forward."So, as it turns out, their-" The doorbell rings. I excuse myself, and leave the party. It'd better be good news - and nothing I'm not responsible for. I hate being interrupted. "What business?" It's a young man at the door, wearing a messenger's green."General Andrias would like you to know that- that-" "Sometime this century, perhaps?" "The Etherian colony has... disappeared." I am momentarily stunned. Not only at the news, but at this man's incompetence. Disappeared my arse. Andrias isn't a child."Well? How? Disease? Have they been invaded? Is it magic?" "The - um."I glare at him. There's a sheen of sweat on his forehead."The planet is... gone. Disappeared. There's just a void where it was." Ah. Magic, then. Some concealment spell. There's only a few people equipped to deal with this."Where is the She-Ra? And the Creator?"I don't ask about the whereabouts of the World Carver - she's always with the She-Ra. Each claims the other as her 'wyf'. "They were... on Etheria." "All three?"This is... suspicious. Extremely so. They should have been on the front lines - why were the whole lot of our heroes posted on that backwater planet on the far edge of the warring territories? I smell a rat. "Y- yes, General." I shoot the messenger dead, there and then. Shame. He had a pretty face. My guests, curious at the noise, come to investigate. I grab the wine glass from my partner's hand and empty it in one gulp, then brandish the weapon in my hand."Something's going on. I'm going to go find out what."
[Yes, I will resort to the 80's cartoon as a source material - Melog is a species name. Our Melog, the contemporary one, only takes a cat form because it imprints on Catra. Here is where my headcanon begins: our Melog doesn't give itself a name because Melogs didn't get names - they acted as servants to the First Ones. Our Melog is the last of its species.]
[I haven't explored this throwaway character, 'the Creator', much apart from the following - his name was Anatoly Rajne (pronounced rain). His Runestone took the form of a paintbrush. He led Rebel Sqaudron Rajne, based in a Snows village called Silverfledis, and he and his Runestone were both killed on January 3, 1000.]
h2332
Lost contact with Mara. Remaining contacts Alwinn, Silverfledis, Erland.Still unsafe to leave outpost.{dictated: Phemeris is working on making outpost technologically untraceable. I hope Mara's okay. She didn't send a distress.}
h2358
Lost contact with Erland. Remaining contacts Alwinn, Silverfledis.Still unsafe to leave outpost.{dictated: Silverfledis is reporting that the stars have disappeared. Alwinn can't confirm it, and obviously we can't. Um, but... if it's true, Mara might have had to use the portal escape. So... we're stuck.}
h2359
{dictated: Mara's disappeared from the interface. That - that means she's... the ship's destroyed. Irreparable. So...}
h0125
{dictated: Phemeris says they're not actually trying to find us by tracing the technology. That's weird, right? I - I don't know who I'm asking that to. Hi... if you're there. Listening, or reading, or... whatever. Rebel Squadron Grayskull is... holding up. No. I'm lying. I'm going crazy. I should go sit with the others. The comms room is lonely.}
h0348
Lost contact with Silverfledis. Remaining contacts: Alwinn.Still unsafe to leave outpost.
h0351
Lost contact with Alwinn.Still unsafe to leave outpost.{dictated: Alwinn just sent a distress. They're - they're ripping up the earth to find the outposts. Destroying everything. No prisoners. ...I'm - I'm scared. I don't want to die. I heard them - Rebel Squadron Eve - dying. Then the radio cut off.}
h0355
{dictated: I left an open message immediately available. Signing off for the whole squadron. Maybe... maybe... I don't know. I don't know how long there is left. I think I'm going to spend the rest of it with the squad. There's not really any point in a record anymore, really. So -}{dictated: Oops, the recorder cut off. It only registers speech. I was - no one's going to see this, are they? - I'm crying. Um, so...}{dictated: I'm Serenia Grayskull, leader of Rebel Squadron Grayskull, which is a regiment of the Etherian Protectors. I'm thirty-three years old. I've been married to Mara, She-Ra, for nineteen years - marriage is such an Etherian custom, isn't it? Hah.}{dictated: I said, when we found out about the Heart Project, that I was willing to give my life to protect my home. Our home. And, today, I'm making good on that promise. So, uh...}{dictated: Goodbye.} The She-Ra got a message out to the Rebellion network. We got the go-ahead. It is a particular and wonderful type of freedom, knowing that I am already martyred; that my actions will echo throughout the ages; that I am nothing but Destruction and Chaos. I am sprinting through corridors, sliding through crawlspaces, flying on the wings of Death, breaking anything that will break and burning anything that will burn. I am a saviour of the universe. My knife hits something through a thin wall and I hear the distinctive shatter of a computer. Good. I leave the knife in there, in the hopes something'll short-circuit, and pull another from my belt. "Wynn!"Ah - it's Peorth, one of the messengers. I raise a fist to him. "What news?", I call. "The Heart - did the Failsafe work?" He's shaking. Sobbing."Stop. Stop. We have to stop. Oh - oh, Wyn, Etheria's gone. And - it's the Horde. They have... billions. It's - they've advanced to Notos. Taken the planet. And-" "That old relic? They can have it!"Adrenaline is still coursing through my veins. It takes me a long minute to process. Gone? Where - is it the Heart? Why are we not dead, if it is? And the Horde? They were retreating! They were defeated! Billions? How?"I - uh - I'll get Yr to call us in for briefing." "Yr is dead. General Sylvia - didn't even know she was in the rebellion - she went rogue. Ran. The martials killed Yr and all Sylvia's unit. Sylvia's... I'm not sure." My skin prickles with cold. Yr was supposed to make it out. Yr was supposed to institute the New Order. Peorth is collapsing to his knees. I drop my knife, and kneel down next to him."Lies. It's all lies. They want to stop us from inconveniencing them. We have to fight. Eternia is the enemy."I don't believe it myself but I want to. I want to believe that I am a saviour. Where's Thorn got to? Eolhx? Are they dead too? My ears suddenly snap louder than anything and I can't hear and Peorth's head is a bloody mess and there's a martial in front of me and I don't want to die I don't want to
[Again. Sorry for all the death.]
[I needed to name, like, a whole set of throwaway characters so I just named them after Futhorc runes haha]
[Because of a decision I made about 1000 years in the future, the First Ones' (they actually know themselves as 'human') home planet is Notos, like Andalus to the Cybermen. All their real infrastructure exists on Eternia, which is what the Rebels are attacking in this scene.]
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[Penelope.]
Finally, the Myssionaries are leaving today, and taking me with them. Away from Colonia, and my family, and Adney in my ear all night telling me I'm going to hell. Master Palaia's spent the last two weeks talking to me every spare moment, and I'm learning so much more than I ever did in the schoolroom. My own town has been invaded by Martynists, trying to steal our sorcery - I, of course, am with Mystacor, fighting for our right to practice. Palaia's also been telling me about the colleges in Mystacor. They've got halls with ceilings taller than the mast of a ship, and food like nothing I've ever tasted, and the biggest library in Etheria. She told me you can taste the knowledge in the air. I can't wait. My family refuse to accompany me to the town border. This morning, I take my suitcase to the front door, and there we say our goodbyes. "I'll remember to write." Dad coughs."You'd better behave.", he snaps. Mum hugs me."I'll miss you, Penny. There's always a place for you at home." "There's a need for the girl, too.", adds Dad, quietly. Then, louder, "Remember your place. I won't have some snob sitting at my kitchen table, if you do decide to return to such humble beginnings." Adney hugs me, and whispers her goodbye in my ear."If you do come back home, it had better be in a coffin, witch." I know my parents heard the last word. Mum purses her lips, and Dad gives a proud little hmph. Adney flashes him a smirk. She knows he hasn't the guts, for all his posturing, to call me a slur. She's always been his happy little puppet. I force a grin."Bye, then." And the door is shut, and I run to catch up with Palaia and Marcia and Silvia.
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[The first speaker is Euridice.]
"Penelope? I haven't seen you for two months!" "You know that's not my name, Mum."Light Spinner turns around. "Wh-why are you hiding your pretty smile, Penny?" "My name is Light Spinner." "...Does Master Norwyn..." "Master Norwyn says I'm the greatest sorcerer he's taught. Ever." "Then surely you can take a holiday. Your father is getting worse." "Oh?" "That's what I came to tell you. The best healers gave him four months to live." "I'm sorry."Light Spinner stands up, tucks her chair in, and picks up her nearly-finished essay."My studies take priority." Euri's expression changes."You never had much love for your father, did you? He's a good man." "And I a happy child? Don't delude yourself, mother." "Please come home. Ariadne told me to tell you she's sorry." "Ariadne can mind her own damn business." "She's with Mystacor now-" "The Martinysts have no influence here. Adney can do as she pleases. It doesn't affect me." "Penny, please. Let's reunite the family one more time." "My name", says Light Spinner firmly, "is no longer Penelope. You're not welcome in Mystacor, Mother - it's a community of sorcerers." Euri scoffs."Well, an attitude like that is practically driving people into the Martynists."Light Spinner walks away as Euri continues to speak, louder and louder until the whole Cloisters is watching from behind their books."Hate to say it but I can understand Adney's point of view! You're an elitist, closed-off, stuck up..." She doesn't finish. Adney did the job already two months ago. Light Spinner looks Euri in the eye one last time before leaving.
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No one ever saw the flash of light in midair. Not even the person that fell out of it. He blinks the spots out of his eyes. The dense air is deliciously warm, and the ground is covered with soft tendrils. There is a curious quality about the place - running as an undercurrent to the whole thing - that seems... powerful. He, unfortunately, is still himself. Upon this realisation, the wonder recedes and is replaced by a millennium of training. How can he make this place of use to him? That curious quality, however, has already seeded itself in the back of his mind. Subconsciously, he is thinking, how can I get home? It has woven itself, too, into his destiny - home, it has decided, could mean a great many different things. And this begins with a home in his own mind, and a name. Hordak sees a city on the horizon.
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Seaworthy18, Hamish Rd.Mark 980, February 14th My dear Brother, I hope that this Letter finds you well. I do believe, in the face of all the Anguish that has struck the Western Peninsula, that we have won for ourselves a great Victory. In a meeting on the Eleventh, I discovered that reports of the use of Magic in our Colonia have dwindled to nothing; the practicing of Magic is ever closer becoming a figment of History, of no use to our Modern and Equal Society. This pertains, in particular, to that practice of Magic by Princesses: the good Public has lost its trust in Princesses since the Scorpion Kingdom fell to the Invaders. I feel that this is a significant development in our Mission, wherein Sorcery has been well eradicated in all places excepting for Mystacor, but the Magic of the Princesses was, until recently, widely respected. Please write to me as to the Health of your Husband and newest Daughter. I do hope that, fairly soon, you be disposed to take your Self and your Family and visit me here. The current climate in Colonia is one of fear; but we shall not let it conquer us. Many leave from the Harbour, claiming that the Invaders are soon to crush our good Town. To these I laugh. My Knowledge of the Councilmen of Colonia gives me assurance that the Invaders are soon to make a Truce with our town. Please write to me also of the Attendance of your own Meetings. It is essential, as I have exhorted in my previous Letters, to have our Mission move Northwards toward that Mystacor. Mine own Meetings are attracting an Attendance of nearly Three-Quarters of a Thousand, and I would be delighted to hear that you had gathered a tenth as many. As ever, your devoted Brother,Martyn. Postscript. An hour before the sending of this Letter, the Truce has been made. The group called the 'Invaders' seems peaceable, and have pledged to interfere only minimally with our Governance, and allow us full faculties of our own Harbour. It may surprise you to hear that more than Several of the People of Colonia feel that these 'Invaders' would be a Positive Change for the Western Peninsula, which has languished particularly behind those advances of the great Cities of Clara Luna, Saleneas, and Snows.
This letter never made it to Mark, who, having heard rumours of the Horde's invasion of Colonia, was already crossing the Median Sea. Nothing other than his departure from the Seaworthy harbour is known - the Colonian harbour records are in custody of the Horde, so there is no way of knowing if he ever made it to Horde territory.
The letter itself was brought to the library by Mark's youngest son, Ajax, who moved to the Bright Moon area (surreptitiously referred to in the letter as 'Clara Luna') soon after Seaworthy crime rates skyrocketed in 987. - George
It has since become apparent that Mark did, in fact, make it to Colonia. From there he realised the gravity of the situation, and became involved in a programme that secretly continued the old Colonian education system. Mark was discovered, conscripted by the Horde and killed on the front lines in the space of two weeks, in November 0990. - George
[The difference between High (written) and Low (spoken) Etherian is an example of diglossia. No one actually speaks like the above letter, but no one writes in the informal style they speak in (with exceptions for familiarity etc). Notably, this does not apply in the Horde, which keeps very utilitarian records - the ex-Horde soldiers have to learn High Etherian in order to integrate properly.]
[Written Etherian has no real standardisation for spelling (especially of place names) or grammar, and it varies a lot by region.]
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[I don't know if I've previously established that, in the Etherian dialect, the word "ia", appearing in the modern language as a suffix (see "Erelandia", as well as names like "Scorpia"), means "place of", much like, in English, the suffix "ford" in a place name means "river crossing", but due to its age, also appears in person names like "Clifford".]
My dearest Caile, I write to implore thee to ask a forgiveness of leaue from thy posting at ia Erland. I fear that thou might soon be overhwelmed by a difference of opinions.I speak not of ovr ignorent friends, but of the New Kingdom of ia Scorpen, of which I am certain that news has reached thy ears. I would fain that thee retvrnest to the College with haste.So do I worry of thee always, that I neglect my study. Master Norwyn speaketh to me often with the greatest of disdane. Faithfully,Ruby.
Approved for postage by the College of Natural Studies
This letter heavily uses euphemism in order to avoid censorship.
"ask forgiveness of leave" - desertion, or literally, asking for forgiveness after abandoning the post without leave
"difference of opinions" - conflict / war
"our ignorant friends" - the Martynists, based on the Martynist argument that a lack of magical ability is a barrier to a good education in the Mystacor colleges
"the New Kingdom of ia Scorpen" - the Fright Zone, or, the Horde - a simple affixation of "New" to the old place name
It is unknown how this letter entered the collection at the library. - Lance
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... ...
[Imagine that these several entries append a file full of entries about Norwyn]
... ... 13.03.981. At approximately 0330 hours this morning, Master Norwyn was murdered by the sorceress Light Spinner, who had seduced Applicant Micah into performing alongside her the illegal Spell of Obtainment. It is noted that, due to the illegality of the aforementioned, documentation as to the effects of the user's magic is sparse. It is therefore regrettable, due to the lack of Master Norwyn's physical remains, the status of his life is as yet unkown. During this time of crisis, Act 87 has come into effect, and the Guild Council now has full responsibility. At 0521 hours this morning the Guild Council declared Callisto, whom Norwyn had previously named as his successor, as Guild Master Regent, until Master Norwyn is discovered. 14.03.981. I would like to kindly remind our readers that relevant information concerning figures involved in events is found in the files under their own names. Summarily, however, the sorceress Light Spinner is missing. Search warrants and parties have been put out, to no effect as yet. Light Spinner has been struck from the Guild, and is faced with charges of the highest order upon her return. Applicant Micah faces no charges for his part in the proceedings. One is forced to wonder whether his mother's position as Guild Master Regent has any standing on this matter. At this time, he remains at his lodgings in the Youth College.
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[The first speaker in this chapter is Hordak. Also present are Shadow Weaver and a baby. They are all in Hordak's lab.]
"What do we do with it, Weaver?" It wailed pathetically. "We can't put it in with the general Cadets, my lord. The way the last two turned out... we don't want to give the impression that we hold with that kind of thing." "Well, I can't kill it now and autopsy. It's not - could you shut it up? Damn thing's doing my head in." "It's cold, my lord.", said Shadow Weaver.Hordak wandered over to a shelf and produced a slightly stained microfibre cloth, which he balled up and threw at Shadow Weaver. She swaddled the baby. It didn't shut up."It might need to eat.", she then suggested. "There is no food in the laboratory, Weaver." Sometimes, Shadow Weaver hated the obstinate man."Put up with the crying, then." "You dare speak to me like that?"His heart wasn't in the remonstration, however; he was not angry but brooding."You keep a collection of children, do you not? The odd ones." "I have the lizard - four years old now - and the sorcerer hostage, and the one from the portal. I daresay my hands are quite full." Disregarding the final statement, Hordak said, "Take this one too then. It can turn out as broken as it likes. Your reputation has nothing to lose." He picked it up and foisted it on Shadow Weaver. She didn't want it - but there was no saying no now. It was still crying. In the process of transporting it, Shadow Weaver had her robes dribbled on. Disgusting.
[Shadow Weaver calls the baby 'Catherine Elisabeth' by picking randomly from a list.]
[You are going to keep seeing the word "broken" throughout the story. It accrues meaningfulness.]
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[The first speaker is Cameron.]
"Mummy? Where are we?" "Oh joy, you've woken up. We're going to Grandad's. Cam, you have to listen to me - you have to behave. You're a normal child, OK? It's a game of pretend." "The ground is orange." "I know. I know. Be quiet, Cam. Look, all these other people can be quiet." "Strangers. Can't talk to strangers." "Shh. Look, I've got sweets for you. If you're good, I'll give you sweets. OK?" "I don't want to go to Grandad's!" "Shhh. Shh, be quiet. We have to be quiet. Or - or I'll tell your dad you were being bad." "..." "Well done, Cam. Here you go, have a sweet. We'll be there soon."
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"Happy birthday, babygirl! Do you like it? It's called Kowl. Or, he's called Kowl, or whatever. Cassie gave me a pattern for a bird, but I don't think I did it quite right. And - oh, mummy's back!Aw, you got breakfast, honey? Thank you so much." "I made it, actually. An Alwynian recipe. Mareia recommended it." "Look, babygirl! Mummy made apple sauce. Sccchhhuuu, here comes the flying boat!How're you doing, Angie? Did you hear back from Frances yet? Glimmer's been a little bit lonely. I think it'd be a good idea to set up a playdate with Perfuma." "Buh! Uh. ...Dada!" "Yeah, what is it, babygirl?" "Ha! Avvvvvbbbbbb." "How long did that take you to make, dear? And I thought you didn't like sewing?" "I guess Glimmer's really bringing out my househusbanding tendencies. You, too - this is some top-notch apple sauce." "Thank you, dear." "Adora? What is this?" Nervously, Adora pulls her scabbed-over elbow away from Shadow Weaver and hides it with her hand."Catra's teefing-" "Elocution, Adora." "Catra's teef-ing, s-" "Th. Teeth. Tongue forward."Shadow Weaver crouches down and runs her hand over the side of Adora's face."I trust that you will not continue to be so irresponsible as to allow Catra to injure you, yes?" "Yes, Shadow Weaver.", whispers Adora. Later, Shadow Weaver sees the same bite marks on Catra's knee - they do not recur anywhere on Adora. This, she decides, is a job well done. She breaks open a bottle of vintage Mystacor wine - one of the many Norwyn'd given her.
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I know exactly what I'm doing; after all, I learned from the best. Adney got the grades; I got the sharp sting of a hand to my face, and hours of expensive tutoring. Don't dare complain. Adney got the charm; I got the magic. Witch. Adney got the father; I got the landlord. Hot and cold and cold and hot until it was just warm enough that I stayed. And I mustn't just know what to do - I must know what not to do. You're like my daughter. Fathers kiss their daughters; it's affectionate. Norwyn's teeth on my jaw and my neck didn't feel paternal, but I had no frame of reference. And it became It's not wrong if we're both consenting adults. And then, Go ahead. It's not like I'm forcing you to stay. And I will not make the same mistakes he did. The Black Garnet's power convulses under my grasp, throwing me off, in response to my sudden grasp at it. I rid myself of the emotion. I am not desperate; I am cold. I am calculating. I am beholden to nothing and to nobody. The Black Garnet shines pinkish-red at me; altogether too bright. I will wait until it's out of this mood, then. I walk over to my Force's supply boxes from next month - and, as I say, I know exactly what I'm doing. From my own personal stash, I hide two apples - one in Adora's box, and one in Catra's. It's a delicate balancing act, but if I play my cards right, I will have two weapons by my side when this all goes to hell.
[Adora]
Something hits me square on top of the head."Hey!"I wave my hand vaguely above me, looking around for what it was. Oh - an apple. Green. I like red better. "I'm not eating that, so you'd better.", says Catra from up on her bunk. I go to grab the apple before Lonnie spots it, and half-prepare to throw it back to Catra."Why not? They taste good. I got one, too." She hops down and starts to look through my cardboard box for this week."If you got a t-shirt, I'm taking it."I didn't, but if I did, she wouldn't have to take it - I'd give it to her. The one she's wearing now has a tear in the back stapled together. I sit on my bed, and hold the apple out to her."Why don't you want it?" "I'm bored."She waves bye-bye to me and hurries out of the dorm.
[symbolic thread: catra doesn't want the apple?]
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"MICAH IS DEAD!"Mercier clears the space between the door and Angella in four paces and seizes her by the elbow. His voice drops from an angry yell to an angrier whisper."Micah is dead. Do you finally see what your Princess Alliance is doing to us?" Angella seems to cave in on herself, collapsing back into her chair and covering her eyes. Mercier's grip on her arm tightens."Oh, does it really take your husband's death for you to realise that the Horde is killing us one by one? That in such a group, the strays and the weaklings at the back of the herd are easy pickings?"He leans closer, breathing heavily, muttering into her face."I am weak. I am old. I am unfit to run a kingdom, and everybody knows it. I do not doubt that I would have been the next to die, if your husband had not sacrificed himself for my battalion."He stands up, and brushes off his robes, as though the mere proximity to Angella had dirtied them."Salineas is no longer a member of the Princess Alliance. I hope that, the next time our kingdoms' paths come to cross, it is you I shall see leading the charge, although I doubt your lily-heart could take it." Space seems to warp in the War Room, and all of a sudden, Angella is towering above a kneeling Mercier, her wings outstretched and expression coldly regal but juxtaposed by the tears in her eyes and in her quiet voice."Is this how you speak to your daughter, King Mercier?" He shakes his head, trembling. "You are aware of the Natural Law? That Vyol broke, and estranged us of ia Scorpen?" He nods. "In six years, Mermista will be of age, and there will be a rightful Princess ruling your lands. Let her know that, at that juncture, she will be welcome to rejoin the Alliance."Angella leans down slightly, and a teardrop hits the floor in front of Mercier."Six years is all you have left. Enjoy it, old man. May your weakness not betray you." She offers him a hand, and when he takes it, the world seems to shift about Mercier again until Angella is inexplicably gone, and he is alone in the War Room. He will never set foot here again.
[Angella is incredibly powerful, but she is also very old, and with age comes wisdom. With wisdom comes reserve, and when triggered into overdrive by Micah's death, reserve becomes cowardice.]
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[Adora.]
Don't let her bad behaviour rub off on you.
I won't!
I will. I've waited for this for a long time - waited until Ciaran got sick, and then I accidentally-on-purpose caught his 'flu. Shadow Weaver always treats me nice when I'm sick. All I had to do was stay in bed: even Catra gave up trying to convince me to come to breakfast after a while (granted, a bit of a horrible while, because I do actually feel ill and having someone try to drag me out of bed by the ankle wasn't fun). Shadow Weaver arrives in the dormitory not much later, with an extra blanket, and a tray with my breakfast on it."Adora. I hear that you're unwell."She uses her gentle voice. It's not that different from the voice she shouts in. I nod, and then bite my lip, because it makes my head hurt. I should have gone with Plan H - pretend to be sick. Catra says I'm a rubbish liar, though. "I'll have one of your friends bring your lunch here. OK?" "Mm-hmm..."I tail off in a way that says I'm not done speaking - but I let her invite me to finish. She gathers me in a hug. I wrap my arms around her - she's warm, in all those robes, but not soft."Is there anything else you need, Adora?" "Well..."Here goes nothing. I angle my head toward her ear. She can't possibly pretend to mishear me this time."Could you be nicer to Catra?" Her clawed fingers dig into my back. The atmosphere is suddenly thin. Cold. Deadly. I stand my ground; don't move; even as the shadows start to creep in from the corners, red at their edges. She still speaks in her gentle voice. It toes the line so close to danger. My hands, on her back, are facing the open door, and I curl them into fists - unsafe, run - to warn anyone that might approach."You know that Catherine is disrespectful. Don't you?" I nod. She can't see me, but she can feel my chin moving against her shoulder. "You think that I should spoil her? Do you think that that will help her learn respect?" "No."Her claws are sharp through my t-shirt. She could- she could hurt me. She could actually hurt me. This was a bad idea. "It is for Catherine's benefit that I punish her. You must understand that. She'll never be a good Cadet without it." Catra's a better Cadet than me. I've seen her write wrong answers, easy ones, on purpose; and cross out words spelled right to spell them wrong; and use the wrong melée form when I know she's mastered it; and practically hand me points when when we spar. Second-place, always and forever, because she knows what happens if she beats me. "Yes, Shadow Weaver." She lets go of the hug suddenly and stands up. The shadows shrink back to their normal state."I will see you in the training room in ten minutes." I squeak in horror. I'm not used to fighting while I'm sick, not like the others are. "Or... you can make yourself scarce. Your choice. Either way, the dormitories are not to be occupied during daylight hours."She's quoting the rulebook. I step out of bed, feeling giddy for a moment, and follow Shadow Weaver to the door. She gestures to the left - away from the training room - and I run. Catra will know where to find me in free-time.
[I tried to write in a younger voice than normal. Does it come off well?]
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[The first speaker is Catra.]
Light from the corridor spilled in through the door. It didn't strike Catra as odd that Shadow Weaver's office was kept dark. "You wanted to see me?" Shadow Weaver slammed down her wine glass and spun in her chair."Catherine. Yes."She seized a piece of paper from the desk and held it out towards the child."This is not Adora's writing." Hesitantly, Catra stepped forwards to see it. The wording was, indeed, her own: the pencil-scratch, however, was Adora's. She took her chances."That's Adora's handwriting." All of a sudden Shadow Weaver grabbed Catra's shoulder and shook her."Insolence. I know bloody well that's Adora's handwriting. But she doesn't estimate her casualties as funerals. If you're going to lie to me, at least make it convincing." Shadow Weaver tore the paper in half and shoved it back onto her desk, toppling her glass. Catra froze. In the silence it dripped, blood-red, onto the floor. "Get out of my office." Slowly, Catra backed out, only daring to run once her shadow was well clear. Shadow Weaver picked up the fallen glass, and refilled it. The spilled wine kept dripping. Its puddle reflected what little moonlight made it through the window.
[Adora]
Lights-out was thirty seconds ago. Lights-out was one minute ago. Lights-out was two minutes ago. Lights-out was three minutes ago. Lights-out was five minutes ago. Seven minutes and fourteen seconds after lights-out, Catra hops down from her bunk and curls up at the end of mine, pulling the whole blanket off me. I sit up and scramble down to her end so I can whisper in her ear."Oi! Get your own blanket if you want to make a nest!" "Mine.", hisses Catra back, holding my blanket tight around her. I roll my eyes - because Catra'll be able to see it - and get up to pull her blanket down from her bunk. Rogelio growls something at me, but I ignore him and lie down with Catra's blanket. It's thinner than mine, I think.
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"Adora. Adora. Adoraaa." Adora snapped awake, reaching for the shard of metal she kept tucked between the mattress and the bedframe, panicked by the weight that seemed to be crushing her. But it was just Catra, sitting on her stomach, eyes glinting with mischief."You have to come see this." "What's the time?", hissed Adora. "Like, two. We're all good. We can sneak out."Catra got up, and pulled the blanket off Adora, wrapping it around herself."You'll need your jacket. C'mon." The two of them carefully climbed onto a cabinet, and from there just a bit up a large pipe, and then it was a precarious swing from a ceiling beam to reach an air vent, the grille of which had been lost years ago by other Cadets and never replaced. Catra led Adora straight past the exits for the locker room, and training room, and classrooms, and west courtyard, and dining-hall, way out on the whole ten-minute journey to the little spot that everyone called the 'useless courtyard', despite the fact that it made itself quite useful as a location for fighting, trading, hiding, throwing away rubbish, smoking, gambling, and suchlike. The whole thing had been covered in a crisp white layer. Adora climbed down using the divots that someone had punched into the wall, and let her shoes sink into it. She reached down, and picked up some, and squashed it in her fist. It had a texture akin to soil, but was sharply cold like ice, and made a noise like boots on fine gravel. "Snow!", yelled Catra, and a handful of it exploded against the back of Adora's head. She squealed, and laughed, and threw back her own fistful, but Catra darted out of the way and was looking ready for a good fight - which, without Shadow Weaver watching, Adora was certain she's win - so Adora conceded, and turned her attention back to the stories that the COs and soldiers had told them about the snow."I'm gonna make a snowman.", she declared. Catra sat down against the wall, and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. She didn't have a coat: there'd only been enough for Adora and Lonnie and Rogelio."Make a Princess!" "Okay."Adora tried to copy the drawing Ciaran did - three big spheres of snow piled on top of each other until they were taller than you - but after half an hour all she had was a sloping sort of pile, muddy in sections and maybe two feet tall. This notwithstanding, she stuck a stick in one side and a broken electric baton in the other to make arms, and traced a face on it. The only difference between the faces she and Catra drew for themselves, and those they drew on Princesses, were that the Princesses didn't smile. Ciaran had pointed out that that just made both sides look angry, and Catra'd shrugged and said "Well, they are, I think.", and Adora had shoved her, because she felt that it was an unfair assessment - the Horde wasn't all angry. Catra, though, was angry by now."My hands and feet are all numb.", she complained, although Adora had been the one actually working in the snow. "Gimme another minute. I need to find something to make her hair." "Yeah, well, I'm going back now. And you'd better be, too, before dawn, or Shadow Weaver'll kill me."Catra started to climb back up to the vent, and Adora quickly draped a fragment of some sort of net on top of the snow-Princess' head and then rushed to follow Catra back to the dormitory.
[FN: "hands and feet are all numb"]
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[Lonnie.]
I can see Catra start to stumble. She stops focusing on defence. Her eyes are wide and she's breathing shallow and fast. Rogelio pushes her back, and she doesn't even look at him as she nears the edge of the mat. Her quarterstaff hits him uselessly in the side. His strikes her in the chest, and she trips off the mat, turning her ankle. Shadow Weaver claps twice. Catra staggers a step backward, dropping her weapon, and falls to the floor. I'm half-convinced she's onto her dramatics again, but she doesn't move even as Shadow Weaver's magic hits her, rolling her onto her back. "Catra?", says Kyle, quietly. Rogelio, still standing, now looks unsure of his victory. Shadow Weaver pulls Catra by the wrist, lifting her upper half off the floor."Idiot child. You think this is funny? You think you can get away with anything more than a failing grade?" I really don't think Catra's limp ears are picking up what's being said. Hope not, anyway. Catra's head hits the hard floor again with a nasty thunk as Shadow Weaver drops her. I glance at Adora. She's staring just past Rogelio, at the far wall, stock-still apart from her fingers, picking at the nails. She blinks once every two seconds. "Well? What are you waiting for? Lonnie. Kyle. Your turn." Kyle points at the just-stirring Catra."But-" "Do you have a problem with how I am teaching you, Kyle?", whispers Shadow Weaver. The already-dim room darkens by several degrees. Kyle shakes his head rapidly, and the shadows recede. He takes the quarterstaff from Rogelio, who sits on the bench by Adora, and I pick up Catra's. She's dragged herself into a sitting position now, hunched over, messy hair curtaining her face from view. "On your marks." I take my preferred combative form, and Kyle stares at me, trying to copy what I'm doing, to little success. Fighting isn't his forte - drawing is - but there's no place for art in a war. Catra stands up and starts to limp unsteadily over to the bench. "Begin."
[Catra.]
I can just about hear Lonnie and Kyle, behind me, over the screech in my ears. It quietens, somewhat, when I'm sat down. So does the pain in my ankle - I'm not sure what happened there - but not the headache. It's not the normal sort of headache, so I must have hit it on the floor.
this makes four. four tally marks in the corner behind the matress. four's not a coincidence any more
you are broken
aren't you? she says it's fine but no one else is the same. no one else is as weak as you
[A note on the word "screech": children do not have the vocabulary to accurately describe their situation. I used to describe the constant noise as a 'long beep' or a 'squeal'. It was ringing. It was tinnitus.]
[Catra's thoughts, which intersperse her perspective, speak in the second person. It's her mind speaking, but it refers to her as 'you'.]
[Adora.]
Thud. Catra hits the floor. I saw it coming, so I looked away, so it didn't happen, not really. There's no need to hurt her. There's- "Catra?"Shut up, Kyle. Don't catch her attention. "Idiot child. You think this is funny? You think you can get away with anything more than a failing grade?" I want to go. I want to help. I want to shield Catra. I want to protect her. But... Thunk. Stop hurting her. She is disrespectful. "Well? What are you waiting for? Lonnie. Kyle. Your turn." "But-"Shut up. "Do you have a problem with how I am teaching you, Kyle?" Catra's back. I can see her in my peripheral vision - getting up. I can see her in my memories - getting up. Again and again and again and again she gets up and it almost makes Shadow Weaver looks powerless and it is brilliant disrespectful. "On your marks. Begin." She sits next to me, and drops her hand down behind the bench. I do the same, and she curls her little finger around mine. I'm made aware that the corners of my fingernails are destroyed again - it hurts. Not enough to make me let go, though.
[FN: this whole chapter]
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Everyone was standing over in the corner, laughing at someone. Catra muscled her way through the crowd - Kyle and some other kid under a different Cap were making a monumental effort to do a bridge. Catra smirked and walked over to Kyle, whacking him not altogether gently on the head."I'm tapping in for you." A rather sweaty Kyle gave her a grateful look and scurried away, rubbing his shoulder. In one fluid motion, Catra braced her hands above her head and turned back to fall into a bridge. The other kid spat on the floor and stalked off while Catra gave little bows to the crowd. Catra laughed out loud when she got this term's scorecard back."One hundred! I got a hundred in gymnastic ability! Suck on that, Adora!" "I got ninety-four overall.", said Adora, snatching Catra's card to read it back. Eighty-three overall: ninety-two in written and seventy-four in physical. But there was that little 100 next to gymnastic: Adora'd never beaten Catra in it.
[Kyle]
Lonnie grabs my soap."Can I borrow this? Thanks."Without waiting for a response, she goes back to chatting with the others. That's fine. That's okay. Hey, keeping a bar of soap for three days is kind-of a record for me. I'll have a new one in a couple weeks, anyway. And if Adora or Rogelio are in a good mood, they'll let me borrow theirs. Unfortunately, Adora and Rogelio are laughing at something some big kid's said, so - I guess I could try my chances with Catra. She always showers in the corner of the room and doesn't talk to anyone. I sidle over, and she flicks one ear at me, spraying cold water across my face. I smile bravely."Hey, uh. No chance I could borrow your soap, huh?" She's ignoring me. Of course she is. I try louder."It's just, Lonnie took mine. I mean, I put up a good fight, obviously, but... c'mon, Catra, I don't want to smell like sweaty armour all night." "I can't hear you.", she says. "Over the water. It's loud." Alright then. If it's going to be like that. Well, if it's going to be like that, actually... I can't really do anything. Maybe Lonnie will give it back if I ask real nice. "Why'd you sit like that?", asked Adora, perching on the roof-edge next to Catra. "Tch. Like what? I'm just sitting." "With your feet out the sides."Adora attempted to imitate Catra's W-sit, failed miserably, and resorted to tracing the shape of Catra's legs out on the roof. "I'm just sitting.", Catra repeated.
[Kyle]
I mean, I'm not going to complain. I'll leave that up to someone else. But I really hope Someone Else is going to do that pretty sharpish, because there's been someone crying for the last few minutes, and I don't think any of us can sleep. I can't tell quite who's crying - based on direction, Catra or Adora, maybe? A pair of heavy feet hit the floor and stomp past me, but the crying doesn't stop. The heavy feet speak in Oskar's voice."Cut it out, you whiny little shit." "Fuck you.", chokes Catra, and Adora says, "It's just growing pain. She can't do anything about it." "Then suck it up, or get the fuck out of my dormitory." Catra hisses, and then her claws click on the floor as she scampers out. The heavy feet go back to their own bunk. After a few seconds, a pair of quiet, socked feet walk past me toward the door, and leave too.
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[Adora]
Catra finds me in the corner of the training room, a quarter of an hour after I tip-toed out of the dorm. She always makes a game out of it - gives me a couple minutes' head-start, and then starts searching. If she's in a fun mood, she'll sneak up and make me scream, and then it's a new game to escape everyone that's heard me. Today, she's not in a fun mood. She crouches down in front of me and runs her fingers over the side of my face: red marks show up way worse on me than her. I hug my knees tighter and shuffle over a bit so we can cram ourselves into the corner together. "It's not your fault, Adora.", she whispers. "We shouldn't even be in the big room until we're twelve. It wasn't fair." Yeah, but I'm top of the year. I'm supposed to be good at this. If I'm challenged, I'm not supposed to mess it up. Catra'd get cross if I said that out loud, though, so I nod. She leans her head on my shoulder."Are you tired?" "Mm-hm." "Yeah, me too." We'll get in so much trouble if we fall asleep here. And then the worry makes me nearly start crying again, so I replay it in Catra's voice. We'll get in so much trouble if we fall asleep here. She's excited about it, and I am, now, too. "I guess I'll have to face that, in this awful place, I shouldn't show a trace of doubt."She's singing - more mumbling than singing, really, although there's a tune to it - something that the soldiers taught us. We're not supposed to speak to them, though."But, pulled against the grain, I feel a little pain that I would rather do without. I'd rather be - free; free; free." I'm already drifting away, but I can join in a bit."Free; free; free." "Free; free; free."She holds my hand."From here."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Old Norse 'miða' / Old English 'midan': "middle"
Old English 'hrim': "frost" or, euphemistically, "winter"
Old English 'hlāf': "bread" or "simple meal"
Old English 'eadig': happy, blessed, prosperous]
Beau breathed in the scent. It was special - trapped in boxes and tins for most of the year, and brought out just for this. The smell was his favourite, but he also loved the boxes' contents - garlands of dried leaves and flowers, and embroidered antimacassars for the sofas, and matching cloths for the tables, and carefully preserved boughs, and baubles to hang off them. The baubles were a category of their own: spheres carefully dusted with glass so that they sparkled; clay stars, small and bright like the ones in the maps; discs painted with scenes and faces and legends; and, of course, many an unsuccessful handmade attempt by the children. Best of all - even better than the feeling that that Miðanhrim smell evoked - was the process of running to and fro, from the decoration boxes to the library's various rooms, carrying whatever the room's decorators had demanded. As the youngest - and thus deemed to have an unsteady hand and an untasteful eye - fetching had always been Beau's job, and he didn't mind at all. As the years went by and more and more faces disappeared, he loved seeing them over and over, rather than being confined to one place. At last, when the flurry of decorating was over, and the library was resplendent with the season, the family gathered for the year's first Miðanhrimhlāf. George stood up, and tapped his glass with a fork. Silence fell."It's always a joy to see everybody back home. And it's always a joy to see our home so beautiful." "Hear, hear!", called Alek, whom everyone suspected had already got at the mulled wine. George cleared his throat."Now. As I say, we are a family graced by so much joy. But there is war raging, not far from the borders of Bright Moon. I've been writing to Caile; as far as Mystacor is aware, Colonia's already been fully assimilated by the Evil Horde." A chill went around the table. Beau didn't understand. Colonia was the one with the bad guys, the Martynists, in it. Surely... this was good news? But, then again, anything about the Evil Horde couldn't be good. Beau still half-remembered those sombre weeks when Granny and Grandad died. And that had been the Evil Horde's fault. "We must do all we can, in these difficult times, to hold ourselves together. We are Etheria. We are strong. We will never collapse under the rule of a tyrant; and we will lose no more of our family."He stopped, to wipe a tear from his cheek, and to hand Lance - already in floods - a tissue box."This Miðanhrim, we must remember that we are stronger together. A baker cannot make this bread without the farmer that grew the grain; a library cannot be decorated without its many children; a man -" he delicately caressed Lance's cheek - "cannot build a family without his loving husband. Let us raise a glass to Etheria, and to family." Beau wasn't allowed wine like nearly everyone else was, but that notwithstanding, he raised his cranberry juice and drank to Etheria and family.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
[The first speaker is Shadow Weaver.]
"You know what the rules are, Catherine." "Yes, Shadow Weaver." "You'll agree with me, someone would have to be very stupid to break the rules?" "Yes, Shadow Weaver." "You are not, by a far cry, 'very stupid'."
one-two-breathe-one-two-out-one-two-breathe-one-two-out-
"What good reason can you give me for acting like you are stupid?" "But he was hungry-" "Speak up. I don't have time for mumbling." "None, Shadow Weaver." "You are wasting your potential. I am wasting my efforts trying to better you. It, frankly, is very generous of me to be giving you this many opportunities. There is a new campaign to the North, and the front line always needs new fodder."
onetwobreatheonetwooutonetwobreatheonetwooutonetwo
"Well? You're no use to me silent."
stay still. she's wrong. you're not here. don't move. don't cry
"You wish to go to the North?" "No." "I cannot hear you when you whine." "I -" stop it stop crying "I want to stay here, Shadow Weaver." "I will not have sobbing children in my office. Get out of my sight. This is the last time you are to disobey me."
run
[Shadow Weaver essentially calls both Catra and Adora clever. To Catra it is a challenge; to Adora it is praise. Shadow Weaver doesn't call anyone else clever.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
['She' is Shadow Weaver]
[Catra]
She steps up to me, and I can't move. "Good work, Catra." I can't tell if she's smiling, but her tone is as warm as it ever gets. I want her to hold my face, like she does with Adora; wipe away a smudge of dirt. But it's a loving hand when it's Adora. Not for me. Today, at least, I am good enough. "Cadet." I turn and salute the guy. I can't wait until the nineteenth - once Adora's a CO, I am, basically, too, and then I won't have people calling me just 'Cadet'."Catra, sir. One of Shadow Weaver's Force."I can't wait to be important all on my own. "I seriously don't care. Just don't go waste the San's time with a dislocation. I'll fix it."He holds out a hand toward my right arm - but pauses, like he's asking permission. Huh. Polite. "It's not dislocated, sir."I test out my shoulder, and discover that it actually is. Whatever. I grab my elbow and pop it back into place. The guy raises an eyebrow."You'll make a fine soldier, kid. Godspeed." As he walks away, I call "What's god mean?" after him, but I don't think he hears me. Right. Back on task, then. Finding out where Shadow Weaver's taking Adora for her new private tutoring sessions - not so I can interrupt, just so I can watch through a vent or something. Watch for funny business.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
[The first speaker is Shadow Weaver. This scene takes place in a classroom.]
"If you want to be a baby, by all means, go back to the nursery. I won't stop you."Kyle stares at the dent in the corner of his desk."Well? Are you a Cadet or not?" "I'm a Cadet, Shadow Weaver." Shadow Weaver picks up the pictures that she shook from between the pages of his workbook and begins to tear them into confetti. I twist my hands uncomfortably in my lap - out of sight - and watch Kyle, in my peripheral vision, suppressing tears. Chair legs screech against the floor."Stop it."Catra's standing up, fists tense by her sides, glaring at Shadow Weaver. Everything is silent for a moment, except for the neat square shreds of paper settling on the floor. "I see."Shadow Weaver walks at quite a normal pace - not a stride, nor a menacing approach - toward Catra, who seems to realise her mistake and barely steps backward before Shadow Weaver raises a hand and she freezes."Do you think you are better suited to teach this class?" I can still see Kyle, out of the corner of my eye, trembling slightly. "Yes." Shadow Weaver slaps Catra square across the face, and she slams into the wall behind her, grabbing onto an empty second-row desk to stay upright. Blood starts to run down her chin. Angrily, Shadow Weaver seizes her upper arm and pulls her the short distance to the blackboard."Teach, then." Catra wipes her face, smearing the blood across her cheek and up her arm. It keeps running. At least her t-shirt is red."Draw a map of territory changes in 985. Make sure -" she's staring straight at Shadow Weaver's face - "to omit the losses." Incensed, Shadow Weaver raises an arm. Catra lifts a full two inches off the floor, ensnared by magic, and then flies straight into the blackboard, which cracks down the centre. Catra crumples to the floor. I notice that my hands are slippery, and realise that I have nervously scratched a friction burn into my palm. I shouldn't have done that - I shouldn't be nervous - I shouldn't care. This is how the world works. Catra was disrespectful - and she was punished for it. The clock at the front of the room beeps, and I look up again. Kyle is discreetly sweeping up the scraps of his drawings with his foot. Catra is standing up before the broken blackboard, leaning heavily on her desk, dripping blood onto her small collection of chewed-up pencils. Lonnie is sitting, perfectly still, blank, silent. Rogelio is writing a note I have no doubt is for Kyle. "You are dismissed for lunch."
[Notice the prevalence of one thing - Catra, and the other children, freezing or staying still. This is a response similar to fight or flight.]
do it.
do it.
you deserve to hurt.
what's the point in claws if you don't use them?
do it
"You got in a fight?" Catra nodded, because she couldn't speak, because she'd end up crying. "What, with all the other Cadets that have claws? And, forgive me for asking, where are they, exactly? Dead? 'Cause I don't reckon any other Cadets' chances with you."Ciaran laughed, and opened his bedside drawer, and pulled out his stolen med kit, and patted the bed beside him."Come sit. I'll patch you up." Careful not to touch the blanket, Catra sat - she kept her arms wrapped tight around her stomach. It hurt. you deserve it "What are we gonna tell Shadow Weaver, huh? Or is this one a secret?" "Secret." "Okay, then. Let's see... ooh, that's... yeah, hmm."Ciaran's hands were gentle. He dipped a rag into the glass of water by his bed, and cleaned up as best he could, and wrapped it all in bandages."Not too tight?" "No." His fingers were trembling, slightly, but his voice was steady."Are you gonna tell Adora? You guys are like two peas in a pod. She can look after y-" "No." "Oh. Okay. Well, it's your decision."The dinner bell went, and Ciaran tapped Catra's shoulder."See you later, kid?" "Yeah. Later."
['Who's Ciaran?' Catra and Adora are too young to really care who he is. They just take it as a given that he exists. I explain him later.]
It was the dead of night. There was a pipe dripping somewhere near the door, and closer to the window, Rogelio was snoring. "It's scary, though.", Adora was whispering under her breath. Catra didn't respond. She picked at the bandages round her middle. The threads came loose easily. "But if-" "It's not important.", Catra interrupted. "It'll heal. If it's not permanent, it's not worth worrying about." The conversation paused as Adora searched for the right words."It could be permanent." Stony silence. "You know what I mean." "Say it then." Wretchedly; "I don't want to." "I dare you. Say it." The impish grin was back. "Just promise. Don't - don't - don't do it again." The volume was rising to a whisper that near-sliced the darkness. "I'm looking out for you. Just promise you'll stop." "Okay. I promise."Catra paused for a second."... Adora?" "Mm-hm?" "Do you know someone called Tiro?" "No." Catra frowned."Yeah. I don't, either."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Rogelio gets away with not talking: Catra wonders, vaguely, if she could, too, for the next week or so. It's not that she won't talk - her chest's hurt way more than this before, and she still yelled her way through training - it's that she can't. It's been going round, really, since the new power station was built not too far off the Cadets' quarters; Kyle's been out of sessions for a couple days. Shadow Weaver's been calling him lazy and self-centred. Adora gets back from whatever extra thing she was doing, and frowns at Catra."You're not any better. I think you should go to the san." Catra tries to reply, and coughs instead, until her sides hurt and her eyes are running. But, really, it's a net positive, because Adora hurries over and holds her hand and rubs her back, and Adora doesn't usually do that sort of thing any more. Not since Shadow Weaver said it was distracting her from her progress to Force Captain. "C'mon. Let's go. You're really sick. Shadow Weaver won't be too mad." Catra doesn't want to go, but there isn't a power in the world that'll make her willingly let go of Adora's hand, so she has to follow Adora to the sanatorium. Adora can't follow her inside, though, so she has to let go. The auxiliary at the desk takes (with some effort and the help of a pencil and paper) Catra's name, gives her a glass of water, and makes her lie down in the bed next to Kyle's. There's no sound in the san: talking's punished with sedation, so Catra wouldn't try even if she could. There's no blankets in the san: just a plastic-covered matress and, most of the time, a matching pillow. There's not enough food in the san: patients are put on half rations to deter malingerers, although drinking water is encouraged. All there is in the san is rest. Hours and hours of mandatory rest, until the medics make their daily round and decide who can be turfed out, who needs actual treatment, and who has to stay and rest. Catra hates rest.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer.]
[When I refer to one of those sticks with electricity on the end that the Horde uses, I call it an electric baton, but I know that's not the technical term, but I either don't know the technical term or I don't like it (I can't remember which)]
This raid was going to be quiet. Minimal team, take on this tiny Horde outpost, in and out before anyone could summon help, piece of cake. Glimmer knew this, because her mother had ordered the mission. The Queen never let her have any fun. Luckily, though, today's mission would be at least bearable, because along with Spinnerella and Juliet, Bow was tagging along too. Glimmer wasn't at all sure that Angella approved, per se, of her and Bow's friendship, but at least he was tolerated in the kitchens, and in the informal reception rooms when Angella wasn't there. "Can we go over the plan again?", asked Spinnerella. Juliet sighed. She was a woman of few words."You all have skeleton maps. Princess - northern tent. Spinny - eastern tent. You, boy - the southern tent. I take the western one. There will be eight guards, whom we will dispose -" "Indispose.", butted in Spinnerella."We indispose them, compassionately." "Yes, fine. After that we reconvene and depart." The team started to pick its way through the forest again. This was the third such raid in a month that Glimmer had accompanied. The Horde, after managing to maintain their border on the Whispering Woods, had started to establish satellite colonies in the Woods themselves - a concerning move that the Great Rebellion was not going to stand for. The encampment came into view from between the trees. Glimmer spied the tent that was her responsibility. She approached, slowly. The evening light cast shadows all over. All quiet on this front. Closer to, the forest started to thin out, and, not wanting to risk being seen, Glimmer raised a fistful of magic and teleported in. The tent was empty of soldiers. Glimmer slowly lowered her hand, staring at the thing in the middle. It was huge and round, a dark, sludgy green colour, with three gunmetal grey legs protruding from the sides. It wasn't moving. It looked quite harmless, apart from the fact that if the Horde had it, it was definitely a weapon. Cautiously, she moved closer. WRobotB009 was engraved into the metal. And, underneath that, in smaller print, Design of the Fright Zone. Glimmer weighed up her options. She could try to teleport the thing out, but it looked ridiculously heavy, so it'd just drain all her energy. She could go to find the rest of her team, but that would be leaving the robot alone, and then a Horde soldier could escape with it, or activate it here and now. It seemed best to stay here and wait for someone to find her. The amount of self-control Glimmer had was perfectly demonstrated by the fact that it took her not twenty seconds to give in and touch the robot. Nothing happened. It was cold and rough and immensely solid. Despite this, she gave it a shove, and it stayed stubbornly in place. After about two minutes, bored, she elbowed it, and earned a bruised elbow for the effort. After another two minutes, she thought, what the hey. Might as well try, if nobody's going to put up a fight. Feeling slightly stupid, she hugged the robot as best she could, and teleported into the woods, and opened her eyes. She'd moved about two centimetres. And, now, had to sit down, exhausted. Another five minutes went by. Quick footsteps outside. Glimmer crouched behind the robot. She could hear the canvas door flapping, and her heart in her ears. The footsteps were inside now - Glimmer launched herself up and slammed the soldier in the face with all her remaining sparkle. He stumbled back, pulling an electric baton from his belt. Glimmer shoved him against a tent pole and wrenched the stick out of his hand, waving the green, buzzing end in his face. "Don't touch the robot.", she said, in what she hoped was a threatening tone. The soldier stood back up again, holding his hands up in surrender. For a couple of seconds, Glimmer stayed still, watching him intensely. He suddenly kicked Glimmer's feet out from under her, and she fell back against the robot, hitting her shoulder-blade hard enough that she dropped the stick. She kicked the soldier in the shin, but he was already standing over her, holding the humming electricity an inch from her forehead. "Princess scum."His voice sounded young and hoarse. Glimmer's hand scrabbled on the floor until she got a hold of one of the robot's legs. She pulled herself to the side, and was surprised when the soldier - instead of trying to stop her - side-stepped in the opposite direction and started to fiddle with the robot. It powered up. The soldier escaped. The robot fired a beam of light, bringing the whole front of the tent crashing down. One metal pole missed Glimmer's head by inches, and another landed on her left arm, pinning her down. A chilly breeze rushed into the space the tent used to occupy. "Help!"The wind dampened Glimmer's screams. No-one came to help her."Help, please!" The robot started to walk forward. It moved, sickeningly spider-like, toward the southern tent. "Bow!" One, two, three seconds of agonising nothingness. Then, like a hero, Bow swept out of the southern tent and shot the robot, and then ducked back in again, presumably mid-battle. The robot had started to move backwards. Its legs were jerking and twitching, and it was making awful shuddering, groaning noises. One of its feet hit the canvas of the fallen tent, and it tripped, crashing to the ground and ripping another side of the tent down with it. One of its feet fell onto the pole that was now close to snapping Glimmer's arm. "Help! Bow! Somebody! Please!" Seconds ticked by. Something clunked inside the robot. "Juliet! Spinnerella! I'm trapped!" It was making squealing, twisting metallic noises now. "Help!" A bright dart of flame shot out of the robot across the canvas, spreading fast, and then -
[Glimmer gets electric burns from her upper left arm to her fingers. Luckily, though, Juliet rescues her before she can get thermally burned by the actual fire.]
[The perspective is with Juliet.]
Bow was sobbing, and had been for the last hour and a half. Juliet patted his shoulder awkwardly. "It's all my f-fault!", he was saying. "My arrow short-circuited the robot, and -" Juliet nodded and offered him yet another cup of tea. "I'm the w-worst friend ever!" Juliet reminded him, again, that the Princess had vividly described his heroics to the Queen, and that the Queen had then declared his importance to the Great Rebellion. Juliet herself couldn't help but feel a little resentful that she hadn't got much credit for the actual rescuing. Or for carrying the Princess all the way back. Or for boiling the kettle - what was it? - four times now. She comforted herself with the thought that Bow wasn't being paid a fifth as much as she was.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Adora.]
"You so like me, Catra." "You so want me to like you." "Do not!" Catra laughed."If I ever said I liked you, you would have a field day."Then, under her breath, she added, "Field night, too." Adora turned beetroot red. "Catra!", yelled Lonnie, disgusted. "What? I meant, we could appreciate the natural scenery in a field, by moonlight. Very romantic. Don't know what you two gutterbrains were thinking." Lonnie threw her hairbrush onto the floor and stormed out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Catra presses her fingers into her shoulder, hard enough to bruise - that would be, if it wasn't already purple. As if strangling the thing would stop it twisting out of the socket. Adora notices, and changes the theme of her ongoing rant."- one day, when I'm in charge of all this, maybe I'll have Shadow Weaver locked up."She suddenly pauses, seeming to realise what she's said, and looks over her shoulder, nervous. Nothing happens. "When we're in charge." Adora giggles."Yeah. Our planet. Etheria." "We should leave the Fright Zone. Go somewhere colder. Build a - an outpost, somewhere really nice."Catra's staring into the sky, imagining it. "Well, we could travel all over, if we were in charge. Go and see the snow. And - and the sea. And... uh, that's all I can think of. Wait, no, one of us in the sea and one of us in the snow. To mix it up." "Firstly, it's when, not if. And secondly, I want to stay together."Something crashes, fifty metres below. The following silence is stark."I'd spend forever with you." Adora looks at her right hand and Catra's left, too far apart from each other, holding on to the edge of the building."I... I-"She stares down the dizzying height, to steady herself."That sounds nice." After a second, they both look at each other. Adora's the first to break the eye contact, gaze flickering five centimetres downward for just a second, wondering if- Stupid decisions. You're clever, and clever people don't make stupid decisions. Catra stands up."It's late. We should go back."
[FN: "twisting out of the socket"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
Years of promises - her idea. Years of defence - her, the knight in shining armour. Years of unerring companionship. I didn't even mind being the sidekick - Adora, the great Force-Captain-to-be, and her pet.
you think you're better than a pet? you think you're any more useful?
think again.
you're clever. you can think, can't you? or are you just that stupid
("One of Shadow Weaver's lot. She's supposed to be really unstable.") And she left me. For some princess and her boy. That says a lot about what I'm worth to her. you deserved it. you're a shit friend. you thought she liked you? ("Adora got promoted, and then went missing." "Well, she's friends with that crazy one. Should have expected it.") ("You owe me your lunch today. Blondie died." "After being made captain?" "Precisely.")
[When I refer to Bow as a 'boy', I mean boy (derogatory), in the Early Modern English sense]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
"Hey, uh, wildcat, where're you going?" Wildcat. I wish Scorpia wouldn't call me that. I'm not wild: I'm disciplined. Not domesticated, though, never tame, I'm, I'm..."I'm washing up.", I call over my shoulder. "Don't wait around. I'm not coming back." "Uh. Okay, bye, see you tomorrow!"I've no doubt Force Captain Stupid is waving at me, probably with a moronic smile all over her face. But I don't stop to correct her. I have better things to do - namely, to stop being stabbed, ideally somewhere in the near future. I get to the locker room - empty, thankfully - and hold my hand over the sink, and open the fist I've been holding for the last four hours. There's Adora's Force Captain badge. I know it's hers, because I ripped it right off her belt. There are better ways to remove a pin, that won't have it end up an inch deep in the flesh of your hand, but I don't let myself think about those particular things. you so want to undress her Shut up. First, I run my whole hand under the tap, and once it stops running battlefield-greyish-brown down the drain, I use the ice-cold water to numb the base of my thumb as I slowly pull the pin out. When the badge is free I drop it in the sink and focus on encouraging bleeding so I don't get an infection. It's a small wound, though; not much blood to show for it. After a while, the cold hurts worse than the injury, so I turn off the tap and have a look at the pin. I've broken the lock mechanism, so when I try to close and open it it flicks across my fingertips and scratches me, but I think I can put up with that. I know I can put up with that, if I get to wear Adora's badge. My Adora's badge - not some stupid blue Princess. My Adora.
[I reckon we ought to have seen when, where, how, and from whom Adora got her wing badge and emotional-support-pillow-knife]
"Hey, uh... Glimmer.", says Adora in a small voice, just before bed. Glimmer smiles at her."Hey."She's learned not to push much - Adora gets nervous easily. Adora's fidgeting with her hands."Can - could - could I h- I would - I - look, it's weird, but, uh. Uh."She clears her throat and stands to attention."Adora, Cadet Officer First Order, under Shadow Weaver. Requesting one standard-issue combat knife, for the purpose of personal safety, ma'am." Glimmer and Bow are startled, for a moment, before Glimmer squeaks, "You... you want a knife?" Adora nods. Bow's taken something else from it."You don't feel safe here?" Adora shakes her head. "I can get you a knife, sure."Glimmer hasn't told anyone about her secret stash of weapons, yet. Not even Bow: he'd definitely report it to someone, and what with the whole 'Horde soldier in Bright Moon' fiasco, Glimmer'd rather stay firmly out of trouble at the mo. Bow nearly starts speaking again, but Adora holds up a hand to him. Then, she bows her head to Glimmer."Thank you." "Uh, no prob."Glimmer stares after Adora as she half-walks-half-marches off in the direction of her bedroom. Bow's putting on a rather forlorn face."I was just going to say, I have a belt pin she can use, instead of that safety-pin." "I thought she had that weird Horde thing?", Glimmer asks. Bow makes a face and shrugs.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer]
"Oh, are you serious? You don't know what She-Ra looks like? That must be why you have that weird self-confidence thing!", I babble, pulling Adora over to my mirror. She scoffs."I don't have a 'self-confidence thing'." "Look, here's you, that's Adora."I stand behind her and put my hands on her shoulders."Now do the whole transform-y thing." Awkwardly, Adora lifts her sword, says, "For the honour of Grayskull.", and turns into She-Ra in a flash of golden light. She-Ra blinks at her reflection and then curls in at the edges slightly."I... cool. I look nice."What she looks like is distinctly uncomfortable. So, I decide to take matters into my own capable hands."Look at you. You're super hot! Muscles for weeks! Long shiny hair! Perfect armour! I mean, you literally glow! You're Etheria's hero, right?" "... Yeah, I do look like a hero."She tries to smile at her reflection. It doesn't work that well. "What's bothering you about it?" She looks down, frowning."I don't like being this... leggy."She lifts one foot up in the air, straight in front of her, and gestures at it."I mean, the shorts are more like underwear, aren't they? And - and it's kind of - a lot of hair. I mean, it's nice. It's lovely. I'm just not - not so much of a hair-in-my-face kind of person." "You know what? I bet we can tie it up!", I suggest, pulling out the drawer of hair supplies that I keep near the mirror. Turns out, we can't tie it up. She-Ra's hair is ridiculously thick and heavy and seems to have an innate will to spread itself out into a dramatic flowy pouf. And She-Ra says she doesn't mind, but she still gives herself an unsettled glance before turning back into Adora. The door slides open."Catra." "ch- Shadow Weaver."Catra stands to attention with a minimum of effort. "It is wonderful, I am sure, to know that you remain as animal as you were at three years old."Shadow Weaver takes hold of Catra's wrist and pulls it up in front of her - the hand is covered in bite-marks and tiny scratches."Might I suggest that the rest of the Horde not become privy to your habits. Nobody respects a captain that refuses to leave thumb-sucking in the nursery." Catra clears her throat."Everything's drawn up for Salineas."She points at the paper on her desk. Shadow Weaver narrows her eyes at it, and snaps, "Correct your spelling." "No-one in here can spell, it doesn't matter-" "Do not contradict me, Cadet."One of the fluorescent lights overhead flickers out. And then Shadow Weaver seems to lose interest, and turns to leave."Fix your spelling, and have the requisitions in my inbox by breakfast-time tomorrow. Do I make myself clear?" "Yes, Shadow Weaver."Catra flips a middle finger at the closing door.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Bryt]
[Yes, this is the same Bryt as is in If At Thaymor. Their story goes quite differently here.]
Someone's screaming. A kid - no, a teenager. I don't blame 'em. The under-twelves got separated from the rest of us a while ago, and now they're sorting 'young, fit and malleable' from 'old, weak, and tough'. Like meat. I'm a slab of meat, fresh off the pasture, ready to be sized up for market. They only had so many blindfolds to go around, and I'm skinny so they didn't bother with me. I'm not a threat. We're in the Fright Zone, I'm absolutely certain - it matches with all the stories. Massive grey industrial structures, falling apart already, never built to last. The air's chokingly polluted, and there's constant noise, from the machinery and from all the people left of my village. The Horde has people, too. A group of them, standing on some sort of roof, all dressed in red-white-grey uniforms. One of the people - a girl with a blonde ponytail and a frankly hideous jacket - is approached by another girl with messy hair and big ears. The first girl turns around, and the second girl freezes for a moment before hitting her across the face and running away. Is that what my life is going to be? Petty violence and bullying? I can't live like that. Some big guy in armour grabs me by the shoulder and marches me up to a table. "Name?" "Bryðen.", I reply, my voice clear and confident. They can't take my voice from me. He writes down Bidden."Age?" "Eighteen."It's only seven months' worth of a lie. They're more likely to keep me alive if I'm technically an adult, I think. "Do you swear yourself loyal to the Horde?" I think for a moment, and look up. The blonde girl's been left by her group of friends. She's sitting on the edge of the roof, covering her face with her hands. I can't quite tell at this distance, but I think there's blood running down her arms."No."I will not let them take my life from me. There's a shock of electricity against my back, and as everything goes dark, someone mutters, "Beast Island."
[Bow]
"Bow! Bow Bow Bow Bow Bow! Holy shit, Bow!", hisses Glimmer. I set down my soldering iron and slowly spin around to look at her."... Hi?" She steps inside the Best Friends Squad's guest room, shutting the door quietly behind her, and rushes over."Bow! I really need your help with something pleeeease."She's sparkling around the edges. It's really pretty. "Yeah, sure. What do you need?" She starts twisting her fingers together."In the Steam Grotto we were - me and Adora - we were sitting together, like together together, really close, and it was..."She mimes her head exploding."And ohmygosh Bow I think I might have a tinyteenyitsybitsylittlecrushonAdora!", she rushes, all in one breath. I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest."And... are you going to tell her?" "No! That's ridiculous! She's two years older than me! She's She-Ra! Agh, this is stupid."She faceplants on her bed, kicking her feet like she's having a tantrum. "Well, then.", I try. "I would say, just wait for it to pass by. But... if it doesn't, you really do have to tell her." Tiny flecks of glitter appear suspended in mid-air around her."You know why it's stupid? 'Cause everyone likes her. D'you see the way Perfuma was looking at her? And Mermista literally blushed! Oh, and Adora's definitely got a thing for that Catra, the way she talks about her." "I don't reckon she talks about Catra enough to form any meaningful conclusions."The selfish part of my mind is telling me to stop reassuring Glimmer. Let her think she hasn't got a chance. Let her drop the crush. I push it down, like I've been doing for years, and go over to give Glimmer a firmly platonic hug.
[Scorpia]
"I am brave, strong, loyal, and I give great hugs. And I can do this!" The mirror smiles, unconvinced, back at me. I look down at my pincers. It's taken me forty-five minutes this morning to polish up my exoskeleton, all special."I can do this.", I repeat. "I can tell Catra I... like her. Yeah, I like her. And I can tell her!" I'm feeling slightly sick with nerves as I walk through the corridors, and when I get to Catra's locker room, my pincers are shaking, so I hide them behind my back. Then I lean against the wall, and hope that I look cool. Catra doesn't turn up for a long half an hour, so, curious, I check her office. It's empty. Then I try her bedroom, and the door's unlocked. She's curled up in a corner, hiding her face, covering her ears, silent. "Hey, Catra?" She jumps, and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand, and snaps, "Scorpia." I can tell her later."Are you okay, wildcat?" "Yes. Scorpia. Uhm."She gets up and crosses her arms."Glad to see you, actually. You're responsible for uniforms, right? I'd like to make some changes to the uniform policy." I sit on her bed. It's so tidy, you'd hardly think she'd slept in it."Yeah, yeah, sure, I can do that." "Blanket ban on ponytails as a hairstyle, and discontinue J-15." "Didn't... isn't J-15 the one Adora wore?" Her expression gets even more violent."I don't care about what you think. Just ban it. Alright?" I don't think I'm going to get much further than this. Maybe... maybe I'll try again tomorrow. Yeah, I can still do this."Okay. Whatever you say, wildcat." "Get out.", she mutters, and I do.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Lonnie.]
[The first speaker is Lonnie.]
"Hey, uh, Catra?" Catra doesn't spend time in the locker room nowadays - not now she's got her stupid Force Captain bedroom. Of course, she still has to walk past the lockers, since it's a thoroughfare, but I haven't seen her hang around, or mess with the littles, or steal her ration bars out the dining hall and eat here instead, in ages. She doesn't look too good. Her arms are crossed tight over her chest, and she's grimacing down at her knees. Sitting in front of Adora's old locker."Morning, Lonnie."I'm pretty sure she's short of breath, but she's always been good at hiding that. "What are you doing in here?"No point mincing words. "None of your business." I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest, if she's gone right through the viscera and managed to disembowel herself. We all know it'll happen eventually - the scars were hardly going to be a closed secret in the Cadets' open shower room."You good, though? I can get Sh-" "What. Did I just. Say." She doesn't look like she'll be moving any time soon. I perch next to her, and look at the two empty lockers."You miss her?" "Piss off.", Catra hisses. "I... I miss her. Sometimes. So does Kyle. And Rogelio." "Fuck. Off." "Alright."I get up, and put on Ciaran's confident drawl."Don't kill yaself, kid." I'm genuinely surprised that she doesn't kill me right then and there - but she doesn't. Just sits there, breathing all shallow. Shit, maybe she is actually dying. Should I get someone? "Lonnie. Fuck the fuck out. Of this room." Nah. According to the laws of fate, the worse someone makes my life, the likelier they are to stay in it. She'll be fine. It's true, though. I miss Adora.
[re. Dawn II, "It's happened before."]
[FN: whole scene]
[Bow]
mmmmmmmmm Well, that's not the soft patter of rain. I look up at the lights. It's not that. Nothing outside, and in any case, I wouldn't be worried, because that's not the sound a Horde bot makes. mmmmmmmmmmmm It's just a little confusing. One of my inventions, maybe? No - the noise isn't coming from where my quiver and bow are propped against Glimmer's foot-stool. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Actually, let's be logical. What direction is the sound coming from? The window. Nothing's outside it, asides the rivulets of water running down it, but, sitting on the window-sill cushions, supposedly napping, is- "Adora?", I ask. The humming stops just as Adora jumps."Sorry, sorry, I fell asleep."She looks at me guiltily, as if I didn't literally tell her to sleep ten minutes ago. "Yeah, that's okay."I get up, leaving my work on the table, and sit next to her."What were you humming for?" "What was I what?"She looks genuinely confused. "You were humming, Adora. One long low note. Vocal stim?" Something vaguely akin to panic flashes across her expression."Sorry. I, uh. I haven't done that since I was little."She twists her hands in her lap."One of my friends used to... um. Purr. So. Force of habit. Sorry." It isn't hard to connect the dots."Would this friend happen to be Ca-" "Please. Don't. I, uh, don't want to think ab- about her. Sorry, if... sorry."Adora pulls a blanket over herself and curls up tighter to indicate that the conversation's over. Maybe we'll get back to it later over some hot chocolate. Maybe when Glim's not busy. Maybe when it's sunny outside.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[In the writing, 'me' refers to Catra and 'you' refers to Adora. In the thoughts, 'you' refers to Catra and 'she' refers to Adora.]
29031000 ELISABETH,CIt is a long way from here to Territory 2. Yes, I know wear you live. she's waiting there, just for me I am never going to join you there, with your stupid Princess and her boy.
her grey eyes, flecked with gold in the light of dawn, meeting me in the middle. no-man's land. her arms around me, safe and warm. don't let go
But your better than me now, arent you? You always were. Your perfect. Your strong, and good, and bry bright, and clean. You do not love me.I am climing up in the Horde's ranks. I alredy have more authority than you ever did, and I am powerful now. You cant reach me up here. but you can see the way she looks at youthere's nothing for you here There is ofviusly nothing for you here. Nothing that could possibly compell you to stay. I dont know why I ever thourt you might want me.you've lost everything. and you didn't even know you had it until the void was there I have lost nothing. It was my choice to cut you out of my life when I saw how the Princesses corupted you. I should have seen it coming, its ofvius when you think about it. You were always so perfect.
i need you. if you're so perfect - act like it. don't leave me behind
"Shut up."There was no one but Catra to hear the words, but that was fine, because it was her own mind they were addressed to."Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up." She looked down at the page. Five stupid little paragraphs, one big lie. She hadn't even addressed it 'dear Adora', because she knew she'd never sign it, never slip it into Adora's pocket in the midst of battle, like her mind had told her she could. It started with a long line vertically through the words, gouged in graphite; this became angry scribbles, tearing into the thin paper, and then the pencil clattered onto the floor and she was shredding it by hand until it was a scrappy confetti that littered the desk and the floor. Not once had Adora's name graced the page, but each fragment said it - shouted it - again and again and again and again. adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora adora 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Nothing to fill the void. To distract is easy, though - making old scars anew. Nothing to mend them this time.
adora
don't let go
[The switch to present tense at the end there is intentional]
[There's a lot about this scene that portrays Catra as childish - the iffy spelling/grammar (aside from taught standards like "Horde" and "Princess"), scribbling on paper, writing in pencil, etc.]
[Bow.]
Adora... hmm. Is that the right shade of blue? No, just a bit more white. Or is it pink? No, the pink's a reflection when Glimmer's around. I can add a spot of pink, later, as a highlight. Oh, but then I have to mix the same shade of pink as when I painted Glimmer, and the paints I've got now are a whole different set than I had three years ago. Gosh, but this is an absolute trial. I love it though. I dip my 1/4 paintbrush in the light blue and set it to the tiny blade of Adora's sword. "Bow!" I jump, and Adora - the figurine, not my friend who's just appeared - gets a spot on her nose. Darn it. "Bow, I kind of really need your help fixing somethingggg.", stage-whispers Adora, panicking. I carefully put down my work."Sure thing."Does she know that Angella has powers of repair? Probably not - Angella keeps herself to herself, mostly. I think I've seen her leave the palace grounds maybe twice ever, and both times only on Glimmer's insistence. She's not an absent parent, per se - Glimmer, Adora and I do spend time with her, and she does care about us - but she's several steps removed from real life. Adora leads me to her bedroom, and picks up a cup from a side table. I'm momentarily confused, until she also holds up a detached mug handle."Sorry - I'm sorry - I tripped on a cushion and I broke it.", she rambles. "I cleaned up obviously but I don't have any glue to fix it and I don't even know if that would work and help? Please?" I put a hand on her shoulder."It's okay. Just give it to one of the staff in the kitchen. They'll either fix it or throw it away." "But- but then they'll know I broke it." "And?" "And then I'm gonna get kicked out, 'cause you can't just show up and start breaking stuff. It's rude." "Angella wouldn't kick you out if you stabbed her."I giggle, but Adora doesn't. Okay, well, maybe it was an exaggeration, but it's not far off the truth. The Queen loves having She-Ra around."It was an accident. No-one's mad." Adora's lip is wobbling."Really?" I take the mug from her and - since her hands, once freed, immediately occupied themselves with twisting together anxiously - link my arm with hers."Yeah. Really. C'mon, let's take this down to the kitchen. We can see if they have any of those cheese things leftover." Adora is silent for the next several minutes. I'm left wondering quite how many children the Horde raised. Quite how many children our Rebellion has let down.
[Allow me to clarify (based on the feedback of my sister): the mug isn't a metaphor. It's a mug. Sometimes mugs break. This is a story, not a poem - what matters is the characters' reactions to it, not the object itself.
I think in the about 120,000 words I've got (in my drafts folder) I use about two metaphors, and one of them was a writing prompt. I don't like metaphors.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A stranger walks into the pub, a hooded cloak obscuring their face. Cheap, nasty disguise. "What can I get you?" "Something light. I have business." "Business? Who do you think you are?" "I'm whoever you want me to be." Cheap, nasty pitch."I don't hold with you types. Door's over there." They don't move."Who's that?", they ask, pointing at a patron. "Get out of my pub!" They finally pay attention to me."Relax, sweetheart. I'm not a whore." "What are you, then?" "Something better. Now, tell me who that is." I sigh. I've had a long enough day."Ross. Same order every day - pint of bitter and a listening ear. The drink I can give him, but..." "Ears aren't cheap 'round here?" "That, and rumour is he's with Lashor."As soon as a say this, I notice the stranger isn't wearing any insignia. Dangerous game to play, freelancing these days. "Really?"The stranger pulls out a business card and a handful of coins."His drink's on me. Give him the card and tell him to meet me outside." As suddenly as they had arrived, the stranger leaves. That evening, Ross goes missing. I never see him around again. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that notices.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Encore plus près d’tes adversaires
“It is my solemn duty as hostess to now announce: it is time for the first dance of the ball.”Catra appears beside me.This is going to be fun.
Mais ma meilleure ennemie, c’est toi
Adora reluctantly takes my hand, and we start to dance, spinning around.“I don’t know about you, but I am having a blast.”Spinning closer now. Holding both her hands. I wish I hadn’t worn gloves.“Whatever you’re planning, it won’t work.”“You sure?”As far as I’m aware, we’re halfway there already.
Fuis-moi, le pire, c’est toi et moi
Glimmer’s crying.“I got into a fight with Bow and he won’t want to be friends with me anymore and I don’t know where Scorpia is!”, she yells.“What? Glimmer, don’t-“Don’t leave yet. Something’s wrong.
Mais si tu cherches encore ma voix
Perfuma turns up, and immediately drapes her arms over my shoulders.“Have you seen Bow? He went to get his cummerbund, but that was a while ago. Right around the same time that Horde Princess left.”Scorpia? Is Scorpia gone? Where to? And no-one’s seen Bow? And Bow was going to actually wear his cummerbund? I can’t focus. Everything seems to be falling to pieces.“What, do you mean Scorpia?-”
Oublie-moi, le pire, c’est toi et moi
“- Glimmer, when did you last see Bow?”She’s still sobbing.“A while ago. Isn’t he with Perfuma?”“No. Perfuma says he’s been gone this entire time.”
Pourquoi ton prénom me blesse
I’m back with Adora, leaning into her. At this proximity, I could hug her. Wrap my arms around her. Bury my face into her neck. And it would be like it always was.
what’s wrong with you? you’re not even drunk. stop it. you don’t want that
“Maybe my plan won’t work. But, then again…”I dip her, and continue to regret my decision to wear gloves.“Maybe it already has. Say, where’s your friend?”She spins out to the side, and I keep a tight grip on her wrist.“Bow?”She dives for me. Perfect.
Quand il se cache juste là dans l’espace?
“What did you do to him?”She laughs. That sweet horrible squealing giggle.“Nothing permanent.”I’m lifted an inch off the floor. Wow. Might’ve done this too well.“Revered hostess, she’s got-“I’m suddenly encased in ice. There’s gaps in it, but not big enough for me to crawl through, I think.“The All-Princess Ball is a ceremony of unity. Violence is strictly forbidden.”“You don’t understand.”, I protest.“I understand perfectly. As hostess, in accordance with the rules set down over the centuries, I hereby revoke your invitation.”I hope Glimmer knows how much is hinging on her now, what with Bow missing and me kicked out.“You are to leave my kingdom and never, ever-“
C’est quelle émotion, la haine
The heat bombs go off, right on time. I never got to blow stuff up when Adora was around.The crowd is screaming and it’s so much better than the music. The ice Princess is confused. Perfect.“Remain calm. Stop!”And Adora’s still being all self-righteous.“Glimmer! Catra has Bow! You have to find him now!”What a fucking hero.“Catra. What did you do?”Is she still an idiot? Has she forgotten that she’s been watching me the whole time?“I did nothing. Scorpia, Lonnie, and Kyle, on the other hand, have been very busy. It was fun distracting you, though.”“This isn’t a game! People are going to get hurt.”Oh, and now she’s all concerned about people getting hurt. Where was this version of Adora when Shadow Weaver was torturing me in front of her? she wants you to get hurt. you’re allowed to be hurt. you’re evil“It’s never been a game to me. I’m after something bigger, and no-one is going to stop me.”The next step: I run. There’s no need to stay with Adora. no matter how much you want to She’s not the point of all this.
Ou la douceur, quand j’entends ton prénom?
She keeps running, down through the corridors that I know so well in 2D but seem like a maze in real life.She jumps up, and laughs down at me.“Trapped.”“You wish.”I join her on the ice platforms. Good thing I insisted on non-slip sandals.
Je t’avais dit : “Ne regarde pas en arrière”
Oh, we’re on a rooftop now. Funny.
Le passé qui te suit te fait la guerre
I attack her, and she throws me to the ground.But not off the edge – she could have thrown me off the edge.Keeping me alive for the fun of it? Or does she still care? I don’t know, so
Mais ma meilleure ennemie, c’est toi
I keep my hands in my pockets. I don’t want to tear that pretty dress. It looks expensive.
you remember when adora drew the dress she wanted to wear? it was-
I keep my hands in my pockets. I don’t want to tear that pretty face, but I
Fuis-moi, le pire, c’est toi et moi
dive for her, and she dodges. I’m angry. I’m making this too easy for her.A punch, another dodge.I try again, and she jumps. Kicks me in the shoulders. The breath is knocked out of me.She’s standing there, smiling – thinks she’s won. I run forward again.She dodges again – I need to calm down. I need to let go.This time she’s on the attack – not with her claws, with her elbow.I step aside, and I’m st
Mais ma meilleure ennemie, c’est toi
anding at the edge of a building, aren’t I? Always am.I’m going to fall, and I don’t really care.Her hand is around my waist, and she’s holding the front of my shirt, and you love it. she saved you. she wants you I am at her mercy. She could kill me.There’s a crash and she lets go and we’re falling and I jus
Fuis-moi, le pire, c’est toi et moi
t about manage to grab her hand. It’s hard – with the glove, and her claws pressing into my skin – but not impossible.“Hang on. I can get us out of this!”Can I, though? Really? Where’s Glimmer? Where's anyone? We're alone.“Oh, Adora. I don’t want you to.”Her hand slips out of mine.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The simulation ended, and Adora quickly wiped at her eyes with her sleeve before Light Hope could see. "You are currently operating at 0.94667:1 standard efficiency, Adora. Is there something about the training programme that is not working for you?" Adora swung the sword around a bit, to stop herself breaking down then and there."No. It's, uh... I've just had a really crappy week." "You are lacrimating.", commented Light Hope calmly. "Yup. Yeah, I guess that's true."Adora started laughing, and then dropped the sword, and started crying again, and sat on one of the flatter crystals. "Is there anything that would help?" "Just - can you not make Catra so mean? I mean - I know she is, in real life, but - I don't know. I just - I don't know." "Commencing simulation."The room started to dissolve. "No - Hope - I didn't mean now-" I blink, several times, just so I can see the hazy, pixellated edges of the scene as I open and close my eyes. I need to convince myself this isn't real. Catra's standing in front of me. There's a look on her face I've never seen before - one that, on anyone else, I would call trusting. She's still wearing her Force Captain badge, but it doesn't stand out as much here - I think, because all the colours are a little desaturated. All except her beautiful eyes: luminescent blue and yellow, looking... is it lovingly?... at me. "Hey, Adora.", she says, and I fall apart. Fall to the floor. This isn't real. She's sitting in front of me. Worried? I can't read her face, not like this. I somehow draw in a breath."Catra?" "Yeah, that's my name, silly."No, it's not. You're not real. "I'm... sorry."For everything. For standing aside. For not trying hard enough. For letting you down. For leaving. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You're trying your best."This isn't her. But it looks so much like her. I reach out, and find that her soft hair is really there. It feels so much like it did before. And she doesn't flinch away - she leans into the touch, and I can run my hand over her fluffy ear, and down the side of her face, and over her shoulder, down her arm, to her hand. And I can feel each of her delicate fingers, pliable under mine, and press at the base of each claw so that they extend and retract as I want them to. And she just sits there and lets me, watching with a contented expression. Happy, even. And the more I do it, the more I need it; I need to feel her warm skin; I need to know she's alright; I need to know she's there, I need her to trust me. And this isn't her. This isn't any one of the models of her that's based off my memories, because whichever way you slice it, my memories make her turn out confrontational, and nervous, and mean, and scared. So scared. "Catra?", I whisper. "I'm listening." "I loved being friends with you." "Shh, don't cry."Her thumb runs in circles on the back of my hand. "Thank you. For everything."I stand up. She stays sat on the floor, her bright eyes gazing into mine, like she's seeing a star."Are you leaving?" I close my eyes and turn away."Yes."I'm ready for the fight. I'm ready for the screaming. I'm ready for the tears. I'm ready. "Bye."So calm. It's not her. This isn't real. I exit the simulation without an ounce of guilt.
['lacrimating' means crying, by the way, in case you didn't know. don't mix it up with 'lactating' or something]
[1/2 of her face and all down one arm is the portion of Catra that gets corrupted in the portal]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
I hear the distinctive crack of a hand against a face as I open the nursery door. The now-sobbing child runs to a corner, and the other children shy away from it. They avert their eyes, shuffle away from it, and feign a laser focus on whatever work they're doing. I seize the collar of the supervisor, whose smirk slides off his face."Tell me your rank." "Soldier, fourth order, under Force Captain Deirdre." "And the rank of that kid?" "Cadet." "You wouldn't mistreat a superior, I trust?" The soldier blanches."N- no. Of course not." "Then you won't continue to act like that."I release him, and slap a couple of folders onto the desk."The files for next week's CO5s. All as usual." The children avoid my radius as I walk out of the room. There are a couple of officers chatting outside, but when they see me, they fall silent and straighten up. "Where should you be?", I snap. One scurries into the nursery, and the other power-walks toward the east wing.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A shadow stopped in front of Loren. Tall, slender, and - judging by the pose - rich and smug. Loren refused to look up. She flicked a fragment of orange peel at the stranger's feet. It skittered in the dust, missing that shiny shoe by an inch. "Down on your luck?"The stranger leaned over Loren, casting their shadow over her face. "I'm not in the industry. There's a house fifty yards down." "You misunderstand me, darling. I have good construction work going, easy, well paid. I just need some strong people for it." "I don't want no new buildings. Strangers ain't welcome 'round here."Loren fixed her gaze into the stranger's empty eyes. They stared back. "I'd come with me if I were you." It struck Loren, suddenly, that she still had her purple armband on. She looked for the stranger's affiliation, anywhere on those fancy clothes - none. Dangerous, these days. She hedged her bets."I'm with Huntara. You scared of her?" "Huntara's in my pocket, darling. And you've been naughty, haven't you? Bit of a-"Loren could feel the stranger's cold breath on her face."Snake."For what Loren realised was the first time, the stranger blinked. "Barb! Help!", screamed Loren. Quick as a flash the stranger pulled Loren into an embrace. There was a sudden, awful pain in her left shoulder. Loren stumbled back against the wall. She could hear feet running in her direction. The stranger took their time. They wiped the blood off their mercy dagger onto Loren's tunic - quite deliberately, in the shape of the letter H. And then they were gone.
[ooh look I did a drawing for this one]
[speech bubble says "You want the money or not?" in DnD's Draconic script]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
Ciaran is dead.
CO3 Mya: stab wound, 0245 hours.
S1 Fionn: explosion force, 0300 hours.
S1 Lewis: explosion shrapnel, 0300 hours.
FC Ciaran: explosion shrapnel, 0300 hours. Ciaran - is - dead. As well as twenty-two others, in an engagement on the Plumeria border, but Catra didn't know them, and twenty-two isn't a bad number, all things considered. Force Captain Deirdre, who wrote the report, said they took out at least ten rebels. No Princess encounters. Catra wonders, vaguely, if Adora knows. If she should tell Adora. If Adora would care. Catra hasn't used the signal system Ciaran taught them since she deposed Shadow Weaver - she hasn't needed to. Does Adora remember it? She's probably got a better system with her Princess friends. She's probably forgotten on purpose. She probably never thinks about Ciaran. He'd been a brother to Shadow Weaver's little ragtag bunch, a CO1 with too much free time and a penchant for childcare. He'd taught them maths when Shadow Weaver seemed to be skipping lessons, and brought them supplies nicked off the medics when Shadow Weaver got angry. He'd disappeared, though, when Hester died and a Force Captain spot opened up. He'd liked Hester, a lot, and she'd liked him back. The last time Catra saw him was when he'd just got the news - he was sobbing, beside himself with grief, but still had wise words. People are going to die. It's a war. You just have to remember that, whatever you're doing, you're doing it so that no-one else dies. Does Adora count as dead? It's perhaps satisfying to think the words 'she's dead to me', but really, Catra hopes it'll never get to the point that they have to actually fight. Catra couldn't kill Adora. Not as herself, at least. Soft grey eyes. Would Adora kill Catra, when it came down to the wire? A knock on the door makes Catra jump. She briefly composes herself."Enter."Of course, it's Scorpia. "Hey, wildcat, I- are you okay?" "Why do you ask?" "It's just, you look... kind of sad." "And this is relevant how?", snaps Catra. Scorpia shrinks back a bit."I - well, I suppose it is, actually, for one of the things, but, um, first thing, here are the final marks on Octavia's Cadets, so you can do the... is it normal ditribitution? To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention when-" "Thanks."Catra snatches the file from Scorpia and adds it to the to-do pile. To indicate she's done with the interaction, she starts filling out FCF-17s. She has twenty to do by dinner anyway. Scorpia stands, awkwardly, in the doorway."Why are you still here?" "Um... well... I was thinking." "Wouldn't try it if I were you." "I had an idea - we had such a good time in the Northern Reach, didn't we? What if we just... went again? To look for more tech?" "Are you insane?"Catra had hated the Northern Reach, anyway. She'd spent most of the time trying to cajole some semblance of warmth into her numb, dead hands. And - in any case - there's work to be done. So much work, while Scorpia hangs around doing the square root of fuck-all and Entrapta cosies up to Hordak. "Well... I just thought it would be nice. Entrapta loved it." "Shut up. Shut up."Catra stands up violently, her chair tipping and crashing to the floor behind her. Her face is inches from Scorpia's."I have a knife in my neck here. And I will not move - I will not kill myself - because you've decided to start having ideas.", she hisses. She shoves Scorpia in the chest, and Scorpia, disarmed, stumbles back a step as Catra picks up her chair and returns to her work."Congratulations on the ideas, though. I didn't think there was a brain in that thick skull." On the verge of tears, Scorpia leaves. Catra picks up Deirdre's report again. Deceased; FC Ciaran. She resists the impulse to tear it up - she'd only have to copy it out again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
My body's on the line now
This isn't the first time I've woken up on a precipice. I go there to think, and end up nodding off to sleep.
I can't fight this time now
Or, at least, that's what I tell myself. Sleep.
I can feel the light shine on my face
This is the first time I've seriously considered just... giving in, though. Relax whatever bounds are holding me up here, and freefall.
Did I disappoint you?
no no no no no no no
adora
adora would be destroyed
Will they still let me over?
No, she wouldn't. Not my Princess. She doesn't care if I die. She doesn't care how I die. If it's from the very rooftop we were sitting on when I told her I wanted her. Forever. And she walked away.
If I cross the line
So... should I?I stand up, and extend one of my feet out into the empty, cold air.
finish the job
you'll break adora
she deserves it
she would mourn you
you're dying anyway
adora
Take a seat
Maybe tomorrow.I hop down from my perch, and walk through the Fright Zone. It's been so long since I was crawling through service tunnels and vents. Younger Me would have avoided what I am now like the plague.
But I'd rather you not be here for
Adora - ever the stickler for rules - she, though, would be among those who drop everything to salute as I walk past.
What could be
Even in the forge, where heat presses in from the air and I can barely walk in a straight line - where I wouldn't care if a coup was going on two feet from me - they salute. Or run.
My final form
I'm dying, aren't I? The heat didn't used to affect me that bad. It didn't used to affect Adora at all, and I doubt it would now.Some leader I am. Reign of terror, iron fist, and if you look close enough, the iron's cracked at every joint.
Stay your pretty eyes on course
The trick is to keep them far away.What do they say - friends close, enemies closer? Adora's my enemy, so no-one's allowed closer than she is.
Keep the memories of
I get to my bedroom and collapse across the end of the bed. Then I jump up, because I don't do that any more. I won't be her pet.
Who I was before
So I reorient myself, lying properly in bed. The shit mattress doesn't help my shoulders, or back, or hips, or knees, but I still manage to drift off into a dream.
So stay with me because
My hands are small. They're the first thing I look at. My claws are short - two of them broken while fighting, one of them clipped by an older Cadet's knife.Adora's standing in front of me. I reach out for her hand, and she pulls it away, and walks backward into the mist.
My body's on the line now
I don't know how old I am here. I run a hand over my stomach, and, yep - still smooth and clean.So I
do it
again.
I can't fight this time now
I don't know why I keep reliving this moment. I've had the scars for a decade now - my reciept, my certificate, my badge of honour - but my dreams loop on it still. And every time feels like the first time.
I can feel the light shine on my face
Except that, the first time, no-one came to find me.Adora's here this time. Reaching out a glowing hand into the shadowy, bloodstained corner I'm hidden in.
Did I disappoint you?
Does it matter that it's the Adora that's my enemy? The one that glows?No, I don't think it does. She's still just as upset that I did it again. I promised I'd stop.
Will they still let me over?
She doesn't pull me up to be beside her. She lets go of my hand, and looks at my blood on it, and raises an eyebrow.And does an about turn and strolls away into the light.
If I cross the line
And I curl up back in the corner. I'll die here.
[FN: the first half of the chapter, + "every joint"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Tung Lashor. Also present is Huntara.]
"You got my message." "You ought to know that I didn't pay attention to it. I don't trust you, Lashor. My people are outside." "Likewise." "You have the photographs?" "Here. All the different personas, and their leader." "Yep, that's the leader of the... 'company'. I've got the footage." "Play it." Huntara pointed her projector at the wall of the dark, empty pub. It showed the 'leader' walking behind a wall and out the other side as one of their 'employees'."I had some people look into it. It's just the one character - shapeshifter called Cameron from one of the northern villages. They're posing as a team to fleece us." "Not to mention double-crossing us both. Two-faced little-" Huntara laughs."I knew I was being double-crossed from day one. Didn't matter to me. The job was getting done." "If that's all, then?" "Pleasure dealing with you, Lashor." "Oh, no, the pleasure's all mine. Until next time."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The lyrics that divide the text are from the chorus of Nobody's Soldier by Hozier. Excellent song for Double Trouble, I find]
And I don't wanna
It's my choice, my choice, my choice, I say to myself, as the familiar soft earth underfoot gets drier, and the caked footprints I'm used to leaving become quick-disappearing clouds of dust.
Choose between
I'm moving away from the - my - border villages closer to the green side of the Eis-Plateau, heading, I suppose, in the general direction of Dryl. No-one goes south out of the Valley of the Lost alone, though, so I'll stop there and hitch a ride out. Maybe backtracking toward Snows, maybe closer to the Versey, or I'll maybe take the Median crossing.
Being a salesman or a soldier
My choice, my choice, my choice. Yeah, right. My cocky schemes aren't doing me much good now. Everyone knows that passage out of the Valley costs handsomely.
Just let me look a little older
I haven't been in this part of the Waste, where it's really a dead land, since I arrived, since I was Cameron the ever-so-good little boy. Eugh. The idea of being one person, forever, makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
Let me step a little bolder
I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a grey rat. I step on the thing, snapping its spine. Good thing my aim's impeccable - it's a small, skinny thing - because I don't feel like being poisoned today. Venommed, I suppose, might make for a more accurate verb. What with my habit of inventing words, I should become a writer.
Choose between
Back to thinking about the future, I weigh up my options.Snows is large, easy to disappear in, and the city itself trades with the Valley, making the journey easier. It's incredibly well-defended from the Horde, but then again, I'm not scared per se of the Horde, not to mention that its defence makes Snows very isolated.Down by the Versey, I would have my pick of territories. Bright Moon would be the obvious, given its size and natural diversity, but it's also strongly allied against the Horde, and I'm looking to make as many friends as I can. Plumeria has the same problem, although the extra appeal of its lax laws surrounding drugs is undeniable. Then there's the Fright Zone itself, although, as I say, I'm not looking to make enemies of powerful nations.If I can get myself south of the Valley with something left in my pocket, then heading to Salineas seems an attractive solution. It is also allied against the Horde, but well defended too, and anyway, politics don't hold much weight around sailors. I've often thought to myself, I should be a sailor. It would suit me.
Being a butcher or a pauper
I've been a great many things in my time. Primary amongst them, of course, is spy - but then, murderer, hunter, fighter, flirter, and who-knows-what-else-I've-done-for-information fall under that bracket. What I've never been is poor. It's my personal philosophy that I should have money, and I do have money, and I will have money. Regardless of whether it's true, this is the standard I hold myself to.
Honey, I'm taking no orders
It was only natural, perhaps - if one chooses to believe in 'nature' and such - that I got a bit greedy. I fucked around, and now I have found out, according to the popular phrase. It's a shame, really, that I've nothing to ceremonially cast aside: some of my projects made quite the drama of it, ripping up or burning or, in several brilliant cases, eating their insignia. Before, of course, I killed them for their disloyalty. A project's a project, whether or not I would really like to find out if the stomachs of a ruminant can digest clothing.
I'm gonna be nobody's soldier
This notwithstanding, I can enjoy the fact that I still haven't sworn an alliance, and never will, not even in the Valley, where it's even more dangerous to go unprotected. I like to think that I'm dangerouser.The making-up-words thing really doesn't work unless I'm a writer. Damnit.
[Can you tell that I find DT really hard to write? I hope I captured their personality well enough]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
I walk up to Hordak's throne. The lights leave him in shadow. What seems like the entire Horde is here, watching me in handcuffs, about to die. Hordak approaches me, and I do not cower."Force Captain Catra. You have betrayed me with the most gross insubordination. Your execution will be public, to teach your peers what happens to those who disobey." I open my mouth to respond, and he strikes me across the face. I am thrown to the floor, and hit my head. I can taste blood. My ears are ringing and my vision is swimming. The handcuffs have broken. They are in several pieces, on the floor beside me. "Get up." I am not given a choice. He grabs me by the neck and lifts me until my feet don't touch the floor. I can't breathe. "Traitorous scum like you should never have been given life in the first place. I gave you everything you have out of the generosity of my heart, and you throw it away so easily. I desire peace for Etheria, and you wish to corrupt my mission. You don't deserve the mercy of death, but luckily for you, it would be a waste to do anything else." A shot rings out, and he drops me. Turns away, back to his throne. I touch my chest. There is a gaping, smouldering hole in the middle of it. It must have gone all through me and severed the spine, because all that exists of me seems to be my hands and my head and my chest, which is getting harder and harder to fill with each breath. I can feel my airways clogging; my lungs collapsing; my pericardium filling with blood, compressing a heart that shouldn't be mine. My vision, already blurry, begins to darken. I look out to the crowd. Lonnie is wearing a Force Captain badge. And Scorpia is looking at her, smiling. No one sees me die. Except one grey eye, barely visible in its camouflage against the ceiling, which drops a crystal tear. I wake up suddenly. I am living, and breathing, and still chained to the damn wall in this damn prison. After a moment of doubt, I settle on wishing that Hordak would get on with it and kill me. save you the trouble I repress the thought.
[Hordak is speaking uncharacteristically. This is because it's not Hordak, it's a character in Catra's dream.]
['heart that shouldn't be mine' can be read two ways - 1. she genuinely believes she does not deserve to be alive and 2. she still loves adora]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
Earlier in the party, I got handed a cup of something that burned my mouth when I drank it, and I didn't care for it then, but now I don't care whether I care or not. get drunk, like she used to, forget about it all, it's not like she'd mind, she hates you So I find a bottle of the stuff, and it's full but the lid's missing, and I just don't care. I almost choke on a mouthful of it, but I'm Catra, strongest in the Crimson Waste, about to be the strongest in the Horde, and Catra doesn't choke. I like how it feels, maybe. Don't know. Have to have more to find out. There are people everywhere, and it's hurting your ears I don't mind it. Tung Lashor's - no, my - insignia everywhere. There it is, on Scorpia's back. Scorpia. scorpia I drink a bit more, and then shove my way over to her and grab her arm. She turns around, surprised, and a skinny girl slips away into the crowd, glaring at me."Wildcat? Oh, hi! I was just - jus' making friends with the locals."She gestures, with a pincer that's holding a cup, at where the skinny girl was a moment ago. I grab Scorpia's collar, mutter, "I'm pissed out of my mind. This doesn't count.", and kiss her, just to know what it feels like. Not like much, actually. Warm; too warm. Wet. Tastes like alcohol. Lasts a few seconds, and then I pull away - disappointed? No, that's not the word for it. underwhelmed? maybe Perhaps Scorpia starts crying, perhaps she doesn't: it slips out of my mind once I can't see her any more, and then there's something else loud - music. The people are moving, dancing, now, and so do I, I copy them and do my own thing too and then there's someone else there. It's a tall person, green you think but it's dark and I can't see well. They're running their hands over my jacket
and then you realise they're running their hands over you
and I lean into it, because it can't hurt, can it? stop touching me And at some point I've put the bottle somewhere, or dropped it, and you have two hands free and the stranger feels good, they're taller than me, they have a nice waist and cold smooth skin and who cares if we find a private room in whatever this weird place is, and I'm slowly starting to piece together the fact that you can't think straight, and the stranger says they like it, that I have claws, and no one's told you that before, and honestly honestly?
who cares any more
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
[We're just before she activates the portal.]
I would burn the world, break the world, kill the world, crush the world, rather than- Rather than see the hate in her eyes again.Rather than lose to the Rebellion again.Rather than give Shadow Weaver an ounce more of my soul. Again and again and again even though she's gone and she still picked Adora and she still loves Adora and- Rather than face the lie. Rather than leave her like she left me. I think of Adora in the half-second that I pull the lever; she is my disrespectful only thought until my mind is a fragment and my consciousness is gone. I wake up, somewhere new - no, somewhere old. Somewhere perfect.
[Cue the fake reality etc. I'm skipping that - cut to, like, the end of it? From Catra's perspective? After she abstracts anyway]
The white noise that had already stolen half my hearing consumes the rest, crackling and drowning. The static blinds my other eye; it's that, or the static is everything and everywhere, invading my lungs, slicing my skin, pervasive and bitingly cold. The void numbs my senses and makes you deserve to hurt me a stranger to reality, until- There is ground beneath and air around me. I put a hand to my face. Shit. I'm alive. I didn't realise how much I hate it. But that also means - surely - Yes. She's alive too. you need her. you depend on her I push away the lingering regret and the momentary relief, leaving only a burning flame of anger.
[Catra faces an interesting problem here. She really wants to kill herself, however: {her brain is childish. Therefore, if she has a fear of being left behind, Adora - by extension - must also, in her perception. This is actually not true, but that's irrelevant.} In addition, {Catra loves Adora.} Therefore, Catra refuses to leave Adora behind/alive. This leads to the 'solution' being a murder-suicide: i.e. what Catra's just found out the portal will be.]
[Does Catra count as hearing voices? Or is it, in all technicality, hearing voice? Or is it intrusive thoughts? Anyway, it gets more interrupt-y from about here.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I do not know how I came into being. I was born, so they say, at the death of the ninth Runestone. Some say I am magic incarnate; some that I am a fraud. I am inclined to agree with the latter.
Eight hundred and forty-three years, was Etheria my home.
Eight hundred and fifteen was it my responsibility.
I have entertained nine partners, twelve children, five wars, and one court.
I have buried nine partners, eleven children, and four wars.
I have known, for seven hundred and ninety-four years, that I am a coward. Never swordbearing, never standing at the front line, never giving anything of myself that wasn't taken.
So much has been taken from me, all that I could give was my body; my frame and my consciousness given into the Between. The Between: what a strange place. Beautiful. Silent, mostly, except when the brown-haired woman appears - I try to speak to her, and she runs into the mist. Afraid. Apart from her, the Between is empty, devoid of form, devoid of matter. I do not know what is happening on Etheria; I do not know if there is such a thing as time here.
Now that I am gone, my Runestone will belong to my daughter. My daughter is not a coward. She will use her power, to its fullest extent, and I admire her for that.
I do not know whether she will succeed. I do not know whether I have lost, or will lose, my court and my daughter. In some small way, I do not want to know. I could not stand to lose them. I could not stand to lose her.
It is this that tells me that I am still a coward.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Scorpia]
Catra's office door isn't locked. That means I can go in, right? If it doesn't, I'll totally get chewed out, but then I'll know for next time. Scientific methods! Oh, yeah, Entrapta's all about those. Was. Entrapta was. Still trying to get my head around that. I hit the button and the door slides open, and I give a big, sunny smile."Heya, boss! I collected those reports you wanted on the Colonian farmers." Catra's sitting squashed into the corner, on the floor."Go away, Scorpia."She's putting on a sort-of babyish voice, for reasons that it is absolutely not my place to question. "Okay, then, cool. I'll just... leave these... here...?"It takes me a second to balance the reports on top of the overflowing mess that Catra's inbox has been since September. "Don't leave."Catra's ears have flattened, and her pupils are all dilated, and darn me if that's not so cute. I sit cross-legged on the floor in front of her."Soooo... what'cha doing?" Nervously, Catra shows me something. It's just a rag - part of a blanket? The same shade of blue, certainly."It's mine." "Yeah, yeah, it is."I bite my lip awkwardly."Look, forgive me if this is totally out of line, but - are you - having some kind of breakdown, Wildcat?" Catra curls up tighter, hugging the bit of blanket."Go away." "Well, I don't-" "Go away!"This time she swipes at my face, just glancing off the exoskeleton that covers my cheekbone. I'll probably have to polish that one out. "Alright, I'm going."I get up and back away slowly."If you need anything, I'm always here. Okay? I'm your rock in a crisis. Don't you fret-"I'm cut off by the door sliding shut in my face. There's a Force Captain, one of the new ones whose name I haven't quite caught yet, leaning against the wall outside. "Hey, are you waiting around for Catra?", I ask. He nods, waving a stack of forms boredly at me. I take them from him."She doesn't do these any more. I'm responsible for them, now. Thanks!"I try to squint at them knowledgably as he strolls back down the corridor, but really I don't know what the heck I'm looking at. I'll drop them in with Catra later, maybe. Adora marches into Shadow Weaver's room and sits resolutely on one of the armchairs. Shadow Weaver doesn't turn from the window. She raises her glass behind her - a little toast - to Adora."Pity you're so bored that you come back here, hm? Do your duties not keep you busy? The upcoming coronation?" "We are talking. Not about Glimmer, not about the portal, not about the ship, just - talking. I..."Adora looks at her knees and takes a deep breath."I have to know." "You have to know what."It's a question, but it doesn't sound like one. "Why did - why did you hurt Catra? And don't give me all that 'it makes her obedient' bullcrap. Tell me why." Shadow Weaver sets down her glass on a side table, draws the sheer purple curtains to cast a haze over the whole room, and sits down opposite Adora."Because I'm an evil witch with a stone in place of a soul. Is that what you wanted to hear?" "No." "Then I don't know what to tell you."She crosses her legs and regards Adora very carefully."... It was to make her strong, Adora. Some people have innate drive and motivation; some do not. I have learned from experience that those that do not need a little extra push to set them on their way." Adora looks down at her bracelet, and then back up at Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver smiles invisibly behind her mask."Yes, Adora, you have a natural strength, congratulations, and so on - this, you know already. Now, I would suggest you do not let it be tethered to Catra, and thus rot. Is that unwise of me?" "I'm - not giving you my opinions.", Adora mutters uncomfortably. "Then, I would also suggest you not give your time to the company of a bitter old woman." "Fine."Adora stands up, brushes off her shoulders, and walks out. "Do not make stupid decisions, Adora, my dear.", Shadow Weaver says as the door shuts.
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This is what you asked for, heavy is the crown
I take out my new clothes. They’re pretty much exactly as I requisitioned them. The arms are a tough black material, but still flexible; the torso is like a shell. Sword-proof panels in the front and back. The shorts are just shorts, and the socks are just socks, but there’s an amount of satisfaction in the way they fit me perfectly, no adjustments required. The buttons at the shoulders are fiddly, and so is the invisible zip at the side, but it looks good.It looks really good.I admire the gaps in the chest and the back. It's far and away not my idea - always been popular in customised uniforms. Like a challenge – come on. Stab me. Try it.I think there’s something missing on the right shoulder. Looks a little plain.
Fire in the moonrise, ashes raining down
“Hi, mum. If you’re there.”I stare out at the lake from my balcony. The rising moons are reflecting in it. If I could pick a celestial body to be my mum, it would be the delicate purple moon, but that only shows up once a month, so I’ve got nothing to talk to most of the time.“I don’t know what to do today.”I look at my tiara. My tiara, now. She gave it to me years ago, but it’s actually legally mine now, too, along with all Bright Moon’s riches and treasures.“I miss you.”The nothing doesn’t miss me back.
Try to hold it in, but it keeps bleeding out
There. Finished. I’ve added a little diamond shape to the shoulder. It’s cut out of my old clothes, but I won’t be wearing those anymore.
not after what you’ve done to yourself
you promised you wouldn’t. you br
I force a smile to the me in the mirror, and pull the sleeve over my ruined arm.
This is what you asked for
I go over to my desk. I still haven’t sorted out all the coronation letters I got.Dear Queen Glimmer. To the esteemed Queen Glimmer. Queen Glimmer. Writing to Queen Glimmer. From the Kingdom of Snows to Queen Glimmer. To Her Majesty, Queen Glimmer.When I was little I would have seen this and screamed with joy.At least someone’s still screaming.
Heavy is the
my chest is being crushedi can’t breathe i can’t see i can’t movewhere’s the me in the mirror gone?
you shattered her
Heavy is the crown
And when my eyes aren’t red any more and I look cold and regal again, I can put my tiara back on.Etheria bends its knee to me.
(Heavy is the-)
I end up scratching my fingers on the glass shards when the mirror won’t go back together.No matter: I can kick it all into the corner, and it doesn’t exist any more.No-one will know.
This is what you asked for, heavy is the crown
I’m an hour early for the meeting, but this is my War Room, so I’m allowed to be.I can’t quite remember if Casta offered to have one of her professors from the College of Artistic Studies come down and re-do the mural. I don’t want her to, anyway. I like it exactly the way that it is.I don’t want to be big like my mum is. I want to be the Glimmer that hides in her shadow. Pink and small and loved.“Hi, there.”I jump - it’s Bow. I didn’t notice him come in.
Fire in the moonrise, ashes raining down
Someone messages me. Scorpia. Something about a fire in her Force’s dorm. Not my problem, then.I tune my comm off my channel – the Force Captains all have their own – because I don’t feel like being contacted for now.Captains are supposed to be online at all times, but I don’t think my Force has the nerve to challenge me on it.
Try to hold it in, but it keeps bleeding out
“Oh, Glimmer, you are loved.”, murmurs Bow as I sob into his chest. “I - Adora and I love you. The Princess Alliance love you. Bright Moon loves you. Etheria loves you.”“But – but – I want my mum back.”“I know you do. I know.”He keeps rubbing one hand up and down my back, rocking gently.Dawn light starts to illuminate the room. Meeting-time, soon.
This is what you asked for
I’m missing something. Two things.First – my Force Captain badge. Still shiny. Still got a broken lock mechanism – still stabs me every time I pin it on – but I don’t want a new one. adora wore this one I throw it into the corner, and it clinks, settling among the broken glass. I don’t need a badge. Everyone knows who I am, and if they don’t, they won’t live long enough to find out.
everyone knows you. no one knows you. adora knew you
Second – my mask. The one and only gift Shadow Weaver ever gave me, and I still don’t know why she did.
Heavy is the
I sweep into the room: everyone falls silent and stands up.And, I have to admit, it feels good.
Heavy is the crown
I put it on.The me in the shards looks good.
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[Adora.]
“Hey, Catra.”, I say smugly. This time – this time – I’ve got her. There’s no way she’s getting out of this. She doesn’t move.“Go away.”Her voice is raw and angry. “No.”I cut down the vines she’s tangled in, and she hits the ground with a thud. And stays there.“You’re coming to Bright Moon as a prisoner of the Princess Alliance.”I turn back into myself, and crouch down next to her.“You can join us. Catra, please. You can change.” She suddenly grabs the front of my shirt – she was less trapped than I thought she was – and pulls herself up so our eyes are inches apart, and on instinct, I hold my sword to the back of her neck. Her breathing is ragged.“The fuck I can change. I told you. I’m never going with you.” “Adora? You doing alright?”, calls Bow from somewhere below this ledge. I don’t respond to him. I’m too focused on the claws scratching shallow into my chest.“I am going to drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to. Not personally – not because it’s you – it’s because you’ve committed war crimes. You’ve killed, you’ve tortured, and you’ve laughed in the face of it. You are coming to Bright Moon.” She smiles, and leans in closer.“I have killed, haven’t I? What’s one more?”Her free hand goes behind her, to the sword, and she holds the blade, and pulls it closer to herself. A tiny bit more force, and it would start to cut.“You scared, Princess?” The sword turns back into a bracelet, and Catra moves away, laughing down at me. Now I’m the one sitting in the dirt. My hands are shaking and clammy. “You are so easy to mess with, Adora. Were you actually scared I’d do it? Ha!” She would, though. I made her promise not to. But she would. The gloves she’s wearing scare me. She starts wandering away.“Later, Princess.” “Catra! No! Please.”, I beg. “Please.”I don’t know what I’m asking. For her to walk willingly into prison? For her to leave the Horde? For her to undo the portal? She kicks a pebble in my direction.“Y’know, I thought you’d finally stopped listening to Shadow Weaver. The day you left. I’d been hoping for years – hoping you’d finally stand up for me. For once. So when you left, I thought you’d seen sense. I thought you saw that she was manipulating you.”She’s still walking away. No, limping away. It’s well hidden.“But it turns out, you’ve built yourself a little Princess paradise, and Shadow Weaver’s right there in the middle of it with you. Does she still tell you how disrespectful I am? How I deserve every bruise?”Someone shouts something, below, that I can’t hear.“Yeah. Clearly, she does, or at least, you still believe it. You still belong to her. I don’t know how you don’t see it.” She leaves. I am alone again. At some point, Bow appears.“What’s – whoa, Adora, you alright?” “Mm. Mhm. Yep. Great.”I stand up, and sweep back the loose strands of hair, and smile broadly. Bow gathers me in a hug, and I have to fight the urge to start crying.“Heyy. It’s okay.”He starts gently rocking me.“What’s upset you?” “Nothing. Nothing, I’m all good. A-OK. Excellente. Wunderbar.” “No, you’re not. Let’s get back home, and get you a cup of tea and some clean clothes, and then we can talk. The Best Friends Squad altogether. Yeah?” I separate myself from him, blinking quickly, and pull out the sword again.“Yeah. Cool.”
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Double Trouble dangled a tin cup of water in front of Catra. She didn't look up from her screen."What." "You're dehydrated, kitten. I know the look. You should be careful~. It kills quickly out here." Catra scrutinised DT for a second, and then slowly took the cup, as if they were about to say psych and spill it on her instead. They didn't. Just watched as she drank it all at once and then returned to her work. "What, no 'thank you'?", they asked, leaning against the wall uncomfortably close to Catra. She smirked."No. I'm paying you enough." "Oh, you think I saved your life because I work for you?"DT laughed."No, darling. It's because you're hot." Catra stopped tapping the screen, but she still stared at it, eyes unfocused. Of course, DT noticed."You got a crush already? Well, it's obviously not Big, Red & Brawny over there - you hate her~."They were speaking like the words tasted delicious. "Don't you have work to do?", asked Catra irritably. "No...", they sighed. "And neither do you, not really. They've been given their commands - you just have to let the soldiers do their thing. Look at the scene. Two idle souls, incredibly attractive the both of us, and one of us just-so-happens to have a private room." Catra hissed."Bugger off." DT walked slowly forward, and then began to pace steadily in front of Catra."I can be anything you want. Well. Anyone, unless we're willing to get creative. Hold on. Don't tell me if I'm right or not."They transformed into a large purple figure, rough around the edges, with a white ponytail, and watched Catra's non-reaction."Big women aren't your type, huh? Big men?"Now, a young man in a gold-trimmed crop top, wearing a bright smile. DT grinned at Catra's claws digging into the back of the communicator."Let me think. Who else was with them?"A tall woman, floral and sunny, in a pink dress. Another barely-there reaction; Catra still staring at the screen."I'm along the right lines, aren't I?- no, wait, don't tell me."Now, a cocky blonde in a red jacket. Catra dropped the communicator and stormed forward, grabbing DT by the throat, and not caring what her claws did."You have three seconds to change back. Two, one." They turned back into themself, slipping out of her grasp and gasping for air."Oh- wow- ki- kitten, what is - the history - there? Such drama~. Aww, did she break your heart?" Catra turned away, and seemed almost surprised to see shards of glass scattered across the floor from the broken screen. She nodded at it."Clean that up."And then she left.
[DT's actually being genuine here, or at least as much as they can be. They do like her, but they like antagonising her better]
[I tend to end a lot of scenes with characters walking out, which plays into the whole scene/act structure terminology thing I've got. No point in continuing a scene after the exeunt]
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Both fighters recognised the sound. They were alone - the Salinean had managed to draw the soldier away from his post, as part of a guerilla effort to reclaim a small village on the southwest coast. They'd been battling for seven minutes - both nearly exhausted - when they heard the drilling of the pulse robot. The Salinean made eye contact with the soldier. His helmet had come off at some point in the melée - he was young. Pale, and brown-haired, and brown-eyed, and all things considered, quite beautiful. The soldier made eye contact with the Etherian. Her face was painted with swirls of blue; the fingerprints of the artist could still be distinguished in the colour. It complemented her eyes. Although he'd never confessed it, the soldier thought that Etheria was beautiful. The robot was too close - they both knew it. Their weapons simultaneously hit the earth. As the robot charged itself, they both stood up. The Salinean was about three inches taller than the soldier, but neither noticed as they faced each other as equals. The soldier put out a hand into the space between them. The Salinean took it, and shook it. Once, twice, Dead.
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[The first speaker is Scorpia.]
[Actually, speaking (re. the second sentence in this scene) of breaking stuff, why the heck is the Fright Zone literally made of paper? Adora punched a button panel and it broke! Sea Hawk leaned on a pipe and it broke! Scorpia touched a railing and it broke! You'd think if moral integrity was out of the question they'd have at least some structural integrity but apparently not!]
Scorpia leans against the railing next to Catra. She's careful, this time, not to break it. Doing that the last time had seemed to antagonise Catra."You know," she tries, "they say there's someone for everyone." "Fuck you.", replies Catra coldly. "What?" "I've heard it before. 'Can't believe there's two people that insane on the planet.' You're the first one to say it to my face, though." "No, I meant -" "Go away, Scorpia." "You know how you agreed that -" "Are you deaf? Go away!" "... Sorry."Scorpia leaves. I could absolutely use that against her. Scorpia hangs on my every word anyway. so what would be the point Imagine if she thought I liked her. I don't need - I don't need Adora any more. Scorpia would... Adora protected me. Scorpia would protect me. I don't need protecting any more. adora scorpia's breath is fresh. she brushes her teeth with the mint toothpaste that only force captains can get. though most of them don't bother I could tolerate kissing her. I could put up with it. her lips, cold against yours, her pincers around your waist, her face so close to you, you could poke out her eye in half a second Shut up. I can switch off - I've done it enough times. Stop being me. Watch myself - and it always comes along with a vague feeling of detached amusement, because I'm watching someone else fuck up her own life - with Scorpia. her hard exoskeleton under one hand, soft skin under another, so close to scorpia. she wants to be close to you My elbow slips off the edge of my desk, and my ribs slam into its hard edge. I don't care. I can't do this. My mind is creating sickening images, one after another: Scorpia beside me, Scorpia in front of me, Scorpia below me, Scorpia on top of me. Scorpia's skin against mine. I can't. I can't do that. adora isn't here to protect you anymore. you're weak alone I can't. Scorpia's skin against mine. I just can't. Touching my own skin is hard enough - when I'm trying to be gentle - it's easy to rip and tear. Make a mess. It's not my mess. It's not my skin. It's not my pain. you can't use scorpia like that I can't be near Scorpia like that.
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The foot-soldier mission was not going well. Intel had reported that Elberon was low on defence due to a recent skirmish in the Median Ocean, so a small team led by Catra had gone in to take the village. Intel had, obviously, been wrong. The Rebellion had been there in full force within minutes - by Catra's estimation, summoned by a whistleblower and teleported in by the queen - and it was becoming a task to get the whole offensive team away unharmed. Of course, as was typical, Catra ended up in some clearing in the Whispering Woods, fighting Adora hand-to-hand yet again. There ought to have been robots there to do it for her - but, in recent times, technological development had been stunted. It wasn't even Adora. It was the stupid fucking golden Princess. you want to see adora, don't you There was no point trying to win - she just had to distract Adora long enough to get 75% of the team out, so it could be recorded as a draw, if a success was off the table. Catra leapt up and grabbed a tree branch. Adora seized her by the ankle and sent her rolling into the decaying leaves. Catra darted for an exit. Adora chopped a branch down, blocking the exit with a crash. Catra whirled around, searching for a solution, then Adora was there, grabbing with her free hand the outstretched wrist - Catra gave a small, strangled half-scream. Recognisable from the years before - Adora, stop, you're actually hurting me. And Adora knew. Within a split second the pair were frozen. It was utter panic on the one side, and absolute betrayal on the other. The world seemed to grind itself back into gear again, and Catra managed to climb up into the trees. Adora made no attempt at pursuit. For a moment Catra watched. Adora turned back into her own self - it seemed so small and dim now. She sat on the ground right where she was, caving in on herself. There were other things to be attending to now. you hurt her. look at you. hurting your adora. never thought you'd have it in you. you are stronger Broken promises aren't broken if the bridge itself is burnt.
[How to distinguish between thoughts ("you hurt her.") and memories/quotes ("Adora, stop, you're actually hurting me.")? It's simple - thoughts don't have capital letters at the start of sentences, and no full stop at the end of phrases - memories/quotes do.]
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Reschedule everything from today.
Catra's hand felt so heavy that it was a monumental effort to type each letter.
Don't disturb me. I'm working.
The dim glow of the screen was painful to look at.
Thanks. -Catra
The mobile communicator clattered on the floor. The sound hurt. It wasn't her fault she'd caught the 'flu. It was her fault, though - it was pure weakness - that she always seemed to have it worse than everyone else. The room was spinning and warping and she'd barely even moved her head in reaction to the noise. Adora used to help. Adora used to care. Shadow Weaver used to call her weak. And right now, Catra only had the capacity to listen to one memory.
you ok wildcat?
are you sick? your not in your office
i can bring you some tea
no one wuold even know
ill cover for you
I told you not to disturb me.
sorry but im worried
and ocktavia gave me some paperwork for you and i dont know how to do it
please tell me whats wrong
Do not try to do any of my work%
is the percent a typo or does it mean something
i dont know whats going on
Get off this channel.
sorry
[FN: "worse than everyone else"]
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[The first speaker is a Horde soldier of the fifth order. Also present is a Horde soldier of the fourth order, and Finn.]
"Judy, hi." "Sam! It's been too long. What's this? It's not twelve yet, surely? What've they been feeding them kids?" "You dolt - this is a toddler. Anyway, came to report it. Defective." "Shouldn't you be reporting to Gail?" "Not sure where Gail's got herself to. And I'd get in some hot water if I didn't report it to anybody." "Oh, right. I think I remember where the forms are kept. So, what's wrong with it?" "Deaf, I think. Or just stupid." Finn smiled at Judy. "Aww, c'mon, Sam. How could you report this little angel?" "Yeah, I know. Never feel good, disposing of the little ones. But... protocol. 'S my neck on the line." "Well... there are rumours, I won't say where from, that our Great Leader is..." "Sshhh. Not out here." "Hmm. But, if... that happens, I... I always fancied myself as a mother. How's about, you fiddle with the numbers. Bring the birth date up by a year. Buy it a bit of time, eh?" "I don't want to risk my position. Hell, I'd be risking my life." "And you'd rather kill a baby?" "... Fine. Fine. Finn, listen to me, you're eighteen mon- it can't hear me. This is such a bad idea, Judy."Sam began to lead the child away anyway. "You are heaven-sent, Sam, love." "I bloody well am not."
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Scorpia walked into the room to see Double Trouble, sitting on a box, playing apathetically with a yo-yo, and Catra, unmoving, on the floor. "She passed out.", narrated Double Trouble. They clearly hadn't tried to help. Scorpia knelt down next to Catra."Hey there, wildcat? Can you hear me? Can you get up?"She looked dead apart from that she was breathing. Scorpia began to properly panic."Catra? What's wrong?" DT put their feet up, observing with a smirk. Not to be deterred, Scorpia tried to turn Catra over, in case there was a necessity for CPR - she'd gone to a masterclass on it - and accidentally pulled off Catra's left-hand glove. Scorpia reeled back, suddenly dizzy."Who's done that to her?" DT raised an eyebrow at Scorpia, and sauntered over, transforming into their version of Catra. They pulled off their own left-hand glove."I included some, obviously, to get in character."They had several neat lines across the arm, white and raised."But that is dedication." Catra's hand and wrist - everything that was hidden by the glove - were covered with messy atrophic scars: long vertical slashes on the inner arm; angry scores on the back of the hand; gouge marks in the palm from having made tight fists. Scorpia started crying. In contrast, Double Trouble started laughing as their own hand changed to match it exactly."That'll freak her out one day."They turned back into their normal reptilian form and draped themself once more across the stack of boxes in the corner. Scorpia stayed where she was, sobbing, having forgotten her feeble attempt at first aid.
[FN: "she passed out" + "atrophic scars"]
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[Catra.]
My shoulder hurts. There is someone - a messenger - behind a door that is about to open. "Princess Adora has been captured." "I will have a private audience with the prisoner." I turn around, and there she is. Her face is blue crystal - glowing and reflective. I don't like it. We are alone. There is something binding her, and the sword is gone, so we talk. "You're home, Adora. I'm in charge now. It's finally ours." "You're wrong." "I have the power to keep us both safe." "It was never enough." "They broke you. You need me." "You know I'm happier." "You want to be here." "Your dream, princess. Not mine." Blue. I don't like it. I extend my claws and swipe at her neck. Carotid artery. There is a nanometre of steel space between us when I stop. I can feel the warmth radiating from her skin, and it burns. Roaring flame. Blue. "I hate you." Even in the pitch darkness, I know I am lying on the floor. My shoulder is wedged at an awkward angle against the bedframe. I drag myself back up and disappointing look at the clock. 2:49 AM. There's no point in trying to get any more sleep. I have to be in the comms room at four for the next maneuvre on Dryl. So I lie in the dark, thinking, until the electrics get reconnected after their nightly hiatus. My shoulder hurts. you are broken
[Believe it or not the back and forth between catra and 'adora' does actually make sense when you remember that 'adora' is actually catra's rational subconscious in a costume. This is also why it doesn't matter who says "I hate you".]
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Scorpia yawned. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Just a bit... bit further... until... Beep beep? Scorpia sighed."Yeah, you're right, bud. But - look, we haven't even got a tent."She would rather have preferred to have at least some canvas between her and whatever lurked in the shadows, whispering. Bip beep boop. Scorpia sat on the floor in a little tree-root concave, and she had to admit, it was wonderful after hours of trekking. She set her rucksack behind her back, as a pillow, and pulled out her blanket, and Emily nestled up next to her. She ran one claw along the scratches. One last mark of Catra. One last mark of what they'd left behind. Forever."Emily - am I a bad friend?" Beep. "I left her, though, didn't I? And that's got to hurt, 'specially after Adora." Boop bip bip. Boop. Scorpia patted Emily, smiling. She could be a little stubborn sometimes, just like her creator."I- I don't think that's true. If she actually had no-one around, she'd... shatter. She's got to know that." Beeep. "Yeah. Oh, man, yeah, you're right - what have I done? Oh, and I've abandoned my whole Force to her! She's gonna... oh, man. I should go ba-"
Beep boop boop.
"That's..."Scorpia didn't know much about Adora, to be honest. She'd seemed pretty crazy, at least one of the times they'd met. Crazy people didn't need excuses to leave; Scorpia was sure of that."You weren't there. I mean, I wasn't there, but I saw the immediate aftermath, at least. Catra was distraught. And, now - she and Adora were such good friends. Soulmates - you can just tell. And if Adora had a good reason, Catra would have understood. It wouldn't have hurt her so much." Bip bip. It was far too cold out here. Scorpia wished she'd brought a bigger blanket. Emily was a reassuring warmth, though, even if her words were chilling. Bad friends don't understand. Scorpia still wasn't sure whether she'd even told Catra she was a bad friend. She'd been hoping it was some kind of horrible daydream."I'm too tired for this. 'Night, Em." First time out from under the Horde's roof, or at least a Horde tent. It wasn't as liberating as Scorpia had thought it would be - not now she was responsible for her own time. Sure, Force Captains could eat and sleep and work whenever they liked - within reason - but Scorpia'd just followed the officers' schedule, because it was easier. Only about five hours, and the vertigo of freedom was already giving Scorpia a headache. Or maybe it was from the little blinking lights that hung about the place. She was pretty sure she'd swallowed one by accident earlier. Two moons were visible overhead, one full and strong, the other a delicate crescent. They were obscured, on occasion, by the swaying branches of the trees, and tiny birds flying high up, and a light cover of clouds, wispy and grey with shadow, drifting lazily away.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
Scorpia was flickering in and out of existence. She smiled invitingly. "No, Scorpia. You don't understand. I have to be perfect. I have to be perfect. Hordak will kill me. He'll torture me to death. He'll dismember me. He'll break me in every possible way and then some. I have to be perfect. I have to be useful. You don't understand. You..." The reasons for Scorpia's failure to understand were lost in the void her absence left behind. And Adora was there, her hands soft, her voice high and pleading, reaching into the dark corner like a ray of light that scars the retinas."You'll always get found out when you lie. Just do what she says, and you'll be fine." Bloody idealist. It never worked. Adora's not here, anyway. It was all one big void, really. All-encompassing and all-gone. Catra woke up with a headache, which was unsurprising, given that she had fallen asleep with her head on her desk. For some reason, she looked over her shoulder, to the chair in the corner, where Scorpia wasn't. The lightswitch wasn't working. By the light of a sliver of moon, it was impossible to read, but Catra continued to sit at the desk, mind wandering.
[In case it wasn't obvious, 'adora' here is a model of young adora and the 'she' referenced is Shadow Weaver]
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Second door on the left - nope. Third door -"Adora! What are you doing? We're nearly back at Bright Moon." Adora looked up at Bow, and then buried her face in her hands. He sat down next to her against the wall, and nudged her shoulder."What are we... uh, studying our sword for, then?" It was set in front of her, perfectly polished, exactly horizontal to the wall. Adora sniffed."Entrapta said. She-Ra is the key to activating the Heart." "Yeah?", asked Bow, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I'm She-Ra." "... Yeah. You're the key to the planet, and that means you have the capability to stop the Heart, too."Bow pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and passed it to Adora. She wiped at her eyes with it, and then murmured, "No She-Ra, no key." "Oh, hey, whoa, nuh-uh."Bow grabbed the sword and pulled it well out of Adora's reach."We are not going to get self-sacrificial right now, okay? Things are looking pretty bad, but you have friends that love you. It doesn't matter what it means for the greater good or whatever - I'm not letting you do that. I am not losing you. Okay?" "It makes so much sense, though.", sobbed Adora. "I'm the only First One on Etheria, right? And She-Ra can only be a First One. I can break the cycle. I can do that." Bow hugged her tighter."No. You can't. There are so many people that rely on She-Ra for morale, or to save them, and there are so many people that care about you personally, Adora. You are loved." "Catra doesn't.", Adora mumbled into Bow's shoulder. "Catra hates me." "It hurts, doesn't it? Fighting with your cru- your old friend. But... I'm sure you'll make up. And, one day, she'll stop being so stubborn and self-serving and ruthless and lonely, and you'll be able to play and train together like when you were kids." Adora pulled away, and laughed tearily."You're talking about Glimmer, aren't you?" Bow sighed."I miss the old Best Friends Squad." "Mm. Yeah, me too."Adora settled back into the hug."Catra and Glimmer are kinda similar, aren't they?" "They are."Bow patted Adora on the back, and sat up properly, and cautiously handed the sword back to her."We've only got a couple minutes left." She turned it into a bracelet, and offered him his handkerchief back. He made a face."No, you, uh, you keep it. So. We ready to face Her Majesty again? No more self-destructive spiralling?" Adora looked at the floor."I think you might have to keep me in check."Then, she stood up, and started to head back to the control room, with him following."Thank you. For talking to me, there. You're a good friend, Bow. You'll make up with Glimmer." Bright Moon palace had appeared on the horizon. "Yeah, I hope so."
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I wake up to the sound of the silence that allows
“Your days were numbered the moment you crossed me.”His days were numbered the moment he depended on Entrapta. The moment that he was weak enough to need.
For my mind to run around with my ear up to the ground
“You can’t even begin to imagine the punishments Horde Prime will inflict upon you.”He’s not coming, though. Hordak’s not just dependent on his stupid little crystal – he’s depending you deserve to hurt on the fact that, any moment now, Daddy Prime’s going to walk through the door. Newsflash: people don’t do that.“You’re lying to yourself now.”
I’m searching to behold the stories that are told
“Why would Horde Prime care about you? You’re a defect. A mistake.”
you are broken
When my back is to the world that was smiling when I turned
“Haven’t you noticed? I’m running things here.”Last I checked, I was the most powerful one in the Horde – aside from Hordak. Well. One more to go. you are stronger“I didn’t need Entrapta. I didn’t need Adora, or Scorpia. And I don’t need you.”I am free.
Tell you you’re the greatest
I think you and I are going to do great things together.
That’s what I told him.I was wrong – I was always going to do better alone.
But once you turn, they hate us
It’s her. disrespectful She’s here and I need hate her.“You really are obsessed, aren’t you? Kitten.”It’s not her. It’s not her. My heart flips over. I can’t breathe.
Oh, the misery
“Your heart’s never been in it. Has it?”Their words are lances of pain through my head, and I try to cover my ears, but my arm’s not moving properly.“They didn’t trust you.” great things together
Everybody wants to be my enemy
“Didn’t need you.”
you need her
“Left you.”
Spare the sympathy
No. No, she’s not here, it’s not her.“You drive ‘em away, wildcat.”
Everybody wants to be my enemy
“Everything you’ve worked for will be destroyed.”It’s happened before. left you I can handle it. adora
Pray it away, I swear
“And scene.”Am I on the floor? When did I get on the floor? left you There’s just Hordak, breathing heavily, and me – am I breathing? I have to be, don’t I? Hard to tell. My vision’s blurring.
I’ll never be a saint, no way
“Light Hope. Please. Don’t do this.”I need her to hear me. I need her to hear me.
My enemy
Good. You are here. Now we can begin. After a thousand years, my programming will be fulfilled. The Heart of Etheria will be unleashed against our enemies.
“No, no, no, there is no ‘our’ anymore. Whatever war you were fighting is long over.”
We will rise again. You are a descendant of our mighty empire. That is why I used all my strength to reach across the entire universe to find you and bring you here.
Her strength?
Pray it away, I swear, I’ll never be a saint
“You told me Hordak was the one who brought me through the portal. You told me he stole me. But it was you all along. All of this is because of you.”
This is your intended function. You will bring us to glory. It is what you were born to do.
How many different things have I been born to do now?“No. No, I won’t.”
Look out for yourself
But I’m ready
The heart of Etheria has been activated. You will be the one to fire it. There is no stopping it now.
Your words up on the wall as you’re praying for my fall
They’ve been covering my skin, branded into it, for hours, but as my eyes skate over the words, I read them for the first time. Peace. Calm. Joy. Freedom. Hope.I can’t laugh at the irony through the burning pain in my whole body. It’s too much.
And the laughter in the halls and the names that I’ve been called
“You’ve lost.”you rea - disrespectful - lly are obse - insolent - ssed, aren’t you, k- you drive them aw - you deserve - left you - to hurt - ay, wil – adora - dcat.
kitten
“What are you waiting for? Do it.”
I stack it in my mind, and I’m waiting for the time
“It won’t work.”I want to believe, so desperately, that I’m right.“Mara hid us in Despondos so that you couldn’t hurt anyone else.”“Mara-“
Mara’s interference caused a significant delay. But no longer. With the planet balanced, portal capability is restored. Initiate planetary move, out of the dimension of Despondos.
When I show you what it’s like on the wrong end of the strike
“Adora was right.”Yeah, she tends to be. Has the Rebellion not picked up on that?“Light Hope used me. She activated the Heart.”I don’t know what the fuck she’s talking about, but this Heart sounds exactly like this ‘ancient superweapon’, so I take a gamble.“So? I thought you wanted to win. Use your weapon.”“I – can’t. It would destroy everything. I have to try and stop it.”Sparkles forces herself to her feet, and honestly I admire her determination, because there’s no point. We’re all going to die. always choose the winning side I follow her. I become acutely aware, in the space of about two seconds, that my rib’s doing the thing again, and my shoulder’s out, and probably you are broken my knee too, and I’m going to pass out in a defect, a mistake minute. But it doesn’t matter. I’m going to die left you anyway.
Tell you you’re the greatest
We’re going to do great things together.That’s what she said to me, so many times.She was wrong – I was never going to be great. I was going to be good.
But once you turn they hate us
Light Hope turns around. Her voice is cold and sharp.
The Heart is primed and ready. Commencing activation.
Oh, the misery
“Look at all these stars. These worlds. They will all be destroyed. Mara sacrificed her life to stop this from happening.”I almost see emotion in Light Hope’s eyes.“Mara. Mara would not want me to-“
Everybody wants to be my enemy
Mara was a traitor. She turned against her people.
Spare the sympathy
“Mara was your friend. She knew you were more than just a program and so do I! You can stop this.”Please. Please stop. Please. I can’t think of anything except that. I don’t even know what I’m saying.“I am not as strong as Mara. I cannot change my programming.”
This is our destiny.
“No. This is not my destiny.”
You will comply.
“No, no, no-“
Everybody wants to be my enemy
“I won’t be controlled.”I’ve spent my whole life being told what I want.“I am not a piece of their machine.”It’s my turn.“And I’m going to end this now.”
Pray it away, I swear
“No. Stop.”
Don’t.
“Do it.”“Do it.”
Don’t
Don’t
I’ll never be a saint, no way
“Do it.”
Pray it away, I swear, I’ll never be a saint
I don’t think it’s me that’s screaming. I need Adora. your heart’s never been in it. has it? Adora. left you“Adora? Thank you.”I could swear Light Hope smiles as she fades away. She looks... happy. “Lookin’ good, Hope!” “Good morning. I have not changed my appearance.” “Yeah.”Mara sighed.“I know.” “Would you like me to?” “No! No, please, no. You’re – you’re good.”After making sure that Light Hope wasn’t about to turn into some horrifying creature, Mara sat on a large, flat crystal, and propped her feet up on another. Light Hope attempted to emulate Mara’s compliment.“Your shoes are aesthetically pleasing.” “Oh, thanks! Ren got ‘em for me. We had such a good time, actually, yesterday, y’know, with Anatoly? We went to the market, and then swimming in the lake.” “The Creator should be in the Northern Reach.”, frowned Light Hope. “He’s on holiday. You can’t stay in one place your whole life, right? ‘Sides, I wouldn’t last two minutes up North!”Mara mimed a ‘brr’ noise. That meant ‘cold’, Light Hope knew. Mara was saying it would be too cold for her.“Oh – and I got something new for the castle.”She pulled a little pouch out of her pocket, and tipped out a few seeds from it onto her hand.“You seemed to like the flowers, so I was thinking you could try your hand at some proper gardening. I’ve got carrots, courgettes, beans, uhh… different colour carrots… plus some other stuff. They’re all mixed up in here, but hey. What’s the fun in keeping ‘em organised?”She tossed the pouch over to Light Hope. It fell on the floor, spilling half its contents. “I cannot interact with matter.” “Yeah. Sorry.”Mara was already kneeling down, sweeping the seeds back up. She wasn’t too careful, and a lot scattered all over the floor – but that was fine. The Crystal Castle had an automated cleaning system. “Your apology is forgiven. And, thank you for the gift.” Mara grinned at Light Hope, and wandered over to the planter-boxes in the wall. There was a system installed so that Light Hope could dispense water to the flowers. She forgot, a lot of the time, because Mara refused to put in a formal command for her to do it, but Mara visited often enough that none of the flowers had died yet. She scattered the seeds across an empty box, and brushed her fingers through the top layer of soil to mix it up, and then turned to Light Hope.“You wanna water them? That way it’ll be you that brought them to life.” “…Yes. I do want to water them.”A little pulse of energy down a wire, and the sprinkler system activated. Mara had installed it herself, and it wasn’t perfect – a fine spray of water ended up going sort-of everywhere when it was used – but it certainly worked. The seeds wouldn’t be perfect either: there was a mathematically optimal way to arrange them, which Mara had completely ignored. But their pseudo-randomness made the Crystal Castle feel livelier, perhaps. Life. What a nice concept. “You are a good friend, Mara.”, said Light Hope. Mara put her elbow on the edge of the planter-box and her head resting in her hand, and smiled.“Aww! You too, Hope.”
[one-sided marahope? why not]
“-ansmission, but I could not determine its source. Until I detected an ene-“ Am I? Am… where am I? It’s… light. Bright white. And – shit, shit, that hurts. There’s a loud noise that might be in my head or might be outside it. “-curious planet had appea-“ I shift in place, and my rib slips back where it’s meant you are broken to be, and I can breathe, at least, although the air is weirdly still and cold. “-ay retake my place by your side. I have bent its people to my will.” “To your will.” I’m leaning against something, aren’t I? Something familiar… rough metal. A wall. The voices are on the other side. One voice I can’t place, and one is Hordak. I think. He… I won, didn’t I? I was free. “-en yourself a name. There was even a time you wished I w-“ My vision fades again, and my heart skips a beat or three. I can’t get up. “-are an embarrassment. I desire only peace and order.” “Then – you’ll leave us alone?” Sparkles? She’s here? A warm burst of adrenaline drops through my chest, and the pain recedes, but the floor starts tilting toward me. Or away from me. “-wiped away. Beginning with you.” I force myself to my feet.“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
don’t you fucking dare fall over now
“You don’t want to destroy Etheria. The whole planet is some kind of ancient superweapon, a really big one. Sparkles here is a part of it. And if you want to learn how to use it, you need me.”Can he tell I’m lying? I don’t know shit about the Princesses’ heart thing. Hordak - where is he? - knows less. But Sparkles knows more. “A weapon? That explains these readings. They are stronger than anything I’ve seen.”He turns to us. I keep my face blank, and it’s actually an effort. It hasn’t been in years. Now that I can see again, Horde Prime – because this has to be Horde Prime, the way he’s speaking – is terrifying. Tall as Hordak, and wider, and his teeth show more because he’s smiling and not scowling, and there’re two extra eyes above and below his right one. He looks... serene.“Your majesty, what an honour to host a guest of your stature. Trust that your planet will become the jewel of my empire, and it will allow me to bring peace and order to the farthest reaches of the universe.” Sparkles looks at me, and I glance at her. I have the strange urge to grab her hand. Like Adora did, under the table or behind disrespectful her back, when Shadow Weaver was shouting. Prime’s not shouting, though – his voice is smooth and shiny. left you “Thank you for your allegiance, child.”He sits on a throne. Casually looking down at us.“All creatures, no matter how small, have a place in service of Horde Prime.”
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[The first speaker is Glimmer.]
"Tell me more about Adora in the Horde. She doesn't tell us about it. One time she said that's because it reminded her of you." "Oh."Silence passes for a moment before Catra gathers her wits again."She named me." "Really?" "Shadow Weaver called me Catherine. Adora got it wrong - she called me Catra. And then the others were calling me that, too, and it just stuck. Shadow Weaver called me Catherine until I was twelve, and then she just gave up. Guerilla war." "Aren't you scared I'm going to go and tell everyone your real name now?" Catra laughed humourlessly."We're not going back, Sparkles." "I know. Nice to have a bit of hope now and then, though." "...Whatever floats your boat." "Was Adora always called Adora, then?" "Yeah. And if she wasn't, neither of us know, 'cause I'm younger by about ten months, and she's stupid." "Did you ever do fun stuff, secretly? Midnight feasts?" "Food was rationed. No feasts. If you could stay up 'til one, though - and Adora never could - you could talk properly, that is, not whisper, until the electrics were back at half three." "Did you do anything fun?" "Training was fun sometimes. When it was free fighting, no instructions." "Of course you'd find fighting fun." "Bit rich." "What do you mean?" "They'll call you the War Queen. I've fought you, hand to hand, hundreds of times. Never seen you scared to hurt people." "I'm defending my kingdom from you. I have to fight. Scared isn't an option." "You were defending your kingdom from me. Now, you're failing to defend your kingdom against Big Brother Prime." "Oh, thanks a lot. That is comforting." "I try my best." Glimmer sighs and hits the back of her head against the impervious door."I want to go home."It sounds childish. "You asking me to drive you? I'll just go and get the keys." "Ha, ha. Some of us actually have people to miss, you know. I realise empathy is hard for you, but- Catra stands up violently and walks away. "Wait! Catra? I take it back. Catra, please, stay here!" Glimmer elbows the door and then, clutching her aching elbow with the other hand, kicks her chair across the cell. The chair's leg looks a little loose. Huh.
[I love writing conversations like this]
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[Entrapta]
"Inside the circle! Stay inside the circle!", Bow yells. I slide my toe back over the chalk line, and extend my hair slowly upwards."Ignoring the fact that you have actually drawn more of an irregular nonagon than a circle, how far in the Y di-" "Two metres! Two metres on the positive Y axis from the plane where the shape is!"He goes back to snipping all the new wires I've just soldered in. I step back and forth between my feet."But - but Boww! How're we going to get anything done without voice-controlled light systems? I don't have the free hands to adjust the brightness sometimes!" "I think", growls Bow, "you can deal. There is one thing we're out here to do, and that's rescue Glimmer. Got it?" "But the ship-" "Got it?!" "Got it. But, uh. Uhh."I sit cross-legged on the ground, and cross my arms."You're usually the more positive team member, Bow." He snips the last wire and my microphone module breaks into pieces on the floor. Then, he looks at it for a few seconds, and sinks down next to it, and tucks his face into his knees. Crying, I think, although there's a small possibility it's hysteric laughter. It's also unlikely at this point that he'll keep enforcing his chalk nonagon rule, so I scoot over to him on my bum and pat his head with my hair."There... there." "Sorry.", he chokes. "It's just... I want Glimmer back. I feel so bad for - I - I was right there, I was two seconds too late, I could have saved her, and now who knows what kind of - of - ugh. It's all my fault." "I want Glimmer back, too!"I smile at his knees, because his face is in that direction. He sniffs."I... she's been my best friend for years. Years and years."He sniffs again."I care about her so much. I think she's so awesome. Is that wrong? After the Heart of Etheria?" "Oh, uh... 'love is love'.", I knowledgeably quote. Hard to remember where I read that. Bow sighs, and leans back, and rubs at his eyes."I don't forgive her - not yet. But."He pats my knee."You're right, Entrapta - I love her."
[Catra]
Another dinner with Prime and the Queen. I'm keeping a tally on the side of my elbow - this one's number six. The first is already starting to scar over. There's no food on the table when Sparkles and I are walked in: Prime seems to think he's enough of a snack. (Ugly bastard.)"My children.", he says magnanimously. "I realise, you must be homesick, no? Tonight, you shall indulge in a delicacy from your Etheria."He gestures for us to sit down, and we do, but he stays standing. A few clones place a covered dish in front of both of us."I regret that I cannot dine with you. Unfortunately, I have a certain business which demands my attention. My brothers, as ever, will be more than willing to attend to your desires."He walks toward the door, stops just before it, and turns to look at us over his shoulder."Prime sees all. Prime knows all." "Glory be to Horde Prime.", echo the clones, and they follow him out. Sparkles and I make eye contact for just a second - I break it. She presses her lips together, and folds her hands on the table in front of her, and opens her mouth- "Oscar Bravo.", I mutter. There's a gleam of recognition in her expression, and she doesn't speak. Did Adora...? - never mind. We make eye contact again, for longer this time, and I tilt my head just barely at the dishes. She looks at hers for a moment, and then lifts the lid. A perfect red apple. Mine is the same. Have I ever tasted one of these? I've held them in my hand, of course; tossed them over to Adora, because I wouldn't eat from Shadow Weaver's hand. Smelled them, when the juice got on Adora's hands and made me sticky all over because she couldn't go two minutes without tackling me. Heard the crunch of the flesh. Sparkles is frowning uncomfortably at her plate. I can tell she's not going to be eating. She thinks there's something wrong. Do I care what she thinks? No. No, I don't. I grab my apple and bite into it. It tastes sweeter than I thought it would.
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[Catra.]
You will be of use to me yet.
They leave me in Glimmer's cell overnight. It's too warm in there. I can't sleep. I'm just imagining Etheria, all night. Adora and her Rebellion getting home, and then... it branches. One of the possibilities, the hopeful one, watches them win. The Fright Zone falls in that one, but... I don't care. The other one - the realistic one - sees them crushed. The image of Adora, broken and defeated, burrows into my mind to camp there, and I stare at it for hours. adora is dead. it's your fault No, she's not. At some point, I am given food, but I don't eat it. One of Prime's weird dinners made me feel sick for hours, and now I don't trust anything he serves. I'm a prisoner. Why am I not being fed trustworthy, bland rubbish? The words 'back in my day they knew how to make stale bread' cross my mind, and I almost laugh, but that's the sort of joke Scorpia used to make, and... I hope Scorpia's okay. Sitting on the floor (the broken chair having been removed), I feel the footsteps outside before I hear them. not adora's gait Though, why that was my first thought, I don't know. The door vanishes. "Little sister."It pauses. I must look an absolute sight. Three days without sleep, four days hardly eating anything. Not to mention there's bloodstains on the bed and clinging to the inside of my sleeves and socks, because you need control And Prime probably knew already. He probably gets off to the thought of it. Sick bastard. After taking all this in, the clone reorients itself."Little sister. Please join me for an excursion." I get up, leaning on the wall for a second before I can see again - should have eaten breakfast - and follow it, wordlessly. We arrive at the room with the green pool. shit I should have expected this. I should have expected anything - rather than wasting my time imagining what's happening at home. no. not home. etheria Horde Prime is standing there, that cold smile on his face."Ah, little sister. What a pleasure to have you join us today. You remember this room?" I nod. I can taste the adrenaline in my blood. "Then you know why you are here, and how this will work."He puts a hand on my back, and I choose the dignity of following along, stepping up to the edge of the pool. One of the clones standing by the door suddenly steps forward."Lord Prime." Prime and the clone make eye contact. Is it that they're telepathic? I find myself wishing I'd paid more attention to Entrapta's rambling. Prime raises an eyebrow - some of the most emotion I've seen him display."Do you require the use of a... 'bathing costume'?" I shake my head. I have less idea what that is than he probably does. I know nothing about the rest of Etheria. adora knows everything though With that out of the way, the clones around the walls start chanting. Prime nods at me. It's up to me to walk in, or be pushed. The green pool is a comfortable temperature. It's slightly thicker than water, hard to move through, but doesn't feel bad per se, although I'm not quite sure what I was expecting. It reaches right up to my chin, so that I have to lift my head to breathe. There are a few seconds of calm. I hear it before I feel it - the snap of electricity followed by burning pain that rips through my body. I am transported backwards, to dark rooms, shadowy corridors - no - they're not dark - I'm just focusing on the shadows so I don't have to look at the red light. Shadow Weaver's voice as she tortures me.
Disgusting child.
I don't expect anything from you, and still you disappoint me.
Silence
you don't deserve to have Adora for a friend.
half of the newborns died of 'flu. You should have joined them
speak up. don't mumble
you are unbelievably stupid
never cry. nobody will care for you if you let them think you are weak
Cast out the shadows-
I pull my head back above the surface and gasp for air. My mouth tastes horribly bitter. Prime offers me a hand as I step out, and I don't take it. I think he's a little surprised that I can stand up, maybe that I'm conscious: he clearly doesn't know that I've had years to practice. Years and years of walking off the pain, barely holding on, consoling myself with tiny scraps of information like, 'Prime, demonstrably, does not know all'. Because he can be surprised. I have that, now, at least. "Welcome to my empire, little sister." I don't respond. Probably couldn't un-grit my teeth if I tried. The surprise on his face becomes more obvious for a fleeting moment, before he is calm again. He gestures to one of the clones, who takes me back to Glimmer's cell. The chair has been replaced with a different, four-legged, one. The bed is clean. I lie down, and after a second, the thoughts return, weighing tonnes, pinning me down. I can't do that again. I just can't. My old plan-B comes back, singing to me, louder than ever. there's no one left in the entire universe that cares about you. there's nothing for you on Etheria. she doesn't care. she wouldn't care. she She made me promise. There's the doubt again. I hate that doubt most of the time - for stopping me from making an easy, clean decision - for stopping me from having made it years ago. At some point in the long, empty hours, I decide to make a last-ditch effort, some sort of Holy Mary, tomorrow morning, when they arrive with breakfast. Tomorrow morning. Until then, I have time to think. Now, I can choose between thinking about Shadow Weaver, or about the realistic idea of what's happening on Etheria. I pick the latter. It's my mind; maybe I can change its course. I can't. Adora dies again. and it's your fault
[In the set of quotes from Shadow Weaver, they start out as quotes/memories, and blend into the thoughts that have always interspersed Catra's perspective.]
[Catra does, in fact, have a ridiculous pain tolerance. That's not why Prime is surprised though.]
[FN: "before I can see again", + pain tolerance, + "adrenaline"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Horde Prime.]
Silence rang around the chamber. "Excuse my rudeness, little sister. I am deciding precisely what to do with you, after that... stunt." The air was still and cold. "Remind me how our latest experiment is running, little brother." "It has proved successful. A larger sample size is needed to meet the official requirements." Numbers darted across the screen: meaningless. "When will the incinerator next be run?" "Fourteen hours from now, my lord." The floor was hard and chill. Knee-bruising. "I know what use you will make for me, little sister.", declared Prime, beginning to descend upon Catra. Catra took one last, desperate, stab at seizing back her fate. do it. do it now She smiled at Prime."I'd like to see you try." The doubt played on her mind again, gave her pause for fractions of a second. But she finally rejected the doubt. She'd been lying to herself for years. adora won't miss you. no-one will
do it
Horde Prime sees all. Horde Prime saw that pause; and it confirmed his suspicions. He loved it when his dolls had emotions to play with. This one broke too easily, however; broke itself in a fascinating malfunction of the operating system. It would be, perhaps, 'kinder' to discard it, but a new operating system just so happened to be available. "Take your little sister; make her alive and make her anew." "Yes, Lord Prime." "And clean this floor. I hate that colour." "Of course, Lord Prime." Welcome to my empire, little sister.
No. Stop. Go away.
I think you might want to rephrase that, little sister.
I am honoured to join you, Lord Prime.
I am honoured to welcome you. We will, I am certain, achieve great things together.
[A note on the line "No. Stop. Go away." This appears to be addressed to Horde Prime, and indeed partially is. However, there is a second addressee: consider also that Catra now has access to the hivemind - and the tracking data for Darla, which isn't on a direct course for Etheria.]
[and I didn't want to note this in the chapter itself, because that would be spoilers, but Scars IV is just because I was wondering where Catra gets the green pool memory (Taking Control) from if I'm going to have her be dead while she gets chipped and then I came up with that chapter]
Tell me the walls are closing in
I saw her claws just catch at the skin of her neck before I processed what was happening.
It was not pretty. It was not meaningful – a waste of a good Force Captain. It was over in minutes, and Lord Prime kept us still the whole time.
Watching it slow to a trickle, then die.
Into the fire and born again
My brothers were called to make her anew.
I knew, before, of the experimentation – it was not conducted on a separate server. Lord Prime knows he can trust us to forget the screams of pain.
I knelt before him.
“Lord Prime. You know as well as I that I have nothing but hate for my former subordinate, that… creature. May I humbly request that she be disposed of, and not torment me further.”
Taste the pain and drink it in
Ah. I see. This conquest of yours has brought you… sentimentality.
Lord Prime stood.
I shall free you, little brother. Have no fear of the disallegiance that your emotion causes. You shall remain as loyal to me as the day I created you.
“Yes, my Lord. Thank you.”
And he freed me of my impurity.
I like it when the bite marks
She walks in now, and all is as it should be. She is risen: she is whole. She is pure.
We kneel as she passes. There is a brief flash of pain, but I see it no longer.
Behold, the newest among our ranks. Raised up by my hand from bloodshed and primitivity, our little sister represents the dawning of a new era. Our sights are set, brothers: on magic.
I like it when the bite marks cut through the skin
Magic. The word stirs something in me. It is wrong to have a name.
But the way she said it felt like home.
Who? A sentimental Etherian? I ought to avail myself of logic. I am, and will always be, the superior to that odd specimen.
But she did not betray me.
That imperfect being did not betray me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Catra. My Catra. There is such fear in your little mind, isn't there? And all of it pointless. You are afraid to be weak, yet you run from all that scares you, do you not?You are afraid to be weak, but you continue to fail. Over and over.You are afraid to be weak, but still you cling to the follies of what you call love.You are afraid to be weak, and yet you are so very broken. So very predictable. I have freed you. I will free you all. And you shall fear nothing.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
EXP-1655010/0000003
Entry 19.
Dictated by Lord Prime.
(Right. Two weeks. Excellent.)(You shall make me so proud, my child.)(Yes? Yes. Two million. No, cut the Lagu project. Ahem. Brother? Are you recording this?) My brothers; my people; today I bring before you hope. This is a creature of your own planet; your sister: I have brought her into my Light, and given her a peace she has never before known.Our dear sister lived in such pain. She bonded her heart to one other, called this petty sensation love, and, when it was ripped apart by the cruel hand of circumstance, crumbled to a glowing cinder, fit only to burn others. She truly believed herself to be worthless - she thought nothing of tearing herself to pieces.I have healed her.I have healed her, too, of the pain inherent to your species' natural tendency to brokenness: I have cut clean through that defective nervous system; she feels nothing of her fragile body. She is free.Would you not also like to be healed?Come. Join your little sister. There is no pain in the Light. (Damn it. No. No, don't send that one out. Have it - have it put on the creature's record.)(The experimental record.)(No, I shall have no interruptions unless my little sister sees fit to rebel.)
End entry.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer.]
We form an odd sort of square on the floor there, more of a triangle because Catra is propped against Adora. Bow is the one to break the ice. "So, uh, Catra. Welcome to the Great Rebellion. We normally have a recruitment process that doesn't involve nearly dying, but, uh..."The nervous smile slides off his face. He clears his throat."Considering the whole nearly dying thing, I think it might be a good idea to put you in the room closest to the med room." "If she's the queen, why are you calling the shots?", asks Catra, tilting her head at me but staring at Bow. Absolutely typical. I don't know why Adora bothered. I take a deep breath."It's a very flat team structure.", I reply calmly. "Didn't seem like that, when, the, uh... Double Trouble. Got into the Rebellion." Bow raises an eyebrow slightly. "Great Rebellion.", I correct. I really am trying to be polite. She's just making it so damn hard. "Moving on.", interjects Bow."That is to say, let's get moving. Catra, can you stand up, or...?" That makes the top ten sentences I never thought I'd hear. "Of course. I'm alive, aren't I?", she responds.Adora gets up, and I am briefly confused, before Adora offers her a hand, which she takes to pull herself up. A second passes by, where Catra seems missing from herself. "You good?", asks Adora. In lieu of a reply Catra collapses, and Adora deftly stops her from hitting the hard floor. Bow squeaks. Very carefully, and so confidently I'd daresay it's rehearsed, Adora picks up Catra and carries her out, Bow following. Given that Entrapta hasn't turned up yet, I man the console. The stars zipping by give me time to think.
['very flat team structure' is a doctor who reference (Whittaker) haha]
[The line "of course. I'm alive arent I?" - in the Horde, there is either 100% or dead. No in between. If you're injured i.e. unable to stand up, you're functionally dead because the Horde has no room for empathy.]
Adora sat on the floor, against the wall, for what was maybe nine minutes. Bow popped in every so often to make sure Catra was still alive. Adora thought it was a bit unnecessary. She could see Catra breathing, and that was as good-enough as it always had been. At some point Catra awoke, and sat up, and immediately fell back onto one elbow, the other hand going to the back of her neck. "Hi." Catra didn't jump. She took a deep breath and said, "Adora."It sounded as if she was about to say more, but she didn't. She let the atmosphere suspend itself. "You okay?" At that, Catra sat up properly, and made a cursory assessment."No limbs missing." Not that. Adora looked at the floor, because Catra was looking at her. She's got to know that's not what I mean. "Have I been here before?" "Mara's ship. The one we found in the Crimson Waste." "Oh. ...Wait, it-" "In space. The ship still works." Eyebrows raised, Catra looked around. It was the smallest bedroom, and undecorated. Small plain bed in the middle, pattern carved into the walls, door."You sure it's safe? Last time I was here it was falling apart." "Yeah, bands of thugs tend to make things fall apart." Will she apologise? It's my ship by inheritance. Those idiots practically destroyed the thing. "Do you have a washing machine?"She was fiddling with the silly little cape. Of course, she was still wearing a clone's white. "Yeah. It's in the main bathroom. I'll show you. I could also see if we have any spare clothes?" "...Okay." Catra looked into the mirror. It was still hard to reconcile the creature she now saw to herself. Short hair; face now maskless and vulnerable; free, for the first time ever, of a uniform. She thought about her Horde uniform. It was a good thing that barely below the surface, Prime was a little slapdash: he had chosen to plaster a veneer of himself over Catra rather than bother to figure out how to remove Etherian clothing. Except the mask - stolen - and the gloves and the sleeve, cut carelessly at the seam of the one shoulder - and good riddance too. Catra didn't want to see them in shreds. A reminder. She supposed, however, that it was the same subtle laziness that had cost her her hair. Prime chose never to stoop so low as to clean anything; better to trim it away and burn the evidence. Lest, perhaps, it be known that Prime's reign was anything less than bloodless. Her perfect skin didn't feel like her own. It looked like someone else's. Had it been a decade, already, since the first scars? Had it been four years since she put on the mask? And what to do with the white outfit generously donated by Prime? One could imagine that the technology woven into every fibre made it unimaginably useful, and unbelievably valuable. Entrapta would probably love to study it. Upon seeing the inside of the collar, however; rust-stained and ugly; Catra decided to keep it until it could be destroyed. At least the Etherian Horde uniforms were designed to be washable in all conditions.
[Horde Prime has incredibly futuristic healing technologies and removed all of catras scars which is obviously, like, a problem]
[Crazy how, the moment Adora rescues her, the second-person thoughts ("you deserve it" etc) reduce drastically in frequency]
[Adora.]
Catra was sitting cross-legged on the bed, presumably waiting for her clothes to be washed because she was dressed in only her underwear. Adora's eyes were drawn to Catra's stomach. There was something cold and unfamiliar about the way it looked now. Without looking up, Catra said, "Prime stole the scars. Don't go on about it." There were so many things Adora wanted to say. Half of them could be easily dismissed, the proof now erased. "I'll be back in a bit. To make sure you're alright. Try to get some rest.", she found herself offering instead. Cold and unfamiliar. There was no response, so Adora left.
[Catra]
I don't know if I trust myself to be alone. Please stay.
The door closed and it was silent again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Catra.]
"Is it rude of me to ask why you're always wearing that glove?" Glimmer looked over from her search of the sky - Etheria remaining stubbornly elusive - at Catra, who was sitting by the side of the window."Since when do you care about being rude?" "Your boy has a problem with it, apparently." Glimmer scowled at Bow."I can take care of myself." Bow went all red in the face. A moment of silence passed. "So what about the glove? Your majesty.", asked Catra, again. Glimmer removed it. The skin underneath was darker in patches, and shiny."Got burned in a raid when I was little. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to wear the glove - solidarity with my people, and stuff - except some of my arm, I can't feel, and some of it hurts to touch, so."She shrugged, and pulled the glove back on."The doctors tried their best. And Adora's healing can't do anything. It won't fix scars." "Adora's what?" Adora, who was in the empty space at the back of the room, practicing with a quarterstaff - the sort that the Cadets had trained with - looked up."I'm what?" "Your healing.", repeated Glimmer. "Am I? From what?" Glimmer rolled her eyes at Adora."No, the healing ability that you possess. From the big magic lady with the sword. You might have heard of her-" "Yeah, I get it. What about it?" "Catra wants to know about it, for some reason." Catra gave Glimmer a middle finger."Don't phrase it like that. I was just wondering." Glimmer bristled, but didn't interrupt Adora. "Oh, right. Yeah, I can, uh... heal people. And plants, I guess. And that would probably extend to animals if I'd tried. That's... about it. It, um..."Adora spun the long stick in her hand, absent-mindedly."... it doesn't work on scars. I don't know if... well, you... sorry." "Mm. Sparkles just told me." "... Sorry."Adora got back to swinging the weapon around. Bow smacked the console."Darn and heck!", he said loudly. "What?", asked Glimmer, wandering over to see what he was looking at. Catra, bored, went to leave the room. Adora gave her a questioning look. Where are you going? "Entrapta might be lonely."This was a lie. Catra was going to sit in a corner in the dark, cold storeroom. Everywhere else was a bit too bright. Adora nodded, smiling carefully. Did Adora remember what a lie sounded like? Catra couldn't read her expression, so it was unlikely.
[since i started uploading chapters here, i'm procrastinating the actual chapter titles until later. this has the dual effect of {a) my drafts are now really disorganised} and {b) the titles for the new ones i'm writing are things like "casta cameo", "how many scars now?", and my personal favourite, "? plumeria is a nudist commune"]
[eleven (counting up from -3), and yes, sort of]
[FN: the second half of the chapter]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dead planets were a hell of a lot of walking, it turned out. And, therefore - given there wasn't much else to do - a lot of talking. Catra: "You're so sensitive, Adora. People die all the time. It's what they're best at."Glimmer: "You're an optimist."Adora: "Well, but-"Catra: "Dying is literally the only skill you're born with. 'Cept for you, maybe, 'cause you're all magic and shit."Bow: "Don't swear, please."Catra: "Why not? Sparkles does."Glimmer: "I'm just special."simultaneously, Bow: "Well, that's different."Catra: "Fucking hell, get it over with and propose already."Adora: "Catra. Be nice."Catra: "I'm not 'nice'."Adora: "You could make an effort."Catra: "Nah." Adora: "I kept it, by the way."Catra: "That's stalker behaviour."Adora: "No, it's just -"Bow: "I still don't get what you're talking about."Adora: "At the Princess Prom. Catra wrote me a random note to throw me off the trail."Bow: "What'd it even say?"Adora: "Picture of her on the front, and 'hi Adora'. More of a pictogram, actually, not a picture."Catra: "Unbelievable. I'm an artist."Bow: "And you still have the note?"Adora: "Yeah...?"Bow: "That's so cute!"simultaneously, Glimmer: "Adora and Catra, sitting in a-"Catra: "Shut up." Glimmer: "How the hell does this place have magic, anyway? You said magic energy came from respiring creatures, and I'm not seeing many of them."Bow: "You missed a key detail - magical potential energy. It's a storage. It just sits around. There used to be a big population here creating the magical potential energy, and they all died, and there's been nothing - no population, no Prime - to exhaust it."Glimmer: "My teleport's not working, though. I've just got the basic, y'know, sparkles."Bow: "You don't have the Moonstone to channel the energy for you. In fact, you've probably only got your sparkles 'cause of your sorcery training. Learning to channel the energy yourself." Catra: “Sparkles is the baby, Bow’s the mum, Adora’s the dad, and I’m the gay cousin.”Glimmer: “Are you out of your mind? I’m so not the baby!”Bow: “Eh.”simultaneously, Catra: “You are.”
pause
Catra, clicking fingers: “Adora? Snap out of it. Stop thinking about boobies.”Adora: “I’m not thinking about boobies! I’m planning how we’re going to win this intergalactic war!”Catra: “Yeah, well, we’re saying that you’re the dad friend. No objections? Good.”Bow: “Can we please be rational and talk about the fact that we don’t know what form of magic Prime’s vulnerable to?”Catra: “Shut up, mum.” Bow: "I'd kind of like to see how Prime's tech works. It's just a shame that - wait! Don't you have that outfit, Catra? The, uhm, the clone one?"Catra: "Yes. And, no, you can't have it."Bow: "Why? Did you give it to Entrapta?"Catra: "No."Glimmer, cuttingly: "Planning on wearing it, then?"Catra: "No."Adora: "For what it's worth, I think green suits you."Bow: "I just want to have a look. Please? For science."Catra: "Shut the fuck up, or I'll burn it." Bow: "Do we have enough tents? Back in the Bright Moon camp."Adora: "Well... I... probably. They might've moved camp again. That's always a good idea. And maybe the Star Siblings have gone there or something? So..."Bow: "Because we've come back from this mission with another two new rebels."Catra: "I'll share with Adora."Bow: "We'll only have to think about sharing if there's not enough space."Catra: "Here's hoping."Adora: "Shut up!"Catra: "What? You've suddenly got a problem with, what, an eighteen-year-long arrangement?"Adora: "But..."Catra: "But what? You like me? That makes you the one making it weird."Adora: "No! 'Course I don't!"Glimmer: "Word of warning, Adora keeps a knife under her pillow."Catra: "Kinky."Adora: "That's not fair! You can't say I'm making it weird and then say... that!"Catra: "Say what?"Adora: "I hate you."Glimmer: "Aww, don't say that to your wif-"
Adora elbows Glimmer in the ribs.
11:54 PM Castaspella tries to smooth down her hair. Where'd she put her hair tie? Was it... had it ended up somewhere in the grass? Drat."We are not discussing this." Even through the mask she's just put back on, Shadow Weaver's smirk is tangible."No, of course not.", she mumbles, speech slurred by the wine she'd found somewhere. Who knew where? Casta didn't, certainly. "I will not hesitate to stop you, Weaver. This has changed nothing." "Ah, and I nor you, dear." Casta scowls at Shadow Weaver. She's not quite sure what she's doing. Shadow Weaver's already fully dressed, somehow. "Until next time?" "Never.", snaps Casta. "Hmm. Of course."Shadow Weaver melts into the darkness, leaving Casta to continue to wrestle with whatever her robes have gone and tangled themselves into.
[Just to clarify, my version of Shadow Weaver's only 4 years older than Casta. e.g. at the Spell of Obtainment, SW was 21, Casta was 17, and Micah was 15]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
I find her sitting on a fairly low branch in the tree nearest the camp entrance. "Hey, Catra?", I call. "Supper." She almost pretends not to notice me, but her eyes jump down for just a millisecond, and her ears pin back a tiny little bit. She doesn't stop petting Melog, who's lounging in her lap, the size of a house cat. "It's getting dark. You do know it's not safe, outside the camp? At least come in." One ear flicks at me. "It's getting kind-of tiring, having to manage you all the time, Catra. You're in the Rebellion now. You're welcome here. You have a place at our table."I sat the last part in quite a threatening tone, hoping she'll catch the subtext - stop endangering yourself and come eat. "I can manage myself.", she mutters, but doesn't move. Fine, then. She's still there when I get back, but now she's lying on her front along the branch, one arm and one leg dangling down, and Melog's gone. She's maybe asleep, so I click my tongue for her attention."Wow, you look real managed right there." "Fuck off, Princess. If I don't look dead I'm fine." "You look dead." She rips a twig off a nearby thin branch and throws it at me. I catch it."Gee, thanks. I've got a present for you, too." "Let me guess - the power of friendship and love." "Uh, no, more on the edible side of things."I start to climb the tree - it's the sort with close-spaced branches, and surely she knows I can climb it. Maybe that's why she picked it? Maybe that's wishful thinking. She does know I can climb it, because she doesn't startle when I pop into her view."Hey, Adora. Long time no see." "You saw me two minutes ago." She stares at me, and frowns."No, I didn't, Princess."Then she sits up, and shuffles further toward the thin end of the branch, and pats the space next to her."Room for two. Melog's hunting." I take off my rucksack, pull out the two sandwiches I nabbed, and offer her one."I'm having the exact same. You don't have to have it all, and if you want more, or something e-" "Don't treat me like a kid."She takes off the top slice of bread and starts picking at the multicoloured vegetables underneath. I bite into my own sandwich, and ask with my mouth full, "What'd'y mean 'no you hav'n' see'me for'long time'?" She looks at me, and then at the ground. It must be three metres down; I've seen Catra walk off a six-metre fall once, maybe four years ago, and she never limped although her ankles were horribly bruised. She nods at the camp entrance."Shadow Weaver's in there." "Yeah?" Then she looks back at me, and does the same scrutinising stare, and I still don't think she finds what she's looking for."Yeah."She closely inspects a fragment of lettuce."So. Place at the table." Oh, back to this?""Yeah, you're a part of our family now, Catra-" "No."She hands the sandwich back to me, picked-through but uneaten, braces her grip on the branch, and drops to the ground."You don't get it." "I-" "I'mma go find Melog. See you later? Adora?"She disappears into the growing shadows before I can reply.
[please enjoy this helpful and simplified diagram:
adora's view - Adora/She-Ra
catra's view - Adora / She-Ra]
By the time Catra finally gets back to camp, we're all gathered around the campfire, seeing if Perfuma's fruit'll roast as well as a marshmallow (Frosta and Bow's idea, and wholeheartedly supported by everyone but Netossa, who claims it's a fire hazard, and Shadow Weaver, who's disappeared with Casta). Catra sits next to me, with her chin resting on her knees like at the first dinner on Darla."Look, sorry I bailed on you just there." "Aww! Catra's saying sorry!", Bow coos from across the circle. Catra hisses."I was talking to Adora, asshole!" "Alright, alright, kids."Netossa gets up, and offers the fruit to Catra."Eat something already." Catra scowls at her, and picks an apple slice off the edge of the plate. She frowns slightly at it. Perfuma says, "That's called an appl-" "I know.", Catra snaps. "I'm not a kid."She bites into it, and raises the other half to Glimmer like a toast."Just as good as I remember. Hm, Sparkles?" Slightly distorted by the flickering hot air over the campfire, I can see Glimmer frown and look at the ground.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
"No, we need more information first.", says Casta, frowning at a diagram she's drawn. Netossa gives it a one-over."Yeah, recon mission."She glances at the board."We're all tied up tomorrow, though." "I'm free.", volunteers Shadow Weaver. Catra laughs."After 983?" "What", hisses Shadow Weaver, "did you just say?" "One and a half thousand on the southern coast. In a mission with a projected loss of zero." It seems that our meeting is ended. Everyone present is watching Shadow Weaver stride over to tower above Catra, trembling with rage. "Who told you this?" Catra shrugs nonchalantly."I read your file. I have to say, it is fascinating."A second passes."Penelope." Shadow Weaver raises a hand, and Catra flinches. My stomach drops all-too-familiarly. But then Catra catches Shadow Weaver's wrist mid-descent."Don't you dare, old woman.", she growls through gritted teeth. Shadow Weaver tugs her arm away, and after a moment, turns heel and strides out of the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The perspective is with Catra.]
It's like a slap in the face every time I remember that this dream isn't going to last forever. Selfishly, I wish that the war would go on just a bit longer, so I could have a moment longer with her in my life. The good guys aren't selfish though. I don't belong here.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Bow]
A bird's chirping somewhere. I focus on that for a few seconds - because it's not something you hear much out in space, or huddled up in camp - and then get back on-task. Not much of a task, really: breaking in a few new trick arrows, and getting some target practice in meanwhile. I have my eye on a tree with a couple knots on it at about head height. I could hit them both at once if I wanted to - and, being on good form this-morning, I've decided that I want to. Aim; pause to breathe; draw; fire. They hit exactly on-target. "Oi! Arrow-boy! I'm in this fucking tree! Are you trying to kill me?" I jog over, and look up, to where Catra's lounging on a tree branch with Melog."Uh. Sorry. Didn't see you. My bad." "Yeah, it is your bad. You owe me now.", she calls back, and I can't entirely tell if it's serious or not. "The Best Friends Squad doesn't really do 'owing'. Everyone gives and takes, and it balances out." I can sense Catra rolling her eyes, even if I can't see it. It's a certain energy that I've learned from years of Glimmer."I'm not in your stupid rainbowtits tree-hugger club." "You are, uh, quite literally hugging a tree. Right now.", I inform her. She drops down from the tree, leans against its trunk coolly, and eyes up the arrows now sticking out of it."We can settle the debt now, if you want."Quite ominously, she starts examining her claws. "... How?" Her eyes flick to my bow."I wanna have a go." Sighing with relief, I hold out the bow and a couple arrows to her."Sure. Be careful with it, yeah? D'you need instr-" "I can figure it out myself.", Catra snaps. Then, she starts experimenting with posture - imitating me, I realise proudly - and lines up to shoot at a big old tree a little ways away. Suddenly her ears swivel back and she wheels around, a couple seconds before I hear the whirr of one of Prime's drones. I try to catch Catra's eye, and silently tell her I'll get this one, but she's not looking at me. She's smirking. She holds up the bow to aim, and slightly unsteadily draws an arrow and looses it just as the drone comes into view below the tree-roof. It clips the drone's wing on one side, sending it spinning to the ground, where Catra races over and slams her foot down on it."Suck my dick, daddy Prime.", I hear her tell the dead drone. I decide to go with an altogether more decorous, "That was great! Have you ever used a bow before?" "Not properly."She shrugs."You learn pretty early on in the Horde, if you have a weapon, then you fucking well make it work."To illustrate the point, she hands back my bow, one unused arrow, and the one she shot - now splintered down the shaft, which really wasn't the intention for the morning, but, oh well. "I bet Entrapta would make you a bow of your own, if you asked." Catra starts to head back to camp, with Melog following."Eh. I don't like ranged weapons so much. See you later, uh -" she turns around, and looks at me, and then the ground, and then back at me - "friend."She makes a hasty retreat after that. "See ya!", I call after her, beaming.
[oh my gosh look I figured out how to add pictures]
[I drew this on a bit of scrap paper while I was meant to be paying attention]
[my entire art style is 3cm tall dolls with no faces, because I cannot draw faces. or hands. and I refuse to learn. anything that I cannot draw becomes a blank circle]
[it's not canon to this story, by the way, it's just a funny idea I had]
[instructions for putting in pictures (because I couldn't find any practical instructions anywhere I looked):
Post the image on your Tumblr blog. Right-click on it and select 'copy image link'. In the 'Rich Text' option for the 'Chapter Text' box for posting a new chapter on AO3, select the image icon. Paste the image link into the 'Source' box. Click 'Save'.
(I am certain that there are other or better ways to do this, but I am bad with technology and this seems simplest for me)]
[my Tumblr's enby_lydia, by the way, and, due to my method of image insertion, every picture I put in this story will also be there]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Go spin the wheel and see where it lands
I’m cold. The Rebellion’s fucking blankets are too thin. I’m wrapped in mine and Adora’s, and I’m still cold. Fuck her. Her blanket’s left you cold. That can be her fault now.I hate her. I hate them all and I hate her I hate left you her I hate her I hate her.Because why do I care that she’s killing herself over this fucking war? left you Why do I care? I shouldn’t care. I don’t care.Bow’s playing the guitar, so fuck him too. I want silence. left you
Join in the circus, stay for a dance, and
Bow’s playing the guitar. He’s absolutely focused on it – and it looks kind-of hard, because you’ve got to use both your hands at once for different things. I’m not too good at that. Guess that’s why I’ve just got the one sword, then.Is he so focused that he’s not noticing Glimmer leaning on his shoulder? Something’s playing out in the back of my mind, something where I’m, impossibly, the one with the guitar.Catra’s wearing Glimmer’s silly little smile. Catra never looks like that. She’s leaning on my shoulder, and then I stop playing the guitar and turn around to face her and –Maybe not. Maybe we don’t think about things like that. Maybe let’s focus on what’s happening right now, because I can’t be distracted.
Right when the war quiets down, you strike up the band
“You sure?”, asks Glimmer. “Fix that. That was a tritone.”She pokes at my fingers, and the bum chord gets worse – now it actually is a tritone.I roll my eyes at her.“Honestly, Glim, stick to the harpsichord. You’re a princess.”
Keep marching on, my friends
Melog turns back up. It’s killed a mouse. I dangle the thing by its tail.“You kill them? I picked up the wrong magic space cat, clearly.”Adora used to think it was funny when I found a mouse and played with it – she used to join in. Then Shadow Weaver told her it was sadistic. It wasn’t – I never hurt the mice. I mean, sure, they got scared for a bit, but who wasn’t?I wasn’t. I wasn’t scared. I’m not scared. I go liar. stop it. who do you think let the Princesses in to the camp entrance and chuck out the dead mouse. It would probably upset someone.
And do what you can
Catra’s doing something. Walking around, at least. She’s been claiming to be too tired to do anything since we got back from Arxia, but I know she’s just angry.I talked about it at length with Perfuma, and she called it separation anxiety, but I don’t really get why. I’m not leaving Catra, not by any stretch of the imagination.Netossa’s offering me something – a bread roll? Like Glimmer made back on Darla. I take it, and smile at her.“Thanks.”
Wait 'til your brothers and your sisters see where you’ve been
“The Failsafe is going to work.”, I whisper to Glimmer.“We’re gonna win the war.”, she replies.“Etheria’s going to be free, finally. The whole universe will be.”I hit a wrong note as she says, “No-one else is losing their mum. Not on the Rebellion’s watch.”
And if you loved the journey more than the end, go ahead
I catch Shadow Weaver’s eye. She’s drinking again. insolent child, you don’t deserShe tilts her head at me, not seeming to recognise me for a second, and then she beckons me over to the dark corner she’s lounging in.Melog growls. Its mane goes red and spiky. I should learn to control it better.I’ve learned to control myself. I can turn away from Shadow Weaver. clever girl I can ignore her.
Just turn that hourglass around and count to ten
What's Melog angry about? Is it me? No, don’t be stupid.Melog cuddled me. Like, multiple times. Melog’s responsive to Catra’s emotions and Catra’s emotions only – and it cuddled me. That’s got to mean something, right?Darn it, I’m letting myself get distracted again. Focus.I try to summon the sword, even just a bit, but it doesn’t work, because I’m calm. I need something to be passionate about. Well – that’ll be easy when it matters, I’m sure.
This ain't goodbye no more
I notice Catra and Melog just as they disappear back into the sleeping area.Adora really loves her. Adora’s good at that. She loves Glimmer and I, and she loves Etheria, and she loves the Rebellion and She-Ra. Whatever’s between Catra and Adora seems to supercede that, though.Couple days ago, when we were fighting another bunch of clones, there was a definite moment that Adora paused just to stare at Catra and bite her lip. It really wasn’t subtle.What is subtle is whether Catra reciprocates or not. She’s really closed-off. Adora can read her like a book, it seems, but I – the usually more emotionally-attuned one – can read her like a blank page.
Nah, it just began
I go back to the little blanket nest I’ve made. And then I decide to rearrange it – Adora’s blanket closer to me, and mine on the outside.Of course, if Adora shows up and asks for her blanket back that means she’ll end up with mine, but that’s fine.It’s warmer this way round, I think, so I pull the blankets over my head and close left you my eyes. Melog nudges at the outside of the shell I’ve made, but then gives up and nestles against me.I lean on it too. a defect No, I don’t. I move away from it.
March on, my friends
I’m tired. Bow’s guitar playing is having a soporific effect on the whole team, it seems, and Spinny and Netty get up to head off to bed.I should too, really, but I don’t want to take the extra blanket away from Catra. She gets cold too easily.Glimmer’s asleep, leaning against Bow – she looks happy. She looks warm enough.I think that gives me permission to stay here for a kip.
[the original title for this one was 'hold her hand for me']
Adora's brought Glimmer and Bow into a corner, where she knows they can't be heard, and sits them down to talk. She's picking at the corners of her fingernails."Uh. Since the... Failsafe."She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath."I know there's a chance I won't make it to the other side of the war." Glimmer stands up, crossing her arms, tears in her eyes, and grabs Bow's shoulder."No. No! We are not talking about that."She teleports away, but Bow moves himself just in time, so he stays. He settles back where he was, and smiles gently at Adora."I'm listening." "Since, uh, since Catra's with us now. The Rebellion, I mean, or the Best Friends Squad, or..." Adora glances over at the sleeping area and then back at Bow - "there's some stuff I have to tell you. In case I can't be there for her." Silently, Bow nods, and Adora knows he's paying attention. "When she gets scared, she hides; she'll come out when she's ready. Don't force it. If she won't eat, then give her a different option and leave her alone. And she's very touch-sensitive, so, just - just don't hug her, or anything. And, uhm, if she tries to hurt hers- hurt people - uh - the best thing to do is immobilise her claws. Get behind her and hold the backs of her hands until she's calm. You have to sort of interlace your fingers or she'll scratch her palms."Adora rests her head in her hands, thinking, for a moment."And don't let Shadow Weaver near her. Ever." After a minute waiting for Adora to continue, Bow scoots forwards and hugs her."It'll be okay.", he murmurs. "Whatever happens, we're all looking out for each other. Best-Friends-Squad-style." She sniffs."Yeah. Thanks, Bow. You're a really good friend."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
24.11.967. Applicant Penelope has shown significant promise in the first week of... ... ...
[I can't really be bothered to write 30 years of records. You get the picture. She was a good student, became a good(ish) teacher, Spell of Obtainment in 0981, ran away]
... ... 16.02.1002. It has come to the Guild's attention that Light Spinner was killed during the effort to defeat Horde Prime. The two eyewitnesses have described the event as both "sacrifice" and "a well-timed suicide". A temporary inbox labelled "Light Spinner Death" has been created for debate surrounding the topic. 02.03.1002. The funeral of Light Spinner, who at the time of her death used the name "Shadow Weaver", was held in Bright Moon earlier this day. It was a solemn event attended by few. Due to Light Spinner's mask having been demanded by the Guild for investigation and display, and the corrupted body not having been discovered, a daisy was buried in its place upon the request of the Queen. It is no doubt that the sorcerer's right to have been buried in Bright Moon soil will come under question (here, once again, I refer you to the "Light Spinner Death" inbox), however according to the King, who was also for some time her student, and claims to speak on behalf of all those that knew Light Spinner, "She felt at home neither in Mystacor nor the Fright Zone, but... well appreciated the hospitality of Bright Moon". 09.03.1002. Following a series of essays that have been produced, a new file under the name "Shadow Weaver" has been established to record all posthumous debate surrounding the figure.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
They were all here. Everyone, gathered in the Bright Moon ballroom. Wandering around. Talking. Lazy of Horde Prime - not destroying the buildings. Assuming that nature, and time, would take care of it for him. Catra was running through the thought over and over. Lazy. She fidgeted with the fastening at her shoulder, where the sleeve used to be. Etheria's nearly intact - nothing really destroyed except the Fright Zone. She tugged on a lock of hair behind her ear, over and over. Adora was talking animatedly to Perfuma, and Catra was skulking behind the former's shoulder, so no-one noticed. Adora noticed. As soon as Perfuma spotted Scorpia and ran off, Adora nudged Catra's hand. Catra stopped pulling her hair."We can go somewhere quieter.", Adora offered. "No. I'm fine."Catra spoke tersely. She wasn't sure where she stood with Adora. Whether it counted. I love you. There were too many people in here. Too loud - people were shouting, sobbing, squealing. Too visually chaotic - everyone walking around in whatever they were wearing at the end of the war. Too warm. Too much standing. The colour started to leach out of the room. There was a sharp headache and dizzying nausea. Too warm. "You're really pale."Adora was holding Catra's face, caring, looking concerned. Too much. Catra took a step back, dully grateful that there wasn't someone behind her."Sorry."She made her way toward the door, weaving between people. Etherians. No-one she knew, thankfully. As soon as she was walking, the room became cooler. The floor was pink again. The insistent ringing noise quietened. Her sluggish brain was once again able to produce the concept of guilt - she'd left Adora alone. Adora was social. Adora would be fine. By the door, Mermista, turning momentarily away from Sea Hawk (whose waist she had an arm possessively around), gave Catra a nasty look. Catra didn't care. It was crisply, mercifully cold outside under a late-afternoon sky. There were some people milling around outside, but not nearly as many as indoors. It was easy to find an unoccupied bench in a secluded spot to sit on. Catra pulled her feet up onto the bench, too, hugging her knees. And thought about the future. Adora was the unknown quantity. If Adora really did... want Catra, then it was easy to assume they'd live in Bright Moon together. They'd probably stay friends with Glimmer and Bow. Maybe... they'd be happy. It was more practical to plan contingencies, though. Relying on people being in your favour is a fool's game. Fright Zone gone - the Crimson Waste was an option. Too hot, though. Stifling. Perfuma seemed welcoming enough: Territory 3, or whatever it was actually called, was definitely on the table. Territory 4 was out. Mermista clearly held grudges. Perhaps it might be a good idea to read an Etherian-side map, though. The Horde wasn't too good on place names. If all else failed... Horde Prime wasn't there to stop her dying for a second time. That relied on Adora being completely out of the- "Hey, Catra?"Speak of the devil. Adora sat next to Catra, leaving a good two inches between them."Are you okay?" "Yeah. Fine." Several moments of silence were left. There was a childrens' game being played somewhere vaguely nearby - and judging from the timbres of voice, at least half the participants were adults. It sounded like fun. Adora was fidgeting, twisting her fingers together."Glimmer said you're welcome to stay at Bright Moon." "Oh." "But... Bright Moon's hosting a lot of guests. I'm pretty sure it's only Frosta, Mermista and Scorpia leaving today. So you'd-"Adora seemed to choke on the words. A strand of hair had come loose, framing her face. It reflected the golden light."You'd have to share my room. And I don't know if that's-"She stopped again. After waiting a second for Adora to continue, which she didn't, Catra said, "That sounds nice." Earlier today, they'd kissed. I love you. Now they sat in silence. By Catra's judgement, it would be about half an hour before the sun set on a free Etheria.
[A note on the line "Horde Prime wasn't there to stop her dying for a second time": Catra believes that Horde Prime prevented her from dying. Hordak, being one of Horde Prime's inner circle, had access to classified information in the hivemind, so technically he's the only living named character that knows that Catra did in fact die for a minute. He assumes that she does know, and doesn't tell her.]
[FN: presyncope moment]
Scorpia'd seen Catra heading outside. What she'd not seen was Catra having anything to eat. Back in the Horde, it had been a struggle to get Catra to eat properly. She was always too busy, and there was always someone she wanted to avoid in the dining hall. When Scorpia could, she had brought food to Catra's office. Catra was never much grateful for it, but Scorpia persisted, both in the name of friendship and because she might as well put in the extra effort if she was making Entrapta's meals all tiny anyway. Perfuma'd already gone upstairs to her guest room - she liked an early night to leave room for meditation, exercise, and tea in the morning. To her slight disappointment, Scorpia wouldn't be staying at Bright Moon: starting as soon as possible, it would be her job (alongside all of the Bright Moon palace guards save Juliet) to start to wrangle the Fright Zone into some sort of shape. She wasn't leaving for a good hour yet, though. Very carefully - she'd broken two lovely decorated plates earlier with her pincers - Scorpia filled a plate with things like miniature cheese sandwiches and little garlic-bread cubes and salad; much the same genre of food that Catra had seemed to prefer. It was nearly completely dark outside: the only lights in the gardens were the dim stars and whatever light spilled from the palace windows, and fireflies hovering over the various ponds. Scorpia rather enjoyed these gardens. She made a note to include plenty in the... Fright Zone? Scorpia-Land? Hordak Hate Club? The name was a work in progress. There was the silhouette of her wildcat - the ears, at least. Scorpia wasn't sure how much she liked the new, short hair. Not at all, in fact, she decided - it reminded her of Sea Hawk. She wasn't sure, either, how much she liked the other distinctive silhouette - Adora's - next to Catra's. Not just next to her, but squashed up, so that their shadows amalgamated. Scorpia's heart dropped. She had known that Catra hated her. She had known she had no chance. She had known that there was a special connection between her wildcat and Adora. It still hurt, though, to see Adora so blatantly invading Catra's precious personal space, and Catra leaning into it, 'happy ears' (as Scorpia had termed it) and all. But there was a job to be done, and if Scorpia didn't do it, then there was the practical matter of her either having to eat the plateful herself or face the guilt of throwing it away - and she'd already had rather too much cake, and ice cream, and three slices of a truly excellent tiffin. So, tiffin aside, she really had no choice. As Scorpia approached, one of Catra's happy ears swivelled in her direction, and the quiet murmur of conversation stopped. Scorpia thought it best to introduce herself at this juncture."Hi, Catra. Adora. Wasn't sure you had enough dinner, so..."Neither reached to accept the plate from Scorpia, so she left it awkwardly on the arm of the bench."Umm..."If there was a way she could silently tell Adora, without Catra knowing, the extent of the situation, Scorpia couldn't remember it. Too much time had passed. This was getting very awkward indeed."Ha- have a nice evening." She gave an odd little bow, smiling like someone facing a firing squad, and spun around to walk away at an unnaturally fast pace. Dangit. That couldn't have gone worse.
[Just to clarify: Catra doesn't have an eating disorder]
"This'll be your room, okay?"Entrapta felt no small measure of guilt for not showing Hordak around her lab, but... that felt very personal, for his first day there."There are robots if you need anything. Just ask. And... I'll send Emily to get you in the morning. To start work." Sitting cross-legged on her hair, spinning a bolt between her fingers, Entrapta stared at Hordak for a few seconds, waiting for him to speak. Move. Do anything. He didn't. "Well... night-night. Don't let the poison grass bite."Entrapta smiled at the rhyme. Whilst one of the least technological ones, the poison grass that grew around the Dryl castle and the tiny mining villages on its island was one of her favourite defences. She'd told Hordak about it on more than one occasion, in the very early morning, while working on some project or other. He didn't react. Finally giving up, Entrapta turned towards the door, which, sensing her intention, opened. "Wait."Hordak knelt before Entrapta, forehead close to the floor."Thank you for your hospitality." It was strange to be above him. Entrapta hopped down to sit on the floor with him. She patted him on the head."That's what friends do. It's called love." He sat up properly, and looked Entrapta in the face for barely a quarter of a second before sensing some invisible impropriety and bowing his head again."Thank you, friend." "... You are welcome."The words felt foreign in Entrapta's mouth. They were the technically correct response to a display of gratitude. But Entrapta hadn't been given much gratitude before. Hordak was back to not moving. Entrapta placed the bolt she had been fidgeting with in front of him - it was quite a pretty one, and she felt that he should have it. Then, she left him for the night. Hordak was here, technically, on a sentence. Plenty of people around the little temporary council table had been vocally in favour of killing him - the Queen, Mermista, and Frosta among them. Most remained silent when the issue of Hordak came up. Entrapta was joined only by Perfuma, Scorpia and, strangely, Catra in advocating for a lesser sentence. Both Perfuma and Scorpia talked at length about morals and the right to take lives. Catra gave a very short speech with no real point to it: there was the sense that she was skipping a lot of detail. Entrapta had been the one to actually suggest that Hordak could be her lab partner in the future. And so it was drawn up - a life sentence in the Dryl territory, completely at Entrapta's disposal. At Perfuma's insistence, there would be reviews every three months to make sure his living conditions were fair. This also applied to Wrong Hordak who, after having taken a shine to Entrapta, and enjoying Hordak's familiar presence, had insisted on going with them. He was already installed in an apartment near the kitchens, but had free run of the castle. Emily squeaked at Entrapta, and Entrapta chirped back happily. Dryl was exactly as she remembered - albeit a little dusty, and with some old Horde banners still flapping from the banisters and railings. Hordak had flinched at the sight of them, and Entrapta had added them to the list of what her cleaning robots disposed of."Night, Emily."
Beep boop.
Adora's room was almost exactly as she had left it, except that an extra bed had been added in the space between the waterfall and the wardrobe. Catra seemed nervous - breathing slowly. Trying to calm herself down. Her face was set in that rehearsedly bored stare. Staying close to her, Adora pointed out all the features of the room."My bed. Window - Swift Wind tends to use that as an entrance, but I can tell him not to. Waterfall, which is decorative. Um, and all the other sparkly things are also for decoration. I don't... I don't really understand. Anyway, that's y- the other bed, which you can use, or not, I don't mind, I mean, y'know, how back when... um. And then there's a wardrobe, bathroom, bookshelves." Melog ambled over to the new bed and stretched itself out luxuriously, purring. It grew in size, to take up all the space."Mau." Catra crossed her arms."No. This one's ours. Go ask Sparkles if you want one." "Mauu." "I don't care. And, go and get it yourself. You literally have no need to eat." It didn't move, but flicked its tail in annoyance. Adora couldn't help but giggle.
[Adora is very good at reading Catra. She is quite literally being calm and looking bored and Adora still knows she's nervous]
[Melog's lines, translated -
"Mau." - 'I like this room. Mine now.'
"Mauu." - 'But, my dear companion, I am seen as an extension of yourself. Would it present such a unified front if I were to have lodgings with any less grandeur? Indeed, it would be an insult, nay, an affront to your reputation were I seen to be in squalour. Now bring me food, for I languish in hunger.'
I think it's funny to imagine that Melog's read and understood all the philosophical and scientific literature available on Krytis, but, like the mice in A Hitchhiker's Guide, pretends to be stupid because it's an easier life.]
[Also, Melog is not a literal extension of Catra's mind. It's an autonomous creature that has a variable (either one can choose to close or open the channel) psychic link with her.]
[I can't remember whether I explained Adora's eyes in the preface? I'll explain them now. Adora's eye colour, after 1/1/1000, exists on a blue->grey scale. The more emotion (it doesn't matter which one) she feels, the bluer they are. Catra's favourite colour is the original neutral grey. This set of facts becomes mildly important later, so remember it because I don't want to confuse you]
[Bow.]
The clock ticked very, very, very loudly in the silence. It hadn't been wound up in a while, and read eleven-thirty AM. Bow didn't notice, though. He was sweating like a Plumerian in a slaughterhouse. "You mean to tell me this has been going on since just this morning?", asked the King, cynically. "Yes, sir.", replied Bow, while Glimmer made some noncommittal noise. Micah sighed."If I were a less trusting man, I'd use a truth spell on you. But, as it stands..."He uncrossed his legs and leaned over to Bow, with a stern expression on his face."If I hear a word against you, boy, you are out of my palace. Got it? You will treat my daughter with the utmost respect." Bow nodded fervently. Seeming satistfied, Micah sat up again and addressed the both of them."If you're going to court each other, you can either make it official, or keep it a better secret than you are right now - at least lock the door if you're going to be kissing." Bow somehow went a brighter shade of red than he already was. "Bear in mind, however, that as soon as the courtship is public, there will be calls for marriage. And... all that... that entails. Heirs."Micah, too, had gone all red, staring determinedly out of the window."I'm speaking from experience - dating... Angella... wasn't easy. Anyway, I'll leave it up to you to decide." He stood up, brushed down his robes, gave a sunny smile to his daughter and a curt glare to Bow, and left. Not, however, without adding, "And I'll have a word with your dads, young man." Bow smiled nervously at the closing door. As soon as it was shut, Glimmer started howling with laughter. It was unbelievable. Adora stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, absolutely no clothes on, hair still rather damp. What she'd just done is wash an intergalactic millenium-long war off her skin. She'd never face up to Prime again, never lead the Rebellion into battle, never wrestle Catra in the mud and the rain, never armour up and run drills for ten hours straight. She'd never spend another second of her life thinking Catra hated her because I love you, I love you, I love you, and she was nearly dancing with the memory. She was struck by the sudden urge to be near Catra again, so she quickly towelled off and pulled on her undies, and took a deep breath before going back into their room. Their room, their room, their room. Their bed, too, apparently, because Catra was already curled up on Adora's blanket, napping.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
"For the honou-"I'm interrupted by She-Ra - like she's excited to burst out of me. That's unusual. More times than not I've had to drag her kicking and screaming to the surface. I transform back into myself: I'm surprised, too, by how natural it feels. I was too distracted yesterday to notice how I didn't feel suddenly weak in my smaller body - just different. Experimentally, I put my hand up, and try just thinking the words.
Fo-
And I'm She-Ra again. Looking down at my hands, I can almost see the haze of the magic that I can feel drifting across my skin. I'm almost certain that, if I let it, it would be power. But I don't want power. In fact, I'm a little scared of the power, and decide to reference, for the first time in my life, Bow's numerous 'sword safety' lectures. I turn my back to Bright Moon, so that any erroneous rays of magic will go out over the lake rather than into the palace. Then, holding the sword out in front of me like it's a bomb, I think of something really safe for it to turn into. It becomes, without a whisper of effort, a blanket - bluish white in the middle, trimmed with gold, and - I realise - the exact same size as a standard-issue Horde blanket. Ooops. I turn it back into a sword, because that's less embarrassing, at least. I spot a slight rocky outcropping on the other side of the lake and, carefully, aim my sword at it, concentrating... "Hey, Princess." I scream and jump, dropping my sword into the grass."Catraaa! Don't distract me! If I get this wrong I will actually blow up the palace." She hops down from a fence, from which she's been watching me for I-don't-know-how-long."Playing with magic?" "Yeah... it's different since the Heart got released. Louder, or something. More." "Huh."She picks up my sword and runs a thumb along the blade."Pretty."She holds it out to me, and I take it, very carefully."Bow and the General and whoever are all waiting for you." Of course - we're heading up to take a look around the flagship. Whatever I did to it yesterday is making it drift out of orbit, so we've got to go quickly before it's inconveniently far away. The team is comprised of me and Bow leading - because we've been there before - and then Juliet, Spinny, Netossa, Perfuma, and a group of old hands from the Rebellion to join us. Catra and Glimmer both said they wanted to come along, but seemed relieved when I demanded they stay behind. "Am I late?" Catra makes a show of checking a watch she isn't wearing."Given they're waiting for you... yes?" "Oh, crap, sorry!", I yell, although they probably can't hear me if they're gathered where Darla's parked nearer to the Woods border. I turn back into myself, and head toward the door, but Catra catches me in a hug."Hey, Adora.", she whispers into my ear. "Be careful, OK?" I can feel her brushing her fingers through my ponytail."Of course." "Don't get lost. It's a maze in there. And always have someone else with you. And - and don't go in any water. And don't touch the electrics. And avoid small rooms. And-" "We've got maps. No-one's getting lost."I pull away from the hug, and see that there are tears gathering at the corners of her eyes."We're going to be fine. It's just a day trip. And then the flagship is gone forever." "Yeah. It's going to be fine. I love you."She gives me a quick kiss and lets me go. "I love you too." Bow's going to be really cross that I'm late.
[Catra still strongly distinguishes between Adora and She-Ra, to the point that she greets them separately by different names.]
[As I so eloquently summarised in my draft notes - "hair thing cat". Or: a motif that consistently appears between Catra and Adora is playing with each other's hair as a form of affection. Consider: cat behaviour]
The patch that Entrapta sent to Bow worked wonders on the clones. We still had to fight off a few, of course, to get to the server room, but once the hivemind was updated, the clones all just went back to their bays, harmless. We're still not sure if Entrapta's chip fix disconnected the flagship's internal system from the interplanetary systems - if it did, then we've just deactivated all the clones in the universe, but if it didn't, then they'll just have been cut off from their server. I'm not sure I like the implications of that, given how unstable Wrong Hordak was, but there's not much we can do about it. Anyway, that gave us free rein to wander around the ship. I'm in a team of four with Spinny as well as two Rebellion fighters, Smedley and Maxim. We're taking the third level, the one with the door to the throne room in it - the whole floor seems showy. So far we've seen a dining room with an absurdly long table and only three chairs, and five different lounges all with their own decoration styles, and a room all filled with beautiful glassware and bottles of very exotic-looking drinks. For reasons of poison, we decided not to touch anything in there. Now we step into a room, rather smaller than the others, and I suddenly lose my grip on She-Ra, my knees almost buckling. Spinny puts a calming hand on my shoulder, but I step away from her, up to the pedestal at the end of the room. I don't think the pedestal was designed for what's on it. It's comically large, and there are screw-holes in the surface that must have held the mount for something else, before it displayed Catra's mask. I reach out, and pick it up off its stand, half-expecting something to happen: nothing does. It's familiar and unfamiliar - I know its weight in my hand, but haven't felt it for years. The light catches on new scratches and scuffs. Catra was always so careful to polish those away. I pass it to my other hand - and, to my horror, any of my hand that was touching the inside of the jaw bracket comes away dusted with reddish brown. My mind is reeling and my stomach is turning somersaults, so I sit against the pedestal, hugging the mask to my chest, sobbing now, I realise. I can see Smedley fiddling with a little mechanical gadget, and Max is appraising a rack of pink staffs, one of which seems to be missing. Spinny sits down with me."Is that Catra's face thing?" I nod, and wipe away my tears. Spinny's eyebrows shoot up, and I think I've probably now got red traces on my face. It couldn't be anyone else's. Glimmer would have mentioned a fight, and I'm pretty sure clones don't bleed."Sorry.", I mumble, rubbing at my face more now, still crying."Sorry." She smiles warmly."You don't need to be sorry. Do you... would you be OK to continue with the mission? Or we could go back to Mara's ship. The others can pick up the rest of the third floor, no problem." "Yeah. Darla."Spinny looks confused."That's the ship's name." "Ah, right." I let her lead me back to Darla - Max and Smedley join up with a couple of other Rebels and they head off to the left wing. Spinny takes me into one of the bedrooms - picked at random, I think, because this one was Bow's when we were out in space. I sit on the bed in the corner, and Spinny takes the mask out of my hands, holding it gingerly like it's going to attack her."Shall I give this a wash?" "No."I think I should leave it up to Catra. It's her mask. It's her memories. And I don't know exactly what Prime did to her - maybe this'll make her explain. "Ehh... okay."From the chest of drawers she grabs a towel, and wraps the mask in that."You should clean up, though." Yes. Yes, I should. Dust all over my hands, smudged into paint. There's a slight red-brown impression on my jacket, too, from where I held it. It reminds me too much of the Failsafe.
[Referenced: the dining room where Prime showed them the videos; the trophy room; the pedestal whose sphere was smashed; the staff that Glimmer stole.]
["I don't know exactly what Prime did" - Adora's acting all annoyed like Catra's telling her nothing. Read between the lines Adora what do you think "don't go in the water" and "don't touch the electrics" mean huh? And Catra's a good liar; she speaks very intentionally - she's dropping these hints on purpose.]
"... Hey." "Adora? You alright? What's that? What happened?"Catra drops whatever she was doing - board game with Glimmer, it looks like - and runs over to me. "Yeah, what happened?", asks Glimmer. "This was supposed to be a simple mission." Catra pulls at the cuff of my sleeve - just slightly stained. Horde uniforms wash up well, sure, but Catra stopped wearing white t-shirts for a reason."What's this? Are you hurt?" "Um-"Before I can say anything else, I break down into tears, practically collapsing into Catra's arms, dropping the mask, still covered in its towel, beside me. She hugs me slightly awkwardly, and I put a hand on her back behind her heart, needing to feel it beating, needing to know she's alive. "Holy shit. Catra, it's your-" "No, don't-" "- mask!" "- touch it..."I trail off into silence. Glimmer looks surprised at the idea that she can't just grab stuff. I can feel the slight pattern of Catra's claws on my back as we both stare at Glimmer, who's still holding the mask. I gather all the calm I have left, wiping my face yet again."Just put it down, Glimmer." "Agh, you're right, the paint's coming off.", she says, but Catra snatches it from her and storms off. Two seconds later, Bow, having done the paperwork (or, most likely, delegated to Juliet), turns up."Am I going crazy or was that Catra's Force Captain mask? She looked really mad, anyway."
[Catra]
11:52 PM "Please. Stay." She doesn't move. I press a hand into her chest, and I can hardly feel her heart beating. I don't think she's breathing at all. The Failsafe flickers out. Something snaps behind me, and "Don't you get it? I love you! I alw..."My voice trails off. Shadow Weaver's standing in the corridor. She smiles at me - at me. She holds out her hand to me. So I leave Adora there on the floor - the Failsafe will still work; she said it herself. Shadow Weaver reaches out to caress my face, but something snaps behind me, and "You've never given up on anything in your life. Not even on me."
liar, she did, you know she did
she walked away
she didn't care that you were killing yourself
broken
stop lying to y
left you
she's giving up on you now
do it. give up on her
I'm tired. I just hold her close, trying not to exist, and she gets further and further away from me, until something snaps behind me, and "I'm ready.", she murmurs. She's killing herself. Isn't she? There's the click of a switch in my mind, and I have to get out of here. I have to close my eyes and cover my ears and curl up and scream. And pretend I don't notice Adora watching me leave. And go to the room that Shadow Weaver died in, and hold her mask against my chest like that'll bring her back. I want her back. Something in the Heart chamber snaps, and there's a long pause, and Adora is dead I know she's dead and the stone that's falling, the ceiling that's crumbling, it's me and it's Adora and it's dead and Shadow Weaver creates a barrier in the entrance to the corridor, sealing herself and Adora off from where I am, and I'm ripping at the monster with reckless abandon because I don't care. I know, somewhere in the distance, that it's too reckless, but I don't care. Something snaps behind me and I take a second to register that it was me that made the noise, and that I can't feel anything, and that the Light is in my head again, and all I can do is watch Adora walking away and getting dimmer and "-y, hey, hey, it's okay, it's alright, I'm here. Breathe. It's okay." I shove myself away from her, shaking. She moves back a little too."Do you remember what it was about?" "What what was about?"My voice comes out wrong. Far-away. "Your nightmare." I fiddle with the corner of Adora's blanket."No. I forgot."I think 'forgot' is the wrong word for it. It's blurring, like a bad memory, and soon enough it'll stop existing at all, just like the entirety of seventh year. And a mouse called Tiro? but he never existed "Hey, when I had nightmares, I went and slept over with Glimmer and Bow.", Adora says quietly. "Well, I mean, Bow wasn't there all the time, but he was a lot. And Glimmer doesn't sleep until, like, two in the morning, not since she became queen. But we could go sleep over now, if you want, if you're used to being around other people 'cause of the camp?" "Uhm."Is my voice nearer to me? It still sounds wrong. Emotional."Yeah, uh, we could, maybe. Do that." Adora moves forward a bit, and, when I don't recoil, hugs me. I hold her tight. I'm never letting go.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"D'you always wake up like that?" "Like what?", Catra murmured, shoving several pillows off herself and onto Adora's still-sleeping face. The Best Friends Squad had a decidedly squishy interpretation of sleepovers. "Like this."Glimmer licked her thumb and drew it over her eyelid, imitating what Catra'd habitually done a second ago. Catra shrugged."Dry eyes. I dunno." "Hm."Glimmer teleported to the other side of the room, filled a glass with water at her washstand, and gave it to Catra. "Hey, uh, thanks, Sparkles."Perfuma had been encouraging Catra to practise her thank-yous before the whole Heart thing went down. It wasn't nearly as bad as it was back in the Horde, when you really had to watch your step - every kind gesture caused a debt. "No prob, Horde scum."Glimmer picked up a pillow, then, and hit Bow in the head with it."Wake up, idiot! Scones for breakfast!" "Ooh, scones?", threw in Adora, suddenly seeming very awake.
[FN: "dry eyes"]
[as I maintain, /skↄnz/. Not /skəʊnz/.]
"She sacrificed her life for mine.", argued Glimmer. Micah wasn't listening. He was fuming."She killed my wife. She killed my wife. I am not having this - this murderer in my palace." "I don't care."The air around Glimmer was slightly hazy with magic. "You told me yourself - she killed Angella in cold blood. And you might think she's changed - that's all very well, but this is my palace we're in. I'm never going to extend hospitality to a murderer." Glimmer stamped her foot on the floor."I'm a murderer, too! You think I got out of leading a war without blood on my hands? So many people have died because of my decisions - people with partners, children, parents, friends. Are you going to kick me out of my palace?" Micah seemed slightly stunned. There were tears falling down his face to match Glimmer's. Glimmer took the opportunity and launched a second attack."And that's right - it's my palace. Not yours. I am the princess. I am the heir. I was crowned queen. And when I was, you lost your claim to the throne. Do you think you're the one that decides who gets hospitality or not? The previous queen's widower and an accomplice to an attempted coup? Really?" "I was fourteen years old-" "And I was fourteen, making life-or-death decisions as a commander! I was twelve, having my arm permanently scarred in a raid." Micah gathered himself."This has nothing to do with the... the murderer in our home. Please. Angella - she wouldn't want-" "You shut your fucking mouth. It's been sixteen years. You don't get to say what Mum would want. You don't get to make me feel guilty for forgiving my friend. And you don't contradict your queen. Catra stays. And if you don't like it, you can fucking well leave." Glimmer teleported out of the room, leaving Micah to collapse onto an armchair and sob. At some point, Juliet - sent by Bow, who'd heard a detailed account of the argument - arrived, and asked Micah if he needed anything."Angella.", he'd said. "I would give anything for just another second with her." Juliet brought him a cup of tea.
[Adora.]
Bow was lying on the roof, alone, when Catra and Adora climbed up there. He was staring at the stars. The other two joined in. Adora didn't see any of the First Ones' constellations. Maybe it was a bad day to see them; or, the sky had moved on since the words were drawn; or, they were just hard to spot in the cosmic immensity of it all. It was like looking into the jaws of Chaos: all sense of perception was lost as these pinpricks of light became vibrant, living galaxies, spilling out wonder and spelling out something uncomfortably vast that could not and would not be put to paper. "Weird, still, isn't it.", said Bow. "Yeah. Pretty, though.", replied Adora, looking over at Catra.The stars were reflecting, luminous, in her eyes. Glimmer appeared with a picnic basket, in which were four delicate glasses of the sort that Adora had seen at Princess Prom (rather space-inefficient for storage, not to mention confusing (why have a stem if not for the holding?), thought she), and a bottle. Catra, evidently, wasn't as transfixed by the stars as Adora had thought she was."I don't want anything to drink.", she said, firmly. Almost defensively. "C'mon.", replied Glimmer. "Loosen up! We all missed out on our teenage years. Let's have fun now, at least." "Aren't you, like, fifteen? Bit young for alcohol, no?", asked Catra. Glimmer pouted."I'm nineteen, and I go to royal parties. It's polite to accept a drink. Although I guess you don't know much about formal events." Back to the familiar bickering, and the tension eases."I have one party without you invited and you're still angry." "My main problem is you kidnapped Adora in the process." "You know I can't resist an opportunity to tie Adora up." "Ew! You can't just say that!"Glimmer directed a quick spell at Catra, who ducked. "What, you need proof?" "No, I - you're the actual worst." "You don't know the half of it."By this point Glimmer and Catra were both very close to throwing the other off the roof - all in jest, of course."I promise, Glimmer, everything I'm saying is your fault. You keep walking into -" "You need to get your head out of the gutter -" Bow and Adora, sensibly, were ignoring the whole thing, as they always did. Adora tasted some wine."Ugh, that's horrible." Bow shrugged."I never really got the point either. For a couple of months I joined a wine tasting club in Alwyn, but I kind of got kicked out. There's a skill required that I don't have, apparently."He laughed."I didn't like it anyway. All old people. Although, Glimmer says I talk like an old person. Do you say the Veret Sea, or the Versey?" "Uhhh... I don't know. Perfuma called it the Verlach, so... I kind of gave up on place names pretty early on. But in the Horde it was 'the water due east', so... I don't know." "Huh."Bow was watching the sky again."They're all going to have names, aren't they? The stars and the planets. My dads will likely want to document them all. What a bore." "You really find them boring?", asked Adora. "Yeah, don't you?" "Well, I don't know. I haven't tried history, really, or language. Bit busy. It seems interesting, though." "Huh. I'll talk to my dads."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Catra poked at the stuff on her plate."What is this?" "Scrambled eggs.", replied Bow. "It's a pretty common breakfast food. It's made by whisking eggs with milk, and cooking that with butter over low heat." While Catra tentatively tasted it, Adora grinned."It's exactly your sort of thing, Catra."She'd already polished off her own. Catra made a face."No, I don't like it. It's like the brown bars." "It's nothing like the brown ones.", frowned Adora. "Tastes more like the grey, actually." Catra shrugged and picked up her glass of water. Glimmer suddenly jumped up, a slightly manic look on her face, and teleported away. The other three looked curiously at the cloud of sparkles - Glimmer tended to at least briefly explain herself before disappearing. Then, Adora caught sight of Catra's face."What are you blushing for? Do I look stupid?"She started to fiddle with the few stubborn strands of hair that were sticking out of her ponytail. "I'm not blushing. Don't be an idiot."Catra felt her cheek, and then drank some more water. "Is it 'cause you like me?", asked Adora teasingly. "I'm not that dumb." Bow crossed his arms."Be nice to each other." Catra gave him a look."I'm not nice. I'm mean."There was now a fairly prominent pinkish-red hue to her. She ran her fingers across the bridge of her nose and her cheek."Is anyone else's face really warm?" Adora shrugged. Bow was starting to give Catra a more critical look."Have you got any allergies?" "Any what?" "All-er-gies. Intolerance. Sensitivity?", he tried. "I'm intolerant and insensitive, if that helps."To accentuate the point, Catra flipped a middle finger at Bow. Bow sighed."Do you ever feel the same way as this when you eat a specific food?" "Yeah, I just said. The brown ration bars. I don't like them." "I think what you mean is you're allergic. You should just avoid everything that makes you feel like that, basically."Bow glanced at Catra's plate."Like eggs. Don't eat those." Catra smirked."Perfuma told me to stop being avoidant, though~." Bow gave her an irritated stare. Adora quietly moved the plate of eggs away from Catra. Suddenly, Glimmer appeared, holding a small cardboard box."You ever tried grapes, Catra? They're my absolute favourite fruit." "Yeah, no, had enough of trying stuff for the day."
[headcanon: like humans and Etherians, Catra is an omnivore, but she has the same taste receptors as a cat so she has a strong preference for meat etc and genuinely doesn't understand why people enjoy sweet foods]
General Juliet leaned against the wall. It had been the same for the last several days. The festal mood of Bright Moon left the necessity for defence wanting - and Juliet herself bored beyond belief. One of the new guests walked past - another former war criminal that the Queen, seemingly, had simply taken to. Ah, well. Juliet's was not to question the Queen's strange choices. So, to distract herself from doing exactly that, Juliet smiled at the guest. It was mightily uncharacteristic of her. Juliet wasn't surprised that the guest did not reciprocate - she wasn't even sure if she had smiled. Perhaps it had turned out as a grimace. The guest continued walking quickly along, staring at the ground, one hand trailing along the wall. The Queen certainly kept odd company.
[FN: "one hand trailing along the wall"]
[The first speaker is Adora.]
"- if Catra hadn't been there, though, I would definitely be dead." "That's literally the same as you just said with the words mixed up."Glimmer ate another couple of grapes."What actually exactly happened?" Adora's face went slightly pink."Well, I was, like, half dead, so I don't really remember. Um, maybe Catra does." "I don't think you've ever more blatantly thrown me under a bus."Adora's face turned pinker. Catra folded her arms."Screw it. I kissed her." Bow squealed. Glimmer giggled."No one's surprised - apart from this village idiot. Have you seen the way you two act? 'Specially the thing with the, um... mask."She trailed off, realising it wasn't a great idea to mention."But, uh... anyway, can I put it in the public address?" "No!", shouted both Adora and Catra. "C'mon.", said Glimmer. " 'She-Ra saves world and the cat doesn't even try to stop her; it's a miracle' - great title." Catra stuck her middle finger up at the queen. Adora seemed to be panicking slightly."On a serious note, though, Glimmer, actually don't mention it, because I don't even know if... how the others would react. Lonnie and, y'know. And the Princess Alliance." "Good plan.", said Bow, while Glimmer said, "You hopeless romantic. There's no one on the planet that doesn't ship you. It'll be fine." "Yeah, but still.", said Adora, nervously. "Maybe mention it at a later point. One that's not now." "Fiiiine.", replied Glimmer. Adora was trying to catch Catra's eye. Catra was avoiding it. "More snacks?", offered Bow to the silent room.
[Fun fact, this one was actually the first scene I wrote down way back in April. It's pretty different to how it started out, except for the beginning line, the ending line, Glimmer eating grapes, and Adora throwing Catra under the bus]
[Catra]
I'm still not quite used to sleeping in Adora's bed again - especially not next to her, under the blanket. Adora may have been given a lot of liberties, but that was never allowed. I was kept as the pet. What's even more unusual is our bedtime routine. For the past couple nights, we've just been left alone, undisturbed, in our room from about eleven PM. Apparently this is normal. Apparently it's also normal to shower in hot water, but I don't like it much. Adora does, though, and she'll take forty-five minutes in the bathroom - she's doing so now, in fact - and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. If there wasn't any work to be doing, back in the Horde, I'd usually be asleep. But if I was asleep, Adora would be too, and she's in the shower right now. But if Adora was in the shower, I would be too, and that, apparently, is not normal. Unless - Bow had giggled - you were canoodling. Whatever that is. Adora's got an awful lot of books stacked in one cupboard, mostly stamped with Property of Bright Moon Library in the front cover, but some have Please return to the Historians' Corner by the following date:, and then a date from sometime last year. The Historians' Corner ones are all nonfiction, boring stuff like First Ones and magic and aqueducts. There's also some nonfiction in the Bright Moon books, but then there's fiction: eight-hundred-page long fantasy novels, by the looks of it. Interesting. I flip one open to a random page and immediately slam it shut, my face going pink. It's a fantasy romance novel, and a passionate one. Adora's got a strong stomach, I'll credit her that. "Hey, Catra." I jump. Adora's leaning in the bathroom doorframe, grinning. She thinks it's so funny to catch me off-guard. I raise an eyebrow at her."You spend more time washing than Melog and I combined. Remind me who's the cat here?" She goes to sit cross-legged on the bed, and I join her, so close that I've hardly got the plausible deniability to say I'm not sitting on her lap. I don't think either of us mind, though. This seems like a good juncture to start kissing. But Adora doesn't seem like she's about to start kissing me, and I'm still slightly disturbed by the scene I just accidentally read, so I pick up her hand, instead, and she lets it go limp and just watches. I try to bend the third joints of the fingers back, but they don't move like mine. That's got to be irritating for her. In fact, it's annoying me, too, so I move from her hand to her arm. Where the green lines were, there are still faintly bruised traces under the skin - that's what it looks like when She-Ra heals injuries quickly, Adora said; it fades in about a week. I run my palm over her inner wrist. There's still a lot of my skin I won't touch, just in case. It's different if it's Adora, though, right? I angle the way I'm holding her arm so her finger just about brushes the spot where my pulse is. And you gave in, didn't you, you gave him what you wanted, you gave them all what they wanted, you promised you wouldn't give up, you failed at that then I drop her arm and blink the flashing lights out of my vision. Bad idea. Shouldn't have done that. I put a hand over the scar on the back of my neck, because it's over. I am mine. I am alive. Adora looks worried."Did I do something wrong?" "No. No."I smile at her."Sorry. It's just, I'm not used to... everything. Definitely not used to this."I lean closer and briefly kiss her. The anxiety slides off her face, and she puts one hand around my waist and the other running through my hair."Me neither. I like it, though." "Mm. I like it too."
[FN: "bend the third joints of the fingers back... like mine"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The perspective is with Adora.]
"God, Adora, you're heartless. Four days? She's a vulnerable old woman!" Adora shoved Swift Wind." 'God' isn't a word." "So is." "Yeah, it actually is.", said Catra. "It's a hero that the spiritualists in the Crimson Waste worship." Swifty glared at Catra."Hate to say it but the grimalkin's right. For once." Catra glared at Swift Wind, and made a rude gesture at him. He snorted. "Y'know all of my hooves are technically middle fingers? So-" Melog hissed at him. It really wasn't hard to tell why Catra had declined the invitation to visit Madame Razz: for all the pleading and apples and sugar cubes Adora could give, Swifty refused to be civil to her, and as a matter of course, Catra stopped trying to be civil to him. "Let's go before you two start another war.", Adora muttered, hopping up onto Swifty's back."See you later, then, Catra?" "See you."Catra had said she was going to teach Glimmer and Bow some of the card games that the Force Captains used to play - although developed for the gambling of money, food, and contraband, they turned out to be fun between friends. Out of Catra's presence, Swifty seemed more relaxed. Still his usual cocky self, though."You'd better be grateful that I've been visiting her - at least once a week since the big guy showed up. She's doing pretty well, by her standards." "Yeah, thanks." "What do you mean, 'thanks'? You got a problem with making sure she's not dead?" "I've got a problem with how you're treating my girlfriend." "Yeah, you've told me." "Just be nice! It's not hard!" "Fine. I'll go do that right now."He banked left, taking a scarily sharp hairpin turn back towards the palace, which was now small on the horizon. "No! What? No! What's your problem?! We've got to visit Razz!", yelled Adora. Swifty exhaled loudly."As you wish, o saviour of Etheria."He swept upside-down, only righting himself after about five terrifying seconds. "What the hell was that? What's your actual problem? 'O saviour of Etheria'? Seriously?!" "Well, it would just be nice if you didn't consort with the enemy. And if you noticed when I'm away overnight. You used to ask me where I was!" "She's not the enemy." "I trust my own eyes better than your rose-tinted glasses." Adora sighed. She would really like to continue this argument, but she would really, really like to see Razz again."Look - sorry I don't notice when you're away. There's just a lot going on, and I figure you can take care of yourself." "Hm.", huffed Swifty. He preened, slightly."I am one of the most independent of my species. And-" He suddenly dived for the forest roof. Adora shielded her face with her arms, but by the time they landed, was spitting twigs and tiny leaves out of her mouth. "- the most accurate." There was the little hut, surrounded by some lovely flora. In fact - from this angle - the whole of the Whispering Woods was beautiful: a rainbow of colours, the slowly-opening buds of petals and leaves shifting slightly on a cool breeze, insects weaving between them, and the shining eyes of timid animals peeking out from behind tree trunks. Those eyes disappeared when Swifty bashed Razz's door open with his head."Razz! Visitors! Ooh, you're making flapjack? Brill-agh!" He backed away from the hut, and Razz dropped the broom she had been brandishing, running over to hug Adora. Adora hugged the little woman back; she likely hadn't seen another person in a while, and Adora knew what it was like to live without affection. "Adora, dearie! Come inside, come inside. I'm cooking, ah... cake! Yes."Swift Wind made to join them, but got hit with the broom again."Out! There's an apple tree a couple miles north. Go away. Damn annoying horse." The flapjack smelled lovely. Razz pulled out two chairs for Adora at the table, and she took a seat on the opposite side. It seemed to take Razz a minute to realise one chair was unoccupied."Where is she?" "Where's who?"Was Razz having hallucinations now? Adora wasn't entirely sure it was safe for her to keep living out here. "Your... your Serenia. Mara, dearie, you know I like Serenia. Bring her to see me more often." "Razz... I'm not Mara. I don't know Serenia." "Oh, don't - don't be ridiculous. Your Serenia. Pretty girl. She hurts, doesn't she? Hurts in her bones and her mind." "She died."Adora wasn't sure if Razz knew. She spoke quietly, as if that would make it untrue."She died a thousand years ago." Razz - all of a sudden - laughed."No, no, that's silly. Your Serenia. Your Serenia wasn't thought of by Fate a thousand years ago. I like Serenia, Mara dearie. Bring her to visit." "I can't. I... I'm sorr-" "The flapjack!", yelled Razz. Without warning, she had jumped up and sprinted to the oven, pulling out the tray without anything to protect her hands. Adora jumped up, too."Oh - no - Razz, you're goin-" "Sit down, silly girl. Respect your elders." Cautiously, Adora returned to her seat as Razz picked up a knife - intricately carved out of what looked like bone - and started to cut the flapjack. She put two slices on a small plate, which she placed between Adora and the empty chair. Then, she sat back down opposite."Both for you, I think, Adora.", she mumbled. "... Thank you."It tasted wonderful. Both slices were gone within the minute."Are you not having any?" Razz traced an abstract shape on the table with her long fingernail."I... do not eat of the planet. The living... ah, you'll never understand, Mara, dearie. It is not yours to understand. Hm."She offered a crooked smile to Adora. Swift Wind's voice came from outside."You old fraud! There aren't any apples on that tree!" "It's February, you imbecile!", yelled Razz back at him. It occurred to Adora that Swifty was essentially the only company Razz had had for several months. It intensified the guilt that had been growing at the back of her mind. Razz, however, was grinning like a fox in a henhouse. "You don't know the difference between five o'clock and Tuesday!", shouted the horse, his head appearing through the door. Razz stood up, raising her broom like heraldry."At least I can brush my own hair, fleabag!"This argument made no sense. First of all, it didn't look like Razz had even heard of a hairbrush. Secondly, Swifty took great pride in his appearance, and did in fact brush his own hair, using brushes affixed to the stable walls. Still, though, he stumbled back as if he'd been mortally wounded. "Your point, Razz.", he conceded. "I'm getting hungry, and it's nearly lunch. C'mon, Adora, let's go." Razz nodded at Adora, as a goodbye. However, just by the door, she grabbed Adora's arm in a vice-grip."The readers want to see me meet your Serenia. Hmm?" Slightly scared, Adora just nodded. Razz released her. Once they were up in the air, Adora said, "Change of course. George and Lance's library. We can get lunch there." Swift Wind grumbled, but obliged.
[FN: "She hurts, doesn't she? Hurts in her bones and her mind."]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora's brand of low self-esteem is 'I only have worth if I fix everyone's problems'. Catra's (irrelevant to this chapter), by contrast, is more 'I am inherently worthless therefore my actions mean nothing'.]
[Adora.]
When I wake up, Catra is sitting beside me. That's not particularly notable in itself - she's always up earlier than me - except she's hunched over, holding the back of her neck with one hand. "What's wrong?", I ask, although I already know the answer. She'll say, 'Nightmare.', and refuse to give any more detail. I'm not sure whether it's because she can't say it aloud, or because there are details she'd rather I didn't know: she thinks they'd hurt me to hear. If I knew for certain it was the latter, I might be angry - I'm stronger than she thinks I am; I'm She-Ra for goodness' sake - but I don't know, and she won't say. "Nothing.", she replies. I feel it would be unhelpful to point out the obvious lie."My hair's just got too long." Why've I never considered that? Of course hair brushing at the scar would be irritating. I was too busy thinking about myself to notice. I get up."We can cut your hair later. If you want."Why did I add the choice as an afterthought? Does her autonomy mean nothing to me? I open the box on my dressing table."I can pin it up for now, okay?"I can't be in two places at once, but I should be in two places at once. Why did I think it was a good idea to walk away from her? I know she's scared of being alone. "Okay." I sit behind her, and start to pin the loose strands at the back to about an inch higher, careful not to touch the skin or the scar. It's quiet. Too quiet. I should start talking."Bow showed me how he does Glimmer's hair." "Hm."I don't know what that noise means. Why don't I know? Aren't I the singular person who's known her her whole life? When I'm done, I pretty much can't see the hairpins. I think I've done a fairly good job. She doesn't turn around - doesn't lift her bowed head - just reaches behind her to hold my hand. An idea seizes me, but I wrench it back from the forefront of my brain and give it a theoretical slap upside the head. Absolutely not. Not without asking, says another part of my mind."... Can I touch your scar?" She still doesn't move, and sounds surprised as she says, "Go ahead." I lean down and briefly kiss the spot of white where the chip used to be. As the silent seconds pass by, the thoughts I've made a terrible mistake and You idiot, what in the hell possessed you to do that become very loud. "Do that again."
[Catra.]
electricity shooting down my spinal cord. burning my head. i can't feel my skin. i-
The clammy hand - my hand - on the back of my neck returns me to reality. He's gone. I am mine. I try to calm down my shaky breathing. "What's wrong?"Shit. I've woken Adora. I try to keep her out of this part of my life - the nightmares, the flashbacks, the fear - because she'd somehow feel responsible for it. "Nothing. My hair's just got too long."I'm not lying, per se. She sits up."We can cut your hair later. If you want."Always giving me a choice. Never making executive decisions. How did she ever lead an army?"I can pin it up for now, okay?"She's looking in the box on the dressing-table, that I know contains all her pretty things - necklaces and bracelets and brooches and rings and all sorts. I'm split between hoping that she doesn't make me look ridiculous, and thinking that it would be quite funny if she did. "Okay." She sits behind me and begins to pin the long hair at the back out of the way. So gentle, as always."Bow showed me how he does Glimmer's." "Hm."Interesting. I add it to my list of evidence. It's not that I intend to accuse them, or anything - just so I can say I told you so when they're caught kissing in a cupboard or something. Adora stops fussing with my hair, but she doesn't move, so I don't either, except to hold her hand and lightly squeeze it once. Thank you. An old gesture - I don't know if she remembers. The silence drags on a bit, until she says, "Can I touch your scar?" It's so seldom Adora asks for things that she wants, that I won't say no when she does."Go ahead." She kisses the scar. The echoes of electricity that always linger for hours after a nightmare disappear. The scar is hers - Prime's gone, really actually gone - for a moment. It doesn't last long enough. My heart skips a weird rhythm for a second and I have to catch my breath. Waiting a second until my ears stop ringing so loud. "Do that again."
[Aside from the obvious, that being the mental commentary, there are a lot of differences between how the two characters perceive the interaction. This shows the importance of considering the perspective.]
[if "I won't say no if she does" sounds kind-of unhealthy to you, that's because it is. catra's two options right now when it comes to adora are 'say yes and appreciate the result', or 'say yes and freak out over the result']
[FN: heart palpitations]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Bow and Glimmer walked into the sitting room. Glimmer was beaming and waving a piece of paper around. "I got a letter from Scorpia this morning. She's officially in charge of the Fright Zone!" Catra laughed."Write back and wish the Horde good luck. They'll need it." "I don't know. Scorpia's very compassionate. I think she could make a good leader.", reasoned Bow. Glimmer interrupted, "What've you got against Scorpia?" "Can't stand her. She had this huge crush on me the whole time. Idiot." "Does that make me an idiot, too?", asks Adora. Catra smiles at her." 'Course. Don't know where you'd be if you had any brains." Glimmer's comm buzzed, and she checked it, and disappeared. Catra wasn't quite sure what for, but assumed it was some kind of joke at her expense, because Adora and Bow were being very obviously excited for something. The BFS had a slightly less assault-and-grievous-bodily-harm approach to jokes than the Horde, though, so she decided to let it play out. Thirty seconds later, Glimmer reappeared with a plate and a fork, which she set on the floor in front of Catra. The plate had some sort of fleshy orange-grey slice on it."I ordered something in for you that I thought you'd like." Catra eyed it apprehensively."That's food?" "Well, I don't know why else Di would've cooked it.", muttered Glimmer, collapsing into the next beanbag over. "Huh."Catra picked up the fork and pressed it into one end of the thing. Same texture as fish. Encouraged by this, she separated a small amount, and carefully tasted it, fully expecting it to be awful. Holy shit that was good. Catra immediatedly suppressed a purr and tried to pull her ears back to neutral. Adora started giggling."Catra! Your pupils just went -"She mimed a little explosion. "Yeah. Sure. It's good, I guess."Catra put the fork down, but everyone seemed to be watching her, so she picked it back up and gestured at the plate with it."Can... am I allowed t-" "Yes. That's all yours. And there's loads more in the kitchen."Glimmer pulled off her shoes and snuggled properly into the beanbag."We should have it actually prepared. In a pie or a wellington or something. Y'know, in polite society, you never put salmon on the table without parsley sauce." "Mm.", replied Catra, who was rather too busy to listen. Both Adora and Bow were busy, too, watching her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈From the Palace of Bright Moon≈◊≈◊≈◊≈ AlwynThimbles Upon TheeMareiaFebruary 24, 1002 My dear friend Mareia, Good tidings for the end of this war! I was delighted to hear that your business remains in operation since the relocation of Etheria. I would also like to offer my congratulations for your daughter's engagement, which I have heard of via Spinnerella, and am wondering whether the wedding will take place in Dryl or Alwyn. I would like to make an order, with the payment enclosed within this envelope, for some pieces of clothing for myself and some friends, as follows: Two medium-sized t-shirts, these being wide in the shoulders, in light blue cotton.A further two of the same in a smaller size, in a light green cotton.For each t-shirt a matching pair of comfortable shorts with buttoned waists. Fitted to Bow, whose measurements you already have, a smart pink shirt with traditional, that is, not buttoned, cuffs. Fitted to my measurements, which you already have, a dress, the creative freedom of which I, as usual, confer to you. My good friend Juliet, with whom I am certain you met when my mother had that lovely purple dress made, is taking a well-deserved holiday in Alwyn. She is returning in late March, by which point I hope she should be able to bring the contents of this order back with her. Best wishes,Pri Queen Glimmer. ≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈◊≈
[re. Krytis, when Adora said the green suited Catra, catra remembered that. Her pyjamas are now green, and stay that way for 20 years]
[Bow is absent here because he's visiting his dads]
"Is Catherine Elisabeth still good, or...?"Glimmer twirled her pen, looking at Catra expectantly. "Just 'Catra'."There was a slight pause."Please, thank-you, you're-welcome, bless-you. Et cetera." Smirking, Glimmer glanced between Catra and Adora."You sure? 'Catra Graysk-" "No. Just 'Catra'." Adora absent-mindedly interlaced their fingers, and murmured, "For now." Catra elbowed her slightly. "Okayyy... C,A,T,R,A. Birth date, 28,10,82-" "How do you know that?" "- from your Horde file. Scorpia sent it over. Place of residence, Bright Moon Palace, occupation..."Glimmer squinted at Catra for a second."I'll make you advisor to the Queen. And if that didn't exist before, it does now. Title...?" "Babe.", giggled Adora. Catra elbowed Adora properly this time."Don't call me that." "How about-" "I said -" Catra shoved Adora away from her - "don't call me that. Babe, baby, kit, kitten, anything. Got it?" Adora looked at the floor."... Yeah, sorry." "Play nice.", said Glimmer, without looking up from the paperwork. Catra closed her eyes and breathed in and out."Sorry. I got angry." "It's okay."Adora smiled at her, genuinely, and it made Catra a little uncomfortable.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer]
"No, seriously, you're going to have to learn how to write.", I declare, putting Catra's note back down in front of her. 25021002 ELISABETH,CB,1433 Glimmer. As I have previously said please knock on our door instead of fucking teleporting in we would like to not be interupted particularly from 2300 to 0600 this is time in which we are asleep or else unspeakable activities. Thank you for taking verbal notice yesterday I put this in writing to ade your memory. E,143625021002 ELISABETH,C Catra rolls her eyes."What exactly is your problem with it? It's concise, clear, and informative. And, pretty legible, if I do say so myself."She smirks and looks at her claws as if readable handwriting is something to show off about. Aside from the fact that it looks like an eight-year-old's, of course. "I mean, first, you cap it with random numbers and letters, sign it twice, and you start with my name and then a full stop which isn't even a real sentence!" "What, you don't date, time, and sign your work?", asks Catra incredulously. "Is basic filing capability actually beyond the Princesses? And, I started with the recipient. That's you, in case you didn't guess." I cross my arms."Second of all - I mean, crucially, really - you can't write to people like that! It's unbelievably rude. I mean, who writes swear words in letters? And the whole thing comes off as super demanding! It's fine to talk like that but you have to write with some semblance of decorum!" "Yeah, I'm not a Princess, thanks." "Ugh!"I pull a random letter - from Mermista, by the look of the paper - out of my inbox."Look at this! This is a letter! A real letter!" Dear Queen Glimmer,In RSVP to your note re. the party on 10th March, I thoroughly regret that Salineas enjoys a national holiday on the same date and I will not be able to attend (this extends to Sea Hawk, of course, who sends his apologies). Please give my best to Bow, Adora, and the PA.Yours,Mermista X "Is that not... really insincere?", says Catra, squinting at it. I stab my finger at the letter."I mean, this is on the informal side of things, but at least it's polite! Why can you not just write like a normal person! Adora didn't have a problem learning to write properly!" "Gee, sorry I was so rude."Catra grabs her own letter and tears it in half."Why don't I leave you stupid Princesses to your stupid Princess manners."She walks out of my office, dropping the two halves in the wastepaper basket on her way.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Oh. My. Goodness.", exclaimed Bow softly. "What?", asked Adora, completely oblivious to the fact that it was technically her fault - her thumb running over the fluffy spot behind Catra's ear. "You actually purr?", he squealed. "Oh, Catra, you are so cute!" At this, Catra stopped immediately, batting Adora's hand away."Not cute.", she argued. "Wait, you purr?", repeated Glimmer, more surprised-sounding than Bow. "Not if you're going to be weird about it."Catra accentuated this comment with a middle finger to the room at large. Adora tilted her head to the side slightly, gazing at Catra wide-eyed."I never really notice when you purr. I guess I got used to it." "Don't tell us we've been missing out on all that cuteness this whole time.", said Bow, crossing his arms. Catra raised her middle finger again."Fuck off, Boy."She'd recently dropped the 'Arrow-' from 'Arrow-Boy', feeling that the latter was far too long of a nickname, and was waiting to see if 'Boy' would stick like Sparkles had. If you thought about it the wrong way, it came off kind of discriminatory, so perhaps not. Glimmer seemed invested."What else do you do that's technically cat stuff?" Catra shrugged. And then she chirped - a little noise in the back of her throat, that didn't really mean anything specifically, or at least that she wasn't enough of a cat to interpret. Bow's eyes seemed to shine with admiration."You are so cute!" "Watch it. I'm the cute one in your life.", Glimmer warned him, teleporting over to punch him lightly on the shoulder and give him a quick peck on the cheek. Given that the purring and chirruping were the only things Catra was particularly enthusiastic to keep secret, she decided to just go all in."Claws, ears, obviously. I'm pretty colourblind, apart from blue and green, but it trades off with the nightvision. My hearing's good, too. I'm double-jointed -" she demonstrated, pulling her thumb down parallel to her wrist - "and good at jumping, climbing, et cetera. I can kind of sense the weather, to a point? Oh, and my tongue's like sandpaper, apparently." "Yeah, I knew that.", snorted Glimmer. "You're forgetting that your fighting style involves a suspicious amount of biting." "What's suspicious about it?", asked Catra, trying to ignore that her thumb hurt now. "Well..."Glimmer side-eyed Adora."Was beginning to think the Horde just didn't feed you lot." "Aww, don't be mean.", murmured Bow, who had quite happily snuggled into Glimmer's side. Seeming to have had an idea, Glimmer smirked."How far do the claws go back?" Catra held up her hand, and retracted her claws until they looked almost like normal nails, albeit thicker, pointier, and still opaque black. "Happy days for Adora, then." Adora looked confusedly at Glimmer."What do you mea-" "Sparkles, I swear, if you bring that up one more time.", snarled Catra, brandishing her fully-extended claws at Glimmer. Glimmer just giggled."Territorial much?"
[The traits that Catra doesn't tell Glimmer and Bow: very fine fur on her back and stomach, the ability to hiss, susceptibility to catnip, aversion to loud noises and high pitches, sensitivity to touch, general skittishness, and the tendency to hide in small spaces when threatened.]
[Catra has no social traits for cats, like interpreting her own noises (as mentioned) or slow blinking. This is because, obviously, she was socialised in the Horde]
["I can kind of sense the weather" - not actually a cat trait. that's [FN:] something else]
[FN: "double-jointed"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Adora puts down her hairbrush, and climbs into bed. Catra stays precisely where she is, which is unusual. Confused, Adora moves away, slightly."What? Are you okay?" "M-hm. I was just thinking, how come I always kiss you? And not the other way round." "Well."Adora thinks for a second."It might make you uncomfortable." "Precisely how?" "You don't like people getting in your personal space." "You're not people. You're Adora." "But..." "Oh, so you're just a coward."Catra grins, and brushes away a lock of hair that had fallen over Adora's face. Adora doesn't seem to know how to respond. Her eyes are a definitively bluish grey. "Go on, kiss me." Adora rests her forehead against Catra's. They both enjoy, for a moment, the soft silence."Does this count?" "... Not really, but... it's nice."
[I think I explain the eye colour thing in Nothing, which is chronologically later, so tl;dr blue-ish means Adora's a bit worried or something]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Uhh... Perfuma? Your, um, assistant said I could just go to your rooms."Scorpia hovered awkwardly just inside the doorway, twisting her pincers together."I wanted to ask you about the whole, uh, thing. With the Fright Zone. All the planning... and stuff. But - but if it's not a good time - or if you're not here - that's fine. That's cool. I'll catch you later. Uhhh... bye?"It was alright. She'd see Perfuma soon. She had really been considering asking her if they could do a bonding activity together, but that could wait. "No, I am here!"Perfuma appeared through a green-painted wooden door."Hey, Scorp'. Yeah, we can talk about the Fr-" "Oh, man. I am so sorry. I'll just - I'll just leave."Scorpia's face had gone almost as red as her exoskeleton, and she'd brought up her pincers to shield her eyes from Perfuma - who was entirely naked, aside from half her hair being twisted up into little knots with scraps of fabric. "Oh! It's okay. I'm the one that should be sorry."Perfuma reached behind the bathroom door and produced a delicate floral-patterned dressing-gown, which she tied on, loosely enough that her whole sternum remained visible."I forgot that not everyone is as forgiving of immodesty as Plumeria."She giggled, and the sound was like wind chimes. It enraptured Scorpia. Scorpia, by this point, had hesitantly uncovered her face. She was trying to erase the image of Perfuma from her mind - because surely it was mean to even consider remembering such a thing - but it didn't help that, once Perfuma sat down on a little sofa, one of her legs was visible up to the mid-thigh. Not to mention the sight of her wonderfully sharp collarbones, or the way those damp strands of hair clung to her forehead- "Come and sit down." It took a second for Scorpia to quite remember how to walk, but somehow, she got over to the seat opposite Perfuma. It was luxuriously soft. The same fabric as in Bright Moon - was it called silk? Scorpia made a mental note to have some in the Fright Zone. Or, well - that's why she was here, really."I was wondering how to name it." "Name... the Fright Zone?" There were quite a few things Scorpia wanted to name right now - it was taking all her self-control not to blurt out Perfuma I think I love you! Please date me!, but somehow she managed not to."Yeah. Uh... 'Fright' isn't really the look I'm going for." Perfuma tapped the ends of her fingers together slowly."What's the look you are going for?" "Uhhh... friendly? Nice?" "Hmm."She looked like she was thinking quite hard - in that technique called 'meditation', that Scorpia hadn't quite had the time to get a hold of before everything went to heck."Why are you naming it?" "Well. You couldn't exactly not. Y'know, 'wow, have you met Scorpia? She's Princess of...' See? Things've gotta have a name." "You misunderstand me. What... has led to you being the one that chooses the new name?" "It's my kingdom, I guess. If Hordak hadn't've showed up, I would have inherited it from my grandfather, anyway. Or maybe from my mum. She didn't even get a chance to be a Princess." Perfuma leaned forward - surely a mistake, because then even more of the dressing-gown draped away from her, which made Scorpia very nervous. It was rude not to make eye contact - but if she was looking at Perfuma's pretty eyes, it would be so easy to glance just a little lower-"What did your grandfather call it?" "Just - the Scorc - Scorpion Kingdom." "Would you like some tea?"The left-field question threw Scorpia for a second, until Perfuma clarified, "You look uncomfortable. I find tea very calming. Would you like... hmm."She wandered over to a cabinet and pulled out a little drawer. Scorpia was grateful for the brief respite - it had been getting altogether too warm with Perfuma right in front of her."Calendula, or rose and hibiscus?" She'd never heard of either, but 'calendula' sounded nice. It was pretty - the sort of word that you had to use your whole mouth to say, if you were so inclined to say it. Which Scorpia wasn't, because she'd never heard of it, and didn't want to say it wrong."The first one, please." "Oh, lovely. I think I'll have the same."She busied herself with a kettle and two earthenware mugs."Did you know your grandfather well?" "Ooh, uh... no. I was really young when he made his deal with Hordak. Y'know - I didn't even know his name until a couple weeks ago. 'King Vyol'. I mean, it's not... the nicest - how it sounds, I mean - but it's good to put a name to the guy." "What about the rest of your family? Did you know them?" "...No. I got entered into the Cadet program. I haven't seen my parents since I was two. But - but I've got their names now. Adamite and Etzli. They, uhm... both died in action, though." Perfuma set a cup of tea down on the table in front of Scorpia."I'm sorry to hear that." "Oh, it's - uh - it's fine. Thank you. Y'know... you're the first person to say that to me."Scorpia hadn't thought it was possible to admire a person this much. But Perfuma was just so... calm. And decisive. And thoughtful. And so beautiful. And perfect. Perfuma sipped her tea like a proper Princess. Scorpia, nervous to look stupid, just held the mug balanced between her pincers. Perfuma didn't seem to notice, or mind."Do you think you want to honour your family? Or are you moving ahead to something different with your kingdom?" There was only one photograph, in the whole world, of Scorpia's mothers. It had thankfully survived the destruction of the Fright Zone, along with most of the north wing, which the lingering ex-Horde members had all moved to. None of them knew Adamite and Etzli. None of them knew Vyol. None of them had even been to Horror Hall."I don't want my family's legacy to disappear. I'm the only one left." Perfuma listened attentively. The way her elegant fingers crossed over each other, holding the mug, was fairly distracting, so Scorpia looked up at the ceiling. It was painted with tiny flowers and vines. "And there aren't many scorpions, like me. There are a couple in the Horde, and I've heard there are some knocking around the Crimson Waste, and apparently there's a trafficking problem with them in Salineas. We - uhm. We deserve our own place, I think."Her eyes were starting to well up - but she wasn't embarrassed. Perfuma had always encouraged open expressions of emotion back in camp. "It sounds to me like the old name would work perfectly well. There's no use fixing something that's not broken." "The Scorpion Kingdom."It sounded right."The Scorpion Kingdom. The Scorpion Kingdom. The Scorpion Kingdom. Hmm." Perfuma reached across and patted one of Scorpia's pincers."Well, I like it, if you do." "Yeah. Yeah, I do like it! Oh, man. Thank you so much! Yes! We have a name!" "Are you going to drink your tea, Inspector Constable?" "Huh? I'm a Force Captain." "Oh. Yes, sorry. You won't understand that. You know, you really should watch some of Plumeria's theatre. It's excellent."Perfuma went over to a side-table, and pulled a piece of paper out of a drawer, and studied it."There's a showing of 'Fantastic Portents' just this afternoon. We could go watch it together." "Oh! Uh - really?"A coaster of knitted clovers appeared underneath Scorpia's untouched cup of tea as she set it down. "Yes. You really need to be introduced to some good culture. How's about, you go and get some food while I finish getting ready, and we meet in the Circle at noon?" Suddenly remembering that she'd so rudely interrupted Perfuma's bathtime, Scorpia stood up abruptly."O-okay. Cool. Yeah." "See you there!"
["This is a human police officer who's just popped in for a quick look at a cupperty." - 'Inspector Constable' is a Good Omens reference hahahahahaha I love Muriel]
[In my writing, while 'um' and 'uh' are interchangeable, 'uhm' represents extra underlying emotion to the interjection.]
[Horror Hall gets renamed to Vyola Hall (which rhymes with 'viola' the flower and not 'viola' the instrument).
Interestingly, I earlier made a completely separate decision that if Scorpia and Perfuma were to have a child, it would be called 'Via', because of the meaning 'road'/'bridge' - the child would bridge their territories and powers.
None of this has anything to do with Vi from Arcane, by the way. I guess /vai/ and /vi:/ are just popular sounds?]
[random fluffy snapshot that took 4 attempts to properly write]
[Adora]
Glimmer: holy fuck adoraAdora: whatAdora: whats wrong I don't get a chance to find out what's wrong before Glimmer appears, grabs my arm, and teleports me to wherever. I summon the Sword of Protection and am just about to turn into She-Ra - but we're in a Bright Moon sitting room, one of the smaller north-wing ones we don't use often because the BFS's rooms are in the south wing, and there's something about it that just feels safe. It's Catra's purr, I realise. I can't see her, but the noise is coming from the sensory swing that Entrapta installed (without Angella's permission, I might add), back one of the times she was staying over at the palace. "I just found her like this.", whispers Glimmer, sparkling with excitement. I tiptoe over, and carefully peek inside. Catra's curled up, asleep but not that deeply if she's purring, and Melog's tucked into her chest all small-sized, and Catra's ear fluff has that specific ruffled look to it that it does when she's been letting Melog lick them, and I almost die. Well, that's an exaggeration, obviously. What I do actually have is the paradoxical urge to squash her with all my strength, but I settle on taking several paces away and flapping my hands and squeaking as quietly as I possibly can.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
Catra's snuck up behind me, and I only know that because I'm really not paying attention to all these constellation charts."Hey, uh, Princess? Can I borrow something?" "Yeah, sure."I close the physics book on top of the maps because maybe then they'll stop existing."You wanna borrow this assignment off me?" "Yeah. Sure. Later. Turn around." I do - and, oh, she's wearing my red jacket. Suddenly I'm very warm all over, and it takes me a second to realise that the feeling isn't jealousy, like it was when Lonnie took my jacket and made fun of the shoulders."That - uh - wow, you - uh."I take a deep breath and try to say something else, but it comes out as a squeaky mmm noise instead. "Oh. That good? Really?"She pushes the book out of the way and perches on my desk."It's massive in the shoulders and chest on me. And I kind of bodged the belt pin thing together 'cause yours is complicated for no reason."She's definitely just trying to get me to tell her how good it looks, and I'm definitely going to indulge her. As soon as I can figure out how to use words again."Uhh... no, it's, it's, it's hot, actually, really cute, so, um, just - yeah." "You fancy wearing my stuff?"She's got a hand on my collarbone now, tracing across to my shoulder. "Uh. No, I - I wouldn't fit."The moment breaks when I remember Glimmer saying 'Catra's kinda way too skinny, right?' after that first dinner on Darla. And the look Glimmer gave me when the BFS had its first sleepover, and nothing'd changed, and it still hasn't, not really. Catra's not noticed that I'm distracted. She's decided to start playing with my hair, and I don't mind that at all, so I'll let her for the forseeable future. But Catra's always been small, right?, so I shouldn't expect to fit in her clothes. Except I did - we used to steal out of each other's lockers all the time - until I grew out and Catra just... didn't. Not as much, anyway. Shadow Weaver said it was because I'm naturally stronger.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
"Catra.", I say, because she's lying on the floor. It looks a tad uncomfortable. "Yes?"She doesn't stop lying on the floor. "Why, exactly, are you lying on the floor?" She points up at the ceiling decorations."I'm watching." "Watching... what?"I try to see what she's seeing. They're swaying slightly on a breeze from the open window, but, otherwise, nothing's changed. Catra rolls her eyes as much as she can without actually looking away."The ornaments, idiot. Melog is, too."She points up at the wardrobe - Melog's loafed on top, intently watching the ceiling decorations. "It's kinda creepy?" "I don't care what you think."She pats the floor with an outstretched hand."This is my room too." "Can I at least interest you in lying on a blanket?", I offer. "You bruise like Kyle." "Nah, I'm good. You can join in if you want?" For a second, I stare at the ornaments too. One of the little ones hits one of the big ones, and it goes ting, and Melog chitters at it a bit."No, I, uh, I think I'll leave you to it."I grab a throw blanket and drop it next to Catra, and then leave. "You're missing out.", says Catra as the door closes.
[FN: "You bruise {easily}"]
[welcome to another episode of "the author hates kettles"]
[the previous episode is about 100 chapters ahead oops]
Adora's looking over Catra's shoulder, trying to understand how to put her own 'Baking for Beginners: Plain Bread' together - Catra's decidedly better at the kneading than her. "You are. Breathing. On my. Ear.", Catra quietly growls. "Sorry, sorry."Adora steps back and continues to watch. Over in the corner, General Juliet puts the kettle on, and Catra's ears pin back."Could you not, seriously?"She wipes her hands on her apron and storms out of the kitchen into its little adjacent courtyard. Adora does an apologetic smile at Juliet, who looks bewildered."Sorry. High-pitch noises really get to her. Uhh..."She briefly considers following Catra, but decides to persevere with the bread instead. Catra'll be back soon.
[Adora]
"Why's everything so fucking rainbowy with you guys?", complains Catra when I show her some options for writing-paper - she's got to have her own writing-paper, because Glimmer's decided that technically as Advisor to the Queen, Catra should have her own office, which is being arranged. I elbow her lightly in the side." 'Cause it's cool and fun and also 'cause this one has a real purpose, bec-" "Which is?" "Well, I was about to explain before you interrupted me!"I cross my arms and stick my tongue out at Catra."Pick your favourites, and then I'll explain." "Grey.", Catra mutters. I pull out the grey-paged notebook and offer it to her, but she doesn't take it. "No, the other grey. You know what I'm talking about." I try the red. Nope. "Other other grey." Pink? Bingo - she takes the notebook and flips it open."See, this is the thing.", I tell her. "That's pink, not grey." "Do I care? Anyway, I don't like the line-spacing. Not even you write this big."She tosses the notebook back on top of the pile."I can work with anything that's not blue, green, yellow, or line-spaced like ass. Plain white is fine." I pull Catra closer to me, and bury my face in her hair, and whisper, "I do write that big." "You write like ass, then.", she whispers back. "Catra," says Adora, very calmly, because she is reading a book and refuses to let herself get distracted, "why are you biting my shoulder?" Catra's long since abandoned her own evening reading."I wanna have something in my mouth, and no not in that way, and I like you."She rubs her cheek across Adora's shoulder."Give me your hand." "To chew on?" "No, to write an essay on, obviousl- yes, idiot. To chew on." "Fine."Adora marks her page and gives up her left hand to Catra."Y'know, I never asked. Is this, like, affectionate?" Catra bites Adora's little finger, hard, between her back teeth, seems to deem that adequate, and nods. Adora smiles."I love you, too." Catra gives an irritated chirp when Adora kisses her ear, and releases Adora's hand for a second."It's just 'cause my teeth want to bite something. Not 'cause I'm nice." "Yeah, sure."Adora kisses Catra's other ear too, just to annoy her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Glimmer.]
Glimmer could hardly wait to show off the plans Entrapta had sent to her last night. She rushed through breakfast, and sat there tapping her feet and bouncing, waiting for the others. The Best Friends Squad was alone in the dining hall, aside from Juliet who popped in briefly to discuss a window with a broken lock on the second floor. "C'mon guys, hurry up!" Finally the plates were cleared away, and Glimmer grabbed Bow's elbow and Adora's shoulder (Catra was holding Adora's hand) to teleport the lot of them up to the sitting room. "For the love of- Glimmer, could you not?" "Oops, sorry, Catra! Anyway. Entrapta sent me the plans. Upgrades to Darla, skeleton itinerary for the trip, spacesuits-mark-two! You'd probably understand the blueprints better than me, though, Bow." Glimmer flipped the screen around to show Bow, but he was frowning at Catra, who was weirdly pale, sitting on a beanbag, leaning against Adora."You alright?", he asked. "Yeah. I'm fine." "You can go lie down if y-" Catra forced a smile."I said, I'm fine." She didn't look it, but Bow chose not to contest. Adora seemed oddly unconcerned with the whole thing. "Anyway, have a look, Bow!", interrupted Glimmer. There was only one problem with Entrapta's blueprints."I don't know, maybe we should ask Entrapta to vague it up a bit. I could almost understand it.", pointed out Bow. "What, really?" Glimmer rolled her eyes."Yes, of course, Adora. And if you look up, you'll see 'gullible' written on the ceiling." Catra put her hand on top of Adora's head. Adora crossed her arms, pretending to be annoyed. Bow went on; "She's covered her work in all these acronyms and symbols. And there's an entire page in First Ones." "Ooh, let me look!", volunteered Adora. She did so."These are all... labels. Like, on a diagram. Battery terminal and daughter board and ribbon cable - stuff like that. I think she's just seen them and copied them out." "See!", exclaimed Bow. "How am I meant to understand the plans when there's stuff like that randomly chucked in there? Get Entrapta over here and have her explain it." "Wouldn't recommend that.", interjected Catra. "When she was with us, she was awful at explaining stuff. Ask her to simplify something and she's going, do you know what maths is? I'll grant her heart's in it but she's a terrible communicator." "Well, there isn't another option.", replied Bow. "OK then bye! Back in a sec!", called Glimmer before disappearing.
[I did absolutely copy the phrase "vague it up a bit" from episode 1 of Buffy]
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[Catra.]
she would not last me long. he knows i'm broken. he keeps breaking me - my elbow slips, and my hand stops existing, but i know i'm still killing her. there will be peace. i can see myself killing her. little sister. the Light is so loud. it's pure information. it's pure ambition. something in my knee snaps and i'm still killing her. all beings must suffer to become pure. she won't stop trying. she won't stop dying. catra. i am falling. catra. i am lighter than air. i feel free. catra. won't you let me die? "Catra?"I jump, heart racing, half-expecting to wake up at my desk with a barbed-wire spine and ink imprinted on my face and Scorpia standing over me. No one's saying my name. No one's speaking. It's still nighttime in Bright Moon, and Adora's sleeping peacefully beside me, her hand resting on the back of my head. I won't be able to get back to sleep. Grateful that it takes a whole lot to wake Adora up, I nab the jumper she was wearing yesterday - blue with sunflowers - from the armchair, and nick a pair of shorts from her cupboard, and dress, and go for a walk. I like the palace in the early morning - early enough that not even Juliet's awake (and she gets up around an hour before the other staff). The whole place looks a lot nicer in shadow. The attic window that goes to the roof is already open - weird. I climb out, claws extended, treading lightly. No one on the north side. On the south side- A beam of light hits me in the face and I almost - almost - trip backwards. "Cripes, Catra, you scared me!" "Oh, it's you."When the dark spots are half-gone from my eyes, I can tell it's Bow sitting on the other side of the window, holding a clipboard and a pencil in the one hand and a torch in the other. He's wearing what look like pyjamas - loose blue trousers and a yellow crop top with a heart embroidered in the middle. He breaks out into a smile."You look so cute in that! You need to wear Adora's clothes more often." "I am not cute." He raises an eyebrow."What are you doing out here, anyway?" "I could ask you the same.", I deflect, crossing my arms. "Writing George's birthday letter."He pats the spot next to him, inviting me to sit, and I oblige. There's not much on the page besides Dear Dad. "Why a letter, anyway? I still don't understand birthdays." "It's..."He sighs."It's traditional, I guess? I don't know. I see them often enough anyway, what with... hhh."He tails off into another sigh."See, I just don't think it would be fair, do you? I mean, since Lance can't keep secrets for the life of him, and neither can Elliot, and I can't ask George to keep secrets from his own husband, can I?" "... No?"I've never heard of this 'Elliot'. Come to think of it, I've never even met Bow's dads - it's an hour by foot to the library, and everyone else tends to teleport or go by magic horse, neither of which are options for me. This aside, I don't know what 'secret' he's talking about. He takes a minute to realise this, still staring at the paper. Dear Dad. Happy birthday! I have hope your day"Me and Glimmer." "You still haven't told them?" "... I'd love to, but... she's the Queen. That makes it her partner's job to provide heirs, and I don't want to rush anything - we haven't even talked about marriage yet. And Micah told me that Angella got pressured into proposing way too soon, and he got pressured into saying yes. And - yeah, it turned out to be the right choice for them, but..." I pat his shoulder, slightly awkwardly. This is not my area of expertise."I mean, I would say, don't tell him. He doesn't need to know. It's your life." Suddenly, Bow throws the pencil, as hard as he can. It spins in the torchlight, then down into the shadows, and disappears. I think this is the angriest I've ever seen him, apart from all the time we were mortal enemies, but that doesn't count. He stands up abruptly, and I've half a mind to reach forward and stop him jumping, but he starts pacing around the roof, the clipboard and torch abandoned. His trouser legs flap around in the moderate breeze. When he turns back around to face me, he asks, "What are you doing this early, anyway?"His voice is tearful. "I, uh, couldn't sleep."The pink light of dawn is starting to paint the horizon. "Tea?", offers Bow. I accept, and follow him down to the kitchens, although I don't really like tea.
[Catra never tells Scorpia she doesn't like tea, because making tea {A) gets Scorpia out of the way} and {B) makes Scorpia feel useful}.]
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Catra walks into Adora's room - where she is working, thank you very much - and flops down onto their bed."I kinda wanna kiss your stupid face." "Go ahead."Adora starts flipping though a massive old reference book - Catra likes sitting on Adora's desk to kiss her, but she's going to have to deal without it today. "But... I'm comfy here." Adora sighs loudly at her."Honestly, what was I expecting."But she still gets up, crosses her arms, and marches across the room to stand over Catra. Slowly, Catra opens her blue eye, and then the yellow one. "Calling my face stupid and then making me drop everything for you is a real smart move when you've already admitted you want to be kissed.", Adora teases. "Fine, then. Don't."Catra smirks."Seeing as you bothered to walk over to tell me that, though..." "You're the worst." "I know I am."Catra reaches up and makes grabby hands at Adora. All at once, Adora seizes Catra's wrists and climbs over the top of her."There, is that what you wanted?" "No.", Catra murmurs, testing out Adora's hold on her and seeming satisfied when it'll let her move an inch or two but not much more. Adora tries very hard to ignore the feeling that's settling somewhere where she really doesn't want to think about. (Yet. There's time for the feeling this evening, when she's alone.) Instead, she raises one eyebrow, because she knows Catra likes it when she looks cocky."I bet it is what you wanted." "Shut the fuck up and kiss me."
["Calling my face stupid and then making me drop everything for you is a real smart move when you've already admitted you want to be kissed." - not entirely sure if this is an ambiguous line, but what Adora means is "don't antagonise me when you've already handed me the advantage in this interaction". it's a horde mindset]
[Adora]
Catra wants to leave. I can tell it by the way she's sitting, and the way she's speaking, and mostly the way she's put a hand on my leg that's pressing a little too hard to be resting there and it's really not helping with the feeling that I don't want to think about and you know maybe she feels it too and maybe that's why she's doing it and that's why she wants to leave? but maybe that's just wishful thinking? because the problem with the way she's sitting and speaking is that she looks grumpy and tired, so, yes. Wishful thinking. She's just uncomfortable here. "I'm kinda tired. Can we leave?", I whisper to her. She knows what I'm doing. But she still grabs my hand, says, "Adora's tired and we're leaving.", to a slightly-surprised Glimmer and Bow, and leads me out of the dining room. Anyone who doesn't know Catra will believe her. Anyone who does know Catra will circle back around to thinking she wants to leave, and is talking through me like a puppet. Catra, however, operates mostly under the assumption that she's an excellent liar - because she mostly is - so she won't have thought of the second point. When we get to our room, Catra pulls me along with her to sit on our bed, and then curls up tightly next to me and starts crying. Well, crap. Who was at the party? No Mermista. No DT. No Entrapta. Scorpia... maybe? "Did someone say something?", I ask carefully, petting up and down Catra's back. She shakes her head against my shoulder."Sorry. I don't know wh - I'm - just tired." "... Okay. I love you."Is she lying? Why would she be? Why wouldn't she be? I can't tell.
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"So... uh. How... how does this work?", asked Adora. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, opposite Catra, who was W-sitting. Both of them were wearing what they usually wore to sleep - that being, their underwear - and the only real difference between this and any other evening was that, today, they had decided to have sex. Catra frowned."Well, we both have to be naked, for a start."After a slight pause, she acted on the idea, pulling off her sports-bra. Adora turned away quickly, her skin feeling very warm. "You're allowed to look, silly.", said Catra. "Anyway, I've been undressed in front of you loads of times. This isn't any different." "No, it is different."Adora took off her own vest, and then, feeling that the playing-field had been levelled, allowed herself to look back at Catra."You're so pretty.", she whispered. "Yeah, sure.", muttered Catra. Then she grinned at Adora and said out loud, "You're hot, Princess." Yes, Adora could agree with that - it felt like a hundred degrees Celcius in here. Wasn't it still February? They sat, Adora awkwardly enjoying the sight of Catra, and Catra staring slightly boredly at Adora, for several minutes. Then, Catra admitted, "I don't, uh, actually know much about what- what to do. I picked up a bit from, y'know, the rumour mill, but, uh. It's got something to do with..."She picked at the waistband of her shorts, glancing up and raising an eyebrow at Adora. Adora started twisting her fingers together nervously."I... a while ago, I... uh... Bright Moon has a library. And - I realised I didn't know too much about - like - real life. So... I researched?" "Oh. Right."
[This chapter is based on an audio I first heard from a cosplay video by Halcybella on youtube, who is in fact the creator that got me to watch She-Ra in the first place. I highly recommend her videos, and all of her friends'.]
[Catra.]
You have no idea
I look at her face. I can't see her eyes, but I know they would be grey now, because her expression is calm as she sleeps. I love that face. Don't I?
what I have had to go through
I've loved her for years. We planned to live together our whole lives. I never stopped wishing for that tenuous future.
to get to where I am now
She loves me too. She told me so, and then I kissed her, because that's what people in love are supposed to do. And it was nice, I guess.
so I can look at you
And tonight - because that's what people in love are supposed to do. And it was nice. I guess.
and feel nothing.
It's warm and cosy next to her. It feels the same as always. Isn't it meant to be special? Do I even love her?
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"Ooh, what's that?", asked Netossa, leaning over Spinny's desk. Spinny picked up a rubber and erased three squares."Juliet gave me a sudoku puzzle. Can't make head nor tail of it." Grinning, Netossa stared at the numbers for a good two minutes. Then she took the rubber and removed everything Spinny had written, and jotted in a lot of 8s. Then it was 5s, and the last 8 got put in place, and then a 2 here and there, and a bunch of 9s. Spinny watched the whole process, not understanding any of it. Still, she supposed, it was good to have one partner that could juggle numbers, and one that never missed a trivia question - in their late teens, she and Netossa and their badly faked IDs had absolutely bossed Bright Moon's pub quiz scene. Finally, Netossa stopped writing, and left one square blank. She handed the pencil back to Spinny."You got it?" " 'Course." It was a 3.
[the 3 is in fact an incredibly niche reference that technically functions as foreshadowing, but only if you know exactly what I'm talking about]
[Adora]
My pencil lead snaps. Gosh-darn-it. Well, at least Bright Moon has these little round sharpeners - back in the Horde, we had to use our pocket knives. Possibly not a great idea for a bunch of five-year-olds. I reach out my foot and kick the wastepaper basket towards me, and sharpen my pencil, and then get back to writing this letter - Netossa's birthday's in three days. I still don't quite know what she does outside of the Rebellion. And nets, obviously. Catra chirps, and I look over at her. She's mending a pair of trousers for me. Except she's not any more, because she's looking at me expectantly. I put my pencil down."What?" "Can you come over here?" "Why?" She makes an irritated face."Just do it, Princess." "Why, though? I'm busy."I gesture at the letter. "Because I want you to.", she says firmly - more like a command than a request. I can finish the letter tomorrow."Alright."I wander over, and she puts her sewing aside and hugs her knees as I sit on the bed. Then, now I'm closer, I murmur, "Why?" There's a short pause."I'm cold."She's sitting on a blanket, and one of my jumpers is right next to her, and the palace has underfloor heating. I know what she means, though. I move closer to her, and put an arm round her middle, and she instantly melts into me. Carefully, I start to run my hands up and down her back under her t-shirt, because I know she likes it. Her skin is velvety soft.
[FN: "velvety soft"]
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Glimmer teleported exactly one-hundred and eighty degrees so that she was sitting upside-down on her beanbag. She kicked her feet in the air."C'mon, it's gonna be fun." "Yeah, but you said to that one soldier guy if you got it wrong it would be 'very painful'.", protested Adora. Bow biffed her on the back of the head."She was lying, silly. Anyway, I think it sounds fun." "I'm with him.", added Catra. "Just as long as we stick to stupid shallow questions only." "All righty then, majority vote! You want in, Adora?" "Fine." Glimmer necked her wine glass and drew four spells up in the air. One rushed through each person."Let me just check I did it right. Bow, when we were both, like, fifteen and I told you to wear stealth gear, what did you turn up in?" "A fake moustache." The room erupted with laughter. "Hang on, hang on, we'll go round in a circle."Glimmer pointed at Adora."Your turn." "Right. Bow, if you could have a holiday anywhere - ignoring the Team Darla thing, of course - where would you go?" "Plumeria. But I don't think you're quite getting the point. You have to ask stuff we wouldn't normally say, but obviously still, like, stupid. Catra, can you demonstrate?" "Probably."She giggled."Sorry, that wasn't my answer. Uh... during the entire span of eighth year, Adora, how many times did you do your own hair?" "Definitely less than ten. To be fair - though - you started it." "And you refused to learn how to plait. In fact, I'm pretty sure you still can't. The one person here with enough hair to style, and you still get me to do it." "Enough chit-chat.", interrupted Glimmer. "Bow's turn!" "So. Scorpia liked you, right, Catra, so did you like her back?" "Nah. I'm pretty sure Adora's the only person I've liked." "Seriously no, like, childhood crushes?", asked Glimmer. "Nope." Adora shoved her."C'mon. Everyone had a bit of a crush on Cami from Octavia's force, y'know, when she made her own outfits." "She's four years older than both of us and she failed Standard Science. Twice. For context, Scorpia passed first time like almost everyone else, and I've never actually seen Scorpia write words. Just stick figures."Catra nodded at Glimmer - her turn again. "Adora. What's the most petty revenge you ever did?"
[Opportunistic demiromanticism? Perhaps]
[This one was originally a weird short scene from another day, inspired by a random post I saw, and I just decided to tack it on here. Pretend that it's later and the truth spell's worn off or something.]
"- absolute menace." "I'd kind of like to see what it's like fighting you.", Adora was saying."Not in training, I mean, for real." "She's a nightmare.", declared Catra. Glimmer laughed."I would flatten you! Literally, I mean. Five hundred feet in the air, even She-Ra's not going to stop you pancaking on the floor." "Eh, actually-" Feeling that the conversation hadn't been thrown into chaos for quite a while, Catra said, "Are you threatening my wife?" Adora choked on her apple juice, and Bow's jaw dropped. Having achieved the desired effect, Catra grinned impishly."Just kidding. Being threatened's probably good for her. Hero complex and all."She swept a strand of loose hair behind Adora's ear. Bow - who was playing a quiet and slightly messy guitar piece - and Adora were bordering on tipsy at this point, and Glimmer was well past it. "It's a game, see?", she was giggling. "Used to see the guards playing it. You spin it twice and the two people it points at have to kiss. Not, I mean, all out kissing, unless you want to."She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Bow."Everyone playing?" Nobody disagreed. She spun the hairbrush, and it ended up pointing back at her. "It'd better land on Bow next.", declared Adora. "Yeah, it better.", said Catra. "Or let's hope you've got rid of the glitter taste." "OK, how do you know that?" "I licked her. Long story." "Oh, no, I think we've got time!" Sensing Adora's discontent, Bow interjected, "Remember the time we kidnapped her? Then. Catra was just messing with Glim." "It was - hic - so funny." "Was not!", yelled Glimmer. Adora started rubbing Catra's back."How's the only one not drinking also the only one with hiccups?" Catra shoved her off. She got the hiccups all the time anyway - Adora was just teasing - but she didn't like it being pointed out that she wasn't drinking. Sometimes she couldn't stand the smell of wine in the same room as her. disappointing insolent disrespectful Glimmer was spinning the hairbrush again. By general consensus, it was agreed not to mention the spark of pink magic that made it stop while it was pointing at Bow. He put down his guitar, and she grabbed the front of his crop top and pulled him forward, but he interrupted, "Wait wait wait - no teleporting. You're gonna leave my legs behind." Did they usually teleport while kissing? Catra couldn't imagine a less pleasurable experience. Even moreso when Glimmer was drunk - Adora'd said it made the teleports worse, even for her, and she never usually had problems. Yet another reason for Catra not to put up with alcohol. But, it made the Best Friends Sqaud happy, so she managed. Either that, or she didn't want to tell them why she didn't like it. Especially didn't want to tell Adora. Adora never knew. Bow and Glimmer, at this point, seemed fully engaged with one another, and Adora nudged Catra's shoulder and they both headed toward their bedroom. "D'you think She-Ra tastes glittery?", mused Adora. Catra giggled. The air seemed clearer out in the hallway."How have you not, in two years, found that out?" " 'Cause I don't tend to go around licking my skin? 'Cause I'd look crazy?" "Oh, yeah. True. Well, you should try it. It's great." Melog morphed into being beside Catra."Mau." "Ew. Shut up." "What's it saying?" "Nothing."
[Sometimes the omissions are more telling than the actual details. One would expect, given Catra's track record of being 100% of the cases of characters licking each other in the whole of She-Ra, that she would test the question 'does She-Ra taste sparkly'. But she doesn't even suggest it. In fact, if you choose to interpret Melog as suggesting so, she actively rejects the idea.]
[FN: "She got the hiccups all the time anyway"]
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[Catra.]
"It was terrifying!", Glimmer was laughing. "I could actually feel my heart hitting the inside of my chest. And then the -"
Oh. Hm.
Catra stops paying attention. She is busy arguing with herself.
[See what I mean? You need to already know what's happening, and you only find out later]
[The first speaker is Adora.]
"Are you alright? You've been acting weird all day." "No, I'm fine." "No, you're not alright, or no, you haven't been acting weird?" "Why would you think I'm 'acting weird'?" "Well, 'cause Bow noticed too, so what's wrong?" "Oh, now Bow's gossiping about me? Obviously, then, he's what's wrong!" Adora drew back."Seriously, though." "Nothing's wrong, Adora! We're living on a planet where there's no more war, and about to go 'round the universe where there's also no more war. Things couldn't really be better." "Shadow Weaver." Catra laughed coldly."Don't pretend either of us'll entertain a conversation about her. She's dead and gone and that's final. Unless you had something to discuss?" "Stop being confrontational. I'm going to... go and read a book for ten minutes and then you are going to tell me what's wrong." "Likely." "Fine. That's fine. I'm not your boss. I am, though, about the only person you'd ever actually talk to, so... I don't know. Whatever."
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17.03.1002
Entry submitted by Applicant Lydia of the College of Historical Study
As of season 5, episode 13 (and relying only on canonical facts), is Shadow Weaver redeemed? When initially watching Heart Part 2, wherein Shadow Weaver sacrifices her life in order that the Failsafe might be deployed, one might make the mistake of thinking that this is one of those typical Snape-style sacrificial redemption arcs. Perhaps this was even the intent of the writers. However, I thoroughly disagree that Shadow Weaver's character is in any way redeemed by the act. I raise this idea on the foundation of several points. Firstly, when reading the subtext - and the overt text - of Light Spinner, it becomes apparent that even as a 'good' character, Light Spinner never supported the authority of the Princess Alliance, and certainly did not agree with many of the decisions made by the Sorcerer's Guild. Based on this it may not be outrageous to speculate that her initial purpose, when casting the Spell of Obtainment, was to join the Horde. If that is untrue, however, it is fairly obvious that she would have attempted to usurp the Etherian authorities, and if successful, tended her leadership style toward a dictatorship. Either option demonstrates that she never had 'good' intentions.Additionally, it is important to note that, after leaving the Horde, she did not join the Great Rebellion out of choice - she states herself that she had 'nowhere else to go', at least if she wished to maintain some semblance of her power. This undermines the idea that there was some greater change in morals that led to her sacrifice.It would, therefore, be ridiculous to suggest that there was no idea of manipulation within the sacrifice itself. Shadow Weaver is intelligent, and is aware that, after the war ends (assuming a success, since a failure would mean the death of the known universe), and with Adora and Catra both in positions of power in Bright Moon, she would definitely be held accountable for her crimes. By sacrificing herself, and thus appearing to have had a change of heart, she avoids the just punishment for her actions, as well as, in fact, improving her reputation.As well as this, at the exact moment of the sacrifice, Shadow Weaver is in the same visual state as she was when earlier dying as a prisoner of Bright Moon, and is also quite literally intoxicated. It is doubtful that she is in any capacity to make a rational decision.As a final point, returning to the first, it is obvious that, by the time she reaches the Heart, Shadow Weaver still does not have 'good' intentions. She reaches out to the Heart, and momentarily becomes a parasite to it, much like she did with the Black Garnet, while her children are pretty much dying right behind her. This is a reflection of her behaviour her entire life, and strongly demonstrates that she has not changed, in any way. In conclusion, Shadow Weaver's death, while opportunistic, was clearly still calculated as a least-worst scenario, wherein her reputation was saved and the punishment for all that she did was avoided - as opposed to any sudden moral turnaround. Shadow Weaver died as she lived - a power-hungry, selfish abuser.
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"What's this?", asked Catra, holding up a floppy red thing that sat on Glimmer's windowsill. Glimmer instantly teleported over and grabbed it back, hugging it tightly."Kowl. My dad made it for me." "Okay, but what is it." Bow put a hand on Catra's shoulder. She moved away quickly."You didn't have stuffed toys when you were a kid?" "No. 'Course not. Toys are childish." Bow stared at Catra. Catra stared at Bow. "You... were a child. Children are allowed to be childish."He was starting to look worried. "Umm...", added Adora. "No, we were always told not to be childish. It's g- I mean, Shadow Weaver said it's good to be mature for your age." Glimmer took a step closer to Catra, holding out the red thing slightly."This is Kowl. My dad made it. See, it - I think it's a bird, anyway. The ears are kind of the same as the wings, but, y'know. He tried. You like it?"She gave the ear-wings a flap. Catra recoiled almost imperceptibly."Yeah, it's... cool. More Adora's sort of thing, maybe." "I could commission you two some stuffed toys, if you want.", Glimmer offered. "Tiny little Melog, or a chibbit, or, I dunno, a clone? Your choice." Adora's eyes started to sparkle slightly blue."You could make a toy Melog?" "I mean, not me, personally, but yeah." Catra crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, and started to tune out. Once Adora got invested, things could take a while.
[Adora]
"Adora." I look up at Catra. She's tipping the desk chair - just teetering on the precipice of falling backwards."Mhm?"I get up, and wander over, and stand next to her, ready to catch the chair if it falls. She lets the chair thud back onto all four legs, and hops up to stand on the desk, so she can look down at me."Don't take me seriously right now, okay?" "Okay."No idea where she's going with this. "Hypothetically. Back in the Horde. If... I left, and you didn't." "Yeah?" "Would Sh-"She runs her hands through her hair, and starts pacing across the desk. At either end, her foot arcs around through the air, and it scares me for a moment because I think she's going to step off. It's only a three-foot fall."After you left, Shadow Weaver sent me and sent Scorpia and sent shadow spies and sent raiding parties and whole Forces and war machinery to get you back." I can sense where this is going. But I'm not about to step right into the minefield that's Catra when she's trying to be open, so I'll stick to backchanneling."Mm." "And... would she? For me." No, of course she wouldn't. Catra's got to know that. Shadow Weaver made it abundantly clear that the only point of Catra's life was that I was fond of her. But I can't say that, can I? Or should I? I don't know. I genuinely have no idea whether Catra wants Shadow Weaver to have loved her or hated her. The truth is the latter, obviously, but it was so wrapped in a web of lies and love, it was hard to see at the time. It's still hard to see now. Whenever I try to think of Shadow Weaver as an abuser, there's a small part of my mind that brings up the times, few and far between, that she was nice to Catra. It's a part of my mind I've learned not to listen to, but still. And it's got to be even harder for Catra to see. In fact, her eyes are closed right now. She's taking longer, faster steps in the silence, and her heels and toes are inching over the desk's edge with every lap. She laughs, once."You're right. She wouldn't."And then she keeps going, stepping out into the empty air, and her chin hits my shoulder hard enough that I think they might both bruise, and I'm holding her so tight she probably can't breathe, and she's just limp, breathing fast. I slowly set her back on her feet, and once I'm sure she's steady, let go, and take a half-step back. She giggles."Oopsie." I cross my arms."That's not funny. I mean it, Catra, hurting yourself isn't a game. And coming up with weird questions that I can't answer isn't a game, either, so cut it out! Give me a break! I'm trying my best! You keep going on at me for taking on so much responsibility, but guess who's my biggest responsibility? Guess who's my biggest liability? You can't play with suicide! And the wors- sorry. Sorry. Crap. I was being mean. Sorry. I shouldn't have shouted." She's trembling and pale - she gets scared when I get angry - but still squares up to me, and says, "You haven't answered the question properly." "I can't ans-" "I asked you a question."She narrows her eyes slightly. "... No. She wouldn't go after you." Catra smiles coldly, and starts to head toward the bathroom."Well done. There's a brain in there after all. I'm just going to g-" "I would, though." She stops in her tracks, and, still facing away from me, murmurs, "I guess you would.", and then leaves.
[Catra tends to process her emotions through play. This can get very unsettling for Adora]
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[Glimmer.]
8:12 AM Catra and Adora are late to breakfast today, which is unusual. I'm halfway through my berry muffin when they walk in. "Sorry.", says Catra as they both sit down."I overslept." It certainly doesn't look like it - looks to me like she hasn't slept all night. She's got dark circles under her eyes and very nearly pours water onto the table."Wow, Adora.", I joke. "Why?", asks Adora, and Bow is equally nonplussed. Catra understands, though."Fuck you, Sparkles." The two cleaning staff, who are eating nearby, turn to look at us, clearly intrigued. I have too much fun antagonising Catra."I was complimenting her." "I highly doubt you have the experience to. Unless Bow's secretl-" "You leave him out of this." "What, he's too pure? You're proving my point."Catra grins at me. Adora, who's cottoned on to the subject at hand, seems intent to steer it off-course."Oh! Look! Pains au chocolat! Those are nice. To eat." "Have you ever had coffee?", Bow asks Catra, and it looks like we're talking about breakfast foods now. Great. I return to my muffin. "Yeah. Don't like it." "... Have you ever had real coffee? With milk and caramel and chocolate and all that?" "I think you're thinking of cake." "No, seriously, it's really nice. You should try it. It'll wake you up." "Hm." The conversation blurs into the background as I think about today. I know I've got to sign off on the ten extra people they need for the road to the Scorpion Kingdom, and then I've got a meeting with one of Frosta's ambassadors to talk about Snows' increased demand for fresh fruit, but I've probably got the afternoon free for my friends. Running a kingdom is slightly boring in peacetime.
[Adora.]
9:37 PM "Five." It's Glimmer's go."Two sixes." Bow and Catra allow it, but I saw the smile on the corner of Glimmer's lip."Cheat!" She turns over the cards - they are, indeed, two red sixes. "Haven't played it in ages. I'm rusty."I add the stack of cards to my hand. We all wait for a moment, and then I nudge Catra. It's her turn. She puts her hand of cards, face-up, on the floor."I'm going to bed."As she gets up, I notice that her hand is pretty good. She must be really tired - never misses an opportunity to beat Glimmer. I almost follow her, worried, but I take too long to decide, and then the door closes and it would be awkward to leave at this point. Bow notices my indecision."Let her. She definitely needs the rest."I nod. It's his turn, now."Ace." "Cheat!", yells Glimmer, and - yes, he'd put down an eight. I'm almost impressed that Bow's picked up the game at all: cheating isn't in his nature."Adora?" I jump at hearing my name, and realise it's my go. I add a couple of cards to the pile. "... What cards are those?", asks Bow, gently. "Oh, uh... one - one of them looked like a tree." Glimmer rolls her eyes."You'd think Catra was dying. Go on, go check on her. Or just turn in, actually. I think I might have a bath now." In the short distance between the sitting room and my bedroom, I pass Micah, walking the other way. He smiles at me merrily - the same smile he gives Glimmer. Glimmer, apparently, has tried several times to reason with him about Catra, and I can't help but think it's no wonder she's had no success. Properly arguing with Glimmer is no fun. Catra, when I enter our bedroom, is curled up on the comfortable chair in the near corner. I perch on the chair's arm, and squeeze her shoulder: she's a light sleeper, and that would usually wake her up. She doesn't move."Really tired, huh?", I ask her nearly-closed eyes. Still, nothing. No matter. I get one arm under her knees and one under her shoulders and pick her up. Just like on the flagship, and then soon after on Darla, I'm disconcerted by how light she is compared with some of the civilian casualties I've had to lift. Back then I'd chalked it up to She-Ra's return, and I suppose I still could now, but the fact remains that she barely eats enough. I try not to badger her about it - she's still brittle under any kind of pressure - but it worries me. I like carrying Catra around - I used to do it back in the Horde, when she got tired, and Shadow Weaver was out of the way. I put her down in bed, and she's horribly floppy and pale. Catra gets tired a lot, doesn't she? Bow was right - she really does need to rest. Why didn't I notice earlier? Why did I wake her up this morning? Why-
Take a deep breath. Look at the thoughts, and acknowledge them, and let them go past.
You don't need to be perfect; all that matters is that you're trying.
Think of five things you can hear right now.
All I can really hear is both of our breathing: mine steady and slow, Catra's shallow and fast. Wait, that's not right. When I open my eyes she's looking back at me, frowning." 'Dora? When'd I get here?"She seems to be having difficulty focusing on me. "You fell asleep on the chair so I moved you.", I reply, nervous. Maybe it was a mistake. "Oh."It takes her a minute to process."Thank you." She goes to get up, and I put a hand on her chest, pushing her back down."Nope. Absolutely not. You need to sleep."I can just about feel the rhythm of her heart - slow. Calming. " 'Kay."I'd expected her to put up more of a fight. Is she sick? I usually get sick before she does, if there's something going round, but maybe She-Ra gives me extra immunity? I feel her forehead, and then I realise that I don't exactly have many reference points for what's a high temperature and what's not. I know she would certainly object to my suggestion to anyone else that she might be ill, and scour my mind for anything anyone might have mentioned about what to do with sick people. Give them honey and tea, Bow had said, although Catra doesn't like tea and I don't think she's ever had honey. Well. First time for everything."You stay right here.", I tell her firmly. She doesn't indicate assent nor dissent, so I think she's asleep again. The evening is quiet in Bright Moon. I sort-of hope that Melog's indoors - probably be nice for Catra to have a cuddle with it - although, as usual, it'll probably be out hunting until midnight. I don't run into anyone on my way to or from the kitchens.
[FN: "slow. Calming."]
[Catra.]
She's floating in and out of focus. I'm vaguely aware I'm in bed."Adora? When'd I get here?"Weren't we just playing Cheat? And then... then... ah. Right. That again. Is it twice today? I don't know. I can't do numbers right now. "You fell asleep on the chair so I moved you."She's wrong. I don't correct her, though. "Thank you." I try to get up - I hate just lying there like a baby - but she pushes me back down. It's slightly harder to breathe, now. She doesn't know how strong she is."Nope. Absolutely not. You need to sleep." I don't want to - but it's probably true, and I can't be bothered to argue."Okay." She moves her hand from my chest to my forehead - I don't know what she's playing at. Ridiculous."You stay right here.", she says. It sounds unhappy. I'm about to reassure her; I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me; but she leaves. Stay right here. As if. I'm not even wearing pyjamas. The room lurches drunkenly as I get up, but I hold onto the bedpost until it's steady again. I refuse to add to today's tally. Today was, I'll admit, an anomaly, but it's happening far too often nowadays - I'm terrified that at some point, I won't be able to hide. I thought it was going to get better, after the war. I was wrong. I shouldn't have hoped. The only people alive that know about it are my Cadet group plus Scorpia and DT, and I'd like to keep it that way. I thought, at first, that Adora might have told Glimmer and Bow at some point, but it's such a small issue for her that I don't think she even considers it. I realise, slightly late, that I've left a set of shallow scratches on the bedpost. Oh, the jokes Glimmer would make if she saw that. I absolutely would, too, but the difference is that she's not as funny. I'm dressed, and folding the clothes I was wearing today, when Adora returns.
[remember when catra said (Bright Moon II) she doesn't like eggs? well, catra also doesn't like coffee (and to a lesser extent tea, re: Dawn)]
[Adora.]
Catra never listens, does she? She's folding her clothes one-handed, the other elbow leaning on a shelf in the cupboard. I leave the plate I'm carrying on the desk, and march up to her, and take her messily folded trousers."Evening.", she says, calmly. It only irritates me more. "Catra! I told you to stay in bed! What the heck are you doing?" "Dressing for bed."She speaks in that sarcastic monotone that she addresses Glimmer with, and that she used to use with Lonnie. I cross my arms."Go and lie down. Now." "Fine."She side-eyes the plate on the desk."Enjoy your wet bread." "It's toast with honey, and it's for you!" She's already walking away."I don't care." I'm seething - nearly about to start shouting at her, can't you see I'm trying to help you? What's the point in bothering if you're just going to keep pushing yourself to breaking point? Tell me what's wrong, damnit! Talk once in a while!, but I close my eyes, and forcibly calm down. One, two, three, four... one, two, three, four... one, two, three, four. "I'm going to shower, now.", I tell the back of her head. One ear flicks in my direction. I'm not sure how to interpret that, specifically, but I get the general sense that she wants to be left alone. And that is fine.
[FN: the whole chapter]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The perspective is a weird mix of Adora and Catra because I wrote this at like 1am. In fact I think actually it's just the undressing bit and then the water temperature and then just the tangent about hair that's Catra speaking. I'm going to leave it in because it reads pretty well and I can't be bothered to change it.
I think Catra's perspective on what she's doing with Adora would be way different though. for catra it's definitely more along the lines of messing with her just because it's funny]
Adora collapsed onto the bed."Mmmf." "What the fuck happened to you?", asked Catra, shuffling over and starting to pick twigs and leaves out of Adora's hair. "Uhh... Swift Wind, lotta trees, 'n something shiny on the ground." "Oh. Right." "And it was just a bit of scrap metal."Adora yawned, and Catra raised an eyebrow at the bloody patch on her elbow. "You're not hurt?", she asked sharply. "No." "Oh, yeah. You got your magic Princess thing to heal you."She licked her thumb and rubbed at a smudge of dirt on Adora's forehead."Does doing magic always make you tired, or?" "Uh, no. Today was just..."Adora put her hands on her face and exhaled loudly. Catra smirked."You too tired to shower? 'Cause you're kind of looking like the Great Outdoors here, and it doesn't suit you." "Ughhhh.", mumbled Adora, in reply. "How's about I shower with you."Catra wiggled her eyebrows, mock-suggestively. "Y'know.", said Adora, getting up onto one elbow, "that's not even a bad idea." "Oh. Alright then. I would say, do you want to eat first or something, but I think poor Juliet'd have a fit if she saw you walking around." "Already did. She said something mean about all the work for the cleaners." Catra laughed, and got up, and grabbed Adora's hand and pulled her up, too. She led Adora to the bathroom and sat her down on the little bench."Let's get you undressed."She grabbed the hem of Adora's shirt and Adora, too disoriented to argue, let her pull it off. Catra then removed her own shirt, so she was in an equal state of undress."You good?" Adora would rather've liked to fall asleep right then and there."Yeah. A-OK." "Hm."The next thing to go was Adora's vest and Catra's sports bra, and then both of their socks, and then Adora's trousers - ripped in one knee - and Catra's shorts, and then-"You're kind of dead walking, Adora. You sure you're good with this?" "Yeah."Adora took off her own underwear to prove the point, and Catra mirrored her. Catra stepped into the shower and adjusted the temperature, because Adora liked it warmer. Adora, in fact, showered in water hot enough to scald Satan, but Catra wasn't going to go that far. Adora followed her, and Catra turned on the water, which immediately washed off a whole lot of little bits of the Whispering Woods that were still clinging to Adora. Catra was sitting down for some reason. "What are you doing?", asked Adora. Catra grinned up at her."Sitting on the floor. It's way more fun." Adora couldn't deny that the prospect was tempting, so she, too, sat down. It seemed altogether much rainier here, and slightly colder, but she stayed, anyway. Catra leaned against Adora and trailed the ends of her claws very slowly up from her knee."So, what did you actually achieve today?" Adora's heart was beating a quick-march and all of her limited focus was on the hand hovering just over her leg."Umm. Th- there was a big rabbit thing stuck in... a bunch of vines. So we rescued it." "Oh, that's nice."Catra's other arm was wrapped around Adora's back, the hand resting too high up on Adora's ribcage not to be distracting. She was still - somehow - speaking like she was conducting a normal conversation."I sorted out some numbers stuff for Sparkles. Only 'cause Bow's away. He called, by the way - George and Lance are offering you a job." Adora choked on a bit of water that had run into her mouth."Why didn't you start with that? What? What kind of job?" "Apprentice linguist slash historian. But. Anyway." "I'm not a linguist, though! Or a historian!", panicked Adora. "Yeah, that's why it's called apprentice.", said Catra boredly. "Dumbass."She rested her hand fully on Adora's leg, at the mid-thigh, and stayed there. "Mmh.", complained Adora. Catra smiled, and leaned closer."If you want me to keep going, you have to say it in real words." Adora planted a little kiss on her nose. Catra giggled."Thought not."She moved over to the shelf, and Adora made another sad little noise, disappointed to be left alone."You okay?" "Tired." "Yeah, I know."Catra returned to kneel behind Adora, and she rubbed the bar of soap - tulip, possibly? - in her hands."After this, you can go to bed, and I'll get something from the kitchen."She [pt verb?] the bubbles into Adora's hair, which had got longer since February - not by much, but it was noticeable. Catra's hair was fairly consistently the same length it was at the end of the war, because she'd decided on a routine of cutting it slightly once every other week, to keep it off the scar. Adora always did the haircutting, even though she wasn't necessarily qualified - and it turned out alright. Better than when Catra was relying on one cracked mirror, her own claws, and a four-minute stretch of free time. The soap washed down the drain along with the last of the surface-level dirt. Adora still had mud under her fingernails and who-knows-where-else, and a feeling of slight uncleanliness all over, but she really couldn't be bothered to do any more."Done?" "Yeah. Done."Catra got up, and offered a hand to Adora. Adora ineffectually wrapped herself in a towel, and then, still damp, dressed in whatever clothes were there first. She ended up with her original vest from the Horde - still holding up, somehow - and a pair of twirly pink shorts that had been a joke present for Princess Prom, but that she's kept because they were so comfortable." 'Night.", she mumbled, and crawled back into bed.
[FN: "Catra was sitting down for some reason"]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Glimmer.]
"What are you doing? Are you alright?" "I'm fine, Sparkles." "What are you doing, then?" "Mind your own business." "I'm the queen. We're in my palace. It is very much my business if you're sitting alone in one of my meeting rooms, paler than a ghost. Do you need Medical?"Glimmer felt it was a bit pretentious to also point out that this was her medical staff, so omitted the detail. "I told you already, no. I'm lea...leaving now." "I could get Adora?" "Don't tell her. Please. Don't. I don't care if you're the queen. Adora hears none of this." "You can't just walk a!-way." Glimmer groaned and teleported down to the kitchen, where Bow was making salad.
[Glimmer sees the problem. Catra sees the problem. re: Dinner -IV - Adora does not see the problem.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Just sit there."
Catra pointed at Adora's pillow.
Adora did as she was told, and looked nervously at Catra.
"How... far are we going?"
"Well, that depends. How many hours of sleep d'you want?", Catra replied. She sat on Adora's lap, facing her, and braced her forearms against Adora's collarbones, and leaned closer - not quite close enough to kiss.
Adora cleared her throat.
"How few, is the question."
Catra smirked at her, and pressed harder into Adora's collarbones, leaning forward far enough to whisper, "Zero would be ideal, thanks.", a millimetre away from her lips.
And then she pulled back, still smiling.
Remembering that she had arms, Adora went to put them around Catra, because that seemed like a good idea, but Catra's ears flicked downward at them.
"Mm-m. Hands where I can see them, Princess."
Adora let her arms flop by her sides.
Catra kept her left forearm pressed across Adora's collarbones, but the right hand moved downward, and slid underneath Adora's vest, and across the smooth skin of the stomach, and then up, just barely touching the ribcage.
"Yes or no?"
"Yes.", said Adora, breathlessly.
Catra's hand skated across Adora's chest, and Adora gasped, and Catra giggled, pulling away again. She observed Adora for a second, and then trailed her hand slowly along Adora's waistband.
"Yes or no?"
"Yes."
More confident, this time. Catra decided she didn't like that.
She rested her right arm back across Adora's collarbones, keeping her pinned.
"You see Juliet's dinner? Three Yorkshire puddings, no gravy. Psycho behaviour, right?"
"... Off-topic.", said Adora, a little irritatedly.
"Shh. I'm talking. Juliet actually really annoys me in general. She just kind of stands by the side, doing, like, shit-all. And, who's she even friends with? Micah? Actually, y'know, fuck him, too."
Adora was about to tell Catra that neither of them, in fact, ought to do any such thing, and that really they were both engaged in the verb at hand already, and could they both please continue with that, but then Catra was standing up on the bed, walking in circles and waving her hands around.
"'Cause what kind of a bitch of a father turns up after sixteen years missing, and, like, two days after he sees his daughter again, tries to kick her friend out of her home? And then - I mean - he's practically been successful in the end. 'Cause you can't pretend that, y'know, like, some of the reason that we're moving out after we get back from space is 'cause Micah doesn't like me, and, like, I get he says he's trying, but. I have zero standards for father figures, but that's got to be below the bar. Right?"
Catra looked down at Adora, and blinked owlishly, and thought for several seconds.
"Ohh, I'm meant to be having sex with you. Right. Sorry, tangent."
She sat back on Adora's lap.
Adora crossed her arms playfully.
"That's not a proper sorry."
"My sincerest apologies, Princess Adora of Bright Moon, for getting distracted."
Catra kissed Adora gently.
"You're so hot, I would burn my eyes if I looked at you too long. Please marry me, et cetera, et cetera. There? That good?"
"I'm not impressed."
Catra slid her hand back underneath Adora's vest.
"Don't worry. You will be."
[My version of Catra is ace. More sex-apathetic than sex-repulsed, though - she sees zero/neutral value in the act itself. But the opportunity to play with control and power dynamics? That is what she enjoys. She finds it very fun to make Adora react exactly as she would like.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
Catra's not in our room, which is odd, because she said she would be, and Melog's there, asleep. So I dump the pile of paper I've been given on a side table and go and look for her. It's entirely possible I won't find her at all - but then again, that usually happens in the early morning after a nightmare, so it's entirely more possible that I will. The first place I look is the BFS's sitting-room, and the first thing I hear upon walking in is Catra's quiet purr. That's odd, though, because the only person I can see is Bow. He shushes me, and I tiptoe around to see Catra curled up on a beanbag, and Bow petting her ears. He beams at me, and points at one of his own ears, and whispers, "They're so soft!" I sit down next to him, and murmur, "She doesn't mind?" "Well, I don't think so."He pauses for a moment to listen to her purring."Your meeting overran, right? And I was getting bored. So -" he gestures at his communicator - "we were popcorn-reading a Weeping Princess fic, and while I was reading Catra fell asleep, and, y'know, I couldn't not - she's so cute. She's fluffy." "Yeah. Overran by an hour. Mermista was being totally unreasonable. And - like - Mermista's great. I love her. I don't think her intentions are wrong. But, like, she can't seriously expect Frosta to cover the massive difference between what the rest of the PA's giving her and - and you probably don't care. Sorry. This is a Glimmer conversation."I pull Catra's pinkie finger out of her mouth and rub my thumb over the slightly indented teeth marks. Just then, Glimmer bursts in."Bow, where the fuck ar- oh, hi, guys!" We both hurriedly shush her, but Catra's woken up. Bow, wisely I think, moves himself away from her as she yawns and sits up, and then leans into me, still purring. She doesn't tend to purr around Glimmer and Bow - definitely not as much as she does around just me. Bow makes a face I can't comprehend at Glimmer."How was the meeting, babe?" "Mermista was being a bitch."Glimmer falls onto another beanbag."Uh, and Scorpia was being annoying. And Frosta was teenagering all over the place. Other than that, though? Great. Oh, apart from the end of it supposed to be being at ten. And it is now -" she consults an imaginary watch - "stupid o'clock."Then, she looks at Catra, who's probably asleep again, and throws an arm dramatically over her face."Mood." I maneuvre Catra a bit until I'm essentially holding her bridal-style."Should probably go to bed." Bow smiles and raises a hand in farewell, so I get up, and head back to my room with Catra. As we're leaving I hear Glimmer say "Babe, if Adora can carry Catra you can carry me.", and Bow reply, "Probably gonna have to practise with a crash mat." I've had a while to practise. I think the first time I actually carried Catra to bed was when we were maybe fifteen? Shadow Weaver didn't like it - but that was only when we were caught.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[this little unrelated snippet first and then the actual scene]
Adora giggles when she gets back from the shower and sees the state of Catra."Are you nesting?" "No.", says Catra's stubborn voice from underneath a pile of blankets. "I'm cold. That is all." The blankets emit a suspiciously Melog-like ethereal chirp. "Would... Melog mind if I joined in?" There's a pause, and then, "No." Adora clambers onto the bed just as a ruffledly-fluffy-eared head pops out, scowling - and then Adora laughs delightedly."You're all bundled up like a bean!" "That doesn't even make sense.", Catra grumbles, lifting one side of the blankets a bit higher so Adora can cuddle in. It takes Adora approximately no minutes to get bored, and to feel a little too squashed and a little too hot, but she stays as she is in the nest, because Catra and Melog seem really quite happy with it. Catra could feel Adora's breath, warm on her collarbone. Her face was buried in Adora's hair, her fingers brushing through it. She loved being so close to Adora, and Adora - quite clearly - loved it too. Everything was dim and soft and lovely. "Wha' do you want?"The voice made Catra jump slightly - she'd been sure Adora was asleep. She wanted the moment to last forever."What do you mean?" "Well, I mean -" Adora sat up, and leaned over Catra, putting a hand on the pillow the other side of her head - "it's your turn. You tell me exactly what you want." "Mm."Catra wasn't convinced. In her opinion, it worked one way round, and not the other. And, at any rate, Adora looked tired - she'd been helping out with the deconstruction of another clone spire today."How about you just lie down again." Seeming slightly crestfallen, Adora resumed her earlier position, leaning against Catra's chest."You sure? It doesn't feel fair." Adora's hair smelled so nice. She'd recently taken to using lavender soap from Mystacor; it was a definite improvement on Bright Moon's selection of various roses, which were all a bit bland."Yeah, well, I think it does. So there. Ha." Adora giggled, and started tracing shapes into Catra's shoulder-blades. This was possibly supposed to be soothing, but it was just sort-of tickly, so Catra grabbed Adora's hand and pulled it away. It went still and pliant, and she had a sudden idea."You know what I want?" "Yeah?" Catra didn't respond with words, but moved Adora's hand up to the back of her neck. There were none of the echoes of that numb, burning feeling as Adora's fingers brushed over the scar. Catra flattened her arm against Adora's, so that the inside of her wrist was lying against the back of Adora's arm. Then, she grabbed Adora's free hand, and did the same, except with their palms together; the skin of one wrist against another; and laid the back of this arm against her stomach. It'd been months, but she was still unused to the absence of those rough, unfeeling lines. The only thing familiar about it was Adora's warmth. That had been there long before the first scars. Adora was frozen still - but whether it was because she didn't know what was going to happen next, or because she was scared to ruin the moment, Catra wasn't sure. "I love you."Adora'd said it a multitude of times this evening, but Catra hadn't - not once - until now. "Thank you for trusting me." Catra smiled. She was starting to think that Perfuma's 'voice your emotions' crap wasn't so bad. She couldn't say that out loud, though, obviously."Just go to sleep, silly."She let Adora's hands go, and went back to running her fingers through Adora's hair. "Night-night sleep-tight don't-let-the-chibbits-bite.", murmured Adora.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[for something i wrote in 10 minutes way back in june, this one turned out ok
you can kind of tell the difference between new and old scenes bc the new ones are generally longer and better]
"We have to have a proper party, y'know, to celebrate Team Darla being all arranged and ready to go." That was what Glimmer had said yesterday, and it's what had Catra sitting at the side of the Bright Moon ballroom, wearing a borrowed suit that was a size too big and dusty around the hem. Adora, of course, still had her dress from the All-Princess Ball, but Catra's own outfit from the event was doubtless somewhere under the ruins of the Fright Zone, or whatever it was called nowadays. The music was finishing, and the dancers were swapping around, and Adora approached Catra and held out a hand."You coming?" "I don't dance." "Well, you danced pretty well at Princess Prom.", argued Adora, going slightly pink. "Out of necessity." "I'm curious, what makes dancing necessary?" Catra paused, to indicate that she was purposefully ignoring the question, and then said, "I'm not dancing. One, I look stupid in this, and two, I've spent the last two years commanding an army, and you've spent them in the company of a queen. We'd be mismatched." "Just one dance. Please. Everyone else has a partner, and the music's starting - come on."Adora looked so forlorn that Catra sighed, and reluctantly agreed. It wasn't just one dance, it was four; and, despite her royal company, Adora was a fairly hopeless dancer too. By the end of the evening, Catra had set aside the suit jacket, and undone the top button and rolled the sleeves up to the elbows, which she found altogether more comfortable.
[Adora]
First things first: Catra's unbelievably good-looking in a suit. Even if it's borrowed, and not her size, and doesn't match her socks, she finds a way to pull it off. Secondarily: Catra looks uncomfortable. She keeps frowning and blinking and acting slightly too clumsy for someone with night-vision. She doesn't see to well in flashing lights, and when we were little, they gave her headaches. (Note to self: find out if they still give her headaches.) A slow dance starts, and I pull her close to my chest."Catra?", I whisper. "Is it the lights?" "Yeah." "Would it be better if I got Glimmer to turn them up, or down?" "Down." "Okay. Gimme a sec." I disentangle myself from Catra, but then her hands are around my waist and I can feel her breath against the side of my neck."Thank you."She kisses just below my ear and then lets me go. I stand there a little stupidly for a second, and then remember what I'm supposed to be doing.
[I am actually working on some fluff for late T3]
[I just find it fun to write mild smut]
[Catra]
For someone held up against the wall with her arms pinned either side of her head, Adora's looking incredibly cocky. It suits her."Admit it. You were jealous." At this juncture, I'd usually flatly deny it. The difference at this particular juncture is that we're alone."Yeah, I was.", I murmur. "Because you, Adora Grayskull, are -" I lean in closer - "all mine." "Not the other way around?", says Adora jokingly, except that the joke is lost in how breathless she obviously is. I pull away a little."By all means, try it."Then I look at her wrists. They're firmly in my hands."Oops. Guess you can't." Adora makes a little mm noise that I know means she'd rather be in bed right now, and not wearing that dress. So there's my cue to not let that happen anytime soon. I tighten my grip on her wrists for just a second before letting go entirely and pulling off my suit jacket as if I'd just walked into the room. I throw the jacket onto the armchair and half-unbutton my shirt before turning back around and feigning surprise."What are you doing, Adora? Just standing there like a lemon?"I undo another button, and her eyes follow it. Excellent."Enjoying the show?" She immediately turns away and puts her hands over her face."No. Sorry. I didn't - I didn't mean to-" "Why are you worrying? You know I'm a real show-off. When I want to be, anyway."I sit sideways in the armchair, one leg folded under me, the other sticking out over the side."Y'know, if I'd have got my claws on that stupid girl that was flirting with you, I could've put on a pretty display. Hm. You prefer flaying or dismembering?" "Catra."Disapproving. "I thought you wanted me to be jealous." "I wanted you to admit to it." I flick one ear at her."I have a lot of stuff I can admit to, if so you please." She walks over and perches on the chair's armrest."Yeah. I'd like that." "Well, for starters."I finish unbuttoning my shirt, for the pure reason that Adora will like it."For starters, I love you, Princess." She smiles softly. "I like your muscles. They're cute."For effect, I poke her bicep. She grabs the hand as I'm pulling it away."And I like your claws." I raise an eyebrow."I thought we said 'not the other way around'. Do you need reminding?"I might be sitting lower down, and more tired, and have my shirt open, but I'm the one in control. "Maybe.", she hedges. "Adora, if I ever told Sparkles how weird you actually are, she might just have a stroke."I put my hand on Adora's leg, and dig the claws in slightly. Another mm noise. "Now, this one might be left-field, but - you're super hot."One thing I absolutely won't say is that my personal opinion of Adora tends much more toward 'pretty' than 'hot'. I'm not sure how to quantify 'hot' in people that aren't me. "Yeah, and so are y-" "What did I say? One-way system." "Or what?" I look at her, surprised, for a couple seconds, and then laugh."Damn, Adora. What did you have at the party?" "Uhh... two glasses of champagne maybe? Sorry. It just seemed polite. I know you don't like alcohol. I can go brush my teeth if y-" "No, no, it's fine. If anything, I'd say do it more often. I like bold Adora."I re-adjust so that my head is leaning against her side."I can give you an or what if you want, but then I feel like you'd keep breaking the rules on purpose~." Adora shrugs. I grin up at her."Fine. If you try to turn it around again, you have to stay silent for the rest of the time. Not just no talking - silent." "That's not fair." "Well, I could set it as that I'll draw this out longer than the history of the universe, but you know I'll do that already." Adora pouts."I want to go fast, though. It's, like, 2AM."I'm pretty sure she might have had a bit more than two glasses of champagne. "Tough. Sleep takes second desk, and I'm having fun."
[Glimmer's teleport has improved a lot over the years. Back when she first learned how to teleport other people (read: Bow) as well as herself, it resulted in about ten minutes of dizziness for the both of them. By now, it only crops up when she's drunk or very tired, and she herself has mostly got used to it. (I could word it as 'Glimmer's less sensitive to / prone to dizziness' but that's when I'm explaining Catra+teleporting)]
[Bow]
"No no no - Glim - please no 3AM drunk teleporting -" She holds my arm in a vice-grip, says, "We gotta go get Catra'n'dora! It's'r fav'rite song! We're having a party'n they're missingit!", and teleports us again. I take several deep breaths to get over the nausea. Then, I open my eyes: Catra and Adora are nowhere to be seen among the few guests that are milling about the garden."Gimmer, babe, love of my life, how's about I go look for them on foot-" "Nnnope!"We teleport again. The first thing I register, still working through the effects of drunk-magicking, is Adora's scream, and then the sound of a blanket, and - once I can see properly - Catra, very much wearing nothing but her sleep shorts, stalking toward us. I throw a hand over my eyes and Glimmer's."Oh my word I'm so sorry Glimmer's had a bit too much to drink we did not mean to barge in like this." Glimmer pulls my hand away from her eyes."Wow, you're, like, hot." "Aw, thanks, Sparkles.", says Catra. "You're drunk, huh? We could have some fun with that. Board games?" "We're kinda busy already!", Adora screeches. "And my pyjamas aren't on me, crucially!" "Oh, grow up, Princess.", Catra calls back. I grab hold of Glimmer's shoulder and take a blind step backwards."I think we should maybe just leave, uh, leave you two to, uh."I lean in close to Glimmer's ear."I will personally make you a strawberry ice-cream cake if you get us out right now." Glimmer shrugs."Nice boobs!", she tells Catra, and then we teleport to wherever - I don't care - as long as it's not there. I uncover my eyes. Only to see Mermista and Sea Hawk, in the middle of a fountain, clearly interrupted from the middle of a heated kissing session, staring back at us. Glimmer giggles, and points at Sea Hawk."Bow thinks you're cute." Mermista smirks, and I just about die on the spot.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora. Also present is Catra.]
[The first speaker is Adora.]
"Are you sure?" "Yes. Absolutely." She bats at my hands, and I realise that I was picking at the corners of my fingernails again. Bad habit."I think it was a bad idea. I should have just told her that. I'm so stupid." "No, no, it's fine."She finishes plaiting my hair, and I turn around to face her."It'll be fun."She kisses me. I brush my fingers over her scar, and she doesn't react at all. A month ago I would have been nervous to to that - scared to bring back the memories again and give her more nightmares - so maybe... maybe it will be fine. Even fun. [Glimmer.] I balance my staff in the crook of my elbow and crack my knuckles. After our two-month break, we've all decided that in preparation for our first stop, we ought to refresh on our clone-fighting skills. We are sparring in pairs, taking three-minute turns, and the winner is the first one to hit (not really hit; actual injury is forbidden) the other in the back of the neck. And it's mine and Catra's turn. This'll be fun. Everyone else is sitting against the wall, spectating, and Bow's holding a stopwatch. "Not overzealous, please. I like my crew to have fully functional spinal cords.", Netty reminds us, yet again. True, it's her job - she's the doctor onboard - but it's getting irritating. I cross my arms and glare at her."Your crew?" She waves a dismissive hand. Catra smirks at me."Ready, Sparkles?" I raise my staff. "Go!" She darts to the right, and I pivot, stepping back, ready to jump forward - but I don't, because she took a step back to mirror me, meaning even my staff can't reach her. For several seconds, we both wait, to see who'll move first. I do, running forward like my staff is a jousting pole, forcing her to move out of the way - but she dodges toward the door; I've unwittingly put my back to her; so I spin. She's only a couple of feet from me, and it's another stand-off. I'm judging how to corner her - and she disappears. I turn around, wondering where she's gon-
Thunk.
"Shit, sorry."I've accidentally hit her, rather hard, with the hilt of my staff. " 'S'okay."She's standing just behind where I was - probably about to win - holding the left side of her jaw. Adora's suddenly there."Are you alright?" "Mhm."Catra moves her hand - there's a red mark from her ear to her jaw, and closer to the ear, a shallow cut. She licks her hand and wipes at the side of her face, only really successful in making it look a lot worse than it is. "Sorry.", I say, again. "Why?" "You're bleeding!" "Hardly."Catra's always rather blasé about these sorts of things. I have my suspicions as to why.Adora starts glowing - using her healing power - but Catra pushes her hand away."Don't fuss." "Just let me heal you-" "No." Looking slightly upset, Adora sits back down with the audience. Catra grins impishly at me. She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted. "Your turn's over.", says Bow, holding up the stopwatch. We both sigh, and check the tournament diagram. Catra goes to sit down, replaced by Spinny. This'll be boring. I've been training with her since I was twelve. Less than a minute later, I see Adora healing a begrudging Catra.
[I feel that we are far enough into the story for a reminder to be useful: what a character sees and interprets to be true is not the same as what is actually true.]
[For example, Glimmer hears Catra refuse to be healed, and therefore interprets that when Catra later is healed, she is 'begrudging'. This is not true. Glimmer is missing the fact that for Catra, there is a clear distinction between being healed when about to start fighting again, and being healed when resting, this distinction being that the former is undesirable while the latter is net neutral.]
[Fun fact related to Netty's earlier comment: Catra actually has a surprisingly stable c-spine due to the chip hardware]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The word was carved twice into the wall - once, huge, high above, adorned with faded and flaking paint, cracked along the left address so that it read as an accusative. It appeared for a second time at elbow level just beside the archway, a plain indentation into stone - a signpost. Adora ran her fingers over it.
ia Eterne.
Place of forever. She giggled at the irony, and Catra, Glimmer, Bow, and Entrapta stared at her."Sorry. It's just - it's just funny. Eternia, and it's... well..." Ruined. They were standing before the remains of some great hall, at the head of a street lined with crumbling buildings. Nature had firmly staked its claim already: vines wound around columns, and moss blanketed the ground. There were none of the familiar sparks of magic floating around, however; no curious eyes of animals, and no movement aside from a silent breeze. Glimmer tapped her staff on the ground, twice, as a sort of rallying motion."Well, let's not stand around." "Yes! Data!", cheered Entrapta, turning from where she had been taking samples of the plant-life and hurrying through the archway. Glimmer followed her, holding Bow's hand. Adora offered her hand to Catra, who smirked at her but didn't uncross her arms. She still refused to engage, really, with Adora when she was She-Ra. They wandered into an entrance hall, which was designed much like the Crystal Castle but choked with dust and flora, the colours muted, the echoes of footsteps cold. From there it was straight onward to a rather more plain but not any less dilapidated. Each large door, spaced far apart, was labelled with a number above a name.
One
General Sylvia
Adora pushed the door, and it swung open easily. She stepped inside, leaving the others to stop Entrapta trying to run away from the group. There was a narrow cloakroom, nearly empty of whatever remained of coats and shoes. After that, an airy living room - and, mysteriously, a broken statue, that looked to have fallen off a table by another door. It led to the dining room. Light streamed in through the tall windows, illuminating the dust that swirled in the air. The silence was cloying in here as Adora surveyed the scene: it looked to be the interruption of a dinner party. Plates, glasses and cutlery - the food long rotted away - sat on the table. At each place with a setting, the chair was haphazardly pulled out, as though the guests had left in a hurry. "You might want to come see this."Adora jumped, and steadied herself on the table, as Bow walked in. She followed him, wiping the dust off her skirt, out into the corridor - where only Catra stood, rubbing at her nose, Glimmer seemingly having run off with Entrapta - and to another door."That says 'M-a-r-a', right?"
Four
Mara, She-Ra
Five
Serenia, Carver of Worlds
Adora nodded at Bow, who nodded back, and she walked into number four. There didn't seem to be locks on the doors here. The cloakroom was empty. The living room was Spartan in its furnishing, as was the dining room, and what turned out to be the bedroom, and all the other rooms too. Curious, Adora checked the wardrobe and drawers - nothing. The whole place looked unoccupied. Serenia's flat was identically costumed: there were even still protective films on the diamond-shaped wordplates that lined the walls; and they all seemed to be standard phrases, too. Nothing custom like in some of Darla's corners.
Balance. Peace. Trust. Calm. Responsibility. Love.
Thoroughly disappointed, Adora headed out, to where Bow was teasing Catra for her sneeze. "It's cute. You are so cute. C'mon, just accept it!" "I will rip out your trachea and burn your bones to cinders, if you dare-" "Glimmer thinks you're cute, too!" "Yeah, you think her - hey, Princess - head would look good on a spike? 'Cause I - atchoo! - no, don't even. 'Cause I think it would." Adora absent-mindedly took hold of Catra's hand in the way that she'd now entombed into habit - sliding her fingers down the inside of Catra's wrist first, so that Catra would know it was her. There had been a few too many slip-ups with Glimmer's teleportation back in Bright Moon."Where've the others got to?" Catra bristled and pulled away from Adora. "Entrapta's looking for a server room.", replied Bow. "Judging by the state of... everything else, the tech'll likely be unusable, but..."He pointed to a dot on his tracker device."They're roughly seventy-two metres northeast of here, and four metres elevated."He left a short silence, as a means of asking Adora whether they were good to leave this part of the building or not. Adora shrugged, and headed back to the entry hall. As she passed the thin vines that spidered across the wall, she ran a hand over them, and watched them brighten almost imperceptibly with the touch of magic - it made them look more at home.
[Why do the First Ones line their walls with words (either directly or on geometric plates)? Well, the first reason is the same one that motivates middle-aged women to put up 'live laugh love' posters, except maybe with a religious/spiritual edge to it. The second reason is that, like for much of our modern history Latin has been the language of the scholar, formal/written First Ones acted as an art form - it was the language of the artist as well as being functional.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
There's a splintering noise and then something flies across the room. It settles on the floor. Half a pencil, and it's left a dusty grey line where it hit the door. I look up at Catra. She's sitting at the desk, leaning back, hands on her face. The other half of the pencil is lying on the page in front of her. "Catra, ar-" "I'm wrong in the head, aren't I?", she interrupts. "I can't do this fucking - the fucking - the numbers aren't - shut up." I put my book aside and go to kneel next to her, keeping one eye firmly on her claws."What's wrong?" "I can't work like this. Shut it up." I cast an eye around the room. Catra's got sensitive ears. Is it the electricity? No, Entrapta would’ve noticed and fixed it."Shut what up?" "Go away."She leans forwards, and puts her head in her hands. "Catra, what's wrong?" "What's wrong is I'm a fucking lunatic."She throws the other half of the pencil over her shoulder, and picks up a pen, and turns a new page, and starts to write. you are brokenleft youdo ityou're clevera defect, a mistakenever were cut out for itso work it out clever girlyou drive them awaybrokentell her you're brokenstop lyingjust tell herleft youtell heryou deserve to h She stops writing, suddenly, and glances at me, and raises her eyebrows. I go back down the list. 'Broken' - one of Shadow Weaver's. Same with 'clever'. The rest, I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure 'left you' is about me, and I'm pretty sure 'do it' is about... something I don't want to dwell on."Are these... memories?", I ask, quietly. She shrugs slightly."S- some of them."Her voice is nervous. I read back through the list."Intrusive thoughts?" She's really pale. Looks almost dizzy - with stress? Fear?"Maybe." I scan the list again. 'Do it' is the only one with a self-harm kind of feel - and I'm not even sure about that - so I think I can leave that alone for now. 'Tell her you're broken' - well, I think it's safe to say that whatever she's doing now is that. And that seems to be going... not terribly, certainly. ‘You deserve to h’ - ‘h’ what? Have something? Hate something? Hurt something? Handle something? "Just make it stop.", she murmurs. I stay exactly where I am. I can't move away and I can't move closer. My communicator's a metre and a half away - too far."Is there anything I can do to make that happen?" She doesn't respond. "Catra?" Her head hits the desk, and then one arm, and then the other, upsetting the pencil pot. Is that...? I shake her shoulder. I think she's passed out. She hasn't done that since we were fourteen. Or maybe she's been hiding it since we were fourteen. I wouldn’t be surprised. Either way, all I can do is sit around and wait until she wakes up. It’s only a couple minutes. It’s fine.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
All of Team Darla had been summoned to see it. They gazed out of the window, at the sight of Etheria's galaxy. It was a mix of vibrant yellows, reds, blues and whites, scattered haphazardly across the dark sky in a great swirling formation, making in its entirety an almost indistinguishable shape, blurred at some edges and sharp at others. "Etheria is somewhere... there."Bow pointed at a dim cluster of spots of light."Just a bit upwards of the bright one. See? In fact, I've designed a telescope arrow-" Glimmer put a hand over his mouth."Shut up. We're trying to enjoy the view." Bow decided to silently enjoy the maths. It was unimaginably unlikely that six Etherians would ever have got to see this - even less, that they did so entirely at peace. The only predictable thing, perhaps, was their Etherian behaviour: Netty with an arm around Spinny, Glimmer leaning against Bow, and Catra and Adora holding hands. Surprisingly, Entrapta appeared from behind a wall panel. She usually didn't respond to summons."Hi. How - how's space? Um... can I join in?" "Of course."Even though it wasn't really necessary in such a large room, Bow shifted to the side a bit to invite Entrapta, who held onto the console as she stared at the galaxy, squealing with joy. She pulled out her recording device, aimed the camera at the image, and it clicked again and again as she photographed it from infinitesimally slightly different angles. Eventually, when she was done, she stepped back to join the rest of the team. Bow looked back to the galaxy, searching through it for any other planets he knew - an embarrassingly short list of Krytis, Erythos, Silax, Eternia, and that big tree that used to be Prime's flagship. In fact, Bow wasn't sure if anyone knew or cared where that tree had- "Get off me!" Catra was storming out of the room before Bow could see what'd happened. Adora clearly had no idea, either, but Entrapta looked just a little mortified. Spinny took charge, walking over and leaning down to be at eye level with Entrapta."Can you tell me what just happened?" Entrapta's hair was fidgeting uncomfortably behind her."Catra said I was her friend. And- and she holds hands with her -" Entrapta pointed at Adora - "so I copied it because Catra has a probability of one of responding positively to the gesture. But, uh, she got... angry." "Copied it... exactly?", asked Adora, carefully. "Yeah, 'cause-" "Oh, no, that's not - that - she-"Adora was heading toward the door."You can't just touch her wrist, it - um - yeah, no." "It's OK. You didn't know."Spinny drew Entrapta into a hug. Glimmer was frowning, her arms crossed. She never liked when Catra had a 'moment', primarily because Adora always followed her out - Bow'd been told this a hundred times over, in impassioned late-night rants, and he couldn't help but feel that she was being a tad unfair.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[This chapter flip-flops in perspective between Adora and Catra. You'll be able to tell who's speaking.]
[In fact this chapter is really erratic overall - don't worry it is on purpose]
The first thing Adora noticed was the silence. The utter absence of any sound that wasn't her own steady breathing. Glimmer stopped beside her, making a face that was almost disgust. She'd clearly noticed, too, the second main feature of this planet - the dead feeling. Not a spark of magic. And it was weird, because the place didn't look like your typical dead planet - it wasn't, by any stretch of the imagination, verdant, but it wasn't a pile of dust either. Adora crouched down and put a hand to the grass. It felt rough and unnatural. And there was nothing - not one trace of the stubborn life that everything living had. Adora kept searching, but it just wasn't there. She tried, experimentally, to push some magic into it, but it was acting more like stone than grass. It didn't seem like anything dangerous was happening, though. The only thing moving - a lazily drifting sky - looked peaceful. Adora beckoned the team."We should check out a clone spire."Like most other planets, these spires dotted the landscape. Notos' looked like an old design. Really old, actually. "Guys?", called out Entrapta. "Don't mean to alarm you, but this grass isn't grass." Everyone immediately hopped onto one foot, or on tiptoes, not that it was going to make much of a difference in the case that the ground turned hostile. "What is it?!", yelled Glimmer, waving the end of her staff at it threateningly. "It seems to be an ethylene polymer." Bow suddenly stopped panicking, and at the sight of that, so did everyone else. He marched over to Entrapta, arms crossed."Start with the non-threatening bit first, please." Entrapta nodded, contrite, and Team Darla began to walk.
[I didn't mean for this to be an environmental commentary but now I guess this is the humans' (First Ones') planet of origin, dead and covered in plastic grass, sooo.....]
"Melog found it.", mumbles Catra. She's being skittish today for no reason. "Thank you."I hold my sword out to Catra."Can you hold onto this for a sec?"It isn't actually necessary - I can just make it disappear if it's inconvenient, like Glimmer can with her staff - but I don't know if I'm allowed to touch Catra right now, although I do know that she likes my sword. Even the old one - before the portal, I saw how she held it when she thought I wasn't looking. Almost lovingly, but I'd refused to think about it at the time. "Sure."Melog's slightly larger than it's usual size, and Catra's keeping one hand on its back. I run a hand over the plant's stem. Yep - somehow, in the darkest basement corner of a Horde spire, some living thing has managed to thrive, just barely. Like I've practised on the other planets, I focus on channeling magic through its veins, into whatever soil it's planted itself in, and out through the roots that wrap - hopefully - around Notos' crust. I love this feeling: the way the magic runs through my blood and over my skin in currents, and the atmosphere around me blossoms into life. I've been told that I glow while it's happening but I've never seen it.
beep beep beep
I jump, startled, and pull out my mobile communicator. It's Glimmer. Catra watches the screen from behind me - she's definitely leaning on Melog, which is odd. "Adora? Where are you? Get somewhere safe underground. Entrapta says there's about to be a big storm." "We're underground, yeah. Where are you? Is there-" Entrapta cuts in from Glimmer's side."The barometric pressure's been dropping pretty fast since we arrived, but it suddenly fell significantly just now, centred around your location. It's absolutely fascinating. I think this planet has very volatile-" "Stay exactly where you are.", interrupts Bow. "You're in the eye of the storm. We're going to try and ge- -t move unti- -Darla's outside the radius so-" "The signal's bad. Can you repeat that?" "-at? You're br-" "I can't hear you." "-ear what you're sayi-" The call disconnects. I press Glimmer's little pink icon again, and an error pops up. Bow, Entrapta, Spinny, and Netty all fail too. Catra sighs."Well. I guess we're stuck."Stabbing the end of my sword slightly into the floor, she sits down against a wall, and Melog curls up beside her. "We've been stuck-er before."I sit next to her. "You're not trying to go after the others? They're in the actual storm part of the storm." "Eh. They can look after themselves... I think. Hey, but my hero complex must be rubbing off on you."Forgetting myself for a second, I give Catra a little playful shove. "Ow.", she hisses.
Who do you think let the Princesses in?
I have bent its people to my will.
Sometimes, you regret saying something before you've even finished saying it. It's that horrible oh shit moment when you realise that everything is about to unravel and you can't do anything about it because as soon as you have realised - it's done. "Ow.", I mutter. "Ow.", she hisses. Melog growls, its mane tinged with red. It used to do that a lot more, and a lot more aggressively - especially at camp before the end of the war - but Catra's got better at controlling how much it shows, and I'm not sure if I like that. It feels kind of like she doesn't trust me. Which is understandable, completely understandable, but I trust her, but then again she needs to be secretive; it's a survival mechanism; but I want- but I'm getting carried away in my thoughts and I'm She-Ra right now which Catra won't like and I'm definitely too close to her. I turn back into myself and move a full two feet away."Sorry. I'm so sorrry. Are you OK? Sorry, I wasn't thinking-" "I'm fine."Her left ear swivels forward again, toward me. Her eyes are darting between me and random spots on the floor. There is a long silence."I'm fine."Melog is calm again. Catra still looks pale. "Do you want me to go further away, stay here, or move closer?"I want her to say move closer: not - no, definitely not because I'm being selfish and I want to be near her, but because she's pressing her claws into her knee and it's making me very nervous. "Do whatever you like.", she replies, smiling at me briefly. I shuffle closer until I'm sitting cross-legged in front of her. I breathe, for a couple of seconds, using Perfuma's technique, because Catra's happier when I'm calm."Is it claustrophobic here?"Rogelio was always the claustrophobic one: Catra likes small spaces. But I can see how this is scary - it's Horde architecture, even if it's rather more utilitarian than Prime's later designs, and leans heavily into the grey of his green-grey-white colour scheme. She stares at me for a second, like she doesn't quite understand. Then, "No.", she replies, measuredly. "Does it remind you of the flagship?" "It's more like the Fright Zone."Melog chirrups, and Catra gives it a disdainful look. "Does this planet have, just, like, a bad vibe to you? 'Cause it does for me." "Kind of."Her hand tightens around her knee and my stomach flips over for a millisecond."Not really, though. I don't... it's not... I don't know. It's nothing." "I feel like the storm's a bit of an omen, though. Straight after the magic I put in." "It was going to rain anyway."Catra's always had a sort of sixth sense for bad weather. It saved our Force from muddy clothes on countless occasions. I grab my communicator and try everyone again. Still no signal."We could... always..."Something's caught my eye. I scoot over to the carving on the wall. Grey shadow against grey stone, it's hard to see, so I grab my sword from where it's stuck in the floor and hold it above to provide illumination. Peace, it says. "Hey, Catra? Come over here. See if you can read this."It's the perfect distraction, and I'm trying to teach her First Ones anyway. She joins me and traces the mark with one claw."It's an... object?"I nod."/p/. /i:/. /f/?" "No, /s/." "/s/. Peace." "Yeah." "Like on Darla. On some of the walls." "Hey, there's another one!"I go over to the wall beside where the plant's growing. There's a small collection of words here. Joy. Calm. Light. Hope. The last two throw me for a second, but it's a coincidence. They're scattered around - I just read them in that order by accident. I decide to follow this room's perimeter, searching for more engravings, and find a whole set of sentences close to the floor, in a curling, old-fashioned script. There is no way out. Let go of your morals. Let go of your attachments.
Let go.
"Catra? Uhm. Is... is it possible that we're in a prison?"My voice is shaking. Choked. I feel Melog against my back. "You didn't notice?"Melog steps onto my lap, curling around me. I shake my head and glance at the door. It's open, of course, as I left it."I forgot you don't know what the inside of a cell looks like." Oh, that's what's making Catra nervous. Why didn't I think of it? Am I that stupid? I shouldn't have- calm down. Deep breaths."We should leave." "OK."I'm pretty sure she's putting on a tone of voice like she's concerned about me. Meanwhile, I'm planning to have a little midnight feast - all her favourite foods - ready for when she wakes up with a nightmare. We're such a mess. I'm such a mess. I'm a bad girlfriend. There's a stack of crates in a little alcove off the corridor, and we both sit on top of one while Melog nestles into a gap behind one crate. "How long does a storm usually last?" I shrug."Like, an hour?" "Hm."She's flexing her hands - claws, fists, claws, fists. We haven't fought anything all day; the place is abandoned. "I got stuck in the Crystal Castle once 'cause of a spore storm."I was alone that time, too. Well, apart from..."And I spent the whole time trying to help Light Hope. And - and if I'd just known - 'cause-" "Well, I spent the whole time yelling at people to put up with it and keep working. At least you thought you were doing something good." I rub my eyes, trying to stop the tears."I hate Light Hope. I hate her so much. She was the first one that told me to let go. And I shouldn't have done be- because if I'd just tried harder then I could have got you to join the Rebellion and then- and Shadow Weaver, when Light Hope was gone, Shadow Weaver took over and she was telling me to let go but I don't want to - I want to be with you - and -"I can't speak any more. Melog, the size of a house cat now, is perched on the edge of the crate, leaning against me. "What's got you all worked up?", asks Catra gently. I point back at the room - the cell - with the words on the walls. "Don't like being trapped?" I'm a bad girlfriend. Catra's got her own problems - way worse than mine - she was chipped, for heaven's sake - she was tortured - why am I acting like such a baby when all it is is words on a wall? I can't support Catra is I can't handle some stupid words. I can't be She-Ra if I care too much about myself but I can't be She-Ra if I hate myself so what am I supposed to do? why can't I help Catra why can't I do anything right where's Shadow Weaver why can't I fix her nightmares i'm a bad girlfriend but im trying my best i cant breathe i can t b reat he Adora sounds more like she's drowning than crying. It's that horrible gasping sob that I used to hear on the rare occasions that Adora got punished. I rub my hand on her back, and Melog manages to squash itself into her arms so that she's hugging it. Her communicator is on the crate behind us. No signal, except that Entrapta's call actually loads for a couple of seconds before erroring. That's progress, right? Maybe the storm's calming down, or maybe the others are getting closer. "I'm here, Adora.", I tell her, in case she can't feel my hand. I would have given anything to feel her - even her blood running down my fingers, when- I am mine. I am in control. Just barely. She's still lost; still crying. I swivel around, and lean my head against her shaking shoulder."I'm here. You're safe." Maybe ten minutes pass by. I keep muttering platitudes, and slowly, she's petting Melog rather than sobbing into it. Melog can't get physically dirty or wet, but there's still a hint of mild distaste alongside its double concern. It wants me to tell her - and I'm absolutely not going to. I got close enough by accident earlier. Adora's got enough to deal with, anyway. I'm not quite sure what's upset her, or how the prison relates to 'Light Hope'. Glimmer filled me in on the details of that side of things, and I've got to agree with her professional opinion that the First Ones were a 'bunch of meddling fucks on a power trip'. All except Adora, that is. Melog's soft, amorphous mane is in my face and Catra's hand is on my back and it's probably Catra's head on my shoulder too, then. "It's going to be fine.", she whispers, but it's loud: right next to my ear. Melog is a comforting weight to wrap my arms around. My face is buried in it but I can breathe right through it, like it's made of cuddly air. I can't really remember where I am but it doesn't seem to matter. "I love you." The words are like an anchor. I am Adora. I am Catra's girlfriend - not the other way around; she's made that clear. The memory makes me smile. I am with the good guys.
beep beep beep beep
Catra's head leaves my shoulder."Bow! You OK? Is the signal alright - can you hear me?" "Yeah, it's good. Your end?" "A-OK." "Great. The storm's settled down - it was just a weird atmospheric thing. Entrapta thinks th-" "Let me explain my own hypotheses. Please. The Horde, I think, installed some technology in this planet's core to stop the magic they were siphoning from clinging to... well, basically anything on the surface. Are you following? Good. So She-Ra just overloaded its system with magic, and the system got... angry, and that was the storm. The planet didn't get any of the magic. It's dissipated into space. Right, did you understand that?" "Are you two OK down there? Can you get back to Darla yourself or d'you need rescuing? 'Cause I'm in the mood to kick some ass." "I'd be worried if you weren't spoiling for a fight, Sparkles. You'll be disappointed. It's completely empty. But..."The hand on my back re-adjusts."Yeah, could probably do with a rescue." "Is Adora OK? Is she there?" "She's... upset? Don't worry, she's fine, just needs a minute - don't make a big deal out of it, pl-" I force myself to speak."Panic attack."Not sure if they can hear me. Was I saying real words? I'm dimly aware that they're not words that should happen to She-Ra. Bow taught them to me. "Oh, OK. I'm tracking your location. We'll be right there. If you can, could you stay on the line?" "Sure." On the way back to Darla, I've got Glimmer and Bow fussing over me. Not really overtly fussing, but they're being a lot more careful than they would be otherwise. The few times I glance backwards, I see Catra still leaning on Melog, and then I get worried and then Glimmer and Bow - carefully watching me - jump in to provide a distraction. And I can't really extricate myself from walking with them because I'm still numb and disoriented.
[A note on the line "Catra's happier when I'm calm" - it's causation and correlation, but mostly correlation. It's actually more the eye colour than the demeanour.]
[The only time I use struckthrough text like this is {A) in written documents where the words are actually crossed out} and {B) in Adora's thoughts}. The latter is essentially because she is bad at lying to herself and cannot subconsciously repress thoughts like Catra can.]
[I genuinely can't tell if I've made it way too subtle, or I'm punching you in the face with the fact that [FN:] Catra's sensitive to barometric pressure changes. What do you think]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
9:22 AM Spinnerella had owned a cat when she was younger. It had lived to nineteen, and then crawled under her brother's bed to die. That wasn't uncharacteristic of it - it had always been a spiteful old creature, picky about its dinner and unreceptive to anybody but Spinny's brother petting it. She'd been thinking about it rather a lot, lately, because it reminded her of a particular someone. Catra, of course, tried to pretend that she was more than a glorified mouser, but that didn't help the fact that she sat on Adora's lap and purred and emoted with her ears and scented with her hands and face and really secretly liked being petted. And, much to Spinny's delight, kept a close eye on the bals of wool every time Spinny was knitting out in the control room or the kitchen. As a gesture of gratitude to the fact that Catra had never actually attacked her wool, as Melog was wont to do, Spinny was doing something that her brother had taught her: gluing twine all around a bobbin, and a ribbon for a tail, and felt pieces for the chest and wings, and a long string to the top because a bird isn't really a bird unless it can be made to fly. And she decided to give it to Adora, because Catra, being such a spiteful old creature as Spinny's childhood cat, would probably get angry over it.
[See? I can write normal prose. I just choose not to most of the time]
[Adora]
11:20 AM "Are you playing with the thing that's been trying to kill us?", asks Glimmer, stopping in the doorway. I tug on the string, and the toy robin bounces forward a bit, and Melog pounces on it - but it's hard not to notice Catra watching the robin intently, pupils dilated, ears tilted forward. She's pretty."She has a name, y'know. And she's been working real hard on the whole murder thing." Catra flips a middle finger at me, but doesn't stop staring at the robin, which is now being thoroughly mauled by Melog. "Bow's doing lunch.", Glimmer announces. "I'm bored."She sits on the floor next to me, and then looks at Catra for a moment."Pspsps-" "Fuck you." Glimmer giggles. "When she thinks no-one's looking she chitters at mice and birds.", I whisper to Glimmer. Catra, still watching the robin, points a finger at me."When she thinks no-one's looking she practices leaning in for a kiss in the mirror." "I - I do not!"When did she see that? Which mirror? Was it when I was doing stupid faces or cute faces? Glimmer, at this point, laughs loud enough to startle Melog, and Catra scoots forward to snatch the toy robin off it. She's looking at the robin in a way that suggests she'd very much like to put it in her mouth, but she seems to decide against it, and dangles it by the string above Melog instead. I should get her a snack, maybe. 9:56 PM "No, 'dora, stay here.", murmurs Catra when I start to pull away from the cuddle, and I'm half-tempted to obey, but three-quarters-tempted to act on the impulse I've just had. The air's way too cold against my skin - should I put my pyjamas back on? - but I go over to the desk and hide something in my palm, and then I get back in bed, and Catra's cuddling me again. It's new, in the past couple months, that she's quite like this when she's sleepy, so I think it must be a good thing. It certainly helps with the cold, anyway. I wrap the string around my index finger and toss the robin somewhere onto the blanket. It takes a few seconds of wiggling to get Catra to focus, but then she looks like a slightly softened version of how she did earlier. She reaches lazily for it, and I pull it away, so she makes a discontented noise."Gimme." "You're gonna have to catch it." "You're so mean."But she grabs faster for it this time, and catches one claw on the ribbon tail before it just-about escapes. I watch her eyes. I like when her pupils are all big like this. Of course, that could just be because it usually happens when... well, when this evening, I suppose. This evening was lovely. She makes a second grab for the robin, and this time manages to catch it. She grins."See? You're not the only thing I can top." "That doesn't even make sense.", I mutter. "Does it have to?"She unwinds the string from my finger, tosses the cat toy on the floor, and goes back to sleepily kissing and occasionally lightly biting my collarbone. It helps me sleep, of course. Not at all distracting. At all.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tonight, for dinner, it was bread rolls and soup, made by Spinny. Once more Entrapta had managed to sneak away with her many tiny portions, and neglected to turn up in the control room, where the rest of the team sat on the floor eating (it had been decided that a table would take up too much space, and, at any rate, would move around the room if the ship flew too ambitiously - it was, however, the existing presence of a small dining table in the kitchen that made the team entirely give up on the concept of one in the control room). The dinner conversation was fairly boring. "No, so there was this girl I had a huge crush on when I was fifteen, and you know what I did? Gave her lilies, because they're symbolic or something. Completely ignoring the fact that she was allergic! She avoided me for, like, four months, and only stopped avoiding me 'cause she got a job at the bakery. Anyway, I never spoke to her again. I think, last I heard, she moved to Elberon for her childrens' education." "Oh, is there a school there?" "Yeah, for the practical arts. Woodworking, sewing, sculpting, that sort of thing." "I wouldn't describe sculpting as practical." "How else are you going to get fancy porcelain crockery?" "Good point."Glimmer paused for a moment, missing fancy porcelain crockery. For obvious reasons, there was none on the ship. The conversation paused for a minute. "Have you seen the new space suits Entrapta's designing? Can't make head nor tail of the blueprints but the builds are coming out pretty well.", Bow started. Catra crumpled sideways. Adora caught her head and placed it gently on the floor."Sorry, she just does that sometimes. Since we were kids. It's fine."Adora went back to eating. For a moment the room was silent and still. Adora, unsure what was wrong with the whole affair, put her bread down slowly. "And you're not going to do anything about it?", asked Bow, while Glimmer yelled, "And you never mentioned this once?! We were fighting a fucking war against her!" "Shadow Weaver said it was fine.", replied Adora, beginning to look a little worried. "Shadow Weaver's a MASSIVE LIAR!", shouted Glimmer. "Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it!"Glimmer and Adora were getting each other in a panic. "I'll handle it."Netty got up, and started to treat Catra for a collapse. Glimmer didn't really care. She was wondering what else Adora had simply 'failed' to mention about Catra.
[Glimmer's lack of trust in Catra becomes very important later]
Catra regains consciousness, realises where she is, and immediately sits up. Netty puts a hand on her shoulder. "Sit up slowly. Have some water." Catra shoves Netty's hand away and goes to get up. "Don't! - eh, stand up too fast."Netty turns irritatedly back to her half-finished dinner as Catra strides away. Adora smiles awkwardly, and also continues eating. Bow's expression is a mixture of surprise and confusion, and his mouth is half-open for several long silent seconds until he finally says, "You're not going to follow her?" Spinny is looking at the back of Netty's hand, which has a thin scratch on it. Adora frowns, and thinks for a moment, and then says, "That's a good idea, actually."She leaves her plate unfinished. When Adora enters the room, Catra is lying down, but not facing the wall like she usually is. She gets up quickly. "You should rest."Adora sits next to her on the lower bunk and half-heartedly pushes her shoulder. Catra stays stubbornly in place. "Don't want to." "Catra, Shadow Weaver was lying. You randomly passing out is, like, bad. I don't know. Netty said a bunch of, like, words. Sink-uh-pea, or something." "Who undid my collar?" Adora notices that she's fastened it again."Netty. It's first aid, apparently." "Oh. Right." "Netty's going to teach us all the primary survey and recovery position tomorrow." " 'Recovery'? I can't think of something less comfortable. My shoulder's all messed up. Anyway -"Catra tries to think of a way to redirect the conversation. Her brain feels like thick soup. She defaults to the simplest way of ending the conversation."Go away." Adora doesn't bother to argue. She has washing-up duty today anyway.
[You know what Adora's problem is? It's that she can't put two and two together (that being if 'two' is her life in PreSR and 'two' is her life in Cur. to TD). Netty, on the other hand, can put two and two together, and so can Bow, but he's too nervous to intervene really. (for the purposes of this analogy, Scorpia could probably invent calculus without knowing but that's irrelevant right now)]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Scorpia.]
"You know, they say there's someone for everyone." "I've heard that before."Perfuma sounded tired. Scorpia supposed that was because the both of them, and the construction team, had been working all day - Scorpia didn't tend to get tired easily. Or maybe she was recalling past lovers - Scorpia remembered being told about them one night in the Rebellion camp. "And I was wondering..." Perfuma looked away from her plants, and - when she saw Scorpia's expression - giggled."Are you going to ask me on a date?" Scorpia turned beetroot red."Um - I - I totally understand if you don't want to -" A pink flower appeared in Scorpia's claw. "I'm going to be spending a lot of time here with the rebuilding effort. It seems like the universe is telling me you're the one for me."Perfuma laughed again, and hugged Scorpia.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[i found a proper place to put the sports scene yay]
[Glimmer]
I hit the lap button on my right-hand stopwatch again.“You’re getting slower by half a second each time, Bow.”, I call. “Yeah – well – I’ve run around the – control room – twenty times now!” “Eighteen.”, I correct him. Then, after hitting the button on the left-hand stopwatch, “Adora’s not getting any slower, and she’s done twenty-two.” “Oh yeah – sure – compare me to the – magic hero.” “I’m not actually using any She-Ra power right now.”, says Adora. “I just grew up with drills twice a day.” “See? Unfair!”, gasps Bow, stopping and leaning against the wall. I teleport in front of him, and then I remember that I can’t teleport out here. So I stay where I am, and clap at him anyway.“Get your ass moving, Bow! Don’t give up!”I hit the lap button again on the left stopwatch. “I give up.”He slides down against the wall and closes his eyes. Adora stops running, too, and wanders over to sit next to him.“I win.”, she declares with a little smug smile.
[Adora]
"- it's not okay to be rude to Spinny like that. Yeah?" Catra scowls."She was - she started it." "No, she didn't. She was trying to help you. That's what counselling is for."I pull out my ponytail. Something's giving me a headache, and I hope it's that."Can you see that asking about your self-harm, and mocking her relationship with her dead father, are not proportional?" "I said way worse stuff than that."She doesn't sound contrite - she sounds annoyed that I'm short-changing her credits. I take several deep breaths."I am disappointed with your attitude to this. Your reaction, whatever it was, was wildly inappropriate, and you really upset Spinny." "I - don't - care." "And that's not okay, Catra! It's alright to make mistakes, but you ought to feel remorse for them." "She deserved it."Catra's not even looking at me. "She didn't, though, did she? I'm certain that you know what you said was way off the scale." "It wasn't.", Catra protests. The headache's getting worse."Well - why, then? How could Spinny possibly have offended you to such an extent in the first five minutes of the session?" "She was asking questions."Catra still won't look at me."I told her to stop." Huh. I didn't hear that detail from Spinny's account - I make a mental note to ask about it. Most likely, Catra glanced once at the door and assumed that was good enough as a 'stop'. She forgets no-one else pays attention to her like I do."Questions and horrible insults aren't equivalent, though.", I point out, knowing that she still won't get it. She looks up at my face for half a second and then back down. I'd almost call it nervous."I don't like questions." "Maybe you shouldn't have agreed to counselling, then."As soon as I've said it I know I shouldn't have done. "Like I had any choice! Everyone on this fucking ship is pressuring me to fix my mind like it'll just -" she clicks her fingers - "magically turn normal! You were pressuring me more than anyone else. If you don't like me how I am now, why don't you just leave instead of trying to change me?" "We're trying to help you." "I don't need help!" "Yes, you do!"I run my hand through my hair. My skull hurts. Catra looks up at my face again, and then back down, in- In sync with my hand. She's tracking my hand. Is she? I lift one arm slightly, and Catra's eyes follow. The other - her gaze snaps to it. I curl one hand into a fist, and she tenses slightly. I let the fist go, shaken."I'm not gonna hurt you, Catra."I'm trying very hard to control my expression. She doesn't stop looking scared."I don't need help, and it's Spinny's fault, and I'm not saying sorry." "Yeah. Uh, sure."I didn't hear what she just said. I'm angry that she thinks I would hurt her. I'm sad that she thinks I would hurt her. I'm terrified that she thinks I would hurt her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
08:41 AM "Hey, Sparkles."Catra made a silly face at Glimmer."Fight me." 10:35 AM Mats were laid out on the control-room floor, and Spinny, Entrapta, Bow, and Adora were there to watch - maybe they'd have a turn once Catra or Sparkles tapped out. Realistically, actually - once Sparkles tapped out. "First hit to the back of the neck?", she suggested. Catra smirked."First butt on the floor. No weapons, anything else goes." Over by the side, Adora lit up slightly: those were the rules she'd sparred with since she was four. Sparkles cracked her knuckles and smirked back. Catra let her move first - she made the mistake of aiming high, so Catra ducked under her arm and hit between her shoulder-blades. Glimmer wobbled but didn't fall. Glimmer pivoted and managed to biff Catra on one ear with a small burst of magic, and Catra kicked for her ankle and missed, and Sparkles stepped forward toward her but Catra spun and elbowed her in the side. "Woo!", cheered Adora, and Catra used the moment Glimmer was winded to take a little bow. This time Sparkles went for Catra's ankle, so Catra hit her in the chest and she almost unbalanced but righted herself by grabbing Catra's arm and pulling on it with a quiet crack. Spinny audibly winced. "Holy shit did I just hurt you for real?", Glimmer panicked. "No."Catra shrugged it back in place and grinned."I can walk it off." Sparkles looked at her for a couple seconds, seemed to decide it was fine, and suddenly lunged forward again. Catra dodged left just in time and kicked the back of Glimmer's knee in, pinning her lower leg to the ground. Glimmer squeaked and shoved herself backwards, knocking Catra over and landing on top of her. "Tie!", Catra yelled, pushing Glimmer onto the mat. Adora laughed."No, Catra, you know the rules. You made them up. First butt on the floor's the loser - on people doesn't count - so that makes it one-nil to Lonnie, fair and square." "To Glimmer.", Bow corrected. Adora went slightly pink. Entrapta grinned, and started muttering to her recorder: "Adora appears to be defaulting to a childhood state of-" "Who's going next?", Catra interrupted loudly.
[Catra]
I lock the bathroom door, and then hold the sink on both sides, so my claws make an intolerably high-pitched noise against it, and stare at myself."... Adora."Words. Words, words, words. Perfuma had a lot of them. 'Vulnerable' was one of her favourites."Adora. Was... was it... pointless?"I smack the back of my hand against the sink and slide down the wall. My knees press into my eyes hard enough that I can hear static and see a kaleidoscope. My shoulder hurts, against the wall like this, so I lean into it. Slipping out again and again and again and again. The first was Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Rogelio. Shadow Weaver. A random fall. Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Adora. Shadow Weaver. Me, because I wanted Adora to care. Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Lonnie. Me, again. Shadow Weaver. Adora. Shadow Weaver. And then... Adora. Adora. Shadow Weaver. Adora. Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver. Adora. Adora. Me. Adora. Scorpia, by accident - a hug. Adora. Adora. Adora. Sparkles. Adora. Adora. Double Trouble, for a joke. Adora. Adora. Adora. Me, and then me again, and again seven times. Adora. Sparkles. Adora. Me, me, me, me, Horde Prime, me, Shadow Weaver, me, me, me, Scorpia again, me, me. Now, add Sparkles to the list. Not that I'm keeping count. I don't count them all, anyway, not the ones that are just because I carried a book or laughed too hard or woke up like that. I just count the ones that are people's faults, and I'm probably missing some. And, I mean, they're all my fault, really, I'm the broken one first of all, and so it should just be a list of me because all of them had some sort of a point to them, something I missed or did wrong, or, I don't know, but what if it was pointless? And I don't mean - I mean, the - it. What if it was pointless. And if I think about it, really, then I can imagine it's me and Adora sparring, and Adora pulling my arm out, and I think I like that better. Pretend it's her. Pretend it's because she hates me again. Pretend it's the heel of her hand forcing into the middle of my chest, where it hurts and it makes it hard to breathe but it won't matter if it bruises so it doesn't matter, really, at all, but it gives it all a purpose, and pretend she's the one that's holding my hip at an awkward angle, because I can't be bothered to move. Pretend it's her biting the sides of my tongue and holding my breath, and pulling on the fluff behind my ear, and pretend Knock knock."Hey, Catra? You alright?" "Yeah."I smile at the door."I just... got a bit overwhelmed. Like Perfuma said - small spaces help with it." "Okay. If you need anything, I'm here.", Adora says. "M-hm. Just give me a minute."I know my voice sounds wrong. "... Okay."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer]
7:45 AM Catra's very hard to sneak up on. No, scratch that, Catra's usually very hard to sneak up on. Right now, she's sitting on the console - not even staring into space, just blankly staring in front of her - and she's acting like she hasn't noticed me just walk in. It's kind of creepy, but also kind of fascinating. I slowly approach, and it still seems like she doesn't know I'm here."Heya there.", I try, softly. Nothing. Okay, this is really freaking me out now. I clap loudly, twice, and she jumps and squeaks. I smile at her."Are we alright?" She looks down at her hands, and then back at me, and clears her throat."Um, Sparkles. Didn't see you. I'm just, uh, planet-spotting." "You sure?"I sit next to her. There's not much interesting to see, asides the planet we're supposed to be landing on later today, because Entrapta wants to study its silicon-based lifeforms. Vaguely pretty galaxy in the distance, maybe. Catra hops off the console and starts to walk away."I've got stuff to do.", she mutters. "See you." "You know you can talk to me about anything?-"Nah, she's gone. "Stretches!", Bow announced. "We are gonna do this thing properly. No more strained muscles for the Best Friends Squad!" Glimmer started stretching her arms in front of her - she'd never taken the time to learn leg stretches. Catra laughed."I've always been the best at this."She pulled her foot up, clean above her head, and Netty - unnoticed over in the corner - raised one eyebrow."Adora?", she added, teasingly. Adora went a bit pink and crossed her arms."I have actually been practicing the last couple years." "Uh, have you? 'Cause I feel like I would have noticed."Catra put her foot back on the floor. There was a weird clunking noise, and Bow checked the console. Adora frowned at Catra."When would you have noticed, exactly?" Glimmer giggled, and Catra rolled her eyes.
[FN: do I have to point this one out]
[Adora]
Nor without the voice
Of mountain-echoes did by boat move on,
Leaving behind her still, on either
The door slams open and I spin on the spot. Standing in the doorframe is yet another clone, with the usual desperate look about it. It lunges forward, and Catra does the same, but with an almost lazy swing of my sword, I knock the clone away with an arc of light before it can get near Catra. Then I turn back to the engraving.
side,
Small circles glittering idly in the moon,
Until they all
"Why'd that hit him and not me?", asks Catra. I turn around again, to see Melog now thoroughly occupied with a shiny bauble that it's batting around the floor, and Catra looking at me curiously."Hm?" "The magic light stuff. It went straight through me and Melog." "I dunno."I should probably read up on how my magic works. Light Hope wasn't all that much help. "What's that say, then?"Catra walks over to the engraving, and starts to trace the letters with one claw.
melted into one track
Of sparkling light.
"It's a... uh... poem. About a kid. An arrogant kid. Rowing a boat." Catra makes a face."I'll take your word for it." "I can teach you First Ones, if you want." "Sure.", she replies cynically.
[the draft title for this scene was 'little sharp teethsies']
[don't quote me on the teeth names. I last learned teeth names when I was 7. I will not be doing one simple google search to find the correct terminology, because 'incisors' sounds good, and I know what I'm taking about, and you know what I'm talking about]
[Catra]
As per usual, I've got Adora pinned, and red-faced, and regretting the fact that she put on pyjamas this evening, because I'm not going to let her take them off for a while. I love watching her like this - in the day, she's She-Ra the mighty warrior, and at night, she's this soft, malleable version of Adora, for my eyes only. All for me. And, as per usual, I murmur "What do you want?" in her ear, because it's funny to make her have to say it out loud. "This is gonna sound weird." I press my elbows slightly harder against her shoulders."When have I ever judged you?" She nods, and then almost starts saying something, and then stops herself, and then starts again."Can I see your fangs?" I give her a cheesy smile. "No, I mean... I don't mean see. Give me one of my hands free." I let go of the pressure on her left shoulder, so she can pull the hand out from behind her. She's right-handed, though."You meant, can I touch your fangs. You've got to learn to say things like you mean, or you won't get what you want."To demonstrate, I grab her left wrist, and hold it away from both of us for a long second. Then, I glance at it, and then back at Adora, knowing she's watching me, and let go of it quite deliberately. For a moment, nothing happens. Then she rests her left hand on the back of my head. I smirk at her."You missed. My teeth are part of my face." "I know.", she whispers, and starts to pull my head forward, clearly of a mind to kiss me, so I shift sideways slightly and kiss her neck, and she squeaks in surprise. I don't move."You still want to feel my fangs?" Adora's hand moves down to the middle of my back."Mm-hm." "That's not a real word." "Uh."She swallows nervously."Yes." I carefully press my sharp incisors into Adora's skin, and she breathes in sharply and digs her fingers into my back. I don't stop, though, because if she actually didn't like it she'd be saying no. She knows she has all the choice in the world. After what seems like a long time, I let go. Oopsie - there are four little scratches on her neck. I rub at them slightly ineffectually with my thumb."Sorry, I've just full-on bit you there. Trying to drop that habit.", I grin. She looks positively dizzy."I'll, uh, heal myself later. Uhm."Her hand on my back moves down a little. I grab her arm by the elbow and hold it up against the wall behind her."Later? What are you planning on doing now, then?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Bow.]
It's quite nice but very seldom that Entrapta actually turns up for meals. She normally takes her assortment of tiny portions from the kitchen, and eats nestled in the infrastructure of Darla (she does, in fact, have a bedroom of her own, but no-one is sure whether she has ever set foot in it. In relation to this, she also prefers to pop in from the ceiling rather than using the more traditional method of 'door'), and usually returns most of the crockery in a timely manner. This means that, when she does eat with the rest of us, she almost certainly has some kind of ulterior motive. Today, that motive is revealed when, in a moment of silence, she shouts, "Catch!", and chucks something at Catra.
Squeak.
Catra throws the thing back at Entrapta, whose hair catches it."That is utterly demeaning." Entrapta's face falls."What?" "A squeaky mouse? Really?" "My data shows that you should find it... fun."The mouse falls to the floor and squeaks defeatedly. "I'm not a child- look, sorry."Catra taps her fingers together and exhales."Thank you for trying, but that is just a teensy-tiny bit patronising. OK?" Entrapta, who is already distracted by something else, leaves the mouse on the floor where it fell and, after a fashion, leaves the room with the rest of her dinner. Later, when card games are being arranged, I see Melog wandering off with the mouse.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The light slowly assimilated itself - all flat colours: glossy white walls, matte grey shadows. A wall on one side, a space and then, perhaps twenty feet above on the other side, a platform. It vaguely sounded like something was happening on the platform. There was nothing to see from here, though. The shadows were still. The air was still too, until it was at once apparent that each breath drawn in was a sort of stab to the left shoulder. As time went on in its meandering way, each stab became less of a sort-of and more of a certainty, and there was a growing apparence, too, that something was pushing at the back of Adora's head. No - that was wrong - she was lying on the floor. The left arm might be a write-off for the time being, but common sense told her that she could still get up. Get back to that platform and help with what she was fairly certain were her friends doing battle, thirty feet overhead. If you're injured, you're your own responsibility. No-one rescues soldiers. If you want help, prove your loyalty. There was a familiar being beside her head, on the injured side. She wasn't too sure how long it had been there, but then again, Melog always flirted with the laws of physics as fluidly as they seemed to be behaving, right now, in this interminable space. It purred. Cats, Adora remembered, had a frequency of purring that was meant to speed up recovery. She wondered if Catra had ever tried it. Probably not.
Wear your pain. It shows how strong you are.
Adora used the right arm to brace herself to sit up, but as soon as she moved, she was alerted to a similar pain in the left hip. "Mau."Melog rubbed its face against Adora's, purring. "Not - not helpful. Can you go and get the others?" "Mau." The sounds from above had dimmed."...Please?" It disappeared. Adora felt like a dead leaf. Limp and useless and stepped-on. It was seeming to take a while for the others to arrive. The light wasn't dimming any - if anything it was heavy, pressing in from the platform forty feet above.
Tell me, is it worth expending time and resources on soldiers that can't fight? Of course not. If you're not able to fight, then you can look after yourself, or you can die.
At last the shadows started dancing at the top of the wall, and then Catra, Bow and Glimmer climbed - or, rather, abseiled - down to where Adora had fallen. When they reached the floor, Melog also reappeared from whatever pocket dimension it'd been to. Bow seemed to be limping. That made for a fifty per-cent injury rate. Netty wouldn't be happy.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I shall write the transcript after a short introduction. On the morning of the fifteenth of May in the year one-thousand and two, at a quarter to noon, I met privately in the Cloisters with a claimant to the Council, by the name of Ariadne and by origin of Colonia. Ariadne, a non-sorcerer, claims that she is, or rather was, the sister to the infamous sorcerer popularly known as Light Spinner. Ariadne hopes that she can shed some light on the matter, which has been a topic of heated debate for several months. Upon sight of the claimant, I found an older woman that certainly bore some resemblance (I, having personally known Light Spinner) to her suggested sister in height and stature, although Light Spinner's propensity to cover her face ensured that I was unable to draw conclusions based on facial features; however, those of Ariadne seemed stern and thorough. Despite this, Ariadne behaved in a gracious and amicable manner throughout our conversation. Having beforehand researched the claimant, I had some reservations. She was known to be a staunch Martynist leader during the great Question, and certainly her Colonian ancestry did not serve to negate this. However, as a conclusion of our meeting, I firmly believe Ariadne's claim, and would like to appeal to the Council to include her, or her expertise, in discussion of the matter of Light Spinner. Thank you for your patience; the transcript follows.
Teo: It's wonderful to meet you Ariadne.
Ariadne: A pleasure to be here, Professor.
T: You claim that you are Light Spinner's sister?
A: I only knew her as Penelope. The last time we spoke was when the Myssionaries visited us. But yes, I was her sister, and we were very close until she discovered her ability.
T: I would love to hear about that moment. Light Spinner was such a masterful sorcerer.
A: Well, she started a fire. In the hearth, of course; nothing unexpected. But she was absolutely insistent that she hadn't spent a single match on it.
T: How old was she at the time?
A: Fifteen-odd... yes, around that age. A couple of years before she left. A couple years after the campaigning began.
T: And before that time, what was her attitude to magic?
A: Martynist. Like me, and my father, and everyone we knew. Of course - of course - I see the error of my ways now. I was young.
T: And after?
A: Never stopped hating the Princesses. But then, she'd always had a bit of a god complex. She loved having magic. Loved having power. Didn't want anyone else to, I 'spose.
T: That's fascinating. I don't know if you're familiar with the literature, but that would strongly support the view that she performed the Spell of Obtainment with the objective of assisting the Horde.
A: I'll be honest, I haven't an idea what you're talking about. Assisting the Horde, though? It wouldn't surprise me.
T: All she seemed concerned with was education, when I knew her at the College.
A: Yes - she always wanted a good education.
At this point in the conversation, a messenger approached me to let me know that I was needed to cover a class. I was thoroughly angered. Even more so, when I later discovered that the professor that ought to have taken the class was, in fact, abandoning her students in order to meet with the very same Ariadne whose interview I was forced to curtail. As a postscript, addressed directly to my dear friend Professor Ruby, I would be fascinated to hear of your conversation with the claimant. Perhaps, were you not to make it publicly available, you, Caila and I might have a discussion over tea. Considering how poor, in fact, your literacy is, let it be clear that I am threatening you. I expect to see your own transcript no later than a week from now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Netty.]
I read page 513 again, and again. I'm more than certain I'm right. However, I'm not the sort to go round making accusations - just suggestions. So, when the control room is empty, I leave the book, open to the page, on the console, in the exact spot Adora likes to stand. And by dinnertime, it's gone.
[Adora.]
8:14 PM Catra walks into our room. I grab the book from the desk and flip it open to the bookmarked page."Catra! Hey. Have a look at this." She looks bemused, and sits down next to me. I pass her the book."Where'd you get this?"It's ridiculously heavy, with pages like tissue paper, filled with tiny text and diagrams I don't understand - 'Basic Pathology'. "It was in the med room. There's a whole shelf of these textbooks. I was just reading them 'cause I was curious." As she reads, the expression on her face changes. A brief flash of anger, then rehearsedly blank."And why am I reading about 'Ehlers-Danlos'?" "Well..."I know that she knows. She hefts the book onto the bed beside her and turns around, away from me, under the pretence of looking closer at the page. She carefully enunciates her words in a monotone."I think you're wrong, Adora. I'm fine." "Stop lying. You and I both know-" "Fuck you. Stop interfering with my life. I don't need your help."She slams Basic Pathology shut and leaves the room. 10:28 PM I should be asleep. There are things to be doing early tomorrow morning. Catra's still gone. I couldn't find her half an hour ago, so she'll be hidden somewhere, invisible. My two options from here are to wander around shouting at the empty air, or to wait, and I have chosen the one that would incur considerably less paperwork. It's dark, and I'm cold without her beside me, and it's too quiet without her breathing and Melog occasionally snoring on the top bunk. After an interminable and miserable space of nothingness, the door opens. It looks like no-one's there, but after the door closes again, Melog jumps up next to me and Catra is opening the wardrobe. Melog presses its face against my shoulder, and I stroke its soft head. It sits - a little irritatingly - on my arm. Catra dresses in her pyjamas and I remain in silence, choosing to let her initiate the conversation. Melog gets up and I wiggle my fingers to get rid of the pins and needles. It climbs up to the top bunk, and Catra lies down beside me, still facing away. "I'm sorry.", she says. "For swearing at you. And... lying." She turns around, and I hug her gently, like she's breakable.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
There she is. "Catra?" She stops walking, but doesn't turn around to look at me."Hey, Princess." I'm taken aback - she doesn't call me that, any more, when I'm myself. It sounds unfamiliar. Sharp. Cold."Can we talk?" "I was under the impression that that's what's happening, yes."Seemingly having given up on the idea of getting out of it, she pivots and starts to walk toward our room, still not looking at me. I notice the way her little finger extends just slightly nearer to the wall on her right. Unconsciously searching for support. I wait until the door is closed to continue."You've been avoiding me all day." "Yeah, and with a sum total of about five places to possibly be, I'd say seven hours is an achievement, no?"She's speaking down at me from the top bunk, which usually belongs to Melog - who I also haven't seen today. I take the desk chair, so I can see her, but she's still refusing to look at me. "It almost feels like you're hiding from me." "Almost, yeah."I'm not sure what to call that. Denial? Dismissal? She's backed against the wall so that, on all axes, we're about as far apart as the small room would allow. "Why?" "Be- because... y'know. It's... not a... the...", she stammers. Basic Pathology's still on the desk beside me."Because you don't like that I know you're ill?"I almost say get over it - but that's what I say when I'm angry, and I'm really, really trying not to be angry right now, because this isn't about me. She's silent. "I've known for ages. This is just putting a name to it."Technically not a lie, if you'll count detached gut feelings as 'knowing'. All I failed to do, really, was string the separate parts of my life together, and that's really more under the 'data processing' umbrella anyway. "Great. OK."Her voice is choked by stifled tears."Three cheers for Detective Adora. Go ahead. There's your excuse. You can leave." "What?" "Don't act stupid. No-one wants something that's already broken."I hate how casually she says it. Those are words you'd expect to be screamed - and Catra makes it sound like a joke. "But- but you're not something. You're someone."My eyes are beginning to well up, too."And don't you ever call yourself broken." That was one of Shadow Weaver's choicest insults - reserved for just every once in a while, so it never lost its thorns. Rogelio's language. Kyle's weakness. The bruises and the scars and the fear and the attitude webbing it all over that made up Catra. "Tell me what I am, then. Whole? Pure? Perfect? No, I-" "You're loved.", I interrupt. She pulls her head back violently, hitting it on the wall behind her. I don't care if I shouldn't be cross right now. I really am." 'Cause the power of lov-" "Stop that. Right now. I am not letting you hurt yourself. Got it?", I snap. "Get down off the top bunk. It's clearly not safe." After a moment of consideration, she climbs down, sitting against the same wall on the lower bunk."Happy?"And she's still not looking at me. I sit next to her."Sorry. That- that was mean of me."No response."Can I do anything to help?" "No." "So I'm just supposed to watch you suffer. And you think that has absolutely no effect on me?" "I gave you the option to leave. The offer stands." "Glad to know you think-"But I have left on a whim before, didn't I? It's all very well to say I left for She-Ra, for the Great Rebellion, for Etheria, but really, it was the shock value of seeing Thaymor destroyed. Give me a week to plaster over it, and I might have stayed. She thinks I can't see her pressing her claws into her palm - just hard enough that it hurts and doesn't leave a mark. I reach toward her hand, but she notices and lets go of the fist on her own. "You, and some stupid military organisation, are not the same. I never loved the Horde. It was just... all I had. I would never leave you. I pr-" "Don't go making stupid promises, Princess." "Don't call me that." "It's what you are, though. Blue-eyed perfect pretty princess. And I'm your damsel. You have to save me from myself. So poetic." "You know what I think?"I'm acting purely on emotion right now, I know. And I don't care, even as my voice starts to sound accusatory and angry."You're being deliberately hurtful, because you're scared. And you're going to stop right now and talk to me like an adult, because - 'cause there's nothing to be scared of. Just me."I trail off into hopelessness at the end. "Plumeria was a good time, huh?" I close my eyes and take a deep breath."Have you heard the phrase 'you're worth more than what you can give to other people'? Someone... someone very wise told me that." "Don't start with the spiritual stuff. Trauma, boundaries, complex PTSD, yada yada. I get the gist."She bats at my hands, and I realise I've been picking at my thumbnails. "I don't think you do. I don't think you've grasped that I love you. You don't serve some kind of auxiliary function in my life. I just want... you."I shuffle closer, so that our shoulders are pressed together, and she doesn't move away."Imagine if I lost She-Ra again. You'd still love me, right?" "It's not the same." "Fine, then imagine if it was the same. Imagine I'm forever dizzy and in pain and tired. Imagine I'm falling apart at the seams trying to hide it. A - you'd want to help, right? And you wouldn't like me trying to stop you helping. And, B - you'd still love me. And, and C - I'll bet anything you wouldn't call me broken to my face." "Mm."She leans properly against me. I think that's the best I'm going to get out of this conversation. She's still not looking at me."You weren't at lunch. Did you get anything to eat?" "Yeah." "What?" "A sandwich." I'm inclined to disbelieve her, primarily because she doesn't like sandwiches much. It's a bad lie on purpose."Should I go make a snack?"I'm stroking the soft fluff behind her ear. One of her favourite things, and she'll never admit it. "Can you stay here a bit?" "Sure."
["No one wants something that's already broken." "Whole? Pure? Perfect?" - There are parallels to purity culture in our society here. The Horde maintained a purity culture of physical fitness.]
[Adora is so attuned to every little one of Catra's idiosyncrasies, but she doesn't even notice when she's picking at her fingernails. She tells Catra 'you're worth more than what you give to others', but guess what Adora bases her self-worth on?]
[Having a world where it's par for the course that the storybook Princess rescues her own damsel-in-distress (and in addition, they thereafter are lesbians) brings me so much joy]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
Catra walks into the bedroom, and stands behind me, and undoes my hair, and starts brushing it. And I'm absolutely baffled, so I put down my pen and ask, "What are you doing?" "I... wanted to talk. To you." "... And?" She doesn't respond. My best guess is that she doesn't feel safe enough to talk to me face-to-face, so in that case, I'll just let her do whatever she's doing. I sit up properly in the desk chair."Yeah, I'm listening." "How much pain do you have? All the time.", she asks quietly. I have the feeling she doesn't want to hear none."Pretty much none.", I say gently. "Unless I, y'know, get hurt, or forget to eat, or get sick. People aren't normally in pain." "But..." "The normal level is zero."I try to turn around, but she holds my head still, facing away from her, and keeps brushing my hair. "But you've been sitting there for, like, three hours." "... And?", I repeat. She starts to plait my hair."What if it's just a Princess thing. 'Cause you're magic. And everyone else is like me."It's clutching at straws, and she knows it. "Catra, if the rest of Etheria was hurting, I think they'd have complained. Like, sometime in the last ten years, maybe. Instead of not telling anyone." "But- but- I don't- why? Why didn't anyone ever tell me the normal level is zero? Why is it- why is it always me? You get to be the favourite, and be She-Ra, and be a hero, and I get to be the villain and not only that, I'm defective. I can't cope with literally just being alive like everyone else can."She finishes with my hair and sniffs, staying stood behind me. "If we spoke to Netty, th-" "No."She tosses the hairbrush onto the desk and walks out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Scorpia.]
[When Perfuma was a teenager, she played around with various names. 'Persephone' became 'Seph' and now her close friends call her Seph as an inside joke.]
"You are lying to me!"The bench creaks as Scorpia leans over the side, mock-offended. "Didn't you hear yourself in Peekablue's club? You're a born singer, dear." "As much as I wish that were true, Seph, I'm average. Worse than that, even." "Stop thinking about yourself like that! You know, I think this whole place has a lingering aura of negativity."Perfuma breaks a plantlet off the edge of a leaf and grows it absentmindedly in her hand."You know what I should do?- I should sweep you off your feet, and bring you back home, and have you join our singing circle. It would at least be a breath of fresh air. Speaking of which, we need to do more about the pollution." "As long as I'm not in it, we could start a singing circle here." "Come on. Just a holiday. You've barely seen any of Plumeria." Scorpia skates her feet nervously across the bricks, casting tiny clouds of dust into the breeze."I wish we could, but - y'know - I'm responsible now. I don't have a council I can leave in charge, really, since there's so much happening every day." Perfuma sighs. By now, her new plant is winding around the arm of the bench."You'll need some traditional music to start a singing circle. And - you can't steal any of mine." "Could I at least borrow a composer? Music isn't really big with the Horde lot." "Well.", exclaims Perfuma, "That goes back to my earlier point! I'd love to hear the music you'd write." "I guess I could give it a go.", says Scorpia shyly. She pivots, checking that no-one is nearby. Of course, they're not. Today, all is a-go on the new high street constructions."Am I invisible to you?", she warbles, before cutting off in a fit of embarrassed giggles."No, that was stupid. I'm rubbish." "No, no, it was good. I was just - well -"Perfuma considers that Scorpia, of course, grew up without hearing music."Traditional music is generally about the history of the place or something. But maybe you should work through some feelings first." Scorpia turns beetroot red."Hah. Yeah."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer.]
I turn a corner. This place is completely safe - completely dead, too - and I know there's nothing to worry about, because I've got a digital map, and Entrapta knows everything there is to know about the place. I'm still irrationally terrified that I'll get lost, and the clones will find me, and drag me away. No. I'm safe. If I wasn't safe, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk around alone, searching for the lovely safe server room in this entirely safe old dead clone spire. I'm not entirely alone, of course: Bow, Catra and Adora are with me, because we're the ones that know Prime's architecture best, but they're elsewhere, looking for other things. So, really, since the only other living beings here are my best friends, I'm as safe as I could possibly be. Alone and nearly lost and trembling and safe. As I walk quickly along the corridor I hear a noise around the corner and jump out of my skin - or, at least, I would have done, could I still teleport. But I can't, so I end up freezing. Listening. "If there's anything I can do..." Thank fuck, it's Adora's voice. I almost run to her, glad to see a familiar face, when it strikes me that there must be someone she's talking to. "No. Don't fuss." Catra. This time I don't go to greet them because I'm fascinated. I've dropped in on a conversation that I've wanted to hear for ages - and, I reason with myself, if Adora's neglected to tell us for years what's wrong with Catra, which is categorically lying by omission, I can eavesdrop as much as I like. "There's really nothing that would help?" "Just sitting down sometimes. Which we already do." They must be doing so now, because I don't hear footsteps. "That's all?"Adora sounds skeptical. "This is all I would ask for." "What wouldn't you ask for?" I wait with bated breath to hear the answer. "...Can we talk about it later? Let's just find the library." Both Adora and I sigh. They don't hear mine over hers. "The more you pretend you're okay, the more you're hurting. I don't like it. I don't like that you're in pain and I don't like that you're not letting me help." I'm thrown by this new piece of information. "I'm going to the library."Catra sounds angry - as usual."Come with me if you want." In a flash of panic I realise that they could very well walk my way, and scramble to pretend that I was just passing by and didn't hear anything. They go the other way. I lean against the wall and think.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
I'm not made of porcelain. I've told her that. I wish she would listen. She doesn't hug me tightly anymore, like she might break my bones; she doesn't kiss me properly for fear of seeing me out of breath; she holds my hand like it's glass. I know the others have noticed she doesn't act the same around me anymore. I wish she would understand that I would rather die than live like this.
[and, from the author's perspective, this explains why there is such a high concentration of sex scenes between Nothing and ME/CC. Nothing, obviously, is the first time, and after ME/CC, Adora is very aware that it hurts Catra
This is also why Nothing doesn't actually propagate into a conversation and Adora never finds out that Catra's ace. Between Nothing and ME/CC (and to some extent after that) they mutually work out a temporary solution which circumvents the problem: temporary solutions are usually a Bad Idea and lead to a Difficult Conversation, but in this case the ends as well as the means are also (unrelatedly) temporary, so there is no conversation]
[technically that last statement does go with a 'yet' because I could write that conversation in the future if I am so inclined to]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Can you hold this for a sec?"Glimmer passed her staff to Catra, and crouched down to readjust her shoe. They continued. After about twenty seconds, Catra said, "Why have I still got your stick?" "Staff. And, by all means, keep carrying it. It's kinda heavy."Catra dropped it on the floor in front of Glimmer, who squeaked."That's a family heirloom! You can't just drop it!" "You fight with it. I think it can handle the floor." Glimmer grumbled."See how you feel if I drop your-"She thought for a minute."What d'you even have, 'sides Adora?" Catra shrugged."Had a whip, once. And this really cool jacket. Sc... well, they went under the Fright Zone like everything else." "Oh." Melog appeared and headbutted Catra in the side."Yeah, and there's this thing. Very much a creature of its own, though."It teleported away again, happy to be back home for a moment. Glimmer kicked a bit of rubble aside, and the clack it made echoed down the corridor. It was the only noise, other than their own voices and footsteps, that they'd heard in a while.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The secret beach, which is a little way from the palace and a long way from the city, is, unusually, not silent tonight. Sea Hawk and Mermista are sitting, watching the stars. Sea Hawk, having dropped his 'dashing-sailor' act, is marvelling at the cosmic immensity of it all, and Mermista, who was never much one for philosophy, is trying to catch his eye. Her own gaze is caught, however, by a twinkle that is dashing across the sky. "Shooting star.", she says, pointing."You're supposed to be able to wish on them." "The wish is all yours, my lady." "I wish... I wish I could know something new about you." "Well.", says Sea Hawk, twirling his moustache."You know my name, do you not?" " 'Course I do, my love." "I earned the title when I was a young, naive lad of seventeen. The greatest sailor on the Median Sea, and so sharp, I could have my way with anybody. Before I was Sea Hawk, back when I was even younger and foolhardier, I was called Marlene. But the name never quite fit me." "Hah."Mermista closes one eye and holds up her hands to frame Sea Hawk's face, like an artist."Marlene. Yeah, you're right, Sea Hawk's better." "I do love my name. I am noble; not a champion but a natural companion of the sea. 'Sea Hawk' is truly the man I am." "Well, you're not gonna be called 'Humble Steve' anytime soon." Sea Hawk and Mermista laugh. Sea Hawk's hubris is as much an act as his personability, and they both know it. It's well past midnight, when the clouds have come over and the stars are obscured, that they get back to the palace.
[I'm not saying that sea hawk is trans - I realise that 'Marlene' is, in a traditional sense, a feminine name. However when pronounced German-ly, I think it sounds very masculine. Gender doesn't matter in the She-ra universe anyway - so although I don't personally headcanon sea hawk as trans, it doesn't really matter either way]
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Glimmer taps Adora's elbow for her attention."I was thinking, we could play Alicycle, you and Bow and I, like we used to when we were travelling." Adora doesn't turn away from whatever she's doing at the console."... Alicycle's a three-player game, isn't it?" "Yeah. I've got the cards, and Bow's up for it." "Uh, maybe tomorrow. I'm a bit busy. Also, there's seven people on the ship - could we play something else? So the others can join in?" Glimmer steps back a bit."You know what, Adora? You keep prioritising Catra over Bow and I, and I'm really hurt by that." Adora sets something to autopilot and turns around, so she can talk to Glimmer properly."It's not-" "It's actually insulting, how you think you can just waltz off with your girlfriend and ignore the fact that you have other friends. Wait, but you're good at that, aren't you? I should have seen it coming. And, you're also ignoring the fact that she tried to kill all of us! Repeatedly! And you're still treating her like she's more important than us. You know what it is, actually? It's selfi-"Glimmer stumbles back a bit. It looks like she was shoved, but no-one's there. "Finish that sentence, I dare you.", says Catra's disembodied voice. Glimmer crosses her arms."This is fucking ridiculous. I'm trying to have a heart-to-heart with you and you've got her watching? The amount of codependency in-" "I genuinely didn't know she was there!", interrupted Adora. "Likely. You are so unreasonable, Ador-"Glimmer takes another involuntary step backwards, and then kicks irritatedly at the space in front of her. She looks quite surprised and shocked when her foot actually connects with something, and Catra and Melog separate. Melog wanders off, out of the control room, and after a moment, Catra gives Glimmer a middle finger and follows it. Adora presses a few buttons on the console, and leaves, too. Glimmer's slightly frozen - with the anger still coursing through her veins, and the feeling that she's just majorly messed up. No-one hurts Catra and gets away with it. Melog curls up on the top bunk, and Catra and Adora sit on the lower one. "Why'd you start a fight with Glimmer?", begins Adora. "That wasn't a fight. Hardly even a tiff. I shoved her twice and she kicked me in the shin."Catra pulls up her sock - there's a red mark on her leg that's just about to turn into a bruise. "Why, though?" "She upset you.", replies Catra, shrugging like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Adora thinks for a moment."Yeah, uh, why were you there in the first place?" "Bored. People-watching. Y'know, you-watching. You're cute when you're focusing." Catra starts to pull her sock back down, but Adora stops her."Let me heal that." Catra bats Adora's hand away."Nah, not worth it." "It takes literally no effort on my part." "No, I mean, it..."Catra suddenly stands up and punches the ladder."Fuck me. Fuck my life. Fuck my fucking broken collagen." Adora stands up, too, stepping in between Catra and the ladder."Whoa, whoa, calm down. Don't hurt yourself, please. What do you mean?" "I mean..." - Catra sits on the desk chair - "what does healing feel like, for you?" "Kind of... healy. I dunno. Not like much, really. Why?" "It's like the teleporting.", Catra mutters. And then she thinks for a moment."No, actually, it's not like the teleporting. No, it is. Well. Imagine the teleporting, but minus the feeling of being ripped apart. So, just, uh... dizzy, I guess?" "What do you mean, the feeling of being ripped apart?", asks Adora in horror. Catra blinks up at Adora."Oh, did I not tell you? Uh. Yeah. That's just the teleporting, though, the healing is different. It's fine. I'm fine. I can put up with it, if you really want to heal me." "No, nope, no. Fates, Catra, I've healed you, like, a bunch before. Why didn't you mention it?"Adora sits back on the bed, and takes out her hair tie, and runs her hand nervously through her hair. "Thought it was like that for everyone."
[quick summary/explanation - magic, in general, flares up Catra's dysautonomia, and teleporting (literally being instantly slammed through space by the power of *magic-physics*, so, understandably) flares up her pain]
Good thing the crew eats with table-knives, because firstly, you'd need something sharper to cut through the tension in here, and secondly, something sharper might find itself in the middle of a fight. The room is silent. Bow's staring at the floor and so is Adora, Glimmer's glaring at Catra and Adora, Catra's glaring at Glimmer, and Spinny and Netty are trying to pretend everything's fine, and exchanging amused looks with each other. Both Adora and Glimmer look like they've been crying, and they're both occasionally glancing at Catra with some apprehension. Bow puts on an artificial smile."You know? I always think it's better to talk these things out. Rather than let them fester." "Sorry I shoved you, Sparkles.", says Catra breezily. "I deeply regret my actions and am taking steps to improve my anger management." Bow grits his teeth. He's really having to force the smile."Okay, that's not a real apology, though, is it? Let's just move onto someone else. Adora, you go first." "I didn't do anything!" "Except ignore your best friends that helped you win a war and overthrow a tyrant and have been by your side your entire two-year-long identity crisis?", yells Glimmer. Catra puts her fork down."If you're going to argue time commitment, I've been there for her, alone, for eighteen years, so I'd reconsider that point." "Sorry - guys - are you arguing with me or over me?" "With! You're ridiculous! It's always 'sorry, I'm busy teaching Catra First Ones' or 'I can't join in, I'm cooking lunch with Catra'. And all I want is-" "Just because one hundred percent of my time is no longer dedicated to you-" "- apologies, then maybe let's bring up the fact that she kicked me in the fucking shin! It's childish-" "-t adds up. And it really upsets me when it can't be like it was. I liked the way we-" "- you're the Queen, doesn't mean you're entitled to your friends' const-" "SHUT UP!", shouts Bow. Everyone looks at him, impressed. "Shut the heck up with all this petty arguing! I know how to solve this. At exactly three o'clock today, the Best Friends Squad will meet up in here for a simple card game. And no-one is allowed to talk about the argument until four o'clock. It'll get us in the right headspace to find a good conclusion." The room falls silent again, and Netty raises her glass of water to Bow as a little toast. Bow beams."It's what my dads used to do when there were family fights. We always made up in the end."
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[Adora.]
"Adora, wake up, seriously." Reality started to crumble away underneath Adora's hands, and when she turned around- "It's just a nightmare. You're fine." Adora sniffed, and discovered that tears were also running down her face in real life. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"Catra was leaning over her, and Adora, feeling very silly just lying there, sat up, still rubbing her eyes. "It's - I was doing CPR, and -"Adora couldn't take a whole breath."And it was you." "Hmm."Catra pulled Adora into a hug."Y'know, ninety-nine per-cent of Etheria would dance on my grave, so you being sad is a bit comforting, at least." " 'Cept Plumeria. They dance on people's graves that they like." "Bloody hell, that's morbid. Remind me never to go there. Anyway, I'm not dying anytime soon. And if I do - please get Netty. She's at least trained."Adora giggled. As an afterthought, Catra added, "Although you've got the healing, so. I'll be alive like it or not." Having pulled herself together slightly, Adora asked, "Good day today?" "Um. Entrapta's fixing that broken kitchen light, so probably yes." "No, I mean you." "Yeah. Fine. Great."Catra got up and started getting dressed. Avoiding the subject, thought Adora.
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[I wrote this chapter as part of a linked pair, but I'm not actually going to write the first one, so]
[i can summarise Split Infinitive: it's the evening. Catra's shoulder hurts more than normal, and in a turn of events, she actually tells adora. adora basically (idk) squishes (?) her shoulder until they both fall asleep (neither wearing their pyjama tshirts). At approx midnight there is a minor technical emergency with darla, which adora, in a hurry, attends wearing catra's pyjama tshirt backwards. the technical issue is resolved and adora returns to bed.]
[so the whole reason for the title (which I don't think you're wondering) is that the singular chapter slightly awkwardly gets split over two dates, because it crosses midnight]
[Adora]
I'm sitting up, yawning, when Catra wakes up too. She looks at me, blearily."Why're you over there?" " 'Cause last night you picked that side." She sits up slowly."Why'm I not wearing a shirt?" "You don't remember last night?"I wouldn't expect her to remember my midnight excursion, for the primary reason that she was asleep, but she should certainly remember the evening. Guilt swoops through my stomach when she turns around a bit."Oh, gosh, sorry, I've bruised your shoulder." She giggles."What happened last night?" "Do you really not re-" "Nah, I'm messing with you. 'Course I remember. Don't worry about it - the bruise, I mean. I can't feel it. Hey, but you look good in green." I look down, and realise why my arms feel rather constricted - I'm still wearing Catra's t-shirt, backwards too, because of the rush I was in when Bow rang the doorbell. I quickly pull it off and hand it back to her. She drops it quite deliberately on the floor, and moves closer to me, twirling a loose strand of my hair around her finger, making my heart go like a hummingbird's."Mm, I think I'll stay like this. For some reason you go so pink when I'm not wearing a shirt. It's really cute."One of her claws traces down my spine. I brush my fingers over her shoulderblade."So, did you sleep better last night?" The claw presses in, just slightly, enough to remind me that it's sharp."Don't push your luck, Princess. I made it clear I wasn't going to discuss it any further." I make the decision to stay silent. Did she make it clear, really? Or does she just think it's assumed, based on the fact that she never tells me anything anyway? "Knock knock? Lights on, house empty?", asks Catra, tapping on my cheek, and I'm brought back to reality. "Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Hi." She kisses just below my ear."It's no fun if you're spaced out." "Sorry.", I mutter. "You don't have to be sorry. You're not s'posed to be doing anything, anyway."She kisses my collarbone."Except enjoying it." At this rate, we'll both be skipping breakfast, and I don't think I mind. She presses another kiss to the top of my sternum, and then murmurs, "Is this okay? You want me to keep going?" It's a balancing act, in my mind. On the one hand, she might hurt herself, or flare up her pain, or use all her energy. But on the other hand, if she's suggesting it that must mean she has enough energy, and in any case she'd act disappointed if I said no (and then, there's the vague idea, echoing in the back of my skull, that perhaps I might want to say yes.) The other hand wins. Is that the theoretical one, or is it Catra's very real hand, cold against my waist, pressing, possessive? I'm not sure."Yes."
[Even I don't know what Catra's motives are in this scene. is she just in a silly mood? is she trying to distract adora? the one thing I do know is that catra finds it very funny to fluster adora. sex is a joke to her really]
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[Glimmer.]
"I'm not scared of anything.", declared Catra. "No, water.", replied Glimmer, staring at her digital map. It looked like this debris-laden corridor was going to go on for a while. "That's a temperature thing." "Hordak, then. He had you under his thumb." "Hardly. I could have killed him any time. I just kept him around or there would have been riots." "Really?", asked Glimmer, sceptical. "Imagine you'd held a coup and deposed your mother. Riots. Figureheads are useful sometimes." "Wow, great example, considering she didn't, you know, die or anything." "Anyway, Hordak was a decent enough scientist. He made himself useful." "Well, you've got to have been scared of Horde Prime. Bow's usually the calm one and he was shaking in his boots." "Bow's the calm one?" "Yeah, we're just that crazy. Anyway, don't go off topic." "Daddy Prime's dead." "When he was alive, though." "Eh. Even Hordak... respected his power." "That's what you call being scared? Bloody hell, you're properly messed up." "Or, you're just boring. Anyway, what did Netty say? 'Crippling self-doubt' - you're scared of failure." "Don't bring Netty into this. I've still got beef with her over that. There was another thing, too-" " 'Overwhelming hubris'." "What, did you, like, memorise it?" Catra's mobile pinged a notification. She ignored it." 'S funny." "To you, maybe. 'Cause you're an actual psycho." "What makes you think that?" "Emotional unavailability.", said Glimmer, with a flourish. Another notification. Catra kept ignoring it."Those're some pretty long words for you. Good job." "I don't know if I've seen you smile more than, like, twice." "Well, the only common factor every time you can see me is your prescence. So, I'm not surprised."Another notification. "Who keeps texting you?" "It'll be Adora."Catra didn't elaborate. "You should probably reply." "She knows I'm fine." "Are you sure that you're exercising empathy?" "Stop psychoanalysing me. She knows I'm fine. There's literally nothing that could possibly have gone wrong. She worries too much." "Should I be insulted that she doesn't worry about me?" "Uh... I don't - watch your head! - know. You probably have better authority on friendship." "Weren't you also her friend for, like, a lot longer?" "From a scientific perspective, there were a lot of complicating variables." "Oh, don't try to convince me you're a scientist." "Hard to hang around Hordak and Entrapta and pick up nothing. Although Scorpia, actually, managed it. Her skull's just that thick." "Don't be mean about Scorpia. She - wait! Got it! You're scared of being close to people." "I told you five minutes ago to stop psychoanalysing me." Glimmer checked her map."I think it's a left here." "Yeah. Left." "But you are?" "I'm right-handed, dumbas-" "Scared of having friends." "Be logical, Sparkles. I'm not scared of Adora, am I? So, you know, QED." "Well, actually, scientifically speaking, th-" "Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."
["She didn't, like, die or anything" - Angella is not actually dead. Functionally, though, she is. There is no way for anything - information, matter, energy, etc - to move out of the Between and into reality.]
[I am a fairly literal writer. One of my friends suggested that "That's a temperature thing." is a metaphor - it's not. Catra just has rubbish autonomic temperature control, and water (cold or hot) makes it worse. She is unaware, until at least T3, that that's generally recognised to be a problem
This is also why Catra is pretty much the only character that consistently mentions the temperature - when you look for it she's complaining about the temperature all over the place]
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Bow had been taught not to run to emergencies - it tended to unsettle people. He felt, however, that the empty corridors zipping past wouldn't mind too much. On the other hand, however, he had to slow down a little for Glimmer, who was still unused to the entire concept of running around. At last they arrived, where at one end of the room - big enough to be a hall, actually, though not decorated as such - was a pile of clones, all supremely incapacitated, and at the other end, Catra knelt with Adora's head elevated slightly onto her lap - Adora, notably, being herself and not She-ra. Bow hurried over."Glimmer, by the door - guard us. Catra? She's breathing, right?" "I'm conscious, you dingbat. GS - GC - whatever. Fifteen.", mumbled Adora. "What's your name?", asked Bow, checking Adora's pupils. "I can heal myself. Just-" "Where does it hurt?" "Head. Catra told you on the radio." "Nothing else?" "No. Now let me heal myself. Can-" "Netty?"Bow was talking into his radio."Skull fractures are always closed, aren't they?" "Yeah. ...Wait, what?!", crackled Netty's voice. Bow turned off the radio."Go ahead." "Wait, Bow, can you swap places with Catra?" Bow looked over at Glimmer, who had clearly been listening in. She was smirking."Yeah, sure.", he replied calmly. Catra handed over the patient, and went to stand a fair distance away, kicking the arm of a clone out of her way. Glimmer raised an eyebrow at her. Catra made a rude gesture at Glimmer. It was nice, at least, to watch Adora glow. It suited her.
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[Bow.]
[honestly not sure what the point of this scene is other than 'catra walks around breaking stuff']
"Agh!"I twist the timer again and again. It doesn't stop ringing - the noise is drilling into my ears. Experimentally, I hold it in the one hand and whack it with the other. Unsurprisingly, this too is unsuccessful. "Is there a fire?"Catra is leaning against the doorframe, watching my effort with mild amusement. "No, just this... darned egg timer. Won't shut up." "Oh, I know how to fix that."She wanders over and takes it from me."This have any sentimental value?" "No, I don't think so." "Cool."She slams it into the table, crushing it. At last, there is silence."You're making boiled eggs, then?" I'm at a slight loss for words."Uh... yeah. For salad. D'you want to help with lunch, or..." She drops the handful of crumpled metal into the bin."No. You haven't seen Entrapta, have you?" "Sorry, I haven't." "Hm. See you later, then."She leaves. After a second, I realise that I probably should have asked her to ask Entrapta to make a new egg timer.
[The second speaker is Catra.]
Adora strolled into the control room."Oh, hey, there you are! Listen, so-" "Stop right there, turn around, and go and put on a jumper or a coat or something. It's freezing." "No, it's not!" Catra got up and walked over to Adora."Yes, it is! How are you alive wearing that?" Adora shrugged."What are you doing here, anyway?" "Entrapta. The hinge on the wardrobe." "I said I'd fix that. I was just going to, this afternoon." "Do I trust you with a screwdriver, though?"Catra twirled a loose strand of Adora's hair around her finger. A ceiling panel fell in, followed by Entrapta."Oh! Sorry! Am I interrupting?" Catra stepped away from Adora, and Adora held her hands up in surrender, saying, "No! Not at all."She was betrayed slightly, in Catra's opinion, by her blush. Luckily Entrapta didn't tend to notice such things. "Wonderful."Entrapta busied herself with deconstructing a panel of switches."I try not to interrupt... people... well, that's corroded, for a start." Catra tilted her head at Entrapta. Are you going to ask her, or should I? Adora looked down. I don't want to. Catra rolled her eyes."Entrapta? I was wondering if you could fix something for me." "Well, that depends."A second went by, and then, "On what it is that needs fixing.", Entrapta clarified. "There's a hinge that broke on the wardrobe door." Something in what Entrapta was working on made an unpleasant snap. She didn't seem particularly concerned."Yes, I can do that, if you'll give me an hour and a half to do this, and then fifteen minutes for lunch, and then another half an hour to call Hordak. So, two and a quarter hours. I'm sure you can manage until then." Adora raised an eyebrow."Are you OK? 'I'm sure you can manage until then' is a bit... mean." "Well, I thought it was funny.", replied Entrapta, dismissively. Catra shrugged at Adora, and they both left. Adora continued with her earlier point."So I talked to Spinny and she said there's enough wool for everyone, y'know, as long as we don't go crazy, so I'm going to put group knitting in the calendar..."
[etc]
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[Catra]
Just three more plates. I can do this. Three more plates, and then fourteen cups, two mugs, a measuring jug and a hell of a lot of cutlery. Fuck, I can't do this. "Y'a'right?", asks Spinny, who's drying the crockery and putting it back in the various cupboards. I close my eyes for a second, and then open them."Yeah, I'm good. I, uh, didn't sleep too well last night."Some other things I failed to do last night were: stay in bed (as opposed to falling out), keep my hip in the correct place (as a result of said fall), or let Adora sleep (as a result of said subluxation). Spinny doesn't need to know any of that, though. "I can take over, if you need. You can go relax. It's no trouble."Spinny pats me on the shoulder. "No, I'm fine." My hands feel horribly warm again, and the same heat is slowly spreading across my chest and face. Everything in my mind and vision is going a bit fuzzy. But I can manage - two plates left. And all the other shit. All the other shit's a problem for Future Catra, though. "Y'know, Netty made me this really nice brooch the other day. All out of some wire and a pair of pliers, apparently!", rambles Spinny. I nod. I'm trying to get away with not speaking, because of the waves of nausea. My hands are shaking now, I think, although it's hard to tell. One plate. "So, all in all, I'm actually considering joining the Etherian Makers Community myself, although, as I say, I've not much talent asides the fibre arts and so on. Not sure they'd let me in." The plates are done. I pick up a cup, and immediately drop it back into the sink. Something slams into my kneecaps - the cupboard door? And then against the back of my head - the floor, I think. Oh, I'm fucked.
[Note ~ you don't have to faint to have POTS. Catra does, because hers is fairly severe and, currently, incredibly poorly managed]
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[The first speaker is Bow.]
"Do you want to sit down?" "No. We're in the middle of a corridor. Why wou-"Catra's tone changed."Why are you asking?" "We've been walking for, like, twenty-five minutes straight. This place is really big." "Twenty-five minutes isn't long." Bow shrugged, with a hint of desparation. "What's Adora told you? 'Cause I can almost guarantee she's lying." "Just to let you sit down. She was pretty insistent about it." "Why's she told you that, then?"The question almost sounded musing - almost. Otherwise, it was interrogative. "I don't know." "You're lying. You and Adora are both terrible liars." "Well, one could argue that that is in fact a positi-" "Answer the question." Bow stopped at a fuse-box and worked on opening the next door. Catra leant against the opposite wall."Well, first you have to bear in mind that I didn't want to be told.", started Bow. "You know I don't - I wouldn't choose to talk about anybody behind their back." "Right, so?" "So, we're in the kitchen, me and Glimmer, and then there's Spinny and Netty at the table playing a game. And Glimmer says to me that Adora said to her that you had chronic pain. And-" "Sorry, when did Adora tell Glimmer this?" "I don't know, she didn't say!" "I asked Adora not to discuss it." "I have no idea. Really, truly. So, Glimmer says that, and Spinny goes, 'Catra? Really? Well, let's look out the window and see the pigs flying', you know, or something to that effect." "Huh." The door slid open and they continued. "Although, I don't know why she was so surprised. Netty definitely wasn't." "And you weren't surprised, either?" "Well... I mean..." "You mean?" "I've never seen Glimmer's teleport affect someone like that. And, for crying out loud, you passed out at dinner! It's not exactly giving 'perfectly healthy'." "Oh, and your opinion is expert, is it?" "You don't have to get all defensive." "I'm not being defensive. I'm asking a question." Bow didn't answer it. He knew when to stop.
[Adora.]
Catra's been acting really cold since Glimmer and I met up with Bow and her to head back to Darla. It's not her fault, I tell myself. She's dealing with a lot. In fact, I stand by my earlier argument that she shouldn't have come along on the mission at all. When we're both in our room, she starts wordlessly changing from the thermals we wear under our spacesuits into her normal clothes. "... Catra? You okay?" She doesn't look at me - keeps buttoning her shoulders."Why wouldn't I be.", she says flatly. "Y-" "That was a question. Tell me why I wouldn't be okay." The conversation's sidestepped into dangerous territory, and I haven't said four words. Did I do something wrong? I honestly have no idea what she could be upset about."I need you to tell m-" "No. No, you tell me. Because apparently you've decided it's okay to do that now."She pulls on her other sock, and then rounds on me, speaking quietly."Why in the ever-living fuck would you think it was okay to tell someone. Not just someone, too - out of everyone in the fucking world you picked fucking Sparkles."I take a step back, and she takes a step forward. There are tears welling in her eyes."I asked you not to talk about it! I trusted that you would be able to keep one little secret! But apparently not!" "I don't know-" "Why the fuck would you tell Sparkles? Out of all the people on this damn ship you choose the one that can make my life hell?" "Catra, I hav-" "Why the fuck would you tell anyone? Is there not enough gossip out here in space? You get bored and start handing out personal information?" "What do you mean?" "What do you mean 'what do I mean'? You've fucking told fucking Sparkles about my- problem! The one I set a boundary about not telling anyone else? That ring a bell?" I sit on the bed calmly."I swear I haven't said a word." "Liar.", she snaps, but she's looking at me with a hint of curiosity. Then, she amends her statement to, "You're a shit liar." I'm not quite sure what that's supposed to mean, but I stay stock-still - tense. Her claws are out. "You're telling the truth." In the silence, I try to think through what's just happened, and find that it doesn't make sense. I was with Glimmer the whole day, and she didn't mention a single thing about Catra's illness. And Catra hasn't talked to Glimmer all day, so it's odd she's so convinced that Glimmer even knows. "Sorry."She looks at the floor, her face all red."I shouldn't've shouted." "It's okay."It's not. But I can tell her that later. "How the fuck.", she says disbelievingly. "Is Netty - but, then, Spinny wouldn't have been surprised. No, she would, because - hold up, it's weirdly specific, right? And Glimmer and Netty aren't good friends." "Uhh... could you just explain your thought process there for a second?" Catra sits near me."Bow told me that Sparkles told everyone else that you told her that I have... um, pain issues. Uh, and then Spinny was surprised, but Bow and Netty weren't. And Bow didn't know before Sparkles shouted it out in the kitchen." "Okay, so, just to clarify, I didn't. Tell Glimmer. Just saying." "Yeah..."Catra lies down, sideways across the bed, and puts an arm over her face. "Are you o-" "I'm thinking. Shush." So... Bow told Ca... wait, so, it started with Glimmer. Me (apparently?), to Glimmer, to Bow and Spinny and Netty, and from Bow to Catra, and from Spinny and Netty to nowhere, I think, especially given that Netty knew already. Spinny was the only one surprised. And that doesn't add up via Bow. "Why wasn't Bow surprised, if you're sure he didn't know beforehand?" "He's observant and I'm obvious." "What?" "I mean, I'm not that good at hiding it, am I?! I- sorry, no shouting. I passed out at frigging dinner. And then again in the kitchen. And there's the teleporting. And the fact that you're treating me like glass. So." But... why was Bow... and Glimmer's the one that teleports. Glimmer didn't notice anythi- if Glimmer knew, she must have been told, and that means- "So, Netty, then. Or, Spinny's a really good actor." "She's not.", replies Catra. "Trust me." "I don't want to blame Netty." Catra sighs."See - that's the thing. Not the not wanting to blame her, but that it's really weird. See, 'cause, if Netty was in the habit of telling Glimmer - who she knows can't keep secrets - why would she not tell Spinny? And why wouldn't she just tell everyone outright, rather than going through Glimmer?" "Um... she wants to shift the bla- hypothetical blame off herself?" "And then you wonder why Netty, of all people, would want to surreptitiously tell everyone I've got problems. There's no motive. And she's usually really good with the privacy thing. Plus, she doesn't hate me - unlike Sparkles." "Glimmer's your friend." "The two things can coexist." Put a pin in Netty on the suspect list. Now, I decide to think laterally - what if people aren't being told, but they just discover things? We've already got Bow being all observant, and Netty too - she diagnosed it. Glimmer's an idiot, is the only problem. Well... there's always... "Entrapta?", I suggest. "What about her? She doesn't talk to anyone." "As far as you know." Catra sits up."Fuck, you're right." "I wouldn't be surprised if she knows, just from, like, sequencing your DNA or something." "Why would she just tell Glimmer, though? Netty and Bow are in the Etherian Makers Community. She knows them better." "She's an opportunist. She just shouts stuff out. Glimmer could easily have overheard, or something." "Gl..."Catra's eyes widen."Holy shit. Sparkles overheard us." "What? Our room is soundproof. All of Darla is." "No, no, no, out on missions. You talk about it - and that's why it's specifically the pain she was talking about! 'Cause that's what you ask about - y'know, is your shoulder okay from that, or does climbing hurt your knees, y'know? Sparkles is fucking eavesdropping on us and she has the fucking audacity to say you told her?" "And she didn't say anything about it to me today. She knows she's in the wrong." "Gossiping bitch." Catra storms toward the door, but I grab her arm."Don't. We can talk about it in a minute. Don't go in angry. Take a breather." She closes her eyes and grits her teeth."Fine."
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[Netty]
06:44 AM I walk into the control room and crack my knuckles."Morning, Darla. Play the Plumerian Woodwind Circle recording of Grow."
"... Between the seams that line your living-room, a vine of ivy's pushing her way through..."
I bop along to the song as I flick switches and make minor decisions about how to circumvent the nearest big space rocks. And maybe I sing along a bit, too."- taught you ought to cut it back. But you-oo-ooou - shut it out! You-oo-ooou - shout it down! Until you're all white-knuckled, you-oo-ooou -" Much to my surprise, Melog joins in, and wiggles its own funny little dance next to me. And it's then that I realise the room's not empty. Catra's sitting on the console, staring out of the window. I quickly stop embarrassing myself, but the music keeps going and so does Melog. I don't think Catra's noticed me looking at her. What's odd is, she's biting her hand. Not, it seems, with any particular intent - just absent-mindedly chewing on the side of it while she watches the planets. She's still in pyjamas, with a blanket loosely wrapped around her, and her hair's sticking out all silly. She switches to biting the base of her thumb: from what I can see of the side of her hand, now, she's not injuring herself, at least. I clear my throat."Catra, love, you okay?" Suddenly she squeaks and jumps, pulling her hand away, and blood starts dripping down her wrist. She tries to wipe it away with her - lilac, mind you - blanket."Uh. Sorry. I thought Melog was still..."She glares at the cat."It was supposed to be invisible with me." "That's alright. Can I ask why you're out here so early?" "Um -" she presses her hand, wrapped in the blanket, closer to her chest - "bored. Y'know. Everyone's asleep, and I don't like the book I'm reading, and space is. Uh. Cool." I smile at her and slow-blink, but it doesn't seem to settle her any."You want a plaster for your hand, or something?" "No. I can fix it myself."She looks at Melog and tilts her head at the door, and then leaves, alien-cat in tow. "- just leave it alone, child, and let it grow.", the song finishes. I get back to piloting the ship in silence.
[before you ask 'why doesn't she just heal it with the she-ra thing' think back to Priorities]
07:12 AM "I can do it myself. You go to breakfast." "I'm really worried that-" "Again. You're worried about me, again. Look in the mirror, Adora - worry about yourself for once, or you'll literally go insane." "Well, when..." "When what?" "Just let me-" "Don't change the subject, when what?" "When... when we have a proper support system. Back on Etheria. Not a half-trained doctor and a bunch of Princesses." "Besides the fact that that's not what you were going to say, the Princesses also think you need to chill. That's what we were talking about, me and Glimmer, on the flagship." "I'm perfectly chill." "She took you to Mystacor, on holiday, once. You ended up fighting the shadows." "Yeah, but Shadow Weaver-" "Is dead. How about, today, we, specifically you, relax a bit? I'll get Spinny to teach you to knit. It's occupational therapy. Very calm." "I'll be calm if I know your hand's properly done up." "Fine."
[Glimmer]
8:02 AM "Awww!", exclaims Bow, when Catra walks into the kitchen. I can't say he's wrong. She's wearing one of the jumpers Casta made Adora - blue, and patterned with sunflowers, and it looks adorable on her. She looks a bit pissed, but I'm pretty sure that's her resting expression. "I'm here for business, not personal comments, Bow.", she growls. "Adora can't relax to save her life I'm setting up a knitting session this afternoon are you in or out very good lovely bye."She walks out again before either of us respond. Bow crosses his hands over his heart."Awwwww. She really cares about Adora. Well, I'm totally in favour of a bit of group knitting. Or should I crochet? Or nålbind? Needle felt, maybe?" "You big nerd.", I grin.
[This scene is relevant to Disbelief. I repeat!: This scene is relevant to Disbelief.]
[Glimmer]
12:55 PM I can feel my face going slightly red, but I said 'truth', so I guess it's kind of my fault."Fine, fine, fine! I may have, like, slightly kinda had a little crush on She-Ra. And maybe. Maybe thought about her pushing me into a wall and kissing me. It's not weird though 'cause Perfuma and Mermista totally had the same thing, though, right?" "Well."Bow pats my shoulder."You weren't alone, certainly." "Guys! I have a girlfriend!", Adora squeaks. Catra smirks. "Truth or dare, then, Adora?", I ask. "Uhhhhh."She shoves the rest of her sandwich into her mouth and says "Deh!" around it, already getting to her feet. "Alright, then, do a cartwheel."I grin evilly at her. She scrunches her nose at me, lines up for a cartwheel in front of an open space, and then does an awkward sort of bunnyhop. Spinny snickers and is about to comment on it, but then Catra mutters, "Shit.", and Adora instantly goes back to sit next to her. "You okay?"Adora puts an arm around Catra and pushes the nearby plates away from her. Catra gestures at the centre of her chest." 'S noth- hic - nothing. Just the - hic - bread. Getting stuck."She grabs her water and drinks half of it in one go, grimacing."Don't let me eat sandwiches." "What do you mean, the bread got stuck?", asks Netty, frowning. Catra shrugs."Bow, your turn. Truth - hic - or dare?"
[Bow]
2:40 PM "You dropped a stitch." Catra glances up at me, and then frowns at her knitting."Did I...?" "Uh. About five, actually. Or. More than that." "It's a style at this point.", she declares. "Scarf à la holes." "Do you want to try crochet? I prefer it."I don't point out that it would probably be easier, what with one of her hands being bandaged. She's unsuccessfully trying to hide it with one of Adora's jumpers. Glimmer's got a running theory that Netty actually followed through on her threat of IV fluids after Catra's hat-trick yesterday; I don't keep running theories, though, because I don't talk behind people's backs. Catra pulls her knitting off the needles and lets it all unravel."Isn't crochet the one with the stabby hook? I'm down for that." Spinny ties off a granny-square and shuffles over to sit next to Catra."I'll teach her. Bow, you carry on with your thing." 3:04 PM Adora reaches for the snippers and cuts her yarn - and then scrambles frantically to stop it all unravelling. She ends up with the snippers in her mouth, the yarn end in one hand, and her one-fifth-of-a-scarf awkwardly clutched in the other. Bow - working on a fairly impressive crochet tapestry of Bright Moon palace - rolls his eyes slightly. For a moment, Adora frowns, thinking up a plan."Catra, can you pass the red? I'm gonna make it a rainbow.", she mumbles over the snippers. Catra drops her own half-assed attempt at a mitten, scoots over to the wool-basket, and chucks the brown, blush-pink, red, maroon, and grey at Adora."Is one of those right?" "Yeah, thanks."Adora drops the snippers, and transfers her scarf-end to her mouth, so she can tie the old and new ends together. It made sense in her head, but nothing seems to be cooperating. After a second, Glimmer yells, "You're actually colourblind? I thought you made that up!" "Why in the fuck would I make it up, Sparkles?", Catra yells back, and tosses a crochet hook at her. "I don't know!" "Well, neither do I!" Bow claps a few times."Calm it, folks. We are meant to be..." he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath - "relaxing."
and the way the shadows on the wall are cast
look like a twisted apparition from the past
and all the memories come flooding ba
11:32 PM "Hey, Catra, hey, it's alright, we're safe. Just breathe. It was a bad dream. I'm here. It's okay."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Bow, who is looking for his set of cards, walks into the control room."You can juggle?" Catra is sitting against the window, juggling four little colourful balls."It's not illegal." "It is, actually, in the southwestern region of the Crimson Waste, but never mind. Why haven't you mentioned you can juggle?" "No-one asked." Bow checks the chair. His cards aren't there."What are you doing here, anyway?" "Entrapta."It's generally accepted by Team Darla that the quickest way to see Entrapta is to wait around in the control room. She'll turn up eventually. "Why?" "I broke something. Figured she could fix it." "Right."Bow's cards aren't anywhere on or underneath the console."When'd you learn to juggle?" "Long time ago. Pretty soon after Adora learned to sew. She made these ones, too, a couple months ago. The original ones are probably somewhere under the Fright Zone." "Have you seen my box of cards?" "You left it in the kitchen." "Oh, right, yeah. My bad. Good luck finding Entrapta, then!" 28 Minutes Later "Entrapta! Hey." "Oh, hello, Catra! I'm just installing some better insulated wires in the acceleration control circuit. What are you doing here? I usually see you with other people. Where are they?" "Not dead, so... anyway, can you fix something for me really quick? I dented this bit of metal. Can you just get rid of the dent?" "Sure. What are you making?" "It's nothing import-" "Ooh, can I make a replica in a better material?" "... Why not." "Well, because it's going to take approximately three hours." "Look, when someone says 'why not', they mean 'yes'. It's not an actual question." "... So that's a yes then?" "Yes." "OK, I'll just leave that here when it's done. Do you want a right one too?" "What?" "This is a left. Do you want a right to match?" "Look, it - I wasn't - how do you even - whatever. Fine." "That's a yes?" "Yes. ...Thank you, Entrapta." "No problem!"
[Catra and Entrapta not quite getting along is partially a practical issue, where Entrapta essentially takes everything at face value, and Catra tends to skip a lot of words: "(my friends are) Not dead, so (it's silly of you to worry)" - Entrapta fails to understand the meaning behind "Not dead, so" and just assumes, as she does in most conversations, that it's one of those occasions that people string random sets of words together for fun. She would research the 'phenomenon', but she's busy.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Spinny.]
[Catra.]
6:37 PM "- and so I told him, well, I don't think she ever actually mentioned you to me, so it's a bit of a reach to say she liked you, not to mention that her liking three -" "Crap - sorry."I've just spilled a forkful of peas on the floor, and they've gone everywhere. As I attempt to herd the little green buggers into a pile, I notice that my hands are shaking. It catches me off-guard and I stare at them for a full three seconds - definitely long enough for everyone else to notice. Even putting all my focus into holding them still, my hands keep trembling. "You good?", asks Glimmer, loud in the silence. I tighten my hands into fists and cross my arms."Yep. Fine." Adora's drumming her fingers on the floor..-- . -.-. .- -. .-.. . .- ...- . I ignore her, because that's what she does when I'm scared or ill, and I'm not either right now - just confused. Netty reaches across, and picks up the jug, and half-refills my glass."If you're less hypovolaemic, the tremor should go away." "It's not a tremor."The dancing water I'm holding says otherwise. Netty shrugs. Seeing as I've decided to stop being a general nuisance, Spinny continues with her story."And so, her liking three people does absolutely not count as everyone in the year. And I don't know how the heck he even knew about the guy in the agriculture school, because he - Bogface, that is - lived on the other side of the valley from this other guy, and from the agriculture school -" Adora's picking at the corners of her fingernails again. I nudge her, and she stops. She's wearing nearly bright blue eyes, and that let-me-help expression. I've no doubt she would be my hands if I needed, but I sort of hate that. I don't want to be dependent. "- so he - Bogface - should have absolutely no excuse to even know the other guy - let's call him Stinky. And, anyway, she only liked Stinky for a month or two, although, let's be honest, he was probably the best option. I realistically like - not like like, just like - him better than her actual husband." If half a glass of water (a full glass would spill) is a hundred milliletres, I've had six hundred milliletres in two minutes. And my hands are still shaking. "But, back to the point. Funniest moment of the entirety of being seventeen was when he - Bogface - went all red and, like, shouted, 'Nope! I'm sure she didn't!', and then probably went to cry in a corner or something. My lot were in absolute hysterics." I don't know quite what possesses me to do it. Having given up, the empty glass now sideways in my hand, I subtly brace one finger against the upturned side and propel it into the floor with a loud crack. It doesn't look broken at first but, when Adora picks it up, it turns out there's a chip in the rim and a long crack running down from that. A bit more force and it would have shattered. "It's OK. It's not your fault.", Adora says, quickly. I once dropped and broke a bowl, and Shadow Weaver broke two of my ribs in return. Granted, it had worked - I'd never made the same mistake. "I'll go and get a broom.", says Bow, ever vigilant on safety, and he leaves. They all think it was an accident. Glimmer's staring awkwardly at the floor. Spinny's giving me a sympathetic look. Netty's frowning, focused on something she's thinking. And Adora's holding my right hand, steadying it. The left one, however, is still. Fucking. Shaking. A bit less violently, I'll give it that, though. Bow returns, bearing a dustpan, brush, and microfibre cloth. Deciding myself excused from the meal, I get up and leave. Adora follows me, as usual. I'm a health and safety risk alone. 9:50 PM Adora's brushing her fingers through my hair. I'm stubbornly facing the wall, so I can't see her, but I'd rather she can't read my face. "Three days until the next stop.", she says, trying to make small talk. I don't do small talk. It's pointless. In response to my silence, she tries, "It's not your fault. Breaking the glass. It really doesn't matter, to anyone." "It is my fault. I broke it on purpose." It takes her a moment, I think, to decide if I'm lying."Why?" "I don't know."I'm being honest here. Probably, I could consider it some more and get some real answers, but that's more Perfuma's territory, and I don't like her much. Adora sits up, and puts a hand on my forehead, checking for a temperature. I sit up too, pushing her away. My back hurts, and my head spins - telling me to lie down again - but I ignore it."What, you think I have to be delirious with fever to make stupid decisions?" "No, I -" "Not everything wrong with me is because I'm sick, or whatever. Sometimes I'm just a horrible person and there's no excuse like 'sorry I killed you, my hands just tend to pull levers of their own accord', so-" "That's-" "- stop treating me like I'm not responsible for my own actions. Blame me for something, put me in prison, kill me, I don't care, just stop acting like it's not my fault. I want something to be my fault for once." Adora 'hugs' me. It's too careful to be a real hug, and has been for a while. She doesn't say anything. "And, stop treating me like I'm delicate. I'm not delicate. I would rather you crushed me like Scorpia than whatever this is." She moves away from me, tentative, face all red. I'm being mean to her, aren't I? "Sorry."Quite abruptly, I lie down again, facing the wall, letting tears fall across the bridge of my nose and down the side of my face. I'm a horrible person. I'm a burden on everyone. I don't know why Adora doesn't hate me, or, for that matter, Bow and Spinny, and I don't know why Netty bothers with trying to treat me because I don't cooperate anyway. At least I can rationalise Glimmer. It's easier, a lot of the time, to argue with Glimmer, than to put up with people caring about me. The room is lit up slightly blue. Adora must be text-messaging with someone.
[Did you notice the specificity of " 'sorry I killed you, my hands just tend to pull levers' "? This is as close as it gets to her admitting she's guilty over Angella]
[The tremor was going to be a separate scene called (Not) Your Fault but I merged it with the original Porcelain II, which focused solely on Adora being too careful]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
15:44 "What is that?" "I don't know, but it's following us."Bow's voice is shaking as Team Darla all stare at the holograph of the little ship tailing us. Netty tries to take charge."They might need aid. We should open a line with them." "Absolutely not!", yells Glimmer. "Do you know what happens when you just blindly trust everything and everyone? Horde Prime is what happens!" "It looks to be an old-style Horde craft. No comms system to speak of.", comments Entrapta, and then all hell breaks loose. "I think we should try to-" "It's unbelievably risky-" "-mpassion and empathy i-" "-ow, as Queen I order y-" "- responsibility! I can't d-" I don't think Netty wants to be involved - she's trying to calm it all down; I'm not even trying to be heard, and neither is Entrapta, who's pulled down her mask and covered her ears, and neither is Catra, who I think would probably like to do the same. "-e are sentient beings with-" "- so all in favour of-" "- about to have a panic atta-" "EVERYONE! SHUT! UP!" We all stare at Glimmer, who's summoned her staff, slamming it into the floor with each word - and she's fuming."I am your Queen! And I declare that, if this ship's armed like Darla's sensors say it is, and it would be a hassle to have them dock anyway, not to mention the idiocy of assuming it's peaceful - we escape. Take Darla up to max speed and lose the tail. That's an order." Bow stands up from the command chair."You're going to have to find someone else to do that, then. There's no actual indicator that that ship's not peaceful, and given our location, it's likely to need aid. I say-" "Oh, because innocent-until-proven-guilty worked in the past, did it?" "Shadow Weaver was way proven guilty!", interrupts Spinny. "You were just ignoring all the evidence! Did you ever ask Adora, say, 'this woman I'm learning magic from, she abusive or what'? No, because you were too-" "You can't just ask people-" "-e're getting off topic-" "- in distress, and I won't- "-rowing daisies! It's not exa-" "- body language speaks vo-" "- stretch of space where -" I don't know how long I should give it until I intervene. As She-Ra, I'm technically the mission leader, but I still have yet to actually exercise my power. The team usually sorts itself out. "- the lack of thought that-" "- am I really that one that's n-" "-ve boosted our maximum velocity-" "- so I'm a shit girlfriend, am -" "-he ability to sympathise with-" There's a lot about Shadow Weaver being thrown around. My mind still stalls every time I try to think about her - it's drowned every memory out in static. I've never told Catra, and she's never brought it up. Bow's tried, on several occasions, and we both ignored him. Trying to pretend she didn't exist. To get my mind off Shadow Weaver, I feel Catra's pulse. It's fast but she looks fine otherwise, aside from the dark circles under her eyes. She didn't sleep last night. At all. "-w many supplies they'll demand-" "- rational conversation!-" "- we need to make a group dec-" "- elephant in the room is Shado-" "-an't make decisions! Are you stu-" "- shut up, shut up, shut up! I-" "-arla's getting very anxious a-" Entrapta's fingers are pressed into her skull and she's started to rock back and forth slightly. No-one else seems to have noticed. Enough. I'm the mission lead, and I'm not having this. I transform into She-Ra, and stride over and throw my sword onto the floor amidst the arguing group. They fall silent."Make a damn DECISION!", I yell. "I don't care what. Just use the administrator powers, and SORT IT OUT! You're GROWN-ASS ADULTS!" Rather calmer now, I nod at Entrapta - although I don't know if her eyes are open behind that mask - and turn back into myself before I grab Catra's hand and walk out. 16:03 Bow is nearly crying, pacing up and down the short length of the bedroom."Do you remember when we first met Adora, and all we wanted to do was rebuild the Princess Alliance? I have the horrible feeling that if you went back in time, you wouldn't do the same." The pink pillow that he's propped up in bed doesn't respond. "No. Um... I have the horrible feeling that you'd disagree with the original... no. I have the horrible feeling that you don't think that ethos applies to you any more." Glimmer's currently taking the first watch shift. It was decided among them to leave it for a day, with constant supervision, so that a proper decision could be made, and to watch out for any attempt at manual communication. "We only promised... we promised only... we all promised... we promised together that we'd look after the people being attacked by the Horde. And is this any different, if that ship's got refugees from the Horde in it? Just because they're not Etherian - no, that's not it. Just because it could be clones - is it not worth taking the chance? Aren't you the one who would take any chance to save people? Invading the Fright Zone, without permission, multiple times. Going off everywhere alone. Trusting Shadow Weaver. Standing up to Prime. They were all chances, and they mostly worked out, right? What's wrong with this, then? I... ugh."He chucks himself into bed, wiping at his face with his sleeve. One of Casta's jumpers."I don't want to argue with you, Glimmer, but this is unreasonable. You're being unreasonable.", he tells the pillow. It would be quite the entrance if Glimmer burst through the door right now, but she doesn't. And it is lonely.
[Adora. Pretty wordy scene, this]
20:30 We're having a debate. Netty, who's presiding, is calling it a 'debate' because she's only letting one person speak at a time. Doesn't make it any less cutthroat than earlier's argument. "- it would be an utter fallacy to believe our follower at all trustworthy.", concludes Glimmer. Oh, yeah - it's also a 'debate' because we're all speaking in the proper dialect. Catra and I are trying to, anyway. "Thank you, Queen Glimmer. May our next speaker from the House stand." Bow gets up, and drops the piece of paper he's holding. It flutters across the room to Glimmer, who crumples it up and lobs it back to him. He catches it, smooths it out, and clears his throat."This House believes that it is a matter of natural compassion that we speak with and provide any assistance to the passengers of the craft following us. It is likely, in this barren stretch of space, that they require aid - and we are advantageously positioned to provide this, what with our abundance of supplies, and considerable technological skill."He inclines his head at Entrapta, who's sitting with Glimmer and Catra in the 'opposition' group."To flee from what is likely a group of fellow people in distress is to do no better than to act as bystanders to suffering. It would go against our ethos - are we not the Princess Alliance, who would go above and beyond to help those in need? And, lest we forget, should the interaction not go in our favour, we are supported by She-Ra: I find it impossible to imagine that the hero that defeated the Horde could find any difficulty in rescuing us from danger. There is no fathomable reason that we should not trust this craft." "Thank you, Commander Bow. May our next speaker from the Opposition stand." Entrapta doesn't quite stand up - just elevates herself on a platform of hair. She looks at Bow for a second and then clears her throat, but doesn't speak - just presses a button on her recording device."Nineteen hundred and twenty one hours. Recording a script. Title: no title given. Return. Return. Speech begins line three. This House believes that we should not, unless necessary, interact with the ship that is currently following us. Return. That ship is a style that was used by Horde Prime approximately three hundred years ago. Any, by two hundred and eighty-one days ago, that were still functional were used until breaking in far-flung colonies and short-distance flights on dead planets. Return. In the situation that this is a ship from a far colony, it will contain refugees, in which case assistance ought to be provided. However, this eventuality is unlikely. Refugees should, according to logic, not attempt to travel towards their invader's empire, especially if they are aware that this empire drained planets of all usable resources. Return. It is far more likely that this ship is from a dead planet, in which case it could only be inhabited by rogue clones, which would be aware of Darla's appearance-" As Entrapta's speech continues, I notice Melog, who Catra was leaning against, get up and headbutt her in the shoulder, quietly going, "Mau." "- up to thirty clones, if this is a class B ship, which contained more efficiently spaced stasis chambers. I am unable to currently determine whether-" Catra holds up a hand to me, fingers together - don't follow. I'm actually surprised I remember; I haven't used Ciaran's signals since I left the Horde. She leaves along with Melog. Glimmer looks mightily annoyed that the Opposition has lost its third speaker. I hope Catra's OK. "- statistically significant chance of death of at least one team member. Return. All information sourced within one hour of recording from Hordak, acting leader of Dryl, and Wrong Hordak of Dryl residence. Return. Thank you. Script ends."The recorder clicks and Entrapta sits back on the floor. "Thank you, Princess Entrapta. May the next speaker from the House stand." Ooh, boy, it's me. I unfold the paper that my arguments are written on. My index finger smears red on one corner - great. My fingernail's bleeding. Excellent start."I am She-Ra. My purpose, according to all the stories of my triumph, and according to all that is expected of me and the standards that I hold myself to, is to help those in need.I decide to ad-lib a bit. Is this how debates work?"Entrapta has told us that there is a chance, however small, that the ship contains refugees from Horde Prime's deb-i-cable - despicable - tyranny."Shouldn't have borrowed Bow's thesaurus, should I? I'm back on-script now, at least."I firmly believe that any chance undertaken to protect people is worth the risk. And, as the strongest fighter on our team, I'm fully willing to shoulder every bit of that risk. I've taken on much greater foes than just, like, thirty clones."Agh. Proper speech doesn't use the word 'like' as a filler. I probably sound so stupid."As for 'statistically significant death'? I think we've - we have - got that covered. We are an unlikely group in the first place, and we have survived the effects of three interconnected wars. Just one little ship can't make - cannot make any difference. And the fight, if any, would be on our terms. Therefore..."Crap. I forgot to write a conclusion."Therefore, we should treat that ship like it's innocent, and... attempt to provide aid." "Thank you, Princess She-Ra, slash, Adora. We've lost our final Opposition speaker, so... the debate is over. We will reconvene - all of us - at a seven o'clock breakfast tomorrow for the final vote, and a calm discussion of next steps. Thank you. Dismissed."Netty catches my arm as I head toward the door."Seven, or..." - she waves a hand in the air - "whenever. Just let me know. Alright?" I nod, and leave. Bow's taking next shift. I'm not on 'til 2AM. Catra's sitting on the bed, tossing a felt mouse back and forth with Melog, who's now about a fifth of its usual size."Hey, Adora." "Hi. You okay?" "Yeah. Fine." "Anything wrong? You need salt? Need a hug?" "No, no, and later." Melog squashes against me, purring loudly. I have a sudden idea, and hold out both of my hands to it."This hand is yes. This hand is no. Got it?" It rubs its face against the yes hand. Catra's frowning at me. "When you start talking to Catra and trying to shove her over, is that an alert that she's about to faint?" Yes. Catra's staring at the corner. She looks so tired. "And am I right that she ignored you? Last week, and then she had a really bad episode." Yes. She's still determinedly ignoring me. "And has she fainted just now? And then told me 'no, nothing's wrong'? 'Cause it that's true, I don't think I'm very happy with that." Melog doesn't answer - just curls into my lap. Catra side-eyes me."Not properly.", she mutters. "Not all the way unconscious." "Still, it's not nothing." "You worry way too much. I'm fine." I scoot over to sit next to her. Melog, irritated that its comfortable cushion has the audacity to move, walks through the wall that adjoins Spinny and Netty's room. I stroke the fur behind Catra's ears."You're tired. You need to sleep."I start to unbutton the shoulders of her shirt. She at least has to take that off, although her shorts and socks and everything else are soft enough to sleep in. "Do I, though?"She slides one cold hand up the back of my shirt, and uses my moment of shock to lean in and give me a quick kiss. I gently push her away."Not now." She's tracing circles in the small of my back."You need to relax a bit. C'mon. It's not even late in the evening." "No." "Fine."She unzips the side of her shirt and drops it onto the floor beside the bed, then lies down. I turn the lights off and lie down too. Today's been exhausting.
[I don't think I've clarified (this might actually be the first time that I've even mentioned purring) that Catra can and does purr. However, most of the time, in the presence of anyone other than just Adora it's either inaudible or absent. And neither Adora nor Catra ever notice it when she does, because they're both so used to it.]
[Unless actually stated otherwise, for the duration of T3 and TD, assume that the characters are in their season 5 outfits or some reasonable variation.]
[One of my favourite details I've ever written is Entrapta copying Bow clearing his throat because do you remember in 'Flowers for She-ra' (the Plumeria episode) when Adora's acting all tough and Bow looks at her and copies her and aaaa it's so cute whenever characters do that]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Bow.]
We're landing on Altais today and, as usual, it's my job - along with Spinnerella - to make sure we land safely. As usual, I get to the control room, my cheese-toastie breakfast in hand, much earlier than her. As is not usual, Catra's in the control room when I get there. I'm a little confused, since she won't be on this mission; she hasn't been on any since July; and, in any case, she isn't much interested in any of the skill and physics behind spaceflight. It occurs to me then that it's likelier she just didn't know there was a mission today. She's dressed in pyjamas, arms crossed, scowling at me, and it looks like I've interrupted her from pacing around the room. "Argue with Adora?", I ask, in what I hope is a compassionate tone. "No."There's a sharp register to her quiet voice."I'm just walking. Not illegal, is it?" "... Anything I can help with?" "No."She leaves, and I half-expect her to knock into me on purpose - I'm still standing by the door - but she doesn't. As she passes, I notice her arms aren't so much crossed as wrapped around her. Right. Well. Altais, t-minus four hours.
[Adora.]
"Hey, Catra." Catra stops in the doorway."You're awake. It's early." "Yeah, you were out of... bed, are you okay?"Adora puts down her work and strides over to Catra, who steps away from her, almost out into the corridor. Adora freezes, confused. Scared."Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?" "No. 'Course not. I just went for a walk."Her tone is muted. Far too quiet. "At five in the morning? No, you didn't." Catra glares at her."Can I get in the room or what?" Adora moves aside, and Catra goes in, sitting on the edge of the bed and gingerly uncrossing her right arm. The door closes. "It's okay."Adora sits next to Catra and places one hand on her back, and the other on her bad shoulder. They both hear Melog hiss from above them. "No- no, stop. Don't..."Catra's breathing is uneven and quick, her claws slicing tiny holes into the blanket."Just don't touch me... for a minute." Nervously, Adora keeps one hand hovering near Catra's left, to stop her hitting her head on the ladder if she falls."Can you tell me what's wrong?" "I've slipped a rib, or something. It's -" she pauses to take a shaky breath - "happened before. Fixes itself eventually." "How long is 'eventually'? And when did this happen before? At Bright Moon? In the Horde?" "I don't know. I can't think. My br... brain's not working."She closes her eyes and bows her head."Hurts like hell. And I... can't breathe enough." Adora shuffles over and opens the second bedside-table drawer."You can-" "I've already had two." "Oh. When?" "Like, an hour ago." Adora checks through the rest of the stuff. Tape, braces, socks - nothing helpful. Well, the tape would be, except she doesn't know how to do ribs."I could go ask Netty if-" "It's five AM, idiot." "Fine!", exclaims Adora. "You can just sit there, then. Or, if you feel like letting me help at all, I could go get you some ice, or a heated beanbag. Whichever." "Uh... is it ice? For bruises?" "Yeah, it is - can I have a look, actually? And what actually happened? You just woke up with it, or you fell, or...?" "You're not going to like it." "I don't care."This is a barefaced lie. Adora hates seeing bruises on Catra. Every single time, the overwhelming feeling of not being able - allowed - to help returns to her. Catra pulls up her shirt. There's a three-inch bruise, bluish already, on the right side of her back."You were sleep-fighting last night. I got a... bit caught in the crossfire. But it's fine. It's... fine. It's not at all your fault. I don't blame... you in any way and you - no... seriously, I will be super... mad if you think y... you're to blame." "OK. OK, don't tire yourself out.", whispers Adora. "I can tire my...self out as much as I damn... well like. I'm... an adult." Adora carefully brushes away the hair that's fallen over Catra's face."I am so s-" "Didn't you say you were... getting ice? For one... one thing, your heroics is slow...ing that down. So drop it. You... were asleep." "Sorry. Sorry, I'll - sorry."Adora takes two steps toward the door, and then turns around and sits back on the bed."Sorry, just-" "Shut up." "Apologies. Just, before I go - is there any more comfortable way you could be sitting right now?" "No." "OK. Alright. Sor-" "I told you... to shut up." Adora leaves, and Catra leans over so that her head's resting against her knees, teeth gritted, eyes shut tight.
[Frosta.]
"That's... more beautiful than anything I've ever seen.", said Perfuma softly, reaching out to feel the cold radiating off the Heart Blossom. Frosta grinned. She was working deliberately slowly - she could have iced the tree, probably the whole communal area, in a matter of seconds, but sometimes it was nice to watch the crystals slowly forming in their complex fractals, reflecting the pinkish light of dawn. There was a drought in Plumeria, as there always was at the tail end of its summer, but this time, an attack by a Loyalist group had cut off the water supplies that ran from the Thay source to Plumeria, and all the buckets of water slowly carted over from the Verlach weren't doing anything for the wilting plants. Perfuma had tried her best to take care of it up until now, and Mermista was still incredibly busy rebuilding Salineas, so Frosta - an unorthodox backup option - had been called in to help. The idea was to attack at the heatwave's source, and cool down the whole area. As the ice crystals reached the centre of the Heart Blossom, permeating its essence and already beginning to chill the air, Frosta manipulated their formation so that they looked like leaf veins, and spread the pattern all over the Runestone. Perfuma beamed when she saw it."It looks so alive." "I do my best.", replied Frosta, with the newfound attitude of a teenager. "We must have a party in your honour."Snowdrops started to bloom at the base of the tree, spreading out to surround their feet and encircle the clearing."Elowyn! Liss! Sound the celebration chimes. And someone get the theatre company!- but don't, actually, if they're high!"Frosta raised an eyebrow."...ly commended.", dodged Perfuma. "Highly commended. They're excellent. But - it - they may be unavailable, also." A silent exchange took place between Perfuma's and Frosta's eyes, and they both eventually descended into giggles. "By the Magic, Frosta, I'd make a terrible mother, wouldn't I? I've no idea what not to say in front of kids!" "Eh. I don't think so." "Really?" Frosta gave her a shy smile."Yeah. You're fun, and all. Way better than Micah - he tries too hard. Treats me like a baby all the time." "I get you. Francis - that's my parent, and the last Princess of Plumeria - was like that. I was always helpless in their opinion. So, of course, I moved away and changed my name and farmed for four years, but that's a story for another time."She giggled, and watched everyone getting the party ready. On one side, there were bowls and platters filled with food that Frosta'd never encountered - green, bulbous fruits, and bread covered in seeds or twisted into ribbons, and thin soups, and great halves of mushrooms - the size of bowls themselves - filled with all sorts, and palm-sized rounds of cheese. On the other side, there were more bowls - these ones filled with paint, which was smeared by skilled thumbs into intricate patterns on peoples' skin; there were musicians, not playing yet, but still there was music from children singing to their compatriots' efforts at skipping and hopscotching, and of course the gentle, musical patter of conversation. Elowyn and Liss - the ones from earlier - turned up at the tree line and gave an enthusiastic thumbs-down to Perfuma, who nodded her understanding."Sorry. No theatre company." "It's cool. I'll just have to come another time." When at last the clearing seemed full, Perfuma raised a hand, and quiet slowly fell."We're having this party in honour of the Princess Frosta, who is cooling down our afflicted lands! Let us begin!", she announced, and a cheer went up, and the music began. After only a second, it dropped again, and the people were suddenly completely silent, all staring at the new arrival, who was more than slightly red in the face. "Scorpia!", cried Perfuma, and then she ran over to plant a kiss on her cheek."What are you doing here, dear?" "I - whoo, sorry, out of breath. Man, navigating a forest without breaking anything really takes it out of you. See, this is why I said you should have connected the main road completely to the town."She slowly took in the scene."Heard you had Frosta over, and I got here as fast as I could. But you're having a party without telling me?" A crown of light-pink apple blossom appeared on Scorpia's head."I was feeling spontaneous."Perfuma lifted Scorpia's claw into the air."We've also got the Princess Scorpia in attendance, as it happens! The fates have truly blessed us today. Let us - finally - begin!"A cheer went up again, and the party restarted. "Hey, buddy!", said Scorpia, kneeling down to hug Frosta."I swear you've changed your hair. Right?" "Uhh... I guess it's grown?" "No, I must be thinking of something else. Doesn't matter. Oh, wow, you did that? That is awesome!" Frosta couldn't help but smile proudly. A lot of people were admiring her work on the Heart Blossom. Artistry was an aspect of her power that she'd not had a lot of opportunity to explore in the past years. A jaunty tune struck up, and Perfuma said excitedly, "Oh! I love this one. Let me teach you the dance. Just copy me." Both Scorpia and Frosta had no idea how to dance with the fluidity of a Plumerian, and had limited success in attempting to imitate it, on several occasions falling on their faces. They had a brilliant time, though.
[One of my favourite scenes in Destiny Part 2 is Scorpia, Perfuma and Frosta all hugging each other in the woods. They make such a cute little family]
[Bow again!]
The others'll be back any time. As has become tradition, the team members left behind on Darla - today that's me and Catra, since Altais is magical - wait in the 'cloakroom' (which is arguably a spacesuitroom) for them to arrive. I'm leaning against the wall tracking their location when Catra turns up and sits on the bench. I didn't see her at lunch - she's been hiding all day, in fact - and she still looks just as angry as early this morning. She ignores me, but I decide to make overtures anyway."Everything okay?" "Yeah." "Are you sure you and Adora..." She giggles coldly."Should be more worried about you and Sparkles." "Oh, no, we sorted that all out. I mean, it really comes down to the fact that we were both wrong. Yeah, it was clones, but, y'know - we were too slow. So it works out."She doesn't look remotely interested."So, what was up this morning, then?" One of her ears folds back."Nothing you need to worry about." "Okay. I'm here to talk, though, anytime." She smiles down at the floor. The door slides open and I jump in shock - I'd completely forgotten what we were here for. Glimmer looks radiant, sparkling round the edges and chatting excitedly with Spinny. Netty's playing with a little dim blue force in her hand. Adora - it's Adora, not She-Ra - looks unbefittingly serious. She hurries over and sits next to Catra, taking off her space helmet. I tune out everyone else's conversations and go over to kiss Glimmer. I'm overjoyed every time I see the glitter of magic in her eyes."Have fun?" "Oh, yeah. We saw the cutest little chameleons and I really wanted to pet them but they ran away when I got close. And, there was this massive lake and y'know what we saw over it? Fireflies! Like at Bright Moon! And Adora did her magic thing, and you could, like, feel it brightening up. It was amazing." "I'm glad to hear it."I plant another kiss on the end of her nose, and she giggles. "Should probably take off this spacesuit."She's not making any particular effort to do so. "Right, yeah." It looks like Adora's not bothering, aside from the helmet, which she's left on the bench rather than tidying it into a cubby. I can only assume she'll be back later. Glimmer's still hugging me. I'll leave it up to her to decide when to stop. I love the quiet, shining little feeling of magic on my skin. Like I'm back at the library, playing Pirates in the garden.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I walk in and sigh heavily when I see that the bartender's a rehabbed clone. It's not that I have a personal vendetta against their species - actually, no, scratch that, I do. God, but that was a boring couple weeks. Never thought I'd recover. Not to mention, of course, that the lot of them are dunces. But there's not much I can do about it. I slide into a seat."Give me a dry martini. Stat.", I snap. I cannot do this sober. He stares at me for a second, and then pulls out a glass, wipes the inside with a paper towel, and places the glass in front of me. I glare at the clone."And the drink?" "It is dry, brother." Something about being called brother flicks that switch in me that yearns for violence. I'm nobody's brother. I'm nobody's anything. What I am, on a practical level, though, is undercover, and I can't afford another run-in with the authorities. They'll start joining the dots at some point. I satisfy myself by muttering a string of expletives under my breath, and then demanding, "Get me a margarita then. Can you manage that?" The clone nods, and disappears through a door. I can't bring myself to be concerned with what he's doing. After a while, someone in a hooded cloak slips into the seat next to me. "Flutterina?" "At your service. If you're 'Mya'."The muscular figure doesn't look much like a 'Mya', but I live by an ethos of non-judgement. Unless it's necessary, of course. "Eight thousand." I slam my fist into the table, not caring that people are staring at us. I look harmless, anyway. I'm not going to get kicked out."Are you bullshitting me?", I hiss. "I want fifty. Upfront." "Forty grand in cash." "Done." "Third location. 8D18. 3H40."The stranger slips away, and I'm left waiting for my drink. Waiting a long time, actually - I'm considering giving up and writing a letter of complaint to the manager - when the clone reappears from the back room and places a pizza in front of me. "Your margherita, brother." Oh, I so want to stab him. But since I actually have an appointment 'round here in a couple days, I really can't give in to the temptation, hard as it is. So I put on my sweetest smile, loudly call him a word Satan wouldn't whisper, and flounce out of there. I'm already composing the letter of complaint in my head, and it is poetry.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra.]
It's pasta for lunch today. "Why are you two always wrapped around each other?", complains Glimmer as soon as we sit down. I make no effort to move from where I am, leaning comfortably against Adora. I think it's unfair to say that I'm always 'wrapped around' Adora. Yes, I tend to hold her hand when standing and walking; to keep my balance; and yes, I won't sit on the floor unless Adora's there - upon reflection, in fact, Glimmer may be justified from her perspective. I still don't care."What's your problem with it?", I ask her, irritably. "It's gross." Adora begins to pick at the corner of her thumbnail with her little finger. "I'm sorry. I was under the impression you were a grown-ass adult with a boyfriend. Am I wrong?" Glimmer punches Bow lightly in the shoulder. He, for his part, is looking characteristically awkward."See, but look at the distance between us." "Got to leave room for God.", I say sarcastically, grabbing Adora's hand before her thumbs are bleeding again. Spinny gets involved."You shouldn't say that. There's a whole religious community in the Crimson Waste -" "Just stop being all romantic in the control room!", shouts Glimmer. "- the faith actually means a lot to-" I move one micrometre to the right, and Adora shifts to the left, careful to keep her shoulder behind my neck."You happy, Sparkles?" She sulks. I ignore it. "- tradition of hundreds of years. And-"
[Glimmer's jealousy strikes again.]
[Catra is lying to herself when she says "I won't". There is a distinction between won't and can't.]
[Adora can't stand up for Catra, specifically, against people she also loves (re: shadow weaver). Adora hates this about herself.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
I've known, for the past thirty minutes, that Catra's staring at me. It's not that I don't like it - but she's just making it a bit harder to focus. I'm trying to run drills with Glimmer, and even though I'm She-Ra, she keeps getting the theoretical upper hand over me. Granted, she's allowed to use her staff and I'm not allowed my sword, and we're focusing on agility - not my best point - but it's a little embarrassing. Especially when, every time I mess up, Catra raises an eyebrow just a bit, and that's exactly how she used to look at me when we were sparring and she was beating me. A little smug twitch of the eyebrow - I've won this - and then she'd suddenly let up and give me the point. Glimmer isn't going to do that any time soon, though - she keeps getting me on the defensive, and every time she does, Catra shouts something like "Go Sparkles!" or "Kick her ass!", which is inevitably accompanied by a spike in Glimmer's vigour. I doesn't surprise me by now, what with the amount I've seen her fight, just how hard that staff can hit, but to actually have it whack full-force into my shoulder-blade is shocking to say the least. "Oof.", exclaims Glimmer, as though she were the one that got hit."Sorry. Didn't mean it like that. You should probably take a minute." "Mm-hmm.", I manage to squeak. Catra gets up, but I hold up a hand to stop her while I focus on healing the bruise that's about to appear. Once I'm done, it still hurts, but I'm back to fighting form - after a quick breather. I wait to make sure the surface-level magic's dissipated before joining in Catra and Glimmer's conversation, because, as I expected, Catra's leaning on me as soon as I'm next to her. "Hey, Princess." "Hey."I give Catra a soft smile. Glimmer makes a silly face. Catra reaches up, and taps the side of my tiara with one claw."We were just wondering - does this thing come off? It looks kinda stupid. Like massive golden ears." "Oh, look who's talking about massive ears." "I thought you liked them."She rests her head against my arm, looking up at me with fake sweetness."I mean, just last night, you-" "Shut up."She's bluffing, and I could easily call her out on it - last night, I wanted to stay up reading, but she chucked my book to Melog, who sat on it, and we thus went unceremoniously to sleep - but I'll let her have this one. Even just because it's making Glimmer giggle. "You won't know unless you try.", says Glimmer, gesturing at the tiara with her staff. I take a hold of the headpiece by its 'ears', and it slides off fairly easily - it's just held on by brackets around the jaw, like Catra's mask. Now that I can actually see it in front of me, the 'ears' look more like wings, in my opinion. I open my mouth to say something, but Glimmer and Catra seem to be having some sort of intense nonverbal exchange that I can't for the life of me interpret, except that Catra's clearly on the disapproving end. Eventually the silence has gone on too long."Am I missing something, or..." "Depends.", replies Catra, tracing the outline of the tiara's mask component. "On what?" Her claw makes a slight scraping noise along the edge of the metal."That's up to you." I can feel my face going red - does it show up on She-Ra's perfect skin? Glimmer's staff taps slightly on the floor as she readjusts herself."So, we gonna just stand around here?" "Keep your knacks on, Sparkles."Catra takes the tiara out of my hand and frames it against her face. It's far too big, but she looks good in gold. I run my hand down her spine, and she grins up at me. " 'Cause this is getting graphic, and my dad didn't say I could watch adult theatre." Not looking away from me, Catra gives Glimmer a middle finger."We're sharing a moment, gutterbrain."Her jaw brushes against the tiara when she speaks, and I could swear I feel it like it's an extension of my face."Anyway, I've seen you and Bow do way worse shit when you were drunk." "Adora, if you don't move in the next five seconds, I'm gonna start fighting you whether you're ready or not. Five - fo-" "Okay! Okay!"I put the tiara back on, and return to the centre of the room, rolling my still-sore shoulder in its socket."Well. Break a leg." Glimmer raises an eyebrow, smirking."Oh, I will."
[the "intense nonverbal exchange" was something like 'why the heck did you not already know she-ra could take her clothes off' 'shut up Sparkles' 'I'm just saying, you've had the opportunity for, like, six months' 'if you follow up with and she-ra is hot I will eviscerate you']
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
10:01 AM The mist and cloud of the upper atmosphere dissipate, and a planet comes into view.“Al-righty! Here we are. Virelia!”, squeaks Entrapta excitedly. Spinny hums.“Not very green.” This is an understatement – the ground is nothing but hilly grey dust, save for occasional broken-down clone spires, and a bluish blob on the horizon. That would be the Virelia dome - technically, a 'triangulated isocahedron' (Entrapta's words, not Adora's) made of hundreds of glass panels - where a rag-tag group of several thousand people live. It doesn’t take long to get to the outside of the dome, where there is a clearly marked square of flat ground for spaceship landing. “Outside communication channel requested.”, announces Darla. “Allow it.”, replies Bow, who is sitting in the command chair. A voice crackles over the radio, blurred with static so that it’s half-inaudible.“Please state your origin and purpose.” “She-Ra and a team of others from Etheria. We’re here to help out with the magic restoration movement.” “Do you require permanent asylum?” “No. Just visiting.” There are a couple of voices, completely inaudible, on the other side of the radio, and then the first speaker returns.“Alright. You’ll be transported into the dome on count of three. One –“ Entrapta carefully examines the thick glass wall in front of Darla. Adora notices that it doesn’t look like any sort of a door. “Two –“ “I think they’ve got a mechanical teleport! That’s so cool!”, says Entrapta. “Three.” “Teleport? I don’t think that’s –“ Crack. Adora’s ears are ringing, and she blinks the spots out of her eyes.“Augh, that was horrible.”The thing it feels closest to is how it is to be teleported by Glimmer when she’s drunk - it's sort of like all her bones and organs have been jigsaw-puzzled together slightly wrong. Spinny is leaning over, hands on her knees, breathing heavily. Netty is clicking her fingers on both sides of her head. Bow is rubbing his eyes. Glimmer, who seems mostly unaffected, is saying, “Fucking hell. Not again.”, and glaring at Catra, who has collapsed. Effing hell. Not again. Adora kneels down next to her. It’s the same as usual – ‘usual’ being that Catra refuses to sit down when no-one else is, and ends up bruised all down one side where she hit the floor.“I’ll just take her – “ Adora gestures in the direction of their bedroom. She picks up Catra and gets halfway to the door before Netty says, “Hold up.”Netty picks up Catra’s limp hand and presses a thumb into the back of it. The pale spot stays stubbornly in place.“Yeah, second thoughts, take her to the med room. I’ll… I’m going to stay on Darla, I think.” “Oh. Sorry.”Adora feels genuinely terrible that Netty has to skip Virelia. “It’s fine. Better that I stay behind than, y’know, She-Ra does.” Glimmer interrupts.“Yep, we’re all very sorry, great. But, y’know, let’s get a move on. They’re expecting us outside.”
["picks up Catra's limp hand... stubbornly in place" - this is a capillary refill test, like a quick indicator for circulation. Typically done on the fingernails but, like, obviously, opaque claws]
[You see a very selective view of things, because otherwise, it would be boring - but actually, in the whole 5 months of TD, Catra only ever faints 6 times in front of anyone except Adora - three times in the control room, twice in the kitchen, and once in the corridor.]
[Iadeon is pronounced "Jayden". Take that as you will.]
2:40 PM Iadeon shook everyone’s hand again.“Thank you, again, so much for visiting. If there’s anything you need for your mission…” “I was wondering if there was a way out that wasn’t teleporting?”, asked Adora. “Look, I know it’s not elegant, but the teleport is way easier to run than the airlock.” “No, it’s just, one of the crew members –“ “Anaemic? Yep, there’s always one. Sorry, can’t make exceptions.” “No, it’s –“ “I don’t know how I can explain myself more clearly. We’re not going to go through all the bother of preparing the airlock just so one person can have a better day. The number of times I’ve had to explain this – you’d think it’s common sense.” Entrapta jumped into the conversation.“Actually, your mechanical teleport isn’t ideal for Darla. It weakens the soldering. The teleport could break some of the essential systems.” Iadeon sighed.“Fine. I’ll go and speak to Aphyr. You get back in your ship, and we’ll radio in. Look, sorry to end on a bad note. Thank you, again, She-Ra. You’ve done so much for Virelia.” The team got back to the cloakroom. “If a teleport can break the solder,” Bow was asking Entrapta, “Have you considered replacing it? At least, in the essential systems?” “It can’t.”Entrapta giggled.“I lied.” Adora would have been impressed, but she was distracted. She pulled off her spacesuit, not bothering to put it away properly, and headed to the med room. “Oh, hey.”Netty took her feet off the desk and stood up as the front two legs of her chair were reunited with the floor. Considering her job, Adora thought, Netty was a little blasé about health and safety. Catra was lying on the bed, seemingly asleep. There was a blanket draped over her, and one arm on top of it, attached to a blood pressure monitor and a pulse ox. Adora held her hand. She didn’t respond. “She’s basically fine, I think.”, said Netty. “Blood pressure like a sieve, obviously, and I gave her some pretty strong painkillers, but… pretty much fine. I was waiting for you to get back to move her. I, uh, had to take off her shirt and socks for the ECG, so… but anyway. Try to get her to eat something. And drink some water.” Netty detached Catra from the monitors, and Adora wrapped the blanket better around Catra and picked her up. The corridors were quiet. Everyone was probably in the control room, watching Virelia's atmosphere go by. Melog was waiting in the bedroom.“Mau.” “Yeah, not right now.” “Mau.”It batted a little felt mouse at Adora. “Maybe later.” I know she's already awake, when I return from a terse and quiet dinner, because she's breathing all shallow again. I sit next to her, and brush the hair back from her face. Her eyes are closed but she unflattens the ear that's facing upwards. "How are you feeling?", I ask. "... Be'r than ever." "Ha, ha. I'm being serious." "An' I'm not." "Just tell me how you're feeling." "I don'know. Bad." "Do you want me to get Netty-" "No. Had enough'f'er. Nosy bitch." Catra's acting weird. It's not the deflection, or the openly insulting Netossa, that tells me that - it's that she'd never say outright that she's feeling bad. The meds Netty gave her are clearly strong stuff, if she's still out of it."Can I get you something to eat?" "No."She opens one eye - the yellow one - and then shuts it again quickly, so I dim the lights. "Tell me what you need. OK?" "I want Shadow Weaver."Her voice is high-pitched and lonely. My heart drops through the floor."Sh... she's not here." "Adoraaaa. Jus' go get her." How is Catra this far from reality, and still in too much pain to sit up?"I can't."What's the time? Nearly seven. Two hours left, then, because apparently the painkillers are supposed to be at twelve-hour intervals. "Adora." I gently hold her hand - it's cold. She doesn't make any effort to reciprocate."I'm sorry. Shadow Weaver's not here."Catra seems to have stopped wanting to talk, so I make the most of the moment. She's not listening, anyway."I... I don't know if I miss Shadow Weaver or not. And that's bad, isn't it? 'Cause she hurt you. But - I don't know. It always felt like she wanted the best for me. Even though I know, obviously, she didn't. She was - manipulating me. But I miss her. I want to see her again. I just want her to tell me I'm doing good. 'Cause I feel like no-one says that anymore. They just let me do my own thing. 'Specially with... you. But - but I shouldn't miss Shadow Weaver. She hurt us both. She was in my mind for- heck, she's still in my mind. Manipulating me. Making me miss her which - and, at least Gl-" "Mgh." It takes me a second to realise I'm gripping Catra's hand like an anchor."Sorry. Sorry, I didn't m... sorry." "Stop it. You're too sorry." I have no idea how to respond to that, so I borrow from Catra's playbook and derail the conversation."I can make toast? Soup? Porridge? Fruit?" "No."Her hand starts actually holding mine, albeit lightly. "What, then? You have to eat." "Mm... no. Jus' stay here? A bit?" "OK."I'm tired too. I lie down next to Catra, careful not to move my hand or hers. It's easier to see the slight set of her jaw, and the dim gleam of her eyes, from this angle. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. I've got to be awake, or Catra'll be stuck, lonely and without dinner, and hurting. And that's not fair on her. She's already had too many years' worth of it. And the fact that Shadow Weaver made us all - her and me and everyone - believe that she deserved it. And the fact that I watched and I knew everything - more than anyone else except Shadow Weaver and Catra themselves - and I did nothing. I stood there and I let it happen and all I offered Catra were stolen moments that we could pretend were a semblance of safety. And the fact that she's still managing to get under both our skin, when she's been dead for months. Dead and gone and never-see-her-again and- "You're doing good." Crap I was just about to fall asleep. I pinch the back of my hand to wake myself up."What?" "I said, you're doing good. Y'know, good job at... staying."Her thumb runs carefully over the stinging skin that I pinched. "Oh."I look up, trying to blink the tears away. Her claws are suddenly - involuntarily, I think - out, and her eyes are wide open - even though the light hurts - darting across my face. "I'm not mad.", I hurriedly reassure her. "I'm feeling a lot of things, right now, but I'm not mad." She relaxes a bit."OK."She sounds hesitant. Why do I keep ruining everything? I need to keep my stupid emotions in check. I disentangle my hand from hers and get up, wiping my face with my sleeve."I'll get you some dinner. Yeah?"I doubt she's going to eat anything, because she'll feel like she's being spoon-fed, but... it's about the only thing I can do for her right now. "No. Stay.", she pleads. I sit carefully back on the bed."OK. I'm here. I'm not leaving." Funny thing is, she looks completely normal, at least as far as I can see in this light. She just looks asleep. You'd never see that earlier, she sobbed until she passed out from the pain - three times before I found a more comfortable way for her to lie. And earlier, Netty was very much skirting around what Catra was like just after waking up this morning, so I can only guess that it was worse. And I can't do anything. I'm She-Ra, for - Mara? Light Hope? 'God'? Angella? - someone's sake, anyway. My name is synonymous with magic. But all that'll do is make it worse. I hate being a regular person. I hate being regular-person useless.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Netty.]
3:14 AM I open my eyes to the sound of crashing. It’s my books falling off the shelves as the ship stalls. This I can see by the red emergency lights that cast weird shadows on everything. I try the lightswitch. Nothing happens. “What’s going on?”Spinny’s awake too. I pull on my dressing gown, and hand her her own, and we head to the control room. We’re the first ones there, swiftly followed by Glimmer and Bow, and then Entrapta falling in from the ceiling – does she even use her own bedroom? – and then Adora. Entrapta takes charge.“Darla’s taken a small asteroid impact to the hull. I can get her up and running again no problem, but I’ll have to head out.”Her eyes are sparkling with anticipation. “You need any help?”, asks Bow. “No, thanks! You’d only really get in the way. You’re not assistant material.”Still grinning like a madman, and leaving poor Bow slightly stunned, Entrapta starts putting on her spacesuit, which she keeps behind a wall - I really suspect she is living in the walls like an actual demon.“Also, the impact site’s not far from some of the navigation and life support so if anything else hits us we’ll definitely die. OK? See ya later!” The door seals behind her with a thud. “For the honour of Grayskull!”The tired girl in the blue pyjamas turns into She-Ra. It’s slightly comforting. We all stand in front of the window – She-Ra, the Bright Moon archer, and three useless magic-less princesses. Entrapta’s underneath the ship, so we can’t see her (although we can hear her over the radio talking about electrics, or whatever), but we can keep a watchful eye on the space dust that’s floating vaguely around the ship. Dust can’t hurt us. It still scares me. After an embarrassingly short amount of time, us three princesses give up our watch and end up sitting on the dysfunctional console, leaning against the window and close to an inviting forty winks. I’m leaning against my wife, and she has her arm around Glimmer, who looks chilly in just her nightie. After an interminable space of time, the door opens. She-Ra drops her sword, but before it can hit the floor she’s Adora again, and hurrying toward Catra, who is leaning wearily against the doorframe. She doesn’t look too good.“What are you doing? I told you to stay there.”They're speaking in low voices, but all the surfaces in this room are reflective. “I wanted to see what was going on.” “You need to rest.” “You try that when you’re in outer space and the spaceship is broken.” “Entrapta’s fixing it. C’mon, let’s go back.” Catra, not really in a position to protest, goes with Adora. As the door slides shut on them, I notice that their outfits are matching. It’s sweet, except that Adora’s pyjamas are too big on Catra, and it makes her look small. Glimmer’s asleep now, and Spinny’s draped her dressing gown around the Queen. The heating’s been deactivated, so I hug Spinny and share my warmth as best I can while we stand next to Bow, watching Entrapta horse around in space under the guise of ‘checking for other traumas to Darla’. Eventually Entrapta gets back to the control room, and just as the lights turn back on again, Adora – alone again – turns up too. “Oh. Great. It’s fixed. Thanks, guys.”She turns around and walks away again. Spinny, Glimmer and I head back to our rooms too, leaving Bow to go over the technical aspects with Darla. I kick my books into a pile in the corner, out of the way. It’s too early in the morning to be shelving them. 1:15 PM Adora puts two slices of toast in the toaster. “Go fish.”, I say. Spinny doesn’t pick up a new card. She’s trying to give me a meaningful look. I’ve tried to explain to her, many times, that I’m not telepathic, and still she decides to make silly faces instead of actually talking in any sort of language. “What do you mean?” She widens her eyes at me, and then exaggeratedly nods her head over at Adora, wiggling her eyebrows and making a sad-face mouth. “Just speak.” “Say the… what you were talking about earlier.”, she mutters, still tilting her head at Adora and raising her eyebrows. “I talk about a lot of things and I remember none of them.” Adora turns around.“Am I missing something?” “Clearly. So am I.”, I reply, making my own silly face at Spinny. I immediately feel bad, because Spinny looks uncomfortably down at her hand of cards.“You were saying, earlier, Netty, about the… about Etheria.” Ah. Yes. I remember now. “What about it?”Adora sits down at the table with us. Not in a formal sort of way, but my heart still sinks, because now I’m stuck in the conversation. I rest my head in my hand and try to formulate the words.“Adora, Catra’s not well.” “I know.” “And we’re in space.” “Yep, I know that, too.” “And we were supposed to stay here until January.” Adora's face falls like a child that's just been told Miðanhrim's cancelled.“We can’t go back early!” “Realistically, though, Catra can only get the medical care she needs back home.” The toaster pops out its toast. Adora doesn’t go to get it. Spinny pats Adora’s hand, and says, “You’re allowed to be sad about both things.” “And,” I add, “Nothing’s on paper yet. We could stay the whole time. Depending on how things go.” “Mm.”, says Adora, probably not listening to me.She gets up and continues making lunch.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[The first speaker is Glimmer.]
Glimmer walks into the kitchen, where Adora is making breakfast.“Morning, Adora.” “Hi.” “Keeping up the vigil today, or have you got time for anyone else?” “Don’t be like that.” “Well, sorry for asking a question.” “Try to be nice. I’m doing my best.” “Be great if you could expand that definition to include your friends.” “You’re a queen. Act like it.” “When you start acting like the Adora I knew, yeah, I will.” “I can’t be a teenager forever.” “ ‘Cause you’re so responsible now.” “Stop trying to pick a fight. I haven’t done anything.” “Yeah, that’s the problem.” Adora sees no point in continuing to argue with Glimmer. She continues making breakfast, in silence. “Oh, right, you’re just going to act like I’m not here? That’s really mature. Whatever. Have fun in the hermitage.”Glimmer leaves.
[I once saw a post that said: "How can you love Catra but hate Glimmer? They're two cheeks on the same ass." Aside from that exquisite turn of phrase, I disagree. Both characters' fundamental flaw is that they are very stubborn. However, Catra is stubborn because she used to be powerless, and is so unused to getting her own way, whereas Glimmer is stubborn because she has always been powerful and is so used to getting her own way. Therefore, where context is the independent variable, the motivations that they will be stubborn about are different. QED.]
"Ado~ra.", says Catra, in that tone she's always used when I get something wrong. I close the cupboard door and turn around."Everything OK?"She looks fine. Same as she did ten seconds ago, apart from the little smile. "You're not. What's up?", she asks. "What?"I have an inkling of what she's noticed. Just a slight 100%-certain idea. Best to clarify first, though. "You're acting less anxious than usual." Oh. Right. ...Hold on, though-"Wait, what?" She dangles a felt mouse by its tail in front of Melog."Y'know, you've been getting me to walk around, and stuff. And kind-of-sort-of pressuring me - just a bit, and it's fine, it's good, actually - into having lunch with everyone else today. And I appreciate it and everything, but it's... not you. You would be telling me to rest." "I... sorry. I shouldn't have pre-" "I said, it's a good thing. Y'know, like - like I'm - part of, uh, the - team. So." I sit next to her, and put an arm around her. She's soft - she's wearing the blue-sunflower jumper that Casta made me."You don't have to go to lunch if you don't want." "That's not what I'm getting at. What I'm saying is that you-" she pokes me in the arm - "are acting kind of weird." "Sorry." "I don't want an apology - there's no need for one. I want an explanation." "Uhm."I fidget with my hands."Glimmer was being mean to me." Catra makes a fist."I'll kick her ass-" "No, let me finish. And, seriously, don't start another fight with her. Anyway... so... Glimmer was just - I don't know, she was acting upset. Stupid and childish. And she said - no, she implied you aren't important. And I got mad so I stopped talking to her and then she got mad." "OK, but why do you... why are... how does that connect to... to me not resting? Which - as I said - I'm fine with. I don't need more rest." Yes, she does. Her hands are covered by the jumper sleeves and crossed in her lap to hide the tremor - which she thinks I haven't noticed."She said... we were in a 'hermitage' doing a 'vidg-el'. And I looked it up and so it turns out she said were were in a monastery being religious. And... I guess..."I shrug. Perfuma made this look so easy. "She said we were hiding, so you were trying to get me up and about, to prove her wrong.", finishes Catra. I give her a quick kiss."Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Though - obviously - if you-" "I've said multiple times it's fine."She leans her head on my shoulder."Unless you had other ideas involving the bed?" "Uh, no!", I reply, rather louder than I meant to. Melog stares at me, wide-eyed. Catra giggles."Coward."
[Catra handles interpersonal conflict childishly and describes it maturely. Adora handles conflict maturely but describes it childishly. When things go right, they work well together, and when things go wrong, someone tries to kill off a planet. Not naming names, or anything.]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Entrapta popped out of a wall panel into the kitchen."Hiya, Catra! What're you making?" Catra rubbed one of her eyes."Number one, could you not talk so loud? Number two, what I'm making is a mess out of lunch, so, that's great." "Sorry.", Entrapta whispered theatrically. "What are you trying to make?" "Salad. It's not cooperating. I really fucking can't be bothered to do this."Catra leaned against the worksurface and closed her eyes. Entrapta's voice returned to its normal volume."What time can I expect lunch to be ready? Oh, and if you're making salad, I would like the components to be separate, please, and not wet." "It'll be ready when it's ready." "Will there be those little crunchy bread bits in it? Make sure those don't get soggy, either, at all." Catra hissed once."Make your own damn salad." Entrapta looked at the floor, and started to fidget with her hair."I can't. I don't have time - I'm busy piloting Darla back to Etheria. Sorry for making you mad. It's just, I can't eat it if it's wrong." Catra slid down to sit on the floor where she was, leaning against the cupboard door."I'm not mad. Look, can - please could - you get Adora?" "Ohhh, you're not feeling well again?", realised Entrapta. "Sure, I'll go get her!"
[Catra]
Those're Adora's footsteps - good. Not that I could do much if it wasn't her, but still. "Hey, Adora.", I mutter. The footsteps stop, still a distance away from me."You're awake?" "What were you expecting?"Automatic response. I already know what she was expecting. "Well, Entrapta barrelled in and yelled "Catra fell on the floor; query assistance provided by Adora!" and then popped straight back out, so. Y'know."She kneels next to me."What's up, then?"She's trying to sound soft, but I can hear the tension in her voice. I've been doing well the past couple days - I think she was hoping it would last until we got home. "Just tired. Headache." "Okay. Let's go back to bed, yeah?"She waits several moments for me to move, but I don't. My body feels like lead. So she puts one arm under my knees, and the other under my back, and shifts me to lean against her. I recognise the fabric by my face, and then, not trusting my senses, open my eyes slightly. Adora's in sports kit, and her hair's up in a slightly messy ponytail."Were you training?" "Bow and I were doing laps around the control room. Just to see who'd tap out first." "Oh. Sorry.", I murmur, closing my eyes again. She giggles."It's okay. I think Bow was starting to flag. I would've totally won."And then she adjusts how she's holding me a little."This okay? I'm not gonna hurt you?" "No. It's fine."That's an outright lie. When she lifts me, the awkward position makes my spine light up like a fireworks show, and I grit my teeth to stay silent, and Adora doesn't notice. After a far-too-long-stretch of time, I'm being put down in bed. Adora's side of the bed, because it's closer. It smells nice. Adora pulls the blanket over me. "I'll take your lunch duty. And, um, what do you want for lunch? I'll make anything."She runs her fingers through my hair, and it takes me several seconds to realise that I've started purring. I pull the blanket over my head."I don't want anything." "You like fish and chips. I'll make that." "Yeah, fine, whatever."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
06:22 AM "It hurts.", Catra mumbles. Adora holds her tighter, and doesn't stop gently rocking."I know. Just - just twenty minutes or so until the meds kick in. Yeah?" Catra moves slightly, but nothing will dislodge the knives stabbing all down one side of her back. So she whines into Adora's shoulder instead. "I was reading, yesterday. Apparently swearing helps with pain.", Adora whispers. "Yeah, well, why do you think I kept - why'd'you think I kept."Catra's claws scratch slightly deeper into Adora's back."Kept getting pr- pre- reprimanded for foul language." "Oh, Catra.", Adora murmurs. "That was years ago." Catra laughs once, but that hurts, so she stops."And no-one. Fucking. Noticed." "... Sorry." Catra's usually the first and loudest to tell Adora to stop being sorry, but she doesn't correct her this time. 08:03 AM "Am I allowed to get dressed?" "No. You're twenty-one now, so you get twenty-one birthday kisses.", declares Glimmer stubbornly, planting another one square on Bow's ear. He sighs, smiles, and leans back into her side. 02:50 PM "I can't believe this is the first birthday party you've ever been to, Catra!", Glimmer yells. Catra crosses her arms."I've been to plenty of parties, thanks very much." "Yeah, but birthday parties are different."Bouncing already, Glimmer hurries over to the sound controls."Who's on music first?" "I can.", volunteers Adora. Glimmer rolls her eyes."You're new to Etherian culture, too. Spinny - you're on music. Let's get this party started!" There's musical statues, and musical chairs, and (after a particularly violent round of the latter) sleeping lions, and then - when she's waiting for the cake to bake - Netty brings in a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey she has for some reason, and after a few games of that the blindfold is commandeered for some marco-polo, and then the cake is ready. It's a rainbow cake, and a little bit silly, and all designed by Glimmer: there's a tiny iced figurine of Bow and his bow, and on the other side of the cake a Glimmer figurine with a heart arrow pointing into her chest."Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Bo-ww... happy birthday to you." Everyone but Catra - including Entrapta, by the way, who turned up for the mini party food - makes some sort of attempt to sing along, even if it's just to enthusiastically and somewhat-accurately mouth along, like Adora. Bow blows out the candles and closes his eyes to make a wish, and Netty cheers, and Spinny says "Bless your heart.", and Entrapta loudly recites "Many happy returns!", and Adora says "Well done." because she feels like she ought to say something. Glimmer grabs his face and kisses him for a long eight seconds, leaving him red-faced and a bit breathless."There you go, that's number twenty-one." 09:02 PM "Catra? Are you going to have a shower? It might make you feel better." "I'm tired." " 'Cause - only 'cause, you didn't yesterday, or the day before that-" "I'm tired." "If you need help with anything, I'm always there for you." "I don't need help." "Are you... are you sure?" "Go away. I'm tired." 09:15 PM "-s th- b-tter?"Adora gently runs her thumb down Catra's back, where the knives still are. They're not going away. Catra tips her head forward, getting soap in her eyes on purpose."Mm."She can't hear too well - never could in the shower. Her ears get wet and stuck to her head, and anyway, the water's so loud. High-pitched and irritating. Adora holds Catra's hand."-m s-r-. I -ow y- do- -i- bei- ca-d -or." "Hm."Catra leans back against Adora, trying to ignore her heart thudding in her head and arms.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sorry - just using this as an event marker - I will actually put a chapter here but it's currently in about 3 pieces all of which I don't likeBasically Team Darla get back to Etheria
[From this point on, it is assumed that, unless described otherwise:
- Catra wears, pretty much all the time, a white/cream button-down shirt with 3/4 sleeves, a pair of brown trousers, and dark brown compression socks with the heels and toes cut out. No shoes. When it's cold, she wears a dark-red jumper, and when it's rainy, she wears a dark-red raincoat and black boots. Her pyjamas are light green shorts and a matching t-shirt. At parties, she tends to wear a red suit.
- Adora wears a whole bunch of different clothes - dresses, skirts, dungarees, shorts, capes, long stripy socks, etc. When it rains, she carries an umbrella rather than wearing a coat. Her pyjamas are light-blue shorts and a matching t-shirt. At parties, she'll tend to wear a white or blue dress.
- Bow now doesn't constantly wear armour, because there's no need. He wears cropped t-shirts and complementary trousers, and comfortable shoes, and occasionally something that Casta made. His pyjamas have already been described in detail in Dawn. When it rains, he wears one of his dads' old anoraks that was probably made before Hordak showed up. At parties, he'll tend to wear Bright Moon formalwear including a blue cape.
- Glimmer expands the range of her fashion within the ballpark of Bright Moon royal dress, but retains a favour for the simple leotard and tights. She likes to show off her wing birthmarks when she can. When it's cold, though, she is always in an oversized jumper. She avoids the rain by teleporting, rather than dressing for bad weather. At parties,. she'll tend to wear much of the same, plus a blue cape that matches Bow's.
- Kyle absolutely wears skirts and he looks so cute in them
- Scorpia wears her Princess Prom / Lynda dress at every opportunity and it never gets old
- Micah wears one hearing aid due to brain damage from the chip
And then the rest of the characters just vary their outfits within conceivable bounds. Whatever you imagine first is probably fine.]
Also, just a slight warning, the whole of Post is very patchy. You'll see a bunch of missing numbers and scenes and stuff. I'm working on it I promise
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
I'm exhausted. There's so much to do, now we're back on Etheria, and since I don't even live at Bright Moon anymore, I keep having to walk back and forth from the palace and transform back and forth between myself and She-Ra for all the random admin tasks I've got to do. And I have to keep explaining to people over and over - no, I mean lie to people over and over - why Team Darla's back early. The official line is that it's because Spinny's pregnant - and, granted, that's true, but she only found out about a week and a half ago. I'm also exhausted because Catra can't really help with the whole moving house thing. Netty - she and Spinny are our new next-door neighbours, by the way - has been helping out as much as possible, but I've still spent most of my time in-between tasks shifting furniture around. I just have to take this winter duvet upstairs, and then I'll probably lie down then and there and have a nap. I can go an hour or two without answering calls. Glimmer'll underst
what
It takes me a moment to piece together precisely what's just happened. I must have missed a step and fallen, because I'm lying awkwardly halfway up the stairs, and my head hurts quite a bit, and my ankle hurts quite a lot. "Mau?" Crap it's Melog. I find my hand somewhere under the duvet avalanche, and wave at it."Don't get Catra. Please. I'm all good." "Mauu." "Seriously, stay here. Don't interrupt the meeting."Well, on the calendar it's a meeting. In reality, Catra's having tea with Scorpia in some coffee shop in the middle of town. It would be mean to worry her - I'm actually fine, or at least I will be in a minute. "Mau." "Not helpful."I pull myself into a slightly more comfortable position, but my head starts to ache intensely."For the honour of Grayskull.", I mutter. Normally I can transform without even thinking, but right now She-Ra seems almost miffed to be brought out for something so trivial. Well, she'll just have to put up with it. Battlefield training, or, at least, battlefield trial and error, has taught me that turning into She-Ra should have reset my ankle (assuming it's broken in the first place, which I don't think it is), so I've just got to heal it. As soon as I start glowing, Melog trots over and snuggles into me, and I pet it while I heal.
[ambiguous-level-of-fun fact: it was indeed broken]
[i haven't written anything yet about spinny and netty's child, but i do know his name - Aki]
[generally if i say at Bright Moon I'll mean the palace, and in Bright Moon I'll mean the town]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
I try to show up for Adora, I really do, but this is dumb. Bright Moon is hosting a kids' meet-and-greet with She-Ra, and a bunch of the Alliance's showed up, so I'm trying to stay as much out of the way as possible.
can you even be trusted around children
The only other non-Princess adults here are Bow and Sea Hawk, and besides the fact I'd rather die than talk to the latter, they're both great entertainers. Granted, Sea Hawk is rather on the self-aggrandising end of things, and Bow's telling stories of what everyone else did in the war, but it amounts to the same thing.
he must have been five. a quarter your age
The only person here who's approximately on my level of enthusiasm is Mermista, and she's not talking to me either, which is understandable. I did kind-of nearly destroy her kingdom. Mermista and Sea Hawk's wedding invites came out a few days ago - it was pretty clear that Adora's welcome and I'm not. It took about four hours of convincing to get Adora to RSVP.
what did he even do? he didn't know he was in your way
"Hey, Catra!", calls Adora. She's showing me something, but it's too small to see from here, so I wander over. Adora's holding a tiny doll in one hand, and the hand of a little girl in the other."This is Leucin, and she's five. Look, she made this for me!" It's a really nice doll - about three inches tall, clearly made from scraps, with neat little stitches and button eyes and yellow wool hair. It's She-Ra; the old version, anyway. Leucin smiles up at me, and I'm a little surprised. And then it occurs to me that I've got altogether too used to looking threatening.
his blood on your hands, and you had to pretend you were fine with it, because there were soldiers watching
I smile forcedly back."I'll be in my office.", I mutter, and head for the door, carefully avoiding the children. "Catra?", asks Adora, and she probably keeps talking, but I can't hear over the noise, and then the ballroom door's shut and it's quiet. Apart from one voice.
you are shadow weaver
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"So. How can I help you," - he checked the paper - "Catra?" Catra stared into the corner."...I- uhm."She tapped her heels on the floor faster."Fainted. A lot." Westaby - that's what his name badge said - gave her a calm smile."Anything else? Or just that?"There was a sticker on the front of Catra's file - ex-Horde. They'd been her idea, but she'd never thought it would apply to her, or at least, hadn't cared. She definitely cared now - everyone who saw it was treating her like an unexploded bomb. She stayed silent. She couldn't speak. "Catra? Is there something wrong? We can go to a different room, if you'd like. Or would you like to see someone else?", asked Westaby. More silence. Too much. Adora squeezed Catra's hand, lightly, once. "Would there be an easier way for you to communicate?"Westaby pulled out some cards - bright, large-lettered, with pictures on. .--- ..- ... - - . .-.. .... .. --, Catra tapped on the back of Adora's hand. -.-- --- ..- -.- -. --- .-- . ...- . .-. -.-- - .... .. -. --. "I can speak for her.", volunteered Adora hesitantly. Westaby gave her a brief nod and turned back to Catra."And you're happy with..."He looked over at Adora. "Adora. Her girlfriend." " 'Adora' doing that?" Catra gave a single, sharp nod. "Alrighty, then. If it's okay, I'll keep speaking to you, so it doesn't feel like Adora and I are talking behind your back, but Adora can answer however she likes." Catra nodded again. She was slightly uncomfortable - she hadn't sat properly in a chair; that is, not pulling her feet up; since way back in the Horde. "So. Anything else, other than fainting?" Adora glanced nervously at Catra before answering."Yeah. Joint pain, dislocations, hypotension, tachycardia, insomnia, and a bunch of other stuff. You can, uh, guess the differential diagnosis." "Right."Westaby put on a pair of glasses and squinted at Catra."I'm very sorry. That doesn't sound pleasant. Just out of curiousity, though - is Adora a medical student?" "No, I-" "No.", interrupted Catra. "While we're here you can go ahead and say she has anxiety." Westaby raised an eyebrow at Adora."You'll have to make another appointment for that."He pulled a small pile of forms out of his desk drawer and started writing."I'm going to refer you to rheumatology, cardiology, and OT. Rheum can refer you to physio once you're officially diagnosed, although, I have to agree with Adora. It's pretty obviously fibromyalgia." "Uh, no. We were thinking EDS." Westaby smiled blandly at Adora."Hm. We'll see. Now, Catra, would you mind if I did some quick tests on you?" --- -.- "She says it's okay." "Alrighty then."He went over to the cupboard, and brought back a blood-pressure monitor and a pulse ox."This is a pulse oximeter. It just clips onto your finger, and it doesn't hur-" "Yeah.", muttered Catra. Adora translated, "We've used these before. We were, um, on a space mission. There was a med room." Westaby looked up at Adora, surprised, then back at the pulse ox, then back at Adora in shock."She-Ra?" "Um."Adora fidgeted with her skirt."Yep. That's me." "My Fates. I thought the name Adora was familiar. But - you have healing powers? Surely." Adora took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. This was a question she'd answered at least twice on Darla, and she hated it."Yes, I can heal, but it does not work on Catra." Westaby stared at her for another couple of seconds, and then he seemed to pull himself back together."Could I put this on your finger, please, Catra?"She let him, but after a minute, the little machine was still drawing a blank."Hm. Poor circulation. Never mind. You're stressed - it wouldn't be accurate. Alright, are you familiar with a blood pressure monitor?" This one had stickers on it. Catra nodded, and rolled up her sleeve. "Now, it's going to get very tight on your arm. Let me or Adora know if you're uncomfortable. Yes?" Again, Catra nodded. "There. Starting now."The machine whirred familiarly, and after a while, hissed."Eighty-eight fifty-five. Are you feeling dizzy, right now, at all?" -. --- "No.", said Adora. "Okay, then. How would you say you're coping with your symptoms, in general?" Adora glanced at Catra again. --. --- .- .... . .- -.. "Not really coping. Uh... she has lots of water and salt, and stuff, and compression socks, and some joint supports, and she takes a lot of, like, basic painkillers." "So, what do you mean by 'not really'?" "She has a fainting episode more than once a week. It used to be less than once a month. And she's not sleeping properly 'cause of the pain, and that just makes everything else worse." Westaby leaned back in his chair."For now, I can recommend wearing some sort of abdominal compression garment. Might work better than the socks. Keep it up with the salt and water, and try to get lots of exercise. I can't give you any specific medication until there's a concrete diagnosis, but if you're on a lot of NSAIDS, you'll need to take something to stop you getting stomach ulcers."He scribbled something on a bit of paper and handed it to Adora."Just give that to the pharmacy. Alright. Well. I'll write up your patient report form. Is there anything you'd like in the notes?" -. --- "Make sure you mention EDS somewhere.", improvised Adora. Westaby gave the same blank smile."Mm, okay, sure. And I'll send off those referrals - you'll be given your appointment times in the post. Now, Adora, while you're here, can I book you in too? For the anxiety concern." "Oh. No."Adora grinned humourlessly."That was just a joke. I'm fi-" "Nooo, it wasn't.", muttered Catra. "I- I don't need anything. Seriously." Westaby sighed."Have a nice day, then." "Thank you. Bye.", said Adora. Not looking at him still, Catra waved goodbye.
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[Adora]
why am i not good enough why can't i help Catra why am i so stupid why do i only care about myself why don't i hate Shadow Weaver why am i so selfish why am i not trying hard enough why is catra still in pain why can't i be a good She-Ra why didn't i step in why are Glimmer and Bow so damn happy when i can't go a week without crying why am i only thinking about myself
[Catra]
"In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." It's muscle memory, at this point, to recite Perfuma's breathing exercise to Adora. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." I'm hugging her as far as I can, but we're in a slightly awkward place - on the floor, leaning against the wardrobe. Nothing like how she cuddles me - she'll lift me into her lap, and cradle me against her, and it's warm, and safe, and I can't do that for her. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." It's hard to remember how long Adora's had panic attacks, because they used to be way less frequent. Ten years, maybe? Shadow Weaver called them tantrums. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." I've been going on at Adora for not taking seriously enough the fact that she's having way too many these days. Even George and Lance have noticed - they called me both times she spiralled at the library after making some silly translation mistake. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." At least Adora's on the waiting list for therapy. It's a pretty long list, as you'd imagine, after a war. So I'm doing everyone a favour by avoiding it. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." I'm not even sure what caused this particular panic attack. The tipping point, I know, was my wrist subluxating for the third time today, but Adora's been on edge for hours. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." I should probably go and get my wrist splint before the bones decide to slip out again. Plus, sitting like this is sending a familiar shooting pain up and down my spine. "In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four." I'm not moving. Adora needs someone with her.
[Fun fact: about 98% of my drafts are actually in my Notes app, in a folder called We'll Make the Pie Tomorrow, which at the time of writing has 288 notes. About 1% of them are scattered around a singular Word document called Work In Progress, and the rest are handwritten in my pocket notebook, which ɾuk△ M b1▢ mↄ: ɾ>k þ1△. 1▽ ju: kM● ~o▣ þ1△, > wↄ●▢ ▢M bo jↄ: ▽~ϵ●▣. h◉p jↄ: 1●ʤ⋗j1ŋ þM △▢ↄ:~o!]
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[Adora]
“I don’t want to go back there. Ever. Never ever.” “Catra, there’s only one hospital in Bright Moon, you kind of have t-“ “Then let’s move to fucking Snows.”Catra’s been utterly blank on the way back home, not even looking where she’s going, and now, safely sitting in bed with me, she looks like she’s about to scream. There are tears running down her face I don’t think she’s noticed.“Please, Adora, please, I – I can’t, please.” I rub my thumb over the back of her hand, because that seems suitably unobtrusive.“What scared you, though? Was it the tilt table? I know Shadow Weaver had something si-“ “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”She’s suddenly curled up, hiding her face in her knees and pressing her hands into the side of her head.“Please, he didn’t, he wasn’t, he wasn’t – he was never real. Go away. Be quiet.” Oh. Fates. I’ve missed something.“Who?” “Shut up. He wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. He never happened.”She’s rocking back and forth, slightly, now. “When?” “No. It was – it wasn’t real. He’s not dead, he’s not real, he’s not anywhere, he’s not real.” “Ciaran?”I don’t think so. I knew Ciaran was dead when I found his body in the wreckage of a battle two years ago. Catra wasn’t there to see it, and she didn’t mind me bringing it up, back at camp. Not all that much, anyway. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.” I decide, for once, to take her at her word, and stay quiet. Watch her claws: ready myself to intervene if they press too hard into her skin. Try not to break down at the way she’s desperately sobbing. Are her claws there, actually? I’m so used to them making an appearance when she’s upset, that it’s a surprise that they’re retracted. Not just the utility length she keeps them at most of the time – fully retracted, in the way she says is a little uncomfortable on her nail beds. And where’s Melog? It usually shows up when Catra gets scared. And then she sniffs, and uncurls, and wipes at her eyes, and smiles at me. Just like that.“Sorry. I’m being dumb. It – it doesn’t matter.” “It matters, Catra. If it m– you’re acting weird. You’re acting really weird. Are you alright?”I scoot over to her bedside table and grab her thermometer, but she flinches at the sight of it, so I put it back. She’s probably not sick sick, anyway. I know first-hand that stress hormones can really do a number on someone. Today’s been stressful, for a number of reasons. Her claws are still retracted. But she looks, otherwise, happy.“Yeah, I’m fine. Freaking out over nothing. I…”Something flickers in her expression for just a second. And then she laughs once, soundlessly.“It doesn’t matter. It's nothing.”
[Catra]
There’s a loud knock at the door, and Shadow Weaver lets me fall. She sweeps past me and opens the door, and there’s a big Cadet Officer, and a Cadet about double my age that I haven’t met, and the Cadet gets pushed inside and the door closes. Shadow Weaver’s hand holds the boy’s shoulder.“Tiro.”, she says like soft fur. “You’ve been making trouble for Force Captain Hester, haven’t you?” I think Shadow Weaver’s forgotten I’m here – she’s drunk. And the door’s closed. I dart into the space between a filing cabinet and the wall just as she and the boy turn around. “No.”, he whispers. “I – I wasn’t making trouble.” “Hm.”Shadow Weaver’s not let go of his shoulder yet. She’s leaning over him; predator.“You were caught trying to defect. Drawing up plans for that others might defect. Tell me, Tiro, why is it so desirable to you to escape?” “It wasn’t me. Please.”Tiro’s tail is curling around one of his knees. Stupid. He doesn’t know Shadow Weaver. The red magic takes hold of him and he’s thrown across the room, and he crumples and lies, still, on a table next to the wall. She pulls the table out from the wall – it’s got wheels – and ties him down, across his wrists and shoulders. And then she stares at him, for a long time, and I try not to breathe at all, for a long time. He screams. Shadow Weaver makes him quiet, until he’s twitching with the electricity that’s running all over him, and slowly tips the table upright, and he can’t move. He’s trapped. He’s prey.“Tell me, Tiro, what plan would you make to escape now?”She’s drunker than I thought – she knows how not to show it in her voice, but this is – sadistic. If I’m sadistic for playing with my mice, then this is sadistic too. Tiro the Mouse is crying. “You’re too young to go to the front lines. There’s protocols about it, or the soldiers’d revolt. Mm. We don’t have enough Cadets, do we? Waste of a Cadet, this, really.”She’s walked over to a drawer, and she’s picking something out, something sharp and shiny.“Although, the Cadets ought to be better controlled than you. So, I suppose your value lies in bringing that to my attention. Thank you, Tiro.”The sharp shiny thing moves up and across and down, and then there’s red ink pooling on the floor, and Tiro the Mouse isn’t making horrible noises because I can’t hear them because my hands are over my ears. I have my hands over my ears for a long time, watching Shadow Weaver stand and watch Tiro. And then Shadow Weaver clicks her fingers.“Thank you, Catherine, you are dismissed.” She knew I was here. I can’t move. She kneels down in front of where I’m hiding. Her hand slides so gently over the side of my face, through the fluff behind my ear, and I can’t help but purr just a little bit because it feels like when Adora does it, and Shadow Weaver smiles. She’s happy with me.“Catherine, dear. Are you scared? It’s alright. You’re safe.”Shadow Weaver’s hand curls around mine, and she’s carefully leading me outside, and I don’t step in the ink, and her hem trails in it. Out in the corridor, she kneels again, and presses one finger to the end of my nose.“Well done.”And then she’s gone. I suddenly wonder why I can’t move. After all, it was just a dead mouse.
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[Catra]
"Agh! Catra, help!", yelps Adora. I smile to myself, get up, and head through to the kitchen."Yes?" "There's a -" she points at the sink - "there's a spider. Can you get rid of it? Please?" I cross my arms and lean one hip against a cupboard."Let me get this straight. She-Ra, the legendary Princess of Power, can't handle a house-spider." "It's really big. I don't like it."She holds up her finger and thumb, about two inches apart, for emphasis. "And your first instinct, as, y'know, She-Ra, is to delegate to the nearest vulnerable little Etherian? Smart." "You're my girlfriend. You're s'posed to protect me from all the scary things." I roll my eyes and go over to the sink - there's a little cellar-spider, not three centimetres long, sitting in one corner. I pick it up by the torso with the points of my claws and watch its spindly legs wiggle uselessly for a minute."You want me to kill it, or put it outside?" "Outside."Adora's eyeing it warily, and shrinks away when I walk past. "Adora! It's a bug! It's tiny! This one would actually eat the big fat hairy ones if we kept it in the house!" "We've got Melog to handle the big fat scary ones.", says Adora nervously. I roll my eyes again, and put the spider outside.
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[Glimmer]
One day a week, Adora comes to the palace with Catra - she's supposed, really, to be here to work at her own job as She-Ra, but when there's nothing to do (and there's rarely something to do), we all end up hanging out. Weird stuff always happens when Adora's at Bright Moon: today, it's that Catra's wearing a dress. Not just a dress. A blue frilly dress with a Peter Pan collar, and an equally silly cardigan, and a set of matching sparkly hairclips that her hair's really too short to suit, and even a blue bow tied on her walking stick. Unsurprisingly, she's scowling. Adora looks happy as Larry, and she herself is dressed in an entirely more characteristic ensemble of green shorts, yellow t-shirt, and Catra's bag. No jumper or coat. It's November, but that's never stopped her. I teleport down the stairs directly in front of them, and beam sunnily at Catra."Just wait till Bow sees that." She gives me a middle finger."I lost a bet." "She bet that 'quixotry' wasn't a word.", supplies Adora excitedly. "I said it was, and I won, and I won the game. So... never play scrabble against a librarian, I guess." I pop up into Bow's office, and grab him by his (excellent) bicep, and teleport us back in front of Adora and Catra. Catra's trying to skulk moodily behind Adora, but it's not really working when she's dressed up like a china doll in the 10AM winter sunlight. Bow squeaks."I've said it before and I'll say it again, Catra, you have to wear Adora's clothes more often! You look so cute!" "Fuck you all. I'm being tortured.", Catra declares. I smirk at her, and tilt my head at Adora."Hm." Catra narrows her eyes at me."Are we about to have a day of productive working, or a day of BDSM jokes?" "It can be both."I almost teleport the lot of us into the palace, and then remember that Catra doesn't take well. Adora catches the slight pause and glares at me, like I'm bad for even thinking it. Bow claps a few times."C'mon, then! Let's go!"
[okay so I didn't exactly write more on the premise but I do have a scene to tack here]
[Catra]
09:14 PM I leave little kisses all over Adora's face while she lies there, catching her breath. After a minute or two, when she kisses me back, it's long and slow and it leaves me giggling and saying "Wow, do you want to go another round?" "Mm, no.". Adora replies, running a hand down my side because she knows it makes me melt into her and purr. And then she rubs her cheek across mine, and against my ear. I kiss whatever's closest to me, which happens to be her eyelid."Are you trying to scent-mark me? With all zero of your ability to do that? You are such an idiot." "I dunno."Adora runs her cheek over my ear again."I'm copying you, I guess?" "Oh, right, because I do that a lot. Sure.", I say sarcastically. "No, you do! I just think you don't notice." "Mm."I shift to the side a bit so I can lie down properly."By all means, keep going." So Adora picks my shoulder next, and rubs her face against it, and it feels good. I'm fairly sure Adora would've continued, but then she falls asleep.
[behind the scenes detail of the chapter: Catra lies in bed doing nothing between 2pm and 7pm]
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[Catra]
" 'Scuse me, love, I think you're using your walking stick wrong.", says a complete fucking stranger, like a complete fucking weirdo. I stare at them in the exact same way I would stare at a complete fucking weirdo."I can guarantee you, I'm not." "You're supposed to hold it in the opposite hand to your bad leg. My sister's a physiotherapist, see."They point unhelpfully at my knee brace. Still staring at them because they're acting like a complete fucking weirdo and a rude one at that, I shrug my jumper sleeve up a bit to show them my wrist splint. They blush slightly."Oh, right. Sorry. What happened?" "Someone beat me up with their walking stick because I was asking personal questions." Then the stranger gives me a look as if I'm the weird one here, and turns back to their friend, and as I'm walking away I hear them say, "People are so rude nowadays." They're wrong, in fact. That was me being incredibly polite, and only because there's a couple of kids nearby. And only then because Bow gave me an extensive lecture about which words it is and isn't appropriate to teach children.
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[Important notes about this scene: {it's not meant to be funny}, and, simultaneously, {Glimmer, the narrator, finds it funny}]
[The first speaker is Glimmer]
[Glimmer]
"Where's the numbers backing that up, huh?" "Uhh..."Catra annotates something."I swear I wrote it down. Should be in my bag, I think."She gestures that the satchel she's dumped in the corner. I groan. Catra's bag is infamous among the Best Friends Squad. She insists there's a system, but I find that hard to believe when she can't actually use it herself. Weirdly enough, Adora's really good at it, though."Can't you find it?" "I'm busy."She's drawing a histogram, now, I'm pretty sure - chalk in her right hand and pencil in her left, swapping between the chalkboard and a side table. Something strikes me about it."You told me you're right-handed." "I am." "You're acting pretty ambidextrous for a rightie." She spins the pencil around in her left hand."I learned to write on both sides soon as my wrists went to shit. When I was, like, seven, I don't know."She puts the pencil down and picks up a different colour of chalk to label the histogram. I have no idea what to say to that, so I go and look at whatever maths she's claiming to have done earlier and put in her bag. Of course, my initial search yields no results, so I tip out the whole thing. Actually, as stuff tumbles out, it does seem like there's some sort of system, or at least there was originally an idea for one. Folders and sheets of loose paper in one divider; and in the next, more papers, crumplier than the other ones, and a whole load of various writing implements; and in the third, a whole bunch of random stuff. The squeaky mouse Entrapta made back on Darla is in there for some reason. In the fourth divider, there's her communicator, wallet, keys, and a lanyard I've not seen before. It's got a few cards attached to it - I faint a lot, don't call an ambulance / please leave me alone, I don't want help, and yes / no, and I need help / please don't touch me, and I'm having trouble speaking / I'm having trouble paying attention, and I'm in pain / I'm upset, and one with Adora's number on it. I glance over at Catra. She's still writing. I have the feeling I wasn't meant to see that lanyard. Well, I'm not in the mood to sift through all this paper for what I'm looking for, so I open the front pocket of the satchel and tip that out too, because maybe she's helpfully put it there. No, of course not. This is all medical stuff. And a small weird flat thing shaped like a sheep? I pick it up, and then realise what it is, and drop it with a squeal."Why've you got a chew toy?" She looks annoyed."Melog." "I fought a war against you. I know what your bite looks like. Melog doesn't even have teeth." She sighs."Just drop it. It's a thing that I have and that's all." "I already dropped it."I point unhelpfully at where it is on the floor. Catra's gonna have to pick that up, 'cause I'm not touching it again."Anyway, I'm not judging you. What's it for? I'm genuinely curious." "Why do you need to know? Just don't tell anyone."She scores an aggressive line under a title. I put my hands up in a slight surrender."Yeah, yep, got it."I'm planning to tell Bow, though, so that if he finds it he won't react like I just did. Also because it's really funny that the great Horde Commander Catra has a baby toy. Bow'll find a way to be all accepting about it, but he can't deny it's funny.
[Adora]
Someone calls - ooh, it's Glimmer. I put down my cleaning for a minute, and grab my communicator."Heya, Glim, what's up?"I set it down on the side and get back to sorting out the kitchen sink. "Nothing.", she says defensively. "I just wanted to hear how my lovely friend Adora was doing today." I cross my arms at the camera."What do you want?" "I want to know why Catra carries a -" she suppresses a giggle - "chew toy around with her." I glance at the ceiling. Catra's in the shower right now. She doesn't like being talked about, but if she doesn't know, it doesn't count, right? I'd much rather Glimmer know the actual reasons than laugh at Catra."Redirection. She chews on other stuff, otherwise. Stationery, or, like, cutlery, or her fingers. Or my fingers, sometimes. I don't really know if it's a sensory thing or TMJ, but, either way." "Oh, right." "It also helps when she gets upset. She can end up hurting herself, uh, with the sharp teeth."Is that too much? I should stop talking. This is Catra's business, not mine. A voice - Bow's - in the background of Glimmer's call says "I told you there were legitimate reasons." "Mleh mleh mleh.", says Glimmer back at him, and then she goes "Thanks bye!" and hangs up. Glimmer never leaves calls with preamble, so I should be used to it by now, but it still feels a little jarring.
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"Hey, guys!"Adora waved a mittened hand at her friends. Catra wasn't sure why Glimmer and Bow had wanted to meet by the frozen Bright Moon lake - at eight in the morning, too - but she and Adora had gone along with it anyway. Glimmer teleported over and wrapped Adora in a crushing hug, then punched Catra lightly on the shoulder. She was squealing with excitement."OK! OK, let's get going!" "You still haven't told us what's happening.", complained Adora, as Bow trudged over through the three-inch-deep snow. He gave a surreptitious grin."You're gonna love it." The group made their way down the hill-bank and to the edge of the ice. Adora held Catra's free hand tightly, because really, she was supposed to avoid slippery floors. Exceptions could be made, though. "Ta-dah!", exclaimed Glimmer, producing from a purple kit bag a shoe with a knife under its sole. Catra laughed."Wow, that looks safe. And you're happy with this, Bow?" "Why is..."Adora took the shoe, and held it up closer to her face, squinting as though that might make it make more sense."What's the metal bit for? Are we climbing?" "No, silly!", shouted Glimmer, grabbing back the shoe and flopping down in the snow to tie it on."They're skates. We're ice-skating." Bow pulled out his own pair, and also sat down to put them on."The metal bit helps you glide over the ice. You can kind of zoom around, like you're flying. It's really fun." "OK, but I have a magic horse and a whole spaceship. I can already fly.", said Adora. Glimmer tipped over the kit bag, and shoved the resulting tangle of skates over in Adora and Catra's direction."Skating now, debating later.", she commanded. "You could've mentioned there'd be a costume change!", said Catra. "Now I've got to change how high my stick is. Oh, and laces.", she continued to grumble, as she sat on the floor, leaning against Adora, and started to take off her shoes. Glimmer was the first one out on the ice, swiftly followed by Bow - who seemed uncharacteristically confident, sweeping out to the middle of the lake and back."My siblings taught me to skate when I was, like, four!", he called. "And then I taught Glimmer!"Glimmer was gliding around at a moderate pace, experimenting with loops and circles. Adora helped Catra up, and then began to move, very unsteadily, toward the ice. Catra outpaced her for once, stepping out onto the lake and then slowly turning around to watch Adora struggle. "Give me a minute.", said Adora, focusing on slowly dragging her skates through the snow. "You can have all the time you want. I'm enjoying this." Adora nearly fell, and bit her lip nervously. "Oh, how the tables turn.", giggled Catra. "Watch it." "Or what?"Catra grinned at Adora, and Adora stuck her tongue out at her. Glimmer suddenly appeared, and grabbed Adora's arm, and teleported her out to the middle, and Catra watched as Adora screamed and clung to Glimmer. "Get over it!", said Glimmer's voice. "But it's scary!", replied Adora. "Just get going! It's easier after that." "How?! Exactly?" There was a sudden rushing noise to Catra's right - but it was just Bow."You gonna join us?", he asked. "Mm.", replied Catra, unconvinced. She let one of her feet glide forwards and backwards over the ice. "Here - what you do is put one in front, and push with the other."He demonstrated."And then, y'know, when you've got the momentum, you put the other foot in front."He started going in a circle in front of Catra."It's kind of like walking, when you think about it." "Sure glad I'm good at that, then."She lifted her walking stick off the ground for a second. Bow went slightly red. "Here goes nothing."Catra started to slowly, awkwardly slide one foot and then the other forwards. Bow stood in front of her, slowly moving backwards."OK, now lift up the foot that you pushed with." "Are you crazy?" "No, that's Glim's job."He inclined his head at where Glimmer was throwing snowballs at Adora, loudly exhorting her to 'go faster and then they won't hit you!'."Put more trust in the momentum. You're not gonna fall." "Don't jinx it." "What?" "You don't have jinx here?", asked Catra incredulously. "What did you think was happening when two people said the same thing and I said 'jinx'?" Bow shrugged."I thought it was, like, a superstition." "No, it- well, actually, you're right. Well. Kind of a superstition, kind of a game. Are you seriously telling me that was just a Horde thing?" "Yeah, probably." "Wow. I feel sorry for your childhood." Bow smiled carefully."Did you have Miðanhrim in the Horde? Or anything for winter?" "...No. It was pretty celebration-free."Catra looked up at Bow."What was it like? Mith-en-rim. When you were a kid." "It was brilliant. The whole family got together for a week. We decorated the library, and sang a lot, and played games, and ate simple meals, and skated and stuff. It's not the same for everyone, of course. Big cities like Bright Moon tend to go in more for gift-giving, like at birthdays, and there's a spiritual aspect down south and a magical aspect up north. But-" "What did you sing?"Catra was getting a bit more confident on the ice now, gliding a bit with each step. "I'll get out my guitar later and show you." "And, what games d-" A sudden shout from the other side of the lake grabbed Catra and Bow's attention. Adora was sitting awkwardly on the ice, and Catra couldn't quite tell if she was holding her arm or hugging her stomach. Either way, it wasn't good. Bow immediately raced full-speed towards her, leaving Catra to slowly follow him. By the time she was halfway over, Adora was glowing gold, and once Catra had actually got there, she looked fairly happy, with Glimmer sitting on one side and Bow on the other, looking at her hand. "You OK, Adora?" "Yeah. I think I sprained my wrist or something - no thanks to Glimmer. It's all good now." Catra put a hand on her hip and scowled at Glimmer."If we could be more careful, please, Sparkles? I happen to quite like Adora's hand." "Oh, yeah?", replied Glimmer. "Yeah." "Yeah, well-" Glimmer realised she hadn't thought this far ahead, and scrambled for a retort - "you should be glad her hands are, like, functional now, the amount she punches first and thinks later." Adora brushed a bit of snow off her hair in Glimmer's direction."You do realise I'm right here?" "OK.", interrupted Bow. "How about we do this over some hot chocolate." "Fiiiiine."Glimmer teleported over to the pile of shoes, and everyone else followed her. There was a fire burning in the hearth when the Best Friends Squad got back to the little sitting room in Bright Moon. Bow, feeling that to leave the others alone would be a mistake, sent Glimmer down to the kitchen to get hot chocolate, and pulled out his guitar, as promised. "OK, so your options are: In the Bleak Midwinter, the Angels' Carol - although that's more of a choir song - or... uh... ooh, Star Carol. I like that one." "First one."Catra didn't know what a carol was, but 'bleak midwinter' seemed on-brand for how the Whispering Woods was looking. "Nice."Bow strummed a few chords on his guitar."In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan. Earth stood hard as iron, water..." Glimmer walked in with a tray, and handed out the hot chocolate, and joined in. It was effortless - she took the melody, and Bow switched to a low harmony."Snow had fallen, snow on snow - snow on snow. In the bleak midwinter, long ago." Adora, her recent injury forgotten, started clapping enthusiastically. Catra raised her eyebrows and nodded - it was among the better music she'd heard. "Wait, wait, wait, there's more verses.", tried Bow, but Glimmer was already talking over him. "Deck the Halls!", she said excitedly. "Do Deck the Halls!" Bow sighed."Fine. Adora - I think I taught you this one already. Catra - you want to join in?" "Uh... maybe later." "Alright then."He played a jolly little introduction."Deck the halls with boughs of holly..." Adora was impressively out-of-tune, and stumbled over a bit where Glimmer seemed to be singing about adultery, but when the song was over, Catra smiled at her. "Was I good?", Adora asked. Catra drank some more hot chocolate."You were... loud, at least." (etc)
[etc means that I can't find a good end point, and it gets a bit boring writing more and more of the same, so I just end there. Like when a song fades out instead of finishing.]
[The adultery verse - Deck the halls with boughs of holly / I saw Daddy kiss Aunt Molly / Mummy hit him with her brolly / Then he didn't look so jolly]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
Razz - as usual - is hurrying around, refusing to let anyone help, despite having eight hands available, idly sitting around the table. And four hooves, in all technicality, but I wouldn't describe Swifty as 'help' in any way. Glimmer and Bow have met Razz a couple of times, but Catra's new here. What's really disconcerting me is that Razz keeps calling her Serenia, the same way she calls me Mara, and I still don't know what it means. Catra's not a First Ones hero. Not that I know, anyway. Catra seems much less concerned about the whole matter than me - in fact, she's been strangely at ease since we got here. Maybe it's something about being in the middle of the Woods, or maybe she's just having a low-symptom day. With a slight crash, Razz dumps a tray on the table, which holds an interesting hodge-podge of a stained-glass teapot, two different teacups, one tin mug, and a beautifully carved wooden cup, all containing the same light-green concoction. Bow takes the mug, Glimmer takes the blue teacup, and Catra takes the pink floral one, so I'm left with the wooden cup. It's apt, because the way the pattern feels under my fingers is almost like a row of swords, all slightly different, wrapping in a circle. Whatever the drink is - I think it's tea, anyway - is sweet and green-tasting. I'm not much cop at naming flavours, but this one is firmly in the realm of green. Maybe you could describe it as 'fresh' if you were feeling fancy. "This is lovely.", says Bow rather loudly, and then gives Razz a thumbs-up. She waves a hand vaguely at him."Madame Razz can hear a mouse across the forest, dearie. There is no need to think of the old woman's ears." Bow goes bright red and opens his mouth, I think to apologise, but Glimmer jumps in."So... how's the whole, uh, rose garden thing going? You planted them yet?" "Ah, yes, thank you, Anatoly, dear. About four miles to Boreas. The tea is good, yes?", she asks, hurrying over to pat Catra's shoulder. "Uh, yeah. Really good."She sounds tired. I squeeze her hand, and she looks up at me, and-"Oh, crap, Catra, your pupils are super dilated, what? Do you need to lie down? What's happening? Oh, no, are you having a s-" "Calm down, Princess.", she interrupts, reaching up to leisurely play with my hair. "No, I will not be doing that. We need to - we need to find somewhere safe for you to lie down. Bow, call Marsh, no, ignore me, just call the hospital, Glimmer-" "Sorry, who's Marsh?", Glimmer asks, just as Catra half-falls toward me, and I have to hold her up so she doesn't tip the both of us onto the ground, but she's not fainted; she's purring loudly, and I mean loudly - louder than I've ever heard - and hugging me tightly. "You're so warm.", she mumbles into my shoulder. Glimmer suddenly stands up, gathering the various cups back onto the tray and taking it across the room, yelling, "Razz, what the fuck was in that tea?" "Ah, nothing harmful, dearie."Her voice makes me jump - I'd forgotten she was there. "Yeah, the, um, hospital want to know that too.", adds Bow. "They said it sounds like she's on drugs." I glare at Razz, although the effect is ruined slightly, I think, by my girlfriend now batting my ponytail back and forth."What. Was in. The tea." "It is, ehhhhh... a mint? From the Eurus of, of the land below the green lake. Razz has grown it specially for your Serenia, Adora." "What is it doing to her." Razz runs her hand over Catra's hair, and I very nearly slap it away, but Catra chirps and leans into it."It relieves the pain, no?" "Mm... yeah.", replies Catra, smiling languidly. Bow clears his throat."We'll have to bring her back ourselves. They don't send ambulances out into the Woods, uh, obviously. And if we could get a sample of the tea...?" Glimmer gets up, but Razz grabs her broom and blocks her."No need, no need. It will wear off in two shakes of a fawn's tail. Th-" Suddenly, Glimmer's holding her own staff, and has knocked Razz' broom to the floor."Um. Yes, there's a need. I don't care how quick it wears off, you just drugged our friend. That is incredibly illegal! And if it's not, I'll make it illegal!" I'm rocking Catra slightly, thinking, while she experimentally licks my collarbone."...Sorry, what did you mean 'it relieves the pain'?" "I feel good, Princess.", murmurs Catra, giggling. Razz goes back to petting Catra's head."Yes, it, ah, stops your Catra from feeling her pain."Then, Razz's eyes seem to clear momentarily, gazing almost through Catra."So much of it, mm? You were so scared." "Yeah.", replies Catra. She buries her face in my shoulder. "And... and it really isn't harmful?", I ask. "Adora."I can feel the disapproval radiating off Glimmer."You are not seriously considering treating Catra with drug tea made by a creepy-ass old woman in the middle of a creepy-ass old forest?!" "If it works, then maybe, yeah!" Glimmer teleports across the table, grabs Razz by the shoulder, moves her away from Catra and I, and stands in-between us."Medical professionals exist for a reason, you realise?" She's right, I'm being stupid - but Glimmer's also being unfair about Razz."Medical professionals didn't save Etheria from the fake portal reality. Or tell me who Mara was. Or show me the Crystal Castle.", I mutter resentfully. No-one else seems to understand Razz. Maybe that's why she's so lonely. "Okay. We're getting off-topic."Glimmer kneels down beside us."Catra, how're we feeling?" Her claws dig slightly into my back."I think I might be high." "Catnip!", yells Bow, jumping up. Then he holds up his hands and sits down, now quite red in the face, and shows us the encyclopaedia entry on his mobile."A herb, similar to mint, that grows in east Plumeria. It acts as a mild stimulant for... all of these species that I can't pronounce. Should wear off in, uh, five or ten minutes from now." "Is it illegal?", asks Glimmer hopefully. Bow shrugs."I don't think it's regulated anywhere." "Damnit." "Glimmer!", I exclaim. "Razz is trying to help. It's not her fault she's a little..."I wave a hand in Razz's direction. She's currently rearranging the few pieces she has on her dilapidated old chessboard in the corner. "Loony.", supplies Glimmer. I'm really not in a mood to keep arguing, so I focus back on Catra. She's still purring like a - I don't know, a really loud thing - and doesn't mind when I check her pulse. It's pretty much normal, but her 'normal' is anywhere between 50 and 140, so I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve here, and I also have the slight feeling that I'm being watched in wait of a response."Look, Glim, Razz hasn't hurt Catra. I think we should just calm down a bit on the prosecution. At least until Catra can say if she minds or not. Bow, could you look up medication interactions for catnip?" "Yeah, sure." Glimmer wanders over to stand behind Razz and squint at the odd chessboard arrangements. I try to move Catra slightly away from me, but she seems very enthusiastic to remain as she is, so I give up quickly."Are you feeling overheated?" "No." "Are you dizzy?" She giggles."I feel like I should say, while I'm still high, that, Sparkles, I don't actually hate you, Bow, I like being called cute, and Adora, I have every intention of marrying you." "Aww!", exclaims Bow, possibly about to start crying. I run my fingers down behind her ear, over and over again when it seems to make her happy. "Also, now I've seen you in other clothes, that red jacket was awful. Never wear it again.", she mutters. I tap her nose, in lieu of the ability to shove."Oi! Shoulder-pads are fashionable." "Shoulder-skyscrapers." "That doesn't even make sense." Bow clears his throat again, and I look over at him."There's an, um, list. Sedatives, SSRIs, painkillers, and anything for metabolism can interact. With catnip, I mean." "Painkillers?", I ask. He types something in."NSAIDs. Mixed with catnip it can result in... nausea and upset stomach." "Glim, can you grab the ginger sweets from Catra's bag?"I gesture over to where she left it by the door."They should be in the front pocket, or if not, I don't know, you'll have to look through the whole thing, it's a bit messy.", I ramble. I keep doing that today. I should stop. "This it?", she asks, holding them up. "Yeah. Chuck it over." "The horse?", Razz suddenly asks. She doesn't elaborate. Bow looks outside the door, and turns back to the rest of us, visibly confused. Glimmer raises her eyebrows at Razz, shrugs at Bow, and then teleports back to her seat at the table."So. Catra. Quick question, what do you think of Bright Moon's interior design?" "It's pretty. You're pretty.", Catra mutters. "See? See? She likes it!" "I never actually said I didn't!", I protest. "Do you think I'm pretty?", asks Bow. "No, 'course not.", replies Catra, while Glimmer simultaneously says, "You look worse than the red jacket. Which, by the way, I hated that too. High five!"She extends a hand out to Catra, and Catra waves vaguely at her. Glimmer stays still for a second, and then switches to a thumbs-up."It's the effort that counts." "Am I pretty?", I ask. Catra giggles again, and kisses my shoulder."There's not been a moment in your life you're not pretty." "So I'm the only ugly one here.", says Bow crossly. Glimmer inclines her head at Razz, who's now meticulously trimming a small plant on the windowsill. It would take an imaginative leap further than here to Krytis to call her 'pretty', but in my opinion, 'pretty' and 'beautiful' are two separate concepts, and for all Razz's oddities, she definitely embodies the second. Catra's purring suddenly dies out."I'm tired. I want to go home." "You're gonna have to let go of me first." She does, but I don't stop holding her, because she's definitely in a falling-on-the-floor sort of mood. Razz starts sweeping the floor, humming to herself, and - when she bumps into Bow, who's stood up to put his cardigan back on, seems surprised that we're still here, and squawks, "For the last time, Phemeris, are you not a man with somewhere better to be? The horse!" I take this as our cue to leave, and gather up Catra in my arms - because I don't trust her to walk in this state - and send a brief signal to Swift Wind, and we head back outside, leaving Razz to her own strange devices.
[This one really ran away with me and I actually had to trim it down a bit. I edited out a whole side plot with Swift Wind and a blackberry bush, and a segment including the line ' "Migraines, bitch.", says Catra, waving a middle finger in Glimmer's direction. ', which I thought was a shame to remove, but was also very high on the tier list of unnecessary bits]
[Catra never goes to Razz's hut again after this, but Razz later gives Adora some dried catnip leaves, which she keeps (with Catra's knowledge) in an airtight box in the corner of a cupboard, just in case]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora.]
"Happy birthday, Adora!" I smile at the blueberry muffin Catra's just put in front of me."Thank you."I haven't missed the fact that Catra was out of bed before six-thirty this morning. Nor the fact that she's moving stiffly. Nor the fact that she's leaning on the furniture. Nor the way she's holding one shoulder just a bit higher than the other - she's been told not to, but she does it anyway, not on purpose, I think. I've promised myself I'll intervene if it gets bad, but I'm not entirely sure what 'bad' is defined as. It seems to exist on the scale somewhere between 'mild discomfort' and 'collapsing and crying'. She sits next to me at the kitchen island and starts to pick at her own breakfast - literally just a sliced apple. I have a toastie, and tea, and a muffin, and she has a sliced apple. Is that bad? I think it is. I try to distract myself from wondering whether she's going to get herself a glass of water, or I should step in, by saying, "You three still haven't told me what we're doing today." She lightly bats at my arm."I feel like you might have missed a keyword in surprise party." "Yeah, but, y'know, uh, like, how should I dress, for example? Like, a ballgown? Hiking gear? Swimsuit? Should I just go as She-Ra?" "You're overthinking, Princess. Just wear normal clothes. If I was choosing, though, I'd make you wear that really nice green party dress." I've finished my breakfast already, but Catra's eating very slowly. One-handed, too, because her other arm's leaning on the worksurface in a way that looks casual but that I know she uses for support."Will you be okay to walk to Bright Moon?", I ask out of habit. She grins coldly." 'Course. It's, like, a five-minute walk. I'll be fine. Anyway - it's your birthday. Stop worrying. I can handle myself for a little bit." "Sure."Having given up all pretence of ignorance at this point, I get up and fill a glass with water, and add her electrolytes, and slide it across the island to her. "Thanks." "Are you wearing your knee things? And KT tape?" She runs a hand through her hair. Her wrist clicks audibly as she does so."Stop fussing. It's your birthday." I check my watch. Thirty-two minutes left."I'm going to go get dressed, and when I'm done, I'll ask you that again. Pick a better answer than 'stop fussing'." "Yep, sure.", she mutters as a brief goodbye. When I'm upstairs, I text Bow and Glimmer, Catra's having a bad pain day be nice to her, and then put on my green party dress and plait my hair. "Okay, Catra, I need you to swear-" "Fucking bollocking bullshit." Bow took a deep breath and tried to stay calm."I need you to promise that you won't tell Adora what we're planning." "Oh, right."Catra giggled."Y'know, I don't make promises lightly. But I guess I can try~." "And you know how I feel about swear words.", said Bow, sticky-taping letters to bunting. Catra smirked."Your fault for making friends with the enemy."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
I run my hand over Darla's console as she starts to wake up."Is it - is it weird to be back here? I mean, it's only been... Sep, ten, two, two - wow, six months." "The hell was that counting? Call me old-fashioned, but I use one-two-three-four."Catra sits in the captain's chair. "No, y- I - it's just numbers. Anyway. What do you think?" She swivels around so her head's on the armrest and her legs are hanging over the other side."Weird to be in here and not feel like shit." "Oh."To distract myself, I enter our destination, and then remember I'm not supposed to be distracting myself. Hark says I have to confront difficult emotions."Were you - how bad was it, on the mission, when, when you weren't, like, being treated yet, or anything?" "Eh.", she mutters. "August was a bitch. But you know that already. Hey, are, uh, have you told Sparkles & Co we're on our way?" "Hm? Oh, yeah. Darla, call Bow." "Bow. Current status, online. Contacting.", says the robotic voice. I'm reminded that it sounds a lot like Light Hope's. Eugh. For the call, I go to sit in the captain's chair too, and Catra arranges herself on my lap. It took a while, and several choice scenes from romance novels, to convince her that yes we will be alone on Darla for an hour and yes there's a big chair in the middle of the room but no we really shouldn't - well, y'know. She's twirling a lock of my hair around her finger, though, and as soon as I finish telling Bow we'll be there for lunch, I might just give in.
[the counting, by the way, is "Sep (september), ten (october), two (nov+dec), two (jan+feb)" (which makes 6 months total) because mental maths is weird and months group together in my head]
[Bow]
[Catra, for obvious reasons, is skipping the steam baths and having a mid-afternoon nap]
When Adora pulls off her dressing-gown, the first thing I notice are the scars across her shoulders. She's She-Ra - she's a warrior - of course she's going to have scars. But there are so many of them, and they're little so it's hard to tell if they're scratches or puncture wounds, and some of them are recent. Like, barely healed. She climbs into the steam bath like nothing's wrong, though, and traces her hand over the magic sparks on its surface. After a moment, she looks up at Glimmer and I."What?" Glimmer teleports into the bath, grabs Adora's shoulder, and turns her around."What is this?", she demands, tugging the back of Adora's swimsuit down slightly. The scars extend there, too. Adora pulls away, and looks at both of us, and shrugs."Catra, uh, gets a bit clingy sometimes. It's nothing." "The fuck you mean that's nothing?", yells Glimmer. "No, no, honestly, it's my fault, actually, I-" Glimmer lets out an incoherent half-scream and kicks Adora in the shin. "Adora, if you need to tell us anything, this is a safe space. Completely confidential."I climb into the steam bath, too, and hold Adora's hand. Adora laughs nervously."Uh, I don't think I'm explaining it properly. Look, it's not her fault. She doesn't know she's doing it. It's just, when - y'know - she gets upset or - or it hurts too much - I cuddle her and she just holds on. I don't mind. At all. It only scars when I forget to heal it, so that's my bad, really." I squeeze her hand."No, nothing about this is your fault, Adora. If Catra's hurting you, then your safety is the first priority. Whether that's to... I don't know. Give her a pillow to hug - or Melog. Help her meditate, a bit, maybe. And, y'know, if it's getting bad enough that she doesn't know she's hurting you, maybe you should involve a professional. Or - have you talked to her about it, actually?"Adora's one of those sorts of people that has to be prompted to remember that talking about her feelings is an option. "Yeah. We've talked. She said the same thing. To stop cuddling her."Adora hugs her knees."I don't want to leave her alone, though." Glimmer clicks her fingers for attention."Idea. Cut her nails - clip her claws - whatever." Adora frowns at her."Catra does use her claws, you know, in everyday life. Anyway, how would Scorpia feel if you cut off her stinger? What about breaking Bow's bow in half?" "Yeah, well, what are you trying to do about it?", mutters Glimmer angrily. "Stop letting yourself get treated like a scratching post." Adora shrugs again."I really don't mind. Now, if you please, we are here to relax."She settles herself and closes her eyes.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Glimmer]
I'm not usually one for getting up bright and early - that's very much Bow's job - but I really want to watch today's sunrise from the Lunarium, and I decide to invite Catra and Adora too. When I pop into their room, Adora's asleep, but Catra's already sat at the desk, writing by lamplight."Sparkles. Morning.", she mutters. "Hey. You want to come watch the sunrise with me and Bow? We've got snacks!"I'm not at all concerned that my normal-volume voice is going to disturb Adora, since she sleeps like the dead now. "Uh, no. I'm busy." "Doing what?"I teleport behind her and look over her shoulder, but she's writing in some sort of code. 'þM f~ϵ●▣ △▢ϵp▢ 1● ▽~^●▢ M◈ þM ʧ>ɾ▣. «●◉.», sco △ϵ▣. þo ^þM ▢uk ▢u: h3: ~u:●△▢◉● M● k~o⩼▢1▣'"What's that say?" She puts her pen down."Like I'd tell you." "Why're you writing at, like, six in the AM anyways? We're on holiday! Relax." "I'd rather write than stare directly at the sun. Just a thought."She pulls open a drawer, and treasury-tags the sheet she was writing on into a stack of similarly coded pages. "C'mon. It's gonna be fun!" "No, thank you." I groan dramatically, and teleport over to Adora, landing on top of her legs."Wake up Adora it's sunrise time!", I yell. She sits up, startled, and swings a half-hearted punch at my shoulder, which I teleport away from. Then, she blinks and rubs her eyes."Glimmmerrrrr. Look outside. When the sky is dark, it's sleepy time." "What, so you're planning on watching the sunrise when the sun's up already?"I send an orb of pink magic into to the ceiling to illuminate the room, because lightswitches are for the weak. Catra giggles. Still bleary-eyed, Adora puts her hand on the empty side of the bed, and then, seeming to realise that Catra's not there, glances around the room."What are you doing over there?", she asks. "Writing."Catra gets up, holding her crutch backwards, more like an unbalanced walking stick, and wanders over to sit next to Adora."Don't worry, I wasn't doing work. I'm not crazy like you." "Hm." Catra and Adora are doing that thing again where they retreat into a little bubble together. I summon my staff and tap it on the ground to remind them that I do in fact exist, just a couple feet away from them."So, any takers for the sunrise pyjama party? It's just me and Bow so far, and there'll be snacks." "Ooh, snacks."Adora seems to instantly shake off her lingering sleepiness. Catra gives Adora and I a little wave goodbye, and I put a hand on Adora's shoulder to teleport us, but Adora suddenly smacks my hand away and shuffles over to Catra."What's..."She holds Catra's right shoulder, running a thumb over the collarbone. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Adora. What are you doing?", asks Catra quickly, leaning back. "What's wrong?", Adora whispers. "Nothing." "Well, clearly there's not nothing wr-" "Just go watch the sunrise. I'm fine." I consider teleporting away, but they don't seem to have noticed that I'm still here. "But I'm worried that-" "There's no reason to be worried." "So tell me why you're awake early and you won't move your arms." "The bed's too soft and it fucked with my shoulders, that's it." "You could have said that when I asked!" "I was going to mention it later." "Is there anything else wrong, then?"Adora's hand moves down to Catra's elbow, and Catra tugs her arm away. The door opens - Bow."Hey, guys, why're you lat... oh, am I interrupting? Sorry."He makes a sheepish face. Catra plasters on a smile."No, Adora and Sparkles were just leaving, in fact."She catches my eye and mouths please. "Yeah, we were!", I say, matching her tone, and grab the back of Adora's t-shirt. I have about half a second before she pulls away, and Bow's all the way over by the door, so I shout "Seeyathere!" and teleport instantly to the beach. Adora's going to be angry, but that's fine. Catra and I both agree she gets a little overbearing. jↄ: △kϵɾM▢M● 1z ▽ↄ:ɾ1ŋ Mp/:▢^●▣M●oþ jↄ: △k1●M●▣ ↄ:ɾ ju: h/◈ ▢M ▽1k△ 1▢1z M h/●▣▽Mɾ M◈ ●⩼ɾzM●▣ M h/mM
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
"Hey, Sparkles.", I mutter, sitting down opposite her with my breakfast. It's mid-morning - Adora and Bow've already had a trip to the Mystacor library, apparently - but Glimmer and I are happily in the Not Morning People Club. She eyes up my croissant, and I'd be lying if I said that's not why I picked it, for a very specific reason. Because she reaches over, takes it off my plate, bites it, and starts coughing and spluttering."Fucking - hell - Catra - you psycho - are you trying to poison me-" Bow hurries into the room."Babe? You alright?" I try, mostly successfully, to stop laughing so I can speak."She's just violently discovered that I have salt on everything."And, yes, I might have maybe overdone it a little bit just for this, but that's because it's funny. Glimmer puts her face flat on the table, groaning, and makes two different rude gestures at me. "Hah."Adora's here too, now. In her swimsuit already for later, which is nice."I've swapped our plates over one too many times. Never again, after the fruitcake." "Well, I thought it tasted fine.", I murmur, looking nonchalantly at my claws. Bow smiles, and pats Glimmer on the back."Welp. This'll teach you to stop stealing snacks." She half-heartedly punches him in the stomach.
[Glimmer.]
01:15 PM I spin around for Bow, feeling slightly silly. "You look lovely, babe.", he says genuinely. I teleport to directly in front of him and kiss the notch in-between his collarbones, which I've got into the habit of doing because it's exactly at face height for me."You look really cute.", I murmur, and then step back to see just how tomato-red his face has gone It's not a lie - Bow looks cute in anything he wears, mainly because he's not worn a single full shirt (spacesuits aside) since the portal reality. Out of the two of us, he's definitely the crop top guy, but I'm actually wearing one today too - part of a set from Salineas, which is wonderfully iridescent. Probably made with fish scales or something, but I'm choosing not to think about that, because fish give me the creeps. I pull a long cardigan over me, and Bow one of his t-shirts, and we head out into the little lounge, and find Catra and Adora ready to head out. Adora's wearing a little swim-dress, and a jacket over it, and Catra - who is, surprisingly, actually participating in the sea component of seaside - is wearing a short tank top and a pair of swimming trunks. Adora's carrying Catra's satchel, plus two beach towels and a blanket - the last of which I'd say is a little overkill, had I not heard their rather heated discussion through the thin wall yesterday. Nothing much dramatic - just that Adora thinks Catra's temperature intolerance is bad enough that she shouldn't go in the sea in February. Looks like Adora's given in, though - good for Catra. "Okay then, Best Beach Squad!", announces Bow, heading for the door. I hurry after him, going, "No. Nope. Absolutely not. You are not becoming your dads right now."Two dots join up in my brain, and my jaw falls on the floor."Oh. My. Fucking. Word. Did 'Best Friends Squad' seriously come from an inside joke your dads have?" "Ah, no, technically an inside joke between George, Lance, me, Alek, Mattie, and Sam.", he giggles. "You have to admit it's funny, right?" "Given that I'm not inside the joke, no!"I send a little puffball of magic to knock into Bow, but he dodges, and starts running off toward the beach, and I chase him.
[Lance, in Reunion (S2E13): "Onward, best research squad!"]
[Catra]
Hm. It's way colder than I expected it to be. I wave my hand around in the mist, and it moves like a thick sort of smoke, and my fingers are already numb. Adora's sitting next to me, right at the edge of the cloud layer, trying to grab handfuls of it - which is, unsurprisingly, not working. Glimmer and Bow have gone right in, and from what I can see, they're already sopping wet, and squealing and screaming about the cold. I pull my hand away from the cloud and give it a shake, trying to dry it off and get some sensation back. Adora looks at my hand."Raynaud's.", she says, like that proves her point or whatever. I flip the purplish-pale middle finger at her, and reply, "I don't care.", and get up and walk straight into the clouds. I do care. I care so much. Fuck, the cold hurts. But I grin at Adora. She frowns back at me."You look like you just swallowed a knife, Catra, don't try to pretend you don't hate it." "Come on in, the water's fine!", I gasp. She marches in, grabs me around the waist, and leads me out, muttering, "Love the enthusiasm but you're being unsafe." "Who said so?" "I did. Just now."She sits me down on one towel, and wraps another around me, and a blanket on top of that. It's ridiculous. I pull the blanket tighter, though, because it's also warm."You go play with the others." She glances at Glimmer and Bow - they're having some kind of duel, trying to submerge each other. And then she turns back to me."Shout if you need anything. Or, just, like, look distressed or something, and I'll notice. Yeah?" "Yeah."I give her a brief kiss. She smiles one more time at me, and then runs off to jump into the cloud ocean.
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[Adora.]
Hark turns a page in their folder."Now, I've told you what we're doing today, so you could have some time to think about it." They look at me, and I nod. "What are your mean thoughts? The ones that make you go, I'm a bad person, when you think them." I'm sitting sideways on the sofa, hugging a pillow against my chest like I always do in Hark's office, but it seems suddenly childish. I should be sitting properly. "I have cards, or whiteboards, or puppets, or anything you can think of, if that would be easier." I take a deep breath, and say, "I don't want to be... whatever I am, to Catra." Hark sits back, nodding slowly. "No, that came out wrong. I love her. I want to be with her forever. But... I don't like playing doctor all the time. And - and everyone says, just ask for help, but it's not that easy! Because Catra won't let anyone else near her! So I'm the only person who can care for her properly, and she needs so much. Like - yesterday - she got super tired all of a sudden in the evening, and Glimmer kind of took me on a detour with a She-Ra thing, but anyway I had to carry Catra upstairs and then it turns out she's got a cold now and I almost didn't come to the session today but she convinced me. But, anyway, now I've got to do everything for her - cooking and making her comfortable and keeping her company and watching in case it gets worse all of a sudden and I don't want to but I don't have any other choice."I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and continue."And, then, I also have to be there when she gets scared or sad, and that's a lot. She - she'll do something like break a plate or something, completely by accident, and then just shut down. And it has to be me that tells her it's okay and me that cleans up and me that cuddles her after she has a nightmare at 3AM and me that makes sure she's not hurting herself and me that has to pretend to be calm the whole time even though I know it's Shadow Weaver that's left her as this mangled mess of a brain and - and I don't - I can't even hate Shadow Weaver."I'm full-on ugly crying into the pillow now. "That sounds like a lot of responsibility.", says Hark quietly. I ignore them."And, do you see what I mean? It's only me I'm talking about, me me me. It's not Catra's fault. I shouldn't be angry like this. I bet she hates it way more than I do, in fact, she definitely does, so I don't know what I'm complaining about, apart from that I'm being stupid and selfish and just wanting to ignore the bad parts of being someone's girlfriend because I'm thinking I'm She-Ra and only good stuff can happen to me and - I don't know. I don't know where I'm going with this." "Your experiences aren't the normal bad parts of a relationship.", says Hark. "You're the sole caregiver for someone with complex trauma and complex medical needs, and you have your own trauma to work through at the same time. You're allowed to be angry. And you're always allowed to be a little bit selfish, because it's really important that you take care of yourself, especially if your partner's unable to." "She does. She does take care of me."I hug the pillow tighter."She looks after me every time I have a panic attack, and she helps around the house as much as she can. And she reads out loud to me, and she picks my outfits, and she makes me feel happy and safe and loved." Hark nods again. It's maybe starting to annoy me. They don't understand, not properly.
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[sorry i'm running late today i will probably go back through and edit the details in this chapter]
[Adora]
The ball is at Elberon's end of the court, so I'm mostly occupying myself trying to get away from their GD. She's not even a particularly aggressive marker, or very fast, but she's tall and muscly and that presents quite a challenge in itself, because I don't want to accidentally go running facefirst into her - it would be like hitting a brick wall; and, besides, Catra might get cross at me if I did. Actually, she definitely would. The umpire's whistle blows."Footwork! Bright Moon's ball." A chorus of grumbles breaks out amongst Elberon. Now our wing D's got it, then Centre, wing A, Centre again (he does a footwork but I don't think the umpire notices), wing A, and then I manage to dart out from behind my marker and wing A passes to me just before the three seconds is up, and then I bounce it to GS and get in the circle, then GS to me before Elberon's GD can catch up, and then all in the space of fifteen seconds I've gone from idle to standing under the net with a ball in my hands. "Take your time.", says GS. He's been playing for a year longer than me, so I trust him, and take a slow, calming breath. Elberon's GK is actually hilariously short, but they look like they could jump a fair distance. There's me, and them, and our GS in a little triangle around the net, and then my friend the GD hovering behind us. I think GS is starting to get bored."Just go for it. I can get the rebound." Aim with your shoulders, hold the ball properly, push *up* with your arms, follow through once you've let go- Just like that, I've scored my first goal in a proper fixture! GS and wing A high-five me, and when I look over at Catra, she's smiling proudly. As we head back to our positions, I hear Elberon's GA saying, "She's She-Ra! No fair!"
[Catra]
"I got two goals! Did you see?"Adora's hopping with excitement, beaming. In actuality, her team lost the match, but it was a close-run thing, and I saw one of the other team's defenders trying to trip Adora. I don't think she noticed, to be honest. "Yeah, I saw. Very cute. Nice arms."I grab one of Adora's biceps and stand on my tiptoes for a second to kiss her cheek. If she wasn't red-faced already from the running around, she is now. One of the other team members passes by, collecting bibs, and Adora hands hers in."Match tea's in the pavilion.", they say. Adora starts to pick at her fingernails, so I hold one of her hands. "You don't want to go to the tea?", I ask. She shakes her head. "Why?" "Uh... I... maybe they don't want me there. And I don't really know anyone. Or what I'm doing." I squeeze her hand."You scored two goals, didn't you? That's more than you can say for the middle man." "You mean the Centre?" "See? You do know what you're doing, silly."I start to pull her toward the little building."C'mon." She goes reluctantly with me, but once we're inside, there's a group of people at a table saying "She-Ra! Come sit here!", so we head over, and Adora's starting to look more confident. Somewhere in the group a couple of chairs are found for Adora and I, and then there are biscuits being passed around, and people talking about netball or whatever, so I just lean against Adora and let her do the talking for both of us.
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You had to admit, Scorpia and Perfuma had done an incredible job transforming the Fright Zone. The streets were wide and sunny, and had, on either side, buildings that were better described as 'tree' than 'wooden', decorated with generous flourishes of flora. It was amazing, too, to see the way the people had changed: Adora saw former soldiers and cadets that she recognised by face, but not by their liberated manner - they played, and laughed, and wore what looked like their old uniform, cut up and refashioned into daring styles. There were some exceptions. Catra seemed guarded and on-edge - possibly because she'd point-blank refused to use a mobility aid today. Also, there were some Horde cadets - notably, never soldiers - still in their old uniforms, lurking in dark spots. These, Adora assumed, were what Scorpia had described as 'loyalists'. Unfortunately, there wasn't much that could be done about them. Glimmer and Bow, who had been discussing Bright Moon trade with Perfuma, caught up with Adora and Catra. "Hi, guys!", shouted Glimmer. Adora smiled placidly."We're looking for a tea-shop. Scorpia recommended 'Pots and Pansies'. "Cool. Let's go."Glimmer reached out to grab Adora, who sidestepped, and then raised an eyebrow."Wh- oh, yeah. OK, I'll go and find a map."She disappeared. For the sake of not standing still in the road, Catra, Adora and Bow continued to wander along at an ambling pace. Through the window of one shop, Octavia was visible, using a treadle machine - the punk-style clothes hung up all around the walls, at varying levels of completion, were presumably her work. Glimmer appeared again, several paces behind."Found it. It's on the road parallel to this one." The group set off together. They took a side-road that was narrower, with more ramshackle buildings - little street-food places and antiques shops, as well as several people in hooded cloaks or masks. One of these people, Adora noticed, seemed to be wearing Horde armour under her cloak. After a moment Adora recognised her as Yvie, one of the younger Cadets, who'd always been decidedly unpleasant. Glimmer started laughing at the shop called "Knobs and Knockers", which sold door furniture. All of a sudden, Yvie leapt to one side, and within half a second Adora registered the knife in her hand. Adora transformed into She-Ra and pinned Yvie, who dropped the knife quickly onto the cobblestones, against the wall.
[Apologies for the abrupt cut. I decided to delete the bit where someone gets stabbed because I felt it was unnecessary. I am or will soon be working on an ending for this chapter.]
[To make up for it, here's another tiny scene I wanted to put in early Post. It can happen the evening of this chapter, then.]
"What's that?", asked Catra. "Are you still wearing the bracelet you had on earlier?" Adora pulled the blanket over her arm."No." "You are!"Catra giggled, and then seemed to realise something, and stopped quickly."Why?" "I just... feel like something bad would happen if I took it off." "Like what?" Adora went a bit pink."I don't know." "Is there something you're scared of?" "I don't know.", Adora whispered. "Well, you can't sleep with it on."Catra sat up, and reached over Adora, pulling the blanket back, and undid the clasp."There. Nothing bad's happened, right?"She took the bracelet and put it on her bedside table. Adora pulled the blanket back up, nearly to her ear."You don't know that." Catra lay down again and wrapped one arm around Adora."Yes, I do. It's alright, Princess. Nothing bad can happen as long as we have each other." Adora stayed silent.
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[Bow]
"Aw, look at that! Daffodils!"I point them out to Catra, who makes some sort of noncommittal noise."And - can you hear the birds? Man, I love the spring!" "Fucking hate the spring.", Catra grouses. " 'S too hot. I feel like shit and my pain's flared up and I slept, like, three hours last night." I check on my tracker pad."It's only seventeen degrees." "What are you, a weather station? Anyway, fourteen's the only temperature I want it to be, ever."She uncrosses her arms, huffs, and crosses them again. "So, uh, how's the moving-house thing coming along?", I ask, mainly to make conversation. Catra glares at me slightly."Well, Adora's found one she likes." "Oh, right."I nod."How about you? Any thoughts?" "No.", Catra mutters. "Where the fuck are the other two, then?" "Still browsing gloves, I think."I check Glim's location - yeah, she's still in the shop. Catra shifts in place slightly and starts to crack her knuckles and wrists again. "Hey," I suggest, "we could totally go back to the palace right now. Chill out, eat some pastries, wait for the others." "Fine."Catra gets up and starts to head in the direction of Bright Moon, and I text Glimmer to catch up with us.
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[The first speaker is Scorpia. You're going to have to guess the rest haha]
A recording of a meeting in Bright Moon Conference Room 1 on April 3rd, 03.
"Hi. Guys. Wow, I'm kinda nervous. I've never really been the one presenting a meeting before!" "Co-presenting, dear." "Oh. Yeah, ha - sorry, Seph. Yeah, uh, so, we have made great strides in our progress with the Scorpion Kingdom! It looks like we will have up to seventy per-cent of our residents out of temporary accommodation by the end of the month. And, um, the - in March we'll have one hundred and ten per-cent of the space, that is, according to the December census, so I've gathered you all here to distribute these... things." "Promotional materials." "Yes, that is right! We've got, um, leaflets - lovely - and posters. See, that there's a photo of the new park Perfuma made - isn't it pretty? And - sorry, off topic. Ahem. So the thing is, really, that as compared to the major cities, we've got about... a tenth of the population? And, really, if we wanted to get back to the pre-war numbers... 'course, I'm not expecting to get back up to three hundred thousand immediately, but... y'know. It really makes you think. Twenty-five thousand seems like a lot, but it's way emptier than in the frescoes. ...There's me going off topic again, though. It's obvious that more use could be made of the whole Western Peninsula." "Question." "Go on, Mermista." "Is there a good connection between the Scorpion Kingdom and the nearest port at Colonia?" "Ah, yes, that is - that is on the agenda, I think, and if it's not, it's going top of the list, believe you me!" "I'm wondering something too." "Yeah?" "What kind of numbers are you realistically expecting from each major region?" "Well, I, uh - I think that I do not know. Um, Seph?" "Cyias does the maths. Don't they, Scorpia dear? Well, I wouldn't know, because I'm not too good with numbers, but I'll have Cyias send you a carbon copy, Bow."
A crashing noise.
"Can I help with the distribution of the leaflets?" "Oh, hi, Swift Wind!" "How long's he been listening?"
The scraping of chair legs.
"No one said Swift Wind -" "Perfuma literally just did." "- and if you let us get on with our meeting, we can go to Thaymor on Saturday." "That's a tempting offer, but - agh! Hey! Stop pushing me! That's so violent, Adora, and I for one -"
A pair of doors close.
"Sorry, guys. I should house-train him. Palace-train. Uh. Sorry."
A long pause.
"... Oh, my gosh, I'm in charge of this meeting! Y'know, haha, I was just waiting for someone to, um, anyway. Ahem. No problem, Adora! Let us continue. And, um, so, any more questions? ...No? OK. So, I - oh lor, I forgot to hand these around! Right, so here's the leaflets. And we can... discuss them?" "Why don't you explain them to everyone, dear?" "Of course. Yes. Right, so, front page, that's the photo I was talking about. And underneath that, there's... there's a, uh, title, which... Catra, are you OK? You look kinda..." "Sorry. I should leave." Two chairs are drawn out, and a door opens and closes. "Right, OK, so... the second page! That's all we could find about the history of the Scorpion Kingdom. About my grandfather and... stuff. It's not much, but we've got archaeologists on it, so. Third page... Horde stuff. Let's skip that. Ooh, and these two are all pictures of our new infrastructure! Really nice, right? It's all thanks to Perfuma." "And the mathematicians, and the architects, and the builders that helped. A job is never finished alone." "Of course. But - you did do all the hard work." "Scorpia, you know that I don't-" "Moving on, a page about why people should move here - there, I mean, haha - and then a maths page, eurgh. And then, some concept drawings! Wish I could draw like that. Can't even make a straight line with a ruler! Haha." "What's this say?" "Let's see... 'Our buildings are sr- scrup - scrupously - scupperlously' - you know what, Frosta, I can't read that either." "Scrupulously designed." "Oh, thanks, Mermista. Gee, maybe I should carry a dictionary around with me. Haha." "I've got one here!" "There's no way - oh my goodness, Bow! That is too cute! Does it fit in your pocket? Genius! Whoops, I've gone off topic again - sorry. Uh. Should probably conclude this meeting at some point! Right. There's a thing they say, it's, what is it - oh yeah! AOB? Any other business? There's an - it's a, you know, acrostic. So, any other business?"
Silence.
"OK, guess not! Alright. Meeting dismissed! Wow, that was fun to say. You ever dismissed a meeting, Seph?"
Recording ends.
[Scorpia's nervous laughter does get a bit annoying after a while, doesn't it? Haha.]
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[Bow.]
I paperclip the loose sheets together and take them to Catra's office. There's no response when I knock on the door, although I've seen her around already this morning. "Catra? You there?", I try. She might've gone home - she wasn't looking too good earlier. "Oh, it's just you, Bow. Come in." I do so, and she's lying on the floor, feet propped up on her desk chair. Her satchel's open next to her and it looks like she's tipped half of it out - there's a pile of random stuff on the floor. I sit next to her."You alright? Need me to get Adora?" "Nah, I'm good. I just forgot to take my meds this morning. I'll be fine in, like, twenty minutes."She gives me a dispassionate smile. "Is there anything you need?" "No. Don't fuss. You- you don't have to..."She waves a dismissive hand at me."I appreciate you're busy." "Uh, no -" I check my watch - "I'm actually having a break right now. What can I get you? Water? Salt? Ice?"Quite a while ago, Adora sat Glimmer and I down and briefed us, military-style, on what to do for Catra when she has a POTS episode. The gist of it was to make her safe, cool her down, and give her salt. "No, it's fine." And, Adora's final point - if Catra's declining help without getting outright angry, she probably just wants company."Should I just stay here, then? I can clean up your bag if you want. There's a bunch of, uhh..."I uncrumple a random bit of paper. It's just a list of numbers, some of them crossed out, that I can't make head nor tail of."... Stuff. Weird stuff." "I mean, if you want to. Got to warn you, I'm not a great conversation partner. I keep passing out. Like, twenty times today." "I feel like you should go to the doctor, maybe."I'm sorting the stuff into categories, one of which - 'other' - currently contains three compression gloves, two felt mice, and a singular bolt. "They'd just tell me to put up with it and go home. I've had worse days than this, anyway." I hold up the bolt."What's this for?" "Oh, that's part of my desk. Well, it was. The desk works fine without it, so."She shrugs. "Huh."There are about four falling-apart copies, it turns out, of the programme to Erelandia's carol service. Has Catra really been carrying them around since Miðanhrim? She suddenly breathes out sharply and starts taking her pulse. "You alright?" "Yeah, I'm- good." At cross-purposes to this statement is how pale her face has just gone. I try to remember where I left my communicator. Is it close enough that I could quickly go grab it? I'm not as sure as Catra is that she doesn't need Adora."You just want me to stay here? Or?" "Hm. Uh, could you j... just hold on. One second." I stay tense, in a slight dilemma over whether it would be in Catra's best interests to watch her, or get Adora immediately. "Can you keep talking? About anything. So I know if I can, I can, uh, hear you.", she mumbles. "Sure. Sure sure sure. Doin' that right now. Talking. So, um, I don't know what I should talk about, but, hey, I guess that's my decision, huh. I think I might just read off a random bit of paper, y'know, 'cause it's, like, pre-prepared words. I don't even have to invent my own. Ha-ha. Okay, so - six eggs, bread semicolon normal - oh, look, it's a shopping list - apples, strawberries brackets not ripe, sunflower seeds, croissants..."I trail off when Catra goes limp. After checking to make sure that she's breathing, I dash to my office and get my communicator. Catra's still unconscious upon my return. It rings four times before Adora picks up."Hey, Bow. How's th- is that Catra's office?" "Uh, yeah. Yep. She's not... uh, not doin' so hot."I offer Adora an unconvincing smile. "What's happened?" "She says she's fainted like twenty times today. And another time now. So, twenty-one. Is that bad? And she said she's fine, b-" "Okay, okay, calm down. Can you describe what's happening currently?"Adora gets up, and says, "Sorry, George.", to someone offscreen, and there's a muffled voice in the background. "Umm... well, she's passed out currently, and she's all safe and everything. Lying down, feet up, it's fine, she's not hurt." "Are her knees properly supported?, asks Adora. "If you just put her feet up, her knees hyperextend, and that's painful."Judging by what I can see, Adora's in the library's sitting-room now."Also, obviously, is she, like, breathing?" "Yeah, she's alive. Knees all good." "I'm inviting Glimmer to the call. Can you- does Catra have her bag? - there should be an ice thing in the front pocket. You just kind of punch it and it gets cold. Uh, do that, and then also in the front pocket there should be sal-" "This better be good. I'm really busy.", interrupts Glimmer, who's just joined. "Hey, yeah, quick favour, can you just teleport me to Catra's office?", asks Adora. "You've got feet, haven't you?", asks Glimmer moodily. "No, C-" "You haven't got feet? That is shocking." "No, listen to me Glimmer, Catra's not well and I need to be there for her." "If you were there the whole time she was unwell, you'd be glued to her. She's an adult. She can manage.", says Glimmer firmly, crumpling up a sheet of paper and throwing it off-screen. I cut in."Just do it, please, babe." "Fiiine.", Glimmer groans, and several seconds later, she and Adora appear in the office, which is starting to feel very small."At some point I'm going to get sick of chauffeuring you lot around."She teleports away in a cloud of sparkles, which Adora bats away from Catra. Adora takes my place sitting on the floor, grabbing the ice pack - which I couldn't figure out - from me, whacking it against a filing cabinet, and lifting up Catra's head to put it under her neck."Can you get some water, Bow?" I jump to my feet." 'Course. Water. Yeah." I think Catra might just be waking up as I leave.
[For two overthinkers, Bow and Adora's conversation in the middle there went really well]
[not trying to make glimmer seem like an antagonist. she's just having a bad day today to mix up the vibes cause you can't have everyone being helpful that's boring]
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Glimmer appeared in the library. "Hi!"She was sparkling, seemingly in a bit of a panic."Can I have a quick word with Adora?" George nodded in both their general direction, and then went back to shuffling paper. The door was left slightly ajar, and George could hear the murmur of quiet conversation, until- "That's NOT the kind of thing you can jus-" The shout cut off abruptly, and with a sigh, George got up to check. Yep - Adora was gone. Lance wouldn't be too happy. Adora led Glimmer into the corridor."Everything okay?" "Uhh... well. So, you know how you've moved house just recently? I thought we could have a little lunch to celebrate, just the four of us, y'know, and Catra wasn't in her office so I just went to fetch her, and-" "Tell me you didn't." "- it was completely an accident, and I'm super sorry, but I kind of forgot she doesn't teleport well?" "That's NOT the kind of thing you can jus-"The scene changed into the Bright Moon gardens. There was a little picnic set out, and near the picnic blanket, Bow was fussing over an unconscious Catra."-t FORGET, Glimmer!" "I'm sorry! It really was an accident! I had my mind on other things!" Adora took over the first aid, and Bow retreated to a little fountain, determined not to take sides. "Give things one SECOND of thought, Glimmer, before you start throwing magic around!" "I've said I'm sorry!" "Did you stop to think, hmm, why Catra was at home? Could it be that she was already flaring today? No?" "I-" "This is the third fricking time since we got back from space! And it gets worse every time! And how are we supposed to get home, now? Hm?" "I could-" Adora held out a hand to Glimmer."Why don't you just teleport us home? The damage is already done. One more can't make it much worse."As Glimmer moved to take her hand, Adora suddenly pulled it back and added, "Make sure you take us to the new house. Don't suppose that's slipped your mind, too?" Glimmer was already crying. She didn't stay longer than half a second with Adora and Catra before going straight back to Bright Moon and burying her face in her pillow.
["It [the effect of teleporting on Catra] gets worse every time" - technically right, but still incorrect. What is correct is that {A) Catra gets worse over time} and {B) the effect is proportional to distance travelled, how well Catra's doing, and Glimmer's connection to the Moonstone (which can be affected by a lot of things e.g. the moons, her temper, time of day)}. Therefore the effect of teleporting on Catra and its relationship to time is mostly correlation, some causation.]
["One more can't make it much worse" - oh yes it can]
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[Adora]
My mobile rings. It's Glimmer. I pick up, but turn off the camera, because I look a right state - still in pyjamas at eleven in the morning, and my hair's not properly brushed but it's still out of the way in a quick ponytail. I don't wait for her to get a word in edgeways."No, you're not forgiven." Glimmer sighs."Yep. Got it. But, uh - could I speak to Catra, please? Y'know, since she's the one I actually hurt. I tried calling her, but her communicator's dead." "What gives you the impression that she wants to speak to you? What gives you the impression that she can?"As a matter of fact, I've been trying to speak to her since about 4AM, but she loses the thread of the conversation after about ten seconds, and then just gives up on the concept of it. "Oh, come on, Adora. Stop speaking for Catra. You keep doing it - 'Catra's tired, we have to leave' or 'loud noises make Catra nervous'. Is she your girlfriend or your pet?" That strikes a nerve."Queen Glimmer of Bright Moon, don't you dare call Catra a pet."That nickname followed Catra around, since before I can remember and up until I left the Horde. People used to joke that I owned her - kept her on a lead - fed her twice a day - that sort of thing. One of the Force Captains doing inventory marked her down among my possessions once. Bag, blanket, Catherine Elisabeth, camping stove... he unrelatedly, the following day, had a broken leg. "Shut up, Adora. Let her defend herself. She doesn't need you coddling her like a damn baby." "Oh, look who's talking about talking for people now-" "No, actually, I'm not speaking for Catra there, because what I just said is a universal truth!", interrupts Glimmer. "Everyone deserves the opportunity to fight for themself." "And everyone deserves to be fought for when they can't."I turn the camera on, because eff it. I don't really care how I look."Y'know, at the Heart, do you think we won just because I was fighting for myself? I was pretty much dead! Catra defended me, and now I am defending her." "You can't seriously be comparing this little accident to the event that ended a thousand-year war." "Well, you were the one that brought up fighting." Glimmer looks like she's about to make an angry retort, but something - or someone - behind her camera catches her attention for a couple of seconds and then she takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair."This is getting unproductive. Look, Adora - I'm sorry. Tell Catra I'm really, really sorry that I've hurt her so bad that she apparently can't even speak. Sorry." "Apology not accepted."I hang up.
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[Catra]
"You sure you're up to it?" I smile and nod slightly. While I'll admit Adora's concern is probably warranted - my current threshold for sitting seems to be about five minutes before I pass out - I know I can handle this. It's just a call with our best friends, and I've got my script all prepared. It rings, and rings again, and rings another half-note before Bow and Glimmer pick up. Glimmer's been crying, I think."I'm really sorry.", Glimmer begins. "I was totally not thinking when I teleported you. And I realise that I should be more careful" - bit of a long apology, isn't it? - "especially since I've made the same mistake before. But I promise this'll be the last time. No more accidents. I'm-" "Yeah, I forgive you, case closed, sorry for interrupting, trying to keep this short, time-wise."I offer Glimmer a thumbs-up that sends a bolt of pain through my elbow. "And, Adora?", Bow adds. "I think you and Glimmer should apologise to each other, for losing your tempers. Multiple times." Adora crosses her arms."I'm not apologising for anything. Glimmer's in the wrong here." Bow's tone gets less hesitant."She reached out to you in good will yesterday. You immediately shut her down, and got aggressive when she suggested conflict-resolving measures. You owe her an apology." "If we're getting that nitpicky, you owe Catra an apology for subluxating her shoulder doing first aid.", replies Adora. "This's going nowhere.", I mutter, and hang up the call."I don't like that you dragged Bow into it. Cool off, Adora." "Yeah, well, what was with the instant forgiveness? You could have not been suffering so much for the past couple days if Glimmer'd just thought for two seconds. So - so why did you- why are you pretending it's okay?"She's gesticulating wildly as if to illustrate the ridiculousness of what I'm doing. "Number one, it was an accident. Sparkles isn't malicious. Number two, hating people takes a hell of a lot more energy than you'd think. Number three, that was a genuine apology. And number four - I just don't care. She can have her forgiveness. It doesn't affect me." "Number five, you're trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug, because you're scared of being ill." I stare at Adora. Genuinely, what's got into her?"I told you to cool off. Now, go cool off. You're in a weird mood. I don't like it." She helps me lie down, and gets up, and yawns, and then crosses her arms again."I'll be just next door if you need me." "If you're not calm by teatime I'm calling Perfuma.", I tell her as she leaves.
[when Catra says "trying to keep this short", she means "this" as in the video call. adora (and possibly glimmer and bow) understandably misinterpret it as "this" as in the whole matter.]
[so who is the actual antagonist of Accident?]
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"Hi, Adora." "Glimmer."Adora didn't look up. "So, I was looking into some old records, and I came across this place called 'Aelond'. Any idea?" Adora crossed the room and pulled an index card out of a drawer."Old name for Erelandia."She sat back down and continued reading about the First Ones' arable farming techniques. "Are you still mad at me?" Slowly, Adora turned a page."What do you think?" "Oh, come on. It was an accident. Learn to take an apology!" Lance, sitting at a different table, turned pink and hid his face. Adora still refused to look up at Glimmer."Be that as it may, I'm allowed to be angry." Glimmer stuck up her middle fingers and disappeared. Adora's mobile rang. Glimmer. She put down the cheese-grater, and gave a meaningful look to Catra over on the sofa, and picked up. There was a long pause. "Sorry, Adora, I was rude earlier.", began Glimmer. "I know. I was there." "Why are you still mad at me though? It's been a whole week! I d- sorry, calming down. It has been a week. Catra is basically better. She has forgiven me. I do not understand why you are still giving me the cold shoulder."Glimmer enunciated every word carefully, as if she were afraid of being misunderstood. "Because, would you believe, your partner being really ill makes you kind of worried and tired and unhappy? Is that unfeasible?" "Well, I - what can - how - what do I have to do to make it up to you? I have absolutely no idea what you want from me! It's hones- I don't want to say you're being unreasonable, but..." "But it was an accident?" "... Yes." Adora sighed."Can we talk in person? Altogether? I'll arrange it with Bow."She hung up without waiting for a response. Accident, accident, accident. The word was running rings around her. If Glimmer would just admit fault-
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[Adora]
I always make pancakes on therapy days. It gets me excited for the day - we always had them before major Rebellion meetings - and Catra doesn't mind them. Although, she does have a slightly odd taste for savoury pancakes, as opposed to my golden-syrup-smiley-faces with sprinkles for hair. Anyway, making pancakes is fun: mixing the batter, and trying not to break them into little pieces when I turn them over, and seeing how big and round I can get it - and sometimes Catra can join in, and sometimes she can stay nearby and chat, and sometimes she can... sit on the sofa, being sarcastic. Which is putting a bit of a dampener on the mood. "Do you want toast with yours?", I ask. "Tch. No." So I close my eyes, and breathe in, and out."Are you angry at me?" Dead silence. "Is your pain okay?" Nothing. Another deep breath."Catra, I feel like you're ignoring me." "I feel like you're being stupid."Her voice is muffled, like she's got something in her mouth. I slide the pancake onto a plate and look over - she's chewing on her little finger. She has things that are safe to chew on. Is she hurting herself on purpose?- deep breaths. Calm the heck down. "Should I go and get y-" "No. Fuck off, She-Ra." I bite my lip because I'm very nearly about to start shouting. Instead, "I think you know that was hurtful.", I say quietly. Catra doesn't respond, so I put a few bits of chicken on top of her pancakes, hand them to her, and grab my own plate and the bottle of syrup."I'm going to go eat in the study for ten minutes. Okay?" "Mm. Sure." Melog - I'd thought it was asleep - jumps up onto the windowsill and growls at something outside. "... Just shout if you need anything." "Yeah, I won't.", she mutters. Deep breaths. Calm down. June 6th, 1003, A. GrayskullI hide my nail clippers with blue tack on the underside of the lowest shelf in the bathroom cabinet because Catra doesn’t wear shoes and the lowest shelf is where the shoe polish is. I don’t like it because I only do it when Catra’s in a bad mental space. Loads of people said just clip her claws because then she can’t hurt herself but that’s a really bad idea. For one thing she does actually use her claws, mostly for cooking because using a knife makes her hands hurt. And then secondly not having claws wouldn’t make her unable to hurt herself because she still has sharp teeth, she’s bitten her hand before when she got upset and it’s got a higher infection risk, there’s no way to stop her doing that except making her wear a mouth guard and that’s stupid. And then for the third thing also Shadow Weaver used to threaten her with declawing her (except she didn’t really because otherwise our Cadet group’s stats would go down) so now when Catra actually wants to clip her claws it’s because that’s also hurting herself too. But people are stupid and they don’t understand anything, I’ve only told Glimmer and Bow and they got confused anyway, so any time someone brings it up I go m-yeah-sure and then don’t talk to them again. End, 14:23.June 6th, 1003, A. Grayskull
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Summer was properly set in now, bringing with it an oppressive heatwave. This was the same area of weather that had just passed over the westerly part of the Northern Reach. Days ago reports had reached Bright Moon that the crops that thrived in cold were failing, despite the efforts of Frosta as well as whatever Princesses and sorcerers the little tundra villages had at their disposal. There was enough stored food to last them, by estimate, until September, but after that people would start to starve. An emergency meeting had been added to the calendar for this morning. Adora punched her alarm clock into silence, got up, and headed to the kitchen."Hey, Catra." "Hey." Adora could as good as hear Catra's heart racing, just sitting up."I don't think you should go to the meeting." Catra grinned and tapped Adora's nose."You're so cute when you're being practical." "No, I'm serious, it's not safe. You'll literally just fall over. And, d'you remember-" "My memory's not that shit." "Okay, okay, but, anyway - and you're not even really necessary there. You're in charge of the Horde stuff. It has nothing to do with the Northern Reach."Adora buttered some bread - toast was, so to speak, off the table until the weather was tolerable. "I'm the only non-Snows delegate with experience supplying a population in the Northern Reach." "A population of what, three? Four if you're counting Emily?" "There were forty-seven until Hordak made it a skeleton crew. And the average population of a village up north is fifty-one." "Fine, I concede the point. You're still not going, though." "Don't order me around, Princess." "I'm impressed you made it out of bed. I'm not ordering you, I'm telling you." "Wow, Catra has a good day for once. I am shocked."She raised her glass of orange juice sarcastically, and Melog jumped into her lap."Heyy, wh- no, no, you can't drink that. Mine. No. You wouldn't like it. I put salt in it." Adora giggled."Looks like you're stuck." "Oi." "Anyway, be serious. You're not going to be able to walk to Bright Moon, plus sit through a meeting, plus say stuff and listen to everyone else, and then there's always tea and biscuits after, or you might just get conscripted on the spot by Frosta." "Unlikely. She hates me."Catra was still trying to stop Melog having her breakfast. Adora ran her hand over its mane."Keep Catra there until I'm ba-" "Let it look after itself. It's got years of mousing to catch up on."Catra didn't try to follow Adora to the front door. While Adora was putting her shoes on, she said, "I'll tell you all about it after." "Make sure you mention vacuum-sealing. Entrapta should be familiar." "Bye-bye." "Bye."
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Hordak was out of breath, from all the stairs between the kitchens and the lab. Entrapta had installed a lift for him; sometimes, the defect in his creation left him spent of energy without so much as lifting a finger; but he preferred not to use it, when he could. Using it felt like admitting that he was broken. He hadn't been upstairs much in the past week: EXP-351/03 - his former second-in-command - and that Force Captain that ran away and became She-Ra (surprisingly, not the shortest FC stint in the history of the Horde - that belonged to a small man, now dead, whose name Hordak couldn't remember), had visited to have some sort of chair made. Wrong Hordak had delighted in having some people other than the several-hundred-odd villagers to talk to, but Hordak himself had obstinately avoided his former Cadets. Hordak was carrying with him a platter of tiny biscuits that Wrong Hordak had made, which he'd intended to just hand to Entrapta and then get on with his own project, except that only Entrapta's legs were visible, sticking out from underneath one of those huge cleaning-robots. She was talking to herself."Although I don't know, actually, why I've used an RS-232... I'll check Emily's archive. It seems to be working for now, though." Hordak cleared his throat. "Oh, hi, Hordak!"There was the click of the recorder being switched off, and Entrapta appeared from under the robot, her entire upper half covered in dark grey dust."Oooh, biscuits? Lovely! Anyway, anyway, oh, you have got to see this! I think I've invented a new component!"She lifted her mask, pulled off one glove, and popped a tiny biscuit in her mouth as her hair reached over to a hatch on the side of the cleaning-robot and started removing screws."You've heard of a light-emitting diode. You've heard of a light-dependent resistor. But here is..."Hordak and Entrapta stood around the hatch as it swung away."A light-emitting resistor!" Hordak stared in utter horror at the white-hot rectangle on the circuit board. How it hadn't started a fire, or melted anything, or itself, even in the time he'd been looking at it, he had no idea."A- and this is safe?" "Possibly!", declared Entrapta. "It wasn't designed to do that, but it seems to be holding up fine."She bashed the side of the robot with one fist, and Hordak flinched in anticipation of their impending doom. Nothing happened."See? Safe as... uh..."The simile seemed to escape Entrapta, which was understandable considering the contents of her lab. Hordak was fairly sure that his war robots were capable of less harm than any single item in the room. Oblivious to Hordak's stunned silence, Entrapta grabbed another biscuit, pulled down her visor, and disappeared back under the robot. Click."Fourteen-fifty-two hours. The serial connection is one hundred per-cent functional. The fault should therefore lie in the USB." Slightly afraid, now, to leave the lab in case of a massive fire, Hordak listened to Entrapta chatting away in the background as he worked on his little long-range radio system. It would hopefully be the first product entirely of his own design to be available to the general public.
[Is it pathos that, in another life, Hordak and Catra could have bonded over their chronic fatigue, or just impressive that they managed to keep the Horde running?]
[Because a lot of people seem to miss the fact that Hordak is a disabled character from the outset. The suit that he wears is assistive technology. If is wasn't, in fact, for Horde Prime's ableism, {A) Hordak wouldn't have been cast out to Etheria} and {B) Hordak wouldn't have the internalised ableism that makes him feel that he has to prove his worth by conquering Etheria}.
[In my interpretation: as much as Hordak intellectually knows that he should, he is unable to feel guilt for destroying Etheria. He is directly modelled after Prime, and that affects his emotional capabilities, especially after all that he's personally been through. (This does not apply to Wrong Hordak, who, as more of a blank slate, was able to be influenced to good by his found family.) Hordak's lack of remorse for the past doesn't make him a bad friend to Entrapta, though, and he's working on improving himself.]
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[The first speaker is Adora. The second speaker is Catra.]
"And Netty's going to visit every day." "Yeah, I know." "And you can call. Any time." "Yep." "Or you can call anyone. Glimmer, Spinny, Jace, Micah, Juliet, anyone." "I know." "And I'll call you, every day." "I'm not gonna miss you that much.", lied Catra, and then she kissed Adora, hoping that one of the two things would shut her up. Neither did."And don't push yourself. Just relax. Have a nice time while I'm away." "We've been through all of this. Many, many times."Catra absentmindedly fiddled with the buttons on the winter coat Adora was wearing. The whole team, standing around the atrium saying goodbye to their families, were similarly kitted out, ready to head to the Northern Reach - teleport to Seaworthy, and from there by boat. "I know. I just want you to be safe." Catra smirked."I'd be more worried about you. What happened the last time you went there? Oh, yeah - you were staggering around, plastered, while everyone else was trying not to die." "I- it- that was your fault! And I wasn't drunk." A couple of people turned around, curious. "Still."Catra tapped the side of Adora's head."Red disc, don't touch."She was mostly just glad to have interrupted Adora's worrying. Or, at least, Adora's worrying about her. Adora was always worrying about something. "Hat, hairties, snow glasses, scarf, warm clothes, coat, gloves, other gloves, lots of socks, snow shoes, stove, fuel, food, water, tent, sleeping bag, communicator, personal effects.", listed off Adora, for the fourteenth time today - Catra was keeping count. "Yeah, Anxietydora, I think you're fine." Adora's hands started fidgeting."I know. Better safe than sorry, though." "TWO MINUTES!", bellowed Glimmer from the top of the staircase, and the team started assembling. "I love you. I'll miss you. See you in a couple weeks.", murmured Catra, kissing Adora one more time, and then another one more time for good measure. Adora ran her fingers down behind Catra's ear."I'll miss you too. I love you so much." They stared at each other silently for a second, not sure who was going to move first. "Bye.", Catra finally said, with a little wave."Have a nice time." Adora headed toward the group, and once she was a fair distance across the room, transformed into She-Ra, just as Glimmer started yelling, "WHERE THE FUCK IS ADO- oh, there you are. C'mon, then! Can't be late! Let's go!"
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"Happy-birthday-to-youu, happy-birthday-to-youu, happy-birthday-dear-Sea-Hawwwwk... haappy-birth-day-to-youuu." Sea Hawk had taken rather a lot of convincing to blow out the candles, as opposed to setting the cake on fire - most of this convincing achieved by decorating the cake with a mermaid-scale pattern. Glimmer had teleported in the cake - "But,", she'd said, rather out of breath, "only 'cause of that one time he actually kinda did a thing. I'm not taking anything else all this way just for kicks." She'd then gone straight to Mystacor, where apparently she was still in the steam baths, recovering. Sea Hawk walked up to the campfire, gave a dramatic pause, and then turned to address the group."Thank you, my friends, for that wondrous shanty! I must confess myself rather musically spent. But fear not - I am a veritable repository of tales. Tales of such high intrigue - such adventure! - that you will be glued. Nay, adhered! - to your seats."A few people were already proving him wrong, muttering about being tired and heading back to their tents, but Adora decided to stick around and humour him. Catra had said she wouldn't call until seven her time, which was ten PM here."For, you see, I was sailing the high seas one fine - no, stormy - no, sunny day, in search of danger and suchlike, when lo! Who do I see before me, but my dearest Mermista!"He covered his moustache with one hand, and put on a falsetto." 'Sea Hawk! Your wit and charm amaze me. Will you attend Princess Prom with me?' "He switched back to himself. More people were leaving, now."My heart was set aflame by the very idea. 'Why of course, Mermista, dear!', I replied. And so I slayed the- no, wrong story. And so I availed myself of the finest outfitters in Salineas. Only to discover that they were, in fact, thieves and scoundrels! I fought them, two hundred in number, and took that dashing outfit of mine as a prize. And so, at the Ball, all you saw before you was an incredibly handsome man and his incredibly handsome girlfriend - but what, in fact, you were looking at - was a hero!"He finished the story with a fist in the air, and a few of the remaining team members started clapping sarcastically. Bow grinned at him."Tell us how Mermista proposed!", he called, although the group had already heard three conflicting renditions of the same story. "Ahh, yes, the day my darling Mermista asked for my hand in marriage. 'Twas a chill autumn eve. We were sailing the high seas, in search of peril and suchlike, when a huge sea serpent appeared, threatening our very lives! I, naturally, dived off the ship and did away with it with my bare hands." "Wait.", interrupted Adora. "Didn't I-" "No, no, you must be misremembering.", he muttered. "Anyhow! Mermista watched this feat with awe and... amazément. And when I climbed back onto the boat, the seawater glistening attractively on my excellent physique, Mermista was overcome by emotion, and sang me a song! Would you like to-" "No.", chorused Adora, Bow and the remaining listeners. "Alright, then. Trust, however, that her lyrical composition was pure magic. And at the end of this masterpiece, what did she do, but fall to one knee and ask me to marry her! I, of course accepted, and thereafter, many a boat was set afire." "A-lots of fire!"Swift Wind had just returned from foraging in a nearby forest."Although, not actually. They were mostly made of newspaper. And kind of didn't burn properly. But man, it was fun!" Adora turned around, shocked."Wait. You were there?" "Duhh.", he replied, as if Adora were being stupid."My mission doesn't just extend to continental equines, thank you very much." "Speaking of horses!"Sea Hawk strode over."And of our excellent engagement celebrations, which I think our friend here must be misaccounting. I was, one day, sailing the high seas. in search of risk and suchlike, when..." Adora feigned a yawn."See you tomorrow.", she whispered to Bow, and headed back to her tent.
[I don't know if Adora should be leaving the boys alone haha]
["On lots of fire!" is objectively one of the best She-Ra quotes ever in my humble opinion]
[Sea Hawk saying "slayed" instead of "slew" was something I deliberated over]
"Hey, Adora." "Hey." "So? How's it going?" "Uhh... good. Yeah. All, kind of... much the same, y'know. Handing out supplies to people. Walking. More people, more walking. Sea Hawk did more singing. How are you?" "Good." "I can't see you." "Yeah, just a sec - there." "What are you wearing?" "Adora. You might be cold, but it's August here." "O- okay. Are you sure you're alright?" "I'm jus- yeah, I'm fine. What was Sea Hawk singing?" "Can you be honest with me?" "Yell me what he was singing, and then, yeah. Maybe." "Well, there was one about ice cream, one about Scorpia, and then he kick-started his own 'happy birthday'. Look - it's really impor-" "What did he say about Scorpia?" "It was, y'know, power of friendship stuff. I might've been mentioned. But seriously, Catra, when I can't see you in person, I really need you to be truthful." "Mm-hm. You've said." "So?" "So, same as ever, really. My wrists keep kind-of crunching and then snapping, which is weird, but it doesn't hurt." "Can you take your temperature?" "I'm allowed to be warm. It's the summer." "Yeah, I know, b-" "Thirty-six point nine. Now, shut up, 'cause I actually want to talk to you." "Okay. Uhh... you seen Glimmer around?" "She's in Mystacor. I thought you knew? Micah's gone, too, so Juliet's in charge of the palace. Rules with an iron fist. Nearly didn't let me take my TENS unit into work." "You shouldn't be working. This is your opportunity to take a break." "Okay, but one, you're working twenty-four-seven. So I've got to, y'know, balance it out a bit. And number two, what else am I s'posed to do for two weeks?" "You could take up a new hobby." "Ha, ha. Anyway, we're talking too much about me. How are you? Where's your campsite today?" "Um, well, crucially, we're not on a sheet of volcanic rock any more. So the tents are actually properly pitched today. And, y'know, She-Ra strength, ended up carrying three other people's stuff, and I really don't mind but y- hang on a sec." "Y'alright?" "Uh... yeah, I think the boys are doing marshmallows on the campfire." "Cool. Go join in. Or, at least, stop them from burning you all." "No, I don't have to go, I can stay her-" "Love you so much miss you bye."Catra hung up. And then she started crying.
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[Adora]
4:54 PM It's nice to be back in my own room, in my own house, with my own girlfriend. Sure, missions are nice, but nothing makes me happy like a sullen glare and a no I absolutely didn't miss you Princess from Catra. I collapse into bed and she giggles."They not let you sleep?" "Sea Hawk was there. No-one slept."I decide not to clarify whether that's because of the incessant shantying, or the fear of arson. "Lavender tea?"She starts to leave, just as I notice something. "Wait." She turns around and then tilts her head a degree at me. I pull the doll I've just spotted out from where it is, half-stuck under her pillow, and hold it up."You've been sleeping with a tiny She-Ra? That's really sweet!" " 'Sleeping with'? Ew, no, you pervert. Melog must've put it there."She sticks a middle finger up."I didn't miss you." "One of the arms is chewed.", I point out. Catra turns back around and says, "Melog's fault.", over her shoulder. Melog doesn't tend to chew on stuff in its sleep, though, and Catra does. "I didn't miss you!", she shouts from the kitchen. Not bothering to change out of my mission gear, I lie down and pull the duvet over me. It's really comfortable. I think I might just have a nap.
[just to clarify this isn't Leucin's doll it's just a random one. There's a basket in the back of the wardrobe full of She-Ra merch bc ppl think it's funny]
10:39 PM I shouldn't have had a nap - I can't sleep now. It's either that, or the fact that I've just skipped four hours entirely. I've tried counting sheep, counting She-Ra ragdolls, counting Elementals, counting horses, and counting Princesses, and I'm just about to start counting mice when I give up on the whole thing because it's clearly not working. Catra's the one that does maths, and I'm the one that stresses over the fact that the numbers aren't matching up. When Catra's numbers don't match up, she puts them on Glimmer's desk and tells her to fix it. It usually doesn't work, and then the two of them throw away the actual numbers and improvise a likely one - Best-Friends-Squad-style - and then pretend that it was all fine in the first place. Perhaps not the best strategy for running a kingdom, but hey, the aid mission went off without a hitch - although, Juliet was really in charge of most of that one. I should talk to Juliet more often. The only problem is, she doesn't tend to start conversations, and I tend to be incredibly awkward, and in any case, I'm not at Bright Moon all that much nowadays since Etheria's calmed down in the first year and a half since the war, so I'm at the library four days a week now, that is, when I'm not at home with Catra or off doing She-Ra things. I meant to do some reading for George and Lance on the trip. The book's still in my hiking rucksack, unread. It's making me feel bad. Oh, well, maybe I should take advantage of the sleepless night and start making headway with it. "Can't sleep?", asks Catra as soon as I sit up. Her reflective eyes are staring at me. Oops. I got used to having my own tent."Uh, yeah. Thought I'd go next door and read a book. Sleep hygiene." "Yeah, fuck that.", Catra says, dragging herself upright too, and then she climbs onto my lap and rests her head on my shoulder. She twirls a lock of my hair around her finger."Pretty princess.", she murmurs, and then kisses my neck. I wrap my arms around her."You missed me, didn't you?" "I'm allowed to enjoy having you back without you making it weird." "Missing me isn't weird." "It's sappy. I'm not sappy, I'm mean."She tugs at the collar of my t-shirt."Take this off. It's in the way." "I'm tired." She giggles."Not that. Just -" she kisses my neck again - "skin to skin contact is supposed to be good for your brain, right?" "Oh. Uh, I dunno.", I reply, already pulling off my t-shirt. "Trust me. Science."She undoes the snap buttons, and takes off her own t-shirt, and leans against me. I pull the blanket over her so she doesn't get cold, and then run my hands under it, up and down her back."You sure this isn't just 'cause you missed me?" "Shut up, Princess."
[apart from sheep (which is necessary to begin the spiel), the animals that adora counts move backwards in time]
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[Adora]
I wake up early - that's what a time-zone shift does to you. Same as when I first woke up in Bright Moon, except then, I woke up late. Catra's still asleep, cuddled up next to me. I stare at her for a bit. We're still neither of us wearing pyjama shirts since last night - the freckles that she gets in the summer extend down to her shoulders. I'm a little envious of Glimmer, who says Bow looks like an angel when he sleeps, because Catra, to be perfectly honest, looks demonic. She doesn't close her eyes all the way, which would be creepy on its own without the tapetum lucidum; and, if her mouth is open you can see the sharp incisors; not to mention the weird positions she'll get herself into sometimes. She's absolutely convinced that having one shoulder fully dislocated and her head resting on the arm is comfortable. I smooth out her hair slightly. It's getting a little long; I should cut it. Not because it still irritates her when it touches the scar - just because she's used to the routine of it now. I don't think she's ever considered going to a professional hairdresser and I don't think she will. She's still nervous about haircuts - and that's fine. Maybe I should have my hair cut. Not had it done in a while. Is it getting too long? I can't really tell. I turn over to look at my clock - about 6:15. Catra's usually awake by seven, and if she's not, I start to worry. So. I can lie here for forty-five minutes, can't I? Perfect opportunity for a spot of mindfulness, actually. Didn't get much done on the trip. Let the thoughts pass you by. Imagine the thoughts are clouds. Let them drift past. They're allowed to be there, and you're allowed to be apart from them. It's not sunny, it's not rainy, it's calm. It's fluffy. It's woolly. No, drat it, the clouds have turned into sheep. Well, I like sheep - they work too, I guess. Maybe. Let the sheep pass you by- This isn't working, I'm laughing, I - oh, I've woken Catra up. She doesn't seem all that upset about it. She presses herself into my side, and I turn back over toward her so we can cuddle properly. She's holding onto me tight, but I don't think she's scared or sad. Her ears look happy, anyway, although I can't see her face because it's hidden in my shoulder. We stay like that for quite a while, but eventually I'm starting to get hungry and it must be around breakfast time, so I pull away slowly and sit up. Catra stops purring."Don't go." I lie down again, and Catra latches back onto me, tighter now, and resumes purring, slightly louder. I run my fingers through her hair."Catra.", I murmur, "Your separation anxiety's got worse again." She doesn't respond. "Is it 'cause I went away?" Her claws are starting to dig into my back. I was expecting that. "It it 'cause you feel unwell? Are you hurting?" "I'm fine.", she mumbles, but doesn't let go. The debrief's at eleven in Bright Moon. That's hours in the future. I can afford to stay here for a while.
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Adora woke up, and felt - although she couldn't quite put her finger on it - distinctly wrong. There was the sense, when she turned her head, that her brain wasn't keeping up with her skull, and swallowing felt horribly prickly."Hey, Catra?", she said, and then it struck her, when the intense noise of her own voice solidified into what turned out to be a headache, that she was probably sick. "Mrrp?" Adora smiled. She loved Catra's sleepy noises, although she didn't think Catra knew she made them."You feeling alright?" Catra kicked Adora in the shin, or at least, Adora thought she did."We've been through this. Wait until I've been up for, like, an hour. Then I can tell you." "No, 'cause I think I'm sick." "Oh. Right."The weight on the other side of the bed shifted, and there was the sound of a box opening, and a glass being lifted up and put down."Yeah, you sound it. What kind of sick, like, cold? Flu? What?" "If I say it's a cold, it'll go away quicker." Catra giggled."Yeah. Sure. Hey, y'know what this means?" "Mm?" "My turn."Her face appeared, leaning over Adora, grinning. Adora waved her ineffectually away."Nooo. I don't want you to get it too." "I won't, I won't.", said Catra. "Okay, then, where'd I put the thermometer..." "Seriously, Catra, if you catch this it'll get you in a really bad flare-up. Go hang out at Bright Moon or something. I can cope." "No." Adora reached for her communicator, but Catra got there first, holding it up above Adora."Nuh-uh. I'm looking after you today. So, uh - I don't know. Suck it." "Not cool." Catra stuck her thermometer in Adora's ear."Yeah, and neither are you. Thirty-eight point six." "Ohh, crap."Adora covered her face with a pillow."I'm being serious. Go away. Do you know what you get like when you're running a fever?" "C'mon. Let me have this. My immune system's about the only non-fucked thing about me - I'll be fine. Plus, you can't actually make me go away, so." Adora hugged the pillow tighter to her face, and groaned. "And, also, I'm an expert. You've got a headache, I'm guessing?" "Yeah." " 'Kay, give me a minute."Catra, in fact, took two minutes and fourteen seconds, although Adora's counting might have been wrong."Take the pillow off. You're no use to me dead." Reluctantly, Adora moved her arms, and let Catra pull the pillow away. The lights were turned down, and the curtains were still closed. "Oh, you're really pale, Adora."Making no further inroads on that front, Catra shook the ice-pack she was holding."Lift up your head a sec."Adora complied, although it made her shoulders hurt, too, and Catra slid the ice underneath the back of Adora's neck."That okay?" "Yeah."Although, to be honest, Adora wasn't sure it was. It just added another weird sensation on top of the whole lot she was already feeling. It sounded like Catra was searching through her bedside drawer."Don't think you're allowed any of my stuff. Oh, hey, but I've got some ibupro- no, that's out of date. Wow, I've got to sort through this. Uhh, paracetamol - yeah, that's fine."She paused for a minute."I feel like honey, lemon and electrolyte-powder tea would get you better but also taste like shit. You wanna try it anyway?" Adora nearly nodded, but then replaced this with a "Yeah, sure." "Cool. I'll be back in, like, five minutes with your breakfast."There was the click of two brakes, and then the sound of something mildly colliding with the door, and an effusive string of muttered swearing, and then Adora was left alone. "You've got to be kidding." "C'mon, Adora. This is my one chance for payback. Plus, I don't think you've ever actually had your sugars done, so this is your chance to find out what it's like." Adora sighed, and held out her arm, which Catra slid a blood-pressure cuff onto."Surely that's going to be too tight." "Nope, this is nice, actually. You should see how that one cardiologist with the plaits does it. It's like a vice."She pressed the button, and watched Adora's face carefully as the cuff inflated. When it was done, Adora sighed."That's kind of horrible." "Yeah.", said Catra distantly. "Oh, hey, look at that. It's normal. Anyway, next thing."She took off the blood-pressure monitor, and clipped a pulse ox onto Adora's finger. It got a reading instantly."That's so unfair. Look at that. See, I was saying, we should get one made for cold-blooded people like Rogelio. Then it might work on me." Adora looked up."Eighty-three's a bit elevated if I've been lying down all day." "Hey, but at least your sats are good." "No, that's what normal looks like." "Well."Catra waved a hand around in the air." 'Normal' is relative, right?" "Mm.", said Adora, who seemed unwilling to argue the point. "Right then. Onto the stabbing! At long last it's your turn."She brandished the little pen. "You changed the blade?" "Yeah, I'm not stupid." Adora took off the pulse oximeter, and held her hand out to Catra, and Catra picked the fourth finger. "Five-four-three-"
click
"Heyy!", complained Adora. "Numbers end with one, thank you very much." "I was under the impression that numbers were infinite."Catra squeezed Adora's finger and transferred the drop of blood to a glucose monitor. "You caught me off-guard. I wasn't mentally prepared." "Boo-hoo. I wasn't mentally prepared to beco- whatever. Oh, look, it's normal." Adora pulled the blanket back up to her chin and closed her eyes."Done now." "Uh... okay."Catra stayed there for a bit, stroking Adora's hair.
[Everything Catra does in this scene is technically unnecessary. She's 'playing doctor' with Adora, like children do with teddies in hospital - exploring her feelings about her disability through a role reversal. Catra doesn't realise, but Adora does - that's why she lets her do it]
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"I made you breakfast." Adora slowly opened here eyes, and realised, with a general sense of dread, that her ridiculous hope that she'd be all better in the morning had gone unfulfilled. The back of her throat felt like the whole Crimson Waste had set up shop there, and yesterday's headache was no better, and she was blanketed with an unspecific sort of malaise."Mo-"She coughed, and took a few seconds to recompose herself."Morning." "You sound like someone's grandmother.", commented Catra, sitting herself and the breakfast tray on the bed beside Adora. "Oi. I'm ill. Little sympathy, please?" "I called you off sick. Lance says 'get well soon', but if you're asking me, don't. I'm having a great time." "Yeah, you are.", grumbled Adora. "I feel like my head's been put on backwards." Catra giggled."Oh, woe is you. However will you cope? Now, get up or you'll be having room-temperature tea." "Nooooooooo." "Yeeeeeeeess. Honestly, if you're acting like this over the flu, I'd like to see you have a migraine." Adora made a silly face at Catra, and then quickly stopped, because it made the headache worse."BS. You turn into a ragdoll when you get a cold." " 'Least I can sit up when my head hurts. Anyway, breakfast. Don't try to tell me you've lost your appetite." "Yeah, kinda." "Blueberry jam~. Some of Spinny's from last year. It was behind all the tins in the corner cupboard." Adora carefully forced herself upright, blinking and actually taking in her surroundings. The curtains were half-open, letting in just enough cold autumn light to see Catra, smiling merrily next to the toast-fruit-yoghurt-tea collection she'd compiled."You lo-"Another coughing fit."Lost me at 'jam'." "I'm pretty sure that's not how that phrase works, but."Catra shrugged and lifted the tray onto Adora's lap. Adora picked up the yoghurt spoon, and then put it down again."Did you have breakfast?" "Yeah." "Eating the crusts that you cut off my toast doesn't" - cough - "count." "Well, I taste-tested the fruit, too. And it's all fine, by the way, except the banana which is a bit green but you can put up with that." Adora handed her one of the slices of toast. Catra put it back on the plate. Adora gave it to her again. She put it back again. This continued for about ten seconds or so, until Catra relented and tore the toast in two halves, and started to eat the smaller one. In the whole duration of this, Adora'd also tipped the bowl of fruit into the yoghurt, and mixed the two together, and was about a quarter through the whole of it already. "Is it nice?", asked Catra. Adora nodded, and asked, "Wh' kaa-a yoguh ighi?" through a mouthful, and then, having misinterpreted Catra's confused face, "Cuh ai cah hay i' iyi." "Come again? - that's what she said." When she was done, Adora repeated, "What kind of yoghurt is it? 'Cause I can't taste it, really." "Uhh, just normal. I added honey, though."Having seemingly been spurred into a train of thought, Catra grabbed her thermometer and took Adora's temperature."Thirty-eight point seven... that's high, by the way." "Yes, I know that." "Good. Not delirious yet, then." "Yeah, but my head hurts. And my whole body hurts. And being awake hurts. And my throat hurts."This final point might have been exacerbated by the scratchy toast she was currently eating. The jam was lovely, though. "Oh, no, poor you." Adora batted Catra's arm irritatedly."Don't act unsympathetic. I take your pain plenty seriously. Way more seriously than you, actually. How are you, by the way? Don't overdo it." "I'm fine." There was an extended pause as Adora started to drink her tea."Any specifics?" "No." "Alright, fine. I'm trusting you to ma-" coughing - "manage yourself. So if you crash, or flare up, or catch my flu, that's on you. Also I might be slightly mad if you do, so don't." "I'm perfectly capable of handling myself." "Mm, sure."Adora couldn't be bothered to argue. She set down her empty mug, and slid the tray off her lap, and lay down again. "Oh.", said Catra. "Bye, then. I'll check in soon?" "Mm. Bye." There were several footsteps punctuated with the click of a crutch, and then the door opened, and closed again.
[The mouth-full speech did require a degree of method acting, which was quite funny. Relatedly, David Crystal's book Sounds Appealing has a whole chapter on the subject]
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[Bow]
I finish gluing one more sequin to the poster. Glimmer may roll her eyes ("It's a royal presentation, Bow! Stop making it glittery!"), but how else am I meant to keep Scorpia focused on it? In any case, Glimmer does roll her eyes, and then teleports us down to the dining hall. We go over to our usual table-end, where Catra's already sitting: I hadn't realised she was back at work already. Both the Grayskulls've had the flu in the last week or so. Catra waves."Hey, guys, guess who's alive?", she says hoarsely. "Why the fuck are you here?", asks Glimmer, crossing her arms. Catra puts on an aggrieved expression."Because, Sparkles, I'm not contagious any more, and I feel fine."She clears her throat, except that it's obviously a badly-disguised cough. I frown."Does Adora know you're here?" "Tch."Catra looks away. That's a no, then. Preparing to reason with her, and remembering once again that Catra is possibly the least reasonable person I've met, I sit down next to her, but Glimmer stays standing and pulls out her mobile."I'm calling Adora-" "Don't, seriously, she'll be mad I'm not resting-" "Then maybe you need to be resting!"Glimmer's voice is getting louder, starting to echo around the empty room. "I do not! I am perfectly capable of looki-"Catra cuts off into a horrible coughing fit. Once again, Glimmer rolls her eyes, and then starts typing, narrating everything."Hey... bestie... Catra's... sick... again... come... pick... her... up. X,X,X. P,S, she's... being... a, bitch... about... it." "Babe?"I tap Glimmer's arm."Give her details or she'll start catastrophising, yeah?" "Fuck you two.", mutters Catra, who's just-about managed to catch her breath again.
["both the Grayskulls" - Catra and Adora aren't married yet. Catra didn't take Adora's last name when she got her official Bright Moon paperwork. However - everyone calls them the Grayskulls, just for convenience, and because everyone knows they've been as good as married since basically their first kiss]
[Catra]
Haha. Ha, ha, ha. I manage to suppress a smirk, but there's no denying it's funny when doctors do the confused little eyebrow-wiggle thing. This time, it's because I apparently should have noticed I have pneumonia two days ago. Adora frowns when she sees me smirking, because for some odd reason, she thinks the eyebrow-wiggle is concerning. As soon as the doctor leaves, I burst out into giggles."Did you see her face?" "Yes.", says Adora irritatedly. "Y'know, you have to start taking it seriously. You can't just, I don't know, go out on your own, without me knowing, when you literally have fluid! In your lungs! Your lungs are meant to have air in!" "Who cares? Anyway, I feel fine.", I reply, curling up a bit underneath the blanket because maybe if she thinks I'm sleepy she'll stop lecturing me. Evidently not."Mindfulness. We should go to Plumeria and get Perfuma to teach you some introception."She's silent for a second, and then doubtfully adds, "And the air will be good for you." "The air in Bright Moon is good for me. It was the Fright Zone."I don't want to push too far on that front, because it'll just get Adora in a guilt spiral, thinking she should have defected with me as a child just for the sake of my future lung health - which is stupid, but Adora's stupid, so. Predictably, she says, "Sorry.", and looks away guiltily. "We're not getting into that whole thing now, okay?"I reach out and pat Adora's knee."Let's just focus on getting home by this evening." She closes her eyes and leans her head on one hand."I almost panicked when Glim texted, but Lance did the grounding thing with me. So, Hark'll be happy with that." "Hey, well done." "I love you." I pull the blanket up over my mouth."Have you caught it off me? You're acting all sappy and tired." Adora snaps back to attention."No, it's just - sorry, I just - uh, Swifty got tired on the way there so I kinda maybe sorta ran the last couple hundred yards to Bright Moon?" "You idiot." "You too."She holds my hand and rubs her thumb over the back, and I very nearly purr but it catches uncomfortably in my throat.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
Sometimes I bring Catra to the library with me. Maybe it's because Catra has some research to do; maybe it's because she wouldn't eat breakfast and I want to keep one-and-a-half eyes on her, and maybe it's because she wants to - because maybe, possibly, perhaps she's totally George and Lance's favourite. Which is not fair. I'm the only person on Etheria (except Razz? I'm not sure) fluent in First Ones - and you'd think that that'd be important to a couple of historians - but no, apparently, they have the exact same single-track mind as their son, and as soon as they see anything remotely cute - like, say, my girlfriend - everything else goes out the window. Which is ridiculous. And, you know, what's even more ridiculous is that Catra lets them. She gets so angry when anyone else tries to dote on her, but George and Lance? They're fine, apparently. I'm convinced it's because she knows it annoys me. But I don't mind. I don't mind at all. I've had eighteen years to be the favourite kid. I can take a back seat. Sure. It's fine. There are star maps to chart out, anyway. Dotted square, line down, left a bit, down, dotted square - "Hey, Adora. Afternoon tea's ready.", says Catra, leaning on the doorframe, grinning smugly. I put my pen down."And am I invited?" "Yeah, 'course.", Catra mutters. We go to the kitchen and sit at the table: Lance is slicing up a citrus tart, and George is sitting next to Catra - and he pets her ear, and not only does she let him, she purrs. This is ridiculous. George and Lance only hug me, like, once a week. And they don't bake with me, like, ever! Granted, it's because I'm a kitchen disaster, but still! The injustice! And, y'know, Catra's ear is kind of my thing. It's, like, a thing. Catra only lets me touch her ears. And - apparently - Bow's dads now. For no reason at all. This exclusive club has just tripled in size, and it's ridiculous. Catra gets served first, of course, and I guess that's only fair because she helped make it, so I smile at Lance when he hands me a plate."Thank you." "No problemo.", replies Lance, sliding a little jug of cream across the table and cheering when it stops square in the middle. Once we're all sitting down with tea, George frowns at me."You seem a little out of sorts today." "Oh, no, I'm fine! It's fine."I grin nervously. "What's bothering you?", asks Lance, gently. "It's just..."I take a deep breath and decide to be honest and mature."I may have a teensy tiny little problem with jealousy and I'm totally working on it with Hark but I kinda feel like Catra's your favourite now and also playing with her ears is my thing and oh no that sounded controlling I'm so sorry can I stop talking now." Lance sniffs."I'm so sorry we made you feel that way, Adora. We just don't see Catra all that often, and she really is in need of a bit of fatherly love. But if it's making you feel excluded, of course we can work together to fix that." "Thank you."I nod slightly awkwardly at Lance, and eat some more of my tart. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Catra smirking.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
I look back at the footprints behind us. They're slightly hard to make out, because it's starting to get dark. Catra glances at me."We being stalked or something?" "No, it's just, um. Romantic." "Hm."She smirks. I notice a slight pattern."Your right foot's dragging. You should be using both crutches." "Can we leave that alone? For, like, one minute? The sun's setting over an ocean of clouds, and we're alone on the beach, and you're worried about my gait." "I've heard all about what happens when people are alone on the beach at night.", I say, feigning expertise. "Pf. Heard. You mean, read. I know, cause I've read all your books, and I skipped those scenes."She giggles. "Coward." "Hardly. I just don't have the balls to read smut a full ten pages at a time. Honestly, your dedication to the genre is admirable." Something shiny catches my eye in the sand, but it just turns out to be a wet pebble, so I go and throw it into the clouds. When I turn back around, Catra's gazing at me with soft amusement. "You're so cute.", she murmurs. I brush off the sand that's clinging to my hands."No, you're so cute." She wanders over to me, and holds my hand, and whispers, "You're such an idiot." It takes me a moment to realise that she's at some point switched to holding the crutch wrong, and then she's kneeling down, and holding a little box, and then my heart's fluttered right out of my chest. "Adora, you are everything to me. I've loved you my whole life, and will you marry me?" I nod, trying and failing to stop myself crying, and sit on the sand next to her."Mm-hm. Yes. Yeah.", I choke. She holds the box in front of me again - I'd forgotten about it. I don't wear rings, because they get in the way, and Catra's thought of it - the box holds a gold necklace. The pendant on it is a tiny replica of the Failsafe. Heart. There's the tiniest little bright blue stone set into the middle, where the base angles, and it too is cut in the shape of a heart. She points at the stone with one shaky claw."I kind-of nicked a little broken bit from the Crystal Castle, way back. Hope you don't mind." "It's... perfect."I wipe at my eyes again and sniff, trying to regain my composure. Catra picks up the necklace and puts it on me, and I realise now why she wanted me to wear this dress today, because the tiny Failsafe is beautifully framed by it. It takes her a minute or so of fiddling to get the clasp to cooperate, and then she sits back down and kisses me.
[I would just like to point out that, while the Failsafe does in fact read as 'heart' (American pronunciation), in all depictions it's rotated about 50⁰ anticlockwise from how the word should be read (i.e. with the letters horizontal)]
[Catra does tend to pick outfits for Adora, but only because Adora's massively indecisive]
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Bright Moon looked incredible. It was hung with lights and garlands, and there was at least one tree branch in every room, with baubles and trinkets hanging from them, and practically every side table had had its decorative vases and sculptures replaced with bowls of dried fruit or sprigs of winter flowers. There were borrowed traditions, too – a bunch of Plumeria’s mistletoe (“Don’t pronounce the t, idiot.”, Glimmer’d said, to which Adora had replied, “Mist-le-oye?”) above one doorway, and a fur rug from Snows, and on one wall, a tapestry of Salineas. High in the ceilings Glimmer had suspended more little orbs of magic than usual, giving the whole place a warm pink glow. “Hey there! Nice wheels.”, said Bow. Catra grinned.“Adora got spoke covers for me.”They were a muted shade of red, matching her jumper, which was also patterned with white snowflakes. Adora had gone rather bolder on the jumper front – hers had a big snowman on it, replete with glittering glass beads to make little flecks of ice.“The decorations are looking great.” “My dads helped. So did the whole Bright Moon guard – it was a great afternoon. Anyway, c’mon! Glimmer’s commandeered the kitchen for us!” “Is that a good idea?”, asked Catra sceptically. “Uhhhhhhh.”Bow seemed to be quite lost for words.“I mean… I would… ahh… well, I can put out fires, that’s the important thing. Stop, drop and roll.” “Vote of confidence for Sparkles’ skills, then.” “Yeah, uh, let’s go.”, said Adora. “There needs to be a kitchen left to work in.” Bow’s Miðanhrim jumper was cropped – even in December – and mainly dark green, depicting a row of lightly snowy trees. It was patched, on one shoulder, in a slightly different shade of wool. As it turned out, Glimmer’s more than made up for the length: it went nearly down to her knees, and was all Bright Moon blue, apart from a pink crescent moon in the back. There was nothing overtly wintry about it, other than the fact that Glimmer didn’t tend to wear jumpers usually.“Guys! Okay, then. I’ve got the recipe here. We’re making gingerbread!”She hefted a large cookbook onto the worksurface.“I did a trial run last week, and it only turned out a bit burnt, which is great ‘cause it means these ones’ll be fine.” Bow grabbed a big tray of the sort that tea gets served to dignitaries on, and headed into the pantry.“Syrup, flour, bicarb, ginger, sugar?”, he yelled. “And cinnamon. And caster sugar. And sprinkles, obviously.”, replied Glimmer, squinting at the book. Catra pulled up to the lowered bit of countertop that’d been installed in September. It’d happened all over the palace – the doors had got lighter, tactile signs had appeared on the walls, and one of the sitting rooms was always kept darker than the rest.“Isn’t it that gingerbread is a biscuit?”, she asked. “Or something like that.” “Yeah. Bit like banana bread, which is a cake.” Adora laughed.“Or sourdough, which is just cardboard.” “Oi!”, yelled Bow from the pantry. “I heard that! Take it back!” Glimmer was excitedly searching through a tall cupboard.“I’ve got aprons for us to wear! They do custom printing up in Ceaster. Um, eadig Miðanhrim, I guess, if this counts as a present.” It most definitely did. Adora’s had a picture of a sword – her new one – on it. Catra’s was an adorable sketch, in Glimmer’s style, of Melog lazing on a windowsill. Bow’s was an anatomical diagram of a war bow, and Glimmer’s said ‘let them eat cake’ across the chest – a reference to one of Elberon’s more interesting plays. Bow reappeared, laden with supplies.“You got the fridge stuff out?”, he asked. Glimmer draped his apron over his head.“I was thinking maybe you could do that.”She took the tray from him, and tipped the various bags and boxes onto the countertop. Bow groaned and headed toward the door, muttering, “So the teleporting one can’t be bothered to- aww, Glim, this is so cute!”He held up his apron, and then tied it on. “Eggs?”, asked Glimmer pointedly. “I’ll get ‘em.”, volunteered Adora, and she hurried outside. Glimmer rapid-fire teleported around the kitchen, grabbing a large mixing bowl, a wooden spoon, and all the dry ingredients, which she dumped in front of Catra. Bow, meanwhile, was gently warming the butter and syrup.“Ooh, that smells nice.”, Glimmer said, hovering for a moment over the saucepan, and then she disappeared entirely and returned a second later with Adora, who was holding four boxes of eggs. “I- I wasn’t sure which ones were right, so-“ “This one’s good.”Glimmer opened the top box and picked out a random egg.“Do you know how to beat eggs?” Adora awkwardly put all forty-seven other eggs on the countertop.“Uh, yeah, sure.” “What she means is, no. Which is ridiculous. Honestly, I blame the bakery – if they keep giving her free stuff she’ll never be self-sufficient.”Catra pulled the cookbook onto her lap.“Do you have a set of scales?” “And you’re talking about being self-sufficient? Just eyeball it! That’s what my mum did. Anyway, Adora… uh, do you know how to crack an egg?...” Bow passed a little kitchen scale to Catra. “… try not to get the shell in. Okay, have a go.” Adora lightly tapped the egg on the edge of the bowl. “No, you’ve got to kind of whack it. Eggs are surprisingly hard.”, said Glimmer, grabbing another one from the pile and throwing it up and down. At this instruction, Adora whacked the egg onto the edge of the bowl, and it got everywhere.“Oh, no. Sorry. Agh, sorry.” “ ’S all good. That’s what the aprons are for.”Glimmer handed another egg to Adora, who giggled nervously. “The butter’s melted.”, announced Bow. “Uh… you’re gonna have to wait a minute for the rest of us.”Glimmer was helping Adora pick little bits of shell out of the egg. Bow moved the saucepan to an unlit burner and wandered over to Catra.“You good?” “Yeah… I could possibly do with a spoon. An actual teaspoon. And, y’know, a spoon spoon, but, uh, hah.” Bow grabbed a set of measuring spoons and chucked them over to her. “Ta.” “Put some muscle into it!”, Glimmer was yelling. “You’re She-Ra! You can beat an egg!” “How much more beaten can it get?” “So much more beaten! Beaten-er than Horde Prime, that’s how much! Catra, you mixed the dry ingredients yet?” “Uhh… I’ve just finished measuring them. Anyway, it says combine, not mix. They’re all in the same bowl. Good enough.” Glimmer marched over and grabbed the book.“ ‘Mix well to combine’.” “That’s later. See, it’s talking about the dough.” “I give up on that egg. Glimmer, if it’s not good enough, you beat it.”Adora walked over, and sat on the worksurface in near Catra, and grabbed the wooden spoon.“I can mix it.” “For the record, I could do it myself.”, said Catra, but she let Adora do it anyway. “For the record, you dislocated your shoulder mixing soup two days ago.” “There is no record.”, interrupted Glimmer, just as Micah walked in. He beamed.“Hey, kids! What are we making?” Bow waved enthusiastically at him, but Glimmer made a face.“There is no we, dad. Just you, being embarrassing, and us, making gingerbread.”She crossed her arms. (“Bow, can you pass the syrup butter thing?”, asked Adora.) Micah leaned against the doorway.“This is a time of festive cheer, Glimmer! Let your ol’ dad join in the fun.” “This is our fun. You can have your own fun. I’ll take you up to Mystacor – you can hang out with Aunt Casta for some nice quiet reflection in the chapel.”She smirked at him. (“Could you just grab the- yeah, thanks.”, Adora said.) “Alright, alright.”Micah put his hands up in surrender, and walked out.“I was only trying to take an interest.” By the time Glimmer turned back to the others, Bow was telling them, “The whole point is, you get your hands messy. You don’t knead dough with a spoon.”He demonstrated, sticking his hand in the bowl.“You two have a go.” Adora looked at Catra, nervous, and Catra laughed.“You go first.” “I don’t want to.” “Yeah, but if I get my hands sticky, then I get my push rims sticky, and that’s really annoying.” “Yeahhh. But…” Bow sighed dramatically.“Fine. I’ll do it.” Glimmer took the cookbook from Catra.“What’s next… oh, chill for twenty minutes. Nice.”She took off her apron, which still had bits of egg stuck to it, and leaned against the countertop.“I was in Alwyn the other day. I was kind of tempted to buy myself a lyre, but then I’d have to learn to play it, and I don’t have time for that. But they’re got some really nice musicians up there – playing carols and stuff. The market was super busy b-“ “Chill, Glimmer, not chill.”, said Bow, holding out the bowl of dough.“Can you pop this in the freezer?” She rolled her eyes, but teleported it there anyway. Adora stared at the floor.“So… what do we do now?” “Toppings!”, grinned Bow. He pulled a sieve and a stack of bowls out of a cupboard, and laid the bowls all out. Still in the jumbled pile of ingredients he’d fetched earlier were caster sugar, cinnamon, and a great assortment of sprinkles – stars, hundreds and thousands, glitter, et cetera. He passed one bowl, the sieve, and the caster sugar to Catra, and tipped a good amount of each kind of sprinkles into bowls, and after a minute Adora started to copy him. “Sorry, what exactly am I meant to do with this?”Catra brandished the sieve at Bow. “You, uh…”Bow mimed sieving the sugar, to not much effect, just as Glimmer reappeared. She yawned, and ran a hand through her hair.“So my dad did in fact want to go to Mystacor. Casta says hi, by the way, or at least she waved. Twelve Days’ Silence, y’know. Ooh, we’re doing the sprinkles!” “What I’m getting is that you shake the sieve. And what’s that supposed to achieve?”, asked Catra. “Well, first off, you put the sugar into the sieve. And then shake it into the bowl. It makes it finer.” Catra opened the paper bag – not altogether gently – sending a cloud of sugar into the air, and started coughing.“Holy f… yeah, I think this is fine enough already. Augh.”Adora mouthed something at her, but Catra shook her head.“I’m good. Is it on my face?”She rubbed at her cheeks, which were dusted with white powder. “Yeah. You look like a snowman.”, laughed Glimmer. “Oh, thanks a lot, Sprinkles.”
[tldr they bake the gingerbread and decorate it. This turned out way longer than I meant it to and I find long fluff scenes very boring to write. I just wanted to get far enough in for Catra to call Glimmer Sprinkles bc I thought that would be funny]
[Yes, tapestry *of* salineas, not from. You could interpret this as Mermista just being cocky, or as post-war nationalism. Your choice]
[I am absolutely standing behind my choice to name a city just ‘Ceaster’]
[just to clarify, the ‘fridge’ is a root cellar / ice room, not, like, a contemporary fridge. Those do exist but Bright Moon has this one already and it works]
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
10:40 AM Funny old world when I'm at home and Catra's not. If she leaves the house at all on a given day, chances are she'll be back home with me because we were out together, or before me because I stay later at work than she does. Today's not particularly special - just an odd intersection of Bright Moon hosting a fairly important meeting with Scorpia and Perfuma, and George having a cold. (I'd usually not mind - I can put up with a cold - but, Catra can't.) So, I'm just doing odd jobs around the house: currently, cleaning Catra's casters and adding air to the tyres. Something goes crash in the study, and I drop my screwdriver and hurry over, but it's not Catra. Of course it's not Catra - she's not home. Melog's knocked over my basket of stim toys, and is now enthusiastically batting a tangle back and forth and then pouncing. "Heya there."I pet its head, and it gives me a rather aggressive affectionate bite. It really should be keeping half an eye on Catra, I think, and then I remind myself that it always is, and that it can teleport itself. Maybe that's why it keeps disappearing off to the other side of Etheria for days at a time.
[AKA: maybe that's why the author keeps forgetting to write Melog in (sorry)
I could absolutely go through and shoe-horn it into scenes, but I don't want to, so let's pretend it's just exploring and having fun with the magic creatures]
2:12 PM Glimmer popped into Catra's office."Sorry, there's no digital version for FCF-2. Weirdly, there is large-print, but I don't think that's gonna help." "If it's not digital, I'm not doing it.", said Catra, not looking up from whatever maths she was doing. "But - but you're the only one here that can do Horde paperwork - are we gonna have to outsource a couple of birth certificates to the fricking Scorpion Kingdom?", exclaimed Glimmer. Catra crossed her arms."Fine. I'll do the stupid forms." "Great."Glimmer disappeared, and then reappeared with a small stack of paper. Catra stared at it."That's just three of them, isn't it? Fuck, I forgot how long those were. You're gonna have to give me, like, two hours. Four hours, actually." "Um."Glimmer put on a face she didn't use much any more - sheepishness."Would it be okay if you taught me how to do them? And then there's two people that know." Catra smirked."Y'know, Sparkles, you've got more brain than I give you credit for." "That means yes?" "Keep up. Okay, so, where's the... the spreadsheet's digital, at least. First thing, ID number. Copy that into the box that says 'ID'. Y'know, I didn't know my own ID number until I was nineteen. It's a pretty secretive system. Okay, next box, 'name', bet you can't guess what goes there. A-L-A-N-B-R - ow, ow, ow." "You good?" Catra shook her right hand a bit, and picked up the pen in her left."See, this is why we make contingency plans. O-M-L-E-Y. Date of birth in 'DOB', year month day - 57-8-19. Wow, this guy's old." "He wouldn't even be fifty." "Eh, that counts as old. I wouldn't want to live to fifty. Anyw-" "Hey! Whoa! You can't say that!", yelled Glimmer. "What the fuck do you mean you don't want to live to fifty?" Catra smiled uneasily."I was joking. Too dark?" "Um."Glimmer glared at her."I mean, just maybe possibly yes." Catra rolled her eyes and kept filling in the form."Next bit, 'general appearance'. We can just make stuff up, I guess, since it doesn't matter any more - let's make him three foot two. Muscles? Ten out of ten. Visible re... that's a slur. Wow."She traced down the list with her pen."The Horde was blunt, huh? That's another slur, that's super personal, so is that, th- ooh, let's make his hair five feet long."Catra giggled, and wrote '5' under 'estimated current hair length', and then threw her pen at the wall. Glimmer moved back a step."You okay?" "Mhm. Yep. Fine. Mm. My hand bones've gone on strike. Look at that."Catra held up her hand - the first joint of the index finger was quite clearly not supposed to be that shape. "Oh. Eugh. I can get Juliet, if-" "Nah, it's fine. I'll pop it back in a sec. Look, can you write? I'll dictate." "Sure, sure."
[Catra]
9:21 PM I hate the sound of the kettle boiling. Not for any particular reason, other than that it's loud and insistent and just when you think it's going to shut the fuck up it gets louder. But Adora likes tea, so I hop up and sit on the worksurface while the kettle boils. I really shouldn't, because at some point I'll fall or hit my head on the cupboard doors, but I do anyway, because it's fun and it's sometimes the only way I can reach stuff. Adora leans against the countertop next to me. I think she's trying to look cool."So, how many is that, total?" "Uh, somewhere in the region of seven hundred now. Mostly into the villages - a lot in Alwyn." "Anyone we know?" "No."I've heard through Scorpia that Lonnie and Rogelio have joined her government/staff/police force/whatever it is, and that they're living happily with Kyle and Hordak's little demon. Yay for them. I haven't recognised a single name I've signed off on, and I don't think it's just because Shadow Weaver's little group was weird and isolated - I think it's because I didn't care, and I still don't, really. "Hm."Adora stands in front of me now, and I put my knees either side of her hips, and she gently kisses me."Were you writing a lot today? I know the Horde forms're stupid and long. How are your hands?" I lean on her shoulder, and murmur, "No, true, good, and why are you asking?" "Just wondering." "Sure you were."I lift the hem of her pyjama shirt slightly, and play with the waistband of her shorts. "I - I really was just wondering. Not trying to... I mean... if..." The kettle stops making that god-awful noise, and I smile into Adora's shoulder."If you want it, this is me offering." "Maybe.", she whispers. "Make a decision, Princess. Does this feel good or bad?" "Uh... good?"One of her hands moves to the middle of my back. "I said, make a decision. Say it like you mean it." There's a short pause."Yes. Good. That's my decision." Adora does eventually have her bed-time tea. At eleven o'clock. She has it slightly guiltily, because while she does, I'm putting on my wrist braces and ring splints to sleep in.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
The sound of each spring clicking in the door-handle reverberates through my head. So do, in a different way, Adora's soft footfalls on the carpet, and then the sickeningly intense noise of clothing against blanket as she sits on the bed. Her quiet voice is nice, at least."It's eight o'clock now. Do you want to have a bath before bed? I mean, bed for me. You, uh." "Mm." "Hm?"She runs her fingers over the back of my hand. "Yeah."I turn my hand over and hold hers. She lightly squeezes it."I can put a bit of catnip, if you'd like."Recently, and entirely unprompted (by Adora at least), Madame Razz has found a way to make Epsom salts with catnip. So far, it's been a lot more reliable than the leaves, which always tended to be a little over- or under-effective. "Yeah." "Okay, then." It's back to noise and sound and hurt, then, as Adora leaves, and to pre-empt the sound of the bath running, I put in my noise-cancelling earphones. The pressure in my ears makes the headache worse after a while, but for now, it's nice. I know for a fact that I don't sleep during the next ten minutes or so, but it seems to disappear out from under me, so maybe I dissociated. Either way, the bed shifts to one side and that means Adora's back, so I take out one earphone. "Are you comfortable with me helping you undress?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Okay."Usually, she'd talk to distract me, but she doesn't today. I focus on the click-click-click of the snap buttons on my t-shirt, stabbing through my head, making my eyes hurt too even though I haven't opened them since six in the morning."Do you want to keep just the one earphone?" "Yeah." It sounds like she puts the other one in her pocket - and, I realise; pockets; she actually got dressed properly this morning. I hadn't noticed. Maybe she thought I'd have a better day. Maybe she just wanted to feel like a real person, the way I don't when I'm in pyjamas all day. All week. Adora picks me up, and I put my arms around her neck. Maybe she startles a little because she was expecting me to be floppy - maybe that little movement was just her adjusting. I turn my face closer into her shoulder, because she smells like safety and she's wearing a fluffy jumper. There's an intermediate stretch of movement, and then the accoustics of the room I'm in change - the sound of both our breathing gets sharper and echoey, and it hurts to hear - and then I'm being ever-so-carefully put in the bath. The catnip kicks in: there's a vague sense that I'm purring involuntarily, and then everything that's happening - Adora slowly washing my hair? Adora whispering that I'm pretty and brave? Adora telling me, it's okay, you're allowed to cry? - is indistinct and floaty, along with the headache. It never lasts long enough, though.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"You cold?" Catra looked up at Adora, and shook her head."No. 'M good. Just, uh, hands doing the shaky thing again." They returned to a silence that wasn't completely awkward but was definitely teetering on it. The restaurant was busy, and after forty-five minutes of waiting, the food still hadn't been made, and topics of conversation had run dry. It wouldn't have done, at home, where they could talk about anything, but being in public necessitated a degree of decorum. Catra and Adora were out for dinner, because apparently that was a Thing that Couples Did - much like kissing or giving each other gifts - and apparently this restaurant was a nice place to do such a Thing. Catra wasn't entirely sure she was a fan of this particular Thing, and it didn't look like Adora was either. Catra re-adjusted how she was sitting, and rolled her shoulders, and flexed her hands - partially to combat the ache that would set in after ten minutes sitting still, and partially to snap Adora out of whatever she was spaced-out thinking about. It worked: Adora blinked several times and stifled a yawn."Sorry. Just tired. Hope the food's ready soon." Adora, who'd never been able to stay awake for the life of her, had recently started a habit of holding midnight study sessions with medical journals, only because she didn't have time in the day with all the library and Bright Moon and looking after Catra and random stuff she was doing."We can head home now, if you want.", offered Catra. "No. I'm all good. Maybe I should call off sick tomorrow, though, so I can sleep, 'cau- hi? Are you alright?" Catra turned to see a young woman hovering nervously nearby, staring at Adora."Hello.", she quavered. "Are you the She-Ra?" Adora forced a smile."Yeah, that's me."She looked down at her empty place setting, and Catra glared, unnoticed, at the young woman. "I- I- I just wanted to say that I think you're really cool and you're a great role m- role model and thank you for everything you've done for Etheria." "Mm."Adora nodded uncomfortably. "And, uh, I- I was just wondering, since I need work experience, wh- who are you volunteering with? The hospital, or a home, or..." Adora frowned, and asked vaguely, "What?" The girl inclined her head at Catra. Catra took over the conversation."I'm her girlfriend, genius. And that-" she pointed at Adora - "is Adora. At least get her name right if you're going to hero-worship her. Now, kindly fuck off. We're having dinner." The girl squeaked and hurried away. "Yeah, maybe we should go home.", conceded Adora.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Adora]
Catra always has to lie down for twenty minutes after showering, and that's great because I have to infodump right now. I go and sit on my side of the bed, bouncing slightly and smiling down at her. She opens one eye - the yellow one."Make it a yes-or-no question." "Do you want to know what I was reading about?" She opens the other eye, and rolls them both."Fine." "Yayy."I cross my legs, and hold her hand, looking closer at her claws."I was - I mean, I didn't originally mean to today. But we were just talking, George and Lance and me and also Micah but he's not really relevant, and anyway turns out there's a shelf about hybrid species and cultures and so George and Lance gave me a day off for reading. Well, not really a day off because reading books is part of my job, anyway, but. Um. Because, I thought, maybe I could find out about where you came from, before the Horde." "Hm."She's not listening. I don't particularly mind. "But, the weird thing is, I can't find a name for what you are." That catches her attention. She giggles."Uniquely fucked, am I?" I look down at my knees."You're not... you're perfect. You're wonderful. There's nothing wrong with being an unknown. Actually, it's interesting."Being an unknown means you're alone, though. Everyone who fits in a box has a community and a culture, at least. "Thanks, but you're the one with the praise kink here.", she replies. "Princess." I ignore the comment."Well, there's your Etherian bit, that's easy. Like Glimmer and Bow and everyone else. And then you're obviously partway felidae. Specifically, felinae, because you can purr, not roar. Although that would've been cool." She smirks. "But then, when you put together everything. Opaque claws, your little sharp teethsies, stripes, heterochromia, hooked papillae but pretty much no fur, big ears but a fully Etherian face - it doesn't make sense. There's not a species like that."I run my thumb over the end of one sharp claw."And EDS manifests way differently in felids. More skin involvement. But you have it the way an Etherian would." "Like I said - uniquely fucked." "But here's where it gets interesting. Magicats. There are ancient documents - all First Ones writing down old Etherian folk tales - of a species that's pretty much just like you. Not specifically the EDS bit, just the general appearance. But no-one seems to believe they're actually real, and the ones that do say they'd been extinct for millenia before the First Ones showed up." Catra smiles distantly."So I'm a magicats. That's nice." "Magicat, singular. The collective noun is actually a puddle - it's really cute! Like you and Melog when you cuddle up and - and anyway. I mean. But, it's impossible, right? Unless they're hidden? Etheria's really well mapped, though. You can even sneak into Mystacor if you try hard enough."I set the thoughts in motion through the cogs in my brain and wait to see what pops out the other side. Catra gets there first."Yeah. It's impossible. I'm probably just some kind of cross-species mix-up. Genetics are funny." "Yeah, probably.", I mutter. "Look at us. The last First One and the first weird cat thing."She grins.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Casta'd travelled down from Mystacor just for this. She was so excited - arms full of swatches and catalogues and sketches of her own designs and about ten kilograms of flower arrangement magazines - going on and on about how the She-Ra's wedding was going to be the event of the millenium. This is the same thing she tended to say for every major event. Somehow it never bored her. Adora felt bad saying, "Actually... I was hoping it could be kind of low-key."She hefted a thick tome called Event Furniture Essentials from her lap back onto the table."I - I don't really like big parties. I always end up leaving early."This was not, technically, a lie. Just two disconnected facts. Adora always felt awkward when socialising, but if she wasn't responsible for Catra, she'd probably grit her teeth and put up with it. In fact, Adora would rather have preferred to be at home with Catra (currently in a flare-up caused by the warm weather) right now, except that Casta was going to all the effort, so. "Oh. Okay."Casta seemed to have lost her spark. "Sorry." Glimmer, who claimed to be helping, but was in fact just hanging out and occasionally insulting the other two at the table, raised an eyebrow at Adora, but didn't speak. "Well, okay, then. Small... small..."Casta flipped through a couple of catalogues."Have you heard of... fairy picnics?" Glimmer choked on her tea."A fairy picnic? Are we five years old? Anyway - Flutterina. No fairies." Adora liked picnics, but she nodded her agreement with Glimmer's point. Another dusty book thumped onto the War - no, sorry, Conference - Room table."How about... aha! Perfect. Glimmer, give us some sparkles in the air." Confused, Glimmer waved a hand, producing some little pink baubles. "Yes, excellent. That's the colour scheme sorted, then.", announced Casta. Adora wanted to melt into the ground."Yeah, floaty magic is a no." "Why?" I'm going to kill your family, I swear is something that Catra'd said a lot and Adora'd never repeated, but she felt that the sentiment applied here."Uh, allergies." Glimmer gave Adora another look over the rim of her teacup. Casta slammed a book."What am I missing?" "Uhh... nothing. Just keep throwing stuff at the wall. That's kind of what this room is for. Not literally, though, obviously... uh, haha."Adora regretted not learning to lie from Catra. But Casta, mercifully, seemed to absorbed to notice."Alrighty, then. Pirate theme?" "Where are you getting these ideas from? A toyshop?", asked Glimmer loudly. She then dropped her voice to add, "Don't suggest the pirates in front of Bow. He'd go feral." "I've got it! A beach wedding. Y'know, considering I missed the beach proposal. And your lot's entire holiday. On purpose, it seems." It took all of Adora's willpower not to berate Casta for still being salty about that."No. No travel. It has to be in walking distance of Bright Moon." "Under the Moonst-" "No! I said no magic!" "You said no floaty ma-" "It's the same thing!" Glimmer finished her tea - taking her time, so that there was an awkward pause."Maybe you should take a breather, Adora." "Maybe you should take a hike."Adora crossed her arms, fully engaging all the stubbornness she could muster. "Girls? Are we having an argument?" "Catra can't r-" "Glimmer." "-eally do events anymore. The wedding has to be small and not include any of her triggers, like magic. There. Was that hard?" Before she really knew what was happening, Adora was tall, and had a sword in her hand, and her chair had fallen over."You are unbelievable, Glimmer. Is it unfathomable to you that Catra wants some small amount -" "I was explaining her access needs so -" "- of privacy? No. 'Cause you're the Queen, so obviously -" "- we could start with actually planning the wedding -" "- your business is everyone else's business. But would you -" "- 'cause were you thinking of doing the wedding anytime this century? -" "- believe that not everyone wants that? I mean, feel free to -" "- I for one actually want to see you get married before my hair turns grey -" "- broadcast it to the kingdom next time you have a head cold, but -" "Right! We're not getting anywhere with this. We will continue tomorrow. I am off to the solarium, where I might find some peace. Adora, you may join me, if you please."Leaving her books scattered all over the table, Casta stormed out. Adora hoisted her chair upright, and transformed back from She-Ra, and followed Casta out without so much as a glance in Glimmer's direction. Casta was a fast walker, and Adora had to hurry to keep up. They went upstairs to the first floor, past the little suite that had all of Glimmer's sorcery kit in it, and through a familiar door."Oh, you mean the glass room."Shadow Weaver's glass room. Her daisies were gone, but the roses were still there - albeit, looking much brighter. "Solarium.", corrected Casta gently. "Angella built all this for Micah. I should know what it's called." "Huh."Adora ran her thumb over a fuzzy leaf. It was, unsurprisingly, soft to the touch. "Glimmer can be a little confrontational, can't she? She gets it from him." "Yeah. Look, I'm sorry. I really liked your ideas. And I know you like making big plans." "A small wedding can be just as nice."Casta sounded unconvinced. Adora watched her fussing carefully around the little garden. Tracing tiny runes into the leaves that had spots. Untangling two little stems. Shifting the position of one big plant so that the little ones got more sun."Sorry." A dead leaf snapped into several brittle pieces in Casta's hand."Would you consider two separate events? One real, small wedding, and one larger one? I wouldn't ask, but - I don't enjoy parties entirely because I'm shallow and frivolous. No - they can be rather politically significant. Especially when it comes to She-Ra." Adora re-adjusted her sleeve cuffs and shrugged her shoulders. Not that her shirt was uncomfortable. Or maybe it was."Can we talk about it tomorrow?" "Yes, of course. Thank you, Adora."That seemed to be a dismissal, but as Adora was passing through the doorway, Casta spoke up again."And, you should be thanking Glimmer for setting everything out plainly. I think you might have taken a swing at me if I kept making pig-headed suggestions." "Yeah. I'll do that."Adora didn't think she would, though. On the way home, Catra texted.
make sure your wedding dress is wight, at least
white, Adora replied.
I have standards I work at a library you can't be spelling like that
f off
love you too
heading home now
why
argument with Glimmer
bitch
her i meab not you
yeah I got that
Adora was supposed to be home for lunchtime, but judging by the sun it was hardly eleven. Oh, well.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Catra]
The Scorpion Kingdom is lovely. Really lovely. But by fuck is its ramp access the most convoluted fucking thing you have ever seen. Between that, and Scorpia's tendency to go off on tangents, mostly about Perfuma, the six of us are making slow progress around the Adamite Gardens. And, of course, we get to another set of stairs. "Oh.", says Scorpia like she didn't build this fucking place. "I... the rose garden up here is so beautiful. But I - I don't think there's another way around." "Then we're not going.", announces Glimmer. Scorpia looks so disappointed that I roll my eyes and say "I can walk. Technically."Emphasis on the technically - I haven't used a staircase in about a year. Well, then: no time like the present to get back in practice, and, anyway, I really do like rose gardens. And, I kind-of owe Scorpia for making her life hell for two years, I guess. Adora's hand runs over my shoulder."You sure?" "Yeah."I turn around and smile at her, and she gives me a look that says you know you'll regret it, and I ignore it. Sparkles knocks into Scorpia's shoulder on her way past to the staircase and mutters, "Fix it." I hold onto the handrail and get up, and Adora puts an arm around my waist."Sparkles. Chair.", I say, and Adora simultaneously asks, "Bow, could you...?" "She can teleport my stuff. I won't die.", I remind Adora. She has to consider for a moment."Okay, true. Glimmer, can-" Sparkles grabs my chair and disappears up to the top of the stairs with it. The first couple steps are fine, and then I get dizzy, and after another few steps my hip subluxes so Adora gives up on the whole thing and carries me the rest of the way. "Does she do that a lot?", says Scorpia in a low voice, clearly to Glimmer and Bow. Not sure if she's talking about me or Adora, but either way, the answer's no. That's not fun, though. I pat Adora's arm."She's She-Ra. She can throw tanks. Of course I make her carry me everywhere." "And how does that make you feel, carrying so much responsibility, so to speak?", asks Perfuma. "I don't mind."Adora shrugs, and then sets me back on my feet. I sit down again."Shut - shut up, flower girl." Perfuma sends me a look that she seems to reserve just for me: unfiltered mild irritation, which is about as hatred-filled as she gets."It's important to have conversations about these things, so we can set healthy boundaries." I give her a half-hearted middle finger, but watch Adora shrug again and go to intently inspect a yellow rose bud. Adora's not very good at boundaries. "Hey, uh, Adora."I click my fingers in her direction, and she looks at me. Then I grit my teeth, and cross my arms, and "She-might-be-right-I-think-you're-taking-on-more-responsibility-than-you-should-and-honestly-it's-unhealthy-and-dangerous-not-to-mention-I-don't-need-to-be-constantly-babysat-so-just-step-back-and-think-about-what-would-be-good-for-you-and-not-me-for-a-minute." Everyone stares at me. After a second, Bow squeaks."Aww, Catra, y-" "Shut the fuck up. I will murder you."I brandish my claws at Bow. There's a long silence, and then Glimmer teleports over to a shell-shocked-looking Adora, grabs both her shoulders, shakes her a little, and says, "The point is, you sometimes have to prioritise your wants and needs over everyone else's." Another, shorter, silence, in which I'm acutely aware of Scorpia looking at me like I've just dyed my hair pink and started a charity for orphaned chinchillas, and then I decide to break the tension."How is it actually news to everyone here that I'm soft for Adora? I'm fucking engaged to her! Get over it! Anyway, I thought we were having a garden tour?" Perfuma gives me something that's close to an approving look as we start to wander through the rose garden. I decide I don't care all that much.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Pallas]
"You think you see a wall. It is... looks like a wall. Possibly made of stone, you're not sure." "Oh, seriously, Lance? 1d4 of anything damage could kill me at this point! Please find the door at some point in the next decade?" Lance frowns at Micah, and holds up his character sheet, stabbing one finger at the traits panel."We're in a cave! I'm the only one here without darkvision!" "The ogre army advances. You are shot with an arrow, Lance, because you were shouting and that is giving away your location."George rolls, and shows the dice to Lance. Poor Lance topples over his figurine."Noo! You shall be avenged, Tiny Lance!" "Is this a good time to start learning necromancy?", asks Micah, as George and Lance's assistant walks in. I've seen her around, but never bothered to find out her name. She doesn't look like the sort I'd get along with. She drops a pile of books onto a table, and walks over."Sorry. I know I said I wouldn't be here today, but, uh -" she waves at the books - "just returning those. Are you playing with battle figures? Bow's got, like, five of me." Lance stops sorting through pages of notes."Battle figures? Bow said he hated those!" The assistant looks nonplussed."He makes them when he gets bored."She shrugs. Micah and I roll our eyes as Lance starts sobbing and George dabs at his eyes with the corner of the tablecloth.
[Catra]
Fucking group projects. If there were such a thing as group projects back in the Horde, I might have defected before Adora did. And fucking Sparkles has managed to rope me in on one - there's apparently not a single other person on Etheria qualified to calculate the materials and budgets for whatever the hell's being done to the market square (I wasn't listening at the intro). I highly suspect that the actual reason is that she, Bow, and Adora want me to improve my non-existent social skills. This may, possibly, be linked to the whole swearing-at-a-group-of-children-because-they-were-blocking-the-pavement thing last week. Which, I maintain, I was justified in. But what do you get when you try to multiply zero? - that's right, big fat zero. So I'm not improving my non-existent social skills. I'm sitting at the less busy end of the group project table, wearing noise-cancelling earphones, and have amended my name badge from 'CATRA' to 'CATRA is an antisocial bastard, fuck off'. To be fair, Melog's being pretty social on my behalf. It's taken to lounging around my general radius and being petted by nearly the whole group - except the ones that see my wheelchair, assume Melog's a service animal, and are resolutely ignoring it. I prefer the latter, not because Melog's actually doing anything (it's fucking useless, in an affectionate way) - just because it's my magic space cat and I don't like people touching my things. It's a creature of its own, though, so I can't stop it enjoying being petted - I can just send general annoyance down our emotional bond. At around midday, people start heading off in little gaggles to grab lunch, until I'm alone. Well, I don't want lunch, and anyway I'm not hungry, and anyway I was sick for no reason this morning, so I don't care. The quicker I get this work done, the quicker I can leave. Is that how this works? Melog jumps up on the table, and I take out one earphone, and it sits on top of the conversion graphs that I'm currently referencing."Mau." "Language. Where'd you pick that up?" "Mau." I smirk."True. And, no, I'm fine here." It hovers a paw threateningly over my mobile. Not sure if magic/light forms can interact with the touchscreen, but I'm not chancing it. I turn the device off and sit back a little."What do you want, then, cat?" It sits there and stares at me. "You can just leave if you're bored." It flicks one ear irritatedly. "I mean, I could just up and leave. Say I'm having a migraine or something." "Mau." I sigh."Yeah. I've gone soft, haven't I? It's all these Princesses I'm hanging out with. Y'know - this whole thing could be a lot more efficient if it was a non-group project with a leader. Specifically, me as the leader." "Mau." "I dunno, greater good? Whatever."It's right, though - I really don't have a great track record in terms of maiming my subordinates. Or superiors, actually. Melog drops into a loaf on top of my graphs. "Mm. Between you and me, cat, you've probably got the braincell today-" The door opens."Hey, Catra."Of course it's Adora. Of course I'm inordinately happy to see her. It's an effort to keep up my bored face, but I manage."Welcome to hell, Princess. Hope you like illegible handwriting and the smell of coffee." She comes over and sits up on the table next to Melog, and then raises an eyebrow at my name badge."Hey, Catra-is-an-antisocial-b-word-eff-off. How's it going?" "Did Sparkles tell you to come here?" She goes a bit pink."Maybe." "Did Sparkles, in fact, teleport you over personally?" "... Maybe." "Was this with the aim of forcing me to socialise, or forcing me to go home?", I ask, fiddling with Melog's floppy ear. Adora shrugs, takes off her rucksack, unzips it, and pulls out two plastic boxes and a couple of forks - the fancy ones they use at the library."Lance made bolognese, if you want it." "Hm."I take one of the boxes and a fork."Thank you." Adora smiles down at me."If you could apply a teeny tiny portion of that civility to how you're treating the rest of the group, Glimmer says she would really appreciate that." I smile, equally challengingly, back at her."Tell Sparkles I'd really appreciate it if she'd go fuck herself."
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[Adora]
Catra's missing. No, she's not, I can hear her purring. Stupid damn anxiety. I yawn, and open my eyes properly, and see Catra lying curled up in the sun at the end of the bed. Did I leave the curtains open last night?- must have done. She's taken her shirt off, and I can see the line of thin fur that runs down the centre of her back: it turns shiny gold in the sunlight. She's staring back at me, I realise with a start. "The way you're looking at me, I'd almost think you like me.", she murmurs. I sit up and scoot over and run my hand over one of her ears."You're the most beautiful thing ever on Etheria." "And you, Adora Grayskull, are a sap and a weed."She grabs my hand and kisses it. I lie down next to her, and she cuddles me, and I hug her back, and I'm not quite sure how but she ends up lying on top of me, purring louder. (Is it bad that she feels so small?)"You enjoying the sun?" She plays lazily with my hair."You're the sun." "Oh, Catra, that - that's so sweet!"I sniff and wipe at my eyes. I'm not usually this emotional. (I'm scared.)"I love you so much." Then, she regards me with amusement, tinged with vague distaste and a hint of joy."Tone that down a little for next week? People're gonna think it's a funeral." I pull part of the blanket over my face and hold my breath. (I'm scared.) Catra giggles."Can you believe I'm going to marry the biggest idiot I've ever met?" "Uh - no - not really.", I reply, my voice somewhat muffled. (Because what if) "Oh, right. Well, you'd better believe it."There's a slight pause, and I can feel her claws press slightly into my sides - biscuits."That counts as a threat, by the way."
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[place marker chapter for catra & adora's wedding because it's important that it happens herefunny thing is I've written about 5 and a half scenes of it, I just hate them allsecondary problem: I haven't been to a wedding since I was eight (and it might have actually been someone's 100th birthday party, not a wedding, I can't remember) so I have no idea what is supposed to happen and watching Four Weddings and a Funeral twice hasn't helped spoilers for things that are definitely going to happen in this chapter:- catra wears a dark red suit, and a white shirt, and the shirt's cuffs have, like, ruffles- glimmer helps adora to get dressed, and is not helpful- Catra Hates People™- adora wears the sword of protection as a hair accessory things that are maybe going to happen (idk):- micah walks adora down aisle? or lance or george or casta?- perfuma is the celebrant?- lonnie, kyle and rogelio are there? (probably not) any ideas, please comment, am aiming to have properly written this chapter by April]
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There's a knock at the door. "Come in." "Hey, uh, Catra." Catra glares briefly at Bow, and goes back to writing an e-mail to one of Scorpia's staff. Bow places a plate on Catra's desk: something plain."Haven't seen you in the dining room in a while. When - I mean - I know you aren't here too often anyways, but, uh, when you are. Uh, I brought you something, if...?" "I bring my own food to work."Adora never lets Catra leave without some sort of salty snack. "How come you used to eat in the dining room with Glimmer and I, then, and now you don't?", Bow asks. Good question. Catra has to think for a second."I just don't really want to. Plus, I'm kinda busy." "Um. Okay, then. Cool. See you later?"Bow shuts the door behind him, leaving the plate on Catra's desk. Then, he texts Adora - Catra's skipping lunch. Thought I should let you know. Does she usually have problems with eating? that depends on why you're asking, Adora replies.
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[Catra]
I flip back a couple pages - I don't remember Gwendoline having a new set of armour made. Oh, no, there it is. Huh. And they didn't even test it? That's a sure-fire way for ol' Gwen to pop her clogs. We always used to get someone big to give our armour a good whack before training in it. Back to the story, anyhow. Gwendoline's about to go jousting. And who's she jousting against, you ask? Why, it's Frederick, her bitterest rival. I give it twenty pages before he's unbuttoning her corset (which shouldn't exist yet based on the supposed time-frame, but, I'll begrudgingly let it slide). Sparkles pops back in with Adora. I raise a hand without looking up."Adora, this is drivel. I'd rather read Horde Prime's manifesto." "Boo hoo.", says Glimmer. "Huntara challenged this idiot to a drinking game, and you can bet what this idiot did." Adora giggles."Hey, Catra. I love you. Sorry, I think I might be kinda tips-y. Glimmer won't let go 'f my arm." "Yeah, keep doing that for a hot second, Sparkles, thanks."I drop Adora's irritatingly riveting drivel on the floor and drag myself upright. Then, I wave a hand vaguely at Glimmer, and she gets the message - deposits Adora on the sofa and teleports out again. Adora yawns and hugs a pillow. "You tired?", I ask. "Mm, yeah. I danced a lot." "Hungry?" "Yeah, have we got any apples?" "Eh. Probably."I force myself to get up and go to the kitchen. We've obviously got apples - Adora keeps them around for herself and Swift Wind. I chuck one at Adora, and it's not a bad throw, but she still misses. "Thank you.", she says quietly. Then I make two glasses of electrolyte water, and bring them over to where Adora's now curled up on the sofa. She makes a contented sort of noise."Y'know, I stopped us getting lost earlier. 'Cause I'm a pretty good tracker. Glimmer was stressing 'cause she hasn't been to the Waste in a while and anyway it changes around 'cause everything does anyway and so I found Huntara's, uh, bone place. The place in the skeleton." "Bar.", I supply. "Yeah. Yeah. And - I was She-Ra, for, like, half of it, and, uh..."She suddenly sniffs."Sorry. You don't like alcohol. Sorry." "No, no, no, it's okay.", I murmur. "You're fine. It really doesn't matter."I've learned, over the past couple years, that on the rare occasion goody-two-shoes Adora manages to get drunk, she ends up fuzzy around the edges and a lot bit silly. Still safe - always safe. I pet her hair like she's Melog, and she hums happily. After a minute, I realise she's humming a melody - Rounds, maybe. I know she likes that one. Or Constellations? It's really hard to tell, because Adora can't carry a tune at the best of times. "D'you want to go to bed?", I ask, after another minute, and she shakes her head. I shrug to myself, and pick up her book again.
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[Catra.]
I get home, and take off my shoes, and put the shopping away in the kitchen. Melog chirrups at me."What?" "Mau." "So? Just don't leave them inside. It makes Adora sad."I sit cross-legged on the sofa. One of my crutches falls, but I can't be bothered to pick it up. "Mau." "No, we have people food, remember?" Melog glares at me, and walks through the wall to the garden. I open my book.Ideographic writing is usually distinguished as a later development of pictographic. Ideograms, or ideographs, have an abstract or conventional meaning, no longer displaying- I jump when the study door opens. I'd thought I was alone. Adora, for some reason, is wearing her Horde uniform. It's a stretch to remember the last time she did - possibly the week after Team Darla got back? She grins at me. I wait for her to speak - to explain herself - but, when she doesn't, I say, "Home early?" Something like panic flashes across her eyes, gone in milliseconds, and then she drops her expression to a gentle smile and wanders over to sit next to me."I just couldn't wait to see you, sweetie." One - didn't those trousers have a mend in the knee from when Adora walked into a cliff face?Two - Adora's hardly ever back from the library before four o'clock - especially without telling me.Three - Adora never calls me anything except my name.
[Bow.]
[When I say 'mobile', I don't mean a contemporary phone, I mean an updated version of Bow's tracker pad prototype, designed as a 'mobile communication device'.]
Beep beep. Beep beep. Bow puts his pencil back in its pot, and then realises he's put it in his coffee. Ah, well. Graphite isn't poisonous. He searches through several stacks of paper until he finds where his mobile is buried. Beep beep. Beep beep. It's Catra. He picks up the call. "Hey, Catra! Bit busy here. Party in a couple days, and all." "I don't need anything from you. Just stay on the call. Just in case. Adora's acting... weird." "Maybe I'm sick.", says Adora, off-camera. She sounds fine to Bow."Yeah, sure.", he says, and then he gets back to carbon-copying risk assessments. Catra sets down her mobile somewhere so that it's facing a blank ceiling. A long moment passes."You're really cold. Should I make you a cup of tea?", she asks. "That sounds nice.", replies Adora. "Go and put on something warm. It's November."Catra's voice is getting quieter - further away. "You're warm enough.", says Adora, also quiet. "Mhm, sure."Another moment goes by."No, stop. Why don't you go and lie do- stop it." There's a sudden crash, and Bow, startled, knocks his coffee, pencil and all, off the desk. He makes a face at it, as if he could stop the rug staining with pure willpower. Then, remembering the source of the noise, he asks, "Catra? Adora? You good?" Adora's voice is merry."All fine! Just dropped a tea tray." Then it's all quiet, apart from fast footsteps getting louder, and then Catra's voice: "Bow-" The call ends. Bow dashes out of his office."Darn, flip, heck, blimming sugar plum fairy.", he chants to himself, racing down the corridors. Glimmer's not in her own office, so she must be upstairs - Bow gets so out of breath that he can barely gasp, " 'Dora's house.", to his surprised wife. "What?" Bow puts a hand on her shoulder."No time jus' get us there."And so they teleport. "Holy shit!", says Glimmer, which Bow feels summarises the situation nicely. Catra is half-sitting against the fridge, with Adora - in her Horde outfit? - leaning over her. With one hand Adora is holding Catra's wrists together, and with the other, she's gripping Catra's chin, holding their faces too close together. To Catra's credit - or not; Bow's not quite sure - Adora's got a set of long parallel scratches up her arm, staining the white sleeve. Glimmer jumps instantly into action, directing a spell at Adora that knocks her a metre and a half back. Catra gasps for breath. Before Adora can get to her knees, another spell hits her, and she collapses. Everyone watches as Adora stops being Adora, and becomes... Double Trouble. "Holy shit.", says Glimmer. She teleports away. Bow kneels down next to Catra."Are you hurt?" "I'm fine."She turns away, wiping the tears off her face, and then smiles forcedly at Bow."I'm fine.", she repeats. "How did they even-" Glimmer reappears, and then disappears, leaving a confused-looking Adora - dressed in one of her favourite current outfits - in the middle of the room. Quickly, she surveys the scene. "Catra?"She shoves Double Trouble's limp, outstretched arm further away with one foot, and sits on Catra's other side. She reaches out for Catra's hand, which moves away. Catra doesn't look at her."Can you go and get my chair?" "Uh... sure."Adora gets up, and pauses for a second, about to say something, and then leaves. Catra stares determinedly at a spot on the floor, and silent seconds tick by until Adora returns with the wheelchair. "You want help?" "No." Glimmer returns once again."You've got an interview at the palace tomorrow.", she says, nodding to Catra, who is now seated. Catra smiles coldly at her. Glimmer grabs one of Double Trouble's floppy arms."I should probably leave too.", says Bow, taking hold of Glimmer's empty hand. Glimmer shrugs. The three of them return to Bright Moon. Double Trouble is left in the cell they had once occupied, under the care of Juliet, with the reassurance that, "They won't be any danger for quite a few days." Glimmer cracks her knuckles as she says this. Bow wonders, vaguely, exactly which two spells Glimmer had done on them.
[Me: completely hypothetically, how much suffering can one person endure?
My brain: *boots up catra.exe* let's find out]
[I will... at some point... write some more of the AFCC act?]
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[Micah]
placeholder - need to refine dt's explanation. I uploaded this chapter unfinished because I really liked part B (the dream sequence loop below). will add this first scene later.
[Catra]
Adora. It's Adora in front of me, hazy around the edges, smiling green. Her hair's down, but she grins at me, and pulls it up into a ponytail. Stands still for a second and then tilts her head a degree or two to the side, scrutinising me. "Broken." She's holding my chin, and running a thumb over my lips. I can't move, or speak, or scream. The thumb goes inside my mouth, pressing against the right-side incisor in my lower jaw. "Mine.", she says, and presses down harder, and I can taste her blood. I will drown in her blood. "You never were cut out for this, were you?" There is a sudden crushing pressure on my lungs. "Being alive. Being good. It doesn't suit you, huh?" For the first time in a while, I think, I take a breath in. Desparate. Shallow. "Go on, clever girl. Think yourself out of this one. Be q l u o i u e d t." The last word sounds like ten voices in one. "I love you, kitten?" A hundred voices in one. "You're a bad I f n r fl i u e e n n d ce." A thousand voices in one. "Get out." And, now, one voice in none. Not Adora's. Curling around my wrists and my neck and my skin. "Break yourself." Adora. It's Adora in front of me, scared, sobbing blue. Sword in hand, turning away, and the blue eyes are gone. It leaves her shadow, massive on the near horizon, static, stubborn, everywhere. Pervasive. "Broken." His voice echoes from a platform, and I am trapped in chains, staring down to a floor I've seen before. "Mine." There is a mask on my face, because I bite when threatened. And I am not in chains, and I am not in a mask - I am in myself. My body is my tomb and the Light is my senses. "I was never cut out for that, was I?", my voice asks. My breath is its own to use. "Being alone. Being strong. I couldn’t do it." He laughs and so does my body. "No, you could not, little one. And neither could you lie. Lies are hard to get out of, no?", he says. "Like love. One must escape, or one risks dependence." "I am weak.", my mouth says. He laughs again, and the sound pushes me farther away from myself. "Yes. You are. Hard to escape it.” The memories that I shoved underwater. They never drowned, not in all that blood on the white floor. Mine. “Only one way out.” Adora. It's Adora in front of me, serious, staring grey. I can't reach out to grab her hand, because my arms feel weighted. My body is impossibly heavy, and crackling red. "Broken.", it says, far above me, in the low voice I know so well. Adora steps forward, starts to circle around me. Her eyes say mine when she looks at me."You never were respec-ful, were you, Caf-rine?", she asks. So this is before the elocution lesson. She's right behind me."You never did learn to shuddup, huh?"A little hand reaches round my head and covers my mouth. I can't breathe. The electricity intensifies."You're not stupid. You can break yourself out.", says the voice. My mind is still reeling, though. I can't breathe. "I couldn't stop her taking a shine to you." My claws are pressing into my palm. Cutting. This is before the flagship. This is before the scars. This is before the promise. This is the first time I've had blood run through my hands. Enough to drown me. "You and I both know you don't deserve it." The electricity gets denser, a red haze around me, and I know it's hurting Adora too, and her hand pulls back just a bit, enough for me to take a breath. "Go on, child."The voice is unreadable. Soft."Get out." And it all dissolves. Adora. It's Adora in front of me, worried. Not right in front of me. A couple feet away, sitting against the wardrobe, hugging her knees."Catra? Hey. Hey, it's okay. You were having a nightmare. It... is there anything I can do? I- I can leave, obviously, if you'd like, but..." "Stay." "Okay. I'm here for you. Is there anything you need?" "No." "Okay."And she stays there.
[The dialogue, no matter who’s speaking, follows this pattern: “Broken.”, “Mine.”, something that ‘never was’, something that never was done, reference to escape, reference to love, invalidation, reference to escape, {it.1&2: instruction toward suicide}/{it.3: escape}]
[Any colour symbolism tends to lean in the direction of Adora’s eye colour]
[The spliced words in iteration 1 are quiet/loud and influence/friend]
[The external voice in it.2 is a mix of Hordak and Prime]
[In case it’s unclear, it’s contemporary Adora in it.1, S1 Adora in it.2, and young Adora in it.3.]
[young Adora in iteration 3 is a model of her being 100% SW's puppet, and complicit in catra's abuse. Small details sneak in, though - "elocution lesson" - irl adora wasn't immune from the abuse]
['Shadow Weaver' frees Catra from the loop at the end of iteration 3. She makes Adora let go, and allows Catra to breathe, and tells her to leave. Catra's mind has created an embodiment of SW that cares about her just enough to set her free.]
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[Adora]
I'm trying so hard to stay calm all the time. Don't make loud noises. Don't turn the lights on unexpectedly. Don't do anything I'm not told I can do. Don't, under any circumstances, touch Catra. And I'm this close to cracking under the pressure. But, y'know, at least Double Trouble's on a boat to the Northern Reach. At least the PA is all on a lookout for the AFCC. At least Catra's alive. I could've come home to an empty house that day. But I'm trying not to think about that, aren't I, because I don't want to have a mental breakdown, because I don't know when's the next time I can go to therapy, so. I finish cooking whatever I'm cooking - vegetable soup, I think? I've forgotten already - and take it to the bedroom door, and knock..... . -.-- "Hey, Adora.", says Catra's voice, and I go in. She's sitting up - that's good. I put the tray on the bed and stand back a bit. She pats the space beside her, where I haven't slept for a week. I've instead been not-sleeping on the sofa-bed in the study."Come sit. I don't bite very often." I do so, very carefully, not moving too fast, not getting too close. When I'm sat there, I almost ask are you ready to talk? but decide to stay silent. Catra pushes the tray away from her and scoots closer to me. I try to make it look like I'm not watching her, but it can't look like I'm ignoring her either. She grabs my hand, but she doesn't hold it properly: she puppeteers it, like she used to, way back after the war when she was still jumpy about touch. I let her move my fingers around. Her own are a lot colder than mine. She skates my fingertips over my inner wrists - that, I'm familiar with - but then wraps my whole hand around her wrist, and now I'm uncomfortable. But if she needs it, I'll put up with it. "And, pretend, this one."She waves her free hand a bit."But give me a second." Then, she takes hold of my other hand, and pulls it up near her face, and hesitates for several moments before just-about brushing it across her jaw. After another few seconds, she drapes my whole hand under her chin. My fingers fall exactly on top of the yellowing bruises. I really, really don't like it. "Stay like that."Her hand moves down to where I'm holding the other wrist. I don't have any choice, I think, not to stay like this. Surely she knows how I feel about it, though, Catra's eyes are wide, pupils a little dilated, searching my expression. "Now, you kiss me." I suddenly pull away."No. Sorry, no, I can't. You're making me really uncomfortable. Please stop." She lies back down, facing away from me."Thank you."She says it in a way that's scaring me really a lot. "Catra? It's lunchtime. Can you sit up and eat?", I ask firmly. "No. Go away. I have a headache." I leave the tray where it is, and sit on the far corner of the bed from Catra."I'm just gonna stay here for a bit, to keep you safe." "Go away." "In a bit, I'll go away, but not now." "Go away."
[There are multiple possible interpretations, by the way, but allow me to clarify that Melog not appearing to defend Catra in AFCC -I was not an oversight (as most of Melog's omission tends to be), it was a detail]
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Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Catra takes another bite of carrot, and chews it slowly. She's holding her fork in her right hand, and her knife is still beside the plate - her left hand is on her lap, half-holding her upright. Adora's plate is empty, and has been for a while. She's watching Catra carefully. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Catra pushes bits of food around ineffectually. Adora tries to make eye contact with her, and fails. She looks at the clock instead. It seems unusually noisy this evening. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. "You should tr-" "Scorpia texted me today.", Catra interrupts. "She's learned to make teacups." Adora pushes Catra's plate an inch closer to her, and raises an eyebrow. Tick. Tick. Tick. Catra puts her fork down."I'm tired."She stands up, and then sits down, and then takes a deep breath and stands up again, and slowly walks over to the sofa, and resumes whatever book she's reading. Adora stays at the table."I'm worried about you. You need to eat properly. Please, Catra." "Stop worrying." "No, I - Catra. I, I really think you need to talk to someone about it. It could be me, or Bow, or Glimmer, or - maybe it's time to start talking about therapy again?" "You think I'm doing this on purpose?", asks Catra quietly. "No. Of course not. You've not done anything wrong. But... that doesn't mean there's not a problem."Adora's picking at the corners of her fingernails. "It's not my fault." "I know it's not."
she thinks you're crazy. she thinks it's all your fault
maybe she's right
you ever considered that? brains are funny things
your brain can make you hurt. It's like I'm being stabbed from the inside out.
all your fault, kitten
Adora puts a small plate of sliced fruit on Catra's lap, and climbs onto the bed, and very slowly starts to remove the tape on Catra's right shoulder, loosening the adhesive with hand cream first. Catra moves the plate over to Adora's side of the bed. Adora glances at it."You know, Catra..." Catra smirks."I know, therefore I what?" "... If you ate more, you'd have more energy. You wouldn't - need as much help." "Don't try to threaten me with dependence, Princess." "That's not what I w-" "Fine. Semantics. You were trying to bribe me with independence, like that's any better. I'm not a kid."Catra grabs the end of the tape and rips it off, leaving an angry red mark down her arm. She picks at the end of the horizontal tape, scratching her skin by accident, and, when a corner gets free, rips that off too, and then rolls her shoulder. "Catra, you..." "Why is it such a problem for you when I decide to manage things for myself? I don't need help. You're just neurotic."She starts to refasten the shoulder of her t-shirt. It's easier when Adora does the buttons for her - they hurt Catra's fingers. She doesn't care. Adora's still sitting there, in slight shock."... Where do we keep the antiseptic? That's going to get infected. That was a really bad idea." "It's not. It's fine. Doesn't hurt." Adora gets out of bed."Give me one second. I think it's in the cupboard next door." "Don't leave. Please." Adora gives a quick apologetic smile and nips out to grab the antiseptic. She's forgotten about the fruit - either forgotten to make Catra eat it, or forgotten to give up and take it away. It's making Catra feel slightly sick.
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All Catra was wearing was a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. All Catra wanted to do was go out in the garden - to have at the rain on her own terms: to feel the petrichor stirring up under her bare feet. Adora, naturally, thought this was a Very Bad Idea, but Catra didn't care. If she wanted to go outside in the driving rain - nearly dark at three-thirty in March - she damn well would. One thing Adora did agree with her on was that a raincoat was just another layer to get wet through, so she was wearing one of her old dresses - the one that got grass-stained years ago and that she kept around for messy tasks. Catra unlatched the back door, and swung it open, and stuck out a hand first. The rain looked worse than it really was: it was certainly wet, but there wasn't much force behind it. Encouraged by this, she stepped outside, and within the next second was soaked through and incredibly cold. Adora followed after her, looking rather miserably soggy. Through the door Melog could be seen sensibly curled up on its carpeted shelf. Catra slid one foot through the muddy grass, smiling. No-one had ever listened to her point that shoes were an imposition on convenience, and sensation, and freedom of movement. Of course, it was by the by that Shadow Weaver never gave her a pair that fit. She swapped sides with her crutch and did the same with the other foot, enjoying the feel of the grass. No thistles, or brambles, or nettles - Adora childproofed the garden for Catra, although she pretended it was so it would look presentable. She'd planted flowers at the end of it. Lavenders, and pansies, and violets. "You're shaking."Adora put an arm around Catra's waist. Catra took a moment to process, and looked down at herself. Yes, she was shaking. Not a tremor, though."I'm shivering, I guess?", she replied, not really caring. "Maybe it's time to go back inside."Adora started to guide Catra back to the door. "Wait, wait, wait. One more thing."Catra turned to face Adora, and put one hand over the one on her waist, and the other, crutch dangling off the elbow, at the back of Adora's head, fingers tangled into her sopping-wet blonde hair. She stared into Adora's pretty grey eyes: lighter than the storm clouds and not a hint of blue."This is a romance story. We have to have our rainy kiss scene." Adora smiled, but didn't lean in - she let Catra take the lead. Catra stood on her tip-toes and kissed Adora while the rain kept falling around them.
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[Adora]
"Alright. Have a nice day. See you in a couple weeks.", smiles Joanne. Catra glares at her, unbrakes, and heads toward the door. I stay in my seat."Catra, would you mind if I just had a word with Jo, without you?" She raises her eyebrows at me, but shrugs and leaves. She pretends not to struggle with the door - it's too heavy. The eating disorder clinic isn't accessible. Once it's closed, I turn back to Joanne. She puts on that concerned look."What can I help you with, Adora?" I put on a slight aureole of magic and make my eyes She-Ra blue, and cross my arms. I speak calmly and firmly."Don't you dare tell my wife what to avoid. There's no such thing as what's good to eat and what's bad to eat - there's just what she will have and what she won't. There are so few things she'll reliably be able to eat - don't you dare tell her she's wrong to." "I'm sorry that's how you feel.", says Joanne smoothly. "But I'm not being judgmental - there are real consequences to having a poor diet. For example, her salt intake i-" "Her salt intake is recommended by a doctor.", I interrupt. "Can't you read? She has a file, and POTS is on the first page." Joanne observes me for a second."I'm already running late by ten minutes. Could we continue this conversation next appointment? In the meantime, you can ask at the reception desk for some information on healthy diets." "The reception has a couple steps up to it. We had to come in through the back of the building, where the bins are. This whole place is stupid." She smiles."Sorry, I know it is. I didn't design the place, though. Anyway, Catra can walk a little, can't she? Go ask the receptionist - he's a lovely guy. Alright then? Bye." I don't return her little wave, or say 'bye' back, or even say 'thank you'; I just walk out. Catra's sitting outside. The rooms here are supposed to be soundproofed, I know - that's what the heavy doors are for - but Catra has good hearing, and she's looking at me in a way that says she overheard everything.
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[Adora]
Catra's so cute when she plays - squeaking and chittering and chasing around the toy mouse that I'm pulling on a string around our bed. She had to stop as soon as we were four, because the Cadet programme only allowed one type of play - sparring - and nothing 'animal', like Shadow Weaver called it. "Mmrh."Catra bites the mouse hard, seems to decide that's killed it, and curls up, purring self-satisfiedly. I shuffle slightly closer to her."Are you gonna attack my hands if I cuddle you?"Catra tends to get bitey - I tend to remedy this by washing my hands before we play, because I have She-Ra to fix me, and she doesn't. "No, courf no'.", mumbles Catra over the mouse. I trace my fingers around her ear, and then, when she turns her head into the touch, start to pet it properly."Are you tired yet?" "Five more minu'es."She wiggles slightly, snuggling into the messed-up duvet, and blends her purrs with chirps. "Yeah, sure."
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[I've never bought or consumed coffee in my entire life so I just made up something that sounded nice idk]
[Bow]
Glimmer gets lemonade with ice cubes and a strawberry ice-cream, Adora gets lemonade without ice cubes and a mint-chocolate-chip ice-cream, and I get a chocolate-fudge-cake-flavoured iced coffee with whipped cream and marshmallows and sprinkles. "You guys are weird.", says Catra. I think it's a bit unfair, because she didn't even get anything at the café - she's got her own waterbottle. "Yeah, well, you're short.", says Glimmer triumphantly. Catra smirks."Sparkles, it says more about you than me that you have to hang around a wheelchair user to feel tall." "Yeah, and remind me who was climbing the walls of my palace - let me think - three days after moving in. Overcompensating much?" "At least my limbs aren't so pathologically short that I have to teleport to get to high places." "At least my limbs can stay in one piece." "Ach, my ice-cream.", interrupts Adora, who's got mint and chocolate chips melting slowly down her hand. Glimmer bursts out laughing."There's a technique to it."She demonstrates by licking all round the base of her ice-cream. Adora semi-successfully tries to copy her, and there's an awkward moment that they make eye contact while halfway around their ice-creams, and Catra comments, "Asterisks, sexual posturing intensifies." "Let's go see how temperature the water is!", I shout before it can get weirder.
[Adora]
A waterproof watch. I should get one of those, really, because I have no idea how long it's been."Bow!", I yell. "Remind me to get a waterproof watch!" "Okay!", he yells back, and then disappears under the cloud layer to retrieve the beach ball that Glimmer just threw short of him. "I'm gonna go check on Catra, is that alright?" Bow's head pops back up, mist still clinging to his soggy hair, and he shouts, "Yeah!", while Glimmer gives me two thumbs-up. The air's refreshingly warm after the ocean, and I jog over to where Catra's curled up on a beach wheelchair - because she point-blank refuses to risk touching a grain of sand. Towels on the floor are apparently too sandy. Between that and point-blank refusing to touch the clouds either, you'd think she'd hate the seaside, but its one saving grace is the sunbathing. The closer I get, the louder I can hear her purr, until I'm kneeling next to her and she sounds like a skiff engine."Hey, Catra. We doing okay?" "Yeah, 's good. Go play with the others." I pull her arm away from her face, which is quite flushed."Maybe we should head back inside soon?" "Why'd you care?" I start petting her ears, which are almost too hot to comfortably touch." 'Cause lying in the sun is fun until you're all overheated and grumpy about it. Plus, you decided not to wear sunscreen. Which I told you is a bad idea." "Tch. It's sticky and gross."Catra bops my hand away with her ear and resettles slightly. I lie resolutely down on a beach towel."Fine. I'm keeping an eye on you, though. And, drink some water." "I still feel sick from lunch.", she mutters. Lunch was hours ago, and she hardly had half her plate. "You guys okay over there?", Glimmer yells. "Yeah!", I call, and then hold Catra's waterbottle in front of her, and say, "I bet it'll make you feel better." "It won't. Sh, I'm trying to enjoy the sun."
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Entry 1It came to my attention several weeks ago that underneath the Fright Zone is an underground city. It was subsequently identified as a threat, and destroyed, although it appears that this process has been accelerated by the Fright Zone's industrial byproducts, which act as toxins to the creatures that inhabited the city.Five of these creatures remain alive in Fright Zone custody: the rest are dead. Four of my specimens have not been forthcoming. The fifth, labelled as SP-079/04, which appears to be a juvenile specimen, has given information under the influence of pain.04 claimed that SP-079 is known to itself as /maʤikats/, and that its city is called /ha:f mu:n/. Both are entirely unknown to the rest of the planet.SP-079 is under observation. Entry 2SP-079/01 and 04 have died.The autopsy of 01 revealed large malignant tumours in the lungs and brain. This specimen was clearly diseased.The autopsy of 04 was much more useful, although I would have liked to have waited until the creature was mature. Its musculoskeletal system, teeth, reproductive system, endocrine system and brain appeared underdeveloped. The claws of SP-079 appear, as has been confirmed by the guards, to be effective weapons. The species also boasts impressive reaction times, flexibility, proprioception, hearing, night-vision, and skin/hair sensitivity.I should like to further my experimentation, with a view as to using SP-079 for stealth maneuvres. Entry 3Force Captain Cass has killed my three remaining SP-079 specimens whilst trying to encourage reproduction among them. Cass has thus been disposed of.I have gathered DNA samples from all five SP-079, however my ambition to have a small regiment of the species is going to be much more difficult than I initially anticipated. Entry 4EXP-351: An ovum removed from a subject anatomically similar to SP-079. The cell enucleated, and a diploid SP-079 nucleus inserted. The ovum returned to the subject's body in the hopes that it might implant. This repeated in six separate subjects. Entry 5Successful pregnancy has been achieved in two places.The subjects both displayed significant distress at this. They have been restrained and sedated as necessary in order not to endanger the pregnancy. Entry 6Labour induced in both subjects.One specimen stillborn. Autopsy revealed many significant and seemingly random mutations to liver and kidney structure.One specimen, labelled EXP-351/01, appears not unhealthy. It has been moved to the general nursery. Entry 7A third pregnancy achieved.01 displaying failure to thrive. Entry 801 dead. Autopsy revealed mutation to heart structure: coronary arteries stem from vena cava. Entry 9EXP-351/02 born. It appears healthy - certainly more so than 01. It has been moved to the nursery. Entry 1002 is developing as would be expected. It has recently begun to crawl. This is highly encouraging. Brief examination revealed no apparent mutations: it fits the phenotype of SP-079. I feel that I may be making headway in this field.A fourth, fifth and sixth pregnancy achieved. Entry 1102 dead of pneumonia. Autopsy revealed lesions in brain and spinal cord, which had been as yet asymptomatic. Entry 12EXP-351/03 born. Appears healthy. Taken by Shadow Weaver.The other two pregnancies unsuccessful. Entry 13I have surprised even myself with the survival of 03. It has reached the age of four and entered the Cadet program with no apparent problems.I currently have no subjects in which to induce pregnancy, but am actively seeking them out, as EXP-351 seems to be an excellent investment. The child is indeed a potent weapon, even in its youth. Entry 14Shadow Weaver reports that 03 is having fainting episodes. I have instructed her not to intervene, nor allow its fellow Cadets to. If 03 is to die, it must occur organically for my results to be worth anything. Entry 1503 thriving. Promoted to Cadet Officer, fifth order. Fainting episodes continue. Entry 16Fainting episodes reduced to frequency 0. I will assume it to be a quirk of adolescence. Entry 17Seventh and eighth pregnancies induced.03 is turning out to be a competent Cadet Officer, second order. It would be a candidate for Force Captain, had it not such an exemplary colleague. Entry 18EXP-351/04 born. Appears healthy. Moved to nursery, given that Shadow Weaver has been indisposed.I am forced, however, to consider pausing EXP-351 as the war begins to increase in intensity. It is likely that the conflict will come to a head long before a regiment of SP-079 could be assimilated.I have not yet informed Entrapta as to EXP-351. I should not like to distract her from EXP-045. Entry 19Unprecedented discovery with aid of EXP-112 (atmospheric manipulation). EXP-351/03 demonstrated remarkably poor response to hypoxic conditions. I suspect a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system, which would explain the fainting episodes.03 is no longer of any scientific use to me alive. Entrapta does not want me to dispose of her outright, though. Entry 2004 thriving.03 now serves a non-experimental function, although I should like to autopsy after her death. Entry 2104 displays no autonomic dysfunction. Its date of birth has been edited by an auxiliary, which may be due to simple incompetence.
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[Finn.]
Mummy's gone to answer the door. I join her, wrapping her long twirly skirt around me. It's a woman, pale with blonde hair and blue eyes that are bright like mine. I can faintly remember it, from somewhere. A drawing in one of the picture books at nursery? She's holding a folder, and talking to Mummy. I can't catch much of what the visitor is saying - she talks fast - but I can read Mummy's responses. "-until the Fright Zone is reconstructed.""Oh, really? No, I've not noticed anything similar. I'll keep an eye out.""I don't think that'd work. They're Deaf, see. Unless you can sign?- Ha, yeah, no, 'course. Hah. Was hard enough to learn myself.""OK, well, thanks for letting me know. You too. Bye!" The visitor hands the folder to Mummy, and leaves. Mummy picks me up, and carries me to the living room, and puts me down on the sofa and the folder up on a high shelf. Who was that?, I ask. She thinks for a second, and then replies, An old friend of mine. You don't need to worry about it.
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[Whitby is Sea Hawk and Mermista's son. He'll be, like, 3 or 4 by now]
[The perspective is with Catra.]
Glimmer puts a hand on her stomach. I know what she's about to say. "- we're going to have a baby!" "Oh, yay!"Adora's enthusiasm sounds genuine. Is genuine. I put a significant amount of effort into not letting my smile falter."Congratulations."I hope no-one picks up on it. They don't. Bow is beaming."I'm going to be a dad!", he squeaks. "Glimmer's going to be a mum!" I realise that, at this point, I would usually make some sarcastic comment. It takes me a moment to synthesise one, but by that point Adora's stepped in."They're going to be a princess too?" "Well, yeah. The Moonstone's intact." "And a sorcerer?" Glimmer shrugs."Don't know. If they are, though, I'm not sure we'll send them to Mystacor for school. Depends if Auntie Casta's still heading up the Guild, I guess." I'm still smiling. "What are you thinking for names?" "Why are you sacrificing everything for me? I'm ruining your life!" "Umm... something... something like 'Angella' for a second name, I think." "And maybe something old. Honourable."
"It's not your fault."
"It is! If I'd just have died -"
Glimmer sighs."It's kind of scary, y'know? Not that - of course, I love them already. And it's not a surprise, either. But the idea that we'll be responsible for a whole new person?"
"No. Don't."
"Why do you even bother? I'm only getting worse."
"There's so much stuff you need for it, too.", she adds. "Stuff you'd never think about, like tiny mittens so they don't scratch themself, and a hair hairbrush - bendy bristles! - that won't hurt their head."
"Because I love you."
"Don't pretend you wouldn't love a real family, though. Don't lie." "Catra?"Of course it's Adora that notices. When she should be fawning over the new baby. I snap out of it."Sorry. I was just... dizzy."I gesture vaguely at my head, grinning like it's a joke. "Do you want to go home?"She interlaces her fingers with mine, tapping her thumb absentmindedly on the back of my hand. .. -.- -. --- .-- .. - ... -.. .. ..-. ..-. "No, I'm fine."I smile again, and it gives me a headache. Glimmer continues."I know I can teleport while the baby's - what was it?" I'm returning a message to Adora. "Sharing your circulation." .. .-- .- -. - - --- --. --- "Yeah, that, but I don't actually know if babies can teleport. Like, after they're born. They're so small - did you see how tiny Whitby's little hand was?" "I think we should probably go.", says Adora, with her authoritative-voice. She's looking at me in that critical way, 'there's something wrong', but it's a performance, because she knows what's wrong. Bow and Glimmer smile at me in the exact same way everyone else does. What it says is, 'I'm so sorry for you.' What it means is, 'I'm so sorry your illness is affecting me.' I try my best to look annoyed, but I'm glad to leave. It's far too often nowadays that I'm glad to leave.
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[Catra]
Shadow Weaver let me go hours ago. I don't know what she was angry about, just that it hurts now. It's been hours, and it still hurts, the sort of ache that I know is growing pain, but that I've never seemed to grow out of. So I keep walking, because if I sit down I'll stay down. There's the idea of the ghost of a shadow just ahead."Adora? Are you there?"And the shadow runs away, so I chase it, and I know I shouldn't scratch my claws into the floor to go faster but I do anyway."Adora! Adora, wait!" I reach out for her, and she's suddenly there, under my hand."Hey, Catra, hey. It's alright. Is something wrong?" "Hurts."The corridor is starting to fall into shadow behind me. I want to run, but Adora won't move."Adora, come on. Come on." "I think you're still asleep. Can you wake up?" The shadows are getting closer to us. They're getting closer."She's going to find us."I keep pulling on Adora's hand, but she's not moving and it's getting darker-
[Adora]
" 'dora, c'mon, c'mon.", Catra mumbles. I run a hand through her hair."I think you're still asleep. Can you wake up?" Catra hums discontentedly."She's going to find us." "No, she's not. We're safe."I grab her thermometer, wiggle the battery half out so the noise doesn't scare her, and take her temperature - 37.5."Can you wake up, Catra? Please?" She opens her eyes, and starts crying. "Hey, it's okay, we're safe. It was a bad dream." "I don't feel good." "No, I know you don't. Is there anything you need?" She turns over and curls up against me."Shadow Weaver." Okay. Yay. Back to that again.
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[Adora.]
"- there. Done."I've just pinned my wing badge to Catra's collar. She looks lovely: a red shirt and charcoal-grey trousers, dark grey gloves to match, and a jacket hung from one shoulder that hides her tubing and the rucksack it's attached to. The jacket's technically mine - a gift, styled after She-Ra - but I never liked it, and it suits Catra much better anyway. She kisses me, and then, after a long moment, says, "I should go get Bow and Sparkles. Make sure they aren't going to make us all late." "I can-" "No, you stay here. You need to fix your hair." I run a hand through my hair. I've let it get long."What's wrong with my hair?" She just gives me an amused look and rolls in the direction of Glimmer and Bow's room. We - all four of us - have been here a couple days now, to give Catra time to recuperate after the journey, and in any case it's been lovely to see the Scorpion Kingdom. Whilst the city in general, built on the ruins of the Fright Zone, is a mix of salvaged industrial material and buildings so nestled into nature it's hard to tell you're not in a forest - like Plumeria, in that regard - the palace, built on top of the renovated Vyola hall, is styled much after Bright Moon. There are even waterfalls in the bedrooms. I stand up and look into the water. Well, I, for one, think that my hair looks fine - swept back and held in place by a tiara kind of like Glimmer's. The rest of my outfit looks alright too: a blue tea-length dress with gold accents, and matching flat shoes. I was considering wearing white, but decided against it as soon as we had notice that Scorpia and Perfuma's wedding is going to take place alongside the All-Princess Ball. I'm thrown by a sudden strong sense of déja vu as the door bursts open. "Just let me brush it!" "No!"Catra hides, rather unsuccessfully, behind me - trying to escape Glimmer, who's brandishing a hairbrush like Razz and her broom."Don't let her touch me. She's going to torture me!" Truth be told, there's not much opportunity for torture. Catra's kept her hair short since the war and, anyway, she doesn't object to hairbrushing like she used to as a Cadet. I'm still trying to find my feet. I could've sworn I've been here before, in a dream or something. Does She-Ra give me powers of prophecy? "Do you always have to be this dramatic?", asks Glimmer. Bow wanders in, and Glimmer folds herself automatically into one of his arms. I realise with a start - they're both wearing Angella's earrings. I shouldn't be surprised - they wear those everywhere. Why am I surprised?"C'mon, guys. If we're late to Scorpia's first Ball, she's going to kill us." "Fine! You're off the hook... this time."Glimmer and Bow walk out, and Catra makes a silly face after them, and I realise I should probably be following them, but my body is refusing to move. Is it a memory from one of the previous She-Ras that I'm recalling? Is there something wrong with my brain - am I having a stroke? Am I dead? Has there been another portal? Is this a fake reality? "You coming?"Catra's in front of me, holding out a hand, and I'm pulled out of my thought spiral. The room is nearly silent, apart from the slight whirr of Catra's feed and the gentle trickling of the waterfall. For some reason, I feel like taking her hand would be a really bad idea. But I do it anyway. It feels warm and soft and solid and real. The déja vu disappears."Yeah. 'Course I am."
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1002 1 January 29: Pain
*EXP-1655010/0000003* {Prime is anticipating the numbers of the chipped to run into the millions} {also, Hordak runs on much lower experiment numbers, e.g. EXP-351/03}
*Entry 19.*
*Dictated by Lord Prime.*
(Right. Two weeks. Excellent.) {two weeks before the flagship gets to Etheria. Slower than Darla, but Prime sacrifices speed for style, and he has the mechanical teleports if he needs them}(You shall make me so proud, my child.) {speaking to Catra obvs}(Yes? Yes. Two million. No, cut the Lagu project. Ahem. Brother? Are you recording this?) {production of two million extra chip modules to test planet-wide on Etheria} My brothers; my people; today I bring before you hope. This is a creature of your own planet; your sister: I have brought her into my Light, and given her a peace she has never before known.Our dear sister lived in such pain. She bonded her heart to one other, called this petty sensation *love*, and, when it was ripped apart by the cruel hand of circumstance, crumbled to a glowing cinder, fit only to burn others {playing into Catra’s own guilt about the people she’s hurt}. She truly believed herself to be worthless - she thought nothing of tearing herself to pieces {self-harm}.I have healed her. {works as part of whole speech, but also in reference to last part: he removed all her scars, self-inflicted and otherwise}I have healed her, too, of the pain inherent to your species' natural tendency to *brokenness* {he means the fact that genetic/congenital conditions exist on Etheria. Eugenics.}: I have cut clean through that defective {note on the word ‘defective/defect’ – Prime used it against Hordak, and Hordak subsequently used it against himself, and Catra subsequently used it against him, but in essentials it’s HP being ableist} nervous system {central pain sensitisation due to massively untreated EDS&co}; she feels nothing of her fragile body {refer to ‘how does the chip actually work?’ in Essays}. She is free.Would you not also like to be healed?Come. Join your little sister. There is no pain in the Light. (Damn it. No. No, don't send that one out. Have it - have it put on the creature's record.) {it looked better on paper than said out loud}(The experimental record.) {so essentially this file was initially meant to be somewhere else but it got put in EXP-1655010/0000003 because Prime didn't like it}(No, I shall have no interruptions {he’s stomping off to sulk and write a new speech} unless my little sister sees fit to rebel {he is genuinely scared of rebellion}.)
*End entry.*
1002 4 April 17: Alone VI / Dinner -I
Part B
(Adora)
There's a splintering noise and then something flies across the room. It settles on the floor. Half a pencil, and it's left a dusty grey line where it hit the door. I look up at Catra. She's sitting at the desk, leaning back, hands on her face. The other half of the pencil is lying on the page in front of her. "Catra, ar-" "I'm wrong in the head, aren't I?", she interrupts. "I can't do this fucking - the fucking - the numbers aren't - shut up." {Catra is trying to do maths} I put my book aside and go to kneel next to her, keeping one eye firmly on her claws."What's wrong?" "I can't work like this. Shut it up." I cast an eye around the room. Catra's got sensitive ears. Is it the electricity? No, Entrapta would’ve noticed and fixed it. {Entrapta can hear electricity & she hates it}"Shut what up?" "Go away."She leans forwards, and puts her head in her hands. "Catra, what's wrong?" "What's wrong is I'm a fucking lunatic."She throws the other half of the pencil over her shoulder, and picks up a pen, and turns a new page, and starts to write. you are broken {SW}left you {Destiny Part 2, DT}do ityou're clever {SW}a defect, a mistake {Destiny Part 2, Catra}never were cut out for it {DP2, DT}so work it out clever girl {SW}you drive them away {DP2, DT}brokentell her you're broken {The whole story, ‘broken’ is tied exclusively to Catra’s chronic illness. Catra also wholeheartedly believes that Adora will leave her if she finds out about it. The urge to tell Adora is, therefore, self-destructive. Not a bid for connection or anything.}stop lyingjust tell herleft youtell heryou deserve to h {hurt} {Catra essentially thinks halfway through writing ‘hurt’ “oh shit I can’t write that Adora would get so worried/angry”} She stops writing, suddenly, and glances at me, and raises her eyebrows. I go back down the list. 'Broken' - one of Shadow Weaver's. Same with 'clever'. The rest, I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure 'left you' is about me, and I'm pretty sure 'do it' is about... something I don't want to dwell on."Are these... memories?", I ask, quietly. She shrugs slightly."S- some of them."Her voice is nervous. I read back through the list."Intrusive thoughts?" She's really pale. Looks almost dizzy - with stress? Fear? {adrenaline}"Maybe." I scan the list again. 'Do it' is the only one with a self-harm kind of feel - and I'm not even sure about that – so I think I can leave that alone for now. 'Tell her you're broken' - well, I think it's safe to say that whatever she's doing now is that. {no, wrong} And that seems to be going – not terribly, certainly. ‘You deserve to h’ - ‘h’ what? Have something? Hate something? Hurt something? Handle something? "Just make it stop.", she murmurs. {about both the voice, and the fact that she knows she’s about to faint} I stay exactly where I am. I can't move away {abandonment issues} and I can't move closer {personal space} {Adora simultaneously has a very good idea and absolutely no idea of what’s going on in Catra’s mind}. My communicator's a metre and a half away - too far."Is there anything I can do to make that happen?" She doesn't respond. "Catra?" Her head hits the desk, and then one arm, and then the other, upsetting the pencil pot. Is that...? I shake her shoulder. I think she's passed out. She hasn't done that since we were fourteen. Or maybe she's been hiding it since we were fourteen. I wouldn’t be surprised. Either way, all I can do is sit around and wait until she wakes up. It’s only a couple minutes. It’s fine. {it was Shadow Weaver that told Adora to ‘sit around and wait’. This is not ideal advice, clearly.}
1004 11 November 28: AFCC (Post)
Part C
(Catra)
Adora.{this isn’t ‘adora’ it’s ‘dt’}It's Adora in front of me, hazy around the edges, smiling red.{colour symbolism: danger}Her hair's down, but she grins at me, and pulls it up into a ponytail. Stands still for a second and then tilts her head a degree or two to the side, scrutinising me.{puts up hair – ref to unusual costuming in prev. chapter}{fear of being watched too closely – link to secrets in pt D}"Broken."She's holding my chin, and running a thumb over my lips. I can't move, or speak, or scream. {occlusion of mouth theme}The thumb goes inside my mouth, pressing against the right-side incisor in my lower jaw. {om}{prev. chapter: dt kisses catra by force while disguised as adora}"Mine.", she says, and presses down harder, and I can taste her blood. I will drown in her blood. {blood theme}"You never were cut out for this, were you?"{manipulation of dt’s words back in dec 1001}There is a sudden crushing pressure on my lungs. {breathing theme}"Being alive. Being *good*. It doesn't suit you, huh?"For the first time in a while, I think, I take a breath in. Desparate. Shallow. {br}"Go on, clever girl. Think yourself out of this one. Be q l u o i u e d t."{calling catra ‘clever’ weaponised by SW}{‘quiet’ from SW / ‘loud’ based on noisy intrusive thoughts}The last word sounds like ten voices in one."I *love* you, kitten?"{‘kitten’ from dt}A hundred voices in one."You're a bad I f n r fl i u e e n n d ce."{‘influence’ from SW / ‘friend’ from Scorpia}A thousand voices in one."Get out." {escape theme}{Hordak. More relevant later}And, now, one voice in none. Not Adora's. Curling around my wrists and my neck and my skin.{wrists, neck, skin: where the scars used to be}"Break yourself."
1004 11 November 28: AFCC (Post)
Part D
(Catra)
Adora.{this is ‘adora’ start of S1}It's Adora in front of me, scared, sobbing blue.{colour symbolism: she-ra’s eyes}Sword in hand, turning away, and the blue eyes are gone. It leaves her shadow, massive on the near horizon, static, stubborn, everywhere. Pervasive.{adora left catra but that just increased her influence over Catra’s life}"Broken."His voice echoes from a platform, and I am trapped in chains, staring down to a floor I've seen before. {es}{this is Hordak}"Mine."There is a mask on my face, because I bite when threatened. And I am not in chains, and I am not in a mask - I am in myself. My body is my tomb and the Light is my senses. {om} {es}{switches from physical entrapment in Fright Zone to feeling of being chipped, ‘the Light’ – HP’s hivemind}"I was never cut out for that, was I?", my voice asks.My breath is its own to use. {br}{chipped}"Being alone. Being strong. I couldn’t do it."He laughs and so does my body.{this is Horde Prime now}"No, you could not, little one. And neither could you lie. Lies are hard to *get out* of, no?", he says. "Like love. One must escape, or one risks *dependence*." {es}{HP references catra’s lie about entrapta, and hordak’s dependence on entrapta’s tech and presence (ref. Enemy)}"I am weak.", my mouth says. {om}He laughs again, and the sound pushes me farther away from myself."Yes. You are. Hard to escape it.”The memories that I shoved underwater. They never drowned, not in all that blood on the white floor. Mine. {bl}“Only one way out.”{the memories are very literally just of her suicide attempt (which was catalysed by HP). The floor was white on the flagship and there was a lot of blood}
1004 11 November 28: AFCC (Post)
Part E
(Catra)
Adora.{this is 3y/o adora}It's Adora in front of me, serious, staring grey.{colour symbolism: adora’s original eye colour}I can't reach out to grab her hand, because my arms feel weighted. My body is impossibly heavy, and crackling red.{SW’s red electricity magic}"Broken.", it says, far above me, in the low voice I know so well.{this voice is SW}Adora steps forward, starts to circle around me. Her eyes say *mine* when she looks at me."You never were respec-ful, were you, Caf-rine?", she asks. So this is before the elocution lesson.{uses “catherine”’s full name, and claims that catra’s disrespectful. This is a full embodiment of catra’s feeling that adora was 100% SW’s puppet}{elocution lesson – adora got taught, with SW’s usual cruel methodology, to speak properly when she was 4. Irl she wasn’t immune from SW’s abuse.}She's right behind me."You never did learn to shuddup, huh?"{this ‘adora’ is SW’s puppet: reflects SW’s ‘be quiet’ instruction}A little hand reaches round my head and covers my mouth. {om}I can't breathe. {br}The electricity intensifies."You're not stupid. You can break yourself out.", says the voice. {es}{ref, again, SW calling catra ‘clever’}My mind is still reeling, though. I can't breathe. {br}"I couldn't stop her taking a shine to you."{direct from SW}My claws are pressing into my palm. Cutting. This is before the flagship. This is before the scars. This is before the promise. This is the first time I've had blood run through my hands. Enough to drown me. {bl}{irl catra never hurt herself until she was like 8, and no scars until she was 10, but the dream version leans toward extremity}"You and I both know you don't deserve it."{again, direct from SW}The electricity gets denser, a red haze around me, and I know it's hurting Adora too, and her hand pulls back just a bit, enough for me to take a breath. {om} {br}"Go on, child."The voice is unreadable. Soft."Get out." {es}And it all dissolves.{'Shadow Weaver' frees Catra from the loop at the end of iteration 3. She makes Adora let go, and allows Catra to breathe, and tells her to leave. Catra's mind has created an embodiment of SW that cares about her just enough to set her free.}
1004 11 November 28: AFCC (Post)
Part F
(Catra)
Adora.It's Adora in front of me, worried.{no verb & colour: breaks loop}Not right in front of me. A couple feet away, sitting against the wardrobe, hugging her knees.{ref prev. chapter: scared to get too close in case catra’s scared of her}"Catra? Hey. Hey, it's okay. You were having a nightmare. It... is there anything I can do? I- I can leave, obviously, if you'd like, but...""Stay.""Okay. I'm here for you. Is there anything you need?""No.""Okay."And she stays there.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Is Catra neurodivergent?
After thinking the answer was 'no' for a year and two thirds, I have changed my mind and have decided that she is, essentially by merit of being a cat.
sensory
I am of the opinion that Catra is very much a cat. She sees a different spectrum of colours, hears a different spectrum of frequencies, has sensitive touch receptors, is missing the receptor for sweet tastes, and has a very sensitive sense of smell. Her proprioception is excellent; her introception is average.
social and communication
Catra has Borderline Personality Disorder: this seems to be an imperative fact of the general understanding of her character. It would affect her interpersonal relationships, although less so with therapy and so on.
emotional regulation
Ditto for the last point: BPD.
other
I have to mention that Catra is hypermobile and that that is comorbid to neurodivergence. Additionally one would be correct in saying that she is only neurodivergent with her cat traits, because she lives among humanoid Etherians - if living among other Magicats, this would be neurotypical.
conclusion
Yes. It is not a hill I will die on, but I do think that Catra is neurodivergent.
Are Etherians human? (A hill I will die on.)
Adora is human; native Etherians are not.Light Hope talks about her "human protocol" in the episode 'Light Hope'. Now, Light Hope was designed to work for She-Ra and She-Ra only; any other presence in the Crystal Castle other than She-Ra triggers the alarm. And She-Ra can only be a First One. Therefore, the First Ones are definitively human.How do we know that the Etherians are not First Ones? Because {A) as mentioned, She-Ra can only be a First One, and there have therefore been no First Ones on Etheria in a thousand years to bear the sword} and {B) there is some sort of easily distinguishable difference between the First Ones and everyone else, which Horde Prime can detect near instantly with Adora}.So, the Etherians are something else - likely, a set of something elses - that is not First Ones and is therefore not human.
How does the chip actually work? (or, Four paragraphs of saying 'screw you' to the concept of scientific accuracy.)
One must understand, first, that – based at least on our few canonical glimpses of Hordak’s imagination/vision, plus the fact that solid green eyes are a marker of chipping – the clones do not particularly operate via visuals, at least with visible light. Let’s say that Prime’s drones, bots, and clones use a mixture of SONAR (similar to bats) and infrared imaging to ‘see’. Now, simply for the idea that the chipped can demonstrably hear (I’ll explain in a second), let’s say that the drones, bots, and clones mainly ‘hear’ using frequencies above 20kHz. You can believe what you like about taste and smell; they’re irrelevant (I personally like to imagine that the hivemind system uses smell, and that therefore Catra was surprised when she saw Adora).Now, then. The chip is installed at the C3 level, and can hijack any part of the CNS (and thus nervous system in general) as required by the hivemind system. Mostly, this is the motor and therefore also the sensory neurons: as such, the subject’s touch input is delivered to the hivemind and their motor functions are controlled by it: this also means that the subject (who is still conscious in there) cannot feel their environment or control their movement. When the subject’s brain is hijacked, the hivemind system can see and control their memories etc, but it is a system- and storage-intensive process, so mostly, subjects are allowed to retain their sense of self.Circling back to the first paragraph: the chip does not use the subject’s own visual or auditory systems, so the subject is able to see (mostly) and hear everything that is happening. I say ‘mostly’ for the vision, because of the green eyes (a rather stylised, by Prime, side-effect of the infrared vision), which, obviously, cast a green filter over the subject’s vision. It is otherwise unaffected.Anyhow, this explains the entirety of the Etherian side of Taking Control: when masquerading as unchipped (see: Spinny at the end of the episode), the chip controls the subject’s behaviour and fundamental beliefs, but allows them full motor and sensory control to act on this. But, due to the aforementioned system-intensive process of actual mind control, it is by far preferable to Prime to not have the chipped masquerading as unchipped.
A guide to perspectives, and the fact that you are being lied to.
I am counting omission of information within the definition of 'lying'.
the first-person perspective
First-person chapters are always written in the present tense, and in the voice of the character. I am telling you what the character sees and interprets to be true: I am not telling you what is actually happening in the scene. Take it with a grain of salt.This, by the way, also applies to all dialogue, which is technically just the character making their existing first-person voice audible to other characters. Bear in mind, however, that there is the extra layer in dialogue of characters wishing to manipulate situations to their benefit, which is happening in small or large ways essentially all the time; most commonly, with omission. So, in the words of the excellent Will Wood, take it with a pillar of salt.In summary, characters are constantly wrong, and characters constantly lie, so do not trust the voice of a character.
the third-person perspective
Third-person chapters in the past tense mostly end up following one character, and may occasionally introduce perspective-based interpretations, but not nearly to the extent of the first-person. This is why third-person-past-tense is generally used for fluff chapters.Third-person and present-tense is another matter entirely. They may also follow one character and may introduce interpretations, but these are always glaringly obvious. Therefore, nearly everything in a third-person-present-tense chapter is, in fact, trustworthy. There remains only the matter that there is hardly any information given within them, especially when you are entirely outside a perspective and are seeing events exactly as they happen.
the second-person perspective
Hardly ever used, and always a voice, therefore untrustworthy. It certainly creates an effect, though.
Utterly non-professional psychology.
Let's consider two children: child A and child B. They are identical, except that child A has anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies.Now let's put them in an abusive environment. This causes the two children to form a very codependent relationship.There are other children in this abusive environment. When these other children suffer, child B acts on her inherent will to help people. This behaviour is deemed inappropriate, and child B is punished.When other children suffer; even when the one suffering is child B; child A is too anxious to act on her inherent will to help people. This behaviour is deemed appropriate, and child A becomes the favourite.Due to the repeated punishment, child B eventually becomes unable to openly express her will to help others. Child A retains hers, but keeps it hidden.Now let's give child A the motive to leave the abusive environment, alone. She is given the tools and encouragement to help other people, and does so, despite her history of inaction. Child A becomes a hero.Child B has been abandoned by child A. She is given more and more responsibility and power, in order that she might directly oppose child A. Add on top of that years of trauma and abuse, as well as a chronic illness that no one has ever explained to her and that she cannot complain about: and child B becomes a villain.Now, let's name child A 'Adora', and child B 'Catra'.
How I write, and how to read it.
I take a liberal approach with orthography, presentation, (as I am sure you have noticed) paragraph formatting, etc. This is entirely due to my own preferences, but there are rules that I apply to the whole matter.To save time, space, and the letters ‘e’, ‘g’ and ‘.’ on my keyboard, examples will be given in [square brackets], entirely apart from their other use in my work which is to indicate my own voice.
formatting
A new line is where the ‘enter’ key is pressed once. A new paragraph is where the ‘enter’ key is pressed twice, and a blank line is left between.Principally: no two characters may speak in the same paragraph (unless the speech occurs simultaneously and there is no other way to represent this).Secondarily: dialogue may not occupy the same line as a separate sentence of narrative. Interruptions [“But –“ she pointed – “it’s broken.”] are considered part of dialogue, and do not necessitate a new line. Speech markers [“But it’s broken.”, she said.] are considered part of the dialogue, and do not necessitate a new line, unless it includes pausing punctuation [“But it’s broken.”, she said, pointing.]: this final case would necessitate a new line in the same paragraph if the same character were to continue speaking.In terms of plain narrative without dialogue, aside from where in-universe written text is represented, a new topic always begins a new paragraph. Plain narrative does not operate in terms of lines.All of the above rules can be broken in the case of special chapters [song or document chapters].
orthography
I have a good grasp of English spelling, and it is this that allows me to bend it to my will.In the case where I consider an ‘incorrect’ spelling to be better-looking or make more sense [‘intercede’, ‘Frienemy’], and understanding is not lost by using the ‘incorrect’ spelling, I will use it.In the case where I have need of a word that doesn’t technically exist but that would attain understanding if used [‘disallegiance’], I will use a made-up word.Poor or unusual spelling may also be used as a stylistic choice in some chapters.
presentation
I absolutely adore the use of presentational features to communicate voices [Catra’s inner voice, the voices in the hivemind] and ideas [Adora’s repressed thoughts]. The use mainly depends on how I was feeling at the time of writing, so may vary except in the major cases I have just given as examples.Catra’s inner voice is always italicised and lowercase, and uses punctuation normally except at the end of a bout of it, in which case any punctuation is omitted. The voices in the hivemind are bold aside from Prime’s, and struckthrough where they are repressed. In the same vein, Adora’s repressed thoughts are struckthrough and generally substituted.In the absence of its own category, and in view of the brevity of both of them, I’ll lump in punctuation here as well: there is only one way I use punctuation unusually, and that is to separate arguments [Etheria is {magical}, {lonely}, and {a time capsule for the First Ones’ era}.]
chapter titling
The title begins with a date in the form YYYY Month (D)D. This is a remnant of my habit of writing in my Notes app, where for reasons of alphabetism this is presented as (Y)YYY (M)M Month (D)D.Then follows the title. Fairly self-explanatory. Where a scene (excluding the pivot, which is not usually numbered) is part of an act, Roman numerals denote its relationship in time to the pivot.Then follows the time reference. This may serve several functions: for me, time-traveller such as I am, it tells me essentially when the scene is. It can also indicate where the scene is [T1 will always be on the flagship, and Post will always be on Etheria]. In the special case of TD/D2, it can also indicate chapter focus.Special cases [Miðanhrim or document chapters] follow different rules, which are also fairly obvious.
There are distinctions between the princess, the Princess, and the sorcerer.
1 - the princess: intrinsic and specialised channeling
General princesses (e.g. Spinnerella) are able to intrinsically (using their own bodies) channel Etheria's magic to a specialised purpose (e.g. creating wind). Being a princess in this way is not heritable - a princess' child has no more chance of being a princess than any other Etherian's - except where a Runestone is involved.
2 - the Princess: Runestones
Elemental Princesses, whose power is enhanced by and attached to a Runestone, are able to channel magic intrinsically but are more likely, due to the greater power, to channel magic extrinsically through their Runestone. Their magic is also specialised. The most important feature of the Runestone is that it grounds the channel, which, as well as increasing the power, means that as long as the Runestone is alive, any child of the Princess will inherit the channel, thus becoming a Princess themself. Multiple Princess parents result in a dual-channeled child, where only one of these channels is passed onto the grandchild.
3: the Princess - land ownership
Because of the physicality of the Runestone, and the sheer power it gives them, Princesses are very likely to own territories. This has built up an association whereby any singular and definitive owner of a territory is known as a Princess (e.g. Entrapta). Entrapta is not a channel of magic, and she has no Runestone, but since she has a firm grip on her own small, rich set of lands, she is among the leaders of Etheria, and is therefore an honourary Princess. (Huntara is not a definitive leader, and Casta already has the title of 'Master of the Guild' - therefore, they are not colloquially known as Princesses.)
4: the sorcerer: a simpler matter altogether
Sorcerers are able to intrinsically channel, with the occasional aid of spell components, an unspecialised form of raw magic. This raw magic is very weak (variably so - the talent of some sorcerers is partially due to the sheer strength of their channeling), but can be improved and made more specific to the sorcerer's own purpose through education, traditionally at the Mystacor colleges. The gene for sorcery follows an autosomal recessive inheritance pattern, but can also arise as a random mutation.
I do actually have canonical backup behind my headcanon that Catra has EDS & co:
- she is consistently portrayed as significantly more flexible than the rest of the cast (counterargument: it's just because she's a cat)- she has a very high pain tolerance. Entrapta literally performs spinal surgery on her while she's awake. (counterargument: local anaesthesia?) (counterargument: SW's abuse taught her to hide her pain)- when Hordak manipulates the atmosphere in his lab, she struggles a lot, to the point of fainting, and he just stands there absolutely fine (ca: hordak doesn't respire or something?)- in D1aC (s5e6-13), she is sitting or lying down disproportionately more than the rest of the cast (ca: idk. this is my most convincing point I think)- piggybacking off that last point, in the whole series, she leans on stuff an awful lot (ca: just because it makes her look cool?)- glimmer's teleport is consistently a problem (ca: she's being dramatic, or again, it's just because she's a cat or something)- she has some sort of allergy to the magic on Krytis (ca: she just has a tickly nose?)- insomnia: s1-3, she, multiple times, exits scenes irritatedly claiming to be {tired} / {going to bed}. s4, she's constantly tired. s5, she's awake while everyone else is asleep. (ca: she's just overworked)- in the Northern Reach, she's the only one to complain about the cold (until Scorpia does right at the end). (ca: everyone was cold and catra was being dramatic)Bear in mind, as well, that this is all influenced by my own confirmation bias. I decided that my version of Catra had EDS before I noticed any of these details (barring, of course, the teleportation and insomnia because those are obvious).
Is this work beta-ed?
I find the tags like 'no beta we die like Angella' very funny. However, approximately 50% of the chapters have been read through (not commented on, aside from, for example, major grammatical errors (which were in fact, I would like to add, simply very long strings of subordinate clauses, and not actually grammatically incorrect, although I did remove them)) by my sister. In addition, I edit every chapter prior to uploading, and am constantly making edits to existing chapters. In addition, one may argue that my-current-self is beta-reading for myself-eleven-months-ago? (We do have markedly different styles.)In conclusion... maybe?(?)(as much as I would like to put a comedy tag, I feel that that would be lying, but that it would also be lying to claim that the work has actually been beta-read)(so)In conclusion, "Schrodinger's beta we die like Angella."
An effective grasp on swearing is, according to many people, important. So.
This could've probably been a random note at the end of a chapter. Adora never uses strong swear words. When angry or upset she will swear mildly, and in all other situations, will borrow from Bow's excellent vocabulary of substitutes.Bow has not used a swear word in his life, because George and Lance (who, similarly, abstain) disapprove of it. He tends to get really rather stressed, though, and will string together substitutes; he feels that using just one at once is a little too forceful.Catra swears with reckless abandon, and it suits her.Glimmer really wants to be the sort of person that suits swearing-with-reckless-abandon, but she either forgets to at all or does it far too much and ineffectively.Perfuma (and the whole of Plumeria) have a rather lax social policy on swearing. Perfuma tends not to, but this is only because she worked out all her teenaged angst when she ran away, changed her name to Persephone, worked as a farmer, swore a lot, and partied.Scorpia might just implode if she actually processed a swear word. For this reason they are censored in her perspective.Frosta swears, often and very ineffectively, for the sole reason that she is a Teenager, and gathers that swearing is an accepted occupation for Teenagers.Entrapta has no reservations about swearing but prefers to use scientific language. It surprises everyone when she offhandedly swears.Horde Prime built politeness into the clones' genome. They do not swear. Wrong Hordak tried, once, and it upset him.Spinny, Netty, Micah, Juliet, etc are sensible adults about the whole matter: they know when and how to sparingly swear, and, more importantly, when not to. I will be adding more essays as I write them
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
[Simulation: In which Catra follows Glimmer into the storeroom after dinner, 27/8/1002. Basically, the evening of Teleport III]
"You'd better not be giving Adora shit for caring about me." Glimmer spins around."What do you mean?" "I mean what I said. If Adora wants to make sure I'm OK, which I am so don't you start, that's got nothing to do with you." "Or what? I have a right to tell Adora she's being ridiculous. Her fault if she takes it personally." "Well, you're a nosy asshole, and it's your fault if you take that personally." Catra turns to leave as Glimmer says, "Oh, wow, that's real classy. No wonder Adora likes you." Catra turns back around."Believe it or not, Adora has a life outside of you and your stupid fucking Rebellion. Eighteen years of it." "Eighteen years of abuse, and you did bugger all to help. You'd think she'd have had enough of being locked up somewhere with you." "Locked up?! Adora's choosing to stay with me! You think I have the capacity to keep her anywhere?"Catra realises what she has just said. Glimmer does not. "Well, you could have fooled me! Anyway, I'm getting out bread for tomorrow's breakfast, so if you'd let me do that, that would be great. See you tomorrow. Or not. Whatever." "If you're rude to Adora again-" "Yeah, yeah, I won't live to regret it, I get the picture. Good night."
[Simulation: In which the chip removal gives Catra a CSF leak. Really boring (she just has an excruciating headache until like 3 months into T3, and everything S5E6 happens without her while she's lying in a dark tent in the corner of camp), except for Shadow Weaver's reaction.]
I'm sitting on a crate by the camp entrance, steadily working through another vintage bottle that I found in the arse end of nowhere, when the Queen's rescue team arrive back from wherever they'd been. 'The cosmos'. I don't find myself liking the subject. First to walk in, as I'd known it would be, is Glimmer. Talented sorcerer, but too proud for her own good. She's grinning smugly, so - yes, following her is her boy. Then, Perfuma - what a shame. I'd hoped she'd have died in the ten minutes she spent outside camp. The same goes for Netossa, because fuck her. Do I need a reason to hate people? Absolutely not. I have a feeling I'd get on with the woman if I tried, but who cares if I do or not? I don't care. I don't need friends. Netossa's dragging with her the short purple one - the one with the hair. Fuck her, too. She stole my position with Hordak. I realise I'm being unnecessarily rude. Good. The alcohol is doing its job. I can't be sober for the end of the world - oh, come on, Reader, we all know it's true. Whatever we try is going to do bugger-all against what's-his-name. The big green one. The next thing I see is unexpected. It's She-Ra, cradling Catra like a newborn. Catra's wrapped in a blanket - not dead; her feet are curled in pain and her head (short hair, now) is left uncovered, although she's hidden her face in She-Ra's shoulder. Finally. Catra's dying. I sometimes wonder if any of the other EXP351s would have annoyed me as much - if Fate lumbered me with the worst-behaved of the lot being the healthiest. Well - 'health' is relative. Catra's lifespan's been forty times that of EXP351/01 (and I'd actually liked that baby), but she's always been broken. As Netossa and She-Ra, with Catra, step into the medical room, I am hit with the slow and crushing realisation that She-Ra is Adora. And if Adora's not weeping her soul out, Catra can't be dying. Ah, well. Nothing another drink can't numb away.
[There are two people in my writing that can break the fourth wall - Razz, and drunk Shadow Weaver.]
[Here's a scene I rejected. The title is "Memorial".]
Bow looked up. Adora looked down. Glimmer and Catra stared at each other levelly, the question having drawn the air tense. "I only found out when word got back from our Bright Moon contacts.", replied Catra. "I didn't personally witness it. I had already been..." she searched for Entrapta's lexicon - "... abstracted." Glimmer leaned back into her beanbag."Can you explain your thought process at the time?" "I was initially under the impression that the machine would create a portal that would bring the Horde to victory. But then Entrapta told us-" "Who's 'us'?" "Me and Scorpia. Hordak was busy. Anyway, she told is it would destroy reality. I didn't really trust her, but that's not important, because either concept was fine with me. But-" "Oh, yeah? Genocide with a side of either victory or death? Same thing, why not!" Catra took a deep breath. Just this once was Glimmer perfectly justified in mocking her."But I never intended to kill some people and leave others alive. I don't like mourning." "Weird philosophy." "In the Horde, if a whole unit went missing, that was fine. That was a part of war. If one person died - often in a staged suicide - you knew it was a punishment from higher up. For them and for their friends." "You need therapy." "Improve your kingdom's psychiatric service then. It's frankly shit. But that's not my point. My point is that I deeply, deeply regret causing the death of your mother." "OK. I don't forgive you, though." Catra didn't mind. She knew she'd done some unforgivable things. If the spiritualist community were right and there was a hell, she was sure she had a place already booked.
[Catra doesn't really mean her fourth line in the general sense that she says it in. What she means is, 'I intended to kill myself and Adora at the same time', but obviously she can't say that.]
[Another rejected scene! This one is in Catra's office. The title is "Huntara".]
"Glad that's sorted, then.", said Huntara, closing the thick folder and putting it back in her bag. "Sorry, again, about the whole... mess in the Crimson Waste." "Well, as I said, this bit of paperwork should clear up the last of it." "Bye, then." Huntara doesn't get up. It's hard to tell - her face is permanently in a mean expression - but she looks a little concerned."I've seen you and Adora around." "And?" "You're dating, right?" "In a manner of speaking."Catra doesn't really think it's still dating, when they've been living together for eight months. "If there's anything you need to talk about, I know a guy for anything. Therapy, assassination, lawsuit, whatever. Or you can talk to anyone." "What?" "There are some things that can be very hard to-" Catra's hand goes to the bruise on her forehead. She'd forgotten it was there."Are you seriously- I fell and hit my head on a table! Adora told me you hated her, but you seriously think she'd hurt me?" "Wouldn't put it past her." "Get out." "Oh. Right. Bye then."Huntara stands, picking up her bag, and glares down at Catra. "Fuck you.", mutters Catra sharply. Huntara tenses."Are you trying to start a fight? Because-" "Oh, I wouldn't. You've met Adora, I presume?"Catra smiles at Huntara, who storms out.
[Here's the original Porcelain II (27/6/1002), including two perspectives! I rejected this one after I decided I preferred the one with the tremor. In retrospect, this scene also fits into Hesitant and You Drew Stars/Cicatrices.]
Adora clips the paper back into its folder and stands up."Wow, we must be passing close to a star. It's hot." I put my book aside."You could take your clothes off." She smiles at me. It's almost pitying."No. Not now." She sits down next to me and puts her arm around me, carefully. I hug her back, tightly."Hug me properly.", I mumble. "What do you mean?" "Properly.", I repeat, and hug her even tighter to demonstrate. "I don't want to hurt you." There it is again. "You won't."She doesn't seem to hear. I think, for a moment, then gather my wits."Adora, if I asked you to do something, you'd do it, right?" "Within reason."She gently twirls strands of my hair around her fingers. "Well, hug me. I don't care if it hurts. I want it to hurt. So I know it's real." She moves away, looking panicked."No."She's breathing shallowly."No." I stare at her for a second, then lightly punch her on the shoulder."Go on, hit me back.", I say. "You wouldn't have hesitated a couple weeks ago." "I'm not going to hurt you."She's considering me carefully, eyes shining blue and skating over my face and my hand, which is still in a fist. Perhaps she's about to report me gone insane. "Treat me like a person, Adora.", I plead. "I'm not breakable. I'm the same as I was. Stop trying to help. Stop being scared to touch me. I'm fine."The last statement is rather at cross-purposes with the tears that are running down my face. She hugs me, properly. "You wouldn't have hesitated a couple weeks ago." That's true. Glimmer even noticed it, and she's not winning any medals for observancy. I suppose it's because we spent our childhood fighting for fun. "I'm not going to hurt you.", I say to her. That's always been true - aside from the war - but applies moreso now that I know what she's going through. It terrifies me. She's about to start crying. I want to hold her hand, but it's still balled up in a fist. "Treat me like a person, Adora."Have I not been doing so?"I'm not breakable. I'm the same as I was."I only wanted to help. I only wanted to make it better."Stop trying to help. Stop being scared to touch me."I can't just stop being scared."I'm fine."Am I the problem? Yes, I think I am. It hurts to realise.
[Yet another rejected scene! (This one actually started out as a simulation but then I decided I liked it but then I decided I didn't like it.) Here's "Dinner -IV" from D1aC. I thought it was a bit too heavy-handed, so replaced it with scene 1b in Priorities.]
Netossa and I are patrolling the outside of the cave. Adora, I know, is doing nothing for the next hour. It's perfect. It takes me a good three minutes of pulling on my wrist - Melog looking at me curiously the whole time - for my shoulder to dislocate. I bite my lip to silence the initial slight shock of pain. Then, I realise, I should probably be going about this a bit more convincingly."Ow!"For all my skill at lying, I don't think I'm a great actor. Or, so I think. Netossa looks suitably worried as she runs over to me. "You alright, Catra?" Story. Quick."I was just climbing a tree - try to see a but further around - and I hurt my shoulder."I sound like a child, don't I? "Mau."I briefly contemplate telling Melog to shut the fuck up, before remembering that no-one else can understand it. "Ooh. That looks dislocated. Let's head back inside." Inside is where Adora is. Adora's healing. That's what Sparkles said. I don't want her to fix my shoulder - I want her to fix whatever the hell else it is that's wrong with me. On the plus side, I've become very good at hiding really fast. On the minus side, not good enough. Scorpia was starting to notice before she left. Only dared mention it once, though. Shadow Weaver's there, watching the door. She doesn't say anything - just picks up her wine glass. Probably enjoying the view of me, broken. Netossa sits me down in the medical room."I'm going to pop the joint back in. This is going to really hurt, for a minute." I nod. She puts one hand on my collarbone and the other on my upper arm. Really, the most uncomfortable thing right now is her fingers so close to my neck. I'm still not used to the scar. My shoulder clunks, rather viscerally."Well, that was easy. I can get She-Ra to heal the soft tissue for you. I'll just go see if she's free." The medical room is quiet and peaceful. I'd quite like it, if I didn't hate the implications of my being here. Broken. As I'd known she would be, Adora is free. She sits in the chair next to me, and smiles."You've been fighting?" "Uh, yeah. No. Fell. Out of a tree."From behind Adora, Netossa gives me a look. I know what it means, and she's wrong. I don't like Adora. She reaches up the hold my shoulder, but stops an inch short."Can I?" "Yes." Adora's so gentle, I can barely feel her fingertips on my skin over the dull ache in my entire right side. Slight drawback of my method - I ended up wrenching my elbow, wrist, and collarbone, too. Her eyes turn bright blue, and I look away. I don't like that colour on her. The healing feels like... not much, to be honest. It still hurts the exact same. All that's different is that the golden light sets the whole room spinning. I'm too warm. My vision blurs. And then the light stops, and I'm left pretending to look like I'm not about to fall off the chair. "Better?"It sounds like Adora's still smiling. I can't turn my head to actually see her face. I can hear my heartbeat, racing, louder than I can hear my voice."Yes." Netossa's knelt down in front of me. Do I really look that bad? I try to open my eyes wider. Lift my head. Smile, unless it looks awful, in which case, don't smile. Does it look awful? How should I know?"You should stay here for an hour or so to recover. Hate to ask in your free time, Adora, but could you take the patrol?" "Yeah, sure." As soon as Adora leaves, Netossa gives me another scrutinising stare."You look dizzy." "I'm not." "Mau." She pulls out a strange contraption, the wide band of which she wraps around my good arm, and starts pressing on the little bulb."Is it the same as when Glimmer teleports?" I hate that I'm that obvious. But I enjoy the fact that she's wrong; it's not the same - the teleport feels like this, plus my skeleton being rearranged."No."The band around my arm is uncomfortably tight. I'm not sure what she thinks she's playing at. "Do you get dizzy often?" "No." "Mau." Netossa raises an eyebrow at Melog. Is it annoying her? Or has she clocked that it's my own personal lie detector? The band around my arm decompresses with a hiss, and Netossa looks at the little dial on it."Hmm.", she says. Nothing else. She reaches toward my wrist, and I flinch away. Momentarily, she looks sort-of sad."Can I take your pulse?" "Why.", I ask, flatly. This is all nonsense. I don't trust Netossa. "I'd like to know your heart rate." "I don't see how this relates to my now-healed shoulder." She sighs. Good. That means I'm being difficult."It doesn't. But you're clearly not well. For a start, the malnutrition is obvious. And then there's your apparent allergy to magic. I'm not joking - I've worked in hospitals, so I know someone about to faint when I see them - and that's every time you're teleported, or healed, or whatever. And, yes, I did ask Bow, and he told me everything he could remember." "Wow. I didn't know I had a stalker." She sighs, again."Look - just take my advice, OK? Drink more water, rest more, and eat something for Pete's sake. You always disappear at mealtimes." Because Shadow Weaver's there. Why doesn't anyone see the problem? Adora's the only one that understands. She brings me food - she knows the sorts of places I go to hide. Adora doesn't ask stupid questions when I get teleported, either. Just holds my hand until I can see and hear again. I don't think she knows I can't see or hear - or balance myself, for that matter - but that's fine with me. She doesn't need to know.
[Simulation, the request for which was provided by LockeHeart12: In which the Best Friends Squad and Mermista and Perfuma visit the Crimson Waste in T3 (March 1002) in order to extend its habitable area inward, because ex-Horde soldiers keep arriving in the border villages and it's getting crowded.]
[The perspective is with Catra.]
I forgot how much I hated the Crimson Waste. It was fun, sure - the first time, at least - but the feeling of being constantly overheated is unbearable. And I can't quite catch my breath, ever - the air's too hot. It seems as though all the oxygen's floated out of it. I'm kind-of floating, out of it, right now - I want to lie down. I shouldn't. It's the middle of the day. This is ridiculous. Adora enters our tent, bringing a slight breeze from outside with her. It clears my head a bit."Hey, Adora." "Hey."She's all red in the face: she's been helping the rest of the camp set up. It was Adora who'd told me not to help out like everyone else, and I couldn't really disagree with her. It's not fair that no-one else teleports as badly as me."You alright? Did you have a nap?" "Yeah."How long has it been that I've been sitting here? We arrived at one-fifteen, and had something for lunch I can't remember, and now it's... I don't know. I don't wear a watch. "We had a quick meeting, like, half and hour ago. Just... general stuff. I didn't want to wake you up. And... y'know, Mermista."Oh boy, do I know Mermista. We've been making snide comments at each other since yesterday - nothing outright, but it's painfully obvious that we're not going to be getting along. "She started it." Adora grins. A memory stirs in the back of my mind. Hey, Octavia! You're a dumb-face!"Anyway, if you're feeling OK, we're going to go out and do some prep work before we actually start tomorrow. It's totally fine if you need to stay here, though. There's no pressure." Everyone says there's no pressure. It doesn't stop them from seeing you as weak."No, I'm fine."I get up - shit shit shit, too fast, I can't see, my knees are giving out - and I'm outside, somehow. Is Adora here? Adora's here. The picture assimilates itself. It's late afternoon. There's a big table in the middle, and four tents around it. The Bright Moon delegates' tents are pink-and-purple. Perfuma's is a nice floral print, although those actually might be dried flowers stuck to it. Mermista's looks the most out of place here: the fabric is dark green, thin and shiny, and clearly meant for a wetter climate because it's shrivelled at the edges. The camp itself is in the middle of a huge dead expanse. We'll actually be working closer to the border villages but, for fear of attack, we're sleeping well away. Within minutes, the whole party is sitting at the table. Sparkles takes charge."Right, then. We have about two hours before dark. So what we wanted to find were any nearby water source, and some slightly more agreeable cacti. That it?"Everyone seems to agree."I say we split into teams of two. We-" "I'll take Bow.", interrupts Mermista. Perfuma sighs irritatedly."Bow is much more suited, I feel, to the delicate art of floristry." "Bow is going to stay here and cook dinner.", declares Sparkles, putting a protective arm around him. "Don't I get a say in-" "No.", chorus the three Princesses. It takes some effort not to start laughing. Mermista tips her chair back onto two legs, and then one. It balances well. She's clearly practised."Then am I having you or you?", she asks, pointing at Adora and then Sparkles. "Well.", begins Perfuma, in a tone of voice I'm not sure I like, putting her hands together like she's either praying or scheming."I was thinking, it's high time to build some bridges between old enemies. The atmosphere of emnity th-" "Oh, no, absolutely n-" -=-=-=- And that's how I end up trekking through the Crimson Waste with Mermista, of all people. Adora and Perfuma are probably having a lovely time. I'm just trying not to notice the mean glances that Mermista's sending at Melog and I. We're wandering through the fissures in the landscape, because that's where water is most likely to be; with stone walls on either side, and blanketed by shadow, it's also a lot cooler down here, and I can walk and think at the same time. Mermista's shoe sends a rock skittering in my direction. "Watch it.", I snap. Melog growls. "That was an accident."She hasn't had new nail polish in a while. The black colour's grown out quite a distance."I don't tend to go round attacking people just for kicks, you'll notice." "I don't tend to drown two whole Forces in an hour. There were four twelve-year-olds-" "And the children your robots massacred don't matter? What, 'cause they're sea elves? Are their lives-" "The difference is, you could have stopped any minute. If I gave the order to retreat I would be dead right now." "More of my people would have died if I'd stopped. So many more. We're on the brink of collapse as it i- fuck! Shit. Oh, fffuck. No - no, it's not a liquid - agh! Don't just stand there! Fucking help me!" I shake myself out of my shock and crouch down, carefully feeling out the floor in front of me so that I don't end up in the quicksand too. I shouldn't have missed the Crimson Waste module of Force Captain Orientation. Scorpia told me there's a protocol for quicksand, but it's completely abandoned me. Something about rolling on the floor? No, that's fire. Mermista's nearly up to her waist now, struggling to get free and scrabbling at the surface with her hands. What I can see of her legs has taken on a weird fish-scale texture. Must be a Salineas thing. Entrapta would be fascinated. I grab under her shoulder and pull upwards, and Melog takes the other side, but we're not making much difference, and the effort makes my vision falter. I half-collapse back, sitting on the floor, and try to get back to reality. It's drifting further away. A voice echoes somewhere in the distance."What the hell are you doing? Look - if you can't actually help, just call Glimmer!" Glimmer? Glimmer isn't going to help anything. There's sand under my hands. Where's Scorpia? Where's Kyle? "Mau."Quicksand is a suspension. Something dim lights up in my mind, and I find that I can speak, although my voice is jarringly loud, like a bell-tower in my head."Water. There's water." "No! There's not! We're in the fucking desert! Snap out of it! Get Glimmer!"Mermista is visible again, if only as a colourless, trembling shape. "Water in the quicksand." Mermista tugs one trapped hand free with an angry yell. She holds it up in the air, and from the quicksand pool follows a stream of yellowish - or that might just be all the colour I can see - water. Melog helps to dig her out, assisted by the water which holds the loose sand out of the way, and soon she's lying on the floor, gasping."Th- thank you. But - the fuck was - that? Could you have been - any less helpful?" "Yeah. Could have left you there."I've suddenly swung from feeling much to warm to having goosebumps on my arms. Everything's clearer now, at least. "No, I mean, seriously, was that a panic attack or what? I was the one about to die." "I'm fine.", I say tersely. I just want her to shut up. Melog grows in size and I climb on, gesturing for Mermista to follow, and she does. It takes about ten minutes to get to camp. The smell of dinner cooking is making me feel sick, and I'm just about to go straight to bed, when Mermista shakes my hand."Thank you.", she says genuinely. "Thank you for helping me." I nod - I'm not used to being thanked for anything. Is there an accepted response? I don't want to get it wrong, so I stay silent. Mermista seems to understand. She turns, and walks over to where Sparkles and her boy are cooking, announcing, "We found water! Kind of." It's surprisingly cool in the tent. Adora's already there, reading one of her old books. I nestle next to her. "Hey. Perfuma had an... um... altercation with a cactus. Anyway, we had to give up early." "Oh."Adora's warmth is comforting - not the stifling sort that the outdoors is."I rescued Mermista. She fell in quicksand." "I jumped in quicksand once." I trace the symbols on the page. Adora's tried to teach me First Ones, but I can only pick out an /a:/ here and a /t/ there. None of the grammar's sunk in yet, either."Typical." "Mermista's a good friend when you get to know her. She pretends to be all detached, but she cares really."Adora brushes the hair off my forehead."Which sounds kind of familiar to me." "Hm."I'm too tired to think properly. But I almost get what she's saying.
[Tinner! A simulation in which the Dinner act does not happen (and therefore the Gossip act does not happen), so Teleport I serves the same function as Dinner I, where it's the first time in D2 that Catra faints in front of anyone except Adora.
Everything else (Frienemy, Mouse, ME/CC, Notos etc) goes the same, except that {in Teleport, Catra isn't moved to the med room immediately, because it's the first time Netty's actually handled a faint} and {Team Darla stays out in space until their projected time of January}.
At the point that this scene happens, we're about two weeks after Teleport.]
"You're acting different.", says Glimmer. Catra stops drying the plate she's holding."No, I'm not." "Yeah, you are, since the... since Virelia."Glimmer continues washing up, as if she doesn't know the line she's just overstepped."You're well-er." "If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with Adora."A tiny piece chips off the plate with the force that Catra puts it in the drying-rack with, but neither notice. "You're shutting yourself off again." "Fuck off, Sparkles." "You know, I'm starting to think that Scor-" "Fine."Catra snatches the still-soapy mug from Glimmer's hands and starts to haphazardly dry it."Fine. You don't know where to stop, do you? I'm acting 'well' because Adora's treating me like I'm made of glass. I'm on, like, four different meds. I'm wearing compression socks, and a knee thing, and an elbow thing, right now. So, yeah, I'm acting 'well'. Doesn't mean I am. You happy with that? Or do you want to hear-" "Yeah, I'm happy for you. I'm glad you're managing."Glimmer's smile is genuine. "Fuck you."Catra slams the mug and tea-towel onto the worksurface and storms out.
[The point of Tinner is to challenge the fact that the Gossip act paints Glimmer as an antagonist - but she's not. She has legitimate reason to act the way she does in Gossip.
After Shadow Weaver, Glimmer won't believe things unless she can see them in front of her. In the normal progression of D2, this does not mesh well with Catra's masking - aside from moments like Dinner, where it's truly out of her control, Catra does not allow Glimmer to believe that she is ill, and therefore Glimmer just does not understand why Adora is so preoccupied with Catra: her feelings over this preoccupation manifest as her actions in Gossip.
But in Tinner, crucially, Catra isn't moved immediately to the med room. The whole team sees her lying screaming on the control room floor for a good few minutes. This confronts Glimmer with the reality of the situation, which provides us with her genuine reaction to the situation, undiluted by her own jealousy over Adora or Catra's lying.]
[I might write some more scenes in the Tinner sim at some point.]
[Rejected third scene of Oh How the Tables]
Catra walked into the bedroom, leaning lopsidedly on one crutch."Are you having a shower or a bath?" "No - you don't need to d-"Adora was interrupted by a bout of coughing."Don't need to do anything special." "Nonsense. I'm just going to do a bath 'cause it's more fun. If you don't like it, write to the complaints department."She pointed at the rubbish bin. "No, no Catra serio-"Another round of coughing. Adora really, really didn't want Catra to catch this, because the last time Catra had a cough she kept slipping the same rib, and that was a whole painful mess to deal with. Something fell over and hit the floor - "I'm good that was just the shower stool stop worrying about me.", called Catra - and then the bath started running. Adora might have gone to sleep at that point - she wasn't sure how long it was before suddenly the sound stopped, and then Catra was standing in front of her. "Can you walk okay, or..."It seemed that Catra was struck by an idea. While Adora sat up, rubbing her eyes, she hobbled round to her side and grabbed the other crutch in the pair, and then returned and held it out to Adora. "I don't need that." Catra smiled down at her."Yeah, but this is your day-in-the-life-of-me, so." "Who said that?", asked Adora, standing up and leaning the crutch against her bedside table. "I did."Catra giggled."Which makes me She-Ra now. Oh, how the turns have tabled - I'm magic." Adora started undressing."I think that would be a very bad idea." "I'll let Sparkles know. She'll be thrilled. Wait, what do you think my sword would look like?" "Umm..."Adora got into the bath. It was lovely and warm."I'm not even sure you'd have a sword. One of the last She-Ras had a-"She cut off, coughing."- a dragon and not a horse." Catra sat down next to the bathtub, leaning against the side."So theoretically, I could have, like, a bunch of magic throwing stars?" "Yeah, maybe." "Okay, so how about a huge magic sculpture of a di-" "No!"Adora threw a handful of water at her."I say this with the full authority of She-Ra - no. Not even a possibility." "You're so boring."
[A little argument from the original version of Dinner II]
"Don't scare me like that!", exclaims Adora. "I told you to let me know if you're feeling dizzy. It's safer, for one thing, and for another, you won't have me and Netty kneeling on the hard floor - at this rate my knees'll be worse than yours." "Sorry.", Catra mutters. "It's - it's okay. Just tell me. Please. And - you need to care a bit more about yourself, because I feel like I'm shouldering a lot of that right now." "You could just not." "And then where would you be? Someone's got to care about you." "Don't. Just don't. Just - stop it. Stop caring so much. You should - you should - you should hate me. 'Cause I'm the villain, aren't I? I hurt so many people. I don't think it's doing much for She-Ra's reputation, is it, fucking the enemy?" Adora is brushing through Catra's hair with her fingers."I know you don't feel well, but that's not an excuse to hurt me or yourself." "I said go away." "No." "Don't tell me you actually want to be here." "I do. Really, actually, I do want to be here." "No, you don't. I'm about as useful as a baby right now. This isn't-" "I genuinely don't know what you mean." "I mean, you had to undress me and put me to bed. And at dinnertime, you're going to make me soft bland food and watch me not eat it. And I'm going to wake up at 3AM again and do you get the picture? I'm worse than a six-month-old. I can't sit up." "Today's just a bad day." Catra sighs."Sorry. Sorry. Don't go away." "You need to sleep." "Yeah. Sorry."
[Little rejected scene called 'The Letter II' - 5th August 1005: Catra is currently in the hospital, 2 days before she gets a GJ tube]
Adora.
That's what the topside of the folded paper says - my name, in slightly wobbly First Ones. I was really just looking for a specific spreadsheet for Bow, that Catra's been working with recently, but the paper piques my curiosity. It's a letter - the rest of it's in normal Etherian, albeit in a tiny script, so that the page is a dense block of text, and written in wavering lines where a ruler might have come in useful.
Dear Adora,
I love you and I am so sorry.
I stop reading. I know what this is. I contemplate putting it back - and she'll never know I read it - or I could tear it up, that seems like a good idea - but I pause, and sit down.
There was never going to be enough time to
I rush out of the study, leaving the chair knocked over, the drawer open, and the letter on the desk.
[one of my original scene ideas for the TD->Post transition]
Distracted by the fact that she was scanning the crowds' heads for that familiar blonde mop, Scorpia bumped into someone."Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, I - wildcat! Haven't had a chance to speak to you yet. How was the trip?" "Oh, uh, great." "That's so nice to hear. Seph was telling me she wouldn't have enjoyed it at all. Where's Adora? How did Adora find it?" "Who's Seph?" "Is Adora not with you?" Catra waved a hand behind her."I think she's over there somewhere. Who's Seph?" "Oh! Yeah. Forgot you didn't know. That's Perfuma's nickname from when she was a teenager. Perfuma's my girlfriend now, can you believe that?" "Yes, I can. I'm j-" "So how did Adora find the trip?" "How am I supposed to know?" "Did she not tell you? You're dating, right? C'mon, it's obvious." "Yeah, but-" "So?" "I don't know, ask her." "Are you okay? You seem angry." "I'm fine." Scorpia started waving madly."Oh, look, here's Seph! Seph, Catra's here!" Perfuma wandered over."Nice to see you again, Catra."She held out a hand, which Catra shook quickly. "Yeah, you too, Perfuma. Look, I've got a meeting or something in five minutes so I've got to go. Bye." "There aren't any meetings. It's a public holiday.", pointed out Scorpia. Catra left anyway.
[Here's one, Secret (December 1000), that I rejected because it toes a weird line of either being way too obvious or way too subtle (I can't tell) and it's also a massive red herring. Which I generally enjoy, but I feel like Entrapta wouldn't be one to get her hypotheses so flagrantly wrong]
[Scorpia]
"This is taking ages."Catra speaks in a monotone, staring flatly at Entrapta, who's soldering something green to a bunch of wires. Sometimes, I think to myself, it might be worth learning what they all do, but then I remember that I am me, who finds handicrafts naturally very difficult, and lose interest. "I'll probably be another -" Entrapta lifts her visor, frowns at a scrap of metal, tosses it over her shoulder, and lowers her visor - "two hours or so." "Great."Catra stalks over to the door."Keep the noise down. You two chatter like pensioners." "You're so tired all the time, wildcat.", I comment. Catra bristles."If you could solve problems for yourself for once, we'd all be a bit better rested." Entrapta and I are left in silence. Over the last several months, Entrapta, who previously made no effort to initiate conversation, has started to imitate my wordy habits. Somehow I still don't know much more about her, but I do know a lot about precisely why, at a conceptual level, everything doesn't actually exist. Or, at least, I'm led to believe this. I think. Physics is hard. "Oh, I've just been reminded. Can you find something for me?", she asks. "Sure, what?" "An exact diagram and instructional on the Etherian heart. Non-pathological, that is. And, um, anything about congenital abnormalities. Cardiac ones." I stop examining the pieces she has already built, and look at her, as if she might deign to clarify via sign language, or something."What?" She doesn't look up."A picture of a heart, with words next to it." "No, I know what you want, but why?" "Eh, Hordak wants to know something. I can't tell you. You'd jeopardise it." "Come on. There isn't anything you can tell me?"I grin at her, and pull out my greatest weapon."Best friends always tell the truth." She sets down her torch so as to consider for a moment."Well, I can tell you about two previous, complete experiments. EXP-351/01 and EXP-351/02. Both babies, died very young, of wrong-plumbed, uh... organs, I guess. Hordak's just wondering - never mind. Can't tell you that bit." "C'mon. I'm really good with secrets." "You wouldn't like this one. I promise, as your best friend, you're happier now." Dang it. She used the best friend line back at me. It's not - for all its moral significance - that it holds any particular control over me, but that since it means so much to her, she'll never be convinced to tell me now.
[Heard that morally ambiguous heroes are popular, so here's a sim called Aesc. set in mid to late Post]
[Glimmer.]
9:48 PM Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit it's so loud here I can't fucking think. Right. Teleporting back to my office. I overshoot a bit - end up somewhere in the Bright Moon gardens - but at least it's peaceful here. I sit down on the ground where I am and think. Three Elementals loose in Alwyn, searching for... searching for what? It's got to be First Ones tech, because I can't think of any magical ties Alwyn has, really. Then, in that case, we need Entrapta to have a look at the comms pillar in the middle of the town. But first we have to deal with the actual giant tech monsters - and that's She-Ra's job. I warp into Adora's house."Holy shit Adora there are three Elementals in Alwyn we really n..."I trail off. Adora's practically cradling Catra, and glaring at me."Go. Away. Glimmer.", she hisses. "Catra's having a really bad time, and I just got her to sleep. Could you please leave us alone?" "People's houses are being destroyed. An old woman has had her leg crushed. We need She-Ra."I go to grab Adora to teleport her, but she pulls away from me."Adora, you're being selfish right now. She-Ra is the only one that can calm down Elementals." Catra tucks her head in closer to Adora and whines. Adora's thumb runs gently over Catra's ear, not matching her sharp tone."I'm not leaving. Maybe you should just kill the Elementals. Entrapta told me she wanted to study one." I step back."That's not like you, Adora. In fact, you know what? You've changed. We're gonna have a little talk about that tomorrow. And then you're gonna explain to the people of Alwyn exactly why you didn't come to their rescue."And then I teleport immediately to Salineas. Mermista'll be able - and willing - to help out.
[was that the kind of moral ambiguity people like or not]
[quick fluffy rejected scene to balance that last one out]
[the song is Rose by The Oh Hellos]
[Adora]
"... we've got a lot of breaking left to do. And even under any other creed, the crucifix and the hangman, they both agree; change comes so cheaply to those of us already at the table..." After waiting a moment in case she decides to keep singing, I walk into the study."You have a really nice singing voice." Catra hisses at me."I do not." "Then tell me what that just was?" "That was me being bored."To be fair to her, whatever she's doing does look quite boring - some sort of mindfulness colouring, presumably from OT or something. I pull the desk chair over, and sit down, and kiss her cheek."You should be bored more often, then, 'cause that was really pretty." "Absolutely not, Princess."
[rejected scene, end of D2 (September-ish), called Subluxated. No particular reason it was rejected, I just don't like it as much as I could]
[Catra]
I turn a page, and my left wrist does that stabby sort of visceral crunch that tells me something's gone wrong. With my other hand I squash the joint as far as it'll go one way and the other, but it stubbornly refuses to pop back. Then I sharply twist it clockwise, and anticlockwise, and grab the whole hand and yank on it, but all I succeed in doing is intensifying the pain enough that it's now really irritating. Irritating to the point that my eyes are starting to water. Adora might know what to do? Nah. Adora looks absolutely invested in whatever translations she's doing now. Lateral thinking, that's what's important. I mark my page, and lay my hand across my lap, and slam the spine of the book into the wrist. It doesn't work. In fact, it possibly hurts more now. Adora's looking up at me, now, though, so I smile sheepishly at her."Sorry. You carry on. Just trying a thing." She gives me a soft smile."No, it's okay.", she says gently, and comes to sit next to me. She quickly takes the book from me and tosses it toward the end of the bed."Are you feeling alright?" "Yeah. My wrist's fucked itself up, but." "Can I see?" I hold it out, and she touches it so carefully - prompts me to turn my arm over, and her eyes skate over it like she's searching for something. And something about this is weirding me out. "So, what - what were you trying to do?", she asks. "Pop my wrist back in. Are you okay? You look freaked." She looks down."I just... I thought." "Thought what?"And the penny drops."Shit, no, shit, Adora, that wasn't some kind of self-harm thing. I'm fine. I'm okay. Mentally, I mean. Right now. I'm fine." She blinks several times quickly, and then holds her hand out towards me, plastering a smile onto her face."Let me have a feel. I'll see if I can pop it back." "Adora, if you're not feeli-" "Sorry! Sorry. Just - let me do that for you. I'm fine, too. I'm feeling great. I'm..."She sniffs, and wipes one of her eyes with the back of her hand."I'm not doing okay. But I can fix your wrist." "Alright. C'mere. I'm here for you."I wrap her in a hug, and let her fiddle with my wrist - and she's so gentle but it still hurts a lot, but I grit my teeth and stay silent.
[I actually really like this scene (mid T3) and I was going to put it in ME/CC -I before the sudoku scene, except I thought it might be a bit heavy handed. Not rejected because I decided it didn't happen, rejected because it broke how the story works]
[Catra]
I'm not limping I'm not limping I'm not limping. I'm putting the exact same weight through both legs, forcing them to move the exact same. My left hip is clicking weirdly with each step but I can ignore it I'm not limping I'm not limping I'm n Down a step, and it shoots up my ankle and to my knee. I hide my gasp with a giggle, and then try to forget I have a left leg at all. "What?", says Adora fuzzily. It's like I'm inside a metal box and she's outside it. I throw out a pre-programmed answer - "Just thought of something funny.", my mouth says - and get back to focusing on not limping. I am normal. I am fine. I can walk. I can walk. Adora's hand curls around mine, and I won't let it break the walls, I can't have anything touching me or I'll remember I exist. But I can't just reject her for no good reason, so I let my hand do whatever it's doing now, and cut that limb off too. "Are you alright?", asks the muted version of Adora. I want so badly to say no. I want to say what the fuck is wrong with me? Fix me. Make it stop., but I can't, so I end up replying, " 'Course. Did you hear back from Perfuma yet?" "Uh, I don't think so.", she says, just as I take a wrong step and my hip goes clunk and my vision disappears. Just for a second. I stay on my feet. I stay steady. Adora's looking at me weird, though. I smile at her."Sorry. Tired. Maybe we should go back inside." And her mouth moves, but I can't hear what she's saying, and then we're heading back to the palace.
[here's the original version of Dream VI or whatever number it is. the one in 1009]
[Catra.]
There are people, too many people altogether, milling around the Bright Moon ballroom. It's a party of some sort - there are banners on the walls, and light music is playing.
Adora is somewhere, obscured by the crowd. Catra, less of a fan of socialisation, is sitting by the side. At some point fairly soon, Adora will come back. Adora worries too much to leave Catra alone for very long.
Someone, a stranger, approaches Catra. He is holding two glasses, and offers her one. She ignores him.
"Enjoying the party?", he asks. He puts the glass down on the empty chair nearest to Catra.
"Yes."
"You should come meet my buddies. They're great guys. We all do landscaping, you know."
"No, I'm fine."
"Could head out to the gardens. I can teach you all about gardening."
Catra unbrakes her wheels.
"I said, no."
He leans over her, one hand on the wall.
"Pretty thing like you shouldn't be all alone."
He's wedged his shoe against the footplate. Catra can't move. His breath smells of alcohol.
" 'Specially since you can't run away."
--- Catra wakes up in a cold sweat, heart wobbling like a jack-in-the-box. It's just past 3AM. Adora is fast asleep.
[little sim called Sensorycat]
[see the more I go into 'catra is an actual cat' the more it turns into 'catra is neurodivergent' which wasn't the intention but I am led to believe it supports the running popular theory on cats in general]
[Adora]
"Right, you just need to put on these headphones and glasses, and there are some environmental features that need adjusting, but then you'll be able to see the works just like Catra does.", babbles Entrapta. "Minus the chronic illness, which I would simulate, only I'm trying to teach Hordak some ethics." Catra rolls her eyes - and possibly makes a face, but I can't see it because she and Entrapta are both wearing these funny masks, to protect them from whatever's being done to me. It's making me very nervous, to be honest, and I don't quite trust Entrapta's 'sure it's safe! I tested it on Emily!', because, may I remind you, Emily. Is a robot. But, regardless, I put on the glasses and headphones, and let Entrapta turn on the scary air diffuser. Instantly, everything is grey and blue. Entrapta's purple hair is suddenly a dull blue, my red t-shirt is sludge grey, and Catra's brown trousers look unpleasantly dusty. The prettiest thing is her eyes: the left is luminous yellow, and the right is the brightest blue thing in the room - and, really, they look the same as ever, but it's different when everything else is muted. "What do you think, Princess?"I wince and very nearly bring my hands up to my ears. Catra's voice just sounds wrong. A little too high-pitched, maybe, but not really? I can't tell. I know I don't like it."Count yourself lucky Entrapta didn't add the tinnitus." "Oh, well, I could do, right now.", says Entrapta, almost unbearably squeakily; Catra grabs her arm and shakes her head. A pungent smell suddenly hits my nose - not bad, per se, just overwhelming - and I cough. Entrapta looks smug over the mask."This is the best approximation I could make of Catra's perception of our combined scents. She would be able to distinguish between them, of course, but you don't have the receptors for that." I pull off the headphones before Entrapta can keep speaking. "Is it really that bad?", asks Catra. Her voice is back to normal, which is excellent, and I smile at her."It's kind of a lot. Like, a lot a lot. How do you put up with it?" Catra shrugs." 'M used to it, I guess. I'd probably get really annoyed at how limited yours is if I tried it." "Don't give her ideas-", I start, but Entrapta's already snatched the headphones and glasses off me, giggling manaically.
[More will be added!]