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Life on Coruscant’s Level 1313 isn’t too glamorous, but don’t tell that to these ladies! Join Clone Wars stars Ahsoka Tano and Asajj Ventress, alongside the Martez sisters as they take on Coruscant’s gritty underworld - breaking laws, glasses, bones and hearts along the way - as a bad-ass girl gang with impeccable style (well, some of them at least)!What adventures await the crew? Robbing Coruscant’s elite? Roughing up spice dealers? Being spice dealers? Roommate drama? Just letting loose at Glup’s Mynock Hole Cantina? Tune in to check out the gang’s vigilantes-for-hire hijinx!
This season on Underworld Divas:
The girls have a shower drain full of hair. Ahsoka unexpectedly reunites with an friend. Ventress brings Lando Calrissian home from the bar. The crew helps with a heist. Ahsoka reveals she is a terrible dancer. Rafa and Ventress find out they’re both sleeping with the same arms dealer. The crew dumps him. The dianoga diaspora is quite large. The ladies make it rain at a strip club. Rafa steals a piece of tech from a high profile senator. Padme flirts and dances with bad boys. She has a type. Ahsoka can’t hold her liquor. Ventress likes hallucinogens. Where's Bariss? How come she never hangs out anymore? Trace gets a girlfriend! It’s not Ahsoka. Trace loses girlfriend. Ahsoka sets Ventress up on a blind date. Plo Koon has drip.
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INT - LIVING ROOM OF A RUN-DOWN, WINDOWLESS APARTMENT ON LEVEL 1313 AHSOKA TANO enters the room to find ASAJJ VENTRESS holding a disgusting clump of wet brown hair. VENTRESS(in an unfriendly voice)Hey roomie, care to explain this? I found it in the shower drain. Ventress plops the disgusting wad of wet hair on the crate the gang uses as a coffee table. AHSOKA(Looking annoyed)Funny, friend, I was about to ask you the same thing! Ahsoka pulls an identical disgusting bundle from the pocket of her denim jumpsuit and tosses it on the table. VENTRESS(raising an eyebrow)Are you trying to pin this on me Tano? I don't even have any hair to shed! AHSOKA(defiant)Oh come on Ventress, you at least have follicles! I read Dark Disciple, I saw that platinum mop on your head! VENTRESS(Getting pissed)Listen Ahsoka t hat hair was a creative liberty by the illustrator!! Besides, I’m goth! Do you really think I’d go bleach blonde with my hair!? Ahsoka glares, knowing Ventress only calls her by her first name when she's looking for a fight. AHSOKA(with venom in her voice)Well, Asajj, if you’d even bothered to read my self-titled YA novel you’d know that Togrutas are so naturally hairless that I don’t even understand hair! VENTRESSYou know I only read vampire novels and cross-stitch blogs! Both women are suddenly startled by a growling coming from the bathroom. They instinctively draw weapons and head down the hall. INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - BATHROOM Ahsoka stands with blaster aimed while Ventress rips back the shower curtain, revealing CHEWBACCA, standing in the shower soaking wet. AHSOKA(surprised)CHEWIE!? Before she can say more, Chewie lunges forward, wrapping Ahsoka in a tight embrace. Ahsoka is left soaked from head to toe. AHSOKA(laughing)It's good to see you, friend, but would it have killed you to blow dry first? What are you doing here anyway? Chewie emits a low growl and shoos the women out of the bathroom, then closes the shower curtain again. AHSOKAUgh my denim jumpsuit is soaked! And I won’t have anything to else to wear until the Siege of Mandalore! Ventress, can I borrow something of yours? INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - LATER Ahsoka, Ventress and Chewiw are gathered in the living room, sharing stories and a few drinks. Ahsoka is in an all black ensemble consisting of fishnets sleeves, leather straps, a long cape and assorted metal bits and bobs. AHSOKAVentress how can you stand these clothes!? So uncomfortable! What is this harness even for? Climbing? VENTRESS(Sarcastically)So Sorry it’s not a brown tube top bra honey! AHSOKA(Irritated)Hey! that tube top was Jedi issue! You think I wanted to look like I was going to a padawan dance all the time? Chewie chuckles just as RAFA and TRACE MARTEZ walk into the apartment. TRACEI see we have an unexpected guest. One of yours, Ventress? Trace gives Ventress a wink. AHSOKANo, this is my friend Chewie. We helped each other out when we were being hunted for sport by Trandoshans. Hey Chewie you wanna stick around a while? You’re pretty good in a scrap. Chewie vocalizes to indicate that he’s open to it. RAFA(slyly)Well, Chewie, we’re short on space, but depending on what you're, uh…(looking him up and down) "working with”… you can stay in my room. Rafa gives Chewie a seductive look. Ahsoka and Trace exchange grossed-out expressions, while Ventress smirks coolly and Chewie’s expression shows equal parts excitement and fear.
RAFA(grinning)What? You all know I like fur.
Ahsoka does her classic eye-roll.
FADE OUT.
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INT. LIVING ROOM OF THE GIRLS' APARTMENT VENTRESS and TRACE are sitting on their threadbare couch sipping hot mugs of caf. VENTRESSYou know who I haven’t seen in forever? Bariss Offee. What ever happened to her? We should invite her out with us to Glup’s one of these nights.
TRACEAre you serious? The Bariss Offee who framed Ahsoka for a terrorist act? Ventress looks confused. TRACELeading to Ahsoka getting kicked out of the Jedi order? Ventress shrugs. TRACEAnd almost convicted for treason and put to death? Ventress looks dubious.
TRACEWho stole your lightsabers and mask and is the reason you and Ahsoka became friends in the first place? VENTRESSHmmm. Doesn’t ring a bell. That sounds like some stuff I’d remember. Do you have her number? I bet Ahsoka would love to see her old best friend! We should surprise her! Trace shakes her head in exasperation.
FADE OUT
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INT. GLUP’S MYNOCK HOLE, A SEEDY CORUSCANT BAR, WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY, AND THE GANG’S HANG OUT The crew has just finished a mission driving out a small-time gang that’s been harassing a local Duros refugee group. RAFATo street justice, girls! The gang clinks glasses together and knocks back shots TRACEWoo! I’m gonna feel that in the morning! AHSOKAReally? Not me, this stuff doesn’t really do anything for me. VENTRESSMaybe that’s because you’re using the Force to counter the booze? AHSOKAWhat? What do you mean? No way, I can totally party! VENTRESSForget who you’re talking to girlie? AHSOKA (looking embarrassed) Okay fine! But I need to stay alert and ready! Especially if the rest of you are drunk! VENTRESSWe both know either of us could take down any low life in this bar, plastered, unarmed and with our eyes closed. I think someone is a lightweight! AHSOKASorry, we don’t all come from a family of witches who do hallucinogens together. Some of us grew up in a weird monastery. But I can handle myself without the force and I’ll prove it! RAFAOh I need to see this! Prove it kid! TRACEGlup! Another round! 20 MINUTES LATER AHSOKA (standing on the bar leading a chant) FUCK THE JEDI! FUCK THE JEDI!
TRACEI think our girl’s had enough. You win Ventress! AHSOKA (clinging on to a passed out Quarren as the Martez sisters drag her away) Noooooo!!!! I won’t leave my bestie!!!! We’re gonna start a meiloorun cart!!! I LOVE YOU JOODOO!!! CALL MEEEEEE!!!! Trace and Rafa put their arms around Ahsoka and half-carry her home. Ventress takes a last shot then follows them out of Glup’s looking smug. INT TRACE AND AHSOKA’S ROOM AT THE APARTMENT Trace gets Ahsoka into her top bunk bed, which is really not much more than a shelf. AHSOKATRACE! Listen to me…I LOVE you! Trace’s eyes go wide and her heart pounds. AHSOKAI love aaaalllll of you girls s’much! And I know’ma Jedi, but like not r’lly but like yes and wrnotsuppostolovanyone but I love you all! SHHHH! DON'T TELL ANAKIN!!!! Ac’shly y’cn prolly tell’m I think’e’s married t’Padme. BUT DON'T TELL MAST’R’YOODOO!!!!! PROMISE ME! don’t…tell…
Ahsoka passes out. Trace gives her a bittersweet smile, then climbs into her own bunk FADE OUT