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My name is Shuichi Saihara, and throughout my life I never thought I could experience something such as this.
I am surrounded. Surrounded by love. Love that’s the softest, but also the most electric, love with a higher voltage than anything I could ever imagine.
Fortunately I am no longer the weak and scared detective fighting for a reason to stay alive.
“Shuichi,” the robot cooed, a warm smile on his face. That’s right, it was morning, and the previous night he had fallen asleep cuddled up with the robot.“It’s morning now. I’m awaking you as per your request,” Kiibo continued, a delicate mechanical hand with a featherlight touch brushing away the stray hairs from Shuichi’s face, cupping his cheek, a gentle and affectionate gesture.Shuichi’s eyes fluttered open, long lashes framing them in a black porcelain, his beige irises meeting Kiibo’s mechanical cyan ones. A light blush dusted the same cheeks Kiibo’s hands caressed, and for a while they just lay there, lost in each other.These mornings were the best mornings, for both of them. For Kiibo, he had never felt such a strong surge of want, the want to protect. He wasn’t even sure if he was programmed to feel such emotions, as they were completely foreign when he first figured them out. He felt as though his entire purpose was to protect Shuichi from the world that had scratched it’s way into his heart before and attempted to rip it apart by its own hands.Of course, Shuichi had scars littering his mind, littering his heart, but Kiibo never thought anything less of him. Back then, Shuichi was the glue that held them together until he couldn’t anymore. There was nothing that could compare to the admiration the robot felt for his detective. His scars weren’t ugly in any way whatsoever. To Kiibo, those scars were proof that Shuichi had fought the battle, and won the war.He was so, so proud of him. He made it out alive, and thanks to him, so did the others. He loved every inch of Shuichi, even the parts deep down inside of his soul, that he doesn’t share with anyone else.For Shuichi, Kiibo was the blanket of warmth against the cold. The calm amongst the storm. The electricity of his soul. Never had he seen such strength, such a readiness to put himself forward to change the trajectory of the story.Despite it all, despite the hope that Shuichi fought so hard to reject, Kiibo never lost it in him. He understood, and fought anyway. It was selfless devotion, but not because he was programmed to do so. Not because he learned to do so. It was because he wanted to. It’s what his heart told him, even after silencing his inner voice.He loved Kiibo because he was the sun, its warm rays brightening the entire world, flourishing life with vitamins and nutrients, replenishing its soul with its very existence. He loved Kiibo because even through his determination and conviction, he could be as sweet as the smoothest honey, the lightest of cane sugar, the brightest of shooting stars.That’s how Kiibo was with him right now, voice low and dim, with a warm that radiated through him. His touch was so full of love, his eyes shined with the most beautiful tranquility he had ever known. His presence washed over Shuichi like an ocean’s warm shore summer waves, and in this moment, he knew they were exactly where they were meant to be.
Fortunately I am no longer the weak and scared detective fighting for a reason to stay alive.
Fortunately I am now just Shuichi Saihara. The Shuichi Saihara I’ve always been destined to be.
Fortunately I am now filled with an electrical love, a love that I have grown to cherish, and forever be grateful for.
Fortunately I am no longer reaching out for a morsel of hope amongst the crushing despair.
Fortunately I am now able to hold the hand of hope itself, and that is the hand I will continue to hold, for as long as this life will let me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Anthropology, what a strange concept.
Perhaps he thought I am beautiful because I am something for him to research, something for him to observe.
No, that couldn’t be it.
“I just… I still don’t understand any of it. What happened to us. I feel like I should by now, but,” he trailed off, desolate tears brimming his tired eyes. He felt a familiar hand cup his cheek, slender and welcoming.“My darling, understanding perhaps is not what you need. Worry not about your comprehension. What occurred in the Academy for Gifted Juveniles…was incomprehensible,” Korekiyo spoke warmly, reassuringly.Shuichi could see a glint of sadness in his eyes, too. Was it understanding? He most out of all of them had his memories twisted, manipulated and muddled like clay.“I’m just still so angry. How? How could that just…happen to all of us? Not only that, but for it not even to be real, I,” he trailed off again, looking to the side, unable to find the proper words. But Korekiyo didn’t need Shuichi to speak to understand. He knew the anger he felt, he felt it too. When Shuichi looked back at the anthropologist, wiping Shuichi’s tears with a gentle thumb, he was met with that same warm smile.“I understand, my beloved. But if I must say, your vigor, how much you feel not only for yourself, but for all of us… That is unmistakably the purest beauty of all.” What? What did he mean? Purest beauty of all?“You’ve grown, darling,” Kiyo continued, as if to sense Shuichi’s confusion. “Oh, how timid you used to be in the face of tragedy. You’ve grown. You’ve been strengthened, my beloved. I see that in you everyday, even now.”Shuichi was silent, looking at Korekiyo with apprehensive eyes. Was he really? He always thought of himself as the weakest of them all, even succumbing to despair at one point. He felt far from strong, not understanding how Korekiyo could see any of this in him.But Korekiyo always had a way of proving him wrong, refuting any negative thought he could have about himself. He was so perceptive, always knowing exactly how Shuichi felt, and what to say. It would have made him envious if he wasn’t so grateful for it.“It does hurt my heart to see that the Academy still plagues you, yes. But your compassion… It’s unlike one I have ever seen before. You truly don’t understand, my beloved, just how beautiful that is. How beautiful you are.”There was his warm smile again, shining ever brighter. It was infectious, Shuichi feeling the same smile creeping its way to his cheeks.In a way, Korekiyo, too, was beautiful. Not only was he ethereal, the essence of humanity’s beauty and magic, but his personality. His love, his understanding. It was so warm and sweet, like the feeling of being home. He was the warmest of spices, mixed with the sweetest of sugar. The perfect balance of both.“Kiyo,” Shuichi breathed, though his voice still trembled. Korekiyo could ramble on for days if he had the time, but he composed himself for now.Rather, he used actions to further prove his point, taking Shuichi’s hand, fluttering his long lashes closed as he trailed kissed down every knuckle, to his wrist, all the way to his shoulder.Korekiyo could physically feel Shuichi relax under his touch, which is exactly what he wanted. His poor, sweet, Shuichi. Even after all he’s accomplished, his mind was shattered with doubts.It made sense, he felt it too. That uncertainty never leaves, the fear that your memories, your emotions. The possibility that it’s all fabricated to fit the narrative of someone else’s story, it was horrifying. How does one simply let go of a worry like that?Even so, Shuichi never thought anything less of him after finding out who he truly was. In the real world, he was so much tamer. So much more willing to love, genuinely admiring humanity and all its colors, prisms of culture and traditions. Even just humans as they are, the instincts that are the very foundation of everything they do.It was his instinct to protect Shuichi from his own mind, his instinct to thaw and warm his frigid world. He was the bright, burning and untouched bonfire in the middle of a blizzard.“Thank you, Kiyo. I don’t know what I would do without you,” he heard Shuichi mumble amidst sniffles. Korekiyo smiled, opening his eyes, his lashes fluttering like the wings of an angel.“You will never have to find out, my beloved,” this he was sure of. He would forever be his bonfire, his source of warmth, his source of light. It healed him to heal Shuichi, their shared love almost medicinal.
Fortunately, I am no longer frozen inside the endless cycle of doubt and despair.
Fortunately now, there is a bonfire crackling and burning brighter than the sun.
That same bonfire will continue to burn as long as I provide the wood. Gladly, I will search through every forest, collecting anything and everything to keep this fire prosperous.
He is my bonfire, and though I may still shiver from the lingering cold, I now know time and understanding will thaw every last block of ice in my soul.