Work Text
„I want to sin
every time
i am with
him"
Growing up, he noticed strange things happening to him.Around him, other teenage boys were fond of girls but Mike never really related to it.That made him feel.. Left out. He often dated girls he didn't even like. Just because he wanted to feel how it is. But it always resulted in them dumping Mike. Although these rejections hurt Mike, he never got attached to these girls. So he quickly got over them.At the age of Sixteen, he finally figured out what was wrong with him. Why he just wasn't interested in girls.Mike was gay.Oh, if only someone would find out.His parents would send him away and society would treat him like dirt.
„The cage is open.
You can walk out anytime you want.
Why are you still in there?”
He grew up with an aggressive father and an emotionally unavailable mother. But it didn't really bother him. Most of the time he was out with his childhood friends in various taverns anyway. He was a bit of a rebel.But one day, he wanted to prove himself. So he joined the army. He started training at the age of seventeen. At first he wanted to join the military police, but decided to join the Survey Corps.From the very first day, he stood out because of his physical size. He was taller than all his comrades and this was particularly noticeable to a young man.“My name is Erwin Smith. Nice to meet you.”, That's how the blond-haired man introduced himself.“You smell of dust and old books.” Was Mike's reply. But then he also introduced himself by name. They became close friends.But after a while, Mike witnessed that a homosexual soldier was being harassed. Word of his sexuality spread very quickly. It started quite harmlessly. The soldier confessed his feelings to another soldier, but he didn't like it. He spread the word. He spread rumors that this “faggot” had tried to kiss him.And as soon as that happened, things took a very dark turn.Because it wasn't long before the lifeless body was found in the barracks.Mike found him.The soldier had been beaten to death. From then on, it was a very dangerous environment for homosexuals.
„you collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you've committed.”
Erwin was appointed the new commander of the Survey corps. And he did well. He showed that he could prove himself despite his young age. He was regarded, respected and loved by many.But hated and loathed by many others. Mike found Erwin nothing but admirable. Somehow even envious, but these feelings soon changed to new ones.Some that he had never felt before. Some that he thought he could never feel. He thought he could have suppressed them well.Fuck, he fell in love.
„I have spent my life resisting the desire
to end it.”
After many hard-earned years, he was recognized as “The Strongest Soldier of Mankind”. Despite this, he remained rather undiscovered. Staying quiet and unknown.As Erwin's shadow.Eventually he became only the 2nd strongest after Levi Ackermann emerged. Even after a few years, Mike didn't trust him. On the one hand, it hurt him a lot to be the number two, but somehow he was also comfortable with it.After decades, his feelings for Erwin remained undiscovered. The blond was far too focused on his task of saving humanity to concern himself with relationships and feelings. But it came home to him. These unspoken feelings. God how it consumes him. Even after several years, he can't help but think of the dead soldier from back then. It could have been Mike.
„I exist,
that is all i find it nauseating."
Erwin almost died on a mission. Mike managed to save him. They stood alone, close together on one of the thick branches of the trees. Erwin, pressed close to his body so as not to let him fall. Mike stared fascinated into Erwin's ice-blue eyes. If only this had been the time. His lips parted as Erwin spoke before Mike could: “Soldiers. Forward!” He ordered in a loud and powerful voice.Mike let go of him and continued.Fuck.Why is he like this.He hates himself. “Tell me.. Have you ever thought about leaving it all behind and starting a family?” Mike asked. His back turned to Erwin as he stood at the window of Erwin's office.“Where did that come from all of a sudden, Mike?” He asked and paused for a moment before continuing: “Have you already written the report from the last mission.” Skillfully evaded. As always, his work has the highest priority. Mike's heart aches terribly. But he doesn't go into it any further.Can this illness be cured?Or will he die a hopeless case? Surrounded by Titans, Mike's thoughts were only on the commander.“Sacrifice your hearts for humanity.”Face to face with the beast titan. He knows his last hours have come.And so, Mike sacrifices himself.For humanity.For Erwin. Erwin mourned the loss of a good soldier. Not of a good friend.
„In loving me you hold a knife at my throat.
in loving you i tell you exactly where to cut."