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Evenings are hectic in the Laurence household.After Bess was born, Amy and Laurie received all sorts of advice from family and friends, all of whom assured them that it would be hard at first, but that after a few weeks of caring for their newborn daughter, they would easily fall into a routine.
"It's like a rhythmic dance." Meg told Amy one day after she had expressed her concerns. "Once you're both sure of what to do, it'll feel like a breeze. You won't even need to talk it through."
However, it's been 6 months and there's no sign of the rhythmic dance Meg was talking about, and Amy and Laurie are forced to admit that whatever it is they're doing, they're both terrible at it.Their evenings are spent trying to figure out why Bess is crying and Why won't she eat? Isn't she hungry? And shoot, her diaper again! All their attention and energy is focused on tending to her needs, so much so that Amy and Laurie's conversations are limited to a few words exchanged in a hallway or shouted across a room, all while carrying a fussy Bess who refuses to take a bath.
“Can you toss me a diaper?”
“We’re out of milk.”
“Did you check the stove?”
And by the time Bess is safely asleep in her bedroom, down the hall from theirs, they are both too exhausted to do anything other than go through the automatic steps of taking a shower to wash the smell of spit-up milk and dirty diapers off their skin, brushing their teeth and collapsing into bed, all while ignoring the time because they are too scared to realize how late it is.Amy usually falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow, but tonight, when Laurie comes out of their bathroom in a cloud of steam that quickly fills the room with the scent of his shampoo, she is still wide awake. The room is dimly lit by the moonlight, but all the lights are off, so Laurie doesn't notice her as he tiptoes to the dresser. He comes out seconds later, dressed in a T-shirt and pyjama pants she got him last Christmas.She watches him walk around the bed, drying his hair with a towel, her lip caught between her teeth. He flicks on his bedside lamp and startles when he catches her wide eyes staring at him."Hey." He whispers in surprise."Hey." Amy greets him with a tight smile.He tosses the wet towel carelessly onto a chair. She bites down on her tongue to keep from berating him for it, as she would normally do, and welcomes the soft kiss that he places on her forehead."I thought you were asleep. I hope I didn't wake you?"Amy's "no" is simple but curt enough to make Laurie's eyes flash with concern, his bushy eyebrows furrowed."Is everything okay?"He really has no idea, she thinks."Did you check today's date?"Laurie shrugs. "At work, probably. Why?" He asks, reaching for his phone. The light from the screen illuminates his face, and it only takes a second for realization to cross his face as his eyes widen and his mouth drops."Fuck."Amy grimaces, the tension in her shoulders heavier now that he knows. "Yeah.""How - I don't - fuck!" Laurie groans in frustration and throws his phone on the bed.It bounces off the bed and crashes to the floor, but he doesn't pick it up, barely glances at it.Instead, with eyes full of guilt and shame, he sinks down next to her and grabs her hand. "Amy, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot." He apologizes in a quiet voice, but he does not look her in the eye as he does so.Amy's heart clenches in her chest, the look of guilt on his face very similar to what she is feeling right now. "I know. I forgot too." She admits just as quietly and his eyes flick to hers, shock written all over his face."You did?"She nods her head sheepishly."Well, fuck." He breathes, slumping against the headboard with a soft thump. "How could we both forget our third wedding anniversary?" He says more than he actually asks.Amy couldn't answer him anyway. She'd been asking herself that question for an hour, ever since she stepped out of the shower to brush her teeth and saw her wedding ring gleaming in the mirror. For long minutes she remained frozen in the room, her mouth foaming with toothpaste, until Laurie slipped in behind her and entered the shower, as if he had no idea either.She hid her face in her hands. "I don't know, but this is bad." She whines. "Either we're getting too old or we're doing something wrong, but there's a serious problem with us."She hadn't thought about it at all, nor had she planned anything for it. It really slipped through her mind like any other minor detail in her life, and she absolutely hates it."I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of relieved that you forgot too." She hears him say it in a whisper, as if he is too ashamed to admit it louder.And Amy doesn't know if it's because of her nerves or because of how absurd the whole situation is, but she starts to laugh. So hard that she falls back onto the bed and Laurie has to put a hand over her mouth."Shh." Through her blurred vision she can see his own body shaking with laughter and she laughs even harder. "Amy, you’re going to wake Bess." He manages to say through his chuckles.After a few minutes, the laughter dies down and along with the tension, a heavy silence settles back in the room.As she lies next to her husband in their now quiet room, Amy feels vulnerability wash over her.Her throat is tight with emotion, but crying isn't in her plans tonight, so she swallows hard, willing the tears away before opening her mouth. "I miss you." She confides.Out of the corner of her eye she sees him turn his head to look at her. "You have me." "No. I mean, I miss spending time with you. The two of us. Alone." She explains, her voice shaking. "We don't do anything together anymore. We barely even talk." She pauses, turning her head to look at him, to see his pinched lips and the melancholy marring his features. "How long has it been since we spent quality time together?"He doesn't answer right away, but when he does, the truth threatens to rip her heart out."Probably before Bess was born."Bess was born on an unusually gloomy day in August, 6 months earlier. Before that, Amy had been on strict bed rest for weeks because of her high-risk pregnancy. Laurie had tended to her every need, going so far as to bathe her and taking days off work to be with her. He'd carried her burden, shared her pain and dried her tears all through the days, turning an unbearable experience into memories she'd hold close to her heart, forever. These had been their last moments alone, together. Before they became parents and had to face all the responsibilities that came with it.And while Amy wouldn't trade her life for all the gold in the world, sometimes she wishes she could go back to being young and carefree and desperately in love with Laurie, because, and as much as it saddens her to admit it, but after three years of marriage and a baby, the passion has begun to fade.It's normal, she knows, it doesn't mean she loves him any less, just differently, though it's a reality that is hard to swallow.She can't stop her heart from longing for the times when they couldn't keep their hands off each other, when they would skip work to laze in bed together and make love languidly as if they had all the time in the world.For the times when all she had to do was look at him and feel her heart melt with the intensity of her feelings for him.For the times when his eyes told her so much more than any words he could say.It's these tormenting thoughts that make the next words escape her mouth. "Do you still love me?" She asks in a murmur, hoping she could swallow the words back, hoping he didn't hear her, but his sharp inhale is enough proof to tell her he did.He sits up, "How can you ask me that?" The hurt in his tone, the look of betrayal in his eyes; they send shivers down her spine and guilt soon creeps up her chest.On a day-to-day basis, it is easy to forget or choose to think about something else when the unwanted nagging thoughts come to warn you that something is wrong. Until, inevitably, it builds to a point where it's impossible to ignore."I'm sorry, it's just..." She trails off, searching for her words, but nothing feels right, so she shakes her head, "Forget what I said.""No." His dry tone makes her wince. He notices and sighs, "Tell me what you're thinking." He says in a softer voice.She mimics him and sits up on the bed so they are at eye level, so that she can see the sharp lines of his clenched jaw and the painful glint in his eyes. She wants to reach up and smooth the frown between his eyebrows, frame his face with her hands and caress his cheek until he smiles, but instead her fingers find the hem of the sheet covering her legs and she fiddles with it nervously."Lately it feels like the only thing keeping us together is Bess."They didn't even fight or have any kind of disagreement, they just didn't talk. And in a way, that was worse. The indifference. "And I guess that... that I just need to be reassured sometimes."She watches worriedly as he shakes his head at her words and gets up from the bed. He paces for a second, and when he finally stops to look at her, she wishes he had never done so. The incomprehension on his face is too much for her to bear and, unable to hold his gaze, she lowers her eyes."How could we let this get to the point where you question my love for you?"Amy doesn't answer."Do you still love me?" He asks suddenly and her eyes snap up to his."What?""Well, I guess it's fair to ask you the same question you asked me." He says with raised eyebrows. "So, do you still love me?""Yes, of course.""Why?"Why?Because it's Laurie."Because it's you." She answers, the words slipping out of her mouth like the most obvious truth she's said in a long time."Exactly." He says, then walks around the bed to her side. He takes her hand and she lets him pull her out of bed so that she is standing in front of him. "Look at me, Amy, please." He reaches out to cup her jaw, the soft pad of his thumb a warm and familiar caress on her cheek, pulling at her heartstrings.Her eyes are filled with tears as she looks up at him.Laurie bends his head to touch her forehead with his. "I love you more than anything. Always, remember?""I love you too. Always." She says with a watery smile."'It will never change; the way I feel for you. The way you make me feel. I promise you that. And I'm still very much in love with you, and you still make my heart pound hard when you look at me, and I still have a hard time realizing that you're mine sometimes." He confesses as he gazes into her eyes and Amy smiles shyly. Her Laurie. He has always been so good with words, handling them like the very best of poets."But, and as much as it kills me to admit it, you're right. I have neglected our relationship these past few months, and I'm sorry."She shakes her head. "We both have. We're both responsible for this mess between us, so don't you dare take all the blame, I forbid you." She says with a stern look."Well, I guess if you forbid me." Laurie jokes dramatically."Yes, I do." She runs her thumb over his lower lip and bites down on her own as he slides his hands down her arms. They are cold. They raise a trail of goosebumps on her skin, though that might just be because he has that effect on her.They remain silent for a moment, enjoying each other's presence, something they haven't done in a long time. After a few minutes, they move to the bed, Laurie landing on top of Amy."We just have to find the right balance, between Bess, work and us. We'll fix this. We'll fix us. I promise you.""Mhm." She hums. "I know we will." She traces his nose with her index finger, up to his eyes, then down to his plump lips."Besides, it's not like we've never done this before. We've had quite the practice." He says against her finger before kissing it.They share a knowing smile."I'm sorry I have been such a mediocre husband.""And I'm sorry I have been a mediocre wife." She apologizes back. "I still can’t believe we both forgot about how anniversary. We were really meant for each other, weren't we?""Oh, but I never doubted it, my love." He smirks and then leans down until their mouths meet in a loving kiss, each brush of his lips against hers mending something deep inside her.What begins as a loving embrace quickly turns into a passionate make out session.Eager to feel his skin, Amy slips a hand under his shirt and down his back, grazing the soft skin with her fingernails. Laurie groans and toys with her nightgown before he quickly slides it off her body and tosses it blindly to the floor.Warmth fills her chest.But as he settles between her thighs, Amy suddenly realizes that because of her high-risk pregnancy and the time her body needed to recover after the birth of Bess, they haven't made love in almost a year, which means he hasn't seen what her body looks like now.Just as insecurity starts to envelop her, she meets Laurie's eyes and the look he gives warms her to the core."Beautiful." He mumbles and she sees him swallow, his Adam's apple bobbing under his skin.He takes off his shirt and pants before stretching over her. A whimper slips from her mouth at the contact of their bare skin pressed together."You're perfect, Cara mia." He whispers huskily in her ear.He then proceeds to pepper her skin with feverish kisses, paying special attention to the curves that cover her hips and that she despises, biting and licking until she's writhing and gasping beneath him."Laurie..." She moans."I know." He mouths against her skin.If her mind has forgotten what it feels like to be so close to her husband, her body never could. And after months without that connection, she feels ravenous. She doesn't want to wait, can't wait, and when Laurie begins to kiss lower down her body, she wraps her legs around his hips, forcing him up and sealing his mouth in a lingering kiss."Now. Please." She gasps against his mouth.Fortunately, her husband being the attentive lover that he is, forever at his lady's command, grants her request.Amy's eyes roll in the back of her head as she arches against him."I missed you." She thinks she hears him say through the blur of her mind.Oh, how she wishes she could melt into him when they are like this, skin to skin, as close as they could ever be, their bodies joined, their hearts beating in unison in the most perfect rhythm.It's deep and passionate, too much and not enough at the same time, and before she knows it, the world behind her eyes goes white.Amy doesn't know how long they stay entwined, sweaty and breathless, hands gently caressing her skin.Suddenly, soft cries fill the room.Laurie lets his damp forehead fall against Amy's chest, his body rumbling with a low chuckle.Amy chuckles softly and runs a hand through his hair, the sleek texture soft against her skin. "Back at it again, I guess.""I got it." Laurie says against her skin. He plants a kiss on the swell of one breasts before slowly rising from the bed.Amy shudders at the sudden loss of warmth, a whimper almost escaping her mouth.She bites her lip."Mhm, I miss you already." He hums, his eyes running down her body.She rolls her eyes to hide the effect of his words on her, even as she feels herself blushing. "Go before the neighbors come banging on the door again.""Yes, my lady."Her limbs are heavy, her body and muscles deeply satisfied as she slides one leg out of bed to put on her discarded nightgown. She's swapped most of her pajamas for large, worn-out t-shirts or nightgowns because it's easier to pop out a breast when Bess wakes up hungry in the middle of the night. They are not attractive at all, but for once Amy does not care after what transpired between her and Laurie tonight.She walks to the window to open it; the room smells of them, a mixture of expensive perfume and sweat and sex."I have a starving baby and a fresh diaper." She hears Laurie say as he enters the room, carrying a wide-awake Bess, all the tears dried on her chubby cheeks.Amy’s eyes lit up. "Hey, my love." Amy coos, holding out her hands towards the baby.Bess giggles her irresistible baby laugh at the sight of her mother and what it means for her belly, kicking her feet and arms.Amy gently cradles her against her chest after she’s settled down on the bed and Bess immediately suckles at the breast. Her bright blue eyes flutter shut, a tiny hand wrapping around her father's finger as he rubs it against her pink cheek."Of course you're hungry, you spit all your food in my face." Amy jokes.With fond smiles on their lips and hearts swelling with love in their chests, Amy and Laurie watch their daughter for long minutes."She's so beautiful." Amy whispers. She'd never get enough of staring at her little girl. She could do it all day."We're too good at this." Laurie says, and they chuckle softly.Bess opens her eyes slightly at the sudden shaking before closing them again.
My husband and my daughter, that's it. That's all I need.
Laurie nuzzles her neck and plants a kiss in the curve of her jaw. "Happy anniversary, my lady." "Happy anniversary, my lord."