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A manufactured world of concrete and steel hummed around you as your steel toed boots thumped against the concrete, not like you could hear them anyway.It’s sickening. Something out of a movie, not real life, not the real world.It bustles around you regardless. Overloading your senses.No trees. No animals. No stars.Nothing you could really feel.The anxiousness and stress in the air makes you sick. You practically taste the city in the air, clouding your lungs as your ears ring from the noise. The wind whips around the shiny tower in front of you, symbolizing strength and power while the rest of the world busted below. The company meant everything to so, so many people, but not someone like you.Some guy named Stan had called and invited you to the damn place to be a member of the Seven two days ago on Monday—you'd nearly dropped your phone to the bottom of the river scrambling to answer it.Nobody ever called anymore.Apparently, people don’t just get invited here for something like that.You’d crawled out of the mountains, your home you’d retreated to after you finished college. Lots of people stared at you sideways in your flannel and cargo shorts. "Protection,” you’d deemed it. You clung to the feelings and smells of home like a lifeline, you'd need as much of it as you could get if you were going to survive this place. If any of them touched the truck out in the parking garage, you’d skin them.In a meager attempt to calm your anxiety, you hummed to yourself as you wandered in the fancy building, past businesspeople rushing in and out with their high society perfume and slick suits. Their shiny shoes squeaked against the floor, where your Rocky 800s scuffed.
Wanted man in California,Wanted man in Buffalo,Wanted man in Kansas City,Wanted man in Ohio.
Headfirst into the snake pit you went, as if you had anything to lose.
There's somebody set to grab me. Anywhere that I might be,And wherever you might look tonight, you might get a glimpse of me.
These were supposed to be people on your level for what it was worth. It made you nervous.You thought about everything that led to this moment as you dealt with security.They gave people Compound V, and they got super strength or something equally powerful, equally impressive.Apparently, you’d gotten nothing.You reasoned it was a last-ditch effort by your parents. They thought if they sold your life away to Vought, at the very least it would fix you and make you live a while longer to be a useful human being. Dad had told you the stories; you weren’t supposed to live, but he’d dragged you and mom to the city to get real help anyway. Some real help that was. You even got a special form of V, an experimental blend they were running trials on.Even if it had worked, you weren’t meant to be a perfect supe. Everyone knows now they handpick the best; you were a guinea pig.You never manifested power, but it kept you alive.And you endured a life of suffering because of it.You fought tooth and nail to get away from the hell hole that was your home, go to school, start a life, and get dad out of there. You didn’t want to be alone and different anymore. Finally ready to fulfill your life goal of wanting to help other people, while you showed everyone just how intelligent you could be. Nobody needed you, and you didn’t need anyone. You’d finally have money and a place. A real place where you could belong.You got over the anxiety of going to college. There was something driving you then.But you had bad luck. So much bad luck it seeped into everyone around you. You’d internalized that you were meant to be alone forever a long time ago, but your family dropping like flies too? That was a bit much to bear. Instead, you kept driving yourself, putting more and more work into your studies and your job. It would be worth it. You were good at memorizing, knowing every circumstance and detail.You were precise. Calculated. You knew your job like the back of your hand.But things got to you sometimes, especially after your dad died after you graduated.Maybe that’s why you let go that day; you couldn’t really remember specifically. There was a bottomless pit swallowing you whole, and you were ready to leave this world. That was for sure.All you could remember clearly was waking up on the ground, confused and terrified. So terrified in fact that you simply ripped yourself up and ran.Good thing nobody was around to see.Standing in the mirror back home, watching your skin stitch itself back together, you knew what you were. It was like an awakening. You could sense the funny stuff in your body running, reassembling. It was the compound V they talked about just before you graduated and came back home.You were a fucking supe.You tried to go back to living normally, but it was hard.From somewhere deep down inside you, the drive to help others turned into a raging inferno.Keeping away from peering eyes, you did what you could. You figured at most might as well make use of the situation. You found out you could be burned, smashed, or drowned. It didn’t stop you. Eventually you quit your job at the hospital across the river, slowly becoming a recluse in your little childhood home, only going out when you felt the need.The more vigilante work you did, the more you learned about the true nature of your power.You weren’t just regenerating or healing. You could control bodies on a cellular level. Reading it like one of your medical textbooks, you could control it as easily as breathing.You quickly realized you could be as strong as you wanted, see as far or run as fast as you wanted, and be as durable as you wanted. Borderline shapeshifting, growing your hair and nails, fiddling with your weight, swapping the stuff downstairs—you thought it would be perfect.But the more you changed, the less of your family you saw looking back at you in the mirror.Memories disappeared.There was something to say about accepting yourself the way you were, but you couldn’t put it into words. You didn’t want to be perfect like you thought you would’ve anymore; it was like scrubbing what traces of them remained; you couldn't. Grief wasn’t something you handled well.After a while, you figured out it wasn’t just you; you could heal other things no matter how damaged they were as well. The first thing you ever brought back from the dead was an opossum. It wasn’t its fault it needed to cross the road. It came back, like nothing.But it couldn’t stay.It was like the feeling when you healed someone—the feeling of your powers flowing out of your body like a stream—but it didn’t stop once it was better. It kept flowing until you killed it again.There was a window. A tiny little window before someone was completely gone you had to abide by.You did the same thing as the opossum for a woman who had a heart attack and a man who got run over. You ran out of count fast, and you were sure Death was very upset with you. But he’d just have to cry you a river. You never interfered with a natural way too much. Plants and animals abided to you as well, way more friendly than people.People don’t listen when they’re scared. It's not their fault they’re so complicated.You were just making their instincts kick in, you told yourself. You’d force people to move out of the way, easy. You didn’t want people to remember you. It must’ve been their adrenaline that made them forget about being saved. Right?Eventually you figured out you could pop a heart and mush it back together.
You saved that for very special situations.
You don’t recall when you started fine-tuning it.Instead of just telling people to calm down, you could slow their hearts and force their bodies to metabolize adrenaline. Somewhere along the line, you started altering their brain chemistry and listening to their thoughts. Empathy on steroids.It was great for a while, saving people as you pleased. Being so in tune with things.You could work miracles thought to be fiction. Tell someone they had cancer and force their T cells to mutate and kill it in the same second. It was going to put the hospital you used to work for out of business, but it was heaven doing what you finally wanted to do and avoiding attention.Until Vought called.One thing you never was good at was saying no. Or talking to people in general. There was something strange drawing you there. Some gut feeling. Couldn’t be a good sign, but you went on against better judgment.Little tinges of regret you’d carry with you for life.Vought was everything everybody ever kept up with. Not you. There was a blond guy with an American flag and some other people. People at college were crazy for them, but you didn’t partake in that corner of the internet.Your feet moved forward on muscle memory deeper into the tower, where you were met by a panicked woman named Ashley, who had somehow never done this before, just a random person walking in and being on the Seven. Apparently, there was about to be a meeting, and whoever made the decision for you to be here wanted you to just pop in there right off the bat. The thought of meeting them all so soon twisted your stomach in knots.She smoothed out the bright striped suit jacket she wore as the two of you stepped into the fancy elevator. “Where’s your suit?”“Suit? Don’t got one.” You smiled. “This is what I always wear.”Despite being taken so aback, she took you upstairs to the conference room, where you waited on the other members to show up to have introductions. It was a huge fancy room with a mural on the ceiling like a cathedral, like nothing your eyes had ever seen before. You craned your head upwards to stare at it absentmindedly, well about as absentmindedly as your overthinking self could, until Sage showed up.“What do you mean you got told you’re on the Seven? They have votes for that! They don’t just call people!” She had exclaimed, voice full of confusion and rage. Ashley couldn’t give her a real answer. “We’ve already got the hillbilly demographic covered!”“Golly.” You smiled knowingly as you accentuated your accent, much to her displeasure. You read them all like a book.The Seven wasn’t what they acted like they were.You tried your best to mind your business, just picking up tiny little tidbits to questions you had. The only person ever handpicked for the Seven was Homelander, that blond guy. There was another person, but he didn’t count because he was leftover from another team called Payback. Interesting. You sat awkwardly while the other members filled in, taking their spots.You picked up their names as they walked in.There was a nicer guy named A-Train that thought you were some Make-A-Wish kid. A perverted fish guy named Deep that thought you were an underdressed intern to hit on. Noir, the guy from Payback, didn’t have much to say, but the redhead Firecracker did. She’d learn in time that the two of you weren’t as alike as she swore you were. You’d play nice regardless.Everybody deserved to be treated with some sort of respect, even if they were jealous.She was fake, you were the real deal.None of them were told about your arrival. Ashley was only told this morning, and that was because she was supposed to be the one to bring you up here. After a few minutes, her phone rang. You tried not to eavesdrop.“Unfortunately, Homelander can’t make it! I’ll just fill in.” She said with a fake excited smile as everyone gave her the side eye.You guessed this happened every now and again, where he dipped off the radar. Based off reading the people around you, he was a big bad guy. You wondered about how bad he could really be, I mean they had stuffies and popsicles of him- not to mention the stuff you’d seen at the back of Spencer’s-Ashley's sharp intake of air brought you back to the current moment as she stood pensively. “So, Buckshot! Please tell us about yourself!” She smiled and held eye contact, but her thoughts were somewhere else.“I’ve never uh, done this before,” you laughed awkwardly, smiling nervously all the while. The last thing you were expecting was to be acknowledged first. “What do you want to know about me?”They all just stared judgmentally. Not a good sign.A-Train was the first to break the silence. “Where did you come from? None of us even know who you are, and no one knew you were supposed to be here.” There was already judgment and hostility in his voice. You just stared at his shiny blue chest plate to avoid eye contact. Very shiny.You laughed nervously. “Well, I’ve never been an actual hero. I was just doing vigilante work around my home until Vought called. I didn’t even know I was a supe until a few months ago actually,” You thought they might laugh along with you, but when you looked around, they all looked shocked instead.A chair creaked as Deep leaned forward this time. “Are you like, crazy strong or something?” he asked hesitantly, eyes darting between you and the other members. They looked at him like he’d actually said something smart for once.You spoke up, “I mean- ““She’s definitely not strong. Probably something you can’t see.” Sage interjected, her eyes never leaving you.“Ouch.” You muttered internally. Ashley interrupted before you could think of some sort of retort.“Okay okay, Buckshot, why don’t you just tell us about what you can do? I’m really hating this info sheet they gave me. It just says… unknown for everything. And that you have some regeneration power.” she trailed off while she held up the paper.Nervousness and anxiety lit up every nerve you had; you didn’t like telling people about your powers.This was going to be the worst part. They always thought you were a monster; not like you could blame anybody. “It’s complicated. That’s actually why I picked Buckshot as my supe name- My powers have a widespread.” It was lost on everyone except the red head across from you decorated with a bandolier bullet belt, of course.“Well! We’re all dying to know!” Firecracker smiled. “So far you’re a real wildcard!” She clasped her hands together happily as she sat on the edge of her seat. At least someone was friendly you supposed.You gazed at the table to avoid their stares. Might as well rip the band aid off now. No pussyfooting it. “In short, I manipulate cells. Others or myself. It’s a really broad thing, but-“Sage furrowed her brows behind her glasses, interrupting you. “You do what?”You paused. You mulled over the words in your head. Manipulate. Cells. Seemed pretty explanatory.Deep leaned forward again, looking between his teammates, then you, “yeah what the fuck does that even mean dude.”You cringed at his choice of words. Guess you’d have to get used to the language.“Ugh! Maybe if you impatient assholes would give her a minute she would tell us!” Firecracker shouted across the conference table.You cringed again.Ashley just held her head in her hands. It reminded you of a daycare or something.You laughed as you put your fingers up on the edge of the fancy glass table. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. “I can give examples if that works better.”Everyone sat on their edges of their seats as you spoke.“Where do I start. Last week I got caught in a gas explosion, and the week before that I got cut clean in half! I can be durable when I want to, but if I get caught off guard, I’m splat! But it’s okay, because all I do is make my body regenerate.” You wave your hands in the air as you accentuate your points like its nothing as your heart hammers in your chest.“Can alter my body and others as I need to, fix casualties, heal cancer, regrow organs! Alter strength and senses. But it doesn’t have to be that serious, it can be broken bones, scars, and sore muscles. Controlling people’s adrenaline, heartbeat, muscles among other things, works great at calming down a situation” you kept blabbering, guess you were happy to finally share with people who did this stuff every day. You loved talking about things you knew about.“That stuff aint even the kicker! I can really teach criminals a lesson. Craziest thing is shutting off their brain cells one by one, watching them lose everything, and flicking them all back on. Course I can just pop their heart and lungs and fix them right back. Or put them in rigor mortis. Whatever stops them fastest. Oh and-” your physical voice stopped as you held up a finger. “Telepathy! I can make your neurons fire in a way to think thoughts!” you projected.Everyone’s eyes widened.“To put her short, durability at will, course it’s really altering my body as I need to. Regeneration, healing others, mind reading and telepathy, and I’m not too sure what you’d call my trademark control thing, possession I suppose? Possession. But it’s more like borrowing-“ you trailed off.Deep sent Ashley a side glance as he gripped the edge of the conference table for dear life. “Ashley uh, I really think uh H-Homelander should be here right now.”Ashley had given up scribbling on her notebook and just looked at you dumbfounded. Kind of like everyone else.A-Train didn’t seem so nervous. “That crazy stuffs just on normies right?” he waved his hand and crossed his arms as he dismissed you, scoffing and looking off.You laughed excitedly, obliviously.Another thing you were bad about was reading a room.“Nope! I’ve stopped a few rouge supes before! Compound V actually just floats around, doesn’t actually engrain in the tissue, so I just force non-sensitized cells to coat the V and block its effects.” You said casually.Nevermind. A-Train was terrified.You just kicked your feet under the desk, bad at reading a room didn’t even begin to cover it.Ashley piped up from the end of the table. “Buckshot, who called you again? If you don’t mind me asking?”“I think his name was Stan? Older guy? Nice voice real professional like.” you responded plainly. You just assumed he was some guy who made the calls.Everyone just starred, dumbfounded.“Oh. Well, that kind of explains a lot.” She gave up on her notebook and resorted to plucking the strands of hair left under her wig as she dropped her pen. She always gave off the energy she was on the verge of tears, but this was worse than before.You noticed, like you notice almost everything. “I hope you don’t mind but…” you twiddled a strand of your hair and pointed at hers.“Oh god.” She paused. “Oh god is it falling off again or-“She clenched her fists on the obsidian table in panic, quickly her hands flew up to the sides of her head, but it... felt different. Her brows furrowed as she grasped the wig, her gaze never leaving you as she pulled it off and- somehow her natural hair was back. Her mouth gasped in disbelief, the mess of fake hair falling to the ground as she ran her hands through the strands.It was real.“You’re welcome! Try not to pull it out this time!" You smiled from your end of the table. You clunked your boots together one on top of another as you crossed your legs and leaned back.It was dead quiet.“Holy. Fucking, Shit. How the fuck are you even doing that?” Sage was standing now, demanding answers. Should've expected that.You smiled a little wider as you took a deep breath. Doing good things always made you happy, it let you relax a bit. “I think the power itself comes from me, I just think and things happen.” You shrugged. “But if I use my powers too much I get a bit woozy, have to rest.”Noir tilted his head to the side.“How much is too much?” Sage demanded.“Not sure, but I get better every time. I did just find out about this a couple months ago-“ you shrug again. Sage’s eye twitched.“I’m still not over that part. How did you never know?” Firecracker interjects. She looks more amazed than terrified.You wince. Everyone always wanted to know that part. What were you supposed to say?“I always assumed it was coincidence people never died around me actually. I didn’t realize something was up until I got in an accident and I just walked away.” You laughed. They didn’t need to know exactly what the accident was, right?Wheels rolled father across the room as Sage stood to lean further across the table. “Do something else.” Her voice was cold as stone, you knew exactly what she meant.You sigh. She wanted to play that game. You didn’t like that game.Something in your tone shifted. “That head of yours asks a lot of questions huh? You know I can just alter mine when I don’t want to be smart, I just turn it off instead of lobotomizing myself.”The room was quiet, deathly quiet.You calculate your words carefully. You don’t want to lose control of the situation, maybe this way you won’t have to do something more proving. “Can’t hide anything from me. But let me know if you ever want help with that. I can make you stupid as you want whenever you want me to. No spike.”Sage finally opened her mouth to speak. “You can control how smart you are?”“White matter, neural connections and speed among other things, when I need to. But I like keeping myself like this, the way I was supposed to be.” It’s a nonchalant answer, probably too honest.A-train glances between the two of you, his grip tightening on the handles of his seat. “That thing you said earlier about altering your body however you needed to. You can run too, can’t you?”“Yeppers. Fast as I want.” You smile. Deep gulps. “That mind thing. It’s not… are you limited to just people?”“Anything with a neural net.” It’s another nonchalant answer, as if you haven’t put half the seven out of a job with your abilities alone.Firecracker interrupts their spirals as she snaps her fingers, making a little spark. “Bet you can’t do this!” She winks and smiles, but deep down she’s still pissed off you’re here.You laugh lightheartedly, at least someone could lighten the mood. “You’ve got me beat there!”Ashley chews on the cap of her pen. “Can you fly?”“I’m beat in the flying department too. Haven’t figured that one out yet.” You grinned. Ashley and Firecracker gave you chuckles, Sage plopped back into her seat, no doubt mulling over your potential weaknesses.“Can we go back to the part where oh I don’t know…” A-Train scoffed as he rolled himself closer to the table. “You could just kill all of us right now if you fucking wanted to?” The room went quiet, and whatever smiles there had been faded quickly.You weren’t surprised.“I’d never! That’s, that’s actually what I was talking about. People always think I’m some kind of freak after I tell them what I do.” You said sadly. “I like healing. It’s what I do.” Ashley gave a little smile as she played with the ends of her new hair.You tried to avoid their eyes by looking past them out the window. Didn’t work.“Homelander is either really going to like you, or kill you-wait. Oh god.” Deeps eyes widened. His gills were flaring under his suit like a stressed fish. It almost made you laugh. “Can he even do that?” Deep stopped with fear in his eyes, mind getting lost in contemplation.“Well unless he can take someone’s power away, I don’t think so. Vought might have some special poison around, but I’m sure my cells would just mutate and I’d probably be fine.” You said with a shrug, turning your attention to Deep. “Don’t start pine coning on me over there dude. You’re going to pop your swim bladder or something.”Deep blinked at your fish terminology, confusion etching itself into his face. Nobody ever talked to him like that.Before anyone could respond, the large meeting door beeped and rolled open, and in walked the legend himself, Homelander. Everyone’s head snapped to the side as he commanded their full attention. You knew it was all fake, of course, you had no real reason to be afraid of him, or anyone for that matter.But your heart pattered at the idea of having to talk to a new person again.You’d just gotten acquainted with these guys! Ugh.“Everybody out! Me and Ashley are having a fucking word.” He demanded, his voice strong and angry. Ashley was already collecting her scattered notes, scrambling to hide her wig. For such a big guy, Homelander didn’t make much noise as he stomped across the marble floor. He made a beeline for the head of the table, but did a double take over his shoulder at you, sitting in the once empty seat.His blue eyes met yours.There was a twinge, a feeling somewhere, something indescribable.“Do we just let anybody in here now? Who the fuck are you?” His body turned, red leather creasing as he clenched his fists.Plastic wheels screeching against glossy marble and a scuffle behind him took his attention away a moment. “Ah! Homelander don’t!” Deep yelled as he crammed himself halfway under the table.Everyone in the room held their breath.His matching leather boots squeaked against the floor as he slowly turned himself to Deep and took his piercing gaze off you. “Was I talking to you?” He asked angrily, accentuating every syllable.“No sir.” Deep answered quickly as he sprung to his feet, eyes darting between you and Homelander.“The fuck is wrong with you people today.” He moved farther away and turned his back to you completely. You tilted your head to the side. You felt that feeling you did whenever you needed to do something, some strange gut feeling deep down, some instinct. You weren’t going to pick through his head and find out why- it felt wrong.You blinked as you looked him up and down, taking a deep breath. “I’m Buckshot.” You cursed yourself as your voice came out quieter than you wanted it to.“Who?” He seethed before he scrunched his face in disgust, not even turning to acknowledge you again. “I don’t know who- god, ew- you fucking smell. Deep, did you fucking drag this idiot in here?!” You couldn’t see his face, but he was mad.You frowned and sank back into your clothes. “I just washed these.” It smelled like home to you.“In what?” he halfway laughed mockingly.You blinked. “The river.”What? When you were dirty you just swam in your clothes wash boarded the rest and laid out in the sun, that’s what normal people do right? Why was everybody looking at you like that? Well, at least Deep wasn’t.Homelander might’ve been turned around, but the disgust was still quantifiable to you. Immeasurable almost.“Just-“ He clenched a fist and took a deep inhale as he spun around to face you. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”“Newest member of the Seven I guess.” You said plainly, giving him a little smile as you flapped your sleeves over the handles of the fancy chair.Maybe he wasn’t so bad.…ah.That was a lie.You don’t think you’ve ever seen anybody get so angry so fast.His leather gloves creaked as he clenched his fists and grit his teeth. His angry blue eyes went from you to Ashley. “Ashley what did I FUCKING tell you about this shit! My team, I say who goes on it! Everyone out of here, especially you!” Her papers scattered as he whipped back around to you and his eyes glowed for a faint second, but nothing happened.You only cocked your head to the side, observing and unwavering.You could smell the cortisol. Metabolize a bit of that adrenaline, and bring that blood pressure down just a tad... you thought to yourself absentmindedly while he stared at you like he was trying to wipe you off the earth.He rubbed his eyes and stomped his feet like a child. “God look what you people fucking do to me! Just get the fuck out of here!”Everyone else knew what’d you’d done except for him. It was almost comical.You all stepped out in the hall. Noir went about his business, hesitantly. Firecracker laughed and looked at you in amazement. Clasping her hands together excitedly. A-Train and Deep were terrified, Sage was still wondering how this was possible.“You…” Deep pointed to the door of the conference room, obviously referring to Homelander as he gulped. All you did was shrug.“I thought all of you could do this stuff. I thought it was just part of being a supe.” You said shamefully. “I know it’s a lot… “ you laughed.“He’s going to freak out. We’re all fucking dead.” Deep whispered, still terrified to even be near you.You put your hands up in an easygoing gesture, leaning back against the wall behind. “I’m already working on making sure that doesn’t happen.” You smiled.Everyone froze.Sage looked up, brows furrowing again, eyes wide. “What do you mean.” She hissed out quietly.“He’s going to calm down any second, I was just tweaking a couple things. And don’t worry, he can’t hear us.” You smiled as you tapped your ear.Firecracker was excited at least, she gave you a very approving smile as she squealed. There were cogs turning in her head you didn’t like.A-train squinted as he whispered loudly. “You just do all this shit without people’s permission?”You grimaced. Yeah. Yeah, you kind of did. Only when you had to. It was mean, it was wrong.Deep’s voice drew you out of your mini-spiral. “Yeah do I get like a safe word or-“ A-Train elbowed him in the gills.You giggled as you healed his bruised gills without a second thought, waving your hand so he’d see what you were doing. “I always try to ask, but I didn’t want him to hurt somebody.” There was blatant honesty in your voice.Deep blinked as the pain disappeared. Face scrunching as he looked at you helplessly.Sage seemed wary. You’re either really good at acting and going to end them all, or you’re an idiot. “Alright. Just, don’t do that shit to any of us please.”“I promise I won’t ever hurt any of you!” You smiled as you raised your hands passively again and tilted your head to the side, a funny habit.“I mean hey if you want to help me get my octopus girlfriend back I’d really-“A train drove his elbow into Deeps side a second time. You laughed again as you healed him again. They were funny.You all dispersed. Everyone went about their business, you didn’t have any business, so you wandered around the tower for a few hours. Even spent a while talking with Deep and Sage. Sage had a lot more questions about your powers and intentions, obviously planning your demise. You figured if she could, oh well. What can you do. Your time was up a long time ago anyway.Deep wanted to talk fish, of course. “Bye fish friend!” You waved over your shoulder as you walked down the hall away from him. You giggled as he blushed, but your eyes went cold as you send a little thought his way.“Get the wrong idea, and I’m gonna get ya’.” Vought still hasn’t given you a room yet, but you had your bag and that was enough for you. Once it got later in the night you figured you’d wash up in the bathrooms and sleep in your truck. Motels cost money.You hated the interior. Everyone’s faces plastered on the walls, statues, etc. It was weird. They better not be thinking of doing that to you. At least they dimmed the lights later in the day after the majority of people went home, the seven resided at the top of the building.Halfway to the bathroom you ran into the rhinestone cowboy himself as he blazed through the hall with his eyes locked on you.A bug to smash.A target to exterminate.Your breath hitched, even for just a second.This wasn’t going to end well.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
His voice was dripping rage as he stomped towards you.“You.”“Hi Homelander!” You tried smiling and waving, hoping taking the docile route would keep him from trying to rip your head off.He stopped inches away, towering above you. He wasn’t that tall, but you were a little on the tinier side. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing.” His voice dripped with venom.You glanced around as you flapped your sleeves. “Like… right now or-“He scrunched up his face and the leather of his gloves squealed. “Doing. Here. Period.” He seethed.“Ah.” You stopped flapping to twiddle your fingers together, his vicious gaze didn’t waver. ”Well… some guy named Stan called and-““Fucking Stan.” He interrupted, tone souring farther.You toyed with your hands. “Is he like, somebody I should know or-“His leather gloves squealed again. “Just the old fucking CEO that still thinks he’s in charge,” Homelander laughed and grit his teeth. He threw his hands up in the air, then turned away from you and put them on his hips.In an attempt to lighten things you piped up. “Did they not tell you about me? You’re the big guy around here.” You smiled.His eye twitched as he turned around. You’d take that as a no.“Well, did Ashley?” You wondered if he’d noticed her hair.His expression didn’t change, so you took a tiny peek with your telepathy. She’d been afraid to tell him. Not surprising. Told him you had moderate strength and could regenerate. For a split-second you were just the tiniest bit offended.“You don’t bring anything special to the table.” He snarled.You frowned and kicked your boots. “Yeah.” Self-doubt never really goes away. It’s like a blanket to catch the daggers anyone else might throw.“All I know is I don’t want you here.” He snarled at you again, this time stepping forward to drive a finger into your shoulder to push you backward. It was supposed to be a warning.You felt a bit... unwelcomed to say the least.“I’m sorry Homelander, but I think you’re stuck with me for now.” You grasped his hand and put it back down at his side despite a little resistance, not appreciating the invasion of your space so soon, like it was nothing. His face went blank.What the fuck did you just do.You just blinked up at him innocently.He stepped closer, mind racing. “How the fuck did you just do that.”“Do what?” you tilted your head to the side.His glare was intense, gathering information on every detail about you. “Do it again, I dare you.” He poked you again threateningly.You even let it knock you back a little this time.Tiny gentle fingers hidden halfway in worn out flannel sleeves barely grasped the leather. You just did the same thing as before. Made his cells agglutinate around his V sensitized ones to isolate it and fiddle with the myosin and ion exchange so he would let you move his arm without hurting him. Basic stuff really.You let his gloved hand go to his side. “Ta-da!” You smiled as you flapped your sleeves in accentuation.His face twisted in confusion and rage. Eyes glowed for a second, before being extinguished like water on a fire.You simply just cocked your head, smile never waving. Your pupils constricted as your eyes widened slightly, taking in every detail.He shook his head, brows furrowed angrily.You’d really made him mad now.He went to swing, but you caught his fist. “Please stop for a minute.” You pleaded quietly. Maybe this would be enough, and he would listen. Maybe you wouldn’t have to do anything scarier. He was dumbfounded and filled with unbridled rage based off his heartbeat.“What the absolute fuck are you doing to me!” He yelled, trying to pull his fist back, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he tried.Adrenaline and cortisol again, even if he was trying to bury it.“Hey, hey. I’ll stop if you calm down, okay?” You tried to reassure him, but that goes nowhere with someone like Homelander. He swung his other hand, which you caught. Unfortunate but predictable.He tried yanking his fists back a few more times and flying back, you’re pretty sure he even considered just gnawing his own arms off before he spoke again. Desperate to regain control of the situation, he hissed out “fine” but the rage never left his face. His mind was reeling with memories of some cold place a long time ago, being beaten- oh. Oh no.You dropped your hold faster than you ever had in your life and pulled your train of thought out of his head. His clenched fists fell unceremoniously. You weren’t going in there again unless you had to.“I’m so sorry- can we just talk normally please?” You pleaded quietly, tone changing.Homelander towered over you as if it had some effect, but you stopped being scared in these kinds of situations a long time ago.If anything, you were worried about having to hurt him.“Yeah. We’re going to have a little fucking talk.” He snarled ass he grabbed your wrist and turned to drag you down the hall. So much for not having to hurt him.“Oh my gosh!” you laughed a bit as you let him drag you a few feet, until you had enough. You grit your teeth as you shut off his cerebellum for a millisecond and he fell to the floor.A gasp echoed from the end of the hallway. You gaze flicked up from the floundering pile of patriotism to the idiot poking around the corner down the hall. You’d already learned Deep had horrible timing for everything.Homelander picked himself back up and snarled like a wounded animal. He launched himself off the floor, to rip you to shreds but you shut that part of his brain off again. You simply stepped aside as he hit the ground where you were just standing, like a wounded bird unable to fly.You winced at the sound his face made as it hit the marble floor. Oopsie. Good thing you didn’t let him feel that one.“Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Get out of here before he fries you like a catfish!” You said to deep telepathically with a giggle and gave a thumbs up. The shock on Deep’s face was priceless as he scurried off. You were sure they’d all gossip about this later.You put your hands on your hips as you lean forward, observing the mess before you. And it was a mess, that was for sure.Homelander scrambled to get back up; his body just wasn’t listening. “What the fuck is happening to me- oh god- you-“he trailed off as faint horror flickered across his face.You might’ve tapped into part of his brain so he’d stop cussing, even if it was just for a second.“Please just calm down.” You reached out to help him up. His head was spinning and he was beyond angry. You were trying to fucking kill him-“Fu- fuckk you.” He managed to slur, making a measly attempt to swat your hands away.What a fighter.“It’s going to be alright.” You gently grasped his padded arms and helped him up, guiding him over to some couches in one of the common areas. “The dizziness will stop here in a second.”Homelander slumped against the cushions, but his eyes were wide. “I’ll kill you, I’ll kill whoever I want to. I do whatever the fuck I want! You don’t get to talk to me like that!” He hissed, still slurring his words as his brain tried to get itself back together.“Okay, okay. Just take a second and get your head on straight Tiger. You’ll be okay. Then we’re having a normal conversation.” You sat with your arms crossed. Who knew Homelander was so difficult. For some odd reason his eyes went wider still, but when you raised a brow, he covered his face with his hand, growling.“Aw. That’s not very nice.” You laugh. “Are you going to calm down?”Homelander grit his teeth as he seethed and dragged his gloved hand down his face. “I am fucking calm!”“Okay okay jeez. Can we start over?” you tried to give a little reassuring smile. Homelander just glared.It was an intense stare down. You didn’t falter, you just tilted your head and smiled wider. Patient.He finally gave in as he straightened up and put on his finest Vought fake smile. “Fine. I’m Homelander. Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you before.” He said with sarcasm and impatience. “What makes you think you’re worth my time?”You chuckle, and grin. “It’s great to finally meet you Homelander! Stan sent me here to Vought to be on the Seven. My name’s Buckshot.” You held out a tiny hand to shake. Homelander just glared at it and then your face, but you just stuck it out further and kept smiling like an idiot.God you were so fucking annoying.He rolled his eyes as he grabbed it and shook it. He gave you a squeeze, light for him but deadly for a regular person. But you knew he’d do that, you didn’t budge.He squinted down at your hand. You were pudgy and pliant a second ago, now you were unbreakable. There wasn’t a visible physiological change. It didn’t make sense.“I’m going to ignore the stupid fucking name for now. Edgar thinks you’re so worthy?” he hissed as he practically threw your hand back to you. “The Seven, for your information, is my fucking team. I won’t tolerate anyone disturbing the balance I’ve worked so hard to maintain.”You giggle to yourself. “Balance…. Yeah” you think to yourself, trying not to laugh. “I’m not here to mess your team up. I just want to be part of it. I’ve never had anything like this before. I want to be your friend.”Homelander’s blood was boiling.You were picking at something in him already, and you didn’t even know it.You just tilt your head and smile again. At this point you’re not sure if you’re genuinely asking to see what he’s willing to tell you, or just seeing how much you can piss him off. You could read someone’s powers from a mile away. “What powers do you have again? I know you’re strong and fly, but I’ve never really kept up with Vought.”“How does anyone on the fucking planet not know about me!” His face was red now, that might’ve been the last straw. He laughs, exasperated. “Just a few little party tricks here and there. Flight, super strength, lasers and x-ray vision, you know, the basics.” He said hatefully.“What, did you live under a rock?” There was special venom in that one.“Yeah.” You shoot Homelander innocent eyes as you pull your legs up, wrapping your arms around them. “You’re so cool. You know anything about my powers?” your eyes twinkle as you look at him innocently.He tries to read past it. Glancing up and down your body, his expression quickly changes to disgust. Nobody looks at him like that. “Aside from them being horribly annoying, not really. Tell me.” He’s intrigued now, studying you closely.“Well, it’s a little broad.” You look down sheepishly, rubbing your boots together. Homelander is still staring at you, unenthused. “My powers are a bit different than everyone else’s.” You keep looking down, nervous wasn’t the word, ashamed maybe. What did you get yourself into?Homelander raised an eyebrow. “Don’t go getting all shy on me now. You’ve got my attention.” The couch creaked as he leaned forward menacingly.You tilt back as you try to summarize your conversation earlier. “Manipulating cells. It’s a little silly.” You smile and giggle.Homelander squeezes his eyes shut as he leans back again pinching the bridge of his nose, unamused. “Woopty doo. That sounds fucking stupid.”He paused. “Wait. Wait a fucking minute.” He slowly turns his head, eyes wide and vicious as he raises a finger.“Is that how you were doing that fucking shit to me earlier?!” He’s off the couch in a millisecond, ready to grab you.You let out a meek cry as you raise your hands to protect yourself, not like it would do any good or you needed to do that. It was more embarrassing than anything. You were so upset that he wasn’t more reasonable.In less than a moment he’s stiff, toes just a few inches above the marble floor.You feel his body fighting against its own hold, he’s filled with so much rage but there’s nothing he can do. His cape falls behind him and his hair falls over his forehead as his eyes stare daggers into your soul. His lasers just won’t light up- but he’s, he’s in the fucking air still.You were just looking up at him. You hadn’t moved, not even blinked when he got up. He was fucking terrified, fucking angry.“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” he screamed. Strength, strong vocal cords. Made sense.You winced- you weren’t expecting that. Eardrums were easy to heal, but the shards of broken glass frames cascading down the hall were beyond your help. “Just shush for a second! And stop saying bad words!”He tried screaming again, but nothing would come out.You noted how much of a mess his limbic system was. Wired to rage, to kill. You weren’t all the way in his head, but you could feel the pain seeping from him.It hurt you too.You’d help him with that later.You slowed his heart down and started breathing for him. He was going to take it down a notch weather he liked it or not. “It’s going to be okay.” You tried to be soothing. You knew this was really scary for people.“Don’t be scared.” You gently placed your hands on his shoulders between his eagles and his collar as you eased him back down to sit on the couch. Despite your hold, his eye still twitched. Who the fuck thought they could do this to him? Why were you acting like this was fucking nothing for you?He wasn’t in control of his body, but he could feel it move. Possessed.Keeping him under control was like trying to stop a fucking freight train.Homelander knew there were psychic supes, but they always had to make eye contact, touch, something. They didn’t just pick and fucking choose what they wanted to do- Worst of all he was pretty sure you were just doing this without trying. Your pupils just seemed to do whatever they wanted, you didn’t twitch any muscles, nothing.“I’m going to let you go now, don’t do anything crazy please.” You pleaded gently, giving his shoulders a little squeeze. “You’re going to be okay.” Despite what you were doing, it was a confusing, warm and pleasant sensation. There was something strange about it.There wasn’t any malice to be found. He could tell when people were lying.Inside part of him was begging, pleading to never have to feel this ever again. He wasn’t even going to acknowledge the more… aroused voice in his head. On the outside, all he did was growl and stare with hatred powerful as a god. You released him and he leaned forward, gasping to breathe air that he could pull into his lungs himself.You stood before him and waited patiently.Homelander caught his breath and glared at you with a whirlwind of emotions.“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to hurt you. Are you okay?” You waved your hands apologetically as you stood meekly in front of him.He bared his teeth, “you better be fucking sorry.” His mind was racing, trying to figure out a plan to end you. Every plan he thought of he just ended up frozen again.You wanted to try and make things better.“Here. That’s not all I do, in fact, I really hate doing that.” You tried to smile reassuringly as you plopped back down next to him. Invading his personal space this time. “I usually just heal things. I love making people’s lives better.”His face scrunched in disgust.“That’s equally stupid. It’s making me nauseous.” He growled, he had taken his glove off, holding his bare hand against his head trying to stop his head from spinning.You looked at the ground. “I really am sorry. Didn’t want to have to call the janitors on my first day if I let you get ahold of me.”Homelander was quiet, still reeling from whatever the fuck that was. “Good. Be more sorry.”You giggled as you stretched your legs out to kick them. “You’re kind of funny. I like you.”“I’ll kill you.” He snarled. How were you laughing?“Good luck, I’ll just come right back.” You tilted your head to the side and smiled as you chuckled.Homelander dragged his hand down his face, “Regeneration?” you nodded. “God we’re really fucking stuck with you, aren’t we?” he said hopelessly.“Yeah, and I don’t think they’re going to let me go back home.” You laughed.Homelander laughed darkly; you were right about that one. “That’s for sure. Vought’s never letting someone like you go.”You gently placed your index finger to your chin as you thought for a minute. “I mean, I guess I could leave if I wanted to.”Homelander couldn’t help but agree mentally, but he’d never say that out loud. You could do something he had always been too weak to do. God, that made him angry.Sensing his anger rising again you were quick to change the subject. “Let me make it up to you!” You smiled as you scooted over to him, closing the distance between the two of you on the leather couch.He scrambled backwards without thinking.His instincts hadn’t done that in years. Red eyes lit up. He was going to kill you, no matter what.“…”But it was too late again. You were too fast.“It’s going to be okay, just trust me.” He was paralyzed again; all he could do was snarl and watch.You got closer and raised your hands to gently grasp his jaw as you looked him over. Your touch lit something up inside of him he hated. It was the same sensation from earlier, but more intense this time now that it was skin on skin.Honestly, you didn’t really have to do that to make your powers work, but it seemed fitting in the situation. You were holding a feral animal after all.“Sage told me about something that was really bothering you, you know.” You said with a tiny reassuring smile.He was going to kill her too. Maybe after you let him go, he’d really just light the fucking candle, burn the whole world to the ground. But would you just stop him? His heart sunk.It took him a moment to find his words. He was trapped. “Nothing bothers me.”You ran your fingers through his hair. It sent shivers down his spine.You stuck out your tongue as you painlessly plucked out a grey strand. “Not even this?” You held it up to him, head tilted like it was nothing.You were smiling innocently like you weren’t fucking destroying him right now.Homelander was so full of rage, he couldn’t breathe. He could hear the pressure building in his ears.“Don’t be upset. It’s not your fault.” You hummed gently. “I think you’re really good looking like this if it means anything. What do they say? Aging is a privilege denied to many or something?”Homelander’s mind was shutting down. He couldn’t do this anymore, and was going somewhere deep in his psyche, where he used to hide when he couldn’t escape the bad room.You were going to fucking kill him.Instead, you fluffed his hair.“I usually don’t like messing with the natural way of things, but seeing as some supes are already immortal…” you paused, “I’ll suppose I can exception just for you.” You smiled as you sent a wave of extra life back into his cells, practically rewinding time.He got pulled out of his spiral by a surge of energy.What the fuck did you just do to him.“Do you feel any different?” you took your hands off him gently, the touch of your smaller fingers leaving his skin like a ghost. He felt you hand the control of his body back to him. It was a strange sensation.Homelander stared at you with his mouth slightly agape, he was afraid to move. “What the fuck did you do? Are his powers gone forever? What did you do to him-“ His thoughts raced. His hand slowly rose up to his face, he did feel different.You broke eye contact as you rummaged around in your bag beside you. You really hoped he would forgive you for what you’d done earlier. “Perfect!” you smiled and opened your makeup compact, pointing the tiny mirror inside at him. “See?”His stomach fucking churned.He was himself, but… 10 fucking years younger.“I didn’t want you to think I’m some kind of monster, I wanted to do something nice for you!” Your words rang in his head. His eyes darted up to you and back to the mirror, you gently put it in his hands with a cheery smile.He stared at himself for a few minutes, your words still ringing in his head. “Yeah, you’re still a fucking monster,” one voice said. “Something nice… for me,” another whispered.What exactly were you capable of?Homelander kept touching his face and hair, still having a hard time believing this was real.“It’s the least I could do. Take your time” You smiled. You were being patient; you knew it was a lot to process for anybody. Especially someone as high strung as Homelander.Homelander handed you your makeup back even though he probably should’ve just crushed it in his hands. Your stupid kind voice made him sick. Half of him hated it, half begged for more.Another enemy. Another Butcher. More capable, more terrifying.He just wanted to run away.The hall was quiet, no one had passed by since you both ran into each other somehow, maybe Deep told everyone to find shelter, you laughed to yourself.He was frozen in contemplation, every breath calculated. “What… else can you do?”“I thought you’d never ask!” You beamed.“Altering my body or others. So, if I need to be strong or durable, I can. It also includes regeneration and healing. I can also mind read and project my thoughts, and I’m guess you can call the paralysis thing possession, but I don’t like that word, it’s scary.” You waved your hands dismissively.He watched every move.“So, look, see.” You held up your arm. “Strong with one arm, weak with the other.”He blinked at the bones snapped under your skin. You just lined your arm, and the bones stitched themselves back together. “Aren’t the little osteoblasts cute? Can you see them too?” you giggled like it didn’t hurt you. He did a double take. “Oh silly. I shut my nerves off. That’s the bad part about “altering my body at will” can’t use it all the time. If I get caught off guard, I’m splat. But not splat for long, maybe a couple seconds.”“Anyway! All better! Now strong with both. You try.” You held your arms out.His fingers twitched as he hesitantly grasped your forearms. There was that stupid fucking feeling again. You seemed to leave that part of your powers out. “Are you some kind of radioactive? Poison?”You just shook your head.He squeezed and bent, trying to snap the bones in his direction, save the couch and floor.God, he really couldn’t hurt you if you didn’t want him to.His gaze hardened, grip still tight around your arms. “You can be caught off guard. You don’t use your powers all the time because you have a limit. The muscles around your heart clench every time you use your powers, like you don’t want to use them. You can’t control everything about yourself. Your own fear and emotions. That’s why your heart was pounding earlier. That’s your weak spot. You’re soft inside.”If you had anything in your mouth, it would’ve been enough to make you spit it out.“Wow! That’s why you’re the guy in charge. You should’ve seen Sage trying to figure me out earlier.” You giggled and smiled. Again, there wasn’t malice. No fear. Granted, those weren’t good weaknesses, and he didn’t really know what the aforementioned limit was.He clenched your arms tighter as if it would tell him more. “You can be smarter than her, you could probably outrun A-Train. Light on your feet like Noir.”You seemed happy he understood, smiling and nodding. He couldn’t understand why.“I just can’t manifest something like flight or see through walls. Can’t make a spark, can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes.” You giggled. “You and Firecracker have me beat there.”Either you were an idiot or a better actor than him.He let go of your arms with disgust.That reassuring smile never left your face. It made him sick. “Anyways, thank you for letting me help you Homelander. That’s you from now on.” You chimed as you playfully poked his cheek. Finally, a chance to show him your true nature. Helping people was all you ever wanted to do.He didn’t really have time to recoil from you poking him like a fucking child, without thinking you pulled him into a hug, your body pressing against his with a thump.But he wasn’t paralyzed by your power this time, just frozen like a deer in headlights.It was warm, it was sickeningly sweet. He’d never felt… anything like it. It felt… good. Safe.The emotions felt strange.Part of him still wanted to blow you off the face of the Earth, sure, but he was so close to something else. Gratitude maybe. He stuttered as he tried to gather his scrambled thoughts.You squeezed him tighter. “Don’t worry about it! I’m sorry I scared you.” His eyes widened.He could feel your warm heart beating, your stupid smile against his shoulder.You pulled away and for a split second he thought about pulling you back.He’d never felt like that before.“Let me know if you need anything, I’ll be sleeping in my truck.” You smiled. The leather couch creaked as up stood up to leave but he grasped your wrist again without thinking.It made you smile.“The parking garage? Why not your apartment?” He asked, caught off guard. His usual gruffness was missing.You laughed. “Well, they didn’t give me one!” His expression changed from confusion and wonder to his usual callous and anger quickly.He threw his gloves on his lap and held up a finger.“We’re not fucking having that. You’re a member of the seven for crying out loud. Hell. You put the rest of the idiots here out of a fucking job.” He angrily thew his gloves on and his hand grasped your wrist tighter as he rose, but not with malice this time. He hated that he still felt those weird feelings though his gloves. It was like it radiated from you.You were different in his mind now. You’d been upgraded from bug status to equal.You let him drag you along, laughing at how angry he always was. Guess you’d have to get used to the bad words.Homelander dragged you to some office, to berate the poor workers inside and demanding a proper apartment for his new second in command."Second in command?" you thought. Wow, you went from bottom to top fast.“Don’t worry guys! You’re doing a good job! Have a good night!” You chimed with a smile and waved as he dragged you back out the door. There was a throb in your chest the same as when you use your powers, it wasn’t fake pleasantries, it was genuine. You were projecting feelings onto them.He growled as he pulled you down the hall. It bothered him.He dragged you around the floor to the correct apartment number, past Deep and Sage who squeezed off to the side to avoid Homelander’s rage. As you passed by Deep gestured thumbs up, thumbs down with an uneasy face, glancing between you and Homelander, who looked… different.He looked at them with distain.You smiled and gave them a big thumbs up.At the very least, they were relieved the titans weren’t going to clash today. Deep was still convinced it wasn’t safe to stay on dry land.A little further down the hall, Homelander released you at your door. “There. Sleep here.”You were ecstatic. Your own apartment! And a day early no less.“Thank you Homelander! You’re the best.” You smiled brightly.More sick fluff. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard, but it twinged at something inside him, he hated it.You looked back and forth down the empty hall and at him. “Can I ask you something?”There was another pang of anxiety. He hated what you were doing to him. “What?”“Are you scared of me now? Do you hate me?” you asked hesitantly.He was taken aback. I’m terrified! I hate you more than anything! How could I ever hate you? Please hug me again, please don’t leave me alone! His mind screamed conflicting thoughts. You just looked up patiently at him with soft eyes.“Why would I be scared of you. I’m Homelander.” He laughed, putting back on his persona.“I’m not scared of anything. But I haven’t made my mind up about you yet.” He stood tall, despite thinking about all that you were probably capable of. All his newly ruined plans with you here. Maybe just maybe you could be part of them- but time would tell. “That’s okay! I’m happy with that!” you exclaimed. “I’ll never hurt you. I promise.” You childishly held up a pinky and innocently tilted your head.Maybe he did hate you.He hated that you hadn’t caused him actual pain. Having someone drive his body for him was almost as bad as the lab, but you didn’t hurt him. There was also something sickeningly sweet about you he hated. Your touch, your voice, your heart. He looked between your hand and your eyes. You were serious.Against his better judgement, he took off a glove, and wrapped his pinky around yours hesitantly.“Thank you! See you tomorrow!” you whispered excitedly. You let go and disappeared into your new apartment. He stood outside watching you wander around the empty space through the door with his X-ray vision, pausing to look down at his hand you’d touched. After a while, he could hear you humming bits of a song as you walked circles around the place, out of order and out of tune.Nothing he’d ever heard.He spaced out.What was he supposed to do? What the fuck was Vought planning on doing with you?He jumped when you opened the door again. “I can see you out here you know. Well, I feel your heartbeat through the floor.”Homelander was sick.He should’ve figured that out.“Are all the apartments this fancy?” You blinked; he didn’t say anything."Did you need something else?” you tilted your head innocently again. Not to mention your stupid eyes.“Fuck no, of course not.” He rolled his eyes and quickly put his glove back on. “Fuck off” he turned brashly.You yawned and smiled while he stomped off, sighing mentally. “Goodnight Homelander, I hope you sleep okay. I hope I see you tomorrow!”He stopped and didn’t turn around. It picked at something in him. He hated it. “Good fucking night, whatever your name was.” He stomped on. But you could read him like a book. He was such a faker. You giggled and shut the door.If he had to hear that giggle ever again, he was going to lose it. He thought, but you’d probably just put him back together.He was really stuck now.He stared at the ceiling from his bed rolling over and holding the pillow over his head like it’d do something. All he could hear was your stupid voice through the walls. Singing songs stuck in your head to yourself as you paced circles around your apartment like a caged animal.
You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside you're just a little baby, oh
He wondered if you ever even slept at all.
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved
For what you're not
You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubled
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Fuck.He was going to die.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
No crickets, no birds, but the sun rose regardless.You threw on your shorts and another shirt. It was you in the mirror, but it didn’t feel like it.The old flannel fell over your shoulders like a blanket. The clasps of your boots strained as you pulled them tighter than they’re supposed to go. Anything to shelter yourself from this place.Vought brought you whatever else you wanted for your apartment from home, part of the prearrangements you’d put together before you drove there. If you were going to stay there, it would have to be comfortable. You’d of kicked their rich people furniture to the curb if they’d of let you.They were still surprised you had the keycard already.You popped down to medical like they’d asked, they sure had lots of questions. There was nothing you hated more than sterile places. After you got your powers, working in a hospital going what you did before just seemed… wrong. You zoned out while they blabbed about who knows what, but that didn’t last long.“A tracking chip?” you asked, brows furrowed.“It’s for your safety!” The Vought technician grinned like it was nothing. But you can read people.You pretended to think for a moment. “I’m not stupid enough to need one. No thanks.”They tsked. “Well, if you won’t let us, you won’t be allowed on the seven-“You interrupt them with a laugh. “Homelander doesn’t have one”They paused as their fake smile faded, shocked you somehow knew that. “And I would love to know what Stan would say about you not letting me on the Seven. You should call him.”You grinned as you tapped your boot against the shiny tile. Was it getting hotter in there or was it you tinkering with their hypothalamus? Their little clipboard shook in their hands. “We’ll just… uh… worry about it later.”That sped things up a bit.Next stop was the costume department, even if they swore it was a uniform. You were probably better off rooting through a fucking Spirit Halloween.You absolutely despised all the options they presented you with. “Give me whatever. I don’t care.”It’d take them a few days to make you a stupid outfit.Homelander had called a meeting at 11. You wondered why he was never just around the tower taking it easy, hopefully you didn’t scare him off. People are really not your forte.He called the meeting; he’d be there eventually. He was nearby.The giant meeting room doors still weirded you out. The slid open quietly despite their size, and you took your seat. They were just waiting on Homelander, Sage, and Ashley. You pretended like you couldn’t hear them talking in Ashleys office, but Homelander could tell. You could feel his eyes on you, and he knew it.“Woah. Sick. Your costume is like, totally casual.” Deep was caught between his usual explicit thoughts and residual fear looking over you. The thoughts that ran through his head pissed you off.You decided to ignore the latter for now. “This isn’t my costume. I don’t have one. Wasn’t a supe before this, remember?” It was quiet for a minute. You resorted to counting the bones in your hand while you thought to yourself, popping each one out of place as you did. Better alternative than picking your face off or chewing on your fingers.Deep looked around the room hesitantly. “What did you do to Homelander last night? We all heard him uh... screaming, he’s uh… never done that before.”Oh. You had forgotten about that part.You grinned as you flexed the bones back into place and starred off in Homelander’s direction, pretending to see him through the walls too. You couldn’t, but your ability gave you a sixth sense of sorts. “He tried to kill me; I didn’t let him. He hated it; but I didn’t hurt him.”Deep and A-Train laughed along forcefully, even though they didn’t really need to.“Classic, Buckshot.” Deep forced out, obviously very uncomfortable still his eyes shot between your hand. “Does that uh… hurt you when you do that?”You hated how your voices echoed around the room.“What? This?” You positioned your hands to pop your knuckles, but instead every bone in your hands cracked. Your deadpan expression didn’t falter.The chair creaked as you leaned back, copying their postures. “Excruciating.”You flicked your hands, and it all went back into place like nothing happened.The room fell deathly quiet again.Deep grimaced as he clasped his hands under the table, staring through it.Homelander’s gaze finally shifted. You could feel that you weren’t being watched anymore.You fiddled with your thumbs a minute before turning your attention to Noir. “Hey, can you hear me?” You thought.For a minute there was nothing, not even a peep of the little bluebirds sitting on his shoulders.He tilted his head to the side. “Huh? Is that you Buckshot?” His voice was actually really nice. Too bad he can’t speak outside of his thoughts. You’d have to fix that.“Yeah! It’s nice to finally get to talk to you!” You smiled at him next to you, turning your head. He knew it wasn’t just his imagination now.“Can I help you?” You tapped your head and pointed to his.You could hear his little beaver friend, who was hesitant. How cute. You looked down to give him some privacy with a little smile. “They won’t go anywhere. I promise.”The heavy material of his suit creaked as he turned to you just a bit more. “You can try.”Perfect.“Don’t worry! You’ll be fine. It’s just going to be a bit weird feeling.” You smiled. “I’ll hold your hand.”His thoughts were quick and scared for a moment. “Does it hurt?”“Nope!” You just cocked your head and smiled. Taking his hand in yours and squeezing it reassuringly.It only took a second to shift his bones, make his body absorb his scar tissue, regenerate his neurons.You let go and the leather of Noir’s gloves squealed as he gripped the edge of the table instead. He pushed himself backwards in the chair, like he might fall. You cautiously peered over at him. Nothing should be wrong.“Hmmf, hhh.” It was just a whisper, just a test of his re-found voice. His hands shook as they rose to his mask, gently lifting it off and setting it down. He hadn’t taken it off in front of anyone in… who knows how long.Deep and A-Train were busy discussing finances. Firecracker was touching up her lip gloss glancing out the window. But the second Noir’s mask hit the table, they all looked over and froze.“H-how did you do that?” Noir’s voice was hoarse from lack of use, his hurt eyes looking up at you. His voice went from disbelief to happiness in a heartbeat. “They said I’d never be... fixed... I can… I can talk!”He was still shaky. It was a lot to suddenly have all your head back like that.“It was nothing.” You smiled sweetly. You loved doing this stuff more than anything. And you loved lots of things, the sun, the moon, the trees and the mountains and the stars- you mused to yourself, but you got pulled out of it.The door beeped.You blinked as you sensed the anger on the other side of the door. Uh. Oh.“H-Homelander!” Noir whispered and threw is mask back on.For a second you actually used your brain. You didn’t really think about how angry he would be exactly. You were just bored and wanted to help, hopefully Homelander wouldn’t be mad. Ah, he probably would be. Who were you kidding, he always was. You were not changing Noir back. No way.He was going to think you did this to hurt him, show him you don’t care about his feelings.It was going to take so much to work that kink out of him.He strode in strong and handsome as ever. You wondered how he explained that to everyone.“Looking fantastic today My captain! Like, really fantastic!” Deep exclaimed. What an ass-kisser.Homelander just shot him a disapproving look. “I’m aware.”Sage found her seat quickly, never taking her eyes off you. Ashley stood off to the side quietly. Homelander gave you a signature smile, and for a second it was almost genuine, but that was short lived. His face went expressionless as he stopped mid-step when his eyes met Noir.“Ha ha, uh… yeah.” You piped up. His conflicted eyes darted between the two of you.Noir waved. “Hi!”Homelander blinked and shook his head.He was jealous, angry, felt cheated on almost. The silence in the air was so thick you could’ve cut it with a knife, but he finally spoke. “I guess I have a fully functioning team now. Anyway.” He strode over to his chair, but everyone was still staring at you and Noir.He quickly noticed he wasn’t the center of attention in the large quiet room.His rage flared as his leather grip tightened around the back of the seat, screwing his eyes shut. You grit your teeth. Before he could yell, you send everyone an apologetic look and “sorry!” and turned their heads in a split second.Homelander opened his eyes. He was about to yell, but everyone was looking at him like normal.Afraid.Good. “Anyway!” He turned and faced the window, hands finding their place behind his back underneath his cape. He went on and on about their dropping ratings.Everyone sent you sideways glances the rest of the time.There will be an official introduction to the public for you next week. Your eyes widened and your chest tightened. It made him smile for a second as he stared at the city below. “Anything to add Ashley?”“N-No sir! That’s it!” She smiled and stammered nervously.You didn’t always spy on people’s thoughts, but you couldn’t help but hear Deep freaking out. “No! Don’t think about that! Ah! That’s even worse! Buckshot if you’re listening I swear-“ you tried to keep a straight face as he rambled on.It wasn’t going well.You finally broke with a snicker, projecting an image of yourself hoisting him up by his gills like a catfish. Everyone turned their heads hearing liquid pour on the floor.What? You could’ve done worse than make him piss himself. Lot worse.Deeps mortified eyes met yours as he doubled over.Homelander’s voice got everyone’s attention back. “Deep, what the fuck?”“I’m so sorry sir!” he quickly flung his attention back to the star-spangled leader. Practically crying from embarrassment as his eyes darted between the two of you.Homelander sighed as his grit his teeth. “Since you’re so fucking fascinated with Buckshot, you’re all going out on that stupid fucking mission you and Firecracker have after this. Test run.”Deep gawked, eyes shooting between you and him, heart pattering. Firecracker clapped her hands together excitedly. Somehow what you’d done yesterday had won her over. You were afraid to take a peek as to why.Homelander rolled his eyes as he glanced over at you. “No cameras for you. Not until next week.”You nodded.“Everyone out. Except Buckshot, we’re having a quick talk.” He shot you a side-eye, his cape whipping as he turned towards the skyline.They all clambered out of the room, shooting you terrified looks. Firecracker gave you a little bit of a smile at least.You simply stood in silence behind Homelander, rocking back and forth from your heels to your toes. The large doors shut far behind you. Homelander heard your heart, you were looking between him and the door behind you, but not nearly as scared as he wanted you to be.There was a loud swoosh, and Homelander towered above you.You simply looked up to meet his eyes with a wary smile, you knew he would be mad. You really didn’t like when people were mad. He noted the tinges of red on your cheeks. Embarrassment? Shame? Seriously?Your quiet voice derailed his thoughts. “I’m sorry about Noir. He was hurting. I felt bad. I didn’t do it to be mean to you.”He squinted at you. You knew exactly what he was angry about. Of course you did. There was a pit of tension around your heart. There wasn’t an ulterior motive, no stench of guilt from lying. He was unsure of what to say, but the anger didn’t leave his face. He turned back around to the skyline. You made him so fucking uncomfortable.Couldn’t you tell he was already having a bad day?“Ask me before you do anything else to anybody.” He growled and threw himself into his chair. “Did you really make Deep piss himself?”You grimaced, sucking air past your grit teeth. “He was thinking really bad things about me, not to mention fish. I could’ve done worse. He was two seconds away from losing brain privileges.”He burrowed his brow and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you’re just always fucking eavesdropping?”“No. He kept looking at me funny.” You figured it would be best to stay out of his head right now. But you couldn’t help but notice how he briefly thought about a million other worse things you could’ve done to him last night.His face twitched. “Whatever. Stay out of my head.” “You got it.” You swayed beside him on your feet. “I hate to be a bother, but when did Firecracker adopt a baby? I couldn’t help but uh… notice her… uh…” you trailed off looking away.For some odd reason Homelander’s heart picked up for a second, and his eyes got a little wider.“Would you get the fuck out of here already!” he growled with urgency in his voice, waving his hand.You looked down. It wasn’t worth the fight right now. You spun around as you turned to leave. “Okay, okay. Don’t gotta tell me twice.”You told Firecracker to wait downstairs while you fiddled around in the hallway a bit. Besides, Deep was busy cleaning himself up and crying in the bathroom.You sat outside quietly waiting for Homelander to come out, but he didn’t. You even tried stopping your heart to focus on his heartbeat instead, but you didn’t dare invade his thoughts.There was something you could sense. Hurt. You locked eyes with the floor. You didn’t like it when people hurt.All of a sudden the doors opened and he came rushing out, staring at the same floor as you. Off to go hide somewhere else. He one step away from barreling straight through you when he stopped dead in his tracks.You jumped in surprise, your heart picking up again.He didn’t have time to react, instead he was stuck staring into your soft caring eyes. He hated it so much is burned.You stepped forward and looked at him gently like it was nothing, toying with your hands in front of you. “Hey, what’s wrong?”His initial reaction was a growl, but it didn’t take him long before he exploded like a ticking time bomb.“You! You’re what’s fucking wrong! Fucking with me, and everyone else here!” His words stabbed through you. It wasn’t surprising you’d messed up again. You always did. It’s why nobody loved you, wanted to be your friend, or even be near you. Nobody was harder on you than you.Instead of being afraid, there was that tension in your chest again as you looked up at him. He hated it. His face twitched again as he stormed off around you.“I’m sorry. … I can leave like you wanted me to.” For once in a long while, you almost let a tear slide down your cheek.Homelander’s boots squeaked as he stopped.His inner thoughts were happy you were crying, but also screaming at his body to turn around and… he didn’t know. There was a strange feeling he’d never felt before, and he just wanted it to stop. It bothered him that you could just leave for a multitude of reasons he didn’t want to share. He just stood there for a minute debating amongst himself.You sniffled as you turned to leave.He growled. You were not fucking leaving. He was horrifically disgusted and embarrassed about what he was about to do. “Shut up.” He growled as he stomped back towards you.You turned and looked up quietly. God, he hated looking you in the eye.He grimaced as he grabbed you in a stupid fucking hug.There were very few ways to put what he wanted to say into words. He didn’t even know how to properly fucking hug somebody. He ignored the painful feelings it stirred inside him. “You’re a really good… resource… to keep around here.”You didn’t really think as you wrapped your arms around him slowly. That feeling was back he hated, but to you it just felt happy and warm. You hurriedly blinked your tears away. “You’re such a funny guy Homelander!” It felt like the power got knocked right out of him again as you squeezed him tight and lifted him an inch or two off the ground. “Thank you!”His brow furrowed. It’s a good thing nobody was out in the hallway, he’d have to kill the witnesses.You set him back down and pulled away, hands on his sides as you looked up at him. It made him feel that funny feeling again, but it didn’t make him feel as funny as your next words. “Can we talk again I get back from that mission?”For a moment he was taken aback. “No. I’m very busy today.” He looked down at you. Your little smile was fading, and you still had tears in your eyes.He hated you being sad more than he hated you being happy.He screwed his eyes shut as he peeled you the rest of the way off him. “Ugh! Fine.” He dusted his suit off as he stepped away like it would get the smell of you off him. It wasn’t doing much good.You looked up to him again, your smile was back. “Where do you want to meet?”Homelander crossed his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture to hide the fact he might… actually want to stay around you as much as he hated to admit it. He looked around the hall, pretending you weren’t even there. He eyed you warily, trying to gauge your intentions and decide whether or not he can trust you to not put him in another compromising situation. “Somewhere quiet and private.” He huffed.“Hmm.” You raise a finger to your chin and look off while you think.
It’s adorable.
He hates it.Homelander grunted and pressed his gloved fist against his forehead as he turned his back “I’ll just be in the meeting room-“Theres a flicker of excitement in your eyes.“Wanna come see my new apartment? I got everything situated this morning!” You burst out, happy as ever, flapping your sleeves at your sides.His eyes shot open as he looked at you over his shoulder.“It’ll be so fun! I can show you my books and plants and my squishmallows! Please?” You begged.He was going to be sick. “No!” he practically yelled.You whipped out the begging eyes. “Please? I’ll make you dinner?”That panged something in his chest. He hated it. He screwed his eyes shut as he paused to think.You were still looking at him with that stupid pouty face when he opened them again. What choice did he have? “Ugh. Fine. Whatever gets you to leave me alone the fastest.”Your toes wiggled in your boots.He hated that he noticed.“Wheee! I’m so happy! I’ve never had anybody over ever! Like in my whole life!” Your squeals strained even his supe ears, he almost pitied the mud people who ever had to hear you do that.Why were you so casual about everything?“I’ll be back in a few hours! I’ll see you then! Hang in there. Everything will be okay!” you beamed, your heart swelling. He could feel it from where he stood. Ew.He down looked at you in disgust again. “Whatever. Get going.”“Okay! Yippie!” You squealed again as you ran off.He just stood and watched.He thought of a million excuses as he stormed off down the hall. Maybe there was a secret to your weakness inside your place. Maybe this would be his big break to get his control back.He grumbles under his breath, trying to maintain his stoic demeanor as he stomped away.You were busy zooming down the hallway in the opposite direction, happy as ever.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Your boots clunked against the shiny marble as you bounded out of the elevator.Mission time! Yippie! And then I get to have friend time!You smiled to yourself like an idiot as you ran up behind Deep and Firecracker. You smiled even wider as you slowed to a stop behind them, barely able to contain the excitement coursing through you.“Okay guys! What’re we doing?”In contrast to your chipper attitude, they nearly jumped out of their skin; Deep especially.“Jesus FUCKING Christ!” He gasped as he clutched his chest, doing his best to not pass away.Firecracker giggled as made little quotations with her hands, quickly overcoming the little scare unlike Deep. “We’re going to Manhattan. Smugglers.” You were still so grateful she didn’t seep as much jealousy as the first day. There were things she desperately wanted to ask you, but you didn’t want to go poking where you didn’t belong again.You clapped your hands together in excitement instead. “How are we getting there?”She smiled as she tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Vought’s got undercover vehicles and drivers. They’ll be takin’ us there.”As fun as it sounded, well, it didn’t sound fun.You wiggled your toes as a mischievous grin spread across your face, much to Deep’s dismay. “You know, my trucks out in the garage...” You sheepishly scuffed your boots against the ground, but that grin never left your face as you waited on their response.Deep looked between you and Firecracker, stuttering over his words. “Oh I don’t know… Vought probably wouldn’t like that-“ But Firecracker’s wide eyes soon gave way to an outburst of energy.“You drive a truck! Hell yeah! I wanna see it!” She bounced as he clasped her hands in front of her chest. “Lets go! Come on!” She beamed excitedly as she raced off towards the parking garage, her red boots clacking against the floor as she went.You smirked as you turned away from Deep to follow behind her.Should’ve figured she’d take that one hook line and sinker.Deep stuttered again, more and more hopelessness clouding his expression as he watched her bound off, excited and unstoppable. “But-But- we can’t just do that! We-“You spun around on the shiny floor like it was ice, nothing for your heavy duty boots to grip. You walked backwards as you winked at him. “Don’t worry about it!” As quick as you’d turned around, you spun back around towards Firecracker beelining to the parking garage.Deep floundered (see what I did there) in exasperation, before he dropped his shoulders and begrudgingly ran to catch up with the two of you.Keeping up with Firecracker’s pace was almost a challenge, but you did. “Do you think A-Train noticed I fixed his heart for him? Swapped out that one guys they put in him? I was waiting on him to notice earlier, but he didn’t.-“Instead of responding, she was busy practically running over to the brown truck in the corner of the garage. “Oh my God! I love it!”You gave up and grinned as you unlocked the passenger door, holding it open for her. Ah well. You didn’t need to be recognized for things.Her smile only got wider as she clambered in the passenger side. “It’s a Silverado!”“1988. She’s my baby.” You smiled. It’d been in the family longer than you had.You walked over to your side, your key making a satisfying series of clicks as it unlocked. The old door creaked as you pulled it open and took your well-worn seat. “Sorry Deep, you gotta ride in the back.” You laughed as you poked your head past Firecracker to the fish fiend standing awkwardly by the passenger side door.“Okay…” He frowned a bit as he took a step towards the tail end, already defeated.“I was kidding!” You half laughed; half yelled as you turned to the redhead. “Firecracker, scoot over.”She smiled and smushed herself closer to you. “Mind the gearshift.” You tried your best to ignore the holster stabbing you in the thigh. It’s not like you blamed her for wanting to be as far away from Deep as possible.He kept his head down as he climbed up and inside.Firecracker pulled her legs up and to the side past the gearshift as she peered down at the stereo you’d jimmy-rigged, it was actually one of your greatest achievements. CD, cassette, aux, hell, you’d of shoved your dad’s old CB in if you could’ve made it fit. You pushed your seat back as you adjusted the wheel down, and something behind Deep’s head jangled.He slowly turned his head as he looked behind the headrest hesitantly.Fishing lures and hooks hung like Christmas ornaments from a bar above a fucking gun rack.He gulped.You looked over with a smile as the engine turned over. “You ever go fishing?”His eyes went about as wide as dinner plates. He furiously shook his head as he looked back down at the ground, clenching his sweaty palms. Firecracker giggled and smiled at his reaction. Somewhere under the hood the rusty spark plugs fire and the crankshaft turns as the old thing sputtered to life.Your smile quickly turned into a grimace as you pressed the clutch and turned your attention to the gearshift. “Ohhhh righttttt.” You spoke through grit teeth, grit like the metal in the bottom of the transmission pan as it slid into reverse. “Sorry, didn’t really think about that one.”Deep just kept his face pointed at the floor. You totally did think about that one.You sighed at the flap of paper and leather as you handed Firecracker the 1982 road atlas you kept wedged under the seat “Tell me where to go, I’ll get us there.”Their laughter nearly made you miss first gear. At least somebody thought you were funny.“Are you like really old or something? Oh god, don’t tell me you’re Stormfront all over again.” Deep winced as he shifted in the seat. The 1980’s stuff really sold it, you could’ve been on Payback for all they knew.You smiled as you furrowed your brows. “Who?”“Homelander’s old girlfriend, turns out she was like the first supe ever, and a nazi.” He winced as he leaned back against the ancient leather. “He’s like, the worst with women.”Firecracker was quick with the follow up as she leaned closer to you. “Oh he is just plum awful with women! You have no idea-““You know what. Never mind. I’m good. No thanks.” You cut her off as you tried your best to shift your way out of the parking garage. It was probably easier diving a manual in San fucking Francisco.For a brief moment you concentrated on the signature of the broody hen up in his nest 99 floors up pacing his penthouse.You chuckled to yourself. Poor guy.Deep leaned forward past Firecracker on last time to interrupt your train of thought. “But you’re not like really old right?”You smiled, but it hurt to think about. “Is twenty-three old?” For all you knew, you’d be twenty-three until the end of time now.Firecracker lit up again, her holster digging farther into your thigh, but her excitement quickly diminished the more she rambled. “Oh my god! Did you like come straight out of Godolkin? No wait, we’d know you-“You grit your teeth as your calloused hands gripped the while a bit tighter. “Ahhh, I don’t wanna get into it.” The CD button clicked under your finger as you suddenly reached over and hit play. Nobody talked over C.W. McCall.For once the two of them could read the room, or cab for that matter.------♡------ Gravel caught in the tires as your truck rolled to a stop about a half mile away from the spot they’d been given. It’d been a quiet ride after that little bit there.In a measly attempt to lighten the mood a bit, you hung your arm out the window as you pointed at the hoard of vans and cameras in the distance.“Those people wayyyy over there the cameras Homelander was talking about?” you hummed. They were off eating donuts and who knows what other frillings while they waited on the action to unfold.Firecracker nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! They’ll head over after we’re done.“So, we’re just after the “bad guys”? That’s it?” You cocked a brow as your hands left the leather steering while, tucking your keys in your pocket. She nodded again. “Easy.”The three of you clambered out and made your way to the designated warehouse. It looked shoddy enough to be believable. You still couldn’t get over how Vought made 99% of everything up, but you’d work double time in your off time to make up for it you supposed.At least it wasn’t too much of a shock.Reading little bits of everyone when you’d first arrived gave you a good picture.“Those guys in there?” You asked quietly over your shoulder as you eyed them through the conveniently-cracked-open back door. I mean come on, they could’ve made it a little more fun.Deep and Firecracker nodded in unison. She cracked her knuckles and fixed her hair as she leaned back confidently. “You just hang back, and we’ll take care of it-““It’s okay, I got it.” You smiled and ran ahead through the door.“Wait! We’ve got to make it look real, we can’t just-“Deep hissed, but you already had the side door wide open for them, motioning for them to head inside behind you.“Oh, it’ll look real.” You strode in confidently, the darkness quickly enveloping you.Your voice rang through the dark, racketing off the metal on the walls. “Alright everyone. Drop your weapons, hands up.” The five smuggling actors quickly turned; weapons drawn.Just out of sight, you heard a click.But it was too late.The bullet shattered your skull and tore through your brain before the bang even echoed off the walls. Not cool.The shot rang out a second later, alongside the spatter, drip, and drop of red-hot lifeblood pouring out of what was left of the side of your head.It made sticky wet sounds as it dripped on the concrete. You watched it puddle in the dark with the one good eye you had now.Oopsie.The gun clamored on the concrete as they all froze. “Ron! You fucking idiot! You weren’t actually supposed to fire the damn thing!” Someone yelled, the sound bouncing off the inside of your shattered skull.“Ouch.” You slurred. The adrenaline and fear was clouding the air you were trying to breathe.The blood tangled in your hair, clumps of it falling forward into your eyes.You’d keep your back turned. Deep would probably faint if he saw the damage it’d done, so you just waved behind you dismissively with one hand as you used the other to shove what you could back together. “Sorry guys, didn’t see that one.”Kinda sounded like wet cabbage.They were clinging to the wall behind you in the shadows, hearts pattering.“Hey, don’t drop it, pick it up.” You shouted as you strode farther into the dark, words slowly gaining cohesion.Your bones and brains making sick noises as they put themselves back together was not helping.The would-be felon walked out into the light, his body jerking with the pistol in his hand. Even to the untrained eye, the movements weren’t normal. He heaved, wide eyed as he raised his arm unwillingly.You weren’t really thinking clearly. Looking back, it was an accident.But he wouldn’t do it again, that’s for sure.“Ron what the fuck are you doing! Get back over here!” Someone cried.Their voices were cut off when a shot rang out as he sent a bullet straight through the side of his skull, blowing the other side of his head open. His body fell limp on the floor, first to his knees, then face-flat against the concrete, blood pouring out like a fountain.Deep gagged somewhere behind you.“Not so fun huh?” You stumbled closer as your brain made the final touches to rewire itself.Firecracker and Deep watched in horror as the growing puddle of red and viscera started to shrink and the man’s head put itself back together on its own.Probably could’ve heard a pin drop if it weren’t for all the noises of viscera.His wide eyes flicked up to you as he pulled himself off the concrete up to his knees, as if nothing had happened, but he was definitely dead a second ago.“All better” you smiled.“Anybody else want to try anything funny?” You put your hands on your hips as your head finally stopped spinning.They all wanted to shake their heads, scream, anything. Too bad they couldn’t.You slowly turned your head over your shoulder to the supposed heroes here. “Come on guys!”Deep and Firecracker were pale, not willing to move a muscle.You raised your brows as you scoffed. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” You sighed as you grabbed the conveniently placed rope and bound their wrists they held out for you so willingly. Their hearts picked up as they felt vessels under their skin break, you sighed as you shut the nerves off.You thought absently about how it needed to look like a struggle.Deep and Firecracker still didn’t move.“Nighty night.” The instant you stopped to dust your hands off ceremoniously, they all slumped to the floor at once.You swiftly turned back to the two you’d left at the door.The worn soles of your boots scuffed the concrete as you strode over to Deep and Firecracker. “They’re out. Won’t remember a thing.”They didn’t move, didn’t blink.That’s when you realized the little speckles of red painted across them from earlier.“Oh gosh! I’m sorry, didn’t even notice.” You giggled as you made quick work of the spatters decorating the two of them, speeding up the cells degeneration so it flaked off like dust.It only made Deep hyperventilate more.“Hey! Hey, its okay!” You smiled as you stepped forward to place your hands on his shoulders. “Everything’s okay! Don’t go belly-up on me!”His lungs felt like someone was crushing them. His body was going numb. You just patted his shoulder again, doing nothing to slow his panic. You defiantly could, however, Homelander said ask permission before you did anything to his team, right?Maybe you were still mad about the horrible things he was thinking about earlier.“Camera crew will be here soon. I’ll head back myself. You guys can catch a ride back from Vought.” You smiled and waved as you headed back out the door you came from like nothing had happened.You twirled your keyring as you walked off, the two of them just stared blankly at each other.Deep was going to have so many nightmares later.You drove back quietly, the old transmission doing its best to fight the beginnings of rush hour. The poor old truck hated people almost as much as you did.------♡------ You smiled and swayed from your heels to your toes as you watched the elevator numbers tick up, but instead of taking you up to your apartment, it slowed to a stop.“Of course.” You thought as you stepped to the side for whoever it was.You kept your eyes on the floor, only peering up slightly after the doors opened fully.Red boots, golden eagles.Your eyes shot up, expression quickly changing in an instant. “Homelander!! Hi!!” You beamed as you flapped your sleeves happily.Homelander ran out of patience years ago.He gave you a side eye as he stepped in the elevator, turning swiftly to face the door as it closed. He rolled his shoulders as he stared straight ahead. The numbers slowly started ticking up again.You continued shifting your weight to sway back and forth to pass the time, Homelander was busy having a stare down with the door as the elevator climbed. You toyed with the ends of your sleeves, slowly leaning forward with your face pointed towards him. “Are you coming to visit me?” You chimed as you popped the buttons in and out of the buttonhole of one of the sleeves of the flannel wrapped around you.The raggedy mess of dark hair in his peripheral vision moved farther forward.He glanced over.You stood on your tip toes as you leaned the upper half of your body forward even farther as you silently begged for his attention, looking at him with that stupid smile again. “Hi!”He sighed, annoyed already. “How did the mission go?”“It went okay! Well, I died, but I left Deep and Firecracker with the camera people like you asked.” You giggled as you finally returned to a normal standing position next to him, standing proudly.Good, you listened. Wh- Hang on.His brows scrunched slightly as the elevator chimed and rolled to a stop at your floor with everyone’s living quarters, his eyes finally glancing your way to look you over. “You died?”“Ding!” You imitated the elevator as you went to walk off past him, ignoring the question.You walked straight into his outstretched arm instead.Homelander smirked. Interesting. You let your guard down around him.“We’re running a little… errand first.” His cape flowed behind him as he pushed you backwards and stepped forward to hit the button for the next floor, the roof.This would be a test.Instead of focusing on the way your tiny hands grasped his as he shoved you backwards, he quickly debated the consequences amongst himself one more time, as if he hadn’t been mulling it over all day.He could show Butcher who he was fucking with, to stay out of his way and his plans. Show you the enemy, get you in on the plan. Someone with real power to help him execute it. Or… you were going to read Butcher and his posse, turn around and kill him and destroy Vought.But you wouldn’t. You would’ve done it already.You smiled obliviously, just happy to spend time with your new friend. “What kind of errand?”His arms found their place behind his cape on the small of his back. Straightening his shoulders as he stood stiffly. He was probably a formidable sight to anyone else on the planet, all it did was make you smile. “I’m flying you to meet someone. An enemy of the seven.”You punched the palm of your hand, seriousness written all over your face. “Anemone!”
Why did he have to go through these things.
“Buckshot. This is serious.” He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “And that’s not a fucking anemone you just put in my fucking head! That’s a god damn starfish! And I told you stay out of there!”You stuck out your tongue and crossed your arms. “Projecting doesn’t count as being in it”He had a terrible feeling this wasn’t going to go well.Homelander took bigger strides than you, despite not being the tallest hero. You walked swiftly behind him as you made your way to the roof access door. The second he opened it wind whipped into the hallway.You were 100 floors away from the ground after all.But the wind wasn’t enough to drown out his commanding voice. “His name is William Butcher.”“He’s a wanted criminal, and I have a big problem with him. He wants to take down Vought. He’s a supe killer.” He turned his head, peeking at you over his shoulder just past the golden eagle on his shoulder. “But he can’t kill you, or anyone else with you around. That’s very important”“Okay…” you nodded hesitantly. “Is he scary?”
So this was how this was going to fucking go.
If you were going to be on the fucking seven, you were going to get over that ASAP. He took a deep, annoyed breath. “No.”You toyed with your sleeves again, fiddling with the buttons as you pulled them down over your knuckles. “Will there be other people there?”“Probably not. We’re going to his apartment in Manhattan.” He retorted quickly as he walked out and away from the door. You were wearing on his patience, that was for sure.You sighed as you scuffed at the rooftop. “Okay… I guess its okay. We’re just going to talk right?”He huffed again. “Yes.” The lie slipped through his teeth like it was nothing, as he whipped back around to hold up a finger and lock eyes with you. “No mind reading while we’re there. We play fair, you do what I say to do.”You nodded without another peep.He looked away as held one arm open, side carry. “Come here. It’ll only take a minute or two to get there.”You blinked at him, looking up at his face observantly.He looked back down at you, his stern eyes locking with yours. He opened his mouth to speak, but in an instant, you gravitated to him like a magnet, wrapping your tiny arms around him like he was a stuffed animal. For a split second it caught him off guard- like the power had been knocked out of him again.He caught his balance without a second thought, but god, it was still annoying. “Ugh.”That observant look was gone, replaced with a bright smile. “Gotta hold on tight, right?”He looked away again as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, scrunching his face in disgust to hide the tiniest tinge of blush on his cheeks.They were going to have to make a new word to describe how annoying you were.Before you knew it, the air was whipping by you.This was the closest you’d ever been to the clouds.You loved clouds.You decided the best course of action was tucking your head into the crook of his neck to keep the wind out of your eyes. Looking down at the city below was exciting, but your heart didn’t patter. Homelander would’ve expected you to be terrified, but you stopped being afraid of heights… uh… a while ago.He… didn’t need to know.You mused about how it was almost pretty, all the details, your mind flickering to funny things to say to try and make him smile. You tucked your face farther into the crook of his neck up against his collar as you giggled.He tucked his head down against your ruffling hair, pretending like he was annoyed. “What.”You giggled again, trying your best to hold it together long enough to get your joke out. It was’t going well. Took a minute, but you held it together long enough to speak your mind.“….You’re so airplane.”He blinked and scrunched his face. “Wh- what does that even mean?”You burst out laughing.Homelander really didn’t get it, but it was the first time he’d really seen you laugh- and you were absolutely losing it. He was absolutely immune to contagious laughter, but almost made it a challenge.Emphasis on the almost.“I can drop you.” He replied plainly with the last of his self-control, but his instincts betrayed him as he only pulled you against him tighter.Your cackling subsided to little giggles as you caught your breath. “I can drop both of us.”But before he could say anything, you spoke again giving him a little squeeze back. “But I won’t, because that would be mean, and you’re my friend.”He huffed, doing his best to ignore the fuzzy feelings that were quickly becoming overwhelming. Just a further testament to his theory. You would’ve made your move already.Your boots clunked against the concrete of Butcher’s balcony before you knew it.Homelander stood proudly, hands behind his back at parade rest. A sly grin on his face. He was confident and strong. Formidable for most, but he kinda looked like an action figure. You weren’t really sure how that was supposed to be intimidating.You peeked out from behind him like a shadow through the apartment window in front of the two of you. Homelander did his best to not notice. Maybe you being so shy wasn’t bad, you’d stay in his shadow, and never complain.It added to the grin on his face as the man inside rose from his spot on the couch.So that was Butcher.He was a lot taller than Homelander, and older. Gruff, scruffy, and rugged like a grifter. “Oi. ‘Omelanda’s here’” He huffed.You smiled at his accent; how different.You tried not to spy, but there was something deeply wrong with him. You’d never seen cancer like that before. But, even worse, there was someone else with him.“Shit! Fuck! Why is he here!” Despite the initial fear, you smiled at the scrawny guy that was sitting next to him on the couch, scrambling to stand.You tucked behind Homelander further.His eye twitched.Your heart was pattering again, over these two idiots. He could threaten you all he wanted, but he’d never get that out of you ever again.It made him angry.“I’m sorry, I hate people.” You whispered.He squinted as he committed that to memory, he’d get to the bottom of it later.The doorknobs inner mechanisms strained as Butcher jerked the door open. “What do you want ya cunt.” He furrowed his brows in confusion for a second with a crooked smile, doing a double take as he stepped back. “What did you do to your face? Vought finally make Botox strong enough for you?”Homelander’s scowl disappeared instantly, replaced with his fake Vought smile.His chest puffed out further the more he spoke. “William! Great to see you as always! May we come in? I brought someone you should meet.”Pensively, you peeked out from behind him. Butcher was disheveled to say the least. The scrawny man was a different kind of scruffy. Ironically, they were both taller than Homelander. If you weren’t so nervous, you probably would’ve laughed just a tad.You gave a little wave as their attention shifted to you, where you hid, much to Homelander’s displeasure. “Hi!”“Hi?” The scrawny man waved back, clearly confused.They weren’t bad guys. No way.Butcher stepped out of the way, gesturing inside. Eyes picking you apart. You tried your best to not do the same, peeking at the inhuman thing taking refuge inside his body. “You nabbed someone else to take advantage of?” He scoffed.Homelander’s voice was condescending as he strode inside.“William! This is the newest member of the Seven, for your information. Someone on my level. Buckshot.” He wrapped an arm around your shoulder like you two were best buddies. It made you smile, even if it was all for show, and did he love putting on a show.“Well Buckshot, this is William Butcher and Hughie Campbell. They’re both threats.” He sneered as he put particular emphasis on that last word, pulling you closer before letting you go.You stepped slightly behind him again.“Sorry love, I ain’t never heard a you.” Butcher rasped as he shut the balcony door.Homelander scoffed again. “Of course you haven’t William. Buckshot is a stone cold killer, who has been laying low for who knows how long-““Two months.” You chimed.“Two-“ Homelander paused, turning his head to gaze at you over his shoulder as he half whispered, half yelled. “What do you mean two months?”“I found out I had powers two months ago.” You whispered back innocently.You were not intimidating at all.This was going horribly.Homelander scowled. So that’s why Vought had suddenly called you.Butcher was doing his best not to laugh where he stood, with his burly arms crossed across his chest. “Jesus. Someone on your level and you don’t even know anything about em’? Love, when did you meet this cunt?”“Yesterday!” you chime again.Butcher laughed heartily this time.This is not how this was supposed to go.“That’s it.” Homelander growled. “Buckshot, show them what you can do. Specifically, that one. Butcher is mine.” The atmosphere got still as he pointed viciously at Hughie Campbell, snarling.You looked up at him. Then at Butcher and Hughie.“Okay!”Homelander practically smiled ear to ear as he stood back with his hand tucked underneath his cape, ready to watch the suffering and carnage unfold. This would work nicely. Someone who could take care of whoever he wanted.Your powers were far beyond regularly killing someone, he could hardly contain his excitement.Hughie’s clammy hands gripped the table behind him as he stepped backwards, his terrified eyes locked on yours.He didn’t have to worry though. You’d show them.Butcher squinted, his arms still crossed across his chest as he watched and waited for you to make a move, but you didn’t. He was caught off guard as Hughie suddenly inhaled sharply and grasped at his lower stomach. His eyes filled with helplessness and fear.Homelander smiled at his expression, but it quickly faded.“Wh-what?” The table creaked as he leaned back on it, pulling up his shirt. Scar tissue dispersed, capillaries rerouted themselves, and epidermal cells regenerated in their place.You smiled as the gnarly scar disappeared. “Ta-da.”“Oh, oh my god.” Hughie reached down and touched the healed skin, glancing up at Butcher in confusion before looking back at you.Homelander’s lips were stretched into a thin line as the rest of his face twitched. Of course you’d fucking do that. His voice dripped pure venom as he spoke. “That’s NOT what I was talking about.”He hissed as he whipped around to you. “Kill him!”You blinked. You didn’t like it when people were angry. “But he didn’t do anything.”Homelander seethed. “He’s done plenty. He’s out to get me- They killed Translucent!”“Who?” You tilted your head as you slowly made his body metabolize some of that adrenaline.“He- Oh my god. Just fucking kill him!” He practically shouted in exasperation as he stepped closer, but he acted afraid to move too fast, or do anything to seem too threatening.Butcher let go of any tension he held.This wasn’t like Homelander at all.“Buckshot, I will fucking toss you into the goddamn stratosphere-“He growled, accentuating every word, but his rage was wavering.You looked up at him with sad eyes, those same ones he hated seeing. Your voice was quiet as your brow furrowed. Hughie probably didn’t hear, but Butcher did.“Why would I let you do that?”Poor choice of words.Butcher laughed, his aching lungs burning as his attention shifted from the two of you while he felt for the cigarettes in his pocket. “Don’t you worry cunt. You’ve got your point across.”Hughie was still breathing hard, trying to wrap his head around whatever just happened, a stark contrast to Butcher’s confidence.Homelander turned on a dime, starring daggers at Butcher.The older man’s voice was gravely as shifted his gaze to you instead. “Listen love. Vought and this guy here are bad news. We all are.” A few more shakes of his shirt and the pack shuffled out of his pocket.Homelander stood and watched quietly as Butcher stepped back over to the balcony door.You blinked as you toyed with your sleeves.Homelander took a few steps forward, his expression never wavering. This would be a losing fight. He growled as he motioned for you to follow him, finally breaking the staredown. “We’ll be back Butcher.”The fact that he was going to just leave like that said a hundred words.Butcher smirked. He understood now.You turned your head and smiled as you walked past the two of them. “I like your Bon Jovi shirt!” You whispered to Hughie.“Billy Joel actually.” Hughie laughed, a confused smile on his face.Homelander rolled his shoulders back on the patio, rage in his voice as he kept his back turned. “Buckshot.”You ran over hurriedly, wrapping your arms around him again. You gave a tiny smile and wave to Hughie and Butcher. The second he looked up to fly, and you were sure he wouldn’t notice, you whispered to the two of them mentally, eyes meeting theirs as you peeked over his shoulder.“Sorry about him! He’s a little grumpy today! I don’t think you guys are so bad!”You were both gone in an instant.“Oh my god. I didn’t- did you-?” Hughie stammered, the little smile on his face replaced with confusion again as he stepped out on the balcony behind Butcher.The older man’s lighter clicked as he lit his cigarette, elbows baring his weight on the railing. “Telepathy.”Hughie gulped, his mind racing as he recounted the horrible things he’d been through already. “Like Mindstorm.”“Something like that. The cunt won’t admit it, but he’s terrified. I’ve never seen anyone push his buttons like that. Not even his handlers at Vought. I think it’s got something to do with whatever that was.” He huffed as he pointed down to Hughie’s abdomen and put his elbows back on the railing, looking out at the sky you two flew off in. “Bet you anything that’s why he looks so much younger too. He was testing the waters. See what she would be willing to do.”He tucked his lighter back in his shirt pocket as he repeated your words from earlier. “Why would I let you do that. Let you.”Hughie gripped the rails. “She’s… stronger than him.”“Not like any other supe I’ve ever seen.” Butcher took a long draw. “We’ve got a lot of digging to do.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was a quiet flight back after that mess at Butcher’s.If anything, you thought it went alright.Homelander set you down on the roof of Vought tower and crossed his arms.He found himself in such a predicament with you, it was frustrating to say the least.His blue eyes stared at you with more distain than should be physiologically possible. “You were supposed to show them how terrifying you are. How easily you could end them. Not embarrass me!” He growled, but there wasn’t much bite in his voice, just defeat.You looked down for a moment, ashamed of disappointed someone, but what could you do? “I think they got the right idea.” You gave a little tiny smile as you fiddled with the buttons of your sleeves again. “I don’t like killing people.”He growled and stormed off past you, his shiny red leather boots trotting lightly across the rough surface of the rooftop. There was still enough venom in his voice to kill a small animal. “Yeah. I fucking noticed.”Homelander was caught between a rock and a hard place. You’d be so sweet one second and then not listen! That’s not how this is supposed to work!Before he had any more time to sulk, he heard the heavy boots scampering up behind him. “Are you still coming over for dinner?” You were doing those little begging eyes behind his back; he could feel it.He huffed. What could he do about it anyway.Since it was obviously going to take a lot to get you to be part of the master plan, he might as well try to find some weakness of yours. And totally not come over just because nobody has ever invited him over ever and he was slightly fascinated with-Fuck.He stopped and hung his head in defeat. “Fine.”------♡------You giggled as you ran to get ahead of him after you stepped off the elevator.This was going to be so fun!Your boots squeaked to a stop in front of your apartment. You clasped your hands behind your back as you leaned forward again, barely able to contain the nervousness and excitement eating you alive. “I’m so happy!” You cheered.Homelander’s gaze shifted to your apartment behind the walls as he made his way towards you, catching up in a matter of steps. He’d convinced himself he was doing this to find a way to get control over you.He needed to remember that.You paused just as you were about to swipe the little keycard, oblivious to his ulterior motives. Slowly, you turned to look up at him. “Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t wanna make you nervous.”He looked down with disgust, unable to hide how offended he was. “Make me nervous? Me? I’m appalled.” You had to of noticed his heart beating just a little bit harder than normal, but he could see yours doing the same.He stuck his nose up at you, peeking through the wall one more time to make sure some Tek-Knight dungeon nightmare hadn’t magically manifested itself on the other side of the door, but all you did was laugh.It was just as sickening.You smiled widely as you swiped the keycard, doing your best to smother any nervousness with the blanket of excitement. “Okay then, come in!”------♡------The apartment was already full of everything you loved.Books, plants, a couple pieces of well-loved furniture. Taxidermy and Christmas lights hung from the walls in haphazard fashion. It was almost like his penthouse, not an empty space.But this was different.This was... warm and happy.You gave Homelander a mini tour. Showing him your records, your books, your stuffed real and fake animals, and your little kitchen. It was so unbelievably cozy, and the space already somehow smelled like you.He hated how fuzzy he felt.It was almost enough to make him forget about the fiasco earlier, for now.“I’ll make us dinner! I got groceries earlier!” You ran to the kitchen excitedly as he stood quietly in the little living area. You practically threw the chicken in the oven to hurry back over to him. It almost made him smile.He mused over how silly the whole thing was. "I could get them to bring us up whatever we wanted, lobster tails, steak-""No thanks, I make you dinner!" You smiled as you flapped your sleeves.You were actually going to make him dinner, something homemade, just for him. Had anybody ever really done that?He puffed his chest out confidently to get over his feelings. “You know, I could totally cook that for you in a second.”You tried to pretend to think for a minute, but it quickly turned into a laugh. “Hm. No.”You told him about everything!Everything you owned had a story, and it wasn’t something taken out of a history book like anything he had in his penthouse. Almost all of it wasn’t even yours- it came from family. It made him feel sick.That’s all you talked about was your family.That must be how he could get to you.Your actual books were interesting. Apparently you were going to school to be a doctor or something before you found out you had powers. He still couldn’t get over that part- two months.How does someone like you just- never figure it out?You showed him each of your stuffed animals. Absolutely infatuated with each one you held like they were your friends or something. He tried his best to not comment on how stupid this all was, but part of him, albeit begrudgingly, never wanted it to stop.Finally, you picked up your oldest stuffed animal and held him out for Homelander to see.“This is Bug. Bug is a very good friend of mine, and I can’t sleep without him.” The words were hard to say aloud, and tears threatened to well in your eyes. But there was special determination as you spoke.“He will protect you and love you forever. He’s very important, but I trust you.” Every word you said stabbed through him like a knife. Without really thinking, he gently grasped the little stuffed deer you held out so eagerly.He hated that he took it from you.He knew he looked ridiculous, big strong Homelander holding a little stuffed animal. Your stuffed animal. That starved human part of him wanted to hug it until it gave him the same comfort it gave you, but he held that part of him under lock and key.Taking the stuffed deer didn’t even compare to you having him lay on your bedroom floor while you closed the floor length blinds, showing him the glow in the dark stars you had stuck to the ceiling in mock constellations.It took a lot of convincing to get him to lay there, let alone step foot in your bedroom.He critiqued the placement of each one, but all you did was laugh again.It was starting to give him those butterfly things people talked about.Either that or he was having a heart attack.Maybe that would be better.You took his gloves and set them aside as you guided him to sit on the couch among the pillows and stuffed animals you scattered out in the living area. It was soft and comfortable in ways he never thought he’d feel sitting amongst them, you offered him a blanket too, not like he needed it.The couch squeaked as you scooted closer to him to show him your tiny video game thing.You tried your best to explain animal crossing, but you kept getting distracted. You sat and tapped the snapping turtle to your hearts content, smiling and laughing all the while as it hissed. “Look it’s just like you and me!”He had to admit, it kind of was. He thought about how Ryan loved video games as you laughed, how much he would like you.The more he thought about it the warmer his heart got.Nothing felt real to him right now. Maybe it wasn’t real.Maybe he’d finally lost it before you got here.“You didn’t, I promise.” you giggled.He was taken aback for a moment, but his expression quickly changed. “Hey! Get out of there!” He swatted you away like it did something, but it almost turned into a laugh at the end. “I’m still not convinced you’re not always listening.”You giggled as you motion with your hands. “I imagine myself turning a dial on a radio. Comes in like signal. When I don’t want to listen I just flip the switch and the static stops.” There was a little lighthearted grin growing across your face. “Some thoughts are loud and intense so even if I don’t have my little radio on, I hear them! Some are quiet, and some are just feelings. When I want to say something, I imagine myself talking into a little CB!”“Interesting.” He hummed, his tone changing to intimidation. “Have you already gone through everything I think about?”You twiddle your fingers, oblivious to any act he’s trying to put up. “I try to stay out of everybody’s business. Especially yours. But I’ve got an idea of what goes on up there.” You giggle, one that was almost growing on him.You talked about your home, all your memories of running wild in the woods or stupid things you and your dad had done. You showed him the scars you’d meticulously make sure to keep every time you regenerated. Different animals you’d had, all the things you liked to do.He’d never had anything like that, and he was jealous.Maybe that’s why the question crossed his mind.It would be the beginning of his own undoing, weather he knew it or not.He crossed his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the pillows, studying your every move. “Why’d you leave?”But you didn’t have some crazy thing to say, or story.For once in the entire time he’d been there, you paused.Your demeanor changed instantly as you looked up at him and then away. In the brief moment you’d met his eyes, yours were full of sadness. It was almost like he could feel it too, like that fuzzy feeling he got every time you touched him, or you did something nice.But this was bad. It… hurt.He hated himself for it.You gripped and unclasped your hands, your nose twitching as you shook your head. “I didn’t… I didn’t… belong there anymore, so uh… when Vought called, I just got a feeling I might belong here instead.”He didn’t prod further.For some odd reason, it really bothered him when you got sad, for some reason he still couldn’t place. And all he knew was he wanted it to stop. “It’s okay. I feel like that all the time.”You put on a record to play while you cleaned up a bit. Homelander didn’t seem to mind.It was better than whatever he’d accidentally triggered a minute ago.He watched you busy yourself around your apartment as he sat out of place.He took notice of the way your eyes moved, how your hair bounced just above your shoulders, the way you moved around.You didn’t act like anyone he’d ever met before.If anything, you move around like some wild animal.There’s the especially stupid way you wiggle your toes in your shoes every time you’re happy. You lift your head to look at him, but he quickly looks away, mentally berating himself for paying you any attention at all.He tries to think of other things, so he doesn’t get any more attached, or something equally ridiculous.There was something different about you. Really different.Homelander's mind replays the memories of you paralyzing him, taking control of him yesterday. He tries to be angry, but he can’t. That’s why you did it, because he was angry- ready to kill you.What if he would’ve? What if you weren’t able to regenerate, and he snapped the neck of the only person who ever would’ve cared about him?As much as he tries to stop it, his thoughts shift instead to you using your powers the second time, taking a couple years off him. He stared in the mirror for half the day today thinking about it.It took a heavy weight off his shoulders.You’d fixed Noir, made A-Train’s heart his again, gave Ashley her hair back, hell, you’d even healed Hughie, even though he was still mad about it. For what? Just because?Deep had disgusted you, and Sage had doubted you, so you hadn’t done anything for them.You could be the judge, jury, and executioner if you wanted.And that was all yesterday and today, fuck.“Hey Buckshot?” He asked as he looked out the window, straight ahead from where he rested on the couch, still buried in the stuffed animals and pillows.You hummed back somewhere over his shoulder.“Can you make someone live forever? Like how you de-aged me yesterday?” His voice is quiet as he asks another heavy, sudden question. Hopefully this one didn’t set something off in you.“Probably.” You hum, dishes clatter in the sink.It’s so casual. Its so strange.He speaks again, even quieter this time. “Do you think you’ll live forever?”There was a long pause, and for a second, he was nervous he’d said something else he shouldn’t of.“No.” You sigh suddenly. As far as you were concerned, your life was over.This was purgatory.Well, he wasn’t expecting that answer.Instead of thinking, he focuses on the music playing quietly. He usually hates the stuff, but it’s your records, and its noise to distract him from everything.He hates that he doesn’t mind.Giving in, he huffs and closes his eyes, leaning his head back on the couch to space out. You’re busy organizing books by who owned them before you across the room now, humming along.
There's a place, where lovers go
To cry their troubles away.
And they call it lonesome town, where the broken hearts stay.
You can buy a dream or two, to last you all through the years,
And the only price you pay, is a heart full of tears.
Your humming turned into quiet singing as the song went on, the pages of the books you skimmed through gently passing along your fingertips. It was almost graceful, he tried not to focus on you, but it was impossible.
Going down to lonesome town, where the broken hearts stay.
Going down to lonesome town, to cry my troubles away.
In the town of broken dreams, the streets are filled with regret.
Maybe down in lonesome town, I can learn to forget.
Your voice made him feel strange things again, your voice like a siren song. He loved your voice, he could listen to you tell him stories all day and sing little songs-“Fuck!” He yelled to himself this time, pulling himself out of whatever he was feeling.You climb over the back of the couch and sit next to him. “Do you not like Ricky Nelson?”He couldn’t help the little scream he let out as he jumped, floating just above the couch. His hands flew to his mouth in an instant. How did you keep fucking doing that? When did you even walk back there?Your eyes twinkled as you looked up at him, your hands covering your own mouth to hide your little smile, as if he couldn’t still see it. He hated, Oh for fucks sake- he adored it as you laughed. That’s probably the only thing that kept him from storming off. “I’m sorry! Come back down, I didn’t mean to!”He set back down on the couch, pulling the little deer into his arms as he nested deeper into the pile of pillows and stuffed animals. How embarrassing. Nobody on the fucking planet could sneak up on him except you.Before he can say anything, you speak again, tilting your head to the side. “Do you like it here?”The couch creaks as you pull your legs up to sit criss-cross. He just keeps looking at you like you’re the strangest person he’s ever met, which you are, by far.But you’re so… docile. And calm and sweet all the time. It’s such a contrast to your abilities, and he still can’t wrap his head around it all.His mind reels, his thoughts a scattered mess. I hate it here. I don’t ever want to leave. I hate you. Can I stay with you forever?You wait quietly as play with your sleeves. He pretends to not notice, like how he’s been pretending this whole time.He shows no emotion through his façade, despite the war going on in his mind, finally giving in to utter something to get your eyes off him. “I feel out of place.”You smile patiently, that smile he hates- no- he never wants to stop seeing.“Me too. But nothing here belongs, if you haven’t noticed. I think you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” You pause, and those eyes of yours lock with his again.The feelings so strong it feels like you’re ripping a hole straight through his chest.“I’ll always want you here.” You smile. They were words you’ve always wanted to hear, that you offer to everyone else. Your heart ached, a constant bleeding wound. He couldn’t ignore the tension in your chest anymore, but everything you said to him practically strangled his own heart.He blinks and his expression falters almost instantly, he’s fighting with everything he has to not let tears form, but they were starting to blur the corners of his vision no matter how hard he tries.You talked like you always knew what he needed to hear.“Are you ready to talk about earlier?” You tilt your head and play with your hands, shifting your weight to lean into the pile of pillows behind you. “What made you so upset? I’ve got a feeling it wasn’t just me.”His face twitches as he looks away. That was right.That’s why you’d wanted him here.He wants to be angry and defensive like usual, but his voice doesn’t come off that way, as much as he wants it to. “It was nothing.”You hum in understanding.Homelander’s thoughts bounced around between lots of things, ruined plans, Ryan, Soldier boy, Butcher, and Stan. Back when he said he was “bad product”- that’s exactly what it was.You were stronger than him, his replacement. That’s why he’d brought you here.Why did things have to keep happening to him?He got angry again. He was right back where he started, and worse off.His fighting spirit was back. His brows furrowed as he leaned back and crossed his arms, doing what he could to protect what was left of his damn dignity. “I don’t want your help.”You gave him that same reassuring smile that he loved and hated at the same time.“I understand. I’m here if you need me.” Before Homelander could grovel to much longer, you grabbed a pillow to hold. “Wanna talk about something else instead?”He grunts.You’ll wait, you’re patient.Instead of pestering further, you squeeze the pillow tighter as you wrap your body around it. “I’m happy Vought moved me stuff here and let me decorate.”He still couldn’t believe you’d wanted all this, but he guessed he couldn’t understand something like that.You’d probably faint if you saw his multi-million-dollar penthouse upstairs.“Yeah. It has it’s perks I guess.” He clears his throat, his voice a little gruffer than he wanted it to be. “Where did you live before?”You chuckle while you wring your hands. “The mountains.”There's something stirring behind your eyes that Homelander doesn’t like, and he’s awful at small talk. He already knew it was a bad question, but he couldn’t think of anything else. “Ever been to the real city before?”You curled in on yourself, holding onto the pillow in your lap like a lifeline. “I had to for college. I don’t like it. Makes me feel like… I’m dying.”You looked up at him with those stupid doe eyes again, the stirring emotion behind your eyes swirling into a whirlwind.Dying.Yeah.All over again, all the time.You sigh before he gets the chance to say anything. “I get really scared. That’s why I’ve been hiding in here.” You pull the sleeves and collar of your old flannel shirt up, peeking over it at him. It makes him chuckle. “Smells like home, feels like home. I surround myself with it.” You flap your sleeves as you gesture around the room.It makes him smile.He supposed it was like his little collection of things in his penthouse. Maybe that was normal for people after all. Either that or you were both weird- at least you were the weirder one.If anything, it explained a lot about you.Your stupid clothes, the stupid things you hoarded, the stupid way you smelled like freedom and happiness and made him feel all fuzzy and warm- ugh. There he went again, off the deep end.Weakness! Way to get control! He had to remember that!Homelander pretended to think absentmindedly, as he reminded himself of his whole purpose of letting this stupid interaction happen. “What was it like in the mountains?” He asked as if he hadn’t seen them, he’d been about everywhere, especially when they first let him loose. For a fleeting moment he wondered if he’d ever seen you before. Running around wild despite thinking you were powerless.You shrug, but your body language doesn’t change. You’re still curled up in your shirt, holding onto the pillow in your lap like you’re not the most powerful little thing on the planet, practically ripping chunks out of him the more you talk. “Normal, I suppose.”It’s a lie, Homelander can tell.He decides to ignore it just this once since you’re letting him prod.“What about your family?”Theres a pause. Just like the one earlier. For a second you stop breathing, your eyes locked on the fuzzy rug you’d put in front of the couch, and Homelander swears he sees something flash through his mind like film, but it’s too fuzzy to tell.“I uh… loved my dad, more than anything.” Your voice is quiet as you curl in on yourself further. “I never really got to see the rest of them much.”There's intense, raw emotion in your voice he’s only heard a handful of times.Not to mention the tension in you, tight enough to rip a heart in two.He thought before was bad, but this hurt worse. “He wasn’t home much because he’d go on runs for days, if not weeks at a time. But, when he did come home, we’d go on little adventures, just us.”Despite the feeling, there’s a tiny smile growing on your face. “He brought me things from the outside, like Bug, and the little video game I showed you. They’re very special to me. We didn’t have much, but I don’t like having a lot. He loved me, and I loved him. It was all we ever needed.”Unbridled emotion, dripping honesty. He wasn’t used to seeing that in people.His mind wondered what “the outside” meant.You were quick, relaxing a bit as you held your hands out in front of you, releasing your death grip even if it was just for a second. “I’m glad they give you so much here though, you deserve it.” You’re smiling, but your eyes are still sad.Homelander shifts uncomfortably under your gaze; his arms cross impossibly tighter across his chest as he tries to maintain his usual air of nonchalance and detachment. But whatever you’re doing- it makes it almost impossible even for him.He feels strangely vulnerable here in a way he hates. He grunts in response, his gaze shifting away. “It’s not about deserving, its about being the best. Vought rewards me accordingly.” He mutters, trying his best to stick up his nose and believe what he says.You hum with a little smile on your face as you shift your gaze away from him too. “Yeah, you are the best.”It’s quiet for a second. Something in his chest wells.Before he can think anymore, your little voice, filled with vulnerability and honesty stabs him again. “I feel better around you. I don’t know why.”He smiles just a tad. The feeling is mutual, but he can’t bring himself to say it out loud.You both sit in silence for a while, it’s nice, but you can’t help but break it.“Would you believe me if I told you I only want to help you? Nothing else? Not out of pity, not for my gain or Vought’s, but just because I want to?” You squeeze the pillow you hold tight again, hoping this isn’t the straw that breaks the camel’s back. “Everyone has something to gain from me. You’re no different.” He scoffs, skepticism and mistrust written all over his face. He couldn’t help but think about how he always ends up being used, somehow, some way. “And I told you I don’t want your help.”Quiet again. Different quiet.“Maybe I do have something to gain.” You pause as you toy with a loose string, rolling it between your fingers. “I’d love to have a real friend in this world. I don’t think I’ve ever had one before. That, and I really like being around you. I don’t feel like all the attention is on me. I don’t feel alone and different.”You’re looking at him with those sad eyes again.It probably feels better being gutted, or anything equally brutal, than feeling the things you make him feel. He can’t really think of the right words, and his mouth can’t really say what he wants to.“You’re too nice.”It lacks his usual venom.You smile just a little bit, never taking your eyes off him. “My dad used to tell me I was too nice.”“Yeah. He’s right.” He keeps his arms crossed defensively, but the usual spit in his voice still hasn’t returned. You really were too nice. For what? Is it all really just because?Why’d he never get to feel the same satisfaction you did? He worked hard; he tried his best.You both sit in silence again.You’re looking at the floor now, holding the pillow tightly.“You can leave if you want. But I don’t want you to.”No one ever truly wants his company, he thinks, but he stays still. Part of him has wanted to run since he stepped foot in here, but part of him can’t deny he wants to stay anymore. Wants you to keep talking to him, telling him everything he’s ever wanted to hear.At least he’s not leaving.You relish the silence for a while, it was good. But you had a burning question in the back of your mind, even if you already felt like you knew the answer.“Who’s John?”Homelander laughs nonchalantly, but you watch his body shift. He still acts like you can’t read him.He waves his hand and looks off, “Never heard of him.” You can’t possibly be talking about him.You wring your hands again as the spur of words practically fall out of your mouth.“it-was-on-a-paper-in-Stan's-office” It’s the fastest Homelander’s ever heard you speak, while you look off to the ceiling in the most telltale admission of guilt he’s ever seen in his life. “I-might've-snuck-over-there-earlier.”He slowly turns his head towards you, not sure what to expect. Rage bubbles inside of him for a moment, he’s so tired of being played with. “I told you to stop messing with people, so you go and snoop the old-fashioned way?”You lock eyes with him, guilty as ever. But you ignore the question.“It’s you, isn’t it?”He looks away as he crosses his arms tighter. “No- no its not. Not anymore.” His resolve wears. He gets it now. You’re tugging at something deep within him that he’s been trying to ignore for too long. That sick, shriveled, bit of him deep down that’s still human. Impossible to starve out, and its clawing and digging at him from the inside out. “I hate that name.”You shift and lay your head sideways against this pillow you’ve had your chin buried in the last 10 minutes. Your raggedy hair cushions the side of your face as you gaze up at him.“I think it’s a good name. That was my dad's name.” You smile as you clutch the pillow tighter.Your hearts beating differently, and your chest is tightening again.“That’s why it caught my eye. He gave me my name; it was my little nickname.”He felt tinges of guilt, among other things, as he glanced back and forth between you and the window. He’s in turmoil. Absolute turmoil.Another glint lights in your eyes as you look up at him. “Will you let me do something else for you?”His thoughts fight amongst themselves.No. Not doing this again.This isn’t what we came here for you fucking idiot!Please, do whatever you want to me.Ugh.Maybe it’s something about the sincerity in your voice, the way you look at him with a mixture of compassion and determination, all mixed in those sad eyes of yours. Maybe it’s the way your freckles look like stars, and the whole world reflects in your eyes.For a tiny moment, he wonders if maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be bad to give in to you.You’ll probably do whatever you want anyway, and you’re just going to keep pestering him. But you wouldn’t do whatever you wanted; you wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt him- God he couldn’t do this anymore!That stupid human part of him was fucking starving.Homelander swallowed hard. Just this one time. He’d give in.His pride was wearing with the need for some kind of relief as he struggled to come to terms with…vulnerability. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of internal conflict, he looks at you, his voice low and grudging. “Fine. Do what you want, but don’t expect me to thank you for it.” He forces out through gritted teeth.You set your pillow aside and climb across the couch to him, smiling more the closer you get like some kind of horrifically adorable animal. “Don’t worry! I’m someone you never have to thank!”He gets more nervous the closer you get, and it takes everything he has to hold his ground and sit still instead of scrambling backwards.“Just trust me.” You mutter quietly as you sit before him for a minute. You tucked your legs underneath yourself, your hands gently resting on top of your thighs.His brow furrows in confusion. What? You’re just going to sit there and stare at him like that now?In a heartbeat you throw your arms up and grin at him. The world really does reflect in your eyes.Of course that’s what you wanted. To embarrass him again.Against better judgement he scoots just a hair closer. Nobody had to see.He doesn’t have a second to breathe, let alone think, before one hand finds itself in his hair, your fingers tangling in the dark roots. The other wraps around his back, pressing his body against yours as you wrap him in a bear hug like he’s one big stuffed animal. You practically drag him to meet you halfway.If anything had ever truly made his heart skip a beat in his life, it was this.The first real, sweet, and most intoxicating hug he’d ever been given.This is a million times more intimate than flying earlier, or that hug the first day. Hell, you’ve got his face pinned in the crook of your stupid neck, and you’re clouding every sense he has.You bury your face in that spot just where his cape rests across his shoulders. “I know you hate this. I’m sorry you’ve been treated so bad. Its not fair. Please let me try to make it better.”Homelander isn’t sure if he can get any tenser. His entire body is rigid. He spreads the fingers of his right hand as he stares at the wall.Nope, not paralyzed.He’s not used to the warmth of another person, their blood spattered across him maybe, but not being held so tenderly. For a moment he considers pulling away, pushing you off and snarling for daring to invade his personal space again. For daring to invade his privacy. But you’re holding him so sweetly, it makes him hesitate.It’s not like anything he’d ever felt from anyone, ever.Despite his instincts screaming not to, he slowly relaxes into your embrace, his body gradually uncoiling from its defensive pose as he allows himself to lean into your touch. He puts his hands on your back hesitantly, it’s funny how much of your back they took up.He hates how good it feels.Nothing has ever felt like it before.The intoxicating feelings he got every time you touched him were inescapable, but the more he relaxed, the less it felt like they were eating him alive. It felt like safety, and warmth, something he’d never truly gotten to feel before. Stronger than anything he’d ever felt. Ever.Maybe he’s just that touched starved.His mind wagged war with itself. He despises how much he craves the simple human contact he’s been denied for so long. The way your fingers feel in his hair, and how your hand on his back seemed to melt away the tension and anger that’s been building up in him for years. But he doesn’t ever want it to stop.He hesitantly squeezes back.“You’re doing something, aren’t you.” He sighs, letting the weight of his head fall against you.He feels so helpless.He grits his teeth, telling himself hes only allowing this because it’s easier than fighting against you, but deep down he knows there's more to it than that. There's a part of him, a small persistent part, that’s getting drunk on the comfort and affection you’re offering to him, no matter how much he tries to deny it.“Not this time. Just a hug” You smile and snuggle against his warm body, despite the metal eagle poking your cheek. He wouldn’t have been mad at you for lying this time, it made him feel even more ashamed. But you speak again. “Thank you, Homelander, for trusting me.”He grumbles under his breath, still resentful of the fact that he’s allowing himself to be comforted at all, let alone by someone who could end up being an enemy.You gently squeeze him just a little tighter, your voice almost mesmerizing. “Want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours now?”It’s intoxicating.He grumbles, but it doesn’t do any good as you card your fingers through his hair and rub his back. It feels so undeniably intense. His defenses slowly crumble under the weight of your gentle nature and persistence, the walls he’s spent years putting up around him.You’ve got to be doing something to him.It’s the only explanation his mind can willingly believe.His chest rises and falls against yours as he struggles to put his thoughts and emotions into words. Trying to unscramble the tangled mess is impossible. “It’s complicated.” He mutters, his voice low and quiet, something he’d let very few people hear. “You wouldn’t understand.”His chest aches. He wants to pull away, retreat, go hide. Go back into his shell of arrogance and bravado, but he doesn’t want to let go.He never wants to let go.“I’m a lot too. I want to understand.” You smile against his shoulder, light and happy as you hold him. “Let me make it easier? “Let me help?” You take your hand off his back and move it to his chest, gently tapping where his heavy heart is, your calloused fingertip brushing against the expensive blue fabric.His breath hitches. He wants to run away. But he can’t bring himself too.Why exactly does he keep running into the same fucking brick wall? Why?Despite his better judgement, his instincts, everything, he nods.There's no turning back now.“Just tell me if you need to stop.” You press your palm to his chest, its warmth spreading across him.The ache dulls. You might as well of reached in and grabbed the damn thing.His head spins.You’re still holding him, going back to rubbing his back gently. It’s the same feelings as before on steroids.His instincts scream at him to resist, but he can’t. He’s unable to fight against it, even if he wanted to.Somehow the calmness sinks into his bones, the tension slowly drains from his muscles, and the ache in his chest eases completely.It’s like a sedative.He feels the edges of his usual sharpness dull, numbing the pain he carries. It’s impossible for him to hold onto his defenses now, they slip past him like nothing. He still hates how you’re able to easily manipulate him like this, but at the same time he can’t deny the relief that washes over him.The weight of his burdens and worries aren’t on his shoulders anymore.It’s enough to give him a headache.You gasp. “Oh, I’m sorry. I did it a little too fast.” You smile as you rub the back of his head, and he can’t help but lean into your touch. The little headache fades away, replaced by pure bliss. “Are you doing okay?”He lets out a shuddering breath, his head dropping back down to rest against your shoulder as he surrenders to the feeling of peace and security that your powers are providing him. “I’m so much more than okay.” He sighs. For once in his life, he allows himself to be vulnerable in a way he’s never done before. Your arms tighten around him, and he doesn’t feel fear of judgement or rejection. His expression softens. “It feels like… I don’t even know…”“I’d imagine it’s something like a light dose midazolam or benzodiazepine.” You giggle.His eyes flutter as he tries to lift his head back up. “You don’t get to feel it?”You shake your head gently. “It’s just for you, I’ll take care of you.”Maybe letting you in like this isn’t a terrible thing after all.You were like magic. He smiled as he snuggled deeper into your embrace. This was so perfect.“Its going to be okay John. There’s nothing I won’t understand.” You hold him tight as you rub reassuring circles on his back, doing your best to apply enough pressure through the padding.Homelander's breath hitches, the sound of that name on your lips sends a strange shiver down his spine. No one has ever said it like you.It fills a void somewhere.Homelander closes his eyes, giving in.His voice is low and halting at first as he starts to speak, but gradually it gains strength and momentum as the words spill out of him like a dam that’s been broken. He sobs, and holds you as tight as he can, but you don’t buckle.The stories fall from his lips about the bad room and the lab. The feelings of powerlessness and helplessness that consume him, his desperate need for control and validation.It should feel like pulling teeth, but it doesn’t.He went on about Madelyn, Stormfront, Soldier Boy, Ryan and Butcher. He tried in the beginning, and for a long time he still tried, everything just always went wrong.Something always went wrong.He tried to feel like they wanted him to, to be happy. He just… couldn’t.It didn’t matter what he did, the outcomes were always the same.All the while, you listen patiently, your arms wrapped around him tightly, giving him the occasional reassurance. “Keep talking, you’re safe with me.” Countering deep seated self-doubts, fallacies, delusions. Your powers keep him about as calm as you can, keeping him grounded and anchored. It’s a lot, really.You feel a warm drop slide down your lip.Ah. Damn.You’re getting tired.But it’s just too bad; your body can cry you a river.You hold him a little tighter, despite your body straining to hold its durability against his strength. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve what happened down there.”He scoffs.How can you tell him it’s not his fault when he’s spent his entire life blaming himself for everything that’s gone wrong. When he’s spent years telling himself that he deserved everything he endured, that he was weak and pathetic for not being able to stand up for himself, or fight back against the people that hurt him the most?But there’s something inside him starting to shift, even if it’s only ever-so-slightly.For the first time in a long time, he allows himself to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, you’re right. Maybe he wasn’t to blame for the things that happened to him. Maybe he was just a victim of circumstance, dealt a shitty hand and did the best he could to survive in a world that never gave him the tools to be what they wanted him to be, and was never kind to him.It stirs a whirlwind of emotions in him that he’s long since buried deep beneath layers of anger and self loathing. He clings to you tighter, his grip desperate as he grapples with the feelings and vulnerabilities that your words have unleashed within him.You wipe the blood dripping down your lip against the flannel on your shoulder.“Do you want to hear a story? It might make you feel better.” You hum as you rest your head against his shoulder.Homelander hesitates for a moment. He’s not sure what kind of story you could possibly tell him that would make him feel better, but he’s willing to give it a shot if it means distracting himself from the storm of emotions that are churning inside him.He takes a deep breath, and nods. His grip finally relaxed.You sigh and begin. “There was this little girl that lived in an old trailer, in the mountains.”He knew right away that little girl was you. He wasn’t stupid.It’s like he could see what you talked about, even though his eyes were open.“She uh.. she wasn’t supposed to happen, wasn’t… wanted. Her mom blamed her for ruining her life, and her dad’s life. The little girl had bad blood, poisoning her, killing her.” You hugged Homelander tighter.His emotions were slowly being enveloped by yours, even if you weren’t meaning to.“They tried giving her V to try and make something out of her, but no one could tell it worked. Not even her, for a long time.” You sighed. “Her mother beat her, starved her, locked her away. An embarrassment, a burden. Her father was the only person who cared about her. Her only friend. But she only got to see him every once and again because he had to work himself to death to pay the bills.”The nosebleed was getting horribly annoying.“Her house was dirty, there was never any food, she wasn’t allowed to leave until she was older, and that was only for school. Every inch her mom would give, her dad would take a mile to try and get her out of there.”Homelander thought hard about earlier. Ah. The outside.You continued. “She never learned how to talk to people or take care of herself. She made friends with the animals and the bugs, and she loved the sky and the trees. Despite everything, all she ever wanted to do was help, like how uh… nobody ever helped her. All she could do was blame herself for everything, and always told herself she deserved to be alone and unloved. That’s why no one ever came to save her.” You pause, it hurts, but you’re too sad to cry.You don’t do it much anymore.All of the sudden, all Homelander could think about was when he went exploring every place he could when he was let out. Why didn’t he see you? You would’ve been there. It was something like… guilt. Someone who would give him all the love and attention he’d ever wanted was suffering, and he was off doing who knows what.You wanted to say he was feeling guilty for regretting never saving a regular person, but he wasn’t ready for that yet.Waves of anger and sympathy coursed through him. The thought of you, so sweet and compassionate as you are, being subjected to abuse and neglect makes his blood boil. It’s something he rarely felt, let alone this intensely.You’d grown up in your own bad room.He pulls back slightly from your embrace, his eyes searching your face as he tries to process the enormity of what you’ve just shared with him. There’s someone else on this planet that experienced something similar to him, someone strong as him, someone that was everything he’d ever wanted.There's a mix of disbelief and sorry in his gaze, mingled with a hint of understanding that comes from recognizing the scares of trauma in another person. It’s all new feelings. He wants to say something, offer some comfort, but he doesn’t know how.That’s when he finally notices.“You’re bleeding!” His eyes are compassionate, it’s something you’ve never seen in him before. “Why’re you bleeding?”You laugh. “Overdoing it makes me uh… get a little woozy.”His brows furrow, but his eyes are still sweet. There’s concern etched into his face, another thing very few people got to see. “It doesn’t smell right. There's… there’s something wrong.”“It’s okay, it’ll stop in a minute. You can come back; you don’t have to worry about it.” You smiled as you held your arms out farther, but this time he wrapped his arms around your sides instead. That limit you’d talked about before, was that it?He tried to think maliciously, but he just couldn’t.Besides, there was no telling what would truly wear you out- he still felt like he’d been roofied or something. And why would he ever hurt you?“You didn’t know how truly strong you were, did you?”“Nope. See this scar?” You laughed as you tilted your head to the side, pointing to the line across your jaw. “My mom knocked my jaw loose and chipped 3 of my teeth. Dad sewed it shut and mom nearly killed him for it. I keep the scars that remind me of him.”He winces. “Why didn’t you run away?”You sigh, sad. “She said if I ever ran away and tried to get help, they’d hurt me, and they wouldn’t love me like she did.”Homelander’s brows furrow farther, his grip tightening instinctively even if it was just for a second. “But she hurt you. And it wasn’t love.”“I know that now.” You smile knowingly, laughing to yourself.Homelander tried his best to be tender as he held you this time, despite a new form of rage boiling inside him. His chest rises and falls heavily as he mulls over what he wants to say. “I’m… sorry I never came to save you.”You blink. Those words plunge through your heart like nothing ever has before.“Daw. Its okay. I deserved it. Besides! I turned out great.” You laugh.He frowns.What, you deserved it and he didn’t? He pulls away from you to grasp your shoulders. There's a lot more blood than there was before. “You didn’t.” His words are heavy, for once in his life he’s crying for someone other than himself.You laugh, you smile, but there’s more sadness in your eyes than he thinks he’s ever seen. “I did.”He grasps your shoulders tighter and shakes you as his voice cracks. “No, you didn’t!”You smile as your hand flies up to your nose again, it’s practically pouring out of you like a faucet now.His expression softened.Was he doing that?Your timid voice interrupted his thoughts with a chuckle. “I’m what they call a lost cause.”He stared at you painfully. You were stubborn like him too.He quietly swore to himself he would change your mind, even if it took him the rest of his life.You just quietly put your chin back on his shoulder.“Thanks Homelander. We have a little in common huh?” You wrapped your arms under his this time, now he was stuck with a stupid eagle poking the side of his face.“Maybe if I would’ve been as strong as you, it wouldn’t hurt so bad, ya know?” There’s a heavy pause as you laugh sadly. “That no one’s going to love me, and I’m damaged” You sigh as you bury your face in his shoulder. “I’m so sorry they hurt you.”Homelander's heart clenches in his chest as he listens to your words, the pain and self-doubt in your voice piercing through him like a knife through paper. He can feel your body trembling, even if it’s only barely, the weight of your trauma heavier than anything he’d ever carried, and he can’t take away your pain like you do for him.It’s not fair.At least he could attribute his to something.You’d just had to live through that, for what?It’s a pain he’s known all too well, it’s haunted him for as long as he can remember.He tightens his arms around you, holding you close as you start to swing the two of you back and forth. You seep comfort and reassurance even though all you do is hurt. He’s not sure how you do it, and you’re not either.He wants to tell you you’re wrong, you’re not a burden and someone is capable of loving you, him, despite everything.But he can’t.His words catch in his throat again, the weight of his own emotional baggage preventing him from offering the kind comfort he desperately wants to give you. Instead, he settles for holding you tighter, as he silently vows to himself that he’s going to protect you, no matter what.There’s still the occasional tear that streams down his face, over everything.You just laugh and hug him back.“I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, and I’ll always be here for you, as long as you’ll let me be.” You pull back and wipe his tears, something so tender and sweet, that no one had ever done. “Thank you for telling me what happened. I hope you didn’t mind me sharing my story either.”Homelander is taken aback again, the conviction in your voice catching him off guard. He’s not used to having someone care about his wellbeing like this, let alone the bold promises you always seemed to make.It’s like all you want to do is help and protect, it’s that strong, genuine feeling they talk about heroes having, but they never do.He swallows hard trying to process the mix of emotions that are swirling inside him.It takes him a minute, but he nods slightly, his throat tight as he meets your gaze. His eyes are vulnerable, something he’s usually so skilled at hiding.“I appreciate it, I think. More than I can say” He rasps, his voice uncharacteristically soft, and rough with emotion. “You killed her right?”You smile as you shake your head, but it’s a knowing smile.That sends guilt through him. He doesn’t like guilt.“She went on her own, but don’t feel bad about what you did. You can’t change the past. Besides, I have to admit it, the majority of them really had it coming. I would’ve done a million times worse if you hadn’t beat me to it.” You giggle, trying your best to be lighthearted.He can’t help but smile.The tension falls a bit as you laugh. “Emotions are hard, aren’t they?”He nods.You pull back as you try your best to wipe the blood off your face. “You know, my mom always told me I was so ugly, especially when I cried. So, I’ve never let anyone see me cry, except you. I guess. I hate crying.”He watches you closely as you speak, his eyes tracing the lines of your face as if trying to commit every detail to memory. Your words stir something dark and protective inside him, a deep-seated anger at the thought of anyone making you feel so small and unlovable, that same anger from earlier.He reaches up and gently strokes his thumb across your cheekbone, his touch achingly tender.You smile as you reach up and gently take his hand in yours, gently running your fingers over every detail. It makes him feel so warm inside.“You’re not ugly.” He murmurs, his voice low as he rests his forehead against your shoulder. “Not when you cry, not ever.”It warms your heart in ways words can’t express. “Thank you.”You gently turn his hand over in yours, musing over how different his were from yours. “You’re so perfect compared to me. You’re not all rough edges and scars.”Your praise mixed with the hold your powers have on him is beyond intoxicating, beyond bliss. It’s heaven. “I think you’re just as perfect, and I can tell you where every scar probably should be.” He sighs, nuzzling against you further.You hum and smile against him, you felt that one.“I’m worried about being on the Seven. When I tell you I don’t know how to talk to people, I’m not kidding. I don’t know how to be a normal person at all” You laugh.He pulls back, his face mere inches from yours as he searches your eyes, as if trying to will away the pain that still lingers in their depths.Your words did something to him. They really did.“I think you’re really good at saying the right things.” He mutters, low and quiet, just for you.“To you maybe. Nobody else.” You chuckle.You interrupt his thoughts again. “It’s getting late, and I’ve still got to finish dinner.”He looks out your window at the setting sun over your shoulders, that human part of him clinging onto you tighter than before. “I don’t want to leave.” The words somehow slip out of his mouth, his heart aching at the idea of letting go of you right now.You hum. There isn’t a second thought in your head as you grip him just a little tighter. “Do you want to just stay the night here?”He’s still relaxed from the hold you have on him, but his heart nearly flutters out of his chest at the thought of you wanting him to stay. He closes his eyes and gives in again with a sigh, nodding against you.Homelander isn’t exactly sure what to do when you get up to do something in the little kitchen.He sits empty and alone with his only source of comfort gone. The beginnings of the sunset and listening to you busy yourself kept him company though. You clambered back over the back of the couch before he knew it, and he let himself smile again.You looked just a bit happier, a different glint in your eye. “Wanna meet my cat?”He looks around confused. There weren’t any animals here. Stuffed animals again maybe? “Sure?”You excitedly ran over to one of the shelves you’d been cramming books and who knows what on.Oh.You held the skull gently in the palm of your hand as you showed it to him.“This is my Biscuit!” He thought about the conversation earlier with your animals you’d had. You loved Biscuit, apparently so much you’d decided to keep her forever. It reminded him more of the little collection he had going, hopefully you didn’t know about that.Hopefully you didn’t know about a lot of things.You turned your back to him for a second. He cocked his head to the side, quickly realizing you were keeping his powers from him again.“Sorry, this parts weird.” You laughed over your shoulder with a smile, doing your best to sniffle and keep from dripping blood all over the floor. It really was annoying.He furrowed his brows, wondering what was happening that he wasn’t allowed to see. But before he had time to ask any questions, you turned back around.You were holding a living, purring, calico ball of fuzz.Holy fuck.You held the thing out proudly. “I bring her back sometimes when I get sad. She’ll make you feel better. Don’t worry about hurting her- oh. I forgot to tell you I can do that, didn’t I.” He was frozen as you gently set the thing in his lap. “Oopsie.”If Vought had any files on you, he needed them fucking yesterday.Once he got over the shock of you being able to bring things back from the fucking dead, he had a pretty good time petting the little creature.Animals were always terrified of him, but not this one.She looked at him like she could read everything about him, and just didn’t care.Kinda like you.You’d gotten up to check on dinner, taking turns petting her with him. All he knows for sure is that eventually she sauntered back over to you and gave you a little headbutt.You sigh. “Time to go already?”“Time to go?” He pipes up, still tucked into the pile of pillows on his side of the couch.You look up. “She comes and goes as she pleases. That’s her sign she’s ready to go back.”She rubbed her head into your palm again. He wanted to ask where exactly she was going, but something stopped him.Her fur rubs off on against your flannel as you gently take her into your arms and hold her close. “Goodbye little Biscuit. I love you.” You wave her paw at Homelander. Your chest is tightening around your aching heart again. “She says goodbye too, she likes you.” It makes his heart throb; he’d never had a pet before.In an instant you’re holding that skull again like you’d pulled it out of thin air. You gently place it back on the shelf.Homelander just stares.You walk quietly back to the couch and plop back down like this is normal. Well, for you maybe it was, but for him this was weird even by his standards. You were capable of strange things.Despite his loud thoughts, you’re preoccupied with the clouds stretching across the sky, hanging blissfully over the cacophony of the city bellow. It’s finally real golden hour.He smiles as he watches the sky with you.Your nose finally stops bleeding.There's a tinge in your chest again, he senses it before you even speak. “Wanna hear something funny?” You readjust yourself on the couch, and try your best to memorize the clouds in the sky.Homelander hums in response.“You won’t get mad?” You ask gently. You’re not sure if he will, given what you’re about to say.His face scrunches with a smile. “Of course not!” He laughs. How could he ever be mad at you?“Yeah right.” You think.You let out a long sigh.“When I was little, and my dad would come home, he told me the sky was just for me.” You pause and look over to Homelander, who just watches the sky with you.“He told me to look up there whenever I get lonely. He said it’s where our family is, and they paint the sunset every night just for me.” You pause before you continue. “They uh… never really got to know me since… mom kept me locked away so long, but I hope they’re happy with me.” There was another ache in Homelanders chest.You sure did know how to do that to him.So much for the using your family to get you thing, but he’d already thrown any idea of hurting you out of his mind a while ago.“I always have to see it. I get really upset if I miss it. And when I can’t sleep at night, I go stare at the stars.” You laugh. “They’re up there waiting for me. You might not be the only man in the sky.”Deep down, he still believes he is. It’s his only way of coping with anything. But he sighs, willing to budge just a bit, only for you. “Maybe not.”There's a strange, shared feeling between the two of you now. It’s interesting to say the least.Homelander piped up, never taking his eyes off the sunset as his brow furrowed. “Buckshot, can I ask you something else?”You hummed, watching his hand twitch ever so slightly next to you.“If your dad loved you so much and knew what… your mom did to you, why didn’t he ever…get you away from there?” He slowly turned his head as he looked over at you, for once in a great while, he looked really small.You sigh.“I used to think about that a lot too. That’s actually the first and only time I ever saw him cry.” You pull your legs up and sit cross legged again, grabbing the trusty story time pillow. You look over and smile when you notice him watching your every move.Homelander smiles back just for a second, vulnerability in his eyes.“There was this one time my mom messed my face up really bad, and my dad took me out for a drive to get me away a while.” You speak like it’s nothing, pointing at your cheekbone.He winced thinking about it.You didn’t know what you could do, you couldn’t protect yourself, just like him.“He told me about this one time when I was little, he had the money saved and a place to go. He wanted to take me and run more than anything, but the cops would be after us forever. I wouldn’t have been able to go to school, and he’d never be able to work. He wanted to give me the best chance at a normal life, to get out of there.” You paused, it’s not like Homelander would get it, the life he’s lived, but you continue regardless.“So, he bit the bullet and just dealt with it. He told me he’d never forgive himself for it, and it broke my heart.”He thought solemnly as the clouds shifted ever so slightly.Why did everything have to be complicated?He broke the silence. “You know I uh, I could maybe work something out for your dad you know. Maybe get him a nice place to stay somewhere.” The words are a struggle, Homelander of all people isn’t exactly used to caring, but for you, maybe he’ll try.You smile, as you take a sad breath. “He’s already got a nice place. He’s resting.”Homelander thinks for a second, ready to give you a better offer, but then he gets it. There’s tension in your chest tight enough to kill someone, and you blink like you want to cry.“Oh. That kind of rest.” There’s a pause between every word, like he’s realizing more with every syllable.You hum in agreement.Homelander already feels awful, and he hates it. But he can’t help his curiosity. “Why didn’t you just… bring him back like Biscuit?”The couch creaks as you lay back and sigh.“He uh… left… before I realized I had powers. And there’s two things. One, he deserves to finally rest after everything I put him through-“Homelander tries to pipe up, but you raise your hand to stop him.“Two-I can’t keep someone here that’s been dead, it drains energy from me since I’ve got to keep them here in a sense.” You sigh again, clutching the pillow in your lap tighter. If you could, you’d have him back in a heartbeat. “It’s why Biscuit can’t stay. I can only completely revive the recently deceased. I have to have something living to work with, as unfortunate as it is.”The fluffy cushion in the pillow squishes in your grasp. “That and… I hate goodbyes. I don’t wanna have to say goodbye again.”Homelander swallows hard as he tries to find words, huffing as he stares at the sun starting to tuck itself behind the horizon. “I’m sorry I asked.”It’s quite shocking. Its first real apology he’s said in years.You laugh, trying to lighten things. “Don’t be sorry! Ask me anything! Anytime.” You elbow him as you think about what started all this nonsense. “Besides, it’s what I get for accidentally finding out what your real name was.”It gets a little smile out of him.You can just barely see the rays of sun behind the clouds now.“I would’ve told you anyway.” He says, just above a whisper.You hum and smile, resting your head against the pillow again.John, Homelander, or whoever he is, silently makes the decision that letting you in wasn’t a bad idea after all.------♡------He crossed his arms across his chest as he followed you to the kitchen, trying his best to find some fault in your character. “Tell me something really bad you did.”The tiny bag of flour you’d bought hit the counter with a thump. “Does being born count?”“No.” He huffed, already disappointed.You tried your best to open the stick of butter without getting residue all over your hands. Didn’t go well. “Well, there was one time I stole food from the cafeteria in 9th grade because mom wasn’t- ““No.” He sighed, even quicker than last time.“I wasn’t there for dad when he died-“He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. That’s three strikes, you’re done. None of that counts!”You riffled through one of the few unpacked boxes and pulled out a rolling pin. The bit of shame on your face quickly turned into a little smile as you take a turn pestering him. “If you can float and fly around and stuff, why’re you always walking?”“Well, I mean I could- now I’m not going to just because you said something.” He scoffed, looking away. His little attempts at spite made you laugh.You’d play along. It was cute.Making the little dumplings was fun, even if Homelander was absolutely terrible at using a rolling pin. It tasted good like always, especially for it being the first meal you’d had in two days.Homelander loved it more than he could put into words.The funny feeling you’d given him earlier was back to its normal intensity, but it still didn’t feel real.After dinner you cozy up on one end of the couch with all the stuffed animals, cocooned in a blanket like moth or something. Homelander goes back to his spot, and sits like he doesn’t belong again, but not if you had anything to do about it.You dig through funny things on your laptop- a few of them get a little laugh out of him.Homelander’s so pretty when he laughs.He’s busy thinking of an excuse to get back in your arms again when your eyes meet his.Oops.The sky’s grown dark, faint speckles of stars shining past the clouds. You know they’re all there, it’s just the light pollution, but it still makes you the tiniest bit sad knowing you can’t see them all. “The stars are awake” You hum quietly, cozying further into the little nest you made.Homelander sat back against the cushions with the big green squishy thing you’d insisted he hold, trying his best to mimic you. What was his name? Avery? You had way too many names for everything.Your toes were doing that stupid thing again. That was quickly proving to be a warning.“Do you sleep in that thing or what?” The blanket pile next to him shifted as you poked your head out and tucked what you could under your chin.He blinked, shoving his feelings under the rug. “My suit?”You nodded from your little cozy nest.“Well, no. But I’ll be okay tonight.” He shrugged, if anything, he was just happy to be here.There’s all the clothes you just unpacked, most of them are oversized, especially your comfy ones. You can’t have him not be comfortable!“I’ll get you something!”He nearly chokes on the damn air he’s trying to breathe.“No, no that’s not necessary.” He quickly waves his hands as his eyes go wide, but you’re already off to the bedroom digging through your drawers.You’ve got a pair of flannel pants and a shirt big enough to fit him comfortably. They you’re your favorite since they used to be dad’s.You bring them back and set them in his lap proudly.He feels his heart flutter, and his face redden. “No way. Not happening.”You look down at him with big begging eyes. “But I dug them out for you… pleeeease?”He looks up at you. And back at the clothes. What can he do?“Don’t ever tell anybody. I wouldn’t be caught dead in your goodwill rags. Besides, you’re obviously using your mind control thing on me.” He sticks up his nose. The funny thing was, you weren’t.You laugh. “Just between us.” And you hold out your pinky a second time.You change in the bedroom while he changes in the bathroom, you’re wearing tiny black shorts and a soft shirt with a pumpkin. You throw an old hoodie from home on top for good measure. Cozy deluxe. It was dad’s too.It’s also your favorite. You had lots of favorites.You walk out first and sit patiently amongst the pile of stuffed animals you’d amassed, waiting on Homelander to come back. You cover your eyes, hearing him trod over and drop is suit at the foot of the couch. You cant help but giggle. “I’m so excited!” you squeal.“Don’t. I look stupid. You wear really dumb things.” He sighs. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”You open your eyes. Homelander out of his suit is really jarring. But to you, he’s just John right now.“Oh my gosh! You look like a real person! I love it!” you laugh and smile. His face turns red with embarrassment and annoyance.“Love?” He thinks.He goes back to his end of the couch, wishing he could hide. It’s almost like you could read his mind as you threw half the blanket you’d been using for a cocoon his way.He took it greedily and tucked himself under it.“Everything you own smells.” He scowls, but you see right past it.You smile. “What does it smell like to you?”He tucks deeper into the blanket. “River water. Wood and dust. Moldy and musty.” He did his best to put enough spit into every word, but he was the one sinking farther into it.He was absolutely not going to admit he liked it.You laugh as you snuggle under the other half of the blanket. “Home!”Homelander just chuckles. He’s always been tired, but for once in a long time, he’s truly sleepy. His eyes threaten to flutter closed for good any moment, but he tries to hang on, just like hanging onto the scraps left of his dignity.“I knew I was right about you.” Your voice is sweet and knowing as you stand before him, when did you get up? When did you turn down the lights?He squints and tilts his head in his tired haze, smirking. “What do you mean?”“I knew we’d be friends.” You smile sweetly.He scoffs as he blinks slowly, a little too tired to be angry. “I don’t need a friend -yawn- I don’t need anyone.”“I used to think that too.” You sigh as you hold something out to him, he looks down lazily.Oh. It’s Bug, the little stuffed deer again.He takes him gently and holds him under the blanket with him. “Don’t you need him to sleep?”“Oh, he wont be far away.” You smile as you climb back under the blanket on the couch with him. You didn’t really have to stay out here with him, but you would. It just seemed right.Everything’s warm and soft.It’s perfect.He’s too tired to think.“Goodnight Homelander. I hope you sleep okay.” You hum happily as you shift down into the blankets, gently pressing one of your legs against his.He hums sleepily as he curls up around your little deer on his end of the couch. “Goodnight, Buckshot.”His eyes flutter closed as he shuffles farther under his end of the blanket, safer and warmer than he’s ever felt.Meanwhile, you’re already half asleep on the other end, happy because as far as you’re concerned, you’re having the first and best slumber party in your life.He could’ve just gone back to his penthouse you know.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He’s dreaming, but it’s not a nightmare.Theres a dirt trail running along a creek under his feet, and sun shining through endless green trees above his head. There’s an old man with a fishing pole trudging along ahead of him.It’s just the sound of his boots and running water.All of a sudden, the underbrush rustles, and a little girl runs out with her hands clasped around something. There’s fresh wounds on her, those same scars you’d shown him earlier.It suddenly dawns on him that he’s in your dreams. It’s like those flickers of whatever he saw earlier, when you were telling him stories.You’ve got a big shirt on, obviously your dad’s. Matching hat too. It makes something inside him feel fuzzy.You squeal as you show him the frog you caught. Running up to him and jumping happily. The old man’s heart jumps as your feet slip against the dirt. But the man grabs you by you by the back of your shirt and lifts you back up. The frog jumps and plops in the water below. You laugh and kick your feet, while the old man grumbles about you letting dinner go.Somewhere along the line, the memory ends.------♡------He wakes in the morning, but you’re gone.Somehow you had slipped out without him noticing.He clutches the little stuffed deer you left him with. The dream, or memory, or whatever it was still fresh in his mind. Looks like he slept in quite a bit. He stumbles off the couch to grab his suit, but as he reached down to grab it, he notices the little note you left him sitting on top scribbled in cursive.
Sleep as long as you need to!
I’ll keep Ashley out of your hair.
I’ll be back around 10!
Don’t forget, everything will always be safe with me.
Buckshot <3
He rubs his eyes. Theres a little doodle of him at the bottom, of him flying off towards the stars.His heart’s caught between that and the little heart.It’s 09:50.Deep in his chest, his heart flutters at the idea of you coming back.Suddenly theres a voice that breaks his peace as he pulls his boots on.“What the fuck do you think you’re doing.” His reflection calls out to him from a mirror in the hall.His heart sinks.All he can think is not now, not here. “Get over here, now.”He lets out a shaky breath and trudges over to the mirror in the hallway.------♡------It’s 09:57, you fiddle with the lock to your apartment. Technology.Homelander stands in front of your hallway mirror, changed back into his suit. You see his reflection first, staring at you, scowling.You pause and tilt your head to the side. The cogs turn in your brain, but you smile. “Good morning Homelander!” You chime sweetly.Homelander doesn’t smile back, but his scowl fades for a moment into something like hurt.He looks down at the ground, blinking. His expressions change like cards flipping in a jukebox. It’s totally different than the man you sat with on the couch last night, laughing and crying together.You just keep smiling reassuringly. You walk over to him, and he looks down at you disapprovingly, trying his best to hide in his façade that you’d shattered. You reach up and touch the side of his face, and its like the warmth of your hand brings John back. His expression softens, despite his body screaming not to, he leans into your touch.“What happened?” You look up at him with understanding eyes, and speak so lightheartedly.He doesn’t speak.“Was it that guy?” You gesture to the mirror over his shoulder.Homelander’s eyes go wide. How’d you know about that? Did you hear him earlier? How? He stutters a bit, as his eyes dart around, trying his best to come up with some fucking excuse.You laugh. “That guy’s an asshole, I wouldn’t listen to him.” You hug him. “I beat myself up every time I look in a mirror too.”His heart wells. He can’t take another second.Is he even himself anymore?It doesn’t feel like it.Homelander’s heart picks up. He grabs your shoulders and gently pushes you back. “I cant do this right now. Please.”It’s a little sudden, but you smile kindly.“I understand. I told you I get like that too.” You take his hands off your shoulders and squeeze them gently as you raise one, and press it against your cheek. “It’s going to be okay! Go out there and be Homelander a while. I’ll be here when you need me again.”You giggle and tilt your head. “We’ll watch reruns of old shows and listen to my old records! I’ll always spend time with you!”It was like there were two different people in him.
He was always going to need you, especially now.
I don’t know if I even want to be Homelander anymore.
Go away and don’t ever come near me again! I’m always Homelander!
But you just ushered him out the door without a second thought. “I’ll be at that meeting in a couple hours! I’ll see you there!” You smiled and waved. “Oh! Did you want breakfast before you leave?”He shook his head gently, as good as it sounded, he needed a break.Deep, Sage, and Firecracker watched the camera outside of your room from the security section of crime analytics. “Yeah, shes really got her tallons in him now.” Sage remarked gripping the back of the seat Deep sat in.“Theres no telling what she did to him in there!” Deep cried, gills flared under his suit.Firecracker crossed her arms over her swollen cleavage. “I thought we had something.”Sage seethed. “Would you two shut the fuck up! I’m trying to figure out what we’re going to do!”They were both unaware that someone else had been tapped into the cameras.Sage wouldn’t have to do anything. ------♡------You shut the door and turned around.You really hoped you were helping Homelander somehow.Happy memories of last night floated around in your mind.A real friend! You’d never had a real friend.Maybe things would be okay.Suddenly there was a sudden buzz in your pocket, one that always sent you into an anxious frenzy.It took you a second to scramble and pull it out of your pocket. Unknown number. Against better judgement you held your phone up and chimed a quick “Hello?”Probably should’ve thrown the damn thing out the window.There was silence from the other end for a minute, you were even tempted to hang up, but then whoever it was inhaled sharply before they spoke.“Buckshot! Great to hear you’re adjusting well!” It was a familiar fake voice. Stan Edgar.You listened down the hallway outside your apartment door. Homelander had stomped off. He wasn’t listening. “Ah good, he hates this guy.” You thought to yourself.“Hey! What can I do for you s-“ You reply cheerily, but Stan cuts you off.“I have something to ask you Buckshot.” He speaks again before you can reply. “Do you get some sick joy out of toying with Vought property?”Ah.He knew you were in his office.You kicked at the shiny floors while you paced.“Ha, ha…about that.” You trail off. You were in hot water now.He speaks again before you can make any excuses. “You’re already a huge danger and a liability to invite here Buckshot. I knew the minute we hunted you down you were going to be trouble.” He huffs. “Now we’ve got to make something up about Vought brand botox and a reason Noir broke his vow of silence.”You grimaced.You hadn’t really thought of that.His voice picked up again before you could think of anything to say.“-And regarding last night. If anything happened- I need you to report it immediately. Ryan is already enough of a problem-“You’re not always the sharpest knife in the drawer. That would probably be Sage.It suddenly dawns on you that the Vought property he was referring to was… “Homelander?! NO WAY! It wasn’t like that at all!” You’re a stammering mess. “I don’t even like him like that! I would NEVER!-”Thank goodness Homelander still isn’t listening, you pure hearted individual.He was already busy trying to keep himself from ripping Ashleys new hair out.“Good.” Edgar cuts you off, clearly annoyed. “He’s damaged goods. He’s just as much of a liability for Vought.” He’s eloquite with every syllable as his tone changes. “We’re decommissioning him.”Theres a deathly quiet pause as your heart drops.Vought doesn’t “decommission” people. Especially someone they engineered themselves, who has no life outside of the company. He’s their number one star. You’re silent as your mind starts racing with scenarios.You didn’t really think you were capable of rage, but Stan is really testing your limits.Your mouth moves for you. “I’m not letting you.”He laughs. “Theres your spark! What are you going to do? Kill me? Possess me?” He fakes a gasp. “I know you won’t.”Theres dread in your stomach. You could do worse if you had to.“Your psyche is better than anything Vought could have constructed inside Homelander. Better yet, you’re predictable. This is bigger than me. Even if you have the guts to take me out, someone else from the board will take my place and do the same exact thing.” He’s serious, his words twisting like a knife in your stomach.Theres heavy silence. “Now let me tell you the proposition.” Your eye twitches.“Either you, his new confidant, decommission him. Or, we do.” You can hear the smile in his voice.You feel sick. “But you… you can’t kill him.”He laughs even more heartily this time. “Who said anything about killing him! Well, besides you.” His tone darkens. “He’s a liability, but far too valuable to just kill.” There's a special emphasis on that last word, it makes your blood cold.You didn’t like what that implied.Homelander still isn’t listening.He’s downstairs with Ashley meeting with a whole bunch of cooperate nobodies.You wished he could hear. You needed to tell him to run, fly away.Theres the tapping of a pen on a desk on the other end of the phone. It’s as if Stan can read your mind. The next set of words leave his mouth one after another in an onslaught. “-And before you even think about telling Homelander. He can’t leave. He won’t, and you know that. Do you have any idea how many people he’s killed?”You swallow hard as you pace.You’d been avoiding that part of him on purpose.“Do you really want to be the one to set him off on a murderous rampage? Hundreds of Vought employees with innocent families will die. Not to mention the civilians. And who knows? Maybe he’ll kill everyone. Burn the world to the ground until he’s content. Is that a price you’re willing to pay?” Theres a slight chuckle in his voice at the end, like he already knows the outcome.You’re quiet.The gravity of the situation sinks into your soul.He laughs again. “That’s what’s different about you Buckshot! It’s too bad those researchers let you go back to those hicks all those years ago; you could’ve been everything you wish he was.”It makes your eyes go wide.But you wouldn’t of.You wouldn’t of traded any part of your life for their frills. The mountains, the river, dad.Vought can only make monsters.His professional, eloquent voice draws you back. “Now lets talk details shall we?”You growl. “What if I won't? What will you do?”He’s smiling, you can hear it in his voice. “Theres an airborne agent that can incapacitate him enough. How do you think he’s going to handle being drugged and dragged off to who knows where, hurt by people he doesn’t know? Will you slaughter the poor people we give the order to, until there’s no one left to do it to protect him?”You swallow your words. They’re taking him to the bad room again.“It’s why we invited you here you know. The perfect damage control to clean up the mess we made.”You should’ve known better.There was no way this was happening.“We’re still debating what power to make up for you. Here’s our newest member of the Seven! She possess people and kills them?” He jokes.You want to cry more than anything,You help people. That’s all you’ve ever wanted.You only hurt those that deserve it, that you have a real reason to, and they never stay hurt for long.“But you know that all already, don’t you?” His confident voice chides. Your lips draw into a straight line, your mind trying to conjure up some solution, some way to save Homelander.You should’ve known coming here was a mistake.But they would’ve killed him anyway, wouldn’t they?Edgar clears his throat. “Given your previous occupation- you’re the perfect person to do it.”
What the fuck were they planning?
You trudge over to the couch, sitting defeated, arms resting on your knees. You can’t deny the cold clammy sweat forming on your skin. “Define “it” Stan.”He chuckles. “Salvage what you can for us, and toss the rest. Vought will provide the supplies. We’re estimating 1.2 billion in returned revenue.” The words fall eloquently from his mouth like its nothing.Theres a defeaning silence.Your stomach lurches.Vought’s going to fucking harvest him for parts.You’re the only person who can overpower him, and they’re going to make you autopsy his fucking living body.“I didn’t fucking do that. I never worked on living people-“ You seethed, you reserved cussing for special occasions, and this was a special occasion.Somewhere downstairs, Homelander rubs the back of his neck. He’s got a bad feeling about something, but he can’t figure out what.Maybe it was just everything last night.He just takes it out on Ashley, but for once he finds himself holding back for someone else’s sake.Mostly because you’d be disappointed.Stan’s voice draws your attention back.“You’re smarter than Sage. I think you’ve got it.” He inhales sharply. “You’ll be there to hold his pathetic hand. He won’t have to feel every cut as the life drains from his body. Unless you decide to not cooperate.” He pauses. “But I know you’ll make the right decision. Floor B6, you’ll have the clearance tomorrow night to get down there. No other staff or technicians in your way. We’ll leave it to you.”The phone clicks as he hangs up, then it clatters to the floor.You can’t breathe.