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13 years.Wei Ying had been dead for 13 years before being brought back to life. In a weak body at that, with a golden core so small it basically didn’t exist. Many months had passed since then, so it had been almost 14 years since he died.Thinking about it, the last time he was sick was probably when he was 12 and had eaten fruit that had gone bad. He had spent the whole night vomiting everywhere. It was quite a disgusting sight, so Jiang Cheng stayed away from his room because he would gag every time Wei Ying threw up. It was better for everyone involved, so he just asked about him from the hallway, while Jiang Yanli stayed with Wei Ying until he got better. It took a few days before he was back to his old self.Which meant it’s been what, 25 years since the last time he was sick? Maybe even longer.So, when Wei Ying woke up one day – alone, because Lan Zhan had left a few days ago for another conference at Koi Tower Wei Ying was still not allowed to attend – running a fever, with a stuffy nose, and a scratchy throat, he laid there for a few minutes just staring at the ceiling of the Jingshi, his vision slightly blurry.
I’m…sick?
It shouldn’t surprise him. He had started cultivation practices again, as this new body wasn’t filled with resentful energy like his former one had been, but he hadn’t gotten far yet and physical exercise and good food could only do so much. This body was weaker and therefore closer to humans without a golden core. He had really only started a few weeks ago and was mostly meditating. It was a struggle, cultivating again after so many years; learning everything anew… Originally, he hadn’t planned on going back to “proper” cultivation, but some conversations he had had with the Lan disciples, Lan Xichen, and Wen Ning helped him come to this decision. Lan Zhan had tried not to get involved. His stance on that topic was obvious, but in the end, he had told Wei Ying he would support whatever decision he made. This conversation ultimately sealed the deal. If there was anything he wanted, it was spending the rest of his life with Lan Zhan and cultivation was the best option to ensure a long life together. He still remembered when he had told Lan Zhan…That night had been a long one, with Lan Zhan showing him exactly how happy he was, both about the decision and Wei Ying’s main motivation. He had been a little embarrassed about his reasoning but didn’t manage to keep it an actual secret and the flurry of kisses he was subdued to afterwards, eased the embarrassment until there was only a single thought circulating in his mind. The one he went to sleep with and first thing on his mind when he woke up.
I love him.
However, when he had woken up just now, automatically reaching to the side Lan Zhan usually slept on and found the sheets cold, the realization that he was alone and that he would be alone at least another four days hit him like a punch to the face.He laid there, feeling absolutely miserable, and the only conscious thought in his mind was, I wish Lan Zhan was here.Missing Lan Zhan when he had duties to fulfill which Wei Ying couldn’t help him with, or rather, wasn’t allowed to help him with, wasn’t new. He knew he wasn’t the only one missing the other’s company and sleeping alone at night grew more difficult with each night they spent together, but right in that moment he could feel tears fill his eyes. He hadn’t always been like this, so…clingy and soft-hearted, but over the last few months while trying to work through his past and creating a better future for the both of them, almost locked up in Gusu since they had come back from their trips to all kind of places – wherever there was chaos –, he had had the first chance to completely let his guard down and just be.Right now, though, he felt terrible, his body seemed to weigh a hundred tons, he was sweaty, thirsty, and really hungry, and he really only wanted Lan Zhan to care for him, bury his aching body in his arms, and kiss him until he felt better. I’m the worst case of chaos in a 300 miles radius and Lan Zhan isn’t here. Hanguang-jun, pfft.He really tried to not fall into a sour mood and be petty and salty but…he really needed Lan Zhan right now, okay?! Therefore, falling sick at this exact time was just plain rude and unfair.He tried to get up to at least get some water to quench his thirst and maybe wet a towel to put on his face, but he barely managed to lift himself up enough to lean on his elbows before his arms gave up and he fell back onto the bed.He tried wracking his fever-ridden brain for ways to contact Lan Sizhui or really just anyone – he would even be fine with Lan Qiren, even though the feeling was definitely not mutual – but his body felt too weak for even a single spell and Paper Metamorphosis was absolutely not an option in his current state.
What am I supposed to do then?
A headache started to build up and he again felt tears brimming in his eyes. Closing his eyes to keep the tears at bay, he had never felt as pathetic as he did in that moment. I’m a grown man, I should be able to take care of myself when I’m sick.This was just a cold, okay, maybe a flu, but he had never felt so helpless before, nor as lonely as he did right now. He liked Gusu, he liked (most of) the disciples, Lan Xichen, and of course he loved Lan Zhan, but in this moment a feeling of seemingly endless loneliness came crashing down on him.He was used to the feeling, he spent most of his days before his death like that. But since his resurrection and specifically since the whole thing with Jin Guangyao had been taken care of and Wei Ying officially had moved to Gusu with Lan Zhan, he had never experienced something like that ever again.Whenever he started to spiral, Lan Zhan was there, either because he had already been by his side or because one of the disciples he usually spent his time with had called for their dear Hanguang-jun, who immediately dropped whatever he was doing and rushed to Wei Ying without a second thought. After everything had calmed down and he wasn’t constantly on the move anymore, he had more time to actually get into his own head and had to realize he had brought a lot more negative emotions with him after his resurrection than he originally thought.But now, after dropping demonic cultivation for the sake of – literally – the whole world and starting proper cultivation again, which meant figuring himself out to start healing mentally and physically from the strain he had put himself through, he had started to realize how bad it actually was.After confiding in Lan Zhan which included a whole lot of tears, hugs, and kisses, they had started a new tradition. Every evening, they would tell each other something about their day; something that had caused a positive emotion, and something that had caused a negative emotion. Of course, it was mostly meant to help Wei Ying to organize his thoughts and emotions. But laying in Lan Zhan’s arms every night with his head buried in his chest, it seemed like they grew even closer. Well, if that was even possible (probably not).Even though he felt unsure about the whole ordeal at the beginning and considered it ridiculous, after spending a few nights like this, Wei Ying started skipping the jokes and actually took it seriously. And honestly, it helped so much.But now he had been alone for four days already, and while Lan Zhan had asked him to write down his positive and negative emotions of the day every night so they could talk about it when he returned, a request he followed diligently, it obviously wasn’t nearly as calming and therapeutic. Sorting his thoughts that way wasn’t completely useless, but it wasn’t the same in any way.Four days might not sound like a lot, but Lan Zhan had only left him alone for so many days once before, before his bad mental health ended up exposed like that and when he could actually sleep on his own. He hadn’t figured out yet if he liked his new, seemingly less mature self, but he also knew he hadn’t actually let go of his old self. He just…developed and matured a little to be more in tune with his feelings. There was nothing wrong with that.(Lan Zhan had helped him come to that conclusion and Lan Zhan was never wrong, was he?)He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had woken up, feeling like absolute shit, but he was close to falling asleep again, when a loud knock interrupted his drowsy mind.“Senior Wei! Senior Wei, are you inside?” It took him more than just a few seconds to register the words, but he couldn’t quite figure out who had spoken them.“Yes, I am.” What was supposed to be a simple reply was barely louder than a whisper and both sounded and felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper on his vocal cords. Great. Just great.He tried to put more strength in his voice, really going all in, but he didn’t manage much more than a groan before exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.
Wei Ying woke up to the feeling of someone petting his hair and a pair of lips pressed against his forehead. The smell of sandalwood hit his nose, and his eyes teared up for a third time that day, but this time a tear finally escaped his eye.
Lan Zhan.
He slowly started to come around and registered more of his surroundings and the state he was in.There was a wet cloth wrapped around his head and two strong arms embraced him and pressed him against a firm chest clad in soft robes, smelling distinctly like Lan Zhan. His skin felt a little sticky, not because of sweat but more as if someone had just wiped down his body to cool him down. There was a bitter taste in his mouth. Lan Zhan had probably given him some medicine while he was out.“Lan..Zhan…” His voice came out weak and scratchy, but Lan Zhan held him so close to his body that it was impossible for him to miss his words. The fingers running through his hair suddenly halted, before moving down to cradle his cheek and gently tilt his head until their eyes met.Lan Zhan sighed in relief, “Wei Ying.”His face was stuck in a worried expression, eyebrows knit tightly together, and his complexion looked paler than usual. With another sigh he dropped a kiss to his forehead and stayed like that for a moment, his body tense.In contrast, Wei Ying relaxed against his body at hearing his name spoken in that deep voice, softly, worried, but so full of love. “Lan Zhan”, he whispered again, “You..back an..stay?” Speaking was still difficult and his sentences came out incomplete and slurred but at least he managed to get his point across.“Mn”, Lan Zhan answered in return, “Will stay. Don’t cry.” He gently wiped away the tears falling from his eyes, rolling down his temple and into his hair. “Rest, I will be here when you wake up.”A sigh escaped Wei Ying’s lips, and a feeling of love and happiness surged in his chest, so strong it seemed to rise and rise until he could have sworn even his fingertips tingled when a warm feeling settled in his very bones. “Love..” He fell asleep again before he could finish his sentence.
The next time Wei Ying woke up, it was to Lan Zhan lightly shaking his shoulders. It was dark outside, Lan Zhan should clearly be sleeping and instead he was awake, keeping watch in case his fever spiked again.
What did I do in my past life to deserve this?
He couldn’t come up with anything.“Wei Ying”, Lan Zhan whispered, trying to coax him awake, “You have to eat.”Wei Ying made a hmph sound and moaned. I really am pathetic, huh?He wanted to sleep, not eat, but he knew he hadn’t eaten in who knew how long and to recover properly, he had to eat.Accepting his fate, he croaked out a little ‘help’ and Lan Zhan immediately helped him sit up. He patted his hair down and ran his fingers through the messy strands carefully with one arm wrapped around his back. He nuzzled his temple lightly and placed a kiss on his ear before grabbing Wei Ying’s knees, too, and carrying him to the low table close to the bed. Settling him in his lap, Wei Ying felt a deep sense of gratitude. For one, he was unable to sit upright on his own or eat by himself, and second, he didn’t want to part from Lan Zhan yet. And honestly…if he wasn’t already feeling like absolute shit, his knees would have probably buckled at the intense look in Lan Zhan’s eyes, too.Wei Ying cast a short glance at the food on the table and when he only saw the bland dishes of the Lan Clan, he hid his head in Lan Zhan’s chest and shook his head.“Wei Ying”, Wei Ying felt Lan Zhan’s chest vibrate when he talked. It was comforting. “Spicy food will hurt your throat even more. Please eat just a little.” Wei Ying again shook his head no.
Hell no, I’m not gonna eat this! This is torture! I’m sick, not a prisoner!!
For a moment, there was only silence. Then…“For me?”Wei Ying’s eyes flew open, and he pulled back slowly to look at Lan Zhan’s face. He..!He wanted to look appalled, but the soft tone Lan Zhan had asked with, the concerned look on his face, and the slightly glossy sheen to his eyes that Wei Ying decided he was only imaging because no way was Lan Zhan going to cry about this; all of that stopped him from turning him down again and instead he leaned up to press a light kiss to his cheek and rubbed his nose against the soft skin.
It really works every time…when I get better, I need to work on my resolve. He gets under my skin way too quickly!
Lan Zhan sighed, wrapping one of his arms tighter around him, and reached for a bowl of soup. Of course, it tasted awful – he didn’t actually taste anything – but propped up in Lan Zhan’s lap like that, being fed soup because he was sick which reminded him so much of his shijie feeding him and taking care of him whenever he had been sick…a deep ache rose up in his heart. He sniffled. Lan Zhan froze while reaching for some congee and whipped his head around to muster Wei Ying closely. “I will prepare spicy food when you are feeling better”, he said, trying to raise his spirits. But Wei Ying only shook his head. “That’s not..” His voice broke off again, overcome with sadness and memories of a time long passed. Additionally his voice was still too weak for longer conversation and his mind was a mess so he wasn’t able to put this feelings into words anyway.Lan Zhan rubbed his back and held a spoon of congee in front of his mouth. “Eat. Talk later.”After finishing the soup and congee, Lan Zhan helped him drink some water and gave him more medicine. He carried him back to the bed, wiping his body down one more time, and massaged his sore arms and legs a little, after which Wei Ying felt like his body had turned into goo. If he keeps this up, I’ll melt into the mattress.Watching Lan Zhan move around the room for a few minutes, putting the empty dishes aside blowing out the candles, he couldn’t help but think, I’m very sure I don’t deserve him, but who cares? He’s mine anyway so I’ll take everything he’s willing to give.Wei Ying sighed, his eyes fluttering closed, ready to fall asleep any second.Settling in beside him and pulling the blanket over their bodies, Lan Zhan watched him without saying anything for a short while, his eyes full of pure adoration and worry, before peppering kisses all over his face. A sleepy smile pulled at Wei Ying’s lips. “Lan Zhan”, he was interrupted by a pair of soft lips covering his own in a fleeting kiss. “I love you,” Lan Zhan whispered against his lips, and Wei Ying’s heart fluttered the way it did the first time Lan Zhan told him he loved him – the way it did every time, really.“Again”, he mumbled unashamedly, half-asleep but incredibly happy. Shame is for the weak.“I love you.” As he hadn’t moved away at all, Wei Ying felt a smile tug on Lan Zhan’s mouth which brushed his slightly when he spoke.“Again…”“I love you. Now sleep.” Wei Ying wanted to complain, Lan Zhan had woken him up after all, but he didn’t even have enough energy to laugh at Lan Zhan’s exasperated tone.He fell asleep like Lan Zhan asked him to, his sweet voice following him into his dreams.I love you, I love you, I love you.
I love you, too.
Over the next few days, Lan Zhan didn’t leave his side even once. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi took turns bringing them their meals and medicine, so Lan Zhan only had to make sure Wei Ying actually ate and took the medicine. On the second day his fever broke and when dinner time came around, he felt strong enough to sit up on his own; on the day after he felt so disgusting he longed for a bath. He didn’t quite have the energy to wash himself, but Lan Zhan didn’t mind it at all when he asked him to wash him. It’s not like it’s the first time.Focusing on sitting upright and not slipping into the water proved to be a rather difficult affair when Lan Zhan washed his hair, massaging the soap into his scalp until Wei Ying almost fell asleep.
His hands…they’re more dangerous than any weapon could ever be.
Later that night, they laid in bed, Wei Ying draped over Lan Zhan’s body like a second blanket, when he suddenly remembered something.“Lan Zhan.”“Mn”, he answered, his arms wrapped around him like a monkey, not willing to let go of Wei Ying in any way – as if that was even an option.“You came home earlier than planned, didn’t you? I’m sure you said it would take at least a week until you would be back. You said that, right?” This thought had actually crossed his mind multiple times that day. Somewhere in his brain he heard a worried voice yell ‘Senior Wei’ but he really didn’t know who it was or when that had happened.“Lan Sizhui sent word when you didn’t come to meditate.” Ah, right. They had planned to meet at the waterfall to meditate in the afternoon. Of course, Sizhui would immediately get worried that something happened instead of assuming I was too lazy.“Wait, how? And how did you get here so fast?” He propped up his chin on Lan Zhan’s chest, very much confused how this could work considering it had still been bright outside when he woke up in Lan Zhan’s arms.“Sword. We arrived in Gusu the day after.” Which means…he had been out for longer than he thought. Or did he just not remember waking up before passing out again?“You were very sick. Brother took care of you until I arrived.” His mouth dropped open in shock. “Lan Xichen took care of me!?”, he cried out. He wasn’t even sure why he reacted like that. He just…didn’t expect it at all.“Mn”, Lan Zhan nodded, “Thank him tomorrow.”“Of course, I will!” I should gift him flowers or something…Lan Zhan lifted a hand to stroke his cheek with the back of his fingers and for a split-second Wei Ying saw something close to fear flash in his eyes. He understood. His fever had been really bad, and he had been all alone in such a weak body… If Sizhui hadn’t checked up on me so soon, who knows what would’ve happened.Gathering all his energy, Wei Ying sat up a little and moved up Lan Zhan’s body to cover his face in kisses, just like Lan Zhan did to him every single day.Another new tradition that had developed over the last months.Lan Zhan’s hands gripped his hips to keep him steady, closing his eyes and accepting every single kiss with an almost serene expression on his face.“Looks like we can’t be separated anymore. I get in trouble even if I don’t do anything! You know, Lan Zhan, I couldn’t even sleep without you; I really need you by my side, okay? Don’t leave me ever again.” Lan Zhan wrapped his arms around him again and rolled them on their sides, facing each other. “Will not. Too precious”, he whispered in between two kisses, one on each cheek. Wei Ying couldn’t hold back the soft laugh which seemed to come right from his heart. “Oh, Lan Zhan..I love you so much.”He buried his face in Lan Zhan’s throat, hugging him back just as tightly, and openly and unashamedly took a deep breath. He loved his scent. “Thank you”, he mumbled before falling asleep in the embrace of the person he loved the most in the world, the safest place he could be in, with the warm feeling of being loved wholeheartedly surrounding him.
Actually…I deserve this. I really do.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Purple. So much purple. Wherever one would look in Lotus Pier, whichever room one would enter, there was purple everywhere. Purple banners on the walls, purple curtains hanging from the ceiling, purple carpets on the floor. And the clothes. The disciples wore all kinds of shades of blue and purple with silver accents embroidered in their robes. It was beautiful.During the whole trip from Gusu to Yunmeng, Wei Ying had hung off Lan Zhan’s arm, talking about Yunmeng and Lotus Pier, the food he needed to try, the places he needed to see. It was like he didn’t remember that the food and places he spoke about had already been eaten and seen by Lan Zhan, when they were here the last time, before Guanyin temple, when Wei Ying had flung himself off a tree right into Lan Zhan’s arms. They had bowed twice towards Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu back then and as Wei Ying told Lan Zhan later, that was the day he decided he would marry him.Or maybe he just pretended not to remember and just enjoyed having Lan Zhan’s undivided attention as always, while following his every step and trying and paying for whatever Wei Ying offered him. How could he not? His heart soared every time Wei Ying looked at him with a smile as bright as the sun and chattered excitedly about memories from his childhood, people he knew, food he ate, and his favorite places to be. Lan Zhan didn’t just humor him; he actively listened to every single word, burning this beaming Wei Ying into his mind so he would be able to relive this moment whenever he wanted to.They wandered around Yunmeng for hours until they ended up under the tree again. Wei Ying threw a mischievous look in his direction before climbing up the tree to the same branch as last time. A year had passed since then, and now, framed by thin rays of sunlight shining through the foliage, Wei Ying looked just as beautiful as he did back then.“Lan Zhan, catch me, okay? Catch me, catch me, like you did last time, yes?”, he giggled when Lan Zhan walked a little closer to the tree, and nodded, “Mn.”“Here I go!”, he yelled while flinging himself off the tree. This time, Lan Zhan was prepared, and the fear inside his heart at seeing Wei Ying so high up in the tree far less. He caught Wei Ying easily.And just to hear that happy laugh again, he used the momentum to spin them once, twice, three times, with a strong grip on his waist, Wei Ying’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and a squeaky laugh in his ear that warmed his body from the inside out. When he stopped and lowered Wei Ying down on his feet, neither of them let go. Instead, they hugged tight, just like they did one year ago.This time it didn’t matter if anyone saw them. The whole cultivation world knew about them, knew about the scary Yiling Laozu who had somehow managed to make the great Hanguang-jun fall in love with him and marry him.Now, they were standing inside Lotus Pier and Wei Ying couldn’t look away from the beautiful lotus flowers carved in the doors, sewn into the clothing of the disciples, and the ones growing in little ponds in the big courtyard forming the center of Lotus Pier.Dark memories from many years ago tried to force themselves to the forefront of his mind but he pushed them away. He couldn’t change the past, but he could enjoy the present; the present where Jin Ling had sent an invitation to Lan Zhan for his birthday banquet at Lots Pier, and asked him to bring Wei Ying if he wanted to come.Wei Ying naturally didn’t cry when he read the invitation, absolutely not, but he smiled and kissed Lan Zhan silly as if he was the one who made this possible.Jin Ling’s last birthday wasn’t celebrated the way it should have been, with the Jin Clan being unstable due to the former clan leader’s death and the news of his crimes spreading like wildfire until even non-cultivators knew about it. Of course, they didn’t know the whole truth because some things were kept under wraps, but it was enough for the clan’s reputation to suffer serious damage. Jin Ling had been way too young to lead a clan on his own. With corruption sprouting everywhere and the whole clan weakened, missing a strong, capable leader, the Jiang Clan helped steady Jin Ling’s leadership until he found a reliable group of advisors. The Jiang Clan could focus a lot more on their own affairs from then on, but would still assist Jin Ling, just like Lan Xichen did on the rare occasion that he was asked for advice.So, while not celebrating a clan leader’s birthday was pretty much unheard of, considering the circumstances it wasn’t as much of an embarrassment as it would’ve been 15 years ago. Although it was still strange that they had decided to host the banquet in Yunmeng instead of Lanling. I wonder why they did that. Crtainly not so I can go to Lotus Pier again, ha ha ha…“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, look”, Wei Ying pulled on his sleeve, leading him around the place like he still lived here. To some extent, his heart still did, but also not. The Lotus Pier he grew up in was burned down and stained with blood; the current one was an exact replica, but it didn’t seem to carry the same air of freedom and life it used to. It wasn’t his home anymore. Now, Lan Zhan was his home. It didn’t matter where they were, every place could be called a home as long as Lan Zhan was by his side.“Lan Zhan?” He had to tell him.“Mn?”“You’re my home.”And for the first time ever, Lan Zhan was so caught off guard that he tripped. He caught himself quickly, before Wei Ying could even reach out to catch him. Not that he would have been able to, with the way he was laughing so hard he couldn’t control his body and almost folded in half. Lan Zhan grabbed his arm to steady him and guide him to lean against his chest instead. Jingyi would’ve choked on his own spit if he saw Lan Zhan lose composure like that. I can’t wait to tell him
Wei Ying already made a mental list of people he had to tell about what just happened. I might just send Lan Qiren an anonymous letter, he can’t punish me anymore…although…He shook his head internally, getting rid of that thought. He’d die on the spot.While Wei Ying was lost in his thoughts, Lan Zhan stared at him with a barely noticeable look of surprise on his face. So many emotions were hiding behind his thick skin, waiting to be uncovered. Wei Ying enjoyed it immensely whenever he managed to crack Lan Zhan’s resolve in public, even if he was the only one who noticed.A bright smile still on his face, he reached for Lan Zhan’s hand and pulled him along once again.Yes, they had visited all those places, ate all that food, and walked around Lotus Pier when they had last been here a year ago, but Lan Zhan indulged him, nonetheless, listened to every story with rapt attention, even though he knew it just as well as Wei Ying because he had heard it so many times already. When they reached the Ancestral Hall, Wei Ying paused. Tightening his hold on Lan Zhan’s hand, he couldn’t help but think of the last time they had been here, “Lan Zhan…”“Do not”, Lan Zhan interrupted him, “It’s in the past. Let us pay our respects.”
He’s right. Dwelling on the past is useless. We’ve come so far; we’re not ‘just friends’ anymore.
Lan Zhan led him into the hall. Wei Ying burned six sticks of incense and then added another three on a whim before bowing to Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu, and his dear shijie.“Wei Wuxian!”, sounded a voice from behind them and for a short moment Wei Ying froze. But no, he hadn’t done anything wrong this time. He was invited here, and he was allowed to pay his respect to his family.When they turned around, he expected to see a very angry Jiang Cheng, but instead…Jin Ling was standing in front of them. He bowed.“Happy birthday, Jin Ling”, Wei Ying said with soft smile. He hesitated but then reached for the present he had carried around all day, checking every few minutes if it was still there and also hadn’t gotten damaged on the way. He had struggled to find the perfect one. He could have just given him what he had wanted to give him 14 years ago, but Jin Ling didn’t need that one anymore, and the thought of recreating it left a bitter taste in his mouth.Instead, he had chosen something more…emotional. It took him a while and he wasn’t sure if it was the right choice, but Lan Zhan had encouraged him again and again that it was a good gift. He wished he was as good as a painter as Lan Xichen, but he wasn’t. Therefore, he had decided on something he was able to do: write.While he had lost quite a few memories from his first life due to the resentful energy eating away at him, most of the memories from when he grew up in the Jiang Clan still existed. After spending whole days wracking his brain, he had written down his favorite memories about his shijie, Jin Ling’s mother. Lan Zhan had helped him until they ended up with a book in their hands, full of stories about Jiang Yanli, both happy and sad. He didn’t have any happy memories about Jin Ling’s father, so he could only add an entry about the time Wen Chao brought them to the cave of the fake Xuanwu of Slaughter, when Jin Zixuan had spoken up against Wen Chao to protect Mianmian from Wang Lingjiao and her branding iron. He had been very brave back then.Taking a deep breath, he handed the book to Jin Ling, who grabbed it with a confused look on his face and a quiet ‘thank you’. The cover only said, ‘for Jin Ling’, so he opened it and started reading the first page. Just a few seconds later his head shot up.“Jiujiu, you…”Right in that second, someone entered the hall. “Jin Ling? Who are you talking to?”Jiang Cheng’s face showed no emotion when he recognized Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, but his eyes darkened. He’s not happy to see me.Jin Ling was still speechless, staring at Wei Ying like he had grown a second head.“Jin Ling, what’s wrong with you?”, Jiang Cheng frowned. His eyes fell on the book in his nephew’s hands, and he reached for it without hesitation. He opened it and, just like Jin Ling, he read a few sentences. He clenched his jaw, obviously trying to hold back whatever he wanted to say.“Jiujiu”, Jin Ling said again. Jiang Cheng looked up, but when he realized that he wasn’t talking to him, he snapped the book shut, turned around and stormed out of the hall. Jin Ling spun around and ran after him, “Jiujiu! My book, give it back!”Wei Ying was left in a daze. He was speechless and his vision was slightly blurry.He wasn’t sad about Jiang Cheng’s reaction, he expected it; but…“Jiujiu?”, he whispered.Wei Ying was trembling when Lan Zhan pulled him into a corner and placed a hand on his cheek, tilting up his head to look deep into his eyes. But before he could say anything, a smile broke out on Wei Ying’s face. He shook his head with a shaky breath, and threw himself into Lan Zhan’s arms, tucking his face under his chin.“Lan Zhan”, he said quietly, “You heard that, right? He called me…he called me jiujiu.”Lan Zhan kissed the crown of his head, “Mn.”Tears filled his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He hadn’t known how much he wanted to hear it, how desperately he had wanted Jin Ling’s forgiveness and to have an actual place in his life. And now…now he knew.Lan Zhan kissed him again, “Mn?”Wei Ying nodded quickly, leaving a kiss on Lan Zhan’s neck which was so wonderfully close to his face, before pulling back and dropping back on his feet. Hugging Lan Zhan like that in his new body always meant standing on his tip toes and he knew Lan Zhan loved it, even though he would never say it out loud. He likes towering over me.But Lan Zhan followed him down to kiss him softly and Wei Ying…Wei Ying let himself fall into the kiss. In that single moment nothing else mattered. He held onto Lan Zhan’s white robes tightly to keep him close for a bit longer before pulling back.“Thank you.”Lan Zhan raised his eyebrows just a little, but Wei Ying saw it. He saw it because he spent every single day looking at Lan Zhan, noticing every detail, every fleeting hint of emotion which broke the calm and neutral look on his face for only split seconds at a time. Well, in public at least. But when they were home at the Jingshi, he opened up. It had taken time and a lot of patience, but when they were at home Lan Zhan had started to open up more and more, and slowly but surely, he bloomed like a flower under Wei Ying’s care and it was so, so beautiful to see.“I know, I know. There’s no need to say ‘sorry’ or ‘thank you’ between us. But still, I mean it. Accept it just this once”, Wei Ying fluttered his lashes like he had seen so many girls do before his death, when he had still been a respected cultivator who placed fourth among all clans in terms of looks and talent. It had never affected him but Lan Zhan on the other hand…“Mn,” another soft kiss landed on his lips, followed by a gentle but strong hand on his back, guiding him to the main hall. He’s embarrassed, his ears are red.Wei Ying could barely stifle a giggle. As they walked, he never stopped smiling. Lan Zhan’s arm wrapped further around him until he was able to place his hand on his waist. Yep, he definitely likes that I’m smaller now.Covering his hand with his own, their fingers intertwined, Wei Ying happily let Lan Zhan steer him to the main hall.
The banquet lasted until deep into the night, but the atmosphere wasn’t as peaceful as one would hope it would be.Lan Zhan and Wei Ying were seated right next to Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng, therefore at the most important seats. It was a strange feeling to sit so close to a clan leader again after so much time. Even in the Lan Clan they didn’t sit that close, even though Lan Zhan’s brother was the clan leader, purely because Lan Qiren still disliked the sight of Wei Ying.
I’m not sure if he will ever get over it.
But here in Lotus Pier, Jin Ling had seated them closest to him.Sitting so closely…In not more than two days’ time, the rest of the cultivation world would know about it as well. Wei Ying, who had been kicked out of the Jiang Clan and who was involved in Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli’s deaths, sat close to the respective clan leaders.It should have felt nice, incredibly nice. It seemed to send a message to everyone in attendance, that the Jiang Clan and Jin Clan both accepted Wei Ying, and they also acknowledged Lan Zhan as his husband.But that was far from the truth. Wei Ying might have received Jin Ling’s forgiveness, but Jiang Cheng was far from forgiving him. Ever since he had entered the banquet hall and their eyes met, he looked murderous. He spoke with a strong voice and neutral face, but to everyone close to him it was obvious how angry he was. He was seething. Not even Jin Ling dared to talk to him more than necessary, as his anger also seemed to be directed at him, even though he didn’t know what he had done wrong.Wei Ying pushed his table a bit further away from Jin Ling’s and closer to Lan Zhan. It disrupted the careful arrangement in the hall, but he felt so uncomfortable, he automatically leaned more towards Lan Zhan, who instinctively grabbed one of his hands and placed them on his own thigh. It was a bold move and only fueled the whispers around them, but it made Wei Ying calm down a little. He still couldn’t look at Jiang Cheng.A few hours later, someone walked up to them. Wei Ying looked up and found Sect Leader Yao standing in front of them, scrutinizing the way they were sitting and Wei Ying’s arm. His hand seemed to vanish somewhere in Lan Zhan’s lap. It probably looked incredibly improper from the outside. Maybe that’s why Jiang Cheng looks at me like he’s trying to kill me with his eyes.“Hanguang-jun”, Sect Leader Yao nodded in his direction, “Yiling Laozu.” He didn’t greet Wei Ying so neither of them greeted him back.Something close to fear flashed in his eyes but he pretended like nothing happened.“I hope your trip here was…not as troublesome as last time. I take it with Hanguang-jun by your side you managed not to kill anyone?”Wei Ying pressed his lips together. Lan Zhan gripped his hand tight.“Right, everyone important is already dead, aren’t they? The only ones left are the host, your nephew, and your husband”, he sneered, courtesy thrown out the window. Wei Ying could only stare.“Sect Leader Yao, I don’t think this is the right place nor time”, spoke Jiang Cheng from his seat, a gruesome look on his face.Sect Leader Yao flinched, and an embarrassed flush appeared on his cheeks, “Of course, Clan Leader Jiang, you’re right.” He bowed to Jiang Cheng and without another look at Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, he walked back to his own table.
Maybe it’s not just us against the world, hm, Lan Zhan?
Jiang Cheng had shut Sect Leader Yao down, but his expression didn’t change at all, so Wei Ying started doubting he had actually done it for them.
He probably just doesn’t want any fights and knew Lan Zhan would defend me. A ruined birthday banquet is the last thing the Jin Clan needs right now.
As more and more people succumbed to the alcohol, which was flowing freely, the banquet slowly came to an end late into the night. Lan Zhan obviously didn’t drink and while Wei Ying didn’t hold back because he loved alcohol and also could use the distraction, he was doing way better than most of the other clan leaders and cultivators. He had wanted to leave and never come back multiple times, but he refused to let Jiang Cheng’s furious glare and the other attendee’s whispers get to him. This was Jin Ling’s birthday banquet. I won’t leave before Jin Ling.Sect Leader Yao was actually the last one to leave the hall; he had servants with him who were supposed to guide him to his room, but he asked Jin Ling to accompany him so they could talk some more. The latter glanced back at the remaining three people but with no other choice, he followed him outside, vanishing into the dark.Jiang Cheng was staring down at his table, twirling an empty cup in his left hand. The hall was dead silent.“Jiang Cheng…”, Wei Ying had barely started speaking but it seemed like even hearing his voice set Jiang Cheng’s already thin composure ablaze.He jumped out of his seat and smashed the cup on the floor where it broke into a thousand pieces. “Shut the fuck up!”, he roared.“Who do you think you are? Do you think we’re brothers? Do you seriously think you deserve calling yourself Jin Ling’s uncle!? And that book!”, he interrupted himself with a harsh laugh, “How dare you fucking gift him something like that?! Acting as if it wasn’t your own fucking fault jiejie is dead!”A cold hand wrapped itself around Wei Ying’s heart and squeezed and squeezed, while Jiang Cheng continued.“I don’t know what you did to make Jin Ling believe you’re a good person, but I haven’t forgotten, and I will never forgive you!” He kicked the table with so much force it flew high into the air and crashed to the ground in front of the hall entrance. Every word felt like a slap to the face und Wei Ying could only sit in silence and let Jiang Cheng vent his anger.“What did you look so hopeful for earlier, huh? Did you seriously think I defended you? You and your husband”, he seemed to spit the last part, as if he couldn’t bring himself to refer to Lan Zhan as Wei Ying’s husband, even though that’s exactly who he was.This time Wei Ying couldn’t hold back, nor could he keep his voice down. He jumped to his feet as well. “Jiang Cheng! Shut the fuck up!”A déjà-vu hit him. One year ago, Jiang Cheng had said similar things; his and Lan Zhan’s relationship had changed since then but his feelings hadn’t. He could accept everything Jiang Cheng threw at him, but…“Leave Lan Zhan out of this! What’s your fucking problem!?”Jiang Cheng looked at him incredulously, “You don’t see it? How everyone close to you ends up miserable and dead? What do you think, how much longer will he be by your side before he sees fucking reason and kicks you out?!”He didn’t even feel himself moving before his fist already connected with Jiang Cheng’s nose with a satisfying crunch. “I said, shut up!”Just at that moment, Jin Ling entered the hall.“Jiujiu!”, he cried out. He was breathless as he had run the whole way back to the hall after hearing the commotion even from far away. Everyone else had thankfully already gone to bed but it was unlikely that no one had heard anything.Wei Ying whirled around, his bloody fist still raised in the air, ready to throw another punch, gasping for breath. Tears rolled down his face.“Wei Wuxian! I invited you because I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you! Why are you hitting jiujiu!?” The disappointment in his voice reflected itself in his eyes. His shoulders dropped like someone had stacked boulders on top of them.“Jin Ling! No, I, I didn’t–” But how could he defend himself? Jin Ling had clearly seen Wei Ying punch Jiang Cheng in the face. What was there to defend? Wasn’t Jiang Cheng right after all? He didn’t deserve forgiveness after what he had done, Jin Ling’s most of all.“I…” Sobs wrecked his body.Lan Zhan was by his side in an instant. He had waited, let Wei Ying fight his own fights, but he wouldn’t stand by and watch while his husband was wronged again and again by people he considered his family. He caught him when he dropped to the ground and wrapped his arms around him. Wei Ying seemed to deflate and crumble together like a hot air balloon without fire. He sank into Lan Zhan’s arms, crying like he had done many times with no one to collect the pieces when he fell apart.Lan Zhan on the other hand was shaking from anger. Never in his life had he ever felt so much fury. Jiang Cheng was watching in pure shock from where he had fallen to his knees after Wei Ying broke his nose. In that moment, he felt fear. Fear in front of the man who loved his brother so dearly he had broken rules and boundaries since the beginning to protect him and would continue to do so to create a world his love would be safe in.“Jiang Wanyin”, Lan Zhan’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but it carried a threat. A threat to burn down Lotus Pier once again if it would keep Wei Ying from being hurt. There was a time where he had more patience for people and just stayed away from unnecessary confrontations and fights, but after everything that had happened; after losing the love of his life once, he had a lot less patience and even less fucks to give. That’s what Wei Ying said at least.Jiang Cheng swallowed, his eyes flickered between Lan Zhan, Wei Ying, and Jin Ling. When they reached his nephew, he could see the disappointment in his eyes morph into something else. Something that looked a lot like…anger. And it wasn’t directed at Wei Ying, no. He looked straight at Jiang Cheng himself. He might not have heard what Jiang Cheng had said to Wei Ying but in this moment, watching Wei Ying fall apart but fiercely protected by Lan Zhan whose eyes promised pain and fear; he could guess what happened and he, too, would protect Wei Ying from Jiang Cheng if necessary.Clenching his jaw, Jin Ling walked up to the couple and kneeled in front of them.“Jiujiu”, he said quietly, carefully placing his trembling hand on Wei Ying’s back. Wei Ying tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but he still flinched when Jin Ling touched him. Like he expected him to avenge Jiang Cheng. He moved his head a little so he could look at Jin Ling; his sobs seemed to become less but tears kept streaming down his face. He hiccupped.“Jiujiu”, Jin Ling started again, “You told me there are two things one must say at least once in his life. But actually, there are three things.”Wei Ying’s brows furrowed but his brain was too muddled to figure out what he meant. He hiccupped again. “Three?”“Thank you for the gift, thank you for everything you did for our family.”“I’m sorry for not trusting you. I’m sorry for all the bad things I’ve ever said to you. And for calling you a cut-sleeve.” He looked up at Lan Zhan, who followed every single movement.“And I forgive you. I forgive you for everything that happened because it wasn’t your fault. I hope you can forgive me in return for everything I’ve ever done or said to hurt your feelings.”For a long moment the only sound in the room was Wei Ying’s sniffles. Then he flung himself out of Lan Zhan’s arms and right into Jin Ling’s, who was only kept upright by Lan Zhan grabbing his arm with one hand.“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and you don’t need to thank me or apologize either. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was never your choice to make.”Wei Ying’s raspy voice seemed to echo in the hall. All four of them knew what he was talking about.Everything he was taught and told about Wei Ying, he had heard from Jiang Cheng first and foremost. He might not have lied, but he was so full of resentment and anger, even with all cards laid out open on the table, he wasn’t able to let go because he was scared. Scared to bring shame to his sister and his parents by forgiving the man he had decided was at fault, even if it meant ignoring the truth and hurting him in the process. Someone who he used to consider a brother.Jiang Cheng opened his mouth. He didn’t know what he had wanted to say or if he even wanted to say anything at all, but nonetheless he stayed quiet.He stayed quiet when Jin Ling helped Wei Ying stand up, when he guided the couple – husbands – out of the hall to show them their room.He stayed quiet even when Wei Ying turned around at the entrance, his eyes swollen, his face red, looking incredibly tired, and told him, “Maybe one day we can meet again when you can look at me without wanting to kill me. Maybe then you will be ready to listen.”“I’m sorry.” For a second Jiang Cheng didn’t even realize he was the one who had spoken. His voice sounded strange. It was laden with guilt and pain. It was weak. “I’m sorry.”“I know you are”, replied Wei Ying, and left.The three left Jiang Cheng behind in the banquet hall. Silence stretched between them. After a few steps, Wei Ying stopped and turned to Jin Ling, “Go back to your uncle. He needs you more than I do right now.”Jin Ling hesitated. He seemed to want to say something but ended up deciding against it. Instead, he hugged Wei Ying one more time, then whispered, “Good night, jiujiu”, and ran back to the banquet hall. Their eyes followed him until he turned a corner.Wei Ying turned to Lan Zhan and held out his hand. “Walk with me?”Lan Zhan grabbed his hand but instead of following him, he pulled him closer until their bodies collided. With a quiet oof, all the air left his lungs.Lan Zhan grabbed his hips to steady him and press their bodies close together. “Sleep.”For a few seconds, Wei Ying could only stare at him. Then he blinked up at Lan Zhan, “You don’t want to walk with me?” Since when does Lan Zhan tell me ‘no’?He shook his head, “Sleep. We will walk tomorrow. Now, sleep.”He waited a second before he added, “Cuddle.”He knows how to get me. A warm feeling spread in his chest, chasing away the cold pain enveloping his heart.“Okay, okay, you know what, you’re right”, Wei Ying grabbed Lan Zhan’s hand and led him to their rooms. “We should sleep, you’re absolutely right. I didn’t even notice how tired I actually am, ha ha ha…”He faked a yawn and tried walking faster to make Lan Zhan hurry along with him, but instead he stopped.“Lan Zhan”, he whined, “Please, walk faster. I really want to sleep!!” Of course, he didn’t.
I want cuddles, lots of them.
They obviously cuddled and fell asleep in each other’s arms every night, but it was the first time Lan Zhan bribed him with cuddles to turn Wei Ying down, so… Cuddles it is.Clearly attempting to brighten the mood, Lan Zhan wrapped one arm around Wei Ying’s back, the other behind his knees, and lifted him, successfully making Wei Ying squeal and laugh. Long gone were the times when being carried by Lan Zhan embarrassed him.When they finally – finally! – reached their chambers, Lan Zhan carefully sat Wei Ying down on the bed and helped him take off his boots and shrug off his outer robes before pulling the blanket over him until only his eyes were peeking out. He looked up at Lan Zhan, who was still standing in front of the bed, watching him. His gaze was fond, so fond and full of adoration that Wei Ying couldn’t help but blush.“Lan Zhan don’t look at me like that. You promised cuddles, don’t go back on your word now.”He couldn’t help but pout when Lan Zhan stood there a few seconds longer, before shaking his head with a soft smile on his face.Wei Ying had to quickly press a hand to his own mouth so he wouldn’t coo at this very adult and very cute man in front of him who was currently taking off his own boots and outer robes. He wanted his promised cuddles after all.Lan Zhan settled into bed beside him, laying on his back so Wei Ying could drape one half of his torso over him and rest one of his legs on his thighs. He nuzzled into Lan Zhan’s neck and let out a happy sigh when the blanket was pulled higher over their bodies and Lan Zhan’s arms curled around him. Now that they were laying down, he noticed how tired he actually was. Today was certainly a day to remember; running around Yunmeng all day, Jin Ling calling him jiujiu, the tense banquet where he could feel eyes on him at all times and then...He sincerely hoped none of the other guests had heard what happened. If they did, he just hoped they would only talk about him and they would leave Lan Zhan out of it. They shouldn’t dare to talk shit about Lan Zhan but if they do…oh, no one will ever find their bodies.“Lan Zhan”, he whispered into the dark.“Mn?”“Lan Zhan…do you think Jiang Cheng and I…”Lan Zhan pulled him even tighter against his body and pressed his face into his hair. Wei Ying took a deep breath. “One day. He is childish.”Wei Ying giggled but neither agreed nor disagreed.“Lan Zhan…”, he trailed off again.“Mn?”Warmth spread through his whole body. “Jin Ling called me his jiujiu today.”At that, Lan Zhan outright snorted. Wei Ying couldn’t keep in the laugh bubbling up in his chest. I love him.“He did”, Lan Zhan whispered into his hair, a smile clear in his voice, “He really did.”
Oh, Lan Zhan.
They fell quiet. A few minutes later Wei Ying spoke up again, at the brink of sleep but he had to tell Lan Zhan, he really had to tell him.“Lan Zhan?”“Mn?” Lan Zhan’s voice sounded just as drowsy and sleepy as Wei Ying felt.“I love you a lot.”Lan Zhan kissed his head and buried his nose in his hair. “Mn.”And then they finally fell asleep; the storms in their minds settled into a soft breeze calming their hearts.