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"Shizuku...""Shizuku?""Shizuku!""Shi... zu... ku?"Just what had she done or said wrong that dismissed her from the favor of her beloved Shizuku?Airi recalled back on all the times she had tried to confess. Heart pounding, face flushed, voice shyer than it normally was, timid, almost. Now compare those to the time she spoke normally with Shizuku. She should've realized...She was nothing compared to the brilliant light of the Tenma Tsukasa.
Breathe, Airi. You're forgetting to breathe.
Tears stung her already swollen and puffy eyes. Why? Why is it not her? She had no idea. She had no idea about a lot of things. Would things still be normal between her and Shizuku? No idea. Would she be able to pretend like all was well in front of other MORE MORE JUMP! members? Not a single thought. Would she somehow breakdown in the middle of performance? Nada. She'd probably lose her job, huh? Hope not. Sorry Minori. So what happened now, after a heartbreak? Jesus, she didn't know! Stop asking. Did she still want to live? She didn't know... probably yes?
Uhm. She needed to escape. Let's go shopping.
Regret was what Airi felt as soon as her foot set into the mall. How much more shallow can you get, Momoi? She ran out as quick as when she walked in. No wonder why Shizuku didn't think too highly of you. Shut up, shut up, shut up! The hot, prickling feeling returned to her eyes. Not now for goodness' sake! Her makeup is running, running faster than she is. She must be a sight. No wonder why- nevermind. Her mission? Get home, get home quick, and don't let anyone see you. What sort of idol would you be if you're crying like this?
The mall’s bright lights and bustling noise faded into a blur as Airi walked, her vision smearing as she blinked furiously against the fresh tears. Each step felt heavy, each thought heavier. She didn’t know when it had started—the ache when she saw Shizuku, the longing to be someone she could look at the way she looked at Tsukasa. She wanted to matter to her, to be the first name Shizuku called with that bright, easy smile. But she was Momoi Airi, the hopeless romantic with a heart too loud and a presence too invisible.
The world outside was cold, the sharp night air stinging her tear-soaked cheeks. She wished she could disappear, just this once, a brief vanishing act where she could dissolve into the shadows and watch herself from afar. Watch herself choke back sobs that shouldn’t even be there. It’s fine, she repeated like a spell, it’s fine; you’re fine. But nothing was fine, and the emptiness clawed at her like a physical ache.
The moment she stumbled into her apartment, the flood she’d tried to hold back broke free. She sank to the floor, her head cradled in her hands as she released all the tears, frustrations, and muted screams that had been choking her since her failed confession. It felt so stupid now, so foolish—her timid “I… really, really like you” drowned in Shizuku’s bright laughter and warm, casual smile.
She felt her phone vibrate beside her, a message notification lighting up the dark room. Through tear-blurred eyes, she saw Shizuku’s name flash across the screen, and she felt her breath hitch. A message from Shizuku, probably innocent, something casual—a new movie recommendation or a cute photo of her cat.
But Airi couldn’t bring herself to open it.
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Now what the Hell was that?Rui had no intention to walk in on a kissing Tsukasa and Hinomori, but now that he had, he couldn't rid his mind of the image.How did he feel? Shocked, disappointed, almost betrayed.Their interactions were sweet. A lot of giggles, Hinomori was twirling her hair around her finger, and it made him dizzy. They way they were looking at each other - the way Tsukasa was looking at her - made his heart ache.How did this happen?How could it be Tsukasa and Shizuku? Of all the people, why them? The way Shizuku giggled, a soft and musical sound, and how Tsukasa’s usual confident smirk softened as he leaned closer—it was as if they had entered a world of their own. A world where Rui, for once, didn’t belong.The hollow ache spreading through his chest felt unfair, unreasonable even. Tsukasa was his best friend, wasn’t he? They had shared countless rehearsals, hours of crafting and perfecting their performances, moments where they only had each other to depend on. And Shizuku... Shizuku was supposed to be out of reach, an untouchable, distant star that Rui could only admire from afar. Yet somehow, she had fallen into Tsukasa’s orbit, caught in his gravity in a way Rui could never be.Rui clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms as if the pain would anchor him, stop him from slipping further into that unwanted feeling. He was being irrational—Tsukasa deserved to be happy, didn't he? But then why did Rui feel so small watching them, like the world had tilted off its axis, leaving him dizzy and unsure?He forced himself to look away. No matter how much it hurt, he wouldn’t ruin this for them. He turned, footsteps echoing down the hallway as he walked away as quickly and quietly as he could, leaving behind that image of Tsukasa's rare, genuine smile—a smile that felt like it wasn’t meant for him anymore.Stumbling home in a dazed state, Rui swore he couldn't feel every time he tripped and fell, his whole body was numb, figuratively numb, literally numb, just... numb.Numb. It was a word Rui knew well—he had used it to describe himself before, on the nights when he’d lose himself in the dark, struggling with the weight of expectations he could never quite meet. But this time, it was different. It wasn’t the comfortable, familiar numbness he knew, the kind that came after long hours of pushing himself to the edge, shutting out the world to focus on his next performance. No, this was a hollow, all-encompassing void that had replaced every thought, every feeling, leaving only a dull ache that pulsed with each unsteady step.He didn’t even notice the rain starting to fall until it was soaking through his clothes, plastering his hair to his forehead. It was a cold rain, biting against his skin, but he didn’t shiver. He didn’t feel the icy droplets running down his face, mixing with the tears he didn’t even realize he’d been shedding. His heart felt heavy, yet impossibly far away, buried beneath layers of confusion and that raw, aching disappointment he couldn’t quite name.By the time he reached his apartment, Rui was soaked to the bone, his body exhausted but his mind still racing, unable to escape the image of Tsukasa's warm gaze and Shizuku's light laughter. His fingers fumbled with the keys, his movements clumsy, and he barely managed to get the door open before stumbling inside, collapsing to the floor with a dull thud.He lay there for a long moment, staring at the ceiling, rainwater pooling beneath him and soaking into the carpet. Maybe, he thought distantly, he could stay here forever—motionless, numb, waiting for the ache to fade. But he knew it wouldn’t. It never really did.With a slow, shuddering breath, Rui closed his eyes, trying to block out the memories that wouldn’t stop haunting him.
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She woke up with a sneeze. Her eyes are swollen and puffy, her throat was dry, her body felt weak and stiff. She couldn't move an inch. Airi laid on the floor like a broken mannequin waiting to be fixed. She was incredibly cold. She wanted to cry again, to release the knot in her chest that seemed to tighten with every breath, but she was too tired. All her energy had drained away sometime during the endless night—now she was just empty, drained of everything but that gnawing, all-consuming grief.
She tried to sit up, but her muscles screamed in protest, stiff from lying in the same position for so long. Instead, she lay back down with a choked gasp, curling into herself for warmth, but it didn’t help. The chill of the apartment seeped into her bones, amplifying the cold already deep inside her chest, making her shudder. Her breath was shaky and uneven, visible in the frigid morning air, and she pulled her knees closer, as if making herself small could protect her from the storm raging inside her head.
It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Heartbreak was supposed to be a temporary thing—a moment of pain, a few tears, and then you move on. But this... this felt like drowning. Her thoughts spun in circles, echoing fragments of everything she’d tried so hard to bury. Shizuku’s soft, distant smile. The warmth she shared with someone else. Airi’s own trembling, faltering voice as she failed to say the words she’d wanted to say for so long.
She hated herself for being so weak. For not being able to forget, to move on, to be happy for Shizuku the way a friend should. But she couldn’t. She didn’t know how to. Every breath felt like it hurt, and every second dragged on forever in the cold, empty silence of her apartment.
Eventually, Airi forced herself to move, shifting enough to wrap her arms around her shoulders, hugging herself tightly as if that small, pitiful gesture would make the icy void inside her chest feel a little less empty. She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut, but it didn’t stop the tears from leaking out. It only made her face burn, hot and cold at the same time, her swollen eyes stinging with every blink.
She wanted to disappear. She wanted to forget. She wanted everything to stop hurting so much.
But the morning light kept creeping into the room, stubbornly chasing away the shadows, and she was still there—alone, broken, waiting for something, anything, to make it all stop.
One ring... two rings... three...
Oh, shut up. No, Minori, I don't want to wake up. No, Haruka, I don't care if we have practice today. No, Shizuku, you can't cancel practice. Just go on without me.
She buried her face deeper into the blanket, willing herself to disappear, to become invisible, just for a little while. Her body felt like it was weighed down by a leaden exhaustion, and every beat of her heart was a reminder of what she had lost. She wanted to stay here forever, hiding away in the dark, where the pain was dull and distant and she didn’t have to pretend to be okay.
The phone finally stopped ringing, the silence that followed heavier than before. Airi exhaled shakily, feeling a tear slip down her cheek and disappear into the blanket. She knew she couldn’t stay like this forever, but for now—just for now—she could pretend. Pretend that the world outside didn’t exist, that MORE MORE JUMP! didn’t need her, and that her heart wasn’t broken beyond repair.
The quiet lasted only a moment before the phone buzzed again, a new message lighting up the screen. She didn’t look at it. She didn’t want to. Instead, she turned over, her back to the glowing device, and pulled the blanket over her head, blocking out the light, blocking out the world. If she didn’t move, if she didn’t think, maybe the pain would stop clawing at her chest.
Just for a little while longer, she wanted to stay in the dark.
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The water felt oddly comforting as it rushed harshly down on his hair. His head was in the sink, neck tied to the taps, in case natural instinct took over and foiled his plans. He had thought about this moment for a while now, sitting in the silence of his room with nothing but his despair as company. It was easier than facing the truth, easier than admitting that he felt abandoned, that he wasn’t enough. The suffocating weight of his emotions had grown too heavy to bear, and in that moment, this felt like the only way out.In that moment, he had resolved to escape it all, the weight of abandonment, failure, and heartache. He thought this was the end—the release he craved.But just as the darkness began to settle in, a force yanked him back into the world, gasping for air as his mother pulled him from the sink. The shock of the cold air hit him like a slap, and he blinked rapidly, struggling to focus through the haze of water and despair.“Rui!” Missus Kamishiro’s voice trembled, thick with panic as she cupped his face in her hands. Her eyes were wide with fear, glistening with tears that reflected her anguish. “What have you done? Oh my God, what were you thinking?”For a moment, he couldn’t answer. The chaotic whirl of emotions in his mind dulled everything else, and he felt like he was floating in some surreal dream. Did she really care? Did it matter now? The questions circled his mind, dizzying him further.He turned his face away, unable to meet her gaze. “I... I just wanted it to stop,” he managed to whisper, voice trembling as if the words themselves carried the weight of his suffering. “I thought it would be easier.”“Easier?” His mother’s voice cracked, the anguish palpable as she shook her head, pulling him closer to her, as if her embrace could shield him from the pain he carried. “Rui, please. You’re not alone. You never have to be alone.”Her touch grounded him, bringing a warmth that felt foreign yet desperately needed. He felt the jagged edges of his thoughts start to soften under her unwavering presence. The confusion swirling in his mind began to settle, if only for a moment, as he realized the truth behind her words. He had felt so isolated, trapped in his own despair, that he had forgotten the connections that anchored him to this world.“I don’t know what to do anymore,” he admitted, the weight of his heartache spilling over as the tears he had held back finally broke free. They mingled with the remnants of the water still dripping from his hair, falling onto the cold tile floor beneath them. “I feel... lost. Like I’m never enough.”“Oh, Rui…” she murmured, wrapping her arms tighter around him. “You are more than enough. You are loved beyond measure, and I’m so sorry you’ve felt like this. Please, let’s talk. Let me help you.”He leaned into her, the warmth of her embrace breaking through the icy numbness that had settled deep within him. It felt like a lifeline, a fragile thread pulling him back from the edge. As he buried his face in her shoulder, he let the sobs escape, raw and unfiltered, and for the first time in a long while, he didn’t feel like he was drowning.Maybe there was a way back to the surface after all. He just couldn't see the end of the path.
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Turned out she didn't stay in the dark for just a while longer. Airi stayed for what seemed like an eternity, not eating, barely drinking, lapsing in and out of consciousness...Lapsing in and out of consciousness. She felt as if she were drifting between worlds—one where laughter echoed in the hallways, where Shizuku’s smile was meant for her, and another where the weight of reality pressed down like an anchor.Airi curled into herself, her knees drawn up under her chin, and closed her eyes, wishing for the comforting darkness to swallow her whole. It was safer than facing the truth; it was easier than dealing with the bright light of happiness that had abandoned her. In those moments of silence, she could almost forget about the world outside her window, the vibrant life that continued without her.But the darkness was not as forgiving as she hoped. It gnawed at her, reminding her of every whispered conversation she had overheard, every glance shared between Shizuku and Tsukasa that now felt like daggers in her heart.Lapsing in and out of consciousness, Airi wondered how long more until her strength would recover and she could forget and live again.Lapsing in and out of consciousness, she can't help but feel—
Her suffering is eternal.
“Why does it hurt so much?” she whispered into the silence, her voice barely audible. The question hung in the air, unanswered, echoing back at her with a bitterness that only deepened her anguish.In her mind, she saw Shizuku’s smile again—brighter than the sun, captivating and warm. It was a smile that had once lit up her world, a beacon of hope she had thought was meant for her alone. Airi’s heart twisted painfully in her chest as she recalled the laughter they shared, the moments that had felt so real.But now, it was all just a cruel joke played by fate. Shizuku had chosen Tsukasa, and Airi was left with the remnants of a dream that had shattered beyond repair.Each day blended into the next, a monotonous cycle of heartache. Airi thought of reaching out, of letting someone in, but the words caught in her throat, a tangible reminder of her isolation. What could she possibly say? How could she explain the gaping void inside her that felt so insurmountable?The hours stretched into days, and in that thick fog of despair, she sometimes caught herself wondering if she would ever find the strength to rise again. Would the world ever feel bright and inviting again? Or was she destined to remain trapped in this darkness, where happiness seemed a distant memory, just out of reach?In those dark moments, when she felt utterly alone, Airi thought of the light outside her window. The sun rose and set, day after day, indifferent to her suffering. It was a reminder that life continued, that the world spun on its axis regardless of her pain. She longed for that warmth, for the sunlight to break through the heavy clouds that had settled over her heart.But each time she tried to imagine stepping out of her cocoon, to reach for that light, the weight of despair pulled her back, whispering lies that she was unworthy of happiness. How could she ever forgive herself for feeling this way when everyone else seemed to move forward?
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Rui was put to bed immediately after the incident for fear of coming down with a cold.In the end, he did, and what a cold it was.Well, at least, he was out cold.Rui slept for a solid three days, a sleep that was as deep as the Divine Rest itself. His body had demanded this reprieve, and the fever had claimed him, dragging him into a world where time no longer seemed to matter. His mind was suspended, trapped between moments of feverish delirium and dreamless blackness, until it wasn't.His dream was tragic—filled with wistful thoughts of Tsukasa, resentment, and jealousy towards Hinomori Shizuku, and sickening images of the pair together.The scene was always the same: Tsukasa’s bright, stupidly arrogant grin, the one that made him smile too. And beside him, Shizuku—her gentle eyes, her soft smile. She looked happy. Too happy.In the dream, Rui could never get close to them. No matter how hard he reached, no matter how much his hands trembled, he was always just an inch too far from her. The space between them widened as Shizuku pulled him out of reach, leading him somewhere, wrapping her hands onto his arms as if he belonged to her—something Rui had never been able to grasp.The sound of their laughter echoed in his ears, sharp and taunting. like, WIP but