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She knew the monk as he had, she was the only that understood his fascination and adoration of the monk. Floki detested him, Lagertha was indifferent but she knew. It was one of the many reasons Ragnar adored her, she was the calm to his wild, the solace to his troubles and without her, he would never have survived as long as he did. Where his wives raged against him, she soothed his worried mind. She gave him a son, a boy that reminded him daily of her and all the beauty she had given him in the years they were together.
She did not try to usurp the crown from either of his wives, she had no interest in it but only wished for his affection, his attention. She was the only that when the end came for him, knew what he was to do and fought against him. It was the only time she raised any anger towards him but he ignored it, he knew his path was paved. He gave to her the necklace he wore around his neck, though he had thought it better to the monk's own son but he hoped in time both would come together as their father's had.
"Tell him that he is to find the one this belongs to for me, I have no more time to wait," he stated as he placed it in her hand and closed her fingers over the cross.
"No," she said firmly and he sighed, stroking her cheek. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and her lips.
"Do not be angered with me, little sunna," he pleaded as he gazed into her eyes.
"You leave me, you go to a place I will not find you," she said and Ragnar sighed, glancing over at their son asleep in the cot. "You leave your son before he is grown, before he can know the father who he will wish to imitate," she continued.
"I do not expect you to understand my reasons but know I do not go for lack of love for you," he replied. "Nor my sons," he said and moved towards the cot, gazing down at the five year old asleep. "I go because there is nothing left in this mortal realm that can heal me," he said and turned back to her.
"And what am I then?" she asked angrily and he smiled.
'You are and always have been my sun but it does not shine bright enough for me anymore," he replied. "I am shadowed by my deeds and my losses, I cannot bear them any longer," he said softly and she studied him for a moment before crossing the floor, taking his hand in hers.
"Please go with the knowledge that my love follows close behind," she murmured and kissed his lips. "I do not want you to leave but I cannot stop you and I will not have depart on such angry words from me," she said and he smiled sadly at her. He kissed her once more and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him close.
----
She watched from afar as his sons raged after his death, some in Kattegat and others returning home from their travels to mourn him. She watched as the contempt against foreign kings built and their names were cursed to the Gods above. She clutched her son close to her and returned to her home, existing as though Ragnar was only away on a raid.
---
Ivar was enraged, she watched as it filled his eyes and glanced over at her son who had filled his plate to the rim.
"He is not one of us," he seethed and she narrowed her eyes as she gazed at him.
"He is of Ragnar's blood and so he is one of you," she replied and Ivar growled, punching the table with his fist.
"Ivar," Ubbe warned, the only brother able to ebb his brother's fire. "What do you want from the Ragnarsson name?" he asked her.
"That is all I want," she said and Ubbe's eyebrows raised. "The name," she said.
"With his name comes his legacy," Ivar hissed and she smiled at him.
"Exactly, he is owed that," she retorted.
"He is owed nothing!" he exclaimed and she sighed, rising from her chair.
"I can see you are without sense or logic, it is something your father feared for you and it is obvious why now," she said. "I will not come to you again for this but I will not refrain from using his name for our son," she stated.
"You will not speak his name in this hall!' Ivar shouted and she stopped for a moment then turned to face him.
"As much as you detest me, as much as you reject me, my son has the blood of Ragnar Lothbrok running through him and he will be honored as such," she said quietly and patiently. "You will either accept that or not, I do not care," she said and then walked from the table, finding a seat with her son.
"Ivar, why must you act so crassly?" Ubbe asked, his gaze on the boy and then looked back to Ivar.
"Crassly! She does not know the burden of which she places on the Ragnarsson name by asking us to claim her bastard!" he exclaimed and Ubbe sighed.
"Father did not hide his adoration of Svala, he did not deny Ulfrik either," he said. "I do not know why you argue with it now," he said and sat across from his brother.
"She was not Queen of Kattegat, she holds no legal right to the throne," he said and Ubbe rolled his eyes.
"She does not want the throne, Ivar, she only wants us to honor her son as one of Ragnar's," he said and Ivar growled.
"She will come for the throne, when we are old and weak, she will come for it with her son that will be young and fierce," he promised.
"Ivar, drink less and be done, your tongue gets head of you," Hvitserk said as he pulled his brother's cup away from him but Ivar grabbed it angrily, hissing as the ale sloshed on him. Both brothers laughed and shook their head at their youngest brother's anger.