Work Text
The mirror is scratched.
A streak diagonal from the top right to the bottom left. One bend in the middle.
It creates a disturbance in his reflection.The eyes looking back at him were never his.
But now they must be.
He blinked.
This day wasn't supposed to come.
Not so soon or,
Not like this.
What was he thinking? Why would he think something so crass against his brother?
His bold and intriguing older brother…who was awake now.
He was awake now.“Ramuda.”
Gentaro shifted in his seat, closing the book he was reading, finding that he had been unable to even get past the first word for the better part of the last three minutes.
His pink haired friend craned his neck around, his big eyes seeming wider than usual.
“Wha?” He moved a hand up to remove the lollipop from his mouth, lips faintly pink from the colouring in the candy. He was in the midst of sewing a mockup of a garment intended for his next line.
“May I make an odd inquiry?” Gentaros lips quirked into a smile.
Ramuda turned to face the author, smiling to mirror him. “Yeah~ of course!”
Gentaro moved the book to his side, placing his hands in his lap. “have you ever considered what your next life would be like?”
He paused, wanting to finish the thought with an addendum, but Ramuda jumped to answer.
“Nope!” He smiled, lips thin across his face. “I only focus on my life now, I don't care what comes next, as long as I get to spend time with the people I like, that's all that matters~”
He pressed his palms onto his knees and leaned forward. “You shouldn't think about your next life either, Gentaro!”
Then, He inhaled sharply and sprung to his feet, as if the question hadn't even been phased. “Let’s get lunch!” “They'll be bringing you lunch in a moment”
His brother's eyes fluttered open, blinking the sleep away. “Ah…it seems you…know the schedule very well…”
His cheeks burned, shame and embarrassment flooding his face as he searched for an answer.
He knew he was still only regaining his memory,
But it stung.
In the back of his head, at the base of his skull.
It burned.
He put out so much,
And he didn't realize it yet.
“Yes, I must admit, I've spent quite a lot of time here…taking care of you.” he shifted slightly, smoothing his hakama out.
His brother's hakama.
“I appreciate the gesture, though I fear I must apologize again for not recognizing you immediately”
The raspy nature of his brother's voice scraped along his eardrums, cursing his thoughts.
“It's not your fault, nor mine. It was…” Gentaro breathed in slowly “Out of our control at the time.”
The air suddenly stiffened around him. “Your mother…”
The three of them sat in Ramudas studio silently, the air heavy and stiff.
“Otome Tohoten is your mother.”
The muscles in his jaw twitched and tightened, his teeth clenching together so solid that any more force would fuse them together.
“It’s out of our control,” ramuda said bluntly. “Dice can’t help the person who gave birth to him!”
“Yes, but he could have told us sooner”
“Hey!” The blue haired vagrant barked. “Speak for yourself on secrets, Gentaro, you never mentioned a brother!”
His face burned. “It was never relevant. If we had known Otome was your mother we could have-”
He stopped and sucked in a breath, eyes flickering between the two.
“What?’ Dice's voice was dry. “Could have what? Done something to stop her?”
Gentaro folded his hands into his lap and closed his eyes, the outlines of his two best friends burned into his eyelids.
“I must apologize…” The air that evening was crisp.
It was nearing autumn, the leaves on the trees beginning to shift in colour to the golds, oranges, and reds that adorned the season.
This wasn't supposed to happen so soon.
Ah, But why does he keep thinking like that?
The entire reason he continued the lie was to preserve his brother's life, so that when he returned, his work would still be recognized and his image wouldn't fade.
So why was he disappointed?
Why now?
The plan was easy. The plan was simple.
Once his brother woke up, he could end the act.
Guilt bubbled up in his throat like bile.
Burning him from the inside. “The third division rap battle will be different”
Gentaro opened his eyes and looked over at Dice, who was pinching the bridge of his nose.
“She-she has to do it, right?” His tongue clicked against his teeth and he pressed the heel of his palm into his forehead.
“What the fuck was she thinking when she said all that mess about stepping down as prime minister and stuff?”
“I dunno,” Ramuda sighed, laying his head down on the arm of his couch. “Well if she isn't the leader, can she even do the DRB?”
“Man” Dice sucked in through his teeth, rocking back into his seat “I dunno either..”
Sighing loudly, he turned his head ever so slightly.
“What do you think, Gentaro?” “....ro…”
Wait until his brother wakes up…then he can end the lie.
“....aro…”
Then he can end the lie.
“.....taro!...”
Then he can-
“GENTARO!”The sudden sensation of hands grabbing his wrists forced him into the present.
“Hey, dude, what the heck is up with you?”
Dice.
“Ah…” He mused, “I’m simply thinking about the future, as one does”
His eyes flicked down to Dice's hands, still clamped tightly to him. “never fear, Dice, you shan’t lose me if you let go~”
Dice clicked his tongue against his teeth and released his hold.
“I was-” he groaned, “Just trying to get your attention. you've been out of the loop all day, get back down onto earth”
Ramuda bounded around the corner and pressed his palm to his head.
“Blah!” he stuck his tongue out. “People can be so annoying, right?”
He reached out and poked his teammates playfully, “Were you guys telling secrets over here?”
Before Dice could get a word in, Gentaro grabbed him and pulled him close. “Of course. We were waxing on about how we love each other so, and exchanging sweet nothings, I apologize we couldn't include you, our love is simply too strong.”
Dice tore himself away from Gentaro, his cheeks tinged with embarrassment.
“You need to stop with that shit, man!” He squeezed his hands together, “we were not. You're so full of it…”
Ramuda laughed and jabbed Dice in the shoulder playfully. ”aww~ Diiiceee come on! You don't love Gentaro? Why not? I thought you were lovers in a past life, right?”
He groaned and his hands flew up to cover his face. “Shut up! That was also a story he made up, I never agreed or anythin’! ”
Ramuda hummed and rocked back on his feet, and took a sudden breath, as if he hadn't had a chance to inhale for some time.
“yeah well Gentaro is always telling stories, isn't he?” A thin smile stretched across his face. “That’s just how he is, though!”Is that…
Is that how he is?The mirror
Is…
Scratched.
A streak diagonal from the top right to the bottom left. One bend in the middle.
It created a disturbance in his reflection.The crunch of leaves under his feet was the only sound that he could hear. Even his breathing was deadly quiet.
What would he even do?
He made every effort to make a divide between who he used to be and who he needed to be.
There couldn't be any fault in his image
Because it wasn't his image.
It was his brothers.“And we love him how he is, right Dice?” Ramuda made a playful heart with his hands.
Dice sighed and scratched his cheek. “yeah…well…” his face was still faintly blushed.
“Anyway!” Ramuda extended his arms out and hoisted the two other men to their feet. Despite ramuda being significantly smaller, he was still strong enough to drag them around without a problem.
“Let's go get something to eat, huh? Why don't we go to a cafe and get something sweet?”
Instantly, Dice's demeanor changed.
“Aw, yeah! If you're paying, I'll eat anything!”
Ramuda tilted his head a bit and sniffed lightly.
“Well, I'll add it to your running tab, but whatever! Let's just go eat something cute!”
Gentaros lips curled up at the ends, and he pushed forward as a warm jolt of energy ran through his chest. “Well, if it interests you, Ramuda, Dice, I know of an exclusive cafe that's currently running, and it's known for its ‘adorable’ menu items. Shall we go?”
Ramuda spun around and walked backwards effortlessly while still focused on Gentaro. ”Yes! That sounds great! Where is it?” He bounced a bit on his heels, seeming to skip as he moved backwards, unaware of the other people that may be around him but still able to avoid them naturally.
“It’s somewhere here in Ikebukuro. I heard about it from my editor, he asked if I would make an appearance at the event being held at the establishment for independent authors.”
He put his finger to his chin in thought. “I suppose this could serve as an opportunity to see what it's like before I agree, right?”
Ramudas head bobbed quickly and he jumped up and spun around to face forward again. “Absolutely! Let's go!” “The doctor gave me some information on your Condition…”
His voice was soft, barely above a whisper as he spoke to his brother.
“Your amnesia is fully treatable, but will take extensive therapy…”
His brother inhaled softly and nodded. “If that's what it takes, I'll accept the circumstances….”
His brother moved his hand to softly lay on Gentaros, which was placed on the bed.
“I appreciate your determination…I only wish I could fully remember…”
His eyebrow twitched and he turned his hand up to gently hold his brother's hand, now soft from disuse.
“Do not blame yourself, it wasn't your fault…don't ever blame yourself…”
His brother nodded and sighed, trying to force a smile.
“Still, it makes me uneasy that you spent so much time taking care of me…yet I do not know who you are. You, who looks so much like me, who has my clothes and demeanor…I feel as if you are familiar, yet so far from me. I wish I knew.”
Gentaro closed his eyes and clenched his teeth.
“If only you did know…”“Ah…”
“Aw man!”
The three stood in front of the cafe and looked up at the darkened storefront.
“This paper here says…uh” Dice squinted and stepped forward to read the large piece of paper plastered onto the door. “The cafe will be closed until tomorrow?! They close every Tuesday!?”
He groaned and moved away, tossing his head back. “What're we gonna do now?? I'm starvin!”
He placed a hand on his stomach and wobbled around, acting like he would faint.
Gentaro folded his hands in front of himself and looked away.
“I must apologize…” His voice was low and solemn, as if someone had died.
Ramuda leaned over to look at him. “Why are you apologizing, Gentaro? You didn't close the cafe, did you?”
Gentaro shook his head and sighed. “No, I wasn't the cause of closure, but I was the one who suggested this cafe, not knowing it would be…” His eyes drifted up to the others. “And as a result we walked all the way here only to find this…I wasted your valuable time.”
Gentaro looked at the two with a serious expression, and after a moment of silence, Ramuda and Dice exchanged a look, and laughed.
“It’s fine, Gentaro! We can go somewhere else” Ramuda stepped forward and poked Gentaro playfully. “And then we can come back some other time!”
Dice nodded and shifted his weight to one foot, “yeah man, you didn't know it was closed. There's always next time.”
Gentaro sniffed and smiled in relief.
“yes... there's always next time.”Next time? Will there be a next time?
The water was warm, still drinking in the warm summer sun.
His clothes were heavy.
His brother's clothes.
Why didn't he change? His brother will be disappointed…
His brother…
He can go on now, his therapy has begun and the doctor said he's doing well.
That he should recover in a few months if everything goes okay.
But what about them?
Will they be sad or disappointed?
Will they miss him?
They never really knew him, though…
But
But he knew them. And he did show them parts of himself that seemed to be genuine
From what he could recall of himself.But he was never really there at all
And he could never be real again
He was never meant to be real to begin with.
He was there for his brother
But his brother was strong
He wouldn't need him anymore.He couldn't breathe.
It felt cold, now.
Tingling ran through his chest, and there was a tightness behind his eyes.
He was so cold.
He gave up, finally
And it was dark now.
But it was okay.He wasn't needed anymore. Desperately, he slams his palm into the door of Ramuda’s studio.
“Ramuda! Open up! hey!” His body was hot, full of adrenaline and fear. “Open the door Ramuda!!”
He moves his hand to knock again, but the door flies open before he can.
“D-dice!” Ramuda looks up at him with bug-like eyes, a cold shock spreading through him.
He's never seen Dice like this before.
“What's wrong? Are you okay?” He pulls the man inside the studio, and immediately, dice takes Ramuda by the shoulders.
“Have you heard from Gentaro at all?”
Ramuda slowly shakes his head.
“No but, you know he's an author so he has deadlines and-”
“No, ramuda, when was the last time Gentaro released a book?”
Ramuda blinks and places a finger on his chin. “Ah…uhm, I don't really keep up, he releases so many!”
Dice nods, “That's just it!” he exhales a shaky breath.”He hasn't released anything in months! Nothing at all! I-”
“I haven't seen him or heard anythin’ at all even, I texted him and all, and I know he doesn't text like that but-”
Ramuda blinks, his shoulders curling in slightly. “Ahn..now that you mention it ..eh…I texted him a while ago and he never answered?”
Dice’s lips press into a thin line. “How long ago?”
Ramuda closes his eyes and reaches down into his pocket, his charms clicking together as he pulls out his phone. “Uh..” he taps the screen a few times and then scrolls for a moment.
“Oh…w…well…wow, almost two months ago?”
Dice's body became ice, his jaw clenching as tight as it could.
“We need to go find him.”Usually it wasn't this busy on a Monday.
It was busy, yes but never this busy.
And it didn't help that Gentaro’s office just happened to be in an area of Shibuya with heavy foot traffic no matter what day.
“Why!” Dice growls as he weaves through people, pushing past whoever was in his way without any regard.
“Why is his stupid studio in the middle of shibuya!!”
He was talking to no one and everyone at the same time, hoping someone would hear him and understand and know his frustration.
When he finally comes upon the steps of the building, he feels dread crawling up his throat, but tries to swallow it.
He and Ramuda will go up there and he’ll be sitting at his table drinking tea or writing a manuscript or whatever else Gentaro could be doing.
He has to be there.
They already checked all the cafes he frequented, and called his editor, who was unavailable.
He has to be here because there's nowhere else he could be.
A wave of cool air washes over them as they enter the building, their sweat becoming cold on their skin.
“Here, here” Ramuda fumbles around in his pockets as they ascend the stairs, finally pulling out the key to Gentaro’s studio that he had made when Gentaro was sick and had asked them to come deliver his manuscripts for him while he recovered.
“Damn, I’m gonna get him so bad when I get in there, he's not gonna know what day it is”
Dice growls through his teeth, sweat running down his forehead in small droplets.
Upon reaching the precipice of the studio, Ramuda jams the key in, turning the lock as his hand trembles with adrenaline.
The door hadn't even opened fully before Dice was calling out to Gentaro, storming inside to search the small one room space.
Ramuda stood in the doorway frozen.
Dice couldn't see it past his blind drive, but the apartment had been untouched for some time.
This was made transparent by the presence of a thick layer of dust across everything.
Gentaro wouldn't leave it so unkept.
“Dice.” His voice was lower now, his mask fading as he steps into the studio fully, the still and warm air furthering the fact that no one had been here in quite some time.
Dice, who was inspecting the bathroom, came out, face wet with tears and sweat. “Hey, Ramuda, where else could he be?!”
His voice cracks as he moves in closer to him.
“He has to be somewhere- huh? What about his actual house?”
Ramuda presses his lips together in a thin line.
“Has he ever told you where he actually lives?”
He looks up at the other man, the light in the ceiling reflecting in his blue gaze.
Dice shivers and shakes his head, then swallows. “M-maybe he's…out”
Ramuda inhales, realizing he hadn't taken a full breath in a while.
“Dice,” when he speaks again, it's his usual melodic voice “I think we woulda’ seen him by now? We've been all over shibuya and-”
Dice laughs dryly, ”What if he's not even here, what if he's overseas on some business trip? Some sorta’ writer thing?”
Ramuda shakes his head and takes Dice's hand, leading him out of the studio quickly. “Ah-” He laughed, “I think he would have told us! Uhm…well I-” He scratches his cheek lightly. “I have one more place I think he could be, so let's go there!”
They don't close the door behind them as they exit the building and push themselves back onto the busy shibuya streets.“What would I do without you two, seriously?”
Ramuda bit down hard on his pink bubblegum popsicle, which made Gentaro and Dice cringe.
“I really thought we had it made for us there and that stupid Jakurai would win again-” He blew air into his cheeks and whistled loudly before jumping to his feet.
“But~we won! And it was all ‘cause of you guys!”
Dice sniffed and hummed as he inspected his ice cream. “I mean, if Gentaro hadn't used his rap ability then we totally would have been cooked”
Gentaros eyes flicked down to Dice and he smiled modestly.
“Ah, but if you hadn't sacrificed yourself so nobly, Dice, I wouldn't have been able to use my rap ability.”
He leaned over and nudged him softly. “It's really an effort of all of us, after all.”
He smiled up at Ramuda “Including you, our fearless leader”
Ramuda sniffled and let go of his popsicle, allowing it to fall to the ground unceremoniously, before throwing himself at Dice and Gentaro, squeezing them in an embrace.
“You two are so great! I love you guys!” He whined lightly, holding back genuine tears.
“Promise me we’ll be posse forever? Even when this stupid division rap battle stuff stops?”
He moved back, still looking at the two with big wet eyes.
Gentaro and Dice shared a laugh, nodding in unison.
“Yes,” Gentaro said softly.
“I can promise safely that we will be posse…forever.” From the back, he was identifiable.
He’s so eccentric, you instantly know it’s him
But from behind they can tell something is wrong.
“Gentaro!”
It was him
“Gentaro! Hey! Stop!”
It wasn't him.
Dice thrusts his arm forward and grabs him by the shoulder, spinning him around to face them. “Hey, Gentaro!-”
Then he stops cold.
He looks like Gentaro, for sure.
But something is wrong.
The clothes are the same but…
His face. It’s rounder, softer.
And his eyes are a paler green, with little flecks of yellow.
Not the signature violet spots that decorated Gentaro's irises.
It wasn't him.
Dread fills them from the inside out. It was cold and dangerous and made the two uneasy.
“You two…ah…”
Even his voice is different. Darker and quieter.
“You’re his friends, right?”
“Who?!” Dice barks, his nose wrinkling over the bridge.
“My brother…”
His brother.
“He-”
Ramuda reaches out from his place beside Dice and grabs Gentaro's brother by his sleeve.
“Don't you dare. Don't even tell us! Don't let us know where he went!”
His eyes were full of tears threatening to fall, shiny and desperate.
“You never knew him, we were never here, and we don't know you.”
He lets go of him and turns on his heels to walk away.
Dice sucks in a sharp breath, whipping his head around to watch ramuda leave, conflicted on if he should say anything. Gentaro's brother sways a bit and hums, moving to speak. Dice stops him before he can even get out a word.
He looks at him again, taking in what may be the last time he'll see anything related to his best friend ever again, and then turns to follow behind Ramuda. Why do people lie? To avoid an uncomfortable truth or to convince themselves that the lie will eventually become truth?