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It didn't even hurt. She kind of hoped it would, she made the speech and everything.Anya stopped crying a bit ago, but she still felt the tears drying on her face, growing fainter and fainter, collapsed on the floor next to Curly's bed. She couldn't see him from this angle, but she could still hear him vocalizing, the bed was shifting with his desperate movements.A bit late to be proactive in her safety, wasn't it, captain? Even still, part of her mourned that she was subjecting him to... this. The other part of her, shamefully, didn't mind as much. She felt so angry, and while he wasn't the focus of her ire, she'd express it how she can all the same.That loathing flowed in her veins, even with her heart slowing by the minute, blood dripping in long streaks from her nose. Even with her sight fading to black, as her senses swim in stars and pixels.This wouldn't last long, there wasn't anything to be done now.She should've done this from the beginning....But then she woke up.Lying on something soft. Well, softer then the med-bay's floor at least. She opens her eyes, shifting carefully with a strength that seemed impossible for her less then a minute ago. This was her old bed, and even with the light off, it was clear she was in the women's sleeping quarters.Confused, she looks down at her hands, and then back to the dark room around her. Instinctually, she reaches up to her nose, still remembering the feeling of the trails of blood. But there was nothing to wipe, it was just her face.She was just... back here. The sleeping quarters were destroyed in the crash, weren't they? There isn't foam anywhere. It was as if she woke up from a bad...It couldn't have all been a dream. It just couldn't. As much as Anya gets lost in her fantasies and wishful thinking, she'd never- Not to that degree! And not in that much detail. And even if it was- How much of this haul wasn't? How long was she dreaming, what-She trips off her bed and tries to regain her balance. This was all, too perfect. She was supposed to be dead. She- she already decided. It's not like she wanted to, but- it couldn't have just been in her head. Her skin feels itchy and cold. She hated being here, awake, especially in the middle of the night.She needs some air, somewhere to collect her thoughts. She throws on her company overalls as fast as she can, and barely has the patience to put on socks before she rushes out of the bedroom in to the main hall.Everything is still dark, the room illuminated by the screen displaying the night sky over above the lounge. She approaches it wearily. It's spotless, free from Swansea's axe marks. Well, nearly spotless. She won't look at the upper right corner, though. She wants to pretend it's real.Suddenly, a voice behind her makes her heart jump to her throat."You doing ok?"She grips the cushions of the couch so hard it feels like it might rip. She doesn't turn around, though. Her eyes remain locked on the screen. She feels frozen in place. His gentle steps on the metal floor approach her."Anya?" Curly's old voice asks, a prick of worry sneaking in to his tone. He's actually... Here, again, with her, in the flesh. She can't even look at him. She can't even move. Did she lose her mind? Did something finally snap, after everything she's been through. Could she not tell reality from fantasy anymore?More steps, he must be right behind her now. Undoubtedly thinking she lost either her hearing, or her mind. A hand hovers over her shoulder, but hesitates and withdraws back."Anya, is everything alright?" the voice returns, softer."Y-Yeah" She manages to croak out. Her voice is course and foreign. "Can't sleep."A barely audible sigh of relief sounds behind her "I know how that is. I just toss and turn." Curly says empathetically, she feels his eyes, briefly at the back of her head. "...Or stare at the ceiling all night."And just like that, it comes back to her. This night, staring at the digital view, talking with Curly for one of the last times. She's been here before. He said this before. This doesn't make any sense.She's five months in the past. Or something that looks just like it. All of it, all she's been through- she didn't end it, she just started it all over again."Is this hell?" She chokes out, asking without any real thought."Certainly feels like it sometimes, doesn't it?" Curly chuckles coldly. "But we'll get through it. I promise."Liar. She feels unwanted anger rise in her like bile. Anya wants to turn around and push him. She never thought she was a violent person, she hates what this place has done to her. What Curly allowed to be done to her.And she really is back. How is it possible? Everything is fixed again. Her eyes lower to her stomach. Every single thing is fixed... except for her. Except the worst moment of her life. She turns slowly, her words quiet, barely even hostile."What do you care?" She whispers out. He tilts his head in confusion, his blond hair with a major case of bed-head. His overalls thrown together just like hers. He's exactly how she remembered him, a carbon fucking copy. He never looked at her like this before, though."Anya, is everything-? Of course I care about you." He tries to read her conflicted expression, puzzled. It's futile, she doesn't even know how she feels. Maybe she just needs this, needs to let it all out on somebody who won't fight back. Isn't that what she'd been doing already?"Can't care about everyone, Curly" She says the simple truth, one that she was made to feel selfish for. "Doing nothing doesn't save me, and it certainly won't save you." At his confused expression, she shakes her head, resigned."Why do I bother. You never..." here words die in her throat. 'Listen?' 'Do anything about it?' She doesn't even know what she means."Won't 'Save' me? Never what? What are you talking about, Anya- is there anything you've held back from me?" He seems genuinely worried and confused, clearly wasn't ready for this confrontation at the middle of the night. "Is this about him?"She could tell him what happens to him in two days. What happens to them all, months after Curly's little stunt. But she can't find the words. No, that's not quite true, she can't find the malice. What would it help, anyways. She warned him about Jimmy last time, too, now she just knows more specifics.After a moment of silent, angry, staring- Curly continues, "I do care about you." He reaffirms. "All of you. You're my crew. You're my responsibility."She looks down, shadows wrapping around her, silhouetted from his prospective by the moon. "All of us?" She mumbles, there's a bitter taste in her mouth. "Of course. All of us.""Anya you can't-" He huffs, sounding more helpless then frustrated with her "What do you want me to do? He's our co-pilot, I can't just-" His eyes don't quite meet hers. "We'll finish this delivery, and then you'll never have to see him again. Do you want me to shift things around, so your schedules-""Curly, I'm pregnant." She raises her voice sharply. "I don't have eight months!" Last she checked, she had three, but if everything really did... it should be back to eight. She wants to puke.He seems stunned. "...You're..." He looks back towards the bedrooms. She didn't tell him about her pregnancy today, five months ago- she realizes. Following his glance, a chilling thought comes down her spine."Is this why you do it, Curly?" She shoots an accusatory stare. "Is this why you steer us into that asteroid. Is the consequences for his actions so bothersome you'd rather just wipe the slate clean?""Anya, I don't understand what you're talking about. But if you really are-" He cuts himself off. "How about we both go back to sleep, we can figure everything out in the morning, alright? No one is going hurt you.""Goddamnit, Curly..." She walks past him, her mind still buzzing from anger. Breathing short from letting everything she stewed on out. The things she didn't dare to say last time. She doesn't feel better."Someone already has."-----Tears sting the sides of her eyes by the time she throws herself back in her bed, in a space that will never be truly safe again. Slowly, the pulsing in her ears slows, and she's left in the silence.Sleep doesn't come easy. Dreams go even worse, even in her own mind Anya can't escape him. Can't lock him out. She's so sick and tired of being helpless.She wakes up maybe an hour too early for the bell, the room somehow quieter then her own head. The lights have started to come alive, a calculated sunrise's purple hue. It's comforting, she'd like to think.With the quiet, clarity of her situation slowly dawns on her. She really was alive, back here with all of them. That isn't supposed to be possible.At the end of the day, though, didn't matter much how she felt about it. It was real. As real as the blood that poured down her chin last night.She had to do something.Her eyes shift to the digital clock affixed to the wall. 236 days left for the delivery- in other words- one day til' Curly dooms them all to die in deep space, and worst yet, she still doesn't know why.Last time around, it was today when she told Curly she was pregnant, but yesterday night she pulled the trigger early without thinking, who knows what he'll do now. That does prove something important though- she can change things.It doesn't have to go the same way, she can save everyone. Something akin to a headache passes over her as she sits up. She needs to focus up and play this smart- her crewmates might not know it, but they're counting on her. Daisuke certainly deserves more then he got dealt. She doesn't have much time, but she can work it out. She has to.The gun. Today is also when she took the case from the cockpit and hid it in the medical bay, after she couldn't get it open.It should be her eventual goal, after everything else- if Jimmy finds out she's... In case he... She needs the gun. So she needs Curly's reader, which last time, he'd refused hand over. She's not optimistic of her chances on that front.But she won't wait for his permission any longer, or anyone else's. The cockpit isn't locked, even if she wasn't usually supposed to go there. She didn't know much about flying a haul-ship, but she thought that the auto-pilot is supposed to make crashes near impossible. She should head there first before anyone wakes up, try to piece things together.As if paralysis was lifted from her, she rose up from her bed. In her rush yesterday, she didn't remove her overall and socks. At least it saves her the trouble now. She stuffs on the boots haphazardly, unable to bring herself to care about professionalism anymore.Carefully, so the door wouldn't creek, she exits into the ship's halls and sneaks along the magenta shaded walls. When she figures she's far enough away from the sleeping quarters, she picks up the pace, taking a turn toward the head of the ship- almost bumping into someone.Daisuke, sneaking the opposite direction from her."Oh!" they both say in choreus. He gives her an awkward smile, hoping to distract from the sizable pile of sweetener-packets in his hands."Uh, this really isn't what it looks like." he lies through his teeth. Anya puts a hand against her mouth, as unexpected laughter pours out, tension draining away from her shoulders, replaced with shaking. Her whole body moves with her uncontrollable giggles. Daisuke starts laughing with her, relieved that this is the tone the interaction is taking.The air already feels lighter, as they both laugh for way too long. She's not felt this light ever since the crash, like a breath of fresh air. Purely figurative, that is- she's pretty sure she's choking."H-How long-" she pauses to take in a sharp breath between wheezes, "H-have you been doing this." she barely gets the words out.In a moment of uncharacteristic wisdom, Daisuke elects not to answer that particular question. "You're not gonna tell Swansea, are ya?" His voice is like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.Hand on her knee, she waves with the other dismissively, still huffing and catching her breath. "It'll be our secret." She promises, watching as his eye's fill with devilish whimsy."Where are you headed so early, anyways?" he asks casually, joining at her side as Anya continues walking. She considers for a moment how much to tell him, how much would he even believe? She doesn't know if she would, in his shoes. But she honestly doesn't have any believable reasons to go to her destination, so..."Had a bad dream." It isn't a lie, but it feels like one either way. "Got a bad feeling about something happening in the cockpit, wanted to see, y'know. That it's fine, I guess.""What happened in your dream?" Daisuke asks genuinely."We, uh..." She swallows her spit. "We crash."She doesn't expect the smile on the kid to get wider "Aw, sick! What if we crash-land at some alien planet, and have to like, survive in a foreign ecosystem."Despite herself, she can't help but chuckle at his antics, "It, uh, just got really foamy and stuff, and, uh, sad" she wrinkles her nose at the memories, "I wish real life was that cool, though.""Well, but it wasn't real life, though." He says without thinking, as if he's winning the back-and-forth. She stays silent.Opening the doors to the cockpit, the two are washed by green blinking lights from the different displays, coordinates, distant obstacles, and the status of the ship's systems, everything is displayed here, exhaustively.Anya hears Daisuke gasp behind her, "God, this rules so much.""Never been in here before?" She asks, genuinely surprised, as they step to the center of the room."...Nah, Swansea says I'll mess something up. He usually keeps me busy during the day." Daisuke ponders, while moving around the room curiously. Arms tucked in pits, careful not to touch anything. "You probably visit all the time, though""Uh... Sure do!" She laughs unconvincingly as she inspects the room. The dashboard seems very complex, full of dials and buttons. One does stand-out amount them, labelled "Disengage Autopilot"... Bingo.It's a large button, protected in a reinforced glass case. There's a slot for a complex key next to it on the dashboard. Impulsively, she tries to wiggle the glass open, and sees that it's indeed locked in place."Woah hey!" Daisuke calls out, as she moves on to search the utility closet, "Uh, Anya? Are you sure it's fine to touch all that stuff?""No." She admits awkwardly. But she had to know if the toggle was locked, cause that means..."Aha!" She calls out in satisfaction. Right next to the trademarked "Pony express protection kit (Gun-box)" and the sticker with the invisible code, laid the emergency key. If Curly really did disable the autopilot to crash them, he needed this to do it. That glass case was factory-grade, anything short of an axe wouldn't-"What in god's name are you two doing?"She recognized Swansea's voice immediately, and evidently Daisuke did too, judging from the yelp. Seems their uproarious alliance was counterproductive to stealth after all."Swansea," Daisuke wastes no time jumping to apologetics "I'm so sorry, we were just-""I don't wanna hear it, you brat. How many times do I have to tell you something to get it in that thick skull of yours." The large man's silhouetted form steps into the dark room, axe in hand and a scowl on his face. "This place is strictly off limits, unless you wanna end up as an asteroid's paintjob."She tries to give her words the air of confidence, "Swansea, with all due respect-""Can-it, Anya." He snaps back to her, gesturing with his axe. She withers back. "You especially should know better then to lead the kid here. And is that..." He looks at the key and gun-box in her hands. "You better start explaining real fuckin' fast."Daisuke perks up, noticing all she's holding. He's keeps quiet, but he's undeniably curious too, if less upset with her then his mentor."I-I... I need to get this key away from here." She explains shakily, her words tripping over each other. She swallows down spit and continues "In, uh, my dream-""In your what now?!" He cuts her off, looking at her like she's lost it. "Please say you're joking."Yeah, no. She can't bullshit Swansea like the kid. And every minute of this confrontation raises the chances for their pilots to take notice. She has to say... something. Uh, Fuck it."Fine. The truth." She ignores Daisuke's confused look, even if her heart does pang with guilt. "Curly is going to crash the ship."A beat of silence passes, where nothing can be heard by the buzzing and beeping of screens."And why the hell would our dear ol' captain do that?" Swansea projects bravado, but she can tell she caught him off guard. "He's got that big stinkin' premotion waiting for him back at home, aint' he?""I don't know why." She admits, knowing fully that she's not making any sense. "But when he does- that key can't be here, Swansea."His expression is strange, far different then that condescending stare he usually looks at her with. He shifts around, still mauling over how he feels about the strange conviction in her voice.Anya's eyes dart down to his weapon. "And neither can that axe, for that matter, so I hope your holding onto that."He raises his eyebrow. "Oh, trust me, I've grown quite fond of it. Ain't planning on redeeming that return policy any time soon." He looks down to the box and peeled sticker in her hand. "And I see you took inspiration.""Wait wait, wait!" Daisuke barges in. "Anya, I don't understand. Captain Curly would never do that." He steps closer to her, eyes wide. "I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. He'd go to the edge of the universe to make sure we're all safe.""I'm not so sure, Daisuke." She feels a pit in her stomach. The sentimental teen looks at her like she's family turning against family. She steels her nerves and stares back. She didn't start this.He averts his gaze and regards the box. "A-and who's that for? You're not gonna-""No." she says simply. "It's not for him."Something twinkles in Swansea's eyes, as he looks at her with sudden sneaking understanding, or a hunch. He opens his mouth to say something, then his eyes flash over to the kid for less then a second, and his face goes back to the same scowling mask."I'm not remotely done talking about this." He says harshly, before his features soften somewhat. "But soon enough, Humpty and Dumbty will wake up n' waddle over here. Better not be here when they find those missin'."She looks at him meaningfully, "Y-you believe me?""I don't believe jack-shit. But you're lucky I trust those dumbos even less." He turns to Daisuke "Come'on boy, let's leave miss Anya to it for now, I need you to take a look at those supplies."He practically drags the kid out of the control room, Daisuke looking at both of them like they've lost it. Everything goes quiet again, as she's left alone with the buzzing of electronics. A strange claustrophobia scratches at her mind, but she steadies her breathing. It wasn't the time for sentimentality.She wills herself to move again, exiting the room with her prizes, and heads to the medical bay. She didn't expect Swansea to be the understanding one. She thought he hated her, frankly. Maybe she's misjudged him. Her mind goes back to the conversation they shared all that time ago after the ship...Her grip tightens against the encoded sticker. It won't get that far again. The Tulpar isn't crashing again.She's making sure of it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Curly was pretty sure he had bags under his eyes, given how Jimmy looked at him that morning. Figures, he couldn't sleep all night.He finally gave up trying when the co-pilot rolled out of bed. Curly hesitated, then sat up slowly as if he was just waking up too, he didn't need to start a conversation about it."You look like shit."...Too late. It's unclear if Jimmy was unable to pick up on his demenor, or just ignored it. A dozen playful riffs spring to mind, but Curly can't bring his mouth to cooperate. Jimmy notices the moment of silence, then scoffs and turns away.Was Curly still his friend? He doesn't know how to see him the same, what kind of excuses he'll have to pretend were true, what kind of man will he have to pretend Jimmy really is? But then again, he can't give up on his crew, can he?When Jimmy leaves the room finally, seemingly butthurt- the captain's mind returns to where it's been all night. Anya, and their conversation. She said he's going to crash them into an asteroid, intentionally. She said it like it was fact, set in stone. He hoped that was just hyperbole.The whole interaction yesterday was so unlike her, though he supposes her behaviour is to be expected given what she's been through. Even without any 'crashing', this was a crises. He'd have to talk with her again, and shift some schedules around to avoid interaction between her and Jimmy.But there came another matter, first. The emergency medicine cabinet. He needed to check if they had anything in case of... an unwanted pregnancy. He feels sick, but he refuses to let himself dwell on it. It wasn't his grief to feel. He just needed to fix it.He gets up from the bed.What he doesn't expect to find in the late morning, as he walks down the hallway, is Daisuke scribbling on a hand-held board in front of the very same cabinet he's searching for."Can I have a look at that?" Daisuke jumps at his sudden appearance. Curly points to the list in the kid's hands."Uh- Oh!" Daisuke's voice is a bit strained. "Eh, sure! All yours, cap." He hands it over and steps away.Curly starts flipping through the report, not knowing exactly what he was looking for. He was far from a healthcare expert, but he also admits wearily that he never thought he'd have to be. Not like this. It takes him a bit to notice Daisuke is staring at him with wide eyes."Everything good?" He asks, trying to give an air of confidence, despite the rasp in his throat. Daisuke's eyes get even wider."...Course" The kid says unconvincingly, before quietly averting his eyes. A few seconds pass, and Curly quietly returns to the listings, before his voice rings out again. "It's just-"Curly looks back at him, slightly impatiently. "Yes, Daisuke?""Anya seems a bit, uh, different. Today." He swallows. "She keeps saying weird stuff, and uh, I'm kind of worried about her."A slight panic rises in Curly. "What kind of stuff?" he steps closer to him, still trying to appear calm.He might have asked that too eagerly, because the kid's eyes go wide again. "Nothing important!" He starts stepping away. "Actually, I just remembered, I have to check on- uh other super important stuff.""But-" Curly gestures with Daisuke's board, still left in his hands- but the intern is already rounding a corner."Sorryseeyoubye!" the distant voice exclaims.Disconcerting, if Anya really told him... The twist of panic returns to Curly's chest, as if control of the situation was rapidly slipping from him. He takes a deep breath, grounding himself once again. Focus.Trying to calm his frayed nerves, he returns to task. There's not much in this closet they don't already have in the medical bay, mostly extra supplies. Still, there's bound to be something, right? He flips another page on the board, and his eyes are drawn to a little doodle on the margines of the page.It's a small cartoonish gun with question-marks around it. Curly's breathing stops.He needs to get to the cockpit, immediately.----When Curly comes to visit her in the medical bay, inevitably, she's already hidden the case like she did last time. As Anya heard him approach, she felt a sense of recognition. Didn't they have a talk like this already...?"What's going on, Anya?" He skips the preamble, seemingly out of breath. "Where's the gun?"She doesn't answer, pretending to get on with her work. She can't suppress a tiny sad smirk. Must be annoying when someone won't help you, huh Cap?"Daisuke keeps looking at me weirdly, but he won't tell me anything either." Curly says, still regarding her with compassion. She's so tired of his useless sympathy. "Did you tell him about...""I didn't." She says flatly. "But not for Jimmy's sake." Something in her gut churns at the almost unnoticeable sigh of relief that gets from Curly in response."Anya, you've got to talk to me, Non of this needs to be on the record." He steps closer. "We're a team. You can't go off on your own and mess with weaponry, I can't risk the safety of the crew.""Jimmy's safety, you mean." Her voice trembles. "What about mine?""So it is for him." He mutters, his eyes move to stare at hers, then close in frustration. "They aren't mutually exclusive, Anya. We can do both." He touches her shoulder. "We can fix it, we can figure something out, why can't you just trust me?""Because you've failed!" She finally snaps at him, batting his arm away. Her voice already contracted by tears. "Over and over, all you do is fail me, Curly."All the grievances she didn't dare to express last time around, when she still trusted him, and then- when he was worse off then her. She finally feels like she can say them. He steps away from her, shocked by her outburst.His expression isn't angry. She wishes it was, it would make hating him easier."And if you had a gun, if you could- could kill him." His voice trembles for a moment, before he continues. "Do you think that'd fix anything, Anya?" He raises his voice slightly, more begging then lecturing. "Do you really want to be tried for- what? Murder?! After everything?""Better that then dead." She almost spits with every word. Tears stinging at the sides of her eyes.He winces, regret picking at him. "What happened to you was my fault. You're all my responsibility. Nothing like that will ever happen again. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore.""Do you know what it feels like?" She asks, her voice lowered. "To die?"It takes a moment for his mind to catch up with her non-sequitur. "What do you mean?" He quiets down, confused."It doesn't hurt, you know. It's everything before dying that's painful." She shakes her head. He probably won't understand what she means, but she needs to say it all the same. "I can't go through it all again, Curly, I just can't.""Anya..." His voice softens. "As our nurse you never got psych evals, I should have thought of that. You should've come to me."A sense of Deja Vu comes over her, shaking her out of her outburst. This really is entering familiar territory. Shamefully, she gets an Idea. It's manipulative, but she needs to play along for a bit more for it to work."What would you have done?" She recites the question, and tries to sound genuine."Anything!" A pause, then, softer. "Anything." He promises, like a liar. "You, the crew, are all my responsibility. I told you so over and over, yeah?"She closes her eyes, trying to remember what line comes next, "I'm not going to hurt myself." She takes a genuine shaky breath, at least being an easy crier has it's perks. "Or Jimmy, you were right.""No one has to hurt anymore, I've known him for a long time, I'll talk to him." He gets closer, trying to look into her lowered eyes. "Are you going to be okay on your own? Just for now?"He's so close, it's now or never. She leans towards her captain and throws her arms around him, in a tight hug. His hands lift to the sides in surprise, and a beat passes before he wraps his arms around her back gently. He's so careful with her, like he thinks she's going break. Despite everything... it's nice.As he finally pulls back, he looks at her with misty eyes, and a bittersweet smile, "I'll go and give him a piece of my mind, yeah? Make sure he never thinks about pulling that shit with you again." Their eyes lock and she gives him the slightest nod.He smiles to her one last time, just like he did before. And then it's already over, and he's turning and leaving the medical bay. She breathes out, slowly- waiting to make sure he was gone before bringing her hidden arm from behind her back with Curly's code scanner.The time for words was over.----He spots Jimmy just outside the hallway to the cockpit. Curly thought everything over and over in his walk here, but still couldn't wrap his mind around the tone this conversation will need to take. How to approach this. How would a good captain do this? He sure as shit wasn't one anymore.He can't bare to be diplomatic. Not after seeing the state Anya is in."Listen, we need to talk" He says after clearing his throat, and fixing his posture. Jimmy barely regards him, avoiding eye contact."Oh, so now you grace me with conversation, how kind.""This is about Anya." Curly says unwavering, arms crossed a bit too tightly. He grips his sleeve, holding his frustration at bay. "This is about what you did.""What I did?" He smiles, some gloating in his voice "What, is a little fling here and there illegal now?"Curly feels anger bubbling in him at his former friends flippancy. "Don't play this with me, Jimmy. She told me everything." He takes a step closer, forcing Jimmy to finally look at him.A prolonged moment of silence hangs in the air, Jimmy keeps his composure, even with Curly fuming in his face."...So, let's hear it." The co-pilot finally says. "What's that useless nurse saying now?""You know what." Curly hisses back. "I mean, seriously. What were you thinking? Doing something like this, should I remind you- after I took a chance on you in the name of our past. This is my ship. Anya is part of the crew. I mean- just." Curly takes a breath before Shakely adding "How dare you?"Jimmy's expression sours, like this whole conversation is an inconvenience. "oh, you sanctimonious bastard. What, am I not pristine enough for your squeaky clean ship? For your sparkling bourgeoisie life? Then fire me, fuckhead. Oh wait-" He chuckles. "Too late!""Jimmy..." Curly starts, voice trembling with anger."And what's the harm anyways?!" Jimmy cuts him off, still chuckling. "I just had a little bit of fun, not that you'd get it.""She's pregnant." Curly hisses, almost vindictive. That makes the man shut up real quick. Silence stretching over the hall, even the engines seem to quiet down, muffled by the blood pulsing in Curly's ears.Jimmy looks away, lips tight- but expression blank. "Is she, now?""She is." Curly deadpans, grabbing him by his shoulder tightly, "It's time you take responsibility for what you did."Jimmy shakes his hand away instinctively, but after a moment he sighs deeply, standing up straight. Their eyes lock, something sunken and alien in the co-pilot's stare. "You're right..."Slowly, he turns away from him, walking resolutely away from Curly,"I'll take care of it."----Anya figures Daisuke's still in the lounge, but she can't exactly go around it. She tries to go quickly and hope he won't notice the gun.She's not so lucky."Anya?" She hears from the couches. She doesn't think she's ever heard him this serious. "Who's it for?"She continues walking towards the other end of the lounge. Maybe if she would've booked it she would've made it before him. As it is, he easily manages to place himself between her and the door. She stares at him, gun at her side, silently begging for him to look the other way. Stupidly brave intern that he is, he stays, unflinching.After a moment though, something akin to a smile finds it's way to his expression. "Not for me, then?" He laughs coldly."No." She admits quietly "I'd never shoot you, Daisuke.""I didn't think you'd shoot any of us, if, uh, I'm honest." He scratches the back of his head. "Is this all really about your dream?""It wasn't-" She huffs, "Please, move, Daisuke. I told you. We're going to crash if I don't get to the cockpit. You don't understand how important this is.""Then... uh, tell me? Maybe?" He tries to sound more casual, but she can see he's scared. "Like, come on, dude. You've gotta see how this looks. You've not been acting like yourself today."Her lip tightens. Not like herself? Was she not supposed to be proactive? Was she just supposed to sit and wait for help, that she now knew for certain would never come? She knows Daisuke doesn't mean that, though. She's probably just not hiding her distress very well, like she did last time.A few moments of quiet stalemate later, she sighs and closes her eyes. She can't (won't) tell him about Jimmy. But she can't just go through him either."Okay." She relents."Okay, what? You'll tell me?""I'll tell you, but, uh, it's going to sound nuts." She avoids his eyes, not knowing how to even approach this. If anyone will believe this part, it'll be the kid."More nuts then...?" He gestures generally towards her."A lot more." She tries to smile, but nervousness comes over her. Would he really... Hesitantly, she starts. "The, uh, reason I've been different today. Is... because I've already-"In a single moment, emergency lights suddenly fill the ship with red, while a loud buzzing sounds across the ship, overpowering her words. An automatic announcer voice proclaims from all around them."EXTREME WARNING!DIRECT COLLISON COURSE WITH ORBITAL BODY 3.7 AU AWAY.ENGAGING AUTOPILOT TO RECORRECT VESSEL.ADVISE CREW TO TAKE UP EMERGENCY POSITIONS.4,000 CREDITS DOCKED FROM CREW PAY PACKAGE FOR FAILURE OF NAVIGATIONAL STAFF."Now?? No no no. This was a day early, it shouldn't have been...She reaches for the Emergency key in her pocket. Still there, good."Holy shit" Daisuke's eyes go wide, like the reality of the situation dawns on him for the first time, "It's really happening...""Fuck," She winces, tightens her grip on her gun, and pushes the emergency key into Daisuke's hand. "Keep that away from the cockpit, or we all die.""Woah! What are you-?" He yelps in surprise, but she doesn't stay to hear the rest of it, pushing past him."Don't follow me!" She shouts behind her as she goes to a sprint down the hallway.Even over the deafening alert, the sounds of banging on metal can be heard long before she gets there. She rounds the corner to see Curly... outside the locked cockpit door, banging on it to no avail."What did you do?!" He shouts desperately, over the sounds of the alerts. "Open the goddamn door, Jimmy.""Captain?!" Anya shouts, confused. This is all wrong. Is this her doing? Why was Jimmy-"It's locked." Curly responds, still facing the door. He barely regards her as he mumbles an explanation. "I-I told him about your... I don't understand, I know he... but he wouldn't-""Well-!" Anya shrugs with performative exaggeration "He is!" She's still in disbelief. This can only mean...Holy shit.How could she let herself be so gullible. Curly didn't do it.In retrospect it seems so obvious! He never had a reason to. There was only one person shitty enough to actually try to drag them all down with him. And she trusted his word, thoughtlessly. How did she afford that vile man that trust, after everything?"Curly, m-maybe go get Swansea? He has the axe. Maybe it can help us with the door somehow?" She offers with uncertainty.He hits the door again with a ringing thud. Nothing. He turns back to her, and looks like he's about to say something else, until he notices the gun in her hands. His eyes widen when he turns to reach for his missing scanner on his belt. "Anya..."She points her gun down the hallway. Her voice cracks. "Curly. Listen to me for once. Now's not the time. Get the out of the way, and call Swansea."He approaches her, wearily, eyes locked on the weapon. "Would you at least come with me? I don't want you two to hurt each other.""Curly, go." She says simply, ever if her hands are shaking. A moment passes where the only sounds are the alarm blaring loudly around them, until finally-"Fuck." He mutters. Moving past her slowly. "Don't move, Anya. I'll be right back."His footsteps echo off the metal, slowly fading as he hurries away. She takes a shaky breath, and- not even pretending to follow orders, approaches the cast iron door. She can hear the sounds of shuffling inside, like a place getting ransacked. "Where the fuck is it?!" The Muffled gruff voice shouts to no-one in particular.She gets an idea. "Looking for that key?" Anya asks in as confident of a tone as she can manage.His messy search comes to a sudden stop on the other side. "You useless bitch." Jimmy finally says. "A better pickpocket then a nurse, huh? Figures."Heavy steps approach the metal barrier that stands between her and the Monster. And then, all too soon, the door begins to unlock from the inside.Suppressing the spike of anxiety with every metallic sound, she continues. "You wish I'd gotten into med, Jimmy.""Oh?" He chuckles, another lock snaps open. "do I?""Y-Yeah, you know..." She aims the gun square to where his head will inevitably pops out. "Never did take that oath."All at once the door flies open with a sharp crack, the alarm blares as the figure rushes out towards her, her trigger finger twitches just as a gruff shout echoes from behind her, "Anya!"She flinches, and the shot goes wide into the wall, emergency foam bursting forth to cover the small incision. Jimmy's closes in on her before she can open her eyes back up again. A metal pipe hits her hands, launching the firearm away. Then another blow to her abdomen sends her folding to the ground.She sees him towering above her, again. Red blinking lights framing him, while foam drips from the wall slowly. He smiles down at her chuckling. "Seriously? Was that all? Is there anything at all you're good at?" He scoffs and mumbles after a moment, "The best and brightest for Pony Express."She goes to answer, only to cough violently, blood splattering out, trails of it return to her chin, an awful familiarity fills her. He crouches, reaching out to her, and her whole body tenses up. She knows he noticed when the same smile appears again.She can't move. She can't breath. Flashes of that night return, paralysing her in place, as the man's smile widens.Then, a steel-sole boot hits the side of his head at running speed.She can hear Jimmy bouncing off the metal flooring with heavy thuds, and before she knows it, Swansea pulls her up to her feet. "I see we're all being stupid today."She coughs violently, struggling to get the air in her lungs again. She looks at him, seeing spatters of her blood on Swansea's worried face. The grip on her hand gets tighter, and she smiles at him through pain, with relief. "At least you know you're on the Tulper." She does something halfway between a cough and a laugh."No quips, dumbass. Explain." He gestures with his head to Jimmy getting back up.His eyes hidden behind the alarm's severe lighting. Jimmy picks the pipe back up, limping towards Swansea, fingers twitching in his other hand."He, uh, needs that emergency key I took for his mass-murder-suicide." Anya says, her head clearing somewhat. It sounds a little ridiculous, said out loud."Fuckin' course." Swansea twirls his red axe. "Classic Jimbo."Jimmy stops for a moment, his eyes flashing behind his hair, boring into her. "How did...?" but before he knows it, Swansea rushes him-He brings the axe down with his full bodyweight. Jimmy manages to block it with the pipe inches away from his chest, and returns a sharp knee to engineer's gut, pushing him back. Swansea recovers quickly, but not fast enough to return to the offensive, now stuck blocking blow after crazed blow from Jimmy's swinging pipe.Anya's eyes scan the ground with a panic, going wide when they finally finds purchase on the gun. There! She takes a running start before sliding next to Jimmy's and Swansea's struggle, hand outstretched- but she's not fast enough. Jimmy spots her and kicks the gun down the hallway, away from the entrance to the cockpit.She stumbles against the wall. And can only watch in horror as Swansea attempts to jump between her and Jimmy, taking the blunt pipe strike directly to his face. She screams as blood splatters, and the senior engineer lands heavily beside her, face down.Alarms blare as Jimmy turns to her, "What are you screaming for?" He scoffs, picking Swansea's axe from the ground, "It's not like that face could get any uglier."He takes a step towards her and she pushes against the wall with her back. "Y-You're sick!" She yells at him, trying to hold to her anger and not to her fear. "I can't believe Curly never saw it. Whoever allows you near, You just take and take from them until they're empty.""This shit company took everything first." He screams back, punching the wall besides her head with bloody knuckles. "And if you bitch get back, you'll take whatever future I had left.""Your future?" Tears well up in her eyes, "What do you think happens to me?! You Selfish manchild, You did this!"He shakes his head "You don't need to worry about that." Slowly, he raises the axe overhead, gleaming in the red light of the alarm. "I'm fixing it.""Fuck you." She hisses, narrow eyes locked on his sunken pair."You want to take something back?" A man's voice comes from the far side of the hallway. The air freezes, and everything stops. A waft of blond hair, and the sight of a barrel pointed square at them."Take some fucking responsibility."A gunshot flashes. Splattering blood on the door of the cockpit. Jimmy crashes to the ground like a ragdoll, hole blown clean through from his eye to the back of his head. A moment passes where all she can do is stare at his lifeless body, while the ringing it her ears subsides.The normal lights flutter back around them, along with the automatic announcement."AUTOPILOT SUCCESSFULLY CORRECTED VESSEL NAVIGATION.CREW MAY LEAVE EMERGENCY POSITIONS.AN AUTOMATIC LOG HAS BEEN SENT TO YOUR SUPERIORS FOR LIABILITY ASSESMENTTHANK YOU FOR CHOOSING PONY EXPRESS"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She looks over the bloody hallway. Without the red lights, the violence of it was so much more tangible. Swansea was (thank god) groaning from his spot on the floor, slowly getting up, with, perhaps, the most broken nose in history. She looked to her side to see Curly, smoking gun in hand, rushing towards them."Anya, are you alright?!" He crouches next to her, examining to make sure the axe truly did not reach it's target. His expression frantic with worry and eyes pained.Her gut still hurts like hell from Jimmy's attack, and does not seem to be subsiding significantly. A guilty thought comes, her pregnancy... that swing could've done with it.Wouldn't that be ironic."I-I'll be fine Curly." She assures him, refocusing on her surroundings. Eyes keep drifting to the lifeless body. "Jimmy... You actually-""From what I've seen, I should've from the beginning" He shakes his head. Even with a brave face, his voice shakes slightly. "But that's my cross to bare. I think I've let you pick up my slack for far too long.""He was a monster," She her voice breaks, accusation sneaking into her tone, "You've known him for so long, Curly..." An unsaid question remains on her lips.'How didn't you see it?' She knows the answer already, though. He didn't want to. Too used to looking at the big picture to notice one stray pixel."Well..." He looks down to the smoking gun in his hand. "I've, uh, reassessed my hiring practices." He wrinkles his nose, "Never was a big fan of nepotism."Groaning comes from besides her, "The prick had it coming." Swansea rises to look at them, bloody nose and chin, and just maybe- something akin to a smirk. "And I'd really like to keep my distance from where you sent him for a little while, so-""O-oh! Swansea!" She yelps. "Uh, follow me to the Medical Bay." She starts stepping away, looking over her shoulder "Eh- can you walk on your own?""A little concussion never killed anyone." He says flippently.She starts stepping in his direction, but he waves her off, and immediately proceeds to stumble forward heavily. Luckily Curly notices and catches him in time. "I got you, old-timer"He hoists him with his shoulders under the large man's arm, making him scowl at the comment. "That's it, I'm crashing the ship, too."Anya can't help but laugh. He makes no such moves to escape his captains support, as they all waddle out slowly. Leaving the mangled body of Jimmy far behind them.She finds herself held back as they round the corner. Staring at her abuser's hollow socket. This vindictive feeling, the satisfaction. It feels perverse. It's not who she thought she was. It's not who she wants to be.But at least... she can choose that for herself, now. No one's driving her into a corner.If nothing else, she allows one feeling to take hold in her- Safety.Is it really over? Did she actually change it? The Tulpar is still fully functional and Curly has a life in front of him. They all do, now. She takes a few steps back, before turning heel, walking quickly to catch us to her crew.----"Where's Jimmy?" Daisuke asks when they finish climbing the stairs to the lounge. His white knuckled grip iron clad around the small key. "I-I heard gunshots."There's a moment of silence, where he looks at her, almost begging to be wrong. "You didn't, Anya...""She didn't." Curly answers before she can. "I did."Daisuke goes to say something, but Curly's voice overpowers him "He tried crashing the ship, kid. Made an attempt on all our lives- I had no choice."The intern's eyes widen, voice low "He did? And, uh, you stopped him?" He seemes confused, turning to look at Anya, but she averts her gaze. She doesn't know what to say, luckily, Curly steps in for her."Don't go looking down there, Y'hear? 's not a pretty sight." He attempts to shift the tone of the conversation, even if Daisuke's too focused on the nurse to pay any attention."But Anya" He whispers loudly. "You said...""I- I was wrong, Daisuke." Anya rushes to answer, to stop him talking. She doesn't need this right now. The captain's eyebrows furrow."Can the hallway check-in wait for after first aid?" Swansea groans, a few drops of red drip to the flooring.The kid perks up as if he noticed Swansea's injury for the first time. It finally seems to shake him out of his hesitation, and the intern rushes towards him, only to be waved off like a bug "S-Sir, are you okay?""I'm alive, and last I checked you had even less training in med then our dear ol' doc. Leave it to her, yeah?"Daisuke didn't look too happy about it, and despite his mentor's resistance, soon enough he managed to support Swansea, on his other side from Curly. With everyone's cooperation, (and Anya opening any pesky doors in their way). They made their way to the Medical bay.They all sat around the bed as Anya patched Swansea up, in cold silence.There's some small attempts of small talk, trying to distract each-other from the body on the other side of the ship. Anya was too busy trying to still her shaking hands as she stitched Swansea's wounds. She tried to ignore the look full of pity he gave her through the ordeal. That all of them did, for that matter.It was over, wasn't it? Why was there still this tension? Why did she still not feel safe. Each of them had her back, didn't they? They proved as much. Still, she felt suffocated in this silence. Too many things left unsaid, it was all starting to get to her. She stopped working for a moment to wipe her eyes."Everything alright, Anya?" Curly asks, voice gentle."I-I'm fine." She responds hurriedly, eyes misty "Everything is okay now, isn't it, captain? Thanks to you.""I... Don't deserve thanks." Curly shrugs, dejected. "I'm not sure if I even deserve to be captain anymore. I've failed you all, you particularly, Anya, more then anyone. I Ignored your warnings, again and again."He pauses, then sighs deeply. "You were right, about him. About everything."Curly's silence, heavy and helpless, is something she knows all too well. It's something the Medical Bay Knew too. A part of her wants to speak up. To assure him how much she's glad he's here, with them. But before she has the chance to-"Well, not everything." Daisuke speaks up. Anya blood freezes, she can't even turn to look at the kid, but she silently wishes he'd stop talking. "I knew you'd never crash the ship, captain Curly, sir.""Huh?" Curly's eyes flutter open, confusion keeping the self pity at bay, for now. "Why would- why is that a thing?""Our little miracle worker here assured us that you would." Swansea speaks up, trying to catch her glare. She doesn't know where to look. She doesn't know what to say. Can't they all just forget those traces of the other timeline, that dream, ever happened? Can't they just move on?"Anya?" Curly prompts, patient. "Yesterday night, you asked me if I was going to crash the Tulper, didn't you?" His tone isn't accusatory, more confused then anything."She started to tell me something, earlier in the lounge." Daisuke seems lost in thoughts. "You said that you were acting weird because 'you've already', uh, something?" He regards her with curiosity. "And that dream you mentioned...""There was no dream." She whispers.Her back still turned to them. Her voice feels dry. The projected image on the screen in the room slowly dissolves to a sunset, and red tones spread once again. They all stay quiet, waiting on her to continue. Anxiety spikes within her again. She breathes deeply, reminding herself of the confidence she had just an hour prior. She could do this."I promise I'm not crazy." She says suddenly, with a forced laugh, still turned around to the rest."No one is calling you that, Anya." Curly assures. "We just want to know what's been going on with you."There's a hint of doubt in his voice, like he's not completely sure this isn't to do with... the other worst moment of her life. The one that still happened. The one that she didn't get to take back. At least, in a way, not quite yet. She sighs."You're right." She turns to them, biting her lower lip. "You all deserve to know.""Why all the dramatic buildup?" Swansea groans from the table. "Tell us. Or don't!""Maybe start small?" Daisuke shrugs. "Sometimes, that makes it less overwhelming." Something about his genuine tone takes some tension away from it all. She nods."Uh," She blinks a few times, trying to reorginize her brain, "Okay? I guess I can..." She thinks for a moment, swinging her arms around, until finally saying. "Um... we're hauling mouthwash."It take only a moment for Daisuke to break the silence, "...What?!""You said to start small!" She protests, the corner of her mouth faintly turning up, with a smile."We're-" Curly lifts his palms, staring at her with disbelief, "Did you sneak in the cargo haul?""And mouthwash? Just. Mouthwash?! Seriously?!" Daisuke seems personally offended, even if he is smiling beneath it."Seriously." She laughs weakly. "And, uh, I didn't." She lifts her pointer finger, to accentuate her point. "We all agreed to open it.""I didn't agree to shit." Swansea says flatly."We never- you know we're not supposed to." Daisuke still seems confused."We all agreed to it" She reiterates, her voice growing weaker and less confident, "After we... uh, crashed."Everyone quiet down again. "But the autopilot reset the navigation." Curly says, his eyes attempting to catch Anya's, searching for her thoughts.She takes a shaky breath in. "It didn't... the last time around.""L-Last time?" Daisuke repeats.Swansea shifts his head in confusion "What does that mean?"She brushes her own hand, trying to stay focused while the memories returned vividly. "Curly got burned. It was pretty bad. You couldn't even talk. Just screamed and screamed until I gave you painkillers."Everyone stared at her in silence. Anya swallows a lump in her throat. "I-I couldn't do it, after a while. I asked Jimmy to, a-and he. Was pretty rough with you, Curly. I think he was making a point, against me."Curly looked at her with kind eyes, but it was clear he wasn't fully understanding the reality of it all. Still, there was no stopping now. "Or maybe h-he was just mad at you. I-" She stops for a moment. This one hurts to admit. "I was pretty mad at you, too. Maybe that's why I never said anything... or why I was ready to believe him when he said you crashed us."She feels them staring, opening a pit in her chest. She rushes to continue, before the feeling catches up to her. "The Tulper in those months... It was... rough. Everything felt pointless. I was trapped with... him. As captain. I was s-so scared." Tears stinging at the edges of her vision."Anya-" Curly stands up, but she can't even look at him."When I noticed we were running out of painkillers, I knew it was my... my last chance out." She tries to calm her breathing, before finally admitting, "And I took it." The crew around her vocalize, disbelieving."What do you-?", "You wouldn't-", "Anya-!" Just a jumble of voices over each other, drowning each other like static. But they weren't there. Well, not this version of them. Isn't it better that way?"But- t-that's just it!" She smiles through her tears. "I didn't die! It took me here, to five months ago, yesterday. Somehow, I got a second chance, a-and I needed to make it count! I couldn't let you all-"And then Curly hugs her, and it's nothing like the hug from a few hours ago. It's impulsive and tight, like he was stopping her from slipping away again. And then another set of arms wraps from behind her, and she can feel Daisuke's hair on her cheek. A big hand softly lands on her shoulder, too, reassuring."I can't even Imagine what that must have been like." Daisuke mumbles, a bit muffled by her overalls. It's horrendously endearing. Something shines in Curly's eyes, a memory from an earlier conversation."Like hell."She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Waterworks are in full effect, as she pushes her head against someone's shoulder. How much did they understand? How much did she manage to explain? ...but how much does that matter, really?They're not there anymore. Jimmy's not here anymore. And they actually care, they listened. They actually listened to her this time. They saved her this time.She awkwardly acknowledges that tears are dripping from her chin. Someone's sleeve moves through the huddle to gently wipe her face. They stay like this for a bit. The red lights of the simulated sunset giving a melancholy air to it all.Finally, tragically. They let her go, sniffling- and with her hair now ruffled. "Thanks, you guys." Her throat feels like sandpaper."Don't ever mention it." Swansea whispers, more like a command then a conciliation."So you're like, a time traveller?!" Daisuke suddenly says, a bit too loudly."Daisuke!" Curly flicks his shoulder disapprovingly."What?! You heard her, didn't you?! That's time travel shit!""I mean," Anya answers quietly, "Is that cool?""Are you kidding?" Words cannot describe the width of the smile Daisuke gave her in turn, "The coolest!""You believe me?" She blinks away her misty eyes, looking around her in shock. "All of you?""It would explain some things..." Swansea mumbles. then shrugs. At first glance he seems disinterested in the whole concept. Like he'd accept any explanation she'd come up with. But every so often he looks at her when he thinks she's distracted, and his eyes soften."I'm done with not taking you at your word." Curly states, his voice clear-cut. He seems to be saying that both to her and to himself. "If you're saying these things happened, I trust you."Daisuke seems over the Moon, "This is the best moment of my life." he pulls at his own hair, practically jumping from one foot to another "I have like, a bajillion questions.""Give her some time, Doofus." Swansea laughs."N-no, I'm fine. Really." She chuckles at their warm response. The level of their consideration still feels too good to be true. "What do you want to know?"Like the dam opened, an assortment of random, esoteric questions flow out of Daisuke's mouth, not even waiting for an answer for the previous. As they talk, they all exit the medical bay. The conversation flows freely and genuinely, everyone looking at her like she's the only person in the world. Whenever she talks, she feels their smiles, and their listening ears. They stay with her. They treat her like she matters.At some point, Daisuke gets an idea, and scurries off for a minute, Curly brings up some drugs they should double check on, to sort out her other pressing matter. Swansea, weirdly, brings up that his blood-pressure prescriptions he stocked up on share some choice chemicals with what they're looking for. If he knows the actual topic of discussion, he doesn't let it show.When the kid finally comes back, only to reveal his stash of sweeter-packets (to share), he gets a stern talking to from the other boys, and Curly expends significant effort not to burst out laughing in the middle of his disciplinary speech.As Anya looks at them all from the side, she feels the warmth in her chest, and the ease of her shoulders.She thinks to herself, maybe two hundred more days of this wouldn't be half bad.