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White Forest had a new visitor. The entire base was talking about it.  Just last night, a recon team dared to venture near Ravenholm for some supplies, only expecting to come back with food and water. Instead, they came back with all that and a man.  This man had been run ragged. Members of that recon team recalled his hysterical crying for help and the horrified look in his eyes. On the way back, they had retrieved some of his equipment, strung about the surrounding countryside.  A gas mask. A grey camo shirt. Some helmets. A rosary. Dog tags. Vials of substances with unreadable labels.  An HECU vest.  Through the dog tags, it was determined that the man stumbling through their doors, halfway into the grave, was one Corporal Adrian Shephard, an HECU marine. That news wasn’t good to a lot of the team.  “Eli, we haven’t seen HECU for twenty years!! This is borderline insanity!” “Kleiner, Kleiner, please! Even if he has the intent to harm, I doubt the state of his body would let him. The poor boy’s shredded right through!” “Poor boy?!” Two older-sounding scientists argued behind the doors. Yeah. Poor boy sounds about right. He had kept his mask tight on, in case all these people needed was a face to kill him, or something.  You couldn’t blame him for his guard being up. Ravenholm was gone.  Not just abandoned. Gone.  He tapped his feet on the stone floors, listening to the echo they made. Fidgeting with his hands since he didn’t have his rosary. The arguing seemed to have died down outside, if the sigh of the more nervous-sounding scientist was anything to go by. However, that was replaced with the worried discussion of a father and child.  “Dad, what is happening? Gordon’s gone AWOL, Kleiner’s losing his mind, just who is this guy?” “Sweetie…sweetie, I’ve said many a time about the Black Mesa incident, right? The HECU…if the aliens weren’t gonna kill us, it would’ve been them. We’re just…shocked, that it would somehow find us some decades later.” “Does he have his weapons?” “No, the recon te-” “Alright, I’m gonna see him.” “A-Alyx!” Heh. Adrian liked the spirit this girl had. It was hard to tell her age through the door, she could be a young teenager or a thirty-something woman. However, he knew when someone had a good fighting spirit.  “We can’t just keep him in there, dad! Look at him!” Somehow, they could see him, but he couldn’t see them. His eyes glanced around the room, eventually spotting a security cam-like-thing. He looked straight into it and gave it a small wave.  “He seems in good spirits, I’m not sure we-” “HEY!” Adrian finally said something, smirking at the way it startled the two spying on him. What? He couldn’t have a little fun? “Don’t talk about a guy behind his back!” “...Well, what else are we gonna do? Leave him sitting in a room for a potential threat? Dump him outside? For the record, if we do that second one, I’m leaving and taking Gor-” “Alyx!...Fine. He’s awake, so I imagine he’ll talk a bit. But I’m keeping an eye on this.” If the similar voice was any indication, this man was the same ‘Eli’ that was talking to ‘Kleiner’ a hot minute ago. “If anything happens…” “Weren’t you just saying he probably can’t harm us due to his condition?” Alyx had a smile in her tone. “It’ll be fine.” “YEAH!” He shouted out again. “I’LL BE NICE!”  He finished his joke with a harsh round of coughing. Man, now that he was feeling it, his chest really hurt.  “See?” Eli let out a sigh. “Go ahead, Alyx.” Alyx moved towards the doors that Adrian was facing, stepping in and closing them behind her. It seemed to have an automatic lock on it, or maybe that ‘click’ sound was just for show. Now he could look at Alyx. Hm. Both of his guesses were wrong.  Stood across a table from him was a young-looking, dark-skinned woman, probably early twenties? No, wasn’t polite to guess a woman's age, especially when she and who appears to be her family have all locked you in a room. Maybe it was best that he held his tongue “Corporal Shephard?” She asked. Why was she asking him his name? His dog tags had probably been seen by this entire base, those said it clear as day.  “Mhm?” He nodded, shuffling a bit in his chair.  “Has it been long since you heard that? Everyone outside is saying they haven’t seen the likes of you for twenty years.” “Has it actually been that long?” Adrian asked, tilting his head. “Everyone’s been saying it has, but like, I’m honestly finding it hard to believe.” “It has, you can trust my word. Can I ask your age?” How much information was he supposed to give to hostage holders again? Was he supposed to give any? All his military training from years ago now was seriously failing him.  “...I’m twenty-two.” He relented to honesty. Not like his military even existed now.  “Impossible!” Eli’s voice from the other room called out, sounding in genuine disbelief.  “Who’s that?” Shephard asked, leaning over to get a non-existent better look.  “If you’re not dangerous, I'll introduce you. For now…can you explain?” Alyx leaned forward, curious.  “Explain what? My age?” “Well, if you are twenty-two, then, you would’ve been even younger than I was during the Black Mesa incident.” she then folded her arms.  “And infants can’t serve, at least not yet, yeah I getcha. I can verify, though, I’m twenty-two.”  To verify that fact, Adrian took a bold move, and decided to take off his gas mask. Unclipping each strap on the back, he let the thing fall and clatter against the table.  He looked as young as he said. That was a fact no one seeing him could deny.  Before Alyx was Adrian, a man with long-ish brown hair and a 5 o’clock shadow, an undercut in his hairstyle on his left side. He was bloody and beaten, his face looked a state. Cuts and bruises and signs of shock, and yet, he had been joking throughout all of this.  How interesting.  “Wow…” Alyx remarked, expression taken aback.  “I know it doesn’t verify my age, but I certainly don’t look fourty-two, do I?” Adrian leant backwards, wincing a little as his back touched the chair rest.  “...I don’t know if the others will, but I’m certainly taking your word on that.” Alyx resolved to admit, sighing into a smile.  “You should. It’s the only word I have.” “...” Alyx’s silence was palpable. “...You were pulled from the outskirts of Ravenholm, or, what was left of it.” “What was left…?” Adrian’s tone changed.  “Do you…do you know what happened? You’re the only one we can ask.” Alyx’s hands grew fidgety as she noticed the sudden change in Adrian's demeanour. His position went from lax to lenat forward and focused. His eyes glanced downward, avoiding hers.  “...What’s it look like there, now?” He asked, returning the question with one of his own. “Smoke and ash and rubble. Remains of headcrab, too.” Alyx’s words made Adrian wince. “...Were you involved?” Adrian kept his head down, processing this thought.  
The father’s definitely dead, huh…
 His lip quivered, just for a second.  “DOCTOR VANCE?!” A voice came from the other room, hollering like no other. Sounded like an older man.  “W-what? What is it?” Eli’s voice stumbled out, panicked.  “Is it true? Is Corporal Shephard in there?!” The voice asked with a frenzied yell, Adrian thought it sounded familiar.  “Yes, yes he is. Why?” “You have to let me in there! You have to!” “Now now, Doctor Katz-” Doctor Katz?  Adrian stood up in his chair.  
Doctor…Katz?
 “I’ve told you about him, Eli!! The Good Shephard! He helped me escape!” Katz was positively frazzled, if his shakiness was anything to go by.  “...That’s him?” Eli made his attempt to ensure the information was true.  “That’s him!!” Katz quickly confirmed, even fiddling with the door handle to get in.  “Let him in!” Adrian called out, circling to find the camera again. “I remember a man by that name!” Alyx seemed to mumble out a curse as Eli silently unlocked the doors. In burst through Doctor Katz himself, shocked to his core.  Yep, that was him. Give or take a Santa beard. He had a much longer coat too, stained at the bottom a bit with grime and other such substances. His circular, unframed glasses were the same pair, however, it was the easiest part of him to recognise.  “Corporal Shephard!” He exclaimed with relief and delight.  “Doctor Katz!” Adrian hurried to meet him, happy to see a familiar face. “You actually made it!” “Barely. Alyx, look! I told you not all of the marines were against us, and here rolls in the apex example!” Katz’s head turned to Alyx as he gestured between the two, as if making first introductions.  Adrian folded his arms, despite the pain in his body telling him not to, as the doctor exclaimed many more words of gratitude. “There’s a few of us 'round the base who had been rescued by you, you know! I ought to reunite us all, now that you’re here, they’d all love to see you!” Katz clasped his hands together, a wide smile on his face. That smile…yep, that was nice and familiar.  Adrian was brought right back to where he had seen it before.   
The Black Mesa Incident. Day 2
 
The corporal's legs screamed at him with each move his body took through this vent. Ends of the fabric of his pants tinged with both human and alien blood. Bullet shots still smoking on the edge of his HECU vest. Eyes damn nearly torn out of his skull. 
 
Cracking open the other side and tumbling out onto the hard floors of a Black Mesa office, the sounds of helicopter blades outside muffled the sounds of his fall. 
 
Adrian scrambled up, pipe wrench still in hand, stumbling over to the window across the room and planting both hands on it. 
 
A helicopter out. Several of his fellow men gathered in it, more piling. 
 
Hope. 
 
Turning on his heel, Shephard wandered back across the room, holding a hand to his waist due to the pain. Just his luck, though, there was a first aid station near the door. Man, there sure were a lot of these around here. Were they just for the scientists? The guards?
 
Adrian decided those questions weren’t able to be answered, nor were they worth the privilege. Latching onto the kit, a cool feeling of relaxation filled his entire body as the beeps of the machine echoed across the room. 
 
Then, a peculiar sound graced his ears. A familiar one. 
 
The static of a radio in the room across.
 
Whatever voice was utilising that static radio spoke thus:
 
“Come in, Cooper! Do you copy? Forget about Freeman! We’re abandoning the base!”
 
Abandoning the base? Took them long enough to think of that idea. But who was this…Freeman?
 
Nevertheless, it was a familiar, safe voice, so Adrian took the leap and walked through the door, finally hopeful to see what was on the other side.
 
“Sir?” He gained the attention of his fellow marine as he was giving air strike orders with one word. 
 
“Hm?” He whipped around, startled. “Shephard? You’ve made it!”
 
”Sergeant Watkins, it’s good to see you!” Adrian saluted the marine, the helicopter blades outside still whirring in the background. 
 
The marine saluted back, before returning to his position. “I take it you didn’t find Freeman?”
 
“…No, sir.” Adrian had no idea what he was on about, so he lied through his teeth. 
 
Sergeant Watkins’ brow furrowed, his eyes told of worry.
 
“Forget it, Corporal! We are pulling out! The airstrike has started, get to the hangar while we await evac!” Watkins commanded, firm in voice. “Take Jameson with you while you’re at it, he’s in the other room!”
 
“Yes, Sergeant!”  Adrian nodded and rushed across the room, to the next door along. 
 
Hauling it open, across another bizarrely shaped office, was who looked to be the mentioned Private Jameson with one of the scientists here. Those white coats, he’d recognise them anywhere. 
 
“Where’s Freeman?!” Private Jameson demanded of the scientist. “We don’t have time to mess around here!”
 
“You’ve got to believe me! Freeman’s-“ The scientist wasn’t given time to finish his sentence. Instead, Jameson shoved him to the ground with his gun. 
 
“I’m not letting you go until you talk!” His voice was harsh, scathing. Something in it made Adrian’s blood boil. 
 
“PRIVATE!”
 
The Corporal’s call made Jameson swivel on his heel. 
 
“Corporal Shephard! What a surprise to see you alive!” His eyes shone with recognition, an eerie sight after he had just threatened a civilian.
 
“What the hell are you doing here?! We’re supposed to be getting down to the helicopter!” Adrian got a bit yelly, lord knows he needed to after the day he’s had so far.
 
“Our other orders are still in place! We need to get information on Freeman, and I’m going to get it from him!” Jameson pointed over to the cowering scientist, a meek thing with circular no-frame glasses and what looked to be the beginnings of a beard.
 
“Did you not just hear Sergeant Watkins in the other room?! Whoever this Freeman is, he’s not our goddamn concern anymore! The concern is getting our sorry asses down to the helicopter and living long enough to read his fucking epitaph!” Adrian responded by pointing down the nearby stairs, starting to feel a nerve pop in his head. Or maybe that was the alien bullets. “Besides, what other orders?”
 
“Did you not receive them, Corporal Shephard?”
 
“What do you think, Jameson? Why do you think I’m asking?!”
 
“We are meant to be cleaning up all evidence of the events here, Corporal Shephard! And they meant all the evidence.” During his second sentence, he glanced back toward the scientist on the floor, who was shaking beyond belief. 
 
The implication was rife. If Adrian left here, this man was going to die. And it would be by the bullet of one of his own. 
 
Listen. He knew the army wasn’t good, not in the slightest. Especially not the marine corps. 
 
He had been involved in it since eighteen, that’s enough time to learn that the people you work for aren’t very good. What they all fought for wasn’t honourable, or meaningful, or anything like that. Adrian was only there to guarantee himself some form of safety, at the cost of another form. He was there to guarantee himself a place in the world, and he was there to fight. 
 
Killing civilians, in this manner, for useless information, however? This was something that left an awful taste in his mouth. 
 
“Jameson, I…” Adrian stumbled on his words for a second. “Private, I’d understand if this was a former threat or something, but this is an unarmed scientist! About three of them just saved my ass earlier, they’re not threats! What the hell are you doing following these orders when we need to pull out!”
 
“You think I like it? Orders are orders, Corporal Shephard. We have to follow them.” He remained unshaken. 
 
“Seriously? You don’t think there’s a thing fishy about being asked to ‘clean up’ the unarmed? Jameson, please, you were better than this in training!” Adrian rested his head in his hands, before taking another glance at the cowering scientist. 
 
Private Jameson was someone Shephard knew. Not well, but he knew him. He was, from what he understood, a good type of guy. He had the nickname ‘Cauliflower’ because of his ears going like one in the first week of boot camp. He could handle his drink quite well. If Adrian’s supervisors were to be trusted, he was a man who could do his job. 
 
Adrian didn’t recognise that Jameson, right now. All he saw was a man threatening a civilian. It made him feel sick. 
 
“Jameson? Get your ass away from him, this instant, or I’m turning it into instant fucking ramen.” Adrian started to ready his gun, prepared to do the worst. 
 
“Absolutely not, Corporal Shephard. I have this covered. You go on ahe-“
 
The Corporal shoved the pistol right at his head, laser turned on for good measure.
 
“I’m not repeating myself, Jameson.” 
 
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
 
“Stopping you from doing something utterly stupid! Now back off!” Adrian barked at him, pressing the gun firmly against the Private’s forehead. 
 
“Stupid?! They’re our orders!”
 
“Do our orders matter anymore, Jameson?” Adrian's voice quivered. “There’s fucking aliens running about! We’re massively overnumbered! Running is our only option!”
 
The air remained still for what felt like hours. Helicopter blades kept purring outside, a backing beat to their thumping, scared hearts. 
 
The scientist quivered in the corner, watching with wide eyes as Private Jameson’s hand slowly reached for his own pistol. 
 
Slowly…
 
Slowly…
 
“CORPORAL, HE’S ARMING-“
 
BANG!!
 
Private Jameson was a man Adrian once knew. 
 
He dropped to the floor, leaving a shapely blood splatter on the wall behind him. Adrian’s gun arm fell, and he sighed in relief. 
 
The scientist's warning had paid off. 
 
Adrian turned on his heel, pointing directly towards him. 
 
“Stay here. You’re not out of the woods yet.” He demanded, before turning back to meet with the Sergeant. ”And keep quiet!”
 
He marched back through the door, checking his pistol’s ammo without looking. The second the Sergeant was in his sight, his pistol was raised to a head once again. 
 
“SERGEANT!”
 
“Shephard?!” Watkins leapt out of his chair and whipped out his own gun, pointing right back. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
 
“Our orders, Sergeant Watkins! What were they?!” Adrian demanded, finger hovering over the trigger. 
 
“Don’t you speak to me-“
 
“ANSWER ME! Were we sent here to murder the unarmed? Fucking CIVILIANS?!” Adrian’s voice started to hurt. “Yes or no?!”
 
“Shephard, you and I both know what we signed up for when we joined!” Watkins tried to justify, moving towards the other slightly. “Why now of all times?”
 
“This is for useless information! Private Jameson over there was trying to kill a guy for information we had already given up on!! What is going on?!”
 
“Put down the gun, Shephard. I might vouch for you in court for this if you do.”
 
“…Sergeant Watkins, do you think there’s even going to be a court after this?” Adrian couldn’t help but shake in his place, watching the eyes of Watkins become faded with arrogance and apathy. “I’ve been fighting god knows what here, do you think this is all just going to be cleaned up hunky dory? And do you really think they’re gonna let us live after seeing this?”
 
The thought of being erased after this operation didn’t come into Adrian’s head until the words left his mouth, but now that the idea was in the air, it was a worryingly strong possibility. 
 
Really, this was alien stuff, wasn’t it? He’d watch movies like this back on base, ninety nine percent of the time it was a government coverup. Now that the first coverup had failed, it was only a matter of time before the next one came alone and murdered them all in droves. 
 
Getting arrested and discharged for murdering a fellow soldier was the least of his problems. Getting killed by a fellow soldier for turning on them was the least of his problems. Whatever the hell Freeman’s status is, that was the least of his problems.
 
Not when those bastard crabs kept coming. 
 
“Corporal, please…” Watkins kept trying to rationalise the situation, A hand raised up. “You need to calm down!”
 
Instead of shooting, Adrian dived towards him and shoved him into the wall, possibly to get a steady shot, maybe just so he didn’t have to kill him, he hadn’t decided yet. This caused Watkins to drop his gun, it clattered against the floor and thankfully didn’t misfire at either of them. Adrian was only going to kill if needs be. 
 
“Love of God, Sergeant, open your eyes!” Adrian wrestled Watkins’ hands together. “Did you join to kill the innocent? Because I sure fucking didn’t!”
 
“You’re naïve, Shephard! I’ve heard that’s always been the case!”
 
“What the hell would you know about my case?!” Adrian’s voice grew hoarse as he pulled back the Sergeant's arm. “Now are you gonna listen to some sense or not?!”
 
“GAGHHH!”
 
Watkins yelled out in pain and reflexively pushed Adrian away with his body weight, shaking off the pain in his arm before running over to his dropped gun. 
 
BANG BANG!!
 
Two more shots. The body of Watkins tumbled to the floor, just before his pistol. 
 
…Shit.
 
Adrian holstered his pistol and grabbed the Sergeants, before stopping midway and taking another look at the radio he had been talking into. 
 
It…was worth a shot, to send a diversion or something. 
 
He turned on the radio as well as his best Watkins impression. 
 
“No more hostiles in this area. Pulling out effective immediately, over.”
 
God, that voice was terrible. They were NOT buying that-
 
“Good job, Watkins. Get to the heli, over” 
 
Oh thank fuck. 
 
To finish the job, Adrian kicked the radio in, making sure no more signals could be sent out or in. He stumbled back a bit after his foot went through, it took a second to regain his balance. Once he was back on both feet, though, he immediately raced back to the scientist. 
 
The poor guy. He was still cowering in that cupboard. 
 
“Hey, doctor…whatever. You’re safe now, I won’t harm you.” Adrian walked up, trying to be quick but still as careful as possible. If he panicked, things could go very wrong. “What’s your name?”
 
“Uh…” His voice was shaking, he was still processing all this. “I’m Doctor Michael Katz.”
 
“Doctor Katz, lovely to meet you.” Adrian held out his free arm to pull him up, which he took. “You heard, but I’m Corporal Adrian Shephard. Sorry we have to meet in these circumstances.”
 
“You seem to at least have a decent head on your shoulders, Corporal. Thank you, dearly.” Katz nodded in response, keeping his hands close out of anxiety. 
 
“They all do, they’re just…they’re just following orders. Not their fault that the orders are stupid.” Adrian sighed, resting his hands on his hips as he looked back at the bodies around him. Then, as the severity of the situation pulled in, that he had just murdered two of his former comrades, his hands shot up to his face. “Oh God…”
 
“C-Corporal?!” Katz’s hands shook, startled at the sudden change. 
 
“Fuck…what have I done…That was Watkins…” The Corporal paced on the spot, panicked. “Shit…”
 
“Are you okay…? Sir?”
 
“…I just killed them. I just…”
 
“Sir, you…no, don’t let me interrupt. This day has been hard on all of us.” The doctor decided to hold his tongue, face remaining grim. 
 
Good that he did, too. The weight of what Adrian did had hit him all of once just after the adrenaline of the fight wore off. His face felt like it was going to melt right off from the fear and the guilt. 
 
It’s not like Adrian hadn’t killed before. That’s what the army trains you for, it’s what you’re expected to do. How the hell else did he make it up here in one piece?
 
It wasn’t something you ever got used to, though. The pump, recoil of a gun, the sound of the bullets sinking and squeaking into the flesh, followed by the unceremonious thud when the opponent hit the ground, life drained from their body. Even the hardiest, most experienced men Adrian knew still shuddered at the thought. 
 
Watkins and Jameson, dead on the floor at his hand, for the life of another.
 
Adrian was starting to understand his superiors quite a bit.    
 
His heaved sighs muffled by his sleeves quietened down a fair bit, before eventually fading away, leaving the two in the uncomfortable silence. 
 
“…You saved my life, corporal, if it’s any comfort.”
 
“Thanks…I’m glad you’re okay. Did either of them injure you?” Adrian finally took his head out of his hands and looked at Katz, eyes slightly strained. 
 
“Other than that push, no. I think I did my shoulder in a bit, but that’s just what happens when you get old!” Katz tried to laugh as he stretched out his left arm. 
 
“Good, good…” Adrian glanced around, gritting his teeth behind his closed mouth.
 
“Hey, uhm…” The doctor began, anxious. “Have you…heard much about Gordon Freeman?”
 
“Nope, don’t know a thing, couldn’t care less. I’m...still wondering what’s even happening.”
 
“Hm…You might want to be careful, Corporal. Freeman was at the centre of the cascade, if what I’ve heard from Anomalous Materials is correct, and he’s done nothing but survive since. I only know that he’s been helping us and killing anything in his way, including you HECU. I’d hate to see a good man die.” Katz looked toward the floor, eyes filled with worry. 
 
“Same here, which reminds me.” Adrian quickly changed the subject by handing Katz the gun he stole from Sergeant Watkins. “You experienced with weaponry, Doctor?”
 
“Wait, What- what the hell?!” He gasped at the gun in his hands, nearly dropping it. 
 
“So, no. That’s helpful…alright, don’t use it unless you’re in a real bad situation. The trigger’s not hard, so just point it at whatever needs to be shot before it kills you. There’s a safety switch on the side, if you want, but don’t forget if you have switched it on.” Adrian explained, pointing around the gun to indicate the different parts. 
 
“W-well, what would I need this for??”
 
“You’re going to run, obviously! You seriously need to run as far as you can get. Car, van, fuckin’ submarine, I don’t care. Get out of Black Mesa. The guns for anything or anyone trying to stop you. I think there’s some abandoned military vehicles nearby you could drive out of state with. You’ll have to be sneaky, though.” Adrian patted Katz on the shoulder, trying his best to reassure him. “Can you do that, Doctor?”
 
“I…I think I can?”
 
“Good enough. I’m gonna try to get to the heli and get out myself. Run for your life, alright?” Adrian’s hand left his shoulder and he bolted out, headed toward the stairs, to what he hoped would be his own salvation.
 
“Will do!! Good luck Corporal!”
 
“You too, Doctor!”
  The true picture of his voice came in, the full memory filed into his brain. Here was the man he shot his fellow men to save, full of pep and spirit. Full of life, even after what Adrian understood now to be so many years.  It was a nice feeling. One he felt he didn’t deserve to have.  “So…I’m okay then?” Adrian asked, looking around to the others.  “I’d like to run a few tests first, if that’s alright? If the team that picked you up is to be believed, you have just come out of a small town-levelling explosion! You can’t be in the best shape!” Katz then expressed worry, doing some quick checks of Adrian’s arms in case of any visible wounds,  “Uh…I think you’d just need to look at my head. Think I knocked it pretty bad, I was out most of the way here.” The corporal admitted, brushing his left temple with two fingers. “Rest of me is intact.” “Good that you’re acquainted with Doctor Katz, then,” Alyx spoke up, smiling. “One of the best medics we have.” “Oh, you flatter me, Miss Vance! I’m just an old practitioner these days.” “Well, you can check if I’ve got a concussion, right?” Adrian looked nervous.  “Who would I be if I couldn’t?” Katz laughed, patting Adrian on the shoulder and beginning to bring him along. “Alyx, could you tell your father and Dr Kleiner I’ve got the Corporal under my care? Especially Kleiner, I saw the man’s teeth chattering as I ran down here!” “Got it, Dr Katz. I’ll keep an eye out for Gordon, too!” “Wait, Gordon?” Adrian mumbled, head turning in confusion. He didn’t get his question answered however, he left with Dr Katz as Alyx wandered behind them to discuss plans with her dad again.  Fair enough, gotta confirm these things. But still, he felt a tad sour about not being answered.  The White Forest base, rudimentary as it was, was a sight to behold. The structure, the atmosphere, and the friendly nature of the denizens (even if a few looked at him weirdly) all made him think of a nicer version of his marine camp. You know, without all the shouty drill instructors and careless upper brass. Or the twenty-minute marches whenever someone fucked up, those memories sent a shiver down his spine.  A few older faces seemed to recognise him, and he recognised them right back. A lady with brown hair waved with delight while she was constructing something fierce-looking. An older man with a receding black hairline causally saluted him. A youngish girl tugged on her dad's shoulder while he typed at something and said ‘That’s the Shepherd you were talking about, isn’t it?’.  He recognised them all. It’s good to see he did at least a little bit of good while in that hell Black Mesa.  Eventually, he was taken to a small medical room, labelled ‘Katz’s Practice’. It wasn’t much of a medical facility, but the doctor seemed to make do with what he had. A nice looking desk with some notes, some papers, a typewriter and some family photos on it, some old chairs with those grandma patterns on the seats and back (you know the type), even an examination bench! All of that was paired with an impressive collection of medical books in the back, one of which a young-looking man was studying from in the corner.  “Greetings, Horvitz!” “Aah!” The man jumped, his head whipped around. “Oh, shit, Doctor Katz! You’re back!” “Brought us a good friend over! Shephard, this is my apprentice, Daniel Horvitz. Horvitz, this is one Corporal Adrian Shephard, the reason I’m alive to work in this lab!” He gestured between the two of them with a hearty smile. Horvitz waved meekly, a closed book on human biology in his arms.  “You’re Corporal Shephard?” He asked, looking him up and down.  “Last I checked.” “It’s an honour, sir!” Horvitz walked over and held out his hand to shake. His eyes had a constant downturned sense of worry, but he seemed friendly enough. “As he said, I’m Daniel! I’m one of the medics on base, but I’m trying to become a proper doctor. Under him, of course!” “Can never have enough of those, good on you!” Adrian was quickly reminded of the medical personnel that were part of his team. They were stronger than any of the rest of them, so he immediately took a shine to the meek man in front of him. Anyone strong enough to willingly deal with the absolute hell that was studying medicine and surgical practices on warzones was stronger than him.  “Horvitz, could you get me an article on concussions and head trauma? Shephard here’s suffered a nasty knock to his head, I’ll need a refresher!” Doctor Katz sat down at his desk and took a few notes, probably on Adrian’s initial visible condition if the constant looks back at him were any indication. “Take a seat anywhere, Corporal, not that we have many!” Adrian laughed along with him at that joke and took a seat nearby on one of those grandma chairs.  “Of course!” Daniel nodded and slid the biology book back into its place on the wide set of bookshelves, before hurrying over to another shelf and sliding out a smaller book, dashing it onto Katz’s desk.  The doctor flipped it open and eyeballed it for a minute. In any other circumstances, your doctor having to refresh himself on the concept of concussions wasn’t a good sign, but Adrian simply took it as a sign of responsibility. Katz could never be too sure, and that put Adrian’s mind at ease.  They went through standard procedures, it was nothing Adrian wasn’t used to. Health checks back at his camp in the army weren’t an uncommon thing, so if anything, this gave him a sense of normality. If he could close his eyes, he could pretend he was back on base, being seen to by Doctor Brand and his wonderful team, laughing about the mess hall food and what a stickler Commander Jones was being lately.  … None of them survived, did they? Adrian’s train of thought came to a halt, however, when he was broken out of his trance of routine, seemingly being asked something by the Doctor in front of him.  “Corporal?” “Ah!”

He jumped slightly, shocked out of his state.  “You zoned out a bit there on me, are you sure you’re okay?” Katz asked, eyebrows furrowed.  “D-Don’t worry!” Adrian waved the worries away with a sheepish hand. “You just…reminded me of something.” “Hm…fair enough. I was just asking if I could do a physical inspection? Of the rest of you that is.” Doctor Katz tilted his head, trying to ease Adrian. That effort seemed to be in vain, though, as his eyes instead grew more worried.  “Rest of me? Oh- no, no, that’s- that’s all fine!” He stammered out, his arms wrapping around each other reflexively. “It’s just surface level wounds, I checked while I was in that room. They should heal on their own!” “Good to hear, but I really should still check for broken bones and the-“  Adrian pulled out of the chair and backed away, anxiety levels soaring high. “That’s fine, Doctor Katz. I’ll manage.”  “Please, corporal-“ “Besides, I haven’t gotten to take my medication yet.” Adrian then played off his scared arms as ones that were folded, as he turned away and regained his composure, changing the subject.  “Medication?” Horvitz looked concerned.  “Yes, they’re still holding most of my stuff, including my medication. I haven’t taken it this week and I need to.”  Speak of the devil, and he comes knocking. There was a knock at the door of this little lab, followed by the familiar face of Alyx.  “Corporal? Team said you could have your stuff back.”  “Oh thank fuck ”  Adrian hurried over and took the bundle out of Alyx’s arms, laying it across a nearby foot table.  Medication, check, HECU vest, check, mask, check, dog tags, check… A rosary. A gift.  Adrian held it in his hands for a second, feeling the beads clack together, as his thoughts pulled him back to the rubble of Ravenholm.  Check.  “…Doctor, you wouldn’t have a clean syringe, would you? This stuff needs to be injected.” Adrian looked around as he asked, his eyes wide.  “Oh! Yes yes, here!” Katz opened some drawer Adrian couldn’t see from his position and hurried over, syringe in hand.  “Thanks. Don’t worry about the application, I’ve done this for years.” The Corporal assured, before measuring out a small but significant amount of fluid from the container and injecting it firmly into the muscle of his left arm. Then, he slotted the container into a pocket in his camo pants and passed the syringe back to the doctor.  “What is it?” Alyx asked. “Just…out of pure curiosity. Label’s wiped.” Adrian nearly made the mistake of visibly sucking air through his teeth at that question, wondering how exactly he was going to answer without either sounding like a heroin addict or outing himself, so to speak.  How much lying would he need to do? Only just a bit, probably.  “It’s…hormone shots. My hormone levels get pretty messed up, so I take this to level ‘em out. Can’t remember the brand name, though.” Adrian lied through his teeth, praying that his eyes weren’t giving him away.  “Hm. Makes sense. You can come here to administer it, if you wish. Least I could do for you, Corporal!” Katz assured the younger man with a firm smile.  “Awfully kind!” Adrian replied as he gathered his things proper, before walking over to Alyx by the door. “Now, what’s your plan with me? I’ll take execution, if it’s necessary.” Alyx snickered. “No, no, you said you wanted introductions, right? C’mon, I’ll get you acquainted with our team here.”  “Solid. Take care, Doctor Katz, Mr Horvitz!” Adrian waved them off, a big smile on his face, as he walked out with Alyx following close.  The door closed behind them, and the two medics were left to their thoughts.  “…Hormone condition?” Horvitz asked, raising his hands to his chest slightly  “Hm? Oh, yes, don’t worry. It’s not exactly common, but they do happen. Causes issues with fat distribution, blood cell production, bone density, all sorts. He seemed flighty about it, but, aren’t we all about our medical conditions?”  Katz stayed casual about the topic, tapping his fingers on his desk as he gathered a few notes from it. “Oh…shit!” “What?”  “Horvitz…I forgot to circle back onto his physical exam!”  Gordon’s own mission hadn’t been much. Scan for any remaining combine in the area, clear out any dangerous weapons, et cetera et cetera.  It was just him and D0G on the mission, too, which gave him good time to think.  The natural beauty of White Forest can really clear a man’s head, he found out. Waterfalls, bristling trees, wet grass after rain.  Unfortunately, this beauty meant finding weapons was all the more of a stark dissonance.  Nevertheless, Gordon did his job and he did it well, bringing an arm and a leg’s load of usable weapons for the resistance.  Coming back to the base to rumours running wild was, like many times that day, a stark jarring dissonance.  What the hell did they mean, a HECU soldier was found? After dumping the entire arms race at the weaponry division, Gordon resolved to meet back with Alyx to figure out what the hell happened while he was gone.  He managed to wave her down while she was discussing something with Kleiner, pulling her aside and signing drastically to express his confusion.   “I’ve been hearing stuff about a marine soldier here? How?” He asked, trying his best to maintain composure.  “You just heard?” Alyx tilted her head in question, before shifting it back when realising. “Ah, right, you’ve been gone. Our other recon team went nearby Ravenholm due to an explosion set off there, and we found him in the rubble.”  “And you’ve…kept him?” Gordon’s face looked almost aghast.  “We determined him not to be dangerous, so, yeah! Plus, a couple Black Mesa survivors owe their lives to him, apparently, so they’ve been able to vouch for him!” Alyx tapped away on a keypad and the door before them opened up.  Eli and Adrian, just through the doors, looked to be having a pretty amicable discussion. Adrian was leaning actually on the wall next to a cabinet, arms folded, while Eli was sat typing at a computer.  “Hm?” The Corporal was the first to notice the entrance. “Oh, hey Alyx.” “Hey Shephard! Hi Dad!” “Ah, Alyx!” Eli turned on his chair, welcoming his daughter with open arms. He got out of his chair and shared a hug with his daughter, before pulling away and patting firmly on Gordon's shoulder. “Good to see you too, Gordon. All well?”  “Got some more weapons. D0G’s doing fine, too.” He signed back, smiling only slightly.  “You’re Freeman?” Adrian’s head turned. “Man…still got that suit.” He folded his arms and turned, his back leaning against the wall.   “You’re the HECU?” Gordon signed back, before realising he might not understand that. He was about to ask Alyx to help translate, but Adrian raised his hand up to stop them.   “ASL, right? I learned on a tour.” Adrian’s signing was shaky, but structured. “I can understand you.”  “Good to know…” Gordon’s signs were small, as if in a mumble, but still directed.  “And yes, I am. Corporal Adrian Shephard. Good to finally meet you.” He held out his hand to shake, a small nervous smile on his face.  Gordon met it, shaking his hand, but there was a bit of an indescribable tension that they both could feel. Neither one could blame the other either. The events of Black Mesa changed them both, in very different directions.  It felt like one couldn’t trust the other. Not one bit.  “Ahoy, Doctor Vance?” Adrian’s head turned again. “You guys got a smoking area around here? I’ve been craving a cig for hours.” “Uh…Think you could just use the gate outside for that?” Eli shrugged, not really knowing what to do with that kind of question. Adrian wordlessly thanked him and walked out, tucking a few things out of his vest and leaving it on a nearby chair as he went.  The window across the room showed where he ended up, leaning against a temporarily inactive electric fence as he clicked on what looked to be some sort of music player. It was a small stick, coloured black, with a little LCD screen on the front. The earbuds connected to it were placed into his ear and he slotted the player into a pocket in his pants.  Then, out of a packet of slightly crumpled cigarettes, he retrieved a smoke and placed it in his mouth. With a lighter from the other pocket, he lit it up, watched the smoke fade into the distance. He seemed relaxed.   “...Pulled out of the rubble of Ravenholm, right? What even happened there?” Gordon eventually asked.  “We…still don’t fully know. He hasn’t given us much information.” Alyx admitted, resting an arm down by her side.  “I don’t blame him!” Eli raised his hands in a slight shrug. “Poor boy was more blood than man at the scene, apparently. Can’t have been pretty business.” “There were also signs of a much larger being with…headcrab resemblance, was it?” Alyx tilted her head.  “That’s what recon reported. Fact is, we don’t know what happened until army man there tells us.” Eli said, finger raised, then pointed at Adrian in the window. 
“Can we trust him to say the truth when he does?”
 “Gordon?” “Easy, Alyx.” Eli then calmed them both. “If what Adrian says is true about his age, which I think it is, the Black Mesa incident might be a fresh memory for him.”  “You saw what those grunts did to our teams, Eli!” Gordon got a bit more frantic, breath shortening. “You remember how many of them I had to kill to keep us alive!?”  “Gordon, I…I don’t know what answer you want me to give you.” Eli then admitted, resting his fist on the table near him. “Fact is, he’s alive and willing to help us. I don’t think this would be another Mossman situation, I doubt it’s possible with the Citadel now long in fireworks.” “We need all the help we can get, and he seems like pretty big help.” Alyx assured Gordon, patting him on the back.   “...Fine. Whatever. I’ll be with Kleiner if you need me.” Gordon audibly huffed and hurried out the room, a rare sight for the two others.  “...Gordon doesn’t seem too good, should I?” Alyx almost followed along before her father stopped her.  “Don’t, sweetie. You saw how Kleiner got, I doubt it’s much different for him. The soldiers at Black Mesa were meant to clean us up, I imagine some of us are still a bit raw about the whole thing.” Eli turned back to see Adrian in the framing of the window, still smoking and listening to whatever he had playing. “...If what Katz and the others say is correct, though…then he may have risked a lot to save us.” “That makes him trustworthy then, right?”  “...I hope so.” Eli sighed and clasped his hands together as Adrian outside stubbed the cigarette, sliding the end into another pocket.  He took one last look at the mountainscape around him.  And then he walked back inside.   
Some Years Before
 
Past midnight, nothing seemed too real anymore. 
 
Arizona wasn’t a wet state, so a night of rain like this was unprecedented. Nevertheless, he took the time to enjoy it. 
 
A sharp, hot flash of tar in his airways, and he could relax again, watching the odd car, or the odd person, or the odd light go by on this street lit up only by streetlights reflecting off wet asphalt. 
 
He checked his MP3 player. Still nearly dead. It probably wasn’t a wise time to use it, but god, he needed something to fill the air other than the taps of raindrops on the concrete around him. 
 
Slipping his earbuds in, the song he wanted started playing. Finally, some guitars to outpace the gloom of this street. Some hard drums. Some singing. 
 
The file wasn’t perfect, no random torrent off the internet was. It sounded a bit blown out in places, and occasionally went off entirely. But that was fine. 
 
Man, where was he going to stay tonight? 
 
He flipped through the contacts on his half-broken cell, wondering who would be most open to a rain-covered loser on their couch. 
 
Eventually, a name came up. Danielle. 
 
Haven’t talked to her in a while, she could be a shot. 
 
Pausing the music, he raised the cellphone to his ear and let the ring play. 
 
Once
 
Twice
  Click.    
“Hello? Adrian, is that you??”
 
“...Yes, yes it is, Dani, uh…sorry to ask so late in the night but, you wouldn’t mind if I came over, would you?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Adrian found his place within the White Forest resistance base pretty quickly.  His stature and strength as well as military training meant he fit well assisting and helping organise the resistance fighters to be even a bit more of a mobilised unit. They still insisted on calling him Corporal, despite his protests claiming that his military doesn’t really exist anymore, and they respected him like one.  They really shouldn’t, he often finds himself thinking. He doesn’t deserve that amount of respect. Couldn’t convince them of that, though, so whatever.  He hadn’t earned the respect of everyone, and that was something he could agree with. Some of the Black Mesa survivors still had scorned eyes, which was fair enough. Others offered to chat sometimes, to catch up. It warmed his heart a degree too much, to see these people alive.  Halfway through a shift of a ration crate, one of the few that only he could lift, he was met with an unfamiliar voice.  “Ah, The Good Shephard!” “AGH!” Adrian jumped in his place, swivelling his head to try to pinpoint where the voice came from.  “Oh! I did not mean to scare The Shephard!” The lab-coated vortigaunt raised his hands to ease the corporal.  “No no, you’re…” He paused to let out a breath. “You’re fine! Uhhhh…Uriah, was it?” “Yes, indeed!” The vortigaunt nodded. “Does The Shephard need any assistance?” “Oh, no, don’t worry, I’ve got this,” Adrian assured, hauling up the crate onto a nearby shelf, before leaning his shoulder onto it to rest. “I’ve seen you around with that other scientist guy, what was his name…” “You speak of The Magnusson?” “Yes, that guy! Kind of has a stick up his ass, but seems like, nice enough.” Adrian folded his arms, quite casual in his lean. “What’s he do around here anyway?” “My job is crucially important, thank you very much!” “GAGH!”  The second scare of the day, Adrian was startled once again by the sudden voice of Doctor Magnusson, arms folded with a stern expression.  Adrian hadn’t encountered Magnusson much, there wasn’t much room on base where their paths could cross. However, what little he did see of the scientist, Adrian both didn’t like him and quite admired him.  Oddly, Magnusson reminded Adrian of his old superiors. Fussy, instruction specific, and never-ending with their beratement. Adrian knew his place when it came to Magnusson, and that was something he could appreciate.  “Corporal Shephard, our paths cross. Would you mind not distracting my lab assistant?” Magnusson sighed out, glancing towards Uriah.  “Do not worry, I was actually thinking of a utilisation for The Shephard, now that he is here. He is rather strong, is he not?” Uriah looked between them, raising one of his claw-like fingers to draw attention to his point.  “Yes, yes, a military professional is strong, what of it?” Magnusson raised his arms as he asked.  “Our work-in-progress explosion devices, they are rather laborious to transport between the testing field and the lab, are they not?” “…I see what you’re getting at here. Corporal, do you have a minute? I think you could help us with something!” Magnusson looked back to Shephard with a bit of a spark in his eye.  “Explosion devices…? I was bomb trained, but, I was never a technician, I doubt I’m gonna be of any-“ “Oh no no, Shephard! Last thing I need is a grunt like you messing about with my hard work! Are you good at lifting things, is my question?” “…Well, you just saw.” Shephard pointed back at the crate he was just carrying. “How’d I do?” “The Shephard is rather formidable with heavy objects. I have observed him under such conditions quite a few times. I think this is an optimal idea, to employ him with the legwork of our project.” Uriah vouched for him, which Adrian thanked with a friendly smile and a nod.  “There’s definitely worse people around here to enlist, pun not intended. Corporal, you’re on the job.” Magnusson had already wandered over to some desks and pulled up an image on his computer, inviting Shephard over before he could accept the terms.  “Is…is that the thing?” Adrian asked, arms folded as he wandered up to the monitor.  “The ‘thing’, he says, the ‘thing’! That, Corporal, is the blueprints for the Magnusson device!” The doctor explained, pointing across all the different little notes on the screen. “It is something that I believe could help us take down the Striders!” “Striders?” Adrian’s brow shifted.  “You haven’t encountered any? Good lord, how are we getting anything done around here…” “The combine has many many creatures under its command, including the ones we call the ‘striders’. Most of your kind would compare them to the species known as the spider crab?” Uriah explained, letting Adrian realise what they were on about.  “Ooooh! You mean the big spindly johnnies with the guns on them?” Adrian’s eyes lit up, only to the increased confusion of the two scientists. “Those weird bastards, yeah I saw a few of them but I haven’t had to fight one, thank god…” “Uriah, I am starting to reconsider.” “The Shephard has the right idea, Magnusson. Give him time.” “Yes…yes, I suppose you’re right. Now, about the Magnusson device…” The titular Magnusson folded his arms proudly and started explaining with a puffed-up chest. “We are currently within good development stages, and thus we have some prototypes to work with. However!” “However?” Adrian urged him to continue. “It is a great effort to carry my devices between where we test them and where we develop them. That!” He firmly slammed his hand on the table to enunciate his point. “Is where you come in, Corporal.” “I’m a carry boy, then, huh? Alright, alright, where’s one, I wanna estimate how many I can carry at once…” Adrian glanced around, hands in pockets, before spotting one near the left of them. “Ah!” “Be careful with it!” Magnusson instructed. “It’s still in the early stages, so it’s going to be-“ “Hm? This is lighter than I thought.” Adrian hauled up the device onto his left shoulder and swivelled around. “Good enough, though, I’ve been needing to get my workout in.” Magnusson and Uriah watched in awe as Adrian wandered over casually to them, their bomb up on his shoulder like it was nothing.  “…I told you The Shephard would be capable.” Uriah seemed to grin to himself. “See, this is why I appreciate you army men!” Magnusson suddenly sprung up and began, beckoning the two along as he moved to where he wanted the prototype going. “Strong and simple! You get a task and you do it, I don’t have to round you up to get something done like I do those blithering fools Kleiner and Freeman!” “I’ll ignore simple and just take the compliment.” Adrian looked aside, smirking awkwardly. “The Magnusson means it well, Shephard. He likes things when they are in their places, ‘proper’ as he often times calls such an affair.” Uriah walked alongside Adrian while Magnusson took up the front. “Besides, even as a survivor of the Resonance Cascade, The Magnusson appears to bear no ill will to your kind as a soldier.” “Why should I?” Magnusson raised a hand to enunciate his point. “We have much more important matters to be dealing with! Why should I bother myself with petty grudges?” “Do you not still hold the destroyed casserole from Black Mesa against The Freeman?” “That is entirely different and you know it, Uriah! That incident reflects on Freeman’s character rather poorly!” “Whatever The Magnusson says!” Uriah nudged Adrian, encouraging him to join in snickering. It was an invitation he could not refuse.  The three came to a small clearing outside, where a makeshift setup had been created for explosive testing. Adrian could tell it was explosive testing because, far at the end of this little concrete alcove, there was a black circle of soot and burn remains where many of these devices had probably been set off already.  “…So you’ve done this a few times then?” Adrian’s head turned.  “Testing is the way to perfection, boy! Get the thing over there, let’s get this show on the road!”  Adrian rolled his eyes, but with a small smile on his face, as he wandered over to the marked area and placed the device where it needed to go. As this trio began the testing, another group passed through, deliberating plans with each other on what was going to happen next.  A doctor and a hacker, almost joined at the hip. “As I was thinking, Gordon, we should probably check on Barney’s team and how they’re getting on setting up their base. I’m worried that the remains of the Combine may have found them out…” Alyx walked with Gordon as she explained, hands being used in a grandiose manner to enunciate her point.   “Have they contacted us remotely yet? You know I’ve mostly been out.” Gordon signed, brows inquisitive.  “Nope. That’s half the reason why I’m worried.”   “Fair enough. We’re taking the Jeep to the Deeper Woods, then?”   “That’s right. And this time, no offence, I’m driving.” Alyx giggled a little as she pulled up the shutters of the warehouse they were in.  “…Yeah, that’s also fair.” Gordon didn’t have the time or the energy to disagree about his driving skills, he had certainly proven himself destructive enough on the way here. The fewer vehicles Gordon was at the helm of, the better.  There, on the other side of the garage shutters, was that damned wireframe Jeep. He was already getting flashbacks of the coast and getting tailed by antlions in this thing.  Yeah. Please, Alyx. Please drive.  Sliding into the passenger seat, Gordon silently cursed that this thing had no seatbelt whatsoever. Somehow, whenever he crashed though, Alyx never went flying. Natural talent, maybe?  “Gonna be a bit of a drive, Gordon, want the radio on?”  Gordon shook his head, resolving to stare out the non-existent window instead.  “Fair enough. Let’s roll!”  The car started, engine roaring to life. Resistance members watching out front waved the two off as the light peeled through the room.  Gear. Power. Ignition.  
Go.
  
Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Some years ago.
 
“Good lord, Gordon, are you alright?” 
  “Hm?” Gordon lifted his head, making an audible noise of attention. “Oh, Doctor Kleiner…” He then signed, hands carried as if they were heavy. “Just peachy.”  
Damn, did he fall asleep in one of the labs again? That was starting to become a habit he had to kick. His notes were strewn about under his arms, sloppy but concentrated. They were good results, perhaps just taken under sub-optimal conditions. 
 
In layman's terms, his handwriting looked like ass because he was tired. 
 
“I do wonder if you’re pushing yourself a bit far off your calibre, Freeman.” Kleiner’s brows furrowed in concern. “You’re not going to produce your best work in your sleep.”
  “I’m not going to have time to produce anything if I rest more. Besides, this report’s nearly done.” Gordon huffed, letting his hands drop after he finished his sentence. He rocked a bit in his chair, anxiousness getting to him.   
“Hm…” Kleiner noticed the fidgeting, worry growing in his gut. “Freeman, can I take a look at that report? Not formally or anything, I just think you might need a second eye before you submit it.”
 
Gordon seemed to consider this for a second, hands clicking to process his thoughts. Then, he tapped on the paper and got up from his stool, indicating to Kleiner that it was okay to look. He didn’t seem to want to talk much, not even in sign. That was fine. Gordon didn’t need to talk to produce fine work. 
 
Doctor Kleiner picked up the first page and mumbled his reading of it, making some impressed noises part of the way through. Then, the next page. None of them had been organised and stapled yet, so he had to piece the order together through context clues. He managed well, though. All the while, Gordon leant against a wall at the side, biting his thumb and tapping his foot with nerves, trying to let some of what he was feeling out in a way that wasn’t just…well…screaming. 
 
“Freeman…might I say these are some fascinating notes. Very well taken!” Kleiner looked over to him as he held the last paper up. “The experiment you were doing for this went well, I presume?”
Gordon nodded. “Almost perfect results. Just a shame I’m a shit writer.”  
“Oh nonsense Gordon, nonsense!” Kleiner waved that thought away. “You have a fine way with words! I just wish you’d be a bit easier on yourself!”
  “I would be, If I could actually get shit done on a regular timescale!” Gordon’s signing became frustrated. “But no, I have to make sure everything’s perfect! That’s my third draft, this week, actually!”  
“...You see what I’m saying yet, Freeman?” Kleiner smiled awkwardly. 
 
“...I just wish I had more time.”
 
That sentiment made Kleiner think. More time, hm? 
 
“Freeman, who’s this paper due for?”
 
“Professor Morris, why?”
 
“Eureka! Oh, he makes things so much simpler!” Kleiner clicked his finger when the name reached his ear, smiling wide. “Right, okay, from today, consider your assignment extended!”
 
“Wait, Doctor Kleiner-”
 
“It’s due in a week, right? Make it two weeks! I’ll sort it all out, don’t you worry!” Kleiner assured Freeman, smile bright and genuine. “I’ll mark you in for my lecture tomorrow while I’m at it, you don’t need to come! Just, uh…” He held his finger to his chin for a second, thinking. “Come to my office in the afternoon and I’ll show you what the lecture was about. You know my hours, don’t you Freeman? I want you to use the morning to get some proper sleep and work on this assignment at a good pace.”
  “Doctor, you-” Gordon struggled to finish his sentence, hands stuck on the second word as he tried to think of what he wanted to say next.   
“Now now, Freeman. What have I been telling you to do since you were an undergraduate?” Kleiner asked, rather genuine in tone. 
 
“My best, Doc. Why?”
 
“Correct. I ask this because I realise I may have not clarified what I mean by best. Sometimes, your best is a shining paper completed in just a day! Other times, your best is what you could get down over the weeks. Sometimes, your best is just getting out of bed! What I failed to say, and I do apologise for forgetting, is that ones best fluctuates depending on circumstance!” Kleiner explained, gesturing widely as he always did. 
 
“Your point is…?”
 
“That you must not think that your best is always pushing yourself to your limit! That line of thinking is what nearly killed my own PHD, you know!” 
  “That’s…That’s a good point, Kleiner.” Gordon admitted, clicking his fingers at the end of the sentence to let out a bit of stressed energy. “Your office, afternoon, right?”  
“Right you are! Get some good sleep and some good work done! Make sure it’s to your best and nothing more!” He encouraged as he handed the papers back and saw Gordon out. 
 
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kleiner!”
 
“See you around, Gordon! And good luck with the report!”
  The car rattled on, Gordon’s mind in deep contemplation.  Alyx hadn’t said anything yet, she was focused on driving, and that was fine with him. That let him think on all kinds of things.  Including the feeling of the HEV suit on his body again.  It wasn’t…unwelcome, he thought. Honestly, it was taking him a while to gather his thoughts on the suit. It was clean, the first time it had been such a thing in a while. It was almost odd, seeing the shining orange when it was usually covered in red and green splatters from what he had to smash into dust for his own and other's sake.  The mechanical feeling of his limbs was back, which was a weird feeling. They didn’t feel like his own in this suit. Maybe that made it easier to kill with them. He couldn’t decide, he should maybe write a paper on it to gather his thoughts fully.  The wave radio buzzed in, before those thoughts could consume him fully.  Doctor Kleiner's voice was heard loud and strong. “Hello??” The feedback made him a bit hard to figure out at first, but Alyx and Gordon gathered the gist. “Alyx, Gordon, you two are about halfway to Deeper Forest’s location, correct?”“Hm?” Alyx tuned in as she drove. “Yes, yes we are! How’d you know?” “Perfect! It’s working, did you hear that Eli? It is working!”  “Uh, Kleiner? What’s working?” Alyx looked to Gordon with a confused expression.  “I couldn’t tell you initially, didn’t get the chance, but while Gordon was out of the HEV suit, I decided to add some upgrades to it!” Kleiner sounded rather cheerful. “For one, the tracking is now much more sophisticated and camouflaged! It’s gonna take a bit for anyone but us to track you now, Freeman! Gordon audibly sighed with relief at that, and decided to sign a response that Alyx could translate.  “Oh! Gordon says-”“Just one moment, my dear! You’re depriving me of another opportunity to show off! Gordon, think of what you want to say and then press the small button near the neck of your suit!” Kleiner’s instructions were said with poise and a slightly proud tone.  “THANK. YOU. DOCTOR.”  The voice that usually announced Gordon's injuries and needs to him when in combat or strife instead read out the exact words he wanted to say.  “Yes! That’s it, it’s working!” Kleiner exclaimed with glee. “A voice synthesiser! We can talk directly over solely verbal communications now, Gordon!” “Holy cow!” Alyx looked astonished, the car even slowing down slightly so she could process. “Go on, say something else!” 
“GOOD. JOB. THIS. VOICE. CAPTURES. MY. CONSTANT. HESITATION. WELL.”
 “Well, there you go!” The radio fuzzed in and out. “You’re about to enter an area with a lot of interference, but you can still alert with the suit if you need any backup, okay?” “Got it, Doctor Kleiner! We’ll see you in a day or so!” Alyx grinned, turning the car to make a tight corner “Good luck, Alyx! And you too, Freeman!”  
“I. WILL. DO. MY. BEST. DOCTOR.”
 “Exactly what I wanted to hear! See you around!”  The radio fizzled out, Kleiner cheers at his success fading along with it, and the two were left to their own thoughts again.  “Voice synth, eh?” Alyx asked, eyes focused but head tilted. “You think it’ll come in handy?” “IT. HAS. GREAT. COMEDIC. POTENTIAL.” Gordon’s speaker rang out while he had a smirk on his face.  “That’s the spirit! You think the zombine joke would work better with it?” 
“I’M. SORRY. ALYX. NOTHING. IS. SAVING. THAT”
 “Aw, c’mon!”  The two laughed as they closed in on a small building hidden deep into the woods. If the trackers were right, this was the place they were looking for.  As it turned out, Barney was assigned to make a smaller side base away from White Forest due to the position the resistance would be put in if said Forest base was ever taken out, by whatever the world may throw at them.  He rallied up with some willing recruits out of City 17, met others along the way, and seemed to have established a steady base here.  Guess they’ll see.  The two hopped out of the jeep, just by the entrance, and wandered over to what they assumed was the doorway in. Place looked protected, that was for certain. Heavy fencing, some cover for turrets, they have this spot locked ON.  Gordon rapped on the door and stood back, waiting for the usual Barney greeting, all smiles and whimsy and offers of alcohol.  That’s…not what they got.  “Ooh! Oh, our first visitor, let’s see here…be patient with me, this is my first time doing this!”  A familiar voice came on a speaker up above them. Well, Gordon wasn’t familiar with it, but someone was. Alyx’s face lit up at the sound of this man’s strong New Zealand accent.  “RUSSELL?!” She nearly screamed, smile beaming wide.  “Two humans, adults, only usual wea- Oh my god!” The voice took a minute to realise. “Oh I knew it! Let them in, let them in, that’s Alyx Vance! God, someone take my post, I gotta-” The intercom cut off before he finished. Instead, they heard pounding footsteps from behind the door they stood before.  The little sight hatch didn’t even slide like usual. Instead, the whole door immediately swung and the man presumably behind that mic swept Alyx up into a firm hug.  “Russell!! Oh my god, when did you link up with Barney’s team!?” Alyx returned the hug, face glowing with happiness. “What even happened? I don’t remember much after-” “No worries about that, kid! I’ve been fine! You did kind of go AWOL and I lost my shit, buuut, as you can see, I managed! Look at you though!” Russell pulled away from the hug and folded his arms, taking a good luck at Alyx before him. “You and your father doing okay these days?” “We’re both safe at White Forest, so, could be worse!” “Could be worse indeed! He could’ve still been, I don’t know, had everything sucked out of his head, or, killed randomly by the combine, or-” “Russell, really. We’re fine.” “Right, right! Ignore me!”Gordon got to take a good look at the man before him, the one Alyx knew as ‘Russell’. He was a quite older man, grey hairs tucked under a winter hat and an unkempt face of stubble. His eyes were downturned, he had a bit of an anxious yet loud manner of frame. Someone who radiates confidence and nervousness at the same time. Not an easy feat, so Gordon was already impressed by him.  “Oh, Russ! You never got to meet Gordon Freeman, did you?” Alyx gestured over to her companion, who gave an awkward wave.  “So you’re the man of the hour! Your coworker Eli told me a fair bit about you, betcha you’ll live up to it all. Name’s Russell, though, you probably already figured all that out from the screaming. I worked with Alyx a while back, that’s how we know each other!” Russell explained extensively, mouth running a mile a minute. Gordon was almost reminded of himself, though, with obvious differences.   “Lovely to meet you!” He signed back, only to be met with confusion on Russell’s face.  “...Eli never told me you were deaf. Was that all pointless? Alyx, you shoulda told me!” He turned to Alyx, somewhat accusatory.  “No, no, Russ, he’s not deaf, he’s mute. We’ve found ASL to be the easiest way to communicate.” “...Eli, that cheeky…that’s the one thing your father never told me! I woulda learned if I knew!” Russell laughed it off, turning back to Gordon with an expression rather apologetic. 
“ALL. OKAY. I. GET. TO. TEST. THIS.”
 “Gagh!!” Russ jumped back slightly, startled by the voice. “You said he was mute!” “Russell, that’s the suit-” “I know! Let an old man joke!” Russell’s smile was almost contagious. “Was that Isaac’s doing? Half of everything he does is with that suit!” 
“THIS. IS. STILL. BETTER. THAN. M.I.T.”
 Then, some more footsteps out of the corridor behind them, and a voice that meant it was Gordon’s turn to beam.  “The hell’s goin’ on out there, Russell? You tryna let every bug in?” 
“BARNEY. BARNEY. YOU. GOT. OUT.”
 “...Gordon?!” The footsteps got faster.  Barney Calhoun hurried through and came to the group out the front, huffing from the running.  “Holy- Gordon! Am I glad to see you!”  “Reunions all around here, it seems!” Russ joked as the two hugged and caught up.  “Man, I didn’t know that suit could start talkin’ for ya! That’s…god, that’s just actually cool!” Barney admired the Hazard suit. “Howsit work?” 
“BUTTON. ON. NECK. OF. SUIT. IT. TRANSMITS. WHAT. IS. NEEDED.”
 “Siiiiick…” Barney expressed as Gordon rocked in place from excitement, finding it hard to keep his hands still.  “Should we head in? Team back at White Forest has been waiting for feedback from you guys for a while.” Alyx said, pointing with her thumb into the door. “Weeeee do not wanna keep them waiting!” “Right!” Russell moved in, leading the group. “It will be no surprise to any of you to learn that I have been struggling. Might be needing your help on this one, Alyx.” “I’m down. What’s the issue?” Alyx folded her arms as they all walked, listening intently.  “Well, I have all my tech set up, I can do basically anything, but the wireless communications bit?”“Busto?”“Utterly busto. Ain’t doing a thing. That’s where I want you to come in!” He pointed right when they came to a split path in the base’s layout, and they all followed when he went. “We scientists need a second opinion, after all. I need you to take a look at it and see in what way have I been an idiot.” “Sounds doable. You two?” She turned to look behind her, to see Gordon and Barney chatting in sign. “I’m gonna be working with Russell a bit, all going to be okay over here?”  “All good. He says he’s finally gotten me that beer.” Gordon’s hidden glee was palpable.  “He’s been waiting twenty-odd years and an overthrown government. We owe it to him!” Barney laughed, patting his friend on the shoulder.  The group continued onward, further into this newly established base, chatting it up like the time apart had never happened at all.  And time certainly waited for them.   “So we find this little brush in this patch of woods, basically untouched by the Combine. There’s proper flora growing here and everythin’!” Barney explained with wide expressions, taking a sip of his drink at the end of the sentence. “And then, we find there’s a small couple of houses within this brush. Good a place as any, right?”  “I was thinking that!” Gordon signed, struggling but managing thanks to the cold bottle in his hand. “A small group established here means we cover a bit more ground. And it’s a fine location!”   “I sometimes feel like I struck gold!”  “How’d you run into Russell, by any chance?” Gordon then asked, pointing up at the man precariously holding a ladder as Alyx above him operated on some ceiling wires.  “Well, while I was gathering survivors and making sure they got outta town some time back, I ran into that fella, in his tech hovel.” Barney looked up at the man in question, who made an offended face.  “Tech hovel?? It was a proper lab, thank you very much!” Russell piped up, offended. “Any more proper than this one?” Barney took another sip.  “Admittedly not, but my work can be performed under any circumstances!” Russell patted his chest with a fist proudly, only for the ladder to wobble a bit.  “Russell, Ladder!” Alyx stammered out. “Oh, sorry!” He apologised and took a firm grip of the ladder again.  “Pfft.” Gordon made a small audible laugh and took a sip of his own. “Interesting, though. Has he been along for the ride with you the whole time?”  “Pretty much. The other resistance members consider him great fun, and I’m inclined to agree. Plus, we don’t really have any tech-y people on our team, so, some help’s always appreciated!”  “That really was never your strong suit, was it? It took me like, what, a year or two? To convince you to get a cellphone?” Gordon had to put down the beer to fully articulate his sentence, but it was quickly swiped back up once he finished.  “And I still couldn’t work it out! I’m just not a technology person, you should hear this too, Alyx!” Barney pointed back up to her, who was using some sort of pen-like device to sort out glowing wires.  “Look,” Alyx looked down, smiling. “All I’m saying is that a cell phone isn’t that hard to use!” “And yet, I still ain’t gettin’ one.” Barney folded his arms and comically pouted.   “It’s a fool's game, Alyx. He’s been like this as long as I’ve known him.” Gordon had to stop himself from snickering.  “And done!!” Alyx slipped the pen device back into her pocket and grinned. “If we run another test, we should be able to get communications online!”  “Finally!” Russell exclaimed. “Right, get down from there, ‘cause I’ve not put a pillow beneath you and my arms are getting tired.” “Right, right.” Alyx climbed her way back down and landed with both feet on the wooden floors of this room. Then, she extended a hand to Barney and Gordon. “Can I try some?” “What? Beer?” Barney looked a bit puzzled. Gordon, however, snickered again and passed her a bottle.   “You’ll hate it, Alyx. Try some.” He signed, smiling with anticipation as she put the top of the bottle to her mouth.  “PTOOH!” She spat out whatever she almost drank, coughing a bit afterwards. “Augh! What the hell are you two drinking, it tastes like piss!” “Nonsense! Elixir of the Gods, this stuff!” Barney raised up his bottle in a cheers motion, clinking it with Gordons before they both took swigs, set them down and laughed.  “Do I need to get you two checked?!” Alyx exclaimed, turning and expressing bafflement to Russell. “Are they okay?”“Hey, I’m on your side here, Alyx. Never liked the taste of beer myself.” He assured.“Oh thank god-” “Was more of a cider guy, actually!” Alyx threw her hands up, almost in a distressed shrug. “Let’s just get communications back on!” “Ooh!” Russell’s attention was then caught. “Yes, absolutely!” The two wandered back to the panel at the other side of the room, full of buttons and switches and keyboards that probably even Gordon couldn’t make heads or tails out of. Just above it were some large screens, seemingly robbed from Combine posts and modified, buffering some sort of action.  “HEY. WANNA. KNOW. A. TERRIBLE. FACT.” Gordons speakers asked, startling everyone in the room.  “Must be terrible if you’re using that voice. Go ahead.” Alyx entertained the offer as she clicked a few things, checking back up at the screen every couple of seconds.  
“THE. SPINNING. CIRCLES. ON. LOADING. SCREENS. ARE. CALLED. THROBBERS.”
 “You’re kiddin’ me.” Barney looked to Gordon, mouth agape.  
“NOPE.”
 “Unfortunately, he is right,” Russell confirmed, holding in laughter. “Throbbers. Who came up with that? Honestly, the maniacs…” 
“I. THINK. IT. IS. GENIUS.”
 “Of course you do, you weirdo!” Barney laughed out loud, pointing at Gordon with his beer. “Sup up, already!” 
“SUP. UP. GOD. IT. HAS. BEEN. TWENTY. YEARS. HASN’T. IT.”
 “Feels just as weird sayin’ it again!” Barney downed the last of his beer with Gordon, the two chucking together when they finished. Just as that occurred, the screen blinked into life, showing all kinds of tabs and bars and location markers.  Communication was up. White Forest could be contacted. “Holy- We’re up!! Hah, Alyx! We’re up!!” Russell high-fived her, fists pumping with triumph.  “Knew it was the satellite wires! Let’s contact White Forest!” Alyx tapped away at the board again, some other interesting-looking windows coming up on the monitors, all being interacted with and moved about. Gordon and Barney set aside their empty glasses and wandered over, hoping to be right on cam when the connection finally went through.  Immediately, the audio section of the communications comes through.  “We’re getting something! Deeper Woods is finally online! Hello? Hello?” Kleiner's unmistakable voice rang out.  “Is that you, Isaac?” Russell asked, pressing a button to presumably turn on the mic. “Cameras are still loading, give us a second!” “Ohhh, Russell! Delightful to hear from you, finally! ELI!!” He called, a bit further away from the mic. “DEEPER WOODS IS ONLINE!” A few moments of rough silence. Then, just as a new voice came on the comms, the video feed finally appeared.  Kleiner, as ecstatic as could be, appeared on the screen. A few familiar faces in the background too, namely Eli Vance.  “Camera feed’s up! How is everyone over there?” Russell asked, giving a small wave.  “All in shape on this end! Did Gordon and Alyx make it over okay?”  “See for yourself! She’s the reason we even managed this, if I’m honest.” Russell scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile, patting Alyx on the back with the other hand.  “Turns out some satellite wires were faulty!” Alyx said. “Had to rely on this guy to prop up a ladder to fix it.” “And I did a fine job!” Russell played mock-offended.  “Didja now?” Barney laughed at that, folding his arms.  “And Barney, good to see you in high spirits!” Kleiner adjusted his glasses. “Did you manage to set up the base okay?”  “Few rough sleeps, few miscommunications, but nothin’ that could kill us!” “Very good! That is wonderful to hear!” Kleiner was about to turn around to fetch Eli when a familiar-looking headcrab clambered onto the desk, right in front of what the video feed was capturing, and proceeded to scare the shit out of Barney.  “GAAGH!!” He nearly jumped back, instead just half stumbling. “Kleiner, you still HAVE that thing?!” “Hm?” Kleiner turned back around, only for his eyes to light up. “Oh, Lamarr! I was wondering where you had gotten off to!” 
“He is never getting rid of her. Depending on lifespan, she might outlive us.”
 “Don’t say that Gordon! You might jinx it!” Barney walked back up to the main desk, catching his breath.  “Well, she’ll outlive you. You’re like, forty now. I might still last longer.” Gordon then signed, a bit of a shit-eating grin on his face. “Don’t you flex your weird ageless state on me! My hairline still hasn’t given up on me yet, I’ve got time!” “Tick-tock, Barney.” Alyx jumped in with a smirk.  “NOT YOU TOO!”  As Gordon and Alyx laughed, a familiar figure came onto the background of the White Forest feed, tapping Eli on the shoulder and appearing to ask him something. Eli was replying back with a casual demeanour, though the audio was basically refusing to pick either of them up.  “Hey, hey, hold on…” Barney cut the jokes short to lean toward the screen, trying to get a better look. “Who’s this fella?” “Oh?” Kleiner’s attention was brought away from his pet, he glanced back at Eli. “Oh, Adrian!” “Adrian?” Barney asked.  “Adrian.” Gordon signed to reply, discontented. That got the idea across pretty quickly.  The Adrian in question, on what looked to be Kleiner’s instruction, wandered up towards the screen and gave a wave. Now that his picture was a little bit clearer, Barney gathered why Gordon was so pissed.  “Wait, HECU?!” He whispered to Gordon, eyes wide. Gordon only replied with a nod. “And they let him in?!” “Shh!” Alyx shushed them both. “Let him talk!” “You guys made it!” Adrian smiled, sitting down in a stray chair and shuffling up. “Was wondering where you two went, Magnusson updated me though.” “You’re working with him?” Alyx raised a brow. “You do not seem the type to listen to him.” “I’m mainly there for Uriah, I’ll be honest. He’s a lot of fun.” Adrian admitted, scratching his nose. “But he also seems to tolerate me more and I’d rather keep him in a decent mood than subject any of you to a bad one.” “Rather selfless.” Russell joked, before turning to a real question. “I didn’t know White Forest gained a new recruit though.” “Ah, right, some of you won’t know me!” Adrian apologised, shuffling again in his seat to have a more broad presence. “Corporal Adrian Shephard, I’ve been here a week or two?” “You guys remember how Ravenholm went down in rubble randomly one night? When we sent a team over, he was all we could pull out of it.” Alyx’s explanation was only met with suspicious looks from the two who actually experienced the HECU. “C’mon, don’t look like that!” “It’s fine, I expected this reaction.” Adrian’s jokey comment came across a little sad. “But she’s right. Either way, I’m here now. Uh, who am I talking to, by the way? Nervous hat guy and blue guy with a receding hairline, I don’t know those two.”“HEY!!” Barney felt around his head in a panic. “I’ve still got mine!” “Blue guy is Barney Calhoun, one of our former undercover agents. One of Gordon’s best friends, as well.” Alyx laughed, gesturing towards him as she explained.  “And I’m Russell! One of the resistance’s best hackers!” Russell waved, a lot more receptive to Adrian’s presence than the others. “Worked with Alyx when she was younger, good friends with a lot of the people on your end too! Lovely to meet’cha, Corporal!” “Lovely to meet you too!” Adrian gave a casual salute with two fingers, which Russell returned.  Kleiner eventually returned to the desk after Lamarr had distracted him, the head crab in his arms as he sat beside the Corporal.  “Eli was thinking of sending him over as well, but Doctor Magnusson and I have elected to keep an…ahem…eye on him.” Kleiner adjusted his glasses during that sentence, Lamarr wriggling about and interrupting.  “Not that I need it. I’ve been good.” Adrian chuckled, playing with Lamarr next to him by using his hand like a cat toy. “Honest!” “Seems we have one fan of the Headcrab!” Alyx noted with a smile. “You’re the first person other than Kleiner to really get along with Lamarr!” “Oh, she hates me!” Adrian admitted as Lamarr made some oddly threatening noises at him. “Probably got the right idea, honestly. Least she’s fun!” A few concerning markers appeared on a separate tab on the monitors, drawing Russell’s attention.  “Hang on.” He rushed to the board of buttons and tapped away. “We might need to cut this short, think we’ve got a problem.” Everyone’s attention was piqued, they all turned to the left side of the monitor to see what the issue was. “Shit…” Barney folded his arms at what they were seeing.  “A small combine group!” Alyx tensed up. “Do we think we can take them?” “Hold on, what was that?” Adrian’s monitor feed came back on. “You got issues over there?”  “We’re fine.” Gordon signed with a bit of a scowl on his face.  “No no, Barney’s getting that shotgun, you’re not fine. Russell, get headsets on them, let me connect directly!” He insisted, reconnecting a few of the buttons on his end despite the protests of both scientist and Headcrab.  Russell, willing to see where the hell this went, gathered a few earpieces from the side and handed them over to Barney, Alyx and Gordon. Alyx wore hers with no hesitation, Barney had to take a second to fit his in, and Gordon didn’t look pleased at all.  “Can you hear me better?” Adrian’s voice came over their earpieces, much clearer. Alyx gave him a thumbs up. “You’re all through. Whatever you’re planning, we don’t have time to argue. We should go and sort this out.” Alyx took out her own pistol and took the lead, marching out of the door at the back. Barney and Gordon both followed with their own arsenals, hesitation on both their faces.  Gordon eventually slipped on his headset, seeing no reason to argue when Combine were just down the road.  “Good.” He heard from Adrian. “Gordon’s got his on. Russell, pass me the location feed, will you?” A few moments later, his voice piped up again, a hum of satisfaction. “Alright. This is a small group, and I’ve heard the three of you are talented in action! Time to put it to the test! I will be taking command because, seriously, I’m the only one with the qualifications! So, better listen up!” Gordon huffed, wondering if he really was going to have a glorified drill instructor in his ear for this entire mission.  “On my location feed, I’m getting three groups. One to the left, one in the middle, one to the right. They are ALL on higher ground, behind your building, about twenty feet off. I will be nicknaming these, in order, Alpha, Bravo and Charlie!” Adrians voice began to grow a bit into that typical drill instructor tone, but none of them could lie: It was effective at getting info across. “Barney, you handle Alpha!” “Gotcha…” “Alyx, you’ll be handling Bravo!” “Yes sir!” Man, Alyx was really for this army instructor-type speak. “Gordon, you’ll be taking on Charlie!” Gordon nodded, hoping Adrian would get the message.  “NOW!!” Adrian’s voice rose in volume and power. “Stay quiet, we will be aiming to get the jump on our enemy! From the first bullet shot, whoever’s that will be, start fighting properly! You WILL finish this, you WILL come back alive and you WILL have secured our location! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” Only Alyx again responded with anything resembling ‘Yes sir’, but Adrian didn’t mind.  “Alright! MOVE OUT!”  
A month or so ago. 
 
The first sense to awaken in Adrian was smell.
 
He could smell something foul. It wasn’t rotten, nor was it decayed, but it wasn’t by any means a good smell. Something between a morning fish market and burning flesh, perhaps. 
 
The second was touch, tactile sense. They felt that he was on a bench of some kind, with a blanket and an old pillow carrying his weight above it. The blanket was plush, but the pillow felt somewhat beyond its day. Nothing he wasn’t used to though. After the life he’s lived, he could sleep anywhere. 
 
Then, his eyes opened. 
 
Where…was this? 
 
“You awake, boy?” A harsh, but kind-sounding Slavic voice finally kicked the rest of Adrian's senses into gear. “You look a wreck.”
 
Adrian shot up and swivelled around, hands looking for anything to defend himself with. 
 
“Woah, easy, easy!” The voice tried to calm him. The origin of this voice was a messy, old-looking priest with a shotgun strapped to his back and a knife in his hand. He looked at the knife, quickly realised how he looked, and laid it on a counter. “I mean no harm! Well, to you.”
 
“Who the hell are you!?” Adrian spat out, shuffling back on the bench. 
 
“…I am the man that pulled your body from a field and nursed you back to health. Anything else, or can I get back to cooking?” He gestured to…whatever the hell was on that counter and stove. It looked like a cooking setup, but whatever he was cooking didn’t look like traditional food.
 
“…A name,” Adrian muttered, looking right into his eyes. “What’s your name?”
 
“Father Grigori. Priest and Shepherd. Most recently, cook, eh? No need to tell me your name, by the way. You military types make it easy to identify you.” Grigori tapped nearby, indicating to Adrian his dog tags laid out on the table. “Though, I have not seen military for decades, nevermind American. Could not imagine how confused I was when I find American military boy nearly dead in a field, hounded by lost souls!”
 
“Where’s the rest of my shit?”
 
“Lots of questions from you, I see. That is good, should always be asking. You are a smart one. I did not touch your things, no worries. Left them across room-“
 
Adrian nearly leapt off the bench and dashed over the second he spotted his possessions, but stumbled about halfway and fell over due to a sudden pain striking across his body. 
 
“AGH!!” He felt across his body to look for the source and found himself in a green tank top, with a whole host of bandages dashed across his body underneath. 
 
“I said I nursed you back to health, did I not?” Grigori piped up again, smiling to himself. “Did not say you were in top condition.”
 
The bandages across him were in pretty good condition, well-wrapped and structured. This priest clearly knew what he was doing. Adrian looked back up and observed him quietly as he wandered over to what to be a rack of…god, were those Headcrabs? He had a row of these little freaks? 
 
Wait…if he wrapped these…Did he?
 
It was probably best not to bring it up. That might put him in danger. 
 
More so since he was now watching the priest take an injection sample from one of the headcrabs and inject it right into the side of his neck. Adrian flinched a bit at that. 
 
“Hm? You look troubled, what is the matter?”
 
“Didn’t…the nuke clear that whole mess up?” Adrian didn’t know if he was asking Grigori or himself. “With the headcrabs, I mean.”
 
“The nuke?” Grigori repeated, then burst into laughter. “Oh, the Black Mesa nuke? What rock have you been living under, boy?”
 
“Actually, it was an Osprey-“
 
“That nuke, trust me I heard about it, it was only the beginning of the problems!” Grigori tossed the syringe he had just used aside and rested back on the counter. “About twenty years ago now, I think it was?”
 
Wait. Twenty?
 
Twenty?
 
Adrian’s head slowly turned to face him, as the expression on his own developed horrifying realisation. 
 
“You…you said twenty?” His breath shortened when he asked, he felt a weight grow on his chest. “Are you sure?”
 
“…You look pale, boy.” Grigori turned, concern now the first thing showing on his face. 
 
“You’re joking right?? It’s- It’s not been twenty years, has it?! What- what have I missed?! What have I-“
 
Grigori had seen something like this before. 
 
Ravenholm, his old base of operations, was quiet. Isolated. Just him and his flock. 
 
It didn’t mean that people didn’t occasionally pass through, though. Some brave souls, and some even braver would make it back out. He’d hear stories from those people, for all they had to hang onto was hope. 
 
He heard of a man, a source of light and power, who had returned in the planet's hour of need after twenty years. This man hadn’t aged a day, as if eternal to the cause. 
 
That man had even passed through, utilising everything at his disposal to make and break through the beloved remains of the town. 
 
If one man could fall out of the sky and strike fear into enemies' hearts, why not a second? 
 
This might be the second. 
 
“…You missed a lot, boy. I can’t imagine this is easy for you to learn.” Grigori looked aside, eyelids low. “Get your bearings, for now. I will recall what I can once your mind is sound. I fear the Lord cannot protect you from the madness my tales may strike.”
 
Adrian’s eyes cast down to the floor, wide. Pained. Shocked. 
 
“I’ve forgotten mostly about the Lord.” He eventually admitted. “I can’t guarantee you’ll like my thoughts on Him.”
 
“What matters not are your thoughts on Him. You will be able to tell Him those in due time, believe me.“ Grigori chuckled, turning back to his food. “You want to eat?”
 
“What the hell is that?” Adrian adjusted his eyes, trying to work it out. 
 
“More Headcrab! Honestly, my life these days, it’s all sleep, pray, shoot, Headcrab! Does me good though, I think. I may have finally worked out how to develop immunity to the things!” He explained, gesturing all around this little workshop. Now that Adrian got a better look, this was…a room in an asylum?
 
Yeah, that made sense. They both were nuts. 
 
“I’m not eating those things.” Adrian said, bluntly looking between the priest and his…’meal’. 
 
“You are lucky we have vegan option!” Grigori laughed again, picking up a lone carrot and essentially chucking it at his head. Adrian caught it with surprising reflexes for his condition and took a strong bite out of it. “Wow. Good catch.”
 
“More where that came from.” Adrian winked back, holding up the item in a ‘cheers’ motion. “Shit, wait…how long was I out?”
 
“Couple days, perhaps? Old man like me, I find it hard to tell the time. But you were gone a while.” 
 
“Damn…okay, is there a bathroom close to here?”
 
“Not a functioning one!” Grigori’s laugh was quite loud and a bit self-congratulatory. “Just a room to the right, though.”
 
“Good, all I need is a mirror.” Adrian finally stood up and wandered over to his stuff, lifting up the rather tough-looking military vest. From it, he pulled out a small container of unknown substance, since the label had been scraped off. Then, he held out a hand. “You wouldn’t have a clean syringe, would you?”
 
“You’re in luck - I’ve got one spare!” Girgori tossed the syringe into Adrian’s hand. “What for?”
 
“Medication.” Was all Adrian said before he turned and walked out. 
 
The corridor Adrian came to wasn’t pretty. He had gathered the general state of affairs of the building just by the fact a priest was cooking up aliens in one of the rooms, but the true damage to it…
 
Jesus. 
 
The walls, a sickly pale yellow, were mismatched only by the blood of all colours caked across it. Bodies of men, of Vorts, of zombies and of crabs, strewn about. Blown apart, the remains of their flesh dragging down the wall, leaving a messy trail behind them. 
 
Some of the marks were dragged handprints, as if someone clambering to escape. Others were simply the imprints shotgun wounds had made against the walls and windows. You could tell by the shape. 
 
…You could tell that these were dead men by the shape. 
 
Adrian, like many times before, held back the urge to throw up as he pushed open the doors to this supposed bathroom. 
 
Just a dinky men’s bathroom. Broken urinals. Blood across the two stalls. A sole sink with a mirror above in the back. Not too far off from the usual thing. 
 
He trudged through the room, stepping over a dead body as he went, and landed before the filth-covered mirror. Again, this was textbook for this sort of place. Adrian was almost getting flashbacks to boot camp. 
 
The small container was left at the rim of the sink as he snuck a gap in the bandages on his upper left arm, fabric separated by two fingers. He lifted up the syringe with suspicion, before realising that it was indeed clean. A nice surprise, considering the rest of the place. 
 
Adrian drove the needle of it down into the lid of the container, taking out a small sample of solution. Then, as if trying to be quick about it, he injected it right into the gap of bandages in his arm. He sucked air through his teeth as the needle sank in, but it was only there for a moment. Steady breaths returned when he tossed the syringe aside. 
 
His heart felt three times lighter. Thank god. 
 
Take in a few moments in the mirror to process his situation, he could not, for shuffling could be heard just a few feet away from him. 
 
Shuffling, groaning, sounds of pain. Rotted shoes shuffling one step at a time toward him. 
 
There was something there. 
 
To his bottom left was a damaged water pipe, probably connecting the waters here together. It was slightly ajar, if you pulled hard enough, you could probably preen it out. 
 
That was his best bet.
 
Trying not to look at whatever shambling horror was gaining on him, he took a firm grip of the loose pipe with both of his hands, praying to god his training regimen would come in clutch. 
 
One pull. Two. Three-
 
He felt his body nearly tumble back as a loud clang accompanied the pipe being pulled out of place. Thankfully, a wall caught him, and he only sustained a small bang to the head upon impact. Nothing he couldn’t at least attempt to shake off. 
 
Turning around gave him a meeting with whatever had been sneaking up on him - a headcrab zombie. This proved that they were still around. That nuke, it hadn’t sorted shit. It also proved that the twenty years thing wasn’t a joke or some sort of hallucination. Because he could believe these things knocking around for two decades, more than anything else. 
 
One swing of the pipe was all it had to take though. His arms hauled the thing, he ignored the pain searing through them from his injuries, he took a fierce swing at the now beast before him.
 
He caught the headcrab in his swing, tearing it right off and smashing it against the wall, leaving only a meaty yellow paste that dripped down, ever so slowly. The figure fell just before his feet, drenched in blood. His face was wiped in forever terror. 
 
Adrian, still in a bit of a delirium, stuffed what he had into his pockets, before dragging both the pipe and the body back over to where Grigori rested. Neither item felt too heavy, but that might’ve been the adrenaline in his veins. 
 
When he stumbled back into the room, he tossed the blood-soaked pipe and the zombie in, letting them both slatter to the floor and gather Grigori’s attention. He swivelled around, fairly startled
 
“Father.” Adrian mumbled, wiping blood from his face. “I believe you. Tell me what happened.”
 
“My my…you may be useful yet, boy.” Was all the reply he got. 
  “Footman to 12 o’clock, Freeman!”  CLANG!!The combine soldier’s head made a nice ringing sound against Gordon’s crowbar; it took another meaty hit, but the guy eventually went down.  
“DONE.”
 “Great, two more at Charlie to go! Alyx, how’s it looking?” Adrian’s voice fizzled over the mic, loud and proud.  “Having a bit of trouble!” Alyx was tight behind a tree, getting peppered with bullets.  “Calhoun, Alyx needs backup at Bravo! You’re mostly free, so go!” “Got it.” Barney mumbled, swerving his shotgun’s aim and loading two footmen with lead. They both collapsed to the ground and he hurried over, picking up the ammo from their guns and dashing them over to Alyx.  “Calhoun’s passed me ammo, I’ll be okay!” Alyx piped up again, re-loading her pistol.  Bullets scorched the field, both in sound and in air. You could smell the burning lead inbetween the searing sounds of fire, it choked everything around it. That was just what they were all used to.  Gordon battered another soldier's brain in when that voice that kept barking orders once again grated his senses. “Freeman, get a gun off one of them. We can’t risk getting your stuff from the car, or god forbid inside. There’s an enemy about twenty feet to your 8 o’clock, use that as a start.” Adrian instructed, firm.  “GET. OFF. MY. CASE.” The voice in Gordon’s suit said back, and if it wasn’t for the automated sound, it would’ve almost been a growl. “I. CAN. HANDLE. THIS.” “GORDON, 3 O’CLOCK!”  Before he could process what they meant, Gordon was tackled to the ground by a combine. He let out an audible yell as he attempted to fight it off. The crowbar had been dropped a few inches to the right, so all he had were his fists.  First punch, Gordon felt the combine soldier groan.  Second punch, cracks formed in the mask.  Third punch, his teeth grated against each other.  “CALHOUN, VANCE, GET TO FREEMAN STAT! HE’S FIVE FEET FROM CHARLIE!” “Shit!” Alyx had finished with one when she heard this, effectively cleaning up her area, and so she hurried over to Gordon’s marked location.  Freeman was still fighting the soldier off, face marked with blood and bruises. Over and over, a brutal slap fight, they kept hitting.  BANG! “...?” Gordon’s head fell to the ground when the soldier stopped moving, a bullet expertly placed between its brow. When it fell, Alyx replaced its presence, her pistol aimed straight.  Thank fuck.  Barney ran over, dragging a few plasma rifles with him. “All okay?! I think we cleared ‘em!” “Affirmative,” Adrian confirmed, letting Barney and Alyx sigh in relief. “No more targets on the field. Well done.” “Oh thank GOD!” Alyx held a hand to her chest as she let all the breathing she was holding out, pistol lax on her side. “You okay, Gordon?” She asked, holding out her free hand to help him up.  “JUST. ABOUT.” The voice in his suit replied, before his hands did the job. “Stings like a bitch, though.”  “You look a mess.” Barney laughed nervously. “What is that, two black eyes?”  “Two for the price of one.” Gordon joked, laughing a bit through his signing. “...I’ll need to get back soon.”  “Still need to dispose the bodies, by the way. Don’t want anyone tracking us, do we?” Adrian piped up, audibly relieved himself.  “Dispose of the bodies?” Barney, while generally agreeing, was a little shocked by how casual that sounded. “You sound like a serial killer, Corporal!” “This isn’t a stealth mission, but it’ll become one if we leave a trail straight here. Besides…nice place, ain’t it? You don’t want combine on your front lawn!” 
“BARNEY. THAT. COMPARISON. SOUNDS. APT.”
 “Hey!!” Adrian yelled, defeated by the laughs of the others, “Oh, just get on with it!” “Once we’ve cleaned this up, I’ll take Gordon back to White Forest. He’s gotta be seen for those injuries.” Alyx sighed, patting Gordon on the back. 
“Agreed. This hurts SO much.”
 The sunset peaked through the trees, cascading down light on the usually dark woodlands. Deeper Woods was safe, thanks to three soldiers and their operation commander. As they laughed, gathering resources, weapons, taking any evidence off to the side, their mission was done. They could all rest easy.   
Some Years Before
 
“Jesus…” Danielle muttered as she wiped the scratches on Adrian's face with a sanitised cotton swab. “How long have you had that?”
 
“...month.” Adrian’s voice was quiet. Weak. Almost broken. 
 
“A month?!” Danielle nearly clasped her free hand over her mouth. “Fuck! Can we afford ER at the moment…”
 
“No, no, it’s…nothing to worry about. These’ll heal eventually.” Adrian glanced aside, staring at the custom rug on the floor, clearly worn down by the years. 
 
“Well, I’ll still worry!! What about your parents?” Dani asked, only to get a different glance aside. 
 
“They’re…not an option.” Adrian’s hands fidgeted, that response causing Dani’s expression to fall. 
 
“Fuck…I’m sorry. Was it because-”
 
“Yes. Yes it was. They still insist I’m their daughter, even when their son isn’t in the house anymore.” He couldn’t keep his voice fully together, but damnit, he tried. 
 
“Those fucking…god!” Dani stood up suddenly and hurried into the kitchen behind them. “I never liked your parents, you know! Those God-fearing types, they’re never good signs!”
 
“You always made that clear.”
 
“Kicking you out though, at what- How old are you now?” She asked, pouring something if sounds were anything to go by. 
 
“Fourteen.” Adrian’s voice remained small. 
 
“Fourteen! Kicking you out at fourteen because fuckin’ god or some other- AUGH!” Whatever she was pouring had been slammed onto the counter, before she quickly regained her composure and brought it into the living room. “I’m sorry I just…it’s all a bit distressing. Drink?”
 
“It’s not alcoholic is it?”
“What, no! Unless you want it to be!” She winked, only to have her cheer dropped by Adrian’s falling expression. “No, it’s soda. Drink up! Doubt you’ll be able to fall asleep tonight anyway.”  
Dani sighed, folding her arms and sitting on the couch next to him. She huffed a bit of hair out of her face and leaned back, ruminating on her thoughts. Mainly that an old church friend just rang asking for a place to stay, and she just found out he had been kicked out by his parents. 
 
Danielle Matri, was her name. They knew each other because their families went to the same church, so they were both forced to attend. Everyone knew Dani wasn’t the God type though, and at about seventeen, she fled. It was the talk of the town for a while, how Mr and Mrs Matri ‘really needed to reign their girl in’. They hadn’t talked much since, but kept each other's phone numbers for ‘super duper emergency contact’ as they called it. 
 
Dani was one of the first people Adrian came out to. She reacted really well, all things considered. So, after bouncing around school friends' places for a while, Adrian landed on trying to stay with her, at least for a little bit.
 
Danielle Matri, as little as he knew about her now, was someone he could still trust. 
 
She had changed, though. No doubt about that. Long, greasy hair dyed jet black adorned her head, blonde roots very slightly growing out at the top. She was drenched in piercings, from ears to brows to lips, one could even see a piercing on her tongue when she talked. 
 
Her clothes were the same black as her hair. Combat boots lined the door, the custom rug was a bat. The first thought anyone would put to their minds was ‘Mega Goth.’
 
Good for her, honestly. She looked good in it. 
 
“...You’ll be on this couch for a while, you know. I don’t have a spare room.” She admitted, voice guilty. 
 
“That’s fine.”
 
“...You might have to stay at some other friends' places too sometimes, if I’m out for a while.”
 
“That’s fine too.”
 
“Are you…” Dani glanced over, eyes wet. “Are you sure you wanna stay with me of all people?”
 
Adrian glanced back at her, hunched over, beanie tucked, covering nearly his entire face. 
 
“You’re the only option I have left.”
 
Dani looked back at the floor and wiped something from her face, then steeled her resolve and stood back up. 
 
“Let’s get you settled then. You might not be sleeping, but I at least want you comfy.” She hurried to an under-the-stairs cupboard and cracked it open, dragging out some old bedsheets and cushions. Tossing them over the couch, she gestured to them and sat back down. 
 
“That’s what I’m sleeping with?”
 
“Until I get some better ones for ya. It’s midnight, I’d shop but I’m not shopping at midnight with a drenched child, I’d look terrible!” 
 
That made Adrian laugh, which seemed to settle some of the anxiety in Dani’s heart. 
 
The rain pattered over the roof as Adrian took another look around the room. He noticed a wall of VHS tapes, his eyes lit up.
 
“What’re you lookin’ at kid? The tapes? They’re my boyfriends.” She pushed herself off the couch and wandered to the shelves. “He collects ‘em, and I keep ‘em here. All horror and action flicks. Any particular preference?”
 
“Uhhh…” Adrian considered his options for a second. “I need something terrible. You got any Friday films?”
 
“OH, DO I!” Dani pulled a bunch off the shelf, scattering them onto a soft chair next to her. “The sixth one is the best one, right?”
 
“RIGHT!” Adrian pointed back, excited. “Put it on! Put it on!”
 
Dani held up the tape with a mischievous grin, kneeling down by the TV and turning on the VHS player. It made its fizzes and clacks, before loading in the tape and whirring to life. 
 
Adrian tucked himself in with the blankets and Dani sat by his side, taking a sneaky sip of his soda when he wasn’t looking. 
 
“Hey!!”
 
“C’mon, watch the film!”
 
The tape rolled in, thankfully no rewinding needed to be done. 
 
Adrian took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly. 
 
This was fine, for a while. 
 
This was fine.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Making it back in one piece in the practically naked jeep was the easy part of all this, to Gordon Freeman. The hard part was facing someone who could treat your wounds.  Doctor Katz was that someone, and he was positively distressed.  “Gordon, honestly! You were never this reckless back at Black Mesa!” 
“Circumstances were different at Black Mesa.”
 “You should still be managing your own condition! Lord knows how much morphine that blasted suit has been pumping you…” Katz laid on a plaster, nice and neat over a significant cut on Gordon’s temple. “All I’ll advise is you should rest, but I doubt you’re going to listen to that…” Gordon stayed quiet, knowing what he said to be true. No use in admitting it.  Then, the door to the practice cracked open, a face peeking through.  “Michael?” Adrian’s voice piped up. “Am I interrupting?” “Oh?” Katz looked up from his inspection of Gordon's wounds. “Ah, Corporal! You’re fine, don’t worry!” “Cool, just need to take my medication. You got a syringe?” Adrian glanced around the room, looking for one himself.  “Left drawer, Corporal! I apologise, just sorting out Freeman here!” “I can see. You look great, by the way, Freeman.” Adrian chuckled as he wandered over to the drawers and pulled out a clean syringe. Taking the container of solution out of a back pocket, he sat on a nearby chair and readied his arm to self-inject.  Gordon looked over as best as he could, watching Adrian roll up the grey camo sleeve of his uniform (oddly tenderly?) and ready the syringe.  “You should be all done, Freeman. Just…if you can, rest for a short while? Any other knocks to your head are only going to do you worse!” Katz smiled awkwardly, only being satisfied when Gordon gave a small nod of assurance as he stood up. “And don’t forget you shouldn’t sleep for a while!” “Right. Got it.” Gordon lazily signed. Then, he looked back over at Adrian just as he was leaving.  “Damn…I’m nearly out.” He mumbled to himself, further intriguing Gordon.  “What’s that stuff?” He asked, door halfway held open.  “My medication,” Adrian answered without even looking over, leaving the syringe on the side and pocketing the substance. “Nothing more.” “Hm.” Gordon made a small agreeable sound and walked out, still gritting his teeth at the HECU’s presence at all.  “H-hey!” Adrian stood, quickly thanking Dr Katz before hurrying through the door after him. “You alright? You know, after…” “All fine. I’ve managed okay, so far, don’t see how it’s different now.” He signed with hesitance, barely looking at Adrian.  “You don’t seem the type to not take concussions seriously. They can fuck you up if you ain’t careful.” Adrian folded his arms as they walked, Gordon noticing that he accidentally left his sleeve rolled up. Why was he noticing that? 
“I still have shit to do, Shephard, I’m sure you do too-”
 “Actually, I don’t.” Adrian stated with a blank expression. “No lifting, no Magnusson testing, nothin’. I’m a free ‘murican man, baby!” He giggled as he pulled a dumb improvised pose. Gordon didn’t look impressed.  “Good for you.” Gordon mumbled and sped up his walking pace, completely forgetting that he was trying to outpace someone military-trained for probably half his goddamn life in walking. Adrian caught up pretty quickly. “Well, what’re you doing? I’m trying to make myself a bit more useful here, so I’d like some tips.” 
“Your sleeve’s still up, for one.”
 “Huh?” Adrian felt his arm, realising that was indeed the case. “Damn!” He fumbled it back down, not playing it off well at all. “You must forget that often.” Gordon waved casually to a passing resistance member walking the other way. “All the fuckin’ time.” Adrian admitted, folding his arms. “Used to call it ‘cold arm’ when I was a teenager.” “You’ve been taking that stuff since you were young?” Gordon, he didn’t know why, found himself slightly interested in what Adrian was talking about.  “Well, uh,” Adrian showed a little hesitation in his sentence. “Puberty thing. They found I needed that stuff when I was about fourteen, so…” It almost seemed haphazard, that explanation. Still, Gordon wasn’t one to pry, even on someone as suspicious as this. By all accounts, there was no reason to lie about something he was doing under the active supervision of one of their few doctors. That would quickly fuck someone over. “Sounds tough.” Gordon didn’t really know how to empathise with that, so he used one of his usual stock phrases.  “I’m more worried about what I’m gonna need to do when I run out. But, I am good at rationing, so we shouldn’t worry too much!” He flashed a smile, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Anyway, what’s your plan?” Gordon didn’t answer that question. He didn’t want to give any kind of answer to him. He just kept walking.  “You know…” Adrian began, seemingly not taking the hint. “I did a little scanning of satellite images Russell uploaded to our databases. Turns out there’s a sort of skip around here we can scavenge for supplies. I was thinking of checking it out, but I might need the car.” Gordon stopped in his tracks, nearly popping a vein. Goddamnit. He got the mission in one. 
“That…I’ll be handling that.”
 “Oh, man, seriously?” Adrian’s eyes lit up. “Can I still come along?” Gordon was about to say a very hefty NO to Adrian. Gordon needed his time from base, and he especially needed his time away from him. The thought that Adrian was HECU just kept coming back to him, stressing him out endlessly, filling his mind with memories of what, to him, was basically yesterday. He didn’t need that.  But Adrian said some words that immediately turned that decision around. “I can drive if you want. I was trained!” 
Oh my god, please drive that metal omen of death. Please.
  “You know…despite the alien shit everywhere, this is really pretty!” Adrian sighed out with a smile, one hand on the wheel and the other over the back of his own chair.  “Mhm.” Gordon nodded, a barely audible agreement coming from him.  The two were hot on the road, Gordon thanking every star he didn’t have to drive another vehicle. He could deal with this guy in exchange for that, and thankfully, he isn’t being particularly irritating. Maybe a bit too lax for everything going on, but Gordon wasn’t going to bring that up.  “I mean, seriously! Eastern Europe is pretty as hell! I knew a guy who had been placed here for something, can’t remember what, all the man did was talk about the scenery. Hah, I can’t blame him now!” Adrian chuckled, switching hands on the wheel. “It’s left here, right?” Gordon pointed to a slight left, nodding in that direction too.  “Got it.” Adrian fiddled with one of the controls and slowly turned the wheel left, carrying them up a small hill.  
“THESE. FORESTS. ARE. NICE. I’LL. ADMIT. THAT.” 
 “Admit?” Adrian glanced over, seeing Gordon silently looking out of his side. “Eh, you’re the closed-off type. I geddit.” “HARD. TO. LOOK. AT. THEM. WHEN. GETTING. SHOT. AT.” Gordon kept his eyes glued to the passing horizon. “MOMENTS. OF. PEACE. ARE. RARE. HERE.” “Well, take it in, Doctor. This’ll be a peaceful mission with any luck.” Adrian winked, and Gordon didn’t exacty know how to feel about that. “Not far now.” The car kept rolling, making it past this hill without any issue. It had to be said, Adrian was a damn good driver. Gordon even spotted him accidentally using a non-existent turn signal, and then slightly panicking when nothing happened.  It was…endearing.  “THIS. IS. THE. PLACE.” Gordon leant forward, getting a better look at the skip they had come to.  God, it looked like shit. Years of rust and rain had torn the metal sheet walls apart. This was not a place anyone in their right mind would go to for anything but to throw stuff away.  Luckily, Gordon and Adrian had left their right minds at the doors of Black Mesa. They could search this place easily.  “What’s the plan, then? I stay in the car, you go? Other way round? Both?” Adrian listed out all the options, looking over at Gordon for an answer. After all, this was HIS mission. Adrian just tagged along because Gordon couldn’t stand to drive.  “...Stay here. I’ll take a look.” Gordon signed, stepping out and walking around the front of the car to go in.  “Aye aye.” Adrian casually saluted with two fingers. “I’ll come in if I get worried, though, just warning ya!” Gordon made a sort of ‘Whatever’ gesture and walked in, disappearing behind the sheet metal. Not much else Adrian could do other than sit here and sit tight.  The sky overhead was a soft blue, only peppered with clouds and the occasional small distortion. You could hear trees from over the short distance rustling in the gentle winds that fell over the landscape. This was…idyllic.  Adrian smiled, breathing deeply. Sneaking a hand into his vest pocket, he pulled out his MP3 player and earphones. Gordon was going to be in there for a while, no doubt. So, Shephard had his ways to pass the time.  
Click…Click…click…
 Man, not much of the stuff he saved here fit the atmosphere. That was going to be a bummer. Probably the karma coming back to him for downloading a bunch of industrial techno and nu-metal as a teenager, though.  Ah, never mind. He turned a song on and leaned back, resting his feet on the steering wheel, crossed over. He slipped the earphones into each of his ears and closed his eyes, catching what little moment of peace he could get.  It wasn’t the first time he had done this, nor was it ever going to be the last.  
A month or so ago
 
“You look mighty stressed there, boy! Relax a bit, huh?” Grigori laughed, tone dripping with sarcasm, startling Adrian out of his comfy position. His legs came right off the table and his head raised high. 
 
“Ah, shit, must’ve…” The corporal scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Fell asleep, or something.”
 
“Good to be rested, true. We are making a move, though. I suggest you pack up and get ready quickly.” Grigori insisted, taking a small bag and hauling it over his shoulder. 
 
“Right, yep, I’m up.” Adrian stood up, looking around a bit for the rest of his things. “Where we heading?”
 
“Out and away!” Grigori called from the corridor. “On the road to Ravenholm!”
 
Adrian picked up a backpack the priest most likely left for him and started packing all the stuff. His testosterone, his mp3 player, the guns they’d found scavenging the asylum. Strapping the backpack on, he then wandered over to a shotgun leant against a newly empty table, along with a sling to carry it. Assembling it all on, he rushed to catch up with Grigori. 
 
“Ravenholm?” Adrian asked. “What’s that place?”
 
“My old preaching ground, Corporal. I was chased away from there time ago. It is due that I return.” He explained, holding a flashlight out to light the way. 
 
“Gonna assume that’s why I’m here. Bodyguard duty.” Adrian joked, folding his arms. 
 
“Hah, you are smart! Figured you would be good help in getting me there. I’m a man of God, but not as strong in delivering his message as I used to be.”
 
“Two men are better than one.”
 
“Indeed they are!” Grigori laughed again, leading the walk down a flight of stairs. “...Say, are you holding up with what I have told you?”
 
“About the combine…? I guess about as well as someone getting told about a planetary invasion and dictatorship could. Be glad I haven’t broken into hives, at least.” Adrian kept his eyes open for any remaining zombies or other such life, often turning around to check behind them. 
 
“You’re doing better than most, then! Quiet, boy, we’re nearing the exit.”
 
Adrian nodded, keeping a firm eye on their backs as they neared a backdoor fire escape. With one push of a bar, Grigori got them out. 
 
The night sky shined down upon them, dotted with many, many stars. The occasional warp in the visible air distorted their vision of it, but he could still appreciate it’s beauty. It was a long, long way from the city streets Adrian was used to. 
 
“...You don’t get much artificial light around here. We’re pretty rural.” He commented, not really expecting a response. 
 
“Quite north, as well. Keep an eye out, you may see a miracle in the sky.” Grigori gave a response anyway, glancing up, before turning back down and leading the charge. “Follow quick, I walk fast.”
 
“Ah!” Adrian was startled out of his stargazing, he had to run to catch up. “Sorry.”
 
“No apologies. Just follow me. We will be walking for a while.”
 
“How long exactly, you think?” Adrian asked, narrowly dodging walking into a tree as they entered a patch of forest. 
 
“I’ve checked some maps, but unfortunately they can be outdated. The longest we could be, though, is a month. Hopefully, I should be back home in a few weeks.” Grigori’s voice was quiet saying this, as if somewhat wistful.
 
“Back home, huh…” Adrian winced a little at that sentiment. 
 
“The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; The Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.” Grigori preached with a small smile. 
 
“That’s…Psalms 121, 7 and 8. Right?” Adrian asked, a little surprised he remembered it himself. 
 
“You know your verses, boy.” 
 
“Kind of had no choice.” The corporal admitted, laughing a little. “I was…” He stopped in the middle of his sentence, wondering what exactly he was going to say. “Around a lot of Christians. Can’t really help but learn.”
 
“Well, whether you know them or not, you understand the sentiment, yes? We will be protected, by the Lord and by ourselves. We can make such a journey.” 
 
“Comforting, somewhat.” Adrian lied. “Though again, I don’t really follow any god anymore.”
 
“Then focus less on The Lord and start focusing on the path!” Grigori laughed as Adrian’s distant-mindedness caused him to walk right into a tree. “For a soldier, your orientation skills aren’t good.”
 
“Argh…” The corporal wiped some shards of bark from his forehead and carried on, keeping his eyes on the straight ahead. “You can’t exactly blame me for being a little out of it.”
 
“Oh, not at all!” Grigori pointed left. “Funny to watch though.”
 
“So uncaring! You must’ve been a shit priest.” Adrian smirked.
 
“Not as shit as you are a soldier-”
 
“HELP!!”
 
The cry stopped them both in their tracks. Their heads looked all around, trying to find the source. 
 
“SOMEONE HELP US!!”
 
Their heads both swerved to the right. In between the brushes of trees, just far enough off, a small dwindling light source could be spotted. 
 
“Father, cover my back.” Adrian took the shotgun from his back and started walking. Grigori immediately understood, arming himself as well and following behind. 
 
Getting closer and closer to the source, they could begin to hear the now-familiar groans and cries of zombies. Quite a few of them, in fact. Whoever needed their help, it wasn’t unfounded. 
 
“ANYONE?!”
 
“STAY STILL!!” Adrian bellowed out, putting his full lungs to work. “I’LL KEEP THEM OCCUPIED!”
 
“Let God above save these wretched souls from their torment…” Grigori mumbled to himself. 
 
“Agreed.”
 
With one loud bang, the first had been blown to pieces by Adrian’s shotgun. 
 
The monster fell forward, half its occupied head blown off. It was as good as dead, but when it crawled up to Adrian’s leg in a last-ditch attempt of anything, a good crush by his boot finished the job. 
 
Grigori backed up, kicking to the floor another that tried to advance. He pressed his foot against the zombie’s chest and murmured a hym, before blowing the remains of its brains out over the grass beneath them. 
 
A third had to be taken on hand to hand, Adrian trading physical blow after physical blow with it. It seemed combat-trained, and if the uniform it was wearing was anything to go by, it was. When he got the zombie on the defensive, though, it slipped a grenade from out of its pocket and pulled the pin. 
 
“FRAG! GET THE FUCK DOWN!” Adrian screamed, wrestling the grenade out of the zombie's fingers and tossing it as far as his arms could physically throw, before pummeling the now-disarmed monster’s head in. 
 
Just as it fell, the explosion rang off, everyone thankfully already covering their ears. 
 
His fists wrapped in alien blood, he took the last zombie down with just one more shot to the head. It fell unceremoniously by the feet of the lives they just saved. 
 
Heaving a huge breath out, Adrian let himself fall backwards, hitting the grass next to it. 
 
“Whew…you two alright?” He turned his head to look at the terrified but thankful couple. 
 
Two young-looking people, maybe late twenties? They were a man and a woman, both dressed in warm coats and armbands, winter hats over their heads. The woman was on the floor, ankle wrapped in admittedly shoddy bandages, while the man looked to have an injured arm.
 
Two injured people, stuck in the woods, surrounded by lost souls. Thank god they could be found. 
 
“We’re…we’re fine!” The woman held a hand over her chest, a warm smile on her face. “Thank you so much!”
 
“Was no worry, miss.” Grigori walked up, dragging one of the less pummeled bodies along while trying to pull a headcrab off of it. “You two don’t look too fine.”

“You two look uniformed.” Adrian folded his arms. “Resistance?”
 
“Mhm.” The man nodded. “We…got stuck out of our way here. Combine raided our old base so, we ran.”
 
Adrian and Grigori glanced at each other, each making pained faces, before turning back. 
 
“No offence, but…” Adrian knelt down by the woman's leg. “This is some pretty shoddy first aid.”
 
“N-none taken.” The man stammered. “Can you help her?”
 
“I’ll do the best I can. Father?”
 
“Hm?” Grigori managed to finally rip off the headcrab, he was now stuffing it into his backpack. 
 
“You got my first aid kit?”
 
“Ah, right!” He tossed the dead crab aside and pulled out a small red pouch, throwing it over. Adrian caught it with ease and unfolded it, taking out the roll of bandages tucked within. 
 
“Can I ask what happened? With the leg, I mean.” Adrian looked up as he was slowly unwrapping the previous attempt at bandaging. 
 
“I…I don’t know exactly, I just tripped when I ran out of the base and when I got back up, I couldn’t put any kind of weight on it. I was dragging it for a bit before Major here found me.” The woman explained, wincing a little. 
 
“Hm…sprained or broken, could be either. The solution right now is the same, though, rest it. Father, you see any big sticks that could be used as a cane?” Adrian whipped his head around again, only to find Grigori on his second attempt at dead headcrab capture. 
 
“Woods is woods, boy! It’s mostly big sticks!”
 
“Man, what an uplifting guy.” Adrian chuckled, glancing around himself. He applied the new set of bandages, wrapping them up tightly, the woman’s foot in a position much more comfortable. “Stay put for now, we’ll find something. Major? Is that your name?” Adrian looked up to the man sitting by her.
 
“Don’t ask.” He laughed a little. 
 
“Your arm okay?” Adrian leant over, arms outstretched slightly with more bandage. 
 
“It…got hit by one of those guys.” Major glanced down to the bodies around them. “Nothing serious, though…”
 
“Still, we should get a look. Couldn’t roll up your sleeve, could you?” Adrian asked, and Major obliged.
 
Slowly pulling back the sleeve of his coat, the nature of the wound revealed itself. A nasty slash across his forearm, stained across the edges with blood. You could feel the pump of his veins through the skin, the body was working overtime. 
 
“Jesus…you put pressure on it?” Adrian looked up from his analysis. 
 
“As much as I could. That’s why it’s not actively spitting at us.” Major sighed, voice shaky due to the pain.
 
“Good job. I think there’s some sanitiser in there…” Adrian fiddled with the pouch again and pulled out a small bottle of sanitising alcohol. It took a minute to clean the wound and wrap it up, but once it was done, Major relaxed his arm and breathed easier, with relief. 
 
Then, Adrian was hit in the back by something thrown, followed by a laugh. 
 
“Argh! What?” He turned around, nursing his back shoulders with his hand. 
 
“Stick! I found one.” Grigori looked rather proud of himself. “First time you haven’t caught something I’ve tossed you, boy.”
 
Adrian glanced down, seeing that he indeed did toss a stick, one that looked suitable enough to be a temporary cane. He picked it up and held it out to the woman. 
 
“Well, what he said. We’ve found you something to walk with, uhhh…” Adrian realised he didn’t know her name. 
 
“Cheryl. My name is Cheryl.” She responded, taking the stick in her right hand and beginning to pull herself up, with tremendous effort. 
 
“Woah, woahwoahwoahwoah!” Major panicked a little, trying to help her up. “C’mon, steady now.”
 
Adrian shuffled to the other side and took her arm, nodding to the two to go. 
 
One, two, three-
 
Major and Adrian pulled Cheryl up by her arms, she was quick to put her cane’s end firmly on the ground and stand on her own. When she was up, she let out a huge and thankful breath. 
 
“Whew…” She relaxed, both arms on her stick. “I’m okay, I’m okay…”
 
“Should be, soon.” Adrian folded his arms, a small smile on his face. “Where you two headed?”
 
“Just away from north, for now. That’s where our base was invaded. Hopefully we’ll pass a resistance base on the way.” Major explained, leaning down and grabbing the torch they had dropped. 
 
“South then?” Grigori’s eyes lit. “We’re on the same path.”
 
“Really?” Cheryl tilted her head. “Where?”
 
“Ravenholm.” Adrian and Grigori said simultaneously, rather grim expressions on their faces. Cheryl and Major gained those expressions when they heard the name. 
 
“Seriously…?” Major looked worried. 
 
“I’ve got to return home.” Grigori said, not looking at them as he walked past. 
 
“And I’m just his bodyguard.” Adrian followed up and followed behind. “C’mon, South is this way. We’ll take care of any more zombies, just stick with us.”
 
“W-wait!” Cheryl called, causing the two to stop. “What are your names, first?”
 
“Hm?” Grigori turned, slinging the shotgun he held over his shoulders. “Father Grigori. Priest of Ravenholm.”
 
“Corporal Adrian Rachel Shephard. Former US Marine.” Adrian looked back to the south, his hands fiddling a bit. “That grenade wasn’t silent, by the way. We should get moving.”
 
The two nodded and followed, a bit slower but no one could blame them. When they caught up, Grigori took the lead while Adrian tagged on behind them, so they were protected either side. 
 
They wandered through the forest for a while, until the forest cleared. And then, they wandered over plains, until the plains cleared. On and on, they walked, for quite a few days. 
 
They were good companions too. Decent laughs, and interesting people, plus they had their talents. As it turned out, Major wasn’t an army major, his parents just named him that. Cheryl had wanted to be an actress when she was younger, but preferred stage tech by the time she was helping school performances when she was twelve. 
 
Adrian told them a bit too. Not much, but enough to supplement that. That he joined the army at eighteen, because of a ‘loss in the family’ as he put it. They looked sympathetic, which he appreciated. 
 
That little nugget let Grigori share some information too. 
 
“My original congregation is long, long gone.” He had said, looking rather sad. 
 
Adrian didn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the trip. 
 
Eventually, a couple days of travelling subsided, and they ran into a small cluster of rebels who were in the same situation as their companions. Some of them even recognised Major and Cheryl, teary-eyed that their friends returned to them alive.
 
“Oh Cheryl!!” A woman sobbed into Cheryl’s shoulder, clutching her in a hug like no other. “Thank god, thank god, thank god! I thought I’d lost you!”
 
“We’re fine, Monica, really!”
 
They had a medic in this little cluster, so their wounds could be more safely repaired. That put the two shepherds at significant ease. 
 
“This is where we split, unfortunately. I have my own path to take.” Grigori bowed slightly, causing Adrian to panic and do the same. “I will be praying for all of your safety.”
 
“Get that wound stitched, alright Major?” Adrian pointed. 
 
“Of course, Corporal!” Major chuckled, giving a salute. Adrian shared one back with two small fingers, before hauling up his bags. “Safe travels!”
 
“Affirmative! Safe travels!” 
 
“C’mon, boy. Ravenholm only gets closer!” Grigori set off, heading in a more southwest direction. As the rebels cheered and continued to wave them off, getting more and more distant, Adrian was reminded of one of the less present reasons he joined the army in his mind. 
 
To help. 
 
Quite frankly, the army didn’t actually do too much of that while he was there. Seems everyday there was a new enemy to fight, and yet no person to assist. 
 
Back in Black Mesa, though, he could help! He was guiding people out of the rubble, taking down immediate threats and arming people against distant ones, all in the face of contrary orders.
 
Here, he helped too. Two lives, made much easier by his help. 
 
It felt nice. 
 
“You look in the clouds, boy.” Grigori broke Adrian from his train of thought. “All okay?”
 
“Yeah, don’t worry…They were nice, weren’t they?”
 
“Splendid people! I’d have them over for dinner if I still had a table for it!” Grigori laughed quite loudly. “God will guide them well from here, there is only so much we can do.”
 
“When are we stopping to rest?” Adrian then asked, yawning a little. 
 
“Few hours yet, Don’t you get lazy on me, now!”
 
“Or what? You’ll be without an errand boy?” Adrian cackled. 
 
“The cheek of you! I’ll snap up to your sergeant if your mouth keeps running like that!”
 
The two laughed, quite a bit, as they trudged down the path they could only pray led them home. They had done some good, shepherded some souls to where they were destined to go. That’s all they needed to do, so they relaxed after a job well done. 
 
Later that night, resting on the grass near a makeshift campfire, Grigori started to struggle. 
 
He was breathing heavily, unnaturally, as cloth unfolded. 
 
The dead headcrab was pulled out of his rucksack, looking a little wilted. 
 
He took a syringe, sharp and shiny, stabbing it into the crabs dead flesh. 
 
Serum extracted. 
 
He then tugged on his collar, showing a particularly bruised part of his neck, oozing with substance unrecognisable. Skin discoloured in yellows and purples, blood visibly attempting to pump through it.
 
The needle neared the spot, his hands shaking. He never got used to this, no matter how much his mind was losing itself with it. 
 
One.
  
Two.
 
“ARGHH!” he yelled, injecting quickly before pulling his collar back over. He stifled his breath, the horrific pain in his neck requiring so, before he eventually relaxed and turned around. 
 
The boy’s still asleep. Good. It would be a shame to wake him with this nonsense.
 
Grigori shook the pain off, wondering why the hell he was still doing this. 
 
It made him immune to the headcrabs, yes, the little bastards. None of them were making a zombie out of him. But more and more, as he did it, he began to notice new traits appearing on his body. Skin changing colour. Blood in mixed varieties. Small protrudes in the backs of his hands
 
Nevertheless, he persisted. He still had more work to do. More souls to grant salvation. A boy to see to the end. He wasn’t meeting his God yet. 
 
He laid back on the grass and rested himself as best he could, falling asleep fairly quickly despite the pain. Maybe it put him out, he never could know. 
 
Just across the fire, was the resting body of Adrian Shephard. 
 
A man who, through the Marines, had learned to sleep anywhere. 
 
Yet, this was the one night he could not close his eyes. 
 
He heard the entire thing. 
 When was the best time to check on someone after they had left the car to go do something?  Ten minutes? No, no, way too soon. You’d seem clingy and unable to be alone.  Twenty? Maybe, but only if it was a short trip. This didn’t seem like one.  Thirty? Again, that’s short trip stuff, but significantly more reasonable.  An hour…? Adrian took out one of his earphones and looked at the small clock in the dash of the jeep. It had been about fifty minutes now. How long was Gordon taking to search this place? A small, swelling feeling of worry grew in his stomach. Was he okay? Should he check? He certainly wasn’t driving home without him. Better to check than not?  
Agh. What to do?
 Adrian huffed, pulling his feet off of the wheel and swivelling round, sitting up and placing them firm on the dirt below. He put away his music player and earphones, tucking them into a pocket in his vest, and out of another, he slipped out a packet of cigarettes and a light.  Placing a cig in his mouth, he flicked the lighter once. Twice. The third time is when it gained a flame and he could light his smoke.  The cigarette's contents slowly floated into the air as he slipped the lighter and pack away, hunching over for a second, giving the cig a minute to ease his worries, as much as they could.  Alright.  Adrian stood up, stretching his back a little. Man, was he getting old? His back already hurt.  He took a shotgun out from the back of the jeep (the jeep had a small cubby now, sealed with a door, which was installed at vehement request of Gordon. When asked to elaborate, he only mentioned ‘that fucking gnome’ before disappearing) and slung it over his back, then checking the handguns in his belt, making sure they were all okay.  His pistol looked fine. So did the revolver.  Let’s go check on him.  He trudged over to the scrapyard, sleeves rolled far up due to the chill in the air. He had his usual army uniform on, just without the mask and helmet. The mask was attached to his leg, just in case of some kind of gas or radiation.  Plus…he couldn’t really let go of it.  The scrapyard itself, well…it was a scrapyard. Full of trash. Really, it was hard to expect anything else.  Scanning his eyes up and down, he made his way through the different piles of random, random stuff, thinking of all sorts of different ways of how it ended up here. Small bench, the shell of a car, torn up posters from yesteryear, a lot of water cans that didn’t really look like they contained water anymore. Man, were these not the places that kept giving?  “GORDON?” Adrian eventually yelled out, hands cupped across his mouth to extend the range. “BEEN AN HOUR, YOU OKAY?” Silence. I mean, he wasn’t exactly expecting a response. But it was a necessary thing to call when looking for someone, kind of the standard.  “FREEEMAAAAN?” He tried again, putting a bit more oomph into his voice. Channelling a bit more of the drill instructor. “GUY THAT EXPLODED A CASSEROLE ACCORDING TO MAGNUSSON??” Yeah, still nothing. Figures.  He kept searching, deciding to just shut up since a response wasn’t really in the cards. Unless he wanted to keep his ears peeled for a quiet robotic voice out in this skip. He wasn’t doing that. There were a few things in this scrapyard that Adrian liked the look of, so he took them with him.  Few old power cables, tossed away earrings, et cetera. Stuff that he might need and could realistically fit into that little cubby back in the car.  As he turned a corner, though, a sight he couldn’t imagine startled him. He heard a familiar sound, the readying of a pistol, his head turned around to face it. His hands raised, just in case.  Gordon Freeman. Holding a pistol. Covered in sweat, tears and terror. The pistol was pointed diagonally to the floor, but it looked like he had just pulled it down. His breath was all over the place, his glasses foggy, the poor man was shaking. “G…Gordon?” Adrian’s voice addressed him calmly, voice quiet, yet admittedly it wavered slightly. “You look terrified.” Gordon stumbled over himself a bit, fumbling with a few vocal sounds before dropping the gun and screaming.  “GAAAAAAGH!!” It was a horrified shriek, something that chilled Adrian to his bones. Then, Gordon started hammering on the button of his neck with his fist.  
“YOU. SCARED. ME. WHAT. THE. FUCK.”
 “Shit, Gordon, I’m sorry-” 
“WHY. ARE. YOU. EVEN. HERE.”
 “...Gordon?” Adrian raised a brow and lowered his hands. “I drove you here, remember? You practically begged me-” 
“H.E.C.U. WHY. ARE. YOU. HERE.”
 Shit. That’s what this was about. Some sort of episode. 
“YOU. SHOT. MY. FRIENDS. YOU. SHOT. MY. COWORKERS. WHY.”
 Adrian didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know a thing he could say that could help the man in front of him. If anything, the accusations were getting him a little pissed off.  “You think I did anything of the sort?” Adrian steeled his resolve as best he could and asked Gordon calmly. “Freeman, I-” “THAT. UNIFORM. I. KEEP. SEEING. IT. IN. THE. CORNER. OF. MY. EYE.” Gordon’s hands kept clenching and unclenching, seeking some sort of relief from the pressure. “I. AM. STILL. SCARED.” “Freeman, please, I was out cold for half of it! I didn’t do shit!” 
“YOUR. FRIENDS. DID. AND. THEY. WORE. THE. SAME. CLOTHES.”
 “These are my only goddamn clothes right now!! You think I like wearing this?!” Adrian started to feel himself sweat.  “THIS. SUIT. IS. ALL. I. HAVE. THIS. AND. A. LABCOAT. I. KEPT. SEEING. DRENCHED. IN. BLOOD.” Gordon kept smacking at the button on the neck, it was hard to tell whether he wanted it to continue or if he wanted it to shut up. “AT. YOUR. MENS. ORDERS.” “I NEVER GOT MY FUCKING ORDERS!!!” Adrian couldn’t help it anymore, he began to yell. “That's precisely why so many at White Forest are alive! I never got those stupid, bastard orders! The man who was treating you this morning, I SAVED HIS GODDAMN LIFE!” 
“WHOOP-DEE-DO. SOME. LIVED. THAT. IS. SO. HELPFUL. FOR. YOUR CONSCIENCE.”
 “Whoop-dee-do?!” Adrian looked astounded, and Gordon almost looked shocked himself that it went out. “IT WASN’T SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS FOR ME EITHER! I SHOT MY OWN MEN FOR MICHAEL! I STILL THINK ABOUT IT!!” “TOO. LOUD. TOO. LOUD. PLEASE. SHUT. UP- Major stress increase detected.”  The mechanical voice interrupted him as he clasped his hands over his ears, falling to his knees and basically shutting down.  Shit.  Adrian’s voice was loud, no doubt about it. To command men on a battlefield, you had to be louder than cannon shots and air strikes. Adrian had forgotten how much he could stress it out, as Freeman knelt about five feet in front of him, quietly sobbing.  “Gordon- shit, Gordon I’m sorry, I-” Adrian stopped mid sentence, realising quickly that saying anything right now was not going to help. Too many times had he been in this position himself, unable to wrangle out his thoughts, people talking around him only complicating matters further.  He should sit this one through, quietly.  Adrian slowly sat down on the floor opposite, crossing his legs and waiting. He waited as Gordon cried and cried and cried.  Gordon needed to cry.  His mind was racing with all sorts. The splatters of his friends now mutilated bodies, the shadows of HECU passing by him as he scurried through vents, their goddamn voices crackling over announcements. The blood, the shadows, the voices, the pressure. The utter unyielding pressure.  He thought of that scene from A Clockwork Orange, for a moment. Eyes pried open, forced to watch something again and again and again.  He heaved out a sob, his chest crackling. It was quiet, finally, so it was allowed to.  Eventually, Gordon’s mind cleared up enough that he could bear to look at his surroundings again. The fog in his mind faded, the panic only a background ordeal. Tears still stained his cheeks, the frames of his glasses were aching against his temples. It still hurt to exist right now, but he had to. He just had to. “ADRIAN.” The voice on his suit spoke up. “ARE. YOU. THERE.” “Mhm.” Adrian nodded, not making eye contact. He was doing pretty well with this, all things considered. “What?” “...SPEAK. PLEASE.” Gordon asked, feeling as though he did not deserve his request to be honoured. “I. NEED. TO. FOCUS. ON. SOMETHING.” “Really? Uh, alright, then. Any topic in particular?”  “ANYTHING. I. JUST. NEED. A. DISTRACTION.” Gordon looked aside. “EVEN. IF. SOMEONE. LIKE. YOU. IS. MAKING. IT” “Hm…” Adrian put his hand on his chin, thinking hard. “Alright then. Long ramble, but I can talk about music for ages. You’ve probably noticed by now, but I brought a little MP3 player with me. Has a ton of the music I like on it, I was gonna show Alyx it at some point, but I’ve never found the opportunity, you know?” Gordon nodded, encouraging him to keep talking. And keep talking he did.  Seriously, Adrian went on for a solid hour about such things as the history of nu-metal and why it’s ‘definitely metal’ and that anyone who says otherwise ‘probably hasn’t washed their hair in five years’ but that it also ‘shouldn’t be the only genre you listen to’. Man, Gordon did not know that metal music fans were this intense. Adrian told some stories about being in concert pits and nearly losing teeth, or some fifty-something guy at a local show he went to that had his EYE pop out.  Gordon was thankful his music taste led him toward industrial Austrian techno and not whatever ‘Extreme Noise Terror’ was.  “Should also listen to Napalm Death though, they’re really good. I feel like they’d still be performing through hell or high water. The apocalypse wouldn’t stop them. Gordon, I bet you, I don’t know, a lap around all of White Forest, Napalm Death is somehow still performing.” Adrian was a little out of breath at this point, but he was so excited to talk that he didn’t really notice. “But for the record, System of a Down will forever be king. You feeling any better by the way?” “YOU. LIKE. METAL. A. LOT.” Gordon gently placed his finger on the button of his neck rather than smacking it, which was a good sign.  “I do! And I’m proud of it! If only that jeep could play stuff from my MP3 player, I’d be a much happier man.” Adrian leant back, arms carrying his weight on the floor, legs stretched out. The rosary he constantly kept across his neck beat across his chest as he leant back, making a small rattling sound against his vest.  “THAT. ROSARY.” Gordon narrowed his eyes. “ARE. YOU. RELIGIOUS.” “Me?” Adrian pointed to himself. “God, no. Complete opposite. This rosary…it’s a keepsake.” Gordon decided not to ask anymore questions about it. Adrian looked quite sad about the topic, and after what just happened, the last thing they needed was another mood dampener.  
“FAIR. ENOUGH.”
 “Are you religious?” Adrian then asked, tilting his head.  “I’m a scientist.” Gordon finally had the strength to sign. That was good. “Of course I’m not.” “Well, I mean, Darwin was a Christian, wasn’t he? And his whole theory put his religion into question.” Adrians feet were fidgeting, boots rocking left and right, clacking against each other. “But eh, I guess my question had an obvious answer.” Gordon let out a small exhale of the nose, feeling himself relax more. Good, good, they might be able to get home before sunset at this rate.  “Hey, uh…” Adrian then spoke up again, leaning forward, the rosary now dangling. “Slap me if this is a bad question, but, I’m curious…How’d you get through the whole not speaking thing?” 
“That’s another drink tonight.”
 “What?”  “I take a shot everytime someone asks me about being mute.” Gordon snickered as he signed. “I…I was diagnosed as autistic pretty young. It’s why I had that meltdown earlier as well. Stuff just…surrounded me, I guess.” “Autism?” Adrian tucked his legs in. “Fair, fair. Can’t be easy.” “Never is. But I manage. My lecturers at uni were surprisingly accommodating, as was Black Mesa. That was probably because of my friendship with Kleiner, though.” Gordon explained, signing running a mile a minute. “I just…It’s been getting worse again, lately, and…you…had to be there when it all crashed.” “You did seem alright when you got out the car, though…did you see something?” Adrian fiddled with his hands, slightly nervous. Gordon gained a grim look, then signed, keeping his eyes open and aware of his surroundings. His breath tucked in, as if he was anticipating something. He looked hesitant to even mention this, but after what just happened, something in him felt obliged. 
“I saw an old friend again. A suited man and his briefcase. I never like seeing him.” 
 And as if Gordon would be reprimanded for talking of such a thing, he got up and wandered around a corner, footsteps quick.  Adrian sat, still as a board, pupils small and terrified.  A suited man and his briefcase.  Visions of the osprey, of the fall afterwards, of everything and everyone inbetween, flooded him all at once.  
Fuck. 
 The car ride back was a quiet, and, admittedly, slightly awkward one. They had scared each other, screamed at each other, got weirdly emotional for a second and then they were driving home in silence.  Nothing Adrian wasn’t used to, unfortunately.  He lit up another cig with one hand, driving with the other. The smoke rose into the air, flying away quickly. The smell wasn’t unbearable, but Gordon could admit he wasn’t used to it.  Adrian’s presence was…odd, now. Not bad anymore. Just odd.  He handled that whole…affair…earlier quite well. Too many times had people restrained him or yelled at him, caused even more panic in an already distressing moment. People would eventually learn, yes, but not without a lot of work.  Adrian was one of the few people to immediately just…sit down. Quiet down. Let him ride it out.  That changed Gordon’s view on him, even if just a bit.  Gordon’s eyes landed back on the cigarette in Adrian’s mouth, the smoke petering from it being immediately blown away by the wind passing them by. The way Adrian’s mouth held it, Gordon was about to punch himself for staring.  …He was too curious.  “WHY. DO. YOU. SMOKE.” Gordon asked, eyes meekly glancing over.  “Because I’m an idiot.” Adrian responded plainly, eyes still straight ahead. That answer made Gordon laugh a little. Good.  
“GENUINE. ANSWER. ADRIAN.”
 “That is my genuine answer! I was sixteen and an idiot! Weren’t you?” 
“I. WAS. GETTING. SCHOLARSHIP. OFFERINGS. AT. SIXTEEN.”
 “Oh okay! Mr Bragman!” Adrian complained loudly, without a serious bone in his body. “Gordon Bragman- fuck, that doesn’t work.” “YOU. HAVE. A. WAY. WITH. WORDS.” Gordon had a shit-eating grin on his face.  “You don’t have a way with much else!” Adrian fired back, making a small turn. Both of them knew that wasn’t much of a response.  “BY. THE. WAY.” Gordon looked over to the cubby behind them, clattering with all sorts of guff. “WHAT. THE. HELL. DID. YOU. TAKE. FROM. THAT. SCRAPYARD.” “Oh, all sorts!” Adrian took the cig out of his mouth and blew smoke, then placed it back in. “Cables. Earrings. Dirty stuffed toys. Weight sets.” Gordon had a lot of questions now.  He decided to only ask one of them.  “WEIGHT. SETS. QUESTION. MARK.” Wait, it said question mark out loud? “DO. YOU. WORK. OUT. QUESTION. MARK.” Gordon was desperately trying to make the suit voice stop saying question mark.  “Do I work out?” Adrian repeated as if it was the dumbest question imaginable. “Uh, you’re in the presence of the resistance’s local gun show!” His free arm lifted up and flexed, hard. Then, he swapped arms, flexing the other one.  Yeah. Gordon could admit when a man was buff. Adrian was well-built. Stacked, even. Adrian had a good figure. He worked out often, and thus, he looked good because of it.  …Why did Gordon feel a little suffocated? The HECU in Adrian was starting to fade, and the man Gordon was beginning to know was replacing it.  Gordon wasn’t going to mention it. Hell, he wasn’t going to talk about that meltdown for a while. Not to him, or anyone.  Slowly, but surely, though, something could form.  HECU left a bitter taste in his mouth, but Adrian’s name, currently, was leaving that taste and becoming neutral.  Hell, maybe even sweet.  “Honestly, with the stuff you put yourself through, I think you should start working out too. Get your body out of a nerd shape, nerd.” Adrian grinned. Wait, was he talking the entire time? Gordon only caught that last sentence and especially that last word.  “NERD. REALLY.” Even the suit voice didn’t sound impressed.  “Uh, yes? What, is casserole funnier?” “DID. MAGNUSSON. TELL. YOU. THAT.” Gordon narrowed his eyes.  “Oh, he TOLD me!” Adrian cackled, unable to contain his volume. “Magnusson has some STRONG thoughts on you!” “THAT. GUY. ONLY. EVER. THINKS. STRONGLY.” Gordon brushed off, looking ahead. “DON’T. LISTEN. TO. HIM.” “Heh. reminds me of my old sarges. Assholes.” Adrian put out the smoke on a bar of the jeep and tucked the butt of the cig away.  
“GOD. I’M. GLAD. NO. ARMY. RECRUITERS. WENT. FOR. ME.” 
 “Really?” Adrian tilted his head again, a little smug. “Sucks to be you. The army had some good-lookin’ guys.” Adrian winked to the reverse mirror, clearly referring to himself. “Not just me, of course, although I was absolutely the best-” “ARE. YOU. SURE. THIS. IS. THE. WAY. BACK.” Gordon asked, pointing to the unfamiliar landscape ahead.  “...Fuck.” Adrian quickly realised this was the completely wrong way. “Hold on tight, Freeman, I’m doing a U-Turn.”  Without properly prepping him, Adrian swerved the steering wheel, letting the car almost drift into the opposite direction.  As startled as Gordon was at that, he was also impressed. Objectively, a good turn. Certainly, one he could never do.  Driving back toward the now familiar White Forest, he couldn’t exactly tell what Adrian was thinking. His eyes were focused again, straight ahead, not accidentally flicking any non-existent turn signals this time. Gordon missed that, a little.  Oh well. Hopefully, when they got back to White Forest, they’d never have to speak of this again.  Ever. Never ever.  …This was the denial stage, wasn’t it?  Many years ago. 
“Dani?” Adrian asked, tucking some loose strands underneath his cap. “Do I look alright?”
 
“Oh, you’ll be fine!” Danielle responded from upstairs. “Most of them will be looking at me and Lisa anyway!”
 
“When’s he getting here, actually?” 
 
“Soon! He messaged me earlier, so…” Dani’s footsteps could be heard dropping down, further and further across the staircase, until she stopped at the bottom and presented her outfit. She looked…holy shit. 
 
Her hair was up, frizzy, in two big messes of pigtails, pure goth puff. Her makeup matched well, pale white base with heavy black eyes and red contacts, black lipstick below. What looked like hundreds of necklaces, chains and altered rosaries adorned her neck and wrists, making sure she was heard wherever she went.
 
 A pair of the combat boots by the door were missing, instead right on her feet. Platforms, too. To complete, the big black dress she wore gave little to the imagination in the chest area, yet anything below was covered under a layer of frills and fabric. Tattoos peaked out over her shoulders. 
 
Adrian, to be frank, was stunned. 
 
“How do I look?” She asked, gesturing to the grand outfit. 
 
“...You didn’t have to make me feel so bad!” Adrian spluttered out, amazed. 
 
“Oh, come on! You’re a man, you could wear pyjamas to this and get applauded!” Dani walked past him, to the kitchen. “Want a drink?”
 
“W-what’s there?”
 
“Well, we have…uhhh…Coke, pepsi, cider, vodka, other spirits…” Dani listed with an awfully casual tone. 
 
“Were those last three alcohol?” Adrian got a little nervous. 
 
“Well, yeah? Big event, you might as well have some. Though if you don’t, that’s fine…” Dani folded her arms after fetching two glasses from a cupboard. 
 
“Well…” Adrian shuffled over to the kitchen, hunched over to hide his chest. “Which is the nicest one?”
 
“Someone like you should probably start with cider, it’s pretty fruity.” Dani explained with a raised hand. Then, she looked down at Adrian. “Oh, don’t look at me like that! Like I’m gonna call the police on you if you ask for something, you know, I’d rather you have it here while I’m able to watch you rather than, I don’t know, in the desert with a TOOL fan.”
 
“...Was that personal experience talking?” Adrian smirked, to which Danielle shrugged awkwardly.
 
“Caught! Heh…”
 
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
 “Hm?” Adrian turned, startled.  
“Ah, speak of the devil, that must be Lisa.” Dani swivelled on her heel and hurried to the door, unlocking a few different locks before cracking it open. “Hello?”
 
“DANI!” A rough, but light voice greeted her on the other side. Adrian watched from the kitchen as the two figures hugged each other tight. “Ohhh, good to see you!!

“Took your goddamn time!” Dani chastised him playfully. “Got a whole new resident in the time you spent with your band!”
 
“Right! Where is the little man?” The guest pulled away, glancing around the house. 
 
“Kitchen. He’s a little flighty, though, don’t scare the poor bastard!”
 
“I’ll try! Can’t promise though, I’m just so cool and intimidating that I scare people anyway!” Lisa bragged, only for Dani to let out a loud laugh. He wandered into the kitchen, adjusting a pin in his jacket, only to spot Adrian and hurry over. “You must be the man of the hour!” 
 “You’re…Lisa?” Adrian tilted his head, keeping his figure low and unthreatening.  “Jesus, you told me the kid‘s one gust of wind away from snapping, I thought you were exaggerating!” Lisa looked back at Dani with a small chuckle. “That’s me, kiddo. I’ve heard to the ends of the earth about you!” 
Lisa, the man in question, was kneeling down, since his height made talking to Adrian a bit of a chore. His denim jacket was adorned with pin after pin after pin, full of bands and shows and movies and other such things Adrian hadn’t even heard of. 
 
His blond, greasy hair was in a high and messy ponytail, split and frayed as if he trimmed it himself with a pair of Home Depot scissors. It looked bleached as well if the brown roots were anything to go by. 
 
He had a few piercings, like his girlfriend, the most visible being his stretched earlobes. Chains attached to his grey camo pants made jingles across the room, it was easy to hear him coming as well. 
 
Adrian had heard a bit of talk about Lisa, and this was about the picture he put together in his head. Though the name confused him a bit, Dani eventually told him that Lisa was his drag/stage name that everyone started calling him for sake of ease. Apparently, his actual name was Gabriel.
 
He held out a firm hand, offering a handshake. 
 
Adrian took it, with only slight hesitance. 
 
“Nice to meet you…”
 
“Lovely to meet’cha, kid! You look great, by the way. The hat’s nice!” He pointed up to the backwards black cap Adrian was wearing, freshly washed with a few badges and pins sticking out of it. Most of them referencing old movies. “Dani and I are gonna be upstairs, doing my makeup. She keeps my outfits for me.”
 
“And your movies. I’ve watched a few of them.” Adrian fiddled with his hands, anxious. 
 
“Seriously? Man, the youth are getting educated. You’re doing a good job, Lisa!” 
 
“Babe, you’re twenty-five. Why are you talking about the youth?” Dani gritted her teeth in an awkward smile. “We are the youth.”
 
“Speak for yourself, my back’s already going!” Lisa turned and looked up at Dani, unimpressed. Then, his attention turned to the glasses. “Ooh, drinks?”
 
“Yes, drinks. Adrian, you still haven’t answered my question.” Dani looked over, smiling with folded arms. “I can getcha anything you want, so don’t worry about askin’. What’cha need?”
 
“Uhm…” Adrian looked at the glasses, rocking the options in his head. “...A cider?”
 
“OHH!” Lisa pumped his fist and stood back up. “Kid’s got taste! We won!” 
 
“You two drink like thirteen-year-olds.” Dani smiled, opening the refrigerator and taking out two cans. 
 
She poured them up and served them to each willing participant. Lisa swung the whole thing, while Adrian was taking small sips. To each their own. 
 
“Hey, all I ask, be finished with that before we leave, alright?” Lisa patted Adrian on the shoulder, before wandering back to the stairs. “Now, I need my makeup on.”
 
“Right!” Dani snapped her fingers, sipping her own drink of vodka and lemonade before hurrying to follow. “Come up if you want, Adrian, I’m just sorting him out!”
 
Adrian looked down at the carpet through the door, thinking to himself. 
 
This…was nice. 
 Well, the cider, wasn’t, obviously. It tasted like ass. But the trust and the care that these two placed in him, it was sweeter than any fizzy drink. It felt oddly freeing, to be assured that he could do what he wanted as long as he was safe. So different, this house. This house was endlessly different to the one before.  
A much better kind of different.
 
Adrian nodded to himself and hurried to follow, scurrying upstairs like an excited animal. Lisa was already sitting at his girlfriend's vanity, lights across it all on, he was applying the base paint of white while Dani struggled to get the wig and dress out of the closet in the back.
 
“Honestly, I need a separate closet for this stuff!” Dani yelled across the room. “This is your house too, you should organise your shit better!” The comment was made in jest as she placed the items on the double bed, adorned in black silk. 
 
“That’s showbiz, sweetie!” Lisa called back as he patted on white facepaint. His eyes glanced over to spot Adrian in the doorway. “There you are, little man! C’mon, siddown, you look stressed enough to pop a blood vessel!”
 
Adrian nodded, finding his seat and remaining quiet. “S-sorry…”
 
“Uh- don’t apologise! God, what kid did you pull in, Dani?” Lisa looked back over to his girlfriend, who sat on the bed with her drink in one hand and leg in the other. 
 
“He’s a Shephard. You know them, right?” Dani sipped her drink. 
 
“FUCK, SERIOUSLY?” Lisa’s head whipped back around. “She’s…not joking, right?” 
 
Adrian shook his head. 
 
“Wow! Kid- I am SO sorry!”
 
“Now look who’s apologising.” Dani smirked. 
 
“Oh- You know this is different!” Lisa huffed out, finishing his base layer. “Seriously, though, good you got outta there, kid. Can only imagine what shit they put in your head…”
 
“Well…you want an example? You’re a drag queen, right?” Adrian asked, taking a light sip. 
 “Mhm! Was it that obvious?” Lisa outstretched his hands either side, grinning with half lidded eyes and a snarky smile.  
“Well, my mom told me what you do is an act of Satanic worship. Not that I ever believed her.”
 
Dani and Lisa both snickered, the latter’s suspicions confirmed. 
 
“God, those types. Again, be glad you got outta there.” Lisa started applying black shaded contour lines across his face. “That whole church was a circus house of nutjobs.”
 “You’re telling me.” Dani looked aside, one of the other victims of that church’s followers. “Anyway, don’t we only have twenty minutes?” 
…
 
Fuck.

“Fuck.” Lisa stared at his reflection. “Babe, help me.” 
 Dani nodded and hurried over, picking up seemingly random makeup utensils and contributing. Adrian couldn’t really work out what was going on, but it was a rush.  After about five minutes of panic makeup and dressage, Lisa was in full costume.  
A big black, sequin adorned shapely dress, huge blonde wig with black highlights, makeup like a KISS frontman. A good descriptor of Lisa’s drag was ‘Goth Dolly Parton’. 
 
“Right, we’re off!” Lisa was first down the stairs, surprisingly agile for such a form fitting outfit. Adrian hurried on behind, closest to the door, with Dani tailing the back. 
 
“Fuck, is it raining?” Dani asked, hearing the pattering outside, “Again?!”
 
“Rain twice in a month in Arizona. You’d think the devil himself was on this town!” Lisa responded in a much more flamboyant, showbiz voice. “Now out the door, c’mon!!” 
 
Adrian didn’t have the time to grab his coat, Nor did Dani. Guess it would be a run for it in the rain. 
 
Oh well. 
 
Three…
 
Two…
 
One…
 
GO!
 
The three rushed out the door, shielding their heads from the rain, running in a desperate dash towards the bar. 
 
They disappeared over the horizon, yelling and complaining along the way. 
 
A few long, talented hours later, Lisa’s show was well and done. Thank god. 
 
They piled into the door, covered in rain, sweat, alcohol (only two of them) and dollar bills. 
 
Adrian was in first, stumbling right onto the couch, luckily only a few metres from the door. He didn’t even bother to change into any nightclothes, he just tumbled right into the duvet. 
 
“Jesus, wiped out huh?” Dani asked, pulling a very drunk Lisa in by the arm. “C’mon, you, you need some water!”
 
“I- I don’t need shit! Well, I might need you…”
 
“Hah, not now! You need water and sleep!” Dani pulled Lisa up the stairs by the arm, the two laughing all the way. Dollar bills seeped from both their outfits and trickled down the stairs. Man, they got a lot of tips today. Should be enough to see them through for a while. 
 
Adrian kept hearing the two bicker with joy and friendliness upstairs, the words were muffled but the intent was not. It was a nice thing to hear, instead of the arguments of parents or friends' parents, or whoever else. To hear a couple squabble in jest with light voices and no violence was something nice. Something different.
 Eventually, some hours ticked by, and the noise quietened down. The house lights went off. The mood was still.  
Adrian, despite the atmosphere, couldn’t sleep much. Old habits died hard, he guessed. 
 From up above, he heard tip-toeing footsteps. One, two, three, four, creaking across the upstairs landing.  
Then, they crept down the stairs. One after another, a few seconds inbetween each step. Once they reached the bottom, the figure taking the steps sighed heavily. 
 
“Thank god…”
 
It was Dani. 
 
She scurried over to the kitchen, eyes locked on the ‘sleeping’ Adrian as she went. 
 
A few shuffles. The sound of a drawer opening. Swearing. That’s what could be heard. 
 
“Goddamnit…was this spoon always broken? Whatever, this stuff was expensive…”
 
The sound of a lighter flickering. Then, it went on. Silence, for a bit. Then something was haphazardly thrown back into a drawer. 
 
Dani readied herself for something, Adrian couldn’t tell what. She sucked in hair between her teeth, letting it seep out in a sound not unlike air being let out of a balloon, over a few seconds.
 
“Fuck…” She sighed out in relief, clattering whatever object she pulled out back into the drawer. Then, she stumbled back to the stairs, not paying much attention to Adrian this time. 
 Up, up, up the stairs she climbed. Creak, creak, creak, went the floorboards above.  
And then, it stopped. 
 
Adrian’s eyes were open again, startled. Slightly afraid.
 He heard the entire thing.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Last piece set down. A long, flat bench with cushions taped to it, with a bar and weight up above.  Finally. This took…WAY longer than he thought.  A small, makeshift gym had been set up with both parts from the scrapyard and around White Forest. Somewhere to train, even if haphazardly.  This small-ish room had been sectored off as Adrian’s, mainly because he wanted a gym established, and a cubby for a bed was available here too. Kind of a bunk bed setup, since you had to climb up to reach the newly placed mattress, but he didn’t mind.  The point was, this was somewhere Adrian could train. Leg day was back on.  “Hey, Corporal?” Someone stepped through the doorway behind him, and when he turned around, he found it to be Alyx. “All wrapped up here?” “Yep!” Adrian wiped sweat from his forehead, grinning wide. “Oof, can you smoke indoors around here? I need one.” “Geez, at least open a window.” Alyx laughed, wandering to a small row of square windows on the opposite wall and cracking them open. “Gordon’s been saying he can smell them from across the base.” “Has he now?” Adrian smirked. “Hope the smell is burned into his senses. Maybe he’ll finally start getting along with me.” He moved over to the bench he just placed down and sat on it, legs wide and back hunched. Out of the pocket of his camo pants, he slipped out his lighter and cigarette pack.  “Where’d you even get those? They’re from before the war, right?” Alyx wandered to him, arms folded.  “These?” He held the pack up with a raised brow. Alyx nodded. “Snuck them into the Black Mesa incident, along with my medication and my mp3 player. My favourite kind.” “You snuck that kind of stuff around the army?” “Alyx, I was sneaking the fact I liked men around the army.” Adrian lit the cig in his mouth with a grin, relaxing and breathing out when it sparked. “A few cig packs and a music player were nothing.” “You…had to sneak that around? Ah, sorry, I know it’s a lot of questions-“ Alyx started to apologise, only for Adrian to raise a hand.  “No, no, ask away. I don’t mind talking about it.”  “Really? Uh, thanks! There’s just, only so many people who were around before the war and I’ve already exhausted them out.” Alyx pulled up one of the nearby stools and sat, hands clasped on her legs, which were on their toes with anticipation. “I’m glad to learn even just a bit more.”  “Well, Jesus, you’re about to learn. World sucks now, but back then wasn’t much better.” Adrian sighed out, smoke pouring from his mouth. “See, the United States Military had this thing, this policy, ‘Don't ask, Don’t tell’. It meant gay people, or bisexuals in my case, could only serve if they were closeted and didn’t do anything about it. Not that it stopped any of us.” “That…what was the point?” Alyx looked genuinely confused. “You think I know? Hah!” Smoke puffed out a little when he laughed. “All I recall from that time was how many guys were shacking up in hushed voices rather than loud ones…and how many were asking me in particular.” “Popular guy, huh?” “Always have been.” Adrian leaned back, lying down on the bench, cigarette upright in his mouth. “I have a LOT of stories from the Marines, even though I was only there for like four years. Any takers?” “Uhm…” Alyx held a finger to her chin, thinking. “Oh! Nicknames! You guys tended to have really odd nicknames right?” “Yeeuup. How’d you know?” “Older resistance member I know, he’s in Deeper Woods. Served for about ten years? He doesn’t answer too many questions about it, though.” Alyx explained, foot tapping on the floor.  “I don’t blame him a bit.” “But anyway, nicknames! Did anyone you know have a really good one?” Alyx then leaned forward, smiling. Adrian took a drag of this cigarette and took it out of his mouth for a second, letting the smoke roll out.  “I have quite a few, but a lot of them are nasty, so don’t say I didn’t warn you. Hm…” he thought to himself for a minute, finger tapping on his own chest. “Well, I remember during Bootcamp, I knew this one guy who messed up REAL BAD with a firearm. Broke the thing, if I’m correct. Drill Sarge got RIGHT in his face, nose to nose, and screamed ‘DICKFINGERS, YOU FUCK UP EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!!’” Alyx burst into laughter, holding her stomach with one arm and a hand over her mouth with the other.  “Dickfingers?!” “Yep. We called him dick the rest of camp, poor fuck.” Adrian laughed along with her, though much lighter. “Think there was another guy in that Bootcamp, his last name was Love. After he messed up and forced us to do a run every five AM for a week, we started calling him Private Hate.” “Wow. You guys were assholes!” Alyx giggled. “It was Bootcamp, everyone in Bootcamp is legally an asshole! Like you have to be!” Adrian gestured his point with loud hands. “There was also a guy called pissjug, I’lllet you fill in the blanks of that story.” “Kleiner was right, the Marines are insane…” “Truest thing he’s said!” Adrian howled with laughter, sitting back up and letting himself cackle for a bit. “Aaaah, god. It sucked ass, but I do miss it. Sort of a Stockholm syndrome-type relationship, I guess.” “…Yeah, I don’t think I was missing much.” Alyx scratched the back of her neck, eyes glanced aside. “Nooo, you weren’t.” Adrian’s shoulders relaxed as he puffed out another gust of smoke.  “Hey…” Her attention then turned again. “Did you have a nickname?” Adrian stopped in his tracks, as if he was dreading this question.  “Well…yes, yes I did.” “What was it?” Alyx had a sly grin on her face.  “I’m not telling you.” “Oh, c’mon!” “Why would I tell you that?” Adrian shot that grin right back. “Never expose your weakness to the enemy!”  “Oh, it’s REALLY embarrassing, isn’t it?” Alyx started snickering in her sentence.  “Yes, that’s why I’m not telling you.” “C’mon, Corporal! You can’t just say all that and then clam up here! Besides, can't be worse than pissjug, can it?” Alyx held her arms out in a shrug. “Oooh, yes it can.” Adrian kept his eyes locked ahead, no eye contact with his conversation partner. “Yes, it absolutely can.” “C’mooooon~” Alyx kept grinning. “If I tell you a story about Black Mesa will you drop this topic?” Alyx went silent. Sat up. She’s interested. “Uh…if you’re willing to share-“ “I am MORE than willing to share. I have had a lot to think about with Black Mesa, I might want someone to bounce those thoughts off of.” Adrian’s head turned, cig right between his teeth.  “…Go ahead. The floor’s yours.” Alex gestured a hand out before placing both on her knees, waiting intently.  “Alright…I was long away from the others at Black Mesa, so you probably won’t have heard about anything I’m gonna say…hmm…where do I start…”  
Black Mesa Incident. Day 2?
 Explosions still rang outside. The cigarette smoke hung in the air, clouding the room. Or perhaps that was his mind. He could hear his heart in his chest.  Adrian’s eyes were wide.  His boots tapped on the floor, matching the sparks of damaged wires in another room. He wasn’t consciously doing so, something in his brain was just trying to make sense, a rhythm perhaps, of what the room sounded like.  “Alright…” He huffed to himself, finishing the cigarette and taking it out of his mouth. Dropping it to the floor and stubbing it on the ground wasn’t the most environmentally friendly option, but… Adrian looked behind his head to a caved-in wall about ten meters away, with live wires dangling from the ceiling.  A stubbed cigarette wasn’t the worst damage this place was enduring.  He hauled himself back up, hands on knees to push. Re-equipping his shotgun, he hauled ass down the nearby corridor and kept himself moving.  Black Mesa was a maze. Even without the invasion crashing the place down all around him, it was a nightmare to navigate. Adrian found himself asking what certain maps meant at certain points, as well as whether he’d be able to keep his men away from the surviving scientists.  After all, something told him he was one of the last people here. Something told him that no one was coming for him.  It was gruelling, this place. The atmosphere almost weighed down the entire facility, as if he could feel it sink further into the ground with each soul lost here. Or maybe that was his heart. He climbed up some old tower that had fallen through the roof, huffing and puffing due to the weight of the world dizzying him. About three new guns under his belt, a pounding feeling in his chest.  “CORPORAL SHEPHARD?!” A voice called out, a loud one. Adrian’s eyes lit up as he scampered up to find the source.  “A-AFFIRMATIVE!” “Shephard!” A medic, a familiar one, was a welcome sight. “What the hell were you doing down there?!” “Shit, Private Aimes!” Shephard smiled wide, arms out even wider. “You’re alive!” Aimes pulled him in for a hug, patting his back and laughing out loud. “Barely! We heard your whole team went down, what the hell happened?!” “Oh god, that’s a story…” Adrian eventually pulled away, taking off his mask once he had. “How’ve you been getting on?” Private Samuel Aimes, one of their medics, and a very good friend of Shephard. Being in and out of the medical office for Adrian’s ‘medication’ meant he needed someone to cover his ass. What he had explained initially was perfectly on board, that he had a diagnosed deficiency and needed to take testosterone for it, but eventually, someone was going to ask questions.  That’s where Sam Aimes came in.  During Adrian’s many doctor visits, he was often there, and thus they would chat endlessly. Never were they on the same orders or in the same section, but the medical offices are where their paths crossed on the Santiago base.  In fact, the HECU training was the first time they were ever officially in the same unit. Those days were fun, neither of them could lie. Aimes didn’t know fully about Adrian, of course, but he got a feeling for his secrecy about things. So, he’d always take him and help him out, the legend.  “Awgh, Christ Corporal, you don’t know the half of it. I was with a small squad, you know, Mage and Summers and all of them, but I got separated ‘bout half an hour ago. I’ve…just been waitin’ for ‘em here.” Aimes looked more than a little defeated, that half-hearted smile said it all. “Better to stay put and be found.” “Well. You’ve been found.” Adrian pointed to himself with his thumb, then patted Aimes on the shoulder. “We’ll be okay, I’ve done pretty well so far, so safe bets are with me.” “I knew you were a fighter, but…Jesus. Jesus, Adrian, you look a state!” Sam fussed a little, opening one of his satchels full of supplies. “At least let me clean you up!” “Agh, fine. You won’t shut up if I refuse, I imagine?”  “Definitely not!” Sam laughed, breaking out a small syringe and injecting it into the health port of the HECU vest. “That should keep you kicking, at least. You got a plan?” “I’ve just been moving through the facility, making sure people get out,” Adrian explained, quite vaguely. He wasn’t about to tell Aimes that orders were (to him) off and he had killed fellow marines who threatened the civilians here in a hurry. “Been kind of bullshitting it up to now, honestly.” “Well, your bullshit kept you breathing, I’m inclined to follow. Lead the way, bullshitter.” Samuel weakly joked. “God, you asshole Aimes!” Adrian slipped his mask back on and looked around for any way forward. A small door caught his eye and he hurried over to it, his friend in tow. “Lemme check for anything behind this.” “Affirmative, Corporal.” Adrian snuck across the doorframe and tapped the door with the end of his gun, yelling and backing up when it swung to reveal an activated turret.  “BACK UP! BACK UP!” The turret spat out a flurry of automated bullets, causing the duo to cower and cover their ears. It stopped, after a small duration, and returned to just searching. Adrian had dealt with a number of things by now, though. Taking a small grenade out of one of his satchels and pulling the pin, he knew what to do.  “GRENADE!” He screamed, volleying the thing right into the corridor and scurrying back to the corner. The explosion rang out loud, the turret was spat out through the doors, crashing to the ground nearby. It fired around for a second in a panic, before dying entirely.  Aimes raised to his feet, hand on his chest. “Fuck…” His shock mumbled. “C-Corporal, confirm status!” “Right as rain, Aimes!” Adrian stood back up too, wandering to the now blast-covered frame. “Looks clear, we’re moving forward!” He dove into the corridor, tucking right behind a corner as Aimes followed.  Right past the corner, from what Adrian could see here, there was some sort of delivery warehouse. A road leading in, cardboard boxes strewn across the place, a jeep in the back, the works. However, the sounds of footsteps caused the two to halt their breaths and any words they wanted to say. Then, voices came from the area. “Can you imagine the grunts couldn’t take care of something like this?” One of them said. “Why do we always have to clean up after those guys…” Another said, sounding dejected.  “Hey, lighten up a notch. We’ve got a good thing going here!” “I guess…just…all the killing gets tiring after a while.”  As they spoke, black suits barely visible around the corner, Adrian looked up and spotted a mine laid out for anyone who would try to walk through here. Blue laser and all.  “Aimes, stay low. Trip mine at head level above us. We’re sneaking in.” He whispered, making a hand movement that indicated to follow. Adrian went low to the ground and started crawling, Aimes not far behind, trying to get the sneak on the people in here.  Adrian had a feeling they weren’t going to play nice, not after what he was ordered to do earlier.  They got pretty far, all things considered. Taking one movement at a time, they shuffled across the floors and managed to tuck behind a bunch of boxes, keeping a close eye on the movements of the operatives here.  Then, staying silent, Adrian made a few gestures to Aimes.  ‘POST. BEHIND. TRUCK. ON. LEFT.’  Aimes traded an ‘AFFIRMATIVE’ back and crawled over to the truck, hauling himself up and resting behind it.  ‘PREPARE. FOR. COMBAT.’ Was Adrian’s next instruction, Aimes following by unholstering his pistol. Shephard himself readied his SMG, raising his head slightly above the boxes to get a better look at the area.  Two operatives across the room. One walking between the truck and the middle. Three in the back. Adrian relayed this information to Aimes once again through gestures.  “Huh? The fuck was that?” 
Shit.
 Adrian dove behind his cover, cursing himself for whatever he did that alerted his location.  
Click. Throw. 
 A grenade clattered just a meter or so away from him, bouncing across the floor. Adrian sucked in his breath, grabbing it and tossing it back over the boxes, cowering below once he was done.  “FRAG! GET DOWN!” 
BOOM!
 A loud explosion rang out, alerting the entire room. When Adrian poked his head back up, ears still ringing, he could see that he got two of them from across the room. The amount of blood was enough to verify that.  “WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!”Stealth plans out the window, shit. Adrian huffed and aimed up his machine gun, searching for the other operatives in the room. He could see Aimes head for the other side, pistol ready.  Then, two of the other three ran in, weapons poised and ready. One took the left and the other took the right. Aimes was the first to fire, missing by only a few centimetres. When the Operative fired back, he had to dive out of the way and go back into prone. Shots fired at Adrian, these machine guns were a bit more potent than his, and they were attempting to pepper him. The cardboard boxes he was using for cover shattered over him and he had to run. As he dashed for the truck, breath heavy, he fired back.  The attacker fell down, gun clattering to the floor. Adrian sighed out with relief and rushed over to fish the gun that was just trying to kill him. It was doing a very good job, after all.  
BOOM!
 Adrian’s head flipped toward the corridor he and Aimes came from, a sickening feeling in his gut. Out, emerged from the smoke, blue line vanished behind him was Aimes. He heaved out each breath.  “I HAD TO WRESTLE THAT FUCKER INTO THE MINE!”  “NICE GO!” Adrian reloaded, grinning. “Keep an eye out, one target left!” Aimes nodded, adjusting his pistol in his hands and keeping his eyes peeled. Just as their eyes met the other side of the room, the final obstacle came into view.  A shotgunner made Adrian dive behind a few cars. The blasts from the weapon echoed and clashed, ricochet sounding off against the metal of the cars, causing the two soldiers' ears to ring. Loading up his pistol, Adrian started scurrying behind cars and other such objects, using the operative’s mumbling to track his location.  When an opportune moment came forth, Adrian leapt up from his hiding spot and fired twice, heart pounding in his ears.  The first shot missed.  The second passed right through the skull.  The operative fell to the floor, shotgun clanging against the tarmac on the floor. Tense air in the room quickly dissipated, leaving the two Marines with uneasy stomachs and not much more.  “Fuck…Black ops.” Aimes sighed out, collapsing to the floor to sit down. “Jesus…” “You did a damn good job there, Private.” Adrian wandered over, shoulders relaxed. “Even I forgot about that mine.” “You’d think they’d have used two to protect that corridor.” Aimes snickered, still breathing heavily. “...Nearly took my eyes out, that blast.” “Welcome to the Army, Sam. It doesn’t get better.” Adrian started looking around the place, no possible place should be ignored since supplies could be anywhere. “Grab yourself that guy’s shotgun. He won’t miss it.” Aimes nodded and leaned over, pulling the gun out of the dead body’s curled fingers. He visibly shivered when he managed to pull it, trying not to look at him in the eyes. “You sure you don’t want it?” “I have my own, I think I’ll manage.” Adrian broke down a miraculously untouched cardboard box with his knife, retrieving a few more grenades and pistol ammo from it. Then, his eyes looked over at a small room with garage shutters over it. “You think anything’s in there?” “Can’t hurt to look, can it?” Aimes was right, Adrian knew that. So, he walked over, holstering his weapons and hammering the button next to the shutters with his fist. They made a small beep sound, then unfolded, rising up in a loud groan. The light poured into the room, revealing… “Fuck, Private Brown?!” Adrian’s eyes widened, panic quickly growing in his expression.  There lay a man Adrian and Sam both knew well, drenched in blood, nursing a wound one couldn’t look directly at without feeling queasy.  “Ugh…Shephard…?” Brown’s head turned, he coughed a little, not helping anyone's nerves. “Shit, is that actually you…?” “Y-yes, yes it is!” Adrian hurried over, kneeling down by him, body tense. “You look…horrible…” “Something did me in, I still don’t know what…” Brown coughed out a little blood, the splatter falling on Adrian’s shoulder. “I need a medic…” “Don’t worry, just stay put, alright?” Adrian assured him, eyes focused. Then, he turned, turning on his loudest instructional voice. “AIMES! GET THE HELL OVER HERE! BROWN NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION, STAT!” “Brown?!” Aimes could be heard exclaiming from the other side of the room, voice echoing. “Shit, is that Mason?!” He ran over, already breaking out a few of his medical tools. “Sam, you made it…!” Brown said with a smile in his weak voice. “Thank…thank goodness…” “You’ll be making it too, don’t worry. Shephard, look around for a health pack while I take care of this gash!” Aimes, for once, was commanding. Since this wasn’t Adrian’s ballpark, plus he felt ranks were a bit obsolete at this point, he did as asked. He cracked open another crate left to the side and pulled out a medkit from the rubble, dashing it across the floor so Aimes could easily catch it.  “Will that work?” “Perfect.” Adrian hurried and knelt back down, waiting anxiously on his knees as Aimes worked.  “I heard all the commotion, you two really took care of them, didn’t you?” Brown’s head turned slightly, a smug smile on his face despite his situation.  “Higher operatives really are on us, aren’t they?” Adrian looked down to the floor, almost hoping he wasn’t right. Alas, his worst fears were about to be confirmed. “I overheard the bastards. They’ve been sent to erase us. Leave no witnesses of this- AGH!” “Sorry.” Aimes apologised in a highly hushed voice.  “No worries- leave no witnesses of this event. We’re all being wiped, civilians and soldiers indiscriminate.” Hearing poor Mason Brown say those words, that’s what stung the most. One of the youngest ones in their troop, especially on the engineering side. He was almost treated like a little brother, and harassed like one too. Not that he didn’t take it well though.  Adrian didn’t know him as well as Sam, the other two had been in more placements together, but that didn’t stop word from getting around about him.  Looking at him now, wincing from the pain of the stitching as he rattles off about his own team's erasure, all those facts hurt to think about. A sorry sight.  “You’ll be okay, we’ll all be okay. I’m trying to get people out of here, alright?” Adrian assured him, eyes determined. “You’ll be one of them.” “I…didn’t your heli go down, Shephard?” Brown asked, voice hoarse. “You scared the shit outta me, y’know?” “I made it alright. If I can survive, we all can, right?”  “God I hope so…” Brown winced again. “You nearly done Aimes?” “Yeah…let me just…” Aimes tucked out a syringe and inserted it into the HECU vest health port, much like how he did with Adrian before. Brown’s face slowly cleared up, eventually letting him look just tired instead of beaten senseless.  “These damn vests, they’re almost magical.” Shephard laughed to himself weakly.  “Tell me about it.” Aimes laughed, helping brown up by the shoulder. Adrian took the other arm as he talked. “Makes my job much easier, I’ll admit. Can you walk, Brown?” “Just about…” Mason stumbled to his own feet after being held up, letting out a heavy breath. He kept an arm on Aimes’ shoulder for a second to let himself get his head together. “Some training mission, huh?” “Oh god, don’t remind me. Summers was joking about that the whole way. Get a new act, dickfingers!” Aimes let him settle down, he rolled his eyes when he mentioned Summers.  “Is that really what Sarge called him?” Mason asked, a little amazed.  “Trust me, if either one of us were lying to you, you’d’ve found out by now.” Aimes said assuringly, exhaling a small breath to laugh. “What’s our next move, hot single in the area?” “Oh fuck off with that! Are we really pulling those names, now?” Adrian walked back, arms outstretched to complain as loudly physically as he was complaining verbally. “I won’t tell you, pissjug, unless you knock it off!” “Alright, alright!” Aimes raised his hands in surrender, snickering. Adrian huffed at him while making sure Mason was doing okay. Then, he glanced back to the corridor where they came from and had an idea.  “Say…Brown, have you still got your tools?” “Hm? Yeah, yeah I do! Why?” “GREAT! We’re moving out!” Adrian started moving, marching back across the room with a focused gaze. The other two panicked for a second, before catching up quickly.  They asked their questions, ie: Where the hell are we going? And why do you need his tools? Adrian’s only answer came in the form of the door they arrived at, back when Aimes and Shephard first reunited. Aimes and Brown glanced at each other, confused, which begged an explanation. “Seriously?” Adrian raised one brow, shocked they weren’t getting it. “We need that door open, boys. Mason, what do you have that opens a door?” “OH! SHIT!” Mason loudly exclaimed, immediately fumbling out his blowtorch and slipping on his goggles. “Lemme get that!” He hurried over and started working on carving out the locked door. Sparks flew when the torch hit metal, requiring the other two to stand well back.  “How old’s he again, now?” Adrian asked Sam, arms folded.  “Brown? Turned nineteen last week, if I heard right.” Aimes kept watch, looking with admiration. “ Nineteen?! Shit…” Adrian winced a little, despite knowing he himself joined when he was younger. The thought of other Marines dumped onto this situation, the orders that they were given, to kill without remorse. It was embarrassing it took him so long to realise how ruthless this all was. “They keep getting younger and younger…” “Aren’t you only twenty-two?” Aimes said with a small, weak laugh. One that didn’t feel like a laugh at all.  “I know, I know, it’s just…” Adrian couldn’t look him in the eye. He was starting to feel sick to his stomach.  “Got it!” Brown kicked down the metal door, revealing a new path to the three. “Moving?” Shephard stood for a second, the two Privates eyes on him. He had forgotten for a moment that he was above them in rank. He just saw two of his friends, rather than two of his subordinates.  “Ah! Right, yeah, move forward! Listen to me, no matter what!” Adrian shook himself out of his funk and re-equipped his desert eagle, indicating the two to follow behind them.  Through the door they went, and thus, through the facility. For a few hours or so, they coordinated themselves and moved room by room, taking down operatives and aliens as they went.  The atmosphere of the labs was oppressive, miserable, and a bit stuffy. If the trio couldn’t joke about it though, they would’ve officially gone insane. Thus, more often than not, they tried to keep their spirits up with each other's presence.  Sometimes it would be betting on which doors were locked, sometimes it was racing to health and power stations. They kept themselves busy, even as the situation kept wearing them down.  Sometime later, they were padding down a corridor, assembled in formation with Shephard as lead, when they heard voices from further ahead. Adrian held up his hand, stopping the two.  “I’ll move ahead, see what’s there. Cover this sector.”  Aimes and Brown nodded.  Adrian moved ahead, holding his breath for what he thought was going to be a sorry sight. And he was right to.  What he came to was a small group of stragglers, scientists and guards to be specific. About eight total, maybe. When he approached, each one of them turned and looked up with fear in their eyes.  Adrian quickly realised the issue, holstering his desert eagle and holding up both of his hands to signal peace. This was just as one of the security guards took out his own weapon, prepared to fight. A woman nearly screamed, but not much came out of her mouth.  Then, Adrian tore off his mask and threw it to the ground, breathing heavily. “Please! I won’t hurt you!” The guard that was readied up had shaking hands as he held the pistol, quick to learn that Shephard wasn’t going to attack. At least, not immediately. “You’re HECU, aren’t you! Prove you won’t hurt us!” The guard stood his ground, Adrian found that admirable.  “Just- trust me! Trust that I won't!” Adrian grit his teeth. “What do you wanna know? I’ll tell you to the best of my ability!” He kept his hands raised, eyes locked with the guards.  “Uh…” The guard seemed to have not thought this far. “Name! Give us a name!”  “Corporal Adrian Rachel Shephard. My dog tags are in the third pocket of my vest, you can check!” The guard hesitated, then stepped over and took the dog tags from his vest, reading them with narrow eyes.  
SHEPHARD

ADRIAN R.     O NEG

7759137245

H.E.C.U.

CATHOLIC
 “Hm. You’re not lying to us.” The guard muttered, causing a few of the scientist's eyes to light up.  “I have no reason to. We’re all in the same situation.” Shephard sighed, eyes cast down. “We’ve been left behind.” “We?” An older scientist piped up. “You too?” “My heli left without me. Same with my two friends, they’re a bit further back. I don’t care what orders we got, they don’t matter anymore. We…we just have to survive.” Adrian felt himself rambling a little bit, stress showing through.  “Y-You’re still here to silence us, all the same-“ “What the hell would be the point of that?!” Adrian found himself yelling. “They probably already consider us dead! What could I possibly gain from killing anyone here?! Besides…another group’s taken that job from us.” “Another group…?” The guard lowered his pistol slightly. Then, he raised it again when a second HECU came into view.  “Black Ops. They’re after all of us.” Aimes walked up with folded arms and a grim expression. “Aimes, I thought I told you to wait there!”  “I’ve…stopped caring about our ranks at this point, and I figured you’d dance around the issue. They deserve it straight.” Aimes looked across the group, scared expressions all around. “Private Samuel Hayden Aimes. Medic. Got my tags here.”  Sure enough, the tags he held up read thus: 
AIMES

SAMUEL H.    B POS

8402836574

H.E.C.U.

ATHEIST
 “Jesus…Jesus Christ…” The guard fully let down his weapon, it almost dropped in the loose grip of his fingers. If reality hadn’t already hit him, things were really crashing down now if the military that was attacking him had now come to help.  “Hey, Brown, they’ll wanna see you too.” Aimes then looked back down the corridor, watching Mason shuffle out nervously. Without saying much, he also held out his tags. 
BROWN

MASON      A NEG

3759371956

H.E.C.U.

JEWISH
 “Private Mason Brown. Engineer. Sorry if the other two scared you.”  “It’s…it’s no worry.” The guard found himself saying, surprised that he was at all. “Uh, Officer Brie.”  “Good to know you.” Adrian nodded, taking the initiative once again. “Anyone injured here? We can have Aimes look it over.” A woman, lying up against the wall, raised her hand shakily. She looked to be taking a lot of energy just to breathe. Hair messy, eyes hung low, she was in some state. Aimes immediately hurried to her side. “What’s happened?” He asked, tilting his head.  “It’s just…I’m pregnant. All the running around we’ve had to do has taken something out of me…” She said, looking quite sorrowful. “Don’t worry, I’m not due for a while. But…this hasn’t been the easiest.” “God…we’ll need to find somewhere to sit you down, somewhere we can rest for a bit. You’ll need to hold out for us until, then, can you do that?” Aimes asked, already shuffling through his pockets for any medications he could safely give her.  “I…I think I can.” She answered, a subtle smile of relief appearing. The two talked as Shephard and Brown explained other things to the others, reassuring the rest of the group.  “What’s your name?” Aimes took out a small portion of paracetamol, remembering it was safe enough for situations like this. “Wanna know who to call to first when shit gets real again.” “Neena. Doctor Neena Sodhi. I work on a lot of the machinery and robotics here at Black Mesa. Prime designer for most of them.” She smiled a little more explaining what she did, glowing already with passion for her work.  “I saw a few as I went through here, they’re really cool!” Aimes kept the spirit up, taking out his flask of water to help her swallow the painkillers down. “At least, I’m assuming they’re yours.” “If you see it, it’s probably mine. It’s a shame it’s all going to hell here…” Sodhi gained a rather sad expression as she counted the pills in her hand.  “Probably best not to think about that. Focus on getting out of here, you and the kid.” Aimes pointed to her stomach, smiling weakly. “Hey, guys?” He looked back up at Brown and Shephard. “We got a plan?” “Yup. We’re moving forward, we’re gonna try and find a place for everyone to rest. Once we’ve got that, one of us will go ahead and scout for a route outside. There’s plenty of abandoned military transportation, you guys can all get out that way.” Shephard explained, fiddling with his hands as he spoke. “You’re all gonna have to put your utmost trust in us, though. It’s going to be hard to, but…you’ll need to.” The scientists and guards hmmed and hah’d to themselves, concerned expressions growing. Then, someone spoke up.  “We trust you. Or, at least, I do.” Doctor Sodhi, standing up with the help of Aimes. “You’re my only shot out. So please…lead the way.” She had determined eyes, trusting but firm. Even in her state, this was more like making a deal than offering help. Get them all out safe or suffer whatever she could bring them.  Adrian smiled, returning those firm eyes.  “Affirmative. Everyone, we’re moving. I’ll take up front, Brown’s at the back. Aimes, stay with her. Anyone with a weapon they’re able to use, on the outer circle. We need as strong protection as possible!” Shephard’s instructions were strong, not a waver in his voice to be heard. The formation was quickly made: Anyone defenceless was in this bubble surrounded by ones who could use weapons, a layer of force guarding the inner circle.  They moved out at Shephard’s first order.  Making their way through the facility as a group was harder as one, so full of tight corridors and odd paths that could only be bypassed with vents or climbing ledges or such. The grunts were usually the ones doing that stuff, making paths for the others to get through afterwards. Idle chatter began in the quieter parts as well, if they weren’t being interrupted by zombie attacks.  “I’d just like to get outta here.” Officer Brie admitted shyly at one point. “Always had a bad feeling about this job.” “I’m gonna miss the cafeteria food.” Another scientist lamented, only to get a crowd of responses saying that it sucked. Seems he was an odd one out. “I still wonder where we got all that off-brand soda.” The other guard laughed a little. “What deals did we have, d’ya think?” Slowly, but surely, the assembled group began to gain morale. They’d grow distressed at attacks, sure, but the grunts and the officers were there to protect them, and they did a pretty good job. Smiles became more and more common.  Until… “THAT'S THEM!” A harsh, muffled voice called from above. Adrian immediately recognised it, looking right up, teeth grit. “GET THE FUCK DOWN!” He screamed, rushing them all into a tiny office off to the side. Yells and panic began, and the scientists were quickly pushed back. “BROWN, WITH ME, GUARDS, STAY PUT OUTSIDE AND COVER US, AIMES, YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF THEM! MOVE MOVE MOVE!!” Black Ops had found them. About three had them in their sights. Three against two wasn’t a good balance, but he could make this work. Facing off into battle, Adrian felt his job was more important than ever.  Diving behind a leftover forklift, probably used to transport stuff around this warehouse, Adrian began firing from behind. Brown seemed to be playing as a distraction, running across open air and firing the operatives way to draw their attention. When he dived behind cover, Adrian jumped up and took a shot. One of the operatives fell to the ground causing the other two to scatter.  “HOSTILE DOWN!” He yelled to Brown, who yelled back affirmation.  “GOT IT!” Brown snuck out of his hiding place, hands firm on his pistol as he glanced around for either one of the leftover operatives. “Searching!” “TAKE LEFT! I’ll take right!” Adrian instructed, and Brown nodded, staying put while Adrian ran to the right of the room.  Quickly, Mason Brown ran into the fist of one of the scattered Black ops, causing him to fall to the ground. Without making much sound, he sucked in air, tensing up for more retaliation, before looking to the operative's legs and seeing an opening. With a swing of the body across the shiny floors, he swept the operative’s legs from under him with his own and started a hand-to-hand brawl on the floor.  They traded blows, fists and kicks with precise training on either end. Blood was spilt from Brown’s nose, and their fists became caked in the stuff. It fell to the floor, small red circles duplicating in Brown’s slowly dizzying vision as his head was pounded in, over and over. Eventually, though, he gained the advantage.  Tackling the operative to the floor, he began wailing on him, the blood that should’ve been in his head instead smeared over the black op’s face. It took about five or six punches before he remembered that he had a gun. Grasping it from the side of the floor, he held it tight- in front of him- 
BANG
 Hostile down.  Still alert, Brown scurried off of him and ran behind more cover, eyes sharp for the last operative.  Luckily, Adrian already had him cornered.  Desert eagle aimed between the brows, pressing right up against his head, you couldn’t even see the red laser sight on it. The operative, weaponless, had his hands raised in surrender, but beneath the mask, there was still an unshaken look about him.  “What the hell is the goal here? Black Ops, here, gunning for us. Explain.” Adrian clenched his teeth.  “Hah. grunts.” The operative let out a small laugh. “It’s the exact same job you guys were sent out for. Not hard to understand.” “Got a lot of fuckin’ nerve talkin’ like that!” Adrian’s voice raised. “Gun to your head and this is how you act?” “Gun to someone's head and this is how you ask questions?” He fired back, causing Adrian to press the barrel against his head harder. It started making dents in the leather of the uniform. “You think I’m telling you anything? It’s nothing you don’t already know.” “Hole on your report or in your head, which is it? Start explaining!”  “Clean up job. Finishing off what you idiots couldn’t. This entire place is going to hell anyway, none of us are living to remember this.” The black op explained, a tone so casual that the vagueness was starting to piss half the room off. Brown butted in, pistol poised.  “And what does that mean?!” “Private, I’ve got this-”“No! My life’s on the line here too, I wanna know! Spit it!” Brown’s voice was unusually hoarse, his face was still banged up with blood after the brawl. Adrian’s eyes turned back to the operative.  “Well, you heard the Private. Talk.”  “I just did, Private. ” “Ohhh, you’re ballsy, aren’t you? Shame I can’t see them through the LEATHER!” Adrian kicked right into the crotch of the operative, who fell to the ground, wincing. As he was on the floor, squirming, Adrian held him up with the eagle once again, at a clear height advantage. The eagle was pressed sharply on his forehead. “Now tell! And don’t be all mystic about it, you assholes said it yourselves we aren’t smart enough for that. Explain. ” The operative let out a breath, letting the pain at least somewhat swell away. When his mind returned to him, the words he said shook Adrian to his core.  “They’re nuking this shithole. Us with it.” “...what?” “You heard me, O Mighty Marine. This whole place, nuked.” “And- and you’re just okay with this?” Adrian spluttered out, his gun shifting slightly.  “We both signed away our lives for this country. Are you not okay with it?” The operative could sense his growing agitation. “I said I’d die for the country, not let it nuke itself! Jesus Christ, what are they thinking?” “Stopping this invasion. Your suit’s covered in those creatures' blood, don’t tell me you haven’t seen what this place unleashed.” The operative raised his hand and gripped Adrian’s wrist, pressing the gun onto his head harder. “This whole thing needs to be eradicated! You can see that!” “And what about the survivors? What about us? The scientists here? It’s not just those goddamn aliens in these halls!” The operative laughed, relaxing, his arm dropping to the floor in defeat.  “Higher-ups said that’s called collateral damage.” 
BANG
 Adrian pulled the trigger, planting a nice hole in the middle of the black ops’ forehead. Teeth grit. Eyes welling up slightly. He dropped his eagle, raising both of his hands to his face, holding himself for a moment.  “Are you…okay, Corporal?” Brown asked, still standing beside him.  
No. No, I’m not okay. 
 Adrian Shephard had to sit with himself for a second, with the information given to him. A goddamn nuke. If this operative was telling the truth, and really, he had no reason not to at this point, then… Adrian took his hands away from his face, looking back at the small collection of survivors hiding in cover, scared faces abound.  
Collateral Damage
 Adrian hauled himself up, face low and dark. Picking back up his eagle, he walked back over to the group and stood firm, though his shaking wasn’t too easy to hide.  “We need to get out. Fast .” “Hm?” Aimes stood up to face him, worried. “What do you mean, cor-” “WE NEED A WAY OUT!” Adrian could barely hold himself back, his heart was pounding in his ears. “Out of this facility, out of this state, fast!” “Y-yes, that’s what we’ve been trying to do!” Aimes began to explain. “We still-” “Priority number one, Private! We need to get all of these people and ourselves out of state!” Adrian wasn’t hearing it. He started looking around the room for ways to advance, ways that looked anywhere near like it led outside.  “But- Shephard, why?-” “You are STILL under my command Aimes! So listen to me when I say I CANNOT explain right now!” Adrian’s voice echoes across the room, bouncing off the walls, making it sound like multiple of him were yelling at once. Aimes, shaken but determined, gave a salute back. “Yes sir. One of the guards knows a way from here, should we follow his instruction?”  “Absolutely! Now get them moving, I’m gonna have a chat with Brown!” Adrian turned on his heel and walked straight back to Mason, letting Aimes gather everyone up to move out.  “Uh…sir?” Brown was more than concerned, tensing up as Adrian staggered back over.  “You heard what that black ops bastard said, right?”  “Yes, Corporal. That there’s a nuke?”  “There…there is. Don’t tell any of that to the others, I don’t want to deal with a bunch of panicking scientists when we’re already under attack. We’re under enough stress.” Adrian instructed, looking a little unsure of his own directions.  “Shouldn’t they know, though? It’s…it seems weird to leave them in the dark about something like that.” Brown fiddled with his hands, swallowing down his nerves.  “You’re taking this well.” Adrian dodged the question, looking away.  “You aren’t.” Brown looked dead ahead at him. “...Whatever. Let’s just go, we’re about to lose track of them.” he then started moving, heading up the stairs the others had taken.  Adrian sucked in a breath, left standing there for a moment, staring at this Black Op’s body.  A part of him knew he should be suspecting him of lying.  A bigger part of him was sure he wasn’t.  He turned and followed behind, heart clenched in his throat the whole way.  The rest of the walk wasn’t too long, all things considered. The scientists and guards' knowledge of the facility’s layout was a huge help; more often than not one member of the group was able to point the way forward.  Neena was an especially big help in the latter section, as they passed right through the robotics labs, which according to her, had a secret exit.  “The janitors and maintenance people would use it to get around quicker, they’re all over the base. It’s a big place, after all, takes a lot to keep it tidy.” She explained, looking around with a sense of wistful sorrow at her now destroyed laboratory. “Well…I guess there’s not much point in saying that now.” She then looked to a fully collapsed part of the room and sighed.  “Don’t tell me it’s through there.” Aimes was torn between laughing and yelling in frustration.  “No, no, we’re fine. If I’m correct…” She tapped at a panel, some code needed to be inputted, then stepped back. The wall dislodged, and opened itself, revealing it as a door to an upwards staircase. “Knew it, Amy came through here all the time. Fellas at Anomalous Materials thought you had to crawl through the vents to unlock an office. You actually just need to befriend one of the cleaners.” Adrian hurried over, eyes widening at the light at the end of the stairs. “This goes directly outside?!” “Yup. You wanted a way out?” “Lead the way, Doctor!” Adrian’s face was positively beaming with relief.  The group was led up the admittedly cramped stairwell, though in its defence it was clearly only meant for one person at a time. Reaching the top, Neena tapped away at another panel and opened the door to the outside.  
Oh, thank god. 
 The first things they saw were debris, alien bodies, and abandoned military jeeps. Adrian's eyes immediately locked onto one of the latter. “Anyone here able to use that car?” Aimes and Brown both raised their hands, then looked at each other and laughed a little at the matching enthusiasm.  “Good enough. Find one suitable enough and pile in.” He didn’t need to tell the scientists and guards twice, they had already run over to one of the jeeps. Aimes and Brown followed behind, hoping they could open it. Adrian straggled further behind, a deep feeling in his gut.  Something was missing. Something wasn’t right.  For the first time in a while, he felt as if he was being… observed.   He glanced around, the orange rocky landscape of New Mexico almost feeling surreal to him. Eyes, somewhere, were on him. Over his shoulder, or past his gaze perhaps. Somewhere.  Standing atop a roof of the facility, adjusting his tie, a familiar man greeted his vision.  Briefcase. Blue suit. Eyes like a demented hawk.  Those eyes met with his for just a second. Even with the insurmountable distance between them, it was like this man could see all that he was thinking.  This man was back at base, too. Talking with his superiors.  This man was dotted all over, helping him out of death and hindering him from escape.  A path to freedom was right there, in the form of that jeep, a gang of the saved and two friends he loved dearly. The easy, the right way out.  This man seemed to know what was missing. He nodded, sure of himself, and walked through the rooftop door beside him.  An instruction.  “I…You guys should go on ahead.” Adrian looked back to his men, eyes downcast.  “Wait, what? Corporal, you need to come with us! It’s all of us getting out, remember?!” Aimes exclaimed, running back to him with scared eyes. Brown followed behind at a slower pace, not saying anything.  “I know, I know, Sam, it’s…” Adrian had no idea how to word this. “There’s something I need to do.” “The hell?! What are you talking about, are you stupid?” Aimes was rightfully distressed. Brown continued to say nothing.  “Get out of the state, Sam. You too, Mason. There’s nothing more for you two here.” “Augh, c’mon!” Aimes grabbed his hand and started trying to pull Adrian toward the jeep. “You’re fucking stupid if you think you’re gonna stay here!” “Then I’m fucking stupid.” Adrian’s voice sounded far away. He pulled Aimes’ hand off of his, heel turning to start the walk back. The door was still open, after all. “Is…is this about the nuke?” Brown asked, causing both Aimes and Adrian to tense up for different reasons.  “Goddamnit, Mason, I told you-” “NUKE?!” Aimes’ eyes were wide with horror. “There’s a nuke in there?! And you didn’t tell me?!” “I’m going to sort it!” Adrian held back his voice, trying not to shout it to the rest of the area. “You two need to worry about getting out of here!” “No, fuck off am I letting you do that! Get BACK here!” Aimes yelled, held back by Brown as Adrian started walking again, step by step. “YOU NEVER TELL US THIS SHIT, SHEPHARD! NEVER!” “Sam, please, we gotta get in the car-” Mason called in vain. “Nobody knows what you did before the army! You’ve never told us! I keep helping you with your medication, but you give the most barebones reason for why you take it!” Aimes’ voice started choking up as his friend’s form drifted further and further away. “I’ve always wondered, ‘Who’s my friend Adrian?’ Because you don’t TELL us! Sitting out of the showers, taking this medication that I keep covering your ass for, ranked to Corporal way too soon, got onto the HECU team without so much as a sign-up!” “C’mon!” Mason was starting to struggle with the teary Sam in his arms. “We don’t have any more time!” “WHO ARE YOU, CORPORAL SHEPHARD?!” He screamed out, clutching onto his fellow soldier instead of being held back by him. “I WANNA KNOW WHO MY FRIEND IS, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T TOLD US!!” Adrian went through the door without looking back, it closed tightly behind into a simple wall with a window.  He was gone.  As soon as the door shut, Adrian collapsed to the floor, holding himself. Tears in his eyes. Regret in his mind.  He needed to stay here. He needed to stop that nuke, he did sign away his life for this service after all.  Why… why did it hurt so much to do so?  Sam Aimes kept screaming, though he couldn’t hear what he was saying now. The door had once again become a firm wall with a small one-way window, shutting out the outside world. He didn’t think he wanted to hear what he was saying, anyway.  Eventually, the yelling stopped. Thank god. It was becoming nauseating to think about what he was saying.  Then, he heard the jeep's engine start, and his heart lit up.  
They’re actually leaving. Thank fuck. 
 That was an end nicely tied up, even if it took blood, sweat and tears to do so. His friends were safe, and so were many civilians. As long as they took the straight road out, even in the worst scenario, the nuke wouldn’t touch them.  Adrian slipped a cig out of his pocket. All the yelling had made him crave one. The flame of the lighter was this hallway's only other light source, so he used it to traverse his way back down.  They didn’t shut the first door either when leaving, which was a relief. He had to admit to himself, he didn’t account for the scenario where he would just be stuck in the stairwell. Though maybe a grenade would’ve fixed his problem there.  No time to think about it. No time to dwell.  There was a nuke planted by the operatives somewhere in this facility. He needed to find it. 
Fast. 
  “Holy…” Alyx looked stunned. “Never heard I was the one that learned about the nuke, did’ja?” “No, no I…that was SO much more detailed than any of Barney or Dad’s stories! Or- or anyone’s!” She was stumbling over her words, overwhelmed at what to mention first. “And you saved Doctor Sodhi?!” “Well, that was mostly Private Aimes- wait, you know her?” Adrian did a double take.  “Yes!! She’s here at White Forest, she helped design the rocket! She also helps us mod combine turrets!” Alyx explained with glee. “No wonder she’s been so chipper lately…” “She should come talk to me! It’s about time I caught up. Tell her that!” Adrian smirked, thankful that these were the questions Adrian was asking.  At some point, during that recounting, Adrian had forgotten he was explaining all this to someone and to hold back accordingly. At some point, it just turned into a beat-for-beat reliving of the incident, everything resonating in his mind so sharply again.  Warts and all.  He couldn’t stop thinking back, even as he chatted with Alyx laxly. Sam and Mason. The last time he talked to them, he was walking into the jaws of death, getting yelled at about how none of them knew who he was.  He had forgotten a lot of that conversation. It had all flushed back in as he told it.  He felt sick.  “I…I need the bathroom, hah…” Adrian let out a heavy but lighthearted sigh as he stood up and stretched out. They had both been sitting for a while. “Should check back in with the others, as well. Some of the rebels said they needed me for some ‘help with training’ or something.” He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he said that, playing off his unease with what he hoped was moderate success.  He looked back at Alyx. She saw right through him.  “Corporal…” She began, and he dreaded that tone. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” She tilted her head, causing Adrian to look away.  “I’ll…I’ll keep a note of it.” Adrian said, and ran out of the room.  When he left, the door clattering behind him, Alyx sighed.  She knew he told a lot more than he wished. That entire ending portion, leaving his friends behind to escape as he wandered back into what all her closest loved ones described as ‘hell on earth’.  Nobody, not even her dad, would go into detail like that. Every word, every small movement, it was never told to her like that, so clear and fresh. The others picked their words carefully, in the effort to either not upset her or themselves. Who are you, Adrian Shephard? That was the question.  It wasn’t being asked by her. But it had been asked by many others on the base. It had been asked by her father, by her father's friends, by Gordon.  The answer to that question clearly was something Adrian didn’t want to tell.  That…was fine, she guessed.  He could say in due time, surely. Lord knows she was used to the silent type.  Alyx glanced around this little homemade gym again, spotting things that could answer that question in the meantime.  There was workout equipment. He likes to exercise.  There was an MP3 player left on a bench. He listens to a lot of music.  Most of the furniture was salvaged from scrap heaps and old yards of trash. He is resourceful.  His pack of cigs was peeking out of his HECU vest. He likes to smoke. Plans of action were scribbled on post-it notes on a wall in the back. He is skilled in tactics. Those plans had fun doodles and drawings around them to help gain a visual. He is a pretty good artist.  Adrian didn’t need to answer the question of who he was, at least not yet.  The home he made, here at White Forest, told it all for him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Gordon had a problem.  It had been a few days now since his and Adrian’s trip to the abandoned scrapyard, an emotional but by no means eventful day. They just went there, had some sort of moment, then went back. Nothing to really ponder about.  …So why was he thinking about it so much?  Out of his HEV suit for once, he was instead in an old lab coat draped over an orange hoodie and some jeans. If it wasn’t for the coat, he’d be mistaken for a student late to his 9 am.  Man, he was glad his college days were over.  He was MEANT to be drafting down some calculations for the rocket they were sending to calm down the portal storms (which had been slowly, but surely, increasing). All theory, of course, his degree wasn’t in practical physics.  The thing is, he was meant to be. But he wasn’t.  Every time a new number was written down, all his head was broadcasting was that scrapyard.  Part of it was the past meltdown, yes. It’s been a while since he’s lost it like that, hard not to dwell on such a fact. Part of it was also…a certain fiend knocking about again. He didn’t want to think about that.  The star of the show, though…was the other man present.  Adrian Shephard, the ridiculous bastard. His face had snuck his way into Gordon’s mind.  Now that his memories of the full scene of that day were clearing up, so was the hazy memory of his face.  Adrian didn’t look directly at him for much of that ordeal. Seems his goal there was just to be present while Gordon’s mind sorted itself out. His legs were crossed and his eyes cast out, looking across the piles of used items around them. Probably spotting more stuff he could use.  Then, when Gordon needed some distraction to see him through, Adrian’s face lit up. About an hour of talk of bands he’d never heard of, from the excited voice of a man who’s probably heard it all.  Said voice would jump in pitch a little whenever he got really excited, a bit higher than Gordon thought any normal man’s voice could go. Adrian would quickly correct himself, though, and resume his usual rough Arizona twitch.  This was an endearing trait.  Yes. Endearing was the right word.  Any other way to describe it would clog up Gordon’s throat and suffocate him for unknown reasons.  That word, endearing, rotated around his head instead of anything actually useful to the project. Every time he tried to procure a new calculation, Adrian’s little hiccups in tone would fill its place.   God, this was fucking annoying . “Gordon?” “AAAGH!”  Gordon audibly yelped, startled out of his mental mantra by a familiar voice.  “W-wow, were you that sucked in?” Eli Vance had dropped by to check up on him. “How’s it all looking?”  “You scared me, Vance!” Gordon shook his head with a small smile as he signed, thankful that he had something else to think about now. “I’ve got something. Not sure if it’ll be much use, though.” He handed the rough draft over, letting Eli skim through it with an analytical eye.  “No, no, this is good!”  
“Are you saying that because I look like I haven’t slept in three weeks and Kleiner’s getting worried? Be honest.”
 “Ah…” Eli looked aside, awkward. “I guess partially! But still, these are good. I’ll get these to him right away.”  “Damn, I’ve still got it. Tell Kleiner he’s full of shit, I can do work in whatever state I want!” Gordon looked rather triumphant. “I’m not telling him that.” Eli held back a laugh. “Good job, either way, though.” Gordon sighed, relieved to be free, even if temporary, of work he was struggling to do. He stood up and dusted himself off, starting to wander off to relax for just a moment. “Oh, by the way.” Eli began, turning back around. “The Corporal was asking around about you. Seemed pretty important.”  
Ah, shit.
 Gordon’s head cranked around slowly. Then, he signed. “Important?”  “I don’t know, but he looked urgent. Wouldn’t want to keep a man like him waiting, would you?” For some reason, that sentence stirred something in Gordon’s chest. He didn’t know what it was, but it swished and swirled deep within him.  No. He didn’t want to keep him waiting.   “Got it.” Gordon assured and ducked away, keeping his expression hidden. Why? What was even on it? He didn’t really have a good time reading expressions, let alone making them, so what was he even hiding?  The flushing blood perhaps?  Agh, whatever , there was no point. Adrian wanted to see him, there was nothing more to it. That was it. One man wanted to see another for some random reason.  That was it.  …He was assuring himself quite a lot about this, wasn’t he? He cracked open the door to Adrian’s little hub, hearing muffled music playing and the grunting that comes with weight lifting.  Up on a bench, Adrian had some weights in each hand, pulling them up and down in some technique Gordon probably would never learn. He was a scientist for god's sake, a nerd! This wasn’t his realm! Adrian noticed the door opening, he put down the weights and took out an earphone, his face lighting up when he greeted him. “Oh, hey Freeman!” He waved with a bright smile.   Oh Christ, was Gordon’s first thought. He’s wearing a tank top.   A green, slightly stained-looking tank top paired with sweatpants and his combat boots, rosary and dog tags both dangling from his neck. Hair greased up and messy, but in an oddly fluffy manner, shafted to one side. New piercings were already in his ears.  Gordon was paying too much attention to how he looked.   “Hey, Corporal…” Gordon shuffled his way in, feeling endlessly out of his element. “Eli said you were calling for me?”  “Oh! Damn, the timing on that man, this is perfect!” Adrian put aside his music player and picked back up the weights with relative ease, slotting them back into their place on a newly established weight rack. “I was just thinking, I could help you with something!”  “Help me?” Gordon pointed to himself and tilted his head. “With what?”  “Well, I just figured, you doin’ all that shit during Black Mesa and the uprising and the like. That was, I imagine, adrenaline and that HEV suit, right?” Adrian started shuffling a few things around as he spoke, organising workout items and taking some sort of pill.  
“That and copious amounts of morphine”
 “That’s another thing we need to sort out, but not right now.“ Adrian pointed back at Gordon. “I was just thinkin’, if you did all of that while just being a desk nerd with minor physical training, then what could you do if you were properly trained?”  “Desk nerd, huh?” Gordon folded his arms with annoyance, even though Adrian was basically correct.  “Well…I mean…lookat’cha.” Adrian gestured to Gordon’s…everything. “Peak desk nerd. You look like a gust of wind’ll snap you in half.” 
“Your scathing words are going to snap me in half.”
 “Hah! That’s the spirit!” Adrian laughed, resting his hands on his hips, walking up to Gordon. “But, yeah, I was thinking of offering you a proposal. Since I have this little gym set up and everything…”  “Go on.” Gordon insisted.  “Well, I figured, hey! I could help Gordon Freeman train a little! The HEV suit, it takes you far, but only so far before your body starts breaking under it. I remember most of my physicals from the Marines, mainly because they made us do them every fuckin’ day or so.” Adrian sighed, seemingly recalling some comically bad memories. “Plus, I have a really good shouty drill instructor voice and I’ve been DYING to use it!”  “Gimme a test hearing of this voice. I’m curious.” Gordon asked, with no idea why. Almost immediately, Adrian’s code switched.  “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, MAGGOT? I SHOULD PUMMELL YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW FOR THE DISRESPECT!!” His voice was suddenly booming, startling Gordon and making him stagger back a step. “GET DOWN ONTO THAT FLOOR AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!” Gordon had no idea what to do with himself for a moment, actually considering giving him twenty pushups because of the assertiveness of that voice. Then, as if it was natural, Adrian switched back and started laughing.  “Hahahah, oh my GOD!” He covered his mouth, trying to muffle as much as he could. “You actually- oh god, your face, Gordon I’m sORRY- HAAAAAH!” Gordon relaxed, replacing the scared expression with an annoyed one. “You’re weirdly good at that.”  “Sorry, sorry, it’s just…god, you actually looked kind of scared, I feel bad! It’s adorable, though!” Adrian looked away, still giggling a bit, Gordon having to pretend one of the words in that sentence didn’t point-blank shoot him.   “Training, though…you might be right.” Gordon admitted. “My back went out at one point during Xen, I never want to have to experience that again.”  “Oh Jesus, Zero-G back pull? I do not envy you.” Adrian folded his arms, swivelling on his foot to clean up some of the objects left around. “Can’t work out in jeans, though, trust me I’ve tried. Got any sweatpants or something?” Gordon, as with most questions, remained silent. However, he didn’t sign either.  “...You don’t, do you? Damn, alright, you can borrow some of mine. Might be a bit big on you but, like, do we have much choice right now?” Adrian shrugged, giggling and opening a shoddy-looking drawer. Was this all taken from the scrapyard? Out of it, he pulled a spare pair of black sweatpants and tossed them over. Gordon didn’t catch them in time, stumbling for a second with a pair of pants on his face, before pulling them off and glaring back at Adrian. He could’ve at least warned him!  “These…these are yours? ” Gordon asked, feeling short of breath.  “Hm? Yeah, I just said. Spares. I can probably stitch ‘em up if you want, make ‘em fit you better, if we are gonna do this more of-“ Gordon clicked his fingers a few times to effectively cut off Adrian’s sentence. He looked a little distressed. “Nope, nope, you’re fine, I get it. I’ll go throw these on.” He said, shuffling out while looking downward, almost hiding his face.  Adrian snickered to himself, pushing a few things out of the way to make room, then pulling out of a bag a couple boxing gloves and mitts, tucking them to the side.  “Man…” he thought out loud to himself. “He’s gonna pop a blood vessel getting THAT anxious about everything.”  Then, a small flush of pink flashed across his face, for just a moment.  “It’s pretty cute. Wouldn’t mind seeing him like that again…”  
Black Mesa. Many Years Ago.
 
Gordon hammered down on his alarm clock with a limp fist, sighing into his pillow when it didn’t turn off immediately. The noise drove him insane, but it was also the only thing that could wake him up quickly of a morning. Even then, it sometimes failed. 
 
Sitting up, eyes narrow and not without bags, he glanced around his dorm. Slash apartment. Slash whatever his superiors were calling them these days for PR. 
 
Coffee or food. What will be his breakfast? 
 
Admittedly, he wasn’t taking care of himself very well as of late. Restlessness from the work they’ve all been putting in lately into the teleportation experiments, higher-ups breathing down their team's necks, it wasn’t easy to deal with. He ended up letting a few of his good habits slip. 
 
He sighed as he looked back at the clock on the wall. One of those habits was his sleep schedule. 
 
Goddamnit. Three hours sleep. He was going to be such a bitch today. 
 
He eventually decided to just have a coffee and whatever bites he could tear out of his cupboards. Snacks. Leftovers. Whatever. 
 
Turning on the coffee machine and setting aside a few protein bars (marginally better than just junk food for breakfast), he leaned over the counter and groaned heavily. His eyes kind of hurt, the alarm did his head in earlier, he was making coffee despite hating the taste of it, the caffeine was only going to wind him up more. 
 
No wonder being late was a joke around the lab. Doing this much exhausting stuff took TIME. 
 
Dumping every flavour dampener he could stand to use into his coffee, he quickly downed the entire thing, swallowing it in one and heaving out a relieved sigh. It didn’t taste as bad as he feared. 
 
Scrambling on his work clothes, he passed by the tie they were always demanded to wear. 
 
…Gordon never liked ties like this. Something about the tightness around the neck always wigged him out. If he was any more paranoid, he’d think it a way to control him. 
 
Not today, ridiculous tie. Not today. 
 
He flung it back into the strewn open door of his bedroom and just did up as many shirt buttons as he could stand to think about. 
 
Lab coat on. Pants and everything on. His mind got scrambled on rough mornings like these, he had to make sure. He took a strong bite out of one of the protein bars and groaned, remembering and wishing for the coffee to be back so he could swallow this down. 
 
This wasn’t his morning, was it? 
 
Gordon burst out the door, barely fixing the nametag on his coat, and wandered down to the railcar station. 
 
He liked his job, don’t get him wrong. This was HIS field, HIS expertise, what he spent HIS life obsessing over. It would be silly not to like his job. 
 
The workplace? Left a lot to be desired. 
 
He pondered this as the railcar intercom nearly blew his ears out, he always wondered how the other Black Mesa workers didn’t feel like nails were being driven into their heads at that thing. Fumbling out small earplugs left in his lab coat pocket, he put them on and sighed in relief. 
 
Peace and quiet. Or, something akin to the sort. 
 
At least he was allowed these earplugs, and a number of other things. Kleiner had to wrangle a few higher-ups for Gordon to get to use them, but to be fair, it was less wrangling than MIT, and significantly less wrangling than anything before. God, Gordon was sick of wrangling people in order to get them to understand his needs. 
 
Wrangling. That word didn’t sound like a word anymore to him. He sounded it out a few times in his head. Wrangling. Wraaaaangling. He’d need to search the etymology on that. 
 
His eyes perked up when he realised the next railcar stop was his. A mixture between ‘Oh thank god’ and ‘Oh shit’ ran through his mind. One because he’d be off this car, the other because his stop was right there. 
 
Stepping off and finding the main office didn’t really bring him any amount of joy. What did was the news that was awaiting him. 
 
“Oh, mornin’ Doctor Freeman!” The guard at the desk greeted him. “You’re just in time.”
  “ In time? ” Gordon signed with mild confusion, knowing he was running late. “ For what? ”  
“You will never guess who got locked out of his office again!” The guard said, laughing a little. “Might be needing your assistance.”
  “ Ah, Kleiner, you glorious idiot…Give me fifteen, I’ll get it open. ”  
“Fifteen might not be what you have.” The guard then smirked, looking away at his monitor. “Someone’s already on the way…” 
 
Ah, shit! Barney had a lead on him, the sly bastard!
  “ Give me five. ” Gordon signed, before bursting down the corridor to the right, already timing himself.   
Five seconds. Made it down the corridor. 
 
Ten. Tossed his stuff into his locker. 
 
Fifteen. Took an obscure direction into the computer rooms of Anomalous Materials. 
 
Twenty. Climbing on a few shelves, to the bewildered objections of his coworkers, they should really be used to this right now. 
 
Thirty. Halfway through a vent he had recently discovered acts as a good shortcut. 
 
By the minute mark, he had already shaved ten seconds off of his last record. Many questioned what the hell Gordon was doing, speeding down the corridors and clambering into vents right by the floor, but the second someone else said ‘Kleiner’, everybody else understood. 
 
No one had the heart to reprimand him or Barney for this little tradition. In fact, it made quite the good betting game. 
 
“My money’s on Calhoun.” One scientist said, about three seconds after Gordon whizzed past her. “He’s already well on his way!”
 
“I’ll raise you ten for Freeman. You’ve seen how well he knows the place!” Another scientist remarked, smirking. 
 
“Doubled for Calhoun.” A guard walking nearby said. “He still owes me some money, this might be the way to pay it back.” He laughed, causing the two scientists to laugh with him. 
 
The cramped nature of the vents both unnerved and comforted Gordon, in a strange way. Close quarters of metal felt like a cold hug and as if it would collapse in on him all at once. However, he was more than happy to deal with that if it meant winning these little races. After all, he found that he could be oddly competitive. Barney matched his energy perfectly. 
 
He practically fell out of the current vent into the black and white tiled floor of the offices below, coughing out a bit of dust before venturing on. 
 
He knew the path now. There was a vent to the left on this corridor, right at the floor, that led straight to Kleiner’s office. No Barney in sight, which could either be very good or very bad. 
 
Time to find out, Gordon thought as he crawled his way in. 
 
Only about five meters in, and one ascension, he was before he started hearing a familiar voice behind him. 
 
“Man, he’s still not shown! Score!” Barney chuckled as he entered the same vent. The voice echoed through the metal frames, shaking Gordon’s senses a bit. 
 
However, the joke was not lost on him, and so, Gordon began chuckling, making sure it was just loud enough that Barney would second guess himself, instead of so loud it was deafening like he really wanted. 
 
“Wait…shit, Freeman?! Is that you?” He exclaimed, causing Gordon to laugh harder. “You-!!”
 
Morse code was extremely hard to communicate with through these tunnels, but Gordon still wanted to say something. Fumbling with his pockets, he took out an old pen and a leftover Post-it, scribbling something down and sticking it right in Barney’s path. 
 
When the two had moved forward, Barney quickly noticed the note and pulled it up, narrowing his eyes a bit to read it. 
 
SUCKER
 
“YOU ASSHOLE, GORDON!!” He yelled as Gordon kept laughing through his crawl.
 
Eventually, Gordon fell right into the office. It wasn’t the most glamorous fall, he knocked off a few things and lost his glasses, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, he was beating Barney, right in front of him! He hadn’t had a win this good in a while!
 
Just as Barney’s head poked through the vent, Gordon stood ready to unlock the door from the inside, still laughing to himself with a toothy smile. He had his hand on the door handle, eyes straight at the vent entrance. 
 
“Gordon…please.” Barney tried to appeal to sympathy with a jokingly sorrowful expression. That wasn’t going to work, though, and he knew it. 
 
One last mischievous grin, and he pushed down the door handle, letting the door swing open.
 
“Oh, Freeman!” Kleiner cheered, rushing straight into the office. “Thank you, thank you! Who knows where I keep putting my keys…”
 
Gordon then tapped on his shoulder and held up the ring of keys, shaking them about to enunciate the jingling sound. 
 
“He’s saying you left them in here.” Barney immediately understood, his quick translation giving Kleiner a scare. 
 
“GAGH! Calhoun! You too?” 
 
“It WOULD’VE been me, but Gordon’s way too damn competitive!” Barney complained, making a much more graceful leap down. This made Gordon scoff, face painted with offence, handing off the keys to their rightful owner. 
  “ Says you! You keep a tally of these! ” He signed with his now free hands.   
“Freeman three, Calhoun five. This was Gordon’s third. I’m still winnin’ overall!” Barney bragged, folding his arms and puffing out his chest. 
  “ See what I mean, Isaac? ” Gordon turned to Kleiner with narrowed, unamused eyes.   
“Win or lose, I get into my office! You think I mind?” Kleiner laughed, finally sitting down at his desk. “…Though, I don’t mean to annoy you Gordon, but I did have my bets on Barney.”
  “ All of you are traitors and dissenters. All of you. ” Gordon scowled, though not without a laugh.   
“He has a better track record! It is simply the truth!”
  “ And yet I found a shortcut. ”  
“You did?” Barney’s attention was piqued. “Where?”
  “ You think I’m telling you? ” Gordon laughed even harder now, having to support his balance on the door. “ Magician’s secret! ”  
“It’s in the computer labs, isn’t it.” 
 
“AGH!” Gordon made an audible yell of frustration at Barney’s immediate correct guess, spreading the laughter at the situation through the room. 
 
Yeah, Gordon had a pretty lousy morning. Bad sleep, coffee for breakfast, a protein bar to see him through the morning, running late, all of that. He needed to kick himself back into shape, lest it start affecting his work. 
 
Things like this, though? They made those lousy mornings all the better. Races with friends, helping a superior, without a word of reprimand or judgement. It made things just a little bit easier. 
 
Gordon struggled, don’t get him wrong. He struggled a lot. Black Mesa was not made for someone like him, and even with all the wrangling (that still didn’t sound like a word), the accommodations made for him were…pretty minimal, in the grand scheme of things. They still wanted their Black Mesa personnel to fit into a neat scientist mould, even to those scientist’s detriment. 
 
He was managing, though. With friends like these, how could he at least not try?
 
“Right, now that we’re aptly sorted, Freeman, Eli wanted to speak with you down near the test chamber! Whatever he wants, It sounded fairly important!” Kleiner explained, noting something unrelated down on a notepad near his desk. 
  “ Got it. I’ll go see him now. ” Gordon stopped resting on the door, instead placing his hand on the handle and beginning to walk out.   
“Hey! I’ll walk ya down Gordon, least I owe ya for that victory!” Barney did a small jog across the office to stand next to his friend. “We’ll see ya ‘round, Doctor Kleiner!”
 
“Take care to not lock the door on your way out!” Kleiner joked, laughing as they shut the door behind them and began to walk to the chamber. 
 
Kleiner thought to himself for a moment. He had noted Gordon’s tired eyes and heavy breathing when he came here, but declined to mention it. He’d fussed over his habits again and again, and it was most likely getting annoying. 
 
Still though, he couldn’t help but be worried. He’d stretched his neck out enough for that boy, it’d be a shame for him to start overexerting himself. 
 
Kleiner sighed, resting back in his office chair. Concern growing on his face. 
 
…He’d bring it up later. 
  “Alright, ready to try?” Gordon couldn’t exactly respond, due to the massive boxing gloves on his hands. He made an annoyed gesture to express that fact.  “…Right. Good point.” Adrian sighed, the boxing pads he was wearing drooping slightly. “Uh…you can do yes or no, right?” Gordon nodded.  “Nodding works. Ready to go?” Adrian held back up the pads on his hands, eyes firm.  Gordon nodded, readying his fists. Though, he looked a little awkward, out of his depth maybe.  “Now, remember, this is just so I can see where you’re at. I need a baseline in order to know what to teach you, after all! So just give this all- WOAGH!”  Gordon didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence, going straight into throwing punches. The pads took hard hits, harder than Adrian was expecting. He found himself pretty impressed with the power he was putting into these throws. Either Black Mesa and the revolution really toughened him up, or he was already competent and just never knew it.  Adrian did recall small discussions he basically eavesdropped on made by the elder remains of Black Mesa’s staff, about the training courses that came with the HEV suits. Though, from the sounds of it, they didn’t seem to involve physical combat, more gun skills for the sake of defence.  For a theoretical physics nerd with all the physical training a facility full of nerds could give him, this was good! Adrian started to vary up the punches Gordon had to do. He’d change the position of the pads on his hands, left, right, up, down, making Gordon react on the fly. He’d miss a few times, but his reaction time had clearly been sharpened over the trials he had to face.  Oddly enough…Adrian actually found himself backing up. Ever so slightly, one of his feet would be displaced, and he’d have to readjust it in time for the next punch, a few centimetres behind him.  Good. A challenge like this was a good sign.  “You’re doing great!” Adrian paid his compliments, grinning as he continued to try to outsmart his sparring partner. This praise only seemed to make Gordon more fired up, his pace speeding up and a small smile gracing his face.  Before long, Adrian had backed up enough to find his back pressed firmly against the wall. He thought he had seen more than enough to work with, so he rested and lowered his hand pads, letting Gordon slow down too.  Though, not without one more punch being thrown, right near Adrian’s head. Gordons, thankfully gloved, fist punched the wall next to Adrians left ear, he only had to tilt his head slightly to dodge it. Gordon stopped, fist still resting on the wall, the two of them heaving out exhausted breaths like anyone would after a good workout.  Gordon raised his head from the floor, looking up at where his fist had landed, and found himself taken aback.  Adrian, head tilted slightly up, eyes looking down toward Gordon because of the height difference. Face red from exertion, sweat barely glistening across, fluffy brown hair resting on his shoulder on one side. Those eyes were half lidded, almost inviting, and Gordon found that the thumb of his glove was mere centimetres away from his new ear piercing.  Gordon's focus was only broken when Adrian hung his head low, breathing heavily with a smile.  “Damn…you tryna kill me?” He laughed, making Gordon realise his punch was basically pinning him to the wall. “Not that I’d mind.” “Aah!” Gordon quickly retracted his hand, tearing off the gloves in order to communicate a million or more ‘sorry!’s as he shuffled back, red faced not from exertion. Not that it was easy to tell the difference. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry! I just- I really got into that!”  “Nah, nah, don’t worry!” Adrian picked his head back up, holding his forehand with his now mitt-free hand, the outstretch of his arm making his tank top rise slightly, exposing hip (not that Gordon was looking). “You’re really good at this, don't apologise for that!”  “…I think I need to sit down.” Gordon sighed as he signed, trying not to look at Adrian for whatever reason. “My heart’s racing.”  “It’s what a good bout of exercise does to you!” Adrian finally pushed off the wall, thank god, and wandered over, patting Gordon on the shoulder. “Stretch it out, I think I can work something out for you now!” Gordon nodded, flinching a little at the touch. He didn’t know whether that was about the sensory input on the shoulder or if it was the fact that it was Adrian, but either way, he was a little beside himself. Still a little flush in the cheeks.  A short time later, the two were sat on the floor of this room, papers of plans scattered around them. Minimal snacks by their sides, a much more relaxed atmosphere.  The little spar they had tired Gordon out, he felt he was too hot in his hoodie, so Adrian offered him one of his t-shirts as well. This did nothing for Gordon’s temperature, but at least it felt less stuffy.   “Do I have to wear all of your clothes?” Gordon huffed, scribbling something down on one of the notes.  “Well, you keep needing them!” Adrian giggled in his retort. “Besides, I haven’t been able to wear many of them. Shit, consider them yours!”  “This is far too big for me to keep.” Gordon pulled on the fabric of the band t-shirt he had on. It was clearly a few sizes over, swamping him a little in fabric.  “You think it's my fault I’m this wonderfully built?” Adrian said, smirking.   “I mean…yeah? You do all the exercise for it.” Gordon’s brow raised. “No ones that buff on accident.”  “Tch. Fair point.” Adrian looked away, pouting. Cute, Gordon found himself idly thinking.   Endearing, he changed that thought before the implications flooded him.  “Anyway, I think band t-shirts are a good look on you.” Adrian changed the subject. “You look like an AC/DC guy.” Oh yeah, the shirt he was wearing was for AC/DC.   “…What does an AC/DC guy look like?” Gordon didn’t know if he wanted the answer.  “You.” Adrian said, response plain. Figures.  
“Can’t argue with that.” 
 “What bands do you listen to, actually?” Adrian then asked, leaning forward slightly. “I realise I never asked! Half of what I talk about is music, I figure I should ask for your taste.” ”Uh…” Gordon made a small, audible murmur, trying to think. “I…liked whatever they were playing on the radio, most of the time.”   “Bah. Boring. Gimme something you actually like.” Adrian crossed his legs and leant his elbow on his knee, his chin cupped in his hand, face graced with a mischievous smirk. “What did you actively go out of your way to listen to?” Gordon thought to himself for a minute, finger resting on his chin.   “…I saw a lot of German techno gigs?” Gordon looked unsure of his answer.  “Wait…in country?” Adrian asked, mouth agape.   “I was studying in Austria in the nineties, so, I’d take the trains and go see industrial shows…” Gordon said, reminiscing on the fact.  “No fucking way. You? German industrial techno gigs? In the NINETIES?!”  
“Granted I don’t remember much of it…” 
 “No shit you don’t remember it, those shows were more drug than gig!” Adrian’s eyes were wide with admiration. “Do you remember any of who you saw?”  “Honestly, no, I just…remember them being good.” Gordon scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile.  “My jealousy is through the roof. I never left the States for anything, let alone a gig!” Adrian whined, his head falling back. When he pulled it back up, he was pouting again. “I mean, I still saw System and Slipknot like, five hundred times so, whatever…”  “You sound like you’re trying to measure up.” It was Gordon’s turn to smirk.  “Maybe I am! Or maybe I just wanna talk about it!”   “Go ahead then. What were the…System, was it? Gigs like.” Gordon rested his cheek on his hand, listening intently.  “Oooh, god, which one was my first one…I went to one of their Sunset Strip tour shows in ‘99, that was fun! Crazy crowds, crazy…though, not as crazy as some of Dani’s stories…” Adrian began to explain, rambling more than a little.   “Dani?” Gordon asked.  “Oh! Danielle, she was…a good friend of mine, when I was a teenager. Took me to a lot of shows. I stayed at her place for most of my best years.” Adrian sighed, looking away wistfully. “Her and her boyfriend Lisa scored all the best tickets they could. Meant we had to fish in dumps and goodwills to find furniture, but I think that only made me better!” Well, one of those things explained a lot, while the other begged even more questions.  
“Boyfriend…? Called Lisa?”
 “Right! Shit, I forget not everyone’s used to that. He was another good friend. Lisa was his stage name, he did a lot of drag and a lot of metal gigs, his entire BAND were made of shitty drag queen names. His government name was Gabriel, if it helps.”   “You’re saying all this like they’re not around.” Gordon half asked, not realising how loaded that sentence was.  “…Well, Dani definitely isn’t.” Adrian responded plainly. “As for Lisa…Seven Hour War took most of the population, right?”  Gordon nodded solemnly.  “Shit…yeah, he wouldn’t have made it long.” Adrian admitted, sighing. “They were legends, though. Have all sorts of stories. They…I owe my life to ‘em.”   “They sounded like good people.” Gordon didn’t have much other than sympathy to give.  “Angels, in fact, for no other reason than being able to put up with me.” Adrian snickered, thankfully lighting up a little bit. “I was a MISERABLE teenager.”  “I mean, who wasn’t?” Gordon shrugged.  “You, probably. I’m just imagining like, you but shorter and with shittier facial hair. You must’ve been a delight to your teachers.” Gordon laughed at that comparison, a full hearty laugh.  
“A pleasure to teach, to be specific.”
 “Duuude, you got that too? It’s just teacher code for ‘Clearly mentally unstable but quiet enough to not bother anyone about it’.” Adrian gasped, hands clasped firm on his crossed knees.   “Oh God, story of my life…” Gordon signed.  “Luckily I started kicking up a fuss by the time I was like, what, fourteen? Started getting way more interesting reports after that.” Adrian leant back on his hands, a lot like how he did back at the scrapyard. “And calls for my arrest, sometimes.” 
“Trying to arrest a teenager. That’s the America I knew.”
 “Right?? I didn’t even do anything bad!! It was only a LITTLE bit of shoplifting!” Adrian outstretched his arms either side as he explained quite loudly. His eyes were wide with disbelief.   “…a little?” Gordon raised a suspicious brow.  “Okay so mayyyyybe I stole a couple hundred or so in booze with my boyfriend at the time and got banned from the Walmart, so what?!” Adrian then shrugged, a distant and annoyed expression on his face.  Gordon made a few faces painted with surprise, not really knowing what to say at first. Eventually, though, his hands came up with something.  
“Boyfriend?” 
 Gordon then wished he could slap himself in the face for mentioning that first. “Oh GOD, don’t remind me of him. Guy called Taylor. We dated for like, fuck, a few months? He was a dick and we were both fifteen though, so, whatever.” Adrian huffed, leaning back slightly.   “I’m going to leave it at that.” Gordon could feel his face burning, mortified that he asked that at all.  ”Besides,” Adrian then pulled himself back up, looking Gordon right in the eyes. “I had MUCH better first loves than that.”  “Like who?” Goddamnit, why does he keep digging this hole for himself?! “Oh, you know! Kate Bush, Bruce Willis, Elvira, Jennifer Tilly- OH! Jennifer Tilly!” He gained an expression that seemed to mix infatuation and admiration. Gordon found himself sighing a little in relief. “You ever watch the Chucky films? She’s AMAZING in them!” Gordon did not watch those films. In fact, he doesn’t remember the last time he ever watched a film. Whether that was because of the most insane couple weeks of his life messing with his memory, or if he really was just that absorbed in his work back then. Either way, he was feeling way out of his depth right now.   “I think you’ve seen way more films than I have.” Gordon signed, trying not to sweat.  “Well, I had all the time in the world!” Adrian grinned wide. “I was living with a goth and a movie buff for four years, we had enough VHS tapes to smother a strider!”  “Honestly, I might’ve been too focused on physics as a kid. I…never did stuff like that.” Gordon glanced aside, wondering why he was even telling him this. “Not that I really regret it, I just…feel like I missed out a little.”  “How old are you again, Freeman?” Adrian tilted his head.  
“Twenty-seven…why?”
 “Oh, fuck, you’re fine!” Adrian slapped his knee, shoulders relaxing. “Plenty of time to catch up! I fished a couple functional-looking tapes from around and about-“  “The skip?” Gordon cocked a brow ”The skip! So if we can find a player, you are the SECOND person I’m inviting to a watch party!” Adrian shuffled in his sitting position, one leg tucked underneath the other, his hand rested on his upright knee, his cheek resting on that.   “Wait, second person?” Gordon pointed to himself, unimpressed. “Who the hell’s the first?”  “Alyx! She wasn’t even alive for most of the greatest movies ever!” Adrian said this as if it was the most obvious answer ever. “I’ve GOTTA show her them!”  “…Can’t argue with that.” Gordon accepted without issue.  They chatted for a while longer, Gordon feeling himself more and more welcomed by Adrian’s presence. He felt…so much more behind than him, and yet, in many ways, they were right in the same situation.  Same facility. Same monsters. Same benefactors.  That just drew Adrian all the closer, in his mind. Gordon still hadn’t sorted all his feelings out about the marine, he had to be honest. There was still a sick, lingering feeling, as well as flashes of memory every time he looked back at the mask he sometimes wore, whether for scouting missions or weapon tests. And yet, the man in front of him was becoming clearer and clearer, like a smudge on Gordon’s glasses had just been wiped clean.  Adrian was (hopefully) enjoying Gordon’s presence too. He seemed to be into the conversation, fidgeting about with each burst of excitement he got when talking about something. The fact that such a smile could be hidden by that mask almost felt like a travesty.  …Gordon’s problem was getting worse.  “What?!” Adrian exclaimed after a particularly damning statement. “Your hair used to be LONG?!”  “Yeah…I used to have a little ponytail, right at the back of my neck. Used to look like a founding father.” Gordon laughed as he signed at his own joke.  “And you CUT IT?! You listened to that voice?!” Adrian looked…distressed.   “I mean…” Gordon didn’t know what to say, much less so when Adrian grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close to make his point.  “Men with long hair are a gift to this cruel, cruel world! NEVER listen to the voice telling you to cut it!”  Their faces were close, and only one of them seemed aware of it. Adrian nevertheless continued.  “That voice is an evil force! EVIL!! Kittens die when a beautiful man cuts his long hair!!” Adrian’s voice was strained, melodramatic. Gordon was finding it hard to tell whether he was joking or not. “Aah…I’m mourning your hair and I haven’t even met it…” Adrian thankfully dropped Gordons collar and pulled back, easing the scientist's pounding heartbeat a tad, then clutched his own hair with comical tears in his eyes. “I’m never letting you go, sweetie…” Was he talking to his hair?  “You’re…passionate, huh?” Gordon stifled his throat, caught up in itself after the close counter, and signed, trying not to look at him.  “Of course I am!!” Adrian’s arms dropped, he looked offended. “They forced me to cut mine for the marines, you know! I cried for like, five hours that night, I felt like I was losing family!”  “…I’ll keep it in mind.” Gordon said, feeling the back of his head where his ponytail used to be. “The guys at Black Mesa had bets on whether I would get rid of it or not, a lot of them didn’t really like it-“  “UNCULTURED!” Adrian blurted out. It was getting more and more clear that he was doing a bit, but the opinions definitely still held true. “Honestly, a travesty. Can’t believe I could’ve had long haired Freeman…” 
“You could’ve had…?”
 “Yes, we could’ve had.” Adrian corrected, drawing no attention to his actual mistake. Gordon didn’t think it best to bring that up. “But anyway, never even think about it again. Corporal’s orders.”  “Can you even order me to do that?” Gordon signed, amused.  “If Sarge could order me to cut my hair, I can order you to grow yours. We’re clear?”  Gordon laughed a little, finding himself liking Adrian’s company. He…he was fun to talk to.   “Sir yes sir.” He signed with an eye roll and a large smile, unable to stop himself from grinning.  “Now!” Adrian slapped the floor, as if he was slapping a planning table in a tactics room to gather attention. “I’ve just thought of some ideas for your training in the meanwhile. Care to hear?” Gordon nodded with a bit too much enthusiasm, admittedly. Adrian seemed to like it though.  “Great!” He pulled back in a few papers he stashed aside, clicking a pen and putting it in between his teeth as he sorted them, before taking it back out and marking a large circle in one. “So, I was thinking…” The training plans started to be aired, Adrian explaining them with zeal only matched by his passion for hair before. This scattered range of obsessions, zipping from one to another with the drop of a hat, Gordon found it admirable.  After all, Freeman had dedicated himself to one field most likely by the time he was seven, and stuck to it for life, giving no end of grief to his family and teachers. He was happy with that, don’t get him wrong. Sometimes, though, he felt like he was looking over the fence at someone with a completely different type of life. Something scattered, something erratic, almost free. And yet, directionless. No plan whatsoever. How Adrian did that, Gordon didn’t know. It sounded…honestly, quite scary. Maybe it was.  It was enlightening though, listening to him.  Gordon still had his problem, it was probably going to get worse. He felt something within his chest flutter a little as he thought about all this, about how different the man in front of him was and yet, how similar they ended up.  Maybe this problem was one he could stick with, though. For a while at least.   
Many years before
 
“THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!”
 
Echoes words erupted from the bathroom, a strained and hysterical voice. Two figures stood outside the door, awkward, arms folded, not knowing much of what to do. 
 
“Uh…Adrian?” Dani knocked gently. “You…doing okay?”
 
“Does it sound like he’s okay in there?” Lisa’s eyes narrowed with confusion. 
 
“I don’t know! I don’t know how to handle these things!” Dani exclaimed back with gestures and expressions of equal panic. 
 
“We were not built for parenthood, Jesus…” Lisa pinched the bridge of his nose. “Adrian…Adrian, what’s happened?” He then tried to ask, leaning against the door. 
 
“FUCKNG TAYLOR!” Adrian yelled back, the voice descending into sobs. 
 
Oh shit. 
 
“Taylor?!” Dani whispered with urgency, looking to Lisa. “I thought-“
 
“Oh boy. Breakup blues.” Lisa sighed. “What happened with Taylor?”
 
“Babe- babe, you’ve got that look again.” Dani tugged on Lisa’s sleeve. 
 
“What look?”
 
“Like you’re about to beat up a fifteen-year-old after this conversation.”
 
“Depending on what it is, I’ll just talk to him-“ Lisa tried to defuse. 
 
“Oh ‘just talk to him’ my ass!” Dani held her face in her hands. “Listen I didn’t like Taylor either, but I’m not bailing your ass out again for beating someone up!”
 
“Listen, I’m gonna ask Adrian first, THEN talk to him,” Lisa explained, hand on the bathroom doorknob. “Can I come in?”
 
A sniff came from the other side, as well as the sound of running water. 
 
“Whatever.” Adrian answered, weak. His cracking voice resonated in the echo chamber of a room. 
 
Lisa and Danielle looked to each other, anxious. They both nodded, eyes firm, and Lisa turned the doorknob. 
 
The scene the two came to…was messy, to say the least. 
 
Adrian had just gotten home himself, clearly. He was still in his full hoodie and jeans, the ends of the latter wet with spilt water. His sneakers were drenched too. He hung over the sink, heaving out each breath like it would be his last. Strands of brown hair were scattered across the room, including large clumps on the edge of the sink and the floor. 
 
Adrian’s hair was cut short, with a pair of sewing scissors left askew atop the toilet. 
 
He was sobbing buckets. 
 
“Oh, Jesus Christ…” Lisa’s mouth was agape. 
 
“Adrian??” Dani rushed in, kneeling by where he stood, meeting him at his level. “Shit…”
 
“That fucking…asshole…” Adrian wiped his face, though it didn’t do much for the tear stains.
 
“Shit, what did he do?” Lisa walked in after, arms folded and expression concerned. “I’ll kill him, if needs be!”
 
“Lisa!” Dani hissed. 
 
“What?!”
 
“He…” Adrian began, feeling his chest heave. “I caught him with his friends, they were…he was calling me his girlfriend! Saying he scored a ‘tomboy’ or some shit!” His head dove into the sink as he broke into more crying. Dani and Lisa both looked furious. “He never saw me as a guy…”
 
“I’m killing him.”
 
“Lisa, not right now.” Dani grabbed her boyfriend’s arm before he could leave. “Adrian first.”
 
“Right, fair.” Lisa shuffled back over and leant on the other side of Adrian, closer to the toilet. “I will kill him though, kid, cross my heart.”
 
“Thanks…” Adrian wiped his face again. “…Fuck, my hair…”
 
“I was gonna ask, you really liked your hair. Why the cut?” Lisa approached the subject gently but casually. He knew well how to talk. 
 
“I dunno, I just…after I got home, I looked here and I thought how much…how much I looked like a girl in the mirror, still. And I just…fuck, I just lost it.” Adrian took some toilet roll absently and wiped away what he could with the tissue. 
 
“With my sewing scissors?”
 
“With your sewing scissors, yes…” Adrian glanced aside with shame. 
 
“It ain’t the worst thing those scissors have been used for.” Lisa patted Adrian’s shoulder, almost proud. “Plus, you haven’t fucked it up too much…” He took a look at exactly how Adrian cut it, some fumbled attempt at a pixie. Not bad, but…certainly not good. Still, salvageable. 
 
“Better worry more about the bathroom…” Dani sighed to herself, eyes darting around. 
 
“Noooot the point right now.” Lisa pointed to her, then turned it back to Adrian. “I’m thinking…shave the sides, small mohawk?”
 
“What?” Adrian cocked a brow, almost too astounded to keep crying. 
 
“Well, you try going short, I’ll go even shorter! Shannon in my band, he’s got a mohawk that could stab a bird out of the air, you should try it!” Lisa shaped said style out of some of the frayed hair at the top of Adrian’s head. “You could make it work!”
 
“…Could you try?” Adrian asked shyly, his voice cracking a little. 
 
“Course! What else am I for, being chopped liver?” Lisa laughed, the first laugh in that room. “Later though. I think we all need a break.” He then ruffled what was left of Adrian’s hair with a smile. 
 
“Hey…if I can interrupt…” Dani raised a finger, hiding something behind her back with her other hand. “I do have some good news, if it’ll take your mind off of this.”
 
Adrian and Lisa both turned, attention fully caught. 
 
“You know how I met that doctor lady at my job the other month, the one who said she was gonna become a regular?” Dani began, voice swinging like she was building up to something. 
 
“Oh, who was she…I saw her at one of our gigs…Mae, right?” Lisa clicked his fingers a few times, searching for the name in his mind before eventually getting it. 
 
“Doctor Mae Skye, yeah! I’ve been talking a bit more with her, turns out, she had some contacts. Those contacts then had some contacts, so on and so forth.” Dani was struggling to the thing beiden her back, the boys leaning different ways to try to get a look. “Turns out, one of her contacts was able to help me with something!”
 
”What is it?” Adrian did the last rub of his eyes, with the ends of his wet sleeves in order to ease the ache a bit. Then, those eyes widened with astonishment and awe when Dani revealed what was behind her back. 
 
“Got you your testosterone, Shep!” Danielle grinned wide, proud of her achievement. “It’s not the most official stuff, but it works! Doctor Skye said she’s willing to help monitor you on the downlow as well!” 
 
The bottle of liquid cure sat nicely in the palm of her hand, presented like a gift right from the heavens. He’d heard about this stuff. He’d read about this stuff. The second he left home, he was searching every library, old magazine shelf and dumpster he could for articles and information about this serum that would save him. 
  A reason to live, right in front of him. The reason to live.   
He could cry all over again. He just might. 
 
Instead, he dove right into Dani’s arms, giving her the tightest hug he could and muffling his happy tears in her shoulder. She returned the hug in earnest, her arms squeezing him even tighter. 
 
“Soon enough, Taylor won’t be able to ignore the fact that you’re a man anymore.” She said into his ear with a warm smile.
 
“Thank you…” Adrian sniffed. “Thank you so so so much…”
 
“You’re family, Adrian. It’s what I gotta do for you.” 
 
Lisa decided to join in the hug, barely keeping himself together. He hugged Adrian from behind, his arms wrapping around the two of them the best he could. All knelt on a hair covered, waterlogged bathroom floor. 
 
“Jesus…testosterone? You fuckin’ legend, Dani, that stuff’s regulated to shit!” Lisa said through tears. 
 
“I get good contacts! You won’t believe the types I encounter trying to get more shots after they’ve been cut off!” Dani laughed, though weakly, stifling her own tears at the two’s high running emotions. 
 
“Aw, god…How late is it now?” Lisa looked up and asked, remembering that there isn’t a clock in the bathroom. 
 
“Eleven thirty, or something.” Dani said, easing up on the hug slightly. 
 
“Oh god…” Adrian groaned, pulling away as much as he could. “I have class tomorrow.”
 
“Ought. Tough break kid. Can’t have it all!” Lisa snickered. 
 
“I just broke up with my boyfriend and I have a history essay due, I don’t think I’m having much right now.” Adrian’s voice sarcastically dragged out as he turned to look at him, unimpressed. 
 
“You’ve got something!” Dani pointed to the bottle of testosterone again. “Bright side!”
 
Adrian nodded, a dumb smile on his face. Despite the late time and the emotional highs of the evening, he still didn’t feel that tired. Maybe that would change, maybe it wouldn’t. For now, though, he needed something to keep him peppy after the joy of his new medication getting solidified. 
 
“…We haven’t had a watch night in a while, have we?”
 
Lisa made an excited ‘oooooooh!’ sound, drumming on his knees. 
 
“Hm, you’re right.” Dani put a finger to her chin. “Any suggestions?”
 
Adrian didn’t really have any, his mind was a bit scrambled as is. However, behind him, Lisa was rattling and stammering to say something, voice like a jackhammer. 
 
“Alright.” Dani then rolled her eyes with a smirk. “What did you bring in now?”
 
“Ooh! Right, right, Shep you are gonna LOVE this, I managed to score this box set of this show from Japan, it is REALLY good!” Lisa stood on command, starting to crack back open the bathroom door so they could go. “Ever heard of Evangelion?”
 
“I…might’ve seen an ad for it?” Adrian tilted his head, an inquisitive look on his face. He stood up, along with the others, shaking off what leaky sink water got into his clothes. “What’s it like?”
 
“Oooh! It’s got giant robots and sad teenagers and pretty girls! You’d love it, kiddo!”
 
“Are you sure you’re understanding the show correctly?” Dani folded her arms with a suspicious eye. 
 
“Awww, whatever! C’mon!” He pulled open the door fully and raced downstairs. “I’ll set up the player!”
 
Danielle and Adrian watched him rush out, feet pounding down the stairs like a six year old on Christmas morning. It probably felt like such for him, he took a great amount of joy in showing people the gems of his collection, including the really-hard-to-get stuff. He had some rarities!
 
“That nerd.” Dani watched him go, smiling with affection. Then, she turned back to Adrian and patted him on the head, ruffling his hair a bit. “You alright?”
 
“About to be better.” Adrian‘s smile was offset by a huff. He glanced around the room, seeing the remains of his hair still absolutely everywhere. “Oh…man…”
 
“We’ll sort it later. I’ve had worse breakup haircuts anyway!” Dani then patted his shoulder and started walking out, holding the door open for him to follow. “You just sit down, I’ll grab us some drinks!”
 
Adrian stood for a moment, a bit astounded. He hadn’t thought about it in the moment, but there was a background part of his consciousness worried that he’d get his shit wringed out for causing this much of a mess in the bathroom. Even during the sobbing, he felt the water on the floor and had his heart sink at how mad people would be at him. 
 
Yet, Dani simply brushed it off as a later problem. Empathised, even, that these things happen. No matter how many times she had defied Adrian’s paranoid expectations, he was still surprised at her kindness. 
 
Or maybe this was the bare minimum. He still hadn’t sorted out those feelings yet. 
 
When they had gotten downstairs, Lisa had already set up prime watch party conditions. The couch Adrian slept on had been pulled right in front of the TV, thrifted and handmade blankets draped all over, cushions upon cushions upon cushions. He knew how to make a setup. 
 
Adrian dropped himself right onto the couch, feeling the exhaustion of what had all occurred hit him all at once. Lisa sat down on his left side, sipping from an apple juice carton that had no doubt had it’s contents replaced with some form of alcohol. 
 
“Isn’t this a Thursday?” Adrian asked. 
 
“Isn’t it nearly midnight?” Lisa fired back. Adrian couldn’t argue with that, so he shrugged and leaned back, letting the cushion chasm take him into the abyss. 
 
Dani came in and sat on his right, glasses and bottles in her arms. Juices, off brand cola, even off-er brand alcohol. They had to get the cheap stuff, they were saving up for Slipknot tickets after all. She poured out some drinks and handed them around, warning Adrian to take it easy on his. 
 
“You’ve got class tomorrow, I don’t want the staff on my ass because you walk in there hungover.”
 
“Tell him that!” Adrian pointed to Lisa, still sipping on his straw. “He’s got work!”
 
“You too, babe.”
 
“Awwww…” Lisa visibly drooped, though no serious issue was caused. Since, you know, he kept sipping. 
 
“Can you at least operate the remote?” Dani snickered, taking a swig from her own glass. 
 
Lisa answered by doing so, lifting the remote and shaking it with a smile, before leaning back and turning the TV on. 
 
When the show ran, the three were sucked in. Usually, they’d make a few jokes, commentate, Statler and Waldorf whatever they were watching a little. Here? They were all clutching to every frame like it was a hypnotic trance. 
 
Danielle and Lisa fell asleep first. Dani had dropped her drink, letting it spill. Lisa was being suffocated in his sleep by a few of the cushions, there was always a downside to something great. 
 
Adrian, swamped by blankets and lit only by the glow of the screen, slowly began to fall under sleep’s spell too. His eyes fluttered, then hung low, as he felt the world slip from him. 
 
He could sleep here. He should sleep here. 
 
He wanted to sleep here, surrounded by those who love him. 
 
Consciousness drifted, slowly, slowly, into a nice and sound sleep. The TV continued to play, mecha combat lighting the three on the couch and not much else. 
 
Adrian’s head fell a little. He was out.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Alyx, for once in her life, was bored.  You’d think, with all the firefighting and hacking and training she would often do, she'd never have a day of rest in her life. However, with the portal storms on the horizon and the Black Mesa scientist team working on a rocket to stop it, she found herself with tragically little to do.  During the few times she was in this predicament, she’d head out back and play with D0G. What else could she do?  The meadow plains painted with forest and rock, freshly dried from last night's rain out back of the facility, made Alyx’s nose sting with a sensation she hadn’t enjoyed in a while. The smell of wet grass.  D0G bounded over from the roof of White Forest, leaping and parading the excitement that he got to play once again.  “Good to see ya, D0G!” Alyx petted the top of his face, the robotic flap on the scanner head folding under her touch. “Things have slowed down, got some time now!” D0G looked astoundingly pleased, running a lap and something around this grassy nook to exert all the excited energy. Then, he came back around and sat politely in front of Alyx, still jittering a fair bit. “You up to play, boy? You up to play?” She patted on her knees and asked with a playful tone, causing D0G to jump around more. “Well, let’s see if we can-“ She then stopped in her tracks and glanced around.  Fuck, Gordon still had the gravity gun, didn’t he? “Ah, shit!” Alyx hit her forehead with the bottom of her hand. “I’m sorry, I…Gordon still has the-“ The doors behind them opened, causing them both to look its way. Someone stood in it, casually, holding something familiar with one hand and resting on a cane in the other. She lifted up that familiar object and shook it a little, showcasing its presence.  “Looking for this, Alyx?” A friendly voice chirped, Alyx lighting up at the sound. She was holding the gravity gun with one hand, although struggling with its weight a tad. “Doctor Neena!” She rushed over, taking the gun out of her hand and placing it aside so she could give her a hug. “Ah! Beta, we only saw each other a few days ago!” Neena laughed, returning the hug twicefold. Then, when she pulled away, she rested her extra-robotic looking cane back onto the ground. “Still aren’t used to being in one place, huh?” “How could I ever be?” Alyx admitted, folding her arms. “How’d you get the gun?” “Doctor Freeman left it aside at his workstation, and you know how sneaky I can be!” She held a finger to her mouth with a cheeky smile, causing Alyx to laugh with her.  Doctor Neena Sodhi, among many things, was a good friend and close confidant of Alyx Vance. They had bonded quite a bit over the years, Neena often working on the tech that let the rebellion keep their guard up. Hackers follow hackers, and all that.  The hijacked turrets, modified scanners, her own cane, even the rocket that would stop the portal storms for good, were all at least partially her work. Naturally, Alyx followed closely in her footsteps.  There was a personal element to their relationship, too, though neither of them really mentioned it.  “You’re still forever the troublemaker…” Alyx lamented, though without any real sorrow. “Honestly, how did the robotics team handle you?” “I led them, dummy!” Neena snorted. “I give them good work, I take their office pens! A fair trade, don’t know about you.” “Aaagh, whatever…” Alyx threw her hands up, hauling the gravity gun into her arms and wandering further out, right towards D0G, who had been sat patiently.  “Awww, hello D0G!” Neena gave a wave and a bright smile. A strand of one of her few grey hairs fell out of her bun, so she blew it out of the way of her face. “Playing, are we?” “That’s the plan!” Alyx readied the gun, looking around for anything she could pull and throw. Instead, D0G ran off and grabbed a big but not threatening abandoned pipe.  “Seems he’s ready to go!” Neena set her cane behind her, and the four prongs at the bottom rooted into the ground. The middle portion expanded, until it became a chair, letting her sit down and rest.  “I’m still amazed by that thing.” Alyx had watched it transform with awe in her eyes, they almost sparkled. “You gotta teach me.” “The day you’ll need it, Alyx, that’s the day I’ll teach you.” Neena insisted, as if she’s said this many times before. “By the way, lead pipe.” She then pointed upwards, regarding with a rather casual tone the metal pipe D0G had thrown flying straight towards them.  “aaaAAAGGH!” Alyx screamed, cranking on the gun before her brain processed that she was still holding it. The pipe stopped about two meters from their heads, and Neena gave a half sarcastic applause. “Wahey!! No brain injuries today!” “Don’t laugh!!” “No offence, Alyx, I’m absolutely laughing.” Neena’s voice was stifled by giggles. “D0G really got’cha there.” “Hey, D0G, alert me when you throw something at me!!” Alyx cried, shooting the pipe back for the robot to catch easily with one hand, definitely not rubbing it in at all. “Cheeky little…” “He’s your robot. For sure.” Neena lifted up her left leg so her foot rested on the seat, then rested her hand, stacking her cheek, both on the knee. “I remember helping you with your upgrades on this guy when you were, say, this high!” She used her free hand to illustrate a very short person.  “And look how far he’s come!” Alyx smiled, starting to catch some of the objects he was throwing.  “Heard around the grapevine he took down a strider when you two arrived here. What I wouldn’t give to see that…” She glanced aside, smirking, knowing that was probably her side of the programming.  “Oh, god yeah! We thought he was a goner for a moment afterwards, though, scared the hell out of me!” “I’ll add shields to him. D0G come here-“ “Nooooo, not right now! Noooo edits right now!” Alyx put down the gravity gun. “He’s durable as is, you need to focus on other things “I could still give him a retractable one.” Neena sat up and folded her arms. “Could probably fit it in his arm.” “We have a rocket to finish, remember!” Alyx narrowed her eyes, smiling. “I have a rocket to finish.” Neena corrected, adjusting her glasses. “You need to keep scouting and gathering supplies.” “Shoot, right…” Alyx cringed a little, remembering some missions she really needed to go on. “I was meant to take Adrian on a supply run the other day…” She hung her lead low, sitting down on the grass beside Neena’s impromptu chair.  “Adrian…man, I never thought I’d see him again.” Neena looked up to the sky in contemplation.  “You knew him, right? He told me a story from Black Mesa. You were there.”  “I did indeed, Alyx m’dear. He…” Neena’s sentence hung in the air for a moment, she was searching for the words in the clouds. “He was commanding the bravest group of men I’ve ever met.” “I’m sure he’d disagree.” Alyx chuckled, though very weakly. It came out more as a small exhale than anything. “He doesn’t speak too positively of the Marines. Stockholm syndrome, I think he called it.” “Well, I’m just saying what I saw at the time. I saw a group of terrified, but brave men, doing their best in our awful, awful situation.” Neena was fidgeting with her hands. “Sam especially. He walked me through half the entire facility, even with shaky hands.” “Sam sounded lovely, from yours and Adrian’s words.” Alyx said. “Him and Mason.” “Oh god, poor Mason…” Neena sighed, eyes now cast down. “He was crying nearly the entire drive out. Just a little boy, I wonder what got him in the Marines…” “Adrian’ll tell you all sorts of colourful words about that.”  “I don’t doubt it.” The two sat in a solemn silence for a moment, letting the air hang. D0G wandered over and, reading the mood, sat patiently. He was awaiting further instruction, but not much came for a while. Neena felt sick to her stomach thinking about it all again. The state she was in, her coworkers scared faces, the feeling of her son kicking about amidst all the pain in her body. Aching, aching, aching, everything ached. Thinking about it made tears well up in the corner of her eyes.  Alyx wringed her hands together as she pondered what she’d been told. Not just what Adrian and Neena reflected on, but everything. The distant looks in their eyes when they talked stirred Alyx’s anxiety. Whether they stifled their words and what they talked about, or just let it all spill out onto the floor like vocabularic vomit.  Black Mesa took so much from them. From the people they loved.  Skies overhead continued to shift. The clouds moved ever so slightly, only breaking occasionally to let a tinge of blue peek through. D0G shifted, getting fidgety. He was the only robot any of the people here knew that could get fidgety. Maybe he sensed their distress, maybe he had just been sat for a while, who knew?  He shuffled closer to Alyx, and nuzzled his scanner head against hers, offering a hug.  She took it without a word, wrapping an arm around him and sighing.  Neena looked toward the two, sighing with relief. She hadn’t had a good think about everything like that in a while, and these two were good anchors to keep her mind within this realm.  After all, what Black Mesa and the war took from her… “D0G…You think we’re gonna be alright?” Alyx asked, not knowing if it was rhetorical or not. She got her answer in a calm, robotic backpat.  “We’ll manage, I think.” Neena said with a calm tone. “We have to.” “I hope we will…” Alyx wiped something from her eyes and pulled back, crossing her legs and staring right at the ground. “It’s just…It’s been stressful lately, and whenever I think about Black Mesa…” “Me too, Alyx. Honestly, me too.” Neena smiled, weak but firm. “But we’ve survived that. You’ve survived twenty four years. Hell, you survived being raised by your father, that’s the hardest trial of all!” She let out a small ‘heh’ sound before continuing. “What’s another battle?” “Yeah…” Alyx nodded, as if convincing herself. “I think we can manage.” “That’s my girl!” Neena reached over and ruffled her hair.  “Hey! Neena, you just said, I’m twenty four! Can’t still be doing that!” Alyx pointed accusingly, despite being unable to help her own smirk.  “Yes I can and yes I will, you’re forever this team’s baby!” Neena declared, pointing right back. “Even when another kid comes along, you’re the baby.” “Adrian’s literally younger!” “He’s also twice my size, your point?”  “Okay, no, that’s fair.” Alyx dropped it, huffing a little about her loss.  “…He does have a bit of a babyface though.” Neena admitted, putting a finger to her chin.  “That might just be you.” Alyx’s expression thinned.  “Agh, whatever!” Neena dismissed the topic with a literal handwave. “Actually, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” “Hm?” Alyx perked up, like a rabbit hearing a twig crack.  “Have you investigated any more into the Ravenholm explosion?” She asked, folding her arms and crossing one leg over another. “People have been asking around.” “Not much…We can’t look at the moment because the explosion made Combine swarm the area, and Adrian still won’t talk about it.” Alyx bit her lip. “It’s funny, he’s quite cheery and relaxed any other time, but you ask him about Ravenholm and he just…clams up.” “Must’ve been nasty. Those types don’t clam up easily.” “That’s what I was thinking. He spilled out everything about Black Mesa without much prompting, but Ravenholm…” Alyx contemplated with a grim look, tapping her fingers on her knee.  “The boy was found battered about thirty feet away, wasn’t he?” Neena asked, resting her chin on her hand. “Like he’d been hit by a bomb.” “I’m still wondering how he’s recovering from his wounds. Apparently that PCV suit saved him, but I’m still worried.” Alyx sighed out, looking ahead.  “You’ve a heart of gold Alyx.” Neena patted her on the shoulder firmly, a proud smile on her face. “That boy might need us at any time, so you keep that attitude.” Just as she said that, the doors behind them opened once again. They both turned to look, and so did D0G.  The silhouette in the doorway, speaking of the devil, was Adrian Shephard. More casual clothes, a hairpin tying his hair back with the full undercut on show, and… Was that Gordon’s hoodie under his arm?  
A month or so ago. 
 
“What the hell are you…?”
 
Adrian’s face was carved into something between disgust and confusion. Maybe complete befuddlement, it was hard to tell in the orange rays of the evening light. 
 
A horde of zombies had just been dispatched, their hands now dripping with blood, and their guns a few shells shorter compared to before. The group lay on the floor around them, deader than they had been. 
 
Father Grigori seemed to take this as an opportunity to start ripping the headcrabs from the faces of their hosts, prying off each creature with the help of his knife.
 
“Gettin’ headcrabs.” Grigori unhelpfully explained. 
 
“I can see that.” Adrian folded his arms, face unchanged. “Why?”
 
“We need food tonight, don’t we boy?” Grigori looked up and grinned just as he pried off a claw from the inside of a dead woman’s head. 
 
“…That’s not food.”
 
“Course it is! Our supplies ran out, I’m gathering more! What do you want from me?” Grigori shrugged, tearing out the crab and stuffing it into a small sack. 
 
“I don’t know, normalcy?!” Adrian’s expression was slowly dropping. 
 
“You know you’ll never get that, boy! Now, help me with these poor bastards, I can’t tear them all out myself.” Grigori beckoned him over with a hand. “You have a knife, you have the strength, work a little!”
 
“This is going to be hard to explain to the big man…” Adrian mumbled as he knelt down by a corpse, wincing at the bloodied mess of the headcrabs that were on it. He had no idea why he was playing along with this idiocy, honestly. Grigori, from what Adrian had observed, was utterly mad. A good man, a great killer, but ultimately mad. Adrian had met some priests in his time, a few that really should’ve looked upon themselves before facing God with a smile, but Grigori was…
 
Grigori dug a headcrabs from between two bodies and exclaimed with a smile, “Ah, perfect! The non-latched ones taste better!”
 
He was much more interesting. 
 
Adrian looked down at the corpse he was about to further deface, a sickening feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Maybe it was vomit, maybe it was guilt, those two were easy to confuse. Nevertheless, he slid out his knife and began carving. 
 
Even the word ‘carving’ felt wrong, nasty, in this instance. 
 
Peeling? 
 
Oh God, no, peeling’s worse. 
 
Adrian’s resolve fell onto the word ‘taking’, it felt a lot less visceral. Not that it helped the actual action, his stomach still quivered as he felt the mouth of the crab slowly peel off with the slide of his knife. It made a nauseating noise, something alike to peeling a stubborn sticker, and yet it didn’t sound like that at all. 
 
Eventually, it came off, the gnawed and scarred face underneath sending chills down Adrian’s spine. Trying not to look, he tossed the crab over to Grigori. 
 
“Uh…any good?” Why the hell was Adrian asking that?!
 
“Good enough!” Grigori answered, no elaboration on what the criteria for ‘good enough’ was. “Come along, boy, we should move. People often raise questions when they see a pile of dead bodies.”
 
“Uh-huh.” Adrian sheathed his knife and hauled his bag back onto his back. “How’d you find that one out?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. 
 
“Oh, just come on!” Grigori swung his whole arm to beckon, chuckling to himself at that gag. “Nothing but jokes, you are…”
 
“The jokes have stopped you from eating me for sustenance, I think they’re worthwhile.” Adrian continued, catching up with a small jog. 
 
“Hah!” Grigori let that laugh slip out loudly. “That’s still a possibility, you know!”
 
“Not if I get you first.” Adrian’s expression remained still, except for a small shift in his lips, curling to form a smirk. “I’m definitely faster.”
 
“Do not get cocky, if it came to it, I could absolutely kill you.”
 
“Oh, yeah, your whole traps schtick. I definitely wasn’t trained in that, no siree.” 
 
“I don’t like your tone.” Grigori narrowed his eyes. 
 
“God.” Adrian finally broke into a small laugh. “You sound like my parents.”
 
Even though Adrian was bright, chuckling at that exchange, something unnerved Grigori about what he said. 
 
He could tell these sorts of things, a man in his field would develop such a skill. When people under a priests guiding start spilling their own worries, even in the jokes they crack or the observations they make, they sense it. 
 
Being a priest was being a guide, a shepherd even, after all. A community figure, someone to look to, someone to confide in. Grigori was recalling some of the members of his original congregation and the problems they faced, having no one to go to but him. 
 
A young couple scorned by their families, who he consoled and prayed for as they planned their escape. He had provided names of other churches he knew well, so that they had support wherever they ended up. 
 
An older man nearing his death, with no family to see him off. Not a Christian, just a man who needed to be seen off. It was a quiet afternoon, and the window in the hospital room was open. His last chat was about species of birds. 
 
A boy, scared of monsters in his house at night. His parents had no clue how to get him to sleep, for he just searched and searched to confirm his fear-induced suspicions. He listened to that boy's endless rambles about what he thought was hidden, playing along and explaining what they could be to satiate curiosity. 
 
Issues upon issues, Grigori began to see them in everyone and everywhere. Even after the war, after the shelling of Ravenholm, when he thought he couldn’t sink lower, the Lord provided him with signs of who he used to be. 
 
He gave in. 
 
“Tell me of your parents.” He said, without thinking ahead. “Your face isn’t favourable of them.”
 
“Oh God…” Adrian huffed, and Grigori knew he was onto something. “You wouldn’t have liked them. Nasty pair.”
 
“Specifics? Nasty does not give me much to work with.”
 
“…Fundamentalists.”
 
Bingo. 
 
“Right! Right, I forget, you are American. I have seen about two of that type in my life, and it was two too many!” Grigori did his best to keep the mood light, a key part of getting people to initially open up. 
 
“Get ready to hear about two more!” Adrian grimaced, only to be stopped in his tracks. 
 
“Hold the thought. I think we can set up camp here for the night.” Grigori said, gesturing to the area with the same arm he stopped Adrian with. “Best not stress out our walking with such talk.”
 
Adrian nodded in firm agreement and pulled his backpack off. Zipping it open, he began to pull out the camp supplies. The honey-coloured sun sank over the horizon, and by nightfall, a small camp had been established. It was makeshift, don’t get either of them wrong, but all they needed here was a night. 
 
The campfire crackled, burning strong. The surrounding area had been blessed, to keep whatever’s around at bay (in Grigori’s view, at least). Small wraps meant to be alike to sleeping bags sat either side. Adrian lay down on the grass, arms behind his head, staring up at the stars. Clear minded. 
 
“So, to continue with our little conversation,” Grigori hauled up the sack nearby, starting to unload the headcrab bodies. “You can say whatever, I have no place to judge! Not in these wastelands…”
 
“Ah, Christ, where to begin…” Adrian sighed heavily, not moving his gaze. “I grew up catholic. Church every Sunday, pray at every meal, that type of family. They weren’t always utterly mad, I remember things being relatively normal when I was really small.”
 
“Could just be memory clouding the truth.” Grigori was starting a process of chopping the headcrab limbs. “I’ve seen such a thing before.”
 
“Honestly, could be.” Adrian admitted, head shifting slightly. “I know for certain they started losing their minds after my little brother was born.”
 
Grigori remained silent, but nodded to encourage him to continue. 
 
“I don’t know much, I was pretty young when he was born, but apparently my mom nearly died. After she got back from the hospital, both my parents started…descending.” Adrian felt the words falling out of his mouth, tumbling down into the fire nearby and sizzling up into smoke. “Getting…really into their faith. More than ever.”
 
“Post-partum?” Grigori asked, causing Adrian to look his way. 
 
“Whassat?”
 
“Form of psychosis after birth. A friend of mine, after she had her daughter, she started cleaning every room with bleach, thinking the entire place to be dirty. Had me bless the place a few times too!” Grigori let out a weak laugh. “I assume it’s the same principle.”
 
“Might’ve been, then. I don’t know…result was the same. We started memorising passages from the bible, switched to a Christian school, all that shit. Really, really got into it.” Adrian was wincing slightly. “Got really…hostile, as well. We got scrutinised for every little thing. God’s eyes felt particularly close.”
 
Grigori’s silence was solemn. 
 
“I…well, a lot happened, when I became a teenager, and they got sick of me. So, I was out on the street.”
 
“Teenager?” Grigori asked, finishing the last headcrab leg. “How old?”
 
“I was fourteen when I was on the streets,” Adrian stated this as plainly as anything else. “Bounced around a few houses of friends for a while. Spent a night on the street. You know, usual stuff.”
 
“I’m…” Grigori held the de-limbed headcrab in his hands for a second, not looking at Adrian at all. He didn’t know what expression his face was painted with, but he could take a guess at somewhere between pity and abject horror. “I’m sorry.”
 
“Nothing you can be sorry about. Besides, I fell in with some good people afterwards. So, it’s whatever.” Adrian shrugged, feeling the grass beneath his shoulders shift. “I had to leave a lot behind, including my brother. But, I don’t think I’d be alive if they hadn’t booted me, so…can’t be upset, right?”
 
“…That’s your call, boy, not mine.” Grigori smiled, though anxiously, and stuck a headcrab onto the makeshift spit above the fire. “I share sympathies, though. Christ should be a guide, yet I have seen many fall for diluted messages…”
 
“Like you?” 
 
The question stopped Grigori in his tracks. He looked at Adrian with a suspicious eye. 
 
“What? You get to probe me with questions, ‘bout time you had one back!” Adrian let out a small laugh, legs shifting. “Besides, don’t think many priests mumble hymns before blowing the brains out of a zombie with a double barrel.”
 
Grigori was holding back a laugh of his own, and he didn’t know if it was born of Adrian’s wit or his own discomfort. This is probably what he deserved for his questions into a man’s family, though, so the least he could do is oblige. Even for just a moment. 
 
“Oh, I was much worse beforehand. Being alone in this wasteland muddies your relationship to God.” He began, turning the spit to cook the crabs. “…I fear I nearly lost my mind before I was chased out of my old preaching grounds. Pulling you out of the dirt might’ve rounded out my mind a tad!”
 
“Hm…guess you have a lot to thank me for then, huh?” Adrian’s smirk was palpable in the air. 
 
“Indeed.” Grigori shifted. “I…I had a beloved congregation, once. Small town, must be east of here. I watched over every person within. Led their prayers and such.”
 
“You do have a ‘wise but mad old sage’ kind of vibe. Bet your sheep loved you.”
 
“Mad, perhaps!” Grigori chuckled, finishing up the first crab. “The combine eventually came and…well…you can imagine what happened. I was the only survivor of my town.”
 
Adrian remained quiet at this. Somber, maybe? Contemplative, definitely. The smell of roasted headcrab seemed to be bothering him, but he was trying not to let it show on his face. 
 
“After that, It was small group after small group. Slowly being whittled down time and time again. Then, I came to Ravenholm, our destination!” Grigori shuffled back, indicating to the rest of the headcrabs on the spit. “Eat, by the way. You’ll need your energy.”
 
“Fuck off, am I eating those.” Adrian sat up, exhaling more than laughing. 
 
“Your funeral, boy!” Grigori chuckled, taking a sickening bite out of the headcrab in his hands. Adrian flinched and turned away as he did so, tuning out the sound. “Ravenholm…it was wonderful.”
 
Adrian looked down at the cooked headcrabs, feeling his stomach start to cry. He was right, he hadn’t eaten for a while. At some point, some part of him was going to go insane. Maybe he’d eat the headcrabs, maybe he’d eat Grigori first. Maybe he’d eat himself. Mentally weighing his options was proving to be much more philosophical than he first thought. 
 
“A true haven town. A beacon of light for the rebellion's hopes. I…I was able to return to my duties there, for a time.” Grigori said, smiling to himself. “I was a priest again. There were some people, they had lost their faith during the war. With Ravenholm, they were able to reconnect! I’m glad I got to see that.”
 
…And what then?
 
“And what then?” Adrian asked, finding himself eyeing a headcrab. 
 
“It…” Grigori was choked up. “It was found. We were discovered.”
 
Adrian’s stomach dropped. Story and hunger simultaneously influencing it. 
 
“Combine swept it. Tore it to shreds, and to whoever was left, they were shelled.”
 
Adrian’s hand reached out for food, despite everything in his mind screaming not to. 
 
“Those hisses, the rattles, those bastards blasting my people to the ground…I still shake at the memory.”
 
He held the meat in his hands, shaking slightly himself. 
 
“I was once again the only man standing. Amongst so many of my people, shambling lost souls, husks of their former selves, screaming for my help.”
 
His mouth opened. 
 
“What else was I supposed to do, but be a shepherd to my flock?”
 
Adrian bit down. 
  “Corporal?” Alyx’s voice was pretty confused . “What’re you doing here?” “Corporal?!” Neena was a lot more shocked. “Ah, Adrian!” “Oh shit, Doctor Sodhi!” Adrian brightened up, jogging over with the hoodie under his arm. “I was wondering when I’d get a chance to talk to you!” Neena stood from her cane-chair and pulled Adrian right in for a hug. He returned it eagerly, laughing all the way.  “You look just the same! I thought they were lying, but no!! You still look twenty!” Neena pulled from the hug and analysed Adrian’s face. “You HAVE to tell me your skincare routine!” “Hah!” Adrian let out a loud singular laugh. “Time travel, mainly!” “Oooh, what brand?” Neena could barely continue the joke. “Ah, god, don’t mind me!” She sat back down in her chair and crossed her legs, relaxed but still peppy. “You finding White Forest to be well?” “I’ve been in worse camps, I’ll say that.” Adrian folded his arms, glancing across the plains. His eyes locked onto D0G. “Oh shit, I’ve heard about you!”  D0G perked up, wandering over to the corporal.  “I think he likes you!” Alyx petted D0G’s head as she talked. “He’s friendly, so, that’s not surprising!” Adrian reached out a nervous hand to pet him too, which the robot took with wonderful enthusiasm. “What a sweetheart…” He mumbled, smiling. Then, D0G looked around for a second, attention diverting toward the hoodie under Adrian’s arm. D0G sniffed around it for a bit (or whatever the equivalent of ‘sniffing’ was for a robot like him) and then sat down, visibly recognising its owner.  “That’s…Gordon’s, isn’t it?” Alyx pointed to it.  “Yup. He left it in my room, that’s actually why I’m here! Looking for him, you two seen him?” Adrian pulled it from under his arm and held it in both his hands, looking between the girls for an answer to his question.  “Why’d he…leave it in your room?” Neena asked, raising a brow.  “He keeps needing to borrow my clothes, so he ends up leaving his own stuff with me. Not like I can even wear it, the man’s tiny!” “Or you’re just big.” Alyx smirked.  “I’m only 6’5”, not my fault I’m built so well!” Adrian shrugged, returning the smirk right back.  “Damn, how tall is Gordon again?” Neena turned to Alyx, arms folded.  “5’10”, I think.” “The poor man’s six foot.” Neena leaned back, smiling smugly. “Sorry, sorry, I’m being mean.” “Agh, this is besides the point.” Adrian reigned the conversation topic back in. “Have either of you seen him? I’ve looked all over base.” “Hm…I wouldn’t really know, I’m usually in the rocket lab.” Neena held a finger to her chin, thinking hard.  “I think he set off on a solo mission a few hours ago? Scouting mission, checking for any areas we can get supplies from.” Alyx shuffled, recalling everything with a finger raised. “Anywhere that’s not any of your scrapyards, that is. We still need to keep food up, remember?” “Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.” Adrian sat down onto the grass beside Alyx, the hoodie now in his lap. “If we do ever get desperate for food though, you know you can eat headcrabs, right?” Neena and Alyx both stared at Adrian, mouths agape.  “You can…what?” Alyx asked, voice cracking a little. “You can eat headcrabs!” Adrian said this as if it was obvious. “When things got a bit desperate back on my little road trip, well, you could cook and eat them. Pretty good meat too-“ “Oh my god, stop describing it, I might throw up…” Neena held a hand over her mouth, heaving out breaths.  “Hey I thought the same thing! Desperation will take you anywhere, though, and turns out, anywhere is pretty nice.” Adrian leant back, hands resting on the ground behind him. “But hey, your choice. All I’m saying is Lamarr could be on the menu-“ ”Jesus, Adrian, is that what you had to do to survive?” Alyx looked…concerned. Worried, even. “Eating headcrabs was NOT the worst thing, I can say that much.” Adrian glanced to Alyx, rather nonchalant.  “…I’m not eating Lamarr.” Neena piped up in the following silence. “Isaac would kill me.” “That’s your concern?!” Alyx’s head whipped around.  “No no, she’s right.” Adrian pointed out. “Better start with the nameless ones!” Alright, now he was leaning into it, the grin on his face showed that.  “Am I going insane?!” Alyx yelled out, clinging onto D0G’s arm for support.  “Hey, no, I must be the insane one for making food suggestions!” Adrian leant forward and threw his now free hands up. “Forgive me, O Lord!” “You would need to earn forgiveness after eating one of those.” Neena side-eyed him.  “Luckily, I already abandoned my religion! So, no need!” Adrian cackled, letting the wind carry his laugh forward.  The three (four, counting D0G) remained like this for a while, chatting amicably and catching up. Especially Sodhi and Shephard, they had a lot to recollect on.  The day moved on, and their memories kept piling up.  And then… “Ah, shit, I still have the hoodie!” Adrian held up its arm, sighing.  “Gordon might be back soon, you could return it then?” Alyx was lying back on the grass at this point, staring up at the sky.  “Maybe…? Agh, might be awkward though…”  “Never thought I’d see a guy like you fret over something like this.” Neena laughed. “It’s a hoodie! I’m sure he’d appreciate it.” “I know but…just feels a bit weird that I’ve accidentally kept it this long.” Adrian was…stuttering, a bit. Just a bit. This made Alyx and Neena look toward each other.  “Uh…you okay, Corporal?” Alyx asked, pulling herself up.  “I’m- I’m fine! Just fine, just fine.” Adrian was fidgeting with the hoodie in his hands. He was clearly not fine.  “Hey, if you want me to go find him for you and tell him to get it from you, I can-“ Alyx tried to suggest, but she was quickly interrupted.  “No! No, no, no, I’m fine!” Adrian suddenly stood up, still clutching the hoodie with a white knuckle grip. Considering what his grip strength must have been, it was amazing he wasn’t tearing the thing apart in his hands. “I just- if he’s here, I’ll go find him!”  Adrian’s face was tinged with a dash of red, barely visible before he turned on his heel and began to walk off.  “H-hey! Wait up!” Neena waved from her seat. “C’mon, stick around a little, he’ll find us! No need to look so constipated about it!”  He stopped in his tracks, circling his thumb over the fabric. Then, he turned, walking back and sitting right back down, keeping his head down as to hide himself.  “You’re…weirdly anxious, you know.” Alyx noted the obvious. “Like, it is just a hoodie.” “I still feel weird. For having it this long. You used to get chastised for stealing others' clothes on the barracks.”  “Didn’t he literally leave it in your room? At that point, it is yours!” Neena leant back, batting a hand in dismissal.  “Don’t say that!!” Adrian’s head popped up to yell at her, voice cracking a little. It was either that voice crack or the red splashed across his cheeks that was the most surprising. The doors a bit behind them shifted once again, causing them all to turn their heads.  “Oh shit, Gordon!”  Adrian’s demeanour completely shifted. He waved down the man across the way, smiling wide. Gordon waved back, a lot more muted and polite.   “Just reporting back. How’s everyone?” Gordon asked, rather casual.  “All okay! Just doing some routine stuff with D0G, Neena and Adrian decided to join us. How was the scout?” Alyx asked, turning right around.   “I found a small abandoned set of buildings. Pretty old in origin if the tower there was anything to go by, looked like something straight out of a medieval piece.” Gordon explained. Now that they all got a good look at him, he was rather dishevelled. Maybe it was because he had to use the jeep again, Alyx did feel bad about that. “Ooooh, medieval tower!” Neena exclaimed, leaning back. “Lucky! Harder to get those around here.” She had a rather sing-song tone, a smile wide on her face.  “Shit, seriously?” Adrian looked rather shocked too. “Man, take me up there at somepoint!”  “For a scouting mission…?” Gordon raised a brow.  “Yeah, obviously? Like, that’s why we do this, isn’t it?” Adrian was not willing to admit he just wanted to see a cool tower. “Oh! Before I forget-“ “Hm?” Gordon tilted his head, audibly humming.  “Ya left your hoodie in my room, been waitin‘ to give to back. Not like I can use it.” He laughed, tossing the hoodie right onto Gordon and rubbing it in a little. “Keep an eye on your stuff, you idiot!” “Argh!” Gordon was smothered for a minute, before pulling off the cloth and attempting to wrangle Adrian’s arm off of him. When he let up, Gordon had enough arms to sign. “I was wondering where that was!”  Neena and Alyx glanced at each other.  “What’s our plan now, by the way?” Adrian raised his hand slightly and looked amongst the group. “I’ve got some exercises to run if anyone wants to join?” Alyx shot up and hurried over. “I’m down! Where?” “Just follow. I’m teaching CQB at the moment, pretty important stuff. All of you are invited, actually!” Adrian started the walk back, going backwards to keep his eyes on everyone.  “Actually, Gordon and I will be busy ourselves!” Neena clarified, sounding a little disappointed as she stood up and clicked a button on her cane-chair. The seat retracted with a click and the prongs that had rooted into the ground were tucked back in. It was back to being just a cane. “More work needs to be done on the rocket, Eli wants to run some things by us.”  “Right! Doing that right after a scouting mission, you people work me to the bone…” Gordon sighed, but he kept a light tone.  “Oof, don’t let Isaac hear you say that!” Neena walked over and patted Gordon on the back. “Or Magnusson for that matter. For very different reasons…” Her face twisted into a small grimace at the mention of the latter.  
“Don’t let Magnusson see your face like that, Sodhi, he’ll tear it off!”
 “HAH!” Gordon had earned another firm back pat from Neena, though it felt a bit more like a hit. “I’ll be in the rocket lab when you’re all ready! Alyx, keep an eye on the Corporal there, I’ve seen him cause some trouble!” “Weird way to phrase rescuing you from imminent death!” Adrian folded his arms, mock offended.  “Yeah, yeah!” Neena once again batted away the air with a hand of dismissal. “Take care of yourselves, kids!” She waved and walked through the doors, carrying purpose in her steps.   “Kids?” Gordon’s eyes lowered. “She was like, a year older than me in Black Mesa!”  “Kids.” Alyx said fondly, not turning to any of them. “She’s always treated me like one, so I say she has the right.” “You know her well too?” Adrian asked.  “Well is an understatement.” Alyx’s response didn’t get any elaboration. “You said you were running training, right? Lead the way!” D0G wandered up to the doors, causing everyone to turn.  “Hey boy!” Gordon waved, lettting D0G wave back. “You going too?”  “Yeah! Come along, the room we’re using’s big enough!” Adrian scratched the back of his head, smiling. “You’ll fit right in!” D0G made a few happy beeps, leaning down to let Alyx pet him. “Good boy, D0G!” She beamed. “We’ll see you around, Gordon!” “Drop by if you wanna! CQB’ll be pretty important, especially for you!” Adrian started walking, waving slightly to keep attention.   “We have our own training, don’t we? Just teach me then!” Gordon waved back, starting his walk the other way.   “Ah, right! Yeah, bring it up to me next time you’re by my room!” Alyx glanced between the two of them again, before realising she was straggling behind. “We’ll see you in a bit!” Gordon signed ‘BYE’ rather loudly, before breaking out into a small jog since he knew he was a bit late himself.  The three parted ways, just for now.  Things would find their way back together. They always do.   
Many years before
 
Was he even legally allowed to be here?
 
He was only fifteen, and this place…
 
“You alright, Shep?” Dani asked, having been holding the door open for a minute now. “You look…”
 
“Constipated.” Lisa, who had been standing behind him with a smoke in his mouth, spoke up. “C’mon, kid, we know the people here! You’ll be fine!”
 
“I know, I know, bu- GAGH!” Adrian’s sentence was interrupted by a light shove from Lisa’s elbow, causing him to tumble through the doors. 
 
“Lisa!” Dani turned and scolded her boyfriend. 
 
“What?” He snickered, taking out the smoke and stubbing it on the concrete before wandering in after him. Dani followed them both, rolling her eyes, closing the door behind her. 
 
The establishment they were heading into was, to Adrian, the dingiest and grimmest, least upkept goth bar in all of Arizona. To Lisa, it was a common gig location. To Danielle, it was work. 
 
Despite no one being here yet due to being a pretty restricted bar, open at certain times, the floor was undeniably sticky. Adrian was hoping that was just spilt booze. 
 
“Welcome to the Decapitated Maiden, Shepard, my beloved haunting ground!” Dani guestured around the place, a smile on her heavily made-up face. 
 
“Beloved? You complain about work all the time!” Lisa laughed a little. 
 
“Am I not allowed to be a bitch?”
 
Their banter was interrupted by the sound of mic feedback, a loud harsh ringing resonated through the building. Across the way, a nook of a stage in the back stood firm. Then, that microphone was tapped a few times. 
 
“Check one two, one two, does this thing fucking work? Who the hell just broke in?”
 
The voice was…pretty normal, all things considered, if a little scratchy. Someone who did a lot of screaming. 
 
“Shannon!” Lisa exclaimed, hurrying across the room to get to the stage. When Dani found the rest of the lights, she bumped them on and caused a wave of ‘AAUGH’ across the room. 
 
“Were you morons practicing in the dark?” She asked, folding her arms and following Lisa. She cocked her head to indicate Adrian to follow too. Adrian stuck his hands in his pockets and walked, glancing around, radiating awkwardness and guilt. 
 
When he got to the stage, not many of his questions were answered, but things did become a lot clearer. 
 
Three people (plus one Lisa) were on the stage, all dressed in varying levels of goth-punk clothing. Lisa had picked up the guitar and stood at the front spot on the stage, tapping the mic that had deafened them all before. Three others stood by him. 
 
The bassist - Adrian wasn’t sure if it was a bass guitar he was holding, but he didn’t have the courage to ask - was someone vaguely familiar. A full crust-punk type, denim clothes head to toe in patches and spikes and various ominous threats. His Mohawk was a colourful mix of green and purple, spikey, could probably take an eye out. He had a large nose piercing and a million little ones all across his face. If you wanted a punk extra to die in an action movie, you’d probably hire this guy. 
 
The drummer was a larger man dressed in much simpler clothing. Black hoodie and sweatpants, both slightly bleached-stained. His vans were covered in old dirt and he wore an incredible amount of jewelry. His pale complexion made the bags under his eyes all the more prominent, crossing over with many acne scars. From just under the arms of the hoodie, one could make out full sleeves of tattoos. Long brown hair, unkempt, sitting just underneath the collarbone. 
 
The keyboardist was giving Lisa the stink eye, it looked like. Mid sized locs in different colours draped on one side to just past his shoulder, intertwined with beads and accessories. His hoodie had a better design, black and white scarred patterns across the back. The white makeup contrasted well with his dark skin, patterned almost like stars across his cheeks. Rings on his fingers, from all kinds of places, there was even a wristband that Adrian recognised from a thrift store two streets over. His jeans were ripped, baggy ends covering his work boots. 
 
Adrian felt way out of his element. 
 
“Oooh, this the kid?” The bassist asked, pointing to him. “He looks like a sad dog.”
 
“Shannon, you dick.” The keyboardist chastised, then turned back to Adrian. “You alright, kid? You look like you just got outta a raid or somethin’.”
 
“‘Course he’s anxious, Molly, this place doesn’t even let kids in!” The drummer nearly threw his drumstick at him, with the way he flicked it. “You sure this is alright, Dan?”
 
“He’s fine! He’s a good kid, not the snitching type.” Dani waved away the concerns. “I’d hope he wasn’t, considering we still can’t go to Walmart!” She then turned right to him, eyes accusing, causing Adrian to shrink a little bit. 
 
“Man, fuck Walmart!” The bassist, Shannon it seemed, smiled. “Big fuckin’ retail thinks it can get what it wants…”
 
“Motherfucker, you work at 7/11.” Lisa bit back, tuning his guitar. 
 
Shannon scoffed, turning away to fiddle with some of the sound equipment. 
 
“Tactful as always…” Dani folded her arms and sighed. “But yeah, guys, this is Adrian. You know, the Shephard’s kid?”
 
“The Shephards?” The drummer exclaimed, leaning forward. “Shiiiiit, man, that whole church is losing their mind about you, you know?”
 
“God, don’t make me think about it.” Adrian felt himself sweat a little, he did his best to not meet his eyes. Then, with a small noise of realisation, he turned back to face him. “Wait, you know what’s happening over there?”
 
“My sister’s still forced to go, so she keeps me updated. Apparently your parents are heretics of another level for ‘letting you stray’ like that, it’s mad.” He explained, utilising air quotes very effectively. This news made Adrian’s stomach sink. Lisa seemed to notice, as he played a quick note on the guitar and nearly blew out the speaker, startling everyone. 
 
“Alright, alright, we should introduce ourselves too, you know?” He was swerving the topic hard. “You know me, Lisa.”
 
“…Shannon. I’ve known Lisa since the dawn of time, since that’s how old we are.” Shannon introduced himself, pointing to Lisa as he laughed near the end. 
 
“Ariel. Drummer. Nice to meet the kid these two tools won’t stop talking about.” The drummer pointed between Dani and Lisa, smirking. The couple made mild protests, but to no avail. 
 
“Hey, I’m Molly. Real name’s Damien, but we don’t really use any of that here. My keyboard is dogshit and my playing is worse.” Molly followed his introduction with some sounds from said keyboard, pressing a button that said ‘DJ!’ Over and over. 
 
“AAAAAaaaand, we’re the-“
 
“Sirens of Anarchy. It’s printed on the drums.” Adrian interrupted Lisa, pointing to the center drum of Ariel’s setup.
 
“DAMNIT!”
 
The others laughed, quite mockingly but not totally mean. There was a clear sense of camaraderie, even if it was washed and buried under a mile of petty insults. 
 
“Right well…I dunno, take a seat anywhere, we’re just here for practice before a show.” Lisa guestured around, quite apathetically. “Can we run through Lost Maidens of Hollow Hell again? I wanna practice my riff.” He started asking around as Adrian found a small stool and shuffled it over, sitting up onto it quite precariously. Dani, meanwhile, patted her back a few times before speed walking to the bathroom. 
 
Ariel tapped out a small drumbeat, warming up his rhythm, until he kicked into what Adrian presumed was the song. 
 
The acoustics here were shitty, no doubt about it. But something told Adrian that the song was composed with that in mind. The echo of the drums almost bounced around the room as Shannon started to play an extremely smooth bassline. It rung deep in the gut, maybe the sickening feeling was the point. 
 
Synth started to kick in, a rich organ-like sound rang from the keyboard as Molly entered a zen state. It wasn’t complex, but it’s not like it had to be to be beautiful. Especially since the echo in here was that bad, it meant the sound carried across the room much like a church organ. For once, Adrian felt happy to hear such a thing. 
 
Lisa then halted all other music with a riff, one that was pushing the speakers to their limits. Granted, they looked cheap, but considering the fingerwork Lisa was utilising to make this solo good, it was still impressive. 
 
The air in the room felt a significant shift when the solo wrapped up, and the rest kicked in. Lyrics began right then and there, Lisa’s voice carrying everything up a further level. He had quite a powerful voice, melodic and earnest. Maybe this is the siren the bands name talks about?
 
Adrian loved it. 
 
Right in the middle of the set, however, Lisa stopped, his head turning to the women’s bathroom door. “Shit…”
 
“Dude, what?” Shannon looked pretty pissed. 
 
“She’s been in there a while. Dani.” He pulled off the guitar and hurried over, calling her name the entire way. “Danielle? Dani, is everything okay?!”
 
When the door swung closed, the group huffed out a sigh. 
 
“I mean…she didn’t look too good before, she ran off straight away. She’s usually here for the whole set!” Molly leaned over the keyboard, concern across his face. 
 
“What was it she had again?” Ariel rested his arm on one of the drums. “Endo-somethin’?”
 
“Endometriosis?” Adrian piped up, looking between the band and the door. 
 
“Man, you know that word?” Shannon folded his arms, expression impressed. “Smart kid.”
 
“She told me about it a few months ago, passed out in pain trying to make food. Something about her cycle, she never elaborated.” Adrian said, fidgeting with his hands. 
 
“Cycle? Shit…” Molly voiced the feeling the three all had: Very out of their depth. “Yeah we’re letting them handle that.”
 
Just as he said that, the bathroom door swung open, out clambering came Lisa with Dani clinging to his shoulder. Adrian got down from his stool and hurried over, scared. 
 
“Is she okay?!” He asked, hands tucked up near his chest. 
 
“She will be, but we gotta go. We’ll be in the hospital for a bit, if we’re late, Shannon can drive you back.” Lisa explained, a grim expression on his face. He looked over to Shannon, who gave an agreeing nod. Sorted. 
 
“Hospital?!” Adrian was still panicking.
 
“You know Dani’s condition, you gotta stop freaking out about these trips. We’ll get back as soon as we can.” Lisa used his free arm to ruffle Adrian’s hair, before rushing out the door. 
 
“STAY SAFE!!” Dani managed to whine out before the exit doors closed, her voice shaking quite a bit. 
 
Adrian, shook up, more than slightly scared, stumbled back a bit. He’d seen this kind of thing happen before, but it was usually at home, where he at least had the couch to contemplate on. 
 
Here he was, in a dingy bar he was too young for, with the world’s worst punk band, minus one singer. 
 
“Yeah…yeah that’s definitely endometriosis. Quieter than usual…”
 
“Quieter?!” Shannon exclaimed, setting his bass aside. “Damn, you must be a little trooper!” He walked up and patted Adrian on the shoulder, awkwardly trying to make him feel better even though he had less clue as to what was going on. 
 
“Ah, god…” Adrian held his hands to his forehand, eyes cast halfway to the ground. Shannon grit his teeth upon seeing this, looking around for anything to calm the kid. 
 
“Uhhh…You want a beer?” 
 
“He’s fifteen!” Ariel yelled from afar, standing up. 
 
“Well, I don’t know what kids want!” Shannon turned and yelled back, pointy canines on show. “Besides, isn’t he the booze shoplifter?! A beer isn’t out of the question!”
 
“Man, I’ll get him a coke.” Ariel wandered over to behind the bar and started to rummage through the stock. “Where the fuck is the soda?!
 
It was very clear, very quickly that if Lisa and Dani were less than knowledgeable on raising a kid, then these three had absolutely no clue. That being said, their presence of well meaning but abject incompetence was somewhat sweet. It helped ease things just a bit. 
 
“Dude, check if it's only Pepsi.” Molly stepped away from his keyboard, gesturing to Ariel. “Like, too many bars only have Pepsi.” 
 
“Ah, shit…is a Pepsi okay, kid?” Ariel’s head peeked out from over the bar, causing Adrian to laugh a little. He nodded, and so Ariel poured out a lukewarm Pepsi. 
 
It didn’t taste great, Adrian felt its flavour mix with the stench of alcohol in the air, but it gave his brain something to focus on. Perhaps a nice preview of the future too. 
 
“Lisa…told me a bit about you guys. You’re better in person.” Adrian eventually said, after a small pause, causing the other three to chuckle in various forms. 
 
“You’ve known us for twenty minutes. We’re worse than anything he could describe.” Shannon folded his arms, grinning.  
 
“You’re worse. I don’t know about you, but I’m perfect.” Molly pointed accusingly, but with no venom. 
 
“Oh yeah, mister no high school diploma is perfect!” Shannon bit back. 
 
“THAT’S YOU TOO!! WE’RE BOTH MISTER NO DIPLOMA!”
 
“I’m not.” Ariel raised his hand meekly. 
 
“Ladies, ladies, calm down!” Adrian started matching the energy, raising his arms to physically shift the mood down. “One at a time!”
 
“Pah!” Shannon’s chuckle was one note. “This is Lisa’s boy alright. Tell me, how many VHS tapes he’s made you watch?”
 
“Movie nights are a regular thing, thank you very much!” Adrian shifted back to his stool, hopping up without much issue. “We recently finished Evangelion!”
 
“That japanophile! Honestly, he never changes!” Shannon guestured to the others, as if to say ‘can you believe this??’. Molly and Ariel both made varying shrugs, apparently very able to believe it. 
 
“You’ve known him longer, dude. You tell us.” Ariel’s snarky drawl caused Shannon to scoff. 
 
“Augh!” Shannon threw his hands up and walked back to the stage, picking up his guitar like it was nothing. He strummed a few strings on it, checking its sound quality, before pulling the strap over his head and across his shoulders. “Anyway, just because he isn’t here doesn’t mean we can’t practice. C’mon, assholes.” He beckoned his bandmates up, who huffed and grumbled but ultimately followed. 
 
“That drink okay?” Ariel asked as he walked back through the bar and past Adrian. “Cooler’s still off, in this weather!”
 
“You sound really old.” Adrian said, staring back. Ariel grimaced, failing to pretend to not be hurt by that. 
 
“...Definitely Lisa and Dani’s.” He said as he walked back over to his drumset. Molly was already tapping out a few more weird sounds on that keyboard. “Alright, which one do we wanna run through?”
 
“Blood Soaked Mages? We’re playing that tonight, aren’t we?” Molly asked, leaning over. 
 
“We have that down, don’t we?” Shannon looked a bit miffed. “Besides, Lisa has a solo in that.”
 
“What? You can’t sit in silence, ruminating on your life instead of listening to the solo YOU wrote for your boyyyyyfriend?” Molly grinned, tone mocking. A series of splutters ensued from Shannon as he tried to fire back. 
 
“What, the fuck?? No!! You’ve see him and Dan, they’re fine!!” 
 
Adrian glanced downward, and took notice of a specific patch on Shannon’s pants. Two mars symbols, linked at the middle. 
 
Adrian’s eyes moved aside as he took a very awkward sip of his drink. He wasn’t gonna comment on that mess. 
 
“It’s…it’s a vocal solo, isn’t it? We don’t really need the guitar for it?” Ariel interrupted the other two’s bickering, sounding exhausted already. “Hey, kid, you know how to scream?” He pointed to Adrian with his drumstick. 
 
“H-huh?” Adrian was broken out of his sipping trance, startled at the question. “I-I mean, I guess? I doubt I have the vocal range you guys want though…”
 
“Nah, you’re fine. Get up here. Molly, you know guitar, right?” 
 
“Even less than he knows screaming?” Molly’s gaze narrowed. 
 
“GOOD ENOUGH!” 
 
Molly sighed, smiling still, and took Lisa’s guitar. The keyboard could be managed with one click for this song anyway, so it didn’t matter too much. Adrian was a lot more stilted and awkward getting to the stage, leaving his drink on the floor nearby. He picked up the mic and held it in both hands, a bit blinded by the lights of the stage. 
 
“You’ll do fine kid, we just need you to run through the first bit. You can follow my count, right?” Shannon asked, smiling to try to ease his concerns. 
 
“Are there any lyrics??” Adrian asked, voice cracking a little. Damn early T voice!
 
“...Technically yes, but like, you don’t gotta follow ‘em. I wrote ‘em for Lisa, not you. Those lyrics are going on the CD. For now, I want you to just yell about whatever!” Shannon assured with a firm pat on the arm. “It’s what our music’s all about! Just fuckin’ yellin’!”
 
“I…I think I can do that…?” Adrian’s voice was shaky, but he did his best to have confidence. 
 
“That’s all we need! Just follow my lead and Ariel’s rhythm!” Shannon pointed to Ariel, to indicate the start. With no hesitance, the show began. 
 
“WE ARE THE SIRENS! WE CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE!!” Ariel began his call, voice crackling and harsh. “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”
 
The three around Adrian began, noise booming from the speakers. The guitar especially was prominent, seems Molly was underestimating his own skills. It roared, harsh chords shaking the stage where they stood. His situation became clearer and clearer. 
 
Shit. What was he gonna sing about? 
 
Adrian glanced over to Shannon, who was providing a mean undercurrent of bass to the loud cacophony of the other instruments. A setting line, a border not to be crossed. He glanced back and gave Adrian a wink. Not yet, but in a minute. 
 
He had to wrack his brain for anything that needed screaming about in that moment. What had happened recently? Honestly, things were going pretty great for him right now. After all, he just got on T! He had already felt his soul ease slightly as the first signs of facial hair and a voice dropped showed themselves on a Saturday morning last week. How could he yell about something so calm and joyful?
 
Okay…he did start T the day he broke up with his boyfriend. Rather messily. They had nearly started a fight in the second-floor boys toilets of their high school. Adrian had won before it even started, obviously, but it was still nasty that it happened at all. 
 
Now that he thought about it, Taylor was a dickhead anyway. It was his idea to rob the Walmart! Now Adrian wasn’t allowed like, twenty feet within it without catching a charge!
 
His brain then moved to what Ariel had mentioned earlier, that people back at the old church were still talking about his absence. What were they saying? What were they doing? What were his parents thinking? What about his little brother? Thoughts and questions began to run his brain ragged, the dawning realisation that he had certainly left the place in a blaze of glory.
 
Why did this all even happen? What, because he knew he was a man? Was that it? That’s pathetic! 
 
Shannon began glancing back, a free hand starting to count. 
 
Who he was, that was so contentious to an entire sector of an institution that he was left homeless at fourteen, for what?! To just push him further towards the crowds he used to be warned against?
 
Adrian met Shannon’s eyes, beginning to sweat.
 
Seriously, Mom and Dad would be having a heart attack if they knew who he was with now. Sleeping on a goth woman’s couch, watching movies with her metalhead boyfriend, performing with a bunch of punks and sad-fucks in a bar he shouldn’t even be allowed in. 
 
The count got closer and closer.
 
And what were they all doing?! They seemed even more washed up and confused than he was. Don’t get him wrong, they lived well, but Adrian had this lingering sense of ‘what now?’ that just wasn’t going to go away once he graduated high school and fully cut himself off from this place. 
 
What was Dani doing in the kitchen at night? Why didn’t Lisa live with them both? Why did he still have to deal with school with all the jackasses that were probably reporting him back to the bastards he escaped from? 
 
Why was all this happening?! What for?!
 
Shannon's count reached its climax. 
 
Adrian felt he understood punk now more than ever. 
 
“Three, two, one-!”
 
Adrian nearly shattered the speakers with how loud he began his solo.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Man , Adrian thought as he felt around the lower half of his face. I need to shave.  He had neglected it for a while due to the everything in his life lately, but as he lay splayed out in bed, feeling around his chin, he had realised he had grown his beard a bit more.  It grew slow, there was no avoiding that. Thus, he had resolved to just keep something slightly longer than a 5 o’clock shadow on his face and shave when absolutely necessary. His stubble never grew out too long, plus it was fun to feel around it, so he never complained or shaved any shorter.  Now though? Jeez, he was bristly. At least, according to touch. Was there a mirror around here?  Shuffling out of bed and down from the ladder onto the floor, he didn’t spot one for a fair while. Admittedly, he hadn’t found one yet in any of his dumpster searches, but that was the next thing on his list.  Was he meant to do anything today, he wondered? He shuffled through his mind, trying to find any instructions in the metaphorical mental folders, but he was coming up blank.  His feet on the cold floor were starting to wig him out. He figured it was time to get changed.  As he was pulling through his accumulated wardrobe, tearing out shirt after shirt, he took a moment to look down at himself.  …About what he expected. The same body, for what was now quite a few years.  He’d lost a bit of the pure muscle he had in the army, but he figured that shape was unhealthy for him anyway. Abs were still abs, and he still had his. Testosterone was still doing its job though, if the hair was anything to go by. It didn’t need as much attention as his face did, but he still found great pleasure in noting the difference to himself.  Right under his pecs, two firmly shaped scars outlined his chest. They were pretty clear, all things considered. His other scars were faded a bit, he’d have to point them out if he were to show them to anyone, but the scars from the most important surgery of his life?  They still stood strong. Visible.  He traced his finger over one of them, feeling the lack of difference in skin texture. The sensation left a fulfilling, yet soulless feeling. Yes, these have always been here. They will always be here. They will always expose who he is.  Maybe he’s a fraud. A liar. A misguided woman thinking that she hated her own birth sex and sought to change it due to the world's treatment of her. Even after all this time, these ideas still left their marks on his mind.  And yet, he couldn’t tell. Not a soul could know about the scars bared on his chest, about what they meant.  That would give the ‘game’ up, if it could even be considered one. They would know what he was, and what he transformed himself into. And in that sense, they wouldn’t look at him the same again.  The eyes they would use…they’d be the eyes one uses to look at a woman.  Perish the thought. He turned and pulled the first shirt he could find.  … Alyx caught him just as he was walking out of his room. She was just pulling her jacket on while trying to wire something complicated looking.  “Corporal!” Her face lit up. “You remember your mission today, right?”  Fuck, he thought. No I don’t.  “Uhhh…yes, of course sir!” He assured, giving a small salute, lying out of his ass.  “Solid! Gordon should be waiting in the garage, good luck!” She gave a salute and a wave back, hurrying off to a room further away to do…whatever she was doing. Adrian had forgotten most of what today was supposed to be about, one could cut him a little slack on that.  He suited up (he presumed whatever he was doing needed full uniform, PCV and all), and hauled down to the garage, mask already on his face.  Gordon was slightly slumped in the passenger seat of the jeep when he got there, an unspoken message of ‘You are driving’. His head turned when the door opened, and he quickly shuffled out of that slumped position.   “All okay, Adrian?” He asked, stumbling on his sentence a little. If the hesitance in his hands was anything to go by.  “All okay!” Adrian smiled back, walking over and climbing into the driver's seat. “Hey, just…quick question, alright?” 
“What?”
 Adrian then mumbled his question in a tiny, tiny voice. A voice not at all suited for a man who Gordon recently learned is six-four at minimum.  
“…sorry I- I didn’t hear that?”
 “I said do you know what the mission is today…” He had to take off the mask to be heard better, seeming rather embarrassed to be asking this, since the voice barely went up.   “We’re investigating that little fort I found the other day. See if it can be a good encampment, or something. I don’t know yet.” Gordon explained, leaning forward a bit. “Shouldn’t be far.  I’ll tell you the directions.”  “Aaaah, gotcha. Yeah I…I tooootally remember now.” Adrian snickered, knowing he wasn’t convincing anyone, and started up the engine. His laugh hung in the air for a while, at least for Gordon. He was so…relaxed, about so much. Something shined off of him when he talked, but his tone was as if all this was just another day.  His mask was tucked in the back, and so were a few of the weapons they had on standby. It was so casual, again just like another day.  It was, technically. But they both seemed to have only dropped back onto this planet a couple months ago. Nothing about this could be typical.  Gordon found himself admiring Adrian.  For his casual courage, that is. He admired him for how downright brave he came across as. That was all.  “Damn, doctor, you want a picture? I’ll last forever that way.” Adrian chuckled and winked as he drove out of the garage. Gordon’s staring had been caught.  “Aah!” Gordon quickly turned away, signing a muddy apology and internally resolving that the trees on his right looked very pleasant today. The wink was pingponging across his mind. “LEFT. HERE.” He then spoke through the suit, pointing to accompany it and to take the air’s mind off of his unauthorised…analysis of Adrian.  “Left, gotcha.” Adrian had figured out by now how the car worked, so he was a little less jumpy and panicky than before. Though, he still looked a little uncertain since he wasn’t the one with the directions.  Endearing, that word kept haunting him. “YOUR. BEARD. HAS. GROWN.” Gordon had pressed the button on the suit without even thinking about it, and now he was scrambling to shut it off.  “You noticed?” Adrian stroked his chin with his free hand, feeling the bristly stubble underneath. “I’ve been meaning to shave, but uh…It’s been busy.” Fuck. Gordon was staring again.  “I. DON’T. THINK. I’VE. NOTICED. MIRRORS. AT. THE. BASE.” Gordon cranked his head to face the front, fighting every other bone in his body to keep his eyes off of his driver.  “Yeah, I’ve not noticed any either. Still on my own search for one right now, technically.” Adrian admitted, sighing. “Low on the priority list, though.” “STRAIGHT. AHEAD.” Gordon’s suit managed to stumble out. “…DOES. IT. TAKE. LONG. TO. GROW.” He then asked, his head now turned again to look at him.  “Oh, fuck, ages! Didn’t start til I was about seventeen, the bastard!” Adrian waved a complaining arm out the window, then switched his hands back around on the steering wheel. “You wouldn’t believe me, but I was pretty small and scrawny for a while.” 
“ADRIAN. AND. SCRAWNY. DO. NOT. MATCH. IN. MY. MIND.”
 “I’m not joking though. Wanna know how tall I used to be?” Adrian leant in a little, still keeping his eyes ahead. Even when the distance was still normal, Gordon felt flustered at the slight closing of the gap. “Five one.” “FUCK. OFF.” Gordon’s face visibly exclaimed, showing great shock. “QUICK. RIGHT.” He pointed, still keeping the expression, and Adrian spun the wheel to the right.  “I’m not joking. Used to be five foot one, five two before I hit, uhh…sixteen, was it?” Adrian lazily glanced upwards as he tried to recall. “Tiny, scrawny little thing. Fights in school bathrooms and pawning cigs off of seniors. Didn’t stop me from scaring the hell outta everyone, but, you know.” “I. WOULD’VE. BEEN. TERRIFIED. OF. YOU.” Gordon’s suit voice rang out, catching Adrian’s full attention nod causing him to turn his head.  “Really?” “SHORTER. MEANS. MORE. ANGER. IN. SMALLER. CONTAINER.” Gordon laughed as the voice read this out. “YOU’RE. CALMER. NOW. BECAUSE. YOU. GREW.”  “Hah!” Adrian let out a hearty laugh of his own, a single syllable. “Should see me on the field, Freeman, I’ve still got it! One good thing the Marines did is let me channel that correctly.”  “RIGHT. THROUGH. HERE.” Gordon guided, and Adrian followed with a spin of the wheel. “SO. YOU’RE. STILL. AN. ANGRY. PERSON.” The voice said plainly, but Adrian picked it up as having a question mark at the end.  “Angry? Ehhh…” Adrian took a hand off the wheel and made a ‘so-so’ gesture with it. “I get pissed, yeah, but like…I dunno, had more reason to back then.” “WE. STILL. BOTH. HAVE. REASON. NOW.” Gordon stared straight ahead, trying to spot where they were going. “SOMETHING. WITHIN. WANTS. ME. TO. SCREAM.” “…Then scream, dude.” Adrian looked at him, empathy in his upturned eyes.  
“THE. RESISTANCE. STILL. NEEDS. ME.” 
 “You should still scream.”  “WE’RE. HERE.” Gordon’s voice quickly changed the subject as their jeep came up to the abandoned fort.  The main headliner was a medieval looking tower, a straight bricked cylinder pointed up to the sky. A few windows could be spotted from their position, but the pitch black beyond made it hard to see further. A few small cover points were dotted around it, clearly this was some sort of encampment that had been raided. The ramshackled nature of the cover setups and the abandoned stations didn’t seem like Combine work, but it looked nothing like the resistance’s either. Either way, nobody was here, so finders keepers.  “Daaaamn…” Adrian stood up in the jeep as it came to a stop, head peeking over the metal framework above and shoulders slightly bumping against it. “That’s some tower.” “SHOULD’VE. SEEN. MY. REACTION.” Gordon stepped out of the jeep, thankful that this ride didn’t feature any gunfire or toxic waste reservoirs. “THIRTEENTH. CENTURY. PROBABLY.”  “Woah, you know history stuff?” Adrian’s head whipped down to look at him, eyes wide.   “Absolutely not, I’m whiffing that timeframe.” Gordon signed, now that he knew Adrian could properly look at him to understand.  “Damn, I was about to be SO more impressed by you than I already am!” Adrian hopped back down and stepped out of the jeep, jogging up to the tower itself. “C’mon, Gordon, I wanna explore!” He swivelled around and jogged backwards as he said this, slipping his mask on so his voice became distorted halfway through the sentence.  Gordon was conflicted. Very conflicted.  The full HECU uniform and distorted voice started to ring the bells of Resonance Cascades past, stirring uneasy in his stomach. However, the other ingredient in that conflicted stew was the admitted fact that Adrian was impressed by him. Maybe that part of the uneasiness was not bad memories bubbling, but perhaps…butterflies?  He shook his head, smacking the thought away with a small slap to the cheek, and followed.  The tower was dark within, a spiral staircase circling to the top while, on the floor, more shot barricades painted grim narratives. Gordon flicked on the suits torch, while Adrian pressed a button on the side of his mask that appeared to do…something, for him.   “Don’t you have a torch?” Gordon asked, concerned.  “Night vision, baby! Ooh, very green today, Gordon, you should get that checked out!” Adrian giggled as he pointed toward him, before moving further upward. Gordon worried for a second about the possibility that he was, in fact, green, before remembering that Adrian was a sarcastic asshole. He sighed, though not without a quiet laugh, and moved forward.  They scaled the tower for quite a bit of time, Gordon taking that time to gather the true extent of the place, the age and the possible history and such, so more of his whiffing attempts could seem feasible. To contrast, Adrian was bolting up with enthusiasm not unlike that of a kid. How he wasn’t getting winded out by the amount of stairs was anyone’s guess.  Eventually, a voice beckoned him up from the light shining down. The Corporal made it to the top.  “GOOORRDONNNN!!” His voice sang out, or at least it sounded like singing to Gordon’s ears, even with the mask distortion. “The view up here is CRAZY!” Gordon rolled his eyes, a smile plastered on his face as he hauled himself up the rest of the stairs. Unfortunately, he had to climb half the goddamn tower to reach him.  By the time he got to the top, he was half heaving his lungs out from exhaustion, the only thing stopping him from being in a crawl was his dignity. Adrian was already there, as relaxed as ever.  He had taken his mask and helmet off, probably in order to smoke the cigarette in his mouth. He was watching the landscape with half lidded eyes and relaxed shoulders, grey camo sleeves rolled up a little to feel the wind of the heights properly. His hair had been taken out of the tie, and it billowed in the wind. “Beautiful view, isn’t it?” Adrian asked, without turning.  
Yes. It’s beautiful. 
 “Eastern Europe. I…saw a lot of it, a lot of the nature around here, before I joined you guys. It’s real pretty.” Adrian took a drag of the cig, leaning over the stone walls to look further. “You said you were in Austria for a bit, right? You ever visit around here?”  “No, I…mostly stayed put. Only went to Germany and France and such if I was going anywhere. And that was usually with friends.” Gordon explained, Adrian turning his head to read his signing.  “Do Austrians have sign language? Like, they use German there, but like, do they use the German sign language too?” Adrian then asked, shifting around and leaning back on the tower wall.   “They have their own, actually. ÖGS.” Gordon smiled, then displayed a few signs of that language, though Adrian couldn’t recognise what they meant. “Learned a bit of it, but not enough to carry a super long conversation.”  “Damn, multiple languages…I only learned like, ASL in the marines and a smidgen of Spanish. Friend called Ariel, Mexican guy, taught me some.”   “How many guys with girl names did you know?” Gordon chuckled as he asked.   “About four-ish. Depends on who you ask.” Adrian returned the smile and puffed out a large cloud of smoke, watching the high winds carry it away. “Why? You know any?”  “Nope, somehow not. Maybe Washington’s less lax than Arizona on that kinda thing.” Gordon wandered to the wall and leaned over as well, finally trying to appreciate the landscape.  “Man, Washington…you were far from home even in Black Mesa, huh?” Adrian turned his head, staring at Gordon’s side profile. “What’s it like? It’s one of the few states I never visited for a concert or something.” 
“Washington…it’s about as normal as any other place, I guess. Cool bridges.”
 “That’s all you can say? Cool bridges?” Gordon sat in thought for a minute.  
“…yeah.”
 “Oh my god-”  Adrian devolved into giggling, fumbling slightly with the cig in his hand and not really caring. This managed to catch onto Gordon, who began to laugh too, having to lean his hand on the wall to keep himself steady. The moment remained like this for a bit, them laughing with the winds carrying away their voices as soon as they escaped their throats. Adrian eventually came down, breathing heavily as his lungs felt cold. Hearing the last of Gordon’s laughter as he came down too felt something like seeing a fairy.  “You’ve got a real nice voice, y’know?” Adrian asked as Gordon calmed down, immediately sending his heart to the back of his throat.   “Really?” Gordon’s signing hands were shaking slightly. ”Yeah! Kinda sounds…I dunno, you don’t really use it, so hearing it feels…special! I guess…Like, a rarity.” Adrian attempted to explain, stumbling on his words himself. “Not sayin’ you gotta use it more or anything, just…it’s nice to hear!” Gordon didn’t have much to say to that, his heart was busy thumping loud enough for him to hear. A nice voice? He had one?  That took a moment to sink in. For obvious reasons, he never really got any comments on the actual sound of his voice. Occasionally, if he did make a sound, a classmate or a family member or whoever would act surprised that he actually had vocal chords. That…never totally sat right with him, but he couldn’t complain much. Just had to keep his head down and move on.  Adrian, instead, didn’t go that route. He just went right out and said that he liked it. Even if part of it was because of how little he heard it, that still felt much better than anything else.  “Hey, if you wanna use that voice a bit more…” Adrian began, stubbing out his cig on the wall and turning again. “You said you felt like screaming, right? We’re so high up, where’s better to let it all out?” Gordon looked out to the distorted sky above the landscape, the remains of the citadel barely visible in the distance. It was just a silhouette at this point, shards and parts floating around it as the light warped and twisted. He…he did that. How much had he done? So much.   “We…we could be heard, you know?” Gordon butted against the suggestion with a nervous look. “I don’t want to bring combine on us.”  “Combine ain’t gonna get us up here. Besides, we can take ‘em. Even more so now you’ve absolutely ruined them.” Adrian pointed to the remains of the Citadel, grinning. “You did all the cool stuff, now, you get to let it aaaaallllll out! Here, I’ll go first if you want!” He tapped Gordon’s shoulder and then leant back over the wall, taking a deep breath in. Gordon covered his ears, preparing for an onslaught of sound. Adrian let out a cataclysmic yell, definitely in ‘scream’ territory. Gordon had heard how loud Adrian’s voice could go before, but he had never heard its true peak until now.  Jesus, it could be deafening. Adrian had idly mentioned punk bands and destructive gigs and drill instructors all having pounded down his eardrums into a fine paste, but this was a clear display of that impact. He wasn’t straining either, which was up there with the volume, battling for the position of the most impressive part of this scream. This was a clean yell, no cracks or stumbles, almost operatic.  Adrian stopped, about as quickly as he started, and heaved back in some air. Patting his chest, he looked to Gordon and grinned.  “Your turn. It’s really therapeutic, you know?” Adrian’s voice didn’t sound hoarse, it was as clean as the yell he just made. He had some damn good control to be able to not damage himself in that. Gordon had to give some silent props.  Gordon sighed, questioning himself with each second. He didn’t use his voice much for speaking, let alone screaming. Yet, that gnawing feeling was back with him, the one he had discussed in the car. The need, the primal need to scream it all out.  The past few months in his perception…they had been rough. The past twenty years, apparently, had been the worst humanity's seen. Maybe he caused that.  Maybe he didn’t.  Maybe his care for that had long faded.  Maybe his benefactor was still watching them.  He cleared his throat, and Adrian seemed to note it as a new sound from him. Leaning over the stone wall, hands firmly planted, palms grinding slightly against it. He’d clench his fingers if he could.  Somehow, a scream took a moment to gear up. How one winds up a scream, he’ll never know. He just knew that he did it.  He counted, in his mind, like he was counting down for a skydive or bungee jump.  
One
 
Two
 
Three-
  
“AAAGH!” 
 
A month or so ago
 
Adrian had stubbed his foot on something, and was nursing it while still balancing on one leg. He had to pray on that balance, since there was another upright log just centimetres to his right. 
 
“What’ve you done now, boy?!” Grigori asked from farther back in the trees, sounding slightly annoyed. 
 
“Nothin’, nothin’…aaaagh!” He finally put his foot down, groaning as it sank into the grass and dirt. “Shit…” 
 
“You sound like one of the fallen.” Grigori eventually caught up and, seeing Adrians state, laughed and patted him on the back. “Come on, only a day more of this yet.”
 
“Jesus…” Adrian huffed and followed, shifting his back to keep the backpack on him up. Even with his strength, he was struggling to carry everything within that bag. He knew exactly what Grigori was hauling, he’d seen all the equipment and all the prayer materials and such. Yet, it still felt…new, and abnormal. Uncharacteristic. 
 
Things were changing about Grigori, that much was more than obvious. Anyone around him for more than two minutes could see rapid changes in demeanour, flitting moods from one sentence to the next. However, he generally carried a jolly-if-mad old man sort of demeanour, at least from Adrian’s initial impression. 
 
That…had changed. Ever so slightly. 
 
He still…mostly kept his attitude. Mad. Joking. But you could tell, couldn’t you? Something in him had grown hungry. Irritable and unsatiated. He had been killing far more headcrabs for food than before, and seemed to be unable to go for more than a few hours before he needed to eat again. 
 
He still complained about hunger as if he was as usual. He still joked with Adrian, as sly as ever. He still killed the ‘lost souls’ with as much ruthlessness as he knew. It was the little things, things that irked Adrian. The frequency, the slight changes in tone, the repetition of jokes when he spoke of them as if he’s never said them before. 
 
It all felt too real. Too familiar. 
 
Adrian found himself acquainted with the feeling of nausea. Nay, he found a kinship. 
  He pondered this as he stared at the back of Grigori’s head, a little shinier and more…fleshy, than before. A nearly bald head being fleshy wasn’t an abnormal thing on its own, but Adrian had to make it clear to himself that it was perceivably more fleshy. Something he didn’t really like to think about.  
Grigori was changing. That felt much too familiar. 
 
Maybe it was just the travel. Maybe that was driving him mad. They hadn’t seen anyone else for a couple of days, and that kind of isolation can get to a person. Maybe he was hallucinating all of this due to not seeing another man for a while. 
 
Maybe. 
 
“You alright, boy?” Grigori called from up ahead. “You aren’t as chatty as usual.”
 
“Ah, yeah, yeah I’m all good!” Adrian stumbled out a response, chest slightly blocked. “Just…been a long week, y’know?”
 
“You’re starting to break, are you?” Grigori laughed, hearty and powerful. It was unnerving. “I’ve been waiting for some intelligent conversation!”
 
“Pah. You dick.” Adrian smirked back, feeling the tension leave his body. Admittedly, it didn’t all fade, but even a little bit of conversation stopped Adrian’s head from feeling like it was being beaten in with a hammer. 
 
“Again, not far now. Ravenholm, I see it in our future!” Grigori proclaimed with enormous confidence, patting his chest with a fist. “If God sees it, and he will, we will be fine!”
 
“…Psalms 32:7” Adrian muttered, staring at the floor he was walking across. 
 
“You are my hiding place;” Grigori began in response, almost automatic. “You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” 
 
“Good memory!” Adrian’s smile was now wider, more relieved. “I…no matter how distant from the church I became, that passage helped me a lot.”
 
“Indeed. My flock quite liked that one as well, used to use it to fit me. I never deserved that, of course.” Grigori said, recounting with some sorrow in his voice. 
 
“…You’re protecting me.” Adrian’s response cut through the air. “A shepherd with one sheep is still a shepherd.”
 
“…I thought I’d be saying that about you, boy.” 
 
“Guess that makes two of us.”
 
The silence afterwards could be felt like sandpaper on their skins. 
 
They continued walking in that silence, the only sounds being their shoes sinking into the half wet mud below them with each step that they took. 
 
…Grigori was changing. It wasn’t a good change. 
 
But from personal experience, Adrian decided he was just going to get his time with the current Grigori while he still could. 
 
Light cut through the trees on the other side, signalling an exit. Both their paces picked up despite the aching in their legs as they rushed out to taste the mediocre Eastern Europe sun. 
 
When the light hit them, so too did a new and interesting sight. 
 
An abandoned church. 
 
Catholic perhaps? It looked so. 
 
“My my…” Grigori mumbled, eyes wide with amazement. “I never saw this before.”
 
“It looks beautiful.” Adrian stated, plainly, mouth hanging open slightly. 
 
“Architecture of God tends to be rather breathtaking, doesn’t it?”
 
“Hah, you should see some of the American churches. Boring places…” Adrian then looked aside, smile uneasy. 
 
Once again, the silence hung in the air. A decision was being made over the airwaves, heavily discussed with no words at all. They both looked unsure, with themselves and with each other. 
 
Then, without another word of debate, Grigori started marching straight towards it. 
 
Great. Guess they were going. 
 
Adrian, as always, straggled behind. Guess Grigori was more of the Shepherd after all. 
  The night was coming in close, but it still hadn’t struck the two explorers yet. Under a crisp, yellow dusk, they sat. A small makeshift camp, nothing more than an unlit fire and some sleeping bags, as well as their collections of weapons sat nearby in case anything decided to attack. Gordon was scribbling something down in a notepad, knees tucked in close as he sat on the grass, while Adrian was still searching around for something.  “ARE. YOU. OKAY.” Gordon’s suit asked, catching Adrian’s attention.  “Hm?” He looked up from his scrambling, giving Gordon a shaky thumbs up. “All good! Just trying to find something!”  “Find what?” Gordon asked, switching to signing now that he had Adrian’s focus.  “A reflective surface! A river, a pool, shard of mirror glass, anything!” Adrian’s voice howled with frustration. Gordon raised a brow.  
“For what?”
 “I gotta shave, damnit!!” Adrian stumbled back to their camp, unsatisfied, sitting down onto the short grass with a thump. “You’ve seen my face, I gotta trim this down!!”  “You look…fine?” Gordon tilted his head, unconvinced.  “Argh, I know, I know…But, just, I feel like it’s gotten a bit too long?” Adrian groaned, his hand feeling around his chin. “Plus shaving is just like…nice to do, you know? I like doing it. Keeps a routine.”  “I get that. It's too tiring for me, though, so I just like…trim.” Gordon explained, trying to empathise. “If it gets too long I start feeling violent.”  “Is that why you destroyed the citadel?” Gordon laughed out loud at that, covering his mouth halfway through as he descended into small giggles. Adrian watched with a slight bit of admiration on his face.  “You’ve got a real pretty laugh, you know that?” Adrian said out loud, though he looked like that thought was meant to stay in. “I-I don’t hear it that often, so, again, great surprise when I do.” He rolled with it nevertheless. Gordon almost stopped right then and there, his soul feeling like it was about to explode. Pretty?!   “I’ve…never heard it be called pretty before?” Gordon’s signing was shaky, he was hoping to dear god that Adrian didn’t notice.  “Well, you get somethin’ new everyday!” It was Adrian’s turn to laugh, a more classic one paired with him leaning back on his hands like he did in the warehouse. Gordon couldn’t exactly tell his feelings on the matter, but he had to say, Adrian had quite a pretty laugh too.  His heart was still shaking over the previous comment, but that didn’t stop his thoughts from flying.  “…You’re used to shaving, though?” Adrian then asked, his head turning.   “Did it as a teenager. Never fully liked it but…I can do it. Why?” Gordon asked, tilting his head in question.  “Great. Wouldn’t be able to help me with this, would you?” Adrian started untucking his combat knife from his belt, flipping it in his hand. “I don’t have a razor either, so, the knife’ll do.” Gordon was one thought short of mentally blue-screening.  
“You- you want me to what?!” 
 “Well, I don’t have a mirror, and SOMEONE needs to see the progress. Figured you could do it for me?” He held the knife by its metal end, the rubber handle pointed towards Gordon. “If we were in trouble, Private Sam and I used to help each other with this. So I’m used to it.” 
“With a combat knife?!”
 “Bah, it’s not that different from a razor! Just like…be real careful! But you’re weapons trained, you know that already!” Adrian practically pushed the knife into Gordons hands, batting away any concerns.  Gordon didn’t have much trust in his weapons training right now, especially since he wasn’t trained in knives. However… He sighed, taking the knife by the handle and indicated for Adrian to shift his head. Readying the knife in his hand, one that felt freshly cleaned, his free hand reached up to keep Adrian’s head in place.  Man. Gordon was glad he was still wearing the HEV suit. It had gloves, as well as a ‘tremor correction’ function that stopped his hands shaking in high stress situations. Otherwise, feeling Adrian’s face nearly rest into his hand would’ve probably made him slip and cut his cheek before he even started.  The knife wasn’t shaving as much as it could’ve, so this probably wasn’t going to be a clean shave. Judging from how Adrian presented though, it seemed that wasn’t going to be a problem. He hummed with satisfaction as Gordon, with incredible care, grazed the knife over his cheek, causing small vibrations to ring into Gordons fingers. He was sure the red in his face was showing at this point, and he could only be thankful that Adrian’s eyes were closed.  A close watch had to be kept on Adrian’s face, meaning that the two were closer to each other than ever before. Adrian’s breathing was soft, controlled, almost peaceful. It made Gordon’s tensed inhales and exhales all the more exposed. The smell of cigarette smoke from Adrian’s breath mixed in the minimal amount of air between them. Gordon’s heart was caught in his throat, he couldn’t tell if he liked that smell or not.  They changed sides, Adrian turning his head and letting his face once again be carried. He was oddly quiet during all of this, presumably just letting Gordon work. Talking would shift his face, after all, and that would interrupt the process. Still, Gordon couldn’t help but notice a small brush of pink across his cheeks as he shaved. Muted, but present.  This was…intimate, so it was expected. Gordon didn’t think much of it. Or at least, he tried to.  The part that Gordon was dreading the most came up. There was still some poking stubble around Adrian’s lips, which presumably had to be taken care of as well. Gordon’s throat was about to be thrown up, his chest squeezed into itself as he adjusted his hand onto Adrian’s chin, securing his grip. Another hum of satisfaction from Adrian, now with hands closer to his throat than ever, and Gordon was almost close to vomiting up his nerves.  It didn’t take long, thankfully. Most of the anxiety of nearly stabbing him had passed, and now Gordon was just trying not to focus on how well shaped Adrian’s face was, especially his lips. While trying to get a handle on the stache, Gordon’s thumb accidentally brushed against his lips. The feeling bordered on electric, even through the glove, and Gordon tried to move past it by quickly shaving more before Adrian could show that he noticed.  The feeling lingered on Gordon’s thumb for long after he had finished. Adrian was freshly shaven, through he still had that shadow he treasured, and Gordon couldn’t help but keep like this for a moment. Holding Adrian’s face in his hand, trying to gather all the seconds from it that he could.  Eyes still closed, lips slightly pursed, breath still reeking of smoke. If he could just get a little closer, feel this feeling a little more- A hand gripped the side of Gordon’s arm, and Adrian’s eyes snapped open.  “You done?” “GAGH!”  Gordon, in his shock, dropped the knife and let it fall to the ground beside them. Thankfully, the sharp end didn’t land anywhere near their legs, but it was still a pretty close call.  “Hah, you good man?” Adrian snickered, leaning back. He felt around his face, making a few satisfied noises. “Damn, you must’ve done a pretty good job! I feel clean!”  “You’re lucky I didn’t cut your cheek in half.” Gordon sighed with relief and relaxed his position.  “No, you were damn careful! Held me so tenderly…” Adrian almost sounded mocking, voice drifting higher as he cracked his joke. Gordon spluttered at that, fumbling with his hands.  
“I didn’t want to stab you!! You have to be careful!!”
 “I’m just fuckin’ with you, Freeman! Still though, good job!” Adrian held a cheeky thumbs up, half giggling through his sentence. The sound of his laugh kept up Gordon’s heartbeat, despite him trying to come down from the intimate moment.  Yeah, he could see how a laugh could be pretty.   “It’s getting dark…” He changed the subject, looking to the now deep blue sky, the last signs of orange sinking into the horizon. “Are you sleeping?”  “Eh, in a bit.” Adrian shrugged, undecided. “Better question, are you really sleeping in that suit?”  “…I need to be ready at all times. We could be attacked in the night, you know.” Gordon explained, staring off into nothing. “Besides, it’s not as hard as you think.”  “Still though! Should relax a little, shouldn’t you?”   “You’re not the one working on a rocket to stop that.” Gordon pointed to the key artefact in the sky, the broken citadel with the super-portal up top, waxing and weaning the air around it.  “…Right.” Adrian conceded, slumping his shoulders. “You’re not working on it right now, are you?” 
“I…guess not?”
 “There you go, then. You’re fine. Relax a little!” Adrian patted him on the shoulder, a warm and genuine smile on his face. “You got the rage out before - great scream by the way - and now we can relax!”  “You haven’t given me much of a chance to relax.” Gordon snarked, remembering the close shave just minutes before.  “That WAS relaxation for us marines! Chilling with the boys, helping each other, you know!”  “Oh I bet you helped each other alright…” Gordon looked aside, making his signs come across as hushed and quiet. Adrian still picked it up. “Oh, you KNOW I did!” The joke bounced right off him, he made an even more suggestive face and winked, before bursting into laughter again. “Aaah, god, seriously though. However gay you think the marines got, it was gayer.” Gordon side eyed the sudden odd swerve into this subject.  “Don’t look at me like that!” Oops. Adrian noticed. “I’m serious! Okay, okay, I can give a rundown.” Gordon then rolled said eyes and rested his head on his hand, listening.  “Navy is out and proud gay.” Adrian was counting these on his fingers. “Army is for your Brokeback Mountain style secret love affair.” 
“I’ve never seen Brokeback Mountain.”
 “I don’t care.” He continued. “Any Marine you meet, after three beers, he’s down for anything. The Air Force is bisexual.”  “So…” Gordon looked pretty confused. “You were actually in the Air Force?”  “Gagh, no!” Adrian threw his hands up in frustration. “It’s squares and rectangles, not every bisexual vet was in the Air Force but every Air Force vet was bisexual!” 
“You’re sweating.”
 “And you’re impossible!”   “Now we’re both frustrated.” Gordon smirked as Adrian whined, falling back comedically. “There he goes.”  “Alright then, smart boy.” Adrian pulled himself up from the floor. “What about your sectors?” Gordon took a genuine moment to think about this, which unnerved the Corporal.   “…I don’t actually know, I never really paid attention to this kind of stuff. My roommate first year was doing a Biochem degree and I’m pretty sure he kicked me out at one point to bring a guy in.” Gordon’s memory was fuzzy, you could tell by his expression as his hands moved. “But I don’t know…I mostly never got involved with all of that.”  “Fair enough, fair enough, it’s stressful…Eh, cross the line when you get to it, I guess.” Adrian batted his hand in the air like he was waving away a fly. “Whole thing’s kind of a mess. We just chill in between.”  “You’re one of the smartest Marines I met, you know?” Gordon shot a direct compliment, knocking Adrian a little off balance.  “A-ah, really?” He stammered out. “Have you…met many others?” 
“Well, one of your guys during the Black Mesa incident, he wrote on the wall ‘YOU’RE DEAD FREEMAN’ but misspelled ‘you’re’ as ‘yore’. He’s the second smartest I’ve met.” 
 “HAH!” Adrian let out a loud laugh and slapped his leg. “Oh god, I probably knew that guy! Was it dickfingers? Tell me it was dickfingers!”  “No clue. Everyone was dead by the time I got there.” Gordon shrugged. “Also, dickfingers?”  “We had some weird nicknames, especially during boot camp.” Adrian relaxed his position, tucking up his legs slightly. “Dickfingers was the least of them.” 
“…Did you have one?”
 “What? No.” Adrian dismissed immediately. “Was too good for that.”  “Really?” Gordon raised a brow. “You know, you told a story to Alyx once. I didn't hear much of it, I’ll admit, but she did let me know of one thing you slipped in…”  Adrian tilted his head, having no idea what he was talking about.  
“…Your nickname was hot single, wasn’t it?”
 That sentence seemed to shoot Adrian point blank.  “WHAT?! How’d you- HOW?!”  “You told some story to Alyx, she never mentioned the details, but she said that slipped in.” Gordon started to snicker, watching Adrian’s bewildered reaction with a mischievous kind of joy he hadn’t felt since Black Mesa. “So, Hot single…”  “STOP SAYING THAT!” 
“Is that the full nickname or is there more, Hot single?”
 “SHUT UP!!” Adrian’s face was bright red, a deliciously rare sight.  
“Well you’ve got to tell me the story behind it! It’s a hell of a nickname, hot single! How’d you get it, hot single? You’re required to tell me, hot single!”
 “Gordon…you’re killing me…” Adrian was slightly convulsing, clutching his chest and mimicking heart pain. “…The full one is ‘hot single in your area’…” ”HAH!” It was Gordon’s turn to burst out a sudden laugh. “You’re a goddamn scam porn advert?!”  “Oh my god shut up…” Adrian kept his face hidden, though his red ears were betraying him. “It’s a long story…”  “Give me the short version. Because I gotta know.” Gordon’s shit-eating smile was physically palpable in the air, both of them could feel it. Adrian let out a heavy sigh and removed his hands from his face, instead tucking his mp3 player out of his combat vest.  “Y’see this?” He waved it up, the earphones attached wiggling about with it. “None of the songs on this thing are legal. Limewire was my best friend.” 
“Music torrenter?”
 “Major one. This mp3 player technically wasn’t even legally acquired.” Adrian began, only to stumble when Gordon really looked concerned. “It was a gift!! I just doubt the guy who gifted it to me bought ANYTHING with actual money.” 
“…I can respect the dedication.”
 “Anyway, anyway,” Adrian tried to get them back on track. “I basically swore to myself I’d never buy music unless it was independent or a band I’d literally get tattooed. That was kind of Shannon’s viewpoint though, I just stole that too. But, as I was saying, I was on Limewire on a higher up’s computer…” 
“YOU WERE WHAT?”
 “I’m not a role model, I was on Limewire as some new System music leaked and I wanted first dibs, fucking idiot.” He rolled his eyes at himself as he talked. “And that site, as well as the files it hosted…they were hostiles.”  “Are you using military terms for porn ads?” Gordon was unimpressed.  “AGH! Let me speak!!” Adrian waved his hands to shush him in response. “So, I got a specific file, and that specific PC already had some issues. Probably the reason I was using it. So, it took like, five whatevers to get it off screen.” 
“And?”
 “And,” Adrian was good at keeping up the tension. “I was…walked in on when this particular ad still took up three quarters of the screen. Take a guess as to what the text next to the fake hot woman said.” “No…” Gordon signed in disbelief.  “Hot singles in your area.” Adrian’s recollection was plain, but the edges of his voice dripped with shame. “And now, I’m one of them. I guarantee you, if any of my old squadron is still alive, that’s the first name they’d call me by.”  They’re correct, Gordon’s thought process nearly made him sign out loud, but he repressed the urge. “I’m never letting this go.” He said instead.  “Oh my god, don’t…” Adrian held his face in his hands. “Jesus christ, I don’t need the entire resistance knowing the ads I used to get on utorrent…” 
“Should’ve been more careful. Hot single in this area.”
 “Gordon, I will kill you with my bare hands and hide the body where no one will find it.” Gordon burst out laughing, clearing up the tension that wasn’t really there. Adrian’s shame was real, but not his threats, so it was easy to laugh at this.  Adrian looked up, eyes narrowed, but unenlightened. Right at Gordon’s face, this made him feel a bit confronted.  
“What’s up?”
 “I’m trying to determine a nickname for you. One equally embarrassing.” Adrian mumbled, still staring. “I’m not having much luck.”  “You just don’t know my history, then! I’m clean! Nothing to hide!” Gordon answered with an almost physical smugness. One you could roll up into a ball and punt into the sun with a swift kick.  “Alright.” Adrian leaned forward. “I’ll just ask Calhoun.” 
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
 It was Adrian’s turn to laugh, and soon Gordon joined in. It was already late at this point, but neither of them cared for their volume. The screaming might’ve alerted someone to their presence here, but the laughter they were making wouldn’t have. Gordon seemed to fall down onto the ground, getting ready to sleep however he could. Adrian followed, eyes still wider than Gordon’s.  The Corporal admired the stars.  The Doctor admired the Corporal.  “...You see that one? Look real low.” Adrian was trying to point out a specific star. Gordon was squinting to spot it. “That’s Venus.” 
“You know…star stuff?”
 “Star stuff?” Adrian snorted. “Nah, I don’t know much. Dani did, though.” His eyes were soft with nostalgia and slight regret, smile gentle and uncaring about attention. “She used to take me out way more into the desert, away from all the business and the lights and such of our town. Then, she’d point out all the stars and planets, accurately mapped and all.”  “She must’ve known her stuff.” Gordon signed with his own soft beam.  “Yeah! She had mentioned something about wanting to be an astronomer but…eh, she never really talked about it.” Adrian shrugged his shoulders. “It’d be super late by then, so even though I was already a teenager, I’d still end up falling asleep in the desert. She’d carry me home and put me to bed on her couch, with all the star cushions she could.” 
“…Sounds peaceful.”
 “It was. Though, when I woke up nearly being suffocated by a Mario power star, that’s when I had to tell her to lay off the cushions.” Adrian laughed, his chest beating like his heart when he did.   “Mom used to do something similar. She had a book for my stars though. Never had to venture out into the desert.” Gordon reminisced, finding himself surprised that he could. “And I was a lot younger.”  “Ah. Good ol’ kid’s first astronomy book.” Adrian’s voice was soft. “She must’ve known you had like…potential, I guess it looked like.”  “You could call it that.” Gordon sighed. “Kid obsessed with Einstein and Newton and such, learning their theories while still being unable to talk. Maybe that’s why their expectations were all over the place.”  “Fuck, I can imagine. I was in special ed classes a few years myself, you know?”  “Really?” Gordon looked shocked.  “Yeah! Testing for ADHD, they called it.” Adrian seemed a bit too dismissive in tone about it, especially considering how much Gordon saw of kids he knew in him. “Whole thing went nowhere, though, and I’ve still managed!”  Doubt it, Gordon now had to hold himself back from saying.  The air fell into silence, just the sounds of the forest nearby and the wind to accompany them. Gordon took this moment to appreciate the sight of Adrian.  That…came across oddly, he didn’t think of it like that. He was just appreciating how he looked right now. What he was doing. How he did it.  So many of his movements were so loud and boisterous, commanding. His voice, his laugh, his demeanour. He had a powerful air to him, assisted quite nicely by his height. However, when he rested, he couldn’t be more different.  So much of Adrian was so small while he rested. So contained.  He had started out in a large, stretched position, but after only a few minutes his legs were tucked inwards and he appeared almost fetal. The rise and fall in his chest was barely noticeable, like he was purposefully breathing small even in these vulnerable moments so as to not make noise. His hair fell over his face like water passing over a damaged cliff, unkempt and ragged. The freshly shaven face almost looked jarring in comparison, but thankfully some of that small fuzz was left to keep matters in balance.  Gordon had watched him right into his sleep.  He turned onto his back, staring up at the sky. Venus was still there, glowing at the bottom. The evening star, he was pretty sure.  After Adrian had drawn his focus to the planet, it was almost like he couldn’t look away. That shine, that presence, low and constant. It reminded him of someone.  “SIGNIFICANT. HEARTBEAT. RISE, DETECTED.” His suit cried out loudly, risking Adrian’s sleep. Gordon hissed and smacked the suit a few times, attempting to get it to shut up.  Whatever. It could detect whatever. Adrian wasn’t…all of that, he thought. He just had to push it out of his mind, and hopefully Adrian could keep on existing around Gordon without causing stuff like this.  He felt his eyes begin to flutter, sleep finally starting to claim him. A certain sense of relief came from this. Sleep had been few and far between lately, so when some came, he was more than happy to take it.  Venus skittered in his vision. So did Adrian. Both glowed in the evening the same, he found.  Eventually, he slept.  And he dreamed of the planets.   
Some years ago
 
This house was chaotic. 
 
About five different people were scurrying through the halls, up and down the stairs, all across the place. 
 
Adrian, meanwhile, was sat calmly on the couch, fiddling with an N64 controller. On the TV was a rather nasty looking fighting game, but no blood was visible. 
 
“Oh shit, Mortal Kombat?” Shannon sat down next to him, half made up, gasping at the screen. Compared to how Lisa was done up, his makeup was pretty half assed. “Man, the Nintendo version though, you poor prick.”
 
“Hm? Why?” Adrian set the controller on his lap and looked up at him. “This is the only version Dani has…”
 
“Genesis version has blood and guts and all that. Less intense than Resident Evil, what I showed you, but they have it!” Shannon collapsed back onto the couch, sinking into the cushions. “Dani, these things are going to suffocate me. And him.” He tapped on Adrian’s head as he said that last part. 
 
“Get up!!” She hissed back at him, rushing through the kitchen to pick something up. “Or are you all done?”
 
“This is all I need! I go in like this, I go out like this-”
 
“Do you SLEEP in that?”
 
“Yes!!” Shannon sat back up, arms out with exasperation. “...Okay not the jeans, I hang these up.”
 
Dani let out a huge sigh and hurried back upstairs. “YOU NEARLY DONE UP THERE?!”
 
“Can I really not come?” Adrian then asked, pausing the game.
 
“Nope. Sorry kiddo. We’re risking enough sneaking you into the smaller shows at Dani’s bar. As much as bypassing cops and security is fun, you’re still getting your emancipation papers together. Don’t want to lose track of ya ‘cause of the pigs thinking they’re returning you to a lovin’ home. It’d break Lisa’s heart.” Shannon explained, arms crossed and voice soft. “Besides, Dani’s staying here too. Apparently she’s banned from the place we’re playing.”
 
“Hah. What’d she do that time?” Adrian snickered, hands tucking into the sleeves of his hoodie. 
 
“Probably robbing the pint glasses.”
 
“Is THAT why we have so many?”
 
“Yuuuuup. She steals the glasses from her own work as well.” Shannon stepped off the couch as a couple people scurried past. He knelt down at the N64 with a puzzled expression. “You haven’t gotten a GameCube yet?”
 
“Nope. Haven’t found one. Trust me, I’ve been looking.” Adrian sighed, staring at the growing game collection they had. “Lisa has a PlayStation as well, but, the 64 is mine.”
 
“Hey, I’ll look. Shit’s good, I played it once at a friend's house. Controller is REAL funny, like that one!” Shannon pointed with a grin at the electric, transparent orange controller Adrian was holding. 
 
“Whatever you say…think everyone’s ready, by the way.” Adrian responded by pointing to the door, where everyone else was waiting. Well, the rest of the band. Dani was at the top of the stairs heaving out exhausted breaths. 
 
“Ah, shit, alright. Looking GREAT, by the way, Lisa!” Shannon clambered up and over, hands in his pockets. 
 
He was right. Lisa looked GREAT!
 
Rocking that same goth-rock Dolly Parton drag look, with a bit more ‘rock’ put into it. His guitar was on his shoulders in a bag and his wig nearly dwarfed the strap. He had swapped the dress for a top and skirt, both skintight, with a heavily decorated leather jacket on top, and massive platform boots that finally made him taller than Shannon. 
 
Now that Adrian looked at them…Lisa was the only one that was in full drag.
 
“Why’s it just you, Lisa?” Adrian tilted his head in question. 
 
“He’s…well, I guess it's ‘she’ tonight, she’s always been way more into the ‘drag’ part of our band than the rest of us,” Molly explained as he began to open the door, fingers tapping on the frosted window. “Looks better than us too. Shannon tried it once and it was a shitty party city wig. Didn’t go well.”
 
“Oh god, don’t remind me…” Shannon groaned, pulling the bag carrying his bass onto his shoulder. 
 
“I still have the photo!” Ariel raised a cheeky finger, only to be forcibly silenced. 
 
“WE’RE GOING!”
 
“We’re late anyway.” Molly pointed through the door, already taking a step out. “Me and Ariel are already set up, so, we should be good.”
 
“Alright guys!” Dani slumped down the stairs and waved, hair sticking to her face and eyes narrow. “Good luck!”
 
“THANK YOU!!” The group cheered back, hurrying out of the door. Watching them stumble down the street through the main room’s window was pretty funny, Shannon almost tripped on a loose sidewalk tile about three steps in, having to be caught by the others. 
 
“Man, Andy needs to fix those shoes…” Dani folded her arms as she watched, holding herself back from a few small giggles. 
 
“Andy?” Adrian’s head turned. 
 
“Shannon.” Dani said in clarification, turning heel and walking back toward the couch. “Those fucking guys…” She fell into the couch, heaving out a long sigh as her body melted into the pile of cushions and disorganised bedsheet. 
 
“Banned from the gig location, I heard.” Adrian wandered over from the window, kneeling down to switch the N64 off. “What did you do that for?”
 
“Oh shut up.” Dani grumbled. “Let me rest. I’m an old woman. My mistakes don’t define me.”
 
“...You’re twenty five.”
 
“One foot in the grave. Tell my kids I love them.”
 
“You don’t have kids!”
 
“Oh really? What are you?” Dani narrowed her eyes at him. 
 
“The pet?” Adrian shrugged in response, causing Dani to guffaw. 
 
“Hah! Nah, nah, you’re…” Dani took a moment to think, hand on chin. “The mascot.”
 
“Is that ANY different?” Adrian threw up his hands in protest. “Mascot, really!”
 
“Better than the role you have in Phys Ed right now, I imagine.” Dani sat up, resting her hands on her knees. “What did they tell you when you finally went back, again?”
 
“Had to use the girls changing room. Swiftly left after that.” Adrian huffed. “Miss Jameson lets me use the gym out of hours, but…”
 
“Is THAT why you’re getting so buff?” Dani pointed, smirking. 
 
“No, that’s magic.” Adrian’s voice dripped with sarcasm despite being completely plain. “...Gettin’ dark out.”
 
“Damn, you have the magic power of subject-changing.” Dani giggled, staring out the window across the room, noticing that the colours had indeed faded. “You’re right though…It’ll probably be quiet, too.” 
 
“Good sky as well, if we walk out a bit.” 
 
The two sat in silence for a second, humming. The implication was fierce, the issue was who was going to bring it up. 
 
“We haven’t stargazed in a while, have we?” Dani stood back up, using a hair tie on her wrist to pull her hair back into a more fashionable shape. She wasn’t wearing her best to do any going out, all things considered, but its not like Adrian was better dressed. At least she had a cute choker on. “Should we?”
 
“I’ve got nothing going on.” Adrian shrugged, taking a hat from a nearby small table and fitting it onto his head. It read ‘Women want me. Fish fear me. Mermaids are confused about me’. 
 
“Well then I’ll grab us a pack and we’ll head to the desert!” Dani hurried into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge to select a pack of beer for them to drink. “Just don’t drink any til we’re out of the way, I can’t have cops on my tail.”
 
“Ay, fair enough, I’ll grab my jacket.” Adrian laughed, walking to the coat rack and pulling off his second most used hoodie. The one with all the badges of BAD bands, you know the one. 
 
The warm air welcomed them both as they wandered outside, boots tapping along the concrete of the sidewalk since neither of them owned a regular pair of sneakers. They were deranged goths, it was combat boots or death! The road out of town that led them to the desert outskirts nearby was a short one, since they were on the edge of town as is, but they made sure to keep the area in view on whatever hill they decided to climb when they got there.
 
By the time they reached their spot, the sky’s orange tint had given way to a deep, deep blue, sprinkled with white dots. It reminded Adrian of Molly’s makeup. Honestly, he was probably inspired. Those white glowing specks, scattered about in apparent deranged organisation, though none that he could track. 
 
He cherished every time he saw it. 
 
Dani sat down on the dusty ground, already wiping a bit of the floor from her hands, and pulled the pack out of the bag she had carried. “Want a beer, kid?”
 
“Eh. Sure.” Adrian held out his hand, and without looking, the cool sensation of condensation on metal filled it. The simultaneous click of the tabs was a sound to remember, and they both took a long, long sip. 
 
“Aaah!” Dani exhaled with relief, leaning back on her free hand and stretching out her legs a bit. “Beautiful!”
 
“Tastes like…” Adrian was hesitant to comment, especially since this was free. “A liquid.”
 
“Oh, you’ll learn to enjoy it!” Dani laughed, arm resting on her bent knee. “Ooh, I’ve spotted Venus!”
 
“Ursa Major.” Adrian pointed up. “You’ve taught me well.”
 
“Heh, should see how terrible Lisa is at this!” Dani giggled, holding the hand over her face. “Don’t tell him I said that, though!”
 
“Mouth zipped, Dan.” Adrian lay on his back, taking careful sips of his drink as he watched. “...You doing alright these days?” 
 
“Hm? Where’s this coming from?” She asked, head-turning downward to look at him. 
 
“Just…” Adrian thought on what he was going to say for a moment. “You’ve been at the hospital a lot more lately. That can’t be easy on your bank, you know.”
 
“Ask for an itemized list.” Dani waved the concern away, batting a hand. “They usually take most of it off. Failing that, we got some pretty good insurance. Failing that…Shannon’s pretty good at document fraud.”
 
“Seriously?!” Adrian gasped a little, spitting his drink. This wasn’t shocking in the traditional sense, however. Adrian was shocked for more…pressing reasons. “C-can he?”
 
“Hm? Can he what?” Dani swapped the hand holding her can. 
 
“Well…my legal name is still on all my stuff…If I can get good enough forgeries…” Adrian sighed almost whimsically, like this type of idea could only be a dream. 
 
“Oooh! Good call, actually, it would help us keep your parents from sniffing around when they finally realise what they did.” Dani turned her head back to the front, contemplating. “I’ll talk with him about it. Ariel too, he knows some people that even I don’t.”
 
“You have the coolest friends.” Adrian blurted out. 
 
“Don’t I?” Dani laughed at that, reaching to pat Adrian on the shoulder. “They’re your friends too, though, remember that. Took a lot of friends to even keep you here with me.”
 
“I know, I know…” Adrian returned to gazing. “That’s why I worry about you. I can’t be easy on you, and with all the pain stuff you gotta take and all the hospital trips ‘n stuff…”
 
“I manage.” Dani looked aside, eyes focused on nothing. “I have to, and I want to. So, I manage.” 
 
“You don’t have to.”
 
“Well, then I just want to.” Dani’s gaze kept its focused nothing. 
 
The silence in the air was now…slightly less easy. Dani was a lot more sure of her taking care of Adrian now. That was…technically fine, and the change was probably because of the few years they had spent together now, but…
 
Something was bothering Adrian. 
 
Now might’ve been his time to bring it up. 
 
“Danielle…” Adrian muttered. “What…are you doing, to help yourself with all this?”
 
Dani’s eyes widened. 
 
“W-what?!” She was severely taken aback. “What are you-”
 
“Burnt spoons. Saw them while taking out the trash.” Adrian said, plain, eyes still watching Ursa Major. “...What is it?”
 
“Damn. Can’t hide shit from you.” Dani laughed weakly, curling up a little. “Just…just some stuff for my pain. You know what I have.”
 
“Endometriosis, yes, you’ve said.” Adrian’s eyes narrowed. “What are you on.”
 
“What, right now?” 
 
“You know what I mean!” 
 
“You’re harsh.” Dani’s eyes were downcast. “...opioids, mainly. Helps me with the pain. Heroin too, sometimes.” She massaged her lower stomach as she said this, and sighed. “Doctors won’t believe a word out of my mouth anymore. ‘Gaining weight’ or ‘Anxiety’ or even ‘Drug-seeking’, that’s all they say now! I guess they’re right on the last part.”
 
“...” Adrian’s silence could be physically felt, played around with in the hands like dough. “I’m sorry.”
 
“What’re you sorry for, kid?” Dani turned in panic. “You’re not giving me the stuff!”
 
“I know but, it’d just be easier on you if I hadn’t-”
 
“Adrian.” Dani’s eyes were focused on him as she held him by the shoulders. “I don’t regret a single thing regarding you. My issue is my issue. You…you shouldn’t be worrying.”
 
“I will, though. Heroin fucks you up, you know.” Adrian fidgeted with his hands. “You’re my friend, Dani, I’m allowed to worry.”
 
“God, what am I…” She held her face in one hand. “You’re supposed to be worrying about…about tests and college qualifications and girlfriends and stuff. No, you end up worrying about housing, and getting attacked and those BASTARDS back at the church! And now you find out about my whole shitshow…”
 
“Neither of us really signed up for anything, did we?” Adrian let out a small, pathetic laugh that didn’t even sound like one. “We’re just…stuck here.”
 
“...God, our moms would be pissed.” Dani fell for the laugh, resting her head on both of her knees, feet tapping on the desert floor. “Dumpster diving for furniture, evading cops, forging government documents, fucking… opioid addictions!”
 
“We drew God's shortest straw.”
 
“Nah, I think there’s a few million more unluckier than us.” 
 
“We’re still high on that list though.” Adrian took out another beer, tucking his finished one into the bag. “...Just be careful, with the stuff, alright? I can’t exactly pull you out of it.”
 
“I’m not expecting you to.” Dani took her own and swung it down, crushing it with her hand and tossing it into the bag when done. “You’re a kid. Focus on kid stuff. Drinking in deserts and getting in fights in the toilets, you know! I won’t ask you to ever sort out my issues.”
 
“...Can I at least call an ambulance if something real bad happens? Hypothetically speaking.” 
 
“Well, of course, okay, that’s when you should start worrying. We’ll draw that sand line there.”
 
“And stop putting the burnt spoons in the main trash bags, it’s way too obvious. Leave them in the alley like God intended you.”
 
Dani snickered, then burst into full laughter. If Adrian knew how to do anything, it was lightening the mood. He smiled warmly at the sight, knowing this was probably a moment of respite and understanding that she would treasure. His beer was still cold in his mouth, so he took to sipping it quickly. 
 
Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. Things…weren’t good. He was lying through his teeth for half of that, he was absolutely going to worry. How could he not? He did also know that there was not much he could really do. Sneaking beers and cigs, dumpster diving, et cetera, these were all one thing. What Dani had…he knew he wasn’t built for it. 
 
Lisa probably already knew, but he’d mention it to him later anyway. Someone needed to bring it up. 
 
Adrian gazed back up at the stars, the dark oceanic blue still speckled with constellations and planets. The Andromeda Galaxy could be seen now, a speck of swirls and delight. A sign, almost, Adrian felt. Maybe he was hanging onto hope, maybe some of the spirituality attached to religion was coming back to him but…Andromeda felt important. 
 
Andromeda felt like hope.
 
He looked back down at the woman beside him, she was sorting out her hair again, the tag was sticking out of her black, web-patterned sweatpants. Not that he could say much, he was wearing a god-awful fishing cap. 
 
They were both hot messes. 
 A drink , he thought, to being total hot messes .  
Adrian swung his second drink down and tossed it into the bag. 
 
It was starting to get late. Staring up at the sky, Andromeda, Venus and Ursa Major all greeting him goodnight. Like they always would. 
 
Adrian felt his consciousness slip away into the dusty orange sands of Arizona.